#also the vault hunters are canon here

[tinapaysmp]

I wish my christmas break was dedicated to me making designs and pages for my AUs, ships, and ideas but alas I have so much work left on my plate before the semester continues again in January.

[apocalyptic-dancehall]

here's a concept for a fusion thing ig.. they're completely batshit and exist only to annoy the everloving hell out of the jack pack

[hugmekenobi]

S3: The Bad Batch (12)

Chapter Twelve: Juggernaut

Gif by @azertyrobaz

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Series Summary: Ever since Eriadu, Clone Force 99 had been a fractured squad. Months have passed but you're finally back with the Batch but Omega is still out there and you won't stop until you find her again.

Chapter Summary: The Batch seek out an unlikely ally to get you and Omega back. Meanwhile, you and Omega find out what's in store for you on Tantiss

Masterlist for S1 and S2

<Previous Chapter

Genre: Friends (idiots) to Lovers (we're in the lovers stage now)

Chapter Warnings: Canon-typical violence, swearing, me making up an SP number, humour used as a deflection tactic, Hunter losing it a bit, brief injury descriptions, threats, implications of torture, mentions of scars, Rampart, Hemlock being a creep, lotta angst,

Word Count: 5.7K

Author's notes: Had a bit of creative fun doing this episode but it should also hopefully feel like an angsty one lol

You braced yourself against the weather as you exited the ship.

The gusts of wind on Tantiss swept the steady drizzle of rain in a diagonal against your face.

You and Omega stopped just before Hemlock as he came to meet you both.

Then, a move occurred that genuinely surprised you.

In quick succession, the operative took Omega’s cuffs off and then did the same to yours before he took to his ship and left.

You and Omega massaged your wrists as you regarded the man ahead of you with suspicious curiosity.

“I trust we won’t have any issues with you and your… talents. Unless you want Omega to suffer the punishment for your disobedience?” Hemlock directed the question to you.

You knew that would be the card he would play, and it was a fucking effective one. “No issue.” You said tightly.

Hemlock nodded before he addressed both of you. “Turning yourselves over was a wise decision. Come with me.”

Omega glanced up at you, but you gave her a nod and the two of you slowly followed Hemlock inside.

--

The route to the lab had not left Omega’s memory and she recognised the familiar corridors that Hemlock led you both through, although the heightened stormtrooper presence was new.

“Bring the Jedi to the cell we arranged below but keep her away from the vault. She and Omega are not to be together.” Hemlock directed the group of troopers that approached as you all came to a halt outside the lab doors.

Your head snapped over to Hemlock as you heard that.

Omega frantically looked between you and Hemlock. “No!” She shouted.

You saw the group of troopers moving in on you. You called on the Force and pushed them further down the corridor and smacked them into the wall, but you couldn’t do anything more than that. You couldn’t risk Hemlock punishing Omega.

You saw another squad closing in.

You had to let them take you.

Omega looked up at you, tears in her eyes. “They can’t take you! I won’t let them!” Omega turned to Hemlock but all she saw on his face was a cruel sneer. “Please-”

You wouldn’t have her begging that man for anything. You bent down and hugged Omega tight to your chest. Do what you need to do to get outta here. I’ll see you again. You don’t worry about me. You said hurriedly as you felt numerous hands grab you and yank you away from her.

The butt of a blaster smacked against your temple, making you lightheaded and your body more compliant with the soldiers as they pulled you down the corridor.  

“No!” Omega fought against the strong grip a trooper took of her shoulder and she couldn’t free herself. But they couldn’t stop her words.

“Bring her back!”

“No! We stay together!”

“Let me go!”

“Stop!” That was the last thing she was able to say before she was dragged into the lab.

--

Omega’s fading cries were all that echoed through your head as the troopers dragged you away and through another maze of levels and hallways.

--

Emerie had heard the commotion outside, and she saw the fear and sadness on Omega’s face as she entered but she had to hide her lingering discomfort as Hemlock brought her over. The small smirk that graced Hemlock’s face did not escape her though.  

“Begin testing her at one. I want confirmation.” Hemlock ordered but he saw hesitance demonstrated by Emerie at the order. “Is there a problem, Dr. Karr?”

“No.” Emerie replied swiftly. “I’ll handle it.”

“Where’s Nala Se?” Omega asked as she looked around the lab but found no sign of the Kaminoan.

“In a cell. I’m afraid the Kaminoan won’t be aiding you in another escape.” He said to Omega before addressing Emerie, “I’ll return later for the results.” He walked out the lab. He had other preparations to oversee.

Omega walked over to her sister, “Emerie, you don’t have to do this.”

Emerie sighed as part of her wished the words didn’t affect her as much as they did but what else was she supposed to do? This is where she wanted to be… didn’t she? “I’m sorry, but I do.” She prepared the syringe and approached the young girl. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re safe.” Emerie took the sample.

“Am I?” Omega questioned uncertainly. “And why did he take her from me? What is he going to do her? Will she be okay?”

And the reassurance Emerie once might’ve been prepared to offer couldn’t be said anymore.

--

Pabu was a ghost town.

The people of the island were recovering and hiding in their homes.

All that remained were the signs of destruction the soldiers had left behind.

But there were no more troopers.

No more gunships.

And he knew what that meant.

He couldn’t deny it to himself anymore.

It had happened again.

They’d taken his home.

They’d taken Omega.

They’d taken you. The love of his life.

Gone.

Your time spent together had been so rushed, so interrupted and there had been too little time for him to express how important you were to him since you’d returned.

The life that the two of you were preparing to have together had been snatched away. And now you were gone. You were gone before he’d had the chance to-

And both of you would be subjected to whatever torment Hemlock wished to inflict. The very thought made him sick to his stomach.

If only he’d been quicker, stealthier. If only he’d handled that gunship pilot better. If only-

He stopped short and clawed at his chest as he felt the guilt constrict around his heart. His knees buckled as the entire weight of his failure crashed into him and he had to brace himself against one of the ransacked stalls to keep from collapsing but he forced himself to calm down.

He couldn’t allow himself to lose himself in it. Not anymore.

He’d done that before but that was then.

Now, he let clarity overcome him.

Now he would not lose focus.

He would not falter.

He would not be dissuaded.

Everything he had was going to go into getting you two back.

Hemlock would die.

Nothing was going to stop him from achieving that.

He felt wet nose nuzzle against his palm and he glanced down to see Batcher looking up at him with concerned eyes.

He straightened up and carried onto Archium.

--

Hunter took his helmet off as he approached his brothers, and he was glad to see Wrecker awake and back on his feet. “The troopers have pulled out, but the cruiser’s still jamming our comms.”

“I still can’t believe you let them turn themselves in.” Wrecker said reproachfully to Crosshair.

“The Empire would have destroyed this whole town. They stopped them.” Crosshair responded, his frustration at the whole situation seeping into his tone. He was more surprised however that the admonishment had come from Wrecker and not Hunter but then again, there was still time.

“Yeah, and they’ve got them again.” Wrecker replied dejectedly. “And we’re stuck here without a ship.”

“Even if we get our hands on a ship, we still have no way of finding Tantiss base.” Hunter said.

The trembling from his hand was an instant reaction. “That’s not exactly true.” Crosshair said cagily as he held his hand.

Hunter stared at his brother carefully and made himself wait for further explanation before he said anything he might regret.

“Wait. You’ve known where Tantiss is this whole time?” Wrecker questioned accusingly.

“I didn’t say I know. There’s someone who might have the coordinates.”

“Who?” Hunter asked urgently.

“Admiral Rampart. He sent Nala Se there when we decommissioned Tipoca City.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” Hunter took a few aggressive steps towards Crosshair but checked himself as he caught the way his brother kept massaging his shaking hand. It wouldn’t benefit anyone if he jumped down Crosshair’s throat, he didn’t deserve that.

“Because Tantiss isn’t a place I ever wanted to go back to.” Crosshair admitted. “And Rampart’s not particularly trustworthy. He is a last resort, but he’s our only option.”

“Where’s Rampart now?”

“I was still in the Empire when they arrested him. He was sent to-”

Batcher growling and the sound of a platform opening interrupted him and the three of them turned to see a hatch in the middle of the Archium floor opening up.

“Do not shoot!” AZ yelled as he and Phee came into the room.

“I second that.” Phee agreed as she saw the three clones with blasters pointing in their direction.

The three of them holstered their weapons.

“I saw the Imperials on my approach. When I landed, Doc here briefed me on the situation.” Phee explained.

“How did you get in here unseen?” Hunter enquired.

“Used the hidden cavern access when I docked my ship.”

“We’re gonna need to borrow that.” Crosshair insisted by way of greeting.

Phee regarded the new face with a knowing smile, “You must be Crosshair. Tech told me all about your… sparkling personality.”

“Is that a no?” Crosshair replied, crossing his arms in his typical unimpressed fashion.

“Any friend of brown eyes is a friend of mine. Where are we heading?”

“An Imperial labour camp on Erebus.” Crosshair divulged with a heavy breath but if it meant a chance to get you and Omega back, he would face the demons of his past.

“Ooh, I like this already.” Phee said with a roguish grin. She led the way down, with Wrecker joining her first.

Crosshair faced his sibling and started nervously, “Hunter-”

Hunter just about managed a single, reassuring nod. “I know, Crosshair.”

“I wanted to- if there had been any other way- I’m-”

Hunter touched his brother’s shoulder. “I don’t blame you, Crosshair. Not at all.” He exhaled a sharp sigh, “It was the right call. Besides, you couldn’t have stopped them, no matter how much you wanted to. All that matters is that I know we’re getting them back.”

Crosshair studied his brother. Of all the reactions he’d expected, this one had been low on the list. This was a different type of determination that gave him the impression that Hunter meant what he was saying, but there was more that he was not allowing himself to feel or express anymore.  

Hunter removed his hand before they both stepped onto the platform to follow the others down.

--

Being helpless to Phee’s plan of sending the ship into a vertical nosedive in order to get past the perimeter had emulated Tech’s crazy, yet somehow effective piloting, and it became very clear why the friendship between the two of them had been growing into something more.

With Phee being on standby for a retrieval after she’d dropped them in, they’d managed to infiltrate the system and find out what prison transport Rampart was on and taking the turbo-tank from the Imperials on-board had been a simple task in the end.

Hunter took control of the steering.

Wrecker and Crosshair took up position by the doorway to the prison hold.

Crosshair touched the walls, “It’s magnetically sealed. Wrecker, remember Plan 55?” Crosshair waited patiently as his brother worked on remembering the details of it.

“Oh. Yeah. 55. Waiting on you. Go.” Wrecker said in quick realisation as he prepared his blaster.

Crosshair opened the door, and they advanced down the corridor.

--

The door opened and Crosshair instantly ricocheted his blaster bolt around the walls, killing most of the troopers and Wrecker took care of the few stragglers that remained.

“Ct-9904?” Rampart said in disbelief as he recognised the uniformed clone.

“You remembered. How touching.” Crosshair sneered as he stared at the former admiral. The ill-fitting, dirty orange jumpsuit and raggedy beard and untidy hair gave a distinct worn and dishevelled appearance to the Imperial that Crosshair knew he would despise, and he found the whole thing rather satisfying. He tapped the side of his helmet to let Hunter know, “The target’s secured.”

“The target?” Rampart repeated with outrage. “What is this? Are you here to kill me?”

“Tempting, but no.”

Wrecker cleared his throat, interrupting the discussion between them, “What about them?” He asked in reference to the other prisoners on board.

--

Hunter slowed the turbo-tank to a stop to let Wrecker and Crosshair release the remaining prisoners.

“All clear.”

Wrecker’s confirmation on the comms prompted Hunter to get the tank moving again.

--

“And what about me?” Rampart asked as the larger clone came back from freeing the others.

“You’re fine right where you are.” Crosshair replied tersely.

“If you’re not here to execute me, and you’re not letting me go, then you must need something from me.” Rampart deduced.

“Tantiss base. Where is it?” Crosshair asked briskly.

“Ah. Tantiss.” Rampart repeated as if the answer had been what he’d expected. “And how much is that information worth to you?”

“You’re not in a position to bargain.” Crosshair growled.

“Hmm. I disagree. I’ll talk after you get me off this planet.” Rampart negotiated smoothly, “You don’t get what you want if I don’t get what I want.”

“We’re approaching the bridge. Wrecker, man the cannon.”

Hunter’s voice on the comms interrupted the tension settling between the three men and Wrecker set off to do as instructed.

--

From the activation of the bridge gates and barricades and the tank that was approaching from the other side of the bridge, it had become pretty clear that the Imperials were onto them, but Hunter wasn’t about to let that stop him. It would take a lot more than that and probably not even then. He increased the speed of the vehicle and powered through them.

The enemy tank opened fire on them, but Wrecker was quick to respond however the blaster fire wasn’t making a dent in either transport.

There wasn’t time for a firefight, “Their armour’s too strong. Take out the wheels.” Hunter ordered Wrecker as he kept the speed of the tank on a steady increase.

Wrecker did just that and the tank came to a crashing halt as the front set of wheels exploded.

Hunter simply ramped up the power and sent their tank flying over the downed Imperial vehicle.

--

In the chaos of the tank righting itself, Crosshair and Rampart had gotten thrown to the ground.

Rampart attempted to use the opportunity to grab a free blaster, but the clone shot it out of his hands.

Crosshair got to his feet and trained his sniper on Rampart.

 “Oh please. You’re not going to kill me.” Rampart said confidently.

Crosshair set his rifle to stun. “Hmm. Not yet.” He replied simply before he knocked the man out and grab him by the collar.

--

He’d managed to get the tank through to the other side of the bridge, but the sight of approaching gunships caused Hunter to dramatically drop the speed and he drifted the tank onto an off-road path- the narrow cliffside wasn’t enough to deter him from the pace at which he was driving.

Crosshair opened the door to rejoin his two brothers and he dragged Rampart’s body inside.

Hunter tapped the side of his helmet, “Phee, we’re past the perimeter and need that pickup.” He said into his comm but all he heard was the fuzzy sound of static.

Wrecker was able to fire back and destroy one of the gunships on their tail, but he couldn’t stop the other one from making up ground. “Cannons are offline!” He shouted with an aggravated punch to the console as he saw the power go down. “We’ve got troopers up top.” He said as another sensor beeped. He and Crosshair both got ready to deal with it but the reaction from Hunter stopped them both.

Hunter, uncaring about the precarious path, merely weaved the tank in an aggressive pattern to toss the troopers off. This entire thing was getting old rather fast, he had more important things to be doing now. Most fell quickly but one soldier managed to tumble over the side that had a ladder he could cling onto, so Hunter smashed the lone trooper into the cliffside.

Whilst that plan had worked, it hadn’t deterred the final gunship which landed a successful shop that disabled the steering. The controls went rigid in Hunter’s hands. “Controls are dead.” He voiced aloud. They could really use that pickup now.

“We’re running out of road!” Wrecker cried as he saw the end of the path rapidly approaching.

Then, the glorious sound of explosions sounded from the outside.

“Not exactly a stealth exit, boys.” Phee commed in as she took out the final gunship.

“Let’s move!” Hunter directed as they all made their way to the roof of the tank.

--

Wrecker watched as his brothers made the jump to Phee’s extended ramp. He tossed Rampart’s limp body on the stairs but the gap between the tank and Phee’s ship was increasing, and he couldn’t be confident that he’d make the jump. “Move closer!”

Hunter saw the end of the road was drawing nearer and there wasn’t more time to get the distance exactly right. “Hurry! Jump!” He urged.

Wrecker took a few steps back before he ran and leaped over. He slid down the last couple steps but fortunately, Hunter had a secure hold on his upper arm, so he was able to be pulled securely on board.

Phee got the ship out of any further harms way.

--

Crosshair, being the only one of the three of them to keep his helmet on, kicked Rampart’s leg to wake him up.

Rampart came around with a wince.

“We got you off the planet. Now tell us where Tantiss is.” Crosshair demanded.

Rampart released a reluctant groan, “It’s more complicated than that.”

“Complicated how?” Hunter asked snappishly.

“No one knows the coordinates to Tantiss. It was designed that way. But I might know how to get around that.” He said but he didn’t elaborate.

Crosshair was getting tired of his games. “Either you tell us now, or we drop you back in that Imperial prison.”

“Now, now. No need for threats.” Rampart tisked. “After all, we’re in this together. Retrieving the young girl will be no easy task, but the girl and a Jedi? You’ll need my expertise so best play nice.” Rampart smirked as he saw the way all three of them stiffened their posture. “Oh yes, word travels amongst the unsavoury characters I was forced to be in close quarters with and between the officers.”

He fixed his stare on Hunter whose jaw was clenched so tight; Rampart wondered if the act was causing him physical pain. “CT-9904 had some rather interesting information to share about the two of you. I didn’t think the protocol would’ve allowed for such… fraternisations.”

Crosshair recoiled slightly as he remembered the conversations. Rampart’s words felt like he may as well have just punched him in the gut, and Crosshair risked a glance to Hunter as he readied his own apologies, but Hunter wasn’t looking at him.

