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anfeycare · 8 months ago

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hello! welcome to my blog!

💙 support my projects on Ko-fi or Patreon!

💙 send things or see more info here!

✨🌹🌻 [coming soon] 🌼🌷✨

💙 my art tag here is "#anfey care"!

💙 other links: ✨ here ✨

MY MOST IMPORTANT RAMBLINGS

🖤 i don't believe in concepts like "ugly" and "dumb"

🖤 i'm against generative A.I.s and N.F.T.s

🖤 i don't allow reuploads, only reblogs of my posts

i'm Anfey Care, a queer non-binary artist and writer! i go by gender neutral words only (as for pronouns: "they/them" — "ê/elu/-e" in portuguese)

i enjoy art and science. i'm a fan of lots of things, specially Undertale, Dead Plate, Married in Red, Cold Front, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Omori, and Adventure Time! i'm brazilian, too. you're welcome to follow me if you enjoy:

art, pixel art, animation;

books, comics, mangas;

cuteness, horror, comedy;

games, music;

indie, alternative things;

queer, LGBT+, gay stuff;

shows, cartoons, animes;

thought-provoking stuff;

nerdy things in general!

i'm fairly silly, quite gay, and very nerd!

nice to meet ya!

( ^ ꒳ ^ ) [cute face smiling*]

(*i can use text in brackets like this to describe text emojis for screen readers; similarly, i can use text in brackets preceded by a slash as tone indicators, such as: [/silly] )

🐾 ooo, look! you found a boop post! 🐾

💙✨ about me: ✨

besides being a silly gay queer nerd artist and writer, i'm atypical, a furry, a fan-enby of a bunch of characters, an adult and a game dev. i'm an introverted, shy, and asocial person. somewhat antisocial too; sometimes i can be completely silent and spend weeks alone when too overwhelmed from socialization. (i'm INFP and pisces, but i don't take these seriously, although i can relate at times)

i'm completely atheist. i don't mind religion, even if i might take it as stories and thoughts, but i just don't mind as long as it isn't fanatic christian stuff — i was raised around these people and it got me very tired of those things.

i graduated on a game development technical course i took along with high school (public education, got in through an entrance exam, got in first place on the classification list), and i'm often studying things on my own, like languages. i draw, design, paint, conceptualize, illustrate, make pixel art, research, edit, write, and can animate and code too — sometimes i also try music, acting, photography, and cosplay. i'm still working on being an indie game dev; for now, i'm mainly an artist and writer

as for how i identify as LGBT+, i'm queer as in all pan a-spec atractions-wise. gender-wise, i identify as pangender, which in my case includes agender; i'm transneutral and non-binary (and — it's obvious but just to mention — gender non-conforming). i usually put it all in short by just saying i'm a queer enby, or a pan a-spec enby, but i don't shy away from just saying i'm gay (as in i'm definitely not straight)

as an enby, i'm also dionysian (more often known as diamoric), and any kind of relationship with me would be called this — 'cause they'd have an enby (me) in them. you could call me almost anything from the LGBTQ+ definitions and that'd still be almost fitting, but if you were to call me something accurately fitting, that's queer, pan a-spec, diamoric/dionysian and enby, heheh

i could be considered legally blind, as i can't see anything a few inches away from my face without glasses (8 degrees in each lens, but i've been needing a new prescription for some years... couldn't afford it yet). i suspect i might be neurodivergent (ADHD, ASPD and autistic, mainly), and i have lots of symptoms of depression, anxiety and C-PTSD, but also can't afford to look into those. (funny fact: i managed to get in a psychology college earlier in 2024, and for a good while was studying psychology there before even being able to go see a psychologist-) (i still do deep researches about those topics of mental health)

from the way i understand relationships and concepts related to it and to living in society — understandings that have some connections to my pan a-spec (includes asocial) pangender agender way of being —, i'm also non-monogamous in attractions and beliefs. i could be either in a monogamous or non-monogamous relationships romantically, though. i'd do fine in any, i can adapt quite well to who i love and/or like and care about! it could even be an undefined relationship — it all would be up to who i'd be with. (i'd develop an attachment, and even a hyperfixation on them, too, which would make it even easier for me to adapt,,, anyways-)

i know spanish and french, besides portuguese and english. i don't have a lot of practice with those other two languages, but i can understand them well (speaking portuguese helps, heh). i still want to learn more languages — for now, i'm also studying japanese, LIBRAS and ASL from time to time

i aim for diversity, inclusion and equity, specially for my games. that's a reason why i study a lot, and that's also why i want to make most of my creations available for free. and that's why i encourage you to give me support if you want, as it helps it all to be free of charge, and can give you a custom art or some cool extra things for a low tip!

i'm interested in:

Undertale;

Rot in Paradise;

Dead Plate;

Married in Red;

Elevator Hitch;

Cold Front;

Bittersweet Sentence;

Eloquent Countenance;

The Picture of Dorian Gray;

The Owl House;

Omori;

Revolutionary Girl Utena;

Deltarune;

Dracula;

Adventure Time;

She-ra and the Princesses of Power;

KinitoPET;

My Little Pony;

Sonic;

Don't Hug Me I'm Scared;

Welcome Home;

Puella Magi Madoka Magica;

Studio Investigrave in general;

and the Daycare attendant from FNAF

i also like to roleplay/perform as characters at times, and used to play D&D, besides liking the RPG genre in videogames itself

as you see, i'm all over the place — i'm not completely organized, and i allow myself to let some things be messy (like tags); it's what works best for me, as far as i noticed

i like lots of things! and, though i enjoy horror, i don't make much art of this kind. plus, i create original stories, art, and characters of my own, like Safey — they're my mascot persona, and they're the fox creature on the pixel art by the start of this blog post. i have a bunch of projects i develop on my own, including ideas of comics and games! and sometimes i write poems, generally in portuguese, but i mix languages and write in english at times

i usually make cute things! whenever i happen to make something scary or with sensitive topics, i let it with the warnings i think it needs. personally, i'm positive about NSFW topics, specially sexual-related ones, in regular conditions. however, i very rarely allude to NSFW — if anything, it can be there as subtext, if i ever even include anything like that at all. to my mind, these are not NSFW, but either way: i do enjoy artistic nude art, i do like philosophically/sociologically/literarily analytical thoughts and texts that could be about/related to sexual topics, and i also do like (well, you know) horror. i take a different approach on my own art that's around these, but you can avoid it if i ever make it due to the warnings, and i hope you will use the warnings' opportunity to avoid it if you're sensitive or just don't want to see it.

overall, specially for other people like me, i want my space to be a safe space

Undertale, Dead Plate, and Married in Red are my most favorite pieces of media, so i'm drawn towards them most of the time. for the characters in those respectively, Flowey and Sans, Vincent, and Bok-su are my favorites (i know, they're the popular ones... sorry, heh, i genuinely love them)

nice to meet you, and i hope you will like what i create!

thanks for reading!

see ya! ( ^ ꒳ ^ ) [cute face smiling]

#blog intro #introduction #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr #indie #queer #enby

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mydemonsdrivealimo · 2 years ago

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What I'm Becoming

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x M!MC (Jensen Valentine)

Rating: T

Warnings: in-depth talk about contamination obsessions/compulsions, therapy, medication, and depression

Word Count: 3681

Summary: The year after book three, Jensen's taken over the diagnostics team. For a few months, things were great. Work was great, his friends were great, things with Bryce were great. That is, until he gets a particular piece of news from his therapist that has him disrupting all his routines, making poor decisions for his health, and starting a slow downward spiral into a pit he has visited one too many times. It clouds his vision more than he's willing to admit, but, maybe, with the help of his loved ones, he can make it back through.

A/N: prefacing by saying that i know the therapy session is not accurate, nor are some of kolleen's behaviors/methods professional or safe; i do not give a shit. i just needed it to progress the plot, accurate or not. also, i know this is a long read, and thank you to anyone who even opens it. i know this is not everyones cup of tea with how much this focuses on jensens ocd, but im very appreciative to any of you who have an interest

title is inspired by "what im becoming" by cage the elephant, so def give that a listen before, during, or after the fic (only if you want ofc)

