#also the fact that this news angered me sm is worrying me lol i just can’t help it…seeing him get mistreated so manu times makes me very | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

inchidentally · 10 months ago

Text

tricky asks time! yeeeesh some of these are... yea I did my best and had to censor stuff. (part 1/2)

there's a reason I bundle these together under a cut so please skip if discourse etc is not your thing <3

oh lordddd. so I think (hopefully) this conspiracy theory either died or ppl just decided to live in denial I really do not care either way. I can't comprehend being so far off base with Carlos and Lando's friendship as to think that Lando replying to his teammate with that clip is somehow heinous or askgfasgfsal "unlike him" it's so on brand for him.

Carlos moving to Monaco is pretty overdue tbh and yea, literally a chunk of the grid already live there. I'm sure he'll eventually hang out w Lando but why wouldn't he also hang out w all the other drivers lol. and if he - god I cannot believe ppl think this - is moving "for Lando" then why wait so long? but then you have to start asking why did he go to Ferrari and well. there's no reasoning w that shit.

side note that's very cute that Lando and Max live close together - rly supports the ask I got about how Max is the driver that Lando actually spends the most downtime with even during the offseason.

and yea, Rebecca has been with him when she's not been on modeling gigs and they both posted parallel stories from the Dolomites today. so if ppl are worried about Carlos not having support then his literal gf is there with him so he very much does. the idea that two hot people found each other on dating apps is I guess too simple!! but if they also believe that Ferrari hate Carlos then why divert resources from their already exhausted PR dept (this is Ferrari we're talking about lol) to the point of hiring, paying and arranging an entire relationship for him?? like you've got to fucking laugh this 1D 2012 stan shit off.

agflasgj wow that was a pretty quick flip from thinking Lando's sm is run by PR to now he personally runs his karting IG!

sorry but I haven't stopped laughing since anons informing me how Charles has had a karting brand for years and this is apparently pretty common for drivers to do. everyone kept acting like it was a carlando moment so I just went with it but apparently - shocker! - Carlos made a business decision not based on Lando.

I mean, I don't ?? Carlos has had the exact same dynamic with each of his teammates but what makes the relationship with Lando special is that they're big brother/little brother. Lando latches onto Carlos as a security blanket and Carlos likes having him around and actually is able to shut down his red mist anger in the car when it comes to Lando. apart from that they're mostly relying on the bromance format of friendship that you can see in most of the grid.

so while if Lando and Oscar had chosen to do the bromance/playing gay thing then sure I'd find it cute and ship it but like. the fact that Oscar is carrying around this sweet years-long sort of crush/fanboy thing about Lando and Lando has openly said that Oscar helps him be reminded to just be himself and be calm... like that is so sweet?? they're both so bashful about physically touching but they have this bond of being basically the same age and both being introverts.

sorry but I wouldn't replace that with a facsimile of someone else's friendship personally!

I do not. get it ! this absolute fantasy that Lando and Carlos would've survived let alone thrived being actual direct competition on the same team has got to be someone who doesn't look at anything F1 related ever outside ships. bc I'm literally a fake and even I know that there's no such thing as teammates competing for race wins and championships with zero friction. and like between Carlos and his family airing all that kind of thing on social media and news outlets and the fact that Lando cannot hide anything on his face, moments like this one would've been happening every other weekend. it's precisely because they weren't on the same team that they could get over that as fast as they did !! even ignoring that Carlos Sr has never once hinted at a return to McLaren, Carlos would never want to risk seeming like he's begging for his old spot back AND no way in fuck would Lando accept being the no 2 driver again.

we get plenty of carlando content still and Lando has said over and fucking over how he's been pushed by Oscar to perform at a level he's never seen in himself before. how are ppl mad about that just bc they don't get a few stupid carlando challenges every couple of weeks?

babe, Lando did have a gf and it didn't dampen carlando truthing at all. it just resulted in a breakup and Lando posting that Luisinha had gotten harassment and death threats. Rebecca is literally dating Carlos and there's a full blown conspiracy theory that she's been "bought and is paid for" by Ferrari to beard for Carlos. do not expect girlfriends to ever change that behavior and don't wish it on any woman.

I just. I'm sorry but how many years have to go by where Lando has a more intimate relationship with countless men and women than he's ever had with Carlos before they just accept that Carlos is one of Lando's F1 buddies but he's not one of his closest friends outside of it (Lando's words!!!) like just enjoy carlando for what it is and stop getting into hysterics bc they're still not fucking or dating or married aslfgjslagflsgalfg

for my own sanity I'm going to pray that twitter acc is joking bc the larry/kpop/yaoi/heteronormative fetishizing of homosexuality/the "girl one" must be hairless and look like a teenager and only bottom as if he were a cisgirl has SURELY been left in 2012. it has to be satire?? it's still extremely cringe satire but like. that cannot be real. either way, block and cleanse that tl anon. I'm not going to spend any more time on that in case they're serious bc that would be tragic.

and I've got to say one thing: I'm sure you didn't mean any harm by it but even suggesting that someone being called or assumed gay is an insult or overstepping is not it, babe. we're not here to coddle cishet ppls anxieties and prejudices or pretend that outrage about it is anything but homophobia. but I fully agree that no one should be talking about a celebrities' sexuality or sex life on highly public platforms esp platforms that the celebrity uses - and esp when it isn't censored and could show in their tags.

at least to anyone under 40 tumblr at least is a known no-go area and fandom-only. it's also extremely difficult for google to trawl (I've googled specifically for a post many times and couldn't find them) and you aren't allowed to scroll past a certain point (even on public accs) without being logged in. so there's no risk of 'stumbling' onto anything here even if it gets directly sent to them. unless the person is older in which case they prob have someone else fielding their sm. this is literally THE place to come and be stupid and silly about fandom.

I mean I do have to agree that there's always an element of 'for the image' when it comes to the Sainz family but honestly Lando is so disarmingly sweet and genuine - and they got to know him as a such a baby - that I have to think at least most of their affection for him is real! now if they knew the carlando content they like on instagram and twitter was intended by a lot of fans as gay then bye bye carlando lol. I'm not gonna wade any deeper into that but yea. we should be grateful they don't understand that aspect of the bromance thing.

but as for the DTS thing I have to think that anyone who sees a bromance being danced around so loudly and publicly and thinks that it's actually a secret gay ship complete with paid beards is twelve years old. it makes me too sad and scared to realize these are tax paying grown women driving these narratives alfhlsahff

IKR?? Oscar is out here with an actual form of real life fanboy crush on Lando but he's incredibly happy and content with Lily and doesn't even push himself into Lando's hobbies or life outside of F1 at all!

whereas Carlos says things like "it's weird that you all want me to kiss Lando" and literally cuffs and scolds Lando like a big brother but supposedly that's being "threatened" by a bashful quiet boy who is happily in a LTR and content to just stare at Lando from afar and be his teammate ????

meanwhile Lando is living his best life being petted and bedded and adored by a queue of lovers that stretches the entire globe and Carlos is continuing his years long habit of serially dating beautiful women and spending most of his time outside F1 training with his buddies. everyone's happy folks, let's just accept that!

honestly anon there's a heavy sprinkling of this that I disagree with and I think I've covered why with the other asks. and I do not engage in war of the rpfs bc none of these ships are "real". and as someone who ships carlando I do have to say that there's at least some decent amount of us who don't do the larrying shit. and that Netflix/DTS have as much a role to play in false narratives as "fangirls". they could easily decide to focus more realistically on the sport but they're choosing to appeal to fans with extreme biases.

but the part about the whole yaoi/heteronormative self-insert quality of how certain people ship carlando is pretty damn accurate. I immediately skip a fic if it's clear that Lando's just going to be this empty character reacting to Carlos the whole time. it's the same thing w people who want Lando to have stayed an insecure teenager w social anxiety who leaned on Carlos' personality and experience. that era was cute but Lando grew up and his career and his life are all his own making. he doesn't revolve shit around Carlos or any other person.

like it's fine if that's how ppl choose to ship something in fandom spaces where everyone else can just block it. but it absolutely should NOT carry over publicly and I should not be seeing as much of Lando's content on various accs and platforms flooded w irrelevant comments and gifs about Carlos as I do.

