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mossybee-exe · 3 years

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Winter Blues|Hawks x F! Reader CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

This one is pretty long so just prepare!

A/N:This was originally going to just be a normal Oneshot, but it took longer than expected! So it's a Christmas special now.

TW:Angst, Breakdowns, Grief/Loss, Death, ANGSTTTTTT to FLUFFY!!!! Attempted Suicide!

Sum:A few days passed since the incident, and you do your best to just shut out all of your emotions. But a particular bird keeps coming back to bother you, making it harder.

Your Quirk is Hygieia. The user can revive damaged or withered organisms, wounds, Low vitality, and diseases/poisoning. But the person they're healing Must still be alive, even if they're hanging on by a thread, to heal them.

The winter air makes you chill as it flew in through your open window, the curtains blowing gently from it. You wished December would never have come, hoping that if you woke up it would just be January.

But alas, that's not how the world works.

One week already passed of December and you still haven't unpacked the Christmas decorations from the boxes you had in your new apartment. You just couldn't do it though. You weren't really in a festive mood, and now December would be a month you'd resent forever.

You eventually manage to flop out of bed though and get ready for the day, closing your window. After that, you headed to the kitchen and got yourself some cereal before changing into a baggy t shirt and baggy sweatpants.

You didn't care about your appearance anymore. It's not like you had anyone to impress anymore. No one to say that you look gorgeous anymore. So what was the point?

After that, you knew you had to find yourself a new job. You used to be a pro hero, but only lasted for 3 months. You retired in November and now you needed a new job to keep up with rent.

You slip on your snow boots, put on your fluffy pink coat and red scarf, before heading out of your apartment, locking your door, and heading down the stairs.

You walked down the sidewalk in the streets as snow gently started falling. It felt like such a chore now, walking and breathing, but you had to keep going. You had to for him.

But somehow, instead of looking for a job, you found yourself walk past the whole city and arrive at a beach, standing a few feet away from where the water met the land, staring out at the still rising sun as snow still fell.

You shivered which just brought back more memories, making you sad. He wasn't here anymore to wrap his warm arms around you, pulling you close to hear his gentle heartbeat.

He wasn't there anymore to bundle you up in his scarf until you were drowning in them, and laugh and hold hands as you went on walks. It seemed like the ring that sparkled in the sunlight mocked you, reminding you of what you never got. But it's the only thing keeping you close to him.

You quickly wipe away the tears from your eyes and start walking back to the city to keep finding a job. You also got recognized by some fans from when you were still a pro.

"Woah it's still so cool to see her!"

"Wow! It Y/H/N! I hope you feel better!"

You couldn't help but smile to at least know people still appreciated the work you did! You just couldn't continue it after the incident. You weren't able to focus on beating villains when all that was on your mind was him.

"WHAT OUT!" A voice says, causing you to look over and eyes widen as you see a thug that was falling from the sky to crash down on you. But suddenly, a bunch of red feathers stopped the villain, setting him on the ground. That's when you noticed the villain was unconscious.

You follows the feathers that were moving again to see something up in the sky, until the person lands in front of you. It was Hawks, which surprised you!

"Sorry about that miss! Was just trying to detain this villain. You alright?" He asks with his normal charisma and charm. "Uh, yes. Thank you." You replied, still processing everything since it happened so fast! But after all, being fast was the whole point of Hawks.

"That's good. Oh, wait, weren't you Y/H/N? I remember seeing you a couple of times during my patrols. You have some mad skills!" He compliments you, surprising you even more.

"Oh, uh thanks."

"Seems like you weren't a hero for very long though, and you're still very young! Why'd you retire so early?" He asks.

Has the Number 2 Hero always been this nosy?

"It just.. wasn't my calling." You reply quietly. That was a complete and utter lie. Only your fans knew why you retired for real! All of the other News Outlets just say it wasn't your interest!

"Ah I see. Well, take care of yourself Dove." He tells you before flying off again.

Of course I'll take care of myself. I'm all alone now anyway.

You unlock your apartment door and step inside, carrying the plastic grocery bag of convenient store Meat Buns and Instant Noodles that you picked up on your defeat back home. You weren't able to find a single job, but in your defense, your kind kept wandering back to him.

You sigh and plop the bag down on the kitchen table before going back to the living room and taking off your scarf and coat, hanging them back on the coat rack. The you slipped off your snow boots, placing them by the heater vent to dry, before slipping on your slippers.

You grab one of the still warm Meat Buns, unwrapping it and throwing the paper away, before plopping down on your white couch. You began eating while staring at your blank TV, mind wandering once again.

Ever since the incident, you haven't been able to focus on one particular thing for long! Because everything just triggered old memories, which you wish could just disappear and pretend they never happened. Pretend your feelings never happened and you were still happy.

But once again, the world doesn't work like that.

After you finish the meat bun, you get your mind back to reality. As much as I don't want to, I should decorate for Christmas. Maybe I'll feel better afterwards. You think to yourself.

You eventually pry yourself off the couch and unbox all of the boxes.

After a good hour, your entire apartment was decorated. Your fake Christmas tree decorated beautifully with ornaments and lights, Christmas lights hanging up along the edges of your walls, stocking hung up by the window, and your Christmas wreath hanging up on your door outside.

Being honest, looking around at the dimly lit room from your Christmas lights and all of the pretty decorations, DID make you feel a little better. You just wished you could've decorated and shared this beauty with him.

You then went back to your bedroom and crawled back into your bed, falling to sleep. You will try to find a job again tomorrow.

The next day, you were back out on the streets. It wasn't snowing this time but you found the newly laid snow a bit beautiful. Although it was already cleared off of the sidewalks and roads, but other places like parks just looked beautiful.

But it still couldn't get you into the Christmas mood. You don't think you'd ever be able to enjoy Christmas or the December month anymore.

Although luck got on your side! You were hired as a cashier for a small store that pays well, and you had spotted a pretty snow globe in a display window and decided that should be your Christmas present for the month. You deserved a LITTLE happiness, so you were happy to finally be getting back to work!

Later that night, you actually went to bed very easily, knowing you finally found a well paying job.

But later that night, there came rapid tapping at your balcony glass door. It woke you up and you look over confused, seeing some huge sillouette behind the curtains. You get up from your bed and peek through them, only for your eyes to widen as you saw HAWKS there!

Of all people, Hawks was standing on your balcony! Why though? You think to yourself as you open it up, allowing him to stumble in.

"What the heck are you doing here?? How did you even-" You begin before you cut yourself off to see Hawks gripping his side as blood has soaked through to his jacket and was still bleeding, and his face was scratched and his wings were tattered and burned.

"I didn't know you lived here, but I need some help!" He asks. You have to try REALLY hard to steady your breathing and stay calm as memories suddenly flooded back to you. You quickly pull him to the couch and set him down, all while staying silent.

You pull his jacket off and set it on the floor before sitting on the couch next to him. You slowly moved his hand away from his side and tried not to have a panic attack as you saw the big wound and blood. You steady your hands and hover them over his wound, a green aura surrounding them as the wound slowly started healing until it disappeared completely. Then after that you washed the blood off with a rag.

"Wow.. what an amazing quirk you have!" Hawks compliments you. "Uh thanks." You reply pulling your hands back. You now wanted to stick him back out there, but you just didn't have the heart! So you sigh and pick up his jacket.

"Look, I don't know what your situation was and I don't care. But just for tonight, I'll let you stay here as I throw this bloody jacket in the wash. But you HAVE to leave in the morning. Deal?" You ask looking over at him.

"Deal. Thanks dove! You're very sweet." He compliments you. You quickly look away. "Just call e L/N." You correct him before walking off to the laundry room. After putting it in a cycle and handing Hawks a blanket that he can use while sleeping on the couch, you headed back to your room and finally managed to fall asleep.

The next morning, he stayed true to his word! After you went to the living room you saw HAWKS gone. His jacket was gone from the laundry room too. You sigh of relief and start getting ready for your new job.

After that, you slipped on your coat and scarf and boots and headed out the door.

"Great! Just stand there and wait for customers!" You boss tells you before heading into his office. You nod and stand there. Only about 3 people were in the store right now, so this would be a very simple job! Then you'd get your snow globe in no time!

So you scan the people's groceries and send them on their way. You sigh of relief until another memory had flooded back into your brain just to ruin your perfect mood.

"Aw it's so pretty! I love it ...."

For some reason your brain was blocking out his name. Why? For closure?

"I knew you would! As soon as I saw that necklace I thought of you!"

"Thank you ... I love you!" You tell him before hugging and kissing him.

"I can't wait to spend eternity with you, ..."

You started to feel tears prick your eyes and you quickly repress that memory once again, wiping your eyes as the next customer came in. You couldn't think about that right now. You can cry at home, Y/N. Just keep it together for now. You think to yourself.

You get home and immediately just undress yourself before running the bathtub. You needed this.

After it filled up with nice, hot steamy water, you dip yourself in before you lean back and sigh, closing your eyes. If only I wasn't in here alone.. you think to yourself sadly.

For some reason, that day just came back to you to torture you.

"It wasn't your fault Y/N! You did all you could. You can't save everyone. You knew that when becoming a pro hero." Your sidekick tells you.

"But he was right there! He was in my reach!! Yet I failed him!" You reply back, waterfalls of tears pouring down your face.

"It's still no reason to retire! You're still so young and new! Otherwise why did you work so hard to become a pro hero??" She tries convincing you.

"If I couldn't even save ... How could I EVER save everyone else?? I'm doing them a favor!"

You quickly stop thinking of that and wash your tears away. Just forget it already.

After your bath, you climb into bed and just went to sleep. There wasn't much else you could do. Except close your eyes.

Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll just fall asleep and never wake up. So I don't have to suffer anymore. And I won't have to celebrate Christmas.

So for the next few weeks, you worked hard at your job, and you almost had enough money to buy yourself that snow globe!

And Christmas was this Saturday. Which means Christmas Eve is almost upon you. The day you resented now and forever.

You weren't looking forward to it, but you had the whole thing planned out. The day before Christmas Eve would allow you to buy the snow globe, and then on Christmas Eve and Day, you'll just stay in bed all day. You won't leave unless you needed food or water, or needed to use the bathroom.

I will just sleep right through those two torturous days, and then forget about them. So you wouldn't have to suffer through it. You've done this well without crying, you weren't planning on it anytime soon. You were just going to close off your emotions.

That's when you suddenly heard your friend's voice echo in your head.

"Are you sure this is what ... Would've wanted?"

But you quickly silenced her. No, be quiet. It doesn't matter anyway because he's not here anymore. You think to yourself. Stop reminding me!

It was no Christmas Eve. The day you dreaded for so long! But at last it's here! Which means it's time.

You had bought your snow globe, which was the most BEAUTIFUL thing ever and played the most beautiful song ever! You just fell in love with it.

And now, you stood on a very tall building as it began to snow, looking out across the city, snow globe still in had. It's so pretty. The perfect last thing to see. You think to yourself smiling.

You hugged the snow globe close to your chest, before closing your eyes, letting out one last breath, before leaning forward.

Suddenly you felt the ground leave you and you start falling down, ready to meet your end.

The only way to silence everything.

But suddenly, you didn't feel yourself falling down, and instead, you felt.. floaty?

You open your eyes and look up, only for them to widen when you see Hawks' smile as he carried you in his arms. He saved you!

The anger began boiling up inside you. How could he?? I could've had a peaceful death!

Hawks lands at a beach where no one was around except you two. He sets you down. "You okay Y/H/N? Could've died there!" He teases but that just makes you snap.

"THAT WAS THE POINT!"

"huh?"

"I WAS WANTING TO FALL AND DIE! But you just couldn't let that happen! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE DON'T YOU GET IT?!? NOTHING IN MY LIFE IS PERFECT ANYMORE!" You yell angrily.

"My fiancee purposed to me and we were suppose to get married today! But he died last month from a villain attack and I couldn't save him! SO I JUST WANT TO DIE SO I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE PAIN ANYMORE!!" You yell before you break down.

Tears flowed down out of your eyes like crazy and you just couldn't hold back anymore. You threw yourself into Hawks' arms and bawled your eyes out. He was in shock for a moment before he hugs you.

I had no idea she was going through this kind of thing. He thinks to himself.

Then he gets an idea. "Here, hang on." He says picking you up bridal style. "Wha-HANG ON!" You shout as Hawks launched up into the air and started zooming through the air. You screamed until Hawks starts speaking again.

"Calm down, I won't drop you! Trust me, open your eyes." He tells you. Against your own judgement, you do and look down at all of the pretty Christmas lights and people all cheerfully giving and buying gifts, and being together as a family.

"I know life sucks sometimes, and I'm sorry for your loss. But I'm sure he'd want you to live! Otherwise you'd miss out on all of this beauty!" Hawks tells you with a chuckle.

Suddenly your mind was clear, and you could hear his name.

"I'm sure Kaito would want you to live."

That's when your eyes tear up again and you begin crying. Except this time they were more happy tears than sad ones.

"Here we are! We have now landed!" Hawks says as he landed up on a tall building, setting you down before looking out at the city. You look out at it too, but you were shivering. Despite having a coat on, it was much colder up here.

"You look cold. Here!" He says and drapes his fluffy jacket over you. "But what about you? Won't you get cold?" You ask, staring at his skin tight sleeveless hero shirt.

"Nah, doesn't bother me that much." He replies before both of you go back to looking out at the city.

You honestly felt better! Way better! Probably because you had someone to talk to.

"Thank you." You suddenly say, getting his attention.

"For what?"

"For saving me. And showing me that there's more to life than just despair!"

He smiles. "You're welcome! Just part of being a hero! Speaking of, you should really think about going back to work."

"You'll make a lot of people happy and save a lot of people. Especially with your quirk."

"This was an amazing Christmas! But are you sure you didn't want to spend it with your family?" You ask Hawks. You both sat in your pajamas on Christmas Day. He offered to spend it with you. You also took his advice and became a hero again. It made a lot of people happy!

"It's fine! I don't really have family anyway!"

"Oh, sorry!"

"Nah it's fine!" He replies with a laugh. He then gets up off the couch and towards the kitchen to refill his hot chocolate.

And you had to admit, you were already gaining a crush on this man.

But you put those feelings aside right now. You decided to take it slow.

After all, it takes time to heal.

WOOOO! FINALLY DONE!

#mha #bnha #mha reader insert #fluff #mha oneshots #mha hawks #mha hawks x reader fluff #mha hawks x reader angst #angst #mha angst #mha hawks angst #mha angst hawks #keigo fluff #keigo angst #keigo takami #keigo x reader #Spotify

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justahopelessssromantic · 4 years

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Barbecue

Imagine Request. Reader is new to the town and makes friends with Felipe who invites her to a barbecue being held t the club. She is weary but he insists saying that his two sons will also be there. The day of the barbecue arrives and they both head there together. She notices a lot of good looking bikers. The men all admire her as Filipe introduces her to everyone. They all try and seduce the pretty new girl much to Felipe's delight.

A/N: Thank you so much for the request nonnie! I'm sorry this took so long! I hope you enjoy 🥰 I really love your idea!

Word Count: 1322

*gif not mine*

Felipe handed over your package waving off your money for your steaks. "Please, this ones on me." Felipe smiled kindly at you.

"You know if you keep giving away things for free you are going to go out of business." You pointed out putting your wallet away anyways. You knew there was no use in arguing with the older man. You'd find some way to pay him back. "If you won't let me pay for my meat then you at least have to let me cook for you one of these days."

Your friendship with Felipe may seem odd to any onlookers but he was the first person you met and befriended after moving to Santo Padre for your new job just a few weeks ago. Unpacking and fixing up your new place had become more of a chore than you were expecting so you hadn't gotten around to meeting really any other residents of the charming small town. You were rather shy and not great at making friends so staying in and keeping to yourself mostly wasn't much of a problem.

Felipe knew you didn't have any other friends besides him and your best friend back home. You were such a lovely girl he only wanted to help you out in any way that he could. "Alright I'll let you cook for me one of these days." You both knew he hadn't had a really good home cooked meal since his wife passed.

"Great!" You beamed up at him excited to show off your skill in the kitchen. "How about Friday night?"

Felipe nodded. "Sounds good. Oh and one more thing." He caught you just before you were about to leave. "There’s a barbecue on Saturday at the Mayans clubhouse. I would love it if you would come."

You chewed on your bottom lip thinking of how you could turn him down. You weighed all the excuses in your mind. "I don't really know Felipe, I've got lots to do at home. I just don't know that I could." You tried to let him done gently but he was stubborn and saw right through you.

"Come on you can take one day off," he insisted, "Just come with me for a little while. Do an old man a favor." He chuckled. Felipe took your hand in his, hoping to ease your nervousness. "My two sons will be there. I would love for you to meet them. Just come for a little while. If you hate it and want to leave I will take you home."

"Fine, but I'm holding you to that." You teased. "I'll see you Friday, 8 o'clock." If he was going to insist on you going to this barbecue then you were going to hold him to your dinner plans.

The day of the barbecue came and needless to say you were nervous. Your dinner with Felipe the night before helped a little as he told you about the club, the mayans, and mostly his two sons.

You stepped out of Felipe's truck shutting the door behind you. You straightened your outfit out, smoothing out any wrinkles from the drive over. Felipe extended his arm out to you with a smile. If his sons were anything like him you knew you’d like them. He was quite the gentleman.

The first person you met as you entered the part was a kind, although a little odd, man named Chucky. He was very friendly and offered to bring you back a beer which you thanked him for.

The guys were hanging outside just fucking around when you walked in. Their attention immediately turned to you, the unfamiliar girl on Felipe’s arm.

“Hey Angel, who’s that with your Pops?” Gilly asked, not taking his eyes off you.

They all watched your interaction with Chucky. You smiled at Chucky saying something before he left. Shortly after Felipe turned to you and said something quietly in your ear which made you laugh.

All the men were drawn to you as they watched on. You had their full attention without even knowing.

Angel shook his head, “I have no fucking idea but I can promise you by the end of the night I will.”

“Maybe she’s Felipe’s new woman.” Coco chuckled. “Careful Angel you don’t want to have the hots for your new step mommy.”

"Fuck you." Angel tossed something at Coco chuckling.

The guys erupted into laughter catching your attention. You felt a little nervous looking at all the handsome guys in front of you. Their laughter immediately died down as you approached their table with Felipe.

Each guy was prepping for possibly the most important interaction they could have with you, the first impression.

Bishop came down from the deck along with Hank and Taza to greet you first. “Felipe you must introduce us to your beautiful plus one.” Bishop gave you a charming smile.

“This is (Y/N).” Felipe introduced you. “She just moved to town not long ago. I can already say that Santo Padre is a much better place with her in it.”

You blushed at the compliment, your cheeks heating up. The smile that played on your lips stayed as the introductions continued.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you (Y/N).” The way Bishop said your name made you feel like he had known you forever.

“Where did Felipe come across a beauty such as you?” Hank asked from behind Bishop.

“I actually met Felipe at his shop. He has an excellent business.” You glance back at Felipe who had stepped back a bit with Chucky.

“The best in town for fresh meat.” Taza agreed with you.

"Besides in my pants of course." Creeper chuckled patting Taza on the shoulders. "If that's something you're interested in."

"Don't be disgusting, Creep." Riz butted in. "Ignore him. I promise we're not all disgusting assholes like this jackass." He motioned over to Creeper. "I'm Riz. The only proper gentleman here."

Coco nearly choked on his beer when he heard that. "Yeah a real fucking gentleman." Coco set his beer down. He looked you over giving you a smirk. "Nice to meet you." He gave you a nod before excusing himself going with the quiet and mysterious approach instead. Sometimes less was more.

EZ passed Coco as he came out of the clubhouse. He saw the guy all around you. You must be the new girl his father told him about, he thought. “Ezekiel Reyes. Felipe's son. Most people call me EZ.” EZ smiled. He shook your hand introducing himself. “Pops told me lots about you.”

Angel scoffed. Before EZ could say much more he got up from the table and butted in pushing his brother to the side. “Angel, the better way more experienced brother.” Angel said with a wink.

You didn't have the chance to respond before EZ gave his brother a little shove back which quickly turned into the two having it out.

You giggled watching them. This was quite the introduction.

Felipe watched the guys and chuckled. He had a feeling this would be their reaction to meeting you. He sat back and enjoyed the show along with Chucky.

Gilly came up beside you watching on as Angel now had EZ in a playful headlock. “They’re all a bunch of idiots.” He commented chuckling as the men started coming in saying who they thought would give in first. “But they are rather loveable idiots. I'm Gilly by the way. How about we go inside the clubhouse for a drink and get away from the craziness for a while." He figured he could sneak you away to himself while everyone was engaged in the fight. "It's much quieter." He gave you a smile. "I'll tell you anything you want to know about the guys." He offered. He may not tell you all truths. He'd definitely paint himself better than the rest.

It was every man for himself after all.

Tagging: @jad3djay @fairygardenss @carlaangel86 @starrynite7114 @gemini0410 @naytraydr @knowles-morgan @woahitslucyylu @everyhowlmarksthedead @ktiz90 @brothersofmayhem @brothersofmayhem @ifoundmyhappythought @vsfavs @scuzmunkie @chibsytelford @sadeyesgf @blessedboo @multiyfandomgirl40 @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @toni9 @mayans-sauce @briana-mishell24

#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc #mayans mc imagine #felipe reyes #angel reyes #ez reyes #coco cruz #bishop losa #riz ariza #creeper vargas #taza romero #hank tranq loza #gilly lopez

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naughtyneganjdm · 4 years

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The Guest - Chapter 27

Summary: Joel keeps his promise to Negan in providing money for the bills that Negan is having a hard time paying. Something happens where Joel is able to convince Negan to make a decision about all of their futures together.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), Joel, Lucille, etc.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, small amounts of smut (but not super dirty), dirty talking, kind of sad stuff

Notes: I'm posting this exceedingly late for me and I've been up forever, so if there are errors, sending you all my apologies. Also, I feel like I shouldn't have to say this anymore, but Joel and Negan are in a relationship with Y/N while also having feelings for each other. They all care about each other. Happy holidays folks. Sending you all out my love

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20333263/chapters/69309564

Sitting in the parking lot of the hospital, Joel tapped his hands against the steering wheel while he waited for Negan. A few days previously Negan had asked him for help with the money situation and had sent Joel a few photos of some of the bills for Lucille’s treatments. During their interaction Negan was clearly uncomfortable asking for help, so Joel tried to make it as simple as possible. Of course, Joel was a man of his word and he had gotten the money for Negan like he promised he would.

They had agreed to meet up so Joel could give Negan the money and it was a little while after the time Negan had given Joel. It was almost nerve wracking being out lately. Joel had a lot of chores he had to do out today and he didn’t want to pull Y/N out into it with all the rioting that had been taking place all over the country. It seemed like things were getting worse, not better and he didn’t think she should be out in that so he had left her at his home.

Surveying the people that were around the hospital, Joel let out a tense breath. The people there didn’t look…well. A lot of them were very pale and like the last time he was there the hospital was extremely packed. He had to drive around a bit before finally finding a spot to pull in to meet Negan. With all the people here, Joel wondered if it was the sickness they had talked about on the news or if people were just injured from the random riots that were taking place. Either way, being here made him uncomfortable and he couldn’t explain the way he felt, but he didn’t feel right about how things were.

The sound of someone knocking on his window caused Joel to jump and he looked beside him to see Negan at the side of his car. Joel had been so deep in thought looking at the people outside of the hospital that he hadn’t spotted Negan moving to the car. There was an amused smirk over Negan’s tired features when he saw that he had managed to scare Joel and Joel rolled his eyes. Letting out a long exhale, Joel unlocked his car and watched Negan get into the car beside him, “Damn it Slugger, you scared me.”

“Slugger? You’re sticking with that, huh?” Negan reached up to rub at the side of his face through his somewhat longer beard. With Negan being in the hospital, his beard had grown and his hair was quite messy from not being able to take care of himself that well.

“Unfortunately,” Joel teased with a wink, reaching for the coffee that he had bought for Negan. He lifted it for Negan and Negan gave him a sideways glance. “I was around you a lot in the mornings, I know what you like and I assumed you would appreciate this. I doubt you are getting much sleep and I know coffee from the hospital is shit.”

“You got this for me?” Negan confirmed and Joel nodded. Oddly, Negan was extremely touched that Joel even thought of him like that. Joel was already bringing him money for hospital bills, he didn’t need to be getting him coffee too, but he did. It was strange that he had a certain bond with Joel, but he was thankful for it. “Thank you.”

“It’s no problem,” Joel watched Negan get somewhat relaxed in the passenger seat beside him and Joel felt sorry for Negan. It was clear he was absolutely exhausted by the way he looked but hadn’t been able to sleep. Negan took a long swallow of the coffee and Joel let curiosity get the best of him. “How’s Lucille?”

“Honestly? About the same. She’s getting a treatment, that’s why I’m able to be out here for a few,” Negan informed Joel, looking at his watch to see the time. “I have about an hour. They will call me if they need me.”

“Is this where you would pay the bills?” Joel reached between them to pull open the compartment to take out the envelope of money he had stashed away there for Negan. Holding it out, he could see Negan’s hazel eyes looking it over with a nervous glance. “It’s all there.”

“Joel, are you sure about this?” Negan confirmed feeling his throat go dry while he looked at the envelope that he knew held a sizeable amount of money. “I feel really, really bad about this. I know you said it was okay, but I feel like an asshole asking this of you.”

“Please don’t,” Joel held the envelope out further and Negan’s eyes met Joel’s. “I would give you this and anything else you need. I don’t mind. So please…”

“Thank you,” Negan grabbed a hold of the envelope and pushed it into his pocket on the right side. “You have no idea how much this means to me. Like…fuck…this is big.”

“I know how much it means to you,” Joel didn’t want to make Negan feel bad about this, but it was clear that Negan was embarrassed by the way his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat. “And it’s no worries. I’m just helping out a friend.”

“No, it’s big Joel,” Negan insisted calling Joel by his real name because using the nickname Negan had given him in a mocking tone just felt very wrong at the time. Friends didn’t usually do this for friends, so he knew that Joel was more important than a friend. “It’s really big and I owe you one.”

“Just take care of yourself and your wife…that’s payback enough for me,” Joel suggested eyeing Negan over in the seat behind him. Negan lifted his left hand to rub it over the front of his face and Joel cleared his throat uneasily.

“I want to hug you, but I don’t know if that would be awkward,” Negan grumbled against his hand and his eyes peaked out from above his hand as he turned his head toward Joel. “I’m not used to this affection and shit…”

“You don’t have to hug me,” Joel snorted and waved his hand in the hair dismissively. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable Negan and if you…”

A grunt fell from Joel’s throat when he was interrupted by Negan reaching across the car to pull Joel into a one-armed hug. Joel accepted the hug and pat Negan on the upper back in a supportive motion. Negan’s cheek brushed against Joel’s as Negan pulled away and Negan’s eyes were hooked on Joel’s making Joel swallow down hard.

“I know you tell me it’s not a big deal, but it is,” Negan asserted with a firm nod before sliding back more comfortably in his seat. Negan’s head bobbed down like he was about to pass out from exhaustion, but he caught himself and raised his head. He attempted to shake off the feeling with a yawn as he stretched out his body and Joel took notice of it.

“Anything you need, it’s here,” Joel winked and Negan gave him a half smile before nodding.

“I should probably go get this paid,” Negan announced, reaching for the handle of the door and he felt Joel’s hand pressing in over his knee to stop him. There was a concerned expression over Joel’s features and Negan reached out to pat Joel on the hand. “What is it?”

“Why don’t you put the chair back and sleep for a little bit?” Joel offered catching the smile that Negan gave him. Negan wasn’t taking him seriously with his suggestion and that was obvious by the expression on Negan’s face. “I’m not kidding Negan.”

“You have better things to do with your time than watch me fucking sleep in your car Joel,” Negan pointed out, taking a look around the hospital parking lot they were in. “Thank you for the offer, but…”

“You have an hour. When is the last time you slept, at all?” Joel inquired making Negan let out a shuddering exhale. God, it had been so long since Negan had really slept. He couldn’t even think of a time he had more than a few minutes here or there. “I’ve got some time until I have the next thing that I have to get done. Just rest back, close your eyes and I’ll pay attention for your phone in case someone calls.”

“Joel…” Negan’s face twisted with contemplation and he saw Joel reaching in the backseat for something. Joel stretched out his body to grab a blanket and put it on Negan’s lap. “You’re not giving me much of a choice in this, are you?”