while i had the idea sitting for a while, thanks go to this ask for making me get off my ass and finish it

~~~

Kolleen was talking, blabbing on about something they were discussing a moment ago but he had lost all interest. He was timing his breaths to every other tick of the clock, thumbs alternatingly tapping on each thigh until they felt even. Teeth clenched tightly, he tried to muscle through the crawling feeling working up his back and far enough that he could feel it in his gums. The room was practically silent other than their chatter yet somehow still too much. He tried taking a drink from his water bottle, the ice cold water grounding him enough to pull him back into the conversation.

She noticed, of course, stopping what she was saying and giving him an up-and-down appraisal.

“What is it?” she asked, knowing how much he hated the niceties and getting straight to the point.

He shrugged, pushing his hands into his pockets, then back in his lap, then crossed over his chest to avoid touching the couch. By now, she knew his “I don’t know” shrug meant he didn’t know why everything felt off, not that he didn’t know what felt off in the first place. He was perpetually overstimulated, OCD holding on with a tight grip to all his thoughts and actions, and intrusive thoughts making the worst of appearances. Shocker, he could diagnose the problems just fine, but there wasn’t a cure.

It was never as serious as the bullshit Travis pulled; it never would be. Sure, death wasn’t looming over him, but sometimes it felt scarily enticing. It’d be so much easier if he didn’t have to worry about it at all, didn’t have to spend his only day off in a little office that made him want to vomit. There was never a way for him to just “get better.” He was stuck like this—with this—for the rest of his life, and sometimes that seemed too long.

He had been doing so good. Not perfect by any means, but better than normal. It probably helped that he was taking his meds consistently, but the second she broke the news last session he couldn't bring himself to take them at all.

The last time he was here they talked about alternatives, other methods and mechanisms to try and relieve some of the stress and pressure while he went through the process of switching to the new prescription she had to put him on. They even talked about how cathartic crying could be and almost, just for a second, he started to laugh. He should probably be concerned that it had been over a decade since he shed a tear, remembering the numbness during the trials, the funeral, and his own near-death, but couldn’t bring himself to. Whether it was just an inability or his own subconscious refusal was none of his business.

Kolleen had gotten up to collect a pamphlet and a stapled packet of papers from her desk, offering them to him before sitting once again. They were all informational pieces for a range of new antidepressants, from Anafranil to Paxil.

“Usually I’d just pick one myself, but, given your position, I assumed you’d want to take a look through the options.”

He scanned over the papers, reading the bolded headers and at least flipping the pamphlet over.

“Do you want an answer right now?” he asked, knowing he didn’t have the energy to read through any of them.

“No, of course not. Just try to have an idea by next week, or I can just prescribe what I think would work best.”

He nodded at that, folding up the papers and tucking them in the inside pocket of his jacket. They sat in silence for another minute before she let out a small sigh.

“How would you say the withdrawal has been?”

He knew it would have to come up eventually. He was a medical professional himself, for fucks sake—he knew damn well going cold turkey was not the way to come off of them. All things considered, it wasn’t as bad as it could be, only mild nausea here and there and depression manageable so far (if you could count collapsing into bed after every shift as “manageable”).

“Average.” She gave him a look, and he shot it right back. “It’s not severe but it’s not too mild; just sporadic nausea and the expected depression.”

She accepted that after a moment, nodding and jotting something down. “If there is a next time,” she looked up, “I’d appreciate a call or text before you stop taking them.”

“I know,” he replied, unable to feel anything other than guilty. “I didn’t really try to. I just didn’t take the first one…and then the first turned into the next six.”

She nodded understandingly, asking, “Did you think about it again when the symptoms started?”

He only shook his head, watching her, expectedly, writing something down. He took the moment to check the clock, an involuntary, impatient sort of sigh falling from his lips when he saw that they still had a whole twenty minutes left. Yes, he made the appointment, but, fuck, sometimes they could last forever. She had made the recommendation that they start meeting every week during this transition period, and it was making him hate every bit of it even more.

“Have you gotten out at all? With your roommates or Bryce?”

Again, he shook his head, hopelessly adjusting to try and find some comfortable position while touching the least amount of the couch he could. At most, he said hello to the roomies on his way to his room, and at least waved to Bryce a few times in the halls of Edenbrook.

“How about your hobbies? Have you done any cooking, music?”

And this is always where the depression hit him the hardest. He couldn’t remember the last time he took his AirPods out of the case, not opening Spotify in at least a week and eating no more than an energy bar a day.

“Not really, no.”

She nodded understanding, scrawling something out before looking back up to him.

“That’s going to be your assignment, alright?” she said, point-blank. “Even if it’s just making toast, or listening to a song before bed.”

He nodded. That sounded easy enough. Hell, he didn’t even have to pay attention.

For the first time all meeting, he saw her gaze flick to her watch, taking a breath and clearly thinking over something. After a long minute, she turned to him again.

“Jensen, are you comfortable with me telling you something you don’t want to hear? Or would you rather I wait? I know you like to know our next topic in advance, but if it’s going to be a source of anxiety over the next week, I don’t want to add on more.”

He debated for a long minute. It couldn’t get much worse, but he also knew if she was giving him a heads up, it probably wasn’t great. She knew him well enough by now that he trusted that it was something bad, potentially bad enough to even cause another spiral.

It couldn’t be as bad as the first time, though, right? The first time when he got his heart broken and lost his only hobby—only point of happiness—all in a month. He barely even remembered the weeks following, lost somewhere between the time spent in bed and in appointments to figure out what the fuck was wrong with him while ignoring the emails from professors and notifications about missing assignments. It could never be that bad, right?

“Go ahead,” he said, maybe against his better judgment, but needing to know if he could handle it or not.

She gave him a beat to reconsider. Reluctantly, she started with, “If the new medication doesn’t work how we plan, and your symptoms don’t improve…” She paused, letting out a sigh and clearly debating on whether she should have even offered the chance or not. “…we’ll likely have to start exposure therapy.”

Nothing. Not a thought went through his brain for a whole minute, quieter than it had ever been.

When he finally came to, all he could do was give her one, short nod, looking anywhere but at her.

“Jensen?” she asked, shifting to the edge of her chair.

“I’m fine,” he interjected before she could go anywhere. “It’s just—again?”

He looked back up at her. Technically, he didn’t have to go, right? He didn’t have to do another three hours a week in a tiny room surrounded by the things that made him want to peel his skin off (and he meant that literally).

How much would it take for him to get fucking better?

He took a breath, knowing it was the lack of his meds talking. He tried to talk himself out of it, Kolleen giving him a long minute to try and sort it out himself. It took him a moment, but he managed to sort his thoughts for the minutes, breaking it up by things that were going to happen and things that only had a chance of happening.

“How are you doing?” she asked after a long beat.

He just nodded, taking another breath before answering, “Good. Fine. I’m okay with that.”

She gave him a small, proud grin, settling back in her chair.

It only took them a few moments to finish up after that, Jensen feeling much better and, frankly, pretty damn proud of himself.

Unfortunately, that high didn’t last as long as he hoped it would. He told himself one bus ride would be okay, he would only have to wash one hand. But, what if the seats were open? Wouldn’t it be weird that he was the only one standing? It was the late afternoon on a Tuesday and, though Boston’s public transit was usually bustling, there was too much of a chance that he’d have to sit down, mind already buzzing with the thought of dead skin cells and contaminants and—

His feet started retracting his steps before he could get any further, taking a sharp turn down the route to his apartment.

A long walk later, he took out his keys to the front door, unlocking it and shedding his jacket before he even got it closed again. He pulled the pamphlets from the pocket, tossing it up on one of the hooks and walking straight to his room.

It was dark when he entered; he hadn't bothered to open the curtains that morning. He quickly stripped off his pants next, not letting them touch the floor and tossing them into the hamper in the corner with the rest of his clothes that had been worn outside already. He threw his shirt after it, pulling on a pair of joggers and a hoodie that hadn’t left the house since they'd been washed last. Next, he grabbed the disinfectant spray from the top of his dresser, sending a puff of it over his phone before wiping it off with the designated cloth.

He tossed the papers from his dresser to his desk, not letting them come anywhere near his bed. He was about to sit himself down there before stopping, face feeling particularly oily and knowing his hair would be next to follow.

Instead of falling into bed like he planned, he walked across the hall to the bathroom, washing his hands before coming back to grab another new pair of clothes, and a new set of towels from the closet.

God, when did it get this bad?

He took a quick shower to wash off anything from the outside before collapsing into bed, throwing everything else into the hamper to worry about another day. He managed to grab his laptop from the floor before crawling under the blankets, feeling utterly clean for the first time all day. After turning on some documentary, he pulled the blanket up to his shoulder, letting the mental exhaustion settle in after having to navigate himself to Kolleen’s office, withstand an hour of conversation, then get himself all the way back home. Even thinking about it made him more tired, enough for sleep to take him out in less than twenty minutes.

Hours later, when his slumber came to an abrupt halt, his laptop was still playing through an endless cycle of documentaries, onto one he didn’t recognize by now. Light from the nightstand illuminated that side of the dark room, daylight replaced with a yellow sliver between the curtains from the street light outside. Numbly, he let his hand find its way out of the blanket, tilting the phone screen toward him. He watched it ring for another minute with Bryce’s name displayed on the screen, eventually swiping to decline and letting it thump back onto the nightstand.

As he pulled the blanket back over his shoulder, it buzzed again. Picking it up, the new message read, “totally spoiling the surprise but i brought you dinner and your front door is locked so,,”

“and don’t pretend you didnt ignore that call on purpose.”

He let out a short, soft sigh. The thought of prying himself out of the covers sounded completely exhausting, walking to the front door nearing on impossible. Faintly, and after pausing his laptop, he could hear Jackie’s voice from her room. He sent her a quick text to let Bryce in, sliding the phone back and pulling the blanket up again.

His eyes weren’t even focused on the screen by the time a blinding bright light spilled in from the hallway. After the room darkened again, there was some rustling and shuffling among Bryce’s greeting, the bed dipping down behind him as he kissed his shoulder then temple. Rubbing his eyes, he could only hope that he could pass it off as tiredness.

Somehow he managed to turn around, feeling a lot like jello or pudding or some other lifeless form of sludge. He let his arms wrap around Bryce, pulling him in for a sleepy sort of hug and burying his face into his neck. He, thankfully, smelled strongly of his stupidly expensive shampoo and soap, roots of his hair still wet from a shower. Bryce let out a content little hum, happily pressing a few kisses along his face before reaching over to click on the nightstand lamp.

“Do you want your dinner now, or wait a little bit?” he asked quietly, thumb gently grazing over his waist after he settled behind him contently.

He let out a feignedly-sleepy hum, letting his head fall back into Bryce’s chest. Even having to get a word out seemed like a herculean task.

Bryce pressed a few more kisses behind his ear and down his shoulder before squeezing him in tight. His hands mindlessly wandered up and down as he rested his chin on top of Jensen’s head.

Ah, shit. Jensen didn’t even know what he did to give it away, but Bryce being this snuggly and this quiet meant he figured that something was off.

Not saying anything at all was probably the way to go; it had worked all those years prior with his mom and other relationships.

In all honesty he didn’t exactly know when it started. He would have to use both hands to count the amount of events that could have triggered it, everything from childhood sickness, to moving to a new country, to the college mental breakdown he liked to describe as “minor.”

College was the first time he had gotten anywhere with his diagnosis, at least. The court-mandated sessions years prior were pretty much bullshit, just making sure he didn’t plan on murdering anybody but having nothing to do with his own wellbeing.

That was also the first time he had to sit through exposure therapy, hating every goddamn second of it but knowing it would be worth it in the end—because it would just be over with.

But things could never be that simple, could they?

At least, before all this, he could pretend it wasn’t happening. He had it down to an art form, masking all the racing thoughts and uncomfortable situations. Nobody had caught on for years, his mom never picking up a trace and past partners probably not giving enough of a shit to ask. It was easier like that—keeping people at a distance through easy conversation and practiced redirection—and he knew he was giving his friends the same treatment.

But then there was Bryce, always studying him a little too long and caring enough to make sure a round-table question got to him, too. The lingering gazes and smiles somehow managed to fall his way. They melted into something more sincere, more loving, than Jensen had ever seen him give someone else. Bryce’s unfazed, unbothered, completely overconfident attitude simmered down to something heartfelt and genuine for him.

And what the fuck was he doing to him? He never asked for this, never wanted whatever the fuck this was. Sure, Jensen skipped a few doses here and there, but nothing like this. Bryce wanted something—someone—fun and spontaneous, and, yeah, he said he fell somewhere along the way, fuck knows Jensen did too, but he never signed up for this. Nobody wants to deal with the self-sabotaging fool who decides to quit the only thing keeping him in one piece.

Jensen didn’t even notice Bryce had been talking to him, eyes unfocused and staring somewhere across the room, sickening guilt settling in the bottom of his stomach. He could feel Bryce’s hands warmly wrapped around him, coming undone as he leaned back and gently pulled him by the shoulder. Jensen finally managed to look up at him as he asked, “Jensen, what’s going through your head right now?”

He could only muster an, “I’m sorry,” instead of answering the question.

What kind of fucked up person could leave him in the dark like this? Jensen hadn’t told him anything, about not taking his meds, about the increased therapy sessions, about any of it. He was supposed to love him—he did—but did he even have the right to say that when there was so much he wasn’t saying?

Bryce gave him a confused little look, and Jensen should’ve started apologizing again. “Sorry for what?” he asked, still with a little smile on his lips.

Jensen managed to sit himself up, putting a little more space between them. He considered his words but wasn’t quite able to make eye contact when he finally got them out. “I’m not taking my meds.” That didn’t seem to clear up any of the confusion on Bryce’s face.

“Okay…?” he answered, clearly knowing that this was a much bigger deal to Jensen than it was to him.

“I have to change my prescription, and I stopped them too fast. I’ve been going to therapy every week now and I can’t even fucking ride the bus and now I might have to start exposure therapy again.”

Bryce considered for a long moment, giving him an understanding nod but still not wiping the confusion from his expression.

“Thank you for telling me,” he answered, but the tone of a question lingered on the end.

Jensen looked up at him for the first time since the start of the conversation. “I should have told you earlier,” he said defiantly, like he was saying exactly what Bryce was thinking.

Bryce only gave him a look. “No?” His hand moved to Jensen’s knee, thumbing over it while continuing, “If you weren’t ready to tell me, you didn’t owe me anything.”

“But I do,” he answered practically before Bryce could finish. “You should’ve been the first person to know. You’ve done so fucking much for me, and you shouldn’t have to deal with all of this shit; you’re already throwing away time you could be spending with friends to sit here and listen to me whine—”

“Hey,” Bryce interrupted with a soft tone, hooking his finger under Jensen’s chin and tilting his head up so their gazes matched. “Jensen, I’m not ‘throwing away’ anything because of you. I’m not obligated to be here, I’m here because I want to be. I’m here because I love you.”

And maybe Jensen didn’t deserve that much.

“…But what if you don’t love this version of me?”

Jensen had never seen Bryce’s face fall so fast. He was utterly still for all of a second, looking for something, anything, in Jensen’s eyes that said this was some sort of joke. He tried to start talking a few times, stopping over and over again before finally going with, “Jensen, I have loved every version of you since I met you, and I will love every version of you for the rest of my life.” He didn’t break eye contact the whole time. “I don’t care how bad things get. What matters is how I can help and if I can make any of this easier for you. Nobody could get through this without at least a hiccup, and you sure as hell aren’t magically going to go from point A to point B unscathed.”

Even though it took Jensen a long, endless moment to realize it, Bryce was right. He needed to get out of his own head for long enough to realize that, taking in and replaying every word until Bryce leaned towards him, Jensen nearly tackling him in a hug. Bryce held him, letting him crumble against his shoulder and squeezing as tight as he could. He easily hushed the apologies Jensen mumbled into him.

They stayed like that for longer than either of them would’ve imagined. Jensen felt like a wreck, both worse and better than before, but knowing he was safe enough in Bryce’s arms to let it all go for one breathable moment.

Bryce finally broke the silence, asking, “Would dinner help?”

Jensen let out a shaky breath and nodded. He sat up, stopping Bryce from getting off the bed with a hand on his waist. His other tucked under his jaw and around his neck, pulling their lips against one another in a sweet, slow kiss, all admiration, reverence, affection, and love underneath.

~~~

tagging: @choicesficwriterscreations @cariantha @ofmischiefandmedicine @jerzwriter

#jensen valentine #open heart mc #open heart #bryce lahela #bryce lahela × jensen valentine #open heart choices #choices open heart #bryce lahela x mc #open heart fanfiction #open heart fic

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yuemusings · 1 year ago

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DISTURBING THE READER

A Comparative Looks at Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke (LaRocca) & Where Are You, Dear Hear? (Enriquez, trans. McDowell)

*CONTENT WARNINGS*

General Disturbing content, mentions of death (including infants & animals), mentions of suicide/self-harm, abuse & manipulation, brief mention of homophobia, descriptions of GBH, implication of sexual assault/abuse, kink play

*SPOILERS FOR*

Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke (2021), The Dangers of Smoking in Bed (2009), Saw X (2023), Saw 3D (2010), Happy Death Day (2017), Scream (1996)

It’s hard to say what a ‘good’ disturbing horror is. Is it a story that terrifies you to the point of being unable to sleep? Or one that leaves you feeling disgusted and makes your stomach churn each time you just think about it? Or where you’re left almost in a paralysed state as you’ve been forced to think of a wider picture you don’t have the theological prescription to see? It’s hard to say what a disturbing horror even is because at its core isn’t all horror disturbing? Is Saw more disturbing than a psychological horror like Get Out because it features more gore? Or is Get Out more disturbing because it features more difficult political and social topics? That’s not what we’re discussing in this essay - although I eventually do want to. Here we are discussing the art of doing disturbing horror and more importantly doing it well. I’ll be looking at two short stories for this - Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke from Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke & Other Misfortunes by Eric LaRocca & Where Are You, Dear Heart? from The Dangers of Smoking in Bed by Marianna Enriquez, translated by Megan McDowell.

Subjectivity is the root of a majority of arguments as we’ll all possess differing subjective opinions (for example, there are people who believe the Child’s Play franchise isn’t a masterpiece of modern horror and my subject opinion is that objectively those people are wrong).

But with my discussion of these books I will be heavily relying on my own opinions & readings of the stories as well as looking at the reviews & content other people have made about the books.

So with no further ado, let’s get into it.

I’ve been internally debating horror that sets out to truly disturb since reading Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke And Other Misfortunes. From Waterstones, to the author’s website it’s boasted as a viral TikTok sensation across all of its marketing and that’s more than accurate. The hashtag of the book title has 8.2 million views and the GoodReads page has 42,755 ratings alongside 12,469 reviews.

However, the reason it’s so viral it seems is due to its divisive nature - many preaching the book as far too disturbing, and even relishing in its own disgusting nature. It currently sits at 3 stars on GoodReads.

LaRocca is a fairly new author - the earliest of his work I could find only dated back to 2021 - and is a Bram Stoker Award nominee as well as won a Splatterpunk Award - both for Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke. I couldn’t find much on LaRocca except for an interview where they describe their work as “the dark and the absurd filtered through a decidedly queer lens,” as well as citing somewhat controversial films “High Tension, Martyrs, Inside, and A Serbian Film.” as influences due to their “frenetic intensity.” He also cites in this interview and in an afterword of their anthology book that a lack of belief in God he desperately attempted to achieve as well as a desire to fit in with the children around them is a major inspiration and driving emotion behind their writing.

I’d like to preface that I wanted to like Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke. I’m a big fan of horror and even more of psychological horror. I went in anticipating perhaps a gory version of Hereditary - another story that relishes in its own shocking macabreness in a way - as both indicated itself as a subset of gothic literature as well as being gory. However, I found I just couldn’t. The first story to greet you at the start of this anthology is the titular (and most ‘popular’) story, Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke. It’s easy to see why these collections of short stories are named after this specific one as it’s easily the best. The other two stories - The Enchantment and You’ll Find It’s Like That All Over are in my opinion significantly weaker.

Described as a “macabre ballet between two lonely young women”, we follow the rise and horrific fall of an online relationship between two women in a chat room in the 2000’s.

Warnings for spoilers now.

In Things Have Gotten Worse, we’re introduced into this world via an Author’s note - it's not LaRocca speaking in this author’s note however, it’s an in world character who we never see who is reporting on “… the untimely demise of Agnes Petrella.” They assure us of their detachment of the two characters (“… no way affiliated with Zoe Cross’ legal counsel or Agnes Petrella’s surviving family.”) before informing us due to the police report nature of what we’re about to read, “… certain elements of [Zoe and Agnes’] communication have been redacted or censored…”

Off the bat, I really liked this formatting of this story being pulled from a police report. Whilst it was a bit confusing - I had to go back in the book to check if this was indeed an author’s note from LaRocca and if the story was true if so - it wasn’t. It helps to build on the fetish themes as we feel voyeuristic reading these women’s conversations - and every time we see an “[Omitted.]” it reminds us we shouldn’t be seeing this and builds upon the suspense as your mind races; what could possibly be censored in a chat log that already details a masturbation instruction and then a detailed recount of the horrific murder of an infant? A lot of the omitted make sense - like the domain of the emails/ chat rooms the couple use. Almost like the companies didn’t want to be associated with a murder or get involved with a law suit. The framing of the police report that also tells us in the first page that the main character will wind up dead by the end also helps add to that feeling of dread and voyeurism. With every page, you feel yourself walking down a hallway and know no matter how slow or fast you walk (slash read), there’s no way to save Agnes from her fate. It’s a cruel dramatic irony we can’t escape.

