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wizkiddx · 4 years

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Need your person part 2

again really angsty but a kind of happy ending ... i hope aha

“What the hells happening?”

The atmosphere got 20 times more tense just by the presence of Harry’s voice and since Y/n was hooked up to all these monitors they all started racing and beeping more angrily. As if evidence that right now, he was not an aiding presence. Nadia took this as her prompt to reply.

“Everythings okay Harry just leave it” The frizzy haired boy ,however, just rolled his eyes and almost pushed passed Nadia working towards the outdoor sofa. The sight of his… his still current girlfriend resting heavily and limply on the furnitiure; looking pale crumpled and exhausted hurt Harry. Sort of choosing to forget everything that had just happened he looked at her in desperation.

“Y/n whats happening? Are you okay?” Y/n gulped shallowly, choosing to keep her eyes fixed on Emma rather than look at Harry.

“I’m fine just…. just leave me alone right now please.”

“No no you’ve got a bloody ambulance for god sake!” He was exasperated, he didn’t mean to take that tone.

“Sir can you just give us a minute to finish treating h-“ The second paramedic, Y/n couldn’t quite remember his name but thought it began with an R. Riley…. or Reece? Maybe Reece? She once new a boy called Reece…he was…he was….

“No I’m her boyfriend she needs me!” He exclaimed over another of the machines which was beeping more and more angrily.

“Sir I’m asking you politely. You are making her worse. If you don’t give us some space I will have to request support of the police.” Emma voice was hard, scary and threatening. Her hard stare matched that completely, stunning the whole group in silence. Harrison shifted a little and pulled his arms round Y/n more, as if trying to protect her from tis situation, while her head fell heavily onto his chest.

Harry stood completely still, mouth slightly open as if he was about to say something, before immediately shutting it. Tom, who had been watching the scene unfold from a safe distance took this as his prompt to intervene.

“She’s in good hands” and for the second time today he led his indignant brother inside.

Meanwhile Emma immediately turned back to Y/n and shook her shoulder quite firmly.

“Y/n are you still with us…Y/n come on” She really hadn’t been kidding or exaggerating when she said Harry was making Y/n worse. Her eyes had slipped close again as she started to fall limp in Harrisons arms once again.

“Come on Y/n… gotta stay awake for us okay?” Harrison joined in squeezing Y/n’s waist and shaking her until she groaned and heavy eyelids blinked up again.

“Is it happening again?” A stressed Nadia asked, as Emma ripped open another glucose strip and forced it into Y/n’s mouth. Y/n was once again too disorientated to understand anything and started mumbling incoherent nonsense.

“Yes… We won’t move her inside till we get her glucose levels up to 7.”

They stayed there for about half an hour, Y/n once again clear and lucid - especially in her desire to sleep, which was vetoed by the paramedics because they needed to be sure she wasn’t unconscious till her blood levels were back to normal. Harrison and Nadia both stayed beside her, both also acutely aware of two brothers watching from Haz’s bedroom window because it had the best view of what was happening - Harry chewing his nails and looking very not happy.

“Did you know about this?” Harrison quietly asked Nadia while Emma was quizzing Y/n more about her condition. Nadia nodded and looked sadly at Haz.

“Some guy brought her home all hysterical… turns out was her uni friend and doctor because she’d just been told about er this… not her ‘the other man’ that Harrys so convinced she’s shagging.”

“Shit. Those are the pictures?” Haz barely mouthed but Nadia got the message loud and clear. It was a complete and total fuck up a situation. She just nodded and mouthed back.

“Yeh… shit”

It was at that point though, the paramedics were happy enough that they could move her up to bed and finally Y/n would be allowed to rest. Thats all she really wanted, to escape the nightmare that she undoubtedly would be facing her sooner rather than later. Nadia made them set her up in her and Tom’s shared room - someone needed to keep an eye on Y/n for the next 12 hours or so and right now Harry and his room wasn’t an option. After final checks and plenty of thanks, as well as Nadia being given a long set of instructions on what to watch out for, the paramedics left the house. Y/n was almost instantly asleep, curled up on Tom’s side of the bed with Nadia and Haz sat at the foot of the bed just incase (and maybe a bit scared to leave her alone).

“Someones gotta tell Harry you know?” Harrison’s gravely whisper cut through the silence, making Nadia’s big doe eyes look up at him.

“It’s not our place to tell. She has to be the one otherwise it isn’t fair.”

“But he’ll be killing himself with worry-“

“This was his fault! I could see clear as day when I got back Y/n wasn’t well! And he just continued to scream at her! He says its bloody her that ruined their relationship when he was the one that didn’t notice she was so ill we had to get an ambulance. Right now he doesn’t deserve shit Haz.” It was like a switch went off, Nadia still whispered, but an angry whisper-shout that delivered her words with a sour kick. They’d been so focused on being worried about Y/n, Nadia didn’t even realise how angry she was at Harry till… well till she said that. Silence fell across the room, both just listening to Y/n’s deep breathing until Harrison spoke up again.

“You were really good you know?”

“I didn’t have a clue what to do.”

“You looked after her though… and she’s okay now.”

“Yeh… I guess” Nadia finally met his eyes with a small smile, only then noticing how red and watery Harrisons eyes were. He wasn’t one to wear his heart on his sleeve- much more of a Tom and Harry thing, a Holland trait - but Harrison was soft underneath it all.

