#also the story itself has been edited but i have no gone over it for grammar and syntax too much

[aphel1on]

the longer i look at this panel the more deranged i feel about it. this is environmental storytelling at its finest.

the eodio stand-in doll in particular makes me crazy. where did it come from? did thistle just pop into the village like "hey ungrateful wretches, one of you needs to make me a life-sized mannequin, For Reasons". did he make it himself? seems quite unlikely, yet the possibility haunts me. i mean, i guess there could've been one just lying around the dungeon somewhere. it's the act of replacement itself that really gets to me. (edit: it's been pointed out to me that the eodio doll also could have been left behind as part of delgal's escape plan. slightly different kind of madness but tbh, just as funny-sad to me if that happened and thistle went Ok, Guess That's Eodio Now.)

both the wives are there too. we know very little about them, which makes me tend to assume thistle wasn't all that close to them, but they're still included. when did they end up here? did he kick their souls out of their bodies at some point, or were they among those who left their bodies voluntarily to try and escape? when did yaad become an effective orphan, delgal an effective widower? women in the margins of the narrative, tell me your stories!

and the fact that they're surrounded with the living paintings, which thistle habitually wanders through to relive the past. this truly is his inner sanctum, his place of utmost comfort... and it may as well be a tomb.

that panel is so creepy when you first see it. just a sense of "ohh jeez, there's a lot to unpack there".

and actually, yeah, it remains creepy from pretty much any angle, but the more you think about it the more it's also tragic.

this is where many of thistle's happiest moments took place. everything he had in that picture is now gone. first he lost their warm regard, then one-by-one their bodies became hollow shells. before the end, none of the people here needed or enjoyed food anymore. the dinner table, as a center of both family life and nutrition, became obsolete.

a line from someone else's excellent post about thistle has stuck in my head ever since i read it: "to eat is to live, but to eat together is to be loved". to me, this is the sentiment and symbolism at the core of everything that happens in dungeon meshi.

it makes this bit all the sadder and more disturbing.

there's several things to note here:

thistle has gone from seated and eating with them as part of the family, to a lonely and ominous figure hovering over delgal's shoulder

eodio is conspicuously absent from view, and his body would have been a husk by now, but yaad says parents, which forces me to assume that they are sitting at the table with eodio's soulless body, hidden under yaad's speech bubble

they're not actually eating anything.

those plates are empty. you could assume that they've already finished eating, maybe, but yaad refers to it as sitting around the dinner table. in fact, he compares it to what he's currently doing; sitting at the dinner table watching the touden party eat, not eating anything himself.

it paints a pretty grim picture. for some time even after the fantasy had fallen apart, even after there was no need or desire to eat, they kept gathering around the dinner table. at that point, i'd guess only so as not to provoke thistle's wrath.

but even that last happened a long, long time ago.

this is a callback to what senshi said in the golden kingdom: the reason the people keep maintaining their fields and silverware and so forth is that they need to do so in order to stay sane.

paradoxically, the dinner table is the most striking evidence of thistle's insanity, and at the same time, it's the only anchor to sanity he has left.

he kept enforcing the ritual of dinner together long after it lost significance. when even that was impossible- because almost everyone's souls were gone- he kept their bodies at the table anyway. it's fine. it's fine! he's protected them, physically, just like he set out to. they're all still breathing. at a glance it looks like they could wake up and resume dinner at any moment. like this, it's easy to pretend.

isn't that what being a dungeon lord is, at the core of it? rejecting reality, staying in the prison of one's impossible desires. it's just one long game of pretend.

thistle did all this to protect his loved ones. no matter how obsessive and twisted he became in pursuit of that over the years, his core motivation never changed. this is all he has left of that dream: his loved ones' bodies gathered around the locus of their happiest memories together. like this, he can tell himself he's succeeded.

when eodio's body vanished with delgal's soul in it- when he couldn't even have that anymore... well.

i want to reach through the screen and shake him. no, they're not, thistle. THISTLE, NO, THEY'RE NOT! the doll of eodio is the closest thing to him in this panel, underlining the point. when that final illusion was shattered, he became completely unable to cope with reality.

therefore casually forgetting the creepy eodio doll isn't real.

thistle isn't stupid. eodio's body vanished at the same time as delgal's soul. shortly after, more adventurers came pouring in than ever before. deep down, he knows what happened. if he didn't, being confronted with the truth by mithrun wouldn't have made him panic so hard he summoned chimera falin to the first floor.

yet still...

he absolutely can't admit that to himself. he is clinging to the last scraps of the illusion with everything he has.

this is a dungeon lord at the end of desire. this is a lotus-eater machine left running long after its conclusion. this is mithrun lying listlessly in his bed, his replica lover having given up any pretense of being human. the illusion is all that's left. (an illusion is all it ever was.) thistle and the citizens of the golden kingdom- they're ghosts just as much as the ones who wander the dungeon floors. and if it weren't for thistle sealing the lion away, he would've been eaten by it long ago.

all of this encapsulated by that single panel of the dinner table.

[girl-failure]

Transwoman needs answers

this isnt an easy post to write and it's going to be full of info about me that's personal and embarassing but I am desperate for answers and assitance so please bear with me. Long story short, im almost 3 years hrt (may 19th will be exact) and it's like nothing has changed. More info under the cut.

I'm going to try and explain everything to the best of my memory, but exact dosages and stuff might be fuzzy and inexact. I began HRT on May 19th 2021, when I was 22. I took one and a half 2mg pills, twice (morning and night) daily. I took them sublingually. I was also prescribed Spironolactone, though the exact dose escapes me (i remember it was 1 pill nightly). I had only come out as trans in the December the previous year, so i considered myself unfathomably lucky to get to start so soon. I had done this through informed consent at a planned parenthood and was excited by the possibility of a future where my own body didn't make me want to die. The idea of changing my body gave me a feeling of control in my life that had been entirely absent until that point. I knew I wanted all the help I could get with breast development (the women in my immediate family are well endowed) and I had read & heard from other trans women that prog could help, but I'd have to wait to ask for it.

I think it was on December 15, 2021, I was officially prescribed 100 progesterone nightly. At this point I had began to notice softer skin, lighter hair, the few bits of acne left over from high school had gone entirely, and the inklings of breasts beginning to form. My libido had all but dissipated entirely at that point, but I was told (mostly by other trans women) it would come back, especially after starting prog, and that my body would likely experience pleasure differently, and that my orgasm would be very different. The fat from my stomach (i wasn't overweight or underweight, i was pretty average for a man my height, but I did have a masculine stomach I despised) hadn't relocated at all, but I knew HRT wasn't a sprint, but a marathon, and I had a long way to go. This continued for a long time, eventually i would be bumped up to two 2mg of E (sublingual pill) twice daily (8mg total), and my Spiro would change to 200mg a day EDIT: My Spiro dosages did fluctuate, though again I don't recall the exact dosages, (I initially got it confused with my prog dosage, sorry), though there was the occasional few week period where I'd be bumped back down to one and a half E pills because I had timed my blood-work poorly. It had been a while since starting HRT and I was starting to worry. My libido never came back, I was unable to feel the sensation of pleasure entirely, my breasts & nipples never became sensitive or had growth pains, and my breasts really hadn't grown at all. My stomach still made me feel awful and masculine because fat continued to pile up there instead of in the feminine places I was told and led to believe it should!!! I was scared and frightened and upset. I'd say I developed an eating disorder but my eating was already disordered. I was afraid of food. Afraid it'd just make me look manly, instead of going to my hips/waist/whatever and breasts like it was supposed to. I began to feel like the hrt that was supposed to save my life was just making me feel worse.

On October 23rd, 2023, I finally started seeing a doctor again after 9 years of not being able to afford it, and only then because a parent got insurance through their work. I was officially prescribed Estradiol Valerate (.3mL intramuscular, and the bottle itself is 20mg/mL) , and quit Spiro outright. Now that I was talking to a doc, especially one who had been working with trans people in my area for years, I was starting to have hope again that maybe injections would solve my problems. After all, they're supposed to be more powerful right? Well after some blood-work revealing that my T levels were so low they were undetectable, we started fiddling with my injection dosages. I went down to .25mL. Nothing changed. I went down to .2ml. Nothing changed. I stayed at .2mL and was prescribed a med called EstraTest (.625mg E and 1.25mg T), a single pill which has both E and T in it, to try and raise my T levels back to measurable levels and hopefully find that golden ratio of E and T where maybe my body will start working again and start changing. But that brings us today. I still don't feel any sensation of pleasure (masturbating is pointless, intimacy just feels like I'm disappointing my partner), let alone a female orgasm (which as embarrassing as it is to admit, I was really looking forward to), my nipples still don't get sensitive and my chest doesn't get sore or get growing pains. My breasts look the same way they did 4 months into hrt. I've still had practically no fat redistribution, though I've gotten better about eating and not being afraid of food. I'm even beginning to notice my acne slowing starting to come back. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Why has nothing worked? Why does it feel like I'm regressing? I lost my health insurance earlier this week, and I can't afford to see my doctor again with my dumb pizza delivery job, so I haven't been able to ask to try anything more drastic to try and fix these issues. My current theories are that maybe my body is just more resistant to E? Which would be awful, but might be handled by just tripling my dose or something? Or

that my receptors are fried, and that the only solution would be to stop taking my HRT for a while (maybe even a long while). I pray that isn't the case, because I'd sooner off myself then let my body regress any further.

