#also the way she uses luciens trauma is fucked too

[amberthefantasy]

I love feyre, I really do. but this is so true. and it didn't have to be framed as a good thing, literally all that needed to happen was have freyre realise what she did there was fucked, have Lucien call her out for using his triggers to get her way and let her have a moment of reflection.

and if sjm could write a good story she would have done that but ya know

Will never get over how Feyre pushed Tamlin into losing control of his magic for her own agenda and purposefully refused to use her shields to protect herself just to make a show to people that he’s volatile and abusive. It is honestly disgusting because she knows he isn’t in full control of his emotions and she uses that to gain victim points. Imagine using someone’s triggers to push them to the breaking point and acting like that’s an achievement. It’s fucking gross and we are supposed to root for this?

[achaotichuman]

Acotar Rant

Whenever I see shit like ‘Tamlin is depressed and wants to die because Feyre left him’ ‘He’s so desperate for Feyre and that’s whats driven him to this point.’ All I can think is, do we just collectively think Tamlin is immune to trauma??

To even grasp this situation you have to go way back before the book even starts. Tamlin was preyed on by the pedophile that helped ruin his childhood who then cursed him because he told her no.

He then had to watch all his close friends die in vain for him while he desperately searched for decades for another solution. He brought in refugees fleeing from other Courts. He. Carried. His. Dead. Citizens. And. Hand. Buried. Them. And he had to do it all without ever being able to fall apart.

The Feyre came along, and he learned to care for her. He didnt want her to just be used to break the curse because he didnt want to just be using her. He fell in love with a person that saw past the mask (both figuratively and literally) and allowed him a safe space. One that had long ago been stripped from him.

Then she was sexually assaulted, tortured and killed in front of him. He watched the love of his life die for him and he was completely unable to do anything about it.

Then he was given another chance to protect her and he took it. Granted this is not to excuse his actions, but there has to be some nuance given to the fact that he watched her literally die and was by the grace of God given another chance.

Then this same girl that he loved and desperately wanted to protect from the same thing happening again, was kidnapped. This same woman then tricked him into believing she had once again been raped by the same monster who assaulted her under the mountain and killed his family.

The very same woman then mind raped his sentries, his friends, and then proceeded to destroy his Court which he had spent decades trying everything in his power to protect, from the inside out. Then allowed Hybern to rampage through, destroying a neighbouring Court in the process.

He had to watch his people die all over again, when Feyre lied to him, he saw her dying under the mountain all over again. And he still went to war! He was spying on Hybern and gave over vital information about them to the High lords!

Then he dragged Beron out by his neck to fight for Prythian.

And when all was said and done he helped bring back the monster that had destroyed him mentally all for the sake of the girl that had killed his people.

Then he left them all alone in the end. Spring was abandoned and him along with it. This man, who very clearly has abandonment issues from the fact he was rejected by his family and beat within an inch of his life to the point he ran from home to the War Camps, was left completely by himself.

Lucien does come to see him once every now and again, but I also don’t blame Tamlin for not wanting him too. Considering even though Lucien had extremely valid reasons for leaving when he did, he still left Spring for dead without an explanation.

In the end, it is not ‘Tamlin needs to get over himself and his ex’ its Tamlin needs an extreme amount of mental help. He is a survivor as much as the rest of them.

Not even Feyre was able to recover from her mental health without a ton of fucking help. No one was, everyone got their support groups in the end

Tamlin went through it all without ever taking himself into consideration and still made it. He deserves to be able to fall apart.

[bookish-whore]

Falling Part X

Azriel x Reader

Words: 3.5k

Warnings: Heavy Content (nightmares, SA Trauma, flashbacks)

A/N: After a long hiatus, IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!! If you’re new to this fic then welcome and if you are one of my og readers welcome back. I can’t thank you all enough for your support for this story and I am so ready to continue this journey. I hope you guys like it!! (also this one is definitely for the Lucien shippers ❤️)

My Masterlist -> Here

Falling Masterlist -> Here

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It had been months since Azriel came to the Day Court, but our conversation replayed on a continuous loop in my mind:

“Please don’t go y/n” he begged “Not like this please just- fuck I know how it seems but I have been honest, doesn’t that count for something? I know- I know I hurt you and I hurt Elain but If you just give me a chance, I can fix this, I can fix us.” “I can’t Az” I said, my own tears falling in tandem with his “maybe someday I can forgive you and we can move past this, but not right now” I made my way to the door, reaching for the knob to leave when his voice halted me. “I’m not giving up y/n” he said “I promise you; I don’t care how long it takes. Even if it takes an eternity, I am not giving up on this.”

I went over our last interaction constantly, the desperation in his eyes as I left him on his knees in that room. I felt confident in the moment but leaving him there didn’t make me feel better about any of this, about Elain or our situation. If anything it had left me more confused about what I wanted.

It had also been months since the incident, and I wasn’t sleeping. I found myself plagued by nightmares. No matter what I tried I would wake up every night in a cold sweat the sound of that voice ringing in my head.

“you’re a pretty little thing aren’t you?”

It was paralyzing, I knew that I was safe and in my own bed, but I could feel the chill of the night air as it sank into my bones, I could feel the rough texture of the alley as it scraped my back. I could smell the smoke and liquor on that male’s breath as he leaned in close to me.

“You can scream, but no one’s coming to save you”

I covered my ears, but I could still hear the distinct sound of him unbuckling his belt, the sound of fabric ripping and sliding. Every night I woke up to the feeling of being completely helpless.

But I wasn’t alone in my pain anymore.

I had my first nightmare after the meeting with Azriel and I remember three things distinctly: screaming, throwing the bedsheets off my body, and Lucien.

That night Lucien had heard my screams and barreled through the door ready to fight off an intruder only to find me curled in a ball on the floor at the foot of my bed.

He pulled me into him and didn’t let me go through it alone. He smoothed my hair from my face and let me cry into his chest while whispering words of encouragement in my ear, not that I was cognizant enough in that state to process he was even speaking.

It had become a habit, him holding me when I woke in that state. He would pick me up and tuck me into bed seating himself beside me. I would lean my head on his shoulder, and he would gently ask me If I wanted to talk about it and the times I said no, He would distract me with stories to make me feel better.

He told me about how Feyre was when she came back from under the mountain, that she would have nightmares every night about what she had done to those faeries and he told me he often wondered how Tamlin did nothing when her pain was so loud she was practically screaming to be heard, to be felt, to be understood and he told me how he was so grateful to Rhysand for bringing her back to life. During these conversations he would often tell me that if she could become who she is now out of what she endured that I too would survive and come out of this all stronger than ever.

There were also times when he thought I was asleep that he told me about his own demons, about Jesminda and his family, about lying to Feyre when she first arrived in the Spring Court, and his regret helping Tamlin align himself with Hybern for selfish reasons and how he wished he could explain that to Elain, to Nesta, how he just wanted a chance to apologize.

Lucien had become my savior and he never let me be alone, he was bringing me back to life, whether or not he knew it.

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Today was a late morning, the kind that followed a rough night of shit sleep because the same tired nightmares kept me awake, but Lucien’s calming presence was keeping me sane, he rarely slept in his own bed these days. I stretched out my limbs careful not to wake him beside me and rubbed the sleep from my eyes sitting up to appreciate the day.

It was springtime now and the Day Court was in full bloom, the vibrant colors exploding on every surface as the flowers blossomed, their aroma constantly wafting through the halls, the entangled scents of lavender, gardenia, Hyacinth, Peony and gods knows what else was constantly invading my senses.

Lucien stretched out next to me, making that small little noise in his throat he makes every morning when he wakes up.

“Good morning” I said softly

“Mhmm” he muttered into his pillow; I had learned that despite his consistently friendly demeanor Lucien Vanserra was not a morning person.

“So, what’s on the agenda today” I asked, gently hitting him with a pillow to rouse him faster.

Lucien turned over, sitting up and grabbing the pillow from my grip “Well…” he drawled out with a yawn “I was thinking we could go to the equinox festival.”

“What is that?” I asked.

“Well, you would probably know it as Starfall but it’s a weeklong endeavor here and everyone really goes all out. I mean there are markets and live music and food stalls everywhere. It’s truly a celebration and I think it would be fun.”

“Oh gods- It’s already Starfall?” I asked; my voice much smaller than I intended it to be, Lucien knew that it was one of my favorite celebrations in the Night Court and the thought that I wouldn’t be participating in it this year brought tears to my eyes, but I swiped them before he could see.

“I know how much it hurts not to be there” Lucien said pressing his forehead to mine as he grabbed my hand, interlocking our fingers as his thumb drew circles on the back of it.

“New traditions right” I said softly, reiterating our agreement to work towards moving forward despite our pain.

“Right” he agreed.

“This equinox festival…it sounds like exactly what I need.”

Lucien flashed me a smile, before getting out of bed and pulling on his slippers and dressing robe.

“I’ll meet you downstairs for a late breakfast in an hour?” he asked “Then we can head into town and do some shopping.”

“Only if those lemon blueberry muffins are involved.”

“I will personally see to it.” He said with a smile.

“Then it’s a deal, see you soon Vanserra.”

He made his way to my side of the bed and pressed a kiss to the top of my head before quietly making his way to his own rooms.  

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I took my time getting ready, enjoying the warm bath and soothing salts. I only got out because the water was tepid, and I was hungry. I chose a simple green dress for our outing, it was short sleeved with a flowy skirt that was decorated with floral embroidery, it reminded me of the things I loved about springtime: the way the flowers bloomed, the way the sun shined, the way the birds sang, it reminded me of new beginnings, and I needed that kind of thinking today. I slipped on my everyday boots and pulled my hair into a braid securing it with a ribbon to keep it out of my face during the day and I made my way downstairs.

Lucien was wearing what he usually did, a simple pair of linen pants and a sleeveless vest brocaded with intricate swirling patterns, today it was gold and green. I smirked at his choice because we were practically matching. I had to admit that the green really brought out the color of his eyes, the russet one in stark contrast to the gold mechanical one that was always subtly watching, the green also brought out the fiery orange of his hair, which he had in a loose knot at the back of his head.

I turned sharply at the stairs to make my way to the dining room when Lucien gently grabbed my arm.

“I figured since we were already having a late start that we could make a day of this.”

“How so?”

“Well…” He winnowed away and appeared a moment later holding a large wicker basket “I figured we could set off to the town, taking the scenic route of course, and that we could stop by Larimar Lake to have lunch.”

I went silent, mostly because I was taken aback at the quick planning and his attention to detail. I had just mentioned last week how much I loved that lake and how I wished I could find time to visit more.

“I think that’s a great idea” I said interlocking my arm with his as we began our journey.

We walked towards the stables talking about nothing really, the weather, the flowers and our excitement for the day.

I saw the horses saddled and ready to go. Helion had gifted me Adira, she was a beautiful black mare with a thick wavy mane, she was good tempered and docile. I had taken up riding a few weeks upon arriving as a hobby and had immediately bonded with her and Helion had seen that, He gifted her to me a few days later and we had spent countless hours together. Next to her was Arion, he was Lucien’s horse a chestnut stallion, he was larger than Adira, but they got along well. The stable hands had prepped them both and were waiting for us in front of the stable. Lucien helped me get on Adira first, making sure I was settled comfortably with the reigns and secured the basket to my saddle bag before mounting Arion with ease. With a click of his tongue, both horses began at a slow pace up the winding road towards the lake.

