#also this is my first wlw ship with my most recent wlw ship wow

[str9wberrys]

all i really wanna do is spend all of eternity with you (✿⁠ ⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡)

[magicofthepen]

Romana II for the character asks 👀

thank you for the ask!! <33 as you can see, I really like talking about Romana ���� 

favorite thing about them: ….I’ve realized it’s quite hard to answer this question for one of your all-time favorite characters, oh wow there’s so much I could talk about. (gallifrey Romana II is exactly my Favorite Character Type, but I actually first fell for Romana II while watching the E-space stories.) but okay one thing that really Gets me about her is how deeply she loves? both in an ‘big picture’ sense and in a personal relationship sense. she genuinely cares about the people of her world and other worlds so much, and gives so much of herself to try to protect them and make their lives better….which becomes a mix of something very admirable and something very unhealthy that’s really complicated and interesting to unpack. and I’m so weak for stories of lonely characters slowly discovering friendship, and all of Romana’s friendships are such interesting and important dynamics in different ways, and she just. loves her friends so much, even when she’s struggling with how to be a friend, and the stories of these relationships (both on tv and in audio) are such a big part of my attachment to her character.

least favorite thing about them: I’ve talked a bit about this recently, but I’m very picky about Romana-as-villain arcs, and sometimes in the audios the writers have her do terrible things, and it feels more for the sake of being ~dark and edgy~ than something that has solid characterization backing it up? for example, on one hand, I really like how the Imperiatrix arc shows how she falls to the point of becoming a tyrant, shows how her intentions get twisted, and how circumstances and manipulations and her own character flaws lead her to make the choices that she does. on the other hand, the “destroyer of worlds” thing in series 4 doesn’t emotionally back up her choices and feels a bit like “we’re going to have this character do Terrible Things just so she can feel guilty over how Terrible she is.” and tbh I do side-eye the overall obsession of the EU of making her a darker and more power-hungry figure (in contrast, something like Time War 2 has some of my favorite Romana characterization, probably because she’s on the side of “stubbornly standing up for what’s right.”)

(I’ll probably skip favorite line for most of these because alas I’m absolutely terrible at picking one.)

brOTP: ….is it cheating to say Leela and Narvin if I also ship them? ….okay I’ll leave them for the otp section, but those two friendships are just so so important to Romana, and I love them as committed platonic relationships too! (especially since sometimes I get very into thinking about Romana as aromantic - this is not a consistent headcanon, obviously I do write a lot of shippy Romana fic in which she’s not aro, but I do think there’s solid backing for it, and I like exploring different headcanons and interpretations of relationships.)

but I want to use this section to ramble a bit about Romana and the Doctor! (I used to ship them a fair bit - in a “I love this dynamic as either a romantic thing or a platonic thing!” way - but lately I’ve been more into their relationship as a platonic thing, so I think they fall much more under brOTP for me.) they’re such a Team when they’re traveling together, and I love that understated fondness they have for each other, the way they genuinely enjoy each other’s company. and I love how they’re like. constantly holding hands and standing very close together and just being very softly affectionate. (and not to make everything about Skin of the Sleek/Thief Who Stole Time, but the way the Doctor both gives Romana space and looks out for her in those audios is so good?? they’re really soft together and I melt every time I listen to those audios.) And I love how they part on good terms, with a deep undercurrent of mutual respect and care….and I have a lot of painful feelings about the crumbling of their friendship later in life. it does make sense that they’d grow apart - they end up making very different choices when it comes to Gallifrey - but also that layer of sharpness/coldness in their interactions in Neverland (and Zagreus)….oof that hurts. (and going back a little further - the first time I heard their conversation at the end of Apocalypse Element where the Doctor leaves her, it was a gut punch - the way she so badly needs a friend, and he….doesn’t stay.) so my Doctor & Romana II feelings are a combination of “oh my gosh I love them” and “oh my gosh they break my heart.”

OTP: ot3 my beloved <33 so Romana/Leela is my og Gallifrey ship, the one that was so so inevitable because their dynamic is very much my ship type (wlw opposites attract)…and then their chemistry (“There will be a place for you with me, for always.” / “I need you” / “I have lost a great deal. I have lost you.” / “You never will be alone.” etc. etc. etc.) and the overt parallels between Leela’s feelings about Andred and her feelings about Romana, and the way the story uses the narrative structures of romance w/ them (dramatic breakup! pining!)……yep I was definitely going to ship this. I’m utterly in love with how they’re both so alone in different ways at the beginning of Gallifrey and yet they end up reaching out to each other and finding a home in each other. I’m endlessly interested in unpacking the messy complicated dynamics of their relationship - the ways their individual pain and grief clashes, the ways they cling to each other too tightly, the ways they fail to communicate - and the ways they get better at communicating, the ways they choose each other and keep fighting for each other and for their relationship.

(and whoops this is gonna be two paragraphs now) and Narvin/Romana is my other otp for Romana, and that was a surprise, because m/f enemies-to-friends is My Thing, that’s exactly the kind of platonic relationship that Gets Me. and I do love the entirely platonic take on their relationship so much, but I also definitely really ship them?? it’s the combination of “complicated devoted longing and messy power dynamics” in the middle seasons, and “oh my gosh they’ve figured out how to talk about feelings??” in the later ones. so it’s not so much “enemies to friends to lovers” as “enemies to one-sided pining/friendship with complicated power dynamics to more balanced, healthy friendship to lovers”? sort of? basically there’s so many different interesting shippy dynamics to explore with them, ranging from “oh god they do care about each other but this is a mess” to “they’d genuinely be so good together,” depending on when we’re talking, and I love that. I love how their relationship is always changing and growing, and how once they get close, they really share the same sense of duty and care for their world and the universe and the work they’re doing together. I love that they’re two people who have their own individual struggles with forming personal relationships, and so it seems like they shouldn’t ever work, but they do? and I do have a tremendous soft spot for them in the Time War audios in particular….they have such old married couple energy and I love exploring that kind of romance dynamic - warm and settled and really not that different from a committed friendship.

all in all: I’m very much an ot3 shipper, I love the idea of all three of them together (I’m really into exploring poly relationships and it’s super great how open this fandom is to poly shipping!) I probably ship Romana/Leela more consistently than Romana/Narvin, but those two relationships (romantic or platonic) occupy pretty equal amounts of my Gallifrey brainspace? so I’d say both fall into the “otp” category.

(the rest of this is going under a cut because this is so long oops.)

nOTP: nOTP isn’t exactly the right term for my feelings about Brax/Romana since I do read (and enjoy!) fic about them? (but with Gallifrey, I’m very open to reading whatever, I easily fall for good writing even if I’m not into a ship.) but Brax/Romana is definitely not my thing - I think I just have a personal discomfort about teacher/student relationships (and yes, she’s older in Gallifrey, but that mentor-figure dynamic still underpins their relationship, and the whole “your old teacher is romantically interested in you” thing is apparently something I personally nope out at). (obviously I’m not judging anyone who does ship them…heck I have a Romana ship that’s way more toxic. it’s just this particular romantic dynamic is Not For Me). but like I said, I do read fic about them! (It’s just a bit tricky because sometimes a fic will really hit those nope buttons, and sometimes it won’t? hard to say why….but broadly speaking I tend to be more interested in Brax/Romana fics that lean into “there are some unhealthy power dynamics here” rather than away from it - and I tend to compartmentalize even the Brax/Romana fics I like into a different universe in my head to avoid running into that I’m uncomfortable feeling). 

