#also this is my pathetic attempt at trying to write something cause I have writer's block that is refusing to budge

[jujutsustraycats]

“He who sees no meaning in life feels alive in death.”

~ My thoughts on that part of Dazai's character.

[erodasfishtacos]

#HendallReunited

prompt: request was to write broad but to write something angsty

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: language, sexual content, angst

Harry always had issues with saying ‘no’ to people. He never quite grew out of his manners even when he should have.

He said ‘yes’ to way too many things- signing autographs for rude fans and paparazzi, and agreed to way too many things Jeff suggested.

Saying yes to everything didn’t make his life any easier is the thing. Especially when it came to his wife. She was usually left with the aftermath of him being too nice.

The media painted Y/N in a negative light occasionally and so did the fans because she would stand up for Harry and not let him say ‘yes’ to every single request.

She would tell disrespectful fans he’s not signing autographs because of the way they were screaming and interrupting his work.

Harry wished he could do it himself - admired that his wife didn’t give a fuck what people thought about her. He cared entirely too much what the world would think.

The couple didn’t fight about much - no, not really. Normal couple stuff for the most part. But this was the exception, this is where Y/N found most of their turmoil.

Every few months it would rear it’s ugly head and they’d find themselves in the same position over and over again.

This time - it was really fucking bad.

The couple had been staying in their Los Angeles home for the last few months whilst the singer finalized his album and began promotion.

It was boring meeting among boring lunch outings to get all their ducks in a row. Jeff - his manager the main orchestrator.

He was a great manager and a good friend, but it was also business too which Harry didn’t always comprehend.

At the end of the day, Harry was making Jeff millions upon millions of dollars. But Harry didn’t think that way.

**

Harry was in a stuffy conference room at the The Late Late Show to work on the script and ideas for the show. Promo had been nonstop.

He was a bit tired as it was nearly just hitting eight in the morning and he had been up late with you - having some late night loving in the hot tub.

“As for guest - Kendall Jenner,” James Corden’s producer states. All the men agree but Harry is taken aback.

“Why...why would we have my ex-girlfriend as one of my guests?” Harry interrupts, confusion knitting his brows.

Kendall and him didn’t end on a bad note - not at all. They hooked up a few times after their ‘break-up’ but once he’d met Y/N she was understanding when he cut it off.

Y/N wasn’t necessarily jealous of the model, but didn’t love when they’d run into each other at events. She was still overtly flirty with Harry without much shame. 

Harry also didn’t have an desire to see her or host her as a guest on the show. She was nice but he wasn’t interested in being friends with her. They didn’t have much in common and he was head over heels for his wife.

“The media will eat it up, dude. Harry Styles and Kendall Jenner reunited on a show after four years?” Jeff smiles, the others nodding in amicable agreement.

This is one of this times where Harry needs to say “no,” that it’s disrespectful to his significant other to use an old flame for promo for his album.

He already knows ‘hendall’ will be trending within minutes and he can’t imagine how that would make his parter feel.

“I just...this doesn’t seem like a good idea?” Harry begins hesitantly, making it sound more like a question than a statement. 

“Why not?” Eric, one of the writers asks.

“Y’know, I’m married. I don’t think m’missus would appreciate if I did somethin’ like that just for promotion,” he states, scratching at his jaw uncomfortably.

“Look Styles, we’re not asking you to fuck the girl. It just a interview, c’mon,” The executive producer gruffs - wanting those guaranteed views.

Harry swallows - looking at his manager and then at everyone else at the table looking at him for an affirmative answer.

“Uh-sure,” Harry fumbles, feeling anxiety rise into his throat. Fuck, he’s such a god damn pushover.

He’s trying to find his voice to go back on his agreement but the meeting wrapping up and people are leaving with final handshakes.

**

Harry doesn’t know how to tell Y/N what is going on. He’d been keeping in stored in the back of his mind, not ready to have a blowout.

He never found the perfect time to bring it up and now it was too late. It was the morning of the show and he was due to be at the rehearsals this afternoon.

Harry had finally decided he was going to tell her this morning over coffee but forgot that she had a girl’s day planned with a few friends.

She was already out to breakfast with them when he woke up. His phone had one text from you.

Hi baby. I’m out with the girls. See you at the show tonight. I’ll meet you there around six! Love you!

He was fucked royally and he had no one to blame but himself. Maybe it’d be okay, maybe she’d roll her eyes and tell him he’s an idiot.

Realistically he knew that was just a sweet dream at this point.

—

Harry was fidgety and kept mucking up his lines during rehearsal as it got closer to the showtime and his missus arriving.

Kendall had arrived for hair and makeup without seeing her ex-boyfriend yet. He dreaded seeing the model.

Kendall and Y/N had met a few times at different events. It was always cordial. Kendall was always casual - their relationship was never more than a couple fun dates and sex.

They were kind to each other when they met but he couldn’t deny how much harder his partner kissed him on the mouth afterwards.

Before he know it, his wife is hugging him from behind as he talks to a producer about which cameras to look at.

Y/N noticed the way he tensed up at first and thought about how unusual that was for him. Normally, he’d lean back into her with his full weight causing them both to stumble and laugh.

He slowly, cautiously turns around and his face  relaxes a little bit but not completely. “Hi baby,” he hums, leaning in for a kiss.

“You look so handsome,” she replies, admiring his brown pinstriped suit and her pearl necklace that he’d snagged awhile back. She thought it looked better on him anyways.

“You look even better, s’fuckin’ pretty, love,” he gushes, coming back in for another kiss - a little too sensual for the setting.

She was donned in a cropped white shirt, showing of the smooth expanse of her tummy. An oversized blazer of Harry’s, ripped jeans, and heels. 

Harry thought fleetingly he couldn’t wait to fuck her after the show. Then remembered that mostly wouldn’t happen.

Reggie, the musical lead, slides up to you two. He smiles wide at you, saying, “Can’t believe you agreed to the guest this evening.”

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, Harry’s raise nearly to his forehead, but when she opens her mouth to ask him to explain they’re interrupted.

“Harry!” The leggy model trots over to the little group. Dressed in an interesting one-piece suit that has sewn in heels. She looked beautiful as ever, of course she was a model.

Both of them turn towards the oblivious girl, “Kendall,” Harry replies with a twinge of anxiety - eyes repeatedly looking at his significant other’s profile as multiple emotions flash.

“Hiya, you’re Y/N right?” Kendall smiles kindly, offering her manicured hand.

She accepts, “Yeah, uh-good to see you again.”

Harry knew she had connected the dots quickly in her head. The hurt, confusion, had hit her eyes before narrowing into full-blown rage at her partner.

“I promise I’ll go easy on him,” Kendall jokes before pinching at Harry’s cheek teasingly. The model was a natural flirt with everyone she got along with.

“Oh, sure,” she replies lamely, attempting to not let her feelings burst out in that moment with her husband . She knew it wasn’t Kendall’s fault.

“I’m going to go grab a bite to eat. I’m probably gonna puke when we do ‘spill or fill’. See you guys soon,” the model waves before trailing off with her assistant.

“Did you kn- of course you knew she was your guest,” Y/N seethes, turning to fully face the guilt-stricken-singer.

He rubs the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact, “I did.”

“How long have you known for?” She demands to know, keeping her voice at an angry whisper to not draw attention.

Harry wasn’t going to lie to his love, “About two weeks.”

Y/N replies with a laugh, “let me guess, you let Jeffrey talk you into this bullshit, again.”

His silence is all she needs to know it’s true.

“For Christ’s sake, of course,” She huffs bitterly, “what’s even worse is you didn’t fucking tell me. What the fuck?”

Harry bites his lip, not able to rasp out anything but a pathetic, “m’sorry, love.”

He wasn’t usually good at taking responsibility during a fight. He was stubborn at best but he couldn’t deny his way out of this.

“You will be, you-“

They were cut off by the staff, the audience was trailing in and Harry needed to get mic’d up now.

“This conversation isn’t over,” she points her finger at his chest before storming off to the side of the stage where she’d watch from.

Fucking shit.

**

Harry was a performer. It’s easy for him to push things to the back of his mind so he can entertain a enamored audience.

But tonight, he was struggling. Eyes flicking over to the teleprompter more than usual, his demeanor not as vivid and carefree.

Not when his wife was glaring daggers at him from stage right. Her hand constantly at her mouth, biting at her nails - a nervous tick of hers.

“Next up, the one, the only, the beautiful model and one of my good friends, Kendall Jenner!” Harry introduces when she walks out and waves at the crowd.

They hug and when they pull apart they step over to where they were playing the game. Either answer the question or eat a nasty food picked out by the other.

They weren’t allowed to see each other’s questions before the game started- both going on blind which put Harry more on edge.

“Okay, Kendall. Rank the members of One Direction on most to least attractive or you will be eating...” Harry spins the table, “Cow tongue.”

She flinched at the disgusting plate, smirking up at Harry before considering her course of action, “I think I can answer this one.”

He wasn’t looking forward to her answer. Neither was Y/N by the way she nearly shaking her foot off her leg.

“Okay, I got this. You - the most attractive, then uh- Zayn....Louis...Niall...Liam,” she laughs, “but all of you are hot!”

Harry fake laughs and acts like he’s impressed by her answer as the crowd roars and cheers. 

When Kendall picks up her notecard - she laughs in surprise at the question before looking at him with bright eyes.

“Okay, um, bull penis!” She giggles before starting the question, “I’m dying to know this answer. So...your first album HS1 was released four years ago, correct?”

He nods, apprehensive.

“Which songs were about me? Especially was only angel?” She laughs at Harry’s pale expression before without another thought he shovels the rancid food into his mouth.

Harry looks off to the side to see that his missus is no longer sitting there. Just Jeff - who gives him a thumbs up.

**

The first thing he did when the show ended and the lights dimmed was bolt off to Jeff - ignoring Kendall who was about to say something to him.

“Where’d Y/N go?”

He thought she might have went out to get a breathe of fresh air but for the next hour and a half he hasn’t seen her once.

“She said she wasn’t feeling very good. She told me to tell you she’d meet you at home,” Jeff shrugs unbothered.

“Damnit!” Harry curses loudly, ripping out of the microphone and the little pack in his back waistband.

“Harry,” Jeff scolds at his unprofessionalism that was abnormal for him.

“No! Don’t fucking ever ask me to do shit like this again. You fucking knew what questions were on those notecards and you said it wasn’t anything about our previous relationship.”

“Harry-“

“Don’t fucking talk to me. You’re a real shit manager sometimes, you know that? Do not contact me tonight or tomorrow for that matter, you douchebag,” Harry barks before storming off towards the dressing rooms.

All the employees were standing around in shock, staring at the popstar as he ignored everyone around him.

Harry was famously known for being a kind, amicable guy. So it took everyone by surprise to hear him speak like that. Even Jeff was shaken up a little.

—

The house was pitch-black as Harry pulled up. The house’s first floor was lined with large, bay windows and not a single light was on.

He could find one room illuminated which was your bedroom. A dim side lamp must have been flicked on. He imagined her purposely turning off all the lights on the trek up the staircase.

Harry didn’t want to admit how much he was trembling with awful nerves and anticipation as he slowly turns the knob of the shared bedroom.

Y/N wasn’t laying in bed as he expected but found the bathroom door shut tightly. He noticed a little yellow bag with tissue paper off to the side by a dresser.

He knocks on the oak door, not daring to enter without permission.

“What do you want?” Y/N answers, tone flat and emotionless. 

“Can I come in, baby? Please...” He wasn’t ashamed to beg for forgiveness at this point. Hearing the emptiness in her tone scared him shitless.

“I really could care less,” She replies coldly from her spot in the scalding water decorated with bubbles.

Harry had never felt more unsure in his life as he enters the bathroom.  Y/N had gotten proper pissed at him or vice versa before - right before a concert, an award ceremony but she’d never left without him.

Her head was laying against the foam headrest and her body was covered by the soap water. She looked tired and her eyes were puffy from crying.

Harry kneels next to the tub, “look at me, please pet.”

 Y/N takes a moment before turning her head and opening her eyes. They were distant, disappointed in the man in front of her.

“I should have told you about Kendall. I should have put up more of a fight to get someone else on instead,” Harry admits, his hands desperately wanting to reach out for her.

She shakes her head with a heart-wrenching sniffle, “it’s not just tonight, Harry. We’ve had this conversation continuously for three and a half fucking years. You try to please everyone, despite them giving no fucks about you.”

“Are you that much of a pushover? You let your ex-girlfriend flirt with you in front of millions. Do you know how embarrassing and unfair that it to me?” She wipes at her eyes to stop the tears spilling over.

Harry hadn’t thought of it like that - to be honest. But he agrees, it wasn’t fair and downright cruel to do that to her.

What? All because he couldn’t say ‘no’ because he didn’t want people to be mad at him? It was pathetic and ridiculous.

“I-I won’t let it happen again, lovie. I mean it, I truly do,” Harry whimpers reaching over to cup her cheek and wants to cry when she pushes him away.

“You’re a broken record. You’ve said that a million times before but don’t change,”  Y/N points out, eyes boring furiously into his wife’s.

“I’m goi-“

She cuts him off with a sharp edge in her tone, “Just leave me alone, get out.”

The man’s face crumbles and for a second, she wants to just end the fight and makeup but then nothing would change.

“Baby-“

“Get out!” She finally bellows, tears streaming down her face steadily.

He obliges, head hung in defeat as he closes the door behind him. He stands there’s blankly for a second before going to the walk-in closet.

He’s pulling out a fresh pair of cotton underwear and a large sleepshirt for his partner, laying them neatly on the bed.

Harry doesn’t know what to do with himself while he waits so he pulls out his phone to mindlessly scroll.

He throws it against the wall when he sees #hendallreunited is trending number one on Twitter at the moment.

The singer strips down to his briefs and sits with his back against the tufted headboard, staring blankly at the wall.

His eyes catch a neon pink pair of his swimshorts tossed carelessly on the decorative vase in the corner of the room from the night before .

“Fuck, baby - no need to rush,” Harry groans into Y/N ‘s mouth as she pushes him until he’s sat on the edge of their California king.

She reaches impatiently for the tie on his neon pink swimshorts and yanks them off his slim, peach-fuzz thighs before throwing them onto the vase without a care that it was worth over twenty-thousand pounds.

After edging her in the hot tub with his fingers and mouth, she wasn’t waiting any longer before clambering onto his lap, pulling her swim bottoms to the side, and sinking onto him.

He felt guilty when his cock twitched at the thought of it. But when reality set back in, the arousal with the memory evaporated.

It isn’t much longer until the door is pulled open and  Y/N’s padding into the room with a towel secured around her.

She looks at the clothes Harry set out for her and pointedly walks past them to pick out her own nightwear. 

That really shouldn’t make his eyes tear up as he watches her slide on a similar pair of panties and an oversized shirt. Spotting a purpling bruise on her upper in thigh from his mouth.

 Y/N silently walks past the bed and to the bedroom door, looking back before bleakly stating, “I’m going to sleep in the guest room.”

He frowns, wrinkles appearing on his forehead, “You can sleep in here, love. I’ll take the guest room.”

Harry doesn’t get a reply as she just shakes her head and closes the door loudly behind her. 

It’s just - he’s never seen her this upset. She was usually fantastic at communicating her feelings and hashing things out.

She wasn’t one for the silent treatment or ignoring the topic. It had his chest rising faster than usual with anxiety. The serious of it overwhelming him.

He states at the wall for a very long time without wiping the fat tears brimming over his trembling lips.

*

He couldn’t sleep - it was half past three and he hadn’t even laid down or clicked off the lamp.

Harry accepted sleep wasn’t coming so he begins to tidy the already clean room. He picks up the shorts and tossing them in the hamper.

He refolds some joggers he’d carelessly shoved in a drawer and when he went to move the little yellow bag - curiosity got the best of him.

There was no card and he wasn’t sure who it was for or if it had been a gift already give to Y/N that she had returned home with.

Harry really shouldn’t - but he does. Gently tugging out the paper and reaching in to feel fabric.

Pulling it out, it takes him a minute to identify what it is - two baby onesie. Who was having a baby?

He lays them in front of him, eyes widening in surprise as he reads what is printed across the black cotton.

The first one was the colors and font of his upcoming tour merch with the photo he used on his tour announcement with the heeled boot and white pants.

Love on Tour - Due Date: September 2025

With Special Guest Appearance from Baby Styles

The second one was simple and read across the chest:

I’m having your baby (and it is your business) with embroidered kiwis all of over it.

He frantically reached back into the bag to pull out a bundle of pregnancy tests tied with a silk bow.

They weren’t necessarily trying for a baby but they’re weren’t not trying either. Harry wanted a baby as soon as his missus was willing to give him one.

“No, no, don’t one,” she’d whined into his mouth when he’d reached over to grab a condom off the nightstand.

“Oh sweet thing, you want me bare? Fill you up?” He croons happily, coming back to grip at his thick base and tease at her entrance.

“Ye-yeah, H. Please,” (Y/N) whimpers, bucking her hips in the hope he’d slip inside her.

Harry hums, “Might give you a baby though, y’want me to knock you up?”

“Want it, wan-“

He cuts her off with a hard, blissful kiss as he thrusts all the way inside before pulling out to do it again. 

“Gonna give it to you, whatever you want, lovie,” he promises.

The two had never used protection afterwards. It had start about seven months ago and from his knowledge she’d still been getting her periods regularly.

Occasionally, he would palm at her flat tummy and pout, “Haven’t put a baby in you yet, ‘ave I?”

He was so ecstatic but disappointed in himself for ruining everything and pleasing everyone other than who he should be.

Harry needed to fix this. He didn’t want Y/N to lose the excitement of having their baby over a dumb choice of his.

The man’s out of the room and not knocking before entering their guest room. His now pregnant love is laying on-top of the covers.

One hand subconsciously on her belly - which she removes and places next to her when her wife walks in.

The television was on but the volume was low and Y/N wasn’t watching it in the first place anyways.

Harry sits on the edge of the bed, “I opened the yellow bag.”

She looks at him with wide eyes, a little taken aback. she was going to surprise him tonight and forgot to store it away for another time after the fight.

Harry has happy tears dribbling down his cheeks, “you’re having my baby?”

Y/N nods, running a slight hand through his curls. She still had a nasty knot of anger and uncertainty in the pit of her stomach.

It pains her, wanting to share this moment of excitement with Harry but she just couldn’t. The uncertainty of whether Harry would put everybody’s needs before his own baby.

“Come back to bed, want t’talk and celebrate. M’so bloody excited,” Harry murmurs, a large smile decorating his face as he smooths a palm over the expanse of her tummy.

His wife shakes her head and places a hand over his, feeling the cold metal of all of them. “I want to be left alone.”

The twinkle in Harry’s eye diminishes to devastation as he realizes that he’s fucked up so badly that she doesn’t even want to celebrate.

“Pet, can...we just forget about it tonight and be happy ‘bout the baby?” Harry asks selfishly, knowing it was unlikely she’d agree.

She didn’t, a firm expression on her face, “no, I have a lot to think about.”

“Like wha’?” He asks anxiously, unknowing of quite the reason she was so furious.

“Like how you say yes to everything and everyone. We talk and talk about how you need to say ‘no’ and do what’s best for you - for us. You agree to and never follow through”

She takes a shaky breath and continues, “it’s affected our relationship before when you’ve had to cancel our vacation away from all this for a charity concert you’d agree to perform at last minute, dinner reservations because you told your friend we’d be at their art showing they wanted you at.”

