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livingasaghost · 4 years ago

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okay so i always see a bunch of ridiculous aftg headcanons soooo i decided to put my hat in the ring and try it out

this is all about the foxes and their chaotic as hell groupchats

so let’s imagine for a second that this series doesn’t take place in the early 2000s so smart phones exist

periodically the foxes have exchanged numbers with each other - obviously each of the cliques can contact each other, but then throughout that first year there are little things that cause people to give out their numbers

like at some point nicky lets it slip that he’s having trouble with his stats class and out of the blue allison offers to meet up with him because she’s surprisingly like really great at math? so the two of them start up a little text chain where they just shit talk everyone and start a few random bets

and then dan gets katelyn’s number from one of the other vixens and the two of them initially just start texting about game details...which turns into bonding over make-up and girl talk and eventually dan starts inviting katelyn to hang out with her and the fox girls

at first renee is the only one who has everyone’s number because she’s the only one who everyone likes

but then after their big win, renee just puts everyone in one massive groupchat so no one gets left out and they can all bond and it’s just as chaotic as one would expect

at first everyone’s just trying to figure out who’s who, but not everyone has an iphone so all the iphone users are really pissed off at the green bubbles

aaron’s the only one with an android because of course he is

he refuses to switch to an iphone even when the rest of the team BEGS him to bc he “doesn’t see the point”

for the whole summer after neil’s first year, the team keeps trying to pressure him and andrew into upgrading their phones because the team is so sick of what it’s doing to the groupchat

neil doesn’t really know how it all works because he’s still getting used to having a phone and having friends to text, but then everyone starts sending him emojis that don’t show up properly and his phone won’t load any photos they send and the rest of the foxes are so FRUSTRATED bc neil doesn’t seem to notice

eventually, in a shocking turn of events, andrew gets so fed up with the chaos of everyone texting his flip phone that he’s the one who gives in

he shows up at the dorm one day and just hands neil a little baggie with his new iphone

they’re just starting to get it set up when nicky strolls in and IMMEDIATELY takes over, showing neil all about emojis and changing your phone background and saving all the fox contacts

neil is, unsurprisingly, very overwhelmed and slightly terrified, so andrew reaches over and does it all for him, and nicky just looks put out

it takes neil like six months to change any of his contacts or backgrounds or settings because he just doesn’t care

eventually he does manage to set his lockscreen to a really bad photo he took of andrew when he wasn’t paying attention

andrew notices it one day and chooses not to say anything

(he secretly loves it)

when the groupchats start heating up.......neil realizes it’s kind of fun to have a smart phone because it feels like the foxes are with him all the time

after neil and andrew get iphones, the rest of the team decide to make a separate groupchat for just apple users bc no one really texts aaron regularly anyway

at first it’s just a place where people drop details about practices

dan shares news from wymack and abby and then kevin starts giving orders about what the foxes can do better

and somehow that is the tipping point

because everyone hates when kevin starts talking exy

(except neil)

so everyone jumps on him and it’s the perfect icebreaker

nicky is the obnoxious one who sends a ridiculous amount of emojis and gifs and reaction images (neil never knows where he finds them all) - he also sends the most tiktoks. usually ones that are super inappropriate or just plain stupid.

allison texts a lot because she’s always attached to her phone ready for the tea and sometimes she’ll send a really raunchy meme just to spice things up

neil doesn’t really know what’s going on half the time - and he never really scrolls up to see what he’s missed - so if and when he does respond, it’s usually just to ask clarifying questions or give a thumbs up

matt is the one who always checks in to make sure everyone’s doing okay - he’ll send really encouraging texts that people like andrew shit on

one time matt sends everyone a really sweet text over the holidays about how much they mean to him....and then dan just kicks him out of the gc and goes “okay enough of that bullshit i hate u guys xoxo” and andrew gives it a thumbs up

sometimes when he’s bored andrew will just kick out everyone but renee and neil bc why not

kevin is the one who gets kicked out the most

sometimes it’s because he texts about exy, but eventually it just becomes a running joke that they’ll kick him out randomly

like they’ll be in the middle of a conversation and then allison will just boot him out of the gc just to see what he’ll do

usually when this happens kevin will just send an angry message in one of the other gcs telling neil to add him back

it’s usually neil or renee who adds someone back bc they feel bad that people get left out of the gc

renee has this weird obsession with tiktok and she sends them CONSTANTLY like usually they remind her of certain teammates

she’ll send these at all hours of the night bc she has trouble sleeping and that means more time to scroll through the app from hell

and even though it gets on everyone’s nerves, no one can hate renee so they all just kind of....watch the videos and then everyone’s obsessed with tiktok

dan will send memes and things but only when they’re like so ridiculously funny that they get the whole gc wheezing at midnight on a school night

and usually they’re SO ridiculous that they only make sense to dan

“Dan you do realize we have practice tomorrow?”

“matt shut up this girl is talking like MARGE SIMPSON I CANT BREATHE”

most of the foxes text without proper capitalization or punctuation but matt and kevin and neil (and aaron) are all very proper with their texting

dan makes fun of matt all the time bc he doesn’t seem like the kind of person to Use Proper English but matt doesn’t understand why everyone can’t just use capitals when it’s automatic (he doesn’t know how to turn it off)

neil uses proper grammar just bc it doesn’t occur to him to do anything else

andrew uses lowercase bc it reads like a monotone to him and he thinks it’s ~cool~ and he also likes making kevin mad

sometimes he’ll use the wrong punctuation and grammar on purpose just to get kevin to reply to his texts

eventually nicky realizes he can change the group name and the group photo so he starts the most chaotic conversation by dramatically changing it to a snapchat screenshot of neil asleep on andrew’s lap and calling the gc SEXY EXY BESTIES 👅💦

it stays like that for all of two minutes before kevin notices and quickly changes the name to The Foxes

and then it becomes a free for all as everyone tries to be smart and snarky and ridiculous

stans of kevin’s left hand

the foxwhore court

🧡 Neil Josten Fanclub 🧡

life’s like a game of exy🥍

periodically throughout the week someone will change the name as they see fit - normally it’s something stupid but sometimes they’ll start an actual conversation by changing the group name

The Ungrateful Foxes

fuck you kevin

Guys plz be nice to Kevin

YOU KNOW, I GET IT—

The Worst Team in the NCAA

fuck you kevin

GO TO SLEEP NEIL!!!

one time after they’d spent like two weeks being called wymack’s whores, andrew decided he’d had enough of that so he just renamed it 🖕🏻🦊

and they do have a separate gc with wymack (they just don’t need to bother him with all their shitty commentary)

but funny enough, they’re almost worse in the wymack gc

at first wymack tried to control everyone by kicking people out who misbehaved, but then it just kept happening until it was him, kevin and renee left and he had to let it go

now all the foxes will text him at the most random times with the most random of questions

they also have a running joke where they all call him dad

kevin hates it, but wymack secretly thinks it’s hilarious and sweet

“hey dad can we get pizza after practice tomorrow???”

“dad nicky’s being a bitch can you make him run extra laps”

“WAIT DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT WYMACK IS KEVIN’S ACTUAL DAD??? *blinking man gif*”

kevin starts leaving the gc instead of waiting to be kicked out

#should i do another one of these #this was SO FUCKING FUN #aftg #aftg headcanon #aftg hc #tfc #headcanon #mine #personal

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crusherthedoctor · 4 years ago

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Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? - Part 15: DR. EGGMAN

There are some villains I like. And there are some villains I don’t like. But why do I feel about them the way I do? That’s where this comes in.

This is a mini-series of mine, in which I go into slightly more detail about my thoughts on the villains in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, and why I think they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). I’ll be giving my stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves in the game(s) they featured in. Keep in mind that these are just my own personal thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions! I don’t bite. :>

Anyhow, for today’s installment, it’s finally time for him. The bad doctor himself. Gather round ladies and gentleman, for the spotlight is on the arch-villain that shines above them all... Dr. Eggman.

The Gist: It's the dawn of the 90's. A little company called SEGA had an ephiphany. They wanted to make a video game juggernaut that could rival the quality and iconic appeal of the then-unmatched Super Mario Bros, and their current star, Alex Kidd, just wasn't doing it in the way that they hoped. They promptly set about starting anew, as a worldwide phenomenon wasn't going to make itself.

So a gentleman named Naoto Ohshima created a selection of design concepts for this brand new mascot. One of these concepts was President Roosevelt in his pajamas.

Seen here with his catgirl body pillow.

The response to this character was “This is good, but we think kids would prefer kicking the shit out of him”, and so he was given an antagonistic role instead. In the meantime, after juggling the rest of their ideas, they eventually settled on a rabbit hedgehog named Sonic for their main protagonist, knowing his Mickey Mouse-like aesthetic would help endear him to the audience, and the franchise as a whole would have an easier time gaining a DeviantART fanbase later on down the line.

Initially, the character of today's review was but a mere lackey among many, seemingly little more than one of numerous minions working for Sonic's originally intended main villain, the Nonspecific Goblin. He was also dressed as a bee for some reason.

Which is the least weirdest thing in this image.

At some point however, they all got together and decided that actually, the guy with the moustache was the only one worth shit, and so he was upgraded to the role of main villain himself. With a spiffy new attire of red and black, he was given the bold title of Dr. Eggman, because with a shape like that, what else are you gonna call him?

“Funny you should say that”, laughed SEGA of America, as they rebelled like an angsty teen and named him Dr. Ivo Robotnik instead. While this name does make equal sense for the character, as he is indeed a hard worker who also happens to like robots, the reason for this name's existence seems to have been mainly because they thought Eggman was too out there of a name for an egg-like man. Whatever the case, this would confuse a lot of fans for years, and remains a point of divisiveness to this day... Unless you're like me and your first game in the series was Advance 2, in which the manual clears it up right away, and you accept the idea of a character having two names and immediately carry on with your life.

He would have aimed it perfectly if it weren't for the Sonic Heroes Parrot distracting him.

And that was that, really. It didn't take long for them to come up with his characterization, which was that of a cackling fiend with an ego to end all egos. This guy was the Narcissist Alpha, more king than actual kings, no strings attached. Other villains would build statues of themselves, but only Robotnik would deface Ancient Egyptian monuments to improve them with his face. Other villains would think “Nah, refacing all four in Rushmore would look silly”, but only the Eggman, the Eggmyth, the Egglegend, would go “Well fuck you, I'm doing it anyway.” Then he'd do it anyway, and proceed to address to the entire world that he did in fact do it anyway.

It also didn't take long for them to develop his primary schtick. With the dynamic of Sonic VS Eggman, you had a classic rivalry between nature and technology. Interestingly enough however, this turned out to be executed more tactfully than your typical Amish-abiding examples in similar media. Never was technology itself regarded as a corruptive influence that you should never utilise no matter what. Rather, it was only as good or as evil as the person using it, with it just so happening that the villain loved machinery only slightly less than he loved himself, and it was countered by Sonic’s best friend being a techno wiz in his own right anyway. Anyhow, with his machinery, the doctor would make a name for himself among video game baddies by confronting his enemy as the boss of nearly every zone in each game, rather than hide away until the endgame.

And all without a driver's licence.

In his soon-to-be-30 years of activity, he has largely remained the same since his inception. Other characters have been introduced, other villains have came and went, but Eggman has remained THE villain of the franchise, and he's remained a vital part of the Sonic the Hedgehog universe... with a slight redesign along the way.

The only ad I don't want to skip.

The Design: Eggman's design may be more simplistic than the likes of Bowser and Ganondorf, and he may not look as openly threatening at first glance, but it's still a very iconic look no matter what look it is. His original appearance was devised so that kids could have an easy time drawing him, which only makes me feel worse about not being able to do it as a grown adult without it looking like a Sexy Legs Kirby.

Still, it's a classic for a reason. With his to-the-point colour scheme, contrasting heavily with Sonic's blue, and his capelet collar resembling walrus tusks, it was an instant winner and made everyone goo goo for g'joob.

The Emeralds he’s juggling are a metaphor for the divided fan community.

And when it was time to give the cast an update for Sonic's first real 3D adventure (or at least the first one that didn't get axed for being a magic eye seizure), Eggman got a respectable change of his own. He was taller, his getup was militaristic, and his body was more legitimately egg-shaped rather than basketball-shaped. He also gained a pair of goggles that he never uses, except in scenes where he puts them on and then never uses them.

“How do my chicken legs not collapse under the might of my gluttonous mass? Find out in an unrelated tie-in novel that you have to pay additional money for.”

There was also that one redesign from 2006, but...

Be it Classic or Modern, I've always loved his design. Before he even says a word or does anything, you know from his appearance that he's a bit of a clownish sort. But he also has a subtle creepy vibe going on, with the way his glasses often obscure his eyes, and how this only makes the pearly-white, unnecessarily wide grin on his face that much more empty and unsettling. This little bit of eeriness hiding among his cartoonish physique reflects the full extent of his character pretty accurately, as we’ll delve into soon enough.

If nothing else, it's more effective than him having no eyes at all.

GRRRRRRRR FUCK YOU BUNNIES THAT I CAN'T SEE

The Personality: If you've seen my villain reviews, then you'll have gathered that Sonic's rogues aren't known for having much in the way of personality. There are exceptions, but they are indeed the exceptions. More often than not though, whether it's an alien conquerer, an ancient monster, or Dan Green the Recolour, they can be summed up thusly: They're evil, they want to destroy the world, and the heroes stop them because they're evil and want to destroy the world. If they're feeling particularly daring, they might go for a second colour.

Luckily, as if to counter all these cardboard drawings, the central adversary of the franchise makes up for these voids of personality by actually having one. And what a personality it is.

The writers of SatAM looked at this and thought “No, this won't do, there's no character to work with here.”

He really is brimming with comedic charm. Every moment that he's present...

Every moment that he shows off...

Every moment that he basks in his own glory...

Every moment that he unveils a new wicked scheme...

Every moment that he puts his enemies to the test...

Every moment that he challenges the world...

Every moment that he laughs at the world...

Every moment that he lives, nay, every moment that he breathes...

Yes, the man has plenty of humor, and it's part of what makes him so enjoyable and memorable. However, if you think being a clown is all there is to him, then prepare to have your expectations subverted initial assumptions taken in a unexpected direction, because although he puts the goof in goofy, he ALSO puts the “oh...?” in “oh shit”.

For you see, Eggman is by all means the epitome of Laughably Evil, but do not, under any circumstance, take him at face value and write him off as a joke. He is anything but.

For starters, he can swing a planet.

There is a rule of thumb that I personally go by with Eggman’s characterization, one that I believe is an immediate make or break factor in regards to whether or not you understand what makes this villain work. Eggman - when you put all his secondary traits aside - is made up of two prominent halves. There’s the egocentric meme machine that bounces up and down like a kid with his N64 and laughs like Santa... and there’s the monster buried within that remains completely and utterly unrepentant for everything he’s responsible for. This is very important. Despite the character’s simplicity at his core, many writers have failed to grasp this, official writers included, and I for the life of me cannot understand why this is such a recurring problem. Eggman is funny, AND Eggman is evil. Both are equal. When you take away one or the other, you may have a funny character, or you may have an evil character, but you don’t have Eggman. Simple as.

Armchair intellectuals may argue that Eggman’s deeds aren’t that evil, since he tends to be merely callous rather than actively trying to hurt or kill people. Those people are probably the types on TV Tropes who weigh a villain’s evilness and effectiveness purely through the surface-level scale of their goals rather than what they actually do to achieve them. While it is true that Eggman tends to be more apathetic about the aftermath of his actions, that doesn’t - and shouldn’t - negate how dangerous he is. It shouldn’t negate what he’s capable of. It shouldn’t negate how far he’s willing to go. And it shouldn’t negate the consequences and casualties that can and do result from his many schemes.

Seriously, think about this for a second. If you confronted Eggman about his current plan to... I dunno, make a water park in Africa or some shit, and you informed him that there has been unexpected mass suffering as a result of this, how do you think he would truly feel about that? What do you think he would actually say to that?

Spoiler: No fucks.

If anything, that he “merely” doesn’t care either way as long as he gets what he wants is more uniquely horrific and deplorable than if he were a generic baddie who committed his evulz specifically for evulz’s own sake and nothing more. At least you’re inadvertently acknowledging that other people’s lives have value when you act one-dimensionally gleeful over ending them, but when your immediate response to the side-effect of a million potential deaths and environmental disasters is “Oh well, fuck ‘em, Eggmanland time baybeeee”, that’s a new level of cruelty.

Besides, even in the Genesis era, he was carpet bombing Angel Island...

“Good thing I have this shield. Sucks to be this forest!”

And he’s only gotten worse since then, indulging in such acts as going full suicide bomber with a missile, after his initial plot to destroy and rebuild Station Square through the means of Chaos and the Egg Carrier didn’t work out...

But don’t worry, he kept it lighthearted by making it look like a penis.

Making one of Sonic’s friends go insane with power against their will, forcing the Blue Blur to put them down personally...

It’s ironic, cause he’s metal. Or do I have to awkwardly explain the joke two more times before I’m a proper YouTuber?

Capturing thousands of innocent aliens, and forcefully converting them into mindless beasts...

I’m pretty sure I saw Alfred Molina conduct this experiment one time.

He even removed the heroes’ collective IQs so that he could shoehorn a cliffhanger on an already terrible game.

Thanks, cunt.

And honestly? When it comes to Sonic and chums at least, Eggman does let out a more openly sadistic side now and then. Need I mention that time when the doctor forced Sonic and two random buddies to make their way through a trap-infested island of his own creation? Not for the sake of nabbing Chaos Emeralds or anything of the sort mind you, he just wanted the blue motor mouth to suffer.

Images you can hear.

To make matters even worse, as befitting of his manchild tendencies, he’s ridiculously petty. How petty? Petty enough to abduct a little girl’s mother for no other reason than because Cheese completely trivialized his forces the girl was friends with Sonic and helped participate in the latest kicking of his own ass.

He only picked Vanilla because there was no Strawberry.

But at least his captives can admire the sheer variety that their captor has to offer. One of the greatest things about the doctor's style is that anything goes. With all due respect to Bowser, he tends to stick with his fiery castles (although he has been branching out recently), and plenty of other villains in gaming tend to be similarly stuck in their ways when it comes to tastes. Eggman, on the other hand, will create all sorts of fortresses and reside anywhere on the planet and beyond. It can be in the sky, in space, somewhere hot, somewhere cold, under the sea, in a circus... and every now and then, he might combine some of them together and thensome. So long as it's even vaguely mechanical in some way, his ground rules have already been ticked off.

Hang on a minute...

You know what else Eggman is? Relentless.

Persistence is a quality that most villains by their very nature share, lest they cease to be an effective antagonist. But once again, Rrrrrrrobotnik maxes out more than any other, and will often go to insane lengths to keep the current plan going, or if not that, then to spite Sonic.

Exhibit A: Sonic 3 & Knuckles, in which the grand finale consists of the madman throwing a gravity-shifting contraption your way, busting out a Kaiju-sized robo, escaping with the Master Emerald after his defeat, continuing to escape even after the Death Egg has been thoroughly destroyed, getting chased through the asteroid fields in space by Super Sonic, and only finally going down when the escape craft and the piloted mech controlling the escape craft are down. And all of this came after a grand adventure where, among other things, he destroyed an entire level just to kill you.

There are immortal omnipotents that put up less of a challenge.

“Looks like it’s time for Plan... *checks paper*... F.”

His relentlessness also reveals another side of the doctor that is simultaneously admirable and terrifying: He bows to no one. No one. Doesn’t matter who it is. Doesn’t matter how powerful they are. Doesn’t matter how much the odds are stacked against him. If another villain were to demand that he cower before them, the scientist would laugh and show through physical demonstration that this is not the way the egg rolls. Unless he’s absolutely unable to do so, he will give it his all every time, and even if he can’t, he’ll use his crafty mind to find some other way to get around the issue. You can beat him in battle, you can foil his plans, but you absolutely cannot break his resolve.

“Dad said it’s my turn to play with the Ruby. I know this, because I’m your dad.”

What about his relationship with those who actually serve him? Specifically, his own robots? Well for the most part, he treats them like absolute crap, what with verbally abusing them at every corner and being all too willing to go full Vader on them the moment they mess up. He IS capable of expressing fondness and giving praise to his more successful creations, like with Metal Sonic and Gamma, but even then, it’s a roundabout way of praising himself, since he’s the one who made them what they are. So basically, you’re only valuable to him if you make him look good.

Gaming in the Clinton Years in a nutshell.

And as for Sonic? Yeah, like with any legendary and long-lasting hero/villain dynamic, it’s obvious that Eggman has some degree of begrudging respect for his opponent. But if you think this respect would dissuade him from actually going through with his ambitions of rulership...

As the hedgehog’s apparent demise in Sonic Adventure 2 proves, as well as his defeat at the hands of Infinite and the subsequent six months of brutal conquest in Sonic Forces, Eggman is dead serious about his goals. If you think he’d get bored after conquering the world, he would simply expand his resources and have a crack at conquering the rest of the universe. When he says he hates that hedgehog, I’m inclined to believe that he means it, and although he may enjoy his “games” with Sonic to an extent, I also can’t see him wanting to remain stuck on square one forever.

If this were Sonic X, he’d just grieve.

By the way, the scene above? Undeniable proof that for all the doctor’s boasting, he’s not actually lying or exaggerating when he prides himself on his brilliance. Because when you get past his goofy exterior, when you look beyond the occasional, relatively minor mistake (*glares at IDW*), you’ll see that... yes. He IS brilliant. And not just in the science department either, although his countless robots and strongholds over the years are no doubt a testament to his credentials there. While he may prefer to go in big and bold, he can also be shrewd with his strategies when he wants to be.

Sonic’s aforementioned near-death experience, for example, was the result of Eggman turning the heroes’ own cunning plan on its head by being one step ahead of them. And in Sonic Unleashed, he lured his enemy into a trap, culminating with him cancelling out Super Sonic.

“...and pay the price for your Werehog gameplay...”

And after all those years of struggling, he finally got a giant monster under his complete control. “But he had help!”, you say? Yeah, from himself.

Did Flynn sleep through all this...?

Much like his inner nature as an evil bastard, Eggman's effectiveness is likewise commonly underestimated by writers. Yes, he occasionally makes mistakes. Yes, he occasionally overlooks details. Yes, he occasionally lacks foresight. But he is NOT stupid. A hero is only as good as their villain after all, and if Eggman is portrayed as a bumbling fool, then how can Sonic be a truly great hero? Eggman is humorous, sinister, and when the chips are down, competent.

...Did I mention that he's also a master Olympian?

The Execution: There's no surprises here. You knew from the moment you saw this review that my stance wasn't going to be anything less than 100% fanboy adoration. In that respect, this section almost feels redundant, because there's only so many ways I can say “Dr. Eggman is the fucking shit and I'm eternally grateful to Mr. Ohshima for bringing this absolute masterpiece into our world” without it getting repetitive. So to cap this review off, I'm going to very briefly compare his portrayals in other media, and explain why they tend to not be as good as the original SEGA Eggman.

“Cause they’re not balanced, right?” you ask. “Cause they veer too far in a particular direction? You're so predictable,” you add. To that I say:

1. Yeah, basically.

2. ...S-Shut up...

3. While the conclusion may be obvious, it's nonetheless important because as I mentioned previously, despite how straightforward this villain is, writers seem absolutely intent on not getting the point. There are loads of villains out there who share Eggman's talent of mixing hilarity and evil together with a bow of competence on top. Two of those villains are among the most famous supervillains of all time, in fact. You might have heard of them.

Joker can do it just fine. Green Goblin can do it just fine. And plenty of others can do it just fine. So why is it such an issue with Eggman? What is it about a round body and a long moustache that gets people to think “No, this guy is absolutely incapable of being comedic and threatening at the same time, no question, end of.” Is it because he’s a more cartoony franchise? Well, that can't be the case, because even Mario has a couple of beloved examples. Fawful, anyone? How about Dimentio? Cackletta? King Boo? K. Rool? Hell, you could even count Bowser himself depending on the portrayal.

Anyway, the point is, writers tend to miss the mark for one reason or another. With Sonic X for example, he wasn't too bad in the beginning, but as the show went on, he became exactly the toothless non-villain that many people misjudge him as. We all know that scene where he berates Black Narcissus for harming their captives (not for pragmatic reasons mind you, he genuinely took issue with the act on moral grounds, even though his own hands weren’t exactly clean either), but even before that point, he was doing such things as healing an injured Sonic without an ulterior motive, not taking any opportunity whatsoever to start conquering Sonic's world because he was pining for Sonic's attention, and being the Jiminy Cricket to Chris Thorndyke's Pinocchio. Why they thought the goddamn villain should be the moral conscience of this show remains an unanswered question, but at least it no longer influences how he's portrayed in the games.