It had been maybe two hours into our ride when we approached the lake, I could smell the water long before I saw it. It was a sight to behold. I remember Lucien told me the first time we came here that they called it Larimar Lake after a crystal of the same name that is a dazzling sparkling blue, according to an old wives tale, when the mother created Prythian she left the crystals to grow in the lake which is how it got its magnificent blue color.

I swung my leg over Adira, jumping off her onto the soft ground below and handed the reigns to Lucien who took them both to a nearby stream and secured them to a tree. He picked a spot close to the lake on a grassy patch and began setting up. He started by putting down a large blanket and setting out the contents of the basket he brought. I however had other ideas.

I quickly took off my boots discarding them and my socks near the blanket Lucien had set up and made my way to the lakes edge. I just wanted to feel the cool water on my skin, as I looked out over its vast depths I couldn’t help but admire the way the sun glittered on the surface like crystal. This- this felt like an integral part of healing, being able to see the beauty in a world that had wronged me so badly.

As I stood barefoot on the sand, letting the delicate waves wash over my feet and up to my ankles. I tipped my head back soaking in the sun’s gentle warmth.

And for a brief moment, everything else slipped away.

And I was…happy

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She was a sight for sore eyes.

I had that thought earlier when she came downstairs in that green dress. I loved her in green, the way it complimented her eyes and the perfect tone of her skin. Y/n looked good in everything but oh gods did she look radiant today.

Our relationship was complicated to say the least. In the last few months all of our time has been spent together. I mean I practically lived in her bedroom returning to my own only for a change of clothes. I also found myself craving the comfort of her presence, the way she laughed, and I mean really laughed from deep in her chest which was becoming more and more common; or the way she clung to me after her nightmares, I even found it hard to fall asleep without the steady soft snoring she did when she fell into a deep sleep.

I felt guilty for developing these feelings for her. Especially when I knew what she endured, when I knew what haunted her, the demons she was avoiding that came for her at night, I held her while she screamed and thrashed and cried and I lulled her to sleep with various stories I thought she would like. Stories that would distract her from her pain, and when I couldn’t think of any, I shared my own pain, to show her that I understood to some extent what she was going through.

I seemed to be the only person she could trust right now, and I valued that more than anything. I would never do anything to jeopardize that, but I couldn’t help but have these feelings for her. Not all the time but there were moments and I wonder if she felt them too. I don’t know exactly when it started but maybe they were always there.

I reminded myself constantly that she wasn’t ready to consider a life without Azriel, he was her mate and he would always have a hold on her life the same way Elain seemed to have a hold on mine, but I also knew that over time the mating bond felt like a headache, a dull pain that would come every once in a while as a sullen reminder of a life that could have been, but one that isn’t a reality and how could I think of what could have been when she was here and she looked so perfect, barefoot with her face angled to the sun.

Here on the lake, she was alive, and she was vibrant, and she was beautiful. Here on the lake, there was no trace of the broken woman I found that night curled into herself, no inkling of doubt, or despair, or pain. I wish I could keep her like this. In fact, I would resign myself to loving her in the shadows so long as she was happy.

I brought myself back to reality at the soft sound of her padding over and plopping herself on the blanket.

“Thank the mother, I am starving” she said grabbing one of the lemon blueberry muffins she requested, as well as various berries and popping them into her mouth

“When are you not?” I teased handing her a plate of all her favorites and a glass of wine.

“Very funny Vanserra” she said grabbing the glass and taking a sip.

“So how far out are we from the town?” she asked after a while.

“Mmmm” I took a sip of my wine “I would say another two hours or so to Illmire”

She nodded, a sly smile crossing her face as she tossed a blueberry at me. I made sure to feign a disappointing smirk at her as it bounced off my forehead and into the grass.

She saw right through it, she always did.

“So, we have a little time?” she asked

“That depends on what you have in mind.”

“I just want to enjoy this a little longer.”

“Okay, I’ll be right here.”

Her face morphed into a frown.

“What?” I asked.

“I want you to come with me.”

“Absolutely not” I said firmly “I have to pack this up and get the horses ready”

“You can spare a few minutes” she pleaded tugging my hand softly “Come on Lucien…come lay in the sun with me.”

I rolled my eyes, getting up from my position to follow her to the water’s edge, and I followed her lead, laying out on the sandy beach letting the sun warm my face.

I looked over at her, her eyes closed as she simply soaked in the sun on her face, letting the cool water gently touch her feet before receding.

If she only knew, I would do anything for her.

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I was surprised Lucien indulged me for as long as he did.

After a while he stood, pulling me up with him and made his way to the blanket, packing away the containers and folding the linens. He piled everything into the bags and secured them to Arion’s side.

I stood in anticipation, fiddling with my hands.

“Go” he said with a smile “I know you want to.”

“you’re the best” I said pressing a kiss to his cheek as I turned and ran towards the water, I pulled my dress over my head and dove in wearing just my undergarments. The water was so clear and cool. I submerged my head, diving to the bottom to look up at the sky through the water. I loved the way the sun reflected off the surface. I came up for air and floated there with my arms outstretched.

Lucien chuckled as he approached with a towel.

“Don’t worry…I planned accordingly.”

“You know me so well” I shouted.

“Take your time” he said “but there are some clouds rolling in from the north, looks like a storm.”

“Help me out?” I asked gesturing my head to the towel in his hands.

Lucien unrolled it, holding it out for me. I walked right into his arms, and he bundled it around me.

“You ready to go?” he asked

“Mhmmm” I nodded toweling my body dry and putting my dress back on, I had to re-braid my hair but it was definitely worth it.

Lucien helped me back into the saddle and we were off to Illmire.

He was right, it was about two hours, but as soon as we got into town the skies opened up and it started pouring. The townsfolk were all scrambling into shops and taverns to get out of the rain, I didn’t mind it so much and neither did Lucien but we made haste to the inn.

The innkeeper’s name was Rasmus and he was a sweet old man, he immediately took Adira and Arion to the stables and set them up for the night. Not to mention he recognized Lucien immediately and refused to let us pay for a room, he even insisted on bringing us dinner later, which worked out because the storm only worsened.

It looked like we were staying the night.

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Taglist (Falling) ->

@moonfawnx @we-were-beautiful @96jnie @frgman-sins @fromdelos @goldentournesol @ruler-of-hades @mrs-azriel @feyretopia @daily-dose-of-sass @mulansaucey @owllover123 @redbleedingrose @hollyismentallyillhelp @famousbasementpainter @marigold-morelli @aelinismyqueen @elizarikaallen @clueless-gold @starrstrucked @em---r @bankerfrog @strawbwebbie @morks-watermelon @kristalhi @lolabell0556 @intrxde @aubreylovesthegames @xxoverthinkerxx @caosfanblr @mis-lil-red @haswellington @wolfyland07 @answer-the-sirens @kaz-2y567 @judig92 @esposadomd @violet-shadows @meghan52300 @biblophilefox82 @issybee0611 @writingsbychlo @katherinereid @baarishkiboond @hernameispia @positivewitch @dragonqueeneliza @minipiglover

[decadentpostnachos-evil-twin]

This is why you can't have a discussion nowadays. People's narrative being "My opinion is the only opinion, Idc what you say you are wrong."

Bitch Honey, if you can't deal with someone else's opinion, maybe don't post shit in the internet for everyone to see.

You can't put up with morally dark characters who are actually morally dark and not trying to justify their actions.

Besides, the worst thing we actively see Eris do in all of the books is saying that Morrigan dresses like a slut and calling Cassian some slurs. Plus we know that he left Morrigan at the border without touching her (what was he supposed to do, take her to Beron? Srsly, use your brains people. Please.)

None of these things were nice.

But how does this in any way compare to slaughtering a whole village of people for revenge (Cassian)?

Or better yet, to leave a head on a spike in the garden of someone else for shits and giggles, be a ruler for centuries and yet not manage to stop women in your territory from being mutiliated, even though you call yourself the "most powerful High Lord to ever rule" or some shit. Or SA your apparent future wife, also just for fun because he could have left Feyre in the cell in acotar and no one would have given two shits except for Tamlin and Lucien who would have been worried for her. Stealing millenia old artifacts. Threatening to kill everyone who doesn't share your opinion, constantly and therefore jeopardizing an alliance against the main enemy. Keeping mass destruction weapons in your posession without telling anyone outside of your "family" about it. Misusing your wife and mate as a breeder and not even informing her about the fact that she will likely die in childbirth, instead leaving your sister in law to sacrifice the brunt of her own magic to safe her sister. Belittling a man dealing with heavy depression and PTSD for really no apparent reason other than your own petiness, telling him he should kill himself when he's at his lowest AFTER he saved your mates life, your life and essentially turned the tide in a war. And I could go on.

How are the narrative and part of the fandom able to find excuses for Rhysand's fucked up behaviour over and over and paint him the misunderstood hero, but Eris is evil incarnate because he did what again? Left Morrigan at the border, most likely knowing she would be found and taken care of (at the ripe age of...very much younger than her, too, mathematics say) and called Cassian a brute.

"Good to know that after five hundred years, you still dress like a slut." -Eris in acowar to Morrigan. This is him saying she dresses like a slut. Not calling her one.

I'm not trying to make excuses for Eris here. He's an asshole, I'm aware of it, and the absolute majority of his stans are aware of it. But that's about it. So if you make some post about "abusive men", and include Tamlin and Eris, then reflect on what fucked up shit your favs did. Because if saying someone dresses like a slut and leaving her lying around injured but untouched by you (when you have no responsibility for her state at all) is horrible and abusive, I'd like to know what you would call all the shit Rhysand pulled.

On the other hand, I'd like to say something about Neris shippers being racist, because I don't see how? I could honestly care less for how Cassian looks or his ethnicity, this is about him having literally no backbone and treating Nesta like shit throughout acosf when she was clearly not in a good place, mentally. If y'all wanna be degraded for having ugly trauma I can't help you. I liked Nessian in acowar, they had potential. But acosf? Nah.

[bookofmirth]

i know fandom drama is always talked about to death and i'm probably not adding anything new to the discussion, but i feel like the way this fandom treats lucien and mor in comparison to elain and nesta and azriel is very representative of white feminism. i'm growing very tired of fandom discussions that center around uplifting elain and nesta because of girlboss feminism and azriel - their favorite bland man to project a personality onto - while ignoring the struggles of non-white, non-straight characters who are also victims of abuse.

sooo many people in this fandom fall back on choice feminism when discussing nesta and elain - like if you don't support their "choices" (despite being fictional characters with no agency of their own), you don't support women's choices, and thus you are a bad feminist. not only is this a logical fallacy, but it also doesn't allow female characters to be multi-dimensional, to make bad choices, to not just be morally "good" all the time. idk if this happens with feyre too or not, but most discourse i see is around nesta and elain.

whenever certain people in this fandom see sympathetic discussions of lucien and hopes for him to have a happy ending (sometimes with elain, sometimes not), they complain that you care more about a man than a woman that he "inflicted trauma on." they only see the social divide in terms of gender, never examining how race also plays a role in the struggles lucien has faced - never even considering that a male poc could also experience abuse at the hands of tamlin and his family. and so many people hate mor for not being a "girl's girl" towards nesta, because they believe feminism is only about women uplifting women, never considering the way that mor's past struggles with abuse because of her gender and sexual orientation have shaped her to be wary of people that are (in her eyes) unnecessarily cruel.

i do recognize that the feminism in sjm's books is fairly basic, so maybe that's to blame, but it's unfortunate the fandom can't take a more intersectional approach

Anon, I totally agree. Have you read @gimme-mor's posts about this? She did a great job of outlining some of the issues with the ways people talk about female characters in the fandom, and the surface-level feminism that is used in this post and in this one.

