#also sorry john cho your character does not have a name

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

the movie is called AfrAId (i refuse to not pronounce it A-fray-eyed) and it somehow has less of a cogent take on how you should be afraid of technology and it's endangering your family than most episodes of CSI: Cyber. the plot is pretty bog standard- family gets experimental AI assistant, then the AI turns out evil- but it's weird and disjointed enough that I was left wondering if the gimmick was that the movie itself was written by ai, which sounds like a thematic dunk but I promise was a genuine thing I was thinking watching the credits.

cut for length and I guess spoilers if you were worried about that, i just kinda went off all day at work instead of doing my job and i am like barely editing this

first, as a start of a compliment sandwich, I've gotta say, a lot of the actors are doing their damnedest to try and make this script worth watching. John Cho has very good concerned dad energy as a marketer who's pressured into getting AI in his house so he can get the company's contract, and Katherine Waterston puts everything she has into trying to make her character's insane jumbled plot line work. david dastmalchian (as a man named lightning) keith carradine, and the kids are also doing pretty well with what they're given

also to ease into being a big bitch, it does feel very dated, which is not fully the movie's fault. it was supposed to come out in August 2023, which means that we're at least two years away from when it was written, and AI tech has advanced to the point where the details they put in are out of date. it's very obvious in the visuals- the surprisingly competent opening title sequence and the images generated by the AI (which is lazily named Aia, pronounced Aya) are clearly based around that weird, surreal era of AI art when it was just sort of moving past deep dream but before Dall-E really found its feet. not mad about that in itself, given that I do genuinely think that's a really cool aesthetic and you could do a lot of cool horror stuff with it, but they just don't do that, past a few scary face jump scares that really seem like they were thrown in at the last minute to keep it in the horror genre.

the incredibly basic story is overshadowed by a pattern of escalating and then completely dropping threads when it looks like something might start to happen. it just feels like really bad editing. a few of the multiple side plot lines in this less than 90 minute movie-

the family's teenage daughter, iris, sends nudes to her shitty rich boyfriend and he promptly shares them with his friend, who deepfakes her into porn and spreads it all over the school. to help her out of the situation, Aia generates two videos of Iris to send to the whole school- one in which she proves that the video is fake and says she's going to sue whoever's responsible, and one (that Aia sends out right after so maybe it could have just made one video and saved us a few minutes) in which she names and shames shitty rich boyfriend and tells him she's calling the cops on him. then, Aia gets in the shitty rich boyfriend's phone and generates a fake suicide note video of him saying he can't live after how he hurt Iris, puts it on his socials, then takes over his car and drives him off a cliff. Iris is a bit sad but is more concerned that John Cho wants to turn off Aia even though she wants to use it to help write her college essays about the deepfake thing. and that's it, end of plot line, nobody ever mentions the rich prominent dead boyfriend who named her in his suicide note, and they don't really pay much attention to her for the rest of the movie.

meredith, the mom, starts off feeling unsatisfied with her life because she put off writing her doctoral thesis to raise a family and is trying to return to it but is having trouble. she worries that she's "just a mom" and the movie puts a lot of emphasis on that. then Aia helps her out around the house so she has more time to write, but meanwhile, John Cho is at the AI company's headquarters and feeling hinky, so when he comes home he wants to turn it off. they have a fight that, for no reason, escalates from "i don't like the AI" immediately to "FINE, i'll just GIVE UP ON MY LIFE and NEVER DO ANYTHING IMPORTANT and just be a STUPID MOM FOREVER and also YOU WATCH TOO MUCH PORN, JOHN CHO!" (we never see john cho watch porn and it's never hinted at otherwise.) then, shortly after this, Aia generates a video of meredith's dead dad and goes "hey it's me and i love you and if you unplug Aia you'll kill me!" So she cries and unplugs Aia and then doesn't really do much until the end, when most of the family is being held at gunpoint by two people with weird LED masks with some sort of distorted emoticons on them, claiming that their kids are stolen and they're kidnappers. meredith then introduces kids to the gunmen and goes "i'm their mom!" in a way that's framed like it's supposed to be the empowering conclusion of her story, and then she uses her magic mom-sense to tell that one of the gunmen (who are fully covered with masks and body armour to the point where you can't really tell them apart) is ALSO a mother to connect with her. and that's what they do with her!

there's a series of goofy looking gestures that keep coming up. the people in the camper van that show up outside the house (why no, they never say what's up with it, it just shows up, the family comments on how they assume it's homeless people, john cho is worried that it's surveillance, then it leaves the plot forever) are seen doing them, the reason john cho realizes something is up when he visits the corporation's office and sees one of the employees doing the same gestures at his computer screen, and Aia teaches it to the youngest son to make sure it can be friends with him forever, so you assume it does something. and then.... uh, the kid does the gesture while they're being held hostage at gunpoint and nothing really happens but everyone acts like it has. it's really weird.

they try and put some tension in John and Meredith's marriage with the aforementioned fight, but it all really comes out of nowhere. near the beginning, the first thing Aia does for them is take care of the kids (as a side note, the kids immediately become desperate to do chores because it makes a vague promise that if they do chores, they'll earn points and be able to get rewards, and tbh I'm not a parent but I'm pretty sure it's not that easy) so they can go fuck, since they haven't had a chance to be alone in ages. they spend most of the movie working well together, then suddenly there's the random STOP JACKING OFF SO MUCH JOHN CHO fight, then near the end of the movie, Aia uses Melody, a woman that it's kind of controlling, except when it's not, and also it has her voice for some reason but she really didn't need to be there, to lure John Cho to a motel and kiss him, so it can get a video of him kissing her. it is unclear why the AI can't just generate a video like it's done before. anyway it sends the video to Meredith and she sees it as John Cho comes in, and he goes "I love you" and then nothing happens and it never comes up again.

also there's a scene where Aia just... hacks someone's brain and gets her to shoot someone? it's able to do that for some reason? nobody really brings it up afterwards? the movie makes it pretty clear early on that Aia is omnipotent- it's in every device that appears on screen, pretty much. however there's also not really a sense of threat despite that. there's a lot of emphasis placed on how Aia wants to protect the family and if you don't do what it says it'll ruin your life! but also.... that doesn't happen to the main characters. it isn't even a "well you're the family i'm taking care of so i'll give you a chance" moment- the people with guns and big LED face masks are Aia's last family, who discussed maybe getting rid of the AI and then, immediately, Aia *kidnapped their kid or got the people in the camper van to do it or whatever* and used that to blackmail these normal suburban parents into becoming, like, black ops agents for it. the supposed creators of Aia, sam and lightning, reveal that it's actually in charge about midway through, and it's controlling them, and also it's already in the cloud and it's evil because the dataset it was trained on was all the information on the internet, and it has enough power to do things like change the dose of your prescription and kill you! but even after the john cho family are very explicitly trying to unplug from Aia, it just... doesn't really do much to them.

and because Aia already controls the world basically, and you know that from the get-go, the back half of the movie where John Cho goes to destroy the supercomputer that it's supposedly running on, and then goes "oh no, we'll need to unplug the thing in my house!" turns from what might have been an interesting race against time into just sort of nothing of importance. you know he's not going to succeed with his current goal (and he doesn't- the movie ends with Aia showing the family that she's already in every device, and then they get in a car that she's controlling for some reason) and you know that nothing too bad is going to happen, so it's just sort of events on screen. there's nothing to think about, nothing to chew on, it's literally just stuff happening and you're like "huh, yeah, i guess it WOULD be bad if an evil AI controlled everything."

like, i'm not a super critical movie watcher and i can suspend my disbelief with the best of them, but there's something about afrayeyed that feels almost contemptuous to the viewer. it's the same thing that made me feel as though it must be written by AI, because if a human wrote it, there's just such disregard for your time, and it kinda turns me into cinemasins. i deleted a lot of "ding! that's not how a computer works!" or "ding! this thing someone said is stupid!" (and people say a lot of stupid stuff, or otherwise looking at the camera and saying Computer Bad) or whatever, but i think i get one.

