#also sorry for throwing the 'and mike does too' at the end bc this post is About Will but. yk what i mean

[basiltonpitch]

byler having sex could be extremely important to will's coming of age as a gay man.

hear me out.

(also - before anyone comes at me for sexualizing minors - i'm not saying i want an explicit sex scene. i don't! something like jancy's s2 fade to black would be more than enough for me.)

now back to the point:

will has heard his whole life how being gay is this disgusting, dirty, vile thing - from his father & from bullies at school. likely other adults around the town, as well, considering we hear troy referencing what his dad said about will being killed by "some other queer" in season 1. not to mention this story is set in the midst of the aids epidemic. i mean, he's from a small town in bumfuck indiana, he's no doubt heard his share of casual and overt homophobia throughout the years. (and then there's the alan turing poster in s4...) long story short, he's only heard negative things about being gay. about loving other boys and wanting other boys and desiring other boys.

but then there's mike. his best friend. the one person that makes him feel like he's not a mistake for being different. for being gay.

mike & will having sex, being intimate and together in a way will was always taught was gross and wrong, and learning that it isn't any of those things - will learning that loving mike and wanting mike and desiring mike is beautiful, and wonderful, and right - and having mike want him back, desire him back, learning that it's okay, it's good, continuing that arc of mike making him feel like he's not a mistake, that he's better for being different because he gets to have this with mike - he deserves that moment, i think. and mike does, too.

[lyrker]

1 n 3 n 19 n 31 n 50 for the oc asks !!!!

THIS GOT SO LONG IM SO SORRY HAVDJVS

1.First oc ever ?

I’m gonna have to pass this one to good ol’ Leader Decrose. I REFUSE to get into the backstory of how he came about, but in this old world I never dive in anymore, he’s like ? A refuge i suppose ? A set of four characters (including my self insert) were based on cards and his was the diamond.

3.Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else ?

Odd situation but I GUESS ?? There’s a few but one I like is named Polaris and they’re like. a dying star. And their big brother figure is Cyrus, aka cc who thought the key to transitioning was dismembering yourself and using dark magic on a lifesize frakenstein doll he made.

They work in a fucked up lab but like, fucked up as in goofy as hell. They’re so silly (:

19.Introduce a character that means a lot to you and why

*SLAMS JACE IN FRONT OF YOU* I love him an insane amount.

Jace Luong was away when the apocalypse striked, lost his daughter thag he blames himself for (but he could never save her anyway), accidentally shot a guy and had to step down from his military position, more for his mental sake than anything, ended up using his best friend, and that last one sounds so bad. and it is. But it is for this Reason that makes me shake him like GRRRR I LOVE YOU. WHY DID YOU DO THAT oh yeah i’m the author loll !!

Because the point of Jace is that. He wants to help so fucking bad but he keeps Messing It Up. He is not evil and I cannot say that enough—he is very “the means justifies the ends” but that does Not mean he doesn’t feel bad for using Noah as a lab rat. When Noah came back to KILL HIM he cried because someone Came Back For Him, even if it was to kill him.

I don’t wanna take up too much space but it’s because he’s not evil just severely fucked up from losing his daughter and the life of being in a world filled with zombies that he’s trying to rush to make some sort of cure, so he can save people, so that people can live again instead of just survive, but he goes about it in a horrible way that, honestly, was probably inevitable.

He’s special to me because he’s a fuck up, but he’s genuinely really really trying. He is not a good person, though.

(also if he was a tma avatar he would be of The Lonely or Eye and that’s so silly)

31.Pick an oc and explain what their Tumblr blog would look like.

I’m going to go with RAYNE because he probably DOES use Tumblr, knowing him. His layout is green but also he’s probably using the Goth/Rave color pallet because he thinks the colors are nice and he’s a 3 am user so that dark mode comes in handy. His pfp is like, his favorite pokémon but with a ditto face.

He reblogs pokemon stuff—screenshots, fanart, memes, etc and he’s Definitely gotten into discourse abt the best game. Also he’s totally a Nightvale listener so throw in some Nightvale posts. I think he reblogs a lot of shitpost art but also just art in general.

And of course, the occasional cat photo and tumblr trademark textposts.

50.Give me the good ol’ oc talk.

I WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT NOAH & CO. BUT I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THEM so here’s the MoMOF crew, named after the lemon demon song “Mask of my Own Face”

It’s a classic high schoolers sci fi horror story, think stranger things except without mike bc i hate him (did not finish watching stranger things)

Basically, six kids, Rayn, Rowan, Alex, Ash, Zach and Winston are friends ! Yippee ! Average middle/high schoolers.

And one night, Rayn and Rowan (dating) are just hanging out. Rowan is conked the fuck out at Rayn is gaming on his DS, and then he gets a text from Alex saying “Dude, why tf are you outside it’s like 2 am ???” and Rayn is confused outta his mind.

“Wdym i’m literally at home rn.”

Alex attaches a photo, a shot looking thru the blinds of their window of what looks to be Rayn.

Rayn sends a selfie back of the Charmander he just leveled up and Rowan fast asleep.

And it Can’t be him if he just sent that photo, because the beanie he always wears was handmade by Asher himself—whos this guy ?!?

naturally, they text everyone, everyone’s yelling in a vc and was NOT asleep like they should be, and Rayn gets the FANTASTIC idea to go and see who the person is. Alex is yelling that they will personally stab Rayn if he does.

He does anyway.

and they’re too far away now for Alex to see, but they’re watching their phones and when Rayn finally approaches the other Rayn the camera flips and it is missing Half Of It’s Face and then Rayn hangs up.

And they Cannot Find Him.

So for weeks they are searching for Rayn and are scared out of their wits about Why there were Two and they told the police, but they don’t believe them all too much.

But Rowan finds him one night, at the edge of the forest. Half of his face looks tk have been torn away and his hat and coat is gone and he looks run ragged but oh. Oh no.

That’s the real Rayn.

And it turns out, the Rayn they’d been staying with recently was a clone.

And he’s babbling about something, saying they “Can’t trust Winston”

And at the same time, Rowan gets a call. And Zach sounds like he’s running for his life, because Winston cannot talk, let alone sing, and Zach heard them whispering the lyrics to a song he doesn’t know, and ran for it.

So, while they found Rayn, they now don’t know where the real Winston is. And it’s kinda all about not trusting each other but also wanting to stay together because What If Someone Else Gets Taken, and they can’t trust anyone at All because they won’t believe them, and they could be more clones.

Other stuff happens; Ash is going kinda insane, Alex, as the eldest, feels like they have to be the parent of the group because god they’re falling apart and they can’t stand to see it, Zach doesn’t know if the things he’s catching on camera are real or not, and there’s also an almost murder and also arson !! Both by the kids (:

It’s a fun world i like to play around with because the kids dynamics are all super fun <3

[erectionsandtea]

Roller rink skate date headcanons! (poly party) insp. by this post, for @mike-wheeler-is-gay (I know you wanted byler specifically and I usually write poly party, but I tried to stick some extra byler in here for you, I hope I did it justice and that you like it!)

So many paragraphs this should really just be a fic, I'm sorry

- Mike is super tall and gangly is absolutely the worst skater in the party (tied only with Lucas, who put on his very first pair of skates and promptly fell on his face and they weren't even on the rink yet, they were still on the carpet area)

- the moment Mike steps into the actual skating floor, he falls bc he's tall gangly uncoordinated Mike, and Will is just standing there rolling his eyes, like "babe, you're a mess" but he doesn't mind bc it means he gets to hold Mike's hand (and hold Mike in general) while he helps his bf balance and skate

- and Mike is like "I don't deserve you, why are you even with me, I'm so awkward" (poor self deprecating bby), and you know Will would respond with "are you kidding, you're amazing, why are YOU with ME?" (also a self deprecating bby), but then he falls and pulls Will down with him (aka on top of him lol)

- and they laugh, and just as their lips touch, the moment is ruined by Max zooming in their direction screaming "get up before you get run over!!" And she manages to avoid them (being the zoomer that she is) but Lucas has to swerve and falls the fuck over ofc (luckily the rink isn't super crowded that day so nobody's in any real danger)

- and Dustin is looking at byler like "this isn't even that hard guys, come on, are you even trying??"

- El and Will have totally been going to the rink (sibling bonding yo) and everyone realizes that's how they got so good bc El is totally the best skater in the group

- except for Suzie who is a skating queen

- El and Suzie totally having races from one end of the rink to the other

- Max totally joining them and they let her win, just once

- Dustin joining them and after he wins twice in a row (pure luck), Max and El pretend cross his path and bump into him, totally fucking him up, and Dustin's just like "are you shitting me?" (but it's all in good fun, everyone knows that)

- El and Max holding hands as El helps her get better at skating, bc Max is decent on skates but better on her skateboard (bc how do you wheels on both feet separately ??) (like skiing vs snowboarding)

- byler doing that thing where holding hands facing each other, and Mike learning how to actually move his feet and skate forward, and that's propelling Will backward (and Will constantly throwing praise at him and Mike grinning so big bc he's doing it! lol)

- Will and Mike holding hands as they slowly skate around the edge of the rink

- Mike needing to stop a moment and grab the wall to keep himself up and steady, and Will coming around in front of him, his hands over Mike's,and they stand there all adorable and then kisses (except Mike has to duck down bc Will cannot stand on his tippy-toes in skates)

- eventually Mike is like "I need a break" (from falling and stuff, tho he has gotten better) and he goes to sit down

- and then El comes over to join him bc "you looked lonely" (he isn't really lonely, he just kind of has a resting bitch face sometimes, tell me I'm wrong, am I actually wrong tho ??)

- they sit together in silence, watching the rest of the group playing some weird skate-tag game (rules at the bottom)

- Mike is watching Will with a smile on his face, laughing and having fun, and he says to nobody, really "what did I ever do to deserve him?"

- El replies "probably whatever I did to deserve you" and they look at each other and smile and then cute lil Mileven kiss

- their hands reach over (cos they are sitting like RIGHT next to each other, no space)

- they continue to sit there, hands clasped, her head on his shoulder, watching the group and sometimes making comments to each other and laughing

- after a while Will comes over to check on his bf and sis) ("I don't know which is more bruised, my knees or my ego" -> Mike, "you're doing really well!" -> El), which is actually kind of nice for El bc she wants to go skate some more but she doesn't want to leave Mike by himself

- before she leaves tho, she wants a kiss, so still holding Mike's hand she gets up and wheels around to face him and grabs his other hand and is like "I want a kiss" bc she's just blunt like that (it's a good thing)

- and mike laughs at her bluntness bc SO CUTE, and so Mike gives her one of those super cute kisses where he puts his hands on the sides of her face, you know? And she has to balance herself by putting her hands on his knees (Sorry, I just had to get a Mileven kiss in here)

(so much detail in those moments ^ I'm...sorry?)

- so Will sits there with Mike, and they hold hands and share kisses and say cute sweet things to each other, and honestly they spend more time looking at each other than anyone/thing else

- Will goes and buys them one giant drink to share bc boys gotta stay hydrated (can someone please draw this or maybe ALL of this idk ??)

