#also there’s another version where he’s wearing makeup lol

[pomegranateruin]

experimenting with giving gale a purple cataract in his left eye because i’ve been obsessed with the orb messing with it after some time

[aswefindourwayback]

Sold to one direction 2013 (BAU's version)

Author's note: This is a literal joke and for fun and nostalgia. Also yes I know hazel eyes aren't completely green or anything but I've got limited emojis lol.

WC: 569

No warnings! Hope you guys enjoy!

You had just gotten home from a day at uni. 

You went to your room, covered in posters by bands like the smiths and radiohead. You weren’t like the other girls who had Taylor Swift and Harry Styles posters on their walls. You were… different. You were weird and quirky, so no one ever paid you any mind. 

You took off your beat up converse and put your hair in a messy bun. You looked in the mirror and analyzed the outfit you were wearing: a nirvana shirt, shorts, black knee high socks and a plaid flannel around your waist. 

All of a sudden your mom opened your door. “Mom, privacy? Knock next time.” 

“Oh you won’t have to worry about that. Pack your things.”

“What? Why? Are we moving?”

“I’m not. You are. We’ve sold you to pay for our trip to Bora Bora.”

With that, she walked out the door of your bedroom. 

Welp, you guess you have to start packing. 

After about an hour, you had all your things packed into 2 suitcases. You didn’t have much since you didn’t wear makeup and wore less girly clothes, unlike the other girls. 

You carried your stuff downstairs where you bumped into a tall, kind of broad build. You look up and are met with honey brown eyes. 

“Aaron Hotchner. Hotch. Is this all your stuff?”

“Y-yeah..” was all you were able to say. 

As this “Hotch” took your bags out to the car, you looked at your mom. 

“Bye Sweetie!” was all she said as she waved you goodbye with a smile plastered on her face. 

You walked out to the car and saw Hotch holding the car door open for you. 

“Prepare yourself to meet everyone.”

Everyone? Who’s everyone? What the hell is going on?

After a few hours of driving, you guys finally arrived at your destination which was…. An FBI building?!

“Woah mister, idk what kind of game this is but I haven’t done ANYTHING wrong. Okay I lied, one time I stole a pen from Jessica Anderson but that was because I really liked that pen and she stole my boyfriend but THAT’S IT. Oh my god I can’t believe I’ve already lied to the FBI. I SWEAR IM INNOCENT AND NONVIOLENT SIR IM SORRY.” you scream as you bury your face into your hands. 

“Are you done screaming?” says Hotch.

“Yup” you say, still hiding your face. 

“You’re not in trouble or anything.” You sit up straight and look at him, “I’m not?”

“No, this is where the team and I work. Come on, let’s go in.” The team?! What in the butt fuckery???

You guys walk into the building, towards the elevator and go up a few floors. 

When the doors open again, there’s another fucking glass door.

How many doors are there? Damn. 

“Most of the team are out at lunch but this…” he says walking towards a scrawny looking boy, not too far from your age, “is Dr. Spencer Reid. I think you two will get along well.”

Spencer begins to stand from his chair. 

He’s so tall he’s towering over you. It also doesn’t help that you are small and petite and fragile. 

His hazel orbs 🟢👄🟢 are staring into your soul. 

“Hi” he says giving you a smirk.😏 

“Hi” you say back.

Maybe getting sold by your family isn’t going to be so bad at all. 

[lunas-side-anime-blog]

Modern College Student/Gf Mikasa Ackerman Headcanons

Armin Version: Here Eren Version: Here

scary goth girl that everyone is too scared to talk to but secretly crushes on

psychology major bc I think she had a tough childhood and wants to better understand trauma / help others

somwhere in the middle between Armin and Erin when it comes to academics

like I don't think she is as intense about grades as Armin is, but I also don't think she's as laidback about school as Eren

moderately studies throughout the week, but it's just basic note taking and chapter reading, i don't think she's afraid to miss a few classes though if she feels like it

only really crams and does all-nighters right before an exam if she thinks she needs it

i think she wears men cologne and deodorant and it fits her soo well, idk how to describe it but she smells powerful but comforting at the same time?

maybe like woodsy with strong notes of vanilla and cashmere

loves a black cold brew: no creamer, foam or sugar like she's so intense that way

i think she's that one cool girl who always walks into class like a few minutes late with a hot resting bitch face, AirPods in and a cold brew in hand

tall girl and I think her height is prob her fave feature about herself, like I can see her wearing more heeled boots or platforms to exaggerate it

wears lots of black and hardly any makeup besides some light eyeliner most days

doesn't talk alot unless she fr knows you, i think most people would just hear her say "here" for attendenace and that's it

doesn't go to parties unless she has to

I think think she'll only go to watch eren and armin. she knows eren loves to go overboard and armin will most likely get distracted so she takes it upon herself to be the sober one watching everyone's drinks

def a girls girl like if she sees another female in an uncomfortable situation shes jumping in, no questions asked

i can see her working out with eren so in my mind shes ripped too and yeah...most guys don't fuck with her

has a cute lil skincare routine, only has like a three step process tho since I think she has naturally good skin

she secretly loves facemasks tho and doing her nails with armin as rewards for studying lol

I think out of the main three mikasa would have the most instagram followers, which is so funny bc she doesn't know why she's so popular?

I just think her aesthetic and vibe is very cool, if her account is set to public she would quickly get a lil following

lots of secret admires with this one, men and woman alike

I can see her being BI or Pan too so like that's very conveient

other than armin and eren, I think Mikasa would be besties with Yimir and Sasha

i can see them going to concerts together, shopping, late night drives, getting food (at sasha's demand lol) like i think they'd be a chill lil trio

views eren and armin as brother figures btw, gets grossed out when people ask if shes dating them

obviously a very protective friend

the type of freind whose like "what's their name" when you tell her you're seeing someone new and within an hour Mikasa will have an entire report on where they went to school, all their exes, hobbies, pets, address, ect.

I can see her getting a masters tbh, I def think armin would talk her into it so I think they would be grad school buddies while eren finishes his BA (he'll lag behind them a year or two since he changed his major so much anyway)

Loves cats and I think she'd have one or two if armin and eren are cool with it

I think she would have a few tatooes and piercings, but very subtle ones she can hide since I think as a psychologist she'd want to be taken seriously

music taste is kinda stuck in middle school tbh, still loves my chemical romance with a passion

I don't think she'd smoke weed or drink

^^ not that she has anything against it but i think she just hates the feeling of not being in complete control of herself so she stays away from things like that

never gets sick? it's actually medically fascinating

Overall she's that one quiet girl in class who looks scary but is a sweethear and everyon'es dying to be friends with

As your GF

omg I think she'd be the best significant other tbh

I think you would meet her in a meet-cute way since it's always the people who you least expect to be cheesy

I think maybe like you accidentally tripped and made her spill her coffee in class. you look up an see this tall, ripped, emo looking chick and you rush to apologise and give her your drink in hopes she doesn't flip

shes like "...ok." and takes it. but then the next class she randomly sits next to you and passes you a drink and is like ... "i hope i got your order right?"

the dork memorized your drink akjglalg

after that she kinda keeps sitting next to you and attempts small talk, so you realize she's actually v sweet and exchange socials

which is great bc I think mikasa is way better at flirting over text than in person and you'd quickly understand that she likes you

First date would probably be a show, i think she'd take you to a local band she likes and would get a quick bite after it

I think for second date she'd like you to choose what you guys do and then third she chooses, you guys switch bc she's all about that equal effort

once you agree to be her s/o she'd gonna be so annoying on social media like she's def gonna loose some followers as she only posts you now

type of partner to notice the smallest changes in you right away

you give her a peck and shes like "why aren't you wearing your usual lip balm? do you not like strawberries anymore?"

in bed she's a dom, is that even a queston?

I think she's actually a brat tamer, in my head rn she gets a lil smirk when you act up and i think she just mentally notes what to punish you for later

mikasa views sex toys as allies not enemies, and yeah i think she has an impressive collection so buckle tf up

okay so she's kinda yandere (tbh i think most ppl from the aot universe are but esp mikasa) I think shes very protective and a touch paranoid?

like i think her past is kinda messed up and I can see her mind running wild with ideas if not reassured

so you can just oversleep for a bit and you'll wake up to mikasa practically breaking into your apartment to make sure you're okay bc you suddenly went silent on her

some trust issues too, would def be really upset if you didn't give her the passcode to your phone

doesn't like your friends or anyone else you talk to tbh, she just doesn't think anyone else has your back like she does and will always remind you

i also know her manipulation skill is cray being a psych major, I don't think she's as good as Armin but ik she can weaponize some therapy speak and make you feel a lil stupid (only does it for your own good she says)

doesn't get jealous but does get even

I can see the little shit putting thumbtacks in pockets or laxitives in drinks if someone dares flirt with you, she can be so evil sometimes i just know it

she isn't even scared of the aftermath bc she knows eren and armin have her back so she wants the smoke tbh

the type of partner to death stare someone from behind your back but when you turn around she's suddenly all :)

would love matching tattoos with you if you're down

think she'll be the quickest to bring up marriage too, porbably only a few months of dating and she's like "so when we get married-" and you're like "!?"

big spoon gf, you can be bigger than her and she don't gaf she's still holding you not the other way around

Overall a really sweet girlfriend who just wants to protect you and keep you all to herself

Can be a lil crazy at times, but she means well I swear !!!

Nicknames for you: love, my other half, wifey/hubbie

Songs that fit the vibe: The Perfect Girl by Mareux, Breezeblocks by Alt-J, Me and Your Mama by Childish Gambino

"You're such a strange girl, the way you look like you do."

"She's morphine, queen of my vaccine, my love, my love, love..."

"Girl you really got a hold on me, so this isn't just puppy love"

(She's so hot omg I love her, i developed a lil crush writing this! Anyway srry the moodboard didn't include couple stuff, girlfriend aesthetics are way harder to find than bf aesthetics and the ones I did find looked nothing like her :( tell me if you guys like this series, totally open to doing more characters! not even just from aot, i also kinda wanna do demon slayer or hxh, also love jjk and chainsaw man but I didn't read those mangas yet so I may not be the best at it!!)

[gaiuskamilah]

It just occurred to me that I don't even know your Blades MC's name. This is unacceptable. Care to share the name and lore? 🌹

hi caro!! i actually have... six mcs. one for each LI, because i like them all so much HAHGJFHDJSGHFDJG

i have a post for here for marya moonglory (nia-romancing), probably my favorite blades mc because i'm most invested in her. i also have one here for eva, but it's super outdated and i've switched her from tyril to valax.

the one i've posted about lately is lawod nagoni (he/him), my new(er) tyril-mancing mc! same backstory as with canon orc mc, except that he's a butcher. he likes to make crude jokes ("come to my shop and watch me BEAT MY MEAT!!" kind of stuff) and it makes kade want to die, but he loves lawod anyway lol. generally very outgoing, loves to tease tyril. he's really interested about his heritage and orc culture so finding imtura and knowing which clan he's from meant a lot!

he got his tattoos done at flotilla just before the battle with the ash empress, as a symbol of his achievements and experience (:

next is elyon (she/her), my imtura-mancing mc. i'm not a big fan of the parnassus backstory for the human!mc so in my mind she's just another person from riverbend. i don't have much for her yet but one thing is that she is extremely talented with magic, just right below nia in terms of strength. also enjoys sailing a lot more than she expected to, which makes her imtura's perfect companion lol.

there's also lakan nagoni (he/they), romancing mal. mostly kept the canon background for them with the exception that they're a performer, kind of like whatever equivalent of a drag artist is in morella lol. i like the canon idea that while orcs are less likely to have magical affinity, those who do are way more powerful than humans and elves, so lakan is also a proficient magic user. he's principled and has a bit of a temper sometimes.

they're also more feminine!! second pic is an abandoned wip - he's wearing the fem version of the port parnassus outfit. he's besties with nia and they do each other's hair and makeup a lot. imtura doesn't really understand it.

finally i have varda rainbearer (she/her) - romancing aerin, but in a version where aerin's a woman because i like the idea of aerin being a girl LOL. still working on her story but the gist is that she's the last surviving member of house rainbearer, a house that was exiled from undermount (post-elven empire) because of an interest in learning what the hell is going on with shadow magic and the whole light-shadow divide. following canon mc backstory, she ended up in riverbend.

she prefers to utilize magic the way orcs do - in communion with the elements and focused on weather manipulation. tends to use her magic to keep her hair in place and tyril's like :/

...and that was long af. HAHJFGDHSGJFDHGJ

[rainaaaarainbowsssss]

Ella folks! Yes I’m a fan of helluva boss. These are just my own headcanons of mainly Moxxie and Millie. So let’s start!

First of all some people think Moxxie’s pants aren’t pants but his nattualy legs and I love that. Knowing Moxxie- wait no paints so did he. made his suit as a dress. This is my own headcanons because I don’t think Moxxie is non cis.

If you don’t know Moxie is the actually name but him adding another x could be his way of being cute with Millie. It also could be his way of being free of his dad. Since his dad was evil, bad dad and a mafia boss.

But if Moxxie is non cis it explains Millie being over protective, Sallie is Millie’s older sister who a transgender woman. Even Sallie being older I can imagine Millie had to be a older sister to Sallies because she trans and probably got hurt a lot.

If Moxxie being non cis is true could explain his mom and even Millie. Maybe Moxxie is non cis and his mom could of been allowing Moxxie being his self and even girly.

AlsoI can see Millie being okay with Moxxie being non cis becaus she loves him no matter what but also Millie is bisexual.

This is my headcanons on Moxxie’s true gender.

Demiboy so he/them

Bigender so he/she

Non binary so they/them

Oe even gender-fluid or a trans fem woman. I can see Moxxie being more demiboy where he still is a boy but non cis. Makes sense why Moxxie is okay wearing women clothing and makeup.

Again this is my version of Moxxie and Millie, I now want to make them into fan Oc’s. There go my brain, lol.

[they-them-that]

Ranking Precure seasons purely on design and concept because I'm up early anyways (least favourite to most) Part 1.

18. Happiness Charge Precure

They're magical girl outfits have the least distinctive personalities with only minor differences from each other. I understand they were going for a Sailor Moon idea with a uniform style but the appearance of the outfits are very underwhelming to me. They're plain even for just overall magical girls, tbh.

17. Doki Doki Precure

It's mostly the hair that throws me off. It's a mixture of normal strands to big blobs. I wish they committed to the stylized hair and got rid of the fringes or else I'm stuck trying to understand how Cure Rosetta's pigtails work that would still make her bangs possible.

I like the overall drop-down dresses but its mismatched appearance feels like a bombardment of layers and shapes that don't mix harmoniously. I wouldn't be against an asymmetrical style if this Precure was heavily alternative but it ends up clashing with the cutesy atmosphere instead.

16. Precure Splash Star

This one is victim to being the first new precures after the original where they barely changed it up. It just ends up being the lesser version of the classic that made itself impossible to not make comparisons.

I do like the idea of Cure Egret's first outfit that lost its uniqueness in the new one just to match with Cure Bright. Cure Bright's outfit does upgrade as the greens in her old outfit didn't match her but it's nice they maintained green as an accent for her new one!

15. Healin' Good Precure

The designs are lovely and elegant, theres nothing inherently wrong with it but it's visually weak compared to its predecessors and descendants. I don't have much to say because there's just not much to say about it, to be honest. It's just kind of generic.

14. Smile Precure

I love the wild and creative hairstyles and the hair wings but that is really the only unique visual aspect to Smile. Also questionable transformation tool that markets wearing makeup to young girls which I know isn't new but still feels patriarchal and groomy. 😅

13. Soaring Sky! Precure

I have mixed feelings. I really dig Cure Sky's design and it's cool for the protagonist to be blue this time! I'm not into the puffy arm bands but the cape adds so much flare! Cure Prisms' softer design bounces off Cure Sky nicely and she looks great!

