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ibangtanthings · 5 years ago

Text

Fake Love - pt 6

"Here." He placed a coffee on the desk.

Drinks weren't allowed near the computers or equipment but he was breaking his own rules.

"It's a thank you for helping me the other night when I was dying." He said.

"Ahh, thanks. I needed this." You held the cup between your sweater paws and moved to the couch.

There was a clear awkwardness in the air, but it was minimal. Nowadays it didn't feel so weird being around him. He seemed to be opening up. He actually made small talk occasionally.

"You didn't sleep well?" He asked.

"There was a couple arguing all night....They were really loud."

"What were they arguing about?" He asked, seemingly amused.

You looked at him. Was he really curious about something like this?

He scratched the back of his head. "It was over something stupid right? People in relationships provide stupid entertainment sometimes."

"It was pointless." You agreed. "One suspected the other of cheating. Once it gets to that point, there's no need to keep each other tied up. The endless fighting...it's so annoying."

He nodded. "What are they holding on to?...It's like a seesaw game that never ends. Not until one of them finally gives up."

"That's a good metaphor."

"Maybe I'll turn it into a song..."

"Maybe you should."

_______

"Your girlfriend?" You were a bit surprised but not that alarmed. It was Jungkook after all.

"Don't you see how natural this is?" His fingers curled in between yours. "How natural this always was? How could you not fall in love with your best friend?"

You stared at your hands intertwined.

He was right.

You two were always near each other, as if it was somehow necessary.

It was just the way you two were.

Being around him always felt right. Weirdly enough, you sought each other out a lot but that's what best friends do right?

Everyone had a best friend growing up, perhaps more than one, but Jungkook felt like the best of them all.

At the same time, he was more than that. He was the only person to just get you. There was no awkward getting to know each other phase. He just understood everything about you so easily.

He was your best friend and soulmate by definition.

Realizing this was a huge however.

You wondered if this was the type of love that people said lasted forever. Was he, the one? Did you really fall in love with your best friend?

Is this what that kind of love was supposed to feel like? Not overwhelming but natural.

Was it supposed to feel simple and genuine, as if it was always present from the start?

Admittedly throughout your time with him, there had been a few instances in which you found him making your heart flutter. On the other hand, it wasn't something you thought about too deeply.

You figured it was a normal occurrence with someone you felt so close to. You felt close to all of them but Jungkook was just...different.

You didn't remember how your romantic relationship began but it started making sense.

Jungkook knew everything about you after all.

A lingering fear and hurt still resided in your heart from your previous relationship with ****. A relationship you preferred to forget, if at all possible, but Jungkook knew about it.

He was the only one that knew about it. You trusted him with your life. At this point there were no secrets between the two of you.

Hopefully he knew just how much you cared.

You didn't know for sure if Jungkook was the one, although, you couldn't help but come to terms with the fact that it was entirely possible.

Jungkook somehow got under your skin. Of all people, he made you fall in love....

It seemed like the strangest yet most sensible thing.

Jungkookie...

The guy who would tease and annoy you somtimes was just Jungkook now, the guy who was able to comfort you when you felt so small and dumb. The guy who made sure to check up on you every few hours. The guy who could make you laugh wholeheartedly but also someone you could have deep conversations with.

Now he was looking at you with those not so innocent eyes, telling you how normal this all is.

You hated romance in the cheesy sense, but if he made up some terrible pet name then you wouldn't mind hearing it come from him.

Why were you so blind to his feelings in the first place?

You felt like a bad friend for not seeing it sooner. For not understanding his feelings as they were manifesting themselves right in front of your eyes.

You smiled. "Well, people always say that if you end up with your best friend then you're one of the lucky ones...I'll admit, the idea of us being together crossed my mind occasionally...at random times but that's normal between best friends right? It wasn't something I thought about too often, but I never outright hated the idea either."

"That's exactly why we agreed to try it out...." His eyes lit up but then he became more serious. "...When you disappeared, I thought you left me and everything else behind. I blamed myself for doing too much, or for not doing enough. I thought things were going well." He stroked your cheek with his thumb. "I thought you were happy...You can't force emotions like that. I know you loved me."

He thought you were faking it, and left. How heartbroken he must have been. That why he hesitated when he walked in.

He didn't know what to do.

The way he was looking at you now, the way he was holding your face in his hand, it all felt new. It felt real.

You liked staring into his eyes, confirming all his sincerity.

"Why would you think I was capable of doing that to you? I don't remember us being together together, but I trust you more than anyone else. I care about you more than anyone else." You sat up and reached for his hand again.

"I've always felt the same way...but the night you went missing...I thought the worst of you." He said, feeling a bit ashamed. His eyes wandered away a bit. "I thought you left because of that other guy..."

He was biting his lips now and you knew he was still upset. Not at you anymore but at himself.

"Hey," You squeezed his hand. "He has nothing to do with us. If anything, as a friend, you've helped me move on. I'm sure that as more than a friend, you also helped me move on from him. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize this but I'm more sorry that I don't remember us."

"We can start over. We can take things slow."

You smirked. "Look at us. We're sharing a bed and it's not the first time. I remember our late night gaming sessions."

"I haven't even touched our games since you left...but one of those nights, things changed. That was when we began an official relationship." He recalled.

"Really?" You listened attentively.

"We probably drank too much but I think the alcohol made us brave."

"How so?"

"We talked for a bit. It started getting chilly so I gave you my sweater."

You couldn't help but smirk. "A real gentleman."

"I was shivering but then you looked at me and said I was getting more handsome everyday."

You laughed. "No way."

"You did!" He pouted as he spoke. "After a while there was no space between us...just like now..............I leaned in.............like this." He said, reenacting that night. He was staring at your lips as he got closer.

"Jungkook..." You said anxiously and he smiled.

"Right, that's exactly what you said..so I stopped. Like I said, we can take it slow." He leaned back.

You couldn't help but ask. "Did we.....?....um..."

Suddenly he became smug. "Do the devil's tango together?"

You sighed, blushing bright red and he started cracking up.

"No, no. What do you take me for?"

"No, I'm just confused about...." You sighed. "I need to be completely honest with you first."

"Okay, tell me. What are you thinking?"

"I know I had a slight, tiny crush on Yoongi. One I never acted upon or even acknowledge most of the time...You know, maybe it was because I worked with him a lot, I probably just wanted to get closer to him............You know how he was before, he hated me. If I agreed to be your girlfriend then most likely I was over it, 100%, but it was something I remembered and thought you should know."

He nodded but he seemed disappointed. "I know. We talked about it...but there's something you need to know."

"What?" You asked worriedly.

He sighed. "You might be surprised but if you really think about it, you won't be surprised at all..."

Lost, you looked at him expectantly.

"Yoongi didn't renew his contract. The deadline was a few weeks ago and he didn't sign the new contract."

It took you a moment to process what he said.

Even then, you didn't believe it.

Yoongi wasn't into the whole fame and fortune thing but music was his life. He liked working on Bangtan's music.

All things aside, objectively watching him as a professional, it was clear how much he loved to work as a producer.

He never came off as the type to disregard the impact this would have on everyone; the guys, the fans.

"He didn't renew?...." You repeated, attempting to make sense of it but to no avail. "Why? How? How could he do that?"

"I don't know what's going to happen next but I think Bang PD will try to talk to him. He might try to persuade him to sign."

"I want to talk to him. Maybe I can persuade him to change his mind, I don't know, do something." You said.

"He doesn't want to deal with anyone right now. It was always obvious he never really had his heart in Bangtan."

"But anyone with a heart wouldn't turn their back on their fans. Making music, it's something that you can't just let go of either." You explained.

Sure, you didn't feel super close to Yoongi but you just knew how he felt about music.

Jungkook could only understand a parallel of how much music means to you, and to Yoongi.

Jungkook loved singing but he was still learning to create music from scratch. Yoongi had that undeniable passion for making music that you understood, because that feeling was the sole reason you became a producer in the first place.

"Well he did, and he's screwing all of us over at the same time."

This was the end, wasn't it?

"No. Sad as it is, your career is far from over. You would do great as a solo artist and Bang PD wouldn't let you go even if you wanted to." You answered.

He shook his head. "That's a conversation for another time. Let's not talk about this now. I don't want you to worry. Get some rest so you can recover quickly."

He laid back again.

"How can I not worry? How can I not be sad? I want things to be okay. You guys are my life now."

"They will be. If not, you still have me."

"What about everything and everyone else?"

"Don't cry..." He whispered. "Don't cry because of him. You're tired. Just listen to my voice. Even if this is the end, I will always keep singing just for you. I'll try my hardest to make you happy."

You were surprised by his words. Being consoled by him was a relatively new feeling.

You weren't embarrassed anymore...and actually liked this new side of him. You could almost believe him.

You hid your face in his side and quietly let the tears roll down your cheeks as he started humming. His hand rubbed your back and he began singing some of the covers he recorded before with your help.

After that moment you confirmed your feelings for him because you needed him more than ever, and he needed you.