So this is a call for help. If anyone has any idea what could be causing these problems for me, or knows how I might be able to fix them, PLEASE let me know. I've lost hope in having a future as a woman, or even just feeling apathy towards my body (instead of intense self-loathing) at this point.

Here's my ca$happ if anyone wants to throw some money my way and maybe I'll be able to see the doctor again. cash.app/$occultChloe

[drakesroyalromance]

hi, i’ve been gone from the choices fandom but now i want to get back into it. can you tell me which books that have come out over the past couple of years i should read and rec some people to follow who’re still active in the fandom? i’m asking you because i trust your opinions haha

Okay, I take your trust very seriously, so this is about to get very detailed lol

I’m going to divide the books I recommend into two tiers:

Tier I - Books that are must reads: 1. Blades of Light and Shadow, book 2: Depending on how long you’ve been gone, you’ve probably already played the first book. The second one is emotional and frustrating and amazing, and ultimately a good continuation of the story. I can’t wait for book 3!

2. Crimes of Passion: It’s a murder mystery with compelling characters that are extremely lovable, and the dynamic between the two main characters is exactly the kind of dynamic I love in every iteration. The mystery itself is better in the second book than it is in the first (of course, these are all just my opinions) and I have high hopes for both what the characters’ arc is going to be in book 3 and what the mystery is going to be.

3. Immortal Desires: I don’t know if you like stories about vampires (like Twilight), but even if you don’t, you’ll probably still love this book. It has a mystery in both books too and has two of my favourite love interests. Book 2 is currently releasing on Fridays and I look forward to it every week!

Tier II - Books with parts that could’ve been better/were unsatisfactory, but that are still 100% worth reading: 1. Murder at Homecoming: This is a personal favourite of mine! I think mystery is a genre that Choices does really well, and this book is one of their most diverse and inclusive. All of the LIs are bi (like, they actually say it and have conversations about it). This book would be a must read for me if it weren’t for the fact that one of the biggest mysteries is left unsolved.

2. Kindred: This book is so fun! I love the bond between the sisters, they’re all complex characters and Kaine is one of my favourite love interests as well.

3. Guinevere: I don’t usually like historical fiction and fantasy, but this book is an exception to that. If you love Liam and Drake from TRR, this book has characters who are similar to them and have similar dynamics with the MC!

I answered an ask a while ago about which people I’d recommend following, which you can find here. That list has a lot of people that aren’t really active anymore, but I’d recommend following them anyway because they have amazing fanfiction/art that you should check out, or are just really good people. The only people on that list that are still at least somewhat active are @saivilo (whom I adore), @noahmrshall (who makes stunning edits) and @brightpinkpeppercorn (who is so nice!) I’d also recommend following these people who aren’t on that list: @lover-also-fighter-also (they’re active, post about different Choices books, and seem really cool), @moominofthevalley (they’re active, and post mainly about Crimes of Passion, so of course I follow them lol. They’re also very friendly), @aria-ashryver (they’re active, post mainly about Immortal Desires, and seem very sweet!), @mvalentine (they’re pretty active, post about different Choices books and seem super fun), @raleighcarrera (they’re kind of active, and write the most beautiful fic), and @argylemnwrites (they’re kind of active, and write Drake x MC fic that’s so in-character it’ll be forever ingrained in my brain).

I’m sure I’m forgetting some people, but those are the ones I can think of right now!

[criticalbeauregard]

how agathario could've won

EDIT: people are taking this post as me saying every ship needs a happy ending to have value or that the ending was bad bc they don’t end up riding off into the sunset. let me clarify this was just an idea i had (also without context for several jac interviews that have since come out)

i've been thinking a lot about the finale and how some people have been saying "what did you think was going to happen? you thought they were going to live happily ever after?" to which i didn't really have a good answer for but i've been collecting my thoughts and i have a bit of a "fix it" or alternate concept for ep 8 & 9 that could possibly turn into a fic down the road:

episode 8 is the earth trial and final showdown. i feel like the earth trial itself was pretty underwhelming in favor of sending jen and billy out of the "road" and also in the larger context of the rest of the episode i'm unsure of the purpose it serves. with the later knowledge that the road is all billy's design this makes sense, but agatha's growth (literally) in that moment alone seems inconsequential and essentially washes away when she exits the "trial" and sees rio. she says, with something that sounds like acceptance, "sometimes boys die." and she's in what would be rio's trial. she talks about life coming out of death, she literally grows a flower from a seed within the momento she carries for her dead son. it feels like an acceptance or understanding of rio's actions in a way. and possibly a nod to nicky not being fully gone. i would've liked (i suppose in a world where the road doesnt hinge on billy's knowledge of the coven members) for rio's trial to be more centered around her loss of nicky and agatha. the other trials focus on the greatest fears of the coven member associated with it after all. perhaps a trial that also forces agatha to reveal the true story of what happened to nicky to jen and billy, even ending similarly with sending the others away and finding true acceptance of what rio is and that she was nicky's mother too. maybe with prompting from the others and reassurance about how the truth is not "too awful" (which i think is a belief born of agatha's shame for not being able to protect nicky).

in the final showdown, rio is expecting a fight since agatha didn't make good on her deal. but agatha is coming to rio with something she doesn't expect, understanding. maybe rio thinks it's a trick and there's still some sparring there, billy then shows up and powers up agatha. rio asks which one of them is coming with her. agatha, injured, yells out "what would our son think of this?" rio falters at that. agatha talks about what she's learned and maybe even how that very nature she's hated for so long is what made her fall in love with rio to begin with. agatha wants to make a new deal, rio lets billy go and when agatha dies (a long long time from now) they will go reunite with their son together. rio regretfully tells her "that balance still must be maintained, i can offer only time" and agatha tearfully says "i know." they kiss, not a kiss of death, but of life. a renewal of their love. flowers bloom around them, all of the ones rio never got to give to her over the years. and when agatha opens her eyes again, rio is gone.

in episode 9 we see agatha and rio meet for the first time, agatha have nicky, rio play with nicky in the woods on some nights while agatha sleeps, everything else we see with nicky and agatha's relationship, rio and nicky's last walk and maybe also rio and agatha's first encounter after nicky's death, perhaps in which we gain some insight into why agatha is keeping up the witches' road con.

having heard the story during the earth trial and through witnessing her deal with rio, billy has a deeper understand of why agatha is the way she is. this reminds him of wanda and he realizes why agatha actually was so interested in what wanda did. she says the bit about him reminding her of nicky and how he always did even when he was young. he thanks her for buying him time, agatha tells him to make the most of it and that things might move quicker with another set of hands. "coven two." they go to find tommy.

idk lmk what you think and if i'm forgetting something very glaring but this idea was heavily inspired by @agatharkn3ss 's nicky's parentage theory post.

[theweirdhybrid]

Edit: This post is directed at people who also use Twitter/X or any other social media platform that Lego has a presence on, if you are not one of those people feel free to ignore this post (and leave me alone, please)

I haven't been in the LMK fandom for a hot minute, but holy SHIT you guys NEED to calm down about the animation team changing. It's literally fine. The animation quality is fine. It Is Fine. It changed SLIGHTLY. When I first heard about the animation being shitty, I thought "Oh man, it must've been really bad for people to be so upset over this." And then I actually watched the trailer. What the fuck, guys.

As far as I could tell, the animation quality was largely the same, just with a few minor differences in style that in the grand scheme of things, aren't that noticeable. It's just Different.

There is no reason to be throwing a hissy fit over Flying Bark having to hand LMK over to a different team because they couldn't keep up with the deadlines. None. Literally not a single one. Do y'all have any idea how lucky it is that all that happened was the animation style changed a little bit? If things behind the scenes had gone even a little differently, the show would've been cancelled in its entirety. (Not to mention we could be seeing the UNFINISHED PRODUCT. CALM. DOWN. And even if we aren't y'all STILL need to CALM. THE HELL. DOWN.)

And as far as I can tell, the story and writing itself seems perfectly fine as well, the ANIMATION TEAM changing has NO EFFECT on the WRITER'S TEAM.

