#also the power went out while i was typing th
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Horror movie fans are so funny because you'll bring up the biggest actor who's in 10,000 iconic roles, and they'll go, "Oh, the guy from Blood Burger 4: Keep Flipping." and that's the only thing on their filmography that they've seen.
#i did not sleep more than a few houes last night because I keep trying to hack up a lung#also the power went out while i was typing th#oh its back#batty speaks#anyway this post is about me
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Why Blitzø Likes Stolas
I've made jokes about Blitzø liking Stolas bcuz his type is tall, rich, powerful demons with musical talent, and that's probably kinda true, but I wanna talk about the real reasons Blitzø likes Stolas. Tldr at the end.
I think one of the major reasons Blitzø likes Stolas is how kind, sincere, and affectionate he is. Stolas is always making sure he is okay and is very passionate about litterally everything he does (dramatic little bitch, lol). And while he's ignorant ("my impish little plaything"???), he does mean well. Taking Octavia to Looloo Land to make her feel better, Going full demon mode to save IMP, his attentiveness to Blitzø during his mental breakdown in Seeing Stars, him absolutely adoring Octavia, him helping Ozzie when he gained no real benefit, etc, etc.
Also, expanding more on the affectionate part, Blitzø is shown to not get much affection or love in his life at all. His family situation was a giant mess (his dad literally sold him for 5 bucks and a condom Jesus Christ-), and Stolas is a very loving and affectionate person. Obviously, this is shown with Blitzø, but also with Octavia ('my precious little starfire', always staying patient with Via, even if he can be a bit dismissive, going full demon mode when Blitzø said he lost Via), and even his plants (he raised the flesh-eating plant since he was a kid, he pets the plant, on his insta he called a puprle rose "a handsome little rose"). And yeah, he's going to be affectione with Via, that's his daughter, but in Hell, (or maybe just from Blitzø's perspective, it'a hard to tell honestly) that's shown to be a rarity. So obviously, he's going to admire that about him.
And also, compare that to Blitzø's life. His dad saw him as less than, something happened that made his sister hate him, his mom seemed to be a good parent, but she's dead, his best friend and former crush hated his guts for 15 years, his daughter does care about him but she also mostly just shows anger and annoyance with him, and even Moxxie, who'd I'd argue is his best friend, gets annoyed with him constantly (I would too tbh but this isn't about that). Stolas just being his loving and affectionate self and being so happy to see him and always being so sweet to Blitzø is like a breath of fresh air to him.
Another thing is that Stolas shows clear interest in the things he likes. Take horses as example, bcuz we all know Blitzø is obsessed with them. Most of the time, his friends are pretty passive about it, but Stolas actually indulges him. Some of this is from their instas, but Stolas got him a horse Hoodie, he draws horses with him, and Stolas even got inspired to draw because of Blitzø.
(Also, plz note that in another post he commented that it smells like Stolas, and I want everyone to appreciate how happy he looks in this photo while smelling it again)
Blitzø probably admires Stolas's theatrics as well because despite growing up in a Circus where you were supposed to be dramatic and showy, he was still always taught to ignore or hide his true emotions (Cash ignoring that he didn't want to go to the Goetia Palace because "MONEY"). And while Stolas was raised the same way, he still wears his heart and emotions on his sleeve and is always showing them, whether it be positive or negative
And we all know thst Blitzø has major self hatred issues, but Stolas was genuinely interested in Blitzø as a person. Laughing at his jokes, asking how his day went, and with all of this, you can't help but wonder if Blitzø was figuring out that he did too. I think that's why he was so heartbroken about Ozzie's. Because to him, Stolas hiding his face was just proof that Stolas didn't care. That he was just a little plaything. But, Blitzø liked that Stolas liked him for who he was, and that he didn't have to pretend to be someone different.
Yes, ik Blitzø wasn't here for some of them, and he thinks that Stolas is just faking all of this. BUT, Blitzø can notice things subconsciously, and the stuff that Blitzø wasn't there for was to talk about Stolas's character as well. That's why I wanted to talk about this, to talk about what Blitzø sees in Stolas and his character.
Feel free to add anything if you want! I'd love to hear your guy's opinions, takes, and thoughts on the ship. I'm probably gonna a make a post on why Stolas likes Blitzø at some point, lol
Tldr; Blitzø likes Stolas because he's kind, sincere, loving, affectionate, passionate, caring, dramatic, and likes Blitzø for who he is.
#stolitz#blitzo#blitz#helluva boss blitz#helluva boss blitzo#helluva boss blitzø#blitz helluva boss#blitzo helluva boss#blitzø#blitzø helluva boss#stolas goetia#helluva boss stolas#stolas helluva boss#helluva boss#helluva boss analysis#anaylsis#media analysis#helluva boss notes
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Through a ritual, your womb becomes a magnet. Nearby fetuses are drawn inside, and memories rewritten; those were always your babies, so far as everyone else is concerned. You cannot control it either, no matter how many or how far along they are, if they enter a certain range, you'll bloat with additional passengers. The question is now, what do you do with this power? What happens to you that is outside of your control? How fast will you become?~
I had fun with it at first. I did have my very own superpower after all. Not a super conventional one; it wasn’t really practical but it was mine.
It made me feel powerful. Each step I took, I rewrote history. My womb sucked in all the children within my 2-foot radius. My skin and womb was elastic and super strong, capable of storing as many as possible.
And I was prepared to have my belly written down in the books. 5 weren’t enough for, 6 weren’t enough, 7 babies were pitiful. I wanted above 2 digits and wanted to be world-famous for my size.
I quickly reached my goal. At first, it was a headache finding a preggo until I realized that clinics exist. In just one stop, I swelled with 14 babies under a minute. Everyone in the room lost their bumps.
Also, with my power, no one really registers my growth spurts. As I grew, as far as they knew, what happened was that this colossal pregnant person in ill-fitted clothes stepped into their clinic. The parents who lost their bellies got their memories replaced with the thought of them only being in the clinc to find out their chances of fertility.
Everyone was blown away by the bump and amount inside of me. The nurses of the clinic quickly rushed me to the nearest doctor. Clearly, I wasn’t the type of person they were used to.
My womb took in children, no matter how big or small they were. Babies that were just about ready where mixed with a few weeks old babies. With the spell placed over my body, the smaller babies are able to catch up with the older ones but that usually takes a while.
So, I’m constantly swelling. But I can tell the difference between a growing baby or a new one added. A new baby was always jarring. It shook my whole system, letting me know intensely. My belly quivers in a way that makes me register that this baby is foreign.
I was content with the 14 I was gestating. They were all I needed at that point. I planned on delivering them after I’m picked up by the news.
One day, it happened: I had to appear for an interview on live television -- because of my fantastic fertility -- but before that, I needed to get some scans of my occupants.
They wanted photos of just how many babies there were. They need the proof. And it would have been nearly said and done, but one downside to my power is that… I don’t exactly have control over how many I can take in.
If I’m in the proximity of any pregnant person, their babies are as good as mine — whether I want them or not.
An hour away from the clinic and I felt a new one drop in. People under 20 weeks were so annoying. It’s hard to tell if they were pregnant and they would make me accidentally take in their child.
When I arrived and walked into th building, an 3 extra got absorbed, which was no biggie. 17 babies is still an amazing headline and manageable for me.
But the further I walked inside… For some reason, I didn’t anticipate all the pregnant people there.
I swelled like crazy. Before I could sit in the waiting room, I collapsed to the floor due to the overwhelming increase in my gut. Everyone looked at me in horror and questioned how I even managed to fit inside the building.
I… I don't know how much I was carrying anymore. Could I even go into my doctor's office and check? The weight was too overwhelming. It was starting to crush me and I felt faint.
It felt like several earthquakes were going on inside of me. I was trembling all over. Before everything went back, I saw my own flesh starting to cloud my version.
I feel like I might make international headlines now.
#pregnancy kink#feeling really kinky ~ 😈#answered 💕#mpreg#nbpreg#fpreg#hyperpregnancy#pregnant fantasy
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dude i had a dream that we got another portal game where wheatley comes crashing back down to earth and somehow both him and chell end up in another dysfunctional science facility run by an angry robot, who went mad after a lack of proper maintenance and now runs the facility almost as bad as wheatley ran aperture, that they have to escape. chell fends up finding a very damaged wheatley, barely alive in a room full full of the facility's reject cores. chell uploads wheatley's consciousness to the body of an unprogrammed core, and they set off. during the whole thing, wheatley keeps trying to make it very clear that he's sorry for what happened, and does everything in his power to help chell out.
in the boss fight with the big guy, we see that he has he has somewhat of a humanoid frame, connected to the ceiling by the back with a bunch of wires and circuitry, and is red with rust, from living isolated from the rest of the facility, simply because the task of tending to him was too dangerous of a job for anyone, and the very few staff still alive in the facility had no idea how to shut him down.
his attacks were mostly melee in the first to second wave, utilizing a giant claw hand at chell, which would either try to crush chell by slamming it down from above her, swinging it at her from the side, or try to grab her by the head to crush her.
he would only use one ranged attack in the first to second wave, which were homing missiles that you had to throw back at him. think undertale mad dummy but 3d (you don't get a portal gun so there are some different mechanics, not really "portal" is it then?)
the third and final wave would add electric shock type attacks, big guy weaponizing his own decaying body in a pitiful attempt to take chell down. also lazers. lots of lazers.
chell would do the usual 'throwing the bosses projectiles back at them', while wheatley messes with big guy's controls while he's out to try and weaken him, accidentally making him stronger after the second time big guy gets knocked out.
if you manage to survive the last wave and take him out, big guy explodes, and an ominous 60 second timer comes on the intercom, along the lines of "central core discone-(garbled)-truct initiated in 60.. 59.. 58.." giving you just enough time to grab wheatley before the timer ends, which gives you an option between two endings.
if you chose to use the time to grab wheatley before making a break for it, the counter will end only a few seconds after you make it to him, and you get a sick ass parkour sequence with the facility crumbling and burning behind you as you make a break for the emergency escape pods. once you make it to the end, you get a cutscene of wheatley and chell riding the escape pod to the surface, having a bit of a heart to heart moment with wheatley, him thanking chell for not being mad with him, even if chell doesn't talk. well, you get the option to, by pressing space, (getting you an achievement called "it can talk!?")a little callback to the beginning of portal 2. you reach the surface, getting you the "forgiveness" achievent, and the game ends. congratulations on your marrige, chell
if you choose to leave without him, you can hear him worriedly saying things along the lines of "what are you doing? where are going?" before realizing you're leaving him behind and starts panicking. as the door to the escape pod closes, you get an achievement called "coward's way out" as you hear a distant "don't leave me, DON'T LEAVE ME!" further guilting you for being a greedy achievement hunter, you monster. In the escape pod, you get a whole minute of of uninterrupted silence before arriving at the surface, earning you the "you know what you are? selfish." achievement, before ending the game.
there would also be a shadow achievement where you do absolutely nothing and wait for the self destruct counter to finish, killing the both of you.
ok, most of this wasn't in the dream, i just started getting ideas
(edit: i just had the idea that chell was in a similar kind of situation to ratman, where she was an employee at this facility, working in robotics when uh oh spaghettios all her coworkers are dead and she's stuck in hiding from the giant robot running the facility)
#poot's feather and ink#portal#portal 2#portal chell#portal 2 wheatley#chelley#< kinda#i encourage anyone who's interested to write a fic about this
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☕how the writers delt with river song
SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP THEY DID MY GIRL SO DIRTY there are so many. good river song moments. and there are so manythat make me want to tear a strip off steven moffat like every goddamn episode with her they have to make some obnoxious sex joke or some Honey Im Home type shit & i understand this is like. A Moffat Theme & i dont always hate it but goddddd its so reductive like there is so much!!!! that could be done with her character !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is overshadowed by haha what if she was sexy like STOPPPPPPPPPPPP.
