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gossip-girl-of-middleearth · 3 years ago

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Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.

I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general

How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?

Hello, friend!! ☀️

Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3

Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!

It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)

Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)

My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.

Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)

I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)

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Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.

(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)

In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.

Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.

When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc

I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.

Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.

Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.

Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.

Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”

I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.

It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).

My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”

I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.

Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)

I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)

Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).

Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.

I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.

The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.

Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha

One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.

So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:

Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.

Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.

Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️

There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!

Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.

Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!

So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.

Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:

It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.

Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3

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When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.

I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️

Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!

#ahh yes #Newsies my beloved <3 #and bless my family Gandalf #I’m gonna send him a gift next year from the small country town I’m moving to for his birthday as a thanks #also I’m torn between naming the golden retriever ‘Jaskier/Dandelion’ or ‘Glorfindel/Glorfy’ now #so happy that’ll soon be my only dilemma in life <33

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leia-imogen · 3 years ago

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aaron & the family he's found all by himself; vol. 2 // vol. 1

( ft. short jokes, a belated birthday shopping trip, & an ultra-chaotic winter break )

( for @criswisstuff & anyone who enjoyed the first one <3 )

savannah, who is 5'9, is constantly teasing aaron and cleo for being short. katelyn's good at 5'6, and also a bit impossible to tease bcs she's the actual best, so she gets to escape this

cleo ( 5'2 ) is perfectly delighted to have someone shorter than her for once in her life, even by only 2 inches

aaron: guys, just try and see this from my point of view

sav: [ collapses ]

katelyn: [ crouches down ]

cleo: [ sits cross-legged on floor ]

aaron: dude you're literally 2 inches taller than me

cleo: 2 and a quarter

sav is so smug about this but in a good-natured way, in that she and cleo call aaron "kid" or "kiddo" or "pipsqueak" and he doesn't mind bcs they always say it w such a huge smile and he likes to respond to sav with "how's the weather up there, tall-ass?"

and katelyn thinks it's ridiculously adorable how tiny aaron is and obviously she uses him as an armrest all the time

katelyn, petting aaron's hair: guys guys omg he's like an angsty mini blond kitten and i would kill for him <3

sav, popping up between them: mini-yard :))

before i get super distracted, i just wanna mention that aaron met sav and cleo towards the end of november, so they missed the twin's birthday

but sav still insists that she must take him shopping bcs sure his fashion sense is fine but there's always room for improvement, isn't there, aaron??

he relents, so long as she and cleo and katelyn ( who already gave him a birthday present?? why's she doing this??? ) don't spend too much money

sav drags him all around south carolina to the best thrift stores she can find and cleo and katelyn are amazed that she can get such fantastic deals on the supermodel clothes she wears

fr she's literally a fashion design major ( + minoring in business management ) and she shows up to class in skilfully done drugstore makeup and an absolutely killer outfit for like 15 bucks

she grew up poor, and she's still poor now, even if she ( thankfully ) managed to scrape a cheerleading scholarship

sav, flicking through a rack of dresses labelled $4 apiece: RIP to little miss rich bitch reynolds but i'm different ;)

no hate to allison she's awesome but she grew up in the lap of luxury surrounded by designer brands so she knows NOTHING about thrifting and rationing money in general

oh and sav and allison have kind of a frenemies thing going on bcs they're both fighting for the top spot of their fashion design course

they spend the whole day shopping and aaron ends up with a highly upgraded wardrobe that contains a lot of cute pastel stuff and sav's promise to do his makeup

aaron insists on paying for dinner at the really nice pizza place a short drive from campus even tho they all protest

and andrew knows he's found new friends, but has no idea that it's the vixens and he's dating one of them. nicky does tho, but he's sworn to secrecy

nicky thinks his new clothes are adorable and is stunned when aaron tells him the total cost

"oh my GOD that girl sounds like a genius."

"yeah, her name's sav. you guys,, would get along, i think."

okay now for the winter break part!!

i think that you can get permission to stay at dorms if you're an international student or something??

anyways since sav's super upset bcs her father straight-up told her not to come home bcs he has a new girlfriend ( god i hate sav's father )

katelyn would stay with her, but her dad can finally have her home in new york for christmas and she really doesn't want to miss it

cleo, the only one with a properly functional family, is going back to her big family house and loving parents and grandma and aunt and siblings and cousins. love that for her.

so aaron and sav are stuck at psu for 2 weeks and aaron's surprisingly cool with this. and sav's excited bcs for the first time since her mom died, she can spend her christmas with someone she actually wants around instead of her shitty-ass father and his constant stream of bitchy girlfriends

they spend a lot of time together, stealing food from the athlete's dining hall to make their own weird combos, which usually ends with aaron making something Cool and Interesting and sav gagging and spitting out whatever strange concoction she had previously insisted would taste good

i literally can't bring myself to give a shit about the twinyards' deal bcs andrew literally became best friends with renee?? and hooks up with guys at eden’s??? idk what's going on there but it's like andrew is trying to control aaron's life while he can do whatever he wants??? and honestly wtf????

also let me just make it clear that i ADORE andrew so so much he's one of my favourite comfort characters ever but i'm not gonna make excuses for his shitty behaviour. i fully believe he heals and puts away his pride to apologise to aaron, nicky, and kevin for his treatment of them

that's definitely not to say that aaron's internalised homophobia isn't eww, but with so many important people in his life gay, he makes a huge effort to get over it

so andrew just thinks that aaron is spending a lot of time in the library or out with nicky or something

and when aaron tells sav about this deal, she's kinda horrified, but it's pretty clear to her that aaron so desperately wants to fix his relationship with his brother, and she's not in any place to discourage him, is she?

the only thing she can do is hope that he won't come out all the worse for it

and stare at the boy curled up on the other end of the pale pink sofa cleo's parents had gotten, wonder just how much shit he'd been put through, and decide she was going to be his best friend

aaron's face has gone entirely impassive. sav nudges his fluffy-socked foot with her own, then reaches out to smooth the crease between his eyebrows. "careful, you'll wrinkle your pretty little face."

aaron is very caught off guard by this, and very promptly flushes bright red, which contrasts with the pale teal hoodie he stole from katelyn

"okay, enough talk about depressing crap. wanna go make christmas cookies now?"

"yeah."

so they make christmas cookies. well, it was supposed to be christmas cookies, but it turns into double chocolate fudge cookies somewhere along the line. neither of them knows how

them baking together is the definition of chaos. they're still blasting songs, and sav is singing along terribly

"yOu'Re A mEaN oNe, Mr. GrInCh," while poking aaron's cheek as he tries to mix something. he throws a handful of flour at her. "yOu ReAlLy ArE A hEel."

anyways obviously sav retaliates and that ends in a flour fight. it only stops when aaron deadass cracks an egg on sav's head and she smears chocolate into his hair

she also tries to make him sing along to baby, it's cold outside

"i'Ve GoT tO Go `wAAyyy~" she holds a spatula up to his face

"go away."

they video call katelyn, who takes one look at the mess in the cramped dorm kitchen and sighs so loudly and dramatically that her dad pops in and asks if everything's okay

aaron freezes up at the sight of him and sav quickly turns off the camera, bcs they both want to make good impressions on him, and being covered in various cookie ingredients just won't cut it, ya know?

the cookies turn out delicious and sav sends all their group chat various photos of the process, most of which consist of selfies with her making goofy faces while aaron is simultaneously baking and flipping off the camera

plus a several videos of sav enthusiastically dancing and mouthing the lyrics of, as follows, all i want for christmas is you, let it snow, and santa claus is coming to town and aggressively pointing a spatula at aaron

"c'mon aari, just sing! please??? please???? please you can do it i believe in you!!"

finally he just. gives up. "okay, you know what? fine, i'll sing to ONE and then you will STOP bothering me you insolent dumbass."

sav beams. santa baby starts playing. aaron is very clearly going through five stages of grief in 0.5 seconds

"go on," sav says sweetly as she slides in next to a pouting aaron, "i'll sing with you."

sav slings an arm around his shoulder and sways with him, so it's just her doing that and him grumpily mumbling the lyrics

and when the cookies are cooling down, they start cleaning the kitchen up. aaron rubs some spilled egg yolk into sav's hair but it goes pretty okay otherwise, since they're just listening to more christmas songs and chatting about light stuff, like aaron's biochem course, sav's fashion course, and their dumb classmates

aaron mostly listens tho, and learns that sav kind of hates allison reynolds for giving up her inheritance when she would do ANYTHING for even the tiniest fraction of that money

but she still thinks allison's gorgeous bcs c'mon

and that sav's dream is to one day open her own boutique!!

aaron spends most of the actual christmas day with the monsters at eden's bcs nicky and andrew wanted to

he spent a lot of the time texting on their group chat

doessavvyisgay: so u just go to a nightclub every week??

unaliveme: i mean yeah, i literally worked here for a while. we needed money and nicky was already working 2 jobs night and day

actualblessing: babe ur backstory is so tragic

unaliveme: i'm a fox for a reason ig

cleo.magda: Yes but-

doessavvyisgay renamed this conversation "aaron miniyard support group"

unaliveme: oh ffs

unaliveme: sav subject change go

doessavvyisgay: i'm at the clothes store what should i get?

actualblessing: something pretty :)

doessavvyisgay: sorry, i can't buy the cashier

cleo.magda: Wow.

doessavvyisgay: I DID GET HER NUMBER THO

unaliveme: lmaooo what's her name?

doessavvyisgay: uh

unaliveme: savannah istg u don't even know her name??

actualblessing: s a v

actualblessing: damn u really do be turning on the Charm tho

actualblessing: respect i didn't even talk to aaron till i asked him for notes bcs he has rly pretty notes and also a rly pretty face

actualblessing: and even then i was like :0

unaliveme: IT WAS CUTE I PROMISE

doessavvyisgay: u 2 = the only valid heterosexual couple

actualblessing: rt

unaliveme: oh shit i'm getting super drunk

cleo.magda: Aaron, you drink? That's not legal, get out of there right now. Kids these days-

unaliveme: cleo u have literally seen me get drunk af,, the first time we met,,, and anyways this is how my family bonds ✌🏻

doessavvyisgay: that's. so damn weird kiddo but go off ig

actualblessing: no go find better things to bond about other than alcohol and weird sweaty dancing

cleo.magda: Yeah, go watch some Christmas movies!

unaliveme: nicky makes us watch die hard every year

doessavvyisgay: see u in hell, kiddo ;)

cleo.magda: I meant things like The Polar Express and Home Alone.

actualblessing: merry christmas ya filthy animals!!

doessavvyisgay: merry xmas y'all i'm gonna go to that christmas party bcs i'm super bored

unaliveme: merry christmas mothers and fuckers

cleo.magda: Merry Christmas, you guys!

#aaron & the family he's found all by himself #okay this was most aaron and sav centric #but i love them so.#aftg headcanons #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #aaron minyard headcanons #the vixens #aaron minyard #andrew minyard #twinyards #nicky hemmick #katelyn aftg #katelyn finley #sav jameson #cleo magdalene

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spookypotato · 4 years ago

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Hey! It's the 20th of January! Perfect time for me to finally post my secret santa fic I might have forgotten about right? Absolutely. So here it goes :)

This was and is still for megss (@charginger)

I also wrote her a poem and I thought I would include it :)

Your Secret Santa, it is I,

so okay, I would really lie,

if I were to tell you I would have guessed,

that you would be a bit more impressed.

Anyway this is the big reveal,

the time for my identity to unseal,

Hey, I'm Veronika, I hope you like what I made,

may it help the christmas cheer to not fade!

I had two assistants, I shall not forget,

@ninak803 and @marauderss-hp only because of them it's finally set.

there might be mistakes, at least so I worry,

my english isnt perfect, I am sorry.

Merry Christmas! you wonderful snowflake,

now read to find out what Sirius might bake!

cw: food

Hope's favourite cookies

"Hurry, Remus.", Sirius was running around in the kitchen, trying to find ingredients for their christmas cookies.

"I am, I am, although I dont think this is exacly an important task, right now."

"Remus, mon loup", he stilled for a short moment and placed a kiss on Remus' nose, "This will be my first christmas with your family. It needs to be perfect. They need to like me.", he stated, like it was obvious and began looking over the recipe, mumbling to himself.

"I'm pretty sure, you're like their favourite non-related person in the world-", realizing Sirius wasn't even listening and carefully pouring the exact amount of flour in the bowl they needed, Remus trailed off.

Walking over to his - way to stressed for this occasion - boyfriend and wrapping his arms around Sirius' waist, he told him, looking over his shoulder at the dough he'd made so far, "Baby. Please relax, alright? They already love you and it will be perfect."

When Sirius turned around in his arms Remus could see the doubt and stress on his boyfriend's face as two lines formed on his forehead. Going up to his toes, he kissed them away, like he had wanted to do for years. "Besides", Remus grabbed a bit of the dough and put it into his mouth, "not serving my mom's favourite cookies is definitely not on the bad-boyfriend-list."

Sirius finally looked a bit more relaxed. Then he suddenly narrowed his eyes at Remus, "There isn't actually a list, right?"

"'course there is", Remus answered and watched the fear as it seeped into the face in front of him. "I'm kidding, baby.", he gasped out after he couldnt hold his laughter back any longer, "Don't worry, okay? They love you and nothing will change that. Now put this dough in the fridge, there are more important things to do!"

They parked in front of the Dumais' house. Remus looked at the time displayed in Sirius car. "We're late. May be because of your obsessive need to achieve perfection, but at least we're finally done with everything right?", Remus leaned over and gave his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek.

Sirius smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, sorry. I'm just nervous, you know?"

"I promise you, the evening with our familys will be perfect. Now stop worrying, we're late.", with that Remus got out of the car leaving his boyfriend to shake out of his daze and follow.

Their arms piled with presents, they made their way to the front door, Remus using his foot to ring the doorbell, as if it was an everyday task.

The door opened with a "Bonjour!". Sirius could'nt see the other man, but recognized Pascal's voice behind the big present he was holding.

"Hey Dumo. How are you?", he heard Remus say as they walked into the living room, toeing of their shoes to not get the clean floors dirty.

"Good. Finally relaxed now that the presents are all done.", he added the last part as he moved closer to the couple, almost whispering.

It was that moment they all heard loud footsteps on the ceiling. Children running around to the direction of the staircase.

"Shit. Um-", Sirius almost threw the present into Dumos' arms, the gears in his head visibly clicking into place to find a solution for their poor time management, "Okay, Remus! Can you get the rest? I'll distract the kids."

Remus looked amused as he saw Sirius determination to not ruin the children's christmas with the shocking discovery that santa was in fact just their parents.

So he obediently got all the presents from the trunk of Sirius' car and brought them into the basement, so Pascal and Celeste could place them underneath the tree in the night.

Sirius having chased Marc up the stairs, could be heard as he probably tickled him mercilessly, if the shrieks and laughs from both boys were anything to go off of.

As his boyfriends was probably just waiting for some kind of sign from Remus, that he had stored the boxes away, he went up the stairs aswell, just catching Marc running off to his room, having escaped Sirius grasp. Sirius made a move to follow him, but stopped as he saw Remus.

"All set up?", he asked, putting his arms around Remus waist.

"Yes. Stored securely away from curious children's eyes. They probably know about Santa already, you know?", he leaned against his boyfriends chest.

Putting his chin on top of Remus head he replied, "Yeah, I know. I just don't want to risk it. I dont want to ruin their view of christmas."

"What about Santa?", came a small voice from their right. They hadn't noticed Katie's door opening. "Did you hear something from him?"

She looked a bit tired, but somehow also full of excitement for the evening and probably even more for tomorrow morning.

"Non, mon petit chat. But, usually that's a good sign.", he let go of Remus to lean down to her, "It just means that he's busy making and flying out presents. And that nothing went wrong, so let's hope we only hear from him tomorrow morning, eh?"

"Oh. Yeah, then I hope so too.", there was a short pause, but then the seven-year-old's energy came back. "Ooh, Sirius! Can you help me choose a dress for dinner?" She was jumping with excitement and how could anyone say no to that face.

He kissed Remus and smiled at him, before following Katie into her room.

"So, I have a green one, a pink one and a blue one. Which one should I wear?"

Sirius knowing she would look adorable in all of them actually couldn't decide. Her whole evening could depend on this choice. Okay, maybe he was being dramatic, but he wanted to choose a good one. Then he noticed her glancing over to the green one, again and again. So he told her that, he liked that one the best and was rewarded with a wide smile.

Kissing her head with a "See you downstairs in a bit.", he left her room to join the others in the kitchen.

Just as he wanted to enter, the door bell rang.

He went over, hearing Remus and Pascal trail behind him and opened the door.

"Merry Christmas Eve!", Hope said cheerfully and hugged Remus.

"Hi, mum. I missed you."

"You forgot about us, Re'?", he just saw Julian run up to them, from where he had still been at the car, jumping up to his brother.

Remus lifted him with ease, "Wait, who are you again?". At the shocked expression of his brother he cracked up, laughing and getting them both inside.

"Pascal.", he Lyall greeted, "Thank you so much for hosting us all this Christmas."

"We're happy to have you! You're Sirius' family, so you're mine! Now, come inside. It's way too cold out here and dinner is almost done."

They all went into the kitchen. The food smelled amazing, so it was pretty hard not to be drawn to Celeste's current working space. Even though she was clearly a bit stressed, she chipped into the conversation every once in a while.

Sirius looked around from where he was leaning against the counter, standing next to Remus, "So when will Reg be making an appearance? I didn't think he'd go out on Christmas Eve."

"Oh. He's not. He in the basement-"

Dumo was cut of by Sirius, who was now leaving the room with quick steps in the direction of the stairs, shouting, "In the- That little shit. It's Christmas, Reg!"

Finally everyone was sitting at the beautifully set table. There were candles and carefully set up evergreen twigs, next to the delicious Christmas feast (it could not be described as a dinner). From were the table was positioned, everyone also had a wonderful view of their Christmas tree. Decorated with red and gold ornaments and an angel on the very top.

As soon as they had all sat down to eat, the stress Sirius had piled onto himself was somehow gone. He held up easy conversations with everyone, even one on one with Lyall. He seemed like he'd known them for years. They talked about hockey and the ride here and Remus really enjoyed watching his boyfriend bond with his family.

Until his mum joined in again, having had a separate conversation with Pascal about their kids.

"You know, I have video of Remus and Julian on christmas, when we bought them each their first hockey equipment."

Remus knew exacly how that had gone so he was determined to not show any reaction and just move on to the next topic. Sirius however had exacly the opposite planned and he never despised his boyfriend more then in that moment.

"Hope. Please. With all that holy to me, I beg you to show me that video someday."

Okay, that could go alright. Someday. Maybe Sirius would have forgotten until someday.

Once they were all finished eating and the kids were already starting to go to bed, they thanked Dumo and Celeste again, not only for the beautiful atmosphere, but also for the amazing food that left them all more than full up to the point, they couldn't even eat Celeste's christmas cookies anymore. Of course they got a to-go package full of every flavour that she had made that year.

Afterwards they all left for Sirius' house.

"Please can I drive with you? Pleeeaaase?", Julian begged Remus, standing in front of Sirius' car.

"'course, Jules-", Remus barely finished before his brother said, "Thanks. Alright, shotgun!"

And that's how Remus got to watch his boyfriend and little brother from the backseat, while they were discussing what Jules might get for Christmas.

It was a rather short ride to their house, filled with a long string of "I won't tell you." 's and "Pleeeaaaase." 's, but when they arrived Julian jumped out of the car like it was on fire.

"Easy there. You won't get any gifts from us until mum and dad are here."

Now they were all settled onto Sirius' massive couch and Julian was jumping up and down, probably breaking the springs any moment.

"Alright, seeing as Jules is ready to burst from excitement we'll start with our gifts."

Sirius left to get the big red one they had hidden in their bedroom.

Meanwhile, Hope was leaning over and noting smugly, "our gift, huh? You two bought your gifts together?"

Remus looked at her a bit sheepishly. They had been dating for over a year now, it didn't feel wrong to give out gifts together.

His mum saw his worried face and simply said, "No, don't worry. It's sweet."

Just as Remus wanted to reply his boyfriend came back into the room with Julian's gift, placing it on the floor in front of him. It was nearly as tall as Julian himself.

He picked it up and shook it. He could hear something moving inside, but that didn't help him determine what it could be.

Remus tore his eyes away from his brother's excited face, to look at his equally excited boyfriend. He was on the tips of his toes until he broke, "Come on, Jules! I'm dying here. Just rip it open!"

Remus had to laugh at Sirius impatience and enthusiasm, but he also wanted to see his brother's reaction.

"No!", was the first thing they heard and it was Lyall's voice. Apparently he had already seen part of the gift.

Julian ripped the wrapping away completely and tore the box open, revealing a lions hockey stick and a jersey, both with his number and name printed on it.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love them!", running over to his brother and Sirius and hugged them both, almost making them fall over from his force. "My team is going fo freak out!"