It makes sense that the fandom would engage with discussions of privilege and gender (and race and class etc.) on a rather surface level, since, as you pointed out, the flavor of feminism that is featured in the series is very focused on gender and rarely takes other identities, marginalized or otherwise, into account. It's #girlpower with no thought about individual differences that those women might be experiencing that actually have a huge impact on what "choices" each of them can make.

With Lucien, there is also the issue of his disability, but it's quite easy to dismiss him as a villain when all people are looking at is his maleness. It's not as simple as "woman = good" and "man = bad", but that's how people act.

The fact is, none of these characters have a choice because they aren't real people, as you also pointed out. There is no such thing as supporting a fictional person's rights because those rights literally don't exist. They do not have agency or autonomy or.... literal fucking existence in the real world, and so it's absolute malarkey to act like we need to be respectful of a fictional character, and to bully and shit on a real person in doing so.

I remember when I said that Elain is privileged it pissed some people off, but I think that also comes down to a misunderstanding of what privilege actually is, hand-in-hand with this Feminism Lite. There are a lot of great potential conversations to be had about these characters and the world they live in and how they interact with one another, the ways in which they are limited or have access to power, but it's kinda hard when people are more concerned about being right in the ship war.

[hek4te-x]

I'd love to know more about your take on Tamlin. I wouln't say I love him, he's done a lot of stupid shit. But I don't think he's as bad as people make him out to be. He's just a bit dumb sometimes lol.

Ohohoho, this is fun. (Edit after writing: sorry, it got really long, I didn't even get to the part where I talked about the tithe and the rest.)

I guess most of my liking for him comes from the fact that he was a character that was screwed up by S/JM. We all know the bad shit he has done to Feyre, locking her up, slut shaming her, etc, but then I remember Tamlin from the first book and he seems like a completely different character from the rest of the books.

He was retconed SO MANY TIMES.

He did offer to help Feyre to read and write, but that dumb bitch refuses rudely every single time claiming she didn't need his help. Tamlin sent her away when he thought she would be in harms way after he hadn't managed to get her to love him too, but she went UTM out of her free accord. He did try to help Feyre at UTM even after being sliced open with ash wood and bleeding all over the carpet and being week, with her understanding he couldn't do a lot, just for her, a book later, say he didn't help.

People love to bring up the way he acted UTM when than man was being watched and harassed every single second of every day, there wasn't a way for him to help Feyre without being killed or getting her killed too. So he sent Lucien, who he knew would be able to get to her. People forget that Rhysand spent 50 years gaining some sense of thrust from Amarantha to act so freely with his time.

No one talks about how he probably, and very realistically, was also super fucking traumatized by his life and what had happened UTM. He love Feyre. He watched her being demeaned and defiled every day by a man he shared history with. Watched her die. All the while not being able to do anything or he'd risk her safety too. It isn't far off to see why he thought that she was better safe locked up then out there to the shit storm that exists outside. What he did was messed up, but he thought it was the only way.

Then we all know how suddenly he became irredeemable on the later books bc S/JM has the habit of showing you explicitly who you should like and who you should hate. Oh, Rhys? You should like him, look at his tragic past and trauma that made him act like a dick to everyone and feel entitled. Oh, Tamlin? No no, you should hate him, look at his tragic past and trauma that made him act like a dick to everyone and feel entitled.

Rhys has done worse to Feyre than Tamlin, but it is ok because at the end of the day it was all justified. Him using her as a sex symbol was justified bc he did what he had to do. Him hiding her own high-risk pregnancy that would certainly kill her was justified bc he did what he had to. Him locking the IC inside Velaris at the risk it would be exposed if they left was fine bc it was justified. Him threatening to kill Nesta after she revealed to Feyre abt the pregnancy is ok, I guess bc he was angry.

Tamlin and Rhysand have almost done the same things. The difference is, Tamlin's actions weren't justified via a 6 page text block telling detail after detail how his life sucked ass.

[tunedtostatic]

I've been rifling through my rewatch thoughts about Astrid all day and I was going to make a joke about "no one needs me to contribute a post about Astrid being an interesting depiction of a victim of abuse when it has been written about" but fuck it, no such thing as too much Astrid, in this essay I will. I think if you ask "What makes Astrid compelling," most people will indeed say something about her being a depiction of many years of abuse, especially since she's a bad victim (in the sense of being too compliant with her abuser, not being too loud and crazy).

Part of what makes her a compelling depiction of someone who has been abused for many years is the way Mercer portrays her ability to think multiple things at one. It's not a binary where the way Trent messed with her head didn't work and she's secretly a good guy, or she's evil without his coercion and believes everything she says about protecting the Empire. She's just having to do what people in abusive situations do, and keep multiple levels of thought and consciousness going at once, feeling some degree of support for Trent in part of her mind while knowing what's happening in another part.

When Caleb shows up at Astrid's house, she's been trapped by their abuser for nearly twenty years. She tortures and murders for the Dwendalian Empire and she both does and doesn't know that what she does as a scourger is horrific. She tells Caleb that she thinks of the faces of the people she's killed and laments, and in the same conversation she tells him that what she does prevents terrible things from happening and protects innocent people like they used to be. She conveys to him that she wants to kill Trent. She conveys to him that she wants to take Trent's place.

Being a d&d wizard is about knowledge. The wizard plotlines in cr2 are epistemic, focused on what can be known, remembered, realized and discovered: Trent and the scourgers, Vess and the ancient knowledge she uses Lucien to try to harness, Essek, and even Yussa and his focus on Who You Know.

Many popular narratives of abuse are also about knowledge. "Knowing" is conflated with "escaping:" the abuse victim is too naive to realize they are being abused, and if they had that knowledge, surely their next step would be escape. Surely abuse is a fluke, and a strong person will always be able to get away.

"A Volstrucker has never disentangled from Trent before. No one who knows what he does, how he breaks us, has shared their trauma with the world. With the king. Imagine the threat you are to him now that you carry respect of both crown and Kryn. So yes, he's invested."

Astrid knows. She knows the nature of what Trent has done to them. She knows what outsiders would think about Trent's abuse if they were to hear about it from someone they respect. The knowledge alone is not enough to save her.

The horrific abuse of the scourgers is administrated by Trent but enabled by their world. Margolin sends the Blumendrei to Trent. Their professors ignore the bandages on their arms. Ludinus is looking the other way. If a powerful "good" person were to know what Trent has done, that would also mean knowing what his scourgers have done, and who, they must wonder, would be willing to help them then?

Astrid knows she does not have the recourse of that respect from the Crown. She knows she does not have powerful allies to protect her from Trent if she were to run away. At their first meeting, all it takes is for Caleb to express open anger at their abuser - and accuse her of not understanding what he does - for her to tell him her own recourse.

LIAM: "I, um…I'm sorry. I will…never forget what we were. And…even now, all these years later, I can't shake it, I still, care a great deal…about you. At least…the girl I knew. But…he has blinded you. You and Wulf and all of his little helpers. And I mourn our childhood, and our souls." MATT: She reaches up, puts her hand on your knee. "I understand your anger. And as much as…he's been our teacher, he's not infallible. He's just an old man, with the right connections, who will one day pass, like they all do." LIAM: "You always were ambitious." MATT: "So are you, apparently, Bren. Like I said. I'm proud of you."

Her frame of reference for Bren is "also ambitious, also a victim," and she trusts him to understand how ambition and safety are the same thing for her. Astrid's hell and Caleb's hell have been so different for the last decade and a half that he misreads the situation in a single line - you always were ambitious - and throws her under the bus at the dinner party, taking her ambition as a cue to see her as less endangered, or less salvageable.

Both their horrible wizard goals - turning back time or becoming an archmage of the Cerberus Assembly - are the multiple of power as safety. Caleb hasn't realized that his own desire to bend reality to his will to save his parents is hubris, so he can't do the math backwards and realize that Astrid's ambition is {her way of saving Eadwulf and herself; her own way of responding to the death of her parents; a desire for magic and power that is inseparable from both of those things}. Like...it's open to interpretation, but I think the answer to "Does Astrid also have evil unsympathetic ignoble desire for power?" is that "also" isn't the right word. Power is magic is safety is a reward for her suffering, and Astrid's ambition, like everything else in her life, means many things at once.

Trent chose to abuse the scourgers and their world chose to let him. Astrid survives Trent for over a decade and a half, helps the Mighty Nein, and saves them in Nicodranas. For Caleb? As a maneuver to save herself? That also might be a question with more than one answer. I don't have a conclusion to this other than hats off to this coerced evil wizard for being an interesting depiction of strength in extremis, figuring out how to know multiple things at once when even her magic isn't her own and hang on all that time.

[writingsbychlo]

Okay so I agree with almost everything you said about Tamlin-

I don’t think what happened with Rhys’ family was entirely an accident (I could be remembering wrong and can go check in the books and will happily admit that I was wrong if I am-)

But like.. Tamlin obviously knew how his dad and brothers were when he told them about Rhys’ location. He knew that Rhys was seen as a threat. I don’t think he wanted to kill Rhys’ mom and sister, but I don’t believe he was doing much to stop it either. I don’t like that when they were UTM he used his one free moment alone with Feyre to try and fuck her. I realize that trying to get her out of there would’ve just ended worse for everyone involved but damn dude, could’ve talked to her or something before trying to fuck-

I did like Tamlin before the mountain (I don’t understand how Feyre fell in love with him when Lucien was right there-) , didn’t love him in acomaf, but also I tried to keep in mind that he was only used to toxic masculinity. It gave me strong Elsa vibes ngl, “conceal don’t feel”. He didn’t know anything else. And after going through fifty years of trauma he didn’t want to make a billion different changes for himself or his court. He wanted things to go back to how they were before Amarantha said “fuck everyone else this male hurt my feelings”

He didn’t deserve for Feyre to destroy his court, he didn’t deserve for her to manipulate him into believing Lucien (his only friend and LUCIENS ONLY FRIEND THAT SAVED HIM FROM HIS ABUSIVE FAMILY-) was betraying him or trying to steal her away. I lost a lot of respect for Feyre when she did all of that in acowar- and also, I don’t like that she used Lucien and Elains mating bond as a pawn in her schemes- I know it wasn’t acknowledged by Elain yet or whatever but knowing how the mating bond can drive people to insanity if their mate is in danger, it was a shitty thing to do to Lucien and I don’t think he deserved that.

He was trying to help Feyre the best he could without directly saying fuck you to the guy who saved him when his brothers were trying to murder him, the guy who took him in when he had no one else-

All this is to say that I agree wholeheartedly that none of the characters are perfect, I don’t think that Tamlins role in Rhys’ family dying was a complete accident but I do think that saving Feyre when she rescued Elain from Hybern and then saving Rhys should be enough to set up a redemption arc for Tamlin because bro deserves it- and I hate how Feyre had to drag Lucien into it all because my baby didn’t deserve that at all-

And if I was in Feyres position I probably would’ve just committed minor vandalism (she could’ve just destroyed his favorite room in the manor, idk-) and told everyone Tamlin had a small dick and moved on 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sorry for the long rant, and I hope I didn’t offend anyone- it just irritates me that like 90% of the fandom is like “yaaaasssss queen 💅” when a queen wouldn’t have acted that way and if Tamlin had set out to intentionally destroy Feyres life like that, everyone would be rioting-

Justice for Tamlin and Lucien please

maybe it wasn’t an accident, it would track! I don’t know, I can barely remember that part of the books honestly 💀 as for lucien, yes I agree about that too! feyre did him diiiiiirty. justice for both of them 😩

[foxounderscorecube]

A Court of Frost and Starlight - Sarah J. Maas

2½ ⭐

CW: mention and brief discussion of SA

Sadly, this one was a total miss for me!! It was a book. I read it.

