#also this reiner fic is beating my ass

[djarinova]

hello my beloved friens ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ i hope you have all had wonderful weekends !! sending you much love + happiness this afternoon<3

[happypeaceperson]

Delicate

Reiner Braun X Male Reader

Returning after another long ass break because I just gotta write stuff for this man right now. I've been rewatching AOT recently and had to write for Reiner. Of course my first fic with him had to be from one of my favourite moments in the series. The one where they are in the castle ruins. This is just a cute little confesion fic thats all. No fighting or anything!! (About to rewatch season 4 so expect a shit ton more for Reiner because season 4 Reiner is FINEEEE)

(Also, slight mentions of suicide. Not explicit but its heavily implied!)

Hope you all enjoy :)

You sat on the ground, resting by the wall with your eyes closed. You couldn't believe you were in a situation like this. Trapped in the ruins of a castle with dozens of Titans outside trying to eat you alive. Death was so close, only a wall separating it from you. You never feared death, if you were being honest, you embraced it. The main reason you chose to fight the titans was to hopefully die one day. To go out on terms that weren't your own. You felt that if you died in the middle of a fight it would give you more meaning than if you did it yourself. 

You opened your eyes to observe your surroundings. A sigh escaping your lips as you took in the empty room. Only you and your friends sat in it. You saw Connie and Sasha sitting beside you. Both looked like they could sleep for days. Ymir and Christa sat beside them. You weren't surprised that Ymir hadn't left Christa’s side since you all got here. You always saw those two together. On your other side you saw Bertholdt Jean, they were fast asleep. You didn't understand how someone could sleep in a situation like this. 

In front of you stood Reiner. Why was he up? You stared at his back for a moment, wondering what he was doing. His hands were clenched and he looked deep in thought. Another sigh left you as you decided to get up and go over to him. Hoping to ease his mind. 

You and Reiner weren't that close. Only close enough to barely call each other friends but it was enough for you. You weren't that talkative with people anyways. You didn't have “Friends”. The only people you would consider friends were Eren or Mikasa but even that pushed it. You didn't mind not having people close to you. It made it easier when they would eventually die. It was a grim Ideology but it was true. Getting too close to someone scared you but for some reason you felt yourself wanting to grow closer with Reiner. To you it seemed that he did too. Although he put more effort in doing so. 

“Hey, Reiner” You place a hand on his shoulder. “Everything alright?” His body tensed for a moment when you placed your hand on him. He seemed to ease when he noticed that it was you. 

“Y/n? Why are you awake?” He looked at you with those eyes that made your heart skip a couple beats. Why did you feel this way? Nobody has ever made you feel like this so why him? 

“Couldn't sleep.” You admit. 

“The titans scare you?” He questions. 

“Nah, More scared of what they'll do to them” You point behind you to your friends. Reiner chuckles. 

“Connie and Sasha don't stand a chance.” You laugh with him. His face suddenly turns serious. It made your stomach twist. What was he gonna ask now? “Are you scared of dying Y/N?”

“Wha-” Why was he asking you this? You stood there for a moment. Not sure what to say. “I guess” Was all you could get out. “Why do you ask?”

“Everyone here seemed scared to death on that rooftop when we looked down at the titans. You on the other hand, the look in your eye was something. Like you were waiting for the tower to just collapse and take you down.” How the hell did he get all that from one look?  Why is he pointing this out now? “Is that why you chose to fight titans?”

“Why do you care?” You didn't mean for that to come out so mean. You just wanted to know why he was all over your ass about this. 

“Because I care about you.” Reiner turned away from you. He turned to face the window of the tower again. “”It might not seem like it but you're one of the few I actually wanna protect.” 

“Why's that?” You move closer to him. 

“Can we go somewhere private? Like, away from the others.” He asks. Was he avoiding your question? 

“Uh, okay” Reiner takes your arm into his grasp and guides you to an empty room. He closes the door behind you two before facing you. His eyes looked different. There was something to them that you couldn't decipher. He wasn't acting like himself either. He seemed more timid. Like he was scared. Why would Reiner be scared?

“You wanted to know why I feel like I need to protect you?” He grabs your hand. You nod slightly. “I'm not sure how to say this.” He closes his eyes. “Ever since I saw you I felt something. I wasn't sure what it was at first but when I went to talk to you that feeling grew. I knew from the look of you that you took death as a joke. Something you wouldn't give a second thought to if it was handed to you on a silver platter. So I took it upon myself to protect you. I wanted to help you. I was confused on why but now I know. It's because I like you, Y/N” You saw Reiner begin to blush. He what? You were trying to decode what he just said. This man that stood in front of you just read you like a book and confused his love for you? How do you respond to that. 

“I- um” Speak idiot. You cursed yourself internally. Reiner looked at you. His eyes wandered over your face, looking for any indication of emotion. He liked you. Someone genuinely cared for you and this is how you react? You felt Reiners grasp on your hands release. 

“Sorry. This was stupid.” He says. He looks so vulnerable right now. You never thought you would see him like this. Reiner reaches out to the door, slowly opening it.

“Reiner, wait!” You called out. You pushed yourself away from people too much. You had to learn to let others in. This is that chance. “I um. I care about you too. I don't show it but I care about a lot of people. Letting people in is scary for me. I don't want to lose anyone so I just push everyone away. You were different. I feared for you everytime we fought the titans. Losing you scared me. I don't know why but it did. If I'm being honest, you're the reason I haven't let a titan treat me like a chew toy yet.” Reiner stood there,staring at you. “I like you too.” You let out a shaky breath. 

Reiner walked back towards you. His hands reach up to your face. His eyes never leaving yours. “Can I kiss you?” He asks while looking at your lips. You simply nod. He leans forwards. You feel his breath on your face. It was warm. His lips finally met yours and you swore you just died and went to heaven. His lips were soft. You placed your hands on his chest as you leaned into the kiss. It felt like an eternity but Reiner finally pulled away. Allowing you to catch your breath. He didn't say anything, only staring into your eyes. “We should probably head back to the others” He says, breaking the silence. 

You nod as you two begin to make your way back. “Wait.” You paused. You hold on his hands growing tighter. “Promise me something.” He turns back to face you. His eyes filled with curiosity. 

“What is it?” He asks as you take a deep breath. 

“Promise that no matter what we will be by each other's side till the end. I don't want to have to come back from a mission to see that you're gone. I want us to be together till each other's final breath.” Reiner is surprised by the sudden request. He smiles at you. 

“I promise.” His hand reaches out for yours. “Till the end of time” His eyes stayed locked with yours. You take his hand. 

“Till the end of Time.”

[braunbakery]

salvation, maybe (ii)

☞ reiner braun x reader [fem bodied] [chapter word count: 2.5k]

☞ sfw, angst, fluff, post-season 3 [after 4 year time jump], season 4 spoilers

☞ cross-posted on ao3 (very much ahead on ao3, just wanted to bring it to tumblr)

☞ fic plot: you have walked these streets many times before. you have passed this bench many times before. you have seen this man (lost in his thoughts, always drifting, always looking lost) many times before. but this time, this time you take a seat.

prev. next

ii. company

the glass clinks against the bar counter and reiner shifts idly in his seat as the bartender slowly pours him another drink. he watches you bring your glass to your lips in the bar stool next to him, your other hand rested on the counter. the orange lighting of the bar reflects off of the two glasses and, even though the bar is filled with the lazy chatter of other customers, reiner feels like he can hear your every movement.

he doesn't know how a walk through the streets of liberio wound up with him sitting with you at a bar in the middle of the night. he doesn't know how his daily trip to the bench in front of the fountain wound up with him sharing a drink with a stranger when he had been isolating himself since his return from paradis. he doesn't know how the hours passed so quickly, or why you had decided to spend an entire day with him. he can barely remember what you had talked about, faintly recalling sparse conversation about your family, about his family (about gabi and how there was definitely no one in liberio who didn't know her with the way her voice echoed around the alleyways.) he remembers a calm quiet settling between you two, he remembers visiting an empty, overgrown park. most of all, he remembers the feeling of your company.

his chest doesn't feel as hollow, his thoughts don't race as rapidly. and, even though his eye sockets are still full and his muscles are still tense, there is a part of him that is happy to not feel alone. even if just for a day.

and this relief that you offer him eats away at him like a parasite. he locks eyes with you and you offer him a small, kind smile, fully content to sit in the comfortable silence you have both accustomed yourself to. reiner doesn't know why he's letting himself have an escape. he doesn't want to find solace, he doesn't want to feel at peace, he doesn't want the warmth of someone else being with him and not expecting anything of him. he is guilty. in his head, he should always remain guilty, no matter the pain or the agony. no matter how dark the circles under his eyes become, or how tight his jaw clenches.

but, at this moment, he brings himself to ignore his self-condemnation as he watches you raise your glass once more to your lips. he doesn't know if it's just because you are a person, if anyone would have done, if it's because you seem like you would like the company too or if it's something particular about you that makes him want to stay. that makes him feel like it doesn't matter whether or not he deserves to stay. but he can't believe he had gone this entire time without the presence of this other someone with him.

"are you okay?" you ask him, noticing him slowly losing himself in his thoughts. reiner snaps out of his conflicted daze and loosens his tight grip on his glass.

"yeah, thinking about how they're going to beat my ass for not showing up at HQ today," he jokes, offering a cheeky grin. you laugh, pretending not to notice his genuine concern over the issue,"i-"

"reiner," a soft voice interrupts. a woman with dark, raven hair and large deep eyes slowly approaches the two of you on crutches. she dons the same uniform as reiner (the same off-white jacket and red armband, reiner's jacket is currently bundled up on the stool next to him), and reiner feels his grip on his glass tighten again.

"pieck," reiner responds, suddenly aware that his earlier joke is probably the reality. pieck smiles softly at him, and he knows that she holds no contempt for his absence today. but, that doesn't make the bundle of anxiety brewing in his stomach any less.

"where were you today? everyone was wondering where you'd gone off to," pieck slightly leans on her crutches, her head tilting to the side as she questions reiner good-naturedly.

"i..." reiner trails off. he can't find the words. how can he say that, hours ago, he had unconsciously made the decision that spending an entire day mostly in silence with a stanger he had just met seemed like more of a pressing matter than his duties to marley. as he struggles to find the words to express himself, pieck spares you a glance, finally taking note of your presence. she doesn't introduce herself, instead content to offer you another warm smile in greeting.

"maybe you should get home, yeah?" pieck suggests. behind her kind voice and sympathetic eyes, reiner easily recognises the sense of urgency in her words. it's a warning. he should probably get an early night's sleep before his attempts to offer a multitude of excuses when he goes into HQ the next morning. also, knowing pieck is here, it would be safe to assume that porco isn't far off. reiner had already pictured his smug face when he sees him tomorrow, probably feeling like his superiority over reiner had once again been proven. if porco finds him here, in this bar, reiner would never hear the end of it. it would just be another reason for porco to assert the fact that between them, he was the warrior and reiner was the coward. and even though reiner doesn't necessarily disagree (he doesn't really have the energy to think about it anymore), it doesn't mean he's particularly looking forward to it.