"I'm glad you like them."

Sirius visibly relaxed, "Can't be a real Lion, if you don't have the proper gear."

"Well, now I can! Okay, okay. I have something for you, too."

Sirius and Remus sat down and waited for Julian to get Remus' gift from where they had left them in front of the door.

"Here. For when you miss us."

Remus carefully ripped the wrapping paper away to reveal a snow globe. He turned it around a saw landmarks from his home state. It was incredible.

Remus eyes became teary. "I love it. But hopefully you'll never be gone long enough for me to miss. Oh, come here."

Jules came over and hugged him, but then the younger jumped up and ran out the door again.

He came back with another gift. He walked over to Sirius. "For you.", Julian held out he gift.

"Jules! There was no need to-"

"Its nothing, really. It's just something small. You might not like it, but I made it and I wanted to give it to you.", Julian looked a bit embarrassed, now.

Sirius removed the wrapping from the rectangular object to reveal-

"It's a picture of my family.", Julian told him.

Sirius looked at the framed photo. It was after a game. The Lupins had come down to the lockerroom. It was Lyall with his arm around Hope. Julian in front of them, flashing his brightest smile. Remus standing next to them. And to his right Sirius. Holding Remus close, a hand on Julian's shoulder, smiling. Now it was Sirius' time for tears.

"Jules, Julian. This is the sweetest gift I've ever received, thank you." Sirius couldn't really put into words how much this meant to him. To not only be accepted, but welcomed into this new family.

"Oh, come on. I- I need a group hug, please."

They all piled onto Hope like they were on the ice. Sirius being the first, hugged her the tightest, not wanting to let go. He could feel all of Julian pressed to his side and Remus as he kissed his temple. He even felt Lyall's hand from the other side on his shoulder blade, pressing the group together.

Apparently, he really didn't need any cookie bribes, it seemed like he was fine just the way he was.

mon petit chat- my little cat

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etherrealoblivion · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter Fifteen: Fuck It

Table of Contents

Fic summary: Owning a bookstore in downtown D.C. came with its fair share of downsides. You never thought that being the target of a serial killer would be one of them. Luckily, a nice FBI agent by the name of Spencer Reid is assigned to watch over you. What's the worst that could happen?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Words: 2,770

RATING: MATURE

MASTERLIST

The awkwardness toned down after a while. There wasn’t much more you could be embarrassed about now that you’d been sleeping in the same bed together for days. What was strange was the fact that it was Christmas Eve and neither of you really knew what to do.

“Should we celebrate?” he asked finally after a few episodes of the strange true crime show on VHS — it was called Felon’s Brains and Spencer hated it, but there wasn’t any cable this far out and there were fifteen seasons of it on tape.

“I’m not sure.” Christmas hasn't always been a happy holiday for you. That coupled with the fact that you were hiding from a killer, what was there to celebrate?

Looking over at Spencer sitting next to you on the couch, his face contorted as he thought hard. There’s something to celebrate.

“When was the last time you ate?” While he was skinny in the first place, his shirts seemed to be falling a little looser lately.

It was a good question judging by the way he had trouble remembering.

“I’m not sure. A few days ago.��

You would be surprised, but there hadn’t really been many opportunities for either of you to eat. You’d grabbed an apple just before you left the hotel but that was pretty much the only food you’d had in a while.

“We should have a feast,” you said excitedly, your stomach grumbling at the thought. Spencer also looked relieved, probably more at the idea of keeping busy.

“Okay! I’m not all that sure what’s in the pantry.”

The yield was minuscule, but you could make the best of it. Surprisingly, there was an old pasta maker with a stiff crank, but it would work well enough. There was flour, eggs, olive oil, all the ingredients to make pasta from scratch.

However, when presented with this idea, Spencer blistered.

“I’ve said this before, I’m, uh, not exactly a chef.”

You smiled gently at him, gathering the ingredients.

“Me either. But pasta from scratch is like the one meal I can make. And there’s some canned vegetables in the pantry. You can prepare those.”

He seemed daunted by the idea, but moved to the cabinet and took out several cans.

So you did your best making the pasta (perhaps adding a bit too much flour) and soon the meal was ready.

“Oh my god!”

“What?” you said nervously, watching him swallow the first bite of pasta.

“This is amazing!” he dug in, savoring it. “How did you learn to make this?”

Pleased, you took a bite yourself. It did taste really good. But so did Spencer’s vegetables.

“I learned from my old . . . roommate.”

You tried to play off the slip. Hopefully, he’d go along with it.

“Cool! Well, it’s delicious. Thank you.”

His eyes crinkled when he smiled, sending a spark through you and you grinned back at him.

“You know, this isn’t a bad Christmas Eve.”

He nodded, glancing from the meal to the window to you. Startled at the sudden eye-contact, you looked away, no doubt a blush spreading to your cheeks.

Spencer cleared his throat; he did that a lot.

“Ahem, did you know that Christmas is just the evolution of a popular holiday in the Roman Empire that celebrated the winter solstice as a symbol of the resurgence of the sun, the casting away of winter and—“

“While it does drive me crazy when you ramble, in a very good way, maybe we could talk about something a bit more personal?”

He wasn’t sure whether to be embarrassed or relieved.

“Sure. Like what?”

“Hmm. What was your favorite Christmas?”

A bright smile lit up his face.

“The Christmas after my tenth birthday. My dad dressed up like Santa and we went and saw reindeer in Baskin’s park. I got to ride one. My mom was so scared the whole time. She kept thinking I was going to fall off, even though my dad was right next to me the whole time. That was really the last family time we had. He left the next year.”

His smile turned to a frown.

To change the subject, you took the plates to the sink, then sat on the couch, patting the place next to you. Spencer stood and ambled over, plopping down next to you, attempting to smile. Your positions were similar to how they’d been in the bookstore, all those nights ago. Strange how close you’d grown after such little time.

“What about you? What was your favorite Christmas?” he asked.

You took one look at him, wearing a thick burgundy sweater that looked far too scratchy to be comfortable, woolen mismatched socks, and regular jeans, his head tipped back on the couch and staring at you so sweetly, awaiting your response.

“This one.”

You had whispered it so quietly you would have been sure he didn’t hear it . . . if not for the sharp intake of breath next to you.

Quickly moving past that, you said, “I’m not sure. I’ve never really had super special Christmases. I mean presents and stuff is great, but none really stand out. Well, stand out in a positive light.”

He chewed on that for a minute.

“Then what’s been your worst Christmas?”

You shot him a look, “I’m not sure you wanna hear about that.”

“I do! Here,” he scooched closer, picking up your legs and swinging them into his lap, surprising you with the closeness of the gesture, “I’ll go first. My worst Christmas was the year after my dad left. I didn’t get any presents because he wasn’t there and my mom was admitted.”

“Admitted?” you asked before you could stop yourself.

“She, um, she has Schizophrenia. She lives in a mental facility.”

It was such a personal confession, you weren’t sure what to say. He told you something extremely private! That’s good! Right? No. If anything it just blurred the lines of your relationship further. Was he telling you to indulge you, make you feel more comfortable with him knowing so many personal things about you, or did he actually want to share that part of himself with you? Either way, you needed to acknowledge it.

“I’m here, Spencer.”

He looked at you in surprise.

“Most people say they’re sorry when I tell them that.”

Shit.

“Oh, I didn’t mean—“

“No, no,” his eyes were full of curiosity and wonderment. “I’m actually grateful. It’s weird when people apologize because there’s really no right response. I can say, ‘it’s okay’, which is a lie; ‘thank you’, even though I’m not really thankful; or I can ignore it which is just mean. An apology creates an unconscious obligation.”

The two of you sat in silence for a moment, digesting the words.

“I promise never to apologize to you,” you said, smiling.

He smiled back, chuckling softly. “I promise, too.”

“My worst Christmas was last year.” He adjusted his position so he could look at you better. “I had just started my Linguistics PhD so my schedule was constantly full. At the time I was living with my ex-boyfriend, Matthew. He, um, had problems with me being gone so frequently; he always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. So when I surprised him by coming home early on Christmas Eve, I thought he’d be pleased. Turns out there was a reason he was so obsessed with my schedule. He didn’t want me coming home to someone else in our bed.

“I remember when I walked in and saw them together how sad I was. But even more so, I was relieved. Looking back on it, I was just looking for an excuse to get out of that relationship.” You looked off in thought. “Huh. I’d never really thought about that.”

His hands were slowly patting your legs, sliding up and down your clothed shin. It seemed like he didn’t even realize he was doing it.

“I’m here for you.”

He had said it as a comfort, as a substitute for ‘I’m sorry’, but you couldn’t help taking it as though he was saying he was there for you and he always would be, unlike your ex. Spencer seemed to realize this, his hands freezing on your leg.

But he kept stroking after a moment, and said, “I never liked the name Matthew. So pretentious.”

You laughed lightly, reaching out for his hand, clasping it in yours and running your thumb along the back.

“Spencer. How is this going to end?”

When the FBI had first talked to you, Morgan had assured you that the stalker wasn’t trying to kill you. But then why were they being so protective of you?

He waited a moment before answering, holding your hand tightly.

“The model of a stalker killer deciding to rehearse his fantasy multiple times with possible intent to have you complete the final scenario concludes itself with one of two possibilities. The more likely being the stalker will kill himself.”

“What’s the other possibility?”

Embers from the fire snapped and crackled in the heavy silence.

“He’ll kill the object of his desire.”

Although you had kind of put together the fact that there was more to the danger you were in, it still came as a shock to have it confirmed.

“Have you had cases like this before?”

He paused, biting his lip.

“Yes.”

“And how do they end?”

“The ones we win, the victim goes through therapy, the stalker goes to prison, and eventually we move on. It never goes away, but it gets better.”

You nodded seriously.

“What about the ones you lose?”

As the logs in the fire snapped again, a lightbulb burned out, making a loud popping noise above your head and shrouding the room in darkness.

Spencer stood on the couch, adjusting the bulb.

“Sorry, I guess there’s not the best electricity out here.”

“Well, there’s a generator out front. It’s probably just the lightbulb.”

“No, these lightbulbs were changed recently. Are you sure you saw a generator?”

You nodded.

“Then it must be the circuitry.”

He unscrewed the bulb and sat back down, setting it on the end table. The only light in the room came from the fire. It cast a golden glow over his sharp features, drawing your attention to the cut of his jaw and the plumpness of his lips. The firelight in his eyes as he stared sparked something inside you; a sort of sudden urgency.

You sat up, moving closer to him on the couch. His hazel eyes glowed in the soft light of the room.

Slowly, you brought your hand to his face, gently caressing his cheek. His lips parted and his eyes grew dark, glancing down at your lips.

The threat of death was just around the corner, closer than you’d thought. You loved Spencer and you needed him to know before . . .

“Y/N. . . .”

It was barely a whisper but you felt it in every part of your body.

Letting the feeling wash over you, you picked up his hand, placing it on your cheek and melting into the touch.

Spencer stroked your cheek, thumb brushing against your lips. You parted them, staring at him as you mouthed his thumb.

He suddenly pulled back, balling his hands into fists and trying to catch his breath.

“Listen, there’s this thing called ‘transference’ it’s when—“

“Spencer, I like you.” Well, that was one way to shut him up.

At his shocked expression, you quickly burst into a ramble. “Not because you’re protecting me, I've thought hard about this. I can protect myself, I'm not helpless. That being said, everything about you makes me want to be with you. The fact you love reading, knowing all sorts of random facts, you love memorizing lists, the way you raise your eyebrows when you’re shocked like you’re doing now. I want you, not the idea of you. I want you.” You said the last part with such conviction you thought you’d explode.

Meanwhile, Spencer was speechless.

Testing the waters, you leaned in as slowly as you could, giving him the opportunity to stop you if he wanted.

When your mouths were millimeters apart, neither of you moving, just breathing heavily, you said, “You don’t want this?”

“Drink,” and the second he said it, your lips met harshly with tongue and teeth clacking together. It was desperate, urgent the way you pulled him on top of you, laying back on the couch. His hands were everywhere at once, running through your hair, snaking around your waist, brushing against your neck.

Breaking the kiss to pull his sweater over his head, you marveled at his bare chest. It was different than you’d pictured. Not muscular per se, but not nearly as scrawny. It was perfect. He was perfect.

He hesitated at your gaze, so you pulled him back down, ravishing his mouth and scraping your nails down him back, leaving a trail of white marks.

But, ever the hero, he pulled back, shaking his head softly.

“Wait, wait . . .”

The absence of his mouth was unbearable, but you would respect his boundaries. Although you knew now that if anything, it was his job interfering with his feelings for you. It wasn’t that he didn’t want you. He just couldn’t have you.

The thought was too much, you looked away from him, still hovering above you. When, after a moment, he still hadn’t moved, you looked at him, surprised to see an extremely pained expression on his face.

You tilted your head, eyebrows furrowing. For him, that seemed to be the last straw for he sighed and leaned back down muttering, “Fuck it,” and kissing you harder than ever before.

It was the first time he’d cursed in front of you. Moaning against his mouth, you could feel his fingers brush against the skin of your sides. You gasped at the contact and he started to pull back, but you pulled him closer, nipping his lips and letting your legs fall open, closing any gap between you.

He grunted softly and inadvertently thrust against you in just the right spot, causing you to thread your fingers through his hair and pull.

The yank made him gasp and his hips jerked unconsciously against yours.

“D-do that again,” he whispered between kisses.

Delighted, you did, hard, your other hand desperately trying to unbuckle his belt. He occupied himself with kissing up and down your neck, occasionally biting and subsequently soothing with licks.

You finally got his belt undone, throwing it to the floor as he pulled your shirt over your head. He pulled back for a moment, admiring you. Your bra wasn’t all that special, just a plain tan one, but Spencer looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Tired of the space between you, you pulled him back, kissing him deeply and moving his hand to your breast. The moment he was given permission, his hand slipped underneath, kneading gently.

As you popped the button on his jeans and shoved them down his legs, he found the clasp of your bra and snapped it, probably breaking something in the process. Now your chest was bare, Spencer’s hands moving all over your body, soaking up every inch possible. You gently reached down and felt his hard length, both of you moaning at the contact. He thrust into your hand, desperate for more.

But you had to stop him, you pulled him back, hands moving to gently grasp his cheeks, holding his face inches from yours.

He seemed alarmed by the shift, stopping all movement and staring into your eyes.

In that moment, with him on top of you, looking at you with such care, such caution, like you were the only thing that mattered in the world and he’d do anything you asked in an instant, you realized you needed to tell him. If you kept it in any longer you’d burst.

He knew what you were going to say the moment before you said it.

“I love you.”

The two of you held eye contact for a moment, the only sound in the room your breath. Then, his expression softened and he opened his mouth to speak.

But before he could say anything, there was a loud THWACK and he fell forward onto you, unconscious. Behind him, standing above you, was a dark figure holding a blunt object.

Terror rushed through you, chilling the marrow in your bones. But before you could so much as scream, the figure lifted the object and brought it down on your head, hard.

Everything went dark.

notes: I am so sorry.

Taglist: @aperrywilliams @mjloveskids666 @dolanfivsosxox @criesinreid @fanficsrmylife @racerparker @sammypotato67 @lukeskisses @reidcrimes @you-had-me-at-hello-dear @l0ve-0f-my-life @thatsonezesty13 @yourmisosoup @queenofthebees003 @pinkdiamond1016 @eu-solidao @perverted-guardian-angel @boiled-onionrings @rainsong01 @lesbian-emilyprentiss @andiebeaword @itsmoony @cielo1984 @baby-i-am-fireproof @mendesminimuffin @fukyouthink @addie5264 @gretaamyk @sercyan @expressiodeppresio @matthewreid

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fic #fanfic #fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #fandom #smut #slow burn #angst #fluff #criminal minds #i am so sorry

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charcoalhawk · 4 years ago

Text

Candy Rings

This is my secret Santa gift to the amazing @skorimizize !

I went with something real fluffy so I hope you enjoy!

(Based partly on this tumblr post https://xthreeravensx.tumblr.com/post/632693804865044480/marleneprincemckinnon-portraitofemmy)

———————

It starts off, like most things do with them, as a joke that both of them take way to seriously. Izuku is on a three day caffeine-driven spiral to figure out how to afford university when he stumbles across it.

“Kacchan I need you to marry me.”

“...why?” And that’s not an immediate no, so Izuku plows on moving into the living room proper so he can properly pace.

“So there’s little to no way I can afford university next semester, even with my two part time jobs and the money I’ve saved up is for emergencies only, and well… in the grand scheme of things I can always take a gap year or two to save up more and apply for more scholarships and grants. But as I am now I’m doing really well in school and if I had to take a year off I might forget something- well maybe not forget but I’m already used to how things are and I just- and I know you’ve also been struggling to pay everything and with this you could get the school to pay your tuition so then you would be able to save up more money and then we could maybe even-“

He’s rambling, he knows this, but when he gets truly stressed Izuku’s mouth tends to have a will of its own. Taking in a deep breath he looks over at Kacchan, who has sat up from his comfortable ball in the one comfy spot on their sofa. His eyes have taken on that same fire that Izuku so admired when they were kids, so hopefully this means he doesn't think that Izuku has finally cracked from the pressure.

“That… that might actually fucking work.” As he says it Kacchan pulls out his phone and starts furiously tapping at the cracked screen, and Izuku takes that as his cue to slum onto the other end of the sofa, dutifully ignoring the springs that dig uncomfortably into his back.

Moments like this make him so glad that he and Kacchan had reconnected at university after having grown so far apart in middle school. Even now neither of them quite know what caused the rift between them, but by the time they were 14 they could barely be in the same room without something breaking. Being assigned roommates their first semester of university should have ended in destruction, but somehow the two of them had come to mutual understanding that first day reunited, and when Izuku went apartment hunting his second year Kacchan was the first number he called without hesitation to see if he wanted to room together again.

A cry of victory brought Izuku back from his musings, as he turned to see his childhood friend grinning sharply at his phone.

“So what do you find out?” Izuku asks, leaning over to look at the other’s screen.

“We’re in fucking luck Deku, looks like the school has no rules about how long the couple was married beforehand and no stipulation about how long they have to be together after the forms are filled out.”

“Really? Huh, guess the school doesn’t keep too close an eye on this kind of situation. I can’t believe this might actually work? What about both people being students?”

“It says here that as long as we get an ordained minister to officiate it and pay the fee at the courthouse where we sign it, we could get married by the end of the week. Fuck yes, and as long as both fill out all our forms before we divorce the school can’t do shit about it. And they got nothing in here banning both people from being students. Goddamn Deku it looks like you’ve got a brain rattling around in that hole in your head after all!”

“Hey!”

————

From there it’s almost stupidly easy to get it all worked out. Katsuki had gotten ordained as a minister in high school because his annoying-ass friends had joked that that was something he couldn’t possibly be good at, as Katsuki will admit only to himself that he had been maybe a bit obsessed with being the best at everything in high school. But jokes on them, because now he can use that power to get himself and Deku married, and now their school has to pay for most of his and Deku’s tuition.

Marrying Deku… if someone had told 14 year old Katsuki that someday he would be marrying that nerd, even just to use a stupid school loophole, he would have laughed in their face. And probably punch them to. But after doing some much needed growing up, and getting his head out of his ass, Katsuki was able to reconnect with the kid he had so unfairly despised.

Neither he nor Deku put much stock into thinking deeply about what they were planning to do, they already lived together and could tolerate each other’s company pretty well. And they were… friends? That’s all marrying was anyway right?

They spend the rest of that day checking every law and tacked on sticky note that they could find, because they might be petty little shits, but they’re petty little shits who did stuff legally.

————

The next day is spent filling out forms and stopping every once and a while because they happen to look at each other and break down laughing because they're actually doing this. That night they order greasy American takeout, and when Izuku spots a sad little onion ring stuck to the bottom of his burger he has an idea.

With grand movements he dramatically got down on one knee in front of Kacchan, proudly presenting the onion ring as if it were the most precious thing he owned.

“Bakugou Katsuki, love of my life and second biggest All Might fan in the world, will you do the honor of marrying me?”

Kacchan’s eyes widen comically before he snorts loudly and reaches into his sweater pocket to present Izuku with an All Might themed Ring pop candy.

“Thought you’d never ask nerd.”

—————

By next Thursday it’s all sorted out and Bakugou Katsuki and Midorya Izuku are officially married in the eyes of the law, and more importantly in the eyes of their school.

After that life carries on as normal, the next semester starts and both Izuku and Kacchan get to save a pretty penny on their tuitions. By the time everything is filled out the whole marriage situation has become an in joke between the two of them, and both so busy that neither brings up the idea of getting divorced.

Izuku had honestly forgotten that they hadn’t told anyone until he visits his mom a few weeks into the semester. They’re sitting on her much more comfortable sofa when she offhandedly mentions dating and if Izuku has had any time for it.

