#also surprise surprise you go onto the blogs of the ops of Every Fucking Post like this and guess what. incest. WHO EVER WOULD HAVE GUE

[irradiatedsnakes]

why do people on this site act like something being a kink makes it impossible to criticize. like, yeah, between two consenting adults, sure, i get it. if you're doing raceplay or whatever between two consenting adults i still think that sucks. something being a kink doesn't somehow make it Sacred Beyond Being Judged.

[mdhwrites]

So this is exceptionally reductionist which you can probably guess just by the last line. Anyone who thinks heroes have to be pure paragons... Okay, first off, why the fuck are making that argument with Avatar, the show with TOPH in it? You know, the Blind BANDIT who literally spends an episode proving she is willing to cheat people and take from them for shits and giggles when she goes out with Katara while waiting for the eclipse.

What's extra interesting to bring up with Toph though is that the example they're bringing up? Yeah, Toph did it too. She tried murdering Sokka as part of getting through to Aang what one needed to do as a part of Earthbending. You know, because Aang can be hard to make take things seriously at times, especially things that are difficult, and so a TEACHER might have to push him in inventive ways.

I could be wrong but I assume the episode they're talking about here with Zuko is Sozin's Comet part 1. While everyone is enjoying some time to breathe, Zuko comes out of nowhere while flinging fire. This freaks everyone out and immediately puts Aang on the backfoot. This is unprompted and undesired... But not unwarranted. Zuko is Aang's firebending trainer after all and as far as he knows in that moment, they're all intending to get as strong as possible as fast as possible. They have an invasion to stop after all. So a surprise exercise to get Aang off his ass and see what he does the adrenaline is high isn't a terrible idea as a training exercise. It's also entirely in character for Zuko who is still pretty blunt and focused, even post redemption. He is not flawless by any means.

It's only after the exercise that he's told by the rest that they've decided to take it easy. That they're waiting Sozin's Comet out. That does shift mindsets to be willing to take a more steady but potentially relaxed pace. But Zuko then drops on them the Fire Nation's plan to literally Scorch Earth. That's on his mind and influencing the severity of the training that AANG ASKED HIM TO DO! Zuko IS Aang's firebending teacher and NEVER forced that onto him. He showed up, offered, proved himself and was accepted in under this role which gives him some leeway when it comes to training Aang. Reminder: The first time Aang learned firebending,

Trying to equate this to torturing and terrorizing Ty Lee, and threatening her (and potentially her troupe, I don't fully remember) just to force her to work with Azula is... Wrong. To put it extremely mildly. Ty Lee never asked for Azula to show up. Azula never gave Ty Lee an option to work with her. Ty Lee could never tell Azula to go fuck herself like literally all of Team Avatar could. If they felt Zuko now had to take a hike, they could. That was never an option for Ty Lee until she does do it... And she ends up in jail for it. The worst Team Avatar might have had to put up with was beating the shit out of Zuko, something that's not that hard for them at this point in the story.

It's almost like when analyzing something, the full context to the actions MATTER. That's why my blogs can end up being so long so as to try and properly put down the facts in a way that doesn't have a biased or flawed perspective. That's why this blog A: calls Ty Lee and Azula friends which OH BOY is that a hell term to use for it, but B: it omits that Zuko is Aang's firebending teacher. That he is literally there to train him with the end of an entire nation hanging over their heads, even if the others don't know about it because he already assumed they were taking this seriously enough.

This is why the OP ends and starts their blog the way they do. Only by accepting that every hero has to be a flawless paragon, who never does anything non-heroic, not even neutral, does this false equivalency become fair in any way. Yeah, it's fine for a villain to essentially enslave someone but for a hero to ONCE force their student into a sparring match? Well, then they're not a paragon 100% of the time and inherently a villain instead, or the show's thematics are wrong because it's not the most black and white thing on the planet.

Btw, if I'm wrong on the episode they're referencing for Zuko here, that doesn't really matter. This is still post redemption Zuko and thus once Zuko is Aang's firebending teacher so the bulk of the context that changes how this is holds water. It doesn't turn to steam like Azula would have turned Ty Lee if she'd said no.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

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Azula is supposed to be a villain, antagonist, bad person, and bad friend. When she does something bad or morally wrong, it's not a narrative problem since she's fulfilling her expected role. If she was supposed to be a hero or even neutral character, things would be different, but she's not.

On the other hand, if Azula starts coming across as morally equivalent or even morally superior to one of the "designated heroes," that's a massive problem, narratively, since they're the heroes because they're supposed to be better than the antagonists.

To give an example, when Azula terrorizes Ty Lee into joining her mission, it's a really shitty thing to do her friend, but it's fully inline with what her role is supposed to be. On the other hand, when "redeemed" Zuko tries to terrorize his "best friend" Aang into training and never apologizes or is held accountable for it, it's a real problem, especially since the writers have Iroh declare Zuko morally perfect the next episode. Terrorizing your best friends into doing what you want, rather than spending 30 seconds explaining things to them, is not a heroic trait. If a character is supposed to be a hero, then they're supposed to consistently act heroic.

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[angryschnauzer]

Castle Under The Stars

Summary: You always worry when its a full moon and your husband is away on assignment, but this full moon is different as he comes home to be with you. Will it be for good? And just how much fun can two werewolves get up to during the full moon when they have a child to look after?

A continuation of Moonlight On The Sand

Pairing: Werewolf Captain Syverson x Werewolf Female Reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, Werewolves, Breeding, Breeding Kink.

Typos are free range and organic, allowed to run wild and free. I do not operate a tag list but if you follow @angryschnauzerwrites​ and put that blog onto notifications, you’ll get an alert each time i post something new. Past works can also be found there.

Castle Under The Stars

You stepped out onto the back porch and propped the door open with a boot, the warm summer's breeze blowing softly at the net curtains on the kitchen windows, bringing in the scent of the roses in from the garden. Wiping your hands on your apron before hanging it on the little hook by the door, you grabbed your garden shears and flower basket, and headed out with bare feet onto the cool grass. The windows of your cabin all stood open, allowing the warm breeze to flow through the house, but also so you could hear if your little one cried from his nursery.

Quietly you stood and let the breeze push your light skirt against your legs as you carefully selected roses from the overloaded bushes. Small clouds skidded across the night sky, and for a moment you turned your face to feel the soft moonlight on your skin. The reflection of the sun's rays on its surface from orbit made your skin prickle, as if someone was pouring champagne over your limbs, but that was as far as your transformation would go, with the exception of the ring of fire in your irises.

You had been Sixteen when you had been turned. On a geology camping field trip, nature had literally callen and as you’d been in the bushes relieving yourself that’s when the lupine had got you. It took a few months to realise what had happened, and it was only when your monthly period bleed coincided with a full moon did you turn. With irregular cycles through your teens and early twenties, you probably only turned twice, maybe three times a year, but eventually you got used to it.

It had however been a bit of a shock to your new husband, Sy, when you had turned for the first time. He’d knocked you up on the first day he met you, so it took a good 11 months before your cycle had come back, two months after the birth of your precious baby boy. That first night had been a challenge; dealing with a newborn whilst both parents were howling at the moon, however you were thankful that Edith who lived in the cabin down the lane knew of these things, and upon hearing the howling had rushed over in her nightgown. 

Since then Edith had been like a surrogate mother and grandmother, as it turned out her late husband had the lupine tendencies too. Your deployment had ended whilst you were on maternity leave and you’d chosen to leave the Army entirely rather than take a desk job. Sy was special ops and in the middle of another deployment, but you had no idea when that would finish because of the nature of his assignment. Looking up at the moon you wondered where he was, hoping he was coping with the full moon and his monthly transformation. You weren’t ashamed to admit you actually really enjoyed when he was at home for a full moon; he was even more attentive and the sex was mind blowing. Standard sex with Sy left you bow legged and exhausted, but with the added power of the moon… well, it was out of this world and you’d had orgasms so strong you’d actually passed out a couple of times. 

The sounds of the occasional truck on the highway a couple of hundred feet away sporadically filled the night, and you thought about that time Sy had driven out to the lake with you and you’d spent the night fucking under the moonlight in the flatbed which he’d covered with blankets and throw pillows. You’d been seven months pregnant but good god it was some of the best sex you’d ever had. 

As you shifted to reach a particularly large rose you could feel your panties stick to you, just the thought of Sy was making you wet and ready. You wished you knew when he would be home, taking matters into your own hands wasn’t nearly as satisfying as the real thing from the man you loved.

Just then you heard a pair of owls hooting in the distance, a truck on the highway honking its horn, so you didn’t notice the sound of tyres on the long grassy driveway that ran up the hill to the cabin. Humming to yourself you were running your fingertips over the soft petals of a trailing white rose when the first hint of his scent reached you on the wind. It made you stop and doubt yourself, before it hit again and you felt the heat in the pit of your stomach bloom. Dropping the basket and shears on the grass you ran to the front of the cabin, the breeze catching at your skirts before you finally saw him, standing at the open gate to the garden, his large duffel hanging from his shoulder, the fire in his eyes as he finally saw you.