The both of you were about to lose the thing you loved the most.

It was instant how desperate you became to keep him by your side.

He was trying to be strong about this and his first priority was you.

If he broke down then you would do anything to ease his pain, he knew that...or at least you wanted him to know.

Only for tonight you would be selfish and let him baby you.

Only for that night did you allow yourself to feel the pain of fear and uncertainty hanging above your head.

_____

You woke up before him.

The nurse came in quietly and checked your vitals. You just stared at Jungkook sleeping so soundly, it was hard too look away.

Angry tears rolled down your cheeks. A part of you felt bad for him, but you didn't understand why.

You went to the bathroom and washed up before breakfast came around. He would surely wake up if he smelled food with his sensitive sense of smell.

In the meantime you began to pack, absolutely sure that you would be discharged that day.

Thankfully Jungkook left his phone on the side table so you quickly reached for it. To be safe, you locked yourself in the bathroom.

Yoongi's number wasn't in his contacts anymore but you had memorized it a while ago.

"How much longer are you going to torture us? Let me see her. Let me see her you sick fu-" He answered but you interrupted him.

"Yoongi." You breathed, breaking down.

"Y/N?" He said, surprised to hear your voice. "Y/N, where are you exactly? I'm coming right now. Don't hang up."

You heard someone yell after him but his footsteps were already echoing loudly through the phone as he ran through the halls.

"On the sixth floor. Room 509. He's here with me. Yoongi please don't hurt him. I just want to go home."

"They're going to try to arrest me. Get out of the room. You can help me explain everything." He was breathing rapidly as he sprinted up the stairs.

You rushed out of the bathroom and grabbed your things.

Jungkook began stirring awake and with the commotion that began to build outside, you knew Yoongi was only a few seconds away.

You weren't scared. Jungkook wouldn't do anything if he caught you trying to leave. He would never make you fearful but despite his actions, he's only made you worry.

It always took him a while to come to his senses when he's waking up so you just remained calm and placed his phone back on the small table besides him.

Then you walked out of the room, colliding into Yoongi's arms.

"Thank God you remembered." He breathed, and you could feel his heart pounding. He held you so tightly it almost hurt but you didn't care.

That moment was so surreal and you felt how serious the situation was then. No longer did you sympathize with Jungkook who seemed like a lost kid, making dumb mistakes.

He became someone capable of hurting the ones he loved the most.

Seeing Yoongi in such a state was heartbreaking.

"I can't believe this happened." You whimpered. "I can't believe he went that far.

He held you closer than ever. "It's over. I'm here. You're okay now. I never thought I'd be able to say I love you again. I thought you forgot about us."

You sobbed into his arms, apologizing uselessly and the cops stopped in there tracks as soon as they saw you guys together.

"Miss, are you sure that this man is your boyfriend? Your guardian specifically stated he was not allowed near you for safety purposes." The officer said.

"My guardian is the one who shouldn't be near me. I can explain everything. Please let my friends come upstairs too."

The doctor finally showed up, short of breath from trying to catch up.

"Get us a room and keep him away from us." Yoongi said sternly.

"Sign here." The doctor looked at everyone with a shocked look on his face. He was definitely flustered. "It's a form that changes guardianship."

You quickly took it from his hands and just then Jungkook rushed out of the room.

"Y/N." He said, only looking at you, only focusing on you and nothing or no one else. "What are you doing?" He stepped forward.

You squeezed Yoongi's hand, warning him, pleading that he wouldn't do anything, that he wouldn't react. If at any time you wished for him to read your mind, it was then.

Somehow he stayed frozen in place. Somehow he got the message.

When Jungkook stepped closer, you fell to the floor, scared that he would even dare touch your hand.

That's all it took for the cops to confirm that Jungkook needed to be kept away from you.

Jungkook didn't look at Yoongi, at the doctor, or at the cops. His eyes held yours as you got up again, but his expression was that of pure agony.

"Y/N, don't leave me." He said. "No, you can't do this. Y/N, listen to me."

You couldn't look away from his teary eyes but you never squeezed someone's hand so tight. Yoongi squeezed back, placing his other hand on the small of your back reassuringly.

"Y/N he lied to you. He broke your heart. I saw it in your eyes. I swear on everything that I will never hurt you. Y/N, remember what you said about us. Y/N, PLEASE." He begged.

"Y/N." Yoongi spoke and you finally tore your gaze away from Jungkook who was now being escorted away.

Yoongi's strength was the only thing keeping you upright. He even covered your ears.

You couldn't find the words to say how heartbroken you were that this was all happening. That your best friend was the cause of this mess.

Everything you had just convinced yourself of being true was pure bullshit and he let you believe it.

You were too distraught to sign anything. Yoongi was trying to calm you down but it wasn't until the rest of the guys showed up that you felt surrounded by a shield of protection from hurt again. They were there for you at a moment when you needed them the most.

"Sign it. We can go home after the doctor confirms that you're okay." Yoongi assured you.

You nodded and signed the paper. It felt like you were signing away your friendship with Jungkook. It was the beginning of the end with him.

The guys stayed by your side as the doctor did his routine check up. After an hour or so, the rest of the paperwork was filled out, mostly by Yoongi.

There was silence as they walked you to the van. There was silence when you arrived home with Yoongi.

There was silence for a few days as you slipped into a depression that made you feel lifeless.

Yoongi understood that you needed time but he never left your side and you didn't want him to.

You remembered how it was before with him. Sometimes words weren't necessary. Just being by his side was more than any comfort in the world.

He cared for you in more ways than you were used to. He cooked and cleaned, and he even took extra time out of his schedule just to stay home a few more hours a day.

You would just lie in bed or on the couch, watching old movies that didn't have much substance to them.

It felt wrong that a few days ago you were in Jungkook's arms, admitting that you had feelings for him.

"....Where is Jungkook?...." You asked quietly one night at the dinner table.

Yoongi looked up from his plate, surprised to hear you speak about him for the first time since the hospital.

"Bang PD sent him home for a few months."

You didn't say anything else. Obviously the company made some excuse as to why the group was pushing back the comeback date.

Still....Yoongi didn't bring up the fact that he didn't renew the contract. Last thing you remembered was that you guys saw things differently on his decision not to renew.

"I don't know how to begin explaining what happened in that room." You felt your lips tremble.

"Then don't. What matters now is clearing things up. Ask me anything. Do you remember everything?"

"I remember everything." You assured him.

"So you remember how disappointed you were with me?" He avoided your gaze as he asked you that.

"I don't blame you for doing what you think is best. I feel like I wasn't supportive enough. Bangtan is over now. I have to get used to it."

"Do you still love me?" He watched your eyes carefully now.

"Of course I do....I just don't know what's wrong. He broke something in me."

"I'm sorr-"

"Don't apologise....and don't ask me if I still love you. You did nothing wrong."

"I just needed confirmation. You look at me differently."

"I know........He made me realize that there are still walls between us. There are things I haven't told you. Things I've always been too scared to talk about."

"That's a relief." He stated.

"A relief? What do you mean?"

"It means you still want to seem perfect to me. As long as you still love me, you'll keep feeling that way."

You thought about it and he was right. For the first time since leaving that hospital you felt something else besides shame.

"Is it the same for you?"

He nodded. "I try really hard to seem perfect but I failed many times already..."

You almost laughed. "No.....Think about it this way...in my eyes, I messed up more than you have. You're still pretty perfect."

"It's okay if you need time to tell me everything. I know this isn't a trust issue thing. I understand you. We're more alike that you think."

His words made you feel more comfortable again.

You guys cleaned up and got ready for bed. He was excited to show you a few things that you had missed in regards to the company, the general population and songs he's been working on.

He was still giving it his all these last few months and it was his way of thanking his fans.

"Was it hard? Waiting for me this whole time..." You asked, wondering how crazy it must have been for him.

"It was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. I was losing my mind. No one knew where you were for weeks. The company found out that you were in the hospital only after Jungkook did. I rushed right over but he made sure no one was allowed to see you."

"I woke up that morning...and I remembered everything. To be honest it was overwhelming. It's like I fell in love with you and found out you quit all at once. Then I realized what he did to me and...." Stupid tears brimmed your eyes.

"The people closest to you can hurt you the most. Everyone knows that. He knew that, and he didn't care. He was never your friend in the first place. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you won't feel hurt anymore."

"It's hard to think about it that way. He was my friend before you were."

"I could say the same thing and look at how fast his loyalty disappeared."

"That's true." You felt a bit of your self-pity diminish.

"There's a lot I haven't told you. I don't want you to feel guilty for hiding stuff from me. It's normal. You don't have to tell me all your darkest secrets and thoughts right away. The only thing this should tell you is that you're still processing whatever happened."

"I guess I'm also embarrassed when it comes to explaining the stupid things that have happened to me. It's hard for us to have deep conversations in the first place. We don't like to show weakness."

"We're not perfect. We can only try to be vulnerable sometimes."

"Tell me something. Tell me something about you that you've been hiding. I'll do the same."