- the rest of the group annoys them (but not really) by hanging over the wall and saying "AWWW" super loud and making kissy faces

- and then El comes back over later and says "okay, that's enough sitting down, we're going back skating, come on" and she grabs Mike's hand and Will's hand and tries to pull them up but it's hard bc wheels (like she's about to slip and the boys have to grab her arms to catch her), but the boys comply and go back to the rink floor

- Dustin and Suzie can totally do skate-dancing, whatever that is (and they totally get applause)

- Max skating by everyone so many times and being like "zoomer!" and everyone is like "pls stop, we get it"

- Dustin trying to tell help Lucas how to skate by actually explaining how the skates and the rubber stoppers work, and Lucas not getting it and just being like "can you explain in English please??" And Dustin throws his hands up like "I fucking give up, you're hopeless"

- Max learns how to skate in a small circle (basically just turning around without stepping) and she's super fucking proud of herself and does it constantly

- Max eventually needs to be stopped by El and Lucas bc "babe, you're gonna get so dizzy" (you can decide who says that 😊) but it's too late bc she's already dizzy

- Lucas and El lead Max off the rink floor and she just immediately falls down to sit on the carpet bc so dizzy and El falls down next to her bc hand holding (she gets pulled), and Lucas sits down too

- the girls can't stop laughing and Lucas is looking at them like "tf is wrong with you guys?" (but not really), also he's just smiling at them and laughing with them bc goddamn they are so cute, his girlfriend is the most beautiful girl in the world and seeing her as she is right now just inflates his heart

- eventually Max can't stay upright so she lies back and El follows her and they are just lying there together (Max on her back, El on her side facing Max, no space), giggling so hard, they can't stop laughing for some reason (I think it's bc when one laughs, it makes the other laugh too)

- Max is like "you, boyfriend, kiss" and so Lucas complies

- an employee has to come over and say "you can't lie down here, it's a safety hazard" and Lucas is like "we're sorry, sir" and he's like "babe, we gotta move"

- so he gets the girls up and they bring max to a bench where she can sit, instead of sitting tho, she lies down again, on the bench with her head in El's lap, and then elmax kisses as El plays with her hair

- El and Max basically take over the bench that Mike and Will were sitting on, and they also steal the boys' giant drink (barely a quarter empty) cos hydration

- Will and Mike trying to kiss while not holding the wall, but fucking down AnD having his eyes closed throws Mike way off balance bc what a klutz, and then he falls and Will is fuckin laughing and he feels bad but also it's funny

- so then Will gets down too (more gracefully but lbr, anyone can be more graceful than Mike, without even trying) and is like "it's okay, we can do this here" and then sitting kisses

- El trying to help Mike but she's having too much fun and ends up just speeding around while Mike tries to catch up with her, and she has to keep going back for him

- Mike feeling kind of embarrassed bc his gf is amazing while his own skating is questionable, and he confides this to her and is like "why are you with me, I'm so clumsy and awkward" (self deprecating again), but El makes him feel better by telling him that she's with him bc she loves him and actually she thinks it's kind of cute that he's not that good at skating and she likes being the one who helps him for once (bc he's helped her for so long with so much)

- and then Mike gives her one of his lil mike-smiles (you know the one I mean, like the one right after he kisses her for the very first time, in season 1)

- and then a Mileven kiss, but Mike almost loses his balance again like he did with the byler kiss, but El can sense it's about to happen and has to break their kiss to hold him up (she's holding both his hands, fingers intertwined), but it's okay, they just smile at each other share a little laugh at the situation and how uncoordinated he is, and they scoot their skates really close together in a sort-of huh type thing

- arcade games after!! (But I'll put that in its own separate post 😄)

- rules to the weird skate-tag game: 1) the wall is the safe zone, but you can only stay there for 10 seconds at a time 2) you cannot untouch the wall for one second and then go back to touching it for 10 seconds, you have to actually leave the wall and skate (HOWEVER you can try to skate from the wall on one end of the rink to the wall at the other end) 3) you are allowed to skate around the edge while touching the wall, as long as you only do so for no more than 10 seconds 4) whoever is 'it' cannot hover around those on the wall 5) crashing into someone does not count as tagging them 6) no tag backs

~

I tried to get equal parts of all the ships in this one but I know I failed miserably, I'm so sorry lol (clearly you can tell who I ship the most)

If you want to add more (I will if I think of any), send me ideas, or request anything, please feel free! 😀👍🏻

[calumcest]

‘cause all of the stars are fading away (just try not to worry you’ll see them someday)

so i wrote this a while ago while looping stop crying your heart out with meg and sat on it for a bit bc i wasn’t sure whether i wanted to post it or not but y’know what. absolutely fuck it also i think? this is my first ever cashton fic that isnt a drabble like my first ever proper fic? isnt that exciting

@kaleidoscopeminds​ i think you know everything about this fic that you need to know already and i can’t be in sappy hours in the a/ns so all i’m going to say is in case you were under any illusions this is for you in every which way

Growing up isn’t easy. 

Nobody ever told him it would be. You’ll get hurt, his mum would say, eyes big and sad, and he’d shrug and say that’s life, not really understanding what she meant because he was yet to spend three nights in a row staring up at his ceiling, drunk and high and so miserable it somehow felt like everything and nothing at the same time. It’ll be difficult, his manager had warned, when they got their first tour with One Direction, and Ashton had shrugged and said isn’t everything?, not realising that what ‘difficult’ meant was sacrifice; his sleep, his home, his self, everything torn out at the roots and tossed aside for him to gather back into his arms again. 

The hardest part of growing up, though, isn’t when things happen to him, when someone breaks up with him or wakes him up two hours after he’s gone to bed or puts him on another plane six hours after he’s just got off one. The hardest part of growing up is when he looks around him and realises I’m not happy. 

It doesn’t hit him like a train, full-force to the face and leaving him no room for doubt. It comes piecemeal, comes in late-night conversations with Luke where he exhausts himself just to make sure Luke’s going to be okay until the morning, comes in brief flickers of clarity when he looks at himself in the mirror and thinks I don’t know who you are, comes in a moment where he walks past someone who smells like home and his heart, which he’d almost forgotten was still nestled somewhere in his chest, clenches and constricts. I’m overthinking it, he’ll tell himself, forcing down the panic that rises in his chest, or sometimes it’s just because I’m tired, or high, or on a comedown. It’ll pass. And it does, passes from his heart to his veins, from his veins to his lungs, but never strays any further from his core than that. 

So he just tries not to think about it, and most of the time, it works. Most of the time, he’s too drunk or high or tired to really think about it, for it to do anything more than thrum dully in his veins, buzzing below the surface. He tries to dampen it - never says no to a party, always says yes to a drink - but even when he’s laughing and dancing and grinning up at the ceiling of some dark, grimy nightclub in fuck knows where, it’s there with him, prickling at his skin like it’s trying to find a way to build a home under it. 

Being the oldest doesn’t help, either. It’s Ashton Luke turns to on a dark night, three lines deep and somehow still somewhere between a high and a comedown, and it’s Ashton Michael turns to after three nights with no sleep, exhausted and delirious and muttering I’m not worth it, I don’t deserve it nonsensically under his breath. Ashton has to shelve it, then, has to sit Luke down and let him use Ashton to counterbalance the coke, has to open his arms for Michael to crawl into and let him use Ashton to counterbalance the lack of sleep. He wonders whether Luke and Michael hear the deep breaths he takes to steady himself before he does, whether they know he’s using the air in his lungs to quell his own feelings, push himself down until he barely even remembers who he is besides their counterbalance. He wonders, if they know, whether they even care, whether what he needs matters to them at all.

Calum’s the only one who seems to get it, sort of. He never says anything, never offers any advice or commiseration or consolation, just sits next to Ashton wordlessly as he gets another line up his nose, or stands outside on the balcony at four in the morning while Ashton smokes all of Calum’s cigarettes, or lies next to him in bed while Ashton’s staring at the ceiling, fingers brushing against Ashton’s just to let him know he’s there. It’s something, Ashton thinks, as he’s relishing the bitter drip of the cocaine down his throat, or staring out at a city that isn’t home, or willing himself to cry while it’s still dark in the hotel room but unable to patch enough emotions together to form a single tear. It’s something, but it’s not quite enough to make Ashton feel like the pieces of himself will ever slot together in a way that fits.

And realistically, Ashton knows he can’t carry on like that indefinitely, can’t carry on catching brief glimpses of himself in shop windows and car doors and in Luke’s eyes and thinking I don’t know who that is, but what else is he supposed to do? Luke needs him, Michael needs him, and neither of them particularly seem to care what they’re doing to him. When Luke’s talking quietly, miserably, about missing home and his family and the fucking servo they used to hang out at when they had no money, and Ashton strokes his hair soothingly and says I know, and I’m sorry, he thinks what about me? D’you not think I miss home, my family, the fucking servo we used to hang out at when we had no money? When Michael’s mumbling incoherently into Ashton’s chest, something about not good enough and worthless, and Ashton presses a kiss to the top of his head and says you’re enough, Mike, you’re enough, he thinks what about me? Am I enough? They’ll smile at him brightly the next morning, throw him a quick sorry about last night, restored by all the energy Ashton’s given them, bleeding himself dry for just a few hours of their happiness, but they’ll never do anything more than that. It’s easy for them, easy to drain Ashton and hang around on the sidelines, bored, while he struggles to replenish himself only for them to get impatient and siphon off whatever he’s managed to get back again. But what else is Ashton supposed to do, leave them parched and gasping? 

What Luke and Michael don’t - or maybe won’t - see, Calum does. He sees the way Ashton zones out of conversations, the way he slumps on the sofa, the way he’ll close his eyes for a moment before plastering a smile on his face and cracking a joke. He always sighs, and usually gets that little crease between his eyes, but he says nothing.

He’d tried, once. You’re exhausting yourself, he’d said, passing his half-smoked cigarette to Ashton. Ashton had taken it, looked out at the light-polluted sky in front of them, and shrugged. Yeah, he’d thought, edged with bitterness. Who else is going to? 

See, that’s the thing about growing up. Ashton doesn’t have his mum seeing him exhausted and upset anymore, doesn’t have her around to march to his friends’ houses and tell their parents exactly what she thinks about how their kid is treating her son. He doesn’t have anyone to cradle him at night while he cries, no more home-cooked dinners brought to him in bed, no more trips to the supermarket for three tubs of ice cream. Nobody’s there to pick him up or to put him back together again, or to tell him when enough is enough. Nobody pulls the strings anymore; they were cut long ago, and Ashton’s only just starting to see the fraying threads. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” Ashton blurts to Calum one night, chain-smoking Calum’s cigarettes on the balcony of their hotel room. Calum doesn’t say anything at first, just hands him his next cigarette. “I can’t.” He doesn’t know whether Calum’s going to know what he means, doesn’t even know whether he wants to be saying it, but the words claw their way up his throat and out of his mouth before he has a chance to force them back down, a well-worn little dance between his head and what’s left of his heart. 

“You don’t have to,” Calum says, after a minute. He doesn’t, it’s true. It’s in Ashton’s hands, the decision to step away, to hold his hands up and say I’m not strong enough for this. But that would mean taking his life into his own hands, and Ashton’s not strong enough for that either. 

“Yeah, I do,” Ashton says, and Calum just sighs, and hands him the lighter. 

It’s not until Ashton’s almost finished the next cigarette that Calum speaks again. 

“What do you need?” 

It’s such a simple question, but it stops Ashton in his tracks. He spends all his time thinking I don’t want this, I need something else, there’s something missing, there’s something wrong, but when Calum picks up the other end of that thread of thoughts and asks what do you need? What can I give you? Ashton realises he doesn’t know.