“No not really, too many projects and to few hours of sleep to really do the whole dating thing.” After a moment he adds on, just as a joke, “besides, I’m married to Kacchan anyway, and he’s not one to share.”

He expects a huff of laughter or even a joking admonishment about Izuku’s choice in men, but the room goes dead silent. As the seconds drag on Izuku is suddenly reminded that he and Kacchan hadn’t told anyone about their marriage.

“You’re what!!”

#twinterstars2020 #bakudeku #katsuki bakugou #izuku midoriya #bnha #this is pure fluff and I very much enjoyed making it #hope it warms you up in these cold times

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imaginedeux · 4 years ago

Text

Sixth Sense

Run, we need to get a way!

Guys run!

This isnt good, we need to get out of here and now!

LEAVE THEM ALONE!

Exploring places was something you had done since you were young, being the youngest and the only girl in your group of cousins, you wanted to show them you werent scared to explore abandoned places, or even haunted places. Your old home town was founded as an army base during the civil war and saw blood shed for the first give or take 100 years of its existence, which caused the places you and your cousins to explore to be haunted. Fast forward to present day, you no longer live in your hometown, but live in Santa Monica, California with a mundane job to pay for the overly expensive loft you were renting. You also had a small youtube channel, nothing too big, it was more of a way to record your adventures in California and a way for your parents to make sure you were okay. That is until you bumped into a very popular social media duo while they were trying to sneak into a ‘haunted’ location near where you lived. The warning you gave them, followed by a video by the duo a week later, caused them to contact you and to see if you wanted to join them for haunted location.

That was over a year ago, and now you regularly join them and TFIL for ‘haunted’ overnights. A majority of which were legit, you could feel the presence of spirits before you stepped foot on the property, while others were just people being a-holes and scaring you guys off. Thats one of the reasons why you joined the duo and TFIL for those adventures, you were able to sense a spirit near by, and were able to warn them when they went too far. This has been something you’ve been able to do since you were a kid, and wasnt an unfamiliar feeling either. That is, until Colby told you that he and Sam wanted you to join them for a haunted overnight in London, with Cory and Jake in tow as well.

With your luggage in tow and your new passport in hand, you and the guys were off to London for Sam and Colby’s new series. What they didnt tell you was, there were two locations you would be visiting, possible a third, but two for sure. The first location did a number on you and the group, the experts told you the stories associated with the room Sam and Colby and with the floor the five of you were staying on. Everything that went on during the night, and after the group went to their rooms for the night, shook the group, you especially. You weren’t one to have nightmares much less ones you could remember after waking up, but the dream you had stayed with you as you traveled to the second location.

“Hey, you okay (Y/N)? You look like you’ve been in a trance since we left the hotel.” Corey, who was sitting next to you in the backseat asked you as you looked down at your hands.

“Just thinking about what happened last night.” You murmured, your nightmare coming back to mind. “I didn’t want to freak you guys out while we were checking out, but I had a really intense nightmare that included all of us.”

“Nightmare? I thought you said you didnt have them?” Colby asked, looking at you through the rear view mirror, his eyes shifting from you to the road.

“Thats the thing I dont. I havent had one since I was a kid. It was after you came knocking at my door asking if I had called you guys, or even asking if I had left a voice mail. I fell asleep for an hour and I woke up from what felt like a never ending nightmare, I wasnt going to let myself go back to sleep so I sketched out what was happening in my dream. The only thing I could draw was the church, and its surroundings.” You explained grabbing your bag taking out a notebook you carried around with you, flipping it to the page where you drew the church. “The thing that stuck out the most was the graveyard that surrounded it, and the forest.”

~~~

“Hey (Y/N), didnt you say you had a nightmare about a church?” Jake asked from your right, shaking you awake from your short slumber.

“Y-Yeah, what about it?” You yawned, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, looking straight out the windshield. Both Sam and Colby were looking out to the left of the car, their camera recording on the dash straight at you.

“And that the church was surrounded by a graveyard?” Sam said this time, from his seat in the passenger side.

“Yeah, what of...” You started before you looked out the window to your left. “No, there’s no fucking way.”

“(Y/N) did you know what church we were going to today?” Colby asked, turning to look at you face to face. “Because that’s exactly the church you drew.”

“NO! You guys wouldn’t even tell us the name of the church! How was is supposed to know THIS was the church we were going to!?” You questioned the blue eyed brunette in the driver seat.

“I dont like this you guys.” Corey said from your left. “(Y/N) had a nightmare, a NIGHTMARE, about this place. And she apparently doesn’t even have nightmares, and she has one about this place, A PLACE SHE’S NEVER EVEN SEEN BEFORE!”

“Guys, off camera (Y/N) told us she had a nightmare, note she hasn’t had a nightmare since she was a kid, about us at a church surrounded by a graveyard last night after the phone call. She also said she drew out the church, a way to keep her awake until we had to check out this morning.” Sam explained to the viewers what was going on. “And this is what she drew, without knowing what church we were going to.” Sam grabbed the notebook from you and showed it to the camera.

“Which is the exact church we’re staying in tonight.”

~~~

“Okay, this is getting freaky. (Y/N), has called everything thats happened so far, from the crows, to the teeth on the graves. I dont think staying here is a good idea guys.” Jake said as the sun started to set over the woods at the back end of the church, giving the group less light to see over the graveyard. “She even called the fucking tombs in the church!”

“Come on Jake, shes also said by this time in her dream shit hit the fan, and we’re okay, we already have our blankets for the night, the camera is ready to record us for the rest of the night to make sure we capture everything we can. We’ll be okay.” Colby said trying to calm down the other skeptic in the group. You said nothing as Jake argued with Sam and Colby, all you wanted to do was get out of the place as fast as you could, and the only way to do that is go to sleep. Being unconscious was better than feeling on edge the entire time.

“What else did you dream (Y/N), was this in the dream too?” Corey asked taking a seat next to you, your back to the three other guys as you faced the front of the church.

“No, thats why I want to leave. With the dream I was able to pin point what not to do but now that its nothing like it, i’m scared that something might happen.” You confessed, still looking towards the front of the church, the tombs covered by darkness. “I’m not able to stop something bad from happening if something does go wrong.”

“I understand the feeling. Especially after what my little brother texted me yesterday, I feel like I cant help him if I dont know what im going up against. And its scary.” Corey whispered as the yelling behind the two of you started to quiet down.

“We’ve both had things happen since our childhood. You’ve been seeing things since your family used the Ouija board, and I’ve had the feelings since before I could remember. Believe it or not my mom once told me she could feel spirits when she was my age, and so did my grandma. They’ve both told me that they were able to feel spirits most of their lives, but they cant anymore.”

“What stopped them? Maybe you can do that and you wont be able to feel the spirits anymore!”

“I dont think it’s that simple.” You laughed. The dry laugh caught the attention of the three other guys in the church as well. “They stopped being able to feel spirits the day I was born.”

“Hey guys, I think this is a good time to head to bed.” Sam said this time, the harsh LED light illuminating dark half of the church. “The faster we get to sleep, the faster we’ll be out of here.”

~~~

Sam! Colby! Guys! Get back to the Church now! Jake, Corey, i’m going to go and get them, stay here.

You’re too late

No! No i’m not! Sam! Colby!

You cant protect them

I WILL!

The air was finally able to reach your lungs as you shot up from your make shift bunk. The cold air surrounding you caused steam to radiate of your person, and your deep exhales to create puffs of smoke in front of you. You looked around to see if your sudden movements woke anyone else up, thats when your heart dropped. Before you went to bed, Sam took the bunk closest to the door and Colby took the one to your left while Corey and Jake took the ones to your right. Both Sam and Colby’s bunks were empty.

“No, no, no, no!” You mentally yelled pulling on your shoes as fast and as quietly as you could, not wanting to wake the two other boys. As you got up, you heard one of the bunks shift and a loud gasp come from behind you.

“Did, did you shake me awake!?” Jake asked, his eyes wide. “(Y/N), did you shake me awake?!”

“No. Now quiet down.” You tried shooshing Jake. “You’ll wake Corey if you’re too loud.”

“Too late for that, what’s going on? Where’s Sam and Colby?” Corey asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Jake are you okay man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I woke up because it felt someone was shaking me awake! Then when I got up (Y/N) was getting up from her bunk.” Jake explained getting up from his bunk and flipping it over. “Where are Sam and Colby? Did they do this?”

“I dont know! When I woke up they were gone, thats when I got up and you woke up. Stay here, I’m going to look for them.” You said grabbing one of the extra flashlights.

“No! We’re not going to let you go out there on your own.” Corey said slipping on his shoes. “Whoa, wait what happened to you? You’ve soaked through your shirt.” Thats when you realized your sweater was completely soaked with sweat from the nightmare you were having before you woke up.

“My nightmare. No.” You whispered before you bolted towards the door of the church. “You guys stay here, I think somethings gonna happen, something bad. I have a big bag of salt in my backpack, use it to make a circle around the bunk area, and DONT leave it. Not for me, not for anyone okay? Unless you see us in person, dont believe your ears, okay?”

You stood at the door, the gates open behind you, leading out into the grave yard, Corey and Jake confused. “Things are going to get bad.”

“Bad? What do you mean bad? (Y/N), you can’t leave us in the dark, especially after everything thats been happening!” Jake yelled walking towards you.

“FINE!” You screamed back. This was probably the first time they heard you raise your voice in anger. “Fine! When I was younger, right when I was realizing that could feel spirits, a demon attacked one of my cousins while we were exploring one of the old hospitals in the area. My other cousins all ran away, too scared to think of a way to get the demon away from them. I stepped in and the next thing I knew it was three weeks later and I was in the hospital. I was in a coma after detaching the demon from my cousin who was in a coma as well. The thing is while I was in the coma I had a never ending nightmare.”

“What does that have to do with us!?”

“Because! I was having nightmares of this place! Thats why when I woke up today I was repeating the nightmare from all those years ago! Before tonight I had no recollection of what happened to me and my cousin, its almost as if it never happened. And because of the nightmare from yesterday and the eerie feeling from today, I was able to remember it. I texted one of my older cousins while we were out buying blankets and they said that it was true, but that the family promised not to bring it up to either of us. In my nightmare, from YEARS before I moved out to California, I had a nightmare of you four. I was trying to protect you guys, Sam and Colby. Now it’s actually happening, so I have to go and protect Sam and Colby.”

“Wait! Why do we have to stay here? If we go and look for them all together we might be able to find them faster!” Corey said this time, grabbing the camera from where Colby left it to record you all through the night.

“Because the safest place you can be is in this church. The salt circle will keep you extra protected, you coming with me will just put you in danger. Please, stay here. There’s still a couple of hours until sunrise, if we’re not back by then call the police.”

~~~

“SAM! What the hell are you doing man!” Colby yelled, finally catching up with his blonde best friend. “You cant just get up and walk out of the church and into the creepy ass woods by yourself.”

“Sorry, I have the camera as a light so its not that bad, but I kept hearing things. I wasnt sure if it was from inside the church at first, then I heard it outside.”

“What were you hearing? You could have woken one of us up. You cant be going out here by yourself.”

“SAM! COLBY!”

“Is that (Y/N)? What’s she doing up?” Colby thought pointing the flashlight he had towards the direction of your voice. As Colby was about to call out to you, the atmosphere around them grew heavy. “Whoa, did you feel that Sam?”

“Yeah-yeah, it felt like the air got heavy. I think its time for us to get back to the church Colby.” Sam said this time, the camera facing Colby, the look of fear obvious on their faces. “Wait, where’s (Y/N)? I swore I heard her voice!”

“SAM! COLBY! Jesus, there you guys are!” You yelled, running up to them from the woodwork. “We need to get back to the church now!”

“We were about to head back, but why are you soaked? What happened?” Before you could respond to Colby’s frantic questions, an unearthly screech cut you off. The three of you fell to the ground, hands covering your ears, the camera in Sam’s hand fell, the light on it flickering from the fall. “What the hell was that?!”

“We need to get back to the church now!” The crack in your voice scared the duo. For as long as they’ve known you, you’ve never been one to be scared by the spirits, but this was a different story. “Please, we need to get back to the church!”

Grabbing the camera, you pointed it at the duo in front of you, the light still flickering, but it was the only way to keep you in your line of sight. “I can’t lose sight of you guys, so please lets get back to Corey and Jake.”

“What’s going on (Y/N)? Why didnt you bring Corey and Jake with you?” Sam asked coming to a stop near the edge of the woods.

“Yeah, and did you feel that shift earlier? What was that?” Colby asking this time.

“There’s no time for questions, we need to get to safety, please!” You were pleading with them at this point. The sinking feeling in your stomach was getting worse. “Please we need to leave!”

“No! Not until you tell us whats going on!” Colby yelled at you. It didn’t phase you, it was a high stress situation and yelling in normal. Taking in a deep breath you told the duo what you told Jake and Corey back at the church. You could tell as you were reciting the story that they knew this was serious.

“So, we need to get the hell out of here and back to the church where its sa-” You started before the light on the camera Sam still had in his hand, went out.

There’s no place to run, you were smart to leave the other two in the church, but these two are mine.

“Don’t you dare get near them! I’m the one you want! I’ve beat you once before, I can beat you again!” You yelled at nothing. “Whatever you guys do, do not talk to him. You guys acknowledging him will only make it worse.”

“Right.” The pair whispered. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you grabbed onto Sam and Colby, “We need to get back to the church, follow me.”

Not so fast (Y/N), you dont think it’ll be that easy?

“Sam!” A familiar voice yelled from the darkness. “Sam please help me I’m hurt!”

“Ka-” Sam started before you let go of Colby to slam your hand on Sam’s mouth.

“It’s a trick! Don’t trust your ears, they’ll trick you.” You explained. “Same goes for you Colby, no matter who you hear, it doesn’t matter who, if you cant see them, do not trust the voices you hear.” You grabbed Colby’s jacket, pulling him and Sam back towards the church. “I’m sorry you guys.”

“Why are you apologizing? It’s not your fault this is happening, you didn’t know that this thing was going to come back.”

“Yeah, if anything its our fault that we didnt listen to you, after you were predicting everything that happened.”

They’re right, they should have listened to you, just like your cousins should have listened to you when this happened all those years ago.

“We were children! You had the balls to attack children! That just shows you how weak of a demon you are! It makes you even weaker when a child was able to exercise you from a the body of another child!” You yelled into the darkness. “You thought you were powerful because of the place we were in! Your worshipers used the hospital as your portal! You were using my cousin as a scapegoat!”

You werent strong enough to get rid of me the first time. What makes you think you’ll be strong enough now?

As the demon started to laugh, the ground shaking with every cackle, the moon showed itself from behind the clouds, the graveyard lit up with the light. In the middle of all the graves was a massive being, a mix of human and a crow.

“You were always here weren’t you? You were hiding among the crows.” You said letting go of the duo. You faced this demon once before and lived, you can face him again.

“(Y/N)! Don’t!” Colby whispered as you walked towards the demon. “We need to get to the church!”

“Come on, (Y/N)!”

“No. Not anymore, if I dont get rid of him now, I’ll have to live with this asshole following me!”

Oh, I’m not planning on letting you live, (Y/N). You arent going to live to see tomorrow.

“And im not letting you go, Raum.” With that the creature, screeched at you, stepping back away from you. “I’m no priest, or exorcist but I’ve researched how to get rid of demons!”

“(Y/N) what are you doing!?” Colby ran up to you, blocking your path to the demon. “We need to get back to the church! We’ll be safe their.”

“Sam, grab Colby and haul ass towards the Church, Jake and Corey will be waiting where the bunks are in a circle of salt, that’s where you’ll be the safest. If I don’t make it back by sunrise, I’ve already told Corey and Jake to call the police. Hell maybe call a priest too.” You explained looking between the two again. “Please, im begging you.”

“Come on Colby.” Sam whispered, grabbing onto Colby’s arm pulling him towards the church. “(Y/N) can do this, we’ll only hold her back if we’re here.”

~~~

“Jake it’s been hours and they still aren’t back, and what the hell was that sound!?” Corey asked the only other person in the circle. The yelling and screeching that came from outside the church were something out of a horror movie, it didnt seem real.

“I dont know, and all the cameras cut out when the first screech happened and they havent been able to record since then. Even the cell service has been shit.” Jake groaned sitting on one of the bunks in the middle of the salt circle they drew after (Y/N) ran out the church.

“What if it doesnt come back by sun up? How are we going to get help?”

“We’ll just go to someone’s ho-” Jake started before the doors to church doors slammed open. “Sam? Colby? Is that really you?” Before they could answer Jake grabbed the nearest bottle of holy water and sprayed the duo as they walked towards the bunks.

“Really Jake? Was that necessary?” Colby asked shaking off the cold holy water.

“Sorry, had to make sure. Hey, where’s (Y/N)? And what was that sound from earlier?” Jake asked realizing the person who forced them to stay in the church wasn’t with the duo.

“(Y/N) stayed outside. Remember when she told us when she was younger how her cousin was attacked by a demon back in her hometown?” Colby asked looking between Corey and Jake as the screeching continued in the graveyard, scaring the group.

“Well apparently the thing out there is the same one from her childhood. She told us to come to the church and wait for either her or for the sun to come up. And for us not to trust our ears, that the thing out there might try to get us outside, he almost got me by sounding like Kat.” Sam explained as more screeching and roars sounded from the darkness outside. “And to add salt to the wound, I dropped the camera when the first roar happened so I wasn’t able to get any footage of the demon outside.”

“Right when the first roar happened all the cameras in here went out too. There’s still battery in all of them but they wont record. And, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LEFT HER OUT THERE?” Corey yelled at the best friends. “You’re letting her go against that thing ALONE!?”

“We had to! If we stayed there the demon would have used us against (Y/N), and she’s gone against it before and lived, shes got this in the ba-” Sam started before another roar cut him off, the lights in the church flickering as a scream joined the roar.

“COLBY, I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE!”

“Its not (Y/N)! Dont listen to it!” Sam grabbed Colby before he sprinted out the door. “You know for a fact she wouldn’t call out for us! In any of our investigations, has she ever called for us? No. Don’t listen to him!”

“COLBY HELP! PLEASE I CANT BEAT HIM!”

“COLBY YOU BETTER NOT! DONT YOU DARE LISTEN TO HIM!”

“See that’s (Y/N)!” Sam said tugging Colby back into the salt circle, “We have to trust in her.”

~~~

“It’s been two weeks since the church and we haven’t told the fans what happened, what are we going to do?” Sam asked looking up at Colby, from his seat next to (Y/N). It had been two weeks since the church incident, and they were still in the UK. The night took a turn for the worst when the sun had finally come up and (Y/N) hadn’t made it back to the church. It took almost two days to find her somewhere in the middle of the wood miles away from the church the group stayed at.

“I know they deserve answers, but our main concern is to make sure (Y/N) is alright. We already contacted her family and they’re aware, which is the most important part. Maybe us staying and Corey and Jake leaving was a bad idea.” Colby muttered, pacing around the hospital room. (Y/N) hadn’t woken up from the coma she was found in almost two weeks prior, and it was concerning the boys. (Y/N)’s parents told the boys that the last time she was in a coma like this it lasted almost a month, and that the boys shouldn’t worry about (Y/N), shes stronger than she seems. “I wish (Y/N) would give us some sort of sign that shes okay.”

“Why does it feel like its out fault? Like if we hadn’t come to London none of this would have happened? Or what if we had stayed in the church? Maybe then we would have been back in LA planning our next adventure.” Sam whispered, rubbing his face with his palms.

“Damn it!” Colby finally yelled after a few minutes of silence. “Why the fuck did this happen to (Y/N)? What if we had stayed there? Maybe it would have been one of us instead of her! Fuck!”

“Quiet down please. We’re in a hospital for fuck sake.” The whisper caught the duo off guard. It was the small smile on the patience’s face that brought them to tears as they hugged the person on the hospital bed. “Okay, I can’t breath guys.”

“Wh-what? When did you wake up? How are you feeling? Do-do you need anything?” Colby asked as Sam ran out the room going to find a doctor or nurse.

“When you guys started to blame yourselves for what happened. Raum was going to come after me one day, it just chose the church because of all the spiritual energy that we were carrying from the hotel the night before.” You, explained before a doctor, nurse, and Sam ran into the room. It was a week later that the trio was on their way back to the States, when you noticed something.

“Hey Sam, Colby.” You started as you made your way across the London airport to your gate. You stopped and looked around, something was different.

“What’s up (Y/N)? Do you feel something?” Colby asked coming up to (Y/N)

“That’s the thing, I dont feel anything.” You said looking around the airport, every place you’ve ever visited had some sort of spirit lingering around. Good or evil you were able to feel them almost 80% of the time.

“What do you mean you don’t feel anything?” Sam asked the camera in his hand pointing at you and Colby. The three of you had agreed to release what footage you had onto their Youtube channel since you felt like their fans needed some sort of explanation. They just needed to film the last bits of them leaving London before they would do a sit down segment back in LA explaining what had happened at the church.