Hunter stalked around the table to stand over the seated form of Rampart who was already beginning to cower into the booth. “You’re here because we need your information but let me make something very clear to you…”

This particular demeanour Hunter was exhibiting was foreign territory to the two brothers. Crosshair and Wrecker watched the interaction closely in case they were needed to intervene, more for their brother’s sake than Rampart’s.

Hunter’s voice took on a tone that was so low and so threatening, it even put Wrecker and Crosshair on edge and made them stand up a little taller. “Mention her or Omega again and you’ll wish you were back on Erebus.”

And Rampart could tell by the intensity of his stare and the conviction behind his words that the clone wasn’t bluffing either. Rampart’s throat went dry, and he swallowed a few times to find his voice again, “P-” He cleared his throat. “Point- point taken.” He said shakily. He’d miscalculated his power in this situation rather badly. Despite the fact he was the one that had the information to offer, it would only be worth it if he got out of here in one piece and the clones kept to their end. Evidently, that would not happen if he pushed that particular button too much.  

Satisfied that his words had landed, Hunter turned to go back to the cockpit but jutted his head for Crosshair to follow him.

Wrecker offered a supportive pat on Crosshair’s shoulder as he left.

--

“Phee, can you go watch Rampart with Wrecker for a few minutes?��� Hunter asked tightly as he felt his emotional control slipping.

“Uh, sure.” Phee said with a questioning look between the two clones but the tension in the air was palpable, so she didn’t linger.

Crosshair removed his helmet and waited nervously for his brother to speak.

“What did you tell him?” Hunter ground out as he pushed the rising wave of emotions back down.

Crosshair looked down at the floor in shame. “Nothing. I-”

The wave came back stronger this time, and he couldn’t stop the knee-jerk reaction to his brother’s evasiveness. “Crosshair!” Hunter interrupted heatedly.

Crosshair met Hunter’s stare.

Hunter started talking but his words came out short and sharp with his voice rising with each sentence. “Rampart can’t gain any leverage here. If he has anything about her, about me, about our relationship that he could use against us… against me then I have to know! I need to know what he knows!”

Crosshair kept his voice level; a shouting match would do no good here and Hunter had every right to be reacting the way he was. All Crosshair could do was hope Hunter would believe him. “He doesn’t know anything. Not really.” Crosshair took a breath. “I told him getting her in Imperial custody might be a good way to get you. It would be a way to get you to slip up and come out of hiding. And if you came, the rest of the squad would follow. Nothing specific, I swear.”

Hunter looked at Crosshair but everything on his face and everything he knew about his brother told him he was telling the trust. He didn’t sense any dishonesty and he wasn’t about to throw away the trust he’d built and regained with Crosshair over some stupid comment from Rampart. He relaxed his stance and his tone, “I’m sorry I snapped at you.” Hunter said as he pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to quell the oncoming headache that had been brewing since leaving Pabu.

Crosshair dismissed the unnecessary apology. “I’d expected a lot worse.” He recognised the signs and knew his brother needed a moment to himself now, so he quietly left the cockpit.

Hunter exhaled deeply and reached under his clothes and clasped the leather chord as he pulled out the necklace. He fiddled with the Jedi symbol that decorated it and allowed himself the few seconds of ease and happy memories the action brought before he hid it once more.

Hunter shook off everything that had just transpired and put everything else that wasn’t involved in getting you and Omega back to the back of his mind before he rejoined the others.

--

Omega’s body was heavy with weariness. These tests had taken hours and after the night she’d already had, her body was struggling to fight against the urge to just slide of the stool and sink to the floor.

Her ears pricked up as she heard a cheering dinging, but she saw the curious yet slightly concerned look Emerie shot her way. Omega didn’t have any time to enquire more about that since Hemlock returned.

“Dr. Karr, what are Omega’s results?”

“Her blood sample yielded a favourable M-count replication.”

“As expected.” Hemlock said as he looked to the young girl.

“What does that mean?” Omega asked.

“I’ll show you.” Hemlock replied.

Omega was left with little choice but to follow Hemlock out and walk a route that was unfamiliar to her.

--

“Did you know an individual’s M-Count cannot be directly replicated?” Hemlock quizzed as he led the way to the vault. “Attempts have been made but each time, the levels degraded. And so we experimented.” He opened the doors to the corridor illuminated with red beams and gestured for Omega to carry on.

Omega didn’t move yet. “Where are you taking me?”

“The vault.”

Together, the two of them then carried on walking.

“We tried various methods, mixing samples from out other test subjects, yet nothing worked...” Hemlock continued to divulge, “until we combined your sample with one of our M-Count specimens.”

Together, the two of you would make a scientists dream so Omega couldn’t understand Hemlock’s command to separate the two of you. What did he have planned for you that was so different to anything else that would lie behind the doors ahead. “Then why couldn’t we stay with each other?”

Hemlock paid no attention to the broader meaning behind question. He kept his focus on her role here instead. “You are a vital piece to our work here, Omega.”

Omega stopped short as the doors opened and she was met with the sight of three children- they were a few years younger than her- and a baby. She recovered quickly and asked, “Who are they?”

“They are the rest of the puzzle. And this, this is your new home.” Hemlock turned around and walked out.

Omega heard the doors shut with a secure clash and she gulped as she took in the space.

She was confined. Again.

--

You felt a flicker of fear as the door opened and you saw the tiny cell you were to be put in.

The walls were blank and grey.

There wasn’t any type of bed.

All that was there was a thick silver chain with shackles attached to it that was weaved through a notch in the wall.

All of that added to the already freezing temperature of the cell.

One of the troopers shoved you hard in the back and you tripped into the room.

“SP-42, you need to wear this uniform now.”

You studied the face of the woman that gave you the drab, grey clothes and you saw traces of Omega in her face. Plus, it was obvious she was doing her best not to give away the fact that she knew who you were. “Emerie, isn’t it? Omega mentioned you.”

Emerie shifted uncomfortably but subtlety nodded. “She talked about you, too.” She said quietly before she addressed you at a louder volume with a more official stature. “But I really need you to follow my instructions, SP-42.”

“Please, SP-42 was my father. My first name will be fine. I have a feeling we’ll be spending a lot of time together.” You quipped as you took off your armour, the rest of your clothes and changed into the uniform that was handed to you.

“Ah, the use of humour to distract one from the pain of their current situation.”

Your blood ran cold at the soft and quiet yet threatening voice, but you masked your discomfort quickly as Hemlock came into view. “Oh great, it’s SP-Fuckface.” You remarked crudely as you fixed him with an intense glare.

Emerie tensed up at the comment as she took your personal items from you and handed them to one of the troopers.

“Come now, I thought your people were above such vulgar words.” Hemlock fully came into the cell.

“My people and I tended to differ on a lot of things.” You responded icily.

“Indeed.” Hemlock mused.

You forced yourself to keep your eyes up and not look disgusted by the way he touched the half-skull insignia on your old top.

Hemlock nodded to the one of the troopers to take them away and he inhaled deeply before he gave you his full attention. “I must say, this has been a long-awaited reunion. I offer you my congratulations- the search for you always proved most troublesome, despite your rather public endeavours against the Empire. You were a hard one to predict. Even the information I’d been given ahead of time was not always relevant.”

“Sorry I couldn’t make my capture convenient for you.” You retorted as the troopers took your hands behind your back and secured the shackles to your wrists. You pulled against the chain to test it, but it was strong and only extended a short way, so the bitter metal of the shackles instantly dug into your skin.

Hemlock ignored you and kept to his train of thought, “So, imagine my surprise when I got word that you’d handed yourself in all those months ago.”

“What are-” The realisation that hit you brought with it an overwhelming nausea as you stared at him and the cruel smile on his face.

It had always been Hemlock.

From the moment he’d known what you were.

From the moment you escaped him and made the decision to stop hiding.

From the moment you handed yourself over to the Imperials on Christophsis.

It was never just any Imperial official that wanted you.

It all led back to him.

“The secure prison facility…” Your voice hoarse and barely above a whisper as you recalled the words of the Imperial’s that had been getting ready to transport you off Christophsis.

“Very good.” Hemlock complimented. “If it weren’t for the incompetence of those officers in charge of you, I would’ve had you here a lot sooner.”

You reminded yourself of your training as you felt your breathing quicken and the panic that flared in your gut. You got your emotions under control and made sure you presented yourself as if his words had no impact on you.

Hemlock nodded as he saw your reaction, or lack thereof. It only proved he was right to take this course of action with you. You were no mere specimen. “Do you know that little display of yours in the hallway caused several concussions and a few dislocated shoulders?”

“If you’re looking for an apology, you’re not going to find one here.” You snapped.

Hemlock simply gave you a cool smile, “You misunderstand. I know that was only a taste of what you are capable of and it’s that strength of yours will prove most useful to my operation here.”

The panic came back again. “Useful?” You repeated, determined to keep the quiver out your voice as he started to circle you. You kept your eyes firmly towards the door as you felt him pause by your side.

“You see, I have great plans for you.” Hemlock whispered into your ear.

His breath was cold against your skin, and you were fighting against every instinct that was telling you to flinch away.

“Why am I here?” Still managing to keep your voice steady.

“You are here because I wish to study you.” Hemlock let out a deep sigh as he breathed in the scent of your hair. “You are here because having someone with your talents will be most beneficial.” He stroked his hand down the back of your skull. “You are here because you are going to join my operatives. With you being a part of them, nothing will stop me from achieving my goal.”

You had to jerk away from him then, “No.” You breathed in horror. “Never.”

“The very fact that you think you will have a choice shows how little you understand your situation.”

The walls of the room felt like they were closing in around and you could feel your knees growing weak, but you pushed yourself to stay upright. “You can’t break me. Your fellow Imperials tried already.” But the low, mocking chuckle you got in reply deeply unnerved you.

“You will find my methods to be more… sophisticated than what you’re used to.”

You felt his gloved hand trace down your clothed back, following the exact pattern of the scars left behind after everything you endured on Christophsis. You forced down the bile that rose in your throat.

Hemlock traced the pinprick scar on your neck, enjoying the way you attempted to flinch away from him before your stubborn strength kicked in and you stood still. You would provide him a most stimulating challenge that he was yet to meet, even the other prisoner hadn’t resisted as much as he expected. “I focus far more on the mind than those imbeciles on Christophsis. Perhaps if they’d used their interrogation droid more wisely, I would’ve been reacquainted with you sooner.”

Your entire body went numb. His vile words were far more threatening than any of the Imperials and troopers you’d come across.

“They didn’t understand what they had in their possession, but I do. Your mind will become mine. You will be one of my operatives.”

“And if I don’t?” You would sooner die than join him and you knew he had to know that too.

Hemlock came round to stand in front of you once more. “Then your time here will be short-lived. But I hope we can avoid such an unpleasant outcome. After all, Omega’s fate could depend on it.”

You lunged forward but the chain tugged you backwards immediately.

“Take her vitals and return to the vault.” Hemlock ordered as he placed his hands behind his back and walked out.

It took everything in you to keep standing as Emerie drew a sample of your blood.

Emerie avoided eye contact with you. That entire interaction had her struggling not to bolt. She just kept her sights firmly on the vial as she stepped away from you and headed towards the door.

“Emerie.”

Emerie paused but kept her back to you.

“Look out for her, okay? She might not need it but it’s looking like I can’t be the one to be there for her if she does.”

Emerie nearly turned to face you, but she stopped herself and said nothing as she exited.

Only when Emerie left did you collapse to your knees on the stone ground and let the emotions leave you in frantic, terrified breaths.

You allowed yourself a moment to lose yourself in your situation before you regained your composure.

You adjusted yourself into as comfortable as a position you could manage.

You closed your eyes and allowed the Force to wrap you in its calming and secure presence.

He wouldn’t break you.

No matter what he thought he could do.

He wouldn’t get to you.

You would get out of here somehow.

Next Chapter>

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @arctrooper69, @andreaaxy, @dominoeffectsworld, @notgonnaedit , @allthingsimagines @nightmonkeysstuff, @jellybeanstacey0519 , @callsign-denmark , @superbookishhufflepuff

[vaulthunterlands]

BORDERLANDS COLLEGE AU

Stupid idea I had a few nights ago, don't think too hard about the inconsistencies in ages and stuff. Probably just doing Vault Hunters and a few other characters.

ROLAND

Majoring in cybersecurity. Good student, studies and gets consistently high grades. Has a well-formulated meal and workout plan. Also an RA on campus. Roland is the guy you go to if you have issues. He might not be great at "talking you through them" or "showing empathy" but he always has solid advice and is well-respected by his peers.

BRICK

I was going to say "Brick wouldn't go to college in canon" but this isn't canon babeyyyy. Brick is going into veterinary medicine. You may think this is completely off as a major for him, but I argue that his love for dogs is far greater than any challenge he may face in his education. Still a gym maniac. Roland is his RA, which means Roland is in charge of calming Brick down when he gets mad. Dating Mordecai. Also, unrelated but Brick in a philosophy class:

"Brick, can you tell us what you think about what Descartes said?"

"I PUNCH Descartes."

LILITH

Y'all are going to hate me for this but Lilith is a chemistry major. Girl loves fire, electricity, and acid so you can't tell me she wouldn't be a menace in her labs. (Also, before the first game was released her full title was "Dr. Lilith Cashlin, Mercenary Scientist") Only goes to class half the time but still does really well. Rooms with Mordecai and Brick. Huge crush on this RA she keeps seeing around

MORDECAI

BIRD MAAAAAN. Y'all already know this guy is doing two things on campus. 1) Majoring in Ornithology 2) Going to parties to get drunk. This man is the epitome of "college is for partying". Keeps birds in campus (not allowed) and is doing okay in his classes (he is hung over 80% of the time) (Mordy pls) Dating Brick.

PATRICIA TANNIS

Honestly, what field of science ISN'T this girl majoring in? She's insane(ly smart) and constantly gets perfect scores on all of her exams. Closest friends are Roland and the gang.

MARCUS

Why is he here??? What??? Marcus is the guy who runs the restaurant that is directly across the street from campus. *Phenomenal* food, but GOD is it pricey. Tends to not care about many of the students chilling (as long as they BUY SOMETHING)

SCOOTER

Doesn't go to this college but he's good friends with Roland and his pals. Likes to go out drinking with them on the weekends and is just all-in-all a cool guy to hang around with. Friends with Janey.

AXTON

BMOC. Captain of the football team. You can trust him! (He's the water boy.) Total jock but he's not an asshole about it. Majoring in Rehabilitation Science. He's... not the *best* student, but he does try and genuinely care about what he wants to do. Lives with Salvador, Maya, and Zer0 in a dorm.

SALVADOR

Culinary major. My man can COOK. He's the best cook in the dorm and no one will ever argue if he offers to cook. Really good student even though he parties all the time with Mordecai, Brick, and Axton. Lives with Maya, Axton, and Zer0.

ZER0

*Insert weeb joke here* They're a literature major. Not just because of the haiku, either. I feel like Zer0 would be fantastic in literature courses and understanding thr deeper meanings in texts. They are seen as a "weird kid" on campus. They do not care. Lives with Maya, Salvador, and Axton.

MAYA

The reason I made this list (big surprise, V does a huge post and it's Maya's fault), Maya majors in entomology. (S/O to @forbiddenpurplesoda for this because I've always thought Maya would be a bug girl) Maya is a phenomenal student and she always gets great marks in her studies. Lives with Axton, Sal and Zer0. Has at least one pet beetle that makes Axton panic.

GAIGE

Mechanical Engineering/Robotics major. Obviously built Deathtrap as a buddy because she felt a little lonely in her dorm. Calls her Dad every night. Has a huge crush on a girl in one of her math classes. Lives with...

KRIEG!!!!

Listen. Listen. Krieg majors in psychology. The *actual* football captain. Doesn't talk much and when he does, it's complete nonsense. (Everyone just goes "haha classic Krieg") Gaige gets along with him extremely well. Maya and him have a thing where they will just look at each other and think "holy shit they're so gorgeous). Always wears a face mask.

TINA

Child prodigy chemistry major, buddies with Lilith and Roland. But seriously, who let this kid in the lab? Like, okay, yeah, she knows what she's doing, but what she's doing is COMBUSTION REACTIONS. How is she still in school.

ELLIE

Engineering major. Lives in the building across from Roland and the gang. Absolute sweetheart and huge flirt but will also drop you on her ass if you threaten her friends.

MOXXI

I could see Moxxi as a professor of engineering, actually. Every student thinks she's gorgeous and she's learned to ignore it. Scooter and Ellie's Mom. Thinks their friends are funny.

HANDSOME JACK

Oh man, this one was tough. I decided on absolute tool you meet in college who's the head of a frat and thinks he's God's gift to women. Lives in the same building as Roland, Lilith, Brick, Mordecai, Salvador, Axton, Maya, Zer0, Gaige, and Krieg. Constantly getting into arguments with... basically everyone listed above. Majors in business.

