#also that's jerry's canon height

[jerryfromblocktales]

"Y0u kn0w wh47 1 n33d 4 hu6 c'm3r3 y0u!!!"

[He picks up the penguin gently; giving him a light squeeze]

You seem tired! maybe you should take some rest!

[okaysonny]

the big deal of babysitting ╏ jake kim

ᯓ★ summary: lineman boldly asks him to mind his little sister.

ᯓ★ details: fluff, no reader, jerry appears! - spoiler free. (but takes place after second affiliate)

ᯓ★ wc: 830

ᯓ★ A/N: couldn't get reluctant babysitter jake out of my head so i had to improvise! very spur of the moment thing because i should be studying for exams...but after they finish, next fic will be zack and johan! yay! (iykyk) also, lineman having a little sister feels so canon to me. idk why?

divider image: Frich on pinterest

jake isn’t sure how it’s come to this.

out of all people lineman could have asked, why him? as if he didn't have to do…literally anything else. one fight with some movie extras and he suddenly has all the world's confidence.

“she’s super easy to handle!” he had said, shoving a bag of snacks and a tablet into jake’s hands before bolting out the door. “i’ll only be gone for a few hours! you’re the best, boss!”

he already feels like drowning.

lineman’s little sister, maybe six years old, sits cross-legged on the floor, staring up at him curiously. she doesn’t say much, just hugs her stuffed bunny tightly and tilts her head every time he moves.

“so…what do you wanna do?” jake asks, trying to sound somewhat approachable.

“can you fight monsters?”

he thinks for a second. “sure”

“you look really tall. can you touch the ceiling?”

jake glances up and sighs. “no”

she frowns, clearly unimpressed, and jake wonders how this somehow feels worse than any fight he’s been in.

by the time she gets bored of interrogating, she’s bouncing around the cramped apartment. lineman was clearly lying about the "easy to handle" part.

“don’t climb that!” he exclaims, but she’s already halfway up on the chair near the shelf.

“i just want the cookies!” she protests, standing on tiptoes as it wobbles beneath.

jake moves before he can think, catching her mid-fall as the chair tips over. she clings to his neck like a scared cat, her tiny hands gripping on to him.

“you okay?” his tone is gentle now.

“yes…” she mumbles. “…sorry”

jake exhales, setting her back on her feet. “you scared me, kid. don’t do that again, alright?”

she nods, looking genuinely remorseful, and he finds it surprisingly hard to stay annoyed. she sticks close to him after, holding onto him whenever he moves around.

eventually, jake pulls out his phone and calls the only person he can.

“boss?” jerry answers on the first ring, as per usual.

“jerry, i need backup” he says flatly.

there’s a pause. “…what kind of backup?”

“i'm looking after lineman's sister” jake glances at the little girl, who’s now absentmindedly colouring at the table. “but she’s a menace”

“a little kid? you can’t handle a little kid, boss?”

“do you want a promotion or not, jerry?” he says dryly.

jerry hesitates, confused. “…but i’m already number two”

“well…don't let the others know, but i’m working on creating a top-secret position” his voice turns serious. “it’s between number two and number one. you interested?”

jerry pauses for a moment, and he can practically hear him thinking it over. “…are you serious, jake?”

jake smirks, shaking his head. “totally”

his tone is now oddly determined. “alright, i’m on my way!”

when jerry shows up, lineman’s sister immediately zeroes in on him.

“are you jerry?” she asks, squinting up.

“yes, ma’am” he politely crouches slightly so he’s closer to her height. “what’s up?”

“can you touch the ceiling?”

jerry grins, straightening to his full height. “wanna see?”

she nods enthusiastically, and jerry being the giant he is, reaches up to touch the ceiling with ease. she claps in delight, and jake can't help but snort at how proud he looks.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎

by the time lineman comes back, his sister is dozing off on the couch, clutching her stuffed bunny.

“thanks, jake” he says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. “i owe you big time!”

“damn right you do” he mutters, grabbing his jacket. “don’t make a habit of this”

as he and jerry head out, the child suddenly stirs and runs to catch them at the door.

“wait! i made this for you” she says shyly, holding out a sheet of paper.

he unfolds it, revealing a crayon drawing of himself. in the picture, he’s taller than the buildings in the background, with a superhero cape and the words “JAKE, THE UNCLE WHO SAVED ME” scrawled beneath.

he stares at it, something warm settling in his chest.

“thank you, kiddo” he smiles, ruffling her hair gently.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎

on the way back, jerry glances at him. “you gonna frame that?”

“shut up jerry” but he carefully folds the drawing and tucks it into his pocket, somewhere it won’t get bent.

for a moment, his thoughts wander. he never thinks about kids. ever. why would he? definitely not with the life he leads right now.

jake clenches his jaw, his mind flashing to memories of his own father: a man who had chosen selfish indulgences over responsibility. looking after everyone, but his own family.

if life ever brings him to that point - if he ever had a child looking up at him, trusting him like that - he wouldn’t be like his father. he couldn’t. he’d be the kind of person they could count on, no matter what.

for the first time, jake wonders what it would be like. would he be capable of it?

maybe he wouldn’t be so bad at parenthood after all.

[theamazingmaddyas]

Apollo Cabin Camper headcanons

Lee was an avid writer, and was planning to go for a Creative Writing before he, you know, kicked the bucket. Michael and Will ended up posthumously publishing his diary as a fiction story (because monsters and all) so that he could have his dream of being a published author. Nico brought Lee a copy in the Underworld.

Michael would only ever call his younger siblings his "little siblings" despite the fact that most of them passed him in height at like 9 or 10.

Will has Michael and Lee's names tattooed on his wrist in their handwriting, as well as a quote from one of Lee's poems on his forearm.

Kayla's known she was a demigod since she was really young, since her father had to explain why she has no mother. Darren could see through the mist, and would just shoot the monsters that came because of Kayla's stronger sent.

Kayla was brought to camp by Hedge when he was in Toronto in TLO (is this a common hc? I feel like it should be)

Austin could play any instrument, except the kazoo. For some reason, he sucked at playing the kazoo.

Jerry's accent was so strong his first summer at camp no one could understand him except for the other internationals.

Yan would hide in the armory with their book so that they didn't have to do sword-fighting or archery practice

Gracie would make rainbow loom bracelets for literally everyone. Even though she came to camp after the Battle of Manhattan and the Battle of the Labrynth, she still made bracelets for her deceased siblings based on Will, Kayla, and Austin's description of them.

Will was protective of the chariot in TLH not because he cared about it, but because Michael cared about it

Lee was born in Connecticut, but lived practically his whole life in NYC, and Michael was from Maine.

The cabin has a world map with push pins indicating where everyone is from. Every camper has also signed the wall around it on the day they were claimed, so there's well over a thousand names by the time PJO takes place.

Cabin 7 has a music room in it's basement, that has every single instrument you can imagine. (Austin is banned from playing the kazoo of course)

The only way the cabin can be cleaned is if It's A Hard Knock Life (Broadway version) (and the reprise as well) are playing. The youngest kid sings at Molly, and they play rock paper scissor to figure out who jumps in the laundry basket like Annie (one time Michael accidently fell asleep and was brought to the laundry room by the harpies. He did not let Lee hear the end of it) (The same thing almost happened to Gracie, but Will found her before the harpies could)

It's tradition that the last day of camp the younger campers write a song for their counselor and play it before bed. There's a binder of all the lyrics of every song dated back to the 1940s on the shelf, when the tradition was started

I'm not even sorry about how many there are, I'm just a tad bit obsessed with Cabin 7 (as indicative of my ao3 fics dedicated to them all)

(Octavian's a legacy and I'm only 150 pages into my reread of Son of Neptune, I can't remember if there are any canon Apollo kids barring Octavian's ancestors.)

[ask-jake-wilson-83]

“See you on the flipside, sir.”

Are asks open?

YEPPERS :3

RAGH. SELF INDULGENT JAKE BLOG!!! Main is @crazed4rsonist blah blah blah

Rules:

No heavy nsfw, though suggestive is okay!! (Yes, you may flirt with my dad.)

oc’s and cross fandom are allowed, if not encouraged !!

RP is also okay!! Cause chaos with the man!

I request that you do not spam. I either missed it, or it broke a rule.

Pl. please be kind.

I reserve the right to delete an ask that makes me uncomfy, sorry!

He is not fully canon, as he is just. A more traumatized version of my Jerry blog.

Basic dni

Try and kill him and I may block you.

Harm him? Eh, sure. Don’t kill him.

Gult gang (ifykyk) HARD DNI.

OTHER INFO:

Unfortunately is not the father of Key !!

He is bisexual and polyamorous!! He is GAY. He is OLD. He doesn’t understand most slang :(

Yes, he remembers Jason!

Jake goes by He/him and ring/rings on occasion!

He is also trans! Sorry. I must trans beam them all.

He does not work in a location! You are. Literally talking to him in his apartment.

He is likely autistic, because. Mod probably is too.

He doesn’t typically enjoy physical contact with people, sorry!,

He does have a tail!

He is an eepy boi… he barely sleeps

He’s 30-something years old. Not including phone guy years

He probably smells like cigarette smoke. Because one, he smokes, and two, it’s a comfort smell for me. No will not explain

He is roughly 5’10 in height!

[wwillywonka]

when you're writing heaven on their minds, what version of willy is in your mind? is it depp wonka or wilder wonka? I know for sure it's not chalamet wonka. or maybe the musical ones? borle or snook?

hi anon! thanks so much for the question!<3

i try to emulate this in heaven on their minds by the very fact that i include bits and pieces from all versions of canon, but my willy is very much an amalgamation of every willy. and when i say every, i mean every, which is why i reward myself (with the self-awareness of its pomposity) with the Wonka Expert title - because i don't consider just one willy wonka to be The willy wonka; they're all him and he cannot exist without every piece of himself.

in terms of physical appearance, i've shared my art of him on here (and on my instagram @/corduroycyborg), and those drawings are about as close as i can get to portraying how he looks in my mind: tall but too thin for his height, mid-length thick curly chocolate-coloured (ha!) hair that he straightens within an inch of its life, deep set electric purple eyes that can increase or decrease in saturation depending on his mood, nose like a rabbit's, perfect teeth and painted nails and gold jewellery and always a thick layer of makeup to hide his insecurities. i also go back and forth a lot in my head about his race considering i myself am mixed asian and pretty much project everything about myself on him. but i like to keep it ambiguous to make him an accessible character for all readers, an intentional choice that plays into the themes in hotm of him feeling like he isn't a person without the media and his fans telling him who he is. hotm (my) willy is definitely more based on 2005 because that is my favorite version (and because i am hopelessly, unfortunately attracted to twink johnny depp for no reason) but also because i feel like that movie does the best job of externalising his inner self through his appearance. wilder wonka is classic, of course, but i've always thought, even as a kid, that he just looks too damn nice, is too charismatic. wilder wonka, while definitely mad (the boat scene>>>), is just a big ol' teddy bear. his hair looks so soft, and the way he picks up charlie and twirls him around is so 🥺🥺🥺. gene wilder himself said that he wanted his wonka to look trustworthy so that he could focus on making his personality unpredictable, which i appreciate and think works well in the 1971 movie - but willy is supposed to be antisocial and scary and off-putting. it makes him so much more interesting to me. the original book describes him as bright and colorful, yes, but also as someone charlie immediately wants to unpack, to study, to understand. and the way wilder wonka doesn't even wear gloves...!! that's a hugely essential part of willy's character and his adversity to the outside world, and it just isn't present in what is typically considered the "best" version.

in chapter 7, i describe willy lounging in a oscar wilde-esque fashion, with a floral robe and lipstick and a french bob. i know this is technically me stretching the femininity of depp wonka perhaps a little too far, but it's my own special charm i've built around the character in the past many years of him being my favorite character of all time. perhaps it's just me being really bisexual and projecting my particular type and relationship with gender onto him; i accept that and own it. i will forcibly feminize my blorbos all i want and that is my right. now, to address gareth snook wonka. tbh the worst wonka look besides the unspeakable tom and jerry movie. THAT BEING SAID, uk tour willy is probably my favorite portrayal of the character ever. he's unpredictable, he's scary, and his attractiveness and charms are so unexpected but make so much sense in the most surprising ways - snook wonka is cunty, i'll say it. mix his personality with depp and that's MY willy!!!

and yeah, definitely no chalamet wonka. i literally don't think about him at all while writing the character unless i'm considering how noodle fits into the story. and i've said this before but i don't care for borle wonka even though i know he's a fan favorite. sorry lol.