“Sy!”

He let the bag drop to the floor as you ran into his arms, launching yourself at him, your legs were wrapped around his thick waist as you kissed him. His deep laugh as you peppered his face with soft kisses, the tears of happiness rolling down your cheeks;

“I’m here Darlin’” he practically growled, and that’s when you remembered the moon.

Pulling back you looked him in the eyes, the golden ring of fire matching your own, and as he took long strides across the grass you felt the coupling connection again, just like that first night in the desert. 

He set you down on the lawn, laying you softly on the grass as he pressed open mouthed kisses down your neck. Grasping the front of your dress he let out a growl as he ripped the garment clean in two, humming his appreciation at your swollen breasts where you were still breastfeeding and soft belly, before your soaked panties met the same fate as your dress. His lips continued their path down your body, until he reached the apex of your thighs and inhaled deeply, his eyes shining bright in the moonlight before he dived in and licked a wide stripe through your soaked folds. There under the soft caress of the moon’s rays your lupine husband pulled the first of many orgasms from your body that night, surrounded by the wild calls of nature and the overwhelming scent of the roses. 

-

Sitting at the kitchen table, the morning sunlight streamed in through the windows as you flipped the pancakes on the skillet, smiling as you watched your two boys have breakfast. Michael sat in his high chair, babbling away as Sy seemingly understood every word of gibberish that came from his son’s lips. 

Sliding the pancakes onto a plate, you set it down on the table before you felt a strong arm around your waist and Sy pulled you across his lap, his massive hands smoothing over your bare thighs where all you wore were panties and his t-shirt;

“Steady there Darlin, making me want more than just pancakes for breakfast if you’re walkin’ around in just this”

Just then there was a knock at the screen door, all three of you turning to see Edith smiling and waving from the other side;

“Edith! Come in girl, been looking forward to seeing ya!” Sy called out, a huge grin on his face that got even bigger when he spied the basket she was carrying covered in a red and white checkered napkin.

You reluctantly climbed off your husband's lap, excusing yourself to quickly grab your robe as Sy and Edith talked;

“Big Sy, i knew it was your truck that rumbled past my cabin last night”

“Was indeed, home with my girl and my little man” he paused as Edith set the basket onto the table; “Those aren’t….?”

“They sure are” she pulled the napkin up and underneath were her famous peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies.

Sy quickly pulled one from the basket and snapped it in two, handing half to Michael who happily chewed on the freshly baked treat.

“Hmmmnnnn, Edith, i could get used to these”

“You staying this time Sy?”

“I sure am Edith”

“Does she know?”

“Nope, wanna surprise her later”

“Moon’ll be up again tonight, you want me to watch Mikey?”

Just then you walked into the room, catching the last of the conversation;

“Are you sure?”

Edith stood and smiled, rubbing a finger over Michael’s chubby little cheek;

“Absolutely, why don’t I drop by after he’s had his supper?”

-

Setting Edith up with everything she would need for an evening of watching Jeopardy as your son slept peacefully in his crib, you grabbed the picnic basket and blanket and gave Michael a kiss, before stepping out into the night air. Sy had already taken off, with the moon rising before sundown he got antsy, but he would meet you at the lake. He’d set everything up ready, and just told you to drive his truck down, he’d set off on foot earlier, wanting to burn some energy in the calmness of nature.

The truck's tyres crunched on the gravel as you parked up, the lake a still mirror for the pink purple skyline as the sun set behind the mountains in the distance. But none of those were what you were looking at, no, what drew your attention was your husband quietly sitting on a rock at the shoreline, his boots resting beside him as he let his feet cool in the waters. With your sandals left in the truck you walked across the soft sand before reaching the shoreline, sitting beside him as he wrapped his big arm around your shoulders.

“Sy, what are you thinking about?”

He looked at you, his smile warm as his eyes shone amber in the low light;

“Lots of things Darlin… how lucky i am to have you in my life, how i don’t think i could have coped with what happened if it hadn’t been for you”

“Oh Sy…” your eyes watered; “I love you so much”

“I love you too Darlin. You and Mikey are my world…” he paused, poignantly; “There’s something else i wanna tell ya Darlin…”

For a moment you heart sank, dreading what he was going to say;

“Sy…”

“Ya know how Walt’s construction business is expanding and he needs a new site manager?”

“What?” whatever you were expecting, it wasn’t that

“Well, i got a surprise…” he pulled you onto his lap, his hands resting on your ass; “I’m done with the Army”

“No! You’d better not be fibbing…” your eyes were full to the brim, nervous tears threatening to spill

“Not fibbing… i’m done. Wanted to keep it a surprise until i knew for sure that the assignment was completed”

Crying happy tears you wrapped your arms around your husbands shoulders, burying your face in his neck as you sobbed joyfully that he wasn’t going away again. 

When you had finally settled down and Sy had reassured you for the 10th time that it was definitely true, he was definitely staying home for good, the pair of you stood and started to walk along the shore of the lake barefoot, the warm sand beneath your feet as you clasped your hand around his.

The gentle sound of the water coupled with the feel of your skin touching his calmed Sy, even though the moon was out high above the pair of you, he didn’t feel the need to turn, the sense of utter contentment a balm on his soul. As you had rounded the lake he stumbled on a pebble, and in turn a giggle escaped your lips. Steadying himself he smirked and kicked at the water, splashing you a little as you let out a shriek at the cool water hitting your warm skin. Retaliating you splashed him a little more than you were expecting, soaking one side of his cargo shorts and he paused and looked at you with a feral smile spreading across his lips;

“Oh, now you’re in for it Darlin…”

Your legs carried you as you ran through the surf, knowing Sy would eventually catch you, yet the thrill was in the chase. You could hear his heavy footfalls gaining on you, but you had the advantage of being light on your feet and made a sharp turn into the woodland, the soft grass beneath your feet dry and coarse. You realised he wasn’t behind you and you slowed, turning to try and figure out where he went, when suddenly he emerged from the bushes, his eyes glowing amber in the darkness and he tackled you to the ground, yet somehow managed to turn your bodies so you were on top of him;

“Gotcha!”

He pulled you down so he could kiss you, turning your bodies until he was on top, shifting his knees so he could nestle between your thighs. Your skirt had rucked up in the tussle, and the harsh brush of his shorts against the soft skin of your thighs had your hips bucking up against him, eager for friction as your arousal grew. With the quick fumbling of eager hands you were both soon naked, Sy kneeling between your spread thighs to take in the sight of you, your nipples hard and your arousal a sheen between your legs. Grabbing your hips he pulled you up his thighs, your back arched and your shoulders still on the ground as he thrust into you, spearing your flesh with his own and you both let out a howl of pleasure. 

Sy couldn’t tear his gaze away from where your bodies were joined, watching each time he pulled out and saw your juices glistening on his shaft, or how your cunt stretched open as he pushed this fat dick back into you, parting your walls and you cried out in pleasure. He fucked you like the feral beast he was, claiming his mate and catching the tell tale scent that drove him wild;

“Fuck, you’re ripe… gonna breed you and give you another pup. Thought i caught the scent last night but now i know for sure… can’t wait to see your belly round and your tits even fuller…”

He drove into your fertile body, feeling you cum around him yet he pounded through your orgasm knowing your cervix would be wide open now that you had cum and ready to take his seed. You were whimpering in his grasp, desperate for more but overwhelmed at the same time; 

“Sy… please… please put a baby in me…”

“Almost… there… Darlin’...” he grunted through thrusts, before his body went rigid and he threw his head back, filling your womb with pump after pump of his thick seed, a broad smile on his face as he even held you in place knowing that gravity would help get every last drop of cum through your cervix and flood your fertile ground. 

When he had finally finished coming he carefully settled the two of you onto the soft grass, holding you tight as your bodies were still joined, knowing that he would stay hard for another two or three goes. By the time he would be finished your bodies would be battered and bruised from the intensity of your lovemaking, yet the power of the moon would ensure by morning you would be healed, no outwardly visible signs that the feral carnality of the nights pleasures left behind, even if it meant you’d be sitting down tenderly on a cushion for the following 48 hours. 

It was well into the early hours when the pair of you finally limped back to Sy’s truck, resting your head on his shoulder as he carefully drove home, the moon having set early thanks to its cycle. 

When you arrived back at the cabin Edith was having a cigarette on the porch, the baby monitor resting on the rail next to her;

“Got it outta your systems?” she grinned as she took one last drag before crushing it in a plant pot of sand that sat at the doorway. 