Harry knew she was right. He did those things. He wanted everyone to be happy with him - to a fault.

“Tonight was just icing on the cake, you allowed your manager to talk you into hosting your ex on that show. Out of all the people in the world - her. With flirty questions and jabs from her. You let that happen. You care about making everyone happy but in return you don’t care how it affects me. That’s pretty shitty.”

“I’m...I’m really fucking scared you’ll do that even when we have the baby. I need you to put them first and right now...I’m not sure if you’re going to. You can’t put the person you want to spend the rest of your life with first now, how do I know you’ll do it with the baby?”

Harry chokes out a sob as he presses his forehead against the bed, his broad shoulders shaking. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried this hard - years ago maybe. He felt like his wife didn’t have any faith in him and he was to blame.

He looks up at her with swollen eyes - at a loss for what to do or say. He loved her so much and was over the moon that they were going to have a baby.

“How do I fix this, darling? You’re right, I really fucked up. M’sorry,” Harry cries, grabbing at her hands and she allows it.

“Just saying you’re sorry won’t fix it,” Y/N replies flatly, letting Harry squeeze and kiss at the backs of her hands.

“Then what do I bloody do to fix this?” Harry raises his voice in frustration, staring in bewilderment at his wife. 

Y/N narrows her eyes at him, “Do not raise your voice at me, Harry. Actions speak louder than words.”

Harry swallows harshly, pressing one finally kiss to her hand. “Okay.”

“Okay?” She repeats.

“I love you, I’ll fix this,” he promises with conviction. He knew what he needed to do and do it tomorrow. So he and his wife could enjoy her new pregnancy.

“I need space tonight, I just...please”Y/N says quietly, rubbing at his shoulder.

It wasn’t the first time they’ve slept in separate rooms because they weren’t getting along but they normally found their way back to each other before sunrise.

Harry nods, lip still tremble with the residual anxiety of the conversation. She allows him to press a soft kiss to her mouth before leaving the room.

—-

Cafe Habana was busy - but no one was paying much attention to Harry and Jeff. It was the morning after and Harry had demanded a meeting over breakfast with his manager.

“Y/N pregnant,” Harry states bluntly after their drinks arrive.

“Oh? Congratulations, dude. That’s exciting!” Jeff leans over to pat him on the shoulder, a big smile.

“The baby is due in September. My next tour starts in next July. The baby will be about nine months. I want to be at home with them for the first year.”

Jeff doesn’t look pleased, “what are you getting at Harry?”

“Reschedule the July and August tour dates. Tack them on to the end of the tour,” Harry lays out flat. 

He hadn’t talk to his wife about this but he knew this was how he could prove that he could say ‘no’ and not be a pushover.

“No Harry. Look I get you’re excited about the baby - but that will be such a fucking hassle,” Jeff frowns, sipping his mimosa.

“I’m not asking, Jeff. I’m telling you that’s what needs to happen,” Harry replies firmly, tone strong and unwavering.

Jeff is definitely taken aback by his client’s conviction. 

“While we’re on the topic, do not ever put me in a situation like you did yesterday. It affected my wife and I. And I will choose her over this career any day.”

The manager nods in surprise, “Harry, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not asking for an apology but if you ever pull something like then I’ll be looking for a new management team. Are we clear?” 

Jeff once again nods, unsure of where this is coming from but at the thought of losing his biggest client would be disastrous so he’d do whatever to accommodate him.

“Consider it done,” he tells Harry before clearing his throat in a slight panic.

—

Y/N woke up to an empty house. She was restless, she asked Harry to prove to her that he could be what she needed. However, it was a bit unfair because she didn’t know how he could do it.

It’s just…she had a baby to think about. They both needed to be put first and if it took a gnarly fight for Harry to realize it...so be it.

“Baby? Love, where are you?” She hears Harry echo through the whole house. She was sat in the kitchen, on a stool by the island, idly sorting through mail.

“In here!”

Harry jogs in, panting like he sprinted from the garage up to the kitchen. He comes to stand in front of the love of his life.

“I might have not completely fixed everything but...I tried,” Harry tells her, cradling her face in his large palms. “ I just got back from lunch with Jeff. I told him about the baby.”

He takes a deep breath before continuing, “I rescheduled tour dates so I can be with you guys at home in London for the first year. Then...maybe you guys can join me after?”

“Harry…” she’s at a loss for words.

“And I told Jeff that if he ever puts me in a situation like that again, I’m firing him.”

Y/N stares at him, in awe and admiration of the man she chose to marry and keep forever. His face was so sincere and vulnerable.

Harry didn’t know whether it would be enough. If it wasn’t he’d keep trying but all he could do was hope. He waited with bated breath as she processed his words.

“Baby, you-for me?” She murmurs as she stands up and crowds into his space. He instantly wraps her up into a tight hug, missing her touch.

“Of course, pet. I’d do anything for you, I mean it. I’d quit this whole career if you wanted tha’,” he tells her truthfully - lips brushing her forehead.

“I love you, so so much,” Y/N murmurs, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“We’re havin’ a baby,'' Harry sighs dreamily into her mouth, tongue sliding against hers. A large hand came to palm at her belly.

“Yeah, m‘having your baby,” She giggles as he begins to trail the kisses down her jaw and neck - pressing her into the marble countertop.

“Should we name it Kiwi?” Harry rasps as he slides the tank top strap off her shoulder so his lips can meet the cap of her warm shoulder.

“We are not going to be that celebrity couple who names their baby something weird,” Y/N groans as he grounds his hips into hers with intent.

THE END

[shadyteacup]

Hey sorry if you don’t take requests like this but could you write something about Dazai with a fem s/o or crush who keeps saying she hates herself and has very low self esteem like Atsushi and panic attacks sometimes? Again sorry if you don’t take these! If it’s uncomfortable for you it’s okay to not do it!!!

Hey, this is my first time writing something like this, but it's perfectly fine! There's always a first time for everything. Sorry this took so long.. it was slightly triggering, ngl, but I managed, so all's good :D

I kinda made it relevant to my own self.... I didn't know any other way to write this....

Love, know that you are more than enough, and that you deserve love, support and happiness!

Let Me Teach You, What Love Feels Like

Dazai x f!reader

Tw: panic attack, self doubt, self hate

You sat at your desk, trying to come up with something to write. You weren't exactly a writer, just someone who always liked to read and sometimes write. You were a student, but recently you had started your own blog, and turns out, people actually liked your work.

But you couldn't accept the fact that they liked it because you were a 'good writer'. You never doubted your followers, or their tastes, but you just weren't sure if you were actually good enough, or if they were just being kind to you, out of their goodness.

Thoughts like these always flooded your mind whenever you sat to write. Whenever you get any requests, you go over them a million times before posting anything, wanting it all to be perfect for your followers.

But you still thought that you could do better.

You stared at your phone screen, reading and re-reading the request that was sent to you.

You had an idea in your mind, but what if the person who sent this, wouldn't like it? What if they aren't satisfied with what you wrote? What if your effort isn't enough? What if they hate it? What if-

Your thoughts were interrupted by two arms draping themselves around your shoulders.

You jolted out of your spiraling thoughts, and let out a silent gasp.

Tufts of brown tickled your cheeks, as a chin placed itself on your head.

"Hey beautiful", a melodic voice spoke.

"Dazai! You scared the shit out of me!"

You wiggled out of his grasp, turning around to scowl at his handsome face.

He chuckled, booping your nose with his own.

"You look so cute when you're flustered, I can't help but pull such tricks on you ;)"

His cute smirk and light hazelnut orbs filled you with happiness. You loved him so much. He was a dork sometimes, but, alas, he was your dork.

"What are doing, love?", he asks, peering over your head to observe the blank page of your book, and the text on your phone.

"Just writing...", you say,"or atleast, I'm attempting to.."

Your far away look, and the doubt in your eyes instantly told him what you were going through. You were a lot like a certain subordinate of his, and it both pained and hurt him.

You always looked down at yourself. You never gave yourself enough credit. If something that you worked for was successful, you would give credit to the luck, or some stupid coincidence, or anybody else who had merely lent a helping hand. And when it didn't work out, you blamed yourself, calling yourself weak and inefficient. You would easily take the fall for all the misfortunes, and never pat your back for all the good you do. It frustrated him to no end. What should he do to make you realize that you're perfect the way you are? How can he convince you that you are more than enough, and that you are such an important and worthy person in not only his life, but everybody around you? You are capable of bringing a smile to everyone's faces, and your mere presence makes their day. How do you not see that?

When you wake up and look in the mirror, all you see are made up imperfections.

He remembers when you were staring at the mirror one morning, and he had asked you teasingly, "Are you checking yourself out?"

You had merely shaken your head, and replied with a,"There's nothing to check out..."

Before he could say something, you had begun talking.

"I'm not beautiful, Dazai. Look at me. My curves aren't quite right. At some places, they are non existent and at others, they're way too bulging. I'm not pretty, either. My eyes are way too huge, and my nose is slightly crooked. My hair isn't silky, and my height isn't ideal. I'm.... nothing of value..."

You turned to face him, with tears in your eyes.

"I... I don't know why you stay... You can do so much bett-"

He had cut you mid way with a kiss.

"You are the most beautiful person on the planet, Y/N."

You looked away, mumbling, "You just say that for the sake of it... You don't have to, you know..."

He cupped your cheek, looking you in the eyes.

"When you smile, my entire world lights up. That's because you are my world. Your curves are perfect. Your eyes aren't too huge, infact, they're the prettiest pair I have ever seen. The way they shine, and hold so much kindness, beauty and love; they make me fall for you over and over again. Your smile, and your gurgling laughter gives me a reason to live. You are my reason, Y/N. You are perfect."

You blushed. You wanted to believe him; the genuine look in his eyes, the soft smile on his lovely lips, and the gentle tone of his voice; it all made you want to believe him. But you couldn't bring yourself to do so. You couldn't give yourself any credit, and couldn't see the perfect, amazing parts of you that he saw. And he knew that. He could read it on your face. You were flustered by his words; he could see that. But he also saw the doubt. He saw the hesitance on your face.

So he did what he thought was best. He made love to you. He very passionately explained to you, all the best parts of you. He kissed every bit of skin, telling you just how much he adores every inch of you.

It did wonders to your confidence, too.

Now, instead of thinking that everybody hates you, you knew that atleast one person doesn't fully despise you, and that person was Dazai. Although it didn't quite work the way he wanted it to work, it still did something.

So he kept going, proving to you at every opportunity that you were perfect, and deserve all the love in this world.

Right now, staring at your doubtful eyes, he saw just how skeptical you were about your writing abilities.

He was going to change that.

"Say, Y/N, do you want a break?"

You tilt your head in consideration.

"I haven't even written a word yet..."

He smiled, saying,"Maybe your mind needs a refresher. Something to help unclog your thoughts."

He tugged on your wrist, beckoning you to follow him.

"Where are we going?"

He threw on his coat, helping you into yours.

"You'll see", he said, giving you a wink.

Walking down the lanes of Yokohama was one of your favorite pastimes.

Observing the people, the diverse culture and the beauty of the city filled you with content.

He took you to have your favorite ice-cream. The rich flavour and the way it melted on your tongue always made you feel happy.

"This is so yummy!!", you squealed, licking it.

Dazai chuckled ruffling your hair.

"Don't do that! It completely spoiles my look!", you say, trying to fix your hair.

"I love you so much..", he says, voice completely serious, his face adorning a charming but genuine smile.

You blush at the sincerity of his words, and smile.

Your little moment was interrupted by a furry ball running past your legs. The cat looked injured.

"Hey, hold onto this for a moment. I'll go check if that cat is hurt.", you say, handing your cone to Dazai.

He nods, as you begin running after it. He doesn't know why you care so much, but it's probably because of your big heart. Sighing, he begins walking in your direction slowly.

You try to catch up to the animal, turning a corner, and in the process, bumping into a small boy.

The ice-cream in his hands drops to the ground.

He looks at you, devastated and sad, and begins bawling his eyes out.

You try to apologize to him, promising to buy him a new one, but he just wouldn't stop crying. The loud noise of his cries and the exertion caused due to running made your breaths uneven. You tried to push it away, but you could feel your head pulsating with pain. A high pitched tone filled your ears. You tried to block the sound to get some relief, but to no avail. The intensity of the sound, the headache and the boys teary face made you drop to ground, and curl up against the wall.

'You are so useless. Whenever you try to help someone, you only end up ruining it. You always ruin things. Nothing you do is valuable. You cause so much pain to everyone around you. You can never make anyone happy. You are the cause of everybody's sadness. You are a disappointment. Pathetic, useless person.. Why are you even alive?'

Your thoughts were swallowing you. They were pulling you into a deep, dark hole, one that was draining your life out of you. You couldn't stop the shaking of your palms, your whole body trembled.

You didn't realize when the commotion stopped, or when or how the boy left the area, but you could hear a voice, a familiar voice, and you tried to hold onto it. You tried with your best efforts to clutch onto the one ray of light in the dark hole you were in. You used all your might and focused on those words. Slowly, you could make sense of them.

"Take deep breaths, Y/N. I'm here. Don't worry. Just focus on your breathing."

You did that. You tried to hear your own breaths.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

You were slowly crawling out of there, tuning out the thoughts that were trying to pull you in.

"Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in..."

You followed the voice, and felt the angry thoughts fade away.

Once you were almost in control of your mind, you tried to open your eyes, only a little bit. Through the tiny aperture, you saw soft brown orbs staring back at you. Dazai smiled at you, hesitantly raising his hand near your face. Silently asking for permission to touch you. You nuzzle your face in his palm. He slowly pulls you into a hug. Kissing your forehead, he picks you up, and begins walking home.

You snuggled against him, hiding your face in his chest, and closing your eyes.

He just wanted you to have a good time. He had messed up. But it's alright. As long as he was with you, he would help you get out of your spiraling thoughts. He would always be by your side. He would protect you, even if it meant from your own mind.

On reaching back home, he helped you change into comfortable clothes, and laid you on the bed, wrapping the comforter around your body to keep you warm. He made some soup and rice for you. He brought you a tall glass of water, too. He took complete care of you. He fed you the food, cooing you to have as much as possible. You needed the strength. You soon fell into a deep slumber, with his arms wrapped securely around your petite form.

Dazai held you close, and slowly rocked you. He observed your sleeping form, and felt so frustrated. He wanted to help you out of this, and he was trying his best to do so. He was taking small, baby steps, and they were working, too. But it was all too slow. He didn't want you to experience one more second of this. He wants you to never go through that again. But he knows that things like this take time. He's willing to sacrifice everything for you. He loves you, and will always love you, no matter what. He will not stop until you are free of the dark thoughts that plague your mind, and will, at every step, assure you that you deserve all the happiness and live in this world.

Because you matter to him. You mean the world to him. So he will hold you close, kiss your lips, and wipe your tears until you break free. He will walk through fire for you.

He looks down at your face, the way your eyes fluttered every now and then, and the way your rosy, delicate lips were slightly parted, the way a strand of your hair fell onto your face, and the way you looked so innocent and protected in his arms; it all made him love you even more.

He made a promise to you.

"I will always be there for you, my little lady. I will always love you, and will teach you to love yourself."

He kissed your forehead.

"I love you, my princess."

Sorry if this wasn't what you wanted! I tried my best...But do request again, if it isn't satisfactory!

[avasnotalee]

Hi! I was wondering if you could write something with Ladybug and Cat Noir, like possibly he accidentally gets tied up in her yo-yo thing and she takes advantage of the position. Thank you! <3

Oh my gosh im obsessed with this concept, thank you so much for submitting it! Im not the best writer but im going to give it a try!

if you ever have any requests, please send them- im forcing you to, you should take this as a threat

(also, here's some pics of chat noir simply because i'm obsessed 😁😁)

Word Count: 965

“Well look what the cat dragged in.” Chat Noir winked at Ladybug, as she soared onto a platform of the Eiffel Tower, Chat gazed at the sight as if she were in slow-motion. The cool breeze of the clear paris night flowed through her hair, and Chat Noir couldn't help but be mesmerized by everything about his lady.

“Kitty, im too tired to deal with your cat puns tonight.” Ladybug rolled her eyes, then smiled at her blonde partner, folding her arms.

“Seems like someones not feline it tonight.” The lovesick boy teased, causing the girl of his dreams to cringe once again.

“I just might have to put these horrible cat jokes to rest.” Smirked Ladybug, reaching for her yo-yo from her waist.

“I don’t think these jokes are ever gonna take a cat nap.” Chat then replied, whipping out his staff, getting ready to put up a strong fight.

The two teen heroes playfully battled all throughout the eiffel tower, so high they could practically touch the stars in the paris night, as they spit their bad cat jokes and puns back and forth at each other. Their laughter echoed with Ladybug doing all sorts of difficult acrobatics, and Chat Noir, doing his best to make himself appear strong without hurting her.

Chat Noir extended his staff playfully towards ladybug, causing her to whip out her yo-yo in attempt to grab his weapon. She was a little too powerful in her throw, and ended up messily wrapping chat to a portion of the tower. But the fight was far from over.

As Chat sat on the platform dumbfounded with his arms tied behind his back, this vulnerable position gave Ladybug an idea, sure enough to tease the crap out of Chat about his horrible cat puns.

“Well this seems like the purrfect opportunity to prove to you just how bad your cat puns really are.” Ladybug smirked, looking down at the terrified boy. “Last I remember, you're very ticklish. Isn't that right kitty?”

Chat Noirs faced reddened “Uh- I- no? wait.. what?”

Ladybug bent down to readjust the yo-yo’s restriction, pinning chats arms above his head, She was now face to face with her flustered partner, her bluebell eyes leveled with his emerald cat eyes. “What's wrong Chat Noir, cat got your tongue?

“N-no. I’m not t- uh… so you can just let me go and we can continue our cat fight.” Chat struggled against his tight restraints, only to remember that Ladybug’s yoyo is indestructible. unless by a cataclysm, which he couldn't perform with his hands above his head.

“Well then, this shouldn't be that claw-ful of a situation for you, so there shouldn't be a problem if I don't let you go.” Ladybugs devilish gleam made Chat Noir realize just what was about to happen.

Ladybug spidered her fingers just above Chats mid-section, making her partner already begin to desperately beg.

“No no no m’lady, theres no need for this-” Chat already started to blush and smile, and then the poor victim was struck.

The strong hero threw his head back in a fit of helpless laughter as Ladybug began to flutter her fast fingers up and down his torso, putting her focus mainly on his sides and his cute little belly button.

“I’d say there’s a slight paw-sibility that you are ticklish Kitty, but hush, you don't want to let that cat out of the bag to all of Paris. She teased, which definitely didn't help given Chats current place.

“Your cat puns are teheheherible” Chat managed to giggle out as he kicked his legs in front of him, only causing Ladybug to increase the speed of his torture.

“With the way I've got you laughing, I'd say you think theyre pretty hiss-terical.”

“They are nohohohohot NO-” Ladybug moved her spidering fingers up to Chat’s helpless underarms.

“PLEHEHEHEASE I CANT TAKE IT HAHAHA” Chat hopelessly squirmed, it was so hard for him to not be able to clasp his arms down as a defense.

“Oh really? because I could do this furr-ever.”