Then you have the IDW comic, which is a similar tale of starting off decent and then careening wildly into the abyss, but for different reasons. Initially, he was built up to be in-line with his competent, foresight-packed self from Forces, with his inevitable return being met with dread, and a delightfully devilish scheme to match when he finally did so. But somewhere along the way, Ian Flynn thought that Eggman coming back from his amnesiac period and returning stronger than ever with a new minion and a deadly virus wasn't enough to up the stakes... so they decided to “up the stakes” by turning both the doctor and his new minion into massive imbeciles so as to justify their plot getting hijacked by the Deadly Six, a move so predictable yet infuriating that it got even me to turn against the Six. And the reason the Six got invited in-universe is because Starline decided he didn’t like being unique and devolved into Snively 2.0 behind Eggman’s back. All this from the alleged “best writer” for the series...

Yeah, same.

And then you have the Boom version, which shares basically the same issues as Sonic X but in a more mundane fashion. It's easier to dismiss because it's a comedy-centric show and his redesign makes it easier to separate him from mainline Eggman, and I'll gladly admit that he does have a lot of genuinely funny lines that redeem him a little bit. But yeah, too much of not being a true villain for my tastes.

Now this isn't to say that there haven't been portrayals in other media that are up there with the original. The versions that I consider better off than the ones above include...

- The OVA Eggman is pretty faithful all things considered, aside from his romantic feelings for Sara, which feels slightly off since the idea of Eggman loving anyone other than himself is incredibly unrealistic at best. But it doesn't actually soften or undermine his deviousness, so I'm willing to let it slide for an alternate take. Especially since he gave us the best Metal Sonic out there.

- AoStH is far from a perfect show, but there's a reason why even its detractors tend to treat its version of Robotnik like a national treasure. Admittedly most of that is because of the legendary Long John Baldry and the endless memes associated with this incarnation, but despite hailing from a comedy-focused show like Boom Eggman, this Robotnik still had a lot of legitimately dangerous moments, more than you'd think.

- And of course, Jim Carrey's Robotnik in the Sonic movie is just... *chef's kiss*

So obvious aesop though it may be, but you see what the more effective portrayals have in common, I assume?

Granted, this also isn't to say that SEGA Eggman himself has had a perfect track record. The decade's worth of upstagings and backstabbings by other villains should be enough of a counterpoint to that claim, and I've also made it clear now and then that I take issue with certain games regarding what they do with the doc, no matter how revered they may be by other fans. Sonic Adventure 2, for instance. I praised the fake emerald scene, and I do sincerely believe that he has a number of other badass moments in that game, but because Shadow was playing him like a fool the whole time, I can't help but have a bitter taste in my mouth when I look at the bigger picture.

So close to greatness, yet so far...

So in that case, which game do I think has Eggman's best showing overall? That's not in any way an easy question, but lack of dialogue aside, I'm gonna go with Sonic 3 & Knuckles again, as the classic journey through the sights of Angel Island plays out in a way that highlights just how determined, ruthless, and underhanded he is with carrying out his mission to revive the Death Egg by any means necessary. Other games do win out in other areas - SA1 for how bastardly he is, Forces for how cunning he is, Colours for his hilarious announcements, CD for using the scenery to show the effects of his actions, Mania for not letting the other villain walk all over him - but for the purest essence of the doctor at his cartoony yet competent best, I'd say S3&K is a reasonable bet.

And when it comes to all his many traits, which one do I find the most special one of all? Well again, far from easy to answer, but I think the coolest aspect about him is also one of the most overlooked. Robotnik, despite whatever superhuman qualities he may occasionally unveil, is for all intents and purposes a regular guy with a big brain. This might make him appear unimpressive when compared to your average Final Fantasy villain and the like, but if anything, it paints him in a more flattering light than expected, because he doesn't even need to be on their level to still be on the radar. It's easy to be a big bad threat when you're an ancient demon or an almighty god-like being, and you only have to wave a hand to cause armageddon. But when you're just Some Guy™ going up against superpowered opponents, meaning you have to earn your threat level the hard way, and you prove to be a challenge every step of the way regardless, because you're just THAT much of a genius... that's fucking awesome, no other way to put it.

And you know what else is awesome? You may not like Eggman, and you don’t have to like him, but like it or not, he is directly and indirectly responsible for a vast majority of the coolest and most loved moments and aspects of this franchise.

The opening to Unleashed? Eggman set up the scene.

Shadow running around and continuing to be part of the franchise? Eggman released him.

Blaze getting involved with Sonic’s world and continuing to be part of the franchise? Eggman’s half-responsible for that.

Metal Sonic? Eggman made him.

Egg Dragoon? Eggman.

Big Arm? Eggman.

Monkey Dude? Eggman.

That text is missing a blue checkmark.

This review is probably longer than the echidna family tree in Archie at this point, so I better finish it off. If it wasn't obvious from all the paragraphs I've belted out in this post, I'm very passionate about Eggman and the way he’s portrayed. Ever since I got into the Sonic franchise in 2003, I immediately took a liking to the doctor, and to this day, he remains not only my favourite Sonic villain, my favourite Sonic character, but also my favourite character period. Some may find it a weird or lame choice compared to other, “better” characters, but that's the way it is, and I ain't about to change it. I am very unlikely to ever stop enjoying the hell out of this villain, and even if he got irreversibly ruined in some way, I'd still continue to love what he was before that point.

Because yeah, he's not the deepest character ever, but... who cares? Is it not enough that we find something that appeals to us? When I got into Sonic, I was introduced to fantastic games, a likable cast, high quality soundtracks, beautiful worlds, numerous friends on this very site, and of course, the lovely treasure that is my partner. I may not have been with this franchise during the 90's, but it's given me just as much fun, nostalgia, and happiness as those who were. Despite the flawed titles, despite the fandom conundrums, I still love this series.

And I still love this absolute prick.

Crusher Gives Dr. Eggman a: TWO Thumbs Up!

#Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite?#Opinion #Sonic the Hedgehog #Dr. Ivo Robotnik

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redandfranticfeelings · 4 years ago

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Literally how are you gonna be out here stanning the game grumps people when you claim to be anti-racist and anti-pedophile lmfao

i mean i don’t support the few graphic pedophile jokes they made that were at the expense of victims, those were gross. (though i will say that it’s very much possible to joke at the expense of pedophiles themselves and be anti-pedophile.)

i also don’t support the racist jokes they made. i try to never engage in memes and fanart and other fandom material that involves those jokes (like the sad hoshi or yi lu jokes). arin and dan have disavowed the nasty humor they made over the years, to the degree of deleting many videos and even entire series with explicit racist humor, and while it doesn’t erase what they did and anybody has the right to be uncomfortable with them, i found it a more responsible move than many other youtubers who would just shrug it off as if it never happened.

i also refuse to watch any episode with jon jafari because i despise that man for his flagrant racism and misogyny, with abysmal arguments bordering on eugenicist logic. i don’t care how funny he is, i have always avoided his content. i gave up on a youtuber i used to love (mr enter) because he also became right wing and i could not support him in good faith.

honestly i expected an ask like this at some point but it’s 2021. “how can you support these people when they made [x] joke” is kind of lousy because it’s borderline impossible to find mainstream media without at least a microaggression, and if you call others out on what they enjoy, you should be just as critical of the media you enjoy. hell, i’d rather be called out on my own behavior than be chastised for the works i watch. i want to be more aware and actively helpful in a lot of these causes, and it seems more productive in the long term to have a discussion about ingrained prejudice than to center these discussions around a single piece of media. hell, this very ask is super unproductive because what if i didn’t know about those jokes? you’d just come in with an accusatory tone without actually informing anybody about what they did? how is that supposed to lead to a productive conversation on responsibly enjoying media?

there are people and works of art with more immediate potential for harm - i.e., the anti-sjw’s using youtube and twitter and other websites to indoctrinate young people into a right-wing cult mentality, often to the degree of neo-nazism - and i’d rather dedicate my efforts to that. this is why i refuse to watch content with jontron and pewdiepie and mrenter. arin and dan are far from perfect, as they are still privileged white guys, but i have more faith in them to be aware of what they’re doing and avoid making harmful jokes, as they do correct themselves and take some action to prevent further harm.

(sidenote: i don’t “stan” people anymore, at least not unironically. fuck stan culture. i really like the game grumps but i have a healthy parasocial relationship. i don’t harass people forcing them to like them, and i don’t expect arin or dan or anybody to owe me anything besides basic decency.)

#frankly i dont want to have conversations like this with total strangers on anon anyway #answers #Anonymous

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Toons for Our Times: The Casagrandes: Four Course Catchup

I take some time to catch up with everyone’s faviorite mexican-american family with a four course meal of shenanigans.

Mexican Makeover: The thorny issue of racial identity erasure is handled via a lot of costumes, spicy food and a second Sergio, which suprisingly isn’t my own personal hell. Then again giving rusty a brother wasn’t either so there’s a precident. Uptown Funk: Carl goes full Zach Morris, minus the white privlage, and marries Adelaide to get a free train ride, then let’s his hallucinations talk him into nearly killing everyone. At least the Leprechaun in the sandbox isn’t telling him to burn things anymore. Bo-Bo Business: Hector won’t respect Bobby’s genius new ideas so Bobby sets shop at the near by hong’s market and procedes to nearly get murdered by bunnies. Dear god Anya was right. Blunder Party: Ronnie Anne and Sid host their first event as a couple, a sleepover campout on the roof with their running crew. Adilade and Carl crash it causing their sibling and cousin to send the two on a dangerous scavenger hunt. As you do. Context for what’s going on the page image under the cut.

So yeah I originally wasn’t going to add the Casagrandes to regular coverage.... but what can I say. I had way more to talk about with the recent crop of episodes than I thought, the show often airs with loud house so it increases my coverage output and most importantly.. i’ts just damn good. While still having some kinks to work out, like forgetting to use CJ, the show is just really charming and uses i’ts premise well. So yeah when the show, at least according to the wiki, so expect full coverage of both this years halloween special and the show in full when it comes back in november... and with bobby being hypnotized into thinking he’s a cat apparently.. so yeah i’d be watching anyway, so why not go all in. .So with that out of the way we’ve got a lot of ground to cover so, Golpeteo de pitter, which is spanish for pitter patter... maybe. If google translate mangled that I apologize.

Mexican Makeover:

Like with our last bit of loud house coverage, we start with the least of the episodes first. That being said this one isn’t TERRIBLE, just a waste of a good concept and something intresting to explore. It’s also a real shame given this episode is written by Lalo Alcaraz, the writer of the comic strip La Cucaracha who works as a consultant on the show and previously wrote my favorite episode of the season, Croaked!, which we’ll be talking about soon. But he seems like a great guy, but everyone dosen’t bat a thousand. This episode centers around Rosa, whose mother Mama Lupe, and her parrot sidekick Paco, coming to visit. Paco is a recolor of sergio which actually explains a LOT honestly, as I now feel Sergio is the Quaks to Paco’s Squaks.

As in the crappy recolor who dosen’t have as many skills. As you can tell I don’t like Sergio much. He’s annoying, not very funny and only rarely has his moments and also spent one episode constnatly being obnoxious to Bobby, who as we’ve discussed and will soon discuss some more, is my boy. My precious baby boy. So bullying him is the equilvent of slapping me with a dueling glove. So yeah Paco is better than Sergio, being more laid back, less obnoxious.. and voiced by, of all people, legendary cartonist and the namesake of the parrot sergio, Sergio Aragones. I grew up with the guy in middle and high school as he frequently, and I belivie still does, work for parody magazine MAD Magazine, and while I haven’t read it also did 80′s indie comic Groo the Wanderer with Mark Evainer of Garfield and Friends Fame. The guy’s really damn funny and it was a real treat to find out he’s involved here, especailly since the namesakes for the loud pets have all sadly passed, so it’s nice at least one pet namesake between shows gets to guest star. But my fanboying aside, Rosa is worried she hasn’t been making her family Mexican enough and thus goes a bit absolutley nuts. She steals the kids clothes and replaces them with various traditional mexican outfits, which is a bit psycotic, and gives us a shot of carl’s ass when he compalins about his underwear being replaced, which...

Yes thank you wayne. I’m sure even some of the 7 year old’s watching this don’t want to see a fellow 7 year old’s butt. Stop that. There’s a reason the parent show stopped the gag of having Lincoln in his underwear all the time and it wasn’t just because only chris savino thought it was funny. It’s especially creepy given after Savino’s sexual harassment, John K’s reveal of being a pedophile and whatever Dan Schinder did they refuse to talk about to the public but has ciruclated around, you TIHNK the’yd be more congizant of not showing borderline child porn. I mean it’s one thing to have a kid in underpants for a gag it’s another to have a close up of his butt. Just stop. Stop. So the episode goes as you’d expect, Rosa keeps pushing things harder without explaining herself, including trying to force the kids to speak in spanish, feeding them extra spicy food and againt eh whole replacing their clothes thing.. which\ do look nice though and we do get that blessed image of bobby up top. The kids eventually confront Rosa who reveals she just dosent’ want to give her mom a heart attack, they go along with it with Sergio feeding ronnie anne spanish, which is nice continuity as her not knowing i’ts come up before, and everyone putting on a show.. which goes horribly wrong with super spicy food understandably not being built for a 80-100 year old woman, and while i’ts nice Bobby’s buddy par, we’ll cover their episode at some point too, shows up he also heavy metals so hard it knocks her over and destroys the painting, which yeah of course. Rosa comes clean and Lupe.. is entirely fine with it and feels that culture is more in values than in what you know about it, though she will teach them a few things because knowing where you came from is still important. Also Paco returns and.. why coudln’t both he and Lupe stay. For all my issues with the episode besides Carl’s butt shot, which we’ll get to in a second, I do really like Lupe and Paco is better than sergio in every way shape and form apart from the name. just color him read and have him smother sergio in his sleep and we’re up a better parot.

Final Thoughts for Mexican Makeover: This one was eh. I saved my thoughts on the main plot for here because it IS a topic worth talking about: loss of cultural idetntity, especailly for first or second generation, as our main kids and their parents are, kids, how to ballance the cultures, what really matters.. it’s all good, deep really senstiive topics that i’m in no way qulaified to entirley judge because i’m very much white and am not going to whitesplain topics that I have no personal experince with. But I can at least say they could’ve done MORE with this. For one thing Maria was absent, and it would’ve been REALLY intresting to get her take on it since Croaked! established she didn’t really give Ronnie Anne at the very least much of a lesson in their heritage. You can’t really BLAME HER: She works a demanding job, ended up having to raise them alone, and is tired a lot. As I said i’ts a VERY complex topic that’s created some VERY brilliant works around the subject, and while i’m not asking for “Moonlight... for Kids!” I am asking you to explore something like this. How aclimated the kids are to white culture is a topic worth exploring and could’ve been a special and while yes I know, it probably would’ve been “A Very Special Episode”..sometimes you need to tackle complex topics for kids. The Proud Family was also a screwball comedy, but it tackled the civil rights movement, xenophobia and other heavy subjects from time to time.. it also thought music piracy was the root of all evil but as I said no one bats a thousand. And it wouldn’t lack jokes as Alcaraz’s career is in satire: He knows how to write jokes about heavily charged topics and be clever about it on the freaking comics page, and given The Casagrandes like it’s sister show is basically a comic strip in animated form, he has the right format tow ork with it just ultimately becomes instead the cliche “person is coming time to hide everything we’ve been doing plot”, which has never been that good and is even worse on top of a more interesting idea. I don’t expect the show to be super deep all the time but I expect better than broaching a clearly difficult subject and not really giving it any weight.

Uptown Funk: Now we’re past the one I was eh on because I knew how it’d turn out, and somehow got even less on board as it wasted a good concept and good ideas, and to the one out of the four I was most pumped for. And of all things it was a CARL episode. I passingly mentioned last time I didn’t like Carl, and that opinon’s started to change. I’m still not a huge fan, his voice is grating and he STILL hasn’t given up on Lori seasons later after Clyde long has and the other show long regonized this was a bad idea. Buuut i’ve come to realize he has his moments, with Monster Cash, which i’ll cover very soon for Halloween Havoc, and this very episdoe which is utterly fantastic. Though part of that is also the supporting cast, who were the reason I was pumped. I talked abotu the Changs Breifly in my Operation Dad review but since Adalaide and Stanley are more promenent here and Becca will be, if not in person, in Croaked!, i’ll gladly dive into them. The Changs are the Casagrandes next door neighbors and EASILY one of the best parts of the show. A lovely interacial nuclear family, the four are all really likeable and distinct. I’ve talked about Sid before, so we’ll save more of that for in a bit. Stanley her dorky dad voiced by Kim Jeong who works as the subway conductor for Great Lakes City. He’s just a treat, in both sense of hte word, and really sweet interacting with his daughter and has a tendency to make small apperances due to Ronnie Anne and Sid riding the subway wherever they need to go. As i’ve said it’s nice to see Ken Jeong get to play a goofy, normal-ish dad and be funny without having to either play an over the top lunatic, weirdo or asshole. I love community but Chang could be a lot but this Chang is alright.. and probably dosen’t speak to his community college student brother that often for his family’s saftey. He does have Rabi Chang, his other brother over a lot though. Look if Teen Titans go can be jammed into the same multiverse as ok ko and steven universe, this show can take place in the same unvierse as community.

Becca is stan’s wife and the head zookeeper at the zoo as well as the runner of their various shows, voiced by melissa joan hart and while not around as mcuh as her husband, is still a delight and it’s a delight to have clarissa back. Also together with her husband they make one hell of a couple to get sandiwthced between.. and no shame there, and yes i’m aware they have kids, i’d be happy to help raise them. I”m no asshole.

Anyways speaking of those kids, we lastly have Adalaide, the star of this show and an adorable 6 year old and as Sid calls her “A sass bucket” which is accurate both for 6 year olds in general, and for this one, though like most kids her age she flips from being adorable to entirely blunt when warranted. She also has a Frog, named Froggy II. We’ll get into what happened to Froggy I and how she met Froggy II in October.

So yeah two of my faviorite side characters, I consider sid main, PLUS one of my other faviorites Vito in a supporting roll. What’s not to love? As for the plot Carl brushes off Adalaide, because he’s a little jerk festival, but changes his tune when he overhears Stanley offering to have Adilaide join him on the train even see the control. Carl being a fanboy for trains among many other things which I shall list now: Things Carl’s a Fanboy For: 1. Money 2. Petty Schemes 3. Zack Morris 4. The Ladies 5. AC Slater 6. Luchadores 7. Trains.

He naturally has his eyes light up like a christler buliding and given numbers 2 and 3 on the list quickly comes up with a scheme to get that train ride, since Stanely offered her a plus one. Granted he could’ve PROBABLY just asked Stanley for a ride and being the upstanding guy he is, and given Carl’s also a train nerd and stanley is their king, he would’ve said yes, but this is the same boy who thought his adult cousin’s same aged girlfriend would want to go out with him when said girlfriend lives in a house with at least 3 girls close to his age instead she could set him up with. The boy is more of a short term planner, like most schemers in fiction really, he sees the dollar signs like eddy from ed edd n eddy and has some good ideas, but not the more obvious solutions that aren’t as scheme based around him. I swear if this kid didn’t have a moral center this would be him in 50 years

I mean the only reason the boy hasn’t used sharks or explosives is because his parents and grandparents won’t’t let him.

Anyways Addie is skepteical for about 5 seconds and my one real complaint about the episode is it felt like she was genuinely skeptical, and playing him slightly with their games.. but it turns out nope she just genuinely bought it. But as smart as she is she’s also only 6, and her being adorably trusting works just as well. So they play games. They have a tea party, with carl wearing a truly glorious peacock that I guarnatee sid has worn both for playing with her sister and just to feel fancy. They then play with Froggy.. which gets uncomfotable as Adaladie forces Carl to kiss him, and then basically goes full on “NOW KISS” when it fails to turn froggy into a prince and Froggy runs because he wisely dosen’t want to make out with Carl, and is omly passable and not disturbing instead because she’s 6 and dosen’t know better. They then play chase froggy, which Carl wins but gets flies thrown at him in hte process so does he really? They get to their final game superheroes, with carly playing his faviorite el falcone.. but also being the hostage while Adalaide saves him because this is 2020, she don’t need to be no damsel in distress. And this to me is why the episode works.. Carl IS a huge jerk here, manipulating a younger child who just wants to be his friend to get a train ride he could’ve gotten just by asking her.. but he gets put through the ringer, and most of his “humilation” is stuff that isn’t that bad: Tea is alright, there’s no shame in wearing makeup or a veil, and being rescued by a woman is awesome. It’s just Carl’s own baby’s first toxic masuclinity that makes these situations minus kissing froggy uncomfortable, so it adds to it as Addy’s doing nothing wrong really and any pain on carl’s part is an accident on hers. She’s just an imaginatiee little lady and he’s jsut a jerk. But they pair well together his underserved ego with her adorablility and creativity and as we’ll see smarts. Part of the reason I was so excited is their one real scene togehter in monster cash, when Carl is throiwng everyon’es money back at them which is also the best bit of the episode and we’ll get to that when we cover it her response is a stern “Don’t you even dare” and he hands it back to her because you don’t mess with Addy.

Addy then brings up pretend marriage and while Carl has his first , and probably not last, panic attack over comitment he does realilze this can be used and gets his train ride over it, with the two taking Froggy along as their baby. But being Carl, he’s not ready for marriage to a strong judge on the supreme court who makes him change the diapers and humilaties him in public, whcih i’d be more upset about if again he didn’t deserve it. We also have VITO! Local itallian, the Mercado’s best customer and Hector’s only friend. He also has his two winer dogs with him which.. yes. Just yes. And they have matching hats and sweaters because Vito is the best. Hedecides to toss froggy and book it for the train car. Adalaide realizes she’s been played and is understandably pissed but sadly, needing to find her friend her husband threw, dosen’t storm into Stanley’s conductor car and throw him off the train.

Instead Carl geeks out with Stanley over the train, which means he probably is meant to marry into this family, and Stanley’s glart awards. When Stanley’s called away to deal with the frog fracas, Carl is left told not to touch anything. So the obvious happens.. Carl hallunciates a bunch of pre school level choo choos who tell him to press the button. I love .. everything about this. It’s just pure hilarity and insanity and I’m here for it and a really creative, and insane gag and a nice take on the shoulder devil trope.

Naturally Carl, being Carl, presses the big button which turns on the ac and then blasts Stan’s train mix. Which sadly isn’t just this over and over and over and over again.

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With Carl possibly banned from trains for life he naturally turns to his wife for help, who is none to happy with his bullshit, and not willing to help him because why would she? But Carl.. genuinely apologizes. It’s why I mentioned he has a moral center. Unlike say Zack morris 80% of hte time or Eddy from Ed Edd N Eddy at his worst, Carl can FEEL human emotions like guilt, and while he does need Addy’s help to not get in massive trouble, you can tell he genuinely feels bad about hurting her and is only asking because she’s his only hope and for the sake of the various passengers who if she dosen’t step in will go off the rails on a crazy train, she agrees. Turns out though Addy is pretty badass on top of being adorable, and uses Froggy II as a grappling hook, then turns out to have inherited her dad’s knowledge of trains, which was foreshadowed earlier as she said she’s gone with him a lot and was bored at his offer and won two time junior glart awards.. which given that likely includes teens and tweens, is Valeria Richards levels of acomplished. God damn kid. Kudos. Stanley gets understandably mad at carl But Addy covers for him and since she saved her dad’s awards, Carl can live.. and come back sometimes. Carl, first through his action figure then himself apologizes for being a jerk toa ddy and manipulating her.. a genuine one that shows he means it and finds she’s pretty cool. Gues this marriage CAN be saved. And so we end this episode as you’d expect.

No.. for one thing i’td be leprechaun-train monstrosity. For another the happy couple team up as superheros and thwart froggy being hit by a train , who greatfully smooches carl who, having grown, takes it in stride. Happy end

Final Thoughts: I love this one. It was funny, intresting and had carl develop as a character while fleshing addy out and giving us some great stanley stuff. It made having a jerk as the protagnist here work and made me go from begrudgingly liking carl to actuallyl iking him. while he’s pretty terrible here he suffers for most of his actions and learns from it, and he and Adelade ahve a great dynamic that we thankfully do indeed see again this very marathon. But first. IT’S BOBBY TIME.