like silence in the library was a really good character lead in & i like her!!! as a character !!!! even the overly flirtatiousness unfortunately that would work on me but even aside from that. she is a good character let down but the sheer pull-it-out-of-your-ass writing of her backstory. like?? she could regenerate cos she was conceived in the tardis okay thats really cool much weirder stuff has happened when it comes to tardises & making babies but then WE SeE THIS FOR LIKE. ONE OR TWO EPISODES BEFORE THEYRE LIKE WHOOPS THAT DOESNT WORK ACTUALLY COS SHE'S DEAD UHHH SHE BETTER UHMM IDK SAVE TH E DOCTOR OR SOMETHING WHATEVER> COS HER ENTIRE LIFE HAS TO REVOLVE AROUND HIM. HASHTAG MARRIAGE AMIRITE like even the fact that her entire life was shaped around him isnt a Bad Idea it just feels like no one considered the tragic impies (implications) of this, & simultaneously doing amy so dirty in the process as well like??? she loses baby mels & then discovers she was her (never previously mentioned) childhood friend but then she uhhhh dies & turns into this woman you already know and them????? barely eveer mention it again???? holy shit?????????????????????? amy & river is a freaking horror story but one that the writers seem imcapable of dealing with because sOMEONE is too busy making obnoxious jokes about married life
a lot of thsi is specific to the General Vibes of the eleven era stuff as well which was in general so so weird about women & while its not like twelve or any of teh other doctors are expemt from this eleven is a massive dick to people quite a bit & a lot of this falls on river b/c he is seemingly (iirc i havent seen some of this stuff for a while though it Haunts Me) almost careless? with her? like a sort of 'welllllll she's here now so it was all okay in the end :)' sort of attitude ignoring that she went through A Fuckton Of Stuff before she was even a concious human(mostly??) being
even the husbands of river song is tragically guilty of some of that stuff like. she's seen some wild shit & she should have known it was twelve wayyyyyy way way quicker. like i understand why she didnt for plot reasons but she is in fact very intellegent like. she's allowed to show that. unfortunatley sometimes women cant be smart & have their boobs out at that same time I GUESSSSSSSSS
also the nine & river audios from earlier this year? i really like archipelago i listened to that a couple of times & i thought it was really powerful but AGAIN the writers make river So Fucking Obsessed With Romance like. you'd let it go by that point. nine had literally just proved he's the most aro guy in the universe (good for him) and shes stillllllll flirting at him. which. imo she wouldnt do anymore because, shock horror, she does actually like him as a person & values his company and you would think you would be friends wit hthe guy YOU ARE GONG TO MARRY OR WHATEVER. NOT THAT THEIR MARRIAGE WAS PARTICULARLY ROMANTIC EITHERIM GONNA BE SO REAL. obviously sex is important to her & good for her but yikes. it doesnt need to be mentioned so often.
like its the whole 'inherent tragedy of waiting for a time traveller' stuff which i do eat up every time meeting her in silence of the library & knowong that there is so much more there - VERY COMPELLING !! really good character intro augahagaauuaajaaajahhahahahhhh but nooooo her Entire Fucking Goddman Life has to revolve around being manipulated & The Doctor AS WELL AS !! the completely uncalled for ohhhh im a PSYCHOPATH ( <- unfounded & demonstrably untrue lowkey this is saneism right. thats an ableism there yes? ) thing they alllwaysssss have her say like well!! shes not !! theres 'youre talking about commiting a murder'/'no im not, i'm actually commiting a murder' which i like & is funny & she would say that and then theres teh vauge oooohhhhh im so Freaky & I Have A Gun or whatevr like augsugsaihuahahaouoauauoouauoauoauoauuo
also twelve & river had freaky t4t bi4bi aroallo sex after the end of husbands of river song but no actual dw writer is enlightened enough to see that because they have to flatten her into The Doctors Wife & she would have had a far better dynamic with 12 than with 11 (not that i'm biased) i wish they got more time togetherrrrrrrrrrr also you should listen to the bekdel test (diary of river song audio with missy)
#tldr river song is a character i love very much however she had the grave misfortune of being written in the mid 2010s by steven moffat#anyways. sorry yikes this got long im so sorry i dindt realise i had this much to say. wow#doctor who#thanks for the ask!!#this is not. very flattering of elevens era if are are emotionally attached to him you may want to skip this one <3#jordan tag :D#river song
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Perhaps I am a bleeding heart but it makes me so sad the Sirens are beating up Punchline. You’re telling me a group of women who’ve been through tons of trauma related to abuse (both childhood and in relationships) and wouldn’t immediately clock Punchline as someone in need of desperate help? Like yeah okay she’s an asshole but they were all assholes at one point or another. What happened to girls supporting girls :(
I mean, I getcha, but Punchline was kinda doing the exact stuff that they'd have an issue with in this story lol they clocked onto who was in need of desperate help in this story, and it very much wasn't Alexis.
She was the causation behind Jaina needing help. Why would they offer a hand to the woman who caused all this in the first place? One who's not, and will not, apologize for what she's done, has shown no regret or second thoughts about her actions, and who would kill each and every one of them if given the chance?
Girls supporting girls is the Sirens supporting the woman Punchline was going to, with no hesitation, use as a prop to kill for her elite billionaire subs enjoyment.
And the whole "lets send em to Arkham for the help they desperately need actually" is more Batman's vibe skdjsks
She used Ivy's pheromones without her knowledge. She abused animals. She called Harley a slur.
Not to mention, but none of the four of them are at the point narratively wise where it would make sense for them to try to reach out or for her to accept their support. She doesn't like them and the feeling is returned.
Alexis has personal beef with Harley, she already had a grudge against her before she'd even met her cause she's a damned Joker groupie,,, she knocked out Selina during The Joker War (regardless of the questionability about overpowering her so damned much during her first appearance )
And they've had numerous run ins during Selina's comic that've only continued to sour the dynamic.
And while Ivy hadn't encountered her personally before this story, she did know Alexis is responsible for burning down the Eden she handcrafted for Harley, she slit Harley's throat & had her dumped into the sewer to die.
And then in this story Ivy finds out she synthesized her powers for personal profit.
Minutes before the Sirens got the upper hand, they were essentially baking alive inside a cell Alexis had them locked in.
And I don't think Punchline has that shared trauma type you mentioned? It's something that I think can help tie the Sirens together and find a common ground of understanding between one another,, even when all of their personal goals and motivations are different there's a level they'll come together at.
But, pls correct me if I'm wrong !!! I've seen nothing yet that indicates that that's something tied into Alexis' character. Even her relationship with Joker at this point, which is very on & off, hasn't went to that level that I'm aware of. We've had the scenes between her and Harley in The Joker War but those are warnings from Harley about how this will end, not necessarily representative of the current stage Alexis is at.
Alexis was also incredibly, beyond victim blamey during their encounters. I get why she was the way she is, she's bought into all his bullshit hook line and stinker. But she was wrong. And we all know it. We all know she was talking about shit she doesn't know jack about, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't have effected Harley to hear.
The Sirens are going to hold a grudge. That's understandable. It's also important to keep in mind that Alexis is a very new character so she's very early into her development, there's a definite chance one day maybe 15 years from now where she'll have improved a bit and be on level with them, I hope she gets that cause no one deserves to be stuck with that crusty loser haha
But she's very much in her Deep Rooted Villain arc rn skdjsks there's also a chance that she sticks to being a full time female villain in the gallery to take up part of the place the Sirens themselves leave open and is never on anything close to good terms with them.
And she called Harley a slur.
An actual literal slur. Harlivy especially is not going to play nice with her when she's called one half of their relationship a (very likely) homophobic slur. Selina wasn't here for this, but at the end all of them are aware cause Harley's mentions it again.
She's gonna get beat up by three gays for calling one of them a slur that's just the karmatic balance of things skdjdkks
Batman (2016) #93, #96, #97, #98
Gotham City Sirens (2024) #1, #2, #3, #4
#harley quinn#harleen quinzel#dc comics#poison ivy#pamela isley#selina kyle#catwoman#tw clown boy#tw abuse mention#tw blood#tw animal death#punchline#alexis kaye#♦️ asks ♦️
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8 Legendary Old Hollywood Redhead Actresses
I love Old Hollywood movies and television shows. There is a class, elegance, a distinct type of storytelling that is usually not seen in today’s movies. While most of the iconic actresses from the era were blonde or brunette, there were a few redheads who stood out
Maureen O’Hara
The late Maureen O’Hara was the physical embodiment of the redhead. Irish, feisty, intelligent and with a very sharp tongue, she was one of the few actresses of the era to successfully break into the boys club action/adventure genre. She held her own on and off the screen with co-stars John Wayne, Tyrone Powers and Anthony Quinn in several movies. She also helped future generations of female performers by stretching the boundaries of what an actress can do on screen.
2. Deborah Kerr
At first glance, one might think that Scottish born Deborah Kerr was the proper British lady. But underneath that mask was a capable actress who played a variety of roles. Her most famous roles are An Affair To Remember (opposite co-star Cary Grant) and From Here To Eternity (opposite Burt Lancaster, where she chopped her hair off, went blonde and spoke with an American accent).
3. Ann-Margret Olsson
To the red-blooded American male in the 1960’s, Ann-Margret was the embodiment of the era. The Swedish born performer is mostly remembered for playing opposite Elvis Presley in several films and the average teenage girl who meets the ultimate teen idol in Bye Bye Birdie. She also has the distinction of being named as the 10 th sexist stars in film history in 1995.
4. Myrna Loy
Montana born and raised, Myrna started her career just as Hollywood was transitioning from silent films to talkies. While her initial roles were those of the femme fatale, in the 1930’s she became famous for playing opposite William Powell in the Thin Man movie series as Nora Charles. During the mid-1930s, Loy was so popular that she was named Queen Of The Movies in 1936.
5. Carol Burnett
For many female performers and comedians, Carol Burnett is an icon. Her major breakout role was the in 1959 in Once Upon A Mattress. Between 1967 and 1978, her comedy show, The Carol Burnett Show was one of the most popular shows on the air. In an era when female performers were relegated to supporting roles in other comedy/variety programs, Carol Burnett not only had her name on the title of the show, but she showed how funny women could be.
6. Rita Hayworth
This well-known redhead started off as a dancer and later was noticed in a 1941 film starring James Cagney, The Strawberry Blonde. She soon became the ‘pin-up girl’ for servicemen during the war and became extremely popular after the 1946 film, Gilda. Her character, opposite Glenn Fora, was seductive and glamorous.
7. Susan Hayward
Born in Brooklyn, this iconic redhead scored the first of five Academy Award nominations for Best Actress in Smash-Up, the Story of a Woman, in 1947. She finally won an Academy Award for Best Actress in I Want to Live i n 1958, portraying a death row inmate, Barbara Graham.
8. Lucille Ball aka Lucy Ball
Lucille Ball is the definition of a classic redhead. While she may not be a natural born redhead (she was naturally blonde!), she had the fiery personality and wit to rock her red hair — and I am proud to call her a redhead. I Love Lucy paved the way for many women comedians, both on and off the screen. She proved women were just as capable behind the camera (as she was responsible for creating the show), as they were in front of the camera.
=============== As per special request by @ironmikie2002
#classic redheads#maureen o'hara#deborah kerr#ann-margret olsson#myrna loy#carol burnett#rita hayworth#susan hayward#lucille ball#lucy ball#sexy#gorgeous#not me#redhead#world of reds#ginger#worldofreds#girl#feminine#famous reds#reds rule#actress#performers#ironmikie2002
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A lot of people say this, but many of them are not the type of people who it's safe to open up to.
What a lot of people don't realize is that suicide is not a light switch. It's often caused by pain that seems survivable at first but over time slowly gets more intense or slowly gets less hopeful for the pain to end. At what point during that timeline is someone considered suicidal? At what point should they open up about it? What happens if they open up too early and it ends up being a false alarm and they worry people for nothing, get accused of exaggerating, or get involuntarily committed to a hospital?
Also, many suicidal people could easily save themselves if they understood exactly why they were suicidal, which means that helping them requires acknowledging that their experience is difficult to explain and not jumping to conclusions. But many people who say that they want to help are often the first to jump to conclusions.
I was suicidal because of a party I was at where someone went out of his way to make it seem like I was bothering anyone I tried to talk to. This would have completely thrown off my ability to read people and made me feel like the world was a better place for people like him than for people like me, which would have been deadly when the pandemic started and the painful memory was combined with the loneliness of the pandemic. Thankfully, when I was about to leave that party, two of my friends reassured me that they loved me and wanted me to stay there. They saved my life. But before I understood what happened, I had very powerful feelings for one of those friends (even without consciously thinking about that party). At first it felt like just a crush, but it was so powerful that I could die from it. The feelings I had for her made perfect sense after I realized that she saved my life, but before then it felt like I had an unhealthy obsession with her. So I tried everything I could think of to get my mind off of her, and nothing worked. Being autistic made it much harder, because understanding my emotions and connecting with other people is much harder for me than it is for the average person.
One time, when I was stoned and saying random things to my sister and my mom, I ended up mentioning how traumatic my experience was for me. In an attempt to explain how traumatic it was and how I had to force myself to do things that my brain was not meant to do, I said that after what I've been through I'd probably be able to solve the feud between my other sister and my cousin.
At no point did I plan to do anything, or think it was a good idea, or want to do it, or think it would be easy. I simply mentioned that as a random hypothetical scenario as a comparison in order to illustrate how difficult my experience was. But my mom and my sister started yelling at me. They went back and forth repeatedly yelling "No" at me, probably about five times each separated by a few seconds each time, while I was sitting there silently trying to figure out what was even happening.
They knew that I have a disability that makes confrontation difficult for me, and they also knew that I was stoned at the time and barely able to hold onto a thought for more than a few seconds. They knew that anything I said was just words put together, and that I was unable to make any sort of plans at the time. But that didn't matter. They still felt the need to massively overpower me just because I mentioned something once that they added a hidden meaning to. For some reason, they just had to interpret "I probably could do this" as "I insist on doing this and I dare you to stop me". And on top of that, explaining why they didn't want me to do it (or what they thought "it" even was) never crossed their mind. They just saw something that seemed like an opportunity to gang up on me and they jumped on it.