"You go first." He tried to switch it on you.

You contemplated telling him your whole reason for being there in the first place but it was too heavy of a topic to bring up now.

"Something embarrassing?" You asked.

"The most embarrassing." He smirked.

You inhaled and felt your eyebrows furrow in a worry.

"I'm being sarcastic." He pulled you onto his lap and you shook your head.

"No, I'm not going to chicken out. Let me think."

He seemed amused but you told him not to laugh no matter what.

"Let me think too." He said, getting ready to be just as vulnerable.

You took a deep breath and finally looked into his eyes.

"Min Yoongi...." You began.

He sat there attentively.

"When you go to sleep....."

His eyes began squinting with each word that came out of your mouth.

"I take a picture of you because I think you look really cute."

"That's it?" He asked with a chuckle. "...I guess you lost all those pictures then huh? I'll get you a new phone tomorrow."

"You don't think it's weird?"

He placed his hand on your cheek and shook his head. "I do the same."

"What?!" You exclaimed. "No way. Let me see your phone."

He laughed wholeheartedly and admitted that he was just kidding.

"I don't look pretty to you when I'm drooling or what?" You asked, feeling the embarrassment now.

"Of course you do. I live in front of the camera so using it just feels weird to me. I'd rather look at you with my own eyes. Do you want to hear my secret now?"

"Mhm." You forgot your own embarrassment and got excited to hear what he had to say. You had to remind yourself to take him seriously because that's what this was about. Being vulnerable and getting closer.

"Y/N......this is embarrassing only because I haven't really known how to initiate things between us."

"Initiate things?" You repeated.

"I think you're so pretty.... that sometimes I have to hide how excited you make me feel.....if you understand what I'm referring to."

"Even at work?" You asked, watching his cheeks get red.

"Yeah....." He admitted. "Even at work sometimes."

You giggled and hid your face in his neck, unable to make eye contact. There was a tiny silence as you thought of how to respond.

"Well.....it's not that hard to just initiate something....I mean we are together...and I'm not opposed to sex before marriage or anything like that....You know that I'm not a virgin, and I know that you aren't either.....we're both adults here...and I obviously see you in the same way..." You were rambling but it gave him time to think.

"I know it's dumb. I'm not the type to shy away from these sort of things."

You sat up again and met his eyes. "Then what makes you so hesitant with me?"

"You're so fucking beautiful Y/N." He said, almost as if he was complaining.

You felt your breath hitch and your heart race.

"I don't think I can handle rejection well from you." He chuckled.

"You have a lot of pride." You laughed as you straddled him.

"Be careful." He warned.

"I'm not doing anything." You stated. "Pride looks good on you...."

"Apparently it turns you on." He teased.

"I'm not turned on." You laughed. "I just think it's good that we talk about this."

"Alright......music or no music?" He asked.

"Doesn't matter to me. If there is music I like it really low." You replied.

"Same....What about dirty talk?"

"It makes me laugh if it's not at the right moment."

"Is that a bad thing though?" He joked.

"Laughing during sex? No." You giggled. "Mmm....what about whips and chains?"

"Are you into that?!" He seemed surprised.

"No." You laughed. "But I do like being submissive...make me feel small. Make me feel like you're the one in charge."

"That I can do." He assured. "I like talking to you like this. You scared me these past few days. I finally got you back but you were so quiet."

"I was scared but now I'm not....I hate crying in front of you. I hate when you see me as a weak person. That embarrasses me the most."

"I never think of you as a weak person. You're the opposite of that actually. It's why I started liking you in the first place. You're not afraid to speak your mind and defend your opinion."

"We're both stubborn like that." You shrugged.

He exhaled. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

___________

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symphonic--chaos · 5 years ago

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Fandoms: The Magicians / The Umbrella Academy / Shadowhunters crossover, mundane college AU Pairings: Eliot/Klaus, Alec/Magnus, mentions of Klaus/Dave, Eliot/Quentin Song Inspo: First Time (Acoustic) - Seven Lions

Little story that takes place some time after Get Higher

Also posted on AO3

Klaus's fingers hesitated within an inch of a dark brown curl that shifted ever so slightly on the warm, pale, skin of Eliot's forehead every time the fan rotated their way. The doors of the balcony were wide open behind it, the warm breeze of a summer morning coming through to wash over bare skin. Klaus's body only half covered by the gold colored silk sheets that Eliot loved so much, and that Klaus thought were wholly expensive and unnecessary, but he knew that Eliot loved them and, well, he loved Eliot, so he went with it. His fingertips finally touched the curl, a featherlight caress to brush it away from the other man's forehead.

Love was a terrifying subject for the both of them.

They both knew it, clung to it, lost it, and they both had their own hesitations on sharing not only that past with each other, but that emotion. Despite that fear though, they had trust. Almost a year of college, a year of being 'roommates', they trusted each other. Had Klaus known they would have wound up here, now, he wouldn't have been as hesitant and walled off towards '21C - Eliot Waugh' the day he walked into the room and met eyes with him. May have less insulted when Eliot had eyed him up and down and hummed. Klaus had impeccable taste after all.

Now here they were, learning each other still after almost a year. Here they were breaking down walls and building them back up, just around each other. And Margo, of course. Eliot had made it very clear that they were a 2-for-1, that she was his right hand, his best friend, his Queen Margo. Klaus had gone along with it because well, she was stunning and he liked her spunk- a reason she had supposedly given others on why she liked Klaus.

"Morning," came the quiet voice from beside where Klaus's arm had him propped up beside Eliot.

Klaus looked down to the beautiful hazel eyes peering up at him from behind half-lidded eyes. The smile that crossed Klaus's lips seemed like such a natural response at this point, one that sometimes alarmed him because it would come just from Eliot walking in the room. It was foreign, something that Reginald would have certainly questioned him on, would have asked him what he'd taken this time and to wipe the silly grin off his face. A smile Eliot never questioned, only ever mirrored.

"Morning," Klaus replied, his fingers trailing from where the curl had been, down along Eliot's temple, cheekbone, the slightly stubbly lower cheek and jawline.

Eliot placed a kiss to Klaus's thumb when it caressed over his bottom lip, though it was soon replaced by a gentle press of Klaus's lips, followed by a second, third, fourth, and with a grab and a roll accompanied by an amused giggle, Eliot had Klaus hovering over him. A pleased sigh was passed into the kiss before Klaus broke away, looking at the man below him, his heart feeling...oddly full. Warm.

"I love you."

The words spilled from Klaus's lips before he could stop them. It had been something they'd been working on, but had never actually said- it was just something he knew they could tell from the way they looked at each other. A pang of guilt suddenly hit him as he looked down at the dogtags that rested on Eliot's chest, the look that Eliot seemed to catch.

"Hey," Eliot's fingers gently curled under Klaus's chin as he tilted his face up, his thumb resting on lips that parted to apologize. "It's okay to love both of us. It's okay to never lose that. You know it's the same for me, that it's someone I'll never lose."

A short breath left Klaus as it felt like a weight lifted off of him, all his fears and insecurities lifted in just a couple sentences.

"Dave... Will always be here." Klaus said as he sat on Elliot's lower half, his hand taking the dogtags Dave had been wearing when he died and closed around them, before that fist went over his heart. His other hand moved to press flat over Elliot's heart. "And Quentin will always be here."

"And we'll always remember them." Eliot said quietly, his eyes stinging with tears, much like he could see in Klaus's eyes at that moment.

"And we'll remember and honor them every day."

"Because Dave would have told you, and Quentin would have told me, to keep going and living our lives, to find a new love. That they'd always be here, still."

Klaus's breath caught as he thought of Dave, the day he'd met him at the art gallery Klaus had only attended to look at the colors while high. The way his cologne smelled, how shiny white his teeth were and how his laughter was infectious. Dave was a recent graduate that was just sworn into the army, who was excited for basic, but more excited about taking Klaus on a date. He remembered that day, almost a year later, on the street when two different gangs had broken out into a fight. The way their eyes had locked when Klaus heard the first gunshot and had grabbed Dave, pulling him to safety behind a car. Klaus could still smell the blood, he could still hear Dave's labored breath, he heard his own screams for help ringing in his ears.

Eliot had told Klaus about Quentin plenty, someone he'd attended another college with- one Eliot hadn't even finished his first year before the incident. Eliot had said it'd been a slow burn at first, before it became a confusing tango that had ended with a desire that was unrivaled. How Quentin had just become the one, how he'd just known and right when Quentin had approached him about his feelings, Eliot shut down, turned away. Klaus had almost felt just as devastated the day Eliot told him that there had been a freak accident in one of the Chem classes, an explosion of glass. Quentin had saved lives that day by pushing the student that caused it out of the way. Quentin had given his own life to save others.

Klaus leaned into Eliot's hand when it came up to cup his cheek, Eliot smiling as Klaus's facial hair tickled his palm. Elliot's voice was soft, smooth when he spoke up next, only coming once their eyes met again, his smile bright and as true as his words.

"I love you, too."