TLDR: 93% depp, 6% snook, 4% dahl, and 2% wilder. ("but that's 105%!" yes.)

((p.s. the artist who appears most on the big unpublished playlist i have for him is lana del rey. if that helps paint a picture🎀🍫🐇🍒).

[littlesliceofimmortality]

Looks at you with my autistic eyes. Oliver headcanons please (if you haven't done that already)

(My eyeballs pop out of my head and stretch and touch yours.) Hi. THANKS for asking!!!hes such an weird animale to me

oliver d. swift

• d stands for dickens, but if you ask him, its just dick

• it/he/& neopronouns! usually defaults to ey/em asked what neos, but esp likes if theyre emojis or onomatopoeia

• transmasc homo homo gay, obv. been on T ever since he got a job, but doesnt care to get top or bottom surgery

• also either cupioromantic or cupiosexual. it doesnt yhink about it too hard nor is it strict about labelling itself

• also also objectum. half joke

• my fleshhead version of him has a scruff moustache but Also hes just a Hairy guy

• i keep forgetting they have canon heights but ima say it again because its so real. 5'3 compactly built and has a muffin top. gained No height while on T, but he did get acne! and General grime

• afro-columbian but didnt rlly learn about his heritage until late teens (since yakno no parents to teach him) ... has been embracing his culture more and more as he ages

• autism adhd & bpd, baby - TRIPLE combo! used to take meds for his adhd but it made his mood worse and took away his, and i quote, "quirkiness". 

• still on mood stabilizers though he needs that

• dabbles in a bit of every art form, fond of things that involve beads, but filmmaking has always been its one true love <3

• makes kandi bracelets and uses them as fidget toys, often accidentally breaking them

• the ones he DOESNT break he gives to his pals as gifts!

• has beads on his fez string too. changes it up - sometimes its 🏳️‍⚧️ or 🇨🇴 or 🏁. sometimes its a lizard 🦎 

• rediscovered a film ey did back in high school. it was a 43 minute recording of hands crushing peanuts in black and white while someone sang french opera in the back.

• oliver have no memory of making this nor can ey confirm it was em

• he did the catcus tattoo on his ankle himself! stick & poke :-)also has a ferret on his bicep and a cassette player on his inner thigh 

• mild carpal tunnel and wears wrist sleeve compressors to help but he works it like its a fashion choice

• similarly has a landyard that marks him as an employee, decked out with various pins and jangly keys

• has like five red flannels that are basically the same but have ever-so-subtle differences in the stripes 

• it works at a red horror attraction and wears a red fez and red clothes . red isnt even its favorite colors its bright green or something

• mr dickens let oliver do all the sound effects for the horror attraction (he doesnt know ey ripped them all from fnaf)

• knows literally everyone in dialtown idk how. dude shares blunts with God

• took photography classes with lola, raved with craig, had the same therapist as jerry, makes lunch plans with karen, passed bigfoot on the street and did a bro nod at him, boybestfriends with randy, gives gabby gifts on mothers day, just showed up at a mob gathering one day with drinks, etc etc. Need i go on

• never has a shortage of aquantinces but finds it hard to keep close friends

• 1 million contacts without pfps in his phone 1 million email notifications 1 million tabs open

• its The oliver! what else to say!!! uhmmCan he step on a landmine.please

[careol]

CHARACTER SHEET.

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒 .

full name.   carol ann peletier (nee jackson)

nicknames / aliases.   boss lady, queen

height.   5′6”.

age.   42-53, verse dependent.

zodiac.   capricorn.

spoken languages.   english, ASL

𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 .

hair colour.   grey, reddish brown when she was younger

eye colour.   blue.

skin tone.   fair, a pale peachy color. she's not super white but she's not tanned either.

body type.  thin, rounded hips, tiniest bit of fat on her belly

dominant hand.   right.

posture.   not completely straight as it should be, but it's not terrible either

scars.    many, but the most distinct scar she has is the letters ED carved on her hip. she's been forever branded by her abusive ex husband.

tattoos.   none, she never had the chance to ever get one.

birthmarks.   a few here and there, but nothing significant that is easily noticeable.

most noticeable features.   bright blue eyes, freckles across her cheeks and nose as well as her chest and shoulders. people also tend to notice the grey hair.

𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐃.

place of birth.   atlanta, georgia

siblings.  none (my carol doesn't have one, but i have an oc that is carol's sister that is connected to @unheald so... lmao)

parents.   thomas jackson and elizabeth jackson

𝐀𝐃𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 .

occupation.   she had always been a stay at home mom. if she never met ed, she would've been a nurse.

current residence(s).   alexandria, virginia.

close friends.   daryl dixon, maggie rhee, rick and michonne grimes, connie, ezekiel, jerry. so many more but i can't list all the canon characters lmao

relationship status.   currently single. ed peletier was her first husband who was killed (thank god) so she was widowed, then she briefly entered a relationship with tobin but it was just for distraction, then she married king ezekiel and eventually divorced after their son was murdered. (also is secretly not so secretly in love with daryl)

criminal record.  none, but if those were still a thing in the apocalypse she'd have a very high list of offenses.

vices.   pride, wrath, lust

𝐒𝐄𝐗 & 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 .

sexual orientation.   bisexual but she very heavily leans towards men

preferred sexual role.   generally she is the dominant one, but she doesn't mind being submissive once in a while either.

libido.   fairly high

turn-ons.   charm, kind hearted, understanding personalities. kissing, caressing, whispered words for physical.

turn-offs.   mean-spirit, aggression, verbal and physical abusive qualities

love language.   physical touch, acts of service, quality time

relationship tendencies.   she generally needs that emotional connection first in order to form a true bond with someone. she can easily have sex with someone without it being a relationship, but for a real relationship she needs that connection, that understanding and the friendship.

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐎𝐔𝐒.

hobbies to pass time.   reading is one of her favorite things, particularly romance novels. she also enjoys cooking/baking.

mental illnesses.   definitely has depression and ptsd

self-confidence level. it's pretty dependent on the timeline actually, but as of right now her confidence level is pretty good. not super high but she doesn't hate herself either.

tagged by: @foxtaeil

tagging: whoever wants to talk about their muse!

[autisticsupervillain]

It's Fictional Throwdown Friday!

This Week's Fighters...

Superman vs The Emperor of Mankind!

Conditions:

Superman as of Infinite Frontiers. The Emperor's form in the Warp is used.

Scenario:

Somewhere, on some random forgotten world in the Imperium, a random human finds a long forgotten copy of the original Action Comics #1. This single story fills them with a small sliver of hope, allowing Superman to return from the dead to help save the world. (Yes, Superman has canonically done this before.) Clark's first task is to stop the threat of the Warp and free mankind from the tyrant he believes enslaved it.

Analysis: Superman

A long time ago, there was an advanced, futuristic planet called Krypton, home to human-like aliens called Kryptonians. They were a peaceful, if isolated people, until the brilliant scientist Jor-El realized that the planet was doomed for destruction. Hoping to save his family, Jor-El sent his infant son Kal-El to the planet of Earth, where he would be adopted and raised by the loving Kent family.

If you're seeing parallels between this and certain real life events, that's intentional. Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster were sons of Jewish immigrants and their heritage defines his story. Raised as a human, Clark Kent struggled to define how his heritage effected him. He was the last son of a long dead people, heir to a family he'd never met, and for most of his life, he'd struggle to figure out how he felt about that.

As such, when he discovered that Earth's yellow sun gave him superhuman powers, he'd struggle to properly embrace them. He'd limit himself with subconscious mental blocks for most of his life so as to not destroy this "world of cardboard" he called home. He's faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, he's the Man of Steel! Superman! And he'd use his incredible powers to protect his new home.

Superman absorbs the energy of Earth's yellow sun to give himself a plethora of superhuman abilities. He can fly, see through anything but lead with his x-ray vision, shoot heat rays from his eyes, create storms and freeze people solid with his breath, and move so fast his molecules vibrate through solid objects.

As of the Infinite Frontiers storyline, all versions of Superman from the main line canon are now the same character. Pre-Crisis, Post Crisis, New 52, etc. Meaning that as Superman has overcome the mental blocks limiting his powers, he's unlocked tons of ridiculous powers and reached heights completely undreamt of before now. His heat vision can target individual molecules. His x-ray vision can see your soul. His freeze breath can freeze ghosts and his super speed can now move so fast he can travel through time, break the bonds of infinity, and vibrate planets outside of the omniverse!

Saying that again. Superman has vibrated so fast, he teleported a planet outside of reality.

Hey, remember when I said in Superman vs Luke that Superman caps out at solar system busting? Past me is an idiot, don't listen to him.

Superman has generated so much energy with his punches that he recreated the multiverse, fought versions of himself that could retcon time with their punches, sang a song so powerful it destroyed Darkseid's soul as he was getting ready to obliterate reality, and lifted a book of infinite pages that contains the entire story of DC Comics.

Yes, the entire cosmology of DC Comics. The whole multiverse map and all the infinite dimensions it contains.

The Orrery of Worlds where all the main universes are contained has an innumerable, infinite amount of spatial dimensions within itself. The Bleed that exists above that also contains infinite dimensions itself. The Speed Force above that exists across all those dimensions and Darkseid exists within the Sphere of the Gods above that. Darkseid is fascism and tyranny. Literally. The absolute evil. He exists four layers above infinity and Superman killed him with song.

Superman both has and is resistant to sime truly ridiculous superpowers. He can shapeshift himself to look like anyone he wants, merge with all of reality with the Sword of Superman, and no sell being erased from existence entirely. And if he can't no sell it, he can always just come straight back to life. Not only will the plot of DC Comics, the Story of Superman itself, rewrite reality to bring him back into existence, but Superman has willed himself back into existence just by being remembered.

One time, a group of aliens erased the concept of heroism from the universe to make it so the Justice League never existed. Some kids eventually remembered that Superman existed and he just...

POP!

Superman has no sold time manipulation, mind control from Martian Manhunter, Brainiac, and Emperor Joker, having his soul eaten, the laws of physics being rewritten and erased around him, power nullification, and the plot of his story being rewritten so he'd always lose. Superman has fought, defeated, and befriended the concept of his own death.