random headcanon: ooh which one should I ramble about this time…how about this: Romana II has very particular feelings about touch. unexpected touch from people she doesn’t know/trust is uncomfortable and jarring. and it’s always been somewhat of a thing in this incarnation, but it really became a big deal post-Etra Prime - and even more so post-Pandora crisis - being touched without warning by most people brings up all these feelings of not having control over her own life and body (and mind, since touch also has links to telepathy). however, with the handful of people she does deeply trust, touch is a comforting and grounding thing (and something she really craves), a reminder that there are people who are there for her, people who care for her.

unpopular opinion: ….I told myself I wasn’t going to talk about this on Tumblr because the audio is so universally beloved, but welp it does say unpopular opinion. so, um, the short version is, I can’t reconcile Romana’s characterization in Erasure (aka the Bellescon thing) with Neverland or early Gallifrey or my general interpretation of her character (and I tried! like “wrote a fic to try to make it work for me” tried!). so after I kept running into a wall when trying to write a different Erasure-related fic, I decided, in Doctor Who tradition, to just throw out the bits of canon that don’t work for me. (in other words: Erasure’s not part of my personal canon anymore. which is really unfortunate because I do love so many other parts of it, and it’s a great Narvin audio and great performance. and I can enjoy it as a self-contained thing, but I’ve stopped trying to make it fit with Romana’s characterization elsewhere.) (although I do have an Erasure-related fic that I’ll post one of these days - it’s a section of that fic that hit a wall that I think works well on its own!)

song i associate with them: All the King’s Horses by Karmina / We Are Dragons by Karmina are my top songs for Gallifrey Romana (well, more specifically post-Apocalypse Element Romana). the two songs are variations on each other and they’re just so spot-on for her?? All the King’s Horses gives me major post-Etra Prime feelings (Free to go back on my own / But is it still a home when you’re all alone? / All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put me back together again), and We Are Dragons is such a Gallifrey Romana song in general (Do it all for the love of my kingdom / And here’s to dying for life worth living / And here’s to hoping we bleed for something / I’m not done fighting for what I believe in).

favorite picture of them: anything in her Horns of Nimon outfit or Shada outfit, I love those looks so much! And for fanart: some of my favorite Romana pieces are this three Romanas art by @aethira, and any of the Gallifrey covers by @joycieillustrations (who paints Romana II so incredibly!!)

[desert-dyke]

the things I’ve read in 2020 and some thoughts...

hey blacklist this now because it’s gonna get long from here. I spent NYE home alone and reading and it has really set the tone for this year. Fortunately, I’ve been reading way more for the first time in...I literally don’t even know? Maybe forever? Which is really dope! Books are fucking fantastic and I hope this trend continues for the rest of the year. So I’m gonna use this post (and continue to add to it as I finish books) to talk about the things I’ve read. It could be annoying. I could give up on it really soon. People might not read this at all. It’s okay! It’s my blog I’ll use it how I want and I want to talk about books I otherwise don’t really have a place to talk about them. 

The Shape of Water - Guillermo Del Toro & Daniel Kraus

If you know me irl you’ll know that I love this movie. Like, it’s probably my favorite movie as an adult. I love watching a movie and then going back and reading the book to compare and vice versa, but knowing that the book came out after the movie did discourage me at first, making me think it was nothing more than a cash grab. Though I was talking to (my boss) who also loves this movie and is a huge bibliophile and she highly recommended the book, so I figured I’d give it a stab.

The writing style is beautiful and enticing and overall I was impressed with the quality of it. It’s fast paced and switches perspective between characters frequently, though remains easy to follow. The book focuses a little less on Elisa and more on the other characters and stories around her, including, surprisingly, Elaine Strickland, who despite never wondering much about during the movie, I enjoyed being included in the book. There’s a deeper exploration into pretty much everyone’s backstories, and more prominent character development. It’s excellent as a standalone piece, and supplementary to readers who have seen the movie. There’s also some alternative takes on certain scenes, which I don’t necessarily like better or worse than the choices made in the movie, but it makes for an interesting read. 

The book explores themes of alienation and being othered, with a main cast that breaks the stereotype of straight white fully-abled male. Elisa is a mute woman, Zelda, a black woman, and Giles a gay man. With the political climate of the 1950′s, all of them are outsiders and all of them find solidarity in each other, despite their unique struggles, and also with the creature.

The only thing I didn’t quite like was the portrayal of the creature. I think greater efforts were put into making him more godlike and otherworldly, but also, simultaneously, he comes off as much more like a wild animal in the book, and the latter came off as strange to me, and not in the way I like it. Overall, even if the movie didn’t exist and I only read this, I’d still think it was a really good story.

To Be Taught, If Fortunate - Becky Chambers

If I depended on the synopsis on the back of the book to decide whether or not I wanted to read this, I don’t know if I would have bothered. To be honest, I only wanted to read this because Becky Chambers is my current favorite author and all other of her works I’ve read I’ve absolutely adored, so naturally, I wanted to give this one a chance, even if the concept wasn’t as riveting as I would have hoped.

She didn’t disappoint. 

Whereas her other books take place in a vast space civilization where humanity is integrated with aliens and there’s technology beyond our dreams, this book took place in a different creative universe, a little more closer to our timeline. The book is about space exploration for the sake of learning and taking care to be as least intrusive on the explored worlds as possible. It’s a nice break from what I usually see in sci fi, with colonization and owning space and wanting to use knowledge in order to hurt others. It follows a research crew of four, sent to research four planets in a far solar system. There’s a lag in travel time, since FTL travel had not been discovered yet, so a common device is communication with Earth is off by years. Eventually, the crew realizes they have lost contact with Earth and Earth had likely suffered some sort of devastation. It wonders if Earth has forgotten them or if it’s even worth it to return since they might be the last astronauts of their time. 

The worlds they visit and research are unique and vivid and fill me with wonder. They’re realistic to the point where I found myself questioning if the book was prophetic. Chambers makes effort to incorporate science into her novels, but in a way that does not estrange a reader like me who only has a basic knowledge in science. It’s one of the things I find most attractive about her work, because it has this added realism and this feeling of “wow, this really could happen” and yet remains easy to follow. 

I found the crew to be likeable and diverse. Three of them are in a relationship with each other, and while polyamory isn’t usually an interest of mine, it’s in the background as well as it’s never used as a point to cause drama. It’s a healthy functional relationship. Also, one of the crew is a trans man and another is asexual, both details that exist within a single line, but yet important to be included to flesh out the characters. 

What I didn’t like was the almost rush to the end of the book. It’s a short book, roughly 100 pages, but it seems to me as if it reaches it’s climax and then the book just ends and it kind of feels like it’s still in the middle of things. I’ve had time to think about it, though, and I’ve considered that maybe anything else written would have been redundant or just filler and therefore not needed. So in that case, that’s fair. It still felt a little abrupt to me, but that’s what fic is for. 

Overall, if you haven’t read anything by Becky Chambers you need to change that immediately. Please don’t leave me alone and fanning over this incredible author!!

All Systems Red - Martha Wells

This was another short one, and in fact, I read it entirely in one sitting. The concept of the book was really intriguing, and actually I selected it because I liked the opening line so much. I have a lot of feelings about AI and robots, so this was a naturally alluring story to me. Mixed with the fact that the beefed out security robot, who calls themselves “Murderbot”,  was absolutely obsessed with soap opera tv just absolutely gets me!

The story is told through Murderbot’s perspective, who is assigned to guard a research team. They had recently hacked their government module, which now allows them full autonomy and no longer having to obey orders from their assigned humans. It’s interesting to see Murderbot actively choose to help the humans. Also, needing to maintain an illusion that they aren’t unshackled, since what they did was forbidden. 

The research team is full of interesting characters, who I find tragically under explored. The only couple in the story is wlw, which I vastly appreciated, along with they obviously cared and loved each other and their relationship was not used for drama purposes. In favor of the lack of development with the cast of characters, since the narrator is Murderbot and part of Murderbot’s personality is they are actively trying not to care about these humans, it does make sense. Still, I would have loved to see more of the crew and more development between Murderbot and them. 