“Is-is she going to die?” He croaked, desperately searching Nadia for an answer.

“I I dont really know…. she said the doctors are hopeful that-that if it shrinks enough with the chemo then they can remove it but otherwise…” the unspoken words, although never really said, hung oh so heavily in the air. Haz knew what she was alluding to and it made him feel sick. He wasn’t about to cry in front of Nadia, who seemed to be dealing with this impressively well, but it didn’t stop it stinging like a bitch.

“Are you okay?” Was all he could ask. Haz had known Nadia much longer than Tom, though they hadn’t ever been close till she started dating his best mate. But just that, the familiarity of time meant the two easily got along and understood each other. It’s why Nadia felt comfortable enough to answer.

“Not sure really…. to her face, course I am it’s her with the problem. But then, I love her and hurts to see your best mate like that and-and when it was a secret I just… I felt like I was gonna explode.”

“I get that, you were in a ridiculously hard position.” Haz smiled and was about to continue when a crisp and clear knock reverberated round the whole room, making both of them shoot up to standing.

The door opened to reveal a very rough looking Harry; his hair was more frizzed up than usual and his eyes were blood shot. He looked almost desperate, as both Haz and Nadia hurried to stand in his way, protecting the sleeping Y/n.

“Can I please just speak to her?”

“She’s asleep” Nadia replied coldly, staring Harry down.

“Well can I see her? Just want to check she’s okay, I’m worried.”

“She is fine no thanks to you. Just leave her alone.”

“Nadia come on you are being ridicu-“

“No I’m fucking not.” Nadia started, before pushing Harry outside and closing the door, leaving Haz on the other side with Y/n - to keep her from being disturbed. “You being so self absorbed thinking she was cheating on you meant you didn’t notice she was going un-fucking-concious! I mean have some fucking respect for a girl that loves you so ridiculous much she never ever wants to hurt you- even if it’s fucking breaking her in silence! So no. Fuck you Harry, I’m looking after her because I actually do care about her.”

For the second time that day Harry was stunned into silence by a woman telling him off.

“Just- just…. please what’s going on?” He croaked, eyes watering once again. Because really now, Harry was just worried. So worried about the girl he loved. No matter what he thought had happened, Harry undoubtedly did love her. The way he spoke made Nadia even loose the majority of her rage at him. He looked beyond desperate.

“I am sorry but I can’t tell you. She’ll talk tomorrow just let her rest. Please.” Harry nodded in resigned defeat, slowly walking down the hallway toward the stairs. Leaving Nadia to stand there squeezing her eyes shut, floods of tears threatening to fall. She didn’t want to be so mean and make an enemy of Harry. The whole situation was just so fucked and it was no ones fault. She was worried and exhausted and heartbroken for her close friend. She was about to open up to Haz and let her emotions shine through to him, but then they were interrupted.

But almost instantly two strong arms wrapped round her delicate shoulders, pulling her into his firm chest, instantly smelling his slightly-vanilla aftershave. All it took was to feel him pressing a soft kiss on the top of her head for the brunette to break, tears flowing and sobbing on Tom’s light blue hoodie.

“You’re alright darling… take as long as you need.”

/////////////////////////

It was a couple of hours later when Y/n grew restless and woke up, immediately confused by the smell of the bed sheets she was tucked under. It didn’t smell as safe and familiar as normal and made her quickly blink awake, pushing herself into a seated position and rubbing her eyes. It was definitely night still, the room plunged into almost darkness lit only by the street lights. It took a while to orientate herself in the unfamiliar room, taking 10 seconds or so to place this as Tom’s room. Which was already very weird. But then the days events flashed before her eyes as some sort of horror movie. And sure enough when Y/n looked to her left, she could now make out the unmistakable silhouette of Nadia, hair splayed across the pillow as she faced the opposite wall.

Y/n could only guess what the day had done to her, but at least it was no longer was a secret. The fact she had sworn Nadia to secrecy had never sat well with Y/n, it was an impossible situation to put her friend in, knowing she couldn’t rely on her normal support system of Tom. But that night Y/n completely had lost control, it had never been her intention for Nadia to find out at all either. She had just been so so broken so when Jay bumped into her in the hospital in floods of tears she just needed some friendly support. And he had seen that, taken her for a coffee and talked to her about it. About the prognosis, the chemo and the effect. The effect that cancer had. He had tried to make her feel better - but truly in that moment what she had needed most of all was truth. So Jay had given it to her… and it was sad. The truth was how much it hurt those around the patient too. How the families had to pick up the slack, be the support network and then ultimately organise the funeral.

Jay was lovely and she trusted him like she had for years and years. It ended up all getting a bit too much, she lost control once again, this time in the cafe. Yet Jay put her in his car, drove her back to the Holland house, knocked on the door to be sure someone could look after her. While all the boys were away filming in various areas of the world who was home? Lovely, beautiful, pure Nadia. So yes Nadia had found out, but it was really purposeful at all.

Carefully and quietly Y/n wormed her way out from the bed and tiptoed to the door, pulling the handle down with a gentle click. The hallway was well lit, someone clearly forgetting to turn the light off and making Y/n’s face scrunch up from the light. Still she slid out and closed the door to Tom and Nadia’s room behind her.

Because the truth was simple… there was only one person she wanted to be with tonight. The conversation would be hard - bloody near impossible- but Y/n needed her safety. She needed home. She needed Harry.