Would you prefer the animation to have changed a little bit with the same quality of writing, or would you prefer the animation stay the same and the writing to go down the drain? Because I've seen that happen before. I lived through VLD. It's a lot fucking worse.

Seriously, I'm not joking. At All. If you make a big enough stink about LMK's style changing just a TINY BIT, sure, they COULD change it, but for a show that is relatively unpopular, barely has a foothold on any LEGAL streaming services and is hanging on to life by the SKIN of its TEETH, has only ELEVEN MINUTES PER EPISODE INCLUDING CREDITS, something a LOT worse is more likely to happen.

With the rate shows get cancelled these days, if people jump ship or complain too much over A TINY DIFFERENCE IN ANIMATION, the show could be cancelled.

Also, I get you're upset and sad to see Flying Bark go, and maybe that's where your anger is coming from, but please keep those thoughts to yourself or in private spaces. If you get too loud about disliking the show in ANY capacity, the entire thing gets nuked.

And if you're still planning on complaining publicly about it...

GET OVER YOURSELF.

IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, IT'S A CARTOON. CHECK YOUR GODDAMN PRIVILEGE, IT IS THE TINIEST OF ANIMATION CHANGES, KINDLY SHUT UP AND DIRECT THAT ANGER AT SOMETHING USEFUL.

[horizon-verizon]

Daenerys is the Prince that was Promised. When she visits the House of the Undying, she is told she is the child of three, which relates to the three heads of the Dragon. And the child of three/three heads of the Dragon means she is the Prince that was Promised, the Stallion who Mounts the World, Azor Ahai. They are all myths retelling the same story, just in a different cultural lens.

People forget that Martin’s subversion of the Chosen One trope is based on 90s fantasy...which was overwhelmingly male characters and candidates, perhaps the most significant at the time being Rand al’Thor of the late Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series. No one would expect, at the time, that the Prince that was Promised would be a princess. Most would have argued, as a significant portion of the fandom does till this day, that it is Jon, the standard male hero character. Jon being the Prince that was Promise would be a trope in of itself. Since we have gone beyond 90s fantasies, there have been more female chosen ones (Daenerys paved the way), but she still resides in that 90’s concept of a female Chosen One. (Also ignoring the obvious Jesus parallels such as her walk through the desert, her being born of fire, Bonfier Hasty worshiping the Maiden because of his love for Rhaella, etc).

I note as much ("They are all myths retelling the same story, just in a different cultural lens.") HERE. branwyn-the-half-witch has an interesting thought that that particular title accidentally developed from Aegon seeing a Targ from his own blood ("prince") be needed ("promised") for a future fight HERE.

Which justifies how the TPTWP title/meaning exists in Westeros; no other Westerosi (maester or otherwise) really spoke of it before Stannis, who of course received such from Melisandre and more a restored-but-half-realized knowledge of the original Essoi mythic body of a savior. Said "restored" because the Targs have been isolated from or cut themselves from Essos but were still magically/by blood connected to it...bc their very blood is that source for those dragon dreams.

(Ironically, the Seven faith--meant to mimic Catholicsm and the Catholic Church in its:

dogma

that dogma's rigidity's influence over the whole of Westeros' society (chivalry/warriordom; mores on hierarchy and obedience, childrearing/corporal punishment, the self-mortification of the carving stars in one's forehead [though this is present in many real-world religions and sects, in the West its immediately recognized and associated with Christian self flagellation])

the multiplicity of many aspects of one god, the aesthetics of stained windows or multicolored glass/translucent substances inlaid or making up part of a geometric, architectural structure [not just buildings but crowns of the high Septon and Aenys I]

the structure of High Septon, septons, and septas mirroring Pope, priests/deacons/measters-monks/nuns

the HS/Pope's relationship with monarchs as to sometimes affirm and sometimes condemn and be some sort of religious "check" but also support for the monarchy

"holy days"

the Knights Templar (who were aka "The Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon") & crusaders inspiring the Poor Fellows & the Warrior's Sons

*EDIT* some rituals, as well

has no element of a Christ-like or a generally mythic savior figure in its mythos. The none Catholic/Seven faiths [except the old gods, but even here there is a hint of a need for saving against the Long night but its just so decreased bc of te nearly lost greenseers and twstsote and the giants] all have this focus on a savior figure instead.)

[persephonememes]

* (  THE HAUNTING OF BLY MANOR /  SENTENCE PROMPTS.

These may have been edited for clarity or length or to better apply for roleplaying.

❛ i was just really, really sad. ❜

❛ dead doesn’t mean gone. ❜

❛ i thought i was going to die too. ❜

❛ it only felt like dying because, actually, i was still alive. ❜

❛ to truly love another person is to accept that the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them. ❜

❛ we can’t count on the past. ❜

❛ we think we have it trapped in our memories, but memories fade. ❜

❛ you’ll find it much quieter out here. ❜

❛ any of us could die at any moment. ❜

❛ she/he was my anchor. ❜

❛ i’m a lot braver than people think. ❜

❛ nothing holds, and all things change, given time. ❜

❛ change does not often announce itself. ❜

❛ all things fade. ❜

❛ time takes all things. ❜

❛ it is the way of the world. ❜

❛ the past recedes, memories fade, and so, true, does the spirit. ❜

❛ everything yields to time, even the soul. ❜

❛ there’s a difference between feeling good and feeling alive. ❜

❛ funerals are for the living. it’s up to the living to decide what they can and cannot bear. ❜

❛ i don’t know why brilliant young women are always punished. ❜

❛ you don’t have to lose yourself to find happiness, you know. ❜

❛ i was having the strangest dream. ❜

❛ what have you got when your back’s against the wall when there’s nothing left for you but faith? ❜

❛ sometimes, right can seem wrong, and wrong can seem right. ❜

❛ do you know what life is really all about? ❜

❛ save them all if you can, but put your own oxygen mask on first. ❜

❛ death is something to mourn, not fear. ❜

❛ i wasn't going to ask you if you're alright because i don't like being lied to. so, what's wrong? ❜

❛ everyone is exhaustive. even the best ones. ❜

❛ we are meant to die. it's natural. ❜

❛ every living thing grows out of every dying thing. ❜

❛ that's where all it's beauty lies, you know, in the mortality of the thing. ❜

❛ one day at a time is what we've got. ❜

❛ one day at a time is what we've got. it's what everybody's got, if you get down to it. ❜

❛ if you can't feel anything, then i'll feel everything for the both of us. ❜

❛ but no one is going anywhere, okay? ❜

❛ you shouldn't be thinking of losing each-other at all. ❜

❛ don't let that loom over your happiness right now. ❜

❛ it is rare what you've got. ❜

❛ what is the catch? ❜

❛ i’m not running, from anything and it hurts me when you say that. ❜

❛ perfectly splendid. ❜

❛ you have to promise me that you’ll stay in your room. ❜

❛ none of us are blameless. ❜

❛ on a scale of zero to american, how would you rate her? ❜

❛ it’s such a draining thing, dealing with children. ❜

❛ i have an inquiring mind. ❜

❛ we both know you don’t make mistakes. ❜

❛ let me guess, you are to be our very own mary poppins? ❜

❛ i hope she haunts that fucker forever. ❜

❛ why should anyone hate a lake? ❜

❛ let me show you just how beautiful you are. ❜

❛ it’s just you and me then. ❜

❛ look at you all flush. you’re pretty when you blush. ❜

❛ being with him might be scary at times but, it’s also exciting and fun. ❜

❛ and for the first time in my life, that little voice in my head saying i’m not good enough has disappeared. ❜

❛ i’ve never felt so alive. ❜

❛ i swear, you’re such a bore, and you don’t know when the leave well enough alone. ❜

❛ sometimes people just need to be alone. ❜

❛ i couldn’t sleep. i feel like i can never sleep again, frankly. ❜

❛ haven’t we done this already? ❜

❛ i have a surprise for you. ❜

❛ i have a surprise for you. ❜

❛ don’t leave your room at night. ❜

❛ the past is always present. ❜

❛ the stories we tell each other have a way of changing. ❜

❛ love is a haunting melody that i have never mastered and i fear i never will. ❜

❛ no good ever comes from dwelling on the worst. ❜

❛ you can’t choose who you love. ❜

❛ ghosts do not have to be scary. they can be comforting. ❜

❛ the heart is a fragile thing, and it can break in many different ways. ❜

❛ people often fear what they cannot understand. ❜

❛ we are all haunted in some way, by the things we have lost or the things we have done. ❜