He was now speaking absolute nonsense through his adorable laughter, with his head shaking from left to right.

“Were not stopping this until you admit your cat jokes are paw-ful” Chat denied the offer through his playful torture.

“You're so stubborn Chat, but I know a way I could possibly purr-suade you. But I’m not that mean, so I’ll give you 30 seconds to say any last words.” Ladybug let up were wiggling fingers, leaving Chat Noir still giggling from the phantom tickles.

“I whahahat- I- I-”

“Youre so pathetic kitty, you're supposed to be a superhero! All I have to do is raise my hands above you and you'd literally fall to the floor.” Ladybug giggled, teasing her mess of a partner.

“This isn't fair, you know I can't take it.”

“That's exactly why I took advantage of this opportunity, to make you realize how cringy your cat puns are.”

“They are not cringy, you just don’t have a sense of humor!” Chat accused

“But I know exactly how to get you laughing!”

Ladybug then began to gently knead Chat’s defenseless hips, making him throw his head back into absolute hysterics.

He howled and bucked to try and pry Ladybug off of his death spot, all without success. This went on for what he thought was eternity. And im sure his unconcealable laughter did wake all of paris.

“IHIHIHIM GONNA DIHIHIHIE!” Chat practically screamed, unable to take it much longer.

“Good thing cats have nine lives.” Ladybug winked.

As Chat Noir’s laughter began to go silent with tears streaming down his cheeks, Ladybug knew it was time to let up on the poor hero.

“Your jokes are still bad.”

“I-Im sohoho getting you back f-for this m’lady.”

[rodeoxqueen]

Stuck Thinking Of You-Vergil/Reader

TheLastCrusader Requested: Dante or Vergil gets immobilized in some embarrassing or inconvenient way during a job and then (Y/N) pays them company until they can be freed. How about they have a crush on (Y/N) and they don't know it is returned until the end?

Dante’s Version:https://rodeoxqueen.tumblr.com/post/638040898096201728/stuck-thinking-about-you-dantereader

Read Both Versions on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28187496

Warnings: Fluff, Romantic Comedy, Taking Care of The Twins, Vulnerability, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Characters Call Out The Writer for Her Lazy Writing

One Way To Dante's Heart Is His Stomach. For His Brother, It Is Not As Simple.

Slicing through groups of demons while twirling in the air, Vergil obliterated his enemies. He landed deftly onto the blood-soaked ground. His brother Dante had shot through another horde himself. 

After minimal time spent fighting, the infamous duo already prepared themselves to go home, a job well done. 

“You should join a circus for how much spinning and jumping you do.” Dante quipped. Vergil raised a brow. 

“With a face as hideous as yours, you would be an excellent freak show exhibit.” The elder twin snarled. 

Dante laughed, hands on his hips. 

“Oh please, I’m the prettier twin. My hairline hasn’t flinched, unlike yours.” Vergil stilled. 

“I’ll have you know-” Dante saw a demon Vergil had sliced into slowly raising its tail. It was spiked with various deadly purple needles swishing about. Disemboweled yet still alive, it hissed and whipped its tail. A whistle rang through the air as foot-long spikes flew through the air. 

“-Look out!” Dante quickly shot the demon, its head caving in like a rotten pumpkin. Vergil dodged the dart-like appendages, a mildly displeased look on his face. 

“You’re getting sloppy, Vergil.” Dante teased, shaking his coat of any poisonous darts. 

“If you weren’t so exhausting to deal with, I’d-” Vergil suddenly tensed and fell to the ground. He landed knees first before his torso and head slid onto the earth. Dante let out a breath, and then he wheezed out a laugh. 

“Oh my god, Vergil!” Vergil attempted to move from his embarrassing position, face down and rear pointed to the sky. 

“What on earth? I cannot move.” He felt numb as if he had lost control of his form. Had he missed a dart? 

Dante came around his brother’s kneeled over position. Right on his posterior, had a stray dart pierced him. 

“Poor Vergil, as if a stick up your ass wasn’t enough.” Vergil’s sounds of struggle were fruitless as his form was dumbly paralyzed. 

“Don’t you dare say it-” 

“jAcKpOt!” Dante wheezed and held onto his sword to prevent him from falling over and crying with laughter. 

“Help me at once, you oaf!” Vergil exclaimed. Dante wiped away tears of joy. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.” He vanished The Rebellion and gently kicked his brother to the side. Vergil landed on the dirt looking like he was in a fetal position. Dante continued laughing the whole way down the mountain, carrying Vergil over his shoulder. 

“This is incredibly undignified.” Vergil snarled. 

“Wait till (Y/N) finds out you got shot in the ass-” 

“You will do no such thing!” Vergil exclaimed. 

You were on the couch, reading a book when Dante kicked the door down. 

“Guess whaaaat!” He yelled, holding Vergil over his shoulder. He marched his way over to the beat-up sofa, gesturing for you to move over. You scooched to the end, Vergil was tossed onto the cushions. 

“Vergil, are you alright?” You asked, seeing how he refused to make eye contact with you. 

“Big brother here got jabbed by some demon. He’s not dead yet so I doubt it’s that bad.” 

Dante reached into his pocket, steadily taking out the needle that he took out of Vergil’s behind. 

He threw it like a toy dart and it landed on his desk. 

Vergil remained silent, simply biding his time before he could forget about his embarrassing ordeal. 

“Wouldn’t he be more comfortable in his room?” You asked, knowing Vergil always took to his room after a mission. Despite your many attempts to make conversation, he was quick to leave before any talk could be initiated. 

“Nah, I need you to keep an eye on him. I’m going to do whatever I want now that he can’t stop me.” 

“If you are going out and gorging yourself on those unhealthy sundaes again-” 

Dante made an evil laugh as he ran out of the shop. 

Vergil sighed. This was terrible. He watched as you examined the needle, opening your computer and a few books. 

Half an hour passed of pure silence, you flipping through books and seeing what on earth caused Vergil to stiffen up like a corpse. 

“Vergil, are you alright?” You asked again, seeing how still he was. 

“What does it look like?” He snapped. 

You raised an eyebrow at him. He sighed again. 

“My apologies. I am not very comfortable trapped in my own body.” You nodded. 

“Well, it says here that the demon that poisoned you could kill men in a second upon injection.” 

“Joy.” Vergil deadpanned. You chuckled at his expression. Vergil softened at your laughter. 

“Since you’re still alive, I’m guessing your demon side is working really hard to get all that toxic stuff out of you.” 

“The blood of Sparda will not wane to a petty demon.” He said lowly.

It wasn’t for an hour until Vergil felt his form begin to feel sensation. His hands barely twitched despite the sweat he built up from trying to move. 

Your demon side..

Vergil remembered your comment. A spark of genius hit him. If he devil triggered, he might be able to metabolize the toxins faster. He willed it within himself, grunting and trying to trigger. 

He could feel his senses slightly amplify as if his triggering process was truly forcing the poison out. Suddenly, the warm surge of his blood flowing became known to him. Yes! This was working. 

With more heaving and straining, he felt his arms slowly loosen from his sides and his legs straighten out. 

“Uhhh. Vergil?” Distracted, he felt his muscles tense again and as a final resort, his reflexes rolled him off the couch. The back of his head flared out in pain as he hit the floor.  He laid on the ground, a defeated blue devil. It was pathetic, he couldn’t even trigger his scales to come out. Grumbling, he noticed you standing near him, looking down with concern. 

“Do you need help?”

"It appears that I am stuck."

"Do you want some help?"

"I don't want your help, I’m fine."

"All right, then.”

"...."

“Are you sure you don’t want to be moved?” Vergil sighed and closed his eyes. 

"That..would be preferable.” 

You rolled up your sleeves, ready to lift him up. He smirked. 

“You should have just said so, silly!” You grin as you place your hand on his back and the pit of his knees. 

“I’m afraid I am not that light, surely lifting me would-” He stopped as you literally bridal carried him. 

“-be toiling…..” He flushed at close proximity of you. 

“How are you this strong?” He blurted. 

“The writer wanted to have a reverse damsel in distress scene. I will never exhibit this strength in future plot lines.” You said sweetly, looking at him with a smile. 

Vergil stopped, staring at your face. Although he was stone-faced as usual, his eyes drank in your wonderful features. It took him a minute to realize you had said something. 

“What did you just say?” 

“Hmm? Oh, I was asking if you wanted to be sitting up or on your side.” 

“..Sitting upright would be fine.” 

You placed him on the sofa again. 

“Is there anything you want while you’re in this situation?” Vergil tried to shrug. 

“It’s fine. I will abide by my time.” 

“You don’t have to be bored, I can play something if you want.” 

“Such as what?” You pointed to your computer. 

“I have an audiobook subscription. If you like, I can play some William Blake poetry.” Vergil raised a brow. He had never been an avid user of technology. If he were to hear any recited poetry it’d be from his own whispers. 

“You also read Blake’s works?” 

“I know you do.” Oh, you thoughtful little sparrow. 

“That would be alright with me.” You were quick to type away on your computer to find a recording. Soon, a male voice permeated the air, reading off verses robotically. 

It was a bit of an awkward moment, Vergil’s continued stone face and you observed it gravely. The recording ended shortly as you paused it. 

“You don’t seem to like it.” 

“Poetry should be spoken, not read off of like an instructions’ manual.”

“How would you do it then?” Vergil took his chance. You were not keen on working now, focused on him instead. 

“My book. It’s in my room. Retrieve it and I shall demonstrate myself.” He teased, a ghost of a grin upon his face. Damn this paralysis. 

You left, rounding up the stairs. 

You entered his room, making sure not to knock anything over. Not that you really could, the room was pristine. You easily saw the brown leather book on the dresser. The leather was well-worn and soft to the touch, a single page dog-eared. 

“So, you’re Mr. Poetry, huh?” You teased as you went down the stairs. 

“The one and only.” Vergil did not miss the old reference to Griffon, the dear bird you cried over. 

You made your way to the couch, sitting on the arm of the sofa. 

“Now which page?” You asked. Vergil stared at you.

“Just start from the beginning.” You obediently flipped to the first page. 

“So do you want to read it?” 

“How am I supposed to hold it up?” Vergil smirked at your sputters. 

“I keep forgetting!” You made your way over to him, choosing to sit on the floor by him. 

He cleared his throat. 

“I was angry with my friend:

I told my wrath, my wrath did end.

I was angry with my foe:

I told it not, my wrath did grow

And I watered it in fears,

Night and morning with my tears;

And I sunned it with smiles,

And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,

Till it bore an apple bright.

And my foe beheld it shine.

And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole

When the night had veiled the pole;

In the morning glad I see

My foe outstretched beneath the tree.” 

Vergil’s voice had a timber, soothing lowness to his usually raspy tone. He was in the zone, eyes blank as he had read this millions of times. 

“It’s a nice poem. It’s a bit brutal though.” You commented. 

“It is.” 

This went on for some time, Vergil reciting while you observed and turned the pages for him. You stopped between to grab yourself and Vergil some water, giving him a blue bendy straw. As the clock hands went around, soon one voice grew the soft company of another. The crest and the trough of tones had embraced, two speakers and one poem. Eventually, you met the unique page from before. 

“The Garden of Love

I went to the Garden of Love.

And saw what I never had seen:

A Chapel was built in the midst,

Where I used to play on the green.

And the gates of this Chapel were shut,

And Thou shalt not, writ over the door;

So I turn’d to the Garden of Love,

That so many sweet flowers bore,

And I saw it was filled with graves,

And tomb-stones where flowers should be:

And priests in black gowns, were walking their rounds,

And binding with briars, my joys ; desires.” 

You tried to copy Vergil, reading off of the page, and avoiding stuttering. The observer shakily held the harp of their own vocal cords, the previous strummer lounging and watching the words take flight above his blue-eyed gaze like flittering sparrows. 

By the time you were finished with the last verse, you turned to see that Vergil’s eyes were directed at you. It’s too bad you didn’t know they were upon you for some time. You gently grazed the dog-eared page. 

“Why did you mark this page?” 

“It is a poem that reminds me of another.” You were slightly puzzled but smiled nonetheless. 

“Well, they’re very lucky to be beheld, I guess.” Vergil stared at you, his eyes bewitched to your profile. With the slope of your face, Vergil swore even the most wonderful sculptors could not capture you to your truest attractiveness. 

“I am luckier to have been in their company for the last few hours.” He rasped. You turned your face, a privilege Vergil wished he could have, to prevent from seeing a negative reaction from you. 

“Me?” You softly said. The book was forgotten, landing on Vergil’s chest. 

“I understand I do not speak to you as much as I wish. I am not as socially affable as my brother. But I do share my affections upon you, in words not of my own. In my most vulnerable, I find cherished company with you.” 

You were quiet. 

“If that’s not the case with you, I am in complete understanding. You are a kind person. You would do the same for my brother if he was in the same situation. I do not wish for this to be ill to our cooperation in this business-” 

“Say less.” You giggled, putting your finger on his lips to shush him. Vergil scrunched his nose as his ears turned red, had he said too much? Had he made a fool of himself? 

Instead, he had seen the color of pink, a shade even the finest roses could not bloom to, appear upon the apples of your cheeks. 

“I like you too, Vergil. I didn’t do all that for you to just be nice. I like getting to know you.” Despite his numbness, his heartbeat in his chest felt like the rain of an angry storm against the earth.

His chapped lips found the capacity to move. 

“Perhaps, when this wretched poison leaves my form, we may find time to do this again.” 

“I’d like that too.” Your eyes squinting with a diamond grin, Vergil made a noise of contentment. 

“It is a day I look forward to-“

“I had so much ice cream today!” Dante yelled as he walked into the shop again. 

“Whoops, you guys look like you were having a nice moment.” Dante winked at Vergil, who growled. 

“Oh hey, Dante!” 

Dante waved at you. 

“I got you guys some dinner since I know (Y/N)’s tired of dealing with shithead here. Vergil couldn’t cook for shit even when he was able-bodied.” 

“I can boil an egg.” Vergil bit back. Dante handed you some Asian takeout, still warm. 

“Don’t worry Verg, I’ll blend yours so you can drink it.” 

“It’s fine, I can help him.” You winked at Dante who waggled his eyebrows. 

The evening ended fairly well. You fed Vergil bits of vegetables and noodles while Dante read his questionable magazines. It was much too late to be going back home, so Dante threw you some blankets and pillows to stay the night. 

Although Vergil offered you his room to rest in, you shook your head. 

“Who’s going to keep you company?” Dante wolf-whistled before retreating to his room upstairs. 

“Leave us!” Vergil exclaimed. You laughed again. 

You turned off the lights and dodged random objects lying around in the dark. You found the familiar softness of pillows and your makeshift bed. 

Vergil fell asleep, feeling wanted. It was a warm sensation that spread to even his fingers, soft and supple. 

He didn’t even notice his hand had come loose and drifted to trace your cheek in both your slumbers. 

[impalementation]

Do you think the trio were good as villains? (As foils, as obstacles etc) I know people tend to dislike them in general

Anonymous asked:

Why do you think “the trio” make sense as the antagonist of season 6?

i’m combining these two asks together, since they’re both about the trio.

i love the trio as villains. they might even be my favorite villains in the whole show. angelus and glory are both classic, and easily my favorites after, but the trio just get under my skin—much like season six in general—in a way those classic villains don’t. adding a cut for length.

i think a lot of what i like about them was covered in these two excellent posts by @comradesummers, so i’ll probably end up repeating some of what she said. i’ve also talked about the trio before myself, so there’s a good chance i’m repeating my own past posts as well.

but to put things in my own, new words. the reason i love the trio is because of how many levels they operate on, and how interesting those levels are.

on one level, the mundane nature of the trio and their villainy parallels the depressing, irritating banality of adult, real-life problems that the season spends so much time exploring. it’s very deliberate that after a season in which buffy defeated a god, she finds herself antagonized by a cringey trio of boys her age. the writing emphasizes the lameness of the trio enough times that you know this choice was on purpose.

scenes like:

BUFFY: I'm just saying, all the things that have happened lately? Okay, the, the bank robbery, the jewelry heist... XANDER: The exploding lint. BUFFY: I-is it me, or do these things seem really- ANYA: Lame? BUFFY: (shrugs) Well, I was gonna go with unusual, but, yeah.

or:

DOCTOR: Buffy, you used to create these grand villains to battle against, and now what is it? Just ordinary students you went to high school with. No gods or monsters...just three pathetic little men...who like playing with toys.

the fact that buffy dismisses the trio, but eventually finds herself in danger of them, echoes the way that she struggles to “defeat” the problems of adulthood that she thinks she should be able to handle. as she says in “flooded”:

BUFFY: Okay, it's, it's bills, it's money. It's pieces of paper sent by bureaucrats that we've never even met. It's not like it's the end of the world. (she thinks about that for a moment) Which is too bad, you know, 'cause that, I'm really good at.

the fact that the trio is so “ordinary” and “lame” adds to that season six feeling of having been rudely brought to earth. of the magic of childhood being left behind, and having to deal with problems you can’t build a myth around. there’s just something so real and brilliant to me about how wrong it feels that these are buffy’s antagonists. because of how well it evokes that wrong feeling of: this is what adulthood is? these are the problems i have to deal with? it seems so easy, so why is it so hard?

the second level of the trio relates to the first level, in that they represent the mundane dangers of real-life misogyny. season six is all about making the metaphorical literal (ironically, as a metaphor for how the transition from childhood to adulthood can feel), and so there’s something very fitting that in a show that has spent a lot of time creating horror from metaphorical, supernatural misogyny—it suddenly becomes literal. no more swim team jocks becoming rapacious fish monsters, no more frat boys sacrificing girls to a snake demon, no more vampires cornering victims in dark alleys. and okay, the trio is still doing spells and such. but besides that, everything about them is so normal it becomes disturbing. they are simply boys who feel disempowered in their own lives, and think this entitles them to play with other people, particularly women, because they barely see those women as people in the first place.

there is also something crucial to the fact that the trio are the villains that are most like the writers, and who the writers probably conceived of as their audience. it’s on record that many of the nerd debates that the trio have were lifted directly from debates the writers would have amongst themselves. the writers were also on fan boards, and well aware of the fact that their show was popular with very nerdy people. which means that when they made nerdish avoidance and entitlement a villain in season six, it was another way of bringing the show to earth. by making the trio into some of the show’s mostly subtly, yet acutely, horrifying antagonists there is an implication that: misogyny and wrongdoing is not something that only oafish athletes and distant authorities are capable of. it is something that anyone can be complicit in.

which is also why the third level of the trio, the fact that they act as mirrors of all of the other characters, works so well. because season six is when the show makes some of its most beloved characters do very bad things. the protagonists become aware, just as the audience does, of their potential for complicity in evil. and i think this is a very very important aspect of becoming an adult for the show to capture. to me, becoming an adult means becoming responsible for yourself and your moral choices in a way you aren’t quite, when you’re younger. bad choices are a bit cuter when you’re younger, a bit more forgivable. you’re growing, right? but at a certain point that stops working, and you need to own your choices. and that means being able to recognize that you’re capable of being the villain, so that you can choose differently.

so over the course of season six, all of the characters get tempted by irresponsible and easy ways out. sometimes they give in, and sometimes they don’t. but no matter what, the trio is there to help frame the actions of the protagonists. so for example, while the trio robs banks and steals diamonds, buffy takes a difficult job, and doesn’t take advantage of the opportunity to blackmail the doublemeat palace. or the fact that buffy is giddy at being turned invisible in “gone” is framed as troubling in part because the trio are giddy at the idea of invisibility as well. and of course: willow, spike, and buffy, and how they behave in intimate relationships, all get paralleled with warren and the trio. what tara says to willow in “tabula rasa” for example, is much like what katrina says to the trio in “dead things.” (TARA: “violate my mind like that? how could you willow? how could you after what glory did to me?” WILLOW “violate you? i…i-i didn’t mean anything like that, i-i just wanted us to not fight anymore” / WARREN: “i just, i wanted us to be together” […] KATRINA: “well this is not some fantasy, it’s not a game you freaks! it’s rape” JONATHAN: “what?” ANDREW”: “no..we didn’t…”). or buffy’s “tell me you love me” exchange with spike in “as you were” is almost word for word what warren says to the mindwiped katrina in “dead things.” and of course, there’s the fact that spike and warren both assault the woman that they claim to care about in an attempt to get them back.

does this mean that all of our protagonists are irredeemably evil? of course not. the reason that warren ends the season flayed and burnt alive is because he repeatedly commits to doing the wrong thing. while the scoobies and spike don’t, because as flawed as they are, they still ultimately try to make better decisions. but it doesn’t mean that they’re not capable of harm. and specifically, the kind of harm that comes from not seeing oneself as truly capable of it. spike thinks he doesn’t hurt buffy, willow thinks she’s just trying to fix things, jonathan and andrew think they’re living out a comic book. this is why i also love how the season lulls you into a sense of complacency with the trio. you think the show might be playing their hijinks straight, and validating their less-than-savory plans as funny, until “dead things” pulls the rug out from under the season and shows what the writing has been doing with them all along. that wake-up slap of katrina saying “rape” is like the slap of willow’s breakdown in “wrecked” or xander leaving anya or warren shooting tara, or—and this takes us back to the central metaphor of the season—buffy being brought back from heaven. that slap of “childhood is over, it’s time to be responsible now, and it turns out you’re fucking up at it.”

this honestly is just the surface of what i could talk about with the trio, and it’s already long enough as is. and when a villain has that much thematic richness in it, i just can’t help but love it.