With a timid knock on the door she waited outside chewing on her lip. Probably (and in fact accurately) she looked like shit. But she didn’t care because all she wanted was to bury herself in his arms. No one replied to her knock though, so too blinded by need, she just cracked the door open and peered inside. It was actually unsurprising the sight that greeted her, Tom had been kicked out of his own bed for Y/n, so he’d ended up bunking with his brother for the night. His brother, who was far from asleep, having been sitting up mindlessly scrolling through his phone until the door was cracked open. His bedside lamp was on, making the surprise on his face clear as day.

“Umm… hi” She murmured shyly, suddenly not able to meet his eyes

“Hi” He breathed back, throwing the covers off his leg and immediately pacing toward the door.

“Can we talk, please?”

“Are you sure you’re okay? SHouldn’t you be asleep and-“

“I need you H.” The brokenness of her voice, made Harry’s heart gilt in his chest.

“Oh-okay, I just… sorry Tom’s ended up in here, we-we could go down-“ Harry started nervously, while Y/n bit her nail and shook her head.

“No Nads… he should be with Nads tonight.” Harry just nodded, while Y/n stepped in and stood against the wall. Harry woke Tom who looked up at him with a confused and slightly annoyed face, until Harry gestured toward Y/n. Immediately then it was all fine, Tom muttering something about leaving them in peace before he shuffled out the room.

When Tom left a chill fell over the room, an uncomfortable silence filling the air, Y/n still standing in the corner.

“You, er, you wanna sit?” Harry pointed to the far corner of the bed, as far from him as possible, and Y/n followed his request.

“I owe you an explanation.” She just sort of blurted out as Harry nodded along, not going to completely back down.

“You do”

“Okay well, first I’m sorry.”

“I need to hear it all first before I can accept it… but just for the record I’m sorry too - about today I mean.” She just nodded, still chewing on her bottom lip.

“So Jay… Jay’s a uni mate. I lived with him first year, he did medicine and I did chem so we had a lot in common. I hadn’t seen him for at least a year till I bumped into him last month.” At that Harry sucked in a harsh breathe, already feeling rage building.

“While I was away with Tom?” His voice was scathing, Y/n had to do her best not to cower at the tone.

“Yeh, yeh it was just me and Nads in the house… I bumped into him at his work when I- when I was really upset. I’d had some bad news and he was a friendly face. He took me out for coffee, they are the photos you’ve seen, then he brought me back here.” Gulping, Harry looked away, feeling a knife being twisted into his chest. “ I wasn’t really in any state so he explained everything to Nads for me.”

“So did you fuck him or not?”

“Can you please just hear me out? ….You know before you left, I’d been having those weird stomach cramps? Harry please listen.” She almost begged, making him stare dead eyed at her, really not believing should could act like this. Yet he obliged, nodding slightly without letting his piercing gaze fall.

“I’d been to the doctors while you were away. I didn’t want to worry you because I know you were stressed about the screenplay. Jay was saying that with this sort of thing it’s not just me it hurts, its the people I care about most too. Thats why I didn’t tell you and because really I was living in denial too. It’s why I said what if you found out.”

“Y/n can you stop talking in fucking riddles please. Did you fuck him or not? Do you like him or not?” This time he was being upfront, there was nowhere to hide with those questions - however she still managed to answer them in a roundabout way.

“Jay is a doctor, hospital doctor. And the day I met him? I-I was coming from an appointment with my oncologist…thats the truth I swear to you.”

“Uhm an-an oncologist?” A switch changed In harry’s head with that word. He started to actually listen to what she was saying, not predicting the eventual ‘I dont love you anymore’.

“Yeh I- umm wow, this is hard… I have, fuck, I have cancer. In my pancreas. I havepancreaticcancer and I’ve been having chemo and-and yeh.”

And Harry just stared. For what felt like eternity. He didn’t move, didn’t speak, it didn’t even look like he was breathing.

“Please just say something H… I-I can’t-“ Her voice broke, burying her head in her hands as the tears started to fall. That was the funny thing, ever since the day she’d found out (the day of Jay and Nadia), Y/n hadn’t cried about it. It was just the hand she’d been dealt, a crappy hand admittedly, but she got on with it. Plastered a smile on her face day in and day out, got on with it, with the chemo, the insulin injections as well as her work. Spent valuable time and energy even if she felt absolutely crap from the chemo, hiding it from the rest of the house. She lied after Harry and Tom came back, lied about where she went three times a week. Lied about how she felt. Lied about these long term plans with Harry that she might not be able to see out. Yes, the doctors were clear that they were hopeful it would be treatable but there was always a but. A ‘ but just be aware’ and a ‘we do have to warn you’. Yet still she never cried once. She knew everyone she told had cried. Never to her face, Nads would never do that - but after a girly night when they’d just spent the whole time laughing. The two had both retired to their individual beds (well boyfriends beds) and at 3 in the morning, it was then Y/n heard Nadia cry. But still Y/n didn’t.

Now though, sat in front of the boy she loved more than anything -no matter what- she was crying.

“Hey… we are going to get through this. Y/n your gonna be fine…It’s…it’s…I dont know but you’ve always got me….I love you. Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou.” Harry pulled her across the bed and into his arms, hugging her tightly.

Because what could you say? He felt as if everything he was saying was wrong. He wanted to make everything better but that just wasn’t an option. It took a little while but Y/n calmed down to the point her breath was just a bit ragged, Harry stayed with her pulled against his chest, but used his right hand to lift her chin.

