#also thanks for the sweet comment i am still recovering but i am feeling better i think i wilk can soon draw complex art again yay

[nothingbizzare]

Here are some really fast silly doodles I did

Thanks for the request @lightfulonion

[cartierdreamx]

𝕯𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖉 𝕿𝖔 𝕱𝖆𝖑𝖑 *2*

Hi my sweet ones <333, hope you’re well! Sorry for the little wait but I hope the wait is worth it sooo here’s chapter 2, not much to say but I may have teared up a bit writing this and now as I type this my heart still hasn’t recovered, so I apologise in advance hehe. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and if you do, please consider reblogging, following and commenting! Thank you all for your constant love and support! J <33 

If you would like to be apart of a taglist so you know when the next chapter comes out, comment down below or let me know thru asks!! Also please make sure your tags are on, so I’m able to tag you 🫶🏽

Pairings: jenna ortega x fem! Reader 

Warnings: angst cityyy, dark themes, swearing, mentions of weapons and violence and murder. 

This fic is STRICTLY 18+, as it involves adult themes, minors DNI, you are responsible for your own social media intake, which includes reading entertainment which this fic falls under, so one last warning- this fic is 18+. Thank you!  

*though my fics have real people, my fics are just for entertainment and far from reality*

FYI: JENNA IS G!P IN THIS FIC!!

~~

The sting in your eyes was accompanied by an adorning number of buzzes from your phone, annoyed and slightly hangover, mainly from the lack of hydration, because you were no lightweight, you could promise any drinking buddy that, you shove your phone under your pillow, praying that would drown out the buzzing. But, of course, to no avail, whoever or whatever global state of emergency was blowing up your phone, the vibrations so strong, it was tectonic, the buzzes greeted your ears through the bamboo pillow wrapped in silk. Having had enough, you groan and answer a call from Sol.

“Sol, I swear to GOD, someone better be dying.” Your annoyance so clear, it auscultates her ears.

“Y/N! YOU ARE MY STAR GIRL, DYING? THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE EXACTLY.”

Though she can’t see you, confusion paints your face as you slowly sit up and wipe your face, allowing yourself to wipe away the fatigue, after stepping out of Ortega Towers, your little after party consisting of publishing an article, skincare and pyjamas was a blur, in fact, you were so out of it, you considered maybe you hallucinated ever hitting publish. However, the entire masquerade stuck with you, the stench of man who tried to feel up on you left the second you stepped outside for air, but what didn’t was the crown queen of San Francisco, her vanilla essence imprinted on you, so after a night of tossing in turning, no movement could remove her from you. You don’t like it though, and it was ironic, you rejected and blew her off the second you got the chance, but you couldn’t remove her from you. There were fires starting to spark all over your body and the more you deny them, the stronger they burn, funny enough, one grew in your groins. And as repetitive as you sound, you hate it. You hate her. You, hate Jenna?

“What’re you talking about?”

“Oh, don’t act so coy and humble!”

“Sol, I’m like, genuinely serious.” You let out a soft chuckle.

“YOUR ARTICLE, BABES!!, IT BLEW UP, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, TELL ME EVERYTHING, WAIT NO, GET CHANGED, LET’S GET LUNCH BEFORE WE HEAD INTO WORK. LOVE YOU.”

Without even giving you a chance to breathe, blink or your heart to beat, you hear her hang up, guess you have lunch plans in about 2 hours. Now, about your article, you have no clue what you wrote, only that you couldn’t stop writing the second you sat down, nervousness rivers through your blood, breathing adjacent to your heart rate just thinking about what you wrote, what people think, hell, what Jenna thinks. Oh my God, is she going to kill me? You shake your head trying to rid of that negative thought, Jenna wasn’t like that, she’s above killing innocents, but are you innocent? Mouthing out the last line of your article; … whether it be by her heart, her touch, or her gun, anyone that knows the elusive Ms. Ortega is destined to fall. Your face meets your palm and you’re sure if Jenna or anyone in the family read this, you are sure to meet your maker.

~~

“Wowwww, Jenna, she only knew you for a few hours, but she has every part of you right down to a T.”

Viv giggles as she scrolls through the article, enjoying every little bit of Jenna’s distraught, it was a rare occasion to see the mafia queen like this, and barely anyone could have her like this; a newfound superpower of yours.

“Shut it, Viv, it’s an okay article, and that’s me being generous.”

“I can’t imagine what she’d find out about you if she had stayed for longer.”

“I have no secrets.”

“You’re an idiot if you believe that.”

“Okay, fine, it’s a good article, y/n’s a feisty one.” Jenna finally caves in and shrugs.

“And plus, why do you care about some article?”

“I don’t.”

“Ah, but you do care about her.”

“Shut up, Viv, go make me a coffee.”

Laughter induced tears almost well up Viv’s eyes as she hears Jenna’s commands “oh, buddy she wrote you so good, down to your ego and arrogance, I’m not an assistant, babe, fix your attitude.”

Jenna rolls her eyes at Viv as she blows her a kiss and walks off to complete her long list of errands to complete and maybe some target training later in the day for her own indulgence. Bruce, whose body collected every will to keep silent as he knows he would be putting up with Jenna’s groggy and bitchy attitude all day if she did get riled up enough, but his mental strengths wasn’t as strong as his physicals.

“Bruce, I can see you smirking, knock it off.”

“Sorry, boss.” The 6’8ft, brunette man exclaims, though still smirking.

“You know, you make look and share the same name as Batman, but boy, you sure do lack the mental obedience, quit smirking!” Jenna pouts as she smacks his shoulder, “go scare our shareholders will you, I’ll meet you just before the meeting starts." Bruce chuckles as he leaves Jenna, alone with her thoughts.

And what are her thoughts? You. Rumination isn’t enough to describe how you flood her mind, how you fuel her hunger, how she hates how she doesn’t hate you. But you hate her? As two souls collide, their thoughts are evermore intertwined, and collide was definitely a word you could use to describe the thoughts both of you guys share. What gets her brain twisting the most and her throat closing in is the fact her heart is in denial about what it wants. Jenna would be caught dead before she made herself vulnerable before you made her vulnerable.

She had meetings the entire day but seeing that she’s the ones with guns and glory, no one dare to take her up on being tardy or last-minute cancellations, but despite her arrogant nature, she was respectful, and she was kind to those who deserved it, but even then, her guard was never down.

As her after lunch meeting finishes, she strides up and down the room, looking out into the city, only canvasing confusion on Viv and Bruce’s face.

“Cancel the rest of my meetings, please, Viv. Bruce, take the day off, do whatever you want, I’m heading out.”

Viv and Bruce comply and as Jenna starts heading for the door, Viv can’t help but tease “maybe this time, don’t be a dickhead to y/n, we like her.”

“No promises.”

~~

Allowing the feminine urge to take over, you order a Caesar salad, a huge bowl of fries and a diet coke, such a perfect combo. That, with an extra side of chismosa with Sol, it’s a perfect lunch, however, the topic of gossip was you, you and Jenna that is.

“So, you didn’t hook up with her?” Sol, sighing, sounding deflated and defeated, for some reason she was really rooting for you two, she was so adamant about it.

“Sol, you have some sick delusion running through you, not healthy.” You tsk at her, “besides, I’m sure her sugar bear was enough company.”

Sol gasps so loud out of entertainment she grabs the attention of a few others having lunch. Not wanting people to eavesdrop, you give her a maternal ‘quiet down’ look.  

“Oh, don’t give me that look, I’ve been waiting so long to hear this, tell me more.”

As Sol further indulges in your suffering, you slowly start wishing you two had lunch back at the office or your loft, you were sure other lunch goers used you as a source of entertainment.

Back at the office, a warm standing ovation greets you, with everyone’s eyes and smiles lighting up the second they saw you, maybe they are genuinely impressed, but maybe because they’re all about to get a huge payout from the rising popularity of your article, usually rival companies don’t boost each other’s articles, then it wouldn’t be competition, but yours struck the entire nation, the likes of Buzzfeed and TMZ bowed down to you, making articles about your piece of art. However, as much as it was a piece of art, there’s some part of you that felt guilty about pressing publish, maybe the world didn’t have to read about Jenna’s ego in writing, it could’ve just been left untold, you were the one to tell it. Much like Jenna, your day was filled with meetings, but distraction got the best of you, you barely focused and you couldn’t even tell the higher ups what you plan was next, but nevertheless they were highly impressed with you. So impressed, that there was talk about you moving up, career wise.

At the end of your day, exhaustion kisses your body, you were all Jenna’d out, if you had to speak about Jenna one more time, you were sure to implode, not that you had anything against the people asking you, it was a fair thing to be curious about, but, you wish that maybe this was a one-time thing, that she isn’t your shot to success, that she isn’t running your world, that maybe, you would never hear from her again.

“Hello, Ms. L/N.” A familiar voice speaks, the same person who was anonymous with you on that balcony looking out into the skyline was an arm’s reach. But this time, you waste no time in turning around. A big sigh showcases your defeat, so much for never hearing from her again.

“Miss me?” Jenna teases, definitely not missing her, a plan sparks in that sly mind of yours.

“Hey Sol, look I have someone here who is dying to meet the person behind Bayseyes.”

You see Sol’s jaw drop to the ground as her eyes relay the fact that Jenna Ortega is standing in her building to her brain. “No, I don’t miss you.” You chuckle at her, as you head out, if only you turned around to see Jenna’s reaction, it would have made everything all worth it. Though she was fed up with how well you could turn her down, and she’d let it slide, she was impressed at how well you thought on your feet.

~~

As Jenna relays what happened to Viv and Bruce, she swears smoke spills out her ears as they belly laugh at her failure, their knees weak at every word that leaves Jenna’s mouth, Bruce had to hold Viv and himself to make sure they didn’t topple over.

“Whew, Jenna, she has played you in every way, I love this girl, when she coming back?” Viv teases.

“She’s never coming back.”

“Yeah, clearly, your attempts to reel her in is like fishing with a plastic rod.” Bruce adds, Viv’s face lighting up with pride.

“No, she’s not welcome here.”

“Mhmhm, the same way she’s not welcome in your heart.”

“No, I kicked her out.”

“AH HAH, so you admit she was in your heart.”

“WHAT, NO.”

“Boss…” Bruce cringes.

“WHATEVER, I’M LEAVING.”

The same record plays as she leaves the room, Bruce and Viv hysterically laughing trying to figure out the badass you are.

~~

The next day, it was all the same, this time, Jenna waited for you outside the building with a black Porsche behind her as she leans. As it was all the same, the rejection was no different, blowing her off again as you strut the other way, making sure Jenna saw you roll your eyes at her, more rejection, more laughter and taunts from Viv and Bruce.

3rd times the charm is the saying, yet not everyone is proven to be successful, Jenna was one of them, it was irking her and getting under her skin that she couldn’t bag you, but no matter how much you frustrated her, she would never admit she wants you, she’d lay a blanket over her feelings for you, hiding it as she wants you within her reach so she, herself can make you bleed, the same way you did. But maybe she does want that, maybe all she wants is to see you fall, you don’t know who she is, but she seems to know who you are, well, what she could find out about you. But funny enough, her level of power doesn’t get her through to your hidden files. It was redacted, and not even you knew about them.

Number 4 took a different approach, this time she asks Sol for help, begging her to get you to meet her, and as much as Sol wants to, and trust your gut, she wants to, so bad, her loyalty to you was no match for Jenna, Sol turns Jenna away, and to add a cherry on top, you recruited help from a colleague of yours, he was very handsome, and a gentleman, so you two played pretend in front of Jenna’s eyes, arms linked with laughter filling the barely visible gap between the two of you. This fuelled the fire burning in her chest, a feeling she had never felt before, jealousy, and jealousy is a bitch. Jealousy caged Jenna, how could this feeling make the most powerful woman in America bend at her knees, how could you make the most powerful woman in America suffer with every inch of her. You, y/n, you are the indulgence of her soul but the starvation of her heart. Jenna’s first instinct was to hurt you, hurt him, how could he kiss the cheek of her woman? You’re not her woman. Murder was on the table for him, and torment was on yours. Anything to ease her suffering, but she couldn’t, she can’t, as much as she wants to, and as much as she could do it with ease, you breathing was more important.

Maybe day 5 would be different, you thought as the clock hands strike 6pm, and so you were right, instead of being greeted with the ever-greedy Ms. Ortega, you were met with Viv’s warm embrace and Bruce’s masculine yet warm stature.

“Jenna’s getting her right hands to do her dirty work?”

Viv and Bruce share a smile, “as much as we love to see her wallow in doubt and pity, and finally see her humbled, you’re killing her.”

“And how is that any different to when she has a gun to someone’s head?”

“We know, she deserves it, but, for us could you consider not torturing her?”

“Look, you guys seem so nice and a very lovely pair, but I’m only doing this because she won’t stop, and I’m sure doing this would be a lot more efficient than telling her to stop, and honestly, I’m surprised I’m even alive right now.”

“Y/N,” a solemn tone escapes Viv, “she’s not like that, you know.”

“I don’t, I don’t know, and like you heard me say before, how could I let her in if she’s everything I stand against. We are two opposing forces, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you want to know?” Bruce steps in.

“Guys, there are plenty of women out there who wants Jenna.”

“Yeah, but none of them are you.”

“And none of them will be me, I’ll delete the article if it’ll help, but I’m sure everyone has their copies, I’m sorry, I didn’t want it to be like this, I didn’t want to attend the ball.”

“No, it’s okay, don’t apologise, we’re sorry it had to be like this, but we’ll leave you be, we’ll talk to Jenna.”

“Thank you,” giving Viv a warm hug, possibly being the last hug, you’ll ever give her and Bruce a kiss on the cheek, more than you’ve given Jenna.

As you leave, Viv turns to Bruce “oh someone is so getting hurt at tonight’s mission.”

He chuckles, “you know how she copes.”

~~

Finally, a chance to breathe and relax, you were out shopping, giving yourself a self-care day filled with everything you needed after the stressful week you just had. Sol wanted to accompany you, hoping to cheer you up, but you reassured her you’ll be fine and that this was something you had to do on your own. Walking past the dress boutiques, a dress similar to your masquerade dress catches your eyes and you can’t help but stop and admire it, but truthfully, the dress reminded you of her, of Jenna, you hate to admit it but there was some part of you that missed her adamant tries at winning you over.

“It’s pretty dress, but nothing compares to what you wore that night.” A voice you know all too well.

“Jenna…” A sigh of defeat leaves your lips.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry, I just had to see you, y/n.”

“Are you stalking me now?” Genuine question.

“No, no, I was out shopping, well, yes, I had to shop but I knew you frequent here so I took a chance.”

You let out a soft giggle, “I’m not even going to question how you know that but okay, you have me.”

“If I had you, we wouldn’t be here.”

You smile, not knowing what to say, your heart almost breaks for her, you’ve never seen her raw like this, almost as if you make her vulnerable.

“Look, I just want to say I’m sorry, for everything, for every arrogant remark, for every uncomfortable situation I put you in, for playing games with you, for sending Viv and Bruce to do my dirty work, for wanting you, y/n.”

“Jenna,” you grab her hand and caress it, hoping it relieves some of her pain, and maybe now your brain will believe she’s being genuine, and as much as your heart wanted to hold her, you know you can’t. “It takes a lot to apologise, so thank you.”

“It’s no problem, but uh, I know I shouldn’t, but I’d hate myself if I didn’t take this chance, maybe I could take you out to dinner? Apology dinner, on me.”

“Heh, that’s sweet of you to offer, but I’m sorry, I can’t, take Viv and Bruce out for me instead.” You smile at her, trying so hard not to tear up, feeling that choking feeling build up in your throat.

“Do you hate me?” That same question, she asked you that very first night.

“Again?”

“Y/N, tell me you hate me, it’ll make getting over you a whole lot easier, knowing you hate me is a better outcome than knowing you don’t, because if you don’t, my chance of you, my chance of us was out there, but my hands were not strong enough to grasp it, maybe I made the wrong deal with the universe, I don’t want to live a life where we could’ve been, just tell me that you hate me, please, y/n, please.”

If your heart didn’t break before, your heart definitely broke now, this was her, this was Jenna, raw and vulnerable, you wanted to speak, but it seems there was a stronger force out there that withheld you from speaking, instead, you lay your soft hand on her cheek, wiping away a lone tear, so close to Jenna’s lips you could feel her breathing. As she closes her eyes and leans in ever so slightly, you let go, leaving her with a maybe.

Too broken to look at you, Jenna offers “at least let me take you home, it’s getting dark, I know you didn’t drive here, and I know how dangerous the streets can be at this time.”

“I’ll be okay, Jen.”

Maybe it was the right choice, maybe your actions will have consequences.

~~

Too lost in your own world, thinking about what happened between you and Jenna, you don’t notice the looming figure behind you, Jenna occupying you so deeply, you didn’t realise they’ve been following you since you left the mall. Lucky for you, walking past a closed shop with windows out the front, you’re able to see a dark figure behind you, you quickly decipher the figure being a man, but his face is covered so you don’t recognise him. As your heartbeat quickens, so do your steps, actively trying to lose him, you take a sharp turn into an alley, bad mistake. A breath of relief and fatigue exists your lungs as you turn and see he’s not behind you anymore. But.

“Think you could get away from me that easily?” The man appears in front of you, making you jump, but leaving you stuck in place, too scared to run. As you scan his face, your heart sinks, making the connection that this is the same man from the ball, the same one who was harassing you, but Jenna had him thrown out.

“Yeah, now that pretty face remembers me.”

“Please, just let me go, I’ll give you money, is that what you want?”

He scoffs, grabbing your wrist so tight, he may be cutting off circulation. “I don’t care about money, they pay me enough, what I want is you, I want you to hurt.” Suddenly, a sharp sting numbs your face as he slaps you with all his might, knocking you off your feet, you scream.

“That’s right, scream, bitch.” Kicking you in the abdomen, making you give into his wants, screaming more.

“Please.”

“No point in begging now.” He kicks twice more before picking you up by your shirt, you too much in pain to even look at him in the eyes, but the pain would keep going, he holds you up against the brick wall and starts going in for punches, left and right, your nose starts bleeding, you’re sure your ribs are broken, every punch, slap and kick was multiplied by 10, he kept on going, no matter how much you screamed, he didn’t listen.

“Where’s Jenna now? That’s right, she’s not here, can’t go running to her for help.” He was right, you can’t go running for help, you couldn’t, maybe you should’ve gone with her, maybe you should’ve never pushed her away, tears run down your face joining the splatters of your blood on the concrete ground. He starts thrashing you around, making sure every part of you is bloodied, broken, and bruised. “Scream her name, I want her to know you screamed for her, but she was nowhere to be found.”

You were sure you were going to pass out, instead flashing lights come by, there was hope, but that was short lived when you realise it was a large SUV instead of a police car.

“JAMESON, what do you think you’re doing.”

“Sir, I did what you told me.”

“I told you to scare her, not beat her to a pulp.”

“I got carried away.”

“Evidently, I ought to give you to Jenna for this.”

“But she’s your rival, sir?”

“Yeah, but you beat her girl up to a pulp, I don’t need her coming for me just yet, and plus, she’s the key to breaking down Jenna’s walls, making her vulnerable, seeing that you nearly killed the key, you nearly ruined it for us.”

“I apologise Mr. Marcello.”

“Mr. Marcello is my father and uncle, you know better.”

“I’m sorry, Gio.”

“Now, I gotta clean up your mess, hop in the car, killing you now would be a mercy compared to what Ms. Ortega would do to you, oh and drag her in the car.”

“Yes sir, are you going to give me to Jenna?”

“Considering it, if you don’t shut up, it’ll be a yes,” now turning to you, your barely functioning body with a tremendous number of cuts, scrapes, and bruises, “you Ms. L/N are fascinating, who are you and why do you have Ms. Ortega wrapped around your little finger.” Your eyes lacked the ability to focus, and your mind was fighting to stay awake, and you barely heard the conversation between the two men, so it made it hard to figure out who was with you, staying alive was the one thing on your mind. And in this moment, the scariest moment of your life, you doubted life would be in you, once he lays you on the seats, your fight with your mind was over, you pass out, not knowing where they were taking you.

~~

As your eyes focus on what was in front of you, the familiar rooted buildings jumpstarted adrenaline, with indomitable human spirit and a bit of delusion, you somehow make it to the entrance of Ortega Towers. As you collapse the second you drag yourself through the doors, you hear Viv scream.

“Y/N?!! OH MY GOD.”

She rushes towards you cradling you in her arms, begging you to stay awake, to stay with her.

“YOU, GO GET JENNA NOW.” She yells at a young associate.

“But she said she doesn’t want to be disturbed.” He was scared to go up to Jenna and let her know of the situation, fair enough, she’s a scary woman and even scarier to the newbies.

“I DON’T CARE, I’LL TAKE THE HEAT, TELL HER Y/N IS HURT.” He rushes off with speed and not even 3 minutes later, Jenna came running down, you hear her yell something, but your body was on lockdown mode, nothing was working, nothing was focusing. All you know is that you’re in pain.

As Jenna takes over for Viv, so Viv can get medical help, she cradles you. “Hey, hey, y/n, stay with me, okay? Stay with me, please.” She strokes your hair, trying so hard to not let the tears fall, you couldn’t see her like this. No one can. Luckily, Bruce and his crew of soldiers was able to escort everyone out.

You want to, you want to keep your eyes open, but your body was winning this round, and if this is where you’ll die, at least you were in the arms of Jenna. With all your might, you muster up to speak once more.

“I hate you, Jenna.”

“I know.”

~~ 

Thank you so much for your support <3 I hope you enjoyed! 🦦

hehe sorry about the angst, I think this is one of the most angstsiest shit i’ve ever written, and shout out to @lonelym00n cus she had to endure getting tortured as r and getting tortured as herself 😭 (she’s viv). 

it is 5am where im at, im going to sleep, goodnight 🤝

TAGLIST: @somegaybae @omega-horus @lonelym00n @dksjskx @lazyturtle0-0 @jess-1-e @zaclewiss @lostgirl1415 @pitifulbinx @talialeih @amessbian @iamthewoe @aiakuma @user173781 @darkwolf1623 @dvrkhcld

[hottiemcdottie]

Hello. I hope you are doing well.

I'm a new fan of Monk, and I have a question about Tony/Monk and Bitty/Sharona.

I have started to read your fanfiction novel, Mr. Monk and The Port, and I like Monk's and Sharona's chemistry already. The only thing I dislike is the cursing, which is just a personal preference. I know you are a big shipper of the two, and so am I, but I just was wondering if you ship Tony and Bitty as well?

In some of your post, you mentioned both Tony's and Bitty's choice of action. I never put that much thought into it. I just thought the two are incredible actors, which they are.

I sense that you ship Tony/Monk and Bitty/Sharona behind the sences, and with their unmatchable chemistry and double act, do you think anything ever happened between them behind the scenes? I'm not counting on it because Tony is married, but I would like to hear your thoughts.

Another question, how do you think Tony, as well as the main cast, responded to Bitty Schram leaving? There's no comment on anyone's behalf, besides the network's statement. The cast's chemistry is really good. Everyone played their part well. It saddens me that Bitty left because of a contract disruption, or the reason she truly left, because she truly made the show. This is talked alot, but the way the writers have written Sharona's leaving was horrible.

Anyways, thank you for responding in advance. Take care!

Hello friend!

I see you have caught onto my not-so-subtle hints!

Unfortunately, as Bitty Schram is currently out in Idaho and appeared recently on a MAGA podcast (without video), I have had to give up my ship, as I can of course not support anyone who stands with MAGA. She was not asked to appear in the Monk movie, and that's justified in my opinion.

But yes, before this I did think Tony and Bitty had at least done a tiny bit of kissing off-screen. I don't think he would cheat on his wife in any substantial capacity, so that's just speculation. They had major chemistry though, and it was clear they adored each other and that never changed. It's the root of the double act they were able to create.

And I still think Adrian and Sharona would have been a good match when he'd done some recovering. I think Monk very obviously was in love with Sharona and she loved him back. I think Bitty was pretty clear on it because she said in an interview that Sharona (and she herself) "loves him no matter what" which is a nice statement. And of course Tony said he couldn't think of any other guest star in the 8th season that mattered to him, which was VERY sweet. The writers even said they wrote Sharona as the exasperated wife.

It was also so sweet to see how excited and happy he was to have her back for the 8th season. I hated the storyline but you could see the love and chemistry had gone nowhere. Their acting choices really did reflect their feelings for each other and I loved that.

I'm disappointed in Bitty Schram, of course, given that I would have expected much better from an East Coast, NYC-adjacent artist, but I have to shrug at it too. When MAGA loses in November, they'll go back to whatever they were doing before and maybe she'll come back to the East Coast. Who knows?

So the original reason for her firing was stupid and inept management, and she did deserve better than she got. And I do think she had massive chemistry with Tony Shalhoub and that for me translated into potential for romance once Monk did some recovering.

I like to think that now that he lives in New York with Molly, Sharona comes to the city to see him.

Also thanks so much for reading the fic! It's the ending I would have wanted for them before the movie came out.