in a weird creepy way, a lot of Lando pages and fan accs have sort of turned him into how they view girlfriends ?? as if Lando can't be allowed to exist without it always being brought back to Carlos and carlando - and sometimes they'll randomly make an entire edit or carousel about carlando for literally no reason ??

ig that's why they get so angry when Lando blatantly has real life intimate friendships and relationships. hence the Martin hatred mentioned above.

anon you've got it in one. even down to how they've both dealt with the latest drama. they did that drive into Maranello together when we now know they were fully aware of what was coming. and then the BTS of their photoshoot for the 2024 race suits. and then Charles stating at the event the other day how he and Carlos have a special relationship and are friends outside racing as well.

it's got to be awkward as fuuuuuck but they're both choosing as always to put it aside and not let the relationship fall apart or into the distant coldness of Ocon and Gasly. they've been through periods similar to this before and always came back to that place of leaving all that drama at the door.

which is so funny bc if it was all just PR, then Carlos and Charles wouldn't bother! teams have never needed their partnerships to be friendly. they just need each driver to go out and get points. so for them to remain friends despite their families and fanbases being constantly at war, they absolutely are choosing to be!

wellll, I have to disagree bc Carlos being called Ferrari's best strategist by fans means that he clearly is able to ignore team orders and is allowed to not be "perfect". honestly I think Carlos' ballsiness and inability to play second to anyone has clearly never served him poorly w Ferrari ?? this is a team very immersed in traditional patriarchal culture and for all that they are the il Predestinato brand in this era, Sainz Sr said this last season that the car had Carlos' input and customization. so idk I feel like Carlos using aggression and decision would if anything be appreciated by Ferrari. (but I do think the hardballing by his dad with the Audi interest was a step too far for them - even though it sounds more and more like the decision to not renew Carlos was already on the table long before that)

whereas I think that very culture is why Charles is both subjected to and "upheld" by it. there's a difference between a brand like Ferrari deciding to hang your banners over the parapets and them actually having your best interests as a driver at heart. I can't find it now but there was a great post about Charles' frenetic and often erratic driving style getting in the way of his obvious skill and talent. idk I feel like if I was smarter I could draw up a commentary on Charles seeing his name and his face and his successes being spread across everything Ferrari and an almost impotence from fans assigning him such unrealistic idolatry and power - while also assuming an untouchable quality that ends up making him appear weak and in need of constant defending, even from his teammates and Ferrari itself.

it's fucked up, anon, we can agree on that. Seb and Carlos suffering the blunt end of Ferrari's cudgel doesn't necessarily mean that Charles is enjoying much if any power in being protected by it. I wish I could express that better salfsgjlaf

obv again I am a fake so I may be WAY off w all of that so that's why I'm burying this at the bottom - pls ignore it if I'm being dumb <3

#inchreplies #wank adjacent

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lunaekalenda · 4 years ago

Note

i really enjoy your writing and i saw that your requests are open!

can i request a fic or a drabble about levi having a massive crush on y/n but later finds out she has a long term s/o (she doesnt really talk about her relationship) and levi tries to get over her but hes stubborn and he can’t ): BUT y/n gets cheated on by her s/o and levi is there for y/n as she heals and it becomes a REALLY slow burn kinda love (-: could be modern au or canon verse whichever you’re comfortable with

thank u sm in advance! i hope you have a great day <3

hiiii!!! thank you so much, i'm really happy knowing that you enjoy it! 🥺 and thats really cool omg!! i hope you like it and it was what you’ve asked for!!! (also I wrote a lot ajajja sorry i got inspired)

𝔠𝔯𝔲𝔰𝔥

❁ levi x female reader!

❁ maybe levi cursing a bit but nothing we haven’t seen before on him lol

❁ and some kicks but again nothing levi hasn’t done before lmao

"That was a good one!" Connie congratulates you when you're again on the floor. The Titan wood figure is now divided in two parts.

"Next time, be a bit more careful." Jean says, looking to the boys that are trying to fix the figure. "I think they will have a hard time fixing it." You blushed when you looked at the boys, both with their hands in their heads. You bowed at them, saying sorry, when they looked at you.

"But that was a-ma-zing." Sasha says. They all agree and Connie looks to the sky.

"I think it's time to eat. You coming?" you moved your head from one side to other.

"No. Jurian is waiting for me to eat." Connie moved his eyebrows and Jean looked with interest.

You usually don't like to talk about your relationship, but this three were your best friends, and you basically threatened them, telling them that if they opened their mouth you would crack them.

"Oooh, then have fun." Jean says. He and Connie smile to each other.

"And try to eat something more than the other’s mouth." Connie laughed right after saying that, and your ears blushed while you walked to the other exit. They waved their hands at you and you waved yours back. You could see Jurian's hair from where you were. But a hand on your shoulder stopped you.

"Oi, wait."

You recognized that voice. When you turned back, Captain Levi was there, looking at you.

"Yes, Captain?"

You were clueless, but Levi's brain was trying his best to form a coherent phrase.

"You're good at it. But next time, try not to break our training models, got it?" You blushed again, remembering the accident. He looked at you, and you thought he was disappointed, but he was totally hypnotized by the way your ears started to get a red color, along with your cheeks. He cleared his throat and looked away. "Try to be more careful next time, but just in the training."

"Yes, Captain Levi." He turned around and went back to the control point, were Hange was waiting for him.

"Wow Levi, that was by far the longest interaction between you two in years."

"Shut up, four eyes"

"I have never seen you so focused on someone."

Levi clicked his tongue, but Hange was right. He had a damn crush on you since you entered the Survey Corps. But, what really caught his attention, was your innocent appearance, that later did not agree with your fierceness in battle. He fell by the grace of your body as it moved through the trees, and your sweet smile every time you come across him. Your voice is driving him crazy and just thinking of all the times you cared for him makes his heart shake. He looks behind him before leaving the control station, making sure you’re gone.

Jurian was playing with a flower when you arrive. He kisses you cheek before holding your hand.

"Did you wait too much?" he moved his head, saying no.

"It's fine, don't worry."

You two walked in silence towards the cantine, but you never ate there. Jur knows a little field apart from the training camp where you can't be seen. He brought a bag with some food, so you sit on the field and start eating.

"How was the practice?" he asks. You swallow the tea and answer.

"It was fine. Levi came to notify me for breaking a figure." he laughs quietly.

You met Jurian on your second year on the Survey Corps. You were being examinated, they were about to decide in which squad they were going to assign you. Your amazing skills on titan elimination and the control of ODMG assured you a place in the best squads: Levi's, Hange's and Erwin's. If you could have chosen, you would choose Levi's, the Special Operations Squad, but the three captains decided to put you on Hange's squad. You're happy to be there, they are really good as captain and you feel comfortable, but you're not into capture titans and experiment with them.

Jurian was also a soldier trying to enter on one of the highest squads, but he didn't pass the test. He was assigned to a little squad on charge of the food and the carts. You started talking later that day, when he told you that you were lucky to join a squad, and somehow both of you started to see each other everyday, which ended in a relationship of four years and a half. You kept this in secret, because

a) the Survey Corps members are really gossip

b) you're not a fan of showing your private life to everybody.

But, that was your error.

Once you two finished eating, Jur said he had to do some training with his squad.

"Now?" he nods "I thought all the trainings were finished for today"

"It's a special one. You know, carts and that things." You nod. He kisses you fast before leaving. You start to walk towards your room. Not surprisingly, Connie is yelling at Sasha, and she's eating something that looks like an onigiri.

You shared a room with Sasha and Historia, but now that Historia left the Corps, Sasha and you sleep alone. Connie and Jean are always on your room, paassing time, and the four of you became a group.

"Sasha just open your mouth, I want to eat too!" she shakes her head. You sigh before unpacking the bag Jurian gave you, telling that he couldn't bring it with him to the training. At the end of the bag, you saw his belt, where the ODMG has to be fastened. You think that probably the training hasn't started yet. You make your way out of your room, almost colliding with Jean, who was about to enter.

"You're going somewhere?"

"I'll be right back, wait a bit!" You started to run towards the training camp. The captains advise not to go out at night, but without that belt, Jurian was unable to train.