I like the dark lore that is hinted behind Murderbot’s existence. There’s organic counterparts to their machine made from cloned humans. It’s creepy and morbid, but a lot is with the lore of the universe that the story takes place in. There’s hints towards a heavy capitalist society in space where the humans and Murderbot came from, where the right price will get you anything, regardless of morals. The overall tone of the story is very quirky, but it needs to be to offset just how dark everything that happens actually is. The book explores the concept of corporate greed, from the existence of Murderbot to the deaths that come to humans on the planet the crew is studying.

This book was deeply fascinating, but I didn’t love the way it was written. I love every concept and choice made, but I didn’t love the execution. It left me wanting without satisfaction. It’s not a bad book and I still over all enjoyed it. It is part of a series, which I did not realize at the time of reading it, but the ending leaves room for more to be written, so maybe in the following books there will be the development I desired. However, the ending of the book leaves it apparent that Murderbot will not be interacting with the same characters of the first, but that is just an assumption and I could be wrong. I’m not sure yet if I will read more in the series but I’m not entirely opposed to it.

All the Birds in the Sky - Charlie Jane Anders

This is another one that I definitely would not have read if I had to choose based on the synopsis alone. The synopsis made it sound so run-of-the-mill star-crossed-lovers, which, hey, maybe that actually helps sell the book because its a pretty well loved trope, but for me it was off-putting, as well as isn’t fair to what the book actually turned out to be. But that’s what reviews are for, and I found this book from some sort of list, I think it was best sci-fi books written by women.

The general idea of the book is a witch and a techie fall in love while the world is falling apart due to a conflict between magic and technology. The book is lauded for bending genre and honestly, it fucking has. It’s as equally a sci-fi novel as it is a fantasy novel. There’s advanced technology, such as robots, two second time machines, rocket ships, and ultimately, a portal leading to a different universe in hopes of escaping the destruction of earth. On the magic side, there’s a connection to nature, rules that have to be abided, quirky witches and magicians and mystique. Both Laurence and Patricia are outsiders that have seemingly found these secret niches in the world that becomes their own.

Both plots are interesting in their own, and could possibly exist as two separate books, but what ties the entire story together is the connection Laurence and Patricia have, and their ultimate romance.

The romance is a wonderful slow burn, from childhood friends, to adult friends to lovers. By the time Patricia and Laurence finally get together, you really fucking want them to. They weave in and out of each other’s lives throughout their own personal plots. There’s tensions and there’s release. And most importantly, they have lives outside of each other. Their romance compliments the story, rather than the story being entirely about romance. 

Similar to the former review, there’s a lot of quirkiness in the story, that ultimately offsets how dark the story can be. The story doesn’t shy away from complicated relationships with parents and siblings and friends and other people, people of mixed ages and backgrounds. It explores abuse, bullying, natural disaster and loss. The story would have been miserable and a drag to read without the whimsical qualities of it. Plus it’s a fantasy/sci-fi, so it should have some quirkiness to it! And it made for a very enjoyable read!

My criticism for this one is, yet again, the ending. The conflict resolves and the story comes to an end. In favor of how it was written, the way things resolve, I believe the world is about to go through a grand change. While the story is quirky, I think it would have been too corny to have had a glittery magical wave drag across the land, altering the world as it went. So, it’s fair, I guess, that the author chose to end it where she did. Still, it left me craving more. Maybe because the story was so good and I wasn’t yet ready to let it go.

Also, as a side note, the author is a trans woman. So if you’re looking for books written by trans authors to support, put this at the top of your list.

[creepweirdo]

hey emily! tumblr chaos is what we needed tbh i think without it these last few months would’ve been much harder for me. ive taken a look at that tgcf drive and i think it’ll help thanks so much!!! attempt number 4 at the book this weekend i think. and i am pretty sure there’s wlw. my friend who also liked cql/mdzs told me to read it for that reason. ooo lwj really did deserve better. i read that fic after you recommended it and ahhh my heart. i wish we’d had more of his point of view to see how

he coped in those years. i think my biggest deserves better is jyl who existed to make soup then die. that moment at phoenix mountain when she shredded zixun was amazing and i wanted more of that please. i gif sometimes but i’m also one for sitting back and observing so that’s all good. i hadn’t giffed for years until cql dragged me back in. i think like you i was waiting for a fandom to grab me and thankfully mdzs really did. my blog is still mostly multifandom though because i just like to

spam all of my interests. cap tho! i am so excited for the sambucky show (tho i ship sam steve because that whole ‘on your left’ thing was the most rom com part of all of the mcu) because its just two fools dragging each other. perfection. as for other famdoms im in, i was in shadowhunters when that was on (awful books, but i loved magnus bane) and the magicians. so basically i’m into hot people with magic ig? ok this is long so q’s - if you could change one thing about mdzs plot, what would it

be and why and for non-mdzs what animal would you most like to be and why? (omg 4 i talked a lot again) /your cc 💜

hi classified cultivator!!

OMG HAHAHA attempt number 4! hopefully you can get into it and enjoy it hahaha 😳😁 omg you read the fic!!! ahhhh 💔😭😭😭 i STILL haven’t been able to read anymore wangxian fic yet LMAO - i’ve been reading ,,,, xue yang and yi city fics 😔🧍🏼‍♀️

so so so true about wanting to see more of his pov! like, that fic is now canon to me bc there’s no way lan zhan would have been able to recover !! 😭 and omg yeah! jyl deserved soooo much better HAHAHA yes that scene!! remember how i read fanfic before watching anything canon? so i actually read that scene in a fic before watching the donghua and when it happened in the donghua i was like OMG ITS REAL!! hahaha. and then i lost my mind again seeing it happen in the live action. there were so many moments like that and they all made me laugh so much 💀 (another thing was the golden core transfer??? read it in a fic beforehand and was like wow this is a really dramatic plot point this fic writer has come up with, really unique and interesting HAHAH - and then i saw it in the live action LMAO)

HAHAHA omg there’s just something soooo unintentionally homoerotic about all the cap movies! they way that they repeatedly create the greatest love stories of the century lmaooo. hahaha the whole set up of sam and steve’s relationship in cap2 is so gay 💀 haha stucky was the first ship that really brought me into fandom but i’ve acquired some more taste now and yeah both samsteve and sambucky are ❤️ 

lmaooo shadow hunters! hahaha i only recently found out about all the drama and premise of those books - so funny. i never got into the show but i remember when it was REALLY popular on tumblr and when i saw gifs of it everywhere!

ahahha liking ‘hot people with magic’ - you’ve become self aware 😳💀

ooooo if i could change one thing about the plot 👁👁 (i’m answering in relation to the show bc i’m STILL on chapter 15 of the novel HAHAH)

this is such a HARD question bc now i want to change one thing that would ensure that none of the drama and death happens but then the story wouldn’t happen 😭 part of me wants to change jiang fengmian and madam yu’s relationship and the way that they “parented” - i have a feeling wwx and jiang cheng would have been wayyyy more well adjusted and all the antagonising wwx did in the cloud recesses wouldn’t have happened with the wen clan and then the war wouldn’t have happened etc. hopefully the tensions with the wen clan and the other major sects could have remained as a cold war ???? and everyone could have been able to live their nice and happy lives ❤️

i was going to say that maybe if wwx’s parents didn’t die but then wwx wouldn’t have gone to the cloud recesses’ lectures and met lan zhan :((((((( HOWEVER that could be a good AU ,,, adult lan zhan still being all repressed and gay and fuddy-duddy-like coming across rouge cultivator wwx and just losing his mind in the same way as he did as a teen 💀 it can be a fic that lives in my heart hahaha bc theres no way im confident enough to write mdzs fic. but yeah i’m going to go with my first answer??? even tho i’m kind of obsessed with the second now HAHAH.