And he's a supergenius on top of that! Like that time he got several years of medical training in five minutes, then performed lung surgery. Or the time he took one look at the reality warping Miracle Machine and recreated the entire thing perfectly from memory alone. He then used the last of his fading life force to power the machine so it could recreate all of DC's reality.

So now, maybe next time you look up at the sky, you won't assume it's just a bird or a plane. You'll understand it's one of comic book's all time heavyweight champions. Truth and justice has never had a better hero than Superman.

Analysis: The Emperor

In the grimdark far future of the 41st Millennium, there is only war. The vast Imperium of Mankind survives only by the virtue of its own mass, crushing itself into oblivion under its own immensity and fanaticism. At the heart of this rotting empire sits the corpse of a God, the Emperor of Mankind rules over Terra from beyond the grave. His indomitable will maintains the Astronomicon, allowing humanity to travel through the Warp, as His incorruptible soul keeps the Chaos Gods from devouring all of reality. This is His last gift to Mankind. This is His penance to the people he failed.

But it was not always this way. Long before humanity ever dreamed of conquering the stars, the Emperor was born in the 8th Millennium B.C. His name (if He ever had one) has since been long forgotten, but it is known that He was created by humanity's ancient shamans, the earliest of Earth's Psykers, to protect humanity from the rising threat of Chaos. This Perpetual, this gestalt consciousness of human might, would take up His mantle by carefully observing humanity for millenia, helping where He could as he bore witness to Mankind's triumphs and follies. Over the course of observing humanity's triumphs and failures, the Emperor decided that the only way to truly protect humanity was to unite it under His own central vision and instill true order in all of Mankind.

The Emperor would reveal Himself in full to the world in the 29th Millennium, in which He would conquer the world in the Unification Wars, before turning His attention to manifesting Mankind's destiny across the stars in His Great Crusade. During this Great Crusade, The Emperor would found the Imperium of Man and show the galaxy why He was the most powerful, intelligent, and dangerous being who ever graced the stars.

He's very emphatically not a God, you understand. As far as the Emperor was concerned, the difference between Himself and a god, is that He knows He is right.

The Emperor is the most powerful Psyker who ever lived. Psykers draw upon energy from the Warp, a beyond dimensional realm of thought and concept that transcends all concept of matter, causality, and physics. It contains realities with infinite spatial dimensional structures and spreads across infinite timelines, being completely unbound by any limit of physical dimensions or reality. It is a realm of pure thought. As such, a psyker of significant power can wield it to do damn near anything they please.

Powerful psykers can dominate all the minds on the planet, turn stars into portals to hell, shield themselves with literal shields of probability to ensure enemy attacks always miss, and manipulate atoms with a thought. The Emperor, as the most powerful Psyker who ever lived, sneezes at all of that. A glimpse of His aura alone can blind you and make you drop to your knees in worship for Him. He can manipulate the abstract concepts within the Warp itself, view countless possible futures at all times, summon souls to fight alongside Him or even destroy them outright, freely manipulate fate, causality, and time, will people back to life or will them to die, and even ignore the power nullifying presence of Blanks outright. And with His barriers and regeneration, the Emperor can resist or survive any of these tricks being used back at Him.

The Emperor defeated the Void Dragon, actually one of the last remaining star eating gods of the C'Tan, be sealing a shard of it away inside Mars, maintains a thunderstorm half the size of a hemisphere just by existing, and created some of the most powerful warriors in the galaxy from His own DNA.

Yeah, the Emperor is an unparalleled genius and tactician on top that, having mastered every aspect of science, combat, and technology over Millennia. He created countless super soldiers from His own DNA, each so powerful that they're considered demigods in their own right, including the original Firstborn Space Marines, the Adeptus Custodes, and His very sons, the Primarchs themselves. The Emperor created a webway of Warp gates to allow humanity to safely travel through the Warp safely for faster than light travel. By all means, the Emperor had every means to give humanity paradise.

Unfortunately, His massive ego would destroy all His attempts in the end. Despite studying humanity for literal centuries, the Emperor did not truly comprehend and saw Himself as above the basic emotional needs of humanity. Despite loving the Primarchs, who He saw as His sons, nearly and dearly, He failed to adequately care for them. This lead to His most beloved son, Horus Lupercal, to turn to the forces of Chaos, taking half of the Primarchs down with him. This bloody war became known as the Horus Heresy and the Emperor would have to kill His son. By erasing him from existence so thoroughly that not even the Chaos Gods could bring him back.

Still Horus managed to fatally wound his father before the end. To prolong His life, the Emperor was hooked up to the Golden Throne. His rotting, near dead corpse kept alive by the sacrifice of thousands of souls. Inadvertently preventing His regeneration from returning Him to full strength.

Now, the Emperor watches in horror at what His people have become. Vicious fascist fanatics who worship Him as a God. That last thing He ever wanted to be remembered as. The worship of trillions has changed Him... evolved Him... into a God in His own right.

Now, the Emperor's mind and soul lay within the Warp. Locked into an eternal stalemate with all four of the Chaos Gods themselves. He stands alone in the face of oblivion, singlehandedly keeping Chaos from consuming all reality. Battling the Aetheric entities whose true form transcends the Warp entirely, coming from the Void from which everything and nothing is born. The Emperor in now just as much a God and an abstract concept as the Chaos Gods He sought to protect humanity from.

The Emperor sits alone, fighting for the people He failed. Even in death, He and He alone is the true Anathema of Chaos.

Throwdown Theme:

Throwdown Breakdown:

Alright, first Outerversal matchup on FTF. These two are far and away the most powerful characters features here so far, so let's get started.

Frankly, these two have so many god damn powers that I don't even know where to start. Superman has the kind of obsurd feats and scaling that comes from being a character with 85 years of continuity, but the Emperor very likely has access to every single power ever disaplayed in the Warhammer setting due to how powerful He is.

Both of these characters share a wide variety of powers. Mind control, matter manipulation, weather manipulation, intangibility, soul destruction, and so on. And both of them have demonstrated these abilities to such degrees that attempt to figure out who's more potent with them would either be a stalemate or take so long that they'd be better off switching to their plethora of other options.

The Emperor of Mankind isn't so much a physical being anymore as He is a God. An abstract concept of Himself who completely transcends time and space, granting Him both an immeasurable degree of strength and speed. But Clark has fought numerous beings on those scales before. The World Forger, Parallax, Suoerboy-Prime, Mr. Mxyzptlk, and so on. Hell, Darkseid in particular as just as much an abstract concept as the Emperor, being the abstract personification of tyranny and evil. Seeing how Superman can destroy him by singing, he should be able to hurt the Emperor just fine in this state.

In terms of skill and experience, I have to give this one to the Emperor. While both of them have fought timeless gods who technically predate reality (the Chaos Gods both did and didn't exist before they were actually created. It's complicated.) tge Emperor has done so for much longer and has based many of His plans on grand conquest on galactic scales. He has been alive for millenia and spent most of that time preparing for or participating in grand wars and conquests. While Superman has trained with the likes of Batman and Wonder Woman and has participated in impressive battles, such as going off to fight alongside Thor for a thousand years, he hasn't been around nearly as long and views combat as a last resort. (Technically, there are elseworld stories where Superman is far older, such as Strange Visitor, those aren't canon even to Infinite Frontiers)

However, I would have to give Clark the edge in actual scientific genius. While the Emperor is unparalleled in His understanding of the Warp and its vast intricacies, Superman can build a machine that can completely recreate a similarly vast cosmology from memory alone. There's also the fact that Clark's status as the ultimate humble hero gives him an advantage over someone whose ego is so massive it singlehandedly doomed the galaxy to an eternity of war.

While, undeniably potent as the Emperor's existence erasure might be, Clark has resisted such things from both Mr. Mxyzptlk and Darkseid before, who are definitely both in the same league as the Emperor at the very least. Failing that, Clark has two outs. One from his literal plot armor and another from people remembering him being enough to bring him back. While you can argue for the Emperor having metafictional fuckery that could mess with this, this 1. Comes from scaling to other characters, namely Tzeench being quoted as "manipulating people like they're characters in the story he is writing" rather than direct feats and 2. Seems to speaking metaphorically in context.

There's also the fact that Superman has resisted people trying to rewrite his narrative before too. Granted, resistance doesn't mean immunity (Clark was still effected by the narrative of Earth 2 preventing him from doing heroic things after all, so it can still work), but even taking the Emperor's supposed plot manipulation at absolute face value, He wouldn't have the feats needed to effect Superman.

You could also argue for the Emperor reality warping up some kryptonite or a red star to win, but 1. He wouldn't know to do that. And 2. He wouldn't be able to find out He should do that because Clark resists mind control and mind reading.

But then there's the ultimate question that every Outerversal fight boils down to in the end. Whose infinity is bigger?

Scaling off of destroying Darkseid's true form in Final Crisis, Clark would be at least four layers deep into Outerversal as I examined in the run down. So, how deep does the Emperor go?

The physical reality of Warhammer 40k contains an infinite number of spatial dimensions, which the Warp completely transcends.

"‘Here?’ cried Semyon, throwing his arms wide and spinning around like a lunatic. ‘You have such a limited understanding of the material world, girl. Words like here and there have no meaning. The myriad dimensions of this material universe cannot be defined by so limited a thing as human language!’" – Mechanicum

The Warp itself also contains infinite dimensions within itself easily and completely transcends those within itself. For example, the infinite-dimensional datascape of the Adeptus Mechanicus.

"Looking down, if down was even a concept in the infinitely-dimensional realms of thought, it was clear how foolish and naive he had been to claim to have been the Speranza's master." – Gods of Mars

Finally, the true forms of the Chaos Gods, which the Emperor is looked into eternal stalemate with, transcend the Warp completely and are simultaneously everything and nothing.

That brings us a grand total of three. So close, but not enough.

And that's not counting Superman's even higher feats, such as lifting the book that contained DC's entire cosmology. Or scaling from Superboy-Prime fighting the Edgy Batman OC Who Laughs at his strongest. Both of which can Clark as many as seven layers deep into Outerversal from scaling off the entire cosmology.

Despite the Emperor's immense intelligence, skill, and experience, Clark's level of power and metafictional fuckery isn't something he can step up to.

Now Clark's immediately gonna have to turn around and fight the Chaos Gods. And call in the Justice League so that they can address the.... everything... going on in 40k's galaxy.

It's gonna be a long day.

Still, I suppose it's awfully fitting this "xenos" turned out to be better at being human than the Emperor of Mankind did. At least Clark still remembers the name his parents gave him. Both of them.

This Throwdown's Winner is....

Superman!

[ingek73]

Why are women so marginalised by the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame?

Courtney Love

Barely 8% of its inductees are female. The canon-making doesn’t just reek of sexist gatekeeping, but also purposeful ignorance and hostility

Fri 17 Mar 2023 08.00 GMT

Fourth time lucky? Kate Bush on stage in 1986.