The other too... I despise honestly lol. It's cool we finally get a boy Precure as a part of the pack and that he isn't stereotypically masculine but his hair and outfit feels so unflattering. Cure Butterfly's outfit has the same issue with Doki Doki Precure and the merged arm sleeves are unsettling to me.

12. Delicious Party Precure

The style is meant to have festival vibes with traditional design elements which is a cool idea! It's a fun burst of colours with a cohesive theme but it doesn't stick in my mind. I wish all the girls leaned more into the cultural aesthetics but besides Cure Yum Yum (who I think is one of the best Precure Designs overall), they're mostly Victorian-esque which should've been unique to Cure Finale. Speaking of her, although I like her design, I also have a gripe with the blonde hair and blue eyes because it feels Eurocentric. And when her normal appearance is dark haired, she honestly feels white washed to me...

11. Tropical Rouge Precure

I love the designs and they gave such a unique concept, I just don't end up feeling strongly about this series. The designs feel a bit busy to me although I do love that Cure Summer isn't predominantly pink. She has a very unique look but other than her, everyone just feels like another iteration of past precures.

10. Suite Precure

Cure Melody and Cure Rythm slay, their designs are perfect! I love the music concept and their appearance bounce off each other just as well as Cure Black and Cure White did. The other girls ruin the cohesion for me, tbh and I don't really like their outfits. 🫤

[zoe-oneesama]

How did you feel about Queen Banana? (If I’m being honest Chloe made me angry in that episode)

I'll kind of go in a Stream-of-Consciousness style: The episode by itself I really liked so I'll start with what I liked. Chloe was hella annoying but it's not anything new - if anything it was like being Season 1 again, which is the version of Chloe I've always liked (in that like to hate way). Particularly in the akuma fight, I think the VAs went really hard and the animation on Queen Banana was funny and over the top, I loved it.

Adrien coming to tell Chloe she should be the one to apologize was *chef's kiss*. Glad to see that some of that "she'll never change" nonsense from the end of Despair Bear is wearing off and he's standing up for his friends. It's an important lesson for him to learn that yeah, sometimes standing up for what's right might cost you but it shouldn't stop you from doing the right thing. This is a good step forward. Additionally I love seeing a bit of Andre's spine too. Now just extend that to how Chloe treats people who aren't in your family...

The banana thing was shoehorned in the beginning, but honestly, I was here for the banana ride all the way to the banana end once it was there.

They really put all the effort into Zoé and Mylene's makeup, but still put them in painter smocks and called them "capes", huh? lol, but that make up was F I R E 🔥

It's nice to have actual proof that the Magic Charms are working against reakumatizations instead of them just saying it does. Lol, even Marinette seemed surprised.

Vesperia kicked ass. That is all.

Now what I'm concerned about/didn't like:

I don't like Chloe's hair down. It looks like Laurie from That 70's Show.

I'm seeing a concerning amount of parallels between Zoé and old Marinette (Marinette before she got the earrings). My feelings about it really depend on what they do with this: are they going to have Marinette see Zoé have the same self-destructive behaviors that she does and realize that actually she doesn't deserve to have the bad end of the stick and needs to treat herself nicer? Or is Marinette going to give Zoé confidence and "heal" her trauma with absolutely zero self awareness?

Also with Zoé, I see a strange amount of parallels with Lila. This also goes with Sole Crusher, but she did come in lying about who she is, but because she does it with self-defensive intentions it's okay? It's to the point where I can't tell if her ending speech in Queen Banana where she mirrors her movie lines about "loving you even if the world hates you" was genuine or just part of her manipulation to trick Chloe into taking the Magic Charm. If it's genuine, then this is going to be Zoé "redeeming" Chloe (which is it's own can of worms) and if it was part of her trick, that means she's lying. I would assume this is nuance, but in this series, I can't be sure if this intentional or an accidental mixed message.

And about that little speech at the end...I probably would be less up in the air about it if they didn't have Tikki come in to convieniently say "maybe now Chloe'll learn to be better". Um, haven't we done this song and dance before? Am I supposed to take this seriously now?! Is this another tease or are they actually going to pull through with it this time? I have nO IDEA!

Ultimately, I take Tikki's quip more as "if Chloe doesn't change after this she has no one to blame but herself."

[leossmoonn]

Waiting for This [Damon Salvatore]

masterlist

pairing - damon salvatore x fem!vampire!reader 

type - fluff, smut

note - hey, guys! this was a request. i had a lot of fun writing this, enjoy! i decided to make you a vampire :) elena is a little more bratty in this lol. also you are pretty sober when you two start doing stuff, i felt uncomfortable writing two drunk people have sex, even if they’re adults lol

summary - you and damon are best friends and one night after drinking, you two hook up. 

warnings - smut (sex, oral receiving, choking kink, praise kink, you and damon domming each other lol. this is getting hot and heavy luvs), language, frisky language lol, alcohol, you being a funny and sensitive drunk

————

*gif isn’t mine* 

You strutted into The Grill, black ripped jeans on, a dark red, spaghetti-strapped blouse tucked into the jeans, and your hair blown out and voluminous. Your red painted lips were upturned into a smirk, eyes covered by your black sunglasses. 

Heads easily turned at the sight of you. Men and women’s mouths opened, catching flies. You looked around to see if you could spot your group of friends. You looked to see them playing pool. 

You had just moved here two weeks ago. You were getting tired of living in Chicago, since you had been living there for the past 10 years. Being a vampire, you usually stayed in a place for a decade or so before people noticed you weren't getting any older. You usually started at a place at 15 years old, using makeup and clothing to make yourself look younger since you were and have been 20 for a little over 2 centuries. 

You had decided to go to Mystic Falls, Virginia since there were rumours of other vampires here. You thought you might be able to see you friends, but you sadly didn’t. Instead, you found the infamous Salvatore brothers. The ones that one of your friends, Katherine Pierce, talked about. Katherine, sadly, was gone and was running from the Original hybrid, Klaus. You missed her, but you knew you would see her again soon. 

On your first day in Mystic Falls, you had gotten the attention of a petite, cute blonde named Caroline Forbes. You actually ran into her first at the high school she and her friends went to. You were playing the new girl and Caroline had kindly partnered up with you. You had actually planned on using her as a snack, but she quickly threw you against the wall and was about to snap your neck when you apologized for mistaking her as a human. You explained you have been a vampire since 1796, being turned from Katherine as a favor for giving her shelter and a place to hide. You loved being a vampire and you wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

Next you met Elena, who was a new vampire, and Bonnie Bennet who was a witch and descendent of one of your old friends, Emily Bennet. Bonnie and you quickly became friends, too. You showing her the good side of being a vampire and that you weren’t all looking for trouble. 

Then, you met Stefan Salvatore. He was cute, like Katherine had mentioned. He also was helplessly in love with Elena, but they sadly had broken up a few weeks before you came. Now, Elena was pining over someone else, which led you to Damon Salvatore. 

Sexy, funny, and basically the male version of you, so Bonnie and Caroline say. Damon and you had a fun. playful relationship. You two acted like you hated each other because you were so alike, but also teasing each other to the point where you two are horny and face’s are red like firetrucks.

You had a huge ass crush on Damon. You couldn’t help it. From the first time you saw him, you fell in love. Yet, the last two weeks have just consisted of friendship for you. You wanted him so bad, but you couldn’t work up the nerve to kiss him, which was funny since you always seemed so confident. 

Elena was also head over heels for him, too, which pissed you off. Elena and you kept it pretty civil, but the way she looked at Damon made you want to snap her neck and kill her, but to your dismay, she was already dead and Stefan would never let you close enough to stake her. Like right now while they were playing pool, she was making goo-goo eyes at him. 

You rolled your eyes and took off your sunglasses, putting them in your back pocket.

“Wow, you desperate for attention or something? Can’t compel guys to screw you?” Elena blurted as you walked towards them. 

You raised your brows in amusement, smiling with it. “Wow, someone so jealous that they have to insult another woman?” 

Elena pouted and moved back, embarrassed. 

“She’s a new vampire, her emotions are still amplified and she’s learning to control it,” Stefan stuck up for her. 

“Stefan, don’t stick up for her. She's been a vampire for like, a month, according to you all. She should be able to control her emotions by now,” you said and moved next too Damon, who was looking you up and down. 

I personally like Y/n’s outfit,” Damon smirked. 

You blushed but looked down to hide your face. 

“Damon, you like anything walking with skin showing,” Stefan scoffed. 

You frowned at him. 

“I happen to like Y/n’s outfit, too. Really cute and sexy,” Caroline smiled. 

You smiled back at her. “Thank you. I’ll let you borrow my top sometime. Whenever Tyler comes back, you can wear it.” Caroline jumped up and down in excitement. You chuckled and grabbed a pool cute.

You went next to Damon, purposely brushing your arm on his. Butterflies shot down from your stomach to your core. Your skin tingled at the contact. Your eyes met with Damon’s icy blue ones. You felt heat gather between your thighs, and you looked away before your legs could give out from under you. 

“Something wrong, L/n?” Damon asked in a low tone. 

“Nope,” you breathed in. 

You made eye contact with Caroline, who was smirking at you, noticing the heavy sexual tension between you two. You ignored their stares and racked the balls. You took a shot and smiled triumphantly as an orange solid ball went into one of the holes. 

“Good one, L/n!” Damon smiled and shoved you to the side gently. 

You scoffed playfully, poking him with a the pool cue. He took a shot and go no balls in.

“Looks like you’re going down, Salvatore,” you laughed.”

“Shut up, L/n.”

You smirked, taking your turn. You got 2 balls in again. You fist-pumped Stefan as you and him enjoyed watching Damon be defeated. Stefan liked it because he currently was fighting with Damon. You liked it because Damon teased you and the annoyed/angry look on his face was so hot. 

“God, I’m gonna slam you against the wall if you keep up your streak,” Damon muttered in annoyance. 

Your stomach did cartwheels again as you imagined in slamming you against the wall. His hand on your neck, choking you, making your eyes roll in the back of your head. His free hand roaming your body and-

“Y/n? You good there?” Caroline’s voice interrupted your daydreaming. 

Your head snapped to her and your face flushed. “I-I’m fine.”

You saw Damon smirk in the corner of your eye. You looked at him and glared. “Shove it, Damon.”

“Oh, I’ll shove it in you, all right,” Damon smiled. 

“Woah, that's a new one. Working on your one-liners? Hoping to get laid, Salvatore?” You teased back.

“Not by your ass,” Damon scoffed quickly. 

“Hm, I wouldn't do you either. Who knows how many girls you've been with in your 170 plus years,” you said, bumping your hip with his to get him out of the way. 

“We are gonna go to the bar, want anything?” Caroline asked, obviously wanting to get away from you and Damon’s inappropriate jokes. 

“A round of shots!” You ordered. 

“For you and Damon?” Caroline asked, surprised.  “Yep. Winner gets to plan out the next mission to kill Klaus. Alcohol makes playing pool a lot harder,” you said, looking back and smiling at Damon.

He smiled back at you. A friendly, sweet smile. He couldn’t help it, even though he was teasing you and being playfully rude to you a few minutes ago. 

You were beautiful. Your ability to not give a shit about anyone’s opinions about you, being able to handle a joke, being secure in yourself. Joking around with him, sharing the same humor with him. The fact that you were literally drop dead gorgeous. Your perfect smile, your body that looked flattering in anything you wore - even big t-shirts and sweatpants. The way your eyes lit up when you got all excitedly, like now. You were just so perfect, it was unbelievable. 

You saw the way Damon was looking at you. Your smile got even wider and a blush arose on your cheeks. His pupils were dilated and a longing look replaced the mocking expression he had before. You looked away, looking to Caroline who was walking over with a tray of a dozen shots. 

“Thanks, Care,” you smiled and took the tray from her. You walked over to Damon and put the tray on a table nearby. 

“Alright, ready to lose, Salvatore?” You smirked and turned to Damon, setting your hand on your hip suggestively. 

“I think you said win wrong,” Damon smiled at you. 

You grinned and gave him a shot. You two downed it easy and set the cups down. You walked back to the pool table, bending down and lining up your pool cue. You took your shot, the white ball hitting a purple solid, but not with enough force. You huffed, stepping back and letting Damon take the stand. 

“Looks like the alcohol has already affected your aim,” Damon smirked. 

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes. 

Damon took position and took his shot. He managed to get 3 striped balls in. Your jaw fell in amazement. Damon turned back to you, chuckling at your expression. He looked you in the eyes and did his signature smirk. As he held eye contact with you, your knees buckles. You yelped as you fell, reaching out for the pool table ledge, but it was too far. Instead of falling, though, you were caught by Damon. 

You fell against his chest, your head ending up on his shoulder. You gasped as he caught you at the last second, quickly looking up into his eyes. His blue eyes were already staring down at you. He was looking at you with that loving look again. You returned the look, trying to let him know with your eyes that you were in love with him. His arms tightened around you, his hands resting on the small of your back. His touch felt warm and made you feel protected. 

He pulled you back up on your feet, which made your foreheads touch. You felt his breath on your lips, begging you to kiss them. Damon’s right hand moved from your back to the bare skin on your arm. He ran his fingertips up and down, making your body hot. Your stomach flipped at his touch and how close you both were. Never once in these two weeks have you ever gotten this close to him. 

It felt nice. Your bodies fit with each other perfectly. You knew that you could stay in his arms forever, if ever given the chance. 

You looked back up to his eyes, seeing him still staring at you. Your eyes flickered down to his lips and back up to his eyes again, working up the nerve to make a move. But as soon as you felt ready enough, he pulled away, leaving you cold and lonely. 

“Let’s get back to the game. I’m interested in planning to kill Klaus,” Damon said and took his pool cue in his hands. 

You coughed awkwardly and nodded. You went over to the shots, taking two and downing them. You went back to the pool table, taking your pool cue that fell on the floor. You took your turn, hitting a ball in. Damon took his turn next. 

You two drank shots and played pool in silence. The air between you two was heavy and awkward. You didn’t try to look him in the eye, afraid you might burst into tears or kiss him, and him rejecting you. You thought he liked you, but apparently, you were wrong.

An hour and a half later, you were absolutely wasted. You were playing pool, drinking more alcohol than your body could probably hold. 

“Okay, I think it’s time for you to go home, Y/n,” Damon said. 

“Nu-uh,” you shook your head and stumbled. Damon caught you once again. 

You looked into his eyes, admiring the blue. “You have pretty eyes.”

Damon blushed lightly, but rolled his eyes to cover that fact. “Okay, Missy, I’ll drive you home.”

“Fine,” you huffed. You held onto his bicep, stumbling as you walked to the door. Your grip on his bicep had butterflies swarming in his chest. Damon sighed and stopped walking. He put his arm under your legs and your back and scooped you up. 

Your heart fluttered and you giggled as a verbal response. Damon smiled softly at your laugh, it making his heart happy. He carried you to your car and had you hand your keys over. He set you on your passenger seat and buckled you in. He went over to the driver’s seat. He drove you back home. 

“Let’s go, sweetheart,” Damon said and scooped your up again. You put you around around his neck and cuddled into his chest. 

Damon held you close to him and unlocked your front door. He walked you to your bedroom, laying you down on your bed. 

“I’ll get you some water and coffee, okay?” Damon said. You nodded. groaning and turning around. 

Damon chuckled and went into your kitchen. While he was getting your beverages, you decided to get up and change into pjs. You slowly took off your shoes and shimmied out of your jeans. You sat back down on your bed and took your top off. While you were throwing your shirt in your laundry basket, Damon came in. 

“Woah!” Damon exclaimed and quickly turned around.  “Damon?” You asked and stood up. You walked into him, still in your underwear. 

“Are you dressed?” Damon asked while breathing in deeply. His jeans got tighter as he thought about you sitting in your lingerie. 

