#also the writing is just Bad at times esp the beginning you could like easily smooth those kinks out to make it flow better

[valleynix]

GHOSTIE AGAIN (ch16) WE R FINALLY ON FIRST NAME TERRITORY WITH ALCINA YESSS also oh my god lottle crow is SO cute i absolutely love that petname!!!

also. THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCES MAKE ME INSANE EVERY TIME ugghhh dani just /towering/ over reader in the alleyway 😩😩

also² i love how u wrote how the forest just extends on and on- it's just a simple line but i think it has such a big effect esp on how it makes reader seem a bit more trapped :P

i absolutely love how u write dani too btw- shes such a sweetheart and i love her constant will to keep trying esp for reader 😭🫶

also³ BELA ughhh omg i can be soo good for u trust i follow commands And i can beg 😩😩😩😩 WHY DO WE KEEP GETTING COCKBLOCKED BY THE SIBLINGS RAHHHHH

also⁴ rip red (i dont feel that bad tbh but bashing their head in was BRUTAL)

YIPPEE!! i forgot how soft Alcina was in the beginning of this chapter 😭 “my little crow” ma’am 🙏

REAL OF YOU. it’s funny that the Dimis are much taller than Reader but often don’t act as if they are. i try to include that as much as possible :D

that was the intention! i guess they COULD leave if they really wanted to, but why would they?? regardless, they really started to see just how isolated the village really is and it does make sense why they were lost so easily

DANIIII MY BELOVED. she’s the sweetest thing ever, especially when it comes to those she cares for. she’s so accommodating and gentle and AUGH

LMAO IT’S AN ONGOING JOKE WITH BELA 😭 like a running gag kinda. continuously never gets her alone time because no one can leave her alone

RED DESERVED IT‼️ and i will always stand by that

[rosenecklaces]

Elain and Azriel for the ask game

Hii bestie tsm for the ask 💓

- For elain

First impression: she was just like me fr LMAO No but in all seriousness, I don't know if sjm intended to write a typical young girl with no job that just isn't fan of doing stuff but... that's me? I have getting better tho but when I started acotar almost two years ago I don't particularly hated her because I am just as lazy and kind of "in the clouds" ( tho we don't know if she and nesta took care of the house/cleaning so there's that)

Impression now: Azriel better square the fuck up or I make her my wife. I love the gradually little glimpses of who she is that we had been given, I am delighted by her grow and who she had become since the first book to acosf. I am glad I didn't gave up to read the rest of the series because GOD I needed an unapologetically soft and kind character that isn't a pushover and actually haves narrative relevance, is surprising to find (for me) esp. in a fantasy book series

Favorite moment: All? Lol genuinely practically all she does and says I'm like "yes queen get into it". But if I have to choose 100% the killing of hybern and "don't you touch my sister", the headache powder scene and the "come find me when you wish to begin" it was hot as hell + omg "and that makes him entitled of my attention?" The way I GASPED I was clapping and screaming like crazy I swear, also when she confronted lucien and called him out for his betrayal and left him GAGGED god I was smiling like crazy

Idea for a story: I'm into creepy shit and I think seer elain have potential for some spooky and gothic kind of stuff. "mother nature" elain is also an idea I'm interested in. Would love if she haves some weird extra connection to the cauldron/the mother too

Unpopular opinion: OH fuck I have a lot of those but gonna try keep it basic= She wouldn't have kids on her own but she would adopt, I see she+ az are more of the adopting side. She's morr chubby than her sisters and her arm are way stronger that you would think (this woman is a gardener full time c'mon) and I feel, in her mind, she is way more "rude" and the only think stopping her from insulting someone in their face is her self control and education, she is big lover of nature and animals but insects is a no no for her ( especially when they eat her flowers!) She likes parties and knowing new people but her social battery can get drained easily

Favorite relationship: Tamlain :)... could you imagine LOL, obviously elriel they are my 4 lifers. I also like some morlain and vasslain and casslain on the side,nice and cute. I like the archeron sisters messiness and their moments, little but good for my heart

Favorite headcanon: she's bi but tbh half the characters i like I see them as bi sowrry. I like the dusk theory a lot and I'll forever be a believer of it. I think her seer powers are just the tip of the iceberg and she actually haves mind powers (Jean Grey type of powerful) and I think she knows of her charms/how people views her and use it as an advantage she definetely could kill a person and get away with it ( gaslight gatekeep girlboss 💅)

- Azriel

F.I : 100% tought he was gonna be the typical "mysterious bad boy that doesn't give a shit and is cold as ice" I was so ready to ignore his ass, then he started to talk and do some stuff in his first pages and I was like "hmm, maybe your just like me fr.." and OH. MY .GOD I was RIGHT

I.N: He couldn't get over his crush of allegedly 500+ years? he didn't like to lost his breath in meaningless convos? he loves knifes and daggers and doesn't like to be touched by sweaty people? he hides his emotions because God forbid people realize you can FEEL? he's honest but also polite? his touch starved? like-, the online fandom tricked me... he isn't some sexy mysterious god he's just me but more baddass and a hot emo 🤷🏽‍♀️. He's everything to me now, he's like a brother to me he's my lost twin he's an emotional represed emo too weak for a woman's touch and I love him so much if sjm ruins him if someone speak ill of him if anything (more) bad happens to him I'm going to kill everyone in this room and then myself — I'm very normal about him yes.

F.M: as with elain love them all. In my top there's his moments with the archeron sisters, defending feyre and understanding nesta, the seeing and befriending elain slowly. The "im getting her back" whole scene, fucking hell that was awesome. carrying elain while injured and gotta ad the putting the necklace in elain, man's hands where SHAKING love that for him. Bonus the "I don't know what your talking about" to rhys when he knew damn well he catched him in the act, "what if the cauldron was wrong"+ knowing he would win in the BR, Slayyyyyyyyyyyy king

IFAS: hmm, gonna go with him finding his his step bros and killing them for what they did 🤷🏽‍♀️ give me vengeful azriel the bastards deserves it. As with elain, him as a high lord of dusk could be so nice. I also wish SJM didn't had ruined his+ rhys and cass relationship with the illyrians, she did awful making him hate his own people it could had been interesting exploring his illyrian blood more

Unpopular opinion: OH BOYYY AHAH. I don't believe he's a crazy sex casanova that had lovers left and right 24/7, just don't see him this much sex drived as cass/rhys, I do think he has various lovers but the number is exaggerated/no one really knows if those where different people or a same group he trust on. I REFUSE, you heard me, REFUSE to believe he has decades pining for Mor, that was 100% exaggerated and the way he felt for elain so naturally and kinda quick makes me think he has not being that crushing in mor for a good while (he also knew she likes women there's no way the spymaster couldn't know, of course he wouldn't tell anyone something so private of mor). He's older than cass and a little bit older than rhysand/same age (he gives me oldest daughter syndrome is all). For me shadowsinger is some kind of person that can literally heard and feel stuff others can't, I do think he can heard messages from the wind/any elements with vibration (like a BAT :) ) of course the shadows are a plus to detect stuff and protection but shadowsinger seems like a more highly sensorial power of a fae. He's an introvert and hate loudlyness ( sensible to big noises) except if is a family gathering

FAV.R: ELAINNN, elriel 4lifers friendship and romance and sluttyness in one package mwahh Delicious. I also like his dinamic with Cass and Rhys (AS BROTHERS AND BESTIES don't get it twisted), I kind of have a crackship of him and Varian yah, he seems like his type for some reason. I also think azriel could had a crush on Helion (well who wouldn't is the real question) and yeah bi azriel all the way idc

FAV.H: His shadows being from Hel and maybe he's connected to it so that's why they came to him ( maybe koschei knows and sees him as worth having by his side?). I like to think he is indeed into poetry, his mom likes it a lot and he picked it up from her, which gets me in the next point that is about him being a fae nerd lol, I feel he would had read a lot about bodies functions and anatomy for his torturer job, a lot about the other courts and stations, temperatures all that stuff, survival stuff for rough missions, how to cook without much resources, rosehall must be a place with a big garden so I love thinking he even gave elain advice when they talked about her plans, overall this guy reads a lot and loves to do so but mostly about practical stuff/poems and philosophy ( he's a workaholic but that's canon I think). I see him as more slim in body than cassian and rhys, kind of a little waist & big shoulders like rhysand but his arm and legs are more thick (since training) also larger, he's taller than Cass. I'm an azriel with big nose and curly emo haircut truther all the way. He doesn't know how to sing and haves a BIG sweet tooth

[confusedgoldenflower]

You know what, fuck being nice and treading carefully. ASKING a character’s (and, thus, real people’s) sexuality to be respected and to NOT have their main fandom presence be DRENCHED in sex ISN’T gatekeeping. It’s asking for a modicum of representation and respect to the community of interest.

I’m not gonna argue that even “fIcTiOnaL” character’s sexualities be respected (which, btw, Jeremy, easily crosses over into how one respects real people), because I refuse to argue that people deserve respect. But I will tell people who lack reading comprehension skills off.

So I’m gatekeeping? Really? Wanting representation for a minority and for them to not be overlooked is gatekeeping? Incredible. Great job, everyone, let’s all just burn the asexuals down so we *don’t* have to worry about the possibility that MAYBE someone in a relationship doesn’t want sex and the other(s) just have to suck it up.

Because you know what seeing an ace character constantly thrown into sexual situations 90% of the time does? It’s belittling and makes one feel broken, not right, inferior, inadequate—not to mention is an ignorant thing to do! You want those characters to fuck so bad? Maybe get better at writing OR, and here’s another big brain move, pluck other characters of the same vibe.

Seeing basically nothing but sexual content of a character is normalising esp ACROSS NUMEROUS fandoms.

Allos don’t hAvE tO rElAtE tO aCeS, but you do have to put some fucking respect on our names.

And for those of you who literally can’t read, I said Ace as Man is to Mankind. Where did I specify sex-disgusted aces, or that the aspec doesn’t exist? Hm?

You want them to be so sexual so bad? Don’t steal this character, you have an entire damn story of other characters to put in sexual situations that already fit your mold. Don’t poach aces (no I’m not ignoring that they can fuck, can’t believe I have to specify this).

“Okay, but it's really frustrating because people insist on making everything sexual and then accusing you of stereotyping by saying shit like "well ace characters can have sex you're just upholding stereotypes" like we KNOW that, but if everything about them is sexualized then you're just removing their identities, it's fine if an ace character has sexual relations but if every single character is put into this situation where the "solution" to them being ace is just making them "suck it up" and endure intercourse that they don't want, that's just bullshit.” —Eli

I don’t demand that a fandom space of an ace character be squeaky fucking clean because A) I wasn’t saying that whatsoever to begin with, B) is an asinine thought besides—and also smells like some sorta scarecrow argument.

Y’all just love extrapolating outta your asses, huh.

Demanding I shut up because sOmE pEoPlE lIkE sEx has a certain sort of smell to it… oh, a sliver gatekeepy.

You wanna ignore what I say to have your confirmation bias? Block me and get the fuck off my post.

Again, I refuse to argue, but my autistic lil heart WILL correct.

Asexuals are fucking valid.

Also, for the record, yes, I could and would have “disingaged” but other aces will see! Younger aces! I’m speaking up for them and my own damn community. And other Queers should be fucking allies to their own people.

Maybe this is ridiculous notion or ‘gatekeeping’… but why can’t ace characters just, like, be ace? Like canonically ace characters (screaming between-the-lines info counts).

Why can’t they just exist in fannon as ace characters.

I get whole “heuheu I like this pairing and want them to fuck,” but how about we handle the whole ace spec part, yeah?

Ace characters deserve the same respect as het, homo and bi characters.

Plssssss let’s not diss their sexualities bc we wanna see them fuck someone

[vinkumakkara]

absolutely baffling why the lieutenants weren’t unlockable followers. sr1 legit needs a proper remake more than any other game in the series, definitely more than fucking srtt

[sickstarlight]

different causes of sickness

a friend had asked me for some advice on how I write differences between different types of sickness or reasons someone could get sick! so I typed up a reference of details I try to keep in mind in my writing. not by any means meant to be comprehensive but these are some of the more common things I see used or use myself!

eta: if you found this interesting or useful consider tipping me on kofi (/jallyns) or getting a $5 commission so I can fix my computer

drinking related:

drank too much: everyone’s threshold for this is going to be different obvs both in terms of how much alcohol they need and how wasted they’re able/willing to be before getting sick. also ime you have to be QUITE drunk for being drunk alone to make you sick, to the point where it may be dangerous, so personally I like this combined with something else - motion, something not sitting right in their stomach, etc - but it can be good otherwise too. probably the first thing the character will notice or be aware of if they have any warning is that being drunk stops feeling good at this point. they might feel flushed and/or clammy and will probably feel dizzy, their mouth might feel really dry depending on what they’ve been drinking. this is probably also the point where they recognize they have limited control of their body, feet might feel too heavy to move or head might be spinning, may feel very clumsy and suddenly become AWARE of it.

they might FEEL motion sick even if they’re not moving too because their motion sense is fucked at this point. might feel heavy but this is likely to be a whole body heaviness NOT just their stomach (though they might be very aware of it); might or might not be able to place the feeling of nausea. maybe burping but it depends on what they’ve been drinking (carbonated or not, mixed with soda, etc) and what else they ate! they MIGHT feel okay after throwing up but their friend probably shouldn’t let them drink anymore even if they do.

also this might come with very little warning, they may go from feeling fine and giggling with their friends to suddenly feeling Wrong to hurling all over the floor in a matter of minutes or even a few seconds. if they have friends with them who have been with them drunk regularly, depending on who’s more sober their friends might notice they look unsteady and/or queasy before they realize they don’t feel well.

other good things here: alcohol that tastes so strong it’s all they can taste when they throw it back up, feeling dizzy but not placing it as nauseous right away, feeling like their head is too heavy to lift. reeling on their feet when a drink hits them too hard and feeling the whole room spin.