"Where are you going?" Levi's voice scared you. You looked around, but you couldn't see him. "Up here." Your gaze runs to a tree. He's is perched on a large branch of the tree, leaning against the trunk. his Maneuvering gear still on. He goes down fast.

"I... I have to give this to somebody, Captain."

"Interesting... May I accompany you?"

If Levi goes with you, he will discover your relationship with Jurian, but if you say no, he probably distrust and lose all esteem he has for you. So you start telling him when you two start walking.

"It's for my boyfriend." his face freezes.

Right now, on Levi Ackerman's head, the remote possibility of you dating someone has gained weight.

"Boyfriend, huh?" he says. He's about to turn back, run and hit something, but he pressures himself to stay calmly. He knows he has now zero opportunities with you, but he keeps in mind the fact that maybe you two have just started and maybe that relationship is going nowhere.

“Yes. We’ve been together for four years.” Levi almost chokes on his saliva, but he hid it well.

“Tch, I’m just accompanying you, you don’t have to explain to me.” He said. The truth is that hear you talking about your boyfriend hurts him, hurts a lot. But he has to know who is he. You two keep walking. “Wait, where is he? The boy dorms are on the other side.”

“He said he had a training now.” Levi frowned.

“In which squad is he?” He asked. You explained him the position of Jurian, and his eyes where serious. “There aren’t trainings now, and less of that squad. What the hell is he doing?” You looked at him, confused. Jurian is a good and honest guy, it’s impossible that he is lying. “Are you armed?” you shake your head. “Stay behind me and be quiet, got it?”. You nod and Levi starts walking in silence, followed by you. You could see the doors of the training zone from behind him, and two low voices could be heard. You frowned, trying to recognize any of them. One was laughing. It sounded like a woman.

Levi entered the training zone with silent steps, making sure you two aren’t exposed. He pulls a blade out of its sheath, silently, and makes his way to the control station, where a lamp is on. He walks until he’s in front of the door, the voices now can be heard.

“Is it okay, Rian? I mean, your girlfriend...”

“I told you a hundred times she’s so obsessed with being a good soldier and enter Levi’s squad that she’s useless for me. At least she’s pretty and it’s on a good squad.” That voice... That was Jurian. Your boyfriend. The boy you have been dating for the past four years and a half.

And the boy that is cheating on you.

You started crying. You didn’t care about Levi being in front of you our the people inside the cabin. Levi looked over his shoulder to make sure you’re okay. His gaze went a little bit more sweet when he saw you were crying.

He opened the door with one kick, making the two of them yell. Jurian hugged the girl, and you recognized her. She was also in the cart squad.

“What the heck?”

“Tch, I see now.” Levi takes the belt from your hands, and he trows it in front of Jurian. “For this type of training, you don’t need a belt, you bastard.” Levi put his blade again on its sheath. “Do you have something to say?”

“We... wait, why is she here?” He looks at you. Your anger starts to rise at lightning speed.

“You’re a disgrace, Jurian”

“Oh, wait, she’s your girlfriend? I thought it was the girl you were kissing a year ago.” The girl says. You look at her.

“What?” A year ago? So this is not new? You feel your tears running. Levi clicks his tongue once again.

“Look, bastard. You’ll be cleaning horse shit from now on, and I’ll put in your position someone who takes his job seriously and does not dedicate himself to being unfaithful and flirting with all the women of the regiment”

Jurian opened his mouth before starting to yell.

“You’re no one to give me orders! and I will not tolerate disrespect towards my person withou...”

“I’m tired of hearing you.” Levi kicked Jurian’s knee with strength, making him fall. He growled. “Now, do what I said, because I’ll remind you in case you have forgotten: I’m your Captain. I can give you orders and beat your ass up if you’re being disrespectful towards a comrade.” he says. Jurian tries to get up, failing a couple times, and the girl he was with runs before being scolded by Levi. “Now go.”

“But I’m taking my girlfriend with me.” he says.

“I’m not your girlfriend.”

“We haven’t broke up yet.”

“Huh?” Levi asks. “Do you think she wants to see your face again? Let's go." He says to you. You nod.

"You're really going with him without hearing an explanation?" Jurian says from the floor. You stop, looking at him, but Levi reaches your hand.

It's well-known that Captain Levi avoids all type of contact, so his hand holding yours surprised you. You followed him, letting Jurian behind. Once you have walked a while, Levi stops.

"Are you okay?" he asks. You have your eyes wet, almost crying again. Levi remembers his hand on yours and lets it go. "Well, I'm sorry you saw that."

"Better for me watching it. At least now i know he wasn't a good guy."

"He's a bastard and he doesn't deserve a girl that cares that much." he says. You look at him but he starts to walk again. You follow him. "Go straight to your room, talk with your friends and rest a bit." he says. "I'll go notice Erwin about the use of the training camp on free hours." You nod and Levi scans your face. "You're okay?" he asks again. You nod and show him a little smile. He turns back.

That smile was about to kill him. You returned to you room, the three voices yelling could be heard from outside.

"We should go and search her!" Sasha says.

"But she's with her boyfriend, let her have fun" This time is Connie

"But don't you think she has been outside for a while?" Jean agrees with Sasha. You open the door and the three of them sigh. "How was it?" Jean asks. Your eyes are still wet and your breath isn't rhythmic.

"He was cheating on me. For years." They all looked at you. Connie and Sasha shared a gaze before hugging you. "Did you said something to he?"

"Fortunately, Captains Levi was with me... I'll have to thank him tomorrow." Jean moved his enormous body to yours, and covered you with a hug after Sasha and Connie ended. Your friends, well, you four had a special friendship, and you couldn't be more thankful for having them by your side.

The next day, when you knocked on the official's room searching for Levi, Hange smiled at you.

"He went today on a little expedition with Erwin. He's going to return on a couple hours. Do you want to help me cleaning the titan's place while you wait?"

You didn't want, but Hange looked so happy you couldn't say no. After a couple hours, nobody told you two that the expedition came back. An hour later, there was no sign of return. Another hour later, you two were about to lose your nerves when a cadet entered running.

"Only fifteen from the twenty that went are back, and all of them are injuried, we need help!"

Hange and you ran from the titan's experiment zone to the improvised hospital. There, a lot of soldiers where laying on beds, with several injuries. Levi was leaning against the wall. You walked towards him and he looked at you.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Are you okay?" you asked at the same time. You had that natural impulse to worry about everybody, but now that Levi helped you, you felt a debt to him.

"I'm okay." he says, but he has a long cut in the abdomen, it even tore his shirt from the deep.

"Would you let me help, Captain? I have a little knowledge of injuries, and the one on your abdomen looks bad." He looked at it and clicked his tonge.

"If it is okay for you..." He walks to a empty room and sits on the bed. You look at him, examinating the cut. "Do you need me to undress?" he asks. You nod silently and he starts to unbotton his shirt. His head was a mess. He's not working with normality since he's about to have your hands on his nude body. "Just the shirt, no?" you look at the cut now that it is discovered. A little bit of it is hidden under his pants, but nothing to die for. You nod again while threading the needle. "Have you stitched a wound before?"

"Yes, I helped Connie and Jean a couple times." Levi looks at you, but when you turn around and your eyes meet, he looks through the window. You clean his wound with a little bit of water before start stitching it. You work on silence and Levi is really quiet, not like the other two boys. You let your eyes look his skin. It isn't smooth or soft, full of scars and poorly healed wounds. You kept working on the cut, Levi's face showing pain. His skin was hot against your fingers. Captain Levi has been always a role model for you.

His abilities on battle and the way he speaks to you make you think of him as a true captain. Connie is lowkey scared of him and Sasha says that he's superior to all the army together. Levi could be distant sometimes, but you never experienced that before. The way he always assists your kills and helps you when you're in danger says a lot about him. His grey eyes were fixed on your face, concentrated on making a good work on his skin.

"Does it hurt?" you ask, your voice lowered because of the concentration.

"No." he simply answers. You where about to end stitching. Once you're finished, you cut the restant thread and clean it a bit with water. "Thanks."

"Thanks to you, Levi." his heart shaked. You didn't use Captain before his name. You where treating him like a person, not like a superior. "For helping me yesterday."