Bo-Bo Buisness It’s my first episode starring Bobby on this blog and i’ts been TOO long and there will be more to come I promise. As i’ve made no secret of Bobby is my faviorite character here, and as you can tell that’s a tight race, and is just.. great here. The move to the city fleshed him out by giving him drive with his desire to run the mercado, franchise it, and go to buisness school to do all of it properly, while keeping his loveable sweetness, stupidity and relationship with Lori which has gone from deeply unhealthy to awwwwwwwww.

So naturally I was on board for another Bobby Bonaza, and this one like most of his eps is pretty good: This time around it focuses on Bobby’s hard work ethic and youthful energy..and it leading him AWAY from the mercado. Bobby tries setting up free wifi and a table like a cafe in the Mercado, but Hector flatly refuses and refuses anthing Bobby comes up with, citing his 30 years running the place sucessfully, while Bobby cites his less than a year of it and his book of ideas, though Hector refuses to budge. And what I like here is that while hector IS still the bad guy here, it’s not in a one dimensional “Jerk for the episode’ way this show’s sister episode tends to fall into. Or treating a character being a jerk like their the wronged party, or.. you get the idea. Point is hector has SOME points: He has run a small buisness in a huge city for 30 years, beating out gentrification, racisim, big buisness and other threats to run at thriving mercado, even with another market across the street. He also owns a sizeable apartment with room for two diffrent families, 5 adults, 6 kids, a dog and an asshole, and his wife is super for the building as a whole. He’s done MARVELOUSLY for himself and deserves to be proud and his stubborness likely comes from just how much he’s been able to acomplish while others fell around him. However.. Bobby is still sympathetic. It’s very clear working here is his dream job: His plan for his life is to expland the place into a franchise and run it himself one day, he’s the clear sucessor and Hector wont’ be around forever.. probably for a LONNNG time still, and his ghost will probably haunt the place with Rosa’s scolding him, but since ghosts can’t own property probably, someone has to take over. Bobby is his clear sucessor and his ideas aren’t bad.. poorly exceuted in this case, but not bad. As we’ll see in a bit the table idea can work, bobby just didn’t think it through and Hector could’ve HELPED HIM with it and as we’ll see most of the ideas Bobby ends up doing elsehwere are just common sense for this day and age and the one that isn’t is the one that does him in. But Hector, likely seeing any change as a threat to his bottom line and his legacy, rejects him out of hand. H’es likely scared that his protege can do BETTER, or worried that one wrong move could cost him his life’s work. I also find this ironic since a few episodes ago, though I still need to see it, Bobby himself had the same problem letting go and letting someone else control the buisness with his sister and cousins running the place while he had his anniversary with Lori. Bobby DESERVES to be given his shot.. and so when he decides to quit the mercado in a huff and take his table and his ideas with him.. you agree with him. Sure he’s leaving the family legacy.. but if Hector wont let him make it his own or appricate how much fucking work he does or love he has for the place, then what legacy is there? That got heavy. We get a great joke next as bobby makes a metaphor about the dinosaurs.. then wonders what happened to them and like me on any given day stops to google it.. and since he uses a laptop unlike me and my desktop computer or phone, and his table, he inadveratly sets up a table outside.. which fixes the problems with his idea, if by accident and impresses Mr.Hong the owner of a nearbye market who could use a fresh faced go getter like bobby and hires him right on sight and agrees to start putting his ideas in.

And the wifi table.. is a huge sucess and putting it outside gave the customers more room, so it fixes the one flaw in his plan, and serving out cafe and snacks I can’t prounounce or spell properly, bobby shows his idea WOULD have worked: instead of creating loiterers it simply gives customers like Vito, who pretty much lives at the Mercado anyway so why not, a place to sit, eat and check their email and stuff, and bobby’s a good enough salesman he can convince them to eat and given the mercado already has a customers only policy on toilets.. they could’ve just made the table purchase only, and once per hour, and their regulars would’ve lapepd it up. Hector refuses to accept this though and stews and drives sergio and carl away.. which yeah if you can out asshole Sergio, you may be the bad guy here. The two feud over dinner to their family’s confusion, and to Rosa’s annoyance and dope slaps when she spills her hard worked on food over their petty sniping but bobby’ sstar continues to rise with a music video for hongs including that bit seen above, rapping and just.. whatever the fuck that video was it was the third best rap in nick history behind that “nnnnnnick” rap and this.

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So yeah with the comeerical, Hongs has tons of customers, and Hector stews more. However things can’t be good forever, as the last 4 years have proven they can be bad for an especially long time but good? Sadly no, as Bobby gets what he always wanted: The keys to the store.. maybe not the store he wanted but still and gets to run hongs solo. Sadly though Bobby ends up fucking up, letting people bring their pets which wrecks the place, and ends up with bobby getting swarmed by an ever multiplying batch of bunnies.

As Bobby is cuddled to death, his exact words, Hector finally relents and saves the boy from literally drowning, and the two get the rabbits out.. but well with social media and all that hong knows what happen and bobby’s fired. But back at the Mercado, Hector rehires bobby, and genuinely apologizes. I do feel it comes a bit quick.. but I guess after your grandson almost got bunnied to death, you rethink your life choices. Bobby admits he was in over his head while Hector genuinely admits Bobby has good ideas and he was being a stubborn jackass and decides he can use them after all. Starting with the commerical where the two perform a nice mexican song, the whole family adorably dresses up like various mercado items as seen at the veyr top and we also get this.

Yes, yes to all of this. And we’re out.. for a moment then back in but you get it.

Final Thoughts for Bo Bo Buisness: While not the best Bobby episode, that would be the one that introduces Par and again i’ll get to that one, this one is still pretty good. While I do feel Hector turns around a bit quick, otherwise it’s funny enough and has enough character stuff with bobbby, even if i’ts mostly just from knowing him in this series to work out. I”m not ANTI-nonsense episodes, I just don’t want them there when ther’es clearly a way heavier issue your steping around. This wasn’t the BEST the series has done comedy wise but it was fun enough. Alright one more...

Blunder Party:

And we end on another pretty good one. And oddly for this show it’s the only Ronnie Anne focused one of the four. Usually she’s dead center but it seems the series is getting comfortable enough, much like it’s parent show, to ease out of focusing on just one character as the viewpoint and letting the others breathe. Still this was a good un and let’s talk about it.

It’s Party Time and Ronnie and Sid are having a sleepover on the roof. Their first party of a couple.. i’m so proud of by baby gays.. or gabies as I call them. I mean.. yes i’m not subtle with my shipping but they act less like close friends and more like two tiny lebisan awww factories. Anywho the whole crew’s here, which as with a lot of things this episode let’s talk about them: Casey, Nikki and Sameeer were introduced in a loud house I haven’t seen and naturally carried over to the show proper, showing up when Lincoln visted in an episode I will defintely cover at some point, and accepting Ronnie Anne wasn’t a born city kid. They have neat designs, are nicely diverse, and while lthey do need some fleshing out, given that like Lincoln’s own friend team squad they show up in a good chunk of ronnie anne episodes, we got time for that so we’re good. There’s also new addition Laird, the school’s own screech powers, and your standard awkward dork whose not that great. So yes even this group has a waste of a character, though he’s not AS bad as rusty or useless as Liam, just feeling a bit less essentail than Ronnie Anne’s running crew, who match her general vibne, and Sid whose her soulmate.

But as the pizza arrives via Sergio, because he has to be useful at least once, our heroes soon find the party crashed by Great Lakes City’s newest power couple: Carl and Adelaide! Looking like their fucking team rocket. Seriously I had other options for this episode, including bobby sliding around on his back comically, so it says something just how great that iamge is and how fucking gloriously smug yet awesome they look.

The two want to join and even outdo the big kids at stretcing and flinging pizza, but as many little siblings like myself know all too well, the big siblings don’t want you there. I can’t count the number of times I wanted to hang with my brothers friends, but he refused frome lementary all the way up to high school. It was maddening. SO I sympathize with them, but i’ve grown tor ealize grown up kids want to have their own time and fun so I sympathize with both parties: Carl and Addy just want pizza and games and to hang with the big kids and Ronnie Anne and Sid just want to host a party as a couple without watching their siblings.

However Carl forces a compromise.. by using his special mood.. whining loudly and summoning Rosa.. whos eriously just.. teleports behind the kids. I thought only Lucy could do that in this unvierse. Respect.

Rosa however is resonable. While she dosen’t want the kids to be excluded, and it’s understandable and nice of her: The kids just wan’t to feel included and Rosa is resonable enough to say they will have to leave eventually wehn it’s time for bed. A fair compromise. Also i’d wonder why Adelaide is here but I assume the Chang Parents had her come over there, which Rosa being the lovely person she is agreed to. I didn’t get into her above but I do like Rosa a lot as a character as she’s a resonable authority figure.. but liable to slip into her own foibles, and is kind and loving with her family if strong and strict when she needs to lower the boom. Mostly on Hector who i’m amazed survived last episode and getting his own grandson to leave in one piece.

But yeah I mean I can only imagine what’s going on there...

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Also sex obviously, but since I obviously can’t and won’t show you that, have this video to jodeci’s freak n you instead and let your imagination fill the blanks if you want.

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I will use this song any time I can. Anyway, Sid being the peach she is tries to convince Ronnie anne all is not lost. Earlier she used a metaphor saying how they had all the perfect ingredents like a smore, and now adds pizzza.. which ot be fair a pizza smore, but using bagles or something sounds great, but pizza on a smore sounds like my own personal hell.. though Sid likes it so i’ll let it live.. for now. That’s also why Sergio is alive. FOr now.

But even sid has a limit and the power couple soon break those: An attempted scary ghost story session goes bad as they break poor sameer by predicting eveyr story he has even the one the poor kid wings, and he and his prehinsile hair are sad. Cheer up kid at least you can probably go live on Krakoa at some point. Free health care, free housing, living on a giant paradise. Good stuff.

The two then ruin an attempted dance party, which unlike the above which was just bad timing, this time their just obnoxious as addy wnats to ballet, and Carl wants to... put it to his butt whle playing fart noises. Okay for starters.

Secondly if he wanted to do that he could’ve got a cd of Nickleback cheaper and no one would’ve noticed.. then again they might of thought the poor boy had Dihera. Somehow this isn’t the last draw. Nikki, being a real one, holds a gross drink contest which carl spits out on the crowd.. which really WHAT DID YOU ALL EXPECT. This is how those things end. WIth spit up and fury.

Anyways enough is enough, so our ambigiously gay duo hatch a plan and send the little kids on a scavanger hunt. So while the Ronnie’s Running Crew have fun, and spot bobby and his best buddy par and bobby flop on some mangos and slide around on mango juice all episode as a result, the dream team work on getting that list done. From getting one of Hector’s nosehairs to Mr. Nakamura’s faviorite sweatervest (which takes a while) , to Carlota’s diary they do it with flair. Of note is the two having to steal Sergio’s crackes.. and nearly getting murdeered by the parot who seriously looks like he’s about to skin a child.. thankfully when HE does a shining by crashing through the door, he just gets stuck so no child murder tonight. Horay! Well until Carlota finds out her diary missing then this happens.

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But things get dire when the kids think they see the smaller kids get stuck in par’s truck. Thankfully bobby knows where his best friend is at all times, because he’s consdierate and knows where he’s headed next, and the kids end up following him, while Sameer stays behind to distract with his hair puppets since Rosa wants to little ones to go to bed.

Sid and Ronnie anne and co head to the dump , shenagins insue and they think they lost their sibling and cousin.. only to find them, the two having gotten a mango that looks like Vito and won.. and Sid and Ronnie apologizing and admitting their scam. In a nice bit though while Carl gets upset, Addy quickly points out they DID ruin their fun, and crash the party, and Carl begrudingly admits he’s wrong. Again, keep them married show. Carl needs Addy to keep him honest and Addy needs carl to hide the bodies of her enmies. They make a good pair, just like their big sis and cousin.

Anyways, Ronnie Anne and Sid ask to have the kids for just a bit longer to repair them and again this is why I repsect Rosa. She finds out the kids disobeyed her or at least found a loophole but isn’t mad and gets both sides learned from it. Our kidlets get a giant ass smore for their heroic efforrts, Nikki returns Carlota’s diary in secret to avoid their deaths while Sergio is arrested for attempted murder of two minors. A good night all around. Bobby joins in to close out, which isn’t met with any resitance because who dosen’t love bobby, while Hector wakes up to the vito mango and wonders what happened to him.. okay apparently Vito’s been turned into a non-sapient piece of fruit before and I want details show. Final Thoughts Finally: A pretty good one. Carly and Adleadie continue to prove to a hell of a combo, whie the proven dream team of Sid and Ronnie Anne work well off their younger counterparts. It overall leads to a fun episode with lots of great gags.. and also bobby sliding around on his back comically like he’s a goddamn roomba and I am hear for it. Just overally really good stuff and a really fun plot. This really feels like stife of the party done right. Both sides screw up but make up instead of one just getting their way because protaganist. And overall this batch of episodes was really damn good and I look forward to watching the series reguarlly from now on. Until then, just one more day then this blog gets all spooky! SO stay tuned, stay safe and go team venture! Play us out nickleback! WAIT WHY DID i SAY THAT NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOO

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wolfpawn · 5 years ago

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Life is a Game of Risks, Chapter 47

Chapter Summary - Tom plans to mention Hampstead Hill to Alexianna, when it is forced out, Alexianna learns a shocking revelation

TRIGGERS - Past domestic abuse, Past emotional abuse, Past sexual abuse.

NOTES - TBH this is a hard one, there are so many reasons to act as Daniel AND Alexianna react to this news and one is as valid as the other in this situation. Obviously, where sexual and physical abuse are involved, there is less room to even debate it, but Dan and Lexi both have valid points for them.

Previous Chapter

Tags: @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @theoneanna

Request if you wish to be tagged

The situation with the school improved somewhat after the meeting. Shawn and Lily were kept at different tables for classroom activities and during lunchtime, the headmaster and teachers kept a close eye on how Shawn interacted with Lily. As a result of correcting him when he became aggressive, he settled a little more and Lily, as was the norm for the friendly child, was more inclined to speak with him, if only to say hello in passing.

Tom was apprehensive about referring to Hampstead Hill, he knew it could cause an issue if Alexianna was not in the right mind for it.

When they were having a lazy day together, the three of them watched Coco, and after the movie, Alexianna asked Lily to take off her jumper as it had gotten some juice on it and it had gotten stained.

“Tom, have you anything you want washed, I may as well do everything I can in one go?” Alexianna asked cheerfully.

“Actually, I have a few things in my overnight bag.” He went to get up and get them.

“I'll grab them, I have to get some of my own laundry also.” She dismissed as she walked to the stairs and up to her room. She opened the part of the bag that Tom left his dirty clothes and took them out and placed them in the basket after turning them inside out but noting there was only one sock. She checked the bag again but to no avail so she looked under the bed and did not see it there either. Going to the top of the stairs she called down. “Tom, you're missing a sock.”

A moment later he came to the stairs with Lily in front of him and walked up behind her. “Did you check the rest of the bag?”

“No, you keep contracts in that thing from time to time.” She pointed out. “Not to mention other things on occasion.”

Tom waited for Lily to rush into the room before leaning in close to Alexianna so to whisper and not let the child hear them. “Considering you use those other things with me, I cannot see the issue with you seeing them. Which reminds me, we put them in the far side bed locker, right?”

“We did.” She confirmed.

“Good, I don't think I could handle a 'Daddy, what are those’ right now. I am terrified she will think they are balloons.”

Alexianna snorted as they walked into the room before the laughter started.

“What's so funny, Mummy?”

“Nothing, Princess.” She dismissed. “Tom said we have to play sock detectives and it sounds silly.”

Lily giggled. “It sounds super silly.”

“Really?” Tom joked, grabbing her and playfully pretending to throw her onto the bed before carefully landing her on it. “I think you are being super silly.” Lily erupted in fresh giggles. “You have silly giggles too.”

Alexianna had planned on trying to find the missing sock but seeing Tom and Lily acting ridiculous, she merely sighed and joined in. “Those aren't her full giggles, these are...” She then jumped onto the bed and attacked Lily with tickles, the child becoming nothing but fits of laughter as her mother went to all of her favourite spots, Tom chuckling next to them.

“Stop Mommy.” As soon as Alexianna heard her daughter, she ceased. Lily beamed brightly loving when her mother showed her playful side, something Alexianna was always trying to balance with having to raise her daughter. “Okay, more.” Alexianna just smiled lovingly as she went to her favourite spots once more.

Tom chuckled again as he went to his bag and looked around to see if the sock was there. He pulled out a few things, including his laptop and looked around.

“What's this?” It was Lily that asked the question.

“Lily, don't go at things that are not your business.” Alexianna chastised.

“But that's my name.” Lily pointed to a piece of the paper with her first name clear on it.

Alexianna had not paid any heed to the contents of the bag until Lily pointed to the page in question, then she found herself focusing on her daughter's name before reading the heading on the page before looking back to Tom who was looking a tad sheepish. “Tom?”

“I…”

“Mummy, it's the pretty school and they have horses.” Lily had ceased looking at the cover letter she had found and was looking through the Hampstead Hill prospectus. “Are there horses at the school? Where do they run around?”

“No, Sweetie, they are probably at a stables outside the city, there is no room for them in the campus.” Her mother explained. “Tom?”

“I just asked for a prospectus.”

“But it is personalized, it has her name on it, and yours.”

“Yes, I rang them about it, they asked for her name, obviously and her she, her year, her school, all of the above and…”

“Can I ask why?”

'I want her to get the best education and with everything with Shawn and all that…” He explained. Alexianna nodded slightly but said nothing as she thought about his words. “I was going to talk to you about it later.”

“I gathered, since you had it with you.” Alexianna looked at her daughter who was looking at the pictures in the book with keen interest. “Dare I ask what your plan for it is?”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, it is eleven hundred a month? You know I cannot afford that, I am stretched to my limit as...” She paused and looked at Lily. “Later.” She stated, knowing better than to say anything else in front of Lily.

Tom nodded and watched for demeanour. It was a tad stiffer than it had been before seeing the booklet, but she still remained more or less the same as she had been before.

By the time Lily went to bed, she had looked at every picture a hundred times. Both Tom and Alexianna had attempted to take it from her, but she would not leave it out of her hands, mostly because of the horse picture, her current obsession being horses.

Tom went for a shower after they put Lily to bed and readied himself for the discussion with Alexianna. He had been shocked that she had not reacted to even the idea of the school as she had to the toy those few months before. He knew that with the school situation, she would be much more receptive to such things but he had not thought she would be so calm regarding it all. He hoped that she would be willing to listen as calmly with Lily not present.

When he went back to the living area, Alexianna was looking at the school prospectus sadly. “Lexi?”

“This school is incredible.” She looked at it. “It has everything.” She put it down.

“It is brilliant, everything from the school dinner to the activities, you pay for quality.” Tom agreed.

“I can't...Tom, you know I cannot even consider this.”

“I know you are pushing yourself as much as you can financially so…”

“Tom, you can't possibly expect me to allow this. I can't. I mean, I don't want an argument regarding this but I…”

“Firstly, thank you for actually listening to me earlier.” He smiled. “Secondly, I actually spoke with Daniel…”

“No, Tom. No, I am not your problem, or Daniel's for that matter and Lily…”

“Lexi, please, just listen. Please?” She said nothing. “Dan met someone on a trip back to shore.” Alexianna frowned. “Your father.”

“What?”

“Yes, he met him and, well, I think you need to speak with Daniel about it.”

Shocked by the revelation, Alexianna grabbed her phone and rang her brother. After a few rings, her brother answered. “Hello, Al.” The manner her brother answered her, it was clear Tom had forewarned him of an imminent call from his little sister. “So, how are you?”

“Daniel, Tom just told me you met Oliver.”

Neither sibling, like with their mother, called their father by anything other than his given name.

“I did.”

“What...what happened?”

“Nothing really. Asked me was I actually me, apparently, I look like his father, I told him I wouldn't know, would I? Then he asked what I was doing with myself and if I was married, I said no, then he asked about you too. I told him the truth, that you had a bad accident in college, ended up with an abusive piece of shit and that you were thankfully divorced and raising your daughter.” Alexianna was not overly pleased by that. “He was actually curious about her and asked about her and where she was in school, I told him and he seemed somewhat insulted it was a state one, I told him if it offended him that much, he should find something more appropriate.”

“What?”

“Well, Tom and I had discussed the whole Hampstead Hill thing before that and I said that if he wanted his granddaughter in a good independent school, there was one near you for eleven hundred a month if he was willing to put his money where his mouth was. You were busy funding living in a good apartment in a good area of London and college and her biological father wouldn't pay a penny, so…”

“So what?”

“He said he'll pay it.”

“What?”

“Oliver will pay her school fees if you want her in Hampstead Hill.” Daniel stated plainly. “With all due respect, Al, I know she is your daughter, not mine, but...I really think you should do this, for Lily. I Googled the place, it's incredible.”

“I know, I just read the prospectus. I…Why would he...he never bothered with us?”

“Apparently, Marie made it too hard.” She did not respond. “Yes, I told him that was a lazy excuse. He wanted to make something of amends, I think. You know how he was obsessed with education. The idea of his granddaughter being in a state school would personal affront to him, I think. I think this is his way of starting to make up for everything.”

“I'm not sure, what does he want from this, no one funds something like this for no personal gain.”

“He remarried.” Alexianna frowned. “Yes, she never had kids, apparently they were not for her, which of course, is fair enough and on hearing about us and ..”

“I am not whoring my daughter as some grandchild for hire to him and his wife. I rather send her to the worst school in Britain.” Alexianna declared angrily.

“I said that too but no, this is not about that, apparently. He is willing to do it all legally if you want, sign over whatever she needs for education into a special bank account and never hear from him again if you want…”

“Dan, you know that saying 'If something is too good to be true then it probably is'?”

“Look, Al, meet him yourself if you want...I truly think he has realised he was a shit father and, well…I want to give him a chance, I think he realised his wrongdoings, I don’t know, I just am going to see how it goes. He gave me his number and told me to extend it to you too. I'll text it on, decide what you will for you but if you want my input, I think you should take it, for Lily. Sign his little waiver if you feel really unsettled but don't turn down Hampstead Hill. It's the opportunity of a lifetime for her. That's my input.”

“Okay, I'll think about it.”

“You'll let me know either way, won't you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well I better go here. Anna and I want you all to visit soon, think about that too, alright?”

“Yeah, I was thinking about that, maybe after the Isle of Wight sometime.”

“Sounds like a plan, don't leave it too long to talk.”

“I promise. Bye, Dan.” After her brother said his goodbyes she hung up.

Thomas studied her face intently. “You look like you are going to decline.”

“You know what I hated when I was growing up? How little he cared. I swore if Oliver ever came back wanting to get to know me, I would not do it. I mean, James left your home but he was always part of your lives, Oliver thought a private education was all he needed to do to soothe his conscience, that's all he is doing now too. I get why Dan wants to get to know him, but for me...I don't know. If I do, am I setting up a situation where Lily will try the same with Jonathan if he ever decides that he wanted another chance? I cannot risk that. And why now?”

“What do you mean?”

“He had twenty-odd years, why now? I am just suspicious, is it for her, his wife, is it even more sinister, I mean, I get seen with you and all of a sudden, my father is back and willing to spend God knows how much on Lily's education. I mean, it is eleven hundred a month right now, what will it be when she is eighteen, what if she gets Oxford or Cambridge like us? Will he fund that too? Why? Why is he doing it?”

Tom could not answer her. He knew Oliver Hughes was big in finance and in London, then he moved to the States apparently with the company, so yes, there was little doubt, if he had been intelligent with his money that he would have earned a significant amount over the years, but calculating that Lily had at least more a decade in education before even heading to college, it was a fair question. Education was getting more expensive, so of course, her fees would rise, he had not thought of it from that aspect. “Think about it, Lexi. Take time and think.”

“Dan thinks we should take it and so do you.”

“If you do not want Oliver involved, and I can understand why, I would do it for you, Lexi, in a heartbeat, for both of you but I know you don't want this to be how we do this. I think the Hill is the place for her, that I am certain of, she will do so well there and their program is incredible. If it were up to me, I would have her start there in September.” He stated plainly and honestly.

“Thank you.”

“Whatever for?”

“Talking to me about this as you have. After the toy incident, I cannot imagine this to be something you were overly excited to speak with me about. And thank you for your honest opinion.”