“I need you to tell me everything please. And-and then we can face this together yeh? If you still want to that is?” In his brain all Harry was chanting was ‘pleasestillwantthispleasestillwantus’. He knew this whole afternoon had been a massive fuck up on his part.

“I can’t do it without you H” She whispered, glasses eyes looking up at him and making his heart swell and break simultaneously. “I love you”

“I love you so ridiculously much” he grinned not realising he had tears falling down his cheeks till Y/n reached up to wipe them away - both of them releasing a breathy laugh. “Come on then stop laughing at me crying and talk to me.” He laughed, repositioning her so she was sat in his lap but side on, so still leaning a bit on his chest.

And she started at the beginning and went right through till the events of that afternoon, taking a couple of hours to fully answer all Harry’s questions as they came. He learnt about this Jay guy, actually coming to really appreciate the support he had been for Y/n throughout all this. Obviously Harry was hurt he hadn’t been in the loop from the beginning, however he could understand in her own delusional way that that was how she coped for that first month and a half. By not having to face anyone else with it. They went downstairs, Y/n showing him all the ingenious hiding spots she’d hid her emergency medicine. Then she showed and let him do the finger prick test, explaining what the numbers meant and what to do if they were arwy either way. It got to about 4 in the morning, when they both decided to call it an evening.

With the heavy weight of the hidden truth off her shoulders, coupled with a traumatic previous afternoon meant Y/n was out within seconds of resting her head on Harry’s chest. He however, was far from relaxed. Never having held her so tightly or so close to his chest, his arms tensed slightly just to keep her pressed against him. This was beyond hard, his brain taking its time to process the overwhelming amount of data. About her condition, her treatment, just the way her brain worked and…. and what an absolute dick he had been earlier that day. She had wanted to protect him from the pain of her illness, because she loved him that much - yet Harry had the audacity to accuse her of cheating. He had been such a dick and owed her a shit tonne of apologies.

He also owed Nadia an apology too. She had been harsh and completely right yesterday. She had been the one looking after his girlfriend. And so, for the remainder of the night until he finally fell into a restless sleep, Harry was left with his thoughts, all the while his hand resting underneath her top - on the bare skin on Y/n’s left stomach.

#harry holland #harry holland x reader #harry holland x y/n

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jungxk · 5 years

Text

just one (vi)

notes: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

warnings: smut (f recieving), protected sex

genre: drama, romance, humour, college!au

wordcount: 5.3k

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

you watch sadly as you tip your case of empty paint tubes into the bin. they were your absolute favourite, a birthday gift from jimin almost two years ago. you had been so careful and stingy with them all this time to preserve as much as possible - at least to get you to the end of the semester - so it was disheartening to have to finally throw them out. oils were always your favourite. still, there wasn't much time for moping; if you were to get your next piece finished by the deadline you better start now because of the drying period between layers of watercolour.

"maybe jungkook has a hairdryer..." you mumble to yourself before padding over to his room. he's sitting at his tiny little work desk with his back to you when you peek over his shoulder. "kook, do you have a hairdryer?"

he points without removing his eyes from the screen. "the bottom drawer over there."

"thanks," you do a double take as you pass him with the appliance in tow, his eyes a little bloodshot and face twisted into what looks like terror. usually you couldn't so much as clean a paintbrush without jungkook all over you while you were at his place, but he barely spoke the whole afternoon. you take a tentative step towards him, because if he was anything like jimin when he's stressed he might get rabid. "you alright?"

"i dunno, am i?" he collapses back into the chair, threading his fingers through his hair which was getting wonderfully long. but the only thing you can pay attention to now are his panicked eyes and jittery knees. "i don't know what the fuck any of these numbers mean! why do i even need this for photography-"

"what is it?" you smooth your hand over his back, muscles stiff.

he deflates under your touch. "i agreed to peers taking questionnaires about my portfolio so far and i fucking regret it, noona. this stats software looks nothing like minecraft. i dont know what this all means. my prof said it'd help with cohesiveness - whatever that means - but he's off on one if he thinks this has done anything other than confuse me and ruin my life."

you try your best to hold back a smile, but jungkook is so cute when he's pouty and frustrated. "okay, well what are your variables?"

"my what? baby, i'm not in the mood right now-"

"no you dipshit, like," you gesture with your hands. "what are the things you're measuring? in the questionnaire?"

jungkook stares at you blankly. "i'm...what?"

you roll your eyes, grabbing the back of his chair to swivel him and plop onto his lap. "let me see."

jungkook has no idea what's going on, both because he doesn't know what you're talking about and also because you're covering the screen so he's spared of having to follow your clicking and tinkering. all he knows is that you fit nicely on his lap and that your bare thighs are warm on his, and it's much easier to focus on that anyway. especially since you aren't wearing underwear. after a few minutes he hooks his chin over your shoulder to at least try to keep up. "what are you doing, noona?"

"just cleaning up your dataset," you mumble. you finally perk up after a few more minutes. "oh, okay! so all you want to know is if the people who like the first half of your portfolio like the second half just as much, and whether that opinion affects the other? like a correlation, right?"

he sits up excitedly. "yeah! yeah, that's it," he stares at your profile in disbelief while you waste no time in running the analyses. "how do you know about this stuff, noona?"