He doesn’t know what he needs, he just knows that he needs something, something that isn’t this. And he doesn’t know what he wants, either, just knows that he wants something, something that isn’t this. He doesn’t fucking know anything, because he barely even knows who he is anymore, doesn’t know the hazel eyes that blink back at him in the mirror every morning, doesn’t know the curly hair he catches in the window of a passing bus. How is he supposed to know what will stitch the disparate parts of himself that he still has a hold of back together into something resembling Ashton Irwin when he doesn’t even know who Ashton Irwin is? 

“I don’t know,” he says eventually, and Calum hums, like he’s mulling the answer over in his mind. 

“Alright,” he says after a moment, like it’s okay that Ashton’s falling apart in front of him into too many shards to ever fit back together again, and hands Ashton another cigarette - there are only two more left, now - passing him the lighter along with it. Michael would probably frown at him if he knew, Ashton thinks, as he puts the cigarette between his lips, and Luke would whine and bitch and try and steal one of them off him, but Calum gets it. He gets that Ashton’s relishing the way his lungs are hot and burning from it, the way he’s choking from the inside out, revelling in the feeling of choking on something that isn’t himself, for once. He doesn’t like it - Ashton can see that in the way his lips are slightly down-turned, the glances he keeps sending Ashton out of the corner of his eyes - but he gets it. He always gets it, always knows when Ashton needs to be alone and when he needs to be with someone and when he needs to be high and when he needs to be sober, and Ashton’s never really thought too hard about it, but now he can’t help but wonder whether Calum gets it because he understands.

“Do you ever feel it?” Ashton asks. Calum looks at him for a moment, a little calculating, like he’s trying to work out just what Ashton means by that and how honest of an answer he should give, then looks out at whatever fucking city they’re in today, and shrugs. 

“Yeah, sometimes,” he says. 

“What do you do?” Calum shrugs again. 

“Let myself feel it,” he says. Ashton takes another drag of his cigarette, lets the words sink in with the nicotine. 

“Why?” Calum throws Ashton a look. 

“There’s nothing else I can do.” Ashton exhales heavily, watches the cloud of smoke as it turns from a plume into a mist between the two of them. He knows what Calum’s doing. He’s telling Ashton, as gently as he can, that it’s okay. And, Ashton thinks, he’s testing Ashton, challenging him to say you could repress it like me, seeing whether in the darkness and a few pints down he’ll admit to it. 

(But the city’s still lit up in front of them, and Ashton’s barely even tipsy.) 

“D’you think it’ll always be like this?” Ashton’s not even entirely sure what he’s asking. Will life always be this crazy, maybe, or will I always feel this way? 

“No,” Calum says, reaching for the pack of cigarettes again as Ashton stubs out the one he’s been smoking, and holds his hand out for another. He sounds so sure, so certain that things are going to get better somehow, and it makes the scraps of Ashton’s heart ache. 

“Are you just saying that to try and make me feel better?” Calum huffs out a laugh. 

“No,” he says again, a smile playing at his lips. “I’m saying it because it’s what you need to hear.” 

“What’s the difference?” 

“It’s not going to make you feel any better.” 

He’s right. It sort of makes Ashton’s stomach clench, the thought that things aren’t always going to be this way, because it means something’s got to change, and nothing will change until Ashton changes it. It’s comforting, in a way, knowing that he’s not always going to feel like this, but it’s equally as frightening as it is reassuring, because it means Ashton’s going to have to take a deep breath and step off the precipice he’s been hovering on for years, eyes wide open and still no idea where he’s going. 

But, Ashton realises, although his stomach is constricting and his heart has skipped a beat or two, he doesn’t feel any different. He doesn’t feel any more afraid, any more overwhelmed, doesn’t feel unsettled or like the weight pressing down on his chest has got any heavier. He doesn’t feel better, but he doesn’t feel worse, and that’s more than he’s ever had when allowing himself a peek into this abyss.

It doesn’t quite hit him so much as it nudges at him, knocking politely and waiting for him to answer the door. Ashton hadn’t known what he needed - still doesn’t know what he needs, doesn’t even know what he wants or where he wants to end up - but Calum had. Calum had found the right words, known exactly how to balance comfort and honesty, known where to draw the line and where to step over it. 

Ashton takes another long drag of the cigarette in his hands, watches it as it burns almost all the way down to the filter, and then stubs it out, lays the butt in the middle of his frankly impressive collection, and moves to the edge of the balcony, letting his forearms rest on the railing and his hands hang in the cool night air. Calum seems to sense that it’s a silent invitation, and steps forward to join him, arm pressing against Ashton’s when he leans forward over the balcony. 

Calum holds out the last cigarette, digs around in his pocket for the lighter Ashton had handed back to him after his last cigarette, that silent this might be my last after lighting every one that neither of them believed anyway, and holds it out in the palm of his hand for Ashton to take. Ashton puts the cigarette between his lips, but hesitates with his hand halfway to Calum’s. His lungs feel full, now, smoke and tar and something else, something Ashton can’t quite place but knows he doesn’t mind. 

Instead of pulling the lighter out of Calum’s hand, Ashton brings his fingers up and links them with Calum’s, squeezing their hands together. It’s a little uncomfortable, the lighter hard and still warm between the two of them, but Ashton doesn’t mind. It’s sort of grounding, in a way. 

What do you need? Calum had asked. 

You, Ashton’s saying, hand tightening around Calum’s. When Calum’s fingers curl around his own, warm and soft, thumb stroking gently over Ashton’s, Ashton knows what he’s saying. 

Okay. 

taglist: @callmeboatboy @sadistmichael @clumsyclifford @angel-cal @tirednotflirting @cthofficial @tigerteeff @haikucal @queer-5sos​ @i-am-wierd-always @stupidfuckimgspam​ @bloodyoathcal​ @pixiegrl​ @pxrxmoore​ @clumthood​ @another-lonely-heart​ @calumscalm​ 

if you’d like to be added to my taglist pls fill in this form!

[achieveandhunt]

live typing extra life 2019

warning: this a fucking LONG post. if you plan on reading it all, godspeed.

i typed all of this as it was happening on stream so this gets progressively less coherent as i grow more sleep deprived. prepare yourselves. i may or may not go off topic at some points

larry vehemently vomiting pure malic acid. we’re off to a great start

what the fuck the soggy ass popcorn in that ranch jesus christ

lindsay in the song from AH the musical. i love her so much

jeremy going YAAAAAAY after someone eats a cursed oreo

matt getting AGGRESSIVELY kissed by larry

“this kiss this kiss” before geoff and jack kiss

geoff “i’m from alabama” ramsey

THIS FUCKING RANCH SEGMENT HAS ME GAGGING

jeremy “the alcohol demon the whiskey goblin” dooley

alfredo “you wont believe what the white people did today” diaz

DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS GET THAT DICK ESSENCE

wait why does it sound like wonderwall

they look like characters from the matrix

the speaking parts. make my teeth hurt

in conclusion: they weren’t kidding abt the tight pants 

okay everyone get ready for eric soundboard spamming YEAH BABEY

“hi i’m from broadcast and i don’t want to be here” they represent themselves well

also, let’s take a second to appreciate broadcast here!! they have a really tough job and don’t get a ton of credit. lots of love to all of broadcast!!! you guys are awesome

i am: foreseeing problems with this eric sound board

which one is eric?? will the real eric please stand up?? was the real eric the one we found along the way??

“i’m... just really worried that i won’t ever find love-” “i really don’t care”

WHY DO THEY HAVE THAT ON THE SOUNDBOARD (what does that apply to? whatever it is you’re thinking of, but mostly “daddy wants some”)

ooh someone’s about to get a fReE tongue piercing from a pineapple

god dammit i went to the bathroom for thirty seconds and now they’re eating chad’s chest hair

owie the shock collar and belly slap look painful, but drinking natty light from a shoe? that’s a true punishment

“and this roast was brought to you by meundies”

ah yes what better way is there to end a segment than people throwing up

“man action” oh no

THROBERT MULVEINY

K A R B is blind in T W O of her eyes

“my last name is cottagecheese”

I HAVE A PIECE OF METAL SHOVED UP MY A S S 

chris has somehow managed to lose 23 years of age and roughly 412 pounds

“just open throat like baby bird” who the fuck is writing this and why is it jeremy

jon. jon you’re breathing in adam’s ass fumes

a summary of this segment: ass and cottage cheese

BARB IS HERE I REPEAT BARB IS HERE

“to fitness” -starts choking-

final fitness coach: tad, here to workout your issues so they can beat you into submission

“will you buy my wet” well i don’t see that on the raffle items

we’re back folks & i’m loving this walk around segment

moonball wall and gavin&michael will soon be reunited can we get an F in the chat

jeremy getting a borderlands tattoo is very on brand

what’s extra life without a little satan

“starvation army, putting lead back into paint, increasing childhood obesity” people in chat: TAKE MY MONEY

chris “i’m doing a different hole” demarais

ah yes. the game we all play in hell: twister

nobody edit chris getting mustard shot down his throat. i’m scarred enough from the original clip

oh fuck. oh god. the mayo. oh god what the fuck is up with the misuse of condiments this year

this just in: a human soul costs roughly $12,700

D̷��̯̆̈́͝Õ̸̲͎̥̬͈̬̙͕̲G̸̢̧̠͉͚̙̲̙̓̔̀̇S̷̥̀́͆̈́̇̀ ̶̣̞̗͚̬̭̖̦͇̈́̎̈́̿̓̈́͆̒̋D̷̙̟̩̫͉̺̐̊̚Ö̶̥́̋́̓ͅĜ̵̞̌͋̏̉̌̕͝͝S̵̤̹̣̫̮̻͛̍̑̕͝͝ ̷̧̨̞̙̥̟̜͍̉̍̑̏̇̀̾D̴̻̮̩̯͓͉̖͎̘͐̒͋̓̉͝ͅỎ̶̰͓̳̥͑̅͛͊̒͐͊͘̚G̵̩̻̦̥̠̃̔Ş̶̹͚̩̱͖̀͆͘ ̸̢̢͇̻͔̗̺̼͖̱̏̾̔̚D̴̨̨̫̙̃̾̋̾̆̓̓Ớ̷̡͓͎͊G̶̱̣̣̰̝̖̰̗̓͐̐̊͋̀͊̀̕͝Ş̷̩̺̬̖͙̺̟͗̈́͒͗̀̑́́̕͠ ̷̡͈̼̲͈̳̫̺̝̈́̋͌͗̒ͅD̸̨̬̞̪̗̘̄̑͆̿̈́͘͠͝O̸̡̡͇͕̻͎͍͉̅̌͗̄͌̑̉̔͂̎Ḡ̸͙̟̪̞̬̬͕͐̈̏S̶̝̪̼̮̠̜̭̳͖̘̑

urine: to help with aerodynamics

jon: maya, speak! maya: *the smallest arwoo*

today’s mvp: any dog. pick one. no matter which you pick, you’re right

how the fuck did blaine change back from satan so quickly

barb as a cat is... my new sleep paralysis demon

blaine: barbara speak! barbara: climate change is real

#dogsforkids

this just in: extra life killed my wifi

we’re back & kdin is in the business of killing people with spice. she is the spice queen

queue six thousand well-timed 1337 donations

HOLY SHIT THAT’S COLIN FROM WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY

hmm “questionable liquids” is very... questionable

trevor: oh there’s four of them! we all get to join in the Fuckkkk

“what’s your favorite kind of candy” “any meat”

i like pickles and i would rather rip my eyebrows off than drink the juice so i feel for trevor

the only thing worse than drinking apple cider vinegar is shooting it out of your nose