“For tonight” Sy smirked as he carried you bridal style up the steps of the porch; “Can we book ya for tomorrow night too?”

“Sure thing Big Sy, but you’ll owe me”

“I’ll come fix the drainpipe around your porch once the full moon has passed”

“Deal… you’re a good-un” the old woman smiled as she grabbed her keys and slid the baby monitor into your lap as you quietly snoozed in your husbands arms; “It’ll be a girl this time”

Sy’s eyes went wide;

“How do you…?”

“I just know Sweetheart… my husband wasn’t the only one that’d turn ya’know…”

Sy held you as he watched the old woman make her way down the grassy lane to her cabin;

“She’s full o’ surprises is that one…” he looked down at you and pressed a kiss to your cheek, before catching the screen door with his booted foot; “Lets get you to bed for some rest… gotta recharge for tomorrow night… maybe make it twins…”

You shifted in his grasp;

“That’s not how it works” you mumbled sleepily, a smile on your face, but the truth was neither of you knew how it worked when you were lupine… really, anything could happen.

[shippindales]

we ain’t ever getting older

HAPPY STACKSON WEEK 2020 Y’ALL I WAITED UNTIL MIDNIGHT.

This is a gift fic for @jacksonstilinskis that was born out of a post from forever ago where she said Closer was definitely a Stackson song and I said oh I’d definitely write that and then LITERALLY FOUR YEARS PASSED and here we are finally making good on that in time for @stacksonweek !

Also I realize my blog is not very friendly on the eyes (I need a revamp) so try the read more but if not I included a link as well.

Enjoy!

AO3

It was the kind of atmosphere that Stiles liked, when he needed to unwind for a bit. It wasn’t a sleazy hole in the wall type of place, nor was it too ritzy or stuffy for his tastes. Ease in the air, good ambiance with the dim lighting and low music, bartenders who got down to business and knew when you didn’t need a conversation, and a decent crowd. Not too bad, all things considered, for a hotel bar.

He nursed his gin and tonic as he pulled lightly at his tie, loosening it enough until it dangled from his neck freely while he unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt. Wearing a suit would never grow on him, regardless of how his partner insisted that it gave them stature and authority. Miller could blow it out his ass, being federal agents gave them all the stature and authority they needed. But damn, he’d kill for jeans and a t-shirt every once in awhile. He’d have to beg for an undercover op next. 

It was his fourth night at the hotel in Denver, and the stakeout was getting stale. Miller had insisted he take a night off, even called in a reserve agent just to take his spot so that he could blow off some steam. The night was young, and Stiles figured he had a multitude of options ahead of him for where his evening could go.

That was, until raucous laughter started up from the table across the other end of the sparsely populated bar, and Stiles rolled his eyes at the group of well-dressed men that sat around it, their chatter rolling over him until he looked a little more carefully, and caught a very familiar eye.

He nearly spat out his drink, and the glass clattered to the bar noisily in front of him, drawing the attention of the concerned bartender and a few patrons nearby. He waved them off, dabbing at the spill that had splashed onto the front of his shirt with a bar napkin, before he looked back over, and couldn’t make eye contact anymore. He flushed scarlet, embarrassed at the extra attention, and stared at the wall before tipping the glass to his lips and downing his drink in a few solid, full gulps. He signaled for another in answer to the bartender’s unspoken inquiry as she raised an eyebrow and motioned to his glass.

An hour went by in seemingly seconds as Stiles’ thoughts raced. It was obvious he didn’t want to reconnect, or he would’ve said something. Or maybe it was just the crowd he was with, and he didn’t want to draw attention to anything. What if he’d already left? Stiles couldn’t see the group of men clearly from where he was sitting, and a few of them had been in and out, though he was pretty sure he knew which one was him... he frowned. He’d lost sight of him. A dull ache started to form in his stomach that was unrelated to the buzz from his third drink.

“You know, all the ways I pictured we might run into each other, and this wasn’t one of them,” the smooth voice purred in his ear, and Stiles sat bolt upright, spinning around to face him. Jackson fucking Whittemore, in all his three-piece suited glory, grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

Stiles froze for a moment, his mouth hanging open, before Jackson’s words sunk in. He looked across the restaurant and noticed that the remainder of Jackson’s table of companions was filtering out the door, and he turned back with a sly smirk on his face. “Too shy to introduce me to your fancy buddies over there? What are you guys anyway, stock brokers?” He raised an eyebrow, looking Jackson up and down.

Jackson didn’t miss the roving eyes, though his shirt was still buttoned up tight and his tie in place, unlike Stiles. He looked the other man up and down himself, before taking a swig of his beer. “We should maybe reintroduce ourselves, considering it’s been awhile. Jackson Whittemore, Esquire.” He held out a hand to shake, a proud smile on his face that put butterflies in Stiles’ stomach.

He gripped it tightly and shook, growing goosebumps on his arm in the process, before pulling out his badge and flipping it open. “Agent Stilinski. FBI.” Jackson’s eyes widened in surprise, and Stiles smirked. “Yeah, I know, I was the hot gossip at our five-year reunion. Which you missed, by the way.” He pointed accusingly at Jackson, his finger poking him in the chest. Jackson didn’t shy away from the contact, leaning over the bar next to Stiles and resting his drink on a coaster.

“Yeah, I missed it. Law school beat the shit out of me. I don’t know why I ever decided to follow in my dad’s footsteps.” He shrugged. “But it’s been a pretty good life so far. And uh, the academy’s done good things for you.” He raised an eyebrow, admiring the way Stiles’ form had filled out since high school. And Stiles knew, he’d definitely grown into the gangly limbs and awkward proportions since he was a teenager.

Not that it hadn’t been a struggle. He’d spent his first few weeks at the academy feeling like he was going to die, but the physical training had gradually honed him into a toned, lean version of himself that he never thought he’d see in his younger years. Regardless, Jackson’s obvious attention to it had him flushing slightly.

The unspoken tension filled the air before Stiles took a deep sip of his drink, setting it down carefully. “You never kept in touch,” he pointed out. It was casual, but his tone implied something deeper. Jackson stared at him, noticed the way Stiles’ eyes wouldn’t meet his gaze.

“Didn’t deserve to,” he retorted, which drew a look of surprise from Stiles. “What? I was an absolute ass in high school, dude. And probably even more of an ass in undergrad.” He shuddered. “I’ve grown up a lot. Obviously you have too. But I wanted to be... different, when I eventually got around to reconnecting with everyone, especially you.”

Especially you. And weren’t those pretty words to come from an equally pretty mouth. “Yeah, you were an ass in high school,” Stiles acknowledged, though the response from Jackson was a look of more guilt than he’d been intending to inflict. “But you made up for it.”

The implication turned back time to groping hands, shuttered up in Jackson’s bathroom during a party, mouths and limbs and hardness, heat and release— The blush was equal in both their cheeks. It wasn’t a single occurrence, they had quite the history over the last few years of high school.

“I remember,” Jackson muttered, the barest hint of a smile playing on the edges of his lips. “I didn’t know what I was doing then, though. And I was a dick to you about it. You know, when things got more... involved.”

When feelings got involved. Right.

Stiles shrugged it off. Long since passed, and long since forgotten. His attention instead turned to the earlier part of what Jackson had said. “So you know what you’re doing now?” he inquired, and his amber eyes were peering up at Jackson through those thick lashes that always set him off when they were younger, and god damn were those memories coursing through their veins and making them both feel alive, thrumming to the accelerating tattoo that their pulses set.

Jackson gripped Stiles’ tie, pulling him forward forcefully to capture his lips, ignoring the wandering eyes from the bartender and other patrons, who probably thought they were moving a little fast for a first time meet. He felt Stiles gasp quietly underneath him, the heat pooling in his gut as Stiles’ tongue flicked out gently to trace his bottom lip. They separated, breathing heavily, before Jackson pulled him by his tie a little further, to lean over in Stiles’ ear once more. “Want to find out?”

Stiles dug into his wallet, slapped a fifty on the counter and downed the rest of his drink. “Let’s get out of here,” he murmured, and Jackson followed him out the door before pressing him against the brick wall, humming into his mouth as their tongues danced. “Easy, tiger,” Stiles chided gently, grinning as Jackson nipped down the side of his jaw to his neck.

“Got a lot to make up for,” Jackson muttered against his skin, sucking a deep bruise into Stiles’ collarbone as he shoved the offending fabric of his dress shirt aside. His hand slipped into his pocket and came back with his car keys, clicking the remote. A black Range Rover beeped from the isolated corner of the parking lot, and Stiles looked before rolling his eyes.

“The Rover doesn’t surprise me, Mr. Porsche,” he teased, laughing as he danced away from Jackson’s needy hands and lips, making for the rear passenger side door. “Esquire over here flashing what he can afford.” There was no venom in his words, only joking praise.

“Why are you getting in the back?” Jackson asked, confusion knitting his brows.