“Your sessions have done so much for us, allowing us to talk more openly. I am not pointing a finger at you, by the way, I am saying that I am learning from what you say Barrows said about communication and applying it to us too.” Alexianna gave a small smile. “What do you think of it all?” she inhaled deeply and said nothing as she thought about it.

#Life is a Game of Risks #chapter 47 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

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philester · 6 years ago

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my II Experience

Hey, a bunch of you guys have been asking me my experience and honestly I wanted to tell y’all how amazing it was but I was still on the high from the show and friends last night. I’ll put everything about the show under the cute and everything before the show before the cut! It was honestly one of the best nights of my life and it was so great to meet up with a bunch of amazing people! I will never forget this night :’)

Before the Meet & Greet:

I didn’t take a picture of the thank you note, but I made a little doodle and thank you note of the II team and I gave it to Ryann as she was by the merch table when I arrived

I was lowkey intimidated by her so I made @haleykynz @danisonfire @gryphll @bellesandtea come with me ajhsdka (also I fuckin love these guys...v talented people)

Ryann said thanks and smiled really big and then went inside to show the rest of the crew

While we were waiting outside, some people started airdropping random shit kashdlaskjd (see below...its not letting me post it up here)

when I got to the security check I had my lanyard in my backpack and I always carry pepper spray with me so they told me I couldn’t go in with the spray sakdhkajsd so i literally ran back to the car, chucked the spray, and ran back and then i was v sweaty (thankfully the car was less than a 5 min walk)

Marianne (icon) was organizing us inside and went over the general rules of the meet and greet

they dropped the video right before the meet n greet asldjhaksjd i hate them

DnP came out, and we all lost our shit and started hyperventilating and some of the people around our group were like...wtf???

DnP were both wearing black and god was REAL because I just wanted Phil to either be wearing glasses or black and the universe listened to me and had phil wear black

Meet & Greet

OMG ailhdsjlasdjaksdkjhaslkjdhajsdhakjsdhljkasdlkjasdkljalksjdlkajsd

for my letter, I actually had a thicc envelope because not only did I have my actual letter, I printed out the entire script of the Bee Movie and I wish I can see their expressions of whenever they saw my letter ajdhaksld

I filmed for Haley, and I freaked out and almost forgot cause they were so beautiful and I couldn’t stop staring at how good they looked

Haley and I switched places, and Dan gave met he softest look EVER and Phil did this cute ass smile and they were both like hello :’)

I looked at Phil again up close and blacked out

In the time I blacked out I gave them both a hug (they both smelled good, their voices were so much deeper, I almost cried; Phil was so nice to hug cause he is so skinny and I just wrapped my arms around his torso; Dan was like a bear...he was so soft and while it was his usual side hug it was still so nice)

I deemed myself unworthy of looking at Phil because he was just so beautiful so I remember looking at Dan a bit more but I would black out every time I switched to look at Phil

I had them sign a bro post and I lowkey don’t remember if they said anything about it because I was too busy rehearsing my dumb joke in my head

I asked dnp “if their thighs were sore from all the squatting they’ve been doing at meet and greets” KJLHADLKJASD

They both chuckled and I almost nut because their voices were so deep and then Phil was like “ah quite a bit” and Dan was like “haha yes this is the most exercise we’ve done in a few weeks”

we did our poses and I was so close to the THIDDIES

after the meet and greet haley and I literally had to stop to catch our breaths and like just not faint akshjdkajsd

After Meet & Greet and in between show

Our group recollected downstairs and we literally just all were trying to breathe and we shared our experiences with each other

We went out to buy some merch and I saw @philtrovert (hi Amy) and another girl whose name I forgot to ask

also we met @hey-laura right before the show started! queen!!!

also I met @thesquishtm right at the end after the show !!!

Show under the cut

The Show:

I was sitting in the 3rd row and I was so close I could see them SO CLEARLY and despite my blacking out when I originally saw Phil, I was able to see him during the entire show and he was so hot FUCK

literally felt bad for Alana cause I kept on saying how hot he was every 5 minutes

also Dan does have an ass asjkdhaskd

Dan did the fuckin naruto run

one of the truth bombs for what they’ve got hidden from each other was that Dan and Phil have shrines of each other and Dan’s shrine for Phil is just his dead houseplants and Phil’s shrine for him is dan’s head made out of bubble gum

Dan writes shrek x donkey x self insert reader fic from his secret wattpad account

Phil fuckin DABBED because for truth bombs someone was like Phil actually wants to be Part of Team 10 aklsdhlaksjd

also apparently our show was really different compared to the rest of the shows in terms of the survey...a lot of the results they saw they weren’t expecting based on previous shows

There was so much dabbing...why

In the simulation, we chose all the evil ones obviously and Phil ended up being with Satan and a creepy ass picture of Dan popped up and jumpscared me and Dan ended up being dead after going through a Lady door at a furry convention and dying because his tail got caught

Phil was really hot

In Dan’s box the options were hiding snacks from Phil, his houseplant shrine to Phil, and Kidz Bop tickets

Phil was fuckin deaf (poor old man i love him) and he came close to us and tried to hear what we were saying for like 5 minutes when someone said Kidz Bop

also the Kidz Bop on the Scroll was written Kids Bop but the s was crossed out and a Z was written over it ajkhdsakls

they talked a lot about how our actions have consequences and I know they were joking but also like calling the phandom in general out aklsdhasj

Phil was so beautiful and pretty

Our collective name was Linda

Dan was on the wheel and Phil missed all three times but he was close to Dan’s nips like 2/3 times

when phil came out wearing that torturing outfit...GOD HELP ME I FUCK HE LOOKED GOOD

Phil Lester’s nipple kink was THRIVING like nipples were mentioned a total of 6 times throughout the show

everyone started screaming when Dan stripped asdlhjasd

Phil was so cute holy fuck

Dan was cute too I guess I kinda loved him a lot and I wanted to just hold him

They did phantastic facts :’) got bless

Dan literally knew all the Phil questions and he called himself Phil trash #1

the question was “what was Phil’s second music video” and he guessed Toxic which was right

Phil was asked what Dan’s 2nd favorite color was and he literally could have said grey which was a normal answer but he said purple and got it wrong (Dan said it was silver)

the X rated Lester, Phil literally won all the times like UGH HIS MIND!

Dan had to make punching a baby & mayonnaise sound good rip akldhaskjd

Phil had to make “your sweet old grandma” sound bad and for the other 3 times he literally tied everything back to the sweet grandma actually being evil

THEY SAID MY FUCKIN NAME I DIED AND CRIED AND SHAT MYSELF AT THE SAME TIME I AJSHDKAJSDLKHAJSDKAJS DLKAHSDKJAHSLKDJHASKLDKASD

DAN SAID MY NAME AS AYNOOSH BUT SAID IT SUPER BRITISH AND HE’S VALID FOR IT

MY QUESTION WAS FOR THE DILEMMA AND PHIL HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HIM GETTING ALL OF DAN’S CEREAL BUT IN TURN PHIL HAD TO SHARE HALF HIS STASH OF SWEETS WITH DAN BUT PHIL SAID NO HE WOULDNT I CANT BELIEVE I CAUSED #PHANDIVORCE

THEY SAID MY NAME AND ALL MY FRIENDS SCREAMED WHEN THEY HEARD MY NAME SAKJDHAKSJD

god bless @whatthepeoplewant for recording it I owe you my life literally

Dan would have to give up the Internet but Phil would die and Dan chose to save Phil and everyone was like awwwww

like bitch he couldn’t live a day without Phil,,,,,

for II worst predictions someone was like Kathryn would come onstage and Dan proposes and LITERALLY EVERYONE DIED BUT YALL KNOW DNP they turned around the words and said that dan would propose to kathryn and then Phil called dan his stepdad so...@ fic writers....

phil looked so fuckin amazing

Phil’s disstrack was funny as hell and Dan used a air gun to shoot out capita£ester bucks in the air ICONIC

When Dan and Phil started singing I was clutching my left boob the entire time and I was teary eyed, especially at the part when they said that they never imagined they would get this far

All in all, it was one of the best nights of my life and I met some amazing people! I wish I could relive it again every day but alas, reality. I’m so happy and the post II depression hasn’t hit yet but I know it will soon and :(. I felt so much love and laughter yesterday, and seeing dnp live was such an amazing experience. I’m sorry if I sounded like I was bragging or something but I’m not I just wrote everything so I have all my memories accurate. Thank you to everyone who sent me an ask or commented on my pictures on instagram! I hope this was a good summary for you guys!

#mine #anush announces #ii spoilers

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filisaceaf · 6 years ago

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oof ok i have a lot so you can choose (phan aus for the headcanons ask): detective au (one or both of them), au where dan is still a fan/never met phil in 2009, supernatural au (one of them is not human), x-men-type mutants au, hogwarts au (i had to :p)

You wanted only one AU you said? I’m sorry, Phan is my hyperfocus of the month so it looks like you win the headcannons of 3/5 the AUs and you know what? I’m not even sorry my homie.

This is long so I threw it under a cut.

Detective AU

1. Okay so, one would think Dan is the detective with his charming good looks who could get him into locations easily and charm people but Phil is actually a great detective because even though he’s tall, he just lives his life wanting to help people find something lost or someone missing or make sure people are not being unfairly treated. Dan is more his handler, part secretary (look someone needs to make sense of Phil’s notes, file them in a way that makes sense and is easily accessible to other people, and make sure Phil doesn’t overwork himself into a migraine like he has the past three weeks) and part paralegal at Phil’s little detective agency. He is very protective of his boss.

2. Phil loves being a detective. He doesn’t like to “spill tea” on clients like some people like to think he does, but he likes helping 80 year old women who were robbed get their wedding rings back or help someone find their missing child (he wishes those cases turned out a lot better than they usually do, but at the very least he helps people begin to grieve). He likes helping find justice and is actually pretty particular about what cases he’ll take. He hates doing cases about people thinking their spouses are cheating and really he does those if he’s desperate to make sure that he can pay Dan and his bills.

3. You can pry this one from my cold dead hands but Phil definitely has a corgi named Watson that he likes to dress up in plaid. Watson comes to the office with Phil because of long hours and has a little bed under Phil’s obnoxiously large desk that he bought specifically so he could have a bed for Watson there. Phil likes to pretend he’s hurt by Watson also curling up under Dan’s desk (but really he just goes soft for Dan’s voice going high pitched and “hello Watson”).

4. Dan is not a lawyer in the AU, but he did complete a paralegal program! As a paralegal, Dan can do legal research for anyone, but usually he does it for any jobs Phil did that end up needing to go to court. He can also draft legal documents and is also a notary; he just can’t legally represent anyone in court. Dan likes to joke that he is a slacker to the fact that “I’m a lawyer, but the bare minimum of one”. They met at college when Phil was in his last year of majoring in criminal justice and media studies and Dan was still on the track to wanting to be a lawyer. He took a gap (period) of years, had an existential crisis, became better friends with Phil during that time. Phil originally started his detective agency with another partner and when they left, Dan took over the secretarial side of things. It took him a few years, but he eventually went back to school to finish his paralegal certificate and Phil cheered the loudest at his graduation ceremony.

5. I don’t know how these two get together in the AU, but just know it is a slow burn. Like literal years and months and eons of mutual pining with them taking Watson on walks and late nights at the office and shared coffee runs and Dan always being scared Phil is going to do something super dangerous for his health like climb in a vent or park to close to a gangster’s house and get shot. After they get together, they do agree that Dan should get a another job because working together and living together with Phil’s unpredictable schedule was causing some fights for a long period of time (because they didn’t live together before this point). Dan does still stop by pretty often and double check the secretaries work and curl up in the corner of the sofa of Phil’s office (“Dan’s sofa crease” Phil affectionately calls it) and work on stuff for his other job at a nonprofit for mental health awareness.

Dan is a Fanboy and Literally the Biggest Philly AU (The barely alternate timeline tbh)

1. So, this is literally always my favorite kind of AU and I have a lot of soft feelings about these boys always managing to find each other somehow. But yes, Dan got discouraged after the like 100th time of subtweeting Phil and commenting on his videos and not getting a response, he never reached out to Phil for editing tips. Instead!!! He reaches out to a few other YouTubers years later when he’s going through his existential crisis and he’s like “you know, the last time i was happy was when I on YouTube all the time”. So he takes a gap year in university to try and see if it’s something he likes doing. He was not expecting for his channel to be well received. It takes him ages to figure out the jumpcut thing.

2. Because he never got to know Phil as young as he did, when they first meet at Summer In the City, Dan is actively trying not to lose his shit. Because holy fuck. This is Amazing Phil. This is the guy who he would play in the background while he studied and would donate so much on live streams and upvote and fuck he’s wearing some OG Phil merch with Lion on it. He walks around all day with his jacket zipped up because Phil can’t know he’s a fan; Phil is so smart and creative and funny and god. He’s completely turned upside down when Phil sees him and approaches him because “you’re danny’s snot on fire, right?”

Dan never regretted a username more in HIS LIFE and this exact moment lead to his rebranding months later

3. But they exchanged contact information and eventually did a collab video: Phil is Not on Fire. And they whole time, Dan is trying not to breathe too deep or do anything annoying because he’s in Phil’s bedroom??? His filming area??? His pants are on the floor like two feet away??? And when the tackle happens, Dan hopes he didn’t get a concussion and hallucinated the whole thing because Phil is warm and grinning at him with his tongue sticking out and holy shit, this is better than any video, gif, screen redraw, anything. Seeing it up close???

4. Phil doesn’t even notice Dan’s a fan until him and Jimmy do a ‘What’s in my tumblr tag?’ and Dan’s blog comes up with some Phil gif reblogs from back in the day and Phil just messages Dan screenshots. Dan is mortified. He’s going to delete his tumblr. He’s not Tyler (not that Tyler is bad, they’ve messaged a few times, but Dan’s not a /fanboy/ ((lmao he is))). Phil just giggles on the video and says that Dan is such a nice guy. Kind of. Definitely cheats at Mario Kart. Dan is literally going to die, this is the second best day of his life

5.They get together when they are both traveling for Playlist Live and they hook up at a party one of the nights there. Dan would be mortified if he didn’t wake up and Phil was still there. He didn’t take off in the middle of the night; he’s wrapped around Phil and Phil is mumbling under his breath about how Dan needs to stop moving and just sleep. Their coming out video is on Dan’s Channel and is Titled “I’m still #1 phil trash” which is a throw back to a privated video called “#1 phil trash” where it’s Dan talking about how talented and funny and inspirational Phil Lester is for six minutes because someone had asked him on Formspring who one of his idols was .

Hogwarts AU

1. Phil is from a magical household and his brother is a squib with a banging music career. Maybe it’s latent magic? Either way, Martyn is a sick af dj and Phil loves it when it’s time for summer vacation because he can visit Martyn in London and see some shows (he can’t go every night) or just wander around during the day with Martyn’s girlfriend Cornelia, who graduated from Durmstrang Institute, while Martyn sleeps off a late night show. Martyn being a Squib leads him to take Muggle Studies though because he wants to be able to connect with the world Martyn lives in and someday, at the rate technology is expanding, he is going to have to leave the isolating wizarding world.

2. Dan is from a muggle family and it shows in the tenacious way he fights to be accepted by his fellow Slytherins. Every O on an assignment he gets is validation, because see I belong here, I’m one of you, I may not have families who can trace their magic past Bloody Mary or past the plague, but I am still one of Merlin’ people. He isn’t a braggart though; it’s more of an internal validation until someone asks him for help in a subject.

3. Phil first really approaches Dan in his second year. He brought a hamster to Hogwarts (look, they’ve gotten relatively relaxed since Harry defeated the Dark Lord and the Peter Pettigrew Incident) and didn’t realize she was pregnant. The hamster had five babies and Phil remembered the lonely looking Slytherin who sat at the back of three of their house’s shared classes and thought “the boy needs a friend” so he gives Dan one of the babies. Dan names her Suki and spends so much time trying to make her happy.

4. Dan and Phil first kiss in Hogsmeade towards the end of their sixth year. Because look, these boys are magical but you can’t expect magic to help them get a clue. But they are sitting one one of the benches in town during early March and sipping Butterbeer and Phil just looks over and knows he has to kiss Dan. It’s a biological need. And it’s a good first kiss, warm and syrupy from the butterbeer.

5. Look I love Phil but I’m 99% sure Phil is someone who splinches when he Apparates. He leaves behind clothes more often than not, but there was one instance he left behind his left hand. Dan is fond, but it definitely explains the 20000 socks just lying around the flat they get after graduating.

#phan au #hogwarts au #detective au #dan is a philly confirmedau #phan headcannons

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sleepykittypaws · 6 years ago

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Best and Worst of 2018

Well, it’s hard to believe another holiday season has come and gone. It feels like just yesterday (a.k.a. September) when I was filled with such hope and excitement for the ever-growing crop of holiday entertainment headed our way. With 83 original made-for-TV movies debuting on network/cable + Netflix/Hulu alone, I barely scratched the viewing surface, even while mostly watching new holiday content nightly from November through Christmas. For instance, this is the first year I didn’t get to a single ION or UP offering. Heck, I didn’t even get through all of Lifetime’s offerings, which I mostly really enjoyed, let alone do more than dip my toe into Hallmark’s daunting 38 new movies. But, of the more than 34 new movies and specials I did sample this season, here are my best and worst…

Best Made-for-TV Holiday Movie of 2018

Early on it became pretty clear that Hallmark’s ever-more homogenized offerings were unlikely to produce my seasonal favorite. Now, it’s possible I just missed that gem that was gonna win me over, since I stopped watching Hallmark altogether at some point, but for the second year in a row, it was Lifetime that offered up my favorite of the season, with one of their acquired titles, Every Other Holiday.

Every Other had both rom and (some) com, but wasn’t your standard made-for-TV Christmas fare. It was clearly just as low budget, but it was a lot more realistic and well-acted than average. It wasn’t light, fizzy fun, and it even had a strong faith element, which is usually not my favorite, but it was so well done, it was impossible not to like.

The story of a an estranged family fulfilling their children’s wish of spending Christmas together with extended family, instead of only sharing “every other holiday” with each parent, was well-written, holiday-centric and ultimately touching. I just loved it, and really hope it becomes available on DVD or digital.

Hitting a completely different note, I also really liked the cheese-tastic Lifetime original A Very Nutty Christmas, starring Melissa Joan Hart, who is, for me, the Queen of Made-for-TV Christmas movies. Not only did she star in the classic Holiday in Handcuffs, this is her second-straight, sweet, funny Lifetime joint, after last year’s a A Very Merry Toy Store, and I hope she continues to make more. (Hart’s company also produced both Nutty and Toy Store.)

This story of a nutcracker come to life, and the baker who falls in love with him, was super silly Christmas fun, with all the elements of the classic ballet transposed onto a small town bakery in the lead up to the holiday. The cast was outstanding, and quite funny, and it was the perfect amount of crazy Christmas fun, that really hit my holiday movie sweet spot.

Honorable mentions also go to the quite funny The Truth About Christmas (Freeform) and wacky The Princess Switch (Netflix), both of which were light, fun holiday larks that I absolutely enjoyed.

My 2018 Made-for-TV Top 10

Every Other Holiday (Lifetime)

A Very Nutty Christmas (Lifetime)

The Truth About Christmas (Freeform)

The Princess Switch (Netflix)

The Christmas Chronicles (Netflix)

Christmas Lost and Found (Lifetime)

The Christmas Contract (Lifetime)

Poinsettias for Christmas (Lifetime)

A Christmas in Tennessee (Lifetime)

Return to Christmas Creek (Hallmark Movies and Mysteries)

Honestly, Return only made the cut because it was best of a bad batch I watched from Hallmark, and there were probably plenty I rated two paws that I actually enjoyed more.

Clearly, I am hoping Lifetime stays in the Christmas movie fight, as I strongly feel they’re out Hallmark-ing Hallmark, on every level. Lifetime is bringing the cute Christmas romance, but also offering up greater diversity, better casts (with a heavy lean towards late ’80s/early ’90s nostalgia), and scripts that nail the formula, without seeming formulaic and boring. Family friendly and sweet doesn’t have to also equal absolutely boring and bland, and Lifetime is proving that year over year.

Best Theatrical Holiday Movie of 2018

This category is a bit of a cheat, since I didn’t actually go to the movies this Christmas season, but thanks to some quick video turn arounds, I was able to see some of the stuff that debuted, albeit in one case only briefly, in theaters this year.

My favorite is the not-exactly-Christmas, but very snowy and fun, Smallfoot. I did not expect to enjoy this Channing Tatum-voiced Yeti movie nearly as much as I did. It was smart, funny and great fun for the whole family. Much more savvy and sweet than expected, this story of a Yeti tribe who live isolated above the clouds for their own protection, find their belief in a series of wacky explanations is challenged when one of them sees the mythical “smallfoot,” a.k.a. a human being.

My other, much more holiday-centric pick, is Elliot: The Littlest Reindeer, which enjoyed a brief theatrical release before jumping directly to digital. This long-delayed movie about a miniature horse who wants to be one of Santa’s reindeer, boasts a talented voice cast and a charming story that went in ways I definitely didn’t expect. The animation isn’t totally up to par, but our entire family enjoyed this original take on Santa and his magic, and I definitely see us re-watching it in future seasons.

And, honestly, The Christmas Chronicles probably belongs in this list, rather than made-for-TV, since the Netflix original had a much more big screen budget. Kurt Russell’s cool Santa will be watched more than once in many households, and I can definitely see it becoming a bit of a Christmas classic over time.

Best Holiday Special of 2018

Disney Channel’s reboot of the classic Ducktales offered up its first Christmas special in 2018, and it was a doozy. Ducktales Last Christmas! got multiple watches in our household this season.

This full-of-callbacks half hour managed to bring in Mickey’s Christmas Carol and Dr. Who, with a large nod to David Tennant, current voice of Scrooge McDuck, and a host of other meta-jokes that make it well worth watching more than once.

The tale of Scrooge visiting great Christmas parties across time with a little help from these, “three ghosts he met once when they meant to visit another Scrooge,” was great, classic animation that was a just a ton of fun to watch, and I think I liked it even better the second time around.

Honorable mentions go to NBC’s A Legendary Christmas with John and Chrissy, who’s throwback quirky style put a huge smile on my face, and Netflix, for finally blessing us with Great British Baking Show: Holidays.

Best New-to-Me Holiday Discovery of 2018

The 2017 theatrical The Man Who Invented Christmas was, I believe, considered a box office flop, but this somewhat ahistorical tale of how Dickens created his legendary A Christmas Carol was great holiday fun, with Dan Stevens ably channeling the Victorian-era author. I’m not sure it’s funny or schmaltzy enough to become a Christmas classic in the It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story vein, but I have no doubt it will become much better known as more people get a chance to experience it.

I also want to offer up two honorable mentions for made-for-TV movies of yore I saw for the first time this season, including the delightful 2013 Hallmark movie, Window Wonderland, which earned a spot on my all-time-favorites list and definitely made me wish Hallmark still made smartly written and less formulaic movies like this.

I also really liked Melissa Joan Hart’s 2014, The Santa Con, which she directed herself and was her first holiday pairing with Barry Watson, also her co-star in A Very Nutty Christmas. Con was another definitely different movie not afraid to buck the formula, which I really enjoyed.

But it wasn’t all Christmas Eve snow and candy canes this season so on to what I didn’t like…

Worst Made-for-TV Holiday Movie of 2018

I was deeply torn between two Hallmark movies I spent the entire runtime hating more and more as the movie went on: Christmas in Evergreen: Letters to Santa and Mingle all the Way. Both contained actresses I’ve really enjoyed in other Hallmark projects, Ashley Williams and Jen Lilley, respectively, and in the case of Evergreen, the 2017 original actually made my best-of list last season.

Both were less “movies” than a checklist of Hallmark plot points so grimly adhered to and executed that you could almost see the script writer’s notes

decorate Christmas tree ✔️

make gingerbread house ✔️

have snowball fight ✔️

save business ✔️

kiss under soap bubble snow ✔️

The End ✔️

These are the exact sort of competently produced (they look just fine), content-free, promo-filled (everything in the picture above, with the sole exception of actress Jill Wagner, can be purchased at a Hallmark store near you) faux-festive slogs that I find mind-numbing, and not in a good way.

I totally want silly, cheesy and cozy in my Christmas fare. But I do not care for churned out, near-identical schlock. Basically, there’s good cheese, and there’s bad, and Hallmark’s brand this season seemed to be entirely of the “cheez” variety, a.k.a. we-can’t-legally-call-it-cheese-because-it-contains-no-dairy.