[fantasyandromancelover]

Shrek AU

This is another story idea I’m giving up because again I can’t write this for certain writers. Please let me know if there any writers who would write this.

The story takes place on earth instead of hell and demons are naturally born that way they are instead of just being human sinners in a past life. Same applies to angels and imps.

Alastor is a natural born demon who as a boy lived peacefully with his mother. Neither one of them ever harmed anyone but because they’re demons society is either feared or disgusted by them. When he’s still a child an angry mob kills his mother and he’s forced to run away from his home. He wanders around for sometime, looking for a new home and receives kindness from no one which he cannot understand. Then one day when a little girl attempts to show him a little compassion and befriend him, she is pulled away by her father who then shoos him off. When he tries to return something she dropped he overhears her father telling the girl that demons will always be hated, be seen as monsters, and that they will never ever be loved.

This causes Alastor to become reclusive and grow up to behave exactly how the people see him. Mean, dangerous, blood thirsty, and terrifying. He settles into a forest which is rumored to be haunted and remains there alone for the rest of his childhood. As an adult he fits the entire stereotype of a demon to a T however some of his real self does stay with him such as being a good cook and having a love of literature and the arts. Despite being alone he seems content until he ends up accidentally saving Angel Dust a spider demon who won’t leave him alone much to his irritation which is furthered when a bunch of other demons, imps, and angels are exiled to his forest.

He learns from them that they were banished here my Vox a human and ambitious regent who harbors hatred for all non human beings. After begging and pleading they finally convince Alastor to somehow convince Vox to let them return to their homes and he reluctantly brings Angel along because he has no idea where Vox lives. Vox at the moment is seeking to expand his reign and gain control of the kingdom of King Lucifer and Queen Lilith but to that he would have to marry thir daughter and only child Princess Charlotte “Charlie” who years ago was locked away in a heavily secured tower and guarded by her appointed guardian the moth demon Vagatha “Vaggie.” Vox being a pathetic cowardly type decides to send someone to retrieve her.

When he hears about Alastor’s reputation he decides to send him to rescue Charlie in exchange for having the forest cleared up. Alastor and Angel Dust end up rescuing the seemingly human Princess Charlie but she’s applaud to find that her rescuer is a demon but she ends up going with them when he carries her off by force. When it gets late Charlie insists that they stop for camp and that she have a private area to sleep in. Though suspicious of why she makes these requests, they comply just to keep her from going off.

Alastor acts like Charlie’s treatment doesn’t bother him and says that he’s used to it but at night Angel Dust finally gets him to confess his past with humans and how they killed his mother, terrorized him throughout his childhood, and have always judged him before they even knew him. Charlie over hears this and she feels terrible about how she treated him. In the morning Charlie completely changed her attitude and starts to behave friendly like to the boys much to their confusion.

When they start their journey they encounter exorcists who attempt to kill Alastor and Angel Dust but Charlie having been trained in hand to hand combat manages to knock them all out which impresses Alastor and the two start to develop an attraction as she tries to remove a blessed blade from Alastor’s side. Later they both discover that they both suffered through sad childhoods and as they try to explain which one of them had the worst Alastor let’s it slip that only one person ever showed him kindness was that little girl who dropped something that he’s kept with him all these years. Charlie recognizes Alastor’s keepsake and reveals to him that she was that little girl which shocks all three of them. Continuing on to Vox’s kingdom, Alastor and Charlie discover that they have a lot more in common than they realize, sharing a passion for literature and the arts and soon they fall in love which doesn’t go unnoticed by Angel Dust.

At night when Charlie goes off somewhere to sleep alone, Angel attempts to get Alastor to confess how he feels to which he denies his feelings. So then Angel tries to get Charlie to confess but discovers that she has changed into a demon. She tearfully reveals to him that her father King Lucifer was once a demon but he took a potion that changed him into a human so he could marry her human mother Lilith. But the potion’s effects couldn’t change Lucifer’s demonic blood so Charlie was born half human half demon. By day she was human but by night she was a demon and she would remain that way until she finds true love’s first kiss. She also reveals that her father was so desperate to keep anyone from finding out that he was once a demon that he had her locked away in that tower as a child.

As they talk Alastor decides to tell Charlie he loves her but over hears their conversation. He hears Charlie refer to someone as “A hideous freak of nature that no one could ever love.” And assumes she’s talking about him, he’s hurt and storms off. Angel tries to convince her to tell Alastor the truth about herself and how she really feels but she refuses thinking that no one could ever accept her and has Angel swear the whole thing to secrecy. In the morning when Charlie is human again she changes her mind and tries to talk to Alastor but he refuses to speak to her due to his misunderstood feelings.

Vox arrives and proposes to Charlie. Though she does not like him she accepts due to her desperation to break the curse and requests that they marry before sunset. Alastor then leaves Angel but not before cruelly and unjustifiably telling him off and returns to his forest which has now been cleared out. Despite getting what they “Always wanted” both Alastor and Charlie are miserable and heartbroken. Angel having had enough of Alastor’s stubbornness angrily confronts him and manages to talk some sense into him by telling him that Charlie wasn’t referring to him as the unloveable freak of nature. The two make up and with help from Vaggie who Angel befriended (or romancized which ever direction the author wants to go with.) The three of them manage to jack a vehicle (Vaggie knocks out the driver) and go down to where the wedding is being held.

Alastor interrupts the wedding before Vox and Charlie can kiss and apologizes to her. He tries to confess but gets a little tongue tied however it’s obvious how he feels to everyone and Vox cruelly mocks Alastor for his feelings. Torn between true love and breaking the curse Charlie is stuck. When the sun sets she reveals her secret to Alastor and turns into a demon in front of everyone which causes a surprised Alastor to understand what he overheard. Outraged and disgusted by the both of them Vox orders Alastor to be killed and Charlie to be locked back in the tower. However he is killed by Vaggie and Angel but they don’t suffer any consequences because no one liked Vox to begin with. Alastor and Charlie profess their love and share a kiss, which lifts the curse curse. Charlie assumes “love’s true form” as the curse predicted and remains a demon permanently. No longer believing she is beautiful, Charlie is consoled by Alastor, who tells her she always has been. They get married in the forest surrounded by all the demons, imps, and angels and leave on their honeymoon.

[stellaluna33]

The Phone Call

A preview of what’s coming next in my Gilmore fic The Long And Winding Road, as a phone conversation between Jess and Luke. (You now know more than Rory will in the next chapter... No one knows this except Jess and Luke... and you.)

"Hello?"

"Hey, Luke."

"Jess.  How's it going?"

"Oh, you know.  Just fine.  You still in Nantucket?"

"Yeah.  Rory and Richie came with, as you probably know.  But we also have a, let's say, 'surprise' visitor up here today."

"Reeeeally.  Who's that?"

"Oh, none other than the great Logan Huntzberger himself, who finally deigned to see his son because he could pass it off as a polite visit to a family friend while he was 'in the area.'"

"Jeez.  He still hasn't told anyone, has he?"

"Apparently not.  Claims he's 'waiting for the right moment,' or some kinda bullsh**."

"Bastard."

"You're tellin' me.  But why'd you call?  You don't usually call this time of day."

"Yeah.  Well, I, uh… I got some news today."

"Oh yeah?  What's that?"

"So, I don't know if you remember me talking about that writer's residency program in Argentina last year?"

"Oh yeah, weren't you thinking about applying for that?"

"Yeah.  I did apply for it, actually.  There was a pretty long waiting list, though."

"Oh, I see.  So, d'you hear something about that?"

"Yeah.  Today, actually.  I, uh… I got in."

"Jess, that is fantastic news!  Good for you.  That's a really great opportunity for you."

"Yeah.  Yeah, it is.  I, uh… just… I'm not sure if I wanna take it."

"What?!!  Jess, you can't be serious!  You've been wanting to do something like this for God knows how long!  And now you've got this opportunity and you're just going to let it pass you by?"

"I don't know, it's just… I don't know if it's a good time for me to be leaving the country right now."

"What, you got something goin' on at work?"

"No...  No, it's not that, it's…  I don't know."

"Well?  What is it?  What's stopping you?"

"I just… part of me thinks that I should be here, right now.  In case… you know, in case a... friend might need me."

"In case a friend might-  Oh jeez. Jess.  Tell me you're not talking about Rory."

Jess took a deep breath and then exhaled heavily through his nose.

"Are you serious?!  Jess!  You told me you were over that!  Long over, if I remember it correctly."

"Yeah, well, I was over it!  At least, I thought I was…"

"Oh, Jess."

"I know!  I know.  I'm pathetic.  I swore I would never end up like you, and yet here I am."

"Hey!  Things didn't turn out so bad for me in the end, you know."

"I know.  You're right.  I'm worse.  I already had my chance with Rory, and I screwed it up so badly that she wishes our entire relationship had never happened."

"Jess, you were just a kid. I'm sure that's not true."

"Oh no?  Well, sorry to disappoint you, but that's exactly the way she remembers it."

"Ah jeez.  She put that in that book she's writing?"

"Yup."

"And you've been reading over it, right?"

"Yup."

"Well, sh**.  I'm sorry, Jess."

"Yeah, well, it is what it is, and it's my own damned fault, so I don't really have the right to be put out about it."

"Well, ok, but… that being the case, don't you think it's time to let this go?"

"Past time.  But that's the worst part… I've tried.  G-d, I've tried.  And I thought I was mostly ok with it, you know?  There's been occasional relapses of… regret or… moments when I've wished things could've turned out differently, but… I haven't been hoping for anything.  I've been trying to move on.  I've had relationships."

"You only went on, like, two dates with that last girl, what was her name?"

"Sylvia?"

"Yes, Sylvia!  But two dates, Jess!  You give up that quickly and you call that trying?"

"That's what I'm getting to, though.  This year has been… different.  It wasn't so bad when I only saw her for a few minutes every couple years or so, but between the wedding and the book and everything that's been going on with her lately, Rory and I have been talking all the time, and I just… I still like her more than any other woman I've ever met, Luke.  And I told myself that she hasn't wanted me for over a decade now.  She made her feelings abundantly clear, and I have offered myself up like an idiot over and over and over again, just on the off chance that she might have changed her mind, and she has turned me down every single time.  I mean, how many times does she need to say it before I get a clue?  'No means no,' right?  I'm done.  I'm not doing that again.  So, I guess we're friends now.  She really likes me as a friend, she says, so I'll be her friend and be grateful I get to spend time with her at all.  And I'm doing my best to be ok with that.  So I finally asked Sylvia out, and it was nice.  She's beautiful and interesting, and maybe it coulda gone somewhere… but then you had to go and tell Rory about it.  And she got weird, man.  She called me up, and she was comparing me to Mr. Darcy, and-"

"Am I supposed to know who the hell that is?"

"Are you serious?  You've lived with Lorelai for, what, ten years now, and she hasn't tied you down and made you watch all six f***ing hours of that BBC monstrosity?  Pride and Prejudice?  Jane Austen?  Lorelai going on and on about Colin Firth emerging from a lake in a wet shirt and breeches?  Ring any bells?"

"Ah, maybe.  I think I fell asleep about five minutes in."

"Of course you did.  Well, all you need to know is that he's the romantic hero of the story, but he's a complete ass for like, two thirds of the book, which is obviously where the resemblance lies.  So she's on a roll with that, and hey, I deserve it, but then she throws in the fact that he changes and fixes everything and the heroine can't help falling in love with him in the end.  And what the hell am I supposed to do with that?  Because last I knew, we were talking about me, and that would imply that… I don't know.  All I know is that she got all flustered and started grilling me about my date with Sylvia, that you told her about, thanks so much, and then she starts going on about how she hopes I'll be very happy and how I deserve to be happy and I deserve to be with 'someone who has her life together.'  And then she started crying and frickin' hung up on me!"

"Huh."

"Yeah!  So, that whole thing kinda threw me, and all of a sudden, I'm not so sure where I stand anymore.  I mean, am I crazy?  Is that a normal reaction to hearing that a friend is seeing someone?"

"I don't know, Jess.  It's weird, I'll give you that… but who knows, with pregnant women…"

"Well, yeah, there's that, too… But I went out with Sylvia again, because I was trying, you know?  I owed it to myself and to her to give it an honest shot, but… I couldn't… I couldn't stop thinking about that phone call, Luke.  I couldn't stop thinking about her.  Because what if this was finally, finally a chance after all these years, and could I really just let that slip away?  Could I start a relationship with someone else, knowing that I might be throwing away a shot with Rory?  And I've been saying that there wasn't any chemistry with Sylvia and me, but the truth is, I know that's all on me.  It was awkward because of me, because I was distracted and I was distant and I wasn't sure I wanted to be there.  And Sylvia deserves better than that.  It was better to end it before anybody got hurt."

"Ah, jeez, Jess."

"It's true.  I'll go ahead and say it:  I sabotaged my own attempt at having a happy relationship because I'm still hung up on my highschool girlfriend.  And there it is.  I'm such a pathetic loser."

"You're not a loser, Jess.  You've come a long way.  But she's got a baby now."

"I know that.  And even if she has changed her mind about me, the timing is so bad...  She needs me to be a friend she can depend on right now.  The last thing she needs is the stress of fending off yet more unwanted advances from her crazy ex-boyfriend who can't take no for an answer.  And I can't go there again, I just can't.  So, I'm stuck in this no-man's-land."

"So how is all this stopping you from going to Argentina?  Maybe a few months away from all this would be good for you."

"Maybe… maybe.  But I just… I broke her trust before by leaving.  I made a lot of mistakes, but that?  That was the one she couldn't forgive me for.  And I want to be there for her, I want her to know that she can count on me now, that if she needs me, I am there.  But I can't do that if I'm halfway across the world.  I'd be of no more use to her than Logan is, and I… God help me, I want her to think of me as someone who can give her something that he can't.  And if I go, I can't do that.  And I have this feeling that if I go now, that'll be it for her.  The end.  Three strikes, I'm out.  For good this time."

"Were you planning on leaving without telling her?"

"Well, no, of course I wasn't..."

"'Cause I think that was a big part of the problem last time…"

"Yeah.  I get that.  But what if she doesn't see it that way?"

"Jess, all I can say is maybe you should talk to Rory about it.  See how she feels about it."

"I guess I'll have to."

"For my part, I think you should go.  And she won't be alone, Jess.  She's got Lorelai, and me, and Lane..."

"You're right.  Who'm I kidding?  She doesn't need me anyway."

"That wasn't what I meant."

"Yeah, well, it's probably true anyway.  But it's good to know that she's got you looking out for her.  I'd need you to promise me that, if I'm gonna even consider this."

"You got it."

"Well… thanks for listening.  I guess I'd better go.  I'm gonna call Rory, like you said."

"I think that'd be a good idea."

"Yeah.  Well, talk to you later, Uncle Luke."

"Later, kid.  You… you take care of yourself, alright?"

"I always do.  But thanks."

Thank you for reading. Please, PLEASE share any comments or ask any questions you’re wondering about!  I crave your opinion. What do you think of this?  My muse is in desperate need of encouragement so I can finish writing Chapter 9 sooner rather than later!

[redhawtriot]

Operation Unvirgin (Bakugou x Reader)

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

I had this idea the other day that Bakugou probably would be super celibate. Like he is very goal oriented and doesn't like to attach himself to others, so I feel like he wouldn't have ever bothered with girls or even beat his meat or anything (the shit’s fucking perverted okay?! how could any decent person touch themselves?)

But he hears that Deku is boutta get laid and he gets pissed bc WHAT? That loser is gonna beat him in something?! So he goes on a mission to loose his virginity before Deku. 

So I wrote the NSFW piece of this and it was UTTER GARBAGE, but I know that many of you guys are writers so think of this as a very informal request: Anyone can write the second half of this and tag me and I will repost it (except no non-con plz). It doesn’t matter how long it is.

If this completely flops I will ... sigh... post my shitty NSFW next week... (But please spare me and yourselves from that outcome) 

HnM💕

Bakugou never could understand all the hype surrounding the opposite sex.

The blond man would wrack his brain as he tried to remember the exact moment where his fellow peers stopped looking at girls like the enemy and started looking at them like walking deities, mindlessly floating behind them as if an invisible scent enchanted their spirits. Sometimes he felt like a lone soldier in sustaining self-respect.

In his isolated state, he only watched in disgust as freaks like Mineta and Kaminari drooled over women and reduced themselves into warm bodied zombies in the presence of a vagina. Pathetic.

He would never in a million years let a woman rule over him. He had seen how his hag of a mother treated his father, and he would rather stick his face in a vat of acid than have his soul belong to someone like that.

His stupid mom always told him that he would probably meet someone in high school that would change his mind, but there he was, the night after graduation, victorious in his pursuit of staying the fuck away from crazy broads like her.

In fact, this ridiculous graduation party that Kirishima had dragged him to was probably the last time he would see most of these extras, since he doubted many of them would make it past being D-listers or side-kicks—and that was him being generous.

The colorful beams of light took turns fading in and out of the dark room as the heavy bass of multiple speakers pounded into his body, sending a flurry of vibrations in his abdomen. Although, Bakugou would never admit this out loud, he actually enjoyed this scenery. The stomping of the music reminded him a lot of his own quirk and the lights weren’t completely hideous.