“Because so are you,” Stiles retorted, and the mischievous grin spread across his face as he opened the door and hopped in. The grin that brought the memories surging back as Jackson hopped in the backseat from the other side, their mouths clashing urgently as Stiles tugged on Jackson’s jacket, discarding it into the front seat with little regard.

It wasn’t long until their shirts were open, and Jackson was pressing their chests flush together, relishing in the keen that came out of Stiles at the feel of skin on skin. He nipped down Stiles’ neck to drag his tongue along his clavicle, biting down sharply.

Stiles yelped, but felt himself stiffen completely, because yes, this was what he missed. The way Jackson never treated him like he was breakable, trusted him to handle it, and it was something he’d been missing for a long time. He didn’t get around much with his busy life and his federal job, and he felt like a tightly coiled spring finally given the freedom to release.

The way Jackson grabbed his hips bruisingly, like Stiles’d fall through to the center of the earth if he loosened his grip, lit something in him, and he pushed Jackson’s shirt off his shoulder, admiring the tribal tattoo design he found there. He sank his teeth into it, satisfied with the way Jackson threw his head back and moaned at the contact.

“Stiles,” he interrupted, but Stiles paid no mind, kissing his way down Jackson’s hairless chest as he pawed at his hardness through the front of his suit pants. “As much as I’d love to fuck you in my backseat, I think we need a bed.”

Stiles came up for air, after kissing down Jackson’s abdomen. He shrugged his shoulders, nipping at Jackson’s lower lip lightly. “Fine then, Whittemore. Take me home and take me to bed.”

The door slammed behind them minutes later, after Jackson had broken nearly every traffic law in the state. He yanked at Stiles’ shirt impatiently, pulling it off of his arms before their mouths were back in contact, shrugging off his own shirt as their clothing fluttered, forgotten, to the floor. Searing heat and the clash of rushed, hurried teeth filled Stiles’ consciousness, as Jackson’s hands roamed down his sides and slipped underneath his waistband, palming Stiles’ ass impatiently.

“Fucker,” Stiles growled into his mouth as he arched his back into the touch. Jackson reached down and grabbed him around the waist, hauling him up until Stiles’ legs wrapped around his waist instinctively. He threw the other man unceremoniously on the bed after shoving into the bedroom, and Stiles collapsed in a pile of limbs before turning onto his back, sighing gently. “Your mattress is comfy,” he complimented, a stupid grin slapped across his face as he shimmied out of his pants.

“My law school roommate in Boulder ditched the last month of rent. I changed the locks and stole his furniture.” Jackson’s belt whipped off lightning quick as he shoved his own pants and underwear to the floor, his cock springing free of its cloth prison. He hissed as it met the cool air, and Stiles licked his lips as they collapsed back together, hands and mouths fumbling deliciously.

After a few moments, Stiles scrambled down the bed to swallow him to the hilt in one fluid motion. Jackson hissed as Stiles’ tongue flicked out around the base of his shaft as he took him into the back of his throat. “Jesus fuck, your mouth, Stilinski. Missed it so much.”

Stiles pulled up and off of Jackson’s shaft with a wet pop, before smacking it lightly against his cheek. “Guess you’ll just have to make up for lost time then.” He ran his tongue from base to tip, swirling it around the head before delving back down, and Jackson pulled his own hair to keep from yelling to loudly at how fucking incredible it felt.

Stiles hummed around his shaft, bobbing to the base and back to the tip to swirl his tongue in the way he knew drove Jackson nuts. The humming sent deep vibrations through Jackson’s flesh and he let out a ragged, broken moan.

The taste and feel of him bombarded Stiles with memories of the first time he’d ever sucked Jackson’s dick, denial radiating through the other boy even as he’d twitched in anticipation, letting out a rough breath as Stiles finally took him in his mouth.

“Do you like it?”

“Shut up and keep going.”

Jackson was growing impatient, and he finally pulled himself out of Stiles’ mouth, reaching down to throw the other man further up on the bed, stomach down, receiving a yelp of protest which quickly died on Stiles’ lips as Jackson kissed down his back to his ass, biting sharply into his left cheek. His breath ghosted over Stiles’ hole, and okay, yes, this was a thing that they’d never done together before that Stiles was 120% on board with.

“Are you seriously going to ahhhhh fucking shit Christ Jesus,” Stiles babbled as Jackson’s tongue flicked out and laved at his rim like a man starved, both hands palming Stiles’ ass and spreading his cheeks and yeah, okay, Jackson had picked up some tricks since high school. Yup.

His sensitive hole was twitching under the ministrations of Jackson’s tongue, and Jackson hummed as he pressed his tongue inside the taut ring of muscle, eliciting a sharp sound from Stiles that he wanted more of. A finger joined his tongue, then two as Stiles relaxed under his efforts.

“God, I can’t believe I’ve never opened you up like this before,” Jackson panted. “You’re so warm and open, so good for me.” His praise was radiating through Stiles’ bones as he pressed his hips back.

“I need you,” Stiles groaned. “Need to feel you again. It’s been— god, too long, not enough, just— just do it.”

Jackson nodded, moving to obey and flicking open the bottle of lube he’d nabbed from his bedside table, spreading it over himself quickly before pressing into Stiles, slowly but persistently.

Stiles’ eyes screwed tight as he breathed in and out sharply, the burn of Jackson’s breach stretching him in a way he hadn’t been in a long time. “Fucking holy hell, forgot how thick you were,” he breathed, pressing his face into the pillow desperately as he rolled his hips back to take Jackson further.

Jackson paused, for a brief moment, to give Stiles time to adjust. That action alone sent a shock through Stiles’ body. Jackson had never been about how Stiles felt, their clandestine hookups throughout high school had always been about Jackson getting off, but this— this was different, and Stiles felt it, felt the consideration and respect.

He responded by pressing his hips back into Jackson, hissing as the burn reignited but slowly began to dissipate. “Move,” he commanded, and Jackson obeyed.

And this, this was what Jackson had missed the most. “God, the way you look spread out around my dick,” he groaned, fucking into Stiles with earnest, staring down at the way Stiles’ hole gripped his girth each time he slid out.

“Shit, Jacks,” Stiles grunted, slamming his hips backwards to meet Jackson’s thrusts, all earlier thoughts of tenderness abandoned. “God, I forgot how good you felt in me. It’s been so long. Always so fucking hard and rough with me. Fuck.”

Jackson’s hand cracked down onto Stiles’ ass, drawing a yelp and leaving an angry red handprint. He spanked him again, twice more, three more times, causing Stiles to let out a long, sharp series of moans. “Fucking take it,” Jackson bit out, pummeling into him rapidly.

Stiles’ talk devolved into senseless syllables and nonsensical babbling as he felt the pleasure coiling in his gut. “Mmmm, f-f-fuuuuck, I’m gonna— I’m close, I—”

Jackson halted, reaching down with both arms and flipping Stiles over onto his back in one smooth motion, bending his head to bite roughly on Stiles’ bottom lip as he pushed back in, holding him around his waist with his legs in the air as he jackhammered in at a punishing pace. “Want to see it,” he panted against Stiles’ lips. “Want to see you let go, see how taken apart you are when you come.”

Stiles came with a shout, spurting copiously all over his chest, his eyes screwed shut and fists tangled in the sheets. Jackson followed him over the brink, moaning loudly as he shoved to the hilt and spilled himself inside Stiles.

Collapsing on the bed next to him, they both laid for a few moments, Stiles’ head lolling over onto Jackson’s shoulder. Their breathing was still heavy, though their pulses began to slow after having finally reached their peaks.

“So,” Jackson began, running his finger through the mess on Stiles’ abdomen and popping it into his mouth before pulling it out with a pop. Stiles’ eyes followed him, blown wide and dark. “Made up for lost time?”

Stiles nodded, grinning wildly as he ran his fingers through his sweat-dampened hair. “It’s a start.”

A start. Jackson nodded, breaking eye contact as a smile spread across his face.

----------------------------------------

He traced his fingertips around Jackson’s abdominal muscles absentmindedly, leaning his head into the crook of the other man’s neck. Jackson’s eyes were lightly closed, satisfied after their round the next morning. They were resting quietly, the morning light filtering in through the taupe curtains and spilling warm rays of sunshine across their mostly still forms.

“Would things have been different?” Stiles asked quietly, prompting a soft, questioning hum from Jackson, who kept his eyes closed, but rubbed circles into Stiles’ shoulder with his thumb. “If you weren’t a dick in high school, I mean.” The implication behind it left Stiles feeling vulnerable, and he swallowed it down thickly.

“Maybe,” Jackson admitted, turning to press his lips gently into Stiles’ hair. “I can’t change who I was then. I wish it could’ve gone differently, though.” The unspoken differences echoed in the silence, and Stiles pictured what life could’ve been like, in another world.