"yeah," reiner replies, nodding thankfully at pieck. pieck nods back and raises a hand from her left crutch, waving goodbye before going back to her table. but, she stops in her tracks and turns her head back, "don't worry, by the way. porco hasn't seen you." with that, she turns back and makes her way back to her table. reiner is thankful for her decency.

he scrapes back the bar stool and begins to stand up, getting ready to leave. but, as he reaches for his jacket, his vision blurs. you watch as reiner slightly stumbles forward, grabbing onto the bar stool for support. how many refills has he had?

he seems fine enough to speak normally, but as you watch him rapidly blink his eyes to regain his composure, you stand up, grab his jacket from the seat, and tug at his sleeve as you make your way to the exit of the bar. he seems okay now, walking normally behind you and reaching for his jacket from your grasp. once you finally leave the busy bar, the chilly night air meets your warm faces and the glow of the orange lighting inside reflects off your skin. reiner quickly pulls his jacket on and turns to you. you let go of his shirt sleeve that you didn't realise you were still holding.

"you don't have to leave with me," he says. in truth, he doesn't want to allow himself to be in your company anymore. this was just a break. a day where he could forget everything that he had to do and be, and it took all of his will to reject the consolation your presence offered. the reality was grim and brutal, and even if it was a reality where he was condemned to eternal guilt, it was still reality.

"i don't particularly want to be left alone in a bar," you say, already beginning to slowly make your way down the street. reiner tries to ignore the small relief he feels in knowing that you won't leave yet. that you don't want to leave yet. it was starting to prove tiring having to drag himself back to the guilt he felt lost without.

"do you live far? i can walk you back first," he says, sidling up next to you on the footpath. god, he was pathetic. for someone actively trying to isolate himself, he sure did manage to find every excuse to spend more time with you.

"i live on just the other side of market square," you say, recalling reiner telling you where his family home was, "it's close to yours. i'm walking you back first." in reiner's stumbled state (even though he had all but regained his composure now), you don't feel right making him walk you home and then himself. at least, that's the excuse you were telling yourself. in reality, you don't want to be alone. you're not ready to say goodbye. when reiner hears your adamance, he can't help but smile. he's too tired to argue, instead just humming in confirmation.

"are you going to be in much trouble tomorrow?" you ask. reiner turns his head towards you, and even though he had looked at you many times already, he never seems to get over the initial shock of someone else being there with him.

"it'll be fine," he says (he hopes.) maybe commander magath will just chalk it up to another tired day of being a warrior? maybe zeke had offered magath some sort of excuse in reiner's absence? maybe porco had shut the fuck up and not encouraged retribution for reiner's slight insubordination? reiner knows that you can tell from his clenched fists that he's lying and that he has no idea what's going to happen. but, he's grateful that you don't make an attempt to address this. reiner wonders if you know that he doesn't regret it.

"i'm guessing you have an early morning then?" you say, shoving your hands in the pockets of your jacket as the temperature of the night drops.

"ha," reiner laughs drily, "it's always an early morning." he watches you laugh at his disdain, the corners of his mouth curling upwards, "you as well?"

"yeah. i think i'm delivering papers tomorrow," you respond. you had told reiner that you worked as an assistant for the newspaper. the manager was an old man. he was kind, but you often found yourself doing a bunch of odd jobs that were either his responsibility or the requirement of someone he had yet to hire.

"do you have a permit to leave the internment zone for that?" reiner says without realising. the words are tumbling out of his mouth as soon as he thinks of them, and it scares him. he had spent years in paradis having to carefully think of everything before he said it, and now the words were just escaping his mouth and he had no restraint.

"yeah, just for an hour on the specific delivery days. we only really get delivery requests from the marleyan soldiers living just outside the fence." reiner nods.

"you should deliver a paper to us," reiner feels that he basically blurted that out and tries to save himself, "to HQ i mean."

"i didn't realise the people the paper is usually about took an interest in reading it," you joke. you're already planning your route to the warrior unit HQ, already planning what you're going to say to reiner when you deliver. even though it's just a suggestion on his behalf, you can feel the delight rushing through your body at some sort of insinuation that he wants to see you again. reiner chuckles at your comment, knowing full well that he's probably not going to read that paper and he'll probably just toss it off to zeke (if he doesn't end up spending the whole day being reprimanded for his antics.)

god, he can't stand himself. how can he ask to see you again? what's wrong with him? is he seriously so pathetic that after one day of enjoying someone else's company other than the warrior unit and the candidates (who, even though he appreciates them, are just a constant reminder of his mistakes and shortcomings and everything he fails to be) he can't go on without it? even though you hadn't given a straight answer, he can't ignore the feeling of blood rushing to his cheeks at the thought of seeing you again, no matter how hard he tries to pull himself together and scold himself for being such a half-assed piece of shit.

before he realises, his vision is blurring again and he's stumbling forward. instinctively, you reach out and grab his upper arm. your hand wraps around it, steadying him in place, and you didn't expect him to be so...warm. is that a titan shifter thing?

reiner mumbles a quiet 'thanks' in embarrassment and continues walking on. but, your grip on his arm never loosens and reiner realises (rather embarrassed with the fact that this is something he considers worth realising) that, other than the odd tug to his sleeve to beckon him forward, this is the first time you have actually touched him. his muscles relax under your hand. and it scares him.

reiner slightly pulls away at your grasp, pulling down at the armband on his opposite arm as an excuse to distance himself. he doesn't know why he's doing this (yes i do, he thinks, coward. you don't deserve this.) without thinking, he shrugs off his jacket and places it around your shoulders, his hands slightly brushing against your neck. even though he's warm, goosebumps form under his fleeting touch and you watch as he puts his armband back onto his arm.

"you looked cold," he says curtly, rubbing at the back of his neck and looking away. he realises that, in an attempt to use taking off his coat as an excuse to distance himself from your grip, he managed to just end up being closer to you. you can't help but smile as he tries to avoid your gaze.

a few more minutes pass, and you both find yourself outside reiner's house. reiner turns to you, opening his mouth and about to bid you goodbye, ready to spend the night wondering how he let a simple conversation at a bench this morning get this far.

"reiner," you say, before he can say anything. "i..." as you look at him, you realise how bad you don't want to say goodbye. and maybe it's just the fact that he really doesn't know you that well, or that if you really wanted to, you could very well ignore him for the rest of your life if things went wrong. or maybe it's the fact that you had lied earlier, and you don't actually live on the other side of market square, but the complete opposite direction that you had started walking from the bar, and if you said goodbye now you'd have to walk back all the way by yourself. alone.

alone.

"yeah?" reiner says, hand on the door knob, eager to get inside. he doesn't want to leave. really. it seems like he does, but the longer he stays out here, with you wearing his jacket and struggling to make the words come out of your mouth, the more he has to think about a life he can probably never have. but, what you say next takes him a minute to register, and takes you a minute to realise has actually come out of your mouth.

"can i...can i stay?"

[maki-s-wife]

Pairing: Reiner x gender neutral!reader

Warnings:attack on titan season 2 spoilers, angst, cursing

1.3k words

I’m very sorry it took almost a whole month to get this out, I unconsciously made this a gender neutral reader This also ended up only being a Reiner fic I completely forgot about the Bertholt part I hope that’s ok if you’d like me to add something or change it you can request again for it

Request from: @sugarandsoft

The requests had spoilers that I couldn’t hid from first glance so I hope i tag this right

"I wish I'd never learned that there were people like this, that way...I wouldn’t have become...such a half assed piece of shit” Reiner said as he looked down at his feet.

What was Reiner talking about you thought. You slowly walked closer to him and reached out to touch his shoulder. As you did he started to remove his cast and once he did you froze in your tracks. That steam...that steam was same when eren was regenerating when he got hurt. There was no way out of all the people Reiner the man you had started to fall for in the years you trained together could be a titan. You and eren stared at his arm miraculously healing before you.

“Reiner are we really going to do it? Right now!” Bertholt screamed. “What are you guys talking about” you said as you stood in one place shaking. Your hand slowly creeping to your menuver gear. Reiners eyes went from cold and scared to soft. They were so uncertain as they stared holes into your own eyes.

Bertholt also turned his attention to you. You were about to say something else, demanding them for more answers even though you had an idea of the truth when Mikasa yelled “y/n” “eren”. You jumped out of the way to see her attack Reiner and bertholt. You were nothing less than confused. You couldn’t think properly...why was everything happening so fast. The next time you looked up you saw little yellow sparks surrounding Reiner and bertholt. “Eren, Y/N get away from there” armins voice yelled.

You took one last look at the two. Taking in their faces one last time you could have sworn to see them both mouth the same thing. “I’m sorry”. You let out silent tears as you grabbed onto the wall for stability and watch the man you’d give the world for and the other you saw as the closest thing you saw to family turn into the beasts you sworn to kill. The ones that killed Eren parents and hundreds of others. They destroyed wall Maria and sent many people into poverty.

Your vision was blurry now but you carried on trying to survive this heavy blast. Though you were loosing your grip. You didn’t have any strength left. Whether it was because two of the people you trusted the most betrayed you or the pressure of the blast everything hurt. You watched as the armor titan and the collosal rises from where Reiner and Bertholt stood. "Shit" you yelled as you accidentally let go of the walls. was this really the last time you'd see the love of your life and best friend. Before you could even finish your thought you realized you were now in the hands of the armor titan...Reiner.

He had you in his hand now. Reiner looked down towards you.

His eyes were not the same eyes that would look at you Only just hours ago. Those weren't the eyes you fell in love with now they were glowing but cold. You shut your eyes tight as you went done the wall at a quick speed. you looked to refiners other hand to see Eren crying. you couldn't help but let out even more tears than before. Too much was happening and you didn't understand any of it. Why did it have to Reiner and Bertholt out of all people. you thought back to when Reiner told you about his hometown.

"I want to return to my hometown...and I want to take you with me y/n"

Thinking back to everytime Reiner and Bertholt protected and comforted you when you needed it. When they'd train you with full power for you to do your greatest. Whenever Reiner would say the sweetest things and you'd just fall harder for him. Everytime Bertholt would sit down and talk to you about cool things he read in books.

you snapped your eyes open to see Eren transforming in Reiners other hand. You felt Reiner grasp you slightly harder. Your conscious was slowly subsiding as Eren punched Reiner. Your head was pounding, you could barely breathe, you wanted to throw up from all the commotion and betrayal, you couldn’t even tell if you were truly alive at this moment. You closed your eyes, the pain of everything finally wearing you down.

The next time you opened your eyes you saw a tree in front of you. You attempted to lift one hand and looked down to see your hands tied together.

Quickly looking around you spotted Reiner, Bertholt, Eren and Yimr. Reiner took his head out of his hand and looked at you. The two of you made eye contact. He looked almost scared of you. He looked away once again.

“Oi what’s going on....”you said quietly ,Then it hit you.

Everything that had happened Prior to you passing out. You tried to get up but noticed you legs were in the same condition as you hands. Eren stood up looking angry. He started yelling at the two as yimr just sat there Regenerating her leg. You just looked down thinking about the situation.

