#also the rope? i guess i never dra rope

[dadbastiandisaster]

Oh shit it’s finally done

This is fanart for the incredible, amazing, heart-warming-and-wrenching (it has range) Coattails by @pain-in-the-butler which you can read here. It’s one of the best fanfics I’ve read ever, every chapter is an absolute delight, all the characters are so in-character and also so well and interestingly utilised, and if you haven’t read it you absolutely should. It will recover the years of your life that the season 2 rewatch everyone was doing at one point took off you.

So, I am a horse girl, I love horses, and I actually don’t mind drawing them, so obviously I had to do fanart of Ciel with the Irish and Avalon in chapter 23. The horses are truly one of the highlights of this fic: Ciel’s interactions with them are so sweet, and Sebastian’s are usually quite amusing.

Also this did take me literally forever because I took up cross-stitch and then life kept happening and also I struggled with horse shading for some reason

[i-cant-stop-fandoming-help]

RAISING HAND!!! SORRY IF IM BUTTING IN!!

Okay, so;

From my understanding, Mikako does not remember Kokoro, nor the experiments. So crossing that off of reasons she could be clingy.

The only guess I have is fear of being alone. I have this idea, due to the fact that it is never confirmed if Mikako remembers her birth father, Sojiro.(not to be confused with Kojiro Otori.)

If my memory serves correctly, Hanzo found Mikako floating in a river, which makes me think that Sojiro suffered a death from drowning. (I think this would also make Mikako afraid of water for a while.) If she remembers her birth father, but didn't know he died until a few years after adoption, i think it could lead to a case of autophobia.

As well as that, I don't know if it's ever said what age Mikako was when adopted. If she was around 5-6, she may not understand what death is, and if not carefully explained to her, she may think her father just up and abandoned her, since he never was coming back.

I dont think this would be the case, though, as the sdra2 ch6 trial art shows her lookimg about a similar age as she did in the kisaragi family photo.(or perhaps a year older in the photo)

I am rambling, so this is probably all over the place, but i dont have any other ideas on what could cause any autophobia, nor what could cause her to be clingy.

It doesn't feel in-character for her to be so clingy, either. (Or as emotional as we see her in that one crying sprite.)

The only thing i have against yamato being portrayed as an angel is one single scene from chapter 6's flashback sequence. (Will be relying on the zephirum translation for these screenshots)

Its not the full scene since im not allowed to add any more images, but it does end up eith mikako slapping him(deserved).

This was the only scene where he's shown to not be oh-so angelic, i believe.

Moving on from my rambles, i do think both characters were done dirty. If Yamato came in by chapter 3, perhaps itd be better that he had so much involvement. And I feel like Mikako should've had more involvement as well, as she's shown to be at least semi-observant. (Pointing out the incorrect tying of the rope in chapter one, and being able to keep track of what people are doing in chapter 4.)

I also think certain things shouldve been delved further into. I'm curious about Mikako being able to handle her hunger so well in dra chapter 4, as the only other person who seems to be handling it well is Rei.(i have an idea of why Rei could handle it.)

I also want to know how Yamato figured things out about Akane and Utsuro, when someone like Rei couldn't. It seems stupid, i guess.

Overall, i think linuj did mess up here and there with them. (i despise ch0 mikako with all my being.) (And i think yamato shouldve had more involvement.)(AND I THINK IT SHOULDVE BEEN SHOWN THAT THEY ARE SIBLINGS AND I THINK LINUJ IS WEIRD FOR WHAT HE SAID IN MIKAKOS CHARACTER SHEET)

I do like that Mikako canonically slaps peoplr when angry (shown twice in chapter 6. Earlier mentioned scene, and mikako slapping yuki about 15 times in the choice scene)

I gotta get back to watching ayame's FTEs and trying to ignore yuki being yuki. Please pardon any spelling errors, i type too fast for my own good.

This was originally a reblog to some other post but the topic was so far off from it that fuck it, I'm giving its own post for this rant because if there's one thing i really don't like about Dra is how Mikako was written/the role she was given in relation to Kisaragi.

Just take look at this excerpt from her character sheet (credits to Toastcat333 on Reddit for the translation)

Like i hate to be that person here but why does the guy that showed up for a single chapter and died almost immediately gets to come back from the dead to have his big moment in the finale of the game while the girl that had been there the whole time just dies without ever reaching the point of her character where we get the payoff for what had been set there through the storyline.

Why was she denied the big moment we had been waiting for the whole game to serve as set up this other character who just showed up, and that quite frankly, it's not nearly as interesting as Mikako herself.

And I get so pissed reading her sheet and seing Linuj go "Oh it's a shame i couldn't give her a bigger role" my guy you absolutely could??

Mikako only dies because of Linuj's insistence in killing her off because if she hadn't dropped dead in the post trial for some barely explained reason (like,, what actually killed her? Was it the memory storage device? The chip on her brain going haywire? Something Monokuma himself put there?) She wouldn't have died at all because her execution stops before the karts explode. Trully a slap in the face of anyone who became even remotely invested on her character.

My god, just let Yamato die! He's the Mukuro Ikusaba of this game anyway, or just have them both come back at the 6th trial! Just please don't reduce her entire participation in the story to a tool for his role that's just so shitty.

[wordsfromthesol]

Replacement (1/2)

Author: @wordsfromthesol​ Pairing: Tim Drake x Reader Warnings: Language, violence Word Count: 2.2k Requested: @beebosclique​ A/N: Thanks for the request because I’ve been on a real Tim Drake kick lately. Which is probably why this story is so long (not sorry). Also (not) sorry for reusing superhero names in my stories…I’ve only come up with like 2 that I like. Also also, thanks for the love 💛💛

Part Two

You had no real memories of your life at the circus, you were only three years old when Bruce Wayne took you in. He and Dick were the only family you knew, well until Jason came into the picture. Jason, unlike Dick, realized that you could take care of yourself. In fact, Jason often sparred with you and secretly taught you as Bruce and Dick taught him. When he died you begged to take over the Robin mantle. You knew there needed to be one, Bruce would go too far, you were even worried Dick would go to far. Tim becoming Robin was the final punch in the gut you needed. They would never allow you to be in the family business, no matter how prepared for it you were. The day Tim passed the gauntlet was the same day you finished your costume. That day Eclipse was born and she quickly made a name for herself, all while avoiding Tim Drake, both at home and in the field.

Jason returned and the Robin mantle got passed once again. You didn’t even ask for it this time. Your silence is what led Jason to discovering your secret identity. You had to admit, it was nice to finally have someone to talk to about it, someone to patch you up if you ever got too injured.

**

“Y/N/N, I don’t get why you won’t just tell them.”

“Because Dick would murder me. He wouldn’t let me be Robin, you think he would be okay with me going out there solo?”

“Yeah, but it would make my life way easier, especially when you need your shoulder reset.” Jason shook his head and mumbled, “can’t believe you waited until morning to come to me.”

“You know if you tell him, he’ll kill you.”

“Hm, well I’ve tried that. Didn’t like it too much, so I guess I’m stuck.”

