#also this is my own challenge first and foremost for me so I shouldn't be this stressed given i can just finish late and do late entries if

[wandaxpietro]

me, stressed and sick and trying desperately to finish writing fic in time bcuz of writer's block: ok but what if I start hosting scarletsilver week every year

[bloggingboutburgers]

Heyyyyy, got a question if you don't mind

I'm aroace. The problem (I think) is that I'm not visibly aroace (can one even be visibly aroace?) and I'm also quite antisocial in general.

It's not that I'm hiding it (I can (I think) casually mention it when relevant) or that I'm in the closet, I just don't really feel the need to change my appearance due to it. If that makes sense

Anyway, now for the (I suppose) controversial bit.

Due to not being "visibly" queer, I don't face (I think at least) the using discrimination (or whatever you call it).

And due to that I sometimes (quite often) don't feel like I'm "actually" queer/aroace.

And yes, I know that it super fucked up to "want" (not the right word, but I'm not English. Just to clarify in case it's not obvious, I do not actual want that) to face the challenges other people do.

Any advice for this?

(extra appreciated if the advice doesn't include going out and/or meeting people, it that's just wishful thinking)

Hey! OK, I hope I don't ruin anyone's day (including yours) or say anything that might be harmful to anyone, as always I'm not gospel and can only speak from my own experience...

...But long story short, honestly, if you don't feel discriminated against, and don't suffer from it on a day to day basis... That's awesome!! And... I feel weird having to say this, but I don't think suffering discrimination should be a requirement for being queer, should it? I mean, that's literally our goal, as queer people, to end discrimination against ourselves, so if this is a demonstration that we're getting closer to that, that's awesome, honestly!

...But yeah. I mean... I hope it's not a stretch to say, but I can imagine there's quite a few queer people out there (not just aroaces) who have had the luck in their life never to be discriminated against, and I hope that continues for them, because... Yeah, that's the goal!

Being queer isn't about that, I don't think. I think first and foremost what defines you as queer is that you deviate from the hetero norm that is viewed as the "default" in society. And I've said that before and I'll say it again, because it might be even harder to actually integrate as an aroace (there's so much external pressure from in and out of the queer community, and yeah, like you said, it's hard to be visible when your orientation revolves around the ABSENCE of something), but you don't have to prove anything to anyone. If you feel you're aroace, then you are. It oughta be that simple most times.

Plus... Not feeling discriminated against at one point in your life sadly doesn't mean that won't happen later down the line. When I discovered myself as aroace as a teen, I didn't really feel my orientation gave me many problems, other than having zero resources at the time to figure out what I was even existed, and being mistaken for gay and facing the occasional homophobia because I didn't date boys. But after a while, after getting into adulthood and being dismissed a couple too many times when I mention my orientation, after the lack of rep getting to me at times (though hey, there IS rep, which I didn't even think I'd see in my lifetime), or after people decide you're old enough to ask you when you're gonna get married too many times for comfort (why do people even do that?), it kinda stuck with me to the point where I wanted to vent in comics. I don't have much to complain about in my life at all! Thankfully the laws in my country or the society I live in can't FORCE me to follow a hetero pattern, so the worst I get is systemic stuff and micro-aggressions, so yeah, I have it good. It's just an itch on a day-to-day. But yeah, made me wanna talk about it sometimes I guess.