Yeah, as long as no one at this shitty party tried to talk to him or get on his nerves he would be just fine—

“Baku-brooooo!”

God Dammit.

“Hey, dude!” Kaminari threw a sloppy arm over the angrier blond’s shoulders as Kirshima, Deku and Mina all followed behind him through the dense party crowd. Now, if this had been two years ago, Kaminari just might have found himself short an appendage through an explosive altercation; however, throughout his high school career, Bakugou found that simply ignoring the idiots was usually enough to deter them from trying to converse with him.

So Bakugou swallowed the increasing rage that was bubbling in his throat and simply scoffed instead, swatting the man’s arm away from him and turning his back on him and his incoming entourage. Kaminari only laughed in response, “C’mon bro we are officially graduates! Ditch the bad boy act and loosen up a little—we are men now! Just ask Midoriya!” he slyly suggested.

The sound of his rival’s name piqued his interest, yet the stubborn man still refused to give the short-circuited idiot the satisfaction of knowing such a thing, so he continued to glare away from him as Izuku spoke up, “N-no it’s nothing really… Uraraka and I have just been together for a while. Honestly, I don’t even know if I will go for it. I don’t wanna be a jerk or anything bringing it up to her! Forget I said anything at all, actually!” the young man frantically waved his hands as his face became obviously red even in the dimly lit atmosphere.

Mina snickered as her hands found their way to her hips “The shy guy act is cute and all Midoriya, but every girl wants confidence in bed! I am sure she wouldn’t mind if the two of you at least talked about it,” she bumped the green haired boy with her hips as Bakugo furrowed his eyebrows even deeper.

Kirishima was the next to speak up “GO for it, man! There worst that can happen is that she’ll say no!” he heavily patted the concerned Izuku’s back, “But the manliest thing for you to do is respect her boundaries,” he quickly added in.

The green haired man shook his head at the ground, “I should have just kept my big mouth shut...”

“She won’t say no,” Mina sang with a mischievous expression drawn across her face.

The three boys turned their attention to her with confused glances before Kaminari spoke up, “C’mon Mina! You know something don’t you? Spill it!” he begged.

Mina looked as if she were contemplating for only a moment before he gestured for the men to come closer, “Don’t tell her I told you, but…” she trailed off for dramatic effect, “She was totally gonna try to seduce you tonight, Midoriya!!” She winked. Bakugou’s ears perked up at this statement,

“WhAT?” both him and Izuku cried out.

Kaminari and Kirishima laughed at the blond’s outburst, “So you were listening after all, huh Bakugou?” the latter questioned.

“What do you think of the situation, buddy?” Kaminari leaned into the explosive man with a smirk.

“I’m not your damn buddy,” Bakugou bumped the electrical dumbass away from him, “I think you idiot perverts need to stop worrying about whose panties you’re gonna fail getting into and worry about not being able to keep food on your fucking plates when your careers flop!” he barked as the four blinked in surprise at his sudden outburst.

Kaminari saw this as the perfect opportunity to mess with him, “Bakugou are you… a virgin?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS, PIKACHU,” the man under interrogation screeched.

“He totally is!” Kaminari threw his hands up in feign shock, causing Mina to giggle.

Izuku awkwardly shifted on the balls of his feet as Kiri loudly spoke up, “Hey guys, it’s not manly to butt into another man’s personal life like that.”

Bakugou ignored his defender and continued screaming at dumb and dumber through the loud music, “S-Shut the hell up!” his face was dusted in a light shade of red as he spoke. He tried to shake these foreign feelings of embarrassment away. So fucking what if he was a virgin?

“Deku still ain’t shit! Who fucking cares if he’s gonna get his dick dirty?! I could fuck any of these bimbos!” he loudly called out, causing a few girls crowding the area to throw him wary glances before they cautiously moved away. The group of friends noticed this and Kamari and Mina failed miserably at stifling their laughs at the scene.

“It’s ‘make love to’, dude…” Kirishima quietly correct his angry friend in a feeble attempt to save his future endeavors with women.

“NO. FUCK! I said what I meant dammit!” he yelled as he once again fought away the redness on his face, “I could fuck any one of these bitches within an inch of their life!” he furiously vowed.

“Any, huh?” Mina questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s what I fucking said, Raccoon eyes!”

“Then how about…” the yellow irises scanned the dense room for a moment before a smile split her face. She happily pointed a finger, “that one!”

Bakugou followed her finger through the crowd and found you on the other side of the room. The fading lights intermittently illuminated your features, but he knew exactly who you were— Y/N L/N.  The only other person at U.A. known for being just as proud as himself if not more. Also known for having a slough of men on your heels at any given moment, but not giving a single one of them any significant time of day.

Mina snickered at Bakugou’s sudden silence, causing him to throw a glare at her. He fought of any creeping feeling of disheartened as he began a march toward your dancing figure, “Fucking easy” he roughly hyped himself up before approaching you.

“Hey,” he barked roughly. It didn’t really come off as much of a greeting and had more of a threatening tone to it, but in your shocked state you could only offer a half-hearted smile at the daunting man before returning to the conversation that you were having with your friends.

However, after a while, you noticed that your friends were distracted as their scared eyes kept darting behind you. He was still there wasn’t he?

You rolled your eyes before throwing a glare in his direction, “Do you fucking want something, dickhead?” you snapped.

“I SHOULD—” he began to threaten but he clamped his mouth shut and bottled up his feelings of rage from being disrespected before he continued, “You…” he barked, an unfamiliar feeling of uncertainty gripping at his chest, “I want you,” he said sternly. He had heard Kaminari say some stupid shit like this before and it worked. If it worked for an idiot like him then surely—

Bakugou’s thoughts were cut off as you simply threw your head back in a fit of laughter before turning your back to him to converse with your friends again, “Anyway,” you loudly began before beginning to talk to you friends again.

Bakugou’s face contorted in aghast uncertainty before he looked back to his classmates. Kaminari was giving him a thumbs down, Mina was giggling like crazy, Kirishima was beaming him a reassuring smile and Deku was no where to be found. Fuck! he probably went off to find Uraraka!

The thought set a competitive fire in his chest as he looked back toward you, “Let’s--“ he stopped himself to re-frame his approach. He thought of the words of encouragement that shitty hair might give him in this moment,

‘Treat her like a queen!’ ‘Ladies love a man with a code! Don’t tell her what to do, ask her!’

“Do... you want to dance,” he forced himself to ask through slightly gritted teeth. This was utterly humiliating.

“You think you can handle it?” you joked through a small smirk before eyeing him up and down. The man only averted his glare from you in response as he scowled at a nearby wall. You gave a small laugh at the display. It was almost childish how he was acting.

You suddenly noticed the red tint that was adorning his cheeks, sending a wave of excitement throughout your body. A sudden predacious urge clutched your abdomen at the sight.

“Okay,” you smiled after wetting your lips. You leaned into him before grabbing his forearm and leading him deep into the hot pool of dancing bodies. He stiffly followed after you.

If he thinks he can handle it then you’ll just have to show him how wrong he is...

[fontofmercy-archived2]

TROS spat in the face of every single abused child who was looking to this fairytale for hope. The sequel trilogy wasn’t about a farm boy looking for adventure or even an abused child falling to villainy, it was about three abused children from the different class systems all rising out of trauma and dysfunction. This was our fairytale, our story, and JJ Abrams perverted it into abuse apologist propaganda in a pathetically desperate attempt to appease the most hateful groups of fans who never understood or appreciated the story to begin with (which is why the story had to be butchered in order to appease them).

1.) Rey

Rey’s parents selling her for profit into slavery was portrayed as a good, loving thing. Child trafficking was literally portrayed as excusable, and even loving, in this children’s film. Just let that sink in for a second.

What is the message there? If your parents did something horrible that caused you years of trauma and torment, you should just not lose faith in them because they may have had a good reason (even if you have no evidence of that). Maybe a space wizard who has been dead for decades forced them to traffic you. This scene makes me want to vomit. This is how a children’s fairytale portrayed parents who sell their children into trafficking:

There is no excuse for this. Rey’s parentage was solved. Her identity crisis was over. This wasn’t needed except to force this abuse apologist message. Oh, and of course to feed the sexist fanboys a bit of eugenics to make them stop whining about how a woman could possibly be important and powerful.

TLJ was about Rey discovering her identity and letting go of her unhealthy, irrational dependency on parents who she never knew, who sold her to an abuser and left her to half-starve alone in a desert. TROS decided to give her a new identity crisis out of literally nowhere just so they could erase all that “You are not your parents, even if your parents don’t love you and/or aren’t special, you are still special and still deserving of love. You can find belonging ahead of you.” stuff with dynastic “Actually, your blood family does entirely define your identity and you should always assume they’re right even when all evidence points otherwise, just ignore your own trauma and blame it on a dead space wizard.”

The whole Rey Palpatine thing left a very bad taste in my mouth. Not just because it’s fucking stupid and something Reddit would write, but because Rey was horrible in TROS. She acted like she was possessed by Palpatine, she stabbed Ben (who she cares for and always had compassion for) to kill while he was distracted. She suddenly acted like she didn’t care about anyone around her. She just overall acted unrecognizable from the warm, loving, empathetic woman we saw in TFA and TLJ. The message here is clearly that because she has this “bad blood”, Rey can’t have an identity for herself. The only thing that saves her is taking on the identity of the good guys, she never finds her own. All the traits she’s had up until now don’t matter, who she actually is doesn’t matter. All that matters is what man’s blood runs through her veins. All Rey is is someone’s granddaughter, because if she wasn’t, then she’d really be nobody.

And thus, JJ Abrams decided that “Anyone can be special, even nobodies. Your worth is not defined by your class or your background.” was a stupid message and instead it should be pure eugenic “You’re only special if you have important people blood/name. Your identity is entirely your (male) family, not your own. No silly woman could have power of her own!”

Rey taking on the name of Skywalker is an utterly shallow attempt to fix the fact that they took every bit of Rey’s real identity from her, took half her soul (Ben is her dyad, two that are one), and then left her alone on a desert planet as if to say that her “true self” is the abused child she once was and that she can’t actually escape that. The moral of this fairytale was “You don’t need friends or love, as long as you have a glow stick (material possessions) and a super duper special name that makes you important (which you weren’t before, you were nobody).”

Not to mention that Rey basically named herself after Luke, no one else she knew actually used that name. And Luke didn’t do anything to deserve that, he rejected her at every single opportunity and only did the bare minimum to help her after being berated into it. Han was her surrogate father and the first person to offer her a life outside of Jakku. Leia was her loving mentor and pseudo-mother. Ben was the love of her life who has always been there for her when she needed someone to confide it, someone to see her true self and tell her she wasn’t alone. Luke was nothing but some cranky old guy who made her feel awful about herself and never accepted her (not to mention telling her she was inherently dangerous and also trying to murder her soulmate when he was a child which the real Rey was furious about).

2.) Finn

Finn’s character has not been given much in terms of development. For the most part, he’s been reduced to “Rey’s friend” and then “Finn’s friend”, with a little moment in there where he got to be with Rose and have his own identity but TROS of course decided to reward racist bullies and cut out Rose instead of giving the rest of the fans a satisfying story.

In TROS though, the one thing that Finn actually did that was heroic by himself, his character defining moment of turning from The First Order, was credited to the force and described like it wasn’t a choice at all. Which brings up a lot of questions and, as Han would say, “That’s not how the force works!”. It was so entirely unneeded to take that from Finn, but they gave up all of Rose’s potential screentime to do it.

There’s also the moment when Poe, our alleged hero, so hilariously (i.e callously) compares himself being a criminal to Rey being a scavenger and Finn being a stormtrooper. Completely ignoring the fact that they had no choice in that, as if their trauma doesn’t matter at all. It’s a small moment, but it was very insensitive and highlights how much the writers Did Not Care or even understand their main characters’ experiences.

3.) Ben

I don’t even know where to start with Ben Solo. His ending was the one that broke me as a person, I had so many hysterical sobbing fits over it that my loved ones were actually getting tired of it and it genuinely put me in a really bad place with my depression that I’m only just not getting out of.

Ben Solo’s story in TFA and TLJ was abuse victim’s epic, it was the story of a boy who was tortured and groomed from the time he was in his mother’s womb. A man who never knew a life without abuse. Ben Solo was described as a pure beam of light in his mother’s womb who was ensnared and tainted by a predatory force bigger and stronger than himself that he could not escape.

The feeling of being tainted and corrupted is common in abuse victims, and the fact that TROS told every single abused child out there “Yes, you really are tainted and corrupted. You do deserve to die before experiencing more than a moment of happiness and safety.” is something that I’ve yet to get over. It still infuriates me, it still breaks my heart. Ben’s entire arc up until this point has been about how he is still worthy of love.

And no, this isn’t me woobifying; it’s in the text of the films and the canon novels that Ben worked for his redemption, that he earned it. Ben fought Snoke from the time he was a child, but Ben was only a child and Snoke was too powerful, too relentless in his cruelty for him to withstand. The one and only person in the entire galaxy who had the training and the knowledge to protect Ben was his uncle, who chose to try to murder him in his sleep instead of protecting him. Ben was left with nowhere to turn except to his abuser. And even then, we see him struggle every single day to try and force himself to be this evil person that he never was. Ben was light itself who was convinced he was darkness through abuse and manipulation.

Then, when Ben found the first person who he could feel and connect with through the force, even though Snoke and Luke had abused and betrayed him - Ben still took the chance to reach out to Rey and be vulnerable with her. While interrogating an enemy, he took off his mask and revealed himself (something we only see him to for his father and when Snoke forces him to maliciously). In the middle of a war, under the thumb of the monster who has tortured him since forever, Ben was able hold Rey’s hand and tell her she wasn’t alone. He was still able to be kind. And because of that kindness, that connection, Ben found the courage to finally destroy his abuser and free himself.

Ben freed himself, and he did it out of compassion for and a need to protect Rey, not out of wrath or vengeance. If Ben were truly a creature of wrath, he would have killed Snoke before, but it was only when he had to see and hear and feel his soulmate be tortured by his own abuser that he found that courage. And yes, he did take Snoke’s place at first because that was the only way he knew how to protect himself. In his experience, people without power get hurt and that’s it. But even then, Ben was able to muster yet more strength to shed the armor that was Kylo Ren and stand with Rey unarmored against the very thing that has abused and tortured him since before he was born.

That took so much bravery and love and selflessness for Ben to stand there as himself, ready to fight his abuse and trauma head-on as Ben Solo. For him to admit he was hurt for the first time in the series. For him to crawl up a cliff with a badly broken leg out of love. For him to willingly give his very life force out of pure love. All of these things are incredible for Ben to have been able to do after all he had been through, these are more than deserving of reward. But TROS punished Ben for doing everything right, they proved that abusers always win in the end. Ben was going to survive until the last few edits. Everything we see was literally leading up to him surviving. This was Ben’s redemption, this was supposed to be him fighting for his new beginning and taking his first steps into the happiness and safety he earned, and should have had as a child, not a pointless struggle before succumbing to death:

But TROS told us, told traumatized and neurodivergent children who saw themselves in Ben, that it wasn’t good enough. That love isn’t good enough. That doing the right thing deserves to be punished. That children tainted by violence and abuse and darkness don’t deserve love and healing even when they earn redemption, even when they do everything in their power to do the right thing and be brave. The hopelessness of that is what broke me as a person. That is not what Star Wars is about. Star Wars is about redemption and love and hope; TROS was about cruelty covered up with a thin sheet of materialism and confused, poor storytelling.

[madd-information]

I saw your advice of dipping one's toe to another anon...I unfortunately didn't do that & now I'm confused is it good or bad? A lot of the information is scary...for someone whose thinking spirals I started fearing I would develop every mental illness mentioned.

The thing is I've never considered my daydreaming weird or freaky till the internet.

My mdding hasn't stopped my life yet. I have one of my dream jobs & degree. I literally used to daydream & create story boards for this job as a little girl.

At this stage I still know how to shutdown & study. & I have to be an active listener & take notes & read material beforehand. I even put dense documents in word document & play "read aloud" while also reading, it keeps me focused.

It's hard but I can. I've always known I have to work harder for decent or great marks & my ambition & Faith has mostly driven me to put in that extra work. But I always thought that all the hard work I do is due to my lack of concentration I've never focused on the idea that my daydreams were to developed or taking over my life or at least attempting to. My cousins & my mom used to make fun of the fact that at night before sleeping I would just stare in the distance (daydreaming) until I fell asleep or that I would just be smiling randomly at times.

I am working on being more social so i can get friends etc. I honestly think that my lack of social skills has more to do with my personality than my mdding. I like being alone. I hate trying to fill awkward silences & I'm extremely shy. My sister is my current best friend cause she loves me no matter what.

Cause people tend to bully me in real life. The last time I had friends I loved was at age 10 (I miss them so much) & I'm in my 20s now. I feel like women become meaner the older we get. Ive tried making friends at work but people were abusive in different ways. But I'm actively going to work on getting friends this year. I've decided to push myself to join group things (I just need to find things that are safe during covid times). I watched a video of one of my fav youtubers & she said she zooms with her friends at least once a week. So that is my aim to find friends to zoom with once a week with.

Basically my question is, is mdding bad or good?

How do you know it's good or bad? It's just weird to me that when I was younger people encouraged things like imaginary friends so many TV shows had kids with imaginary friends etc. But now my imagination is bad & means I'm ill. I'm genuinely confused.

I never had an imaginary friend as a kid & thought I was weird for that but I had stories which I would write down or tell my sister. As I grew older I kept them to myself I thought of writing them down but grew to lazy. I should've cause I think I had at least one gem. My mdding now has become stale and is about my ideal husband, my future goals career wise, my dream home & dinner parties. On occasion & quite recently though I've been daydreaming about being the new Tarantino. So I've decided to join a writer's club in my area they are waiting for covid to slow down before restarting for 2021. I dont know if that would fulfill my mdding of writing a stellar film & debuting in Cannes. But hey it's worth a try. 😀

But I'm excited to join the writing group.

I've taken up painting during quarantine cause I daydreamed about being a painter. I have a year to get good.

I tried surfing cause a movie I watched made me daydream about my dream guy being a surfer. I need a few more swimming lessons to take up that daydream 😂

Besides Tarantino, I've also daydreamed I was a musician so obviously I'm looking for affordable guitar lessons & vocal lessons. I live in a small town but I'll find something. 😀 whether or not that would fulfill my desire to record an album & daydreaming about a tour I dont know.

Also daydreaming makes exercise bearable. I could probably be more productive & study while exercising but I prefer daydreaming while exercising it helps me forget the pain.

I just hate when my mdding sneaks up on me at work. But I then have to use my meditation tools focusing on being present. Headspace has a great series on Netflix. I can daydream all day if I have no work, school, church or not around others. Otherwise if I am doing any of that I need to be present & that's my goal for 2021.

This is weird. Definitely pathetic. Probably a sign of an unfulfilled life? But is it bad?

Anonymous said:

Also another weird thing I do is I imagine my fav podcasts as dinner parties where I can give input cause I'm extremely opinionated. I like the different personalities on the podcast & wish they were my friends.

“Basically my question is, is mdding bad or good?”