Slick, but joy-free is how I sum up Hallmark’s 2018 slate. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m in the minority here, as their ratings are going up and up and up. I fully expect to see even less interesting movies, and more of ’em, in 2019. I’m just not sure I’ll be bothering to watch.

Not that there weren’t bad fare to be found beyond Hallmark’s borders…

Lifetime’s A Twist of Christmas was a boring promo for the weirdest product ever: an Oreo music box. Still baffled how they didn’t make the “twist” title into an Oreo pun, and I think its lack made me dislike the movie even more.

Freeform’s No Sleep ’Til Christmas had so much potential, but got so many things wrong, it kind of infuriated me more than any other movie this season, simply because it was so close to being really good. (I had a somewhat similar take on A Shoe Addict’s Christmas, but that one wasn’t tone deaf like No Sleep, just boring.)

And, lastly, if I’d been able to make it all the way through the execrable Life-Size 2: A Christmas Eve, I’m pretty confident it would have topped my worst-of picks by a mile. This utterly unwatchable sequel to the quite charming 2000 Wonderful World of Disney film was an epic fail on every level. Not festive, incredibly dumb and not even accidentally funny. All in all, this wildly hyped outing was a disaster of Holiday Joy (my most-hated of 2016) proportions, but with a much bigger budget.

Worst Holiday Special of 2018

Nailed It! is a show that a lot of people, including my 11-year-old son, really enjoy, but I find tedious and kind of disgusting. Nailed It! Holiday! was my first, and frankly, last, experience with the show, and all I can really say is that it is very, very much Not. My. Thing.

Worst New-to-Me Holiday Discovery of 2018

For the second year in a row, Trolls figure into the worst category of my list, this time via this new-to-me 1981 HBO special, The Trolls and the Christmas Express, that I picked to show my kiddos.

Wow, this Canadian-made animated special was a slog. Not terribly festive, it makes Santa’s elves into idiots, and the entire premise of wearing out the reindeer seems … dumb. I mean, aren’t they magic? Do magic reindeer get tired?

We try to watch a Christmas special every night between Thanksgiving and Christmas—kind of a TV advent calendar—and this was my YouTube pick, as I wanted to watch something we hadn’t seen before. Big mistake. Huge. My kids (justifiably) didn’t let me make a pick again all season.

So, that’s a wrap on Christmas TV 2018. I’ll be back with renewed hope and festive fantasies of TV movie greatness in 2019, mostly because, with each year, there is fresh hope that this time will, for sure, actually be the Best Christmas Ever. 😂

youtube

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anotherfandomok · 6 years ago

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Interactive Introverts Richmond Summary! (Part two!)

We come back. The are so dramatic and extra oh my god the smoke and the lights and the wheel is revealed with Phil strapped to it and he's freaking out he is so good at acting you guys it's underrated. He's like help what have you done to me I didn't think you would choose me etc it's some Good Shit. Dan goes "well hello everybody" and does like a maniacal laugh, and then he says the outfits they have for this segment are their pajamas. Low-key I didn't even realize Dan was on stage too until he started talking bc I was so focused on Phil strapped to the wheel lmao.

Dan is like the point of this is to not hit Phil and Phil was like please don't! And then Dan said but if I do hit him and he dies it's all your fault because you wanted this etc. And Dan was like various projectiles and all that blah blah start with the slingshot ("let's see what Danny has in his trunk of fun" sktnrjeej) (the original - if it could kill a mammoth, it could kill Phil) sifbfje it came really close to Phil's leg. He got out the bow and arrow and called himself Dandiss Danverdeen and then he was like I don't actually really know how to work this and Phil was like oh that's great to hear and Dan was like I THINK ITS LIKE THIS YOU JUST PULL IT BACK AND FIRE BUT HE WAS FACING THE AUDIENCE SO EVERYOME SCREAMED AND DAN WAS LIKE OKAY CALM DOWN YOU WERE IN DANGER FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS OR W/E AND THEN HE WAS LIKE BUT I don't think you guys understand how intense this is let's get a little sideways motion in this wheel so THE WHEEL STARTS SPINNING BACK AND FORTH A BIT I WAS LIKE SJTBDJFNRJSDJ. The arrow came really close to hitting him in the stomach too (and I don't remember which one it was - I think it was the bow and arrow - but Phil was like two inches to the right and I'd be dead and Dan was like "that's OUR left Phil" oh my god I died). He brought out the Nerf gun and called it a bazooka and said I still don't think you guys are getting how dangerous this is LETS SPIN THE WHEEL ALL THE WAY AROUND. I was definitely not expecting that and I was scared Phil was gonna get sick all over the stage, but I guess they've been practicing it lmao it was INSANE. and Dan did not hit Phil, so it went alright.

Dan kept telling us to calm down and stop freaking out and screaming oh my god like ssjfbsjdjskdjs. He was like "you all screamed, Phil gasped, you need to call the heck down."

Phil asked Dan to help unstrap him and Dan was like I'm not gonna help unstrap you unstrap yourself! Sigbfjdej. Dan tried to talk about his serious thing about how they're real people, but everyone was distracted and laughing by Phil taking off the suit so Phil was like sorry I'll go back here behind the trunk but obviously we could all still see him so Dan was like I'll just wait until you're done.

It was wild you guys I did not think Phil would be on the wheel, and when they spun it all the way around I was SHOOK.

Also the number of times they called each other by their full names had me absolutely dead like every time they did it I just like cried a lil bit.

Anyway, then Dan talked about how they're real people and once we saw Phil was in mortal danger we felt remorse and stuff like that, and then I think he talked about their curated online personalities (or maybe that was later). He talked about how if you have this wide and individual of an audience there's no way everything you do will please everyone (even though they want to please us), and that makes it really hard because do you put your audiences wants over what you want and do you be an individual or just act.

Dan talked about wholesome Howell (he called it a spicy meme) and how "some people on the internet thought I was joking about death too much" and how he copes with bad things by joking about them and stuff, and he talked about making the meme and he did the pose and everything and did the sarcastic voice "I will always be wholesome from now on and I will never be sarcastic again 😇" etc. And he said most people were like yeah right Dan haha funny but then he said there were some people who were actually like thank God "this is so much better than the regular Dan!" finally Dan's gonna be nice or w/e. so he was like "if there's this version of me out there that some people want me to be, should I just be that -" and we all screamed no really loud and he looked shocked and happy and he kinda stepped back a bit and laughed a lil and I died I was like we did good we love you sjfbdndns.

Then Phil talked about his hair change and he and Dan talked about how he was genuinely scared that if he changed his hair people were gonna stop watching him/abandon him ugh ugh ugh bb no we love you but he had had the same hair for so long and just ah. We cheered super louldy when he was like when I changed my hair this year! Dan was like this was a big deal it was important news up there with the royal wedding man Dan loves to gas his boy up I'm fine. He was like but look all these people are still here and we all cheered super loudly bc we love our boy (and then Dan was like or it was just too late to get a refund on the tickets 🤷🏻‍♂️).

THEN THEY TALKED ABOUT ANOTHER OFF BRAND THING FOR PHIL WHEN HE SAID FUCK ON DANS CHANNEL I WAS LIKE AJTBCDJGJSKDN AND DAN WAS LIKE "and he's gonna say it again right now" I was like AJGBHHJDJS but he didn't obviously (they actually kept the show pretty pg 13 I was impressed like there were no f bombs - just a ton of innuendos).

TIME FOR THE PERSONALITY SWAP. DAN CALLED IT ROLE REVERSAL SJFBFDJ. So Dan talked about how they have these opposite personalities kinda thing, and then Phil represents "everything's that nice and sweet and wholesome in the world." AND THEY PUT THE PIC OF ANGEL PHIL UP ON THE SCREEN I DIED GUYS IT WAS SO PRETTY. I LOVE HIM. AND THEN DAN IS LIKE THE DEVIL RIGHT AND HOLY SHIT THE DEVIL PICTURE OF HIM THEY PUT UP HAD ME SHOOK IN THE WHITE SHIRT WITH THE DEVIL HORNS AND THE FUCKING LIPSTICK Y'ALL I DIED HE LOOKED SO GOOD AJRBFJDJSM. Dan commented on how he was rocking the lipstick. then they switched and they like crossed sides of the stage it was really gorgeous tbh I'm obsessed with them walking now so it was like well coordinated and just wow.

ANGEL DAN IS BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE HIM. He's gonna have to explain why the things that we said on the interact website were bad are actually good (they played really soft music whenever he did his it made me really emo). AND PHIL IS GONNA HAVE TO MAKE THE GOOD THINGS BAD AND OH MY GOD WHEN THAT PICTURE OF DEVIL PHIL CAME UP ON THE SCREEN EVERYONE IN THE ROOM JUST FUCKING LOST IT THE LIPSTICK YOU GUYS I FUCKING CAN'T OKAY AJFBGJSEJSJ oh my god. Y'all when Phil was devil Phil he SWAGGERED he STRUT like I was like oh my god this man could kill us all instantly if he wanted to like he just exuded power and I was Afraid it was incredible. HE CALLED HIMSELF X RATED LESTER AND DAN WAS LIKE I HAVE TO SAY FOR THE RECORD I DO NOT SUPPORT THAT I WISH YOU HAD SAID LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE. AND PHIL GOES "I ONLY FEEL MORE DIRTYY" I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WE'RE ALL DEAD. ALSO HE WOULD ALWAYS CROSS HIS ARMS AND THEN STAND WITH HIS FEET SUPER FAR APART LIKE YOU KNOW THE WIDE LEGGED STANCE HE DOES LIKE THAT FUCKED ME UP I WAS SHAKING OH MY GOD HE EXUDED SO MUCH POWER AND TBH BDE I WAS SHOOK WHENEVER HE STOOD LIKE THAT SJTBDJ.

Dan said color being sucked out of the world was a good thing bc BLACK IS THE BEST COLOR AND EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER IN MONOCHROME THATS A WORLD I WANT TO LIVE IN "spell funeral without fun amirite" and "everything would be fashionable!" and we were all shook and cheered really loudly and Phil was like I don't want to live in that world and Dan said "well Phil you weren't invited anyway!" I was like sjgbfndjss.

Phil said "time for me to get... A little bit evil" and he STRUTS to the middle of the stage and starts gyrating his hips oh my fucking god we were all dead like what the fuck. Dan was like "sToP gYrAtiNG!!1!" (Dan added that to the list of forbidden movements that had been growing throughout the show that mainly including thrusting and other such movements oh my god). My favorite thing about this segment is the audience and other person would see the thing they had to defend first, so we would all just burst out laughing and then the person who had to defend it was always like "what??? What is it why are you all laughing what is it??"

Phil said community service would be a bad thing bc what if it's a community of cannibals right lmao and then afterwards he was like I think I would taste pretty good and Dan was like yeah whatever pure sugar tastes like ew gross ajfbfjwjd.

Dan said grandma seeing your Wattpad was good but we didn't give that one to him he was like we have to bridge the generational gap and share our interests and the internet with old people and then he was like plus she'll probably be like oh yeah I wrote when I was younger about the Beatles in a bathtub AND SOME MILK. DAN NO STOP OH MY GOD NO. NO. he kept being like but I'm sure someone probably wrote that about the Beatles. I was like no please no oh my god we were all like no.

Phil said sitting in a field of flowers is bad bc you pick up the flower, give it a big sniff, and then you hear... Buzzing? THERES A BEE IN THE FLOWER AND ITS IN YOUR NOSE AND NOW ITS BURROWING INTO YOUR BRAIN so we definitely gave him that one lmao I think Dan said something about him or us being traumatized, but it was SO INTENSE when Phil was saying it like they played that hardcore music that had me dead on the floor and Phil was so into it and I just. Died.

Dan said his square hair was good bc everyone has to have a lowest point in their life and now he can look back at pictures and be like well at least my head isn't shaped like a square lmao he was like all of you go out and get your hair cut like that tomorrow I promise you there'll be nowhere to go but up I was like sjgbjdjfdj it was good omg. But he flipped out when he had to defend it he was like oh my god no sjfbfje.

Phil said a double rainbow was bad because apparently there's a double rainbow song and it always gets stuck in your head?? So Dan was like oh my god you got it stuck in my head and he was like there are like five songs permanently stuck in my head it's that one and there's Chandelier by Sia I'll be doing anything and my brain is like *he sang part of chandelier I was shook help my emotions god I love it when he sings* and he did a lil acting about the anger and frustration when it's in his head LMAO.

EVERY TIME PHIL GOT ONE RIGHT HE WOULD DO THE CUTEST LITTLE JUMP UP IN THE AIR Y'ALL I CANT HANDLE IT IT WAS SO ADORABLE IM DEAD IM DEAD. AND THEN WHEN HE WAS JUST STANDING HE WOULD LIKE SWAY HIS HIPS BACK AND FORTH/SIDE TO SIDE WITH HIS ARMS CROSSED. AND Y'ALL. Y'ALL????? MISS BAYLEY??? MISS BAYLEY?? OH MY FUCKING GOD SHE FUCKING DEAD. I CANT.

Then Dan "time to stop this before we get arrested." What did we learn from that experiment? Phil: "that I have a dark seed growing in my soul" y'all he said it in his really low voice I was s h o o k. Like Phil Lester had officially graduated to 'looks like they could kill you and could actually kill you.' Dan: "somewhere in the dank cave of my soul,,,, there is a single beam of sunlight that broke through the ceiling." --- happy middle ground between doing what you want and what other people want aw.

They were like you guys want to know about Dan and Phil's real relationship. Fast forward to we secretly hate each other and Dan was like I'm just an actor Phil hired ten years ago and it got quickly out of hand and I was like ajfbcnsjd. You only know the good side of Dan and Phil when we're happy and loving and having a good time. "But there's angst, and tension, and cereal stealing related betrayals." To know the real Dan and Phil you have to see the dark side. "Time to push our little bond until it breaks. In,, the DAN VS PHIL EXTREME FRIENDSHIP TEST."

Time to test their friendship to the max! Buzzer time ladies, gents, and nonbinary friends. I'm dead. They had the prettiest background on the screen for this where they had their fists up and were pretending to fight each other I can't deal with it. "The easiest way to cause each other pain - electrocution" I sjtbfjdndjw. "We will literally be punishing each other for being bad friends."

Psychic connections first (they think of the same thing from a category, or else "zappy zappy ouch time") their category was dairy products, they beamed it to each other, and Phil said STRAWVERRY MILKSHAKE. LMAO DAN GOT SO MAD HE ROASTED HIM HE WAS LIKE WHY WOULD I SAY STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE PHIL WHAT THE HECK WHY DIDNT YOU JUST SAY MILK. it was hilarious oh my god. HE CALLED HIM AN IDIOT AND PHIL WAS LIKE STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE SOUNDS NICER. AND Y'ALL EVERY TIME THEY GOT SHOCKED THEY WOULD JUMP AND SHAKE THEIR HANDS AND HOMESTLY ITS THE CUTEST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY BOTH GET ZAPPED AT THE SAME TIME LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IM OBSESSED WITH IT.

DAN PHIL OR A RAT I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS GONNA BE IN THE SHOW DAN SAID PHIL WANTED TO PUT IT IN AJTBJDEJS OMG YES. Phil thought his was his hair, but it was a rat so he got zapped (they turned up the power/volume between each challenge sjrbfjs), and Dan thought his was Phil but it was actually himself so he got zapped. WHEN PHIL GOT ZAPPED HE WAS JUMPING AROUND AND HE WENT WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUU- DGESICKLES AND EVERYONE IN THE ROOM DIED. After Dan saw his was himself he goes "who submitted that photo" lmao.

Dilemma time! They have to save each other or sacrifice something for the other. Phil is being attacked by a shark, but to save him Dan has to have his square hair for a year. Dan called the person who submitted it a sadist lmao. But y'all Dan is so whipped Dan would do anything for Phil at first he was like you don't really need one of your limbs you don't really use them for anything and Phil was like what?!? yes I do I'm so clumsy I need all my limbs and Dan eventually was like yeah it would suck and you guys would all laugh at me, but I would do it to keep Phil from being eaten by a shark. (The shark is a big shark and it likes a nibble on British boys, as Phil said.)

Dan is being abducted by aliens ("the Dan mpreg story you all want," as put so nicely by Dan himself), but Phil has to give up both his arms to save him (lmao very common limb losing theme here). Phil is not going for it "I need those to do things!" he's clumsy etc Dan is like just make a decision already and Phil goes "it's only a little probing, they'll return you to earth, you can go on one of those mystery weird science tv shows and make loads of money from that!" (capita£ester strikes again) is that your decision Phil yes and he prepares himself to get shocked and Bam aw haha.

Phil lost, Dan gets a point. The loser gets the HIGHEST SHOCK POWER BITCHES. they turn it up from red to blue. Phil holds out his hand with the shock thing in it, Dan says "Any last words?" And PHIL GOES "Dad." WHAT. akrbgjebejdjejsb. Then he gets SHOCKED.

They've been keeping track for the whole tour of who wins and who loses. Dan has 18 wins but Phil has 21!!!!! Clearly the better friend.

My phone was getting low on battery so I don't have any videos or audio for like twenty minutes but I remember most of it.

That zapping was intense, time to chill for a bit, the audience doesn't really want to. They put the shock things away, and Phil goes and sits on the front of the stage ;-; look at his legs help me guys he's so long and adorable help. He has his notecards they turn off all the screens and effects except for two lights, and Dan sits on one of the benches it's cute af I love him. Phil is like I have some questions from the audience we're gonna get a bit more intimate (send help).

They say hi to all the people who ask questions really soft (or Dan does) but Phil says the first like three pretty intensely/seriously and Dan is like Phil that is not casual! It's cute af.

Someone asks whether to get a moon or star tattoo - they ask the audience and the audience chooses moon. How to get their mom to accept it? Dan: "wait until you turn eighteen and then speed out of there bye! No I'm kidding don't do that." Phil says tell Mom you got an enormous back tattoo of a three legged horse, and when she's freaking out tell her JK it's just a little moon on my ankle! Dan laughs but he's like or you could just say this is really important to me and I want to appreciate things that are pretty and blah blah blah he gives actual deep and good advice he says it really fast I love him I love him I love him I'm gonna cry and they're like but the horse thing would probably work too haha.

Questions about Dan and Phil! The AmazingPhil video??? They talked about how they filmed it on the tour bus and how weird their texts are and how they have their alien language "ice cream, BLURRRGHHHH" etc it's cute, and Phil's like editing on the tour bus but he hopes it'll be up tomorrow or the next day (so that would be today or tomorrow since I'm posting this so late) and Dan's like as long as he doesn't vomit on his laptop editing on the tour bus hopefully tomorrow or day after. It's soft I'm so excited for the video guys :').

What have they experienced that they wish they had filmed? Not a lot they value living life without screens sometimes, Phil especially says he likes just having memories in his head. They talked about how weird it would be to have like the contact lens cameras where you can just see everything you do all the time, but they wouldn't like those. But Dan talked about how at Phil's (old) house up in the mountains they once saw (green) ball lightning even though everyone says it doesn't exist they saw it during a storm (were they watching a storm together at Phil's house I'm 😭) lightning hit like this building and then they saw the ball floating there for a few seconds and then it exploded and caught a tree on fire or something and they looked at each other and were like did you see that and y'all it was v soft none of their friends believe them but I believe them that's soft.

Then Phil says once when he was in Florida with his family they were out on a dock and a family of manatees swam under the dock and there were two babies and he saw them really closely and help me that's adorable they were both talking about how cute the babies were ah it was so sweet and soft.

Then it's the end of the segment and the question and Dan stands up and goes "alternately, the Vegas video" WHAT THE FUCK I COULDNT EVEN SCREAM I LITERALLY WOULD NOT HAVE IN A MILLION YEARS GUESSED THAT HE WOULD HAVE MENTIONED THAT. My soul left my body.

Ok! Back, and time for the golden I awards!!! They had talked about the set and the phallic i s on the sides of the set when they first came out, and what they stood for and all that stuff, but now they were like this show is for you so we have the first ever Richmond golden I awards I was shook.

Most inaccurate II predictions some nominees were "Dan and Phil leave the stage. We run the show now." And they talked about how we could all go up on stage and sing Welcome To The Black Parade (towards the beginning Dan apologized for g-noting us lmao wow). WINNER ISSSS Gerard Way comes out on an elephant and tramples Dan and Phil. They laughed and then they were both like honestly I'd be down with that I'd be okay with that. PHIL SAID "TRAMPLE ME DAD" WKGNJSJETHTS.

Pets! (Phil: "our furry friends!!" Dan: "not furry - fluffy! Fluffy friends. Pets!") Cute smol white fluffy dog in an II hoodie I think or maybe just a black hoodie as Dan in bed, and Dan was like wow that's literally me it was cute skskfksksk. A cat wearing askew glasses and a plaid shirt was Phil and Dan laughed and was like "I love how your entire personality can be summed up with glasses and a plaid shirt." It was cute af. Winner was a cat with an eclipse and a coconut on it's head as Dan awww.

Parents! I didn't know they did this, but they had pics of three parents and gave the winner to the best sour puss grump who didn't want to come we gave all the parents a round of applause for coming and all that good stuff it was nice and Phil/they used they/them pronouns for all the parents like 😭😭😭😭😭 I'm fucked up it was so good.

Also they wore THESE REALLY PRETTY AND REALLY SPARJLY JACKETS FOR THE AWARDS LIKE THEY RAN OFF AND THEN CAME BACK AND. WE WERE ALL SCREAMING AND DANS WAS SILVER BUT PHILS WAS GOLD LIKE THE TATINOF ONES AND THEY WERE SO SOARKLY AND SO PRETTY AND 😭😭.

Then one last award right we get Phil's diss track, Dan playing piano, OR a random video of a dog that has nothing to do with Dan or Phil. At this point I was very confused bc I had seen the spoilers and thought I knew both the first two things happened. So they said the dog video won and I was like sjfbsjsj what. It was a v cute dog slo mo running through snow and they talked about how cute and majestic it was and Phil said "trample me" akfbcjsj again. But then Phil went and got his hat AJTBDJSJD THE HAT HE MEANS BUSINESS AND BAM LAUNCHES INTO HIS DISS TRACK OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU GUYS I THOUGHT I WAS READY BUT I WASNT I THOUGHT I WAS READY TO HEAR HIM SAY BITCH BUT I WAS NOT.

Y'all honest to god he rapped really freaking well like he has the rhythm down he's practiced so much I'm so proud of him sjfnfje.

Then HERES DAN WITH A PIANO (I need to study the lyrics bc I videoed it but it was a lot to take in and kind of hard to hear the lyrics with everyone screaming.) Omg bb he looked so pretty.

And they sang together I love them so much and then they came back on stage and waved to everyone and we stood up and held up our signs and then they went back to be moved away from the stage with the piano and they crouched and waved really far down until they couldn't see us anymore 😭.

Also Dan said the super best friends and soulmates thing, and he said when Phil is a hundred wait no ninety he'll remember when we came to Richmond and talked about Satan and furries and sjfnfdnjdej my heart?

Towards the beginning we screamed super loud for something and Dan said we broke the sound barrier and we just screamed louder ;-;

At the beginning Phil said most of the internet is in cables under Virginia, which I didn't know, so Dan said all our Wattpad smut is stored underneath us. They did their research XD. Also the way they said Virginia had me shook, but I was one hundred percent expecting them to say it in their American accents and then make a virgin joke, but they didn't! I wish they had done their American accents more, but it was literally such an incredible show and I can't believe it's over.

During the piano bit Phil sang his part and then got down on his knees and Dan was like sorry sorry Phil you're in my light this is the Dan and Phil show not the Phil and background piano guy show and Phil was like oh sorry and Dan was like should we sing it together? And ;-;.

There was one point where I was so close to crying when they were talking about how important we are to them and how they just want to please us and shit and like. 😭

I'm forgetting so much stuff and this is so long...

