#also this is making me grit my teeth bc now I really want to rewrite some of these openings

[total-serene560]

Writing Patterns

thanks for the tag me @longtallglasses and @magentamee!

rules: list the first line(s) of your last 10 8 5 posted fics (and 6 wips) and see if there's a pattern.

(these are not in chronological order of when I wrote them, but man I feel like it's super obvious which ones I wrote more recently)

POSTED:

What's On Your Mind (Pure Energy)

This summer, Mike decides, has been complete and utter bullshit. 

I Dare You

It was 3am at that point. The party they left had ended hours ago- one of those end of the year events hosted by their high school that had way too much adult supervision for any of the teenage antics that usually went on at all the parties they never got invited to over the past three years.

The Truth Runs Wild Inside of Me

Mike closes his eyes, El right across from him one second and swallowed up by darkness the next. She had a makeshift blindfold pulled taught over her eyes, making her quick-growing curly hair splay out in all directions when she asked him to sit down in front of her and close his eyes.  

Below The Fold

 It took until Piper was standing in Oberland Station, talking to a confused couple that was really just minding their own business in the biting morning of the autumn wasteland, for her to realize that whoever told her that they had some juicy story for her was a big fat liar. 

Source Decay (first thing I posted after a 5 year gap in writing lol)

Piper stood in front of the massive gate of Diamond City, her face pinched in frustration, “Seriously?” She muttered under her breath, rubbing her temples with her hands as she paced back and forth in front of the gate, “What the hell!”

UNPOSTED WIPS:

A Papercut For Two (Part 1 of A Strange Education)

The morning before his life is set on an unavoidable trajectory for disaster, Mike almost gets his foot run over by Nancy’s stupid car.

Violent Angles (So Tangled Up)

Warm wind blew against his face, picking the loose curly strands of his hair off his forehead and neck as he stepped out of the car and onto the gravel of the parking lot. The papers in his hand fluttered as he turned and closed the car door.

Go West, Young Man

Young boys were not supposed to roam the foothills without supervision. They were full of bears and cougars and abandoned mineshafts that burrowed into the land like goring wounds in the abdomen of a dying cattle driver. The people before had come for copper and gold, and left behind yawning pits that could crush a body as well as a bear’s teeth. And the people before that, he did not know. 

The Way

His mouth tasted like copper and white liquor when he finally came to, body heavy on scratchy carpet that scraped against the right side of his face. His arm was numb beneath him, and he squeezed his fist a few times until the nerves screamed back to life and made his hand feel warm and tingly. He rolled on his back, the popcorn ceiling swimming above him as he fought to keep his eyes open despite the pain piercing through his skull. 

Cyclebreaker

Hopper remembers bringing his fists down into Will's ribs, over and over until he gasped his way back to life. He remembers the phonecalls and the endless appointments with Sam, the odd shiver he’d get realizing that Sam thought Will was his. His and Joyce’s, a miserable little family that tragedy would follow around like the grim reaper, reminding him that he’s not only cursed, but a curse. He remembers how Jonathan told him they’d be okay, how okay never quite turned out to be what any of them expected, once all the dust settled and they tried to piece back together normal. He’d been piecing back together normal since Sarah, though, and he’s convinced it’s made up. A lie meant to comfort those that couldn’t handle the truth; life is going to destroy you, and there’s no way back to normal. 

Unison

“-And that’s the traffic. Now to-”

Nate turned the volume down, one hand on the wheel. Silence filled the void between them.

tagging: @oldfashionedmorphine @fireflywitch @pearlypairings @wendydarlingfics @id-rather-be-home @parkitaco @foodiewithdahoodie and all my other mutuals who write! (sorry if I double tagged you)

[ushittyoldman]

nobody’s fault but mine (pt. 2)

Levi wouldn’t really be Levi if he knew how to handle his intense feelings for you.

pairing. levi x fem!reader AND a little bit of jean x fem!reader (b/c once again i am a slut 4 jean too)

warnings. some fluff, language (b prepared for a lot of the f-bomb)

a/n. hi sorry 4 the long wait, life is a little hectic rn (it’s snowing n our power has been going out on n off for the past few days lmfao also school b lowkey kicking my ass) BUT i wanted 2 say thank u so so much 4 all ur feedback to part 1 it was so so so unexpected n sweet n flattering i literally still can’t wrap my head around it. i would rly appreciate some feedback 2 this one too since this is A LOT more levi n i actually adored writing him but i would luv 2 know what u guys think of my characterization of him (im a little nervy) but yes feedback is encouraged! this is kinda long but a lot happens so i rly hope u guys appreciate this n enjoy it bc it took me so long 2 write n rewrite it heheheh (side note 4 the sake of age n everything, all the 104th cadets r actually 18+ including our cute lil reader) also! pls continue 2 request more levi ok that’s it 4 now enjoy!

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.”

“Jean!”

The hushed voices stirred you out of the pleasant state of unconsciousness you had been in. A sharp pain shot through your head as you slowly opened your eyes, blinking quickly to adjust to the bright light. You flexed your fingers subtly as an attempt to gain awareness of yourself and your surroundings. Once you were comfortable, you slowly turned your head to your right and saw a scene you had grown painfully familiar with– Jean arguing with someone. The victim of the week was Armin, and you almost wanted to laugh at the quick back-and-forth between the two.

“Your bedside manner… sucks,” you managed to mumble. You cringed at the uncharacteristic hoarseness of your voice.

“There she is!” Jean exclaimed, shooting a victorious smirk at Armin, before fondly looking down at you, as he moved closer to your side.

You heard multiple gasps of your name, and you quickly turned your head to your left, before regretting it due to the sharp pang that followed in your head. Nevertheless, you mustered up as bright a smile as you could, looking at your friends who had all taken various positions throughout the room. Eren was the first to your bed, embracing you tightly.

“That was scary,” he softly mumbled your name, before pulling back, “Don’t do that again.”

The concern on his face startled you momentarily, and you couldn’t help but avert your eyes. You blinked quickly before looking up and shyly smiling at Eren.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

You then looked up at your fellow cadets, who stood surrounding your small bed in the infirmary. Your love for these people sat heavily in your chest, and you beamed up at them, before you realized you were in the infirmary.

“What happened?” you genuinely asked, your husky voice taking you by surprise again.

“Oh, I’ll tell you what happened!” Jean scowled, crossing his arms in anger, “That little bastard—”

“Jean, you can’t say that about the Captain!” Sasha chided, looking sideways in fear as if to emphasize her point.

“Captain, my ass!”

You attempted to stifle your giggling, yet your mood significantly dropped upon remembering Levi’s treatment towards you this past month. You tried to conceal your obviously bothered expression, but you felt a hand softly ruffle your hair. You looked up and smiled at Reiner.

“Don’t sweat it, kiddo, I’m sure he’ll tone down the punishments after this,” he reassured, obviously mistaking your dejection over your unreciprocated feelings for Levi for something else.

Appreciating the gesture, you continued to smile up at him while nodding softly. Reiner had a comforting presence, and you felt your mood brighten slightly.

“Fingers crossed,” you deadpanned, earning a soft laugh from Bertholdt, who had taken a seat at the foot of your bed.

