#also this isnt what im talking abt here but it reminds me of people who acknowledge that theyre ignoring canon by believing that kusuke is-

[oceanwithouthermoon]

so why are we using headcanons to prove that other peoples interpretations of canon are problematic or wrong im so dead

[maukiki1-but-cringefail]

YGESSSSS. NEW BSB ENJOYER FOUND. who is your favorite character if i may ask... i have like atleast 5 but kai is at the top i think. sometimes i think about this image and i'm like "my god what the fuck even is that". one of the guys of all time

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT” LMFAOOO no because thats exactly what my friend said when they saw yuriy KEDBJSBSGWJW. What is. Wrong with his eyebrows....looking like a creature…a bug with antannae perhaps….

BUT MY FAVORITE IS MAX‼️‼️‼️hes been my fav ever since i started watching it love him… my second favorite is kai probably though LOL. I can tell hes one of those fan favorite characters right🤔usually characters like him are… not a bad thing just an observation lol. Metal fight beyblade was the beyblade show i had known my entire life and was a big fan of so i wanted to see the other beyblade shows with it and for some reason i watched beyblade burst before bakuten shoot ????? Yeah that 7 season show i only liked the very first season of… the rest was so boring and for some reason i forced myself to watch it by using it as background noise😭

idk why i didnt give up and watch bakuten instead, took me too long lmfao. Th reason why i mentioned metal fight is that since i knew that show my entire life i had certain expectations on certain type of characters (ik bakuten came first but metal couldve been influenced by it and it was bcs there are similarities lol) (i mean king [from bakuten] looks almost identical to dynamis [from mfb] <- thats just one example) so i thought, while i was watching season 1, Kai Hiwatari was gonna be like Kyouya Tategami where hes with the team yes but doesnt see himself as a part of it and is there for himself only bcs hes a loner or whatever but then that thing at the end of the season happened he became a part of the team and the didnt have random unnecessary off screen character regression like kyouya did in the next 2 seasons (and also isnt an asshole abt it like when he left temporarily to battle takao in g revulotion he wasnt like “fuck you dumbass” like kyouya did basically 😭😭)….

That was so refreshing to see bcs thats not what i was expecting and thank god it exceeded my expectations 😭 thats why i keep saying kai is kyouya done right bcs he kinda is…. Though i find it funny when hes just standing in the background w his arms crossed or laying on the grass like damn bro wants to be cool so bad (not as cool as the frame of rei kon absolutely BALLING)

Said max is my favorite and talked about kai the entire time LOL no but he’s my fav i love that guy EXCEPT. the fact that. He likes mayonnaise… idgaf if its ur style mayonnaise is disgusting im disappointed in you max…..

I also like Yuriy who also seems to be a fan favorite from what ive seen which i expected but i like him in a way like, hes so funny to me. Bro walkin around with bug antannae and the worst posture youve ever seen. Why is he built like that. Fucking thing. Also big fan of the weird ass sht he does in g revulotion when doing special moves hes got CLAWS hell yeah. No bcs no one elses looks like dat when they do it⬇️ as a certified creature fan i can proudly confirm this, indeed, is one of the creature moments of all time.

⬆️i remember seeing this frame before watching the show and thinking what could possibly be the context behind this LMFAO . Shoutout to Rei kon for also being a creature big fan of the pointy ears and slit orange eyes (v force when i catch you v force)

I dont know peoples opinions of daichi but he seems like the type of character ppl might hate for being annoying but i like him bcs he reminds me of me and my brother when we were little (im the younger sibling) bcs every interaction between takao and daichi reminded me of us LMFAO 10/10 sibling dynamic (better than takaos actual brotha😬)

N lemme see if i have any kai screenies i took cauze i took a sht tonna screenshots

I was gonna capriin thwm but idk how to write inbetween them so im typing them here

First pic - already has a caption

Second pic - ths shit makes me laugh everytime im so glad people are not hesitant to resort to violence in this saga

Third pic - V force jumpscare

Fourth pic - what is he listening to . Do you guys think Kai Hiwatari would like Yuno Miles

Fifth pic - one…..one piece…..

Sixth pic - they forgot to colour teh pack of his hair lol

Seventh pic - no need for a caption. What is that

Last pic - he. Smirks like an animal. Idk how to explain it but, he smiles like how an animal or an ailen trying to do it for the first time would do it

I will read the manga soon i have physical copies of the first 4 volumes and ill find the rest on the net bcs bakuten media is so much easier to find that mfb is THANK GOD. I will also be looking up shitty 13 yr old amv s and yall better have sum real 2011 sht

[intertexts]

OKAY. HI HI HI HI HI. THOUGHTS ON NHW MAL POWERS

i am going 2 leave the actual classification up to you because i dont have the innate sense of them yet like i do for classpects and such and i know im banned from the wiki rn so ill just talk about. base level What I Think He Can Do.

FIRST OF ALL. THE BIG THING. GHOUL. so. technically if i remember correctly. mal isnt a planeswalker like william is so ghoul is technically a separate being? ghoul is his guide, which is what allows him to go between the real world and the spirit world. HOWEVER. ghoul is nothing to me so in nhw world i think he should just be like. a separate form. mal turns into ghoul and its the same consciousness u know? hes the same guy hes just a freak now. worm comparison i am thinking is like. what rachel does to her dogs except hes doing it to himself. with the gross muscles and bones and big mouth and shit.

OTHER THAN THAT i thinkkkkkk. ok. hear me out. i am going 2 base this on a tweet bizly made forever ago (that im SO MAD i cant find a picture of rn) but the basics was like. u remember that nightmare dakota had back in season 1 where he saw william and vyncent kill summer . that was a nightmare that mal gave him in order to split the three of them up. SO WHAT IF. nhw mal has some sort of dream/mind manipulation abilities or something. hes had so many moments where he just like. appears out of the shadows in order to get them to do what he wants im just imagining the horror of that from an outside perspective just seeing one of the heroes mid battle just Fall Asleep for a while. but to them its like nothing happens and they dont realize it until he leaves and theyre waking up. do you see my vision here.

either that or i think his powers should be like. kind of countered to wibby? i know in pd his powers are similar to williams bc hes a ghost and everything but. im thinking we dont do that in nhw. INSTEAD. maybe in ghoul form or whatever he has heightened senses/abilities that allow him to see through things like invisibility and touch things that are intangible. (thinking abt this strategy-wise, it would be their goal to take him down as mal BEFORE he transforms bc then he becomes almost impossible for william to fight) . maybe this seems too targeted against william specifically but im jsut thinking like. ghoul in general just makes him more powerful and those are just a couple specific advantages he gets? uh oh im running out of words in my brain help

MAYBE THIS IS. TOO MUCH IN TOO MANY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. so he doesnt have to have all of these at once. i am really just throwing spaghetti noodles at your inbox and seeing what sticks to the wall or whatever the phrase is. hi it took me like an hour to type all of this bc i kept getting distracted and forgetting words!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAHHHH YAYUAYAY THIS IS ALL GOOD SPAGHETTI!!!!!!! too much in too many directions is so fun dude i fucking love being the rubber ducky for shit like this!!

i REALLY ENJOY fucked up body horror changer shit... ough. (thats what him physically changing like rachels dogs would b, as opposed 2 breakers who-- oh god it's too late for this. umm. physical change different than energy form etc.)... he should get 2 be a weird terrifying freak thing. with bone & blood n stuff. & there's precedent for changing in a way that alters ur senses & powers etc..... maybe he choose what and how he transforms to respond in a certain way or target a certain scenario. i dont wanna go fishing rn but remind me tmrw n i'll rb this with some screenshots from ward of the guy im thinking of who this reminds me of!!

that being said the idea of him having big mind manipulation stuff is also SO compelling. god. being able to like... create illusions & scenarios that are completely fake. delude people or put them to sleep or mess with their cognition in ways they dont even notice... alter perception of reality.... especially if he has a wide range of effect?? that goes hard!!! how long would it last... how would u snap out of it... could he make u feel stuff that's not real??? ok ok ok getting off track. anyway. i love the idea of a fight with him being timed because he's transforming.... maybe a form that's just. very good at Seeing Things? mal/ghouls original job was like, as a cleaner for clarence, right? making sure everything in the afterlife's in order? so many choices...

[notyouraryang0dd3ss]

Thank you for creating this account, you are so brave.

Prefacing: I used to tolerate TS and her music when I was a teen and couldn't really avoid it. Now I'm 25 and I find her abhorrent as a human being.

(I'm not American and where I am from TS was never a Big Hit, unless we're talking 14 year old girls that eventually grow out of liking her. It's not entirely for a good reason, my country's a bit too conservative-brainwashed to like a self-proclained "girl boss" on a gov. level.)

Something that I noticed about that cult-like worship of that frankly boring woman is that most of the interesting shit about her is 1. made up 2. not about her music and I DO NOT understand how this is even considered a singer anymore.

Like, for example. A bunch of liberal queers like her because they take her bland music and fill it with their own meanings. Her lyrics are so soulless and boring and generic you can apply them to anything. You don't have to go listen to staples of quuer music like what drag queens, or queer women, or Black gay men create: because their music is visceral, it speaks onto real lived through opression that not everyone can relate to. But not with fucking TS! She writes the most TYPICAL line and a bunch of people assign some secret gay meaning to it. The amount of times I saw TS added to playlists for queer content is ridiculous. Like she wouldn't be half as popular if her music was regarded as what it is: straight white girl soliloquy.