"i did stats in my science major. the software i had back then, now that was a real pain in the ass. but this one isn't so bad," you reply absently while jungkook keeps staring at you like you're an angel that descended from the heavens especially for him. he has yet to believe otherwise. "hmm, you know i think you can skip all the sample level descriptives and cronbach's alpha scores and go straight to pearson's r if all you're looking for is a correlation. what would you prefer?"

he breathes in your hair; coconut, jasmine. his cologne. "you’re so sexy when i don’t understand what you’re saying."

jimin's face twists when he tests the contents of the pan. "can you tell me why this tastes like tae's dirty socks?"

“can you tell me why you know what tae’s dirty socks taste like?” you lean over the counter, swiping a finger over the ladle before bringing it to your mouth. you always used to cook for your family when you were younger, and although you had gone off it after what happened, you didn't mind when it was with jimin. with him, you didn't think about the memories of cutting onions with your father or grinding chillies with your mother and sister. it all felt new again, something that was never tarnished. which is why jimin is the only one you can stand to cook with even if he's unable to make anything but mojitos and a single pasta dish. "not enough garlic."

he squints at his phone while you manoeuvre him out of your way. "but it says two cloves in the recipe?"

"it's never two cloves," you take the knife and start to crush and peel more. "always start with four, maybe five."

"can't we just order takeout?" jimin pouts pathetically. he just washed his hair so its still damp, cheeks a rosy from the bathroom steam. you only wish his long line of hookups could see their ladies man now, bundled up in a powerpuff girls sweater that he stole from you months ago.

"no," you pluck his phone from his hand before he can dial, replacing it with more cloves for him to peel. "you've been having takeout all week! all that oil can't be good for you, what's the point of sweating your tits off in that gym if you're just gonna eat shit?"

"i don't always eat shit!"

"jimin. we share a just eat email account. i know the chinese place isn't sending me customer loyalty codes," he rounds the stool where you're sat in the small place between your back and the wall, his palm skirting behind your waist to move you gently aside. "just let me see you eat a vegetable today, i'm begging. so if you keel over tomorrow from IBS i'll feel less guilty."

"alright alright," he huffs, rubbing at his puffy eyes with his sleeve before picking up the knife again. "i don't see what the big deal is, if i was breaking out then that'd be another issue but my body can clearly handle it. maybe it's like that episode of drake and josh where his body becomes accustomed to all the junk food he eats and-"

"please don't use drake and josh as a marker for your health."

"fine," and then without missing a beat, "but what about kenan and kel? all that orange soda and kel was totally fine. healthy even."

"physically, maybe. but did you see the screw in the tuna episode? don't tell me he didn't have inner demons that may or may not have been increased by an overly processed diet," you pause. "wait, am i the kenan in this friendship?"

"depends. i want to say you're the brains but i've also seen you try to open a can with a fork, so."

"hey! that wasn't my fault!" you exclaim, but jimin ignores you purposely. "taehyung told me you fucked yeri in the kitchen, how was i supposed to know what was and wasn't contaminated?"

"___, the fork was plastic."

"well what else would you have me do, starve?"

"what is this, the fucking famine? you said it yourself, we share a just eat email so the smart thing to do would be order. besides i dunno what makes you think i'd fuck a girl with a can opener in my vicinity anyway-"

"um, you're you," you chastise. "so i rest my case."

"then i'm definitely kenan," jimin laughs when you swat at him before your phone vibrates, one after another until it almost falls off the kitchen counter if you didn't grab it in time. you don't dare to unlock your phone when you see the contact name on the screen, too hyper-aware of jimin eyeing you over the chopping board. even he sees the gist of the messages jungkook sent you.

[jungkook 7:13pm] u left ur shirt here again noona

[jungkook 7:13pm] at this rate ur never gonna get it back are u :)

[jungkook 7:14pm] i'm free all day tomorrow

[jungkook 7:16pm] wanna come over?

[jungkook 7:16pm] i still haven't washed it btw so

[jungkook 7:17pm] we can do laundry together :))

[jungkook 7:18pm] or maybe later tonight ? i can pick u up ?

you don't even get a good read of the messages - all those smiley faces gave you enough of an idea. it wasn't a surprise or anything, but you still switch your phone to do not disturb and leave it face down on the counter like you have something to hide. which you don't. so why did it feel so wrong? so disrespectful, here in jimin's kitchen? you gnaw at your cheek.

jimin has his back to you so thankfully you're spared of having to gage his expression. he's probably sent a million thirsty texts so he knows what they look like, knows that he shouldn't be surprised. still, he shifts from foot to foot uneasily. the only thing that makes him stop is you leaning wordlessly over him to lower the stove to a simmer, turning the tap on to wash some rice and hum quietly. here was jeon jungkook, arguably the biggest stud on campus blowing up your phone on a friday night but nothing felt different. you'd always choose him and jimin knew that.

"what do you think of egg fried rice?" you ask over your shoulder. "i haven't made it in ages. the one with the veggies?"

jimin smiles. "i love that one,"

"he's not back yet?" you ask when yoongi lets you into the flat, shoulders deflating childishly. he gives you a lazy shake of his head before nudging you to the sofa to take up your usual spot on the matted cushion in the corner, kicking your shoes away and sitting cross legged. yoongi and namjoon's flat was only round the corner from jungkook's, a worn down little two-bed that smelled rather questionable at times, but it quickly became a familiar place. a safe place. especially because of how often you'd come over while jungkook was running late at class or the gym or photo-hunting. coming to terms with the fact that you were sleeping with jungkook wasn't that hard, but being friends with his friends was.