ANGEL

She's an art major!!! She's super intelligent and aces all of her classes but she absolutely loves art. Jack is her brother in this AU. Has a crush on the cute punk girl in her math class but could never tell her. Lives in a single.

ALISTAIR HAMMERLOCK

Double majors in conservation biology and zoology! Finds the creatures that he studies absolutely fascinating and always has a bright disposition on his face. Lives in a single that looks exactly like you think it does (his room on Sanctuary III). Strained relationship with his sister.

ATHENA

Acient History Major, specifically interested in Ancient Greece (wonder why?). Works at Marcus' restaurant. Hates it. Pay her more. Has her eyes on a girl that frequents Marcus' restaurant. Tried to live with Wilhelm, Jack, Nisha, Timothy, and Claptrap for a semester, she is now a commuter. Still friends with Timothy.

WILHELM

Jack's second-in-command. People look at him like he's a dumbass, big hunk of meat, but he's also in a robotics major. Aside from being buddies with Jack, he's... kind of chill? Man likes what he likes and he works out pretty often. Boxes in his free time. Lives with Nisha, Jack, Timothy, and (formerly) Claptrap.

NISHA

Criminal justice major, naturally. Jack's girlfriend and the baddest and scariest bitch on campus. Likes watching old western movies. Never, ever shows up to class but still passes. No one knows how. Lives with Jack, Timothy, Wilhelm, and (formerly) Claptrap

CLAPTRAP

Theater major! Always has a smile on his face, even though he's nooooot very well-liked. Tried to get in with the popular guys but eventually figured out he was being used. He confronted Jack and Jack kicked him out of the dorm 😔 Lives... well, he kind of just lives around Roland's dorm. Roland's too nice to say no.

TIMOTHY

I feel like Tim would be a Biology major. I don't know why but I can see him in that field. Looks SCARILY similar to Jack, and hates this. Unfortunately put into a room with Jack, Wilhelm, Nisha, and (formerly) Claptrap. Misses Athena greatly and wishes she still lived on campus. They're still good friends.

AURELIA HAMMERLOCK

Oh good lord, who let her on a college campus. Has an extravagant single room because she's *rich* and she's not sharing with someone else are you insane? Studies law because this bitch wants to be a judge someday. Absolutely hates to be seen with her brother Alistair. Rivalry with another rich law student makes this even more tense.

JANEY SPRINGS

Doesn't go to this college but she knows a few people around campus and hits up Marcus' restaurant for a bite to eat every so often. The food is just so good, right? No other reason. None at all. Friends with Scooter.

RHYS STRONGFOK

Rhys is a business and economics major. Is in Jack's frat. Is getting increasingly sick of Jack's shit. Buddy buddy with Vaughn, Fiona, and Zer0. Dating Sasha.

VAUGHN

Accounting major. Man has a mind like a steel trap, and also enjoys bodybuilding. Best friends with Rhys, good friends with Fiona and Sasha.

FIONA

I genuinely feel like Fiona would be a nursing or Healthcare major. I have no basis for this, it just feels right for her. Hates Jack and keeps telling Rhys to tell him to fuck off. Friends with Rhys and Vaughn, Sasha's older sister.

SASHA

Social work major! Loves helping people and wants to make a change in the world after she and Fiona grew up in less-than-ideal circumstances. Dating Rhys, also keeps telling Rhys to get away from Jack. Friends with Vaughn.

MOZE

Transfer student. Served in the military for a while before deciding she wanted to go to college. Undecided major but she's just trying to focus on the pretty women I mean her grades haha am I right? ALWAYS at Marcus'. Always. Lives with Zane, Amara, and FL4K.

FL4K

FL4K has Mr. Chew, Broodless and Meat-Thief as emotional support animals. I can see FL4K as a double major in zoology and veterinary medicine. Loves their pets. Super chill unless you speak badly about them or their pets. Will shank a bitch. Lives with Zane, Moze, and Amara.

AMARA

Healthcare studies major, with a focus on pathology. Also a bodybuilder. Also a boxer. Amara is that girl and she knows it. Always asking Moze to work out with her and she is completely oblivious to Moze being head over heels. Will fight someone being mean to a customer service worker. Lives with Zane, Moze, and FL4K.

ZANE

Pop pop went back to college! No but in this AU Zane is probably older than everyone but not that much older. His major was tough for me, but I honestly think he'd be a good candidate for a major in rehabilitation science with Axton. Also LOVES parties.

WAINWRIGHT JAKOBS

His Father wanted him to go into Business to take over the family legacy but he decided to go into law to "protect the little guy". Has daily arguments with this stuck-up, pretentious "harpy" that's in most of his classes. She's awful. Has a crush on this well-spoken man in zoological studies. At least that will take his mind off of the harpy.

TROY CALYPSO

Troy is a media and communications major. Has a fantastic time making videos and being admin of many social media pages but doesn't do very well in class because he dislikes most of his professors. Has a very close relationship with his sister, Tyreen.

TYREEN CALYPSO

Double major in Art History and Theater. Loves to be the center of attention and often stars in her brother's videos and projects. She loves it. A little full of herself. Close with her brother, Troy.

TYPHON DELEON

OKAY WAIT WAIT DON'T CLOSE THE POST HEAR ME OUT.

Cringe boomer history professor that can be easily distracted by him telling his stories of his many adventures (no one knows if they're true or not). Troy and Tyreen's Father. NOT a piss poor Dad in this AU, just embarrassing as all hell. Pretty decent guy but he's okay as a professor. (Please guys let me have my "Typhon is a good cringe embarrassing boomer dad to the Calypsos" AU)

OKAY this was a really long post and I probably forgot someone but I'm sure I'll hear about it LMAO. Also I don't know every single college major and its appropriate title, I just went off of vibes. Pls be nice 2 me

[sixx-sixx-sixx]

TEASER: Cooper “The Ghoul” Howard x female!OC - The Trader’s Daughter

I just wanted to hop on here and share a little bit of what I’ve been working on to contribute to the Cooper Howard fangirls 😭😂 Please let me know your thoughts and feedback is always appreciated!!

Synopsis:

Daisy is the daughter of an ex-vault dweller/wasteland forager named Josiah, who escaped the vault when she was only a child. In his time exploring the wasteland for the benefit of the vault, Josiah meets Cooper “The Ghoul” Howard, who becomes a lifelong acquaintance after a few heated run-ins. Cooper pulls some strings and uses his connections to get Josiah a safe place for him and his daughter, where Josiah becomes a trader of chems and anything else you could want from a trading post.

The Ghoul goes out of his way to make sure Josiah and his flower are well taken care of, and Josiah makes sure that Cooper gets the chems he needs to ward off going feral. Throws in some extra when he sees that Coop’s making an effort to get his kid to gain basic survival skills. (There’s totally a “they were roommates” vibe between her dad and Cooper, but I’m not going too in depth on any of that) Daisy’s just thankful to have a fun time when her Coop comes to visit.

As the years go by, Cooper’s visits to the shop become less frequent, stopping completely when our protagonist is 14. Daisy never stops thinking about the man who her dad trusted more than anyone in the wasteland, the ghoul who frequently went out of his way to bring her small trinkets from his travels as a bounty hunter.

Cooper returns to the trading post after over a decade. Except now, the once welcoming community has become more barbaric, with less smiling faces and more fighting and outlaws. By all means, it was your average wasteland town. He’s surprised to walk into Josiah’s trading post and see a breathtaking young woman come out from the back room, the type of woman men would go to war over in ancient times.

Shocked to see her ghoul standing in front of her, seeing him for the first time as a grown woman, with a grown woman brain and a grown woman body. Daisy had spent many years thinking about him, developed a crush in her teenage years that had bloomed in her chest for a decade. She knew that there was nothing there, there couldn’t be, he was her father’s closest acquaintance for years. He’d watched her grow up, essentially. No way she had a chance, but still, it didn’t hurt to yearn for the irradiated cowboy.

- so yeah. That’s like, the gist of what’s going on so far, it’s definitely not fully fleshed out, but I wanted to post some kind of teaser/synopsis of what I’ve got written messily in my notes app 😅 I want this to be multi part, not sure how many parts yet, but I definitely have at least 4 sections of blurbs in my notes that are going to turn into 4 parts. It’ll be slow burn, definitely a little big of dad’s best friend cooper (I’m just a girl, I can’t help it), definitely some daddy issues at some point, and diverges from canon probably a LOT because I’ve got a general idea of the fallout universe but it’s by no means comprehensive. The first part/chapter is probably gonna be her background, why her dad escaped the vault/maybe how he got acquainted with cooper.

- I also haven’t written anything in years, so be gentle with me 😭

[conarcoin]

MCYT-related fandoms that should be Yuletide eligible

Yuletide is an annual holiday fic exchange for rare fandoms! Nominations are currently open, more information here. You must be 18+ to participate in Yuletide.

Bolded fandoms were nominated last year. This only names canonical fandoms, but you can also nominate fandoms that aren't canonized on AO3.

The list is long, so if you want the shorter list of ineligible fandoms, those would be: 3rd Life SMP | Last Life SMP Series, Dream SMP, Empires SMP, Hermitcraft SMP and Lifesteal SMP. Everything else is eligible.

100 Hours Hardcore SMP

30 Day SMP | Free Trial SMP

Afterlife SMP

Aimsey SMP

Area Unknown SMP

Art of Survival SMP

Bear SMP

Cogchamp SMP

Color Crew (Video Blogging RPF)

Content SMP

Dominion SMP

Enderbomb (Webcomic)

Epic SMP

Evolution SMP

Fable SMP

Fairy Tail Origins (Web Series)

Fuga Impossível (Web Series)

Generation Loss (Web Series)

House Builder Gang | HBG SMP

iDots SMP

IvoryCello's Prison Escapes (Web Series)

Kaboodle SMP

Karmaland SMP

Legacy SMP

Mer SMP

Mianite (Web Series)

MindCrack RPF

Minecraft Diaries - Aphmau (Web Series)

The Misfits (Podcast)

MyStreet - Aphmau (Web Series)

My Inner Demons - Aphmau (Web Series)

New Life SMP

Ordem Paranormal (Web Series)

Origins of Olympus (Web Series)

Origins SMP

Outsiders SMP

Pirates SMP

Rats SMP

SadSMP

SDMP | Sleep Deprived SMP

Shady Oaks SMP

Showtime SMP

Siege SMP

SkyBound SMP

Sleep Deprived (Podcast)

Slimecicle Cinematic Universe (Web Series)

SMPEarth

SMPLive

SOS SMP

Stampy's Lovely World (Web Series)

Team Crafted

The Cube SMP

The Group Chat - TheGroop (Podcast)

The Haunted - RejectedShotgun (Web Series)

Tiredtwt (Video Blogging RPF)

Tortillaland SMP

Vault Hunters SMP

WHITEPINE - IvoryTV (Web Series)

WitchCraft SMP

X Life SMP

Yandere High School (Web Series)

[lavend-ler]

BORDERLANDS: DEBT OR ALIVE BOOK REVIEW

I have read the new Borderlands book Debt Or Alive. I did not like it. In fact, I hated it so much I needed to pour out my thoughts in this review. It’ll be very long, so bear this in mind while reading through it because it’s been a while since a piece of media has made me this angry.

There will be spoilers to ALL of the book so you’ve been warned. I am going to analyze this book very thoroughly so everything that can be spoiled will be spoiled.

TL;DR – I hated this book. I accept Borderlands 3, I think it’s fine and I really like aspects of it. I wasn’t enthusiastic about New Tales From The Borderlands but in the end, I thought it was fine. But Debt Or Alive? It’s probably the only piece of Borderlands media that I won’t consider canon from this point forward. Half-assed story with shallow characters and ham-fisted message which retroactively ruins the events of the game(s). Don’t buy it, don’t waste your time on this just to see the worst version of characters you love.

A more detailed review will be under the cut. It’s over 10k long.

1. Tales From The Borderlands made even worse

I have a complicated relationship with Tales From The Borderlands. I think my best friend had put it in the best way – Tales From The Borderlands is good when you don’t think about it for too long. For me, it’s a fun game to play once every 4 years, remember the story and move on. The more you think about it, the more apparent the cracks get and the worse it becomes.

Debt Or Alive REALLY makes you think about Tales From The Borderlands in the worst way possible.

I have always thought that Fiona’s part of the story is weaker than Rhys’. It’s told in a way that sort of meanders until it’s reached its conclusion. The first sin Debt Or Alive commits is that the ending of Tales is its beginning. What should be the conclusion, the nice ribbon to tie the story is now the jumping off point. In my opinion, it’s always a terrible narrative decision to make your sequel start where the story left off. It always implies the fact that your conclusion is meaningless and that your characters didn’t learn anything. To write a new story, you need more challenges which also means that characters need new struggles. In Debt Or Alive’s case, it means that everything that happened in Tales isn’t worth a thing.

To me, nothing was more apparent of it here than the Vault scene. The Vault of the Traveler grants a wish to everyone who steps there. The Vault should be the conclusion to what we know of the characters and sort of “off screen” this happens to Rhys. We see Fiona hear that Rhys wishes for Atlas and that’s the end of his story in Tales. Though I will touch upon why I didn’t like this later, it does make narrative sense, he was supposed to be more independent and choose his own path instead of following others. It’s a ribbon that ties to his character in Borderlands 3 and New Tales From The Borderlands.

Then it’s time for Fiona and… Oh, yeah. What would SHE wish for? Throughout Tales, we see Fiona evolve as a character from the ragged con-artist who wishes to just go by, to the independent and certain Vault Hunter. Or do we? Yes, there is a moment in which Sasha dies which would be traumatic for Fiona but she’s from Pandora. She should know the dangers of living and instead, she should be happy that she came back as the hero. In the ending of Tales, we can hear Fiona say “This [Vault hunting] life…suits me” so she already reconciled the danger and in fact, she welcomes it. But to make this half-assed story be a thing, we have to disregard this entirely.

So in the Vault, Fiona is given a chance to wish for anything she wants. What does she wish for? Nothing, actually. Presented with an opportunity of a lifetime, Fiona has no idea what to wish for. I can’t even begin to tell you how bad of either an opener or an ending this is for her character. For an opener, we have a protagonist who doesn’t know what she wants and where she needs to go. Sure, it’s a start for an arc but not for Fiona who already DID have it. It’s an arc she had earned, so why would she have a restart and go through this all over again? And as an ending, it’s a terrible reminder that Fiona probably didn’t learn a thing. The time in the Vault was for nothing, Athena didn’t teach her anything. Burch doesn’t know his character well enough to think of anything for her to wish for.

Hence the whole journey moving forward truly is just a bad rehash. If Fiona didn’t learn a thing about herself and needs to do it again but worse, what’s the point of this story? To see her come to the same conclusion as she did at the end of Tales but worse? The answer is yes. As this story suggests Fiona is a protagonist who doesn’t know what to do with her life and just wants to protect her sister and that’s all. Which is the exact same point her character was at, at the beginning of Tales.

Actually, why did the Vault have to grant wishes, anyway? It doesn’t make sense for neither Fiona nor Rhys and even later, Gaige cements that this didn’t have to be the case. Part of the charm which Tales From The Borderlands brought was the story of everyday people. This wasn’t a story of glorious Vault Hunters with great stamina and luck, who chose the adventure for the guns and glory. This was a story of a middle manager and a con artist, two unremarkable people who were basically forced onto this adventure from outside forces and because of their will became heroes of their own stories. It’s a story of normal people who have made their own self-made destiny.

Debt Or Alive, of course, scoffs at this idea. Rhys’ Vault wish for Atlas makes no sense as he already has Atlas and already probably works under this trademark. It doesn’t mean a thing that he wishes for the whole legal action thing, when his character progression to have Atlas from Jack would be so good. But no, it’s cosmic power that grants him that wish fully. Fiona too, she was supposed to be a self-made Vault Hunter but in the end (or the beginning), she rejects this and doesn’t know what to wish for. Just an absolutely horrible way of planning out her character. No one wants a passive character and this is what this story makes Fiona to be – a bystander, rather than an igniter.

I also want to point out that the events of Tales and characters she meets are truly nothing but cameos. A big part of Fiona’s story was gaining independence when her father figure Felix turned out to be a snake who sold them out. Within Tales, it’s very clear that Felix was abusive towards Fiona and Sasha, forcing them into roles they didn’t want, favoring Fiona and making them live such a strict life, they thought it was the best they could get. Of course, none of this is ever touched upon in Debt Or Alive. It’s never mentioned that Fiona is an abuse survivor and how it would shape her as a person with her protectiveness and willingness to give up greatness for simply “good enough”, and being held to impossible standards. There are also barely any mentions of Athena and their time together. At no point does Fiona use tactics she had learnt from Athena or recounts their time. Those are passive mentions which make Fiona look like she didn’t learn a thing.

My own ribbon that ties this section will be the funniest thing that for me exposes how much Tales is made worse. Tales From The Borderlands is a game in which choices DO NOT matter. There are no consequences and each choice will yield the same outcome. Again, it’s just meaningless and it’s so funny to me that this book wants to wink at the audience becoming a “choose your own adventure” book in two sections, which both lead to the same result. It truly does not mean a thing.