“can you feel the love tonight” “i used to and that’s the problem”

“flubs every word man” damn, really missed the chance to say captain hair

jeremy not being able to intentionally flub his words is so fucking funny

OK BOOMER 

wow i can feel my blood pressure spike just watching these shots

Xavier Woods is here and he wants to know if it’s Christmas

miles doesn’t know what a question is

WHERE’S YOUR HAIR

oh no. oh no helping hands is next. everyone clear a splash zone

CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE

miles bossing around chef mike is priceless

“you leave that fucking dough on the floor”

“you wanna slam your hands down on the table” *pizza sauce goes flying everywhere*

HOEDOWN HOEDOWN HOEDOWN jesus why do i keep doing that

“If Colin Mochrie is listening, I’ll see you here next year” OH FUCK YEAH

--- this is when i take a break so my soul can return to my body (aka i have work to turn in. college will never not be a pain in my ass) ---

oh god dammit i missed all of Always Open. fuck college who needs a medical degree

so... we have some very interesting things happening in family feud and i’m not sure if i like any of them

hmm. is now the time to get drunk

oily twist feels very... ominous

what do you mean you don’t remember gandalf having a taser in lord of the rings?

someone in the chat said “big stupid sleeping thing is what my parents called me in high school”

i think i’m blacking out what’s going on i don’t remember the past two hours

ah yes. voldemort and snape having a talk show together sounds exactly like something J.K. Rowling would make a spinoff book or show or porno of

can we just talk about how much shit chris has been doing this year? what a guy. what a dude

“coldy with voldy” actually means getting knocked the fuck out cold because you only got three hours of sleep last night and you don’t want to miss chef mike and lindsay cooking

this snape poem is summarized by one phrase: “that was terrible sit the fuck down” (sorry chris)

“let’s destroy a weasley” enter chad

fucking called it

“you smell poor” i need a caffeine drip

heh the wheel spins are at 69 heh nice

i’m a grown ass woman

welcome to a section called: we torture chad for your entertainment

“who wants us to kill weasley?” *massive cheers from the audience*

“wait weasley step away from the wideshot so i can masturbate to this later”

“i’m not gonna rub my eye mom”

oh they’re really gonna kill chad on stream huh

i felt that chest slap in my soul

i think i felt my own ribs crack

oh fucking

tumblr deleted my thoughts on the fanfic section

alright. fine. brief summary: my teeth are burning

my mom lindsay is on next and i’m so excited but i’m nearing the point of loopiness so things will go downhill dramatically from here

this is my fucking fourth extra life, you would think i’d be smart enough to sleep the night before

LINDSAY LINDSAY LINDSAY THAT’S MY MOM

JEREMY JEREMY JERE- wait a second... did jeremy get taller

oH CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE

i hope Xavier comes back next year because he’s funny as fuck

m y a t t

oh god the mcdonald’s shade i’m rolling

lindsay “who’s the chef here” jones

chef mike mentioned mayo and i involuntarily gagged

chef mike clowning the big mac. i’m crying

he made the right choice with ryan bc i’ve seen his cooking stream(s) and it’s nothing if not great content

i heARD A MICHAEL JONES

“lindsay you haven’t done anything but warm up cookies so far” “yeah and?? you’re welcome”

you know that classic snack. slightly warm oreos

JEREMY THE LIQUOR GOBLIN DOOLEY IS BACK

oh god him screeching across set is making me cry laughing

why does it remind me of trevor’s voice cracks in the one minecraft ep where they’re singing the lion king

the biggest spoon for the smallest shot glass

i just realized we’re not even halfway through yet and i’m scared for the length of this list i’m gonna end up falling asleep involuntarily at some point

lindsay no your teeth are going to errode from that shot in your mouth

well timed leet donation #1829495

this gorden ramsey bit is so fucking good

jack: what do you think of the arugala? matt: i don’t even know what you said

iT’s NoT jUsT tWo CoOkIeS miCHeAL

jeremy and michael just chillin amidst the choas is exactly my demeanor at any party i’ve ever been to

lindsay scores: ryan = 7 because diet coke, matt = still eating lindsay’s meal so it’s a 10, xavier = also still eating it so it’s an 8. total: 25

“deep fry everything but a remote control”

chef mike scores: ryan = 9 for no death, matt = greens are present, words were said, score is 8. xavier = Gourmet Mcdonald’s, food is edible, score is 8. total: 25

oh fuck it’s a tie

now they fight to the death. death = doing as many shots as possible

i think we’re all going to need liver transplants after tonight

no jesus please don’t vomit oh goD oh fUc k please- oh thank god

okay i’m making a part two this is too much

[okaybutlikeimagine]

Billy learning how to do cute hairstyles for el

LOVE IT you fuckin’ bet Billy would do this for El and my heart is bursting over it.

Okay, so i totally think Billy would also have helped Max w/ her hair when they were growing up and she was learning how to skate (i also totally like to think he taught her how to skate) Billy would be like: “You gotta get your hair out of your face, moron.”

“Fine.” and she pushes it behind her ears but the poor sweet dear has never been good at tying her hair up bc her hand gets caught in it and so Billy goes rummaging through the little drawer in their bathroom where Susan keeps a bunch of hair ties for Max that she never touches and just says: “C’mere, shitbird.”

And then he ties her hair up into a ponytail and says: “C’mon, let’s go. Grab your board.”

And I just SO believe Billy did Max’s hair a lot. Like, Max herself in S2 says that Billy was always kind of a dick but he just got bad when they moved away, so I like to think that her and Billy were bitchy w/ each other but still close. (also i haven’t read Runaway Max so sorry if this is kind of inaccurate in regards to that, woops! ♥) and so i like to think Billy just let her rely on him to do her hair. Like he’d throw it up in a ponytail or a couple of braids or whatever in the summer. He’d put it up in a bun for when she’d try to help him cook dinner for themselves when their parents left for the weekend. Just Billy doing Max’s hair bc Max was never really taught. and Billy just did it for her bc it was easier than sitting her down and teaching her.

(then of course when things go bad leading up to the move and after the move, Billy would bark at her to do it herself so she struggled to learn and then eventually did by S3)(we don’t have to talk about this right now though cuz I’m Sad)

So ANYWAY bc of that (and his own hair)(i don’t have any links but there are a lot of good posts talking about Billy’s hair in clips and scrunchies and stuff and i cry at the thought), Billy knows how to do hair! And so when El cycles through the like, 3 hairstyles she has (half up half down in a scrunchie, parted to the side, and parted down the middle w/ her hair behind her ears) Billy notices. And when they’re sitting around watching TV or whatever and El is playing w/ Billy’s hair (bc she likes to do that, she thinks his hair is pretty) Billy asks: “Want me to do your hair, short stuff?”

And El will sit on the ground and Billy will sit on the couch and he’ll brush her hair out and think about what he can do. Bc her hair is a LOT shorter than Max’s ever was so there’s not a lot of braiding options here. But Billy will twist her hair back and put a little pin in it and pull a couple of little delicate strands out and just kind of smile as she admires it in the mirror.

And so he starts doing her hair more often. He’s so much calmer now in his new home and has (a bit) more patience so he’ll just sit and do El’s hair. When they’re sitting around the house and listening to music he’ll do a few tiny braids just because. He teaches her how to braid on his own hair. He throws her hair up into two little buns before she goes to hang out with her friends.

“Like the space princess.” El says.

Billy chuckles.

“Yeah kinda.” he says and pokes her forehead.

And then one day, when Max is over to hang out with El, they put on the ABBA record that they know Billy loves (bc Billy LOVES the album Arrival. he just does and i have lots of thoughts on it) and the girls laugh and sing along to the little whispery parts of “Knowing Me Knowing You” as they make fun of him and make silly faces. And Billy is amused but plays it off as irritated and he’ll pick El up from behind and twirl her around and take her back to her room to “kidnap” her and says Max has to “save her” as El kicks and squeals.

but it really just ends up being Max barging into the room to find El brushing out Billy’s hair, still singing along to the song while Billy is sitting there grumbling a little bc “I wasn’t supposed to be the prisoner here…”

Then he sees Max, who looks confused, her face a little fallen bc Billy hasn’t done her hair for her since they were back in California.

And Billy sees the look on her face. Dejected and a little angry. And he pats the space on the bed in front of him and says: “C’mere, shitbird. Want me to braid your hair for you?”

And Max will never admit it, but her heart leaps bc she’s kind of… she’s kind of getting her brother back.

And so Max sits there and gets her hair braided and Billy lets El do his hair and he’s singing quietly along to the song before he starts talking to them about boys. Bc he knows Max has been having trouble with Lucas saying stupid things and Mike was a jerk to El a couple days ago and said she was “too emotional” (it took everything in Billy’s power not to go find him and set him straight bc Mike is the most emotional kid Billy’s ever met)

So Billy’s just like: “Y’know, you guys don’t have to be with boys if they’re being irritating. Life is too short to be with assholes.”

And Max just kinda grumbles bc yeah, Billy might be right, and maybe Lucas is a little dumb sometimes, but she likes him and he’s not an asshole.

“Then why does Steve still hang around with you?” Max asks.

Billy pulls a strand of Max’s hair out.

“Shut up, jerk, I’m getting better.”

So YES Billy doing BOTH of their hair whenever Max is around. And doing cute hairstyles on El like a high pony or little braids to pull it out of her face or a twisted ponytail. But also giving her kind of funny hairstyles, like one night when he gels it up into a mohawk with a laugh.

El eyes it curiously.

“Does it look good?” she asks.

Billy chuckles. “Killer.”

And that night Hop comes home to Billy and El rocking out to Shout at the Devil on full volume, and sees his little daughter w/ her hair gelled up into a mohawk.