#i've been so sad all day #like i feel like im on the verge of bursting out sobbing #i cant believe i havent cried yet #i cant believe it happened and its over #interactive introverts #interactive introverts spoilers #ii spoilers #richmond ii #dan and phil #dnp #amazingphil #dan howell #july 12th 2018

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benfeldman · 7 years ago

Text

here comes the jackpot question in advance

summary: The one where Dan thought Phil hated him, so he hated Phil right back.

wc: 7.5k

tags: teenager au, new year’s eve, enemies to friends to lovers (in a way)

tws: underaged drinking, swearing (lots of it,,)

a/n: i wrote this lil diddy in the space between christmas and new year’s, aka when time doesnt feel real. my only betas were spellcheck and grammarly so sry if there are mistakes. im a sucker for enemies to lovers and teenager tropes,, what can i say.

read it on ao3 if that’s more your jam

Of all the places in the world, the last place he wants to be seen is McDonald’s. Dan’s exhausted from work and he just wants some chicken nuggets and an iced coffee, some comfort food to get him through the rest of the day. It’s super busy, so the possibility of him seeing someone from school is high, unfortunately, but he’s just come off of work which is killing him slowly so the risk is worth it. While he waits in the queue he mindlessly scrolls through Twitter.

It’s been a pretty fine holiday, as far as things go. Not too exciting, but nothing traumatic or particularly harrowing, either, which in his family is somewhat surprising. And it’s been nice getting to avoid schoolwork and classmates for a while, as the halls of sixth form can be crowded with some right pricks. In fact, there’s one prick in particular he hasn’t missed one bit, and as he sees him on his Twitter feed he’s reminded of how glad he is not to have to be in his presence every day.

The only reason he doesn’t have Phil Lester blocked and muted is because he doesn’t want to seem petty. All of his friends seem to like Phil just fine, but they also know that Dan isn’t exactly his number one fan. However, the last thing Dan wants is to cause drama where there doesn’t need to be, and a single tap of the ‘block’ icon could put him in a world of unnecessary trouble. But that doesn’t change the fact that Dan Howell, from the bottom of his heart, hates Phil Lester.

Though, surprisingly, no one else seems to. It seems like Dan’s the only one who can see past his persona of Mr. Perfectly Quirky and Funny and into who he really is. He’s not that funny, and he acts like he’s the smartest kid in the entire world but surely, he must not know everything, despite his best attempts to make everyone think so. Seriously, he’s always the first to raise his hand in chem, spewing facts left and right, which makes him the worst lab partner in the entire world. Phil always has to double check Dan’s work even though he’s right on all his arithmetic ninety-five percent of the time, he always makes some comment about how Dan’s handwriting is getting messier by the week, and worst of all, he’s never wrong. That’s what sucks about it. Phil Lester is never wrong. He’s perfect.

And he makes Dan feel like an idiot. Sometimes, it feels like he’s going out of his way to purposely paint Dan as this huge moron, which he knows he isn’t, but it’s hard not to feel that way around Phil. Perfect Phil, with the perfect hair and perfect life and the brightest eyes and the best jokes, who always manages to make Dan trip over his words and say the wrong thing, something stupid. He's always quick to point out Dan’s mistakes. Which, obviously, makes him feel great.

Yeah, well, out of sight, out of mind. Dan scrolls past and tries not to think about him. Why do people even retweet his stuff, anyways? He’s not that funny, but the whole school seems to think he’s some sort of comedy king or something, which gets old really fast, in Dan’s opinion. He’s a smartass, that’s what he is.

Dan finally gets his order in and moves to the side to wait for his food, when the voice he least expected to hear sounds from behind him.

“Dan?”

Sure enough, Dan turns around, and Phil sort of materializes before him, in a hoodie and skinny jeans and, funnily enough, glasses. Dan’s not a confrontational person. He’s not. Never has been. He tends to internalize his seething rage against Phil. Usually, it works. “Hi there,” Dan replies, and thus continues his long list of dumb things he says in front of Phil.

“Small world, eh?”

Dan shrugs. “I suppose.”

Silence. Then, “You getting food?”

“Yep.” Dan takes a breath. “You?”

“Yeah. But not for me. My brother’s been a bit under the weather since boxing day and he asked that I go get him some extra crappy food to help him feel better.”

Of course Phil’s not getting McDonald’s for himself. He’s way too perfect, way too healthy, for that. When doesn’t he have a pedestal to stand on? “Cool,” Dan says instead. “I mean, not about your brother. That sucks, I’m sorry.”

Phil laughs. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. How’s your break been?”

“Alright. A bit dull, I guess. But sometimes it’s better if nothing happens rather than something bad, right?”

“I agree. You never know when loose cannon racist Uncle Joe is gonna ruin Christmas dinner, right?”

“I’ve been there one too many times.”

“Same.”

Could it be true? Could Dan actually be getting through a conversation with Phil Lester without making a fool of himself or wanting to strangle him to death or both? Only time would tell, he reasons, but still. So far, so okay. “Get anything good for Christmas?” Phil asks.

“My brother and I got a Switch for Christmas, and we’ve both been playing it a lot. At least, when I’m not at work.”

Phil gasps. “No way! We did too!”

“That’s awesome,” Dan replies, a grin spreading across his face. “What games do you have?”

“So far we’ve just got Super Mario Odyssey, but we also really wanna get the new Zelda game so my brother can play it before he has to go back to uni.”

“I hear it’s amazing,” says Dan. “We want to get that as well.”

“Maybe if we both play it we can compare notes and stuff.”

“Yeah, maybe.” This is easily one of the longest conversations he’s ever had with Phil, and certainly the only one where he didn’t feel like self-destructing out of pure annoyance at Phil’s stupid face. The longest he’d gone without seeming like a massive idiot. Maybe there’s something about Phil wearing glasses that makes him easier to get on with.

“So, any New Year’s plans?”

“Well, I’m going to my friend Chris’ for New Year’s Eve. Since his birthday is so close, he always has a party then.” Okay, Dan, stop talking. It always really bothered him when people talked about their plans in front of others who weren’t invited. “It’s gonna be super cool, you should totally come, I mean, if you don’t have plans.” What the fuck are you doing? “He’s gonna have alcohol and stuff, too, and it’ll be legal, well, for him at least, and obviously he’ll have, like, real food too.” Are you done now, moron? “Anyways, yeah, I’m sure he’d be happy to have you, if you were interested. I mean, you probably already have stuff planned, I’m sure.” He waits for his dumb tongue to stop betraying him, and eventually, he really does stop talking, exhaling slowly. Dan, one day your mouth is going to get you killed.

Phil raises his eyebrows, but he wears a huge grin. “That sounds like fun, Dan. I’ll totally come.”

Well, Dan was eventually bound to do or say something stupid, right? It wouldn’t be a real conversation with Phil unless it ended with Phil’s superior smirk and Dan’s sinking feeling of inadequacy. “Great, cool, see you then,” Dan says. Oh my god, you fucking idiot.

“Phil!” a guy from the front counter announces.

“Oh, that’ll be my food,” Phil says, still wearing the same stupid grin on his stupid face. He pushes through the small crowd and examines his bag. Dan, in the meantime, stares back at his phone. What did he just do? It’s not as though he has a great track record for getting along with Phil, and the last thing he wants to do is ruin his friend’s party. And besides, since when did he have permission to invite random people from school to any of his friend’s parties, birthday or otherwise? Was it not a teeny bit presumptuous of him to say ‘Oh Chris won’t mind another person in his flat, where he’ll have to accommodate more space for you as well as getting even more food and drinks?’ This was a mistake. Maybe it’s not too late to rescind the invitation, to make up a fake story about how the party isn’t happening anymore. “This yours?” Phil asks, pulling Dan out of his thoughts. He hands him a bag and a coffee.

Dan grimaces. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“You must not have heard your name,” he explains. “It was next to mine, so I just picked it up.”

“Cheers,” Dan replies, but all he wants to do is melt into the floor and forget the past five minutes ever happened.

“Well, I’ve gotta run,” says Phil. “But I’ll see you New Year’s Eve, yeah?”

Now or never, Howell. “Uh, yeah. Great.”

“Cool. Bye, then!” He flashes Dan one last friendly smile before leaving. Of course, on top of it all, he gets the last word.

---

Since there’s not a lot Dan can do about it now, the next day he rings Chris to tell him about his grave mistake, to at least attempt to be a better friend.

“What’s up?” greets Chris upon answering. “Still coming to the party tomorrow, right?”

“About that,” Dan replies, biting his nails. “I kinda invited someone yesterday, is that okay? I know space can be tight but I promise I didn’t really mean to, and if you say no it’s fine, I just--”

“Dan, I’m gonna stop you right there.” He can practically hear the smirk in Chris’ voice, and he already feels a bit daft. “You’re totally fine, I promise. The more the merrier. Who’d you invite, if I might ask?”

Deep breaths. There’s no way he can phrase this without sounding like an idiot, so he might as well bite the bullet now. “Uh, you know Phil Lester, right?”

Chris actually laughs, which Dan half expected, because everyone knows they don’t like each other. Although, to be fair, he didn’t think Chris cared. “That’s who you invited?” he manages to choke out between giggles.

“Yeah, I know, shocker. Like I said, I didn’t mean to, I just felt bad because I mentioned you and stuff. It’s okay if you say no.”

“I didn’t, uh.” Chris stops. He releases another little giggle before continuing. “I didn’t mean to laugh, at least, not at you.”

“Oh, gee, thanks.” Dan rolls his eyes, though Chris obviously can’t see.

“It’s just kinda funny, because I already invited him, and as far as I know he already said he was coming.”

Dan’s eyes widen. “What the fuck?” he says, before he can stop himself. “I mean, no. Sorry, that’s not what I meant. Why did you invite him?”

“I dunno, we have Lit together and we got to talking about the break and I invited him to my party. Why did you invite him?”

“I already told you, it was a complete accident, and obviously I didn’t know he was already coming, otherwise I wouldn’t have, clearly.” Dear Christ, was he doomed to make a fool of himself every single time he was in front of Phil? Maybe the safest course of action would be to just never say anything to him or in front of him ever again. That still left the possibility of him physically doing something stupid, but at least he could minimize the damage.

“Well, either way, Phil’s already coming, so no need to worry. Anyone else you want to invite who I invited myself? PJ maybe? Or Hazel?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” Dan responds through gritted teeth. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Great! See ya!” Chris hangs up, and Dan can hear him laughing.

It doesn’t make sense. Why didn’t Phil say anything yesterday? Did he derive pleasure in seeing Dan make an idiot of himself? How was Dan supposed to know he and Chris were friends? It wasn’t fair, it so wasn’t fair. Can Dan not have just one day where he doesn’t make a complete joke of himself?

No, not where Phil’s involved. As long as Phil is there, Dan isn’t safe from being the laughingstock of the universe.

---

December thirty first comes around, and a big part of Dan wants to just pretend he’s sick and stay home, because he can’t stand to be around Phil or even Chris, frankly, after embarrassing himself so profusely. But that would only make him seem like a coward, and Chris would make some smartass remark to Phil and make Dan seem foolish without him even being there, so he drudges himself over to Chris’ flat, despite his wishes, and hopes for the best. For all the good that’ll do him.

Dan buzzes into Chris’ place (by now he knows the code) and treks up the stairs. Chris answers the door before he can knock and shouts, “Dan! I’m so glad you could make it!” He leads him inside. “Everyone! Dan is here!”

‘Everyone’ shouts a chorus of slurred hoorays. So the drinking has already commenced. He greets a few people, saying hi to Hazel and PJ and Louise who are deep in a very loud conversation about the new Star Wars movie, and Tom and Jack, who are locked in perhaps the most intense game of go fish Dan’s ever seen. He gets some crisps and migrates over to the couch, where he collapses. He’d been working all day long; he’s actually kind of exhausted, and doesn’t feel like socializing, especially considering how sober he is compared to everyone else. He closes his eyes. It’s too much right now.

“Hey, stranger.” Dan opens his eyes and there sits Phil, on the other side of the sofa. Great. Just what he fucking needed right now.

“Hi,” he replies.

“You seem tired.”

“I was working overtime today. I kinda don’t want to be here, if I’m honest.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” Phil says, and he smiles, and it’s so genuine, too genuine, just like everything Phil does, so overly thoughtful and perfect. “Get the new Zelda game?”

“Haven’t had time.”

Phil nods. “Me neither.”

Here’s what Dan doesn’t get: Why is Phil being so nice to him all of a sudden? He usually teases Dan for getting answers wrong in class or in the labs or for his messy penmanship or whatever else he chooses after spinning the things-to-make-fun-of-dan-for wheel. He’s the basic definition of a walking dick, though no one else seems to see that, and he has no reason to be nice to Dan. So, what’s changed? Maybe he’s still feeling post-holiday forgiveness or good tidings or whatever else. Maybe he’s planning to lure Dan into a false sense of security before yelling at him for his dumb hair that he didn’t feel like straightening or his old car or the fact that he foolishly invited him to Chris’ house even though he already had every intention of going. Or maybe you think too much.

“Is work going okay?” asks Phil.

“I suppose. It’s not fun but it could be worse, and at the end of the day, a paycheck’s a paycheck. Can’t complain.”

“Right.” Phil smiles. They sit in silence for a moment, listening to the music. At any moment, their truce could come toppling down, Dan realizes. “Thanks for inviting me, by the way.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, well, Chris told me you were already coming, so.”

Phil smiles sheepishly, looking down at his shoes. “He did?”

“Yep. Thanks for the memo, by the way. Would have been nice to know before I, ya know, invited you to a party you were already going to, like a moron.” And just like that, the truce has ended.

“Hey! In my defense, I was really surprised that you did that, and I had no idea what to say, because it was really nice of you.” He shakes his head a little bit. “I just kind of went along with it. You weren’t, I mean, it wasn’t…” he stops. “It wasn’t moronic. Not at all. It was sweet.”

“Oh, that makes me feel loads better,” Dan scoffs. “Look, next time you wanna make a fool out of me, at least have the dignity to tell me to my face that I’m being an idiot.” Christ, he didn’t mean to sound like such an asshole. Why can’t you ever say anything right?

And, what’s worse, Phil actually looks hurt. “You weren’t a fool,” he insists. “You aren’t one, okay? And that wasn’t my intention at all.”

Right, Dan, there’s your cue to shut up now. “Oh, really? Because it feels like every time I talk you, all you want to do is make me feel like I’m nothing, like I’m a fucking idiot. So, excuse me if I thought this was just another one of your secret schemes to turn me into the laughingstock of the century.” He knows he needs to stop talking, but a huge part of him feels good for finally standing up to Phil for once in his life.

“I’ve never purposely tried to make you feel like an idiot, Dan, I promise.” His voice remains surprisingly even. “I’m sorry if you felt that way.”

Dan stares at the floor, hoping if he says nothing he can’t possibly say the wrong thing. “Me, a secret schemer?” Phil continues. “Honestly? You’re the one who doesn’t like me, Dan. I’ve been nothing but nice to you ever since we met but you don’t want to accept it, for whatever reason. Did you honestly think I was trying to trick you, or something?” Great. Perfect. Dan the Fucking Idiot strikes again. “Okay, whatever, don’t respond to me. But I wish we could be friends, Dan. You make up all these stories in your head about how much I hate you or whatever but they’re not true. They’re so far from the truth.”

“Well, great, I’m still the idiot, then.” Dan sighs and sinks into the cushions. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“No, I’m sorry, Dan,” replies Phil. “I’m sorry for lying to you about the party. Believe me, I was the one who felt like an idiot afterwards. I was way too awkward to tell you the truth so I kind of just didn’t say anything and hoped for the best. Which clearly didn’t work.”

Dan actually smiles at that, just a bit. “No, it did not,” he agrees.

“Can we just, like, start over?”

“Sure, yeah.”

“Cool.”

“Come on,” Phil prompts, sitting up. “Let’s go get something to drink. You look like you need it.”

Dan rubs his eyes and rises to his feet. “You have no idea.”

---

So it takes Dan vodka and coke to warm up to the idea of maybe being friends with Phil, but who could blame him? Everything’s happening so fast; Phil’s dragging him to the kitchen and talking to him like a pal as if the past ten minutes, or even the past few months, haven’t happened. Phil pours the bottle of vodka into a cup of soda and asks Dan what his favorite TV shows are and it makes no sense.

They’re too different, Dan always thought. That’s why they never got on, because they were so different they had no hope of ever understanding each other. It was a fruitless quest. But maybe they’re not. Phil gets a refill on his drink as well and laughs a bit and remarks that he forgot to ask Dan what he wanted, he just assumed he’d have the same thing Phil was having. Dan assures him that it’s fine and this is probably what he would have made for himself too and, maybe they’re not that different.

They move back to the couch and try to ignore the fact that everyone’s staring at them, and Dan really can’t blame them as they did just kind of have a loud fight a few minutes ago. The first sip of the drink doesn’t go down well, it never does, but it gets easier and easier and pretty soon Dan’s already starting to feel better. He knows this can’t last, because he has to drive home in about four and a half hours but for now he can pretend like the future isn’t coming. Instead of thinking about that, he and Phil just talk, they just sit on the couch and talk and it feels different and nice. That’s what he really can’t get over, most of all. Who knew Phil would actually turn out to be a nice person?

After a while, Chris decides to turn his music up, and Dan and Phil kind of have to shout at each other to be heard. “Okay, so can I just ask,” Phil starts, frowning slightly. “Why, uh, why don’t you like me? Or why didn’t you like me?”

Not really the question Dan wanted to hear, after trying to turn his opinion about Phil around. “I don’t dislike you.”

“That’s a lie and we both know it.”

Dan sighs. “Fine. It’s because you don’t like me.”

“I like you,” he insists. “I’ve always liked you.”

“You don’t really act like it.”

That stops Phil short. “Well, in my defense, you’re pretty easy to tease about stuff.”

“Hey!” Dan exclaims. “That’s not very nice.”

“Trust me, it’s not a bad thing.” Phil smiles a little bit. He’s got a nice smile. He should do that more often. “I only do it because…”

“Because why?”

“Because nothing.” He crosses his arms. “Be serious, why don’t you like me?”

Dan frowns. “Well, okay, it’s just, like…” Don’t mess this up, don’t mess this up. “You’re just so fucking perfect, like all the time. You come here and you’re the new kid but you make friends effortlessly because you’re perfect and you’re smart and always say the right answers in chem which infuriates me because I used to be that kid that always knew everything but you waltzed into class and you were always right and suddenly I knew nothing . Every single day you come to class, you make me feel so stupid because you’re so smart and your hair is perfectly straight and exactly what I wish my hair looked like, and you’re just as tall, if not taller than me but you manage to make it look good, and you’re always up there on your high horse and I feel inadequate around you all the time. And it, like, never made sense to me that other people couldn’t see how too perfect you are.”

It all comes out in a complete rush, before Dan can stop himself. Instantly he knows he’s overshared, as Phil winces when Dan looks at him expectantly, waiting for an answer. “I’m not perfect,” Phil finally says. “I can’t believe you think I’m perfect.”

“Well, can you blame me? I mean, look at yourself. You weren’t even at McDonald’s for you, you were getting food for your brother. Kind, thoughtful, healthy and conscientious Phil.”

Phil just shakes his head. “I can’t believe that’s why you don’t like me, because I’m too ‘perfect.’” He does air quotes around that last word.

“Whatever,” Dan mumbles. “I feel embarrassed even though I also feel like I’m right.”

“I’m furthest thing from perfect,” Phil protests. “I swear.”

“Okay, name one imperfection of yours, I dare you.”

“Fine.” Phil crosses his arms, accepting the challenge. “That day, when I went to McDonald’s. It, I…” He takes a sip of his drink before continuing. “Well, my brother wanted food, but my mom wouldn’t get it for him, and he doesn’t trust me to drive around anymore so he drove the car there, but waited in the parking lot for me to get the food, because he didn’t want to come inside himself.”

“What’s your point?”

“My parents won’t let me drive anymore, because I’ve failed my driving test three times and one time I was driving around and almost got in an accident because I’m literally the shittiest driver in the entire universe.” He sighs, and glances at Dan. “So. Strike one. I’m not perfect.”

“To be fair, no one passes their driving test the first time around. You’ll have to do better than that.”

“Okay. Fine. I wear contacts.”

“Yeah, well, I already guessed that. I saw you in glasses, remember?”

Phil’s face turns a brilliant shade of pink. “Oh, right.”

“And you looked cute in glasses, so, whatever, that doesn’t count as an imperfection. Try again.”

He thinks for a moment, then, “I dye my hair.”

“What?” Dan gasps.

“Yeah. I’m naturally a ginger but I look horrendous so, I dye it like once a month. It’s kind of embarrassing.” He takes another sip. “I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone that.”

“Well, it looks great. I had no idea.”

“I’m only telling you that because I’m not sober, just so you know.”

“I’ll take it.”

Phil smiles. “But speaking of hair, I didn’t know yours was curly.”

“Oh,” Dan replies, cheeks turning red. “I didn’t have time to straighten it before going to work, and then I just couldn’t be bothered, so.” He self consciously brushes his fringe out of his eyes.

“I think it looks great.”

“Thanks.” He takes a sip. “Well, anyways, you get my point, right? You’re frustratingly perfect. It makes me want to strangle you sometimes.”

“You’ve completely misjudged me, Howell. I’m so far from perfect.”

He’s almost finished with his drink so he’s feeling extra brave, and before he knows it, he blurts, “Well, what do you think of me? You know, so I can also prove your misconceptions about me wrong.”

“I dunno. I think you’re really funny, you’ve got a sort of dark sense of humor that I like, and you’re also super passionate about your opinions, which I appreciate. Even when those opinions happen to be regarding your deep hatred of me.”

“Look,” Dan tries to defend, but Phil isn’t hearing any of it.

“No, it’s okay. You wear your heart on your sleeve. And you care an awful lot. That’s not nothing. I admire that about you.”

Dan’s heart stops in its tracks. His stomach churns. “I’m such an idiot,” he mutters to himself.

“Why, Dan?”

“I really thought you hated me,” he says quietly, wishing he could disappear.

“No, I don’t hate you, Dan. I feel like I know you, ya know? Like, I just have this feeling, like, I look at you and I know who you are. I wish I had that ability, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, you clearly had me all completely wrong in your head. But I can just see you for you. I know that you’re passionate and loyal and compelling and--”

“Guys!” Chris shouts from behind their place on the couch. “We’re about to play cards against humanity, and you have to play. Also you’re not allowed to say no because it’s my birthday.”

They begrudgingly sit around the dining table, with their friends who are all decidedly at least twice as drunk as Dan and Phil are, which is fine, but maybe a slight bit alienating. Dan’s tipsy, sure, but he’s not flat-out drunk, mostly because he has to drive home but also because he hasn’t eaten anything all day and the last thing he needs is to throw up at his friend’s place. Especially since Phil’s there, and, yeah, he really needs one more reason to feel like an idiot in front of him. But, Phil doesn’t think of him as an idiot, in a strange turn of events. He’s not one hundred percent sure that he believes him, but why would he lie?

“Do you guys need a refill?” Hazel asks them, nodding to their almost empty cups.

“I’m good, thanks,” Dan says. “I’m driving, so.”

She shrugs. “Suit yourself. Phil?”

“I’m alright.”

“God, do you two even know how to have fun?” She smirks and rolls her eyes. “Whatever, more for us fun people.”

Hazel makes her leave to the kitchen to refill her drink and Phil laughs a little. The sight makes Dan’s heart rate speed up a little; Phil sticks his tongue out of his mouth and his eyes crinkle in the perfect way and all of his teeth show and okay, okay, why is he thinking like this right now? What just happened to make him notice something like that, something so trivial and inconsequential? Why has Dan never noticed that Phil’s eyes aren’t actually blue, but they’re blue and green and gold and they kind of look like a kaleidoscope?

He has to turn his mindset back around before it’s too late. “What, Goody Two Shoes Phil doesn’t want to get drunk?” Dan teases.

“Yeah, well, my parents are already mad enough at me as it is. I don’t need another reason to upset them.”

“Why are they upset with you?”

“They’re just…” He sighs. “I guess they’re not mad, they just really didn’t want me to come here, because they’re frustrated that they have to come pick me up and drive me home so late, and I guess I just feel bad, because we usually spend today together, and like, I turn eighteen in a month so it’s gonna be legal for me to drink soon, but they don’t want me to until I’m nineteen, which is bullshit, but they’re my parents, so.”

“Guys!” Chris shouts, interrupting their conversation. “Have either of you played your cards yet?”

“Fuck, sorry,” Dan apologizes. He picks a random card about George Clooney and passes it down. Phil follows suit. Chris begins to read out the cards he has, but Dan is barely listening. “I can take you home,” Dan says quietly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You sure?” Phil asks.

“Positive.”

“Okay. I’ll text my parents.” The group laughs hysterically at one of the answers, bringing them back to reality.

“Right, I’m picking this one,” Chris announces. “Who played it?” Louise proudly raises her hand, and everyone claps.