2. Anthony Burch cannot write women and Fiona’s character assassination

Anthony Burch cannot write women. This is a fact that I wanna point out every single time I can because it was never more apparent to me than in this book. Let’s start with women in Borderlands and the stories which he had written for them. Maya has a good theme but falls flat when she’s only an object for Kreig to lust over. Nisha is Burch’s sexual fantasies coming true in a gross way. Athena in Tales is made only stone cold, no-fun character who is a liar to someone who loves. Janey in Tales is made to be an overbearing girlfriend trope but it’s progressive because she’s a lesbian. Vallory is a collection of tropes. So on and so forth.

Hence right from the beginning, I was very skeptical of a book by Burch which will have the most female-driven cast in all of Borderlands. My skepticism was proved not only to be right but also that it was much worse than I had realized. Because I haven’t even shown you the issues of Fiona and Sasha and trust me, there are some even in Tales. However from Tales I could very easily tell you what character traits Fiona and Sasha have and what differentiated them.

Fiona, as described in Tales promotional material is a con-artist with a heart of gold. She has been raised on streets, she loves money and she has a silver tongue to get out of every situation she’s in. Fiona also cares about those she loves a lot, as an older sister she can get overbearing but her situation in life made her realize that it’s justifiable. She can also be a nerd, she’s curious and fun, likes to joke around. Sasha is a character who loves danger far more than Fiona. She likes guns and has great knowledge of them, she’s more a doer than a talker. Sasha doesn’t want the con life and longs for something tangible, rather than just be a prize in the books. She also has an inferiority complex, due to Felix’ abuse which she masks with her forwardness and action personality. She shines through when she can do things she loves, becoming headstrong, honest and independent.

Do you really think we’ll get any of this in this book?

The answer is no and it’s very easy to tell it right from the start. I know I keep getting back to the Vault scene but trust me, this is the culprit from which I knew this book will be a failure. In this scene, Fiona doesn’t know what to wish for, so she “wishes” that Sasha was there. This wish is granted and it’s now both sisters in the Vault. From this you can see the issue – this book does not treat Fiona and Sasha as separate characters. They ALWAYS have to be together, always mention each other, they’re basically never given a room to breathe because whenever a scene calls for just Fiona or just Sasha, their internal monologue will keep mentioning the other.

I can’t even really make a case for either of the characters individually because this book itself makes such a bad case with them. I’ll give it my best shot because when these moments occur they are, well, bad. I’ll start with Sasha because I have less to say since the book itself had less to say about her too. There is a certain moment in which Sasha, being tired of Fiona’s carefulness, goes Vault hunting with Gaige. I was very happy at this, since I have shipped Sasha and Gaige before and I thought their personalities would mesh well. Yet, in this particular instance, Sasha isn’t enjoying anything regarding Vault hunting and the danger, while constantly thinking of Fiona. Why is that, why wouldn’t she be thrilled for the adventure and getting to know another person like Gaige more? They could bond and start a friendship but in the end, they barely talk and Sasha isn’t into it. Even guns don’t excite her that much. What happened to her?

I think even her reflections towards life after death are very much shallow and omitted. We get a sense of it, we get that Sasha is terrified that there’s nothing when she dies but we’re not given anything of it. I figured this would be her turning point, that Sasha will realize that if there’s nothing afterwards, it’s best to live her life to the fullest, going on adventures, not wasting chances. But nothing like this has happened. Sasha doesn’t enjoy Vault hunting, she shrugs at guns, she can’t have her own fulfillments, her relationship with Rhys is wishy-washy. You’d think that with sudden realization of death, Sasha would have a breaking point and start thinking if it’s all worth it and how her life should now be like. But that would require interesting philosophical questions that Burch doesn’t want to answer. Not when they lose the life-giving crystal, nor when Sasha dies a second time when she chooses to. It’d be such an interesting discussion of the meaning of life, how Sasha approaches life and what it all means to her but no. Not given any thought to this. At the end it’s not even unique to her as Fiona dies and is brought to life too so again, no point.

Another faucet to her character is the on and off relationship with Rhys and just… I was never a fan of shipping Sasha and Rhys together and this book reminded me of it in the worst possible way. Sasha is disinterested with Rhys’ world and they never mesh well together, having such different goals in life. She doesn’t even want to acknowledge their relationship, leaving Rhys to look like a sad wet sock (more on that later). It’s described how she’s used to acting a certain way and that’s fair, that’s a huge roadblock in a relationship. But we never see this roadblock get pushed. Sasha at the end of the book is still terrified of the potential relationship and doesn’t want this. We only learn that one time she calls him her boyfriend off screen, which is just such a cop out I can’t begin to describe it. I’m so sorry, Sasha, you deserve an actual relationship not just Burch’s fantasies.

So I move to the main character of the story, Fiona. And oh god, how badly has Burch treated Fiona, words cannot describe it but they will try. From the beginning, we see one of Fiona’s traits be amped up to 11 – her protectiveness which turns into overbearingness. Constantly, we are reminded that Sasha died and Fiona can’t forgive herself. Which is fair but again… We saw her happy and fulfilled at the end of Tales. But since Tales doesn’t matter and probably it’s better if it didn’t exist, it gets shrugged off. May I remind you, this book starts right as Tales ended. Which is a year later from the start. Which means Fiona is 30 and Sasha is 25. Their actions do not portray two characters of this age, especially Fiona’s towards Sasha’s.

Look, I’m 24 and I have a sister who’s 33, so close-ish range to them. If my sister would do the things that Fiona did to Sasha I would be pissed off as all hell because guess what, my adult sister does consider me an adult woman. Unlike apparently Fiona and Sasha. Because for Sasha’s “safety” Fiona puts her into a fucking jail on a planet they do not know, just towards her “safety”. Yes, it’s regarded as dumb and wrong in the book and that Fiona knows that Sasha would pull through but it’s just mind boggling to me that Fiona would even do that. She should know her sister. But then throughout the book we see Fiona acting like know all be all authority to her, constantly second guessing her actions and opinions and being completely overbearing. I’m sorry but her apology at the end doesn’t make it remotely okay to be so controlling of Sasha.

I guess that’s the point. In my opinion, this book is a character assassination for Fiona. People will whine and moan over how Rhys got ruined in Borderlands 3 and New Tales but no, I had and will always disagree with this. But Fiona in Debt Or Alive? Burch truly showed how he has no clue how to write female characters because she is completely ruined here. None of her actions make sense, neither do her choices, the little character she has is so unlikeable and I just can’t believe he thought it was all good.

The best way to show you how Fiona got ruined is to have a little overview of Fiona as a character before and her background. She is a Pandoran, born and “raised” there, through the life of crime and bribery. Her biological parents died, she only has Sasha with her. Thus she feels responsible for her and their wellbeing. Fiona also had Felix, a man who brought her and Sasha with him and raised them in a very abusive manner. Fiona all her life had lived in poverty, struggling to get by with her cons, constantly having Felix make her think she’s responsible for the failures or successes of the group all on her own. She lived in a caravan, she barely had any money to her name. She’s no stranger to the climate and cruelty of Pandora, having lived there all her life, though she herself prefers the “word” combat.

Got it? Well, now forget it because that’s what Burch did in his book.

I know that wealth can change people, I really do and the sum of money Fiona and Sasha received is enormous. What I don’t understand is that they both did a complete 180 on their perspectives. I do realize that living in poverty all their life, Fiona would start spending money on dumb things but to hammer home this fact, Burch tries really hard to show us how dumb some of the purchases are. But would she really act like this in this setting? First, it’s hard for me to believe that she would willingly move to Eden-5, seeing the corrupted system and life in which it operates. It’s just Pandora but with chrome paint on it. Yet, Fiona doesn’t see red flags and just continues on living, buying dumb shit. We don’t learn anything new about her through this either, it’s just a dumb thing after dumb thing. Why couldn’t it start with things that she really wanted and then move on to unnecessary things? I think it’s because Burch couldn’t even establish what her wishes would be from Pandoran times.

What also made me just want to throw this book away was that it took Fiona around 200 pages to realize that people who work for her are also bound by debt. It’s such a nearsighted thing, I cannot believe that she would do it. Especially since I think we’re led to believe that this book happened in the span of 4-5 years. For Fiona to be this bound by greed and wealth doesn’t fit her character at all. How could she just not see that people who work for her have been tortured by poverty? Up until this point, Fiona lived in poverty herself, she should KNOW that this is a thing people struggle with. Not to mention, in the book there are talks about how people have multiple debt cuffs on them. It’s unacceptable that Fiona wouldn’t care about those who were beneath her. And if she really did, do you think this makes her character any more likable? And do you think that her turn around is a moment of triumph when we’re led to believe she ignored those people for YEARS?

I think the story itself just makes you shrivel at one moment in particular. Fiona purchases a sapphire kitten, which shatters. Classic Borderlands humor, right? This moment truly disturbed me but not in a way that Burch wanted but for the implications. Fiona spends money on bullshit she doesn’t want just to have it. Who else spent money on unneeded bullshit just to show wealth? Handsome Jack. And when you’re comparing your hero to the most vile villain from the series, I don’t think it’s a good sign. Especially since in canon Handsome Jack loved and cared for Butt Stallion. Unlike Fiona.

Even the breaking point moment of Fiona, the destruction of Rustville, felt shallow. Reading this, I couldn’t help but to go back to the moment of Helios’ destruction in Tales. It was such an incredible moment for Rhys, seeing the destruction of a place that was close to him, death of people who he knew and respected. And seeing this “reprise” of sorts with Fiona just felt shallow. At this point, Fiona was in Rustville around 3 times if I can recall? She met people but didn’t form any meaningful relationships (because Burch doesn’t want either of the sisters to have meaningful relationships besides each other) or got to know anyone better. These were all one off interactions with random people. Unlike Rhys, it wasn’t Fiona’s choice to destroy Rustville. It was only an act that she maybe sort of allowed to happen but it was an action of one rich woman. Fiona had no agency in her actions, there was nothing she could’ve done to neither prevent it nor cause it. Thirdly, Fiona is a Pandoran. She should know the carnage, death and destruction, as it is ingrained in Pandora’s system and society. For her to act so devastated and shocked, it simply doesn’t make sense.

Another thing is that this story really dumbs Fiona down, to the points that I couldn’t comprehend how dumb she was. She goes alone to Tetanus Wilds, even if with Sasha she’d have more chances. Especially since she was going to Gaige’s stash and let’s be real – Sasha knows guns, Fiona does not. Fiona goes to destroy Rustville without any weapons and without any protection which of course results in her basically getting killed. Fiona takes a leap of faith thinking she’d die in the ditch but forgets that Deathtrap can fly and catch her. How would she forget if she was tinkering with him before? The same way she’d forget her weapons it seems.

I also wanted to mention how it always made sense to me that Fiona and Sasha would have a falling out in some part of the story, so both of the sisters would become independent and chase their own destinies. It would require Burch to stop thinking of them as a singular character, which does not happen. This part in particular made me especially angry. A skilled writer would make Fiona’s overbearingness and constant promises to be a start of Sasha realizing she needs to live her own life, Fiona as well. Anthony Burch is not a skilled writer so nothing of such happens.

Within Debt Or Alive we don’t learn anything new regarding neither Fiona nor Sasha. We are spoon fed information that we already know, seeing characters we love either devolve to their pre-Tales state or make terrible, nonsensical decisions. There are no moments in which  either of the sisters can breathe on their own. They are thrown into situations where something just has to happen. Thus, we don’t learn anything about them as people.

I also want to point out that the writing of Gaige is fine. I’ll talk more about this later but she truly was fine and I didn’t see issues with how her character was carried. Granted, I think it’s very hard to screw up writing Gaige but it’s Burch, he can do it all. I’m still sad that she’s a lonely outcast like in Borderlands 3 but in general, I didn’t have issues with either her writing or the story.

3. There will never be another Handsome Jack and the death of a good villain

Some of you have already started to roll your eyes at the mention of Handsome Jack but trust me, I have a point here to make. Whenever you hear people talk about Handsome Jack a special kind of sentence emerges – a villain you love to hate. I think this sentence is a great guide to creating your villain so that they’re impactful, fit the story, be likable enough to want to be with them but you’re happy when you get to kill them. And nothing made me feel like it’s a craft long gone than reading Debt Or Alive.

Countess Holloway is a nothing villain. She truly doesn’t represent anything and I can’t tell you anything of what she is as a person. Actually, it can boil down to one sentence – she’s rich and she’s evil. That’s all there is to her character but I guess it goes to show that even then, Burch cannot write women.

Going a little deeper, we gotta discuss the parts that make a good villain. I’m sorry for the comparisons to Handsome Jack but we really need to talk about what makes him great and what makes Holloway shallow.

On the surface level, the points are there. A villain needs to be connected to your heroes in a specific way, having an impact on their lives. Holloway does meet that quota, as she’s not only the motor for this story but also is actually the reason why Fiona and Sasha got rich in the first place. She is a vain person, who loves to live for shallow things and doesn’t care about the rest. From this point of view, we could think that Holloway serves as a reminder to Fiona and Sasha of “be careful who you can become” but neither of them have this revelation. Throughout the story, Fiona and Sasha basically do turn into Holloway, yet nothing of it is neither stated nor explored. It’s not a revelation that characters have, it’s what we think when we connect the dots.

When we start to think more, it all begins to fall apart. The key thing that lacks here is motivation. Looking back at Handsome Jack, it was clear how his goals were stated – he was a nobody who became somebody by his charisma and cunning ways. Now he projects his awful world views on others and it’s your job to stop him. There’s also the fact that his daughter Angel works for him and killing her for Jack is the breaking point. You see him be cruel, vain and abusive but you see his more “human” side that does not excuse his actions (I am looking away from Tales) but makes you understand how much of a terrible person he is and how he deserves to die. It’s effective and fantastic storytelling and his personality makes you want to be around him, even if he’s an awful person who deserves to die.

Let’s go back to Holloway and examine her as I described the traits of a good villain via Jack. Holloway’s motivation is that 7 years ago Gaige murdered her daughter Marcie and now she wants revenge on her. This is already a problem, as this is a passive goal. Holloway is presented as an arrogant woman who doesn’t like to get her hands dirty, hence she can’t kill Gaige on her own. Understandable but also she doesn’t seem very interested in it anyway? She wants to kill Gaige but passively. There’s a bounty on Gaige but Holloway doesn’t have a squad to look after her. Wouldn’t it be more interesting if Holloway had people looking for Gaige and when they die she swiftly replaces them with another one? It would be active but instead we’re presented this information as “well, maybe Gaige dies or maybe she doesn’t, idk, it’s alright either way”.

Another point is that Holloway is a very shallow character. In general, yes but in her actions too. What do we really know about her? She is rich, vain, vengeful, powerful and likes to spend money on frivolous things. Sure but that’s so basic you could tell this about so many other villains it wouldn’t make a difference. There is nothing in her nor in her behavior that would be an indicator of any interesting persona or character. Holloway just exists and we’re told that she’s evil. Wonderful character writing, gotta say.

We’re introduced to Countess Holloway in a way that she is the potential buyer of the Typhon DeLeon Vaultlander figure. Why would she want this? We’re not told nor shown. Thinking of it logically, we could say that it’s supposed to show us that Holloway likes to spend money on whatever bullshit she wants, which is fair. But wouldn’t it make it more sense if after the death of her child, Holloway became obsessed with Vault Hunters, knowing the murderer of her child became one? How did she start researching stories of Vault Hunters and think about how much she hates them, which would lead to her gaining knowledge? This way, Holloway could’ve been prepared for the attacks of Vault Hunters and Vault Hunter wannabes, since she would predict it all. Or even set a lure with a promise of amazing loot. Nothing like this happens.

Even the death of Marcie isn’t exactly a driving point to Holloway. When Angel dies in Borderlands 2, you see the impact it has on Handsome Jack. You know he’s an abusive parent yet even within this, he still acts as sort of father of the year type and constantly manipulates you, saying this is your fault. For Holloway, it seemed that the death of her child just happened and yeah, she’s pissed but you know, things happen. She doesn’t mention who Marcie was, even in her shallow understanding of it. It could’ve made a very interesting character bit where she would tell lies about Marcie, as she was more of a commodity to and of Holloway than anything else. Instead, Marcie’s death isn’t really a drive for Holloway, it’s just a thing that happened and she’s kinda bummed about this.

Is Holloway an imposing force, a ticking clock of sorts? No, she is not. We’re told that during all their stay on Eden-5 (again, around 4 or 5 years), Fiona and Sasha are neighbors with Holloway and nothing is done with it. They’re not anxious that she could strike at any moment or that she could catch Gaige. They don’t care about Gaige actually. That’s why Holloway makes a very poor villain in the imposing sense. There’s no impact of hers and her power felt throughout the book, when Fiona and Sasha can happily live next to her and nothing happens.