But yeah! My bottomline would be: you're in a good situation, from what I understand, and that's great. I hope for you that it lasts. And you shouldn't feel guilty or less valid as an aroace or as a queer person for it. Your experience and your identity are what they are and no one can define your identity but yourself. I know saying "don't feel guilty" or "feel more valid" is easier said than done, but I hope that helps, anyway TwT

[teenie-xf]

THE X-FILES 30TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION

30 years ago today, my mother sat down to watch a brand new show called The X-Files after putting my brother and I to bed, and thought to herself "hmm 🤔 this creepy little show would be of interest to my precocious 10-year old daughter" 👽

Sure enough, she let me stay up late the following Friday and I was immediately hooked. So began a now thirty year obsession with this show that is just as strong today. Did I have nightmares after watching it? Yes. Did I enjoy the thrill anyway? Also yes. There's a reason why I'm an avid crime and horror junkie now as an adult 😉

I've been told many times over the years that I shouldn't be so attached to it, but it was so much more than "just" a TV show to me. It was monumental for my pre-teen self to watch Dana Scully being depicted as a strong female character holding her own in a male-dominated world. She was respected first and foremost because of her intelligence and expertise, and her male partner treated her as an equal above all else, even if they didn't agree on each other's theories.

She was a role model unlike anything else on TV at the time (my mom didn't let me watch 90210 or Baywatch but this, this was fine lol). And though I myself didn't follow Scully's footsteps into a career in science, medicine or law enforcement, I was still shaped by her character. Beyond learning oodles of random trivia from this series, I learned the importance of trust & faith, perseverance, resiliency, and tenacity.

Visually, the show was a cinematic masterpiece. I appreciate that aspect more and more the older I get. And while some of the costumes and technology used on the show may seem dated now, the cinematography and special effects still hold up to this day.

And, ohhh, to top it all off, at its core the show was a love story. Not only was the chemistry between Gillian & David absolutely magnetic, but there was something about the slow burn between the characters that captured my interest; how they were such opposites who complimented/completed the other. It's likely why my relationship with my husband works so well, because we challenge and inspire one another in the same way that was modeled by Mulder & Scully's dynamic.

Today's anniversary is a special one and I'm grateful that my mom took a chance as a parent and shared this show with me (and later supported my obsession) ❤️

[mycoins]

Ok, let’s talk earnestly ; Why are you okay with a afab harassing transgender girls? Your bio states you are TMA but you continue to defend and be mutually friendly with a user who hates us, explain.

aite so obviously i dunno who you are and i'm not either of these people and i wanna say come back with a warrant but sure let's have a genuine chat

i know it's considered lame online to ask people to do their own research and actually form an opinion based on the reality of what has happened and whatever power has transacted, but the answer to why i feel the way i feel and think the way i think is just... that.

the trans woman i assume we're talking about lied about a black person online inciting death threats against... the creator of homestuck... when he didn't. she shouldn't have done that, and she really shouldn't have doubled down on the idea that she can't be antiblack (especially in the hilarious way she did it)

what is really challenging to me about this ask is the way it is using its identity markers. you say "afab" like tyler isn't a trans person, you reserve the word "transgender" for the girls you are (i'm assuming, i don't know who you are) are close with or "sided" with. my bio "states" i am TMA because I am. you want a selfie, i'll post a selfie.

i am, also, white, as is the transgender woman i assume we're talking about. an identifier you didn't mention for tyler is that he is black. naturally, as white people it should be our responsibility to listen FIRST AND FOREMOST when a black person tells us we are being antiblack. and yes, that SHOULD trump what we perceive as a transphobic microaggression (obviously violent transphobia we shouldn't ignore it.)

see, if it were as simple as you described it in the ask, i wouldn't be so readily defending someone, but it isn't that simple. because of the way i grew up and the people that taught me to be conscientious and sensitive (all the trans women that personally mentored and supported me were black) i just can't stand the idea of wanton ignorance to the subconscious colorism that informs the actions of people.

i can't really address you, the asker, directly because to me you don't actually exist. the only thing i can tell you is i think the way i do because i love trans people, and i want to be good to people who experience vectors of oppression outside my own lived experience. i find ideas of transfeminine separatism to be contrary to everything i've learned about queer unity and liberation.

do i think tyler shoots his mouth of sometimes? yeah, sure. but that's only an irredeemable crime and "harassment" because he's black and people are willing to ignore his identity as trans. do i think trans women on this site are actively harassed and that this site has a MASSIVE bias against transfem ppl? Duh. But this isn't a symptom of that.

i don't even really know why you want MY opinion on this, i'm just some bitch, but there you go. if you wanna talk more you can dm me as long as its in good faith

[risingshards]

I'm reflecting on my writing a bit, once more thinking about the creative cycles I get on because I'm maybe hitting a familiar roadblock again. Thinking and writing about my personal creative cycles could be useful, but I'm prefacing that I usually just do all these over again so this could also be egotistical navel gazing that doesn't accomplish much of anything.