LMAO honestly i would love to be a house cat - just lounging around all day, maybe laying in a patch of sunlight. that’s honestly my dream. my family has a pet dog and whenever i have to go to work i’m always so jealous of his lifestyle 💔 he wakes up early to eat food and then lays on the couch all day 😍 life GOALS HAHAHA.

what about you?? what would you change and what animal would you like to be 😁😁❤️

thank you for the questions!! i hope you’re having a good week! if you celebrate it, are you excited for christmas? i can’t believe it’s nearly 2021 😳

[sn0wblinded]

questions 1-98 ( go big or go home ;) )

ya killin me hollis );

1. Unfortunately, I am 5′1, pros to anybody who wants a nugget for a gf or friend

2.  Body type? uh I suppose slim and slender with an hourglass shape

3. Favorite part of my body would have to be...erh...uh...my eyes? I love the shape of them just wish I had blue or green eyes :(

4. HAH my hair color now is NOT my natural hair color loll I have naturally crazy dark brown hair where it’s almost black but I love blonde in the summer so catch me in the fall for my dark roots ;D

5. Um I’d say it depends where I am and who I’m with as to whether I’ll be shy or outgoing, typically I’m shy until I feel comfortable enough to be myself, or unless someone gets enough drinks in me hahah

6. Uh I’d say I’m probs more on the femme side, like I luvvv getting dressed up and looking super pretty if I’m not sitting on my ass being lazy af. 

7. Super duper smol bean

8. Hands down I’d be a wine mom

9. Hmmph weird habit? Uh I’ll mouth whatever someone is saying as they are talking, even sometimes before they say the next word and I don’t even know I’m doing it. I catch myself doing this watching shows or movies and I hateeee it. “How do you know what I’m saying??” is the usual response *rolls eyes* 

10. OOOHHH my fav meme would have to be the one with the baby orangutang and her crazy hair bc she’s a hot mess and I’m a hot mess ._.

11. who doesn’t sing in the shower???? the acoustics man, i’ll give my SO a full-blown concert w/ an encore. will it sound good tho?? who knows

12. um I’d love to go full Merida and learn how to use a bow and arrow tbh

13. I was never a theatre kid :( I wanted to be in HS 

14. I’ve never seen a broadway musical but def something on my bucketlist

15. Musicals are kinda cheesy but that’s what I love about them

16. I’ve never been a part of a protest or march, but will def be in the future when given the chance

17. My fav Cards Against Humanity Card would probs be “What is Batman’s guilty pleasure?” love having a good giggle at the responses

18. The last movie I watched...that I can think of was Final Destination 2 and was reminded why I can be paranoid af about some stuff LOL

19. Uhh preferably not behind or infront of the camera, not photogenic and my hands aren’t steady enough to take decent photos BUT I’d love to do photography if I had any skill in it

20. If you know me, like come on, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. 

21. just listen to Snowblinded by Kill Hannah nuff said

22. Uhh I joined tumblr back in 2011 my freshman year of HS bc I wanted to release my teenage angst, and then I left after a few years and came back this year:) Luckily my OG url was still available

23. Um you know 

24. Most people love chocolate and I hate it loll Fight me pls ;P

25. Narcotics? Nope sowwe

26. HAH expose me much?? hahah Def not a virgin lemme say that ^-^

27. Um my neighbors little brother caught her and I kissing underneath her sheets when I was a super duper smol bean, technically wasn’t bad but we couldn’t do it anymore:/

28. Oof idk what the funniest lie is that I told... omg 

29. Hmm... expression through words...take a guess what that passion is 

30. My best friend is one the most supportive and loving people I’ve ever met and I love her to death

31. Um lemme keep my secrets ;)

32. I’m super tired but also feeling really motivated so it’s kinda conflicting but oh well das my life

33. My biggest fear is probably ending up alone (amongst a few others)

34. I Like Me Better by Lauv

35. The best decision I’ve made in life thus far was deciding that I’m going to start love being myself regardless of societal expectations and internalizing everything because of the fear of others judgements etc. This is my life and I plan on living it up the best way possible.

36. Um who hasn’t? Failure always leads you one step closer to success

37. I fantasize about finding someone whose soul fits perfectly w/ mine

38. I cried the other night but happy tears bc I no longer have to hide who I am

39. A meme I was sent in a group chat

40. Mm...maybe..my lips are sealed 

41. A few of my closest friends

42. Uh every single day at the end of my last relationship

43. I’ve started to realize who my true friends are, and people’s true intentions

44. Submissive AF, but a lil control here and there isn’t bad

45. I’ll only date you if you’re okay w/ eating lots of pasta and long jam sesh’s

46. Preferably someone my age or a little bit older, but if I click with someone a year or two younger than me then whatevs :)

47. um I’d describe my crush but it’d be a dead giveaway LOL

48. any kinks? oh sweetie.. I’m not as innocent as this halo may make me appear ;P

49. First thing I notice in someone, physically would be their eyes, personality-wise would be their sense of humor.

50. Best way to win my heart is to bond over music

51. Uhh wow like allll the time LOL

52. Once again, like alllll the fucking time *rolls eyes*

53. Oh I plead the fifth on this one 

54. Trust is a big thing for me, but I usually know right off the bat now if I can trust somebody or not

55. Um no bc anybody I like lives miles and miles away >_>

56. Confidence is hot, not cute, hot. Make me swoon. 

57. My heart would probs ache 

58. If you can’t make me laugh we won’t even be close to dating loll

59. Uh no and I’m sure they will never have a clue bc I’m shy af about my feelings 

60. ...too many storytimes there

61. Hopefully one day I marry the love of my life

62. Pleading the fifth bc I’m stuck between a couple 

63. Turn ons: Whisper in my ear, light touches, and cute messages (keeping things on the cleaner side (; )

64. Hate is a strong word, so Trump 

65. Babygirl melts my heart but so does sweetheart and princess

66. Charlies Angels hands down...

67. Oof... intimidating in a sexy and intriguing way? Hell yes, but I love a kind soul

68. Somebody who truly loves me for me and is always up for adventure, and has an impeccable taste in music.

69. I tend to like whoever I like :P

70. HAH good one

71. The first person I came out to was my sister, a few years ago, and it went alright I guess until we had a heated argument and yeah...but I came out to her again recently and it’s helped us grow closer together.

72. I have a quite a few friend who are and luvvv them all

73. um....ya

74. Oof...I honestly can’t remember

75. Maybe later, this is already wayyyy too long.

76. I used to but I’d say it takes a lot more for me to fall IN love

77. Yeah so let’s not talk about it :3

78. Good at hiding my feelings? Uhhhhhh

79. Forgiving? I’ll forgive but I never forget who has hurt me.

80. Uh...I have quite a few, want the whole list? LOL

81. Whichever one would comfort both of us in the moment

82. I like a girl that’s taller, even if it’s just by a little bit. Honestly it doesn’t take much with how smol I am :[

83. Um can I have both? Hugs and kisses pls k thx

84. Be twirled :3

85. Um both mmmff

86. I love forehead kisses, but if you wanna make me melt into a puddle neck kisses are the way to go.

87. I’d do either or, kinda hard for me to choose which one more.

88. Depends on my mood, love me some soft kisses but bet your ass I’m always down to makeout

89. If I’m feeling the need to be cute hug around the neck, if I’m being a lil more touchy then hugs around the waist

90. I used to contemplate my sexuality constantly because of growing up in a religious family and internalizing everything, but without a doubt I’m 100% confident in my sexuality. This is me, take it or leave it baby ;)

91. Uh I blush and get a massive load of butterflies, feeling like I’m on cloud nine etc. I’ve liked people and just felt comfortable and never had butterflies and such but FUCK do I love feeling giddy and happy all over from just the mere thought of them. 