MD is inherently negative in some way.  The daydreaming itself isn’t the bad thing, but our relationship with it.  I tend to explain it as akin to a food addiction.  Food is good and it is needed for us to live as functional human beings, like daydreaming it is a normal part of life which cannot just be ‘quit’.  But our relationship with food can become disordered and lead us to unhealthy behaviour and negative outcomes. Knowing if your relationship has tipped into the realm of unhealthy is the tricky part, and is negotiable to an extent, like how we can indulge in junk food regularly and still consider ourselves healthy and happy with our habits.

This line is different for everyone and there’s no real this-is-exactly-when-it-becomes-bad answer. The best we can do is make an honest evaluation of our lives, speak about it to a therapist if possible, and make our best determination.  

Here are some papers you can read to give you a better understanding of MD.  And here are some measures which might give you an idea about where you stand.  (note: these are measures meant for clinical use and were not intended for self diagnosis, they are provided to give you an understanding of what MD might look like)

[quixotic-dragon]

Kokichi Oma’s Crocodile Tears   (MAJOR DRV3 SPOILERS)

Ah, good ol’ Kokichi Oma. The Ultimate Little Shit- and a controversial little shit at that! I’ve recently played v3, and Kokichi is the one character who always seems to be on my mind (aside from my fav, Keebo, of course) because he’s such a mystery. We never get to know what’s going on in his head, at least not openly, and many players are led to assume that he is a malicious troublemaker, or even an outright sadist. 

I’m going to take a moment to analyze Kokichi specifically during that infamous scene at the end of Chapter 4 because that is all that’s been on my mind as of late. 

Underneath the Keep reading, there WILL be major spoilers for the entirety of v3. There will also be a very long essay, but I will do my best to break it up so it is easier to read. Read at your own risk.

So without further ado, here is my analysis of and my thoughts on Kokichi, his actions, and his character circa Chapter 4:

INITIAL REACTION:

Before I go into how I feel about Kokichi now, I’m going to have a discussion about my thoughts on him while this scene was playing out. (I know my exact feelings because I was liveposting in a discord server as I played, haha)

At this point in the game, the player does not yet know that Kokichi is not the true mastermind, nor do they understand what Kokichi means by “winning” the game. 

I had personally been spoiled of who the v3 mastermind was (thanks a lot danganronpa wiki), so I recognized that Kokichi wasn’t the mastermind, however I did not recognize that he was trying to win the killing game via unconventional methods. So from my point of view, Kokichi had just intentionally murdered Gonta (and Miu) just to increase his chances of winning and had the nerve to shed fake tears over it. I was furious! (behold, my fury!)

Kokichi sobs over Gonta’s death, and I interpreted this as entirely fake tears. One of my friends suggested, “i feel like there was a difference between like his / crocodile tears and this.” 

I was enraged at this suggestion and stood beside my initial reaction because I felt that there were no signs that Kokichi never cared for Gonta as anything more than an asset, so I could not trust Kokichi to have any real remorse for his death with such a manipulative relationship having existed. (Massive disclaimer that this is my interpretation of their relationship; if you have a different interpretation, that is totally fine and valid!)

At this point, I considered why Kokichi might be crying so intensely even if it was an act, and came to the conclusion that if there was any sort of truth in those tears that Kokichi would be upset for a different reason than Gonta. He would be upset because he was truly alone. Not a single living person wanted to spare him the time of day besides Gonta. And now that Gonta is dead, nobody wants Kokichi. Even though I was fully convinced he was a sadistic, evil bastard at this point, I still figured that he must’ve felt some sort of sudden and crippling loneliness realizing that the only person who cared about him in the slightest was dead.

This interpretation of Kokichi I had really didn’t change much until after I had finished the entire game and stopped to think about Kokichi a bit more; his heartfelt final words to Kaito felt like lies to convince him to play along (blackmailing Maki certainly didn’t help with that much either), and his whole trick felt less like him trying to help and more like him just trying to cause chaos for the hell of it in my mind.

So, in conclusion, my initial reaction to the Kokichi scene? I thought Kokichi was a heartless bastard whose only remorse could be crippling loneliness. Although my initial analysis while I was still playing was quite interesting, I have some different opinions on it now that I’ve taken a step back and viewed the game as a whole.

KOKICHI ONLY WANTS YOU TO THINK HE’S EVIL:

Surprise! Kokichi isn’t a sadistic fuck! Crazy right? 

Well, not really if you’ve watched/read any Kokichi analysis ever. However, Kokichi’s act seems to be a common thing that many casual players of v3 fall for. I certainly fell for it when I played, as you saw above!

It isn’t until far later in the game that it is revealed that Kokichi is the “supreme leader” of a pacifist prankster club (DICE), and it isn’t revealed until the end of Chapter 5 that Kokichi actually had good intentions in setting up his mastermind persona (although, as seen above, those good intentions are still very easily interpreted in a bad light).

So why does he bother to so obviously cry wolf at Gonta’s death just to double back on his persona ten-fold as soon as he’s called out on it? Because he’s just trying to sell his mastermind persona, not only to the other characters and the mastermind, but to the player themself. This is intended by both Kokichi and the writers themselves, made obvious by the fact that we get no real evidence of Kokichi being a benevolent person until long after this scene. (There are many moments in earlier chapters where Kokichi is trying to be helpful to the group or to a specific character, however every time he attempts this, it is painted in a negative light because he is either going against the protagonist’s will or achieving things in a more underhanded manner via lies or provocation). 

When I saw Kokichi crying for Gonta, my first thoughts were, “I am going to THROTTLE this fucking BASTARD.” Because even if those tears were real, Kokichi was still the one fully responsible for Gonta’s death, so I felt that he had no right to shed tears over it. If it weren’t for Kokichi’s crying during this scene, I would have been very suspicious of how suddenly his evil villain act amped up. If he hadn’t shed tears that were so obviously fake, I would not have been nearly as enraged with him, and therefore not nearly as willing to just accept the fact: “Well. Guess he’s evil now.”

Whereas I would’ve chalked the scene without crying to bad writing, the viewers of the killing game, and by extent the mastermind, would garner suspicion towards his actions. Although Kokichi was not aware that Keebo had direct contact with the outside world, he was very aware that the killing game had to have been broadcasted to somewhere. He had to ensure that he was as convincing as possible; that meant no “bad writing” mistakes could be left anywhere.

I stand by what I said before in that Kokichi’s crying in this scene is just a bunch of crocodile tears. However, with new context and information surrounding the situation, they probably weren’t devoid of emotion. Kokichi only allowed himself to cry here in order to properly double back on his new mastermind persona, however, unlike what I believed before, he most likely did feel remorse at the deaths of Gonta and Miu. He just broke his last standing moral code: don’t murder people. And he broke it by indirectly causing the deaths of two people he may have considered to be his friends. That’s heavy stuff! 

Kokichi is faking these reactions to the trial because he has to if he wants to deceive everybody. But... the best acting comes from the heart.

LONELINESS AND GUILT:

As I covered in my initial reaction to Kokichi’s breakdown, I felt as though he couldn’t possibly have any remorse for his actions, so he must have been devastated knowing that he would now be truly alone. This view was heavily influenced by Shuichi’s words after the trial... because they were true. 

After Kokichi criticizes the group for coming to Kaito’s aid, Shuichi turns around and tells Kokichi that he is the pathetic one because he will always be alone. There are no lies to these words. Now that Gonta is dead, and now that Kokichi has gone so far into his persona, not a single person wants to even be near him.

Now that I’ve established that Kokichi’s actions post-trial were most definitely an act and not representative of his true feelings, we can discuss what his true feelings may have been. I come back to the idea of Kokichi fearing being alone because, hey! My past ignorant self was actually onto something!

The acknowledgement that Kokichi feels remorse for his actions just makes this situation even sadder for him; not only did he just indirectly murder two people and has to put up with the guilt of that, but now, nobody cares about him either. Not that anybody in the cast cared for him all that much in the first place (aside from Gonta), but Shuichi’s words to him here seal his fate as the permanent outcast and assigned villain of the group. He had already been struggling with loneliness throughout the beginning chapters of the game, and now Shuichi - the only person he finds truly trustworthy (according to his little whiteboard, at least) - is confirming to him that nobody wants him. Ouch.

I am personally led to believe that a large part of the reason that Kokichi ends up sacrificing himself in Chapter 5 has a lot to do with the broken feelings he would’ve had under the combined guilt of his actions and the crushing reality of loneliness.

Would Kokichi have offered to sacrifice himself anyways given the circumstances? Probably, yeah. However, the way he was so accepting of his death reminded me a lot of Kaede in Chapter 1; she couldn’t allow herself to take the First Blood Perk because she felt that she had to atone for her sins, or she could never live with herself. Kokichi seems, in the moment, to be more than willing to die, perhaps for the same reasons. Not only would be feel like he has to make up for the deaths he caused, but he would also feel like he had nothing left to live for, at least not within the academy anyway.

Or maybe he was just tired from the poison, not from life. But who’s to say? We can’t see inside of his head.

FINAL THOUGHTS / CONCLUSION:

OK, so some final thoughts before wrapping this up: Holy shit, Kokichi is an asshole.

Even knowing the emotional turmoil Kokichi must have been going through, it was still infuriating to see him treat Gonta so poorly in Trial 4. Perhaps it was just a part of his act as well? Regardless, it really just did not sit with me well. Under no circumstance should Kokichi be continulessly yelling at Gonta while he’s crying from the insults, for real. But hey, at least if it was just another act from Kokichi, then he can rest easy knowing he certainly had me fooled.

...

So, in my opinion, Kokichi’s infamous breakdown was entirely fabricated. He had to fake both his tears and his sadism in order to fully convince the world that he was a force of pure malice in order to get away with what he had planned. However, despite his apparent change in personality, he never really was sadistic, and may have even cared for the people around him till the very end.

That’s all I guess  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

Ranking Brotherhood of Evil Mutant members (including all interations) from your, most to least favorite and please expound why. I do like asking for opinions.

Hmmm....there have been several iterations of the Brotherhood, and I’m not very familiar with some of the later versions, so I’m just gonna go with the earlier versions that I know.  Bear in mind, this is entirely subjective, and I like most of these characters, so a character being lower down doesn’t mean I hate them.  Going from favorite to least favorite:  

Pyro:

Anyone following this blog has probably noticed I love this dude.  I’m not exactly subtle about it.  I think he’s interesting and fun, as villains go.  He’s snarky and cocky, and actually rather friendly when he’s not trying to kill you - very Affable Evil.  He’s not necessarily a very good person - he’s self-interested, and can be rather vicious, but he’s a character that I thought could potentially come over to the good side.  He seemed, at times, to get into the whole “Freedom Force” thing, and clearly enjoyed saving people alongside Longshot.  He seems to bond a great deal with his team-mates - Mystique, Avalanche, even Stonewall (although he was a dick to him and Commando when they first joined).  He even pals around with Blob, even though he also snarks at him sometimes.  In AOA, Pyro was the only one helping and being protective of Phantazia.  And now in Marauders he refers to them as his “friends,” and is perfectly happy traveling around with people that used to kick his ass, even appearing impressed with them (especially Storm), and being a surprisingly good team player.  I don’t think Pyro would necessarily become a good guy for altruistic purposes, but I think he enjoys having “adventures” and getting attention and hanging out with his team-mates.  I think if Pyro was on an X-Team, and was made to feel welcome, he’d probably be content to fight alongside them and follow the rules (which is basically what he’s doing right now with the Marauders), and maybe some of his team-mates’ virtues would rub off on him a bit.  (There was apparently a version of X-Factor pitched to Marvel years ago that included Pyro on the team, and I’m disappointed that never happened, although I loved the X-Factor that we got.)  And of course, there was also Pyro’s somewhat redemptive death, where he came to regret his past actions with the Brotherhood and wound up sacrificing his life to save Senator Kelly (fat lot of good it did, since Kelly got assassinated shortly after, but hey, he tried!) 

Along with all of that, I am also really intrigued by Pyro’s back story of being a romance author and journalist.  There’s the whole dichotomy of a guy who callously burns people to death and also writes gothic romance novels in his spare time.  And honestly, it sounds like he’s lived a really interesting life before the Brotherhood - traveling all around South East Asia, working as a journalist covering Indonesia and Vietnam (I’d assume he speaks at least a little bit of Indonesian and Vietnamese to be able to live there and cover news).  His motives for joining the Brotherhood have never been established, and I’m dying to know more about how he met Mystique, and why he decided to leave what was apparently a successful career and probably fairly comfortable life to go be an international terrorist.  Was it money?  A promise of adventure?  Did he really believe in Magneto’s cause?  Was he already getting into criminal activity before he joined the Brotherhood?  There’s a lot of potential for development there, but unfortunately most writers (except Claremont) tend to completely ignore all of Pyro’s backstory.  I’m still hoping that Duggan at least makes some reference to it, even just a throwaway comment about how Pyro used to write novels.

TL,DR: I like Pyro because he’s fun and clever, he makes friends with his team-mates, and he’s a writer. 

Toad:

Toad is a really intriguing character, but mostly I like him because he’s actually got a lot of potential, but he’s had a shit life and can never seem to catch a break.  In the earliest issues, he was just Magneto’s abused lackey, and appeared quite sniveling and pathetic, but later on it was revealed that he’s actually quite intelligent (and good with machines), he just appeared “stupid” due to all the abuse he suffered during childhood.  Toad also has a lot of interesting powers - writers seem to give him a new one every other appearance.  His stamina, agility, and super-strong legs could actually make him a pretty good fighter if he got proper training.  Plus he’s got the prehensile tongue, pheromone secretion, acidic saliva, secretion of a paralytic resin, mind control over frogs - his Marvel bio is a long, long list of secondary powers.  Toad could be quite formidable if he actually got his shit together, and there are AU’s (like House of M and Age of Apocalypse) where we see a much more stable, competent, intelligent Toad who is living up to his potential.  But 616 Toad remains a joke,  He’s either a low-level bad guy (they tried to level him up in the 90′s by making him the leader of the Brotherhood, but it didn’t last) or a pathetic sad-sack used for humor, or both.  His attempt to “join” the X-Men led to him being the janitor and basically getting treated like shit (he literally had no bed?) then getting kicked out when he follow Husk to the Hellfire Academy, even though he did that largely out of concern for Husk, and actually helped her and Quentin escape.

Basically, Toad has been subjected to horrible abuse pretty much his entire life, he has a mutation that makes him appear “ugly”, and everyone treats him with, at best, pity, and at worst, hatred and disgust.  I’ll admit, he’s had a few chances to better his life that have fallen through because of his own bad choices (and he’s done some horrible things, especially when he was leading the Brotherhood in the 90′s), but most of the time he’s just getting continuously kicked while he’s down.  To a certain extent, it’s really a matter of comic writers not being willing to take Toad seriously - he’s considered a joke villain, and therefore gets written that way, because he’s there as an accessory in someone else’s story.  At least the Toad/Husk storyline seemed to focus some on Toad himself as a character, even if it ended badly for him.  Sometimes, I kinda think Toad is written as evil or pathetic so that writers can justify other characters being shitty towards him.  Like, Magneto’s early treatment of Toad was absolutely, inexcusably horrible.  Magneto treated everyone in the Brotherhood badly, including his own children, but it seemed like Toad caught the worst of it.  Pietro and Wanda were also disgusted by Toad, although they had good reason, since his affection towards Wanda was pretty creepy.  Later on, Magneto was revamped into more of a noble, morally grey character, and his past abuse of Toad was mostly forgotten.  I don’t think the writers are necessarily doing this on purpose, but it kind feels like Toad remaining a pathetic bad guy was partially a way to excuse Magneto’s poor treatment of him, since Magneto was being reinvented as a more likable character.  And not just Magneto, but just about everyone who finds Toad disgusting or cracks jokes about how gross he is – it’s okay, Toad is awful so it’s totally fine to have the physically attractive good guys mock him and treat him like garbage.  (Hell, the artists can’t even decide what Toad’s physical appearance should be.  Is he skinny?  Fat?  Does he have green skin?  Is his nose ridiculously long or closer to normal?  Who knows what we’ll get in each issue.  And God forbid he be drawn without his tongue lolling out of his mouth.)

Also, I think that a lot of Toad’s worst personality flaws are at least partially due to the abuse he suffered.  To be clear, I’m not justifying the things that Toad has done. He set up death traps for people who wronged him, murdered Sauron’s girlfriend, and stalked and attacked Wanda multiple times.  That’s pretty shitty of him!  But I also think the abuse had a huge effect on Toad and how he interacts with people. Like, his tendency to obsessively latch onto people, and act like a sniveling lackey – the dude has had pretty much no love his entire life, and he’s always been treated like garbage.  Of course he has no self-esteem, of course he’ll fawn over anyone that shows him affection.  He’s been raised to believe that he is garbage.  Even his tendency to gloat over others being punished, and his whole “I’ll tell Magneto, and you’ll get in trouble!” thing is an understandable survival mechanism – other people getting in trouble means that he’s not the target, for once.  Obviously I can’t condone Toad trying to murder people that wronged him, but his anger and resentment is also understandable after the poor treatment he’s suffered.  In fact, I think it’s actually healthier for him to be angry than to think that he deserves it.  And a lot of the shitty things he did as Brotherhood leader also felt like him desperately wanting to be taken seriously, to be respected – also not a bad thing to want, even if his actions were terrible.  Basically, Toad has a lot of personality flaws, and he’s also had a lot of experiences that created or exacerbated those personality flaws.  The guy needs serious, long-term therapy, and I think he could become a better (or at least more competent) person if he got the help that he so obviously needs.

TL, DR: Basically, Toad deserves better.

Avalanche:

I have to admit, a lot of my love for Avalanche is all about his relationship with Pyro, be it friendship or something more.  (It’s something more in my headcanons, I will forever ship them.)  But he’s also a character that we don’t know much about, in part because he tends to talk a lot less than a certain chatty Australian.  He seems, more than anything, to be a practical-minded punch-clock villain, who is mostly in it for the money.  He doesn’t seem to enjoy putting on a show and reveling in his powers like Pyro, and he doesn’t seem to have the same mean streak that can be seen in Blob (and Pyro, to be fair).  I’m sure there are probably instances of Avalanche being dickish and cruel, but in a lot of his appearances that I’ve read, he seems very practical.  Do the job, get paid.  He also seems fairly content to be a follower or a lackey – happy to take orders from Mystique, or even follow Pyro’s lead when Mystique isn’t around.  That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his own ideas or opinions, but he doesn’t particularly feel the need to be a leader.  Like Pyro, we also don’t know much about his past before the Brotherhood, except that he was married at some point.  Where’s his wife now?  Why didn’t it work out?  Was it because of him being a mutant, or was it his activities with the Brotherhood that drove them apart?  Does he still love her?  Why did he join the Brotherhood in the first place?  

Avalanche also seems to care somewhat about his team-mates, although he’s not as openly friendly as Pyro.  During Freedom Force’s disastrous last mission, he made the difficult call to abandon Pyro and Blob to save Commando, something that he was clearly broken up about.  And of course, he was willing to go on a mission in the Savage Land with Pyro to get a Legacy Virus cure (that unfortunately didn’t actual exist).  Avalanche is selective about who he cares about, but he still shows that he cares through his actions.  I don’t want to make this all about Pyro, but I really love their relationship.  The stoic, quiet guy/chatty energetic guy dynamic is great.  They just love being bros and committing crimes together, and they are quick to work together and back each other up, even in their earliest appearances.  I would totally read a min-series focusing on the early days of Mystique’s brotherhood, especially if it gave us some good Avalanche, Pyro and Blob development, and didn’t just center around Rogue and Mystique (both fantastic characters, but they’ve both got a lot of attention directed at them already.)