I got into this business to write great songs and have fun. I was a quick learner. I read every music magazine I could get my hands on and at 12, after digesting many issues of Creem, I decided to base my personality on Lester Bangs, the rock critic raconteur; his abiding belief in the transformative power of a great rock song matched mine. (I also obsessed over his running arguments with Lou Reed – they confounded me, but I loved it.) Artists and their songs shaped my life, my beliefs, my self-conception as a musician – Patti Smith’s growling Pissing in the River, Heart’s Barracuda, the Runaways’ Dead End Justice, which I still know every word of. But what no magazine or album could teach me or prepare me for was how exceptional you have to be, as a woman and an artist, to keep your head above water in the music business.

The magnificent Chuck D rapped: “Elvis is a hero to most, but he doesn’t mean shit to me.” I concur. Big Mama Thornton first sang Hound Dog, written for her (and possibly with her) in 1952, which later put the King on the radio. Sister Rosetta Tharpe covered it, too, hers being the fiercest version. Her song Strange Things Happen Every Day was recorded in 1944. It was these songs, and her evangelical guitar playing, that changed music for ever and created what we now call rock’n’roll.

When the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame started in 1983, you would have thought they might want to begin with Sister Rosetta, with those first chords that chimed the songbook we were now all singing from. The initial inductees were Chuck Berry, James Brown, Ray Charles, Little Richard, Sam Cooke, Fats Domino, the Everly Brothers, Buddy Holly, Jerry Lee Lewis and Elvis Presley; not a woman in sight. Sister Rosetta didn’t get in until the Rock Hall was publicly shamed into adding her in 2018. (She was on a US postal stamp two decades before the Rock Hall embraced her.) Big Mama Thornton, whose recording of Ball’n’Chain also shaped this new form of music? Still not in. Today, just 8.48% of the inductees are women.

Long overlooked … Sister Rosetta Tharpe. Photograph: Chris Ware/Getty Images

The nominations for this year’s class, announced last month, offered the annual reminder of just how extraordinary a woman must be to make it into the ol’ boys club. (Artists become eligible 25 years after releasing their first record.) More women were nominated in one year than at any time in its 40-year history. There were the iconoclasts: Kate Bush, Cyndi Lauper, Missy Elliott; two women in era-defining bands: Meg White of the White Stripes and Gillian Gilbert of New Order; and a woman who subverted the boys club: Sheryl Crow.

Yet this year’s list featured several legendary women who have had to cool their jets waiting to be noticed. This was the fourth nomination for Bush, a visionary, the first female artist to hit No 1 in the UK chart with a song she wrote (1979’s Wuthering Heights), at 19. She became eligible in 2004. That year, Prince was inducted – deservedly, in his first year of eligibility – along with Jackson Browne, ZZ Top, Traffic, Bob Seger, the Dells and George Harrison. The Rock Hall’s co-founder and then-chairman Jann Wenner (also the co-founder of Rolling Stone) was inducted himself. But Bush didn’t make it on the ballot until 2018 – and still she is not in.

Never mind that she was the first woman in pop history to have written every track on a million-selling debut. A pioneer of synthesisers and music videos, she was discovered last year by a new generation of fans when Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God) featured in the Netflix hit Stranger Things. She is still making albums. And yet there is no guarantee of her being a shoo-in this year. It took the Rock Hall 30-plus years to induct Nina Simone and Carole King. Linda Ronstadt released her debut in 1969 and became the first woman to headline stadiums, yet she was inducted alongside Nirvana in 2014. Most egregiously, Tina Turner was inducted as a solo artist three decades after making the grade alongside her abuser, Ike.

Why are women so marginalised by the Rock Hall? Of the 31 people on the nominating board, just nine are women. According to the music historian Evelyn McDonnell, the Rock Hall voters, among them musicians and industry elites, are 90% male.

The Rock Hall’s canon-making doesn’t just reek of sexist gatekeeping, but also purposeful ignorance and hostility

You can write the Rock Hall off as a “boomer tomb” and argue that it is building a totem to its own irrelevance. Why should we care who is in and who is not? But as scornful as its inductions have been, the Rock Hall is a bulwark against erasure, which every female artist faces whether they long for the honour or want to spit on it. It is still game recognising game, history made and marked.

The Rock Hall is a king-making force in the global music industry. (In the US, it is broadcast on HBO.) Induction affects artists’ ticket prices, their performance guarantees, the quality of their reissue campaigns (if they get reissued at all). These opportunities are life-changing – the difference between touring secondary-market casinos opening for a second-rate comedian, or headlining respected festivals. The Rock Hall has covered itself in a sheen of gravitas and longevity that the Grammys do not have. Particularly for veteran female artists, induction confers a status that directly affects the living they are able to make. It is one of the only ways, and certainly the most visible, for these women to have their legacy and impact honoured with immediate material effect. “These ain’t songs, these is hymns,” to quote Jay-Z.

The bar is demonstrably lower for men to hop over (or slither under). The Rock Hall recognised Pearl Jam about four seconds after they became eligible – and yet Chaka Khan, eligible since 2003, languishes with seven nominations. All is not lost, though – the Rock Hall is doing a special programme for Women’s History Month on her stagewear ...

What makes Khan’s always-a-bridesmaid status especially tragic is that she was, is and always will be a primogenitor. A singular figure, she has been the Queen of Funk since she was barely out of her teens. As Rickie Lee Jones said: “There was Aretha and then there was Chaka. You heard them sing and knew no one has ever done that before.”

Unworthy … Chaka Khan on stage in Toronto in 2018. Photograph: Rich Fury/Getty Images for Netflix

Yet Khan changed music; when she was on stage in her feathered kit, taking Tell Me Something Good to all the places it goes, she opened up a libidinal new world. Sensuality, Blackness: she was so very free. It was godlike. And nothing was ever the same.

But for all her exceptional talent and accomplishments – and if there is one thing women in music must be, it is endlessly exceptional – Khan has not convinced the Rock Hall. Her credits, her Grammys, her longevity, her craft, her tenacity to survive being a young Black woman with a mind of her own in the 70s music business, the bridge to Close the Door – none of it merits canonisation. Or so sayeth the Rock Hall.

The Rock Hall’s canon-making doesn’t just reek of sexist gatekeeping, but also purposeful ignorance and hostility. This year, one voter told Vulture magazine that they barely knew who Bush was – in a year she had a worldwide No 1 single 38 years after she first released it. Meg White’s potential induction as one half of the White Stripes (in their first year of eligibility) has sparked openly contemptuous discourse online; you sense that if voters could get Jack White in without her, they would do it today. And still: she would be only the third female drummer in there, following the Go-Go’s Gina Shock and Mo Tucker of the Velvet Underground. Where is Sheila E – eligible since 2001?

It doesn’t look good for Black artists, either – the Beastie Boys were inducted in 2012 ahead of most of the Black hip-hop artists they learned to rhyme from. A Tribe Called Quest, eligible since 2010 and whose music forged a new frontier for hip-hop, were nominated last year and again this year, a roll of the dice against the white rockers they are forced to compete with on the ballots.

If so few women are being inducted into the Rock Hall, then the nominating committee is broken. If so few Black artists, so few women of colour, are being inducted, then the voting process needs to be overhauled. Music is a lifeforce that is constantly evolving – and they can’t keep up. Shame on HBO for propping up this farce.

If the Rock Hall is not willing to look at the ways it is replicating the violence of structural racism and sexism that artists face in the music industry, if it cannot properly honour what visionary women artists have created, innovated, revolutionised and contributed to popular music – well, then let it go to hell in a handbag.

• Courtney Love is a singer, musician and actor

[jaspervulpintine]

Matthew Lillard, bisexual, male + he/him → isn’t that Jasper Vulpintine? i’ve seen them hanging out with the were-creatures. i hear they're 26, but they’ve only been in alexandria for 6 months. they seem to be curious & gentle, but also crafty & skeptical. it’s cool that their animal counterpart is a fox.

Basics.

Full name: Jasper Vulpintine

Age: 26

Orientation: Bisexual

Species: Were-creature (Fox)

Height: 6ft 4'

-

Appearance.

Pictured above is exactly how Jasper looks.

Jasper has blonde hair that is brunette at the roots and his eyes are blue. He has no piercings or tattoos.

His appearance will vary in the GIFs I use but this is the 'canon' Jasper.

-

Family.

Jenna (Mother)

Judah (Father)

Jack (Eldest brother)

Jerry (Elder brother)

Juliette (Twin sister - older by a few minutes)

-

Biography.

(TW: alcohol/drug use, fire, shooting, attempted manslaughter, mental health issues)

The Vulpintine family were one of great affluence. Proud business owners, Jenna and Judah decided to have three children with the intention of leaving a business to each child to ensure their stability and success in life. However, this plan went awry. When they went to welcome the arrival of their third child, they were met with twins.

Ignoring the obvious problem, the family continued on as normal. The children were raised mostly by a live in nanny, making any actual bonding time with their parents scarce and often hard fought for between the four. While the others grew accustomed and found ways to entertain themselves, Jasper grew to be needy and often acted out for the sake of getting attention.

By early adulthood, he was living a life of partying and reckless engagements with just about anyone who was willing to give him their time. And so, on his 25th birthday, his parents decided to award his twin sister the last remaining family business, leaving Jasper with nothing for himself. They chalked it up to a harsh life lesson and told him to reconsider the path he was currently on as his ways brought great shame to their family name.

Humiliated and enraged, Jasper spent the next few days heavily intoxicated and in his unstable state lit a branch on fire, shifted into his fox form and snuck into his sister's room with the intention of burning it down. The flame took and quicker than he had time to process, the fire spread and reality hit him. The alarms sounded and as people began to come look. He attempted to flee the scene, hoping his shifted state would be enough to keep him hidden in the dark of night. However, he hadn't accounted for his eldest brother's keen eye and before he could make it down the stairs, Jack shot him in the flank, sending him tumbling into unconsciousness.

When he came around, he found himself in the middle of a forest. Like nothing he'd ever seen before. He was completely alone, but the agony of his leg reminded him as to why. He never heard from his family again and is still unsure what became of Juliette that night. He searched for civilisation but eventually gave up hope. Weak and weary, he shifted into his fox form and over time learnt to hunt, dig and slowly make a rudimentary life for himself. By the time he stumbled across Alexandria, he was set in his ways. Wary of people and bordering on antisocial. Though he still lives in the forest, he's grown to rely on the nearby town and finds himself returning often to see what he can buy, trade or steal.

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Personality.

Due to spending so long away from people, Jasper’s grown to be antisocial. He doesn’t trust easily and usually doesn’t say more than he absolutely has to, to get his point across. He’s quite shy and timid at first, relying on his senses to keep him safe, rather than communication. But, if he warms up to you, he will be fiercely loyal and affectionate.

He’s not quick to anger, but, he is quick to resort to violence if he’s pushed. He hunts for a living and so finds biting/hitting to be his quickest options to end a threatening situation. However, he doesn’t rear up without very good reason.

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Potential Connections.

A good samaritan, who takes pity Jasper and leaves food out for him either near their home or at a designated place in the forest. Eventually, he’ll arrive in time to see who it is, and they get to talking.

A not so secret admirer perhaps someone who wants to help him reintroduce himself to society, or is fascinated by his lifestyle and wishes to follow alongside him.

Romantic interest, preferably a long term partner with the knowledge that it would likely be unconventional and they’d have to be willing to spend a lot of time outdoors to be with him.

A petty rival, someone who finds Jasper to be a pest, perhaps he’s stealing from their garbage or off of their washing line and they eventually catch him and see who’s causing them trouble.