Even though the game continues, Dan and Phil don’t really pay attention, lost in conversation with each other. It’s a bit hard to hear over the noise of drunk teens yelling dirty jokes at each other, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Dan feels relaxed around Phil for the first time ever, and maybe it’s the vodka but that’s starting to wear off in all honesty and it more just feels like Phil’s a generally nice person and he’s been missing out on him and his company since September when they met. It takes them about ten minutes to realize no one’s actually playing the game anymore and they’re instead just finding their favorite cards in the pack, trying to make each other laugh. They quietly sneak off back to the couch to continue to talk and no one seems to mind. It’s like he’s been missing Phil his whole life, like the moment they start to just talk he’s picking up from where they left off, even though really they never even started, not really.

Maybe Phil Lester the jerk wasn’t such a jerk after all.

---

Eventually, the group moves to the living room and puts on a movie, crowding the space that was previously just being occupied by Dan and Phil. But Dan doesn’t really mind, and anyways the more he talks to Phil the more he realizes that maybe his feelings of hatred were a bit misguided or maybe they were disguising themselves as hatred because he couldn’t face the truth. Now there’s something he’s really afraid to consider.

Phil gets up from his self-proclaimed spot on the couch to go to the bathroom at around eleven, when people are starting to get either drunker or more sober, waiting for the clock to strike midnight and ring in the new year. PJ takes this opportunity to slide over to press up against Dan, a huge grin on his face.

“What’s up, Daniel?” he asks. He smells overwhelmingly of vodka.

“Not much, excited for the new year, I guess.”

PJ waggles his eyebrows suggestively. “You gonna go for it?”

“Go for what?”

“Oh my god, you’re absolutely daft. Everyone knows of the tradition of kissing someone exactly at midnight on New Year’s Day, right?”

Dan freezes. “I… Who…”

“This is your chance, Dan. He likes you, I promise, just go for it.”

“Okay, you keep saying that, but I still don’t know what you’re referring to.” Though, obviously, he does. “Peej, you’re super drunk right now.”

“And you’re not?” He laughs. “You should be!”

“I have to drive myself home.”

He pulls a face. “So?”

“Right, let’s get you some water, you goof.”

He gets up to go to the kitchen and pour him a cup of water from the fridge, and when he comes back to the living room Phil’s back, deep in conversation with Hazel. He tries his best to ignore the pang of jealousy in his gut because Seriously, are you fucking kidding me? One minute you hate him and the next you don’t want anyone else to look his way? Maybe he’s always felt that way, like there’s always been some kind of underlying jealousy. But jealousy of what? His personality? His hair? His ability to make friends with all of Dan’s friends but somehow be better at it?

“Here you go, Peej,” Dan says, handing him the cup.

“I don’t want it,” he whines in response, but Dan practically forces it down his throat. He makes eye contact with Phil as he attempts to shove the cup into PJ’s hand, and Phil smiles at him and his heart explodes a little bit and, yeah, you’re an absolute gonner.

“Do it, Dan,” PJ whispers into his ear. “Do it for me, if nothing else.”

“Drink your water and I’ll think about it, arsehole.”

It works. PJ sits up straight and practically chugs the whole thing in an instant, earning him a satisfied pat on the back from Dan. He doesn’t mind playing the mom friend at parties, in fact, it makes him feel good. If he can save someone from dying of alcohol poisoning, he can justify coming to this party.

“Dan!” Phil gestures for Dan to sit next to him, as Hazel’s gotten up to get snacks.

“Having fun?” Dan asks, eyebrows raised. He’s pretty sober as far as things go but he still feels like his brain is going a bit haywire which is just great, just brilliant, because that confirms everything and why does this have to happen here, at a party in front of all his friends, on the most cliche night of the year, with music from the movie on TV swelling and laughter and drinks and it’s all just so much, it’s way too much for him right now. And seriously, of all people, Phil? Like, why couldn’t it be someone he knew and actually tolerated?

“Did you hear me, Dan?” Phil asks, bringing him back to reality.

Brilliant, fucking brilliant. What was it about Phil that always made him feel like he was one step behind, all the time? “Sorry, no, what did you say?” Seriously, can God just come smite me where I stand already?

“I said I’m having a great time. Your friends are super cool.”

“Glad you think so.” Can this not happen, please? Not now.

“And you aren’t so bad yourself.” Phil winks, and seriously, Dan feels like a year four, like a child in primary school, with a secret crush and a secret diary full of unsent love letters and this cannot be happening.

“Thanks, Phil.”

“So, any resolutions for the new year?” Phil asks.

“No, not really. What’s the point of making them if you can’t stick to them?”

Phil shrugs. “You never know until you try, right?”

“Okay, fine, what’s your resolution then?”

Phil thinks for a moment, then says, “To just be more authentic. To live a more honest version of myself, whatever that means for me. No unrealistic or unattainable goals. Just, not try to hide or fix myself in front of others. However it happens.”

Dan laughs in spite of himself. “A bit too meta for me, but the sentiment is there, I suppose.”

“I think New Year’s resolutions are fun to make, even if you don’t end up sticking to them. It’s the thought that counts, really.”

“See, this is what I’m talking about. Everything you say, it’s perfect. How do you do it?”

“What can I say? I must be born with it.” He does a fake flip of his hair and giggles. Phil needs to stop fucking giggling because it’s driving Dan insane, it’s contagious and it makes Dan laugh right along with him. Phil makes him feel so safe and warm and like he’s Dan’s missing piece and every other cliche the world has to offer him but fuck it, it’s true. And maybe he’s just completely misreading the signals and maybe Phil still secretly hates him and maybe Phil’s straight as a stick (though to be fair Dan used to think he was so that means nothing) but if he can’t say it now, when can he?

“Phil, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Dan.”

His confidence is dwindling by the nanosecond. “You’re not mad at me for being a dick to you for months, right?” Justsayitjustsayitjustsayitjustsayit--

“No, of course not. How could I be mad at you? I’m mad at myself, if anything, for being a dick to you.”

Dan opens his mouth to speak, but his words die in his throat and he knows he needs to just say it but nothing is happening.

“I wasn’t doing it with any malicious intent,” Phil continues. “It’s just that being nice to you didn’t seem to work, and it was the only other way I could think to get you to talk to me.”

“And why…” His voice is close to failing him. “Why would you want that?”

“Well, I--”

“Guys!” Chris shouts, interrupting them. “It’s eleven forty-five! Almost midnight! I’m breaking out the champagne! Come help me!”

Phil rolls his eyes and gets up with the rest of the party, which is moving to the kitchen to break out the grand finale of alcohols, the champagne. Dan tries not to feel disappointed, but then again, perhaps this is a sign. Chris pops open the bottle and everyone cheers and PJ brings him glasses. Jack helps to pass them out to everyone and Dan takes his, even though he has no intention of actually drinking it.

Chris changes the channel so they can watch the countdown live with the rest of Britain and Dan’s nerves go completely haywire. Everyone’s crowding around the TV and anticipation buzzes in the air and the guy on TV announces that there’s two minutes left until the new year begins and Phil’s on the other side of the room now and his heart hurts a bit. He puts his cup down on the side table to resist temptation. One minute left. He feels someone brush the back of his hand and it’s Phil and time slows down and the people around him fall away.

The countdown is happening around him. He locks eyes with Phil and he’s pretty sure someone just shoved a party popper into his hand but he really doesn’t care. Twenty-one, twenty, nineteen… Phil grabs his hand. Okay, okay, breathe, you need to remember to breathe, don’t fucking pass out for the love of all that is holy. Ten, nine, eight…

Now or never, Dan. Now or never. Now or never.

Five, Phil pulls him closer.

Four, Dan moves his hands to Phil’s waist.

Three, Phil moves his hands to the back of Dan’s head.

Two, Dan leans in. Or maybe Phil does. Or maybe--

One.

Shouts of joy, the mini explosions of party poppers, and choruses of “Happy New Year!” fill the room, and Dan kisses Phil. He feels soft and warm and they fit together so perfectly, and Dan pulls him impossibly close to his body and wow, why didn’t they do this sooner? It feels like fireworks, like the fireworks that are currently going off on TV, and it’s everything he could have imagined only magnified by about a million. It’s perfect. Perfect, just like Phil.

Applause erupts. Dan and Phil finally break away and see that everyone seems to be cheering for them. He completely forgot that there were other people in the room that could see them and now everyone knew. Awesome. Phil giggles and breaks the embrace, squeezing Dan’s hand instead. He’s completely and utterly mortified.

“About bloody time,” Chris remarks, shaking his head.

Dan scoffs. “Mind your own damn business.”

“Stop making out in front of everyone!” retorts Chris.

“What, we weren’t,” Dan stutters, but Phil just smiles and squeezes his hand again. Somehow, it’s not making Dan feel any better.

“Oh, leave them alone,” Louise scoffs at her friends, and soon their attention turns back to the TV, though they don’t stop laughing. Phil peers at Dan from behind his fringe and Dan can’t help but push it back a little and he can’t stop smiling and he knows he’s gone all red from embarrassment but he’s still on cloud nine. He kissed Phil. Or maybe Phil kissed him. Now he can��t really remember. It doesn’t matter, probably.

Party poppers explode and glasses clink and Dan kisses Phil again and nothing has felt more perfect in his whole life. He tastes like vodka and sugar cookies and Dan probably tastes the same and how could he have ever thought a thought as stupid as hating Phil Lester?

Phil laughs a bit, and pulls away. “My phone’s ringing,” he explains apologetically. He pulls it out of his pocket. “Fuck. It’s my mum.”

“Oh.” Dan takes a step back. “You should get that.”

Phil accepts the call while Dan sits back down on the couch. Around him, his friends start to clean up the flat. He hasn’t had a lot of time to process what just happened but now he can. Though, it’s fruitless, as he can barely believe any of this just happened.

Phil curls up next to him. “No… Mum, don’t worry… I don’t… Yes, he’s gonna take me home… I promise… Okay. Love you.” He closes his eyes and sighs. “Bye.”

A ghost of a smile remains on his face, but his eyes have lost their sparkle. “My mom wants me to come home,” he announces. “Do you still want to take me?”

“Yeah. Not like I still need to be here.”

“You’re sure you’ll be okay to drive and stuff?”

“I swear.”

“Positive?”

Dan leans in and plants a kiss on Phil’s nose. “Let’s go.”

Phil smiles and blushes. Dan’s never seen him so soft before. He’s still perfect, though. Still perfect. “Okay,” Phil whispers. “Okay.”

On their way out, Dan swears he can hear Chris whisper to PJ, “My work here is done.”

---

“Come on, slowpoke!” Dan shouts from his car, leaning on the horn. No response. Figures, the guy takes about a half hour at least to straighten his hair. And besides, he liked to make Dan wait. Annoying, since it was Dan doing him a favor and Dan asking for nothing in return. But then Phil comes bounding down the stairs and pulls the passenger’s door open.

“Right. Let’s go,” Phil commands, slamming the door shut.

“Yes sir,” replies Dan.

“Alright, alright, lose the attitude.”

“I’m your school chauffeur, I can act however I like.” He backs out of the driveway and speeds down the road to school. “By the way, we’re late. Again.”

“We’ll be fine.” He leans over the dashboard and gives Dan a peck on the cheek. “Better?”

“Marginally.”

“Whatever. You’re no fun.” Phil fake-pouts, crossing his arms and staring out the window.

Dan concentrates on the road in front of him, but a grin appears on the corner of his mouth. “I think what you meant to say was, ‘Thank you, my wonderful, beautiful, attractive boyfriend, for driving me to school every day, how could I ever repay you.’”

“As soon as I get my license, I am never driving in a car with you ever again.”

“Good to know you’ll always ride with me, then.”

Phil scoffs. “I’m telling you, the fourth time’s the charm.”

“Whatever you say, Lester.”

They’re both quiet for a bit, watching blocks and blocks of flats go by. “Thank you, Dan.”

“For what?”

Phil shrugs. “Everything?” Dan glances at him, and God he’s so beautiful, it almost hurts. Even in the early morning sun, it’s like looking into the night sky, into an entire galaxy.

“Ditto,” Dan replies. They’re almost to school, with only five minutes to spare.

“Ugh, don’t get all sappy on me.”

“What can I say? I’m a poet.”

Dan parks the car and turns to face Phil properly. They kiss, a real one this time. It’s warm. Phil pulls away slightly. “We’re actually going to be late, though.” He grabs his backpack and opens the car door.

“Your fault,” Dan replies, doing the same.

“I can live with that.”

“Yeah.” Dan leans across the car to kiss Phil one last time. “Me too.”

#phan #phanfiction #phan au #teen au #new year's eve #this is sooo so so so fluffy and sappy im so sorry #but like.... teen phan is my kryptonite what can i say #hope u enjoy #ngl..... this was alot of fun 2 write nd its not like the best thing ive ever written but..#its cute and its helping me come into my style of fiction writing so

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disinvited-guest · 7 years ago

Text

3/14/18 Recap

Another fantastic show, although I had expected nothing less. In comparison to Kansas City, this show was definitely a less talk, more rock type of performance, so the recap is more than a little shorter. Still, the banter that was there was hilarious, and they played a lot of songs that are really fantastic in a live setting.

They opened with Let's Get This Over With again. Afterwards Flans told us that it was the second time they had played this song and it was much better this time. Linnell chimed in to tell us it was “the first time we played it right.” Flans said that they “didn’t even announce the first time we played it.” He reminded us that they would be playing two sets that evening and then they started into a run of songs with no real banter.

During Damn Good Times, Danny saw me and saluted me with a grin. After an awesome and insane ending, Marty started right into the beginning of Ana Ng. Curt came out mid-Racist Friend like the night before and they introduced him briefly before playing Hey Mr. DJ.

Before All Time What, Flans told everyone they had a new album, and had people hold up the vinyl they had bought. He asked everyone to fake their enthusiasm for the new songs, and once again called on the theatre majors in the audience.

Afterwards, Linnell went to grab his accordion, while Flans told us the show was sold out and mentioned how close this show was from last night’s show. Thye played Whistling in the Dark and then Underwater Woman.

Flans introduced Marty and everyone went wild for the King of the Drums. Onstage, Danny clapped with us, he caught me looking at him and I got another smile.

They then played Let Me Tell You About My Operation. My sister has said that there are few parts of a tmbg concert that can equal this song and I’d have to agree with her, It was fantastic.

I believe it was before I Left My Body when Flans proclaimed that they were producing “second set quality in the first set.” Linnell responded that it was one of those situations where the opener just blew the main act away. In a fake “audience” voice, Flans asked who the opening act was “they look just like those guys!”

“But younger,” Linnell chimed in, and they started the song.

After Body, they talked a bit more about the rearview mirror on Linnell’s keyboard. I can’t remember all of what was said, but I believe Linnell mentioned how he could see Marty and Flans warned him “Don’t look at him too long or you’ll be hypnotised.”

They played the Mesopotamians and then went straight into This Microphone from there. Afterwards, Flans introduced Bills Bills Bills as “a song that was new to our repertoire the last time we were at the Slowdown,” and explained that the song was “so difficult to learn now we have to play it.” Linnell then told him it was the sunk costs. Flans was confused but Linnell told him that was what the situation was called.

Flans then moved on to explaining who was who in this song Linnell would of course be playing the part of Beyonce Knowles (“pronounced Knowles,” Linnell chimed in), the band would be playing Michelle (another Danny smile, it was my lucky day) and, Flans continued “I will be playing the part of Kelly. Kelly Kelly Kelly, always pushing things just a bit too far.”

It was clear that they had a great time playing Bills Bills Bills, and from there, they moved straight into Spy. Linnell directed the ending first, and played a sample of the first line of The One That You Love, repeated over and over opposite the controlled chaos of the band. He turned control over to Flans by shooting finger guns at him, which was adorable.

Flans had Danny play a note, then Marty a beat on the kick drum in impossibly quick succession a few times. I’m not describing it well, but it was incredibly impressive and really showcased how in sync with each other everyone was. After a bit, Flans brought us in opposite Curt and Dan, but we messed up, cheering when he wanted us to stop and he had to stop and show us what he wanted. After that, he ended things pretty quickly and the guys all left the stage.

Marty and the Johns were onstage even earlier into the Last Wave video this time, before the outro had really even started. The Quiet Storm set was the same as the night before, meaning they started with Older. Afterwards, Flans explained the Quiet Storm portion of the show, “always quiet, often stormy,” and introduced Marty on the electronic drums “the only thing that makes the acoustic portion of a show bearable.” He then introduced Curt as he came on stage and they played I Like Fun.

Introducing Tippecanoe and Tyler Too, Flans forgot which Harrison was running against Van Buren and asked us. Two guys in the middle of the crowd shouted out different answers and loudly disagreed about which Harrison it was. Flans looked over at them and said “Go ahead and fight, you don’t know each other and you have everything to lose.”

Meanwhile, Linnell had been trying to come up with a smart aleck response to which Harrison, but gave up “I was trying to think of something funny to say, but i got bored with the joke already.” They played Tippecanoe, then introduced Marty and his school bell alarm bell for Shoehorn With Teeth, moving straight from it into How Can I sing Like A Girl.

With that, The Dans returned to stage and Marty back over to his drum set to have a snack while Curt did another amazing intro to Istanbul. During the second fake ending Curt pointed to Dan, he looked surprised but played a line of the melody and the and Curt switched back and forth. It was absolutely FANTASTIC!

I believe it was after Istanbul that Linnell asked “Marty, I know you don’t have a microphone, but can you see me in the mirror?”

Marty started to answer without a mic but F grabbed his from the other side of the stage and leaned it over the drums so that Marty could talk into it. Marty told Linnell “I can only see you when I look at you.” Retrieving his mic, Flans commented on how that comment had really put Linnell in his place. Linnell told Flans “I know what he meant.” but Flans was on a roll. He explained to us all that “Marty is the captain of the ship.”

“I’m just the driver of the keyboards,” Linnell added.

Flans continued that Marty was so important that his throne was on another throne (apparently the drum riser counts as a throne). Losing his train of thought Flans asked Linnell “What song are we playing next? Are we playing Why Does the Sun Shine?”

We’re playing Why Does the Sun Shine,” Linnell agreed, and they started into the song. Apparently the heat and light from the sun is caused by the nuclear reaction between mice, eyeballs, and the crap you find in your dryer lint.

After they finished the song, Flans said that mice and stuff in dryer lint are same thing for him, since he finds mice in his dryer lint. “I don’t know how they open the door or why they open the door”

They introduced the next song as from the first album “before we were with the band.” Linnell assured us that “those guys were great though,” and they started Number Three.

Flans then told us that they were signaling the ¾ point of the show. Linnell added that that meant this was the waning gibbous of the show. Flans told him that Waning Gibbous sounded like the 4th member of ZZ Top who was kicked out for only having a mustache.

He then introduced the song New York City, which clearly confused everyone onstage (it was listed later in the setlist) but they did an amazing version of it and went straight into Wicked Little Critter when it was over, then into Twisting. Danny was singing the backing vocals at one point, which was adorable.

As Twisting ended Linnell called into his mic like he was paging someone “Gibbous, Mr waning Gibbous?” Which got a laugh from Flans as well as most of the crowd.

Flans then told us all “This is a song from our new album,” which was greeted with ragged cheers.

“Well, ok” Linnell said sarcastically.

Flans tried again “I said, this is a song from our new album!” and this time got a huge, raucous cheer as they started playing Mrs. Bluebeard. I think Danny knows that its one of my favorites in the live set because he looked over and grinned at me as it started. From there they segued straight into When Will You Die.

Then Linnell grabbed his accordion as Marty started up the beat to Particle Man and the others started us clapping. The interlude was Swing from the Chandelier and Linnell wanted to live like Triangle Man doesn’t exist. The song finished up and they all left the stage.

They returned with the always fantastic Birdhouse In Your Soul. For Curt’s “interruption” Flans and Dan got super close together to play, only 6 inches or so between their guitars, and as Curt broke through they both spun away. In opposite directions.

They then played The Guitar, with Flans sticking to the lyrics from the album. The Future of Sound, with Curt and Linnell, was wonderfully weird and it all was incredibly high-energy.

They left the stage again and returned to play Doctor Worm for us all before leaving for good. Flans, Marty, and Danny were out again to give everybody stickers. In addition to the blue 2018 stickers, Danny was giving out a few of the window clings they gave out the last leg of the 2016 tour. He also gave out three of the setlists, the third to me, while Fresh distributed the rest.

#tmbg #recap

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pantstomatch · 7 years ago

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The Tuesday Chat on Wednesday

(1/24/18)

This almost didn’t happen, folks, because my husband is working night shift and I am super tired and I’m expecting my youngest to start crying any minute now. But.

This week’s Chat is dedicated to Teen Wolf. Kind of. Mostly. I have some thoughts.

@slightestcomplication said: Is Teen Wolf worth watching? I feel like the fic fandom has probably ruined me for the show, as the writing won't be as good and the characterization less consistent. Fair? Or am I being too harsh? TY!

Okay, here’s the thing, I limped to the end of season 4 and then kind of half-assed the beginning of season 5 and literally could not watch it anymore, it was so painful, and there was no Derek. I couldn’t even bring myself to watch Derek come back in the farewell episodes. BUT:

The first season is kind of charming in how awkward and terrible it is? So I’d say that you could probably enjoy that for what it is, a mostly fun introduction to the characters, a baby-faced Stiles to stare at, Derek ACTUALLY lurking, like he just hangs on in dark places for real, it’s kind of hilarious. The plot is simplistic enough that it doesn’t seem too stupid.

Second season: SUPER BUFF ALPHA DEREK SHIRTLESS 90 PERCENT OF THE TIME FOR NO REAL REASON. Vamp Erica. Isaac crying over taking pain from a dog. Boyd. I mean, there’s also the whole weird lizard Jackson thing but mostly it’s about Derek’s werewolf betas and how bad of an idea he had to turn a bunch of maladjusted outcasts.

First half of the third season, uh, weird alpha pack stuff, honestly not great in a sea of not great, but it kept my interest. It’s worth it to get this far just for:

The second half of the third season. Look, DOB’s acting as the nogitsune is pretty phenomenal.

And then, THEN, you get Stiles actually going to Mexico to find Derek in the beginning of season 4.

The rest is… I mean, there are only really HIGHLIGHTS through-out the series, but while I did finish out season 4, I think I lasted maybe 2 episodes of 5 before crapping out. The writing is just so inconsistent and Scott’s self-righteousness gets SUPER old and if someone let them write another season I’m pretty sure aliens would have been involved, it just got too wild.

Conclusion: I wouldn’t discourage you from giving it a shot, but the fic is definitely one hundred percent better than the show.

Anonymous (definitely not @lissadiane) said: What makes you decide to switch fandoms? What fandoms have you been involved in? What did you like best about each one? When will you write Winterhawk?

I feel so attacked right now! Ha ha ha, no, okay, so while I do enjoy the wonder that is Bucky and Clint making out and falling in love, I’m just not into writing superheroes! I guess that could change (especially if a certain someone wants to jump onto that train and I just have to follow). I don’t know, I don’t like to write anything off completely. Only time will tell.

I’m not sure HOW I pick new fandom, it just kind of happens. I can’t even remember how I got into any fandom except for my first: I liked to peruse this one junk website, “Junk” was in the title but I can’t remember the actual name of the blog. Anyway, they’d linked to a random story, I think it was probably Harry/Ginny. I’d never even HEARD of fandom before, my first email address was from the college computer lab, and the internet confused me until I graduated and got a job at an internet start-up company (that tanked, as they all mostly did, 2 years later). ANYWHO. That aged me, right there.

So, quick fandom history: with a few crossover exceptions, basically I was in Harry Potter (03-05), then SGA (05-07), Bandslash (07-10), Brief Period of Time where I was Out of Fandom and Writing WHATEVER, and now Teen Wolf (12-present). As you can see, I’ve been in Teen Wolf the longest, even though I’ve written more Bandslash fic than anything else so far. I really think it’s the werewolves. I’ve always really really loved them, even before Teen Wolf.

Things that have drawn me to each are…

Harry Potter: wizards and witches!

SGA: SPACE ADVENTURES IN ANOTHER GALAXY, also Rodney and John. Also Ronon. But mainly Rodney and John.

Bandslash: boys in bands? Patrick Stump? Ryan Ross’s rose vest? The Cobra? William Beckett’s legs? Maya Ivarssan’s legs? VickyT? There’s just so many characters to chose from and they all intersect at some point, it was amazing.