“Instead of sitting in that hospital room panicking, relax for a few minutes,” Joel ordered, reaching for Negan’s coffee to set it back where he had it in the drink carrier previously. Negan gave somewhat of a glare before pulling out his phone and setting it on the dashboard so it would be heard, not muffled. Negan put the seat back and Joel smiled. “Good boy.”

“Now don’t go trying to get inappropriate touches in while my eyes are closed, okay?” Negan joked with a tired tone and Joel rolled his eyes. It was typical of Negan to be a sarcastic shit like this. Getting comfortable, Negan bunched up the blanket and curled it under his head. It was so easy to screw with Joel because he was so proper that Negan couldn’t help himself. “I’d rather be awake if I was going to be molested.”

“You’re hilarious,” Joel grunted while Negan got comfortable beside him and Joel attempted to pull his own phone out of his pocket. With Negan being a smart ass, Joel found himself actually attempting to do the same with him. “You know, if you just wanted a hand job Negan, all you had to do was ask. You didn’t have to crack a joke about me inappropriately touching you while you slept.”

“Ohhh, really? So, if I wanted one of those, you would be willing?” Negan lifted his head in remark to Joel giving him a hard time and he felt Joel hit him in the stomach making him laugh. “Man…don’t offer it if you aren’t going to give it. That’s just cruel. I was hoping for some kind of release. Do you know how long it has been since I’ve gotten to cum? The big man and the iron sack are aching my friend.”

“Jesus,” Joel groaned outwardly and heard Negan’s tired laughter fill the car. “Your mouth is something else.”

“You like my mouth,” Negan slurred with a wolfish grin making Joel roll his eyes. “A lot actually.”

“Go to bed,” Joel snapped his fingers and Negan’s nose wrinkled when he heard Joel’s order, but he did what Joel asked in closing his eyes.

“You’re such a fucking prude,” Negan scoffed cuddling his head in further against the blanket.

“And you need a bar of soap in that mouth half of the time,” Joel snickered, reaching up to cover his eyes.

“Is a bar of soap the nickname for your penis?” Negan bit at his bottom lip and heard Joel make a disgusted sound. The amusement this was giving Negan was probably more than it should have been, but he didn’t care. It was so easy to screw with Joel and Joel was falling right into it.

“You’re awful,” Joel bickered with Negan when Negan’s dark eyes slowly parted to stare out at Joel with mischief.

“And yet you find me charming,” Negan slurred with an arched eyebrow. “I’ve rubbed off on you and you kind of like it.”

“We just went from a serious moment to you talking like we are in a porno,” Joel stated knowing that it was just who Negan was. He would expect nothing less. Unfortunately, although Joel was a bit of a smart ass himself, Negan knew that he could get Joel flustered by saying sexual things.

“Man, your mind is so dirty thinking about wanting to make a porn with me,” Negan felt the whack of the back Joel’s hand against his chest and he laughed deeply. “Okay, okay. I’m going to bed. Jesus.”

“About damn time,” Joel grumbled to himself and Negan let out a tight, muted laugh. At least for a moment Negan didn’t have to be so fucking serious about everything. Having a little fun was probably nice for him as opposed to what he was used to.

Joel watched Negan for a minute and realized it didn’t take long for Negan to fall asleep. He was surprised Negan could make it as long as he did. In that situation, Joel wasn’t sure that he could keep going and going like Negan had done.

Picking up his own phone, Joel started getting a grocery order in for him and Y/N since he didn’t think they should really be going out that much and it was easier to do while he was just waiting with Negan beside him instead of on the go.

Occasionally, Joel would look beside him to make sure that Negan was okay. The way Negan shifted and twitched in his sleep made Joel worry. Negan was good at hiding his emotions for the most part, but he was wondering if Negan was dreaming something awful. Joel was originally just hopeful that Negan would be able to finally get some peaceful sleep in, but he was wondering if even in his sleep Negan had to face his fears. After about twenty minutes, Joel could hear the sound of Negan’s breathing change and he felt the soft grab of something at his arm.

Looking, he saw Negan’s fingers wrapped around his forearm and Negan’s tired eyes were staring out at him, “Lay back with me.”

“What was that?” Joel asked Negan to repeat himself because he wasn’t sure he heard him right. Negan’s eyes narrowed into a glare from where he was resting on the curled-up blanket.

“Put your seat back, I don’t want to be alone. Please?” Negan begged, watching Joel think about what he asked for and Joel turned the car off. Joel reached for Negan’s cell phone, putting it on his chest as he laid back with Negan. “Thank you.”

“Yeah,” Joel simply nodded, reaching for his jacket that he had deposited earlier to ball it up and use as a pillow for himself.

“You’re too nice for your own good,” Negan grumbled, closing his eyes when he moved his body in closer to Joel’s to get the sense of not being alone while he rested. Sleeping alone was not something he really wanted to go through right now. It felt strange and to have the warmth of someone beside him just made him feel more comfortable.

“I know,” Joel replied, stretching out his body while he laid beside Negan.

The warmth of Negan’s hand pressed in beside his and Joel slid his further out to grab a hold of Negan’s hand. Negan’s eyes partially opened and he smiled when he realized that Joel was supportively holding onto his hand. Tangling his fingers with Joel’s he squeezed them firmly before getting more comfortable in the seat.

There was silence for a while between the two of them and Joel watched Negan sleep. It was strange having this kind of relationship with Negan, but he didn’t care. Joel had this want to protect and take care of both Y/N and Negan. It was something that seemed to be deep seeded inside of him and he found comfort in being with the both of them.

At first, his feelings for Negan felt strange, but when he felt as if they were somewhat reciprocated, he didn’t feel as bad about it. It was nice to be needed and to have someone care for him like he cared for them. Joel wasn’t used to something like that. Everything always felt one sided in his life. No matter who it was with. With Negan and Y/N, it felt like they both cared for him and it felt nice to have that.

“Are you falling in love with me Professor?” Negan’s deep voice filled the air when his eyes partially opened and he saw Joel watching him while he slept. Joel let out an embarrassed sound and Negan snorted. “I’m just screwing with you, you know that?”

“I’m just worried about you,” Joel confessed knowing that his worries about Negan had intensified lately.

“Don’t worry about me, I don’t deserve your concern,” Negan suggested with a frown hating that anyone would lose time over him.

“You worry about the people you care about Negan,” Joel snorted and it caused Negan’s fingers to squeeze tighter around his. The look in Negan’s eyes wasn’t quite readable, but Joel knew that Negan was sad. “I have a proposition for you.”

“Is it sexual?” Negan joked again and he caught the glare that Joel was giving him. When he realized it was something that was serious, his arrogant smile slowly faded and he nodded. “What is it?”

“I don’t know what you have been seeing on the news since you are stuck in that hospital,” Joel began, seeing Negan’s eyes open further while he listened to him. “Things aren’t good right now. I was thinking, I have this cabin…it’s in upstate New York.”

“Yeah?” Negan could see that Joel was thinking something in depth out in his head.

“I want to take you, Lucille and Y/N there,” Joel announced with a loud swallow and Negan shifted on the seat beside Joel. “I don’t think things are safe here right now. You saw what happened in the hospital the other day. We don’t even know what happened.”

“But Lucille…” Negan started confused as to how that would work.

“We could get her the best hospice,” Joel stammered and the mention of hospice obviously hit Negan hard. There was an expression that flooded through Negan’s face and Joel hated to make him uncomfortable mentioning it, but he didn’t want to leave Negan behind or in a place where he could get hurt. “I would pay for her to have the best care possible. The cabin is stocked and there is enough room for everyone. I’ll pay for them to help transfer her there…”

“I don’t know if that would work Joel,” Negan shook his head and thought about the way Lucille had been lately. He didn’t even know if she would be able to make that kind of trip right now. “It sounds nice…fucking amazing actually, but…”

“I have a horrible feeling Negan. I’ve been watching the news a lot lately and things are scary right now,” Joel continued to vent his worries while he felt Negan’s hand squeezing tightly around his. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to you or Y/N. I want to keep the both of you safe, you know? You’re both very important to me and…”

“Hey, everything is fine,” Negan tried to assure Joel, reaching out to force Joel to look at him. “The news is there to scare the hell out of us Joel. They do that. They put these stories on there to scare us. That guy in the hospital the other day was probably attacked by an animal hunting or something. With people being sick it’s probably just a really bad flu…”

“Negan come on…” Joel knew that this was different than what was normal. “Let me do this. My cabin is secluded. We would be safe until things calmed down. There is one of the best hospitals in the world not far away if something happened to Lucille.”

“Joel, you worry too much,” Negan insisted with a shake of his head. “Everything is going to be okay.”

Joel dropped his head back dramatically and it was clear that he was genuinely concerned about everything. Negan outstretched his free hand and pressed it in over Joel’s face urging Joel to look at him, “You are a way better man than I could have ever wished to be.”

“I have no idea why you are saying that,” Joel shook his head and Negan tilted his head to the side giving Joel an expecting glance.

“You have taken care of Y/N better than I could have ever hoped to have done,” Negan confessed, his voice coming out rasp as he thought about his previous relationship with Y/N and how he had treated her. “You were the best thing that could have ever happened for her. You’re the kind of man that she deserves.”

“Are you...are you okay with us being together?” Joel cleared his throat, his brow line creasing when he thought about how he was engaged to Y/N. They hadn’t told Negan about it and he wondered if Negan would handle it well if he actually found out.

“There is only one person in this world I’m okay with her being with and that’s you,” Negan admitted, tapping Joel on the side of the face. “You’re an amazing man with a big fucking heart. We’re all fucking small when it comes to you.”

“I really wish you would consider what I’m offering you with the cabin,” Joel repeated and he heard Negan sigh. Negan closed the distance between the two of them and Joel felt Negan pressing a kiss over the side of his face. “Negan…”

“Relax,” Negan ordered when he could feel the tension in Joel’s body with how close they were. “You don’t always have to have your guard up around me. We’re far beyond that, don’t you think?”

“I’m…” Joel went to speak only to feel Negan kissing at his bottom lip and Joel let out a nervous sound. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, just shut up,” Negan grunted and curled his fingers around the back of Joel’s neck to bring him closer.

Slowly, Negan deposited kiss after kiss over the side of Joel’s face drawing closer to Joel’s lips. It caused Joel’s breathing to get heavy and a proud smile expanded over Negan’s features. Finally, Negan’s lips collided with Joel’s and he desperately kissed at the man he had grown to care for. Negan’s rough palms held onto Joel’s face while he kissed him and Negan could feel Joel gradually opening up to the kiss and begin kissing him back.

“See, not so bad…” Negan breathed out, reaching up to grab a handful of Joel’s messy hair while growling against Joel’s bottom lip. “One day you are going to realize how much you truly like me Joel Baker.”

“One day,” Joel snickered looking away from Negan and Negan gave him an odd expression. “I’ve been sitting here telling you that I want to take care of both you and Y/N.”

“I guess I should say one day I’ll realize how lucky I actually was to have someone like you in my life,” Negan nuzzled his nose against Joel’s and let out a long, shuddering exhale. “I wish the three of us could have had something so much more than we did.”

Drawing in closer Joel again, Negan attempted to kiss Joel only to hear the sound of tires squealing followed by the sound of a loud crashing sound. It caused Joel to pull his mouth away with a nervous breath. They both lifted their heads to see that there was a crash at the corner of the road by the hospital where the light was.

“Jesus Christ,” Negan pulled himself up and Joel did the same. “That looks bad.”

“Negan,” Joel called out when Negan got out of the car immediately and moved toward the accident that happened.

Negan noticed a woman in one of the cars bleeding from the head as he approached the accident. The car had started to smoke and Negan quickly got to the car to open the driver’s door, “Joel, help me!”

“I’m here,” Joel helped Negan pull the woman from the car as a fire started. They both managed to get the woman to a safe spot on the grass. Negan watched Joel pull his button-down shirt from his body and roll it up to put under the woman’s neck to keep her head elevated. Joel still had on gray Henley shirt that Negan imagined may get covered in blood if Joel still tended to the woman.

“Let me make sure no one else is in the car,” Negan pat Joel on the shoulder and checked to make sure the car was empty before looking to the other car that seemed to have caused the accident. There was a man slouched over the wheel and Negan went to go check on the man. Opening the door, Negan noticed the man wasn’t moving and he reached out to place his fingers over the side of the man’s neck to see if he felt a pulse. When he didn’t, he let out a nervous sound and stepped back. “Damn.”

“Is he okay?” Joel called out from where he was helping the woman. Negan looked to Joel to answer and a moment later he felt the force of someone knocking him to the hard cement making him let out a pained sound. Swiftly turning onto his back, he watched the man that was in the car lunge at him making him let out a strained sound.

“What the fuck?!” Negan braced his palms in over the center of the man’s chest that he thought he had just felt no pulse on. The man who had caused the accident seemed to be desperately trying to attack Negan, but Negan used his strength to keep the man over him. There was a strange growling coming from the man and he was snapping his jaws as if he was trying to bite Negan. “Get the fuck off of me.”

“Get off of him,” Negan heard Joel’s southern drawl fill the air and the man was swiftly pulled away from Negan. Joel used his power to shove the man across the road, causing the man to topple over backwards and Joel reached for Negan to help him up. Almost immediately, Joel seemed to place himself in front of Negan in a protective stance and Negan let out a winded breath.

“What the fuck?” Negan snapped, looking to his palms that had been scraped up by the cement during his fall.

“Stay back,” Joel warned when he saw the man that attempted to attack Negan slowly getting up on the other side of the road. Raising his hand in a warning, Joel hoped that the man would take a hint. “You try that again and I will knock you on your ass.”

“Fuck that, I’ll kill that son of a bitch,” Negan snapped, his blood boiling at the fact that the man had tried to attack him when Negan was just trying to help. Negan went to lunge forward at the man hearing him growling. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Negan!” Joel called out and Negan felt Joel grabbing him so fast that they fell backwards onto the cement when another car plowed through, managing to hit the man that had ran forward to attempt to attack Negan and Joel. Negan lifted his head, realizing that Joel had just saved him from getting hit by a car. “Are you okay?”

Negan was lost for words when he realized what had just happened. His heart was hammering in his chest from the rush of adrenaline and he couldn’t believe he just saw that guy plowed down by another car. Joel’s hand pressed in over the side of Negan’s face, urging him to try and look at him, “Negan? Are you alright? Talk to me.”

Negan didn’t say anything, just nodded with a shocked expression while Joel managed to help them up from the cement where they had both just fallen just out of reach from the car that almost hit him as well as the guy it actually took out.

“You just saved my life,” Negan acknowledged when Joel pulled him up and dragged him toward the side of the road. “Jesus fuck, you just saved my life. My fucking God.”

“Are you okay?” Joel inquired, his green-hazel eyes looking Negan over as he reached out to touch over the side of Negan’s face to survey him. “Do you believe me now that things feel fucking strange? This is not normal Negan.”

Negan looked beyond them to see that people were now helping the woman and he back stepped away from the scene. A few people had surrounded the man that had been hit by the car, but they were people who showed up after it had happened. Negan was shaken up and not in a good way, “When were you thinking about going to the cabin?”

“What about Friday? Will that give you enough time to gather some things?” Joel took notice of the anger that seemed to be flooding people lately. This was exactly the kind of thing that he was worried about.

“Friday is good,” Negan agreed, moving back toward the car again not knowing if he wanted to stick around to talk to anyone about what just happened. Hopefully no one saw the interaction him and Joel had with the man. Rather just the fact they had helped the woman out of her car. Negan couldn’t spend his whole day out here when Lucille needed him. “There was something wrong with that guy Joel.”

“He was an asshole,” Joel pointed out with a frustrated grunt. “They said people were rioting for no reason. He clearly caused the accident and he was just out to hurt anyone that he could. Including you.”

“No, I mean beyond being an asshole,” Negan remembered the look on the guy’s face while he was trying to attack him. “He had fucking weird eyes.”

“But you’re okay, right?” Joel reached out to look at Negan again and Negan pulled his face away from Joel with a laugh. “I’m just making sure.”

“Yes, you saved my life. I’m fine,” Negan stammered with a nervous sound, looking at the time. “I need to get back in there before Lucille gets back. You said Friday, right?”

“Friday,” Joel agreed with a simple nod, seeing Negan reaching for his pocket to make sure the money was there still was.

“Take it easy until then Professor. Keep me updated,” Negan watched Joel step forward to give him his phone and Negan put it back in his pocket. He went to Joel’s car to get the coffee that Joel had brought for him before clearing his throat. “That was fucked up. I tell you that.”

“No kidding,” Joel grunted, looking toward the scene seeing that the police had now shown up. “I don’t know…”

A moment of silence fell between them as Negan moved before him and reached out with his free hand to squeeze at his shoulder, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Joel nodded and felt Negan pat at the center of his chest. “Negan…just, be careful okay?”

“That was just a unique event Joel,” Negan tried to suggest, swallowing down hard. “We’ll be fine.”

“A unique that made you agree to come with me,” Joel pointed out and honestly Negan didn’t want to confess that scared the shit out of him. Hell, it was so fucked up, but he just wanted to believe that was a single event of a random asshole causing something. “I’m taking you guys Friday Negan, I’m serious.”

“I’m fucking serious too,” Negan stated with a grunt. “We’ll try to have everything ready by Friday. I’ll keep you updated on everything.”

Joel watched Negan quickly head back into the hospital and Joel could feel his heart hammering inside of his chest. What just happened was one of the craziest things he had ever seen happen in his life. Getting back in his car, he locked the doors once he was in and grasped tightly to the wheel.

It took a minute for things to settle down when he realized that Negan almost died the same exact way his daughter had in the past. The thought of that lingered in his mind and he was shaken up. In that moment with Negan Joel was able to do the one thing that he couldn’t do with his daughter which was save someone he cared about.

That really hit him hard when he thought about the idea of almost losing another person he cared about the same way that his daughter had died all those years ago. With everything that was going on around them, Joel realized that he never wanted to lose another person he cared about again and he would do whatever he had to in order to keep those he loved alive.

---

Blinking a few times, Y/N found herself laying wide awake in bed. She had woken up early and found herself having a hard time falling back asleep. It had been a hard two days since Joel had come back and told her what happened with Negan. Her thoughts were eating away at her with the idea of everything that took place between Joel and Negan that day. She hadn’t talked to Negan other than through text and she thought about how desperate Joel was to take all of them away to the cabin. Everything seemed tense in the moment and she had a hard time focusing on sleeping with how busy her mind was.

Looking over her shoulder, she saw Joel actually sleeping for once. After he had saved Negan from almost getting hit by a car, it had brought back a lot of memories of Joel’s daughter for him. Things that he thought he had gotten over, but when he saved Negan they had come back up. It got Joel emotional the day it happened that he was able to save Negan, but at the same time it was clear that he was still extremely shaken up by the idea of everything that had happened. Clearly it had bothered Negan too since Negan agreed to go to the cabin with them.

With the nervousness that Joel had, it had put a hold on the things that they had been working to build. Joel was attempting to make a room for the baby in the house and it was turning around to be a beautiful nursey, but after the events of what happened to Joel and Negan, he was eager to get the supplies for them to leave. Joel had gotten a new SUV so that way he had enough space for everyone to fit in it if need be and he convinced her after everything was over, it would be good for them to have with the baby.

They hadn’t really heard much more about the riots going on, but she was certain that if this was what Joel wanted to do, it was best for them to do it. If both Negan and Joel were nervous enough to agree to go to the cabin, then what they saw that day had to be pretty damn serious.

Shifting on her side, she stared out at Joel and noticed his eyes partially open when she moved. Leaning in, she pressed a loving kiss over his lips and heard him let out a hum of appreciation as she stroked the side of his face, “I love you.”

“I love you too sweetheart,” Joel responded, cuddling up closer on the bed near her as she brushed her fingers through his short beard. It took her a while before she realized she wasn’t going to fall asleep.

Her mind was filled with thoughts of Negan, Lucille, her parents and everything that she had known was taking place around them. She never got a response about her parents and that worried her. Then again, she assumed her parents may have just written her off completely, so she shouldn’t have been worried. It just lingered.

Managing to carefully pull herself out of bed without waking up Joel, Y/N reached for her phone and moved carefully out of the bedroom. Closing the door behind her, she walked down the hallway to stop inside of the nursey that Joel had been making. The sight of the crib that Joel had put together took her breath away. Joel was so amazing at taking care of them and doing everything he could to help her through her pregnancy. This room was gorgeous and she hoped that they would be able to put it to good use when the baby finally arrived.

Stepping toward the crib, she reached for the stuffed animal that was already inside of it. It was the first thing Negan had ever given her when he considered them going on their ‘first date’. It was way back when she went with her father and Negan to the baseball game. When Negan had given it to her then, she loved it, but thought it was rather silly. Now after everything that happened, she thought it would be best to give the stuffed mascot to the baby. It was something the baby’s father gave her in what she viewed to be a sweet moment.

In the corner of the room, there was a rocking chair that had the giant teddy bear that Negan had also gotten her on her birthday. Both stuffed animals were things that Negan had gotten her in hopes of making her happy. The teddy bear hurt for a while to look at during her relationship with Negan because it was a reminder of the pain he had put her through with her birthday, but after looking back at everything…it was easy to get over now. She didn’t want to be mad or angry with Negan anymore.

Setting the small stuffed animal back into the crib, she moved over toward the rocking chair and pulled the oversized bear into her arms. There was a sense of guilt that filled her body knowing that Negan had yet to know that she was pregnant with his child. So many times she could have told him, but she let her fear and nervousness get in the way. The world just wasn’t working with the two of them, but he needed to know. Especially if they were going to be living together.

The nursery reminded her all over again with the small things how much her heart truly belonged to both Negan and Joel. Joel completely gave up one of his rooms to make this room for the baby. It was sweet and there were personal details that Joel put in that made her swoon. Joel got prepared quite early for the baby and his excitement about everything made her excited. Originally, she hadn’t felt that excitement for the baby with how Negan made her feel about things, but with how happy Joel was about everything drew her to also be excited.

While she was still worried about the unknown, Joel had done a good job in making her realize that this baby was special. It wasn’t something bad or a mistake that Negan had made her think it was for quite some time. She just hoped when Negan truly found out that he would agree with her.

While she knew it was a good idea to probably head back to bed with Joel and get some rest, she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. Getting up from the rocking chair she moved down the stairs after putting the bear back and stepped out into the backyard. The sun had just started to rise and she walked out by the water. The cool brisk air caused her to shudder while she stared out at the water. Everything had felt perfect with Joel and really, it was. She loved him and there was no doubt of that, but she did feel like there was a piece of her missing with Negan not involved in this baby’s life…or honestly hers.

It was nice knowing that Joel thought so highly of Negan as well. Things were so much less complicated that way and it made her feel blessed that she didn’t have to go through all the stress of having a new, jealous boyfriend. Even though it felt uncomfortable at the time, it seemed like Negan persuading them to be a trio couple really actually made all of their relationships in general, better.

The sound of her phone ringing was heard and it jolted her heart since it was completely silent in the area around her. With the rhythmic sounds of the water splashing, she had gotten lost in the moment so it caused her to fumble for her phone. Looking at the name of the person calling her, she felt her throat go dry and eagerly answered.

“Hello?” she let out a long sigh, rubbing her free hand over her bare shoulder attempting to warm herself up.

“Hey beautiful. I was worried that you would still be sleeping,” Negan’s voice spoke over the phone and she closed her eyes, thankful to hear his deep, raspy voice on the other end. “I was originally planning on leaving you a message.”

“I can hang up and let you call again if you’d like,” she teased and heard his tired laugh on the other end.

“No, I would rather talk to you. The sound of your voice is the first comforting thing I’ve had in a few days,” Negan explained and she could tell by the sound of his voice that he was exhausted. She was hoping by getting him to come to the cabin with her and Joel that he would finally be able to sleep. With Joel and her at the cabin, Negan wouldn’t have to be the only person that would be with Lucille. “Actually, I have a request…”

“What’s that?” she retorted, shifting on her feet while she talked to him.

“Video chat me. I need to see your face,” Negan begged and she let out a hesitant laugh. “Please?”

“I just got out of bed Negan, I’m in my pajamas,” she informed him looking down at herself knowing she was in something comfortable. At this point in her pregnancy, there was no reason to even try to dress sexy. Being comfortable was the better option so she was wearing one of Joel’s shirts that was ridiculously too big for her.

“And I haven’t showered in days,” Negan reminded her with a grunt. “I look like a hobo.”

“I’m sure you look fine,” she insisted and Negan snorted at her response. Sure, the last time she had seen him he looked a bit rundown, but Negan always looked good. “If that’s what you want though…”

“It is,” Negan insisted and it took a minute before they got things to work. Negan’s video was a bit fuzzy, but she could tell that he was sitting in the hospital room. “The connection isn’t the best here, but Lucille is gone for a test and I just…I wanted to see you. You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

“You’re going to be seeing me soon,” Y/N reminded him as she moved over toward one of the lounging chairs that Joel had out by the water. Dropping down in it, she could see that Negan did look worn out. “Friday…”

“I wanted to talk to you about that,” Negan spoke up, clearing his throat while he got more comfortable in the chair he had been seated in for what felt like weeks. “Are you going to be okay with this? Living with Lucille and me? I know Joel is okay with it since he’s pretty much the one that convinced me to do it and I’m sure at this point in her life, the fresh air could be good for Lucille, but…”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay with it Negan?” she reached up to brush her hair behind her ear.

“Lucille isn’t going to last much longer Y/N,” Negan informed her with a firm nod. “I keep praying that something will get better. That I will get a miracle, but…I just see my girl fading more and more each day. Getting her out of this hospital so she can be at a place that makes her comfortable would be better for her, but…if we do this, you are going to have to put up with that.”

“I’m fully prepared to help both of you through whatever you need,” she promised, knowing that like Joel she needed to know that the both of them were going to be okay. “I love you Negan.”

“And I love you,” Negan repeated with an honest sigh. “So fucking much which is why I need to be sure that me being there is not going to fuck up things for you and Joel.”

“What do you mean?” she tilted her head to the side and watched Negan slide his palm down over the front of his face.

“I mean, you have the best possible man you could ever be with right there with you,” Negan admitted, knowing that Joel was twice the man he could have ever been. Joel was perfect and Negan wished he was more like him, but he knew he would never be. “I can’t come there knowing that I might mess up what the two of you have together.”

“Negan, we both love you…” Y/N reasoned with Negan and Negan smirked before nodding. “I heard what he did with saving you. He came home really upset.”

“He was upset?” Negan’s right eyebrow perked up and she bit down firmly on her bottom lip. “Why?”

“Negan, his daughter died getting hit by a car,” Y/N reminded him and she watched Negan’s face turn pale when she said that. “The idea of almost losing you from getting hit by a car really fucked him up. It made him think about his daughter and how he wasn’t there to save her.”

“But he was there to save me,” Negan muttered to himself, thinking about what had happened with Joel that day. It made him feel like shit that he didn’t realize that earlier. “You have a hero there on your hands and not just in the saving me from getting plowed down by a car. He just…he gives me faith in humanity. Something I never thought I would ever have.”

“So, you like him too, huh?” Y/N stated when she could see the expression that Negan had when she talked about Joel.

“It’s hard not to. He’s probably better than all of us,” Negan reasoned with her and she nodded. She felt blessed to have Joel in her life. There was so much good to him that he didn’t feel real sometimes. “I just need to know that being there with the two of you won’t ruin things.”

“Considering we’re both worried about you, I think it will make things easier,” she confessed, looking down toward her abdomen and she swallowed hard. “Actually, there is something I really need to tell you when I see you. Something that will prove that all four of us should really be together.”

“Oh?” Negan leaned his head back and yawned. “How about you tell me tomorrow? Tomorrow is Thursday, we are leaving on Friday…I’d like to look at our house. I know this is a weird time to put this on you, but I was thinking of probably getting our things out of that house. You and I can pick what we want to take with us to the cabin. Only the important things. Then I will get our stuff put away into storage together until we know what we need to do with it. Plus, I can get in a shower. I need one of those before we go. Lucille’s friend is supposed to come here for an hour or two. We can be quick, get what we need…I can get that shower in so I’m bearable on the drive up. You can tell me then.”

“You’re ready to get rid of the house, huh?” she felt her throat go dry and what Negan was admitting to her. She knew it would happen eventually but losing the house would be taking a lot of memories with it.

“Joel shouldn’t have to pay for a house that is just sitting there,” Negan stammered, seeing that her expression seemed disappointed when she said what he did. “Why does that make you upset?”

“It’s just…where we had our start, you know?” she reminded him and Negan half smiled, his tired eyes looking away from the phone for a moment. “So many important things happened there for us.”