The shit about her love life? Should not be fucking mentioned in regards to her as an artist. She's SO fucking fake. She will complain that people only see her as some girl who dates all those guys but she's the one fucking monetizing her love story. I'd understand if she didnt TRY TO but she fucking does! She knows she's bland and boring and she relies on people liking gossip enough to listen to her crap.

ok quick note when you said “liberal queers” it should be “queer liberals”. im assuming english isnt your first language so your native tongue has different grammatical rules but in this instance you put “queer” in front of “liberal.” i just don’t want you to be accused of being homophobic or anything so this is a quick note for you

you said you were 25 and everyone who’s been following this blog has been 20+ demographic in particular. i think it must be because we’re old enough to remember her entire journey starting w the 2009 kanye west mtv incident up until this moment. her staunchest swifties on here were born after the fearless release 💀

hmmmm i always wonder what people imply by Taylor Swift being a global superstar. like she’s isn’t popular in the entire continent of Africa but that doesn’t count apparently? and as much as she is popular in south asia, so much news is framed with a western perspective and all westerners think whiteness is default, and this includes taylor swift. i wouldnt be surprised if theyre inflating her popularity abroad as they are here in the states. idk

and so true! she’s known for her controversies and dating drama. even her music is known not for its success but ppl questioning the legitimacy of her grammys she’s received for her music.

also your gaylor hate—i understand. im not straight and i think gaylors were lobotomized by taylor swift’s music like genuinely these bitches have bricks for brains. there are soooooooo many better queer musicians especially musicians of color who write songs of their literal shared experience of queer love, identity, etc. but here they go theorizing that taylor seift and karlie kloss secretly dated 😭 it reminds me of this convo i had with my friend about gay people admiring/looking up to straight and cis people and labelling them as “gay icons.” its so stupid and reductive and continues to marginalize actual queer artists.

also talking abt taylor swift playlists i will never forget when i found spotify’s bad bunny x taylor swift playlist inspired by their photo from the 2023 grammys 💀 it was so dumb

“straight white girl soliloquy” PERIOD ANON! i need to start making a list of what you guys say cause its fkn fire

taylor swift embedded her relationships so deeply into her brand and music that its inseparable from herself. she really does define herself by her partners and her fans do too, which is why they expected this to be a joe alwyn album.

she really is so unoriginal and unremarkable and that’s why her thing WORKS. because to swifties she’s like “another everyday girl like you and me :)” 🙄 whatever. yuck!

[terraliensvent]

im NOT defending either of the old owners but smth an anon said really rubbed me the wrong way. $300 adopts will not go as far as ppl act. It wont pay rent, and may only cover groceries for a short time. In america at least, the cost of healthcare is awful, and pair that with all other living expenses u have and its near impossible to make a living off adopts. saying “i wish u were poor so u understood hardship” is really fucked up cuz u dont know their situation or what theyve been thru. they built their own followings over the years so acting like their buyers were handed to them is also rlly weird. getting another job also aint easy in this market esp if u have a legit disability. mod pls try to atleast see where im coming from w this cuz im legit uncomfortable w how this is being talked abt. u dont have to like them to agree this is fucked up to say

post related

these are fair assessments to make (also light reminder that the opinions of anons posted here may not directly align with mine)

however, my main point of contention especially regarding civ is not “wow they must be rolling in cash from all this furry money” because obviously i know art is an unstable career (off topic fun fact thats why i had to quit my dream of becoming a storyboarder and got a more stable career)

my point regarding civ is that: many people in their comments of the bulletin are acting like civ is the ONLY person struggling. for example theres a comment calling terra mods “ableist” for even daring to restrict the amount of adopts civ makes (because again, they had to restrict the amount of adopts STAFF makes. is it fair for civ and coy to get a disproportionate amount of opportunities to profit off of terraliens, when they have both left staff and do no work on maintenance, moderating, upkeep, and progression?), the “ableist” comment acts under the assumption that civ is the only disabled, struggling artist connected to terras. it doesnt take into account that many of the staff team are also autistic/disabled, cal in particular even said how much stress he is under at the moment because of irl and species responsibilities.

and then we add on to this the fact that, from a “struggling toyhouse artist” standpoint, civ is incredibly privileged, at least probably more privileged than some/most of the staff team. civ can usually if not always rely on the fact that their adopts or commissions will sell. they can rely on the fact that they have a large fanbase, and that their friends have large fanbases. they can rely on the fact that theyre viewed favorably in other cs spaces like chams and isopups. this isnt a matter of “theyre rolling in it,” its a matter of “hey why are we acting like civ isnt still at an advantage when it comes to selling art, why are we acting like terra mods are just punching down on them when many are in the same, if not worse circumstances?” civ has the ability to sell oneoffs very reliably, and no shade to the mods or anything, but there are members of staff who were pretty unknown before terras, do you think they could leave and still be able to rely on selling one-off adopts?

THAT is what i really mean in regards to this argument, sorry i should have elaborated more before but i had a pretty heavy influx of asks coming in

[circular-bircular]

Mmm. I caught a few free minutes today to sit down and respond, so let's unleash this one, shall we?

Below the cut is an ENORMOUS ask, and a (incredibly long, as much as I may try otherside) response. It's about the recent "censorship" (???) drama.

TL;DR: Everyone is allowed to be angry in life, and policing that is kind of outrageously infuriating, especially in spaces where people struggle with things like emotional regulation! I'm allowed to be upset and express that upset, just as much as anyone else. Me expressing frustrations isn't "demonizing" people or attacking them, and I'm sorry if it comes across that way. If you feel I'm attacking you by posting on my own blog how I'm upset about something, or feel I'm attacking you by reblogging posts on tumblr to dissect ableism in articles you yourself posted... Figure out that feeling, or block me? Good lord.

I am not posting anything more about this topic. Please don't send asks about it, or I will simply be deleting them.

Okay. For context, these two asks (combined below) came in about 3 days ago. I was wondering if I should post them in a different format to slim them down, but genuinely, I think I want to present this as I received it. Here it is (with your system name censored, anon -- I recognize your concerns about harassment):

abt frameaclouds post :: politely + trying to come to the table not to argue but to point this out I dont think you can blame a blogger for seeing people reblogging their post from you legit screaming "how dare you" or "fuck you" at them and them then assuming that it's probs best to just block and keep back from that whole group of folks. I liked some of your additions and thought they were interesting as one of frameaclouds followers.... but the way you and others focused almost entirely on nitpicking LB Lee's stuff and some ways things were phrased (ex. - like point 3; all frameacloud said was that DID does not require trauma. you then... agreed and shouted at them?), and the way a lot of you jumped to calling it censorship and silencing when frameacloud refused to engage afterwards, really kind of makes it look like you're interpreting their post and actions in the worst light possible. it makes it seem like you're coming from a place of bad faith. you mentioned some cool perspective in your reblog, where you talked about how it came off to someone who had your specific background and knowledge and what u found the issues to be, but you haven't done the reverse: you haven't considered how your reblog was going to come across to an otherkin whose been around for a really long time and who is probably used to dealing with tons and tons of trolls who are going to take what they say in the least generous way possible, twist their words, + use it to belittle and harass them. like this is an otherkin who's been around since the grilling times and usenet days. and a bunch of people who seem to be in ur circles citing back to the post and kind of beating their chests about it even tho frameacloud is making a point not to fight or argue about it and to just block and move on...and u urself described ur response as a 'rant' which has a pretty diff connotation than 'discussion' or 'criticism'...well its likely to just project that kind of image further, that ur just here to flame war, even if thats not what ur doing or how u want to come across. ik that's how it came across to me and even after seeing some of ur past posts on ur blog that i really liked im still a little skeptical that this ask isnt gonna be either trashed mocked or taken out of context by u or someone who follows u. and also i want to remind people that like......... u r not owed access to anyone on socmed. frameacloud and any other blogger is allowed to block anyone for any reason. and its unhealthy to say that ur owed other ppls blogs and posts to platform on. respect other ppls boundaries without villainizing them cuz otherwise ur just opening up a can of worms to lie in. and ik u said in a later post that theyre well within their rights to block u but u also reblogged a post before that calling it censorship. so like... this is what i mean about coming off as disengenuous and troll-y, stuff like this is why even if i liked some of ur reblog i wont rb it. if i rb it and end up deleting it later am i gonna be told by others that im 'censoring' u? if i make a mistake and say something wrong in a tag am i gonna get jumped with a 5k word essay from four different ppl telling me how much i suck? its a hypothetical but only sorta with whats been happening on ur blog and elsewhere in this discussion. its bad form and its not super fair to frameacloud who still hasnt done legit anything yet but block ppl and i really cant say enough how much i dont blame them with some of whats been said n what sort of conclusions ppl r jumping to abt them. (also now that im thinking of the context if u did come across as bad faith engagement to frameacloud then they probably didnt respond to ur ask because it screamed BAIT to them cuz ik in their shoes id think the same. i mean their blog 99% runs on queue...the last post they reblogged that wasnt on their queue was ONE post on the 11th from their boyfriend and be4 that ONE on the 9th...all while u have someone gossiping in a prev ask that they 'often do this'. i can see frameaclouds POV)

like i swear im not trying to start a fight but can u see how this comes off. claiming u want a discussion and then thanking someone who is calling blocking censorship, saying that theyre in their rights to block but then posting an ask that says this blog that makes maybe like two or three original posts a month "does this often", the original aggro all over the reblogs that stem from ur first reblog in the reblog chart... like frameacloud is the one who blocked first but u have to srsly consider why they did + why they refuse to engage at all + what it looks like to ppl outside of the type of syscourse ur used to, like them and like me. if u want ppl to listen, then this isnt a good way to promote the kind of discussions u say u want. it just drives ppl away and maybe it feels temporarly vindicating but its not helpful. i want to see the things ur talking abt talked abt more but if its always going to be like that and theres no way for it to be less like trekking thru a field of mines where someone might blow up at u for something u dnt even realize is wrong at the time then i dunno

...

So, first off, I apologize profusely to everyone for how long-winded I am. I write a LOT, a habit I have always, always tried to break, and I now realize just how much it is to see thousands of words in response to things. This is nearly 1k of words I woke up to right before leaving for my vacation. Talk about wild to read right after waking up. (I also apologize because what follows is similarly so long winded and I cannot figure out how to not do this).