-------

"You CHEATED!" Magnus's voice roared, his hand moving to shove Alec's shoulder as Alec's laughter rang through the room.

Yoshi spun out of control and into a wall after crossing the finish line, Alec's screen showing Mario zipping through the track with 1st displayed proudly on the screen. Magnus tossed the controller onto the couch beside him and glowered at Alec, still laughing, who then put down the controller and lifted his hands to cup Magnus's face.

"Babe, I didn't cheat, you just really suc--"

"ALEXANDER, DO NOT--"

"REALLY, REALLY SUCK AT MARIO KART!" Alec near yelled over Magnus as his laughter continued, even when Magnus gave out a frustrated yell and tackled him back and onto the couch.

"FUCK YOU!" Magnus faked strangling Alec, who had tears in his eyes and a pain in his stomach from laughing so hard.

The table beside them rattled, with college books slipping and sliding off, and the couch groaned in protest, its legs scraped on the wooden floor as their bodies fell onto the floor. Now Magnus couldn't help but laugh, the two of them a tangled mess of limbs, trapped between the two pieces of furniture. Alec was gasping for breath, unable to break the smile from his face. A long arm lifted to push the table back a bit to give them room, Alec's body moving to half lean over Magnus, his fingers brushing back a loose lock of hair that defied the positioning of the other gelled spikes.

"What?" Magnus asked with a bright smile when his eyes met Alec's, noticing that his boyfriend was staring intently at him.

Alec was silent still, his eyes sweeping over the smooth complexion of Magnus's face, the way his five o'clock shadow was coming in (Eliot and Margo were pushing him to grow it out so they could see what the 'babyface' turned into), the way his smile lit up his whole face and even made that sparkle in his eye brighter. There was a flush of warmth that rushed through him and suddenly his mouth was dry.

"I..."

Alec watched as Magnus's eyebrows furrowed, shifted, his body propped on an elbow as his free hand moved to cup Alec's cheek, the worry evident and taking away that sunshine that Alec loved so much about him.

"Alec, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong, Magnus, I just..." Alec started before his lips pressed against Magnus's forehead, another pressed to the tip of his nose, and a final one pressed to his lips. It lingered there until he pulled back just an inch, their foreheads now pressed together, Alec wanting nothing more than to ease that worried look on Magnus's face.

"I love you."

The words seemed to do the trick, the worry replaced by shock, then that beautiful warmth. From what Magnus had told him before, the last time he'd been told that by anyone was before he'd lost his family to the car accident when he was a child. Coming from a family that was mostly tight-knit, with a mother that never failed to remind her three how much she loved them, daily, Alec couldn't imagine what it was like. Growing up bounced between foster homes, fighting to get where he was, for the scholarships Magnus had earned, all while never having family to support him... But now, here, Alec meant them, wholeheartedly, and luckiest for him, Magnus's face said it all- he believed him, and the kisses to follow backed that up.

"I love you, too, Alec."

Six months together had been a whirlwind and Magnus had known from early in that he was falling for Alec, that it would be nearly impossible for him to even try to fight those feelings. Everything Alec did was so completely opposite from how he'd been treated by anyone else growing up, Alec always made him feel welcome, wanted, even when he was busy. It was waiting outside of the class hall just to say hi between classes, it was making sure to pick up something extra during lunch and bringing it to the library when he knew Magnus was cramming. It was the way Alec didn't care what others or his team thought when their fingers linked in the hallway when Magnus would meet up with Alec to walk to his next class.

If someone had told him, when he was in his junior year of school, that the person who was on the varsity soccer team, who was an utter dick to people and always in a terrible mood, was actually this... Real Alec he was getting to learn more about every day, he wouldn't have believed them. Surely that hesitation to care about even getting to know him was evident when Jace and Clary brought Alec down from the floor above his dorm room, but with a gentle nudge from Eliot and the two of them having to care for heavily drunk and high friends after a party, it was like Alec was a whole new person.

Alec pressed another kiss to Magnus's lips before he shifted to stand, his hands taking Magnus's to help him up as well. Magnus had forgotten all about the game at this point, that was until Alec motioned to the idling TV and gave him a crooked grin.

"Wanna play again? I'll let you win this time..." The suggestive offer ended with a grunt as Magnus shoved him playfully, Alec laughing as he caught Magnus's arms, tugging him so they were chest to chest.

"How about we play again and the winner gets..."

The sweet look Magnus had given him just moments before during their confessions had been replaced by something that had Alec's brows raising in intrigued surprise. Magnus always loved catching Alec off guard like this, seeing that shocked reaction whenever he suggested something sexual. It was exactly why he didn't do it often, despite all the opportunities and windows that had been left open for him.

"Oh. Oh yes. Yes, let's do that. Right now." Alec nodded as he shifted sideways to sit down on the couch again. Magnus was pulled into his lap as a controller was thrust into his hands, Alec's chin coming to rest on his shoulder when he slouched down just enough to let him see.

#malec #klaus hargreeves x Eliot waugh #college au

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village-skeptic · 6 years ago

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on “having it both ways”: thinking about S2 and looking ahead to S3

So apparently once a year I end up latching on to Riverdale pre-season promo and having WAY TOO MUCH to say about it.

Image analysis, pop-culture riffing, S2 criticism, meditations on resistant reading, my own discomfort with “wrongfully accused” narratives in this particular historical moment, and some hopes on the literal eve of the S3 premiere, below the cut...

So, last week when this piece of promo dropped, the very first thing that I thought of was the visual reference to Chicago and the Cell-Block Tango.

(I didn’t do it! - but if I’d done it? - how could you tell me that I was wrong?)

HOW perfect is that homage? The red lighting, the raised arms? The promo still just FEELS like a snapshot from a Fosse dance routine. (A little more on legendary choreographer Bob Fosse here.)

It’s a defiant pose, right in the center of the frame, but a slightly vulnerable one at the same time. There’s nothing hidden here; everything’s on display. The pose draws the viewer’s eyes inescapably to the body - a muscled body, but one which here seems like a gymnast or dancer’s body: lithe figure, tapered waist, power that is channeled into performance.

youtube

(this is tasty; this is plenty; this is hungry work)

So, on a first pass, insofar as it puts this demonstrative male body on display, it’s a little bit of a subversive image, I think. And that’s well in line with the way that Riverdale so often courts the female (and/or gay male) gaze, and at its best does some really unusual stuff with masculinity.

I thought about all of this - and then, silly me, I saw that this piece of promo was NOT a still, but is, instead, a short clip.

Archie doing pull-ups on the prison bars, as another heavily muscled dude saunters behind him, reads to me like a completely different type of performance! To the degree that it invites the eye, it sends the message: don’t fuck with me. In motion, we have purely the pursuit of greater strength, the purging of weakness in favor of the means of self-protection.

Instead of Chicago, my mind jumps to 3x01′s title source: Fortune and Men’s Eyes. Dominate or be dominated.

Realistically, I’m willing to believe that the ambiguous interpretation here between “still” and clip is just a quirk of how it happened to be uploaded to Twitter by a social media intern.

Still - the interpretative gulf between the still image and the image in motion got me thinking how often Riverdale seems to want to “have it both ways,” and what that does to the audience’s experience and expectations of the show.

For instance:

Other people have written at length about how Riverdale’s pursuit of aesthetic homage or plot contrivance has created character inconsistencies that occasionally baffle. Cheryl is alternately a tragic Gothic heroine and a lacquered, ruthless Mean Girl; Jughead is both a sensitive loner writer and also a bad-boy gang leader; Betty is both Betty and Dark Betty. (GOD.)

Other folks have discussed how the show needs to really play out the consequences of conflicts between the characters. It’s not that the show shouldn’t drop bombshells like the Bughead breakup(s) or the conflict between Betty and Veronica/Jughead and Archie, but it seems all too willing to reset back to milkshakes in a booth at Pop’s without doing enough work to explain WHY things are okay again. (See also: resolving major conflicts between characters literally with a song.)

The desire to “have it both ways” also really shows up in the show’s tendency to engage complicated issues (racism, sexism, colonialism, the prison-industrial complex) on a shallow level - thus getting credit for mentioning them, without really taking the time to explore them meaningfully or to explain the characters’ investment in them.

The result of this, in terms of storytelling, is that you leave a lot of room for resistant (even combative) readings of the text to emerge. To name a few of my own:

frustration with Jughead’s acceptance of what feels like a suuuuper patriarchal role as “the Serpent Prince” (and later King)

the fact that it’s really hard to sympathize with Veronica throughout entire swathes of season 2

a profound opposition to a storyline that sexualizes Betty’s mental health issues in a really exploitative fashion

And then... there’s Archie.

In the “Cell Block Tango,” the murderesses of Chicago (bar one) get to justify their crimes. Conversely, as we open the third season of Riverdale, the audience knows that Archie’s being blamed for something he didn’t do. Despite bragging about it (!!) to a bunch of mobsters (!!!!), Archie is not guilty of the murder of Cassidy Bullock.