Jean’s relentless bashing of the Captain continued, as Sasha, Connie, and Armin attempted to calm him down, warning him about the consequences they’d all have to face if word got back to Levi. Eren gritted his teeth in irritation, as he glared up at Jean, threatening to “knock him out if he didn’t shut up,” while Mikasa had silently moved around the chaos to rest her calloused hand on your own, silently squeezing as a gesture of comfort. You squeezed back.

“Look, all I’m saying is he obviously has it out for her. She’s a better soldier than all of us– even you, titan boy— and it’s still not good enough? I call bullshit!”

“I think he’s just trying to be a good teacher, I’m sure there’s a lot I can still improve on,” you justified, and all eyes turned to you.

“There’s not,” Mikasa bluntly stated, leaving no room for argument.

Your friends all agreed, and you scrunched your nose playfully to conceal the warmth that had spread throughout your body at their praise. You worked hard to get where you were– there was a satisfaction in knowing that all of your effort wasn’t going unacknowledged.

“Jean-boy’s right—”

“Bastard!”

“—Captain Levi has been unnecessarily cruel to her, and we’ve all noticed it!” Eren’s fists clenched in anger as he ignored Jean’s yelling.

“But the Captain isn’t the type to hold grudges or act impulsively, so I think there’s something deeper to it,” Armin reasoned, apologetically glancing at you in case his words offended you.

You nodded softly, not wanting to worsen your headache; however, it didn’t really matter when Jean’s painfully loud voice retaliated almost immediately.

“He overworked her to the point of her passing out from exhaustion and severe dehydration!” His eyebrows furrowed in anger, and his sandy brown hair bounced with his every move.

You winced from the pain in your head, and the movement didn’t go unnoticed by Reiner, who glanced at you from where he stood.

“Jean— inside voice, yeah?” Reiner softly spoke, subtly tilting his head down towards you. Jean’s gaze softened and concern replaced the anger on his contorted features, as he apologized to you.

“Yeah, seriously, what are you getting so worked up for?” Connie innocently asked, before a knowing look crossed his features. He turned to his partner-in-crime, and the two donned shit-eating grins as they turned back to Jean.

“Right, that’s why.”

Bertholdt, whose lanky body had been horizontally lying across the bed comfortably, sat up onto his elbows and cluelessly asked, “What’s why?”

Sasha’s smile widened, and she crossed her arms, mimicking Connie’s knowing smirk. “It’s because Jean-boy, here, is sweet on our dear little—”

“Would you shut up!” Jean yelled louder than before, fists shaking in anger. His face was flushed an impossible shade of red, and you would’ve joined in on the laughter, had your head not exploded from the pain.

You were fully aware of the incessant teasing Jean received regarding his relationship with you, and you would honestly be lying if you said you didn’t get a kick out of it as well. Deciding to spare your friend today, you sent a good-natured smile to him, hoping that would be enough to quell his frustration.

Had you not turned to converse with Eren, you wouldn’t have missed Jean’s dazed smile.

While talking to Eren, your mind briefly drifted to Levi and the situation that was weighing heavily on you. You didn’t want to believe that the Captain hated you– you desperately grasped onto your excuse that he was simply a harsh teacher. And yet, you knew there was something more to it.

In a panic-driven moment, you momentarily wondered if he had somehow found out about your feelings for him. You remembered him telling you about his upbringing— you knew better than most that Levi and confessions of love did not go together... at all. Before you could further dig yourself deeper into the pitiful hole you had been in the past month, a painfully familiar voice broke through your intrusive thoughts.

“You know how loud you are? This isn’t a damn daycare.”

“Sir!”

All conversation in the room came to an abrupt halt. You couldn’t help but grow amused at the sight of Eren and Bertholdt scrambling off your bed to stand and salute their superior. Your small smile was wiped off your face when your eyes met stormy grey ones. You quickly looked down, before inhaling quickly and swiftly pulling your bedsheets back. You attempted to muster as much strength as you could, ignoring the multiple eyes on you. You gracefully stood up from the bed, and turned to Levi, managing the salute as well. You slowly looked up at him.

“Sir,” you shakily mumbled, internally cringing once again at the uncharacteristic rasp to your voice.

You received proud looks of admiration from your friends, though Jean’s remained more concerned than proud. Idiot! he thought to himself. We know you’re strong, now’s not the time to prove it!

Levi, meanwhile, had tried his very best to suppress the guilt that had been eating away at him for the past day; however, it had only worsened when he saw you and heard your weak voice. Upon making eye contact with you, he almost wanted to fall to his knees and apologize profusely for everything he had put you through, audience be damned. 

Levi had spent the better half of the day pacing around your room in the infirmary wing of the Scout Regiment’s base, lost deeply in his thoughts, as his concern for you weighed heavily in his heart. After a few more hours of pacing, he had finally come to the conclusion that he was an idiot (a grade A, unique brand of idiot all in a league of his very own), and that he was in love with you.

Where the first realization annoyed him to high heaven, the second one brought him a sense of peace that was only heightened every time he had looked at your unconscious form.

Levi, uncomfortable with the amount of self-actualizing he had done that day, had left the room after softly caressing your cheek, hoping to convey all of his guilt and apologies and love into the simple gesture. Once he was away from the infirmary wing of the base, he inhaled deeply, itching for the comfort of a cup of warm tea. On his way to the mess hall, he had passed by your friends from the 104th, all undoubtedly on their way to see you. Levi’s eyebrow had slightly risen upon noticing the varying looks of defiance and anger on each of their faces. He had remained unfazed, his half-lidded eyes looking away, as if he hadn’t even seen them at all.

Somehow, it was harder to face them now with you standing amongst them. 

His face retained its usual impassive and bored expression, yet it momentarily faltered when he noticed you slightly stumble from where you were standing next to the hospital bed. Levi’s heartbeat quickened, and he made a subtle move to rush over to you to catch you for the second time that day, but Jean was quicker. The taller man had been keeping a watchful eye on you, and had quickly dropped his salute to stand behind you and steady your slightly uncoordinated form. You comfortably relaxed backwards into his arms as you sent a grateful smile up at him, and he softly smiled back in response, leading you back to the bed.

Levi was both relieved and a little fucking pissed off.

“Visiting hours are over— I need to talk to the brat,” he lazily said, authority ringing loudly and clearly in his command.

For the first time in all his years of captaining the scouts, there was a quick hesitation after his command.

Levi raised an unamused eyebrow at each of the cadets, silently challenging them to disobey him. Despite his threatening aura, he wouldn’t blame any of your friends if they were to defy Levi. The Captain deserved it for his treatment of you— he’d take it like a man.

Your eyes widened in surprise when your friends subtly glanced at you, silently asking if it was okay to leave you alone with him. Upon hearing Levi’s request to talk to you, your heart had begun to uncontrollably race and you swore you could feel it in your throat. You were disappointed in yourself for growing excited at finally being able to talk to him. 

Blinking quickly, your cheeks grew hot under everyone’s gazes, so you reassuringly smiled at your eight friends, and you once again felt the genuine love you had for them erupt within your heart. 

Ever the peacemaker of the group, Armin signaled for the rest to follow him out of the room, and they each uncertainly walked behind him. Mikasa squeezed your hand once more before following closely behind Eren, who sent you an encouraging smile. Bertholdt subtly sent a thumbs up to you, while Reiner winked at you as he looked over his broad shoulder. Your smile widened; however, it faltered when your eyes met Jean’s. His irritated expression worried you, yet before you could respond, he turned away and walked past Levi.