I attempted to write up my response. Took a full day and a half, writing and writing and writing. And here's the thing, I wrote around 3k words trying to explain my perspective, trying to acknowledge what I agreed and disagreed with from your asks, from your perspective, and just...

Dude, I am so fucking done with this shit. Not your asks in particular, but with syscourse in general.

This ask presents me with a damned if I do, damned if I don't scenario. I could leave it to rot in my inbox, but then I'm a hypocrite for not engaging with discussions about things, which is what I say I want people to do. I could finish writing up my 3k+ word response, but then my words are going to be twisted as they always are because I'm long winded and I am just trying my best to (probably over)explain myself.

Or... I can just. Explain as briefly as possible here what I'm feeling, thinking, and doing.

So... Here goes my best shot.

One:

First and foremost, I could care less at this point about frameacloud. Good fucking lord, I have tried to keep their username in my head through all of this, but it's genuinely so hard and I just end up scrolling up. I have never interacted with this user before this, and I clearly won't be again. My beef is not with them. I could care less about this user or their business; they are a tumblr user who exists. Wow!

My upset was about how the conversation was cut off. That's all. That's it. Wow, it sucks how all conversations are cut off when people block others for any reason. I hate how long MY blocklist is, strictly for my mental health. I hate how many people I have to block to keep myself healthy, because it cuts off communication. Is it... condemning myself to saying, "It's a shame that they cut off communication like that" when I've blocked plenty of very vocal syscoursers?

No. As I've said numerous times through all this, people should be able to block whoever they want. Even if I talk about how upsetting that may be, I mean absolutely no ill will to the person who literally should not know I'm talking about how upset I am, because said person has me blocked.

Two:

I don't care why they blocked me. Maybe they personally hate me, maybe they heard about me from who-is-page or whoever (I know I've bumped heads with them in the past once or twice before), maybe they thought I was a troll, maybe they thought I was overly angry, whatever-

That literally means nothing to me other than " :( Fucking goddamn it, that means my response will be hidden."

What I am upset about isn't that they blocked me; I'm upset that the conversation was cut short and hidden in all aspects. By that I mean, I don't care I was blocked and hidden; I care that every single user who reblogged either me or SAS's reply was also hidden. Like. Every single tag was. I don't know if that's tumblr's doing, or OPs doing, or what have you, but again -- it doesn't matter.

All I'm saying is "damn, buddy, that sucks."

Three:

They didn't respond to my ask, and I mentioned that in my follow up post to show I tried to reach out genuinely. I didn't want people to think I was posting this without trying to reach out originally. That was all. It was once again me complaining that the conversation was completely cut off, regardless of the reason why it was cut off.

And here's where I'll address the elephant that I see, or at least the first one.

I'm allowed to be however angry I want on my blog, on my posts, and in my life. I'm allowed to shout, curse, and be pissed off. And no, they don't need to engage with it, and no, I don't need to be happy about that fact.

This is a tumblr blog, sir.

I'm not a medical professional or a debater on a stage in front of a podium. I'm a 26 year old trauma survivor who got upset about a fucking severely ableist post. I think I should be allowed to be a bit pissy about it.

Being told so frequently recently that I need to "be nice to convince people" is such whiplash, because less than a year ago, I was that person. I was the person telling everyone to let go of their anger, to be nice to convince the other side, that everyone needs to be polite. I did this so much that I literally was known as the Respectability Politics Syscourser. That was a legitimate label I used. I was told so often that I was a filthy centrist and that I was worse than homophobic bigots because I was trying to get everyone to just be nice to each other. I got fucking harassed for simply posting "Everyone should respect each other" to the syscourse tags.

Is that healthy?

A topic I discuss most frequently with my therapist at the moment is reclaiming anger. I struggle severely with loyalty and fawning, convinced that if I show any negative emotion whatsoever, I'll be hurt and shoved aside and abandoned by those I love. (Ouch). Here's just a few things I've learned in the past year or so:

Anger is the part of you that knows you deserve better.

Anger is a form of self-love.

Anger is a secondary emotion; what emotion lies under it? (This is the one I struggle with the most)

In... Fall of last year (the exact month escapes me), I ended up blowing up due to how long I had kept myself censored and kept myself "polite" for others. Due to how much anger I'd shoved aside and kept under wraps for the benefit of others. Because being angry would "reflect badly" on me and my friends; because it would make what I had to share less accessible to others.

... I'm done with doing that. Therapist's literal orders. In fact, if my therapist had his way, I would not have a system blog, be part of any system servers, or talk to anyone online who has DID, because the fact fucking is, none of you are safe to talk to. It will always be a triggering space. (Thankfully, my therapist also acknowledges that he is a singlet, doesn't know my brain, and that I am my own person who can make my own choices).

If OP of the post decided to make a big huge post blowing up in anger and frustration at how horrible I am, good for them. If you block me out of anger, good for you! I do not care, because I will be happy you are doing what is best for you. I am happy OP did what's best for them.

And equally, upset that a convo about ableism was hidden.

That brings me to:

Four:

Out of all the shit said and reblogged through that little single blip on the syscourse radar (I think around 10 posts out of 20 in that single 24 hours), I do regret posting that ask about OP "doing this often". That one is on me, and tbh, I'm gonna delete it. It was drama, and I do try to avoid that. I hardly added anything to it, and while I know my perspective on why I posted it, I also acknowledge that it'll do literally jack shit to explain why. So I'm just gonna delete it and move on.

But in everything else, I was only lamenting the fact that every response was hidden beyond those agreeing with OP.

I thanked Candlelight (the first user to call it censorship from what I can see) for stating that the responses were all hidden, but moreover, for mentioning that they didn't agree with everything I said. I spoke on that post primarily driven by anger at Lee's ableism. I KNOW it was not a perfect post. That's because I'm not a Perfect Debater(TM).

All I wanted was A DISCUSSION ABOUT ABLEISM!

(Note: This is commonly seen as yelling; for me, via text, I see this as EXTREME EMPHASIS. Sorry it apparently comes across as yelling! I see it as yelling a bit in my mind, but I can see how the TONE is lost in those cases. Right now, my tone is exhausted frustration, but I see no need to ACTUALLY raise my voice at you.)

I think that's the thing that's pissed me off the most. Everyone and their brother wants to either agree or disagree with me about censorship. I have my own thoughts on censorship (it's basically always bad, but there's nuance on all things, is exclusion censorship, etc etc) but those are not relevant because nobody has even fucking addressed the ableism.

The articles -- linked by OP, but who gives a shit at this point -- came off as ableist. I reblogged OP's post because they are the ones who posted the ableist articles to the DID tags. That is how tumblr is used, is it not? And yes, I expressed my anger... at the articles... on the post that had the articles...

And OP hid those critiques for their own reasons... and I lamented that they were hidden... so I made a post about it while explaining the context ('Hey if you're wondering why I'm making this big huge long post AGAIN, OP blocked my response and everyone elses, and yes I have tried to resolve it, but this one's plan B for getting the word out that these articles and ideas are really harmful online')

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. You see why this is so hard to keep short, right? I surely hope so. There's a LOT to tackle here, and a lot of emotions, and a lot of different topics/nuances.

FIVE: RAPID FIRE ROUND (With Review!)

I don't care about otherkin spaces or know shit about them. They're triggering for me. Bluh.

I don't blame OP for blocking me.

I don't hate you or want to attack you for this ask, sorry you feel that way.

If someone deletes a reblog, I just assume they made a mistake reblogging it? Do people attack others for this shit?

I nitpicked Lee's response because Lee's response was the most ableist shit I've seen in a bit, and I did that on OP's post because they're the one who posted it.

I didn't agree that DID does not always need trauma? I explicitly said it is always trauma based? I'm so confused about that point.

Is "Ranting" seen as trolling now? I use "rant" to mean "Shit, I went on for a LONG time." It's synonymous with ramble for me.

I don't know how to break it to everyone, but posting online means it is inherently unsafe, and someone may attack you or blow up at you. It's the world wide web. It sucks. (That doesn't mean it's deserved or that I endorse that behavior; it's just... life).

Ugh.

At the end of the day, I just want to be able to have my fucking disorder and scroll tags about my disorder without seeing:

It doesn't need trauma to form

Traumagenic systems are 'obsessed with suffering'

Endogenic systems are 'healthy' forms of plurality (As opposed to DID)

Yknow. Syscourse in general.

And similar shit.

Is that too much to ask??

Anon; I know this doesn't address all of your points. I KNOW I haven't gone point by point like I wanted to. My original draft did that, but I only got halfway before hitting 3k words, and you seemed... really adverse to a long ra- ramble, not rant. Sorry? Ugh.

Just take this, and I hope this topic doesn't come back to me, because I'm kinda done with it entirely at this rate.