And because of that, I could no longer open up to them. I was going through something that was nearly impossible to explain on so many levels. And they showed me that if I open up to them, my first priority has to be analyzing what I say in advance to make sure they don't attack me for it. I was already burning myself out by doing an amount of thinking that my brain was never designed to do, and they made it so I had to do even more thinking in order to stop them from making it worse.
But they're the type of people who would share this photo. They're the type of people who society considers compassionate. They're the type of people who would call themselves "empaths". They're the type of people who would "feel bad" when someone commits suicide. But they're also the worst type of people for any suicidal person to open up to.
If you want suicidal people to open up to you, you have to be a safe person to open up to. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't add hidden meanings to what people say. Don't lock in what people say. Don't try to take over a conversation about other people's experiences. Don't expect to be obeyed. Don't expect quick responses. Don't be more forceful than informative. Don't wait for people to be suicidal to start showing them compassion.
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Bane's Opinions on MAMIYA DDD
Ok so I finally finished playing MAMIYA DDD and there is so much to unpack! I have been waiting for a year and now after reading through all of the events, I have gathered my resolve to talk about my opinions on it. I'll talk about Doomsday and Daydreams first before Mamiya and Natsume. DOOMSDAY I wanted to get Doomsday out of the way cause beforehand I did see some spoilers containing Minato's route and I wasn't too comfy about it (I hate Mayuri and Minato and tbh it was fucked up as it was). But I'll start off with Minato- and I know that doomsday crosses over with Haruki so some bits remain the same but it's easy to get through.
Minato: I liked reading Minato's route, It does focus on his identity as himself and as "Mina" and that it's about accepting himself, while also confronting Ni'igaki about his experience and that he won't run away from her and face her up front. He's become a much more stronger character and I really enjoyed it, I also did enjoy the part he meets with Yumehisa and Mina together. It was just really sweet and a wholesome moment. That was pretty memorable to me. I liked his character development a lot, he was the type to fall apart if no one could accept the way he is. Dressed up as a girl to continue acting the role of spreading happiness to everyone and even when he is exposed he runs away from it, but he faces it again when dealing Mayuri. Throughout the story, he finds himself, discovers "Mina" and learns to accept himself and face his fears and fight against Ni'igaki. It was a really strong and powerful arc for his character and I think it was a good choice. (I love and care for Minato so much you have no idea!!! But I am really happy with the ending and that I believe in him!) Haruki: It was straightforward but from his point of view. It was an enjoyable experience to go through his route as well. I like Haruki's character a lot, He's the rough looking character with a hard exterior but he's actually genuinely kind and soft. When he meets Touma again, he deals with his family issues and the reason why Haruki isn't able to love anyone cause of something he said in the past that made their family split apart. Though he learns to be more opened about himself and that he is capable of being loved by someone (Minato) and it improves himself as a character, where he takes control over his life and deals with things properly. He then was able to face Touma head on and settle things about their family problem. It genuinely was an enjoyable experience to read.
DREAMSDAY Ok so this is where lore of Keito comes in and an epilogue explaining MAMIYA's existence as well. It was straightforward and to the point, I still don't get how Keito is in the wrong timeline...but It is assumed he just ended up in 2012 cause the years were mixed together with 1999. Aside from that it was enjoyable, and holy fuck this route was more fucked up than I expected...
Ryou To be honest I was a lil confused with the whole Karma thing but it started making sense as the answers were given. The whole thing about Keito's death is so messed up, especially the fact they were making Ryou become MAMIYA was just insane. I love Keito so much that he wanted to protect Ryou at all costs and it was so sweet. It further developed that Ryou, who appeared in the timeline of 1999 wanted to be in a future together with Keito and he also went to save him as well and lead him back to his original timeline 2012 and see Keito alive (He is around 28 years old in the year 2012). Then up against Samejima they were interesting as both of them, tend to fall into their violent tendencies they fought it out to resolve their issue. It was a satisfying ending.
Keito I think Keito's lore was interesting although between the two timelines I'm not so sure which one is supposed to be canon Keito, aside from that. They don't entirely exist since he's perceived much more older after the Karma had been fixed. But anyways I like that it explains from his perspective before and after the Karma, I also did like that he was very close with Yumehisa and that for Keito to stay alive in this current timeline. That is how all the MAMIYA's (pink house) also disappeared. But it was very enjoyable to read his POV and I think it was pretty much the core to the story that leads to Side: Mamiya and Natsume's death.
then there is DOOMSDAYDREAM
I am a lil mixed with it but I think the way it ended was a lil satisfying enough, We had a lot of MAMIYA and Yumehisa lore and it was good for the story! But I sort of wished there was more for Natsume, reason why he was looking for MAMIYA. Why he died in the forest, and I kinda wanted to see baby Natsume...It would be nice if we had more backstory abt the way he perceived the world through his eyes, but all it did was get straight to the point. Let Yumehisa take over Natsume's work and Natsume proceeds to sacrifice himself for the sake of saving his friends and granting them a happy ending. It also didn't go in depth about his death at all, which I thought was the main point but oh well....we get a simple answer and that was he died because of a heart failure.
It was left with a cliff hanger as Yumehisa becomes a spectator and directs Natsume's story to a happy ending. I do also wonder if he may die at the end as well but...man...I didn't feel satisfied cause it was left for the audience to assume that Yumehisa will grant them all happy endings. AND THEN THERE IS EX- And tbh Idk what I was expecting...I thought it was gonna be important to the main story but no- it was a just a WHAT IF and Idk....I was really confused with the way it was supposed to go. All I understood was that Natsume snapped because of Yumehisa, he killed all of his friends and he had nothing. All he wanted was revenge and basically he just becomes a villain and kills off everyone, it's just so out of character. (Someone could you explain what the fuck EX was supposed to mean- but it wasn't that important so I discard that)
that is all of my opinions of the routes of Mamiya! They were heavily spoilery so I don't want to add in the tags. But I loved reading through DDD and it was nice, I feel a lil empty though after the finale but I assume that Yumehisa was able to fulfill Natsume's wish and set things right. Thank you for reading this long ass blog hahah!
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Died With a Hammer in His Hand: Unpacking the Myth of John Henry
“John Henry said to his captain: ‘You are nothing but a common man, Before that steam drill shall beat me down, I’ll die with my hammer in my hand.’” — “John Henry, the Steel Driving Man,” recounted by W. T. Blankenship
John Henry is one of America’s most well-known mythic heroes, immortalized in song, statue, postage stamp, and multiple movies (including a 2000 Disney animated short film which I vividly remember watching in elementary school). But if you’re unfamiliar with the legend, here’s a brief summary.
John Henry was a freed slave who found himself working for a railroad company in the years following the Civil War as a steel driver. His job was to drive a steel spike into rock so that dynamite could be placed in the resulting hole, thus opening up a tunnel through the Appalachians.
John Henry was the best on his crew, and he took pride in his work—so when a white salesman brought in a steam-powered drill, claiming that it could drill better than any man, he decided to challenge that claim. Henry entered into a contest with the machine to see who could carve out the deepest hole in the mountain in a single day.
His victory cost him his life.
Henry’s wife—sometimes named Polly Ann, sometimes named Lucy, sometimes not named at all—went to visit him on his deathbed that evening. In many versions of the ballad, Henry’s last words are a request for a glass of water. In other versions, he asks his wife to be true to him when he’s dead, or to do her best to raise their son. Many accounts say that he’s buried by a railroad, where “Every locomotive come roarin’ by, / Says there lays that steel drivin’ man” (lyrics from Onah L. Spencer).
Bronze statue of John Henry near Talcott, West Virginia, sculpted by Charles Cooper.
The general consensus among historians now seems to be that the ballad of John Henry is one such legend that has its roots in historical fact, although the particulars are long obscured by the centuries that have since passed. Henry was born into slavery in the 1840s or 50s, either in North Carolina or Virginia (some accounts of the ballad lend credence to the latter claim). As for how John Henry found himself working for the Chesapeake & Ohio Railway company, University of Georgia history professor Scott Reynolds Nelson posits in his book Steel Drivin’ Man that the man was sentenced to ten years in a Virginia prison for theft at only nineteen years of age, and that he was among many prisoners leased out by the state for labor.
Did you know that the 13th Amendment makes an exception for slavery which is used “as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted”? (This practice continues to this day, and has become an industry worth tens of billions of dollars. Louisiana State Penitentiary, also known as Angola or simply “The Farm,” is a good place to begin if you’re wanting to look into chain gangs further.) John Henry the legend was a free worker who took on the backbreaking, often dangerous work of railroad labor under his own power and could demand any wage for his work, but John Henry the man may have lived and died in neoslavery.
Speaking of Henry’s death, most retellings of the myth say that he died of sheer exhaustion. Some add in the detail that it was his heart that gave out because he worked himself too hard. However, alternate theories have been proposed for how the man died. Some historians say it was a stroke that killed him, while others posit silicosis.
It’s this latter hypothesis which I find most intriguing. For those who aren’t familiar with it, the American Lung Association describes silicosis as “a lung disease caused by breathing in tiny bits of silica, a common mineral found in sand, quartz and many other types of rock.” It’s been an occupational hazard for construction workers since, well, the time of John Henry. What I find interesting are the implications for the narrative if the real Henry died of silicosis. In the folk ballad, Henry causes his own death by working himself too hard. On the other hand, the ones at fault if the man died of silicosis would be his employers—the ones responsible for the dangerous conditions he worked in.
So why would John Henry’s cause of death change during the transition from fact to legend?
The answer, as with many other fictionalized accounts of historical events, is that it simply makes for a more effective story. But not just that—a more effective message. So what might the ballad be trying to tell those who listen to it?
First, let’s think about who this song was sung by and for. The ballad of John Henry is a work song, its rhythm meant to help railroad workers stay and strike in sync, in the same way a drumbeat helps soldiers march in step. It’s been sung by railroad workers, miners, construction workers, chain gangs, and country musicians. At its core, then, the ballad is a song of and for the American working class—specifically those people doing the same sort of backbreaking physical labor as John Henry himself. Many of these laborers would have been Black, and likely former slaves—especially when it came to Southern chain gangs. (See my above note about how American slavery was only mostly abolished, and then think about why the U.S. has one of the highest incarceration rates in the world. . . but I digress.)
An oil painting of John Henry by Frederick Brown.
We’ve established that John Henry is a hero for working-class Americans during the time of the Second Industrial Revolution. But what sort of hero is he? Is he like Achilles, a paragon of his country’s values and an example for the audience to aspire to? Or is he an Icarus, a cautionary tale sung so the audience won’t repeat his mistakes?
The answer depends on who’s telling the story.
Onah L. Spencer is the source for one version which emerged from a Black community in Cincinnati, Ohio. When he recounted the lyrics to Guy B. Johnson for the latter’s 1929 book John Henry: Tracking Down a Negro Legend, he also stated that the song was used to motivate workers: “. . . if there was a slacker in a gang of workers it would stimulate him with its heroic masculine appeal.”
In cases such as Spencer’s crew, then, John Henry’s death is presented as glorious, and Henry is seen as admirable for working so hard that it kills him. Here, he’s a good example. Taken to the extreme, the Achillean Henry encourages fellow workers to follow in his footsteps—to keep pushing themselves harder and harder until they finally keel over.
This message doesn’t benefit the workers passing it along; it benefits the employers profiting from their labor. This, I think, is where the story blurs the line between myth and propaganda. And while the ballad of John Henry certainly isn’t singlehandedly responsible for the American tendency to overwork ourselves, it does reflect our attitudes about work in a way that’s worth unpacking. To me, this reeks of the Puritan work ethic. The belief was that you had to be working as often as you could; if you didn’t, the devil would be able to influence you. The Puritans were one of America’s foundational cultural influences—of course those values would have influenced the ballad of John Henry.
Henry is a hero because he worked himself to death. If we see him as a good example, what does this say about the effects that capitalism has had on American attitudes? About the internalized belief that our worth as humans only comes from what we can contribute to the economy? Why do we see death from exhaustion as a fitting end for a former slave?
Then again, maybe we’re not supposed to.
A lithograph of John Henry, from the series American Folk Heroes, by William Gropper.
Remember how I noted earlier that many of the laborers who first sang Henry’s ballad would themselves have been former slaves? It’s important because there’s a long history of American slaves using work songs as a tool of resistance against their oppressors, and these Black laborers—these “freed” slaves—would have carried that tradition with them into the Second Industrial Revolution.
The ballad of John Henry, then, might have been sung with the intent of helping other workers survive the brutal conditions on the railroads. Here, Henry becomes an Icarus—a warning of what happens if you push yourself too hard. One version of the ballad recorded by Edward Douglas of the Ohio State Penitentiary contains lyrics which suggest that not every Henry was meant to be emulated.
“John Henry started on the right-hand side, And the steam drill started on the left. He said, ‘Before I’d let that steam drill beat me down, I’d hammer my fool self to death, Oh, I’d hammer my fool self to death.’”
Don’t do what John Henry did, this version warns the audience. Be wiser than he was. Don’t push yourself quite so hard. Think of the people you’d be leaving behind if you’re not careful.