"it's leg day. you know how jungkookie feels about his chicken calves," yoongi says before flopping down next to you. namjoon was tucked into the other side with a book, effectively squishing you into yoongi with his big shoulders. if jungkook was here he'd pout about having nowhere to sit and the thought only makes you more pleased. "he'd be there until sundown if you weren't waiting for him."

"are you sure you're one to talk about chicken legs?" you reach to tickle yoongi's knees and he barely manages to flinch away in time.

"i love my chicken legs the way they are, thanks. can't say the same for your boyfriend though."

you freeze. "i told you to stop saying that, yoongi. you know he hates the b word. one more slip up and you won't ever see me here again. last time he avoided me for two weeks!"

"never see you again? doubt it. your hair clogged the shower drain yesterday so you pretty much owe rent at this point," yoongi keeps flicking through the channels on the television. "besides, i know what a man with a monkey on his back looks like. kookie just doesn't like being reminded of it because unfortunately for him there's no rehab to quit you."

a rush of blood goes straight to your cheeks. yoongi loves to tease you and you know that, second only to jungkook who actually does get off to it, but you still tap nervously on the carpet with your toes while desperately hoping for namjoon to step into the conversation with a weird conspiracy theory or black hole fact he read on an astronomy blog. anything to dig you out of this metaphorical hole you and jungkook are hellbent on ignoring. yoongi sees the way you curl in on yourself slightly, a sensible and collected flower like you reduced to a fidgety school girl. it's cute.

"hyung," namjoon says with his eyes still glued to his book. "stop winding her up or her face'll explode and then jiminie will come for your throat."

yoongi scoffs. "and? what's that short-ass gonna do, cry on me to death?"

"you're like two inches taller than him."

"two and a half, actually."

"so he really was a crybaby?" you scoot to fold your legs under you. "jungkook told me before but i didn't believe him! i've tried everything but i can never get a reaction out of jimin...i mean, if horny isn't an emotion."

"oh yeah, totally," namjoon puts an arm on the back on the back of the sofa behind you when he looks up. his silver hair brings out the beautifully rich undertone of his skin and it's difficult not to stare, being so close. "if the patriarchy hadn't fucked him up he'd be a real tree hugger, i'm sure of it. but the last time i saw him cry was...hmm..."

"five years ago," yoongi chimes. "when jungkookie got caught."

"ooooh yeah," namjoon nods. "but jimin and jungkook were super close back then. he was so protective of him, waited in the custody office for hours until they finally-"

"wait," you look between them. "caught? what do you mean?"

the boys exchange a glance between them. it's not like you didn't know that yoongi sells weed and often with namjoon's help. in fact, they often told you about their wild stories and close calls. but they had never mentioned jungkook being involved with any of that stuff, and neither had he. you always just assumed that he'd kept his head out of it, being a college student and all but yoongi's shrugging and namjoon's pursed lips tell you otherwise.

"jungkook got charged with possession as a minor," yoongi says. "i mean, seventeen but still. too baby-faced."

"jungkook sold for you?" you repeat, not quite believing your ears. he had always been the better off out of his friends that often did shadier things, but the more you got to know him the more you felt like the jungkook you heard about and the jungkook you knew were two different boys. it really shouldn't have come as a surprise, since he had practically grown up with yoongi, namjoon and jimin. his hyungs were his family and he'd do anything for them, there was really no reason he wouldn't take up their trade.

"oh yeah, almost a year. he was good at it too," namjoon laughs. "our kookie's good at everything if you give him enough chances."

"so what happened?" you press. "does he...does he still sell?"

"are you kidding? we got him out of all that shit the second he stepped out the office," yoongi rubs the back of his neck. "jungkook isn't like us. he's a good kid with a lot of talent and he didn't need to be doing all that you know? we convinced him to go to school instead but even then, jimin made us swear to look out for him because he left earlier than kookie."

"wow, jimin really hasn't changed," you lean back. "in like, taking care of people i mean. so is that when jungkook got into photography? he did talk about getting his first camera when he was like eighteen or something..."

namjoon nods happily in recollection. "yup! we were so proud when jungkook got accepted into university, especially after jimin and hobi. people from our town don't usually pursue higher education-"

"especially with kookie's record," yoongi laughs.

"why?" you blink at him.

"the weed was one thing, but jungkook also got a strike for violence."

namjoon winces. "hyung, he's gonna throw a tantrum if you tell her..."

"i don't care. she's fucking him, she has a right to know," yoongi retorts evenly, dark eyes swivelling to meet yours. his light hair is matted from under his beanie, barely missing his lashes. "a few years ago jungkook beat a guy so bad he had to go into emergency. it was pretty gross. broken nose, missing teeth, you name it. he's been on thin ice since but he doesn't act like it."

you take a second to digest the information. "do you...do you know why?" you waver, unable to keep the horror from your voice. "knocking a guy's teeth out? people don't just do that!"

"kookie did," namjoon sighs.

"but why? it's so...i just can't imagine jungkook doing something like that..."