Also, Avalanche likes to garden, which is nice. And at one point he just got fed-up with everything and tried to retire and become a bartender, which is very relatable.  Unfortunately Red Skull murdered him after that.  Sorry, Avalanche.  I hope you are resurrected on Krakoa, living your best life.

Blob:

Another character who is often not taken seriously. Blob is mean-spirited, crass, and often self-interested, much like the rest of the Brotherhood members.  He also was extremely close to Unus, and clearly devastated when Unus’s powers went out of control and killed him.  Blob is one of those characters where I think his physical appearance has led to him being designated as a bad guy by the writers – he’s big and gross, so, just like Toad, he’ll be portrayed as a bad person in order to justify the good guys being terrible to him.  (Yes, I know there are “ugly” good guys, but let’s face it, they are rare.  Most of the good guys look like models.)  Blob also, like Toad, gets a lot of crap for his physical appearance, something that is literally part of his mutation.  I think some of Blob’s nastiness is definitely a defense mechanism, lashing out at others because he is used to being attacked.  It also seems like Blob is really lacking in close friendships, like what Mystique and Destiny or Pyro and Avalanche have (“friendship”).  He was really the odd man out in Mystique’s brotherhood.  He’s willing to pal around with various Brotherhood members, including Avalanche and Pyro when they’re not picking fights with each other, but he doesn’t seem to have a best buddy after Unus’s death.  I kind of admire Blob’s toughness.  It would be easy for him to completely lose his self-esteem, like Toad, but he stands up for himself and never grovels to others.  He is frequently insulted for his mutation, but he also seems comfortable in his own skin, which is good.  He shouldn’t have to feel bad about his own body.    

There was an AU story that showed a softer, more thoughtful Blob who wound up in a relationship with Psylocke, so we know he’s capable of showing a better side of himself.  To some extent, I like Blob’s crass, take-no-shit personatliy, but I’d also like to see writers give him more depth.  I’d especially like to see him reunite with Unus on Krakoa, and the two of them hanging out enjoying each other’s company.  I’m also enjoying the cameos we get of bartender Blob on Krakoa, I hope he is also living his best life.  

Phantazia:

Honestly, I mostly just want to know more about her. All we really know is that she has a PhD (in some kind of scientific field, I think….she is reading a book on astrophysics in one comic), and she was willing to join Toad’s Brotherhood (and she was also the only Brotherhood member that received an invitation from Exodus to Asteroid M). Why?  What was her life before that?  Who knows? Most of the time, she seems rather cold, and a bit distant from her team-mates (but I can’t entirely blame her, the Brotherhood is a rough crowd.  It’s hard to be the new team-mate, and probably especially hard to be the only woman.)  She did seem concerned about Pyro when he was suffering from the Legacy Virus, but she kind of dropped out of sight when the Brotherhood disbanded.   She seems like she was mostly in it for personal gain, especially since Toad’s Brotherhood was more about petty crime than mutant rights.  Apparently she was deeply affected by Wanda’s reality alterations, which took a toll on her mental health, and was last seen in a SHIELD holding cell.  I hope she pops up again on Krakoa.  

Rogue:

The only reason Rogue is so low on the list is that I sometimes forget she was ever a Brotherhood member, and because I like to focus more on lesser known characters.  But I really like Rogue!  She’s tough but sweet, and an incredible badass.  Leaving the Brotherhood for the X-Men meant walking away from her team and foster-mother(s), but she still did it, and became one of the X-Men’s most dependable and valued members.  I love Rogue’s past, her relationship with Mystique, her relationship with Gambit.  I love how she doesn’t take shit, but she also doesn��t go around acting like a jerk, like some of the “tough” characters.  (Wolverine, basically.)  I like the complexity of her struggles with her powers, and her knowing that her strongest abilities, like strength and flight, were basically “stolen” from someone else. I feel like I should say more, but Rogue is very popular and has had loads written about her already.  Rogue is cool, and she deserves the best!  

Mystique:

A truly fascinating character.  She’s also lower on the list because she is fairly well-known and popular, and also because she can absolutely be a manipulative piece of shit, willing to throw everyone except Destiny under the bus.  Yet, at the same time, we see her appear to genuinely care about people, like Rogue, Nightcrawler (after the unfortunate “toss baby off a cliff” incident), Destiny, even Pyro occasionally (she has a nice moment with him on Muir Island, and also calls him “friend” in X-Factor).  She’s a character who can never be entirely trusted, which is a large part of what makes her interesting.  I think she truly does care about a few, select people.  Hell, there’s an early issue in which Mystique fights a bunch of robots programmed to look and act like the X-Men (courtesy of Arcade), and she completely breaks down after having to “kill” the Rogue robot, then hesitates to attack the Nightcrawler bot.  I think Mystique can also be extremely callous, cold and manipulative, but I don’t think she is completely evil, just very self-interested, like a lot of villains. Also, she’s probably seen and experienced a lot of shit over her long life that contributed to that callousness (I figure if I’m gonna cut Toad and Blob some slack, I should do the same for Mystique.)  I do wish she would stop committing rape by deception in stories (meaning sleeping with someone while disguised as someone else).  It’s something that gets glossed over, even though fandom generally despises rapist male villains (and rightfully so), but Mystique pretending to be Blink and sleeping with Mimic is barely a story blip.  

Mystique is also interesting just because she’s such a badass.  She’s cunning, a good leader, a good strategist, excellent spy, good at hand-to-hand combat (she only loses to Arcade’s X-Men robots because she hesitates). She is damn formidable!  She’s also lived a varied and interesting life. There’s a reason she’s gotten so much exposure in comics.  I can also understand her being short-tempered while leading the Brotherhood, as she has to deal with the three stooges of Pyro, Avalanche and Blob.  Then things get even more complicated during the Freedom Force days.  Mystique has a lot of shit to deal with keeping those idiots in line.  Her relationship with Destiny is probably my favorite thing about Mystique, they are beautiful wives, and I hope she gets Destiny resurrected so the two of them can live happily together on Krakoa.  (Unlikely.)  

Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch:

I don’t have much to say about these two, even though I like them. I’m starting to run out of steam in terms of character analysis, and I tend to think of them more as Avengers than Brotherhood members.  They both deserve better.  Also, they are mutants and Magneto is their dad. Retcon?  What retcon?

Destiny:

I don’t have much to say about Destiny because she is very mysterious – always working according to some plan that only she knows. So it’s hard to really know her as a character.  She seems like a very intelligent and calm woman.  She’s always chilling while the Brotherhood guys are freaking out or picking fights with each other.  She also faced her own death bravely and willingly.  She seems to have a good sense of humor.  One of my favorite stories is Mystique disposing of Destiny’s ashes after her death.  She is throwing them off a boat at a specific time and place, according to Destiny’s instructions – and the wind blows them back into her face.  Obviously Destiny planned it as a last prank, and I have to like a character who sets that up.  Also, one time she let a rock wall collapse on Avalanche and Spiral because she knew they wouldn’t be seriously hurt, and she hated Spiral and wanted to enjoy her humiliation.  That’s some impressive pettiness.  Destiny is cool, and I hope she comes back.

Sauron:

I don’t really care about him at all.  

Mastermind:

Seems like a real creep, especially with his manipulation of Jean Grey/Phoenix in the Dark Phoenix saga.  At least he apologized to her at his death.  Also, he’s got three daughters, the dude gets around. Regan, Martinique, and Pixie (WTF?! I just read that in his bio.)  I am really confused by there being two Mastermind daughters with the same powers, but apparently it was actually a mix-up between two writers.  Oops!  

That’s all.  I know there have been later Brotherhood iterations with other members, including one or both Lady Masterminds, but that was during a time when I wasn’t reading much X-Men, so I’m not familiar with most of those characters. I might have more to say if I eventually read some of the later Brotherhood stories.  

[darkestwolfx]

Escape Proof - Re-Review #39

I thought The Mechanic had been a little bit too quiet since ‘Up from the Depths’ (really it’s been five episodes without our new main villain).

Oh, and this one, really is photo heavy. I have no apologies.

Parker kicking a door in? Yes, I will accept that start to the episode!

Another ominous location though, I see. Sherbet tagging along behind though is quite sweet.

“Mind your step Parker. Dead end, indeed!”

“Someone’s been digging.”

Someone had been... The Mechanic, by any chance? I think so.

“What is it, Sherbet? Is something down there?”

“Not something. Someone! That’s Morse Code for SOS.”

Good thing someone knows what that means! And there’s someone trapped! I‘m going to say wasn’t part of the plan, because I doubt The Mechanic really wanted IR called to the scene of his grand plan.

Nice shot of the Island.

“We were looking through buildings once linked to The Hood when we came across this.”

That was good thinking by Lady Penelope and Parker though. See this is why you have a London Agent to do some ‘agenting’ (Gordon, ‘Ring of Fire’).

“I’m not waiting. Parker, bring the car around.”

And there we go, she’s always a step ahead of the rest.

“Destruction on this scale could only be The Mechanic.”

“But where’s he going?”

And this was a pretty cool gear up, you have to admit.

This is Hoarse, appropriately named, as he will talk himself hoarse. He’s a plumber as well.

“That’s why they call me Hoarse. Cause I can talk myself Hoarse, you know.”

“Can’t complain. Got me holiday’s coming up. Have you ever been to Spain? What am I kidding, you boys have probably been everywhere...”

“This one’s a talker.”

Yeah, I’m just gonna’ leave it there.

“We need to track where The Mechanic is going, and that means getting through this debris.”

“FAB.”

Yes, did someone call for a removals service? Virgil is brilliant at shifting things, demolition is one of his areas of expertise as we all know. And Scott only reminded us last episode that we could leave the “heavy lifting” to Virgil.

The soundtrack for this episode was pretty on point from the off as well.

“He’s still talking.”

“Whatever keeps him occupied.”

You’ll thank him for it later, Gordon.

“John are you still locked in on my signal?”

“Yes. And based on your current heading, I’m calculating your path now. This isn’t good. Lady Penelope, you’re heading straight for Parkmoor Scrubs Prison.”

“Parkmoor Scrubs? That’s where they’re holding The Hood. This is a prison break.”

Really? The title wasn’t giving the possibility of that away to anyone? Anyone other than lonely little me here?

So remember in ‘City Under the Sea’, The Mechanic was searching the Creighton-Ward building for a safe containing plans for a prison, and Parker stopped him? Yeah, well unfortunately this guy is clearly too smart, because he’s managed it anyway.

“But breaking The Hood out of Parkmoor Scrubs Prison is impossible!”

Are you sure you want to say that?

“But Colonel, we know The Mechanic has already made one attempt at the designs for the place. Maybe he found something.”

You can bet that he did - he can rival Brains after all.

John’s smart thinking comes a little bit too late. If only they’d searched for that signal again after ‘Earthbreaker’.

“It’s coming from his eye.”

“If he’s had that the whole time he’s been in there-”

Which he kinda must have, just saying.

“-This escape could have been planned from the start!”

Now you’re getting it! He did warn us in ‘Legacy’ and ‘Earthbreaker’ that something worse than him could come along, and that we hadn’t seen the end of him.

“It’s like one big, giant game of pick up sticks.”

“Except this is no game. A man’s life is at stake.”

Not having fun there, then I’m guessing.

“Orange! Don’t cut that one.”

Come on... click, click, click-

“Hoarse, what kind of pipes are near you?”

Well done, Virgil.

“I was working on a green and white striped one.”

A bit easier than pick up sticks now, ey, Gordon?

“Should I be worried? Cause I’m worried.”

I quite like the character of Hoarse. It’s a shame we don’t get to see him again. I think that would have been quite fun. Maybe he could have been a friend for Ned?

“’e can’t ‘ave vanished hinto thin hair. Where did ‘e go?”

You’ll be sorry you asked that, Parker.

“They seem to be in a bit of a rush. I don’t think they’re going to stop for you, or us, or anyone.”

Yes, this is a prison break, remember!

“Well, you made quite an entrance. But you are two weeks late.”

“You’re welcome.”

Yes, I agree, very ungrateful.

“International Rescue is here! Did you send out invitations?”

“They’re not a problem.”

“They are to me.”

Well that says more about you, Hood. I think this really is the first moment where we get to see that maybe The Mechanic isn’t quite as into this as The Hood. They’re actually quite at odds with each other once you put them together, and for me this little interaction definitely foreshadowed that things weren’t going to work with these two. They’re not the super villain duet that they were potentially made out to be in ‘Earthbreaker’ and I think that actually was a really well-written move, and maybe not one which would have been expected by the masses.

Villains can be tricky things to write - there’s always a fine line as to whether people find them and their actions believable or not. See, I never found these two more believable than when they were at odds with each other. I know many of us have expressed disappointment at the eventual motivation for The Hood’s villainy (in TAG anyway), but The Mechanic actually had some kind of exploration going on (even though I would have loved a little more backstory, at least his motivations made perfect sense). The Chaos Crew were another pair of Villains in TAG that I struggle with (I mean, we’re not quite there yet, so I’m not going to go into my reasons until we reach that point - which will be soon) and who didn’t really aid in The Hood’s character development as much as I think the writers thought they might.

They did a good job with The Hood in series 1 (and I know they were trying to both adapt and sustain elements from TOS with him), but I think TAG’s best villain by far is The Mechanic (and not because he was made up, nor because he has a redemption arc), or he’s at least, their best written villain. Once again, this is a conversation that could go on for a while, so I’m actually going to pull it into one big post on villains - might be a wait for it thought as I’m waiting to find a free pocket of time.

See that! A little talking never hurt anyone.

“Green and white. My favourite colours.”

Yes I can see how that is true for Virgil. Gordon might have preferred yellow, but you can’t always get what you want.

“Gordon, step on it.”

“I stepped on a bug once, big as your hand, honest...”

“Why are we stopping? Go out the way you came in.”

“I wouldn’t advise that.”

“I don’t want your advice. i want your absolute obedience.”

Asking a lot, isn’t it?

“I’ve done everything you’ve asked me too.”

“Your machines are impressive; your results are pathetic. The only thing you’ve ever done for me is fail.”

I wouldn’t say that’s quite true...

“Now follow my command.”

I think the clues were finally all there with this interaction - the cybernetic eye is going and suddenly The Mechanic moves to do as The Hood says, despite the only thing they’ve done since they reunited in person be to argue? Yeah, that’s not a believable response, unless you are being controlled or have something held over you. If there was any doubt before, I don’t think there is now to the state of play between these two.

“You had to know they’d be waiting for us.”

“Well obviously. I may be free, but we had to give them some sort of consolation prize.”

And there we have it, the big reveal, doubt eradicated.

“The Hood and The Mechanic must not get away!”

Uhh... they both got away!

“It looks like The Hood and The Mechanic both got away.”

Yep, I’ve already said that.

“So now we have two master criminals on the loose?”

Keep up, Gordon, we’ve already said that - twice in this case.

“I have a feeling it’s about to get very busy for all of us.”

“And we’ll be ready for them.”

“I’m actually speechless.”

Well, by the very fact you’ve just spoken Hoarse, you’re technically not, but okay.

“I mean look at me, I’ve got nothing. I’ve got nothing to say at all. Ask me something now, I couldn’t tell you...”

And I think that was probably a good place indeed to put the credits. Otherwise, this could have been a bumper sized episode just for stories from Hoarse - imagine that!

This was an amusing shot though. Let’s all hide behind the pink car whilst we wait to apprehend the “master criminals”.

Also, as a little bonus, there’s plenty of behind the scenes pictures available for this episode.

[raquellmurillo]

ok hi so this is kind of a controversial opinion idk. but everyone‘s blaming palermo for nairobi‘s death when rio is literally the one who wasn‘t able to shoot gandia. i mean i understand it he was traumatized and all but he could have shot him in the leg or something like that?? and nobody‘s hating in him??

Oh yes, I agree. I think most people blame Palermo because he technically was one of the last, say, ‘dominos’, in Gandia’s escape.

If anyone should be blamed, I would honestly go for the professor. We had that whole flashback sequence of Berlin insisting that Gandia needs to be taken out asap otherwise its going to be a shit show.... the professor ignoring that for the sake of his ‘justice’ and ‘being the good guy’ ideology, ended up costing them a lot. Once again I think the s3&4 writers took the ‘we want to make them believe we’re robin hoods’ literally as ‘we’re robin hoods’. Killing innocent hostages is one thing, killing a government trained assassin who is out there to kill us.... is slightly different. Considering Sergio did as little as reveal Berlin’s identity for ‘killing’ a hostage. Anyhows...

Apart from giving him a few cute tips, I don’t think Palermo is too responsible. They all play a part... Palermo literally attempted to blow himself up with mines, what were they thinking? He won’t try anything else? Even an idiot would realise something is up. Also, not only did they take away his power, they tied him up and alienated him. As if they hadn’t learnt anything from the last heist; when Berlin did the same with Rio, (after Tokyo was thrown out and he refused to cooperate) he told the hostages the whole escape plan, which caused them to not be able to get out on time. ..... Did no one catch onto that one? And it was when they put Rio, probs the calmest and less impulsive one out of all of them, in that situation, he still snapped! 

Well, if anything, oh yes I will say this, from the parallel situations and similar train of thought, it would seem Palermo and Rio are nothing else but MirRoRs Of eAcH OtHEr ahahahaha

Both as outcasts, decided to do everything in their power to make sure the team didn’t succeed. They did eventually repent and realise their mistakes, but it was too late... lol (...I mean, suffered *litteraly* because of love tick love story directly linked to planning of the heist tick) imma stop before I make some ground breaking discovery lmao

If we’re not gonna call out Rio for Berlin’s death, why should we call out Palermo for Nairobi’s death? 

Yall gonna say it wasn't only Rio who contributed to the failure of the last heist, there were many factor. Well, same with Palermo and Nairobi’s death. We’ve even got a cute literary parallel to support this which I wasn’t expecting when I started writing this lol

I’d agree to say Rio defo has a lot of responsibility - his trauma to is a pathetic excuse, because its awfully narrated, with no consistency, simply not making it, in any sense, believable. As I’ve said already, and I’ll say again - less than 24h before, he fired a bigger weapon, a fucking missile thing, cooking a few people alive. All of a sudden he can’t shoot him in the leg? How? Where is this consistency? So, therefore, what exactly triggered this new ‘trauma’ which wasn’t a problem a few hours earlier? Was it Denver’s speech about Maserati’s? He can either fire any gun or he can’t. Oh didn’t he all of a sudden recover from his trauma when he decided to hunt down Gandia? Makeeee your mind up! Consistency is key; one second Rio is crying and the next he is killing people. 

I understand everyone recovers at their own pace; one can think they’ve nearly recovered yet suffer from another ‘wave’ of trauma. But this happens within days, weeks, months. It’s not a matter of minutes... 

but it seems everyone recovers at very quick paces; maybe the bank of Spain is the new Lourdes, because if you’re able to defend yourself from someone strangling you with a pillow (a situation which most people wouldn’t manage when healthy) so shortly after an operation when you should still technically be under the influence of anesthetics (source: my mum is an nurse anesthetist lol) it must be a fucking miracle 

[insert-pun-here-now]

So I just wanted to write something for Marley since I like Melissa, and I like Marley, and I like Glee but I dislike how the writers wrote the entire S4 and S5 newbies. (Like come on... Kitty, Ryder, Jake, Marley and Unique deserve way better. Even Joe and Sugar. Also, God bless Blake Jenner. Hate the sin, not the sinner.) So because I love Marley, here’s some angst and whump! You’re welcome, and I’m sorry!