You nodded at Jason, bracing yourself for the pain. “Shit…” you mumbled as you felt the joint jolt back into place.

“You do remember that I’m your older brother too, right? I don’t like you going out by yourself either.”

“Yes and I have you on speed dial every time I’m out there.” You sighed, trying to give him some reassurance. “Plus…if my vitals drop below a certain point, my suit automatically sends a message straight to Dick and Bruce explaining everything. I can’t override it.”

“Still doesn’t make me feel great, especially since you probably have the settings set to when you’re dead.” You just stuck your tongue out in response. “So I didn’t hear Tim or Damian on that list…”

“Well, I barely know the demon brat. It’s been like a year since he stumbled into our lives, plus he’s a child.”

“Fair enough. You know you can’t blame Tim.”

“I’m not…blaming.”

Jason threw his hands up in defense, “If you say so.” Jason peripheral vision caught Tim’s figure and a smirk grew on his face. “Hey Timbers!” He shouted as you whipped around, hoping Jason was just joking. He wasn’t. “Y/N here could use a sparring partner. Someone to teach her the ropes.” You looked back at Jason, an angry glare in your eyes.

“She…uh…she wants me to teach her…?”

“Well I would love to Timbo, but I promised…uh…Dick that I would help him out.” Tim eyebrow’s shot up, clearly not believing his brother’s lies, before he turned towards you looking for clarification.

“That would be great Tim.” You gritted through your teeth, trying not to sound sarcastic. “Let me just go change.” You shot daggers back at Jason before scampering off. Tim waited until you faded from view before speaking again.

“You know she hates me, right Jay?”

“She doesn’t hate you. She hates what you took from her.”

“I didn’t take anything of hers.” Jason looked at his brother, solemnly.

“Tim. This…” Jason gestured around him, “has been her whole life. Don’t you think she wanted to be Robin? To prove that she belonged in this family.” Jason quickly dropped the serious demeanor. He was never very good at it anyways. “I think once she sees the real you, not the Robin you. She’ll come around replacement!” Jason’s eye caught you in the doorway. He jogged up next to you, “Remember to see past Robin.” He winked at you before leaving the two of you alone.

“Well that was weird.” Tim commented, gesturing you towards him.

“Eh. Jay only pretends not to care about family.” You brushed off the comment as you took your stance.

**

Hours went by, and your shoulder was well beyond it’s limit…something Tim noticed and used to pin you down one final time.

“Alright, I think you’re done.” He clamored as he held out a hand to help you up. A hand which you denied. “What did you do to your shoulder anyways? Need me to look at it?”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” You swatted his hand away.

“Y/N/N!” You heard Dick’s voice in the distance.

“Don’t tell him anything.” You mumbled to Tim, before turning to greet your brother. “Dickie! Tim was just showing me some new moves.”

Dick stopped at your side, “Tim…you let Tim teach you?” Even Dick was in disbelief. You just shrugged, not offering a response. “Well I was looking for you to let you know I took the night off! I don’t have to leave after dinner.”

“Ohh…” You stammered, “I…uh…I have plans. With Ellen. Mo…movies.”

“Awe, can’t you cancel? I need time with my little sister.”

“I…I so would. But she’s going through this tough time. Her, uh, her boyfriend just broke up with her and…I just I need to be there.”

“Fine,” Dick whined out. “But we’re still on for the diner, right?”

“Of course. Wouldn’t miss it.” You pressed a kiss to Dick’s cheek before running out of the room. You were never good at lying to your brother and thankfully, due to his nightly activities, you rarely had to. Grabbing your phone, you quickly sent Ellen a text, just in case Dick decided to fact check you. Only it wasn’t Dick you needed to worry about. Dick would never believe that his baby sister was lying to him, Tim on the other hand witnessed the entire train wreck.

“I got a case to work on…” Tim gestured towards the computer before leaving Dick standing in the training room alone. Tim went back and forth in his mind, but ultimately decided he would check your phone just in case you were in trouble. That’s when he saw the text message. The one you just sent to Ellen.

Hey girl, used you as a lie to Dick. If he asks we are going to the movies and you just broke up with your boyfriend.

Man you really didn’t want to hang out with your brother tonight.

Yeah, well I already had plans and didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!

That doesn’t say much…

😜😜

**

You were finally able to ditch your brother and were posted on a rooftop, just outside a supposed new drug den.

“What are we looking at?” The sudden voice made you jump. You quickly regained composure, striking a defensive stance. “Relax…” Red Robin came out of the shadows, “I only want to help.”

You huffed at the sight but attempted to contain your discontent, “You don’t normally patrol tonight.”

“Just wanted to keep the criminals on their toes.”

“I’m sure they’re shaking in their boots…to answer your question, I think it’s a new drug den. Followed someone here a few days ago.”

“Well, why aren’t we moving on it?”

“I’m waiting for someone.”

“And that would be…?”

“Someone who still has a choice. If you’re staying, I’m on channel 3.” You commented before dropping into the alley below. Red Robin moved to follow but stopped once he heard your voice come through his comm. “Stay there. We move when I say.” He looked down watching you corner someone.

“Jake.” You calmly called out towards the man. He spun around, realizing he was now stuck in the alley. “What are you doing here?”

“I just…I need money. My baby girl…I don’t have a choice.”

“You always have a choice. I’m about to give you another one.”

“I can’t –” You cut him off.

“I’m not asking for anything regarding those idiots.” You gestured towards the drug den. “This is a choice for you. You can leave right now and trust that I’m going to help you. Or you can go in there and warn them that I’m coming. Maybe they’ll overpower me and maybe you’ll be rewarded for the tip. But think about the life that that leads to. You’re better than that life.”

“How…how would you know that?”

“Because I saw the desperation in your eyes a few nights ago. Then I did some digging. That was your first deal.”

“My daughter.”

“I always thought I never had a choice. I was groomed for this life and then it was held just beyond my reach. I was stuck until I made a different path for myself. Now I try to give that opportunity to others. People who thought they had run out of options.”

Tim was stuck in a trance as he watched this Jake character run the opposite way of the drug den. Eclipse was you; you had just made that painfully obvious. Though he wondered if you intended that or if your mind was set on helping Jake.  Suddenly he was shaken from his mental state as your voice came over his comm yet again. “I’m going in the back door. Meet me there if you still want to help.”

You didn’t wait for his response, but noticed a shadowy figure following just above you. The two of you got to the door at the same time, Red Robin spoke first. “I’ll take left.” Tim wanted your sore shoulder exposed as little as possible.

**

“Your shoulder looks pretty bad…”

“It’ll be fine.” You tried to ignore the searing pain as the two of your waited for the police to come round up all the men.

“Do you want me to take a look?”

“No.”

“Do you at least want some high strength pain killers? I can bring some by –”

“Why are you insistent on helping?”

Red Robin shrugged, “Guess us vigilantes gotta stick together.”