“I dont feel any spiritual presence, like any. It wouldn’t have bothered me but I had felt a presence when we first landed here. Now there’s nothing.” You said looking back at Sam and Colby. “Maybe me winning cost me my ability to feel spirits.” That statement became even more true when you landed back in LA and did a quick visit to places you knew were haunted, you couldn’t feel anything in any of the locations.

“Hey, maybe its a good thing? I mean people who have some sort of power are usually targeted by demons or evil spirits.” Sam said as the three of you walked up to the first place the three of you met.

“If it keeps you safe, maybe its a good thing that you lost your ability.” Colby said this time.

“But now I feel like I wont be able to protect you guys.” You said looking back at the best friends, tears welling up in her eyes.

“But, we’ll be able to protect you. When you would tell us to back off during an overnight we started to notice how certain things would happen around the time you would speak up. We’re able to tell if somethings going to happen because of all the times you brought it to our attention that something was wrong.” Colby said walking up to you, giving you a small smile. “Anything to protect you even if you dont have your sixth sense.”

#sam and colby fanfic #sam golbach #colby brock #sam golbach fanfic #colby brock fanfic #sam and colby AU #sam golbach AU #colby brock AU

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collecting-stories · 5 years ago

Text

Secret Santa - Connor Murphy

A/N: Getting some things out before Christmas comes. Ah!

It’s Christmas time and the reader got Connor Murphy for secret Santa.

“It’s secret Santa, it’s anonymous.” Jared pointed out, looking passed you toward the sign for the food court. It’d only been ten minutes since he parked the car and you walked inside but Panera was really starting to call to him.

“No, it’s supposed to be a surprise to the other person, it’s not anonymous.” You replied, ignoring his longing looks and starting to walk again, “What if we got each other? And then I give him his present and it’s shit and he’s gotten me something nice.”

“Knowing him he’ll have forgotten until the day of and end up giving whoever he got a joint.” Jared pointed out. “Or Wednesday Addams will have a freak-out and then no gifts.”

“Can you just help me?”

“Alright, alright. I gotta buy a present for Evan anyway.”

“You got Evan?” You asked.

“Unfortunately.” Jared had been tempted to the name back in Zoe’s jar and pick again, not exactly wanting to tackle buying a present for Evan. He would have preferred Alana or even Zoe, he could have just gotten off with an itunes giftcard and a cheesy card.

“Please, Evan is easy.” You had gotten Evan last year and given him a forest guide, plus when the weather cleared the two of you had taken a trip to the state park together. Connor had not participated last year.

“Connor is easy too, buy him a joint or lay on his bed naked...he’d probably be down for both.” It was no secret that you and Connor had a thing going on. If you could call awkward flirting and pinning over each other from a distance a thing.

You thought that going away to college would make it harder to keep in touch with everyone but somehow with Connor, it had become easier. While Evan had opted for in-state (closer to Zoe he claimed but closer to his mom you were sure), you and Jared had both ended up out of state, at the same college. Connor was “taking a year off” and working and yet you were certain he spent more time in your dorm than your roommate did. He drove the four hours up on Friday nights and stayed until Sunday evening, you texted him constantly and had managed to convince him to make a snapchat (“So I can see your beautiful face every day”). But you were just friends. Or something along that line, he hadn’t talked about wanting more and you were afraid that if you mentioned it he would want less.

“Jared!” You hissed, glaring at him.

“You could lay on my bed naked.” He smiled cheekily, earning an eye roll from you.

“Keep dreaming.”

“What about money?” It was what he was thinking about getting Evan and at least if you gave Connor money too then he wouldn’t get flack from Alana about his gift being impersonal.

“I was thinking something more personal than that. You’re not helpful.”

“I never said I would be. Besides I thought you got me and that’s why you wanted to go out.” Jared pointed out.

“I needed a car. You have a car.” You replied, shrugging.

“I can’t believe you used me for my car.”

“Jared, focus, presents.”

You weren’t surprised when Zoe told you that Connor would not be joining the party. He had, according to her, had a blow-out tantrum over something Larry had said earlier and had locked himself in his room. And despite her warning not to go upstairs you did anyway, carrying your giftbag with you. Willingly choosing to take your chances on Connor when you could easily stay downstairs with the rest of the party.

You knocked on his closed bedroom door, listening for his inevitable ‘fuck off’.

“What?” Connor shouted, a harsh tone to his voice.

“Is it okay if I come in?”

“Tell Zoe I’m not coming downstairs,” he yelled, “this whole thing is stupid.”

You waited for a minute, mulling over whether you should go back downstairs before finally deciding to try one more time. “Connor?”

“Go away.”

“I’m not here to drag you downstairs Connor, I got your name for secret Santa so, stupid or not I have a present for you,” you held up the bag as proof even though he couldn’t see it.

While you couldn’t hear the sigh that escaped his lips you could imagine it. “Come in.”

“So, it’s not much, but,” you handed over the present as you came in, standing awkwardly at the edge of his bed. He was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling and throwing a hackey-sac up in the air. He looked over at you, managing to catch the sac before it landed on his face and sat up, taking the gift bag.

“I didn’t get you anything.” He mentioned, picking at tissue paper.

“It’s not a big deal, I got your name so-“ You shrugged.

“That’s what I mean. I got your name too.”

“Just give me a joint or something, it’s really not that important. If you don’t wanna participate you don’t have to.” Zoe made everyone pick names at her friends-giving, which Connor also made himself scarce from. He didn’t want to be part of the secret Santa and he’d told her enough times that she should have known but she insisted that he take part.

It didn’t matter to you that he hadn’t gotten you anything. Regardless of the idea, the intent of the tradition was not to receive. And besides, he had given you plenty. He stopped at Starbucks every Friday and brought you ridiculously overpriced lattes. He bought you packs of pens or notebooks or random things he found while stocking shelves at Target. He spent money on gas driving eight hours every weekend just to see you. No gift could top that.

“Yeah but I still feel shitty about it now.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t get you a present?”

“I thought Zoe would tell you I wasn’t gonna do it.” He replied, fiddling with the tag, you’d written his name in pretty cursive.

“Well too late for that, open your present, I wanna see if you like it.”

“Thought you said it wasn’t a big deal?”

“It’s not.”

“Seems like it.” He mumbled, pulling different tissue-wrapped gifts out. It wasn’t much. A pair of socks with marijuana leaves on them, a dark grey sweater that looked warm and that Evan had weirdly known the right size for, a moleskine sketch-book and some watercolors that you’d spent way too much money on, and a set of Christmas themed scrunchies as a gag. He held up the pack of scrunchies, shaking them and watching the bells on the red one jingle.

There was a long pause, thoughtful even, as he looked over the presents that you had spent the weeks between Thanksgiving break and Christmas break mulling over. The green scrunchie in the pack was velvet and he tore the plastic binding them together so he could pull his hair back with that one. It was his favorite color and while he realized that it was just a stupid variety pack he recognized from a display at his Target, he knew there were two other packs as well. Maybe it was too much to be hopeful for but he sort of wished you had chosen that specific one because of the green.

You were still standing there, waiting in silence. Watching him patiently. You gave the best gifts, he knew from experience. In third grade you made everyone in class ornaments out of intricately folded paper. You’d made him a snowflake and glittered the edges dark green and told him you hoped he liked it because you knew that was his favorite color. The paper was a page from your favorite book, you had mentioned when he attempted to make out as many words as he could. Tuck Everlasting, you said you’d been to the town where they filmed and it was right by the beach.

He hadn’t said it then but he had thought about how fun it would be to go to the beach with you.

“Hold on,” Connor jumped up and went over to his desk. He made a show of rummaging through papers and drawers.

“Connor,” You stayed in place but twisted your body to follow his movements.

“I’ve got something I can give you.”

“It’s really not a-“

“Not a big deal, I know, I know, just, just close your eyes.” He requested, turning back toward you.

“Why?”

“Just do it okay?”

You closed your eyes and waited for whatever might happen next. His footsteps were muffled by the carpet but you felt his hands on your upper arms. You could hear him breath and, as he leaned in, you realized you could feel his breath on your face. Just as you were about to open your eyes and ask what he was doing you felt his nose brush against yours and his lips press a kiss to yours. It wasn’t anything especially romantic or passionate. It was quick, a closed mouth kiss, just the ghost of the feeling of Connor’s mouth on yours and then he was gone. You opened your eyes and he was still holding your upper arms but he was looking at you a little more vulnerably than before.

And you opened your mouth to say something intelligent but the only thing that came out was, “Oh, thank you.”

The nerves broke and Connor smiled, teeth and all, so close to laughter he let you go to cover his mouth, “did you just say thank you?”

“You said it was a present,” you dumbly replied, the heat of embarrassment warming your face.

“No one says thank you after someone kisses them.”

“Maybe they do if it’s a present.”

“I don’t think so.” Connor teased. He undid his bun and then tied it back up, a nervous habit you’d picked up on from all the times he spent at your dorm.

“Well next time I won’t say thank you.”

“You might. I might be that good a kisser.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” You tried for even an ounce of sass but all you could muster was the same tone of awe you’d had since he kissed you. He had kissed you and your whole body felt like it was tingling with a wonderful buzz of happiness.

“Who do you have to stack me up against other than Evan?” He joked, sitting back on his bed. He was trying to play it cool, doing a better job than you, though he was still filled with nerves. Had he read the situation right? Did you feel the same way about him that he felt about you?

“Oh god, Zoe told you about that?” You paled at the thought of Connor knowing about that kiss. A dare Freshmen year of high school.

“Jared.”

“That’s even worse!” You groaned.

“It’s not so bad.” Connor replied, “didn’t turn me off the idea of kissing you.”

I’m finally posting again and it’s still whatever I want...sorry, its the most I can do for now.

#Connor Murphy x Reader #connor murphy fanfic #connor murphy au #Connor Murphy imagine #deh fanfiction #deh imagine #deh au #deh fanfic #dear evan hansen imagine #dear Evan hansen fanfiction #dear evan hansen fanfic #dear Evan hansen au #collecting stories imagine

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winchester-purgatory · 4 years ago

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Giving back

Summary: Claire sign up to the Secret Santa program at the foster center she comes from

Written For: @spnchristmasbingo

Square Field: Secret Santa

Pairing: Claire Novak x Kaia Nieves

Word Count: 1771

Warnings: None needed

Every year, for Christmas, Jody encouraged the girls to give back to the less fortunate. It could be volunteering, helping out at a food bank, wrapping presents for gifts for low-income households, spending time with elderlies who no longer have families at the local retirement home, etc.

This year, Alex chose to entertain the sick kids at the children hospital on the weekends while Claire gave her name to the local foster center and signed up to their Secret Santa program. Although the foster center hadn't helped her while she was there, she always found it difficult to watch the younger kids receive presents on Christmas day and see the older ones be forgotten and skipped on. Teenagers deserve presents too.

Kaia Nieves, the paper read.

According to the brief information sheet the office lady had given her, Kaia was orphaned since a young age and had traveled from foster families to foster families but never found the right one - or so they said. She arrived at Sioux Falls' foster center two months ago.

Claire frowned, having already reached the end of the notes. ''There's barely anything written. How do I know what to get her?''

The lady shrugged, not really caring. ''Would you like to pick a younger child? They're easier to shop for-''

''No,'' Claire cut. ‘’I’ll figure it out.’’ She grabbed the paper and left the foster center.

What to get someone you know almost nothing about or never seen for Christmas?

Claire had been racking her brain for ideas, but it wasn't so easy. She could go with an easy pick and get a blanket, knowing the ones procured by the foster center were shitty at keeping you warm, but that was too basic. Kaia deserved better. Claire wanted to give her something with more thoughts into it, something the foster care teenager would genuinely appreciate.

If only the foster center had been more helpful and asked the kids what they wanted for Christmas. She could pick one item from the list and she'd be done.

Grabbing her laptop, Claire decided to look her recipient up online. There were slim chances to find anything, having no access to wifi at the foster center, but it cost nothing to try.

As expected, there wasn't much. The first Kaia Nieves she managed to find was too old to be in foster care and the second one lived in another state, miles away far from Sioux Falls.

Claire let out a frustrated sigh, pushing her fringe out of her face.

The front door opened and Jody came home from work, bringing along a pizza box. ‘’I brought dinner!’’

‘’Pizza is your favorite. I thought you’d be more ecstatic…’’

‘’Yes, thanks for the pizza, Jody.’’

Jody put down the pizza box and glanced at Claire, sensing something was on her mind. ‘’What are you doing?’’

‘’Searching up my Secret Santa recipient online. So far, nothing came up.’’

The raven haired woman chuckled, removing her sheriff jacket and hanging it on the coat hanger. ‘’I doubt kids are on social media, honey.’’

‘’My recipient isn’t a kid. I picked someone my age. In foster care, Christmas is mainly for younger kids. We, older ones, are always skipped on and forgotten during Christmas and I wanted to make someone feel less alone and not invisible. I know how it feels to watch others receive dolls and hot wheels and not receive anything yourself.''

Jody smiled, proud of her daughter. ‘’That's very sweet of you. I knew there was a kind heart under that tough exterior.’’

''I'm still rebellious, I'm not gonna become soft. Don't worry. I'm still gonna get in trouble at school for talking back at teachers or skipping on Fridays.'' She pulled a mischievous grin and Jody rolled her eyes, expecting no less. ''If I can make one less kid feel alone this Christmas, I'll feel great.''

‘’I’ll see what I can do.’’

In January, a new girl arrived at school. She had dark, curly hair, brown skin and always wore the same grey hoodie. According to Alex, her name was Kaia.

‘’Do you think it’s her?’’ Claire asked her sister, blue eyes set on the new girl sitting alone a few tables from her.

The Secret Santas weren’t allowed to see pictures of their recipient so Claire had no idea what Kaia looked like. All she knew was that she was around her age and liked to draw.

Alex shrugged, taking a bite of her sandwich. ‘’It could be. Kaia isn’t a very popular name around here.’’

‘’Should I go talk to her? She doesn’t seem to have friends.’’

‘’She just got here two days ago. You didn't have friends either when you arrived here,’’ Alex pointed out.

‘’I didn't want friends, that’s the difference.’’

‘’You think she wants friends? She seems to keep to herself and enjoy her own company, but do whatever you want.''

''Should I tell her who I am? That I was her Secret Santa?''

''No. You'll make her uncomfortable.''

''I could offer to mentor her at school. Show her around and stuff. New students need mentors, right? You did it for me.''

''Because Jody asked me to,’’ Alex reminded her. ‘’And, you told me to fuck off before the first bell. How nice of you...’’

Claire grinned and stole a cookie from Alex’s lunch. She had some in her lunch box too, but it always tasted better when stolen from someone else’s.

The sisters spent the rest of the hours talking about chores exchanges and bargainings for the week. Alex wanted Claire to tell Jody she was sleeping over at Angela's so she could go to Chris' party this weekend and Claire didn't want to clean the bathroom. It could've been a simple bargain, but Alex refused to clean the bathroom, having done it the last two times.

''Ah, I guess you're gonna stay home this weekend,'' Claire teased her sister.

Alex glared. ''It's unfair. You know I would lie for you if the situation was reversed.''

''I don't need you to cover for me when I want to go to a party. I've mastered the art of lying and covering my tracks.''

The blonde's attention drifted as Kaia pulled out a set of coloring pencils from her backpack, resembling a lot to the ones Claire got for her Secret Santa recipient. It's her.

Those coloring pencils were the last push Claire needed to get up and walk up to the new girl’s table.

''Hey! We aren't finished. Where are you going-''

Claire ignored Alex and took a seat at Kaia’s table.

Kaia saw a shadow casted before her and raised an eyebrow, pausing her drawing. ''Can I help you?''

''Did you like your pencils?'' Claire asked boldly. Kaia gave her a confused look, waiting for the blonde to continue. ''I'm Claire.''

It didn't take the brunette long to put two and two together. She froze for a minute, a bit panicked. How did she know it was her? Was she going to bully her? Some kids weren’t nice to the ones who were in group homes.

Claire smiled and a weight was lifted off Kaia’s shoulder. ''How did you know I liked to draw?''

''A wild guess.'' The brunette gave her a look and Claire sighed, telling the truth. ''I may or may not have asked Jody to go to the foster center and ask about you...''

''So, you stalked me?''

''It was for a good cause!'' Claire explained, justifying herself. ‘’If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t have received those cool pencil.’’

Kaia accepted the justification. ''You're forgiven. And, thank you, for the pencils.''

Claire smiled. ‘’Your welcome.’’ She looked down at the paper Kaia was drawing on, seeing a creature with horns and a creepy face. ''What are you drawing?''

''Last night's monster. I like to draw my dreams...more like nightmares. It's weird, I know-''

''I think it's cool. I can't draw for shit.''

‘’I can show you, if you want.’’

‘’What’s that?’’ Claire asked as Kaia’s backpack spilled and a red envelope had fallen out.

The girls had become very close friends during the following month and Kaia was now spending most of her time with Claire at her house. They’d have horror movie marathons and sleep over on the weekends, or do homeworks on weekdays.

Jody had rapidly grown fond of the brunette. She was happy to see Claire was making friends and had started loosing her moody attitude.

Kaia bent down and picked it up from the floor, bringing it on Claire’s bed. ‘’The letter I got from you,’’ she replied, biting back a smile and feeling her cheeks heat up.

‘’You kept it?’’ She seemed surprised, but also flattered.

Kaia hummed. ‘’Being at the foster center isn’t always a joy, as you know. Every time I felt down, I would read your letter. It gave me hope that one day, things will get better.’’

Hey, Kaia

My name is Claire and I’m 17. You’re wondering why a teenager signed up to this Secret Santa program. Well, I used to be in foster care at this very foster center. I’m not gonna brag about how happy I was while there, because it’s not the truth.

The truth is, my mom took off when I was eight and dropped me off at my grandma’s. I lived with her for a couple years, but she died from cancer. Wow. I’m off to a depressing start... I'm sorry. As for my father...he's away. I still see him sometimes, but his work schedule doesn't allow him to have me in his care.

When my grandma died, I was brought to the foster center by the child protection services and caused a lot of trouble. I met the wrong people and got arrested a couple times for shoplifting, trespassing and running away. I was very close to being transferred to a juvenile detention center when Jody, the local sheriff, was put in my path. She took me in, saying a home and a family was what I needed, not a stay in juvie.

What I want to say is, I don’t know anything about you or what you’ve been through, but I know some days are tough - and lonely. Watching the younger kids getting picked by families over you. You feel like no one will ever pick you, but, truth is, you never know. I used to think like that too, but Jody came and proved me wrong.

It’ll get better, one day. I promise.

xx Claire

‘’Did it? Get better?’’

A smile formed on Kaia’s lips and she looked up at Claire. ‘’Maybe…’’

#spnchristmasbingo #claire novak x kaia nieves #claire novak #kaia nieves

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Loud House: 11 Louds A Leapin Review or It’s My Bobby in a Box

Happy Holidays errybody! Christmas returns to this blog after a bit of a break to tie up some loose ends, and celebrate my birthday with a return to the loud house. It’s honestly good to be back. While it can be a struggle to cover a pure comedy, I genuinely like the show a lot, even with it’s flaws i’ve gone into, and my regular reviews gave me a running gag in my hatred of rusty and a new respect for the show. It’s just with a buiser schedule and me not actually trying to have something resembling order to things, I kept shoving Banned Together back despite really wanting to see it since.. you know.. Luna episode.. until it ended up sliding into ANOTHER set of episodes. It’s things like this why I have a queue now: while it’s not set day by day, in case I want to do more than one i na day, it is there to keeep some semblance of order and keep me on track so this dosen’t happen again. So with all that being said.. why did I choose to do A DIFFRENT loud house episode for the second time in a row before getting back to the current season? Simple.. i’ve been putting this episode off personally for even LONGER. I meant to watch 12 louds a leapin back when it first came out at the start of season 2... and just never got around to it. And just kept never getting around to it, wanting to watch it at christmas but then forgetting to do so for the last 4 years. Spare a thought there.. 4 years. In that time 80 years have passed, an era of marvel movies have come to an end, a tick series has come and gone, She Ra has come and gone, ducktales premiered then annoucned it was ending.. my point is way too many shows are ending too soon, and i’ve let this slide for far too long. So I bumped this one up to finally take a look at it, as i’ve waited this long and didn’t want to risk missing it a fifth fucking time. So yeah i’m taking look at what’s probably a classic episode in the fandom with fresh eyes. Let’s see what I thought shall we? It’s Christmas Eve at the Loud House and Lincoln is once again Zach Morrising it up .

Not what I meant.. whatever that is. It’s been 30 years since that episode aired, probably a good 12 since I first saw it and I still have no idea why they did this or if it was giong to end in a three way before the girls showed up. We just don’t know and the greatest minds in the country are baffled.. and you know working on the vaccine and making sure it’s safe.