[heterophobicmaxanne]

sending you an ask cause you've sent me some <3 when do you think royjamie get together do you think it's during the time of the show or?

awwww, thank you, that is sooo nice!

i think there are honestly a bunch of ways they could get/could have gotten together but i think i'm going to focus on the canon compliant ones - and i think it largely depends on roy and on when and how he stops repressing his feelings for jamie and how much angsting he does about his role as manager and the ethical implications of dating someone on the team

i'm going to put this under a cut because it's def going to get long

so sort of the most obvious/maybe healthiest one is roy does some therapy and with the help of dr. sharon realises that he deserves to be happy and that the way he's repressing his wants and needs because he's afraid of the pain that would come from not getting them met is not in fact at all healthy and directly tied to his anger issues. i think then he'd probably need a couple more sessions until he could actually recognise the affection he has for jamie as what it is, namely a big fat crush - i think the fact that he's low key miserable about not getting to do one-on-one 4 am training with jamie anymore because he's to busy as manager plays a pretty big role in that realisation, and the whole fight over keeley thing also plays into it, like he'd recognise that seeing jamie and keeley hug made him afraid that things were changing and because he's a repressed idiot he concluded it was about keeley when in truth it was about jamie - and then he'd probably need to like lie down for several weeks to recover from the shock and the horror agonize about how to handle the situation ethically for a while, call in the diamond dogs for help and make a plan with them that he then presents to rebecca. and only then would he talk to jamie about it, low key expecting jamie to laugh in his face or tell him to fuck off, and i think he'd be genuinely shocked when jamie is immediately like "yep this is happening i am now Roy Kent's boyfriend"

and that's sweet and healthy and good but it's a little too hinged for me, like as good and sweet as that is, it lacks that certain je-ne-sais-quoi that makes their relationship so fun and fascinating, which is why i prefer a bunch of other options!

one option that i see that is also canon compliant is that jamie does in fact go to see his father in rehab. it goes well for a while and then james tartt turns out to still be an abusive piece of shit because it was never the addiction that made him abusive, james tartt is just like that so he says something shitty and terrible to jamie, maybe something homophobic about colin who's post-match kiss with michael has gone viral or maybe something shitty about jamie becoming a midfielder and no longer dominating on the field. jamie stands up to his father but doesn't feel entirely good about it - he's supposed to be forgiving him, helping him become a better person, the way people have forgiven and helped jamie and what does it say about him that he can't do the same thing for his father? he spirals out about it in a way that's similar to the start of mom city, roy notices, finds out what's going on, including about ted's advice and is just Absolutely Enraged. Completely And Utterly Furious. Cannot Speak Will Commit Murder Livid. he gives jamie the best advice he can give him through the rage blinders he gets, and then he facetimes ted and almost murders him through the phone screen. and ted realises his mistake, apologizes to jamie for the advice and for just walking away after the man city richmond match in s1, and the next time ted talks to roy he makes a suggestive comment about roy's feelings vis-a-vis jamie, maybe something about how he never could've seen roy and jamie's relationship developing into that direction when he got to richmond, and waggles his eyebrows and that does not go over well with roy. not at all. but jamie's doing better and roy's absolutely delighted about it and he can't stop thinking about ted's comment and finally, considering how intensely angry and protective he was and how delighted he is to see jamie happy again, he realises it's true and probably needs to like lie down for several weeks to recover from the shock and the horror again does the same "figuring out how to make a move on jamie that's ethical enough for him to do it"-spiel as in the first option

(leslie higgins voice) another one: jamie gets hurt pretty badly towards the final minutes of a match and roy's brain just short-circuits and only barely reboots enough for him to force himself to make it through with some semblance of composure because he's the gaffer and he cannot fall apart about jamie getting carried of the pitch on a stretcher. the second the whistle blows, roy essentially barrels into the treatment room and pulls jamie into a hug that is so fucking tight that jamie has to essentially tap him on the shoulder at some point because he's about to black out from lack of oxygen. and that leads to jamie making a dumb joke about how he's not dying "jesus grandad get your crap together you're going to make the medics think you're in love with me" and roy's brain is still rebooting which means the repression mechanism hasn't fully come online yet so he can hear that sentence, put it into the context of all the other emotions he's been feeling and realise that yeah that is essentially why he is reacting the way that he is reacting and even say "what if i am" which leads to a very passionate kiss, a number of death threats if any of this gets out and some vaguely traumatized richmond team medics

i can also see roy just being absolutely fucking miserable about no longer getting to do one-on-one training with jamie because 1) he does not have the time anymore (now that he actually has to read the fucking scouting reports and all that other shit he lied about as assistant coach) and 2) it would be way more unethical and favouritism and so on than it was when he was an assistant coach. but he doesn't make the connection because why would he, he barely even likes jamie no matter what phoebe said and no matter the fact that he looks at the kunt shirt and smiles like the biggest fucking idiot until phoebe points out that he's managed to swear so much in just a week that he owes her what he usually owes her after like two months and asks whether it's because he's no longer seeing jamie every day? and roy wants to say no fuck off but because it's phoebe he can't and unfortunately that moment of hesitation he has while he tries to find a nicer way of phrasing it is enough for him to realise that yeah actually she's right and that's not normal why is that happening and it triggers a chain reaction that ends with him realising his feelings

and for the fourth canon compliant option, we have jamie getting a little too drunk at the post-match celebration because he's no longer in training so vanilla vodka here he comes and then drunkenly telling roy that actually it was a fucking dick move to invite him for a beer and to butter him up only to then bring up keeley and ask jamie to "step aside" especially considering the giant fucking torch jamie's carrying for roy and roy is like "the what" and jamie tells him again that yeah he has always had a pretty big fucking crush on roy and how did roy not notice despite the poster and him pulling roy through richmond on a leash and amsterdam? and jamie admits that yeah he did act a little like a dick about it, esp to keeley, but roy was being a much bigger dick not just to keeley but also to jamie and roy is like yeah you’re right i was a dick and i’m sorry but I did mean the proud of you stuff I said and jamie tells roy nice cool good and he'll see roy once they start 4am training again in the preseason and roy's like "wait why do you still want to train with me don't you think this is awkward as fuck" and jamie's like "nope this changes literally nothing" and then fucks off to brazil for a bit and again roy is miserable but once the preseason comes closer he gets more and more excited about the prospect of seeing jamie again and at some point he internally scolds himself for acting like a schoolgirl with a crush and that's when he realises that whoops yeah jamie is not the only one carrying a torch

but also i think there are a few moments in the show that open up fun little avenues for canon divergent royjamie, for example:

jamie does not come back into his childhood bedroom when he does in the show, keeley summarily rejects roy, roy wallows in it a little but realises it doesn't even hurt as much as he thought it would and there's even a part of him that's relieved which is weird why is he relieved and why is that relief so tied to nothing changing between him and jamie and whoops yeah there it is the realisation he has a Feeling

there's the slightly more angsty option where roy only realises he has feelings for jamie when jamie gets hurt during the match against man city (which i'm SUCH a sucker for!)

roy is in the room for the "everyone looks at jamie after beards comment about there being more people in this locker room who are gay"-moment and when jamie says i'm flattered roy feels something like excitment and maybe even hope and like why is he feeling that those feelings make no sense there unless he was interested in ja - whoops okay he is interested in jamie someone kill him now

and of course, amsterdam! i can imagine like a very deeply cute moment where after learning how to ride a bike roy just looks over at jamie and feels deeply content and comfortable and happy and realises wait that's how it felt with keeley why does it feel so similar with jamie is it because - yes it is jesus mary and fuckface joseph and then he falls of his bike and when jamie's standing over him laughing his ass off about it he just either pulls him down into a kiss or lets jamie pull him up and then uses the momentum to barrel into a hug with jamie and during that hug he pulls back a little and just gives jamie a look and jamie immediately fucking kisses roy

and then there's the option i'm playing around with in my fic, where roy and keeley break up way earlier than they do in the show, roy drunk-dials jamie on accident and then things develop from there

[imagineitdearies-old]

I'm a lurker on this site but i wanted to drop by and say that the dynamic you've created with Aemond and Luke is sooooo impressively complex and layered- and so drenched in miscommunication and blockages and issues. I just read on Twitter (lol) about emotionally damaged people wanting their partners to prove their love to them because they feel they do not deserve it- and how that can be soo harmful. Obvs in the context of GOT and D+S and all of the twisted stuff aemond had gone through and heard its a lot more serious (he is so crazy love it). But yeah.

Wonderful wonderful job! I'm excited to see where this goes and if they can talk for real and sort this out because while I AMMM not gonna lie I'm a little upset with luke (I'm an emotional person swayed by aemonds pov.. i know rhae and luke will sort this out i believe it with myy tender heart) I feel as if this has a lot more to it than just aemond kind of dooming it from the start with his insecurities.

By that I mean, he seemed to always be waiting for something terrible to happen, looking for evidence to feed his insecurity and his anxiety and post-trauma. And this is just.. gasoline to those flames in his mind. He's like: Luke has just confirmed everything I've been saying in my own head.

Where are the westerosi therapists? These mfs need COUNSELLING! Hahaha. And alicent of course. I love her so much I could weep for her! It's like 4am and I have really bad insomnia so I re read the entirety of D+S and while I am a little glad that rhaenyra can comfort and help alicent my girl, I know it is also a big trauma in itself to have your secrets in the open like that in such a tense and emotional context too. I hope she's okay.

Anyways thanks for reading (?) This novel length ask you're doing sooooo amazing- love love love it. And love the fight in the comments LOL!

Hey, this was all so kind and sweet!! I feel ya on the insomnia--I have a 7:30am job so I basically just live off anxiety and bursts of mania until I can sleep through the weekend, lol.

Yes, 'prove your love by doing xx' is a really toxic thing to ask for. And ineffective--Aemond's not thinking very clearly (lol), but IF Luke gave him what he wanted I think he'd feel momentary satisfaction at best. He told himself in that scene that he wasn't blackmailing Luke like he could have, but it was still emotional blackmail and they wouldn't have walked away closer. In fact, I can't see them recovering from it.

Then there's Luke who HAD the knife in case Aemond really couldn't forgive/move forward without using it, so he was very ready to feed into this toxic idea himself--until Aemond completely blindsided him of course by taking it a step farther/worse 😂 If this was a modern!AU you can BETCHA the happy ending would involve therapy, lol.

As I've told others, you are very welcome to take Aemond's side. He's got the least power in their dynamic and the most emotional baggage, and readers have all the context for the choices he's made right now. AND Luke hasn't been entirely forthcoming about his family (even if it was in the name of protecting them), so this situation acting like gasoline is an apt metaphor to Aemond's short fuse personality, lol.

Alicent deserves all the soft, good things, I just want to wrap her up in a blanket next to a cozy fire, make her some relaxing tea and stroke her hair 🥺 not saying that's exactly what Rhaenyra is up to off screen right now, haha, but she's certainly not yelling at her I promise. The gals are better off than the guys atm, haha.

I'm loving reading everyone's thoughts here and in the comments (for the most part lol), while you've been busy rereading D&S I've been busy rereading those!!

[shivunin]

Character songs tag game

Game rules: Choose one of your characters and list songs that fit them.

I am also going to do one for each (but I am only picking one Lavellan cus... well. There's five.) c: Thanks for the tag, @greypetrel, I forgot about Fever Ray entirely and I am now listening to this whole album again!

Arianwen Tabris:

"There's no turning back now/I can't be saved/And in the next life they'll remember me."

This is the song I imagine playing while Wen goes on her post-wedding rampage :)

"It's a beautiful night for a bloodbath/well, darlin' dance with me/Feel the beat in your chest, let your feet do the rest/And make this dance complete."

This just has such good knife fight vibes to me, and I feel like it kind of captures her relationship with Zev.

"You wake up a stranger to yourself/and then you learn to live with her/sit in her clothing til you fill out her figure"

Maria Hawke:

"When you strain your eyes to find the light, I won't be far behind/Cus it's better in the dark when you're a friend of mine."

"I'm having a great time/being the punchline of my own joke/I think I'm gonna be fine/This comedy of mine, I laugh so hard I choke"

"Harsh and sweet and bitter to leave it all/ I'll bless my homeland till I die."

I can't hear this song without picturing her climbing onto the ship to Kirkwall, ragged and wounded and recovering from the loss of a sibling. And she can't see Ferelden soil as they sail away, because the docks are so full of refugees fleeing the Blight that you can't even see the ground they stand on.

Salshira Lavellan:

No specific lyrics--just the whole song tbh. "I am just living my life, doesn't really matter what I'm doing. I'm me." Salshira vibes.

"Fortune's never been mine/it's fine/I'll take red over gold/Love's never come right on time/Signs still scream at me not to fold"

(this is also what I think her voice sounds like c:)

"It's like waking up in surgery/can't see right past the lights and I'm/so scared to take a knife to my chest/let you see the heart that's inside"

Edit: I forgot to tag anyone lol!! If you want a tag, comment your favorite weather and I will tag you c:

[aahsokaatano]

I think pets are my favorite.

Not only is it really the bread and butter of my business, but it also makes me feel better. I like seeing the smile of the girl who paid for ten more minutes with her kitten, who was hit by a car. The teenage boy who pays for an hour with his dog, who didn't quite make it long enough for him to get home from school. The couple who just wants to hear the song of their bird one more time.

It doesn't take much to bring back pets, especially smaller ones. Birds, fish, rodents, lizards - I barely have to try. Cats, rabbits, and small dogs, hardly any effort. Larger dogs are still pretty easy. Horses are a pain, but that's more because of the kind of people who would pay for their horse to be reanimated than the actual difficulty of the task.

So, yes. I enjoy giving people a little longer with their pets.

This was a first, though.

The dog had dropped a bag of cash on the counter and was watching me expectantly as I thumbed through - I was more looking for some contact information, to be quite honest. Seems pretty scummy to take cash from a dog.

It was a big dog - I'm not very good at identifying breeds, but I was fairly certain based on size alone that this was a Great Dane. He had a collar on - blue, with a gold tag, but it wasn't readable from where I was standing.

It was a lot of cash - alright, so sue me, I was counting while looking for a business card or something. Wouldn't you?

"I hope that you stole this from some real asshole," I commented, glancing at the dog. "This is enough money to pay my rent for a year."

"Rhe wras."

I stopped. Blinked. The dog stared back placidly.

"That's funny, it almost sounded like you were talking."

The dog huffed. "Ri am. And rhe wras a rasshole."

Huh. Talking dog. Okay.

"Well, I assume this isn't random, then," I said, gesturing at the bag of cash on my counter. "So, what can I help you with?"

The dog's ears dropped, and he looked absolutely heartbroken. "Ri wanna ree Rhaggy ragain."

"Raggy?"

He pawed at his tag and moved closer, so I leaned in to get a better look. The front was simply emblazoned with a stylized 'SD', but on the back there was a name and phone number. Shaggy Rogers.

"Oh, Shaggy - your owner?"

"Reah," the dog looked absolutely heartbroken. "Rhe got - got - rhe got -"

A talking, crying dog. Wonders never cease. I'm pretty practiced in dealing with crying humans - sort of comes with the job, y'know - but a sobbing dog is new. I didn't even know dogs could cry.

"Uh... it's okay, you don't have to tell me," I said awkwardly, reaching out to pat his head and hoping he wouldn't bite me for it. "Um. I'll need to do a little research first, but I'll bring back Shaggy so you can say goodbye. Okay?"

He whined and nodded, leaning a little bit into my hand, so I continued to pet him. "Rhank you."

"Of course. Uh, you've got enough here for a week, if you wanted to use all of that money."

"Res."

"Okay." Great. I hate multiple day resurrections. Always leaves me feeling like I got hit by an eighteen wheeler, and I end up closing shop for another week just to recover. "Come back tomorrow at closing and I'll be ready for you then. Sound good?"

He agreed, thanked me again, and wandered back out, looking for all the world like a normal, if incredibly sad, dog.

The first thing I did was look up Shaggy Rogers, and I immediately understood why the dog wanted a full week, as opposed to just a quick goodbye.

Rogers had been part of a P.I. team, and had been killed on the job - in the line of duty? Is that allowable if he wasn't, like, a police detective? Who cares. The poor guy probably deserved more respect than most of the cops I've dealt with.

The thorny part was that the case was still unsolved, and the exact cause of death was unknown, too.

A two-for-one, then. The dog gets to say goodbye, and Rogers can help solve both the original case and his own murder.

Interesting.

I may sweet-talk my way into tagging along on this one - hey, the dog doesn't need to know that my radius of influence is a little over five miles. Maybe I'll tell them it's 50 feet and take part in their adventure.

It's gotta be better than sitting behind the counter waiting for the next customer, or laying half-asleep in front of the TV.

Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll resurrect Shaggy Rogers, and then I'll help him and his talking dog solve his own murder.

What could go wrong?

As a necromancer, you are in the business of reanimating the dead for a few days at a time. Families say goodbye, businesses get cooperate secrets, scientists test their drugs, etc. The more they pay, the better they are restored and the longer they stay, as it does take a lot out of you.

[eykismyfav]

Would You Please...

Requested: Yup! see request here @makiekeys

Request: Hello could I pretty please request a Jack Russell x reader fic w/ prompt #18? I am an avid hiker prone to injury & I’m currently recovering from surgery. I got scolded by nurses constantly for pushing myself too hard and being stubborn. I know I’d give that poor sweet wolf man even more grey hair 🤣

Genre: Fluffy and wholesome with a little bit of some good old hurt/comfort oh and lots of cuddles.

Warnings: Swearing, Mention of injury

Pairing: Jack Russell x reader

Characters: Jack Russell, Ted

Authors note: I love Jack he deserves the world and so does Ted. Jack is so done with the reader in this story but he loves them and that is all that matters. Also @lilpunkrock​ I know you wanted more Jack content I hope this helps! Also There needs to be more Jack Russell content on this app. I really hope you all like this story please comment and reblog as well as like it really helps me know what is good and what is not in my stories

Word Count: 750

Prompt:  “I don’t need help” “That is a factual incorrect statement you do need help.”

Request Open For Jack Russell

Werewolf By Night Masterlist

Prompt List

“You shouldn’t put weight on your ankle my luna!” Jack begs as you ignore him marching forward ignoring the stabbing pain that occurs with every step you take. 

“I’m fine... it’s probably just a sprain...” You mumble the last part knowing damn well it was a lie. You stubble slightly as you encounter a downhill section of the woods. Jack takes this opportunity to put himself in your path, stabilizing you and preventing you from moving forward.

“You are bleeding because you were grazed with a bullet!” Jack is exacerbated at this point why won’t you just listen to him.

“Exactly grazed, it's not that serious!” You grumble trying to push Jack away.  “I don’t need help!”

“That is a factually incorrect statement, you do need help.” Jack growled as he picked you up one arm under your knees, the other supporting your upper back.

“Jack! Put me down this instant!” you shout in a rather undignified manner wiggling about in his arms.

“Would you please just relax and let me help you Y/N? It is okay to need help every now and then.” Jack reasons and you give in just a little bit relaxing in his arm letting you head rest on his shoulder. You might as well get comfortable as you realize this was not a fight you were gonna win and Jack was not gonna put you down anytime soon. 

“Fine..whatever..” Your voice is muffled by Jack’s shoulder which shakes lightly as he chuckles.

“What am I going to do with you?” Jack asks as he continues on walking towards camp.

“I don't know…” You sigh as you close your eyes, relaxing even deeper into his embrace. Might as well take a nap on the way you really had exhausted yourself more than you had thought. As you drift off you feel Jack press a gentle kiss onto your hairline.

When you wake up later you find yourself alone in the Teepee that you and Jack called home at the campsite with your ankle wrapped in a clean bandage which was clearly Jack’s doing. You are still a little groggy but you hear Jack and Ted talking to each other in hushed tones clearly as to not wake you before you wake on your own. You stretch slightly and crawl over to the entrance popping your head out to look at the two of them. 

“Good morning boys…” You yawn out rubbing your eye gently.  “Ted, would you mind if I borrow Jack for a little bit?” You ask with a gentle smile. Ted replies with a low grunt and the nod of his large head. “Thank you! Jack, come here please.” you request as you disappear back into the tent. You sit in the tent on your butt with your knees to your chest and cheek resting on your knees. 

“Are you okay? Does your ankle hurt? Is it worse or better than before? Is there anything I can do to help? Coffee? Tea? Hot chocolate? Tylenol? Aleve?...” Jack asked at a thousand words a second causing you to chuckle and his endearing behavior. You cut off his adorable ramblings with a light laugh and a gentle hand on his arm.

“Jack sweetie, my love, I just wanted some cuddles, that's all, relax. I’m just fine, I'm all bandaged up.” You gesture to your ankle which Jack looks at.  

“Okay…” Jack sighs laying down on his side. You quickly join him also laying on your side so that your back is facing him so you could be the little spoon. He wraps his arms around your waist and chest holding your back close to his chest. “Is this okay?” Jack asks, nuzzling his nose into your neck. His warm breath tickling your neck causes you to giggle.

“Perfect Jack.” You sigh in contentment. You hold Jack's hands in yours, holding them close to your body. You can feel Jack take a deep breath against your neck. You wished you could stay like this forever.

“Please be more careful for me.” Jack mumble quietly pressing a light kiss to your neck. 

“I don’t know if I can if you aren’t more careful yourself Jack.”

“I’ll try to be more careful than…” He nuzzles deeper, holding you closer. 

“Thank you Jack, I love you.” 

“I love you to Y/N. I don’t know what I would do without mi Luna.” He presses on last kiss to your jawline before the two of you succumb to sleep.

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

Looking Back: Analysis and Thoughts on Hitsugaya and Hinamori's Recovery

This was all originally going to be part of my headcanon post about how Hitsugaya and Hinamori reconciled after Aizen's defeat(which I will hopefully be posting sometime this weekend), but it became so long and unwieldy that in the end I decided this needed to be a separate post. Here I'll be analysing and giving my thoughts on:

If Hitsugaya and Hinamori reconciled in canon

Why Aizen hated Hitsugaya and Hinamori (looking at what he did to them, who he is, and why I think he treated them the way he did)

Hinamori's injuries and why it took her so long to recover

Hinamori's view of Aizen and how it's changed

Daiguren Hyourinmaru's Completed Form (the result of his training after Aizen's defeat) and how it relates to Hitsugaya's goal of protecting Hinamori

Why am I doing all this analysis in the first place? Well, aside from being for a bit of fun, these were the topics that just came up while I was thinking about how Hitsugaya and Hinamori reconciled. I feel like these all feed into how and when they would reconcile and where their character arcs go from after everything that happened in the Fake Karakura Town arc.

Also, I would like to thank@troius, who's insights have not only made me rethink my view on several characters but also was an inspiration for some of the analysis in this post. I will be mentioning this blog a few times in this post and including insights they have made, but please check out their content if you haven't already; their rereading of BLEACH is so enjoyable to have on the dashboard.

Final note before we get to it: I know I can absolutely go overboard with these kinds of posts, so if you're looking for short and sweet versions my analysis and throughts on the topics I'm covering here, skip to the end for the tl;dr versions.

So, with all of that out of the way, let's get started!

How do we know they’ve reconciled in the first place?

I’ve seen a few fans speculate that maybe Hitsugaya and Hinamori had yet to reconcile by the time the TYBW arc started, mostly based on the fact we don’t see them interacting at all in the last arc. However, the TYBW arc plot being what is was, there really weren't many opportunities for them to interact. With that said, for me there’s proof they have reconciled by then:

13 Blades: coming out in 2015, the databook has sections in the character profiles where a few other Shinigami characters make comments on each other’s profiles. On Hitsugaya’s, Hinamori says her and Hitsugaya have been close friends since they were young and even calls him by his nickname before correcting herself and calling him by his title; as far as I can tell, there’s no past tense used here, so it's not 'we used to be close' or something to that effect. On Hinamori’s, Hitsugaya acknowledges the impact Aizen’s action had on her, but says she’s much better now and asks the interviewer to tell her to refer to him as ‘Captain Hitsugaya’, indicating she still slips up with his name. For me, this means they’re interacting at least, with Hinamori feeling comfortable enough around him that she slips up and calls him by his nickname.

Maybe it's a stretch, but let’s also not forget that in chapter 659 she calls him ‘Shiro-chan’ and shows a great level of concern for him, and in return he gives her a softened look (I know there’s some debate about whether or not he really is looking at her, I must admit on my first reading I didn’t see it that way but on my second read it hit me).

Also, let's not forget she used this nickname during a traumatic moment for both of them, but for me the fact she continues to use it shows it doesn't hold any negative connotations for her.

For me these are indications that they’ve reconciled on some level. They’re interacting with each other, with Hinamori acknowledging they’re close friends and still falling back on old habits regarding how she refers to Hitsugaya. One could argue it might just be out of habit not an indication they've reconciled though, but as she still considers him a close friend, for me it indicates it's probably combination of habit and feeling okay with interacting with him.

It doesn’t indicate to what extent; they might just be good with talking about work-related matters but get uncomfortable when something about what happened in the Fake Karakura Town arises or one of them just can’t get the image of something they did against the other when they’re with them for too long. If this were the case, then it feels realistic. Recovery and reconciliation can take a really long time, and as I’ll be discussing later in the post, Hinamori’s recovery has taken and is still taking a long time, and I imagine on some level it was the same for Hitsugaya.

However, the main point here they have reconciled, and even it's only to a certain extent, it is a step forward to moving on from what they went through.

Why Aizen hated Hinamori and Hitsugaya

(I often asked myself this when it comes to Aizen and seeing just how far he went to mess with Hinamori and Hitsugaya)

It's probably obvious why I'm bringing this guy up: he's at the center of all of Hitsugaya and Hinamori's angst, heartache, and testing of their relationship. But there's something that's always bugged me about him: although he hates what the Seireitei is standing for/protecting, of all the Shinigami, he seems to really go out of his way to mess with Hinamori and Hitsugaya after he reveals his true self.

For this part, I'll first before going over how Aizen messed with them, then a a deep dive into his character, and conclude with why I think he treated Hitsugaya and Hinamori the way he did.

What he did

First of all, he messed with Hinamori long before he revealed his true identity, and I'm not talking about the act he put up to keep her ignorant of his true self for decades. He not only made sure that Hinamori would discover his 'corpse' is such a state, he also wrote up a fake final letter to ensure she would attack her childhood friend.

Then, he got Gin to lure Hinamori to him, and then pretended to be his old Captain-of-Fifth-Division self. He lets Hinamori's shock at seeing him again sink in, then he lets her approach him, clinging to him to see if he's real, then proceeds to bring her into a hug and reassure and thank her for everything she's done, then stabbing her through the chest. As it dawns on Hinamori what he's done, Aizen gives her a cold, contemptuous look and let's her fall to the floor before walking away.

Here's the thing about this whole scenario: he could have killed her at any point before he hugged her. He could have revealed himself, and while she was in shock at seeing him, flash stepped up to her and stab her. Heck, he could even have asked Gin to kill her once he brought her to the Seijoto Kyorin. But no, he dragged the whole thing out, making sure she felt safe and happy before coldly 'disposing' of her. Even Gin seems a bit surprised at what he did:

Kubo doesn't focus on Gin's eyes or lips unless there's been a distinct shift in them, such as when Gin was captured by Rangiku later on. Here, I feel like his smile is smaller and something about his eyes makes me think he's troubled. There's also the fact there's a pause before he replies to Aizen, he didn't say 'Yes' right away. It makes me think he either didn't know this is what Aizen had planned (ie he didn't know Aizen intended to kill Hinamori) or he didn't know just how he was going to kill Hinamori (ie he knew Aizen intended to kill her, but he didn't think he'd go as far as to lull her into a false sense of security before stabbed her). Or maybe, on some level, he pities Hinamori, as he likely knows the extent to which Aizen went into manipulating her all this time (though I find this unlikely, as Gin has shown himself to be careless of others with the exceptions of Rangiku and to a very, very small extent Izuru). The biased part of me can't help but wonder if this somehow ties into the several parallels Ginran and Hitsuhina have (that might be a post for another day), but now we're getting off topic...

Then when Hitsugaya arrives on the scene, Aizen goads him into unleashing his bankai. Aizen made the comment about 'I should have chopped [Hinamori] up into little pieces and hidden them away' to start enraging Hitsugaya and proceeds to talk about Hinamori both as as an irritation and an object of pity. He completely disregards how hard Hinamori worked to be able to become his lieutenant and only requested she be in his division so he could take advantage of her admiration for him, amplifying it to the point he could manipulate her and keep her blind to his true intentions/self.

he chooses to do all of this instead of just attacking Hitsugaya while he's in shock at seeing him alive or at Hinamori dying (Hitsugaya literally has his back turned to Aizen and Gin and is focused solely on Hinamori in that moment, Aizen could have taken him down there and then!).

So this makes me think he not only wanted Hitsugaya to find Hinamori, dying and wounded by the man she admired most, he wanted Hitsugaya to know just exactly what he thought of her. He wanted to make it seem that all of her efforts, hard work, and just being who she was were all in vain, that she was weak and pitiable.

He didn't just want to piss Hitsugaya off and make him irrational, it seems like he wanted him and Hinamori to suffer.

However, one could argue Aizen may have wanted to ensure he could cut down Hitsugaya by using his emotional immaturity against him, to rile him up enough that he would lash out and make a short-sighted action that would result in him being an easier target for Aizen, which isn't a bad argument. Aizen may have wanted to make it certain wanted to ensure he did so by making him lose rationality, or he wanted to mentally get to Hitsugaya (see, your bond with Hinamori, the anger you feel at me right for I said about and did to her, makes you weak).