drank too quickly - more likely to come on SUPER suddenly, but they’ll probably recognize it right away (unless they’ve already been drinking) because the alcohol hasn’t had time to get to their brain yet. so with gradually drinking more than they should they will get drunk first and THEN get sick, but if they drink too much too fast right off the bat they’ll start to feel some effects probably but they’ll also know pretty quick that their drinks aren’t gonna stay down.

hung over - throwing up from a hangover is a combination of a buildup of alcohol byproducts in the stomach, and the stomach lining being irritated + producing more acid. a headache is also a significant part of the misery of a hangover but (unlike a migraine, where the pain directly leads to vomiting) isn’t necessarily related to any queasiness, so the headache might get worse with sound, light, or movement, but their stomach likely won’t. they might feel a little like they have heartburn (or actually GET some acid reflux) from acid buildup, and their stomach might be sore or feel too warm as well as being upset. 

the only real cure for a hangover is slow sips of clear fluids and bland foods to help settle the stomach and reduce the acid, but lots of people swear by other things - certain kinds of foods, drinking more alcohol, etc, so that’s something you can have fun with! depending on how much alcohol is still in their bloodstream, they might also still feel a little drunk/tipsy and have some issues with their balance, thinking clearly, etc, which could make the nausea worse; also some people might always get sick from hangovers but others might not so consider how your character deals with that! They also might wake up sick, or feel sick right away, or might not feel sick at all until trying to get some fluids or take meds for their headache (especially since ibuprofen/aspirin also irritate the stomach lining).

food related:

ate too much -  character will likely feel bloated and tight, food might feel heavy in their stomach. depending on what they’re stuffed with there might be burping esp if there’s a lot of gas in their stomach, or a lot of gagging and unproductive dry heaving if it’s very heavy/solid. might need to drink something to get anything up, or have help from someone, or might just take a while to finally puke as their overstuffed stomach struggles to break down their meal enough that their stretched out muscles can get anything moving. any firm pressure on the stomach is gonna feel worse and likely to make them gag even if they’re not ready to throw up yet. maybe weak strained tummy noises as they try to digest. (side note if a lot of their stomach contents are liquid like soup, drinks, etc they’ll throw that up a lot faster; also a good excuse to discuss sloshing/jostling/swirling around in their tummy)

ate too quickly - ties in well to eating too much since it’s easy eating in a hurry to not realize you’re full until it’s already a little late - eating or drinking anything too fast can also make some people’s stomachs hurt or get upset in general, and is an easy way to end up swallowing a lot of air which can obviously lead to feeling much more full and tight with lots of burping that could easily bring up more!

ate something bad - this could be rotten, poorly prepared, or just something that upsets their stomach but what it is might change the feeling of it so there’s definitely variety here. probably also feels heavy but more localized, like they can feel the specific food they ate and where it’s settled in their stomach. might also be painful and cause cramping and tenderness. imo nausea from this is more likely to come in waves and recede but might also be more readily recognizable as nausea. some things I like in this scenario - character thinking about what they ate and feeling worse, imagining they can feel individual parts of their food in their stomach, burping and tasting what they ate (possibly noticing the taste having gone sour / etc in their stomach). good place to describe stuff like how greasy smt was/feeling the grease coating their stomach, or otherwise talk about the specific way the food feels in their tummy and how much it makes them want to puke. unlike with eating too much, they’re likely not to feel better until ALL of the offending food is out of their stomach (while with overeating, they may throw up a few times and then start to feel better once there’s less pressure on their stomach).

general notes - if something the character ate is what’s making them feel sick, a lot of focus on hyperawareness of how much food is in their stomach/how heavy it feels are gonna be big sensory things (as well as maybe taste, pressure/tightness, stomach contents moving around)

illness

appendicitis - if you’re looking for something more serious than food poisoning or a stomach bug, this is sure to end up with a character in the hospital as they’ll need surgery! the big distinguishing thing is pain, which will be sharp and located on the lower right side of the abdomen (or may start near the navel and move down). any kind of exertion or sudden muscle movement can make the pain worse. if the character or one of their caretakers is knowledgeable and suspects appendicitis, they might do the rebound test, which causes pain to get drastically worse AFTER placing pressure on the area and releasing it. sickness usually begins after the pain starts and may get worse when something exacerbates the pain as well.

in addition to nausea and vomiting, other symptoms can include fever, bloating, and bowel issues (either diarrhea or constipation), which will usually get worse over the course of the infection. if the character is treated soon enough (within 2-3 days) they’ll usually feel better after surgery and recover relatively quickly, but if they’re not seen by a doctor and the appendix ruptures they’ll likely need more extensive treatment including antibiotics and a longer hospital stay to make sure they won’t develop sepsis. (in some cases, symptoms could seem to suddenly go away when the appendix ruptures because it releases pressure, but worse symptoms would rapidly develop!)

rarely, there’s also such thing as chronic appendicitis, where milder symptoms may appear and recede over the course of weeks or months before developing into acute appendicitis and prompting surgery.

coughs, colds, strep, etc - can all cause vomiting as secondary symptoms thanks to postnasal drip, throat irritation, or forceful coughing. serious enough throat irritation or buildup of mucus can make a character gag, or feel the need to, and so can coughing up phlegm from their chest. if they’re sniffly and have their sinuses draining down the back of their throat, they may end up swallowing a lot of mucus too which can make them feel nauseous as their stomach gets full of sticky snot. I think these work best as emeto scenarios for characters with weak gag reflexes!

food poisoning - separate from eating something bad because food poisoning from a virus or bacteria is a longer lasting illness with a later onset; the character may first get sick within a few hours of eating the contaminated food, or it may incubate and make them sick within a day or two. like stomach flu (also frequently foodborne) many types can cause both vomiting and diarrhea, but symptoms vary depending on specific cause. characters also might puke early on and then develop more symptoms and become sicker later as bacteria multiply and produce toxins, and may take several days to recover from the later onset where they could have persistent nausea, or might feel okay and even regain their appetite if they don’t try to eat  but be unable to keep much or any food down. most types of food poisoning also cause pain, swelling, bloating, and cramping, usually in the lower part of the stomach and upper intestines, so those are other symptoms your character might have to deal with in addition to puking!

stomach flu - character may be feverish or achy as well as nauseous while their body fights the infection, which is an additional great source of hurt/comfort fuel! can cause both vomiting and diarrhea, so even food they manage to keep down might still sting them later. because it directly causes irritation and inflammation in the stomach and lower GI tract, character might throw up frequently or after every meal, or might be able to handle clear fluids but no solids, or some bland foods but nothing with significant sugar, spices, or fat. they also might only be able to drink or eat in very small amounts without bringing it back up. their stomach may hurt and feel like it’s cramping even if they haven’t tried to eat, and they may get only very brief relief of nausea after each time they’re sick because it reduces the immediate pressure on the stomach but not the inflammation; they might feel nauseous constantly or end up dry heaving even when there’s nothing in their stomach, and might need to keep a basin of some kind nearby for a couple of days since they can’t be sure if they’re done. dehydration is a common complication and can cause headaches, weakness, and dizziness in addition to other symptoms! the most common stomach virus, norovirus, is also EXTREMELY contagious, and virus particles can aerosolize and scatter widely during vomiting, so the caretaker may not be safe either.

injury, other medical

anaesthesia - people react to this in all kinds of ways but getting sick is really common so it can be combined with just about any reaction. character might be disoriented or dizzy and have trouble with balance, walking, other coordinated movement. some might be really confused and have trouble communicating their ideas clearly or say things that might not make any sense to other characters. from the anaesthetized character’s perspective though they’re  probably making total sense so it can also be fun to include their muddled thought process and what they’re feeling or thinking that they express in weird ways! other characters might feel pretty clearheaded and be able to communicate clearly though. they might feel “light” or like they're floating, or very  detached from their body; this may cause more dizziness and vertigo. they may also be cold they might feel nauseous right away and persistently from the anaesthetic irritating their stomach, or might only get sick from moving that makes the “floating” feeling worse. general anaesthetic is usually used for surgery so if they aren’t immediately nauseous the character can also wake up really hungry from fasting before, so eating too much or too quickly might also make them realize they’re nauseous and end up with them puking.

concussion - there are a lot of reasons someone might get sick from a concussion, but the most common (non threatening) are vertigo / vestibular disturbance and headaches! the character might  get nauseous or throw up when they turn too quickly or stand up too fast if their balance center is disrupted, or might have head pain similar to a migraine that makes them sick and can have similar sensitivities. mild concussions without other complications can still last up to a week after the injury, but the character should get sick less and less often as time goes on, so the most intense phase for sickness caused by a concussion is shortly after it happens! Frequently repeated or prolonged bouts of vomiting are often signs of more serious injury though, so if you’re keeping it mild they should probably be brief and a little spaced out even early on, though a character might have intermittent nausea between them. other symptoms of concussion are important too here - big ones are short term amnesia, loss of coordination, difficulty concentrating, and confusion. they might also hear ringing in their ears or sometimes have visual disturbances like in migraines! 

migraine - the pain from migraines can directly cause vomiting, especially when it’s at its peak, but it might also be caused by aura effects on balance and vision! (some people get tunnel vision or “kaleidoscope” vision with migraines, some just get dizzy, some people even hallucinate strong smells or tastes which could also lead to nausea!) for some people, the headache gets better after throwing up, but not everyone; they also might or might not feel the buildup of nausea or persistent nausea throughout their migraine, or alternately might retch or throw up almost IMMEDIATELY when any trigger makes their pain worse (common triggers are bright or flashing light, loud or high pitched sounds, strong smells, and sudden movement, but people have lots of different triggers so they can be a lot of things!) many people can’t chase off a migraine until after they’ve slept so you might also include them trying to get comfortable only to have their head start hurting worse or their stomach get upset and make them scramble to get over the trash bin.

motion sickness - anyone can get motion sick but some people are more prone to it than others! so you might have characters who always get motion sick in any moving vehicle, or who are okay in cars but can’t travel on water, or who only get sick with intense movement like on roller coasters - or characters who aren’t prone to motion sickness in general, but discover they get it when fatigued, anxious, etc. different characters might also experience it differently - for some there may be a cycle of gradual buildup of nausea until it becomes unbearable and they throw up, while for others it might come on suddenly, or they might have low level nausea throughout a trip but only puke when there’s a more sudden or violent movement. some people also only get motion sick after a period of time, and might be fine on short trips but get sick if they’re traveling longer.

other notes: many people who get carsick don’t get sick if they’re driving! being able to get fresh air also helps many people, as well as focusing on the horizon if possible. some people prone to motion sickness will also experience the opposite when sitting still but watching movement onscreen like in a video game. likewise, reading or looking at a still object for long while moving can trigger motion sickness, even in people who are less prone to it otherwise.

[erratic-brainrot]

7, 13, & 18 for the sp asks!

7) Question: Favourite Adult and why?

Answer:

This is tricky since I actually adore a good handful of the adults. Some for canonical reasons, but the majority slipping into headcanons that I do believe fit but are purely for myself.

I would say that Thomas Tucker is definitely my favourite male parent, as he is a genuinely kind husband, trying father, and willing to be empathetic towards his son and review his own very personalized beliefs to accept his kid. He kinda makes me think of my own father for all the good reasons. And honestly? He’s the least toxic and sexists of the male figures (which I know is mostly for writing concepts and stuff. Haha jokes) but I still appreciate it a lot for him.

The worst he’s done in actual character moments of not being super responsive to Craig being in a fight (which I don’t think was that bad. He seems like indifferent with relatability. Like he’s just like “ah okay cool son. Beat his ass up”, and possibly being on a porn or whatever site during the troll arch like the majority of the male adults. And I believe he might’ve been semi homophobic in the boys Gay al camp ep but I honestly can’t remember atm. But compared to the average adult in South Park? Mother fucker is a king.

Not to mention his good moments. Being highly supportive of his wife during the bush ep— never shaming her once, the whole arch for tweek x Craig because OOOF HE HIT ME IN THE FEELINGS, and I love his little bottle ship shit- very cute. Like he’s not even on a lot but every time I see him I’m just like, “What a king”, esp since I’ve falling in deep love with the HC of all the Tuckers being ASD.

I simply just think he’s an amazing father. And it makes me sad (though I completely understand, different perspectives and creative liberties) when people make him abusive— since I’m like, “He’s literally one of the better Dads of South Park,” esp when I play into all my headcanons. Pov Thomas Tucker accidentally becomes adoptive father to some mentally ill blond kids (if you wish to know feel free to message me, I could go on)

Next, I would say my favourite female adult is easily Sheila. She’s is simply a try hard Mom to me who shows actual care about her kids. I genuinely love seeing her! Canonically? She’s very funny, has an amazing singing/speaking voice, is often shown as really supportive and has very “cute mommy moments” with her kids, she’s very hyper emotional and has such passion for people, she’s not depicted as remotely catty, she doesn’t care violently about blood ties (Ike is her baby above most), milf, she is written repeatedly to be insecure, and like Kyle— she can get carried away but genuinely has strong morals rooted in compassion (even if at times she’s misguided). Due to her having more screen time it’s a bit harder to write in depth about Sheila without going on for days and dividing headcanon spaces. I just love her a lot and Kyle is shown to genuinely not fear her, like a lot of kids with their parents in show for, and just appreciate her a lot.

(Honourable mentions? Carol Mccormick. Based on headcanons implied from the show about her being a caring Mom with loads of trauma- but believing unlike certain other parents/mothers she is doing it as a survivalist- and I genuinely have fallen in love with Carol Mccormick because of headcanons someone please help me/hj)

13) Favourite Ship? Tell us why?

Answer:

Ughhh I have so many it’s hard. I think my all time favourites since the very beginning have been Stendyle and Bunny (also Shelly x Kevin but they’re special ✨✨✨)

So, STENDYLE, one of my main bitches because I’m so desperate for poly ships. Basically, I adore this ship because—

A) I love all the characters in it

B) I adore the ships divided from the poly, kyendy, style, stendy. All good ships with kyendy actually being my favourite of the bunch. But I find that them being poly enhances a lot of features.