“Right. I’m more of a solo gig kinda vigilante.” You saw a smirk graze his face as you heard the sirens approaching. “And that’s my queue.” You gestured towards the sound and bounded out the door. This is Tim. Tim Drake. He stole Robin from you. The words resonated through your head as you tried to forget tonight. It felt different. Or maybe Jason was right…

Once you got to your secret apartment, you showered and attempted a self-evaluation on your shoulder. You jumped upon hearing the sound of tapping against the glass. Shit. You raced into the bedroom, grabbing your discarded mask and throwing it on before sauntering into the living room.

“What do you want?” You questioned Red Robin’s presence as you opened the window.

“Thought you might want these.” He said, tossing you a bottle of pills. “Also, it would probably help if you wear this for a couple days.” Tim held out a sling.

“Yeah, can’t do that.”

“Hm. It’ll take twice as long to heal if you don’t.” He walked over, inspecting the bruising already forming on your shoulder. “This definitely didn’t happen tonight.”

“It was reset this morning.” You glanced at the time, 3:20am, “Well I guess yesterday morning. It’ll be fine.”

“Alright alright,” Tim held up his hands in defense before reaching into one of his pockets. “Well I know you’re a solo vigilante and all…but if you need me.” Tim placed a card and sling in your hand. Before you could respond he was out the window.

You decided it was probably best to wear the sling. Now all you needed was a lie for why you weren’t staying at the Manor.

**

It had only been a few hours before you woke up clouded in smoke. A fire raged around you. Maybe Tim wasn’t the only one who had followed you home. You shot up, immediately donning your mask and throwing your suit into a nearby duffel bag. Running around, you attempted to start collecting your equipment and paper trails as your phone dialed Jason. No answer. You then tried the comm in your mask, no answer. Shit. I’m going to have to call Tim.

“Eclipse?” The voice sounded groggy on the other end.

“Yeah so…I may be in some trouble.”

“Shit. Your apartment?”

“Yeah.” You jumped out of the way as the kitchen beam collapsed.

“What was that?!”

“Just…let me know when you’re here.”

You ignored his plea to stay on the line and focused on fastening everything to your body. This is going to hurt. You freed your arm from the sling and stepped onto the window ledge. Unfortunately, you were right. Tim was not the only person to follow you tonight, and this person wanted you dead. They were waiting for you to leap from that window. You didn’t even make it to the pavement before you heard the gun fire.

[missblissy]

My hazbin hotel oc

Hope I haven't talked about her before but here she is

Name: Oleandra (oh-lee-ann-dra) (human name: Elizabeth)

Nicknames: "puppy"-Angel Dust, "Lee"-Husk, "dear"-Alastor, "darling"-Alastor, "sweetheart"-Alastor, "Eliza"-Alastor

Gender: Female~she/her

Orientation: Bi-romantic Asexual

Age at death: 18

Year of death: 1693

Cause of death: Hung in the Salem Witch Trials

Personality: intelligent, stubborn at times, manipulative (mostly to people she doesn't know), calm most of the time

Likes: Alastor, Charlie, Angel Dust, Vaggie, Husk, television, coffee, spicy food, oleander flowers

Dislikes: large animals (specifically dogs), bright lights, rope

Backstory:

She was accused of being a witch because she's deaf and uses sign language. The people in her village thought that sign was how she cursed people (the village people are stupid ok). Before the trial, she became angry and poisoned people with Oleander flowers and killed them. Works at the Hazbin Hotel because Alastor recommended her. 

Trivia:

-Before she had made up her own sign language but quickly adapted to ASL

-She and Alastor have been friends for a long time. They have a pretty good partnership, helping each other out when they need it. They became friends rather quickly since Oleandra's not that interested in taking over territories and doesn't really care about Alastor conquering all the territories and rising to the top with power (as long as she's not harmed and can just chill *shrugs*)

-She was born deaf and cannot speak very well verbally but can read lips

-Out of everyone in the Hazbin Hotel, she's the oldest and likes to joke about how everyone is like a kid compared to her

-She has a fear of dogs because the witch hunters used dogs to hunt her down. Also is uneasy around ropes. She has a line around her neck to symbolize a noose and to remind her how she died

-When she was still a human the only person she loved and cared for was her mother. When her mother tried to protect her against the witch hunters they captured and hung her. After that Oleandra (or Elizabeth at the time) got her revenge by poisoning some of the people who killed her mother.

-She has dog ears and a tail because it's ironic

-Has been in Hell for a very long time. Most demons know not to mess with her, especially since Alastor has got her back

-Everyone that's at the hotel knows at least a bit of ASL. Not counting Oleandra, Alastor knows the most. Husk knows the least and only remembers to sign "lee" and uses a white erase board most of the time to talk to her cause he's lazy I guess

-Oleandra didn't expect that she'd become good friends with the princess of hell but Charlie and she get along well

-Alastor is the only one who knows her human name and occasionally will call her "Eliza"

-Angel Dust jokingly and calls her puppy because of her ears and tail

-Yes there are different signs for all of her nicknames, no I'm not going to explain them

-I'm fine if people want to ship her with Alastor or not. It's up to you guys what you want their relationship to be

-I'm not exactly sure what her job would be but I'd imagine she'd probably be a cook at the hotel

-She wishes she could listen to music but she can only feel vibrations from it if it's really loud

_____________________________________

OOOOO She’s so cute and elegant? I’m loving that she’s deaf and that her character revolves around that. I would have never of come up with something like that?? Assuming that she was a witch because she spoke sign language?? Omg! That’s so cool!! ((not that she has killed for it xD But ya know. Tragic backstories and whatnot)) She’s so cool though?? I’m crying this is so unique and clever <3

[zexxcandell]

Debt Collecting

(Reply to the quest provided by @eliceynbirch​ )

The Black Eyed Walrus was your typical seedy under the docks bar.  All manner of men, women,and who knows what made their way down here for the kind of quiet drink that made sure the constables wouldn’t look twice at it.  It was old, it was gross, it was unkempt, but it was the shadowy aesthetic that would be pirates craved and discovered they were not ready to be in.  Owned by Maggie, a one eyed crone who’s stories about her past life made men pale and ill treated women their hero, she’d come into possession of the dockside establishment via a strong bite and the early retirement of the previous owner.  Maggie was just Maggie, she didn’t have a last name that she was willing to share and by the muscle she hired to keep things in order no one pushed to ask about her personals.  Maggie was as much the bar as the bar was her. 

Despite how it looked, it held a huge part of Maggie’s heart and she’d be damned if anyone was going to ruin it.  The biggest source of pride of the crone’s was the large plate glass window she had purchased to look out onto the old dock outside and shadowy waters of the harbor.  It had cost quite a bit of gold and took some brave craftsmen to come down and install it for her.  She loved that window that she had painstakingly painted the visage of the bar’s namesake, a large walrus with a large black ring about it’s eye.  The literal personification of the woman in paint and time.  Maggie loved that window and her art as much if not more than the bar she never left.  

Sadly, a large figure was currently being launched through the window in a shower of glass and roar of a brawl within the bar.

Twenty minutes ago…

“An you are?”

“Zexx, Zexx Candell.”  A calloused and sea salt worn hand reached between the bottles of rum and liquor to grasp the other man’s hand firmly.