Levi had to give it to Jean— not many people had the balls to openly glare at the Captain.

Once everyone was gone, the tension within the room increased tenfold. You looked at Levi, and you bit your lip in contemplation, anticipating what he would say. Many thoughts rang through your head.

Was it another punishment? Was he going to yell at me? Did he find out about my fee–

“How do you feel?”

You almost had to pinch yourself. After one month of barely any interactions with your friend— if you were still even allowed to call him that— you realized how starved you were for pleasant conversation with Levi.

“I’ve been better,” you breathed out, still cautious. “How… how do you feel?”

Even after such an unpleasant experience, your unwavering kindness shone just as brightly. Levi’s heart ached so sweetly, and he internally groaned upon realizing how fucking whipped he was.

He silently stepped forward, pulling a seat to the side of your bed. Once he was seated, Levi looked into your eyes, and you felt your breath hitch at the intensity of the swirl of emotions dancing within his normally cold eyes. He exhaled softly.

You noticed how tired he looked.

“Just peachy.”

There was a pregnant pause, and you came to realize that there was just too much you wanted to say to him, and you didn’t know where to start. Your soft eyes held his sharp gaze.

“You scared the shit out of me, brat.”

Your heart involuntarily skipped a beat, and your eyes widened in response.

“I did?” you internally slapped yourself at your stupid response.

“Yeah. You did.”

“Sorry, sir,” you softly mumbled.

“Levi… just Levi.”

The Levi in front of you was a completely different man from the one who you’ve had the pleasure of interacting with over the past month. You thought back to your friends and their anger at your mistreatment, and you thought of the many unfair punishments, cold shoulder treatments, and overworking during training (despite you being second only to Humanity’s Strongest, himself). Slowly, your incredulity at being treated like a lapdog began to dim and was replaced by your growing indignation. Though you were no stranger to standing up for yourself, you still felt your anxiety skyrocket as you looked back up at your superior.

“Do you hate me, Captain? Did I… did I do something?”

And there it was.

Levi knew the question would come up at some point, and yet he still felt ill-prepared in his response. He knew this was a big step for you— in the whole year that he’s gotten to know you, he learned how much you hated confrontation. You blatantly ignoring his request and choosing to address him by his title caught his attention, and he frowned. When he looked into your slightly watery eyes, a warmth spread throughout his chest, and he had to clear his throat.

“Don’t say shit like that, you haven’t done anything.”

Levi wanted to punch himself— he was never good with words.

You, however, weren’t fazed by the manner in which he spoke. You had fallen for the man, harsh words and all.

“Then why have you—” you paused as you momentarily lost your voice.

Levi thought it was cute (to be fair, he found everything about you endearing), yet he knew it would be inappropriate to openly admire you when you were so clearly upset with him.

“Sorry,” you grew embarrassed and licked your lips, “It’s just… well, why have you been ignoring me? And— and yelling at me? We stopped drinking tea together, and practicing in the forests. You don’t even acknowledge me when I talk to you! I’m sure you have a really good reason, sir, but I just—”

Levi detested the sick feeling of guilt that churned within his heart. In hindsight, he really should’ve thought it through before he began his little plan of distancing himself from you. How else was he supposed to tell you oh, everyone in the fucking Scout Regiment wants you, and so do I, but I haven’t done anything about it because I’m a pussy, so I just decided to take it out on you and wallow in my own self-pity like the sad little man I am, without sounding like he was deranged.

“—I just miss you.”

Levi’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch, and his breath hitched. This time it was the sincerity in your eyes that made him look away quickly.

“I…”

I’ve missed you too, dammit.

At his lack of a response, your eyebrows furrowed, and your irritation grew. Your small hands balled the soft bedsheet, and you swallowed to soften the burn in your throat before speaking.

“Why did you even come here?” you scoffed indignantly, attempting to mask your hurt, “Was it to just to yell at me some more? Oh, I know! Maybe I need to run through training ten more times again, right?”

The guilt churned even more in his chest, and Levi seriously wanted to punch himself. He willed himself to say something— anything— but he felt speechless in front of you.

“Levi,” you hoarsely spoke with desperation, and he looked into your watery eyes. “Say something, please.”

It was as if you had read his mind, and a slight feeling of reassurance quelled the storm in his heart; you really were the only one for him. As he met your eyes— your beautiful, enchanting eyes— he felt his self-hatred skyrocket at the amount of hurt in them. He had grown used to seeing them filled with humor, kindness, and a soft edge that was rare to find nowadays. Yet seeing them filled with such pain and hurt was unsettling, and Levi went mute for the fifth time that day.

You nodded in understanding when he failed to say anything, and your heart clenched. Jean had been right— you were nothing more than a lovesick puppy. You blinked quickly as a poor attempt to conceal your tears, yet nothing ever escaped the Captain’s attention.

His gaze softened, and Levi found out something else about himself— he really didn’t like seeing you cry.

“Shit, please don’t cry,” he tenderly mumbled, as he leaned closer to you and gently cupped your face to wipe away your tears with the pads of his thumb. 

Your breath hitched and your full lips involuntarily parted. You relished in the warmth of his touch, and you wanted nothing more than to lean into his comforting hand. Your name fell from his lips, and you felt yourself come back to reality. Remembering just how you had gotten into this situation, you decided to stand your ground. Despite everything in your body begging to give in and accept this moment with the Captain, you stood unwavering in your decision.

You gently grabbed his large hand with both your hands, and moved it away from your face and into your lap. You held it there loosely and delicately rubbed your fingers over his hand soothingly before eventually stopping, and looking back up at him.

His usual bored expression was long gone, and in its place was a very tender and vulnerable expression. A storm was brewing in his grey eyes, and you distantly remembered stargazing once with him. You had desperately wished you could read his thoughts— somehow, you had found his daunting eyes more fascinating than the starry sky. You felt an ache in your heart at the intimate memories, and you really really wished Levi loved you the way you love him.

“You know what, Levi? It doesn’t even matter if you hate me, because—” you inhaled sharply. 

This has to be done, you reassured yourself, or else you’d be subjecting yourself to an onslaught of hurt and heartbreak. 

“—Because I hate you.”

Your lip quivered and your broken voice faltered. And of course, Levi noticed.

His eyes darted down to your lips at the slight movement. His hands had stilled, and he decided that getting eaten by a damn titan would be much less painful than this.

And then he’s looking at you. You looked back at him, yet he’s looking at you— through you— in that way that makes you want to hide and hold your ground at the same time.

“Right,” Levi drawled, and you knew he didn’t believe you (hell, you were unconvinced yourself). His eyes reverted back to their cold nature, and he ran a hand through his hair, allowing the silky strands to softly land against his forehead.

He stood up, and wordlessly gave you a onceover. Under his scrutiny, you felt yourself grow insecure, but deep down you desperately hoped he’d stay. You bit your bottom lip in apprehension, and Levi’s eyes softened at the sight of your nervous habit.

How is it that he could kill titans all the livelong day yet when it came to this sweet girl, so small and disarming, he couldn’t even utter a single word?

Levi had never felt more pathetic. He peered down at you, momentarily debating whether it would be right for him to attempt one last thing before finally deciding fuck it, and gently cupping your cheek for the third time that day, bending down, and pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. He gingerly inhaled your enticing scent, appreciating how even after the hell he had put you through, you still smelled so alluring.