“No,” you stated. “Well, get dressed then,” Damon scoffed. 

You frowned, “You don’t like my body?”

Damon’s eyes widened, but he stayed turned around. “No! I... this is weird, Y/n. We are friends.”

Tears clouded in your eyes. “I.. I thought you would like my body. I workout and my ex boyfriends say I look hot. Why don’t you think I look hot?”

Damon sighed and turned around slowly. He eyed your body quickly before going back up to your eyes. 

“Y/n, you’re gorgeous. With and without clothes. You are hot, trust me. Let’s just get you sobered up, okay?” Damon said. 

Your tears disappeared and you smiled. You nodded and turned around. Damon checked your backside out, taking a deep, hard breath. He walked over to your nightstand and put the water bottles and cup of coffee on it. 

You quickly got into shorts and a big t-shirt. You sat down on the bed, taking one of the water bottles and downing the water because of the dehydration you felt from the alcohol. Damon sat down next to you. 

“How come you’re not drunk?” You asked. 

“Because I didn’t drink as much as you,” Damon said. 

“Oh,” you pouted and took a sip of coffee. “Ew, it’s so bitter.”

“Well, you need strong, black coffee to wake you up a little,” Damon smiled. 

You grumbled in agreement and drank more coffee. You two sat in a comfortable silence until you felt a little more awake and a lot less drunk. 

“Vampires sober up fast,” you laughed. 

“Mhm and you happen to be one,” Damon smiled and booped your nose. 

You smacked his hand away playfully. He took your hand and did something that you never thought he would. He intertwined his fingers with yours. Your face flushed and you looked into his eyes for an answer. 

“Damon?” You asked. 

He put his other hand on your cheek, moving his head closer to your lips. You started to breathe heavily and your dead heart felt alive again.

Your brain couldn’t process what was happening. “Damon? Do you know what you’re doing?”

Damon smiled at you. “I know.”

His lips got closer to you and you head got fuzzy. “Damon, are you sure?” You wanted nothing more than to kiss him and have the greatest, hottest sex with him, but you after tonight’s events, you weren’t sure if he was doing this because he liked you, or it was in the moment.

“Yes, I’m sure. Now, be quiet so I can kiss you,” Damon said softly.

You felt giddy inside as Damon finally pressed his lips against yours. 

The kiss started out slow, hesitant, but passionate. You wrapped your arms around his neck, tangling your fingers in his hair. Your eyes fluttered and closed in pure bliss. Damon scooted more on the bed and you followed. 

You laid down on your pillow, Damon crawling up on top of you. You two never broke the kiss while you moved. Damon did once he got settled, though. He looked in your eyes, smiling. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” you breathed out. “Me, too,” Damon said and kissed you cheek and went down to your neck.

He sucked on the sweet spot below your ear, making you moan and buck your hips at his. You felt his bulge and smirked. 

You took ahold of his shoulders, flipping you two with your vampire speed. You straddled his waist, putting your core right over his bulge. Damon groaned as you grinded against him, diving your head down to his neck. You licked around his ear, making him shiver underneath you. 

“Y/n,” Damon moaned and gripped your hips. You smirked against his skin, kissing and sucking down his neck. You set your hips back on his thighs, putting your hands on the hem of his shirt, but he was already one step ahead of you. 

He took his shirt off, throwing it haphazardly on the floor. You grinned and ran your hands down his chest, going down again to kiss his chest and go down to the top of his jeans. 

Damon let out a growl as you licked his hip bone. Damon took ahold of you neck and flipped you around against. You let out a surprised moan, loving the feeling of his hand around your throat. He bent down to your ear and whispered, “I’m in charge here, okay?”

You looked into his eyes, feeling wetness pool between in your legs. You nodded fast, “Yes, sir.”

Damon smirked and kept his grip on your neck and made eye contact with you as his other hand went down to your breasts. His fingertips grazed your hard nipples, leaving you whining and squirming. Damon smirked, putting his hand over one of your breasts, needing it. He rolled your nipple in between his thumb and middle finger. You choked on your breath, the ache in your pussy becoming  worse and worse with every move he made. 

“Hm, Damon,” you sighed, your voicing coming out choked because of his hand that had a hold on your neck. He switched breasts, his hand that was on your neck let go, trailing down past your breasts and to your dripping pussy. 

Damon glided his fingers over your slit, going in slightly, groaning at the feeling. “So wet, baby. I’ve barley done anything.”

You let out a yearning whine, your back arching off the bed. Damon chuckled and slid his middle finger in, your eyes closing in bliss. 

“Look at me, princess,” Damon said in a low tone. Your opened your eyes, seeing Damon’s mouth just above your clit, his hand entering your pussy painfully slow. 

You watched with wide, lustful eyes as he entered two fingers into your pussy, attaching his lips to your clit. You let out a loud cry, your back arching off the bed. Damon fingered you, curling his fingers inside of you, finding your spot. As he did his first lick over your clit, your hands flew to his hair, pulling hard. 

“Damon!” You shouted in pleasure, bucking your hips up to his face. He smirked, putting his lips over your clit, sucking on it. You whimpered at this, shutting your eyes in ecstasy. 

Damon's free hand went up to your stomach, pushing you down on the bed. You whined, looking at him. You got more wet as you saw his bright blue eyes staring at you. He had this predatory look in them that sent you throwing your head back again. Your thighs moved in on his head, holding him in place as he worked wonders on your pussy. 

“Tastes good,” you heard him mutter. The vibrations of his words made the knot in your stomach build more. As Damon’s fingers moved into you and his tongue swirling around your clit, spelling out the alphabet, you felt yourself coming close. 

“Damon I-I-I,” you cried out, getting stuck on your words. Damon chuckled quietly, enjoying seeing you writhe under him. Heaven knows he’s dreamt about this from the day you two met. 

“Damon!” You moaned, feeling your orgasm wash over you. Damon ran his tongue over your clit one last time, making sure to suck on the sensitive bud with pressure. 

As you rode out your high, your back collapsed on the bed, your chest heaving up and down. You looked at Damon, a thin cover of sweat lining your forehead. Damon took his fingers out of your pussy, sucking off the remaining juices. He made deep eye contact with you. You felt your body become aroused again, your pussy becoming wet again. 

He took his fingers out of his mouth, looking all over your face. He went over your body, setting his hand on your cheek. He smiled as he admired you’re beauty. “You’re gorgeous, you know.”

You blushed and smiled big at him. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself, you know.”

Damon chuckled, “Thank you. Round two?”

You smirked and took ahold of his shoulders, flipping you two over. You settled your naked body over his lower stomach. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Damon smiled and went to take off his pants. You helped him, your eyes becoming wide with lust again as he took off his underwear, revealing his member. You licked your lips, knowing you had been dreaming about this time since forever. 

“Ready, princess?” Damon asked. 

You looked up at him, nodding. Damon put his hands on your hips, guiding your entrance to his cock. You slowly slid down, savouring the feeling of his cock stretching your walls out. You both let out deep, relieved moans. 

Damon kept his hands on your hips, gripping them as you started moving up and down. The slow-paced movement quickly ended as you were soon bouncing on his dick, your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself. You both were panting loudly, moans coming out of you every second. 

“Hm, Damon,” you groaned, biting your lip. Damon looked up at you, admiring the way your face was scrunched up in satisfaction. 

You two felt your orgasms build up. You both rode out your highs, you collapsed on him, pulling yourself off his dick. Damon put is arm around you, his lips pressing a sweet, loving kiss to your forehead. 

“Wow,” you breathed out once you calmed down. 

“Yeah, I know. I've been waiting for this since forever,” Damon said.

You chuckled, “Yeah, me too.”

Damon sighed contently. You buried your head in his chest. 

“Is this it for us?” You asked. 

“You wanna be more?” Damon asked. 

You looked up at him with a small smile. “Yeah. I would like to.”

Damon smiled back at you, planting a kiss on your lips. “Me, too.”

————

this is my last damon imagine guys. hope you enjoyed reading!

[felassan]

Mass Effect development insights and highlights from Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

This is the Mass Effect version of this post.

[In case you can’t read it the subtitle in the bottom left logo above is “Guardians of the Citadel”]

Note: Drug use is mentioned.

Cut for length.

Mass Effect 1

ME began its life in a vision document in fall 2003

Codenamed “SFX”

Conceived of by Casey Hudson and a core team from KotOR. Its genesis was the intention to create an epic sci-fi RPG in an original setting that BioWare owned (so they could have full creative control), and in a setting that was conceived of first and foremost as a video game

Initially players could control any squadmate, but they wanted it to be about Shep and for players to be focused on Shep being a battlefield commander, rather than on switching bodies

By the start of 2004 its story was shaping up. Initially humans landed on Mars in 2250 and discovered evidence of an ancient alien race and a powerful substance, Black Sand, which rapidly advanced tech to the point that FTL travel was possible. (My note: obviously now the Prothean artifacts on Mars & associated mass effect force tech enabled this in the final canon, but I wonder if aspects of the ‘Black Sand’ naming-type & powerful substance stuff was rolled into red sand from final canon) Humans were suddenly capable of travel to multiple star systems and made contact with a multitude of other species. At the start of the first game, these species together with humans had a fragile peace, with focus placed on the political center of the galaxy, a hub known as Star City, later renamed the Citadel

Multiplayer was a vision for the series as far back as 2003. The plan was for ME1, an Xbox exclusive at launch, to take advantage of the platform’s online components. Early designs saw players meeting in one of the central hubs to interact and trade items in their otherwise SP adventures

By 2006 it had the name ME and the story was more specific, with the theme of conflict between organic and synthetic lifeforms. The story’s scope now stretched across 3 games and included scope for full co-op MP

They tried to do MP in every game, discussing it from the get-go, but it always just fell by the wayside. “When you’re trying to build something that is a new IP, on a new platform, with a new engine, you’ve got to really focus on the core elements of the game.” 

The conversation system prototype was made in Jade Empire, and some of ME’s earliest writing was done in an old JE build. At first there was no conversation wheel. Paragon was “Friendly” and Renegade “Hostile”. In the prototype Shep was a silent unnamed Spectre. Many conversations in the prototype about the player’s choice in smuggling a weapon through Noveria made it into the game

In said prototype a merchant referred to themselves as “this one”, though the word hanar never appeared. The PC in it also had the option to end a conversation with “I should go”. In the prototype also, Harkin was voiced by Mark Meer

An early version of the Mako got used as the krogan truck in ME2

Early concepts of the Citadel were drawn in pencil by CH. A piece of concept art of its final design was painted based on a photo of a sculpture near Aswan, Egypt

As with any new IP naming it was a struggle. They put out a call to all staff for ideas, did polls, made a name generator that combined words that they liked in random ways and made pretend logos of ones they liked in Photoshop to see if they could make themselves love the name or find visual potential in it. (Some of these names are in the pic at the top of this post.) CH liked “Unearthed” as it was a reference to Prothean ruins dug up on Mars and humanity’s ascendance going away from Earth. They knew the game would have a central space station featuring prominently so some of the ideas were based on that - “The Citadel”, “The Optigon”, “The Oculon”. “Element” was another one they had in mind due to the rare substance in the game 

CH: “I was a big fan of John Harris’ book Mass, which had epic-scaled sci-fi ideas, so that was a word that came up often. Many of the names came from the idea that the IP featured a fifth fundamental physical force (in addition to the known four of gravitational, electromagnetic, strong nuclear and weak nuclear) so the word ‘effect’ came up pretty often.” Ultimately none of the ideas really felt right. One Monday morning they were going over the names and Greg Zeschuk said he had an idea on the weekend: “Mass Effect!” CH: “I said, ‘I don’t hate it’, which in the naming process is a high compliment. And it stuck!”

CH on Shep’s Prothean vision from the beacon: “It was hard to imagine how we would do this. CG was - and is - really expensive. Instead I wanted to try doing it through photography and video editing. So I went to a local grocery store and bought a few packages of the weirdest looking meat that I could find. Then I set up a little photoshoot in my basement, complete with some electronics parts and some red wine for juicyness.” He used these props to create a video sequence where the photos were rapidly cycled and blurred, along with production paintings, to create the scary vision an organic/machine experiment on the Protheans. These mashups were also used as inspiration for concept artists and level designers who were working on these themes

Tali used to be called Talsi

On the licensing side they often joke that they’re licensing N7 not “Mass Effect” due to N7′s popularity

There was a confidential internal guide to the IP in 2007 to help devs along and summarize/synthesize the vision etc. Some excerpts from it are shown in the book and this is the first time the public have ever seen them

Early versions of Asari had hair

Asari were designed as a nod to classic TV sci-fi (with human actors wearing obvious makeup and prosthetics to play aliens)

The turian design guideline was “we want them to be birds of prey”. They also wanted a range of alien types, some close to human like Asari, while others were to be a lot further away, like turians

BioWare patented the conversation wheel, which was a first for them. CH had been frustrated with reviews of Jade Empire that said that the actioncentric game was too wordy [with its list dialogue]. “I’m like, story is words. [...] What is it about our games that is making people feel like they’re wordy?” Then he thought “In a game you kind of need to feel like you’re continuing to play it. Maybe you should continue feeling like you’re playing it actively into the dialogue.” “[The wheel] kind of gave a new experience with dialogue when you did start to react based on emotion, and that’s ultimately what we’re trying to bring out in our games”

The original krogan concept was based on a bat “with a really wide squidgy face. We just used its face on top of this weird body and it kinda worked”

Geth musculature was based on fiber-optic cables, with flexible plates of armor attached

The vision for the IP was 80s sci-fi inspired space opera

The concept art of Saren lifting Shep by the throat inspired a similar scene in-game. The staging wasn’t planned til designers saw that art

A squadmate with Shepard on the way to meet Ash in an old storyboard was called Carter. Early name of Kaidan or Jenkins?

Bono from U2 was kinda instrumental in bringing us ME lol

Finding the right cover art for ME1 was notably tricky

Matt Rhodes got his start drawing helmets for ME1, including one which would become Shep’s “second face”. He estimates he drew between 250-270 different ones

Some of the sounds in-game were people smashing watermelons with sledgehammers and sticking fists into various goos

The audio team had fun trying to slip the iconic main theme into unexpected places throughout the MET. “We were very aware of how powerful that track was for the fans and it was tempting to overuse it for any moment we wanted to make really emotional”.

The theme was creatively repurposed in ME3: slowed down and reworked as the ambient sound for the SR-2. “If you listen to it for a really long time, just stand in the Normandy and listen, you’ll actually hear the notes change slowly. It doesn’t sound like music, it sounds like a background ambiance, but it’s there.” (My note: Well no wonder the Normandy feels so much like home?? 😭 sneaky..)