Here's the thing: I really like this series overall, but there's a lot about it that I am not a big fan of. Typically, the stuff I find interesting and fun outweighs the stuff I find cringe in a not-fun way or just not relevant to my preferences. Because this book is kind of a slice-of-life, tying loose ends kind of thing, it was, like, 90% the stuff I don't care for and 10% the characters being cute and celebrating Christmas Winter Solstice. Worst of all, it bored me!

I don't have anything against slice-of-life, but for the characters in these books, a LOT of day-to-day life is spent being horny. I just don't really get it. Rhysand is the worst for it. That man can't go five minutes without getting a raging boner because he glanced at Feyre out the corner of his eye.

You know, for a series with the effects of trauma as one of its primary themes, Rhysand only really tells us that he's traumatised from being a sex slave for 49 years. I'm not saying that his horniness contradicts his trauma in itself - plenty of people who have experienced abuse become hypersexual, in fact - but he generally doesn't show any indication whatsoever that it's impacted his relationship with his body and/or sex. You'd expect, say, a scene where something that should be innocuous - a phrase or a position or way of movement - completely takes him out of it and he has to stop because he's panicking. Not just in this book, I mean, just in general. I know that Rhysand is supposed to be a Wish Fulfilment Boyfriend but the guy's been through hell.

Related to that, but on a positive note, it was sad to see Nesta so isolated and coping so badly, but how very Nesta of her. Of course she doesn't want help or love or anything like that. I am looking forward to seeing her development in the next book, at least.

However, we've already put a damper on her relationship with Cassian. I'll admit, I adored their dynamic in Wings and Ruin - her spikiness that didn't hide the fact that she'd grown so fond of him, and him teasing her about it, it was all so cute. But then Cassian trailing her home when she told him to fuck off? My guy, I get you're worried, but take no for an answer. Don't be a creep. And throwing her Solstice present in the river out of rage was a BIG ick. I hope that's a one-off and he doesn't get all possessive and weird in the next book but I'm not holding my breath because I think the possessiveness might be intended to be hot?

Part of why I think this is because of that sex scene, which was bizarre. They had sex but then they also had sex with their minds? Double sex? And then Feyre showed him a picture of their future son right before he nutted???????????? Surely that'd be off-putting, right? Like, oh, great, I was about to cum, but you showed me a picture of a kid and now I feel a bit uncomfortable, actually.

Sadly, very little Lucien in this book. I like Lucien :(

The art studio story arc was sweet, although it did feel like it fell into Feyre's lap a little too easily, I don't know. She's always a bit of a Mary Sue but it was hard to ignore in this book. She has more money than God and people are just like "oh my dear High Lady, please take everything I own for free". Still, I liked Ressina and I think the whole thing of free art therapy for the kids is nice.

The multiple POV didn't play to Maas' strengths at all. The characters all have distinctive voices in dialogue, but she clearly can't write from their perspective consistently, so instead we get first-person chapters for Feyre and Rhysand (who have almost identical internal monologues - the only difference is Rhysand thinks about sex a bit more and describes himself as "drawling" more often) and then third-person for everyone else. When the first Cassian chapter came up, I thought he was just referring to himself in the third person like a caveman and didn't even bat an eye, so that was funny, at least. But it's a shame, because there was the opportunity for us to get a more intimate look at the side characters and we just… didn't. Multiple POV isn't something that often works for me - it usually reminds me of bad fanfic I read growing up - but it can be done well and this would have been a nice book to have that mix of personality put into it.

Highlights of this book were the Illyrian warrior snowball fight and the discussion about how none of them can be trusted not to investigate wrapped presents like excitable children. That was very cute. I do hope that Silver Flames is an improvement.

[notproofread]

so i finished a court of wings and ruin

man i have so many thoughts i don't even know where to start but this time i made notes while reading so strap in because there is A LOT to say

i'll start with dearest Feyre darling because damn she is one hell of a main character and not in a good way.

The psychological warfare at the beginning of the book? So cool, especially when she was working against ianthe and the hybern-Siblings because it really felt like her feelings towards them were truly justified and the pure dislike made it all the more satisfying when she won against them (especially ianthe that disgusting piece of shit i fucking hate her).

But i am not too much of a fan of the whole "let tamlin and lucien suffer" thing... Or more like her plan to rope in the whole spring Court and basically leave them to die at hyberns mercy very cool feyre you totally are morally superior

actually it kinda feels like she is taking the moral high ground over EVERYONE which... idk girly you are not exactly perfect and flawless either

also ummmm why is the first thing she and rhys do after being re-uinted fukcing? what about your oh so important sisters bestie... i am actually disgusted

after feyre arrives in the night court again she seems off somehow. there is no focus to her character, she is all over the place even. her part in the spring court was so clear, thoughtful and she had a goal. now that she is back in the night court it feels like a lot of building up (but it is rather boring lol)

alsoi need her to stop meddling with other peoples romantic feelings and romantic interests you don't have to force everyone into a relationship especially if they don't want to!!!!!!!

ALSO also start thinking about your actions before you do them. I'm tired of having to read about how she regrets something she did over and over again

the fact that she FORGETS her sisters????? FORGET??? A HUMAN BEING??? HELOO?? especially elain??? wtf how are you not worried to death about your starving, grieving, lovesick, maybe probably traumatized sister(s)???

and besides why does she think so ill of nesta? wow she is smiling? omg i thought she was made of stone?!?!!? (this is sarcasm btw) she says its an "eternal shock" for her to see nesta almost smile wtf she is still your sister that went through trauma since childhood not a monster you found in the fucking woods

why is feyre happy for elain slowly overcoming her trauma but shocked at nesta? i smell favoritism

and AGAIN i hate that she doesn't like to hear/feel/see the consequences of her own actions. like i already said her actions aren't always justified and when she faces repercussions she blocks the images from her mind lol sure okay that's how growing as a character works

example: she starts arguments with other high lords, insults them and gets pissed when they insult back or not jump immediately to her proposition like babe... what did you expect?

im tired of feyre hoping/thinking that everyone will fold backwards for her and rhys. we know that what you are fighting for is right and important but other high lords do not. they are centuries old, ignorant bastards not everyone is a rhys or a tarquin or even a kallias. they will cause problems on purpose, get used to it please or at least stop being overdramatic at every insult they throw your way jesus

unfiltered thoughts after the weird mor-feyre-beef (??): FUCK THIS i am OVER it, i am OVER feyre what in the dumb fuck is this? mor just told you that she was angry with you because you lied to her and rhys and could have been captured or killed by hybern so feyre responds with confronting mor about her feelings ("lies" ok bitch) towards az and helion. what kind of a shit friend are you??? jesus fuck i hate her so much rn

no wtf wtf i cant believe that this is how feyre defends herself??? MORS (romantic) FEELINGS ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. YOU VANISHING ON HER AND LYING IS HER BUSINESS. STOP FUCKING MEDDLING WITH EVERYONES ROMANCES AND SORT OUT YOUR OWN FUCKING ISSUES

fuck off

[pancakefancake]

^me.

"Her stomach sank at the idea of Eris not taking care of himself. Someone needed to make sure he was doing both of those things."

WELL - Starting off right with a punch in the feels 🙃 Wonder who that person should be?? But also - just imagining the first she takes care of him and he just like MELTS instantly because what? softness? never heard of it. I keep having to remind myself that there is still angst to come and I am not ready to be hurt like that 🙃

Again - the IMAGERY 👏🏼

"..is not to leave the estate without an escort."

"And what am I then?" Lucien, bby. As always your witty dialogue is just 😍

"Lucien couldn't even imagine his brother so much as slightly raising his voice at his beloved mate." I AM SOFT. Ugh, soft Eris is so top tier.

"Eris said you loved horses."

"Because they do." 'BECAUSE THEY DO." I feel attacked. the actual swoon. Lucien playing matchmaker brings me so much stinkin joy - the sibling vibes.

"Eris frowned, not at her, but at the idea that she could ever see herself as such a burden."

Literally this entire exchange. It's perfect. It's witty and nuanced and alive. perfection. and "if his mate was annoyed with his brother, then he would choose her side." I love literally every single characterization that you give him. the devotion. the commitment. the partnership. the solidarity. LIVING FOR IT.

"little witch" need I say anything more? The way this nickname has me feeling all sorts of things is RIDICULOUS. I love love love them just getting the chance to chat and banter and be adorable. "but coming from him, it only felt sweet." Lil witch is FOND.

The way he remember everything she says?? cannot with you.

Pretty sure I pointed this out before with the hounds, but why is Eris and a sharp whistle so hot?? Why??

👏🏼the👏🏼sweetness👏🏼the👏🏼teasing👏🏼the👏🏼slow👏🏼burn👏🏼

"She noted how thick and strong the muscles were there." MA'AM.

UGH THE WAY HE ENCOURAGES HER TO PARTICIPATE AND SPEAK UP. I CANNOT.

the music 👌🏼

"Make sure to keep that kindness in your eyes." THE PARTNERSHIP. THE AFFECTION. SHE SEES HIM AND I AM NOT OKAY. Literally this entire thing. I love them interacting so fucking much. and the wit as always. incredible.

"I can destroy it even without your efforts."

"Then by all means..." 😉

The sass. but then the POWER. High Lord Eris, ladies and gentleman. I love him, your honor.

and the MORE POWER cause lil witch is a badass all on her own too. God, the two of them together are going to be unstoppable (until you write whatever devious plot you have in store for us.)

And all the touching?? the hand holding?? I am unwell. I need more, please.

"Without realizing what she was doing, she stepped forwared to brush some stray hair off his face and behind his ear." MA'AM. MA'AM. MA'AM. I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I was so totally prepared to feel this soft this early in the morning after getting basically no sleep at all.

"Smirked." "Pinched." "I will not forgive him for what he did to you. You should have given him your wrath." Okay - literally, excuse me. The adorableness and then straight into that absolute masterpiece of a sentence. The DEVOTION. The SUPPORT. Ugh. Eris is a ✨partner✨

The love he has for his court makes me want to weep. SJM just needs to let you write him from now on. I will accept no other characterizations.

Eris. that's it. that's the post. Eris. Eris verbalizing his gratitude. Eris being honest and vulnerable. Eris being THE high lord and top tier mate that he is. And literally anytime you put shit in italics it GETS me. "That" UGH You give him such depth and realism. He's gorgeous and wonderful and powerful and has so much potential but he's also so deeply flawed and the characterization of how much of his trauma he has internalized and turned towards himself and this clear display of envy is heartbreaking and breathtaking at the same time. I LOVE IT SO FUCKING MUCH.

"Eris couldn't stop his beaming from her words." Excuse me - a smiling Eris? I cannot.

"You will come with me? Because what did any of this matter if she didn't. Eris was starting to realize he couldn't do any of it without her."

Eris and his casual display of power has me weak.

"But she recognized Eris' scent and warmth immediately, stopping her from startling" uhm - THIS has me weak. I just - MA'AM.