❛ death is not the end, it’s just a door we all have to go through. ❜

❛ the past cannot be changed, but it can still hurt us. ❜

❛ the things we bury have a way of finding their way back to the surface. ❜

❛ some people are born to be alone, and others are born to be together. ❜

❛ ghosts are memories, and memories are what make us who we are. ❜

❛ the dead don’t really leave us. they live on in the memories we have of them. ❜

❛ the more we try to run from something, the more it chases us. ❜

❛ we all have a shadow self, the part of us that we don’t like to admit exists. ❜

❛ the world is full of secrets, and some are best left buried. ❜

❛ the heart wants what it wants, and sometimes that can be a terrifying thing. ❜

❛ every relationship is a dance, and both people need to be willing to take a step forward. ❜

❛ life can be cruel, but it can also be beautiful. ❜

❛ we are all just playing a part, but some roles are harder to shake off than others. ❜

❛ the past is written, but the future is still unwritten. ❜

❛ the greatest tragedy in life is not death, but the things we leave unsaid. ❜

❛ i do not like this game. ❜

❛ i'm actually pretty in love with you. ❜

❛ no one should ever need that much help. ❜

❛ you let me handle this part. ❜

❛ the wrong kind of love can fuck you up, follow you and make you do some really stupid shit. ❜

[doggirling]

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY, RICKY!!!!!! 💚🦇🎉

it has officially been HALF A DECADE since a depressed little 14-year-old me decided to try designing a random fruit bat librarian character in krbay's art style, entirely clueless to the fact a whole story would branch out from him and that she'd be changing the trajectory of her own life forever!!! happy 5 years of ricky, 5 years of starstruck, and 5 years of a somewhat worrying level of kirby oc hyperfixation!!!

(and he also did get that KitchenAid KSM90PS 300-Watt Ultra Power 4-1/ 2-Quart Empire Green Stand Mixer.)

read below for a very rambly note, and more 💚⬇

i initially had written and drafted a very long, very heartfelt note about ricky and how much he's helped me, but i felt it was a bit too intimate to publicly post online, so a majority of it has been put away. here is a snippet.

this fruit bat has been with me through (DEEP BREATH) severe depression, missing my last months of middle school due to it, extreme childhood suicidal ideation, starting high school all alone with none of my friends, therapy, meeting some of my best friends ever, the pandemic, the lockdown, contracting a certain illness twice (hint hint), the terror of online school, more therapy (cbt edition), finding a psychiatrist, receiving my official diagnoses, getting properly medicated, getting better, losing all my childhood pets, finally getting to a point where i overcame depression, graduating high school, and my gap year! ricky has been here for some of the biggest milestones in my life, and he's helped me reach each one. i can say for certain i would not be at the point i am now (or would maybe even still be alive at all) if it weren't for ricky. via the struggles he faced in his story as i developed him + starstruck over time, younger me had him as a coping mechanism throughout the hardest time of my life, where his continued survival and perseverance despite everything was something i decided to replicate (if ricky dahlia can survive all that, so can i!) i continued to live as a way to thank him and the cast for what they've gone through and how they helped me, and i will give him the happy ending he deserves because he's why i reached mine in the first place! whether i remain fixated on starstruck/kirby or not (which i probably will, considering this is also technically the 5-year anniversary post for starstruck itself and the hyperfixation has not wavered once), it will never ever change the fact that ricky is the most beloved, important character i ever created. may he and i see many more years together. ❤❤❤

NOW. here's a collection of all the ricky bday art from over the years put together! its very nice seeing how both my art improved and also how ricky's design has somewhat changed over the years. would normally be very embarrassed posting such old art. but its in the name of celebrating ricky, so i can tolerate it. 😊

1️⃣. first birthday

2️⃣. second birthday

3️⃣. third birthday

4️⃣. fourth birthday

that's all for this post now, considering it's already super long 😅 ricky is just one of the most important things in my life, and the fact that 1. it's now been a whole 5 years/half a decade since he came into existence, and 2. i'm actually alive to witness it is. kind of a big deal to me. so you all have to deal with me being particularly obnoxious about him, cause if it weren't for him, i would not be here. anyways... until next year. I LOVE ALL OF YOU, AND I ESPECIALLY LOVE YOU, RICKY GREENDOWN DAHLIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💚💚💚🦇🦇🦇

[ratherembarrassing]

2024: weeks 39 and 40 (wtf?!)

time is a fucking hamster wheel and i'm literally too lazy to edit this into the way i usually do, so. enjoy!

england!:

the cold that hit me on the bus home after chappell roan persisted through every event recorded in this post. just a little context for fun.

monday morning, awoke to a giant fucking billboard ad for hinge literally outside my hotel window having gone up overnight, which felt unnecessarily pointed and i decided i had to leave london immediately.

but i didn't, because i needed food. can we talk about eggslut's hashbrowns again? cause they are fucking incredible.

was immediately punished for not leaving london, as i turned a corner in shoreditch and walked straight into a film set, which did in fact give me a mild panic attack because reasons. it was citadel, so it was fine.

then i got the hell out of london. i got in a car and i drove! off into the countryside! apparently there was flooding across southern england, but as i drove literally all the way across southern england in both directions, i saw little more than puddles, so i'm not convinced. also, trees. so many trees!

thus begins what i think i will simply refer to in the future as "that time i drove all over southern england just because."

i did absolutely zero research or planning for anything beyond typing "seven sisters" into google maps to check how far it was, but i did not die so it's fine, and then i did in fact see the seven sisters. i did get asked if i was there to kill myself, which i was not, but i can see how i might have given off that vibe.

salisbury can go fuck itself, but it's probably not the town of salisbury's fault so much as the weather, the cunt at the front desk of the hotel i was staying at, and the horrible potato thing i ate there. they do have a very cool cathedral.

stonehenge can stay.

bath is in fact prettier than advertised. the hotel i booked while in some jetlag-fueled delirium was in fact a bath. at this point i did feel like wandering the english countryside was revealing something to me, which might have just been the general lack of sleep talking.

after a very early morning trip to the actual roman baths and stomping around in the rain, i had had enough of doing things, and that is how i ended up eating kfc at 4pm in my hotel bed and then sleeping for like 12 hours.

three days in the country was all i thought i could tolerate, so i went back to london for a hot minute to look at some art at the national gallery. once again i was denied seeing the turners i should have been able to see.

insert here the story of me frantically trying to find a way to charge my phone with only 1% battery and my train ticket trapped inside it and all of st pancras having exactly zero ways for me to do so.

train - the bad version.

@notabuddhist treated me to the sights of her lovely town! again, i feel like Seeing England has revealed something to me, if not about myself then at least about the goals of the white people in australia that were previously unknown to me. don't know what to do with this knowledge yet.

train - the good version.

and then: emma time. listen, i don't think that play was any great work of art. it might actually have been corny as hell. but that's not the point. the point is i didn't die, and i went back again the next night and didn't die again. growth!

i wasn't planning to go to the tate, but sometimes you just have to go to the tate.

refusing to concede my final day in england, brunch in soho, wandered over to the royal academy for some more art, took my life in my hands again biking from buckingham palace back to my hotel.

i did not manage to find a lick of football to watch, so i went to the airport and went home.

the nightmare that followed:

monday did not exist for me

tuesday i arrived home at like 5am, slept all day, slept all night.

wednesday???

thursday i went back to work.

friday, i have no fucking clue.

weekend??????????????????? will my sleep schedule ever return to normal, we just don't know. i'd like to be a cool international traveler who just bounces from place to place, but the timezones between here and there specifically have destroyed me every time on returning to australia.

the end.

[nicosraf]

Sorry if this gets rambly, but I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate and admire you for turning down a traditional publishing offer to continue to write the way you want. There's a certain level of tender rawness in your works that I know would be completely stripped away by a publishing house. From the topics you write about to the way you portray queerness, it would all be soulless and devoid of any beauty if you signed it all away. I don't think I would love your work as much as I do if you didn't self-publish. From the topics you write about to the way you portray queerness, it would all be soulless and devoid of any beauty if you signed it all away. My previous experiences with reading self-published books has always been 50/50, and most of the time, I felt like they would've been better if they were polished and cleaned by a traditional publisher. In reading Angels Before Man, I've come to realize how important it is to read books outside of the "approved publisher" bubble. It feels so liberating to read something so unapologetically queer and dark and emotional. In a world where queer works feel like they're getting more and more santitized for the comfort of cishet corporate overlords, it's comforting to know that we're able to tell our stories on our own terms.

Hello!!! Thank you for saying this. I'm sorry if I also get rambly but I have a lot, a lot, of thoughts on self-publishing and the industry after I've taken some big steps away from it.