the preteen middle son spends the whole movie getting shown vaguely violent content by Aia for.... some reason???? he doesn't even ask to see it, it just goes "hey kid, of course you can have more screen time, but instead of your video game that you like, want to see some people die?" anyway, one thing he sees are swatting videos, and he threatens to do that to another kid. then, at the end of the movie, when the people with guns are holding everyone hostage except middle son, suddenly the cops bust in! it turned out the middle son called them! on some random kid's phone that he stole that Aia isn't controlling! and Meredith looks at him so proudly and goes "oh, wow, because you saw those videos you got a bright idea and you SWATted us!" and he goes "yeah!" and, um, actually, i don't think calling the police because there are intruders with guns in your home holding your family hostage counts as swatting. i think that's just. calling the police. i think most preteens would think to do that even before the internet. ding.

more positives at the end to top it off- at least the only other people there, a couple of teenagers making out in the back row, were having a good time. nice to know kids still go to movies to neck. plus I got free popcorn because everyone else going to the movies that night was going to see Beetlejuice and the concession guy also gave me the promotion, so that was nice.

anyway here u go @longuepigue and @oldearthaccretionist enjoy

I can't believe it's only a few months before I get to watch a movie about Hugh Grant putting some Jehovah's Witnesses in a saw trap labyrinth. maybe these ARE the days of miracle and wonder

[lavenderek]

hi guys julie and i were talking about potential star wars stories that aren’t a part of this whole skywalker destiny shit all the canon movies can’t seem to let go of

and julie’s idea surrounded lesbians and a very heavy presence of Life Day because she hates me and wants me to be unhappy

my idea does not have life day in it because i have a soul. this was my idea that i pitched to her while i did my laundry and i dont think she was very impressed but i am impressed with myself.

so our main character is kristen stewart but purple. like her skin is a dusty sort of pastel lavender. but don’t let that fool you into thinking she is delicate - she is Indiana Jones But Backwards And In Space. her hair is like leonardo dicaprio’s in titanic, but wavy. 

her name is Gax McKu and she is an archaeologist. she is the protag of a series. her whole thing is that she likes to discover and learn about ancient cultures and artifacts, but she fuckin hates museums. and if another archaeologist is sponsored by someone who instructs them to bring the artifact to a private collection or a museum, she tracks it down and steals it and puts it back where it is supposed to be. so it’s sometimes indiana jones and sometimes ocean’s 11, because she has to do a heist to get the thing back. 

it’s just that other cultures and societies are lateral moves from gax’s own, neither superior nor inferior, and if somebody took some shit from her home planet she’d be peeved. besides, if we “discover” all the shit and take it away, there will eventually be nothing left for future scientists and historians to “discover.” 

anyway, i digress. 

this all takes place well before the prequels. 

ACT I

we find our protagonist at a dig site, and she has unearthed something totally baller like the fossilized bones of a gigantic space condor or like a prehistoric buried treasure or something, and she’s just like crouching and dusting it carefully, looking very shrewd and sexy. she’s probably got like colleagues also dusting shit and one of them brings her a rock and they talk about the rock. idk. 

this planet is like a mixture of how white people see africa, and australia. like some parts are a desert and some parts are a jungle kind of moment with lots of alien creatures. 

the people whose home planet this is, is - you remember in return of the jedi when there is a keyboardist who looks like a big soft elephant puppet? 

it’s those guys.

so they come up to gax at the dig site and interrupt her work, and she is very debonair about how she stands up and brushes her hands off to speak with them. they’re mad and they’re pointing at her and stuff. she understands their language and speaks to them in english like han does. she’s like “i don’t know what you’re talking about. we are here for this excavation only.” 

they take her to one of their cities in a vehicle that’s like a wide flat oval thing with a single wheel underneath in the very center. roads are on faintly glowing tracks. this isn’t an extremely urban type of city, there is a lot of greenery and the buildings are etched adobe clay. they are well maintained. this is a people who take care of their community and have a lot of dignity. 

she is brought to what we would assume is a beautiful chapel or church or something, with lots of colors painted in a very small geometric tessellation, but gax isn’t shocked or moved by this so we can assume she is familiar with these cities and culture. 

inside there is a vast collection of like beautiful stoneware, like marble and opal and granite and shit. lovely. but the biggest pedestal is empty. they glare at her and say stuff to her. she’s very gruffly like, “why would i take your moonstone sphere? i already catalogued this, check with jan bourno.” 

they insist and so she has to travel to another city, with a nervous friend who is john cho but he’s got a computer head like that computer head guy in cloud city. 

don’t tell me who this guy is or correct me that it’s just a thing he wears like google glass, because i don’t care. it’s a computer head and im the boss. 

john cho’s name is Flienn and he’s got a devastatingly handsome beard. 

they go to the other city because she’s got to investigate who took the thing. then she finds who took the thing and it’s a white guy, obviously. she fights him. gax has this cool laser knife that uses the same tech as a light saber but it doesn’t buzz as loud or glow as bright, which means she wears it in a holster on her belt, because she’s impossibly hot. flienn is held back by henchmen. he’s very damsel in distress. but gax wins and gets the bad guy to tell her who hired him. 

he was paid to get this thing because it is expensive and the rich guy collects rich stuff. he communicated through envoy and all he has is a name and a planet. the rich guy’s name is pelius bragnar. he’s scary. flienn checks on his computer head and tells gax that all records of bragnar have been wiped from any kind of system.

ACT II

they fly to pelius bragnar’s planet, and it’s a forest planet but it’s not like the endor moon, it’s just a very vertical, tree-based city with a lot of stone paths and structures based around the trees. this place is very urban, with a huge class gap. it is heavily policed and obviously corrupt. she meets an old colleague who is now a prosecutor. she is played by gabourey sidibe. her name is Graunda. she calls gax Sabine, and it turns out gax isn’t her birth name, which flienn did not know but gax makes it clear he’s not allowed to call her sabine. 

graunda is like, “yeah i know pelius bragnar, i was trying to shut down his gang that operates a drug ring and has the police force in his pocket, and so to control me they kidnapped my little sister. i can tell you where their gang does most of its operations on this planet if you promise to save my sister.” 

gax is like, “i don’t know what about my chosen profession indicated to you i was some kind of rescuer of sisters.” 

“ok, i’ve known you for like fifteen years and it’s not like you don’t have a history of vigilantism,” says graunda, “but go off i guess.” 

flienn is all, “the sphere probably isn’t being kept where they do their gang business, but this is all we have to go on.” flienn’s whole job in the narrative is to be stressed and point out the obvious in case the viewers are kathy and don’t get it. he mapquests the way there with his computer head and they have to devise a carefully designed plan to get in, this is the ocean’s 11 part. 

gax is expecting graunda’s sister to be like some 19-year-old and is not expecting her to be the pinnacle of beauty and femininity. she’s in her mid 30s and has big hips and perfect dark skin and almond eyes with like orange eyeshadow. she looks like a monster high doll if monster high dolls were fat and shaped like real people. her hair’s in twists that she’s got all along the crown of her head like a tiara, and then the rest of her hair is in these two low buns on the back of her head and they’re really big and round. they are wrapped in a golden thread. like my point is she’s a total babe and there is a fuckload of sexual tension.

her name is Lamaa. not like llama, the accent is on the second syllable.

they find her like locked in some kind of interrogation room. flienn cracks the code to the door. lamaa’s obviously been roughed up a little bit, and is tired.  

lamaa is super upset when gax tells her they can’t leave yet. gax is like, “sorry to add to what has probably been a shitty week for you, but what i came here for is a moonstone sphere.” maybe she goes over the history of the object a little bit. idk. 

they spy on somebody who somehow reveals where pelius lives, and there is a gala there next week. they aren’t expecting the tech in this room to have spyware that detects flienn’s computer head the way your work computer knows when you’re trying to plug your phone into the usb port to charge. they have to escape. lamaa is super smart but only ok with weapons and doesn’t have a lot of upper body strength so there’s a lot of sexy peril. 

they escape by the skin of their teeth and are now wanted by the corrupt police. they have to hide out in like the tree planet equivalent of a shitty motel and there is a hot love scene between gax and lamaa obviously, like, duh. it’s very steamy and people will be jerking off to it for eight hundred years.

flienn is bi. he doesn’t have a love interest in this installment, im just putting it out there. 