The way Hinamori was so callously treated by Aizen led to Hitsugaya developing a deep-seated hatred for him, one that Aizen was well aware of during the battle of him versus everyone. He brings it up, saying out of everyone Hitsugaya is the one who hates him the most and links it back to Hinamori when he says '...or, did your hatred disappear the moment Hinamori showed up here fully healed?' Did Aizen fully intend to make Hitsugaya hate him, or did he just correctly guess how Hitsugaya would feel towards him? For me, either possibility works, especially if go along with the 'Aizen wants to instill as a sense of irrationality in Hitsugaya' angle. Essentially, if Aizen knows he can create a deep-seated hatred within Hitsugaya that would cause him to lash out and lose reason/rationality, then Aizen can use this as a trigger to defeat him every time and ensure he won't surpass him (in terms of power) or stand in his way.

Next, in Aizen versus everyone, aside from riling him up by bringing up Hinamori, Aizen injured Hitsugaya far more severely compared to the other Shinigami and Visoreds in the fight. Everyone else was slashed in the side or middle, but Hitsugaya had both his left limbs cut off by Aizen:

Note that Aizen says that based on how powerful they are, the wounds he gave them here aren't enough to kill them, and it won't even be enough to render them unconscious. A wound like Hitsugaya's really should knock him out from the blood loss and sheer pain of it, but it says something that even with two severed limbs Hitsugaya should still be able to remain conscious. In that case, one could argue that Aizen had to wound Hitsugaya like this because of how powerful he is (being a prodigy and all, a slice through the chest might not be enough to incapacitate him), but I'd argue at this point in the story that the other captains are more powerful than Hitsugaya. He may be a prodigy and became a captain at a young age, but this doesn't mean he has unlocked his potential or had as much experience in combat as the others he was cut down with (this is backed up in the battle data in BLEACH Official Bootleg for at least Kyouraku, who scored 530, while Hitsugaya scored 500 and Soi Fon scored 460; Shinji's entry isn't in there, but I think we can assume based on how long he has been around and just how OP his bankai is that he's probably close to Kyouraku's level). So, for me, Aizen didn't need to cut of Hitsugaya's limbs to ensure he would remain conscious and immobile, it was excessive and deliberate for another reason which I'll get to later. Back on topic...

And he, of course, swapped places with Hinamori during the battle, letting her get stabbed through the chest by her childhood friend. I've said it before, but I feel like there's more a reason behind him picking Hinamori besides her being the one to get a rise out of Hitsugaya.

The swap would have worked just as well with Rangiku. Rangiku means a lot to Hitsugaya and he would also be enraged if this had happened to her, likely to the point of having the same reaction he did with Hinamori. The main potential reason Aizen didn’t pick her I think is because of Gin; Aizen knew he had a connection to Rangiku and couldn’t risk jeopardizing his partnership with him…at this stage (Aizen knew Gin intended to betray him, but he was curious to see how).

Also, let's not forget that Hinamori's appearance at the Fake Karakura Town was unexpected. Gin could tell Aizen was surprised by her arrival. Now Aizen could have been acting here and somehow knew she would make an appearance, but let's go with the reading that he didn't know for the sake of argument. If this were the case, then his plan to take down the Shinigami was most certainly a different one. Now that Hinamori was there, he changed his plan so that he could trigger Hitsugaya and have Hinamori killed or at least severely injured - and not just by anyone, but by one of her close friends.

Who he is

Aizen remains BLEACH's best developed villains, but even then there's very little (beyond subtlety) we actually know about his background, where his motives came from, and how he turned out the way he did from Turn Back the Pendulum arc onwards.

If I had to sum up Aizen's character in one sentence: Aizen is a man who is alone in more ways than one.

Ichigo notes this after defeating him:

Maybe it's just me, but Aizen here looks like a child or a teenager, suggesting maybe he too was a prodigy or became a Shinigami when he was younger? Or maybe because it's a far away shot I just can't tell he's actually an adult here. Anyway...

Now if we're assuming Ichigo's insight is correct, this leads me to the three ways Aizen experienced loneliness, and they all feed into each other in a cycle:

He is alone in his way of thinking:

In my reading of BLEACH, Aizen goal was to rid the Soul Society of Reio after discovering at some point many decades ago just exactly what Reio was. Perhaps as far as he's concerned everyone is living under an illusion (ie not knowing the true nature of Reio), but only he and Kisuke either gained power (or an advantage) over others by discovering what Reio was or were already powerful enough to discover the truth. Reagrdless, Aizen, disgusted by Reio and the system keeping such a being in place, sought to make himself the ruler of the Soul Society and likely the other worlds, shaping it into how he saw fit.

Because of this way of thinking, successfully manipulating the other Shinigami for decades, and being aware of the power he possess, his mind seems to operate in an extreme hierarchy. In this hierachy he considers himself standing at the top as the most powerful because of his immense power, intellect, and knowledge about Reio (the Soul King), and everyone else is beneath him, there is no in between. This is especially the case after the Hogyoku starts to evolve him during Fake Karakura Town arc, where after achieving a powerful form against Ichigo he becomes even more arrogant and likely believes that now that he is that powerful, it's a sign he must the one to reshape the Soul Society. However, he is infuriated when Ichigo unveils a power he doesn't understand (Mugetsu), and his rant against Urahara shows he despises those who know what Reio is or have the power to overthrow the status quo but refuse to.

Aizen, in his belief he and he alone (as the person at the top of the hierarchy of power) should be the one to rule over Soul Society, would look out for those with the potential to surpass him, and he either recruited them to further his cause but keep them under check (Gin [a prodigy] and the Espada) or he tried to cut them down/subdue them in some manner (Yamamoto, Toshiro (being a prodigy with a lot of potential to surpass him) and the rest of the Gotei 13).

He is alone in how powerful he is:

I'm not even talking about him somehow creating Ichigo to be who he is or Hueco Mundo without anyone knowing, or how he manipulated and played 3D chess with everyone's minds for decades, I'm talking about his Shinigami abilities.

His battle data is one of the highest according to BLEACH Official Bootleg and because he recognised just how powerful he was and the nature of his zanpakuto ability, I can see it affect his thinking. As discussed in my post on when Aizen swapped places with Hinamori, he has the ability to create visual, auditory, and/or tactical illusions on multiple opponents. He uses these power so effectively that he has been able to take down the captains, including the captain commander, and was able to cast the most powerful kido spell in the series' final chapters. It's no wonder he's as arrogant as he is and that there are only a few characters that can go toe to toe with Aizen: Ichigo (on a power front), Kisuke (on an intellectual/strategic front), and Yhwach (on a power front).

I also feel like the nature of his powers played into how he viewed relationships and his world in general. His powers are based on illusions, which he can easily create. He created essentially an illusion of himself for decades to fool everyone, and they all believed the illusion was real. He can create illusions so believable people think they're real, and he is the only one that knows it isn't. You'd definitely have a power trip from that, but also, I think, a sense of detachment. If you can create an illusion so real, how can anyone but you know it isn't real? Only you have the power to reveal them it's an illusion, and if you don't, they may never discover what they've been seeing. hearing and/or feeling was a complete lie.

He is alone in that he has no close connections or relationships:

When no one is as powerful as you are, when you have no one to call your equal in power, or not even consider those who aren't your equal but still wants to stand by your side, it must be lonely. But even if Aizen wanted to get closer to someone, I could see him sabotaging himself; with his hierarchical way of thinking, he would never want to form a connection with someone who is weaker than him in power and he would likely feel in competition with someone who is on equal footing with him, and would want to strike them down.

However, I believe he has some understanding of relationships, but only to the point of how he can use them to weaken his enemy. He has absolutely no interest or intent in befriending anyone. It's because of this, I think, he underestimates the power bonds/friendships/relationships can have on and individual or between two or more people.

What he sees as a hindrance or an exploitable weakness is actually shown to be a strength in the world of BLEACH. One may lose against a powerful force that has the potential to reshape the world (either Aizen of Yhwach), but it's their bonds that can empower them to take a stand against impossible forces/odds (Renji with Rukia when he was confronted by Aizen and also Byakuya, Ichigo with Orihime against Grimmjow) or make them get back up if they've been knocked down and want to be stronger (the Karakura Gang wanting to get stronger for each other at various points in the story, Hitsugaya for Hinamori after the Fake Karakura Town arc).

Although naturally powerful and intelligent, Aizen only gained strength from and was empowered to continue his mission through his fusion with the Hogyoku, an object he created from parts of other Souls. However, in the end, the Hogyoku either rejected him because of his weakened power and took away the additional power it bestowed upon him (which is a massive blow to Aizen considering how he views the world) or, if Isshin is right and the Hogyoku actually reads the heart of it's master to see their true desire and grant it, maybe it granted a wish he had deep down all this time: to be without the powers he had (ones that create illusions, false realities that only Aizen knows are fake) and a 'normal' Shinigami.

It might be a stretch, but I kind of feel the latter is somewhat backed up by what happens in chapter 421 before Kisuke's kido takes effect. Ichigo and Zangetsu fused to create Mugetsu; after Aizen is revealed to still be alive, the Hogyoku seemingly takes away his zanpakuto. Aizen takes this as a sign that Hogyoku has determined he no longer needs a zanpakuto. But he further elaborates to Ichigo: "I'm like you now! I'm one with my zanpakuto and its powers! No. I will reach heights far higher than you now that you've lost your powers!" For a moment there, Aizen considered Ichigo an equal ("I'm like you now!"), but then he went back to his usual way of thinking ("I will reach heights far higher than you now that you've lost your powers!"). It was when he did this that Kisuke's kido activated and the Hogyoku took away his powers. Coincidence? Probably, but I thought this was worth bringing up.

So in sum for Aizen's character: There is something to be said for the saying 'it's lonely at the top', and this top is both one of Aizen's own creation (his way of thinking) but also not (he may have been born more powerful than most souls, like Hitsugaya was). Essentially, because Aizen kept this way of thinking, of a hierachy of power (in terms of intellect, knowledge about the true working of Reio and the Soul Society, and of Shinigami powers) where only he stands at the top, he doomed himself to be lonely forever. He only holds his own power in regard and tries to snuff out anyone who has the potential to be equal to or surpass him, and doesn't care for anyone who is weaker than him. His hierarchical way of thinking dictates that he see relationships and investing in the wellbeing/happiness of others as an exploitable weakness used to keep him on top and others beneath him.

Why the hate

So now that I've gone over his actions and who he is, here's my speculations on why Aizen hates Hitsugaya and Hinamori as individuals, and also as a duo:

Hinamori: Aizen may have recruited Hinamori for her potential, which became somewhat actualized with her mastery of kido. However, unlike Aizen, she wanted to use these powers to maintain the Soul Society, a thing he was trying to destroy (or more specifically, the system that was keeping it in place, ie Reio and everything surrounding it). Momo before she met Aizen obviously had a desire to become a Shinigami; I could see this coming from wanting to be a friendly face for someone who is scared of crossing over (I imagine she was in a similar predicament herself when she died and came to the Soul Society, now she wants to do the same for others). In doing this, she isn’t using her powers and potential to rock the boat or try and change the system, she is keeping it in place and is known to heavily abide by the law (with the rare deviation here and there).

She values her bonds with others and believes in others. For example, we see that she isn't so blinded by Aizen that when Renji goes missing, even though she believes Aizen wouldn't dob Renji in she still chooses not to tell him , instead confiding in Izuru. Other examples include standing up to Byakuya on Renji's behalf, the fact she befriend Hitsugaya even though he was feared in their district, her and Nanao are pretty close and seem to bond over books, and her interactions with Rangiku show they have a pretty deep friendship. She also deeply admired Aizen and invested a lot in her captain-lieutenant relationship with him.

Aizen on the other hand has no one. He likely believes he doesn't need anyone, that no one is equal to him (and if they are they need to be cut down rather than befriended) and that relationships make one weak. It seems Aizen loathes people who depend on others or invest their time into relationships/others. However, he saw an opportunity to use this against Hinamori when he saw the impact he made on her after he saved her, Izuru, and Renji. If he did recruit her because of how easily he could manipulate her admiration of him, he essentially he learned his lesson with Shinji (someone who he worked closely with but who never trusted him and was suspicious of him) and chose someone to work closely with who he could make ignorant of his true self and background activities. Basically, Hinamori was nothing more to him than a cover, the best person to no suspect anything nefarious was going on with him.

Also, I think on some level, he can't stand to see her being able to function without him. I believe in one chapter he even mentions he manipulated her to the point where without him she won't be able to function. She proved him wrong by coming to the Fake Karakura Town (where Gin notes Aizen is surprised by her being there) and fighting alongside Rangiku, and then by returning to her lieutenant duties under a new captain who she has a far better relationship with.

Hitsugaya: this is an interesting one, because in light of these fascinating insights made by @troius, I'm starting to wonder if Aizen loathed Hitsugaya because he got away. That is to say, he may have wanted to recruit him but never got through to Hitsugaya. Gin is a prodigy, and although Aizen knew of his motives for joining his side, he knew he could keep Gin under control and following his orders so long as he made Gin think there was a chance to get revenge on him. Hitsugaya is also a prodigy, but unlike Gin who reached a high rank by his adulthood, Hitsugaya has already achieved the rank of captain at a young age. Aizen may have seen the power Hitsugaya possessed and the immense potential he had yet to unlock and thought he either needed to recruit him or cut him down. I could see him trying to talk with Hitsugaya (maybe even use Hinamori in some way), but with who Hitsugaya is (an introvert who doesn't easily form connections), he never had any interest in becoming closer to Aizen. At most, he became a fellow captain, one that he trusted to look out for Hinamori, but that was it.

Because, unlike Gin (who wants revenge on Aizen and warped himself to accomplish this) or Tosen (who wanted to break the systems that prevented true justice for his friend), Hitsugaya didn't have a motive that would make him want to join Aizen's cause. Hitsugaya, like Hinamori, is mostly concerned with his bonds. Although he only has a few he considers close, these relationships are so important to him: he has his Granny who cared and raised him, Hinamori who befriended him when no else did, and Rangiku who set him on the path to become a Shinigami and became his lieutenant. He is fiercely loyal to these individuals and would likely do anything for them. Heck, his friendship with Hinamori has had such an impact on him that it extends even to his division, who encourage applications from Academy graduates who have childhood friends they want to look out for; he (and Rangiku) recognise the value of childhood friendships and cherish them for how they helped them during rough times (Hitsugaya being isolated from the other residents, Rangiku with struggling to survive in the district and not having a reason to really live - just survive somehow - until she befriended Gin).

Yes, Hitsugaya hates Aizen and becomes enraged when he uses Hinamori against him. Yes, he was willing to give up his captaincy if it meant he could strike down Aizen and avenge Hinamori. He's sounding a lot like Gin with Rangiku, right? But the difference is Gin grew up in a rough district with only Rangiku as someone who he considered close. Whether it was that born this way or if it was because of his environment or a combination of both, Gin transformed by twisting and warping himself into [as he describes] a snake; he joined Aizen and had killed several Shinigami since he was a child and never once batted an eye/feeling regret for his actions (the only thing he ended up regretting was not getting back what was taken from Rangiku). He knew how Aizen used the relationships between others and deliberately distanced himself from Rangiku in an attempt to keep her safe and got closer to Izuru as Aizen had made an impact on him when he saved him during the Academy days. Finally, it seems Gin only took his title as captain seriously in that he needs to in order to not blow Aizen's cover and use it as a way to make Izuru do something to further Aizen's plans.

Hitsugaya takes his position as captain seriously, and the only reason he is willing to give it up is because of a deep bond. In most situations the needs of the Soul Society/his division outweigh his personal needs (ie his bonds), but the moment one of those he's close to is in danger, being threatened, or being used against him, the scale falls heavily in favour of his bonds.

I imagine if he found out the true nature of Reio and the system keeping it in place, he wouldn't do something that would involve turning against those he's close to; he'd instead stick with them and ensure they were safe from whatever repercussions come with finding out the truth. The only way he would transform himself is by becoming strong enough to protect those he cares about, as seen when he dedicates himself to training in the caves to strengthen his bankai to better protect Hinamori, and in developing a training technique with Rangiku during the Thousand-Year Blood War arc. He will only go against the grain or not maintain the status quo if the situation is dire, such as going to Central 46 to investigate, and may abandon those he cares about if it means they will be safe (it's not canon, but see how he leaves Rangiku behind and tries to not get Ichigo involved in The DiamondDust Rebellion in order to protect them) but otherwise sticks with those he cares about.

So even if Aizen had no desire to recruit Hitsugaya to his cause in the first place, I think we can say Aizen would still loathe him for his deep loyalties to those he's close to, and ultimately used one of these against Hitsugaya to point where he makes it a trigger for him. In creating this trigger, Aizen can control when Hitsugaya becomes irrational, making him weaker in battle.

As a duo: Hitsugaya and Hinamori have a bond that has lasted since childhood. Although they likely don't spend as much time together as they used to, their friendship has survived for decades, and is still going strong as shown by Hinamori referring to Hitsugaya by his nickname and Hitsugaya teasing Hinamori.

Aizen tried to pit them up against each other, to rip their friendship asunder during both Soul Society and Fake Karakura Town arcs. He counted on Hitsugaya being soft-hearted enough that he'd get Aizen's fake letter to Hinamori somehow, which would lead to a conflict between the two. However, if we are to believe his plan was for them to either kill each other have one of them be killed, they didn't work as he'd intended.

He claims he tried to have Momo killed by Izuru, then by Toshiro but neither were able to do it, so he had to 'dirty' his hand himself. Now Aizen could've been lying through his teeth here, pretending this was all part of his plan or maybe it really was part of the plan but not in the way he explains it (for instance, he sets this up for that it would be Momo trying to kill her friends, causing her more suffering and guilt), but for the sake of argument let's assume that what he's saying here is true. In which case, he may have thought he manipulated Momo enough in the past that she would obey his 'final wish' without a second thought, and that Toshiro would have no choice but to defend himself. He likely thought Hitsugaya severely injuring Hinamori would rip their bond apart, the trauma of the moment being too much for either of them to overcome.

And yet no matter what Aizen forced Hinamori to do, Hitsugaya never pins the blame on her. He's hurt and maybe even a little betrayed, as evidenced by chapter 224, but he's never been angry at her for actions she committed against him or the Soul Society. His, for a lack of a better word, commitment to their bond is strong enough that he can overlook her actions and see who caused her to be like this.

For her part, Hinamori is very clearly conflicted about what her ex-captain's last wish was. I feel deep down she knows this is out of character for Aizen, but her grief is too strong for this to fully sink in. However, her loyalty to Aizen and her grief aren't so strong that she just goes ahead and tries to cut down Hitsugaya without a second thought or an iota of emotion towards him. She is weeping as she tries to attack him and expresses that she 'can't do it' and doesn't know what to do. After Hitsugaya knocks her out, it's revealed she was so distressed by having to kill Hitsugaya and not knowing who to believe that she gripped Tobiume to point of her hands bleeding. Her commitment towards her friendship with Hitsugaya may have waned over the decades, but I can see this being a result of Aizen manipulating her so that he almost completely monopolizes her, giving her little time to spend with friends outside of Fifth Division. This may have given Aizen the impression that she could go through with attack Hitsugaya, but he actually under estimated just how strong their bond still was.

So, we could say that Aizen hates these two as much as he does because they 'didn't work as he'd intended' (ie they were supposed to either kill each other or get one of them killed), but it feels like more than that. He sees how deeply Hitsugaya cares about Hinamori, and how Hinamori couldn't go through with just killing Hitsugaya. He sees their bond, one where Hitsugaya is stronger than Hinamori in terms of Shinigami powers and potential, but they still have regard for one another's wellbeing, and sees Hitsugaya using his power to fight for and protect her. He loathes their bond because he only sees relationships as a weakness. He loathes their bond because these two keep getting up and growing stronger, and it's not due to raw power alone: it's because they have each other and the friends they made around them.

Perhaps as a way to fight back against this deep down, unconscious desire to be a 'normal Shinigami', where his powers disappear and he has the potential to form a bond with someone (even though they may not perceive the world as he does), Aizen not only rejected everyone but also tried to prove his thesis correct by showing relationships and investing in someone make one weak. If he can prove to himself using Hitsugaya and Hinamori (who have a bond that's withstood A LOT) and other relationships between characters (such as Renruki, Hiyori and Shinji, etc.), then he must be right about relationships being an exploitable weakness and nothing more; that deep down desire is a weakness he doesn't want to face, because if he does he may just realise how lonely he truly is.

Of course I am not saying any of this in an attempt to justify what Aizen did (I hate the guy and only look forward to the memes he's involved in), but this may explain why he would go out of his way to mess with Hitsugaya and Hinamori the way he did.

All of this is to say: together and as individuals, Hitsugaya and Hinamori were the antithesis of Aizen's way of thinking and perceiving the world in almost every way. He loathed Hinamori because of how much she valued bonds and was willing to admire him, and he loathed Hitsugaya for his commitment to his bonds and may have viewed the younger captain as a threat to the power hierarchy where he [Aizen] can be the only one to stand at the top. As a duo, they represent everything he is against: a focus on bonds and investing another's wellbeing. In a world where he is at the top and can manipulate them so easily, they choose to focus on someone other than themselves and but their friendship above the trauma Aizen inflicted on them. They grow from it, gain strength because of it, not because of power alone or desire to acquire more power.

Thankfully however, both Hitsugaya and Hinamori survive Aizen's cruelty and seem to have reconciled by the time the Thousand Year Blood War arc comes around, showing that no matter how hard Aizen tried to scar them, prove how fleeting relationships are, or show how weak their bond makes them (if any of these were his ultimate goal in targeting them), he failed.

(Side note: I didn't think I could do as long analysis as I did on a character I hate, but here we are).

Hinamori’s injuries and recovery time

…this is going to be painful to recap, but it will be important for later. During the Fake Karakura Town arc, Hinamori sustained the following injuries:

From Ayon: punched her in the torso and sent her flying. She felt like all the bones in her torso were broken. After she was rescued by Shuhei and Izuru, she’s barely able to breathe or speak when she insists on Izuru healing Rangiku first. As he begins healing Rangiku, Izuru acknowledges Hinamori is in bad shape, theorizing that Ayon either broke her ribs and punctured a lung or that a lung has collapsed. Given that Izuru was once in the Fourth Division, I imagine his guesses about Hinamori’s injuries are more accurate than not.

From Soi Fon: potentially stabbed her in the gut made by Suzumebachi; Hinamori may have not been inflicted with this injury depending on when Aizen chose for her to take his place. It’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things whether or not Soi Fon’s attack was a part of Hinamori’s injuries, but I wanted to include it here as a potential one just in case.

From Kyoraku: stabbed her through the back, most likely just under her left shoulder blade.

From Hitsugaya: rushed at her and stabbed her through the chest all the way to the hilt. If the anime version of this scene is any indication with the ice coming out of the wound, her insides near Hyourinmaru’s blade might be freezing or partially frozen.

The reason noting these injuries is important is because of Hitsugaya’s recovery time. Ten days after Aizen’s defeat, most of the characters who were at the fight against the Espada and Aizen are already up and at ‘em, going about their daily lives with no need for further physical medical treatment. Hinamori is still in the Twelfth Division receiving treatment to repair her internal organs and she isn’t allowed visitors, and Death Save the Strawberry reveals she was recovering for four months since Aizen was defeated..

Now granted most of the Shinigami were not injured to the point Momo was, but even Rangiku (who had the right side of her torso completely pulled off, removing most of her organs and bones from her ribs to her hip) and Hitsugaya (both his left arm and leg were sliced off) have made full physical recoveries by this point.

For Hitsugaya I can guess being a captain would make his recovery time shorter, his injuries more likely to heal quicker because of his high level of reiatsu.

For Rangiku, my guess is having Izuru essentially perform first aid on her almost immediately after she was injured (before Unohana or Orihime came by to fully heal her) helped her make a quicker recovery. Izuru’s thoughts in chapter 405 reveal he managed to heal her enough to just keep her alive (and as we see the skin of her right side regenerated). When Rangiku went running after Gin and Aizen, she was fatigued and looked to be in pain by the time she got to them in the real Karakura town. Regardless, after recovering from being knocked out by Gin, she managed to muster by enough energy to track him down, even throwing herself off a building to reach him. I imagine this undid some of Izuru’s work, but as we can see it wasn’t enough for her to still be undergoing treatment ten days after the fight.

So why did it take Hinamori so long to recover?: Unohana said something interesting to the Visords after healing Hiyori in chapter 422: she claims kido is not that much different from regular medical treatments, and that while she has healed Hiyori’s 'physical structure', it’s her will to live that will determine whether she makes it from the brink of death or not. In a sense, I think this also the case for Momo. While her physical injuries are very serious, she’s also underwent intense mental trauma, including (note: these next dot points are a mixture of canon and headcanons based on my analysis of when Aizen swapped places with Momo):

Everything around Aizen’s betrayal and likely thinking about it even during the Fake Karakura Town arc while trying to prove she has recovered and really wants to help her friends/fellow Shinigami (more about this under ‘Hinamori’s view of Aizen’).

Seeing Rangiku get severely injured and trying to save her.

Undergoing immense pain from Ayon’s injuries while waiting to be healed. I also imagine she is barely conscious until Izuru heals her, making her more aware of the fighting going on around her but not completely aware (she’s still a little fuzzy in the head).

Next thing she knows she's suddenly in the air, with Soi Fon in front of her either stabbing her in stomach or looking shocked and confused.

Hinamori tries to ask Soi Fon what's going on, but then she's stabbed through the back, just below her left shoulder blade, and looks over to see Kyouraku, who mentions creating a shadow on the ice.

She says the captain's name, trying ask 'What are you doing?', but then she hears Hitsugaya behind her saying 'It's over Aizen.' But Aizen is nowhere to be seen.

Too weak from her injuries from Ayon and her fresh one from Kyouraku (and maybe Soi Fon), she can't move, can only fall back on the ice and look over her shoulder at Hitsugaya in panic.

She can't see Aizen anywhere, and despite what Hitsugaya said, he isn't looking at or for Aizen; he's looking right at her. She's stricken by the hatred in her childhood friend's eyes, the rage and fury that gets more apparent the closer he comes racing at her. Why is he looking at her like that? Why is he aiming his zanpakuto at her? She might have even called out to him, desperate to stop this.

She only barely registers Hirako, who's zanpakuto ability she doesn't know about, so she doesn't figure out Hitsugaya is actually coming from a different direction to the one she's perceiving.

Then it happens: Hyourinmaru is impaled through her chest as ice breaks all around her. In shock and choking for air, she can't say anything. The only thing she can do is reach up and grab Hyourinmaru, trying to get blade out of her, but she's too weak and Hitsugaya just plunges it in further, causing her drop her hand and look ahead, consciousness fading.

Next thing she knows, Hyourinmaru is pulled out and she's in Hitsugaya's arms, who looks horrified and shocked. So confused, dazed, and barely conscious, she can only think about what just happened to her, about what the captains did to her and the what Hitsugaya looked at her. Why did this happen to her? Why had her childhood friend looked at her with such hatred? She says 'Shiro...chan...why?' before the world fades to black, and the last thing she hears is the start of Hitsugaya's scream.

Side note: everytime I go back and re-read chapters 391 and 392, I can't help but imagine it from Hinamori's POV and I just...T___T

All of this culminated in her slower recovery. She has physically recovered, but she hasn’t mentally, and that’s why she’s still in the Fourth division after three to four months.