A nighttime companion, Jasper is often awake at strange times and has no real designated sleeping schedule. It would be nice for him to find a gentle companion to go on late night walks with and perhaps look out at the stars and contemplate life.

(Of course, I’m up for almost anything else, but, these are just some ideas to help kickstart a bigger conversation)

[artfulprankster]

“It feels so good to laugh!”

Short summary:

George Beard is a fourth grader at Jerome Horwitz Elementary School. He is best friends with Harold Hutchins and is one of the two main protagonists of the Captain Underpants series. He lives with his parents and two cats. He’s the de facto leader of the trio, using his bravery to protect those who cannot protect themselves.

🖌Basic information 🖌

Name: George Beard

Age: 10

Gender: Cis-Male

Pronouns: He/him

Height: 4’6

Birthday: July 11, 1986

Zodiac: Cancer

Sexuality: Bi

Species: Human

Race: Black

Languages: English

Relationships:

Family:

Barbara Beard (mother), Moses Beard (father), Harold Hutchins (Non blood related brother), George's Grandma (grandma), Lisa Beard (future wife), Nik Beard (future son), Meena Beard (future daughter).

Friends: Captain Underpants, Sulu, Crackers, Erica Wang, Bo Hweemuth, Steve Yamaguchi, Jessica and the Sophies, Stanley Peet, Dressy Killman, Moxie Swaggerman, Melvin Sneedly (Sometimes), Tony, Orlando, and Dawn, Livmen, Wendy Swan, Mr. Cleveland, Cash Networth, Diddlysaurus, Plungerina, Creeply Rattlechains, Grace Wain, Jerry Citizen, Dr. Shifty Fitzgibbons, Old Captain Underpants, Sergeant Boxers.

Apperance

George is a 10 year old boy. He is introduced as being "the kid on the left with the tie and flat top". True to this description, George wears a white collared T-shirt with a red tie and has a crew cut (before Harold gave him a haircut during their final anti-bully prank, he had an afro that was bigger than his body at the time). He also wears shorts and brown shoes. In the animated incarnations, his hair is curlier.

In Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie, his yellow tie has red stripes, his shorts are a bit lighter, and his sneakers are black and white.

In The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants, his tie is completely red and his sneakers are dark blue instead of black.

Personality:

Alignment: Chaotic Lawful + Good

Archetypes: The Hero and The Everyman

Type: ENFP-T, The Campaigner.

George, like his best friend Harold, is a class clown and loves to pull pranks. However, George is more bold than Harold and usually the brains behind their prank ideas. He is the braver of the two, using his lionheart to stand up to injustice. George is ironically a bit more cautious when it comes to fighting monsters. Despite his pranking nature, George's actions are generally targeted towards adult cruelty, such as his teachers and not his fellow students.

His other hobbies are skateboarding, watching TV, and making comic books with Harold, where he writes the comics. He has created comic book characters like Captain Underpants, Super Diaper Baby, Timmy the Talking Toilet, Dog Man, Ook and Gluk, Boxer Boy, Great Granny Girdle, and the Amazing Cow Lady. Despite crediting himself as a good speller, he often misspells words.

He uses his bravery to help protect Harold, even though the later is much stronger in terms of physical strength. He doesn’t stand for injustice and will use his tie to give some no good bad guys a real kick in the pants. He’s also incredibly smart and resourceful, usually the one making plans in the middle of battles.

Fun facts and information:

❤️: George, Alongside Harold, canonically has ADHD and Dyslexia to match the series creator Dav.

❤️: George loves Hippopotamuses. He knows a good chunk about them and usually talks about them to Harold.

❤️: George’s favorite food is Chocolate chip cookies!

❤️: Even though George Beard is a 6th grader in elementary school, in most places 6th graders are in middle school. Meaning he’s a prodigy child And has advanced knowledge compared to other kids in his class.

❤️: In book 6, he actually breaks the fourth wall by yelling at the narrator to stop describing Melvin's booger form so much, as he's making everyone sick with his disgusting imagery.

❤️: He is extremely sensitive to loud sounds. As seen in the movie multiple times where he’s plugged his ears due to loud noises.

❤️: he is also afraid of blood.

Backstory and present:

Like Harold’s, this will have a mix of book lore and show lore. This section also contains spoilers for both the books and show.

Warnings for themes of bullying, brainwashing, mind control, violence and more

Pre-Captain Underpants / Early Life

George Beard was born a quarter of a year after his best friend Harold Hutchins. Described as a "precocious" child, George's mother had already taught him how to read and write, and by kindergarten, scored higher on tests "than most children half his age." In fact, George was so smart for his age his teachers recommended he skip to the third grade, but his parents decided against it, reasoning that George would be overall better off in a classroom with students his age. George's parents, however, came to question that decision, as although it helped George develop adept social skills and was well-liked by his classmates, he was often bored in class due to his higher intellect and sometimes got into mischief, to the dismay of his teachers and parents.

When not riding his skateboard, reading comic books and graphic novels, or watching monster movies, George would often write stories, and had reportedly "filled up" twenty one spiral notebooks full of "marvelously silly adventure stories" he had written, one such being The Fart That Ate Detroit. Most of George's stories would often get him in trouble, due to at least most of them being filled with inappropriate and violent content for his age, despite his classmates enjoying them whenever he read them aloud.

Sometime during or before kindergarten, he and his parents moved from Michigan to Piqua, Ohio, in the hopes of starting a new life. On his first school day there, George's mother wanted George to make a good first impression at school by wearing a tie, which, after a short argument, reluctantly agreed to wear it, stating that "ties are for nerds".

On the way skateboarding to school, George was waiting for the traffic light to change when he saw Mr. Billy Bill, an unfriendly and cold gas station owner, push his new neighbor, Harold Hutchins, towards a few mean-looking sixth-graders, who yank the kid up and steal Harold's lunch money while the gas station owner watched and cruelly told the kid he needed to learn to stick up for himself, apparently humored by the child's lack of advantage against the bullies. George was visibly angered by the hostility and unfairness of the circumstance, as the bullies and Bill were easily bigger and stronger than Harold and outnumbered him 5 - 1.

When the light changed and the bullies had dragged poor Harold away, George walked over and switched the words on the gas station sign from "Free Brake Inspection" to "Free Bra Inspection", attracting the attention of an increasing mob of women, who became angry at the new words on the sign and beat the horrible gas station owner senseless. George parroted the same words Bill had said to the kid.

Finished with Bill, George skateboarded to the school and yelled at the boys to leave Harold alone. When the bullies Kipper Krupp and his gang began to run toward George, he undid his tie and proceeded to whip Kipper and his friends with his tie, scaring them to retreat into a trash bin. With the bullies in the trash bin, George stated firmly to them that if they messed with him or Harold again, they "will get the tie", and snapped his tie in the air again to make his point. Through his tears, Kipper wailed for his uncle Benjamin Krupp, who came over and demanded what was going on. Kipper framed George for bullying him, and took George and Harold (whom Krupp thought was lying about George merely defending himself) into detention.

In detention, the two sat quietly until the kid started to draw. Harold introduced himself as George's neighbor, and lent him papers to write on. George and Harold spent the entirety of the detention (which lasted all day due to Krupp being so busy that day he forgot about the boys) working on their first comic together, The Adventures of Dog Man. On the way out the school, the two came across Kipper and his gang, about to give "killer wedgies" to a couple of kindergartners, but when they saw George, the bullies released the kids and ran away. On the way home, the two talked about each other's interests and decided to start their own comic book company, Tree House Comix Inc.. After greeting his father, introducing him to Harold, making a couple of peanut butter and gummy-worm sandwiches, the boys went straight to George's bedroom and began writing a list of Kipper Krupp's strengths and weaknesses, only having but only needing "kinda dumb" under the weaknesses section.

The next day at school, the boys spent every free moment they had spying on Kipper and his gang, studying his schedule, behavior, and activities. They got his locker number and the type of padlock he used, even going so far as to stay after school, when Kipper had wrestling class. In just a week, George and Harold knew Kipper's schedule better than Kipper himself knew. One day after school, the boys went to a local hardware store and bought a padlock that was the same type as Kipper's, and went across the street to a toy store and bought a Susie Sunshine Friendship Bracelet Kit. That weekend, George and Harold spent most of their time planning and designing pranks to assist them in putting an end to Kipper's bullying. They got a roll of shelf-lining paper from the Beard family's kitchen and pants and dress shoes Harold's father left behind and nailed them to a pair of wooden stilts they had built.

On Monday, George and Harold arrived at school fifteen minutes early to take the friendship bracelet kit and the stilt pants into the boy's lavatory inside a stall, which looked from the outside as if someone was using the toilet. When the rest of the students arrived, George and Harold continued with their day, until the afternoon when they asked to use the restroom, during which they quickly grabbed the stilt pants and used it and the shelf-lining paper to make measurements on and around Kipper's locker. causing him to get embarrassed in front of his friends However, Kipper eventually catches on to the setup and, the next day, him and his gang steal the pizzas that George and Harold bought for the kindergartners as a way to torture them even further.

Infuriated, the two friends come up with another major prank on the bullies in retaliation. First, they fill the four bullies' lockers with shaving cream to pass it off as ectoplasmic ghost juice. While initially this works, Principal Krupp points out that the "ectoplasm" was obviously sprayed through the vents on doors. Enraged and tired of the anonymous pranks, Kipper and his friends begin to torture the kindergarteners for answers, even stealing more pizzas, which George and Harold were actually counting on them to steal, as they ordered them to have double ghost chili peppers (Piqua Pizza Palace's hottest chili peppers) which cause the bullies' tongues to burn up completely, resulting in them getting sent to the nurse's office.

George and Harold eventually create a comic that tells the tale of Wedgie Magee and the signs of his curse, all of which match their pranks. After Kipper and his gang "see" that ghost (George on stilts, wearing a giant pair of pants), they run outside in terror, during a severe thunderstorm and power outage.

On Monday morning, Kipper gives a 5 dollar bill to Donny Shoemeyer and promises to return all the money he stole from him. Elsewhere, Kipper's friends are passing out money to the kindergartners and doing good deeds for them. Kipper and his friends eventually gave back all the money they stole and never picked on anyone ever again.

Elementary school days

As they grew up, they excessively pull numerous pranks on the cruel teachers, many of which are directed at their bitter principal, Mr. Benjamin "Benny" Krupp, putting the two at odds with him. The duo also create comic books about an imaginary superhero named Captain Underpants, who fights crime in a pair of underwear and a cape. They distribute these to their schoolmates through a comic company called Treehouse Comix Inc., located in their treehouse.

George and Harold's pranks come to an apparent end after they're caught tampering with a toilet invention, the Turbo Toilet 2000, made by the school's intelligent and local snitch and intellectual, Melvin Sneedly, on video. Finally having solid proof of the boys' antics, Mr. Krupp excitedly prepares to annihilate their friendship by putting them in separate classes.

To prevent this, George hypnotizes Mr. Krupp with a 3D Hypno Ring he received out of a cereal box. The boys see that Mr. Krupp bears an odd resemblance to Captain Underpants without his toupee and command him to be Captain Underpants. The boys soon learn the severity of their actions when "Captain Underpants" begins causing problems around Piqua. To prevent these issues, the boys take him to their treehouse, where they discover that they can turn Captain Underpants back into Mr. Krupp by splashing water on him and can turn him back into Captain Underpants by snapping their fingers.