Perhaps even the creation of this mythos was an act of defiance in and of itself. At this point, I think it bears mentioning that I myself am not Black and can only hypothesize based on what I’ve heard from people who are, but I see something radical in the act of raising up one of your own as your hero rather than venerating the people you’ve been told are superior to you.
Remember, John Henry’s contest was versus a white man’s machine. It costs him everything, but he triumphs over the expectations of that steam drill salesman and proves his worth as a laborer and a person. John Cephas, a blues musician from Virginia who was interviewed by NPR for a report on John Henry back in 2002, had this to say of the myth:
“It was a story that was close to being true. It’s like the underdog overcoming this powerful force. I mean even into today when you hear it (it) makes you take pride. I know especially for black people, and for people from other ethnic groups, that a lot of people are for the underdog.”
Americans love underdog stories. Our own national origin myth is one! John Henry’s assertation of power and skill, the ballad’s declaration that Black people have the right to be proud of themselves too. . . no wonder this myth has resonated with so many people. No wonder it’s survived for a century and a half.
In this light, then, John Henry once again becomes a hero for us, the audience, to emulate. In the fight against oppression, endurance like Henry’s becomes key. Justice is almost never won quickly. The odds stacked against us may seem impossible, but it’s worth trying anyways, even if we have to fight to our dying breaths.
Artwork of John Henry as a defense worker by James Daugherty.
John Henry has meant and been many things to a lot of people in the past two centuries. A representative of capitalist exploitation, a cautionary tale for workers, an inspiration to oppressed people in America, even a communist icon—but I’d like to take a moment to talk about what his story means to me. It’s not something I’ve seen discussed in my research, and I think it’s worth exploring.
John Henry reflects fears of workers during the Second Industrial Revolution who saw how technology was evolving—how machines were being created that could do their jobs not just faster, but cheaper, because you don’t have to pay a machine like you would a person. They feared that they would be replaced, and that they would be left destitute while their former bosses grew richer and richer. And despite the centuries between us, this is a fear that I can understand.
Often, I feel it myself.
As an artist existing in online spaces during this new influx of AI-generated “art” and writing, I have witnessed many fears that we will be replaced by AI. Yes, there is a certain human quality to art that a generative learning model cannot replicate, but who’s to say that the much-vaunted free market will care? We can hope that art as a profession will survive, but we just don’t know.
In John Henry’s struggle, I see my own. In the steam drill salesman, I see tech bros on the platform formerly known as Twitter showing off their latest batch of beautiful, hollow, AI-generated “art.” I see John Henry’s passion, his pride, his triumph.
And I see hope.
By his life and death, the mythic John Henry reassures me that human beings aren’t so easy to replace after all. He tells me that machines can be defeated. That one day, my vindication as an artist and writer will come, and the world will see our worth.
The ballad of John Henry has endured like a mountain for a hundred and fifty years, and I hope it will survive for hundreds more—that John Henry’s hammer will continue to ring true throughout the ages. But in the midst of American mythos, it’s important not to lose sight of the historical facts behind it. Legends are interesting and inspirational and wonderful, but the real stories have something to tell us, too.
Don’t forget to listen.
Works Cited
American Lung Association - Silicosis
Ballad of America - This Old Hammer: About the Song
Constitution of the United States - Thirteenth Amendment
Encyclopedia Britannica - John Henry
Flypaper by Soundfly - The Lasting Legacy of the Slave Trade on American Music
Folk Renaissance - John Henry: Hero of American Folklore
How Stuff Works - Was There a Real John Henry?
ibiblio.org - John Henry: The Project
National Park Service - The Superpower of Singing: Music and the Struggle Against Slavery
NPR - Present at the Creation: John Henry
NPR - Talk of the Nation: The Untold History of Post-Civil War ‘Neoslavery’
PBS - Mercy Street Revealed Blog - Singing in Slavery: Songs of Survival, Songs of Freedom
Prof. Scott Reynolds Nelson - Steel Drivin’ Man: John Henry, the Untold Story of an American Legend
World Population Review - Incarceration Rates by Country 2024
#john henry#american mythology#analysis#essay#black history month#ari speaks#hi I wrote this for my english class and I felt compelled to share it here
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if you could give prue kids (in an au where she lives), who would it be with (can be anyone dead or alive) and could you tell us a little bit about them?
Okay, so this might be a bit of a boring answer, but canonically, I think that Prue really only ever would've ended up at a place where she was comfortable having kids with Andy, if he had survived. Obviously, if she hadn't died, I think that they'd have given her another love interest, but looking at her canon love interests for more than an episode: Andy (dead), Bane (jail), Jack (...c'mon), and Justin (literally got dumped for no personality.) And while I'd love to spin up a Prue/Bane kid (not a Jack kid bc quite frankly, @phoebehalliwell has got that on lock already), I think it's gotta be Prue and Andy, assuming that they both survived.
The rest of this kind of have to go under the cut because I finished it, checked how many words it was, and went 'oooh, fuck.' In case you're wondering, the answer is over two thousand, so. I'm gonna get blocked if I just drop that on people's dashes lmao.
So, in this 'verse, I think that Prue would've actually been the first to have a child, for several reasons. Firstly, we actually do see her express a desire to have kids at a few points in the show and she doesn't seem to have as many as the same hang-ups of her sisters. Her issue seems to just be the good dad part. Secondly, she'd be the one with the longest and most stable relationship, since she and Andy have known each other for so long and were pretty much on the verge of committing to each other anyways when Andy, y'know. Got dead.
That said, I don't particularly think that it would have been an intentional pregnancy. This is kind of dependent on where we're at in the show, but I think that it'd probably end up at a point where the danger is ramping up and the Source is becoming more of a threat. I don't think that Prue would be initially willing to a) step back from the front lines of the fight b) bring a child into the consistent danger of the household and c) risk orphaning her child like she was. I can see it as a plotline where demons are constantly attacking and frazzling the sisters and we see her miss her meticulous birth control pill or something and then a few episodes later assume that it's because of stress, only to find out that, surprise! You're pregnant, and probably a bunch of dangerous stuff is happening.
But anyways, I think that Prue and Andy would go with the P tradition, because Andy seems like the type of family guy who'd be all for it and I think that Prue, having seen this kind of different continual line of her family, would be into it. (Also, I don't really see any reason why she'd be against continuing it either, tbh.)
So our firstborn daughter is Perri Christina Halliwell, and I'm now realizing the obvious connotation of that lmao. I'm just trying to look at P names that have not been taken by any of the sisters themselves or my main next gen, and Christina is actually a reference to two different female writers that my brain initially thought was the same person: Christine de Pizan, a medieval feminist writer (responsible for The Book of the City of Ladies), and Christina Rossetti, a Victorian writer whose works were often viewed through a feminist lens (at least in my class). I like the name flip thing though, so now I'm keeping it. As for the first name, I think that Perri has this almost rebellious feel to it, which fits for her.
But anyways, Perri, our firstborn witch! I think that because of the circumstances around Perri's birth, especially with Prue having lost her own mother at such a young age, she's incredibly protective over her. (God forbid if Piper or Phoebe died in this 'verse, because it'd multiple by ten.) Perri is also the first member of the next generation, so she's kind of the test child on "Training Your Magical Child 101." And the thing is, I'd genuinely argue that the sisters not being raised with their powers both endangered them as they tried to figure everything out and kept them from reaching their full potential, and I think that Prue's biggest goal is keeping Perri safe, so she goes. kinda hard on the training witch thing. And Andy kind of sides with Prue on this because he doesn't have the magic to help or protect Perri, so. It's not just Prue, but Piper and Phoebe (and Paige? idk if Paige is in this AU or not yet tbh) are also training her, so it's a little less harsh than it could be.
Perri grows up to be a powerful witch with a pretty thorough background on all of the different aspects of magic (spells, potions, powers, demons, etc.) Like her mother, she's a telekinetic witch. I think that under her mother's tutelage, her powers also actually advance relatively quickly so that she develops advanced telekinesis. Lastly, she also had this combination of levitation/limited flight in that she can lift herself and other things off the floor but can't go Superman-ing around. (Is this half because I want to imagine a scene of Perri mid-air wrecking someone's shit? Yes. I fully admit to my utilization of the Rule of Cool here.)
Beyond powers, however, she's a bit more like Phoebe or Paige than Prue as a teenager. She rebels against her parents a lot, but a lot less of the punk teenage rebel thing and more like the artsy creative checking out the art exhibit at the local rec center or whatever. She loves her parents but chafes at the protectiveness. She's very independent, vivacious, bold, etc. She's actually a lot like Prue in that tbh, very popular in high school but with a less "Student Council president, head cheerleader, straight A-student" type of vibe. She's a lot fun. I've kind of bounced between a few different job ideas for her, but I think that she'd love to work in fashion, probably as a designer. Her vibe is very much just nicely saturated colors and colorful modern art.
After Perri's birth, shit probably hits the fan at some point and we get a dark point where all seems lost, maybe a death from someone close (not Prue or Andy obviously and I hesitate to kill anyone else, so some character that they got close to in this rewrite that wasn't in canon. What do you want from me, this is about the kids not the show.) Or maybe just struggles with the Elders and trying to buck that control, especially since we'd have the Piper/Leo and Phoebe/Cole relationships at some point here. But they persevere, and there's probably been another little Halliwell kid running around this point with Perri, but this ain't about them.
Next up, we have Presley Artemisia Halliwell! Now, if you haven't seen that Tumblr post about Artemisia Gentileschi, it's metal af and I have no clue where it is, but short story: girl got a shit deal for quite awhile, including being raped then tortured to give evidence during her rapist's trial, but she was also an amazing painter that focused on women from myths, allegories, and the Bible. Okay, actually, I really gotta find that Tumblr post to explain it, gimme a second. Here it is, high key recommend reading it but trigger warnings but discussion of the previously mentioned rape and torture. Okay, but the point for the middle name: a) I think that she's a fucking cool ass painter and b) seeing as I've mentioned that something awful has happened, the element of surviving that pain and refusing to bow down, especially to a male-dominated society, for someone like Prue. And Presley is because it has this almost academic vibe about it to me, a little cold in a way. (Idk how to explain this, it's one a.m. and I've been at this for two hours, y'all.)
Now onto our second Prue/Andy daughter: Presley! At this point, they've been raising a daughter in the house, maybe even another of the sisters' kids, so there isn't as much of a strictness on her at all points. Don't get me wrong, there's still a level of protectiveness, but Peri's continuing survival has proven to Prue and Andy that magic isn't an instant death sentence. But I'd say that it's Presley's powers that shape her so fundamentally here.
Presley ends up with molecular immobilization initially, but her powers don't advance to molecular combustion. Instead, her next power is an extension of slowing down molecules to freezing them entirely (molecular inhibition, the freezing power that warlock!Piper temporarily had when the sisters were turned evil in Prue's Dark Wedding to Zile). So she ends up being able to freeze things metaphorically and literally. Over time, the molecular inhibition grows to be a bit more versatile, specifically in regards to hand gestures. I'm trying to decide if there's another logical advancement here, but I think that makes her powerful enough for now at least.
With the ability to temporarily freeze everything around her, Presley utilized it to give her time to think. She's very analytic, observant, and intelligent. Unlike her sisters, she's more quiet and introverted but has no issue interacting with people. She's just more content to observe the people around her than be as social as her sisters but is perfectly fine with other people approaching her. Like her mother, she can be a bit prideful and bossy, and Presley can sometimes assume that she knows best because of her observations and intelligent. She actually works adjacent to her dad as a forensic specialist because I knew I wanted her adjacent but not actually a cop. I'm not sure what her specialty is yet though! Her vibe is a lighter neutral Sherlock Holmes and a park on a nice day. (I know that doesn't make it sense, I am simply trying to translate the vibe in my head.)
I think that the last daughter is probably after the craziness has finally died down for the sisters so maybe after any Ultimate Battles or something. They're finally able to just live their lives how they please, with not so many demon attacks, which is when Prue has her last daughter.
Our youngest witch is Pamela Dorothea Halliwell! Dorothea is a shout-out to Prue's love of photography, specifically to Dorothea Lange. Considered one of the most influential photojournalists of the 20th century, Dorothea Lange is known for her work during the Great Depression. Pamela is actually also a shout-out to Pamela Barnes, a psychic in Supernatural! It can also be considered a shout-out to Pamela Bousquet, a Warren ancestor in one of the spinoff novels, who had telepathy.
Pamela rounds out our trio as the resident psychic. While her primary power is premonitions, she's fascinated by divination as a whole, including her powers expanding to show her the past and future, reading palms and tarot cards, and whatever else you'd count that as. Beyond just seeing the future, she also has astral projection, telepathy, empathy, and dream leaping. Her family is pretty sure that at least some of this is magic that she learned instead of naturally possessed, but neither she nor they could tell you which is her own natural power and which she gained through studying the craft. Technically, Pamela could be a threat if she was interested in fighting demons, but she's much more interested in the study of magic and her specific branch of it to wield her powers offensively. She's a threat despite not because of the way she studies.