With this in mind, let's take a look at a few facets of Hinamori 's general mentality. She has always been a hard worker and she wants to be of use to the Gotei 13 and to those she cares about, including her division. We haven’t been given her reason for wanting to be a Shinigami as far as I know, so I’ve always gotten the impression she joined because she wants to help others. At the risk of veering off into headcanon territory, maybe when she died in the World of the Living, a Shinigami came and helped her move to the Soul Society. The experience may have left a big enough impact on her and she thought she wanted to do the same for other Souls. Aizen came sweeping in though and somewhat derailed this; yes, she still wants to help others, but her main goal before the main story was to work for Aizen and one day become his lieutenant.

After achieving this, she focused on maintaining the Fifth Division and staying in Aizen’s good graces. With Aizen gone and having revealed his true self the way he did, it was said in one of the databooks her division wished her nothing but the best recovery and were helping her run things as she recovered. I can imagine after such a long period of dark thoughts and feelings both before and after the Fake Karakura Town arc, Hinamori would start to view herself as useless and that everyone is moving on without her. She worries she will be left behind. Maybe she also thought now that the Fifth Division has no leadership, who will lead her and her subordinate now? She’s likely wondering if she even fit to lead, to be a lieutenant in the Gotei 13. She doesn’t know what the future holds anymore.

It’s why in Death Save the Strawberry after Shinji tells her she isn’t being left behind and that he wants her to be his lieutenant that she makes a remarkable recovery within days. In telling her this he’s essentially saying ‘You’re not useless, you’re still a good lieutenant and I think you can help the division prosper again. Your friends aren’t leaving you behind, and I’m not going to either, let’s work together.’ The future is suddenly a bit clearer, enough for her to want to return to her duties and forge a way forward to move on with everyone; she has someone who will work with her, who knows what it is to be betrayed by Aizen.

Hinamori was likely grateful for the visits she got from Rangiku and others (she even credits Rangiku in 13 Blades as one of two people who helped her the most), but if this any indication, maybe what she truly needed was not just someone to visit her, but for someone to tell her that not only is she not useless, but that there is a future for her and she can forge it herself.

Hinamori's view of Aizen and how it changed

This one has always been contentious. I can see why some think when Hinamori arrived in Fake Karakura Town she was still blinded by Aizen, and it wasn’t until the TYBW arc that she finally moves on. The concern Rangiku shows when Hinamori says ‘Captain Aizen’ is probably what set off a lot of readers/viewers off, because if Rangiku is concerned then it must mean Hianmori still doesn’t acknowledge the truth about Aizen, right? However, Shuhei and Izuru continue to call their former captains by their titles. We even see Shuhei keep referring to Tosen as ‘Captain Tosen’ in the TYBW arc. Fans, including myself, have brought up this as an argument in defense of Hinamori, but something I tend to forget is how other characters (not just Rangiku) react to hearing her referring to her former captain by his title, such as Shinji when he first meets her. Why is this?

Everyone knew how she deeply admired and looked up to Aizen, a few knew how hard she worked to be his lieutenant, and many witnessed or heard about her devastated reaction to his 'death' and the grief-fueled actions that followed and her bed-ridden condition during the Arrancar arc. Knowing all this likely made it more concerning that Hinamori was still calling him ‘captain’ compared to Shuhei and Kira for the other characters. (Also, in Rangiku's case, I imagine she is aware of the conversation Hitsugaya had with her in 224 and she'd be aware of what Hinamori requested of Toshiro and her moment of denial).

We also have to take into consideration what happened to each of these three during the Soul Society arcs final third and the aftermath:

Izuru was persuaded at one point by Gin to go along with the plan, but was left behind and lied to about what would happen to Momo, leaving him devastated. We later saw him and Rangiku talking over drinks and getting drunk together while ranting about Gin. Later in Fake Karakura Town, he does get emotional when Gin’s name is mentioned, but he’s not devastated or upset, he’s angry. He uses the anger to get himself amped up to battle Abirama. Even Gin comments on this when he sense his former lieutenant’s anger, saying he’s actually ‘doing well’. After Gin’s death, Izuru continues to maintain the persimmon tree Gin planted at the barracks and visits his shrine and likely heard from Rangiku how Gin met his demise.

Shuhei is shocked by his captain’s betrayal, but after talks with Komamura, and later the two of them fight against Tosen together where Shuhei shows he didn’t completely know Tosen and even comments after stabbing him that the captain he knew would have seen his attack coming.

Neither Shuhei nor Izuru were physically injured by their former captains during the Soul Society arc. Shuhei does go on to be injured in Fake Karakura Town arc, but he at least knew he was in a battle with Tosen (it's not like Tosen tried to lull him into a false sense of security or sneak up on him from behind and stab him).

Compare this to Hinamori. She discovered the man she admired was actually alive and was strung along by Aizen until they were hugging, and then he stabbed her out of nowhere. After he left and the Shinigami were recovering, she’s still unconscious in Fourth Division, and the first time we see her awake again is not until many chapters/episodes later when Hitsugaya and co have gone to the World of the Living. After her conversation with Toshiro ends in her mini breakdown, she is bed-ridden and can't run her division. When she showed up at the Fake Karakura Town, it's no wonder Rangiku is concerned about her calling Aizen by his former title.

However, Hinamori did show her focus on the battle [rather than Aizen] when she used kido in a sophisticated way to fight against Halibeil Fraccion; it was enough to reassure Rangiku that she had recovered enough to at least focus on the battle and not be distracted by Aizen.

However, this would change in Death Save the Strawberry, where Hinamori is still referring to Aizen by his former title with a sense of melancholy. I get the impression based on what I've read about Death Save the Strawberry that at this point she longs for the days before the Soul Society arc, wishing things could go back to how they were. But also, she is accepting that Aizen did cruel things to her, that the Aizen she knew never existed. It's likely for the latter why Shinji is surprised she still refers to Aizen by his title, but comes to understand why when he learns just how much she admired him and what length Aizen went to manipulate her and the Fifith Division.

As the novel goes on, Hinamori shows a lot of progress in her mental and emotional recovery. By the novel's end she still refers to Aizen by his title, but Shinji took her saying ‘Captain Aizen’ without any melancholy as progress. I’m guessing he’s hoping one day she will be able to say his name without his former title, but much like how Shuhei and Kira are treated when referring to their former captains, her calling him by his title isn’t seen as a sign of denial of Aizen's true self anymore by Shinji. This is likely helped by the fact she refers to Shinji as 'Captain Hirako', showing she has accepted him as her captain now.

Final point on this topic: in 13 Blades, Hinamori's comment about Aizen is interesting. She starts off by referring to him as ‘Captain Aizen’ but then says, ‘no, Aizen. Sousuke’. She then says Hirako and Rangiku helped her get back on her feet so she could perform her lieutenant duties. It shows two things for me:

1. Her acknowledgement that Shinji and Rangiku helped her recover while referring to Aizen shows she recognises the role Aizen layed in the melancholoy she faces during the novel. For me, this indicates she isn't in denial about his actions anymore, that he really did intend to be cruel to her.

2. It shows by the time we get to the TYBW arc, she’s moving on from referring to him by his title. I can see a day will come where she won't even think twice about referring to him as 'Aizen Sousuke'.

Again, baby steps, but at least they are active steps moving forwards and not backwards. I imagine there will be times where she will make backward steps, but it’ll likely be a case of ‘one step back, two steps forward’, especially if she has the support she needs around her.

Daiguren Hyourinmaru's Completed Form

The result of Hitsugaya’s training in the caves; we need to bring this up for a few reasons:

1) I’m just proud of Hitsugaya for all his hard work and dedication,

2) this shows how far he went for Momo and his will to protect her, and

3) a new thought I’ve had on it: that this is a self-transformation and not the actual perfected bankai.

Now before I continue, I want to emphasis this purely a theory. It's not something I am 100% convinced by, but I do find it compelling and worth bringing up for thoughts and discussion.

With that said, I bring up this idea of the Completed form being a result of self-transformation in light of a great insight made by @troius about how a bankai is formed for Shinigami. I encourage you to go read the full post and replies here if you haven’t already but in short: a bankai has the potential to be achieved through self-actualization (ie it’s true form) or self-transformation (ie powers and form based on what the wielder wants their weapon to be). We see this with Renji, who is looking to beat Byakuya or be on the same level as him. As a result of this motivation, his bankai at the time developed abilities designed counteract Byakuya’s zanpakuto powers. There's also an arguement to be made with Ichigo, who’s bankai allows him to be faster and was perhaps shaped this way because of his fight against Byakuya where he wasn’t fast enough to defend himself against the captain. This idea of bankai being created based on self-transformation, I can’t help but feel like this may be the same for Hitsugaya.

Hitsugaya’s sole motivation for training was to strengthen his bankai’s power to better protect Hinamori; this led him to discovering and developing Daiguren Hyourinmaru’s Completed Form (what I refer to as the ‘matured form’ in my tags). All of his powers in the Completed Form are about stopping an enemy from moving and negating their powers as quickly as possible. The completed forms abilities include:

Flash-freezing without a verbal command – all Hitsugaya has to do is make a simple gesture or cut the enemy with his sword.

Whatever he cuts has it's powers negated.

Shikai Hyoktesu, an ability which freezes all energy and matter in front of him after four seconds of powering up.

All of these powers are ideal of dealing with someone like Aizen and a weapon like Kyoka Suigetsu.

When Aizen revealed himself to be a traitor to Hitsugaya and riled him up into activating his bankai, one of the first things Hitsugaya did was charge at Aizen and stab him, encasing him in ice and freezing [his illusion] in place. Hitsugaya was the first in the ‘Aizen vs everyone’ battle to charge at Aizen, and he said he wouldn’t give Aizen a chance to use Kyoka Suigetsu’s shikai. In all these instances he went in to attack Aizen and neutralise him as quickly as possible. His powers in the Completed Form reflect this desire to stop an enemy quickly and neutralise their powers before they can be activated.

Also, on the more comical side, Hitsugaya doesn’t want to be seen as a child. He naps in the afternoons believing it will help him grow faster and he gets irritated when others don’t refer to him by his title or see him as a child. Could this have fed into the Completed Form as well given that he has to age up in order to use it? Is it Kubo’s way of saying ‘in order for Hitsugaya to protect Hinamori, he has to grow up and mature’? Was him having to age up all just a tongue in cheek joke? I’ve honestly no clue and you can interpret however which way you want, but I thought it could have potentially fed into this in a 'tongue in cheek' way.

This bring up questions about whether or not the Completed Form is, well, actually completed or just been influenced by Hitsugaya’s desire to stop someone like Aizen before they can harm Hinamori (and by extension those he cares about) given that powers don’t give his enemy a chance to move or use their powers (self-transformation); or is this really just Hyourinmaru’s true powers with no influence from Hitsugaya’s will and desires (self-actualisation)?

If Hitsugaya’s bankai is a product of self-transformation, then it shows the impact an enemy like Aizen had on him. He’s scarred Hitsugaya, which is something I and other fans already suspected, but still…Aizen got to him. He got to him so badly that he accelerated his training, to the point where he has to transform into an adult to tap into powers he can't access at his current age. We could read this as Aizen actually helped Hitsugaya become stronger, but in realtiy it wasn't him as such: it was Hitsugaya will protect Hinamori, his closest friend. His bond is what made him become stronger, not Aizen. As I said before, Hitsugaya will change himself by becoming stronger, and he proved Aizen wrong in that his committment to protecting Hinamori, his childhood friend, is what motivated him to become stronger - ie his bond and his will to 'right the wrong' he committed against her motivated him, not Aizen himself, so it was his bond that may have triggered a self-transformation bankai. He’ll always have those memories of what Aizen did haunting him, but if the last chapter of the TYBW arc is any indication, he’s moving on to a better future.

But please keep in mind this just totally a complete theory and I definitely do not want to rule out the possibility that this is his self-actualized bankai (I'd be happy to accept this conclusion if that's the case!).

The current reading I have on this whole thing is that once Toshiro becomes an actual adult these are the powers he’s going to have when he activates his bankai (no aging up required), it’s just that he trained hard to get these powers a lot quicker than he was supposed to – kind of similar with his situation with Granny, where Hyourinmaru to appear to him appeared almost in full force started in his dreams when his powers were starting to emerge, perhaps as a warning that he needs to leave his Granny before he kills her by accident. But the big thing for me is we do see that Hitsugaya changed after Aizen's defeat. He's more expressive, smiling in front of his fellow Shinigami and not really caring about his height anymore. He grew, and maybe because of this growth he achieved a self-actualized bankai.

I'll end it here by saying the Completed Form being the product of self-transformation or self-actualization doesn't delegitimise Hitsugaya's bankai at all! It's an amazing OP bankai that I absolutely love for the powers and hope to see in the future in the anime and if we get a a new arc.

Conclusion

TL;DR versions:

Did Hitsugaya and Hinamori reconciled in canon?: I believe they have based on the information given in the 13 Blades databook and Hinamori's reaction to seeing Hitsugaya in chapter 659. Why did Aizen hate Hitsugaya and Hinamori?: because both of them as are the anthiesis of Aizen's way of thinking/perceiving the world and relationships. Aizen views the world as a power hierachy with him at the top of it, meaning he can never see anyone as an equal or of worth beyond how powerless they are compared to him. He loathes those who look up to others and value relationships, which he will exploit where necessary. Hinamori looked up to Aizen and values her friendships with Renji, Izuru, Nanao, Rangiku, and Hitsugaya. Hitsugaya deeply values his friendship with Momo, his childhood friend (to the point where he wants to protect her) and being a prodigy, he may one day surpass Aizen in terms of power [which may have caused Aizen to view him as a threat and be sure to strike him down and target him as viciously as he did]. Because they valued their bond as much as they did, Aizen used it not only as an exploitable weakness, but also messed with it to prove timself that relationships and their valuisng of their bond and each other is a weakness. However may have underestimated just how strong it was as despite the trauma he put them through, their bond is still intact by BLEACH's end.

Why did it take Momo so long to recover?: her physical injuries were definitely severe, but what really kept her from fully recovering was her mental/emotional trauma. It seems it caused her to feel like everyone was moving on without her and that she had no sense of what her future was. Shinji gave her the first step, asking her to continue to be the lieutenant of the Fifth Division, which resulted in her making a remarkable recovery within days.

Hinamori's view of Aizen and how it's changed: during FKT arc and Death Save the Strawberry, she still calls him 'Captain Aizen', and the reason it might be more concerning for her to refer to her former captain by his title [compared to izuru and Hisagi who do the same] is because all the Shinigami characters knew how much she admired Aizen and her devastated reaction to his betrayal. Essentially, other characters may see her referring to Aizen by his former title as a sign she hasn't moved on or is still in denial about his true self. According to Death Save the Strawberry Shinji speaks with Momo about Aizen over the 18 months between FKT arc and FB arc, which helps her deal with the melancholoy she feels, and eventually she refers to Shinji as 'Captain Hirako', showing that she has accept SHinji as her new captain. If 13 Blades is any indication, by the time we get to the TYBW arc, she's taking active steps to not refer to Aizen by his title anymore and acknowledges [by saying Shinji and Rangiku helped her] that he was resposible for her melancholoy.

Daiguren Hyourinmaru's Completed Form (the result of his training after Aizen's defeat) and how it relates to Hitsugaya's goal of protecting Hinamori: the Completed Form's powers are ideal for protecting Momo, especially against an opponent like Aizen. This has led me to wonder if this form is actually a result of self-transformation rather than self-actualisation as described in this post here.

And with that, I'll leave it here. Thank you for taking the time to read some or all of this, I hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know your thoughts or theories for anything I've covered here, I'd love to read them! :D

[levisgirll]

could i pls request one where the reader is having trouble eating consistently throughout the day and doesn't rlly eat much and this is where levi starts to notice and helps and comforts her? it's been hard for me to eat these last several weeks, also if you're not comfortable writing ab this you don't have to do this!

𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 (𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

→ Text: Hello there Anon! Thank you for sending a request to me and of course I will be glad to write this for you! And, sorry this took a while but I really do hope you see this as I tried my best with it! Also, I am sorry to hear that you are having trouble eating. Since it has been awhile I hope you are doing better now?🥺 ♡♡♡  It must be difficult but don’t forget that you are strong enough to make it this far and I am proud of you! Hang in there, things will get better soon, trust in yourself <3 

Synopsis: Levi was quick to notice the person he loves most which is Y/N for a while that they were struggling with something. So, Levi observed them for a while and then noticed how Y/N was actually having trouble not eating much. And, it was just an instinct that Levi went out to comfort and help Y/N in his own way. Which made you realize his love for you, and you only, and how soft/sweet Levi Ackerman is towards Y/N. Find out what are the things he does and says!

Trigger Warning, some mentions of eating disorder (but focusing more on levi comforting them), angst, cute fluff, modern au, headcanons imagine♡ —

It was hard, extremely hard, and you tried your best to eat consistently throughout the day, whenever you went out hanging out with Levi, and whenever you were alone. You really did. But, all alone and not letting anyone know about it because you were quite worried and concerned to even mention it, especially to Levi, you found it hard to manage this by yourself.

Whenever Levi came over to your place, or has taken you out for lunch/dinner he noticed you won’t eat much and even skipping it, and he started to wonder if it was because you hated the choices he picked and took you or you had enough of outside food with him. But, he later observed you and had noticed you were actually struggling to eat nowadays and he wanted to talk to you, to be of use and support you. After all, you are someone to him he cared and loved.

So, he decided to come over to your place and have a chat with you, because Levi was slowly starting to be worried for you.

“Hey, Y/N. I want to talk to you about something. Come sit with me?” Levi said as he sat down on your couch, leaning forward while he rested his elbows on his thighs. He looked towards you, at your eyes which had a surprised look.

“S-Sure.” Y/N said nervously and sat from the opposite side, not sure if Levi was mad at something.

“I...have been noticing that you aren’t enjoying our lunch and dinner hangouts recently, and I also noticed you usually reject my hangouts whenever we go out to eat. Did I...do something?” He sounded quite sad and also concerned. He wanted to make sure the relationship you both had was still going good, because he loved hanging out with you and spending every minute with you. To Levi, you were his everything and he wanted to progress with this relationship and bond but to do that, he had to also make sure you were comfortable and he wanted to really help you out and be there for you!

You were taken aback from his comment, surely he misunderstood the situation, Levi started talking about how he was feeling worried  if he might have done something wrong and he had also personally observed the way you were behaving different nowadays towards him.

“No Levi...You never did anything. It’s just that...” You looked away from him and looked down towards your hands that you rested on your lap, you wanted to tell him, but you were not sure how.

But then, you felt his both hands on top of yours and he held it tightly when he bent forward, and looked at you filled with love and concern. “Just what?” He was paying close attention to what you were saying, and Levi sat there patiently and calmly, waiting whenever you wanted to respond or not.

You let out a sigh and with his touch, him caressing your hands, you held his hand back and relaxed. You decided to say instead what was on your mind to Levi. “Just, I am kind of struggling to eat nowadays Levi. It’s been hard for me to eat the past few weeks and...I am trying to but it’s kind of hard.” You said, with such a sad tone it broke Levi’s heart to hear that from someone he loved. 

But, he was glad. Levi was glad and relieved to hear that you were finally telling him what was on your mind, and how you were feeling because that was important to him. And, the fact that how Levi started the conversation in a gently and safe environment and both talked about how Y/N and Levi were feeling made it much easier for Y/N to see that Levi just actually cared for them and decided to let him know. 

Ever since you had let him know about this, Levi takes account to this and starts to help you in his own way which is filled with love with every act he does.

Levi kind of understood you as he himself, is insomniac, and he struggled to sleep but ever since with your presence and whenever you both had sleepovers, it has helped him had some extra hours of sleep and he was glad he told you and shared that with you ever since you both got close. Him letting you know about it made it less harder for him and easier for him to accept it as he didn't feel all alone anymore. Levi felt really lucky to have you. And now, he wants to give that back to you but x2, he wanted the same thing for you. “Let’s do this together.” Levi would say and he held on your hand, meaning every word he is saying.

Once you have told him you don’t really eat much, Levi gave you space to talk about how they’re feeling and what was going on for them. Levi would be very patient and would honestly listen to every word you say and keep a note of it. He would never and not even think of being annoyed about their eating habit’s as he knew it was something difficult for you and honestly, he was proud of you to have made it everyday all by yourself. He found you even stronger than him.

“Hey, I’m not good with words but, I want you to know I care about you brat. And...I am always there to help, so don’t you dare hesitate with me.” He said and ruffled your hair with a slight blush on his cheeks.

After you were slowly trying to recover, once Levi surprised you and decided to break the routine and made you light homemade food instead to encourage you a bit to eat something if you wanted to. He came over for a movie night and made food for the both of you. And, if you tried or tasted his food even just a little bit, he would smile at you and lean in to give you a soft kiss on your cheek. “I’m proud of you sweetheart.” 

‘s-sweetheart?!’ you thought as your cheeks felt hot and you looked away feeling really shy. Y/N was surprised to how Levi was being too soft and sweet, and you actually found it so cute that you both ended up cuddling each other on the couch. “Tch, you really are clingy huh?” Levi said with a smirk and joked. He made you give out a small laugh as it was ironic coming from him, and that, really really, warmed his heart. Tonight was just special for the both of you and he made you feel so special that evening. You really loved him.

Although, Levi would constantly tell you that if you ever needed his help in anyway, or to even hear you out, he was so ready for that. It was his most effective way of showing you his full support, just for you. And, it all came from his heart. 

Levi would also research and read more about how to help ‘a loved one who struggles to eat’ and ask for tips from Hanji and Armin, because he really wanted all the best for you. Your happiness is his happiness too.

Whenever Levi goes out to see his old friends, he would still ask if you would like to join. He knows that even if they do not join him, he would still ask you, making Y/N feel valued as a person and always Levi trying to include them in things. Once, Y/N went out to see Mikasa, Historia and Armin to a dessert place and Levi tagged along with Y/N. He would order for himself black tea and Y/N hot chocolate while the others would get themselves some ice cream, waffles and cakes. 

While everyone is eating and chatting, Levi would put his hand on top of your lap and caress it. Making sure you are feeling alright and he is there for you no matter what. While you saw the desserts being sweet, you thought Levi’s act was even sweeter to you and it warmed your heart. He then would lean in and whisper to your ear as the others were chatting, “I know this can be hard, and there seem to be lots of food around, but you don’t have to eat it all alright?” Levi said calmly and held your hand, he understood you so well and he knew you were still in recovery so it was a great reminder for Y/N to help them feel in control again. He really helped you out and you felt so happy sharing this with him now.

One night, you got so fed up and felt really overwhelmed. So, you decided to call Levi to come over to your place while sobbing. He came so fast, you have no idea. Hearing you tear up during the phone call, broke his heart and he wanted to hold you right now. As he entered your flat, you quickly got up, eyes swollen from your tears, “I-I..” but you suddenly got pulled towards him and Levi hugged you so tightly. That simple hug, you felt all his love towards you, and it really calmed you down and warmed your heart instead of your body. “Shhh, It’s okay. I got you.”

Levi would definitely build up your self-esteem, after all you were such a great and strong person, not everyone can handle this and it was hard. So, the fact you were for several weeks, along dealing with it, Levi would let Y/N know how strong they are, and he would tell them what a great person they are and how much Levi appreciated having Y/N in his life.  “Y/N. I know this is difficult, but I am proud of you.”

The fact that Levi was constantly trying to find out more about eating disorders and how to support them, with that act itself shows that Levi actually really cared and it helped him understand how they might be feeling. So, he would always during nights you both slept together during the weekends, he would whisper soft and gentle things to you, making you feel so much good. “Y/N...You are doing really well.” He would say as he softly caressed your cheeks with his thumb as you both laid on the bed, while you hugged around his waist. “Thanks, Levi. That means a lot.” You said and softly teared up, finally feeling so much better after a long time. “Don't thank me, I want to be here for you if you ever need me.”  Those simple words, made you tear up even more, it was just the way he said it, and how he focused on your eyes, his love is real for you. That evening, you shared a lot of love together <3 It made the both of you feel amazing!

And, when you started to eat something little by little and you told him about it or he has seen it, he would give you a smile which was quite rare to see sometimes but he has become softer with you, showing you a side only you see and no one else. “See? I believe in you. You look really happy.” and he meant it. Levi has always been honest to you and that is a strong factor of his as he does not say that easily. With all of his small comments and encouragements he has given you, it made you feel so amazing whenever you ate something even small and he made sure to make you feel good about it.

If you perhaps eat something and it made you feel down about it, Levi would be sure to cheer you up about it and try to joke around to make you laugh. Doing that to make you forget your negative thoughts and he would shower you with love too, by kissing your forehead and saying “It’s going to be okay Y/N, really.”

You won’t miss a day of Levi not sending you a text, you are after all always in his mind because he is in love with you. So he would text or call you and say “How are you doing?” He wants to know if you are doing well and what you were up to so he can see you later on the day <3

Levi one day surprised you and you got a delivery from him, it was a bouquet of roses with a box of chocolate and he left you a handwritten note saying “You look amazing. -Levi.” and that simple note, made you not stop smiling throughout the whole day and squealing about it to Hanji.

After a while, Levi finally took his chance and with time he finally confessed his love to you and how much he deeply cared and cherished you. “I love you, and I don’t think of you any differently.” Levi would say to you under the beautiful nightsky. Levi then reassure them that they are worthy and loved, and nothing they say or do will change that to him.

Ahh anon I really hope you liked this and if anyone read this I hope you did too! This came out so soft and fluff to be honest, and I really see Levi being really understandable and all because he also struggles with something else, such as not getting enough of sleep, and he would shower you with comfort, making you also feel so amazing and good? Like imagine Levi saying what I mentioned above, to you! Anyways, if you did like this please then leave a like, a reblog or leaving me message about it! Thank you all <3

[randomshyperson]

Hi!! Hope you're doing good and drinking water :) May i request something? 😁 I was listening to "the 1" by Taylor Swift (queen) and got me thinking about a Wanda X Reader story where maybe idk they dated in high school/college but ended cause whatever reason but they never actually stopped liking eachother (yknow, like the song) and then they just meet somewhere and get to talk and you know... happy ending lol But only if you like the idea really. Have a good one!

Hello anon! Here it is, hope you like it. It’s short but is sweet, i hope you like it.

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - The One

Summary: Prompt based “A story where Reader and Wanda broke up and never stopped loving each other. Inspired by the song “The 1″ from Taylor Swift.

Words:  2.531k    ///// Read on AO3

Warnings: None.

Marks: @mionemymind @wandamaximoffpuppy

Wanda Maximoff came into your life during autumn.

You were both in the same art history class, and she lent you a pen.

All it took was two dates, and you were completely in love. Unfortunately, as quickly as it started, your relationship burned out.

You wish you had a big plot justification, with betrayals and twists and turns to justify to your friends your emotional misery when it ended, but the only reason was the complete emotional immaturity you had.

There were fights, and accusations, and so much jealousy. And you wish so much that you had gotten over it, but you couldn't. And then Wanda was gathering the clothes that she had in your dormitory, and throwing the key at you.

You swore you wouldn't cry anymore, because there were no more tears after so many weeks, but you kept going. Until all that was left was the bitter feeling that you had ruined everything and lost the most important person in your life.