Speaking of…

Agnes is a woman on a queer chat forum who lists an antique apple peeler for sale - circa 1897 to be exact - in an eloquent prose that touches on how much the antique peeler means to her family.

This isn’t your regular Facebook marketplace listing. Agnes writes for nearly 3.5 pages about this apple peeler and its history with her Grandmother.

It catches the attention of Zoe Cross, who emails offering to purchase the peeler for her elderly Grandfather due to the possible link to composer Charles Ives. Her email similarly is lavish with familial detail and the two women continue to email, Zoe eventually learning Agnes is financially and physically cut off from her parents due to being a lesbian. Zoe sends Agnes a thousand dollars, taking care of her rent and asking her to keep the apple peeler and not to sell it as it’s her last familial connection. Quickly - quite quickly actually - the two women start instant messaging in a chat room.

About the IMing. Due to the fact this story is the book version of found footage we have no author based description - everything in the book is basically digital based dialogue. World building is hard, especially in such a short space of page without this narrative description, and LaRocca is skilled in giving us just enough to build the world in our head without overloading us with exposition or scene setting. However, I struggle to believe the setting of 2000 - despite the use of a chat room that evokes memories of AOL and MSN, the ‘dialogue’ feels like it was written in the 2020’s. It almost reminds me of the first Fear Street in that regard. I adore the Fear Street movies, but even I have to admit the first one - set in 1994 - doesn’t really feel like it’s set in ‘94. Speaking of, the dialogue is another point of contention. Some of the criticism Things Have Gotten Worse receives relates to the elaborate prose Zoe and Agnes uses - and how it can often be somewhat hard to differentiate between the two voices? In my scriptwriting class at uni, one of the things we were taught is to make sure when writing dialogue, the voices are distinct. Make sure two characters don’t speak too similarly - they need some kind of a unique voice even if they have the same accent as another character. The similar prose styles of Agnes and Zoe does lead to a bit of a difficult time reading - it can take a while to realise who’s speaking, especially with the IM chat logs and when a character sends multiple emails in a row.There’s a take you can stand with that the similar prose between the two suggests why they found each other and were attracted to each other, but I feel like that would be supported more if there was another characters speech we could compare that to - but with the nature of the story and formatting we don’t have that. Even the author’s note uses lavish language and it does still make for a little bit of having to go back and forth to realise who’s actually talking - or, well, typing.

Back in the world of the story, the two’s conversations eventually result in a discussion into some fetishes of Zoe’s. The two enter an online master/slave relationship - Zoe’s demands of Agnes leading to her losing her job and killing a salamander under Zoe’s request.

This escalation of Agnes and Zoe’s relationship and eventual dynamic does kind of come out of nowhere. It’s effective for horror, but outside of the shock value it’s not very effective from a plot point of view.

To her credit, this untimely unaliving of the amphibian does prompt Agnes to leave but she ends up returning to Zoe and the two resume their relationship and dynamic. Agnes’ insistence on wanting a baby leads Zoe to instruct her to purposely contract a tapeworm by eating days old meat. Agnes does indeed contract a tape worm, referring to it as Zoe’s baby and even going as far as to ascribe a gender and name to the parasite.

This part is a point of major criticism shared by people online. A disclaimer, I am not a lesbian myself and therefore cannot be the voice of knowledge on the topic. However, I did some research. I found an article from 2020 that stated lesbian & bisexual women in WLW relationships were more likely to report a pregnancy ending in stillbirth. Lesbian women were more likely to report low birth weight infants and bisexual and lesbian women were more likely to report very preterm births compared to heterosexual women. A lot of queer women in queer relationships struggle with pregnancy and childbirth and as such this plot point has been criticised as a ploy of using something WLW couples actually struggle with as a horror plot point - especially since LaRocca is not a queer women (although they are a queer person I’m not trying to negate their identity). This delves into a larger discussion on representation and who gets to tell certain stories.

When Zoe realises how rapidly Agnes’ physical & mental health is deteriorating, she ceases their master slave contract and cuts communication. Agnes spirals and when she passes the tapeworm she ends up seemingly ending her own life by cutting out her own eyes with the antique apple peeler.

It’s a lot.

Most of all, the narrative feels unnecessarily cruel. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by horror movie villains having clear motives even in the most ridiculous of movies (heck, John Kramer has four throughout the Saw franchise) but I don’t understand why Zoe is insistent on torturing Agnes. (I will note Zoe isn’t an explicit villain but she’s definitely the antagonist to Agnes’ protagonist) Again, the story is short and can only get so much across in its 120 pages but the only explanation resembling a reason for Zoe’s abuse of Agnes is that she’s a domme, but that kind of excuse leads to some uneasy generalisations around kink play and those who engage in it.

Another general criticism I have of the story - and this is an opinion quite a few agree with - when LaRocca’s work isn’t relishing in its own shocking macarbness, it’s kind of boring. Maybe I don’t have the attention span for it, but at certain points I was feeling myself uninterested in what I was reading. This happens less with Things Have Gotten Worse to be fair, but I did find especially in The Enchantment I wasn’t interested and was actively getting frustrated.

And another reason I was getting frustrated was because of my other major criticism - I don’t like any of the characters. I do think this may be on purpose - as implied by LaRocca’s tweet here - “I promise you—reading horror fiction with complex, vile, yes even “problematic” characters will not impact the integrity of your moral character. Not every character in a FICTIONAL book needs to reflect your ethics and values. I will die on this hill because I know I’m right.”.

And, it’s true. Not every character has to be morally good. There are plenty of characters that horror fans love despite their morally dubious or even outright heinous actions. For instance, murderous doll Chucky. Love of my life Amanda Young. John Kramer. There are also morally dubious protagonists in horror, Gale Weathers is seen as narcissistic and power hungry in the Scream franchise, in Happy Death Day, Tree is - for lack of a better word - an asshole to everyone around her at the start of the film. But, at least for myself, my dislike of the characters in LaRocca’s work doesn’t come from a moral high ground. I don’t know who to root for. I simply don’t like any of them. Like I said, this issue is less present in Things Have Gotten Worse but in the other two short stories I genuinely didn’t root for anyone. I didn’t have a reason to. I didn’t have a reason to keep myself engaged in the world of these stories. There’s a reason slashers that set up 2 dimensional meatbags as their only ‘characters’ generally are critiqued and seen as ‘bad.’ If we’re given nothing to root for or relate to, what’s the point? In Scream, heralded as one of the greatest horror movies of all time, nearly every kill we get a chance to get to know the victim that dies and like them - and that’s not even mentioning Sidney who’s one of the best final girls of all time. If we’re not given anything to like or find interesting, what’s the point of the story? What’s the point of us as viewers/readers spending time in this world?

Take, for example, Saw 3D vs Saw X.

I promise I’ll stop mentioning Saw. Actually I can’t promise that.

In Saw X we’re mainly following John Kramer getting revenge on some people who scammed him by promising to cure his cancer. That’s not a spoiler, it was in the trailer. Despite being a morally horrific character, the film is garnering great reviews and people are willing to follow him in the story because we enjoy being around him.

Whilst in Saw 3D, that guy who lies about being in a Saw trap? Fuck that guy. Even though as a dislikeable character we see him getting tortured, we don’t enjoy seeing him getting tortured ‘cause there’s nothing there for us. What’s the point? Maybe this is because LaRocca cites A Serbian Film as an inspiration which is a red flag unto itself. A Serbian Film is once again mindless torture without the plot or any semblance of humanity within the filmmaking.

So, overall, do I hate this book? No. I think it’s an okay/good book depending on how much you agree with what I’ve mentioned. I don’t think it’s a bad book and maybe with a couple more revisions it could’ve been really great. I feel like LaRocca was maybe trying to evoke the delicate torment Black Swan evoked - “a macabre ballet” - but ultimately I feel it’s more aligned to a reddit horror story in its current state.

So can a disturbing horror short story be great?

The Dangers of Smoking in Bed - originally published in Spanish under the title Los Peligros de Fumar en la Cama - is a book I couldn’t help but keep thinking about when reading Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke and Other Misfortunes. Similarly to the latter mentioned book, The Dangers of Smoking in Bed is an anthology series composed of several short stories under the genre of psychological & supernatural horror.

Mariana Enriquez is an Argentinian author/journalist. The history and politics of Argentina are easy to see in her writing - especially in several short stories that feature ghostly children and children who return following disappearances. Being born in 1973, Enriquez was young but grew up in the time when “military officials carried out the systematic theft of babies from political dissidents who were detained or often executed and disposed of without a trace.” She describes herself as not “want[ing] to be complicit in any kind of silence; to be timid about horrifying things is dangerous too.” What she knows and what she believes is present in her work. Curiously, she also seems to pride herself in research - asking for clarification and feedback on any male love making scenes from her gay friends. I’d describe Enriquez work as horror that can sicken people that also has a delicateness and preciseness to it - everything is planned.

A story that is reminiscent of the themes of Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke is the 7th short story in The Dangers of Smoking in Bed; Where Are You, Dear Heart? We follow an unnamed woman who details over only 10 pages her journey with cardiophilia - or a fetish for heartbeats.

Okay, so let’s acknowledge the significant differences between these stories; Things Have Gotten Worse has 121 pages whilst Where Are You, Dear Heart? only has 10 - which fun fact puts Where Are You, Dear Heart? officially in the short story region whilst Things Have Gotten Worse is in the novella territory. Things Have Gotten Worse follows a queer couple whilst the woman’s two partners in Where Are You, Dear Heart? are male. Where Are You, Dear Heart? takes place around the 70’s/80’s but it’s not explicitly made clear and is a more conventional narrative experience compared to the chat logs/emails of Things Have Gotten Worse.

So, why am I comparing these two? I think there’s enough similarities to warrant such. Hear me out! Both books focus on unconventional fetishes - yes cardiophilia is quite unconventional but also the length Zoe wants to control Agnes’ life & actions down to forcing Agnes to kill a small creature for Zoe is a bit more than your typical fetish. Both use this fetishistic relationship as a way to examine our character.

The story opens with a woman detailing seeing an older relative of her friend’s (supposedly the friend’s Dad) penis when she’s a young child as well as very briefly touching on the fact he potentially/more than likely sexually abused her.

I really chose a safe first topic, huh?

Right off the bat with Where are You, Dear Heart? we’re dealing with similarly upsetting themes of someone being taken advantage of. There’s more to be said on that but I’ll touch on that when we get to it. Off the bat Mariana grabs our attention - especially as the narrative voice or narrator - speaks about these incidents so nonchalantly. Similarly to how some victims can end up with amnesia after suffering abuse.

One of the few things our narrator remembers from this man isn’t his name or even his face. It’s the fact he died due to a failed heart operation. That night she scratches an X onto her chest with her nail. She continues to detail that she became attached to a sickly Helen Burns from the novel Jane Eyre - becoming attached because Helen is dying - even going as far as to view the scene where Jane sleeps in Helen’s bed on her last day alive as a love scene (That imagery will return later). She goes on to explore what arouses her even further - as many teenagers going through puberty do - and visits a friend’s brother when she learns he has an inoperable tumour between his heart and lungs believing she could fall in love with him. However, she finds he’s too sick for her to be attracted to him, so satisfies herself with medical books.

I find this plot point of the brother actually a bit funny - not the fact a kid is dying - but it almost seems reminiscent of that cliche of being attracted to the best friend’s brother, this is basically like that! But it’s his cancer that led her to being interested. And with this, we’re invited to view the narrator as a regular teenage girl figuring herself out. Plenty of girls have their first crush be a book character and a friend’s relative - it just so happens she’s not attracted to their looks but their ailments. I really appreciate this framing of our main character - we’re provided context for the fetish in the main storyline and allowed to find a way to relate it to our own lives. It feels like a mature way to handle this idea - it’s not a gruesome spectacle, it's a character study, we’re grounding the character in relatable reality with book crushes and the like.

We continue to experience the narrator developing her sexuality via the medical books she spends all her allowance on - even going as far to refine her interests such as knowing she isn’t a fan of tuberculosis, cancer or the suggested ‘eroticism’ of quietly dying characters in Victorian novels. She clarifies herself as being attracted to cardiovascular disease and purchases a CD that held recordings of different heart beats, murmurs and flutters that pleases her so much she ends up getting rid of the CD due to the power over her as well as makes her realises she’s not interested in traditional sex. She clarifies the moment she ‘lost control’ so to speak was when she found a website where heart beat fetishists could share and indulge in audio recordings of different heartbeats. Even the way she describes her ‘alone time’ is almost medical - brutal and bluntly descriptive to the point I couldn’t put the description in this video without fear of no one ever seeing this blog. I’d highly recommend reading both these books to not only get the full effect of the author’s words but also, make up your own opinion.

It’s a subtle bleed in - pardon the metaphor - of Enriquez showcasing how the fetish is taking over our narrator’s life. Gone are the emotive prose she used to describe the sickly Victorian characters she was attached to. Now she’s taking influence from the medical jargon.

On the heartbeat website, our narrator refrains from communicating, preferring to keep to herself. Until she locates an account where she cannot resist reaching out. Somehow, they live in the same city but choose to ignore the ideas of fate and become enamoured with each other - his sickly heartbeat and her stethoscopes against the world.

“We both knew how it would end, and we didn’t care.”

A statement that builds unto itself, it gives imagery of desperation. I instantly thought of the poster of Blue Valentine - a desperate intimacy between two lovers who no one else understands. It’s curious how the only people that get extended descriptions are the characters our narrator is attracted to or the prominent men in her life. We’re seeing the world through our narrator’s tunnel vision view - similarly to how we only see the world of Things Have Gotten Worse through what Agnes and Zoe give away in their communications. I really focused on the description afforded to this man our narrator becomes enamoured with. He’s described as sick - which isolates him from the rest of the cardiophilia community as they believe he takes things too far by playing with his illness to produce audio recordings. Our narrator also notes that he resembles the man from the start of the story - the friend’s parent with the scar and… penis. With this, I build this image of possibly she’s further being taken advantage of. Throughout, Enriquez doesn’t give any indication to how much time has passed between each event and as such it’s almost like we still have the original young girl in our minds as we read. With this visual reminder of her original abuser and the fact he’s known to their community as someone who takes things too far, it evokes the idea that this man is more sinister than the narrator might be recognising. And it’s a common theme for young inexperienced women in kink to be taken advantage of and I wonder if this is what Enriquez is portraying.