"It was nothing." he says, simply. He pulls a shirt out of a nearby ark and dresses carefully. "So you wanted to enter my squad?" he asks, trying to lighten the mood. You look at him, surprised. It's the first time Levi tries to hold a conversation and he remembers what Jurian said yesterday night.

"Yes, that's why I worked so hard." you explain. Jean, Connie and Sasha are part of it, and with Levi as the Captain, they were recognized everywhere. "I really admire the way you fight and help the soldiers. I really wanted to be part of the Special Operation Squad." His face is serious, but he's regretting telling Hange inside. They were who told Erwin, and Erwin decided to put you on a squad where Levi has no business, to avoid him from get distracted or give his life for yours. Damn.

"Actually, I need someone with your strength on battle." he says. He's lying, with him and Mikasa in the same squad... "Move to our squad with your friends." he sounds indifferent, but he's so nervous his soul is about to leave his body. You looked directly at him, happy.

"For real?" That expresion, oh man. You have destroyed the Captain with it. You are so beautiful, looking at him with your eyes sparkling from happiness. "She's so close" he thinks, but then he retracts himself. "No, Levi, no." He just wanted to hug you and tell you he was going to reach you no matter what, and be there for you every time you needed him. He (surprisingly) wanted to kiss you softly to feel you melt against his body and look at your eyes sparkling for the rest of his life.

But he nods. He just nods. You smile at him and bow in signal of respect. "Thanks, Captain!"

"I'll talk to Hange, don't worry about it. Oh, and you can call me Levi. Formalisms are only for threathening." You let out a quite laugh. He kind of smiles, and you tell him how he should take care of the stitches ("I had my wounds stitched before, y/n") before leaving to tell your friends you four are going to train together starting next week.

Hange was sad because you left their team, but they were also happy because a boy who really likes titans entered on your place. In any way, you promised Hange to keep in touch with them.

The trainings with Levi's Squad were hard, but they where worth it. The first day, Levi told you to watch their training, and you were amazed by the way they train. Connie and Sasha making double surprise attacks; Jean and his superior ODMG control and leadership; Eren learning to use his titan form with Mikasa having his back, and Armin making strategic plans on a second. And Levi. The grace of his body, the speed and the strenght, the precision of his cuts. The first day you trained, Levi destined you to Jean's sub-captaincy, but, when he was observing you, he thought maybe you where the one with whom he could make the most effective double maneuvers. So you two started to train together, as a team of two. At first it was difficult for you, Levi is just a born soldier, and your abilities have been born of effort. But, you learned from him, and you quickly joined his movements. He was surprised by the way you understood his next movements without telling you. Months later, you two are on complete sync. He's comfortable with you, but the fact that now he talks with you every day, spend every single minute with you and also works with you is making him go insane. All this months of couple training and couple missions made you understood that Levi really cares for all of you, from Eren to Sasha, and he's having your back on every kill, on every assistance, on everything. All the times you ran out of gas or your blades weren't working well. When a titan tryied to kill you or the times you cried because of the death of your comrades. All those times, he was there for you, holding your hand, letting you cry on his neck or smiling to you after a good mission. The fact that, for the first time, you had someone who understands you and who really cares for you by your side, make your heart flutter.

"You're not going to ask her out?" Hange asked Levi. He clicked his tongue but stayed on silence. On the other hand, Jean was following you to your room.

"You like Levi." he said. You blushed and looked at your friend.

"N-No! Jean, the fuck?!" He laughed but raised an eyebrow in your direction.

"Oh, come on! I'm your best friend, you're obviously falling for the Captain. And I bet he's attracted to you." Your blush increased. But, maybe you liked Levi? You thought. It wasn't impossible. He always treated you so good, and his attractive face and his perfect body... Maybe you were falling slowly for the Captain... For the way you feel protected, important and adored when he fights with you, or the intimacy when you heal each other after a mission. The way he talks to you, and he listens all your ideas. You feel somehow important when he's areound you. Jean smiled slowly. "Go and tell him." You looked at your best friend with surprise. "You like him, for godness sake, you should tell him!" All this months, a little love flame has been increasing on your heart, little by little, but Jean's words made you realice you're about to burn.

You like Levi. You like your Captain.

"And if he rejects me?" Jean laughed before hugging you.

"Then he's a dork. But then keep things profesional. But I'm 100% sure he feels the same. Now go!" You follow Jean's advice and search Levi on the trees, were he was standing guard four months ago. You found him on the same tree, in the exact same position. He laughs when he sees you.

"You're going to return a belt?" he asks. You laugh while he goes down the tree. You shake your head.

"Actually I was searching you." Your hands were sweating and you couldn't make eye contact. He noticed that.

"It's everything okay?" He asked. You nod.

"It's just... What do you think of Captain-Subordinated relationships?"

"They have to be respectful to each other, I guess... Wait, did I made something wrong" You shake your head. Damn, this was hard. Killing a titan was a hundred times easier. "Then?" he was running out of patience.

"Maybe I started liking you, Captain Levi."

He had to blink twice. All the little Levi's working on his head were about to start a fire on his brain. "What?" he asked. His hands were about to tremble, but he hid it while asking you again. "What did you said?" You looked at him, but his face was unreadable, as usual.

"That I like you. Romantically talking. I just wanted to tell you, but now we can keep things profesional and this never happened, but I wanted to be honest with you and with myself." You stretch your hand towards him, and he keeps looking at you, but then he starts laughing. You don't understand anything. Like why the hell is he laughing? Does he think a love declaration is funny? But he looks at you.

"For years, I liked you for five fucking years. I still like you. Hange told me to forget you but I was unable. So I guess all my effort has been rewarded with a caring and pretty girl?" You laugh nervous, is he pranking you? But he's serious. His hand takes yours, but he pulls you towards him. "I cared for you and tried to call your attention, and then discovered you where with that boy. But you didn't deserve what he dis to you. I wanted to kick his soul out so bad. Why he, that had you, was looking for others and make you feel bad? Tch, he was lucky you were there." His hands searched yours. "I'm not a huge fan of physical contact, but every time you healed me I just could think of your hands in all my body. And sorry, but I really like you."

You both stayed in silence for a bit. So it was corresponding? And now? You're dating? You're going to keep things distant?

"So you think we should keep things like we have been doing?" He frowned.

"The hell, y/n? No. If we both like each other, isn't that how relationships start?" he was right. "Unless you don't want to."

"I was the one telling you first, of course I want."

"Cool. Should we discuss this drinking a cup of tea?" He asks. You nod before taking his hand, and looking for his reaction, you tangled your fingers with his. He smiled and took you hand to his lips.

"Let's go, Levi."

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nad-zeta · 4 years ago

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Match up (◕‿◕✿)

nAdDy sEnpAi if you’re still doing ikevamp matchups, could you do mine pleaseee 👉🏼👈🏼, school’s been really hectic and i need a pick me up 😔😔 here’s my updated info hehe 😚

I’m a female on the libra-scorpio cusp and a Slytherin, I used to be an ENFP but now I’m an INFP. Appearance-wise, I’m 5'2, i’ve brown eyes and caramel brown hair. I also wear glasses and I’m also quite tanned from being out in the sun all the time.

Personality-wise:

- I can be really enthusiastic about stuff I’m really interested in, such as history (especially world war history), sciences (but physics is trash to me) and anime (I’m a closet nerd hehe) .

- I can be really ambitious and competitive, and I would sometimes place unrealistic expectations on myself, leaving me mentally exhausted and stressed, but like i place these unrealistic measures on myself to strive to be the best

- I do try to chill and take it slow, but you know, sometimes i just can’t 😅

- I’m quite an open book to all my close friends

- I also tend to be really possessive, like I dont like people purposely trying to steal my friends (it happened a lot of times before) and i hate it when someone randomly butts into a conversation i’m having with anyone, especially if it’s a deep conversation

- I can be really awkward around people i don’t click with, but around people i click with, i can be pretty wild and will be able to hold conversations with.

- I tend to procrastinate a lot, and people say i look intimidating but i don’t feel like I’m intimidating.