It had been more than two years since you two had broken up, and you still had the number saved on your cell phone with a heart emoji, even though the conversation had been archived a long time ago. And then you were walking out of the main building at NYU, and your friend Natasha Romanoff called out to you as she walked quickly toward you.

- Hey, girl! - she said with a smile. - How are you?

You shrugged as you walked with her around the campus toward the secondary building, where the Philosophy classrooms were.

- I’m surviving. - You joke with a weak smile, Nat looked at you worriedly, but you shook your head, trying to reassure her. - And how are you doing? 

- Fine, I think. - She says, entwining your arms. - I miss you, but things are fine.

You nod, looking forward. You knew that you had been absent in your friends' lives, simply because it seemed that things no longer made much sense since you were no longer with Wanda.

- Did you hear about Bucky and Sam? - she asked, and you let out a sigh.

- Yes, I... I don't know if I'm going to make it.

- Ah, Y/N, please. - She says. - It won't be the same if you are not there.

Natasha was talking about your friends' engagement party, which you were invited to a week ago. You hesitated, because all of Bucky and Sam's friends were invited. And that included Wanda.

You let out a sigh.

- I will make an effort to be there, I promise. - You assure her with a smile. 

- You don't want to see Wanda, do you? - Nat asks. And you look at the ground. - Look, I just... I never really understood why you two broke up. But maybe it will be good to see her, you know. Maybe you two need to talk after all.

You shrug, feeling the familiar sadness take over your chest every time you think of Wanda. 

- Let's talk about something else okay? - You ask her with a weak smile and Natasha nods, changing the subject as you two walk along the campus.

//-//

You straightened your clothes before knocking on the door. It had been almost two weeks since you had spoken to Natasha, and the day of the party had finally arrived. You saw many cars parked outside the Barnes residence, and were not surprised when one of the family friends answered the door instead of the owners.

You smiled and greeted the gentleman, saying that you were a friend of the grooms, and he smiled back when he let you in. You overheard someone say that it was better to leave the door open because of the number of guests, and you let out a small laugh. 

The house was full, and it took a few minutes for you to find Bucky, who looked extremely happy. He smiled slightly surprised when he saw you.

- Hey, you're here! - he said, walking over to you. - It's so good to see you!

Bucky hugged you tight and you laughed lightly, saying that it was very good to see him too.

- How are things going? - you asked as you broke the embrace. - Are you feeling anxious?

Bucky laughed, putting his hands in his pockets.

- Everything is working well. My parents are helping me and Sammy to organize everything. - he says, smiling. - And damn, yes. I can't wait for the ceremony.

You laugh, nodding in understanding. You talk for a few more minutes until Sam comes to check on the groom.

- Wow, look at you Wilson! - You exclaim when you see him, and he opens his arms toward you, grinning contently. You hug each other tightly. - It's good to see you, my friend.

- Yeah, it's great to see you too, stranger. - He smiles back, and then you part. - Glad you could make it.

- I couldn't miss the first wedding of the group. - You joked and made them laugh. 

And then they were talking about the preparations for the wedding, and the family members who had come from far away, and you were smiling and laughing at the stories. But everything seemed to slow down when your gaze focused on someone behind Bucky, the only person who always had the ability to capture your full attention.

Wanda had just walked through the front door, and was taking off her coat. You barely noticed Pietro standing beside her, as your heart started racing at seeing her again. Sam called out to you a few times, until you blinked and looked at him.

- Wow, you really haven't changed at all. - he teased. - Three years and you are still completely out of breath when you see her.

You blushed, telling him to shut up, but Bucky and Sam just giggled. And then you swallowed hard, because Wanda was looking around and her gaze met yours.

Your gas in surprise, and you told the couple in front of you that you needed a drink, then you rushed to escape the room.

You ended up on the balcony, trying to recover from the intensity of the previous moment, completely affected by seeing Wanda again. 

You thought it was the best to greet the people you knew at the party, and after talking to Clint and his girlfriend Laura, and also to Steve, Tony and Bruce, you made your way to the family circles. Bucky's parents and siblings were very friendly, and Sam's family was very warm, and they all hugged you and smiled. And then you were walking around the house again, and Nat approached you, two drinks in her hands, and one of them she handed to you.

- You really came. - She said with a smile. - Bucky just told me and I didn't believe it.

- The faith you have in me is touching. - You sneered with irony and she laughed before taking a sip of her drink. You looked at your own glass suspiciously.

- Is this champagne? - you asked, and she nodded, making you sigh. You put the glass on the balcony table near you. - Thanks but I'm driving.

Nat grumbled in understanding.

- You're running away from her, aren't you? - She remarked when she noticed your gaze wandering around the room.

- Is it that obvious? 

Nat laughed lightly.

- I suppose you are going to be uncomfortable for the next few minutes, since I just told her I was coming to talk to you and invite her to join me. - She tells you and you turn your face to her sharply with a surprised expression.

- Wait what?

But Nat is smiling past you and then you feel your body tense up as Wanda's voice sounds behind your back. Nat is saying something about how nice it is that everyone is together, while you turn around and you’re probably staring, but you can't react to having Wanda in front of you. Just as beautiful as she was three years ago.

- Hi. - She said a moment later looking up at you, a slight blush on her cheeks. It took a gentle nudge from Nat's elbow on your rib for you to react.

- Hi. - you exclaimed surprised and slightly uncomfortable. - How... How are you?

Wanda smiled awkwardly.

- Good, I... i'm good. And you? - she asked hesitantly. You nodded frantically, trying to smile.

 - Good, good. I... Good.

- Jesus. - You heard Natasha say as she looked at the two of you with a frown. - Okay. I'll put our names in the gymkhana, and you can continue with whatever this is by yourselves.

You scratched your neck uncomfortably as Natasha hurried to leave. 

- So... how are things? - Wanda asked, putting her hands in her pockets.

Ignoring your current anxiety, you assumed a thoughtful expression for a few seconds.

- Things are fine. I’m... I... I'm graduating. - You tell clumsily, running your hands through your hair. - Yeah, I... I'm graduating in a few weeks. 

- Wow, that’s actually really cool. - She comments with a smile. 

- I think so. - You say, laughing nervously. - What about you, Wands, how are you? Are you still studying?

Wanda blushes at the way you call her, looking away. You barely notice the nickname escaping your lips. But then she is smiling, so you don't notice much beyond that.

- Yes, I still have a year to go, but I'm doing well. - she says. You nod in understanding, but then Pietro is joining you two, a smile on his face.

- Wow, it's really good to see you Y/N. - He remarks as soon as he reaches you two and hugs you. You laugh lightly. 

- It's good to see you too, Pietro. - you say when you let go. - I like the beard, by the way.

- Thanks, I'm trying to look older. - He comments with a cocky smile, and you laugh, ignoring the nervousness of having Wanda looking right at you. - I didn't know you would be here today, I heard you were going back to California.

- Oh, yes, I... I am. - You say clumsily, gazing at Wanda quickly. - After I graduate, I'm going back home. I don't really have anything to keep me here.

- That's a shame, really. - Pietro says and you try to focus on his face and not on Wanda's frown. - But I hope you will keep in touch with everyone by skype at least.

He jokes last, and you laugh, nodding. And then he starts asking you about college and your parents, and you answer politely, trying to ignore the nervousness in your stomach that has settled with Wanda's attentive look on you.

- Pietro, would you get me something to drink, please? - Wanda asked after a moment, and you and Pietro looked at her in surprise, but she just smiled innocently, and her brother grumbled, before nodding and leaving. - Can we talk for a moment?

You blinked in confusion, but agree. Wanda took your hand next, and you bit the inside of your cheek, feeling your face flush as she pulled you around the yard, toward a farther area.

When she stopped walking, she let go of your hand, and turned around to face you, looking nervous and a bit anxious.

- Are you really leaving? - She asked with a almost sorrowful expression.

You straightened your posture, frowning slightly.

- Yes, I... Wanda, what is it? 

- Okay, I’m.. I'm going to say this once, because I have to, and then we'll go back to our life as before, okay? - She said hurriedly, closing her eyes for a moment as she took a deep breath while you just stare her. - I'm still in love with you. And I know we broke up two years ago, but I just couldn't move on. And I guess a part of me never will. - She confesses and you feel the air escape from your lungs. - And I need you to know this before you leave, because I almost couldn't come to this party because I knew you would be here. And I can't believe that we were this intense and amazing thing only just for me. - She says last. But you are in shock, so Wanda swallows dryly. - Damn, I'm... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything and…

- I love you. - You confess interrupting her, listening to your heart pounding in your ears.

- W-what?

- I love you. - You repeat breathlessly as you are moving forward and kissing Wanda firmly. She stumbles back in surprise, but you keep your hands on her face, until she sighs in delight and kisses you back with the same intensity. It feels as good as you remember, but eventually you part breathlessly and start talking with your forehead touching. - I'm sorry I ruined things between us. I was stupid, childish and a bloody idiot. But I'm completely in love with you and i have always been. 

Wanda lets out a surprised laugh, her eyes filled with tears. And then she kisses you again.

- God, we are a complete disaster. - She comments as you separate, making you laugh lightly. And then she swallows dryly, stroking your face with her thumbs. - What are we going to do now?

You smile, hugging her waist.

- I'm not going anywhere if you ask me to stay. - You tell her, making her sigh with surprise and happiness.

- Be my girlfriend, then. - She asks, and you let out a giggle. 

- I'd love to. - You say, and then back away a little. - We'll make it work this time, Wanda. I'm going to love you the right way now.

Wanda nods in understanding, looking at you tenderly.

- You have always loved me the right way. - she says. - We just didn't know how to show it properly.

You sigh.

- I missed you. - You say, bringing your foreheads together. 

- I missed you too. - She breathlessly retorts before kissing you again.

The kiss intensified in the next second, and you ended up pushing Wanda against the outer wall of the house, and she sighed into your mouth. God, you missed her taste. Then she sighed against your lips, and you slowed down, because you are literally in an engagement party.

When you parted, you let out a breathless giggle.

- We should get back to the party. - Wanda comments, her face close to yours. You grumble in agreement, before kissing her again, your tongue running slowly and sensually across her mouth, making a warmth rise in the pit of your stomach.

- Wow. - You say breathlessly a moment later, breaking the kiss for breath. Wanda's hands are dangerously low. She lets out a breathless chuckle, her face flushed. You swallow dryly, clearing your throat. - We'd better go before I can't stop.

Wanda smiles, nodding her head in agreement. And then you took a step back, and it was easier to breathe and think clearly.

When you returned to the party, holding hands, Natasha stared at you two and sighed, taking a twenty-dollar bill from her pocket and handing it to Pietro, who had a smug smile on his face. She complained that she had bet that you two would only get back together after the party, while Pietro had bet that it would be during. You and Wanda's faces reddened, but you laughed at the story.

Two years later, you visited Bucky and Sam, but now, the wedding invitation in your hand was yours.

[btsxmalereaders]

'Cause I Like You

Pairing: Yang Jeongin x male reader.

Prompt: "H-how long have you been standing there?" / "Long enough."

Word Count: 1,5k

Fluff | Requested

Masterlist

Don't forget to vote on whosfan and stream!

"Well, it's not like I haven't dated before." Changbin says as he plops down in the sofa, without taking his eyes off his phone screen. "So it doesn't feel any different."

"Now you have to be extra careful if you don't want it to be public, though." Chan intervenes. "Or at least you have the freedom to announce it whenever you and your partner decide."

As they keep talking about dating and how some other rules of the company, Jeongin seems to be more interested on the conversation he's having with you over the phone.

He chuckles from time to time, typing as soon as he receives a message from you. Your conversations for now consisted on sending each other memes and funny videos you found, and Jeongin always found that refreshing when he needed a break from his schedule. He also appreciated how you always are there from him, listening to whatever he needed to let out and to advising him when he was troubling. You were best friends for many reasons, but the fact that Jeongin would always find comfort and understanding in you, was priceless.

"Uh, Earth calling Innie, can you hear us?"

"Jeongin!" Chan finally makes him take his eyes off his phone by raising his voice a little. "How much are you doing on the phone? Ever since you came in you're smiling and texting."

"The dating ban just finished a couple of days ago and you've already found a partner? You really don't waste your time, do you?" Changbin laughs, making the younger blush.

"Shut up, I'm just texting Y/N."

"That's the only thing you've been doing lately, you finally gathered up the courage to confess to him your feelings?" Changbin casually comments, making Chris laugh as well.

"What? I don't- I-"

"Please," He cuts off. "We weren't born yesterday. It's quite obvious at this point and denying it is really useless."

Jeongin looks at Chan, wanting him to defend him and say that Changbin is wrong, but he simply shrugs. "What do you want me to say?"

"You're the worst." He simply states and continues typing, this time with trembling hands and reddened cheeks as he tries to hide the growing smile on his face.

So what if he has a crush on you, anyways? Jeongin never thought of confessing before as you two have a great friendship that you deeply cared about and has been really meaningful since you were kids; plus, as oblivious as it sounds, he hasn't noted any interest from you, so he is at least thankful he can have you as a friend.

"It'd be no surprise to see people confessing to you sometime soon, you know?" Chan says and pats his shoulder, now changing the tone of his voice to sound a bit more sweet. "Our Innie has always been so cute."

"You're embarrassing him." Changbin chuckles.

"I know, it's my duty as his hyung." He jokes and stands up. "Don't be shy around us about this stuff. You don't have to hide how you feel."

Before Jeongin can say anything about it, Chan exits the room with a smile and a small and careful movement to ruffle his hair.

Y/N - 04:48 p.m.

let's meet up later? :)

He nervously types his answer and sends it, trying to ignore how Changbin is repeating how cute he looks blushed just to tease him.

He may do something about his feelings, but not until he knew for sure you felt the same way.

To his own surprise, the words addressed to him a few hours ago by his leader came true. As he was leaving the building to meet you, a girl of his age whom he knew quite well and with whom he had started a good friendship walked towards him shyly, her cheeks so red and her hands trembling behind her back as she was holding a small box with chocolates.

Jeongin smiles and greets her as usual, not knowing her intentions and just listening carefully to her stumbling as she tries to calm down and properly confess her feelings for him.

In that precise moment, you walk to the building, not expecting to find that scene as soon as you step in. Your hands grip tighter the small bouquet of sunflowers you just bought and turn on your heels immediately, making your way back to whatever place you find empty to take a deep breath and maybe vent out. Of course, not being aware that Jeongin saw you from the corner of his eye and with the intentions to find you as soon as he could.

Jeongin was moved, for sure. But he didn’t feel that way about her. He tried to be as careful and considered with her feelings, but had to tell her that, even though he was flattered, he couldn’t reciprocate those feelings. He didn’t say it out loud, but for a moment he wished it was you saying those words instead of her.

She understood it right away, and with a shy smile, apologies from him and a hug, she walked away. Jeongin rushed to the exit and almost ran in the direction where you walked too, making quick stops at the front of restaurants and shops, hoping he'd find you there.

His heart is beating fast, and he spends a few more minutes walking and running from side to side, earning stares from the people around him but he doesn't seem to give up on finding you.

He walks to a nearby park and just as he is about to pick up his phone and call you, he sees you sitting on one of the park benches, and gets closer from behind you when he realizes you are talking out loud.

It's easy for him to tell you were feeling down; the way your voice sounds already gives away that you were trying not to cry.

"...'i really like you'? And then what? What was I expecting? Of course he only sees me as a friend." You groan, covering your face with your hands out of frustration. "Now I have to pretend that him dating another person doesn't hurt me... If I were only a few seconds early... Would it have changed a thing?"

"If it makes you feel better, you weren't late." He simply says, walking around the bench to stand right in front of you.

The expression on your face was a poem as soon as you realized he was there; had he heard you complaining? Why was he even there, in the first place?

"Jeongin," You hesitated, feeling embarrassed. "H-how long have you been standing there?"

He sweetly smiles at you, "Long enough."

"Oh, uhm-"

"Can you say it again, please?" He pleads, and you immediately know what he's talking about.

Your whole feelings for him could be better explained in a lot of words, but right now all you need to say is simple. "Jeongin, I really like you."

Jeongin's smile becomes bigger, and you swear your heartbeats could be heard by him now. He extends his hand for you to take it, so you do, standing up and being closer to him. His hands carefully travel from your wrists to your shoulders, and he takes another small step so that you can feel his fresh breath against the skin of your lips, longing for a sweet kiss. "Y/N, I really like you too."

Finally, you hear those words you've been dreaming with for a while. You put your hands on his waist and get a few millimeters closer, feeling like you're on cloud 9 while being on his arms.

You're barely a few centimeters apart but Jeongin still asks: "Can I kiss you?"

"Yes," You nod. "Please."

Now with your eyes closed, he makes that last movement it was needed to make for your lips to finally meet. It's sweet; the velvety and tickling feeling making you feel butterflies in your stomach.

Jeongin is careful, subtly sliding his hands to the back of your neck and his lips slightly parting in an attempt to deepen the kiss. You quickly keep up with him, still slow and gentle.

You both pull apart as the seconds pass, recovering from the dizziness in your heads as you two experienced something you've been yearning, so intimate and significant. Your smiles adorn your flushed faces and the tips of your noses brush against each other.

Jeongin moves his hands to embrace you and leave more kisses on your cheeks, losing all sorrow and just letting the happiness act for him.

"Oh." He murmurs and you separate from him. "You got those for me?"

You turn on your feet to look at the abandoned sunflowers on the bench and you chuckle, picking them up and extending them out for him. "I did. You like them?"

Jeongin takes them with another shy smile, "I love them. Thank you."

"You used to say that if someone were to ask you out someday, you'd want them to give you sunflowers, so... I had to."

"That was years ago, how did you even remember that?"

"I set that as a reminder for the time I gathered up the courage to ask you out," You simply say and take his free hand. "So now I am taking you out. Shall we?"

Jeongin giggles and leaves a quick kiss on your lips. "Yes, let's do that."

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | Drabble 5

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Another little drabble! It's hard to give this couple up 🥺 this is also a scene that was basically deleted from the main series, so it's been given a time jump! I didn't want people to think it was a cliche moment (it kinda is) but...I think this gives some good clarity on how the MC has grown! Unedited as on mobile.

-

"Do you think your mom will like this?" You query, brows farrowing together as you turn the elegantly decorated plant pot around in your hands. It would match her current living room decor and she loved gardening.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah...why?" Hoseok asks with a distracted tone, his attention grabbed with the collection of fake plants. The two of you had come to a home decoration store as you wanted to redecorate your bedroom. He wasn't hugely interested in how it was done and you were pretty sure that he was here just to spend time with you.

Which was sweet and you loved that he was content to just be with you, but he wasn't being very helpful right now.

"...her birthday? It's next week, we're taking her out for dinner, remember?" He pauses for a moment before his lips turn into a circle.

"Oh yeah, shit. I need to book the table for that." Before you can say anything else, he's pulling out his phone and tapping away on it.

Sighing, you place the pot into the cart and begin to look with an eye for your bedroom. You wanted to inject more plants into the house but Kasumi just tried to eat real ones, so you were stuck with fake plants.

"How about C'est Bonne? Wait no, she doesn't like French food. Hmmm, Italian feels boring though. Do you think she'd like Thai, I think that'd be alright." Hoseok is muttering to himself as he scrolls and you smile affectionately.

To say he'd completely forgotten, you weren't surprised that he was throwing himself into it now.

"Hoseok?" For a moment, neither of you respond. You, because it wasn't your name and so you weren't conditioned to respond to it, and Hoseok because it wasn't your voice.

His head jerked up in confusion, gaze going to you first before looking around. The voice calls again from your left and you turn to see who it is, wondering who was calling out your husband's name.

What you didn't expect is for Hoseok's face to open in surprise, shocked recognition taking over his expression. Like, real shock and you're even more confused and intrigued.

"Yoona?" He asks, his tone slightly unsure and you realise it's obviously someone he once knew. You've heard him mention the name at some point, but you can't remember why you know it.

"It is you! Oh my god, it's so good to see you. How long has it been?" The woman in question, Yoona, smiles brightly and you observe that she's pretty. Very pretty with the kind of hair you see in commercials.

She's wearing plain black jeans that conform to her legs alongside a subtly flowered shirt. Her black pea coat tops it off with a matching deep purple scarf and beanie to cope with the colder weather.

"Err...a while." Hoseok laughs, his hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck and you recognise the awkward movement. He's a little uncomfortable and your stomach turns as you wonder if this is one of his hook ups.

Surprisingly, you'd never met one of them given how prolific he'd been. Though you did wonder how many of them had also been drunk and probably didn't remember him at all.

Still, you feel the urge to comfort him and move closer, resting your hand on his back in assurance. He straightens a little at the touch before relaxing into you, his arm coming to wrap around your shoulder and hugging you into him a little more strongly than you'd anticipated.

"Oh, Meeps this is Yoona, the girl in college who got me to sort my shit out?" Hoseok's brows rise as his voice turns dry before he looks back at Yoona. "This is Y/N, my wife."

Her eyes flick over to you and surprisingly enough, she doesn't give you a once over. You almost expected her to view you as some kind of threat or rival, but the reassuring smile she gives makes you realise how silly that would be.

"Really? Oh my god, Hoseok! I'm so happy for you, and for you, Y/N! I always knew he had the makings of a good partner, even if he couldn't see it. I'm glad you finally took my advice." Yoona says before reaching out to shake your hand politely.

Surprisingly, it's not nearly as awkward as you'd think to meet one of your husband's ex-flings. Especially one who'd had such an influence on his life.

"Erm, thank you. Hoseok's talk about you sometimes, thank you for helping him back then." You say shyly, feeling your stomach twist uncertainly as you take your hand back and play with your fingers.

Just like he always has, Hoseok instinctively knows when you're not comfortable and he reaches for one of your hands. 

"I've told her lots of things over the years," He grins before kissing your forehead. "My therapy was very good, I promise."

That's directed to Yoona who laughs sweetly and nods in appreciation.

"Good, good, I'm glad. Anyway, I've got to be going but...it was nice to see you! And I'm really happy that you've found someone. I'd love to get to know you better but I'm sure you're amazing. Gotta be to have captured this guy's attention." She smiles and gestures towards you, causing you to feel hot with embarrassment.

"Erm, thank you." You mutter, unsure of how to react. But you're surprisingly okay with her and don't feel any form of threat, even with her important history with Hoseok. It was clear there were no feelings between either of them and you genuinely felt that she was a good person.

Before either of you could say anything else, she said her goodbyes and headed towards the cashiers at the front of the store. There was a brief moment of silence as you both tried to compute what had happened and Hoseok recovered quicker than you did.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, his words laced with concern that matched the worry in his eyes. You knew why he was feeling like that - Yoona was beautiful, once upon a time he'd slept with her and she'd helped him realise how to move forward. Or at least take the steps there.

If this had happened in the first year of your relationship then you probably would feel disconcerted, unsure what to think about this blast from his past. But you weren't that girl anymore, and whilst you still had your anxieties, you had full and complete faith in Hoseok.

Plus, he'd been as blindsided by her as you were. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was nice to finally meet the famous Yoona, she seemed nice." You comment, slipping your arm through his and leaning against him as you both walked towards the bedroom section. Bring so close to him meant that you could practically feel him relax at your words.

"Good, good. I didn't...well I didn't know what to think, really. I was worried you'd be upset or something." Hoseok admits, trailing his hand down your coat sleeve until he can grasp your fingers between his own.

"No, I know all about your history and it was only a matter of time before we met someone. And like I said, she was sweet." There's still some uneasiness in his demeanour though and you squeeze his hand before gently poking the back of it with a finger.

The movement makes him smile and you feel relief at him looking a little happier.

"Seriously, I'm okay. Are you okay?" It was probably a big thing to accidentally meet up with such an important fling, but but could understand why he wasn't comfortable with it all.

That was a part of his past that he wasn't entirely happy with colliding with his very happy present. So you just held on to him as he worked through his feelings.

"Yeah...yeah I am. It was just weird to see her, you know? Never expected that." He let's his free hand trail over a soft, velvet cushion idly and you hum in contemplation.

"I get it. But don't fret over it, okay? I'm fine with it all and...well, it was nice to meet the woman who helped to bring the Hoseok I know to life. Or at least, started the process. Without her, we wouldn't be here."

Hoseok is silent as he considers that, his lips twisting before he licks at his lip ring and nods.

"Yeah, you're right. She's the one part of my past that I'm okay with you seeing in person. I should've thanked her…" Muttering, he sighs before shrugging with a lopsided smile.

"Oh well, let's carry on shopping. Your decorations await! And I need to finish booking that table...I'm actually thinking of maybe trying that Lebanese place…"

[eureka-its-zico]

Irrevocably Yours Pt. 2

Part 1 

Request: hey! can i request a scenario of jungkook being a rich kid who has some of his legs is leg failure , basically can't walk without a cane , And he falls in love with a normal girl , and they end up running away , happy ending plz , also if u can , LIT IT Up with smut ' thank u ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

A/N: So Part 2 is that slow burn build up (with possible cute moments?) and part 3 will be the actual SMUTTY goodness. Hopefully this is something cute and fluffy that is enjoyable and helps progress the story a little more so when a full length next part of a bunch of smut comes it all makes sense. Or idk anymore lol I edited this thing four times and I just really hope you all like it  Please enjoy this wordy mess. I wasn’t sure how to properly write it out the end and yeah...I winged it. If it needs to be fixed lmk please!! As always, I hope you all enjoy. Much love, Jenn

P.s. when I wrote this I listened to Lauv’s “I Like Me Better,” and Pink Sweat$ Feat. Kehlani’s “At My Worst,” on repeat like crazy.

Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 15,496 (I know:it’s a hefty boy)

Genre: Fluffy/Smutty, slow burn, 

The next day at school you weren’t a hundred percent sure what was going to happen. And sure, maybe you did wake up from a dream replaying that moment in the mud. The ending is a little bit different. This time, dream you didn’t let your chance to kiss him go by. When the opportunity presented itself, and you were both looking at one another like before, you’d leaned forward and kissed him. You weren’t surprised to feel him kissing you back. 

You could still feel the ghost of the imagination of him leaning down to press his lips against yours. The way he leaned in; eyes soft with longing as his body leaned deeper in against you. The weight of him pressing you into the mud until you were sure an imprint of this moment would be there forever. This imaginary kiss you’d shared was sweet, chaste, and everything you could’ve hoped for. Deepening at the last second as your alarm blared you back into realty. 

It made you want to ring your hands through your hair in frustration. 

Your whole walk to school was nothing but foggy images of the dream on repeat. A mixture of yesterday’s events accompanied them with each frame until you weren’t sure which was the actual moments or what your head had created. I mean, you did know he didn’t kiss you, but...the look in his eyes. Maybe Jungkook hadn’t, but there was that moment you swore maybe he felt the painful comedic romance moment of it all too. 

All these unanswered what if’s you'd created had built an impossible chasm that seemed to stretch infinitely wider between you in your head. In the end, you were your own bully as your mind stayed up until three that morning playing out every scenario you could think of. Even the ones that ended with you probably reading everything wrong, because what did you know about body language? Or, more specifically, boys built like Jeon Jungkook.

It didn’t matter that you had two tests today and never finished your homework for home period, but what the hell. Nothing like hopelessly daydreaming about the boy who may or may not have flirted with you and harmonized along to songs with a hidden voice of an angel, am I right? And sure, a large part of your night was  spent chastising yourself half the time to remind you there was no way in hell Jungkook could feel that way towards you. Even just a little. Your inner monologue of bringing yourself back down to earth, another culprit in the growing list of reasons why none of your assignments were completed. 