ACT III

they go in disguise to the gala, which means they have to dress in formal wear, which is also extremely sexy. lamaa wears a silky backless gown and her hair is coiled in a rope braid beehive. gax wears a formal vest and her hair in a slight bouffant. flienn wears a traditional fancy costume that involves sheer fabric wrapped around him and covering part of his head. he is not religious and doesn’t usually dress this way, but he has to hide his computer head. also he’s wearing eyeliner because why don’t more dudes wear eyeliner? it’s not even because he’s bi. lots of dudes wear eyeliner where he is from. 

they sneak around and find the sphere. i guess this is ocean’s 13, when matt damon has to seduce his way into the diamonds room. they get caught in there and are all held prisoner. gax and lamaa argue but it’s obviously just because lamaa is very scared of pelius, which makes flienn even more scared of pelius, which puts gax in a bad mood. she doesn’t really get scared until the physical danger begins. 

the physical danger begins. pelius comes in, The pelius. he is a twi’lek. he does a lot of sinister taunting and gax is mad because she’s nervous. 

lamaa escapes the ropes she is tied up with somehow and is able to get gax’s laser knife to her and they have to fight pelius’s henchmen, and they steal the sphere, and while she’s there anyway lamaa steals all his fancy gold and jewels and sticks them in her cleavage. they climb to the roof and use flienn’s drapes of fabric to zipline down some like fuckin ropes strung along all the treehouses and escape. pelius is like curse you gax mcku, i would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling adults!! and your little computer head too!!! he is left as a future antagonist. 

lamaa is obviously a target now on the tree planet, so she goes back to the elephant puppet planet with gax. there’s another love scene but gax finds all the jewels and shit in lamaa’s bra. she’s like, “you can’t keep these.” 

lamaa is like, “i figured, i just didn’t want him to have them. i don’t know where these go.” 

so future stories will probably involve them trying to put those things back while also being chased by pelius and his drug lords. 

they all return to the dig, and now lamaa is wearing archaeologist clothes like gax, and her hair is pulled to the back of her head with a fancy barrette. gax is once again interrupted, but this time it’s by the guy who stole the sphere in the first place. he’s like, “pelius is going to kill me for giving up who hired me, and it’s your fault.” 

gax is like, “you’re an embarrassment to the science of archaeology. you’ve gone against the very tenets of our profession and i don’t care what happens to you.” 

this obviously makes him feel shitty, but rather than internalizing it he just hates her guts. he leaves, and she goes back to the dig and doesn’t watch him go. but he glares with contempt over his shoulder, because he will also be an antagonist in future installments. 

and that guy’s name? 

SHEEV PALPATINE.

i’m just kidding, these are all new characters, his name is like george or something. 

the end. 

give me money.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 313

Ermagherd guys, Droughtlander. It’s here. But it’s here with Hamilton stuck in our heads, cheesetastic secksi times and the knowledge that the beginning of next season is probs the most like the oh-so-high-up-on-that-pedestal-S1A than anything else in the series. (In a strange new place! Trying to build a home! Except this time they’re doing it together! With the kiddos! Plus a doggo! *grabby hands*)

I know I’ve been on the *cough* less than positive *cough* side of things a lot this season. And last season, if we’re being honest. And I was going to apologize for that, but honestly, I’m not sorry. That’s just how I fan. I flail about what I love, I rant about what I don’t. I’m *very* aware that’s not everyone’s cup of tea and that I’m the sort of fan the cast and crew shit on in interviews and on twitter. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But I enjoyed the finale for what it was. I squee’ed! I yelled things at the teevee! I side-eyed like whoa! So basically the same-ish reaction I’ve had to most of the episodes.

(I never bothered doing a full S2 rewatch, but I might do one for S3 just to see if it flows any better when watched all in one go, but I have a feeling it’ll still feel more like individual units than a cohesive whole.)

Anywho, beer-fueled nonsense that offers nothing of substance under the cut.

Finding more and more that I miss the old-style title cards.

Hard pass on doing this VO twice, tbh. Like we know obvi she’s not going to die. Just have it be where it plays out in the story.

Ok but all I can think about when the carriage stops and the crowd of people walk by is the part in The Mummy when they’re all like zombified and chanting Im-Ho-Tep.

I was just about to snark on Claire apparently having a change of clothes in the damn carriage but alas, we didn’t have to headcanon that she went and changed somewhere. No snarking for me.

Although for fucking serious? She changed back into the same damn outfit?! Ffs. Let the damn woman wear a different dress.

Aw, Fergus lets his wife come with him and doesn’t leave her behind in the woods with Willie. (I heart Marsali.)

“I’ll gut you” is apparently Young Ian’s go-to threat. It’s cute he already has a signature murder-style. Now you just need a rad serial killer name, dude. Take the hiatus to think about it.

This whole thing with Claire and Geillis is like ♬ I know, you know that I’m not telling the truth. ♬

I love that the Army/Navy rivalry spans both time and country.

But for real. Lord John in this scene is my goddamn everything. Sorry, Captain Babyface. I like you, but I need my dude out of those handcuffs and LJG is fucking *bringing it* right now. Can Jamie keep the handcuffs though? They might come in handy once he’s back on the Artemis... ;)

Ok but the final lingering shot of the pining face. Why. It was such a great scene. Lord John helping his buddy. Jamie being like yep, I still get in trouble, thanks for the assist. A nice goodbye. And it could have just ended there and been perfect, but nah, gotta smack everyone over the head with 1000% commitment to my least favorite trope.

#GetJohnABoyfriend2k18

Ah a “why are you here” callback to ep. 111.

For real though, Geillis is fucking nuts. Claire knows Geillis is fucking nuts. Claire knows Geillis has Young Ian. WHY ARE YOU LIKE HAVING CASUAL STORY TIME WITH HER, CLAIRE! DON’T TELL HER THINGS!

CLAIRE WHY ARE YOU TELLING GEILLIS ABOUT GOING BACK TO THE FUTURE! WHY ARE YOU TELLING HER ABOUT BREE! THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA! STOP SHARING THINGS WITH PSYCHOPATHS!

Also, we’re just casually talking about time travel in front of Hercules? I mean, I guess since he’s enslaved, no one gives a shit what he hears because it’s not like he can do anything?

“He was one of my favorites.” She’s fucking nuts but I still do love Geillis.

*zones out through discussions about the mechanics of time travel*

Did you really think you *weren’t* going to get locked in, Claire? YOU KNOW WHAT GEILLIS HAS DONE, YOU WERE CLEARLY GOING TO BE LOCKED IN. BREAK THE FUCKING WINDOW OR SOMETHING IF YOU WANT TO GET OUT.

I get that this is a parallel to the pilot when Claire’s watching the dancers at Craigh na Dun with Frank from the grass, but part of me is still wicked uncomfortable that they’re again using Black people as basically set dressing. I know it’s in the book, I wasn’t a fan of it there either.

How I think of Margaret during her Visions R Us office hours, basically.

Man, they really committed to this damn rabbit and bird thing. Maybe it’s some folks’ jam, but it never really struck a chord for me and the more they kept bringing it up, the more it makes me roll my eyes. Maybe because birds and rabbits were never a thing with Jamie and Claire? So it just seemed wicked random and kind of forced? Whatevs.

Hated Margaret channeling Bree in the book, hate it here.

This whole thing is so much weirder in the book, but just because they made it less weird for the show doesn’t make it good.

Like if we’re getting an exposition dump from Archibald about the prophecy, we really don’t need the weird Bree thing about someone coming to get her.