Maybe important to note I don't feel I have as much of a cycle for the web novels, this is mainly for me attempting to do the equivalent of building an insanely hard Lego kit without instructions that is me writing a manuscript with the intent of shopping it around for a traditional publisher. So once again (this is like my fifth post about this I'm sorry LOL) my cycle for trying to write a tradpub manuscript post college:

I get hit with a sudden desire to do tradpub project (“something to bring to my workshop group,” “A way to flex different creative muscles,” “just want to write something for traditional publishers,” “the beat sheet,” “something to tinker and experiment with,” “trying to climb that big tradpub mountain,” etc.)

I get really excited about it!

I write 1 (one) chapter and bring to workshop, then ride the buzz of them liking it!

I maybe get some more work done on worldbuilding or some more scenes and it feels good and fun. Maybe an outline gets done.

I try to write more chapters. Keyword try. Suddenly it’s not fun. Suddenly writing it is like pulling teeth. Suddenly I'm just trying to write for a publisher and it gets too cynical and I think about all the trends and tropes and corporate stuff and I don't like that feeling.

I then have an epiphany about writing Rising Shards and my other web novels (well just one other at the moment with Reborn but I have other WIP web novels that are going fine) and how I should focus on my main projects first and foremost and how nice it is I have projects I really truly enjoy that express my soul with a medium/format I really love.

Interest continues to wane for new WIP while still I note something like “it’d be fun to have a side project, just something to tinker with, and I’d love to tackle that tradpub mountain someday…”

I write in my diary/post on here about it and then remember that I have this cycle and do this constantly (seriously I've done this like 5 times lol) .

Parts of WIP make it into another project, tradpub ideas abandoned.

Repeat at step 1 after a while.

Going through this so many times you think I'd just get the hint and not try this again. IDK if I'm just like incapable of writing that Mythical Tradpub Project™ but some days it feels like it. When my web novels flow so well and are such fun projects to work on and make me so happy, that I shouldn't worry so much about that tradpub mountain. Generally, that's the way I go. And it's worked out for me so far. I don't make much money on my writing yet, but I have readers. There is a big thing from the Tapas True Love contest coming that I am not entirely sure how much I can say about it yet, but it's something that's bigger than any of my tradpub manuscript attempts, which probably says something big about my weird wrestling game wlw isekai doing better than my "surely publishers will like this" manuscripts.

Maybe I won’t ever be able to take on that tradpub challenge, to build that mythical bajillion piece Lego set, but I am feeling good about the path I'm on writing wise. A writer friend was talking to one of our college profs, who's a published author that works on scripts and such so they're in the know was saying how full our genre is and how big print publishing just kinda sucks right now. That whole mood was a big part of me deciding to self publish Rising Shards as a web novel (including time of me working at a publisher that helped motivate me to get RS out the way I wanted it), and I haven't regretted that one bit.

Again, why do I keep trying when the fruitful path for me has been rejecting that and forging my own way without trying to appease some lit agent or whoever? Maybe it's a chip on my shoulder. Maybe it's just the like "I've been thinking about going about it this way since high school, I should at least try." A lot of my writer friends are trying and it makes me want to try too. It's that pie in the sky big lottery ticket win of writers (but probably a lot more attainable than a big lottery ticket win.)