What can you say? You were a mess.

Your only game plan you’d been able to agree on was just to daydream out the window. Writing out your own hapless love story starring the boy who sat across from you in the home room. With a silent plea to the universe that you weren’t called on to answer any questions. 

Your arrival at homeroom was met with barely seconds to spare. The bell rang behind you, and a few other students, as you rushed towards your desk. 

“Hurry, hurry to your seats! Or I’ll write you up as late!”

Mr. Choi was all talk. Everyone knew it and his excessive arm movements to rush every body that passed his desk made him look exactly like a conductor. His crazy movements were enough to distract you for a split second from the one person you were desperate to ignore. 

“Good morning, class. I hope you are all fully rested and awake for class this morning. Let’s have us open our books to page two hundred and forty-two and continue on with our lesson.” 

In unison the sound of backpacks unzipping with students reaching in their backpacks to bring out textbooks filled the class. The only person who didn’t currently have said book was holding his hand up, and seated directly across from you. 

“Yes, Jungkook?”

“Seonsaengnim, I’m sorry. I haven’t received my textbooks yet.”

“Ah, that’s alright, Jungkook. You can go ahead and share with Y/N, again.”

You hoped your face wasn’t giving away the panic you felt rising up to match the blush that was streaking across your cheeks. Jungkook’s hand was already on the leg of your desk. His fingers tips grazing across your knee in passing as his hand wrapped around the bar and used it to bring you closer to him. You kept your eyes glued to page two hundred and forty-three and refused to look in his direction. Jungkook seemed to find a way to remedy this; his hand came into view and grabbed hold of the book corner and slid it over to his side. And as if he was the world’s greatest magician, he now had your attention. 

Your eyes immediately shoot up to acknowledge his presence, instead of staying on the book. You knew that devilish smirk of his would be there to greet you even before you actually saw it. 

“Well, good morning to you too, Y/N.”

His voice practically hummed a tune as he spoke. His eyes heavily searched your face, and you prayed whatever he found wasn’t any lasting signs of rosy cheeks. 

“Good morning, Jungkook. I hope you slept well.”

“I slept very well, thank you.”

“That’s good-“

He cut you off fast, his next words a hush of teasing: “Even though some crazy girl tried to smother me in mud yesterday.” 

Your world narrowed in on his smug position in his chair, but quickly realized he just wanted your attention. The smile he wore softened around the edges as his eyes tried to look away from you and yet found their way back. You did your best to hide your smile and must have failed miserably for his face noticeably brightened. 

“I’m sure if that’s what she was doing - which I doubt - you probably deserved it.” 

Jungkook pretended to be wounded and caused you to practically jump out of your seat when his free hand landed on top of yours. 

“I can’t believe you think I deserve to be smothered,” he pouted. 

You rolled your eyes in a weak attempt to look away from him. Anything to not be swallowed up by how stupidly cute he looked in this exact moment. The fingers that held your pencil lazily tapping on the pages of the math book to bring his focus to something else that wasn’t you. 

“We need to pay attention.”

It was the only valuable excuse you could come up with to look away from him. But who were you kidding? You didn’t have to be looking in Jungkook’s direction to be painfully aware that he was there. His own gaze burned straight through you and left a trail of heat everywhere his eyes seemed to land. 

Right now, you were aware they were on your lips and stirring every emotion from your dream you tried to suppress. Plus, you weren’t being cute. Unless Jungkook found the sight of you chewing your bottom lip into dust attractive. 

It was a terrible nervous habit that seemed to only backfire right this second. You were sure he was ready to make a comment on it. You waited patiently for it to come in between you mindlessly copying equations off the board and the sea of arms flying up to answer whatever it was you’d just written. My gosh, you were trying so damn hard to not pay attention that you were doing nothing but paying attention to him. 

Please don’t let him just see I’m doodling. 

Mr. Choi was in the middle of showing how to work out a long equation when you decided it was safe to give Jungkook a glance. It was instantaneous how quickly you regretted it. 

You jumped back against your seat in a weak attempt to recover some space. You weren’t exactly sure how you’d missed it -missed him- getting so close, but you had. Jungkook’s face was mere inches from yours and it took everything to not show him you weren’t at all bothered. 

“Jungkook,” you whispered fiercely. “What.are.you.doing!”

Jungkook ignored your question. His eyes squinting as they looked around the side of your head. The gesture made you increasingly subconscious until you couldn’t keep your hand from going up to brush alongside it. 

“What? What is it?”

You were expecting the worst. 

“I think I see some mud still stuck inside your ear.”

And like magic your earlier blush reappeared. Your tongue rolled against the bottom of your teeth in a weak attempt to keep yourself from smiling. Unfortunately, you weren’t able to stop it as the urge to give in tugged mercilessly at your lips. The playful glint in his eyes was enough to keep the panic of how incredibly close he still was. Your eyes hopelessly glancing at the pair of lips that plagued your dreams. 

Jungkook noticed. 

And how did you know this, you might ask? 

Jungkook gave it away by the dramatic way his lower lip was drawn in by his teeth. Every movement he made sure was exaggerated and stupidly slow. His eyes watch for your reaction. He didn’t have to wait long; your eyes were glued to them long before his teeth joined the equation. You should’ve felt more embarrassed at your own blunt display - or maybe at his -but, god help you, you weren’t. 

You tore your gaze away from him and did your best to pretend whatever part of the lesson you’d missed was interesting. The dirt on your shoes could’ve been more interesting at this moment; anything to keep you from looking back at him. 

“I rinsed my hair three times in the shower. Thank you very much.” 

“Did you think of me while you were washing yourself clean?”

If what Jungkook was after was seeing your face light up brighter than a tomato he’d succeeded. Your cheeks instantly flushed and felt scolding hot. The only line of defense you could think of to fight the devilish look in his eyes was to give him a smack on his arm. The motion only caused his sinister smile to turn into a full blown grin; a bark of laughter leaving him seconds later. 

Jungkook chuckled out an, “Ouch!” His body leaning back, faux wounded, and rays of sunshine pouring out of him in waves. 

“I meant when you were getting the mud out of your hair.” His voice carried the singing sweetness of his laughter; airy and light. This boy who you did think of in the shower. All hard edges and softness; sour and sweet. Your very own sour patch kid. “I mean, I thought of you when I tried scrubbing it out from behind my ears.”

Your heart gave a brief jump at his omission. What you wished you would’ve focused on was the fact he’d admitted to thinking of you...in his own shower. But nope! Instead, your mind appeared to focus more on the fact it was while he scrubbed at his ears. 

“I scrubbed my ears too.”

Oh. My. God, you inwardly cringed. 

Is that really what your magical brain decided to say in return? Jungkook leaned back in, eyes inspecting not just your ear, but your entire space. Recklessly moving in dangerously close, and your heart was ready to beg for mercy. Whether to completely close the space between you or to stop teasing, of which you weren’t sure. 

“It appears you didn’t do that good of a job,” he huffed.

A gurgled scream flew into your throat; the sound was utterly ridiculous and Jungkook ate it up. His head flew back in laughter as your hand moved to swat at him again. 

The disruption turned the attention of your teacher directly to the two of you, and Mr. Choi was quick to address it. 

“Jean Jungkook! Y/L/N, Y/N!”

The both of you rose from your seats in unison. Jungkook’s rise the definition of graceful, while yours in comparison was met with anxiety and your knees colliding with your desk. Your small “Oomph,” of pain sending him into a fit of giggles beside you. The hand you sent in to pinch at his leg only sent him into another fit. 

“Y/N!”

Stupid, stupid! Of course he would see.

“Seonsaengnim!”

To appease him, you felt your body respond in a ninety-degree salute. Your face keeping down to stare at your shoes and praying you weren’t about to be sent out of the room. 

“Would you mind explaining what Jungkook and you found so interesting that the two of you felt like you didn’t need to be a part of class.”

God, it wasn’t a question. He really wanted you to tell him, and what could you say? 

“Oh, he was just asking me if I was in the shower...thinking of him. And he was thinking of me too!”

Which wasn't a lie. Maybe it wasn’t as dirty as he might have intended, but it was enough to make your cheeks flush to life with their usual color these days. Your mind was still racing with an appropriate answer for Mr. Choi. You were taking so long you were ready to blurt out anything he might want to hear. 

“Seonsaengnim.” Jungkook gave a respectful bow and lifted his head. His full attention now resting on the impatiently waiting man at the front of the class. “We were discussing the fact that you, respectfully, have written the equation wrong on the board.” 

The entire class seized up. A collective air was taken at Jungkook’s bold attempt to correct him. It was awkwardly obvious that he wasn’t happy at the idea of being corrected. However, Jungkook remained unfazed and waited for the right time to speak. 

“Is that so?” He snapped. “If it is so wrong, Jeon, then please, come and fix it for me.”

You were sure his order for Jungkook to go to the front would make him back down . No one enjoyed doing class work on the board up front for all to see. But you’d forgotten Jungkook wasn’t like everyone else. He kept his head high and moved to grab his cane; his hand wrapping tightly to its handle. Jungkook stepped out from inside his desk and let his feet carry him forward. He walked with a noticeable lack of a limp and you were willing to bet that strike of pride was costing him. 

It wasn’t that you couldn’t believe that Jungkook was able to walk without it. It was just that your memory forced you to recall the pain he was in during the field trip. The flashes of frustration as his eyes threatened to spill over with tears. 

Jungkook came to stand beside Mr. Choi. His hand reaching out to take the marker that the older man had held out waiting for him to prove his equation wrong. He plucked it from the older man’s hand and moved the last few inches to stand in front of the board. His eyes scanning the problem quickly. Your breath held tight in your chest as you watched him get permission to grab the eraser. The class transfixed on his every movement.

You wondered how many of the girls in your class focused on him like you were. The same way your eyes ate up every simple movement he made. The notable flex of his back while he stretched to erase the middle and last part of what Mr. Choi had written out. 

“You had a good start here, Seonsaengnim.” Jungkook paused to stretch out his hand. Fingers marking underneath the start of the problem. “But you didn’t multiply these after they were divided, and because of this the middle became wrong. With your core of the problem being wrong the solution was never able to end in its final conclusion.”

With every word, Jungkook’s voice became more self-assured. His presence enveloping the room and demanding the attention he’d already received without question. Mr. Choi watched on with his arms crossed; index finger hugging his mouth in concentration as he watched Jungkook work. From the back of the class, you could see students writing down the new formula. Some of them realized the obvious error Mr. Choi had made. 

Jungkook looked at the problem over again on repeat. If it’d been you, you would have left it where it was knowing you’d done what no one else did. But Jungkook wanted to know, for himself, that it was correct. 

Finally, he stepped back from the whiteboard and handed the marker back to Mr. Choi. Who looked measurably impressed with him. His index finger he’d used for thinking now covered up a timid smile before he dropped it to grab a hold of the marker. 

“Go ahead and have a seat, Jungkook.”

Jungkook gave him a passing bow as he made his way back towards the back of the class. Back to you. It took everything you had not to notice how everyone’s view of him seemed to change. Even the honor students; the ones bound for scholarship glory to prestigious colleges now seemed to take new interest in him. 

You’d heard stories about Jungkook, like everyone else did. The Boy Wonder. The boy who seemed unfairly good at everything. Before you’d ever met him, a part of you believed there wasn’t a way the universe would seriously do that. And yet, as he moved to sit back down beside you, you suddenly felt the overwhelming sensation of being below average. Your subconscious rose up to stop whatever sunlight you’d felt at his earlier words, and crushed it until it began to dim. All but snuffing it out. 

Jungkook fell back into the seat at his desk riding the high of confidence he’d gained from proving he’d know how to fix the answer. Not just know it; teach it. The air around him completely changed. He was the sun and the rest of you were becoming helplessly lost in his orbit. From the backwards glances of the others around you, you were pretty sure they weren’t going to mind one bit. 

Either Jungkook was honestly oblivious to all the attention or he just didn’t care. He practically beamed as he leaned himself closer to you completely unaware at how breathless he made you. That smile you’d admired during your field trip showed itself beaming and bright. He was so damn pleased with himself his eyes sparked with joy and you wish you could’ve pouted. Maybe found the strength not to care or to wonder if he could see how he affected you. 

You wanted to pout and be in your own bubble, damn it. 

“Don’t worry, Y/N. I don’t think he’ll bother us again.”

Us. 

Those butterflies you’d sworn to yourself you were not feeling towards him began to come to life. Or were they butterflies? You weren’t sure what to call the feeling Jungkook gave you. 

Sure, Jungkook made your heart thunder in your chest like a caged animal. And yea, maybe you swore to yourself there was an attraction there that you couldn’t explain, but that was just your dopamine talking. That didn’t mean the two of you were soulmates or the universe decided to bring you both together by a mess of unseen choices. 

But...when Jungkook looked at you this way it was hard to tell your thundering heart anything else. 

The two of you continued to look at one another. A heartbeat of time passing between you with Jungkook waiting for your reply. You watched the edges of his smile start to wilt as realization set in that you weren’t planning to  reply. No smile or teasing remark was headed his way, and just as fast as he noticed it, determination swiftly replaced the light weighted joy he’d shown moments earlier. 

“Hey, you don’t have to worry. I’m positive he will leave us alone the rest of the class. I promise.”

God, why did he have to make things so difficult? When Jungkook spoke the words, “I promise,” they’d been so earnest. He meant them. Here he was trying to turn the tables and be your knight, instead of you being his. It would have worked, but what he didn’t know was that you weren’t worried about Mr. Choi. Not really. 

No one could tear you down further than you were able to do to yourself. 

He was still waiting for the answer that you would never give. You turned to face forward in your chair and tried to forget the ripple of sadness that moved over his face. The cost of your stubbornness suddenly felt too high. No matter how it made you feel though, you refused to look over in his direction. 

An awkward chasm had built between the two of you. Mostly, well, obviously it was all because of you. You figured Jungkook would eventually stop looking at you. You prayed he would stop. Every time he did it your body became painfully aware of his gaze, and the longing it held for you to acknowledge him. And every time you remained facing front. You no longer could pretend to focus, however, and that seemed to be all the signs Jungkook needed to know you were in some way paying attention.

Your notebook that’d been left unattended on the desk became his private art museum. The doodles started off silly and slowly morphed into small faces and objects that held impressive detail. You tried your best to ignore it; his arm practically took up most of the space on your desk. The angle forced him to shoulder into your space to the point that if you did finally turn to look at him you’d run inches away from his cheek. 

You were doing your best to pay attention to whatever your teacher was doing at the front. Your eyes watched as a wave of hands went up to answer questions you’d never heard. Yours kept sliding back down to the latest doodle he was making. The latest one he was working on had forced Jungkook to move further inland on your notepad. His forearm getting dangerously close to having to rest in your lap. 

It continued like this the remainder of class. For all the effort you’d put in the last half hour of pretending he wasn’t there, Jungkook shattered it within seconds. 

He’d repositioned himself with each new doodle he started. His shoulder wedged itself against yours and his forearm had completely taken up what little space was left on your desk. You were trying very hard to not pay attention to how said forearm was dangerously close to your chest. There was no hiding the redness of your cheeks. 

Without thinking, you whipped your head to look at him and almost yelled. You knew he was close, but nothing prepared you for this.

“Excuse me,” you whispered, voice incredulous. 

Jungkook turned to look at you and...was he pouting? His eyes played up on the childish quality as he turned to you and batted his eyes.

“Can I help you?”

“Ugh, can I help you? Do you need paper or something?”

“I have paper right here. Thanks.”

Jungkook patted the notepad with the end of his pen. Satisfied with his answer he turned his attention back to his latest artistic endeavor. 

“You know this is my desk. Right?”

“I like to think of it more like our desk. Sharing a space like we shared music.”

“Ya, Jungkook. You realize you blackmailed me into using my ipod.”

Jungkook feigned shock. His mouth dropping open and his eyes brows going too high up into his hairline. The entire scene was exaggerated and ridiculous. The scene forced you to roll your lips against your teeth to keep from smiling. The effort it took to hide your grin wasn’t unnoticed by Jungkook, and you couldn’t help but wonder if that’d been his goal all along. 

“Blackmail sounds so crass. I like to think of it as bargaining.”

“So we agree it’s called blackmail, then.” 

The theatrics of his face dropped into a serious stare that left his face completely blank. Void of all emotion except the annoyance that drew a heavy frown from his face. It was stupidly cute and this time you did allow yourself to smile. Your fingers reached out to grab one of his puffed out cheeks and gave it a sweet pinch, like a grandmother, and cooed in his direction. 

“Oooooh Jungkookie, don’t frown. We’ve all gotta be wrong sometimes.” 

He playfully nipped at your hand to make you snatch it away. It took everything in you not to make a sound at his sudden movement. Your mouth hung open in an awkward smile-shout as you brought your handle against your chest. 

“I think you’re misinterpreting the facts here. Maybe you hit your head on a small pebble or something when you fell in the mud.”

“You mean when you pulled me in.”

He shrugged and replied nonchalantly, “I don’t think I recall any force being used yesterday. You just fell on my chest trying to take advantage of me in my time of need.”

Now it was your turn to look deadpanned in his direction. Jungkook didn’t try to hide his wicked smile, however, and the cage of butterflies that were housed in your gut were released all over again. 

“Your appa must be a lawyer. It’d explain why you’re so good at bullshitting.”

“CEO, actually. But I would say you’re close. They are also full of shit.” 

You weren’t sure what to say to this omission about his father. Underneath the sarcasm felt like a heavy chasm that spoke of the death of a relationship. Your curiosity threatened to get the best of you, but you decided to just throw it away. Filing it away inside a little folder you’d made for little known facts about him. 

The bell rang and the mass of bodies in class all began to rise from their seats. All of them eager to rush from the classroom and do whatever plans they’d made to enjoy their little bit of freedom. You were reaching for your bookbag when Jungkook’s hand was just there. A part of you worried he’d decided to play a game of keep away, or something that fit his playful mood, Instead, he placed it down on the desk. 

“Oh, thank you, Jungkook.”

God. Why were you staring? Why was he staring?

The room was still filled with the small display of chaotic teenage energy. Most of them had already filed out of the classroom, while some were still putting things away. Honor students were arguing with the teacher about markings he’d left on papers. Small groups of friends chatting happily as they moved in tight clusters through the door. So much was going on around you, and yet the only person you were aware of was him. 

“You’re welcome. Have a good lunch, Y/N.”

The playful air that’d been around him had completely disappeared. This boy who stood before you now was more reminiscent of when you’d first met than the boy you’d grown to like. What had made him grow so distant?

“You too, Kookie.”

It slipped out. You couldn’t stop yourself. He’d already started to walk away in his retreat. As soon as his pet name you’d given him hit his ears he completely stopped moving. His head whipped around to glance at you with that devilish grin raised high on his cheeks. 

“Kookie? Are you calling me a snack?”

If your eyes could’ve gotten any wider, they would’ve left your skull. The embarrassment was hot on your cheeks and you knew Jungkook would tease you without mercy for the slip up. By the look in his eyes you could tell he was never going to let this go. Not ever. He would be too happy to remind you of this until the day you died. Or until graduation. Whichever came first.

This time you scooped up your bookbag and snatched your book off the desk clutching them to your chest. In your haste to grab them and go, your knee collided with the edge of the desk, but you’d worry about that possible bruise later. You just needed to flee before Jungkook got any closer. 

“No, no. It was an accident.”

“You called me a snack by accident?”

You were backing up towards the safety of the open hallway. Your shoulders shrugging too high and your laugh too high-pitched in your attempt to play it cool.

“No snack nicknames here. It was just a slip of the tongue. I must just be hungry, ya know.”

“Are you hungry for me?”

Oh, he was intolerable sometimes. It didn’t matter how flustered he made you. A part of you knew his endless teasing was growing on you. You liked it, and the sane part of you wondered if you’d gone crazy. 

“Ya, Jungkook-”

“I think you mean, Kookie,” he cut in. 

Jungkook held a single finger up to silence you. He’d stopped moving towards you and let out a laugh as you tried to swat his hand down. He looked so much happier than he did moments ago. That alone made his teasing at your expense worth it. 

“No I mean, Jungkook. It’s the name your parents gave you.” You stated, proud that your voice sounded more stable than you felt. “I’m gonna go eat my lunch now. You should do the same and I’ll...see you later.”

You waited for him to argue. To continue to make comments in passing to keep your face rosy and flushed. He surprised you by just standing there in silence. His smile wide on his face and eyes looking at you like you’d held the moon. A look you weren’t used to and made you unsure how to respond. 

You started to walk back towards the door and found yourself disappointed when he didn’t follow. You sent him an awkward wave as your arms still held onto your things from your desk. Jungkook showed his amusement by giving you a wave in return.

“See you later, Y/N.”

At his words you turned on your heel and headed out towards the courtyard. No longer eager to eat your lunch that you’d packed. Your mind replayed his words and knew, without a doubt, he would keep his word.

—————-

Lunch went by as quickly as it came. Instead of eating your lunch with friends, you’d opted for sulking in the auditorium. Absentmindedly taking small bits off your food as you considered what had happened between Jungkook and you. 

There was flirting there. You may be a little delusional, but you weren’t delusional about this. It was obvious to anyone who witnessed it and yet you tried to deny its existence at every turn.  Of course, you knew why. 

It just didn’t make logical sense. You were two opposites that shouldn’t be in the least bit interested in the other. Well, that didn’t really seem correct when it came to Jungkook. He was attractive to everyone and probably even inanimate objects. But you...you just couldn’t see yourself that way. You’d only ever had one relationship in your life and it had been short-lived and in the third grade. 

Throwing what little was left of your sandwich back inside it’s little brown coffin, you removed yourself from your spot. A huff left you as you reached out to pick up your mess and started to hop back down the steps one-by-one. 

You weren’t sure what walking around was going to do. For the hundredth time since this day started, you were lost in your own head. The only thing you knew for certain was that you’d hoped to run into him again. A thought came to you that maybe, just this day, he’d shown up in the school's cafeteria. 

You could think of a million excuses for why you’d need to go into the cafeteria and it wouldn’t be weird. Just the thought of not coming off weird, while most certainly being weird, made you beam at your own creativity. 

You’d reached the last step and we’re crossing the field when you noticed, on the other side, the very boy you were looking for. He was alone and sitting under the shade of the only tree next to the amphitheater. His back against the bark and a knee drawn up to give his notepad a place to perch. Whatever he was writing, drawing, or formulating held his interest and refused to let him look up. 

All your previous bravado deflated in a second. It would be harder to deny you weren’t actively seeking him out if you went to him now. But, who said that you wanted too? 

Grabbing the strap of your book bag tight, you started back on your mission. Your legs made quick work across the field. It wasn’t until there was only a few feet left between you that he looked up. His brow still furrowed in tight creases of concentration as he decided if you were a friend or foe. Your feet almost tripped over themselves when he smiled at you. 

“Y/N!” He called happily. “What brings you over here?”

“I came looking for my snack.”

The surprise on his face made your bold choice of a response worth it. Jungkook, being who he was, quickly recovered and set his notebook and pencil down beside him. He placed his arms casually on his propped up leg and leaned forward as if he was about to tell you a secret. 

“Well, you found me. Why did you come looking for me? Really.”

You tried to think quickly of what to say. The idea of telling him the truth, that you’d just wanted to see him, felt painfully honest and might press him to ask for you to explain. How could you explain that in the short time you’d met him he was both the most interesting and infuriating man you’d ever met. But he was also the most beautiful, and had a delicate softness under his hard exterior that you were growing to love. He was basically the perfect description of the onion from Shrek. 

An idea clicked in your head and your hands quickly moved inside your bag and produced another brown bag. 

“I wanted to come see if you’d eaten. I had some spare kimchi rice ball’s my omma made.”

You extended the bag out to him. Your eyes locked together as you waited for him to either accept it or deny it. Jungkook surprised you by leaning forward and taking it gently from you. It took some effort, but he crossed his legs -his bad one in an awkward position - and plopped the bag down between his legs. 

You moved to sit beside him in the grass and took your book bag off your shoulder and into your lap. You watched as he moved to open the bag and peered cautiously inside. 

“It’s not a bomb,” you chided. 

“I never know with you.”

You rolled your eyes with a smile spreading like wildfire across your lips. Jungkook was so charismatic it felt inevitable and fighting against it was futile. He took a large bite of the rice ball and practically swooned. His eyes had fallen shut and a ridiculous chanting of endless “Mhm’s” had started rising up around you. 

“Should I leave you two alone?”

Jungkook’s eyes snapped open and for a moment you were worried maybe you did pull him out of some weird food ritual. His eyes were blank and then, all at once, he was back to being his usual animated self. The hand that held the rice ball shaking in your direction before shoving what was left inside his mouth. 

“This is unbelievably delicious.” He mumbled around his food. “You said your omma made these?”

“Yup!”

You’d said it in English just to dramatically pop the P at the end. Extending out your own kind of dramatics to match Jungkook’s. You leaned your hands back into the grass and noticed Jungkook watch your every move as you did. 

“Is your omma married?”

Your face fell into a deadpan stare as you replied, “Seriously? Of course her and my appa are still married, you creep.”

“If you can cook like your omma, Y/N I’m willing to lend you my amazing tutoring services. All for the low price of making things as delicious as this.”

He was already mid-way through shoving the second rice ball in his mouth. His head tilted back to drop it down. A piece of rice must have dislodged itself from its balled shape, because he erupted in a coughing fit. You couldn’t help but laugh as you handed him your water. 

“I think I’ll steer clear of rice treats. Just to make sure you don’t kill yourself.”

Jungkook was about to lift the bottle up to his lips and stopped. His eyes falling on you with a playful glare. You held your hands up in mock surrender as you leaned forward. Your hands clap together to get pieces of grass and soil from your hands. 

While he drank the water you’d offered up the two of you fell into companionable silence. You didn’t mind waiting and Jungkook was happy that you did. When he’d finished with the bottle, he set it down beside him. His hand moving like a flopping fish in your direction to make you give him something that you’d had no idea he’d asked for. 

“Come on. Let’s see your math homework.” 

“For what?”

“To start your tutoring. Duh.”

You hated how cute he’d made the word sound. The way his lips smiled around it and left him beaming at you like a little kid on Christmas. 

“Can we pass? We just left the class and I hate math. A lot.”

Jungkook tsked you but didn’t look disappointed. 

“You can’t get better at something if you give up on it. Luckily for you, you’ve got the best person in the subject to tutor you.”

“For a fee,” you pointed out. 

“All the best things come with a price. I’m most definitely one of them. Now. Book.”

His hand movements were more controlled now. His fingers simply waved once -twice- for you to hurry it up and place what he’d asked in his hand. You really didn’t want any part of this. The thought was sweet, but when you said you hated math you meant it. So yeah, maybe you were grumbling a little as you reached inside your book bag and taking a little longer than was necessary to hand it over. 

Jungkook took it from you in one smooth motion and had it open to the spot previously in class. All your homework problems you’d left unfinished glaring against the white of the page. His eyes were already scanning over what little problems you’d written down. A clicking noise from his closed mouth reminding you why exactly you hadn’t finished more of it. The reason was sitting right in front of you. 

His hand flicked back out and he held it open. His eyes never lifted off the page as he demanded, “Pencil.”

“What the heck? Why am I supplying everything.”