Knowing that Mr. Krupp will continue trying to separate them, they decide to settle with Captain Underpants but insist that he be dressed up as Mr. Krupp under the pretense of a "secret identity," to which Captain Underpants agrees. His sudden personality change even manages to attract the attention (and affection) of the school's shy lunch lady, Edith. Just when George and Harold believe that their troubles have ended, Jerome Horwitz Elementary School is visited by an odd, German-accented scientist named Professor Pee-Pee Diarrheastein Poopypants, Esq., or as he calls himself, Professor P (who is pretending to be a nice school teacher). Captain Underpants (disguised as Mr. Krupp) hires him to be the new science teacher, but George and Harold are suspicious of him due to his violent and short-tempered attitude, as well as his resume's content.

Captain Underpants, George and Harold have a plan to make Jerome Horwitz Elementary School fun again. As the first step of their plan, George and Harold made Captain Underpants conduct the 1812 Overture, with whoopee cushions to reboot the school. As the second step, they open the art room. For the third step, Captain Underpants sets up a funfair at the schoolyard, However, Harold and George have to keep watch of Captain Underpants as most of the games involve water. Mr Krupp is snapped into Captain Underpants back and forth as the boys would try to keep track of him due to the shenanigans taking place. As it starts to rain, Captain Underpants is back into an angry Krupp. Mr. Krupp finally separates the boys, which causes their plan to fail due to Professor Poopypants's reign of terror.

Professor Poopypants tries to take over the town with a giant version of the Turbo Toilet 2000, fueled by the school cafeteria's rotten leftovers left out by Edith and uses Melvin's brain to turn the children into glum, humorless zombies. George and Harold are caught by Mr. Krupp but to stop Professor Poopypants, the boys had no choice but to snap Krupp into Captain Underpants once again. Captain Underpants tries to stop the villain, but due to having no actual superpowers, is effortlessly defeated and thrown into the toilet. George and Harold are captured and nearly turned into zombies, but are able to escape after Professor Poopypants mentions the planet Uranus, causing the boys to laugh and damage the Turbo Toilet 2000's computer, restoring the children back to normal. Upon consuming the mutated leftovers, Captain Underpants acquires superpowers and, with George and Harold's help, defeats and shrinks Poopypants. Professor Poopypants easily escapes on a bee while the Turbo Toilet 2000 is sent to the junkyard for scrap.

Meanwhile, George and Harold destroy the Hypno Ring while bidding their final farewell to Captain Underpants in an attempt to permanently change him back to Mr. Krupp. Feeling that Mr. Krupp would be nicer if he had friends, the boys set him and lovesick Edith up on a date, thus making Mr. Krupp have a change of heart. Krupp returns the comics he took away from George and Harold, and even admits their comics are funny. However, the toxic waste from the Turbo Toilet 2000 transforms all the toilets into an army of Talking Toilets which attack the restaurant at which Mr. Krupp and Edith are dining. Mr. Krupp and Edith notice a toilet eating a guest and as Mr. Krupp calls for a waiter to get a check in hopes of leaving, upon snapping his fingers accidentally, Mr. Krupp once again becomes Captain Underpants, carrying George and Harold away to help him fight them, much to Edith's surprise and admiration

Post movie canon and Wacky side adventures

The two friends since then have been on many adventures along side the lovable superhero Captain Underpants. The adventures are already written on Harold’s bio, so head over there to see more wacky adventures!

Adult life and more

George beard gets married to Lisa Beard sometime after college. He had taken classes for a culinary degree, to which he got a associates degree and then dedicated his full time into a masters in writing and history. George works as a successful author with his own set of Autobiographies, The life of a superhero’s sidekick, along side the Dogman series. He works alongside Harold and sometimes Melvin.

[leffee]

I’d love nothing more then to hear More lps head cannons! Whenever you get the chance!

Wait, now I wonder if it's the same darling anon who sends me those asks or maybe I have two or more. I mean, I have 4 asks regarding lps now, so just wondering. Either way, I'm beyond happy and thank you for enabling my addiction :>.

As always, most of those are for that Human!Au but feel free to imagine them as anything you want to if it fits. Also, I'll try to be normal and focus more on other characters besides Vinnie. I love them all but he's just-he's just ugggh. Anyway:

ok, so first of all, it's not really a headcanon but imagine all 7 of them lovelies in a poly, thank you, let's continue

literally none of the little shits workout besides Zoe, you know, she is a model. She jogs mostly. Some of them tried working out but gave up quickly

from the shortest to tallest they go like this: Russell/Vinnie (no one knows which one of them is taller), Minka, Pepper, Zoe (I imagine these two are almost the same height and I keep changing which one is taller so don't think too much about it), Penny (There's quite a big gap between her and Zoe or alternatively Pepper), Sunil

somehow only two of them have siblings and those two are Zoe and Vinnie (Zoe has Gail obviously, and Vinnie's sister lays solely in my headcanon) Also, maybe Penny? It's not estabilished in my head but I can totally see her having at least 3 siblings

okay, this is actually factual as far as I understand. So when lizards lose their tail they also lose the energy stored in there so yeah, Vinnie gets tired after that (Yes, I have in fact read a whole wikipedia about geckos)

cursing scale bc why not: both Pepper and Vinnie curse on a daily basis, not that much to be obscene or anything, but pretty much daily, then there's Zoe and Sunil who curse every now and then usually when there's a good occasion to, Minka and Penny rarely but they do, good sitauation required, Russell almost never but it happens

ok, now this is a headcanon in a headcanon. Vinnie firmly believes that Sunil is just as, if not smarter than Russell, and that others just don't pay that much attention to it because their first association with Sunil isn't usually that intelligence, but something else. While with Russell it's the other way around, when asked about him being smart is usally first or second characteristisc others associate with him

speaking of Russell, his mother is long dead and he only lives with/has his dad (I guess this technically can be considered canon? Eh. Praise Jerry.)

actually, three of them live with only one parent, Russell, Minka, and Vinnie. Russell and Minka with their dads and Vinnie with his mom

they all can be such assholes sometime lmao

That shall be the end for now, mainly because I have another ask about general lps headcanons so I want to leave something for it :D. Also, for the future reference, unless you don't care, lemme know whether you lovelies want pets' headcanons, humans, or maybe something else.

[nanatsumu]

HIGH SCHOOL!SUKUNA x F!READER

thinking about bad boy itadori sukuna who all the kids at school try to steer clear from because they know he’s bad news and if you get involved with him then you’re bound to be tied with bad luck for as long as he lives. well, that is everyone except for the president of the student council who so happens to be his childhood best friend turned lover.

this is mostly written for my own self indulgence and to project my fantasies of having a boyfriend onto sukuna but feel free to treat this as any other headcanon! ps i am pretty sure canon sukuna would kill a baby at any given situation, but this is going to be a revamped version of sukuna written by yours truly ;) and its a high school au so sukuna won’t be a complete menace to society and will actually have a heart heh

also i didn’t realize how long this was going to be??? this is kind of all over place too because i just wanted to throw all of my thoughts onto this post so there might be some plot holes in this LOL

i feel like sukuna would be the type of bad boy who isn’t necessarily a bad boy but everyone at school just paints him as some kind of delinquent because of all the tattoos and piercings he has.

he actually shows up to school more often than you think he would (but that’s only because you’re in most of his classes so long story short: you’re his only motivation for attending class)

“forgets” to bring his work books to class more than usual (in reality he does this on purpose so he has an excuse to be near you) so he requests to sit next to you the entire class period so he can share with you for the meantime but whenever the teachers not looking he’ll go back to admiring your face.

his older twin brother, itadori yuji, is very fond of you since you three grew up together and you both had your chances of being a victim to his antics!

exhibit a: in middle school when you and yuji were watching tv together, the show you two were watching would keep switching to some wrestling match broadcasting on a sports channel and no matter how many times you turned the tv on and off, it just would not stop. but it wasn’t until you heard snickering from the kitchen that you realized sukuna had a spare remote and was the mastermind behind the whole thing.

exhibit b: sukuna and yuji’s mom was the owner of a bakery so every now and then she would have either one of the twins come deliver freshly baked pastries to your household! oh how wrong was she to trust her youngest. sukuna was now a freshman in high school, and by now you would’ve thought that sukuna would have grown out of his childish phase, but WRONG! sukuna was still a menace in your life even past childhood. so when you bit into one of the macaroons, instead of being hit with the overwhelming taste of [favorite flavor], all you could feel was the burning sensation of wasabi kicking into your tastebuds.

yeah after the whole wasabi macaroon freak accident, you stopped accepting everything sukuna offered to you and opted to only eating pastries out of the boxes that yuji delivered to you. (sukuna eventually caught onto this and was just TEENSY bit upset but he would rather down a whole tube of wasabi than to tell you upfront)

now, how did you two even end up dating??? oh boy now that is a story

you see, yours and sukuna’s dynamic growing up was similar to that of tom and jerry’s— you being jerry and sukuna being 10x worse than tom of course

but it wasn’t until a confession after school behind the cherry blossom tree that was known for bringing good luck to successful confessions that sukuna finally realized that maybe he really did like you just a little lot bit

sukuna overheard the boy who was planning on confessing to you talking to his friend group about how “sweet and caring” you are (although sukuna could argue otherwise, you were a little brat. *LIKE HELLO?!&:&:& YOU WEREN’T THE ONE WHO ATE A MACAROON FILLED WASABI**) and obviously his ears perked up at the mention of your name. he grew up with you after all so naturally he would be interested in a conversation that revolved around you.

but then the boys started going on about how “you looked like an easy catch” and how “your body was bangin’!” yeah no, that’s where he drew the line. sure sukuna was an ass and talked shit about you most of the time (in his defense it wasn’t like he was doing it behind your back) but if he ever caught someone else talking about you like that then he would be sure to give them a hard time.

he hid behind one of the bushes near the cherry blossom tree while the boy was professing his love for you. funnily enough, for a moment sukuna forgot why he was originally there because he was too busy trying to stifle a laugh as he watched the boy stumble over his words.

“okay shows over” sukuna thought as the confession was reaching its conclusion, but just as he was about to step in and give the poor boy a piece of his mind, he stopped in his tracks when he heard you roaring with laughter.

“did you really think that i wouldn’t hear about what you and your friends said about me earlier? you’re really pathetic if you think any girl would be easy enough to fall to her knees for you because news flash! you’re a disgusting pig and you deserve to rot in hell for speaking about a girl’s worth like that.”

“it’s kind of sad too, i thought you were a nice boy and i probably would have given you a chance but it seems like you’re even worse than scum! damn it, to think there was somebody out there who’s even worse than sukuna.”

of course sukuna was not pleased to hear that last bit, but he did have a proud grin forming on his face as he watched the boy run away, flustered from your rejection and the embarrassment he was put through.

“sukuna i know you’re hiding behind the bush.”

“huh? i came here way before you got here, there’s no way you could have seen me.” he said as he stood up to his full height.