C) the ship simply has so many vibes of healthy communication, sporty geeks, playful banter, balancing acts of Stan having to bring Wendy and Kyle back to earth at times— followed by Wendy and Stan needing to explain things to Stan to bring him back to a level sense too, they are all very insecure when to “how they’re viewed” personality speaking, all of them have different issues in regards to their sense of “ego” but because it’s related to the “ego” there is relatability, group cuddling, a complete removal of the Stan arch in stories of “pick, Wendy or Kyle!” That I think is kinda lame even if I get. Poly is simply superior in my head lol.

Next, Bunny, this ship is a lot more specific in a way because it’s rooted in basic concepts of what I adore.

A) inherent hurt and comfort

B) both are insanely emotional artistic people, who tend to be “used” (aka not respected as people and often there to fill in a service of some kind) by others, and both having easy senses of humour

C) again, i adore both characters on their own.

Bunny is more to this than that, but at the end of the day those are the main two reasons why I like this ship. It’s not hyper complicated if I want to find the root.

18) describe an episode you’d like to see.

Answer:

This is a bit harder because I know what episodes I would like to see, but are unrealistic in any capacity for the show to do because it’s not focus on bigger ideas and concepts. Like no matter how much I want, I’m not getting an episode of Kenny expressing how used he feels by his friends, nor an episode about Shelly’s impact of obviously not being the fav kid and her literally canonical trauma related to boys she’s dated. And Ngl honestly, for a canonical episode of South Park, I don’t want that. Well, at least in the way I would write that or that being the inherent focus.

South Park, at the end of the day is suppose to be a comedic culturally Introspective show. It talks about pop cultural and the American social climate. So me just wanting character episodes, though possible— shouldn’t just be the focus. It’s not how South Park should work, that’s a fandoms job haha.

So, if I had to pick an episode. I would honestly adore an episode talking avoid the developing online culture— through it might be difficult because honest to god it’s always changing and a lot of the creators are insanely older and the platforms aren’t really for them.

However, I remember like five years ago me and my friend just randomly making an episode concept off the top of our head about like dumb shit like E-boys, soft boy, etc as an A Plot of online conformity for the sake of likes— and likely kyle having to question this. It’s not a new concept since people change themselves for fame all the time— but it does bring questions in how easy it is to be distorted. How fast opinions change based on popular concepts despite grounding, and the removal of genuine vs performative.

With our B plot actually being a minor creek arch, talking about the fetishiation once again on gay people. The demand to see and not respecting concepts of privacy. I can’t remember it super well but I know I liked it since it was stressed on how people use this Sortve shit for brownie points despite how dehumanizing it actually is. And even reference how little sites care about actual damages snd willing to promote literal hate speech than fix problems.

The concept was over all very fruity and kinda niche, so idk if it would work esp as an old concept. But I like those Sortve ideas.

I think it would be really interesting for them to talk about the online space now in similar ways, focus on the impact it has to the general. Fake activism, radicalization, more misinformation- stuff they have semi talked about before but aim more for the specific— esp in a post covid world. Shit is so insane.

So yeah. Sorry if this was poorly explained but I hoped you liked it anyways!

[gdsplay]

I went on a KPop deep dive a month ago and ended up liking Big Bang & having a huge crush on Kang Daesung ♥️. I'm actually the same age as him and I totally missed out on this group for 14 yrs. Out of every group (1st gen to current) BB is just so different and the range they can deliver is unparalleled that I hesitate to call them an idol group.

In that short span of time, not even knowing what burning sun is about, Seungri just rubs me off the wrong way. There is no problem with ambition & tenacity but his is coupled with greed and even desperation. I looked back on their videos and he just seems to have this huge inferiority complex and wants to be seen ALL the time. He hogs the camera. In Go Show when Youngbae was dancing, he was too when it isn't his turn. In Strong Heart, he was imitating TOP when he didn't have to. In Family Outing he made them choose between him & Daesung. He's jealous of GD, but he'd always been jealous of Daesung also bec of his celebrity connections (which Dae doesn't ever exploit). Maybe that's why there is always noticeable distance between them. He's always the one saying "Nyongtory" which I didn't buy into; it struck me as always been for show only. It doesn't feel the same way as ToDae, there had been affection there right from the beginning.

It also struck me how the members treat him & Dae when they are both the maknae line. The rest have always been affectionate with Dae, constantly praising him. They play up his strengths (knowing Dae has his insecurities too & he had struggled so much esp in 2011 that he's never been the same despite his current playfulness). Even GD joked he wants to be Dae in one of those MADE series interviews. Their messages to him are always thankful (even 2 "I love you's" from TOP 😊). But with Seungri, they seem to always have their guard up when he opens his mouth. I like how Taeyang publicly showed his disdain for S in the GD & friends show.

Even w/o the scandal they'd eventually be a group of 4. Going back to old shows, I think this solidified in Go Show. In Weekly Idol, GD said that there's 1 they could do w/o. Same in Infinite Challenge. In Radio Star, they've repeatedly warned him about his acquaintances. They've readied themselves for this possibility long ago. They already saw the writing on the wall even if they don't know the extent of how badly he'd f*** it up.

But it's also good that it's Seungri who is out; I'm sure they could bounce back w/o him. They still have 2 of the vocal powerhouses who could very easily take his parts. His sound is not distinct anyway.

If it is any of the remaining 4, I doubt if they'd come back as a group, subunits maybe? (I even think that if Dae quits, then TOP won't come back even if GD & Tae wants to. This opinion is not being a ToDae fan as I'm not a shipper, I just like their friendship). I'm happy with the 4; with them there's balance: 2 singers, 2 rappers, GDYB & Todae as BFFs.

Even if they don't want to come back in SoKor, there's always Japan & China. I think they'd do well internationally, esp in Southeast Asia (there's too many of us waiting for their return). And if there's one group who could rise from this level of adversity, it's Big Bang. Go OT4! 🎉

One, I’m glad that you didn’t let Seungri turn you away from the whole group. One bad apple shouldn’t spoil the rest!

Two, I felt the same way to be quite honest. I didn’t dislike Seungri, I liked him in some aspects but he didn’t really click with me like the others. His overly cocky, obnoxious yet attention seeking personality turned me off. Wasn’t interested half of the time. His constant loud mouth always interrupting the others to squeeze himself into the picture when the spotlight wasn’t on him every minute got annoying to watch.

I’ve always noticed to a different behavior the members had with Seungri. As you’re right they expressed so much affection and love towards Daesung without it being forced and fan-serviced. Nyongtory was so noticeably forceful while the chemistry between the other four was always out of realism and not planned. I remember somewhere reading that GD said in their Made movie that he sometimes didn’t feel comfortable with what Seungri had planned on stage of their little scripted, Fan-serviced skin ship drabbles. Seungri was the one who thought of all of the ideas and pursued GD into the act. Why? Well it’s obvious, right in front of you. GD is the most popular member and if Seungri continues to do Nyongtory fs services he gets attention from GD and fans. The one and only few things he thrived off of. Seungri was always aware he was the least mentioned member. While the other members never needed forceful fan service their affection was always natural.

Their messages were always more warning and said in a scolded manner for Seungri, like each time was a lesson they needed to comprehend into his pea sized brain. I’m aware that their screen time together many of these red flags flew over our heads, we didn’t worry or take it into consideration like we have now. It was right in the open for all of us to catch on sometime..

I continue to say this is why the members weren’t shocked or surprised with the news. The kind of crime and involvement? Absolutely, they most likely didn’t assume he’d screw up so horribly the whole country would hate his guts and shun away but enough to have him leave and get the boot out of the group. It’s seems they’ve always taken into consideration he’d leave on his own sometime.

For the sake of BigBang they seem like they’ll do just fine continuing on without him. They’ve made it this far, I’d be pretty surprising if they didn’t. I’m not sure if you are aware or this but the four members renewed their contracts with their company Yge last March. That April of 2020 they were schedule for a big music festival Coachella. The pandemic ruined that moment. They’ll be back soon enough. GD , TOP and Taeyang have given hints. No one else will be leaving. The charts, fandom, South Korea and more are missing their existence.

Lastly, If a newer vip like you can sense and see the discomfort and untrustworthy vibes from him than so can many other fans; new or old just by going back and noticing behaviors and phrases from old variety or concerts.

[jlf23tumble]

Hey Jen. I think you’re superb like in a (not to quote anyone but) you can sit and kind of admire what you’re like kind of way. So thanks for being awesome and enjoyable to this internet stranger. In unrelated matter, do you have any angst filled fics? I mostly read HL but I’ll dive into whatever as long as the pain is there. (If I can give a preference, I’m not so much into magic, fantasy, wolves, and sorts.) In these unprecedented times, I think I’d still need a happy ending though after the characters suffer terribly lol. If you find time to put something together for little old moi, I’d appreciate it very much. Thanks! Keep on keeping on! You’re wonderful!

<bryan_cranston_me_question_mark.gif> !!!!!!!!!! This is so incredibly kind, I think you’re pretty wonderful, too! I feel like I’m probably going to let you down here, though, because I generally don’t go too hard for angst (for one, it usually translates into longer fics, for two, some areas of true angst are just things I don’t really want to read for pleasure, like messy cheating aftermaths, abuse, character death, etc., and for three, I get lost in the sauce if I try too hard to dissect if something actually IS major angst versus, say, intense pining), but I’ll do my best! I’m going to give my dirty dozen here--my top 12 for hl--then I’ll dive deeper under the cut, with authors I love who write so much angst it’s tough to pick just one, plus other fandoms, too, in case you want to dive deeper.

Fertile Ground, Blake, 4.4k. Okay, in truth, so much of what Blake writes has gorgeous lashings of angst, so definitely read all of their fic (every fandom), but this one?? HOLY MOLY, it deserves to be separated and celebrated, Harry’s angst about fertility, howwwwww is this 4.4k, I ask, constantly?

sensitive to pressure, momentofclarity/ @gaycousinlarry, 4.4k. Hockey players and pubes and scent kinks, and yet there’s still this current of angst that thrums underneath, man oh man, would I read everything in this universe.

Everything You Do, jishler/ @jishlerfics, 6.6k. The third part of a stunning series, this one focusing on Harry’s gender identity and the Dunkirk haircut, and if you saw those recent gifsets with him wearing the beanie during training, yeah, this fic is alllll about it

i’m a captain on a jealous sea, devilinmybrain/ @thedevilinmybrain, 15k. A lot of jealousy on Louis’s part about all things Gryles, both real and imagined, I’m loving the vibes this author brings to it all.

taking tips and getting stoned, alison, 24k. I don’t think I can sum this one up quickly, but taxi driver Louis comes across singer Harry, and a lot of things change after that? God, that’s bad, but this fic is not!

hard to confess, @hereforlou, 24k. I adore Maggie’s writing so much, and she’s another one where I could rec at least three more here, but the one where Harry hides that he’s pregnant until the very last second? It’ll forever be the scorpio of mpreg fics, and I say that with the highest praise.

Maybe I Miss You series, 13ways, 28k. THIS SERIES, ooooooooffffff, the angstometer is off the chart, and then the last installment? Harry in makeup? This after all the sexting and boxing and hate sex and finally they figure their shit out? All of it is so good, and I’m eternally sad the author moved on (but jesus, I get it).

hush., Wankerville, 41k. Easily in my top five fics of any fandom, the softness and the cruelty, the growth and the real-life feels, an American high school AU that is still stunning and must have blown doors off back in that particular day (I’d also rec this author’s other work, esp. for angst).

every universe but ours, 28finelines, 49k. Okay, so this one has a little bit of magic that might annoy you, but it’s mostly in a multiverse way, like you’re reading a ton of AUs, but the theme itself has an angsty core, fwiw!

Truly, Madly, Deeply (10 Things I Hate about You), sunsetmog, 54k. I know I talk a LOT about this author’s ongoing wip, Harry Styles Cooks... (which is phenomenal, please do yourself a favor if you haven’t already), but this one? Angst ahoy, Harry auditions for XFUK without telling his boyfriend/friends, becomes a success, then comes home.

Time Passed, coffinofachimera/ @belialsmiracles, 66k. For every fic rec list I make, I always have at least one fic where I say, if you read nothing else, read this one, AND THIS IS IT, all categories, it’s simply astounding, life-changing, world-ending, and it kills me that more people haven’t left comments, but if it keeps shitty comments away, I’m all for it, I’ll protect this author/fic with my life. I can’t even begin to describe it, but if you want to know what the songs Fine Line or She are about, here you go! AIMH, Tokyo Harry!

The World Turned Upside Down, dogslpdi/ @dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram, 71k. I’m really iffy on historical fics, but this fic! This fic nails it! The detail and the emotion, the way you can feel the effects of the strike in so many ways, but also how HIV/AIDS is not that far off on the horizon, it’s just so well done. Plus, I adore Ralph’s humor and the way she tagged this both “minor angst” and “miner angst,” and if I can’t end an angst rec on a light note, what more can I do?

Let’s start with things beyond hl...lately, I’ve been reading a LOT of Untamed fic, and I feel like I should just point you to Liv’s masterlists because they are angst city (and fun city, too), plus she’s done a really good job of labeling them accordingly (right now, my fave angst is from chunk no. 2, Fire in the Blood, which is a case fic, but oof, I can’t wait to read even more in these parts).

I’m also just now getting into Merlin and reading a lot in that fandom, but it’s a bit scattershot at this stage (I haven’t finished the show yet, and I’m still working my way through one author who wrote 100+ fics, all of which are incredible; if you’re curious for something recent from over there, Phoenix wrote a short, angsty one that’s good and ouchy, this tangled thicket).

Speaking of Phoenix, EVERYTHING she has written for Cars (Lightning/Doc) is incredibly angsty, usually with that happy ending finale--I’d rec my current fave, but it’s a wip, so no happy ending yet, wahhh. Check out this link to the rest of them, though, I rec ‘em all!