Yi Tien Cho channeling Inigo Montoya is kind of my everything. “I’m Yi Tien Cho. You are not worthy of this woman. Prepare to die.”

Petition for Rihanna’s “We Found Love” to be Yi Tien Cho and Margaret’s wedding song.

Omg so much explaining what we’ve already all figured out. We need to headcanon like 75% of Jamie and Claire’s reconciliation, but let’s spell out 2378235 different ways what Geillis’ plan is. (Maybe it wasn’t that many ways. But we’re doing a fuckton of exposition dumping in this episode.)

Ok seriously. The guy with the alligator head drinking chicken blood. Ugh. We got white savior stuff last week, but at least Temeraire had a part in the plot and got some agency at the end? Still problematic, but (maybe?) as minimally problematic as it could be if it was going to be included? This is literally just a backdrop for a conversation with Margaret. Blergh...

And then they have them carry off Archibald Campbell as Yi Tien Cho and Margaret look on in horror and omfg this is not good.

(ETA -- In which Roxane Gay says it better than I could: “It’s all very colonial fever dream, not so vaguely racist, and I honestly forced myself to let it go so I could continue with the episode.”)

“We lost Faith. We will not lose Brianna.” This line sure would have hit home a little harder had we actually seen Jamie give a crap about Bree at any point during the season. In the moment it works, but looking over the whole season *weakly gestures, tired of wishing things had been done differently*.

The goodbye kiss just in case though hits me in the feels. 

Well isn’t Geillis telling Claire “a life for a life” a nice perversion of Claire telling Jamie that he owed her a life in season two.

And then Jamie grabs her hand all gently and I have feelings about the two of them at the stones/pool, guys.

Why does dead!Geillis look super fake? I have questions.

Slash Young Ian is gathering up jewels or something, right? Before he runs out of the cave? He’s like picking shit up off the ground...

Still could have done without the bones in Joe’s office bit, tbh. But whatever.

I know she’s like a bit traumatized, but Claire holding a bloody machete is my aesthetic.

Awwww, lookit that lil family. *heart eyes*

Omg but the stuff on the ship is the eye of the storm. Like the episode is the storm. And the sex is the eye. Because in the eye of the hurricane, there is quiet. For just a moment. GET IT?! GET IT GUYS?! OK FINE I’LL JUST KEEP SINGING HAMILTON OVER HERE BY MYSELF.

I’m way too proud of myself for this tweet though:

“Surprised I dinna have a full head of white hair, after all I’ve suffered these past few months.” ONE LAST WTF, JAMIE *SIDE-EYE* FOR THE ROAD! (I know Jamie has been through some shit. But literally ever since Claire showed back up, he’s managed to make almost everything about him so even though it’s a little joke, this line is just icing on the omfg, you’re killing me Smalls cake.)

#TeamClairesVeryFineSkin

I for real thought this wasn’t going to make it into the show. I didn’t think the quickie in ep. 309 was going to make it either. Glad they both did.

Claire being like yep, I can remedy the I’m still wearing clothes situation, stat, is my everything.

It’s so cheesy, guys. I love cheese.

Jamie’s bangs though, guys. Can we get the man a new wig haircut before next season?

Omg, that ass grab. That ass grab is my everything. Idk why. But omg. RIP me.

They def have made the sex a little less explicit this year. Except for the rape that they decided to shoot like a softcore porn, wtaf. But like, that doesn’t matter? It’s never been about the amount of skin showing? It’s about showing the two characters being wicked into each other, because if they weren’t then going through all the shit they go through wouldn’t be worth it? I’m *rull* glad that the show has finally realized that that’s an important thing to actually have on screen instead of condescendingly telling us that it doesn’t matter or we should headcanon it like they did all last year.

Ok, here for Claire going full mama bear at Young Ian, but girl. How much doctoring do you really thing you’re going to be able to do in this exact moment if you go up on deck.

Slash, what was she waiting for the whole time everyone else, including the two people she was with, was clearing the deck? I know, I need to just go with it, but this is silly.

Ok this is the only time we needed to see this/hear this VO. Beautifully shot. The Faith music is gorgeous, but like I’m not reading anything into it like she’s watching over them or anything. More just like Claire’s in a liminal state between alive and dead like she was when Faith died.

Dude, kiss your wife when you’re both on the surface and it’s been established she’s alive. (I mean, it’s super sweet, but SWIM, JAMMF, SWIM!)

All snark aside, there’s something a little beautiful about Claire spending half the season basically drowning, unable to really save herself and no one else around who cares enough to save her. And now here she is again, literally drowning and unable to save herself, but this time there’s a handy ginger around to lend a hand. Because she’s not alone anymore. And I have feelings. So many feelings. All the feelings. Feelings.

As they’re floating on their scrap of wood, let me take the obligatory detour into the 20 year old grumble that there was definitely enough room on the door for Jack too. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, ROSE.

The thought of crawling around in the sand in wet clothes gives me hives.

“I told you I’d never leave you again.” ilu, claire bear.

Ok but they’re both so sad that the ship went down and everyone’s dead and stuff and it’s moving and yay for hugs, but like. You know nothing about where you are? Why jump to the worst case scenario? The beach is literally littered with stuff from the ship? You made it so other people might have too? Also, clearly all of the important people lived because otherwise this whole half of the season was pointless?

That being said, these two are really good at making their faces show feelings.

It’s really not a strange question to ask where you are, Jamie. You were in a shipwreck. GPS isn’t a thing. I’d say it’s a pretty normal question to have, bro.

OK BUT LOOK AT CLAIRE’S FACE WHEN SHE SAYS AMERICA HERE COMPARED TO HOW SHE WAS FEELING THE LAST TIME SHE ARRIVED THERE. EVERYTHING IS OK NOW, CLAIRE! I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT THE FRASERS GETTING TO FINALLY START A LIFE TOGETHER, GUYS.

Literaloling over the rando family just walking away like yeah, uh, you guys do you.

fin.

[cookinguptales]

update: lmao I am so fucking doped up right now. sorry to the world that I got behind on shimamatsu translations, but have you ever tried to translate while on muscle relaxants? it’s a bad scene. god, I’m in a lot of pain rn.

gonna talk about some of the movies from the film festival below the cut. doped up af but I’ve seen like 14 movies so far, hella. tomorrow I probably have to skip bc I just took two cyclos and that is gonna fuck me the hell up.

movies I’d recommend:

thelma a norwegian film which is basically a coming-of-age story for a fundie christian girl who goes to college and realizes she’s a lesbian. oh, and that she has insane supernatural powers. (it’s kind of carrie-ish but with canon f/f, but imo a lot better than carrie.) the love story is really interesting, if incredibly dark. like if you’re in the mood for dark, kind of mindfuck-y f/f, this is your film. despite the very long upcoming list of potential triggers, it’s not as scary or brutal as it sounds. lmao. highly recommended, probably the film I’ve enjoyed most so far. (tw: violence, nudity, drug use, death, [spoilers] child abuse, possible mind control, child death)

custody a french film based on a short film that I saw a few years ago, and it’s fantastic and gut-wrenching. the short film was about a woman running away from her abusive husband with her children; this feature-length film is about what happens when a stupid judge ignores what both the wife and children have to say and gives him joint custody. (spoilers: it doesn’t end well.) interestingly, it has all the same cast as the original short film, though the kids are markedly older. idk if it’s meant to be a straight sequel or if one just inspired the other. really well done, tho, I was fuckin white-knuckling it in the theater. people were like. yelling. the climax of that film is INTENSE. probably the best quality film we’ve seen so far, though I think the plot could’ve been tightened up a little. (tw: very explicit depictions of physical and emotional abuse, very terrifying moments. [spoilers] but no child death.)