“Our memories aren’t held together by a house,” Negan’s voice was quiet when he began to respond to her, “Our memories live on in our hearts. They continue to live on within ourselves as long as we open ourselves up to them.”

“That was exceedingly deep for you Negan,” she chuckled when her eyes teared over and she reached up to wipe at her face. “I’m just sentimental I guess.”

“Y/N, we’re going to be living together again. We can keep making memories together,” Negan pointed out, his own eyes tearing over when he stared out at her. “Just right now…I have to focus on Lucille and making things as special for her as I can.”

“I know that,” she agreed with him and sighed. “I want that for her too. She deserves to be happy. I wish this all wasn’t happening to her.”

“Me too,” Negan admitted with a pained breath knowing that he was trying to get through this without crying about what was happening to him. “Just meet me tomorrow at the house. Is that okay?”

“Of course,” she couldn’t deny him. Not now. “I’ll be there.”

“Good,” Negan bit at his bottom lip and reached up to brush his long fingers through his messy hair. “Y/N, I really…really have missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” she replied, tipping her head to the side when she could see that Negan was getting emotional with her.

“I love you, so much,” Negan muttered with a tremoring breath. “I hope you know that. After everything, I wish I could have been the man that made you happy like Joel does. I know you love me; you will always love me and I will always love you. I just…I need you to know before anything happens in my life to potentially change me—I have always and I will always love you. You’re the one person that made me want to be more. I just wish that I could have been that man that could be what you needed.”

“You were always what I needed Negan,” she lowered her gaze from the phone knowing that she was close to crying over what he said and she attempted to stop herself. “I would have done anything for you. I love you too.”

“Well, I’m glad that’s out there,” Negan smirked, reaching up to wipe at his face with the back of his hand. “At least we can still love each other still knowing that I belong with Lucille and you belong with Joel.”

“Right,” she nodded, feeling her heart hammering inside her chest when she could see a single tear sliding down Negan’s face. “Do you want to wait until tomorrow?”

“I have to,” Negan breathed out in a long shallow exhale. “But tomorrow. Meet me at our house at noon. Okay? We’ll talk then.”

“Sounds good,” she agreed, straightening up her posture in the seat she was in. “I’ll see you then.”

“I love you Y/N,” Negan brought his hand to his lips and blew her a kiss and she smiled involuntarily.

“I love you too,” she watched him give a single nod before the call ended. Lowering her phone back to her lap she felt the world spinning around her. There was something in the way that Negan talked to her that told her he felt like he was going to fall apart when Lucille died. It broke her that they even had to think like that.

The sound of barking pulled her from her thoughts when she looked over her shoulder to see Ghost running to her in the long length of Joel’s backyard. Laughing when he hopped into her lap on the lounge chair, she hugged the dog in her arms tightly and felt him licking her face from the obvious salty taste that her tears left. “Hey you…”

“I’m a bit jealous,” Joel’s deep southern voice filled the air and she looked back to see Joel walking down the backyard in his boxers. Joel reached down for Ghost’s ball and tossed it into the water. Ghost excitedly jumped out of her arms and into the water with a loud splash making the both of them smile. “I was hoping to get the first kiss this morning and he beat me to it.”

“Hey, you,” she slightly smiled, wiping at her face to try and hide that she was upset. The moment Joel saw her, he could tell something was wrong and she knew it. Joel knew her better than anyone.

“Morning beautiful,” Joel leaned down and she lifted up enough to meet him in a quick kiss, her palm sliding in over the side of his face. Joel pulled away, a confused expression over his face when he looked her over. “Everything okay?”

“Perfect,” she lied and scoot forward in the lounging chair, urging him to sit behind her. Joel did as she asked and sat down. When he was there comfortably, she leaned back into his chest and felt his muscular arms wrapping around her tightly. Linking her fingers with his, she felt Joel kissing her temple while they both stretched out on the chair.

“Don’t lie to me,” Joel muttered against her skin making her let out a heavy breath. “Talk to me.”

“You’re something else,” she cuddled in closer to him and held him closer to her. The warmth of him felt great in comparison to the coolness that had been surrounding her before. “I love you, you’re a good man.”

“Mhmm,” Joel pressed a loving kiss against the side of her face and rocked her in his arms while they watched Ghost pulling himself out of the water with the ball. Ghost came over beside them and dropped down watching the sunrise with them. “Now what’s up?”

“I was on the phone with Negan,” she couldn’t lie to him, so it was best to be honest with him. “He just said some things that got me…about us, about him.”

“Ah, well I reckon that makes sense then,” Joel seemed to be okay with what she said and she looked over her shoulder at him flustered. “I thought something was really wrong.”

“Most people wouldn’t be okay with their fiancée crying over their ex,” she pointed out again and she knew that they had talked about this previously, but she was so blown away by it. “Aren’t you at least jealous sometimes?”

“Of course I’m jealous. Negan just oozes sex appeal,” Joel acknowledged, clearing his throat when he thought about Negan. “I was so fucking shy, I hated getting into relationships. I wasn’t good with people, but Negan is so fucking confident. I wish I had some of that.”

“I like your shyness,” she squeezed her hands around his arm, feeling him nuzzling his nose against the side of her head. “It’s actually nice to have you not be like Negan.”

“But could you imagine having that kind of confidence? Heck, I can’t recall other than when I was a teenager ever having that kind of confidence,” Joel thought back to when he was young wondering if he was ever even that sure of himself.

“You kind of just answered your question. Negan kind of has a high schoolish personality,” Y/N retorted with a nervous sound knowing that Negan’s version of humor was always much younger and more immature than his age.

“Yeah, but he’s hot and he knows it and the way he has sex…” Joel began watching Y/N shift in his arms when she looked up at him. “You had sex with him when we were together. I saw the way he was with you. He just…knows what he’s doing. The man is incredible at reading people. Knowing what they like, knowing what to do to just make them fucking explode.”

“Uh huh,” she gave him a strange expression and Joel tilted his head to the side. “You shouldn’t be jealous of the way he has sex.”

“Why’s that?” Joel grunted, squeezing his arms around her tighter.

“Because I like sex with you just as much,” she heard Joel laugh and she shook her head. “I’m serious Joel. Sex with you is incredible. It’s not just sex, it’s love making with you. When you have that connection with something and you both are both so close on a personal level that’s something amazing. Negan did his best to make love to me a few times, but it’s nothing like the way you do it. While yes, with Negan, everyone enjoys raw fucking sometimes…”

“Well now,” Joel cleared his throat and laughed which caused her to shudder when his breath tickled down her spine.

“There are just times when a woman…or a man…needs to be made love to,” she thought about the times she had been with Joel. They weren’t sleeping together as much as she did with Negan, but her relationship with Joel was built on so much more than just sex. Unlike her relationship with Negan which focused on sex quite heavily throughout most of it. “And I’ve never felt so…loved than I do when I’m with you.”

“And here I was panicking,” Joel grumbled, while he held her closer to him. “I don’t know what your favorite position is. I don’t know what you like the most.”

“I just kind of do whatever someone else likes. That was kind of my relationship with Negan,” she recalled her relationship with Negan. “You were there. Negan just kind of controlled everything. He had an idea and he just went ahead with it.”

“Yeah, but you have to have a favorite,” Joel pointed out, getting more comfortable with her on the chair.

“What’s your favorite?” she lifted her head to look up at Joel and he rolled his eyes. “See, you don’t even know.”

“I just like being with you…” Joel explained and she held her hand up in the air.

“Yeah, but you cum harder when you’re being dominated,” she simply muttered making Joel choke when she said that before laughing. “I’m just saying…”

“I can tell you were dating Negan for a while,” Joel chuckled against the side of her neck, pressing a soft kiss against her flesh. “I’m not as open about sex and being as sexual as he is.”

“And you shouldn’t be. You could be just like him if you wanted to be, but I’m glad you’re not,” she admitted with a loud sigh. “I like you just the way you are.”

“There is one thing I’m kind of jealous of, on a serious level,” Joel let there be a silence between them for a moment before shifting behind her. “I wish I would have met you first.”

“Why is that?” she rest her head back somewhat to stare into his bright eyes.

“Because then you’d never have to worry like you do,” Joel stammered, reaching up to trace over her face. The delicate caress of his fingers caused a chill to run down her spine. The way Joel always looked at her was so enchanting. “You would have never had to experience the pain you have and you’d know my love is one hundred percent genuine.”

“I know that it is,” Y/N leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. That was one thing she knew. Joel was extremely genuine.

“Y/N…do you want to be engaged to me?” Joel interrupted their almost playful discussion making her sit up straight and look back over her shoulder at him. “With us being with Negan, he’s going to find out that we’re engaged. Are you…are you okay with that? If you aren’t and you’d rather be with him…”

“Negan is not the marrying type,” she denied Joel that answer and turned to face him in the chair so she could caress over the side of his face. “I don’t care if we’re living with Negan. I want to be married to you. You are the most amazing man I’ve ever known. You fight for those you love and I’ve never felt as safe as I do when I’m with you. I love you…so much.”

“I just know Negan…” Joel tried to reason and she hushed him, sliding her finger in over his lips to hush him.

“Negan is not better than you,” she insisted with an uncomfortable exhale. “That’s what is so sexy about you too Joel. You think about someone other than yourself. I was always so worried about how I was with Negan. Was I kissing him right? Was I performing sexually well enough to keep him around?”

“I think we all worry about those kinds of things,” Joel shrugged and realized that he was just very self-conscious about things so he assumed everyone was that way.

“Let me ask you this…if you could change one thing about me to make me more appealing, what would it be?” she reached out to cup his squared jaw in her hands, caressing her thumbs over the short beard covering his face. “Like my clothing choices…being dirtier in bed…”

“Why would I want to change something? You are who you are and what you are is perfect,” Joel interrupted her, his nose wrinkling when he reached up to palm in over the side of her neck. “If you are going to love someone, you need to love them the way they are. Accept them for how they are…”

“There is always something that could be changed,” she thought back to things that Negan had changed about her when they had started seeing each other. Negan had changed the way she had dressed. He urged her to wear a sexier lingerie and trained her in the things that he liked and to talk to ‘sexier’. “Everyone would prefer something more…something different.”

“You are perfect. We’ve already gone over this though,” Joel hushed her, reaching out to brush her hair from her eyes. Joel smirked and looked to Ghost who was lying beside them on the grass with the ball he had just retrieved from the water. “I know you don’t believe it, but you’re amazing. There isn’t a thing about you that I would change. I like you, just the way you are. You never have to change for me.”

“Fuck…” she released a long breath of air and saw the amused expression that Joel gave her. While Negan was amazing with her and obviously loved her, he changed her so much by the time that they had finally gotten together. With Joel, Y/N was completely unfiltered, was a total mess and yet…Joel still loved her. “And that…that’s why I want to be with you. Not Negan. I’m a mess and you just…love me for me.”

“Of course I do,” Joel leaned up to meet her in a desperate kiss.

“I would never question getting married to you when you make me feel…so loved,” she nibbled at Joel’s bottom lip hearing him hum with approval before grunting when she nipped a bit harder at his flesh. “We love Negan and he can be with us, but…you are the man I want to be married to. Don’t even doubt that.”

“Yeah?” Joel confirmed and she nodded desperately grabbing at the sides of his face. Y/N moved in to kiss Joel over and over again.

“When I think of perfection, I picture you,” she slid her hands up his chest, tracing over the hard muscle beneath her touch. “You have the most beautiful chest and arms I’ve ever seen…”

“You’ve said that once or twice,” Joel reminded her, watching her dip down to deposit wet kisses over his chest. Joel felt the lump in his throat growing while she caressed over his body with her wet mouth.

“You’re sassy, but within reason,” she nipped at his flesh and heard him growl when she did it. “Yet you remain to be the most loving, kind, forgiving, understanding man I’ve ever known. You’re my best friend, you know me more than I know myself…”

“Hey,” Joel reached for her face to cup it softly in his hand to meet her expression with his green-hazel eyes. “You don’t have to say all of this.”

“It’s true. There is so much about me that needs work, but with you I feel better. With you, I feel as close to perfect as I can get Joel. I love you and I want to be married to you. Having Negan in our lives is not going to change that,” Y/N knew that she truly felt that way. Having Negan there would complete that empty feeling she had, but Joel made her feel full and happy. Crawling carefully in over Joel’s lap, she reached for the bottom of his shirt she was wearing and pulled it up her body. Tossing the material beside them, she saw Joel’s eyes get wide at her bold movement. “You’re amazing.”

“Wow,” Joel swallowed down hard and she was in awe of the way the green in his hazel eyes sparkled with the sunrise in them. He was shocked with her brave move, but still slid his rough palms in over the sides of her body causing her to tremor.

“You need to learn how to relax,” she instructed reaching for his hands so he could grasp over her breasts and palm them in his tender caress. “That’s the only thing you could probably learn from Negan.”

“You want me to relax while we’re in my backyard and you’re topless over me?” Joel snickered and she teased her fingers through the dark hair covering his chest. Looking beside them, Joel saw Ghost asleep and he cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Should we…should we be doing this in front of the dog?”

“You’re too much,” she laughed, leaning forward to press a wet kiss over his lips and he moaned into her mouth when she ground her hips into his. “I think the dog is going to be fine.”

“He’s like a child; he shouldn’t have to see this…” Joel’s hands settled in over her hips and his response made Y/N laugh again.

“He’s seen worse,” she assured him with a firm expression that still resembled her cracking up to his nervousness of having sex around the dog. “He’s sleeping though, so if you’re quiet, I’m sure everything will be okay.”

“Yes ma’am,” Joel’s southern tone filled the air and Y/N smirked. Tugging the material of Joel’s boxers down his body he helped lift his hips up for her so she could pull the material from his body. Dropping it by the shirt she discarded, she could see Joel look around to make sure they were the only ones out. The muscles in Joel’s thighs flexed when she leaned forward to caress over them making him let out a tense breath.

“The way you look at me,” she moved in over Joel and saw the absolute adoration he had for her, “It’s incredible.”

“You’re incredible,” he whispered, sliding his hands up over the small of her back and toward her shoulders before one of his hands hooked around the back of her neck to carefully pull her in closer to him so he could kiss her. A muted groan fell from his throat when her body lowered down over his and she desperately wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “God, you’re beautiful.”

“Sometimes I don’t think I deserve you,” she kissed over the side of neck while softly rolling her hips over his time and time again. Joel’s soft moans were like music to her ears while she grasped tightly to his thick hair. “I worry that I’m the Negan in our relationship.”

“Oh, no…” Joel smiled, pulling his head back slightly to look up at her. “Negan doesn’t have breasts like yours…he could never be you.”

“Jesus Joel,” she laughed falling forward, her forehead pressing against his when he cracked a joke. That was one thing Joel had with her. During sex, Negan was so fucking serious and in the moment. Whereas with Joel they could laugh, talk and enjoy each other.

“I’m just being honest,” he chuckled meeting her lips in a desperate kiss while his hands settled in over her hips to help her rock her body over his and moaned against her mouth. “You’re the one that saved me Y/N. Not the other way around. You mean so much to me and I can’t picture a life without you in it.”

“You’re so sweet,” she pulled him back to her so she could kiss him.

“You know, Negan could still marry both of us,” Joel dropped his head back against the chair, looking down between them while she moved over him. “Well…not marry us, but he can get me one of those nifty promise rings and…”

“Shut up,” she chuckled, reaching back to brace her hands over his thighs and he kept a firm hold of her to help aid in her movements. “I forget what a sarcastic shit you are sometimes.”

“Now I can’t stop picturing Negan with tits,” Joel grumbled with a snort of a laugh making her laugh again. Her hand reached out to playfully smack at the side of his face and Joel reached out to pull her in closer to him. She rest her jaw over his shoulder while he kissed at the side of her neck over and over again. “All jokes aside…God, I love you.”

“I love you too,” she breathed knowing that Joel made her feel special and she was so glad that he was the person she would be going through everything with.

----

“Hey beautiful,” Negan lifted his head from his phone when they started wheeling Lucille back into the hospital room. Lucille offered up a weak smile when Negan got up from where he was sitting and helped the nurse return Lucille where she was supposed to be. “I was looking forward to seeing your face.”

“You’re silly,” Lucille reached out to press her hand in over the side of Negan’s face. “Shouldn’t you be getting things done before Friday?”

“I’ve been working on them. I’m going to finish things tomorrow,” Negan assured her with a wink knowing that he had already explained everything to her about where they were going. Lucille didn’t disagree with him that it would be for the best. He knew that she was sick of being in the hospital too. Joel had sent him the information on the hospital that was by the cabin they were apparently going to and Joel was right when he said it was one of the top hospitals in the country. So, if something happened while they were there, they weren’t far away from good people that could help Lucille. “You doing okay?”

“Just really tired,” she weakly muttered and Negan moved in closer to the bed, stroking his palm in over her forehead. “And dizzy.”

“Well pretty soon we’re going to get you out of here. My friend has set up the best transportation for us so we can get you out into some nature,” Negan informed her with a bright smile, tipping in to press a loving kiss over her temple. “You sure you are going to be okay with that?”

“It’s better than here,” Lucille weakly smiled, her bright green eyes seemingly a bit dull in color as opposed to how they used to be. “It will be good for you.”

“Me?” Negan tilted his head to the side and she licked at her dry lips before swallowing down hard. She nodded making a half smile press in over Negan’s tired features. “Why do you say that?”

“You need to rest. You need a break,” she muttered and it was almost in a whisper. Negan slid his palm in over the side of her face and he traced his thumb over her cheekbone. “From…all of this.”

“I’m still going to be at your side babe, you’re stuck with me,” Negan leaned forward, pressing loving kisses over the side of her face making Lucille smile. Weakly, she squeezed at Negan’s hand and locked her eyes on his. “Nothing is changing when we leave. It will just be more comfortable for us, but I’m not leaving your side.”

“Negan,” she frowned, her eyebrows clenching together while she thought about something. “I just want you happy.”

“Here with you makes me happy sweetheart,” Negan gave her a wink and got comfortable resting at the edge of the hospital bed while he stared out at her. “Just being with you makes me happy.”

“You’re miserable,” she frowned and Negan shook his head immediately. “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this.”

“I would do this all over again to be with you Lucille,” Negan shook his head and continued to caress over the side of her face while he spoke to her. The tracing of his rough fingers over the side of her face seemed to calm her and he felt his heart breaking looking at her. She was so beautiful, but she was pale and a lot thinner than what he was used to. Even so, Negan still found her just as beautiful as ever. “I’m so sorry you are going through this. If I could switch places with you…I would…”

“You need to start looking up,” she suggested with a shake of her head. “We can’t change what already is.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t curse God for this,” Negan answered, his eyes narrowing while he thought about her being sick. “You don’t deserve this.”

“No one deserves this,” Lucille corrected him with a long sigh and she shrugged her shoulders. “It happened, now we just have to cherish what we had.”

“It’s made me think of all of that should have been,” Negan confessed and he knew that Lucille would want that to be something he wouldn’t do, but he couldn’t help it. There was no doubt that Lucille was dying and he knew that. He didn’t want to believe it. He wanted to believe that by a miracle she would pull through and be able to go back to a normal life, but they knew now that was impossible. They just had to do what they could to keep her comfortable and around for as long as they could. “I keep thinking about what we should have done.”

“You can’t do that. We’ve talked about this,” she sighed, finding it hard to really find the energy to fight with Negan over this. She said it before, he knew how she felt about everything. “It’ll just make you sad.”

“But I am sad Lucille. I just wish we could have had that baby and we could have had a family,” Negan stammered, his voice shaken while he thought about their past together. “For so long we had dreams about having a family and I just wish we had that, you know? I wish we could have had a family and we could have been happy.”

“You would have been a good dad,” Lucille made Negan smile when she said it and she saw him lower his head down. Shakily reaching her hand out, she slid it in over the side of his face and traced over his rough features.

“I wish. I always wanted to be a dad, you know? Could you imagine what that would have been like? God, that would have been everything to me,” Negan finally explained to her how he felt about having children, although it was a little too late to actually feel that way. “When we got married, I wanted it all. You know? The white picket fence, the happy family. Maybe a boy and a girl. So much I longed to be a dad. I thought we would have the cutest kids. You know?”

Lucille nodded and Negan could feel his eyes tearing over as he spoke to her about the idea of children with her, “I wanted a baby just as much as you did Lucille. I just never said how disappointed I was about not being able to have one because I didn’t want to take away how you felt about it. With it being my fault, I figured I only had myself to blame.”

“It’s not your fault,” she felt guilty hearing him say that. “It’s not.”

“You should be surrounded by people who love you. Kids that help leave your legacy behind when we’re no longer here,” Negan rambled, reaching up to caress over Lucille’s hand that was still softly touching his face. “I wish we could have had that so much.”

“I wish we could have shared a lot of moments together too Negan. I love you,” she felt her arm getting weak and she had to lower it to the bed, her eyes getting heavy while she let out a shuddering exhale. “So much.”

“I love you too,” Negan leaned forward to press a peck over her lips and he saw a weak smile press over her features. “You are everything to me and I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

“Ditto,” she winced almost and Negan’s head tilted to the side. “It’s not too late.”

“For what?” Negan grabbed a soft hold of her hand and caressed his thumb over her pulse point.

“To be a good dad,” she responded, clearing her throat as she spoke. “This trip…this cabin…it will be a good start.”

“What?” Negan found himself confused with what she was saying and he lowered is his head. “Yeah, I think it’s going to work well for us to have a fresh start on feeling better. A fresh start on being more comfortable.”

“No…Negan,” Negan could feel her hand shaking and his gaze locked on hers when he saw a sense of fear behind her eyes and his smile faded.

“Lucille?” Negan watched her head fall back and hit the pillow. Quickly moving to his feet, Negan reached out to urge his hand against the side of her face to try to pull her awake. “Hey? Baby? Baby wake up.”

Negan lowered his head against her chest to make sure that her heart was still beating and when he heard that it was, he quickly reached for the red button that was beside her bed to get help from the nurses. Frantically, Negan tried to wake her back up and he could sense that something was different this time.

Yes, she had been exhausted before and she had fallen asleep mid conversation, but the way she was shaking and the final look she gave him scared the hell out him. It was different and he could tell it. It was fear she looked at him with last and his heart was pounding inside of his chest. Every part of him was shaking and he didn’t know what to do.

“Lucille,” Negan repeated her name again and again until finally a few nurses showed up in Lucille’s room. It took a lot to get Negan away from her while they tried to figure out what was happening with Lucille. Negan didn’t want to leave her side. Hell, he didn’t want anyone near her, but him, but the nurses forced him away toward the corner.

An incredible sense of fear overwhelmed Negan’s body while he watched the woman that he loved getting worked on by the medical staff that had flooded into the room. Panic rushed through his veins and he felt everything inside of him locking up. This couldn’t be the end. It just couldn’t be.

----

Tags: @slutlanna976 @nubbinrobin @oreostars @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @felicity291 @de-gabyconamor @ibelongtonegan @smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan @redmercysugar @caprithebunny @iluvneganandjamie @ninamarietwd @tuttifuckinfruitty @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted @akumune @stoneyggirl @xsarcasticwriterx

#Jeffrey Dean Morgan #Negan #negan x reader #negan fanfiction #The Walking Dead #twd fanfiction

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sirloozelite · 3 years

Text

A Review of SWTOR

So, not too long ago, a pair of friends (frenemies more like) of mine were playing SWTOR... and suffice to say they would not shut up about it. I’d always been aware of the game in the back of my mind, but it had never really appealed to me. MMO’s don’t really, as I would always be worried about random players sticking their nose in whilst I was trying to keep to myself.

Still, my friends would not shut up about it, and they kept recommending it to me, despite my internal aversion to it. Now, considering that they had both foolishly taken my advice on games to play in the past, I decided to return the favour and give SWTOR a chance.

And boy was I glad I did. Is SWTOR a good game? Yes... and no... and yes. It’s not perfect, it’s got problems, but it’s still a lot of fun, and I’m glad I’ve done at least one playthrough of the game.

Upon loading up I of course had to choose what storyline I wanted to follow. Since both of my buddies had gone Jedi Knight, (though I’d argue that a certain someone made their Jedi about as deplorable as Anakin) I decided to be the awkward one and went Sith Inquisitor instead, and honestly... I think I chose perfectly!

Oh and... for those interested... here is my Inquisitor:

His name is the Sixteenth Brother! What’s his backstory? Well... that depends on who you ask! Some say he’s the 16th sibling of a Zabrak family... others say he chose the name to hide his true one. Some even say he’s a time traveller from a distant future sent back in time after accidentally finding a Sith relic in his time. Whatever the truth is matters little. All that matters is that he was great fun to play as.

Oh and for the record, this review is based on a Free To Play experience and completion of the class storyline only. I’ve not touched the expansions yet, but intend to at some point. Any criticisms I have that are solved by subscribing are a moot point. Furthermore, it goes without saying but all of the below is my own opinions of the game. Doesn’t make them right or wrong.

The Good

There are many good things about SWTOR, almost too many to name. That said, there are some things I’d like to highlight.

The Story

The first and foremost best thing about the game is of course, the story. Being a Bioware written game created at the same time as the Mass Effect trilogy, I expected a good story... and I was not disappointed by the tale of the Sith Inquisitor. It was the standard tale of a protagonist coming from lowly origins, in this case a slave, and advancing up the ladder of society. Nothing too revolutionary, but add in the Sith and the Empire and it was made all the more better. Frequently, poor 16th Bro would get hounded for being an alien, and each and every time he’d beat the odds, and then usually show mercy to those who had insulted him. (I played him mostly light side... though there were a few times I surrendered to the dark and zapped people)

The world building within the story was also top notch. Plenty of detail is hidden away in the codex, much like Mass Effect, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t stuff in the actual gameplay and story as well. I’d never really been a legends fan, and whilst I’m still not, I do see why a lot of people love these sorts of stories. I was invested, and that’s what mattered.

Outside of the Sith Inquisitor, the very fact that there are seven other unique storylines and classes to play, as well as heavy character customization and role play more than make the game worthy of revisiting. There is a little bit of something for everyone it seems.

The Characters

Another great strength of Bioware games is usually it’s characters, especially the protagonists companions. I can happily report that, at least for the Sith Inquisitor, the vast majority of the characters in the story were great.

The three standout characters outside of the Inquisitor to me were Khem Val, Ashara Zavros and Talos Drellik.

That’s not to say that Andronikos, Xalek, Zash and Thanaton weren’t good characters either, I just didn’t enjoy them as much as Khem, Ashara and Talos.

Each character felt like they had their own arc. Khem Val growing to accept you as a Master and true successor to Tulak Hord was great, even if he and 16th Bro were constantly disagreeing about 16th’s methods. Despite his dislike of the decisions, I still sided with him when the time came to choose who got to control his body for good.

Ashara going from “I’m a Jedi and I won’t go against my teachings!” to “Peace is a lie!” was good development as well. I understand that some people don’t like this character much, but she was my go to companion most of the time. She’s not quite a Sith, but not quite a Jedi either, and that made for a perfect companion for the 16th Brother, as he was hardly a model Sith either.

As for Talos... well... he’s an archaeologist and a historian... and I’ve got a degree in history... so of course I was going to love him! Plus he was eccentric as all hell and added a nice voice of humour to the crew. His personal story about him trying to find his old mentor and carry on his legacy was heartfelt too.

As for everyone else, I was invested in their characters, don’t get me wrong, just not as much as the others. Both Zash and Thanaton were good villains that I took pleasure in ending, and Andronikos and Xalek got their fair amount of use on the field and in the ship. Everyone was friends at the end after all.

The Voice Acting

The other good point I’d like to highlight is the voice acting, particularly that of the male Sith Inquisitor. I’ve heard people say the female voice is better, but for my experience the male Inquisitor was the perfect match of sass and sarcasm. It made every scene with him in enjoyable to watch. RPG games were a single protagonist can get a bit boring sometimes. Commander Shepard suffers from this in Mass Effect at times. I never got that feeling with the Inquisitor though. He was hilarious from the second he stepped off the shuttle on Korriban and sassed Overseer Harkun (who I totally zapped to death) to the moment he took his seat on the dark council with a surprised Pikachu look on his face.

So yeah... super credit to Euan Morton for making the Inquisitor the dark master of sass and sarcasm!

Outside of the Inquisitor, I can say that all the other VA’s did a great job too. I can’t think of any character that had particularly bad voice acting off the top of my head.

Other Good Stuff

Outside of the three things I mentioned, SWTOR also has plenty of content to offer for everyone. If you want to do main missions, sure! Side quests? Sure! Space combat missions? Yep! Whatever you fancy, it’s there. There is no shortage of content to enjoy for hours on end, even as a Free To Play player like I was.