What does that mean for my Wolves of Hope and Stardust project? IDK. I love that name. I like the premise, I thought it'd be the one to break through my "ugh feeling at chapter two" vibe. I’ve put a lot of thought into it so surely it’ll end up somewhere. I have notebooks specifically for it, one for worldbuilding and one to try and hand write it. Maybe this is just a blip and I'll pick up work on it again. For now, this summer is gonna be Rising Shards, Reborn in a Fighting Game with My Rival, and Collab Project as my big ones. I might tinker a bit with Wolves, but maybe this time I really need to go SLOOOOWLY and build it up to try and find a way around me hating it by the second chapter. Having an experimental project is fun, and I have a rough idea for a thing I wanna do at some point (I'll put that in a separate post) but I usually fall on this loop and end up going "Wait I love Rising Shards and Reborn and collab project the most." So next time you see me talking about some new tradpub project to finally climb that mountain, maybe link this one so I can give myself some reasonable expectations.

[highdio]

Got an ask and follow-up re: whether Dio is an "archetypal villain" so doing it as one reply (fwiw I just did a reply re: Dio's nuance so keeping this to the 'archetype' part of the ask).

“so, i seen some people say Dio is simply a archetypal villain, perhaps even flat. what would you say to someone that told you he was without nuance? i plenty believe he has, but sometimes i dont know exactly what to say”

“someone i asked about what was their favorite villain told me he was a archetypal villain. and i think two years ago i saw a meme pic about how Dio fans are obnoxious or something. i mostly got my liking from him by analyses, alongside the fact that i do think personally that he DID change as a character, not completely, but he had some development.”

I partly agree with that, although maybe there's not one single 'archetypal villain.’ The person you spoke with probably meant that Dio's is Evil with a capital 'E,' as opposed to a villain who does the bad things for understandable reasons, or who gets corrupted by events outside their control. Araki's vision for Dio (in Part 1 especially) is, morally speaking, black-and-white, with Dio's Evil defined by Araki as an innate trait rather than the effect of his circumstances.

fwiw David Mamet's got a good list of eight villain archetypes - the anti-villain, the beast, the bully, the machine, the mastermind, the evil incarnate, the henchman, and the fanatic - and I thought for the purpose of this reply it's helpful to defining Dio's specific brand of badness. Of those archetypes, two stand out as defining Dio's *specific* type: the Evil Incarnate and (technically not on the list but inspired by it) the Anti-Hero.

(fwiw you can read my convo here about why Dio isn't a bully type. I see him mistyped this way especially by people who want to expand Jonathan's role in the series. tl;dr, basically it comes down to the fact that Dio's charisma - his most important character trait btw - draws people toward him while a bully actively seeks out confrontation. The bully barges into a room, the charismatic character gets you to barge into a room. Dio is the latter.)

Evil Incarnate's almost self-explanatory - Dio's literally called that in the series (邪悪の化身) - although I can talk more about this if you want. By contrast, his anti-hero role's maybe less obvious ... but that designation offers us a way of reconciling some of the stuff listed under Mamet's 'Evil incarnate' that doesn't work with how Dio's written. Specifically, an Evil incarnate-type villain's primary role in the narrative is usually as an obstacle to the hero's journey, ie, as an antagonist. imo, Dio functions instead primarily as a parallel protagonist.

(I've written about this before but) Araki's said this a lot: Dio joins Jonathan as a dual protagonist in Phantom Blood, and Dio's own story follows a Hero's rising arc.

(Was surprised I didn't notice this until I hunted a gif for this reply: while the Part 1 OP features both main characters throughout, it's Dio alone who's given a special manga panel mini-montage during its bridge, emphasizing his hero-style arc.)

In a lot of ways Dio's more fleshed out than the actual hero since Araki had already worked out the specifics of his personality in a prior series (whereas Jonathan was vaguer to Araki, even as Part 1 was being published: "just as Jonathan was unsure how to live his life, I was unsure as to where to take his character.") Phantom Blood starts off with Dio's introduction, not Jonathan's. As Araki puts it,

The title of the series is Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, but first and foremost, I actually wanted to draw Dio.