Bug report: “Mako Tornado”. There wasn’t enough friction between the tires and the ground, causing testers to lose control of the vehicle and send it spinning into the air like a tornado. “As it turns, the front end comes up, and then it starts spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning faster and faster and faster until it just flies up in the sky” (My note: Sounds like a regular day in the Mako to me)

Cerberus originally had a bigger role in this game. It was cut but they had a whole explorable outpost. “I called it Misery,” says Mac Walters, “It was this planet with a little outpost that said ‘Welcome to Misery’”. Everything on the outpost was shit - dirty worn stuff, no windows, no kitchen, the vehicle bay was open to the elements etc

The Reaper sound is literal garbage. Some audio designers went on a recording trip to a national park. One of them got fixated on a garbage can, “a metal bear-proof receptacle with a heavy lid that creaked horribly when opened”. “It was like, ominous, spooky, tonal and almost musical. I decided to throw a mic into the garbage and record it moving. I didn’t know what it was going to be until later”

They were making lots of noises to record like throwing logs and rocks around. An old couple peered at them through the window of their camper van in the woods and must have called the cops because then the cops showed up, pulled them over and told them to stop. The cops towed their car (the driver’s plates were Cali plates and expired), drove them to Edmonton outskirts and then the audio producer Shauna got a call and had to go pick them up “like three little boys”. “We got a stern talking to”. Once back they were playing around with the garbage sound, editing it etc. Casey heard it and proclaimed “That’s the sound of the Reapers”

Preston Watamaniuk: “There are things I could have done to Mass 1 to make it an infinitely better game with better UIs” and some simple cuts and changes. “But when you’re living with it, it’s very hard to see those things”

BioWare Labs

As social media and smartphone games exploded, BioWare dedicated a small team dedicated to exploring opportunities here - BioWare Labs

Mass Effect: Galaxy used a unique graphic art style and static visual presentation common in visual novels. It has the distinction of being the only iOS game BW have made during their first 25 years

Scrapped ideas were a 3rd person space shooter called Mass Effect: Corsair and 2 DA titles - a strategy game and a top-down dungeon crawler starring young Wynne. (My note: Maybe the corsairs stuff was rolled into Jacob’s backstory in 2, the Alliance Corsairs)

Corsair was a very short-lived project that never got its feet under it. It was a spin-off on Nintendo DS featuring a behind-the-ship perspective and branching dialogue. At one point it had MP. The idea behind it was basically “ME: Freelancer” - fly your ship around, do missions, get credits. It had a limited branching story but was a gameplay-centered experience intended to fill the gap between ME1 and 2. That gap ended up being filled by Galaxy

Galaxy and Corsair’s smaller screen allowed concept artists to use bold colors and a simplistic character design style to help those games stand out from Shep’s story

Nick Thornborrow did some art for Corsair but was worried his art style didn’t fit ME. He moved to DA where he feels his art style fits better

Lots of BioWare VAs and even a lead writer and the VO director are drawn from Edmonton’s local community theater scene, which is vibrant. Think this is how Mark Meer got involved

Mass Effect 2

Player choices carrying over was a first for BW

Dirty Dozen-inspired plot

Its plot is a web of conditionals (see Suicide Mission)

Was more of a shooter than anything BW had made since Shattered Steel

There was 2 camps on the team, those who wanted to push combat and systems forward and redefine the ME experience and those who wanted to make a true sequel, with the same gameplay and systems but a new story. Karin Weekes: “I think it ended up being a good push-pull. It felt like a pretty healthy creative conflict”

“ME2 was a game you could hold up to someone who argues that games aren’t a serious medium and go ‘Oh yeah, then why is Martin Sheen in this?’” Sheen was their first pick for TIM

The idea for TIM came from a mash-up of concepts CH had collected over the years. The name “Illusive” originally came from his pitch for naming DAO’s Eclipse engine, a word inspired by Obi-Wan’s line “It’s not about the mission, Master. It’s something... elsewhere. Elusive”. “I thought, what if we called our next engine 'Elusive', but used an ‘I’, and then it’s like ‘Illusion’. [...] I still really like the word with an ‘I’ and what it conjures”

When ME1 DLC was in production, CH had been watching a lot of CNN, specifically Anderson Cooper. “How is one guy travelling to all these places and never looking tired and always being able to speak with clarity?” CH says it seemed almost superhuman. “What if there was someone who is the absolute maximum of the things you would aspire to be, but also the worst of humanity?” Cooper, though not evil, became an inspiration for TIM down to the gray hair and piercing blue eyes

Inspiration for TIM’s behind-the-scenes role pulling political strings came from Jack Bauer’s brother Graem in 24. Graem “can call up the president and tell him what to do and hang up, because he’s so connected and so influential”. Sheen had played a president and his performance brought gravitas and wisdom to the role. He had quit smoking, but the character smokes. He didn’t want to fake it, but he also didn’t want to smoke, “so he actually asked for a cigarette” to hold so he could stop his words to take drags with natural cadence

Writing was still pushing to write and revise lines hours before VO started. A series of problems like injury and some writers leaving for other opportunities left it so that Karin, Lukas Kristjanson and editor Cookie Everman hand to land the story safely, with PW helping where they could. Lukas: “We took over the writing bug and task list, and I can’t stress enough how much [Karin and Cookie] did to get ME2 out the door. There’s no part of that thing we didn’t touch”. Karin: “That was the most dramatic 2 weeks of my life”

Initial fan reaction when they started promo-ing ME2 was very negative because people didn’t want to know about new chars like Jack and Mordin. “[fans were like] ‘Get them out of here. We want our characters from the first game’. But then when they played them, those became some of the most popular chars [of the series]”

Concept art of Thane has an idea annotation saying “Face can shapeshift?”

At one point when designing Thane concept artists sent multiple variations of him to the team asking them to vote on which was the most attractive

Most of the Normandy crew was written by lead level designer Dusty Everman. Lukas gave him advice in the evenings between bugs

BioWare Montreal made ME2 and 3 cinematics

CC for Shep was based on tools used by char designers to create in-game chars. Under the hood similar tools existed to create aliens

Aliens were much easier to animate than humans. When something is human it’s very difficult to make it look realistic and you can see all the mistakes and everything

Over the holiday period in 2007 CH worked out a diagram on a single piece of paper that would define the entire scope and structure of the game. The diagram is included in the book

Bug report: “I shot a krogan so hard that his textures fell off”. At one point shotgun blast damage was applied to each of the pellets fired, and shot enemies ended up with just the default checkerboard Unreal texture on them after their textures got blown off

Blasto was meant to be 1 step above an Easter egg but his fan popularity prompted them to bring him back in ME3

They rewrote chunks of Jack 2 days before she went to VO. She was the only one they could change because all the other NPCs were recorded. They redesigned her mission by juggling locked NPC lines and changing Shep’s reactions by rewriting text paraphrases to change the context of the already-recorded VO

Lukas snuck obscure nods ito ME2′s distress calls. In the general distress call for the Hugo Gernsback, there’s BW’s initial’s and Edmonton’s phone number backwards. In a fault in a beacon protocol there’s the initials and backward phone number from Tommy Tutone’s “Jenny”. In 2 other general distress calls there’s initials and numbers from Glenn Miller Orchestra’s “Pennsylvania 6-5000″ and initials and numbers from Geddy Lee and Rush’s “2112″ respectively 

Mass Effect 3

“The end of an era marks the beginning of another”

ME3 “marked the end of Shep’s story”

Saying bye to Shep was as difficult for devs as it was for players

JHale’s final VO session included Anderson’s death and romanced Garrus’ goodbye. “We were in the session and we both just started crying”, Caroline says. “I couldn’t come on the line to give her notes because I was crying, and she was crying. And so there was just this minute-long pause of like, nothing, nothing, nothing - just silence through the airwaves. And then I came on and just told her that I was crying and she said ‘I’m crying!’” They talked about these anecdotes also here on the N7 Day reunion panel

The Microsoft Kinect voice support required devs to teach Kinect hundreds of commands in a variety of accents across multiple languages. The result was useful but made for some awkward moments. Numerous players accidentally said “geth” or “quarian” while making a particular decision and accidentally killed Tali

MP chars were voiced by cops and military people

The helmet on one of the MP chars was originally designed for cancelled project Revolver

The payload device at the end needed to attach to the Citadel while essentially serving as a giant trigger. “It ended up becoming quite the engineering feet just to visualize how this thing would move and connect to the Citadel”

Concept artists explored creating an anti-team, where Kai Leng was almost an anti-Shepard essentially, with an elite squad to counteract your team. This idea never went beyond concept phase

ME3 Special Edition was released on Nintendo Wii U exclusively. This exclusive version of the game includes Genesis 2 (a sequel to the original Genesis comic) and unique gameplay features that took advantage of the touchscreen GamePad. For years Sonic Chronicles: Dark Brotherhood had had the honor of being BW’s only game made for a Nintendo console

FemShep regrettably didn’t feature in major ME marketing til ME3. Later releases like DAI, MEA and Anthem have taken increasing care not to gender their protagonists in cover art

To capture combat sounds they took a trip to CFB Wainwright, a military base southeast of Edmonton. They got a big tour of it and were allowed to record anything they could find. The tour ended with them getting to drive and shoot tanks (real shells). The force of doing that sent waves through Joel Green, he felt his whole chest compress when it went off; the perfect sound for the Black Widow! After the trip the soldiers let him keep the shell he fired and it’s been passed on like a torch to various devs since

Kakliosaurs began life as a joke in the writers’ room after John Dombrow placed a Grunt figure on a t-rex toy he had on his desk. Lore was brainstormed to justify the mash-up before someone asked, “Why don’t we put this in the game?” They loved it so much Karin had custom coffee mugs made

Bug report: For a while Tali’s final romance scene would fire when she was supposed to be dead

“Balancing combat: how designers in ME3 entered an ‘arms race’” - the solution to players feeling OP vs players feeling frustrated by really strong enemies is to find a good middle ground, but for designers Corey Gaspur and Brenon Holmes, it was war. Brenon designed enemies, Corey designed guns. Corey “was obsessed with bigger, heavier guns. We had this sort of informal competition where he’d make this crazy overturned gun that would just murder all the enemies, and then I tuned some stuff up to compensate”

Brenon had to invent new ways to “stop Corey” and this led to the Phantoms. Corey had in turn designed consumable rockets that could wipe out entire waves of enemies. He must’ve figured this would make short work of Brenon’s space ninjas, but Brenon had other plans: “I had just added the ability for her to cut rockets [when Corey was playing MP and he was watching]. She cut the rocket in half... Corey just turns and looks at me and is like: ‘Really dude? I just shot a rocket at this Phantom and she’s fine? Not even damaged? Zero damage?’” 

This friendly rivalry helped elevate ME3′s gameplay. Corey had a knack for making a gun feel so good to fire it had his fellow designers scrambling to keep up. It was his version of balancing. Before Corey sadly passed away he mentored Boldwin Li in all things weapon design and the arms race continued

Corey designed the Arc Pistol. It was causing problems for enemies because it was too powerful. It seemed hell bent on staying that way, Boldwin would tune down all its stats and it was still doing 3x the damage it should have been doing. “I was like ‘What the hell?’, and then I looked closer. It secretly fired 3 bullets for every pull of the trigger! Corey, you sneaky jerk”

The day it launched there were midnight launch parties across North America including one near the BW building. Numerous devs sat at long tables greeting fans and signing autographs as the fans picked up preorders. When midnight struck the line was long enough that it took several hours for some fans to get their game. One particular fan is remembered: “It was 3am. Some guy drove up from Calgary with his friends. He was like one of the last people in line. I think he was sort of tired-drunk. He threw himself across the tables, pulled up his shirt and shouted ‘Guys, sign my abs!’ And like I did, because he waited so long. It felt impolite not to. So I hope he enjoyed his copy of ME3″

For designing Protheans concept artists had free reign to design something that read as ancient

Before the concept art team had the story of the game to work toward, they explored wild ideas of their own including an image of the crew stealing back the Normandy to go after the Reapers

Jen Cheverie was testing scenes and was initially excited to be testing Mordin scenes, til she saw she was testing the Renegade version of his death. “This is even before like all of the audio and everything was in, so you didn’t even have the sad music. I remember sitting at my desk and my hands just went to my face when I saw that the gun Shep pulls on Mordin is the gun he gives Shep in ME2. I burst into tears and was crying for the rest of the day. People are waving to me as they walk by and I’m like, ‘It’s ok, I’m just killing my best friend’” 

There’s a segment called “Shepard’s story ends”. Casey on the ending: “There’s a whole bunch of things that come together to make it incredibly tense and emotional for players. I think the biggest one was the sense of finality, that whatever it was that happened in that very last moment... was it.” 

Wrapping up the story was a massive feat. In a way all of ME3 is an ending. Its final moments were the players’ last with a char they’d been with all the way from Eden Prime

“And while the critical reception of the game was extremely positive, many fans were unsatisfied with the ending, which became one of the most controversial in the history of games.” CH: “We were, on one hand, at the end of a marathon trying to finish the game and the series. But as devs we also knew that there would be more. We knew that we would continue to tell the story. In retrospect, we didn’t fully appreciate the tremendous sense of finality that it would have for people”. He envisioned an ending that posed new questions, something in the tradition of high sci-fi that left players dreaming about what that particular galaxy’s future could hold. “Frankly, there’s a lot more that we could have and should have done to honor the work players put in, to give them a stronger sense of reward and closure”

AAA games are massive undertakings with a million moving parts. Somehow they come together but even the best-planned projects don’t turn out quite like devs hope. From start to end video game production is a series of compromises. It’s rare if not impossible for devs to ship a game they’re entirely happy with. “I think that people imagine that when you finish a game, it’s exactly the way you wanted it to be. But whether people end up loving or hating the final result, we work hard to finish it the best we can, knowing that there’s a lot we would have wanted to do better. I think that’s true of any creative work”

As the dust settled after the initial reaction to the ending and later its epilogue, meant to show the wide-reaching ripple effects of Shep’s final choice, “players emerged mostly asking for one thing”. CH: “Now, most of what we hear, after both ME3 and MEA, is ‘Hey, just go make more Mass Effect’. And that to me is the most important thing. Knowing that players want to return to the ME universe is what inspires us to press on and imagine what comes next”

Mass Effect: Andromeda

By creating a new ME in a new galaxy the team was challenged to put their own visual stamp on the game while keeping it true to the franchise

Being the first ME game on a new gen of consoles meant for more detail

“Massive transport ships called arks populated with salarians, turians, humans, asari and quarians” made the risky jump to the Cluster

MEA was the first time BW had truly codeveloped across 3 studios: Edmonton, Montreal and Austin. The bulk of the work especially early on was done in Montreal, which was composed of a handful of Edmonton expats and heaps of experienced devs who joined from elsewhere specifically to bring a new ME experience to life. Series vets in Edmonton then came on to contribute writing, cinematics, design and QA, along with leadership from creative director Mac Walters and the core Production team. Austin writers and level designers also joined the fray

“It took a new team to take ME beyond the Milky Way”

Mac: “A lot of people in Montreal joined BW as fans of the franchise, so they just had this passion, and it felt like it was more like the days of Jade Empire, where a smaller younger team gets to do something for the first time. Even though it wasn’t necessarily a new IP for me, it felt fresh and new because of that. The team was just super excited to be working on it”

Early plans had the player exploring hundreds of worlds, procedurally generated, allowing for a nearly infinite variety of experiences. But as development wore on, it became clear that the game narrative required more specific, hand-touched level design on each world to keep the story focused and the experience engaging. “The plan was to give players numerous uncharted worlds to explore. Designers worked hard to come up with procedural elements that would make such planets special. Eventually the team made the difficult decision to abandon procedural planets in favor of more memorable hand-touched alien worlds, each with a specific story to tell”

One challenge was defining what ME meant without Shep. Care was given to include many of the MET’s key species. “Ryder recruited turian, asari, krogan and salarian followers”. Like Shep Ryder represents humanity’s hope for a peaceful coexistence among aliens who had long operated without human contact

Beginning with MEA the team decided that with few exceptions vehicles in ME have 6 wheels. Early Nomad concepts were bulkier. Later ones focused on its ability to move over its ability to protect itself from hostile fire, underlining the themes of exploration

German concept designer and auto-motive futurist Daniel Simon was contracted to create the Nomad and Tempest. The Tempest’s final design took inspo from the Concorde 

Concepts for angaran fighter ships have the following notes: “Two doors swing open, wings rotate down to function as landing struts, the landing struts split open. It has a spinning turbine engine 