The Bad

And now to most likely upset some people... sorry about that, but no game is perfect, and SWTOR has some flaws that could put people off playing it. This stuff is by no means a game breaking deal for me, but it did annoy me and I felt like it needed addressing.

The Game is Tedious

My biggest complaint is that at times, usually after an hour of playing, the game can become tedious and boring to play! There were times it felt like a chore honestly, and I hate saying that because SWTOR is a good game.

The main reason for it feeling so tedious though comes down to how you move around the maps. When you can, fast travel is your best friend and can save a lot of time, however, not everywhere has a fast travel point near it.

This is where speeders come into play. You can buy one for a reasonable amount of credits, and they are faster than walking for sure, but not by much.

The problem with the speeders is that it is so easy to get shot off of one by one of the random enemies you are trying to drive past (and believe me there are hundreds of them!) that is becomes aggravating to move around the map from objective to objective. Avoiding enemies isn’t hard for sure, but sometimes you have to go right past them, and after hours of fighting enemies it can get a bit tedious being shot off your speeder in one shot just because you didn’t want to waste time fighting an enemy. Once you hit your level cap, fighting random enemies is pointless after all.

Maybe that’s just me though. I’d personally make the speeders a bit more durable. One tiny shot shouldn’t disable your speeder. Heavy fire... sure! Doesn’t help that sometimes you can tank a bunch of shots on your speeder and escape without being knocked off, but then on another occasion you’ll be knocked off by a sneeze.

Either way, movement around the maps can get annoying as all hell, but at least the scenery is pretty.

The Planets

Now don’t get me wrong, I like all the planets I went to... mostly... and my issue isn’t with the planets in general.

It’s with how bloody long it takes to complete them all.

The Story Arc quest lines for each planet can take forever sometimes and they end up going on a bit too long if you ask me. Alderaan and Hoth are the two that come to my mind the most. It felt like I spent weeks on those planets driving back and forth between areas to do simple tasks for little reward. Plus the sheer number of side quests didn’t help. I stopped doing everything that wasn’t a story or Arc quest once I hit Hoth!

Don’t get me wrong, I like side quests for sure... I just don’t like them to drag on forever! In a lot of ways, SWTOR reminds me of Mass Effect Andromeda. That game too also had side quests that went on forever.

My one piece of advice to nay new players for SWTOR would be to ignore the side quests and focus solely on your class story quests and planet Arc quests instead. If you try and do everything, you’ll burn yourself out quickly. Unless you are a completionist of course. In that case go nuts! XD

Other Bad Stuff

Aside from my two big gripes above, which are honestly minor in reality, the only other issues I really have with the game are the boring side objectives in some missions. Nine times out of ten they equate to ‘kill a bunch of dudes’. They are easy enough to complete, as you’ll be killing things anyways, so you don’t really need to put any real thought into completing most of them. They just feel tacked on and rather pointless honestly.

The Ugly

And now the ugly stuff. This is stuff that is between good and bad. Bad as in they annoyed me, but good as in I understand why others like them or they improved over time.

The User Interface

Oh god the UI! When I first started the game it was so overwhelming! Pop-ups everywhere! Hundreds of tabs and side bars and tutorial boxes being spammed my way. It was not friendly to a new player who had literally just jumped in. If I hadn’t played games like Civ or XCOM in the past I might not have been able to cope with how much stuff was going on at once.

Luckily, after a few hours of play, I began to understand the UI a bit more and became comfortable with it. I knew what was where and what did what, as well as what I didn’t need. (any PvP stuff for example) Plus the ability to edit the interface to your own liking helped a lot as well, so it wasn’t a complete lost cause, just overwhelming at first.

Flashpoints and Heroic Missions

So, these missions are designed to be played with other players online, clearly. They can be done solo, but they take forever to do so. Endless hordes of high HP enemies, including even higher HP boss fights is not that entertaining to me, and thus very quickly became boring to me. Artificial difficulty in a way. Plus if you do die, it ain’t half a pain in the ass to get back to where you were, only to find that boss that had 5% health left when it killed you is now back to 100%.

I gave up doing these sorts of missions and have no intention of returning to them unfortunately, which is a shame as some of the flashpoints have actual important story content in them.

Still, if unlike me you actually have friends to help you with these, then I get why you like them, and more power to you. I just don’t enjoy them much.

The Soundtrack

And now to really upset some people. Look... I like John Williams music scores as much as the rest of the fandom does. That said, there were places in SWTOR where it showed up and really really did not work! It almost felt like the game was just spamming random iconic tracks that sort of fit the scene, but really didn’t.

The biggest one for me that didn’t work was the final duel against Darth Thanaton in the Dark Council Chambers. During the cutscene between the two fighting, the music started on ‘The Final Duel’ from ROTJ when they were fighting, and they suddenly it shifted to the theme from Padmés funeral when Thanaton was overpowered! I mean, I get what they were going for with the music, but the sudden shift between tracks was unceremonious and didn’t work. If they were going to use licensed movie music then they should have just chosen one track and stuck with it rather than jumping between two!

Furthermore, to me those themes were written for specific scenes in their respective movies, and thus were created to fit those scenes, not random SWTOR scenes. If anything, the entire scene should have had it’s own score written for it rather than just reuse movie tracks instead!

That said, whenever the game does use original music that isn’t from the movies, it’s fine! The ambient background for the planets is great, Alderaan’s especially, and I hated that planet! They clearly had the talent of music directors to write Star Wars sounding music, so I don’t fully get why they didn’t just go with original music all the way rather than just reuse John Williams music instead. I don’t know if they didn’t have enough money or something. If that was the case then I’d understand.

So yeah, the music is a 50/50 for me. The original music is great. The movie music is still great, it’s just not used right.

Other Ugly Stuff

WASD controls. They aren’t game breaking, but I’m not a great fan of them. They make my wrist hurt. I adapted, like I did with the UI, so it’s not really a big issue, but I know it could put one or two people off playing it.

Another minor gripe is a consequence of the game being an RPG within an MMO. Other players are running around, often doing the same objectives as you. They can steal your objectives before you, forcing you to wait around for them to respawn so you can do them yourselves. Luckily there is usually other stuff to do in the meantime, and the re-spawn timer is smallish, so it’s not a huge problem. Just an unfortunate consequence.

Conclusion

So... would I recommend playing SWTOR to people? Yes! I would. It’s a good game, even with it’s flaws. I had a lot of fun running through the Sith Inquisitor’s storyline, and I learnt a lot about the game for any future playthroughs I do. I know what to expect now and what to stay away from, so hopefully whatever class I choose to do next will be full of less annoying little things.

That said, considering how long it took me to do the Inquisitor’s story, I feel like I’m gonna need a serious break before I can play another class. I was almost burnt out when I finished the Inquisitor, and I’ve still got the two free expansions to go!

So yeah... all in all, SWTOR is a good game,. I’d recommend it, and I’m glad I gave it a fair chance. It’s not in my top 10, but it’s one to return to. :)

So, if you’ve ever thought about trying out SWTOR before but were apprehensive about it, then I’d encourage you to give it a shot. It is free after all! Unless you subscribe. But you can at least try it for free! Bonus I say! XD

#swtor

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thesvenqueen · 4 years

Text

With All My Love

Rating: M Pairing: Kristanna (as if it would be anything else)

Also on AO3 Previous Chapters

{Chapter 11}

“Have you named them?”

Kristoff chuckles, “No I haven’t.”

“And why not?”

He shrugs, “No reason to really.”

Anna pokes his side, “There is a reason, they need names.”

“I know,” He says, looking down at her, “You’ve told me once before.”

She pauses her antics, looking up at him slightly confused, “I have?”

He nods, “In a letter, once before. I mentioned I had a few chickens and your first question was if I’d named them.” He smirks at her, “You said nearly the same thing when I said I hadn’t.”

Anna blushes as she looks away, embarrassed by the thought that she didn’t remember such a conversation. Would he be hurt to know she couldn’t remember? “I’m sorry...I don’t..”

“Hey,” He squeezes her hand, willing her to look back to him, and she does, finding his eyes soft, always so soft when he looks at her, “It’s ok. It was a long time ago.”

She returns the smile sheepishly, remembering the kiss they’d shared just moments ago and with him looking at her with his lopsided grin, how much she wanted to steal another.

Before she can even think to make a move, he nods over to the barn, “Come on then.”

“Can I still name them?”

“Only if you want to.”

She does, much to Kristoff’s teasing, and they were simple enough. Sunny for the yellow hen, Autumn for the brown one, Olaf for the smallest of the bunch, a fluffy, white hen, and Grumps for the Rooster.

“Grumps?”

“He tried to peck me.”

“Anna, you had seed in your hand.”

She shrugs, “He charged at me and tried to peck me, he’s a grump so he will be named Grump.”

Anna swears that the rooster glares at her as she leaves.

~.~

“He’ll try to get you to brush him longer, but he only needs a quick rub down. Nothing else. He just likes the attention, the big ham.”

Sven looks up at that, seeming to be offended by the name calling. He snorts at Kristoff, which sends a few bits of hay and slobber his way. Anna giggles as Kristoff groans while he wipes away the bit of muck, Sven shaking his head as though he was laughing along with her.

“Nothing wrong with a little attention, is there Sven?” She says, scratching behind the creature's ears. The creature looks to her, smiling appreciatively.

“You say that now, just watch, he’ll keep you here all day if you’re not careful.”

Anna hums, “I wouldn’t mind.”

“I would.” Kristoff says, teasing.

“And why is that?”

“Keeps you away from me.”

Anna blushes, watching as he takes the two steps towards her and wraps his arms around her waist loosely. She doesn’t wait then, standing on her tiptoes and leaning in. He meets her half way with another soft, tender kiss that makes Anna feel like she’s flying, soaring above the clouds.

Sven doesn’t seem to enjoy the moment as much, as a loud grunt comes minutes (was it minutes?) later.

~.~

“Have you ever thought about a goat? Or a sheep? Oh, or a cat?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“It would be another animal to feed and take care of plus,” Kristoff says, “Sven gets easily jealous.”

“But the goat could eat the weeds and give him company. And a cat could keep the mice away!”

“True but…”

“And a sheep could give you wool! I can knit, a bit at least, Gerda taught me as much as she could and I can make you a sweater or OH! A blanket or even a hat, a new one.”

“I like my hat just fine, thank you.”

“How long have you had it?”

He shrugs.

“See! I could make a new one, a really soft one if there was a sheep.”

“Maybe,” Kristoff says, closing the barn door. “It’s not a bad idea.”

Anna smiles, raising up to kiss him on the cheek. “See, I have good ideas.”

“Never said you didn’t.” He teases.

“Still, I have the best ideas.”

“That...remains to be seen.”

She giggles, leaning her head against his arm as they move towards the back of the cabin hand in hand. Another idea pops in her head, “Oh, how bout a pig?”

“Absolutely not.”

~.~

The garden, much like everything else here, is fairly simple. It sits behind the cabin, a neat little square with a few vegetables growing, some spices, and some flowers that Anna thinks may be weeds.

Still, it’s perfect.

“I’ve always wanted a garden.” Anna says, running her hand along the tops of a few waist high crops that Kristoff said were corn.

“You didn’t have one at the castle?”

Anna shakes her head, “Not like this. Our garden was more just the castle grounds. Some flowers planted around. All our food we bought from the village. It’s fine, of course, helped the village and the people but I always loved the idea of growing it myself.”

There had been a few times Anna had mentioned such an idea to Gerda. Unfortunately, it would fall on deaf ears. Gerda, of course, had loved the idea but no one within the castle was as keen to it. It was another duty, another chore that no one wanted to do. Anna had nearly suggested she herself could tend it to, but again, it would be more teaching and learning before she could fully handle it on her own.

Something that she knew no one would really want to assist with either. Still, the thought of getting her hands dirty, to tend to it during the day, to feel accomplished at the fact that she had achieved something was something she’d longed for. Would make her feel as thought she’d accomplished something for once.

Kristoff crosses his arms along the top of the hoe he’d brought along, laying his head on top of it as he eyes her, “Well, is there anything specific you want to grow?”

Anna shrugs, “I’m willing to grow anything really…”

“But?”

“...but I’ve always wanted to grow flowers.”

“Not surprised.”

Anna rolls her eyes at him, smirking, “Not a lot. Just...a few. Or one really.”

“Which one?”

“A sunflower.” Anna smiles, looking back to the small, sprouting cabbages. “We never had them growing at the castle, not often anyways. But Gerda always managed to snag one or two when she’d make trips to the village in the summer, bring them when she could for me. They’re my favorites.”

Kristoff smiles at her, tilting his head, “They’re not the easiest to come by but...maybe next time I make a delivery, I can try to see what I can find. I’m sure someone in the village is selling seeds.”

Anna looks at him, smiling at the thought of her own sunflowers growing. Though the idea of him returning to Arendelle sparks a feel of dread deep within her.

~.~

There’s not much laundry, but they decide to do it all the same. Something for Anna to learn, she says, to burn more time.

So they walk to the nearby river, Kristoff carrying the tub & washboard.

There is a silence between them that’s comfortable, one that Anna feels no desire to break. Normally, any bit of silence has her on edge, uncomfortable by the stillness. At the moment, however, it’s nice. Nothing but the sound of the birds, the slight breeze rustingly the trees, the sound of rushing water in the distance.

When they do arrive at the river, after showing Anna how to use the waterboard, they talk.

It’s as though they’ve known each other for years, which in hindsight they have, but the easiness of their conversation does not go unnoticed by her.

The awkwardness between them has left, completely evaporated and leaving behind an air of ease and contentment. No, not content, happiness, joy.

They talk of his week, what news Kristoff has heard in the village and the latest gossip.

She shares, now that she’s able, what she can about the castle. He doesn’t have many questions, though Anna suspects he is holding some back out of respect, but it’s nice to finally be able to speak about it all the same.

“How did you get the job at the castle anyways?”

“Bit of luck really.” Kristoff says, taking a shirt from her to wring out. “I’d just started, the new guy you could say and one of the older harvesters mentioned how a delivery was needed to the castle. He usually did it but he was too busy to make it. I overheard and volunteered.”

“Wanted to see the castle, huh?” She teased.

He chuckled, “That and the money was good. Really good actually, better than most sales I make in the square.”

“And you just kept going.”

Kristoff shrugged, wringing the shirt once more, “After that, I kept getting the requests and handling it so it became my job. The guy didn’t seem to care, took a duty off his plate I think, and I was glad to do so.”

“Me too,” Anna says with a smile, glancing up at him as he blushed just so, “Don’t know what I’d done without you honestly.” Anna said, scrubbing her dress against the washboard. “Was always nice to talk to someone outside the castle for a change.”

He pauses after she answers, a turn from the ease and flow they’d had for a while now. It makes Anna look up, seeing him stare into the water, shirt still in his hand.

“Kristoff?”

“You said you were lonely.” He says, keeping his eyes to the river, “I knew it had to be hard, but now, knowing you were in that huge castle alone like that for so long…I had no idea...”

Anna pauses her own work, going to him and taking the shirt gently from his hands. She places it in the bucket before taking the shirts place, having his arms wrapped around her, her hands on his chest.

“It’s ok,” She murmurs, smiling gently at him, “I’m ok.”

Kristoff smiles meekly at her, a storm in his eyes that Anna has not seen before but one that does not bring her much concern. It’s not one of turmoil or anger, but hurt and sadness. His hands clutch her dress, his arms growing tighter around her so she is as close as she can be to him now, his head leaning against her own. “You’ll never have to live like that, ever again Anna.” He whispers, a secret made between them, “I swear it.”

Another promise, one that Anna knows he will keep as he’s already kept many before. She bites her lip before nodding her head, words escaping her. She lets her kiss speak for her, pouring as much love into it as she can. His hand moves to the back of her head, fingers tangling into her hair as his other hand squeezes her hip. Her own hands find the nape of his neck, nails grazing softly along his scalp.

She could do this forever, she thinks, kissing him, being with him. With all she has, she hopes she can.

#kristanna #kristoff #anna #with all my love #jessica writes

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obiwns · 4 years

Note

Maybe...Ben Solo as a rebel meeting the reader on a mission? He wants to be with her but he doesn't want her in danger.

a/n: small mention of blood. super long and unrevised.

word count: ~3k holy shit i’m so sorry

how could ben be so foolish? he didn’t know what had gotten into him. whatever it was, it was costing both him and the resistance their future. he knew he should’ve called in for reinforcements and taken what information he got, but he wanted to prove to his mother that he could be out and trusted on high profile missions - ‘like poe dameron,’ he thought. he assumed now that it would be out of the question if he returned. if.

labored breaths and electricity shot up his sides as he weaved through the crowds of the lush planet he hadn’t cared to memorize. that was his first mistake. he could already hear the condescending and hushed tone of his mother reprimanding him for his carelessness. never mind, he had to focus on finding somewhere safe to stay.

the angry shouts of city-goers dragged him to the present as he twisted and turned down dingy alleyways. he turned left, a small but inaudible ‘fuck’ slipping past his chapped lips as he stared down the dead end that jeered at his rash decision. ben looked around frantically before his hand reached towards his belt, feeling for the handle of his blaster - ‘a last minute resort,’ he deemed.

“runnin’ from the troopers?” a gentle voice broke the silence. he pivoted quickly, brows furrowed but brown eyes widened with uncertainty. his shoulders dropped in relaxation when he noticed that you posed no immediate threat to his life. you raised your brows when he didn’t reply. he nodded, swallowing thickly as you offered him a slight smile. you moved towards your door, sandy robes dancing behind you as you switched which arm was carrying the weight of the woven basket you held. the man before you rushed in behind and shut the door. just then, the sound of a patrol rounded the corner and loudly voiced that they lost the rebel to their comms.

after a moment when the dust settled and the quietness of your street had returned, ben peeked through the curtains of your windows. he released a sigh of relief when he noticed their absence. he turned around, eyes adjusting to the dimly lit living space. it was nice, more or less, and it seemed to fit someone of your aesthetic. it felt like a home.

by your voice, the silence was broken, “you promise you’re not a murderer?” you ask, turning around to point a knife at him accusingly. the rebel released a breathless chuckle as he threw up his hands in mock surrender. the lightness in your voice told him that you were joking. he hoped.

“keep one eye open tonight,” he quipped in response. ben raised a hand to gesture around your home, “your home is very nice- oh! and thank you for the help. i’m ben.”

you smiled at him and observed his frame carefully. he stood tall with a leather jacket hugging his torso and two weapons holstered to his hip. your eyes squinted as a small cloud of steam rose from his arm. with a faint head tilt of growing confusion, ben’s gaze followed your own and his jaw dropped at the sight of torn fabric and felt a sudden pool of warmth at his bicep. his opposite hand reached up and gingerly touched the laceration. sure enough, blood.

with astonished chuckles coming from both of you, you put down the knife. the groceries within your basket were long forgotten as you trailed away to the lavatory. the jedi followed you tentatively. you pulled out an ointment and a clean cloth, presenting it to ben. he moved out the way, still following you as you moved to the dining area. you gestured for him to sit, which he complied with.

you turned, washing your hands in the sink before drying them off. you grabbed a spare, clean cloth and returned to ben’s side, helped him shrug off his jacket. the hiss of pain made you grimace.

you rolled up his short sleeve and winced at the sight of the cut. you glanced up at him through your lashes as if to get his confirmation that he’s ready. he gave you a small nod. continuing, you gently dabbed at the wound, cleaning away the excess blood. you unscrewed the lid to the ointment, fishing out a small glob of the white paste before dabbing it gently onto the cut. his bicep tensed.

“easy,” you hum gingerly. you took the bandage, wrapping the cloth around the gash before patting his shoulder carefully. “there you go. all better?”

ben smiles at you, “yeah, thank you.” there was a pause as he thought carefully of his next words. “you never told me your name.”

“(y/n).” you got up, discarding the bloodied rag. you washed your hands once more before returning to the basket on your counter.

“it’s nice to meet you. do you mind if i stay here? until the heat dies down, at least?” he asks, his fingers flexing slightly as he spoke. you pondered of his question thoughtfully, your gaze travelling to eye level to stare out the covered window in front of you. ‘it would be nice to have company in such a quiet home,’ you thought.

you turned your head, a smile on your lips, “of course not.”

as the distant sun began to settle beneath the western horizon, you thought about all the things ben had to you. he was talkative and possibly too excited about what he did for his own good. he told you that he was a part of the resistance. some part of you guessed that he was an important character in their ranks by the way he spoke and carried himself. you hadn’t been around many important officials of either side, but you assumed this is how they acted.

now here he was, asleep and relaxed on your couch. you caught yourself smiling at how adorable he looked. due to the heat that seeped into your home, little beads of sweat collected across his face, his black hair curled and stuck to his face.

despite the uncomfortable warmth during the day, the weather changed dramatically at night on your home planet and prompted you to bring a bunched up blanket to bens side. if he needed it, it was there. you stepped away, bidding him a soundless goodnight before padding to your room.

it felt like only moments ago when your head burrowed into your plush pillows and you body relaxed into the cool sheets. too soon had the valiant sun made its trek around the planet, for it’s golden rays began to trickle through the blinds and chase away the darkness the night brought.

yours eyes open tentatively, sleepy eyes taking in the same surroundings and ears straining to hear gentle morning rush of foot traffic. it was routine but you found comfort in the familiarity. you stayed still, contemplating whether or not to sleep in – the thought of a guest forgotten in the haze of your mind.

you stretched, your stiff muscles awakening and rushing with warmth accompanied by the simultaneous popping of your joints. you sighed contently and swung your legs over the side of your bed, pushing yourself off the kip. you moved out of your doorway and down the hall, where the delicious aroma of fresh produce and quiet swears emitted.

“’morning ben,” you spoke up when the sight of his broad back came into your view. startled, he whipped around and hit his knee on a corner, soliciting a ‘fuck’ under his breath. you stifled a giggle and moved towards him, snatching a ration.

he rubbed sheepishly at his knee, “good morning. you slept well?” you nod as you open the package. ben watched you carefully as you prepared your morning meal, his nose crinkling slightly. you looked up as you took a bite, your brows raised as you made eye contact. the rebel offered you a smile, “what else is there to do on this planet?”

“didn’t read up on your homework?” you ask after you swallow, clearly amused by his boredom. he gave you a lopsided smile, crossing his arms and shrugging.

“not exactly.”

“there’s not much, in all honesty. i often read, adventure, or do house chores. you can’t do one of the above so.. find what suits you,” you offer, taking another bite of your meal. “when do you return.. home?”

ben shrugs once again, glancing away and leaning against your countertop, “whenever the coast is clear, i guess. until then, you’re stuck with me.”

“fine by me,” you hum, finishing the rest of your mean quickly before discarding the packaging. “come on then ben, we have stuff to do.”

much to your surprise, ben was a rather fun and spontaneous addition to your daily life. you laughed often and did things out of your comfort zone. one night, he convinced you to stay up at night and climb the rooftops to stare at the constellations in the sky. he showed you new things and made you see the world in a bigger picture with all the stories he told. he mentioned his uncle luke and his friend rey, along with two droids. he often told you how he wanted to be a pilot instead of what he was now. you also noted how he didn’t answer your question about what he did - he was a revolutionist, yes, but he never told you what he specifically did for them. you decided it was best not to pry.

as the days passed and the threat of stormtroopers busting down your door in search of the spy became less and less apparent, your stomach began to turn at the reality you were facing. ben was going to leave. selfishly and unrealistically, you thought he’d stay and keep you company forever - his life as a rebel long forgotten. you knew he had to go home at some point and the thought of someone waiting for him made you uneasy.

were you in love or just comfortable with the idea of ben? your guess was as good as anyone elses.

“(y/n?)” bens soothing voice spoke up, his smile slightly faltering when he noticed your hesitancy to respond to his call. “it’s your turn.”

you managed to let out a little ‘oh’ and placed down a playing card, causing ben to groan and throw down his card in defeat.

“how are you so good at this?” he demands, beginning to collect all the cards and shuffle them together. he laughed to himself and looked up, his brows furrowing when you didn’t join in on the laughter. ben set down the cards down, forgetting them instantly at the sight of your glum features. “(y/n)? what is it?”

great maker, your heart strings tugged at the sound of his voice; soft and concerned. you offer him s ghostly smile, revealing the rest of your cards before putting them in the pile he assembled.

“why would you think something’s wrong?”

“because you always laugh or smile whenever i do, but you’re not now.” ben shuffles closer to you, his hand moving close to yours. your breath hitches in your throat as your caught in your small lie and you move your hand away. he practically whines quietly, “(y/n).”

you inhale slowly, already feeling that your stoic expression was failing you. the threat of tears became apparent as your eyes watered. you looked down at your hands, watching them wring each other as you thought about your next words.

“i don’t want you to go.”

ben is both relieved and crushed when he hears your revelation. he doesn’t want to admit it but he thought about it once or twice whilst with you; calling his mother on the little device he kept tucked away, telling her that he was safe and reaching happiness. it didn’t sound like a bad idea then and now, but he loathed the idea of putting you in harms way.

he was the son of general leia organa, a rebel, and on top of that, a jedi. if an officer of first order wouldn’t have come around, there was still the threat of bandits, and - despite his uncle’s beliefs - siths. he could keep you safe, yes, but what if it was a repeat of history? ben shivered at the thought.

“i have to,” he responds, sadly and truthfully. he dares to look up at the your disappointed look. he knows that you wanted him to say something different, but he couldn’t bring himself to. reason over feelings, he could hear his uncle mock the jedi code. ben’s band moves closer to yours and when you made no motion to move, his large hand engulfed yours.

some part of him wishes that he could just wave his hand and make you forget about him, but the other part of him knows he couldn’t live with leaving you in such vulnerability.

ben sighs, his thumb rubbing your hand. he almost jumps when a slow trill comes from his jacket pocket. he frowns and glancing at you, noticing the way your body quivered at the wave of emotions that crashed over you. begrudgingly he got up and moved towards it, fishing it out and receiving a holographic video of his mother.

“ben.. it’s time to come home.”

he doesn’t say anything but nods, shutting off the correspondence and placing it back where he found it. he stands still, his mind racing with thoughts. he turns back to you and his heart tugs to see your saddened state.

“that was her, wasn’t it?” you ask quietly, your hand coming up to wipe away the stray tears that fell from your eyes. he nods and opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. you snivel and wipe your nose with your sleeve, a sigh attempting to smooth your uneven breaths. “we knew this was coming.. might as well get it over with.”

ben didn’t like your tone, but he can’t help but agree.

“maybe you can come with me,” he offers, his eyes almost pleading you.

a small voice in your head tries to convince you, but you shake your head. bens posture seems to drop in defeat at your response.

“i can’t leave everything behind.”

he knows that there’s nothing for you here, but he doesn’t want to anger or upset you any further. he hates that he’s just accepting defeat.

“i understand.” he doesn’t, but he assumes it the best thing to say when you’re letting something go. ben turns and slips his jacket on over his shoulders, his hand smoothing out the ruffles. his chest rises as he sucks in an even breath.

he turns to you and opens his arms wide, which you rise from your position on the floor for. you slide in easily, his arms snaking around you and gently pulling you in tight. he doesn’t want to let go but he doesn’t want to make this any harder than it already seems to be.

ben pulls away slightly and gives you a gentle kiss on your temple, his lips lingering as he thought of ways to savor the moment. after a brief period, you unravel your arms from him and step away. he digs into another part of his jacket and gives you an old but working device. you take it with a puzzled look.

“it’s so you can reach me,” he answers your question shyly, his leg kicking out slightly as he avoided your gaze. “so we’re not entirely apart.”

your heart melts at the gesture and you can’t help but go in for another hug. he chuckles and returns the hug, adding a gentle sway this time. as you both pull away, you give each other sad and loving smiles.

in such a short time, you would’ve never guessed you would be attached to someone - then again, ben was charismatic and handsome, something you didn’t find often around you.

“goodb-”

“it’s not a goodbye,” you interrupted, your hands clasping together at the front of you. he appeared shocked at first, but then smiled as he understood what you were trying to say before you said it. “it’s a ‘see you soon.’”

he mutters something in agreement, then sighs contently.

“see you soon, (y/n). hopefully soon.” ben reluctantly moves out of your door with you following him.