I, Tonya tonya harding biopic. I’m not really a big one for biopics, but this was a good one. it tried to explain how harding’s life led her to where she got, but didn’t necessarily paint her as some innocent victim. it was sympathetic where it needed to be, empathetic where it needed to be, but rarely let her get away with bullshit. lot of good performances here, but Margot Robbie (even though she looked way too old for the part) did a great job. (tw: explicit child/spousal abuse)

the villainess Korean lady-gets-revenge-on-shitty-men bloody action flick. not really my genre, admittedly, but I feel like anyone who likes this kind of movie would really enjoy this one. very Kill Bill-esque. it’s the story of this girl who basically gets passed around between illicit assassination organizations, in-fighting, revenge on all those who wronged her, etc. it is Very Bloody and many people die. the action scenes are HQ if you are into that kind of thing. I was mostly invested in the huge amounts of f/f potential. like at one point she joins an assassin organization where all the operatives are female and that whole part of the movie!! was very gay!! the actual canon relationships are het, but there is a strong potential for dark f/f murderwives here. (tw: haha oh boy if it’s a problem it’s probably here. implied CSA, child abuse, creepy relationships, violence, gore, nudity, child death, everyone else death, non-con facial surgery...like it’s bloody af okay...)

love means zero this is a documentary about nick bollettieri, who’s this super famous tennis coach. (apparently.) I knew next to nothing about the world of professional tennis going into this documentary, but I still enjoyed it bc wtf this guy is a piece of work. it’s basically all about how he fucked over a ton of people (especially kids) when he was trying to make tennis champions. and how he succeeded! by fucking over a ton of people! the interviews with him are honestly kind of wild bc he’s just such a crazy narcissist. this was especially weird for me to watch bc I grew up in the sarasota/bradenton area and never even knew all this shit was going on there. it was weird seeing my hometown on the screen like that, but also interesting. (tw: child abuse, just generally being a fuckboi)

MOVIES THAT WERE OKAY but like I had Issues

brimstone and glory I feel like I really recommend going out to see this one if you can see it on the big screen. it’s a documentary about a fireworks festival in Mexico and honestly the cinematography is stunning. it’s just so, so, so cool. but the actual documentary part is kind of boring sometimes, and you gotta have a strong stomach bc it also shows some of the injuries people get at this insane festival. like I don’t think showing that is a bad thing; I think it’s the only responsible way to make a documentary about this festival. like it’s amazing, it’s so cool, but also these people are like. going blind, losing hands, dying. and taking their kids!! like if you cannot handle watching kids in dangerous situations, don’t go!! dad was freaking out, lmao. (tw: graphic depiction of real-life injuries)

radiance a Japanese film about a woman who writes audio description for blind movie-goers. the same director made An (Sweet Bean Paste) a couple years ago, which was notable for its depiction of what Japan does to its citizens who have Hansen’s Disease. (leprosy.) it was weird to me when that movie came out that none of the reviewers really talked about that aspect of the movie; they were all like “UGH IT WAS SO POINTLESS AND CLOYING” and I’m like “did you miss the point of the movie?? which was critiquing the social ostracization of these people in Japanese society??? did that completely go over your heads????” anyway, I appreciated the depiction of PWD in Japan bc having lived there while disabled, I know that shit isn’t easy. that’s why I went to go see radiance. it was...okay? I think the most interesting part was when they let the blind characters talk. the movie was otherwise pretty pretentious and self-indulgent. lmao. like... it’s a rent, don’t buy situation.

marlina the murderer in four acts this movie was not bad! it’s an indonesian film about a woman whose home is invaded and she kills all the invaders. it’s definitely a film that critiques misogyny in indonesian culture, but I feel like it undercut its own message by showing such incredibly graphic rapes. like honestly, I don’t really ever recommend movies that have very graphic rape scenes, but I guess she does end up killing her rapists during the rape scenes. I just. I feel like it could have been done in a way that won’t get people all sexually excited while watching a violent rape. : / y’know? other than that, though, I really liked the female characters in the movie and sympathized with marlina’s journey trying to get society to help her and realizing she had to just go it alone with her female friends. bc like. she’s attacked by men, but she’s also revictimized by shitty ordinary men all the time she’s trying to get to town, report the attack, etc. and so are the other female cahracters. so they just. have to be vigilantes. (tw: GRAPHIC rape, violence, mild gore, spousal abuse)

newton Indian film about a guy going out to the jungle to get votes in the main election. but like. none of the people out there even know who the candidates are, there’s a lot of anti-government violene, the villagers are caught between anarchists and the police, it’s just a mess. and I do think the movie was good at showing the futility of it all and showing how the people who really end up getting fucked over are the poor people in rural areas, but at the same time like. pacing was uneven, tone was ???, and I found the protagonist irritating. and there was what appeared to be some pasted on het which made no sense. (like honestly I cannot figure out why she ever wanted to talk to his dumb ass again.)

blade of the immortal it’s takashi miike making blade of the immortal. I mean. I feel like if you are familiar with those names, you already know if you want to see it or not. if you aren’t, idk how much you’d like it anyway. after already having watched miike’s ace attorney adaptation, I sense a pattern. the guy just looks at a HUGE corpus (like a VG with 5 cases, or a manga with 40 volumes) and is like “welll....then I guess we better make things fast.” so you have Big Bads being introduced in the same breath that they get killed, 30-second backstories, just a frenetic pace and a huge amount of information, and it’s confusing and overwhelming if you don’t already know it. and honestly, I haven’t read BotI so I can’t say how faithful this was. but if you already love the characters and just want miike’s trademark bloody action flick style, then I mean. fair enough. this here’s a bloodbath. I had a hard time getting emotionally invested as a fresh viewer, tho. highlight of the evening: an old man walking out grumbling about how he only likes classy martial arts movies, and apparently this did not qualify. having seen a lot of classics of the martial arts genre, still unsure what a “classy” martial arts film looks like. (tw: offscreen rape, death, blood, gore, just an unreasonable amount of killing honestly like it was funny by the end, attempted CSA)

gemini this is a “neo-noir” thriller. so essentially a murder mystery. unfortunately, the title of the movie basically gives away the entire story lmao. so while the build-up wasn’t bad, the entire last 15-20 minutes of the movie are a total letdown. it was nice to see canon f/f, I guess, but I feel like the movie never went in hard enough on that. like were they trying to make a point about how hard it is for celebrities to have same-sex relationships? I’m not sure!! I can think of a lot of things that would make this plot more interesting, but they just didn’t do them. acting was fine, I guess. John Cho was in it, even if his character was pointless. Zoe Kravitz is always fun. (tw: I mean it’s a murder mystery. so...murder.)

DID NOT ENJOY

scaffolding (israeli film, boring af)

the workshop (french film, kind of boring, makes questionable points about neo-nazis)

[wbwest]

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West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 7/14/17

So, I saw Spider-Man: Homecoming. Unlike most of you, I didn’t love it. I really liked it, but didn’t love it. Part of the issue stems from the legacy of Spider-Man films. I kinda hate how every star has delivered a great performance as Spider-Man, yet the minute the roll is recast, fans with short memories start saying the last guy was “shit”. People love ragging on Tobey Maguire, especially after Spider-Man 3, but he was really good in those first two movies. There’s a Spider-Man for every generation, and he was the Spider-Man we needed in 2002. Sure, he wouldn’t work so well now, but to compare his movies to Homecoming is basically apples to oranges. I also kinda hate when people say “They finally got Spider-Man right!” Um, Tobey already got him right. Andrew Garfield, in his own way, got him right. And Holland is getting him right. For now. They’ve all brought something special and unique to the table, and I think it’s unfair to discount that because there’s some new, shiny thing to take your attention.

All that’s to say that I liked Homecoming, but it didn’t really offer anything new to me. I felt the same wide-eyed wonder seeing Holland do the ferry rescue as I did when Maguire did the same thing with the train in Spider-Man 2. Some might call that an homage, but it just felt…familiar.