Continuing with the psychic vibes, Pamela is best described as somewhat dreamy. She's an absolute sweetheart but can get a bit lost in her own head sometimes, which can be dangerous with her powers. Despite what you may initially think, she is voracious when it comes to learning and wants to know everything about everything. She pursues her passion with relentless abandon, which can sometimes bite her on the ass. Honestly, a lot of her dreaminess and kookiness is because of her powers, which are going to cause her some problems soon if she doesn't figure out how to not get lost in them. So of course she works in a witch shop reading palms and tarot cards, basically a more legit "The Amazing Phoebe!"
In my head, I think that Perri is about 26, Presley is about 24, and Pamela is about 21 maybe. The girls are all still in California but maybe spread out a little. Perri is probably in some more fashion-y city that I'd have to ask my sister to pick (but not tonight bc she'd kill me for waking her up at 2 a.m.) while Presley may still be in San Francisco but Pamela definitely is.
Okay, so this definitely ended up taking and being a lot longer than I thought it would be, but this was so much fun! I'm always a sucker for the next gen, and I love thinking about how it may have turned out differently with different characters, relationships, or plots. It's especially fun because there's so many possibilities in the Charmed 'verse for the kids and I'd love to spin out some of the ones that unfortunately just didn't fit for my "canon" kids. (I used to do Charmed roleplay on Tumblr and actually have a new blog that I'm probably never going to actually use, and it has the entire set up of an alternate next generation stemming from Pandora, Paige's daughter, in the Warren Witches spinoff novel. Pretty much all of Phoebe's kids were designed to utilize some of the interesting power ideas I couldn't make my canon girls get.)
But if you have any other suggestions like this, definitely drop it in my askbox! This was so much fun! (Granted, it's two a.m. and I have to be at work at 8:30 tomorrow but whatever.)
#charmed#charmed 1998#prue halliwell#andy trudeau#should i really tag this as them? idk man im gonna for now i guess?#i have no idea wtf to tag the rest of this tho#bc i'm Nuts and want my tagging system to be Nice and Organized#so i dont wanna mix up my canon next gen with noncanon ones but like#fuck it it is literally two in the morning#next gen#charmed next generation#non canon next gen#gonna cover my bases with that even tho this is currently the only thing in that tag#abi's ocs#i mean i guess technically lmao#asks#fuck i need to update my navigation#charmed au#if anyone else asks me about anything similar i'll come back and update the tags i guess#perri halliwell#presley halliwell#pamela halliwell
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Casper Meets Wendy: A Review/Essay
Or: How to make a decent Wendy movie and save Josh's character
So, recently I joined a club dedicated to trash movies, kinda like a book club, where we pick a movie and then discuss. The first on the chopping block was Casper Meets Wendy, and for fun and whatnot, I decided to write down my thoughts on it.
I had no clue I was gonna get this angry, frustrated, yet invested (I went into this movie fully blind, aside from the fact that this was Duff's debut movie? at least that's what I was told). Follow the read more for the full thing, 'cause it's gonna get long!
So, the start of this movie? Disorienting.
We land smack dab in the middle of a baseball game, and they show us a climatic win with no set up. nothing. I had no idea how I should feel about it because hm, I don't know anything that's going on here?
Then aliens show up.
Confusion intensifies because not only we are getting witches and ghosts but also aliens???
Then wow, surprise, Casper's ghost uncles were the aliens the entire time.
AND I GOTTA A BONE TO PICK WITH THESE GHOSTS!! Like, I already hated these guys from the OG CG Casper movie, like the OG movie was nothing to write home about already, so really they just made them that much more worse. Not to mention that they are less "ghosts that scare people" and more "absolute assholes who cause harm and havoc whenever they fucking go". Like they invaded a perfectly good baseball game where kids and their families were just having a good time, unwinding at night after like, work and school, made them all panic, caused a goddamn explosion (and honestly at this point these people aren't scared because they are ghosts, they're scared becuase they are shapeshifting assholes who are terrorizing them) and just generally made everyone have a hella traumatic experience.
The only redeemable part of this whole ordeal is the hot dog cart having the word "Hotdogalicious" on the side of it.
And yes, all of the scenes with the ghosts feel like they last 5 million years when they barely reach the 5 minute mark. Get used to it.
Either way, we jump from the ghosts ruining people’s lives to a businessman wizard type character, and lo and behold, I lay my eyes on a beautiful sight: GEORGE HAMILTON!
Now I don’t think I saw a movie go from a zero to a perfect ten this fast! Almost makes it worth it to endure those damn ghosts just to see him (but not really, but I’ll tell you about a version of this movie that COULD be worth your time later on). Heck, I can’t even be that bothered by Pauly Shore’s Shore-ness as the mirror because they’re usually on the same scene together so George balances it out.
He plays Desmond aka a character that’s a bit too good for this movie and also a character that I could 100% see Vincent Price play and have an absolute ball while doing so.
He hears from the mirror that Wendy, the young good witch, is super close to surpassing him in power, and in a move that was waaaaaaaay creepier before it was explained to me later on, Pauly pulls out the entire profile on this like 8 year old complete with her FULL ADDRESS. (it was later revealed that Desmond has a tracker that can detect when other witches use magic and uses that to pinpoint their location, so Shore just pulled from Desmond’s own database, but they could have explained that first and not make him look like a creep who knew every detail about this little girl)
Desmond concocts a potion (with a nice nod to Snow White’s Evil Queen in the process, which I thought was nice because he is also an evil magic user who’s jealous of a younger, better person and has a magic mirror, I see what you did there movie) and I dunno if I wasn’t paying attention, or if the movie just didn’t explain, but at first I thought he was gonna use the potion to like, go to where Wendy was, or maybe just disguise himself like the Snow White queen to knock on her door unsuspectingly…
But no. He just straight up materializes two hitmen so he can send them to this little girl’s house so they can kill her.
Because yes, fuck you.
They also have very MIB-esque guns that do big damage. Remember that.
Anyways, we’re FINALLY introduced to Wendy (played by baby Hillary Duff) and her aunts, whom at first sent some really mixed signals and I thought they just wanted to make Wendy’s life miserable but quickly showed they genuinely cared for her (unlike those damn ghosts with Casper). I’m telling you right now that the witches’ plotline is LEAGUES better than the Casper plotline and the ghosts had ZERO need to exist in this movie (more on this later).
The hitmen knock on their door soon enough, and despite having guns that OBLITARED a door at Desmond’s place, they do litte to no harm to the witches’ house. Not sure what their home is made of but it’s some hella sturdy material.
A very bad fight ensues until Wendy disarms them and puts them in a cell.
And now is time for Wendy to be under witness protection service, so they just go to a resort to lay low for a while.
And goddamit, the ghosts are back! And they’re on the resort too because these plotlines gotta merge at some point and after they ruin the honeymoon – and very possibly the entire foundation of a whole marriage – of a poor couple that just wanted to have a good time, they stay in one of the cabins for a “vacation” and it made me SO ANGRY that they like, asked Casper to carry shit for them for this because what the fuck, these guy never ever use anything they literally just float around and harass people, they just make Casper carry shit because, as previously stated, they’re assholes and just wanna make Casper’s life harder.
And like, OK, cool, they’re like family because they’re his uncles, but why can’t Casper just… not hang out with them? It clearly makes him miserable and he’s just a ghost anyway. It’s not like he’s a real, living kid that needs to be taken care of by a guardian or something. He can just find a nice place to stay and do “nice” hauntings and such. Are they chained by some after-life blood relation? Because unless that’s the case there’s zero reason for Casper to even bother being with them (and they clearly dislike him so it’s not like they would care???)
We’re finally back with the witches and OK, if they needed to lay low and whatnot, why didn’t they magic up their clothes to blend in BEFORE going inside the resort/mingling with the humans? Like they did it later once they realized they were standing out and the fits were kinda nice but they could like, have a scene where they were studying the humans for a second and go “OK, we need to dress more like that!” and then conjure up wacky outfits because they just got a passing glance at tacky vacation clothes so that’s what they’re working with (with Wendy having the more sensible outfits because she actually knows what humans wear).
And then we are introduced to the movie’s biggest wasted potential: Josh.
Josh had EXCELLENT opening lines, and a very cheeky attitude. The whole “How are things?” “Kinda boring… until now!” exchange is very cute and honestly at first I thought they were setting up them being friends/vague crushes because there was a previous scene of Wendy trying to give a gift to this very lame paperboy, so I was like “Ah, the aunts were saving her from the boring, almost dead paperboy so she can hang out with a cool kid, I see…”
But more on Josh later, we’re unfortunately back with the ghosts (after a brief scene with Desmond that shows his tracker and redeems Pauly’s character a bit) and there’s an awful scare scene with a chef so they can get food and
WHY 👏 DO 👏 THEY 👏 NEED 👏 TO 👏 EAT?
I hate everything about them.
Thank God the scene is over and we’re back with the witches, who realize they can’t use magic or Desmond is gonna track them, and honestly every time they talk about Desmond is about how strong he is, and if he’s so strong, why did he like, summon hitmen to do the job for him? Gabby (Shelley’s character) even mentions that if he comes knocking he can turns them into “pumpkin guts” like, what was stopping him from dropping by at their place at the start of the movie and just do it himself?
Back with the dang ghosts, they’re eating, much to my increasing anger, which just escalated even more because LOOK AT THIS!
They were eating stuff like pastries, and grapes and juice what the hell kinda leftovers are these? WHY ARE THERE COCONUT HALVES? Also like there's more food NOW after they ate than before like... I hate every scene with them I wish they didn’t exist.
Then we’re back with Josh and that’d when all my hopes and dreams were crushed because Josh was just an asshole to everyone around him + Wendy and? The reason? Motivation? None. There’s a shoehorned reason that she “messed up his game” and from that point on he’s super dick-ish to her because apparently the plot needed an antagonist besides the all powerful warlock that can turn them to putting and wants to throw Wendy into a magical abyss where she’ll be disintegrated. That wasn’t hardship enough for Wendy she needed a boy to treat her bad so she could, I dunno, fall in love with fucking Casper, who at this point hasn’t done anything besides whine and allow his uncles to keep terrorizing and ruining people’s lives.
I refuse to talk about the Wendy/Casper romance subplot thing once they finally meet (at the 30 minute mark no less) because it boils my blood to epic proportions so we are skipping the dumb montage of them “bonding” because not only I hate it but also because they do like 300 million things and by the end they’re like “Wow, today was great!” like TODAY?? It looked like a couple days passed with all you did what??
Either way, Wendy and Casper are told by their relatives earlier in the movie that ghosts and witches/magic users don’t mingle because ghosts are scared of witches since they can cause harm to them, unlike regular humans, and witches don’t like ghosts because… I actually forgot but honestly, it was just so we could set up two seconds of “tension” in the first meeting between Casper and Wendy. They could very well just be OK with each other because hey, we’re both supernatural beings, cool.
But this feud inspired them to trick their relatives to meet and then maybe see they don’t need to be mortal enemies or whatever. And to do so they tell their aunts/uncles that there’s a dance and hey, maybe you could score a date.
Also the least we talk about Josh trying to force Wendy to go the dance with him the better, all his scenes make me sad and mad. Smad.
Also, color me surprised when the guys who pulled over at the dance who were already acting weird weren’t already possessed by the ghosts/the ghosts in disguise, because I could swear. Specially that damn mirror scene I thought it was to show that they were “in disguise” as humans but they had to avoid mirror because their reflection shows them as ghosts and that could set up something interesting but no. This movie hates anything interesting.
The one redeeming thing about the dance? The guy playing “human” Stinky ate the physical performance of the role. He did good and actually made me not hate the ghosts during this one scene.
As expected, the witches find out the guys they were flirting with were the ghosts in disguise, and things just go up in flames, in a matter of speaking. No one gets along and they advise Casper and Wendy to stay away from each other and yadda yadda.
Then Casper is a pos who talks about how the witches can’t use their powers because they’re being tracked by Desmond so the ghosts go to their place to just fucking annoy them and make their life hell, so Wendy just uses her magic to put them in casts and they buzz off. Unfortunately that display has set off Desmond’s radar and he’s now on his way.
Also Josh is being a dick and stole Wendy’s wand during the commotion, so they can set up the “Casper scares Josh to help Wendy” scene that was telegraphed five hundred years ago. Whatever, the only thing Casper hammers on about is how “pretty” Wendy is so he’s a shallow bastard.
Knock knock, it’s Desmond and he’s here to open the mystical portal and send Wendy to like, witch hell. She gets her wand back from Casper, does her darn best to fight back but nope. Desmond is just too strong. And honestly, a the start, I thought they were setting up a “Wendy’s magic is boosted by friendship and love aka something Desmond does not know and that’s why his magic will never be as powerful as Wendy’s” which like, could be a cool message.
But no, he DOES throw her into the portal and Casper needs to go inside it to bring her back (using the longest red velvet rope I’ve ever seen in a film) and the dang uncle ghosts FINALLY do something useful and scare Desmond so he falls back into the portal himself and they have a chance to pull Wendy and Casper out. A very “eh” ending that could have been much better, but then again, I guess I was expecting much from this whole thing. I’m just glad they didn’t make it so Casper and Wendy are now living together or some bullshit like that.
Good riddance you damn ghosts!