The only interesting display of her power is during the gala at Fiona and Sasha’s place, where Holloway shows that she can very easily change the whole Elite’s perspectives regarding the sisters. Yes, it’s a good moment for Holloway but it also truly makes me think how shallow she is as a character. First, the fact that Fiona fell for the Claptrap Vaultlander is another testament of how dumbed down she was. Burch, you made a whole joke about how Claptrap sucks at the beginning and how Fiona hates him, the least you could do was to think that she’d immediately throw this away (especially since you’ve established that Fiona is frivolous with her possessions now).

Second, it’s such a bait and switch moment for Holloway and the whole Elite. I get what it was trying to accomplish, it was for us to see that the Elites are stupid and will follow anyone as it goes. But wouldn’t it be better that out of her hatred for Fiona and Sasha she would work behind the scenes, telling other Elites how they are just stupid Pandorans who can’t achieve anything? It could’ve been a carefully plotted plan with instances that the blackmail was happening hinted at throughout the story but that would require the time when Fiona and Sasha spent on Eden-5 to mean something (it does not) and Holloway to have an ounce of personality and planning skills (she does not).

Another thing that Holloway for me lacks is the backstory. To create a good villain you must make us believe that they had a reason to do all that so we can hate them even more. I think in general, Borderlands does a great job with this, with Knoxx, Handsome Jack, of course, Colonel Zarpedon and the twins. But Holloway? We do not know anything about Holloway’s life. It was probably done so the billionaire character is just a shallow representation of this world but it makes for a very boring and one note character. We don’t know how she got this money, if she lived all her life like this and hates outsiders who she thinks are unworthy of this. Or is it a thing she got later in life thus is so cutthroat about this because she doesn’t wanna go back to poverty. No, you just get a one note shallow villain with no motivation and nothing to play off of.

Even her death is such a nothing death too. Throughout the book we see everyone trying to get at her and eliminate her and not succeed. It’s why Gaige is here, it’s a whole moral dilemma for Fiona and Sasha to grasp upon. As much as Holloway is baiting them to do this but calling them cowards and the sisters just lamenting over how they should’ve done this, you’d think Holloway would get her way. Possibly being quite literally torn to shreds by the sisters, Gaige and the poor people of Eden-5. I mean, it’s Borderlands, deaths like these could happen! But no, she just falls to her death. Even Gaige didn’t deserve to get a shot at her, it seems.

4. The themes of why all billionaires deserve to die or lack therefore of

In a now deleted tweet, Anthony Burch describes Debt Or Alive as a book about how “all billionaires deserve to die”. Why he had deleted this, I have no idea and I’m not here to speculate. However, I did not forget this tweet and throughout reading Debt Or Alive I kept reminding myself of itt. It should be the credo of this book, right? Or at least it once was. That is why, I wanted to simply sit down and speculate, what does this tweet actually mean for the themes of this book.

(This screen isn’t mine, I didn’t get to screenshot it when it was up)

I am a leftist, my politics are very much so on the left. My expertise lies in environmental issues and I know less about socio-economics but it’s fine because it seems that Anthony Burch himself doesn’t know much about this. Hence while reading Debt Or Alive, I asked myself the same question over and over. Let’s say I’m a person who likes Borderlands, likes Fiona and Sasha, isn’t too involved in politics and now I read Debt Or Alive – will this book convince me to learn more of the theory or think that all billionaires should die? In a way yes but in none of the right meaning of such speculations.

On the planet of Eden-5, it seems that life is determined by money and social status. Even the smallest crimes (or rather inconveniences towards the wealthy) will result in you getting a debt cuff. The imagery is already very ham-fisted but let’s go forward with this idea. What are the debt cuffs? I can’t really tell you how they work. While reading I couldn’t have deduced how exactly they operate with that premise. 

First thing is that a person can have multiple debt cuffs but it is never specified if the cuffs ever reach their limit in amount of money on it. As we see Fiona and Sasha get their cuffs and then we learnt you can get multiple, it truly got me thinking – how is that possible? How is it possible to get another, if the screens are digital (and they are described to be digital) how can they reach the limit and be forced to get another? In a highly technological society like Borderlands, nonetheless? How are the body parts chosen for this process? Fiona gets one on her ankle (I think, either this or arm, I forgot) but Sasha gets one on her neck. There are people who have so many cuffs they can’t walk anymore. How can they have so many?

Truth be told, we won’t learn anything about the cuffs or how people operate with them. We simply know they are very common and every citizen of Rustville is described to wear one. Even children, in an incredibly not subtle way, are described to wear “debt cuffs 4 kidz!”. We’re told the cuffs are very heavy but people live with them. We won’t learn who manufactures them, who is in charge of the law to give them away. We’re not even told about the ones who have paid their debt without help from Fiona and Sasha.

The moment when the book takes us to debt prison and the guard says there are some prisoners who can’t even walk because of their cuffs, I realized what these truly were. The cuffs were nothing but the least subtle visualization for us for the statuses of Eden-5 citizens. A literal ball and chain to be exact. For me it just serves as a very ham-fisted metaphor for what could’ve been an interesting concept. We could’ve seen someone pay up their debt but the cuff stays on because the Elites don’t want anyone to be free. We could’ve seen Elites wearing some as a “fashion statement”, mocking the suffering of the lower class. We could’ve seen an Elite who has an actual debt cuff and can’t pay it away, resulting in them hiding it from others. We could’ve had anything but the complete disregard Fiona and Sasha had for their workers and not realizing all of them wear at least one.

For all it’s worth, the book has a very black and white approach towards wealth and money, one that is very unusual for Borderlands. Though we get the usual for Borderlands “everyone is an asshole”, we have such a divide between Rusters and the Elites, it’s hard to mistake it for anything else. Because of this, world building suffers with this incredibly. There are only the poorest people around or the richest people around. There is no nuance or a conversation, there is either this or that. Even Gaige doesn’t offer any insider information towards it, even if she was born and raised there. Nowhere does her very outspoken politics mention the structures and Elites of Eden-5 which she should be completely against. And the fact that she knew Marcie and that she doesn’t wear any debt cuffs that are omnipresent on Eden-5 and the fact that Elites don’t want anything to do with Rusters makes me wonder – is Gaige actually rich? Because everything shows this, and if so, great work, Burch on creating a character whose identity is all over the place.

That was my big issue with showing the problems of wealth and social structures it creates. With no middle class, the conversation lacks another point of view. There are either the wealthiest around or the completely poorest lowest class imaginable. With getting rid of the middle, Burch fails to show us how daily life operates and robs us of the potential conversation. Where are the people who chase wealth and fortune? Where are those who would betray their whole class just to have that taste of top dog life? The only thing we are offered in this conversation are Face and Pick (you don’t have to know anything about them), who want to give Fiona and Sasha away for Holloway, just for the money. But that’s treated as a plot twist, rather than an actual plot point and the siblings already paralleled Fiona and Sasha, so there’s no conversation, just a very shallow shock.

Another point is how the Elites are presented to us. The Elites are the villains, of course and just like billionaires in real life, they aren’t good people. It’s more of how they are presented to us or lack of such presentation. Debt Or Alive doesn’t show us insides to the minds of the Elites because frankly, they don’t have any. I do understand that Burch wanted to show that these are stupid, cruel people, I get it, but even in real life, billionaires are stupid but not necessarily unintelligent.

In the book, we don’t see much of Elites, actually. We see them on the gala Fiona constructed and on Holloway’s gala at the end. At first, they are mindless people who cannot think for themselves. They’re either doing what Fiona wants or what Holloway wants. Secondly, they are quite literally used as meat shields for our heroes to hide behind. So in all senses, they have no personalities, either as a group or individuals. I think the biggest crime is that even in their rich years, Fiona and Sasha don’t interact with the Elites. We could see them be cruel to the lower class citizens, purposefully making them do things that would rank up their debt. We could see them spending money on idiotic things which Fiona and Sasha would point out as dumb. We could even have descriptions of Holloway’s house that are garish and grotesque because she has so much money, she doesn’t know how to spend it anymore.

Truly, the only billionaires whose mind we can read are actually Fiona and Sasha. But for this kind of story, you need a strawman, which is absent. I genuinely thought that Gaige could become their strawman but their relationship is so shallow and so one note I quickly realized it’s impossible. In stories like this, usually when the protagonists become rich and get to make stupid, meaningless purchases, there are already signs that something like this is bad. And though there are plenty of moments in which the girls make stupid choices over their greed, it takes them so damn long to wake up from that dream.

There’s also no critique of overconsumption or consumerism in general. It should be an easy task, regarding how Fiona and Sasha spend their money but though we never see the effects on them, for example throwing away new things or we don’t see the workers (besides that one lady) in such conditions. It’s all a very interesting subject that is brushed away at rich ladies’ boredom. Though we are told that these purchases are stupid, we aren’t given an answer to what they should do instead. And the only point of activism Fiona and Sasha do is to finally free the workers from cuffs. Took them long enough.

I simply can’t understand why this plot even had to involve the sisters, since it truly makes them worse by association. All throughout Tales we hear that Fiona and Sasha hate Hyperion and don’t want anything to do with Rhys. It’s a fair assessment, they’re Pandoran and Hyperion destroyed Pandora as they knew it and is personification of greed. So… Why were they so eager to live a rich and boring life? Was their issue only with Hyperion? Even more so, why were they so hateful regarding Hyperions? For all we know, Rhys is just a simple white collar worker who also gets screwed over by the system, yet they hate him for being part of the system even when it’s to also get by. Reading this story, I had a feeling that Fiona and Sasha simply hated Rhys for being a white collar worker and they had no problems with greed and destruction of lives via riches.

The story also really doesn’t want to take sides in this whole debacle. Fiona and Sasha lose all their money and want to start a revolution, killing all the Elites. This thought isn’t given any time to sink in or develop. At some point, the sisters realize no, we shouldn’t kill the Elites because that is how we’re gonna liberate the people, with their money. But then Gaige tells them they’re wrong? It’s very all over the place and the story really doesn’t want to take sides in this. 

That does make me think, what kind of impact will this story even have on both Fiona and Sasha? All in all, it seemed that they didn’t learn anything. They have to be on the run because the Elites want them dead but also they’re still into the riches and spoils of the Vault. Since Rhys is rich now, wouldn’t they not want to associate with him? Or are we gonna play the “not all rich people” card? I love Rhys and I actually like fictional rich people. But while writing a story like this, you have to stick with your principals and make them call out Rhys’ practices, not side with him because he’s one of the good guys. You can’t lead a revolution and then make puppy eyes towards a rich capitalist.

I have left out the discussion of race, because I am white and I feel like this isn’t my place to be talking about this. Don’t listen to me regarding this, listen to people of color. I want to, however, point out that Burch stayed within the racial ambiguity of Fiona and Sasha and their racial identity is not spoken of, while we learn the ethnic identities of two white characters (Gaige and Felix). Not to mention that I can criticize that having two women of color be painted as rich assholes and drawing parallels between Fiona and Handsome Jack who is in canon called a fascist is incredibly insensitive. And within the revolution literally having them be called out on being “outsiders who want to lead revolution that isn’t theirs and they talk over the native people” is so bad I can’t believe Burch thought of this. 

All in all, would this book convince me that all billionaires should die? With its heavy-handed metaphors and subtlety equal to a trainwreck, I truly don’t think it would. It’s a mess of themes and missed chances on having actually said something regarding the fact that billionaires should not exist and that they are vapid people who can’t look out for others. The story is just complicated when those people you criticize are also your protagonists, like Fiona and Sasha here.

We could’ve had interesting stories of class struggle and differences. The Elites could’ve been destroying the land, long before that laser hit Rustville. Destruction of land and resources for people to live is one of the oppression strategies real life rich people do. And just like the environmental issues won’t be solved with only everyday people making a change, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to make things better. Write better stories with better themes. Maybe it’s just a tie-in novel for a game from 10 years ago but it could’ve said something instead of giving us a caricature of a rich person who spends money on little whale serving dishes.

See how I mentioned my passion for environmental issues at the beginning and it came back here? Set up and pay off. Something this book lacks.

5. Writing not just a better story but A Story in general

I am a writer. Sure, I write fanfiction but that doesn’t disqualify what I’m about to say. Not everyone is a showrunner, you need screenwriters too. What is this book if not officially commissioned fanfiction regarding Fiona and Sasha? When I myself am writing a story to explore, I always ask myself what is my theme, what am I building towards. Every story is fundamentally about change, right? That was why, when I stopped asking myself if I think all billionaires should die, I started asking myself – what did I gain from reading this story? What did the characters gain from this story being told? The answer is actually nothing.

Some of you probably had thought “this is just a tie-in novel to the games, it’s not supposed to be high art” and I agree with this but it is supposed to be art, no matter what. You could’ve said the same thing about the original Tales From The Borderlands, it’s nothing but an addendum to the main stories within the Borderlands. Yet, it moved a lot of people, inspired them, wanted them to create and follow the stories of these characters. For years, I’ve seen people longing for a story of Fiona and Sasha post Tales and this is what we get. Maybe in this regard Debt Or Alive is a high art, since it’s been making me nothing but angry these past couple of days. Or maybe it truly is a nothing piece of art, since at the end of the day, the feelings are just of shallowness.

Coming back to the fact that every story needs change to be worthwhile, I mean it even in the smallest of sense. It doesn’t have to be a huge change, but there has to be one no matter what. After I read Debt Or Alive I realized there was completely no change involved in the process. We start this book with Fiona and Sasha not knowing where they are in life and at the end, they decide to be Vault Hunters. You can say it is a substantial change but think about it like this – it’s the same kind of character arc they’ve had in the original Tales From The Borderlands.

Nothing had changed, they’re still at the same point they were almost 10 years ago when we finished episode 5. What Burch does is a classic shitty storytelling technique of the sequel that is just forgetting everything that had happened before and rehashing the character arc from the first one, just worse. Fiona goes from a self-reassured con-artist to a confident Vault Hunter. Sasha goes from a closed off younger sister to someone with agency. Those are the same kinds of stories we’ve already been told but when there’s no one to bounce off of, you realize that the sisters didn’t need this journey to realize it, they just needed to think for 15 minutes.

There’s also no change to the dynamics between Fiona and Sasha, and every attempt at it is shallow and pointless. At the beginning, we see Fiona being anxious that Sasha literally died before her eyes. Fiona is basically patronizing, Sasha goes Vault hunting but dislikes this, goes back and they make up. There’s no sense of change between them or maturity. I’ve already discussed the sense that their “class consciousness” is meaningless when they at the beginning were lower class. But even between each other, it’s the same song and dance. Fiona is a little overprotective, Sasha wants to show that she’s not just the younger sister. I’ve seen this already, Burch, you’ve told me this in Tales.

It doesn’t help that Fiona and Sasha really are treated constantly as the same entity, so their “changes” just don’t appear. They’re bound by the hip, unable to grow because of their limitations of the relationship. It’s too bad that a story about siblings has to treat them like they can’t exist without each other, when it could be an interesting story about independence. What if Sasha decides that Vault hunting is for her and actually goes away with Gaige? What if Fiona realizes that she’s been too caught up in her sister’s life that she forgot how to live her own? Those are all interesting questions that get tossed off the window, when you realize you have to do Tales but worse.

Just like that, the sisters can’t form any meaningful relationship. Not with the cardboard cutouts of the supporting cast, not with Gaige, there really is nothing. Fiona and Sasha don’t interact with their environment in an interesting way, it’s just a ham-fisted need to show that rich people are bad. Yes, I know they’re bad, I just want to see them discover it on their own. But we get nothing.

You can also argue that Sasha’s story regarding Rhys is just a rehash. As I’ve said, I was never a fan of this couple but I can’t imagine being satisfied with a solution that Burch brings to the table. Through the story, we see Sasha denying her feelings, not being ready for a relationship until Fiona steps in and says “actually, you are or you’re not” and off-screen we see that Sasha decided on their relationship. It’s truly insulting to see the “will they, won’t they” scenario with adult people and solved not before us.

What you have to understand is that this period of life that we’re seeing, with Fiona and Sasha is not a brief period of time. Maybe Burch doesn’t want exact numbers but this is clear when you think about a certain fact – Rhys has a mustache. I’m bringing this up because in Borderlands 3, Lor is actually surprised to see him like this, which means that the Maliwan invasion is well on its way. Which Rhys doesn’t bring up, of course. But deducing from this single comment we can calculate that between the beginning of the book and the ending, 4 or 5 years had happened. That is a damn long time and the fact that during this Fiona and Sasha do not resolve anything, do not develop and only go forth with their very surface level resolution is just a slap in the face.

We finished when we had started – it’s just that Burch doesn’t want you to realize that we had started at the ending. And this itself has consequences that he doesn’t ever want to acknowledge.

6. Show me my silver lining

I think at this point it’s very clear to see that I very much so didn’t enjoy this book. It’s just that I can’t bring myself to give a fully negative review, when there is one thing that I have to actually compliment. That thing is the arc of Gaige and what she’s been through in this book.