...but he IS guilty of so! many! other! things! across Season 2. I’m sure I’m forgetting some, but aiding and abetting a criminal, covering up a murder, blowing up a car, and forming an extralegal vigilante militia group - TWICE - all come to mind.

The last bits of S2 offer us a version of Archie’s amends-making that comes in the form of defending the Serpents, turning on Hiram, supporting his father, et cetera. And then the very last image of S2 - Archie being clapped in cuffs right at the moment that he’s supposed to be sworn into office - is meant to distress us.

But a season of watching Archie embrace fascism leaves some marks, y’all. And a not insignificant portion of the audience, still frustrated with the character’s choices, couldn’t help but say - well, he had it coming.

So, yeah. It’s been a few months between the close of S2 and the open of S3, and in most cases that would be enough time for me to sit with the story in and of itself, to consider more broadly where it had failed or succeeded, and to allow some of that “resistant reader” response to drain away.

But real talk, you guys: I’m finding it really hard right now, at this moment in American history, to connect emotionally with the story of a young man trying to fight the charges of which he has been wrongfully-yet-ever-so-plausibly accused.

[Please note, I am NOT trying to say that RAS is somehow trying to weigh in explicitly on the SCOTUS debacle. The S2 finale laying the groundwork for this plot aired this spring, and S3E1 has (presumably?) been in the can for a while now. And, to its credit, Riverdale has in both seasons explicitly criticized a sexual culture that objectifies young women and reduces them to “points” (the football team’s playbook) and to prey (Nick St. Clair).]

But, for me personally, I can’t help looking at this plot and hearing echoes of “It's a very scary time for young men in America when you can be guilty of something you may not be guilty of.”

Here’s the interesting thing: I think RAS knows this, and I think the promo around this plot is partially designed to try to dispel these connections.

(For me, at least, it’s having mixed results.)

(source)

For instance, I can’t look at this still (young man, formal suit intended to project good character and youthful vulnerability, sullen face, flanked by counsel) without thinking, “Wow, this feels....Brock Turner-y.”

I don’t know if anyone’s written about courtroom photos and sketches as a genre of visual composition, but I feel like I’ve seen variations of the Riverdale still a million times, often printed on the front page of the local university newspaper, discussing the controversy over the conviction (or NON-conviction) of a promising young athlete accused of something awful that no one who knows him EVER would have suspected he would do. (Nice boy, nice family, so many extracurriculars, such good grades!)

Of course, there’s a major difference between the photos above: Archie’s defense team is entirely female.

Obviously this makes sense because Mary Andrews and Sierra McCoy are both major supporting characters who are also lawyers - but it also makes sense in trying to dismantle some of the potential gut reactions to this visual framing. There’s some “innocence by association” going on here, I think. And after all, Archie IS innocent of this particular crime!

This still lands with mixed effect for me though, because any defense strategy that suggests the intentional composition of a visual tableau feels inherently cynical, even when the character is sympathetic or innocent.

For instance: I just watched The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, which features a scene where the main character shows up in the courtroom in full Upper West Side respectable regalia to try to get the obscenity charges against her dismissed - she fails and ends up having to plead guilty, because she mouths off at the judge. Anyone who’s familiar with Amy Sherman-Palladino’s work will recognize this bones of this plot point in the courtroom scene in Gilmore Girls: Rory’s grandparents’/lawyer’s attempt to portray her as a naive little angel backfires, and she ends up getting a ton of community service as penance for stealing a boat. It’s important to note that the characters are both guilty of their charges - although, as another favorite show of mine might note, “the situation’s a lot more nuanced than that.”)

(source | source)

Another way in which the pre-season promo is distancing Archie from both his actions last season, and the present context external to the show, is to emphasize his profound contrition. In this teaser from Riverdale 3x01, we get Archie declaring that “whatever happens to me in the courtroom on Tuesday - that is what I deserve.” This a statement of universal guilt and responsibility (one might say martyrdom?) that goes well beyond the scope of his actual infractions.

Now - I really, really appreciate that we’re getting a sad Archie rather than a mad Archie. And I want to acknowledge that he’s so definitely a kid here, trying hard to “man up” and to grapple with the fact that he screwed up big time and that there are consequences for his actions. After a season of doing the wrong thing over and over and OVER again, he’s trying to do the right thing.

But here’s the thing: Fred responds to this confession of near-universal guilt with what (in this snippet) feels like a pair of universally-exculpatory statements: “You are a good kid. You got manipulated by a mobster.” (Mary is more nuanced: “You do not deserve to be framed for murder.”)

Archie does not deserve to be framed for murder, and he certainly did get manipulated by a mobster. In fact, I would like to formally start a petition to have Archie not fall under the control of an unscrupulous adult in S3!

However.

Instead of accepting guilt for anything and everything and being immediately absolved for non-specific sins because of his inherent “goodness,” I really want to know that Archie understands what he actually DID do last season. He climbed wholeheartedly on board with the plan to Make Riverdale Great Again, and in that process, he did things that were NOT AT ALL commensurate with being “a good kid.” I think both the character and the show would benefit from a more explicit meditation on exactly why Hiram’s manipulation was so effective, and why Archie moved so quickly past being merely Hiram’s pawn, and voluntarily embraced the role of Hiram’s very ambitious accomplice.

One of the specific preconditions of restorative justice is that the offender has to acknowledge their actions and the hurt that they caused. Reconciliation and vagueness are incompatible for so many reasons, but one of them is because a BIG part of learning from your mistakes is thinking precisely about what you did so that you can choose not to do it again.

I read a bunch of the new Archie comics over the break, and I think I now have a greater appreciation for the trope of Archie as a schlemiel. Despite his best intentions, the Archie archetype keeps making the same goofy, klutzy mistakes over and over again. This is fine, even funny, when it means that Archie just keeps accidentally ending up with a bucket on his head. Whoops!

It is super not okay if it means that Archie just keeps finding himself supporting fascists. ...whoops?

(At present, my entire country is being “manipulated by mobsters.” Clearly, I have some feelings about this.)

I don’t actually know how to wrap all the loose ends of this analysis up meaningfully and coherently at the finish here - but then again, that probably puts me into good company with our showrunners. Optimistically, I’m going to hope that that’s intentional - that I’m judging in media res, and that plotlines and character arcs in S3 will weave together in a way that will surprise and delight me!

But mostly, I’m going to reiterate my hope that S3 makes meaningful choices. That the people in charge don’t waste their actors’ time filming oodles and oodles of material that gets sliced and diced to ribbons. That they make choices EARLY about major plot points; that they stick to them; and that they let the rising action and falling action of your narrative reflect those choices, and the consequences that naturally accompany them.

I hope that the people in charge of S3 will resist the ever-present temptation to “have it both ways” - which ultimately works out to really no definitive way at all. Telling a sturdy story is risky in a totally different way than courting controversy - but it’s so, so worth it.

#riverdale #riverdale meta #riverdale spoilers #archie andrews #us politics #scotus #the urge to overanalyze this image feels like the tug of a Portkey behind my navel #was already a tag #spoiler: resistance was futile #chicago #marvelous mrs maisel #gilmore girls #village-skeptic: back on her bullshit #if you made it through this whole thing I love you to bits!

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itisweselton · 6 years ago

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//Thoughts on the Frozen Musical

//So today I just saw the Frozen musical. Meaning then that I now know just how the Duke is portrayed there. Which, in my honest opinion, was a pleasant surprise since I only had tidbits here and there on what he was going to be like. As it turned out then, the way that I’ve written the Duke has been accurate from start to finish, I’m happy to say. 😊

Though the Duke doesn’t appear often in the musical, he is still treated as a serious character. Besides removing the toupee in the film, he’s also allowed to have a conversation with both Elsa and Anna in the first act (which is his biggest part in the show). There, the Duke tries complimenting Elsa on her beauty in contrast to other queens that he’s seen elsewhere, However, his compliment backfires and only ends up confusing Elsa with Anna trying to defend her sister from not understanding what the Duke meant.

Indeed, the Duke does flirt with Elsa throughout his conversation with her. As said before, he compliments on her “fair face” and how he wanted time alone with her. Of course, that doesn’t happen but the correct quote from the Duke in the musical that’s been floating around Tumblr is “let me tempt you with my tango” rather than “let me tame you with my tango.” Which I find to be less creepy and more seductive in the Duke’s favor anyway.

As for what the Duke says afterwards is how he comments that he’s “never known a queen who doesn’t dance” after Elsa rejects his offer. Then after Elsa’s powers were revealed to everyone, the Duke predictably acts afraid of what he sees before quipping that magic shouldn’t be allowed because Elsa’s a woman since he believes that there was some conspiracy between Elsa and Anna about it. Much like before as well in the film, the Duke’s view on the eternal winter is very bleak and he believes that they all were going to die and he doesn’t want to die. Lastly, the Duke isn’t punished like in the film at all; instead, in the musical, he simply bows along with everyone else in silent apology (which I wholeheartedly believe was all for the better 😊).