Now, because I wrote about that in my notes a lot, how to make this a Wendy solo movie and fix this mess:
Use the first part of the movie that you used with damn ghosts shenanigans to set up Wendy and her aunt’s better. Make it seem more obvious from the get go that they want to protect Wendy from humans, but because they’re isolated witches who are prejudiced against humans they come off as dick-ish, which bothers Wendy but she knows they are at least meaning well. Also give Shelley Duvall a better character she’s just the “gross witch” because we needed a gross character to pair with the ghost. She could just be a cooky one who’s just a little “weirder” than your regular witch. I think she would be good at that.
Desmond’s character remains unchanged except he doesn’t have the hitmen. Heck, you could even keep Pauly Shore as the mirror. He could play the mirror part like in a Snow White deal like they were setting up (yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice they totally dropped the premise and used Shore like only two other times during the whole movie lol). Perhaps Desmond shows up at their door in disguise as I mentioned, but Wendy is not only strong, but also smart, so she manages to trick him and escape with her aunts, but now they’re on the run.
You can also drop the resort thing. Again, they’re only there so their plot can merge with the ghosts. They could infiltrate a neighborhood during like summer break and all the kids are out and about and that’s why Wendy wants to go out and mingle. And when they arrive like they’re “moving into the neighborhood” she meets Josh, which the aunts do not approve.
From this point on it’s all about Wendy and Josh bonding. It doesn’t even need to be like a long period of time. They could bond over a week or so, kids make friendships easy and fast. But it’s pretty obvious that there’s something off about Wendy because she doesn’t know what a bunch of regular stuff is and strange things are always happening around her. But cool, Josh just thinks her and her aunt are from the countryside or something so that’s why they’re a little strange.
Then Josh catches Wendy doing magic and is like “Wow, cool” because he’s a fucking kid and has whimsy. But the neighbours and the other humans living around are probably not gonna be very thrilled about witches being in their small town. Human vs. witches is a feud that has existed for eons now, and it’s a safe dynamic everyone is familiar with.
Maybe a dance still happens, perhaps Josh also has annoying but well meaning relatives that he tries to introduce to Wendy and her aunts, and things can go wrong and they’re exposed as witches. But the people are scared of confronting them because damn, witches can turn them into mush but also why are they in our neighborhood? Then Josh, who’s just a kid, gets frustrated and let’s slip that they’re there because they’re hiding and can’t use their power, and the people are like “sweet, let’s go hunt them!”
They go there, and while the witches can’t use magic (and you know, don’t wanna kill these people) they need to use it to protect themselves or like, die, and that sets off Desmond’s radar who’s there in no time and is like “Yo, very cool, now I’m gonna destroy Wendy, you three and also all these lame-o humans”. Because he’s evil you see.
Wendy and Desmond could end up dueling, and at some point Josh + her aunts give her strength so she can overcome him and protect everyone and they can go “See Desmond? Your magic will never be fully unlocked because your heart never felt true love from friends and family!” and they don’t even need to kill Desmond because children’s movie. He can just go “Hmph, you bested me, but I’ll be back >:(” and leave.
And then the humans are like “Damn, these witches saved us from doom, maybe they aren’t all bad.” And Josh going “I’VE BEEN SAYING!” and the witches are welcome to stay in the neighborhood because hey, you should accept people even if they’re different because they’re likely nice people and so on and so forth…
So yeah, this is my essay/review on Casper Meets Wendy.
#JusticeForJosh
#casper meets wendy#trash movie essays by minty#I can't promise I'll do one of these for every movie#but this was hella fun to write lol
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📚August 2024 Book Review (Part 1/4)📚
I had soooo much free time in August! Heatwaves meant every outdoor activities were out of the question. There was nothing to do at work outside of my 2 4-hours shift either. I ended up reading a good 8 to 12 hours a day, hence the 16 books of this months review!
La Forteresse du Chaudron Noir (Les Aventures du Pyro-barbare et de Billy #1) by Bob Lennon
Billy is a young farmer in a village decimated by disease. After his mother dies he sets out to the city unaware that an ancient evil was on the rise. Now accompanied by a goliath, Billy will have to use his wits and strength to defeat the terrible power hidden within the fortress. YOU are Billy!
When I was a kid I LOVED Choose Your Own Adventure books! They were fun, novelty, and always had a ton of different characters and places to interact with. I liked the "game" aspect of them as much as the "book" aspect. But after some time you explored every available path and getting the "good" ending was more muscle memory than puzzle solving, the replay value of kid CYOA was generally low.
Now enter Bob Lennon! Most of you won't know him but he is one of the biggest french video game youtuber. He's been on the platform since 2011 and has still the same workaholic energy. He created his own character inspired by Skyrim who is a Fire Barbarian named Le Pyrobarbare and his sidekick Billy. He is also a TTRPG fan.
That was a very long introduction to say that he created his own CYOA book series that are inspired by those characters and have a big TTRPG dynamic to them and THEY. ARE. INCREDIBLE.
It all start with a character creation system: you will always play Billy the farmer but you can choose between a collection of objects and whichever you chose decide which type of Billy you are: warlike, rustic, resourceful or cautious. And all of this influences which decisions you can or can't make. And there are A LOT of decision, we're talking about a 400 pages book. That might not be that many but I have never seen a CYOA above 150 pages.
The combat system is fairly easy to use, while being more interesting than "roll two dice the lowest roll loose". It pairs well with different stats of your Billy, which change depending on the class, the equipment, the event that happened in your adventure.
There is an achievement system on the last two pages of the book that also includes the ending so I counted them: there is a DOZEN ending. I discovered there was a dragon I could have fought to get the Warlike Gold Ending and I missed it! I was so mad!
I could keep of gushing about this book (I didn't talk about the characters, about the city and the castle the story takes place in, ir even the Pyrobarbare who is the funniest) but it was really a lot of fun and I hesitate between starting a new run with a different class of Billy or buy the SECOND book if the series (the 3rd one is being crowdfunded and I can't wait!)
Did You Hear About Kitty Karr? by Crystal Smith Paul
Hollywood icon Kitty Karr died, leaving her fortune to the three St John sister, young wealthy Black women. While dealing with Kitty's affairs (and keeping away from journalists) they find a dairy which uncovers secrets in the background of the South and Hollywood during the Segregation.
I would probably never have picked up this book if it wasn't a draw from the book club pile. I like historical fiction but Hollywood and the stars is not something I have any interest in. I went a bit blindly into it, scared that if I research it I'd create bad expectations.
I was surprise: it isn't the drama filled story I was dreading! This is a dive into the segregated USA and in a community I had never really read about: white passing POC. Even when Kitty starts to work in the film industry (as a phone operator at first then climbing the ladder to become a famous actress) the focus is always on social issues, racism, the careful balance of being a black woman in white spaces, the fight for civil rights and the work these woman did for this cause. Atop of all this there is the thread of family legacy and secrets and what ties Kitty and the St Johns together.
It is a very interesting book, nuanced and deep. I don't know how much of it is was researched but it felt fairly accurate from perspective.
The Oleander Sword (The Burning Kingdom #2) by Tasha Suri
Malini and Priya parted ways: the Princess is marching to the capital city, gathering allies to otherthrow her brother; the Priestess is working with her siblings to rebuilt the Temple and restore her city. But when Malini's fight encounter divine resistance she will once again draw from Priya's magic to get her end, with their fragile relationship, and Priya's own goals in the way.
I adored book 1, The Jasmine Throne and I was so excited to read the rest of the story! I loved having my favorite characters back, I loved the politic developing after the events of the previous tome and as usual I loved the angst, the complicated relationship between Malini and Priya, the mysterious happening in Ahiranya,Malini's change as her goal draws closer...
The writing is still gold, perfectly highlighting the feelings and doubts of the characters. I love having so much insight in the characters mind. The switch between multiples point of view is really well handles.
Unfortunately it suffers from Middle Book Syndrome: very little new element introduced and very little resolution of previous elements. That's to be expected, but when the third and final book is not yet available it is really frustrating.
I am still hyped for the last book, The Lotus Empire, it should be releases in November but the TBR is so high, I'm afraid I'll have to keep it for next year
Path of Destruction (Darth Bane Trilogy #1) by Drew Karpyshyn
A thousand year before the events of the first Trilogy, Des is a disillusioned miner in the Outer Rim. He joins the Sith to escape his misery and discover his connection to the Force. Through the training of the Sith Masters he develops his talent and as his power grows so does his ambition. He is now Darth Bane and he will be more powerful than them all!
I had been disappointed by novelisation of series before so I approached this one with caution, even though I heard everywhere that it was one of the best Star Wars novel (if you disagree don't blame me, blame Reddit)
That's a recurring event: I was dead wrong, this book floored me. The writing is good, the plot is even better, characters are incredible and I never thought I would be cheering so hard for a Sith!
I was a bit scared having no previous knowledge of this period of the Star Wars universe would make it impossible to understand the book. Maybe I misses some references but it never was obscur. The Star Wars lingo is also always explicited with context clues. That's really agreable because that's not always a given when you dive into work on the further edge of canon.
The characters are almost exclusively Sith (and some usual brand of assholes) but they are still relatable, even though they are cunning, vicious, calculating. Bane especially has some redeeming circonstances that made him endearing even though he joined the dark side and dives deep into its ways.
A really really good surprise and a really really good book. I'd really like to read the rest of this trilogy, it sparked back my interest for Star Wars when the recenr series and just bored me to death.
#book review#bookblr#books#bob lennon#pyrobarbare#la forteresse du chaudron noir#did you hear about kitty karr#crystal smith paul#the oleander sword#the burning kingdoms#tasha suri#star wars#darth bane#star wars legends#path of destruction#drew karpyshyn
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A SLAVE TO MY FAMILY
My name is Dave. Ever since my family moved to our new house in Georgia,
my father and older brothers have been working in the house's basement. Whenever
they are working down there, I hear power saws, hammering, running water,
digging, and all other sounds that usually come from construction sites.
Even though I'm seventeen, my Dad does not let me see what it is that he and my
brothers are working on. Any time I ask them to show me what they are building
down there, they say that it is way too dangerous for me to be there, and that I
should keep out at all times.
They promised me that they would show me what they
were building when they were done. They said it was something the whole family
would really enjoy. Sometimes when I am alone, I try to go in, but the door is well locked, besides, it is made out of tons of steel or something because it
feels very heavy just knocking on it.
My brothers, Tom and Tony, are twenty and nineteen, and work out constantly. I try to workout also, but they have always been much stronger than me.
My dad is always nice,loves his children. My mother died in giving birth to me. We have other family here in Georgia. I have several cousin and uncles. On my eighteenth birthday, I found out what they were building in the basement. That's when my nightmare began. I will tell you what I've been told.
Six months prior to my eighteenth birthday, I started noticing that I was home alone every Wednesday night from 7:00 P.M. to about 11:00 P.M. I thought nothing of it because every one had jobs and school and other businesses to attend to. I also noticed that the construction on the basement had stop, except for my
dad, and brothers taking black bags full of things. I could not see what was in the bags, and they would not let me see no matter how much I asked. I was never really persistent because I don't like to be nosy.
One night when I was coming home from the movies, my cousin's car was outside. It had been a while since I last saw him so I was glad he was home. He was 29 and very handsome, and he worked for some type of Government agency, which gave him access to a bunch of stuff. I thought he had the coolest job.
Anyway, when I went in the house, my brothers and my cousin were walking by the hallway. They had not noticed me. I heard my cousin say, "O.K., I've got Dave's birth certificate and all his school information. That's all I need." When I asked them what they were talking about, they looked kind of shocked and said it was about my up coming graduation. My brother Tom told me to mind my own business and so I did. I figured out that they were planning a big surprise for my 18th birthday.
Here is what happened:
My entire family had been meeting on Wednesdays to plan my kidnapping.
They thought about every thing. In the meetings, my whole family attended
(except for me). My father, my two brothers, my father’s four brothers, several of my male cousins and my father’s college roommate were in attendance.
They all voted on several issued regarding my kidnapping. First they voted on the method of kidnapping. They had three methods on the ballot. First, put a sedative in my food, and drug me so that they could easily accomplish their goal. Second, chloroform me at night while I was sleeping and take it from there. Third sneak in to my bedroom while I was sleeping and use brute force to handcuff me, put restraints on my ankles, and tie me all up while I remained totally aware of what was going on after I would wake up. They voted for the third option. They said they would enjoy my struggling and that it would be much more fun. Anyway, it was 10 against 1 and I would be sleeping and caught completely in surprise.
The second issue they discussed was what they would do about the police once I was missing. Here is where my cousin with the job at the Government agency came in handy for them. They simply plotted my fake death and he was able to manufacture a death certificate. They planned my fake funeral (with a corpse and all) and as of now every one thinks I'm dead. (I wish I were dead instead of living this hell). He had connections with the corner's office and he plotted an accident in which I supposedly died. It worked out perfectly.