I need to make the small correction that I didn't turn down a deal itself. I was in limbo waiting for the deal and had already gotten a rejection or two on ABM getting picked up. I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to talk about but I'll try to be clear

The series of events goes: I posted ABM online in November 2022, my agent reached out to me in January, ABM immediately gets sent to a "very interested" publisher in February, then I revised the book before I sent it to other "interested/excited" publishers around March. I lasted until early August, had a meltdown, then begged my agent to tell the publishers to let go of my book so I could work on the sequel.

I'm giving context because "stripped away by a publishing house" really struck a cord with me.

Here's the thing: the publishing industry is in a downward spiral. The author dream is gone. If you sell a book, your advance is more likely to be, say, 50k instead of 100k and that 50k is going to split into 4 payments over 2 years. Publishers don't market books anymore; they just make you open up a TikTok account and tell you to dance. Editors are overworked and picking up books that either are or feel already developmentally edited and (some) are asking for blurbs from big name authors (?!) before they look at your manuscript. They want books they can line edit quickly and send to market — but it's not their fault. HarperCollins editors were on strike for an absurdly long time and have gained... well, basically nothing. Agents and editors are leaving the industry. Publishing houses are "poaching" successful indie books and stroking indie author egos to take half their royalties.

I haven't even gotten to the racism and white liberalism problem. Look at Xiran Jay Zhao having their work being held hostage by their publisher for being anti-genocide. I worry about how queerness is represented in tradbooks but maybe more deeply worry about the race problem. There were calls for diversity 10 years and they've led absolutely nowhere. "Diversity" focused imprints keep getting shut down and leaving their authors in limbo.

But about editing again — so I'm sure you've heard of this book Babel by RF Kuang. It's popular but gets critiqued for hand-holding a white audience too much. Here's the thing though — I made a similar comment to my buddy and he told me whether that's the fault of Kuang or the fault of the editor. And that made me think — how many books are critiqued for what authors may have been forced to do? Yellowface by Kuang, written after Babel, goes into a manuscript getting heavily changed to appeal to white readers. Editors say "But I'm confused" and "But it doesn't make sense to me" because your editor is themselves the inescapable, white audience. And usually the cishet audience too — the straight person sighing that your fags are too problematic in these scary political times.

So why am I saying all this?? Look, I've never thought ABM was perfect. I think it's got some mediocre lines, some things I attempted that I don't think I pulled off. I, also, got into the habit of looking at self-published books (my own included) and thinking, "Oh this needed a professional hand-holding it." Tradpub was exciting to me because I could have someone hold my hand and work on the prose with me. I wanted to make the prose better.

But so I step into tradpub and it all goes wrong. They don't know what to do with me. They suggest a revision to cut it down to a novella. I get angry and then get angrier when I'm treated like I'm being spoiled; it's not about my "vision" here. Imagine if I announced to ABM readers that I cut ABM to 80 pages for a little bit of money?? Others started implying Part 2 basically needed to go; it's too confusing, too fucked up. Part 1 was perfect. Rafael, have u considered it being more of a romantasy? Have you considered a happy ending. Have you considered Michael and Lucifer having romantic virgin sex and have you considered cutting that other part with God entirety. Have you considered whether you're just trying to shock people and maybe you need to calm down

Well, I responded to all this with "What about the readers?? I can't make any big changes. They wouldn't like that." But I saw that they didn't want my readers.

There's a publisher right now who has Angels Before Man by rafael nicolás slapped on their "type of books we want" brochure they sent to (I believe) agents. They never contacted me though. I started to see that maybe no publisher ever wanted ABM. They wanted something like ABM, the idea of ABM and the idea of rafael, the mysterious queer mexican guy. you see, the publishing dream is not dead! you too can be like rafael. you can be a nobody who gets their book picked up by Penguin Random House and Fixed to Be Good and make a hundred thousand dollars and youll get to sit at the cool kids table.

Anyway, I love to read self-published, 0 rating books. They're usually weird, full of typos sometimes, but I never care. I don't read to judge something on a merit of goodness anyway (what does that mean) but just to experience something. I love reading porn, but I'm not usually sexually tantalized but it; I just love how insane it is. And seeing someone put their whole heart in something full of typos and pacing issues and plot holes is a thousand times more fulfilling to me than reading a polished husk of 3-act structure, perfect clean characters, strong prose that was worked on by 19 people and doesn't hold the dreams/desires/flaws of anyone.

I'm really happy to self-publish. I like not having a censor and pouring my heart into something. And work! Hard work is incredibly fulfilling to me; I care more about the work I put into A&M than the product it'll end up being. But I also keep thinking of situations like Babel and I think that if my work sucks, at least it's because of me and my skill, or lack thereof. It gives me a little bit of dignity.

thank you again for the ask. i appreciate it very much.

[eemamminy-art]

fanfic askkkkkssssssss 👀😈?

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

Currently that's all my ffxiv WIPs frankly :') idk how to feel about them or how to finish them... They're all really over the top smut and I'm like, kinda cringing at myself so I haven't gone back to finish/edit them 😖 There's f!grahawol, f!zenoswol (featuring the much hated "in from the cold" dinner scene, but sexy), and exselch but I realized the exselch one is kind of like the f!exselch I wrote before but with them being their normal guy selves so I got really hung up on like, why am I writing this... I kind of already wrote this... 😭 Maybe I will go back to them one day but they've all been languishing in my gdocs for the better part of the year 🥴

Also there's some first draft chapters from my stardew valley fic that got cut and I doubt I can repurpose them at all but I'm keeping them like, for my own knowledge at least ghdsjjgds also mostly smut parts because bruh that's embarrassing but also there's a few drafts of the finale that were cut too (the finale itself is still a wip but I do know how I want the fic to end more or less, whenever I get there)

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

I don't know if I'd say hate necessarily because I'm fragile and don't want to think people are reading my fics and being like, mad about it? 😩 BUT ummm I know I am being inconsistent on a couple of punctuation things and I think there's probably some turbo nerd out there getting frustrated that sometimes I write a sentence like:

"Dialog," action. "More dialog."

And other times it's:

"Dialog," action, "More dialog."

Probably also someone is mad I use prolog and epilog and dialog but I'm an american I will use american english get your UE UE UE out of here! Maybe the run-on sentences too. I like to think it's stylized, and I could be more correct but I like the flavor of my writing reading as though it's someone telling you the story out loud. But yeah all that to say I am doing all those things intentionally, because the flow of the text matters 1000000% more to me than having the most correct english ever

OH!!! Also no one has said anything but I'm anticipating someone getting upset about POV changes mid-chapter. Gonna be one of those with later today's update so I'm bracing for it. For the record though if stuff like that takes you out of a story you're a turbo nerd, sorry to tell you 😞

Fanfic ask game

[akuma-tenshi]

!! VOLUME / GLITCH / FLASH WARNING !!

posted on youtube because tumblr absolutely destroyed the quality

happy birthday to the world's most beautiful man!! i made this edit earlier this month but decided to schedule it for his birthday instead, since it was happening soon anyway lmao. so here's an edit for my favourite frederick skin in story, characterisation, theme, and design!! phantom sail is genuinely such an incredible skin and i love how this turned out; with each edit i make i only get better >:-D

song is culpability and the panopticon by ghost and pals. 'twas promised in the tags for my emil edit and now i deliver <3

several paragraphs of super sappy shit + frederick appreciation under the cut

so back before frederick was released, my best friend @sunset-of-the-void and i had been talking about him. we didn't know much about him, but we liked what we did know: a beautiful, mentally ill musician with family trauma, auditory hallucinations, and perfectionism issues. void was a lot more fond of him than i was, but the more we talked about him, the more i liked him too. i found myself eager to learn more about this upcoming survivor.

so now here we are. a little over a year after his release, and with his inclusion in ashes of memory, his complete lack of new skins until coa7 and voyage of oceanus, and playing him initially just to fulfill one side of a ship (i'll get talking about emilerick in a sec), he's only grown more on me. i've made jokes that frederick is one of only two men who i as a lesbian am attracted to, but in all seriousness, i genuinely adore him as a character. he is truly very well-written and designed and in one short year, he's become a huge comfort for me. he's one of my favourite idv characters to write about, and i'm pretty sure i'm more than a little annoying about him to my idv friends (terribly sorry about that </3).

and yes, maybe part of that comes from void coming up with the brilliant, beautiful ship that is emilerick. making content for what's quickly turned into one of my biggest comfort ships has given me a chance to look even deeper into his character outside of stressful situations. frederick is a fascinating and complex character, and i have greatly enjoyed writing him interacting with emil, who, in my opinion, is just as fascinating and complex as he is. as long as frederick has existed, we have had emilerick, and i wouldn't have it any other way.

on his own, too, frederick is a wonderful character, and i love him dearly. from surface-level traits such as his posh appearance and the music that disrupts the game itself, to what aom introduced with his relation to mary and his proficiency with firearms, to even the smallest details like his chimerism and the family crest on his a-tier accessory, frederick is incredibly well-thought-out and it's clear that a lot of love has gone into his character. as both a fan of the game and a writer, i adore him.

the consistent themes between his skins certainly help, too. i hope they keep it up while also finding new ways to make him fucked up and evil, it's delightful.

i love you, frederick. never stop being your concerning, weird, obsessive self.