How we see Gaige is an actual arc and change of the character. We start with her being petty and bitter, returning to her home planet of Eden-5 for revenge. She wants to kill Holloway for destroying her and especially for the fact that she had imprisoned her father. We see Gaige’s smarts play the role against Fiona and we actually see the unbeatable Vault Hunter lose. Her father died at the prison. She has to hide, plotting her revenge. At the opportunity to bring her father back with the life crystal, she takes it immediately. But when it fails, Gaige is avoidant and quiet. Not wanting to see that she had failed yet again.

What was a terrible point in Fiona’s characterization, the destruction of Rustville, is the moment where Gaige shines through. Being presented with a choice by Holloway, she actually altruistically chooses to get caught, so she won’t hurt anyone. Sure, Holloway doesn’t keep her promise but it’s what Gaige is doing what is important. Instead of her usual snarky demeanor, we see her give up, something she had never done on her own. And in prison we see her still fighting for her life, screaming at the top of her lungs, even if at that point both her father and Deathtrap are gone.

The one genuinely great moment was when at the gala, Gaige gets a chance to open up about her feelings to her ECHOtube (I think that was what it was called?) subscribers. She talks about her love for her dad and how much he meant to her. How she misses him but wants to avenge him and wants him to be proud of her. It’s a very powerful moment, in my opinion, the best in all of the book. Gaige, surrounding herself with cheap thrills and adventures, seeks something that is real and opens up. It’s a beautiful moment of humanity for her that is just lovely to see.

Why she decided to take up the job of a party planner, I have no idea. Even with her explanation it still didn’t mean much to me. Thinking of how sad and once more, avoidant and lonely she ends up in Borderlands 3 does make me feel regret but I wanna hold onto that moment. Of Gaige’s sass and positive spirit, the only thing that made me go through that book.

Also there was a moment in which Rhys admits that he had a voice surgery. Made me go “what the fuck” at first but then I kinda laughed. Nobody needed that but whatever. Also fuck Troy Baker, all my homies hate Troy Baker.

7. Lightning round of criticism

Having said all of that and more about this book, this little section is about criticisms I had but didn’t want to dedicate a whole section to them. It’s just a list of things that bothered me as hell there but that will be shorter to sum up:

-        The humor of this book was unbearable. After several of those “jokes” you could very easily predict how the next one would go. It’s one person making a statement, another person contradicting it and then the outcome is a contradiction or first person admitting to the contradiction. Imagine this dry explanation but repeated over and over again and you get at least 40% of the whole dialogue. I don’t think it’s a good thing when you can sum up your entire humor in a descriptions like this

-        The new side characters are so paper thin, I cannot tell you anything about them. I can guarantee that if you ask me who they are in a month or two, I simply won’t know. All of them were characterized by a gimmick and not given anything real to do. The sisters, too, don’t have interesting interactions with them. Side characters here exist for cheap scenes that sorta progress the bad plot. In the words of a streamer Oboeshoesgames “Katagawa Jr. What a crazy character. He’s almost as memorable as Chet Smith.”

-        The way this book handled Rhys is horrendous. Equated to the kicked puppy who desperately wants Sasha’s attention, constantly described as stupid and worthless and then acting like a teenager when he’s pushing 30. I don’t think Borderlands 3 ruined Rhys. I don’t think New Tales ruined Rhys. But this? This is the worst written Rhys I’ve seen in years

-        Speaking of, Burch trying his damn hardest to write as if he’s a gen z person throws out words that make him look like Steve Buscemi “how do you do fellow kids” moment. In one moment, he even calls Rhys a himbo. Burch, do you know what words even mean

-        The narration style suffers from “tell don’t show”. Look at this example, here. Not only is this just flat out bad writing, we don’t need to be told three different times how badly Holloway treats people. A good writer would just show it to us via her actions towards her staff and juxtapose it with how Fiona treats her staff but of course, none of this happens

-        Being a video game writer, Burch doesn’t know how to progress a story. For him, the more important things are side quests and instant gratifications, not real emotional bits. The story rushes to the next point and leaves no room for you to breathe. You can’t spend time with those characters, you can’t learn anything new because you have to do another thing

-        Maybe that’s just me but I hate the non descriptive narration style. The world of Eden-5 feels shallow and pointless because the sisters don’t explore it and we don’t get any descriptions of it. Those are just empty phrases of wealth and dirt and nothing else

-        Last but certainly not least, I gotta ask, what the hell was Burch thinking with making this healing watch be the same thing as the healing crystal from New Tales? I always hated the deus ex machina of the watch but here it just had gotten ridiculous. It makes no sense, it’s a contrived way to bring it together. How does it connect? We never know, it is never explored. Maybe in Borderlands 50 or something

8. Conclusion

I hated this book. I wish I could’ve said something more profound but sometimes being direct is better – I truly hated this book and I won’t consider this canon to the Borderlands storyline. You can take my word that the canon won’t acknowledge it either. It’s a shallow cash grab directed at people who love Fiona and Sasha, engineered to be as meaningless as it could be and not to say anything either about its themes or its characters. It’s not a character study. It’s not a jumping off point for meaningful class structures and struggles discussion. It’s not even a fun popcorn adventure for fans of the series. With huge letters stating that it was written by the writer of Borderlands 2, I think we gotta ask – maybe it’s time to stop relying on the past and have someone write a spectacular story on par and better than Borderlands 2? Just anyone but Anthony Burch. 

[revnah1406]

⛰️☀️ABBY MASON 🌿🍂

Name: Abigail Mason

Nickname(s): "Abby", "Abs" (only by Woods), Kid, kiddo, girl.

Date of birth: February 29th 2012

Age: 18/19 yo (2030)

Height: 1.65m/5.4 ft

Weight: 56 Kg/ 123.5 lbs

Blood Type: O+

Sexuality: Lesbian

Family:

David Mason (Father) - *Alive*

Alice Johnson (Mother) - *Deceased*

Alex Mason (Grandfather) - *Deceased*

Frank Woods (Adoptive Grandfather) - *Deceased*

Biography:

(Call of duty black ops 2 spoilers!)

Abby is the Daughter of David Mason and Alice Johnson. She was born and raised in an environment full of fun and love. She had a great childhood. But the sad thing is due to her parents job she didn't see them very recently. David in the military and Alice working in the hospital.

But she stayed the majority of her days with the one and only Frank Woods. While her parents worked she was raised by Woods, like he did with David before. She has her best memories with that old man. He taught her a lot of things and told her a lot of stories too.

She loved that old man.

She had an amazing youth until she was 13. One night while visiting Woods in The Vault. They had a strange visit. After all that happened, Menéndez appeared again. Ready to get his revenge for what Woods did years ago. The poor kid didn't know what to do but look. Until suddenly Menéndez aimed a gun at her and shot. She hit the ground holding her chest while she started to bleed out.

Woods couldn't do anything because in the blink of an eye, he got stabbed in the throat with a knife. Abby just could lay there, bleeding out, begging, screaming, witnessing how Menéndez killed the man that practically raised her.

That affected her enormously, and she never was the kid she was once.

Personality:

She was practically raised by Woods, so it's not a surprise that she got a few traits from him. She has a strong personality, not afraid to say what's in her mind, it doesn't matter if she's talking with the fucking president Bosworth herself.

It's hard to gain her trust, she's reluctant and even rude to strangers. But when it comes to friends and family she's pure joy and kindness, she leaves her mean shell aside and she jokes around (usually dark humour), laughs, giggles...

"Abs swears like a sailor but has the imagination of a five year old" - Woods.

She has a really strong bond with her family, it's everything to her, so she would and will do everything for her family.

So it's better not to mess with her but if you earn her trust she will show you that little kid inside her.

She's impatient, stubborn and badly-tempered, but she also has a great imagination and sense of humour. Everything that you can expect from a teenager.

Trivia:

Abby is left-handed

Her name was chosen by Woods, he knew that if his Friend Mason would have a daughter would name her Abigail. So in honour of his memory David and Woods named her like that.

She's Allergic to seafood

She doesn't like sweets and is a huge fan of spicy food. Although the next day she will feel as if she has been hit by a truck.

She has one of Woods' tattoos to honour his memory, although she feels a little bit shy when she has to talk about it.

She swears more than she talks. (She spent too much time with old Woods)

Loves talking and reading about space and astronomy. One of her dreams was to become an astronaut.

Wears silly socks with silly patterns.

Although she was raised by a lieutenant commander and an ex-CIA agent, she has a really anarchical mentality. She doesn't believe in rules or the government and she's not afraid to "debate" it.

OCs canon in Abby's timeline:

Aleks Clarke R. @alypink

Mila (Bell) @efingart

Craig Alan Jones @kaitaiga

Koa "Hunter" Nikau @islandtarochips

Delta (∆):

Moodboard:

Playlist:

You can read more about her here!

👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

Mason's Legacy

[gaymars97]

Holy shit i just remembered i never introduced tumblr to Betrayal au im gonna change that

So basically, in betrayal au, Maya doesn’t meet the raiders till much later. Before that happens, she also experiences way more betrayal trauma, assassination/murder attempts and overall discrimination than in canon. In fact, pretty much all she lived from interactions with other people ended up being negative, or at best, neutral, either on the short or long run.

So naturally, instead of being open to form new relationships, she starts to distance herself from others. (Cauz yk. Who would want to try to socialize again after over 27 years of perpetual negativity from people? You try keeping your cool after that) By the time she finally meets the raiders, things are different than in canon…

That was the short version. Long version is under the cut

(I shall post a part 2 on bl3 BAU cauz theres a few important things to say about her and if i cram it in here the post will just be. Interminable.)

When she gets on Pandora, instead of directly joining the raiders, Maya is instead approached by a different group of so called « vault hunters » who offer her to work together to open the vault.

As time passes and she gets to know her teammates, even though the betrayal from the order of the impending storm still deeply affects her emotionally, she learns to trust and care for those new friends.

(For reference, the impending storm plot twist™️ also happens earlier, so she also gets to pandora sooner)

Well surprise! Turns out this was a trap too! The « vh » team lured her into trusting them so they could get their hands on a siren, after all. Plan devised by a commander in Hyperion, fyi.

In an act of self defense, she had to kill the very people she thought she could trust. Once again, it wasn’t her who was welcomed with open arms in a family. This whole time, all they cared about were her powers.

Now, this had happened twice, and this time, she nearly died. A part of her did die that day.

Every time she trusted people, it was used against her.

And how about the strangers she had met so far, well, in her life? Either avoided her, visibly feared her or tried to kill her. At best, they just went on to live their day.

So, she started to believe that maybe she was doomed to be left behind every time she tried to follow others. To get hurt every time she showed vulnerability. To be hunted. Feared. Hated.

And can you blame her?

I mean, after all, when was the last time people genuinely cared about her?

…

Did that ever happen in the first place?

So, as Pandora just seems to keep proving her fears are justified, she learns to become distant.

After making the same mistake twice, she wasn’t going to let people deceive her again. Now she knew that if she wanted to reach her goal to learn about sirens, it wasn’t by entrusting others with her help.

At some point, the crimson raiders offer to team up. But she won’t let her guard down so easily now. She refuses. I mean, what’s stopping them to just take all the info they need from her hands once they don’t need her help anymore?

So, led by nothing but bits of info and a mysterious voice in her head (As much as she’s real hesitant to follow the advice of the so called « ai » talking to her somehow, she’s the best lead she’s got.), she leads a one woman hunt for the vault key.

But things don’t go exactly as planned (as always). The moment she’s finally close to get the thing, guess who shows up? That’s right! The crimson fucking raiders, and they want the key too!

Lilith confronts her. She gives her another chance to work together, but Maya just can’t take that kind of risk a third time. So, siren fight ensues, and things seem to be going well, until Lilith decides enough is enough and uses eridium. However, instead of killing the fellow siren, she knocks her out and gets her to sanctuary.

Held captive by the raiders (You can thank Lilith for that btw. Homegirl can’t get herself to kill a fellow siren just yet) a deal is eventually made (working with other people may be the last thing she’d do under normal circumstances, but she has no choice. They caught her.)

So against her own will, she learns to know the people she works with, thinking that after the key is acquired, she’s just get the info she needs and then fuck off. But once again. Didn’t go as planned. These guys are way more loveable than expected-

Goddamn it.

She has one hell of a crisis when she realizes that not only she’s feeling herself starting to care about those people, but that this odd feeling she has whenever she’s with the odd one who screams about meat might be romantic attraction. (And it is)

It takes time, but the raiders eventually prove to her that this time, it’s mutual. Things get better after that 💜

(She’s still more of a bastard than canon tho. All this time of the intimidating distant facade taught her how nice it feels to be a lil mean. As a treat)

Another noticeable trait is the massive scar she has on her face. It was inflicted by one of the members of the fake vh team the day of the betrayal (it still brings a load of bad memories and she hates it) I shall post how the scar looks pretty soon.

(Other note, i would like to thank @rando-lesbo210 because her Fallen Heirs au is what inspired the creation of Betrayal au)

[t4tpumpkinduo]

ok here's what my beautiful mind says about the dsmp timeline:

lmanberg - 1.5 years (long enough for independence and establishment, long enough for cjack and cniki to join not long after, but not too long tht cdrm control freak isms don't kick in.)

manburg - 1.2ish years (long enough for the war and tensions and bonds and marriages, downfall included in this. thematic that it doesn't last as long as l'manberg)

^ notice three-ish years pass from here. i'm gnna use ctommy as my guiding point uhh. he starts 14 and three years have passed so

new lmanberg - less than a year. ctommy turns 17 in exile canonically and exile itself canonically took place over a couple months so there's that. doomsday takes place not long after, it only makes sense.  el rapids factored into here

downtime less than a year? everyone getting shit sorted, left adrift, lnv is being built after el rapids destruction.

las nevadas: a year onward at the v least, he tortures dream for canon a couple months then ctechno is left in there a few more. i do think the story peeters a lot around these arcs bcs of the lack of cc organization and communication so theres a lot to trim up. using q as a starting point he's like canon 18-19 at the start of his whole dsmp arc cuz he just got outta juvie. if it's been a year and a half for lmb then that means ctommy is 15 so cq is 4 years older than him which tracks, he's their peer and they know eachother prior. if ctommy is 19-20 in lnv tht makes cq 23-24 which again tracks.

cwilb and cschlatt are frm smplive so they're in their early 20s specifically, and their arcs match that. cjack is ctommy's peer and cniki is cjacks peer so they can't be that much older than him, making their ages keep tracking.

cfundy says he's 22 in the revival apology stream, which if you take away 5 years would make him 17 during lmb which i also think is good? young enough to have the arc he does, but old enough to have the arc that he does. i also think my he got time portaled to vault hunters theory is rlly good and cohesive (yk, cwilbur being a young single father, losing his baby and going kinda nuts about it, the baby comes back to you way older and now neither of you know how to navigate it. cfundy canonically is a crazy redstoner and coder WHERE did he learn that from if he was just around cwil cphil his whole childhood. how does he know iskall enough to INVITE him to the dsmp if he can't venture off anywhere. accept time portal displacement into your hearts.)

sm of the other character ages ofc can be departed frm the ccs thematically speaking (csam being older than ccsam on account of being a father, same w ccphil and cphil father + angel of death isms.) but yeah this is my little breakdown 👍 she textual on my evidence don't play w me

[shinakazami1]

Fiona plzz bc she deserves better 💖

ESP AFTER THE BOOK BASED ON YOUR REVIEW DJSJSH

How I feel about this character

I won't lie. 15 yo me just skimmed over her, focusing on Rhys. But when I played it finally myself. God DARN DOES THIS WOMAN NOT GET REST.

- Betrayed by long time mentor and father figure

- Stuck with, in her perception, corporal scums that represent everything she hates

- No time to mourn over anything, constantly things go wrong

- getting trained by Athena, using her improvisation skills, wanting to become a Vault Hunter and seeming to succeed

- Strong. Independent. Funny and pretty.

She really deserved better djhehw

All the people I ship romantically with this character

HAHA FINALLY FINALLY I CAN SAY IT

I Headcanon her as AROMANTIC *final fantasy VII music* SO NONE OF THAT HERE

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I think she and Vaughn had potential to talk and be silly together though she does consider him as a postman. I wish we got more time with her and Athena, or Scooter. She also was so good with Loader Bot and Gortys. Even with Rhys she had some great moments.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Gosh darn with the unpopular. Headcanons:

- she prefers sour tastes. Texture of a beef jerky but also, at the same time, she would love to eat rich people food, just to say how disgusting it is.

- she learnt to read very early. Helped her come up with stories for being a con artist

- if she was the one who had Handsome Jack in her head, I think even she, in the end, would bend. He would just need to play his cards right which would be hard in this situation

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Respect JSHDJEKSJWJ AND MORE SHOW TIME pls don't butcher her in the future please please please I beg of u

[theyanderespecialist]

AI Yandere 🩵 Yandere AI Handsome Jack X Vault Hunter (☠ Him) Gender Neutral Listener (Borderlands) 

AI Yandere (Scenario/Headcanons) Yandere AI Handsome Jack X His Killer Vault Hunter Reader (Borderlands/Tales From The Borderlands) 

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! I am back with another video! this one is from Borderlands. Handsome Jack AI gets found by the vault hunter that killed him. You are that vault hunter and well handsome Jack was yandere for you once before and he still is! So good luck! Please enjoy this chapter here, muffins!]