[moodr1ng]

a funny thing ive been thinking abt recently is.. as a crazyperson dealing with delusions, the one thing that best lets me manage them is not "convince myself that its not real" (i cant actually just turn off my psychosis :/) but saying "it IS real, this IS true, but only in my reality".

like, idk whether or not "objective reality" is a real thing and im sooo not interested in finding out, but i do know there is a... communal reality? one which is based on things which are observable to anyone, and which impact and are impacted by multiple people. so if thats our basis, the communal reality, then one might consider the idea of an individual reality; one where a person may observe, be impacted by, and impact things which are inobservable to anyone else, and which no one else can interact with directly. the observability and impact of what is being perceived by the person is undeniable to them, but it is very much deniable by anyone else, because its not true in the communal reality.

the crucial part of this, to me, is that if i use this framework, the only course of action that makes sense is to determine that i should avoid doing anything that would negatively impact people, things, or myself in the communal reality based on anything i observe solely in my individual reality. those things are not in the communal reality, so i have like, a sort of moral and also just rational duty to consider them fully irrelevant to the communal reality and to act accordingly.

like, ok, sometimes i become very aware (more than usual) that theres a woman on my balcony at night, and shes looking through my bedroom window and trying to get in, and some nights im so afraid of her that i lock my bedroom door and close the metal blinds all the way and sleep with the lights on. the woman on the balcony is very real... in my individual reality. but thats kind of the reality im in! so shes very real to me!

but, i know, shes not real to anyone else. so i shouldnt do dumb shit based on her being there. i know she cant impact the communal reality (my roommate isnt in danger, etc), so... its kinda fine that shes here?

she is scary and she does want to hurt me and im scared of her and i hate her and wish she would leave. and some nights i need to do my lil 'lockdown procedures' to get away from her, and it fucking sucks, and thats a very real shitty experience.

but, well, once i am able to recognize that shes not real to other people, then she can just be something i observe. i recognize that her reach is limited; that she cant hurt me or anyone else in any meaningful way; eventually, on most days she becomes background noise. eventually, me and them, in our pocket reality no one else experiences, i start to accept them a bit. if the lady could hurt me she would have by now - and i do think the lady on the balcony is also the 'witch behind the curtains' from my childhood, so.. she's had plenty of time.

she cant really hurt me. shes just trying to spook me. shes like these actors in walk-through haunted houses who are behind cages or fences - grabbing towards the audience, putting on a big show of how scary they are.. ultimately, theyre actors in a cage, still. the woman on the balcony is like that. scaring me is the only thing she actually can do; there is no true threat, because the cage of common reality will always hold her at arms length. and sure, shes really, really good at scaring me. and i really dont like it! but i can go through it and remind myself that its all an act. a haunted house tour i didnt sign up for, sure, but none of the actors are allowed to touch me. they cant affect the common reality.

like thats been p dope? im never gonna manage to believe that its "just not real". but i can manage "its real for me and nobody else". and that makes it bearable.

i talk to the man on the ceiling now, sometimes. when i leave my room in the dark i dont turn on the light - and i have always turned on the lights! - and i talk to him. i know hes there. and for years i checked the ceiling at night, compulsively, to make sure he wasnt there. he doesnt want me to see him, right, so i had to keep checking because that way he had to remain hidden and couldnt get close to me.

now i go sit in a completely dark, closed room and i say "hey man, hows it going up there", and hes there on the ceiling, of course, but i dont check now, to be polite (if hes that committed to hiding then clearly its nicer to not look for him!). i tell him about my day a bit. he doesnt respond, obviously, but also id really hate it if he did, so its all good with me. i picture his weird, blank head hanging down from the ceiling, his featureless face hovering just above me, watching me while im blinded by the darkness.

and those are the thoughts ive tried very, very hard to avoid having for so many years! i got into a habit of ig.. very intensely thinking the lyrics of a song while going through my apartment at night, doing the choreographed circuit of turning the lights off and on to make sure i was never in the dark, because if i let my thoughts slip for just a second id think about the ceiling man right behind me, and thatd freak me out.

just sitting there in the complete darkness, knowing hes so close, listening to me talk to him? not so long ago i wouldve had a panic attack about it. but its ok. because the ceiling man cant hurt me, either. and probably isnt even trying to.

i thought about it more, and i realized that while i know the woman is trying to hurt me - shes purposeful about scaring me - the ceiling man has never really been antagonistic. he follows me around, but moreso in the way an animal would follow some strange smaller animal out of curiosity. hes not really trying to do anything to me. hes just here. thats not his fault. hes stuck with me too! so, im chill with him now i guess.

like, seriously.. just saying "the paranoia entities are real actually, but just for me" has actually really really really helped. i wish i hadnt spent all this time thinking and being told that getting better meant no longer having delusions. like, sure, thatd be great!!!! but i cant just turn them off. and theres no treatment that can just 100% make psychosis go away. so, most likely, im still gonna have delusions, and, most likely, i will for the rest of my life, and possibly itll worsen with age. its not realistic to just think "the only real option here is to convince myself that my experiences are fake". what, like im smarter than my own brain? my brains not gonna let me think this isnt real. its making it up in the first place!! so yeah. whatever! it is real. so now i can focus on "whats the best course of action to take when i have (x) experience, while remembering that it cannot infringe upon other peoples reality?", and as it turns out theres a lot more i can do while working within the delusion. damn.

[mlynar-nearl]

heyup its anon back from that hell we call life and im just here to ask one very important question i have been stuck on for a while now: what is a good valentines day gift that isnt flowers (horrifyingly expensive) or chocolate (i just dont like them) ? answer however the hell you like man i ran out of people to ask

and yeaaaaah your reply to my prev ask totally reminded me why i dont care too much about the ak community actually its cos i dont wanna be in drama (unlike in genshin)

oh and get this, i was rushing lantern rite the other day (did it in 3 hours hehe) and using my nonexistent primos i won my 50/50 and got the big booba man like hell yeah now all i have left is kaveh (my beloved) and yes. maybe i will go back to genshin. if you play in asia i can drop my uid but im pretty sure ur a north america kinda person so like probs not

anyways didnt answer ur prev prev reply to one of my asks but like yeah they shlda made more people darker skinned in sumeru :/ kinda iffy that they aint ykyk like i live in southeast asia and my skins still darker than everyone in the cast lmao (okay maybe not everyone id say im on par w xinyan?) and it suuuuuuuucks but oh well mhy is just (insert thumbs down) anyways hope ur doing well lol u can throw in updates abt ur ocs too i havent had time to be on tumblr much lately thankiessssss

do NOT apologize lmao i love talking

imo, the best valentine's gift is one that's not too extravagant but a little personal. gift card to a store/place they like or somethin'. maybe i'm broke but i don't really do v-day even tho i'm in a relationship LMAO

i don't mind the ak community very much in terms of seeing cool gameplay and a lot of the few people who interpret lore and the few other fanfic authors in english floating out there that i've seen have been really cool and i do try to encourage other creators in the space. there are some exceptions as some things/tropes/opinions piss me off but i try to keep it posi.

i do play in NA on genshin and english global on ak :( but grats on the autism man, the superhero we needed AND wanted. my partner played genshin for a bit before i did and they sent me a picture of xinyan and went ash this looks like you. they aint fuckig wrong. colorism won today

as for ocs! i've been thinking about audie a normal amount* lately. i scribbled some stuff with him and encio and gnosis but lost it when my computer crashed :( there's some stuff i posted in my tag for him tho (which is "oc: audie") about them and their games of chess.

shealtiel DOES do this but he doesnt know why. me instigating a fight because the andoain is hot and i want him on me. also, i think that when he converses with andoain on the trail- because andoain knows he's being followed and just lets shealtiel do it and sometimes tries to chat with him, persuade him to stop being so furious- if andoain starts annoying him he turns off his hearing aids and leaves. turning off my hearing aids i don't want to hear you anymore. andoain has to live with knowing that shealtiel can put him on mute. shealtiel hopes it makes him fucking writhe.

[psykoz]

ok so some things that have happened at my job

- coworker said the r slur in front of me, a few others, and one of the front end managers. manager says nothing to stop it and in fact jusf laughs and agree w the overall statement (halloween costumes looked [r-slur]ed). this is significantly worse as not only am i (not openly at work for fear but pretty obviously) autistic, but the field we are working in is specifically with seniors with a specific type of mental and intellectual disability

- person who hired and trained me and is an assistant, also higher position not a manager technically but on the management team, learns i dont celebrate xmas thru an email i willingly send, totally fine. but days later, unprompted and unrelated, she str8 up asks why i dont celebrate and i feel the need to reveal some inkling of religious beliefs which i really do not want to do

- literally wont tell me half of the things i need to do/not do until after i fucked up anr get reprimanded. they never told me what the callout policy was, until after i recieved a write up for breaking it. they didnt tell me a security feature for someone had been updated, until i almost messed up SECURITY and a coworker had to tell me it had been changed. theres more but pointing out every time would get tedious and repetitive

- already blamed me once for having "too many missed calls" despite every one of those missed calls having been before my start time or after i am meant to clock out, some even having come past midnight or before 6am when im still hours away from even needing to be getting ready to clock in, outright admitting that it was more likely because their phone system isnt patching back to the after hour line, or after hours people are just not picking up the phone. and still called me in for a full 8 hour "training" shift where i spent well over 75% of the day sitting, not working OR training and thinking abt how much shit i needed to get done in my personal life and how wasteful this was, because of something out of MY control when im not even fucking clocked in.

- my bosses have all been on at least one vacation in the 3 months ive been here. despite being called, verbatim, "the last line of defense" and being in charge of peoples lives, having to potentially de escalate an angry senior if i tell them they arent allowed outside, and having to be around people that are dying at least one person every week or 2, i get no benefits and no chance to even accrue vacation or sick time. i would have never accepted a job with not benefits or sick or leave if they had explained to me the full scope of the stressors i have dealt with. i know for a fact my ptsd has gotten more severe after this job and i went thru a traumatic experience that i wont talk abt bc it was out of the hands of my job tbf, they couldnt have stopped it from happening, but i have still been exposed to multiple deaths and one event ive been unable to stop thinking about and fearing. they have never suggested grief counseling is available to any employee

- sometimes they put up fliers for mandatory meetings/trainings without sending any text/email about it. this sucks for so many reasons. i just may not see them, i have multiple disorders that give me memory issues so having a reminder on my phone would be helpful, qnd the worst of all: they have put up fliers on a day i wasnt working for a mandatory meeting, on a day i wasnt working, and i did not have another shift until 2 days AFTER the meeting that i didnt even know happened bc they didnt bother to let me know despite me being physically unable to see fliers if im NOT THERE.