Despite being set a galaxy away and some 600 years after Mordin’s death, there was a time when he had a cameo. It wasn’t cut due to running out of time however, it was cut due to drug references. John Dombrow explains: “One day I had to write a small quest for Kadara. I thought it’d be amusing if these 2 guys living way out on the fringes in a shack were growing plants for uh, medicinal purposes, and needed Ryder’s help with it. It occurred to me, wouldn’t it be amusing if Ryder had the option of actually trying ‘the medicine’ to see what would happen? And I thought, what if it turned into some hallucination that somehow involved SAM - like maybe SAM would sing? But why? How could I motivate that? Then it hit me. Who else in the ME game sings unexpectedly? MORDIN. As a nod to him I wrote SAM singing Modern Major-General. It got even better when our cine designer John Ebenger wanted to take it even further. Bless him, he came in on a Saturday to do a special hallucination showing Mordin himself. It was great. Til the fateful day we were told MEA had already been submitted to the ratings board. That’s when you declare things like drug references in your game. Mordin fell under that category which meant it was a no-go. We were too late”

Ryder’s white AI armor contrasts Shep’s iconic dark armor (intentional design)

Concept art for Ryder involved experiments with cloth (cloaks, ponchos, capes - “Pull here to release cloak”) and asymmetrical design elements

For alien design, there’s a few exceptions but humanoid figures are the ME standard and this persisted into MEA

Kett and angara concepts explored striking lines and textures 

– From Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

[rivetgoth]

Yes!! Being a GNC trans man doesn’t = not passing. I hope it’s ok to rant about this for a bit lol I never get to talk about it. I came to realise a long time ago that when truscum/transmed/whatever they’re calling themselves now talked about “passing as men” they didn’t just mean passing as men, they meant “passing as the most boring cishet men with the most toxic masculinity ever” lol. I lurked on a lot of transmed accounts and they were telling trans kids that any kind of “feminine” fashion would make them not pass as guys.. like nail polish, colored hair, eyeliner etc. I was like do y’all not know emo cis men exist? Goth cis men exist? I just gave up trying to convince them that you could be GNC and still “pass as cis”/pass as a man if you wanted to. It does really make me sad that so many trans kids are holding themselves back. But I think seeing GNC men who are so unapologetic helps

Yeahhh it sucks I feel like a lot of trans guy spaces really end up pushing this idea that being trans means “transitioning into the most boring generic normie looking guy imaginable” and it’s just so crazy cuz plenty of cis dudes do not match up to the crazy strict standards that trans men impose on themselves and each other. I find it sad TBH cuz it definitely creates a cycle of self hate and repression, it’s really not a surprise that a lot of trans guys end up regurgitating just straight up incel rhetoric sayin shit about how a “real man would never XYZ.” I almost feel bad for them cuz like, I do get the fact that dysphoria and social pressure is really difficult to navigate, but fostering a culture where it’s praised and encouraged to sacrifice any sense of self in the name of passing just like… sucks.

I think there is a LOT of layers of this too, like the fact that many trans male spaces online IME are largely dominated by pre-everything guys or guys who are early into transition who are looking for passing advice and stuff, and realistically it IS hard if not impossible to be GNC and pass when you’re early in transition. Nothing wrong with that at all, it’s just the truth. Cis dudes are often mistaken as women if they have long hair, wear makeup, wear women’s clothing, etc, so of course a trans dude who hasn’t been able to physically transition at all is gonna have a hard time if he does the same… But then it escalates and builds from “having long hair as a pre-everything trans guy might make it hard to pass” to “no trans guy who’s actually dysphoric would ever be okay with having long hair” which is just a ridiculous fucking jump.

But on that note, while passing advice is great when it’s asked for, I also just fucking hate the idea that you have to sacrifice all sense of style to pass and that passing should be your ultimate goal. I mean, I get it. I want to pass. I’ve worked my ass off to pass and live full-time as a man. But I also think there needs to be some level of realization that 1. Transition has to partly be for YOU, not just how society might or might not view you. You will always be disappointed if you expect HRT or surgery to be a miracle cure to your dysphoria. 2. I know this gets said a lot in trans spaces but not everyone’s feelings about their own transition is the same. Someone can be horribly dysphoric but feel like having long hair is worth it because there is more than one facet to every human. Dysphoria can be one, self-expression that involves having long hair is another. And these might overlap in complex ways. It’s just… it’s not cut and dry. I actually have a LOT of thoughts about dysphoria as a diagnosis in general TBH, speaking as someone who is professionally diagnosed and totally identifies with being dysphoric/having gender dysphoria, but that’s wayyyy too huge of a subject. The short version is that I think the trans community does itself a disservice when it acts like gender dysphoria is something that can be perfectly defined rather than a tool used for medical insurances and a broad way of grouping together a series of experiences in order to get insurance to cover our medical needs. So naturally I think it’s silly when people do the whole “you wouldn’t do this if you were really dysphoric” thing.

I can have some pretty strong feelings about trans issues but I don’t think it really ever helps to play the “no trans person/no one with dysphoria would ever do XYZ” game. I cannot convey enough that the thing that made me become confident in my gender and made me find pride in being a man was letting go of my fear of not passing and instead embracing self-expression and prioritizing the style that I wanted to have. I told myself that the testosterone would catch up with me and eventually my body would be able to match the style I was putting it in, LOL, and it was so, so much better than putting my entire damn life on hold until I could transition. I know I keep saying it but transitioning should be about becoming a more authentic version OF YOURSELF! It should not be to become a fucking NPC.

If the especially judgmental trans dudes out there had seen me ~5 years ago they would have assumed I was a trender, despite the fact that my dysphoria and being closeted had been one of the most traumatic parts of my existence. But I had long hair and wore makeup and fem clothes and was pre-everything. But it was because I was finally actually looking at the men who actually inspired me. I was looking up to Nivek Ogre, Trent Reznor, Sean Brennan, Boy George, Steve Strange, Pete Burns, Chris Connelly, Paul Barker, Al Jourgensen… These were men whose expressions of masculinity were ones that actually resonated with me. And I could see a future for myself through them. And I wore fishnets and eyeliner and went out to the club and danced and made friends with the same exact community, the goth community, that down the line would help me pay for my top surgery and supported me during a time when I came incredibly close to suicide due to the reaction my family had to my transition. And at this point in my life I still have long hair and wear makeup and put on fem clothes and go and dance at the club in my fishnets and I have been on hormones for over 3 years and have gotten top surgery and live full-time out in the world as a man and I’m happier than I could literally ever have imagined.

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey steph!! This might be a specific ask but could u like recommend me some fic thats like slow burn, unresolved sexual tension, and some bottomlock. And please please please let it be long so that it hits the sweet spot of satisfying your fic needs but also not stupidly long. Also I love your blog

Hi Lovely!!

AHHHH I’m glad you enjoy!! I try my best, LOL. 

AHH I’ve SO MANY slow burn fics, it’s ridiculous, and I do have separate lists for bottomlock, so I can direct you to those.... BUT I DON’T HAVE A LIST FOR MY U.S.T. FICS YES. So can I do that??? Please??? ANY EXCUSE TO START A NEW LIST :| Hee hee. Forgive me??? 

AND as per usual, all my fics are in word-count order, so you can start at the bottom and work your way up, hee hee. CHEERS!

As usual, add your own, friends!!

First, here’s the lists you asked for:

Love Confessions / Slow Burn / Dev. Rel. (Fluff Version)

Falling In Love / Slow Burn / Dev. Rel. || [MOBILE POST] (April 2019)

Platonics & Domestics Pt 2 / Hugs, Cuddles & Kisses Pt. 3 / Tooth-Rotting Fluff Pt. 5 / Love Confessions, Slow Burn & Dev. Rel. Pt. 2 / Established Relationship Pt. 3

Slow Burn / Dev. Rel. / Falling in Love Pt. 3 (Nov. 2019) 

Slow Burn / Dev Rel. Pt. 4 (Apr 2020)

Bottomlock (April 2019)

Bottomlock Pt 2

And now, check out my UST/URT list :)

UNRESOLVED SEXUAL / ROMANTIC TENSION

The Other Shoe by thewaitwasworthitlove - (NR, 1,053 w., 1 Ch. || Pining Sherlock, Angst, URT, Post-TSo3) - Sherlock realizes how deep in love he has fallen for John. Only Sherlock Holmes would manage to be more shattered than crystal dropped on concrete.

Clarity by socomessnow (thoughtfulwishing) (NR, 1,283 w., 1 Ch. || Post-HLV, POV Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Tarmac Scene, Stream of Consciousness, URT, First Person Present Tense, Implied/Referenced Drug Use) - During-and-post-HLV piece tracking Sherlock’s thought process from his phone call with Mycroft to his return to the airfield. Part 1 of Rifts

Untouchable by greengrapegaze (T, 1,368 w., 1 Ch. || Pre-S3, UST/URT, Oblivious John, Lonely Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Emotional Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Pining Sherlock) – “He never would. Petty, childish, immature-bitter. Jealous. She had all that he wanted. All he could never have.” Part 1 of Steps to a Bittersweet Symphony

Love Hurts by Grac3 (T, 2,215 w., 1 Ch. || Magical Realism, Pining Sherlock, One-Sided Pining / URT, Sherlock / John Whump, Angst, Ambiguous Ending) – In a world where someone's physical injuries manifest themselves on the person who is in love with them, John didn't think that there would ever be anyone who was willing to risk falling in love with him - until he got shot on a case, and it didn't hurt. Unrequited Johnlock.

The Dance Lesson by bittergreens (G, 4,596 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3 Missing Scene, Dancing, Pining Sherlock, URT/UST, Romance, Angst, POV John) – Sherlock teaches John to dip. Part 1 of Goodnight, Vienna

There's Something Living in These Lines by teahigh (orphan_account) (M, 4,676 w., 1 Ch. || Mutual Pining, Love Letters, Angst, Mutual Pining, UST / URT, Dirty Talk) – Two men, complete opposites in almost every way, who speak only in letters and pages torn from books.

You Can't Always Get What You Want by hubblegleeflower (E, 4,804 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Sexual Tension, UST / RST, First Time) – John wants. He always has, but now that he's living with Sherlock again, it's all he can do to hold it back. And Sherlock isn't helping...

Wasted Hours by songlin (E, 4,973 w., 1 Ch. || Omegaverse || O!John/A!Sherlock, Pining, UST, Angst & Porn) – John is respectful. John keeps his distance. He doesn’t look at Sherlock when Sherlock decides trousers are for dull people. He doesn’t breathe in and savor it when Sherlock flings himself onto the couch first thing in the morning, wafting alpha scent, dressing gown settling around him in a cloud of blue silk. He doesn’t linger when he’s piecing Sherlock back together after a fight, even though he’s half-dressed and beautiful and right there. He can ignore it. He can control it.

Captain John Watson, Genetics, and Other Crazy Things by cyerus (M, 5,581 w., 1 Ch. || Torchwood Crossover ||  Humour / Crack, Jealous Sherlock, Sexual Magnet John, Captain John, UST / RST, Three Continents Watson) – The explanation for John "Three Continents" Watson? Jack Harkness is his father. Sherlock doesn't know whether he's going to die from jealousy or sexual frustration first.

No Light, No Light (in your bright blue eyes) by orphan_account (G, 5,915 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Pining, Songfic, Mutual Unrequited Love, Unresolved Tension, UST/URT) – Relates to both Sherlock's and John's feelings for each other and highlights select moments of hurt and inner turmoil starting from right before the fall all the way to HLV.

Drawstring by May_Shepard (E, 7,412 w., 1 Ch. || Post S3/TAB, Friends to Lovers, UST/RST, Fluff and Smut, Post-TAB, John POV, Sherlock’s Pyjamas, Rimming, Wanking) – John is bothered by Sherlock’s slowly-falling jim-jams… as in hot and bothered and he is trying to deal with a sexy dishevelled Sherlock while also keeping his pining in check.

High and Tight, Soft and Loose by cwb (E, 7,429 w., 1 Ch. || Jealous John, Miscommunications / Misunderstandings, First Kiss / Time, BAMF John, Insecure Sherlock, Clueless Sherlock, POV John, Embarrassed John, Adorable Sherlock, Junk Size, UST / RST) – John pressed the knuckle of his index finger against his mouth and sighed. “So, you're coiled like a spring and ready to be ... sprung?” “If you want to be pedestrian about it, yes.” “Like I said, you should do something about that.” “And like I said, pedestrian. What would you have me do? Take up jogging? Yoga? Oh! Unless you mean –” “I don't mean anything. Let’s drop it.”

Alone On the Water by Mad_Lori (G, 7,725 w., 1 Ch. || MCD, UST/URT, Angst, Euthanasia, Love Confessions) – Sherlock Holmes never expected to live a long life, but he never imagined that it would end like this.

All the Times Something ALMOST Happened by allonsys_girl (T, 9,049 w., 6 Ch. || POV Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Canon Compliant, Angst, Friendship/Love, UST) – John and Sherlock dancing around what they dance around in canon.

Someone I Love by hudders-and-hiddles (M, 10,002 w., 2 Ch. || Canon Compliant, HLV-Filler Fic, Pre-Slash, Jealous John, PIning Sherlock, Angst & Fluff, UST/URT, Dog Tags) – John gets married and Sherlock finds comfort in wearing John's identity tags around his wrist.

Ravish Me by amalnahurriyeh (E, 10,025 w., 1 Ch. || UST / RST, Makeup / Lipstick, Sympathetic Sally, Experiments, Pining John, First Kiss, Face Fucking / BJ’s, Cuddling) – Sherlock is experimenting with patterns of wear on lipstick in daily encounters. John is going to go insane.

Their Great Reward by BeautifulFiction (T, 10,095 w., 1 Ch. || UST, First Kiss, Fluff) – Boxing day, in John's opinions, is the worst day of the year. Christmas is over, the tree is wilting and stripped of gifts, and there's a week of dead-time until the clean slate of the new year. However the combination of a blizzard, a power-cut and Sherlock might just make it a day to remember.

The Five Stages of Mourning, Plus One by SunnyRea (T, 10,557 w., 1 Ch. || MCD, Pining / Grieving Sherlock, URT, Heavy Angst, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Drug Use, Graphic Death, Depression, Unhappy Ending) – Sherlock did not want this, did not want another stalemate with John in the middle, a gun in Jim's hand. This cannot have happened without a sign. There has to be something he missed anything which said today is the day I kill for real.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder by cypress_tree (E, 10,669 w., 1 Ch. || UST/RST, For an Experiment) – John helps Sherlock with an experiment: for an entire month, they are not allowed to touch each other and must remain at least one metre apart at all times.

I'm content as we are (but) by inqui (The_Circus) (E, 13,086 w., 1 Ch. || Jealous John, UST/RST, Pining, Victor Trevor, Minor Whump, First Kiss / Time, Misunderstandings) – In which John Watson sees something unusual, becomes jealous, and makes too much of a small thing as an old friend of Sherlock's shows up in the middle of a case.

Say For Me, Love by MirabileLectu (T, 13,147 w., 1 Ch. || UST, First Kiss, Drama, Pining John, Victor Trevor) – If you had asked John this morning what the result of his quiet afternoon at home would be, discovering a truth about Sherlock's past startling enough to shift the foundations of their friendship would not have been his first guess. So naturally, that was what was bound to happen.

Barricade by stitchy (M, 14,127 w., 1 Ch. || HLV Fix It, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending, UST, Mary’s Not Nice, First Time, Pining Sherlock, Time Skip Filler, Drunkenness) – Sherlock has been struggling to keep his feelings at bay for everyone's sake. Part 1 of Barricade

Second Chance by SilentAuror (E, 15,816 w., 1 Ch. || Post-HLV, Post-Divorce, Friends to Lovers, UST, Romance) – Now that John's divorce has gone through and the dust is settling, Sherlock thinks that he would very much like to see if there is any possibility of moving their friendship in another direction. The only thing is, he has no idea how to go about doing that...

Anytime by SilentAuror (E, 17,995 w., 1 Ch. || UST, Porn With Feels, POV Sherlock, Romance, UST/URT, Happy Ending, Drunken Endeavours) – Sherlock blinks and attempts to focus. There is a little too much vodka in his veins at the moment and it’s having an unfortunate effect on his brain and retinas both. There are two Johns sitting across from him, and both of them are frowning at him. “You’re drunk,” the Johns tell him. Sherlock blinks some more. “Says the man with Mrs Hudson’s doily on his head.”