As the cardioplay grows more extreme - experimenting with items ranging from caffeine to drugs - our narrator grows frantic and begins to develop a desire to maim him so as to grow closer to the man and his heart.

“But I think I ended up hating him. Maybe I hated him from the start. Just like I hated the man that made me abnormal, who’d made me sick, with his tired penis in front of the TV, and that beautiful scar.”

The statements about her lover are short and punchy. Whilst the sentences about this original man - the one who now it seems more clear may have indeed sexually abused her in some way (“made me” “with his”) - build upon each other. What’s building? Her rage? Her general emotion? Her regret? I think that’s up to interpretation.

This hatred and association with her previous abuser seemingly influences our narrator to further push this man to his limits. More drugs, holding a bag over his head, even pleasuring herself in a toilet stall when he’s hospitalised due to their play. The story ultimately culminates in her insisting on wanting to see his heart - only referring to the heart as “it.” And he responds that they’re going to need a saw.

The actual line packs a punch, as we fill in the blanks of she is going to cut out his heart to satisfy herself. The ending reminds me of Midsommar - I spoil so many other things in this review of two books - whereas Dani’s ultimate fate is still debated on whether we should say 'good for her!' or 'oh shit, oh no' as she condemns her gaslighting boyfriend to death. In both cases the victim is not a great person but not deserving of being killed in a horrific manner. I believe both endings are using a surface level wrapping of 'good for her' to invite you to wade further into the analysis and realise how the cycle of abuse can lead those who are abused to lash out in retaliation, pain and an attempt to retrieve power.

Whilst not a perfect book objectively, I really adore Enriquez’ stories and the disturbing horror interlaced. As mentioned above, she uses what she knows and more importantly what she can learn from other people’s first hand experiences to create these stories that pull us in and shock us.

In conclusion, The Dangers of Smoking in Bed is not a perfect book. The length of the stories have led to criticism of corners being cut and characters lacking development. Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke and Other Misfortunes is not a bad book - whilst I personally didn’t enjoy reading it I can appreciate the book for what it is and what it was trying to do and I do think LaRocca has talent and the ability to continue in this industry. I’m just a horror fan on the internet with one opinion - you might have a completely different one so please check both of these books out and share your thoughts (be nice about it though please).

So, disturbing horror. We can be disturbed by gore. We can be disturbed by unconventional relationships with wildly imbalanced power dynamics. We can be disturbed by the chat logs between two lonely queer women. We can be disturbed by a young girl discovering her sexuality as it’s not what we’re used to. But what makes a horror truly disturbing? Maybe we’ll find out soon.

BIBLIOGRAPHY OF SOURCES LaRocca, E. (2022) Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke and Other Misfortunes. London: Titan Books. Pastorella, B. (2021) Meet the writer: Eric Larocca, This Is Horror. Available at: https://www.thisishorror.co.uk/meet-the-writer-eric-larocca/ (Accessed: 13 September 2023). Q&A with author Mariana Enríquez (2017) Financial Times. Available at: https://www.ft.com/content/1c3facd2-28e6-11e7-9ec8-168383da43b7 (Accessed: 13 September 2023). Enriquez, M. (2022) The Dangers of Smoking in Bed: Stories Megan McDowell. Translated by M. McDowell. London: Granta. Cummins, A. (2022) Mariana Enríquez: ‘I don’t want to be complicit in any kind of silence’, The Guardian. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2022/oct/01/mariana-enriquez-our-share-of-night-i-dont-want-to-be-complicit-in-any-kind-of-silence (Accessed: 13 September 2023). LaRocca, E. @hystericteeth (2023) [Twitter] 5th July. Available at: https://twitter.com/hystericteeth/status/1676404563690045440 (Accessed: 13 September 2023). Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke (u.d.) GoodReads. Available at: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57876868-things-have-gotten-worse-since-we-last-spoke?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=0KP3oz91cg&rank=1 (Accessed: 18 September 2023). The Dangers of Smoking in Bed (u.d.) GoodReads. Available at: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/53215250-the-dangers-of-smoking-in-bed?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=yUVz3vAmNQ&rank=1 (Accessed: 18 September 2023). Everett, B.G. et al. (2019) Sexual orientation disparities in pregnancy and infant outcomes, Maternal and child health journal. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6501574/ (Accessed: 25 October 2023). Williamson, K. (1996) Scream [DVD]. United States: Dimension Films. Lobdell, S. (2017) Happy Death Day [DVD]. United States: Blumhouse Productions, Universal Pictures. Melton, P. Dunstan, M. (2010) Saw 3D [DVD]. United States: Twisted Pictures, Lionsgate. Goldfinger, P. Stolberg, J. (2023) Saw X [DVD]. United States: Twisted Pictures, Lionsgate. Graziadei, P. Janiak, L. (2021) Fear Street Part One: 1994 [DVD]. United States: 20th Century Studios, Chernin Entertainment, Netflix. The Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke hashtag on TikTok.

#horror #analysis #horror books #Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke #The Dangers of Smoking in Bed #media criticism #tumblr essay #queer writer

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jessreadsandreads · 8 months ago

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I was checking myself out in the bathroom mirror before showering this afternoon, as you do, when it occurred to me that I need to plan a big, hearty, thank-you working of some sort in May, when I have the house to myself for almost a week, and I will also have had a couple of weeks of rest following the end of radiation therapy. Because these titties are blessed.

Of course, a great deal of my success is going to be due to having had the enormous privileges of a job that genuinely isn't bothered by my taking an indefinite medical leave, solid disability insurance that pays me out enough to live comfortably and to afford to buy myself all of the nutritious food I want throughout treatment, a Canadian medical system and prescription benefits that mean I haven't been charged anything for all of my treatment, and an incredible, live-in partner who has insisted on doing literally all of the cooking, cleaning, and pet care, on top of spoiling me rotten and complimenting me outrageously throughout every stage and side-effect, so that I'm practically never stressed and can sleep, and sleep, and sleep as much as I want and need to.

But I also majorly appreciate the niggling voice of intuition, three months before discovering the lump, that told me it wasn't the time to switch to part-time work and explore other projects - that it was not the time to give up my full-time employment benefits. Nor was it the time to accept a promotion that would have made taking time off extremely difficult. When my managers asked me why I wasn't applying, I literally uttered the words, "I feel like I have to go on some kind of health journey first." (Although I thought I was being pulled toward a mental health journey to improve my confidence, which was only partially accurate). And there were many, many times as I began treatment, when I casually put it out there that, "hey, if anybody is around and amenable to granting me some comfort and good fortune, I would really appreciate it right now." It hasn't been a pleasant cancer journey for me, but I've also never heard of anyone having such a relatively mild go of it. Perhaps too mild sometimes. I actually gained twenty pounds during chemotherapy. (I am a woman of great appetites and everyone kept gifting me soft blankets, spectacular take-out food, and cookies). And for someone who had a tumour the size of a grapefruit at its peak, I now have a miraculously aesthetic rack.

#cancer journey #body posititivity #deity work #grateful

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pregnancy-miracle-review · 1 year ago

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Pregnancy Miracle Review, Legit or a SCAM?

Why Is Pregnancy Miracle The Best Selling Infertility Cure Book In Internet History, With Thousands Of Satisfied (And Now Proud Mothers) Women In 127 Countries Worldwide?Thousands of women of almost every age have completely reversed any infertility issues they had and got pregnant naturally, without drugs, risky surgery, or "magic potions" simply by using the clinically proven, scientifically-accurate step-by-step method found inside this amazing Pregnancy guidebook. The Pregnancy Miracle eBook is a downloadable book that has been carefully designed to help women get pregnant naturally and healthfully. The book itself is 279 pages and includes loads of information on how to increase your fertility level naturally through ancient Chinese methods and by using time tested techniques. The Pregnancy Miracle does not deal with any prescription drugs or expensive and potentially dangerous surgical techniques. It is a completely natural and holistic process, as in some cases synthetic hormones, surgery, or other artificial therapies may cause side effects which could lower the chances of getting pregnant. The book contains a lot of information as well as charts and checklists to enable you to track the development process.

Based on an ancient and holistic system that women in the orient have used for centuries, Olson’s miracle cure for infertility is rooted in commonsense and scientific processes. It isn’t a gimmick and it will work as long as you follow the process fully. She used the system to cure her own infertility, so she has personal experience and successfully relates to the heartache women who can’t fall pregnant suffer from. The Pregnancy Miracle eBook has been proven to increase your chances of getting pregnant if you’re willing to follow the steps. Like a diet or exercise program, you will reap the benefits if you are consistent in following the program that Lisa lays out. This book does not only tell you how to get pregnant, but it also extends to helping you create a balanced and healthy feminine body that will support your bid to take in and give birth to your child. The regime is super simple to follow, as it is 100% natural and based on over 65,000 hours of research. It’s broken down into different sections for easy, stress-free reading, complete with acupressure diagrams, food lists, cleanses, juice blends, Qi exercises and more. This program does not produce instant results but walks you through a whole lifestyle change that enables you to give birth to as many children as you want in the coming years of your life. In addition to that, it will also work even for women suffering from gynecological problems, hormonal imbalances or other related medical conditions. Now, you know I can’t say that you’ll definitely get pregnant. That’s just not realistic, and I don’t want to make any promises. However, this is a step in the right direction and I believe the advice will certainty help you.

When it comes to conceiving, you can cure infertility and get pregnant naturally without using harmful drugs or chemicals. It can happen if you focus on restoring the balance of energy in your body. You can feel hopeful that this balance will create the miracle of pregnancy and become the most precious gift ever. The only side effect this system has is that you’re chances of having a baby within 2-3 months are going to increase, and so too are your answers to infertility. You will not have to worry about adverse reactions, or any unwanted side effects because the book is all about natural remedies. Therefore, it’s safe. This book has a high chance of working for you as long as you follow the program exactly as described. It doesn’t matter if you are in your 30s or 40s and think you are too old to have a baby – this book will still be able to help you. When the book was tested on a group of 36 women, 26 out of the 36 were showing signs of pregnancy after the 2 months of using the book, and even comes with a 60 Day Money Back Guarantee so you can try it out with confidence.

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mas1blogs · 1 year ago

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Navigating US Sales Tax: Insights for Foreign Businesses

Introduction

Thinking about expanding your business in the US may seem enticing but you must be ready to understand the daunting US Sales Tax system before that.

Navigating your way through the sales tax system is an essential step to accessing the vast potential of the US market. As a foreign entity, there could be many pitfalls and daunting compliances. Not having the proper US sales tax system knowledge will only work in your competitor’s favor.

So let the experts handle the complex, and break down the basics for you in easy-to-understand terms.

Why must you understand the US Sales Tax?

Sales tax is a consumption-based tax levied on the sales of goods and certain services in the United States. However, the US doesn’t follow the VAT(value-added tax) systems like other countries do. Rather US sales tax is imposed on a state-level basis which means the rates can significantly vary from one state to another. Thus, for foreign businesses in the US, it can become an intricate and challenging matter to comprehend.

The X-Factor of US Sales Tax: Nexus and Economic Nexus

While handling your tax from US business, there is one word you will definitely get to hear and that is Nexus. Nexus can be understood as a significant connection or presence in a state which defines the sales tax for a business.

Nexus was used to be applied when businesses have a physical presence in a state. For example, having a warehouse or store would invite taxes from the state. However, after the 2018 case of “South Dakota v. Wayfair”, the US Supreme Court ordered to consider economic activity in Nexus too.

Economic Nexus implies that having certain sales in a state can also trigger sales tax collection even without the physical presence. It considers a threshold amount of sales or a specific number of transactions. Therefore, one has to closely monitor their sales and business in different states while having state-specific guidelines.

How to get a Sales Tax Permit?

After getting the Nexus established, the next step is to get a US Sales Tax Permit. Foreign Business Owners must request a sales tax permit for each state where they have a presence. For this, you will be asked to submit an application to the State’s Tax Authority. Provide them with the essential business information, and then designate a person to handle your sales tax matters.

Figuring out what gets Taxed?

As if understanding the nexus wasn’t enough, the US Sales Tax System is complicated when it comes to understanding the taxable items too. Different states have different considerations for taxable items. In order to ensure that you are not getting tax charged unnecessarily, you must familiarize yourself with the state-wise rules.

In some US states, it is applied on almost every item; whereas, in other states, there are tax exempted goods and services. These tax exemptions may include items like groceries, medications, prescriptions, etc. Being mindful of these can help you to report accurate taxes.

Next Step: Tax Collection and Remittance

It isn’t a rocket-science now, is it?

Once you have established Nexus and done your homework on taxable items, all you need to do is collect the sales taxes. To maintain compliance, you must charge the accurate amount of taxes from the customers. Being a Foreign Business in the US or being unaware of the right amount will not work as an excuse with the authorities.

Along with the collection, you must be well-versed in the sales-tax remittance frequency as well as the method per the state. On one hand, where some states follow monthly tax remittance rules, other states follow quarterly or annual tax remittance. To avoid penalties or additional interests on the tax amount, it is suggested to mark the important dates on your calendar and never miss them.

Keep the Exemption Certificates ready

While doing business in the US, it is possible to encounter tax-exempt customers as well. They may be resellers, non-profit organizations, or government entities. In order to avoid charging tax from these customers, you must collect valid exemption certificates. Keep these certificates as safe records to be used in the future.

Stay one step ahead: Leverage Technology

Being a Foreign Business in the US that is new to the system, you can turn to sales tax software for an advantage. Utilization of technology can become one of your best decisions ever.

Be it tax calculations, collection, or reporting, you can automate it all. See it as an investment that can save hours of your time while reducing the risk of errors as well.

Conclusion

We know it was a load of information to process in a go. So, here is a sneak-peak. To successfully be on the top of the US Sales Tax system as a Foreign Business, you must do the following:

Keep a close eye on Nexus/Economic Nexus

Get your Sales Tax Permit

Collect and Remit accurate amounts of tax

Utilize Sales Tax software as your sidekick

When looked at with a confused sight, these steps might seem exhausting. But once understood, these can help you to rock the US market with your business passion. However, if it still feels like you need assistance, you can always seek an expert to have your back.

If you are looking to file Federal Tax, know which one fits your business needs; Form 941 or Form 944.

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mochatune · 2 years ago

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I once again apologize if this isn’t accurate I just barely see fics of my fave fandoms covering heavy topics and I feel like someone needs too.