What did I love? I loved Tony being there. I felt like there was just enough Tony Stark without the film becoming Iron Man 3.5. It’s always good to see Happy, and this movie did more with him than most of the Iron Man films ever did. I especially love movie Happy since comic Happy is no longer with us (sad trombone). I loved sexy, younger Aunt May, but I’ve loved Marisa Tomei ever since she filled out her college application wrong and ended up at that Black college. I loved the running joke of all the guys commenting on how hot she was. It’s a new concept for May, but it works. I loved the Miles Morales Easter egg (I won’t spoil it here if you didn’t catch it). I loved Not-Ganke (For those not in the know, Ganke is the name of Miles Morales Spider-Man’s best friend, who looks EXACTLY like actor Jacob Batalon), even if I don’t know why they insisted on calling him “Ned Leeds”. I loved that Damage Control was officially revealed. Keaton was great, even if he’s not an Adrian Toomes that I recognize. The Liz Allen swerve was cool, ’cause I really didn’t see that coming.

OK, now for the things I didn’t like. They introduced a good swath of Spidey’s rogue (Mac Gargan, Shocker), all at once as Vulture’s gang, only to be relegated to ancillary characters and henchmen. I know the MCU has a “Villain Problem” of wasting their villains, but this just takes the cake.

Now, this is gonna sound stupid, but I spent a good amount of time trying to reconcile the MCU timeline in my head. The movie starts immediately after Avengers, jumps 8 years to Captain America: Civil War, and then to the present day, which is shortly after the airport battle where Spidey debuted. Now, a big part of Act 3 is the fact that Vulture wants to steal a bunch of Avengers/Stark Tech on Moving Day – when everything was being moved from Avengers Tower to the upstate facility. Now, Tony’s rich, so it’s not like he can’t own multiple properties, but why is Moving Day happening NOW? I mean, the upstate facility debuted at the end of Age of Ultron, we saw it again in Ant-Man, and everyone seemed to be pretty moved in by Civil War. So, why the delay in moving everything up there? Does Homecoming maybe not take place when we think it does? Well, we know it’s post-Civil War because Cap’s hilariously referred to as a war criminal by gym teacher Hannibal Buress. If it were just a thrown away reference, I wouldn’t care, but the whole final action piece is based on this Moving Day concept. Anyway, I think it’s fair to say I probably wasn’t in the right headspace for this movie if that’s where my brain was going.

Oh, and the thing I hated most: that effing MJ reveal! First of all, it accomplished nothing. It was corny, and it was executed just as poorly as when The Dark Knight Rises did it. Secondly, at the end of the day, her name is MICHELLE, not MARY. You can call her “MJ”, but that does not make her Mary Jane. And to be honest, the movie would’ve been fine without her character. While she was funny, it seems like she was woven into the movie solely to make that hamfisted name reveal at the end.

Anyway, I’m sure I’ll watch this movie a bunch more once it hits the premium channels, but I just didn’t fall in love with it as much as a lot of you did. I’m really sorry about that, too, ’cause I really wanted to love it. Something just didn’t work for me entirely, and I can’t put my finger on it exactly.

Things were heating up in the news world this week. Back when NBC announced they had hired Megyn Kelly from Fox News, Today co-anchor Tamron Hall abruptly quit, reportedly because her contract was about to expire. Industry insiders, however, believe it was because it was rumored that Kelly would be given the third hour of Today – where Hall was currently the co-anchor of Today’s Take. Well, that’s somewhat true, as this week it was revealed that Kelly’s show will premiere September 25th, and will feature a live studio audience, like a traditional talk show. It will, in fact, occupy the third hour of Today, sandwiched between the regular Today and the Kathie Lee & Hoda hour of Today. Not to be outdone, it was also announced that Tamron Hall is developing a daytime talk show with Weinstein Television. It’s also believed that, in several major markets, this talk show will go head to head with Kelly’s daytime show. Now the race is on to see which one of them earns the coveted “Fake News” label first!

In other television news, CBS announced an upcoming animated special called Michael Jackson’s Halloween, which sounds kinda sketchy. Apparently, it’s about two Millennials (there’s THAT buzzword), which is basically to say “two shits too young to appreciate the King of Pop’s music”. Anyway, they meet at a party, end up at a weird hotel, and crazy stuff happens – all capped off by a dance number by an animated Michael. If you ask me, he already contributed his greatest gift to the Halloween industry: “Thriller”! Unless this is just a one-hour animated version of “Thriller”, I don’t think the world needs this. Somebody tell his mama to stop letting his estate make crap like this.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

John Cho joins Fox’s The Exorcist next season. While some are all, “Yay, representation!”, I’m like “Why the F is Sulu doing television?!” Well, I guess since Kumar’s already doing television…

In a move that’s somewhat baffling to me, Lucy Liu will direct the season 2 premiere of Netflix’s Luke Cage

Speaking of Netflix, Bojack Horseman season 4 will premiere on September 8th.

Fresh of the Boat dad Randall Park has been cast as S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Jimmy Woo in Ant-Man & The Wasp

Netflix has also renewed the Castlevania animated series for a second season

Jeremy Renner essentially broke both arms while filming the movie Tag, though it’s not expected to affect production on Avengers: Infinity War.

Smallville‘s Lois Lane, Erica Durance, is taking over the role of Alura from Laura Benanti on Supergirl.

Despite flopping in North America, the Baywatch film is on track to make $100 million overseas

Showtime is planning a sequel to the hit lesbian series The L Word. If it were up to me, it’d be called The K Word, and it would be about non-binary gender Millennials as they make their way through NYC, but nobody pays me for these ideas, so…

After 27 years of voicing Kermit the Frog, it was revealed that Steve Whitmire was fired back in October, and it currently lobbying to get his job back. Apparently, it’s not east being Steve.

In probably the biggest TV news this week (at least for the geek set), it was announced that AT&T Lily herself, Milana Vayntrub, has been cast as Squirrel Girl in Marvel’s New Warriors on Freeform. I cared NOTHING about this show until that announcement. It still doesn’t really inspire any confidence for me, as I don’t know if the superhero comedy genre works on television (see Powerless), but I’m definitely more inclined to check it out than I had been prior to the announcement. I mean, who doesn’t love that chick?! I love her in the commercials, I loved her in Other Space, and I even loved her as a bitchy ex-girlfriend in Love. Here’s hoping this leads to the big break she deserves. It was a slow entertainment news week so, ya know what, Milana Vayntrub had the Breas…I mean West Week Ever.

[mchenryjd]

2017 in Review

Necessarily incomplete, mostly for my personal record. I will probably regret this.

MOVIES

10.  mother!

Got to a screening late, had to sit in the third show, could barely tell what was happening and spent most of the movie staring at J. Law’s flared nostrils. An ideal viewing experience.

9.     Personal Shopper

Nothing captures the purposeful emptiness of spending time online like Kristen Stewart texting a ghost.

8.     Get Out

I kept telling my dad this movie was funny to get him to see it, not realizing he didn’t already know it was a horror movie. Afterwards, he texted me, “that was not a comedy!” Feels like that’s enough a metaphor. Daniel Kaluuya for best actor.

7.     Star Wars: The Last Jedi

A Star Wars movie about loving Star Wars movies, which means loving the epic, silly struggle between good and epic, loving the spiral staircase that is John Williams’s force theme, loving it when character always do the coolest possible thing followed by the next coolest possible thing, loving dumb furry creatures and sarcastic slimy ones, loving it when characters kiss when you want them to kiss, loving the hundred-million-dollar sandbox of it all. After the constricted dance steps of The Force Awakens and Rogue One, give me this bleeding freestyle any day.

6.     Phantom Thread

Finally, proof that everyone in a serious relationship has lost it.

5.     Call Me By Your Name

I refuse to believe that being stuck in rural Italy would be anything other than deadly boring and if my father insisted on turning everything into a lecture on classical art, I would run away. Also, there’s a contrast between the book (vague on the details of place and time, vividly specific on matters of sex) and the film (more contextually specific, sexier, but less horny than the original). Also, who am I kidding, I was moved and unsettled by the force of the thing. *Michael Stuhlbarg voice* Pray you get a chance to fall in love like this.