“What about now?” he asked, voice uncertain. There was no indication that Jackson had wanted this to continue, that it was more than just a rekindling of an old flame, destined to wither and snuff out as it had before.

Jackson was silent for a moment too long before responding, and it twisted Stiles’ stomach up in knots. “What about it?”

“Is it too late?” Stiles asked. He was unable to form the words, unable to ask directly for fear of putting himself too far out there. Something about this just felt like the universe was pointing them in the right direction for once, and he needed to know now if it was never going to happen.

“Do you want it to be?” Jackson asked.

He blinked, the answer clear as day. “No.”

A small smile played at the corner of Jackson’s lips as he looked down at Stiles. “Then it’s not too late.”

The sun’s rays splayed out gently across their skin as Jackson pulled him closer.

“Good.”

[the-voice-of-night-vale]

ur phrasing of "people are spreading that enby is infantizing" comes off as 1) saying its not to everybody 2) implying that it inherently as a word isnt infantizing 3) AND implying that anybody who thinks it is is a hatemongering exclusionist. its not in bad faith for me to come to reasonable conclusions of what you're saying based on how ur saying it. ur argument about "nb is aave" is also bad, sometimes things share acronyms. it happens. its not "appropriating aave" to use nb. i promise you

black people are smart enough to know context! ur the one of accusing others of having nitpicking language when ur the one starting arguments based on language other nb people use for themselves or dont want to use for themselves. the point about folx is that its also NOT AAVE and you as a white person really need to stop hiding behind black people and our culture to support your bad faith angry arguments. and my comment about "would you say womxn" was saying thats a word you shouldnt use, that 

was the whole point. you cant brush away any criticism of your own posts with "you just hate nonbinary people and our words" and "dont come at me with discourse" when youre the one who made the post in the first place. ur so obsessed with using the "correct" language that you constantly change the rules of that you leave other people in your own community completely under the bus. you cant look at your brothers and sisters and scream at them that theyre wrong when u barely know what ur saying

and quite frankly, saying things like  "i will meet you with so much love" and then in the same breath saying "quite frankly this discourse sounds like a fucking crusade against nonbinary people" to other people in ur community they disagree with you? is not a good look 

WOW this is a whole lot and frankly a lot of it is such frigid ass takes i don’t even really know if i should respond but here we go:

1. people are spreading that enby is inherently infantalizing, i’ve said many times it’s not inherently, whether words are infantalizing is personal. my problem is when people try and tone police nonbinary people as a whole, telling us what words we can and can’t use for ourselves. words like enby, joyfriend, orbisian, etc. are words we made for ourselves and almost every time a new word is coined for nonbinary people and our experiences with gender and orientation, people both within and without our community try to control our language in ways I find disgusting.

rereading my op with this perspective, yeah, it does read that i don’t believe enby can be infantalizing. i’m gonna edit it for further clarity. the post was made in anger and i used shorthand. that’s not an excuse, and i’m sorry for the confusion.

 if you have concerns or are confused you bring it up in a reasonable and mature way, rather than coming into my inbox sealioning me. i’m autistic and i have adhd, it makes communication hard. i’m not asking you to be nice to me or anything, but i think it’s reasonable to request that criticism of my posts be sent in a toneful way if you expect a positive response. if you decide to come in aggressively, then i’m going to respond in kind idk what to tell u. this is an internet blogging platform where everyone is at each others teeth at all times. i made a post in anger i don’t think it’s necessarily surprising that i have my haunches raised lmao

2. i have the same opinion of people concern trolling about enby as i do about people concern trolling the use of queer: if you hop onto posts that have nothing to do with you (inpersonal you) and the discourse and obnoxiously remind us that such and such word shouldn’t be applied broadly without consent, you’re an asshole, because everyone on this fucking website understands that, and folks really like to derail posts to police our language. so while i don’t believe that anyone who finds enby infantalizing to be fearmongering/exclusionist/exorsexist whatever, i do believe that people who try to police others’ use of identity (when it’s not being harmful, obvs) are assholes at best.

3. as a white person it’s my responsibility to hold other white people responsible when many black nonbinary and trans people have spoken up about the use of “nb” and fighting against cultural appropriation. i’m not “hiding behind black people” i’m literally parroting things said by black people because thats what allies do: you listen. I know black folks aren’t a monolith but to be quite honest i think using harmless alternatives like nonby and nby to be easy enough even if the whole black community isn’t in agreement. at the end of the day it’s a drop in the fucking bucket to change one or two words we use to not be assholes. and I know plenty of black folks also don’t give a shit whether you use nb or not. the mileage varies but i always err on the side of caution, especially when it literally costs me nothing.

(X, X (this post was made by a white person but the blog i got it from was run by a black person, plus the sources at the bottom are nice), X. There was a lot of discourse about this a couple months back but because Tumblr search is broken I’m having trouble finding more sources)

4. for the third fucking time, folx isn’t just meant to be gender-neutral. i linked a post that said it was sourced from political groups, esp political groups of color; that sounds like aave to me (altho i’m white and not the authority). and even if it’s not just meant for black folks, it still means more than just ~a fun and quirky gender neutral form of folks~. but seeing as you don’t want to read that post, i guess this point is moot.

5. the thing about womxn and mxn kind of falls apart when you realize that most ppl putting x in words aren’t doing it to be gender neutral, and even if they were, who gives a fuck? words are made up!

6. i’m not saying “don’t come at me with discourse” I MADE A POST AND YOU CAME IN MY INBOX GROINGORINGORINGOIRNGRIONGIOR the tag “please do not discourse with me i am but a humble farmer” is my discourse tag, in case that’s what you’re referring to. which, if you read my about, you’d know. but hey.

7. i’m leaving no one under the bus i’m mad about how much our language is policed about the only ppl i’m leaving under the bus are people who want to police language .

8. to whom, exactly, am i saying they’re wrong? people who police our language? i’ll gladly tell assholes they’re wrong all day long and i won’t lose a hint of sleep over it. (also, calling ppl in the nonbinary community “my brothers and sisters”....... hm)

9. i don’t give a fuck if u disagree with me. hell, i don’t care if you come in my inbox calling me slurs. if u wanna argue w me about a post i’m gonna argue back; you don’t have to agree w my post, you don’t have to interact with me bc of it either. i have quite a couple asks and messages a month asking me about the discourse posts i make. they all come with compassion and a genuine desire to learn or correct me. i don’t wave away criticism, i wave away bad faith arguments and folks with bad attitudes who clearly don’t give a fuck what i have to say. my comment about the crusade against nonbinary people is related to the constant belittling and criticism our whole community faces; exorsexism is rampant, and if you can’t see that then idk what to tell you.

i respond to the messages i receive on this place in kind with how they’re delivered.

if i misread your tone, i’m sorry. if i got needlessly defensive, i’m sorry. if there’s a piece of my post that’s easily misinterpreted, let me know. i’m open to criticism, so long as it’s 1. presented as criticism (rather than something vague) (this isn’t @ you anon this is about something else) bc i’m fuckin autistic and can’t understand shit and 2. done in good faith with respect to my intelligence and reason

[guylty]

It’s time to come to a proper run-through of last month’s Red Dragon Con 5 in London. Kate already wrote at length about the decision process and the run-up to the con on her blog last week. I’m afraid, I didn’t have that many qualms. When the news came through that Richard was going to attend the con, I was on those tickets as fast as you can say “Dolarhyde”. Not because of Hannibal, the fannibals or any previous con experience. In fact I had never been to a con before – and if truth be told, I never really wanted to go to a con before. But after checking the con ticket prices and making sure that flights to London in February are generally slow sellers, I reckoned that it was worth investing in it – even if only to witness the potentially one and only ever con attendance of Mr Armitage. Who knew whether this kind of event would ever happen again – with RA, that is? He had been rather shy about attending cons in the past, so this could easily be a once-off. Enough reason for me to see for myself, especially as I had experienced the fannibals as a very welcoming, nice fandom back in 2015 when Hannibal was on air. However, I was rather relieved that not only one but two of my fandom friends agreed to join me in London – Kate and Hariclea.

RA is definitely my Waterloo…

What more or less passed me by was Kate’s long battle in January with a very persistent cold that almost had her cancel her participation. We did, however, lose Hariclea as a co-con companion, as sadly, Hariclea’s mum passed away a couple of days before the event and she understandably had to cancel her attendance to go home. Nevertheless, on Friday morning, I took the early morning flight to LCR to get a few hours of exhibition hopping in before I was going to meet Kate. I made my way out to Heathrow to meet Kate in the hotel she had kindly booked. Sharing a hotel room with a stranger I had only known online and barely seen a photograph of? Of course – I have only ever met nice people through my fangirling activities. Plus, she was taking the same risk *grins*. I took the Piccadilly Line out towards Heathrow, got off at Hatton Cross, hopped on a bus, got off at the edge of the Heathrow runway, walked through a rather cold, grey, wet London day and kind of chuckled when I saw the hotel was right next to a bowling alley. Well, just in case that whole con malarkey didn’t work out we at least had some alternative entertainment…

Fuck it, Dude. Let’s go bowling!