- I can be really sensitive to other’s emotions and i tend to put others before me, so like my close friend always told me that i’m too much of a giver, like I try to please everyone else and ignore myself

- My love languages are physical touch and quality time

- I can’t stand people who are attention seekers or just aim to be public nuisances as i feel that they’re just really irritating and it gets on my nerves, especially those people who are just doing stupid things to be popular (which is lowkey why i think tiktoks dances are dumb, like seriously i dont get the hype, but i do like tiktok meme videos tho)

- I listen to a lot of different genres of music, but i especially love classics (mozart and chopin are my favourites) and pop.

- I can really insecure at times, because i always feel that every other girl out there is better than me and i’m just a plain and ugly, and partially because i got bullied when i was younger about my appearance

- I like dressing up and putting on makeup occassionally, but i do act like a tomboy most of the time (ie. I hate skirts, like i really dont like them and i have no idea why, but jeans are supreme).

- I also love playing the piano and singing as well, even though i’m not that good at it :D

- People tell me that I’m very curious and persistent, constantly pushing until i get answers, but i do know my limits.

- I’m also very passionate about things I love, and i would do anything to protect people that i care and love.

- I’m also very affectionate and supportive towards my close friends and people i love. - I do have trust issues and I often feel like i do not deserve love and that I hate people who betray my trust.

- I’m ok with pda, but not anything overly affectionate, like hand-holding and kissing is ok, but not making out 😳😖

- I also tend to be pretty forgettful, and i’ll not eat for hours to get my work on hand done (whoop pretty unhealthy but :0)

- I’m also really sarcastic when i want to be, and i can’t hold a poker face to save my life (i swear i always start laughing like 2 seconds in) and I tend to sass people a lot, especially if I’ve had a bad day

- I’m also pretty fiesty and I hate people stereotyping me for my gender (i.e like when someone says that “oh you’re pretty good for a girl”) like what does my gender have to do with my ability? Like there is zero correlation

- My sense of humour is kind of twisted at times but i really love memes and i tend to crack inappropriate jokes sometimes

- I’ve been told that i come across as really flirty to some guys but it’s because i can be really touchy feely to my friends

- I’m also quick to anger, especially if i have a bad day, i hate people who nag and i hate people who put down others

- I’m kind of touch-starved, so i really like hugs and cuddles, but I’m also ticklish so my friends tend to tickle me when hugging me

- I can be a daydreamer at times, like I would get stuck in my own fantasy world when i shouldn’t 😂😂

- I’m also a drama queen around my friends, I dont have a lot of them in real life because of some rumours that others spread, so i only have a close circle of friends i really treasure and would do anything for them

- I also tend to bottle up all my anger and negative thoughts, and would sometimes like explode on others even though I don’t mean to

- Sometimes I don’t really think before I say or act, which is why sometimes I can come off as a bit rude or unfeeling but it’s just me and my impulsiveness

Fun Facts:

- i really love food, especially sweets (dark chocolate and dango is my life)

- i really hate horror movies (I’m usually pretty brave, but horror movies just get to me so much ergh) but i love chick flicks and adventure flims

- I’m also a hopeless romantic, which is why even little romantic gestures can make my heart flutter

- My hobbies are reading, writing and shooting (only air-rifle though)

- I used to be pretty athletic, I still am, but to a lesser extend now, because i injured my left knee playing volleyball in the past. It’s on it’s road to recovery, but it still hurts quite badly when i overexert myself.

- I love artic foxes and cats, dogs are too energetic for me 😅

- I’m also a sneaker hoarder and I love collecting and wearing sneakers hehe, heels are like torture devices for the feet i dont care even if they make me taller

- Coffee over tea anyday, no offense to peoples who like tea, but a fresh cup of brewed coffee is one of the best things in the world 😚

- I’m really terrible at drawing, I’m not gonna kid you. When i was younger, my art teacher threatened to fail me because im really terrible at drawing. 😂

- I’m also very injury-prone and a bit clumsy, which caused me to have bruises occasionally

- I’m kinda bad and math and physics, but like if you take your time to explain to me then I’ll understand a bit more lol, my best subject is like chemistry

- my ideal date would just be cuddling with my boyfriend, and either watching a movie together or bookshop date hehe

uwu i would be super grateful and happy if you did my matchup uwu thank you sm sending you all my love and hugs and cuddles 🥰💖💕

Hi hi, lia! ❤I’m so happy ya requested! 😆Hehe, I hope you enjoy it love, and I hope this cheers ya up! Love ya lots, and I hope you enjoy it! ❤😊

So I match you with……………. Isaac

Oh, the first time Isaac spotted you in the dining room, introducing yourself to everyone, he was paralyzed with fear. You quite possibly looked more intimidating than anyone he has ever met in his whole entire life, and that’s saying a lot considering you were standing right next to his pure blooded vampire, sire. Comte spotted Isaac hiding behind the doorway of the dining room, peaking in to catch a glimpse of their new guest. You instantly turned around when you heard the blond vampire beckon, someone closer, whose name you know all too well. He had been the cause of endless amounts of math and science homework over the years.

Your eyes locked with his for a split second, but moments after you met his rosy eyes he darted them to the ground. “I-s-saac Newton, n-nice to meet you.” You gave him a shy smile and took his outstretched hand and shook it, before you could even say a word, Arthur budded in and interrupted. An action which caused you to feel slightly irritated, Isaac looked up at your face and saw that you were starting to become awkward with being the centre of attention. The two of you still held hands when the physicist decided to pull you into the kitchen with him to give you a moment of peace. You smiled when he is a very soft meek voice confessed that he didn’t really like crowds or loud people, a little fact that the two of you bonded over. And before you knew it, you and Isaac were now sitting in the kitchen chatting away in a deep conversation about your mutual dislike of overcrowded places, bullies and plain old public nuisances.

The next day you decided to curiously explore the mansion. You came across a great big library, and you felt as excited as a kid on Christmas day. They had every and any book you could possibly wish for. You decided to spend the day doing something you absolutely loved, and that would be... reading. You had found yourself an old outdated science book, and you were honestly so fascinated at how little had changed in terms of scientific principles over the years. You were so invested in the book you were reading you didn’t even hear Issac walking in. He was on the hunt for his little hedgehog.

You were awoken from your book reading trance when you heard the sound of a vase smash against the floor. Startled you turned your head towards the loud crash only to see a very distressed looking Isaac. You are naturally sensitive to other emotion, and very much a giver, so it only took one glance at Isaac’s troubled face to prompt you into action. You noticed that he had cut himself on the fallen vase and he was now down crouched on the floor trying to retrieve his terrified hedgehog, who had gotten himself caught at the bottom of one of the large bookcases.

Wordlessly you laid on the floor beside Isaac and peered under the bookcase, when you spotted little Harry cowering in the dark corner tangled in a ball of wool. Your hands and arms were much smaller than Issac’s, so you were easily able to reach under the bookcase and secure the little hedgehog. Both of you sat up as you cradle the scared little animal in your hands, trying to untangle the wool that was wrapped around his body. “My God, Harry, I was worried sick about you, please never disappear like that again.” both you and Isaac breathed a sigh of relief at the now rescued critter.

That is when you looked up and noticed that Harry wasn’t the only hedgehog who had been injured, “Isaac, your hand!” You stood up and offered Isaac a hand up, you then gently took his hand in yours and led him to your room. You sat him down on your bed and gently started treating the injury as Harry had made himself comfortable, now sleeping on your pillow. While treating Isaac’s injury, you started chatting away with him. You could see him blushing profusely from embarrassment so you decided to tell him about the book you were reading before the whole fiasco. At the mention of the science book, Isaac instantly perked up and met your enthusiasm ten fold. After his wound was wrapped and treated, the two of you sat in deep conversation for the second time that week, chatting all about science and your mutual love for the subject. And that my dear friend is how you and Isaac had become good friends

Since that day, it wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to be sitting across from each other in the library, reading away. Usually, Harry would be nestled in your lap as you and Isaac enjoy a quiet afternoon together. Some afternoon the two of you would just simply sit in silence and read while other afternoons were filled with laughter and conversation between the two of you cuties.