The hero's introduction is inserted within Dio's introduction, as a story-within-a-story recalled in a flashback by Dio's dad. We don't get to meet Jonathan on his own terms until the next chapter, and, because of this ordering, if you read Part 1 cold you could start off thinking it's Dio who's going to be the hero. Dio's story's a riff on your stereotypical rags-to-riches tale but with the obvious twist that he's written as unapologetically Evil. Like the rags-to-riches protag, Dio's faced with increasingly difficult setbacks and challenges throughout his story's progress, and, in spite of these, he keeps moving forward. Araki, again:

Dio moves in a rising direction, like Jonathan. Dio accepts and embraces his evil nature and follows his dark path without hesitation. In other words, both Dio and Jonathan are living life with everything they’ve got, and both always maintain a rising personal arc.

In other words, Dio has his own upward rising arc by design and it's independent of the hero's. ofc his interactions with the Joestars throughout the series are significant and their back-and-forths drive the larger story, but the trajectory of Dio's arc remains largely the same throughout all this.

If you see Dio as a protagonist then you also recognize that Jonathan's (and later Jotaro and company's) relentless pursuit (yes, they pursue him, because charisma is a gravitational force) provides the antagonistic force to Dio's arc. (And going back to the Araki quote, that "without hesitation part" is really important - Dio's willful embrace of his Evil nature and the intentionality of his actions throughout Part 1 again align him with a heroic type: it's a positive character trait, just in Dio's case it's executed wrongly.)

So call Dio an anti-hero or, if it makes you more comfortable, a Villain who thinks he's the Hero in the story. This isn't a unique situation (and probably as you're reading this you might be thinking, well all villains have their own story arc too)  but imo Araki writing Dio with this specific perspective and intent sets him apart from what we think of as the more generic model of a villain, whose role within the narrative is secondary to the hero's and whose arc is cleanly set up as in opposition to that hero.

Ofc, a villainous anti-hero is by nature appealing because we know we really shouldn't root for him. We should hate him ... but we still sort of love him, especially when, because of that rising story arc that Araki gave him, he keeps coming back after stupidly impossible odds. Usually when you get decapitated you lose but Dio's not like that, and there's something compelling about a character who repeatedly breaks the narrative flow by improv-ing his way through impossible situations.

tl;dr, basically if you're looking to characterize what 'type' of villain Dio is (and why he's attractive), Dio is Evil personified fused with the inconvenient fact of his also being more or less protagonist-identified. Araki wrote Dio with a hero in mind, and that fact keeps him interesting on his own terms and places him in the contrarian posture of a particularly reprehensible anti-hero.

[lokiondisneyplus]

Loki spoilers won't be found here.

Loki shouldn't exist. Not as a show anyway. Despite being perhaps Marvel's most popular character on screen, Loki snuffed it at the start of Avengers: Infinity War. But of course, that didn't stick for long, what with him being a god and all.

Following the return of an alternate Loki in Avengers; Endgame, Thor's mischievous brother is now working to fix the timeline alongside an organisation known as the Time Variance Authority (TVA). It's a weird starting point for one of Marvel's most unique characters, but in a world where people fly and heroes are named after bugs, weird is most welcome. In fact, that's exactly why fans are so passionate about Marvel, and that includes Loki director Kate Herron.

"I remember trying to turn one of my Barbies into Storm, and I melted her hair off," says Herron. As far as Marvel entry points go, that has to rank up there with the very best. And just like Kate grew up "loving the X-Men cartoon," a whole new generation will grow up adoring shows like Loki.

Herron tells us that she's always loved the God of Mischief, so when she heard that Loki would be starring in his own solo outing, she immediately had to get involved. "I remember saying to my agent, 'Just keep calling them. Just keep calling them. Eventually, they will cave, and they will meet me.'"