I can tell you, there was a certain amount of excitement as I made my way to room 156 where my conspirator was already waiting for me, having checked in an hour earlier. If I hadn’t stopped smoking last November, I would’ve had a couple of rollies to calm down the nerves. (cf. a previous meeting also involving a hotel way back in 2014. I see a theme developing here…) As it was, I didn’t need any rollies. Kate opened the door, I said hi, we hugged – and we launched into a very comfortable friendship right there and then. Let me tell you, the woman is tolerant, witty and easy-going, ignoring my moody nonsense and providing the funniest comparisons from here to the Antipodes and back. We seemed to be pretty much on the same wave-length with everything over the weekend – from party attendance to fannibal defending to beddie times. Kate had me in stitches with her quips, and that alone made for three of the happiest, most carefree days of my life.

N/C

Registration

So, with the basics basically out of the way, we were looking forward to the weekend, con novices that we were. The con was billed to start at 4pm on Friday with registration. Since we had opted to stay in a hotel about 15 minutes away from the con venue, we decided to head over to the Renaissance hotel for a bit of re-con – and a bite to eat – in advance of the 4pm registration. Much to our surprise, a queue had already formed when we entered the lobby of the Renaissance hotel at about 3pm. We joined the queue – an exercise that would prove to be event-defining for the rest of the weekend… At the end of the queue we registered and received our dog tags badges for the event.

Totally reconciled with the fact that Gold tickets were sold out: Regular tickets were adorned with the Armitage. ‘A beautiful rear can also endear’ etc.

Thanks to some prior research we had also a) brought lanyards (so didn’t have to buy any) and b) signed up for stewarding at the con. Except that while Kate’s application as a volunteer had been accepted, I had never heard back from them. Kate encouraged me to try and get into stewarding nonetheless – which I did and was also “ennobled” as a con steward. This proved very useful later on. In various respects.

But first of all Kate and I finally got something to eat in the bar – and had our first *real* encounter with a fannibal, a lovely woman from Germany called Johanna, who really and totally set the tone and the bar for all subsequent interactions with the Hannibal fandom. There is next to no chance that she is ever going to see this, but if you know her, please let her know: Johanna, if you are reading this – thank you for being so kind, so funny, so encouraging. You really make a fantastic figurehead for your fandom. I enjoyed meeting you, and I regret not having bumped into you again! – You would think that you can’t lose your companions in a hotel – but you can. A lot of the communication and arranging of meetings was conducted via text message and/or Twitter DM that weekend. And that includes my roomie Kate and I. Yep, there were various instances where we had to call each other on the phone to locate each other in the hotel. Mad! Luckily fellow fan armidreamer and I had also exchanged phone numbers, and so I was able to hook up with her on Friday, too, and we ended up meeting all through the weekend. The more the merrier, right?

Anyway, the queuing continued, this time for the various extras one could splash out on. Photo ops and autographs are the big draw at cons, and I suspect it is where a lot of extra money is actually being made. Coming to RDC5, I had no intention of getting anything beyond the one autograph that was included in my ticket already. When Kate said that she was going to get a photo done, I was still undecided. However, you can’t just rock up at the photo (or autograph) sessions at these cons. Rather, you buy a voucher that entitles you to a photo shoot or an autograph. And so I decided to play it safe and bought a photo voucher – just in case. More about the whole photo saga later. And believe me, it’s a saga. If I knew it would be, I wouldn’t have bothered. I am still embarrassed. Like many other people I also had huge reservations about paying hefty prices for an autograph. Especially as autographs actually do not mean that much to me *personally*. I own a few already (personalised and unpersonalised, on photos, programmes and tickets – heck, I even have a silver “RA” on my beloved Pop!Thorin – see picture right), and I never had to pay for any of them. But then I thought I’d better use the opportunity and get a couple of autographs signed for future auctions – my donation, so to speak. And I also wanted to get a souvenir for Hariclea as a tiny little consolation for missing the con… So, whoa, 85 GBP went out the window there… (1 photo + 2 autographs). Seriously, I do hope that Richard also got a cut of that! Yep, I am still reeling myself. Don’t tell Mr Guylty, or this marriage is over! However, I’d ask you all to not be judgmental about this. Not that I mind if you were judgmental to *me* about this – I used to be the same for a long time. So, serves me right. But the other fans do not deserve any derision. There is much some to be said for and about these paid photo ops and autographs, the people who provide them and the people who buy them. And I will get to that in due course. Suffice to say that, with all that queuing done, it was already time to gather in the main hall for the big event of the day – the Opening Ceremony. Were we going to get our first glimpse of Richard? 

Opening Ceremony

Remember I said it would prove useful to sign up as a volunteer at the con? Well, we realised that when we walked into the main hall for the opening ceremony. Not sure how many rows there were in total, but the first ten rows or so of the auditorium were completely occupied already, as were the last ten. No coincidence: The first few rows were reserved for Gold ticket holders! (If you were admiring those fabulous photos of Richard taken at the con – those came from Gold ticket holders who were really quite close up to him and the other guests.) Regular ticket holders had to sit at the back. There was only a small number of rows in between that still had empty seats – and they turned out to be reserved for the stewards!! So we quickly brandished our steward badges and bagged some seats half way back the auditorium. Definitely worth while volunteering – not least because it looked as if there were not enough seats for the regular ticket holders for whom extra chairs were added at the back of the hall. Anyway, this was our view:

The red and black dot on the stage is Jeremy Davies (played a character called Peter Bernadone in Hannibal). He was the first guest to be called onto the stage, and you get an idea how many people were there and how far back we were sitting – despite our privileged steward seats… After Davies, two more guests were announced, namely Aaron Abrams and Scott Thompson. They were the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of Hannibal (playing a bit of a comedic duo, crime scene investigators Brian Zeller and Jimmy Price) and absolute fan favourites. (You may also remember Scott Thompson from the Hannibal aftershows “Post Mortem”.) I very much warmed to them, too. (More about that in a later post.)

And finally, finally… Look at the picture above again. See the screen on the right? And further right to that, the double doors? That’s where the guests were ushered in, and wow, like at every other event I have ever seen RA live at, it gave me a total jolt to the stomach when I spotted RA there, beside the stage, waiting to be called… He couldn’t help but mess around before he was introduced and made funny shadow shapes behind the screen… Don’t you just have to love him…? I really dislike the word dork, but he really is a messer! You’ve already seen some of my pictures of the event, so I’ll put a slide show in here with the whole, unedited shebang – sorry, really not great, but just for the record.

The Complete and Unedited Pictures of RA at the Opening Ceremony

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This whole solo appearance lasted for the tiny eternity of 2 minutes, btw! As the second billed guest RA received a lot of cheering and clapping – he was the eponymous Red Dragon, after all – but not as much as Mads Mikkelsen, understandably. He looked absolutely gorgeous on stage though, not least because he was casually dressed all in black with tighty black jeans, a comfy hoodie and a leather jacket. All of the guests had directed a few words at the audience, but RA really made a nice little welcome speech that seemed a bit longer. “Some of you travelled far and braved the weather, congratulations. I didn’t have to because this is my home.” etc. He also could not resist a comment about the flower crowns referring to them as “flower heads” (although one of the previous guests – Aaron? – had used the term before), no comment 😁. His toned down facial shrubbery that was more like a slightly neglected lawn of wild flowers than a full-blown hayfield, looked rather good from far away. And from closer up, even more so, I suppose…

(See the edited pics of the opening ceremony in bigger version in part 2 of my RDC5 series.)