—

Yb Peter x drug addict reader hcs (reader is specifically addicted to vyvanse)

—-

- Peter already knows, I mean come on he literally stalks you for a living.

-Peter isn’t stupid, he smokes when stressed so he can relate in a way although your doing harder drugs than him.

-how did he find out? He sees you pop one of the blue pills every morning through the secret cameras installed but he knows you don’t have any prescriptions or even ADHD for that matter, your name isn’t even on the bottle.

-when he decided to kidnap you is when he took action, he didn’t really mention it while you both were getting to know each other because he would blow his cover knowing you would rather die than share your little habit with people you don’t know let alone are close with.

-he originally tried weening you off so you wouldn’t suffer through withdrawal, he was there for you every step of the way but despite that he still kidnapped you so your stress was at an all time high. Your technically didn’t really recover at all and still thought about it at every waking moment, even in your dreams you thought of just taking another pretty blue capsule.

-they made you confident, like a day could never go bad with one of those 60mg bad boys keeping you mentally healthy or at-least your false perception of mentally healthy.

-productivity and happiness are unlimited with the unprescribed meds, you also loved them because of how much weight they made you lose over the course of a couple of months. Used to being chubby and now all that’s left are stretch marks from past stretching of the skin, how could you possibly quit when they offered you all these wonderful ‘health’ benefits?

-the energy of it all made you dizzy with happiness of what it would be like to take it again

-quitting wasn’t an option for you, of course Peter figured this could happen so the medicine cabinet is locked up along with him watching you use the toilet so you couldn’t break into it

-Peter feels bad, all he wants do is give you a hug and tell you it will all be better but your terrified of him and quite frankly it’s triggering a relapse despite you never mentally recovering from the loss of your crutch in the first place.

-Peter is becoming desperate for you to be comfortable around him now aswell, it’s been months already in his care. He’s almost willing to do anything for you to just stop being so difficult

-eventually you’re so desperate for atleast a fourth of the feeling they gave you that you snort some coffee left on the counter, it doesn’t work obviously. The rush only lasting for a bit but it felt like enough for the time being

-it seems funny, like a joke. Someone so desperate for a release that they do anything that looks like it will take effect in sight, anything to get rid of the mental pain?

-In short the desperate measures you took had you end up restrained with peters hawk like gaze never leaving you for a minute, you’re kept in a dirty basement attached to a pipe but even then you’re restless. cursing him out and telling him how much of a shit human being he is.

-at one point he thinks of giving in to you’re demands, maybe you’ll like him more? He cares about you’re health a lot or he just likes to believe he cares about you more than he really does but if this makes you so happy then he may aswell do this to get your love and affection

-Peter is considerably shallow and quite frankly desperate so he might just give you what you’ve been wanting for so long. He really isn’t above fueling your addiction, after all he isn’t exactly great at managing his growing addiction with you either.

-he does give in but only once, or so he thinks. The second he puts it in your mouth (rather forcefully might I add, like giving a child a tablet to shut them up) you’re immediately complaint with all his demands and stop cursing him out, you’re still squirming to get out but it’s a start.

-of course at first you didn’t want to be complaint let alone even speak to him but you didn’t really care anymore, you felt you had nothing in the real word. Peter has gaslighted you so much over the course of your stay that as long as you at least had the medicine you could let yourself sink into Stockholm syndrome

-after an hour when it’s fully kicked in you become more affectionate and you even ask him to stay with you in the dirty basement, you’re becoming talkative again.

-he’s over the moon and after a couple of weeks of giving you the meds he swore not to give you he lets you come back upstairs and your almost as complaint as a trained dog.

-Peter is an enabler who’s all about control, if you throught the was going to keep your best interest at heart for the risk of losing your affection then you’re dead wrong.

-Peter doesn’t really love you, he loves the feeling of you with him. The feeling of your warm body against him or when you just look him in the eyes.

-Peter is whipped and is quite frankly not above drugging you up if it means you continue to treat him with love and care as he will do the same in return x10

-by you convincing him to give in is a very dangerous path though, had you been less troublesome he would have cared more about your well being. it’s not your fault entirely though, Peter is the one who kidnapped and manipulated you, Kept you against your will.

-he’ll use your dependency on vyvanse to his advantage and will become more strict with how he gives it out overtime as he becomes more used to the affection given to him.

-didn’t look him in the eyes long enough? None today. Tried to escape? Good luck trying to get that back for a couple of weeks

-he effectively has a reward and punishment system for you as he gradually becomes more cocky and power hungry for your love.

-Peter isn’t a great guy and will quite frankly just fuel your habit despite how much he believes he cares for your well-being and health

-maybe deep down he wants to be a good boyfriend for you, to nurture you and make you happy but the reality of his nature is not so bright

—-

Yeah.. sorry this got dark quick. I wanted it to be wholesome but Peter as a character is just not mixable with that, he’s not a good guy no matter how hard I tried to sugar coat this headcanon. I apologize if this is an inaccurate representation of drug addiction and Peter as a character. Forgive me

#yb peter #peter your boyfriend #peter #your boyfriend visual game #your boyfriend game #your boyfriend #your boyfriend x reader #headcanons #headcanon #enjoy #x reader #yandere #male yandere #yandere community #yb game #yb fandom #yb y/n #manipulating #manipulation

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allthecanadianpolitics · 3 years ago

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so everyone talks about canada's medical system like The Ideal bc we're right next to the usa which is obviously hell. but god, i'm so tired of trying to survive it. so this one goes out to all the politically-active canadians, because today my local pharmacist informed me that at their discretion they could and did choose to refuse me an emergency refill on my progestin meds, which i need to prevent severe period pain (in addition to my also severe chronic pain, which had me in several different hospitals for over a year only to come out of it with a diagnosis of f*kin IBS. pretty sure ibs doesn't typically put you in a wheelchair but whatever, the antispasmodics help a little so i'll take it if the alternative is to wake up from surgery again with a handwritten three-line note beside me saying "we didn't find anything wrong" and the surgeon gone home for the night, leaving me to the tender mercies of google to tell me what to expect during my recovery). anyway this is a long way to go about saying:

prescriptions should not (ever) be a prerequisite to acquiring medication. prescriptions can be a prerequisite to acquiring medication for free, if they have to exist at all; but all meds - including "habit-forming" ones - should be available for anyone to purchase. It is a violation of my bodily autonomy to demand a signed doctor's note for legitimate medication i need to function (which is typically arbitrarily selected for restriction anyway; birth control pills are regulated but cold medicine isn't even "over the counter." And don't come at me with the "people might misuse it and hurt themselves" argument. you don't need a prescription to buy a knife. it is not about safety).

doctors have routinely prescribed me pain meds that have dangerous potential to interact with my antidepressants, and almost always fail to accurately inform me of the effects and risks of each prescription. the only thing keeping me safe is my own ability to research the fuck out of everything, and doctors - with all their Endless Expertise - have failed to assist me in that research more often than they've provided ANY aid. in fact, according to the records i've been obsessively keeping since the start of my personal ordeal, the amount of times doctors have actively damaged (or attempted to damage) my health outnumbers the times they've done anything to heal me by about a factor of three.

doctors don't know enough to be qualified to write prescriptions.

and even if they did, they still shouldn't have the right to deny me access to medication i've researched the fuck out of and been on for months or years. i shouldn't have to do all my own research, but since i do, i should at least get back, in exchange, my bodily autonomy from the so-called experts. I should have the right to decide what i put in my body. Especially because i already have the responsibility of educating myself about it.

I should have the right to choose. Not the pharmacist who lied about checking my records. Not the doctor who told me i needed to see a gynecologist to even consider taking birth control pills. Not the ER physician who tried to refuse me painkillers when i was literally immobile with agony, because he thought i should try taking an Advil first.

I should have the right to choose.

I'm too tired to fight for it now. Would someone please fight for me?

#submission #medical abuse tw #medical neglect tw

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friendofthecrows · 3 years ago

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I don't think you guys get how scientifically some "witchcraft" MUST be taken or else you can face serious side effects (I am specifically talking about things that deal with herbs, minerals, or other chemical components, especially when they are meant to be ingested, applied to the skin, or inhaled).

Like, I'm locally known for my tea witchcraft, which anyone who has looked into it might more accurately call herbology or a mix of folk knowledge and biochemistry. I stay as up to date as I can on the research, and for things that there isn't enough research for at the moment but have been used for a certain ailment for centuries, I meticulously document every use, the exact procedure and recipe, and any reported effects whether they on the surface seem relevant or not.

I'm reminded of this because of the covid that has been passing around the household, and all the remedies I've been making for one symptom or another, conscious of everyone's health issues and medication. My dad says, "thank you for taking care of everyone, Hal." and I say, "no problem! :)" queue me returning downstairs for almost an hour of washing chemistry equipment.

On tumblr on the rare occasions I share any herb-based stuff I learn, it's all pretty mild. I avoid potent shit that you really need to be careful with. But note that when you get really into it, you start to realize that a lot of the more effective stuff is toxic in larger doses. Because it's like medicine. It's chemically based and it has a potent, significant effect on the human body. You can't take too much. Now, I don't mess around with that stuff irl either unless I am 100% certain of what I'm doing and the situation calls for that level. I also forage for most of my herbs/mushrooms/mosses/etc, and sometimes, the stuff I have access to is the stuff you've got to be careful with.

Did you know that foxglove is great for treating congestive heart failure and atrial fibrillation? It's used to make a prescription drug called digoxin for that specific purpose. It's also really fucking toxic, far too much to mess with it at home. More dangerously, the information on the benefits of foxglove is just a google search away! I chose a really obvious example for this, but if you just fill an infuser with any given plant that's supposed to help with [issue] and steep it, no carefully determined dilutions, temperatures (for either the denaturing of certain proteins or preventing the release of certain chemicals) and very specific steep times (mostly to prevent the release of too high of dosage toxic chemicals) you might find yourself in the emergency room or in the ground. Best case just sick for a few days. Or you might happen to be right and feel so much better!

But the point is, you've got to take this stuff seriously if your resident witch/herbologist/homeopathic healer is, and if they're not, avoid participation or do a shit ton of research on your own to make sure it's safe first. If you're doing it on your own, research, record results carefully, ask questions of those who know more, and be prepared to stop any herbal treatment you start. Don't be arrogant.

(I kid you not, my brother is banned from the tea shelves since one time (for context he has tachycardia) he made himself a strong infusion of yerba mate as a study aid, which he knew to do because I make it for myself as a study aid (not now that I'm on adderall) and for those of you who don't know, it's a stimulant thanks to frankly insane amounts of caffeine *when made traditionally* (more than coffee, which my brother is not allowed to have thanks to his tachycardia). Needless to say this ended in an ER trip. (He was ultimately okay, don't worry).)

#oh it's just some herbs!#i'm very sick of people treating herbology like it's just silly beliefs that be can be taken very lightly #like yeah sure. did you check if they interfere with your medication? did you check dosage?#were you super careful to dilute it properly and steep it at the right temperature?#no?#well no shit you're experiencing side effects dumbass #just culturally #none of you take this seriously and spreading that mentality that people should just experiment with this stuff #only some of you push the reality that you have to be careful #it's not silly and any responsible herbologist will do research #please be one of the people who does research and does NOT spread the idea that it's all #'uwu witchy herb correspondences i know cause i saw a list of medicinal herbs for virgos with chronic pain on tumblr'#'measurements? i trust my intuition baybee <3'#sure that's fine with sage and garlic and peppermint and shit #but please #if you have not heard of an herb before in the context of normal culinary use #do NOT order a package of it online or look for it in your woods and then steep yourself a cup of it with no research #eventually that will bite you in the ass #I see a concerning amount of people spreading the idea that anything folk-knowledge based should AUTOMATICALLY NOT BE TREATED SERIOUSLY #wrong reaction #no you shouldn't use it as your sole treatment for a serious ailment #and no you shouldn't accept everything uncritically #but don't treat it lightly as if 'it's all fake anyways lol'#i'm gonna fucking murder someone #and i know the mushrooms to do it with #'oh what's in this' 'just some magical ingredients uwu' *it has amanita and you die in several days after an unassuming stomach ache*#i'm sorry this turned into a rant #genuinely meant to just type a short witty thing on it but that didn't happen #it also turned into a #long post

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gendercensus · 4 years ago

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Supplementary survey: they/them reflexives, The Sir/Ma’am Issue, and Spivak vs. Elverson

This short, clarifying survey ran from 4th until 24th April 2021. There were 2,998 usable responses. Unlike the annual Gender Census survey, this one was open to anyone of any gender, provided they lived in an English-speaking country.

It asked about two things:

They/them verbs and reflexives - basically whether people who prefer they/them pronouns prefer the reflexive to be themself or themselves, and which people feel is more “correct”.

Sir/ma’am/? - investigating why people use sir/ma’am in areas where it’s polite and common to do so, and whether there are any viable nonbinary or gender-neutral alternatives.

This blog post will also investigate the Spivak vs. Elverson issue, which was actually a separate poll that took place on two social networks.

THEY/THEM VERBS AND REFLEXIVES

Someone asked about themself vs. themselves, and it reminded me of some of the they/them issues that people ask about in feedback boxes and various confusions surrounding them.

Singular they - what is it, and when and how do people use it?

Plural they - what is it, and when and how do people use it?

What is the “correct” reflexive for each of these?

You can see the statistics in more detail here, but here’s the graph as an overview:

Participants were asked a series of questions about singular they pronouns. Everyone was asked a “which is correct” question, and participants who sometimes or always like to be called ”they” were also asked about their personal preferences.

The graph is a view of only participants who sometimes or always like to be called “they”.

Verbs. As you can see, participants overwhelmingly (94.3%) wanted people to use plural verbs (”they are reading a book”) when talking about them in the third person - even though the percentage of people who thought that was the most “correct” form was a little lower (81.8%). This was lower because 11.4% of participants who preferred “they” answered “both are correct”.

Reflexives. People were much more likely to say that both themself and themselves were correct (28.3%), and more likely to have no preference between the two (17.4%). However, themself was still more popular overall at 59.3%, and 47.3% thought themself was grammatically correct.

You as a control. I also asked all participants whether yourself or yourselves was more correct when addressing one person as a kind of control question, because they is almost grammatically identical to you - it can refer to one person or multiple people, it takes plural verbs even when referring to/addressing one person, and in that situation only the reflexive changes. Many people who say that singular they is grammatically incorrect have no issues with singular you, so it seemed like something that might be interesting to compare. In the graph above you can see that 93.6% of people thought yourself was more correct; only 4.2% of they-accepting participants felt that both yourself and yourselves were equally correct when addressing one person.