“Reiner and Bertholt betrayed you. Reiner...Reiner betrayed you. You didn’t know where you were. Are you going to die? You had a lot of questions but it be stupid to ask them wouldn’t it.

Your head snapped up when you heard Bertholt speak. “Back then...I thought I felt sorry for you” he said averting his eyes from Eren. Looking at eren now you saw a scary look in his eyes. You never saw that kind of look in Erens eyes before. Before Eren could speak you cut him off. “Reiner...say something” “say something right now, you killed so many innocent people you have to say something” you yelled in a raspy voice. You were crying again. You were conflicted.

One side of you wanted to run to Reiner tell him things are going to be ok and that you two could run away and forget everything...start over. The other side wanted to punch him. Punch him a million times to kill him.

You hated yourself for wanting to forgive him but you were in love with him. And for Bertholt...you just didn’t know. He seemed so much colder than normal...or what you thought was normal.

Eren looked at you and spoke again. You just kept looking at Reiner, you wanted him to speak but he wouldn’t. “Don’t you think I know that” Reiner yelled at Erens statement. Eren continued calling the murderers. He wasn’t wrong.

Then there was a gross feeling in your stomach. You were in love with a murder, your were friends with one. The same feeling when Annie was revealed to be the female titan.

Back with the corps is where you wanted to be. Back home and things back to normal.

That’s what you thought as Reiner yelled more. Yes you wanted him to apologize, to feel regret for what he and Bertholt did. He showed no remorse and that was scary.

They were both quiet now and you let out a hurt chuckle. Everyone’s attention was on you now. “Reiner why don’t you come over here” you said still looking down. You weren’t scared as you heard him make his way towards you and crouch down. Looking up slightly more you spoke

“I was a fool to fall in love with you”.

Wether you thought that was true or not Reiner was beating himself up inside. He was in love with you as-well. He hurt the person he loved. He wanted to take you with him back home. To have a wonderful life with you. But after hearing your words those dreams shattered.

All he whispered was an “I’m sorry”. And turned and went back to his original place.

Somehow nothing and everything made sense right now but all you could think about was how your own dreams shattered

And unknowingly to you so did Reiners

[glittrkink]

*He sees you as he leaves the arena, his hockey bag hanging off his shoulder. You look incredible and he knows he'd get upset at himself tonight if he doesn't say anything* "Hey beautiful, I haven't seen you around here before. How's it going?"

- Reiner, Number 7 On the Varsity Blue Hockey Team

if you don’t want me to spam your dash with this character anon pls block the tag ‘maia loves hockey player reiner <3’

also do not mind me turning this into a whole ass fic i’ve been thinking about it all day and it makes me really happy ok mind your business

sorry to the mod who has to read all this nonsense you can skip straight to the end that’s where the dialogue continues lmao

my friends and i were looking for a way to spend our friday night that was outside of our usual plans of getting drunk and watching shitty rom coms. and after a tiring discussion of hitting up bars and clubs we ended up deciding do something more lowkey, and stop by the ice haus. one of my friends claimed to know that everyone on the hockey team was hot as fuck, and the rest of the group wanted to investigate and see if this was true...

we arrived pretty late into the game, but we were still able to grab seats in the first row of bleachers, giving us a good view of the ice. we missed the entire first period and came in right before the beginning of the second, just in time to watch the players file onto the ice. my entire friend group was gawking at the fit brunette with strands of his dark hair clinging to his forehead framing his emerald eyes. i had to admit he was pretty hot, but i had my eyes on someone else. the blonde with the most beautiful hazel eyes i have ever seen, concentrated into a scowl as he stood on the ice. i pointed him out to my friends and said “oh i know his dick is big” we all giggled like a bunch of school girls, catching the attention of some of his teammates who waved at us but he didn’t notice.

i wasted no time to look him up in the roster, quickly scanning the printed faces until i found his with his position, name, and number printed next to it- defenseman, reiner braun, #7. i spent the rest of the game eyeing him carefully, watching as he shoved his opponents into the wall of the rink. he was a beast when it came to boarding. god he was violent. he was doing everything you’re not supposed to do with your stick, slashing, spearing, hooking- you name it. he spent a lot of time in the penalty box, glaring at the people who played in front of him, his jaw tense from biting down on his mouth guard. “he looks like he beats the pussy up” my friend said to me, and i couldn’t help but laugh and think about how she was probably right... and how i would love to find out for sure... and in all this i couldn’t help but wonder if he had a sweet side to him. wondering if maybe he could be more gentle than he let on...

the game came to an eventful end- going into overtime, ending with none other than lucky #7 scoring the winning goal. when the cheering died down and the crowd started to disperse, my friends and i filed out of the ice haus. we stood in the parking lot chatting about the game and how everyone on the team, was in fact hot. we eventually split up and headed to our respective cars. and it wasn’t until i stopped to grab my keys out of my bag that i noticed someone was standing behind me, i turned around to see that it was none other than reiner braun. he was out of his gear and despite not wearing his pads i was shocked by how broad his shoulders were and how big his chest was. his blonde hair was short and shaggy, messy with sweat. needless to say- he was extremely sexy and i was swooning. and when he opened his mouth to speak i was almost too busy staring at his tits that i almost missed what he said. his voice was surprisingly smooth, not at all rough like i had imagined. his voice was sweet when it landed on my ear, and when he called me beautiful i looked over my shoulder to make sure he was talking to me. first of all i didn’t think he was single, i figured as hot as he was he probably had a girlfriend. and even if he didn’t- i didn’t think i was his type. when i realized he was talking to me it took me a second to respond. god i wish i wasn’t so awkward, i prayed he didn’t notice me nervously fumbling with my keys in my hand when i replied and said- “beautiful? well you’re not that bad looking yourself. at least when you’re not scowling on the ice. i’m doing pretty well i actually really enjoyed the game! how are you? you must be tired!”

[migila]

Fic time!

This time starring Reiner, Sasha and Gabi!

You’ll Regret This

BANG!

Reiner frowned, studying the target board. He’d hit it, thank god he was no longer bad enough to miss, but the bullet went nowhere near the center. Damn.

BANG!

Seeing the target board next to his own get hit right in the center, he expected to see Bertolt next to him. But no, it was Potato girl.

“Sasha, remember that her name is Sasha. She doesn’t take it well when people call her Potato girl” he reminded himself.

“Nice shot” he said, making her look up “Thank you.”

Then, she looked at his board, quirking an eyebrow as she did so.

“You on the other hand still need some practice”

Reiner snorted. As much as he wanted to take offense, there was no way he could when it was completely true and came from someone so much better than him.

“Yeah, I do” he admitted “But at least I didn’t completely miss the target.”

Sasha snorted, also knowing that some other cadets had done just that.

“Yeah, you didn’t” Sasha agreed “And you’re either average or above in pretty much everything, so it’s not like the instructor will maim you when he notices.”

The “but he’d kick my ass” that Sasha left unsaid was clear to Reiner. The girl was on instructor Shadis’ bad side, he knew.

“I still don’t like the idea of not getting a hang of this” he said “I aim for the military police where guns are actually used from time to time after all.”

Sasha looked thoughtful for a while before saying: “I could teach you.”

Reiner’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. He had considered the girl to be the selfish kind and besides-

“Aren’t you also aiming for the top ten? Is it okay to help someone you’re competing with?”

“You do that all the time too, don’t you?” Reiner couldn’t deny that “Besides, even if I help you out, this is the one thing the great Reiner Braun won’t be able to beat me in.”

The smile on Sasha’s face after that was smug, and not without a reason. Still, Reiner kind of wanted to wipe it off her face.

“I’ll accept your offer, then” he said with a grin of his own “And one day you’ll regret teaching me.”

Smirking, Sasha said: “I’ll look forward to that.”

  BANG!

The bullet hit the target, but not the center of it. Gabi was not happy, Reiner could tell.

“Chill, it wasn’t that bad of a shot” Zofia said, not taking her eyes off of her own target as she hit it right in the center “Everyone’s lacking at something.”

Gabi glared at her, about to say something, but didn’t as she noticed Reiner behind her.

“Reiner!” she cheered “Can you teach me?”

“Sure” Reiner said. He was better at shooting than he used to be and Gabi didn’t seem to have a natural talent for it like Zofia, so he was sure he could be of some use. It was time for him to help others the way he’d once been helped.

Reiner had seen a lot of death in his rather young life, he’d caused a lot of death, so it was no wonder he barely felt anything as he stood in front of the grave. The grave of a someone he’d once called friend, killed by his cousin.

“This was for the best; she was a dangerous enemy with those shooting skills…” a memory came to his mind from years ago, the smug smile in front of him like it had been just yesterday.

“Hey Sasha” he says to the silence as a single tear slides down his cheek “I told you I’d make you regret teaching me, didn’t I?”

[catsundercherryblossoms]

A Christmas Kiss// HFP special ❣️🎄

Summary: The 104th cadets have a little celebration… a little too much celebration.

*Note: You don’t have to read my series/fic to understand this. It can be read as a stand-alone Eren x OC imagine. For those of you who have read HFP, this takes place somewhere between chapters 2-3* 

And of course, I’m late for everything, so I do apologize that its already been 3 days after Christmas... oops!

Happy reading (:

//Christmas morning//

“So… what do you want for Christmas, Jo?” Reiner asked.

We were sat at the lunchroom, in the middle of breakfast. I looked up from my porridge and raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t it too late to be asking that?”

Reiner shrugged. “Eh, I can still pull some strings. Just tell me what you want.”

“Some peace of mind.” I put simply. The idea of people getting me a gift was… weird. This has got to be the first time someone proposed getting me something for a special occasion. Jean is the only person to have made such a gesture like that in the past. Usually for Christmas or Valentine’s day, he’d make me a flower crown out of random wildflowers he’d find around town. Back then we were kids and we couldn’t afford anything better. I loved each and every one he made for me, though. Then, of course, we signed up for the cadet corps, and he hasn’t done it ever since.

Point is, I don’t know how to accept kind gestures from people.

Reiner waved me off and turned to Annie. The kind of wave that hints he’s not ready to give up yet. “What about you, Annie?”

She didn’t even look at him. “For Christmas?”

“Yeah.”

“I want you to stop being a—“

BANG! The doors flew open, slamming against the walls.

“Ho, ho, ho!” A woman I’d never seen before in my life strolled in. Everyone’s eyes were on her, confused. She wore glasses, carried a large red sack over her shoulder, and walked forwards with a bounce in her step.

I didn’t know who she was. I just knew it was too early for someone to be this cheerful.

“Hello, cadets! Wow, good turnout this year. Lots of fresh faces!” She said loudly, “I’m Hanji Zoe, a squad leader in the brave and mighty Survey Corps! I’m sure you’ve heard of them.”

“We’ve heard the death rates.” Someone— probably Jean— mumbled a few tables away.

She either didn’t hear him or decided to ignore it. She continued like nothing, “Anyway, I’ll be Santa Claus this year. I’ve got hand-knitted gifts for each of you to keep you warm! But first, I’ll be introducing you to my elves!”