I have to say that I thought RA looked and sounded like a complete pro in those two minutes he had on stage. His ex tempore speech was just perfect for the occasion – welcoming people, referring to the actual day (by way of weather – so English *haha*), throwing in a little personal admission (“I’m at home”) and spreading a bit of fun with his gentle teasing re. flower heads. So yeah, I thought he came across as a confident and self-assured, a bit curious and wide-eyed about the whole event he was finding himself at, but willing to go on the journey. Again, I felt as if he really set the tone there, opening up and signalling that he was here to experience this and that he was willing to have fun. Thumbs up. Finding out that his appearance on stage only lasted 2 minutes, really surprised me. At the time, it felt much longer. But yeah, maybe time stands still whenever the master himself turns up in RL *hehe*…

Anyway, RA was then followed by the star of the con, Mads Mikkelsen. Again, he also made a lovely little intro speech, and I have to say I was very much impressed by the resounding and warm applause that he was welcomed with. You could tell that the fannibals were absolutely ecstatic to have Mads at the con. They didn’t hold back, and those kind of open admissions of love and admiration were something I really, really loved seeing all through the weekend. – After Mads had been introduced, all guests returned to the stage again. As part of the whole group, Richard looked slightly shy and awkward on stage, I thought. Not quite in his element. He was definitely the tallest of all guests, yet even as it was happening and I hadn’t even yet seen any photos of the event, it occurred to me that he looked as if he wanted to blend into the background. Up to his usual modesty, I guess, he was kind of standing one step behind all the others, kind of slouching a bit, with his hands in his pockets and his head all the way down to his shoulders. I haven’t really got any pictures of my own showing all of the guests standing there on stage, but yeah, my heart broke a little bit there – whether it was for a gorgeous guy making himself small and invisible, or for a gorgeous guy being modest and humble, it definitely added to his attraction. However, it also added to the danger of succumbing to APM…

Anyway, believe it or not, it was all a good start to the whole experience. Nice fannibals, nice fellow fans, nice roomie, nice guests, nice RA. The opening ceremony was just half an hour long or so, then the guests were all whisked away and the room emptied. We were basically done for the day. For the Gold ticket holders, it was only just getting interested though: They actually had a meet & greet with the guests – which Richard apparently was a great hit at, according to the tweets that I saw. Ourselves, Kate and I kind of hung around, thinking we might have a look at the promised party. But then we both kind of folded at about 9pm and decided to go back to our hotel instead. It had been a long, exhausting day – with both of us travelling from a different country, finding our way to our hotel, meeting each other, negotiating our way around the event – and dealing with the accelerated heart rate of being in the vicinity of the OOA… No wonder we thought we needed to lie down.

In the end, we actually ended up chatting until after midnight. The amount of processing to be done when seeing RA in the flesh *haha*… And that was only after half a day of con life… We had no idea what was going to hit us the next day…

An Armitage Fan at #RDC5 – FRIDAY [part 7 of the whole saga otherwise] It's time to come to a proper run-through of last month's Red Dragon Con 5 in London.

[andy-clutterbuck]

WSC Atlanta 2017

I just tried to eat pineapple with a knife so I’m not sure how coherent this will be. I don’t think the majority of it has sunk in yet and it’s like I’m in some sort of con AU version of my life but I wanted to get it out while it’s all fresh.

I have to say first and foremost that no matter how I feel about TWD(and how this con is run) TWD cast is full of gems. I don’t have any heart eyes to spare but maybe Andy can lend them out every other weekend or something. Yeah I know they get paid to do this but some of that sincerity and warmth just can’t be faked, actor or not. Secondly, the lighting in my hotel room is god awful. Thirdly, this weekend wouldn’t have been what it was without my TiTTD fam. 

Friday:

I met Ross that evening when I went to check out the layout. He immediately stepped around the table to hug me before he even said anything. ❤️  He was so sweet. He’s very genuine and super easy to talk to. Plus he asked to hold my Pikachu phone case.

Saturday:

The first full day. I met Khary first and what really struck me is that he stands in front of his table like he just gets right out there to talk to you and again he immediately came in for a hug. The warmth just radiates off that dude. He is so full of life. He gave my Pikachu phone case more love.

I went to meet Norman because I promised @peggy-steve that I would get his autograph for her. Again, came right at me over the table for a hug. He was incredibly sincere and very soft spoken despite the utter insanity that constantly surrounds his booth.

I met Lennie next! He immediately wants to know about you and engages you in conversation. I think it would pretty impossible to be nervous around him because he just puts you at ease and he’s so lovely. So lovely.

I met @oldmangrimes // @mdgart !!!!!!!! 🙌🏻  I walked up to her booth and said something to the effect of “If I told you the trash was here would you know who you’re talking to?” She surprised me with this big, gorgeous, glittery print of the Andy art she did for me for my birthday last year. I came back on Sunday before I left to get a print of this because how could I not? It has two of my most favorite things: a curl curving around his ear and CHEST HAIR. FYI she’s just as lovely in person as she is on tumblr. 💖 💝

The last thing I did on Saturday was pop by to see Jon Bernthal for @bernthalus-christ so I could get him to hold up a birthday sign for her. Success! Her post is here 💙

*I was planning on meeting Danai and Lauren but the scheduling didn’t work 😒

Sunday:

Did you scroll past everything else to get here? I don’t blame you. Holy early day, Batman. The panel was great I think everyone knows that. We were sitting in the 5th row! The first thing I did when Andy came out on stage after saying “That’s a good shirt.” was notice that my hands were shaking. My eyes were also sporadically welling up with tears which was aggravating. I love that Andy is 44 years old and still listens to his mom and dad about not swearing. 😂

@ricky-grimes took some A+ Andy photos that I will be editing once she uploads them 😻  😛

Andy op time. Mess™ Like a legit mess. And when the dude who runs the whole damn con comes strolling in like a douche and doesn’t tell a fuck ton of exasperated people what’s even going on.....ANYWAY ops are super fast so luckily you don’t really have time to freak out you just have to move. So I just opened my arms to him and he opened his and went “Yeaaaahhhh!!” Now let be trash for second but his body is hard. I didn’t expect him to be squishy but the dude is solid. Also the Santa beard is soft, it touched the side of my face and I didn’t even feel any roughness at all. He’s so beautifully proportioned...sorry moving on. We both said thank you and off I went. Here I am internally screaming legit 😂 : My digital download is MIA so terrible lighting and the reflection of my hand is all I can do right now. We’re not gonna talk about that 4th Freddy Cougar that happened just before I got in there ok....Andy legit wore 87 hats though.

@packt and I finally met up before Andy’s autograph! She had these gorgeous coins created for the cast and was I’m super honored that she wanted to give me because they’re amazing and I’m going to treasure it forever. 💜 💙 ❤️ I’m truly amazed by the wonderful people I’ve met through running this blog.

Andy’s autograph. I got in line and when @mamagrimes6 found me she was going to just go back so she wasn’t cutting in line but I wasn’t having that 😂  I very vocally stated that no I needed her and @ricky-grimes with me I wasn’t doing this alone. I was going to fight someone if they gave us shit but they both got in line with me without an issue. 🙊  We were at the very front of the gold line so the panic set in pretty damn fast. I couldn’t even look at him for the short amount of time that we could before we got up there. It legitimately felt like staring at the sun, that’s the only way I can put it, like it stings so you flinch away. Or a really handsome version of Medusa. I imagine that’s not a totally uncommon thing but when you spend as much time as I do staring at his face in photoshop it’s pretty amusing. I actually texted my friend and told her it was like I was just seeing him for the first time, I was legit shook. 😖  I could feel my heart beating in my chest and I got really short of breath, I wasn’t even sure that I was going to be able to say anything without sounded winded or something. I gave him my silver fox hat to sign and I managed to choke out some version of thanking him for all the goodness he puts out into the world because it’s really helped me, I don’t really remember exactly what I said, and he said “Oh wow.” and that he’s just trying to spread a love bomb to the world 😂  which is such and Andy thing to say and it’s so true. He put his hand up for a highfive so I gave him one and he held onto my hand for a moment. Said our thank yous again and I proceeded so quickly out of the curtain the volunteer chuckled at me. 

If you were at WSC you may have several silver foxes around because it was a thing we did.

I finished my day/con experience with the Kingdom panel and it was a great choice. Cooper, Lennie, and Khary were just wonderful and hilarious, it couldn’t have ended on a more upbeat note.

It’s sporadically sinking in. I think I’ve teared up two or three times tonight. It may sound silly but I just want to thank everyone for their support. Just to have so many people understand the way I feel and be happy and supportive has been so amazing. Also I cannot stress enough how utterly gorgeous Andy is ok? Like no picture, no video, nothing truly matches the real thing in the flesh. That’s my bean and I can’t believe i actually met him 😖

[savnofilter]

normalize speaking about an issue without making it about you. we have all seen that one post that has been floating around tumblr as of recently, and unfortunately enough i have been forced to see it because a few imbeciles i follow reblogged it onto my dashboard.

many writers here like to insert their own issues in posts like it's really not about you but carry on. before anyone goes "well sav youre doing it to" no. that is why im making post on my blog and based on my own observations and experiences. i will just break this down to different sections like CCC to at least this coherent. this is no way directed to the OP, just the people who act like only other people actions should catch up with them instead of theirs. wrote this last night in a tired state so if this doesnt make sense in some spots, my brain yeeted into the abyss.