There were a couple of things that came up several times in the comments:

“They is” is common in African-American Vernacular English (AAVE), and probably in other dialects too. As I don’t live in the US I’m pretty unfamiliar with this dialect, but either way that seems fine to me. It’s part of why I also asked for participants’ locations, because I wanted others to be able to download the results and see if some regions were more likely to use some words/constructions than others.

There were some alternatives to themself and themselves presented, such as theirself and theirsen. Both of these points lead nicely to the third...

The idea that any language choice is more “correct” than another is quite prescriptive. What feels correct or natural varies depending on a lot of factors, such as where in the world you learned English, and there is no such thing as objective correctness when it comes to such a broad and variable language as English.

I am aware of and agree with that third bullet point, so my asking which phrases were more “correct” was a bit of a trick question. It was a good way to get a feel for people’s linguistic instincts.

I also thought it was interesting that participants who never wanted to be called they were slightly more likely to side with the most popular view on what is “correct” across the board, and less likely to say “both are correct”.

PLURAL VS. SINGULAR THEY

I actually ran another version of this survey first and then scrapped the responses, because it was clear that my survey design was leading to some pretty confused and unhelpful data! Among other things, it asked participants whether they preferred singular or plural they for themselves and then directed them to particular questions based on their answer, and the comments suggested that people either didn’t really understand the distinction or meant different things by those terms, even though I had added help text.

This is my understanding:

Singular they is they/them pronouns when used to refer to one person. Verbs are usually plural (i.e. “they are” rather than “they is”), and themself and themselves are both common. Example usage: They are getting themself a cup of coffee. They bought themselves a nice new hat.

Plural they is they/them pronouns when used to refer to two or more people. Verbs are usually plural (i.e. “they are” rather than “they is”), and themselves is almost universal (with the exception of regional variations such as theirselves). Example usage: They are getting themselves some coffee together. They all bought hats for themselves.

Some plural/multiple people refer to themselves as “we” and prefer to be addressed as “they/themselves” (which they call plural they) because they are a group of individuals sharing one body.

The reason I initially asked directly about singular vs. plural they is because I was concerned that plural/multiple systems would cause some statistical confusion. Many plural people have asked me to add plural they to the checkbox list of pronouns in the annual survey, but since it has never been entered by over 1% of participants I have never had reason to do so. As far as I knew, the only difference between singular and plural they is the reflexive (themself for singular and themselves for plural), so I wanted to be able to investigate non-plural people in isolation, and I was curious to know about any trends or differences. I wanted to find out if I should be doing anything differently to ensure that Gender Census statistics are helpful.

So, I swapped out the badly-designed question for a straight-up checkbox, a “check this box if you’re plural/multiple” type of thing, with a note that participants should fill in the survey once per body wherever possible, and then I made some graphs.

Here you can see that plural systems were still more likely to prefer people to use themself to refer to them rather than themselves, though the margin is narrower:

Plural participants were also more likely to say that they sometimes or never want people to refer to them as they, whereas non-plural people were more likely to want people to always refer to them as they (or they just feel fine about it):

There’s not a lot in it, though. It’s all relatively evenly distributed, with no strong leader in either category there.

For the curious: 8.2% of participants checked the plural/multiple box.

In conclusion: plural and non-plural people alike all prefer people to use themself when referring to them in the third person using they/them pronouns, and I feel that there is probably no need to ask about plurality or separate out data from plural people in future. (Asking about this and seeing the responses did in part prompt me to start an anonymous feedback form for plural participants of the Gender Census, though.)

THE SIR/MA’AM ISSUE

For several years participants have been asking me in the feedback box of the annual Gender Census survey to also ask about gender-inclusive or nonbinary-specific alternatives to sir and ma’am. I’ve largely not done anything about it, because when informally asking around I’ve generally had the response “just don’t say sir or ma’am, just leave it out altogether.” I live in the UK, where if someone calls you sir/ma’am you’re either looking at home in a fancy restaurant for billionnaires or you’re being made fun of - or sometimes both.

However, during this year’s annual survey while talking about it in a little more depth I learned that there are places in the world where sir/ma’am is very common, required for politeness, and basically inescapable. Nonbinary people in those areas are really struggling, because they do actually need a nonbinary-friendly stand-in for those terms - omitting the sir/ma’am isn’t an option.

Again, the location question was asked so that anyone else downloading the spreadsheet of responses can analyse by region to find out whether sir/ma’am is ubiquitous in particular regions and in which contexts it is used, and can even check whether there is a region-specific alternative to sir/ma’am emerging. I asked several questions about sir/ma’am, including about reasons/contexts and personal preferences, and some superficial analysis is included on the spreadsheet of responses.

But the juicy bit is the nonbinary-specific and gender-inclusive alternative words, right?

[The counting formula is case-sensitive so I made everything lowercase to make the count a little more accurate.]

Suggested gender-inclusive alternatives to sir/ma’am

mx - 4.1% (151)

friend - 2.2%

comrade - 1.2%

captain - 0.7%

ser - 0.5%

mate - 0.4%

m - 0.3%

per - 0.3%

boss - 0.3%

folks - 0.3% (9)

Suggested nonbinary-specific alternatives to sir/ma’am

mx - 8.3% (250)

mix - 0.7%

tiz - 0.5%

friend - 0.4%

ser - 0.4%

comrade - 0.3%

mixter - 0.3%

captain - 0.2%

ind - 0.2%

mir - 0.2% (6)

So it looks like Mx (pronounced “mix” or with a toneless vowel that sounds a bit like “mux”) is the clear winner in both categories. If you want to try to introduce a gender-neutral version of sir/ma’am in your area this one is probably your best bet.

SPIVAK VS. ELVERSON

This wasn’t part of the same survey! It was a Twitter poll and a Mastodon poll that ran for one week and ended today, and I’m putting it here because it has to go somewhere.

Sometimes people refer to the ey/em and e/em “versions” of the Spivak pronoun set, which makes my eyebrows do things, because they’re not both Spivak. They are distinct established pronoun sets with their own names.

Spivak - e/em/eir/eirs/emself - written about by Michael Spivak in the 1990s. [source: Nonbinary Wiki]

Elverson - ey/em/eir/eirs/emself - created by Christine M Elverson in the 1970s. [source: Nonbinary Wiki]

The Elverson set is older, but it’s less well-known for some reason, so they’re assumed to be variants of Spivak due to the similarity in spelling.

I was recently asked how we can know which is more popular, given the “oh this checkbox option is close enough, I’ll just choose that instead of typing in my very slightly different set” effect and the “hmm this checkbox option is very close to my set, I’m probably meant to choose this one” effect, plus the boost that checkbox options get with the “oh I hadn’t thought of that one but yeah, why not” effect. Spivak (e/em) is on the checkbox list of pronouns in the annual survey, so it appears to be much more popular than Elverson (ey/em)... but is it really?

I ran a poll on both Twitter and Mastodon, and then used a spreadsheet to extract the useful numbers. There were 141 relevant votes after one week. I wouldn’t usually make annual-survey-altering decisions based on a sample that small, but in this case the results are extremely decisive:

It seems that the highest proportion of people who like at least one of the sets are happy for both to be used, at 48%. 45% prefer ey/em (Elverson) and 7% prefer e/em (Spivak). This is pretty stunning! I’ve been presenting e/em (Spivak) as a checkbox option on the Gender Census annual survey for years, possibly since the first survey in 2013, and because it’s a checkbox option it seems to be consistently a lot more popular than ey/em (Elverson). That’s 4.3% and 0.6% respectively in the 2021 survey. But this poll suggests that actually ey/em (Elverson) is much more popular when the two pronoun sets are viewed on a level playing field.

When you remove all “I don’t mind” votes, you get this:

Over 6 times as many people prefered Elverson!

I will definitely be adding Elverson to the Gender Census next year, just so that we can split the e/em and ey/em votes and really get to the bottom of this.

Anyway, while we’re on the topic, ey/em takes singular verbs most of the time.

#results #spivak #elverson #sir/ma'am #they/them #singular they #plural they #pronouns #neopronouns

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elamarth-calmagol · 3 years ago

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What actually is LACE? (an informal essay)

What’s LACE?

Laws and Customs among the Eldar, or LACE, is the most popular section of the History of Middle Earth books. It's available online as a PDF here: http://faculty.smu.edu/bwheeler/tolkien/online_reader/T-LawsandCustoms.pdf . There’s a lot of LACE analysis in the fandom, Silmarillion smut fics are usually labeled “LACE compliant” or “not LACE compliant”, and I’ve been seeing the document itself show up in actual fics, meaning that the characters themselves are discussing it.

LACE is an unfinished, non-canonical essay split into several parts. It covers the sexuality of elves, which is mostly what people talk about. It also covers elvish naming (which I want to make a whole different post about), the speed at which elves grow up, changes that happen throughout their lives, their death and rebirth, and finally the legal and moral issues of Finwe remarrying after Miriel’s death. The discussion about rebirth conflicts with Tolkien’s later writings about Glorfindel’s re-embodiment, but to the best of my knowledge, LACE is the best or only source for most of the topics it covers.

However, LACE is not canon since it doesn’t show up in the Silmarillion. Counting all of the History of Middle Earth as canon is literally impossible, considering Tolkien contradicts himself all over the place. It is only useful because it has so much information that is never discussed in the actual canon. Many people consider it canon out of convenience.

Another important thing to remember is that, other than presumably the discussion of the growth of elvish children, the information is only supposed to apply to the Eldar (meaning the Vanyar, Noldor, Teleri, and Sindar) and not the dark-elves such as the Silvan elves and Avari.

The rest is behind the cut to avoid clogging your feeds.

Problems with LACE interpretations

But because it’s hidden in the History of Middle Earth (volume 10, Morgoth’s Ring), barely anyone actually gets the opportunity to read it. I don’t think most people are aware that you can get it online, so it doesn't get read much.

I feel like this leads to a handful of people saying something about LACE and everyone else going along with it. I definitely did this. I was amazed by all the things that were in the actual essay that nobody had ever told me about, or had told me incorrectly. For example, most people seem to believe that elves become married at the completion of sexual intercourse (whatever that means to the fic author). In fact, LACE explicitly says that elves must take an oath using the name of Eru in order to be legally married. Specifically:

It was the act of bodily union that achieved marriage, and after which the indissoluble bond was complete… [I]t was at all times lawful for any of the Eldar, being both unwed, to marry thus of free consent one to another without ceremony or witness (save blessings exchanged and the naming of the Name); and the union so joined was alike indissoluble.

I’ve seen a marriage oath being included in a few stories recently, but most writers leave out the oath entirely and just have sex be automatically equivalent to marriage. What would happen if elves had sex without swearing an oath? I don’t know, but I’d love to see it explored.

Then there’s a footnote that might explicitly deny the existence of transgender elves... or not, but I’ve literally only seen it mentioned once or twice. Overall, I feel like all of LACE is filtered through the handful of people who read it, and we’re missing out on a lot of metanalysis and interpretations that we could have because most fans never see the actual document.

Who wrote LACE?

I mean within the mythology of Middle Earth, of course. Since LACE appears in the History of Middle Earth and not the Silmarillion, we can be pretty sure that J.R.R. Tolkien himself wrote it and it wasn’t added to by Christopher Tolkien. But that’s not the question here. Remember that Tolkien’s frame narrative for all of his Middle Earth work is that he is a scholar of ancient times and is translating documents from Westron and Sindarin for modern audiences to read and understand. The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings come from the Red Book of Westmarch, and I believe The Silmarillion is meant to be Tolkien’s own writings based on his research (though it might also be an adaption of Bilbo’s “Translations from the Elvish”, but I haven't looked into that). So what does LACE come from?

Christopher Tolkien admits in his notes that he doesn’t know. He says, “It is clear in any case that this is presented as the work, not of one of the Eldar, but of a Man,” and I agree, because of the way it seems to be written as an ethnographic study rather than by someone who lives in the culture. Honestly, it talks too much about how elves are seen by Men (e.g. speculating that elf-children might look like the children of Men) to be written by an elf. This changes once it gets to the Doom of Finwe and Miriel, but that could be, and probably is, a story told to the writer by an elf who was there at the time.

Tolkien actually references Aelfwine in the second version of the text. The original story behind The Lost Tales, which was the abandoned first version of the Silmarillion, was that a man from the Viking period named Aelfwine/Eriol stumbled onto the Straight Road and found himself on Tol Eressea. He spoke to the elves and brought back their stories to England with him. So it makes a lot of sense that Aelfwine would also write about the lives and customs of the elves for an audience of his own people.

Does LACE exist in Middle Earth?

I keep finding fics where first age elves discuss “the Laws and Customs” openly, as if it’s a text in their own world. I usually get the impression that it was brought by the Noldor from Valinor. But did the document actually exist in that time period? For me, the answer is definitely not.

First of all, LACE was probably written by a Man, meaning it could not have dated back to Valinor in the years of the Trees, because Men hadn’t awaked yet. In fact, the closest thing to an established frame narrative for it is that it was written by Aelfwine, who comes from the time period around 1000 CE (though Tolkien doesn’t seem to have pinned him down). This is at least the fifth age, if not later.

But what if you don’t believe that it was written by a Man? It still couldn’t have been written in the First Age, because it discusses the way the relationship between elves’ bodies and souls changes as ages go by. For example:

As ages passed the dominance of their fear ever increased, ‘consuming’ their bodies... The end of this process is their ‘fading’, as Men have called it.

A lot of time has to go by in order for elves to get to the point of fading. As a bonus, here’s another reference to the perspective of Men. LACE also discusses the dangers that “houseless feas”, which are souls of elves who do not go to Mandos after their bodies died, pose to Men. How would they have known about that in the First Age? It further says that “more than one rebirth is seldom recorded” (which isn’t contradicted anywhere I know of), and that’s not something you would know during your life of joy in Valinor, where almost nobody dies. That’s something you learn after millennia of war. This has to be a document written well after the Silmarillion ends.

So what about the sex part? That’s all we care about, right? Well, it is entirely possible that this was written down by the elves and Aelfwine translated it (though my impression is that he mostly recorded stories told orally to him and that elves were not very much into writing, at least in Valinor where you could get stories directly from someone who experienced them). However, why would the elves write this down? They know how quickly their children grow up. They’ve seen actual marriages. They don’t need that described to them. And if they did have a specific document or story explaining the expectations of them when it comes to sex and marriage, why would they call it “Laws and Customs”? That’s a very strange name for a set of rules for conduct. I’m sure they had a list of laws written out somewhere in great detail, like our own state or national laws (that seems very in character for the Noldor, at least). But I seriously doubt that those laws are what we’ve been given to read. LACE is not an elvish or Valinoran document.

Is LACE prescriptive or descriptive?