I still have to watch the source material, but everything anyone’s sent me from Cobra Kai is INCREDIBLY angsty and so, so good, so I’m gonna bet there’s a fair bit of fix-it fic in my future, but we shall see! 

Now onto the hl angst, ideally things you haven’t already read a million times before. Like I said earlier, this one’s kind of tough because I’m not into intense angst (major character/close family member death, messy cheating aftermath--though @kingsofeverything’s Devil and the Deep Blue Sea is fantastic, if you’re into that [messy cheating aftermath, not death]; actually, a lot of Lauren’s longer fics have a dose of angst, so dive away!)

Speaking of authors who regularly deliver angst, I have quite a few that I would say just go check out their works because almost every single thing they’ve done has it in varying degrees, you won’t be disappointed! These authors primarily write the hl pairing, and I definitely rec ‘em all: HappyPrincess, got2ghost, mediaville, and sedfierisentio. Authors I love who write Harry/other characters and do it in a hella angsty way include vondrostes, sulkingroom, radiodurans, and wishforwishes (I swear, I still think about call me anything you like at least once a month).

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 4 (thoughts + spoilers)

idk even know how to even start this bc i feel like i’m just a big ball of emotions, and this ep was wild. so much happened. last ep was so wonderful and almost languid with how everything played out (esp since it focussed much more specifically on the shift in teh/oh-aew’s relationship). this ep had a bit more of everything, not just the two of them in their bubble anymore. societal forces at play, and hence much more angst. again, this isn’t a  proper analysis, it’s just me ranting and raving as usual as i semi-rewatch this again. this is very long, and there are a lot more things i want to think about in more detail at some point bc i’m mostly just skating over a lot of what happened but i gotta get these thoughts in my head out of me somehow. and i’m not sure if what i’m typing will even make sense bc i MYSELF can barely make sense of what i’m feeling but here i go anyway.

so we start off with the both of them kind of awkward after the night before which is fair enough considering what happened. actually when oh-aew’s habit started playing up again, i thought teh wasn’t going to scratch his back bc he was trying not to ~go there again after the night before, but he did and i was pleasantly surprised like oh...maybe things aren’t that bad?? (YET). also, i can imagine that it would have been reassuring for oh-aew too. like things have changed, but it’s not like teh has completely abandoned him. the touch itself is comforting, like when they were kids.

teh’s mum talking about how she wants both of her sons to bring their girlfriends around (and hounding him about bringing tarn around again) is giving me war flashbacks to my own asian relatives and i can feel the way that must crawl under his skin. I HATE when family members do that (and they always do). but for teh it must be esp hard bc he’s already constantly feeling like he’s vying for his mum’s attention over his brother, and now hoon’s bought back a girlfriend so it’s yet ANOTHER thing he feels like he has to compete with his brother over. in the back of his mind, he knows that he can’t give his mum what she wants if he’s with oh-aew (he can’t ‘win’ over hoon bc heteronormativity). teh is def prone to jealousy fairly easily, but i always feel like his emotions on that base level are also very easy to understand. i’ve been in positions like that before where i’ve felt like i’ve constantly been compared to someone else, and it makes you feel like shit. but also oh-aew having to sit through teh’s mum telling him to let her know if teh and tarn are dating?? ouch.

cue teh trying to avoid what’s going on with them and oh-aew being sad :((( they’re both in so much pain and i feel it and thank god i am no longer a teenager that’s all i can say about this.

the guitar in skyline instrumental is just...making me feel some kind of way. they have so many versions of this song and they always use the right version at the right time how is that.

so the tarn scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first thought: holy shit she looks so cute i love her crop top where did she get it i want one. second thought: but why did they make her wear a dark bra under such a light top?? i love that i was thinking this and then it all unravelled in front of me and like...the brilliance. the contrast between the scene in ep 2 (i think?) where teh accidentally peeks at her bra through the buttons of her shirt and gets noticeably flustered, and then this one where she literally wears the same bra under a light shirt ON PURPOSE to get his attention, but he doesn’t even notice?? the way she expects him to colour the hibiscus purple, but he colours it red for oh-aew instead?? it’s so incredibly telling of where his heart is at, and how his feelings have changed. anyway, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s just not all there with her anymore, and tarn isn’t stupid...she’s been picking up on the signals since the beginning (why was he so weirdly obsessed with beating oh-aew at the start? why was he willing to wake up at 4am for oh-aew but not for her? willing to tutor the rest of his friends but not spend time with her?). the way she sees him colouring the hibiscus red and it’s her wake up call, like wtf am i DOING bc of this guy????? i love how she acknowledges that her feelings for teh have made it so she’s solely focussed on him and that she hates the things it makes her do (like wearing the bra to gain his attention). ngl i was slightly worried with how they were going to use her character during these later eps with teh being so conflicted (since girlfriends in BLs are usually handled pretty poorly), but i appreciate that she’s still as fleshed out and full of feeling as she ever was. she’s so sweet, and i just wish she had better than this, but i’m glad she called teh out on it. i know he’s confused af rn, and tbh i don’t think he’s handled this as badly (atm at least) as i thought it could have gone, but at the same time, if he doesn’t decide and set his heart on what he really wants, he’s just going to end up hurting them all. LOVE that she basically tells him to get his shit together first before coming back to her. i like her so much. and that scene of teh just walking around and around at the back feeling conflicted while she drew? really reminds me of the squiggly line timeline(?) of how ep 4 was going to go that nadao released before this ep went live. also cmbyn vibes were real in that one.

the devastation in oh-aew’s voice when he asks teh to at least reply his messages ;;; it’s like teh wants to go back to just being friends and oh-aew has kind of accepted that at this point, but at the same time, teh’s not backing that up. he says he wants to be friends, but he doesn’t know how to act ‘normal’ about it anymore, so he pushes oh-aew away instead. good on oh-aew for not taking that shit and standing up for himself too. i absolutely cannot stand seeing oh-aew sad bc pp’s sad face/voice is so good it actually pains me.

notice how teh ALWAYS uses studies/tutoring as an excuse to get closer to oh-aew again...hmmm...does oh-aew see it for what that is now too? that “you’ve never understood me” hit me like a fucking train. to think that they were so attuned to one another last ep, but now teh’s too caught up in he’s own world to realise just how much he’s hurting oh-aew. thanks, i hate it.

i know that he’s needs to figure himself out more and i absolutely stand by the fact that he needs to do that without messing around with either oh-aew or tarn (and also that he’s using studies again to get into oh-aew’s good books instead of talking through feelings and all that), but the chinese idiom book that he made for oh-aew was actually SO CUTE and romantic. all this stuff he does for oh-aew to show that he clearly cares so much, yet he can never accept it enough to get the words out...

I SWEAR THEY PLAY THE INSTRUMENTAL SKYLINE JUST TO CHOKE ME UP. the darting around each other after the neck kiss COUPLED with the skyline instrumental?? it’s like a sad beach scene 2.0. teh making the first (intimate) move this time. every time he’s trying so hard to convince himself he’s not in love with this boy, and every time he keeps coming back. i always feel such a weird mix of happy and sad when i see them together bc i love them but i know teh in particular, is just not ready yet. like the hug scene made my heart leap, BUT they did it in hiding (under the staircase). all their big intimate scenes are in hiding and that just :(((

teh saying that he loves the seawater on his back bc it holds him up, and oh-aew saying but you have to hold your breath in that posture and it gets uncomfortable so he likes letting it go and just sinking sometimes instead (obv paraphrasing but you get the drift)?? THE WRITING IN THIS. it says so much without telling the audience directly...so poetic. everything about this show is so poetic. the way they sink into the ocean and into that space of oh-aew’s where you can just let yourself go without holding back, and then and only THEN does teh finally kiss oh-aew. and it’s beautiful, after holding back for so long, but it’s also painful bc he’s let go but only within this tiny pocket of space and time. in hiding again. that bird’s eye view shot where you can’t see them at all sealed it for me. like you want to be happy, but you can’t really bc you know that they’ve still got so much more to go...like when teh’s hand grazes oh-aew’s chest and you see oh-aew realise again...like that’s partly what stopped teh the first time in ep 3. when his hands stopped at oh-aew’s chest like it hit in for him that he was a boy. anyway, love that they gave us a skam kiss but i’m also very sad. on another note, how the hell did they hold their breath for that long?????

love that they gave us a further 2 more seconds of teh/oh-aew being cute (CONSTANTLY thinking about teh’s fingers dancing across oh-aew’s face and smushing his face in his hands...oh-aew holding the back of teh’s head...just a brief moment of carefreeness) before they went for the jugular. watching teh fight against himself in this way is what hurts. oh-aew begging him to just let go and accept what they are (the way he keeps going “what did i do wrong?? you feel it too!!”) but he’s so tortured he can’t do it. it’s downright fucking heartbreaking. the “one day i’ll stop feeling this way”...could have just stabbed oh-aew and it would have hurt less. all i know is i’m hurting for the both of them. the repression is real, and it just sucks. this whole thing fucking sucks for both of them (and tarn and bas too at that). idk it just gets me that oh-aew is coming out of this having been rejected once again bc teh isn’t ready yet. and i know this but it doesn’t make me any less upset. not at any of them bc it’s hard i know it’s hard...just at the situation. sometimes it feels like teh’s taking a step forward but then he takes two more back instead. the look on teh’s face when oh-aew was like let’s stop being friends...total devastation. i’m done. don’t want to think about it anymore.

i’m glad that oh-aew’s parents are so supportive of him though. i wasn’t sure how close they were based on their previous interaction but they really love him and i’m glad he has that stability to help him through this.

THE SCENE WITH OH-AEW AND THE BRA FUCKING BLEW ME AWAY. this show is always keeping me guessing, and again yet another thing that i wasn’t expecting but it was so visceral. the red of the bra in comparison to tarn’s bra with the purple hibiscus flowers on it...everything connects. oh-aew looking into the mirror with that bra on and thinking about how things would have been different if only :((( and then his breakdown when he realises that it’s not and that’s the reality of the situation. the feeling that gave me sits so deep within my chest i can’t even begin to carve it out.

teh masturbating when he sees that picture of oh-aew and to that picture of yongjian on his wall (idk why it only now just occurred to me that yongjian is always in red too)?? the self-hatred in this scene. the internalised homophobia. my heart feels so heavy.

he KEEPS reaching and it’s going nowhere bc it won’t ever be enough, and that’s not fair on himself and it’s not fair on tarn. like i understand what he’s going through, and i get that he’s extremely confused and needs the clarification, but when he asks tarn to tell her she loves him and he can’t do the same back for her...i just feel so, so, so fucking bad for tarn.

oh-aew hoping that the worksheets left for him were from teh (which would be very on brand of him), but then seeing bas :( maybe in another world, in another life (like teh and tarn)...but he’s such a sweetheart. bas, best boy ;;;

legit as soon as the gang came to see teh off to bangkok and talk to him about how oh-aew was doing terribly (and wasn’t planning on going to the admission exams) i knew where this was going to go. there’s been so much foreshadowing leading up to this, and this was also one of (if not my main theory) with how things were going to eventually play out. but tbh for some reason i thought it was going to play out later in ep 5...but like damn. damn. the way i understand but at the same time i kept going OH TEH :( throughout this. the utter STRESS this bit put me through. THE MISCOMMUNICATION.

anyway, teh’s love language is clearly acts of service. but it can really be to his detriment when he does things impulsively (albeit with care and good intentions), but he doesn’t use his words so things get lost in translation. sometimes actions just aren’t enough and you really do need words to communicate.

the confirmation scene was so tense...even now i’m just sitting here thinking about it and there’s a hole in my stomach at the thought of what teh must be going through and what he ends up doing. like when that last person on the list shows up and you KNOW it’s going to happen but at the same time it’s like a punch to the chest bc there’s just no doubt that teh’s going to turn it down for oh-aew...OF COURSE he would. oh-aew’s split moment of happiness before realising what teh’s done...the absolute dread i still have in me at the realisation of this.

the tension really kept increasing from here on in...teh coming home and his mum just being so fucking proud of him and telling everyone in the restaurant about how happy she is for him (all while teh is absolutely depleted), then tarn coming in and everything bubbling over when she realises what teh’s done too. realises that teh’s in love with oh-aew (smile is so great in this btw like WOW). the “you hurt me and i’m alright with that, teh, but right now you’re hurting yourself” broke my heart. absolutely love tarn as a character and only ever want the best for her.

when he tells his mum :((((((((((( and his mum just goes on about how hard he’s worked and how much he’s already sacrificed only for him to throw that away. he wanted her to be proud of him SO BAD, wanted to not be compared to his brother for once, only for him to give away his place bc he loves oh-aew more than he wants his mother’s praise. more than he wants to compete and ‘win’ against his brother. when she points to hoon and goes “why can’t you be more like him?” and he just loses it. like rubbing salt in the wound. i’m so glad hoon finally hugged him the way i’ve been wanting to this whole time. the banner congratulating him that teh’s mum made with all his materials from before :((( hoon giving him money for uni :((( you ever watch some things and feel like you’ll never be happy again...

okay the way that everything spiralled during the ig story fight?????? what gets me is that teh sacrificed his place thinking that oh-aew wasn’t going to sit the exam at all (he could have just talked to him and convinced him instead but ughhh i understand i get it). oh-aew thinks he did it bc teh didn’t believe he could get in himself (which of course then spurs him to give it up so he can get in through the exam instead). and when teh sees that, it’s like a smack in the face, like he went through all that only for oh-aew to reject it (him). it’s just layers upon layers of miscommunication and the anxiety of it all absolutely guts me. and then the anger mixing into devastation when he opens his book and sees how it’s all cut up. the remnants a reminder of everything he’s done for oh-aew. this boy that he adores but can’t accept he has feelings for. it’s just this mix of anger and sorrow and what have i fucking done?????? and how could he????? the cast were all fantastic but billkin really had to go above and beyond in this one and i could absolutely feel his pain throughout this.