John Watson doesn't have a Boyfriend by naughtyspirit (E, 18,932 w., 7 Ch. || UST / URT, Fluff & Smut, Voyeurism, Masturbation) – John's date has gone very well. Sherlock requires tea. John wishes he hadn't resolved that their relationship was strictly hands off and isn't about to address it. Unless he has to. Smut, fluff and shower time for a naked John Watson.

For you, there's only me by shock_blanket (E, 19,557 w., 7 Ch. || Jealous Idiots, Virgin Sherlock, UST/RST, Pining, Miscommunication, First Kiss / Time, Insecure Sherlock, Masturbation) – Sherlock realizes he has fallen in love with John, but believes he is unlovable. Cue lots of pining and jealousy on Sherlock's part, followed by our favorite cuddly marksman making it all better. Because for Sherlock, there's only John.

Love Is by SilentAuror (E, 21,508 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, UST / URT, Post HLV, Romance) – At Mrs Hudson’s urging, Sherlock finally decides to tell John how he feels about him. Part 1 of Love Is

Brief Conversations with the Woman by May_Shepard (E, 21,906 w., 20 Ch. || Pining, Love Fairy Irene, Filler Fic, UST/URT, Drug Use, Clueless Sherlock, Relationship Advice, Angst w/ Happy Ending) – Sherlock has a puzzle to solve, and his name is John Watson.

Sonatina in G Minor by SilentAuror (E, 22,574 w., 1 Ch. || Case Fic, POV Sherlock, Angst, UST, Sherlock’s Violin, Post-S3, Romance) – John has come back to Baker Street, but Sherlock doesn't understand the strange tension between them, even after he begins teaching John to play the violin at John's request.

Knotted by naughtyspirit (E, 23,166 w., 4 Ch. || UST/URT, Cuddling, Sharing Body Heat, Confessions, Kissing, Masturbation, Frustration, BAMF!John) – John has to cancel a date because of Sherlock's case, which leads them to be tied up in a basement from which they have to escape. They get wet, get tied up close and John has to step up and save them. Because he's pretty. And hot. And just a little bit of a BAMF.

Hellfire by testosterone_tea (E, 28,596 w., 9 Ch. || Fantasy / Magic / Mages / Elementals AU || Mage Sherlock, Elemental John, Developing Relationship, Torture, Powerful / BAMF John, POV Alternating, Dark / Blood Magic, UST, First Kiss) – Sherlock is a Mage that gets involved with a case involving Dark Summoning rituals, leading him to John Watson, a man with Berserker blood. The only thing is, Berserkers have been extinct for centuries. And of course, nothing involving Mycroft and his interfering ways is ever simple. This time, even Sherlock may have bitten off more than he can chew.

That Partitioning of the Things of Youth by wearitcounts (E, 35,353 w., 7 Ch. || Humour and Angst, Post-TRF, Fake Relationship, UST / RST, Friends to Lovers, Jealous John) – Victor Trevor is in town, and nobody's happy.

The Case of the Vanishing Pants by SwissMiss (E, 44,025 w., 6 Ch. || Five and Ones, Post-TRF, Case Fic, UST, Homophobia, Friends to Lovers, Pining John, Showering Together, Couple for a Case, Sherlock’s Bum, Fantasies, Jealous Sherlock) – Five times John and Sherlock lost their pants in the course of a case.

Wars We Fought, Things We're Not by blueink3 (M, 55,204 w., 10 Ch. || Post S3 / Post TAB, Parentlock, Fluff & Angst, Kidnapping, Whump, Post-TAB, UST/URT, 3G, Mild Peril, Slow Burn, Couple for a Case, Protective Mycroft, Infant Death Pre-Story, Friends to Lovers) –  Five months after John's world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for.

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w., 16 Ch. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because...new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride... prepare for blast off. Part 1 of SpaceBois go to Space

The Baker Street Nativity by SwissMiss (E, 99,662 w., 23 Ch. || Nativity! AU || Teacher Sherlock / TA John, Pining, Sherlock POV, UST, Angst, Christmas, Music/Song Fic, Anal / BJ’s, First Kiss / Time) – Fusion between Sherlock (BBC) and Nativity! (2009 movie starring Martin Freeman). Sherlock is a primary school teacher and John is assigned to be his classroom assistant. Together, they are charged with putting on the school's Nativity play. What could possibly go wrong? Part 1 of The Baker Street Nativity Verse

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w., 23 Ch. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Facial Shaving, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship's surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there's more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin' the eye, he has to choose... is it a pirate's life for him?

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E, 151,907 w., 19 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar / For a Case, Drugs, Pining, Case Fic, UST) – When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate's charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim?

[nova-is-a-writer-now]

FOOLS pt.4

[[Zuko x Reader]]

<- previous next ->

Summary: Zuko and Y/N had liked eachother for a while even though neither of them knew it. Y/N tries to get over her crush for him, failing miserably. So just when she decides to let go and embrace her feelings, the new Fire lord finds himself feeling jealous and decides to take matters into his own hands.

A/N: This took way longer to write than I expected it cause I found myself getting stuck a bunch of times. I also had so many wonderful people sending me asks and replying to the previous parts, I really didn’t want to disappoint them so I was super perfectionist with this one. It got a little long and VERY angsty (again, sorry) but I think it’s pretty good, next part might be the last one, and I’ll try to write it ASAP to not leave y’all hanging lol.

Side note: this part is dedicated to the nicest person ever @eternally-infinitely who sent me the cutest ask and actually inspired me a lot to finish this. Thank you so much for reading and for being so kind, lots and lots of love to you <3

Warning: Angst, but it’ll end well i promise, language

-IF YOU HAVE ANY REQUESTS DONT HESITATE TO ASK-

“Leave me here to die, Katara. I’m hopeless” you whined into your pillow. The curtains in your room were still closed, barely any light getting in.

“Y/N, you’re not dying, you’re not hopeless and I’m not letting you spend the entire day stuck in here alone. Zuko doesn’t deserve all this suffering, ok? You’re better than this. Now stand up, get ready and let’s go have our massages.” She said finally opening the curtains and pulling the blankets away from you.

“But-“

“Not a question.” Katara said walking out of your room.

You groaned loud enough for her to hear it from outside. Your eyes felt heavy, puffy and stiff from the tears that you’d let fall and dry the night before. Your head ached and for some reason you couldn’t get enough oxygen into your lungs. You felt the worst you’d felt in a while.

But wanting to avoid mom Katara’s reproaches, you put all that aside and made an outworldly effort to get out of bed and make yourself look as decent as you could.

Around twenty minutes later you were out of your room, heading to Katara and Suki’s. They both flashed a faint smile when they saw you.

“I look that bad, huh?” You said letting out a deep sigh

“Oh, no, no, no Y/N. You just look... tired. Did you get any sleep last night?” Suki asked.

“I’d be lying if I said I did” the worried look in your friend’s faces made you reconsider your words. “I’m fine you guys, I’m just being very dramatic. I’ll feel better after I get my massage, ok?”

Toph didn’t take much longer to arrive, rushing all of you to hurry up alredy. You had been ready for a while by then, but internally wished Katara and Suki would take all day so you wouldn’t have to leave that room.

They didn’t, of course, and moments later you and your friends were walking out the door. The fear of running into Zuko made your heart rush, the feeling of air not getting to your lungs intensified and you could tell your body wasn’t strong enough to deal with all that at the moment.

It was when you walked past the conference room, which had the doors open, when you met his eyes. Aang and Sokka where the only two other people there, they’d said something about having a quick meeting with the council that day, taking advantage of Aang’s presence and Sokka deciding to join in as well. Zuko looked as restless as you, but you were sure he had different reasons for it. You couldn’t hold your stare for longer than two seconds, the memories of the night before where starting to come back and it hurt too much for you to handle.

In a very out of character moment, Toph held your hand and pressed it softly. You figured she’d felt your heart beat, your breathing or whatever else that could’ve given you away. It did made you feel better, knowing that at least you had her there made it all better.

—————————-

You’d never been in a spa before, that time Toph and Katara went to one in Ba Sing Se you hadn’t been able to join them, but hearing Toph say how great it was surprised you, seeing as she wasn’t the type of girl to typically like that stuff.

Feeling someone touching you and massaging you was weird at first, you felt like dough for the first few minutes, but after you started to relax and give into the sensation it gave you, your entire body started to release the tension your muscles had been holding without you noticing. Next step in the spa day were facials, you decided to get one called ‘ocean tranquility’ for the mere reason that it sounded nice, Toph of course went for the mud bath and seemed to enjoy it very much. Finally, you decided to finish your session in the warm jacuzzi.

The experience was very enjoyable to say the least, you and the girls had a lot of fun and best of all the Zuko situation hadn’t even crossed your mind the entire morning. Forgetting about him was gonna be hard, but with the way he had been acting lately, he was the one making the job each time easier for you.

When you got back to the palace it was already time for lunch. A pit in your stomach formed at the though of having to sit across the Fire lord, having to talk to him or merely be in his presence. But you weren’t gonna give him the satisfaction of running away. The four of you arrived to the table first, taking your usual sits, Aang and Sokka came next talking about something that had happened in the meeting and the last one to get there was Zuko. His body was stiff, the restless look in his eyes you had seen that morning hadn’t left his face, and for a split second you wanted to walk over to where he was sitting and hug him. But you couldn’t, and that hurt.

The two of you ate silently, leaving the conversation to everyone else. You didn’t look up once after your plate was set in front of you, terrified of bursting into tears if you did, but Zuko on the other hand glanced your way more than a few times.

“So Zuko, what time should we be ready for the gala tonight?” Katara asked, you could tell she was making an effort to not act weird around him too, which you appreciated. You didn’t want your feelings for him to not only ruin your friendship but everyone else’s as well.

“We have to be there to receive all the guests, so even though it technically starts at around eight, we all should be ready half an hour prior.” Even his voice sounded weird, a tone you hadn’t heard him use ever since the days leading up to the comet.

When all of you were done eating, you went to your chambers to get ready. A couple of maids were called to help you out with the dress and with your hair, which took around an hour and a half. You chose an elegant up-do with very thin and delicate braids on the sides, letting the back and front of the dress showcase fully. You left the makeup to Suki, she decided to make your eyes smokey and your lips a wine tone, very much like your dress.

The version of yourself you saw in the mirror was one you hadn’t seen before, you looked confident and beautiful, and it seemed like the other girls felt the same way.

“I couldn’t have imagined us like this a year ago, back when we had to bathe in rivers and were constantly covered in dirt.” Katara said walking up behind you pulling Toph and Suki with her. “We’ve come so far.”

“Katara, if you make us cry and ruin our makeup I’m never going to forgive you.” Suki joked pulling all of you into a hug.

“I love you all... so much” you said back, you knew after surviving a war that every moment of peace with your friends was invaluable.

——————————————

You and the girls walked to the ballroom where the gala would take place. Aang Sokka and Zuko were already there waiting at the entrance.

Before the four of you even got half way to where they stood Toph grabbed your hand and said “You really look stunning, Y/N”

You chuckled lightly looking over at her. “Thanks Toph, but you can’t see me”

“Oh, I don’t have to. All I need to know is that Sparky over there nearly went into cardiac arrest when he saw you, so you must look incredible.”

You turned your attention to Zuko who was already looking at you. He looked heavenly, his suit was mostly black with some red details, traditional of the Fire nation, and it seemed to match your dress perfectly. His hair was up held by the royal head piece, leaving in full sight his handsome face. Your own heartbeat acelerated, and even though you tried to stop it you knew your cheeks were blushing just like his already were.

And for that split moment you felt everything fade away, what he had done, how you had felt, all of it. You wanted to let it all go, and you were ready to drop everything you had for a single word of his. Almost as if you were in a trance, you walked up to him while your friends all greeted eachother. His amber eyes locked with yours, you could tell he was trying to look for something to say but was having a hard time, so you decided to make it easier for him. “You look great”

He smiled softly before replying “You look perfect.” He said in a low raspy voice.

Before either of you could say anything else a moving figure caught your eye behind Zuko. It was Mai, wearing a tight black dress with embroidered golden details, and as always she was beautiful. The trance broke at the sight, you wanted to keep talking to Zuko, see where things would go, but you couldn’t, not with everything that was going on.

So you took one step back first, and then another until you were able to walk away from him and over to were everyone else was talking. Zuko’s eyes were covered in a confused look, until he looked behind him, where Mai was already close enough to greet him with a hug. He hugged her back but reluctantly, as if he had wanted the same thing you did a couple seconds before.

Not long after that, Iroh asked all of you to stand in a line to receive the guests, the would come in and individually shake each of your hands following Fire nation traditions. Mai stayed behind and you were the first out of your friends to walk up to Iroh, which meant you would be right next to the Fire lord the whole time. The universe seemed to want things to be hard for you that night.

So, as planned, the guests started to arrive. They weren’t only from the Fire nation, but people from all nations, you saw green gowns from the earth nation, and also blue ones from the water tribes. The first people to approach you were high commanders, you knew them from some of the meetings they had with Zuko, then there were a lot of people with political positions and finally came the people who were just normal citizens. They were the ones who greeted you with the most warmth, thanking you over and over again for ending the war, for saving them and their families, for being the heroes of all nations.

There were still a good amount of people waiting to talk to you and your friends but a familiar face stood out to you in the middle of the crowd. “Excuse me for a second, it was wonderful to see you.” You said to the woman who stood in front of you while discretely walking away from the group and into the crowd.

Doko’s back was facing you when you put your hand on his shoulder. He was wearing a blue suit with white details and his hair was slicked back. When he turned around to see you it took him exactly half a second to pick you up from the floor and spin you around, you were glad the ballroom was filled with the sounds of people chattering because otherwise your loud laugh would’ve been heard across the entire palace.

“Woah there, stranger. You’re gonna mess up my dress.” You said trying to get him to put you back down.

“Sorry, sorry, I forgot you’re royalty now, guess you’ve gone soft on me, Y/L/N.” He said bringing you down.

“I told you I’m not royalty and I’ll show you how soft I’ve gone” you said shoving your hands to his sides knowing he had always been very ticklish.

“Don’t you dare.” He said holding your wrists and moving away from you as he accidentally bumped into someone behind him. “I’m sorry, sir”

“Idiot” you whispered laughing.

“Yeah, yeah you’re very funny.” He said back while finally letting go of you. “But jokes aside, you do look stunning.”

“Thank you, so do you. Never thought of you as the suit kind of guy.”

“What one does for old friends. You’re owe me though, I feel like a penguin.” His hands went up to his collar which he still seemed to be getting used to.

“I want you to meet my friends, come on.” You dragged him back to the line where the group stood, noticing Zuko was missing. The thought creeped in the back of your mind but you pushed it away.

“Guys, come here.” You called, glad they were done welcoming people. “I want you to meet someone. This is Doko, we were best friends when we were little back in the Northern water tribe. Doko this are Aang, Katara, Sokka, Toph and Suki”

Your friend held out his hand to each of them individually as he said “It’s nice to meet you all. You’re saints for putting up with this one for this long” you punched him in the arm as a response.

“Oh, believe me, it hasn’t been an easy task.” Toph interviened immediately after, taking the opportunity to tease you.

“You know what, not going to that fight you have next week is starting to sound pretty good”

Doko and your friends seemed to get along pretty well to your relief. It warmed your heart to see the one good friend you’d had back home together with the best friends you met along the way. All of you took a sit in a table that was reserved for you. You talked about your adventures with the gaang, how you’d met them and how all of you found yourselves putting an end to the hundred year war.

“What about you, Doko? How come we didn’t meet you when we visited the Northern water tribe?” Aang asked.