92. Yes, typically that’s how it starts out with me and it ends in either of two ways, mutual or I embarass tf outta myself 

93. I had my first kiss with a girl when I was 7, and man did I never want to stop. But, I knew for certain that I really liked girls when I was in sixth grade and wanted to watch any and everything that contained wlw content, hoping and wishing to have that one day.

94. Be myself? LOL

95. Ohmygosh... favorite lesbian ship... Laura/Carmilla, Alice/Robin (OUAT), Yorkie/Kelly (San Junipero)...these are only a few of a long list

96. The most aggravating thing that’s personally been said to me about my sexuality would be between being told this is all temptation and comparing it to acts of disgusting scum of human beings(pedos and adulterers), and also being told it’s only a phase... I can’t roll my eyes hard enough

97. Um like probably a few minutes ago :3

98. Love is being completely comfortable in being who you are around someone, and loving the good and bad parts of each other. 

If anyone actually reads up until this point I just gotta say...I’m sorry LOL 

and you’re a trooper

[takaraphoenix]

Since that one anon yesterday seemed so curious about my reading habits and I answered very broadly, I figured - hey, I’m bored, let’s give a more specific, what I’ve actually been trying to read answer! So, have a little insight into my recent AO3 search history, I suppose!

(So, yeah, this is mainly for you, anon. I wonder if anyone is even gonna read this... especially since it turned, uh, longer than intended... xD”)

First of all, an overall: Fic length. The ideal fic has around 10k length for me, I feel like that’s the perfect sum to make it detailed but not drag it out.

I’m reading everything between 1k and 10k, if it’s close to what I enjoy reading, but I get more picky with more than 10k and anything over 50k is just... immediately out. I don’t have the attentionspan for fics that length. And I’m not a drabble-person usually either (@shirasade  is my exception ❤️).

Okay, so, there are ship-tags that I check regularly, like more than once a month, and then there is Malace, which I check every week. The other ones that I check regularly for Shadowhunters are:

Magnus/Jace, obviously, I mean, yeah

Simon/Jace

Raphael/Jace

Sadly, mostly to emptiness and disappointment. As in, no new fics at all, or no fics that are... after my tastes (also, in the cases of Si and Raph, most are Ma/ec with this ship only as a side-pairing and like nooopeee).

I wish this fandom was... bigger. And, you know, not entirely Ma/ec centric. Like, not saying people shouldn’t ship this, but I feel like many people latched onto that canon ship as their sole purpose in this fandom and that is part of why all other ships kinda turn out to be rarepairs in this fandom.

So, I regularly try reading Shadowhunters fics. Rarely, sometimes, there is something that catches my interest from the summary and tagging and I give it a shot. But... I’m insanely picky so often enough those reads turn out like “Well, that wasn’t entirely my speed” and they end up as once-read-and-dumped, you know?

This month’s hunt however had brought me one Simon/Jace fic that I greatly enjoyed! Hit all the right spots for me. Distressed!Jace, caring!Simon taking care of him and also taking charge, bottom!Jace, some light BDSM thrown in there with sub!Jace, comfort and hugs in the end. Perfect combo. “Tell Me What’s Inside of Your Head”, if you’re curious.

After Shadowhunters, my most searched fandom is Avengers. Here’s the top five of my most frequently, most desperately checked ship tags:

Loki/Tony

Bucky/Tony

T’Challa/Tony

Thor/Tony

Quill/Tony

So let’s slap some “BUT!”s on there. First filter to go in, obviously, is always the language - I do not need to be teased by “look at this prettily tagged fic! but it’s Russian!”. Then, you know, things like “Female Tony Stark”, because the hugest disappointment this fandom has to offer is a brilliant summary and great tags... and then it’s about Toni Stark (and let’s not go to the absolutely stupid ridiculousness that somehow -y is a boys’ letter and -i is a girls’ letter??). Kicking out things like “Top Tony Stark” because nope, or some NOTPs because now that’s a real disappointment when the ship I am looking for is only the temporary stop on the way to a NOTP endgame, yikes. Also, the biggest no I have; Little Play/Age Play.

And yeeeah, in most cases not overly many fics remain there (at least, when you regularly check the tags). I’m also a picky bitch. Like, you will not make me read high school AUs. I just... don’t. Not for fandoms where everyone is a Grown-Ass Man. For things like PJatO? I did, because well making them take place in regular mortal high school is fun. But I don’t like deaging adult characters and totally ripping them outta their environment and removing large parts of the trauma that formed their personalities...

Though, generally AUs. Me reading AUs is me being hella desperate, or the AU being a really fucking interesting thing that uses canon elements and bends them in ways to shape this new world but still keep the key things that make the characters who they are.

Personal favorites, as mentioned in the other post, canon divergent fics. Like the what if Loki was good and joined the Avengers and kicked Wanda’s butt for the way she treated Tony. Or how about Steve was not being an idiot and told Tony about Bucky and they got Bucky to the tower early on, no Civil War necessary. Also the much beloved fix-it ones like Tony fucking off to Wakanda where T’Challa actually cares about Tony post CW. Or Tony fucking off to space post CW and joining the Guardians. And with Thor, I’ll just generally take him taking care of Tony, though I’d also appreciate a “Thor learns about CW and Has Thoughts On That”, also including comfort.

What I’m saying is: I am still not over Civil War and will take anything that either finds a reasonable way to make that bullshit not happen, or to give Tony comfort far away from this fuckery. No “Civil War Fix-It” fics, because... they... don’t fix, they’re mainly fics that just make it so Team Cap is forgiven without repercussions and taken back to being Avengers and All Is Good. That’s come to be the opposite of fixing CW for me.

...And all of that is just my usual search routine that I’ve had for about two years now. Now on to my actual recent search history and cravings! (Is anyone even still reading at this point, I wonder. This might just be the most self-indulgent post I’ve made in... a while xD)

Recently got back into One Piece, as you may have noticed. So, of course, I had to peek into that fandom. Though, well, what I was looking for doesn’t seem to exist. I was looking for an “Omega Luffy” fic. There are two (2)... and neither are my ships. And I wasn’t so much looking for the smutty kind and more the crew as a pack and the interesting aspect that omega!Luffy kicking alpha butts would bring with it. Oh well.

Then my relatively recent rewatch of the fourth season of Killjoys, which made me look for Pree/Johnny fics... which... one. One (1) fic. A good fic, really cute and I enjoyed it a lot, but like... oooneee. That’s very... very frustrating. Not to mention, zero fics for Pree/Gared/Johnny. This was a very depressing day, y’all.

(And yes, as a result of that day, I do now have a document in my folder with a title and a premise but like... I know myself. I get tempted into thinking I’ll write for a fandom and then I never finish shit. Happened countless times before.)

I also got into Umbrella Academy, so I sniffed around in that fandom some too. Ben/Klaus and Diego/Klaus, preferrably both at the same time. Overwhelming how much has been produced in such little time! But sadly... too much Daddy Kink and asphyxiation. I know where both those things come from for Klaus, like I Get It, but they’re still no-nos for me, so that’s a predicament. I read a few, but... mh, I think I haven’t quite figured out what I would want from this fandom so they didn’t entirely wow me. Not the fics fault.

Watching the latest season of Suits the other week had sent me into a search for Donna/Sam, which... does not really exist. One drabble that doesn’t also either feature my NOTP, have them as a side ship only or ends in a threesome. Which, honestly, I’m not too surprised. wlw ships always ARE more rare to find, so oh well.