[m4rkiza]

pile of headcanons

bunch of raihan/leon headcanon nonsense from my twit*r

theres alot under the cut, warning : its cheesy, also, i headcanon raihan calling leon "bubu"

Raihan is really good at baking and leon is great at cooking savory & spicy food, raihan likes spicy food and leon likes baked goods, they complete each other

Leon so thick and firm he'd be so good to hug and raihan took advantage of that, holding his bubu until leon complains or whine, yknow when ur pet looks so cute and u hug them, like that

leon contacts name on raihans phone is like "♥💖my bubu♥💕", but raihans contact name on leons phone is "Raihan" with capital R

raihan complained about it, showed leons contact name on his phone, leon is surprised bc he thought his contact name on raihans phone is just "Leon" or "Lee"

then leon changes rai's contact name too "🥰raihoney💖

leon doesnt look like the guy who'd be extra on hair and skin treatment, the reason his hair and skin (especially his hair) is unbearably soft and shiny is bc raihan kept reminding him to do so (and buying it)

sometimes leon act spoiled so raihan will do an entire haircare for him

yes raihan do it bc he loves leon unconditionally and he thinks leon deserves it

raihan has a dirty mouth and uses every swear word but for some reasons, around leon all he can say is "jerk" "ugly" and "dumb"

raihan does that bc all he remember when hes with leon is pet names and how-to-coo-and-woo-your-boyfriend

raihan being leons moral compass feels fitting, not bc leon is dumb but bc leon himself is swallowed by his own title and got the hero complex, making him selfless and have a hard time to say no

raihan is there to "what the fuck are you thinking, dont do that baby, you'll die"

but leon seems stubborn yes? he wont listen if people just say "no", he'd ask the reason why, and if the said person doesnt give a clear answer, he leaves but raihan always tries to explain him in full description, short & long lasting damage, consequence etc

so obviously leon listens, and as time goes by, raihan is.. his moral compass, in a way

raihan playfully growls while squeezing leons body parts but its definitely not so playful in leons mind

raihan always ask leon to wear his freshly-washed-hoodie at sunday so when he go to work at monday, his hoodie will smell like leon

raihans laugh is like "aha haha haha *low volume wheeze* phew heehee" and leon got a laugh that can trigger an earthquake

Raihan sneeze like a kitten while leon sneeze like a buldozer

Leon muffles his laugh by hugging raihan so it wont surprise anyone around them

leon demanding affection from raihan by giving him stupid empty threats

leon : Kiss me or ill

raihan : u will what

leon : i-i will shrink your hoodie and make it mine

raihan : no, now come here bubu

In reality, leon doesnt need to do "things" to get raihans attention, raihan told him he can just ask or "just sit on my lap or tug my shirt and ill cuddle and kiss you till the next day", but leons ego is too high for that so he does stupid shit instead

raihan is very loved by leons family bc surprisingly hes able to stop leon and hop from fighting

if u ask how, raihan simply pick up leon up and walk away

aihan is the only guy who leon will listen too and got called as the "champion tamer"

but all raihan do is just

raihan : bubu, no

leon : no..?

raihan : leon. no

leon : no...

then nag him softly while explaining the consequences, sometimes short and long term effect it depends on the situation

leon is stubborn, so it took sometime to convince him that his plan or an action he almost took to partake is very impulsive or doesnt give a good result

the thing is leon is not stupid, infact hes quite brilliant, therefore its hard to convince him if a person who tries to stop him doesnt have a similiar mind like he is, but thankfully theres raihan

for some reasons raihan is able to found leon in any occasion so the league staff ALWAYS calls him whenever leons gone

league staff : mr rai-

raihan : is it leon

league staff : yes

raihan : im on my way

leon likes to ask raihan for hairbands bc he kept losing them

raihan : bubu, isnt this your third time asking for them this week

leon : ....yes..?

raihan spoiling leon bc he feels he wants to make up for him, bc he wasnt available near leon when fought eternatus

leon follows raihan everywhere in the winter and kept pressing himself to him, whenever raihan question whats wrong leon just looked him in the eye and "im warming you up"

leon is small by raihans perspective but he hugs leon tight anyway

raihan is possessive of leon hes THAT hot, charismatic yet very adorable, leon is the one who keeps his chin up and soothe his fears, and hes the champion, everyone wants the champion, u think he'll let go that easily? no, never

and leon is probably possessive too, raihan is a hot nerd, affectionate and gentle, hes the one who push him to his best, the one who also stops him for doing too much, hes his source of comfort and he wont let go and wont let anyone take his raihan away from him for sure

10 years of friendship and healthy rivalry means 10 years of being on each others live, being one of the biggest contributor and supporter for the other, who pushes to the limit yet stopping when one is too close to the edge of the cliff

no matter if its platonic or romantic, they wont let anyone take their rival, friend and lover away that easy, you wont let anyone try to take away one of the important and huge part of your life

raihan big, so hes the big spoon, he loves cooing right at leons ears and kissing the back of his neck, shoulders and sometimes reaches forward to press a sloppy wet kiss to leons cheek

leon crying to raihan when he founds out raihan smokes when hes stressed out, and begging the other to stop and talk to him instead or cope with healthier way

raihan doesnt need an alarm clock to wake him up, leons just need to grin and say "good morning!" its so bright it WILL wake him up

raihan and leon lives together and since then the outfit leon has on his wardrobe is a collection of formal tailored outfits and his battle tower outift, some booty shorts and work out clothing, and obviously underwear and socks.the rest he just stole from raihan

especially t-shirts, hoodies, and jacket, raihan seeing him walking and opening his wardrobe after shower is such a common occurence that he doesnt even need to ask anymore

raihan looks like the type who carries lipbalm and hand cream in his hoodie pocket, he carries 2, 1 cocoa lipbalm for him and honey lipbalm for leon. whenever he met leon, he applies the lip balm on him, it becomes habit that leon even raise his chin up for raihan

leon can sleep alone fine, but when he woke up he felt groggy,but if he slept on top of raihan he'd woke up like he had a perfect 8 hours sleep even tho he slept for only 5 hours

raihan is a heavy sleeper but waking up with leon glued to his chest/back make his whole day better,especially when he woke up to leon peppering his face with kisses to wake him up

raihan being lowkey flustered and overwhelmed by leons beauty/cuteness/sexiness/everything while leon is being clingy and acting spoiled around him

leon cant be serious around raihan, when he saw the gym leader,he automatically let his guard down infront of him, changing from champion leon to leon from postwick, all giddy and happy

leon unzips his champion outfit and once raihan heard the zipping sound he zooms to leon to plant his face between leons chest

if leon wants attention from raihan he will do various things from holding his arm and press his head to raihans shoulders,sitting on his lap and loop his arm around raihans neck,hugging him from the front and put on a cute face

but if raihan wants attention he just, hug leon from behind,put his head on leons shoulder and doesnt let go until leon does SOMETHING

leon has been taking care of others for so long,so when raihan takes care of him ,its a new,yet quite familiar feeling.

its hard to accept since he felt bad about receiving the attention,but raihan kept doing it until leon tend to act spoiled around him

raihan always kiss leons forehead before he sleeps,when raihan is away, he has the urge to videocall raihan so he can coo him to sleep,but hes too embarrassed to do it

he thought abt that and raihan suddenly videocalling him,its noon on the region he visited, and hes like "heeeey, i just want to say good night to my beloved!! good night leon,sweet dreams,sorry bc i cant kiss your forehead but ill kiss u 10x more when im back"

leon was shocked and stared to his camera "lee? fuck,is the connection that bad-" and leon stuttered "n-no! i was surprised...thank you darling, have fun and stay safe okay?"

"of course! dont stay up thinking abt me for too long,i love you so much bubu,good night!

"..good afternoon raihoney,i love you too" leon stayed up for the next 20 minutes rolling around the bed screaming

raihan actually helps leon on taking care of his dragons, which made leons dragonmons actingspoiled around raihan,and sometimes leon thinks that his dragons loves raihan more than him

raihan plays with his dragonmon as if hes playing with a yamper,calling them "cute little babywubby" and playing with their hands,kissing their foreheads and lays with them on the floor,and of course leon joins in by laying on top or next to raihan

even leon have seen raihan carrying his dragapult like a baby with a baby axew hugging his legs, raihan is legit a dragon pokemon magnet

raihan has a habit of cooing or complimenting at leon even when hes doing the simplest thing ever and leon feels giddy like a 5 y.o everytime raihan does it

can u imagine how many pictures of leon raihan have on his phone,its probably more than 1000, he takes picture of leon as if hes a baby pokemon

leon comes to raihans place at 2 am without any warning,i mean raihan DID gave him a spare key so, raihans flat is HIS flat too,and there he goes,going to the bedroom and slip himself under the duvet,crawling to sleep closer to raihan

at first raihan is SO surprised that he jumped from the bed,but now he doesnt care anymore and just kiss leons head,mumbles "goo'nite bubh" and sleep again

leon does it so often that if hes gone from his apartment,people call raihan instead of him

raihan hugging leon from the back while leon is doing stuff in the kitchen while singing,and raihan is there like,peppering smooches and compliments while leon is STILL singing,and giggling bc raihan is smooching him

raihan is BAD at it but he sings along with leon in a joking manner and leon cant even sing anymore bc hes just wheezing while raihan is just "cmOn bAbeEEe SING AgAiiiNNnn"

[wildernessuntothemselves]

first of all THANK YOUUU~ to 🌶 anon

i am so flattered other ppl read my LONG ASS ask,,,, i hope you enjoyed it~

i took some time to rest (aka i fueled my introverted battery and baked a cake,,, gave it away (dont ask, i felt like baking), showered, watched some tv, ordered pizza and am now chillin on my couch hehe) and now i feel very talk active sooo here i am ONCE AGAIN