“Well, I used to live there when Y/N and I were little kids. My father was a high rank bender, he was in charge of the protection of the tribe, but in one of the earlier attempts of invasion he died. That’s when my mom decided to take me and my sister to Ba Sing Se, you know, somewhere she knew we would be safe.” He bumped your side with his elbow before saying “I only found out you guys had been there days after you left, thanks for paying us a visit Y/N”

“I didn’t know you were there, none of us knew where you and your family went to after you left.” You explained. “Besides, we were kinda busy trying not to get killed, you know, usual touristy things”

As the night went on, you found yourself drowning in more laughter, the sound of upbeat music, funny anecdotes and an ethereal feeling you wanted to cling to for as long as you could. Zuko still hadn’t approached your table, which caused you to feel both relieved and heavy hearted.

At one point while Suki was laughing at something Sokka had said, she accidentally pushed his glass off the table and onto him, spilling its contents directly to his shirt.

“Oh, Sokka I’m so sorry.” She said trying to dry him up with a cloth napkin.

“Its ok, babe. You can’t even tell”

Katara looked at him disapprovingly before interviening. “Yes, you can Sokka. We still have to go up there in front of everybody for when Zuko gives his speech. You’re gonna have to change.”

“Well... there’s a problem with that.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t bring another shirt.” Katara let out a big sigh.

“How could I know I was gonna need another one?” Sokka explained.

You were trying to think of ideas to fix the problem when one popped into your head. “Wait... Zuko always has one spare in his office in case he needs it. I think it’s black, if I’m not wrong. I’ll bring it for you, I’m sure it’ll fit perfectly.”

“You’re always saving the day, Y/N. That’s why you’re my favorite.” Sokka joked gaining a punch from Toph.

“Hey! I thought I was your favorite.”

——————————

The closer you got to Zuko’s office, the quieter it got. The palace was only dimly lit by some torches and occupied by a few guards here and there.

Once you opened the door making sure there was no one inside, you looked around the place trying to remember where Zuko had told you he kept his spare shirt. A big piece of furniture made out of a dark wood that matched everything else in the room called your attention, you opened the little doors it had only to find, amongst other things like papers and supplies, a black shirt held by a hanger. You grabbed it carefully, trying not to move anything else. When you had the shirt in hand you were about to leave the office, but a folded piece of paper caught your eye. It was the only thing on top of Zuko’s desk, which you assumed meant it was the speech he had prepared, only he must have forgotten to take it with him. You opened it just to make sure it was actually the speech and you weren’t grabbing a random piece of paper. The first lines that were written there confirmed it was. He thanked everybody for attending the gala, he talked about this new found peace all nations were enjoying now and he reassured everyone of his endless compromise to keep working towards a brighter future.

It was all the usual stuff someone would say in a speech, until your eyes were drawn further down the page. The words you read there confused you, it made no sense, all the things he’d written there made no sense to you. Before you could read any further, the sound of the door closing behind you made you jump.

“What are you doing here?” Zuko asked dryly.

You couldn’t make yourself turn around to face him, you could almost feel the tears pooling in your eyes and clouding your vision. So you stayed right where you were and simply read out loud what you had in front of you.

“I want to thank the one person who has been by my side this entire time, the only one who’s picked me up every time I’ve been close to falling, every time I’ve felt like I wasn’t fit for the job or I wasn’t good enough to lead a nation. The one who has given me unconditional advice when I’ve needed it the most, and who has been my rock throughout this entire year. Mai, I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“Y/N...”

“You know what, Zuko? I realize now I wasn’t mad at you for any of the things that have happened lately, I was mad at myself, I couldn’t even look at you but not because I was angry, it was because I was ashamed. I felt like an idiot for catching feelings for someone I knew could never feel the same way about me, but that’s not your fault, you don’t owe me feelings. But this is going a little too far don’t you think? Saying that the one thing that’s kept you going all this time is a girl I haven’t even seen since last year? Who wasn’t there when you had your outbursts of rage and wanted to burn the whole place down, who you didn’t go to before every meeting to ask for advice on how to deal with people, who wasn’t there for the nights when you couldn’t sleep because of the nightmares, Spirits! Who didn’t take the entire day to take care of you when you were sick. But I guess all that meant nothing to you. Why am I not surprised?”

You finally turned around, your cheeks already damp and your heart already beating as fast as ever. He looked speechless, like a child that had been yelled at for breaking something. You’d never seen a look like that in his eyes and it almost made you want to run into his arms, but your heart was already broken enough.

He took in a deep breath before braking the silence. “You’re being unfair, Y/N.”

“Oh, I’m being unfair? You’re unbelievable”

“Don’t you have a date waiting for you outside?” He spat a little more secure this time. His words weren’t being fully processed by your brain, it was like whatever he said was covered in a layer of fog and you couldn’t make sense of it.

“You’re right, I have friends who are waiting for me out there, and I’m not wasting any more of the little time I’ve got with them for you.” You made an attempt to walk past him but he grabbed you by the wrist and held you back.

“So this is how you deal with shit? You just run away from it?” He said, his voice breaking a little bit and his breathing fast paced and uneven.

You wanted to bark something back at him, to keep fighting and let everything you’d been holding back these past few days out, scream and yell and hit him and just make him hurt as much as you were hurting, but you didn’t have the strength. “This probably wasn’t a good idea, the whole moving into a palace with basically a stranger who I’d known for a few months before hand and thinking things would just work out, and seeing as I apparently haven’t contributed at all, I don’t see the point of staying any longer. So don’t worry, you’ll have the whole place for you and your ‘rock’ as soon as possible.” You escaped his grasp and walked out the door, trying your best to pull yourself back together before re-entering the ball room.

—————————-

No one asked questions once you were back at the table, but you were less talkative the rest of the night. Before you had to walk up to join Zuko while he was giving his speech, Doko grabbed your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours, the two of you used to do it whenever you were scared or nervous about something when you were little, and it gave you the strength to get up there and listen to the words Zuko had prepared.

He said basically the same thing you’d read in the paper back at his office, excluding everything about Mai, which was a relief cause you really weren’t feeling like crying in front of a whole crowd that night.

Finally, when the gala was over and people were starting to leave, you hugged Doko one more time, promising him you’d stay in touch and see eachother way more from now on. He seemed to want to say something before leaving but decided not to.

You didn’t even say good night to the rest of your friends, discreetly walking out of the ballroom and to your room. If your dress hadn’t been so tight and uncomfortable to lay down with you probably would’ve fallen asleep in it, but after a few minutes of struggling, you finally wiggled out of it and dropped it on a chair that stood next to your bed. You picked the first night gown you could find and put it on before burying yourself under the covers. Tears didn’t take long to fall once again. That horrible feeling of not being able to fill your lungs was back and a dark heaviness covered your body.

You wanted to sleep and get rid of everything, but you couldn’t get yourself to drift off. Several hours must’ve gone by because the sound of people waking and talking outside couldn’t be heard anymore. Silence made everything sink in, what you’d read, what you’d said to Zuko, what he said back. All of it. And right when you were about to let your swollen eyes close the door opened, no previous warning. It closed right back a couple seconds later, softly and carefully. You didn’t know who it was, but you certainly had no intention of talking with anyone, so you didn’t make an attempt to move.

“I know you’re awake.” It was Zuko’s voice. You were so shocked by that you started to think it might be your mind playing games with you, but when he spoke again, you realized it wasn’t. “We need to talk, Y/N”

Tag list: @darthsokaaa @royahllty @godoftheabyss @ilovespideyyy @literally-anythin @daddystevee @annie-are-u-ok @whalerus @galacticamidala @mangoberry43 @eridanuswave @katherinethedork @littleninjablake @taeeemin @cloudyloli @itsme5362

[sailorspazz]

Remote 10 Dance Ball

I know this is coming way late (as in, 3 months after it occurred!), but I’d always been planning to write up a report about the Real 10 Dance event that took place shortly after vol. 6’s release in Japan. Before I get into the explanation of what exactly this is under the cut, enjoy this promo image that ticket holders were able to print out at Japanese convenience stores (mine had to be printed by friends who live there and then scanned to me)

The Real 10 Dance is a series of events that have taken place over the past few years featuring real life pros performing routines inspired by the manga, meaning that most of the dances feature male-male couples (though they all have female partners in their regular careers, for these performances they dance together, and the women are given a group number to perform). The most recent live event took place in September 2019 shortly after vol. 5’s release, and there was another planned for 2020 in Osaka, but it was delayed and eventually completely canceled due to Covid restrictions. Wanting to still put on the event in some form, they later announced that it would take place virtually, and would be branded as the Remote 10 Dance Ball. For the cost of 1,000 yen, viewers could watch a stream of the event as many times as they pleased from the time it went live on March 20 until the viewing deadline 72 hours later. Unlike the in person events, there were no merchandise buying opportunities, but there was the option of paying additional 1,000 yen tips to either the performers, the production committee, or Inouesatoh herself. Choosing any of these options would give that ticket holder access to a code to print the postcard shown above, as well as a link to view a 17 minute making-of video of the event.

Before I get into the rundown, The Real 10 Dance Twitter account posted a preview video a couple weeks before the event, which you can watch if you’d like to see some of the action instead of just still images (and the only ones I’ll share here are those that were posted publicly, since they were pretty adamant about no screenshotting/recording of the event…not gonna lie, I did attempt to screenshot a couple parts, but due to the shaky streaming quality, the official photos are much better than what I was able to capture anyway :P) Also, I only made bare minimum notes while I was watching this (and was drinking hard cider), so I’ll give as much detail as I can remember, but there are definitely things I’ll have forgotten by now.

The show started off with one of the female pros giving a demonstration of how to apply makeup for competitions. After this came an introductory show with all of the participants dancing to the opening theme from La La Land.

Next up was some of the pros talking about the characteristics of their costumes, such as the Latin outfits having features like illusion netting to make their limbs look longer, and fringe to create movement.

After this, some of the pros gave tours of the dance schools that they run, which also served as advertisements for those who may be interested in signing up for lessons.

Then came some step demonstrations, showing specific panels from the manga and then describing how to perform the moves. This included Al and Suzuki’s rumba walk from chapter 18, and the throwaway oversway from the chapter 4 scene where Sugiki turns Suzuki into a princess. For the oversway, they performed the move a few different times, using prompts such as “do it like the world’s about to end” to show how the same move can feel very different depending on the emotion behind it.

This was followed by an interview with former standard world champion Christopher Hawkins. The interview was conducted in Japanese, as he is fluent in the language (Inouesatoh tweeted about him being the inspiration to have Norman speak some Japanese in the story, though she acknowledged that Chris’ abilities are far above Norman’s very basic phrases). It included two interviewers asking questions that were submitted by Inouesatoh and her editor. It started off with some basic talk about the process of training and getting prepared for competitions, then moved on to topics like whether he had any competition related superstitions/habits, such as how some dancers will have a pair of lucky underwear they always wear when competing. He said he had a specific order to how he would button his shirt and attach his cufflinks (as in, not just going straight up or down, but skipping over some and coming back to them), and if he didn’t do this specific routine it made him feel like the competition would go poorly. After telling this story, he laughed and said that he’s never told anyone about this before, so it was definitely an interesting question. Then came probably the most important question for fans of 10 Dance: since the series centers around men dancing together, what sort of experience does Chris have dancing with other men? (Funnily enough, for some reason, the male interviewer first asked this question in Japanese, then rather enthusiastically asked the question in English as well lol). Chris said that of course he’s danced with male students a lot in the course of teaching them, but outside of that also had times where he would train in the female role so he knew how it felt to be the following partner, and therefore could become a better lead. He mentioned some performance he did with another high level male dancer that was pretty amazing (forgive me, I didn’t catch the name at all, or even whether he was a standard or Latin specialist), which caused the female interviewer to joke about writing a love story about the two of them.

Then came the main draw of the event, the dance show! I’ll include the song, dance style, and an image from each performance below.

One Way or Another by Blondie, jive

Lady Marmalade (I believe it was the Moulin Rouge movie version), ladies group cha-cha

Half of Me by Ken Hirai, rumba (I don’t know if it’s just because it made me think of the melancholy rumba shown on vol. 6’s cover, but this made me both want to cry and watch it multiple times over, definitely my favorite because apparently I like to punish myself with sadness :P)

All of Me by Michael Bublé, foxtrot (this was filmed both in the performance space and out on the streets in one of the locations used in chapter 33, as shown in this video from one chilly looking morning. Also, this dance featured a leader switch partway through!)

If I Can’t Have You by Shawn Mendes, cha-cha

Finale with all participants to It’s Time to Dance from “The Prom” musical

Last up was a virtual art exhibition featuring 17 sketches by Inouesatoh, including the most powerful sexual stimulant in the known universe, Bathrobe Sugiki.

Overall, I was very happy to get the chance to witness this event. Normally, the number of people would be limited to just those who were in Japan and able to purchase tickets before they sold out, but this remote version allowed a much larger number of people from all over the world to watch (I bought my ticket not even knowing if it would be region locked or not, but thankfully it wasn’t). I hope that the world situation improves and they can put on the event live and in-person again (even better if I could somehow find a way to attend when that happens!), but I think this was a great alternative, and probably a good way to make some revenue in a time when the ability to stage events is limited. The price of 1,000 yen was an incredibly good deal for all the content that was presented (and you better believe I slammed an extra 1,000 straight to Inouesatoh; the only merch I’ve been able to buy is secondhand, and while this satisfies my needs as a collector, it unfortunately doesn’t provide any support to the author). If real life performances are still a long way off and they decide to do a virtual one again, you bet your ass I’ll be right there in the (imaginary) front row!

[lovelysugawara]

Love me Again

Kuroo X Reader Fanfiction// 

**y/a = Kuroo Hinari **grammatical errors ahead, sorry guys** plot: you and Kuroo are married, but your husband turns cold over you, because of an incident a year ago. Will he once again love you back???

Cont...

Part 4

*Hina’s POV*

As I finally exit the building, I no longer need to hide my hurt feelings. As I don’t want to remember it, my mind keeps on rewinding that scene. Tetsu talking to a girl so closely. How i would like to be mad and slap the girl. But that’s not me. I can’t bring myself to do it.

I’m just scared. What if Tetsu thinks I’m so easy to get jealous and I’m not mature enough? I don’t want that to happen.

But what about my feelings? 

I'm trying to hold on but why is he making this so hard?

I’m sitting outside a cafe, looking at the bento I made. I even sighed and decided to open it. I felt happy because it really looks good on my standard. I did try my best and Kenma approves of it too. It would be a waste if I’m not gonna eat it.

“Can I eat that? I’m hungry.” to my surprise, it’s Kenma who is standing behind me.

“Kenma, what are you doing here? I thought you’re talking to Tetsu?” 

He sat down in the chair in front of me. And started to dig in.

He’s eating my cooking. I smiled at him.

“Kuro won’t eat so I decided to go after i gave him the paper.” He continued to eat.

“Wait, is it okay for me to eat this? You won’t get mad right?” He asked me worriedly.

I nodded, “Of Course i won't.” I smiled.

I watched him eat the foods I cooked.

“Would you mind accompanying me for awhile, Kenma?” I suddenly want to visit her.

“Sure, but where?” he said while chewing.

We are now standing in front of a graveyard. I put a flower in the head stone with the name Baby Kuroo.

“If only you said to me earlier, I would gladly accompany you here first.” Kenma said as we both stared at the headstone.

I smiled at him, “It’s okay Kenma. I just suddenly want to visit my baby.” I sat down a little and put the flowers I made for “her”.

“You know I had a dream that “she” like tulips. So if she’s alive and grew up, I think she would like tulips like I do.” I can’t help but imagine my baby.

“I know she would be so much like you, Hina.” Kenma smiled at me.

I can only laugh at his comment, another version of me would be a disaster I guess.

“Have Kuro come here with you?” he suddenly asked.

I shake my head.