[banigarubug]

modern (youtuber) au elmax

these r some modern day elmax headcanons bc fckin emelie broke my whole ass heart

- max is totally a youtuber in 2017

- (she was originally a viner but we all know how that ended #neverforget)

- she’s basically the best gamer and a lot of guys hate on her bc she’s a girl but she’s iconic so whatever

- she’s like probably 17ish when she gets super popular and everyone likes her bc she’s kind of girly (like she wear dresses n stuff) but she’s tomboyish too (gamer and super butch)

- her username is obviously MadMax

- eleven is always in her videos but never says anything so the internet doesn’t really understand her or who she is she’s just kind of there

- she’s always wearing overalls& sweaters and reading or watching old rom coms so everyone adores her

- the first time she ever speaks on camera is most definitely something really really mean

- like, the boys came over and dustin and lucas are arguing and mike is trying to calm them down and max is just laughing at them while will and eleven are curled up on the couch

- and max pulls out her camera to mess with them and perfectly catches eleven saying “oh my fucking god dustin you absolute mouth breather”

- of course max posts this video and the internet e x p l o d e s

- turns out eleven is just camera shy and not actually that quiet of a person

- the boys are also internet personalities

- will’s username is WillTheWise and he has an art account where he posts speed arts and his instagram is hella popular bc he posts such cute stuff and he’s working on a comic book about a little boy who travels between universes and it’s called “The Upside Down”

- lucas’s is TotallyTubular and he posts literally everything. movie reviews, game play-throughs, rants about racism (lots of rants about racism. he talks a lot about representation, police brutality, the prison system, the justice system, the segregated economy/school system, etc. he’s really well versed on the topics too he doesn’t just pull it out of his ass) and he’s super funny

- mike’s is literally so dumb just like PaladinMike or something and it’s bc at first he didn’t have a youtube he was mostly just like a popular twitter account bc he posted conspiracy theories and really weird shower thoughts type stuff (like one time at 4:17 am he tweeted “what if we didn’t have fingernails?” and disappeared for 2 days) but he was featured in so many of his friends videos that eventually he made his own conspiracy theory acc (bonus: at the end of every video he includes a picture of will’s newest artwork and promos will even tho will has more followers, mike is proud of his boyf ok)

- dustin’s is Dustonious and he posts virtually the exact same content as Max and they’re usually playing mario kart together either on a team together or head to head with something crazy on the line (dustin is always like “i bet all of the contents in my fridge that i can beat you” and when he loses max throws everything out and films it)

anyways,,

- everyone captures hilariously adorable videos of max and eleven being domestic

- like once dustin comes over and peeps through their front door window as a joke bc it’s open and they’re slow dancing but there isn’t any music playing so he literally starts crying on camera

- and lucas is Known for his commentary and he narrates every interaction of elmax caught on camera

- he’s like “here we see the biggest losers of 2017 in their natural habitat” when they’re cuddling on the couch watching RENT or something

- byeler and elmax do collabs together a LOT for mikes channel bc will always points out inconsistencies in mikes theories and max gets super tripped out whenever he talks about the illuminati or the CIA and eleven is The Cutest bc she just laughs and rolls her eyes the whole damn video and the only things she says are either “that’s kind of dumb” or “i like that one”

- one time lucas caught them kissing on accident while live-streaming and then the internet confirmed elmax was Gay As Fuck

- to which the girls exploit the FUCK out of their relationship like SO MANY COUPLES TAGS

-bc now that they’re out they just wanna POST VIDEOS!!!

- eleven is still vvv quiet but she does participate a lot when it’s just max and el and they reveal very cute things abt their relationship

- they’ve been dating since middle school and eleven is a year younger but a grade above bc she’s super smart

- eleven doesn’t know how to skateboard even tho max has taught her 900 times

- when eleven is mad at max, max makes her eggos and writes sorry on it in whipped cream and chocolate (eleven always forgives her)

- eleven loves video games and plays them as often as max she just doesn’t do it on camera

this leads of course to a mario kart competition between the two bc the internet needed it!!

- so eleven almost kicks max’s ass and max is about 3 seconds ahead of her

- and the internet has never been more shook

- NO ONE even comes close to beating max

- and el’s like “i’ve had practice”

[yourprayer]

losers club at christmas hcs

for @kaspdrak <3 

join my 100 celebration!!!

- gonna say this right out the gates bc when its not acknowledged.... im angry

- stan celebrates Hanukkah and the other losers all give him extra presents for it

-  also they love to hear abt hanukkah traditions from stan?? like some of their early days in december are spent sitting around stan’s fireplace drinking cider and listening to him just.. explain the whole holiday & its history 

- stan is very very proud of his heritage and loves that his friends are super respectful and don’t force alternate customs on him (but he most certainly gives them all presents bc he LOVES HIS FRIENDS)

- the losers always have a post-christmas party where they exchange gifts bc they’re all stuck with their families on the actual holidays

- but pre-holidays??? early december??? first snow??? these kids are unstoppable

- im talkin snow men, im talkin sledding down main street, im talkin christmas light competitions

- richie and bill may or may not have blocked off an entire coldesac to build forts for their epic five hour snowball fight

- eddie is obsessed with having the best decorations. this motherfucker will kill to have the best lights on the block

- him and mike team up bc mike is super fast & organized as he staples lights on the roof how?? 

- mike’s family doesn’t really like decorating but they are all for mike helping the others out (and his grandpa actually has a great time when mike takes him on a tour of all the loser’s houses he helped decorate)

- the loser’s driving around in ben’s mom’s car touring christmas lights that are set to radio stations

- eddie’s mom is adamant he Will Get Hypothermia so she bundles him in so many layers he looks like the little brother from christmas story

- which richie talks about for months

- the losers watching christmas story in bills living room 

- “you know im really glad we don’t believe in santa. this guy is fucking creepy”

- “you’re just jealous”

- “jealous of what richie? i get more presents on more days and there aren’t fat angry strangers breaking into my house”

- ben burns everyone mix cds for their presents with songs he thinks they will love

- he has impeccable taste and everyone thinks their mix cds are the bomb

- beverly is the QUEEN of winter fashion

- truly the master of ugly christmas sweaters

- her only competition? eddie, who wears them not to be ironic but because mrs. k makes him

- richie does not know how to dress for the season and is always this close to frostbite & doesn’t even notice

- like this bitch still wears his ratty ass converse in two feet of snow

- bev loves to make everyone pancakes in the mornings after sleepovers, and during christmas time she starts making festive shapes

- ben gets really hype and starts giving her new ideas, like mixing in red and green food coloring

- bill’s bike gets fucked up in the snow quite a few times which gives mike a good excuse to stay over and help fix silver and also hang out with his best fucking friend

- their post-christmas parties are always when parents are out doing after-christmas shopping and last minute family visits so they’re usually unattended

- when they’re seniors richie brings spiked egg nog and they all get trashed in bill’s garage

- christmas crackers with the paper crowns inside (don’t think about how cute richie thinks eddie is in his paper crown)

- everyone gets each other presents bc what kind of friends don’t get each and every one of their pals a damn present

- some of them can’t really afford to go out and buy too many things, but they all regift well (bill’s extended family don’t know him too well so they usually give him random crap, but sometimes he gets something that he thinks his friend will love and saves it for their party)

- bev makes handmade jewelry for the boys every year (they’re all decked out in woven bracelets that will last till they die)

- we’ve already talked about bens cds but i just wanna mention them again bc ben makes the best cds fight me

- mike usually puts together a basket of homemade things from the farm for each of them (bread he baked, jam his grandmother made, wool socks)

- eddie usually gets to shop with his allowance so he gets them each something practical but special

- richie usually doesn’t have any money to get gifts with but he always makes sure to make them all super heartfelt & hilarious cards (which include horrible puns, terrible drawings, and sappy as hell love notes) 

- bill usually regifts or buys them nice things he finds at the mall. honestly psychic with gifts. inventor of the phrase “i saw this and thought of you”

- stan always gets them books. the first party they had he had no idea what to get them because he didn’t know everyone perfectly, so he gave them all old books from his library. they actually played well so every year since he scours used book stores year round to find the perfect book to give

- sometimes they’re joke books (he once gave richie an entire yiddish dictionary because he was being a dick about potato pancakes. richie still uses it regularly)

- speaking of joke gifts, you bet these mother fuckers do a white elephant every year

- bill usually plays nice and puts a good present in, knowing everyone else is going to be savage as fuck

- ben is sometimes kind with his too, putting in something benign like a five dollar bill in a really oversized box. sure it’s a dick to open, but at least he didn’t put underwear in it like richie did one year

- bev and richie are the meanest when it comes to white elephant presents

- like whoever goes the first few rounds avoids the packages richie and bev put in like the plague

- eddie tries to be devious but is actually really bad at coming up with clever shitty presents 

- mike and stan are the kings of putting in the most random crap

- like honestly stan just saves weird shit from his room purges and uses that to confuse the rest of the group

- mike is always a really good sport about getting the crappy presents

- eddie is not

- especially if he gets stuck with whatever richie put in

- “RICHIE I SWEAR TO GOD IF I GET STUCK WITH YOUR USED DEODORANT AGAIN THIS YEAR-”

- “eds, you can’t get gifted something you already have! it’s my toothbrush this time!”

- “e-e-eddie! quit throwing sh-shoes in my house!!”

- ben and bev falling asleep on bills couch at the end of the night in coordinating christmas sweaters bev found

- each of the couples getting each other a small extra present bc they’re in Love

- all of them feeling bad about mike being ‘left out’ so they get him something too

-so mike ends up with dozens of presents at the end of the night and extreme confusion

-but man is he feeling the love

- richie having mistletoe on a stick and holding it over eddies head about every fifteen minutes

- “oh shit eds! we’re under it again! how does this keep happening?!”

- “richie. you’re controlling it.”

- “oh no im sorry i cant hear you over the sound of me being compelled by this unbreakable christmas law”

-”riCHARD”

- bill warning all his friends to avoid his mothers terrible fruitcake

- stan eating it and loving it anyways

- “y-you can eat her f-f-fruitcake without barfing? i kn-knew we were meant to b-b-be”

- the losers at christmas ok

[cryingbilldenbrough]

you: a concept: kasplonbrough also you in the tags of your post: “i’m feeling some bill/eddie/mike ot3!” me: ok bitch it’s time so i’m thinking i’m going to need to know who was dating first and how was the third person added? like i need to know some origin stuff. please and thank you (also ilysm).

OK so let’s build off this post

the thing is, bill knows eddie loves mike more than friends, more than a brother even

he can tell by the way eddie gets a little short of breath when mike bends over to pick up a particularly heavy rock, muscles straining beneath a white shirt

and bill knows mike’s similarly smitten, cause he bites back a smile whenever eddie gets started on one of his rants, gearing up and sucking in a deep breath to get ready to talk for as long as he can without interruption

bill figures he just needs to leave them to it

(even though he’s fallen in love with mike’s smile and his casual wit and his soft-spoken intelligence)

(even though he’s been in love with eddie kaspbrak since before he can remember)

he knows he needs to step back and let them figure it out, without getting his own stupid feelings involved

cause for bill, love is So Messy

he’s a glass table with jagged broken edges, one blow from fracturing further into a thousand pieces

and his friends deserve a love untainted, without fear of breaking

(bill’s kind of an idiot)

anyway, mike and eddie never get together as kids

cause eddie goes off to new york for the second half of high school and mike takes on more responsibility at the farm

and they all kind of just…. forget each other

bill forgets about thursday night dinners and helping mike’s mom cook and he forgets looking out the kitchen window to watch mike and eddie, pink cheeked and eyes watering from battling biting wind, do farm chores with breathless smiles on their faces

bill eats dinner alone at the dining room table at his house and can’t shake the feeling of emptiness in his chest

he shoulders the invisible burden, he goes to college, becomes World Famous Author bill denbrough, and forgets all about Derry and his Family

until mike hanlon calls him late one night

it’s nearing 3am and he’s awake, because bill really doesn’t sleep much

and the caller ID has a number with a maine area code

he answers hesitantly, mind almost numbingly blank, and gets shot back into the past by the sound of mike’s voice

he books the next flight home and spends the journey bouncing his knee anxiously

he gets into town at like noon the next day and immediately goes to the derry public library

mike hanlon grew up handsome, as if there was any worry of that

his shoulders are broad and strong and he shakes bill’s hand with confidence and god, bill feels it all rushing back

the warmth of loving mike flows through his veins and god, how did he forget? how did he let this memory slip past his finger tips

the fear is almost an afterthought, the reason they’re there and Together at the back of bill’s mind, forgotten

he goes back to mike’s house and sleeps in his guest room and bill hasn’t felt so At Home since he stopped going to hanlon family dinners

there’s a piece missing though

cause the dinner table isn’t the same when eddie’s not chattering away 

conversation is stilted, not because mike and bill can’t get along by themselves, but because they’re constantly pausing

as if they know instinctively eddie would want to butt in and say his piece

it’s not until the next day, late into a lazy afternoon 

(mike had gone to work for a few hours in the morning and returned to explain the Full Story of Its return with bill)

eddie comes home

he somehow knows where mike lives, marching right up the porch steps and something in bill’s chest pulls him to the door, answering it before eddie can even knock

eddie kaspbrak grew up good. his hair is fluffy and he has a pair of thin-framed wire glasses on his face and he’s wearing a really warm looking sweater

bill scoops him into a hug and breathes in deep, familiar and grounding

they share a bottle of wine in celebration that night, gathered around the kitchen table at mike’s house

they’re loose, flushed and giggly, and bill looks at his boys with wonder on his face