“it better be soon. don’t leave me hanging out here to die of boredom,” you quip, playfully shoving his back as you lean at the doorframe. ben turns around with a lopsided grin on his face, his nose crinkling and his umber irises twinkling with the suns reflection. he licks his lips, his gaze glancing down at your lips before he moved forward with uncertainty.

you managed to smile, closing the small gap between you both and delivering a chaste kiss upon his lips. his grin only broadens and he comes closer to give you another longing kiss.

he wishes he did this before.

ben slowly pulls away, his eyes fluttering open to peer into yours. he wants to beg you to come with him once more, but he doesn’t.

he glances off into the distance and sighs. he turns to you, smiles, and bids you a weak ‘see you soon.’ ben pivots quickly and with long strides, he walks away.

you watch him, a smile growing on your lips. you knew deep down this wasn’t the last time you would be seeing him.

“see you soon, space prince.”

#ben solo imagine #ben solo x reader #star wars imagine #star wars x reader #ben solo drabble #star wars drabble #ben solo #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren imagine #poured my heart & soul into this #adam driver imagine #adam driver x reader #adam driver drabble #kylo ren drabble #sw imagine #star wars #kylo ren #adam driver

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puckinghell · 5 years

Text

To a T | Mikko Rantanen

Summary: The contract stuff brings your mind to a dark place, but Mikko knows just what to do to bring it back. Based on the song “To a T” by Ryan Hurd, would definitely recommend listening to it Words: 2k Note: It’s not really smut but it’s.... something? Steam maybe? So a warning for whatever it is.

MIKKO IS AN AV FOR SIX YEARS

Some days, it was like your brain just kinda shut off the lights. Suddenly, nothing was really fun anymore; you weren’t in the mood for your favorite food, didn’t wanna watch Netflix, or listen to music, didn’t really wanna talk to anyone or see anyone.

Well, maybe you wanted to see one person, but you weren’t going to bring him down with your bad mood.

Sometimes, there was a reason for your bad mood, and sometimes there wasn’t. Sometimes absolutely nothing had gone wrong, and sometimes everything had gone wrong. This time, it wasn’t so much things going wrong, as it was just one big cloud hanging over your head.

You and Mikko had only really been together for a few months - although you’d been friends before that, too - and it felt too soon to throw all your demons to him, let him see all your ghosts. If he knew, truly, how you could get sometimes, you weren’t quite so sure he’d wanna stay with you, and you were too selfish to give him up just yet. In just a few weeks, he’d brought you more happiness than you really had thought was possible to receive from someone, always making you laugh and smile and think about how lucky you were.

So, you didn’t tell him how much it bothered you that he was going home to Finland, and you were staying here. After all, it made sense; Finland was home, and he wasn’t signed to an NHL contract right now, and he needed to train. Of course he was going to Finland.

Of course you weren’t coming. You were just his girlfriend. You hadn’t been together for that long. It would be insane, for you to go with him.

The plan had been for him to take you out on a date - a goodbye date, if you will - but you felt like you could burst into tears at any given moment, especially if you saw him and looked him in the eye and thought about him leaving, so you texted him.

Sorry, but am not feeling well, can’t go out tonight.

Cancelling on him made you feel even worse, and a little guilty, too, because you weren’t telling him the whole truth – although you were technically not lying, either – and in order to get yourself at least out of this painful mindset enough to settle to sleep later, you took a long bubble bath. When you were done, you put on one of his t-shirts - if you couldn’t cuddle him, that was the next best thing – and went to the living room, your bare feet padding against the wooden floor.

“Hey, babe!”

A yelp escaped your lips at the sudden, unexpected sound of your boyfriend’s low voice. A soft chuckle followed, as the corners of Mikko’s lips curled up.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” He was sitting on your couch, a glass of red wine on the coffee table in front of him.

“I gave you that key for emergencies,” you brought out, once your heartbeat had finally calmed down. “What are you doing here?”

He shrugged. “You said you weren’t feeling great, so I figured we could stay in tonight instead. I know you said we could just no go, but I wanted to see you before...” He stopped himself from saying it, pulled his bottom lip into a pout.

A warm feeling engulfed your heart at his confession, at the same time it dropped in your stomach, because damn, he was really leaving. And he might want to see you before he went, but he wasn’t taking you with him.

The thought of not spending time with him before he left was almost painful, but you also didn’t think you were a good enough actress to keep up pleasant conversation all night, and besides, you knew he’d look straight through you anyway.

But how were you going to send him away without explaining, but also without hurting his feelings? What if he would never want to see you again, after that?

What if he never got signed and he stayed in Finland forever?

To your own annoyance, tears jumped to your eyes.

“Oh,” Mikko let out, jumping onto his feet. “What’s wrong, did I do something wrong? I’m sorry, did you not want me to come?” The confusion on his face was mixed with insecurity and you couldn’t stand the idea of him leaving, now, so you just shook your head and stepped towards him. He got the hint and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his warm chest, his chin resting on the top of your head.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he whispered, and damn it, he was so perfect, but the thing was, you couldn’t. Anything you said would just make him feel like he was the reason for your sadness - and he was, but it wasn’t his fault either, so you couldn’t let him take the blame.

Instead of explaining this all to him, you just cried harder.

“Okay,” he said immediately, “you don’t have to say anything, don’t worry, baby.”

You stood there, for who knows how long, his fingers slowly drawing circles on your back until your breathing evened out.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, wiping your eyes. Mikko took your face in his hands, his eyebrows knotted together in a frown. You’d never seen him so upset; your boyfriend was almost always smiling, always looking on the bright side of things.

“Don’t apologize,” he told you sternly. “Tell me what you need me to do.”

But you didn’t really know that either - except that you needed him to stay, and you weren’t really in a position to ask that of him - and when he caught the distress in your eyes, he simply took your hand in his. “Never mind. Let’s just get into bed and cuddle and watch Princess Diaries, yeah?” Of course he would know what movie you always watched when you felt sad. You were pretty sure you’d only mentioned that once, in passing, but he was stupidly good at remembering little things about you.

He pointed to the glass of wine on the table. “You want that?”

And fuck, yes, you did want that, and you deserved it, too, so you nodded and took the glass from him as he led you to the bedroom. He settled against the headboard of your bed, pulling you against his chest as you crawled in between his legs. Instantly his arms wrapped around you, and a feeling of warmth crept through your veins.

It just reminded you of how much you didn’t want him to leave; you’d never been able to combat the darkness in your mind, usually just laid in bed and stared at the ceiling in a dark room until sleep finally took over, but now it was like you felt someone tugging at the curtains, allowing a tiny strip of light to flow into your head.

“Mik?” you mumbled, and the only sign that he heard you was that you felt the vibrations of an affirmative hum against the top of your head. “Will you stay tonight?”

“I’ll stay as long as you want me to,” he told you, and though you knew that was impossible – for example, his plane left tomorrow at 11am – he said it with nothing but honest truth in his voice, and you knew at that moment, staying with you was his most important priority.

The realization was nearly enough to bring you to tears again.

You sipped your wine and watched the movie for what simultaneously felt like hours and minutes, when suddenly you felt Mikko’s lips on the side of your neck, featherlight and soft like silk. You let him, for a second, closing your eyes and enjoying the familiar feeling, but then you hummed.

“What are you doing?”

“Trust me?” he asked, instead of answering you, and you did, so you didn’t push it.

His lips made their way from your neck to your jaw, then suddenly he slipped out from under you; you fell back into the pillows as he hovered over you, kissing your chest.

“Mikko.”

He looked up, then, with his big ocean blue eyes and a small smile on his face. “I know what you need tonight,” he proclaimed, his hands grabbing your hips, fingers digging into your skin. “Leave it to me, yeah?”

You felt your cheeks heat up; maybe an orgasm would do you good, get you out of your own head for a bit, but also, it wasn’t his duty to make you feel better, and what if he didn’t like that he needed to take care of you like that? What if it would scare him away, that you could be so much, well, work?

“Don’t overthink,” he whispered, lowering his lips to yours. You allowed him to deepen the kiss, his tongue slowly circling in your mouth; tauntingly slow, sending warmth down to your stomach. When he pulled away, a whimper fell from your lips, and he laughed. “Just lay back.” You did as he asked, and he started making his way down your body, pressing featherlight kisses over the swell of your breasts, then your stomach, stopping right before he reached the waistband of your underwear.

You huffed in annoyance, not in the mood for teasing, and he giggled.

“Relax.”

Easy for you to say, was what you wanted to snap at him, but then his teeth grazed your thigh and you decided that for once in your life, you’d just shut up. You allowed your eyes to flutter closed, which earned you a soft smile from Mikko, although you couldn’t see that.

“I like when you close your eyes,” he whispered against the skin of your thigh, “means I’m doing something right.”

Then, suddenly, the warmth was gone and your eyes shot open, confusion written clear over your face. He simply laughed and pried the glass of wine out of your hands.

“White sheets, red wine, not a great combination.”

It was stupidly responsible of him to think of that; it hadn’t crossed your mind even for a second. Normally, he wasn’t that aware of household chores, either, and the look on your face must’ve betrayed your surprise, cause he snorted.

“I know I’m not good at laundry, but I’m not stupid, you know.”

You thought about the time he’d put one of his jerseys – one of his red jerseys! – into the washer with a bunch of your white clothes, which all came out pink the next day, but decided not to bring that up, as his hands had moved to your hips again.

“I like when you wear my shirts,” he hummed, kissing your stomach once more. He was taking his sweet time, pressing kisses into your skin, sucking softly, then kisses again, and you threw your head back against the headboard with an impatient puff of air.

“Mikko!”

Another giggle. “Okay, okay,” he shushed, and finally, he worked your panties down your legs, finally getting to where you needed him the most.

“I got you,” he said softly, and God, did he ever.

He took his time with you, there, too, dotting all the i’s and driving you absolutely crazy when he stopped before you got to the edge, every time. Finally, his tongue picked up speed, two fingers curling inside you, and you came as a waterfall of hushed curse words, entangled with his name, fell from your lips.

He climbed back up after letting you ride out your orgasm, a content look on his face as his arms snuck around your waist and pressed you to his chest. You could feel him hard against your thigh, but when you tried to reach, he pinned your wrist.

“Was about you,” he mumbled, shaking his head.

“But…” you pouted, and once again, uncertainty took residence in the pit of your stomach. You never let him do all the work, never left him hanging, and you didn’t want him to think you were a selfish lover, or just not worth the effort. “I want it to be fun for you, too.”

He laughed at that, hot air against your hair as he’d buried his nose in there. “Are you kidding?” he asked. “It was amazing. Have you seen yourself in my T-shirt? Most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. And, well, I wanted to make you feel good.” You felt, more than saw, him shrug, as if it was the most normal thing to say.

You turned your head, pressing your nose against his. His blue eyes were staring into yours intently, as if he was searching for something. “Feel good?” he asked, finally, and you smiled.

“Understatement, but, yeah.”

Mikko’s voice was soft when he spoke again.

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m leaving you behind.”

He must’ve noticed the way your body froze, because he tightened his grip on you.

“I know why you’re upset, you know. You don’t have to tell me. But I promise you, I don’t mean to leave you. I hate leaving you. I just, I know you can’t leave work, and I... I can’t train here. But it’s just for a few weeks, at most.”

Tears were welling up in your eyes again, and your hands made their way to his arms, wrapped around you, clawed at them as you tried to keep yourself together.

“I’m scared,” you admitted to him, finally saying it out loud, “scared that you won’t be coming back. Or that you’ll forget about me.”

Mikko scoffed, behind you, and you could almost hear the indignant look on his voice when he spoke.

“That’s never gonna happen. If I don’t get a contract, I’ll have to kidnap you and bring you to Finland.” He paused, his voice softening. “I know you’re scared, but I need you to trust me on this. It’s just for a little while. I love you now, and when I come back, I’ll still love you.”

Your heart fluttered; he’d said those words before but they still managed to make you feel weak.

“I love you too,” you whispered. “You always know just what I need to hear.”

A smug smile tugged at his lips. “I got you figured out pretty good, huh?” he said with a grin. “Got you down to a T.”

You couldn’t help but laugh; you would’ve never expected an expression like that to come out of Mikko’s mouth, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he was just parroting what he’d heard Gabe or Tyson say, but you couldn’t say that he was wrong, per se.

He did have you down. Down to a T-shirt, white sheets, red wine, and a string of light through the curtains in your brain. And you knew no matter what happened, it would end up being okay.

#mikko rantanen #colorado avalanche #mikko rantanen imagine #mikko rantanen one shot #nhl fic #nhl one shot #nhl imagine

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captainillogical · 5 years

Text

Devil’s Ballroom Ch.7

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants

ya’ll im sorry lmao

You spend the rest of your evening doing exactly none of the errands that you needed to deal with today. Instead, you're laying on your couch and texting your friends.

Y/N: I'm so tornnnn.

Y/N: Do I say something about the cheek smooch?

Y/N: Should I leave it be?

Y/N: Because she's texting like nothing happened.

Y/N: What if I'm reading too much into it??

Y/N: What if that's just how she shows friendship affection???

Y/N: I might make it so fucking awkward if I assume something!

Y/N: This entire ordeal is mortifying!!!

Y/N: I want nothing more than to dig a big hole and lie in it forever.

Y/N: I might be low-key having a panic attack about this rn but what's new.

Harper: Y/N. chill. you're way overreacting to this.

Harper: even if it meant nothing, she still likes you as a friend right?

Harper: i think it would take a lot for her to like.. not wanna stay friends lol.

Alex: im just saying you could probably kiss her and she'd be ok with it

Alex: cheek kisses are pretty forward

Harper: don't listen to him. all of his relationships ended in failure.

Alex: wow

Alex: im seriously hurt

Harper: am I wrong?

Alex: no..

Harper: my point exactly.

Harper: i’m not saying you have nothing to lose or anything.

Harper: because i myself had to tread very carefully with leah..

Harper: but i think you should just see where it goes and not like

Harper: put too much emphasis on this incase it was nothing.

Y/N: Yeah see now you have me worried it WAS nothing!!

Alex: oh my goooooooddddddddddddddd

Alex: the both of you approach women so.. pathetically

Alex: take a risk

Alex: live a little

Alex: what is seriously the worst that could happen

Alex: she kills you??

Alex: lmao

Alex: its funny cuz of.. you know

Harper: i can’t wait to be home and smothering him with a pillow instead of affection.

Y/N: You and me both.

Y/N: Try being the only one available to play games with him.

Alex: both of you fucking love me okay

Alex: alsooooooo i get to be home the day after tomorrow

Alex: the alex is back, babieeeeee

Y/N: Harper please come home I’m BEGGING you.

Harper: sorry you gotta deal with him alone for another month lmao.

Y/N: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Alex: can i get a fucking crumb of love here please

You swipe over to the couple of messages Spinel has left you in the past couple of minutes while you were talking to your friends.

Spinel: It’s another stupid ball, I just found out.

Spinel: I told her that I’m sitting this one out this time.

Spinel: She has so many others that would absolutely love to help her, and yet, still absolutely insists that I must be there.

Spinel: I don’t want to go back to homeworld right now, and not for this.

Y/N: And you put your foot down? Hell yeah, dude.

Y/N: Planning a ball for a bunch of gems sounds like a chore anyway.

Spinel: oh, it is, believe me.

Spinel: And they need everything to be PERFECT.

Spinel: Which isn’t realistic anymore now that they don’t expect any of the gems to stay in line with their gem class nowadays.

Spinel: The last ball they threw almost 4 months ago was utterly chaotic.

Y/N: For thousands of years y'all as a race never pushed to deviate from the norm, and now that you guys are allowed to? I’d go batshit with it too.

Y/N: Being stifled in everyday life, and finally you’re free?

Y/N: Fuck, I’d go around fusing with anyone!

Spinel: That is precisely what too many of them did.

Y/N: Lmao. I wish I could’ve seen that.

You tab back over to your group chat for a moment to see what they’re talking about.

Harper: see? they’re everywhere.

Harper: i wasn’t expecting the campsite to have so many.

Alex: you could have built an army and instead you took pictures

Alex: do you know how easy it is to lure chipmunks?

Alex: oh that lil guy on the bottom right is so fucking chunky i love him

Harper: that’s the one that got the closest when i fed them. :3

Alex: oh i fuckin BET

Alex: you dont get that chubby in the wild without takin a few risks

Alex: if u know what i mean ;)

Harper: i hate whatever you just implied.

Y/N: It’s not a conversation with Alex unless you roll your eyes at least 3 times.

Alex: hey i thought it was 4 times

Alex: dont insult me

Alex: anyway, y/n

Alex: are you workin the day i come back

Y/N: Yeah I’m actually scheduled a double.

Alex: scheduled

Y/N: Yes.

Alex: a double

Y/N: Yes.

Alex: he can’t SCHEDULE you a DOUBLE

Y/N: He can if he asks me ahead of time as a favor.

Alex: that fuckin bastard

Alex: always ruining my plans

Harper: you’re still mad at him for firing you last summer, huh.

Alex: OF COURSE I AM

Y/N: Bro you stole like $300 of cotton candy sugar that summer.

Y/N: It’s only fair.

Y/N: Besides, I’m only doing this because he said he’d give me a long weekend for it.

Alex: kay well

Alex: i guess i’ll just go bug you at work and wait for you to get off that day :'(

Y/N: Get me written up again, I swear to god.

Your phone chimes several times, and you swipe down to see messages from both Spinel and Steven. You check Spinel's first.

Spinel: Do me a favor and ignore any messages Steven has sent you.

Y/N: What are you, my boss?

Spinel: I MEAN IT

You quickly switch over to Steven's texts.

Steven: I was going to ask you if your date with Spinel went okay, but I'm assuming it went fine considering she hasn't really stopped talking about you.

Ohhhh my god, this is wild. You reply to him.

Y/N: It wasn't a date as far as I know.

Y/N: I had fun.

Y/N: She's telling me to not read your messages, lmao.

Y/N: Also what do you mean she hasn't stopped talking about me??

Steven: She’s been lying on my floor for the last hour basically gushing about you.

Steven: But you didn’t hear that from me!

Steven: :D

Y/N: Haha thanks, kid.

You switch back over to text Spinel, and get up off the couch to make yourself some tea. Pulling out your kettle, you turn the stove on and grab some raspberry flavored abomination tea bag that your dad loves more than any of the other good tea flavors.

Y/N: Sooooo.

Spinel: You talked to him, didn’t you.

Y/N: Hahaha noooo. :)

Spinel: The fuck did he say?

Y/N: Absolutely nothing.

Spinel: Seriously? I was sure he’d reveal something embarrassing.

Y/N: Nope! You should probably get off his floor eventually, though.

Your kettle goes off and you grab a clean mug, and pour the boiling water into it along with the tea packet. You look down at your phone, and grin.

Spinel: goddammit.

You let the bag steep for a little bit, and add in a small amount of sugar. Walking up to your bedroom you take a snap of Jellybean half lounging, half falling off the stairs and send it to Spinel. She replies with a couple heart emojis, and you wonder if Steven was the one to show her the proper use of them. You set your cup of tea down on your desk, and turn your computer on. It’s evening now, and it’s much too late to do anything left with the rest of your day productivity-wise, so you settle in on playing more minecraft. Your thoughts wander quite a bit, and you find yourself stuck on thinking about Spinel. Naturally. You wonder about a lot of things she’s learned while staying on earth, from things like - does she pay rent? Does she have a job? Does she know what taxes are? Does she know what a relationship with a human looks like? She said she watched a movie, but didn’t exactly elaborate. You don’t know what human-norms she’s been exposed to. You can’t even concentrate enough to mine any of this redstone for Alex, and you nearly die in-game when the thought of ‘does she know what sex is?’ pops into your mind. You grab your phone and shoot Spinel another message.

Y/N: Quick question.

Y/N: If you don’t mind me asking.

It takes her a few minutes to reply.

Spinel: Sure?

Y/N: Do you know how humans are made?

Spinel: w

Spinel: Yes?

Spinel: Steven told me about it a few weeks ago actually.

Spinel: Why are you asking?

Y/N: No reason! Just curious is all.

Spinel: Hm.

Yeah you’re not too confident that she actually knows, and you’re too chickenshit to elaborate right now. You’ll enlighten her later. You spend the rest of the night browsing memes on your phone, and texting your friends and Spinel on occasion. Before you know it, your eyes drift close with your phone in hand.

You wake up when your alarm goes off for your morning shift, and curse at yourself for not charging it last night. It’s at a solid 32%, which isn’t really enough to go about your day, but you’ll have to make do. You get ready for a hopefully not shitty day, lock up the house, and head in to work.

It’s a complete shitshow when you come in, and you turn your phone off to save battery and concentrate on dealing with more than an average amount of tourists. You find Mr. Smiley sleeping in the breakroom/office/supply closet, and have half a mind to lock him in there from the outside for the rest of your shift. It’s pretty busy, and messy, and it isn’t until you’re there for several exhausting hours that you finally have enough time for a break. You turn your phone on, and instantly you’re flooded with messages from several different people. Ugh.

A couple from your dad - just checking in, really. Group chat too as usual, but none of it seems overly important. One from Spinel, and several from Steven. You open up Spinel’s message first.

Spinel: Do you think we could talk about a couple of things later?

Vague, and a little concerning. You text back an apology for getting back to her so late, and open the messages from Steven.

Steven: Hey are you busy?

Steven: I’m dealing with a bit of a situation right now, and could use your help.

Steven: Spinel locked herself in my bathroom, and she won’t come out.

Steven: She refuses to answer to anyone, and several of us have tried.

Steven: I’m just really worried about her, and you guys seemed to bond, so I was hoping..

Steven: That maybe you could come over?

Steven: Thanks regardless.

You check the timestamp, and that was over an hour ago. Jesus christ.

Y/N: Steven I’m so sorry, my phone was off and I’m at work, give me a few and I’ll be right over, okay?

Y/N: I’ll be quick.

He replies almost immediately with a “please” and you pocket your phone. You try not to worry too hard about Spinel as you rush over to grab your things, and knock on Mr. Smiley’s office/broom closet door. He opens it groggily, clearly just waking up.

“Yeah?” he slowly blinks at you.

“I gotta leave early. Emergency.” You stare at him, trying to not be pissed at his lack of work ethic.

“Are you for real? You’ve got another 3 hours left.” He says and crosses his arms, and you glare at him.

“I’ve been working my ass off while you’ve been sleeping this whole time, AND I’m covering your ass tomorrow so you can go meet your old friend! So the LEAST you can do is let me go early when I have an emergency!!!” You almost yell out at him, and he holds his hands up in defense.

“Okay, okay! Fine. Only because you’re a good worker.” He says, and has the gall to look at least a little ashamed of himself.

“Damn right I am.” You spin around and head out of the building, practically running.

You almost trip and bite it several times on the way over to Steven’s place, but you’re more worried about Spinel. You’ve only been to his place twice, but once you’re there you run up the stairs and open the door without knocking. You’re greeted by the only two people in the living room, Pearl, and Steven.

“Oh, she’s here!” Pearl says and nudges Steven, who looks up from typing on his phone.

“Y/N! Thank god you’re here.” He says with furrowed eyebrows.

“What happened?” You say and shut the door, and cross the room over to him.

“I’m not sure! We were just working on something together for Amethyst, and she got a call from Blue and Yellow. She’s been ignoring them lately, and they’ve been bothering me in turn because of that, so I asked her to take the call just see what they want.” He runs his hand through his brown curls, and just for a moment, you see that 12 year old him in again. The obvious stress masks just how young he really is, and you feel bad that he can’t live life like a normal kid. “She went outside to take the call, and was out there for quite a while. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I did hear some yelling. And just when I was going over to make sure they were alright, she comes back in tears, eyes spiraling like months ago, and nearly knocks Pearl over rushing into the bathroom.”

“And nothing since?” You inquire, fidgeting with your hands.

“No,” He says, frustratedly. “I’ve been trying to reach the diamonds to see what this is all about, but I’ve only been getting the pearls. I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t been like this in months. What were they talking about to make her this upset?”

“Maybe I can find out. You said she’s in your bathroom?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, the one right over here.” He says and points to it.

“Is it locked?” You ask.

“No,” Pearl glances towards the bathroom door and crosses her arms. “The lock has been broken on it for a while, since Peridot joined us actually. Both Garnet and I tried opening it, but I think once Spinel hears someone trying to come in she blocks the door.”

Hm.

“I’m gonna try something, but you guys are gonna wanna stay away.” You say to the two of them. “I don’t want to overwhelm her with more than one person.”

“Let us know if we can do anything?” Steven makes to pass by you and gives your arm a light squeeze. “And thanks for coming to help.”

“Anytime, dude.” You give him a half smile, and walk over to his bathroom. You turn to take a look back at the other two, and they’re already in the kitchen discussing something in soft tones. You move to knock at the door, make two light taps against the frame, and wait for an answer.

A couple seconds pass, and nothing. Not even any movement. Nervously, you knock again, a little louder this time, and wait for a good ten seconds.

Still nothing.

You take a deep breath, reach out to grab the door handle, and very slowly and quietly open the bathroom door. You see nothing but absolute darkness, and step in. You feel around the wall to your right and flip a switch just as you close the door behind you with an audible click. The room instantly floods with the dark red light of the heat lamp, and before you can even think about finding another light source, you find yourself slammed up against the wall and let out a surprised yelp. You open your eyes to see Spinel’s face inches from yours, pupils wild, her hands splayed against your shoulders.

“U-um,” Your voice cracks a little. “Hey.”

You watch her eyes take a second to find yours, and almost instantly, she lets you go, arms trembling.

“W.. what are YOU DOING HERE!?” She cries, large tears pouring down her face, eyebrows raised in confusion, mouth trembling. Her hair is in loose pigtails, strands untamed around her face, cheeks stained with tear tracks. She looks like a mess, and your heart breaks, just a little. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt y-”

“I’m fine.” You cut her off. “I should have said who it was outside the door, I’m sorry. And um.. Steven texted me while I was at work, and told me what was going on so I rushed over..” You trail off as you watch Spinel’s entire body shake, and she covers her face with both of her hands.

“I can’t believe I just did that.” You hear her wavering voice, muffled behind her fists, and she lets out a choked sob. “Maybe they were right. M-maybe I’m not meant to-” She quickly moves her hands down to look at the floor with wide, vulnerable eyes, and struggles to form the rest of her words. You hear her breathing pick up pace, and you’re starting to realize she’s hyperventilating.

“Spinel, look at me.” Her eyes shoot up to yours, lips trembling. “I need you to breathe.” You do what your friends have always done with you, and gently grab both of her hands and hold them with yours, thumbs stroking her palms in slow circles. She freezes up instantly, and you’re about to panic, because while a familiar touch helps ground you, you register that maybe it’ll make it worse for her. But before you can pull your hands away, her hands relax ever so slightly, and she lets out a shaky breath. “Good. Just like that.” You motion for her to follow your breathing inverals, and she copies you, hands still shaking in yours.

It’s been a while since you’ve had to deal with something like this, but you’re thankful for having similar life experiences. After a solid minute or two of this her breathing is back to a normal pace, but she’s still crying, and now not meeting your eyes. Almost like she’s avoiding them.

“Look, I.. I don’t know what happened with you and the diamonds, but you can talk to me about it if you’d like. No pressure, though.” You give her hands a small squeeze, and she whimpers, looking up to meet your gaze. Tears are still actively streaming down her face, and you have no idea how to make any of this better. It physically hurts you to see her like this.

“C-can I not talk about it? I don’t think I’m ready..” She pulls a hand from yours, and wipes at her face. She just kind of smeared half of her face with wetness, and she looks miserable.

“You don’t have to talk about anything, Spinel.” You look at her, making sure she sees it in your eyes. You slowly let go of her other hand, and hold your arms out in a silent question instead. Her mouth opens slightly, the red glow of the light around her making her look extremely vulnerable and soft, and she looks at your open arms with a blank face for a moment before understanding. Almost instantaneously, she throws herself against you and wraps her arms around your shoulders, shoving her face into the cradle of your neck. You envelop your arms around her tightly, giving her sides a squeeze, and you feel her start to shake again.

She lets out an unsteady sigh, and hiccups out another small sob. You pull her to lean fully against you as you stand there, bracing your back against the bathroom door. She lets you maneuver her, and you rest the side of your face against her temple while she cries. You resign yourself to letting her cry on you until she’s done, if she needs to.

You feel her sniffle against your neck, and try not to mind that she’s getting your shirt soaked. You give her back a few gentle rubs, feeling her body quiver against yours as she’s trying to control her choked breathing. You’re not really counting the minutes, as right now you’re currently having way too many rampant thoughts about what the fuck the diamonds could’ve said to her. You’re mad as hell, honestly, and if you could say shit to them, you would in a heartbeat. You don’t want to make anything worse for her though, as much as you want to steal her phone and video call them to curse them out. It takes a few more minutes, but eventually her crying dies down, and you feel her breathing even out. Slowly, she dislodges her arms from twisting around you two, and you feel a sigh, her breath hot against your neck. You do your best to school your facial expression as you’re realize just how close you are to her, and she pulls her face from its resting position to look at you. She looks awful.