You were positive that Levi could hear your heartbeat. You blinked many times in disbelief, as he pulled away and sent one last lingering gaze down at you. 

Levi slightly smirked at the pretty blush that had colored your cheeks, his half-lidded eyes drinking in the mesmerizing sight of you sitting up in your bed and gaping up at him, your cheeks flushed and wet with the remnants of your tears. He turned around and silently left the room. 

He had ignored every part of his body that begged him to stay.

▲▼▲

“Shut up, I can barely hear them!”

“Ow— Bertholdt, you’re stepping on my foot!”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Watch it, horse face!”

“Eren.”

“You piece of shit, I’m—”

The piece of bread that had been tightly held in Sasha’s grip suddenly fell to the floor. Everyone went silent.

“Holy shit, I think… I think he just kissed her.”

Jean really hoped Sasha was wrong. 

He decided to ignore the fact that her freakishly good hearing bordered on supernatural, so there was really no way she could’ve been wrong with a mere wooden door standing between her and the conversation.

“I knew there was something going on between them! Reiner— pay up.”

Reiner muttered several curses under his breath as he pulled out a hefty stack of cash from his pocket. Connie’s grin widened.

Armin had glanced up at Jean, slightly alarmed at the dark expression on his face. Before he could comfort his friend, the door suddenly opened. Everyone scrambled to straighten themselves up, attempting to act like they hadn’t been just eavesdropping on the entire conversation between you and the Captain.

A chorus of sir’s rang throughout the large hallway, and Levi grew amused at the sight before him. His lips twitched upwards, and the cadets had to almost physically stop their mouths from dropping open at the sight. Levi’s ghost of a smile disappeared when his eyes met Jean’s seething ones.

The two held each other’s gazes, Levi’s expression being cool, while Jean’s had been irritated. Levi was not a fucking idiot; he knew the kid was in love with you.

Join the fucking club.

Levi, realizing that this was the exact reason he had gotten himself into that mess with you and not really wanting to sour his somewhat good mood, looked away from Jean to nod at the group of your friends.

“As you were.”

He brushed past Jean, his gaze as intimidating as ever, as he silently walked down the hallway. Jean’s fists clenched tightly. Once Levi had turned the corner, the group exploded into chatter, their reactions varying from stunned to adoring.

Jean really really fucking hoped Sasha was wrong.

▲▼▲

Your horse trotted proudly through the vast landscape, the wind blew through your open hair, your friends teased each other amicably, and your excitement grew at finally being cleared to join the scouts on their next expedition. Though you hadn’t been getting much sleep lately, and you’ve been a little too preoccupied to eat much, nothing could bring your mood down at this moment.

You were alongside your friends as you all followed the section commanders as their horses galloped into the edge of the forest. The mission for today was to exterminate any titans who had wandered too close to the walls. A simple mission, and you were more than capable.

You had been in a great mood.

Until your eyes landed on Levi.

He had been further up, leading his own squad. He had turned around to respond to Gunther, and that’s when his eyes had met yours. Your internal conflict grew, and you ultimately ended up averting your eyes and ignoring him, deciding to maintain your cold treatment towards him. 

Him kissing your head had only further confused you, despite the sweet butterflies you felt every time you thought back to it. Levi’s treatment towards you had unexpectedly changed since that day in the infirmary, and it had reverted to the way it was before his sudden aversion to you, though there was something much sweeter in his actions. You swore you were getting whiplash.

Though he had been significantly kinder to you, you had held your ground, unrelenting in your declaration. Part of you was terrified that if you gave in and became comfortable, he’d suddenly return back to the yelling, the punishments, and the overworking. Part of you also didn’t want to face reality— your feelings were unreciprocated, and they would only serve to bring you a world of heartache and sadness.

Your cold shoulder towards him was nothing compared to the way he had treated you. Yours mainly consisted of avoiding him, and when that wasn’t an option and you had to interact with him, you kept it civil and short. Your heart would ache, but you knew it was for the best. It helped that Jean would offer approving smiles and words of encouragement, even going as far as to smirk when you had ignored the Captain.

Levi, meanwhile, had frowned when he noticed that you ignored him. Again.

In all honesty, he did deserve it, but that didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt like a bitch. He grew irked at your display. Levi hoped you would understand that him kissing your head and showing affection towards you was his grand confession of love. You knew he was shit with words, and he hoped that that would be enough.

He was sadly fucking mistaken.

His attention had been on you the whole mission. Even when the scouts had to dismount from the horses to use the ODM gear through the trees, he had somehow managed to keep a watchful eye on you. You were graceful as ever as you flew through the trees, though his observing gaze noticed that your reaction time was noticeably slower than normal. He had also noticed the dark circles under your usually bright eyes, and he grew worried upon noticing your overall state.

Levi, himself, wasn’t faring much better. He was getting virtually no sleep, running completely on caffeine, adrenaline, and pure will, yet he still made sure he was in excellent shape when it came to these missions— humanity was resting on his shoulders, after all.

The firing of a flare gun in the distance indicated that the group would be encountering titans— a lot of titans— from the left. The soldiers prepared, all eyes focused on the left. You had conveniently taken up the right-most end of the formation, and your attention had also been on the left, your blades held tightly in your hands.

It was only by chance that Levi decided to glance down at you as he soared above you in the middle of the formation. Your eyes met once again, and Levi’s heart lurched at the beautiful sight, when movement behind you immediately caught his attention. A large abnormal with the ability to jump from tree to tree had suddenly appeared and made an attempt to grab you. Your attention had been solely on Levi, so you hadn’t noticed, especially over the roar of the wind in your ears.

Levi’s eyes widened, and he yelled out your name. The rich baritone of his deep voice reached your ears, and you turned slightly behind you, yet you reacted too slowly. Your body jerked backwards, flying so far from the group. You flew through the air at such a great speed that it took you by surprise when you slammed against a tree as the wires of your ODM gear grew tangled. The abnormal had missed you— barely. Your head slammed against the tree and you felt the wind knocked out of your body at the impact.

You whimpered at the hell of a hospital stay you’d have to face after this.

The abnormal almost seemed to be grinning wider upon realizing that it had successfully subdued you. You attempted to quickly stand up, though your body yelled in agony at the movement. Willing yourself to fight back, you shakily stood up, tightly gripping your blades that had miraculously not fallen to the ground throughout the struggle. You winced at the searing pain that shot through your head, yet you clenched your teeth in determination. Realizing that your gear was broken and therefore useless, you quickly discarded yourself of it, and felt some of the tension in your body alleviate now that you were significantly lighter.

“The hell is she doing?” Jean yelled incredulously from his spot next to Levi, and the other members of the group looked on in shock as they all attempted to make it to you in time.

“She’s fighting back,” Levi spoke through gritted teeth, his worry for you eating him alive. His eyebrows were furrowed in stress and anxiety, and he was now soaring impossibly fast through the trees in order to reach you.

Stupid brat. Stupid, resilient, little brat.

“Attagirl!” Oluo and Eld cheered, and Petra shoved them, warning them to stop their blatant ogling in the middle of a dangerous mission. They skillfully dodged her attack, grinning at their adept use of the ODM gear.

A noise towards the side caught their attention, and the group realized the titans they had been anticipating were now in sight. Levi coolly assessed the shitty situation, before commanding that most of the soldiers take care of the titans, while Levi, his squad, and some of the 104th’s cadets would assist you. The group split up, and Levi turned his attention back to you, his heart thumping against his chest.