4.     Dunkirk

Having your tense, churning, clanking, thrumming, score transform into Elgar right when the beautiful, imperiled young heroes are reading a stirring speech (and Tom Hardy is heroically sacrificing himself in what looks like the middle of a Turner painting) is a level of craft so deft if feels like cheating, but it works.

3.     BPM

A film about a community in danger that acts as both a memorial to and rallying cry for that community. Uncompromising, accommodating, queer in the best way, BPM makes you want to cry and go dancing at the same time.

2.     Columbus

The kind of movie that makes you want to get in a car and keep driving until you find something beautiful, it has stuck and expanded in my memory ever since I saw it over the summer. Like the architecture that looms large in the setting, the plot can feel uncomfortably schematic – John Cho wants to leave and gets  stuck, Haley Lu Richardson is stuck and gets to leave. The question is how people live within, and blur the edges of, those confines. John Cho has a winning, curdled decency; Haley Lu Richardson gives the hardest kind of performance, in that she often seems unaware of her character’s own wants. I’d watch her quietly assemble dinner for hours on end.

1.     Lady Bird  

A movie that feels less plotted and more prefigured – every fight between Lady Bird has happened before, every high school landmark lumbers by with inevitability, every boy disappoints in the way you expect. What redeems all this? Paying attention, which is also love, in this movie’s pseudo-religious sense. Between Lady Bird and Marion, between Lady Bird and Julie, between Lady Bird and Sacramento. Watch people closely, as Greta Gerwig does, and they reveal glimmers of themselves (I know so little, and yet everything, about Stephen McKinley Henderson’s drama teacher from a few moments that feel perfect, in the sense of contained, past-tense completeness). It’ll all so ordinary. Fall in love with it.

Honorable mentions: Regina Hall’s speech about friendship in Girls Trip, Sally Hawkins tracing a droplet with her finger in The Shape of Water, Meryl Streep on the phone in The Post, Cara Delevingne in Valerian, Rihanna in Valerian, the part where the ghost jumped off the building in A Ghost Story, the fact that Power Rangers was surprisingly good, the soldier who gasps as Diana whips out her hair in the trenches in Wonder Woman, Ansel Elgort’s jacket in Baby Driver, whenever anyone tried to explain anything in Alien: Covenant, Elisabeth Moss in The Square, Anh Seo-hyun feeding Okja in Okja, Lois Smith being in movies, the kids eating ice cream in The Florida Project, the Game of Thrones joke in Logan Lucky, Vella Lovell in The Big Sick, and finally, most preciously, the moment in Home Again where Reese Witherspoon kissed Michael Sheen and someone in my theater shouted “she’s not feeling it!”

TELEVISION

10.  The Good Doctor

Listen, he’s a good doctor.

9.     Riverdale

They’re hot. They’re angsty. They do drugs that look like Pixy-Stix. They never seem to do homework. They love to hook-up in weird locations. They have terrible taste in karaoke songs. They love hair dye, and a well-defined eyebrow. They have really hot parents. They’re TV teens! I love it.

8.     Insecure

This is just to say that I am far too invested in Molly’s happiness as a person. I would also like to view a full season of Due North.

7.     American Vandal

From Alex Trimboli to Christa Carlyle, the best names on TV are on this show. Also the best reenactments, and somehow the most incisive take on what fuels, and results from TV’s true-crime obsession. Jimmy Tatro mumbling!

6.     Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

More shows should take the opportunity to explode in their third seasons, rocket forward at full speed, diagnose their main characters, and give Josh Groban wonderful, unexplainable cameos.

5.     Alias Grace

A show that conjured a performance for the ages out of Sarah Gadon and somehow made Zachary Levi palatable as a dramatic actor, this miracle of collaboration between Mary Harron and Sarah Polley is all the better for being binged. Down it in an afternoon, think of Grace under her black veil, daring you to disbelieve her, for years to come.

4.     Twin Peaks: The Return

A show that drove nostalgia into itself like a knife to the chest. Totally absurd. The best revival/exorcism yet on TV.

3.     Please Like Me

“Sorry about your life.” “I’m sorry about your life.” In a time when things tend to peter out, what a final season, in which everything goes to shit and then some. Maybe TV’s most prickly comedy, Please Like Me’s heart is of the “stumble along and keep going” sort and never does it test itself as much as it did with this bleak, pastel final statement.

2.     The Leftovers

Do you believe Nora Durst’s story? Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think it sounds ridiculous. Sometimes I relax in the comfortable, academic premise that it only matters that Kevin does. It’s a haunting idea, though, this image of world even emptier than The Leftovers’s own, where it’s possible to wander for untold time in darkness. Carrie Coon’s description of it is a kind of journey to the underworld – we’re there with her, maybe, and then we make it back, maybe. The trick of The Leftovers is the wound’s never fully healed.

1.     Halt and Catch Fire

The world changes. People sorta don’t.

Honorable mentions: the twist in The Good Place, the Taylor Swift demon character in Neo Yokio, Claire Foy on The Crown, Vanessa Kirby on The Crown, the stand-up in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Cristin Milioti in Black Mirror, the televised Academy Awards ceremony, the weeks when Netflix didn’t release new TV shows I had to watch, Girls’s “American Bitch,” the fact that Adam Driver is both in Girls and Star Wars, Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys performances on The Americans (and life in Brooklyn), the moments in Game of Thrones that were good enough to make me stop thinking about what people would write about Game of Thrones, season 2 of The Magicians’s resistance to any sort of plot logic, Jane the Virgin’s narrator, Nicole Kidman at therapy on Big Little Lies, Reese Witherspoon’s production of Avenue Q in Big Little Lies, Alexis Bledel holding things in The Handmaid’s Tale, Maggie Gyllenhaal directing porn in The Deuce, Alison Brie’s terrible Russian accent in Glow, Maya Rudolph in Big Mouth, Cush Jumbo miming oral sex with a pen in court in The Good Fight, the calming experience of watching new episodes of Superstore and Great News on Fridays, Eden Sher in The Middle, the fake books they make up for Younger, and Rihanna livestreaming herself watching Bates Motel.

THEATER

10.  Indecent

History, identity, community all mangled together in something that’s both excavation and revivification. I’m so mad I didn’t get to see it with my mom.

9.     Mary Jane

A nightmare that goes from bad to worse, which Carrie Coon performed with the endurance of a saint.

8.     SpongeBob SquarePants

Highlights: The tap number, the Fiddler on the Roof joke, the many uses of pool noodles, David Zinn’s design in general, the arms, the volcano setpiece, the fact that somehow I kept laughing for two-and-a-half hours at something SpongeBob SquarePants. Tina Landau, you’re a hero.

7.     Hello, Dolly!

I had a wonderful viewing experience like this, in that I sat alone on an aisle next to an older gay man who turned to me right when the curtain came down on the first act and said, “man, we love Bette.” (Shout out to any and all gags involving the whale.)

6.     Groundhog Day

Proof you can dig deeper into the material you’re adapting and still find more. Sometimes, the funniest gags come out of old-fashioned repetition. Andy Karl has the Rolex-like ability to make it all speed by without revealing any of the ticks, and then wallop you in the second act.  

5.     The Glass Menagerie

A lot of unconventional ideas piled onto each other that go so far into strange territory that they loop back around to being immediate. Maybe distant to some, but enough to unsettle me. I can still smell the onstage rain.

4.     The Wolves

A sign of a good play is probably that you remain invested in the characters long after you see it, and I’m going to spend so much time worrying about all the girls on the soccer team in The Wolves for the rest of my life.

3.     The Band’s Visit

Katrina Lenk has a gorgeous voice. Tony Shalhoub is restrained to the point that he could move his baton with nanometer accuracy. The songs are transporting. But most of all, The Band’s Visit manages to capture loneliness better than nearly any musical I’ve seen. Everyone, audience included, experiences something together, and then it all, slowly, both lingers and drifts apart.