“After the funeral, he never set foot to visit “her”. I know he’s still hurting too.” 

I really do understand Tetsu about it, I too, have been so hurt. I nearly lost my mind. But I have to deal with everything thinking I shouldn't let my husband feel abandoned, but as of the moment I’m dealing with it alone. Without him, supporting me.

“I know you came here for your peace of mind. You still think of what we saw a while ago.” Kenma said as he sat beside me.

“Why didn’t you ask him? Are you afraid?” I flinched as he said those words.

“You know me well. You know I would rather not ask him anything about it. Or I might hurt myself if he answers something I don't want to hear.” I said it while holding my chest. 

“What’s happening? You and Kuro, seem different.” So he knew. He must have felt it. He even stops little before saying the last two words.

“Kenma, you think if it’s me who died, Kuroo would be fine?” 

I’m so heartless about myself. Kenma stared at me so intently.

“What are you saying? Did he say something to you?” I heard anger in his voice, I hated myself because I felt like crying. And Kenma might be angry at Tetsu because I’m saying this.

But I can’t take it, I’m hurting. So much.

“It’s like I’m being punished, Kenma. But I did everything for the baby. But I still failed to protect her. And now, I'm even losing my husband.” I put my face on my palms, trying to hide my miserable face while I cry.

“You did your best, Hina-chan. It’s Kuro who doesn't understand that it’s not only him who lost the baby. It is harder for you the most, because you are the mother. Maybe he thought, as you live your usual self and act normal, that you’re not hurting. Maybe you need to at least let him know what's on your mind and what you feel. To talk things out, yeah?” Kenma pats my shoulder giving me a wake up call that I should be more brave.

Maybe confronting Tetsu isn’t a bad thing to do?

I look at Kenma, and as expected he’s looking at me with those eyes. “Thank you Kenma. I’m sorry for making you stress once again.”

He rolled his eyes and looked away. “Just tell me if that bastard didn’t clear his mind after you talk to him. I’ll make sure to help you.”

I laughed a little as he said those words. I feel kind of happy.

I once again look at the headstone and smile.

Don’t worry baby, me and your daddy will be fine soon. 

That afternoon, I got a text from Yaku.

‘I hope you don't forget about the get together tonight. Make sure your husband will attend it or I’ll let him eat lots of meat!” 

I almost laugh at his message. Yaku is still like that towards Tetsu. I also miss how they fight over trivial matters.

I look back at my hair, I still keep it long, since Tetsu likes women with long hair. Then I saw myself in the mirror. Did my look change? I just noticed how my lips are dry now. It’s been awhile since I wore lipstick or even put on some make up. Should I at least put something tonight? 

*Kenma’s POV*

6PM, that night.

At Yaku Morisuke’s mansion. 

I sighed, I don’t want to do this. I want to stay up to my room and play. I’m already tired. I’m just glad I charge my phone fully so I can play until later.

I look at my surroundings to see my former teammates. 

…

Sighed, they are still the same.

“Kenma-san!!! How are you?”

I looked up to see Lev standing in front of me.

“Ah, hmm.” I actually don’t know what to say to him, and since he’s a model now, he looks like a bright tower standing in front of me.

“Kenma-san, you didn’t change. Haha! I also watched your streams when I got time, and I really enjoyed it. Teach me some games sometimes.” Lev is still as loud as ever. 

Sighed. “You need to learn a lot Lev, you know.”

“Eh?! But I work hard on my LoL rank!!!” Lev continues.

“Ha ha, don’t be so harsh on him, Kenma. Yo!” Kai-san and Yaku-san walk towards us, together with their wives. 

“Wahhh, I can’t believe you are already married!” Lev still can’t hide his amazement on the two senpais.

“Haiba-kun, isn't it time for you to marry too?” Kai asked him.

Lev put his hand on his chin, as if he’s thinking hard.

“Hmmm, maybe. But I’m still busy.”

“Maybe you won’t marry Haiba!” Yaku told him as he assisted his wife to sit beside us.

Lev blushed, “B-but rather, it should be Kenma’s time to marry too right?” Now he put the spotlight on me. Sighed. Tired.

“Kenma, won’t marry either.” Yaku said.

“He’s married to his games and company.” Kai added.

“E-EHHH?!” Lev’s can’t stop himself.

  And the two just laugh how simple minded Lev is.

I just shake my head and once again look at the entrance, waiting for Kuro and Hina.

Then Kuro appeared at the door, was he alone? Where is Hina?

I stand up and walk towards him.

“Kuro!” I called him out.

“Kenma! Yo!” He simply waves at me.

“Wow, Kenma you are quite early at this kind of event, I’m surprised.” He commented.

I almost rolled my eyes hearing him say this.

“And I see you come here alone, where is Hina? You didn’t pick her up?” 

Based on his facial expression, he’s guilty for not picking her up or texting her that he’s here.Seriously, I don’t know what to do to this guy.

“Kuro, will you stop being a jerk? You’re going too far.”

“K-kenma,”

Shocked I guess. I don’t know the problem, but Hina is starting to drift away. 

Kuro looks away, “S-she’s on her way, probably.”

Tsk!

“Probably? You’re not even sure?” Look at how jerk he is.I’m trying not to be disappointed with him but I guess my self-restraint won’t be enough for tonight. 

“You know, she’s waiting for you. I told her that I should pick her up since you’ll be an ass to not come home and directly come here, but she refused and said she will wait for you.”

He suddenly gets his phone in his pocket and switches it open. 

What? Did he intentionally switch it off?

After a few seconds, lots of notifications ring. 

Seeing his face, I know it’s Hina. 

I should have picked her up myself. 

“I-I’ll call her then.” Kuro said.

Sighed. And then I saw her at the door.

“No need Kuro, she’s already here.” I walked past Kuro to go straight to his wife.

Somehow, she looks different and the way she dresses tonight. 

She wears a dress and puts on a mild makeup that highlights her young face, like she goes back to our high school days. Since long ago, I knew very well that she’s a pretty woman to begin with. She always smiles and is happy every time I see her.

I just hope Kuro knows it too. And realized that she’s drifting away.

“Wow Hina, you’re way different tonight.” I told her.

She blushed. “R-really? I just put on some makeup for a change.”

“Wow! Hina-senpai! So pretty! More prettier than my sister!” Lev is already towering us as he complimented Hina.

“L-lev eh?! To be compared to Alisa-chan’s beauty, you must be joking!” She can’t hide her embarrassment from us

Kai and Yaku also joined us on this side, and they also complimented Hina about her look. And where the hell is her husband?

I look at Kuroo who is standing a bit far away from us. He’s looking at her with an awe expression. He should be. She dressed up to impress him after all.

“Kuro, what are you doing there far away from you wife? You should escort her.” Kai speaks what I have in mind.

Kuroo walks towards us, I look at Hina who looks nervous as he approaches her. 

“What’s the fuss all about, she looks the same guys, come on.”  

WHAT THE HELL?

Did he actually say that? Not even complimenting her?

Kuroo suddenly smudges her lipstick, causing it to ruin her looks.

“KUROO!” I shouted!

I saw everyone flinch as he did that. They are looking at Hina who is trying to fix her lipstick and ends up wiping it with her handkerchief. 

Hina is so shocked to even react to what he did.

“What the hell did you do?!” Yaku says in horror.

“Don’t be so rude Kuroo, she obviously dressed up for tonight.” Yaku explained.

“Then who is she dressing for?” he looks at her in an irritated way.

Hina’s facial expression became somehow afraid and conscious. 

“Are you stupid?” Yaku being yaku to Kuro. “Of course it’s for you dumbass! You’re her husband! You know sometimes I think you’re the one who lacks docosahexaenoic acid!” Yaku walks away, not giving Kuroo the chance to fight back with their verbal battle.

Hina just smiled at us, “Come on guys, let’s enjoy the night okay?” She did smile but after we walked to sit down, I saw how her smile fades away.

**A/N updates every FRIDAY..**

[butterfliesinthenightsky]

hi sweetheart !! may i please req an ateez and bts personality ship ?? my description was SUPER long (I GOT CARRIED AWAY </3) so you can cut my request at the personality part when posting my ship! tysm in advance <3

I’m an ‘03 liner that’s 5’9.5 (basically 5’10) with dark skin, jet black hair (currently in long twists rn!!), and i’m on the curvier side (esp hips and my thighs) !! some of my favorite features are my plump lips (and i have a beauty mark near the inside of my bottom lip!), my long legs (they’re 40.5 inches long and look so good in dresses and skirts <33), my kempt and pretty fingernails, and my eyelashes !!! i’m a virgo (and surprisingly i get along with all the signs, i cant think of a sole zodiac sign i DONT mix well with but i love cancers and virgos <33) ! i’m also an ambivert all the way! i often come off as cold/shy/quiet when meeting new people (one of my closest friends avoided me for a month before meeting me because i looked so intimidating LMAO), but once you get close to me i turn into a goofy (heavy on the goofy im never not laughing) bundle of warmth and love: i will never stop texting them the <3 emoji every morning or buying my friends/s/o their favorite starbucks order when they need a little cheer-me-up. also, lots of people say i’m mature and carry myself well, but around my friends i’m one of the most goofiest people ever (probably bc my face will literally be 😐 one sec and then 🥰 the next second when someone makes me laugh <3)

tysm in advance!!! Have an amazing day/afternoon/evening!

@anpanseok DARLING! I hope you love your ship <3 I'm actually really proud of this one, you'll have to let me know what you think! <3

In ATEEZ, I ship you with one and only demon San!

(I thought you'd like that gif ;) )

Okay, when you were describing all of the things that you would want in the relationship, I thought of San due to how clingy and affectionate he is with the other members of ATEEZ. He is a Cancer, which is good because that is one of the star signs that are compatible with yours. I don't believe that the age difference of four years would be that much of an issue, especially since San acts younger than he is most of the time anyway. I feel like most men are intimidated when their female significant other is tall themselves, but he is tall himself and I feel like the fact that you are taller is kind of one of his favorite things about you? One of his other favorite things about you are your curves, he always puts his hand on your thighs during movie night at the boys' dorm or in the back pocket of your jeans when you two are walking into KQ Entertainment together. When you wear dresses when all of you go out to fancy dinners together, he has to hold himself back because he ADORES you when you wear dresses! You said you're am ambivert, I feel like he relates to that in some form of way, like I feel like there are certain situations where he feels a bit more introverted about. Sometimes Hongjoong has to scold him because he texts you so much, but he can't stay mad at you when you pop into the building with their favorite Starbucks drinks and hand-made lunch boxes for them. Just as you always support his creative endeavors, he always returns it for you tenfold and when you are talking about issues you care deeply about, he gives you his full attention and stares at you lovingly. Not just San, but all of the boys, come to you whenever they are dealing with stress and they just want someone to talk to because you are so amazing at giving advice and supporting them. There was a time when a sasaeng approached you, San, Wooyoung and Jongho when you were doing some late night grocery shopping when another ATINY stopped her, causing an argument and nasty words to be exchanged. Let's just say, you shut that sasaeng down REAL quick when you heard some of the things she said. One day you woke up and found a present that San made for you, a mixtape of all of your favorite songs from all your favorite genres of music, along with a little keychain that had tokens of all of the states you had visited. He wholeheartedly loves you and he makes every effort to support all of your dreams. When he has days off from work, the two of you make a blanket fort in your living room and watch old episodes of Forensic Files and Law & Order: SVU, whilst surrounded by fluffy blankets and a couple of his favorite plushies. His life an idol doesn't afford him much down time, unfortunately, but he always makes time for you and you always have the craziest adventures with not only each other, but all of the other boys as well. Squishy San will want all of the cuddles, have you SEEN how affectionate he is with the other members?! Also, him in all black outfits.... YES, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. One day he was visiting your apartment and he surprised you with matching beaded pearl bracelets and he never takes it off, not even for performances. The boys don't really think nothing of walking into the bathroom to brush their teeth whilst one of the others is showering, that just comes with their busy schedules and their dorm life. Let's just say this: Mingi wasn't able to look you in the eyes for two weeks because he did just that, not realize that you had snuck in and stayed the night, and were currently going to the bathroom whilst San was in the shower. Your camera roll is not only filled with silly pictures of San that you've captured, but of the most magazine worthy, model pictures you have ever been lucky enough to take. He accepts you for all of your flaws, and helps you to try to work on them, however that may be and you do the same for him.

In summary: You both are simps for each other and I AM HERE FOR IT.

In BTS, I ship you with Namjoon!

Another tall boy for you, I got you! You both are Virgos, but I looked it up worried that two Virgos would clash, and it said that they would be very intuitive with each other and would understand each other! The age gap is quite large, I don't know how okay you are with that? I know everyone has different preferences. He approached you first when he saw you at the mom & pop coffee shop/cafe around the corner from your apartment, and he thought you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Another man who I don't think would be bothered by your curves (men can be shallow dicks), I think that is his favorite thing (same as San) about you. Not even in a sexual way, I feel like his hands would always end up on your butt without him even noticing. Most of the time, one of the other boys will point it out when all of you are hanging out together, and he will be proud that he has a significant other like you, but he almost might become a shy mess about it I feel like. I feel like he can get jealous, just because you are closest to Jungkook in the group and you often pull pranks on the other members together. There is never a shortage of laughs when all of you are together, pure crackhead energy if I've ever seen it, just non stop jokes and banter between all of you. You were able to get time off from work and were actually able to join them (their managers were surprisingly chill about you tagging along? CONFUSION?) on their tour around Europe and you had so many memories. You actually brought along a Polaroid camera that you found in a little store one day when the two of you were shopping, and you ended up having to buy an extra suitcase on the trip because you took LITERAL hundreds of pictures of all of your adventures and the tour shenanigans. He has childish tendencies, I feel like he would love to play Roblox with you? I feel like he would take a very mathematical approach to building things, that's just the vibe I get from him. He often stares at you when you're doing your makeup in the morning, he finds it fascinating and he even asked you to do his makeup for some of his shows. His makeup artists weren't angry, luckily, all of their staffs absolutely adore you two together. He is all up for adventures, I feel like he would chicken out at the idea of skydiving, though lol. You keep stealing his sweaters, which he low-key highkey is SO happy about because he loves the way that you look in them. The size difference is only three or four inches (I've seen people say he's 6 feet, but then others say he's 6 foot 2, WHICH IS IT?!), so it's pretty easy to sneak kisses from him whenever you want them when you're together. If he sees you struggling to stay awake whilst studying, he'll softly close your book and drag you over to your bed for a couple hours so you can take a quick nap to regain the energy. I don't really know his temperament that well, he has to be rather even-tempered to deal with those hooligans he calls the rest of BTS, so I feel like you wouldn't have that many fights. You both are always striving to help each other to be the best versions of each other you can be. You joined the boys on vacation at a lake house and one night you were having dinner and he blushed after you said something cheeky to him, causing you to say to him, "You look like a cute tomato when you blush, my cutie pie." in front of the other members. Needless to say, he turned even more red and the boys teased him mercilessly for the rest of the night. Don't know how the cooking would go (this boy is a DISASTER in the kitchen), but you would have fun learning new dishes. He would brag about getting a dish right, and you quickly praise him but also say, " and that's why you a big ass head.", causing him to die laughing. He is the very definition of a hard worker, and I feel like he would love being praised and doing the same for his significant other, so I'm glad that you said that you liked the words of affirmation love language, because GET READY. He's definitely been buffing up (I SCREAM WHENEVER I SEE PICTURES OF HIM NOWADAYS), so

his hugs would always be the best things, so warm and comforting. Don't know how you feel about children? We've all seen that VLive where this idiot literally bought baby shoes because he thought they were cute, so I think he would definitely want children down the road in your relationship if you were both comfortable with it. Best father and husband award goes to him.

In conclusion: SIMP. SIMP. SIMP. SIMP. SIMPPPPPPPPPPPP.