"something like what?"

your head snaps to the doorway where jungkook can be seen only partially when he bends over to unlace his shoes, namjoon and yoongi simultaneously pinching your legs to wipe the wide-eyed look off your face. it was one of the many times when wearing your heart on your sleeve did not do you any favours. you just about manage to look normal enough within the half a second it takes for jungkook to come in, hair mussed from his post-gym shower and tee wrinkled from being stuffed into the bottom of his bag. his eyes look extra big today, nose and knuckles blushed pink from all the lifting. he couldn't look farther from the violent offender yoongi and namjoon described. in fact, the sudden urge to kiss him hello was near suffocating.

"i was telling her about the time you wore hyung's underwear for two weeks," namjoon explains, years of lying paying off with how smoothly he returns to his book.

"what!" yoongi splutters. "are you kidding?! a whole week, jungkook that's disgusting-"

the younger boy winces. "not the same pair!"

"wait. you took more than one?!"

"um..."

"how many. tell me right now you little shit."

"i promise they were clean!" jungkook says defensively, but his buck teeth show in a defensive little grin. it's impossible to be mad at him. "my washing machine broke, remember? and i never have change so i didn't go to the laundrette's and-"

"which ones?" yoongi's voice becomes obnoxiously loud with dismay. "tell me right now so can go upstairs and burn them. jesus jungkook you could have at least asked me, now i have to live with the knowledge that your bollocks is acquainted with mine until i die-"

"hyung they were clean," jungkook insists. "and if i asked i knew you wouldn't have let me borrow them!"

"yeah because it's gross! why didn't you just take joonie's?"

"i did. but he caught me and told me to take yours instead."

you just about manage to insert yourself between yoongi before he can grab a fistful of namjoon's hair while jungkook throws back his head in a loud cackle.

[jimin 7:58pm] you dont mind do u?

it's hard not to roll your eyes at his message, momentarily leaving your phone on the bed while you unclasp your bra. it wasn't the first time jimin had bailed on you last minute because of some girl he'd picked up for longer than expected. you're just thankful that this time he had the courtesy to tell you before you got to his house and burst into his bedroom without knocking only to see areas of your best friend you really did not need to see. even though you shudder at the memories - yes, plural - the sinking feeling of disappointment can't be masked. it's movie night.

[you 8:01pm] yh its fine

[you 8:02pm] but u owe me one i put on a bra for you asshole

[jimin 8:04pm] ofc babe

[jimin 8:04] just skip it next time :)

you snort before locking your phone and throwing it on the bed, padding over the room in your knickers to select some sleeping shorts off the floor. jisoo went home for a family birthday and seulgi had a deadline for monday, so it was safe to say you were alone for the weekend. you were used to being alone but you didn't like it; it was the reason why you'd always trudge to jimin's if the girls weren't home or even yoongi and namjoon's, even if it was just to take a nap on their sofa. you needed the noise, the background bickering. that's why there's only so much paint brush washing and kitchen cleaning you can do before reaching for your phone and messaging jungkook.

or at least that's what you tell yourself when he's in your bed within the hour, head resting on your stomach and his leg thrown over your ankles. you trace along the tattoo on his bicep closest to you, admiring the cohesiveness and line placement while jungkook dozes off, like he often does after sex. he's had a long week so you let him sleep, hair sticking up and mouth open like a toddler, so impossibly cute you can't help combing through his nape. jungkook doesn't often spend the night at yours so this was a rarity, and you had to admit he did look a little out of place in your tiny little room. he was far too big for your bed, one foot already hanging off, clothes and jacket hurled into the corner with only cheap fairy lights to rely on so you don't go tripping over his shoes at the door.

you could draw him like this. jungkook's eyelashes are short and pin-straight, eyebrows angled and distinctive. quick, sharp pencil strokes. he's got the faintest shadow above his top lip from where didn't have time to shave today. you'd use charcoal for his hair, black with a slight wave. a swooping curve for his nose, a more gentle line for his jaw. he looks harmless like this: not at all resembling the boy yoongi described.

"why are you so quiet, noona?" he grumbles into the duvet, eyes still closed. "you should be snoring my ears off by now."

you pout. "i'm too busy wondering how i'm gonna get your river of drool out of my pillow."

he snorts. "throw your sheets in on a fast cycle and voila."

"what fast cycle? i just press every button on the machine until it starts."

he opens his eyes. "you're an animal."

you laugh, tugging on the roots of his hair where your hand is still nestled inside. "how do you know so much about washing machines anyway?"

"my mum worked a lot growing up," jungkook yawns. "hyung did the cooking and i did the laundry."

you freeze. "you have a brother?"

"i swear i told you that," he scoots across your stomach, taking the pillow with him to position it over your hip so he can look at you properly. his eyes look glassy in the lights, lids hooded and hair pushed back. a real dreamboat wrapped in a hello kitty duvet. "two years older, same as jimin."

"no wonder jimin cares about you so much," you keep playing with his hair, watching his eyes droop closed. "he may as well be your brother." jungkook hums in reply, growing more and more drowsy from all the petting. "so...how come your mum worked so much?"

his eyes open to look at you, hesitating. "dad left when we were young. she didn't really have a choice."

"i didn't know that jungkook..." you pause. "that must have been hard."

he rolls to face the ceiling, like he's thinking twice before he answers. "not really. eomma's a badass, there's nothing she can't handle. yeah money and stuff wasn't easy, and it sucked when i was younger and didn't understand why hyung and eomma were so upset after what happened, but it's whatever. the three of us are so good together, you know? i like it like this."

you nod. because you do know. or, did. you wonder now if that's the reason jungkook got involved with yoongi and namjoon in the first place, to help out his family, but even you know some questions are better left unasked. instead, you chip away at jungkook while you can, since you know barely anything about him beyond student life and his friends. who knows when he would be in the mood to open up again. "so what does your brother do?"