“how’s your dad?” eddie asks, almost as if the thought has just occurred to him

bill remembers then, remembers cooking with jess hanlon, remembers the bond with mike’s family he once had

mike swallows, looking just a little too old and weary, and tells them of both parent’s tragic deaths

will passed away from cancer a few winters back and jess hanlon followed him peacefully the following spring

it really really fucking hurts to hear

it’s like bill’s been given a gift and then had it ripped from his grip

he reaches out, across the table, and grabs mike’s hand

eddie has the other, fingers interlocked, and they’re a chain of grieving

they spend that night in remembrance of their family and all they shared

as time goes on, the losers arrive one by one

bev then ben then richie (no stan, and that fucking burns too)

they spend a day lost in memories again, relearning a forgotten childhood

and bill tries not to want it

he tries not to want to gather eddie and mike up and flee this cursed town

he tries not to want to finally let himself indulge in a fantasy where he gets both of his boys all for his own

he tries not to picture himself happy

because it’s all going to be torn apart soon

he puts his head down and tries to get some fucking Work done and doesn’t get distracted by eddie’s familiar lilting laugh and mike’s fucking stupid white smile

(it’s not going well)

they go on their Walking Tours and god, it’s only worse

cause mike fucking gives bill the gift of Silver, of memory of childish carefree fun

bill and mike spend the afternoon riding his bike like fucking children

and then eddie comes home from his own Tour with scraped knees and a dirty face and bill plummets back to earth

he remembers why they’re here

he throws himself back into it with fervour

he tries to remember their secrets, their hidden weapons, the reasons they survived the first time

he tries to make a plan, a foolproof plan to beat It

letting himself get lost in mike and eddie is really not a part of the plan

unfortunately (fortunately) for bill, eddie kaspbrak has never once done anything according to bill’s plan

he sneaks into bill’s room late one night, when they’re so close to the end that bill can taste it

there’s a thrumming in the air that bill knows means their time is almost up

(bill doesn’t know that Henry Bowers is currently making his way to the hanlon house, fully intent on killing them all)

he slides the door open almost silently, feet tracking over the hardwood floors, and bill sits up in bed as he enters

“eds?” he says, voice scratchy, and feels eddie sit down on the edge of his bed

“it’s me” he answers, but bill knew that from his soft breath and steady heartbeat

“w-what’s up?”

“oh, nothing. just wondering if we’re gonna die tomorrow.”

bill doesn’t answer. it’s answer enough. eddie sighs and takes a deep breath in, almost like he’s steeling himself

(bill loves his brave boy)

“bill?”

“yeah”

“i love you”

bill wants to brush it off

he wants to go back to forgetting, to letting things fall through his fingers without feeling their loss

but he can’t

“i love you t-too, eds” he says instead

eddie plants a hand on bill’s knee through the blankets and kisses him

just once, light and steady, and then he backs off

and u KNOW that once bill’s tasted the forbidden fruit he can’t forget

he dives back in head first

“what about mike” he can’t help but breathe against eddie’s mouth

“i’m sorry,” eddie says, and moves back

bill chases him, leaning in and trying to capture his mouth again, but eddie’s gone

“what?” bill asks, confused

“i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have,” eddie’s making excuses, running a hand through his hair and bill reaches up to flatten it down “i just thought maybe…. i just figured you had maybe felt what i did but i understand if you’re just interested in mike i shouldnt have assumed and i love mike too it’s okay you two deserve each other i shouldn’t have come in here”

“whoa whoa whoa,” bill says, putting his hands up because eddie is rambling and he isn’t making any sense “eds, i love you,”

“yeah, but–”

“but what?”

“but you love mike” 

bill chuckles

“can’t i love both my boys?” he says

and eddie fucking crashes into him

anyway, i dont feel like getting into logistics bc i have already written too many words of ot3 makeouts and there’s only so many times u can write three-way kissing b4 u wanna die

but they end up in mike’s bed, pressed together on the king size mattress

and that’s when fucking henry bowers makes his debut

but! 

mike’s not alone this time

he’s flanked by bill and eddie and they have something worth fucking fighting for now

they’re been recharged by every moment they’ve been together and they’re fucking unstoppable

mike takes a knife to the thigh and bowers gets off a solid right hook to eddie’s jaw but otherwise they’re virtually unharmed

it has Begun though

they make their way down to the sewer, just like they’re meant to

except man, bill’s powerful this time

(there’s no Audra, nothing to distract him, and his boys are walking strong beside him)

eddie supports mike, the other man’s arm thrown over his shoulder, as they track through the sewers

and while Bill and Richie go into the deadlights, mike is there to help eddie take down the spider

and eddie kaspbrak does not lose his fucking arm

because right as he’s thrusting his inhaler into Its mouth, mike’s arm catches him round the waist and pulls him back

eddie loses the tips of his fingers but it could have been a LOT fucking worse

eddie and mike call bill back from the Deadlights together, whispering “come home bill” into the Void

“you’re too old,” It tries to taunt, tries to distract from the power of eddie and mike calling him back “too old and broken and you’re all going to die here” 

bill hears mike and eddie’s whisper in his head

and turns to richie, eyes flashing wickedly in the dark vaccuum of the void

and he smiles

because nothing can stop bill from getting back to his boys

send me requests/headcanons/prompts!

[skold]

this post is Marina’s List Of Favorite and/or Iconic Music Videos

this could also be subtitled as: if you truly want to understand me as a person, watch these videos because it’ll answer a lot of questions

it’s gonna be a long one so i’ll pop it under a cut

alright we goin by artist then chronological

AIDEN

knife blood nightmare - this is iconic for me simply bc i rly wanted to look like wil in this video so bad in 6th grade.

die romantic - WHAT A BOP. i used to do my black eyeshadow like wil in this video too lmao

ALL TIME LOW

poppin champagne - because blonde alex and also?? honestly?? what a wild video. this is truly late 00s oversaturated pop punk at its finest

i feel like dancin - i’m not the biggest fan of this record or even this song in general but this is like, quintessential all time low to me video-wise. like. it’s everything i want from an all time low video.

ARCHITECTS

follow the water - or as sam carter says, follow the wah-uh. first of all i love that this is in a church. second of all when will i get to go to an architects show this lit here in the states

heartburn - bc they all look pretty. ok. aesthetically on point as well.

AVENGED SEVENFOLD

beast and the harlot - i don’t always bop this song but when i do, the whole cul de sac does too. no but really this was so influential to middle school me i wanted nothing more than a boyfriend who looked like zacky or jimmy and whatever eyeshadows zacky was wearing in this clip

BLINK 182

i miss you - the video that inspired this post. THE AESTHETIQUE. 20′s inspired romantigoth film noir. i don’t yell about this music video enough.

BRING ME THE HORIZON

chelsea smile - it’s literally just a house part video but the song literally defines the year 2009 for me. emetophobia warning at 1:08

it never ends - this video got mad shit but i love it. pretty heavy gore throughout this video

alligator blood - CREEPY ASS AESTHETIC SHIT!!!! i live for it. 16 y/o me had it so bad for matt nicholls and him getting tied up and violated was like, god tier for me

visions - more creepy aesthetic shit. the videos on there is a hell were underrated

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA

hey john what’s your name again? - i gotta throw this one in just bc this hurls my ass right back to the year 2008. that bible imagery. those haircuts. it was a better time for music

html rules d00d - THIS SONG STILL SLAPS LMAO DON’T READ ME

ELISSA FRANCESCHI

salt - i’m not crying you’re crying!!! how did anne and christian franceschi manage to spawn two flawless and talented siblings!!!!!!

EVERY TIME I DIE

ebolarama - it’s a performance video in a roller rink what more could you want

wanderlust - you’ve probably caught on to the fact that i love creepy aesthetic shit.

decayin with the boys - THIS VIDEO HAS ME HOWLING. there are too many good moments to list here but the personal highlight is the dude admiring the lesbians making out, then he turns and admires they gays making out at about the 1:30 mark. also the jenga dream sequence. there’s a dick in this video, just a heads up. and a whole bootyass. i love andy williams. mild emetophobia tw at 2:30

FOXY SHAZAM

a dangerous man - eric nally’s screeching was the soundtrack of 2008

i like it - the chorus of this song is literally just “that’s the biggest black ass i’ve ever seen and i like it” and i have nothing more to say

holy touch - it’s a performance video but it’s. different. i really don’t wanna ruin this by saying too much about it. that’s just kinda how foxy shazam were. this song is a fucking banger. yes, they did have a trumpet player in the official lineup.

FRNKIERO ANDTHE CELLABRATION

joyriding - another performance video that’s. different. lmao. aesthetically perfect

GOOD CHARLOTTE 

lifestyles of the rich and famous -  the proletariat banger we weren’t ready for in 2002, but we’re ready now.

girls and boys - old people being punk rock. that’s all.

predictable - i SPECIFICALLY remember watching this on the good charlotte website the day this dropped. THE EARLY 2000S BAD CG IS REAL. i was literally ten years old but i somehow Felt every word of that spoken bridge, man. WHEN THE LITTLE GIRL GIVES JOEL THE ROSE AND IT TURNS BLACK i deadass thought that was so fucking dope y’all

i just wanna live - ignoring the irony of joel whining about being famous, this video had THE MEMES. 

GREEN DAY

longview - iconic simply by virtue of being their first video.

when i come around - ask me about my favorite songs of All Time and i’ll probably mention this one. it’s still great nowadays. i love all the shots of berkeley.

brain stew/jaded - this is such a great piece of art lmao the fucking. sludgy feeling of brain stew going into the chaos of jaded is great on the record, but even better in video form going from being stoned in sepia to tripping acid in an oversaturated cluttered space

walking contradiction - comedy gold

hitchin a ride - creepy weirdness and an iconic bassline. also mike dirnt looks fine as hell in this video

minority - i’m running out of ways to explain that a video is iconic to me purely bc of how important the song was to me at a given time lmao.

american idiot - is there anything i can truly say about this video? it was perfect in 2004, it’s perfect in 2017. uncomfortably relevant. epilepsy warning for strobe lighting effects in the second half

holiday - technically this was released before blvd, but since it chronologically precedes blvd in the story, i’m putting it first. this is like 90% here for the bridge section y’all. fucking iconic. i wore a fedora on the first day of sixth grade bc tre cool wore one in this video. not my proudest fashion moment. emetophobia warning at 1:56 but them playing EVERY character in the bar scene is perfection

boulevard of broken dreams - ah yes, 2005′s most overplayed song. i could not escape this song. every time the intro started everyone would just look at me bc i was The Green Day Chick. this video is aesthetically perfect though. shout out to mike dirnt’s jawline in profile

HOZIER

work song - first of all, this song makes me cry. second of all, the video is dreamy as fuck. it gives me irl chills. i love the choreography so much. the whole vibe is very modern southern gothic. and it’s incredibly intimate feeling without being... sexual or vulgar, i guess. 