“Elves?” I muttered. No offense to this lady, but it doesn’t take an idiot to know this was all a publicity stunt to promote the Survey Corps and get us interested in joining them. It’s like luring a baby with candy. Except the candy is death. And babies don’t like death.

“C’mon!” She beckoned to a presence outside, which turned out to be four people. They were dressed in elf costumes, the tips of their floppy hats jingling with a shiny gold bell. What was priceless was their faces. It was blatantly obvious that they didn’t want to be here.

Snickers spread across room. I heard Jean wheezing and banging his fist on the table.

“This is Eld, Gunther, Oluo, and Petra.” The lady, Hanji, indicated to each as she said their name. She then turned to us with an exaggerated pout. “Humanity’s Strongest, also known as Corporal Levi, was supposed to be here today but I’m afraid he couldn’t show up because of unexpected paperwork—“

“He didn’t come cause he didn’t care.” Oluo interrupted dryly.

“Shhh, you sourpuss! They don’t need to know tha—“

“Hanji,” Gunther said, nodding towards us as a whole. “They’re waiting.”

“Oh, right.” She set down the red sack and opened it. “Presents!”

Hanji and her four elves went around the lunchroom giving out presents, which consisted of mittens, scarves, and sweaters. Oh and you could tell they were hand-knitted, alright. They were lumpy, deformed, and the sweaters were especially scratchy. Some thought the gesture was cute, others held their items awkwardly like they didn’t know what to do with them, and others excused themselves from the table before the elves could get to them.

Hey, I’m not one to let myself be buttered up this way, but I at least pretended to be listening while Hanji listed out the “benefits” of joining the Survey Corps. Stuff like “you’ll be fighting for humanity” and “helping create a better future”, completely skidding around the fact that you’re most likely going to die while doing it.

Needless to say, Eren was the first to put his sweater on. What a tool...

“Well? What are you waiting for?” Reiner said once I had received my sweater, wrapping his own blue scarf around his brawny neck. He obviously thought this was very funny.

“Not a chance.” I said, holding the sweater in my lap. It was three sizes too big and a blinding red, with gold accents. I’d look like a ridiculous ornament in it.

“Oh, don’t be like that. Pleeaaasee? For me? Look, Bert’s got his mittens on.”

I looked at Bert, who was currently —and nervously— trying to free a finger he had gotten caught in the stitching.

“Annie, where’s your scarf?” Reiner asked, trying to find a good example.

“I fed it to Sasha.”

“What? Sasha doesn’t eat— you know what, never mind. I wouldn’t be surprised...” Reiner shook his head, turning to me again. “C’mon Jo. Have a little Christmas spirit.”

“I think that’s asking for too much. We both sold our souls.” Annie said, giving me a subtle wink.

I looked at Reiner helplessly. “She’s not wrong.”

“Heh.” Someone scoffed behind me.

Ugh, what now? I turned around and saw none other than Eren Jaeger, looking down at me in disapproval. He folded his arms over his chest stuffily. “I can’t believe someone can be so arrogant as to not accept a gift.“

By now, Hanji and her Survey Corps elves had packed up and left unnoticed.

“Who says I’m rejecting it? I just don’t want to wear it right now.” I said irritatedly. God, he had a talent for getting on my nerves.

He wasn’t buying it. “Oh please,” he said exasperatedly, “there’s no need for charades. Just admit you and Jeanie-boy have a superiority complex.”

“Hey!” Jean perked up.

That’s it. I slammed my hands on the table, getting up. “You got a problem, Jaeger?”

“Only with stuck-up people who worship the military police!” He fired back.

I stepped closer, not fazed by the fact that he was a foot taller. “I’ll beat up your ass one more time, suicidal blockhead.”

“Is that so, egotistical midget?”

“What will it take for you to believe me?”

“I don’t know— prove it!”

“Fine!” I took the damn sweater and pulled it over my head, letting it drape down to my knees. By now the whole lunchroom was watching as I angrily stepped onto my chair to gain some height, facing him smugly, itchy and with hair all ruffled from static. “There. Happy now?”

One giggle. Two giggles. Next thing I know everyone is gushing, saying stuff like awwww and so cute! I looked around in disgust. Do they think this is amusing? What the fuck am I, some kind of baby zoo animal?

Eren just stared at me in surprise, mouth agape. Strangely enough... a blush tinted his cheeks.

Don’t tell me... ugh, not him too.

I rolled my eyes and took off the sweater, balling it up and throwing it back on the table. How embarrassing.

The doors flew open again. “Alright, you maggots!” Instructor Shadis said, “Out on the courtyard! FIFTY LAPS!”

Everyone started streaming out the door, making noises of complaint. Eren walked away without another word and I did too, heading out with Annie by my side.

“Say goodbye to people taking you seriously as a soldier.” Annie smirked.

I groaned, knowing she was right.

*

*

*

//Later that night//

We waited anxiously for Sasha to come back. Connie chewed his nails, probably planning out his eulogy for his friend’s funeral, which was sure to happen if she got caught.

We didn’t think it was possible, but Sasha actually managed to come up with her stupidest idea yet. This exceeded all her other stupid moments, including eating a potato in front of the Instructor’s face. The girl manages to beat her own record every day.

Sasha proposed we stay up past curfew and have a festive gathering in the girls dormitory. Oh, and steal a liquor bottle from Instructor Shadis’s office. Everyone tried to convince her to calm down, but she was dead set on us having some holiday fun, so she went ahead and left on a mission to get that liquor.

It’s been fifteen minutes since then. And here we are, already mourning.

The boys were here too. Those who were invited made the brave journey and, surprisingly, did not get caught by the Instructor’s nightly patrol. Who were they exactly? Bertholdt, Reiner, Marco, Connie, Jean, Armin, and... Eren freaking Jaeger.

I didn’t look at him and he didn’t look at me. It was better that way.

We heard footsteps and a light knock on the door. If it’s the Instructor... we’re all in deep shit. Nobody moved, nobody breathed. Mikasa carefully pushed aside the curtain and peered through the window. “She’s back.”

Connie and Krista scrambled towards the door, unlocking it and opening it wide for Sasha. The brunette walked in casually as though she had just gotten back from a midnight stroll. She smirked and raised the liquor bottle high and proud for us all to see. Several people whooped and cheered. Annie and I just shared glances. Well... at least she was safe.

Sasha popped the cork off the bottle. “Who’s up for a round of truth or dare?”

//One Hour Later//

What started out as one round turned into seven rounds. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the game. Me, not so much. Watching other people enjoy the game was good enough entertainment for me, but I refused to participate and get dared to lick the bottom of my shoe, or worse, lick somebody. So I remained comfortably nearby with Annie and Mikasa, watching people make fools of themselves, taking a swig of the raunchy liquor whenever the bottle was passed around.

“Truth or Dare, Ymir.”

“Truth.”

“Is it true you like girls?”

“... Do ya’ll hear sumthin?”

That night was the night I discovered I could handle alcohol with no problem.

It was also the night I discovered Eren is a lightweight.

“My turn,” He hiccuped. “Truth or dare.”

“No, Eren. We ask you truth or dare.”

“Oh yeah.”  

Eventually, we moved on to a game of spin the bottle, seeing as some people kept mixing up truths and dares. This one I was forced to sit through. Literally. Sasha forced me to sit in a circle with them and we spun the bottle. Fifteen minutes in, and everyone had kissed or slapped pretty much everyone. Except me. Luck appeared to be on my side because the bottle hadn’t landed on me once. Thank goodness...

“There it goes...” Connie said as he spun the bottle.

The bottle slowed down to a stop, pointing towards Eren and Jean.

“Alright, Jean.” Connie yawned. We were all getting tired. “You have to slap Eren. Or kiss... you know, whatever you’re into.”

“Gladly.” Jean said and he pulled back his sleeve, about to swing.

Realizing he was a little too enthusiastic, it took a few of us to hold him back, and so we skipped them and spun the bottle again. This time it landed....

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

“Ooooh, now thats the kind of stuff I wanna see!” Connie said deviously. “Eren! You have to kiss or slap Johanna!”

Such a proposition made Eren snap out of his drunken reverie and look sober again. “What? I can’t slap—“

“Hell no. Don’t even try it, hotshot.” I said, trying to sound tough despite feeling my face heat up.

“Oh pleeeaaaseee?” Krista said, putting on puppy eyes. “Just one little kiss, it won’t mean anything!”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind seeing this.” Annie said with a shrug. Mikasa nodded in agreement.

The peer pressure surmounted and next thing I know, people were pushing us closer together. I’m sure my face must’ve looked like a tomato at this point. Maybe if it were anyone else it would be easier. But its Eren loud-mouth suicidal blockhead Jaeger…

Things were getting out of hand. If the commotion got any louder we would get found out for sure, and Instructor Shadis would make us run until our legs snapped in half.

“Fine, fine!” I huffed and looked at Eren, who seemed ready to shit himself. “Just get it over with.”

He leaned in. My stomach fluttered and I closed my eyes.

WHUMP!

A loud noise startled us all. Eren and I jumped apart, the moment officially ruined.

Sasha was on the floor face-down. We looked at her and then at the bunk beds, absolutely bewildered. Did she…

“Sasha, what the hell?” Ymir said. Her and Krista helped the brunette get up. “Did you dive off the top bunk?”

“I wanted to see if I could fly…” she whined, leaning on them for support. Looks like Eren wasn’t the only lightweight here.

Connie sighed. “Well, the party animal has been defeated. I think its time we call it a night, guys.”

Everyone agreed and in a manner of minutes, all the boys had said their goodbyes and Merry Christmas’s, filing quietly and stealthily out of the dormitory. I pretended not to notice, but I could’ve sworn I saw Eren steal one last glance at me before closing the door. Whatever… I tried not to think about it too much.

“Oh, well. Looks like the perfect Christmas kiss was between Sasha and the floor.” A ginger-haired girl, Hannah, said and stretched. We were all exhausted and eager to go to sleep.

“Yeah.” I said with a little smile, slipping into bed. Thanks to Sasha, I guess tonight was kind of fun.

The second my head hit the pillow, I felt an odd lump. That’s weird… I sat up and lifted my pillow, confused, only to find an unexpected surprise.

It was a flower crown. Adorned with baby’s breath, poppies, and daisies. My heart melted a bit, knowing exactly who it was from. He must’ve slipped it under my pillow sometime during the game. I unfolded the note besides it.

Its been a while...

Merry Christmas,

-Jean

[ghostmartyr]

Fic: A Terrible Idea [14/?]

Fandom: Attack on Titan Title: A Terrible Idea Author: Immi Rating: PG-13 Summary: Ymir’s pursuit of the hot cheerleader was meant to stay strictly lustful. But it’s a high school AU with a ship tag, so you know, fuck that. Notes: This is secretly a fake dating AU.

Segment summary: Historia digs the hole a little deeper.

I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII XIII

Finding more excuses after several weeks of pulling every one she could out of a hat wasn’t as simple as it sounded. Lunch, sure, and several days in the usual prep table had been gracefully overtaken by Ymir and people Ymir put up with. Pieck and Porco thought hanging out with Historia was a spectator sport, and Connie and Sasha had invited themselves when they saw an opening, because that’s what they did.