I got caught up on Black Clover and figured I’d try my luck on that fandom. As usual, I turn out not that lucky. Three English fics for my OTP, because what else is new. Leopold/Asta are cuuuteee. Very depressing.

So, yeah. That’s actually it. Those five are the only fandoms I ventured into in the past two or so months, aside from my two usual searches.

[docholligay]

So I just found your Utena liveblog and I love how you talked about Shiori. Like, when I first watched Utena, I just loved her because a) I love horrible, manipulative characters who really need some therapy and to stop being abusive pieces of shit and b) I saw a lot of the fandom hating her and my spiteful ass immediately went “I’m going to love her”. The first few times I watched RGU, I shipped Juri/Shiori a lot because I really want Shiori and Juri to be happy and healthy (even though I know, intellectually, that them being in a romantic relationship would not be happy nor healthy).

But reading your analysis made me realize that I’m actually… really lucky? By lesbian standards? Like, my parents are super supportive, my school was an art school (and thus full of gays), and I’ve never actually gotten a crush on a straight girl. But reading your thoughts on Shiori and why you cant love her, or even love to hate her, made me think like, wow. I completely understand it now. I still believe that shiori is a closeted wlw of some kind, with feelings for Juri (that doesn’t excuse her abuse, of course, and she’s not a precious misunderstood baby), but I didn’t really think about how, unlike a lot of the other characters, Shiori and what she does is very *real*. People having incestuous feelings for their siblings, or sword fighting under an upside down castle, or getting a ring from a dude who looks kind of like your fiancee and your fiancee’s brother…those things don’t happen a lot in real life. But the situation that Juri is in, with Shiori and Ruka and that brown-haired boy, is very real. Lesbians being threatened with being outed by people they loved, being manipulated and hurt because you can’t let go of this one girl, and feeling so sad and depressed and lonely because you don’t think you can be loved by someone you love; those are all things that happen to wlw and do happen and will happen.

The other reason my spiteful ass didn’t like seeing people hate on Shiori was because so much of what I saw was “Shiori is horrible because she’s mean to precious Juri who’s never done anything wrong!” And I didn’t really like Juri throughout the show (I didn’t really like any of the characters except the female Black Rose duelists and Anthy), so seeing people treat Juri like a princess while Shiori was constantly shit on…I really didn’t like. Because newsflash! Juri isn’t nice either! She’s not quietly manipulative, but she’s capable of being cruel (she doesn’t see anything wrong with trying to force Ruka to date Shiori, even though he’s already been shown to be abusive to her and, really, no matter how shitty Ruka is, you can’t and shouldn’t force someone to date someone else; also, I have a lot to say about how Juri treats Shiori in the series). But that’s what I like about your liveblogs: you don’t hate Shiori because you love sweet, innocent Juri–you can admit that Juri isn’t the paragon of innocence. It doesn’t take away from the abuse Shiori causes Juri, but Juri isn’t making an effort to try and help herself or Shiori in a meaningful way.

The final reason I love your liveblogs (that I’m going to talk about here) is that you were able to put into words how i felt about Utena and Anthy’s relationship in the first two arcs. I could never articulate it, but I really got the feeling that, for all Utena was talking about being friends with Anthy (and Wakaba), it just made me so mad because she wasn’t! She wasn’t really Anthy’s friend, and she definitely wasn’t a good friend! She was an actor who used Anthy as a prop and couldn’t and wouldn’t see beyond the surface of what was happening (and that was even if she noticed the stuff on the surface)! I was so confused when first watching because I kept seeing all these tumblr posts and pictures about how Utena and Anthy were such a great couple and how much they loved each other and I was just like… where??? But now you’ve put into words my uneasy feelings about Anthy and Utenas relationship and my lesbian anime soul can finally be at peace. (JK, I’m still going to go hunting for more Utena meta because god, what doesn’t this show make into a metaphor?)

So yeah. I tried really hard to make sure I didn’t mention anything past your most recent liveblog, but if I missed anything I’m really sorry. The best thing about your liveblogs is watching you theorize and discover this stuff on your own, which I didn’t get to have (I envy your self-restraint. I end up spoiling myself on so much because I want to read up on as much as possible halfway through the story). All I really want to say is that I really love your analysis. It’s funny as shit (can you imagine the kinds of family reunions Michiru and Haruka would have? There’s Michiru and Saionji, Haruka and Tsuwabuki, and the Michiru/Haruka angsty lesbian daughters, Juri and Hotaru), but even more importantly, it actually made me rethink how I thought of Shiori, which is what the best analysis do. I still love her in the way I love manipulative, cunning characters (Kozue is one of my fave RGU characters as well and Anthy is my favorite character of all time), but I guess you could say that you “changed the window” through which i saw RGU. I can’t wait until your next liveblog!

I’ve read this multiple times since you sent it, and I hadn’t published yet because I feel so blushy about it. It was such a kind and amazing thing to say, and this made me feel so loved and interesting and I wish I was better at tagging so I could keep a tag of when I get this kind of stuff, because it means so much to me. 

And I’m so glad that my relative evenhandedness with the characters works for you! I do hate the fuck out of Shiori, but the idea that Juri is some innocent maiden makes me laugh into the distance forever. No one in Utena is good except perfect angel Wakaba, I think we all know. 

And yes! Utena and Anthy are def not the sweet couple I’ve seen a lotof fanart of, and it’s actually kind of interesting to me that it’s sprung up so much of that (PLEASE NO ONE SPOIL ME FOR THE END OF UTENA I ADMIT MY FEELINGS MAY CHANGE) And also has only cemented my belief that Anthy and Utena aren’t Haruka and Michiru at all. 

Anyway, thank you so so much for sending this. It made me feel so good. 

[miraitte]

1, 6, 7, 10, 29, 30

Ohh thank you so much for asking!! :3

1. how long have you known you liked girls?

So… thanks to the gender assigned to me at birth, I was always sort of expected to like girls by default, but never really in the way I actually liked them y’know? Like, as much as finding out I liked girls romantically was not as game changing as it would be for a cis girl, the fact that it happened when I was like… five and really wanted to talk and be friends with that one girl in my class (with whom I never exchanged a word, but who gave me a goodbye hug when I moved to a different city that just completely melted my 5 year old heart) was a sound distinction from how most boys around me at that age interacted with girls. I also hated boys with all my strengths and could not find a thing we had in common and didn’t appreciate being grouped with them at all (they were mostly loud, rude and stupid). So yeah… that was a formative experience that always bugged me until I realized I was trans. 

6. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

Honestly, I love them all with strident passion. It’s like, WOW a perfect being in front of me!! Historically, though, I have had more developed crushes on feminine/androgynous girls but like,,, finding out I was trans was such a freeing moment for me and it allowed me to dive deeper into my sexuality and really appreciate how FUCKING HOT butch girls are and how much I’d like them to hold me… So like… I can’t really say what my tendencies are today. Let’s see…

7. do you look/dress more masculine, feminine, or androgynous?

I’ve always made an effort to dress in a very androgynous way since I was young, since feminine clothes were out of question due to my family but I’ve always appreciated some of my feminine traits and didn’t really want to look like a boy anyway. But recently I have been dressing in increasingly more feminine clothes and I really want to try on a skirt or dress someday soon ^^ (seriously, the thought makes me emotional). I’d say I have a rather androgynous look as of today.

10. intimidating girls or kind girls?

Listen, LISTEN! I’m so grateful you asked this question, because this is literally my troop. I mean, I absolutely love kind girls. They are amazing and beautiful and, heck, I am one and I know it’s no easy role. Their struggles and their deep empathy always reduces me to tears whenever I see them on a show/book or irl. Now, intimidating girls have me weak. They literally have me on their hands. I see one, I develop a crush almost immediately. All of my recent crushes could be tagged as intimidating in some way… it’s just so… HOT and like,, YEAH let’s obliterate this shitty patriarchy with our TEETH. Just look at my recent posts about Captain Marvel. But I raise you, intimidating AND kind (which is probably what op meant by intimidating anyway)

29. who’s your favourite fictional wlw? 