“Hoarse, Hoarse Darby,  pleasure tha Candell,” the sailor nodded genially as he broke the grip and lifted up his fresh bottle to his lips again followed by a hard pull of the alcohol.  Darby was young, dumb, and likely full of a troublesome substance but his thick corded arms and bald head did the trick to know him a tough bastard. He liked it that way. He also liked it when free drinks followed winning a few rounds of dice with a stranger.

“Likewise, mate, you took me for quite a ride there,” Zexx replied with a wide toothy grin.  If not for the thick salt and peppered beard, the laugh lines of the man would have been very clear.  But for all the smiles and laughs, his one blue eye was slightly red and carried a sadness that only comes from true loss.  “I swear I can roll better.”

“In mah experience that more ya drink tha better the dice seem ta follah,” Hoarse replied with his own grin on his reddened face, his nose showing easily a future of alcoholism as he toasted his cycloptic benefactor.

Zexx let out a bark of a laugh as he lifted his own bottle and took a short pull, a hard grimace following as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand.  “Shame yer friends, didn’t want to play any more.  Though probably better for me to lose to one of you than all of you.”

A few drunken nods joined an oily grin as Darby wiped his own mouth with his own palm.  “Aye, but thems lookin fer tail more’an drink an games.”

“And they plan to find it here?”

“Right?”  Darby laughed and leaned forward into the table, his head bowing forward as a soft jangle of metal could be heard as he guffawed.

“Oy there, what’s that then?”  Zexx asked as he tilted his head looking to his gaming partner.

“Eh?  Oh this thang, pretty lil bauble I picked up recent,” Darby nodded as he sat back up drunkenly and reached inside his shirt to produce the silver anchor talisman.

Peering across the table with a whistle, Zexx held out an expectant hand.  “Fine piece of jewelry there mate, mind if I take a closer look?”

A hard tug pulled the leather thong from around Darby’s thick neck as he swayed drunkenly across the table to lay it in Zexx’s hand who nodded softly as he lifted it to look at.  “Simple make, but damn fine.  Where ya happen upon it?”

Darby leaned back in his chair and kicked his bare feet up on the table, to wiggle his toes with a sigh as he rested the bottle on his belly.  “Tha thing?  Reason why ahm alrigh on tail myself.  Some ‘hore had it an I ask where she got it says somethin bout an uncle or something.”

Hoarse snorted as he shook his head while taking a swig.  “Yer uncle?  Ya righ ya filthy bitch.  So I confiscated it up righ.  Brough me hell o luck out on the blue.  An tonigh!”  

The sailor waved to the moderate pile of gold he’d picked up from his companions and the one eyed man across from him.  Zexx nodded softly as he held the pendant still in his palm, he’d never been much for arcane work but he knew enough to know this was more than a bauble.  This said sages all over.  

“Sounds like quite the girl,” Zexx murmured as he set the anchor between them.

Darby nodded with a laugh, “Oh yeah sweet as o bee hive, feisty as one too!”  The sailor leaned forward with a dark, drunken grin that held a lot more information about what happened between him and the girl than he was saying.  His free hand reached forward to pick up the bauble again.  “Ah tell ya, she had thighs tha dra-”

Darby’s words were cut short as a strong hand grabbed him by the wrist and pinned that hand to the table.  Shock sobered him up for a brief moment as he followed the hand up and into the face of a no longer smiling Zexx.  Shadows framed the one eyed man as he pinned Hoarse’s hand, as a dark anger radiated from the man.  Darby never even had a chance to shout as Zexx’s free hand grabbed him by the back of the head and slammed it swiftly into the old birch table with a crunch of a nose and snap of a jaw.  The same hand grabbed hold of the stunned sailor and lifted the head to smash again into the table for good measure, a spray of blood and teeth following this hard slam.  With a grunt Zexx pulled the head up and tossed the sailor back into his chair which amazingly kept standing as Darby flopped back loosely with a ruined face and blank stare.

Zexx peered behind his shoulder and around the immediate area for a moment, the chorus of the bar still a low din as this was not quite an uncommon occurrence around this place.  Spitting in the direction of the sailor, the swordsman would sweep up the bauble before swiftly moving to Darby’s side of the table.  Keeping a quick on the bar and for sight of Hoarse’s friends, a moan sounding behind him as the stun was starting to wear off on the man.  Turning about swiftly to plant his fist between the eyes of the sailor before ripping a bandana from around Darby’s neck and ‘knapsacking’ it for the coin on the table.

A final clink of coin and swift pull of the ends finished the ‘golden lunch’ Zexx had prepared with a snort and grim smile.  So far so good, Zexx though as he lifted the money and gave a final look to Darby.  A new soft moan given to signal just a bit of sadism on the hero-for-hire’s part, a swift jab delivered to the broken nose for good measure.  A wet smush and moan as Darby finally fell out of his chair with a clatter.

“Wha tha fuck?”  His blue eye widened as Zexx looked up from his unconscious quarry and turned to find Darby’s five mates who had been at the bar glaring at him.  Their hands were holding bottles, a couple of girls, and a lot of fists.

“Shit.”

Now...

Zexx coughed hard and spit, struggling up to his hands and knees from his prompt exit of the bar.  Rolling over onto his rear he sat a moment to catch his breath, tasting quite a bit of blood in his mouth again as he spit to the side again and stared back the way he came from the Walrus.  

Inside was a madhouse of fighting, blood, and a thundering shot followed as someone had finally drawn a pistol into the air to either find some order or put down a brawler.  Zexx guessed it the latter.

Breathing heavily and painfully, the swordsman would struggle to get up and scramble away down the dock his old boots thumping on the wooden dock.  His left hand squeezing tighter again about the anchor in his palm, happy for keeping it and the luck it was sending his way.  The loss of coin wasn’t in the plan but sometimes you gotta buy an exit.

Zexx stopped for a moment and leaned on one the dock posts as he tried to ease the ache in his ribs from breathing and even moving.  The big sailor had packed quite a punch or six and definitely finding his way through a window was not the most comfortable way to vacate the premises.  As his pain slowly eased thunder resounded the docks and the post he’d leaned on exploded in a shower of wood and muck causing him to stumble away in a panic.  Flipping about he’d easily find the bloody and angry culprits to be three of the five mates of Darby’s, one with a smoking pistol in hand.  The second man lifted his own pistol now to pull the trigger for the loud Kul Tiran salt shooter to blow past Zexx’s ear.  A quick check found the ear still there as he turned to run again, the loud thumps of feet and curses following him as he booked it past the moored ships.

As much as Zexx wanted to just run it was very obvious from his previous beating and wounds there was no way he would outrun them.  Fight or die was taking precedence over flight now as he rounded to down a dock, seeing a head of him quite a few rows bobbing in the black water.  Could he row?  A thunderous shot ringing about with a swish of a bullet was a clear indicator that he could definitely row.  Reaching one of the boats, his booted foot kicking the knot hard to loosen it before pulling it off the tie off, which followed the rope as a bullet tore it from the dock and sent it spinning into the water.