TO PIGGY BACK ON THIS, like i said before, teh has always used studying/tutoring as a tool to get closer to oh-aew, but seeing that book with all the words gone was in part also him realising he doesn’t have that anymore. he can’t use that tool to get close to oh-aew anymore. the only way forward would be to actually get close to oh-aew without the pretences. and the saddest part of this all is that oh-aew doesn’t even NEED all of that (the tutoring, the book of idioms, the relinquishing of his uni spot)...the only thing he wants is for teh to ADMIT his feelings out loud. to admit that he feels the same way about oh-aew that oh-aew feels about him.

it’s funny bc in the last ep, the conversation that had me feeling the most nervous was when they’re talking at the cape, and oh-aew’s telling teh that he’s a rival and inspiration to him. i always KNEW this was going to come back to haunt them. like a constant circle. friends to rivals to friends to more than friends(?) to rivals. it’s a fine line. narratively, it always had to happen, and now they’re back to competing against one another yet again, and it’s going to be so tough bc they’ll have so much more competition on top of that as well.

next ep is going to be very, very hard on teh, but somehow after this ep, i just feel a lot more hopeful about it? i’m pretty convinced at this point that it won’t end in tragedy (which was the thing that i wanted least of all). of course i want both teh and oh-aew to end up together, but i can understand if they don’t. if this ends with them rekindling their friendship again, that’ll be enough for me. their relationship has been so turbulent and passionate that it needs some stability, and hopefully when teh’s in a better state of mind, when he’s at a place when he’s finally accepted all parts of himself, they’ll get there. so if that means it ends on them running to the cape together (even if they’re not technically together) fulfilling their promise to one another in the sunset, then that’s fine with me. i don’t mind an open ending if it makes sense in the context of the story, and i think something like that would. it’s like after such an angsty episode, you need a slight reprieve from it. i have no doubt in my mind that ep 5 will contain darkness, but i do think that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. so for once i feel truly hopeful about it.

i can’t believe we only have one more ep left to go...

[detonizing]

headcanon.

50 headcanon challenge prompted by @bnharpchub​ bc so many people were doing it on dash and my restraint is only so strong 

coming up with 50 new headcanons was so difficult jfc AWOEINAWE i cheated a bit and some of them mention hcs I already wrote about before, but I did my best to focus on a different part of it to give it a new spin so it’s technically new....ish. awoieNAWEIAWNE

he learned how to cook because his parents were always busy and he wasn’t going to just expect them to cook for him when he could just do it himself ( he learned a whole LOT of things because he realized he could just do it himself )

he doesn’t usually keep things for sentiment reasons. there ARE a few exceptions, but for the most part if it’s important enough to remember he’ll just simply remember it 

he likes the view from up high. mountain climbing really made him aware of that, and it was a part of the reason why he wanted to learn how to fly ( that, and just the fact of it being practical, using his quirk to enhance movement ) 

sometimes puts on a clear coat of nail strengthening polish during weeks of particular harsh training. he would put on coloured polish too, but they often get ruined very quickly because of how much he uses his hands and so he doesn’t see the point to do it often 

his sweat isn’t actually toxic ( mostly bc I do NOT want to deal with all the problems having toxic sweat would cause, but there is more to it that I’ll write in depth of another day when I’m less lazy ) 

His volume is one of the few ways he feels like he can be heard. His mother is also a very loud person, and growing up he would be stuck in situations where if he doesn’t yell LOUDER, he won’t be heard. If he is WILLINGLY quiet around you, that is a sign of trust, a sign that he’s comfortable enough to not feel the need to be loud. 

he cannot stand his mouth being covered, nor does he take well to being told to keep quiet. He GETS that not many people appreciate his loudness. He KNOWS there is always time and place. But being loud is a defensive mechanism, and it being taken away against his will just messes with him a lot. 

speaking of, a large part of why he got the ‘i dont give a fuck about anyone else’ attitude is because no one would really care about him. It wasn’t just because he had a big head. He was acutely aware that people around him would praise him and rise him up, but never actually listen to him or cared what he wants. Why should he care about other people if no one gave a fuck about him? ( he knows better now )

he’s cautious about giving villains second chances. it’s not like he’s against giving villains a chance at redemption ( he knows he’d be a fucking hypocrite if he was ) but he also is realistic, and knows that some people are just shitheads and will refuse to change no matter what. knows that some people will take advantage of people with bleeding hearts ( cOUGHS like dEKU’s COUGHS ) and so he’s just. very wary and distrusting. he’ll give you a chance, but he’s going to watch you during it. 

if the ranking system of heroes gets abolished, it won’t really affect Katsuki’s goals. from the start when he says ‘number one hero’ what he cares most about is being number one by HIS standards. ofc he was planning to get ranked number one too, but if such a system falls apart, he’d just make sure he becomes the Best till no one can argue against it either way 

katsuki has always used his quirk often. he hates rules regulating quirk use because it’s so stupid to him. how the hell was he going to become number one if he didn’t know how to use his own damn quirk? ofc he still tried to abide by the law well enough, in public refraining for the most part ( but his middle school very obviously was super lacking in discipline so he just didn’t bother hiding his usage of quirk there )

his quirk acts up when he has high emotion — but MOST of the time, that is less him losing control and more of a conscious decision on his part. resisting the urge to explode when his body is aching to is dangerous, so it’s better to let loose small, controlled, explosions when the time comes. He works hard to keep control of his quirk, he knows when it’s best to just let explosions loose and when he can hold it in

even without explosions he has a habit of his fingers twisting or fist clenching when he’s high strung. restricting his hands in any way, esp during these times, are an absolute no for him. he WILL react violently if you take away his only method of physically defending himself. 

the reason why he NEEDS to be able to defend himself at all times comes from his lack of trust. He doesn’t WANT to rely on other people, because they could mess up so it’s just better to do it himself. so if people try and stop him from doing it himself.... just nope. 

he’s so so so SO bad at accepting compliments. he’s used to empty meaningless compliments, praise for things he didn’t even earn, so getting actual compliments that are WORTH something. it’s. a lot. he doesn’t know how to properly handle it yet so his first reaction is to reject it somehow ( either by telling the person they are being an idiot, or finding fault in the compliment itself, or something along those lines ) 

he has a base respect for pro heroes in general, because he understands that they have experience he is obviously lacking being a student. but he won’t be blinded by their status. if they fuck up, they fuck up and no ‘hero’ status will keep him from recognizing that 

he doesn’t actually hate quirkless people. he never really has. he had a problem with DEKU, but not exactly quirkless people in general. he started calling Izuku as “Deku” before he knew that he would never get a quirk. He called him ‘deku’ because izuku would fail at bouncing a ball or skipping stones and such ( back then, almost ALL people were ‘useless’ to him, not just quirkless people aoweinaoweianwe ) 

he as sharp teeth. not enough to be called fangs or anything, but they are definitely sharper than average ( he’s a little gremlin so I must give him sharp teeth ) 

he’s still struggling to ask for help. he can easily admit that he needs backup when it comes to hero works — knows that teamwork is essential at times and saving and BEING saved in turn is how being a hero is. BUT for PERSONAL things? Outside of being a hero? As a person??? He doesn’t know HOW to ask for help with that. 

He’s ALWAYS been super independent. so people just. expect him to be fine on his own. HE himself expected to be fine on his own. But by the time he realized wait no, I’m not fine. People stopped trying to check up on him. ( until U.A., but then old habits die hard. but he’s learning ) 

he tends to shower at night more than in the mornings, because he often works out not too long before bed. he also just takes more than one shower a day if needed ofc he takes hygiene seriously

he HATES when he can’t get a full night’s sleep. And sadly ever since getting kidnapped it’s been happening more and more often. he’s unused to functioning without a full eight or nine hours, so he gets cranky all day and feels fucking awful. He used to hate naps, felt like a waste of his day, but they’ve become a bit of a necessity with how shit his sleeping pattern has become. ( plus jordyn’s shoto has shown him the wonders of napping aowienawe ) 

he doesn’t take long to get ready in the morning. even if he needs to dress differently for an occasion or anything, he doesn’t spend long trying to decide what to wear

his quirk isn’t affected by rain or water like people would expect, but it’s fucking COLD so he still hates getting wet

he’s really good at fighting even without his quirk. he absolutely has thought of situations where he couldn’t use his quirk to full capacity, and so he decided he needed to kick ass even without it

he’s really level-headed in battle!!! despite how he acts, he ALWAYS considers all options and acts on the best one. He just thinks really fast and acts the way he does so it SEEMS like he’s charging in without thinking ahead. That being said, he used to often underestimate his opponents so he’d sometimes make the wrong call. He’s getting MUCH better at not doing that lately tho

he doesn’t really celebrate his own birthday. he gets well wishes from his family, often they’d get a cake maybe, but he doesn’t really WANT or NEED presents, so he had his parents stop trying to gift him things years ago. His birthday is SUPER close to the beginning of the year, so it is often times overlooked by his peers too, but he doesn’t care

Katsuki is demisexual!! He can recognize when people are traditionally attractive, but he doesn’t really fucking care and isn’t attracted TO them. It’s only once they’ve become someone he actually CARES about could he then develop any feelings beyond platonic ones ( no love at first sight here )

he’d NEVER pick up smoking, and even when of age he’d very rarely drink. He wouldn’t want his health to deteriorate by stuff like that. And he wouldn’t want his ability to think be hindered by alcohol

he doesn’t like lying unless for good reason ( like hiding ofa ) but he doesn’t see lying by omission as the same. To him, that’s just him deciding it’s no one’s business and so there’s no need for him to admit to anything

people have tried to bully him as a kid. we’ve seen him chase off older kids in canon before. It wasn’t just a one time thing. It was pretty constant, actually. Other kids, usually those older than him, would hear about him and his attitude and try and ‘put him in his place’ It’s not like he was very popular as a kid, it’s just that Katsuki always WON any fights so no one could actually do anything to him

his nicknames, for the most part, aren’t actually meant to be insulting. Besides like Deku, and when he called Todoroki “holding back bastard”, the rest are just,,, descriptions in his mind aowienAWE ThEY ARE RUDE AF but he doesn’t actually seek out the rudest name he can think of to call people. It’s just whatever comes to mind first

he doesn’t actually mind when people call him out on his shit anymore. he’d in fact admit that they have guts to do so. If they try and call him out on BULLSHIT though, then he’d get angry bc they are just wasting his goddamn time. 

he KNOWS when his classmates are purposefully manipulating him to doing something by phrasing it as a challenge. It’s just he doesn’t give a shit, he’ll rise to the challenge anyways and prove them all WRONG. 

If he really doesn’t wanna do something, there’s absolutely nothing that could get him to do it 

his way of SHOWING that he cares is through actions and gifts. Doing things for people ( studying, cooking, etc ) that he cares about comes naturally to him

On the contrary, he struggles to process it when people try and show that they care the same way. He doesn’t like getting gifts, and he rather do the things he needs to himself??? The easiest way he can understand people showing that they care is through quality time. If you are willing to spend time with him, seek him out? He can get that means you WANT to. ( if this is proven wrong it’d shake his entire acceptance in that person. he’d struggle to believe that they care for him at all in any way after ) 

once you broke his trust, it’s impossible to gain it back. he DOESNT trust easily. he takes so many careful measures to prevent himself from trusting the wrong person. if he gave you his trust you better fucking treasure it, because it’s only given out once. That being said, there are different levels of trust that katsuki gives out — as seen on his relationship page. Level two trust is when it starts getting serious. If you have that, that’s when if broken it’s unfixable. Level one trust is a toss up if broken, very dependent on situation

soft smiles are hard to come by from katsuki! We’ve all seen his confident grins in the face of danger all the time — he smiles a lot during challenges and battle!! But soft ones? Full of fondness and love? They are pretty rare. And even when they DO happen, often it’s only when no one can see

His EYES are actually what turns soft first!! You have a better chance catching his eyes and eyebrows turn a bit less aggressive, but again they aren’t exactly common per say. He doesn’t like showing such expression unless he feels like attention is off him. ( he just. isn’t USED to expressing himself this way. so he doesn’t really like when people draw attention to when he does. because it makes him feel like he did something wrong, in a way )

it’s actually easy to make katsuki flustered and embarrassed. he’S not uSED to it so he’s weak let him live aowieNAWE his ears are the first to turn red!!! but if you really get him embarrassed he does go completely red sorry kats

he does all of his homework well in advance. he hates leaving ANYTHING to the last minute, really

he’s done modeling work as a kid. sometimes he still does, but very rarely. He doesn’t exactly hate doing it, but he just isn’t the least bit interested so he rather spend his time doing something else. When he does do it, you bet he takes it 100% seriously.

he won’t argue if someone calls him a shit person. he knows that he is, and he refuses to deny that. what DOES piss him off though is when people solely focus on how shit of a person he is to the extend of disregarding the perfect results he gives. He’s a shit person, but he’s still the BEST and fuck anyone who says otherwise.

he also knows that he is changing, because it’s a conscious effort on his part TO change. But that’s also the thing. He’s working hard to not be shitty ALL the time, but that doesn’t change the fact that at his core, he’s still not a NICE person. he’s acutely aware that the things he struggles so much with, comes so easy to other people. He wont let this STOP him , he’s never called it quits before just because something was difficult for him, but it still sucks. knowing just how much effort he’s putting into this when some people barely think about it at all

katsuki was well versed in medical knowledge even before U.A. Not because he was thinking about how heroes may need to give emergency care on the field, but just from his own injuries during self training. he needed to know how to treat them properly so it doesn’t cause him problems in the future 

katsuki runs hot, but he gets cold easily. Because he’s used to keeping himself running at high temperatures, his concept of cold is different than most other’s. Suddenly being in like sixty five degrees Fahrenheit feels COLD to him

intended use for furniture are only suggestions. That means yes, he WILL sit on top of desks and counters, stand on top of chairs, and put his feet on the bed while he lays on the floor if he so goddamn chooses. 

no matter how close with a person he is, he’ll eventually need time alone and his personal space left untouched. It takes a lot to get to the point where physical touch is something he’d allow, ( having both touch starvation and touch aversion in equal parts ) but even with people he is completely comfortable with, sometimes it still gets to be TOO mUCH and he needs to step back. he has bad days, too. where just a brush of contact would set him off and he can’t understand himself why it happens. all he knows is that he really hates those days.

it still stings, the knowledge that All Might never even considered him for a possible successor. he was RIGHT THERE when all might picked izuku, after all. and all might can say all he wants about how ‘he was already powerful, he wanted to give midoriya a fighting chance’ or whatever. he knows he was never a contender. it’s not that he WANTS ofa though. he is perfectly happy with his quirk. It’s not even that it’s deku who ended up getting it, he in retrospect is glad deku can fight him now. It’s just. in the end, he’s always always lacking something. it just fuels to his belief of never being good enough when it counts. because HE is NEVER anyone’s first choice to be the up and coming number one. He’s GOING to be. He’ll prove EVERYONE wrong. But, it sure would be nice. Someone else believing in him, too.