No Linc is talking to the camera about it being christmas while gearing up to go sledding with his sled big red. Meanwhile the rest of the louds are doing their usual christmas activities which we get introduced to as Lincoln gets ready. The girls sub-plots here are, outside of Lori’s., less plots and more running gags, various shenanigans by the girls tying into their personalities and christmasy stuff. It works perfectly.. while it’s a bunch of gags.. the gags are funny and it’s neat to learn more about just how the girls celebrate christmas and what they get up to every year. It’s part of what’s to love about holiday specials as you get a once or twice in a series chance to see how our heroes celbrate the holiday and thus a look into stories, gags and character stuff very unique to the holiday. It also uses the fact LIncoln was the protaganist at the time very well, using him as our viewpoint to set up all the christmas goings on as he makes his way out of the house, so we can cut back to them later as his plot goes on. It’s really good stuff. So what are the girls up to? Let’s go down the list by age shall we?

Lori: Lori has the most involved plot anyway so it’s best to start here. Lori and Bobby are having their first christmas together... though it does bring up the fact that they’ve only been dating 2 years at most, yet plan to get married.. I mean that is a lot but your also 18. Then again time is nigh incomprehinsiable to unpack in the loud house, and at least 3 years passed in the one year it took to get them all aged up, so I wouldn’t think about it too hard. Lori, still being in huge bitch mode as she was early on, pressures bobby to get a good gift. She later gets said gift but despite being told to open it immideitly, her siblings chide her on her habit of tearing presents open and thus get her not to open it. So that’s a runner through the special, with Lana even putting her on a leash at one point, which I found hilarious. Less hilaroius is the conclusion as it turns out in the box on christmas day.. is BOBBY, who understandably is not looking so good...

Thankfully bobby’s not dead or they all would be, but still the poor boy missed christmas eve with his mom and sister for this stunt. I mean I get it’s his fault, he’s apparently LITERALLY too dumb to live it turns out and should’ve you know made a noise sooner and probably didn’t want to ruin the suprise.. but we still nearly got an episode where a 4 year old had surivviors guilt for letting her older sisters boyfriend suffocate in a box. That’s dead santa from gremlins levels of fucked up. Thankfully Lori loves it and I assume bobby’s worried family joined them for christmas eve. That image fills my heart with hope. But seriously bobby never again we can’t loose you. At least not before Sergio.

Leni: Leni’s is very simple it’s just a running gag of her taking various christmas things, making them into outfits then saying shhhh to whoever’s around when she hears, or in later cases is right there, with the person asking. Just a funny bit. Luna: Is working on a christmas song. It’s one of the weake runners as the failed songs just aren’t that funny, but the payoff for the main plot makes up for it. WE’ll get to that. Luann: Has one of my faviorite bits, her 12 puns of christmas which is both really adorable and leads to an adorable moment with her dad. Always loved their relationship.

Lynn and Lucy: Are teamed up this episode which makes me genuinely miss how the two would be used as a pair ocasionally earlier on but just .. arne’t anymore> The rest of the girls status as roomates is used liberally but not so much these two. IT’s just weird and disheartning to me. That being said their plot is simply the two digging around to find where the presents are hidden, which I never got as why would you want to know weeks ahead of time. You can’t use any money to buy the stuff you dind’t get or they’ll know and they usually figure out you knew ahead of time and it just brings thigns down. But from a kid’s perspective I guess I get it and while it’s weird to have Lucy be one of the ones following I like it, as it shows that benath her gothy demanor she’s still just an 8 year old girl excited for christmas, and that’s adorable. A decent enough runner.

Lana: Gets a good one: She keeps accidently catching people, and a passing car in one case though she has a jack to help, in her reindeer traps. Its not only funny but really adorable especially since she dosen’t care about trapping SANTA persay, she just wants her own pet reindeer and frankly who wouldn’t want a rideable woodland critter who can fly. Dammit now i want one too.

Lola and Lisa: Lola gets a fairly standard one tha’ts still pretty damn funny; She wants to get offf the naughy list by playing good for a day. What makes it funny is that last part.. that instead of doing it over a few days like most of this plot she’s trying to cram it all into one day while also trying not to strangle Lisa, who keeps showing up to say santa’s route is impossiuble. As ducktales covered he slows down time.. also you know.. not every kid celebrates christmas so ther’es probably a good number of houses he dosen’t have to cover in one night. Lily: Just randomly pops out of stockings a bit. it’s precioous as it sounds. The Parents: It had honestly been so long both since i’d seen a season 1 episode, and since the two had been both given actual names and fleshed out considerably, that i’d forgotten Rita and Senior had their faces obscured for all of season 1. It’s REALLY weird and jarring to go back to after getting to know them as fully formed people of their own over the past 3 seasons, and especally gorowing to love Senior, as he’s a loveably goofy dad but without the incompetence of most comedy dads. He can bumble but he’s also genuinely supportive, talented and pulls his weight in his marriage and family. We do however start to really see their fully formed , full member of the cast perosnalities here: Rita is clearly tired from the sheer amount of shit she has to juggle, but is also nice and warm and while Lynn Sr.’s goofiness was established already, here it’s tempered into his current shape and his love of cooking and through role as the family chef is established. While he was established as cook earlier he goes from someone who’d use frozen food just to get by to a master chef who probably does use a lot of frozen stuff but can make anything taste good and will eventually have his own restraunt. It’s really fascenating to see them slowly emerge. They don’t really have plots themslves, and Lynn’s only real gag is wanting everyone to try his figgy pudding.

So with the rest of the family covered let’s get to our main plot. Lincoln is sledding.. on the slide out back.. for some reason.

The reason is simple.. his sled ends up in the yard of Mr. Grouse, their neighbor and old man who yells at louds. Lincoln explains grouse keeps everything that ends up in his yard and has taken a lot from the Loud Kids over the years. So lincoln.. uses the slide to sled.. DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HIS YARD.

I’ve been wanting to use pigtail kim since I made that one recently. But her points stands. What?!. I mean Lincoln can be stupid, he’s only 12 it’s allowed, but usually more out of not realizing what he’s getting into or using kid logic. He’s not this brain dead. That’s Leni’s job. It just feels like plot contrivance. Just have him build some sort of contraption as a makeshift hill and tell the audience he’s doing this because his family dosen’t want him going to an actual hill on christmas or is too busy to take him. There are easier ways than this half assed rube goldberg machine of a setup. So naturally his sled ends up in the yard.. and he calls on Clyde to help....

Now if you’ve been reading my reviews for a while, you know that reactoin is normally reserved exclusivley for this guy.

But since Rusty was in his larval state with only a few apperances and hadn’t emeerged from his coocoon as the douche I know and love to take pot shots at, there was actually something WORSE. Something more obnoxious. And with far far worse implications. And that my friends was seasons 1 and 2 Clyde. Clyde in the early seasons CAN be fine, and the self we know now. In fact I wish he interacted with the sisters more as the slumber party episode early on gave him a nice dynamic with all of them and the episode with him and leni was terrific. The problem one there was running gag with him, one character trait that utterly sucked the joy out of the room at best and made him into an unlikeable little shit at worst; HIs crush on Lori. When she’s around at BEST he has a Master Roshi nosebleed, stammers her name and passes out, something that wasn’t funny the first time and quickly became grating the 80 other times they did it. But at worst, as he is here? He’s creepy, obessevie and worst of all. .a real dick to bobby. Who as we’ve established is...

So that was NEVER going to go over well and even ignoring that is still very bad. The little creep just constantly treats Bobby with hostility, which given this is Bobby, he dosen’t realize is going on. Any time their relationship is threantned Clyde’s main goal is to swoop in during the aftermath and win lori over. He constantly wants Bobby out of the way, The ONE TIME he dosen’t come off as a massive dick is when Lincoln thinks Bobby might be cheating, and that’s because Clyde isn’t planning on swooping into the wrecakge of someone’s relationship to get a girlfriend, but to punch the guy out for cheating on her. Bobby wasn’t and Clyde obviously isn’t capable of that, but it’s a bit more understandable and even CLYDE wants to make sure there’s evidence first. But more often than not he’s just under the assumptino Lori will be his despite the massive age gap, her having made it obvious she’s not intrested, and her being in longterm relationship she’s really happy in with someone else. And this was season 1 lori who reacted to this, so the fact she’s not being the queen of all bitches about it only makes him look that much worse. And to add to that, Bobby not only KNOWS he has as crush on Lori but is suppportive of clyde, cheering him on when she kisses him once for doing something noble, and generally treating “Clydsdale” like he would any of Lori’s blood siblings. It was excurating then to sit through this every few episodes.. and it’s even worse now because the gag’s complete dissaperance from Season 3 onwards really paints the picture that this gag was entirely because series creator Chris Savino thought this was FUNNY and no one else did. And given he got fired for, you know, HARASSING WOMEN AND NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER you kinda see how an already bad bit was made worse. So yeah while the sled thing is bad this.. is objectively worse and drags the special down more. It’s thakfully not omniprescent but man is it hard to watch. Clyde being in full dickhead mode is trying to get a kiss from lori and is using a missletoe hat for it.. And can we just agree that while Missletoe can be used well in stories, to help two shy people finally kiss or to ramp up romantic tension or what have you, that it’s often used by creepy douchebags to get kisses they don’t deserve both here and presumibly in irl before the plauge hit? We can? Good. But yeah that’s his plot, no suprise he gets one, bah hum bug. He also throws in some Bobby bashing by fantasising about him ending up in the yard and clyde ending up with lori since Grouse keeps bobby.. even though instead Lori would just ignore clyde, storm over there and rip an old man’s spine out mortal kombat style.

So yeah Lincoln wants his sled back, but he can’t do it alone as the old man scares him, hence Clyde coming in. They make an elaborate plan using some careful blueprints.

Their real plan is to have Clyde disract grouse while Lincoln grabs the sled but it fails and mean mr mustard finds it and takes it inside. Desperate, Lincoln prepares to do some crimes and head into his house. Clyde is afraid he’l end up in jail and never get to visit because only family can. Clyde you are family. Plus Prison visits aren’t limited to relatives only, any show with a character in jail storyline will tell you that. But Lincoln makes a valid point that Grouse stole his property.. I still dont’ think this is the right way to handle it and his parents should just go over and ask the loud, irate asshole to give the kids stuff back he stole to be a dick, but this is a kids show and again we wouldn’t have a plot but unlike last time my head dosen’t hurt from this. He’s desperate, he knows that probably wouldn’t work and again he’s 12. 12 year old logic is fine. Naturally he ends up getting caught as Grouse didn’t leave for long, though having found a photo of Grouse with a sled as a kid, understandably fires back on him that he wasn’t always like this. Why he like this. He also has the much farier point that again, it’s his property and “My yard my rules” is about as much a legal rule as a note saying “I can do what I want, ron”. But Grouse understandably, hey he’s a dick but the boyd id be and e, makes him clean up and after Grouse fails to get the loud parents Lincoln, via a comination of a charming family photo and Grouse talking to his sister on the phone, finds out the real reason he acts like this: He misses his family and being on a fixed income can’t visit them often as he tells his sister he won’t be home for christmas to see his sprawling family.

And while it doesen’t excuse his actions.. it does explain why Grouse is so bitter: you would be too if you had a massive family who clealry loved you and your on good terms with.. but through no fault of your own and presumibly despite working hard toa fford retirment you just.. can’t see them. Their there and you have the phone, but you don’t know how to work the internet and it’s just.. not the same as seeing them. Your just seperated from them and can’t be near them or hear their voices or get hugs. Which.. given the current pandemic i’m sure MANY of you can relate to that.. to being seperated from your loved ones and trapped, and especailly many people mr grouses age are facing that. While this special is good even without the context of seeing it this year it especailly resonates and i’m glad I waited this long simply beaause it came at just the right time. Grouse tells him to leave not planning on calling his parents.

So in christmas special fashion, Lincoln is touched byt his story, and feels bad for the old curmudgeon. Sure they don’t get along and the bastard broke his sled.. but again you’d be bitter too in his shoes. The guy has nothing and is alone.. and Grouse has done nothing to deserve that, even with his actions resulting from it. No one should be alone on christmas. So Lincoln tells his sisters, all of whom rally around him, including Luna whose writer’s block is broken as she finally realizes...

And not singing about that was holding her back. Luna has her song and Lincoln, as expected has a plan. And we soon see that plan as Grouse gets a knock on the door.. and finds the Louds, parents included, and The McBrides all there singing him a christmas song. It’s pretty decent and the first time we really get to see Nikka Futterman sing and i’ts beautiful> Ther’ed be better, and worse luna songs to come but this is still pretty neat and sweet. THey came to offer him deocrations, dinner, company.. and a one way bus ticket to his family... presumibly the family will pay the other way or he can easier the day after christmas. Point is he’s touched, and genuinely and sincerly thanks them and invites them in, with Grouse’s actor John DiMaggio REALLY selling it hard.

So our heroes gather for Christmas Eve all together, and under Grouse’s roof with Grouse giving the kids their stuff back having had a change of heart. Sure he misses his family.. but the Louds and Mc Brides have shown him he dosen’t have to shut everyone out as a result. And while Grouse apologizes tht his sled is gone.. Lincoln’s fine with it he got something better. So the next morning we end on the kids opening presents, and Lori saving her boyfriend from axphisxiation, seriously between this and strife of the party i’m really starting to sour on lana. Regarldess Lucy finally belivies in santa both due to gifts nd seeing him last night, while Lincoln finds a sled from santa.. and then goes outside to see Mr Grouse off, recognizing he’s the one who played santa in a really sweet and senitmental bit. The two part on good terms even if Lincoln breaks another window. Things have changed if not that much. Final THoughts: If it wasn’t obvious, I REALLY loved this one. While it has it’s flaws, and Chris Savino sucks dirty ass in thunderstorms obviously.. it’s still a really sweet, well constructed special and I really recommend checking it out. It’s on the nick app if you have cable and on CBS All Acess if you have that. Until next time merry christmas to all and to all a good day.

And if ther’es an episode of the loud house you’d like me to review leave it in the comments or you can comission a review of it for five dollars. Just direct message me to work out the details or send an ask for my discord.

#the loud house #lincoln loud #lucy loud #lola loud #lori loud #leni loud #luna loud #lynn loud jr #lynn loud senior #rita loud #lily loud #lana loud #luann loud #lisa loud #clyde mcbride #harold mcbride #howard mcbride #bud grouse #christmas

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ericsonclan · 4 years ago

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Wrapped Up in Anticipation

Summary: Violet opens her dorm door to find an excited Louis with presents to wrap.

Word Count: 2048

Read on A03:

A knock at Violet’s dorm room door had her quirking an eyebrow. Therissa wouldn’t be back until the wee hours of the morning since she’d gone to pull an all-nighter with a classmate. Who else could be visiting so late at night? Looking through the peephole, Violet rolled her eyes. She opened the door to find Louis there, wearing a Santa hat and smiling at her with his arms full of Christmas wrapping paper and a huge bag slung over his shoulder.

“Lou, what are you doing here? We said we’d meet up tomorrow to wrap gifts,”

“I know, I know, but I was picking up supplies and I found something and I just got so excited I had to bring it over tonight and figured why not go the whole nine yards?” Louis smiled brightly at his best friend before looking down meaningfully by his feet.

Violet’s gaze followed Louis’ down to the ground. A small gasp escaped her lips. There at Louis’ feet was a tiny live Christmas tree, no higher than his knee.

“Isn’t it amazing! I spotted it being sold in the parking lot with all the big Christmas trees and figured it’d be the perfect tree for you. You can have a real live tree this year!”

Violet would never admit it, but a lump welled up in her throat at the gift. Growing up in a trailer, she hadn’t come from a family with the funds to afford a real live tree let alone a full size artificial one. Truth be told, as she got older her parents had stopped putting up any sort of tree at all, not even the dusty old miniature one they used to place on the table. Her mom had been busy working multiple jobs and no longer had energy to decorate and her father was too focused on chasing the next bottle of whiskey to care. Violet used to have her grandma’s decorations and artificial tree to find solace in, but it had been almost a decade now since she’d been alive.

“Vi? Are you OK?” Louis’ voice carried concern with it.

Shit. Her emotion must be showing through after all. She didn’t want to talk about any of that stuff. It wasn’t like Louis knew and she wanted to keep it that way. That part of her life was in the past now. She was living independently, and she’d never be going back. Swallowing the lump, Violet cleared her throat and bent over to pick up the tree. “It’s cool. Let’s bring it inside quick. I think my RA said live trees aren’t allowed within the dorms,”

“Ooh, breaking the rules!” Louis whispered happily with a playful waggle of his eyebrows. Slipping inside Violet’s room, he closed the door behind him with a soft click. Walking forward, Louis dumped all the wrapping supplies in the center of the room. He glanced over at Violet who was placing the tree upon her desk. “Oh, we should probably put that in water so it doesn’t dry out. Do you have a bowl or something we could use?”

“I have one,” Violet went over to the bookshelf and grabbed a plain white bowl. “I’ll be right back,” With that she left to fill the bowl in the dorm bathroom. A few minutes later when she returned she found Louis had already spread out all of his gifts upon the floor and was attempting to calculate how much wrapping paper he’d need for the first one.

“You’re using way too much,” Violet noted dryly. Going over to her desk, she stood the tree up within the water bowl. “The wrapping paper’s gonna get all crinkly and shit,”

“It’s ok, I bought plenty. If I do this wrong, I’ll just try again,” Louis’ scissors glided as he cut a huge swath of wrapping paper before looking back over at Violet and the tree. His face fell slightly. “I should have run back inside and bought some ornaments for Lil Stumpy. He looks so bare,”

“You named my tree?” Violet plopped down on the floor, rooting out her own presents from under the bed.

“Poor little guy needed a name. He’s small of stature but big of heart,”

“Excuse you, Lil Stumpy is a lady,”

“Oh! My humblest apologies!” Louis bowed in mock solemnity before continuing with his wrapping. “I’ll be sure to drop by tomorrow with ornaments for the little lady,”

“Y’know, for someone who goes to a different college, you’re over here way too much,”

Louis shrugged. “What can I say? I like it here. You’re here, Marlon’s here, and everybody else around here seems cool too. Like those twins in your statistics class. That gift’s for Sophie, right? You said she’s the one who really likes food,”

Violet paused in her gift wrapping and nodded. “Good memory,” She’d gotten Sophie a DIY mochi ice cream kit. Ever since the twins and Violet had gone on a late-night ice cream run one late night, Sophie had been talking about mochi nonstop. Hopefully Sophie’s homemade mochi would turn out to her satisfaction. Violet glanced over at the box Louis had been trying unsuccessfully to wrap again and again. “That’s the bomb you ordered for Mitch?”

“Glitter bomb,” Louis corrected, recutting his wrapping paper to a smaller size. “I can’t wait to see the look on Mitch’s face when he gets a faceful of glitter! He’ll be getting the stuff out of his hair for weeks!” Louis chortled happily at the thought. “There’s a giftcard to St. John Steakhouse in there too. Hope he looks through the box before throwing it out,”

“You’d better give him a heads up on that after the glitter bomb,” Setting aside her first present, Violet moved onto her second, Minnie’s gift. It was a t-shirt with a heartbeat monitor line in the background while a guitar was in the foreground.

“Oooh, getting Minnie something with a heart on it I see,” Louis teased.

“Shut up,” Violet muttered, turning her face away from her friend. “It’s a heartbeat, not a heart,”

“Riiiight, totally different. Minnie seems nice though. I think if you asked her out she’d say yes,”

“Yeah, like that’s ever gonna happen,”

“Or maybe I should hint to Minnie that she should ask you out,”

“If you do, that, I swear I’ll steal your kneecaps in the middle of the night,”

“Ok, ok, message received! Yeesh!” Louis rolled his eyes as he pulled out a large package from his present bag that was already wrapped in dark blue tissue paper and tied with a silver bow. “Here’s your gift by the way. I wrapped it ahead of time so there’d be no chance of you spoiling your own gift this year,” It was a game they’d developed over the years: Louis hiding his present to Violet somewhere he thought she’d never find it and Violet inevitably sniffing it out.

A smirk crossed Violet’s face. “Oh, I already know what it is,”

“What?! How?”

“You left your laptop open beside me last time you were over here. I just pulled up your Amazon order history and scrolled down,”

“Well, you’re still not allowed to open it till Christmas!” Louis declared with a sullen pout.

“I won’t,” Violet took the present eagerly, lightly squishing it. Louis had outdone himself this year. He’d found a blanket with glow in the dark constellations printed all over both sides. Violet couldn’t wait to cuddle under it come Christmas morning. Pulling out a box from her own pile, Violet unceremoniously plopped one of the ribbons Louis had bought on the top of the packaging and handed it over. “Here’s your gift,”

“Wow, I love what you did with the packaging,” Louis replied drolly. Taking the small box in both hands, he shook it in curiosity.

“Hey, no shaking! You don’t get to guess what it is!”

“Oh, but you get to know what your present is ahead of time? I call shenanigans!”