Edit: I didn’t get around to the fact that with the Duke, the whole plot of him getting his men to kill Elsa themselves was removed. Instead, all the soldiers present, including the Duke’s, were blocked off by Elsa’s ice powers so none of them could’ve gotten close to her anyway. Here, in the musical, Elsa surrenders herself voluntarily without getting knocked out. So no, the Duke isn’t responsible for trying to kill her since that would’ve been impossible to do.

#//mun speaking #The Duke of Weselton #itisweselton #Frozen musical

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silverhearted-robin-hood · 5 years ago

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romance headcanons.

name: Sapphire Imagami

nickname: Saph

gender: male

romantic orientation: peter pansexual, baby~

preferred pet names: Sweetheart or doll. He can try to deny it all he wants but he loves the attention and honestly, he’ll take whatever you give him lmao.

relationship status: In a relationship with childhood friend, @discguise‘s Rock or Friebe.

favorite canon / fandom ship: Obviously, I ship canon Sapphire with Hecate because I am so gay and such a sucker for mortal/supernatural relationships. I also tend to pair her with Luna from Angel’s Hill because of that one cover from the Shoujo Club version where Sapphire is serenading and playing her lute to a couple of mermaids.

favorite crossover ship: Ooo I love her and Tutu together. Lots of Swan Lake stuff going on right there. Plus, Sapphire wrapping up a little duck!Ahiru in her cape? Um yes?

opinion on true love: He believes in it very much so. Not all love lasts forever, true, but it exists and he’ll never stop having faith in it.

opinion on love at first sight: You’d think with as many fairytales as he’s been read by his nanny in his youth, that he’d believe in love at first sight. Though, that’s not the case. His parents actually fell in love very quickly primarily based on status and money. Not a very healthy relationship, obviously since it started to disintegrate the minute they butted heads over decisions involving their company. So, no his parents sort of proved that fast falling love doesn’t exist. Development is key.

how ‘romantic’ are they?: Very! He’s a cuddler and provides plenty of kisses for his S/O. He also likes paying attention to things that pique their interest or remember anything significant to them in the event that its something he can use to surprise them on a date or special days. (ie: anniversaries or birthdays) Sapphire’s also a gentleman, so taking their coat as well....opening the door...

ideal physical traits: I’d think the athletic, stronk type? You can usually see him making heart eyes over the gymnasts, dancers, and other fencers at his academy. It’s even funnier when you consider the fact that he’s captain of his fencing team and have some lower class students trying out like “I want to impress you!” Meanwhile he’s like “10/10 all the way. NO. Let ME impress you.”

ideal personality traits: Hmm, I guess he likes brutally honest people? I’m not sure how to phrase it but he’s aware of how much of a hypocrite he can be. Lifting others up and neglecting himself. Also telling people to stay out of his business as if it isn’t their’s? Like, bitch, your business is MINE because I care! Someone who can help guide him through the process of healing and accepting help when he clearly needs it. Witty people as well who he can make back and forth comebacks with like a game too.

unattractive physical traits: Listen, looks don’t matter so long as you’re not a jerk.

unattractive personality traits: Again, wholeheartedly just a bad, bad jerk who wouldn’t even give the time of day to respect him either. Relationships are like a dance and it takes two to tango. If he’s been the one half putting in all the effort into the relationship, he’d break it off instantly. He may not have a lot of confidence but he has enough sense to put himself before someone who clearly doesn’t have a heart for others. He hates cowards too. Specifically ones who leave others behind for the sake of their own life.

ideal date: Cuddling under the stars whilst holding each other’s hands. Maybe some hot chocolate and lots of kissing. Also shopping dates where both can try on and look at adorable clothes together!

do they have a type?: Adventurous and charming!

average relationship length: Not sure? I’d like to think that his relationships would’ve lasted a good while despite going through the rocky healing process of, yknow, slowly allowing people to look out for him and trust.

preferred non-sexual intimacy:Sleeping together on the couch.

commitment level: Completely supportive.

opinion of public affection:Only with the other’s consent, really. He wants to make sure that his partner is as comfortable as possible and 100% okay with him spoiling them.

past relationships?: None. He’s always been known as that one creepy kid at his academy, what with the activity and everything so nobody’s actually really taken an interest in him outside of Rock and Friebe. Friebe is that one rare case though, in that she was an academy kendo student whose gone to each and every one of Sapphire’s matches since the beginning.

tagged by: Stole it!

tagging: YOU.

#headcanna banana #memes

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eponymous-rose · 8 years ago

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I keep seeing people getting baffled at best and annoyed at worst by how Kaylie acted last episode and I’m starting to feel like there’s a hidden camera somewhere and I’m being punked or something, because that is... that is not exactly a subtle or complicated character choice there, that seems like a very very very easy to understand and extremely believable response.

I definitely don’t wanna rag on folks who have trouble with sympathy/empathy (especially when it comes to fictional characters!), because that can be an excruciatingly hard thing to learn for all sorts of reasons, and I guess this stuff can also get easier to contextualize with life experience, and there are always nights where you have a bit of a brain fart and it takes a second to clue into what’s going on, but I’m a little disturbed when that sympathy/empathy becomes hyper-selective and entirely focused on the woobified dude of the week. I just---and this is probably unfairly hyperbolic---worry that these folks are so stuck inside their own heads that they go out into the world with these impregnable walls around their sense of sympathy/empathy for anyone who doesn’t fit a very narrow range of behaviors that they have personally experienced or decided to find laudable in media.

One of the things I really appreciate about this show is that, much as it occasionally leans a little on a familiar sort of artificial narrative structure, the relationships between the characters really do have an unusual depth and maturity (...it feels so weird to say this about a D&D game) because there are real people at the helm of each and every one of them.

Nobody’s content with being shuffled off into a two-dimensional stereotype because nobody wants to spend four hours a week for years at a time completely dedicated to playing out somebody else’s understanding of their character, so there’s all these amazing sort of ping! moments where somebody’s preconceived character arc ricochets off the honest-to-goodness real person sitting across the table from them (Scanlan’s proposal was a great example of this). It takes two to tango, and having to keep both sides on board---not just for romance, but for friendship or rivalry or conflict---means everyone’s putting in a huge amount of effort to make things feel realistic, to communicate. And sometimes those ping! moments happen when there’s a ricochet off the fandom-composite versions of these characters.

From where I’m sitting, Matt’s great strength as a DM is his empathy; he clearly has a real feeling of responsibility toward the story he’s telling and the characters he’s building, and he’s extremely good at nudging his players from time to time to remind them that they don’t have to go the easy route just because it’s the way a story like this would normally go. Kaylie’s not gonna wholeheartedly support her father with no reservations whatsoever, she’s not gonna go through this without having to wrestle with a hell of a lot of resentment and ambiguity, because any other choice for a character like that would be dishonest and over-simplified and would show a complete lack of empathy for people who really do experience those mixed-up feelings of betrayal and hatred and worry and rage even in the worst possible moment.

It frustrates me sometimes that the very thing that makes this show so astonishing---its dedication to, and I can’t stress enough how weird this is to say, mature and careful characterization over adherence to easy narrative tropes---is also what’s been fueling so many complaints in the fandom.

#critical role meta #critical role///#critical role spoilers///#long text post

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vdbstore-blog · 7 years ago

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New Post has been published on Vintage Designer Handbags Online | Vintage Preowned Chanel Luxury Designer Brands Bags & Accessories

New Post has been published on http://vintagedesignerhandbagsonline.com/munroe-bergdorf-on-the-loreal-racism-row-it-puzzles-me-that-my-views-are-considered-extreme-global/

Munroe Bergdorf on the L’Oréal racism row: ‘It puzzles me that my views are considered extreme’ | Global

By 8.12pm on Sunday, Munroe Bergdorf is done in. It is a week since she was announced by L’Oréal as the face of True Match, a campaign that marries makeup to social justice, and three days since she was sacked unceremoniously. A BBC 2 producer is on the phone, talking to her about an interview with Victoria Derbyshire the next morning. “It has been the worst week of my life,” she tells him, trying to deflate the tension with a laugh. Prompted to explain why it has been so bad, she reels off “the death threats, threats of rape, threats of assault, people telling me to kill myself, the general bombardment and fear that something else will happen”. She pauses, then sighs. She hasn’t left her flat in days. “The most ridiculous thing is that you call out racism and they respond with more racism. It just doesn’t make any sense.”

Bergdorf, a 30-year-old, black, queer, trans woman who models and DJs, is no stranger to abuse and ridicule. Her very existence is subversive and threatening enough to the mainstream that a trickle of racist, homophobic and transphobic bile has become par for the course in her daily life on and offline – but now it has become a torrent.

As the Daily Mail reported it on Friday, “with a dizzying fanfare, she was brought in as the ‘face of modern diversity’. But days after she was announced as L’Oréal’s first transgender model, Munroe Bergdorf launched an extraordinary rant declaring all white people racist”. The story went viral, reported everywhere from Al-Jazeera to the New York Times.