[pianostarinwonderland]

stuff in my head about what's happening

there is absolutely no end to the drama that is Twisted Wonderland :-)

"what's happening now" so basically everyone is disappointed with how Vil's SSR has absolutely no story. no personal, no appearance in the event. he's just there to be pretty. and give furniture.

and you Know it's bad Bad when not only the EN fans but the JP fans are talking about it. and by talking about it, i mean

personal story has trended

a big twst artist, twst_13, made a tweet expressing that they were pretty upset with the lack of story, and well.. that honestly ended up being their last straw in leaving the twst fandom. and due to their rep, it really spread throughout the fandom and uh yeah here we are

and rn a lot of people are doomposting. just your regular twst afternoon

so yeah it's been fun so far B)

in all seriousness, ik a lot of people aren't happy with this. if you're really discontented with what's going on so far, email twst. giving feedback is the best way for them to know what their audience wants, and they do listen to their fans if enough people send them concerns. you can send through this link. i think it would be great to email them in Japanese, but if you really can't, wellll let's hope some people there understand English <3

anyway there's a cut because i currently have talk too much disease and have Opinions on this so i want to make it an easier scroll for people encountering this post.

hi welcome to under the cut, where you will find the real reason why i'm making this post: to not Shut Up about what's going on.

personally my thoughts on this are mixed. on one hand, I really don't mind some cards just getting furniture instead of stories because (1) guest room feature nice for me, but I also understand that those who aren't immersed in it would be more frustrated; (2) more importantly is the thought that with less stories to write about, the writing team would actually, idk, have more breaks. the main focus would be delivering a Good main story chapter, and they put event stories on a halt for a bit.

on the other hand, this Is an event SSR, so it feels weird. club cards are acceptable because at least it's new New art and kinda accepted already that it's not gonna get personals. the main story cards, like cerberus Ortho and upcoming general Lilia SSR, are acceptable because they are already accompanied by main story. some tsumsted cards like the SRs and Rs are acceptable too because the event story itself already accompanies them. but an event SSR of an event being reran. it's a bit disappointing.

but at the same time, i've also gone through the time that twst was slow in pacing. and it was really hard. that was the first wave of exodus, and it's still the biggest one to this day. so it's like, if guest room furniture can let them keep updating the game so that it doesn't go too quiet, then I'd really much rather have what we're having now over slow pacing.

and diasomnia has been in the waiting room for wayyyy too long. a lot of fans, EN and JP alike, have been frustrated with how long they had to wait for diasomnia content. and ik twst listens to complaints especially from their JP audience. so it's good that now they're shifting priorities to dia story and ensuring that fans aren't dying too fast. and ngl after how long pome and igni felt (emphasis on felt because pome actually wasn't that long in hindsight, it just felt long after how we went from frequent octa and scarabia to two-month halloween), it's good that main story is getting updated at a good pace.

most importantly, i really just hope that the writers have more room to breathe. making a lot of personal stories, as well as revising, editing, and getting approval would be understandably difficult. in the end, we really don't know the situation in the hq, so whatever is happening there, i hope that the teams and devs aren't burning out

at the same time though, i also don't want event SSRs like upcoming Silk Vil not having personals to become a norm. a big part of what makes twst enjoyable is their story and their characters. and much of what we know of the characters is found in the personal stories. but see, this is where sending in a concern is important!! because we want this game to be as best as it can, and simply complaining about it will cause an echo chamber of doompostings with no substantial effort being put into actually doing something about it. i'm probably gonna see if i could send a concern to them about it because yeah, I want to see twst doing better.

[violettduchess]

My favorite writer taking requests! I have to ask for Carlo and kiss 8 - dying to see what you come up with!

A/N: Here you go, anon! This took some time but I hope you enjoy it! 💜

Carlo x f! Reader

Word Count: 3106

Today:

How did I get here?

You stare at yourself in the floor-length mirror, taking in the fitted, shimmering green skirt that is supposed to represent a mermaid’s tale, the filmy pale pink and yellow of the material wrapped around your midsection and chest. Your bare shoulders and upper arms have been dusted with pearlescent white powder, your hair held out of your face by small hair pins in the shape of seashells. You look every inch the siren, foreign and mystical and not at all like yourself. 

Behind you, you hear footsteps across the wooden platform, soft muttering in the language of Benitoite and you turn to see Carlo, Prince Silvio’s aide, followed by the twittering costume designer as he approaches to get a look at himself in the mirror. Gone is the solemn man in the plain clothing that skirted the border of being shabby but saved itself through quality of material. His ebony curls have been freshly washed and brushed away from his angular face, his dark blue eyes, the color of the sea at midnight, lined with black kohl. His usual fitted shirt has been replaced by a swashbuckler’s billowy tunic, wide open to reveal a surprising amount of well-muscled chest. Carlo used to work down at the docks before Prince Silvio found him, recognized the flame of intelligence that burned in those dark eyes and plucked him out of one life stained with hardship and into another one of research and service. Fitted black trousers hug shockingly well-formed legs, the calves of which are also covered by knee-high black leather boots. A sword hangs loosely about his hips, drawing far more attention to that area than it should.

He looks up from fussing with the scabbard, seeing you and he stops walking, nearly causing the costume designer to crash into him. With a few chirps she flits from here to there, making minute adjustments now that he is finally standing still, not noticing the way your gazes have locked with one another, the way his throat works as he swallows, trying to fight the sudden dryness. You have stolen his capacity to breathe, to think. How, how will he ever even remember his lines when he has to see you.....looking like that?

You turn away, hand pressed against the thunder of your heartbeat.

How did I get here? 

Yesterday:

In your role as Rhodolite diplomat, King Leon has sent you to many places. You had proven yourself during your time as Belle and he valued your judgment in many matters. He had been especially impressed with the way you had won over his brothers, each and every one of them coming to, if not exactly like you, at the very least respect you. There was no one else he would have been happier to see take on a representative role, your intelligence and kindness and charm qualities befitting an exemplary ambassador. 

You had chosen the gift for the Benitoite royals with care: a first-edition copy of a play by one of Rhodolite’s most famous writers, a tragic love story between a sailor and a mermaid who fell madly in love with one another but whose families were locked in a centuries-long feud that would ultimately lead the sailor to drown in the arms of his lover rather than be apart from her. Leon had chosen this gift as the story is set in what is now Benitoite and hoped it would please the royals.

And it had. Perhaps too much. Silvio, mercurial as he is, had decided he wanted to not just read the play, but actually watch it be performed. When he had been informed that the national thespian troupe was on tour, traveling throughout the Ruby kingdom, he had turned those sharp ocean eyes onto you.

“I’m sure the ambassador is willin’ ta do just about anythin’ to please us. Ain’t that right?”

Alarm bells began tinkling in the back of your mind but you found yourself sitting up straighter at the table, head tilting to one side as you regarded the haughty prince. A smile, much calmer than you felt, touched your lips.

“Of course Prince Silvio.”

He leaned back in his plush chair, necklaces jangling softly as he crossed his arms. Something about the expression on his face made those alarm bells begin chiming even louder.

“Then I say you do it. You can be the mermaid princess and uh....” His gaze scanned the room and landed on the man standing by the doorway, half in a shadow, quietly reading from a small, black leather-bound book. “Carlo!” The man looked up, startled. 

“Yes, your Highness?”

Silvio smiled broadly. “You will play the lovestruck sailor.” He nodded once, pleased with himself. “Arrange for costumes, music, and all that shit. I wanna see the play tomorrow.”

Carlo blinked as he looked around the room, his expression one of bewilderment. The leap from whatever he had been reading to his new reality seemed to have clogged the mechanisms of his brain as he comprehended what had just happened.

“Go on.” Silvio waved a jangly hand carelessly in your direction. “Go meet your lover.”

His gaze jumped from Silvio to you and the question he was asking himself was written plain as day on his face:

How did I get here?

Several hours later you found yourself in the library, which normally would have thrilled you to no end. Except instead of foraging for new literary treasures, you stared at the gift you had brought like it was to blame, while Carlo stared at you, looking a bit like an owl that had been awoken far too early from its slumber and wasn’t quite sure if it was night or day.

Silence filled the room, snaking its way around bookshelves and wrapping you both up in its tendrils, leaving you awkwardly stiff and unable to form words. You had introduced yourselves, fumbling over each other’s sentences, words clumsily knocking into each other, and then you had placed the book on the desk with a loud thump. 