[herotheshiro]

so i reread all of behind the desks today lol bc i was thinking abt it last night as i was going to sleep, and also fully read through the epilogue chapters which i don’t think i had done before. which means i read through all of the plot points all at once this time around. i think my thoughts for this readthrough might end up being the length of a regular post so i’m just writing up a new post instead of reblogging my old review of this manhwa. obviously spoilers for the story below the cut

again i like this manhwa mainly bc of 2 things:

i like the juxtaposition of young’s obviously manipulative language with taesung’s innocent language that also sounds suspiciously the same. obviously you know taesung has positive intentions and isn’t a controlling freak like young but it’s such an interesting way to depict the aftermath of an abusive relationship and the difference in intentions despite the same words even though in retrospect that probably wasn’t what the author was trying to do. unless... ?

sunny seo as a character!! on the surface he definitely seems to fall under the standard BL uke tropes of being clumsy and looking pretty and stuck in a love triangle as the shared obj of affection but from the very beginning you already know he’s not a pushover but he just seems like that bc he doesn’t really have or express strong opinions. a lot of BLs tend to have the shared obj of affection be like oh nooo i can’t pick bw the 2 of them... but i mean from the start sunny doesn’t want to be w young and his fear of backlash and change is what motivates his secret-keeping from taesung... also throughout the story they imply that he’s a good match for taesung who canonly likes action stuff by being someone who actually likes high-energy activities/vibes. tl;dr sunny is generally a good character who also has a lot of foreshadowing done for him to reveal aspects of his personality that contribute to the story

anyway onto my thoughts that i had during this specific readthrough

jaeyoon. anyone who read my prev review for this manhwa knows that i had beef w how they used him during the conclusion to young and sunny’s relationship. i now realize that maybe they DID actually give him a face reveal during his wedding when young and sunny split off to chat with a friend each and the friend who spoke to sunny was actually jaeyoon himself... BUT YOU GOTTA FUCKING SAY THAT!! i suspected they were the same guy bc of the hair color and them always hiding jaeyoon’s face until that “random” moment where they give this character who looks like him a face but like i was never sure... no offense to the author or anything but i think you have to put in-text that it’s jaeyoon and not assume readers will know based on your art that it’s him... there are too many side characters who show up so it’s not like we’ve ONLY seen taesung/sunny/young so far so now this 4th person who shows up has to be jaeyoon... i mean maybe other readers ID-ed it as him w no issue esp since he shows up being like ‘dude...’ when that other friend is like ‘well jaeyoon was in rehab and stuff’ but i personally think it should’ve been mentioned in-text esp since that face reveal wasn’t nearly dramatic enough to 100% capture readers’ attentions.

otherwise i think the fact that jaeyoon and taesung are similar is a great plot point. jaeyoon was clearly the only friend in that group who saw young and sunny’s relationship accurately so i’m glad sunny had at least one GOOD friend then. jaeyoon is implied to be someone who takes care of others similar to taesung (even if it’s only sunny he dotes over the most) too. other than young’s general possessiveness of sunny, them being similar also explains why young saw jaeyoon as such a threat. but yeah unfortunately i still don’t think it was handled as well as it could have been.

young’s explanation for his behavior towards sunny... i hesitate to say it was the standard “villain redemption” but tbf i think it was a good explanation for his actions even if it felt a little too clean of a conclusion (young letting go of sunny so easily and also apparently realizing and accepting how damaging he was to him). i say it’s partially redeeming bc it shows that young was kind of trapped in such a specific and damaging way of thinking abt life that it affected how he treated sunny but it’s also not really redeeming him bc like. be normal man lol you don’t have to be like that to others.

separate but related note but young’s mindgaming of taesung... when he was like oh everything abt sunny seo you like is bc of me... like DAMN that’s evil and good (writing-wise). although the thing is that young and sunny also haven’t interacted apparently for 5 years so i mean you do have to realize that by the time taesung reunites w him, sunny has developed enough of an individual personality so it’s not ALL young’s shit. 

in my last review i said i felt like i wanted more of young and sunny’s history... tbh i think they gave us enough actually. all we really need to know is that they’ve known each other for a very long time and that young manipulated sunny enough during an impressionable time (young age, college. ppl know how college can be lol) that sunny felt that young was the only one for him. i was actually surprised jaeyoon’s story/details came up so quick in the story (i think it showed up in the 1st half of the manhwa) but i think it was a good point bc the story had to move on to the middle/2nd half of sunny and taesung trying to get their relationship to work. past me was also apparently looking for this scene in the bar apparently where young explains his “reasons” to taesung lol

not really much to say this time abt the hosung x young endgame. still don’t think they should’ve done it or had hosung have unrequited feelings but whatever i guess. tbh i didn’t really realize/connect until this time around that hosung actually was in freelancing art/publishing which was why taesung had him look at sunny’s work lol... i think last time that part in the epilogue hadn’t been translated yet so i just didn’t have the room to make the connection maybs

the epilogue ending... so i actually never read the epilogue ending or at least its eng translation, and i was like hell yea at the full circle shit w sunny being like ‘oh the cherry blossom petals are falling just like when i first met taesung in the infirmary’ but then the ch kept going w taesung and sunny on the beach... idk i think ending it literally at sunny being like ‘w you i feel alive’ was such an abrupt ending... like maybe if they added another panel of them smiling at each other it could’ve been fine but if the author was running low on time i honestly think they could’ve ended it at the scene of sunny accepting his contest award

also when sunny was like ‘yeah lol all my classmates at the children’s book program also get sick all the time’.... i was like bruh this author is prob speaking from actual experience lmao

the other thing abt the ending that was a little random was the quick aside abt taesung’s mom being against their relationship... i mean it was a reference to the mom wanting taesung to get married in the main story but then they dropped it and then suddenly brought it back up again... randomly adding that taesung had a sister who was his contact w their mom... like i get it, it wraps up the loose end of his mom but wow i was uh ok random ch abt potential family conflicts. also where are sunny’s parents lol but that would’ve been too much to get into too regardless of homophobia or not lol

overall it’s still a pretty solid manhwa. stuff proceeds at a good pace and the conflicts/misunderstandings make sense. i said before it’s kinda like a love triangle but it’s really not which works w me bc i don’t like love triangles that much (they stress me out lol); it’s also good bc young is clearly toxic for sunny and it’s good that sunny knows that rather than sunny being like “oh i know he’s bad but also... hmm maybe i can overlook it”. the manhwa’s not perfect -- i still get the sense the writing could be better even if i can’t really enunciate why -- but enough details are tied together that there’s nothing major i have to extrapolate bw (like i can overlook the jooyeon mishap even though it legit threw me off the 1st time i read through). also yes i know the manhwa is based off of a game w characters essentially already established but my understanding is that the author/artist essentially had to write up a lot of the actual story themselves even if they had a general plotline provided to follow

also the final author’s note abt the author personally preferring fucked up stories... when i started rereading i was like wait isn’t this the same artist for that one manhwa where the characters look like the k!lling st@lking? mains and even if i didn’t remember i would’ve realized w that author’s note lol. i think fortunately for them that sunny isn’t an entirely “pure” character so they had enough room to make him a little more twisted.

[eulaties]

my opinion about true beauty

lowkey this is gonna be a post where i rant about true beauty’s (webtoon) downfalls. obviously do not interact if ur gonna disagree, because i dont want any unnecessary discourse. (also im not posting this so i can be convinced that true beauty is actually a good webtoon - i just need to get this off my chest.)

first of all...let me address the weak writing and plot. it really seems as if the author is just shifting focus to boy drama and not actual character development/plot that would be actually interesting? i also get the feeling that the plot is literally going nowhere. i don’t have any excitement for what’s going to happen next - it’s either way too predictable or i know something mundane is going to drag on for multiple episodes. and plus, it’s not like “true beauty” is a feel-good cliché story (if it was, i would understand why people would defend it, because it could be a comfort webtoon). no, instead, it really drills in that if you don’t fit into society’s beauty standard, you’re ugly. if you’re slightly overweight? you’re fat and you’re ugly. you have acne? ugly. you have stretch marks? you have hair on your arms and legs? you have bushy eyebrows, small eyes, a wide face, and you wear glasses? absolutely disgusting.

(please note my personal opinions do not reflect anything i said up there. im just stating what i perceive true beauty is trying to say.)

according to this webtoons, if you’re not skinny, thin, tall but not too tall, have good skin, big eyes, etc. then you’re fucking ugly. which is such a jarring message? especially because the author really drills this in at the beginning of the webtoon (which i initially excused because i thought that the author would address this later down the road and have jugyeong have character development...haha no). and also, get this - you’re human and it’s natural to have those things??? i don’t understand how any of that makes you ugly. it doesn’t. and it’s such a bad message to be giving out to younger audiences who are easily influenced by the media they consume !! this really just preys on people’s insecurities. so fucked up.

now let me talk about jugyeong specifically. she’s such a bad role model. okay, at the beginning of the webtoon we see her discover makeup and then have a “glow up”. then we see her struggle with her insecurities. that part of the story was fine, because it at least showed a human side to jugyeong. also, she actually had personality. she had a passion for horror, wanted to pursue being a makeup artist, genuinely enjoyed helping other people, didn’t judge people off of superficial beliefs, etc etc. then, the time skip happens and literally all of jugyeong’s personality is wiped away. and now she has literal cardboard as her personality. all we know about her now is that seojun is her boyfriend!! this is her first relationship!! literally nothing else about her bc shes boring af now!! she’s a hypocrite and treats people she sees as “ugly” worse than her!! where did all of that character and personality from before go? it’s disappointing to say the least.

and don’t even get me started on seojun and suho, who are fighting for a girl who isn’t even wife material. not even gonna lie i don’t want either of them to end up w her. seojun, i acknowledge, has gone through a lot of character development and has actually changed & also has admirable ambitions. his relationship with jugyeong, however, is obviously not going to last at all. suho, on the other hand, is a nice person/the ONE decent person in this webtoon. unfortunately, i do have to acknowledge that outside of that, there’s not really much we know about suho (other than his dad being sick). and he has gone thru literally no character development. 

(shoutout to suho and aiden for being the only reasons i read this far tho, lmao)

i also want to address the title dilemma - by which i mean that “true beauty” is actually meant to be called “the secret of angel” or smth like that. which is like...okay the title is misleading which is so weird esp because this is one of the most popular webtoons on the site? i dont understand why they would purposely change the title if not to mislead people. also, i see some people defending the bad writing/characterization/clicheness of true beauty by saying that it’s supposed to be like a k-drama/reflective of korean culture...which is, by the way, so fucked up. first of all, k-dramas are not synonymous with shitty writing and characters. ALSO, get this: just because it’s korean, it doesn’t excuse any blatantly bad and superficial messages it gives out. especially because beauty standards in korea are toxic as hell.

so, think of this as my “breakup letter” to true beauty. what a shame, too, because i’ve been following this weekly for 2 years straight (since 2018!) and it’s just so goddamn disappointing how much true beauty has rapidly decreased in quality since.

(see “the man who cleans up makeup”/

“the makeup remover” webtoon, which is so much better and also gives off so many good messages WHILE ADDRESSING THE ROLE BEAUTY/MAKEUP PLAYS IN KOREAN SOCIETY.)

goodbye true beauty. hopefully you get better writing, characterization, and a better author one day!

[abenignsmile]

Some Cielonica shipping meme I did! 

I was lazy so for the portraits I used the art I commissioned from my friend @toivoshi​! (Please check them, they do amazing art and has a super cool ongoing comic series!!)

Links to templates! First (originally posted by senaizuuchan) || Second || Third and Fourth

Note: I changed the second template’s “Screams at bugs” to “Scoops bugs and throws them away” and also added a horse into the driver part since this is Fire Emblem, baybee!!

Also, more talk about these memes under the cut!!

General Ship Meme Stuff

Height Ciela has already stopped growing for a long time. Her height capped at 158 cm/5'1" feet while Veronica keeps on growing. She will eventually outgrow Ciela (maybe she'd hit somewhere 170 or even 175).

Age I never decided on their age. All I know is just Brave!Veronica (I will write as Beronica from now on) is older than Princess Veronica (just Veronica if I write her more) because she seems more mature and more stable as a person. I HC-ed that Veronica is somewhere at 13~16 y.o. while Beronica is at 18 ~ early 20s y.o. and Thrasir is already at mid 20s (maybe 26~27). Ciela in my mind has always been the age of uni/college student, or a fresh graduate who's struggling to find jobs in the world. Her background is still very much vague so I never really thought much about her age.

Falling in love Ciela is very much easily attracted to people, esp those who makes her feel really good. Her romantic disposition usually doesn't stop at anyone w/ feminine tendencies, but she just feels far more comfortable around those who identifies as female, due to multiple reasons. She doesn't mind guys in general, but they just don't get her going. Anyway, she fell in love with Beronica literally at first sight.