As the titan made a move to grab you, you exhaled quickly to focus before skillfully jumping onto its elongated arm and running quickly towards its nape. You were defying gravity as you gained speed the higher you went. The titan wasn’t stupid, and it began to grab you with its other arm, yet you anticipated its move. You lithely dodged it, executing a quick front flip as you narrowly escaped its grasp once again.

This was it!

You saw your opening. You leaped forward and pushed your feet against its shoulder as hard as you could, soaring high up in the air above the titan. Muscle memory served you well, and you thought back to the training circuit that had mimicked a situation almost exactly like this one. You gracefully began to spin yourself faster and faster, your cape billowing behind you as you finally readied your blades for the final blow. You yelled out, as your head pain worsened. As a result, your maneuver faltered slightly, almost imperceptible to the human eye. The titan noticed.

It lashed a large hand out again, attempting to grab you, but it accidentally slapped your body away. You cried out in pain, and you flew in the direction of your friends, hurtling towards the ground. You were falling so fast, and you felt yourself grow dizzy from being chucked around so much in the last five minutes.

Eren yelled out your name, a whimper stuck in his throat at the sight of your almost lifeless body spiraling downwards. Jean’s eyes widened, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it in time.

Levi’s heart stopped upon witnessing the titan slap your body with so much force. You were plummeting towards the ground at an impossible speed, and he didn’t even think twice before withdrawing his ODM gear’s hooks and diving towards you within the blink of an eye. His cape flew behind him, and a determined glint had overtaken his angry features. 

You had been bordering between consciousness and unconsciousness, yet the sight above you had been so clear that it almost felt as if everything was moving in slow motion. Your long hair flew around you, creating a curtain around your face, as you looked up at Levi. He had dived towards you, his jaw so tightly clenched. His muscular long arm began reaching out to you. The ground was quickly approaching, and you felt a sense of serenity at the sight of your Captain, despite your confusion and the severity of this situation.

“Levi,” you mumbled, smiling softly.

His face dropped upon seeing the calm expression on your face, and he willed himself to go faster, a number of expletive curses ringing through his head. 

That damn titan. Did it know how small you were? How precious you were?

He spun himself slightly to gain momentum, and he saw you were just within reach. Levi confidently stretched his strong arm out even more, managing to wrap his hand around your arm. He swiftly pulled you into his chest, one arm wrapping around your waist, while the other hand cradled your head protectively against his broad chest. He swiftly flipped himself around to face his body upwards, further ensuring he’d take the majority of the blow in case you two ended up hitting the ground, and shot both of his ODM gear’s hooks into a nearby tree, propelling both of you away from the ground and towards the high branch. You fleetingly realized how familiar this position felt.

Once Levi safely landed, he kneeled, and supported your body against his thigh as he continued to hold you in his arms. He quickly looked over his shoulder, and could make out the sight of the titan falling to the ground. All the members of his squad seemed alive and well, so he turned his attention back to you. His eyes quickly darted over your face, desperately searching for any obvious injuries.

Your eyes fluttered open at the feeling of Levi running his hands through your hair and over your cheeks. The Levi in front of you was leagues different from the cool and composed one you had come to know. He had a frantic look in his eyes, his jaw clenched tightly, as he desperately peered down at you. 

“Le… Levi?” You mumbled, your voice still a little hoarse from your recent infirmary stay.

“You are so precious to me, you hear me?” He lowly spoke, panic and anger and a whole plethora of emotions coloring his normally deadpan voice.  

Your jaw fell open and you were almost positive you were suffering from a mean concussion, and this was a hallucination. “Wha—”

“You’re a fucking brat— an incredibly frustrating, resilient little brat— but you’re mine.”

You dazedly looked up at him, and you realized how close his face was to yours. His muscular chest was heaving up and down, and a small droplet of sweat dripped down from his hairline. Levi’s handsome features held nothing but adoration for you, and in that moment nothing could bring you down from the high you were experiencing. You felt his warm hands cup your cheek once more, a habit he seemed to be fond of.

“You want a fucking declaration of love? Here it is— if anything happens to you, I swear I’ll kill every titan on this piece of shit planet,” he spoke, surprisingly unbothered with how vulnerable he was being with you. He moved closer to you, his forehead nearly resting on your own. “I don’t give a fuck if you hate me or not. You’re mine, and I’m yours. And that’s all there is to it.”

Your hand creeped up to grasp the wrist of the hand that had been caressing your face, and you tightened your fingers around it. He froze, momentarily wondering if you were rejecting his confession, and he internally groaned at the thought. 

There’d be no coming back from this one.

“You’re mine?” You shakily asked, a gloriously beautiful smile slowly gracing your features.

“That’s what I said,” he mumbled, attempting to conceal how lovestruck he felt at your smile.

“After… after we get home and I get some medical attention, you’re going to have to kiss me, alright? I’m—”

You were cut off by his lips pressing against your own. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you relished in the soft feeling of his lips molding against yours. You felt an indescribable warmth erupt in your chest, and you whimpered against Levi’s lips. His kiss was soft and warm, a huge contrast to the Levi from this past month. He pulled away just as quickly as he had bent down.

“One for the road,” he simply explained, glancing down at you. He internally smirked at the pretty blush coloring your cheeks— he was always fond of the sight.

▲▼▲

“You’re not serious.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

You stifled your giggles at Levi’s straight face. Your expression still showed your disbelief at what he had just told you.

“I’m not an idiot, Levi, I know how some people look at me,” you laughed, rolling your eyes playfully.

“Even the Commander?”

“Oh, I’m working my way up through the ranks right now, can’t you tell?” You teased, gesturing down to your intertwined bodies, as you both faced each other in his warm bed.

“You’re funny, brat,” he deadpanned, no heat and all fondness as he affectionately pinched your cheeks.

You snuggled deeper into his chest, savoring the warmth that you were enveloped in. You were wearing his shirt— still warm and smelling strongly of him— and you inhaled softly as your face pressed deeper into his chest. Somehow, the slight aftermath of your headache from the recent expedition began to dull slightly.

“I’m sorry again,” Levi murmured, softly cradling your head against his chest.

“Really? I couldn’t tell the first five hundred times you said so,” you teased, looking up at him. Your breath hitched at the sight of his face angled down towards you, dark wisps of hair falling over his eyes and structured face. Levi was so painfully handsome, you could feel your heart flutter.

His eyes were intense, and his guilt continued to stir within his stomach. Seemingly able to read his mind, you pressed a chaste kiss to his warm chest.

“Idiot,” you mumbled, “I really wouldn’t care if the King himself came up to me and proposed, and you know exactly why.” 

“Humor me.”

“Terrifying guy, goes by the name of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier?”

He chuckled lowly, the deepness of his voice vibrating through his chest, and your insides turned to mush. Feeling relieved at successfully pulling Levi out of his little hole of guilt, you yawned softly. Your bruised ribs still ached at times, yet you ignored it this time to cuddle deeper into Levi, who was also on the verge of sleep.

He was sleepily looking down at you, observing your attempts to get comfortable in his embrace, and he softly smiled to himself. His muscular arms tightened around you, one of his hands coming to rest on the soft curve of your hip. He relished in the fact that sleep would be coming easily to him with you here. Levi had surprised himself with how easily he was able to show his affections toward you, and he chalked it up to that being further proof that you really were the only one for him.