“Crap in a hat,” Zexx muttered as he readied to leap into the boat.  Thankfully he had some help in getting in the row as thick muscled arms grabbed him behind and tackled him forward into the boat below.  The swordsman made a perfect landing pad for her his pursuer as the boat dipped into the drink and sped away from the dock further out into the harbor.

There was some muffled threat and yell Zexx heard as he painfully breathed and tried to steady his rocking brain with the rowboat drifting too and fro.  More pain flooded his body as a punch struck him in the back and another in the kidney before he struggled to right himself away from the sailor.  A quick twist on his back and an elbow caught a defensive arm of the attacker and let Zexx follow with a roll to his back to face the sailor.

Darby’s mate was already clamoring up to his feet with a well experienced ease of fighting on the sea, his feet loosely planted as he let his body roll with the pitch of the waves.  Fists raised to taunt and egg Zexx on to stand, who replied with breathing heavily as he felt around behind him in the boat for purchase to get up.  Bloody and ragged breath flowed from the one eyed hero as he finally gripped onto something. 

“Get up ya bastard!  Get up ya fuck!  Ah’m gonna smah ever bone in ya!”  A short kick was sent into Zexx’s leg as he winced and struggled back onto the seat of the row boat.  Leaning forward a moment to catch his breath and Zexx made what might have been perceived to stand and fight.  Instead it was to level the short harpoon gun at the sailor who suddenly went white in the face before going red as the short fisherman’s spear went through his left eye and skull.

A familiar thump of dead meat rocked the rowboat again as the current took it further from the docks and into the harbor from the Walrus.  Zexx dropped the gun with a clatter of metal and fishing line before slumping back with an exhausted sigh.  His hand ached just as much as the rest of him as he lifted it up in front of his face to let the anchor uncoil before him, a new appreciation of the elements coming.  Behind that swaying talisman came a glint of something on the still form of the other man, a curious brow raising at what luck had befallen him now.

Two days later…

“Sorry again on the delay of retrieval, had to wait for Darby to arrive back in port before I could track him down.” Zexx spoke calmly in the office of Madame Kestavin sipping at a cup of herbal tea she’d been gracious enough to have for him.  Though he was a mass of bruises, bandages, and strong scent of herbal salves miraculously he was healing quite quickly and easily.  According to the medical staff he’d been seeing he was lucky to not be in traction for the rest of his life, but instead somehow a few days rest and medicine he’d be right as rain.  Lucky him.

“As for your girl’s items,” the anchor pendant was set gently down on the desk followed by another necklace of gold marked with a well sized ruby.  “I was able to retrieve the pendant but as for the gold it wasn’t in the cards.  Fortunately though, I was able to grab this and had it appraised before coming down here.  I think you’ll get roughly what you were owed for it but I’ll understand if you’d rather take it out of my reward.”

Zexx sipped at his tea again with a wry smile at the woman as he tried to cross his legs and winced loudly before putting his leg back down to sit easier.  

“Are you satisfied?”

[vagrantblvrd]

Given Michael’s love for the Ruiner 2000 I would love that  Knight Rider AU. (You know the one.)

Michael [Name Redacted] ~hardcore criminal who gets recruited into the Roosters new law enforcement agency program after shit goes spectacularly wrong for him one day and he walks into an ambush.

Gavin’s the main brain behind Michael’s new partner, and it turns out that he has an Arch Nemesis in the Vagabond. (This is discovered over the course of his ~adventures, because of course it is.)

Michael agrees to work with the agency because he figures they’re his best bet of figuring what the hell is going on with his life. Also, sweet car?

He gets a new identity to go with his new face. Rolls his eyes when he sees they game him possibly the best/worst last name in “Jones”, but hey. Whatever.

Goes around being a do-gooder for a bit. Meets up with the Mobile Operations Platform or MOP for short (lolololol) after missions to bicker with Gavin and give Matt a hard time and so on and so on. Bonds with the others working for the agency and reluctantly admits to himself it’s not so bad working with these assholes.

And Gavin, okay.

He’s this annoying little shit always with his questions about Michael and his partnership with the Ruiner (let’s just call it MOGAR, because it makes me laugh). Also, the utterly stupid, ridiculous hypothetical questions he comes up with and God, he cannot stand the guy. 

Really.

Except you know, for the time spent in the lab when MOGAR’s on the fritz after a rough mission, watching Gavin work. Arguing with this A.I. he helped develop. Catches him playing games when he can’t sleep, mind going a mile a minute and holy shit, he’s so fucking bad, better show him how it’s done, right?

Taking him for a spin in MOGAR when they’re testing out upgrades - new missiles/speed boosts. The fucking parachute, that kind of thing.

Gavin getting caught up in trouble every so often and Michael and MOGAR coming to the rescue. And that, of course,results in Michael trying to teach the idiot to defend himself? 

Montage scene of Michael teaching him how to throw a punch, how to shoot - all the things that require them being in each other’s personal space and the like. Empty shooting range at some Rooster base or a city they’re stopped in for a bit. 

Michael fighting it because he knows it’s a bad idea, but he’s gotten so damn fond of Gavin over time. May or may not have ~feelings for him, and vice versa but they’re both too dumb to do anything about it?

AND THEN.

They get word the Vagabond’s been seen again in Los Santos after going underground for a bit. He’s been gangs and crews apart and whatnot and they think he’s setting up to make his move, do something big, and Michael, okay.

It’s never sat right with him, the things they say he did. Less and less so the longer he spends working for the agency because how could he do what they say he did? 

But he must have, because it’s in the files they showed him that first time, the ones he convinced Gavin to help him find. Try to piece together a picture of the kind of man this Michael [Name Redacted] was through the old records and reports various law enforcement agencies have of him.

Gavin keeps looking though, because this is important to Michael and he has the feeling something’s wrong too, but he doesn’t say anything. Just does what he can to help Michael. 

The thing, though, is that if his records and files are a hard read, the Vagabond’s are worse.

Nothing redeeming to be found about the guy anywhere, but Michael can’t shake the feeling that’s wrong too. 

Call it a gut feeling, whatever, something isn’t right.

More ~adventures on their way to Los Santos, Michael getting more and more restless because everything feels wrong and he doesn’t know why.

Gets his memory back in bits and pieces, little flashes here and there that don’t make sense and just end up frustrating himself. Stupid useless brain, and then they get word something’s happening in Los Santos, where all of this started.

His superiors want him to take the Vagabond out before he succeeds at whatever he’s planning, and he can’t tell them no because on paper he’s an absolute monster.

Gavin and Matt and the others get all worried because Michael’s not acting like himself. (When Gavin says so, it’s all Michael can do not to laugh in his face because how the fuck would Gavin know that? Michael doesn’t even fucking know.)

There’s a fight, and Michael takes off for a drive in MOGAR while the MOP is stopped somewhere to refuel and take on supplies and whatnot.

When he gets back a day or two later the thing is on fire, and holy shit, what the fuck happened???

His superiors tell him it was the Vagabond and Michael is like, well all right then, guess this is it - and then Matt runs in. Tells him the Vagabond has Gavin because of course he does.