Once she was in the room with Disney, Kate showed them a 60-page pitch document that included "everything" in it. "I figured, go big or go home, because I knew I’d be up against some really experienced directors, and I thought, 'Well, I’m not going to lie to them' and be like, 'I’m the most experienced person you’re meeting.’ But I thought I’d just be the most passionate."

"Loki defines what the vibe of the MCU has become. He was that, almost from the beginning."

Clearly, it worked, and not long after, Herron started to collaborate with Loki head writer Michael Waldron, another Marvel fan who took an unusual path to reach this point. Before joining the House of Mouse, Michael worked in the Rick and Morty writers room, which he describes as a sort of "sci-fi college" where he was "inundated with science-fiction knowledge all day, every day."

Riffing on obscure Marvel characters for Rick and Morty put Waldron in good stead for the challenges he would face writing Loki. "Obviously that kind of sci-fi multiversal world was adjacent to what Marvel is doing more and more of. My brain was really finely tuned for that, heading into the MCU world."

In his first pitch meeting, Michael described Loki himself as pivotal to this world that Marvel has created. "He defined what the sense of humour and the vibe of the MCU had become. He was that, almost from the beginning." It's vital then that Marvel gets this show right, and that's something both Michael and Kate are fully aware of.

Not only does Herron want to "pay respect and homage to a character that people love," she also wants to ensure "there’s a reason why we’re going back in," by "taking Loki to fresh ground."

Of course, covering "fresh ground" can be risky, especially with a "six-hour movie" like this. And that's why Waldron was "terrified" longtime Marvel fans might find their show too complex or inaccessible. "That was my biggest fear. It keeps me up at night," says Michael. But the writers room rose to that challenge by starting from the ground up.

"We had to establish a logical foundational sci-fi reality for the show. It’s the TVA. They police time. That meant that we had to create rules, and build out what do they do? Why do they do it? For the writers’ room, they all had drawings and stuff like this on the whiteboards."

"That was my biggest fear. It keeps me up at night."

"And that necessitates really complex explanations and ideas," Michael continues. "Then you have to figure out: 'OK, how can we boil this down into a very simple way so that the audience is going to understand what Loki is going through, but they’re not going to feel like they’re in science class? They’re not going to tune out because they’re bored?'"

That doesn't seem likely though. Waldron describes himself as the show's "harshest critic," so he was quick to call out scenes or bits of dialogue that might not work. "I’m very easily bored," says Michael. "I fall asleep easily in anything." And it was this low threshold that helped him navigate those trickier exposition scenes in ways that will still hold the viewer's interest.

And it also helps that we've never seen Loki quite like this before. As Kate points out, "Loki's in a very different place to where we’ve seen him in the last 10 years. We’re taking him on a very unique, new journey. It’s him working out who he is, and trying to basically undo this mess he’s made with time, with the TVA."

Although there will be nods to the comics, Herron says that Loki's journey here is something we've "not seen or read before." And that's also true of where we're at in the MCU right now. Post-Endgame, this is a very different world to the one Stan Lee envisioned all those many years ago.

Michael remembers when the Loki writer's room was fortunate enough to watch an early cut of Avengers: Endgame, and then suddenly they realised, "We’re making Loki in this era after that." So what comes next? "To me, that was exciting – this unchartered territory of 'where does the MCU go?' It felt like, more than ever, that sandbox – we could blow the lid on it, and go wherever we wanted to."

No comic book characters were off-limits to Waldron and his team either. "If they were within the rights, and legal could clear it, there was no reason we couldn’t try and chase them down." And when we pressed him on possible cameos, Michael simply told us to "Expect the unexpected."

"Loki's in a very different place to where we’ve seen him in the last 10 years."

That's often par for the course with new shows like this, but we have no reason to doubt Michael here, because for once, it really does seem like Loki will be different from anything that's come before. Kate says just when it looked like things might be getting "too" weird — "They’re not going to let me do this" – Marvel told her, “No, go weirder.”