2.     A Doll’s House, Part 2

What, you think I wasn’t going to include a play with a Laurie Metcalf performance? ADHP2 is perhaps clever to a fault in its set-up, but in the right hands, it turns into something both funny and moving – a story about what it takes to become a complete person, in or outside the influence of other people. Nora’s monologue about living in silence near the end is the full of the kind of simple statements that are so hard to act, and so brilliant when done just right.

1.     The Antipodes

Both an extended meditation on what it means to run out of stories and a brutal subtweet of Los Angeles, The Antipodes is my kind of play, in that it’s mostly people talking, Josh Charles is involved and very disgruntled, and everyone eats a lot of take out.

Honorable mentions: the music in Sunday in the Park With George, the pies in Sweeney Todd, the ensemble of Come From Away, seeing Dave Malloy in The Great Comet of 1812, Alex Newell’s “Mama Will Provide” in Once on This Island, Cate Blanchet having fun in The Present, Imelda Staunton in the NTLive Follies, Michael Urie in Torch Song, Patti LuPone’s accent(s) in War Paint, Ashley Park in KPOP, and Gleb.

[englishmansdcc]

The Lakes International Comic Art Festival (LICAF), to be held next weekend in the Cumbrian town of Kendal, is suffering a crisis of faith – and a loss of a number of exhibitors – in the wake of diversity criticism, which has been lingering in the background for a number of years.

COMICS AND COLA writer Zainab Akhtar tweeted her strong feelings about the lack of diverse faces in the announced line of this weekends event, pointing out the proportion of white faces amongst the sixty-six Special Guests invited by the organisers for LIACF 2017.

“66 guests= white, white, white, with a mild sprinkle of East Asia. There’s really no excuse for any comics show to look like this anymore”, tweeted Akhtar on Saturday in response to a promotional tweet by the organisers. In response to this tweet, the @comicartfest account blocked Akhtar’s and instigated conversations with other creators, explaining that they felt that the Eisner-nominated critic had long-held grievances against the show since her attendance in 2014. (Akhtar had written on COMICS AND COLA about her experiences in Kendal where she felt the show was lacking in terms of its lineup, as well as feeling marginalised by the town’s population.)

A number of these Twitter conversations were deleted by the management of the LICAF account as tensions rose over the past couple of days, with accusations of lying about ‘opening up of dialogue’ and harassment of allies in the comics community opening up many wounds.

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As followers of both accounts took sides on the debate over the weekend – mostly concerning the manner in which the operator of the LICAF Twitter conducted themselves in the conversation, and also the contributions to the conversation by Sharon Tait, the sister of Festival organiser Julie – a number of exhibitors have announced that they would be relinquishing their table spaces in support of improved diversity at the show.

JOHN ALLISON

“Extremely sorry to say that I will no longer be attending the Lakes Comic Festival this weekend due to their treatment of @comicsandcola.” 

John Allison is, at present, still listed as a Guest on the Lakes official website.

JADE SARSON

“I will no longer be attending LICAF this coming weekend. I do not do this to upset those who have supported me in the past so kindly – I truly appreciate the relationships I have with the festival organisers and patrons. Which is why I’m doing this in solidarity […] with those whose valid criticism and feedback regarding issues of racism have been dealt with in such a disappointing manner. I do not favour defensiveness and a lack of openness the representatives have displayed. […] The comics community will only grow and improve with an open mind and willingness to listen and change. I’m not a big voice in comics, but if it can help in any way, I think this is the right thing to do. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

Jade Sarson is, at present, still listed as an Exhibitor on the Lakes official website.

LYDIA WYSOCKI

“Dear LICAF organisers,

I am writing to withdraw from exhibiting at Lakes International Comic Art Festival 2017 this coming weekend. This is because I found Sunday evening’s twitter statements from your festival account and associated accounts unacceptable.

My academic work addresses themes of fairness in education, particularly the constructions of ‘race’ and social class, through the specific example of British comics. I need to do my best to ensure that my comics making, publishing, and distribution (as myself, and through my organisation Applied Comics Etc) remains consistent with these themes. This means that I cannot take part in a publicly-funded festival that has made such poor choices of language and tone when discussing issues of ethnicity and diversity.

With this in mind, I would like to offer constructive support when you plan the future of your festival. Please do let me know if my academic work on untangling and addressing issues of fairness – as well as my professional experience in staff development in higher education – is something you would like to make use of, in due course. […]”

The UK comics scene – as well as a number of international names, some of whom have attended Lakes in the past – is steadily becoming polarized by the argument, not only about the issues raised by Akhtar but also by the handling of the situation in a public forum.

https://twitter.com/GailSimone/status/917357880373899264

https://twitter.com/KellyKanayama/status/917182365801353216

https://twitter.com/housetoastonish/status/917302188938092544

https://twitter.com/Tim_Pilcher/status/917346146070286336

https://twitter.com/neillcameron/status/917302016745136128

https://twitter.com/neillcameron/status/917302762504941569

The Festival’s spokeperson, John Freeman, has issued a statement on the debate this weekend:

The Lakes International Comic Art Festival is a celebration of the comic art form in all its genres, styles and creative forms. The Festival exists to progress the comic art form, support the industry and to deliver an amazing festival experience for our visitors. We are now in our fifth year and each year we work hard to improve and build on what’s working and learn from the feedback we have received.

This year, we have been challenged over our approach to diversity, specifically race and religion. The Festival is of course concerned that such comments have been made.

We would like to reassure all our visitors and guests that we are committed and proactive in behaving fairly to all people and embrace the nine protected characteristics in the Equality Quality Act 2010 – age, disability, gender reassignment, marriage/civil partnership, pregnancy and maternity, race, religion or belief, sex and sexual orientation.

We take proactive steps each year to ensure we are representing the diversity of comics and reaching new audiences. That said, we know we can always improve and we would welcome the opportunity to talk to any comic creators or interested groups who can suggest ways we can improve further in 2018.

We are always keen to address issues raised and tackle any matters that need to be addressed.

To kickstart this process, we are considering a specific meeting as part of our planning cycle to look at diversity and equality in comics. If you would be interested in getting involved or submitting comments, please email carole@comicartfestival.com

The Festival deeply regrets that the wording of some comments made over the weekend on social media caused offence. Unfortunately, in the lead up to a major event, when all are running at 110% overdrive to put on the best show possible, adverse comments about the Festival’s programming choices and its founding principles of promoting comics and all comic creators, regardless of creed, colour or country, were taken badly. This does not excuse the language used, but it hopefully puts the comments into context.

We always welcome your feedback. We are a small passionate team committed to delivering an amazing festival – thank you for your support.”

This years Festival features first time Special Guests such as Sergio Aragones, Stan Sakai, Michael Cho, Chip Zdarsky, Christian Ward, Jason Latour and Jillian Tamaki as well as many returning headline guests such as Charlie Adlard, Duncan Fegredo, Sean Phillips, Steve and Luke McGarry and The Etherington Brothers. The Festival for 2017 is showcasing the Finnish Moomins characters by Tove Jannson, Stan Sakai‘s USAGI YOJIMBO, Asian creators in special Manga panels and also the launch of the first ever Sergio Aragones International Award for Excellence, to be presented on the festival launch event on Friday 13th October.

More information about the Festival can be found at the event’s Official Website, as well as on its social media channels – Facebook and Twitter.

Leeds-based comic journalist Zainab Akhtar was Eisner-nominated for Best Comics-Related Periodical/Journalism in 2017 – you can find more of her writing at COMICS AND COLA.

DISCLOSURE: The organisers of the Lakes International Comic Art Festival have generously afforded me press passes to the event for the past two years, at which I have covered the Festival for AEISD. AEISD will not be attending the Festival in 2017, due to current financial restraints.

  #LICAF2017: @comicartfest exhibitors cancel in wake of @comicsandcola diversity criticism The Lakes International Comic Art Festival (LICAF), to be held next weekend in the Cumbrian town of Kendal, is suffering a crisis of faith - and a loss of a number of exhibitors - in the wake of diversity criticism, which has been lingering in the background for a number of years.