(Disclaimer: Handsome Jack and AI Handsome Jack are not Yandere in canon! This is just for fun, and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!)

-Base Yandere Headcanons with AI Handsome Jack From Borderlands/Tales From The Borderlands X The Vault Hunter Who Killed Him Reader-  

.AI Handsome Jack did not know that he was an AI.

.All he knew is that when he came to, he was with you, the love of his life.

.He quickly learns with the way that you freaked out, that he was dead and you killed him!

.He was pissed off, how dare the love of his life, the person he wanted to be with fully kill him!

.He then realizes that even though he is dead, he is not letting you go now.

.He is going to make sure to stay with you until you are dead, you are stuck with him now kitten.

.Ai Jack knows that you are a vault hunter.

.So he helps you with getting vaults since he was once a vault hunter as well.

.He does not care how annoyed you are with him.  

.He manipulates your robotic arm to have fun with you, to show you that he loves you.

.Really some self-love and somebody's possession.

.He would do everything to keep you safe, even take over your body if he has to.

.He would also take advantage of that to check you out.

.He is always watching you, even when you do not know that he is there.

.He will make sure that you are his and his only.

.So he will keep you from making any close connections with anyone else.

.Sorry babe, but you are his and he is in your head, so you are going to be kept as his and his alone.

.He is a very possessive yandere, he does not like to share and he rather kill you than share you with anyone else.

.He is also extremely jealous and would be very petty.

.Oh you wanna flirt with the other vault hunters. Well, he might have it where he made you "accidentally" shoot a vault hunter, maybe right in their reproductive organs.

.A little friendly fire was never the end of the world.

.He also argues with you like you two are an old marry couple.

.He is also very sadistic so he would use your body to torture his rivals with your body.

.Making it so no one would want to be in a relationship with you~

.You are his and he will isolate you, where all you need is him.

.Some pet names he would use for you, are kitten, baby, babe, sugar, and more~ Kitten is his favorite though.

(Now Onto the Scenario)

(FUCK IT IS A GHOST!) (AI Handsome Jack)

(No One's POV)

You were looking at the map that was going to lead you to a Vault, you had been trying to figure out where to start. "That is a Vault Kitten." You hear a familiar voice. "And we are going to get it!" You scream and jerk around, looking at the blue... Whatever it was Ghost! "GHOST!" You screamed and fell back.

You were dealing with flashbacks from when you killed Handsome Jack! He had been obsessed with you! And you had no choice but to kill him to protect yourself and the others. It was not your idea to kill his daughter. That was something that you did not want to do. So you were still haunted by when you killed his daughter and him.

"Wow, Wow Kitten." He says to you. "What do you mean you are seeing a ghost, I know I am drop-dead handsome~ But come on sugar, I am not a ghost." He goes to help you up but his hands faze through you. "The fuck?" He asks and tries again and again.

"I-I killed you..." you say and he freezes looking at you. "What do you mean, you killed me, kitten." "I-I..." You did not know how to tell this, Ghost... or AI. "I killed you when you confessed your feelings to me." He stared at you and could not understand why you would do that. Did you not love him? He shooke his head and looks at you. "Well Kitten, it does not matter if you killed me or not, you are stuck with me and I am not making the same mistakes my other me made. You are Mine!" You feel the color drain from your face and you pass out. Unaware that the A Handsome Jakc had plans to get one of his cloned bodies, then he could have you back, and take his empire back with you as his co-ruler!

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, Another Chapter is done! I hope you all enjoyed this, and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!]

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

THE WAINLOCK GUIDE

Preface

Hello! Welcome to the Wainlock guide! I’m Nikolai Jakobslock, your host and number one scholar in the ways of Borderlands old man bara. Today I will be presenting you with my Knowledge of these two silly peepaws, and how to write them; and trust me, I am qualified to speak on this topic. They do not call me the CEO of Wainlock for nothing.

DISCLAIMER 1: Certain aspects of this, especially the symbols sections, are subjective. Like all fictional characters, these two are ultimately up to interpretation. Here, I am just laying down the way I personally interpret these two, and what I can extrapolate from canon.

DISCLAIMER 2: This text assumes you have played BL3 and BL2, and have at least basic familiarity with these two. I am not going to explain the entire Borderlands lore here. Go watch EruptionFang’s timeline for that, or whatever. I tried to be comprehensive, but even I have my limits.

DISCLAIMER 3: This might be a little bit incoherent because I have ADHD, which means I have a crippling addiction to writing walls of text. Also, English is not my first language. Sorry.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Usual Borderlands fare (gore, animal and human death, guns), alcohol, drugs, mentions of sexual assault, abuse, parental neglect.

Sir Alistair Hammerlock(-Jakobs)

Backstory

Hammerlock is from the planet Hermes. Not much is known, but it apparently has a thin, helium-rich atmosphere, and forests. It is ultimately up to you how you interpret this information, as we haven’t visited the place yet.

It’s unclear when he left home, but what is somewhat clear is that he left early and has no intentions of returning. His family is, or at least styles themselves, like a noble house; getting rich off of questionable ventures (they have what he calls “blood money”) and genuinely being shady as all fuck. Additionally, his father was needlessly harsh (sending him to Pandora as a punishment for swearing in a formal environment), and his mother doesn’t seem to be a good person either, considering how even Aurelia is waiting for her to die.

While he is by no means poor, he seems to live (or have lived, until he literally married into a multi trillion dollar megacorporation) in relative squalor compared to his turbo-mansion owning sister, so it’s safe to say he inherited none of his family’s fortune. (Not to mention how rusty and scrappy his prosthetics look.) He represents the trope of the impoverished blue-blood, as well as someone who defected from what we might consider decadence.

Hammerlock is a hunter, adventurer and gentleman. He is described as such in his very intro cards, and this has echoed through his entire character.

He has been all over the Borderlands, perhaps even all over the Six Galaxies, and seems to have a “this reminds me of…” for every situation. He worked in corporate advertising, he’s seen wonders beyond imagining, he’s written at least one book on the myriad creatures of the galaxy. He’s befriended pretty much every Vault Hunter of note. Both Eista (a fellow hunter) and the lore book admit he has a legendary reputation.

That being said, of course, a life of adventure isn’t so glamorous as it seems. He admits to having a large collection of scars from being shot, bitten and mauled so much, and there’s even a line that implies he was once sexually assaulted. And of course, then there’s Old Slappy.

Personality

Despite the trauma mentioned above, Alistair doesn’t seem to budge from his shiny, chipper demeanor. He’s probably the nicest guy on Pandora, in fact.

He’s honest, kind, doesn’t get angry when the player messes up a sidequest and kindly explains what you need to do.

However, he also doesn’t often show explicit (negative OR positive, though mostly negative) emotion. Rarely does his steely gentleman persona - or perhaps, armor - break. The closest it gets is in either his Parting Words echolog, when he seems on the verge of crying as he says what he thinks is his last “farewell”, or in the ending of Guns, Love and Tentacles, where his voice cracks TWICE as his concern for his beloved reaches its apex.

Also in that ending, he admits he “was so afraid”. This is one of the only 2 times he genuinely admits fear (outside of the immensely gentlemanly and polite expression “I’m afraid I…”), and this is understandable. He’s a fearless adventurer! He’s not afraid of anything!

Except he is. He very much is. He just does not admit it to anyone willy nilly.

In fact, he doesn’t admit much of his emotions in general. He is a stoic, the archetypal gentleman with a stiff upper lip. (This is far more pronounced in BL2 than in BL3: I choose to interpret it as Wainwright helping his beloved open up a little.) But it is a facade, and underneath is a tangled bundle of repressed emotions.

What is NOT a facade, however, is his sheer hope. Regardless of the things he’s seen, he does seem to genuinely believe in the inherent goodness and kindness of people. He was willing to give Aurelia one last chance, even after all she’s done.

Keep in mind to not mistake this for naivety or harmlessness, of course. Alistair is intelligent, and as bloodthirsty as you’d expect a seasoned explorer of the Borderlands to be. In fact, his thrill-seeking tendencies sometimes even teeter on the masochistic. I wouldn’t be surprised if his (human) killcount was in the early triple digits.

His passion for and dedication to his life’s work as a zoologist is equally admirable, and personally reminds me of the way an autistic is passionate for their special interest (because I am autistic). This is a man with a zest for life, and enough energy to power a large city for a week.

Dialogue

Alistair speaks with that typical, quintessential Received Pronunciation accent. His voice is crisp, clear, melodic.

His vocabulary is very sizable. Often will he use complex, sophisticated words, and that often ends up with his lines being overly verbose. Like, really long. I recommend picking up a thesaurus to find the fanciest synonyms you can find.

If he does swear, it’s usually something light like “bloody”, or a verbose/fancy version of a preexisting swear, like “fecal matter!” instead of “shit!”.

Despite him talking like the Victorian English gentleman directly stolen from a steampunk novel that he is, he is not above peppering in the occasional hard swear or funny word. “I’m standing right here, dude.” comes to mind. Also, I just think he should be allowed to say fuck in sufficiently emotionally charged situations.

Speaking of those, we don’t really ever see him having a proper breakdown, but if he would, I think he’d just vomit a tide of half-formed word salad.

Associations, Symbols, Motifs, Etc.

This section is subjective.

Air, weather, wind (something something Hermes is the god of messengers)

Lightning, energy

The Sun

Snow (NOT ice, that’s his sister’s thing)

Nature, fauna (obviously), but also human naturalism; awareness of man as an animal with biological functions or as a persistence predator

Animal death: bones, teeth, fossils, leather-bound books, fur coats, taxidermy

Precision, finesse (it’s weapon based characterization: sniper rifles are his preference after all)

The ideal of a medieval knight: chivalry and nobility but also armor and weapons

Swords, rapiers, knives; scissors, needles, razors

Mechanisms, specifically clockwork (steampunk comes to mind again)

Glass & earthenware in general, especially cracked (scarred)

Travel, motion

Metals: silver, copper, brass and bronze; anything molten, polished or scratched

Light

Sugar, particularly sugary baked goods (biscuits), with the exception of certain savory flavors like meat

What NOT to do

DO NOT give out first name privileges to too many characters.

The only people in the series who ever call Alistair by his first name are his sister and his husband. Everyone else calls him Hammerlock. If someone calls him by his first name, it better fucking be someone important to him, like a long-time close friend.

DO NOT fall into racist cliches holy fuck man.

If I have to see one more work where a character of color is described as having chocolate colored skin I will go insane. There’s, like, a 100000 descriptors you can use and you choose the racist cliche.

DO NOT ignore the fact he’s disabled.

Do some research on phantom pains, how prostheses can be both useful and cumbersome (often the latter).

Wainwright Del Frisco Jakobs(-Hammerlock)

Backstory

Wainwright’s homeworld is Eden-6, which is thankfully a location we can visit in game. In fact, we can even visit his ancestral home, the Jakobs Estate.

As far as we know, he has never been offworld until Alistair sort of dragged him out of his house and into the great beyond. He knows the nooks and crannies of the manor like the back of his own hand, and uses that knowledge to outrun and misdirect Troy, among other things. In a way, he is that place, - explicitly being described as a homebody.

We do not know much about his mother Margaret, but he seems to miss her dearly. His father Montgomery however… well. Ol’ monty was quite neglectful. He refused to spend money to maintain certain parts of the estate, or to ensure his son had a good life. When Winny opened up about not feeling strongly about running the family business, Monty seems to have pinned the blame on his son’s boyfriend, and not on his own shitty parenting.

That being said of course, it’s not like Wainwright didn’t go out of the house at all. ECHO logs describe him as going to bars around the basin, mingling with the “common folks”, things like that. For an heir to a megacorporation, he sure is surprisingly down to earth (in stark contrast with Katagawa Jr., another corpo higher-up we meet in BL3).

Additionally, before the CoV killed everyone, the manor was full of staff and relatives and visitors. It was alive, its own microcosm of the world, and young Wainwright definitely made friends with a great many of them.

Now, they’re all gone, and the manor’s empty and largely unused. Decrepit, even. But he could restore it to glory.

Not to mention the mistakes his corporate predecessors have made are waiting for him there, in his office, to be unfortunately discovered…

Personality

Wainwright is a fairly simple, good ol’ boy. Humble, insecure, even anxious - but also painfully stubborn (that last one is a Jakobs family trait, if a certain line is to be believed).

He is far more open about his emotions, and not just when he’s drunk. Sometimes he curses like a witch, yet joyfully exclaims just how much he’s glad that the Vault Hunter saved his life (thank you David Wald, you really put your whole pussy into this performance).

Speaking of drunkenness, this is a crucial part of him, and not just because he drinks whiskey a lot. At best, he’s a social drinker and at worst he’s drowning his sorrows.

He’s somewhat grumpy, with some of that old man crankiness in him, but also not really. Preferring peace and quiet, he himself is fairly peaceful, but heavens fucking help you if you disturb him. In essence, the guy’s a period piece white suit wearin’ southern gentleman: charming, fine, but also fairly “stiff” or “slow”. Except without the shitty parts (i.e. racism), thank god.

Wainwright is fiercely protective of his own, being prepared to sacrifice anything for them - including himself, even (back to that humbleness and insecurity, but with a selfless bent). He’s also not above using underhanded tactics to get what he wants (back to that stubbornness again) from people he doesn’t trust or like. He’s the Wisdom to Alistair’s Intelligence, if that makes any sense; he can be a little bit clueless sometimes (you’re supposed to run AWAY from the glowing pit cultists are sacrificing people to, not towards it!).

For people he does trust, though - he definitely believes in fairness and kindness. Reliance, civility, honor, all that, are qualities he absolutely has even if he doesn’t think so.

He’s not particularly out for blood unless it’s revenge related or self defense, but this being Borderlands his killcount is absolutely above 0.

Personally, I think he also has a slight epicurean or perhaps even hedonist streak, enjoying and savoring life’s pleasures as they come and go, but understanding that suffering is a painful, inevitable part of life.

Dialogue

Wainwright speaks in a typical southern accent, even though Eden-6 being the Space Louisiana that it is, you’d expect a specifically Cajun accent (and to me, this man is 100% Cajun as fuck). If TvTropes is to be believed, then this is something that happens often, but y’know. His voice is warm, soft, flowin’.

Somehow, his speech strikes a perfect balance between crass and classy. He often uses wacky, flowery country metaphors and idioms, but also perfectly enunciates words like “perforate”, knowing what they mean. His vocabulary is as rich as Alistair’s if not more (reading a ton of books will do that, but also Monty says shit like morose ruminations, so.), he just doesn’t use big words as often.

He also swears much, much more frequently. When he’s drunk, or emotionally riled up, he swears up a storm. Unfortunately he never says the f word because Gearbox was too afraid to give him such power, lest his homosexuality evaporate the CoV in 5 seconds (joke).

Associations, Symbols, Motifs, Etc.

This section is subjective.

Earth, soil, mud

Gunpowder, smoke, ash, oil

The Moon

Gardens (something something Eden is garden of paradise, something something the untended gardens of the Jakobs Estate)

Fire: specifically in the context of the hearth, the fireplace, or guns

Guns and gun parts (obviously)

Wood (including woody smells like sandalwood, pine sap and cedar), paper

Cloth, silk, treated leather. Also sewing

Metals: iron, lead, gold (including in the context of gold = money, riches)

Force, strength (again, think of it as weapon-based characterization: he uses a shotgun)

The comforts of home, stillness

Doors and doorways, curtains, hallways, furniture

Time and its passing: people and alcohol aging, rotting wood, heritage and inheritance

The archetype of a king or heir to the throne

Blood, bandages

Repair, mending and maintenance, whether literal or metaphorical

Salt, with the exception of “old fashioned” sweets like syrup or honey

THE HEART STILL BEATS! THE HEART STILL BLEEDS!

What NOT to do

DO NOT assume he’s uneducated just because he’s got a southern accent.

This guy was born into a rich ass corporate family. He can perfectly say “fatal testicular devastation” without falling over his words. He’s a bookworm on levels heretofore unseen. He probably had an expensive university, or perhaps personally tutored education. This man is wise, just in different situations than Alistair is.

DO NOT type out the accent too much.

But also, DO NOT not type it out at all. Typing out those in’s and an’s can actually assist the reader with imagining his voice, recognize when he speaks, AND it’s canon accurate because the in-game subtitles also do that!

Then how much should you DO type it out? See above: around as much as the in-game subtitles would. I personally like to type it out more strongly when Wainwright is tired, and weakly when he’s pissed, but to each their own.

DO NOT ignore the fact that he’s disabled.

Yes I am saying this again. He’s half blind, and it affects him greatly. And it doesn’t look like it can be replaced with an artificial one - though if it could, I doubt he’d want it at this point.

Also he’s old. He’s probably got them creaky joints.

Putting Them Together

General Feel

They’re in love. They’re so painfully, and deeply, and sweetly in love.