As the days went on Isaac had noticed a very curious fact about you, and that was how forgetful you were. He had noticed that you would go hours and hours without eating or drinking something which strangely enough, was the exact opposite of him, who required minimum routine of five meals a day. It was this curious observation that had started the habit of the two of you dining together every day. Something which both of you really enjoyed, especially now that the two of you were determined to find the best sweets in all of Paris. Every day without fail, at lunchtime you and Isaac would go out to town to try a new cafés for lunch and sweet. These café crawls usually involved Isaac showing you around Paris, visiting book stores together and leisurely walking beside the Seine. You honestly loved spending time with this hedgehog, who had seemed to have completely opened up to you.

Isaac loved your inappropriate jokes and twisted humour and would bust out into uncontrollable laughter whenever you would crack a joke. One time as the two of you were sitting on the fountain’s edge eating some ice cream, you saw a man falling up stairs. As hard as you tried, you couldn’t keep a poker face, it just wasn't in you, especially when Isaac had just witnessed the exact same scene and was now looking at you and snickering. Of course, being the sweet angels you were, you rushed to see if the man was alright, however, your walk home with Isaac was filled with jokes and endless laughter of the days events.

Ooh how Isaac had fallen head over heels for you, his favourite thing in the world was to hear you sing and play the piano. He would silently walk into the piano room whenever you played, and just let the beautiful sounds wash away his weariness of the day. He would shower you with endless compliments, even more so, when you would deny them, saying that you aren’t that good. These playful little banter fights usually end with him tickling you. He usually won’t give up until you admit that you are the best singer and piano player in the whole mansion. Cue Mozart walking in like challenge accepted.

The night Isaac finally confessed his feeling for you was on, one warm summers night. The night started of with Isaac taking you out to watch a musical concert. He knew just how much you love music. Before he had met you, he had never really bother taking the time to listen to music, as he had always been far to absorbed with his own work, to stop and smell the flowers. However since meeting you, he found himself utterly enjoying going to the opera and musical concerts and letting himself just get absorbed by the sound of music. He loved the way your eyes gleamed as you watched and listened to the performance.

After the concert, he lead you out into the garden, where his telescope had been all set up. The two of you sat together and stargazed while Mozart played some romantic classical music in the background, which was arranged by the resident hedgehog himself. Somewhere between the beautiful sight of the stars and the gentle melody playing in the background. Isaac build up the courage to finally reveal to you just how madly in love he was with you. He then produced a bunch of red roses out of thin air and resting in the roses was a card with a hand-drawn meme ( courtesy of Sabastian) asking you in the most hilarious way to stay in the past with him. The two of you met in a sweet kiss and the rest of the evening was spent cuddled in each other’s arms under the stars.

Both of you are pretty touch starved creatures, so expect to be cuddled, snuggled, kissed and hugged whenever Isaac comes across you. Like if Isaac spots you in the garden hanging laundry he will give you the biggest hug from behind, kiss your neck and then tell you how much he loves you, before he is off with Napo to teach the children.

Don’t worry about your impulsive behaviours, bottled up emotions or a quick temper. Isaac might be new to the whole human behaviour thing but he is very in-tune with your emotions and he will instantly pick up when you are feeling upset or angry. He will aim to fix every and all problems immediately, especially if it is causing you hurt or upset. This also counts for when you are over stressing yourself, about putting too high an expectation on yourself. If he sees you getting angry, stressed or frustrated, he will pull you into his arms and gently stroke your hair, you can’t be angry when you are being so gently held and loved. Isaac will sit an listen to all your troubles.

He always encourages you to communicate whenever you are having negative emotions so he can help you through it the best way he knows how, with cuddles. He would usually make you a cup of coffee and pull you into his lap and cuddle you, as you unpack everything and anything that had upset you that day. He will patiently listen and leave small little kisses on your cheeks to remind you that he is there for you and will support you no matter what

He loves your competitive side, even more so when you use it to win a bet and beat Arthur. HE also loves how open-minded you are. The two of you often teach each other new skills, for example, you have been teaching Isaac how to shoot while Isaac has been patiently teaching you maths and science.

He low key loves how possessive you are and is just as possessive over you. He absolutely adores you and will remind you of that every single day.

He loves holding your hands and giving you small kisses on the cheeks whenever the two of you go out together. He honestly can’t believe it when you feel insecure about the way you look, “You are honest to God, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” Will tickle you and shower you with kisses and loving words whenever you are feeling insecure about yourself.

He will always snicker when your feisty side comes out. Like whenever you sass the men at the banquets for spewing gender based stereotypes and being ignorant. Once they have been put in their place, Isaac while still laughing at the hilarious smack-down you just gave the ignorant men will always give you the sweetest kisses, “God, I love you so much.”

Isaac legit loves everything about you from your quick temper to your clumsy streak. You best be sure this hedgehog is ganna be right by your side whenever you clumsily injure yourself. He will legit sweep you off your feet and nuzzle into your neck, all while making sure you didn’t injure yourself too severely.

This boy loves you to the moon and back and would do anything to make you happy. If you are overexerting your injured knee you best be sure he will piggyback you to his room and do everything in his power to ease away the pain. Even if that means taking a soothing hot bath with you.

Often the two of you cuties can be found cuddled together, each reading their own book. Both your love languages are physical touch and quality time so Isaac is happiest when you are nestled near him simply spending some good quality time together.

Other potential matches…………. Comte

I hope you have the best day lia! Sending ya all the hugs! ❤❤🌻 @i-sleep-like-napoleon

#matchups #match ups #ikevamp matchup #ikevamp match up #ikemen vampire isaac #ikevamp isaac #ikevamp isaac newton #isaac newton #isaac match up #submission

27 notes · View notes

prince-boi · 7 years ago

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From Your Dearest

Reader x Mark

Word Count: 2,760~ish words idk I didn’t count properly, I know there’s 1,034 “i”s in this fic

Angst, Like really angsty, like get some tissues angsty. Major Angst ahead lol. Like I felt like a horrible person writing this. I want to punch myself in the face.

(Btw I just copied and pasted half of a fic I wrote like idk last year or something and I changed the ending of the story too. So don’t get pissed and call me out if you think I’m lazy or something, mate.)

We met each other at the grocery store:

“Mum! Who’s that girl!” a small boy asked in while pointing to y/n.

“Oi! Don’t point! That’s rude Mark!” the parent scolded. The boy pouted, he only wanted an answer.

Y/n’s parent bent down to his level, “I’m your mother’s friend, this is y/n, she will be staying at your place for a little bit because I need to do some grown-up things. Is that okay with you?” Mark looked up at his mother with a questioning face, she chuckled and nodded. Mark sneaked a glance at the shy girl that was hiding behind the unfamiliar adult and held out his hand, smiling as he did so,

“Let’s be friends!”

When we entered primary school:

Our parents sent us to the same school, we knew no one else besides each other and some other kids from our neighbourhood. We all ran into our lines, ready to be welcomed into a neat classroom as the bell rang.

“Good morning students! My name is Ms Gonsha, I will be your teacher.” Little Lunch Reference.

The teacher started calling the roll, and after we started our first lesson: Art.

Paint few here, pencils shreddings were being emptied in the bins, glue was being eaten, crayons were being snapped in half.

“Art is my favourite subject” You stated happily to Mark. You and Mark had grown close to each other since the first day they met, they were a troublemaking duo, partners in crime.

“Mark! Come sit with us!” Y/n called over.

It was lunch-time and Mark was sitting on the swing-sets alone, eating his chicken sandwich. You ran over, grabbing his wrist and lunch box, dragging him back to your lunch table with all your other friends.

After you all finished eating, you played tiggy with all the other kids until it was home time.

Highschool - Junior years, a place with a cess-pool full of moody and rowdy kids:

“Boys are better than girls!! We’re stronger!”

“Wrong! Strength doesn’t make someone better! It’s obvious that girls are way better!”

Here we go again, the groups are fighting over the lunch tables. Mark could see that you weren’t having much fun in this, and neither was he. Mark wanted to get out ASAP. Sneaking over, he tugged your uniform. Grabbing your arm, he pulled you away and sitting you under a tree.

“It sucks that you’re taller than me, you’re a girl!”

“Nah, you just haven’t had your growth spurt yet.” You loved teasing Mark with your height, it was typical for girls to be taller than most boys at this age, after all, you just hit puberty.