He felt a warmth come from the sweet pang in his chest, and it spread throughout his entire body. Levi had learned to associate that feeling with you.

His eyes closed silently, and you pressed one last kiss to his chest.

“Precious,” he mumbled, “Precious little brat.”

▲▼▲

[ruiyuki]

"Vanitas": The Name and Legacy

Vanitas declares early on that his motive for using the Book of Vanitas to save vampires of the Red Moon is to take "revenge against the Vampire of the Blue Moon". But some of his actions, reactions and expressions seem to contradict a conventional interpretation of "revenge". Seeing how MochiJun is a master of conveying things through facial expressions, nondescript panels, and double meanings, here's my stab at trying to figure out a bit of Vanitas' complexity and his (??hidden??) motives.

⚠️⚠️⚠️ MANGA SPOILERS, obv ⚠️⚠️⚠️

Also this analysis is really long. ‼Continuation in reblogs.‼

For the sake of minimizing confusion I'm going to refer to our!Vanitas as "Vani", Vampire of the Blue Moon (VotBM) as "Luna", and the name "Vanitas"/"Vanitas of the Blue Moon" as a title in this analysis.

0. "Revenge" against the VotBM

Now, what kicked me into this train of thought initially was watching the scene where Vani announces his revenge plot to all during the Bal Masque. Ofc Bones is doing quite a good job with the anime (I can honestly forgive them for leaving out some scenes knowing budget constraints and that this was probably produced during COVID; it's just more reason to get viewers to read the manga) but there are still some subtle nuances that MochiJun puts in her work that don't get translated into the adaptation. So I revisited Memoire 7 and something just didn't sit right upon looking at that scene retrospectively – which I'll get to that in a bit – but first let me recap what is my interpretation of Vani's proclamation:

The origin story we were told at the start of the series illustrates that vampires are typically born under the Red Moon, except for the one born under the Blue Moon. VotBM, given the moniker "Vanitas of the Blue Moon" by others at the time, is said to have created the Book of Vanitas capable of manipulating the World Formulas in order to curse all the RM vampires that casted them out of vampire society. Cursing the RM vampires = turning them into curse-bearers inflicted with malnomen.

Vani's "revenge" against the VotBM is to use their name "Vanitas" and the Book to cure all RM vampires of their curses and malnomen. In that sense, Vani saving the vampires is directly opposing the vow to curse all RM vampires as told in the VotBM origin story.

Vani's revenge claim seems pretty straight forward. There is nothing of the sort as to claiming he will turn the vampires into humans, or rewrite their existence into something they are not, etc. It is literally just "I will heal you from your sickness out of spite towards the thing that wants you to suffer". His feral revenge proclamation on top of the chandelier lines up with his feral "I will save you no matter what, using whatever method I choose" at the end of Memoire 1 as Noé points out:

So here's the thing that felt a little out of place upon my rereading of Memoire 7:

This panel. Idk about you but as a long time reader of Pandora Hearts, imo one thing that makes MochiJun such a talented artist and great storyteller of plot twists and angst is how she depicts emotions in facial expressions – it is very subtle with a certain finesse. With the above panel, Vani's expression doesn't necessarily look like "anger" or "vengeance" to me. Rather (and it took me a while to place it actually, flipping back and forth between newer and older chapters) his expression looks... melancholic? Melancholy with sense of conviction.

It's noteworthy that MochiJun has made an intentional choice to emphasize Vani gripping his closed fist and his distant stare here, so it has to be important. So, what could Vani be thinking of in this moment? And why?

I. Vani's hidden expressions and feelings towards Luna

To (attempt to) figure out what might be going through Vani's mind in this moment, let's take a look at some moments we've seen Vani making different expressions and when he's thinking back to the VotBM – or really, his time with Luna. Vani claims he hates vampires, but there are obvious exceptions (Jeanne, Noé). What's interesting though is that, despite claiming to hate the VotBM, I don't think he hates Luna. He may hate the being that Luna is but I don't think he hates Luna as a person.

We can see the difference between his hatred and active desire to kill Moreau, as well as his completely blank, no-remorse kinda expression toward the Chasseur's cross in the Catacombes arc vs the above panel after his revenge proclamation:

Also contrast the above chandelier expression to Vani's empty look of distain in Dante's flashback when they first meet:

I would say none of these Vani expressions look very similar to the chandelier one — the empty or blank stares are missing a sense of resolve and the teeth-gritting smirk lacks any bit of sadness felt in the scene. Now, when do we ever see Vani make another expression of what I would call melancholy?

Ughghgh these panels break my heart every time bc there is such a sense of sadness, it's distant but palpable and it is t r a g i c... but I digress.

We have no way of knowing what Vani is thinking in these panels but I have a few ideas:

Vani thinks back to something Luna said about how one should use the Book of Vanitas when Noé says using the Book's power to cure curse-bearers is "overwhelmingly right". What Luna said? Who knows, but it may be along the same lines of "despite its power" and "doing the right thing".

Vani realizes the reason Misha wants Noé to drink his blood is bc Misha doesn't remember what happened That Day. He repeats "... I see." twice as if he's reaffirming to himself that he's the only one left that remembers what happened. If Misha did remember, there would be another person to share the memory but Misha doesn't and Vani is alone in the world in that sense.

If we are to assume that this is what's going through Vani's mind in these moments, then we have to ask why? Vani thinking back to his time with Misha and Luna elicits this sadness (possibly likely?) bc Vani did truly enjoy his time with them and didn't actually hate Luna. In his own flashbacks of Luna teaching he and Misha about malnomen (first being Malnomen Prèdateur in the Catacombes arc, second of Chloé's Malnomen Millie) and the flashback of "love" during the Gevaudan Arc, we see that Vani may be grumpy or indifferent while being with Luna, but he is still attentively listening and comfortable enough around them for them to hug him:

Ofc, we can't forget that Vani, in his fever and poison-induced delirium, even mumbles to himself ".. didn't actually hate... I didn't... Lou..—" while recovering in the cabin with Jeanne. Given that just before this he asks "Is that what you really want? Truly?" in response to Jeanne saying "This time for sure, I'll kill the beast", perhaps we can even posit that Vani didn't actually hate Luna and didn't actually want to kill them? (I have another theory on what could have happened on That Day but let's get through this one first *wheeze*).

So let's summarize:

Vani claims he will cure RM vampires of their malnomen as revenge toward the VotBM, who is said to have created the Book of Vanitas to curse RM vampires that made them an outcast.

Curing RM vampires of malnomen = revenge since it is directly opposing using the Book to inflict curses

But Vani shows a look of sadness mixed with conviction that contradicts what would be thought of when claiming "revenge", which could possibly be him thinking back to his time with Luna, whom he did not actually hate and possibly did not want to kill but had to anyway.

So here's my theory: the reason why Vani has assumed the name "Vanitas" and is on a quest to cure RM vampires of their malnomen with the Book of Vanitas is to "rewrite" the reputation behind the name Vanitas of the Blue Moon.