Reiner bench pressing both of them wasn’t the mood-setter Ymir was looking for, but time together was time together, and they shared zero classes. Lunch and after school. Such were the options, and neither worked great for talking about feelings. Ymir didn’t even want to talk about feelings.

“Yet somehow, you keep finding a way,” Pieck had said in the wake of one of Ymir’s light jogging sessions.

“More like you and Pock keep bringing it up,” was Ymir’s retort.

What she really needed was some time alone with Historia that didn’t leave them both putting up with crap and people they weren’t in the mood for.

“That’s called a date,” Porco had said, head slumped in his pillow while he stopped bothering with keeping his eyes open. Staying up past curfew was a trick his body had somehow never learned. In the bed on the other side of the room, slightly more awake, Marcel had supplied the similarly helpful comment of, “You two text every night. You can’t talk to her then?”

The people in her life failed at being remotely helpful with this, and she hoped they realized that. She’d told Pieck as much. Pieck, being Pieck, hadn’t cared.

“If you want to kiss her again, your mouth is the one that needs to put in the work.” She’d smiled, batting her eyes passively. “I hear you had some trouble with that the first time. Think of this as a much needed learning experience.”

Ymir’s friends were horrible people with not an ounce of compassion attributed to their combined presence.

The fucking problem, which none of them seemed to get, was that being around Historia made her happy. She liked watching her play games on her phone and teasing her about her jackass parents. She liked having someone around who listened to her bitch about her day. She liked how Historia told her she was being a dick while she squeezed her hand.

She liked the stupid, everyday being together enough that she wasn’t actually thinking about kissing her every second of the day, and bringing that up would grind it to a halt, and the only grinding she wanted to do was with Historia.

But with feelings now.

She’d been pretty upfront about the parts that didn’t take feelings. The new addition was different, and.

Just and.

Completing that thought was probably the first step to convincing Historia that making out needed to enter their socializing mix. With Ymir being such a catch, it would probably be the only step, but it was a step that kept not fucking happening for reasons of who the fuck knows.

A lifetime of watching other people screw up their feelings and laughing about it said that Ymir was probably the fuck who knew.

So she took up walking Historia to her car after cheerleading practice and thought about completely fucking over the warm glow that had decided it lived in her chest by talking about wanting the warm glow to be a real, tangible thing with labels and anniversaries.

Historia was fine with Ymir hitting her up for sex and breaking into lockers. Ymir asking her to spend the rest of her life with her was something else, also moving pathetically fast and probably creepy. Too bad that was the only way she could think of saying it, so sad, maybe they’d conveniently trip into each other in a secluded space and Historia would temporarily gain five inches of height so they could just accidentally make out and never talk about it.

Late Friday afternoon, as they walked to the hellspot of asphalt that contained Historia’s driver, that still hadn’t happened. Ymir was shocked. Truly. Shocked.

Sweeping one of the borrowed school towels through her sweat-tousled hair, Ymir struck up some conversation that kept her from thinking about the way Historia looked at her when she did that. “So why the cheerleading?”

“PE credit?”

Another thing Ymir liked about Historia. It was really easy to figure out where to dig.

“Nice try, but you like PE.”

Historia was trying not to smile. She had to try now. “How would you know? My PE years weren’t at this school.”

“Sure, and the fact that you sulk hard enough to bring down thunderclouds whenever your coach cuts practice short doesn’t say anything at all about what you like to do with your body,” Ymir said. “You never complain about the crap choreography because you get to do flips. You’ve got jock written all over your prep face.”

Historia’s shoulder dug into Ymir’s side. “The choreography isn’t that bad.”

“If you cared at all you wouldn’t be able to say that.” Ymir casually dropped her arm down and around Historia. A quick sight check confirmed she was okay with it. As did the small arm snaking across her back. “So,” Ymir continued, stars and lightning and all things frightening lighting up her world, “why did the girl with no cheer pick leading that charge?”

Historia took an exaggeratingly long time feeding her Tamagotchi as the parking lot crept closer.

“Don’t tell me it was the cute girls in skirts.”

“Jealous?” Historia drawled.

“Please,” Ymir said. “They’ve got nothing on me.”

Historia bit her lip and gave the parts of Ymir’s body she wasn’t glued to a thriceover. Ymir’s knees, a little worn out from running, weakened, and Historia’s arm around her waist turned into a weirdly stable anchor.

“If you don’t give me an answer now I’ll just bug you all night,” Ymir said. Nary a choked word in hearing.

Reaching the loading zone section of the sidewalk, Historia stopped. Racing to join Ralph or Sannes and leave Ymir behind was real low on the priority list. “Frieda,” she said.

“Your sis—?”

“Historia!”

Ymir still, despite Hannah’s token efforts, got the track team all over her ass about joining up. She had amazing legs, and everyone wanted them. She was also just plain faster than everyone on the team. Pieck had a passive aggressive stopwatch reading to prove it.

Historia was frozen stiffer than a popsicle. In a fraction of time unobservable by humans later, she had vanished from Ymir’s side and left several Olympic records in smithereens.

“Frieda!”

All that was visible of her was a tiny blonde cannonball plunging into a human who would have been dubbed stunning in any other company.

Plus that smile.

Holy shit that smile.

Ymir almost forgot to miss holding her when Historia was smiling like that. She was hugging the tall young lady (Ymir had never actually met anyone before who fit the term, but Frieda was a lady) with a strength usually reserved for repressed homicidal urges, and she was smiling. Really smiling. With light and sunshine spilling out of her face like the radiance of the universe was trapped up inside her.

The sister was hugging her back maybe half as tightly, but no less happily, because there was no way to be in the presence of that smile, to cause that smile, without some of it rubbing off.

“There you are! How was practice?”

Ymir didn’t think Historia had ever cared less about cheerleading in her life.

“It… it was good! What—when did you get here?”

Frieda stroked several stray hairs back behind Historia’s ear, looking down at her like they were sharing a secret. “Just now,” she said. “What do you think, a good surprise?”

“Yes! I—yes, Frieda, it’s…” Historia had the same level of words to put to the situation that Ymir did. She went with hugging her sister some more instead. Still with the smiling.

Ymir stood in the background like a forgotten stagehand and couldn’t even mind.

Only she was a little less than wholly forgotten, it turned out. Frieda’s sugary sweet teddy bear affection sharpened over Historia’s head. They had the same eyes, but this pair hadn’t had weeks of being won over with charm and good looks.

Ymir had a very dark hunch, and very little evidence against it.

“Who’s this?” Frieda asked lightly.

It was a heavy compliment, Ymir knew, that Historia instantly broke her hug enough to look back at Ymir. She didn’t lose the smile when she did. If anything it brightened. Ymir didn’t think she felt her heart anymore. Mush didn’t have nerve endings.

“This,” Historia said, with all the significance she’d skipped for the last family meet and greet, “is Ymir.”

“Oh,” Frieda said benignly. “The same Ymir you brought to Dad’s party?”

Historia’s smile evaporated.

Ymir’s hunch started to feel a little more like fact.

She had only met Historia’s parents once. If a second time came up, she didn’t see it ending without a murder, and the only thing sparing Frieda at the moment was the streak of overprotectiveness lacing the hammer of judgment she was throwing Ymir’s way.

“That’s me,” Ymir said. There were worse introductions. Better, too, but she was guessing Mama and Papa Reiss had already screwed her on that front.

Frieda smiled congenially at her. You know, like how mother bears bared their teeth before they disemboweled whatever previously living thing was unfortunate enough to step near their cub. “You must be good friends,” she said.

It was bait on a devilish hook, and Ymir wasn’t going to be able to help the swallow.

Historia beat her to it.

It could have happened in slow motion. In a movie reenactment, it would have, and missed out on the stumbling garble that came from Historia saying the words faster than she had time to think about them.

Before Ymir could even think about tactics, in a second of combusting defiance, what tripped out of Historia’s mouth in front of her shiny, sparkly paragon of a sister who would accept nothing less was, “Ymir’s my girlfriend.”

…

So, the obvious: No, she was not.

The other obvious, stashed between Frieda’s good-natured, lying, happy exclamation of surprise and Historia’s rapidly paling face:

Holy fuck that so needed to change.

Next

[ephemeralem0tions]

Make story about Ererihan feat 104th cadet please❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Your wish! Is my command

I TBH wrote this while listening to Some Nights by FUN (great song). So have some immature jokes along the way, I wanted it to be a bit funny since the last three fics I have written last time were all sad XD

Some Nights (EruRiHan x 104th Cadets - Midnight Breaks)

Theme: Drinking and Bets

Rating: PG

Warning: Curse Words

AOT WEEK || send your asks/requests here x.

They watched as the squad leader took another swig of her mug, gulping all the contents in one solid motion. Cheers erupted, as her cheeks flushed pink under the influence of alcohol, smiling goofily and eyes seeming to wander into all directions.

Connie and Sasha watched her with fascination as she laughed it off, their minds equally affected with booze as she was. Jean Kirchtein had been bragging how he was better than the squad leader while Eren had challenged him, the poor boy spitting out a his drink after having too much, the others laughing at him as he scolded them, a facade for his embarrassment. Historia quietly had her fill, hesitant at first, but letting herself drown her sorrow of loosing Ymir after a few nudges by Sasha. Amongst the 104th squad, only Mikasa and Armin were sober. The raven haired girl seemingly unaffected even after calling some shots for Jaeger, Armin as always, said no to any form of beverage that would put him off his right mind. The Commander and Corporal had also joined their fun for the night, sitting across the young scouts with a drunk off her ass Hanji between them. Erwin had been admittedly buzzed from all he took in the past hour, Levi, still going strong, not even a single finger twitching as he took on more liquid.

These were the rare nights of the Survey Corps, wherein they’d be goofing around after a long and tiring day. Some of the nights they’d cherish, drinking under the subtle lamp light inside the pantry after dark. The Commander, even after loosing an arm a couple of weeks ago, would not pass this moment up. Levi, just right after his leg was healed took part in the chaos as well, claiming they would need someone sober to look after them. Hanji drowned herself, avoiding the thoughts of her fallen friends in the last expedition. The 104th cadets were still accepting the fact that Reiner and Bertholdt were the titans that wreaked havoc and ruined peace five years ago.

They let themselves indulge in the cheap alcohol Mike had left them in one of the cellars of the kitchen. A few bottles immediately going empty while the stronger ones were reserved for the long run. They were already on half of a bottle of Bacardi, taking shots alternatively as they laughed and share stories, forgetting about all the problems and sadness for now.

“More!” Hanji slurred, raising her mug up as Jean shakily slid the bottle across the table, Levi grabbing the glass and stopping it before it reached the brunette woman.

“That’s enough shitty glasses” he hissed, pulling the alcohol away from her direction, while she flailed her arms up lazily in an attempt to reach the item.

“But I want more” she pouted, as he used a free hand to push her away from her forehead.

“You’re already bat shit drunk. You’ll have a damn headache again and complain about your shitty hangover tomorrow morning” he growled, still holding her off.