"LITTLE WITCH"

"Eris whispered in her ear. 'Go back to sleep.'" Literally everything from this point forward has me in a goddamn chokehold. I am unwell. I want THIS. You are amazing and incredible and absolute blessing to this hellsite.

Gorgeous storytelling. Absolutely gorgeous. 1000/10 would recommend. I ❤️ you and I hope you're have a good week!

chapter xix – gust & flame

Eris Vanserra x Reader

Eris Vanserra has been a prisoner in his own home since the day he was born. He has done what he had to in order to survive and protect the few he loves. And he is playing the long game. Waiting, waiting, and waiting for the right time to make his move, to usurp his wicked father and become High Lord of Autumn Court. But things become even more complicated when a human girl drops into his life. Perhaps Eris can wait no longer to take his throne.

Word Count: 4,700+

masterlist

After the meeting of the High Lords, Y/N didn’t see Eris for quite some time. He was bogged down with his duties. And Y/N could only assume he was barely eating or sleeping with the amount of work he was dealing with. Her stomach sank at the idea of Eris not taking care of himself. Someone needed to make sure he was doing both of those things. 

However, Y/N’s usual schedule of breakfast, training, and library continued. 

But on this morning, Lucien came to her after training. 

“Would you like to go riding with me?” He asked as Y/N drank water. 

The Weapons Master had already exited the training grounds, leaving her exhausted and alone. Well, not really alone. For she had two of the smoke hounds as her guards and company still.

They now eyed Lucien wearily, not appreciating how close he was getting to their master's mate. 

But Y/N’s eyes beamed with the question. “Really?” 

Lucien tried not to tease her for being so excited. In actuality, he felt guilty for such a simple thing clearly bringing her such joy. If he had known that, he would’ve asked long ago. 

He studied her current state. “Yes, really. Perhaps you would like to change before doing so?”

Y/N looked down at herself. She was covered in mud and dirt. And what couldn’t be seen, but surely smelt, was the sweat she’d released from all her training. There was even a few cuts and scrapes across her hands and arms from little nicks she’d received while sparring. 

“Yes, perhaps I should clean myself up first…” Y/N mumbled as her face got hot with embarrassment. 

Half an hour later, Y/N appeared from her bedchambers freshly bathed. Her hair was still wet, but braided. And she wore a riding outfit that Lucien was sure the handmaidens had helped her pick out. 

“S-Sorry to keep you waiting,” Y/N quickly muttered, only able to look at the ground as she shut her bedchamber door behind her. 

“It wasn’t long at all,” Lucien tried to tell her. 

They hurried to the stables, which Y/N had no complaint about.

Two horses were already saddled and waiting for them when they reached the royal barn. A stableboy had both reigns in his hands. 

“What’s this?” Lucien asked, pointing to a bow and quiver of arrows strapped to one of the saddles. 

The stableboy seemed embarrassed and wouldn't look Lucien in the eye when he answered. “The High Lord demanded that Lady Y/N never go on horseback without at least two weapons on her saddle. I am just following orders, my lord.” 

Y/N smirked and stepped toward the horse that was now very obviously hers. It was a stark white gelding, covered in muscles, but held a kindness in his eyes as he greeted Y/N. 

“What’s his name?” Y/N asked the stableboy. 

“Aengus, my lady.” 

“Aengus,” Y/N muttered to the horse with a smile as she softly stroked his face. 

The stableboy cleared his throat awkwardly. “The High Lord also stated that Lady Y/N is not to leave the estate without an escort.” 

“And what am I then?” Lucien snapped. 

Y/N chuckled as she easily lifted into the saddle. “Lucien, don’t start.” Then she turned to the stableboy. “That is fine. But may they remain behind us?”

The stableboy looked relieved at having her support. “Yes, Lady Y/N. Only five will be joining you. They will meet you at the gates.” 

“And what is your name?” Y/N asked sweetly. 

“Cian, Lady Y/N.”

“Thank you, Cian. We will be seeing much more of each other now. Perhaps I can help you brush the horses after we return.” 

He smiled and bowed his head. “Of course, Lady Y/N.” 

She leaned down to stroke Aengus’ neck. “Ready for some fun?” She whispered. 

The white gelding neighed happily and stomped his feet, proving just how ready he was. 

Y/N turned to Lucien, “They will learn quickly that they need to keep up.”

And then she whistled, signaling Aengus to make his escape. The horse quickly jolted into a gallop out of the gates.

It only took Lucien a second or two to follow, but even that made him fall far behind. 

He hoped Eris didn’t hear about this little stunt, because it would be him that he reprimanded. Cauldron knew Eris would never scold Y/N for anything. Lucien couldn’t even imagine his brother so much as slightly raising his voice at his beloved mate. 

——

Hayley looked to the right to see one of their Autumn guards 50 yards or so off to the side of them. A guard was placed the same distance in all directions of them, putting her and Lucien in their perimeter of safety. If anyone sought to hurt them, they’d have to go through one of the guards before ever reaching them. 

Y/N and Lucien slowed their horses to a brisk walk. 

“How did you know I would want to go on a ride?” She asked. 

Lucien smirked. “Eris said you love horses.” 

“I said that to him once, in passing, when he was still but a stranger.” Y/N shook her head. “Yet he remembers all my words as if they hold such weight.” 

“Because they do,” Lucien countered. 

Y/N ignored him. 

“You know, if you let him get to know you more, he could remember more than just the things you say in passing…”

Y/N’s head whipped around to glare him. “Really? You of all people want to make such comments to me? You flee from your mate every chance you get.” 

“That is not fair and you know it, Y/N. I tried with Elaine more times than I can count – far before you ever joined our ranks, might I add. She wants nothing with me.” 

“And perhaps that is her right,” Y/N growled. 

Lucien cocked an eyebrow. “That wasn’t your tune when you were unaware of having your own mate…” 

Y/N halted her horse to glare into his eyes. 

And he couldn’t help but feel guilty when she did it. 

“Stay out of it, Lucien.” She grumbled before whistling, signaling Aengus into a gallop back to the Forest House. 

Their fun had been ruined, all thanks to Lucien.

The guards quickly followed after her, not bothering to make sure Lucien was with them. But he already knew they weren’t there for him anyway. 

——

Y/N cantered through the gates of the estate and up to the Forest House to find that Eris was saddling his own horse.

And there were nearly thirty sentries already mounted and waiting for their High Lord. 

Eris immediately turned when she halted Aengus just a few yards from him. 

“Where are you off to?” Y/N asked through heavy breaths. She’d pushed Aengus to his highest speed as she’d made her escape from Lucien. 

“Visiting the surrounding villages,” Eris answered. 

Then Y/N’s guards caught up. The High Lord glared at them, noting how they let his mate get away from them. It was obvious that would be discussed when Y/N was out of earshot. 

“May I come?” Y/N blurted out before she could stop herself. 

Eris blinked, evidently taken aback by her request. 

“I promise I will keep to myself,” she added quickly, as if her very presence would be a burden to him. 

Eris frowned, not at her, but at the idea that she could ever see herself as such a burden. “That will not be necessary. You may join me, if that really is your wish. Though I worry the day will bore you…” 

Y/N beamed at his admission. “Oh, I would never find it boring! I have been wanting to see the villages of Autumn. I have read so much about them!” 

Eris tilted his head. “Read?”

But before she could answer or mentally scold herself for saying too much, Lucien came galloping over to them. 

“You are supposed to stay with her,” Eris growled. 

“You try keeping up with her,” his youngest brother shot back with exasperation. “Cauldron, she rides like the wind.” 

But Y/N ignored him, acting as if he weren't even there. And of course Eris caught it.

He ignored his youngest brother as he mounted. “We must leave now to make it back before dark.” 

Lucien glanced back and forth between his brother and Y/N. “She’s going with you?” 

“Yes,” Eris answered with boredom in his tone. “And you are staying here.” 

If his mate was annoyed with his brother, then he would choose her side.

Lucien scoffed. But rode back towards the royal stables. Clearly he didn’t wish to accompany them that badly, for he didn’t even put up a fight. 

“Is this some trick?” Eris asked Y/N quietly, so no one else could hear. “Do you intend to make your escape?

Y/N smiled and leaned toward him. “Guess you will have to wait and see.” 

—

The Forest House was now just a small structure in the distance behind them. Y/N watched it get smaller and smaller before turning back to Eris. 

He wouldn’t leave her side since they left the estate, choosing to ride right alongside her. 

“May I ask perhaps a silly question?” She asked. 

Eris nodded. 

“Why do we not just…winnow to the village?” 

He smirked at her. “It is a fair question. But there are many who reside between the Forest House and Falanaird. I wish to see how even the smallest homes are fairing.” 

Then his smirk grew to a full smile that was almost mischievous. “Besides, the village would be in a panic if their new High Lord appeared before them out of nowhere. I thought it would be better to give them a fair warning of my arrival. By the time we are a few miles out, someone will have alerted them of my presence.” 

Y/N grinned at him. “We are going to Falanaird. I have heard it is quite beautiful…”

Eris narrowed his eyes. “How do you know of Falanaird, little witch?”  

Y/N felt her face heat at his pet name for her. If anyone else used it, she was sure it would irritate her. But coming from him, it only felt sweet. 

But she remained quiet. 

Eris persisted. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with your reading you mentioned, would it?”

“I have been reading about the histories of Autumn Court,” Y/N finally admitted quietly. “After training, I go to one of the libraries and read.” 

“What for?” Eris asked.

Y/N laughed. “To learn about your home, of course. Why else?” 

Before Eris could fully let that settle in, she sat up straighter in her saddle and pointed in the distance. “Look!” When he followed her gaze, she was pointing to two small fae children who were standing at the gate of their little cottage, staring at the High Lord’s traveling company with mesmerized expressions

When Eris locked eyes with them, they gasped in fear and ducked behind the fence. 

“They are only little ones,” Y/N scolded when she saw that Eris had a dark look. “There’s no need to intimidate them.” 

Eris blinked, realizing it was a habit that had been ingrained in him for centuries to intimidate any and all who looked upon him. 

But he knew Y/N was right. What good would it be, having children fear him? 

The High Lord let out a sharp whistle, and the entire company came to a halt. 

He jumped off his horse and moved to a small wagon that had been trailing in the back. His reached into a basket. When his hand reappeared, Y/N realized he had grabbed two cookies from what she now realized was a wagon full of food. 

Eris walked to the edge of the fence where the two young ones were hiding on the other side. 

They slowly peaked over it when they heard his approach. 

“No need to fear,” Y/N heard Eris mutter to them. “We are only passing through.” 

With slow hands, each of them reached out to take his offering. And their eyes lit up when they realized what he was handing them. 

They screeched, “Thank you!” And then ran off in a fit of giggles, surely to eat their cookies before their parents could find out and reprimand them. 

Eris then returned to his horse as if nothing happened. And the company continued without questioning or even looking quizzically at their High Lord. 

But Y/N wasn’t going to let it go unnoticed. “I like when you let others see your kindness, Eris.” 

He refused to look at her as he responded with, “I only did it because you went out of your way to guilt me…”

Y/N laughed and rolled her eyes. “Oh, yes. Of course.”

—

They finally reached Falanaird about an hour later. 

Someone had clearly done as Eris suspected, and warned the entire city of their High Lord’s surprise visit. 

Y/N saw the tension fill Eris’ entire posture as everyone stared. He couldn’t sit any straighter in his saddle. She could see his internal struggle of trying to figure if he should be stern and cold as their leader or break the cycle and lead with kindness and integrity. 