You and Mark had kept your distance during your time in 7 to 9th grade. Everyone always seems to think that someone was dating even if they were JUST friends.

Finally, Senior year of highschool. We’re almost mature and fully grown adults, graduation on our minds:

It wasn’t a surprise that you two got shipped a lot in school. Almost the entire year level knew you guys were the best of best friends. It was obvious too, you two were the clowns of the class.

However, that was when you found out you had a disease in your cardiovascular system. A sickness that affects the function of the human heart that could lead to the grave, if not treated. Nobody knew this, not even Mark, only the people in your family.

The first time you found out, you were crushed, devastated.

Mark was always there by your side though. He never knew the reason for why you were also so upset, tired or growing weak so suddenly. It took a while to pull you out of your hole of misery, but he did.

Through this journey, you learnt many things about appreciation, value and time. You experienced many emotions, most of which were new to you. However, one emotion struck you hard.

This emotion or ‘feeling’ is the driver of passion, anger, desire, lust, insanity or spirit within many people.

This feeling is known no other than ‘love’.

Which one day lead to you leaving a secret love letter in a special someone’s locker on Valentine’s Day.

University and College, we’ve been separated, but we were only a few blocks away from each other. Is this fate that we’ve been together for so long?:

Laughing filled the dorm room.

“HAHAHAHAHA, STOP IT NOW MY STOMACH HURTS.” one of your colleagues yelled. You just cracked one your all-time joke, the best joke you had used since you were young.

Life was good, well, except for the fact that you still had the heart disease and still never told Mark how you really felt about him. It was too late for that now.

Since you guys were separated into different study centres, he managed to find a girlfriend. Well, the girlfriend found him really. It hit you hard the moment he told you, but you were happy for him, even though you felt a BIT bitter. read: very

The future - the one thing no one can correctly predict, nor can they promise success or failure. This powerful thing contains the fate that could send you to the streets or lead you to your dreams:

You were happy, we had your dream job, moved overseas and you were still young. Mark had made it into SM Entertainment. He is in a group called NCT. Not only did he debut but he did it THREE times, too!(and possibly more in future). Another thing was that he wasn’t dating anymore, the girl he went out with turned out to be a mongrel.

Cliché or not, she was a backstabber and used him to get what she wanted: to make her ex jealous. Leaving Mark dangling with insincere memories.

You still loved him. You still looked at him with all the love in the world. All the love the universe could give you. The pure, innocent, puppy love waaaay back in highschool.

Halfway through the year, you got an emergency call to go to the hospital.

“Miss (your last name), I’m afraid your heart can’t take it anymore, you still have long left. We estimate you to only live 1 more year unless we find a matching heart donor.” the doctor said in a stern tone.

There. That was the moment. The sentences that made the cookie crumble.

You broke down, your life was perfect the way it was, a loving best friend, a wonderful job, a beautiful home. What did you do to deserve this?

Later that week, you manage to find courage. After getting a grip on yourself, you decided to go to Mark’s dorm to tell him the long-awaited news.

3 knocks on the door were all it took for you to suddenly hear someone storming to the door, flinging it open.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?!!” Mark screamed. You saw that he had tears on his flushed, rosy cheeks, glassy, swollen eyes and red tinted nose. You glanced behind him, seeing a wire bin, filled with squishy tissues, probably from runny snot and tears.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to–”

“I AM YOUR FRIEND. No. YOUR BEST FRIEND. FOR HOW MANY YEARS?! I THOUGHT YOU WOULD TELL ME THESE THINGS!” you’ve never seen Mark like this in a long time. He was broken, roaring out all his bottled anger and frustration.

You were about to say something when he embraced you in a tight grasp.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being there, I’m sorry for yelling….” you felt your shoulder getting wet, and lead him. Sitting him down on the sofa.

You calmed him down and consulted him. You lightened the mood a little by telling Mark his favourite joke. Light sounds of laughter were heard throughout the night.

Mark decided to let you stay at the dorms for the night.

You only had 3 months left, I promise to give you everything, even if it kills me:

You had never felt so alive for so long. Mark had shown you places you never thought you’d see, both physically and spiritually. Nothing was on your mind but what was happening at the moment. Mark had taught you how to live - to live in the present and not worry about the future or dwell in the past.

After the many adventures, the both of you had been on, Mark said that he had to start promoting with NCT again. You hadn’t seen him for almost 2 months. The first month he had some issues to sort out with his company, before meeting you again. However, it was only a short visit before he had to return to Canada to visit his family. Staying there for 1 month.

You received a letter from the hospital, saying that you were blessed. They had finally found a heart donor that matches you!! You were so happy and in complete bliss. You wanted to call Mark and tell him about the notice, but he didn’t pick up. You tried again for the next few days, he still never picked up.

The night sky shone through the window as you laid in the hospital bed. You checked your phone one last time before you decided to sleep. Then you realized Mark had finally contacted you by text.

Mark: I’m so sorry y/n, I won’t be able to make it to you on time. I hope surgery will go smoothly. Trust my heart.

I’m sorry, last goodbyes are always difficult. Please know that I’ll be watching over you:

The day finally came. You were getting your heart transplant. As you entered the operation room, you were scared, but you thought of the text Mark sent, it calmed you just a little.

When you healed, the first place you went to was Mark’s dorm. You continued knocking. Until a very sleepy Haechan swung open the door.

“Who are you, and why do you have to visit us at such an ungODLY HOUR on the weEKENDS!”

“MorNING HAECHAN!! Is Mark here?!”

No answer.

You cocked your head at Haechan’s reaction. Usually, he would’ve given you a snide remark or joke about what Mark was up to. However, this time he lowered his head. Shuffling back inside, leaving the door wide open for you to come in.

You run in the living room, not a sign of Mark. Just Jaehyun, Doyoung and Taeil watching a movie. They turned to you, Doyoung opened his mouth to say something but you heard someone call out in the kitchen. Waving politely to the three boys sitting on the couch, you headed towards the kitchen.

“Hi Taeyong, Yuta, Winwin! How are you all?”

“Hi y/n! Back so soon? Shouldn’t you be resting after your surgery?” Taeyong asked, surprised by your greeting.

“It’s all good! The doctors said that I’m fully recovered and that I should be good to go.” You happy replied.

Taeyong smiled, “That’s good! Oh, can you pass those bowl to Sicheng and Yuta? They’ve been starving all day.” yuwin

“Sure thing.” You went over to Taeyong and carefully carried the 2 bowls of steaming phở to Yuta and Winwin, who were sitting on the kitchen bench.

“Thanks, y/n!” They said in unison, before starting to scoff down the food.

“Oh! By the way, do you guys know where Mark is?” You curiously asked.

Just before you finished talking, Yuta started choking on the rice noodles, causing Sicheng to panic.yuwin Taeyong spun around, accidentally knocking over the bowl full of water and bean sprouts.

“Ah- y/n, did he not tell you?” Taeyong suddenly asked, not caring about the mess he made on the floor.

“Whats all the commotion about?” Before you could even form a response, Johnny rushed into the kitchen, “Is everything okay in here guys?... and Y/n?”

There was a long silence, the tension began building up slowly.

Taeyong bent down and started cleaning up, “Well, we were on the topic about... Mark.”

Johnny’s face dropped. His usual cheery attitude seemed to have faded away. “Oh.”

You couldn’t take it anymore, you were confused and frustrated. You now had a bad feeling growing in your gut, “Guys! I just want to know where Mark is! Did something bad happened to him while I was gone?? I’m lost...”

Straightening himself up, Taeyong signalled to Johnny to clean up whatever was left of the mess on the floor.

“Come with me, y/n.”

Slowly, you were guided into his room, then left alone. You slowly twisted the knob.

It was completely different to the last time you saw it. Lifeless, boxes stacked in neat towers, the bed covered with a large plastic sheet. His roommate, Haechan, no longer was in the room and had probably moved into a different room with another member.

You walked around the room, observing everything closely. Everything was packed up, either wrapped or boxed. You passed his desktop. His phone laid there alongside his laptop and headphones. What seemed like hundreds of pages, containing messy scribbles of passionate lyrics and doodles, stacked neatly in a pile.