Here’s the other big question I’m interested in. Prescriptive means that the document describes the way people should behave. Descriptive means that it describes how people do behave. And the more I worldbuild for Middle Earth and the culture of elves, the more I want to say that LACE is prescriptive in its discussion of sex, marriage, and gender roles.

But wait. I’ve been saying for paragraphs that I think LACE is Aelfwine or another Man’s ethnographic study of elvish culture. Then it has to be descriptive, right?

Does it? How long do we think Aelfwine stayed with the elves? Did he wait fifty years to see a child grow up? Did he get to witness a wedding ceremony? Did he meet houseless fea? I don’t think he could have done all of that. Maybe a different Man who spent his entire life with the elves could, but then when was this written? When the elves were still marrying and having children in Middle Earth or when so much time had gone by that they had begun to fade already?

Whoever wrote this was told a lot of information by elves instead of experiencing it firsthand, the same way he heard the stories from the First Age from the elves instead of being there. Maybe it was one elf who talked to him, maybe several different ones. But did those elves accurately describe their society the way it was, give him the easiest description, or explain the way it was supposed to be? If I was describing modern-day America, would I discuss premarital sex or just our dating and marriage customs? Maybe people would come away from a talk with me thinking that moving in together equated to marriage for Americans in the early 21st century. And I don’t even have an agenda to show America in a certain way, I'm just bad at explaining. Did the elves talking to what may have been the first Man they had seen in millennia have an agenda in the way they presented themselves?

Or did the writer himself have an agenda? Imagine going to see these beautiful, mythical, perfect beings, and you find out that they behave in the same immoral ways Men do. Do you want to share the truth back home? Or do you leave out things that don't match your worldview? Did Aelfwine come back wanting to tell people what elves were really like? Or did he want to say “this is how you can be holy and perfect like an elf”?

Anyone studying the Age of Exploration will tell you that Europeans neber wrote about new cultures objectively, and often things were made up to fit the writer’s idea of what savages looked like. For example, my Native American history teacher in college told a story of how explorers described one tribe who (sensibly) didn't wear clothes as cannibals, because cannibalism and going around naked went together in their minds and not because of any actual incident. Unbiased scholarship barely existed yet. Even Tolkien was extremely biased and tended to be imperialistic, as we all know. There’s absolutely no reason to think that Aelfwine wasn’t biased in his own way. (Of course, now we have to consider what biases a Danish or English man from the centuries around 1000 would have when it comes to things like gender roles. I assume he would have been more into divorce and female warriors than the elves are said to be.)

But is that what Tolkien intended? Probably not. He probably wanted LACE to be descriptive. But he also never got much of a chance to analyse the essay after the fact, which might have led to him discussing its accuracy and even the exact issues I just pointed out about explorers. Anyway, we know he's biased, and honestly, what he intended has never slowed down the fandom before.

Conclusion

In short, I take LACE to be a prescriptive document describing the way elvish culture is supposed to be, not a blueprint I have to stick to in order to correctly portray elves. I also don’t believe the document that’s available for us to read existed even in the early Fourth Age, where The Lord of the Rings leaves off. There maybe have been some document outlining the moral behavior of elves, as a set of laws, but thats not the Laws and Customs we have.

Of course, canon is up to you to interpret. If you want Feanor discussing LACE with someone back in Valinor, go ahead. If you want to throw out LACE entirely, go ahead. It’s not even a canonical essay. All of this analysis is honestly useless when you consider the fact that no part of LACE exists in any canonical book.

But that’s Tolkien analysis for you.

#lotr #silmarillion #tolkien #laws and customs of the eldar #history of middle earth #silm #analysis #meta #headcanon #long post #mine

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topsytervy · 4 years ago

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Wisdom Teeth ~ JJ Maybank

Blurb: JJ takes care of you after you get your wisdom teeth out. Not gonna lie, this post is kind of a mess

Word Count: 1,890

Warnings: mentions of blood, swearing, small mention of alcohol/drinking, I think that’s it.

I’m just going to say that this is based off of my wisdom teeth experience. I didn’t get gassed or put under, my moms friend suggested me holding alcohol in my mouth cause she did that when she got hers out and it worked for her (it worked for me enough to let me sleep like the dead, and my mom kept laughing at me.

I aged JJ and the reader to 19 cause why not.

I also lowkey started thinking of JJ taking care of his kids after their wisdom teeth get pulled and thats shows in the ending.

anyway, small shoutout to @taylathornton who got me thinking about this after she said something about JJ or Rafe taking care of the reader when they get their wisdom teeth out.

~~~~

You walked out into the waiting room, gauze on either side of your mouth, your boyfriend standing by the counter as someone gave him the same rundown they gave you post-extraction.

JJ smiled as he saw you, not that you could see with the mask over the bottom half of his face, and pulled you into his side.

"Just remember that if you still feel pain while taking the prescription he gave you today, call back and he'll prescribe you something stronger." the lady said.

You nodded as you shoved the sheet filled with the instructions, prescriptions, and the extra gauze they gave you into JJ's hands. JJ said a quick thank you to the lady and then directed you to the door, every penny being covered by your insurance.

Thank God.

"How do you feel, princess?" He asked, intertwining your fingers together.

"You didn't tell me the extraction was such a violent process." You told him.

Well, attempted to tell him but the gauze in your mouth wasn't helping. The mask definitely added to muffling your voice.

JJ chuckled. "What?" He asked, unlocking the truck.

"You didn't tell me the extraction was such a violent process." You said slower, louder, and slightly more enunciated.

JJ helped you into the truck. "Didn't want to scare you, Y/N/N."

"I can do it myself. I wasn’t gassed or anything. Just numbed." You swatted his hand away as he went to buckle you in.

He held up his hands. "Alright. I'm sorry."

"Besides the lady said that I was surprisingly calm during the process." You informed him as you took off your mask.

"That's good." He closed the door and walked over to the driver’s side, climbing in as he also took off his mask. "Since you were so good during the process, how about you remind me in a week to take you to Dairy Queen and we'll get you some ice cream." He suggested, leaning over the center console and brushing some hair out of your face.

"Can I get chicken tenders too?" You asked, looking at your blonde boyfriend with the best puppy dog eyes you could muster.

JJ let out a laugh as he started the truck and began to pull out of the parking lot. "Yeah. You can get chicken tenders too, princess."

You smiled, reaching into your mouth to readjust the blood-soaked gauze only to have JJ swat your hand away. "Don't."

"But I feel like I’m swallowing the gauze every time I go to swallow my saliva." You whined.

JJ sighed. "That’s because the roof of your mouth is swollen so it makes it difficult to swallow the saliva. Just leave the gauze where it is."

You shot JJ a look before bringing your hand to your mouth again. JJ reached over and grabbed your wrist his eyes never leaving the road.

"Y/N." He warned.

"JJ." You imitated.

"I said don't touch it."

You took your wrist away from him and crossed your arms, looking out the window.

"Keep that up and you won’t get dairy queen next week. I'll get myself dairy queen and you can keep eating soup and mashed potatoes."

"You're so mean to me sometimes, J." You whispered.

"Only cause I love you and care about you, baby." He smiled, his hand going to your thigh and giving it a light squeeze.

You uncrossed your arms and took his hand in yours. "You're so sweet."

JJ shook his head. "Flip-floppy today, huh. 3 seconds ago I was mean and now I'm sweet."

You shrugged. "You're a flip-floppy guy. You threw me off the dock once when it was chilly outside and then gave me clothes to change into not even three minutes later."

"That's called being a gentleman." He smirked.

"No. It's called being an asshole with a heart."

JJ snorted as he pulled into the pharmacy parking lot, pulling into a parking space before throwing the truck in park and grabbed his wallet along with your prescriptions.

"Stay here. I’ll be back." He kissed your temple before putting his mask back on, adjusting it so it was over his nose.

You shot him a thumbs-up as you pulled out your phone, taking the time to reply to Kie and Sarah who wanted to check in on you. They both offered to come over and take care of you but you told them you were fine cause you had JJ with you.

Kie immediately replied with a 'that's why we're offering.'

You let out a small giggle before sending them an 'I'm sure JJ can handle it' before locking your phone and pulling down the sun visor to look in the mirror.

You opened your mouth and made a face as you looked at the inside of your mouth and saw the dried blood on your lips.

JJ opened the door and slid back into the driver’s seat, placing the bag with the two pill bottles in your lap. "You know, technically you’re supposed to keep pressure on the gauze for an hour so it clot and shit."

"You didn't tell me the inside of my mouth looks like it’s having its own little period. I smiled at you with my mouth looking like I took a baseball or something to the teeth." You scolded.

"Princess, and I mean this with all the love in my heart, you look like a hockey player who took a puck to the teeth." JJ laughed as he put the car in drive and made his way to the grocery store.

"JJ," you whined, not finding his comparison cute in the slightest.

"What? It's more accurate than the baseball comparison you said."

"Stop laughing at me, J. It's not funny."

"I'm sorry. You're just so whiney right now and it's adorable to me. Makes me want to bundle you up and hold you in my arms and protect you from all the evil in the world." JJ glanced at you. You crossed your arms over your chest and looked out the window. “Y/N, don’t be like this now.”

“You’re being mean to me.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are. I’m over here bleeding, preparing for the numbness to wear off and the pain to set in and you’re laughing at me.”

JJ grabbed your hand and pressed it to his lips. “I’m sorry, baby. Can you accept me buying you soup as my way of asking for your forgiveness?”

He stopped at a stop sign and looked over at you, giving you his best puppy dog eyes.

You sighed. "I suppose."

He grinned as he squeezed your hand lightly. “See, you can’t stay mad at me forever, Y/N/N.”

You rolled your eyes before leaning your head against the headrest. “It’s because I need you to take care of me while I’m healing.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm. As much as I love Kie and Sarah, I don’t think their cuddles can compare to yours.”

JJ nodded. “Fair enough. That’s all you need me for? Cuddles?”

You shrugged. “We’ll see.”

****

Within two hours, you were tearing up as the numbness wore off, the pain coming in at full force. You laid on the couch in the living room of the apartment you and JJ shared, a blanket thrown over your body.

JJ walked over with a glass of water and the pills you were prescribed. “Alright, here’s your amoxicillin, and here’s your ibuprofen.” He handed you the pills as you sat up.

You popped the two pills into your mouth, taking the glass of water from your boyfriend’s hand before taking a sip and swallowing the pills. JJ took the glass from you and set it on the end table as you sniffed.

“You know what might help?” JJ asked, walking over to one of the cabinets and opening it.

“What?”

“I know you’re not a big drinker, Y/N, but I remember Mr. Heyward telling me when I got my wisdom teeth out that, if you take vodka, whiskey, tequila, whatever, and kind of hold it in your mouth, tilting your head left and right, it’ll help with the pain. It almost renumbs it and because it’s alcohol, it also helps fight infections.” JJ explained, grabbing the bottle of vodka he had stashed away.

He grabbed a shot glass and filled it up before bringing it over to you.

“JJ, baby, I don’t think I should be having alcohol after taking a 600 mg ibuprofen and a 500 mg amoxicillin. Besides, I’m pretty sure that’s what the amoxicillin is for anyway.”

JJ sighed. “I know, princess, but I’m trying to help you out here. It hurts me to see you hurting.”

“And just two hours ago you were saying it was cute when I’m all whiney.” You joked.

“You are cute when you’re whiney and not in pain. Now you’re just in pain and I don’t like it.”

You looked at JJ with a frown. “How about we just cuddle for the rest of the day? Maybe take a nap because I’m all tuckered out.”

JJ smiled lightly, downing the shot of vodka before heading over to you and picking you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist as your arms snaked around his neck, him holding you up by your thighs. He carried you into your bedroom, taking one of his hands and pulling back the blankets before gently setting you down and tucking you in.

He climbed in on his side, gently pulling you into his side, putting a pillow on top of his upper arm so you weren’t resting on his arm, knowing that it wouldn’t help the pain at all.

“Comfortable, princess?” He asked.

You hummed in response, your arm draping across his stomach.

He kissed the top of your head, brushing your hair away from your face.

“I’m sorry in advance if I drool on you. I’m even more sorry if it’s bloody drool.” You muttered.

“It’s alright. You can drool on me whenever you want, bloody or not.”

You smiled. “And Kie and Sarah were worried about you taking care of me.”

JJ scoffed. “I always take care of you so Kie and Sarah can shove a sock in it.”

You giggled. “It’s okay, baby. I defended you and your ability to take care of me.”

“I would hope so. After all, I’m buying you Dairy Queen next week. I don’t buy Dairy Queen for anybody, you know.”

“I know.” You sighed.

It was quiet for a few minutes and you were almost asleep before JJ spoke again.

“You gotta eat your soup and mashed potatoes though or else you don’t get chicken tenders next week.”

You let out a laugh. “Oh my god, JJ. You sound like my dad when I had to go get shots.”

“That just means I’m prepared for when we have kids. The whole bribery part of parenting, in the bag.” JJ stated with a nod.

You nodded. “Alright, baby. I can’t wait to tell our kids how you knew you were ready to be a father because you told me a week after my wisdom teeth were removed, you were going to buy me chicken tenders and ice cream.”

JJ smiled. “And I can’t wait to be saying the same thing to them when they get their wisdom teeth out.”

~~~~~~

#jj outer banks #jj maybank #jj obx

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yourreddancer · 2 years ago

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HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

August 7, 2022 (Sunday)

“The yeas are 50; the nays are 50. The Senate being equally divided, the vice president votes in the affirmative, and the bill, as amended, is passed.”

So spoke Vice President Kamala Harris this afternoon as, after an all-night session, her vote passed the Inflation Reduction Act of 2022 through the Senate. It will now go to the House, where it is expected to pass.

The measure devotes more than $300 billion to addressing climate change and energy reform, the largest federal investment in climate change in U.S. history. It will make it easier and cheaper to get electric cars and to heat and cool homes without fossil fuels—Environmental Protection Agency administrator Michael Regan says families will save an average of $500 a year on energy costs—while also creating new jobs in these fields.

It extends for three years the subsidies for healthcare under the Affordable Care Act that Congress originally passed during the pandemic. It will invest about $300 billion toward reducing the deficit.The money for these programs will come from several places. The bill will lower the cost of certain prescription drugs by enabling the government to negotiate the prices of expensive drugs for Medicare, a policy most nations already have. It also caps the cost of insulin at $35 a month for people on Medicare (Republicans stripped out of the bill a similar protection for those on private insurance).

It makes corporations making $1 billion or more in income pay a 15% minimum tax, and it will tax stock buybacks at 1%. (note - NOT ENOUGH AND NO BUYBACKS SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED!!! )

And it will invest more than $100 billion in enforcing the existing tax laws on the books, laws that are increasingly ignored as the IRS has too few agents to conduct audits of large accounts.