IN THIS MOMENT

adrenalize - first of all i’m gay. second of all i’m gay. this video is decidedly nsfw

whore - aesthetically pleasing. chris motionless being subby is the real highlight here

sick like me - again, it’s here for the aesthetic.

big bad wolf - also aesthetic but THIS MAKEUP LOOK. maria’s makeup look in this video is actually literally my aesthetic goal. epilepsy warning for strobe light effects

sex metal barbie - say it with me: aesthetic. i also love this one bc the lyrics are largely lifted from people talking shit about maria on the internet, shaming her for being a woman with sexuality and agency, so fuck yes i support it. mild body horror warning for this one

JOHN 5

making monsters - john’s videos are mostly performance based but this one is so cute lmao. where do i cop a j5 action figure

LADY GAGA

paparazzi - i’m only including the RLY vital gaga videos here and the full version of paparazzi is her best work imo......

bad romance - .......but bad romance is a close second.

telephone - i can’t not include this one though. the collab of the decade.

LINKIN PARK

one step closer - i think this was the first linkin park video i saw Back In The Day......... it was 2 heavy 4 baby me at the time lmao but nowadays it’s one of my fave lp songs. the video is super corny let’s be real but it was 2000

numb - this song is so fucking emo but i love it. the video is like peak emo too. i swear the main girl in this video was like my fashion icon at the time. layered tank tops, ripped loose jeans, oversized hoodies and jackets. i wanted her hair so bad lmao

what i’ve done - this video is really visually solid. i thought this was like the Deepest Shit in middle school lmao

MARILYN MANSON

sweet dreams (are made of this) - THE CINNAMON TOPOGRAPHY!!! god i have no complaints about this video except that twiggy is in it. visual fx?? dope. wardrobe?? dope. location?? dope. manson in the wedding dress?? dope. unsanitary warning for the later half of the video bc manson gets pooped on by birds lmao

tourniquet - one of my fave vocal performances by manson tbh. i prefer this one of the two videos floria did w/ manson. 

long hard road out of hell - femme manson and religious imagery need i elaborate

the dope show - the first manson video i ever saw. i was... so creeped out lmao. LOOKS ON LOOKS ON LOOKS. john 5 lookin like a snack in this one

i don’t like the drugs (but the drugs like me) - this is probably the most heavy-handed manson has ever been with the christ allegory lmao and yet......... i love it. also shout out to manson and rose’s dogs bug and uncle fester for guest starring. body horror tw here

coma white - basically a flawless music video i have nothing to say here that isn’t already said by the video itself

disposable teens - everybody looks great in this one except twiggy fuck twiggy. i actually love the mtv version of this video too, which is all performance, but i can’t seem to find it rn??

the fight song - one of my fave manson looks. those boooooots tho. the gloooovessssss. i’m gross let me live

tainted love - sorry to send y’all to vimeo for this one but i couldn’t find one on youtube that didn’t look like it was filmed with a potato or watermarked. y’all slept on the genius of this video tbh

mobscene - hello it is me gaogfucker666. 

this is the new shit - still me, gaogfucker666. this video feels misinterpreted too honestly

(s)AINT (director’s cut) - specifically the director’s cut bc more tim skold in a dress and boots smoking a cigarette. this video is seriously fucking nsfw. needles, drugs, sexual content, vomit etc watch with caution pls

personal jesus - i love this glam rock look so much. tim looks so good in this he never wore the look again bc he knew he looked so good we could never handle it a second time.

putting holes in happiness - I CAN’T FIND the extended version with tim’s full solo and i wanna scream. but. here’s the official version

say10 (short) - i really fucking wish he’d compounded off this for the official say10 video, beheaded orange man or not. just the verse. it’s so good. moody and creepy and AHHH.

we know where you fucking live - heed the warning at the beginning lmao. i honestly loved this video. i know some people thought it was edgy but i rly rly don’t see that. it’s offensive and obscene yeah but it doesn’t have that edgelord feel, as much as i love to call him an edgelord.

MOTIONLESS IN WHITE

reincarnate - old school horror vibes!!! as a Humble Fetishist of Boots and Gloves, this is a great video. also this is one of those songs where i Feel the lyrics for real

eternally yours - THE COLORS!!! THE FUCKIN IN A COFFIN!!!! i have nothing more to say

MOTLEY CRUE

looks that kill - please watch this corny ass fuckin 1983 ass hair metal ass music video. please. i’m tryna add more shout at the devil era nikki sixx vibes to my wardrobe tbh

wild side - i love a late 80s arena performance video ok also where do i cop nikki’s shirt

dr. feelgood - i will always credit this as one of the songs that made me want to play bass tbh

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

vampires will never hurt you - too emo to view with the naked eye.

i’m not okay (i promise) - the video that spawned a million high school AUs. god i love this one. even watching without the nostalgia goggles it’s great.

helena - perhaps my favorite music video of all time? if not then top 3. this video still remains my ideal aesthetic 12 years later. HOW I’M TRYNA BE. i just wanna look like an extra in this video, okay.

the ghost of you - time to cry!!!!! emetophobia warning at 0:47

welcome to the black parade - it’s hard for me to talk about these videos bc they’re so universally iconic that to explain why i love them so much would be mostly redundant.

famous last words - see above. this song means the world to me

desolation row - if i had to pick a video other than helena to look like an extra in i’d pick this one. has gerard ever looked this good, before or after this video?? peak.

NINE INCH NAILS

down in it - these are getting linked to vimeo since the official nin account has them all uploaded there in better quality. anyway i love so many of the shots in this video and i love the colors and i love bab trent

head like a hole - SO dated y’all but bab trent leveled up and became baby dread trent.

happiness in slavery - this is seriously graphic. but it’s great. also where’s the extended version that shows trent getting eaten by the weird carnivorous robot

gave up - bABY BRIAN!! infants, y’all. INFANTS.

march of the pigs - it’s a one-take performance video but it’s...... so much more than that. this video hurts me in my hand/glove kink.

closer - this is in the top 3 with helena honestly. it is... a piece of art film before all else. a Must Watch. 

burn - another case of a video being important to me because of the song it’s for tbh.

the perfect drug - marc romanek is a GOD. also a piece of art film honestly. just y’all wait till i make my dnd character based on trent in this video lmao

starfuckers, inc - hm, another nin video that trent invited manson to be in. interesting. all memes aside it’s a great video even as much as i hate the use of the “fat = ugly” trope. epilepsy warning for flashing effects in the last part of the video

deep - why. are. y’all. SLEEPING ON THIS!!!!

only - this may have been the first nin video i willingly saw and recognized as nin. this video still holds up, especially with it being 95% cgi and still looking as good as it does.

ROB ZOMBIE

living dead girl - the theme song of my life??? iconic couple costume idea????

meet the creeper - i have to include this video because it’s BAD. it’s terrible and i fucking love it

american witch (live version) - WHEN ROB PICKS UP JOHN AND STARTS SPINNING HIM AROUND!!!! this is here specifically for all the long hair john content

dead city radio and the new gods of supertown - the aesthetic. everybody looks great. matt is in a gorilla suit

well everybody’s fucking in a ufo - highly nsfw. where do i begin with this fucking hot mess...... sheri’s huge fake boobs. john and matt and ginger as astronauts. john jerkin off. the aliens with dicks. the fact that the whole story is about getting gang banged by aliens???? nothing will ever reach this level

SKOLD

self titled promotional clip - epilepsy warning for a lot of flashing and smash cuts. sort of a few partial music videos in one, but there are only two official skold videos, so i gotta include both of them. the quality is garbage. it’s so incredibly 1996. yet i love it. the last song, anything, is pretty nsfw as in there’s actual femdom porn clips but this is why i love it.

better the devil - if there were more skold videos i’d put them here. but as i said there are only two. tim out there lookin like not just a snack but a full course meal in 4k quality. goddamn. the only man i can ever truly call d*ddy. tiffany and eli lookin like delicious side dishes as well.

TAKING BACK SUNDAY

you’re so last summer - flava flave is in it

this photograph is proof - this song makes me so fucking nostalgic............. it transports me right back to eighth grade lmao. tbs were one of my fave bands in middle school.

makedamnsure - the most emo song of all time?? side note regarding tbs: real talk, being fat in middle school, seeing another fat person in a band was so fucking reassuring and great. i love eddie. 

liar (it takes one to know one) - these visual effects are SO cool, even now.

YOU ME AT SIX

jealous minds think alike - ART... no but actually look at these literal fetuses. i fucking love this song. it’s probably my fave track on take off your colours.

kiss and tell - you right it’s another house party video BUT. baby josh with an undercut. he must be 18 or barely 19 here??

liquid confidence - WHEN YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE

stay with me - jkfljkghdfskljgs okay serious time: this song got me through a seriously rough part of my life and i have the title tattooed on me partially because of the video. 

loverboy - i have never seen a fandom in such utter chaos as the ymas fandom was on the day this video dropped. holy fucking shit. the THIRST was REAL. 

bite my tongue - peak ymas captured in one music video. that’s truly the most important part. that peak sns era ymas was preserved forever in this video.

lived a lie - is it bad if i still kinda want a “we are believers” tattoo lmao. i really....... love this song a lot. is it obvious by now that ymas love a big chorus lmao

give - this song gives me The Feels. it deserved better than a performance video in an empty arena but it’s all we got, so here it is.