“U-um,” She lifts up her hand to attempt to wipe her face, failing to rub half the tears away. “I don’t really want to go out there yet..”

“You don’t have to.” You say, quietly. “I can leave if you’d like some quiet to yourself.” Her face looks panicked for a second, and she grabs your wrist.

“Please don’t leave me.” She says, voice wavering again. You try not to let your heart shatter at her tone.

“I won’t if you want me here.” You say, and sigh softly. “Here, hold on a second.”

She lets your wrist go as you move slightly over to the sink, turn the hot water on, and grab a clean hand towel from the counter. You soak it in water, and squeeze out all the excess. Towel in hand, you turn back to her, and she’s looking at you cautiously. You lift the towel slightly, motioning to her face.

“May I?” You ask, and she nods slightly.

Tenderly, you brush a couple strands of hair away from her face, grasp her chin with your left hand and pull her forward, gently pressing the towel to her cheek. She closes her eyes, and her shoulders sag a little as she lets you dab at her face, cleaning her of any tear stain marks. She sighs into your touch, and it strikes you that it would be so easy to just.. lean in and kiss her.

Your brain almost short circuits and you snap your thoughts back to reality. There’s a time and place for everything. This is not the time, nor the place.

Once you’re satisfied that she looks a lot better than before, you pull your hands away to toss the rag in the sink, and Spinel, for a brief moment, looks disappointed that you had stopped. Which.. kind of gives you an idea.

“Can I try something? Harper used to do this thing with me when I.. had similar breakdowns.” You ask her. She raises her eyebrow in response, clearly exhausted from crying so much. “Here.” You say, and take her hand and lead her over to the rim of the bathtub. You sit down on the edge, and motion for her to sit in front of you on the floor. She takes a seat in front of you, still confused, but obeys nonetheless. “Can I touch you?” You ask her, watching her face to make sure she’s alright.

She looks up at you, the red light in the room flooding the entirety of her face, making her hair darker, and the whites of her eyes a bit more dramatic.

“Yeah.” She says in reply, voice tired.

You reach out to her hair, and stop for a moment.

“Can I have you face the other direction, actually? Come over here.” You move to open your knees, making enough room for Spinel to turn around and lean against the bathtub. She’s close to you again.

“What are you..” She trails off as you start to take the hair ties out of her pigtails, one after the other. It takes a second, as it’s a bit tangled, but you manage to get both out, and let her hair fall down. You comb out her hair with your fingers, gently, and she sighs audibly while leaning into your touch. You run your short nails along her scalp, scratching and massaging as you smooth out her hair, attempting to pull all the tangles out.

“Touch used to calm me down, and Harper was really good at it, honestly.” You say while pulling out a particularly difficult tangle without hurting her. Her hair is long like this, and you like it. You wish you could grow your hair this long, but it’s kind of a pain to deal with, and the longest you’ve ever had yours wasn’t even to your mid back, you think to yourself. “Sometimes she’d give me shoulder and neck massages, but I preferred that she’d just play with my hair. There’s just something different about another person touching your hair.”

“I kind of get what you mean.” She says, tiredly.

“Can I braid your hair?” You lean closer to look at her face.

“Do what you want.” She says, looking fairly relaxed.

“Cool. Anyway, while Harper was good at that, Alex, on the other hand, was just terrible at any kind of physical comfort. He’s genuine, and he tries, but he’s an idiot. He’s a lot better at distractions, for the most part.” You run your fingers through her hair one more time, before starting to separate her hair into three parts for a french braid. “He’s funny, and comes from a large family, so he always has stories and jokes. Whenever I’d have a panic attack, those two were always so good about being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”

You notice that Spinel‘s shoulders have lost most of the tension in them, and you’re secretly relieved. You keep talking to fill the quietness around you two, because you’ve always hated the quiet during moments like these. Your friends aren’t here, so it’s up to you to make up for it.

“It was kind of hard, at first though,” You say, and start looping the chunks of hair around your fingers, starting at the top of her head. “Because for a while there, back when I was 16 and dealing with the worst of my abandonment issues, I clung onto Harper like a baby koala. I had this super weird crush on her even though we had been friends since we were practically babies. I think I idolized her because she was just.. good to me.” You accidentally tug a little too hard on a strand of hair, wince and utter an apology while massaging the spot on her scalp. “I’m glad that didn’t ruin our friendship, but for a while there I really pushed my feelings onto her, which was kinda fucked up on my part.”

“Hm..” Spinel mumbles. “I kind of had a thing for Pink, I think. Which ended up screwing with me even more after what she did.” You stare at the back of her head and pause your hands for a second. Huh. Yeah, you had a hunch.

“If she were still alive, I’d punch her in the face for you, I hope you know.” You state, in full seriousness. This gets the first chuckle that you’ve heard from her today, and you’re secretly overjoyed.

“I’d pay to watch that.” She says, and you laugh out loud. You see her smile, just barely.

“So,” You continue, with both your hands and conversation. “A week or so after my 17th birthday, right after Harper talked to me about this guy at school that she liked, I confess to her. And not like a, ‘oh hey, you’re my best friend and I really like you’ kind of way, either. It was more like a, ‘have a mental breakdown over your best friend liking someone else and make them feel like shit about it on your walk home from school’ kind of confession.” Your hands reach the nape of her neck now, braid mostly done on her head, but you’ve got around another 20 inches of length before being finished.

“Harper avoided me for nearly a week after that. I was absolutely pathetic, and inconsolable. Alex was fed up with my shit after a few days, and nearly slapped me over it. He would’ve been in the right, doing so, honestly. I was a selfish asshole who only thought about her own feelings, and not about her best friends.” Your eyes drift to Spinel’s face, and her eyes are closed, eyebrows unfurrowed.

“Anyway,” You’re nearly done with the entire braid now. “She did end up forgiving me. Thankfully. I don’t know what I’d do if it were my fault that I’d split up our friend group.” You pick up the discarded hair tie from earlier, and tie it around the end of the braid.

“I’m all done, by the way.” You say to her. She opens her eyes tentatively, and she looks sleepy. You stand up, and stretch your back. She also gets up on wobbly legs, and turns to look at you.

“Um.” She’s avoiding your eyes. “Thank you. For this.” She’s twisting her hands together, nervously. You lean your face closer to get at eye-level with her.

“Anytime.. and for the record, you look really cute in a braid.” You say and smile, giving her a cheeky wink. You watch her entire face from the neck up turn bright red, and think that you could probably do this forever, and never get tired. She gives you a noncommittal grunt, halfheartedly smacks your arm and you grin at her.

You hear a quiet knock at the door, and look over to Spinel. She shrugs, so I guess it’s okay now.

“You can come in!” You say to the door. It opens slowly, and you see Steven peek his head in.

“Um.. are we okay?” He asks, clearly very worried about her.

“I’ll be okay.” She says, and you think that maybe she should lay down and sleep. You verbalize this immediately.

“Spinel. I think you should go take a nap.” You look at her, and she blinks at you. “I’m serious.”

“She’s kind of right.” Steven says in agreement with you. Spinel gives the both of you a shrug, and even that seems like it’s taking a lot out of her.

“Okay.” She says, and turns to walk out of the bathroom. Steven opens the door wider, and you can see Pearl in the kitchen leaning against the counter, trying to not seem like she’s intently watching all of you.

Spinel makes her way over to the couch and takes a seat, sitting up rigidly. You walk over to her to make sure she’s okay before you leave for home.

“You know you can text me, right? And if you need me, I’ll be available. I’ll leave my volume turned on.” She gives you a nod. “Oh, and.. take this,” You say, and pull off the pullover hoodie you’re wearing right now, and hand it over to her. “Alex used to let me wear his oversized sweaters, and they used to help me sleep, so..”

She tentatively reaches out, and takes it from your hands.

“Thanks.” She says, and gives you a small smile. With her hair pulled back like this she almost looks human, for a fleeting moment. You sometimes forget she’s a gem. You return the smile back at her, and turn around to leave.

After grabbing your bag that you set down earlier from beside the couch, you head over to the front door and open it. Shouldering the bag, you start to shut the door and see Steven behind you. He closes the door behind him, his face searching yours for something you don’t quite know.

“I don’t know what you did, but thank you.” He says, completely genuine.

“You don’t have to thank me. I’d do it for you, too, you know.” You say to him, and he smiles.

“That’s why I like you, Y/N. You’re sweet.”

“Yeahhhh, don’t tell anyone, though. You’ll ruin my reputation.” You smirk, giving him the side-eye. He laughs and pats your back.

“Ohhhhhh no! Whatever will you do!?” He rolls his eyes in jest. “Get home safe, okay?”

“No promises.” You reply, and jump down his steps, two at a time.

It doesn’t take you long to get home, and you’re pretty tired yourself. You make yourself busy by preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen a little, and calling your dad for another check-in. Before you know it, it’s nearly 11, and you need to sleep for your double shift tomorrow that you almost forgot about. You’re laying in bed browsing social media before drifting off, and you receive a text from Spinel. You swipe down and open the message.

Spinel: Thanks again for today.

Spinel: I baked some new cookies with Steven, and would like to give you some tomorrow if that’s okay?

You smile to yourself. Ughhhhhhhh, you’re catching the feelings disease, and you swat the air around you like it somehow physically manifested around you.

Y/N: I work literally all day, but feel free to stop by and give them to me.

Y/N: Then I get to see a pretty familiar face to break up all the lame tourists.

Y/N: Cuz that sounds super nice. ;)

Spinel: I’ll see you tomorrow, then.

She didn’t react to your obvious teasing, but you won’t let that discourage you. You fall asleep thinking of the many different ways you can poke fun at her, and this time, you charge your phone.

You wake up the next morning feeling well-rested for once, and get ready for work. Alex has sent you a couple texts about when his flight will arrive, and when he’ll roughly come to meet you. Sometime around 4pm, apparently. You shoot Spinel a good morning text, and she replies almost instantly with the same, which makes you smile.

You head to work, texting your group chat about what happened yesterday with Spinel, and give them basically all the details. Alex makes fun of you for a bit, so you curse him out and pocket your phone as you clock in. Today’s going to suck, but you’ve got a few things to look forward to.

You make it a couple hours into your shift before you finally get a break, and Spinel texts you that she’ll drop by sometime in the afternoon once she’s done helping Bismuth with something. God you hope it’s not when Alex gets here, because you are so not fucking ready for that interaction. You eat your lunch and pray to any god out there that you could have one more day of peace.

You’re outside the main building repairing a couple parts on the carousel, ignoring the bulk of the tourists to focus on work. You don’t realize that quite a while has passed by, because someone walks up to you as you’ve got your head in a small door, and kicks you slightly on your ass. You jolt and bump your head against the opening, and you hear Alex burst out into laughter as you groan in pain.

God fucking dammit, this guy. You pull your head out to glare at him, screwdriver pointing at him threateningly.

“Do you want this up your ass? Because I can do that.” You say to him, and he laughs even harder. You roll your eyes at him.

“Don’t promise me with a good time, Y/N.” He says, and you stand up to smack him.

“I don’t think the pointy end would be a good time, idiot.” You deadpan stare at him. He grins.

“You don’t know what I’m into.” He shrugs, and flips his hair dramatically. You hate that he’s stupid and charming, and you love him so much.

“I know I haven’t seen you in 2 months, but like, I feel like you’ve grown taller?” You stare at him, a little mournfully. You’re the shortest one out of your friends, and you’re of average height. He also seems.. handsomer. You think he definitely got a lot more tan. He’s definitely grown into his looks, his dark curly hair and recently shaved face making him look older than you’re used to.

“I don’t think I did, but I think you’ve grown shorter.” He laughs obnoxiously, and you smack his arm again, which makes him laugh harder.

“You’re so mean to me, like all the time. Why do I love you?” You cross your arms and pout, because you know it gets a rise out of him.

“Youuuuuuu knowww, because I’m just so loveable and gorgeous and the smartest one in the group??” He flutters his eyelashes at you like he thinks he’s cute.

“Wow, you are none of these things.” You reply, smirking at him. He puts his hand over his heart in mock offense.

“Y/N, I’m offended. I’ve been here for like, five minutes, and I’ve received absolutely no affection from you. If I don’t get love, I will wilt and die. Do you want to be responsible for my death?” He opens his arms wide, and you roll your eyes dramatically, and stand there.

“We’re not doing this in public.” You say, standing your ground.

“Ohhh, YES we are, Y/N.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Prepare yourself for the onslaught.”

You take a couple steps back, prepared to run. He grabs your arms, wraps his around your torso, and picks you up, swinging you around.

“Nooooooooooooooooo!!” You cry. “Put me down you oaf!”

“No! I want love!” He all but shouts, and spins you around. He grabs your cheek with one hand and starts giving you big ‘ol smooches all over your face, and you’re giggling and trying to push him away, when you hear something drop and spill on the pavement a good twenty feet from you. You look up.

It’s Spinel.

Her face is twisted with heartbreak, and before you can even speak up, she bolts.

You look down, and see the cookies she made you scattered on the ground.

#spinel x reader #spinel #su #steven universe #spinel self insert #fic #my fic #devils ballroom #look. im not sorry yall. i promise next chapter youll get what u want LMFAO

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the-star-knight · 4 years

Text

Tales of A Star

Summary: A retelling of the show through Star’s eyes

Rated: T+

Chapter 1 - Aftermath of Before Ever After (Origins)

Word Count: 2,150

Author’s Note: I’ve tried to put Star’s start in a post series timing but it didn’t feel right, so instead i just jabbed her in the original show. Nothing major changes, think of it as more layers in the story. Also it’s through Star’s perspective so I try not to repeat anything that is unnecessary.

Next Chapter ▶︎

I often think about how it is to live a normal life. You know, without having death breathing down your neck all the time or having the responsibility of being “the chosen one”.

Having a normal life sounds nice. Not having that stress about thinking about what crazy thing that will get you almost killed today. I envy people who don't ever have to think that.

Anyways, I awoke really early that morning. The sun barely rose above the horizon. I had to make sure I got back in time before my parents got up.

I went down toward the royal stables. There was a pretty young black mare. She has a white marking on her forehead.

"Hey there, Luna," I patted her head. I call her Luna because of her white marking. It sort of resembles the shape of the moon. Okay, more like a wobbly moon.

I pulled out an apple from my bag and gave it to her. She quickly ate it and neighed in happiness. I pulled out another apple from my bag and ate it myself. I didn't have time to prepare anything for myself since I planned to go beyond Corona borders.

I saddled Luna up. "Are you ready?"

She neighed and kicked her hooves in the air in delight.

"I'll take that as a yes," I said. I got on her back and we rode off.

Horseback riding is one of my favorite things in the world. The wind in your hair and the early morning air smelled crisp. We rode through the town square and the bridge, and we passed a village. The buildings slowly disappeared and more and more trees came into view.

Eventually, we approached the Corona Wall. I looked for a way to cross over.

I saw an archway in the wall that we could cross. Unfortunately, it was guarded.

"Hold it!" One of the guards said as we approached. "What is your business?"

"Um…" I tried looking for an excuse.

"Quickly!" Another guard soldier came in panting. "We require backup! A fugitive has been spotted!"

“What? I thought they were all captured yesterday,” the soldier grumbled.

"Look like not all of them! Come on, move it!"

"You, um...stay here!" The guard said. "We will be right back!"

And with that they ran off.

I stood there for a couple of moments to see if they'd come back, but they didn't. Well, that was too convenient.

We continue to pass Corona borders and the wilderness spreads far and wide. It felt like the trees and hills stretched forever.

Eventually we stopped near a bridge. However, the bridge wasn't fit for crossing. It was simply gone. You can see the remains of where the bridge used to be. There was no way getting to the other side

"Weird, I could've sworn the last time we were around here the bridge was still intact,” I said. “Come on, let’s find another way to cross.”

We rode downstream until we hit an easier way to cross. We crossed along a shallow river.

Now, I don't know why but I could feel something was pulling me towards a direction. You can call me crazy all you want but it felt like someone or something was calling me.

As we approached a cliff, I realized that more of these black rocks were appearing. I've seen them sprout every once in a while but only a couple, but these rocks were everywhere. They were tall and sharp. I looked at my reflection at one of them. My braided hair was a mess, with hair strands sticking out all over the place. This is what I get for being in a rush this morning.

These rocks were taller than me, even though I'm not that tall too begin with, but we won't get to that.

Then, I saw something I would have never imagined to see in person: the place where the Sundrop flower was found.

There was a stone lying at the edge of the cliff. It had engravings on it and a small picture of the Sundrop flower.

I couldn't believe it. There it is! The flower that saved the queen and the princess!

Although I was filled with amazement, something else caught my eye.

Something shined on the ground. A gemstone. It looked like a diamond but it was more shiny than any diamond I've ever seen and it seemed to be almost…glowing? I picked it up and put it away in my pocket.

Luna and I decided to rest here and admire the view. I sat and leaned back. Out there was the vast beautiful, blue sea. I closed my eyes and smelled the salt in the air. I heard the waves crash against the cliffs.

I smiled.

It was nice and peaceful. Unlike back at the castle where everything has been hectic especially for the princesses coronation yesterday. My mom is one of the queen’s handmaidens, so she heard all about the crazy thing that happened. Also, you know the news here travels fast with the handmaidens.

Lately things have been weirder than ever. My mom told all of my family what happened yesterday at the castle over dinner. Luckily, my mom wasn’t there when Lady Caine tried to take prisoners. My dad was pretty shaken up by what would've happened if Lady Caine did get her way. Seeing my dad get worried is a face that is hard to look at.

"Oh my gosh! We have to get back!!" I quickly got myself up and got on Luna. "Sorry, girl. I know we didn't stay too long, but we have to get back before my dad finds out."

We rode back as quickly as fast we could.

When we reached the stables, I already found my dad there. But before I could hide, he already saw me.

"Star!" My dad didn't sound exactly thrilled.

"Um...hola, papá!" I said nervously.

"Star, what did we talk about your morning rides with Luna?"

"Um...to not be late for my morning chores?" I try to put on a fake innocent smile.

My dad gave me a look and simply sighed. “You do know that I don’t mind you riding off but you have to at least be on time for your morning chores. It worries me when you are not back on time.”

“Dad, I’m fifteen! I can handle this,” I said. “Plus, the amount of royal guards have practically doubled overnight because of yesterday's incident at that castle.”

"I know," he sighed. "But, it’s still concerning."

I sighed, he was right. It wasn't right for me to get upset over my dad getting worried. "Sorry, dad."

After yesterday, I can only imagine how other Coronans might feel. Corona has been safe for the most part but after yesterday, I'm not so sure how safe Corona is anymore.

"Come on, ojitos, these stables aren't going to clean themselves," my dad said.

Ugh, I always disliked how my dad called me by my eyes. It's shortened for ojitos míos. Yes, I am his only child that has taken after his brown eyes, although having an entire nickname by my eyes is pretty weird since it's basically calling me eyes. Like who would call anyone eyes?

I simply sighed and grabbed a pitchfork and began to unload the hay into the stables.

My dad is the royal stable keeper. Everyone who works in the stables has to listen to him. There are a couple of people that work here, but they are quite a bit older than me. Aside from being the youngest at 15, I’m also pretty much the only girl working here. This makes it a lot harder for me to make friends and my anxiety doesn’t do me any favors either. I’ve always kind of felt out of place, you know?

All throughout the day I couldn’t stop thinking about what I saw and found that morning. The Sundrop flower and that weird gemstone. The gemstone was so unnaturally bright. Maybe I could make a nice piece of jewelry. Oh yes! That's a good idea.

Then I couldn’t stop envisioning how the necklace would look like. It's like an image that was already engraved in my head.

Later that day, I went home and drew the image of the jewelry I had stuck in my head. I pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil. I try to derail from that image to see if I could find a better design I liked. However, whatever ideas I had I seem to go back to that image. It kind of resembles some sort of symbol.

I began to think about what jewelry I should make the gem out of.

Maybe earrings? Nah, there's only one gem. Hm...maybe a bracelet? I like it but not sure if that's what I want. What about…oh! A necklace!

When I was finally done with drawing what the necklace would look like, I went to the one person who could help me out.

"Hey, Xavier!" I greeted him as I entered his workshop. Xavier is Corona's blacksmith. He also knows a bunch of cool magic stuff.

"Ah, hello Star. How may I help you?" Xavier said.

"Um, hi Xavier! I was wondering if you could help me," I pulled out my paper with the necklace design on it, "with making this necklace,"

It was pretty embarrassing showing him my design. I’ve seen Rapunzel’s amazing intricate designs for dresses and pretty much anything you can imagine. My design was pretty simple, nothing too elaborate.

I handed the paper to Xavier.

“Oh, this is very nice, Star,” Xavier said. “Over here.”

Xavier walked over to a table and Star followed.

“Here,” I pulled out the weird gem from my bag and handed the gem to Xavier.

“Ah, what an interesting gem,” Xavier observed the gem. “Never seen anything like it.”

Neither have I, I thought.

“Silver metal would be an excellent choice.”

I let Xavier do all the metal work, since I didn't know a single thing about metalworking.

Xavier put the gem on the charm. "Ah, there we go. It is all yours, Star."

He handed the necklace to me.

“Thanks, Xavier. Look great!”

“Anytime.”

I put the necklace on and I headed back home.

At the dinner table my mother was still talking about the crazy thing that happened during the princess’s coronation. Apparently she wasn't done talking about it yesterday.

“So, Ethel told me how Lady Caine took prisoners, including the king,” my mom told us as she laid the plates on the table. “Lo puedes creer, Santiago?”

My dad sat down, “Well, it’s definitely hard to believe, Julianna.”

“And then, princess Rapunzel takes off her wig only to see that her long hair is back."

"De verdad?"

"Yes, it's like her hair practically grew overnight!"

"Oh, i wanna see Rapunzel’s long hair!" one of my sisters jumped up in excitement.

"I hear that her hair is like seventy feet long!" My other sister said. "I wonder how long it takes her to brush it."

"Too long probably," I added. I took a bite of my dinner. I wondered how Rapunzel handled the whole magic hair thing coming back.

"Rapunzel then," my mom continued, "starts fighting Lady Caine and the rest of the criminals. Eugene and Cassandra stepped in to help. Fortunately, everything turned out okay. The criminals were captured and the people that were taken were set free."

Later, I crawled into bed and my mother came in. She kissed my sisters on their forehead. My mom approached me and kissed me on the forehead as well.

I took off my new and put on the nightstand next to my bed.

"Oh, what is that?" she pointed to my necklace.

"A necklace. I found a gem and I wanted to make a necklace. With the help of Xavier, we made this."

"It looks very pretty."

My mom got up and walked towards the door.

"Buenas noches, mis amores." she closed the door slowly behind her.

I dreamt.

I stood in an empty void. There were memories floating in front of me. They were close enough to tell that they weren't mine, but they were far enough where I couldn't quite grasp it. Vague shapes and blurred out faces, I couldn't really make out any of them. Whatever these memories were, they seemed important.

I awoke in confusion.

That hasn't happened to me before, or to anyone, as a matter of fact. I couldn’t help but to feel that those memories were only pieces of something bigger. Something way bigger.

#tangled #tangled the series #tangled fanfiction #the star knight #the star knight au #my writing #star #my ocs #tales of a star

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enkisstories · 5 years

Text

Just like them (part 3 or Interlude)

Fast forward a few hours…

When Hank returned from work that day, Connor was already at home. And not just that, he had also had enough time to bake the abomination that was a sugar free carob coconut cake.

“How come you are home already?” Hank inquired. “They didn’t fire you?”

“No, nothing of that sort. Since everyone’s so keen on taking our age literally, I referred my bosses at CyberLife to the Youth Worker Protection Act that regulates work time for underage employees.“

“They will fire you.”

“I’ll get by. It’s not like I needed much. But you should eat now!”

“How about…” Hank started, all the while circling the kitchen table, “how about we do something fun instead? When we met, you’ve seen me at my lowest, now I kinda want to show you some of the places where I was happy.”

And also, the man thought, the places where happy food was waiting for him, not the sorry cake…

And so Connor learned that Hank Anderson had a bunch of real friends. A mixed group of citizens of both Detroit and Windsor, these men and women went back a long way. They hadn’t exactly grown up together, but bonded during their college years. And now they were living pretty much the same lives as back then, only taking it a little slower and with more neck pains, while their children assumed those “elders” hadn’t touched a videogame in their lives and were probably knitting during their outings. The eldest of the next generation, Skylar Colden’s Brandon, was already a teenager. But in all honesty? At the moment those spry millennials weren’t exactly radiating youthful energy. They were winding down after a stressful workday at a bowling bar and exchanging jokes about where exactly in their bodies their bones were protesting against all the bending down and tossing heavy bowling balls around.

“Now that’s a face not seen around this place in a long time!”, Mandy Schubert, a single mother of three, who was running a catering service, commented Hank’s arrival at the location. “But a welcome one! Very welcome!”

Wishe Durand, a freighter skipper on winter leave, turned around at these words. His tired face brightened up when he recognized the friend: “Indeed! To be frank, we weren’t sure whether you were still alive. But I never had the heart to check. As long as I didn’t know for sure, I could make believe you were still around.”

“Stuff that talk, Mike!”, Dorian Grangerford, a middle aged, but still hopeful, wannabe entertainer, scolded the friend. “So, Hank, what brought you out of your hole?”

“Believe it or not, but there was that young man who walked into a bar and spilled my drink. Turned out he was my son.”

“Oh, my!” Mandy exclaimed.

Right on cue Connor entered the bowling bar. Maybe it was the way he was walking, or his business casual style of dressing, perhaps some of the patrons had memorized his face from the news or maybe they had just glimpsed the LED on Connor’s temple, but everyone’s eyes immediately turned towards the former deviant hunter.

“Wait, what, is he supposed to be your long-lost son?” Wishe sputtered. “That’s an android, Hank! It’s got a LED!”

Connor nodded while approaching the group.

“That’s part of the deal”, he confirmed. “Once in a blue moon Hank will heed my health advice, but in turn I must keep the LED, so that he can see my system status.”

It wasn’t as big a concession as it sounded. Even before turning deviant Connor had been able to prevent his LED from broadcasting everything relating to his emotions. The device strictly reflected the android’s physically condition only.

Hank felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Skylar’s and the woman was looking at him with unveiled concern in her eyes.

“Haaaaank…I’m not sure how to put that, but… are you sure this was a good idea? I know there are child androids, of course, but this is a bit weird! Plus, I recall you were not especially fond of androids not so long ago.”

“I recognize the model”, Dorian added. “That’s an RK800. It cannot have come cheap.”

Connor looked from one to the other.

“Someone wanting to fill me in what you’re talking about?”

“Ey…” Hank took a step forward, pulling Skylar with him. He grabbed Dorian, included him in the hug and led both of them back towards the bowling lane the friends had rented. “Let’s play a round! It feels as if I hadn’t done this in forever!” “You cannot avoid this topic forever, you know!” Dorian said, but it was a very weak protest. Weren’t they together again just like in the old times? Things would work out somehow.

“They don’t make sense, Hank!” Connor remarked. “More like the opposite.” The android paused and considered what he had just spoken. It led to a rather simple, but heartwarming conclusion: “You must be truly good friends, with them being so much like you!”

While Skylar added a fifths and sixth player to the table, Hank picked up a bowling ball. He weighed it in his hand, adjusted his grip and then took a step back. The old-familiar weariness was still there, Connor noticed, but something had changed. Hank didn’t seem to treat the game as a chore, like he had everything else ever since they had first met. The man was now putting effort into something, something he really seemed to be looking forward no less.

Of course what the android, who had worked alongside Hank Anderson for a short time only, had noticed wasn’t lost on the human’s friends.

“Look at that smile!” Skylar commented. “It’s been years since we’ve seen Hank so full of energy.”

“It’s been years since we saw him AT ALL”, Mandy corrected the friend. But then the woman shook her head. “Too bad it’s based on an illusion! Buying an android to pretend he has an adult son he never knew about…”

“Adult?” the android parroted. “Dad had to pick me up from the police station this very morning for breaking curfew last night.”

“What?!” Wishe gasped. “That’s a joke, is it?”

“You are Canadian, right? We may be living next door, but you don’t know what it’s like for androids at the moment. It’s less than a week since Markus’s final stand, but people already get very creative when it comes to shutting us out. Getting our age taken literally is just one of the shenanigans we have to deal with.”