“I’m trying to think of the best ways to get across what I actually said,” she tells me, over a picnic of French fries and apple Tango at her kitchen table.

Bergdof (left) DJing with Lina Bradford (centre) and Yasmine Petty in New York last November. Photograph: Drummond/BFA/Rex/Shutterstock

She explains that, the morning after the rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, where an anti-racist protester was killed by a white supremacist, she wrote a Facebook post in response to that event. “It was an epic three-parter about how racism is a social structure and how, if this is the case, what can you do to combat racism?” She says the post was deleted by Facebook for breaching its terms on hate speech; the racist, transphobic comments made about Bergdorf, however, were left up. (A Facebook representative said: “We haven’t yet got to the bottom of what happened to Munroe’s post”, but “we are looking into it.”) The post was then filleted for its most incendiary lines: “Most of ya’ll don’t even realise or refuse to acknowledge that your existence, privilege and success as a race is built on the backs, blood and death of people of colour,” she wrote. “Your entire existence is drenched in racism. From micro-aggressions to terrorism, you built the blueprint for this shit. Come see me when you realise racism isn’t learned, it’s inherited and consciously or unconsciously passed down through privilege. Once white people begin to admit their race is the most violent and oppressive force of nature on Earth … then we can talk.”

Unsurprisingly, Bergdorf made some people uncomfortable, made some people cheer and pissed off many others, including her mother, who is white and reads the Daily Mail. “That was an awful conversation. I’m half-white. My mum thought I was lumping her in with everyone, but this isn’t about individuals. To understand my point, you have to take yourself out of the conversation – it’s not about you – and truly think about society, structurally, economically, as a whole.”

But isn’t that the trouble? Lots of people won’t and don’t understand. Not everyone reads Frantz Fanon and Patricia Hill Collins for kicks – academic theory will only go so far in convincing the average person on an average street that institutionalised, systemic racism is just as damaging as a violent, racist attack.

“I don’t regret what I said,” she says, calmly. “I’m an activist. Being an activist means calling people out, not just saying what everyone else is saying and what everyone else wants to think and upholding the common consensus. L’Oréal knew that when they hired me.”

Bergdorf on ITV’s Good Morning Britain with Piers Morgan and Susanna Reid. Photograph: Ken McKay/ITV/Rex/Shutterstock

This isn’t provocation for provocation’s sake; Bergdorf knows there is no time to pussyfoot until everyone else catches up.

“I can wholeheartedly say that the dictionary definition of racism was written a very long time ago and not by a person of colour. It doesn’t allow us to have a conversation about modern-day racism. If you’re not aware of it, then make yourself aware of it. Racism isn’t just calling someone something, it’s a whole system. If you think we live in an equal society, you’re living in a daydream. You need to recognise that there is such a thing as white privilege and you can be homeless and still have white privilege, because you can still have a better chance of getting out of homelessness than a person of colour in the same position.”

Isn’t the problem that the language is outmoded? It’s hard to get people on board when “racist” is a loaded catch-all umbrella to describe everything from unconscious biases in the workplace to US neo-Nazis.

“We do have the language,” she says, “but it needs to be out there: unlearning, microaggressions, being complicit, unconscious bias, privilege – these need to be taught, we need to address why syllabuses only teach white history, we need to speak about slavery and the brutality of colonialism.”

Bergdorf’s speaking voice is an even-handed murmur; she pauses occasionally, apologising for what feel like rocks in her throat. Someone she knew from university, she says, sold the story to the Daily Mail and bragged about it.

She deliberately hasn’t seen friends or family since the story broke because “I need to deal with it without being told constantly ‘It’s going to be OK’, when who knows if it will be.” Her flatmate has been around and friends have rallied, but, for the most part, she has been managing alone, without an agent or a PR. She has four upcoming campaigns this year; three of her clients have yet to call her to confirm that is still the case. It is irrelevant, she says, because her principles will always come first.

“My body has always been political – the way people respond to my body has always been political, whether or not it was about gender or race,” she says. “I grew up in a white-majority area on the borders of Hertfordshire and Essex … but I’m mindful of my parents and giving too much away; they’re really worried.” She had a solidly middle-class upbringing, with one younger brother who is “straight and super woke and the first person I called”. Her dad is Jamaican and her mum is white English. “Dad was tough on me growing up as a very effeminate boy, but we’re very close now. Mum is feisty and super successful, heading up PR for a financial company.”

‘Dad was tough on me growing up as a very effeminate boy, but we’re very close now’ … Munroe Bergdorf. Photograph: Teri Pengilley for the Guardian

Bergdorf was horribly bullied at her all-boys school and beaten up. She says the loneliness she felt through her teenage years was intense. “I lived in my own head and in make-believe. I was obsessed with Cyndi Lauper – I still am. She gave me a lot of strength: that quote ‘On my darkest days I wear my brightest clothes’ is still true for me.” We laugh – today she is wearing sombre, black tights and a grey marl top; understandably, she is not ready for dressing up. “The mornings have been the worst, as my anxiety has been super high and it’s difficult to get up.” She shows me pages of abusive social media screenshots. “I didn’t get out of bed till 1pm today.” Isn’t it a form of self-harm, to put herself through it? “No, I need to know what’s going on so I can feel in control. And I’m resilient: I worked hard at it.”

Bergdorf studied English at the University of Brighton. “I guess I was genderqueer, but there weren’t really the words to express my identity – I just started wearing makeup and heels.” A three-year career in fashion PR followed university before she “crashed and burned”. When she decided to transition at 24, she also learned how to DJ so “I could be myself, self-care and make money. Needing that time and space to yourself is why a lot of trans girls fall into sex work, because the process is expensive and the money is reliable”. She sighs. “Trans women of colour are being killed at an alarming rate.” When she was transitioning, she says the average life expectancy for a trans woman like her was 30. “At the time, I thought: ‘That’s only a few years. I should be speaking about this.’”

Bergdorf was raped during the period she was transitioning; she reported it to the police, but the attacker was never found. She took even more strongly to activism. “It wasn’t just standing up for rights that were my own,” she explains. “Islamophobia, antisemitism, anything I saw that I didn’t think was right, I would protest or post. I think that’s the stance everyone should take: if white people protested and worked to dismantle racism … I would have loved to have seen the reaction around Brexit from liberals with racism. If people rallied around issues that don’t affect them as well ones that do, we’d be getting shit done.”

Bergdorf built an audience – and influence – within the LGBT community, partially through DJing. “It was the best investment. I was 25, got loads of gigs and it felt like it was what I was always meant to do. I had a lot of fun. I was a complete wild child and went off the rails and did all that rock star shit.”

Despite cabin fever, and stressful breaks to deal with her buzzing phone, Bergdorf is warm, smart and charming; on meeting her, you can understand how she has made the connections that have built her career. A shoot for a couture Lebanese Muslim collection was her first modelling gig; campaigns with Illamasqua and Boy London followed.

She was shopping on Thursday afternoon when L’Oréal called her about the story the Daily Mail said it was going to publish. “I kept explaining the context and the full post and they wouldn’t listen. They said not to go out and not to talk to anyone.” In a statement, L’Oréal said, without irony, that it “supports diversity and tolerance towards all people irrespective of their race, background, gender and religion … we are proud of the diversity of the ambassadors who represent this campaign. We believe that the recent comments by … Munroe Bergdorf are at odds with those values and as such we have taken the decision to end the partnership with her.”

L’Oréal’s key ambassador, Cheryl Cole, was found guilty of assault for beating up a black nightclub toilet attendant, but evidently that doesn’t conflict with the company’s policies. (Cole was cleared of racially aggravated assault.) Clara Amfo, a Radio 1 DJ and a L’Oréal True Match ambassador, quit the campaign in solidarity with Bergdorf, partially in protest at the hypocrisy of the situation.

“It puzzles me that my views are considered out of touch and extreme,” says Bergdorf. But it is an argument from which she can’t run. “I said no three times to Good Morning Britain,” she says. “But then I thought: ‘This is what you’re meant to be doing and this is a conversation that needs to be had. A lot of people are relying on you.” On Monday morning, her conversation with Piers Morgan goes as we discussed it would the evening before: Morgan asks if he is racist, says he is offended at being considered racist or sexist and shuts down Bergdorf. “The split between support and hatred has been about 50/50,” she says later that day. “On the one hand, it’s amazing, but it is horrible and awful to think that people hate me.”

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eificopper · 8 years ago

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Title: Spitefulshipping - 50 things (Alt: Howthefuck…) Series/Timeline: Twinkle - timeline all over the place Characters: Shira – Techny – Citinea – Denika - Indigo (hinted) - Nozomi Length: 1851w

WHAT AM I DOING HAHA So I was like alright I’m just missing 10 more for the 50 themes brighship sentence challenge let’s do this //does 17 for spitefulship //whispers Howthefuck…?? So yeah why not? I’m at 31 and counting so let’s do this Not gonna put them in chronological order because LOL what is timeline with these two (I’m so sorry) have them in the order they’ve been written instead

Edit: 45 I’M YELING HOW ON EARTH XD also tried to organize them a bit more buth uhh;;; Edit2: Hallelujah I’m done and very happy with this <3

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1- Team “So we’ll be working together” Shira said when they were left alone “That will be interesting”

2- Neutral The two of them get into yet another argument and Citinea just sits there and goes “I’m neutral”

3- Spark The first time their bodies were so close together (due to that one tango presentation they did) Shira felt a certain jolt of electricity; she reasoned it was simply because they are both electric types.