AND @shanice-1104 U ARE SO RIGHT

ITS ME,,,,IM THE SIMP (intelligent people are just so😫),, I AM INDEED OPEN FOR A SUGGAR- I MEAN FOR A DOCTOR TO PAY FOR MY NEEDS 😁😁😁😁😁

YALL SEE THEM CALLING ME DEAR AND BABE‼️‼️‼️ AND TELLING ME I SHOULD REST‼️‼️AND HOW THEY LOVE MY IDEAS‼️‼️‼️‼️ THE PRAISEEEE THE PRAISEE

anyone wanna be my yamqn!beomgyu but without the yandere 💗🥹🤌🏻

and what is a turn off…

like i said i am one kinky bitch… which actually literally no one i know personally knows😭

but i have some no gos and also some unpop opinions aaand this is the perf opportunity to just talk abt them i think its fun

so one thing i find rlly off putting is ddbg😟

or age play.. it makes me a little uncomfortable cause sometimes it feels like they’re sexualizing things that should be kept innocent and not be smth that has to do with … well sex, in my opinion and also THAT LACTATION THING BC ITS THERE TO FEED BABYS (with women) AND THATS WEIRD ON ITS OWN SO WHY WOULD U LIKE IT FOR MEN ????

and i know many people like roleplay but ill be honest, i never get the appeal of it, it kind of just puts me OUT of the mood immediately when i read it in fics or someone mentions it..

and exhibitionism, i do not understand the appeal of doing it in public for example, i can see why the ✨forbidden✨ aspect might be fun but in general i do not like the idea of random people seeing smth so intimidate and i also always feel bad for people who maybe notice it 💀

what i do find interesting and fun..

is somnophilia… and the thing is its kind of risky and a lot of people dislike it

but i think with the right circumstances it can be so nice?!

first of all having a partner you trust and have talked it through with completely! all the limits and what you do like/want

and then i saw this idea of having little necklaces, since it could take away some of the fun of having to personally ask your partner the night of, if they consent.. bc it could take away the suprise for example,, but generalizing and saying its always okey isnt great either… bc maybe ur in a bad mood or had a shit day and dont feel like it at all… so those necklaces could be customized to say yes or no or smth and indicate if the partner consents to it on that night or not

i think that just makes it a little safer for misunderstandings NOT to happen!

what i like abt it is the idea of waking up to your partner pleasuring you, or think your partner is so needy at night but they dont wanna disturb you so it just opens a lot of possibilities and i think its fun and maybe exciting which is what kinks are supossed to be i believe!

and what i RLLY like is marking up my partner i srsly love it (an obsession of mine here we go-)

i dont like it in the childisch way of having an obvious hickey on your neck and then flaunting it at school like youre THE DUDE… it feels a bit immature tbh

i love it in the way of (and i have written this a bit ago, explaining to my ex why i like it so much)

“i dont want others to see, i just wanna look at my work at the end of the night, making a mental image and the next time they look in the mirror they’ll be reminded of what we did”

which is also why i have a soft spot for thighs, hands or wrists, collarbones, lower bellys, backs and chests/boobs… theyre my fav places to mark up and i just love the idea of cuddling with my partner, counting all the hickeys or bite marks i left and recalling memories, the idea of them knowing i “own” them in the sense of theyre mine and mine only to ✨see✨ (although in general im not rlly possessive and don’t get jealous easily) so i can even bite their thigh for example and im the only one who’ll know (like our lil secret) or maybe leaving a cute lil hickey on their wrist and next time i play with their hands fingers i can see my mark- oftentimes when i find someone insanely attractive and their collarbones and neck show (in a photo (maybe a nude- for example) the idea of me being able to ruin or corrupt the beautiful sight with bitemarks makes my heart go 💗💗💗 and me in general 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

yeah i def got carried away AGAIN. i even wrote this in my notes so i wont get distracted and delete everything… and now i have completely exposed myself, everyone be careful i might bite ;)

-❄️ (feelin a bit spicy today now are we)

that sounds restorative. glad to hear about it ❤️ but i can't imagine going through the effort to bake or cook something just for someone else like that could never be me. i too need a yamqn gyu which is probably why i prefer him to tyun lmao

and omg y'all are blinded by the doctor title. i don't have shit to my name. my 5 years younger brother makes around three times my salary lol you only make good money out of being a doctor in america i swear

i totally get the ddbg and age play thing. like i get it the appeal to some extent like being taken care of and spoiled (is that the appeal? idk) but i just find it icky when the "baby" character can't speak or they have very obviously child-like mannerisms. it grosses me out. i've seen more than a couple fics of that type around felix lmao

and yeah lactation both ways freak me out but especially on males. i don't remember if i've written female lactation for iyym or not but if i have it was only to increase the crazy factor of felix (says I who writes noncon scenes)

roleplay is tricky because in real life i don't think i could ever take it seriously and in fics it wouldn't be roleplay it would just be the characters being the actual roles like teacher/student etc. but maybe if i tried it in real life i'd like it? idk i think i'd just laugh

oh man exhibitionism is definitely a kink that only belongs to the fics for me. i may have done a couple of things in public before but that wasn't because i was into it. i just didn't have a place to do it lmao. but getting caught is THE WORST (which i did like 3 times lmao)

somnophilia (with consent if it's in real life) is such a good concept. it's like the feeling you get when you wake up from a wet dream but better lol. but it does have it's drawbacks like morning breath and maybe having sweated through the night 😂

yesss the necklaces are also sooo good for the free use kink. like if you put the necklace on, it lets your partner know that they can just grab you and fuck your brains out whenever they want

for marks i like it for both ways honestly. the sweet one you mentioned and the "mine" aspect but the mine aspect is only for the fics again. i'd never intentionally mark my partner for the world to see that would be mortifying lmao (i did it once accidentally and it really was mortifying :'D)

[lunar-lair]

ok say hello to my insanely new oc who ive made entirely to be a villain who is still an excellent adult and a decent parent, probably. cares too much abt kids. think reigen mob psycho with a drop or two of milla. worked under Nick From The Mailroom and was actually in on his scheme.

has always been rather cold and brash towards adults, but is more caring towards kids. in my brain he has a brooklyn type accent? rough and tumble, walks around without a tie, yknow? they keep him cause he sorts mail real good, though.

(added a read more because this got INSANELY LONG AKSKSK i spent like an hr on this h)

he was a delugeionist, but only because he kinda just wanted to rip the world apart a little; lysandre vibes, thinks a lot of it is scum and needs to go. thinks the *psychonauts* are scum and need to go. hes psychic but suppressed it, think aquato parents but extra toxic about it, and straight up just saying being psychic is unnatural. wouldnt go to loboto parent lengths tho. so he adopted that thought of 'being psychic is unnatural and wrong', which contributed to a lot of self hate that was never learned out. likely, he realizes hes a shitty person and thinks he needs to go too. so like...yknow hank, dbh? kinda the vibe im gettin right now. way more formal, of course, and while usually gruff, is more polite when its needed; can and *will* beat the shit out of you verbally in a factual way, though, and can talk more street-lingo if hes talkin to real thugs. (probably winged it on his own after failing college or smth, hes got the vibes.)

anyways, its this plot where he slinks off and starts planting mistrust in the psychonauts or something. and inevitably he just...shows up and starts kidnapping people. dismantling things from the inside and all that. he left and formed a group who also hated psychics at some point, likely friends of his parents and friends of friends, all from his hometown. all of them fight *insanely* dirty, and a lot of them are insanely vulgar. the kids are supposed to be kept away.

but theres a line to follow here.

this man is a fold to raz. hates the psychonauts, hates being psychic, adopted his parent's hate of psychics, hates the *world.* raz is young and unburdened and unjaded...mostly. hes not the shock of water some young characters can be when it comes to being the foils of other characters; think steven with a villain or something, right? but raz is sassy and a little jaded, and not total sunshine positivity.

hes a child this man could look down on and not be immediately annoyed by, who is worried by yet respects raz's realization of the world as it is, however little that is.

and yet raz is still his foil. he still mostly loves the psychonauts, despite it all, he loves being psychic, for the most part, he dodged adopting his parents previous values, he still seems to have an even view of the world as a whole.

raz is jaded, if only a little, but he moved past it and accepted that things could still be bright. this man is jaded, but he stayed in his stormclouds, never looked for the sun.

ok where. was i. RIGHT ok so. at the beginning of this...story? the man finds raz being talked down to by one of the office workers; someone with weak psychic powers whos insanely jealous of his prowess. an adult who envies the young prodigy. and theyre giving him some insane task to do, like cleaning all of the closets within the hour, but hes saved the world twice, so he smiles and nods along, because he said he would help around the motherlobe, and this adult is asking him to do something that seems simple enough.

and this guy, internally, goes 'bitch.' for a good long second bc 1. dude even if you envy a kid, kinda fucked to show that?? not their fault 2. WHY are you asking a 10 year old to do that. why is there a 10 year old here. holy shit thats a 10 year old oh my god hes so tiny (no one told him there was a 10 year old because they knew hed stomp right up to management but. regardless. he is going to stomp up to management after this and no one can really stop him. except maybe raz well see)

so yknow. dude fixes his slight slouch and walks forward and politely tells this woman that 1. hes 10 why are you jealous of him and 2. hes 10????????? and shes like shit hes 10. and apologizes. and walks away

and raz is VERY ?? bc she was doing what? why is him being 10 important? and its that young part of you that gets pissed when people try to keep you from doing things because youre young and hes DEFINITELY yet to learn that piling responsibilites that should be handled by adults onto a child is fucked up in its own special way (looking at you ford, *nick*)

and the dude calmly explains because yea. he gets that. and he still sounds gruff and a little peeved but he squats down to razs height and he talks simply and factually, telling him straight on why it isnt right.

and. huh. people dont really do that for raz. except for sasha, sometimes, everyone likes to dodge the truth a lot with him, because hes 10, and sometimes, hes too nice to tug it out of them.

and this guy, this man that raz is already polishing a trophy for 'good adulting' in the back of his brain with his striking statements about how adults should handle things and kids should-kids should...get to have fun. not be traumatized.

for the shock on his face when raz said hed already saved the world a couple times, whats some closets. he reigned it in, said that its weird he saved the world, because thats usually their jobs.

and this guy offers his hand on instict before he stands up, even though he doesnt seem very sweet and kind like the adults that usually offer raz a hand. and he takes it, i think. he takes it.

warm. warm, a little nice.

reminds raz of his dad, maybe. he wonders if this man has any kids himself, but keeps his mouth shut, because he thinks he already has the answer, and its yes.