“Just wait till Christmas, you big baby,” Violet glanced over at the box, hoping the present inside was still safe. She’d bought Louis a thumb piano. It had been a tossup on whether buying it for him would be worth the annoyance of him playing the thing everywhere, but Violet knew the smile on Louis’ face when he opened it would be worth it. Getting back into wrapping mode, she pulled out a thin black box that contained her next present.

“Is that one for Mitch?”

“Yup,” Violet wrapped it in the goofy reindeer wrapping paper Louis had bought. She knew that one would annoy Mitch the most.

“What is it?”

“A knife,”

“Bet you wanna keep it for yourself,” Louis knew her well. Violet was a sucker for a cool knife.

“Yeah, but there’s no weapons allowed on campus anyway, so,” Violet shrugged, making quick work of wrapping the gift. “Ready to wrap the big one?”

“You betcha!” Louis reached into his bag with glee, pulling out an entire miniature sled. The warm brown wood and painted metal detailing along the edges came together to form a truly charming sight. “You got your part of the gift?”

“Yep,” Violet plopped a red dog harness on top of the miniature sled. “I looked up pit bulls to make sure I got the right size,”

“Awesome. Marlon’s gonna lose his mind when he sees this!” Louis was practically beaming in excitement as he unrolled a huge swath of wrapping paper to begin the process.

Violet had to agree. Ever since Marlon got Rosie at the beginning of this year, the dog was all he ever talked about. Violet couldn’t blame him. Rosie was super cute and pretty much the sweetest dog she’d ever met. When she and Louis had been brainstorming gift ideas for this year, they knew they wanted to get Marlon something that would also be a gift for Rosie. Now he would be able to sit on his own miniature sled and have Rosie pull him around across the snow to her heart’s content. They were both gonna love it.

It was quite a tricky process getting such a large and unusually shaped present wrapped. In the end after several layers of wrapping paper and some truly haphazard usage of tape, they had a large, lumpy package to show for their labors. Both friends looked at it with pride.

“It’s perfect,” Louis stated, wiping a mock tear from his eye.

“That’s some fucking good wrapping if I do say so myself,” Violet smiled proudly at the mysterious blob. That was when her eyes caught the time. “Shit, it’s almost one? I have an 8 AM class tomorrow. You gotta go,”

“Awww, so soon?” Louis batted his lashes at Violet, giving his best sad puppy impression even though they both knew that was pointless.

“Yep. Scram. And take your shit with you,” Violet helped Louis pack all the wrapping paper and supplies as well as his gifts before escorting him to the door.

“Christmas hug?” Louis asked, turning around one last time.

“Fine, Christmas hug,”

“Yay!” Louis wrapped his arms round Violet happily, chuckling as he did so. “Ho ho ho!”

“…What the fuck was that?”

“A Santa laugh. Now it’s a genuine Christmas hug,”

“Whatever,” Violet mumbled though she knew Louis caught the small smile upon her lips.

“I’ll see you tomorrow to drop off the ornaments for Lil Stumpy then?”

“Sure. I’m done with classes at 2,”

“Then I shall see you then. Till next time!” With a happy wave Louis was gone, sneaking quietly down the hall as it was far past visiting hours.

Violet shook her head good naturedly before closing the door. What a goof. It was sweet how excited he got around Christmas though. And the early gift he had dropped off… Violet looked over at the tiny Christmas tree, her eyes misting up a bit at the sight. That was truly special. Walking over to her desk, Violet brushed her hands along the delicate pine needles tenderly. It was her first Christmas on her own and already it was better than any she’d had in a long, long time. “Merry Christmas, Violet,” she whispered softly to herself. A bit of Christmas magic had found its way to her after all.

#twdg #fanfic #twdg christmas #ericsonclanchristmaschallenge #twdg violet #twdg louis #louis violet brotp #ericson's diner au

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1035

survey by tickticktmr

Do people spell your name wrong very often? LOL, of course. When your name is the less-common variant, expect it to be misspelled all the time. Only like 2 out of 10 times do people ask me if my name is spelled with an i or y, but it’s them I appreciate the most.

Who will your next phone call be with? I’m not expecting any phone call for a while.

Would you rather be taken or single? Ugh, taken. I love being in a relationship; I always enjoyed looking after someone else and doing things to make them happy. Being independent has its perks too, but I always feel lonely at the end of the day.

Do you plan to move any time soon? Nope, I’m taking it slow.

Would you rather have pink or green hair? I’d go with green but only if it’s a dark shade, like the color of seaweed. I wouldn’t appreciate neon green on my hair.

Do you miss anyone's smile right now? I saw it again yesterday, so I’m good.

Do you want kids? I used to, but now I’m back to the drawing board when it comes to kids.

Do you know who sings 'Let it rock'? It’s not ringing a bell, and honestly the first thing I remembered was the Goofy Goober Rock song from the Spongebob Movie HAHAHA. Sorry to disappoint.

Do you think stargazing is a romantic thing to do with someone? Sure, but I think it also works platonically. Stargazing is generally a nice and relaxing thing to do whether you’re alone, with an SO, with a friend, or with a bunch of friends.

Do you want to tell someone something right now? Yes, but I can’t.

What's your opinion on sex before marriage? It’s whatever. People can do what they want, and the only things they should watch out for are consent and being safe.

Do you own a car? I don’t own it, i.e. I didn’t pay for it, but it was given to me so I can have a car to drive myself when I need to go to places.

What is something that is always in your kitchen cupboards? Rice.

The last person you spoke to: have you ever lied to them? For sure. Growing up with strict parents taught me how to lie convincingly.

Have you ever made out with them? That person is my mother. No.

What woke you up today? I did so naturally.

Have you ever had a pet rock? No. People do that? How do rocks become pets?

Have you ever been lost? LOL like the lost-in-life kind of lost? Sure. I’m going through it at present because life threw a shit ton of curveballs at me over the course of two months.

How long is it until your sibling)s) birthday? My brother’s birthday is in 5 months; my sister’s is in 10 as she celebrated her birthday just last September.

Are you lazy? I can be if I want to. But I’m not always, of course.

Do you read the newspaper? No.

Have you ever heard of the song 'Teeth the size of piano keys'? No.

Who was your last thought about? You got me thinking about my sister because of the earlier question about her birthday.

What made you in the mood you are in right now? I’m relaxed at the moment and that’s thanks to the fact that it’s Sunday, I’ve recently gotten into a new hobby and a show I can dive into, and tomorrow’s a holiday so no work for me :) Gonna make the most out of this evening for sure.

Have you ever told someone to go to Hell? I’ve most likely done so, but only as a joke.

Do you know anyone named Jos? As in, pronounced ‘Jaws’? No. That’s one of the more unique names I’ve heard.

What's your font on MSN/AIM? I don’t use either. I never used either, either.

What's more important to you: books or music? Music.

Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nah. Even when I still collected magazines, I preferred physically going to magazine stands and buying new issues. It was more exciting that way.

Has someone ever really hurt you without even realizing? Yeah.

What do you sleep in? A bed, most often. Sometimes I’ll pass out on the couch but that doesn’t happen too much anymore.

Have you changed in the past six months? Yes, both naturally and forcibly. It’s been... quite a year for me, even if we put Covid aside.

Do you bite your nails? When I’m anxious. I haven’t had to do this for a while though, and I mostly did when I was in school awaiting a presentation I had to make.

Do you like the name Natasha? I used to like it when I was younger, but it slipped out of my favorites for no real reason at some point; it just did.

What's a food that starts with the last letter of your first name? Naan.

Does your house have a white picket fence? It used to, but we had them removed after a string of typhoons increasingly deteriorated their quality over the years.

Have you ever been given flowers? Sure.

Do you have a YouTube account? How many videos have you watched on it? I do. Is the second one a real question lol? I’ve watched thousands, as I’m sure most people who use YouTube have done as well. This is like asking how many tweets in total I’ve read on Twitter since I first signed up.

Do you know anyone who is really, really conceited? My mom can be one. She likes to act as if she can do no wrong.

Who’s the last person you told off? My manager at work. I did something she asked me to do and followed the instructions down to a T...and then she said I shouldn’t have done it? That kind of thing happens at work every now and then and it’s fucking exhausting. It’s like every move I make has its own script and the script changes every five minutes.

Are you optimistic? Sure, but not always.

How do you get to school/your job? I work from home, but under normal circumstances I would’ve been driving myself to the workplace.

Love or lust? Love.

Do you smoke cigarettes? Yeah, but I keep my use of it at an extreme minimum. I’ve only done it socially and I’ve only asked for cigarettes from my friends who have their own packs (and were willing to give me a couple of sticks, of course).

Have you ever been so mad at someone you hurt them? Like, physically? Yes, but it’s only because I was hit first.

Have you ever met someone you met online in person? This is on surveys a lot...yes. I’ve met several online friends who were once in the wrestling circle with me; and one time I bought a product from someone online so we had to meet up for that, too.

Have you ever not studied for a test and gotten 100%? Probably not a 100%, but close. I never studied for my Language exams in middle school because it was just literal English grammar, which I was already good at by that point.

Where is your boyfriend/girlfriend right now? I don’t have any.

Have you ever won a contest for public speaking? No, but I’ve joined one. I got a little frazzled by the middle of my speech (it was impromptu and I didn’t know my question until I got on stage) so in the end that cost me first place.

Are there any woods near where you live? Nah, it’s a private village so it’s super suburban and no hidden woods or forests anywhere.

What did you do today? So far I’ve watched 3/4 of an episode of Start Up, cried, washed my face, washed the glass that I drank soju from last night, and sat up in bed and continued this survey.

Have you ever considered suicide? Yes.

Do you have a lot of myspace friends? No. I never really used my account.

What was your favorite subject in grade six? Science was fun then. Partly because I could tell the teacher liked me, and partly because her method of teaching was big on memorization of terms and processes which was always more my speed.

Hot chocolate or coffee? I could go for coffee right now. Hot chocolate is best when I’m on vacation and having breakfast at a fancy hotel.

Do you like your neighbours? I don’t dislike them, that’s for sure.

Did you do something stupid today? Not yet.

Name a five letter word that starts with the same letter as your first name. Ripen.

What time did you go to sleep last night? Around midnight. That soju/Yakult combo knocked me out.

Did you have fun yesterday? It was an okay day, sure. I got productive and even drank for a bit last night just because.

How many people are online on your MSN/AIM right now?

Would you like to/did you drop out of school? No, that was never a part of my plans.

What was your favorite book as a child? If we’re talking kids’ books, I never got tired of rereading Corduroy and The Giving Tree. I also had a book of poems and nursery rhymes and I remember taking a liking for The Owl and the Pussycat because it was the longest poem in the book and it helped me train my English.

How far away does your best friend live from you? Both live around 20-30 minutes away, just in different directions.

Do you think you could write a book? A memoir, yes. Anything fictional, no.

Is it hard to tell someone you like them? Yes.

How many bedrooms does your house have? 4.

Do you know anyone who can't speak French? Nearly everyone I know.

When's the last time you brushed your teeth? Last night.

Are you the same religion as your parents? Legally. But I disowned Catholicism/Christianity a long time ago.

Would you do anything for a certain person? Yes, I would.

Do you know anyone in your science class? The last science class I took was a course on chemistry, and I only knew one person in that class.

Describe your room: Cozy, starting to get a little cluttered, big enough for one person.

Do you still write letters to Santa, even when you know he's not real? No, and I never wrote letters addressed to a Santa.

Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Nope.

Have you ever been lied to by a girlfriend/boyfriend? I’m sure she did.

Where is your dad right now? I can’t tell whose turn it is to make breakfast today, so he’s either in the kitchen cooking or in their bedroom watching TV.

Are any of your relatives pregnant? As far as I know, no. But I also haven’t been on Facebook in a while, so I’m poorly updated on what my relatives have been up to.

How many garabe buckets are in your house? I have no idea what this is talking about.

Would you want the truth if you asked if your pants made you look horrible? If I asked that then yeah, I obviously would want to hear the truth.

#survey #surveys

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theresnosafeharbor4myships · 5 years ago

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the Christmas Caryl I wrote for my Caryl Secret Santa @the-space-between1013 I hope this makes you do a happy dance. :D Merry Christmas!

Looking Up (also on 9L)

The night had turned into an unexpected party, and he blamed Judith.

Michonne, heading to check on those who had perimeter watch before night fell, had asked the girl to rummage through the attic for anything valuable—weapons, old gardening equipment, tools, winter clothes. She’d found a few sundry items: a pair of men’s rain boots, a hacksaw, electrical tape, some rope. And two boxes of Christmas stuff.

That last one seemed completely useless if you asked him, but with Carol’s help, Judith had enthusiastically dragged the large boxes down the attic steps, across the hall, down the flight of stairs to the first floor, and into the living where she unceremoniously pulled every item out, then laid them around her in display.

Daryl had watched surreptitiously from the dining room table where he sat inventorying and cleaning their weapons as Carol, sitting cross-legged in the midst of the holiday paraphernalia, patiently answered every single question Judith threw her way. What’s this do? (A nutcracker.) Where do these go? (A ball of Christmas lights.) Who’s this? (Rudolph statue.) What do you do with this? (Faux mistletoe.) And on and on it went. RJ had come out of his room when he heard the chatter and sat contently in Carol’s lap, playing with a miniature snow globe for several minutes before moving on to the next festive trinket.

“Can we put this stuff up?” Judith had asked excitedly, bouncing on her knees and peering around the room at the adults, her eyes settling on Michonne.

Having just returned home to the festive mess around the room, Michonne had looked at her deadpan but, seeing her enthusiasm, relented, smiling and shaking her head. “Who’s going to help you?”

And that’s how he’d ended up single-handedly stringing Christmas lights around the living room while Carol, Michonne, and the kids decorated the rest of the house.

He heard some commotion behind him, but he kept his focus on hanging the one strand of lights he’d already untangled. Standing on the arm of the couch in his bare feet, he stretched over the expanse of air above the end table to shove a pushpin into the wall and draped the string of lights over it.

Suddenly, music blasted through the air, and he nearly fell from his precarious stance. With one hand against the wall, he shoved himself back upright and stepped down onto the cushion and then the floor as the music—an impossibility—faded to a whisper.

“The he…ck was that?” he asked as his four housemates stood around electronic equipment.

“Eugene made it for me!” Judith enthused. “Now I can hear Christmas music!”

Michonne shrugged at him as Judith bounced up and down in excitement. “Found some music in these boxes, and she has a player.”

He nodded, less than enthusiastic, and plopped down on the couch to start untangling the next string of lights.

“Do you know these songs, Mom?”

“Yeah,” Michonne answered, looking at Carol for confirmation. “Probably most of them.”

Judith turned the music up to hear a man’s voice, low and breathy, sing. She stood listening for a moment before turning it down again and asking, “What’s a blue Christmas?”

Amused at the question, Daryl glanced up from his frustrating task to see Michonne smiling as she began explaining how colors could also describe emotions. His eyes darted to Carol, who’d found a place on the bookshelf for RJ’s snow globe, and his heart clenched.

He didn’t often let his imagination run in domestic circles, but he couldn’t help thinking this was the life she deserved. A warm home with friends and laughter, decorating for the holidays, a soundtrack of festive music, teaching kids about the fun things in life.

Her lightweight white sweater and blue jeans hugged her gently, and the low lamplight filling the room cast an angelic haze around her. He stared unabashedly for a moment, everyone in the room oblivious to him, and his heartbeat kicked up. She looked beautiful, happy. He could count on his fingers the number of times he’d seen her look so carefree.

She must’ve sensed his gaze on her because she suddenly turned her head and looked right at him, a questioning, gentle half-smile gracing her face.

He nodded once and felt his cheeks warming at having gotten caught, then turned back to the wretched ball of Christmas lights in his hand.

“Let’s see what other songs are on here,” Michonne suggested before switching the player to the next song.

A loud pop song, peppy and in soprano, blared from the speakers. “You’re here where you should be/Snow is falling as the carolers sing/It just wasn’t the same, alone on Christmas day.”

Judith started bouncing around. “Come on, RJ,” she called and held out her hands to him.

“Presents, what a beautiful sight/don’t mean a thing if you ain’t holding me tight/You’re all that I need, underneath the tree, tonight,” the woman’s voice rang out as the kids starting twirling around.

“Come on, Daryl!”

He looked up at Judy, stricken, as she motioned for him to join them. He shook his head, holding up a hand to wave her request away.

She took it in stride, bouncing around to face Michonne. “Mom,” Judy entreated, holding her hand out. “Carol?”

Daryl peeked up to see the four of them paired up—Carol and RJ, Michonne and Judith—bounding around, dancing.

“I’m gonna hold you close/Make sure that you know/I was lost before you.”

The lyrics played on, and Daryl couldn’t help watching the merriment in front of him. The kids danced with arms and legs akimbo, bouncing around with pure joy written on their faces. The women too, carefree and having fun, couldn’t restrain their smiles.

“Christmas was cold and grey/Another holiday alone to celebrate/But then one day, everything changed/You’re all I need underneath the tree.”

The music rang around them, the words holding him as captive as Carol did, his eyes never leaving her as she moved freely about, hips swaying, arms leading RJ around, an unadulterated smile gracing her face. She looked stunning, nearly taking his breath away as she floated on her feet.

“I found what I was looking for/A love that’s meant for me/A heart that’s mine completely/Knocked me right off my feet/And this year I will fall/With no worries at all/‘Cause you’re near and everything’s clear/You’re all I need underneath the tree.”

Though she didn’t see him watching her, the lyrics the woman sang made his pulse race. He’d spent so many holidays alone. While other families held parties and exchanged gifts, cooked feasts and lived out traditions, he’d spent most Christmases hiding, sometimes in his room or in a closet, avoiding his old man, or out in the woods away from all other human beings. It’d always felt safer that way…but not anymore.

Here he felt…different. Cared for, safer than he’d ever felt before. Which was saying a lot considering the state of the world.

And much of that was thanks to the angelic woman dancing around with a fatherless little boy. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, wishing with every ounce of his being that she was his, that the lyrics filling his ears and setting the wishes of his heart aflame told the story of the two of them.

“You’re here where you should be/Snow is falling as the carolers sing/It just wasn’t the same alone on Christmas day/Presents, what a beautiful sight/Don’t mean a thing if you ain’t holding me tight/You’re all that I need underneath the tree.”

Though grateful she was here, he couldn’t help wondering what it’d be like to be with her, to hold her tight. She’d already become the best gift he’d ever received—his best friend, confidant, sounding board, secret keeper, shooting-the-shit partner, protector and defender, and all-around favorite person he’d ever met. He wouldn’t mind adding to the list.

It would likely never happen though. They’d always circled each other, her the moon to his planet, her gravitational pull on him creating influential changes and lighting up the darkness. Irrevocably close, orbitally connected, but forever separated. What he wouldn’t give to change that, to venture into something more, explore uncharted territory, close the space between them, a collision of sorts that would irreparably change the forces felt between them.

But how? Knowing him, he’d likely destroy the symbiotic nature they’d settled into and send them into extinction if he tried.

No, it was better to leave things as they existed: safe, close, linked, comfortable. Except in moments like these when the longing he felt for her threatened to devour him from the inside out.

The verse repeated and, realizing he’d likely never get the opportunity to move beyond how close they’d already become, he turned back to his task, suddenly feeling melancholy.

“Again!” RJ demanded when the song ended.

“Let’s see what comes next,” Michonne told him.

Immediately, a woman’s voice started singing. “I don’t want a lot for Christmas/There is just one thing I need.”

“Ohh!” Michonne hollered above the din. “I’m karaoke’ing this one!”

With his elbows on his knees, lights dangling from his fingertips, he stared as Michonne, katana-wielding badass, grabbed a six-inch nutcracker statue, used it as a faux microphone, and belted out each and every lyric to the slow-starting turned rock-n-roll pop song ringing through the rafters.

Daryl couldn’t help huffing out laughs as the music progressed, Michonne twirling Judith around with her free hand, Carol and RJ rocking out with the uptempo’d song.

He also couldn’t help noticing the longing in the lyrics, apparently a common theme on the mixed music track. They did nothing to help the yearning in his heart as he watched the festive scene play out before him as he sat idly on the sidelines, just as he had for most of his life.

Michonne caught his eye a few times and motioned for him to join them, but he shook his head.

“Wooo!” Michonne exclaimed as the song ended, looking pleased with herself. “Who knew we’d ever karaoke again?”

“Your turn, Carol!” Judith exclaimed.

“Yeah, your turn, Carol,” Michonne echoed, handing the ‘microphone’ to her, a pleased smile gracing her face.

Carol looked at each of them in turn, waiting for the next song to start, her eyes lingering on him as a jingle-y pop tune started playing.

“I can’t wait to unwrap you at Christmas/You’re the gift for me/I can’t wait to unwrap you at Christmas/Under the Christmas tree.”

“Is this the Monkees?!” Michonne exclaimed as the music jangled on.