Beronica, due to her position, lived a more isolated life, and also is more wary of people in general. There is a limited number of people who she trusts. I HC-ed that she doesn't have much great experience with males (cause iirc her dad was a bastard) except those who she viewed with more brotherly or platonic view like her own brother or Xander. She's most likely a lesbian but also a demiromantic at the same time. Took her a while to develop her feelings towards Ciela, but after that, she's like a car without brakes.

Relationship experience Ciela had been in relationship w/ some guys before she realized she's not really into them. She never really hooked up with any girls because of some prejudice about same sex relationship where she came from, so Beronica is literally her first lesbian partner.

As mentioned above, Beronica lived quite in more isolation so she never really had any romantic relationship experience beyond the formality. She’s not awkward at them however, due to all the manners and diplomatic lessons she received. (And Beronica does have that different streaks of confidence than Veronica. The way they talk is vastly different, with Beronica showing more confidence and is more demanding in tone compared to Veronica’s more flat and reserved tone).

Affections/PDA/Protectiveness Once Beronica enters a serious relationship with Ciela (post their support thing you can read here), Beronica shows Ciela tons of affections and lavishes her with love as she realizes how great of a person Ciela is, and is a bit in a way to repay her for everything she did. Bero doesn't hestitate to hold her hand, hugs her, or even treats potential Ciela courters with much cold or threatening gaze. She'd leave "marks" on Ciela's body but since Ciela dresses very modestly, there's just no room for that, lmao. Fortunately, Bero can show great degree of professionality as a hero first and foremost and not terribly possessive in "you can't interact with people but me" way, since she understands that Ciela is a very important person in the Order of Heroes. She also trusts Ciela enough because she knows Ciela isn't really attracted to anyone else but Bero really.

Ciela mostly have treated Vero the same since the beginning. She did show a great deal of attention towards Beronica to fight off the Embla curse and for everything else really (since she was the fool who fell in love first). She's more reserved in showing her affection since she's a little shyer at times, and a bit bad at words, but she can also be clingy to Beronica, and never minds the affectionate PDA thing Beronica do to her. She also knows that Beronica is rarely ever interested in anyone else but her so things are really bueno for them.

Pet Names They call each other "my beloved" or "dearly beloved". Ciela has a secret nickname for Bero that is "Ronnie", but she uses it more privately because some early heroes who knew about this often teases them about it. They don't have other "silly" pet names because they're just that type of straightforward couple hahah.

Bonus: an alternate versison of Ciela who used to be Thrasir's SO called Thrasironica with the nickname of "night charm" and "night sky". In return, Thrasir called her "thunder" or "paradise". Both pet names are references to some important symbols in their relationship (that are quite different from present Ciela and Beronica).

Smaller stuff/trivias

“Scoops bugs and throws them away” was changed from “screams at bugs” because both Ciela and Beronica thankfully aren't afraid at bugs. They have different level of fascination towards it and behaves really differently. However, Ciela is more pacifist in her approach when dealing with pests while Beronica is more straightforward to kill.

Beronica being a princess once made her very sloppy at doing chores and cookings (I'll talk about this in the food section). She's doing her best, but ultimately Ciela or other heroes prefer to do it on their own most of the time. Beronica is good at keeping her stuff organized at least. They’d still let her do polishing or weapon maintenance since she’s very meticulate and careful. They will also let her do the horse care duty since she’s good with them.

On driving - Beronica has a very loyal horse named Randgridr (whom I don't talk about enough) so she's very good at dealing with animals in general and has great mastery on working with them. In modern AU, this just means she'd get her license as early as she could and just go everywhere with the car she owns. She's also not a clumsy driver. - Ciela eventualy gets to have a falicorn of her own (a black falicorn named Benthe whom she and Bero found when they both ran away to the mountain when Anna declared beach day) so she'd get a mastery on working with mounted animals. In modern AU, she's probably that person who has driving license but doesn't really drive unless she really has to.

On sleeping habit - Ciela is very much a night owl and has hard time getting up in the morning. She often misses roll call and at this point most people in Order of Heroes already accepted this and can proceed business as usual without her.  - Veronica is also a night owl, but this derives from her often having nightmares due to the Curse of Embla. Once meeting Ciela, her sleep quality actually improves a lot - Sometimes they do a lot of “things” at night to tire themselves out and helps them falling asleep better. 

Food Meme Stuff

I imagined both of them aren't very picky eaters. Bero maybe so in the beginning, but being a royal, I imagined she has great palate and experience with foods, and was able to help improve the flavor of foods in the Order via her feedback. She generally eats anything as long as they're prepared properly. She also understand the importance of eating well being a soldier herself.

Ciela isn't picky because of her previous background not letting her eat as much as she wants so she's always eager on trying something new. She became good at cooking solely for the reason of feeding herself and some people who lived with her at some point.

Favorite Food/Drinks

Ciela likes food that tastes great both hot and cold, but she has more tongue to eat more "refreshing" food. Maybe she used to live in a tropical country...

Bero is a meat lover. She loves them anyhow they're cooked, but she mostly likes them roasted or made into meatballs and served with some juicy and sour berry sauce or jam to balance the fatty flavor.

I don't know how to describe "herbal soft drinks" better than it does, but basically soft drinks are sort of any drinks that is meant to be enjoyed lightly as opposed to alcoholic drinks, right? (though they are mostly being used to refer to carbonated drinks). So one day I had the chance to eat at an international restaurant in a hotel and for the local menu, they have these selection of "soft drinks" that are basically combination of herbs and fruits and woods that are just so??? good??? They're clear colored (some red, some green, depending on the ingredients) so maybe they're like infused drinks or filtered juice(?), and one of my favorite has peppermint, ginger, sappan wood, and lime in it. It is served cold and is also sweet (maybe they added sweetener to it). So I imagined Bero would like to drink these refreshing drinks because they taste great and possibly has great benefits for health too since they're mostly from natural ingredients.

On Cafe Drinks

I HC-ed that in Zenith, Askr grows tea while Embla grows coffee. This makes for the reason why Askrans like to drink tea a lot and Veronica in one of the FEH comic is clueless about tea brewing.

This reflects on Bero's choice of caffeine drink. She doesn't mind tea but more used to coffee. She usually takes them plain or just with milk or cream.

Ciela prefers tea because she just doesn't like the flavor of coffee. She prefers her tea chilled though. She drinks boba or jelly drink back in her world.

On Alcoholic Drinks

I think both Ciela and Bero are very modest drinker, as in they won't drink unless it's for someone else or for any important occassion.

Ciela is a moderate drinker. She holds herself very well and will definitely stop before she gets drunk and totally lose herself. When drunk however, she will get very "proper" and apologetic. She will get sad and apologize a lot, letting out much of her inner worries, and probably also auto pilots herself to properly tidy herself before she fell asleep. Some people enjoys her drunken state because finally they'll be able to find out more about her since Ciela keeps to herself most of the time.

Beronica if drunk gets on the pretty happy but sarcastic side like suddenly her words became much sharper (and honest) while she says it in very smiley face or her normal tone. She also gets far more daring. Her auto-pilot mode isn't as great as Ciela's however.

On Food

Living in Order of Heroes, everyone gets to eat properly and equally due to the strict living schedule, though Ciela gets to skimp on that sometimes since she often misses breakfast. The heroes often save an easy to eat breakfast for her so she can eat them during meetings or study or chores.

Ciela eats quite a lot. Nobody knows where all those extra calories goes. Most guesses it goes to her brain and her tiddies.

Veronica loves spicy food and Ciela can't stand them so much. She has a tongue that's pretty sensitive to the spice that'll numb her tongue and make her unable to taste anything else. It mostly saddens her because she thinks it's a great flavor and makes food exciting.

Ciela loves her sweets and bakes or cooks to feed herself. Veronica is more moderate on it, but she'd take some sweet-savory snack for herself.

That’s all for now?? If I missed anything, feel free to ask!! 

Thanks for reading uwu)b

[honeyfreckled]

The way u write for us big gurls has inspired me to start writing my own plu ssize!reader series!😊 it’s refreshing to see myself written in such honest ways💜I’m tired of only reading y/nwho is shy plus hates her body. Reading genuine fics for my size from u has been phenomenal for my confidence. Lol I haven’t even dated yet but even I can tell you are writing it realer than what I’ve seen. Keep it up babes and know you ARE making a difference. 💓

ahhh I’m soft tysm i try rlly hard to be truthful to my own experiences as a fat woman. I cant believe yr sayin i inspired you it makes my heart swell tbh i never thought I’d be someone who could inspire anyone. wow e wow wow. tbh i rlly appreciate u noticing my attempt at a diff approach. I got sick of stories w fat readers focused on self hatred. or where it was all ok bc “this girl is the right kinda thicc/curvy” tbh, I had to stop lookin at that stuff. i internalized it, it started affecting my sex life/relationships/triggered ptsd/promoted unhealthy thinking. 

lil advice to fat readers below pls excuse the rant eeep. 

tw: sex talk/porn talk

If I could give fat viewers advice (esp those who are new to dating, struggle w self love/fear of dating/sexual confidence) it'd be- stay particularly mindful what smut/p*rn/content u view. When I was a SW/SB so therefore NEEDED to have an incredibly strong sense of self worth/autonomy- I made it a point to join fat positivity and educated myself on “fat politics.” Surround myself irl/online w supportive, intelligent, talented fat artists who many times are also disabled POC lgbtq folks so we connect on multiple lvls. 

I made sure not to consume nsfw stuff that fetishized my body. In general-nothing that'd demean/degrade/dehumanize ppl like me, or marginalized ppl in general. Some things im gonna see, it’s unavoidable, like fat jokes that crop up in a show im into that usually never makes comments like that. seeing my body excluded when it comes to the kinda fat models plus size stores use. The pain in seeing no one like u in mainstream media or even in the fandom. But as u continue to avoid consuming any content (nsfw AND sfw) that partakes in fat shaming/stereotypes/stigmas/body hate- u begin to notice the impact it has on u. u have an increase in yr confidence bc u got away from that other shit. u know how to spot warning signs. ESPECIALLY IN THE BEDROOM. U know how to/aren’t afraid to ask for what u want, u aren’t as easily pushed around or made into a dirty little secret w basic dudes who’re too chicken abt their pals knowin they like a fat girl. not sayin it’ll be all perfect, but u know how to take less shit from bad partners. and good sex, that u know u were bomb at, gives u a glow and radiates into other parts of yr life. u can use it to reduce stress, alleviate pain, get a boost in confidence/mood, use it to connect w someone on a deeper lvl, good sex can change all kindsa shit for u lol. not to say it’s necessary bc ik for some folks it just aint for em. but still removing that kinda content i mentioned can help regardless if yr sexually active.

if u still wanna watch porn, switch over to indie stuff (not the same as what they call amateur and not on well known porn sites) if u wanna see more relatable bodies and sex acts u could more possibly recreate. Indie scene is filled w awesome actors, the work is more artistic/aesthetics, way more realistic than shitty p*rnhub/xtube/tumblr. Still not totally close to real life. but it has its moments. what most p*rn never shows- like seeing em not cut out when a fat trans actor had to stop to readjust and get more comfortable, that kinda realness helps inform those who’re fat but haven’t been intimate that it's totally normal if they cant do all the insane stunts that go on in smut/p*rn. 

srry to rant ig the point I’m making is, even if u have no experience but yr aware the fat nsfw content u view isn’t something u can relate to- still tread lightly in those waters. Our subconscious is more powerful than we know, we become inundated to unhealthy thinking patterns or beliefs. something even like the fact that it just plain isn’t sexually satisfying for most all fat bodies to approach sex the same way as shown time and time again. or when we do have sexual encounters we come away w shame or trauma bc our bodies didnt react how we were trained to believe they would/should.

anyway ik i talk a whole damn bunch, but If u ever have a question abt the logistics feel free to hmu too. i dont mind discussing it from my experience.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

tbf, the Oku arc also had the bs morgana/ryuji argument with inconsistencies like "Oh Ryuji's just in it for the fame/chicks!" as if his trauma from Kamo wasn't a thing, and like, when was he obsessed about getting chicks by being a PT? And then the plot favors Morgana even after running off, nearly running over the PT in car form (which i'm pretty sure would kill/injure them), and then robbing Haru of the big conflict scene with her dad

not to mention the same crap of Ryuji apologizing even though Morgana insulted HIM, akin to the Ann and Makoto situation; if we're pointing out character assassination in the Kamo arc it's only fair to bring it up in the Oku arc (not to mention Mona's whole hissyfit preventing the player from doing ANYTHING with free time, even though those scenes could've easily been edited to not include Morgana ye there're some damn good reasons the Oku arc is unanimously hated) 

Under cut cause length (I agree but....there are things that make it a bit murky)

100% agree with the free time stripped away, that was a bad design choice. That being said, I don’t think P5 offers a lot to do after you max stats and max CoOps (P3/4 have a similar issue but, hear me out, P5 is newer and probably should’ve fixed that by now), like more free time is great for people that don’t have this game down to a science like me (I tend to literally just sleep the last like 14 days of the game so I can get to the next story beat cause there’s nothing else to do, first playthrough to boot....I’ve played too much of this game even for trophies orz). Royal helps a bit with the darts game and my Palace (latter being a curse and a blessing)...oh and the challenge mode (except you know....majority of it is behind a paywall :D....but like the batting cage and darts games I don’t feel any motivation to keep playing it, not like the counterparts with Judgement. Fishing is a bit better, maybe it’s because I have something to work towards (better gear, better bait?) but there’s not a lot of variety so I’m kinda bored fast. Tycoons’ fine, maybe add more card games, but that one is solid...but it’s outside of the time block mechanic so there’s no issue??? The arcade is a treasure trove of stuff we could do just for fun (I ought to make (another) post about what we could have tbh). The game is kinda barren in terms of stuff to do ironically (maybe they needed to bring back P3/4 style quests or maybe more mini games I dunno just something). Moving on tho

And also I agree Haru was ROBBED...and so was Oku. Nothing really more to say tbh, her spotlight was stolen and Oku suffered as well. (I mean Kane suffered too, and instead of having Mako’s spotlight stole she ruins other chars spotlight instead and set off a domino effect that’d lead to her and Futaba taking the most spotlight as the game goes on but I dunno I’m just salty 8U) At least how she joins isn’t bad (idea? good. Execution? bad), and the lack of screen time where it went wrong as well. 