They stopped to dismount. 

“Hold your arm out,” Y/N whispered to him hurriedly. 

He looked at her with confusion. 

“They are scared of you,” she hissed. “Offer me your arm. Trust me.”

To her surprise, Eris did as she said. Like a gentleman, his left arm was held out and Y/N gently placed her hand on his bicep. She noted how thick and strong the muscles were there. 

A red-brown haired male came to greet them. 

“Lord Callum,” Eris greeted formally. 

Callum bowed his head deeply. “To what do we owe the pleasure, High Lord?”

“I am surveying the cities of Autumn Court. Much has been ignored these past centuries. I plan to remedy that with a tour of my court.” 

Callum didn’t hide his surprise at such a gesture. Then his gaze shifted briefly to Y/N. “I see you have graced us with the heroin that is your mate.” Then he bowed at her and greeted her with, "Lady Y/N."

Y/N gave him a shy but warm smile. But she promised Eris she would stay quiet and she was not at all versed in political conversations, especially ones at a royal level. 

“Y/N was rather excited to hear we were visiting Falanaird,” Eris answered. Then he looked down at her with an encouraging look. “Weren’t you?” 

Y/N nervously cleared her throat before saying, “Yes! I heard Falanaird is responsible for the best harvests in all of Prythian. I was excited to see the city for myself.” 

Callum seemed to straighten with pride as such a compliment. “You honor us, Lady Y/N.” 

“Let us discuss the needs of the city, Lord Callum.” Eris commanded. 

Callum bowed his head and gestured for them to walk into the city. 

“Make sure to keep that kindness in your eyes,” Y/N whispered to Eris when everyone else around them was distracted. 

Eris’ face immediately softened with her instruction. But he kept Y/N on his arm as they were guided through the city. 

Callum gave Eris detailed updates on various businesses and citizens of Falanaird. Eris rarely interrupted and when he did, it was to ask for more details on certain matters. 

“And how are the crops fairing this season? I know with the last, there was some issues that my father had little patience for.” 

“Aye,” Callum agreed darkly. “The eggplants and carrots are suffering. The creek used to direct water to the beds has been misdirected and we have been unable to fix it permanently.” 

Eris frowned but nodded.

“What is blocking the creek?” Y/N asked suddenly. 

“A giant pine tree, Lady Y/N. It then flows into a river that we have built an irrigation system for those specific crops.” 

Y/N looked to Eris before continuing. He seemed both amused and curious as to where she was going with her question. 

“Could you take us to it?” She continued shyly. 

“The ground is muddy and no place for a lady,” Callum tried to warn her. 

Y/N smirked before teasing him with, “Worried about getting mud on your nice clothing, Lord Callum? I will survive.”

They hiked through a nearby forest to get to the creek Callum referenced. Eris moved Y/N’s hand from the crook of his arm and laced their fingers instead to help her through the hills and mud. She knew he would never let her fall or so much as trip. 

“We have tried to use fire wielders to incinerate it, but the wood is too moist,” Callum explained. 

“I guess it is a good thing your High Lord is here then?” Y/N answered with a smile. Then she turned to Eris. “If I remove the water, can you set the fallen tree alight?” 

Eris nearly scoffed at the question. “I can destroy it even without your efforts.”

Y/N laughed. “Then by all means…” 

With the wave of his hand, Eris set the tree into flames. Even from their distance, Y/N could feel the warmth of it. 

Through his magic, the tree was nothing but ash in just a few seconds. 

However, the creek was still too low to move the water where it needed to go. 

Y/N stepped forward quietly and then kneeled. She looked at the water as if she were about to have a conversation with it. 

Slowly, she started chanting in a whisper. It was once again a language Eris did not know or understand.

But the water started rippling. He heard crashing of water in the distance, and a mini-monsoon of waves came rushing from the creek’s source, filling it up to the brim. 

Callum looked on in awe. Some of their escorts even let out quiet gasps.

Y/N looked up at the sky. 

Everyone stood behind her, but Eris was at her side. So only he saw when her eyes glazed over in white, like they had on the night they’d killed Beron. 

She chanted again. It seemed to echo through the forest. Like nature was chanting back. 

Thunder cracked over them. 

And then the next second, rain started pouring. 

Callum smiled up as the storm soaked him. 

Y/N turned to him. “Hopefully that does it.”

“Thank you, Lady Y/N. You do not know the miracle you have bestowed upon us.” 

Then he watched on as Eris immediately removed his cloak to cover Y/N’s head and protect her from the rain. 

“Follow me,” Callum said. “There is an inn where you can seek shelter.” 

Eris grabbed her hand again, hurrying them to follow Callum. 

But when they reached an inn at the edge of the forest, the two of them were already soaked. 

Y/N giggled from the ridiculousness, especially when she looked up at Eris to find how irritated he seemed about being wet. 

Without realizing what she was doing, she stepped forward to brush some stray hair off his face and behind his ear. 

“Shall we have a drink?” She asked his sweetly. 

And just like that, Eris’ irritation disappeared and he smiled down at his mate. 

He nodded and nudged his head at the barstools in the tavern that was the bottom floor of the inn. 

His sentries were close on their heels, eyeing the patrons who had already been in the tavern upon their arrival. 

“Keep your distance,” Eris commanded. “I do not need you breathing down my neck.” 

They did as he said, grabbing tables and taking standing posts far enough away that they wouldn’t be able to eavesdrop on their High Lord’s conversation. 

The bartender clearly recognizes Eris, but didn't let it stop his gruff and abrupt attitude when he asked them what they wanted to drink. 

He slammed two giant mugs of ale in front of them, and then left them alone. 

“I see you have more clever tricks up your sleeve, little witch.” 

Y/N frowned a bit. “If I am being honest, they come as a surprise to me, as well.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Ever since that day you found me in the woods…something new has come to the surface. Something…powerful.” Her brow furrowed as her eyes glazed over and she remembered her last days in Night Court. “I almost killed Azriel when we were sparring. I summoned a lightning strike and it almost hit him.” 

Eris smirked. “It would have been a cause for celebration.” 

Y/N pinched his arm. “That is not funny!” 

But Eris’ amusement disappeared as he said, “I will not forgive him for what he did to you. You should have given him your wrath.” 

Y/N stared down into her ale. “The wind said you threatened him when you found out he forgot about me. I guess…I guess it makes sense now that I know our…umm…connection.” 

Eris watched her a moment before he answered. “Well, he would be dead if I did not care about how upset it would make you.” 

Y/N’s face got hot at his confession. So she distracted herself by looking around at the tavern. It was cozy and the light was colored in oranges and reds, only being lit by a hundred candles and two roaring fireplaces. 

“What are your thoughts on Falanaird?” Eris asked after a moment.

“It is beautiful,” Y/N answered immediately. 

“It is no Velaris,” he pointed out. Then a tiny bit of hope sparked in his eyes as he locked gazes with her and added, “But perhaps one day it could be.” 

“Or perhaps…” she replied slowly, “it will be better.”

Eris looked out the window as the rain pelted the glass harshly. “How long did you make it rain for?”

Y/N shrugged and looked a bit embarrassed. “I have not a clue.” 

He laughed. “We could be here all night.” 

“Good thing we’re already at an inn.”

Both their minds went to the scandalous implication of what she may have meant. 

But then Eris remembered what Feyre had once shared with him, what Y/N had confessed to her about her past lovers. And he couldn’t stop the darkness from taking over his face. His grip tightened dangerously on his ale. 

Unfortunately, Y/N interpreted Eris’ sudden shift as his disinterest in the idea of ever sharing a room with her at an inn. 

“Why have you been researching Autumn Court in the libraries?” 

“Library,” she corrected. “Singular.” 

He narrowed his gaze. “You know what I mean. Stop evading my question.” 

Y/N sighed. “I live here now, do I not? I figured I should learn about its history.”

“And you did the same for the Night Court when you lived there?” 

She opened and closed her mouth. “Well…umm n-no, actually.”

Eris looked out the windows again. “Thank you…for your help today, Y/N.” 

“You’re the one who burnt down that giant tree as if it were nothing.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he quickly told her. 

Y/N swallowed, sensing that he was going to say something that would make her heart skip a beat. 

“I find it…difficult deciding who I am supposed to be as High Lord of this court. I do not want to be my father, that I am sure of. But after centuries of wearing a mask…it’s harder to take it off than I ever could have imagined.”

She nodded. 

Eris stared at her a moment before finally confessing, “I find it easier with you at my side. That is what I am thanking you for.” 

Y/N reached for his hand, softly covering it. “Kindness is not a weakness. Just like cruelness does not equate to strength.” 

“Even Rhysand wears a mask to control his subordinates,” Eris argued. “I have seen his charades at the Court of Nightmares.” 

Y/N watched him with confusion. “But why compare yourself to him?” 

“You have seen the headway he’s made as High Lord. His true court is made up of dreamers, not high-borns given power by birthright alone. He has assured female Illyrians have the same opportunities to train as males, and tried his hardest to put a stop to wing clipping. The citizens of Velaris do not fear him, they respect him. How am I not to compare myself?” 

“That is his legacy, not yours.” She urged. “You have only been High Lord for a month, Eris. Give yourself time. You have plenty of it.”  

But Eris said nothing in return, only got lost in his internal battle of self loathing and unrealistic expectations he has put on himself. 

Y/N leaned forward. “Do you know why I insisted that Callum shows us the empty creek? Because I knew you could fix it. And what your people need to see is that you care – about them, about their cities. They need to see that you do not believe you are above their troubles.”

She leaned back. “So you go to village after village in Autumn Court, and you show them that you care.” 

Eris could stop his beaming from her words. “You will come with me?”

Because what did any of this matter if she didn’t?

Eris was starting to realize he couldn’t do any of it without her. 

“And when it is safe for you to leave?”

Y/N frowned at such a subject being brought up. 

She nodded toward the windows. “It has stopped raining.” 

One of his sentries approached. “High Lord, we should start our journey back to the Forest House before it gets too late.” 

Eris reached into his pocket for coins to pay the bartender. 

“Don’ botha,” the bartender spat his his thick accent. “It’s on the ‘ouse.” Then his eyes shifted between the two of them as he dried a glass. “For riddin’ us o’ that favver o’ yours. The both o’ yer.”

When they got outside, someone had already brought their horses for them. 

Y/N tried to return Eris’ cloak to him, quietly handing it to him. The thick fabric was damp for their attempt at shielding her from the rain.

Eris took it, lightly blew on it, and handed it right back to her. 

Y/N eyes widened in surprise when she found that it was completely dry and also warm like it had been sitting by a fire for hours. 

“Keep it,” he instructed firmly. “The sun is setting within the hour.”  

—

They were only 20 or so minutes from the Forest House when Eris saw Y/N’s head bob from falling asleep. 

Her horse, Aengus, kept moving closer and closer to Eris, as if he was worried for his rider and was making sure Eris would be able to catch Y/N if she fell off. 

She was in an exhausted and delirious daze. She could hear the conversations around her. But they felt unreal, like she was in a dream or sleepwalking. 

“Should we move her to the wagon to sleep, High Lord?” One of the guards asked quietly, as if he feared waking her. 

“That won’t be necessary.”

Then Y/N, half asleep, felt a tug on the right side of her saddle. A large mass mounted her horse and pulled themselves behind her in the saddle.

But she recognized Eris’ scent and warmth immediately, stopping her from startling and fully waking up. 