Since then, there was  no sound.

Finally you cleared your throat. “Staring at it isn’t going to help us. It seems Prince Silvio really is expecting us to….perform this.”

Your voice cut the strings that the room’s silence had been holding him hostage with and he sank into the chair across from you, a frown on his surprisingly handsome face.

“I would try and speak to him but I fear if he knew how much neither of us wanted to do this, he would dig his heels in even more and perhaps invite outsiders to witness our….production.”

You found yourself regarding him a moment as he ran a hand through his dark curls. “You really know him well.” Silvio Ricci was not a man that let people close to him. Clearly Carlo was one of the exceptions.

A smile, ephemeral as quicksilver, touched his lips. “Si. He is truly….exceptional in many ways.”

You sensed how there was more underlying his words, an entire iceberg under that small sentiment that poked out from the ocean of his experience with Silvio. But now was not the time….you tore your gaze away from him, clearing your throat as you placed your hands on either side of the book.

“I can edit this…write out the lines of the most important scenes. That way we don’t have to worry about the entire play.”

He nodded, encouraged by your brilliant idea. “Excellent thinking, Signora.”

You glanced at him. “You can use my name.” You added a warm smile, lifting one shoulder with a shrug. “After all, we’re going to be scene partners, aren’t we?”

You didn’t expect the flustered way he ran a hand through his dark curls, a faint dusting of warmth falling across his slanted cheekbones. 

“If…if you insist.” 

Tilting your head, you searched for and caught his gaze, your warm smile still in place. “I do.”

He nodded, rising from his seat to walk over to a desk across the room, kneeling to open a drawer. That smile was fogging his brain and he needed a moment away from its radiant light. You weren’t aware of the effect you were having on him. You were suddenly far more aware of the broad expanse of his shoulders as he crouched, rifling through that drawer and the narrow taper of his waist as he rose back up to full height. Quickly you forced your attention back to the play, opening up to the list of characters, blinking against the swift barrel roll your blood was doing inside your veins. A moment later, Carlo returned, setting several sheets of blank paper and a fountain pen of marbled blue and silver next to you. 

“You can write out our lines here?”

“Yes, perfect. Thank you.” And you got to work, forcing yourself to focus on the familiar play rather than the man who was smiling so openly it made you literally ache to touch his cheek, close to that smile.

Another hour had passed. Outside the sky was readying itself for the night, painting itself in the most striking orange and pink. You were writing madly, lost in your work as you read over the famous play, picking out the most important scenes and transcribing key lines that would keep the story intact but trim away any extras. Carlo peeked over the top of his notebook, his mind distracted from nautical calculations and oceanography notes by…..you. You, lost in the play, mouthing certain lines as you copied them out diligently. And in beautiful handwriting, no less. Especially when compared to his own chicken scratch. You, so focused, trimming the play like a master butcher, carving out the heart of the story from within the many words. He understands that kind of concentration, that singular mindset as you navigate work like a skiff on the water. That was what he told himself anyway, that he was interested in watching you work and not in the way the evening light, spilling in through the library windows, blanketed you in its softness, catching highlights in your hair, the rose of your lips, the brightness of your eyes.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, only that the sound of the fountain pen dropping to the wooden table startled him, his dark sapphire eyes blinking rapidly as he brought his gaze quickly back down to the notebook he had been happy to ignore. 

“There.” 

You slumped back in your chair, shaking out your hand, a grin on your lips. You actually did it and the pride in your accomplishment hung on the curve of your smile. Standing just as suddenly as you let the pen fall, you shoved back your chair and walked around the table to set yourself down next to Carlo. “Let me show you.”

His notebook disappeared into his pocket and he leaned in to where you began explaining the play and the scenes you chose. You spoke quickly, excitedly, as if making up for all the previous silence.

“This scene is where they meet, the handsome, adventurous sailor and the innocent mermaid…..” You went on to explain their instant connection, the fascination they have with one another. But their relationship is dangerous, forbidden by their differences, and when the sailor tries to tell the mermaid they shouldn’t see each other anymore, she responds with a desperate kiss, one of the most romantic, most famous kisses in any drama throughout the lands. 

When you got to this part, he noticed the way you paused, lifting your gaze to meet his and suddenly you were both imagining the same thing: kissing the other person. 

Your gaze dropped to his lips, tracing their shape. He has such a beautiful mouth….He found himself wondering if your lips would feel as soft as they looked. The moment stretched out, the only sounds in the room the knocking of your heart against your breastbone, the audible inhale and shaky exhale of Carlo’s breath.

And then the doors to the library swung open, scattering the moment like sand in a violent breeze.

“There ya are. I’ve been lookin’ all over for you.” Silvio sauntered in, shaking his head, golden earrings swinging with the movement. “You’re still my aide, ya know, Carlo. I ain’t got all night to wait while you two practice your little show.” He stopped walking, taking in the blush spreading across your cheeks and the way Carlo had immediately shoved his chair away from yours. Blue eyes snapped from you to him like taunt sails in the wind and then a slow, wicked smile claimed the prince’s handsome face.

“Looks like I'm interrupted somethin’.”

You sprang to your feet, dipping into a quick curtsy. 

“Prince Silvio. We were just going over the edits to the play I made.”

Silvio cocked his head, moonlight-colored hair falling to one side as he continued to grin. “Yeah I saw.” He paused, considering his next words. “Well I hate to break up ya’ little rehearsal or whatever but I need my man here.”

Carlo nodded, brushing down the front of his shirt. “Of course, your Highness.” He turned to you, not meeting your gaze as he pointed to the papers on the table. “May I borrow these in preparation for tomorrow?”

“Of course,” you answered, the words coming out a touch too fast, stumbling on each other’s heels. “I remember which lines I transcribed. I can study them from the original.”

Amusement has Silvio’s eyes gleaming like coins in the sunlight. The sardonic curve of his mouth told you both how much he was looking forward to whatever happened tomorrow. He turned on his heel, jewelry jangling and snapped his fingers as he strode out of the library, but whether the motion was a signal for Carlo to hurry up or simply a sign of his glee at the situation he had forced you into was unclear.

Carlo started after him, holding the papers you painstakingly wrote carefully to his chest. Suddenly he stopped mid-step, turning to look your way one last time. Your eyes locked and then he gave you a quick bow.

“Until tomorrow.” He glanced up quickly, and then in a softer tone, added your name to the thought. The sound of it coming from his lips, rounded by that accent, sent a flare of warmth from your stomach up through your face. Every nerve in your body felt incandescent and alive. You managed to incline your head in return, hoping he didn’t notice the flush you knew was rolling across your skin.

When the library door closed behind him, you found your legs too shaky to support your weight and you sank back down into the wooden chair, drawing in several deep breaths. 

How did I get here, you wondered, hand pressed against your midsection as if calming the tornado of butterflies that had taken residence within.

And what am I going to do?

Today:

Carlo is a marvel. Never would you have expected the quiet, seemingly shy attendant to step out from behind the red velvet curtains and become the witty, bold sailor who enchants the mermaid princess. He strides across the stage, a new man, shoulders wide as if challenging the world to even try and burden them. Sometimes, as he delivers his lines, you recognize shades of Silvio in the lilt of his voice, the swagger in his movements. Carlo mirrors the Benitoite prince as he brazenly proclaims his love for you, swearing to fight the seven seas themselves if it means he is allowed to be yours. He makes it easy, so very easy, to slip into your role as the lovestruck siren, completely taken by this man, wondering if she could risk everything to be with him.

You’ve arrived at the turning point of the play, the moment when the mermaid princess has had enough of denying her feelings and makes the decision to follow her heart. How does she do this? By interrupting a passionate rant, grabbing handfuls of his shirt and yanking him towards her, stopping the flow of words with a kiss.

Carlo is pacing, his lines flying from his lips, memorized with the same perfection he uses to calculate wind rates and ship speeds. His hands, glinting with golden rings under the bright stage lighting, are as active as his mouth, punctuating his words with gestures, emphasizing his embattled state of being in love and never wanting to wonder what could have been.

And then it feels like a dream, like you really are swimming underwater as you cross the stage to where he is standing, roughly gathering the soft white cloth of his tunic in both hands. You pull him to you, leaning up to press your lips against his.