Michael doesn’t hear whatever else his superiors are saying after that, just looks at Matt who looks like shit. Has his arm in a sling and look, has his arm in a sling and exhausted because the attack on the MOP was not a gentle thing, people died and the Vagabond has Gavin and goddamn it.

So he sneaks out while his superiors are making plans - plans Michael already know won’t work, will get Gavin killed - and Matt stops him.

Does the thing where Michael and MOGAR are leaving the Rooster base and have to slam on the brakes because Matt’s the kind of idiot who’d stand in the middle of the road in their way. Didn’t consider for a moment Michael and MOGAR might not stop in time, so Michael gets out and starts to yell at Matt - 

“Holy shit, dude, that was close.”

Michael’s so fucking angry because Matt shouldn’t be here, should be back at the base not getting run over - 

And Matt is like, “So, Gavin didn’t have time to install them, but he came up with new upgrades for MOGAR. Also, he found some stuff you need to see?”

They go to a ~secret Rooster base where Matt and some of the techs from the agency install the upgrades and Michael goes over the files and whatnot Gavin found. 

Something that looks like a cover-up, like the cops in Los Santos are dirty. Did their best to make Michael the scapegoat for some horrendous crimes and he wants to believe it, but he doesn’t have the time for that now.

Tell Matt to keep the files somewhere safe, not to tell anyone about them and takes off to rescue Gavin and maybe get some answers. (Knows exactly which on is the top priority, easy decision in the and.)

And then he gets to Los Santos and MOGAR helps him track Gavin down and then there’s the ~tense confrontation between Michael and the Vagabond.

This little cat and mouse game in the warehouse Gavin’s being kept in (fuckin’ cliché bullshit). Just when they get to the ~dramatic showdown they hear something being knocked over and some British idiot going, “Shit.”

Both of them looking over to see Gavin trying to get his foot untangled from old rope or wires or something and doing a terrible job of it. Falling on his ass and muttering to himself because that’s just perfect, isn’t it?

Michael looking at the Vagabond because the guy just sighed, probably one of the few people who truly understand what a goddamned pain Gavin is. Probably should feel like that’s something they agree on, because Arch Nemesis? But, uh.

 Also Gavin, who finally notices he’s not alone and freezes. And then looks annoyed - with them.

Yanks his foot free and stomps over, gets up in their faces and they back up because he looks genuinely angry and that’s startlingly rare.

And then Gavin starts yelling at them, demanding to know what the hell they’re doing.

Michael and the Vagabond sharing this look because, uh, Arch Nemesis???

Gavin sighing like they’re the idiots.

Pokes the Vagabond in the chest, “Did you not read the files I sent you?”

Turns to Michael and flaps his hands, “And you! I told Matt to give you the files if something happened, don’t tell me - “

There’s this little tremor in his voice because, again, that attack on the MOP was not a gentle thing. It occurs to Michael he might not even know Matt survived, and oh,shit.

“Uh, yeah,no. He gave them to me. Kind of had other things on my mind, though? Like this asshole kidnapping you, maybe?”

The Vagabond snorting, arms crossed as he looks at Michael like he’s the idiot, and okay, goddammit. Michael is an idiot, but this time he doesn’t know why?

And then Gavin explains that he fond out someone has something very, very bad planned for Los Santos (the ~world, but Los Santos is a good start) and intends to place the blame on Michael and the Vagabond?

Started by framing them for all the crimes that are in their records and whatnot

He and Matt discovered the cover-up not too long ago, but the moment they did Gavin cut Matt out. Tried to keep him out of it, refused to tell him what he’d found because it’s ~dangerous. Someone needed to be there to take care of MOGAR and Michael if the baddies realized they were on to them, you know?

And he found a way to get into contact with the Vagabond (not all the the people working for the Roosters came from a law enforcement background, after all). Has been sending him all this information when the baddies realized what was going on and decided to put a stop to it, and hey. If they can pin the blame on the Vagabond, all the better right?

The Vagabond showing up when he found out and grabbing Gavin in the confusion when people were trying to kill him very, very dead. Running out to this safe house he’s been using and waiting for Michael to show up.

Michael just listening and being so confused because why? Why him? Why this weirdo in the stupid mask?

Gavin faltering, not meeting Michael’s eyes, not meeting the Vagabond’s. 

“Because we were partners,” the Vagabond says, looking at Michael. “And you said - “

He stops, anger leaking into his voice and says, “You said you’d stumbled onto something. The reason the cops were after us so fucking hard, said you knew what was going on. Said you got a call from a an old contact, and then you fucking died on me.”

~DRAMA~

Gavin and the Vagabond filling Michael in on what they’ve found - because they’ve been working together for who knows how long now. Trying to get to the bottom of things, and it’s super ridiculously bad action movie?

Like.

Michael and the Vagabond being partners for a while, but not the monsters the baddies are trying to make them out to be. Not the guy Michael’s been reading about for over a year now, this twisted fuck who’s done horrible things and laughed about them - because that’s a thing all the files and report agree on. 

This asshole delights in the chaos and destruction he caused. This laugh he’s heard that were recorded by news cameras or a bystander with a phone and no common sense. This laugh that’s made appearances in Michael’s nightmares. This thing that’s so close to the one that bursts out of him when he and MOGAR are perfectly in sync in the field, fucking up whatever stupid plan the baddie of the week has set up. When he fucks with Gavin or Matt or any of other Roosters.

And now he finds out that he’s not that fucked up asshole, that he never was. That the Vagabond isn’t the monster they told Michael he was, either.

Oh, they were never nice people, that’s for fucking sure, but they’re not depraved fuckers either.

The Vagabond staring at Michael as he talks, like he’s looking for his old partner in Michael’s new face. Trying to see if he’s still in there or if he’s someone else entirely, a stranger.

 And this is the thing neither Gavin or the Vagabond tell Michael because the Vagabond made Gavin fucking promise, or else. 

That whole partners thing? 

True in more than one sense of the word, but you know, no reason to rip that old wound open again, right? Not when Michael doesn’t know, doesn’t remember, and there are more important things to deal with. 

(Gavin wondering why everyone he knows is so stupid? Like Matt and that nice agent Jeremy at the one of the Roosters’ bases the MOP tends to stop off at, and now this? Also, ouch, his own little heart, but you know. Not like Michael is interested or anything, so...)

Michael agreeing to work with the Vagabond (and Gavin) to clear their names. Getting in touch with Matt and various sources and coming up with a plan of action and spending the downtime being awkward idiots together. 

Because you know, The Vagabond is still a notorious criminal, and Michael is law enforcement now. (Technically, although really he’s just not a raging douchebag when he stumbles on situations here and there or gets handed an assignment. Does the Right Thing even though it gets him yelled at most of the tie for his...unique way of resolving things?)

And Gavin is just acting like nothing’s strange about this at all?

Pushes the Vagabond around in the man’s own space like it’s nothing, like he wouldn’t kill him for it, and oh, God.

Michael having a heart attack every fucking time Gavin does it the first few days? Until he realizes the Vagabond’s actually amused by the little idiot. Is giving him shit and fucking with him for shits and giggles. That the guy seems to like Gavin, God help him. (Gavin hasn’t started in on his stupid questions, too busy trying to untangle this mess, but it’s only a matter of time.)