So yes, keep an eye out for "twists and turns" and sure, look out for wider "ramifications" that will impact the MCU at large. But first and foremost, except things to get real weird real fast. Could melty-haired Storm even appear for a multiverse cameo? Probably not, but that's exactly the kind of chaos we're expecting to see in the God of Mischief's very first solo venture.

Loki premieres on June 9, 2021, streaming exclusively on Disney+.

[deleteddewewted]

Incel!Shinsou Oneshot: "Why are you acting like that?”

To keep busy I just thought that a oneshot of Shinsou getting self conscious/needy would be cute since we already have his redemption arc rolling in. The next part of the Incel!Shinsou series (Part 3) will have him proving his worth at the Sports Festival. So in thinking of how he will prove himself to you I thought of how will all of those people affect him, especially you. ( This oneshot takes place pre changes, so Shinsou is still his disgusting self but he's figuring out how to woo a woman, especially of your caliber.)

Incel!Shinsou Series:

Part 1: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Part 2: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Incel!Shinsou Headcanons

"I know what you're doin' here. Made your intentions clear. Oh you, you terrible thing, you. Terrible thing, you. Terrible thing, you. Beautiful thing"

TW: Strong Language, Mild Sexism

People were never an obstacle when it came to the things Shinsou wanted. He’s aware that others would do anything for him if he played his cards right. The right words with the right question did wonders for him. So why the fuck couldn’t he have what he wanted when it came to you? You drove him up the wall with the kindness you showed him. He didn’t deserve it and you’re existence almost felt like a punishment from whatever deity that existed out there to make him suffer. You guys were suppose to be studying for your upcoming project that required a poster, a slide show, and one influential person that would help prove your projects point. You left him running circles within his own mind as to how you were so willing to challenge him. He wanted you to obey him not see through his bullshit. It wasn’t like you didn’t listen to him vent, or didn't give him attention, but he wanted to hold you under his control. To be the person you listened to.

In class you where both seated on the extreme ends of the room on opposite sides. You never realized this (you do), but his head would periodically turn towards your direction to look at you, to figure you out (liar). This time, you managed to catch him do it.

“What are you doing?” You asked plainly. You honestly didn’t care that he was staring, everyone does when you dress like you're attending an MCR concert in the middle of autumn.

“You look different....today.”

“Nice.” It was difficult to care. Shinsou was just some guy in your class that you had to deal with. Nothing special really....ok, maybe it wasn’t fully true. You didn’t really know him all that well or anything (Unless it was mocking and belittling everything you did, that was normal behavior for him so it wasn’t surprising to find out he was like that outside of campus.) but he wasn’t all that bad? If he cared for himself a bit more, hygiene wise he would be considered handsome or at least a competent human being (you weren't going to call him a man, men don't act this childish. At least the ones you knew.) Maybe then you would take his opinion seriously, but for now you’ll ignore his...interesting comments he's been throwing towards you today.

“It’s rude to ignore someone when their talking to you, you know?” The neutral face he had now possessed a frown and a furrow to his brows. You still couldn’t process how he took the time to make sure his hair stayed purple but didn’t care for his body odor. (This man dyes his hair purple yet cant bother to shower or use deodorant for once in his life.)

“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just not interested in anything you have to say.” With that you get up and take your things and leave. There was no point in wasting time on someone who couldn’t even look at you directly and had to also sneak glances at you. "Do I really look that unbearable?" you thought to yourself. In the end you didn’t care anymore, everyone was entitled to an opinion and the last thing you need is feeling self conscious because of your out of place classmate.

Shinsou was fuming. How the fuck did you just get up and leave his ass while he was trying to complement you. You should have been more appreciative that he was giving you his attention for once. A bitch like you wasn't even worth it so he doesn't understand why he even tried with you.