You tip-toed over to his bed. No blanket or pillow, just the bare mattress covered by a plastic wrap. You checked under his bed, feeling more sentimental than ever.

There you saw his beloved guitar. His favourite pair of sneakers and a shoe box. However, that caught your eye was the shoe box. It had a ribbon hanging out from it. Letting your curiosity taking over the best of you, you carefully pulled out the box.

You picked it up carefully and placed it on his bed. Warily opening the lid, you were presented with a number of items the box contained. You looked through the many polaroids of Mark and the other NCT members. Some of them have cute little messages written behind them. Then you found a framed portrait of him in Canada, posing with his family during Christmas.

You smiled warmly, he was always close to his family and loved them dearly. You placed the frame down next to the box with the utmost care and continued exploring through the box.

You then found another framed portrait, this time it contained you and Mark. You stretched your head, thinking of they he would frame such a photo like this. It was taken on the day that he officially debuted, when ‘The 7th Sense’ was finally released to the world. In the picture, Mark was giving you a piggyback, your hair wild and tossed from the wind.

Putting that portrait down next to the one of his family. You gave one last look in the box again, seeing a familiar red card. Picking up the card, you opened it. Skimming through the message inside it, you realised that it was the same love letter you wrote to him in high school. But you noticed there was more writing on the back. This time, with Mark’s handwriting;

Hello, my wonderful Y/N!!

If you’re reading this, it must mean that the surgery went well! :D

Haha, jokes aside, I’m sorry I wasn't there to see you going in but I hope you weren’t too nervous. I’m so, so sorry, be happy and smile for me okay?

This love letter... I always knew this letter was from you y/n, I always had. I’m not as dumb as you think I am ;)

I loved you since 7th grade and wanted to confess to you so so so badly for all these years. But I was a coward I guess. A chicken, a fool, a dullard, call me whatever you want, but when I heard you had that heart disease, I wanted to make it up to you. So I made it my goal to get rid of it.

I searched for the perfect heart donor. I searched, I really did, far and wide to find one. But perhaps I’m just unlucky because I never found one. However, after I became an idol, I had to do health checks. When I got my results back, I was shocked to see that we had a match!

I informed my company and needed to visit my parents to confirm my decision, it took a while, but here we are.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, yes, I am your heart donor. Jeez Y/n, I thought you were smarter than that.

I may not have been the perfect best friend or your maybe future husband/boyfriend, but I least I can be with you to the end of time.

My heart will keep you going! So please, look after it and look after the boys of NCT! I’ll miss you... I hope you’ll miss me too...

From your dearest, Mark Lee♡

Fucking idk whether to cry or cringe.

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lovelyladyls · 4 years ago

Text

Hey Sami,

I know I’m not allowed to say anything until your family does and I respect that. I just really need to write some things right now and no one really checks my tumblr anymore thank the gods and I wanted to write on the day I found out.

What the fucking hell, man? I don’t direct that at you, obviously, but what the hell? We spoke to each other a few days ago...you’re one of the only people where I save all our conversations. I’m looking at all of our threads so flabbergasted at the news Jenny H. sent to me.

It doesn’t feel real. Earlier this month I SCOURED through your photos on Facebook to find our 2010 pictures together. I saw you right before quarantine...we shared memes and you reacted to my “I’m pissy for no reason” tweet because we’ve been working through tough familial ties...

You’re one of the friends I’ve known the longest and one of my biggest and most kind and genuine supporters and I was so so so happy you were finally happy.

I cried when I saw some of your likes in the last few days, about how finding your girlfriend brought you to your highest and most happy state. You two truly truly loved and supported each other and I looked up to you two so much in a way. I thought when I was ready to date again (thank you so much for being a rock alongside Jenny to me during all of that. You truly were my peace) that I would want to find someone like you guys. I wasn’t settling for next to nothing anymore. Decent people exist.

You had such a uplifting personality (with edgy bite and killer sarcasm lolol). You were friends with so many amazing people and like the Leo you are—you truly are legit sunshine.

I’m just so confused. I know I’ll be told more later but...what happened to you? How are you transitioning to the next stage? I feel you’re adapting quickly but holding on a little.

I’m just upset. It still doesn’t feel real and I’m not sure how to act. Death doesn’t always bother me because I’m excited to learn my life lessons in Source before I come back and all that jazz but...I’m so confused. I’ve been crying all day and then I feel calm, knowing you’re just healing and learning at Source now and that must be so exciting—(or whatever anyone’s beliefs are) but I feel guilty. Why do some wonderful, beautiful, kind, courageous, firey, friends of all kinds of people taken from us so early? You had so much life ahead of you and seemed happy and excited for the rest.

I know you felt some anger about some things, like we all do, but reading it back really hit me in the gut.

I’m just so confused. I’m so so so so confused. Why you?! Why now? What is the meaning of all of this? I want to reach out to people in your life but I half think it’s inappropriate and half think we want our space to grieve for a minute before things proceed.

I hope you know I loved you. You truly were a great friend and for a long long long time in my life. We both moved a lot so I know you know what I mean. Thanks for always being patient and the type of friend to check in yet we knew space and our lives had changed so we didn’t see each other as much but that was okay. We talked on every form of media every other day lmao.

Fuck it doesn’t feel real.

Dude I do know you’re laughing at the fact I’m so fucking sunburned and my lip is hella fat and I move like a poor soul with polio without their sticks rn due to yesterday but fuck this is the last thing I ever thought I’d hear today.

I’m so sorry. A part of me wants to apologize and feels you were wronged and robbed but...it’s just time to return home. But I also feel guilty writing this to people who don’t always think the same way we do because I sound like an insensitive hack but who cares. I just hope you can transition well and know that I’ll see you again and we’ll be friends next time too.

I’m just sad I didn’t put more effort into some little conversations but I’m so so so happy I got to see you not that long ago. I’m so thankful for that time we had. I’m so thankful for the over ten years we had. We really have been evolving for so long...it’s trippy.

Don’t worry, I’ll write something super super nice later. I have so many things to say. I’m just a little befuddled right now and time feels like it’s in a weird continuum. 2020 is so beyond weird...I’m just...I’m so upset and confused and your birthday is coming up too and I knew this Leo season would be fucked I just didn’t know how.

This is total word salad vomit whatever from my brain. I feel calm and try to distract myself and then it hits me again. That’s normal for grief. But still.

I’m thankful I’ve been reading my books about death oddly enough. I feel like you feel at peace. Maybe I’m projecting but I honestly feel like you’re really sad you have to leave (B especially) but you understand.

God I hope I don’t sound awful. Not even for my sake but I promise I don’t mean to disrespect you in any way! Some people don’t share my thoughts on death and the transition to the afterlife and that’s okay...I just hope you have a good transition is all and have a fuckton of fun up there. Now that my ass will keep talking to you.

Fuck I’m crying again because I remember talking about cemeteries with you and our favorites. God I love/miss you SM. Later I’ll change it with (dates) due to privacy right now but fuck I miss you so much and I’m so sad this happened to you.

Know that you taught me about manifestations and bettering and healing myself and I’ll carry that with me until I meet source and see yo ass again lol. I’m gonna try my best to rock the SHIT out of the time I have left. For you and for me. We gonna rock this shit.

Thank you for teaching me strength and kindness and sunshine and being oneself truly. Thank you for your advice and care and entertaining soul and just for sharing how fucking awesome of a person you are/were idfk how to write that.

Dude...what the fuck. Whaaaat the fuck. Also the monarch butterfly on set at the tennis fields yesterday was lovely, thank you. What the fuck.

My head hurts lol.

Idk what this is anymore so I should wrap it up. I don’t want to text you this because it’ll trigger B or your family so I’m posting this here.

I love you. I miss you. I thank you.

Bitch, what the fuck.

Fuck 2020. Fuck the fact I keep fucking up spelling fuck. Fucj.

I’m crying again and I know you found that legit typo to be hella funny sad too😂. Very on brand for us 😂

Anyway, I should go for now and expect updates and for me to talk to yo ass when I feel this has all settled a bit.

I love you.

Goodbye, SM, until next time.

Lierin

#mywriting #lierin #lierinslife #7/28/2020

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