"an accountant. for some fancy law firm in the city," he smiles. "hyung is super smart. like you."

you laugh. "you know i didn't finish my first major, right?"

"by choice. not because you weren't capable," he finishes, and to that you have no choice but to shut up. no one had ever put it that way before. "he's super quiet like you too, keeps to himself. gives really good advice. oh my god, and his kimchi pork stew - amazing!" his teeth gleam take up his whole mouth when he smiles, lines creasing around his eyes. "so many times when me and mum would argue, hyung was the reason why we'd stop. guess i got her temper."

you watch him closely. "you argued often?"

"at one point, yeah. not because we didn't like each other or anything, just..." you can see him hesitating again, cheek sucked in from where he chews it while staring up at the ceiling as if the memories are playing back at him on a projector. you keep quiet, let him get there on his own. "mum went through a phase where she dated a lot. felt bad that neither of us had a father figure and all that bullshit. she brought home some real dickheads, some top tier cunts i'm telling you. and i...wasn't exactly nice to them. ever since then i just hate seeing girls be pushed around by assholes, you know? it does something to me, i dunno. here," he lays a hand over his stomach. "i can't just watch. i can't. it's like i'm gonna be sick."

it's hard not to cry listening to him, seeing the lines in his forehead appear along with the crinkle above his nose. it made sense now, what yoongi told you about before. thinking back to the whole escapade with jinyoung in your kitchen, the whole thing hit you differently.

jungkook was exactly the kind of boy your old family would have frowned upon, reckless and thoughtless and emotionally-driven in the face of adversity. absolutely everything you were taught not to be. but you admired him for those very reasons. before you can start crying you sit up, silencing jungkook with a kiss before he can ask you what's wrong. it's firm and deliberate, your hands holding both his cheeks. he's breathless. "you seriously fucking worry me, slick."

"oh?" his eyes stay focused on your lips while he moves to you, positions you underneath him on the foot of the bed, pulling your thighs around his hips so you gasp at the feel of his semi on your soft inner thigh. he dips his head to kiss along your sternum, hand ghosting over your breasts before closing his mouth around your nipple.

"i nev-never know what you're gonna do next," you exhale shakily, arching into him involuntarily at the sensation. jungkook takes the opportunity to rub the pads of his fingers against your cunt, using the remnants of your arousal to help you along. sure enough you accept his fingers greedily, but he takes his time in stretching you out and easing in further, further.

his thumb gently passes over your clit and you shake. "never? not even now?"

you have to forcibly yank his face away from your tits to kiss him, slowly and with passion. his skin grows damp under your hands, muscles rippling under your touch from where he holds himself up on his forearms. he likes feeling the softness of your tummy against his, your thick thighs cushioning him snugly against you. just like always, it's torture having to pull away from you for a brief second to grab a condom, but the familiar chuckle you breathe out to see him speed back into your arms almost makes it worth it. you take the packet from him, about to tear it open before he grabs your hand with a cheeky smile. "in a minute."

before you can question him about it you yelp he tugs you by the hips, sliding up to angle your ass so your knees have no choice but to hook over his shoulders. jungkook's arms wind around the top of your thighs, thick and secure, nails scraping gently through your coarse curls before he pulls your legs apart as wide as they'll go and lowers his mouth onto you. the noise you make is just as embarrassing as always, so loud and uncontrollable, hysterical even. you've gotten used to being jungkook's fourth, fifth and sixth meal of the day but he steals your breath away every time, leaves you squirming and trembling and this instance was no exception. today he was feeling indulgent so he eats you out messily, makes sure he's loud enough for you hear every squelch and slurp. you physically shake when he sucks a gently kiss to your clit, proud of yourself for not screaming. jungkook, however, isn't happy about that and keeps sucking until you do. harder, harder, and then filling you up with his fingers so you have something to clench around when you cum all over him in a rush.

your back is still off the bed when he reaches your eye level again, the family sound of the foil wrapper ripping from the condom packet making you lift your head up to look at him. he's already rolling it down his length when he peer downwards, and even though you only get a glimpse of his blushing head he's sticky and hot with pre-cum. you wiggle in anticipation and jungkook laughs at your cuteness before leaning back down, taking your hands in his for a change. he can see the appeal, interlocking your fingers with his palms against yours and using only his hips as leverage to push into your sopping center, letting you move against him so he's lodged in as deep as he can fit before he starts rocking into you.

your moans are his favourite song, maybe that's why he wants to listen to them all day. he'd like to make you cum again but it's difficult for him once his hips start stuttering uncontrollably, no matter how much he tries to slow his pace. you let go of his hands then to take his face, his eyes closed when he feels you press your smooth lips to his cheekbone; an encouraging kiss. a go on, i want you to kiss. the moan he let's out before giving in is fragile and wispy, nose digging into your neck while he ruts against you to his end. you clench around him harder just to hear jungkook whimper again, pliant and weak in your arms. all of a sudden, out of nowhere you wish you could feel the rush of his cream spilling from you when he pulls out to discard the condom. he nestles back into your breasts afterwards, smelling himself on your skin.

jungkook falls asleep smiling.

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