Senate Democrats passed the measure by using the process of budget reconciliation, which covers certain revenue measures and which cannot be filibustered. Although the pieces of the measure have bipartisan support in the country, every Republican voted against the bill; Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) called it an “economic disaster” that will exacerbate inflation (the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office disagrees).

Republicans used reconciliation to pass their own signature measure in December 2017: the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017. This law cut the corporate tax rate from about 35% to 21% with the now-traditional Republican expectation that such a cut would spur economic growth, although the Congressional Budget Office estimated the measure would add about $2 trillion to the national debt over ten years. The Tax and Jobs Act did not increase employment or wages as the Republicans expected; those actually dipped slightly as corporations used the tax cuts primarily to buy back their stock, making it more valuable. That measure was the signature piece of legislation during the Trump administration.

In contrast, in the past 18 months, Democrats have rebuilt the economy after the pandemic shattered it, invested in technology and science, expanded the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) to stand against Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, eliminated al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri, pulled troops out of Afghanistan, passed the first gun safety law in almost 30 years, put a Black woman on the Supreme Court, reauthorized the Violence Against Women Act, addressed the needs of veterans exposed to toxic burn pits, and invested in our roads, bridges, and manufacturing. And for much of this program, they have managed to attract Republican votes.

Now they are turning to lowering the cost of prescription drugs—long a priority—and tackling climate change, all while lowering the deficit. Washington Post columnist E.J. Dionne noted accurately today that what these measures do is far more than the sum of their parts. They show Americans that democracy is messy and slow but that it works, and it works for them. Since he took office, this has been President Joe Biden’s argument: he would head off the global drive toward authoritarianism by showing that democracy is still the best system of government out there

At a time when authoritarians are trying to demonstrate that democracies cannot function nearly as effectively as the rule of an elite few, he is proving them wrong.

This is a very big deal indeed.

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i-am-bitterly-jittery · 3 years ago

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Into The Dark Side pt 1

So I wrote this a few months ago, and I wasn’t gonna post it until it was finished, but it felt kinda relevant after yesterday’s episode so here, take it

No Spoilers!! I didn’t add anything since yesterday (except for like fixing some grammar mistakes) so none of it was influenced by the ep. It’s an AU either way

Word Count: 2400

Rating: Teen

Pairing: gen

Warnings: swearing, suggestive language, threats of violence (Remus stuff)

~~~START~~~

“I want you to make me a Dark Side.”

Deceit raised an eyebrow at both the odd request, and the fact that the other Side thought he could just barge into his study without knocking. “Excuse me?”

“I know that you control the separation between the so-called ‘Light Sides’ and the ‘Dark Sides’. I want you to turn me into a Dark Side.”

“Indeed,” Deceit replied thoughtfully, leaning back in his chair. He was hoping to come off as casual and aloof, but on the inside, he was completely lost. “I definitely follow. Light Sides ask to become Dark Sides all the time, it’s never the other way around.”

“Thomas frequently asks for my opinion, but once I have given it, my opinion is ignored. I believe my function would be performed more efficiently if I were working behind the scenes, so to speak.”

“Yes,” Deceit leaned forward, steepling his gloved fingers under his chin. “Because Dark Sides are known for being listened to and respected.”

“If my opinion is not going to be listened to, then I would prefer everyone stop asking for it.”

“Hmm, very well. I won’t fulfill your request, but just know, everything in life is free. There is never a price to pay.”

“I do not care. I shall pay, whatever the price.”

Deceit smirked at the other Side, and held out one hand. “Then won’t you shake a poor sinner's hand?” He purred, watching the other Side closely.

He took Deceit’s hand without hesitation and was immediately engulfed in a blinding yellow light. The last thing he heard before losing consciousness was Deceit muttering “transformation central.”

~~~

“-you to make me a Dark Side-”

“-definitely follow-”

“-opinion is ignored-”

“-never a price to pay-”

“I do not care.”

Logan woke up in his bed, glasses still on his face. His room looked exactly the same except everything was in black and white.

Odd. Do all Dark Sides see in monochrome or is this some sort of practical joke played by Deceit?

He was scanning around the room, trying to decipher whether or not Deceit held up his side of the bargain, when he noticed that the lights were off. A glance at the clock told him that it was 5:30 am, much too early for him to be able to see anything more than vague outlines without a light on, let alone the most minute details on his periodic table poster.

Extremely odd indeed.

Cautiously, Logan made his way across the room to the light switch. He flicked the lights on, and suddenly all the colors of his room returned.

Interesting

Curiously, he switched the lights off again. Everything lost color immediately, but not clarity.

Very interesting. Perhaps Dark Sides can see in the dark. Further testing is required.

Leaving the lights off — he could see perfectly well in the dark so why waste electricity? —Logan headed to the bathroom attached to his room to begin his morning ablutions. He didn’t make it very far, however, because as soon as he caught sight of his reflection, he realized why he could see so well in the dark.

Ah, this is what Deceit must have meant when he said there was a price to pay.

All Dark Sides had animal traits. Deceit had snake scales covering random parts of his body, as well as a single snake eye and a forked tongue. Lust - while technically a Neutral Side - had black markings around his eyes, as well as having swan-like wings that jutted out from his back. Apathy also had black marks around his eyes - though his trailed down his face while Lust’s swooped back towards his ears - as well as an overly-large fuzzy sweatshirt that’s sleeves extend well past the tips of his fingers. Greed had intermittent scales like Deceit, though his were larger and shinier, and sometimes smoke came out of his mouth. Jealousy had opposable toes and a prehensile tail. The Duke had tentacles. And Anxiety… Well, Anxiety hid his animal traits well, but Logan was sure that he had some somewhere.

(And then of course there was Malice, Pride, and Rage, but while Logan was aware of their existence, he had never seen them before, and therefore did not know what animals they were represented by, nor how their traits manifest.)

Logan now had animal traits too. His glasses were now round with thick frames, and while his prescription hadn’t changed, they were now magnifying his eyes, making them look overly large and round. His eyebrows had gotten bushier and seemed to be permanently downturned, making him appear to be perpetually glaring. And worst of all, his hair no longer lay flat in a simple, professional style, but rather created two spikes on his head that seem to line up with the angle and trajectory of his eyebrows.

He was an owl. A great horned owl to be precise - and while owls were not known to be any more intelligent than any other type of bird, Logan understood that Dark Sides’ animal traits came from Thomas’ perception of animals, rather than from the actual behaviors of said animals.

This shall… take some getting used to. Still, it’s hardly a great price.

After several minutes of trying - and failing - to get his hair to lie flat, he gave up and decided to just start his day like he always did - with a strong cup of coffee and a nice, healthy breakfast.

Perhaps the hardest part of getting to the kitchen was that, other than his room, everything in the Dark side of the mindscape was a mirror image of how it was in the Light side, though, the fact that there were significantly more doors, and a good number of extra hallways that Logan — even with his more enhanced night vision — could not manage to see down didn’t help. It took him longer than he’d like to admit to make it to the kitchen, and when he got there, he was surprised to find he was not the only one awake.

“What the fuck happened to you?” Anxiety was sitting on top of the fridge, eating chips right out of the bag, and staring down at him.

Logan bristled a bit, which unfortunately meant his hair and clothes flared out like feathers on an agitated owl.

Unfortunate. I should make a note of that for the future.

Thankfully, Anxiety didn’t laugh at him (he wants to, though), instead he just continued to stare at Logan expectantly.

“What’s with the owl getup?”

“Ah, that. I made a deal with Deceit to become a Dark Side.” Logan answered, trying to regain his dignity. Anxiety stiffened at the answer.

“What was the price?” Anxiety demanded, gaze scanning quickly over the room, resting for a moment on a dark hallway that didn’t exist on the Light side, returning to Logan only when he found nothing to be out of place or unusual other than Logan himself.

“This, I presume,” Logan stuck his arms out to show off his unfortunate shirt-feathers. “I’ve become part owl. A bird characterized in popular media as being exceptionally smart, though in reality is of average intelligence for avians. A more accurate choice would have perhaps been a crow or a parrot, both of which are not only considered smart for avians, but for animals in general.”

Anxiety began shaking his head long before Logan finished his rant. “The animal traits are part of the gig, teach, not the price. What did Deceit ask for in return for making you a Dark Side?”

“I, uh, do not know,” Logan admitted slowly. In his haste to become a Dark Side, he had brushed off Deceit’s mention of a price, and now he was faced with the fact that he didn’t know what he paid.

“You don’t know?” Anxiety asked incredulously. Perhaps Logan should have been a little more like Anxiety. Anxiety would have never made a deal if he didn’t know exactly what the deal was, his overly cautious nature was what made Thomas double check the locks in his apartment before going to bed.

“No… I do not.”

“For being the smart one, you sure are a clueless moron.” Anxiety jumped off the fridge in one fluid motion, landing lightly - almost silently - on his feet in front of Logan. “C’mon, we’re gonna go ask Deceit what you paid.”

There was no room for argument as Anxiety grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the kitchen. Anxiety didn’t appear to be thrown off by the mirror image layout, or by the mysterious extra doors and hallways, but Logan supposed that was to be expected.

He has always lived here; he would know his way around much better than I. In fact, he would probably describe the Light Side as being a mirror image, despite the fact that it has the same basic layout as Thomas’s apartment.

“What are these extra hallways?” Logan asked curiously as they passed by two, one on either side. “And there appear to be a great number of extra doors.”

“Don’t go down hallways you can’t see down, and don’t open doors if you don’t know where they lead,” Anxiety ordered sharply instead of giving a proper answer.

“Why?” Anxiety let out an annoyed hiss, and yanked Logan to a stop.

“Just. Don’t.” He released his grip on Logan’s wrist and turned to the door that they’d stopped in front of. “We’re here.”

Anxiety rapped on the door three times. Nothing happened.

“Dee!” He called, knocking again, louder. “I know you’re in there! Open the d-”

The door flew open suddenly, banging loudly from its impact with the wall. A tentacle shot out of the impossibly dark room, wrapped around Anxiety’s wrist, and yanked the Side into the abyss before Logan could even process what was happening.

Barely a second later, another tentacle wrapped around Logan’s wrist, and yanked him into the room as well. The tentacle let go of him, and the door slammed shut again behind him, cutting off the only source of light in the pitch-black room.

“Anxiety!” A voice chuckled. “You never come to visit me! Oh I’m so touched!”

“Get off of me, Duke!” Logan could hear struggling a few feet away where both the Duke and Anxiety’s voices were coming from - as well as an interesting squwelshing noise. “I’m looking for Deceit, why are you in his room?”

“Oh, emo, you’re so funny!” The Duke laughed. “Deceit’s gone.”

“WHAT?”

“Oh yeah, seems he made a trade with a certain, discontent Light Side. I came across this empty room this morning and though it could fit sooo many butts in here, so it’s mine now!”

“Though I loathe to place myself in the middle of this conversation,” Logan interrupted. “Why can’t I see anything?”

“Cuz it’s not your room, dipshit,” Anxiety snapped.

“Now, Anxie, be nice to the nerd,” the Duke cooed. “He’s not from here.”

Suddenly, the lights flickered on, allowing Logan to take in their surroundings for the first time. The room was empty other than for himself and the other two Dark Sides, with nearly pristine white walls and carpet - though a splattering of… interesting colors littered the area around the Duke’s feet. Logan was about a foot away from the door with a tentacle reaching past him towards the light switch.

The Duke was standing in the approximate center of the room, about five feet away from Logan. His two human arms were wrapped around Anxiety, trapping his arms to his sides, lifting him off the ground, and clutching him to the Duke’s chest, while two of the Duke’s tentacles are wrapped around his legs to keep the anxious Side from kicking.

“Great,” Anxiety commented sarcastically. “Now lemme go you slimy-“

The Duke’s final tentacle wrapped around Anxiety’s head like a gag, cutting off whatever expletives were about to come out of his mouth.

“That’s better!” The Duke cheered. “Oh! My my, Anxiety, I didn’t know you were so kinky!”

The words spurred on another round of struggling from Anxiety, but the Duke held fast.

“Now, Archimedes,” the tentacle that had turned the lights on then wrapped around Logan’s wrist and pulled him closer to the conversation, though it was considerably gentler than when it had dragged him into the room - less like being kidnapped and more like having a child excited to show him something. “You can’t see in the dark in other Side’s spaces, it’s rude! You can only see in the dark in your room, and the common spaces.”

“What about all those hallways I couldn’t see down?” Logan asked, ignoring the silent glare coming from the trapped Anxiety.

“Oh those?” The Duke leaned in close enough that Logan could smell his foul breath. “Those are where the Darkest Sides live. The ones that give poor wittle Morality and Anxiety nightmares.” The Duke punctuated this by licking Anxiety’s cheek. “The ones that Deceit keeps under strict lock and key because even he’s afraid of letting them out.”

“Pride, Rage, and Malice,” Logan guessed.

“And me, of course.” The Duke dropped Anxiety in order to pose dramatically, arranging his tentacles around himself menacingly, but artistically.

Definitely Roman’s brother.

“But as I’m sure you know, Raerae, Octopi can fit through any opening they can get their beak through. All Deceit’s horses and all Morality’s men can’t keep me in the darkness forever. Every now and then, I get out and share all my fun ideas with Thomas.”

“Your ideas aren’t fun!” Anxiety hissed from the corner where he’d retreated to as soon as the Duke had released him. Logan noted his defensive stance, darkened eyeshadow, and involuntary hissing, and wondered if Anxiety’s animal traits were perhaps that of a racoon. “Now let us out!”

“Sorry, Tickle Me Emo,” the Duke giggled. He reached a tentacle out to open the door, but instead of the dimly lit hallway Logan and Anxiety had come from, beyond the door was pitch black. “I can’t open doors to the Dark Side unless someone lets me — like you did earlier when you knocked — but since Jay Jay the Jet Plane’s flown the coop, ~no one’s gonna come looking for you,~” the Duke advanced towards Anxiety, his posture and tone becoming less friendly and more menacing. “It’s just you, me, and Pigwidgeon here.”

~~~TO BE CONTINUED~~~

To be clear: Lust is a swan, Apathy is a sloth, Greed is a dragon, and Jealousy is monkey

Ten points if you guess Virgil’s animal traits

Twenty points if you guess what Pride, Malice, and Rage are

General Taglist: @royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple

#sanders sides #ts sanders sides #logan sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #original dark sides #dark sides animal traits #ts dark sides #sanders sides fanfiction #fanfiction #thursday writes #my writing

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