The ocean roars in your ears the moment they touch. The stage, the gathered audience of royals and nobles, the cavernous ballroom where the performance is taking place, the dazzling stage lights. All of it is swept away, like the sea raking its fingernails over the shore and pulling sand along with it. All you know now is the shape of his mouth as it fits against yours, the feel of his arms as they wrap around you and pull you tightly against the safeguard of his body. It is both electrifyingly new and astonishingly familiar, as if your body already knows something your mind doesn't. His lips part and he seeks entrance to your mouth, brazen as the wind when it plucks at a ship’s sails, snapping them to and fro. There is no resistance. You yield, softening in his arms, relinquishing your hold on his shirt to run your hands down his sides, around his body, palms pressing possessively against the small of his back. You are sinking, down, down, into the taste of his mouth, the heat of his embrace. Still waters run not only deep but hot, full of unexpected fervor and heart-stirring excitement. 

You have no idea how long you kissed, the time it takes a wave to caress the shore once, twice, fifty times. What you do know is when you finally break apart, the audience is motionless, breathless, hanging on the edge of their seats, and in Carlo’s midnight gaze you see truth, burning like the fire of a thousand stars.

In the front row, arms loosely crossed, Silvio Ricci smiles slowly. Knowingly. His instincts had been right and he practically glows with the satisfaction of it all. Benitoite will likely be seeing much more of the Rhodolite ambassador. Che bello.

Tagging: @aquagirl1978 @alixennial @alexxavicry @queengiuliettafirstlady @rhodolitesrose @ikemen-writer @bellerose-arcana @thewitchofbooks @redheadkittys @dear-mrs-otome @firestar-otomeobsessed @curious-skybunny @kpop-and-otome @writingwhimsey @mxrmaid-poet @silver-dahlia @wendolrea @otomefoxystar @nightfoxqueen @myonlyjknight @queen-dahlia @aceuuuuu @scorchieart @bubblexly

[theladyragnell]

☕ DnD!

I love D&D! I love playing pretend with my friends but having to fill out forms and involve randomization to add some structure and legitimacy! That sounds sarcastic, but I do mean it genuinely. It has been a mainstay and a joy in my life to have a weekly game for the last ... 8 years? Something like that?

It's also for sure not as universal a system as it wants to sell itself as being, from 5e onwards. D&D is a specific kind of game, where the mechanics reward combat over social encounters or puzzles (and which thus doesn't necessarily encourage players to think over the ethics of a combat), and where the assumed setting and genre is a sort of generic 80s Tolkien-style-while-not-being-Tolkien that has sure left some Cultural Artifacts in the game, starting with use of the word "race" to describe elves vs. dragonborn vs. humans etc. (I think that is being changed in the newest edition? But I can't remember for sure.)

Now that I'm DMing, I'm hacking in lots of bits of other things and changing the rules where they suit me, and pulling in a ton of homebrew. I ran a whole adventure on a modified Blades in the Dark/5e hybrid because D&D simply isn't built to do heists, it would just be investigation checks or persuasion/deception checks until that got boring, which wouldn't take too long. We've gone whole levels without engaging in combat.

I think D&D is a very fun game, and one thing it does do well is support the telling of long-term stories, I think a lot of TTRPGs don't quite have the meat on them to tell a story that could unfold across years, but I also think that taking the rules more as guidelines is a smart idea that would make more people's games much happier! Homebrewing is hard to balance with the mechanics as designed, and I have made my players' characters absolutely broken monsters as a result and have had to way beef up their opponents, but you know what? We're all having fun, and that's better for me than sticking to the rules.

[neojayink]

Splatoon Neo’s hero story updates:

Light spoilers for DLC SIDE ORDER below. (Speaking of the general story)

Brief story time of bts hero shenanigans.

I’ve recently finalized a few facets of how I’d want the story to play out for sneo. The story has been under a few revisions over the years but in the last six months I think I’ve landed on something quite cool. Took my time thinking of ideas for my story so that Splatoon 3 could run its course and so that I wouldn’t have any overlap with cannon to the point I’m telling their story twice. And after finishing the dlc I’m now going back to the drawing board on some details.

Not sure if I’ve ever specified how the world of sneo compares to the cannon world but the universe of sneo (the neoverse I like to call it nowadays) is like an alternate timeline in a new dimension. So both sneo and cannon exist at the same times. Even tho sneo is slightly more futuristic, time works differently in the neoverse and the entire first story takes place and ends just moments before Octo expansion and beyond as of right now. This may all be kind of complicated to drop so suddenly but I do plan to explain all the cool bits when I get to covering the story. This worlds version of alterna logs are called “think pieces,” small cards that hold the knowledge of everything that happens around the neoverse.

I’d like to take this opportunity to go over a few of Splatoon neo’s scrapped storylines. Starting off with the one most closest to the current Splatoon cannon story.

1: “Homecoming”

“In this version of sneo story 1 the hero will come across databanks that detail the specifics of the universe they reside in. A world created by a long gone scientist that hoped to store souls inside a super computer called the “LOTUS” so that one day when the earth heals itself after the incoming devastation humans can return with a fresh slate to try life again without destroying the planet. The Lotus will be tasked with monitoring the planet for the next spiritually awakened intelligent life form to rise and humanity will live on again.

Someone in the real world (cannon) finds out about this device and hacks their way into it to use the power contained for their own nefarious acts. They promise a group of Octolings a better life and a do-over if they fight for his cause. The Octolings were easily on board as their leader was power hungry and would do anything to claim more turf. Little did they know that they would be an army fighting against their own best interests. At the end the Octoling army would be helping destroy their original world to make space for the return of humanity. This entity would use this group of Octolings to start trouble that leads to another global extinction of intelligent life. This biomass would then be modified by the Lotus and edited to reassemble human dna from scratch. “

This iteration of the story looks similar to alterna when it comes to humanities last ditch effort to survive. This story had too much back and forth between realities so the newer story will be much more simple and contained. Think of the lotus as a super computer that can simulate realities. It’s also based on fusing nature and technology. The lotus is so powerful that it can spawn constructs from within itself to the outside world if it has all the necessary matter. The greater villain would’ve used this technology to create an octoling anomaly that would go on to destroy the earth and collect back human dna from inklings / Octolings. Another similarly to tartar using agent 3 as a host body to go about their plans. There was also a huge focus on dna and GMO. Genetically modified Octolings would be a threat of Octolings that turn themselves into “super soldiers” for their cost. (Kinda like how color pallets work in side order)

A digital world and humans returning. It hit both marks but this inspired me for the better to create something more focused and not trying to explain “what should come next for a Splatoon 3.” Honestly shocked how I could’ve guessed the cannon story but back then I tried to make my story more of a “Splatoon 3” before Splatoon 3 existed. But overall I’m just glad to see the devs explore ideas I’ve once wished for. Really like a dream come true and s3 has my second favorite story mode of them all after Octo ex. (Close ties between all 5 don’t judge)

2: “Out of order”

“The neoverse inkopolis was overrun by chaos so bad that there had to be crack downs on turf wars. An octoling army gladly took the job of enforcing rules and curfews to please city officials. They were hypocritical and broke the same rules they enforced but higher ups didn’t seem to care. The hero fellow neighborhood watch gear up to figure out what’s going on in this city. They end up finding back to back scars of corporate greed. The city is so nice and clean because all of its trash goes underground into less fortunate habitats.

The hero finds out that the leader of the octoling army was bribing higher ups so that they could slowly take over the city without force. This octoling leader was universally feared and didn’t need to use brain washing to get their way. But they needed saving too. As fearsome as she is, she wasn’t immune from fearsome control themself.”

This version of the story played into fear vs respect heavily. We’d see the villain scare the city into submission while she figures out how she will save it from the entity that is above her. She’s like a trojan horse to the world and she hides in the deep sea, away from civilization in case she fails her mission and is turned into a weapon of destruction. As harsh as she may seem, she’s only following orders to keep whatever peace there is left to be had.

A lot of aspects of this version will return. Took me months to create a backstory of the new villain but she will probably get a post just like this one explaining all her scrapped stories and evolution. I really can’t wait to introduce her.

To not bore yall too much we will end things here for now. Now that splat 3 is pretty much complete with story for now I’m feeling a lot more confident telling the story I’m crafting now. Can’t lie, telling the same story as the cannon was a big fear of mine so I just stalled until things came out.

Splatoon neo is still alive. Unfortunately nowadays I find myself just sketching away and making complete works a lot less as you can tell. Hope this was a cool update for dlc time. As the storyline gets confirmed for sure I will try to make more text posts about it even if there’s no drawing to come with. I do plan on covering hero mode with a lot of drawings and possible 3d work if the artblock gods will let me. Could even be a comic covering it all.

Also decided to share this last thing. Splatoon neo will have more than one story once the first once is finished. It will probably take over the name “cross contamination” from that one sketch and be a direct sequel. It’s only been thought of for about a month so far so it’s still to early to spill details but heres some concepts of the new species I will introduce called “exolings” for now and a mystery inkling who shows up. They’re very “alien”-like in nature.