“You were falling asleep in your saddle, little witch. And at risk of falling right off your horse,” Eris whispered in her ear. “Go back to sleep.” 

His arms reached around her, taking her reigns and also caging in her body protectively. 

And she did just that, leaning back against her mate and falling into a deep sleep now that she knew she would be safe from falling off her horse. 

What she didn’t think about was that Eris could have easily winnowed both of them home. She would never put together that her mate finds any way to extend their time together – even if it existed as her falling asleep against his strong chest and he rode them home safely. 

Y/N barely stirred when they returned to the Forest House and Eris gently pulled her from the saddle, landing on the ground with her in his arms. 

His footsteps echoed down the halls.

“Cauldron, what happened?” She recognized Leonora’s worried voice in her sleep. 

“She is only sleeping, mother.”

“The poor thing must be exhausted. Waking up at the crack of dawn to train herself nearly to the point of collapsing. Only for you to force her on a trip to Falanaird afterward.”

Eris sighed. “She insisted. I am going right to the Weapons Master after putting her to bed to tell him their lessons are canceled tomorrow. She needs rest.” 

“Perhaps you should take the day, too.” Leonora urged. “Together.”

--------

Please please please please please please let me know what you think! Be like @pancakefancake

[fromacatastrophe]

Here's a guide that no one asked for and I doubt anyone will read, to my Skyrim dragonborn OCs. They don't exist in the same timeline (except for when I am imagining funny memes that are too hyperspecific for me to even bother making).

Dalinan : 7' tall orc alchemist who refuses to make/use any sort of poison whatsoever. Favors the bow. Absolute dogshit at stealth unless she has access to her invisibility potions. Half-raised by her cousin. Not from a stronghold and has complex feelings about lacking that cultural connection. War Trauma ™ (child soldier edition). Dutiful to a grim fault. Tends to have extensive and increasingly ludicrous back-up plans for if/when things go awry. Resting bitch face but an absolute softie. Will adopt you if she detects emotional vulnerability (inherited that trait from her cousin, who recently took over the Riften orphanage for reasons only Maven Black-Briar knows in full). Absolutely detests leeks, 0/10, worst vegetal ever. Ends up in a poly relationship with Taliesin and Caryalind. When Cary is ready to go home in a decade or two they both go with him (he takes some convincing, but neither she nor Tali would ever let him go alone). She becomes captain of Cary's personal guard + Tali becomes an advisor; there's no end to the speculation about the relationship between the three of them but no one is going to risk actually asking. Dalinan showing up to formal events in ancient snow elf armor and bearing Auriel's bow and shield is the kind of power move that intimidates even people who don't care a fig about the whole Dragonborn business. And shhhh about lifespans okay, we're going to pretend that orcs age like other mer. Shhhh. Let the lady grow old with her partners.

Amejja : khajiit arsonist. tiny. is on the run from a hefty bounty in cyrodiil. claims that her victims deserved it. plays the 'but this one is just a little kitty. a birthday cat. are you going to arrest me on my birthday, guardsman? sad meow?' card to get out of soooo much trouble. decides that Taliesin is her fun uncle; he's honored and also mildly terrified of the prospect of her meeting his sisters (the mayhem would be legendary). learning to shout is the #1 best thing that ever happened to her. fire shout? AMAZING! dragons? eh. big scaly cats. 'surely we can come to an agreement, can't we my cousins???' super annoyed that she actually has to kill Alduin. when Delphine asks her to kill Paarthurnax she attacks her instead because fuck you that's why. flirts with joining both the thieves' guild and the dark brotherhood but betrays and destroys them both over feeling slighted by them. Decides that being dragonborn = being Miraak's baby sister; decides to rescue him. this confuses the Miraak. Besties with Lucien and Khash (both are mildly afraid of her in a fond sort of way), friendly rivals with J'zargo. Extremely distrustful of anything to do with dwemer ruins or machinery, but tolerates it for Remi's sake (some hissing is involved). Will absolutely destroy anyone/anything that harms Scrap. Doesn't join the Dawnguard. Will purr to heal you (purring is a healing spell) but you'd better appreciate it! She's a young gal with wanderlust who just wants to see the world (and set parts of it on fire).

T'Vreyne : Vulcan, Starfleet officer, aro/ace NB, vegetarian, here via daedric tomfoolery/a shuttlecraft mishap. Doesn't initially speak Tamrielic Common and so communicates mostly through frustrated charades and extremely reluctant touch-telepathy until they learn (...from Tali and Gore, so you can just imagine the vocabulary T'Vreyne ends up with). Their background is in security with a specialization in EOD and they've been working as a 'special collections' (read: highly hazardous artifacts) archivist since The Accident. Has significant scarring, chronic pain, and a prosthetic arm due to The Accident. Prefers stealth to avoid unnecessary conflict, then magic/shouts to de-escalate if possible, and then if violence is unavoidable favors a simple one-handed sword. Absolutely refuses to use enchanted equipment due to the whole Soul Cairn of it all. Mistaken for an Altmer by everyone who isn't Altmer; Altmer tend to assume that they're a [derogatory term for mixed-heritage mer]. Has zero (0) respect for Elenwen & thinks she's utterly incompetent; reads her for absolute filth at the truce conference. Other than negotiating the truce does not interfere with the civil war whatsoever (prime directive and all that). Their EOD experience comes into play during the College of Winterhold questline. Becomes close friends with Teldryn during the whole Miraak thing. When Starfleet finally manages to contact them, they choose to stay on Nirn instead of going 'home'. Settles down in Raven Rock and eventually invites Teldryn, Taliesin, and Gore to move in. Occasionally one or more of them will get the itch to travel, but that's home now and they always end up back there before long. T'Vreyne will not be telling you where all those elder scrolls and black books are stashed unless you have a good fucking reason (they've come full circle and once again find themselves to be a special collections archivist whoops).

[summaryi]

A Court of Wings and Ruin - Sarah J. Maas (Book 3)

uwauwauwauawuawuawuawuawua

SPOILERS BELOW

in the moment, i very much was team FUCK IT UP, FEYRE, LET’S FUCKIN GGOOOOOOOOOOOOO

and now, the me who has finished the acotar series is like

was that shit like

maybe a lot

and like

short sighted as well

LIKE I UNDERSTAND

A LOT HAPPENED

but also like

it DID kinda wreck the Spring Court at a very precarious time for .... all of Prythian......

Like, yes. Tamlin hurt her. In an unforgivable way. His shit and inability to deal with it. He betrayed her AND Prythian? The continent? Is Hybern... Part of Prythian? Anyways. He betrayed the collective them to Hybern. His actions had unintended collateral consequences.

But like, damn.

Feyre really said power vacuum whomstdve????????? go off queen yaaaas

I HATE Ianthe. So glad Feyre has her moment on Summer Solstice.

i know it would be ~too convenient~ but i would have loved to see our Inner Court working with Lucien as heir apparent to the Autumn Court

like, yeah, there’s a lot of history and context that’s already been set around Lucien

but like

how nice would it have been

you know???????????

i truly loved the arc about the Ouroboros mirror. it warms me. very strong like. idk. it’s very satisfying to think about. and the bone carver. I CRIED FOR HIM????????? THIS MONSTER, ONE OF THE MOST FEARSOME BEINGS, A MOTHERFUCKER OF ALL FUCKERS DOING FUCKERY, I CRIED FOR HIM

i love that Ianthe meets the Weaver. love it.

FUCKING HURTS ME WHEN THE SURIEL DIES. HOW DARE YOU, SARAH. HOW COULD YOU. HE MIGHT BE SPOOKY AND ABLE TO KILL EFFORTLESSLY BUT HE’S JUST A LIL GUY. JUST A TINY LIL GUY. FUCK. HOW COULD YOU. MY HEART. HE’S SO TINY AND HE’S DEAD???????

my UNCONTROLLABLE GLEE WHEN MOR TELLS FEYRE SHE’S HOMOSEXUAL AND PANROMANTIC??????? GO OFF QUEEN

WE LOVE TALKING ABOUT THE SPECTRUM OF IDENTITY AND ATTRACTION

AND i love that we don’t just get a 

BOOM here’s Lucien and Elain as mates uwu

we get to see it unfold - just because there IS a mating bond doesn’t mean that in this very progressive circle of Fae, wow it’s magic and sparkles

Elain and Azriel really really really really warms my heart AND I NEED TO SEE MORE

I NEED TO SEE MOOOOOOOOORE

The war? I really don’t know why I expected it to last for more of the book, but also kinda glad it didn’t. After all, this isn’t a war series. It’s a Faerie porn romance series (and there just so happens to be a war plot)

I’m not personally super fond of this Rhys-dies-and-immediately-comes-back-to-life business. It does give us a small moment of Tamlin redemption.

It just. idk. it hit different, and it hit bad.

turning FULLY DEAD Feyre into High Fae and thus saving her life and giving her immortality was a BIG FUCKING DEAL. it took ALL the High Lords, AND she’d just saved them from a lifetime of having 0 powers, and Amarantha. that whole thing. so like, if ANYONE had done some shit to save their WORLD, sure, human Feyre

aight, cool, so this is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. the payoff with Feyre MAKES SENSE. I FELT THE EMOTIONAL WEIGHT.

reviving Fae - questionable. never been tried. also, a BIG FUCKING DEAL. I get that Rhys also saved them by repairing the Cauldron, but like. idk. the threat of the UNIVERSE unraveling didn’t seem like that big a deal. is it just me? is it just me who didn’t sit with that long enough?

because also, like. the threat of the universe unraveling is yes, BIG, but what’s the impact of that vs the impact of Feyre-didnt-break-our-curse?

universe unravels - okay, everyone stops existing. it sucks, but also like doesn’t such because now nobody exists

Feyre didn’t break the curse - everyone still exists and their lives suck and they exist and life SUCKS

but also like. whatever. Rhys is alive. AND AMREN IS BACK. Very glad Maas does NOT put us through the emotional trauma of losing all our favorite characters

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

Ya know what tbqh I'm having a lot more fun interacting with SJM since deciding to hash tag stan tamlin but also what grinds my gears!?!? What butters my fucking croissants!?!?!

Tamlin has HOBBIES.

No no. Seriously. I have a point. Listen:

We know the following pieces of information about the Spring Court/Tamlin in ACOTAR: Most of the government falls squarely on Tamlin's shoulders because most of the old guard and the former sentries are dead, because they left the Spring Court to search for a "cure." He and Lucien actively patrol their borders and hunt for monsters that threaten humans and faeries alike. Taxes are collected once a year via the Tithe, but Tamlim absolishes the Tithe during Amarantha's rule. There are no cities. There is almost no distinction in the Court between High Fae and "lesser fae." He was a victim of abuse via his father and two much older brothers. Human slaves used to be common, but Tamlin finds his family history abhorrent and considers himself a protector type. He personally took Lucien to another Court for healing after Amarantha damaged his eye in a way that Tamlin himself could not fix. A faerie dies in his living room and Tamlin personally buries him. Tamlin takes refugees from other courts. The most important holiday is Calanmai, wherein Tamlin sacrifices his bodily autonomy and gets possessed by a god (?) in order to generate magic during the changing of seasons. He can be grouchy but he has a sense of humor; he writes silly poems for fun and plays music well enough that Feyre thinks he could make an actual career of it.