Then, they voted on what they would wear when they were in the basement where I
was. Unanimously, they voted black leather. My father and brothers would wear
leather pants and leather vests. My uncles and cousins would wear leather pants or
leather shorts with body harnesses. All the men would wear black leather combat boots. Then they voted on how I would be dressed. My brother and father voted for me to wear no shirt, shoes and socks, but have a pair of tighty whities briefs. After all they were not gay and they were not interested in my sexual organs at all, all they wanted was to control me. However, Dad’s college roommate and all my uncles and cousins voted for me to be completely stripped. It was 7 to 3, so I was to be naked at all times. My father and brothers accepted and agreed to participate in my stripping if necessary.
Next, they voted for the methods of my tortures and punishments. They also voted
for the instruments that they would use to control me. You will find out these later on in the story. One family member was chosen to go buy all the equipment a
week prior to when it was all going to occur. They all spent a Saturday buying
their leather attire at the same time to make sure it was O.K. with the other
members of the family.
So there it was, my family had the perfect plan to kidnap me and enslave
me forever. It was the night before my 18th birthday and I went to sleep at
about 9:00 P.M. feeling very tired. I fell sleep like a rock. Around 11:30, I
saw my door open slightly and I thought I saw several shadows move outside my
room in the hall. Then, my Dad walked in and said that he was just checking up
on me before he went to sleep. He came to the side of the bed and kissed me
good night. Then, he left and closed the door behind him. After a few minutes,
I fell back sleep. I thought I heard the sound of metal clicking and suddenly, I
felt my covers being pulled off very violently. I was sleeping on my stomach so
I could not see what the hell was going on. As I tried to turn around, I felt
many hands grabbing my wrists and ankles. I tried to get up but then I felt
someone jumping on my back, I was completely immobilized and I was really scared. I called out for my dad and brothers, "dad, help Tony! tom!" to my horror, I
heard the voice of my brother Tont coming from on top of me. He was the one who jumped on me. He said, "I'm afraid I can't help you" and then he laughed evilly. Then I heard my brother Tom say, "you are ours now" don't fight us or you will regret it.
Then, they violently forced my arms behind my back and my father said to my
One of my uncles "Hurry and put the handcuffs on." My incle had me handcuffed in
no time. Then, the other uncles and cousins pulled my legs into a spreader bar.
My brother Tony then linked a chain from the spreader bar to the handcuffs.
Then, my dad said,"stand him up and lets show him a little family love." My Dad’s college friend then turned on the lights and I saw every one with
an evil smirk on their face. I screamed, "What the fuck are you doing, let me
go." My dad’s friend said, “lets all hold him and have his brothers and father teach him some manners. Everyone grabbed me from an arm, behind my neck, my legs, and my mid section. Then my dad and brothers got really close to me and said, "Happy birthday." My dad then grabbed me my the balls as hard as he could. I yelped in pain and everyone laughed. Just as I thought I had felt the worst pain in the world, my brothers each grabbed my tits and started twisting.
I was crying uncontrollably when my cousin said, "can't you shut him up?' With that, my brother Tom said, "with pleasure." He produced a ball gag and strapped it around my head. At the same moment my brother Tony was attaching a thick black leatherbdog collar around my neck
My dad lifted my head by my hair and said, "You want to see what is in the basement? O.K., We'll show you."
Then he attached a chain leash to the dog collar and started to tug me toward the door. My father’s four brothers grabbed me by the arms along and shoulders.
Then i heard my older brother declare, “lets take him down to his new permanent home."
Everyone cheered. I still could not talk because oc the ball gag.. I was trying to yell for help or for them to let me go, but nothing came out of my mouth that could be understood with the gag.
They picked me up and carried me against my struggling across the hallway and down the stairs to the basement.
When we were in, it didn't look as though they had done anything to it. Then, my dad moved the sofa and lifted the carpet. There was a huge doorway on the floor, which he lifted to reveal some wide steps going down.
They dragged me down, and then it hit me, "They were building an underground
dungeon." When we reached the bottom (about 30 steps), my dad unlocked another
heavy steel door.
Then they dragged me into a room that made hell look like an amusement park. It had a slight, but very noticeable scent of urine. At the middle of the huge room there was a black wall all upholstered in black leather.
The wall did not go all the way up to the roof. The wall had many leather straps
for restraining anyone who stood against it.
Behind the wall was a
post and stocks.
Behind the whipping post was a toilet and a shower. To the right of the leather
wall was a small bed and a dog cage next to it.
There were several leather sofas around the room.
I was trying to beg for mercy with my eyes but none of them cared.
They lowered me, stood me up, and tied my wrists and ankles to the leather
wall. I was spread eagled. Then, they all took a step back, looked at me with
evil smirks, then started laughing and giving each other high-fives. I was in
hell.
They left me and they went up stairs locking the heavy steel door behind
them. I was in a lot of pain, confused, and scared out of my mind. I did not
understand what was going on. Why was my family doing this to me? And my
brother? Hell, what the fuck was going on? Why did my whole family gang up on me
to strip me naked and tie me to a leather wall? I needed answers, I needed help. By now I was beginning to catch my breath after the initial shock.
Ten minutes later, the steel door opened. All of my assailants came in and I
could not believe my eyes, they were all wearing leather.
They sat down on the sofas except for my dad. Everyone was looking at me with evil eyes. My brother Tony came to me and removed the ball gag.
Once i was able to move my jaw again, I said, "What is going on? Why are you doing this to me? Let me
go... please....I'm begging you. They all started laughing.
My dad came closer to me, lifted my head by the chin, he had a strong scent of leather, and said
with a smirk on his face, "Beg all you want, we are not gong to let you go.
However, I will answer your questions. I will tell you what is going on. We have
a fetish. We like to to control and humiliate people...... well not all people, just you. The only reason we had you was to have someone to do this to. I planed this even before you were born. At birth, when the doctor
handed you to us, I looked you in the eyes and had the
same evil smirk you see in all of us today. We want to make you our slave.
Correction, you ARE our slave.
I started crying and she slapped me
"You should be thanking me instead of crying like a little bitch. I'm doing something nice for you. I should give you something tocry about, but I guess that will come later. Don't bother thinking the police will find you. In a few hours, we will be attending your funeral which we faked with the help of your cousin." He looked at me and winked an eye to me and blew me a kiss. Then my dad said, "So you see, we are all going to be in so much sorrow and everyone will think that you are dead. We even have a death certificate.
As of today at 4:00 A.M. you are officially deceased." Everyone laughed again. Then my brother Tony continued. "That means that you belong to us and nobody will even try to rescue you because to the world, you are dead. HA HA HA HA." Then my brother Tom said, "Dad, tell him what we are going to do to him."
Every one agreed and cheered. "Yeah, tell him how we are going to teach him a
lesson." Everyone was very excited and happy. I wanted to die.
Then my dad said, "O.K. boy, here is what we are going to do to you. Each one of us will do their own thing when they have a chance.”
“You are going to be our slave, our house pet, our baby boy. What ever kink we devise will be your life from now on. There will be a schedule and each of us will have alloted time with you. Constantly expanding your limits. Training you to our needs and wants.”
Everyone laughed at the expression on my face.
The expression of sheer horror. I protested, and so my dad asked that the ball
gag be placed back in my mouth. My brother happily complied.
My then my dad continued to explain. “We will begin momentarily. I have the first opportunity and then your brothers will continue the festivities. Once they have finished YOUR NEXT LOVED FAMILY MEMBER CAN HAVE HIS TURN WITH YOU.”
“Aren't you glad you are part of this great family? I'm glad you are part of this family." Everyone laughed.
I could not believe my ears. I was so scared. Here they were, my family. The ones you run to in hard times. The ones you look for protection. They were all in front of me and all they wanted to do is torture me. They don't even want to kill me, they want to control me and humiliate me.
I began to cry more, and they began to laugh harder. They proceeded to tie some metal shackles to my already bound wrists. The shackles were linked to chains, which ran over to the roof and through a pipeline where the other men held the other end of the chain. They released the leather straps from my
wrists and the men pulled on the chains linked to the shackles on my wrists.
Then my uncle spoke up. “You WILL be naked from now on and for the rest of your life. Although from time to time you may be dressed for certain fetishes, like diapers Or sports gear or underwear or uniforms but most of the time you will be wearing a suit… your birthday suit!”
Everyone laughed at his joke
Now the horror was complete. I've always been very shy about my nudity. Being naked in front of all these men, and my dad and brother, will kill me. I've always been very insecure about the size of my dick and balls. This is hell.
After some seconds of me just dazed off thinking of how embarrassing being naked in front of my family will be, my dad said, "Gentlemen would you like to take this time to check out the merchandise?” All agreed and gathered around me and starting to touch me with no concern for my modesty
I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth. I was now stripped and being groped by the men of my family in front of all of them.
Then my brother Tony came to me and said, "You will obey every single order that we give you, you little rat." With that, he grabbed and twisted my balls.
Every one started laughing hysterically. I started crying even more. The more I cried the more they laughed. My Dad’s friend said, "Look at his balls, they are so tiny. Look at his pink dick, it is practically non existing."
They all laughed at the comments. I would have rather been in hell. I was so humiliated. They were all pointing at me and at my genitals and laughing. Then my cousin said, "As punishment for being disobedient, you will never drink water again.
You will only drink pee. For breakfast-pee, for lunch-pee, and for
dinner-pee.
Furthermore, you will be showered with icy cold water every day at
5:00 A.M. The cold water will be your perpetual wake-up alarm.
In addition, you
will remain naked forever and you will always be restrained or in bondage one
way or another. Kiss your freedom of movement good bye....Hell, kiss all your
freedom good bye."
Everyone agreed and laughed at me. My brothers were getting anxious to work me over so they suggested that they got started with the sessions.
Everyone agreed. They grabbed my hands and tied them back to the leather wall with the straps.
And thus began my new life as a slave to my family
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hiiii guess what. random liifa backstory-dump because I'm changing my GW2 characters code on toyhouse and he's like. the only mf with a pretty comprehensive typed out backstory :thumbsup: and i don't want to lose all of it and i want to start posting again. so !!! safekeeping it on tumblr dot com where u can all read it if u'd like to <3
there's no photos and many paragraphs. i'm sorry for how long this is in advance. this is also Still Not Everything. details are missing and it's only up to LWS4 ... i should go back and add more Personal Story time details and Heart of Thorns and such! so. technically a big WIP but what can ya do !!!
Backstory
He spent the majority of his childhood underground, knowing next to nothing about the surface or its troubles. His time was spent studying material he was never quite interested in, and picking up hobbies from his mothers, Lenna & Azzun. He was distant from his father, but close to his half-sister Rylii and twin Lusii. The year he and Lusii turned 11, in 1078 AE, they were forced to escape to the surface. As far as Liifa knew, only he and Rylii had made it out. They surfaced somewhere in the Crystal Desert, uncertain of where they were and how to survive. Luckily, it was only a few days before they encountered Sunspears, who ended up offering them food and then shelter after hearing their story. As the years went by, Liifa grew up on stories of the desert, and of the newly ascended Kormir, and something had finally caught his interest. He took up field medic training with his half-sister, and ended up making friends with a few training Priests of the Six. Nadia ended up his best friend, and strongly encouraged him to train as well, since he was so interested in and devoted to it. The elder Priesthood always tried giving him trouble, but thanks to Nadia and their friends it didn't get to him too much. Unfortunately, tragedy struck before either he or Nadia could ever enter their actual respective Priesthoods. During their training, they’d traveled far from the Sunspear Sanctuary, and ended up right in the crosshairs of an Awakened attack on a small town. They both did their best to defend the townspeople, but ended up being forced to retreat. Nadia, unfortunately, went missing during the attack. Despite extensive searching, both with groups and on his own, Liifa was unable to find her. Being unable to save his best friend is a wound he still carries today, but back then it also made him more determined to not lose another soul. In the midst of his grief, he met a mysterious figure, who cheerfully offered him an ancient tome. He was rightfully suspicious, but they convinced him to accept it as a gift, claiming that wouldn’t it be right for a Priest of Kormir’s to cleanse a book of Abaddon’s, and make use of the power inside for good? Of course, the Sunspears didn’t take this book lightly, even though Liifa had the good sense to hide it for a while. To them, that made it appear all the more suspicious. He was exiled from the Sanctuary, and forced to strike out on his own. Rylii was hesitant to keep in touch with him, for fear of being exiled herself, but sent some letters nonetheless. Liifa assumed a personal vendetta with Joko and the Awakened, figuring that if he hadn’t lost Nadia then he wouldn’t have made the decisions that got him here, on his own. He kept tabs on the Awakened’s movements, and stopped them where he could with some of his newly discovered magic, courtesy of the Binding. Eventually, Rylii’s line of travel lined up with the Awakened. He got there in the middle of the battle, desperately searching for his sister as he feared losing her how he lost Nadia. He finds her fatally injured, but still alive. Without considering the consequences, he draws power from the Binding in order to aid himself in healing her - he’s successful, but not without unforeseen consequences that will follow them both centuries later. They’re both unknowing for the time being, but the magic from the Binding creates a lich-phylactery bond, making them both effectively immortal unless Rylii was killed first. They both separate from the Sunspears, finding a place to settle in western Tyria, although Liifa’s much more taken with the ship Captain that offered them safe passage. He and his sister’s family split ways, though they sometimes exchange letters over the years, until they eventually drift apart. As Liifa gets to know the Binding better, it gets to know him better, and the demons inside taunt him with anything they can, such as what he’s unknowingly done to his sister. The next two centuries are rife with struggle and distress, and the newborn lich settles for running from his troubles instead of dealing with them.