“He’s right Hanji, you should stop” Erwin spoke from her opposite side, taking another swig of his own share.

“I really get the same answers from the same old men” she laughed bitterly. “You are all no fair”

The two men, upon noticing her distress, looked at each other and nodded. Levi let go of the bottle and poured her half of her glass, which she immediately obliged to. She was most likely thinking about Mike again, and it would beat the whole purpose of their drinking.

Levi knew it would take her only a few more drops to be knocked out, that was all they needed. As selfish as it is, they wanted to forget everything even for the night and act like everything was alright. They just needed a small break from reality before facing the truth again come day break, they didn’t need the squad leader sharing gloom after already an hour of being stress free.

As Levi predicted, she let down her mug and let it tilt till it dropped from her grasp with a thud once it hit the wooden table. Levi winced at the noise and possibility that the glass broke. He lifted it up carefully and sighed as he eyed at her peacefully sleeping figure. She had always bee the same, resistance low for booze, always the first one to be knocked out cold during their sessions.

He reached out a hand to carefully remove stray strands of hair that framed her eyes, another set of fingers hitting his before he could do so. His gaze met the blonde man from the other direction, eyebrows equally furrowed as his as they showed the same concern for the woman between them, tension slowly building up that the new recruits seemed to notice.

“I bet they both have a thing for the squad leader” Connie first whispered to Sasha, way too loud that the two men heard it, and whipped their attention towards the boy.

“Seconded” Sasha laughed, totally oblivious to the stares of her superiors.

“What are you brats talking about?!” the Corporal hissed, making the duo pipe down as they stared at them with fear.

“N-nothing sir! S-sorry!” The girl trembled, trying to brush them off.

“Well I guess the truth cannot be held off for long” Erwin laughed, surprising the short man nearly a meter away from him. “Relationships aren’t really forbidden amongst us soldiers, but it is a choice” His only hand reached out for her, finally tucking the loose hair behind her hair.

“So is that a confirmation that you indeed like her Commander?” Jean smirked, before Eren nudged him and he managed to spill a few drops of liquor on his pants.

“Why are we even talking about this?” Levi groaned, shooting an intimidating look to the cadets in front of him who seemed to take entertainment into the lives of their superiors.

“I actually do like her, but I’d rather not be selfish for my own feelings” Erwin declared, earning a holler from the scouts.

Levi was becoming confused, not being able to say a word as he stared at the Commander with anger, or rather jealousy. He couldn’t fathom it why he was so affected by Erwin’s proclamation of Love for the filthy woman, but he was beyond annoyed, his heart bubbling an unfamiliar feeling to his senses.

“The Corporal is suddenly quiet” Sasha snickered, earning another glare from him.

“He’s just jealous” Connie pointed out to him.

“Enough about this topic” he growled at everyone, yet they did not pipe down. He started getting tickled off by their alcohol induced systems. They will surely be consumed by their own faults the next morning, through a hell of a hangover. He knew they probably will not remember anything about their activities the next morning, and will wake up groggy and in pain.

“Just admit it Corporal, what happens in this room stays here” Eren gave him a small smile, one that felt weird. Jaeger was surely getting too close with everyone today. He did not even lash out on Mikasa for taking his shares a few times. He only teased Jean quite a fewer times than usual and was getting all good boy manner to everyone else.

“My personal life is none of your business” he took another shot, feeling the pressure everyone around him threw in his way.

“So you admit it?” Armin taunted this time. He shot a look at the boy who who only gave him a playful smile.

“The corporal is blushing” Jean teased, he felt like he could never get tired shooting death glares to the scouts, yet they��d never pay any respect for him in their drunken state.

“So what is it to you if I bathe four eyes, save her from her damn titans, and clean her shitty glasses from time to time huh? You should all just find another brat to like and care about your own damn relationships” he hissed, surprised faces coming his way.

Silence enveloped them, as he realized what he had said. He had just revealed to the young ones that he cared for the woman. Erwin looked at him with a stoic expression, yet fiery eyes which dug into his soul. He returned the favor, having confidence to fight for her but never knew where the feeling came from. A fight on intimidation lingered between the two men, the one they are fighting for safe and soundly asleep under their gazes.

“I bet on the Commander” Jean broke the silence.

“How could you say that?!” Connie shot back. “I’ll put all Sasha’s secret food stash under her bed for the Corporal” the two superiors had directed their attention to the boy. Levi, knowing that he’d be the sober one, took note to check the cadet quarters the following morning for some stolen loots of food.

“Connie!” the brunette nervously hushing her partner.

“Just put your bet on the Corporal and I won’t point it out” she nodded her head.

“I’d say the Corporal” Eren followed, their eyes landing on the people who haven’t voted yet.

“Wherever Eren goes, I go” Mikasa followed.

“I say the safest bet would be the Commander” Historia finally spoke, sudden interest spurting out that the topic.

“But did no one think about Moblit who seemed to admire the Squad Leader so much too?” Armin spoke.

“Shut up Arlert” Levi growled at him, before returning his fury back to Erwin who was still unfazed.

“That was not even in the choices Armin” Eren scolded him while the blonde boy gave an apologetic look.

Their staring contest went on for a few minutes, none of the men showing intent to cave in. Even though it seemed ridiculous that they were fighting about a woman who will probably wake up the next morning without knowledge of what happened, everyone seemed so entertained about it. Two superiors bantering over another one, a rare issue between soldiers that was definitely eye and ear candy for anybody else.

“This is stupid” Levi first groaned, knowing the fight would not result to anything.

“But its already amusing Levi. Besides, I never intend to loose” Erwin added fuel to the fire.

“Shut up Erwin. I bet your brainy ass won’t even remember a thing tomorrow like the rest of you brats” they only laughed at him.

“They may not remember captain, but you’re not the only sober one in this room” Armin gave him a wicked look which sent chills up his spine. The kid has his own way of mental torture that can fuck up everyone in his way. He certainly had something up his sleeve, like the two smart veterans he was fooling with at the moment. They always had a plan, and Arlert seemed to be on their level as well.

“This thing would be useless if you all plummet to unexpected death on the next expedition” he growled, silence suddenly stopping their fun. He touched a sensitive topic which immediately made him want to take it back for a moment. How dare he mention their precious lives into their jokes.

“Yeah that’s right!” Connie screamed. “Therefore, we must all live to witness this great moment of who gets to marry squad leader Hanji” although annoyed, he silently thanked the boy for easing the gloomy aura he caused. The others began to perk up and join him.

“Yup! We will live for years long and watch weather the Commander or Corporal wins” Eren followed short after.

“I still bet on the Commander though” Jean declared.

“And I still bet Sasha’s food stash on the Corporal” he got a glare from the brunette.

“Just shut up and get over with all already” Levi hissed.

“Then I say we survive and see the greater days” Erwin raised his newly filled mug up the air. He sent a smile on Levi’s way as he raised his own glass to the middle.

“Survive and live a better life!” Connie joined in.

“Survive and reclaim land for more cattle and meat!” Sasha piped up, eyes looking up as she imagined all the food opportunities.

“Survive and regain peace for the land” Historia added, somewhat already sounding like a proclaimed queen.

“Survive and reclaim Shiganshina, uncover the knowledge my father had left behind for me” The last trio merged their own glasses to the circle.

“Survive and find out the truth about my titan babies!”

“Survive!” They all chanted, clicking their mugs together and chugging the last drops of liquor they had. A smile on everyone’s faces as they vowed to live.

“Well that was great booze!” her laughter erupted once again, making everyone turn their heads towards her. “What did I miss?” she asked, hazel irises wide as all her comrades stared at her.

“Hanji” Erwin laughed first, clearly intoxicated.

“You fucking four eyes” Levi followed, earning soft chuckles from everyone.

Still, after that night, she was oblivious to everything that happened around her.

[ghostmartyr]

Fic: While We Live, Let Us Live

Fandom: Attack on Titan Title: While We Live, Let Us Live Author: Immi Rating: PG-13 Summary: Amnesia’s a small price to pay for being alive. Historia remembers, Ymir doesn’t, and love bowls them over just the same. Notes: It’s not... not canon compliant? Yet? This is a Good End post-finale fic where Ymir has survived Galliard’s inheritance of the Jaw Titan. Cue a return to Paradis and shippiness.

There was a certain creep factor in meeting people who knew more about you than you knew about yourself. Ymir had mostly gotten used to it, with Reiner, but Reiner was the kind of wet blanket who liked to pretend he never knew her, and just happened across some stray Eldian amnesiac alongside the road and thought throwing his influence around to get her a private hospital bed was the sort of thing anyone would do every day, for all sorts of reasons that had nothing to do with guilt.

If she had any memories at all, she was pretty sure she could have had a blast winding him up. It was a little harder to do when she didn’t have a clue what had gone wrong in her life to land her in his care.

She had more than a clue nowadays. She had a whole classified military file on all the ways she was supposed to be dead.

Nothing in it really explained why the so-called heroes of the latest Eldian war knew her by name and looked about ready to pop into tears at the sight of her.

Reiner said they were friends.

Pock told her to stop looking at him like he had the answers just because he had a bit of her old life playing back in his head. He’d said a few more unflattering things when she pointed out that he did have the answers, he was just a recalcitrant ass about it thanks to his hate-on for Reiner.

What was even the point of insulting her parents’ breeding habits. For all any of the people she met knew, she could have spawned out of midair and ended up with the same crappy life that led her into theirs.

That was a thing that was actually in the file she wasn’t supposed to have. She was technically older than all these people, which made it really obvious how little respect anyone she associated with had for their elders. It also came with the perk of the majority of the life she couldn’t remember not meaning a damn thing to anything with a pulse.

It was those few years after she’d gone to town on Pock’s brother that caused the issues, these days.

The day of also came with a few challenges, but it wasn’t like Pock ever wanted to be in the same room as her anyway.

Minus that one time where he thought he’d be returning the favor she’d paid his brother.

Most of what she heard in Marley about her previous life was gory and angsty enough that she got by just fine not remembering a whit of it. As far as she could tell, that was all everyone else wanted. She was the only person she knew who didn’t wake up screaming five times a week over one thing or another.

She was counting her new old friends in that list.

The ones who did care about her not remembering them.

Thanks to her having a life after gobbling down Pock’s brother.

A life that she hadn’t totally ruined, from the sound of things, and by how distraught some of the creepers were when they first tackled her to the ship deck. The bald kid could barely get a word out.

Then he had, and so came the picture of how she totally had ruined her life.

She’d gone from a hospital ward to the frontlines of a battlefield trying to keep Reiner from ending up in a very different hospital ward in the blink of an eye, so she couldn’t really be shocked that she’d followed a similar path of personal destruction once upon a time.

Though it came across like it’d cost her a lot more than just her memories.

Or it’d cost someone they liked more a lot more than just Ymir’s memories.

She must have heard the name a million times that first damn hour back in their company.

Historia.

Past the hugging and the sobbing, that was all anyone could say to her. Even Reiner was hung up on it. His version came with a lot more horror and a shipload of new guilt, but the impression Ymir got was still that her life basically revolved around this girl, and that was really important so she should care.