They met on a hunting expedition which Monty arranged (and then it bit him in the ass a little LMAO), and it kinda went from there.

Their relationship is already long-term by BL3, based on trust and communication. They are comfortable with one another, willing to be vulnerable. Opening each other up, seeing both the good and the bad, and accepting all of it.

Their loyalty towards one another is unquestionable. If one ordered the other to kill, the other would most likely not hesitate. Speaking of violence, their fighting styles are directly opposite to one another, but would actually synergize really well together.

Of course, they bicker, like any old married couple does. But it’s all in good fun. If they have genuine disagreements, they talk them out like actual fucking adults, and either try to compromise or concede to the other temporarily. There’s no “power dynamic” bullshit involved here (outside of a sexual context, which is not something I will cover here), just two equals.

They’re very different - and both have their insecurities about this, which are explored in GL&T. But in the end, they love each other just as they are.

While the only things we canonically know they find attractive in one another are their accents and facial hair, I think a major point is the other’s personality, mind, outlook on existence. They both appreciate the world and affirm life, but in different ways: Alistair with his zest and energy, Wainwright with his calmness and slow enjoyment. In my friend’s words, they’re each other’s bitches who they pulled by being autistic. (And they definitely find each other hot and badass, let’s be real here.)

Their relationship has genuinely improved their lives, from what we can see: Wainwright gained the courage to stand up to his father, Alistair started being more expressive with their emotions. Doubtlessly this extends to other areas of their lives: Alistair being provided a place to rest from his adventures, Wainwright being dragged out from his home and experiencing the wonders of the world. They even hyphenated eachother’s surnames.

And, of course, Wainwright definitely uses some of his vast wealth to spoil his husband to bits. It’s what he deserves, really.

They say nobody’s funnier than queers, and they also say nobody’s funnier than disabled people. Well these two are both of those, and they crack jokes a lot! Not like your average Borderlands character, no - their domain is actually somewhat funny (in an old person way) dry one liners and silly quips.

Dynamics and Such

Wainwright as a sort of “dame (or rather, gentleman) of the heart”, a source of strength for Alistair, his meaning, which shelters him from fear. (“Give me strength, Winny. All I do, I do for you.”)

Alistair searching for something all his life, Wainwright waiting for something all his life. Obviously, this something is love.

Mutual admiration, almost worshipful reverence towards one another.

Silly little old men sitting on their silly little porch. Together. Gayly perhaps.

Culture shock. They come from two very different environments, and have very different tastes.

Generally just. Opposites attract. That is the core of their dynamic and one should keep that in mind.

Associations, Symbols, Motifs, Etc.

This section is subjective.

Juxtapositions of any kind, stark contrasts

Eclipses, stars

Things that should be complete opposites but actually strengthen one another: salted caramel, alloys of various metals, etc.

“Light” drugs: coffee, tea, tobacco, alcohol. As well as different ways of enjoying them

Books

Suits and other finery

Disability

GUNS (again)

Nature, the world, seasons, flora AND fauna

Swordfighting, dueling, consensual & safe sparring

Domesticity in general: literally sleeping together, cooking, tidying the house

Burials, graveyards, memory

Hygiene, care; hair washing and cutting, shaving, bathing; wound mending

Old timey homosexual symbols: green carnations and lavender, outdated terms (even reclaimed slurs), aspects of kink, etc.

What NOT to do

DO NOT apply heteronormative dynamics to them.

No, Alistair is not feminine just because he’s nice or bottoms or whatever the fuck else. He’s not feminine at all, actually.

Speaking of which, I promised not to be too sexual here, but I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS - the top/bottom dichotomy seen in fandom is unrealistic. In general, but especially in this case. Not only does one’s sexual position indicate nothing about personality - position switching is actually an important part of a long term established relationship. So, avoid that shit like wildfire.

They’re both masculine, in the sense a fine gentleman is. Just because that masculinity is “dated” to our modern eyes doesn’t make it any less masculine. Fuck off.

DO NOT tag them if they’re a 5 second cameo. Or if they don’t even appear in the work yet.

Look, I get it. And if you’re reading this guide, you’re probably not the kind of person that would do that. But also, I am not in the Sir Hammerlock (Borderlands) tag to see your perpetually unfinished rewrite fic. Or to see your random ass ship fic that has jack shit to do with them.

“But what else do I use?!” MINOR OR BACKGROUND CHARACTER(S).

It’s fine if you have their wedding or the estate as the setting somehow. But if that’s the case, I hope they’re a BIT more than a 5 second cameo. They’re the hosts for fucks sake.

Sorry if I sound mad about this. It’s because I am.

Additional Resources

Onelook Thesaurus: my online thesaurus of choice. It also searches for synonyms, phrases, and words you can explain but don’t actually remember.

old men yaoi.zip: A .zip file of EVERY BL3 line of these two’s I could find that is not tied to a main quest, sidequest, or ECHO log in convenient .wav form. Ripped straight from the game. VERY useful, as “idle lines” often contain great trivia, but fishing for them in-game is a pain in the ass.

locres14.txt: The BL3 subtitle file, also directly ripped from the game. Incredibly large and not particularly helpful in of itself, but if you open it in Notepad++ for instance and use the search function you can find some good stuff. Particularly useful for writing dialogue, obviously.

Conclusion

Thank you for reading this! I hope this will help at least one person write these two a little bit better. They’re my favorite characters in the entire series, and it saddens me to see they get barely any fancontent outside of what I make. (My fics constitute 31% of their AO3 tag, for fucks sake!)

[kitsumidori]

BL3 Remix/Siren Song Lore Post

I couldn't think of a better way to title this but basically this is the rewrite I've been working on for quite awhile and I think it's good enough to post

The majority of the story is somewhat still intact with a few key differences. (More under the cut)

Pre-BL3 

Angel ended up surviving the Control Core assault but was left in critical condition, Lilith helped with her recovery to the point that she became Angel's new mom.

The Calypso twins are not sirens, instead they are Eternals and decided to impersonate as siren's to trick the masses into joining their cult, going so far as covering their rashes with makeup and making fake siren tattoos.

Ava is instead the phaseleach siren and actually came to Pandora because of a strange voice telling her to.

(This would take place when she was 10, so 3 years before BL3's story took off.)

Maya ended up staying in Pandora instead of going back to Athenas since after giving some thought, Athenas maybe her birth home, but all she remembers is being sheltered for most of her life and being used as a threat.

Like in canon, Maya takes Ava in, but more as a daughter rather than just an apprentice.

Tannis is still a siren like in canon, however since Angel is still alive with her powers still intact, Tannis has a different ability rather than phaseshift.

(That being called Phasesight)

Borderlands 3

Pandora 1

The Calypso's did to ambush Lilith, however Tyreen leached her a lot longer than canon, to the point where Lilith was left in a coma 

Fiona is here. While rebuilding the raider, Vaughn recommended a few people he knew with one of them being Fiona and let's just say that she and Lilith became more than just allies.

Fiona was at first staying in Pandora, but after Lilith was attacked she didn't want to leave her side and force herself into the ship while also in complete hysteric 

Prometheus 

Lor’s character is slightly altered, mainly his aggressiveness is toned down and he's way less rude that how he is in canon (still a bit stressed though)

Sasha's here, Malawan believed that she'd disappeared but in reality she was in hiding sabotaging Malawan’s plans.

Athenas

Mostly the same in canon instead with Ava tagging along with the Vault Hunter's since Maya did promise her that she can do a mission as long as she keeps her tattoos hidden from the monks and she'd stick with the Vault Hunter's.

Maya refuses to even step foot on Athenas, she only left the ship when she found out how to open the Anchorhold.

Shortly before, she found out that she was never abandoned by her parents, but was kidnapped by Sophis.

Prometheus 2

The storyline is the same as canon up until the vault of the Rampager.

Troy attempted to leach Maya's powers, but failed miserably and was stop by one of the Vault Hunter's

Maya survived with her powers intact and only suffered a broken wrist.

Troy…wellllll….he ended up getting shot in the head by Moze, killing him instantly (at first...)

This was also when the raiders found out that the Calypso were Eternals.

Before all that, Maya was (attempting) to scold at Ava for putting herself in danger, but after Troy's attempt to kill Maya failed, his subsequent death and the twin's true status revealed, Ava bolted back to the ship and locked herself in her cabin.

Before she had tried to stop Ava, Maya noticed something that the kid dropped. It was a brand new Maliwan corrosive SMG with a note from Ava explaining that she was doing a little snooping and found both the blueprints and developers notes on said gun with the majority of the notes involving Maya's cloud kill ability.

What broke Maya’s heart the most was what's on the keychain ring, it was a tag that said To: Mom, Love ya🩵 From: Ava

This was the first time Ava called her mom…….and she felt like she'd ruined it……

After that, the rest of the BL2 vault hunters join Sanctuary lll and let's just say…..they were pissed.

There basically family at that point and if you go after family, your making it personal

While everyone is arguing on what to do if they came across Tyreen again, Krieg kept silent, brainstorming with himself on what to do with that rat boy's sister if he sees her again.

Due to what happened before, Maya was out of commission (both mentally and emotionally) for awhile

Eden-6

By the time of the Eden-6 arc, Tyreen used her powers to revive Troy (basically the unused Evil Troy design)

Aurelia is still working with the raiders and is undercover, joining the C.O.V to get more info.

Troy still has a weird thing for her but unlike canon……she's not interested in him and think he's a creep (that and she straight up told him that she's a lesbian)

Pandora 2

Prior to Tannis’s capture by the C.O.V, she and Fiona have started to become closer, Tannis also admits that while she's happy for Lilith and Fiona, she can't help but feel a little jealous.

Maya and Ava were able to reconcile, Maya even gave Ava her old Hellfire SMG, to which she was stoked about.

The boss battle with Troy ends a little differently, instead of dying he tries to leach one of the VH's but was instead leached by Ava, leaving him on the brink of death.

Before she fucked of to somewhere else, Tyreen leached what's left of Troy, so some part of him is still with her.

Nekrotefayo 

The raiders still meet Typhon, but instead of how it played out in canon, everyone stops seeing him in a good light not only after learning that he's the father of the Calypso's, but that he's the reason on why the twins act like that and how casually he talks about his shitty parenting.

Maya and Krieg hated him instantly, not only for the fact that the only thing that Typhon values about his late wife involved sex, but also talked about it in front of a 13 year old.

Tannis still admired Typhon at first, but she started to see the cracks and is now both embarrassed and disgusted at all the praise she gave him.

Lilith had since awoken from her coma and wanted to join the Vault Hunter's trip to Nekrotefayo, much to the displease of the other raiders.

And let's just say that it's taking every amount of her strength to not straight up kill Typhon.

The raiders then realized that Typhon was a huge liar and that he was never a vault hunter.

The vault on Nekrotefayo was already opened by the time he and his wife Leda arrived, the shit he said on his audio logs either never happened or were grossly exaggerated, but most damningly he stole Tannis’s research notes from her early days on Pandora and claimed that he open the vault of the Destroyer.

While Typhon was restraining Tyreen, something in Lilith snapped and……she ended up murdering Typhon…….

Pandora 3

From then on the storyline is the same as canon, up until the final cutscene where Lilith sacrifices herself after getting her powers back.

Instead of dying or going MIA, she survived thanks to the Watcher, but was gravely injured.

Once she has recovered, she announces that she's retiring and is making Maya the new leader of the Crimson Raiders.

Tyreen miraculously survived the battle. Everyone believes she's dead and she'd like to keep it that way.

[vaulthunterlands]

now i'm imagining all of the vault hunters working at fast food establishments (except aurelia. she'd probably be a critic at some extremely fancy-pants restaurant), which ones do you think would fit each of those?

Alright this is probably my favorite ask I've gotten in a while. Full disclosure I rarely eat fast food so I'm going solely off of vibes here

Roland: Gives me McDonald's/Burger King manager energy (except he's a good dude and not like a shitty manager) ((we love roland))

Lilith: Honestly? I could see Lilith working at like Panera. If that doesn't count as fast food probably like... Pizza Hut.

Brick: You already know my man works at Burger King. He wears the crown.

Mordecai: Definitely like a pizza hut or domino's type of guy. Tired and doesn't get paid enough (no fast food worker does)

Axton: you know that one drive thru worker who would sing the McDonald's theme and everyone loved him? That's Axton.

Maya: Maya would probably find herself working at Starbucks. I could absolutely see her being a fantastic barista and calling anyone who whined about her order a bitch. Also she'd look good in the apron...

Zer0: Works at Five Guys, also does the "Back at it again at Krispy Kreme" Vine thing every shift. Worked at Subway, got fired because they'd make people speak in haiku to order their sandwiches.

Salvador: Wendy's man. Surprisingly, tame at work. I could also see him as a Dunkin Donuts worker.

Gaige: If Gaige was forced to work fast food she'd probably get a McDonald's job and do the "overly nice but obviously sarcastic" voice to everyone until she snapped and got fired. Also probably dips her metal hand in the grease traps to slap a bitch.

Krieg: "THE LITTLE MAN LOVES THAT CHICKEN FROM POPEYE'S!" also employee of the month.

Athena: Canonically was very desperate for work so probably any of them but I think the funniest thing I can think of is Athena being one of those stone-cold McDonald's managers that have to constantly deal with shitty customers. I could also totally see her being a Chipotle worker and wrapping her burritos way too tightly out of aggression.

Nisha: I don't know if Texas Roadhouse counts but if it doesn't she'd definitely be working at a Pizza Hut. Hates her job.

Wilhelm: Disgruntled Burger King worker. (This ask was in response to the post I made about him)

Claptrap: Honestly, I could see Claptrap at any fast food restaurant but thinking of Claptrap as a sign spinner for like... Taco Bell seems perfect. KFC is also an option (props if you get this)

Timothy: Again, would work any kind of job for money, but I want to say he'd fit into like a Sonic or something.

Aurelia: As per the ask, would not go within 500 feet of a fast food restaurant. Prestigious food critic, total bitch about it. (I really love Aurelia I promise)

FL4K: Gives me Burger King energy because I think it'd be hilarious to see them wearing the crown. Also because I want to hear SungWon Cho (FL4K's VA) say "Your whopper is ready."

Zane: Banned from all fast food restaurants for public inebriation. Was formerly employed at Panda Express.

Moze: You know my girl is a Taco Bell employee. Drinks exclusively Baja Blast mixed with monster. Constantly making suggestions to people about what's good on the menu. Somehow doesn't put on any weight even when her diet is solely Taco Bell for like a month.

Amara: You know Amara would ideally want to work at one of those muscle bars, but as for fast food? I want to say she'd work at Arby's because she finds the commercials funny. That or Chipotle.

[llithiumstars]

hi!! i haven’t watched virtually any yogs content in like 7 years but was inspired by your blog to start giving things a look-see again, especially with seeing rythian, nilesy, and ravs on the main channel again and seeing that rythian’s doing another minecraft series now! i was wondering, does kirbycraft have much lore or rp content? i might watch it anyway because it does seem fun and i’ve been getting into watching minecraft series again after a long hiatus, but i tend to be much more interested in stuff with backstories and/or a storyline, even if it’s a relatively small part of the series! and do you know of any other yogs/yogs-adjacent minecraft series made in the past few years with more of a lore/rp focus? love your art btw!!

hiya!! welcome back, and thank you!!

It's fantastic seeing more minecraft on the main channel again, the build battles and other little bits have been such a treat and I'm so SO glad we're getting more of it!!

Kirbycraft,, is not a roleplay series, no, BUT I still strongly suggest checking out at least the edited videos over on Briony's channel! The first few sessions of streams did have quite a few little references on Rythian's part to Blackrock lore, and he has his continued dislike of endermen and such (If you find you don't vibe with watching the whole streams, at least check out the vod where they beat the dragon. It's very good.)

Despite it not being a lore/rp series, we're all very eager to make up silly lore in the fandom abt how krb would connect to Blackrock + the greater series lore, so while canon may not provide, Fanon absolutely will.

In terms of other series, since Flux Buddies ended back in 2019, we've not really had a true Yogsmc roleplay series. The closest would be what Martyn's been up to in the past couple years with the Life series, Rats and Pirates smps, and a few others I'm sure I'm forgetting. I love the Life series, very worth a watch from his povs, and I've heard good things abt the other mc series he's been involved in!

If you're happy to leave the yogs sphere I'd also recommend Empires, both seasons, if you're looking for a very lore and roleplay heavy series.

That being said, there's quite a lot of mc content from the yogs nowadays that isn't rp focused, (Duncan hasn't stopped, seriously does he know he can stop playing minecraft?) which is all excellent. Vault hunters with the Hats + Duncan's group was great, Duncan's park 2, cursedcraft with Simon + Gee. Plenty of stuff to try out!

I didn't expect this to get this long lol but!! Welcome back!! Big wide world of awesome stuff coming out, (and now's a great time to get into krb as they're likely to be taking essentially a season break/ start something new rather soon) and I hope you find something you enjoy!

EDIT: Feel free to add suggestions in the replies if I've forgotten a series here!