Michael and the Vagabond having those weirdly awkward moments together when Gavin’s working on/with MOGAR or sacked out after pulling an all nighter.

Michael trying to figure the guy out and vice versa because Michael wants to know the kind of guy he’s dealing with here since everything he was told is a lie. And Ryan, he’s doing the same because this isn’t the Michael he knew, and he has to remind himself of that too many fucking times because he is, where it matters, and it’s fucking hard remembering.

The two of them fighting and Gavin and MOGAR pointedly ignoring the pair of idiots being angry at each other for the wrong reasons.

More ~DRAMA~ until they start to get along, act like a team.

Michael taking the Vagabond out for a spin in MOGAR, Gavin screeching in the backseat because Michael drives like a maniac.

Eventually they get to the point where they’re ready to bring the baddies down, The Vagabond and Michael and Gavin and the people they trust to be on their side in this, and they go do the thing. 

Everything goes to shit immediately, but that’s okay because they planned for that? (Maybe not Gavin getting grabbed by the baddies, but you know.)

Car chases and explosions and things on fire - so many things on fire.

They get to the device or virus or whatever the baddie was going to use for his ~evil plan, and head baddie makes his escape using Gavin as a human shield.

Leave the Roosters to deal with rounding up the baddies hired muscle and handle clean-up while they do the Hero Thing. 

More car chases and explosions and things on fire - many more things on fire.

End up chasing head baddie through his company’s office building taking out cannon fodder hired muscle along the way. 

Keeping score for each one they drop - dead or incapacitated - and Michael wondering if this is what is like with them before. Anticipating each other and covering their weak spots without having to think about it, that kind of thing - 

And then they get to the baddie - on the roof of the office building with a waiting chopper because of course. 

Why break his terrible cliché streak now? 

Typical stand-off with Evil Villain Monologue. Michael and the Vagabond letting the baddie confess everything, otherwise how would they ever clear their names? 

Best to have it recorded and all, and Gavin watching Michael and the Vagabond for his cue because he’s not helpless. 

After they get what the need out of the baddie Gavin puts some of the training Michael gave him to use and  gets himself free and out of the line of fire.

There’s this pause where the baddie realizes he just lost his leverage, is facing two people he’s tried to kill at least once (came damn close with Michael). These very dangerous men he’s been framing for horrible crimes for a while now, and that’s probably not good, right?

Especially when he went after their friends, allies, too. Went after Gavin.

And the thing is, the Michael from before, the one the Vagabond knew, wouldn’t have hesitated to put a bullet in this fuckers head. (Not a nice person, after all.)

The baddie tries to use that against him, twisting the things Michael did. Telling him he’s gotten soft, working for the Roosters. Isn’t the killer he used to be.

Goes on and on and on, and Michael just stares at him, lowers his gun and listens to the idiot gloating when he goes to check on Gavin. Turns his back on this piece of shit. 

The baddie’s getting more and more agitated, spitting insults and threats because money talks, and he’s rich a million times over, a billion. He’ll be out on good behavior within a year. This is just a setback. They can’t stop him, he’ll be back for them, for that stupid pet scientist of theirs - 

The other thing is, the Vagabond from before, the one that Michael used to know, wouldn’t have hesitated to put a bullet in this fuckers head. (Not a nice person, after all.)

The difference between them, of course, is that the Ryan now is colder, sharper without Michael there to give him a reason not to be.

And this man, this pathetic little bastard took Michael from him, and is threatening to it all over again. To hurt Gavin, who he likes for some unknown reason, and Ryan?

He doesn’t hesitate to put a bullet in the bastard’s head now.

Doesn’t have to after the baddie snaps when they don’t react to his insults or threats. When he pulls a gun and starts to swing it around to bear on Michael and Gavin.

Just pulls the trigger and down he goes along with all the twisted little plots he carefully crafted.

Michael meeting his eyes, both of them knowing the bastard wasn’t going to leave here alive anyway. (Not nice people, because that comes back to bite you in the ass and you do what you have to in order to protect what’s yours.)

They call in the Roosters for additional clean-up and get the hell out of there. Go outside to find MOGAR waiting for them and start driving off into the sunset, as you do when these things are over - 

But then Gavin is like NO. Tells MOGAR to take them someplace for medical care because Michael and the Vagabond didn’t get through this mess unscathed. Are a little beaten up, a little shot, and so on and only idiots don’t get those kind of injuries seen to!

Michael and the Vagabond turning that right back around on Gavin who isn’t exactly a vision of beauty himself, what with getting knocked around to keep him in line and such.

Debriefing and all that fun stuff happens, the Roosters working with various law enforcement agencies to clear everything up.

Get Michael’s name cleared along with the Vagabond’s and their shady allies too. Get them pardoned of their crimes for saving Los Santos/~the world.

Michael not sure what to do now because a lot of shit happened, and he’s not the monster he thought he was, but he’s not this ~hero the Roosters tried to turn him into. 

The Vagabond intending to vanish somewhere, but Gavin is very much intentionally stalling him with Matt’s help. (That whole whole mess of Michael and the Vagabond, and without any ~peril on the horizon maybe they can do something about that. Gavin’s seen the way Michael keeps looking at the Vagabond, and vice versa and it would be nice if they did something about it???)

Also, there’s talk of the Vagabond being an asset the Roosters would love to have on their side, if he can be convinced to sign up, so...

Gavin making himself scarce because it’s easier all around that way. Buries himself in his work, tweaking MOGAR’s systems and the like. Asking his opinions on new weapons and such.

Doesn’t expect Michael and the Vagabond to corner him one night, ask him why he’s been avoiding them.

“The fuck, Gavin?”

And Gavin, all right. He’s tired and worn down and maybe not quite healed up from the whole saving the world thing. Maybe gives himself away, gestures at Michael and the Vagabond who are working towards something. He’s honestly glad for them, but he’s got work to do so if they could leave him to it, that would be lovely.

“Holy shit, you’re an idiot.”

“What he said.”

Gavin looking at them all confused because they’re not wrong, but an explanation would be nice and all?

And then the awkward confession and leaving it up to Gavin if he’d be interested in two emotionally stunted criminals - 

“You’ve been pardoned - “

“Not the point, asshole.”

- and if he is, maybe stop by their quarter later to watch movies with them. 

“Netflix and Chill?”

“Shut the fuck up, asshole. Bring bevs if you decide to show, and not the cheap stuff.”

========

Gavin totally does show up, and he totally brings the cheap stuff.

Michael recovers his memory a little at a time. Has moments where he struggled to reconcile his past with his present, but he manages. Has Ryan and Gavin and MOGAR. The rest of the Roosters.

Ryan may or may not tinker a bit with MOGAR’s weapons systems, poke at the A.I. Gavin and Matt are developing for future agents. May or may not help Michael out on missions. Absolutely terrifies new agents and science staff, makes friends with that nice agent Jeremy.

Matt may or may not make a move at an office party at some point, may or may not make Michael and Ryan a few hundred dollars richer thanks to the betting pool. 