A lot of this gets re-conned, re-framed as "conservative" and sometimes actively ignored in order to attribute more positive qualities to Rhys - who in ACOTAR, is shown to be a manipulative liar who commits murder for fun and drugs/assaults Feyre. Tamlin clearly suffers from PTSD in ACOMAF but his symptoms are not "noble" or cute like Feyre. The narrative postulates that while Feyre needs to learn that she's worthy of love and freedom and that her dark past doesnt define her, Tamlin needs to be "redeemed" because his trauma is not as important or as valid as hers, and he can't be worthy of help until he repents for his "crime" of acting in ways that are - from his perspective- completely logical, and based in genuinely good/loving intentions.

In ACOWAR, Feyre states that she begins implanting/altering the memories of Tamlin in other people's heads to make them abandon him. She also steals a gift (presumably, a gift from Rhys to Tamlin) because she doesn't feel he deserves it, and contemplates burning down the rose garden which is pretty much all Tamlin has left of his mother.

This... does not make me hate Tamlin in the slightest. I read these books and actively struggle to hate him the way the narrative wants because everything about him is legitimately just tragic and pitiable.

While all this goes on the narrative goes on to reposition Rhysand - the guy who caused a lot of the main heroine trauma - as the best guy who ever lived. He's cruel to be kind, deeply misunderstood and hurting in silence. A martyr whose pain is just like the heroine's, who is an immortal ancient warrior king more powerful than any other person in the world but still somehow the narrative equal of a barely literate 20 year old woman. That sure is a choice and ya know what fine, whatever, I accept that this is the story I'm reading. But back to my earlier point:

What hobby does Rhysand have other than sex and fighting?

Answer me. Quickly.

The retcons with Tamlins character are annoying on their own because SJM clearly thinks her audience is too stupid to remember book one of her own series. But it's especially annoying for me given that Rhysand is a boring mouthpiece for the author to moralize her faerie books. As a character he's incredibly bland. There's nothing about him that's compelling because everything "bad" that he does is justified and righteous, and he can't be challenged or hurt because that would make Feyre (the other author mouthpiece) very sad. :(

Anyway remember to stan tamlin, send tweet.

[freyjas-musings]

I am sort of tired of people just looking at Azriels character on face Value without really looking into how he has been written ....

People like Azriel because he is an interesting, layered and complex character . People like him because while he has some of the most attractive characteristics on one hand he also has these unsavoury traits that are glaringly obvious.

He certainly doesn't have the personality of a rock its what you have chosen to see but it's a personal opinion so you can feel free to keep it.

But if you are genuinely interested have a look at this post regarding his personality.

He is not allergic to emotionally available women , he is a 500 year old guy who has always been an outcast and a reject from the moment he was born. Clearly, it's too much for people to understand the psychological trauma of being locked away for 11 years without a window or sunlight or being burnt beyond repair and we are talking about a species that heals quickly. He was then thrown into a camp where he was again an outcast. Not to mention, he spent centuries convincing himself he is only wanted as long as he earns his place and becomes useful , thats a trauma response. He genuinely believes no one would ever want him atleast not beyond the fucked up fantasies they have of him in bed.

I don't cater to Elriel agenda so the whole not being chosen loony bit I am not even going to touch. But I will say this for someone who has never been pursued because of his reputation Elain kept leading him from the word go, why wouldn't he take notice? And with terrible math where 2 of his brothers are mated to her sisters ... why wouldn't he get confused that maybe that was his chance to happiness? Is it right ? No it's garbage.... you don't choose people based on math but this is a guy who is lonely , desperate to be loved and just wants someone to love him unconditionally without the fear of being abandoned. Why do you think Az is obsessed with a mate more than his brothers ? He believes only a mate would love him and never leave him. It's the fear and it's trauma response.

Self worth issues that he refuses to work on? Refuses to work on? His mother was a slave who was abused and he couldn't save her , he saw her being abused .... as a child .... so how about you pay attention to whether you would feel worthy of another person when you couldn't save your own mum from abuse ? Was it his burden to bear? No , he was a child . But based on how protective he is of his mother , how she is always at the back of his mind example when he was speaking to clotho , it has clearly affected him and he carries the baggage and trauma from it. Which is where his need to protect comes from. The fact that he thinks him being less worthy as a life is not cute its sad and heart breaking.

Just wait for his book mate he will address those issues . Unfortunately stories are not written for characters who are already ok and have worked through their issues. Just a suggestion perhaps pay attention to how mental health and seeking help works ..... I just don't feel like explaining why it's wrong to blame someone for not seeking help when they perhaps don't realise it.

If you want to look at the way he spoke of Elain vs how he spoke of Lucien. Lucien for him is an outsider one that came from a court his high Lady was abused in. He is the son of another HL from a court that abused his first love Morrigan. So, do you truly believe his judgement towards Lucien is surprising or uncalled for ? Mor doesn't trust Lucien either nor did Cass until recently and we all know how Elain behaves with Lucien, what is he supposed to go by ? He doesn't need to take the time to understand whether or not Lucien is a better male. He simply thinks Elain doesn't find him worthy while falling all over Az .... it would be confusing to someone who is messy in the head.

Lucien is certainly a better male and I do believe Az will see that in his book. Now, if you really want to be disgusted with Az, I think the fact that he spoke about Elain like she is some object to gain and that he has earned the right to her is the point you can hold onto ... because that was fucking disgusting and one he will pay for.

Be disgusted about the fact that Az the moron did not even think through his words.... he would kill Lucien if challenged but what would it cost Elain to lose a mate ? He is making no sense with that statement. I truly believe Lucien is going to save Azriels ass from being killed somewhere in the next book thereby bringing Az back to ground and pulling his head out of his ass.

There is nothing cute about self worth issues mate. I would urge you to address mental health traits with a bit more respect.

He is a spymaster its his job. It's OK you are not on board with his torturing I am sure he is not either. The torturing clearly weighs on him based on the way he hides his hands when Nesta observes he tortured info out of someone , please do have the patience to wait for his book for things like that to be addressed.

I don't want your girl Elain anywhere around Azriel. Elain has her own well of issues to sort through... they are both terrible for each other and they will only enable each others toxic traits. Two great characters could be just wrong for each other and that's the case for these two.

I am confident Azriel and Gwyn are the ones getting the next book and I can assure you all your additional issues with him will be sorted !!!!

This is not me tearing you apart .... this is just me answering your question.

Cheers!!!

I really want to understand why people like Azriel.

I'm a little scared of getting torn apart over this post, but i genuinely want to understand.

(granted i have not read CC yet, so maybe more about him is revealed)

But after reading acotar, it seems like he has the personality of a rock.

He seems to be allergic to pursuing emotionally available women.

There’s all this nonsense about him “never being chosen” but like he has a whole ass found family who love him and choose him every day. And as for not being chosen by a romantic partner, this kinda feels like his fault. He’s had 500 years to look for someone, but chose to spend it pining over the same woman who clearly doesn't want him. And then the second another emotionally unavailable woman comes along he latches onto her too.

He has self esteem issues that he apparently refuses to work on (again he's had 500 years to go to therapy and process his trauma), but at the same time he also seems to have a superiority complex and is super judgy? (doesn’t think he’s good enough for Elain, but also doesn’t think her mate is good enough for her either. also his judgements and generalisations regarding the Illyrians) Even when he is being heroic/selfless it seems like he’s doing it more bc he thinks his life is worth less than the others, so it’s better if he takes the risks instead of them. This is not cute to me personally.

Also i’m not super on board with his torturing people thing. Like.. in some cases, it’s justified (the Attor for instance) but i feel like a lot of the people he has tortured are probably just average joes working their 9 to 5 (the people in the human queens’ castle he “interrogated” for info on Briallyn. Surely they’re not all evil) or they are not even in their right minds (eris’s soldiers in the crown’s thrall. Also those are your ally’s soldiers. Why are we torturing them?)

I genuinely want to see what the Azriel stans see in him in case my girl Elain does end up with him in the end. I don’t want to be mad about it. And I want to care about him enough to read a book in his POV if it ever comes bc right now I do not.

[lidiacervos]

i'm convinced the one e/riel who is always in the gwyn and pro gwyn tags is trying to start shit. this is a part of their post and it's honestly really fucking gross.

Gwyn herself has shown no interest in being in a relationship. None at all. She has also shown no interest in any male.

Also anon, Gwyns trauma is different from Elain's. Any therapist will advise a SA survivor to wait for a few years to be in a relationship. First, to come out and heal. And they will defintley be against a SA survivor falling in love with her saviour. That is a big NO.

If Gwyn was given another year or so, and acosf didn't end with her leaving the library, I have no problems with gwynriel. Since to me its a pure crackship. If Gwyn was to have the last book (which she can't but hypothetically) I would have no problem at all with her in a relationship since it would have been a few years. But we know that's impossible, since Gwynriels have theorised that Gwyn will be with azriel (theres no other potential LI for her) and clearly Azriel is having the next book so It doesn't give her time to heal. And that's where my problem stems from.

did anyone make this point about rhys, nesta and lucien? did they argue rhys need a few years to recover from amarantha before getting together with feyre? feyre technically saved everyone from amarantha, so did rhys fall for his savior? or nesta having a few years to recover from tomas before mating with cassian? or lucien's recovery from ianthe before supposedly falling for vassa? no, they only use the "SA survivors need to heal" argument with gwyn. i am so fucking tired of them using gwyn's SA as some sort of justification for why e/riel is healthier or better.

I’ll start by saying that the people who say things like that are absolutely full of it and don’t deserve an ounce of attention. They do the same thing with eluciens, try to shame us by making out Lucien as a predator because Elain was uNcOmFy. It’s not genuine, at all.

It is unseemly to try and claim they know what a therapist(or apparently, all therapists) would advise Gwyn to do in her situation.

But let’s get into a hypothetical and say this person is right, there is one way to heal and everyone is the same so Gwyn needs three years. It’s already been two(without Azriel present, I might add). Acosf was nine months after acofas. Who knows what the time jump will be for the next book and what Gwyn could have worked on in that time.

They’re also conveniently ignoring the fact that Gwyn has already made progress. She’s had counseling, gotten comfortable with smut & asked about sex, trained, left the library for Nesta and even managed to win the blood rite without completely losing it. Basically, they aren’t giving Gwyn any credit on past or future healing, for being so concerned about her.

Here are some reminders:

“Do you want to stay over at the House with me tonight?” She motioned to the archway. “Have a read-in or something?” Gwyn blinked, considering. She had not set foot outside of the library save to come to these lessons or to use the practice ring to hack at that ribbon. But she said, “I’ll ask Clotho.”

“Cassian and Azriel warned me that we’d be watched by males today, but didn’t specify why. I had no idea it was the Blood Rite Qualifier.” Her eyes shown bright above the dirt smudged on her face.

Emerie was the one to say to Gwyn, “I can’t believe you left the library.” Gwyn stroked Nesta’s head. “Some things are more important than fear.” She cleared her throat. “But please don’t remind me too much. I’m so nervous I really might vomit.”

“I have been broken once before,” Gwyn said, her voice clear. “I survived it. And I will not be broken again—not even by this mountain”

“The first five months I was at the library, I barely spoke. I didn’t sing. I went to the priestess who counsels all of us, and sometimes I just sat there and cried, or screamed, or said nothing. And then I began working with Merrill, upon Clotho’s request, and the work focused me. Motivated me to get out of bed each morning. I started singing during the evening service…”

“You’re the one who’s been in a library for two years,” Emerie said. Gwyn didn’t flinch. “I have. And I’m tired of it.”