“Cause I’m supplying myself,” he shot back. His hands taking the pencil you handed over to him. “Plus, I also can’t seem to find any in my bag.” 

“You didn’t even look.”

Jungkook gave a graceful shrug. His attention was fully engrossed in the problems. You weren’t ready for how cute he looked. How adorable those concentration creases in his forehead made him look, even deadly serious, with his fingers tapping the pencil absentmindedly on the paper. When he figured out what was missing from the equation he quickly erased and reconfigured everything on the page. 

You were staring intently at him, both because his angle’s were ridiculously handsome but also, the way the sun fell down on him here, peaking through the trees, felt like magic. It was hard to believe the universe was more than just molecules and that luck was thrown out randomly. If it was, maybe you’d caught some. 

Your thoughts were running wild and your concentration was no longer in the safe zone. Maybe that’s why when he finally looked up from the notebook and found you staring he’d smiled. Not his teasing one. Or the condescending either. This smile was soft like a secret, and directed only at you. \

“See something you like?”

His voice was gentle in his playfulness. As if he wanted to take the cautionary approach in case you were spooked. 

“Maybe I do.”

A smile of your own spread to match his and Jungkook wasn’t surprised. He was just happy, and it was a lovely sight to see. He looked away from you with his hand moving up to smooth out the hair on the back of his neck. He flicked the pencil down on the notebook and brought it forward for you to see. 

“Let’s get back to this. I’ll be honest with you. It’s pretty bad. You missed a whole line on the third problem that left you with an incomplete answer. Not to mention,” he lifted up the notebook and motioned towards the whole page, “Where is all the rest of the homework?”

Jungkook’s voice was filled with the beginnings of laughter. Not specifically towards you, but just the blatant fact you did not care. You gave him your best nonchalant shrug. In reality, you did care. It bothered you it wasn’t finished. 

Your fingers were digging in the grass and ripping some of it up and throwing it out into the field. 

“I had a hard time concentrating last night. Plus, if I’m being honest math has always been the hardest subject for me.”

“And that is why I’m going to help you.”

“For a fee,” you reminded him. 

“I’ll teach you the easiest way I know how to do these and I promise you, you’ll be flying through these problems in no time.”

The sincerity in his voice was evident. Jungkook really believed it and he wanted you to believe it too. You just couldn’t understand why and you found yourself speaking your mind. 

“Why are you wanting to help me?”

It was his turn to shrug his shoulders. His face went blank as he looked at you one last time before he looked away. Whatever he was looking at he wasn’t really seeing. He just needed someplace else to look than the person he was talking to you. You did it plenty of times yourself. 

Whatever he’d decided on to say had caused his shoulders to square. Determined that whatever he needed to say he would make sure it meant something. 

“I like spending time with you.”

The smile you’d worn completely shattered as you stared at him. The butterflies rushed up and up until they trapped themselves in your throat. Jungkook’s admission was basically three words dropped away from just saying he liked you. 

This surprising admission should’ve been enough to make yourself not care who you saw walking. Or care when he stopped, his small mob with him, and start gesturing at his imaginary watch. His fingers rubbing together for money owed. 

It was worse when Jungkook looked back and took notice. Even worse when he looked back at you with questions swirling in his eyes. 

“Everything okay?”

Your eyes looked down to the safety of your hands. The way they were helplessly fidgeting back in the grass and tearing it apart like a miniature tantrum was brewing inside you. You hated that after all this time, you let Lee Kwon upset you by making you feel embarrassed about your dad. That he felt the need to tell everyone the business deal between his father and yours. How every time he told it he’d turned him more and more into a villain of his own misfortune. 

Without a reason why you took back your notebook from Jungkook and shoved it inside your bag. You were ready to leave. You didn’t want to explain, but you knew Jungkook wouldn’t let you just leave without one. 

He reached out and his hand gently wrapped around your wrist to stop you. There was no force. Nothing that hinted that he would keep you there if you didn’t want to be kept. Looking at him felt harder. His genuine worry almost threatened to let the tears from your frustration spill forward. 

“Hey, Y/N, what’s wrong?”

You shook your head. Your vision dragging away from him and back to the retreating back of the sociopath, Lee Kwon. 

You didn’t try to shake him off. You actually felt comforted by his worrisome touch. The way he leaned in closer as if he would pull you into his arms at any moment. As much as you wanted that to happen, you knew it wouldn’t happen. A deep sigh had built up in your chest and you released it while you looked back at him. 

“Look. Eventually, I know you’re going to hear about it: my dad, I mean.”

“That’s kind of odd high school kids would talk about someone’s appa.”

“You and me both,” you agreed. “But Kwon’s dad is a banker who doesn’t believe in client confidentiality. So he tells his son about his day over dinner and-“

“And he decides to bring it to school to make your life miserable,” Jungkook finished for you. 

He understood and didn’t need you to simplify it anymore. His hand left your arm and you suddenly found yourself missing his comforting touch. It was still there, that comfort, in the way his eyes softened and he leaned in intent to listen to whatever you needed to get off your chest. You appreciated his attention, but also hated it at the same time. 

“What’s your Appa’s thing?”

God. He did understand. Maybe just a little too well for your liking. 

“Gambling. It started when I was in the seventh grade. At first it wasn’t anything too crazy. He’d always been able to even it out. But then he became obsessed with the idea of winning big. Kept betting on things we couldn’t afford to lose. Eventually, he bet too high and ended up losing the business he and my mom built together and our house. They had to pay the bank back.”

“A bank this dude’s Appa works at.”

“Correct. My Appa...he isn’t a bad man. He’s paid his debt and hasn’t gambled since. What good is it for me or anyone else to make him feel bad for the rest of his life?”

“I don’t get it. Why does that have to do with you, though?”

You’d wondered the same exact thing half of your adolescent life. You shrugged and looked at Jungkook wondering if maybe he’d be able to make sense of it better than you could. 

“Twelve year old boys enjoy making up stories. First it was that we became so poor we lived with pigs. That's why I smelled.”

You put air quotations around smelled and Jungkook practically howled with laughter. You tried your best to show no emotion, but could feel the corner of your lips threatening to curl into a smile. 

“He probably said it because you didn’t know how to wash back then and, judging from earlier, I still don’t think you do.”

You moved to playfully shove at his shoulder. A scoff of laughter leaving you even though you told yourself you wouldn’t. Jungkook was waiting for you to make a move and when you did he easily grabbed a hold of you. The feeling of intimacy, just like yesterday in the mud, was swimming back to the surface. 

Your eyes looked up into his with your laughter being met with a wide grin. The way he was looking at you now made you believe in fairytales and left your lips aching to be kissed. 

Before either of you could decide what to do next, the bell for the end of lunch sounded. You could hear it going off all around you, but still the two of you stayed holding each other. Your bodies close enough that if he wanted to make a move all Jungkook needed was to lean down. To say your heart dropped a little when he moved away was an understatement. 

You focused on getting up from the grass. Your hands patting down your uniform as you struggle to find something not so awkward to say. You wanted to sound confident. You wanted to sound like you weren’t affected by him at all. 

“Well, I’ll see you around.”

God, you sounded awkward. You turned to start heading to your next period. You closed your eyes tight and mouthed, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” You’d gotten a few feet away when you heard him call to you. 

You turned to look back at him and found him still standing under the tree. His hands in his pockets and his eyes solely on you. 

“Would you let me walk you home?”

Did he really have to ask? You’d let him walk you to the edge of a volcano. You didn’t say that, however. You wanted to play it cool, but on the inside you were screaming. 

“I’d like that.”

When you turned back around to make your way to class, the memory of how his face had brightened at your reply, stayed with you. You couldn’t wait for the day to end. 

_________

True to his word Jungkook waited for you after school. You couldn’t help looking for him over the countless shoulders as you walked with the sea of students towards the entrance. The hole in the pit of your stomach opened back up from the underlying dreadful thought. That he wouldn't show up. You’d be left standing there waiting for him forever. But Jungkook continued to prove your pessimism wrong. 

The closer you got to the school’s gate, you were able to spot him instantly. He was leaning coolly against the gate. His bag at his feet and his cane positioned strategically out of view. If anyone just casually walked up, they would’ve never been able to tell he’d needed one. Maybe that was why he’d done it. 

He looked to be searching for someone in every face that passed him. It came to an end the minute his roaming eyes found you. No longer did he appear cool and composed. His body became animated with what you could only explain as a giddiness at your oncoming presence.

By the time you reached him, Jungkook was wearing his backpack on his shoulder and his cane in his hand. He was standing and waiting for you. The happiness at being next to you was intoxicating and you could only hope you looked the same. 

“It felt like I was waiting forever,” he admitted. 

The two of you started in sync out the gate and turned left onto the main road.

“It felt like an eternity just to get to you. I have Mrs. Chun’s chemistry class for the last period. The classroom is pretty far.”

“Mhm, like on a planet far far away.”

Your eyes rolled up to look at him. The affection you found in the warmth of his eyes was startling, but not a surprise. 

Your mom used to tell you to always be careful with smiling. It caused laugh lines. It helped make crows feet. That smiling was a woman’s secret enemy she never knew about when it came to aging. She told you over and over to be careful who or what you wasted smiles on. Smiling up at him now, Jungkook was definitely worth it just to see him respond with his own. 

“Don’t be so dramatic. It’s only, like, one planet away.” 

A soft hush of laughter left him as he looked away. His gaze roaming around the street signs and their multiple names before looking back at you. 

“Are we going the right way to your place? I just realized I never even asked for your address.”

“Does it matter? I mean, with your leg and all.” You hated yourself for spoiling the moment by bringing it up. You knew it was a touchy subject when it came to his leg for Jungkook. So you weren’t surprised to see that spark of warmth fade ever so slightly from his face. His smile wilted at the edges of his lips before it all but disappeared. “You know I’m sorry I said anything. I shouldn’t have. I mean obviously you know yourself and your limits. You wouldn’t have asked if you weren’t able to do it.”

You were rambling. You were fidgeting and waving your arms around while you talked, because why not? You were doing everything else besides hyperventilating at this point. All you knew was that you felt like a jerk for even bringing it up. When all you wanted was to know he was okay. 

You were so lost in the space inside your head and worrying that you didn’t notice him laughing at you. You were mid-arm swing. Inhaling for another round of mouth babble to start asking for forgiveness when he waved for you to stop. A finger tip landing on your lips to quiet the words in your throat by shocking you into silence.

“You really don’t have to apologize so much, Y/N. It’s alright. I understand why you would ask.”

You were tempted to lick his finger away, but it felt too intimate. But so was a finger on the lips. Before you could decide your next move from your internal dilemma, Jungkook solved it for you. His finger detaching from your lips as quickly as it’d come.

“No, you don’t. I’m just worried about you. I know I should trust you to know yourself better, but-“ you did an over exaggerated shrug as you finished: “I’m a worrier.” 

“I’m flattered, I have you to worry over me.”

You knew he was teasing you and you couldn’t have been happier. You preferred it to making him sad. Plus, he was back to looking at you like you controlled the stars and oh, what a wonderful look it was.

“You should be. I’ve only got so much extra space up here.”

You tapped your head for added effect and were rewarded with a soft laugh that was followed up by a smile. God, you could get used to this. 

“I guess I need to work harder to take up more space.”

“Please, no. Let’s not do that. I need my sanity.”

You couldn’t believe you were doing so well at flirting. Usually, your sarcasm won out and you resorted to awkward winking, but this was definitely an improvement. 

“I’m not sure you have much of that left either,” he joked. 

You tried to hide your laughter with a scoff. You knew you were failing miserably at being offended. Your mouth fighting too hard to ward off a smile as you playfully bumped your shoulder into his arm. Jungkook was ready for you with his cane digging into the sidewalk to give him extra stability. 

“Ya, if I do finally go crazy it’ll be your fault, specifically.” 

“I think you’d have a hard time proving that in court. My counter argument would be pretty persuasive.” 

You looked at him in shock. 

“Court? Wow...that escalated quickly.”

Jungkook nodded his reply. He stopped in front of a bookstore and pointed at a manga in the window. You weren’t too familiar with the title, but it's a cover you’d seen plenty of. 

“It would happen as quickly as an infection from a zombie’s bite. It would seem all slow until suddenly you jumped up and tried to eat me.” 

You couldn’t keep the amusement off your face as you glanced at him and back down to the manga. A part of you wondering if it was one he’d read before or just wanted to use to make his point. 

“Question: why are we together during a zombie outbreak?”

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s because I’ll be walking you home. I’ll try and save you and while feeling all heroic about it, I won’t even realize you’d been bitten until it’s too late.”

The two of you moved away from the bookstore window and began to walk back down the sidewalk. Your mind trying to dissect what he was trying to say, but all it left you with was imagining a zombie version of you trying to take a bite out of him. 

“You must watch too much Walking Dead.”

“It’s a good show,” he shrugged. 

“Did you know that there’s actually a fungus out there that’s sort of like a zombie infection. It’s called Ophiocordyceps. It basically infects the host and within nine days of infection it takes control of the host's body movements.”

You were still walking and looking around while you spoke. Your fingers running gently over a row of gardenia’s that were planted in carefully placed pots in front of someone’s home. You were aware Jungkook had left your side by the sudden coldness of his absence. You turned to look for him and found him standing a foot away from you. A mixture of astonishment and amusement etched on his face. 

“Why do you know something like that? Actually, how do you know something like that?”

His eyes were dancing with curiosity as he moved to fall back into step beside you. 

“Let’s just say I like to read. I like strange things and facts. And science is full of both facts and strange things.”

With each small statement you held up a finger. When you ended on the third and final small fact about yourself, you wiggled all three fingers at him. The motion earned you a giant smile that only seemed to grow wider as his head shook slightly back and forth. 

“You are the strangest girl.”

“How am I strange?”

“You just told me about a body snatching fungus,” he chuckled. “What other girl is going to do that?”

Jungkook had a point. A very strong point. For all your new found confidence when it came to him, you couldn’t keep the heat from rushing to your face. Or the back of your hands from trying to hide it. 

“I would tell you to stop being embarrassed but it’s cute when you blush.” 

The two of you came to a complete stop at the crosswalk. The red light blinking to tell you two it wasn’t safe to cross. It felt like a weird metaphor for this moment in your life. 

Stop! Do not keep staring back at him as if he strung every star in the sky. Stop! Don’t continue to entertain the thought that he looked like he wanted to kiss you or that you desperately wanted to kiss him back. Stop! Even though you already knew it was too late. 

You had plans. It’d all been strategically mapped out in your head until you could read it forwards and backwards to yourself. Do your best to graduate high enough in the percentage range to get into a decent college. Get a degree for a job, it didn’t matter what it was, that made enough money to help your parents. For all your careful planning, none of it had included him and yet, the universe had you both standing at a stoplight looking at each other like there couldn’t be any other reality where you weren’t meant to end up right here. Standing at this exact light and looking at one another like no one else existed. 

Luckily, the light changed signaling for you to begin to cross. The mass of bodies that had accumulated behind you began to push you both forward and, reluctantly, broke your gaze free from him. Your brain was scrambling to pick up a conversation you weren’t sure how to resurrect. Your mind too busy daydreaming all the scenarios you would’ve taken in different realities if you were braver. Clearing your throat, you did your best to wipe the thought clean and focus on your current reality.

“If it makes you feel better,” you started your body turning to consider him as you spoke, “the study was only ever done on the tropical ants that resided in the forest. The actual effects and what it could do to humans has never been studied. Yet. But I’m willing to bet it would take longer than nine days for it to take hold of a grown adult's nervous system and larger batches.”

He was looking at you in inspired mock horror. You weren’t sure whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. Or if your unusual fact telling about zombie fungus had completely killed the mood. You got your answer in an excited hush of, “Holy shit it’s like you’re writing your own super villain backstory.” 

A smile erupted on your face as you playfully rolled your eyes away from him. It was hard to miss the mischievous glint in his eyes or the way his whole face still swam with the playfulness that lurked underneath his teasing. Jungkook was so alive. A force that required you to hang on or else you would get swept up in him without even realizing it’d happen. 

You wondered if this is what falling in love felt like. 

“I would make a terrible villain. I’m too clumsy,” you stated. Your weak attempt at downplaying yourself being met with a stern look. 

“How clumsy are we talking?”

“Hmm, I would say, ‘Kronk giving the llama potion to Kuzco,’ kind of clumsy.”

A hiss of air whistled between Jungkook’s teeth. A mock look of worry on his face as his hands moved to reposition his bag. 

“Can we call that clumsy, though?”

“What else would it be?” You asked. 

You could feel the lines grouping together in your forehead just trying to figure out what he was getting at. Jungkook didn’t seem to be in any rush to answer you. The two of you walking a few feet before he must have decided you’d waited long enough for him to reply. 

“I always thought Kronk was stupid throughout the whole movie, but really, he was just a good person. He’s a good guy tasked to do a bad thing and he just wants to make people happy. Even if it means doing the wrong thing.”

You wanted to ask if maybe he was talking more about himself than The Emperor’s New Groove at this point. He faced forward with his brow creased in deep thought and whatever it was that held his thoughts didn’t appear to be anything good. 

“Or,” you started, voice light enough to drag him out of his head, “it’s just a kids movie.”

Sure, Jungkook was looking at you, but he didn’t seem to actually see you. Somewhere inside his head, he was reenacting or seeing something that ate up all the sunshine that lived in his bones. It felt silly to feel a sense of panic about something that might not even be true. And yet, you couldn’t stop the awful thought that sadness was trying to make a home inside his soul. 

Without giving it another thought you reached up and pretended to wipe away a pretend rogue eyelash from his cheek. The suddenness of your fingers brushing on his skin jolted him from wherever his thoughts had held him hostage and back into the present. His eyes darted around your face and his own hand came up to gently take yours. 

“Sorry.” Your words came out breathy as you struggled not to focus on how he was practically holding your hand. “There was an eyelash. The wind must have blown it away.”

The earlier sadness that’d hollowed out his eyes was gone. What replaced it was one of knowing you weren’t telling the truth. His head tilted slightly down to inspect your empty finger of the proof you knew your words didn’t have whose eyes sparked with his usual teasing and something else. Something that left a different kind of heat flooding your cheeks. 

“I’m sure there was.”

Reluctantly, you removed your hand from his and continued to walk. It only took him a couple seconds to fall effortlessly into step beside you making you wonder if his leg was as injured as it seemed. 

A warm silence swelled around you as you continued to walk. A comfortable pace setting between you as he looked in the windows of every store you passed in between the changing streets. He never once asked if you were getting close to your home or how much farther it might be. It was like the moment on the back of the bus. The two of you enjoyed that the other was there without ever feeling the need to say it.

But you knew it was soon coming to an end. In only a few blocks, you’d be home and your fairytale moment would end. You were struggling on how to break this, more to yourself than Jungkook, when you noticed he pulled a Nikon camera from the side of his bag. He was squinting through the lens and taking photos of something up ahead. Of the landscape or the people and buildings that framed it you weren’t sure. 

He must have sensed your silent question as he snapped a few more quick photos before turning to acknowledge you. 

“Y/N, I have a serious question for you.”

It was hard to keep the amusement off your face as you both came to a stop. The place felt random, but it was anything but that to Jungkook. Whatever he saw in this space you both inhabited must have felt like magic to him. 

“Okay. Shoot.”

“Do you think we have enough time for me to take some photos?”

It felt like such an odd request. Why should anyone have to ask to do something that they loved? Jungkook didn’t fully say he loved doing it, but no one spent that much money on a nice camera if it wasn’t something they enjoyed doing. The look on his face was just an added bonus of proving your answer meant something. One that made you wonder why he felt like he needed your permission at all. And then it hit you: he wanted to stay in your company while he did it. 

You considered teasing him, but he looked too vulnerable standing there. You weren’t even sure if he was breathing. A pleading in his eyes that reminded you of a child asking a mother to go on just one more ride before they were forced to go home. You considered giving him the bad news that you had more than homework to do when you arrived home. But that could come another day. On this day, with him, you could spare an hour just to make him happy.

Instead of coming right out and letting him know you’d made up your mind, you decided to play coy. A soft, “Hmm,” hummed around you as you looked everywhere but him. Your index finger tapping on your lips for dramatic flare.

"Ok," You shrugged. "I think I have some free time I could spare."

His eyes squinted in question as you moved to stand in front of him. The movement simply to let a couple go by in peace, but somehow placed you closer in front of him. Jungkook’s gaze was roaming your face to find an answer to a question he hadn’t yet asked. 

“You planned on saying yes this whole time, didn’t you. You were just trying to make me suffer waiting for you to answer.”

You gasped in pretend shock and did your best not to smile at his accusations. By the growing smile on his face you knew you were failing miserably. 

“Me?! I would never do such a thing.”

“You’re secretly a sadist!”

Jungkook’s smile only widened as a scoff of disbelief passed from your lips. Your own smile grew to match his own when his hands lifted up his camera. Seconds later the sound of the shutter clicked and you felt your soul leave your body. The earlier playfulness was swiftly swept in your own dark cloud and the idea you probably looked hideous in that photo. 

“Oh god, Jungkook delete it,” you pleaded. 

Your hands were reaching out to grab tightly at this shirt. Your fingers curled in the white fabric until there was a small chance you could tear holes. The camera in question was being held far from your reach. His hand easily held it above his shoulder as he used one hand to steady you against him. You’d invaded his space without even realizing, but you had no time to be embarrassed. Not when he had a picture of you forever saved on that camera. 

“Why would I delete it?”

He was his usual amused self you could tell, but he wasn’t egging you on. His question was out of curiosity. His own eyes brimming with it as you considered keeping one hand tightly wound in his shirt and the other to jump up and reach for the camera. 

“Because Jungkook I’m not cute. You’ll be lucky if it doesn’t ruin the camera.”

All his earlier playfulness drained from his face and what was left made you instantly feel like you were about to be scolded. His hand that had firmly planted itself on your hip was achingly apparent now as his fingers gripped you closer to him. Your own awareness at how close you actually were to his chest made your lips feel dry. Your tongue flicked out to wet them and god, it took everything in you not to focus on the fact his eyes had followed the movement. 

“Y/N, why would you say that? You shouldn’t let anyone talk down about you, and you shouldn’t do it to yourself either. You’re beautiful.”

He spoke like it was a fact. A statement that not just the two of you knew, but the universe did too. And what were you supposed to say back? While you were held captive to the thought he was still looking from you to your lips. The determination for you to understand his words and believe them setting soft lines in his face. You tried to keep looking at him, but under his watchful gaze you couldn’t keep yourself from fidgeting. Your eyes moved down the line of his body until it landed on the tops of your shoes. 

You weren’t sure what to say back. Thank you didn’t fit here. It didn’t feel like a moment where he was trying to boost your confidence the way a friend did. This felt more like someone who noticed something in you while you hadn’t been looking. 

So instead of saying anything remotely clever back you began to dislodge yourself from him. Your hands releasing their hold on his shirt and forcing his hand off of your hip. Standing there with only inches between you, your body was achingly aware that his hand was gone. It’s weight leaving a burning of longing to have it back forced your hands into your pockets and your body turning away from him. You waited for him to start moving back down the road. The motion forced him to either join you or stay where he was. 

“We should get going before we run out of time.”

You hated yourself for dismissing him. For not being bolder like you’d promised yourself earlier in the day. It would’ve been the perfect time to thank him. To tell him how you were pretty sure there wasn’t a soul on earth more attractive than him, but that what made him beautiful is what he refused to let people see. The soft tone of his voice still singing along to the songs on the back of the bus had ended up being an unspoken lullaby when you’d gone to sleep. 

A part of you considered turning on your heel and telling him this. To tell him that you saw him; actually saw him for who he was and not who he felt like he needed to be. But you just kept moving forward and weren’t surprised when Jungkook found a steady rhythm back beside you. 

The both of you stayed quiet. This time it felt more forced than the easiness of earlier. Like the two of you had so many missed starts at creating a conversation that neither of you could understand why it ended.

You watched him as he focused on the area around him. His camera training on an old couple who sat waiting for the next bus. The husband had clutched his wife’s arm close to his side. In his hands he was peeling what appeared to be an orange and with each freshly peeled slice, he gave one to her and one to himself. No one knew what they were conversing about, but it didn’t matter. To them, they were the only two people there. The wholesomeness of the moment made you wonder what they were like back in their youth. 

You listened to the flutter of the shutter click repeatedly. His hand twisting on the lens to bring it in and out of focus, while he himself remained deadly focused on capturing their moment in time. You were curious how the photos would turn out in the end and wished there was a way to show them how their love translated on film. 

You were in the middle of watching Jungkook turn his attention to a couple birds inside a cherry blossom when he spoke.

“Thank you for agreeing to walk with me while I do this.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Jungkook.”

A sad smile curled his lips as he dropped his camera down in front of him. His thumb skimmed over the buttons to quickly go through what he’d previously taken. The last one he landed on made his entire face light up and you felt a pang of jealousy at what it could be. How you wish he would look at you like that. 

“Maybe, but I feel like I do. Ever since my accident, my appa hasn’t been able to force me into things. For once, I get to just do what I want. Sucks it only had to cost me a friend and a leg to get some freedom.”

Your feet had carried you to the next stop sign. The sudden halt in moving forced you to look at him, really look at Jungkook, like you’d never seen him before. 

He wasn’t looking at you now. His ears a screaming red while his fingers danced over every part of the camera. His eyes roaming over its edges and flicking too fast through pictures to actually even be looking at them. For the first time since you’d met him Jungkook was scared to look at you. Scared for what you might see if you did. 

Looking at him now, you couldn’t have been happier to indulge him. You’d indulge him for the rest of your life if he’d let you. 

“Well, I’m happy to be of service.”

You mentally smacked yourself at your choice of words. Jungkook, however, was backing to his beaming self as he finally glanced in your direction. His eyeing ate up your embarrassment as it was your turn to face forward. Your feet hopping in place as you waited for the light to flash it was okay to walk. 

“I’m supposed to be at physical therapy right now.”

“Wait, what?”

The light was flickering finally for you to all move. Your feet moved to carry you forward unintentionally, just to keep with the flow of traffic, as Jungkook gave you a small shrug for an answer. 

“Did you say you were supposed to be at physical therapy?”

Another shrug and another long pause with no answer. It seemed he had been waiting for you to round the corner onto a quieter pedestrian free street before he replied, “After school. I have appointments almost everyday and I never go.” 

“But why? It’s meant to help you get better, isn’t it?”

“Get better to do what, exactly?” He huffed. Jungkook’s entire body took on a broodier tone. His cane practically dug small holes with each press into the pavement. “Who even says that I can get better?”

“Well, doctors for one,” you pointed out. “I’m sure they wouldn’t have signed you up for it if they didn’t believe you could get better.” 

“If I was going to get better it would’ve happened already.���

It felt like walking on eggshells. This side of Jungkook was the boy you’d met on his first day of class. His guarded demeanor up on high alert, as he kept his gaze stoically forward and his chin held high. 

“You’re not an idiot, Jungkook. You know injuries take time to heal from. It doesn't just magically happen overnight.”

“Who says that I want to get better?”

The coldness in his words forced your legs to stop working. Your feet were unable to move as he continued to push on ahead of you. His own movements became slower now as the long walk was beginning to take its toll on his leg. He knew you weren’t beside him anymore and still he tried to keep pushing forward, before eventually he had no other choice but to turn around. 