Carol nodded enthusiastically, singing only half of the lyrics with the group. “I can’t wait to unwrap you at Christmas. I don’t know the words.”

Daryl chuckled to himself, his eyes ever tracking the carefree spirits bounce around the room. Michonne and the kids held hands, forming a circle, and went round and round as though they were kids in a schoolyard. Carol sang considerably better than children calling out nursery rhymes, even if she made up half of the song.

“I’ve been waiting all year now, baby/For the snow and you to return/So I’ll hang the mistletoe and stand right here/Cross my fingers, hope I’ll get my wish this year.”

The thought of kissing Carol under the mistletoe, her dreamy eyes peering up at him in the firelight, sashayed through his mind as her voice rang out. His eyes flicked up just in time to see her gaze settle on him, sending his blood pumping hot and hard through his veins.

Though he knew she couldn’t read his warm and wayward thoughts, embarrassment flooded over him. He turned away to check on Michonne and the kids, who were now strategically picking places to hang a few boughs of fake mistletoe.

Damn all this love-dovey Christmas crap, he thought, his mood turning dismal at how easily he’d fallen under the spell of it all. Just untangle these lights—and then yourself from this whole mess.

“I can’t wait to unwrap you at Christmas/You’re the gift for me.”

Without lifting his head from the frustrating task in his hands, he glanced up at Carol still caroling. To find her staring meaningfully at him as more longing words fell from her lips.

“I can’t wait to unwrap you at Christmas/I dream of nothing more.”

His belly flipped, and he dropped his eyes to the knotted lights before him, swallowing hard. He felt his cheeks warm again.

Her eyes fixed on him didn’t mean anything. Couldn’t mean anything.

Could it?

Don’t be stupid, he scolded himself, shame sweeping through him at the notion she sang the lyrics to him instead of into the room. She’d never… She was just messing with him. She always did when she was in a fun and feisty mood.

“I’ve been saving all of my kisses/Just to spend them on your sweet lips/So I’ll decorate the place with light and cheer/Knowing Christmas day you will be standing here.”

He refused to look up, no matter how desperately he longed to watch her sing, see those words fall from her mouth as her eyes landed on him. His heart couldn’t take it. As it was, he could barely work the knots out of the string of lights in his hands; he’d never untangle her from his heart.

The song and Carol continued, but he drifted somewhere else.

And why would he even try? She’d acted as his lifeline for far too many years to undo now. No separation, no time apart, no diverging road had ever kept them from one another. But neither had any led them together, not the way he longed for. And that still confused the hell out of him.

How could he even understand what he felt for her? No one had ever burrowed into his heart the way she had. He’d never let anyone get as close to him as she had. He’d spent a lifetime keeping people away, and all he wanted was to draw her in, as close to him as possible, touch her skin, make her feel all the wild, wonderful, and confusing things he felt when she was near.

Damn it all!

He shook his head, chasing his daydream away. Which didn’t do him much good since she continued singing about kissing under the mistletoe.

He nearly groaned, forcing his mind to focus on the wretched lights in his hand. The kids deserved to have some fun, to see Christmas lights strung up and to decorate the house with Christmas merriment and to hear the upbeat songs that used to drive him mad when played in every store and to dance with Michonne and Carol. And where’d she learn to sway like that anyway? Had she always been able to sing?

He knew what the sound of her crying softly in the middle of the night sounded like, how far she could trek without food and water before collapsing, what she looked like after weeks without shelter, and how brave and self-sacrificing she became when someone she loved faced danger. But he didn’t know her favorite song or how old she’d been when they’d met or what kind of music she’d listened to. He couldn’t begin to guess whether she’d ever lived anywhere other than Georgia before they’d trekked north or how many siblings she’d had, if any, or what her hobbies had been or if she’d ever played sports.

“Aw, hell,” he mumbled to himself, realizing he couldn’t get his one-track mind off of destination Carolville.

Finally, the song ended, and the kids cried out for more.

“Maybe we should help Uncle Daryl with those lights. He seems to be having some problems,” Michonne observed.

Both kids hurtled towards him as the next song started, some bluesy, half-country, rock ballad. He gave the partially untangled end of the light string to Judy as Michonne bounded up to Carol, and they both began singing into the ‘microphone.’

“Take back the holly and mistletoe/Silver bells on strings/If I wrote a letter to Santa Claus/I would ask for just one thing/I don’t need sleigh rides in the snow/don’t need a Christmas that’s blue/Take back the tinsel, stockings, and bows/‘Cause all I want for Christmas is you.”

Holy hell, another one?

He didn’t think he could take another lonesome, aching, pining, desperate song about wanting someone, especially not with Carol singing the lyrics out, calling to his lonely heart with her siren’s song and melodic voice.

After instructing Judy and a less-than-helpful RJ, he glanced up at the apocalypse’s best duo to find both of them singing directly to their audience of three.

“I don’t need expensive things/They don’t matter to me/All that I want can’t be found/Underneath my Christmas tree.”

The confidence, joy, and passion with which they sang out made him want to stop and watch the performance, and he tapped the kids on their shoulders and motioned for them to pay attention.

“You are the angel atop my tree.” Michonne pointed to the kids and sang out to them, enthralled in the song.

“You are my dream come true/Santa can’t bring me what I need/‘Cause all I want for Christmas is you.”

A sax solo played, and Daryl watched as Carol, eyes closed, swayed to the sexy music, a veritable dream come true. He swallowed hard, his eyes never leaving her, and he was glad he was sitting down, the kids in front of him and tangled up Christmas lights dangling all around him or he might have made a fool of himself by vaulting up and across the room, pulling her into his arms, and letting her know how much the song and her voice singing it affected him, Grimes gang hanging around or not.

Suddenly, her eyes opened and found his, just as the lyrics picked up again, and she sang them out, loud and proud.

“You are the angel atop my tree/You are my dream come true/Santa can’t bring me what I need/‘Cause all I want for Christmas is you.”

Somewhere on his periphery, he was aware of the kids dancing again and Michonne singing, but every fiber of him was attuned to Carol as she stared seductively at him, pointing in his direction as she sang. The air around him sizzled and heat flooded the room, as though he stood in front of an open oven door, the warmth of her gaze rolling over his skin like fire.

“I don’t need expensive things/They don’t matter to me/All that I want can’t be found/Underneath the Christmas tree.”

The vocal growl she employed at that last lyric sent his heart pounding hard, and it took everything he had to remain seated, watching her sing to him.

“You are the angel atop my tree/You are my dream come true/Santa can’t bring me what I need/‘Cause all I want for Christmas is you.”

She repeated the last line a few more times, and each line, with every word, his blood pumped hotter. He knew he should look away—he needed to. But with his brain misfiring, his heart pounding like a drum against his rib cage, his palms sweating, every atom of him dialed in to Carol, he couldn’t move.

The song ended—all too soon and not quickly enough for Daryl—and the kids clapped profusely, exuberant and hyper. Michonne took a bow and Carol curtsied, both pleased with their performance.

“Thank you, thank you.” Michonne accepted the applause with a rare smile.

“Again!” RJ demanded again.

“No, I think that’s enough for tonight. Come on, let’s pack up this stuff,” Michonne indicated the smattering of unused decorations still gracing the floor, “and then it’s time for bed.”

The kids protested, arguing with Michonne, as Carol smiled, sultry and pleased with herself, at him before helping the kids and Michonne clean up the room.

Dazed, Daryl dropped his gaze to his task and mechanically finished untangling the strand of lights. Had it really taken him this long to try to get some lights hung up? She’d done that—that little performance—on purpose, and hell if he knew what she was up to.

She didn’t know what she did to him, couldn’t know that her little game of teasing had him wondering how he’d sleep tonight.

It’s a wonder I ever get anything done with Carol hanging around, he thought self-deprecatingly.

“I wanna help Uncle Daryl.”

“No, Uncle Daryl can finish the lights by himself. And when you wake up tomorrow, they’ll all be hung up.” Michonne herded the kids towards the stairs. “At least I think,” she murmured to him as she passed him, giving him a little wink.

Consternation crossed his face, and he glared at her as she bounded up the stairs, leaving Carol to finish shoving the boxes of Christmas stuff into the corner as he draped the lights around the other half of the living room.

He felt her presence as she moved around behind him, aware that they had the entire downstairs to themselves. He almost wished she’d offered to help Michonne with the kids. Or that he had. Instead, he felt desire oozing off of him, filling up the room and threatening to suffocate him, and he wondered if she could feel it too. If she felt even a fraction of the tension between them that clung to him like dust to the Earth. Or was she immune to it?

Daryl hung the end of the light strand and stood in the center of the room to inspect the fruits of their evening of decorating. The end tables and bookshelves, the coffee and dining room tables all held festive trinkets, from snowmen and nutcrackers to a nativity scene and candles. They’d done a good, if excessive, job, and the lights gave the room the final touch it needed.

Carol’s hand settled on his shoulder briefly before sliding down his arm, and every muscle in his body tensed up at the contact. He didn’t know how much more he could take.

“Looks nice.”

He nodded, unable to do much more than breathe. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her peer up at him, but he couldn’t face her, not right now. Not with every nerve ending raw and burning for her.

Carol bumped his arm. “The kids will appreciate this. They had so much fun tonight.”

His mouth upturned slightly and he nodded again in agreement. They’d given Judith and RJ a small glimpse of the Christmas happiness and wonder kids today would likely never again experience. He was happy to have helped even a small bit.

“Did you?”

He knew it was a mistake, knew he shouldn’t turn to look at her. Not with her standing so close to him. Close enough to touch, to see the dark flecks in her oceanic eyes, to trace the small smattering of freckles lying across her nose with his gaze, to see the fullness of her soft, smiling lips.

He knew better, but he faced her anyway, her pull on him too powerful to overcome.

“Yeah,” he murmured, his voice sounding softer than it should. If she only knew how much he’d enjoyed it, she’d run for the hills, far away from him, and never think to tease him again.

“Me too.”

Her guileless smile seeped into his heart, flooding it with love and a longing he didn’t know how to fight anymore.

“I noticed.”

Her eyes lit up even more, if that were possible, filled with hope and something else he was afraid to give a name to. “You did…”

He couldn’t tell if it was a question or a statement, and his eyes flicked to her lips again. She’d drawn him in like a moth to a burning flame, roped him in so methodically he was happy to burn himself up just to feel her warmth, to stay by her side.

“I was hoping you would.”

The admission fell from her lips on a near-sigh, the tuft of her breath reaching his lips like a distant kiss and not at all the one he wanted, but damn if it didn’t make him crave her more.

“Yeah?”

She’d reduced him to a simpleton; he couldn’t seem to form words.

“Yeah,” she confirmed, stepping closer to him, filling up his senses, invading his space, making him ache more than she ever had before.

“And you know what else?”

He didn’t, but he couldn’t even tell her that. She’d stolen the air from his lungs, the thoughts from his mind, the words from his lips.

She saved him from having to answer.

“It’s my lucky night.”

At least he thought she had. What the hell was she talking about? “Wha—”

“Look up.”

Her whisper made his knees weak, and he felt his pulse pounding, but he tore his eyes aware from her to peer up. At a bough of mistletoe, hanging merrily down from its perch above them, as though it’d been made for this very moment.

He swallowed hard, knowing what came next. What had to come next. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. God knew he’d fantasized about kissing her nearly every day for a decade, in any number of places, in every situation his mind could come up with. No, he had the desire part down to perfection.

What he didn’t have was experience. Or confidence. Or an idea of how he’d ever be able to walk away from her once he knew what her lips felt like beneath his, how she felt pressed against him, how his arms fit around her.

He knew this moment, ripe with the possibility of everything he’d wanted and couldn’t believe was only heartbeats away, waited for him to simply look at her.

“Daryl.”

His name on her breath made him finally, slowly, achingly, fearfully, soaringly, turn his face back towards her.

As he did, she moved into him, her hands grazing his chest as her arms slid up around his neck, and they came together slowly, tentatively, but full of want.

Her touch trailed tendrils of fire across his skin until heat and Carol were all he felt, a seductive combination he could only drown in.

His lips touched hers, soft, supple, sweet, and so intoxicating he felt dizzy, her presence the only thing grounding him. He felt her smile against his lips, and a groan escaped him, which had her pressing in closer, her body flush against his. She rose up on her tip-toes and he cinched his arms around her waist, holding her to him, holding her to keep from falling off the edge of the world.

He heard her hum against him, the vibration of her moan of pleasure both giving him strength to continue and making him weaker than he’d ever been.

He couldn’t care. All he wanted to do was never leave this moment, never stop holding her, never stop trying to show her how much he loved her.

Neither of them heard Michonne come back down the stairs. She stopped when she saw the two of them, happily wrapped up together and fully making out under the mistletoe she’d strategically placed around the room.

She smiled and turned off the living room light, leaving the two of them to explore each other by the soft glow of the Christmas lights. Apparently they weren’t the only things getting lit this year…

A/N: I took some liberty with a few of the songs, as a few were produced and sung in the past few years. Luckily, no one cares because I own nothing except for my ideas. :D The songs, in order, are Elvis Presley’s ‘Blue Christmas,’ Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Underneath the Tree,’ Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You,’ The Monkee’s ‘Unwrap You At Christmas,’ and Vince Vance and the Valiants’ ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ (which is not the same song as Mariah Carey’s).

#caryl #christmas caryl #christmas caryl 2019 #carol x daryl #daryl x carol #my writing #personal #looking up

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 6 years ago

Text

Secret Santa

Summary: The reader is participating in the SPN cast & crew Secret Santa exchange for the first time when she ends up drawing Jensen’s name...

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 4,400ish

Warnings: none

A/N: Written for a friend :) Enjoy!...

You yawned as you rested your head in your hand, watching the camera reset back into position, Jensen smiling from the other side of the table in the bunker set.

“What are you looking at goof?” you asked, smiling back at him.

“Uh, it’s the first day back from Thanksgiving break,” he said, still wearing that big charming smile.

“Yes, because we’re all overjoyed to be working a 12 hour day after having the past week off,” you teased.

“Oh, I forgot. You’re a rookie,” he teased right back.

“Rookie mistake?” asked your A camera operator.

“Rookie mistake,” said Jensen with a tsk.

“Rookie mistake, Y/L/N? I thought we knew you better than that by now,” said your B camera operator before the small crew in the bunker library was all sharing giggles.

“I hate working with all of you,” you said, biting your bottom lip when they started to laugh. “Come on, one more take and we all get to go home.”

“Rookie mistake,” said the boom guy, your jaw dropping.

“Oh, come on, Y/N. Even I know-” said Alex before Jensen held up a hand.

“Ah, ah. Don’t be spoiling nothing for the rookie, pup,” said Jensen with a smirk.

“If it makes you feel any better, I was rookie last year,” said Alex. “Also, I am so calling you old man from now on.”

“Old man can kick your ass, pup,” said Jensen. Alex opened his mouth but realized Jensen probably very well could. “Besides, let’s not ruin the surprise, hm?”

“You are such a tease. Every last one of you,” you said, pointing at them all.

“Duh. You knew what you signed up for in the spring,” said Jensen, getting a waving finger. “Yeah, yeah. Come on rookie and pup, let’s finish this up so we can get to the good stuff.”

You heard a knock at your trailer door as you finished packing up your bag to go home, slinging it over your shoulders before you pulled the door open.

“Hi,” said Jensen, standing there with a tired but friendly smile. “Heading home?”

“After the staff meeting. I don’t feel like we’ve ever gotten one at the end of a day. Is this normal?” you asked, grabbing your phone and car keys, locking up your trailer after yourself.

“It’s nothing to worry about. It’s a fun thing we do for the holidays around here is all,” he said. “I...the rookie thing wasn’t bothering you today, was it? I know we can take that stuff a bit far sometimes.”

“No,” you said, bumping his shoulder, giving him a smile. “I’m just a bit tired.”

“Tired? We just had a week off,” he said, adjusting his own backpack as you walked.

“My break wasn’t awesome. You know how family can be,” you said.

“Not particularly. My family’s always gotten along, even if we all are a bit weird and dorky,” he said. “I realize why you sounded so off in our phone calls now though.”

“I traveled all the way to Maine to deal with...sorry. We’re going to do something fun you said?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he said, throwing an arm over your shoulders. “Rookie.”

“Okay, this is technically my second season on the show so-”

“Technically it’s your first full season on the show. Guest starring end of last season don’t count. Rookie,” he teased.

“You’ll pay for that, Ackles,” you said, booping him on the nose.

“Oh will I, Y/L/N?” he said, moving his arm around to pull you in front of him, starting to give you a noogie.

“Jensen. Jensen Ross Ackles! You are at your place of work, young man!” you said, Jared snorting as you watched him walk past.

“This is the most professional he’s ever acted,” said Jared, squishing your cheeks together before he headed towards set, Jensen chuckling as he helped get most of your hair out of your face.

“Boys,” you said, grabbing Jensen’s arm when he almost tripped over a set of cables running on the ground. “Careful, Jay. It’s your turn to buy dinner.”

“Ah, I see why you keep me around,” he said, righting himself, walking a little more slowly across the lot over to the bunker set. You yawned and rocked back on your heels, ready for some dinner in Jensen’s apartment and followed by a hot soaking bath in your own before bed.

A good chunk of the cast and crew was there, everyone lining up and jotting something down on slips of paper before they tossed them in a big basket.

“Write your name down,” said Jensen when you got up there. You did as told, placing it in the basket and moving aside, the line finishing up quickly after you. Someone turned a big handle on the basket and the paper jumbled together, mixing it all up.

“Alright, ladies and gentlemen. The 2018 Supernatural Secret Santa has the same rules as last year. $25 dollar limit. Only one secret santa per person. Gift exchange will take place on the last day of filming this year, right before the winter break. Any questions, please contact Nina, one of our lovely costume designers or myself as we are heading up the exchange this year. Does anyone have any questions?” asked Chad. “No? Alright. Step up and pick a name. If you draw your own name, stick it back in and draw again. Alright let’s go. I got a Buffalo Bills game to get home to.”

“He’s a fan of the Bills?” you whispered to Jensen. “Seriously?”

“Take pity on him. He’s Canadian,” whispered Jensen. It took a minute to get the line going again but once it was, people were out of there, saying goodnight to each other once they got their names.

Jensen shoved his hand inside and quickly glanced at the paper he’d grabbed before shoving it in his pocket. He stepped out of the way, waiting for you. You were glad you were tired because you were pretty sure your face would have shown who you’d gotten.

Jensen Ackles

You folded the paper up and put it in your jeans, Jensen smiling when you caught up with him.

“Get someone good?” he asked. You whipped your head up, giving him a smile.

“Mhm,” you said. “You?”

“Yup,” he said, stealing your car keys out of your hand. “I drive, you run in and pick it up on the way home?”

“Did you order yet?” you asked.

“Just did,” he said, twirling your keys around. You passed Cliff and Jared on the way to your car, Jensen saying he was riding home with you. Occasionally he did get a ride in with you and sometimes he even convinced you to come in with him if you were on the same shooting schedule for the day. He didn’t often drive for you though and you wondered what was on his mind.

“Hey, Jen,” you said once your seatbelt was on. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” he said with a smile. You nodded, Jensen sighing.

“Just going home for the holidays...it can be a bit lonely, you know?” he said. “My siblings all have spouses and families and I’m the one crashing in my childhood bedroom by myself having my parents convince me I’m not a lost cause.”

“You know what you need right now?” you said, Jensen turning in his seat. You reached your hand out and traced a finger under his jaw, Jensen staring to laugh as you tickled him.

“Y/N, Y/N, I need to drive!” he laughed, squirming away until you finally relented. “I’m not even ticklish there.”

“Sure, you’re not,” you teased, scratching his jaw as Jensen chuckled. “I wanted to see a smile on that face of yours.”

“You always make me feel better when I’m down,” he said, smiling at you before suddenly turning away. “We should head out.”

After dinner at Jensen’s you headed down a few floors and to the other side of the building to your place, settling into your soaking tub, playing with some bubbles while you tried to think of what to possibly get him. A gift card was easy since you knew where he shopped and ate out. But it was impersonal and Jensen was your best friend. You were planning on getting him an actual Christmas present, had gotten it already, a pair of tickets to some pro golf thing where he could basically swing around clubs with the pros for a few hours and get some pointers. It sounded expensive but once you factored in the family discount your mom had swung for you with her friend, it was practically no cost at all.

You wanted to do something like that again, something he’d really love. All you kept thinking of though was stupid crap like an extra phone charger or heaven forbid, socks. You jolted up in the tub when your phone rang, quickly climbing out and grabbing it without looking.

“Hello?” you asked.

“Hey, Y/N,” said Jensen. “Just me.”

“Oh, hey. What’s up?” you asked, throwing on your robe and undoing the tub. You walked into your bedroom, frowning at the clock. “I thought you were heading to bed early, catch up on some sleep.”

“Um...I did. I...shit, forget about it,” he said. “Night.”

He hung up and you pouted, calling him back but getting no answer.