That would have to be the goddess Diana Cavendish. I adore her. I love her arc, I love her character, she’s unbelievably pretty, smart, intimidating AND kind. And I LOVE her admiration and love for Akko. It’s the purest, most beautiful thing I have ever seen… GOD I love that ship.

30. what experiences are you looking forward to having in the future (kissing a girl, going to pride, etc)?

Right now… I really, really want to go to pride for the first time. I still don’t know where I will be when it happens, but I really want to catch it wherever I am. Next on the list would probably be actually dating a girl, but I do believe I still need to work on myself a little more before that… I’m not sure I’m ready for a relationship just yet. But fantasizing sure is nice.

[smallblueandloud]

fanfic writer appreciation day! (one day late)

so i wasn’t planning on doing something today which is why it’s a day late, but there are SO MANY talented authors in every fandom that i’m in and i’m so grateful for ALL OF THEM. so here’s a short and very incomplete list of some of those who i appreciate the most:

@chocolatequeennk: nancy was my gateway writer. she’s the reason why i’m in the doctor/rose fandom and why i write and why i can’t bear to watch moffat episodes, because her rewrites are just SO MUCH BETTER. god, i can’t express how much of an influence nancy has been and i am so grateful and feel so grateful every time she posts anything new or even talks about her writing process. her series being to timelessness is just... the best doctor who rewrite i’ve ever read. (she recently did season 4 and the way that she changed journey’s end was SO COOL and i never would have thought of it <3) although i would be lying if i said that my favorite fic of hers wasn’t retrouvailles. if you’ve ever shipped doctor/rose, you need to go read everything she’s ever written, immediately. ‘nuff said.

@dimensionhoppingrose: sam has written so many good aus and ficlets, and her full dw rewrite in which the doctor is the one who falls during doomsday is... nothing short of monumental and SO AMAZING. she has such a diversity of work and it’s all really wonderful. and she recently started a steven universe fic, which looks super interesting, especially for the pearl lover that i am. i can’t wait to see where she takes it! (edit: I JUST SAW YOU UPDATED AND AS SOON AS I FINISH WRITING THIS I AM GOING TO GO READ IT AND SCREAM. A LOT.)

@perfectlyrose: kelsey is such a multishipper, she’s introduced me to so many good dw wlw ships and i am so grateful to her. her aus are so amazing and she has a particularly good eleven/rose one that is so angsty and so, so good.

@megabadbunny: listen, mbb’s fics are so soft and so loving and so good to read after long days when all you need is ten and rose hashing out their problems and loving each other. seriously. her recent fic in which rose returns home and donna needs to push the doctor off of his ass is one of my favorites, ever. no question. and her art is just the BEST, but that’s a completely other story <3

@theclaravoyant: clara was probably my first author in the aos fandom, and WOW are they an amazing author. i especially love their pride month/femslash  fic, and they recently wrote a wonderful fitzskimmons fic in which jemma’s partners support her and her asexuality :D their multishipping is a joy and every fic that i see on my dash is a gift!

@florchis: flor (is that your nickname? it seems like it would be lol) writes so many good fics for so many good pairings. her fitzskimmons is always wonderful, and the way that she writes relationships are so detailed and so in-character; you can really tell how much she cares and how much she notices. she once wrote a story where fsk goes to visit fitz’s mother after the framework and it’s?? so?? good?? i reread it every few months, because i don’t want to forget how much i love it!

@loved-the-stars-too-fondly: oh man, if you are into aos femslash and you haven’t read the way they happen you’re so messing out. it’s the gold standard in rewriting aos fic, it inspired my current fsk rewrite, it is SO LONG and SO DETAILED, and so much happens that i wish the show had been brave enough to do!! not to mention the fact that the premise is a time traveller’s wife au, which you will be hard pressed to find on ao3 and of which this is the best execution. BY FAR. it just recently finished and it’s WONDERFUL and y’all should read it immediately.

@agentcalliope: god, casey’s prose and premises for stories and characterizations and everything are so amazing. she writes SUCH GOOD royai fic these days (including a half xingese roy mustang fic which is very, very wonderful) and her aos fic is also some of my favorite, ever. (her fitz&daisy fics about their movie nights are so soft and so sweet, and her fic in which fitz confronts his father WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVORITE.)

@isjustprogress: i’ve already written about how much i love this author’s clintnatlaura fics, but i don’t think i’ve expressed how much i love her writing. the way that she writes laura barton is my favorite ever (see: laura barton fixes civil war, laura barton falls in love with a shield agent and then her shield partner, laura barton falls in love with a bartender and then his shield partner, laura barton is so great that she makes clint barton want kids, laura barton is amazing. etc. it’s wonderful.) also, if you ship clintasha in any way, her ao3 page is definitely the place for you. finally (i swear i’m almost done), as i said before, her clintnatlaura fic is AMAZING and everything everyone should read if they ship the ship.

and also, lest i forget, @lastbluetardis, @rizahawkaye, @lvslie, @skyler10fic, @tenscupcake, @seasonofthegeek, @blackjacktheboss, @ananbeth, @buckysbears, @ink-splotch, and of course @words-writ-in-starlight (whose blog i stalk every free minute that i have - that is not an exaggeration - and whose novel alleirat i am currently obsessed with).

(this is just a brief list of some of the authors whom i love and am so grateful for, every single day. if i forgot you, I AM SO SORRY, and if you write and see this on your dash, rest assured you probably belong on this list. i rushed this out in like 20 minutes bc i don’t want it to be later than it already is!)

and finally, happy fanfic writer appreciation day, y’all. thank you doing what y’all do best.

[coshayphinelove]

now that the finale afterglow has faded, i’ve been kind of looking back on the series with a more critical eye than a “PLS DONT LEAVE ME” eye.  

this is by no means the last time i’ll write some kind of long-winded essay, i’m sure i’ll find other things to overthink about on rewatches and as i write more fic, but it is a direct reaction to the finale and the five years i have spent with this show.

in short, the finale was amazing.  it was probably the best finale of any show i have ever seen.  it was satisfying and true to the characters that we had grown to love.  it was realistic insofar that the problems didn’t end with the evil being defeated.  it was bittersweet and made me emotional where i didn’t think the show could anymore.

(although i still haven’t watched the last two episodes of frin/ge so it’s rank may change).

if the rest of the season and the previous two seasons had set it up, it would have been even better.  it is, to this day, my firm opinion that season 1 was the tightest, most well thought out season of television i have ever seen.  like, if you had asked me in season 3 where i thought the finale would be, i would have had such a different answer.  (please do ask me, i have so many thoughts.)

most of my criticisms are on the co-phine/delphine front bc that’s where i’ve curated the most facts, having a few transcripts saved to my computer for ease of access.  and the first thing i have to talk about is the plot holes this season, bc wow, so many.  like, delphine was only there when it was convenient.  that much was clear.  

like she only helped siobhan bc there needed to be a good guy survivor to tell the rest about what happened.  she was only invited to the big house so cosima could invite herself along.  she was only put in the dress so that cosima could be in the suit so that the pr team could tease a wedding.

and she was only in the final clone scene to reinforce that ‘’we can trust her now guys’’.  like she and cosima never talked about anything.  not the shay snafu in season 3, not the lying, not the spying, not the secrets.  which are really big things.  and i’m not saying it had to be 45 minutes of therapy jargon but i am saying that they should’ve said... ‘sorry’ or explained what happened and where they were coming from.  bc to this day i don’t actually know why delphine did what she did in season 3.  what happened in frankfurt?  why did she threaten shay like that instead of just asking?  why was she suddenly working for topside?  none of that ever gets mentioned after it happens.