“well, your laughter isn’t exactly the quietest, plus i can spot that hair of yours from a mile away.”

lets just say, sukuna was glad you didn’t ask him what he was doing there because he wasn’t sure if he could spare the embarrassment of telling you that he was planning on ruining the confession.

after that whole fiasco happened, sukuna started to feel(!&:&::&) things

like he started to notice how you styled your hair differently one day and how you switched to a new perfume that smelled like spearmint (was that weird? for sukuna probably not. he just excuses it as being highly observant)

you weren’t dumb either, you had a feeling sukuna was there that day of the confession because he too had overheard the conversation between the boy and his friends as well (you knew he was prideful and if you brought it up then he probably would’ve denied it)

so from there on out it was just mutual pining at the point except... well.... not really??

i feel like it was just an unspoken agreement between you two that you guys were “together” but not “together together” because he started to treat you differently than he would before. like for example, he’d carry your bag for you whenever you guys would walk home (yuji was confused by this at first because if anything, it would have made more sense to see sukuna make you carry HIS bag, but he eventually caught on to sukuna’s feelings for you because they were twin brothers after all), he started walking you to class more often even though his class was all the way on the other side of the school (you asked him why but he just shrugged and said he was just “killing time” so that he wouldn’t have to go to class and then you ended up scolding him), and there was also that one time you miraculously found a $20 bill in your backpack after mentioning to sukuna that there was this cute top you saw at the mall the other day but didn’t have enough money at the time to purchase it (you asked him about this but he said it was probably yuji, but you didn’t want to pry any further since you wanted to cherish the fact that sukuna cared that much)

but eventually you got sick of this whole push and pull game that you physically had to tug the collar of his school uniform and pull him in for a kiss (he was visibly shocked at this because he never would’ve imagined you as the assertive type. not that he was complaining though)

“oya? didn’t think you liked me this much kitten.” he said laughing while you rolled your eyes.

“as if, i got tired of you being a wuss so one of us had to wear the pants in the relationship.” you snorted, causing him to irk.

to be honest, your relationship with him is smooth sailing because you both were pretty chill people and you didn’t have to worry about him sneaking behind your back to see other girls because 1. literally all the girls at school are terrified of him and 2. he knew what you were capable of doing to him if you were to ever catch him cheating on you so he wants to stay on your good side

jealous and possessive don’t exist in his dictionary because he is the epitome of those two words. remember what i said about how your relationship is smooth sailing? i kinda lied.

he’s easily jealous like for example: when you were in english class and the teacher had you guys jot down some notes, you realized you forgot to ask for your pencil back when you lent it to your friend last period.

so you asked sukuna to borrow a pencil but instead of giving you a pencil, he called you an idiot for being so forgetful.

this makes you mad so you turn to your male classmate since he was sitting on your opposite side and ask him for a pencil instead.

sukuna was practically fuming the entire class period and once the day ended and you two were back at your place, he made sure to mark you real good. (oh he also went out to buy a pack of mechanical pencils to sneak into your backpack so that next time you forget your pencils, you’ll have 10 extra pencils sitting in your backpack as backup)

he’s not a big fan of pda in public, but on the chances he will show some of it, the most he will do is wrap an arm around your shoulder or waist whenever some dude is trying to hit on you.

BUT IN PRIVATE? better buckle up because your in for a ride wink wink

really likes putting hickeys on you to a fault! but will never put any visible ones on your neck because he doesn’t want your parents to view him as some kind of animal (but he has nothing to worry about because your parents really like him and are grateful for the fact that he’s very loyal to you, and you guys grew up together so it’s only natural that your parents are accepting of him since they already know he has a good heart underneath that tough facade of his)

oh, and yuji starts learning how to knock whenever you come over (or shuts himself in his room for the meantime if he thinks it’s unsafe to step out of his room) because chances are, you’re probably making out with sukuna in his room or smth.

now onto the spicy stuff

when you and sukuna first started dating, the first thing you told him was that you weren’t ready to have sex yet because you were nervous and sukuna understood and told you that he was willing to wait for whenever you were ready.

but when you were ready though, it was kind of spontaneous and you weren’t even wearing a matching pair of bra and underwear that day

you two were chilling in your room watching some stupid (according to sukuna) animal documentary when suddenly you felt his hand on your thigh

dating sukuna and all, it was normal for him to have his hands on some part of your body (whether it be your thigh or your waist) while you two were in bed.

but you were feeling a bit bolder HORNEE than usual so you began to leave a hot trail of kisses starting from his jaw all the way down to his neck.

sukuna obviously got the memo but before those kisses could escalate into something more daring, he asked you once more if you were completely sure you wanted to do it and once you gave him the green light, he was quick to tug his shirt over his head and pounce on you.

he started getting really into it though and accidentally bit your thigh which made you loose your high and scold him for it, but he let out a hearty laugh and muttered a quick apology before getting back into business

sike i lied, remember what i said about it being spontaneous? yeah, you technically didn’t loose your virginity to him that day because after he finished prepping you, you both came to a realization that you didn’t have a condom.

oh well, there’s always next time!

i think sukuna is a sucker for pet names: his favorite thing to call you is either kitten or princess and that’s it LOL he finds calling you baby or babe is a bit too cheesy for him

but he likes it when you call him baby or babe ;)

date nights consist of either staying in and cuddling in his room, going out for a walk at night (but very very late though. there’s still lamp posts that guide your way through the streets but it gives you the heebie jeebies to be out walking outside so late. sukuna always reminds you that nothing bad will happen as long as he’s right by your side), or just spending time with you and your families.

but if you’re really down to do it, he’ll probably initiate a make out session that’ll lead to y’all fucking one way or another (he only ever does it if he is 100% sure that you’re feeling it because he knows you get easily embarrassed if he asks you straight up)

(this part is mainly written for me because i love the idea of sukuna being over at family functions, but it can be applied as part of the general hc heh) if you took him to any of your family functions as your plus one for the first time, all the aunts and uncles would be a bit wary of him at first due to all of the tattoos and piercings he has (sukuna swears he has never felt so self conscious before) but after they strike up a conversation with him and find out that he’s actually a good guy who knows what he wants to do in the future and is very loyal to you, they start to like him more.

your little cousins adore him and love it when he comes over because sukuna is a very tall high schooler which makes him the perfect candidate as a monkey bar

so when you noticed that all the little ones started to climb on his body and mess around with his hair, you were quick to react because you knew your boyfriend was easily irritable which prompted you to think he hated kids

but there was nothing to worry about because when you saw him playing around with them and even crack a smile, you felt your heart grow fuzzy at the sight and you knew right then and there that you wanted to stick by sukuna’s side for the rest of your life

and in the unfortunate circumstances that sukuna is too busy to make it to one of your functions, the first thing everyone asks is “where’s your boyfriend?” or “where’s ‘kuna? i wanna play with him!”

so you have to facetime him and let him know that everyone is wondering where he is (your phone is dead by the end of the night because after the adults get their turn at saying hi to your boyfriend, the kids snatch your phone and end up talking to him for the rest of the night)

but in conclusion, everyone is waiting for the day he gets on one knee to propose to you and your parents are itching to get to get call sukuna their son-in-law :))

also don’t forget that your parents want two grandchildren: one boy and one girl!

[faroreswinds]

Lots of anons for Three Hopes

I'm not one for schadenfreude but r/edelgard has been going through a meltdown since the leaks started (after initially being smug about the Claude Edel handshake) and it is DELICIOUS. Like literally the game goes out of its way yo tell you Edelgard is imperialist. And ato one point she teams up WITH rRhea. I love it.

I saw, lol. It went from “HAHA WE WIN” to “WTF IS THIS SHIT” very quickly. 

And don’t get me wrong, I’m also “wtf is this shit” in some places too, but not because I’m trying to gain some victory. 

Apparently the German reviewer said Azure Gleam felt short/the ending was abrupt, but tbh I’ll take a rushed ending over total character assassination any day

Yeah, I saw that. And some other reviews have said that GW feels a little confusing on the politics and that SB barely touches on the Slithers. So, sounds like some bad writing might be heading our way again.

I heard people saying its a golden ending because the slithers are defeated and all the lords survive, but then I heard it’s not because war after the story is still implied (and all the fuckery involving claude and rhea, rhea can NOT catch a fucking break and the edelstans/khalidstans will eat that shit up), and it’s getting to be quite confusing! All I know for sure is that the discourse will get even worse and will truly show that 3houses/hopes have the worst fire emblem fandom experience

Oh, the fire has already begun to spread. It’s bad, anon. 

So, there is no “golden” ending. There is a secret ending, somehow unlocked, where Arval is killed. And the lords agree to a truce. A temporary truce, mind, because apparently there are hints that this truce won’t last. 

I highly doubt the blame will fall on Dimitri, dude literally is just “get off my lawn, I’m busy” embodied. 

Deathly curious, but where are you finding these leaks? I'm particularly curious on the supports and support lists.

There are a few data mines so shift through. 

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1m4xHogOjhfdRYywACT-ZHuexdiskAkPSE45soei5zeQ/edit#gid=146160821

https://mega.nz/file/vU5ESBwC#u5zwtxjC8ktoJOH-2q4wDJkexsBgplHtHr_g_4_wA5w

Enjoy.

So if we execute Jerry, then Leonie will be alright with it??? No, I have to believe that she leaves on the spot, as you kill her idol. I already remember how pissed she was when "Monica" does that.

Yeah, I’m not sure how that will work yet. Good question, to be honest.

They will probably make some bullshit up.

wait wait wait WAIT!!! In that little Dimilix blurb you posted am I supposed to take it that Felix was giving Dimitri a piggyback ride back to his bed?! Based on Dimitri saying his legs are dragging, Felix complaining about his height, and the tidbit of Dimitri carrying Felix once as kids it all suggests Felix is carrying Dimitri. That is both incredibly hilarious and ridiculously adorable!!!

Life is GOOD ANON, IT’S JUST ALL I EVER WANTED OUT OF LIFE HERE. 

Much bliss.

Does it say yet why Claude wants Rhea dead so badly in GW? He didn’t like her (at first) in VW but in Musou he’s outright willing to invade another country to kill her

We haven’t found out why yet. It’s still a big mystery. And a sad mystery. 

Like how you can play with both the GDs and BEs in SB/GW because of Edelgard and Claude teaming up, do you know if any of the BLs are recruitable to the other routes?

The BL’s are the least recruitable. Of the students, only Ashe and Mercedes can be recruit. Ashe all routes, Mercedes only to SB. 

It seems all the GD will just mass join the Empire at a certain point, likely due to Claude teaming up with Edelgard. However, the same is true for BL - the GD mass join Dimitri EXCEPT Lysithea and Leonie (BE recruits only). 

So if you like Felix or Sylvain, or even Annette, BL is the only route for you.

Now there is a “memory” battle type thing where you can replay any map with any character, but that’s not a “canon” way to play. Just for fun.

[motownfiction]

16-18 for any

any is a dangerous game around here ... so you know what? let's do the three original pairings.

for ✨lucy and will✨

16. character a is in a boyband/girl group/90’s pop group. what song do they cover that makes character b swoon over them at their concert?

this question is so funny ... let's assume will is in a boyband because uh. he can sing (this isn't canon). but i feel like he'd have a 90s pop cover of "everyday" by buddy holly, and lucy would love that. but she wouldn't be caught dead swooning at a concert. she'd silently admire him on her television.

17. your ship commits a crime (i.e., heist, bank robbery, arson, what have you.) what song plays as they outrun the police?

literally what crime would they have committed LMAO ... but assuming this is one hell of an AU, where they're like ... greasers, perhaps ... they might drive away to "come on, let's go" (ritchie valens).