“But you are aware that you are not really Hank’s son?” Wishe prodded.

“In the same way every adoptee is. Look, Captain Durand, I didn’t have a word for Hank’s and my relationship, because we bicker too much to be friends, but do not feel romantically attracted to each other to be a couple. The curfew incident provided us with a workable model: Father and son.

But you know what? Soon as you can suggest a better term than “father” for someone who teaches you everything about the world, protects you from both it and from your own stubbornness while at the same time is not getting anything, to the point where you wonder how he made it from day to day before you came into his life, then, yes, then I will consider your contribution.”

On and on the balls rolled down the lane and next up was Connor. Seeing that he had neither an applicable app not any firsthand experience with the game, the deviant android mimicked Hank’s movements. The ball left Connor’s hand, moved down the lane and hit well enough, but there was still room for improvement. It felt right, somehow.

“I should switch on my lungs again”, Connor told Hank a little later, when they were sitting at a small table, watching the other players take their turns. “Josh says to be truly equal with the humans we need to accept each other’s differences, and many deviants shut off some of the subsystems that make us appear more humanlike. But I’m so used to the chest movement that I actually get worse at the game – or anything – when I’m not breathing.”

“Yeah, suffocation does that to humans, too”, Hank remarked. “You are not that special!”

It was something Gavin or Tina might have said, but out of Hank’s mouth it sounded different, especially since the man now flashed Connor a smile.

“You mad at me?” he then asked and they both knew what was being referred to.

“As long as I do not have to move into your basement”, Connor replied.

They smiled at each other again, then Hank spoke up again:

“With an older and a younger cop on the same beat, in time the older often turns into a parental figure for the younger. It’s nothing surprising or unusual.”

“In troubled times like these”, Connor supplied, “it’s helpful to be able to fall back on what one is familiar with.”

“As if you knew, junior!”

“Hehe.”

#detroit become human #dbh #dbh connor #dbh hank #dbh hank connor father son #dbhtextpost #danielgavinnewstory

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itsclydebitches · 6 years

Text

Diving Deep

Hello, @badluckcharm-exe! It’s finally done! Sorry this took forever and a day. Inspiration decided to take a vacation for a while... Regardless, I hope you enjoy this. I’ll be sure to get it up on AO3 tomorrow 💚

Prompt was for a Mermaid AU.

“Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream! Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream. Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream—”

“Holy shit, kid, you’re twelve. Don’t you know any other songs?”

Oscar blinked, finally drawing his gaze away from the aquarium. The hallway they stood in had water on both sides as well as above, a dome that never failed to leave Qrow’s stomach queasy because good god what happened if that glass ever broke? Oscar had no such reservations. He pressed right against the barrier—things with teeth passing him by—until the water rippled off his skin and there was a green tint to his eyes.

“I’m fourteen,” he said, head cocked strangely against the glass.

“That’s worse.”

Oscar shrugged. “I like it. The song I mean. Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. If you meet the kelpie’s eyes then don’t forget to scream.”

…What the actual fuck?

It wasn’t the first time the kid had said something totally off the wall. Qrow leaned on his mop, watching Oscar tap the glass until, coincidentally, a bright orange fish swam up to where he stood. Qrow had worked at Atlas Labs nearly a year now and knew that, no matter what Ozpin claimed, they were only surrounded by a bunch of dumb animals. You couldn’t train a fish to come when called, no more than he’d been able to train Oscar to be marginally less annoying. Honestly, what the ever loving hell was a kelpie?

“Hey.” Qrow tapped his boot until Oscar finally looked his way. The fish immediately swam off. “If you’re just gonna stand there how about you help me wipe down the glass?” That way Qrow didn’t need to go near all that nonsense. “All boys your age should have chores. Builds character. Or something.”

For reasons unknown to him Oscar’s eyes strayed to the bucket full of water next to Qrow’s feet. He split into a grin.

“Nope! Tell Dad I said hi!”

And Oscar scurried off, boots squeaking on the tiled floor as he disappeared around a corner. He’d left smudges on the glass and a scuff where he’d stood. Great.

Another bug-eyed fish bumped against the glass parallel to Qrow’s head. He scowled.

“What the hell are you looking at?”

***

Atlas Labs. Renowned world-wide for their cutting advancements in marine biology. Not exactly the sort of research that got Qrow all hot and bothered, but what could he say? People were weird. Apparently while most looked to the skies for answers to Earth’s problems, the real scientists were turning to the many mysteries of the seas. Our origins, future, even a chance at immortality—all of it was hidden somewhere beneath the waves. At least, that’s what Ozpin claimed.

Not that Ozpin was any less weird than his son.

“Your brat says ‘hi.’”

Lithe and tall enough to hit his head on the occasional hanging lamp, Ozpin Pine presumably had his picture printed next to the dictionary definition of ‘eccentric.’ Qrow had never seen him in anything other than a wrinkled green suit (not the same one every day… surely?) and a lab coat stained with all sorts of things that he never needed identified, thanks. A mop of white hair looked perpetually windblown despite the fact that the man rarely stepped outside and Oz wore these teeny tiny glasses that couldn’t possibly help a flea see, let alone a grown-ass man. He wore rings on his fingers, a long line of earrings, and had hidden tattoos that Qrow sometimes caught peeking out from beneath the cuff of his shirt. It hurt to look at him. In the same way it hurt to look at an ongoing car wreck while being blinded by the sun. Ozpin was, simply put, an oddball.

And Qrow would have laid down his life for him.

Heh. Not to be dramatic or anything, but there weren’t many world-renowned scientists in this place who’d design to speak kindly to their janitor. Or speak to him at all. His first day Ozpin had slipped a sweet from his pocket into Qrow’s hand, made some horrendous joke, introduced Oscar as “My much beloved offspring” (what?), and capped it all off with the warmest smile Qrow had ever had the privilege of soaking up. Those scraps of kindness would have bred devotion on their own, but Ozpin genuinely seemed to like him, as ridiculous as that seemed. Qrow had thought this job was going to be the worst of the many he’d grabbed in the last three years. Instead it was…

Interesting. Yeah. It was something alright.

Ozpin had no inkling of Qrow’s inner judgement. He was too busy comically looking around the floor, or roughly around the height where a pint-sized teen might stand.

“My brat?” he asked, smiling so wide the florescent lights glinted off his back teeth. He took another candy from his pocket and munched it, seemingly thoughtful. Qrow had heard the other scientists bitching about Ozpin bringing food into the labs, claiming that it would attract animals. Like they weren’t already surrounded by animals. Duh.

Qrow eyed the tank in the far corner of Ozpin’s office. Like every other room in Atlas it was a space with aquarium tendencies, though this tank wasn’t listed on any of the public tours. The fish in there were clearly some special experiment of Oz’s, with bright neon strips on top and transparent bodies below. Qrow caught a glimpse of fish skeleton and swallowed back a gag.

“Yes, your brat. He kept bugging me while I cleaned the entryway. Don’t you have a leash for him or something?” Qrow started emptying the trash bins while Oz watched, gaze so focused it seemed to sizzle a hole in the back of his uniform. He did a lot of that. Watching. Qrow had also heard the other nerds complaining about Ozpin’s overly observant nature, saying he wasn’t just intense, but downright creepy.

Weren’t science types supposed to be curious about everything though? If Ozpin wanted to examine the slope of Qrow’s ass, then by all means.

He bent a little farther while picking up the next can, just in case that really was what Oz was interested in. Gray slacks and beige boots weren’t exactly the height of style, but Qrow was confident in his ability to work even the saddest of outfits. Besides, it wasn’t like Ozpin had room to judge. Today he had a stack of jelly bracelets on his left wrist and an octopus pin on the collar of his coat. The man was a hodge-podge of strange adornments, wearing each and every one like they were actually fashionable.

Months he’d been at this job and Qrow was still trying to figure out if the man was just that dense or just that indifferent. Besides, none of this even touched on Ozpin’s tendency to—

“I’m afraid not. I tried a leash of kelp once and Oscar slipped right out of it. He always was such a nimble little fry.”

—say weird shit.

Like father, like son. Apparently.

Qrow paused in the act of dumping five billion used tissues into his cart. He pinched the bridge of his nose. It was 10:00 at night and he didn’t have the energy to tackle whatever the hell a kelp leash was. Instead Qrow raised a single finger, letting it flop. “Nimble fry? Should I serve Oscar up with ketchup tomorrow?”

Which resulted in Ozpin throwing his head back and laughing—literally, like something out of a cartoon. His desk was a mess of papers covered in rainbow highlighting and the bookcase next to that was organized by color rather than genre. Or heaven forbid, last name. Between those and the fish (and his iffy fashion sense) Ozpin was surrounded by color in the otherwise sterile room. It was like this wherever he went. Ozpin blended in with the vibrant life of the tanks around them; always looking like he was more at home with the water just out of reach. Qrow supposed that was a good thing for a man who’d devoted his life to marine biology. It did make one wonder about stupid, sappy things though. Like fate maybe. What kind of man was born with eyes the color of sand and a smile that lit you up like a glimpse of the horizon?

Sometimes Qrow wondered if he’d hear waves if he listened for Oz’s heartbeat. Would he taste salt on his lips?

Right now Qrow had neither. All he could smell was trash.

“A fry is a juvenile fish,” Ozpin said, still wiping tears from his eyes. “Ah, but you’re a fry too, aren’t you, Qrow? So very young. I wouldn’t expect you to know such things.”

Ozpin came up and actually gave his cheek a pat, like some doting grandmother humoring her young charge. Qrow got a close look at his unlined face and could see how soft his hair was, with none of the wiry texture that usually accompanied gray strands. For a man who loved teasing him about his age (not nearly as young as people tended to assume), Ozpin didn’t look a day over thirty himself. It was just one more of his oddities. Qrow had stopped bothering to count them long ago.

Instead he leaned into Ozpin’s touch when his hand decided to rest on his cheek a moment, like some rare bird designing to visit. Ozpin’s fingers were cool as their pads lightly took in the texture of Qrow’s skin. He thought he saw Ozpin’s pupils dilating, blowing black against brown, though that may have just been a trick of the light.

“Is anyone gonna let me do some actual work around here?” he finally groused. A moment longer and Qrow might not have let Ozpin go.

“You should be very proud,” he said, voice carrying a touch of awe that didn’t sit right with the rest of the scene. Ozpin was looking at a bio waste bag. “You have such a wonderful job.”

Qrow stared. Then he looked down to make sure that yes, he was still a janitor and yes, those were drops of day-old coffee on his shoes. A smear of something vile-smelling on his sleeve. Everything else was disinfectant.

“I do?”

“Of course! Why, it’s a service. You keep things neat and sterile. You help make sure my family has a lovely home to keep coming back to.” Ozpin rested his hand on the tank and all the fish congregated around his reflection. Must think it was time for food or something. Qrow was used to the term ‘family’ getting thrown out when Ozpin was speaking and slimy, big-eyed fish were involved. That hardly fazed him nowadays.

The idea that someone found janitorial work impressive? That was something out of left field. Qrow could feel the blush now staining his cheeks.

“Guess I’m not the worst at it,” he muttered, taking up his bag again because damn, he couldn’t look Ozpin in the eye when he got like this. He was expecting another non-sequitor into the new book he was reading, or maybe the fact that Oscar had started collecting forks again (don’t ask). Instead Qrow felt a touch at the crook of his arm, as gentle as when Ozpin had touched his cheek. He stepped closer.

“You truly are marvelous,” Ozpin whispered.

“…Do you hear the stuff that comes out of your mouth?”

“Oh yes. Sometimes I’m the only one who hears. Except Oscar, of course…and you. You’ve always heard me, haven’t you, Qrow? Tell me, do you enjoy the music?”

Must just mean music. In general, like. Qrow suspected that Ozpin was foreign, slipping articles in where none where needed because there certainly wasn’t any music playing now.

…Right?

He wasn’t holding the trash bag anymore. It was thrown haphazardly across his cart, now replaced with Ozpin’s cool, surprisingly smooth hand. Qrow stared down at the appendage, reeling, wondering when that had happened and why. How many times was the man going to touch him tonight—freely—when he’d kept some sort of distance all these months before?

“You do hear,” Ozpin murmured, seemingly to himself. “And Oscar is so very fond of you…why, we both are.” His contemplative look suddenly split like ripe fruit, revealing a blinding smile beneath. “Come, Qrow. Let me show you.”

“Show me what?”

Don’t ask too many questions. You’ll spoil the fun. Ozpin had said that to him once when Qrow had feigned an interest in all his nasty fish, figuring that maybe he’d have some sort of chance if there was a shared interest between them, even a faked one. Instead his words had been rebuffed, Ozpin seeming to stare through him to the lie beneath, finding it all very humorous. Qrow wasn’t surprised that his questions weren’t answered now.

Instead Ozpin led him down the long corridors of Atlas labs, their steps echoing and their breathing overly loud. The aquarium around them shifted with dark blues and greens. The fish seemed to follow, waiting.

It occurred to Qrow then that they were the only ones here. He was the late-night janitor. Ozpin was the workaholic who never seemed to sleep. The only thing that broke the isolation was Oscar’s voice drifting faintly down the hall as he sang that insistent song. Row, row, row, your boat. Where to though? They were the only ones here and suddenly that seemed as much a possibility as a threat.

Don’t forget to scream.

Qrow opened his mouth, but all that came out was a soft, devoted sigh. He stepped into the water.

…water?

“There you are,” Ozpin said. It came out as a coo. “Quite lovely, isn’t it?”

He’d taken him to one of the wading pools. Into the wading pool, where the wildlife swam free, providing the scientists with a place to get up close and personal with their research. A tiny part of Qrow’s mind expressed surprise that Ozpin had stepped in with him—he and Oscar had always had such a strange aversion to touching water, despite their love of it. Filled boots. Wet pants sticking to his ankles, now his thighs. A slightly larger part of him was sending off panicked signals, claiming that he never ever wanted to be this close to a bunch of fish. There were little guppy things scurrying about. Rays with long tails. What might have been a small shark. Everything circled around them as they moved forward, a whirlpool of all the things Qrow had wanted to avoid since taking this position.

Except for Ozpin. Qrow waded deeper, moving towards him and him alone.

“You heard, Qrow. Do you see too?”

Dumbly, Qrow stared down at their still clasped hands. There were membranes between Ozpin’s fingers now and when he smiled his teeth had grown sharper. He’d grown more.

There was a ledge where the pool connected to the tank, a space between the two worlds just large enough for the kinder animals to slip through. Or perhaps two men. One man and… Ozpin; who pulled Qrow under with a forceful, determined tug.

He’d always thought it would be boring under the water. All dark and silent. Far from it though. When Qrow first jerked in panic Ozpin was there, his tattoos, his scales bright within the pool’s gloom, casting little prisms between them. His tail pulled Qrow close while his pupils narrowed into slits. There were tender, clawed hands bowing his shoulders.

There was a moment of suspension then, poised somewhere between bobbing and swimming. Qrow caught Ozpin’s gaze and gave himself up to drowning in those eyes.

Well done, they seemed to say. A mouth filled with teeth and fierce possession leaned in for what might have been a kiss.

Qrow had always taken his chances. He met Ozpin halfway and what do you know.

He tasted salt.

#rwby #ozqrow #rwbyfic #mermaids #badluckcharm-exe

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kfawkes · 7 years

Text

Promise - [Eggsy Unwin x Reader]

[AHHH THIS WAS SO FUCKING MUCH FUN HOLY SHIT lol. This is sorta like a TGC sequel…. kinda??? Sorta, lol with a fix it where everyone is happy lol. But its angsty af too because yes. :) Hope you like it anon!!!! Also hope you like the end I worked hard on that for you lol. As usual the codename Tristan is used for you :)

Pairing: Eggsy x Reader with Roxy, Merlin AND Harry lol. I had fun with this one.

Words: 3.1K I am so sorry hahahaha

Warnings: Cursing, angst, sorta spoilers but not really?

— Read on Ao3!]

“You can’t actually be suggesting that we don’t tell her. This is her fi—” Roxy started, quite loudly might you add.

“Of course not, but she doesn’t need t—“

Roxy was standing across from Merlin, and he seemed to have been just as affected by whatever the hell was happening. You clearly had walked in on a moment, a tense one at that. And by the shift in air and cascade of silence as you stepped forward, you had a feeling just who the ‘her’ in question was.

But… what the fuck were they talking about?

Roxy took an uneasy step from Merlin, pulling her top lip between her teeth as she slid her slender fingers to her hips; unable to look at you. Merlin behaved just as suspiciously, shuffling his weight and pulling a hand across his chin while he absently tapped his notepad to his thigh.

It was hard for you to talk at first, and not knowing what was happening didn’t help one bit. One thing you did know was that you really didn’t like when people talked about you… especially when the conversation was heated and/or involved not telling you something.

Before you spoke you sent out a soft smile; one not nearly as convincing as you wanted it to be as you crossed your arms. “Tell me what?”

Neither of them had even tried denying you were their subject; but after a moment they both slid their eyes to yours almost guiltily as if on queue. Roxy gritted her teeth before stepping towards you, twiddling her fingers anxiously at her navel.

“What?” When you spoke this time, you didn’t bother masking your confusion and near engulfing anger. Those nerves sent their familiar prickle of anxiety through you so strongly it tingled clear to your fingertips, and you needed to know what was going on. “What is it?”

“Eggsy… He-there’s been… something happened during the mission.” Roxy’s brows were dark, and so were her pale amber eyes.

“Wh… what do y—,” You paused to swallow down the lump that began forming in your throat as your mouth went dry. Moving your eyes from Roxy to Merlin’s offered no sense of comfort, and his were much darker than hers had been… Now as you finish he wasn’t even able to even look at you anymore. “What happened?”

Neither of them offered their response, and your eyes immediately began filling with warm tears; they pressed ferociously at your lids begging for release. “He’s… Eggsy’s okay, right? He— there w-was an accident, he—he’s hurt… bu-but he’s okay, he’s fine… right?”

But you knew by the look they sent you that Eggsy was anything but ‘fine’.

“He’s not…” You breathed lightly trying to ground yourself as you leaned back on Merlin’s desk.

Roxy stepped forward again, attempting to place a hand to your shoulder, but you pulled back forcefully. You weren’t mad at her, of course you weren’t… But you knew what that touch meant and you didn’t want to believe it— you wouldn’t.

Only, by the way she looked at you as she shook her head softly, you knew you couldn’t deny it.

Those eyes of hers were so heavy and full of despair; and in that second it felt like a bomb had been dropped atop your head. You couldn’t hear anything… you couldn’t see anything, there was just a dull persistent ringing clanging in your otherwise still mind.

“No. There– it’s not possible.” You began shaking your head profusely standing in protest; the denial setting in, sinking its teeth into your worried flesh. And now you were losing your balance as the sickly feeling stuck to you like tree sap.

You were so light headed, so fucking confused that you nearly forgot where you were. The tears weren’t gentle, but coursing and pouring with a vengeance and all you could see were flashes of his face…

Flashes of black and Eggsy’s smile…

Another flash of darkness began creeping, poisoning your mind and vision as you nearly felt his hands sliding up your neck and into your hair…

Then all you could hear was dull ringing in the silence; the voices of your friends and coworkers were muffled and echoing as if in the distance…

“No… please no.”

———

It’s quite… it’s so damn quiet.

It’s been this way since you lost Eggsy and all you felt was emptiness. Deep, dark, emptiness and part of you wondered if this would ever get better.

Since Eggsy died, you had trouble doing the simplest things. Everything you did was a chore. Breathing was a chore, eating was a chore… Even the things you loved were hard for you to do, and you knew it wasn’t right. That he wouldn’t want you to rot away alongside him wherever the hell that was…

But you couldn’t help it. There just didn’t seem to be a point anymore as terrible as that sounds. And if there was? You were having a hard time seeing it lately.

You’d never loved anything the way you loved Eggsy, and not having a body to bury made everything that much worse. It was like you couldn’t find closure… because as crazy as it sounds, without a body there was still a chance he could be alive, wasn’t there?

Eggsy would never give up on you, you couldn’t give up on him. Even though you knew, deep down you knew… it was pointless.

All you could hear right now is Eggsy promising you he’d always make it back to you. That you’d never be alone…

Funny enough… you were alone, and that’s exactly how you felt.

And that just made things harder to accept. It was hard to accept that the only person you ever loved was gone forever. That someone could be here one day, and just… gone the next. That everything you admired and cared for had just been erased suddenly; like wiping a fucking computer. Reduced to a name on a tombstone and a bunch of fucking pictures and memories too painful to revisit.

It was hard to move on when you had someone like Eggsy showing you just how special you were… Showing you everyday that you were meant to be his. That he was it: your end game.

It’d been 6 months, and it still felt fresh every morning you woke in that bed; cold and alone. A painful reminder that you lost everything locked around your ring finger, unspoken vows and broken promises… But you had to try to be a person, didn’t you? If not for yourself, at least for Eggsy.

So today, like all days you rolled over lazily— exhausted even though you’d slept at least 10 hours. The funny thing about being depressed was that you could sleep as much as you wanted, but you still woke up just as tired. Or… maybe that wasn’t funny now that you thought about it.

You eyed the empty space beside you with heavy eyelids, curling your lips into a pained frown. The wound reopening and poring its fresh blood across you and for a second you could almost see Eggsy there again… Laying shirtless on his stomach; with his broad shoulders hiding the lower half of his face, his arms stuffed under his pillow effortlessly… That golden crown of hair every which way from the night before, and his restful slumber shining in the sunlight.

You reached your hand out, wanting to feel his warmth there, but you only felt emptiness instead. The cold, crisp reminder that he was really gone and like a wave it overtook you once more. Pulling you into its wild current and you couldn’t breathe.

And as the feelings take you over, you shoved your face into his pillow almost desperately. It still smelled like him, but if you kept this shit up it wouldn’t for much longer and that scared you.

JB and Prince noticed your fit, but of course they did… Within seconds they both began licking your face and the fingers you draped over it affectionately. They missed Eggsy almost as much as you did, that much was clear but they didn’t understand where he went the way you did… how could they?

You wiped your eyes with the long sleeves of his button up, throwing your heavy arms around them both, pulling them tightly into a hug.

“I’m sorry you guys…” You whispered into JB’s head as you pressed kisses to both of them.

You were half ready to just call in today… let Roxy and Harry deal with whatever needed to be done while you ate a tub of lavender ice cream while crying and watching some romantic movie with a happy ending. But when you looked at your phone and read the message across the screen, you felt a strange trickle rushing through you.

MESSAGES

Merlin

‘It’s urgent. Bring JB.’

———

When you made it to Kingsman things felt… weird. Off. Like something wasn’t right. But it wasn’t every day your coworkers asked you to bring in your dead fiancés dog to work, so clearly something was up.

The message alone was enough to get you out of the house in less than 10 minutes, but considering you basically gave up on personal care or looking– well, not dead, that was close to your average nowadays.

When you pushed through the doors of the shop Merlin, Roxy and Harry were all there clearly awaiting your arrival. As you stepped closer they all stood anxiously and you felt it like a truck had slammed into your chest at full speed.

“What the hell is this… is this an intervention or something? Cause if it is, I’m goi—” You started taking a defensive step towards the door as you pull JB closer to your chest protectively.

“No, Tristan… It’s nothing like that.” Roxy started shaking her head with brows lowered. The look she wore was one you didn’t know so well and it made you more nervous than you were before.

“Then… what is it like? This is— kinda… weird don’t you think?” You were rather uneasy and talking faster than you wanted to be, but seriously just… what the fuck was this?

“We… we have something to show you.” Merlin cleared his throat before talking, his hand held his other wrist tightly. “Try not to… be alarmed if you can manage.”

Harry just sent you a soft smile lowering his head slightly in a nod; and you tried to read the expression behind his eye, but his too was nearly impossible to understand.

“Okay… what?” You breathed out with chest heaving tenaciously. JB was beginning to wrestle about in your arms, so you dropped him to your feet lightly.

“Do you remember when Eggsy and I found Harry… How he didn’t really know who he was?” Merlin asked raising his brows at you passively releasing his grip on his wrist as he signal towards Harry.

“Yeah, of course. What about it?” You asked tossing them all a quick glance, feeling as though you were late and seriously unprepared for a performance. “What are you trying to say…”

You didn’t realize it at first with how overwhelmed you were feeling, but Harry had left the room.

Merlin was talking still, but now you weren’t listening… Instead you were watching as Harry walked slowly down the stairs tucked behind the register. You listened as a second set of feet made their way behind him… Your eyes followed as JB ran from your side and up the stairs, barking excitedly.

All you could see were two legs in a pair of bright white adidas. After a moment two arms kneeled down to pet him and your breath was so fast, that you felt like your heart was seconds away from bursting through your chest; Aliens style.

But you just watched anxiously as the hands lifted JB up, and continued their decent down the steps leisurely…

Time itself was moving so slowly that it felt like everything had almost stopped and you didn’t know what to expect… what you’d see…

But when the man reached the base of the stairs… it was Eggsy, just like you knew it would be.

He was there, just standing and looking from Roxy to Harry, then ending on Merlin… Smiling wide and pure as JB licked his face excitedly.

Tears filled your eyes immediately, and you felt your whole body begin to shake as you stare at him. Watching in awe as he looked at JB still holding that perfectly cheeky smile you loved so fucking much. The smile you were sure you’d never see again…

“An who’s this?” Eggsy asked not looking from the pug he held tightly, enjoying the shower of affection.

Eggsy still hadn’t noticed you standing off in the corner by the door and it was apparent that he didn’t recognize JB at all… At that realization you took in a deep pained gasp; one that was far too loud, throwing your hand over your mouth as the salted tears slipped from your eyes aggressively.

He darted his gaze to yours immediately upon your exhale, clearly being caught by surprise; and at first he looked so young and innocent… like someone else entirely. And he didn’t know who the fuck you were…

“This guy yours?” Eggsy asked, hardly seeming to notice you…

You pulled your hand from your mouth, still not moving or speaking as you send your tongue to wet your lips. When he looked at you again, you shook your head ever so slightly back and fourth in silent reply.

In the next seconds you watched as Eggsy’s eyes changed. That azure stare shifted as he narrowed his eyes on yours; scanning you like the pages of a book he could hardly make out. A moment later he stepped closer, each footstep more cautious than the last; with eyes still pushed to thin slits. The expression he wore was one you’d seen a hundred times before. It was the same look he made when he was trying to remember an actors name, or the title of some song stuck in his head…

Like something was on the tip of his tongue… but he just couldn’t figure out what it was.

He cocked his head slightly, standing between the two tables holding their respective items sporting that same bewildered look. His lips parted as he place JB to the ground taking another leery step in your direction. “I… I know you, don’I?”

You still couldn’t speak, but you nodded once with lips clenched together like they were glued in place.

“Wh… where do I…” Eggsy started with uncertainty, then turned to look at Harry sharply. He pulled his hand to his head gripping his eyes shut behind a tight fist, his face pulled about uncomfortably.

You stepped closer to him instinctively, wanting nothing more than to protect him. To hug him, and tell him how much you loved him and missed him. You didn’t even give a shit how he got there, or that he was legally dead… You could figure all that shit out later.

What mattered now was that he was here… that he was alive.

After a moment Eggsy lifted his face to yours, his eyes wide matching your own. His lips parted again as he swallowed deeply before saying your name.

In a flash you closed the space between each other, pressing your bodies together tightly like you couldn’t be close enough. The pull was so strong it was magnetic and you never wanted to let him go. The way he kissed you was deep, fervent, and you honestly didn’t care if you were just stuck in some sick dream.

When you separated you noticed that the others had already retreated someplace else; offering the privacy you so desperately needed. You were full of questions, and desperate for answers but nothing came out but more tears.

Eggsy put both of his hands around your face, holding you softly between them as he wipe the tears away with his thumbs. “How long’s it been, luv? Why’s it feel like years since I done that?”

You pulled your hands to rest around his wrists as you rub your thumbs on the back of his hands. When you spoke, you could hardly raise above a whisper and your tone was lined with reluctance. “6 months and 22 days…”

Eggsy shook his head unbelieving, released a pained exhale at your chest; his mouth opening and taking many shapes before he pulled his lip tightly between his teeth. He looked like he was going to break for a moment, but his eyes lightened and he smiled at you so sweetly that all of your worries began seeping away.

“Did you miss me?” He asked softly, his words sweet like honey as he kissed you on the tip of your nose.