Oh yeah, and the girl was the queen of the place they were headed. In case the emotional heft she didn’t feel hadn’t gotten the Importance across.

Between Reiner and the gloomy Titan who needed a haircut (and the bald kid, and the girl who had joined him in tackling her halfway into the ocean), she pulled out enough of the story to get the gist.

She was not going to enjoy meeting Historia.

Somehow, in a life she didn’t remember, this one girl had done such a number on her that she’d almost killed herself for her a dozen odd times, including an incident where she took on a shrieking mass of hungry titans and got a few limb torn off, and really, everything she heard was mostly good for convincing her that more tears and even less comfort with her lack of memories awaited.

And Reiner and his crew were on such thin ice that she’d have to be more of a dick than she thought she wanted to be to diss the queen outright.

All in all, the hospital room hadn’t been so bad.

What might have been more creepy than hanging out with a bunch of people who know more about yourself than you ever will...

Was meeting Historia Reiss.

“Might,” was pretty damn generous.

The first disturbing thing was that she was pretty.

Start-wars-over-it pretty. Not that any place she could remember being needed much of a reason to begin with.

She moved with the same grace all the Paradis folks had. Like the gear they wore was just for show, and they could rise up into the air at a thought. She’d seen that flight in action. She wouldn’t mind giving it a shot. Reiner said she had the training for it.

This girl, though. Blonde hair gleaming in the sunlight, longer than most of her soldiers wore it; face way too tense for those flowing steps; and a soft voice that carried commands into every ear. She had to be half the size of everyone on the ship. She was even shorter than that prized fighter of theirs.

Ymir was not interested in staring at the girl she’d given up everything for. She didn’t have much everything left, and what she did have was all hers, not whatever she’d been before’s.

She stared.

She didn’t have her memories. She wasn’t naive enough to think that was open to change. Pock had them, and in return she still had a beating heart. No refunds. Life was stingy like that.

That beating heart of hers went into overdrive anyway.

It was just one look.

It lasted a lifetime, since her eyes somehow forgot how to blink, but it was still only one look. One look for her chest to ache with want, and pain, and something so glorious that there wasn’t enough room inside of her to hold it.

That was before Historia looked back.

That was before Ymir took a single step forward and was paralyzed by a beauty that outshone the world.

Someone had to have warned her. No one would be cruel enough to let her believe it was a real reunion between her and her loved one. Every word people had bounced at Ymir had love laced between. These people, the ones she knew once, were a family, and there was no way they wouldn’t look out for this girl.

She had to have known, when she first looked Ymir in the eye.

This wasn’t the girl she knew.

This wasn’t the girl she loved.

Just some ancient war token that no one knew what to do with.

She smiled anyway.

The steps Ymir couldn’t take vanished under her quick feet, and she had to know, she had to, but she was smiling, and beautiful, and there was no one else in her eyes. The world shrunk to hold the two of them, a blistering haze of joy outstripping every pain Ymir had never felt.

“You don’t remember me,” Historia Reiss said, gentle warmth exuded with every word, brightness and victory trailing a moment behind, “but my name’s Historia.”

She held out her hand.

Before their fingers even grazed, Ymir knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she’d be willing to die for this girl all over again.

The terror of it wasn’t enough to change that.

People were not meant to be this nice.

Ymir knew that what few years she had of life to look back on weren’t the greatest indicator of human behavior, but as near as she could tell, there was no excuse in the world for Historia to beam like the sun every time they happened to make eye contact. Blinding, unnecessary, and enough to make her feel like she was waking up after some extended hibernation.

Anything Ymir needed was taken care of without a word. Want a warm bed? Regular meals? Done. Want to steer clear of all the political crap every single person who knew her name had gotten embroiled in? Super. Want to wander around outside without being watched for once? Hey, it was time for the guards to have stealth practice anyway.

It wouldn’t have been quite so weird if Historia actually talked to her. Whatever people skills the Paradis queen had, they stalled out at smiles and staring when they were together.

Ymir wanted to say she was better, and she was, because she just stuck with the staring, but the whole thing was getting on her nerves.

"What’s the problem, Ugly? She’s happy you’re back.”

Ymir flicked a pebble at Connie’s head, lounging on a boulder by the field where his mother was staying. The tiny guy’s only remaining family was a titan, free to live a life tied to the ground and starving.

Like a normal person, that made him miserable. One of her other new old friends, Sasha, came with him sometimes to visit the neglected parent, but he mostly went by himself. Until Ymir started inviting herself along. They were both surprised by that.

He kicked her when she first met the last titan, hidden away in some unused farm space, and said she could see the family resemblance. Because this relationship actually made sense, and didn’t strangle her heart or kill all her higher brain function.

“She knows I don’t remember her, right? She’s doing this for some stranger who couldn’t care less about her or all her damage.”

Connie shrugged, watching his mother. Despite logic laughing at him for thinking gestures like that mattered, his mother was looking back. She never saw anything else when he was around.

Was everyone on this damn island broken?

“For someone who doesn’t care, you sure spend a lot of time whining about it,” he said, popping the lid on his canteen. “You’re as bad as you used to be with her, you just mope instead of jumping off buildings.”

Ymir rolled her eyes, a flush of indignant heat finding her. “I don’t know a thing about her except that she’s too damn nice. What kind of starting point is that?”

Connie tossed the pebble she’d flicked over back at her. “If it bugs you so much, why don’t you just talk to her? Like one of those normal people you’re always saying you are.”

“Yeah, since normal people have the Queen waiting at their beck and call. She just hangs out waiting for them to need her so she can bend over backwards to make their lives better.” She plucked Connie’s canteen out of his hands and took a sip. “We’re supposed to be devils. Where did you even find someone like her?”

Connie gave her the look everyone around her liked handing out when they were thinking how much simpler their lives would be if she could remember hers. “In whatever hole you pushed her out of.”

Ymir decided to wait on telling Connie she was taking his advice. Then when it all went terribly she could just laugh at him instead of having to put up with his encouraging her. Like she really needed someone’s hand to hold over a simple conversation.

A simple conversation that several diplomatic meetings got rearranged over.

If people didn’t keep telling her how much she’d meant to their reigning monarch, a three-second examination of any choice Historia had made since Ymir showed up on her island would have cleared it up just fine.

Ymir sat on the desk in the room she’d chosen for this little talk. Her first thought was to play it down and use her room. Then she thought about how she reacted to the girl when they weren’t in private and kicked an aide out of his office.

When Historia walked in, guards positioned safely out of sight, she congratulated herself on her choice, because she had common sense even if she didn’t have her memories, and she would not survive having this girl in her personal space.

She was beautiful. Even before the smile she saved for Ymir came out.

With it, Ymir had never heard of common sense, never knew it, and would need a full reintroduction for it to have a prayer of influencing her life. If there was any justice in the world, it and Historia would switch places.

“You wanted to talk to me?”

Every second of every day for the rest of my life.

It was disgusting how fast she could go from zero to sap with Historia in the room. Everyone expecting it almost made her want to look at her old memories so that she’d have some idea of how some girl she could lift over her head with one arm had her so completely whipped.

Ymir focused on keeping her slouch against the desk casual. “Yeah, I did.”

How did someone with such an honest face get into politics? Oh right, nepotism. Historia had enough practice to hide the jolt of hope that flashed across her face, but Ymir, since the staring still wasn’t a thing she had control over, still caught it.

“About anything in particular?” Historia asked. She was even worse at keeping the longing out of her voice.

One of the major players in finding world peace, and she couldn’t go a minute without melting in front of the girl she liked. That should have evened the playing field, but all it did was bring out a skipping heartbeat Ymir didn’t need.

“You rearranged your whole day for a talk with some nobody and you don’t know what it’s about? With strategic planning like that, I can see why everyone wants you in charge,” Ymir said.

She liked that look in the Queen’s eyes. That spark of challenge that she was too sweet and sugary to let out. Almost as much as her body liked the shroud of dark sincerity that whisked it away.

“You’re not nobody,” Historia said. Looking straight into Ymir’s soul, and somehow believing that with an earnest intensity that empires fell against.

Ymir looked away. Parchment crumpled under her balled hands, and Historia too another couple of steps forward. She didn’t have to look to know that. It was like her whole body was wired to know where she was, and want her closer.

“What are you getting out of this?” she muttered.

She knew what she was. Someone to look at her like that. Someone who moved mountains for her and made her heart glow and never asked for a damn thing in return.

But that was just it. The way everyone else saw it, she was an incomplete version of someone they all cared for. They were all sad there wasn’t more to her, even if they tried to hide it. They sucked at hiding things. They wanted their friend back. Even Connie, and he was the one who was willing to be friends with the new her anyway. The person she lived knowing herself to be wasn’t enough for any of them, and they thought lying about that was less painful than coming out and saying it.

Except for Historia.

The person everyone kept telling her cared most.

The person standing right in front of her, the pain all of this should have been putting her through nowhere in sight, because she was that nice, or that practiced at stashing it under warm smiles and kindness that belonged to someone else.

“You,” Historia said. “I get you.”

Why that was what did it would have to stay a mystery.

What it set off wasn’t.

Ymir ripped herself from the desk and grabbed Historia by the neck of her dress, temper clenching her fists and heart bleeding all over the blatant stupidity that made it sing.

Heat raced through her, stinging her eyes. “That person isn’t even here anymore.”

Letting go might have been the smart choice. She didn’t. She leaned in close, looking for the moment when all the awe-inspiring, glorious love remembered who was standing in front of it, and turned to pain.

She’d never once seen this girl in the agony that life demanded from her. It was there, and raw, and overpowering, because it had to be, but all she got was smiles and joy, and remembering fewer years than everyone else didn’t mean she was born yesterday.

She glowered down at Historia, waiting, waiting, and completely unable and unwilling to stop her mouth from running.

“Stop acting like you’re okay with all of this. Like me being alive is enough for you. You’re pretending that it’s all fine, because I made it through and that’s all you wanted, but that’s crap, and we both know it. You don’t want me alive, you want me.” Ymir breathed in heavily, holding back the bitter laughter. “Only guess what, that version's not here anymore! She up and ditched you! Your girlfriend left, and all that came back was some empty husk!”

She threw her hand down from gripping Historia’s dress. The little queen’s expression had gone blank, and part of her relished in destroying all of the good feelings that being together brought to life in her. She shook her head, and bared her teeth in a grin she’d never felt less.

“What the fuck is wrong with you that you’re not pissed about that?”

Historia’s head slammed into her jaw.

Ymir saw stars.

Her head snapped back, feet sliding out from under her, back crashing into the desk. The rest of her should have followed, but a rough hand grabbed her by the front of her shirt before she could fall, and the next thing Ymir was aware of was the floor.

The floor, and Historia on top of her, chest heaving, and none of the ruinous pain in sight. Just a firestorm of rage.

All directed at her.

“Fine,” she said, spitting the word out venomously. “Fine. You left. You left and got yourself killed, and I don’t know if you’re ever going to remember me, or who you were, and if you had just stayed, none of this would be happening.” Her hands shook around Ymir’s collar. Ymir wanted to blame them on her inability to breathe. “But you didn’t. You ran off being stupid and noble, and all you had to say about it was one letter telling me all about how you were going to die.”