Teen Wolf: Stiles and werewolves.

I’d need to find something I really connect with to switch fandoms. I read in A LOT. I can read anything, honestly, as long as it’s well written and compelling, but I can’t write in everything. I’m still kind of settled in sterek for the time being.

Anonymous said: If you could choose any actors and writers in the industry, who would you pick to write and star in TW? (You don't have to recast every role. TH could still be Derek, DOB could still be Stiles).

This is REALLY hard to imagine, mainly because I’ve had 5 years to hone these characters with certain specific faces in mind. For writers, basically anybody but Jeff Davis. Throw TWO OF MY THREE CATS at this show and they could write a better episode than Jeff Davis. It’d just be, like, an hour of Scott and Stiles eating at a diner and hissing at each other.

But, okay, for some reason I keep imagining Dan Radcliffe as Scott McCall, hapless teen wolf. And he plays it like he’s Dan Radcliffe, not a character. I don’t know, that dude just amuses me to no end. I really want to see him accidentally bitten by a werewolf.

@booklady27 said: This is more of a Teen Wolf comment than an ask, but whatever. There’s a city in Wisconsin (Holmen) whose street names have a peculiar amount of Teen Wolf references. The one that gets me the most is Hale Drive that turns into Wolfe Drive. NO JOKE! There’s also Hale Road, Hale Court, and Derek Avenue. It just makes me think that the Hale family founded the town and started naming the streets with their names (no Laura, Cora, etc., though; I checked.). [1/2]

It would be their own personal joke that Hale Drive turns into Wolfe Drive. What’s also funny is that there’s a Hunter Court. It makes me imagine that a Hunter family moved into a new subdivision in their town, so they decided to be funny and name the street Hunter Court. I can’t NOT drive through this city without snickering to myself that the Hale family owns it and are trolling everyone! Holmen, WI is legit the setting of a fanfic! [2/2]

I would definitely read an AU about this. There should be super blatant werewolf references all over town too. And a kitchy monster-themed coffee shop that a oblivious Stiles frequents!

Thank you to all who sent me asks!! Please feel free to send me more for next week :))

#tuesday chat #my posts #teen wolf #fandom #slightestcomplication #lissadiane

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shanamichelewrites-blog · 7 years ago

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Last Moment of Childhood

This is just a cute little story I wrote while based off of a prompt in one of the several writing prompt books I have. It is not edited that much, as it was just for fun. I hope you enjoy!

Part One

¨Mom, I get what you're saying, but this is my choice to make. I don't see why you care so much.¨ I say as I pull a soda out of the refrigerator.

¨You are my baby. I want you to stay that way sweetie.¨ I roll my eyes at her

¨Were you like this when Dan said he wasn't trick-or-treating anymore?¨

¨Thats Differ-¨ She starts but I cut her off.

¨No it's not mom. Just deal with it. I'm too old to be even trick-or-treating this year but you already bought my costume. And Randy needed someone to go with.. ¨ I trail off as I take a sip of my drink.

¨You are going with Randy..? I thought you weren't talking to him anymore. Last week you came in here super upset and said you'd never talk to him again? Why not just go out with Lincoln like you every other year?¨

¨Well Randy invited me to go out with him. And besides Lincoln is such a little kid...Randy is cool.I have to go now Mom or I´ll be late.¨ I don´t wait for her reply and run up the stairs to grab the costume from my room.

I pull it on and sigh. I look like a damn 5-year-old.. A big lumpy orange mess. I'm pretty sure this was Dan´s costume from when he was in 5th grade.. I´ve always been smaller than he was at my age. My mom doesn't seem to get that I am in high school now, and I need to start dressing like a big kid and not some little dork.

¨Come down here so your mother can get pictures of you.¨ My dad calls up the stairs. I stomp down the stairs to show my distaste.

¨Really Mom…?¨ I would go further but my father shoots me a look. I shut up and let my mom take the stupid picture.

¨Alright I'm leaving now.¨ I say and with that, I rush out the door. As soon as I'm out the door, I see Randy coming down the street with a few older boys. None of them are wearing costumes, especially one as stupid as mine. I start panicking. I rip the stupid orange fabric off of my body and stash it in the bushes in front of my house before anyone can see it.

I run out my front gate and go up to them. They are all laughing at something.

¨Hey Randy.. Thanks for inviting me out tonight.” Their conversation and laughter cease. Some of the older boys give me weird looks. Most of them are much taller than I am.

¨Why´d you let the squirt come out with us Randy.. I thought you were cooler than that.¨ I shrink back.. ¨

¨Oh guys, give him a chance. You can be cool, right RayRay?¨ He uses the old nickname he gave me in elementary school.

¨Please.. I'm surprised he's not wearing some stupid costume. The boy wouldn't know how to be cool if his life depended on it. ¨ I ball my fists..

¨I'M NOT SOME STUPID LITTLE KID!¨ I yell at the boy. Randy puts his hand on my shoulder and I calm down.

¨Relax Raymond.. We just gotta show him that you can be cool.¨ The older boy seemed to back off and go along with Randy's plan.

We start walking in the opposite direction of my house. I take one look back at my house only to see my mother outside, pulling the costume out of the bushes. She might be far away but the sad look on her face is unmistakable…

We ended up walking to the little convenience store on the corner of Main Street and Maple Ave.

¨Okay little guy, go in and prove your worth...¨ I look at Randy confused.

¨Beer. You have to go in there and steal us two packs of beer.¨ Randy explains.

I try not to freak out, but I'm pretty sure they can see right through me. Randy gives me a little nudge. ¨Is your head made of iron? Go.¨

´You have to impress these guys.. Don't be a little scaredy cat. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out..´ I duck down behind the shelves so the worker doesn't see me. I work my way to the back coolers. Once I find the beer, I open the cooler door as quietly as possible. I have to act quickly because if the guy up front looked down the aisle he would be able to see me. I grab two 12 pack of beer, one in each hand and move behind one of the shelves again. The cooler door swings close and I curse under my breath.

´The worker heard that.. He is going to catch me and going to call the police. He is going to ruin everything and Randy and his friends will just pick on me even more at school than they already do.´

I wait a whole minute before moving. I peak from behind the shelves and see that the worker did not move from his seat. I let out a sigh of relief. I grab another case of beer and stuff it in my shirt and then make a break for the door. I get out before the worker even notices me.

Randy and the other boys are waiting for me. ¨Holy shit, he actually did it.¨

¨Told you he would.¨ He walks up to me and takes the two cases of beer out of my hands.¨ Just ducted under the shelves huh?¨ I nod. ¨Hmm thought so. We are all too tall to do that. You are perfect for it though.¨

¨ I also got.. .¨ I pull out the other case from my shirt. Luckily my shirt was tucked into my pants so it didn't fall out.

¨Better than expected.. Not bad short stuff..¨ the taller kid says. ¨Now time for the real test.¨ They open the case and hand me a beer.

¨Drink up.¨

“Ah...oh… okay, yeah, of course…” I hesitantly take the can from him. I’m waiting for them to tell me it’s all a joke.

I shiver at the sound of the can opening in my hands. I slowly bring it to my lips and take a sip. They are all watching my every move carefully. The liquid feels foreign to me and I have to resist the urge to spit it out. I swallow it and lower the can from my lips.

I expected the silence to end, for them to start chatting and drinking themselves. I wanted them to stop paying attention to me so I could just pour the gross drink out onto the grass without having to tell them I couldn’t drink it. That is not what happens though.

Instead, they all still staring at me. Never taking their eyes off of me. Randy notations for me to continue drinking. They want me to drink the whole thing?! All at once??

‘These boys are going to kick the crap out of you if you don’t drink all of it. Its written all over their faces.’ I put the can back up to my lips and continue drinking. I figure, the faster I drink it, the less time I have to taste it .

The boys stare at me in shock as I throw the now empty can on the ground and crush it with my foot. The beer feels funny sitting in my stomach but I try my best to play it off like I don’t feel anything.

“How you feel Ray?” Randy asks. He seems proud. Whether it’s of me for drinking it or of himself for convincing me to it, I’m not sure.

“Fi-,” I hiccup. “-ne” They all laugh and finally their attention is turned away from me.

Randy puts his arm around my shoulder. “I knew you could do it.”

Part Two

The drinking didn’t last long. The beer quickly ran out, but it proved sufficient enough to get them all drunk so they didn't make me get more.

We walked around for awhile as they drank. They made me down a few more beers, but not too many as they wanted more for themselves. I think, in total, I drank around five beers…?

Eventually, we start making our way down to the other end of town. The area is filled with nicer houses and fancy restaurants. The tallest guy said he needed to pick something up from a guy in that area.

We get onto Holland Street and then the guys start joking about how the principle of the high school lives on this street and that we should teepee his house. Everyones too out of it to think of any reasons not to.

It seemed that this was their plan all along when one of the boys pulled rolls of toilet paper out of his bag. He had one for everyone, except me. I know they weren’t expecting me to come along but that didn’t matter. With the alcohol, my emotions were all over the place and it made me so upset. This was just another reason for exclusion for me. I thought I was finally starting to warm up to the other boys. That I would finally become a member of this group and not just some tag along. I guess not though..

They quickly found the right house and started going at it. Nobody paid any attention to me. No looks, no comments, nothing. Nobody cared.

I feel the tears well up in my eyes. I sniffle a little. ‘ You can’t let them see you so upset. You’ll lose all the progress you made with them.’ I can’t stop the tears though. So, while they are all distracted, I run.

I take off sprinting down the street. Turning corners and not stopping. The tears flowing down my face. My mind is a blur and I just let my feet take me.

Nobody can run forever though. I run out of breath and eventually stop running. My hands are on my knees and I’m gasping for breath. I look up and see the ocean. I ran to the pier.

I use to come down here with my father when I was younger. We fished a lot. A couple years back we stopped going through. Fishing was never my thing, but it was really the only time we hung out, just me and him. He seemed to really enjoy it though. Nowadays, he's too busy to even do that with me. He still goes with Dan sometimes though.

The water looks peaceful. Waves slowly rolling to the shore. The sound of the water hitting the rocks is soothing. The wind blows and the smell of salt fills my nose. Peaceful.

But peace doesn't last forever. The wind grows cold and sends shivers down my arms and goosebumps rise on my arm. The street lamp above me flickers a few times and then goes out. Nothing left out here but me and the full moon.

My thoughts begin to clear. The fresh air helping. Everything comes crashing down on me again. The events of the night replay in my head over and over again.

´I'm so stupid. I actually thought those boys would be my friend. They don't like me. They'll never like me. They used me…´

My tears begin to fall once again as I sob loudly.

I don't know how long I was standing there crying. I feel so alone.

¨Ray..? Is that you..?¨ A voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I turn around and see a figure standing under a streetlight at the beginning of the pier.

¨Lincoln... That you?¨ I ask. I walk towards the figure and recognize him. He is dressed up as Buzz Lightyear from toy story. He has a big sack of candy with him.

¨What are you doing out here?¨ he asks me.

¨What are you doing out here?¨ I ask him.

¨Wealthy people out this way give out way better candy so I convinced my mom to bring me out here. Now answer my question, ¨ he says

We sit down on a bench, and I explain everything that had happened to him. I stumble over my words a lot but I'm able to get everything out.

When he learns that I had been drinking he stands up in shock. He started lecturing me about how that it was so stupid to do that, but he stopped halfway through. A look of realization crosses his face for a moment.

¨You know. You don't need me telling you too. It's pretty cold out here, how about we go back to my house. You can spend the night.¨

I must have looked hesitant because he adds ¨I'll even share my candy with you. You don't want your ´Last Halloween trick or treating´going to waste do you?”

He offers me a hand and we get up off the bench.

¨Thanks Lincoln..¨

He pushes up his glasses. ¨No problem Ray.¨

#writer #story #short story #writing #writing prompts #childhood #drinking #friendship #halloween #writers on tumblr #books #novel #short fiction #fiction #family

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britishchick09 · 4 years ago

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sherlock ep 1 a study in pink livewatch

for the first livewatch of 2021 (and the first liverewatch), we’re taking a look at something i saw exactly 4 years ago! now that i’ve written my own sherlock holmes inspired story, the show will be a lot more interesting than it was in 2017 (hopefully). let’s dive right in! :D

this starts out with GUNS WAR SCREAMING DEAD NO

poor john :(

what a bleak flat :(

ooh laptop

i hope sherlock will be able to brighten up his life :)

OMG DAS THE BLOG!!!!

dere he is! :D

john has a therapist just like monk! :D

also he and molly’s dad from ag both have ptsd and the blog is to help cope with that... i wonder if molly’s dad had something similar like a journal (he had knitting which would help john’s shaky hands)

john: “nothing happens to me.” oh really? ;)

cool dramatic intro :D

the wheel is a dan and phil reference! :D

REDRUM ALERT REDRUM ALERTT!!!!!

poor wife :(

aww john is alone in the rain! :(

REDRUM RED RUM!!!!!

ooh blackberry! :D

a lady said ‘ignore the texts’ and that makes sense since ya know THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE LISTENING TO LESTRADE

these other people are cool and all but give me more john plz!!!!

ooh john has a friend before sherlock! :o

why does his friend look like his dad

OH HELLO MR

HE’S SLAPPING SOMETHING AND IT’S THE MOST HILARIOUS THING EVER OMG :D

the lady is super confused too like ‘???’

oh he’s checking for bruises it still funny tho ;D

of course he wants black coffee

the first thing sherlock does is ask john for his phone awww :)

that looks like a ds lol :D

aww sherlock wants to know if john plays violin like him! ^_^

john: “we just met and you want to look at a flat” it’s called true luv bby ♥

also wowza sherlock really wants a friend huh

sherlock just infodumped about john and john’s like ‘:o ???’

THE WINK THE WINK!!!!!

ooh coolio! :D

john is about to go inside baker street when sherlock comes out of a taxi what timing!

did sherlock just say florida

ah yes mrs hudson the number one johnlock shipper

aww she hugged sherlock and john! ♥

dere it is!!!!

my computer randomly shut down here GOSH DARN IT COMPUTER!!

it’s back let’s return to baker street! :D

aww john has a cane :(

john: “very nice indeed!” see sherlock is the light in his life already!

mrs. hudson: “there’s another bed upstairs if you’ll be needing two.” sherlock “of course we’ll be needing two” johnlock shippers be like ;)

mrs. hudson scolded sherlock for his messy flat WE LOVE A MOM!!! ♥

oh yeah sherlock had a website once! rip that :/

i almost expected mrs. hudson to call sherlock ‘lockie’

omg 4 murders? DUN DUN DUNNN!!!! :o

sherlock: “i need an assistant!” aww that’s code for friend! ♥

sherlock just jumped around and said “BRILLIANT!!!” first of all ADORABLE and secondly that’s what my own sherlock would do! (but he says ‘smashing!’)

he’s so excited about the murders wtf :’)

sherlock: “it’s christmas!” lol

aaand he’s gone

mrs. hudson said ‘cuppa’ that’s british slang for coffee (as seen in my own sherlock story) the more you know ;)

mrs hudson said ‘i’m not your housekeeper’ to sherlock and now john is that gonna be a running joke with her

oh hey lockie’s back

john: “i’ve seen too many deaths.” sherlock: “want to see some more?” john: “oh god, yes.” ...ok wasn’t expecting his ‘oh god’ to sound like that

i think the version in my story (’would you like to see a murder?’ ‘you mean a flock of crows or a gruesome death?’ ‘yes, we meet at the park every thursday- of course i mean a gruesome death!’) is better sorry sherlock :/

sherlock: “there’s finally something fun going on!” indeed there is! :D

sherlock: “the game, mrs. hudson. is on!!” and there’s the tagline for the series! (jk i don’t think it has one of those)

and off they go! (the theme music is really good btw)

why does sherlock’s voice sound a bit stuffed

john: “the police don’t consult amateurs!” BOI

sherlock said ‘mp3 player’ how very 2010 of you

sherlock’s deduction is cool :D (and a bit scary like how do you do these things)

john: “how can you possibly know about the drinking?’ as my holmes character once said, ‘detectives always know’ ;)

john: “that... was amazing.” indeed it was! :D

some chick just called sherlock ‘freak’ WOAH WOAH WOAH SISTER :o

aww sherlock called john a colleague how cute :)

woah anderson is a cranky perfectionist

why are they talking about deodorant

guy: “who is he?” sherlock: “he’s with me” johnlock shippers be like ;) ;)

yo are they in hazmat suits

credit cards how modern

of course kids found her

the lady’s in pink TITLE REFERENCE!! :D

i love how sherlock randomly says ‘shut up’

ooh sherlock’s thought process being shown is cool :D

as are the floating words!

guy: “got anything?” sherlock: “not much” lol :D

OP THERE BE RACHE!! :D (book reference!)

ooh cardiff that’s the cardiff giant

he wants john to examine the body because it’s fun how nice :)

the shade of pink is ‘alarming’ according to sherlock that’s because it’s so dark!

guy: “you’re just making this up!” boi sherlock doesn’t make anything up ;)

john: “that’s fantastic!” sherlock: “shut up” lol :D

sherlock clapped his hands together like maria in sound of music aww ♥

sherlock: “huston, we have a case!” nice one ;)

sherlock: “PIIINK!” panther!

is ‘rache’ really ‘rachel’ tho? ;)

great sherlock took off now john’s all on his own :/

jerk lady: “you’re not his friend. he doesn’t have friends.” he does now ;)

john: “i’m nobody.” no watson you’re... THE LAST SKYWALKER!!!

john and sherlock say ‘taxi!’ the same way awww :)

yo who’s calling john :o

john: “who’s this?” AN AD APPEARED JUST AFTER THAT WHAT TIMING!

is this guy moiarty or mycroft or whoever the villain’s name is in the holmesverse

he’s definitely a villain that voice is so scar!

the lady in the taxi knows john WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE

the car stopping sounds like tardis

the villain guy has a cane too YEP HE’S A BADDIEE!!!i

john: “you could just phone me... on my phone.” lol :D

john said the villain isn’t frightening BOi

villain: “since yesterday, you’ve moved in with him and now you’re solving crimes together. might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?” johnlock shippers be like :D!!!!!

also my watson moved in with holmes three days after they met so things are going super fast for the bbc lads i see! :)

villain: “he does love to be dramatic.” yeah he sure does!

the villain said ‘221′ as the actual number and it sounds weird

villain: “i worry about him constantly” is this sherlock’s bro?

this guy is creepy wtf :(

and he’s using an umbrella as a cane why

the villain and john held hands i bet people ship them

yep this is sherlock’s bro alright they both infodump!

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THIS GUY’S NAME????

he says john misses the war and the ‘oh god yes’ makes perfect sense

yo why does john want to see the taxi lady more SHERLOCK IS IN DESPERATE NEED OF FRIENDSHIP PLZ ♥

yo sherlock has a nicotine patch NO SMOKING

sherlock: “breathing is boring”

he’s lying on the couch with his hands in prayer that’s so sherlock

john: “you brought me here to send a text?” the most 21st century question ever

sherlock about john seeing his enemy: “oh which one?” oh boy...

john: “who is he?” sherlock: “the most dangerous man i’ve ever met” AND HIS NAME IS....???????

sherlock in the text: “i must’ve blacked out...” wtf lockie

aww john called the dead lady ‘the pink lady’

sherlock just hopped up on the chair while holding onto it what a lad

i hope bennedict cumberbatch’s voice isn’t that deep and it’s only because of copyright it’s woah :o

john: “did i just text a murderer?” only in the holmesverse!

sherlock: “you could watch the telly...” OMG MY HOLMES CHARACTER SAID THAT EXACT THING!!! you go subconscious! :D

john: “you get off on this (solving cases)” plz don’t say it like that

wowza it’s so dark outside!

sherlock: “who passes unnoticed?” the cabbie!!

op here’s the diner scene from the sarah z’s tjlc vid!

waiter: “on the house for you and your date!” john: “i’m not his date!” johnlock shippers would like to disagree with you watson ;)

john: “you don’t have a girlfriend, then? do you have a boyfriend? which is fine by the way” OH COME ON

sherlock: “i’m married to my work and am flattered by your interest” OH COME ONNNNN

that lip licking john THAT LIP LICKING

oh boy the queerbaiting was strong with that scene

sherlock: “why a taxi?” cuz the cabbie did it boi!

see i remember things from this ep now!

WOAH SHERLOCK ALMOST GOT HIT BY A CAR WTF

sherlock and john going through town to get the cabbie with the street signs is something i easily remember from my first time watching. it’s so cool! :D

the music is great too!

sherlock: “this way! ...no, this way!” lol :D

and he almost gets hit by a car again! fun times with lockie :)

yo is the cabbie american

THAT WASN’T THE CABBIE MURDERER LOOLL!!!!!

sherlock pickpockets lestrade when he’s annoyed lol (that’s something my holmes would so do)

sherlock: “ready?” john: “ready when you are!” ♥

awww they’re laughing against the wall! :) ♥♥♥♥

imma be honest when i first saw that in gifs i thought it was a bed o///o

john forgot his cane and was able to run through london SEE SHERLOCK IS THE LIGHT IN HIS LIFE!!!

sherlock has said ‘shut up’ three times now lol :D

WHY IS EVERYONE AT THE FLAT

oh so rachel is a person! :o

onto part 2!

the first 10 seconds of part 1 are in the beginning how nice! :)

sherlock is ‘everyone’s favorite psychopath’

awww rachel was stillborn :(

of course the lady would think of her daughter! sherlock’s right!!

sherlock: “that was ages ago, why would she still be upset?” even after 14 years people can still be upset of a loved one’s death (just ask paul and addie) :(

mrs. hudson: “they’re making a mess!” oh mrs. hudson and her messes :)

sherlock: “SHUT UP, EVERYBODY, SHUT UP! DON’T MOVE. DON’T SPEAK, DON’T BREATHE!” gretchen from bob’s burgers: “GIVE HIM SOME ROOM!”

he’s so happy because the dead lady’s clever!! :D

smartphones, emails, online, gps... how 21st century!

mrs. hudson called sherlock ‘dear’ awww :)

sherlock: “who passes unnoticed wherever they go?” THE CABBIEEEEEE

CABBIE CABBIE CABBIE CABBIEEEE!!!!!!!

sherlock didn’t order the taxi THE CABBIE WANTS TO MURDER HIM AND THUS THE CABBIE MURDERED THEMMM!!!!!!!

SEE I REMEMBER THINGS FROM THIS EP!!!! :D

in my own holmes story the cabbie isn’t the killer IT HAS EVEN MORE OF AN EPIC TWIST!!! (although the cabbie twist is pretty epic too)

THE CABBIE WANTS TO TALK TO SHERLOCK AND KILL HIM OOHHHHHH

then the pills will come in

sherlock’s phone ring is old-fashioned awww :)

the others have given up but john won’t!

the cabbie has been on sherlock’s website IF ONLY I COULD TOO :(

sherlock knows all the streets of london coolio! :D

the cabbie knows of a ‘nice quiet spot for a murder’ while the villain guy said something of a quiet place hmm....

YO DON’T POINT THAT GUN AT SHERLOCK MR CAB MAN >:(

john’s gonna save sherlock!!! :D

sherlock’s in the pill room isn’t he

i remember this they sit down and sherlock has to choose the right pill

AND IT’S A RISK!

of course sherlock will choose the right one! :D

is sherlock’s ‘mortal enemy’ also the ‘fan’ that the cabbie speaks of?

cabbie: “this is... the move.” ;)

john in the taxi brings up an interesting question, do people in apartments not have cars or is it just a london thing?

they’re talking so much JUS TAKE THE PILLS!!!!

it’s good explanation, but that’s why i got out of sherlock in the first place- it’s goes on for so long in some places!

THEY TOOK THE PILLS!

and the cabbie died, his last word being the name of his beloved (just like the lady writing the name of her own before she died)...

sherlock: “what’s this blanket they keep putting this blanket on me-“ john: “it’s for shock.” sherlock: “i’m not in shock!” lol :D

sherlock: “i’m in shock, look i got a blanket!” double lol :D

wait does john not have his cane?? :o

john: “he wasn’t a very nice man.” yeah he wasn’t!!

awww they’re laughing about the cabbie :)

john: “you can’t giggle at a crime scene” ♥

moiarty is the bro!!!!

YEP HE IS!

♥

this was such an amazing first ep and i loved it even more than when i saw it in 2017! i’ll definitely be watching more (maybe in another livewatch wink wink). i guess you can say i’m now... johnlocked ;)

#livewatch #this was a fun one :)#especially after all these years!

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