... And I will continue explaining this in the reblogs ⤵️⤵️⤵️ bc holy fuck this meta is so long I have reached the image limit per post asjfklgs

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

don’t you know that the kids aren’t alright

A/N: this is my first prompt fill for the @badthingshappenbingo! And not only that, but it is my first non-Sanders Sides fic in a long time! Some of you may not know this, but I am a huge Star Wars nerd, and I really adore Star Wars: Rebels. I also really adore the dynamic between Ezra and Sabine, and while this fic in particular is platonic/familial ezrabine, but it could be romantic if you squint! Also, this fic is a slight scene rewrite of “Always Two There Are” bc my thought whenever watching scenes with characters in peril is “oh they could have done this SO much more angstier”

Prompt Used: “Choking”

Warnings: interrogation, violence, death mention (no one actually dies though), choking 

-

Ezra stubbornly stared down the Seventh Sister. Her red blade hovered close to his throat, but he refused to tell her anything. How did the Inquisitors even know about Ahsoka?! As far as Ezra and the other rebels knew, the Empire shouldn’t have been aware of her- but that clearly was no longer the case.

“What has the boy revealed?” a voice asked. Ezra’s gaze shot over to see the Fifth Brother, with Sabine in tow. He shoved her forward, and she fell to her hands and knees beside Ezra.

“Nothing I wish to share. Contact your friends and bring them here, that’s all I ask,” the Seventh Sister demanded. 

“Let me think about that… ah- no,” Ezra replied, pretending to ponder his answer before glaring at the Seventh Sister.

“Contact your friends,” the Seventh Sister repeated evenly, leveling her lightsaber at him. Ezra grit his teeth in frustration.

“I’m not talking to you right now. Sabine, where’s Zeb?” Ezra asked, turning to her with a questioning look.

“We tried to fight, but Zeb never had a chance,” she replied, regret crossing her features. Ezra’s stomach dropped.

“What are you saying?” he asked, refusing to accept what Sabine was implying.

“Your friend is dead,” the Seventh Sister said with a soft, yet morbid sense of glee. Ezra’s eyes widened, and he would have leapt to his feet if not for the Seventh’s Sister’s lightsaber still being held threateningly towards him.

“No! He can’t be- you’re lying! Sabine, she’s gotta be lying!” he cried out, looking to Sabine again. She only frowned, shaking her head sadly.

“I don’t know, Ezra,” she replied, her shaking voice just barely a whisper.

“He’s dead, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Now for the last time- contact your friends!” she demanded, shifting her lightsaber away from Ezra to instead reach out towards him with the Force once more. Ezra grit his teeth, trying to block out the tendrils of the Force trying to latch into his mind.

“No,” he groaned out, glaring at the Seventh Sister. Her mouth set in a firm line as she pushed harder with the Force. Ezra let out a pained groan as he writhed against her attempt to control him, refusing to let her in.

“Augh! Enough of this,” she muttered, dropping her hand. Ezra let out a shuddering breath, slumping against the control panel slightly. Sabine looked at him with concern, looking like she wanted to do nothing more than reach out and comfort him, but didn’t want to risk agitating the Inquisitors. The Seventh Sister seemed to notice Sabine’s impulse to rush to Ezra’s aid, and a cruel smirk curled her lips. She turned to the Fifth Brother, giving him a curt nod. A malicious grin split his face, and Sabine was suddenly pulled up and away from Ezra. The Fifth Brother made a clenching motion with his hand, and a strangled gasp escaped Sabine as her hands leapt to her throat, trying to pry away hands that weren’t there.

“Sabine!” Ezra cried out, eyes wide with horror as Sabine struggled in midair, choked-off sounds escaping her as she tried to breathe.

“Contact the rebels, or you will lose another one of your companions,” the Fifth Brother growled.

“Ezra…” Sabine managed to gasp out before the Fifth Brother clenched his hand tighter. Ezra couldn’t tell if Sabine had been pleading with him to help her, or to call their friends, and he found himself more or less paralyzed with fear. If he did nothing, Sabine would die. If he called Kanan or Hera for help, so many more would die. Luckily, Ezra didn’t have to make a choice, as his comlink suddenly beeped.

“Hello, Spectre 6. Come in. Do you read? This is Commander Mayloorun,” Zeb’s voice came, and Ezra barely managed to stifle his relief at hearing the Lasat’s voice. The Fifth Brother’s brow furrowed, and he let Sabine fall to the ground. She landed on her hands and knees, one hand massaging her throat slightly as she took in gasps of air.

“Answer him,” the Fifth Brother demanded, his hand still outstretched towards Sabine threateningly.

“Y-yes, Commander Mayloorun, I can hear you,” Ezra said, trying to keep his voice steady.

“You missed your check-in. Am I correct in assuming mechanical difficulties have got your craft stranded again and you are in need of help with repairs?” Zeb’s voice came. Ezra swallowed nervously, unsure of how to reply- or if he even should reply. The Fifth Brother seemed displeased with Ezra’s hesitation, as he ignited his lightsaber and pointed it at Sabine.

“Answer him,” the Seventh Sister encouraged, seeming like she was trying to suppress a smirk at Ezra and Sabine’s predicament. Ezra’s mouth twisted into a frown.

“I- I wouldn’t say we’re stranded again…” Ezra trailed off, trying to seem lighthearted. The Fifth Brother grit his teeth together, grabbed Sabine by her head and pulled her up to her feet. He moved his blade to hover near her throat, and Ezra internally cursed his moment of cockiness.

“But then again, maybe we could use some help. Bring Kanan and… better bring Ahsoka too,” Ezra continued, hoping his answer would satisfy the Inquisitors. Fortunately, they were, and the Fifth Brother sheathed his lightsaber, and shoved Sabine towards Ezra.

“Very well. Meet you in Bay 6. And don't worry, we'll fix everything. Just keep your chin up and it'll all be fine,” Zeb replied through the comlink. Ezra and Sabine exchanged nervous looks. Just what was Zeb planning?

-

As it turned out, Zeb’s plan worked out pretty well. After detaching the Phantom from the ceiling and scooping up Sabine and Ezra, they hightailed it out of the old medical station and back to the Ghost. They told Kanan the distressing news of not one, but two Inquisitors, and after that, it was reporting the events of the mission to Commander Sato.

Ezra wandered down the main corridor towards the cockpit on the Ghost. He stopped in front of Sabine’s door, and before he could decide against it, he walked in. He saw Sabine sitting on the seat below her bunk, hands idly fiddling with a near-empty can of spray paint. Ezra grimaced when he noticed the faint bruising around her neck, but shook it off and tried for his usual lopsided grin.

“You’re gonna spray that thing in your face if you aren’t careful,” he teased, relieved when it got a light laugh out of Sabine.

“Might spray it in your face if you aren’t careful,” she teased back with a smile- but her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. Ezra frowned, unsure if he should get closer to her or just leave Sabine alone.

“Are you okay?” he blurted, seemingly against his will. Sabine hesitated, one hand absentmindedly going to her throat. She dropped the hand as soon as she had brought it up, letting out a sigh.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Sabine said, her eyes meeting Ezra’s. Ezra squeezed his eyes shut, letting out a shaky sigh before opening them again, refusing to meet Sabine’s gaze.

“How is it not my fault?! The Inquisitors are after me, and Kanan- and Ahsoka too! And they hurt you to try and get to me- if Zeb hadn’t called… I don’t know what I would have done,” Ezra rambled, voice strained.

“You’re just a kid, Ez. You shouldn’t have to be put in situations like that,” Sabine replied softly.

“You’re not that much older than me,” Ezra pointed out. In any other situation, the phrase would have sounded indignant coming from Ezra. But in this case? He was the most solemn he had ever been. They were both kids, really. Kids hopelessly intertwined in a galaxy-wide war.