Shooting Star- All or Nothing

Edit: Now has a masterpost!

TW: Violence, blood, panic attacks and eating disorders

The shooting was abrupt, fast, startling. It took Marley all but a few seconds to realize that the bangs were echoing down the halls weren’t the figments of her imagination from lack of eating, lack of sleep, lack of everything really. Everybody was screaming, ducking down by lockers and suddenly Marley was surrounded by a sea of bodies pushing to run away, run to the exit.

Her brain kicked into overdrive as she began to push past people, rushing for the choir room. The Glee club was right there, she had to go to the bathroom to vomit and she had been in the middle of walking back when it happened.

Another gunshot, loud and clear. To the left, maybe? She really did not want to pass out again, not like Sectionals. She was relatively surprised at how everyone blamed her, how everyone easily brushed it off, moved her eating disorder aside. Blaine, Sam, Jake and Unique were doing their best to help her, but without the support of the adults, there was practically nothing they could do.

And Marley was no less than human, and so she didn’t learn from her mistakes, feeling the need to be in more control after Sectionals, counting calories till it made her feel safer, made her feel like she was accomplishing something. Making her feel like she was worth something.

But now, all she was cursing herself for was for the woozy feeling she had as she reached the wall and near sagged against it, eyes fluttering shut for a moment as the world spun around her. The people and the noises made her head throb.

She tried to ignore it as she refocused on a goal: get to the choir room. Worry about her being sick later. She stumbled forward, using the lockers and the wall as a support, as people screamed and pushed past her, trying to get into rooms for safety. Her hand landed on the choir room door handle and with renewed strength, she turned it.

Locked.

Locked? Panic began to really set in, the feeling of the bile rising in her throat as she turned the handle over and over, almost rattling the door in her frustation and near-blind panic, heart thumping wildly in her ears, contesting with the gunshots coming closer.

“It’s Marley! It’s Marley!” Marley screamed, and her voice sounded raspy to her own ears. “It’s me! Let me in!” She pounded on the door weakly with her fists, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. “Help!”

No, no, no, this was not happening. Marley was standing in the hallway, with a guy carrying a machine gun trotting down the hallway, and he looked mad.

He looked so, so mad...

No. Marley refocused her attention to the door again, rattling it in pure desperation. She could make a break for it, but what were the chances he would miss?

Now she could hear voices from the other side of the door. A bit of yelling, something heavy moving from nearby. Orders were barked and the door swung open, arms yanking her into the room. The motion made her dizzy as she stumbled as Blaine fumbled to lock the door before Sam could push past and race outside.

It was a bit of a near miss. The gunshots made Marley’s brain throb with how loud they were, and it was only after falling to the floor abruptly, no longer held up by Ryder and Kitty, did she realize how close she was to being missed.

There was a graze by the top of her left shoulder, stinging from the fabric sticking to her skin from the blood. Kitty choked back a sob as the shooter finally reached their door. Mr. Schuester and Coach Beiste were trying to move the filing cabinet to block the door, but he was pretty determined to come in.

“Marls...” Jake gasped, face turning pale at the blood. The banging at the door would not stop, and it made Marley’s head hurt even more as the filing cabinet began to rattle with the force the shooter was hitting.

“It’s fine, it’s just a cut,” Marley reassured, but everything still felt so weird and spinny, and was she always this weak? She held a hand to her shoulder as she tried to stand, but black dots overcame her vision as she shook her head and crouched down onto the floor, crawling to where Artie, Sam and Blaine were positioned next to the piano.

Sam was still sobbing for Brittany, Blaine was sending a message to Kurt probably, and Artie was staring at her, wanting to say something but not having the courage to.

Everything was really spinning. She couldn’t shake the screaming in her mind, how out of control she felt, how weak she was. She couldn’t stop the voice telling her that she failed at even remaining at a good weight. Being thin takes some sacrifice, she had reminded herself. If she couldn’t take it, she was no good.

Kitty wasn’t the one to put the idea in her head- Marley already had it there in the first place. Kitty was just the final push to this deep, deep hole that she could not seem to get out of.

She could feel the tears welling in her eyes as she fumbled for her phone. She had to tell her mom she was sorry. Sorry for being the worst daughter. Sorry for not being good enough. Sorry that she was even there in the first place.

A text wouldn’t do. Her fingers were too shaky and she was trembling so much that a few times the phone clattered out of her hands, disguised by the sound of the shooter breaking the door, only held back by the filing cabinet and Mr. Schuester and Coach Beiste’s attempts to keep him out.

But she can’t call. Her mom couldn’t escape. Her mom could be with the shooters for all she knew. She didn’t even know if she was coherent enough for a call anyways.

Still, she sent a frenzy of babbling text messages, ridden with typos and mistakes due to her trembling hands, tears welling up in her eyes causing the screen to blur and her ever present headache and dizziness that seemed to ebb away, since she wasn’t standing.

“Stay with us, okay, Marley? We’re gonna get you help,” Blaine was saying, but Marley wasn’t convinced anyone could help her.

“I’m fine, it’s just a cut,” she slurred. She frowned at herself, repeating her sentence. Her voice was still raspy. Odd. She never sounded like this after purging.

“But you’re not okay,” Blaine protested, but it was no use. Marley reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze, mouthing, ‘it’s okay’ to him.

The shot echoed throughout the whole room as Mr. Schuester and Coach Beiste hit the deck and back away from the filing cabinet, which was easily moved aside by the shooter with a bit of effort.

“Finally! You Glee kids gave me and my partner a hard time,” the man sighed, nodding to a woman wearing a black motorcycle mask standing in the doorway. “We can bust into all the classrooms we want, shoot up a load of kids, but the choir room, somehow, is the hardest place to get into.”

He seemed to grin cockily, as they both stepped into the room, rifles sweeping across them. Everybody’s eyes seemed to track the guns’ muzzle movements, even Marley, whose dizziness and headache had now faded into a faint weakness.

“You sure you want to shoot them? They’re Glee kids. It’s not like anyone would miss them,” the woman snorted, keeping her guns trained on Mr. Schue and Coach.

“No, no, no no... there’s two cheerleaders here! And jocks!” the man grinned, as Kitty edged closer to Blaine, Sam, Artie and Marley. He also gestured to the McKinley jackets strewn on the chairs.

Jake tensed, Ryder tensed. Unique cowered, making sure to stay as small as possible. Joe and Sugar edged away from the woman, who was walking towards them while keeping her gun trained on the teachers.

“What’s the difference? They joined this pathetic club.”

“What’s the difference-? Seriously, you ask me that question?!” the man fumed, clearly having a flair for the dramatics. “It means they have quite the diverse group here. Yeah, people would miss them.” He tilted his head mockingly, sizing up each of them. Blaine crouched protectively in front of Marley, his hand clutching her free hand tightly. Kitty was gripping onto Artie’s sleeve for dear life. Sam was staring down the gun.

“Just hurry up, the police are almost here,” the woman snapped impatiently.

“Yes, mom,” he snapped back sarcastically before he trained the gun on Kitty. “I might as well start with the stupid blonde cheerleader bitch who looks like she makes everybody’s lives miserable. Am I right or am I right?”

Everyone stared at him with fear. His face twisted into a scowl as he stepped closer and backhanded her. “ANSWER ME, BITCH!”

“... no.” The answer was out of Marley’s mouth before she could stop it. “She’s not. I’m the one who makes everybody’s lives miserable. She’s been dealt a bad hand. I’m the one who cost everybody in this room a chance to prove themselves. A chance to show that we are better. She didn’t. I’m the one who burdens everybody with things that I don’t even know I ask of people. Like approval. Their time of day. Their love. I’m the one who doesn’t give anything back but keeps taking, taking, taking.”

The man still had the gun trained on Kitty, but he was staring at her in amusement. Everybody in the choir room was silent, even the woman tilted her head in rapt fascination and morbid curiosity.

“And who might you be?”

“I’m- I’m...” Marley had to swallow hard to push down a wave of nausea and dizziness. “I’m Marley Rose.”

“Rose... Rose... ah, yes... your father walked out on you when you were three. That man was a leeching scumbag. A conniving bastard in his own right and so many colourful adjectives I could describe him with. He said something about a daughter and a wife... he said you were the biggest mistake of his life.” He grinned wickedly when he saw Marley let out a tiny gasp.

“How... how do you know my dad?”

“Your dad is a pretty popular drug dealer and drug runner. News travels. Why am I not surprised that his daughter turned out to be more of a wimp than he was?” he mused, looking at all of them. “You her boyfriend?” he addressed Blaine.

“No, but stay away from her,” Blaine snapped.

“Nice try, pretty face, but I think that’s not the case.”

His hand snapped out, yanking at Marley’s hair as she screamed, dragging her along the floor by her hair.

“Marley!” Blaine cried, but fell back as the man aimed his gun at him.

“C, change of plans... we shoot one person. Only one. These kids look like they need to be taught a lesson,” he aimed this at the woman.

“They are just kids!” Mr. Schue yelled, and the woman raised her rifle again.

“No talking. And A, for what it’s worth, that seems so much fun than just bloody murder. Didn’t we come to leave a message?”

A shrugged, before dropping Marley unceremoniously in the middle of the choir room floor. “I think we need to leave them several.”

“Get off,” Marley tried, trying to crawl away from A, but he set a heavy boot on her chest, making her wheeze. He smirked further as he could feel her ribs practically through the thin material of her shirt.

“Glee kids... did you know she felt this way? I don’t think anyone’s supposed to be that ghastly looking, don’tcha think? I mean, man, this is too easy to do. Just watch.” He applied more pressure to the right side of Marley’s ribs, earning him a snap and an ear-piercing wail that quickly turned into a rasp and muffled sobs. He looked around, knowing that everyone was watching. They couldn’t just look away. But he needed an answer. He needed to wipe it in their faces. “Well?!”

“Maybe? Yes? N-no...?” Ryder tried, and A barked out a laugh.

“I’m gonna take that as a ‘some people know but don’t do shit about it’ kinda thing. Y’know? But it’s really odd. Usually you’d notice when someone was that thin. Marley, dear, did you hear that? You don’t mean anything to them. You probably never will. If your dad didn’t want you, what makes you think they will?”

“That’s not true!” Kitty defended, and A barely flinched, now putting a foot on Marley’s throat.

“If you don’t tell the truth, I’ll slowly suffocate her,” he said calmly, applying more pressure. Marley’s eyes bulged, hands flying up to the boot on her throat and trying to push it off. Her breaths caught and there was a radiating pain in her chest each time she moved.

She wheezed, and then whimpered as the very action of breathing seemed to cause so much pain. Everything was spinning, blurring, black dots appearing in her vision.

Her lungs screamed for oxygen. But as they did, her broken ribs seemed to stab into her body even more. Her face was turning purple as Kitty finally could not take the whimpers and mini screams of pain and deep gasping anymore.

“... it’s true,” Kitty relented and A sighed, lifting his foot from Marley’s throat. She took a deep breath of air, before choking and groaning in pain.

“See how easy that was? To admit it?”

Everybody else in the room but Marley knew it was a partial lie. They did care. Marley meant something to them... but they didn’t do anything about it. They abandoned her. But Marley never abandoned them. She was always that kind, supportive friend. Always with the smile and being helpful. She’ll stand up to others for others, but not for herself.

Her pulled his foot back and kicked Marley in the stomach hard. He angled it into her chest too, making her scream further, as blood spurted from her mouth, staining her teeth and the ground in front of her. She coughed out more blood weakly, curling up slightly as it dripped from her mouth. Her tired eyes met Kitty’s for a while as A circled around her like a predatory eagle.

“What is it they probably think? Oh, I know. Everybody, you may stop me if I am wrong. But at least one of you thought and felt these following thoughts...” he cleared his throat, and then he slammed his foot into Marley’s back.

“Why was she in Glee club? I don’t want her here.”

His foot landed on her left wrist, offering another painful snap and crack and break. Kitty looked away at the words. Artie looked guilty.

“I don’t even know why I’m friends with her.”

Unique closed her eyes as he aimed a kick at her face, towards her jaw. The kick broke her jaw as her mouth hung open, leaking blood from the corner of her mouth. There was a whimper, a whine.

“She’s too high maintenance.”

Mr. Schue and Coach Beiste fidgeted. He slammed his foot fully into her stomach, and a low, pained groan came from her as she writhed on the floor. Her eyes were half open, trying to focus on Kitty, Artie, Sam and Blaine.

“I’m embarrassed to be with her.”

Jake, Ryder and Sam hung their heads. A grabbed her by the front of her shirt and punched her in the face, aiming for her eye. He missed a little, slamming his fist into her nose and... now that was bleeding too. There was a red mark beginning to appear on her face, by her right eye.

“I have not thought one of those things,” Blaine steadfastly said.

“That’s because deep down inside, you know she’s struggling. So you pity her. You don’t actually care, you just pity the little girl you see inside this one.” Marley’s head turned a little to focus on Blaine, as if pleading for him to make it true.

“No.” But Blaine’s tone gave it all away. Marley’s eyes just turned sad, resigned, hopeless.

“Wow... no one cares huh?” A chuckled, kicking Marley in the ribs a few more times, causing more snaps and breaks and hoarse screams of pain. “You all should be ashamed.”

“You’re hurting her!” Kitty shouted this time, voice cracking due to fear, guilt, anger...

“My dear blonde cheerleader...” A laughed lowly, leveling the gun at Kitty’s forehead. “... you all already did.”

BANG!

“Psych!” A grinned, as Kitty flew backwards. Artie moved to catch her, just barely managing to protect her head from coming in a rough landing. “HA! You really think I was going to get rid of one of the people who needed to hear that message? You all are funny!”

Kitty’s eyes fluttered open, as she tried to register what was going on. She should be dead.

But she wasn’t.

“Marley!” Jake yelled, as Marley’s hand was pulled away from her stomach to find the blood dripping from her hands.

He shot Marley instead.

“It seemed fitting. I thought, why not get rid of what you all didn’t care about? After all, it seems easier that way than dealing with the problem. It’s a blessing and a curse, honestly. I’ll put her out of her misery, but I’m not that kind with a bullet to the head. I want you all to feel my message... and Marley, your dad has now repaid his debt to me. I guess your life finally came in useful.”

“Marley!” Kitty screamed, and every part of Marley felt cold, except for her broken bones. Those, she felt, were hot and swollen and she couldn’t move them much. Her left hand was limp, wrist broken to the point where she could see a bit of the bone jutting out and it was burning, burning hot pain. Her vision was going in and out as her body expelled more blood via her mouth. Her right hand pressed against her stomach, where he shot her, and she could feel the stabbing pain, as if someone placed a hot poker at her stomach and left it there. She could vaguely realize the shooters leaving.

“Someone get a towel!”

“This jacket will work, right?”

“Hey, Marley, stay awake for me, honey, okay?”

Her eyes were scanning, unable to focus on any one thing. Faces were drifting in and out of focus, the pain seemed to be overwhelming. She felt like she had felt this pain so much that she practically lived in this state of pain. Her eyelids were heavy, like bricks weighing them down.

All Marley’s life she had been faced with bullying, loss of control, pain, suffering, being ostracized and now she was dying. It was so peaceful she felt like she didn’t deserve it. But she also knew it wouldn’t matter if she slipped away.

No one cared.

“I love you guys anyways...” she slurred, almost unheard except by Blaine and Sam.

She was so tired. She was ready to just lie back and fall asleep. Ryder was freaking out at this point, Unique was stuck between pacing, Sam was about to cry with worry and fear, Jake looked like he wanted to scream, Kitty screamed, Joe was praying feverishly to God, Sugar was... oddly calm despite the tears flowing down her face, Artie had a death grip on Kitty’s Cheerio cheerleading uniform, face white as a ghost, Mr. Schue was barking instructions but half of them made zero sense, Coach Beiste was trying to calm everybody down, Blaine was still trying to uselessly place his hands over Marley’s bullet wound, as if it would desperately put back all the blood she lost into her body.

“It’s okay,” Marley whispered. “You can let go now.”

“No,” Blaine protested, shaking his head wildly. “No, no, no, no. Please, god no. Please, Marley. Marley, no.”

“HEY!” Jake screamed, running to the broken down door. “HELP US! HELP US! SOMEBODY!”

Marley’s eyes were hazy and unfocused, flitting from one face to another as the corner of her mouth twitched up into a barely noticeable smile.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no, what are you sorry for?” Ryder asked, gripping Marley’s free hand as if hanging onto it would prevent her from dying.

“Everything.” Her eyes flicked from Blaine to Ryder to Kitty. Sam had moved away, unable to take being away from Brittany, running his hands through his hair as his hysterical outside cracked and the tears began to flow. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay... it’s okay,” Ryder reached out and tenderly wiped Marley’s tears. She hissed lightly at the touch, whimpering slightly. “You don’t have to apologize for anything.”

“If anything, we’re the ones who have to apologize,” Kitty said, kneeling on the pool of Marley’s blood that seemed to grow bigger every second. “Marley, please.”

“I’m scared,” Marley admitted. “I’m scared of dying and being alone again. Don’t leave me.”

“We won’t,” Artie finally said, tears springing free. “Never again. We’re family.”

“Don’t leave me, I’m scared,” Marley uttered quietly, and then her eyes slipped shut. “I’m sorry.”

Blaine roared. He roared like he could shout out all that he was feeling, all the pain and frustration and the anger and everything- and he was scared too. He considered Marley to be one of his closer friends, the only one from the newbies he really connected with.

He shouted and screamed and sobbed as the paramedics arrived with Jake in tow and when he saw Blaine trying to gather Marley in his arms, sobbing, his heart shattered, running towards Blaine.

“Where the hell were you?!” Blaine shouted, as the paramedics were trying to extract Marley from him. No one was sure if he was shouting at Jake or the paramedics. “SHE NEEDED YOU! YOU WEREN’T THERE!”

“Sir, please let go...”

“Blaine,” Sam said calmly, putting a hand on Blaine’s shoulder, the cheerleader stiffening at the touch and turning to Sam. The tears told him all he needed to know. “Let go of her.”

No one wanted Blaine to. The energy was abuzz in the room. Because they all felt guilty for what they didn’t do. And letting her go felt like a finality, a regret they would have to carry for the rest of their lives, regardless of whether she lives or dies.

Sam’s grip on his shoulder tightened. “Please.”

Blaine slowly uncurled from Marley, and for the first time, he dreaded calling the old members. He dreaded calling Santana and telling her what happened to her mentee, dreaded calling Finn to tell him what happened to one of their Glee members, dreaded calling Kurt saying that he failed one of his friends by failing to be there. Not the first time that happened, anyways, but he promised himself that it would never happen again.

Everything was a blur once she left him. It took some tugging, some sobbing, some begging, pleading and some inner strength in all of their heads to get up and trudge towards the door.

For the first time, they all shrank back from the bright sun like a giant spotlight on their misdeeds. And for the first time, Mr. Schue would weep when he got back home. For the first and last time, Finn would feel like he failed a student.