1. small blogs

stop fucking telling smaller writers that theyre not trying enough or selling the narrative they operate on a jealousy spectrum. it's the toxic projection for me. i find it so VERY interesting that it's only always the blogs that get mass amounts of interaction (asks, comments, reblogs, followers, etc) that have to gaslight and make smaller creators feel bad for being smaller. im sorry WHAT? to assume that someone doesnt have thousands of followers simply because "they dont try hard enough" is fucking bullshit. it's on the sole basis that people reblog the same writers every time and everyday and get surprised that smaller blogs will leave or "complain" because no one was willing to help them out. the fact that fandom is dying on tumblr is because people group at certain blogs and those certain only do so little to support the community.

ohhhhhh, you were about to rebuttal me, werent you? "well im not obligated to rb every work i read" to turn around go on a long parade of, "support writers in this tuff economy ;(" because your recent fic didnt get thousands of notes like your other ones. LETS START BOOSTING ACTUAL BLOGS THAT SHOULD GET RECOGNITION, YOURE ABSOLUTE CAP MY G.

2.5 small blogs vs big blogs

stop basing arguments on follower counts. and also, i like how people preach about how "iTs JuSt FoR fUn" but somehow spin it on smaller blogs any chance they get is astounding to me. bitches love making the excuse when theyre called out on it like, "weLl i oNce WaS a smAll wRitEr so try harder!!!" like bitch is you dumb? like no for real, when i see that it gives me very much, "im not racist because my friend is black" vibes. grow up.

2. sfw vs nsfw

im sorry, but the fact that the leading "genre" in kid/teen shows is SMUT/LEMON/EROTICA/PORN THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG! i dont give a fuck, i said what i said. whether you think a piece of writing is good solely because someone whips their cock out you need help. do not get me wrong go ahead and read what you want, but STOP tearing up safe for work blogs. they put in just as much work as someone who like tits and ass.

doubling this over to sfw blogs, stop assuming nsfw blogs have no talent and dont try. not only is it insulting, it doesnt age well either. to say the least, in my experience ive only seen about only so very few posts complain like that but do better. yes it may take your blog a much slower rate to receive attention but that doesnt mean that a generalization should be made.

3. minors vs adults

stop basing judgements on age. before i start in this category, it definitely does not go for everybody. if anything i said made you mad, i was talking about you.

lmao people really be out here talm bout, "i dont share my age because im insecure and people are ageist" LUV? HHKBJGJJB and yknow it's reeeaaall interesting it's only ever the adults who are insecure about their age who always makes the problems they run into about age. if youre old enough to idfk, pay taxes, drive a car, buy a house, maybe youd share that knowledge because you would have to be unintelligent to assume that minors arent here. and adults looooooooove to tell minors, underaged kids to share their age instead and put them in danger? and say, "saying youre a minor isnt enough"?? menta inness innit. if you lack that much common sense then youd know youre too old to be on the internet.

honestly every thought is in CCC, read it and weep. at the end of the day, most fandom adults are weird as fuck. how is it other adults can view the same characters YOU see and see them as children while you cannot and for some REFUSE to accpe that theyre LIT.ER.ALLY. IN. HIGH. SCHOOL. it's the fact that adults hate on minors who dont act like how they want, but say with their chest, "iM nOt YoUr PaReNt" but then try and control someone? okay we get it, you got bullied for liking anime in highschool now getting pay back or whatever. and also if youre old and youre personality trait is hating minors, get help.

i dont have much to say about minors who gravel at adult feet's. for the pompous minors that do, you need to chill the fuck out. no one gives a shit youre best friends with someone whos 4x your age, and neither should you be proud of it. it's the same minors who think they hang out with "the cool" kids think they can talk down to other minors as if they werent in the same fucking year. mayhaps they like the attention, mayhaps they like being the "special" minor. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. and chances are theyre probably taking advantage of you and you dont even realize it.

4. weirdos

stop telling people they cannot be upset when someone sexualizes something serious/traumatic. since when was it okay to write about i*cest, r*pe, n*crophilia, and etc and to tell people to suck it up?? uhhh hellow? keep that shit to fucking ao3. i hope people realize people also leave fandoms because of how overtly sexualized it is. you people need to stop forcing sex onto people -- tag your shit, and keep it out of main tags.

before anyone jumps down my throat it is so very different from taking proper precautions and someone ignoring it, versus being ignorant and ignoring such procedures to ensure you are not harassed for content you make.

5. toxicity

writers are not perfect people. it's the fact people really believe fanfiction writers cant be abusive for me and go out of their way to send death and doxxing threats to silence who ever is speaking up for me. it's people victim blame and wondering why people leave for me. it's people openly turning a blind eye on serious, toxic and dangerous behaviors for me. it's people acknowledging that there are universal problematic issues and yet STILL support such themes/people for me.

im sorry, but i found it so very hard to believe that people are really brainless to really think that their favorite writer isnt capable of abusing others. and its the complex that a victim is a liar simply because the person in question is a bigger writer is disgusting. i really dont believe people who have been through trauma can really use their own experiences to belittle and invalidate people.

the same people who call me toxic for speaking about someone else's toxic behaviors, are the same individuals who support hate blogs, who turn blind eyes to writers just because they have a bigger following. stop pretending to act like you care about an issue when you dont. you need to face the facts that youre narcissistic or need to go back and get proper therapy for whatever youve been through AND STOP GIVING GROOMERS AND ABUSERS FREE PASSES. PEOPLE CAN ABUSE ANYONE. dont believe me? just venture out to other discourse tags in other fandoms on tumblr, you will SEE the difference.

5.5 writers playing a role

writers are so very influential. and its scary that people treat them like celebrities. just because your favorite writer is good at what they do, THAT. DOES. NOT. MAKE. THEM. A. GOOD. PERSON. and its the fact that people only recommend the same writers over and over again and then bash new ones behind the scenes.

your favorite writer could murder someone and yall would blame the victim. grow up and realize that they fuck up too and they can just as easily brainwash you as well.

6. the stories

im sorry to say it but most people do not attempt to stray away from popular fandom tropes. and most times those versions are so very watered down of the character as well. the reason why is unclear, but from a writer/reader perspective it's starting to get repetitive and it sometimes comes across as not trying.

this is no way saying the writer cannot write, it's in the basis that someone will follow the trend to stay in the trend. and in no way will someone go out their way to read a fic they have read a thousand times. hate to say it, but sally with the silky hair and pale skin isnt passing by no mo. erasing every popular character's character traits and making them dom's who degrade doormat reader isnt flowing no mo. it's boring. no matter how beautiful you can write it, it will wear down.

7. "tumblr is dying"

eh, no it's not. i actually thought about this point and came to the conclusion: nope! they only reason there were spikes (in bnha and hq, etc) was because the series was in motion. not only this it would create attention to tumblr simply because it is sorta the home of short stories (although people do certainly surpass short word limit).

i mean even with the rise of all around discussions in fandoms of adults carrying on abhorrent NSFW works of minor characters has also been a hot topic simply because you can consider in the fact quarantine had also huddled everyone together as well. the truth is that if youre going to over saturate a fandom work where you can only get recognized basically (nsfw for bnha for ex) it will not make everyone happy. before anyone goes to argue to me about, "well it's my work and it makes me happy!" stop it. you do not own the fandom and fandom is for everyone, not just you and your friends. it's time we pick out the ugly flaws before we blame the readers.

8. the readers

this is one is tricky to touch. consuming fanfiction falls between, "im not entitled to do shit" to "i support every work". both extremes are what you could are agreeable in some cases, but having a good middle ground is where it's best.

do not yell at your readers because one work doesnt do as well as the others. and frankly, if you have to make your readers feel bad because they didnt like a few fics you need to hop off tumblr because that mindset is unhealthy. i feel like people lie on how here like "i cOmE hErE tO WrItE" before they go on and deliver their gaslighting explanation to justify why something egotistical is about to spew out of their mouth.

and guess what? that will effect how people interact with your stories.

while somehow only positive reactions are only received from bigger writers. how the fuck does that make any sense like??? i have seen the genuine frustrating posts from smaller blogs and those are the posts the fandom needs to pay attention to.

readers do in fact play a role in if a story is reached or not. now for actual, the readers, message. if youre a rude cunt about how "wElL kEeP iT tO yOuRsElF" why the fuck are you reading someone else's work with a stank attitude?? chile n e ways.... learn some decency.

as always, many smooches to people who do interact with stories because they are definitely worth the read as well!! yes you are not obligated to, but if you enjoy a story it's always encouraged to at least leave a comment and a like. just something, especially to smaller blogs.

9. the post/rbs

it's the fact a post specifically about uplifting small/writers (at least i think) spun into "blame the smaller writer" like are you guys THAT narcissistic or what. it's the fact that even when a post that was supposed to bring light to a topic was flipped around to be made a sob story for each writer and barely remembering the main message. writers leave because communities refuse to make things an inclusive place for everyone, stop blaming it only on readers because writer's are also the issue. realistically, the same message OP said will be forgotten because everyone will go back to their toxic ways. do better.

yeah writers are leaving because tumblr is toxic as fuck. goodnight.