4- Kick When one of Citinea’s little pranks somehow ended up with them in a rather suggestive pose she could only yelp in Kalosian (“C-Casse-toi!”) with a red face and push him away with a kick of her hooves, as he then yelled something about “now using it as a proper move” while Citinea laughed in the background.

5- Kiss All of the sudden his face is close, too close, and her legs are frozen in place as she feels his hand on her chin, and their noses touch and her face is growing warm, then hot, then cold, because Citinea just pulled him apart (muttering something about “males” and “disgusting”) and she lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

6- Envy The Meercle doesn’t know when exactly she stopped being envious of the Coil and rather started being so of the Dokucale but it sure was a very odd feeling.

7- Line Shira was starting to believe the whole “there’s a thin line between Love and Hate” was a true fact after all; and she was dancing and tiptoeing around that line more and more as time went by…

8- Curious Despite not really enjoying that much her feeling-reading abilities she always thought she’d be weirded out if she ever met someone she could not read; turns out she found him ridiculously intriguing.

9- Opposites Shira wished she could say they were total opposites but actually they were more similar than she’d dare to admit.

10- Epiphany She had been simply overthinking her life in bed unable to sleep when she suddenly came to the conclusion that she wholeheartedly wanted to become his light; and then stayed awake the rest of the night wondering what to do with this new realization.

11- Weakness Forget type matchups, she was his weakness and he knew it.

12- Hate Those who don’t know better will just say they really can’t stand each other but Citinea knows they’re just trying to convince themselves of that.

13- Smirk He smirks smugly and Shira is, partly, irritated that he’s looking so fucking proud of himself, but also just a slightly bit turned on because oh lord Xerneas who gave him the right to look so hot?

14- Question When Shira came to her one day commenting that she had a problem and Citinea jokingly asked if it was “unresolved sexual tension with Techny” she sure as hell didn’t expect the answer to be yes.

15- Friends “Friends? No, not a chance” Not when there was so much more than that.

16- Hostility The animosity she showed towards him since day one (be it due to her rivalry skyrocketing or natural dislike) seems like nothing at all compared to the hostility she shows to the new dark-type member; and strangely enough, he feels a certain relief.

17- Breathing He pulls back just far enough to get some air but still close enough so he can feel her breath on his lips, and says “we should have done this way sooner” before leaning in again.

18- Senses She has a hard time reading his feelings and he barely feels the warmth of her horns but even so they both stay still peacefully for a few moments, just basking on each other’s presence.

19- Sign Denika didn’t really notice the signs beforehand, but when she walked into Shira’s office to see them making out at her desk she began to realize how obvious it was in retrospect.

20- Hurt No matter how many times he said it was alright and carelessly dismissed it (“it’s just some metal I’m fine”) Shira still got really distressed whenever he got “hurt” and broke something; Well at least she didn’t faint, he figured.

21- Nap Techny’s not sure how this happened but she’s fast asleep with her cheek pressed against his shoulder and he doesn’t dare move until she stirs awake, wipes her eyes and blushes through an unneeded apology.

22- Imperfections Under the eyes of the world they were both strong and confident; it wasn’t until the night had fallen and the lights had been turned off that they revealed their many cracks.

23- Note Techny stared for almost a solid minute at the small sticky note in a corner of his laptop’s screen that simply read “Je t’aime! =D <3” then decided to just leave it there and start working.

24- Touch Gloved fingers extended and brushed softly at the leaves in her neck while she was distracted and the Meercle shivered in response, tossing him an embarrassed frown when he let out a chuckle at her reaction.

25- Sarcasm Sometimes it was amusing to see her so confused and/or embarrassed when she took his sarcasm literally, and sometimes… it was just a headache for everyone involved.

26- Break It was perhaps because her relationship with him had initiated that way, because she actually loved butting heads and a challenge or maybe just because of her pride and rivalry instinct, but Shira simply loved to compete and spite him, to see his aloof strict posture break, and get all flustered and curt.

27- Addiction He was addicted to her, to her smiles, her touch, her kisses, her voice, her company… and couldn’t find an answer as to when and how that even happened.

28- Quiet Shira insists that she’s fine, which Tech considers and insult to his intelligence since the grass-type is wearing the fakest smile he’s ever seen and is never this quiet unless she’s asleep.

29- Hug For someone who claimed she didn’t want to be touched most of the time the Meercle could be incredibly clingy, he noted.

30- Coat With his longcoat casually draped over her shoulders while reviewing some folders, Shira wonders out loud (and it’s just to mess with him, he knows it) what would be his reaction to her wearing only that and nothing under; unknown to her the mental image sticks in his mind all day long.

31- Patience Lying down in the bed boredly looking at the ceiling she asks him to teach her some coding and/or hacking; without even looking away from the screen he replies neither of them have the patience to attempt that, and she huffs and mumbles a “touché”

32- Soul He was supposed to keep his emotions in check, or to have one emotion be shown to disguise all the rest, but when she started to see through that mask, he made no attempt to improve his skill around her.

33- Body She is smooth and soft and warm, an organic kind of beauty, and when pressed against him it was the best thing in the world.

34- Enough He has enough pressure already managing SO almost by himself, but when she decides to start destroying herself with alcohol he just can’t stand it anymore.

35- Drunk He’s given up on saying anything and just sighs half-irritated half-disgusted as he sets away the glass from her hand and tries to get her to stand up; in response she doesn’t utter a word either but instead suddenly puts her arms around his neck and kisses him hard, and her lips are like something of an apology even though they taste like that last shot of tequila she just downed.

36- Remorse Shira’s life is largely ruled by guilt, that is an undeniable truth, but one of her biggest regrets is honestly having hurt Techny so badly while inebriated.

37- Evolution “You just went from a small paralyzing goat to a huge paralyzing goat, is not that much of a change” “Shut up I’m a majestic creature, besides, you’re just a bigger cluster of screws and metal you have no right to talk”

38- Sing She thinks she has the place to herself and her voice grows from a soft hum into a full-fledged song, only to stop in embarrassment when she realizes her boyfriend staring at the doorway entranced.

39- Duty He felt it was his duty to protect her, not just because she was female but rather because she was his dear Shira.

40- Sensual Never did she think one day she’d be moaning his name quite like that, and he never imagined it’d sound as sweet and gratifying.

41- Happiness Everyone claims happiness is a feeling, a feeling fleeting and elusive, but Techny knows his happiness is much more concrete than that, with unique curled back horns and a smile to light up the world.

42- Sunset Shira is not just one color, easy to figure out and completely boring, no, Shira is a gradient of colors like a sunset sky, a million different things that Techny could never work out but would spend the rest of his life trying to.

43- Surprise He likes to keep his cool even in most dire situations; however his face was positively a poem when his wife casually mentions one day that she wants to have a kid.

44- Change Her poor husband is acting so ridiculous and vulnerable (in a way she had certainly never seen before) that she’s almost starting to feel bad for teasing him and pushing at his buttons, but is just sooooo tempting and mesmerizing to see him now as a Rentorar.

45- Innocent Little baby Nozomi paws around in his father’s grasp and actually tries to grab at his headset visor despite Techny’s protests and Shira thinks it’s just hilarious and watches him struggle instead of helping and picking up the child.

46- Climb Techny just sighs and presses two fingers to his forehead, thinking it’s honestly utterly ridiculous to see his wife getting so worried and panicked over Nozomi climbing up that high, after all, who did he learn it from?

47- Alone Her mom used to warn her, tell her to “be prepared” for being a widow, for all the females in their family outlive the males; Shira just didn’t think it’d happen so soon...

48- End It both confused and irked Shira to see other people smiling and laughing like nothing had happened, she felt so miserable not even her children could cheer her up.

49- Ring Nozomi can easily identify when his mom is feeling anxious or troubled without even needing to read her feelings, for she starts unconsciously tapping and fidgeting with her wedding ring non-stop.

50- Victory Shira leans on the sidelines with a small smile as she sees her kid win one of his battles, he strongly reminds her of herself, but when he smirks just the right way after victory she can clearly see his father on him.

#twinkle #what is this i dont even #the majority are of course from shira's pov thanks #that was so not the original idea BUT #eifi writes #some are canon some are spoiler #the usual #I'm kinda annoyed it ends in such a sad note but....#is not like I can do anything #31 is the funniest for some reason #but 33 is my overall favorite idk why it just is #also I'm laughing picturing Shira just full out singing #and probably dancing because she's me //hit #thinking she's alone #and then woops no end me plz #nozomi is he cutest and this ship is my heart bye

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