“Ackles…” you grunted. You threw on your pajamas and grabbed your key, heading up to his apartment, knocking more than a few times before it opened up.

“What-”

“You call me like that and then don’t answer? Of course I’m coming to check on you,” you said, walking past him into the dark apartment. He sighed and closed the door, rubbing his eyes. His hair was tousled, shirt a little off. “You were asleep before.”

“Yeah. I was just about back asleep too when you showed up,” he said.

“Well why’d you call me?” you asked.

“I had a nightmare, alright?” he said, rubbing one of his arm, pulling at the sleeve of his t shirt. “I just...I’m fine. I just wanted to hear your voice for a second. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“Do you want me to stay over tonight?” you asked.

“What? No, seriously, Y/N. I’m fine. I shouldn’t-”

“Jensen,” you said. “There was totally that time I freaked out over a noise and you spent the night in my apartment because I was scared.”

“That was different,” he said.

“What? Boys aren’t allowed to be scared?” you said.

“No, we are. I just…” he said, scratching his head. “You aren’t leaving, are you.”

“You have a guest room. I’ll crash here, okay? If you have another nightmare, I’ll come wake you up,” you said. He opened his mouth but you put your hands on your hips, Jensen dropping his head. You stepped over and gave him a hug, Jensen tensing at the contact for a moment before he relaxed and returned it.

“You were in an accident. I couldn’t save you,” he said quietly. You looked up at him, Jensen staring across the room, avoiding your gaze. “The nightmare.”

“I’m right here, Jay,” you said, giving him a smile, wrapping your arms even tighter before you leaned back, picking him up off the ground, and let out a whoof. “You are heavier than I thought you’d be.”

“Well put me down, goofball,” he chuckled. You shook your head and slowly waddled down the hall to his bed, Jensen laughing his ass off by the time you got there.

“We are so doing a piggyback ride next time,” you said, bonking his nose when he was set down, throwing his covers back on him, a smile on his face. “Night, Jens.”

“Night, Y/N.”

You woke up to Jensen shaking you awake, eyes flashing open.

“Morning,” he said sleepily. “You got a eight am call time. Better get downstairs if you want to be on time.”

“Yeah, thanks,” you said, stretching for a second before you rolled out of bed and stepped into your slippers. “Sleep okay?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly, a bit of color in cheeks that was barely noticeable. “Thanks for last night. I mean, making sure I was okay.”

“S’never a problem, Jensen,” you said, yawning as you walked down the hall. “I’ll see you at work later.”

“Later, Y/L/N.”

You were taking a break between scenes on Tuesday, heading back to your trailer when you saw an envelope taped to the outside of it.

Your Secret Santa

“Oh, this’ll be good,” you said, ripping it off and heading into your trailer. You tore it open, pulling open a small typed out piece of paper.

Y/N,

I’m your Secret Santa. I know you’re new to set this year but I feel like you’ve been having a good time working with us all. We certainly enjoy working with you. You’re not only very talented, but kind and humble as well, something you may take for granted but I don’t, especially in this industry. Your personality has been refreshing around here and quite honestly, I look forward to the times I get to work with the cute new girl. Here’s to figuring out the perfect gift for you.

From,

Your SS

“Oh my…” you said, a knock at your door making you shriek. You heard Jensen chuckle as you called him in, Jensen laughing when you pursed your lips at him. “You startled me.”

“Scaredy cat,” he said, hopping up on your kitchen counter. “What’s that?”

“This? This is a letter from my secret santa,” you said, handing it to him.

“Letters aren’t a part of the exchange,” said Jensen reading it over. “Oh. Sounds like your secret santa has a bit of a crush on you.”

“Well that’s obvious,” you said, taking the letter back.

“Are you freaked out or…” said Jensen.

“No, no. I’m surprised is all,” you said. “What are the odds that someone who has a crush on me would be my secret santa?”

“About one in two fifty?” teased Jensen. You rolled your eyes and took a seat. “You think someone’s messing with you?”

“Jared does like to prank me,” you said.

“Yes but Jared doesn’t pull pranks like that. You got an admirer out there somewhere,” said Jensen with a smile. “It’s cute.”

“Yeah. I really need to figure out my own secret santa though before I can investigating who has a crush,” you said.

“Need any help?” asked Jensen. You laughed, shaking your head.

“No, no. I can handle it. Want to run some lines?” you asked.

“Sure thing, rookie.”

Friday afternoon you got back to your chair at the end of your filming day, cocking your head at the green envelope sat in it.

“Oh, did the secret santa strike again?” teased Jared, laughing as you whacked his arm.

“Another letter? Lucky you,” joined in Jensen, collecting his things before he ran back to his trailer to change for another scene. You shoved your phone in your pocket and headed back for your own, tearing open the letter while you walked.

Y/N,

I hope my first letter didn’t startle you. I know you’re the kind of girl that’ll put on a tough face so I really do hope I didn’t cross a line. You’ll find out who I am soon. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that whole you’re cute thing since now you’re going to know exactly who has a crush on you and I won’t be able to deny it.

Forgetting my current embarrassment and most likely future rejection for the time being, I think I’ve found the perfect gift for you.

Have a great weekend, Y/N. You absolutely killed it this week.

From,

Your SS

“Wow,” said Jared. You jumped when you felt him right behind you, reading over your shoulder. “Poor dude thinks he’s already screwed it up just by calling you cute.”

“Jare, privacy?” you asked, folding up the sheet and shoving it back in the envelope.

“Oh, alright,” said Jared with a smirk. “I’ll just go on my merry old way then…”

“You know who it is, don’t you,” you said.

“Uh, duh,” said Jared.

“Want to help a girl out then?” you asked.

“Nope. I was given full permission to reveal I know who he is though because quote, ‘he doesn’t want to seem like a weirdo creeper’ to you,” said Jared. “Trust me, he’s the exact opposite.”

“Well you can tell him it’s fine. It’s cute, like someone leaving notes in my locker in school,” you said.

“I’ll be sure to pass it along,” said Jared, ruffling your head. “I’m heading home for the weekend. See you on Monday?”

“Have a safe flight,” you said, giving him a quick hug. Back in your trailer you worked on answering a few emails before you wound up hopelessly searching for Jensen’s perfect present.

Your secret santa had a crush on you and he’d easily found one for you. How come you couldn’t do the same for Jensen? Maybe you weren’t ready to admit out loud to him that you had a crush but deep down you knew that’s what it was. It was simple though, to write it off as having a good time with your best friend and nothing more. At least that’s what you’d been telling yourself despite all of the obvious signs.

Plus with this new crush out there, maybe this was exactly what you needed. It was probably one of the new guys this year, maybe Nate in production. He’d always been a little flirty in the breakfast line in the morning, sometimes showing you around the future set builds. He knew Jared pretty well and he was sweet.

“Rookie!” you heard, a loud banging on your door. You shut your computer and pushed away the thought, opening the door to find Jensen standing there with a cocked head. “What are you still doing here?”

“I was doing some work,” you said.

“It’s like after eight, Y/N,” he said. You closed your eyes, leaning your head back as the time had gotten away from you. “You work too hard, I swear.”

“I got distracted with thinking of the secret santa stuff,” you said, rushing back inside and flipping off the lights, grabbing your bag and locking up.

“Want me to walk you to your car?” he asked.

“Nah, I’m fine. You had a long day,” you said, nodding over to where his car was waiting with Cliff. “Night.”

“Night,” he said quietly. You shoved your hands in your pockets as you started to walk, a quick rush of footsteps behind you before Jensen was at your side again. “Don’t tell me you’re fine. I know you don’t like walking alone to your car at night so I’m walking you, alright?”

“Alright. I didn’t know Cliff was teaching you to be a bodyguard, Ackles,” you said.

“Hey. I got scared the other night and you were there for me. I got your back too,” he said. “Besides, you never know what hooligan’s you’ll run into on the trek to the parking lot.”

“Oh yes. Good thing I got Dean Winchester to kick some ass for me if I need it,” you said, bumping his arm. “You heading home this weekend?”

“Yeah. I got a flight at midnight,” he said with a yawn. “Be back in Texas just before six. You doing anything fun this weekend?”

“Nope,” you said with a laugh. “Unless you count watching TV and cleaning my apartment fun.”

“Maybe you can get your secret santa shopping out of the way,” said Jensen. “I’m already done with mine.”

“Seriously? How?” you asked.

“I didn’t overthink it like a certain someone,” he said. “Just get them a gift card and be done with it.”

“Maybe. I’m sure I’ll figure something out soon.”

Two Weeks Later

It was Thursday morning, the last day on set before the break started. You’d come up with absolutely crap all for Jensen, hoping to run out at lunch and find something before you gave him his backup present, a gift card for his favorite restaurant.

Your secret santa had left you a few more sweet notes over the past weeks and you decided that, festering feelings for Jensen aside, you were going to give your secret santa at least one date to see how things went.

“Hey, Y/N,” said Jensen, walking into your trailer as you were heading out to the store at lunch. It was strange of him not to knock and the look on his face worried you more than getting him the wrong present. “Do you got a second? I need to talk to you.”

“Sure,” you said, waving him to take a seat on your couch. “You okay, Jay?”

“I...here,” he said, pulling a card out of his pocket and shoving it in your hands. It was a christmas card, one that put a smile on your face.

“Thanks, Jensen,” you said, opening it, a plane ticket falling out. You caught it in your lap, glancing at him but he was staring at his own.

Y/N,

If you haven’t figured it out by now, it’s me. Jensen. I’m your secret santa. I didn’t plan for this to happen and I was a bit shocked when I pulled out your name but I thought, hey it’s a great opportunity. I knew immediately what I wanted to give you. A plane ticket to come visit me in Austin over break. I hated when we didn’t see each other that much over summer hiatus and I thought maybe you’d want to spend a week with me.

But you’d figure out who your secret santa was if I did that. But it was what I really wanted to give you and you don’t have to come down if you don’t want. So I figured once you would eventually find out who I was, why not man up and tell you about my obnoxious school boy crush on my best friend? I know you’re fully aware that I hardly ever make the first move, but it seemed easier to say I think you’re amazing in a letter somehow. The funny thing is, all those things I’ve said in these letters, I’ve told you in person before. But I don’t think you believed me. I really do believe you’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever known. Not too many people are like you, have a goodness in them and a genuine care for other people. You take care of me, Y/N. I can be a weird goofball in front of you and it feels so comfortable. I’ve never felt that with another person outside my family, definitely not in another person that I have certain feelings for.

I hope you do decide to come visit and you’ll give me a chance.

You lifted your head when you finished reading, tucking the ticket back inside the card. You stood up and grabbed the envelope meant for Jensen on your table, spinning back around to crash straight into his chest, Jensen trying to make a fast break for it.

“Hey,” you said, holding up your hands, giving him the card. “I was your secret santa too.”

“Oh,” he said, opening the card. “It’s for the steakhouse. Thanks.”

“Yeah,” you said, blocking his path out of the trailer. “I was thinking maybe tonight...we could go use that gift card on a date where you can tell me all about the stuff we’re going to do in Austin.”

“Really?” he said, everything so much lighter about him as you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around him.

“Yeah. See...I’ve had this crush on my bestie for a while too. But then this secret santa guy was sending me these sweet letters and I swore I was going to go on a date with him because he was too good to be true. But it makes perfect sense now considering it was you,” you said.

“You’re really going to come visit me?” he asked. You nodded, leaning up and pecking a kiss on his cheek.

“Sure am,” you said. Jensen smiled so hard his cheeks had to be hurting. He glanced down at your lips once before pressing his to them, landing a gentle kiss.

“Y/N you want-” said Jared, bursting in through the door, pausing on the step as you and Jensen turned to look at him. “Well. Looks like you two kids are having some fun so I’ll just grab lunch on my own.”

“You knew the whole time,” you said.

“Duh,” said Jared. “I can’t believe she never figured it out.”

“Figured it out when it mattered,” said Jensen. Jared hummed and gave you both a smile, leaving you be. “So...what time should I pick you up for our date?”

“Eight sound good to you, secret santa?” you teased.

“Sounds perfect, Y/N.”

#jensen ackles #jensen #supernatural #spn #jensen x reader #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #au #supernatural reader insert #spn reader insert #jensen x #supernatural one shot #spn one shot #one shot #supernatural fic

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supernoondles · 5 years ago

Text

2019

The last day of 2019 was also the day I fainted for the first time--a fitting metaphor for the year.

2019 was overall very emotionally taxing. This year was emotionally defined by falling intensely, deeply in love with someone (who is a very private person so I will try to be vague to respect that) and being in a lot of pain because of situations mostly outside of our control. There were a lot of intensely joyous moments, and a lot of intensely sad ones. Throughout it all I wish I had communicated better. I also made some bad decisions with another person I really loved and cared about that resulted in us growing apart. Do I think I grew from the experiences? For sure. Do I wish I could have come upon these realizations through a different course of action? Also yes. Am I fully healed from the experiences? Not really, but I've been getting better.

2019 was also very bad in terms of research. It was the 2nd year of my PhD. After I submitted my rotation project I basically felt stuck in the swamp of my advisors rejecting new project ideas for like literally half a year. This, combined with my high emotional volatility (partially due to starting birth control), made me really sad, unmotivated, and susceptible to self-blame. I definitely had high expectations for myself and became frustrated at my lack of progress and felt a lot of pressure from myself to get my shit together. I also felt incredibly bad after most advisor meetings and not supported by one of them to the point where I had to have a conversation with him about the lack of support (which was very scary)! Things started picking up, though, near the end of the year. I published a paper in collaboration with a former post-doc/now professor elsewhere whom I learned a lot from, and started finally building out another system. I also started mentoring an undergrad who at some point told me I helped him feel like he had something important to say and belong at Stanford for the first time and those words meant a lot to me. I think I'm continuing to refine what I value as research contributions and increasingly think about what it means to build systems that aren't used outside of the lab to satisfy the annual conference publishing cycle. I'm also starting to feel the pressure of doing work that follows a narrative rather than random projects that interest me.

Oh, I guess in terms of "program requirements," I did finish taking required classes, passed qualifying exams, and got a master's degree. But honestly those weren't hard at all nor do I think are externally valued in the larger research community, so I don't really celebrate them as accomplishments beyond surface level.

In 2019 I saw two different therapists. The first one was awful, I think directly influenced some of my bad decisions, and also didn't respect my gender identity??? The second one is a lot better and I'm grateful to see her, even if 90% of our sessions are just talking about my relationship (romantic/advisor) issues, which is something I want to move away from in the future. But I also feel incredibly privileged when relationship issues are the primary stressors in my life--I am grateful I feel equipped to handle other crap, like deadlines, and don't have to worry about my own health.

Those were the main things that have colored this year. We'll now move into the section of this post where I go through my photos to jog my memory of other events.

New years started a tradition of getting dim sum with Jasper, Matthew, and Michelle dear to my heart. My high school friend was also visiting and we all attended a really awesome new year's eve party. I was also going on a lot of dates and having a lot of good sex, which made me really happy, and at the same time crying all the time at work. In February I received probably the best gift anyone has ever given me and saw Panic! at the Disco, which I said in an end of the year group meeting was a good memory of my year (it was, to relive my scene days!). In March I roadtripped both to Marin (which I had never to been before, despite all my years in the bay) and LA for Wondercon; it was nice to both see high school friends and go on a trip with the boo. In April I went on a hike with my office which was probably the start of us all becoming closer (we are the social office in the wing now, which I take pride in! Also we draw a lot of Pokemon which warms my heart). In May I went to CHI in Glasgow and then to Paris afterward, and the entire experience was very weird and bad and also too many flights were canceled and/or missed and I vowed to not return to Europe for a while, but man do I love the noodles at Trois Fois plus de Piment. In June we hosted a double apartment party with my downstairs neighbors (side note: I am really appreciative of the place I live in, for the community, convenience, and large-ass space and will be really sad to be kicked out fall 2020) and I started a friendship important to me. I cat-sat for my advisor (the one who doesn't make me feel bad) twice. I went to Redwood State Park with my family and hosted a summer solstice celebration. Over the summer a friend I met in Paris back in 2017 moved in with me. I had a much needed escape from the bay to Seattle where I was reminded how abundant the world can be. I also went to Tahoe to celebrate my parents' anniversary, and really liked stumbling upon a smaller lake with a cheap boat rental. Then I became FOMO about the highly competitive Bay Area camping and did a last minute walk-in at Redwood Basin in Santa Cruz, which made me realize that I don't actually love camping (but was nice nonetheless). I ate an expensive meal at Commonwealth before they closed. For my birthday we made a friendship quilt and I served my favorite dish of cumin lamb but it was also 90 degrees in my apartment (I felt really bad and bought two fans afterwards). I started buying many cartoon frog plush after being gifted a $3.99 on sale Safeway frog (called Baby!). I went on Tinder dates (one of which was at a quaker yard sale marketed as Harvest Festival where I got a 1970s Kermit puppet for like $2) that largely went nowhere. My high school friend visited and we were both sad about break ups. I did Inktober before I went to New Orleans for a conference on Bourbon St where everything felt like it was coated in a sticky film of alcohol. I almost missed my flight home because I fell asleep in a sculpture garden but I had the most amazing Uber driver who snaked his way through traffic (oh and the flight was delayed by like 3 hours). I went to kind of embarrassing haunted houses and pumpkin patches over Halloween, but also had the most incredible bowl of ramen at Mensho. My whole office dressed up as Zootopia characters which warmed my furry heart. I spent like $120 on a Pokemon shirt. I started playing Arkham Horror and rekindled another friendship important to me. In November went on a road trip to Big Sur because again, I had to escape it all. For Christmas Eve dinner I roasted a duck for the first time (which was delicious). Shortly after I waited in line for 2 hours for a rollercoaster at Great America, which taught me the value of buying a fast pass because at this point in my life that money is worth it, and then waited 2 hours in line at the DMV to get a RealID (I had made an appointment, which was the fast pass).

Okay, now we move to the hobby section!

I got really into sewing in 2019, having received a sewing machine last Christmas. I made a Judy Hopps (which I wore to CrunchyRoll Expo) and Korok cosplay (Fanime), several unsuccessful garments, a crab bean bag, a dice bag, a fanny pack, and put hearts nipples on a jumpsuit.

Shows! I think I went to way fewer shows this year. The ones I can remember are Elephant Gym, Thom Yorke the night before I had an 8am flight, Carly Rae Jepsen over pride weekend (also, she is my #1 artist of the year, which makes a lot of sense given my emotional space), Mitski at Stern Grove, Capitol Hill Bloc Party (which was super lame, except for Lizzo, where I cried), and the National (which was a fucking surreal experience as they played on Stanford's campus, I was the only one within earshot of myself who knew the words to Crybaby Geeks, and then the white catalog moms came up to me after to thank me for singing the song).

I also started playing my own music! I started playing viola again for the first time in 7 years (lol) in both pop-up concerts with the Awesome Orchestra (one in Golden Gate Park, one at the Exploratorium) and a string quartet through my school. Sometimes I am filled with joy and delight. Other times interpersonal tensions run high and also I am very bad at being in tune. It's life.

Media! I really liked Mob Psycho 100 Season 2 and Beastars. I feel like those were the only notable anime I watched this year? I saw the Farewell three times--first in Seattle where I sobbed for like 1 hour after the movie, the second time with my parents, and the third where Awkwafina was present for a Q&A. I thought Parasite was incredible and Promare was OK. I have spent an unfortunately large amount of my time playing Pokemon Masters. I finally beat BOTW and completed my Pokedex in Shield like 2 weeks after getting the game.

Resolutions! In my draft of my 2018 end of year post (which I never polished and posted, sorry), I said my resolutions were 1. come out to my parents 2. draw enough to table at an anime con 3. be disciplined about paper reading and have a doc. I did none of these things!!! However, for 1, I feel like I am well equipped to have this conversation but am waiting for my sibling to do it first out of respect. 2 was just bad. I barely drew this year except for gifts. 3 was okay--I did have a large doc in the beginning of the year when I was looking for ideas, but as time went on I abandoned it (I also stopped reading papers, which I don't think you're supposed to do as a grad student...)

My resolutions this year are phrased as intentions (-(c) Matthew). They span several categories. Relationships: I want to open myself to and actively seek experiences of love, because I miss that. That being said, I will only date someone if 1. they have their life together 2. they love themselves and 3. they challenge me to grow. (I do think you can experience love without dating; the thing I'm after is love in an expansive sense.) Work: I want to do enough work so I don't feel guilty about not doing enough work, and also not berate myself for taking a long time to do things. Hobbies: I want to sew at least one thing a month. Chinese: I want to improve my Chinese, especially pronunciation.

Having written this 20 days into 2020, it's not been so bad so far. But I was also really happy in the beginning of 2019. Here's to no global maxima, a monotonically increasing year!

#noon's shitty end of the year summary posts #lol i never post on here anymore but i got 8 years of summary posts so i gotta maintain the tag u get me

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