As for the other stuff....I agre....tho......here’s the thing (and what makes it murky)...when it comes to Mona....apparently they didn’t translate him well. He’s apparently NOT super mean to Ryu, he’s more of a joking kinda tone (at worst it’s P4 levels of banter, which.....imo is fine in theory since there’s no malice in those) when he does it. Like....take the part in a battle if Ryu misses, he’ll say “GAWD Skull, you’re PATHETIC!” with as much vitriol and contempt one could muster....but in the Japanese it’s like “you lame, lame guy” with an “ahaha haaaaa that was really bad :(” kinda tone (so it’s suppose to be like “haha....that was lame bro”). (he’s also supposed to come off as a wannabe gansta but they didn’t translate that.....unless they meant to translate him being insufferable then well 8U bad choice) So like...anytime he insults Ryu it’s suppose to be in a more friendly joking manner than what we got. This is probably why Ryu kinda lets him walk all over him. Ryu is suppose to be the one that actually fire shots first at Mona, and why it’s keen he apologizes first (that being said, even tho Mona’s shots are more playful/in good faith in the Japanese...I dunno how I feel about him doing that from like...the beginning when he barely knows them. 1) he lacks the familiarity and he does it from the beginning and 2) he lacks being the “mood lifter” that Yosuke’s role is coupled with putting his foot in his mouth, it makes no sense for Mona to be ragging on anyone even playfully). So apparently it’s more of a character assassination from the localization team (guess they didn’t fix it in Royal?). (it’s probably why.....iirc Mona ranked higher than Ryu in one of the first JPN polls?). (I still hate Mona tho, even tho I do know it’s possibly a localization error....I still don’t like him....plus other stuff he does too so...yeah). This isn’t the first time it happened tho in the series.

Past examples: PQ1, as much as I hold it higher than PQ2 all around, did character assassinate Teddy in one aspect. Him with Koro, in Japanese he has a failed but benign nickname/insult for Koro that’s like “puppy-doggy,” they translated it as “mutt” in english. Freaking mutt. I still think they should’ve used “Dawg”, not only is it closer to how the Japanese intended it, but it also works with Teddie already saying “fo’ sho.” Then there’s Yukari.....now I think it’s only with Junpei but apparently she’s more of a motherly scolding type when talking down to Junpei, and it doesn’t translate well in english (this and the “cold woman who keeps her emotions in tact” doesn’t either).....that being said I didn’t see it explaining her other bad behaviors so~! *shrugs*

THAT BEING SAID, man did Ryu come swinging OUT OF NOWHERE around Futaba’s dungeon. Straight up just calling him useless (ironically enough tho......he is) like????? Hold up, who are you and what have you done with my Ryu....but technically it was a bit before Oku’s arc started....and......while JARRING as all get out, it does make some sense.....it’s happened enough times befor Oku’s dungeon that they want to capitalize. And even if Mona’s banter was more in good nature, he and Mona still bantered so him maybe bullying him (partially cause fame is getting to his head now) isn’t TOO far off. 

As for Ryu and wanting fame, I’ll....yield for now. I could’ve sworn Ryu had soooome build up of wanting to use his fame for girls.......Actually, wait, I remembered something (both Ryu and one contradiction, it’s a minor one but yeah, minor compared to other arcs in both multitude and magnitude tbh). I think it’s just he was enjoying the PT’s popularity a little too much (rather than just tied to girls). I feel like it’s an arc he’s going through rather than character assassination, a weird choice (esp since they treat it like a team too later but-I’ll get to that).  I mean like I said with Dungeon 3, they were like “no we aren’t going after who the police are going after..........BECAUSE THEN THEY’LL TAKE THE CREDIT!” Like???? Didn’t think the fame went to your head just yet (you’d think it’d be starting as soon as Kane was caught rather than well prior). And then there’s.....Day Breakers....before we even got the game, happening sometime right as or right before Kane’s dungeon begins....he says some things that confused me. It was something along the lines of not wanting to go after small fish, or they needed a big target (the line was kinda implying eff the little guys)....and it confused the HELL outta me. Because we had JUST GOTTEN an article and Ryu was described as the reason the PT was formed, and everyone was like “Oh he cares so much about the victims!” only for him to not.....really.... with that line....and it was just weird. And while that is Day Breakers (it was made in mind to give us a taste of what was to come).....there’s that line I just mentioned that happens around the same time as DB.....which means the devs planned to this “we want to be popular” back in Mako’s dungeon..... which, in that dungeon it’s weird as hell cause we’re really not that far past them still being like “no save the victims above all else!” but again this change started happening in dungeon 3. Tbh I say this but I bet I can find a line or two around dungeon 1/2 for Ryu showing he’s more than just about victims.....which is weird....this isn’t handled with the delicacy it should if they wanted to go with that narrative....but it’s not all Dungeon 5′s fault tbh.

But that does lead to the contradiction (or I should say it’s weird/doesn’t make sense thing)...... We don’t want to go after Oku cause it seems fishy, and Ryu isn’t happy about it cause he wants to but yields, then Mona gets mad at Ryu (probably from being called useless, you know, cause Ryu’s been firing actual shots lately unlike Mona but the eng audience doesn’t realize it cause bad translation). But still he gets mad at the ONE PERSON who also wants to go after Oku???? That’s so counter productive??? And iirc then the game goes from the group being “we need to not go after Oku cause it seems sketch despite knowing what we know” to “of course we’re going after him! and *gasp* I can’t believe he’s done this! Even tho we’ve known about it we’ll be surprised! Also we’re ALL now responsible for having popularity go to our heads u_u” despite the fact we’re kinda only going after him cause of Haru’s plight (which is also where PQ2′s bold face lie comes in). 

Frankly I think Ryu and Mona should’ve been volatile to each other from the get go (just a mutual hate, iirc maybe similar to Mark and Nanjo from P1). Just complete animosity, and both being at fault by the time dungeon 5 happens. With both apologizing at the end. OR, make the Oku dungeon a place where the whole team is split (kinda like the Namatame TV scene in P4). Like I said good potential, just bad execution. 

Oku’s dungeon’s writing isn’t good by any stretch of the means. But a lot of stuff is either translation issues, or shitty seeds that were laid a lot prior t o this dungeon (and thus not really it’s fault it came about, its job is to resolve/capitalize on those seeds now). Kane’s? Literally trying to uproot and lie about an arc, not even laying seeds like Ryu, just straight up lying. Characters won’t act exactly like they used to. Oku’s Mona takes up a lot of Haru’s screen time, but in Kane’s the game literally bends to Mako’s will to get her into our team. 

Oku’s plot, while fumbled is plausible: Two chars who fight the entire game finally blow up, one runs off and ends up dragging in and recruiting another char who ironically is connected to our target....and is dragged in because Mona was near said target....cause she’s his dad....As opposed to Kane where: An adult thinks it’s a good idea to ask a normal student to look into something that cops usually look into (TWICE) even tho all he needs is a list which he should be able to provide due to having a bunch of names dropped the day of the confession and thus not actually NEED her or the events to even take place. Or the fact that the game seems to think Mako’s situation is any way plausible to ever happen and thus be taken seriously, along with all the character/story consistency being thrown out the window. 

Like I like Ryu and hate Mona, but....Ryu has some flaws tbh.....beyond just harassing Anne, he’s not perfect and that’s ok (tho how they handle any and all of it is not ok). Some seem counter intuitive to his apparent good boi nature. He’s kinda like Makoto with writing inconsistencies, but he’s limited to like....two diff modes while Mako is whatever the writers feel like atm consistency be damned. 

Also here’s the thing with Car Mona part.......either the writers forgot (wouldn’t be surprised)......or....they’re ignoring what they did. Mona literally states he needs someone to drive him when he first transforms:

Perv pyramid scene doesn’t really show Makoto driving-driving (she could just be gassing it while leaning, but like.....how much do we have to turn this wheel-whatever that’s not the issue here). Only time he is driving without input is when the team gets dragged into PQ2 (which makes sense), or with the Showtime (btw I hate these and that damn star), but the star “making the impossible possible” makes that make sense..... But this.....shows it means Haru must’ve tried to run us over. Now grant it she’s on Mona’s side, but it really begs the question....was it her idea or was it Mona’s? Or can Haru just not drive? I can def see Mona telling Haru to floor it tho, and her being like “Sure thing Sensei!” 

Oku’s arc, while badly written (and stuff setting it up was also badly written), makes some logical sense (execution was flubbed, but I can see it working at least  with someone more competent). Kane’s doesn’t make any sense on any level...and is badly written. It’s just, whatever Oku’s does (writing wise), Kane’s does worse and goes farther in making sure it’s worse. It’s like comparing two rotten apples. Oku’s is half rotten (not completely rotten, there’s still some non corrupt parts to that apple, but still rotten), and Kane’s is completely rotten (a mushy mess, nothing redeeming, rotten to the core). Both are bad, both are rotten, but one’s more far gone. 

[crossgartered]

P5R liveblog (5/?)

(Officially meeting the new kid) (Also, questions about Sae’s judgement)

Operation Maidwatch. *sigh*

I can hang out with ryuji at night now!!!!!!!!

Ah, the classic protect-girl-from-aggressively-creepy-rando trope. Ah well. I'm kind of glad that it means that the protag definitely, canonically would do the same thing as he did in the beginning

Ooh, new content new content

Wait, do people actually call him Doc? Weird. I didn't imagine that'd actually catch on.

...can you cook, Maruki?

I SEE HARU HELLO HARU

The gym shorts look kind of strange when paired with the bulky looking zipped long sleeved jacket

? I'm not with my friends? Who am I with? DO I GET TO MEET HARU PLEASE??? well obvs I'm with yoshizawa but like who are the other 2

Oh, but if I'm with yoshizawa then there's that npc girl who I'm with as well, since she was excited about being in her group

So basically the nocs are gonna fuck off bc they're scared of me and then yoshizawa and I get to talk

But this is speculation that will very quickly be proven right or wrong so let's keep playing

Oh, I'm with 3 npcs who aren't doing anything. Great.

OMFG HEDJDKDKD please tell me that was giffed to hell and back

Oh, neat, Ann showing off : )

RYUJI IS A GOOD KID

HARU HARU HARU HARU HARU

Oh, so he theoretically can cook.

(gifed? Gif-ed? How to spell)

Idk if this is a cultural thing or not but yoshizawa really puts a lot of thought into thanking and apologizing 'properly' for what seem like, for the most part, little things

Yeah, that's old news, yoshizawa.

Elephant tusk trafficking??? Rumors are wild

Oh, boy, there is no way Sae can spin this without an incredible reach, unless she talks about something other than acrobatic prowess

Faith, huh. Well, I don't know this arcana, but I can spot what the 'sin' probaby is in this card pretty easily. I wonder which deck this arcana comes from. I wonder what it'll mean in context of yoshizawa.

Wait HOLDUP she only has 5 ranks?????????

Her phone's been acting up recently...?

So she's definitely dead, right? Right?

Man either she's not available a lot or she's only available for a limited time I'm nervous why does she only have 5 ranks

We probably have until before the casino palace calling card. So, before November 25

Ah, that lines up with Maruki only being available until November, too

Hmm

Hey I love yoshida with like all my soul. I really appreciate how he's changed. I wish the best for him.

The sun and probably the tower also are the biggest stretches Sae makes, I feel like. Magician - tools, fine. Also party member but that one levels up automatically (and is not a known person so). And Yusuke was obvs the graphic designer for the new logo, so his being mentioned in his rank start makes sense. Ann had a weird one but she's a party member so I'll forgive it. I'll forgive the party member ones since it's pretty clear we have a group. Plus Sae is going for confirmation bias or whatever since. Y'know. Anyway.

Hierophant, amazingly direct. As for Justice, I don't remember what she says, but that's a bit of a special case anyway.

Fortune...that has to be a reach, right? Like, seriously. I don't remember it, though.

Hanged Man - A suspicious amount of weapons and guns. Even though they're model guns, they've also got some wear and tear like they've seen use. And if threats/blackmail are part of phantom thief methodology... I can see why she'd be interested. Not too bad.

Death - I guess. It is best to have a specialist for medical care. That actually almost needs an expert, unlike most of these other things. But the assumption of the need for medical care is a little strange.

Temperance - ehhhhhhhhh. This is something about having a teacher covering for them, right? I mean I /guess/, but...

Devil - a journalist? To influence public opinion? (Esp considering how wild it gets). And also get info about corruption from? THATS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD AND MAKES A LOT OF SENSE.

Tower - ...*sigh*. Sae, I know how to """handle""" model guns bc I play a lot of Gun About. Are you going to interrogate a little kid about how he """obvs learned from an expert""" how to """handle model guns"""??

Star - yes, very good. A strategist makes a lot of sense. Not sure why you would suspect someone not part of the thieves to be the strategist except that you already know all our "accomplices'" names. Well, it still makes sense, though.

Moon - of course. Of course. Super valid, Sae.

Sun - ehhhhhhh. You could take it into a psych-based influencing of minds via persuasion or something, I guess, but she does even worse and says that I need yoshida for writing calling cards. Which we've done twice before we even talk to him.

It pleases me immensely to think of that one art/meme where, upon forming an sl with Sae, it flashes back and she's like "AND THEN SOMEONE HAD TO INTERROGATE YOU! WHO WAS IT. ANSWER ME!"

Anyway....

Hey, I wonder if Mishima did a site redesign when the Phantom Thieves logo changed. I think he did, actually, right? At least it used to have a white bg iirc. Or maybe I just don't remember correctly. And then maybe Ryuji pointed Yusuke at the Phansite and went ham. Hmm.

I wonder what Yusuke thought of the old logo.

WOW that got off on a tangent