Her voice cracked. “And now you’re here. You’re here and alive, and if you hadn’t sold off all your memories, maybe you’d understand why that’s enough.

“I don’t need you to be mine. I don’t need you to remember who I am. I don’t even need you to like me!”

The shouting hit a snag, Historia’s grip on Ymir’s shirt having yanked them thoroughly into the same air. Her eyes glittered with several years worth of tears, and damn it all, Ymir thought they were pretty enough before they started shining like the frigging night sky. One human being had no business being this attractive.

Teardrops landed on her cheek. Rolling down her face instead of Historia’s.

Ymir didn’t know what to make of the ones joining in from her eyes.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” Historia said. Her voice warbled, but the same steel Ymir caught in every one of her speeches was out in force. Though it had never really felt like this. Hard and intimate, with every word belonging to Ymir’s ears only. “You’re here and not dead, and I’m happy. Being with you--being near you, hearing your voice, watching you smile or roll your eyes or pull some idiotic stunt... I thought all of that was gone forever. I thought you were only a memory, and all I’ve done for the past four years is wonder when I’d lose that, too, and how a world without you could ever make sense.”

She blinked rapidly, scattering more tears and glaring at Ymir like this whole mess was her fault.

Maybe for the first time, Ymir appreciated how much it definitely was.

“I love you,” Historia declared.

“You don’t get to say that doesn’t matter just because you don’t remember loving me back.”

She let go. With vigor. Ymir’s skull thudded against the floor, and the Queen of Paradis stood up from straddling her and stomped out the room. The slamming door barely registered.

Ymir lay there. Her fingers absently wound around a thread Historia’s hands had wrung free from her shirt. If any other part of her was needed, it was gonna have to wait in line.

She’d walked away from that girl once.

Of her own free will.

What the fuck.

Ymir decided not to tell Connie any of it.

He retaliated by not commenting on her bruised face.

She sat on her rock, watching him watch his mom, stewing in every horrible decision the last idiot running her body had made, along with the several she could take credit for.

“I wrote her a letter?”

Connie’s head snapped her way, and he was nowhere as good as Historia at disguising the hope in his eyes. “You remember?”

“Not so much. A little birdie brought it up.” Loudly.

Connie wilted, but not as much as Sasha would have. And without the crippling depression Reiner had reacted with. He had more feelings tied up in that letter than Historia did. Unfortunately, now that people were letting him be a good boy, he thought it wasn’t his place to tell her what’d been in it.

Her more well-adjusted buddy looked similarly uncomfortable.

“So,” she said, “you know what it was about?”

“I don’t know what was on it,” he admitted slowly. “But I think it was a private thing. For both of you."

Ymir shifted uncomfortably on top of the boulder, glancing up at the sky. “What, confessing my love before I kicked it?”

“Maybe?”

“Great, I’m sure that wasn’t emotionally scarring at all.”

Connie didn’t say anything. He’d been one of the people present when Pock and Historia first crossed paths. Before the end of the war. Ymir didn’t know everything about that, but she’d heard the stories.

The idea of someone she didn’t know being that broken up over her had bothered her at the time.

Now she had a memory of what Historia crying looked like, and a new reason to be bothered.

She left the field without Connie.

Historia’s guards didn’t even have the decency to look suspicious when she knocked on her bedroom door in the middle of the night. These weren’t people any version of her had met. They just had a natural expectation that she’d want to talk to their supreme leader at random, inconvenient times, and were perfectly okay with that.

They probably had orders to be perfectly okay with that.

Ymir probably wasn’t intended to find that sort of hot. She tried not to. It was aggravating, not compelling. Some other her was the one who’d tripped herself down a hill falling for Historia. Her approach still had some dignity to it.

She didn’t completely dissolve into mush when Historia opened the door in a sleepy stupor. She thought she might, but the edge Historia’s eyes took on before losing out to the relief she carried around like a banner was the type of attractive that commanded attention.

“Hi,” Ymir said. “Invite me in?”

Historia waited a few seconds. Enough to fully remind both of them how their last visit went, and enough for Ymir to wonder if there was some protocol she was meant to follow after getting in a shouting match with royalty. Which might have been the point. But the moment passed, and Historia stepped aside with an eyeroll that had too much softness in it to be effective.

Ymir had never been in Historia’s bedroom before.

She wasn’t going to think about that. She took in the scenery instead.

Windows covered an entire wall, thick curtains drawn carelessly over them so a crack of moonlight splayed over the floor. Oversized furniture was shoved into corners, and the wealth everything was covered in only made the total lack of personal touches stand out more.

Except for the floor, which was covered with the disemboweled remains of a bed. The amount of fluff stripped from the actual bed was enough to get lost in. Impossibly cushy and warm, and stacked high enough to be a tripping hazard. Fit for a queen, even if the one in question wasn’t interested in using any of it. Ymir wondered if any of the maids ever tried to complain, or if Historia put it all back each morning before anyone saw.

Historia stepped over the pile without a thought, plopping back on her bed and sitting against the headboard. Her eyes were half shut, but Ymir could feel them on her. Taking in every tense muscle and scar. Trailing up and down with something a little past affection and deep into trouble. Ymir crossed her arms and started investigating the chandelier hooked to the ceiling.

“You stare at all your guests this way,” she asked blithely, delighting in Historia’s embarrassed jump, “or am I just special?”

She turned back in time to catch the splash of red blossoming in Historia’s cheeks, feeling pleased enough with herself to ignore what she’d think of her face if she had a mirror around. Along with the dangerous corner of her mind looking for Historia to say the magic words one more time.

Historia rubbed at her face, a bit more awake, and a bit less patient. “You wanted something?”

Ymir smirked. “Would you let me stay if I said no?”

“Probably.” Historia closed her eyes fully, resting her head on her fist. Still slumped against the headboard, the covers she hadn’t tossed on the floor were pooled by her feet. Probably where she kicked them aside when she heard the knock on her door. Sloppy, human behavior. Nothing like the goddess all of her staff called her.

It was cute.

It made Ymir’s chest feel like it was going to burst, but still. Cute.

“You said I wrote you a letter.”

And there was that ruined. Historia’s eyes snapped back open, meeting hers. Ymir couldn’t say she cared for that at the moment, so she went back to pretending to care about the wall hangings generations of fake kings had slept under until the real deal showed up. It made the words come easier, and if this was going to be uncomfortable and awkward, there was no reason to draw it out.

“Do you have it around?”

Silence got into her ears. Her heart kept trying to block it out, and didn’t do such a bad job, but the easy, relaxed stillness of the overstuffed bedroom had frosted over.

Bedsprings squeaked.

Feet dropped to the floor.

A drawer slid open.

Ymir waited, anticipating anything from a punch to delicate questions about whether or not this was really a thing she was interested in exposing herself to.

She didn’t get either. A quick tap of parchment landed on her head. The silence stuck with it, but she turned around and pulled the offending item from Historia’s fingers. It was so worn it was almost soft. Keeping with the tactile comfort, Ymir dropped to Historia’s bed and crossed her legs on top of her blankets.

A moment later, the mattress dipped behind her, warmth returning to the night.

Back to back with the person the damn thing was addressed to, Ymir wondered how much of this was a mistake. It wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t magically make her the one who wrote the words down.

But she’d known what she was getting into, fixing that arrangement with Reiner. She knew she’d be forgetting everything, even the person she was writing to, and she’d gone for it anyway. In her last days, she’d gone ahead and decided that this mattered.

Some part of her besides her heart had felt worth preserving and handing over to this girl. She’d wanted it to survive even if nothing else did. The last piece of thought from someone who’d understood being wildly in love, and being loved back.

It was hard not to be curious.

She started reading.

“I don’t know how much people have told you,” Historia said, voice following along with the only written record of the life Ymir had given up. “My name was Krista when we first met.”

But one day, a man showed up and gave me a name.

“My father gave it to me to keep me from dying.”

All I had to do was take it, and then I was given a fine bed and fed meals.

“I thought it was the chance to be someone else. Someone better than who I was. The illegitimate child that everyone hated. Someone the world would be better off without.”

Those adults who, until then, acted like I was invisible all got on their knees and revered me.

“Krista was what I came up with. Someone everyone would love, who could make people feel better instead of worse. Who could be a hero instead of a disappointment.”

All I had to do to make everyone delighted and happy was play the role I had been given.

“You were the only one who saw Historia through her.”

I thought if that’s what would save them...

“You told me to live my life with pride, under my own name.”

I opened my eyes again, and spread before me was freedom.

“After you left, I didn’t know how to do that. I didn’t know if I could. ...But I wanted to.”

From there, I began to walk, and I lived the way I wanted.

“Not for you or anyone else. For myself.”

I have no regrets.

Or so I’d like to say.

Ymir rubbed her thumb over the final message she’d left. The letters were streaky. Someone had spent a long time crying over them to blur the ink that much.

“Then you came back.”

She looked over at the nightstand drawer Historia had pulled the letter from. Against her back, Historia had relaxed enough to rest the back of her head on Ymir’s shoulder. Her breathing was calm and regular.

Ymir looked down at the letter. All the words her hands had written down. Her memoir of a thing no one else alive knew about. Because letting bad memories stay dead was for chumps, and people who liked sleeping through the night once in a while.

She glanced over her shoulder. At Historia.

Who, going by the state of the letter in Ymir’s hands, had the most depressing nighttime ritual in existence.

Because for some reason, she’d agreed with the person who wrote it. That it mattered. That chasing the same dream meant something, even if they never got there.

The air Ymir dragged into her lungs rattled.

“We’re alike,” she said.

Historia nodded. The brief loss of the weight on her shoulder made Ymir want to spin around and hold her and never let go. She didn’t.

“You ever think that you should have fallen in love with someone else?”

The insecurity rang more honest than either of them needed, but it wasn’t like she could take it back. She felt Historia’s sigh even though she couldn’t hear it, and braced for the obvious answer.

“...No.”

She managed not to jerk around in shock. Vulnerability came easier when she didn’t have to look at the person causing it. Not that her body language or tone were doing her any favors, but that last step was one too many. She laughed shakily.

“Not much of an imagination, huh?”

Historia shrugged. “Once you were in my heart... that was it,” she said, quietly. Her hand slipped over Ymir’s. “I didn’t even know I was in love. Or what it was at all. There was just you. You’re obnoxious and reckless and a complete idiot, but... you’re the one I’d do anything to be with.”

The hush held them for a moment before she spoke again.

“That’s never changing. I never want it to.”

Ymir closed her eyes. Historia’s fingers laced through hers, thumb circling the back of her hand in soothing circles. “Even if I never remember how it started?”

“As long as you’re here to see how it finishes.”

Knocking their heads together came gently this time. Historia’s barely moved. Her hand was starting to still. “If you mean all those nevers,” Ymir said, “it won’t.”

Historia hummed wordlessly. “That’s okay too.”

Ymir had nothing to say to that.

She squeezed Historia’s hand.

Historia, halfway back to sleep, squeezed back.