18. zombie apocalypse AU! what song plays as character a suddenly realizes they are not alone in the world when they find character b’s shelter and vice versa?

will is definitely the character finding lucy's shelter because she's smart enough to have established one well, well before the zombie apocalypse was even a threat. but i think they'd hear "this woman's work" (kate bush) because i deserve a good kate bush needle drop. also this is assuming they knew each other before the zombie apocalypse, and this is what's finally bringing them close together ("i know you've got a little life in you yet").

for ✨sadie and daniel✨

16. character a is in a boyband/girl group/90’s pop group. what song do they cover that makes character b swoon over them at their concert?

lmao, sadie is definitely the one in the girl group here. daniel hears her poppy cover of "it never rains in southern california" (albert hammond), and he falls in love with her, if only because it's such a weird choice. but she'd do this.

17. your ship commits a crime (i.e., heist, bank robbery, arson, what have you.) what song plays as they outrun the police?

they are even less likely to commit a crime LMAO ... but in this AU where they're like ... greasers or something ... and daniel kills somebody at a park ... maybe they'd hop on a freight train while "busted" (johnny cash) plays.

18. zombie apocalypse AU! what song plays as character a suddenly realizes they are not alone in the world when they find character b’s shelter and vice versa?

in this case, daniel is the one who establishes a shelter first, because he's more about protecting himself (whereas sadie searches for other people to help, and she's devastated to find that there's no one for her to help ... until she finds daniel). at this point, the audience would hear "heartbeats" (josé gonzález). yes, this is an anachronistic needle drop. yes, i got it from one tree hill. but it doesn't matter! this is the original theme song for this pairing, so i'm using it.

for ✨sam and steph✨

16. character a is in a boyband/girl group/90’s pop group. what song do they cover that makes character b swoon over them at their concert?

see, you'd think sam is the one in the boyband, but he's not. sam isn't a musician; he's a music collector. so, steph is the one singing a song. and i think she performs a 90s pop version of "dream a little dream of me" (the mamas and the papas), and sam is impressed by the way she almost sort of rivals mama cass. but no one can truly reach the same heights as mama cass.

17. your ship commits a crime (i.e., heist, bank robbery, arson, what have you.) what song plays as they outrun the police?

let's see ... in this same AU, steph and sam have just shoplifted something dumb, like coke bottles from the gas station. on their way out of the store, the audience hears "whole lot of shakin' going on" (jerry lee lewis) because i simply don't have another choice. it has to be jerry lee lewis.

18. zombie apocalypse AU! what song plays as character a suddenly realizes they are not alone in the world when they find character b’s shelter and vice versa?

steph is the one who already has shelter, and sam has been exploring the zombie wilderness a little too enthusiastically. he's like that. but when he comes upon her shelter, the audience hears "tuesday's gone" (lynyrd skynyrd). it just fits them. idk!

[whatsortofschoolisthis]

Name: Wednesday Anne Drew

Gender: Female

Age: 16

Birth Date: July 1st 1973

Species: (Human, Lycanthrope, Metamorphmagus, Vampire, ect): Human

Blood Status: (Pureblood, Half-Blood, Muggleborn): Pureblood

Sexuality: Straight

Alignment: Neutral Good

Ethnicity: Irish-American

Nationality: English, 

Residence: Lives in North Devon on the left side of Rubin and her cousins, the Tuttle’s live on the right. Formerly from a small town in Appalachia West Virgina.

Myer Briggs Personality Type: INTP - The Thinker.

THE MAGE

1st Wand: Beech, 11 inches, bendy, and a unicorn hair core

The true match for a beech wand will be, if young, wise beyond his or her years, and if full-grown, rich in understanding and experience. Beech wands perform very weakly for the narrow-minded and intolerant. Such wizards and witches, having obtained a beech wand without having been suitably matched (yet coveting this most desirable, richly hued and highly prized wand wood), have often presented themselves at the homes of learned wandmakers such as myself, demanding to know the reason for their handsome wand’s lack of power. When properly matched, the beech wand is capable of a subtlety and artistry rarely seen in any other wood, hence its lustrous reputation.

Unicorn hair generally produces the most consistent magic, and is least subject to fluctuations and blockages. Wands with unicorn cores are generally the most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts. They are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard.Minor disadvantages of unicorn hair are that they do not make the most powerful wands (although the wand wood may compensate) and that they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may ‘die’ and need replacing.

2nd Wand: Cherry Wood, 12 inches, slight flexibility, and a Thestral hair core

Considered highly prestigious in Turkey, Iran, Uzbekistan, Russia, and Japan, cherry is an extraordinarily powerful wand wood and demands, to summize from Ollivander, “owners with the highest self-control and mental strength.” Though Ollivander specifies this for dragon heartstring wands, such qualities are recommended for any cherry wand owner, lest they desire for their wand to run the show.

These witches and wizards believe in fate or destiny, and so they believe things happen for a reason. There is acceptance that they don’t have complete control over what happens to them, but that they also have control over their own actions. They may be hyper-responsible as a result and may even blame themselves for events unrelated to themselves.

They try to live like every day as their last– they do not want any regrets to follow them like ghosts. In doing so, they can be honest to the point of bluntness and will try everything they can. They also try to see the beauty in everything, and believe immortality is more of a curse than a gift. As cliche as it may be– transience, to them, is what makes life on earth beautiful and worth it.

These people will fight on a day to day basis for what they believe in, which is one of the reasons for this wand’s reputation of choosing warriors. So, despite their acceptance of fate, they are a stubborn folk and refuse to yield.

With the belief of thestrals as omens and bad luck, that the wand maker and the owner must have seen someone die and embrace death as a concept, as well as the tricky nature of this core make thestral tail hair a rare core to have. Many times when a person is matched with such a core, especially in pure blood families, they will have the person try another thousand wands, just to avoid the image associated with it. However, when such a pairing is allowed to happen that witch or wizard will never find a more faithful companion. This core has potent magic, and is among the most intelligent and sentient of wand cores. Owners are social, gentle with others’ feelings, and love to have philosophic conversations late into the night. They may appear morbid to friends, and have a fascination with death. These people often have a superior sense of direction, and rarely become lost or lose their possessions. Curiously, most of the small group of known thestral hair core owners have neutral resting faces, leading other to think they are perpetually either melancholic, cranky, or tired.

Animagus: Scarlett Tanager.

Misc Magical Abilities: (Legilimen, Seer, Parselmouth, Obscurial, ect): None.

Boggart Form: A dark indistinguishable shape with red eyes and shape teeth, what a ‘haint’ might look like in Wednesday’s eyes.

Riddikulus Form: The creature turns into a dapper 1920s man dancing aggressively around

Amortentia: (What do they smell like?): Spruce forests, Cherries, and clean mountain air.

Amortentia: (What do they smell?): Exploding snap smoke, Fudge, and Pine (Jae Kim)

Patronus: American Beaver

Patronus Memory: Eating wild strawberries in her grandmother’s tree.

Mirror of Erised: A simple house with a one eared crup and a calico cat.

Specialized/Favourite Spells:

Reparo- She often breaks her glasses.

Ferula and Episkey- Spends a lot of time outdoors and gets hurt a lot. 

Depulso- Will throw her enemies away with great force.

APPEARANCE

Faceclaim:  

(I have no idea who this is)

Voiceclaim: Kate Micucci

Game Appearance: 

Height: 5 ft 6

Weight: 140 pounds

Physique: Thin and Wiry.

Eye Colour: Blue

Hair Colour: Brick Red

Skin Tone: Light

Body Modifications: Gets a tattoo of a lobelia flower on her wrist in her fifth year.

Scarring: Miraculously, only gets one from her encounter with a manticore

Inventory: (what do they carry on them?): a picture of her baby sister Rose, her wand, an exploding snap deck, knitting needles, a handmade book of ‘Granny Magic’ spells, a bookbinding kit, and a few galleons

Fashion: Usually wears Skirt/Sweaters, a bracelet her mum got her, and her tortoiseshell glasses. Every once in a while decides to wear something wild, usually on holidays.

ALLEGIANCES

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Affiliations/Organizations: Circle of Khanna, her family, and sometimes Hogwarts.

Professions:

- Magical Bookbinder at Florish and Blotts.

- Becomes a magical anthropologist and writes books/lectures about different magical traditions/systems, especially those in America. Also writes about the existence of Muggle Ghosts, usually known as shades or haints.

HOGWARTS INFORMATION

Class Proficiencies:  Ghoul Studies, Magical Theory, and History of Magic

Astronomy: E

Charms: O

DADA: O

Flying: A

Herbology: O

History of Magic: O

Potions: A

Transfiguration: E

Electives:

Ghoul Studies: O.

Divination: E

Magical Theory: O

Quidditch: Ravenclaw Keeper.

Extra Curricular: Sphinx Club, Frog Choir, and Ghoul Club.

Favourite Professors: 

Professor Flitwick: Trusts him with everything and tells him everything. Sees him (and Hagrid) as father figures.

Professor Sinistra- There’s really no particular reason why, she just likes her.

Professor Sprout- Reminds her of her Gran.

Least Favourite Professors:

Professor Snape- Whatever his damage is, Wednesday wishes he wouldn’t make it HER problem.

Relationships:

Brother: Jericho Jacob Drew AKA Jerry. Teams up with Danny during his initial search for the vaults and goes missing alongside him.

Misc Siblings: Her baby sister Rose age 4. Her cousins are the Ames children and Kit is also technically related. Maternal grandmother is Hannah Edelwood, she lives with the family and dies when Wednesday is 25.

Father: James Yaxley.

Stepfather: Noal Drew. She’s very fond of him and calls him Da. He’s originally from Dingle.

Mother: Ilse Drew (Nee Edelwood and Yaxley, First cousin to Saorise)

Love Interest:

Jae Kim: It’s a weird thing but they just decide they like each other and make it work.

Best Friends:

- Ben Copper

- Talbott Winger

- Tulip Kasarau.

- Tonks.

- Badeea Ali

- Charlie Weasley.

- Bill Weasley.

Rival:

- Merula Snyde

Enemy:

- Rakepick

- R

- Death Eaters.

Dormmates: (Who’s in your MC’s dorm with them?):

Tulip.

Badeea Ali.

Pets: Her calico Kneazle named Patches, Gray cat named Cranklin and a rat named Minnie. Has a toad that Jae gave her, his name is Robin. She and her mother share a Barn Owl named Specter. He is a terrible creature and despises children/teenagers.

Closest Canon Friends: Yes.

Closest MC Friends: None Yet

PERSONALITY:

- Very responsible but can be silly when she wants to be.

- Stubborn.

- Slightly morbid.

- Open Minded and welcoming to new ideas.

- Blunt, sometimes to the point where it hurts.

- Enjoys embarrassing her cousins, especially Hecate.

- A fighter, rarely gives up, but will accept whatever happens to her in spite of this.

MISC

- Witnessed her father’s death after an accidental shooting.

- Practices a mix of English magic and ‘Granny Magic’ from the Appalachian Mountains.

- Close to Sean, especially since they’re in the same house.

- Second Cousin to the Ames’s and a technical third to Kit.

- Has been living in England since she was eight. Has an American accent out of spite.

- Learned to bookbind from her stepfather, who binds books for both muggle and magic book collectors.