He never goes directly home after school but instead to the local theater. It was one of the few places where he could be around others and could genuinely be himself. It was weird, he didn't feel like himself when he was speaking with his "friends", friends that he's never spoken to verbally, never seen, and never would meet. He knew that he didn't deserve this, to have a safe haven when he acts like an ass, yet here he was.

"Good morning Shinsou! How are you? Are you ready for rehearsals? You did remember to read your lines, right?" Shinsou rolls his eyes at his theater mates antics. Monoma never seems to stop but he does know when to tone it down and when it comes to Shinsou he tones it down a bit. (Because Monoma is canonically considerate of others, look back the Sports Festival and the Joint Training Arc.)

"Im good man, yes i did read and memorized the script, dont worry about it." What an odd friendship, the most chaotic gentleman like man out the bunch with the quietist incel in the group. Shinsou should have seen it coming when he was adopted by Monoma but he's running on 2 to 4 hours of sleep so he doesn't really care.

Believe it or not Shinsou does take showers (only for theater) but very quickly and with no care (no shampoo or soap, fucking why man.) Theater means more to him and so making his character look the best they possible can was his first and foremost priority. He puts on his costume, gets to makeup (the minimum, because it's "gay" for him to wear makeup and since the world is unfair and cruel he has perfect skin for a greasy headed asshole.)

"Everyone get a move on! Kodai, Tsuburaba, and Awase! Go to stage left! Light techs, how's it up there?" One of the tech heads shouted out. Shinsou and Monoma got to their positions on the stage and the rehearsals began.

Love, the play was about love. Love that wasn't rejected but also not accepted. He didn't understand the concept fully. Was it romantic? Platonic? Familiar? Admiration? He loved his dad, but he mostly admired him. He worked long hours and middle resents him for not being there for him, yet he realizes that his dad works to give him the world, a home with all the things he wanted. He never had a mother so he never had parental or familiar, again his dad was there but he wanted a parent that would hold him when he came back from school everyday. He didn't have a girlfriend, so he doesn't know romantic. So far all of his characters where villains, or evil in some way. He was starting to get sick of them. Shinsou wanted something more, wanted to play a character that wasn't how everyone saw him as on his day to day life. He wanted a challenge, he wanted....affection. Just to show it. He wanted attraction. Just to abuse it. He wanted...love. To just...maybe...feel...enjoy...understand it.

"You terrible thing you. My love, you're so cold. You've left me hanging on every one of your words. You've made me loose my self, lose my self-control because of you!" He pours everything into his performance, his loneliness, his regrets, his experience. He's been told by his co-performers and directors that he has a great future in the arts, in theater. If he just took care of himself more he would be an amazing actor, not only incredibly talented but also attractive. He would have the world kneeling, bowing to him just from his words alone. He could have anything he wanted just because of his existence.

" You've made me do things i don't want to do...for you." Kodai stands there looking horrified. He's covered in blood, the blood of her lover, the one she left him for.

"No, i-i didn't-"

"YOU MADE ME-MADE DO THIS FOR YOU! You terrible, terrible, terrible thing! You beautiful thing, I've done this for you!...and you still cant and won't love me." He doesn't see Kodai anymore. It's not her face he sees, nor her voice that he hears.

Its you...its your voice. You. You looking back at him while he slowly lowered himself to kneel and crawl towards you. It's you who backs away from him as he starts to cry and hiccup.

"You wreck me, you made me. You leave me in your wake, please let me go!" He sees you and feels you grabbing his wrists back, pushing him into himself.

"Don't you ever let me go...."

You terrible beautiful thing, you.

And here we are again. This was a lot fun to write since it feels more concrete when it comes towards his personality and his full thought process. In many cases people like Shinsou just want attention or some sense of validation, which there is nothing wrong with wanting those things but it's more about the manner you go about it. You shouldn't pressure or force others to spend time with you, but there is always someone out there that will like to give you those things.

Tag list: @blossominglark