Present Day
Now he travels the world on his own, sometimes joined by the Binding, and sometimes not. He’s got a lot of loose ends that he doesn’t pay attention to tying up, assuming time will take care of them for him, like it has with so many in the past. He makes deals in place of the Binding to keep the demons from getting too feisty, and he’s always avoided those he places the Binding in the hands of after. It always makes its way back to him anyway, whether he wants it to or not. He hasn’t spoken to his sister in years, though he’s occasionally taken the jaunt to check on her from a distance. He’s become a shadow in modern day Tyria, unaware that some of the Elonian legends he’s heard over the years line a trail right back to him. He’s always been meaning to go back. He has unfinished business with another lich, after all.
Living World Season 4
After getting stuck in Gandara with Eliana for nearly a year during the first half of LWS4, he joins the Commander's team with Eliana after Phoenix offers the duo a place with them. He becomes the team's official field medic and keeps his identity as a lich under wraps for as long as he can. (Khozzak, however, makes that very short-lived.) He's very anxious around Aurene, as his only personal histories with dragons so far has been Primordus destroying his home in his childhood, and briefly helping the Pact against Zhaitan as a favor to Trahearne. He stays close by Eliana's side, making sure that she's alright and that Ipos hasn't returned to causing her trouble. She still carries the book, after all. His opinion of Aurene takes a sharp turn after the events of All or Nothing. During the struggle against Kralkatorrik, Aurene breaks from harassing the Elder Dragon in order to kill a Branded creature that had nearly caught Liifa off-guard. Her gentle demeanor toward him after that kill, ensuring that he was unharmed, and then chirping brightly before taking off once more, did a lot to endear the little blue dragon to him. It was his first actual interaction with her, and it struck him that she seemed to keep it as brief as she could, possibly for his comfort. He's a trainwreck during the lull between All or Nothing and War Eternal. Liifa briefly leaves the team to visit his sister, Rylii, for the first time in over two centuries. He tells her nothing of the current state of the world, as her hermit home has kept her mostly out of the loop anyway, and he doesn't want to stress her out. Talking with her after so long also helps to provide clarity to his own feelings about the blue sylvari he's been accompanying. Whether he wants to acknowledge his feelings or not.
He returns to the team, and to Eliana's side, shortly before War Eternal, intending to at least attend the official funeral for Aurene and her Champion. Liifa picks up on what's happening before Aurene is even fully revived. The heartbeat-like pulse of her glow makes him run through all of his medical knowledge, before remembering how Gandara ended. He's the first to inform the group of "Of course she's still alive, she ingested lich magic!" He doesn't say it out loud, but he does hold the hope that maybe she'll have enough strength to revive her Champion as well. He tends to Eliana after she expends much of her energy to use her connection with Aurene to help revive the duo, and he's stunned by the manner of how Phoenix comes back to life. Liifa very much expected her to still be human, maybe just crystallized like how Caithe appears. Instead, the remaining life and magic in Caladbolg is used to assist her revival, and in turn, turns her into a sylvari. A living thorn of the Dream, now. Something about it makes him remember his old friend Trahearne. Assisting as well as he can while keeping an eye on Eliana's health, he happily avoids treading anywhere near Kralkatorrik. He's already narrowly avoided death by one rock-related dragon, and he doesn't feel like making it two. The duo is relieved as Kralkatorrik officially passes, and standing on the bow of an airship as Aurene ascends. As frightening as the journey had been so far, Liifa could tell in his bones that there would still be more to come. The duo mutually agrees on staying with the Commander's Team, intending to help see the Dragon Cycle through to its very end.
Icebrood Saga [WIP]
[To be continued! maybe. someday! when the backstory writing bug hits me again.]
#ok. going back to coding now that that's done.#if u read this whole thing im giving u a forehead kissie <3#c:Liifa#c:Backstories#*sable's stuff#i DO NOT guarantee that the backstories tag will become a thing but Who's To Say...#maliac has backstory that i need to save also. so his might come about in a few days !!#ANYWAY OK THANK U BYE <3
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Does Franscescas story also include miscarriage and infertility?
I would be interested to know how her infertility affects her relationship with her family and friends.
What about Michael? What are his emotions like? What is the wizard perspective of miscarriage and infertility?
Is any Magic involved in making lil'John and Janet?
Anon asked: How is infertility treated in the Wizarding world? How would fran and michael make a family?
*Trigger Warning: this post contains mentions of miscarriage.*
From a young age Francesca always knew she wanted to be a mother and though she briefly wondered if Michael wouldn't be the type of person to ever want kids, seeing just how much he loved doting on their nieces and nephews affirmed that he would one day be the world's best dad. But they still had years ahead of them to start a family and both were content to continue the tour life and enjoyed travelling the world together.
It wasn't until Eloise announced her pregnancy not too long after Penelope's that Francesca brought up the subject of starting a family with Michael. While Eloise had been a mother to Oliver and Amanda for nearing ten years, Francesca genuinely never expected her sister to want to go through a pregnancy herself and what's more she was shocked that Eloise of all people was going to have that experience before she did. She was relieved when Michael turned out to be on the exact same page as her, having felt flabbergasted that Colin was beating him to fatherhood; and so they decided to start trying right away.
After a couple of months Francesca did fall pregnant, however she miscarried after only a few weeks. While it was upsetting, Francesca tried to be pragmatic about it and persevere, assuring herself that miscarriages occur in 1 in 4 pregnancies and it shouldn't discourage her from trying again. However much to her frustration almost an entire year went by before she was able to wave a positive pregnancy test in front of Michael - but unfortunately it resulted in another miscarriage. In spite of the disappointment, Francesca remained determined to get pregnant and once again she and Michael began trying.
However another year went by, during which time Penelope and Eloise each welcomed another baby with relative ease. As happy as she was to meet her newest niece and nephew, Michael could see the hurt in Francesca's eyes when she held Thomas and Georgiana for the first time. He knew just how badly she wanted to be a mother and carry her own child and he was suffering not because of struggle to conceive a baby of their own but to see his wife suffering no matter how hard she tried hiding it.
He resolved to do everything in his power for them to be able to have a baby and took charge; booking fertility tests, looking into IVF, reading up on potions that were meant to increase the chances of carrying a pregnancy to term. He hoped by taking even one of those steps that they'd be on their way to having a baby; however the results of the fertility test revealed that they had a very low chance of ever conceiving a baby naturally. As crushing as it was, Michael refused to let the odds stand in the way of creating a family with Francesca. After contacting the best potion masters in the wizarding world he acquired specialist elixirs that should help them on their way to making a baby, which they took while simultaneously having their first round of IVF. Michael had been trying to keep positive for both himself and Francesca, willing on for all of their efforts to work; and yet both the potions and the IVF proved fruitless, and after three unsuccessful rounds Francesca declared she couldn't go through with another.
After that Francesca couldn't even bear to talk about it, despite Michael trying to get her to open up. He became desperate to try and find some alternative way of conceiving, to the point which he began grasping at straws and looking into dubious potions being sold in Knockturn Alley and even unlawful spells that supposedly might work a miracle. He gathered all the information that he could and presented it to Francesca in a last-ditch attempt to provide her with the one thing she longed for, however Francesca lashed out and firmly told him to stop because if none of the conventional methods worked for them there was no way in hell that any of the nefarious alternative routes would work either.
For the next week Francesca didn't utter a single word to him and a distraught Michael took to sleeping on the couch just to give her space. Then at a family birthday party at Aubrey Hollow, Gregory and Lucy revealed they were expecting their second child; and it turned out to be Francesca's breaking point. She excused herself from the festivities and went up to her old bedroom where she proceeded to cry her heart out. She jumped when there was a gentle knock and told Michael to leave her alone but she was surprised when the door opened to reveal Sophie instead.
Sophie didn't hesitate to rush to her sister-in-law's side, holding her tightly as Francesca cried on her shoulder and the younger woman released all the heartache she had been suffering from over the last three years. When she was no longer able to shed any more tears, she told Sophie all about her infertility struggles, how devastated she was to miscarry twice, and how much it hurt that none of the efforts they had gone to had worked.
"It's not fair." she shook her head. "Eloise never even wanted to be pregnant. Since we were kids she always said she couldn't stand the thought of having a baby bump, and she always joked that getting together with Phil was a win-win because she had Oliver and Amanda without the aches and pains of pregnancy and childbirth; but then she still went on to have Penny and Georgiana like it was nothing." she vented, expressing all the underlying ugly bitterness that had built up inside of her over the years. "And then there's Daphne; popping out four kids in four years with barely any time in between to breathe. And don't get me started on Hyacinth having kids before me - and now Greg's having another baby; I mean, they're still just kids to me and they're already parents and I'm not... and probably never will be." she swallowed and looked away as soon as she saw Sophie tilting her head sympathetically at her. "It's just not fair. How come it's so easy for everyone else?"
Sophie's hand clutched hers as she tucked a loose lock behind Francesca's ear. "I miscarried." she uttered and Francesca snapped her neck to look at her. "Twice."
"Really?" Francesca gulped, stunned to hear that Sophie had experienced the same agony as she had.
"The first one I tried to forget about. It would have been a honeymoon baby and I miscarried early on. I didn't even know I was pregnant until the doctors told me. I couldn't believe it and I felt guilty for not even realising and for miscarrying in the first place. But I shrugged it off and told myself it would have been way worse if we had actually been trying and I had known and celebrated the fact that I was."
"What about the second time?" Francesca asked tentatively and squeezed Sophie's hand, communicating that she could take her time as she was sharing such a vulnerable time in her life.
"We had been trying. And we were so thrilled." Sophie explained and wore a sad smile as she continued. "We agreed we'd wait until the 12 week scan before we told anyone and after everything seemed alright we decided to announce it at Violet's birthday a few days later. But then when I was at work I suddenly experienced cramping... and I knew." she exhaled. "I knew I was losing the baby. Your dad took me to the hospital and called Benedict but by the time he got there the baby was gone. And I felt like my whole world had come crashing down. We begged Edmund not to breathe a word about it. I couldn't stand the thought of Violet or Daphne or Kate or Posy coming over to sympathise. I couldn't bear the thought of anyone who had only experienced successful pregnancies to be around me. And then at your mum's birthday someone passed Miles into my arms and I still don't know how I didn't break right then and there. Do you know what I did instead?"
"What?"
"I ran up to Ben's old room and burst into tears." she revealed, and Francesca's heart thumped emphatically; as heart-wrenching as it was to hear about Sophie's losses, she took comfort that she had done the exact same thing she had done by fleeing to an old bedroom to break down in private. "It was killing me to be around everyone else's babies without being able to call any of them my own."
"That's exactly how I feel." Francesca commiserated. "It's how I've felt for the last three years now. And I hate being this self-pitying jealous-ridden bitter cow. I don't want to feel so angry and sad without any let up... but I don't know what else to do."
"I can't imagine what the last three years must have felt like for you. And I know there's nothing I can say or do to ease your pain. But it's okay to feel everything that you're feeling. Don't let yourself feel bad for those negative feelings and don't be so hard on yourself for not being able to conceive. I know it's easier said than done but you've got to go easy on yourself; for your own sake."
Francesca nodded, knowing Sophie was right, and realising just how exhausting keeping all her emotions to herself was.
"How did it finally happen for you in the end? Did you have Charlie through IVF, or...?"
"We were prepared to try if it came to that." Sophie answered. "But when I was ready to try again we just took it easy. We didn't put pressure on ourselves to be fervently trying. We treated it as more of a let's just wait and see, and if it happens it happens and if it doesn't then we'll give fertility treatments a go. I let go of any expectations and just cherished being with Ben, and then a few months later we found out we were expecting and we had Charlie."
"The doctors said there's a very low chance of us ever conceiving naturally." Francesca uttered. "As much as I'd like to think that just going with the flow could work,"
"But they still said there's a chance." Sophie pointed out. "As low as it might be; there's still the possibility it could happen. I know you've been through so much disappointment and must feel so dispirited; but hold onto that hope. No matter how small it might seem."
After the sisterly heart-to-heart, when they returned home Francesca apologised to Michael for how she had treated him in the last week. It was an apology Michael assured her was unnecessary and he understood how soul-crushing the last three years had been; he was just sorry he couldn't provide her with the one thing she wanted more than anything else. She told him about her talk with Sophie and how they should give it one more year before looking into adoption, but in the meantime they could try without really trying.
And so they chose to let go of all of the heavy expectations that had built up and they had put upon themselves and accepted that conceiving a baby might not happen for them, but not letting that stop them from cherishing each other and getting in the way of their love... and just like that, one year later they welcomed their beautiful baby son, John.
#asks#harry potter au#franchel#michael x francesca#francesca bridgerton#michael stirling#tw miscarriage#sophie beckett
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