(he doesnt have any. he would wish he did, but he knows hed fail to raise them right.)

and when he stands, he asks raz what he was asking that woman for, and he says hes doing tasks around the motherlobe because his papers are still coming in. the man doesnt ask. (he knows what 'papers' means, realizes this is the tiny junior psychonaut every room in the damn place has been buzzing about, and he has fucking words for forsythe.) he just offers for the kid to sort mail under his supervision.

and that sounds boring. at least, it usually would.

this man is interesting, and a good...person? a good adult? hes...hes new. hes new, and calm, and a little like sasha but a lot not, and he thinks he trusts him.

so raz grins and says yea, mail sorting sounds nice.

(debatably, raz does not take his hand. hes too jaded when it comes to adults. debatably, he does not feel any warmth from this man who has taught him every adult has been telling him wrong. debatably, im projecting. but thats the whole point of ocs, hm?)

and then holes crop up in motherlobe systems. people are kidnapped.

raz keeps seeing the strange man, keeps telling him things, keeps hearing back, gruff and factual and a little annoyed, but raz can almost-just-barely tell its not at him, with the way he talks.

he can tell. he can tell.

he can never tell. this man is making sure he can tell.

raz trusts the man, is still polishing that trophy for 'best adulting' he has settling in the back of his mind.

and then the man comes with a militia.

he did not seem jaded. he did not seem hateful. he never showed any anger or hate towards raz.

but thats because he knows kids dont deserve it.

an excellent moral or two. a rotten, broken heart.

and at first, they keep the kids away, because these people fight dirty, because this isnt their battle, because the man has been sending emails about why 15 year olds are in a secret psychic agency.

(he does not mention raz. by razs second visit, he had just marked the boy down as another reason to hate the psychonauts as a whole, and especially its higher ups.

hes also regretting his alliance to nick by about the third. if he had known the man would puppet a child as if they were a toy, he would have organized his own rebellion ages ago.)

but eventually, the psychonauts need all hands on deck.

they send the children to find the missing agents.

the interns are fought on the way. some of them avoid the child, know the boss would pummel them.

they get to the base, and the strange man, the one with the broken trophy for 'best adult' (still barely-polished, because hes still so sure) still nestled in the back of razs brain, is still there.

the junior psychonauts are spotted. one of the guards throws a few rocks aimlessly.

they surprise them. one almost hits raz.

its intercepted instead.

and the other junior psychonauts watch as this man, their enemy, a villain, in their eyes, reprimands the other man for even accidentally daring, for even trying. for doing something they might have done just a month or so ago, if they had decided he was too much weirder than they already had.

and he yells something like, "Why the hell is he even here?! This is an enemy base, of whats a rebellion! This is a *10 year old*! What kind of adult sends a child *near* something like that?!" and he truly sounds angry this time, raz finds. hes too angry to keep it in. he still sounds gruff and oddly proper. raz is standing there, arms hanging. hes baffled in a specific way, the way he was every time the man's brow furrowed when he mentioned a harrowing story, the way he was the first day they met.

and he asks, a little quiet, a little small, a reminder of how young he really is, "Why are you still trying to keep me safe? We're supposed to be enemies now."

And his brow furrows further before flattening out, and he tilts onto one leg, and he swears he almost kneels to a knee.

He cant believe it. He really cant.

"You're 10." he says simply, softly, that factual way. "You shouldn't even be here."

and raz pauses. the interns freeze.

"...well, here I am."

and i think...it would be so intriguing if this was done halfway out of the mind, because this man is so against anything psychic. it would be so *compelling.*

so raz steps forward and asks again, asks why hes doing this.

and the mans eyes harden, he tries to turn off that soft heart, trying to remind himself of all that he hates. because he hates the psychonauts, because he sort of hates the world.

and raz asks why he could ever hate the psychonauts, head tilted, before listing off the few he knows to be true. but other than that, how? and ok, the world sucks a little, yea, hes seen that, gets that.

and he appreciates that this kid isnt totally gung ho about existence.

but he hates that he isnt, too.

and its this back and forth. everything the man hates, why he hates it. raz saying why its good but admitting why its bad.

and hes swayed, just a little.

but the man stands up from the kneel hed inevitably instinctively put himself into, and walks forward, hand held out yet again.

"You shouldn't be in the Psychonauts," he tells him, soft, factual, brow furrowed. "Come with me. I'll bring you back to your parents, or wherever it is you want to go."

raz contemplates. thinks, for a long moment.

he grabs the mans hand, warm and firm, yet again, for a terrifying moment.

before he reaches up to slap a mental door on his forehead, and astral projects into it.

he thinks this man is good. thinks hes just jaded.

thinks hes the best adult hes ever met, one who just happens to hate a lot of things.

hes only 10.

hes not letting someone who can tell him so clearly whats wrong and right for adults to tell him go that easily.

aaaand yknow. raz does his razzy thing. learns about why the guy hates the world and the psychonauts and himself. helps him learn that its not all bad, that he was excellent to raz, and still is, that things can be bad and good all at once.

the man concedes that raz is very capable, very smart, and can do a lot. but that doesnt mean he should have to.

raz tells him, though, that he likes working for the psychonauts. its his dream. and he realizes some things he was told to do were kinda screwed up, now. that maybe, in honesty, he was dealt a bad hand.

but hes done what he can with that hand, and he ended up with a royal flush.

and uh! yknow!! then raz leaves his mind and he calls off the rebellion! its like a rhombus of ruin type adventure, except without the villain being present beforehand. its just not clustered in insanely close with a ton of other wild shit.

anyways this got really long? sorry?? its an oc i just saw good adult and slight father vibe potential in the vibe i instantly got on him and then i went feral???? rip maybe someone will read this and if you did. congrats i honestly really liked how the whole foil and good-yet-bad and consideration of raz being 10 thing worked out. this oc is almost like our representative in the psychonauts world the way reigen is for the audience in mp100. yea :) i match them up a lot but thats just cause they vibe a lot. anyways its 1:40 am now and i spent abt an hour on this hope it vibed mildly byeeee

[ajdrawshq]

Yo I've been really out of the loop with KH stuff but I took a look at some of the official localizations cause I was curious about the changes and NOW I'm curious if the community like raised an eyebrow at all at the whole 'world where unversed come from thing'??? The wording about it on Terra and Vanitas' files still make me go?? I wanna know if the theory people closed in on that cause I only barely speculate and I'm lowkey losing my mind that it wasn't a mistranslation actually

Omg ok so first off i read this like 3 times and went "wAIT WHAT DO U MEAN THEY MENTION AN UNVERSED WORLD" despite Terra's and Vanitas' stories being the ones i read the most (other than Repli's,,) so that tells u exactly how much info i retain from anything ever,

SECONDLY this is actually interesting to me and despite following quite a few kh theorists i have Not seen anyone even blink at this at all - tho i hadnt looked on twitter much when they first came out so i could be wrong. Either way, first time im hearing it so thanks for that n props for being the first to say anything abt it to my knowledge! Also wanna mention that i never actually read most of the chara files before the official translation (i think i read Repliku, Riku n Demyx n just. Never went to the rest) so by ur wording that was a thing even before this stuff was released??? How am i just now finding this out ,, BUT YEAH GETTING TO THE STUFF IN THE CHARACTER FILES BC IM VERY INTRIGUED.. i'll include whatever may or may not be relevant to this topic

From Terra's character file: "If the Realm of Darkness was what Aqua had fallen into, where was I? . . . Maybe that place wasn't even darkness, but the realm of nothingness. A realm with neither light nor darkness. . . I wasn't in the world of sleep, in a dream, but rather a world of nothing, and yet it existed. Because of this, pain, sadness, and hatred became nothingness and attacked me. . . Maybe this place resembled the world of the Unversed. A void that swallowed even sadness and pain. A world where hope and joy had never existed to begin with."

And from Vanitas': "Unversed--meaning ones who aren't well versed with life. What the heck does that actually mean? . . . This monster was both me and not me. . . I dont need to know which is light and which is darkness. Not just light, not just darkness. . . I came from the void and am returning to it. What's the void? It's neither darkness nor light, more like an abyss. Good night, Ventus."

... good god is there a lot to unpack here. Like a Lot a lot. Im gonna try to stay on topic here but no guarentees bc we are talking about Terra and Vanitas and the biggest coolest parallel tie thing that i never even thought about before, both between them and between two kh monsters that i didnt think would be linked and the relationships between different worlds and realms and nmmmmmmmm yeah im just gonna write down every observation i have from this sorry in advance for length

Ok. The most obvious connection between the two is both mentioning the void. This, according to what u pointed out and being backed up by Terra's observation, is or is similar to the world where Unversed originate, or where they reside. Now at first I thought that would be a weird thought bc like, dont the Unversed come from Vanitas?? But Vanitas talks about how he also came from that void, so the idea of it being the world of Unversed isnt out of the picture. But also, Vanitas is supposed to come from Darkness, right? Did Darkness come from this void as well? Or is it the void itself? But that would be weird, because the void isnt darkness nor light - and they make a point to say that mulitple times, which is interesting. What the fuck even is this void?