The look on his face was as defiant as ever. Underneath that defiance was a sadness so raw you only wanted to reach out and hold him. If just to remind him that he was seen and that his pain mattered.

That’s when the realization hit you.

“Unless you feel like you deserve this.”

The stone façade he’d worked so hard to create in the past few minutes began to chip. His eyes being the first to show by the soft uprising of tears that you were right. Somewhere deep inside Jungkook believed that he deserved what happened to him. That this was punishment for losing a friend at his own hands, even if it wasn’t his fault to begin with. 

The tears that threatened to spill never did, but they were there. They floated dangerously at the surface of Jungkook’s control and he refused to let go. The rawness of his pain hit you and all you wanted was to help ease it. You weren’t sure if he would accept any kind of affection, even in a small hug. So your only option was to move closer to him. As close as he would allow without pushing you away. 

With each step you could see his jaw clenching tighter; pulsing like he was fighting from saying something wicked to send you skirting back. He was just as afraid of what you were about to do as you were at being the one to do it. 

When the tips of your shoes nudged against his you drew your eyes up until they landed on his. A spark of something; fear or uncertainty, flashed in his eyes. Was he expecting you to be cruel? To yell at him to stop being a child and to grow up? How much had he already heard those words shouted by adults? How long had he been standing there like this, in a world full of grief, and no one there to pull him out to breathe before the next wave suffocated him once more. 

You weren’t sure if it was you or if what you said would matter, but it was important he heard it. It was important he knew that this was okay too. 

“You got to forgive yourself sometime, Jungkook.”

The words themselves were simple. Simple and spoken between you as if there was a secret meant only for the two of you to hear. All you really wanted was for him to feel the sincerity of your words for him to know it was okay. Okay to feel sad, unsure, and helpless at times when all the world felt against you. It was okay to not know your first steps and okay to take those first steps when you were ready. Eventually, we needed to forgive, if only to give ourselves the chance to heal and move on. 

His gaze was still misty with unshed tears and still they refused to fall. The pain and defiance that had turned his features harsh began to soften. All that hardness he struggled to keep himself in and others out was beginning to fade and the only thing left was him. All that sunshine that you’d seen lived in his smile and echoed in his laughter that crinkled in the corners of his eyes. The way he cared for others and making them feel cared for. The softness of his singing and the way he eagerly filmed people at their most vulnerable: at their most beautiful. 

It was at this moment you felt your universe shift and tip until it realigned itself. With your fingers back to holding the edges of his shirt it took everything in you not to close those final inches and hug him. Jungkook closed that distance for you instead. 

His lips crashing down on your cheeks causing a soft squeak of surprise to push free from your lips. A chuckle came as he came back into view and your mind struggled to comprehend what happened. 

It wasn’t a kiss on the lips but…

“Did you just kiss my cheek?”

Your hand was up to the aforementioned spot. A wicked smile wiping away all of his sadness until you weren’t sure if it had been real at all or if you’d imagined it. 

“I could kiss your lips if you’d like that instead.” 

If your cheeks could get any hotter you could’ve fried food on them. You felt a surge of disappointment when Jungkook took a reluctant step back from you as his eyes dropped to check the time on his phone.

“As much as I hate to say this: I have to go.”

“All of the sudden you have to go,” you huffed. 

Your words felt brave, but inside your heart was thundering wildly against your chest. 

“I could stay if you want?”

Smoother than expected, Jungkook slid his way back to you. His chest bumping against you making you lose your footing just enough that it forced you to grab on to his shirt. Jungkook’s own hand had moved behind your back to steady you and bring you closer to him all at once. 

You playfully smacked his chest and earned a soft laugh from him. Unfortunately, you found yourself peeling away from him. Your hands grasping at the strap of your bag to keep them from reaching back out for him. 

“Not a chance.”

Your reply earned a playful pout from him as he started walking backwards away from you. 

“I’ll remember that, Y/N!”

You rolled your eyes and turned around to start walking the rest of the way home. You didn’t get more than a few feet before he called back to you. Your eyes found him instantly in a crowd of people that continued to pass in front of him.

“I forgot to ask: what’s your number!”

He held up a pen expecting you to come back to him and write it down presumably on his arm or hand. You didn’t see any paper and could only assume. You knew it was all just a ploy to get you to come to him. The knowledge evident by the wicked grin on his face. 

“You’re a math wiz, right?” Jungkook was perplexed for a second before you started reciting your number as loud as you were willing to shout it. The wind blew it away as he no doubt struggled to listen. 

“Wow! What a way to play dirty.”

“If it’s meant to be you’ll figure it out.”

And maybe that was true. Maybe you both had a chance to write your own love story like from the movies and shows you used to watch with your mom. Like Rose and Jack from Titanic or Ross and Rachel...okay...maybe more like Chandler and Monica. Or maybe you were an idiot and should’ve just gone and wrote it down. It was too late now as he was already on the other side of the street. 

You were ready to walk the rest of the way kicking yourself for being so lame when you heard him call your name again. When you turned you didn’t expect him to be trotting across the road. You didn’t expect him to stop in front of you and give you another quick kiss on the cheek, this one gentler than before, with every fiber of your body remembering just how soft his lips felt. 

“I could fall in love with you, ya know.”

You watched as in the same breath he hopped back across the street and couldn’t help but think you already had. 

————-

Later that night you were snuggled up inside the sheets of your bed. The only thing sticking out was the current book you were reading and the top of your head. 

You hadn’t heard from Jungkook the rest of the day. Your heart hammered inside your chest every time your phone chimed with a new message only to deflate when you realized it wasn’t him. You loved your friends and all, but they weren’t who you’d been looking forward to all evening. 

Maybe you should’ve just gone to him and written down your number. Like a normal human being would’ve done. You just had to be clever and yell it out like a lunatic. For all you knew, you could end up with a random stranger texting you at all hours. 

Your current book that you were supposed to be reading but couldn’t really read because you couldn’t focus was now face planted onto your nose. A soft groan echoing into its pages as you fought not to close it and throw it somewhere in your room. You were a hundred percent sure you’d read the same sentence a few dozen times at this point. 

In the morning, you decided, you most definitely were just going to write it down. Like a sane person would’ve done. You closed your book and placed it down beside you. Your eyes roaming up to stare at your ceiling and wondering if you were ever actually going to go to sleep when your phone chimed off. 

You weren’t in any hurry to look. It could just be your parents from the restaurant making sure you were in bed. It could be one of your friends asking about making plans this weekend. It was probably still everyone but Jungkook and yet…

Your curiosity got the better of you. You shuffled inside your comforter, reached an arm out to grab your phone from the nightstand, and quickly pulled it back inside. You waited for your facial ID to unlock the screen to see who or what you’d received. Your own mind hyping up the suspense of the moment until it read over a reminder text from your dad about your chores for the upcoming weekends. 

You hated you’d let yourself have even a glimmer of hope. It was official. You’d ruined your chances when it came to giving out your number. A groan was creeping its way up your throat as you quickly sent back a text. You knew your chores took over almost every weekend. Even when you’d made plans with friends, you’d ended up never going. 

As soon as you’d hit send you were rolling over to put your phone back on your nightstand. The shrill sound of pinging messages stopped you cold. There was no way your dad had learned to text back that fast. You laid yourself flat back against the mattress and brought the phone to hover above your face. 

Y/N?

Is this the right number finally? 

Hello?!!

If this is the wrong person, I’m sorry. I swear I’m not crazy. Just looking for a girl. 

Your heart leapt into your throat. It was beating so hard you were scared it would burst from your chest. Your eyes were still skimming over the line of text messages when another one sounded. You were so caught up in reading the next line you weren’t aware your clammy fingers had let the phone slip and it crash landed down on your face. 

“Ooow!”

One hand scrambled to pick it back up off your face, while the other massaged the now swelling brim of your nose. 

How many people have you texted before me?

There wasn’t a need to send a hi. To give him a coy response to continue to tease him or make him believe he’d gotten it wrong again. Your curiosity at the desperate way he seemed to have been looking for you was endearing. The thought that he’d spent so much time sending out random messages for a response, no matter how crazy he looked, felt silly but cute too. 

Jungkook thought you were worth the trouble. 

OH MY GOD IS IT REALLY YOU?! And maybe like... seventeen. 

You snuggled deeper into your comforter as a soft giggle joined the growing smile across your face. 

I’m sorry I should have just wrote it down when you offered the pen lol

It definitely would’ve made it a lot easier.

You’d asked yourself that question all evening while you’d waited for him. You bit your lips as your fingers hovered over the keyboard. Unsure if you should take the chance and tell him. 

“Screw it,” you whispered as you typed. 

Took you long enough. I’ve been waiting forever. 

Well, I’m sorry to keep you waiting. This girl thought it was a good idea to shout random numbers at me 😅😂.

Your head was shaking as you tried to figure out something witty to say. You couldn’t believe you were here. Inside your comforter cave smiling at your phone like a lunatic and wondering if maybe Jungkook was doing the same. Or what was he even doing? You were getting ready to type out that exact question when your phone pinged to life. 

So, ugh, on to more important matters. It read. I was thinking about your love of random facts and I think I got one for you. 

Ooooooo kekeke this should be good 

Do you want to know it or not? 

Okay okay! Lol please tell me Kookie

You could practically feel him screaming through your phone as a sideways glance emoji was sent back in a long lined response. You wondered if you’d completely ruined his fact telling when your phone went off. 

I found this article that said the chances of finding your soulmate out of 500,000,000 people was impossible. But, if you just place it to where you are, to your age group, and timing it narrows it down to a 1 in 10,000 chance. What I’m trying to get at is...I think your my 1 in 10,000

You read the message on repeat. Over and over until you were sure you’d practically memorized it front and back. You wanted to ask him for his source material. Where such an article could exist. None of that really mattered to you and how could it? 

You must have spaced out because you never sent him a reply. Your thoughts were still spinning in a world all their own as you wondered if he was sitting at his desk doing homework or lying in bed. If he was inside or outside and what had made him so brave to send that message: believing you felt the same. 

The vibration of the phone brought you back down to earth. You expected to see question marks or another line of, “Hello?” To have left him on read. Instead, the only thing that greeted you was a simple, Goodnight, Y/N. 

This time there was no hesitation from you. 

Goodnight, Jungkook

See you in the morning ?

His text felt so hopeful. A silent undertone that if you said no there was a chance you’d break him. You bit your lip as you thought about what this meant. The beginning of small promises that eventually grew into bigger ones. 

I’ll meet you at the gate

You both finished up with another round of good night’s that felt like the embarrassing texting equivalent of “no you hang up! No you!” And placed your phone back on your night stand. It took forever for the sandman to finally claim you. Your dreams consisting of the magic of being Jungkook’s 1 in 10,000. 

[drabbles-mc]

Closer

Juice Ortiz x F!Reader

Request by Anon: I was wondering if I could get a Juice x female reader, where she wonders into the clubhouse one day, after a long ass day, at the end of a long ass week, and just plonks herself in his lap, cuddles him and falls asleep on him - and there's just some general fluff around that. ^_^ this could be pre-relationship or how the guys find out, for some extra depth to the general fic

Warnings: alcohol, Juice being sweeter than a candy bar

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: I went pre-relationship for this because I am here for the yearning. Hope you like it! xo

Join my group-chat here: (X)

SOA Taglist: @garbinge @chibsytelford @adela-topaz-caelon​ @masterlistforimagines @mijop @xladymacbethx @i-just-read-stuff @kkim120 @multiyfandomgirl40 @toni9 @unicornucopia-fuckers @mayans-sauce @shadow-of-wonder (If you want to be added to my taglist just let me know!)

It had been the longest week you’d had in a while. It wasn’t a bad week, per se, it was just busy. Between things at work and everything going on with your family, you felt like you were basically running on fumes by the time Friday evening rolled around. A huge part of you wanted to just head home, curl up with some tea and your favorite show while lying underneath a fluffy blanket. But for some reason, when you left work for the day, you found yourself going in the complete opposite direction.

In the midst of the chaos that had filled your week, you really hadn’t had any time for yourself, let alone time for the people that you actually wanted to see. That being the case, you found yourself rolling into the parking lot of the clubhouse. It was busy—Friday’s always were. It didn’t seem like things had gotten out of control though. You took a deep breath as you stepped down out of your car and made your way towards the clubhouse.

You walked inside and were pleased to see that it wasn’t overly crowded. The air was filled with music and the sound of a few dozen different conversations going on, but it wasn’t the wild scene that you had walked in on in the past. It felt like everyone was doing the same thing that you were trying to do—recover.

Before you even made it to the bar, the man behind it had a beer ready for you. You chuckled as you took it from him, thanking him with a smile. You pressed the bottle to your lips, drinking a good amount of it in one go without even really meaning to.

“Long week?” Juice’s voice piped up from behind you, and you could tell without even looking at him that he was trying to hold back a laugh.

You turned around to face him, a tired smile taking over your features, “How’d you know?”

He shrugged, “Lucky guess,” he came up so that he was standing at the bar next to you, “Also I haven’t seen or heard from you all week. And you’re drinking that beer like your life depends on it.”

You laughed, “What else can you tell me about my life, Juice?”

He pulled you into a hug, “That I’m gonna be in it for a while.”

You chuckled as you let him envelop you for a moment. He was always a flirt, especially with you. You gave it right back but you tried to be careful about letting yourself get too carried away. However, in moments like that, it was nice to just soak it up even if you couldn’t be sure that there were really feelings there on his end of it.

The two of you stood by the bar for a few minutes, allowing yourselves to have some time for just the two of you. He listened as you caught him up on everything that had been going on with you throughout the week, wordlessly getting you another beer after you finished off your first one. It was difficult not to get lost in the way that he looked at you, like he was hanging on every word that you were saying to him. You always wondered how Juice hadn’t landed himself a partner yet—he was always so sweet and attentive it made you wonder how no one had scooped him up.

“Wanna come and sit?” he offered as he nodded towards the couches where some of the guys were sitting.

You nodded, grabbing your beer off the surface of the counter, “Please, yes.”

Juice sat down on the end of the couch, leaning onto the arm of it. You found your place right next to him, casually draping your legs over his as you leaned against his side. You didn’t make any comment about it, and neither did he, but you could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to say something. He didn’t, though, instead settling into the contact and resting his hand on your knee. You purposely ignored the looks from the other guys as you jumped into the conversations that they were having.

As the night wore on, you somehow wound up completely curled up in Juice’s lap. He didn’t seem to mind, his arms draping easily and comfortably around you. Your head rested in the crook of his neck as you listened to the hustle of the clubhouse. It’d been a few minutes since you stopped paying attention to the conversations happening right in front of you. You were too focused on the steady rise and fall of Juice’s chest beneath you, and the feeling of his hand as he would randomly run up and down your back.

“Doesn’t look like you’ll be moving for a while,” Jax said with a laugh.

Juice looked down to see you completely passed out against him, being held up solely by his arm bracing you against him. He chuckled and shook his head, “Yea, guess not.”

“You still haven’t said anything to her yet, have you?”

Juice tried to pretend that he had no idea what Jax was talking about, “Said anything?”

He shook his head, “Come on, bro. I think it’s safe to say that she feels the same way.”

Juice paused, glancing down at you curled up against him as you slept through the noise of the clubhouse, “It’s simpler this way.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Jax stood up and clapped him on the shoulder, “Do something about this.”

Juice didn’t get the chance to reply and try to argue with him—he walked away too quickly. Which left Juice there on his own with you in his lap. He smiled at you, giving you a light squeeze to hold you a little bit closer while he had the opportunity. He studied your face for a few moments—it was the most relaxed that he’d ever seen you.

In your sleep, you reached and rested your hand on his shoulder, pulling yourself tight against him the same way you would someone you were laying with. He let out a shaky breath as he allowed himself to enjoy the contact. You shifted slightly, your nose brushing lightly against the sensitive skin of his neck as you grumbled quietly in your sleep. If he wasn’t in love with you before he was fairly certain that he was now. He’d sit there all day and all night if it meant that he got to keep holding you.

“Dorm might be more comfortable,” Chibs commented in passing with a chuckle as he walked by.

Juice let out a soft sigh, knowing that he should just stand up and carry you back to his dorm so you could sleep the right of the night. He just didn’t want to wake you. He carefully wrapped his arms around you before standing up, trying to move you as little as possible. He walked through the clubhouse, managing to not bump into anything or anyone.

He nudged the door to his dorm open with his foot and walked inside, kicking it shut behind him to try and muffle the noise coming from the rest of the clubhouse. He somehow managed to hold onto you as he pulled the blanket of his bed down before gently setting you down on the mattress.

Before he could pull the blanket back up over you, he saw you stirring and beginning to wake up. He tried and failed to bite back a smile as he looked at you—your exhaustion and sense of slight confusion was written all over your face.

“You fell asleep,” his voice was quiet but you could still hear him chuckle as he spoke, “Figured it might be better for you to stay here—didn’t want you driving if you were that tired.”

You nodded, still not fully awake, “Okay,” you saw him walking back towards the door and spoke up, “You staying with me?”

He froze, taking a moment to get his thoughts in order before he turned around and faced you, “Do…do you want me to?”

You nodded, “Yea.”

His smile was soft, “Okay. Yea. I’ll…I’ll stay with you.”

You smiled and nodded as you pulled your shoes off, dropping them on the floor next to the bed. He walked back over toeing off his boots before stripping down to just a t-shirt and his underwear. If you hadn’t been so exhausted you might’ve taken more time to gaze at him, but it was difficult to keep your eyes open.

He laid down next to you, pulling the blanket up over the both of you. He wasn’t planning on trying to push his luck—he wasn’t going to close the distance between you for fear of making you uncomfortable. He left the empty space of the mattress, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

You reached out, resting your hand on his shoulder as you pulled yourself closer to him. Your hand slid down his arm until it reached his wrist, wrapping your fingers around it before moving it so you could set his hand on your side. You could feel how tense he was and the only thing you could think to do in that moment was wrap your arms around him and pull yourself flush against him. A deep, content sigh passed through your lips as you all but melted into the heat coming off of him.

It took a few moments, but he finally allowed himself to hold you. He let out an unsteady breath as your hands slid underneath the fabric of his t-shirt, resting innocently on his back. He brought one hand up so that it was resting on the side of your neck, his thumb lightly tracing along your jaw.

You turned your face slightly, pressing a sleepy kiss against the palm of his hand, “Goodnight.”

Your eyes were shut, and he was glad that you weren’t able to see the look of disbelief on his face, unsure of how to respond to such a soft gesture. He cleared his throat, pressing a soft, nervous kiss to your forehead, “Goodnight.”

He heard the happy hum you let out in return as you snuggled farther into him, entangling your legs with his. It was a matter of minutes before you’d fallen completely asleep again, leaving him there to soak up and enjoy the sensation of having you so close.

[hangovercurse]

Blind Date

After being single for three months, your friends decide to set you and Colson up on a blind date.

Request: Hey!! Could you do one about the reader and Colson meeting by a blind date? Let your creativity go wild ❤️

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: This is a little bit different from how I normally write, so let’s see how this goes.

Word Count: 1916

It’s funny how the universe makes things happen. While some people are having their first kiss, others are taking their last breath. Every moment in time is so intricately woven together, it sometimes seems ironic how things happen.

Like tonight, on two sides of California, two very different people were having the same conversation.

“I’m not sure about this.”

“What if she thinks my tattoos are too much?”

“What if he thinks I’m too weird?”

“What if she hates music?”

“What if he hates art?”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

“I don’t think I can do this.”

Your best friend stared at you from your bed as you paced around the room. “Y/N, you’re going to be fine. You said it yourself, you need to get back out there. Baze says he’s a good guy, and I trust Baze.”

Baze was in a similar situation, laying on the couch as Colson paced around the house. “Colson, dude. It’s gonna be good, she’s gonna like you.”

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like I’ve never been on a first fuckin date before. I used to do this shit every night.” He sighed, sitting down.

You let out a frustrated groan, “I know. I just feel like after everything in the past few years I feel like I’ve forgotten how to do first dates.”

“You’re gonna be great, just be yourself. And remember, it’s a blind date, so if you guys don’t hit it off or something goes horribly wrong, you never have to see him again.” She smiled as you threw her a playful glare.

“Colson, I love you man, but you have to do this. I don’t think you’ve even looked at a woman who isn’t Ashleigh in like three months.”

The light-haired man sent his friend a glare, “I’m sorry that I was recovering from the worst heartbreak of my life.”

You finally sat down, pulling on your shoes. “Maybe it’s too soon. Maybe I’m not as ready as I thought I was.”

Your friend sighed, sitting up and placing her arms around your shoulders, “It’s been three months since you and T broke up. You grieved, and now you need to move on. You deserve this.”

“Dude, you said you were over her. You are over her. Now you get to find someone else and try to be happy. You deserve this.”

“Maybe don’t bring up your disastrous ex, Y/N.”

“But please, for the love of god, bro, don’t bring up Megan.”

 You entered the small, classy restaurant, your hands shaking slightly. The entire place was dimly lit, with candles scattered around any surface available. You walked to the hostess stand, “Baker for two.” You told her, a small smile gracing your features.

She nodded, leading you through the floor. “He got here not 30 seconds before you did.” She laughed and you blushed a little bit.

You were grateful he wasn’t late, but you were also grateful he wasn’t extremely early , or else you would have felt awful for making him wait.

You were finally brought to a small table in the back of the restaurant to find one of the prettiest men you have ever laid your eyes on. When his eyes met yours, he stood up immediately, a smile on his face. “Y/N?” He asked.

“Colson.” You responded. He pulled your chair out for you, and you felt heat rushing to your cheeks at the kind gesture. None of the guys you had ever dated pulled your chair out for you, especially not your most recent ex.

“Baze told me you were pretty but this is…” He trailed off, seeming a bit lost for words. “You are absolutely gorgeous.”

He was good at this, good at making you nervous, making you blush like a teenager. “Thank you.” You whispered, “I think you are one of the prettiest people I have ever met.” You returned his compliment with one of your own.

The redness in his cheeks made you smile, a bit of pride rising in your chest. “Baze truthfully didn’t tell me much about you.” He started, “so, what do you do?” He was kicking himself for the lame question, but his mind was half occupied with the color of your eyes and he couldn’t form a coherent thought.

“I’m an artist.” You probably didn’t realize it, but Colson could see the slightest bit of a light in your eyes as you spoke about your passion. “I do graphic designing for websites, making logos and designs and such. That’s my day job, at least. I do some painting and sketching on the side, though. Eventually I’d like to be able to make that my whole job, but it is a hard industry.”

Colson nodded in understanding, his eyes holding the same weight as yours when you spoke of your flailing dreams. You wondered how he knew exactly what you were talking about.

Seemingly reading your mind, he answered. “I get that so much. I’m a musician, so I’ve been there. Luckily, I did make it my full-time job, but I remember before I made it, all the stress and struggles. It gets better.”

You smiled, “easy for you to say, aren’t you like, a big Rockstar?”

He chuckled, looking down, “yeah, sort of. But I wasn’t, you know? Like before all this I was dirt poor and the picture of a starving artist. I mean I’m still not like, winning Grammys or shit now, but I’m not there anymore either.”

You nodded, studying him. “I was lucky, I had support through art school and got a job as soon as I graduated. I’ve never had to struggle in that sense. I don’t think I’d be happy staying where I’m at for the rest of my life, but I am definitely in a stable place right now.”

He seemed so interested in what you were saying. Soon the conversation moved into the type of music he made, and then to your art styles. You flowed together easily, never becoming awkward or uncomfortable. As the night went on, your nerves fell away, as did his.

You were talking about your favorite movies when your food arrived, but even then, your conversation continued. At one point, he paused mid-second. “You’ve got something, “ he pointed to his face. “Fuck it, this is gonna be so cheesy.” He grabbed his napkin and wiped the bit of sauce you had on your cheek off.

You blushed in embarrassment, “thanks.” He was right, the moment was very cheesy. His hand pulled away slowly, lingering near your skin a bit longer than necessary. You didn’t mind though.

As much as you hated to admit it, especially since you had only known him for one night, you could be really into him. And that scared the fuck out of you.

Colson was, too, scared shitless. Why the fuck was his heart fluttering every time you giggled. He’d just met you. But already he could tell you were something special.

 He paid for dinner, like a gentleman, even though you protested. “It’s our first date, I am paying.”

You liked the way that he said, “first date,” implying there may be more. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to pay next time.” You said, smugly.

His eyebrow raised in question, a small smirk on his face. “We’ll see about that. I might just give them my card ahead of time.”

“Then I’ll just have to get there before you.”

You two laughed at your small competition as he led you to the parking lot, his hand in yours. “Did you drive?” He asked and you shook your head no.

“I called an uber. Speaking of…” You reached for your phone before he stopped you.

“Let me drive you home. If that’s okay?”

You let him lead you to his car, hand still tightly in his. He pulled the door open for you, guiding you in. Everything with him seemed like a new experience, his gentleman gestures catching you off guard.

“You should play me some of your music.” You told him when he got in. He smiled at that, pulling his phone out and opening his library.

“I don’t know if you’ll like the type of music I make.” He blushed, scrolling through to find a song he thought you might like.

You rolled your eyes, “well I like you so I think, by proxy, I’ll like your music.”

He bit his lip to hide the way his face lit up at your subtle confession. “Just don’t say that I didn’t warn you.”

You heard a somewhat familiar rhythm, something you had probably heard on the radio. “Wait, this is you? I swear I’ve heard this before.”

He smiled, glancing over at you before turning his attention back to the road. “Yeah, me and my friend Matt dropped this right before my last album release.”

You let the music play, listening to his voice as he sang. “You know, this somehow sounds exactly like you and nothing like you at the same time. Like if you hadn’t told me I don’t think I would’ve known this was you. But I do know so I can hear it.”

He chuckled but didn’t say anything, occasionally looking at you as you nodded your head to the music. A few more of his songs played from Tickets to My Downfall and you seemed to enjoy it. “You’re really good.” You commented. Your voice was truthful, you weren’t trying to flatter him, you were just saying what you thought. Your words were genuine.

He didn’t know why but hearing that from you meant so much more to him than he expected it to. He finally parked in front of your house, getting out and opening your door for you. Like a true gentleman, he walked you to your door, pausing before you unlocked it.

You turned to face him, looking up into his bright eyes. “I had a really good time tonight.” He said softly. “Probably the best night I’ve had in a while, honestly.”

You smiled widely, “I did too, Colson.” You grabbed his hands in yours, swinging them slightly. “I’m really glad we did this.”

He nodded, leaning closer to you, “would you, maybe, wanna do this again?” He asked, his voice falling closer to a whisper.

“I was hoping I had made that obvious when I said I’d pay next time.” You giggled, leaning up closer to him.

He rolled his eyes playfully, “just wanna make sure you didn’t change your mind.”

“Trust me, I didn’t.” You whispered, before leaning up and connecting your lips with his.

The kiss was short and sweet, but it seemed like everything you had ever wanted. When your lips left his, you both stayed very close to each other, hands still clasped. His face was still only inches from yours, eyes studying your every feature.

Eventually he let out a small sigh and leaned back up. “Well, uh, goodnight, Y/N.” He smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck as he took steps backwards towards his car. You smiled at him, waving a small goodbye before turning to unlock your door.

Your hand touched the handle before you turned around, finding Colson in the same situation at his car door, still looking at you. “Do you maybe wanna… come in?” You asked, biting your lip. His face lit up, a smirk highlighting his features.

“I would love that.”