“I guess you have a point- but I’m not gonna stop fighting the Empire,” Sabine said firmly, her gaze almost challenging Ezra to doubt her.

“Didn’t say you had to. And I don’t plan on stopping either,” Ezra replied defiantly. Sabine chuckled, shaking her head fondly.

“I’ve never really thought about how crazy this all really is,” Sabine huffed out with a sigh.

“Yeah… but hey, at least we’ve got each other, right?” Ezra asked, looking to Sabine semi-sheepishly. She set down the spray paint, then got up and walked over to Ezra so that she could ruffle his hair fondly.

“Of course, Ez- I’ll always fight for you, and I know you’ve got my back too. That’s how family works.”

[quantumghoul]

i wrote this a while ago, a rewrite of fox’s last interaction with father but didn’t post it bc institute fans used to be fuckin’ nuts. i’m sure they still are but the demons have returned to hell from where they came.

fox hates their monstrous son who deserves to be dying

warnings for misgendering, deadnaming, and mentions of dubious consent also idk if you find this child abuse bc they fuck him up a bit? he’s a 60 year old awful man but okay

“So, have you come to gloat?”

There he stood. He was waiting for them. Waiting to give them one last lecture, obviously. Most of his weight shifted on a cane, he still managed to shove his awful little finger in their face, and raise his awful voice to them. “Do you enjoy this? Ruining my life’s work? I gave you chance after chance. Despite your ties with the railroad. Your obvious activities to disrupt my work and the work of those here. I ignored it all, I gave you a position those here would die for. To lead the Institute into a better tomorrow. And this is how you repay me? I’m your son.”

There’s that famed guilt, it must be in the Houndstooth blood. He didn’t even have the blood. 'I don’t owe you anything.’ It’s what Fox wanted to say, it stained the back of their throat. They noticed Pat-- the Synth, watching them from the corner. As always. Diligent. It stayed in their throat. “I’m here to give you one last chance to actually help someone. I need your terminal, evacuation for the populous and deactivation codes for the synths. No one needs to die further.”

“No one needs to die further? You’re dooming it’s last, best, hope for humanity, right here, right now. Destroying the Institute-- there will never be anyone better than us. You think that those simpletons on the surface will ever come close to what we’ve accomplished? You decide to destroy everything because what, what reason? The synths. Those railroad people really did poison you, thinking they had any value to be saved. You are the one killing people right now. I have no reason to help you. To think such a thing.”

“Shaun, enough. Just give me access to the terminal, and the codes.” Why was their voice so quiet. They were shrinking. Into a corner. Just like with their father. He sounded so much like him, all the time. He’d be so proud. Eck.

“I gave you everything.” He motioned to the synth in the corner. Like he was an object. With Pat’s face and the implication, it all but made Fox’s stomach turn. “We could have been a family, we could have another chance. You stupid, selfish woman!”

That was enough. That broke what small self restraint that’d kept chained down. “Did you ever think to ask what I wanted?” They grabbed him by the front of his shirt and hoisted him right off his feet and into the air. He dangled, weak, frail body gasping and flailing his cane. Didn’t dare hit them. They’d hurt him worse for it. They pointed to the corner, to the synth. “Do you think I wanted this? Did he want this?! You didn’t ask us, either of us. We’re both just OBJECTS to you? Do you think I wanted some fucked up child version of you?

Pat stepped forward, hands raised. “Henrietta, I must advise against that. I am instructed that while your safety is of the most importance, prime directive refuses to let Father be hurt. I will have to hurt you.” There was hesitance as they pointed their claws at him.

“You, shut the fuck up. I don’t want to hear you speak. I never want to hear you speak again. And you--” They gave Shaun a hard shake. “You don’t know anything. About me. You don’t care about me, I’m an experiment to you that you can’t even dare respect the identity of. I am doing what I am doing because no one has given me any choice, no one cares what I think or what I want to do. Not you, not the railroad, but at least in the wastes, I found something worth while.” 

They slammed him down against his desk, rattling and knocking everything off. Shoving him to the terminal. “I have given you enough chances. Enter the code, or I will have to try and make you. You’re weak, you’re old, you’re dying, and I’m not afraid of you. But I think I can make you afraid of me.”

“No.” They slammed his forehead against the pristine white surface. Blood splotching. And again. “They never will learn a better way of dealing with things on the surface, hmm? Not without us.”

Yet another crack to his skull. Going for the head when you needed someone to work a computer isn’t the best idea, but then again, Fox didn’t have the highest intelligence. Not as much as mister ego here. “You act like I’m dooming the surface to live in utter squalor, like they haven’t gotten along without you. Since when do you give a shit about the surface for anything other than your personal petri dish. Enough excuses. Do you care so little for your own people, or are you going to be so much like me to let them die out of spite?”

“I am already dying, as you pointed out, and I am sure you killed many of them. Why help furthering the destruction and stolen property. Not much logic with those muscles.”

Another crack against the desk.

“Fine-- fine. Enough. I will.” That seemed just as persuasive as whatever they might have said. He didn’t seem to have much tolerance for pain. Probably didn’t even know what a bullet wound felt like. (There was a creeping feeling in their gut, curling around their spine, reminding them to care, to feel, to-- something over him, that they should feel bad, but they ignored it.)

They kept a strong hand on his back, pressure keeping him down. The other hand with deathclaw gauntlet ready to tear through flesh, Pat still off in the corner of their eye. His hands slowly found their way to the keyboard, beginning to unlock the damn computer and go about doing what Fox had ordered him. Typing surprisingly slow. Clearly reluctant.

They scowled, muttering to themselves. Also him. 

He clicked his tongue. “Resorting to violence. The wastes truly did infect you.”

“Are you still-- are you still like this? Do you have to die on your high horse?”

“I am simply stating a fact. Let this old man have one last review of his experiment then. Since I am not your son.”

Teeth gritted. He had to salt the wound to the very end. “Fine, you want to be my son so bad? How about a bed time story, something to put you to sleep. And! It’s informative and helpful to you. I can tell you’re a boy who doesn’t like fiction. The story of sad little Henri Jones Houndstooth. Someone who had never been taught to say no. That poor... poor child.

“Her parents told her she was a girl, and she said yes.

“Her parents told her she should go into medicine, and she said yes.

“Her father told her she was a disgrace and unladylike and ugly, and she said yes. Her mother said she should be grateful they bothered to keep her, and she said yes.

“When asked if she liked men, she said yes.

“When he asked her to marry him, she said yes.

“She wasn’t very happy, mind you, through all her life. But. She thought. Perhaps she was the one at fault. Everyone else was always so happy, everyone else was always right. She was wrong, you see, and if she stuck around... if she spent enough time with these pretenses. She’d he happy just like them.

“And when he wanted a child, well… she didn’t say yes, that was for sure. But it happened anyway, didn’t it. You’re here, aren’t you?”

He was deathly silent. Hands hovering above the keyboard as Fox crooned in his ear. “That is the end of Henri Jones, you see, as she died soon after that. She didn’t want to go in a vault, you see, the idea there was so... trapped. Stuck. She’d never escape. But she didn’t know the word no. Never no, always yes. Vault-tec surely didn’t know the meaning of no, so it all worked out.”

“What a cruel person you are,” he turned his head slightly, eyes down to the floor. Not at them.

“You had to inherit it from somewhere.”