Thing is, the way they - especially Terra - talk about it (and bc i recently played thru kh2's ending again as if id somehow known it would come in handy) reminded me of this:

A place of neither dark nor light, an abyss, where emotions never existed, with creatures that embody nothingness. Plus the fact that Terra has ties to Xemnas, whom you fight here (was Terra here too, somewhere?). Theres gotta be a connection. I have no doubts about this. My only question would be just.. why?? With Unversed being the literal embodiments of emotions while Nobodies completely lack those, its kind of weird to think that their origins might be connected in some way. Or maybe not their origins, but theres.. something. We think of Heartless and Nobodies as counterparts, but Unversed might have bigger a place in there than we know. I might even argue that Nobodies and Unversed have a more distinct tie than the previous duo according to these files. Whether theyre also counterparts, polar opposites, or possibly even of similar nature..

Oh, on a related note, I included Vanitas' "both me and not me" quote for a number of reasons - one being the above. Im not saying the Unversed and Nobodies are actually the same thing (probably. Probably) but the way Terra described emotions turning into nothingness which then attacked him, adding on Unversed being described as those who arent well versed with life (which even Vanitas doesnt really understand, and those things come from him) like. Theres something here. The other reason i included the quote was i think it actually seems like a cool parallel to Terra, Xemnas, and Xehanort, which felt relevant enough to add here

Also noting the reason for why i included Vanitas' last line there, i couldnt help but be reminded of something from re:com:

I also think its interesting that Terra knows of the sleeping worlds, which makes me wonder if he ever had experience with them since hes aware that he isnt among those (outside of what he may know/remember from Xemnas..? Im not sure how strong their connection is)

But back to the Unversed world itself, why does Vanitas say hes going back to a place without darkness or light when hes supposed to Be Darkness (or part of it, at least)? Thats like one of the main things thats really getting me here. Is the void, the world of nothingness, where everything came from or came to be? Cuz if THE Darkness came from the place, its gotta go way back.

Ohhhhhh no im thinking way too much abt this but. A world of nothingness. It shouldnt exist, but it does. Yknow what else shouldnt and technically doesnt exist but somehow also does? Unreality. Fiction. Where MoM, who has been at war with Darkness (who has relation to Vanitas) for the past fuck knows how many centuries, was last seen. (Wheres that one pic of the dude with the corkboard going nuts thats exactly what i feel like rn.)

The void is related to nothingness, but are those related to the worlds of fiction? Do light and dark exist in unreality? If so, do they have the same relationship as within reality? Is any of this stuff related? I dont fucking know!!!!!!!!! Im going to lay facedown on my bed and contemplate this for the rest of my life

[superchat]

how do I make friends on here?

writing this after i wrote everything else: i think a big part of it is familiarity. i think the best chances of making friends are with blogs that recognize you and that you recognize well too. (if youre following someone and, like their content theyll see that tbh)

i would say dont be afraid to be vocal in the tags when you reblog things. i think a lot of people really like seeing their mutuals/followers thoughts/comments/reactions in their notifs, or at least i do. and im sure others appreciate it too. theyll notice you. if youre following any blogs you like, and think the person behind them are nice or someone youd like to know, you can always just send them an ask saying you like their stuff and appreciate their content. just being open and honest about those kinds of things really makes a difference and helps kind of break the ice with people. if youre too shy, you can always just send an anon. they wont know its from YOU but it might help you feel more comfortable reaching out in the future. im a big fan of that cuz im shy (but talkative lmao) and dont always do well in conversations but i like sending anons to ppl i like (srry if this is tangential)

theres been a few times where a mutual or someone i follow will reblog something im interested in too and ive sent an ask like "luaras theme in SH2 is so good, i love her character so much" so just like, reaching out based on common interests is always good

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk abt DMing.......the most comfortable ive been with DMing people is when they have questions. someone will be like "what song is this" or "wheres that post abt THING" or something. and me being the, tunnel vision person i am, and liking to be helpful, ive gone out of my way to find those things and i feel okay to like, send it to them in their DMs like "heres the thing!" OH, one thing ive done in the past is like. ive seen a post that i thought another blog would like, or it was something that really reminded me of them and ive been like "hey i hope this isnt weird feel free to ignore but i saw this thing and thought youd like it"

big important thing imo is like, many people care, and if youre long time mutuals, chances are they recognize your blog and appreciate you. there are also many people who are just, not interested in socializing too. its important to not like, take any of that personal. if you do talk to someone, and after a few conversations, things fizzle out, or if they dont reply much. dont take it personal. online friendships can be very hit or miss. if i ever reach out to someone i always start it with like "are you okay chatting?" or "i hope dming you doesnt make you uncomfortable, if it does we dont have to talk!" or something, and after that, if theyre down to talk. ill say what i wanted to talk about

[sajdd]

Yeah c!dream apologists say how it's the server who betrayed him and he just wanted peace (even tho he admitted himself he wanted to use the attachments to control people and they just ignore that ig) or rarely that he was so great and wanted to get imprisoned. How exile was necessary to achieve his goal, that he'll have a nice healing arc with the Syndicate after he gets out.

That's why the twitter post was VERY right! c!dream apologists say how they want to enjoy a villain and then blame everyone but him for what he consciously did. No wonder they see him as morally gray when they changed his character to fit their narrative.

"he just wanted peace" c!dream apologists watch early dsmp era, disc war era and early lmanberg era vods and videos challenge.

they really be out here blindly believing everything c!dream says but then c!wilbur blinks and they call that manipulation 🤨🤨

oh yeah the "he wanted to get imprisoned so he could heal" is the most wild one ive seen in terms of the theories abt the prison like HUH???? also the "the prison wouldnt have been that inhumane if c!dream was in charge" HE LITERALLY COMMISSIONED IT. HE WAS THE ONE WHO DECIDED WHAT WENT AND WHAT DIDNT. EVEN WITHOUT THE TORTURE THAT PRISON IS ALREADY BAD ENOUGH. NOT TO MENTION HIS PLAN WAS TO KILL TUBBO AND THEN LOCK TOMMY IN THE "REMINDER OF ALL YOUR TRAUMA EVER" BOX LIKE HELLO???????? he literally got caught in 4k lol

nothing drives me more up the wall than c!dream "healing arc" featuring rivals duo or the syndicate like wow! making it even better by bringing in more characters that suck! awesome!

yep they rlly be like "just let us enjoy a villain!!! anyway heres all the reasons he isnt the villain and is actually a victim" and im like what the fuck are you talking about

they use "morally grey" as an excuse for all his actions. also nothing annoys me more than people being like "well every character is morally grey so 🤪🤪" so youre really telling me characters like eret and ranboo are on equal moral ground to dream? ok.

[moontours]

Can you analyse 616!Natasha for us MCU-only fans? How different is she from MCU Nat?

of course!!! i will never turn down an opportunity to talk about nat ever. but i’d say that 616 nat is very, very different from mcu nat, partly because she’s had decades and decades of history compared to mcu nat’s 10 years of undeveloped character. tbh i dont really know where to start but id say that 616 nat is a lot more independent than mcu nat. she starts off as a lone villain, manipulates clint into working with her and then when she decides to leave russia, she ends up with the avengers for a bit and then she finds herself in a relationship with matthew murdock and then on the champions team in california. and she literally does not hesitate to leave if she feels like her independence and agency is being taken from her—which is pretty evident in her relationship/partnership with matthew, because she felt as if he wasn’t seeing her as his equal so she stayed in california when he went back. for mcu nat, all we’ve ever seen of her so far is that she’s been with shield and the avengers, which isn’t like something bad but i really wanted to see her on her own at own point too because she does like working as a solo agent a lot—not because she doesn’t have any friends, she does, but she’s just very efficient when working alone. i was hoping we were going to see that with the black widow movie, where she was working alone and then would find herself linking up with people from her past but the way they decided to do it .... its not good jrbhabsdhja. speaking of the mcu movies, i would say that literally only iron man 2 has a good portrayal of natasha and the other movies are either decent or downright awful. im2 showed a very skilled, efficient natasha which is like ... one of my fave things about her like she’s supposed to literally be the best at what she does and i feel like you dont see that in the other movies (i.e.: wearing a hoodie .. ??? as her disguise ??? in tws .. ??? getting caught on camera ??? its absolutely offensive TO ME that she would ever be that stupid). and while we’re on the topic of natasha’s skillset, i absolutely despise the fact that yelena had to remind natasha that they were killers in that one black widow trailer. it’s genuinely SO stupid because 616 natasha’s skillset is something that she trained so hard for (depending on which version of ur origin story ur looking at, she was the best student that the kgb ever had and in the red room story, she eventually got her way to the top. either way, she’s extremely gifted and hardworking) and she knows that shes a killer and its not something that she shies away from. yes i do understand that this is disney and that they cant be as explicit because of their audience but natasha IS an assassin she DOES kill people and she will gladly do it again! it’s literally one of her first options for when she has to deal with someone even if others dont want it lmao (like in hickmanvengers when jess drew opposed her killing people and she was like hm i dont agree) like it just makes no sense that she would ever forget that she was a killer. also i would say that 616 nat just has a different attitude from mcu nat’s overall. 616 nat is extremely confident, sometimes very mean and has the MOST love for herself. she knows shes hot shit. she also knows that shes done shitty things in the past but it is not something she holds against herself. she knows that she doesnt deserve to die for it and that when she DOES die it’ll be on her own terms which is VERY contrasting to mcu nat, who believes that because of her past as an assassin, she needs to repent n that the only way to do that is through death. u can see that she has very little love for herself and that she relies on the trust of others (i.e.: in tws when she asks steve if he would trust her to save his life) like shes . insecure ?? which isnt smt 616 nat deals with bc she literally doesnt give a single shit abt what other ppl think of her, just what she thinks of herself.

also i just realized this got insanely long so im going to stop here but if u want to hear more feel free to come back theres so much i could say abt 616 nat vs mcu nat <3