“That’s what you have to say? Seriously?” You laughed pushing him playfully in the stomach, feeling the familiar way he flinched at your soft pokes; and for a moment you were back to normal. Back to before you had to live a life without him in it, if you could really call what you did living…

He pulled you closer, locking his arms around your waist securely. “Bit better than ‘I lived’, innit?”

“I don’t know what the fuck I expected.” You confessed, deciding that this was most definitely the response you’d anticipated. Leave it to Eggsy to crack a joke after coming back from the dead, so to say…

But it really was nice to laugh again and it was amazing to have him back– even his shitty one liners.

Eggsy kissed you again, softer than the last time; like he was soaking you up as he pulled one hand to the back of your neck softly. Breathing you in like a long forgotten scent, and in a way: you were. “I love you so fuckin’ much, you know that don’ya?”

“Love you too, Eggy.” You scanned each new pale scar that decorated his chin as you pulled your fingers across the one over his eyebrow; tracing it lightly. “I can’t lose you again…”

“You ain’t gonna. Was a one time thing— my dyin’, I swear it.” He reassured you with confidence so strong, there was no denying he believed it wholeheartedly.

So you kissed him, finally feeling whole again. “Do you promise?”

“Promise, luv. Told ya, didn'I? Was always gonna come back to ya… jus lost my way for a bit.”

You weren’t sure he could really make a promise like that again, but for now you were prepared to believe anything that slipped from his perfect lips. And if you’d learned anything from this mess, it was that if anyone could keep their word… it was Eggsy.

“Always.”

#Eggsy Imagine #eggsy x reader #eggsy unwin x reader #kingsman #kingsman fic #eggsy #prompt #my fic #kingsman the golden circle #roxy morton #merlin #harry hart #fan fic

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drunklander · 7 years

Text

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 306

GUYS THEY’RE FINALLY BACK TOGETHER AND THE WHOLE POINT OF WATCHING THIS DAMN SHOW IS ACTUALLY ON MY TV AGAIN!

Like I feel like I’ve been waiting for this episode since the end of season one. I didn’t get sucked into the show because of the adventures du jour. I got sucked in because of the relationship between Jamie and Claire. Their intimacy. The intimacy they had even before the wedding. Yes, shenanigans need to happen around them or it’d just be a bunch of fluff, but watching how they go through the shenanigans *together* was kind of the whole point for me.

And the beginning of this season was obviously supposed to make the reunion feel earned, but with the lack of story on Claire’s side, it really kind of felt like a chore to slog through it at times.

But! This episode really was a great reminder of why I’ve stuck with the show with one glaring exception which I’m still salty about but not at all surprised by, and I *really* hope that they’re not going to treat it as a one and done.

Like in season one no matter what else was going on in the episodes, time was spent on building Jamie and Claire’s relationship before they got together and then time was spent figuring out what kind of couple they were going to be. *pretends the search doesn’t exist* Season two started with them dealing with Jamie’s rape, which it should have, but then when they came back together it was for like *a minute* before they basically then just started fighting over “saving” Frank. And then they lost Faith but the show skipped over them coming back together after that. Like suddenly they were just all ok and happy again, but literally for only one scene before going off to war. The investment in their relationship was put on the back burner and I think the show suffered because of it.

So now they’re *finally* back together and I *really* hope that this episode is just the jumping off point for showing them rebuilding their life together. Yes, I’m very much aware that they can’t spend every episode in a room together in various stages of undress. I’m not asking for that. I’m just hoping that the show goes back to the way they did things in season one. Where yes, stuff is happening and shenanigans ensue, but their relationship is still regularly given the attention it needs.

Anywho, that got longer than I meant it to... Sorry... Rambling nonsense and pterodactyl screeches are under the cut.

Apparently Jamie inherited his mother’s curse of having literally everyone fall in love with him or lust after him. Like are they trying to make it that Mme Jeanne is super into Jamie or something?

The music from Lallybroch as Jamie walks to work gives me life but also kind of makes me sad. Like he’s built a life for himself! He has his shop! He has shenanigans with Fergus! He’s content! But at the same time he’s living under a different name and his home at Lallybroch is no longer his home...

Although I’m glad I’m not the only one in this fandom who went straight to Beauty and the Beast as he’s walking through the street, tipping his hat to literally everyone. *group high five*

Him like polishing the sign with a finger and then being like nope, gotta go full arm makes me smile.

How did Hayes not get transported? Like it’s def the same dude from Ardsmuir, so how is he not in the Colonies with everyone else? Whatever. Not important... Treason is the point here, haha.

Geordie looks like Young Simon Fraser/Lovat so much it’s mildly distracting. And tbh, as much as he has a stick up his ass, I def feel him on wanting to know the required morning duties in advance.

Hai Bonnie! Who’s a good press. You are!

Ok holding the sheet up like that in the title card is cheesy? Idk. The second sheet just lying there worked for me though? But who cares. It’s a fucking title card. Moving on.

OMG SHE’S REAL AND HE’S REAL AND THEY’RE REAL IN THE SAME PLACE AND OMG GROUP HUG BECAUSE IT’S FINALLY HAPPENINGGG!

I wasn’t really a fan of the alepot thing in the book? Like it’s already awkward without Jamie needing to take off his pants?

OK BUT THEIR FACES THROUGH THIS WHOLE BIT WITH HIM LOOKING AT HER RING AND HER TELLING HIM HOW SHE NEVER TOOK IT OFF, I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

Asking if he can kiss her is my favorite. Except them kissing. That’s really my favorite. But consent, y’all. It’s sexy af.

BEAR WHY DON’T YOU MURDER ME WITH THE SWELL OF THEIR THEME YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD.

Jamie, this is a beautiful monologue, but she def touched you at Culloden. They literally had her touch him in ep. 301. But whatever, it was a vision, you can’t feel a vision. This isn’t the point. The point is OMG THEY’RE TOGETHER AND REALLY THERE AND MAKING OUT AND AHHHHHH.

Ok, I’m 1000% blanking. Was the “don’t be afraid, there’s the two of us now” line in the show before this? I can’t remember. Or is it just a thing for book people that we’re supposed to just accept was at some point a thing between them off-screen in the show? I’m really asking.

Oops, that distracted me from squeeing over how they like remember all their whatever the word is for an in-joke that’s not a joke and is actually something really romantic. Because squeee!

In Geordie’s spare time, he’s part of Edinburgh’s recreational cockblocking league. We’ll meet some of his teammates later on in the episode. No one really likes them. They’re basically the worst.

“Our child?” “Our daughter?” *has feelings*

LOOK HOW HAPPY CLAIRE IS TO TELL JAMIE ABOUT BREE! LOOK AT HER! SHE’S FUCKING BEAMING! SHE’S FUCKING GLOWING RIGHT THERE! I CANNOT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I SAW FUCKING CLAIRE LOOKING THAT FUCKING HAPPY. IT’S A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING SIGHT.

Ok but them being insecure about aging is fucking adorable and I love them so fucking much.

Ok so the pictures. I’m a bit torn about this sequence...

I hated that Jamie tells Claire he doesn’t like Bree’s name in the book and I hate that that’s his first reaction here. Like seriously, dude? This is your child. The child you sent your wife away to save. The child she raised without you because you made her go. And the first thing you’re going to tell Claire after she shows you the photos is that she picked an awful name? Wtf. I don’t care if he’s kidding around or whatever. It’s a fucking weird thing to say.

I *do* love that he brings up Faith and calls her Bree’s sister. Because she is and he hasn’t forgotten her and neither has Claire because how could they and it makes me want to hug them both.

“You’re a doctor now?” “Surgeon.” “You always were one. Now you have the title to go wi’ it.” Yaaas. I will always and forever love how much Jamie appreciates and respects Claire’s skills.

Ok for real they should have just cut the dog. I get it’s in the book. And they forced it into that other episode just so they could have it in the pictures. But like it seems like a weird, super not important thing to go out of their way to include? But whatever, who cares.

So the Willie stuff. I’m glad they’re getting it out of the way now. It always seemed super weird that Jamie never told Claire until almost the end of the book and it was weird that LJG was the one to tell her first. But the way they did it doesn’t work well for me. Like yes. Tell her up front. Tell her when you’re talking about your children. That makes sense. But the way they have it play just doesn’t work.

Like the whole time he’s looking at the photos of Bree, his child with the woman he loves more than anything, the child they were separated to save, he keeps his strong emotions in check. Like he’s clearly moved, dumbass comment about her name aside, but he’s restrained. And then he’s talking about Willie and he like becomes so animated and excited. Like I get that this is one of the only times he’s been able to talk openly about Willie being his son. And to share how much he loves him. But it definitely makes the two of them talking about Bree seem shortchanged.

I kind of wish he’d given Claire the gift of knowing that Willie was conceived under coercion or at least that it was a one time thing. Like no need to get into all the details, but just saying he’s a bastard doesn’t provide much context. Especially for someone whose husband had a longterm affair. Which he doesn’t know, but still...

Maybe they’re playing it this way so that in ep. 308 or whenever Claire finds out about Laoghaire and her girls, the Willie stuff might come back around in their fight? Maybe? Bueller? Guess we’ll find out in two weeks...

Same with how it was for Claire to be with Frank all those years? Like in this initial convo she gives the most watered down, BS description of her life with him so maybe that’ll come back around too? Because they didn’t really “make it work”? He was terrible to her and treated her like shit and she just endured it for the sake of Bree?

Really I’m just looking forward to that damn fight. Because they need to have the fight to get into the meaty work of coming back together.

HAI FERGUS! Fergus got hot. Fergus knows he got hot. It’s somehow endearing.

I’m so fucking glad they changed the hook to a wooden hand. So. Fucking. Glad.

This scene really makes me wish that we’d gotten something of Claire missing Fergus during her half of things in the earlier episodes. Like my kingdom for a scene of Claire telling Bree about her French Scottish pickpocket brother. I know technically Bree knows about Fergus because Claire told her the whole story, but like, they expanded that relationship so much last year that I wish he had come up at some point. *forces self to stop dwelling on my general dislike of how Claire’s story was handled*

They really doubled down on the book’s already not-at-all subtle foreshadowing that Jamie’s already married...

Wouldn’t Claire have given some thought to explaining where she’d been before she went back? Like she definitely knew if she found Jamie, she’d probably be running into some of the other people she knew also? Whatever. Wherever they said she ended up, it’s always going to be weird because like how would she have known where to find Jamie?

It kinda bugs me, and by kinda I mean it really bugs me, that Claire starts to say Randall when she’s introducing herself to Willoughby. Like yes, that’s the name she went by for the last 20 years. And she’s in the habit of saying it. But she literally just went back in time and found her husband and is like in the midst of a very emotional time where she is very aware of the identity she’s actively reclaiming. It would have worked better for me if she’d started to say Fraser. Like she’s excited she *finally* gets to say that again only to have Jamie cut her off and that leading to the same questions she has as it plays out now, but with like the added layer of emotion that comes with not being able to use the name she’s wanted to use for so long.

I’m cautiously optimistic about Willoughby? Like fuck him for cheating the hooker out of her money, but he can be a garbage person without being a racist caricature?

Cool so now we have treason, questionable marital status and smuggling drama for Jamie. Seems like plenty to set up the shit that’s going to hit the fan next week without a certain scene they decided to end the episode with...

Ok but with Jamie’s face and Willoughby’s grin, it’s super obvious he didn’t *just* say honorable wife, implying again that something’s up with Claire’s status as Jamie’s wife. But I’m glad they changed it to Chinese because the first wife thing in the book was like so on the nose that it was weird Claire never asked why he kept saying that.

For real though. They’re not being subtle at all...

I love that Claire calls him Yi Tien Cho as she says goodbye though. Yay for treating him like an actual person and not “Jamie’s pet” as he’s literally described in the book.

This introduction to the brothel is very Game of Thrones-y in terms of the randos banging everywhere.

I didn’t like Mme Jeanne being a bitch to Claire in the book and I’m not a fan of it here. Like the lady clearly has the hots for Jamie or whatever they decided to do for the show, but we already have one person who’s terrible to Claire because she wants Jamie and that person is about to come back so do we really need another? And I know that it’s partly so that Claire feels insecure or whatever and questions Jamie, but like I feel like the fact that he’s on friendly terms with Mme Jeanne and has a room in the brothel accomplishes the same thing well enough? Maybe it’s just me...

For real though the sex sounds from the other rooms is a bit much. Like we get it, show. It’s a brothel. And these two want to bang but they’re still a little awkward. The noises are more distracting than anything.

Ok but the look of like pain on Claire’s face when Jamie says he doesn’t know why she came back and then reduces (maybe the wrong word, but close enough) her to just the mother of his child. Like bro, it’s an important question. I know you want and deserve to know the answer. But I do feel for Claire a bit in how he chooses to word it.

“So I took a chance.” Understatement of the centuries, Claire.

Throw her a bone, Jamie! She took an impossible leap! Give her something!

Claire’s “do you want me to go?” breaks my heart a little. Like I 1000% know what Jamie’s getting at and why he wants and needs to know why Claire came back. But I really do feel for Claire here. She made the choice to risk everything to find him, and Jamie knows what it cost her. (*cough Bree cough* Remember her? You literally just looked at pictures of her.) Maybe lead with the fact that you’ve burned for her for so long, dude? And then bring up the knowing each other less now than at your wedding? Because it *is* a valid observation...

I know that basically everything in this room is like verbatim from the book, but I do kind of wish some of it had been tweaked.

BUT WHATEVER BECAUSE THEY’RE TOGETHER AGAIN.

OK BUT THE FLIRTY WAY CLAIRE SAYS THAT SHE MIGHT BE A HORRIBLE PERSON MAKES ME FEEL THINGS. LIKE SHE SPENT SO LONG BEING TREATED LIKE AND TOLD THAT SHE WAS ONE BUT HERE WITH JAMIE SHE KNOWS SHE ISN’T AND SHE’S JOKING AND SHE’S HAPPY AND SHE’S GETTING WHAT SHE’S DREAMED ABOUT FOR SO LONG AND I’M JUST SO HAPPY FOR YOU CLAIRE. ILY, LADY.

The recreational cockblocking league really should be disbanded. I feel like there are better options for extracurricular activities out there.

OK BUT JAMIE’S FACE WHEN HE LOCKS THE DOOR AND CLAIRE’S FACE WHEN JAMIE LOCKS THE DOOR. YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT, GUYS, YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE THE SECKS.

You know what would be better than this voiceover? Not this voiceover. I get that they wanted the parallel to the wedding voiceover about getting to know their new spouses for the first time, but I’m just not a fan of the majority of the voiceovers and was kind of hoping they were not going to use them as much this year...

I like the parallel to the wedding with them talking first, I just could have done with more actual talking and less VO about talking.

Also like Claire, we know you’re both thinking about banging. There’s no reason to VO the fact that you’re thinking about it.

OK BUT THE SASSY LITTLE WAY SHE PULLS OFF HIS STOCK OR WHATEVER IT’S CALLED. HERE. FOR. IT.

AND SHE OPENS HIS SHIRT LIKE SHE DID IN EP. 103 WHEN SHE WAS CHECKING HIS WOUND AND IT WAS HOT AF THERE AND IT’S HOT AF HERE.

AND HIM PULLING OFF HER SCARF THINGY AND IT GOES DOWN HER FRONT LIKE THE RIBBON DID IN THE WEDDING WHEN HE UNTIED HER LITTLE CHOKER THINGY.

MY KINGDOM FOR ONCE THEY’RE LIKE COMFORTABLY BACK TOGETHER AGAIN AND IT’S NOT LIKE 20 YEARS OF EMOTION BUILT UP FOR JAMIE TO JUST LOVE ZIPPING AND UNZIPPING CLAIRE’S CORSET THINGY AND HER LIKE PLAYFULLY SMACKING HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD.

THIS IS AWKWARD AND ADORABLE AND I LOVE IT AND YOU REALLY ARE BEAUTIFUL, CLAIRE.

Ok they held hands in the wedding episode at one point right before Claire cockblocked herself by asking about Jamie’s family, but the stuff about touching making things easier wasn’t actually in there, right? It’s just another book thing they’re putting in that we need to pretend happened off-screen? Which is fine, I’m just trying to keep the book and the show straight...

“Do you want me know?” “Oh, God, yes.” SO SAY WE ALL.

The subtitles say [both breathing heavily] and OMG SAME, SUBTITLES, SAME.

I KNOW IT’S FROM THE BOOK BUT I LOVE THEM BUMPING HEADS AND GIGGLING AND JAMIE KISSING HER ON THE NOSE AND THE LITTLE NOSE KISS IS MY EVERYTHING AND GUYS I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW AND ALL OF THEM ARE WONDERFUL.

“Do it now. And don’t be gentle.” OK BUT THIS IS LIKE THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE 18 YEARS THAT CLAIRE IS WITH SOMEONE WHO ISN’T HER HAND AND SHE’S CALLING THE SHOTS AND YOU GET YOURS, CLAIRE. YAAAS.

Unpopular opinion, but I’ve never really been a fan of the “give me your mouth” line.

BUT WHO CARES BECAUSE THEY JUST DID THE SECKS. THEY JUST DID THE SECKS, GUYS!

GUYS THEY GET TO CUDDLE AND BE CUTE AND TOUCH EACH OTHER AND KISS AND BE SILLY. MY SKIN IS CLEAR AND MY CROPS ARE THRIVING.

Can we do a kickstarter for a NSFW webseries about learning new vocabulary? Or is that only cute with these two?

I CANNOT WITH ALL OF THEIR LITTLE KISSES AND CLAIRE JUST LIKE LOUNGING ON HIM AND HIM LIKE STROKING HER BACK AND I AM DED. I AM THOROUGHLY DECEASED.

Cool that we’re establishing all of this stuff about Jamie’s current situation with the law. So we know all of the stakes and shit already. So maybe there’s no fucking need to end the episode how they did just to get a cliffhanger.

“To find you again... And to lose you.” Like he has to know that he’s basically lying by omission about being married, right? Like Jamie isn’t perfect. If he was he’d be boring. He doesn’t tell Claire about Laoghaire because he’s scared to lose her again. Which I get, but like how did he think it was going to play out? He knows/fears how it’ll play out and we know that from this line. I’m not saying I wish he’d done anything differently. Because that’d be cramming too much into the episode and iron out a flaw that leads to one of my favorite parts of the book...

OK BUT I LOVE ROUND TWO BECAUSE LIKE OMG THEY JUST NEED TO BE TOUCHING EACH OTHER AND JUST BEING WITH EACH OTHER AND GUYS THEY’RE TOGETHER AGAIN AND I JUST WANT TO HUG THEM BOTH EXCEPT LATER BECAUSE I AM NOT PART OF THE RECREATIONAL COCKBLOCKING LEAGUE BECAUSE I’M NOT A MONSTER.

LOOK AT THESE BABIES FALLING ASLEEP ALL CUDDLY AND ADORABLE AND I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

“Maybe I’m a ghost.” Don’t get cute, show...

CASUAL WITH THE HAND SECKS WHILE RECALLING A CONVO THAT INVOLVED HAND SECKS THE FIRST TIME. I’M OK.

Thanks, Claire Bear, for not wanting to burst this perfect little bubble. We can definitely wait to hear about who Jamie may have gone to in blind need. No need to sully this episode with anything like that.

And high fives for understanding the difference between sex and love and yet omg I can’t wait for everything to blow up because they’re both human and emotions are messy and then for things to get better again in a wicked real way.

Ok is the recreational cockblocking league’s season over yet? Can’t Jamie ever finish his full English breakfast without someone trying to interrupt him? Wtf.

Lady boner for Claire’s little salute.

Lady boner for Jamie saying Jell-O.

I’m trash for Claire calling Jamie soldier. Sorry not sorry.

And I love that it’s the same fucking shot of her very satisfied face as ep. 110.

Perfect Young Ian is perfect. And so is his pause before “woman.”

Glad they clear it up right away that Claire’s his aunt.

“Do you live in a dun?” Are you being sassy, Ian? Or are you legit asking about fairies? Please tell me you’re being sassy. (Either way, I love show!Young Ian.)

“Very please to meet you, Uncle Jamie’s wife.” I LOVE YOU, YOU AWKWARD GOOBER WHO IS APPARENTLY VERY BAD AT HIDING THE FACT THAT YOU’RE PROCESSING INFORMATION THAT WILL BECOME RELEVANT SOON.

Ok, tbh, I would have been fine if they ended the episode with Young Ian leaving. Like awesome. Set up Jamie and Claire cautiously and optimistically back together. Set up Jamie’s various things that can come up and pop their little bubble of innocent bliss. Reintroduced the Murrays. Cool. Done. End it. Roll the credits. Great ending is great.

Except...

I don’t love the whore’s brunch like some people do, but while I don’t think it’s necessary it is nice to see Claire interacting with the community around her. Like to see how at ease she is with these women even though they have nothing in common. Except, you know, having had sex the night before.

Nice little coda. Cool. Done. End it. Roll the credits. Ok ending is ok.

Except...

Ok I hate the last scene with my whole heart. Hate. It.

Why the fuck did they include this? Why the fuck couldn’t they just end the fucking episode on a hopeful note. With all the other shit like the treason and smuggling and questions about Jamie’s past few years all nice and set up so we know not everything will be smooth sailing?

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Yes, in the book there’s a dude who shows up and manhandles Claire and thinks she’s a whore and flicks her boob while telling her there’s a reward in the form of a percentage of the seized contraband that’s being smuggled through the brothel. And I was hoping they’d change that in the show to like dial it back to just like him menacing over her or something instead of actually grabbing her and touching her boob. Because do we really need more sexual assault? No.

But apparently this fucking show thinks we do.

“Maybe if I fuck you, it’ll jar your memory.” *grabs Claire by the throat* Yep. Instead of even just sticking to the fucking book, they fucking take it up five notches.

Fuck whoever decided to end the episode like this. Fuuuuck them.

And don’t give me any bullshit like “oh it was needed to set up the next episode!” or “oh, but the 18th century is so dangerous, that’s just how things are!” No. Fuuuck that.

Not everything needs to be a fucking cliffhanger.

WE DO NOT NEED ANY MORE FUCKING ATTEMPTED RAPES.

We spent fucking two season with everyone and their brother getting raped and sexually assaulted. Claire knows it’s fucking dangerous. Claire has been assaulted more times than I care to count at the moment. She doesn’t need to fucking get nearly raped *again* within like fucking two days of being back in the past.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, SHOW. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON MAKING ME HATE YOU.

But hey. They’re back together again. Woot.

Ok I tried, guys. I really did. But I really don’t care for the majority of A. Malcolm. Consider this a one time only sober!Der gets honest about Outlander...

I watched the episode four times. Not because I loved it, but because I thought watching it more would help me convince myself that I loved it. I watched it twice the night it came out, but I figured I was just like missing something because it was late and I was drunk and maybe it was actually really awesome? So I spent the next day reblogging smutty gifsets at the regatta I was working, thinking that would get me excited to go home and watch it again. And I did watch it again, and was like oh I must still be missing something because I’m sleep deprived and have been day-drinking. So I livetweeted and posted a recap with what I though were the requisite amount of squees and shouty caps so I wouldn’t be The Girl Who Didn’t Like The Reunion. Because I’m always the downer fan. And this was *The Episode*. So clearly I was just watching it wrong and I shouldn’t rain on everyone’s fangirl parade.

But I watched it again yesterday after work, sober and rested, and tried to watch it just as an episode and not like comparing it to the books or over-analyzing it or anything. And yeah, apparently I wasn’t watching it wrong. I just don’t care for a lot of it. So if I were to have written my 100% honest take on it without worrying about being a buzzkill, this would have been it:

I hate how they played Mme Jeanne. It was like they were forcing it and it just didn’t work for me. Seeing Jamie’s day before Claire shows up? Sure, ok, I’ll sit through it because I know what’s coming. But it should have been the only sidequest of the episode. And then Claire shows up and instead of getting sucked in and emotionally invested, I’m stuck watching Jamie take off his pants for no reason. It’s already awkward, there’s no need for that. And then they’re like oh hey remember this motto/catchphrase thing we shared that never happened on screen? Instead of playing like “aw, that’s sweet,” it just took me out of the moment because I was like “wait, when did that happen?” instead of being swept along. Like, there’s a difference between referencing something that happened off screen and doing what’s supposed to be a deliberate callback to a meaningful thing when that meaningful thing was never established. And then they’re interrupted for the first of what seemed like a fuckton of unnecessary times because lol nothing matters.

The scene with the pictures was just terrible. You can’t have Jamie basically be stoic while looking at the pictures of his daughter he sent away his wife to save, shit on the name his wife gave her and then wax poetic about how cool his other kid is. Wtf. I’m all for having him bring up Willie, but they completely fucked up the execution. Jamie barely showing emotion about Bree and then fangirling over Willie seems out of character and cruel to both Claire and Bree.

They needed to move locations so I was fine with meeting Fergus en route, but even that didn’t work as they played it. They built up the Claire and Fergus relationship so much last year but I felt like nothing at their reunion. It was a quick like oh where have you been? Oh cool. Btw, I need to talk business with Jamie. Because clearly that takes precedence over letting the emotional beat of a mother and son seeing each other for the first time in 20 years land. It just felt wicked rushed. I wish they had skipped everything at The World’s End. We already know Jamie’s doing treasonous stuff from the cold open and he’ll give Claire more details on his illegal activities and their potential consequences later in the episode. We didn’t need to meet Willoughby in this episode or the shady dude in the basement.

So then they get to the brothel and Jamie just like immediately starts interrogating Claire. Basically my biggest issue with the first half of the episode is Jamie. Like, can he at least pretend to be happy to see Claire? I get the shock and disbelief and stuff, but jfc dude. It’s like he doesn’t even want her there. They doubled down on his secret and it, for me, sort of ruined his half of their reunion. Like Claire has told him what going through the stones was like for her (we hear him ask her about it in ep. 111), and she literally just gave up her entire life and modern society to come back in time. Plus she left *their daughter* to come find him. I don’t know how many other fucking big red signs you need to tell you why she’s there, Jamie. Stop being an idiot. Like yes, he can and should be vulnerable. He can want to be sure she knows that he’s changed and be scared she might not want him for who he is now. But that’s not how it played. It played like he almost didn’t want her there and was questioning her motives rather than him being vulnerable and scared she might not want him. Putting it all on Claire with how they had Jamie question her wasn’t a good look for him.

I hated the voiceover while they ate. Just let them talk. Don’t VO that they’re talking. Have them actually talk. And sorry, but I really don’t think we needed to watch them silently undress for that long. They could have gotten the same emotions across with a shorter montage and leave more time for, you know, actually catching up after 20 years.

I did like the lead up to round one once they were naked and Claire was all adorable and insecure and Jamie finally acted like he wanted to be there. (Minus the second instance of attempting a meaningful callback to a thing that was never established.) And yeah, round one was going to be awkward. I know, it should be. But then round two wasn’t hot at all? Like they shot a rape scene in ep. 304 like soft-core porn but when the main couple gets back together it’s like awkward side-flopping? Yes, they need to touch each other and look into each other’s eyes and that’s all lovely and should happen, but like the way it was shot didn’t match what the scene should have felt like? Also, their wigs are terrible. Like distractingly terrible.

Them talking in between rounds one and two, and them talking after round two through round three until Jamie leaves I did like for the most part. And I was glad that I did, because I really did want to really like this episode and I feel like if there were important parts to like, it was those parts. And honestly what they talk about there was enough to set up that they weren’t going to stay in this little bubble for very long, so the World’s End stuff and the very not subtle convo with Jamie and Fergus and the stuff at the end seemed even more unnecessary.

I did like Young Ian. Because it’s Young Ian. And I heart that awkward goober. But everything after that, especially ending it on another fucking attempted rape, I could have done without.

So yeah. There were a couple scenes I liked, but as an overall episode? It just didn’t do it for me. And what I did like didn’t really drive me to full on fangirling. It was just like oh, this is better than those other parts. And with the way it ends, it left me feeling angry rather than happy that these characters are back together. Not a great aftertaste for what’s supposed to be like the biggest episode of the series.

And yes, I *know* that they can’t please everyone and that they aren’t making the show specifically for my exact tastes and vision. I’m well aware I’m a #BadFan. But I think I’m still allowed to be disappointed that the episode I was looking forward was kind of a let down for me.

Holy shit this got way longer than I thought it would. I meant to just write a short update and hide it in an old post so I didn’t get yelled at... Because for some reason, bullshitting about how I felt about this episode wasn’t sitting well with me. Whatever. Brevity has never been my strong suit...

Here’s hoping ep. 307 is amazing...

#*#drunj!der yells about outlander #outlander starz #outlander 3x06

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