and as much as the sarah hug helps me with my sarcoshayphine struggles, they hadn’t spoken since ‘piss off delphine.’  how did they get from there to hugging?  ‘we’re doing all of this on account of bloody delphine?’ to soft hugs and kind words?  like yeah, it fit and it worked and it was touching.  but when you think about it, it kind of dissolves.  which is kinda fitting for a lot of the plot this season.

and to me, that left this season of c0p/hine feeling kind of empty.  we reused the ‘can we trust delphine’ plot.  we reused the ‘delphine’s off in a foreign country and therefore unreachable’ plot (eighty times this season, right?).  i still stand by my point that in season 4 she could have been in hiding, having driven off into the sunset to do mrs. s’s bidding.  like they could’ve had delphine funneling info for all of season 4 through mk/siobhan completely off screen.  but she just.. did nothing for all of season 4.  right.  boss ass bitch corporate delphine just... sat around getting told what to do... sure..

or in 5x09 she could have just been around the corner at the grocery store rather than france.  and why even bring that up if you’re never going to do anything with it?  she went home right when cosima would’ve needed her and she was free to be there for her?  what the hell?  and there was no setup for it either.  one second they’re ‘on the precipice of doing anything they want’ and the next delphine went home?  without cosima before the fight is over?  like, season 2 delphine would’ve been doing The Most: cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, chores, snuggles, etc etc.  but instead she hears the news and hops on the first plane out of the country?

like you guys do realize they didn’t say ‘i love you’ this season at all, right?  delphine is ‘motivated by love’ but she doesn’t say it at every possible opportunity?  cosima thought she was dead, but doesn’t blurt it out the first time she sees her after waking up?  like fuck a sex scene, normalize wlw couples saying ‘i love you’ to each other first.

idk...  i know there were scheduling conflicts and i know they had to keep rewriting as the schedule got rearranged, but come on.  i can, right now, change a few key scenes that do something for both cosima and delphine’s character, that keeps them both active and doesn’t just ignore 3 seasons of characterization.

which is another point.  there was so much they could have done with delphine’s character.  not just this season, but for a while.  instead of like.. idk following up on the threads they presented (affair with l**kie, changing sides, the girl who slit her wrists which was implied to be delphine herself, seeming to be worth shooting and kidnapping and nursing to back to health to neolution, what she was doing before cosima got there, what she did in geneva, etc etc) they only brought her back to kiss cosima.  like bottom line.  like, she didn’t really do anything active that someone else wasn’t doing elsewhere except warn siobhan about kira.  which they didn’t even listen to her about.

and several times they referred to her as a lesbian when in 1x08 she clearly and fully called herself bisexual.  and they shot her.  for being in love with cosima.  regardless of what they have recently said about ‘knowing about byg and always intending to bring her back’ they... still did it.  and right afterwards said some really gross stuff about fans who were upset about it.  i don’t really remember all of it, but i do distinctly remember the word ‘reductive’ used to say that fans were reducing her to her sexuality and that was the real problem.  which... see the above several paragraphs.  pot, kettle.  kettle, pot.  (i have separate thoughts on the season 3 debacle..)

which brings me to my main thought.  i think they were too hyperaware of the fandom.  they tried to roll with the scheduling conflicts and make a nice new shiny ship for us.  but when there were complaints (*cough* hate *cough*) thrown at creators/cast over it they waffled and changed their minds.  which then led to a shay shaped plot hole.  also a shay shaped hole in my heart.

and i think someone around season 1 told them they were being progressive and they just... didn’t try to learn new things?  idk how to phrase this.  like season 1 was genuinely feminist.  and the fact that they saw this story unfolding from a female perspective was incredible.  and sarah’s storyline throughout the seasons was incredibly feminist.  and the fact that they thought to include characters of genders other than cis and sexualities other than straight was fantastic.  but after they got a pat on the back for being progressive, they stopped actively trying to call themselves out.  they were like, ‘yes i am progressive and feminist therefore everything i produce is good without a second check.’

but this past season was all about petey and the clones were only used to further reinforce his evilness.  and felix was more active than sarah, the protagonist.  and tony actually got mentioned but he never actually showed up.  and their ‘stand-in for the patriarchy’ got to violently murder two women (of two different underrepresented minorities, ASD and middle aged) while going back and abusing another woman (and praising him and saying he actually loved her!!!!).  and their lesbian character centric episode was primarily focused on her romantic entanglements rather than, say, her and her character.  (which i’ve been learning is actually kind of a problem in the wlw community, is losing yourself to new relationship energy and they could’ve actually taken a stance on this and said something important, but... anyway..)

and the creators were touting this as the most feminist season ever.

...

like okay.  by walking0 de..ad and game- of9 thro///nes standards it is.  but what they said in interviews and what they put on the screen did not match up.  and i think that’s my main problem.  like when i turn on my tv i generally turn off my feminism eyes and my lgbt rep wants.  bc i generally know that not every show is going to be perfect and as long as it’s not like last man standing then i can tolerate it.  but season 1 and their interview presence just got my hopes up.  and they just didn’t deliver on their promises, imo.

and that wouldn’t be so bad, but they were so close, like this close!!  you can’t see my fingers rn, but they’re almost touching...  like they had the perfect setup, a meatball straight down the plate, just begging to be a home run, but they shanked it to right field and got stopped at second base.

like implying in interviews that some characters are nonbinary or confirming characters sexualities is really cool!!! i used to be a r//izzl//es fan, i know how awful it is when cast/creators genuinely don’t want you in their fandom.  getting a confirmation is super cool.... but technically it’s not canon, it’s not In The Show.  like it’s not untrue either, it’s not not canon.  but being Progressive and Feminist and Positive LGBT Rep would’ve been.. idk saying it on the show, in the character’s own words?  bc i can go anywhere and get coded representation, i can go back to the fifties and watch stuff with thinly veiled metaphors and small little nudges in the confirmation direction.  it’s not something you get to pat yourself on the back for.

like, imo 1x08 was probably the best handled lgbt scene.  like delphine stated her identity.  and cosima just went along with it.  and they got to talk candidly about it.  they said ‘gay’ and ‘bisexual’ in the same scene.  like??!!?!??!?! that was amazing.  but for some reason they couldn’t do that for sarah, or felix.  or let tony talk about being trans rather than having it be a hushed whispered conversation between two (then believed to be) cis people without him.

and it was just so frustrating to me, as a viewer, knowing what they meant and seeing what they put out there.  

bc they are two different things.  i can say whatever i want about this post, but at the end of the day it is just a grammatically incorrect, rambling, walk-about way of saying i have insomnia and was thinking about this enough to try and organize my thoughts.  the creators can say whatever they want about the show, but eventually those interviews and those panels will get buried in the internet and all that will stand is their product.  which doesn’t have confirmations of those themes within it.

like i’m forever going to love the show and i’m always going to go back and rewatch.  it’s always going to be an influence on my writing.  it’s just not... me trying to replicate and be like this show it’s trying not to make the same mistakes.  which is kinda sad, bc it used to be the other way.  

and at the end of the day it is feminist.  like it’s about women told from a women’s perspective about allegories for womens’ issues.  it’s just not by women so it missed the mark.  same goes for the lgbt stuff.  it is progressive that they thought to include it, but the stories they ended up telling were closer to the older stuff than what they thought.  

i just wish they had brought in a third showrunner that was a woman and had lgbt writers come in to tell the lgbt stories.  that doesn’t mean that it would’ve automatically been 100% Unproblematic™ but i think it would have been a lot closer to what they had promised.

anyway, i miss it already.