[mybumpbirthandbeyond]

The Catalyst - Part 1

The Catalyst - Part 1

I posted an update a couple of months ago regarding my contact with patient relations and my contact with Grainne Donnelly. I’m going to go into detail about what has happened since. This might be a long one because it’s taken me a couple of months to write, but bear with me.

 Grainne set up a Skype consult with me and not only that but has offered to use me as a case study for an upcoming conference she has in Glasgow for physios. She is based between Belfast and Dublin, but unfortunately too far from either for me to link in with a work visit. This means she won’t physically put hands on me until the conference. In the first consult, she got me to stand and show her my abdomen and also cough. She was pleased with how it looked physically when I did this, and also said it was clear I had good definition in my obliques (I wasn’t lying when I said I was reasonably fit!!). She thought it sounded like we could increase the load in my rehab and try to see how much I actually dome when I do the exercises. The problem with my current programme was, the exercises are not functional, not normal exercises that you would do day to day. Functionality is massively important for me – I want to go back to a gym and do classes etc as normal. Maybe not to the extent it overrides the aesthetics (I still look pregnant and I shouldn’t), but not far off. She said she wanted to introduce me to Antony Lo aka the Physio Detective – the same person who is co-host of the Women’s Health Podcast, and the person who interviewed Grainne. He’s based in Australia and highly regarded in the field. He does work all over the world and I would be extremely lucky to have someone like him in my corner.

I was a bit gob smacked but quickly realised something – I’m a rare case. There are not many women (none that I know personally) who have as extreme a diastasis as I do. I’m sure Grainne and Antony have seen worse, but I’m still an extreme case. I guess that makes me incredibly unlucky. From that bad luck, I have to see it as positive that these world class experts are willing to get involved and give me their opinion.

We arranged a call with Antony who was in the US at the time. A Saturday evening Alex was roped in to help film and what I hadn’t realised was, he was also to be the hands. We asked my mother in law to come upstairs and film while Alex did as directed. Antony was calling from the car park of a Texas BBQ Joint – it was like something out of a country song!! He was so lovely and very easy-going and funny. He made the whole thing a lot more comfortable for me. You can imagine how weird it was my mother in law videoing for his benefit, me on a mat on the floor and my very under-qualified husband poking around my stomach!! I think his background in professional sport, and qualifications in things like strength and conditioning, definitely helped him describe what he was feeling and recognise what he was looking for. I was an old hand as well at being examined, so I could more or less anticipate what was meant to happen.

Antony asked me for my story and my why. At the end, he asked me – what if I told you, we could get you back to full functionality, but the gap might not close and your stomach might not go back to normal? That made me speechless – I had never thought that was even possible. But in truth, I want to look normal more than anything. This isn’t weight loss; this is a condition which I’ve had no control over and could do nothing about. If someone told you there were options to get that fixed, you’d take them, wouldn’t you? I admitted the aesthetics are just as important as functionality for me – it’s so noticeable and is the first people look at. Imagine having strangers look at you and immediately glance at your stomach, but you’re not pregnant? The glances people think you don’t see but the reality is you know it’s coming before you take your jacket off, so you either wear bigger clothes (partly out of necessity), or you wear stuff that fits, but is fitted and you decide you don’t give a shit that day. That’s my life currently.

The first thing I didn’t even think of – Antony questioned why I got to the floor the way I did and how long have I been doing that. I get down on my side and roll over. I explained probably since I was pregnant, and I’d be conditioned to watch what I was doing when lying down or getting up off my back. He told me I needed to start moving more naturally – the gap might close, but what use will my abdominals be if they can’t function how they were meant to? It was really eye-opening but made perfect sense. He told me there was no reason as to why I shouldn’t be just doing it, without thinking. Truth be told, I was quite relieved – I’m constantly thinking about breathing, engaging, how I move, what I’m doing, my pelvic floor – it’s overwhelming at times!

When I say I was put through my paces, I was doing things I was terrified of doing since having my diastasis that would have been natural for me previously. Crunches with a double leg lift, full press-ups and planks. I imagined the looks on the faces of my physio and Pilates Instructor and laughed – they would have also been terrified and absolutely in shock! The result of really pushing me, was that Antony was able to say when I engage my muscles perform much better. The common thing is for the gap to actually get wider when engaging on the breath, whereas thankfully, mine doesn’t. What everyone thought was doming in my stomach (where the muscles protrude in a dome/cone shape – can be very bad although I’ve learned a little doming is fine!) is actually just excess tissue – my muscles themselves don’t actually dome when I do the majority of exercises. Which basically means I’m free to ramp up and progress my rehab! I also have excellent control, so there are no concerns with advancing the work that I’m doing. Finally, the catalyst for progress!

It was a lengthy call that I was so lucky to have. My consult will be one of many publicised in order to raise awareness of DRA in Antony’s #DRAProject. Something I very much welcome and I am completely on board with!! That leads me very neatly on to my ultrasound the following week.

My ultrasound took place the week after the consult with Antony. The Consultant made it clear ultrasound was definitely not the clearest way to detect a hernia and if surgery was considered, I would need to get a CT or MRI scan for a clearer picture. He couldn’t detect a hernia, but it doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t one there. The gap at rest ended up being a bit of a bombshell. Do you remember my physio measuring it at around 7.5 fingers at the start of my rehab? The actual measurement is 8.5cm. That’s 8.5cm AFTER 5 MONTHS OF PHYSIO! The chances are, it was probably closer to 9 or 10 when I started. I just couldn’t comprehend that, and I think that was the catalyst for me to change my viewpoint – surgery is the only option now. If I really want to look and feel normal – or at least, as normal as possible after having children – there is no way that gap will close no matter how much rehab I have. Regardless, the tummy may remain the same and I can’t have that.

I despair at the lack of awareness of this. There is a separation in EVERY pregnancy in the third trimester – it’s natural that as your baby grows space has to be made. That’s why there are videos and images on the internet as to how a woman’s organs move as the baby gets bigger. The difference is, the degree of separation. Mine is massive, but yours may only be 1 or 2 fingers and may mend itself without you even knowing. You’re lucky if that’s the case!

What is more concerning than anything, are those who work with pregnant women and women in the postpartum period day in, and day out who have no clue. Yes, I mean midwives. Anyone who has read my blogs knows I have nothing but the utmost of respect and admiration for midwives. Especially (the majority of) the ones who I met.

I have met my Community midwife more since having Cailean, than I saw her at our routine appointments. I always speak to her when I see her. This time I met her at the hospital on my way to my ultrasound. She asked if I was going to physio, but I told her I had an ultrasound for my diastasis. No word of a lie when I say she asked – ‘what do they think has caused that?’ I missed a beat I was so astounded but recovered to say ‘pregnancy.’ She said, ‘yeah it’s difficult to know when you’re pregnant what’s going on.’ I made a mental note I would bring this up to my physio when I next saw her. When I told her, she gave me an incredulous look that told me she was astounded as much as I was. That’s what you’re up against I said.

I think it’s important to cover what happened next with Patient Relations in a separate blog – there’s plenty to update on and want to make sure everything is covered. Part 2 coming soon!