[spectrumscribe]

i got around to watching the latest TMNT episode, and it turned into 44 minutes of pure salt with my friend @lulusoblue. 

read below the saltmagedon.

onthespectrumwriting:

i'm finally watching the new ep and i'm five minutes in.

i honestly hate how much romance there is in this. :///

eeeerrrrRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAUGH

CAN

WE

NOT

PAIR THEM OFF

GOD

  onthespectrumwriting:

especially leorai

  lulusoblue:

there's a difference between romance and ship bait

 onthespectrumwriting:

jfc

i hate all of this

 lulusoblue:

same

 onthespectrumwriting:

no shipping allowed okay

 lulusoblue:

and i haven't even watched the fuckin ep

 onthespectrumwriting:

at all

 lulusoblue:

i can't even bring myself to watch Demon Mark Hamill's arc

 onthespectrumwriting:

there's a brief amount of good donnie stuff in there

 onthespectrumwriting:

otherwise: eh

oh there's also good mikey and leatherhead stuff

FOR FUCK'S SAKE STOP IT WITH THE LEORAI FLIRTING

GOD

they

they had raph wink at my girl y'gythgba

and she did this little blushy thing

no

noooooo

if this has to be a Thing

 onthespectrumwriting:

that goes the other way around

rgh

 lulusoblue:

take the reciprocative canon ship

it's as good as it will get

 onthespectrumwriting:

it makes me uncomfortable

on the other hand

the utrom are precious and should be protected

pls stop murdering them

 lulusoblue:

it's as good as it will get

 onthespectrumwriting:

BUT ITS BAD

 lulusoblue:

sorry my phone repeated the message twice

YES BUT IT COULD BE WORSE

 onthespectrumwriting:

ITS STILL BAD

ALL OF THIS IS BAD

 lulusoblue:

honestly thank god none of the other pairings are canon because they're terirble

 onthespectrumwriting:

oh for fuck's sake y'gythgba's entire planet went to war because she couldn't sacrifice one shitty turtle

apparently a shit ton of their soldiers died because of it

 lulusoblue:

p sure if any of them were actually canon they would be ACTUALLY lovey dovey and not just hanging out to make Raph jealous that his bros are around their crushes

lulusoblue sent a post Tell me that wasn't a...

is my phone just du

 lulusoblue:

plicating shit what the fuck

 onthespectrumwriting:

maybe

see?

romance gets you nothing good in this universe

OH BAD SHIT IS HAPPENING BC THEY GOT DISTRACTED BY EACH OTHER

I AM FURTHER VINDICATED

 onthespectrumwriting:

off topic all the boys and april need to use a phone tower to climb down but my girl karai can straight up scale a flat wall

oh and now she's back to being useless

okay then

 onthespectrumwriting:

eyyyy april

punch him

punch him good

 lulusoblue:

what is up with the writing like wtf

 onthespectrumwriting:

god this is so bad so far

at least april did a thing

that was nice

it was a brief thing

but a thing

where the fuck is my son casey tho

 onthespectrumwriting:

off topic: y'gythgba is still really good looking

OH SHUT UP RAPH YOUR OLDER GIRLFRIEND IS NOT GOING TO GIVE UP HER LIFE AS AN ACCOMPLISHED MILITARY WOMAN TO LIVE IN THE FUCKING SEWERS AND EAT GARBAGE

okay the writing is actively making me die right now

they pulled a "-and your little dog too" type line

 onthespectrumwriting:

where is y'gythba's fucking sword??? WHY DID THEY TAKE AWAY HER SWORD AND LEAVE HER WITH A PISTOL WHAT

god this is like april in the space arc all over again

snrk omg

 lulusoblue:

k watching your commentary is like

 onthespectrumwriting:

why thank you

also newt's voice actor slurred a little and bishop came out as "bitchass"

 lulusoblue:

Pffdffforplrprrlrddfffffft

 onthespectrumwriting:

oh hey so newt is a brainwashing victim nice

OH EW NO DO NOT EAT THE LITTLE BRAIN THING

you don't know where that's been, and i can see how badly the brainwashing has sucked his brian cells

he's so stupid

this dialogue is shit

why is that one utrom fucking french

but where is casey is what i'm really wondering

 onthespectrumwriting:

also: how will being in the D-x atmosphere affect april? since this is the first time

utrom are still cute btw, they're so adorably pink and tentacled

NO QUEENIE

LEAVE HER ALONE

she's like, one of the few female characters left

oh god more utrom vore

newt no

and donnie steals the weapon from the utrom

nice

my klepto son strikes again

 onthespectrumwriting:

WHERE

IS

Y'GYTHGBA'S

FUCKING

SWORD

WHY DOES SHE HAVE A DINKY LITTLE PISTOL WHAT THE FUCK

FUCK THIS

 lulusoblue:

"why is that one utrom fucking french"

coz he gave up

 onthespectrumwriting:

hahahahaha

april is doing cool stuff again

 onthespectrumwriting:

good

let's add water bending to her abilities lmao

well it didn't work but it was neat

now newt is playing at being mr. electro

 lulusoblue:

"WE THREW IN A REFERENCE ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW"

not until April chooses the Blue Spirit over Casey and Donnie

 onthespectrumwriting:

like out of spirderman two- MIKEY NO WHAT THEFUCK

NO HEY NOT OKAY

BRING BACK MY SON

wow they're causing a citywide black out and also mikey is dead

OH HAHAHAHA ITS THE BUG GUY

 lulusoblue:

nickelodeon: "just kill em all"

 onthespectrumwriting:

THERE'S A GIANT BUG INT HE SKY I'M YELLING

HIS SHIP IS A GIANT FUCKING BUG THAT’S SHITTING OUT DRONES

okay we're fucked

nice to know

mike's dead the world has no power and we're being invaded

oh and the romance apocalypse is still happening too

so we're really fucked

 lulusoblue:

Dregg:

fuck where the Oprah bees gif shit

onthespectrumwriting:

hahaha i get what your aiming for here

also new york is experiencing being shat upon by alien bugs

nice

OH HER SWORD IS BACK

Y'GYTHGBA MAGICALLY HAS HER SWORD AGAIN

WHERE

WAS IT

YOU FUCKS

hahahaha oh god i hate this

all of it

 onthespectrumwriting:

also none of the family is giving any fucks right now that mikey is literally dead

my god

this is like The Power Inside Her all over again

do they only freak out when its leo??? apparently so

so far this ep is getting a 2/10

and only bc of the sick bug ship

WHERE

IS

MY SONS

casey mikey where are you

 onthespectrumwriting:

"if you talk to my woman like that again-" HAHAHA OH SHE'S //YOUR// WOMAN NOW???

EXCUSE ME

WHEN DID SHE AGREE TO THAT SHIT

raph take that patriarchal nonsense and shove it up your asshole where it belongs

eighties TV has taught you nothing good

what a load of dicks

okay the show lost its two points for that line

fuck that

0/10

 lulusoblue:

uh oh

 onthespectrumwriting:

bs extravaganza

that's what this is

raph, bishop, both of you go eat ten bags of dicks and choke

and for the love of god DOES NO ONE CARE THAT MIKEY IS DEAD

 lulusoblue:

death is an illusion i thought u knew

 onthespectrumwriting:

"i can take care of myself raphael, thank you" honey just punch him already, i know you want to for that shitty possessive comment

oh shit nice y'gythgba is into utrom vore too

hahaha

yeah literally the only good thing here is the bigass alien ship

 lulusoblue:

why did you make me read that with my own two eyes

 onthespectrumwriting:

bc you have to suffer with me

also leo and g'throkka are uselessly captured

hahahaha

damseled in distress

raph's plan is to strap as many missiles to a barge boat as physically possible and then throw it at the ship

raph, honey, that's not how physics work

"i like it, but it feels... a little too much" y'gythgba just say it. its a shitty, shitty plan

don't spare this child's feelings

he needs to be knocked down like ten pegs anyways, the angst muffin he is

"you think? that's a mikey level bad idea" april calling things as they are

 onthespectrumwriting:

and look

she's the Only One to feel a moment of "wow he's fucking dead"

LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE COMMENTED ON THIS FACT OTHER THAN RAPH'S OFF HANDED "mikey's been disintegrated" and then NOTHING

ggggggod

off topic: where the fuck is casey

my son

where is my son

have you seen my son???

 lulusoblue:

he's probably getting his teeth foxed

*fixed

at P Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney

 onthespectrumwriting:

he'll get those knocked out in two days tops hahahaha

wow this is disturbing

humans being glued to a tower with spit

ew

where is the fucking military

this is literally their job

oh donnie, oh april

you can't do anything cool in this series anymore, accept it

haha oh my god

 onthespectrumwriting:

they're stealing this right out of my fanfic at this point

mikey brought himself back from the dead

by pulling his molecules back together

this is exactly like my fanfic what the hell

electricity powers, existence despite apparently being dead, etc

also: wow what a lack of happiness that he's not dead

i'd like to call plagiarism.

 lulusoblue:

"what iz emote?"

 onthespectrumwriting:

this is so stupid

i did it better

 onthespectrumwriting:

okay the bug prisons are uncomfortably like assholes

ew

OH EW THEY'RE USING THE TRUSSED UP PEOPLE AS BUG EGG FOOD

THIS IS PARASITICA ALL OVER AGAIN BUT CITYSCALED

off topic: newt has a collection of utrom arms tied to his belt

just

chilling there

 lulusoblue:

as you do

 onthespectrumwriting:

he's got severed limbs flopping all over

bet that made bishop uncomfortable

 onthespectrumwriting:

oh shit its the military

its only been like a half a day since the world started ending

not like they're late

and where are the fighter jets guys

a ground assault won't do shit

oh no

its the turtle mech

again

....

i feel nothing, i never liked it

its so vulnerably designed??

like the cockpits are right in the front, completely undefended

nice raph's bug phobia is probably having a hay day in his head rn

parasite leeches are always great to deal with

eyyyy mike gets to do shit for once

he beat the last big bad, and now he's going to beat this one

how much do you bet they won't thank him this time either

my murderous daughter strikes again

she's so excited to flamethrow a bunch of bugs

dialogue still killing me

HA THE MECH GOT TOTALED

WHAT A SURPRISE

donnie is going to cry about that

i feel bad for him

he spent months on that stupid thing

oooooh SHIT

mikey is KILLING IT today

my son

i'm so proud of you

your shitty family doesn't deserve you or donnie

mikey is doing so great, i'm so proud

they're also in the heart of a giant space bug ship now, and he's got electro powers so

he's gonna FUCK THEIR SHIT UP

go child

this is the one thing you're good at

destruction of all good things

do it

meanwhile everyone else is having fun with bugs

revenge for all the magnifiers in the world

karai and april continue to not be allowed to be useful

ugh

 lulusoblue:

ps is karai still a snake orrr

 onthespectrumwriting:

she's done no snake things this whole ep

they're wasting her

but, on the bright side

confirmed: they're dating

femslash wins everyone go home

 lulusoblue:

WHAT bright side?

 onthespectrumwriting:

the gay bright side

mr. brightside

mikey is fucking shit up and i'm still proud of him

he died and literally brought himself back all on his own

this kid has so much to him

why does his family/the fandom/the show not get this

well he didn't beat the big bad on his own, but he did 99% of the work

MY SON IS SACRIFICING HIMSELF NO

mikey nooooooo

THEY JUST LEAVE HIM????

APRIL IS LITERALLY THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED THAT THIS KID SACRIFICED HIMSELF

wow he died for you assholes and all he gets is a highfive

and then they take his powers

and

clothes???

he's naked.

okay.

"pizza's on me!" leo you don't have money

you can't even go get the pizza without starting a riot

why would you say that

WHAT

NO

Y'GYTHGBA HONEY DON'T DO THIS

NONONONONONONONONO

okay so one

this is violating intergalactic laws

like ten of them at least

for another

y'gythgba don't do this

don't give up a very successful military career for a shitty teenage boy

he's not even twenty yet and he lives in the sewers angsting all day

you could do //so much better//

god no

he's not even letting her crash at his place

he's sending her to live with the mutanimals

"hey you gave up your entire life to be with me, how's crashing at my weird cousins' place sound? they're also fugitives and inhuman, you'll fit right in"

i

have

SO MUCH SALT ABOUT THIS

and then they end it there

*throws monitor through the wall*

FUCK THIS BULLSHIT

 onthespectrumwriting:

so that was one of the worst two-part specials i've ever watched

i'm going to go find something sweet to eat and then try to find purpose in life

[therosewoods]

you've been pretty quiet about the whole ptv thing and the drama with mike. what are your thoughts about it? you used to be a big ptv blog, right?

lol yes is definitely used to be a ptv blog!! 

ok so i’ve been pretty vocal about this on my twitter and my private instagram account (as well as in my real life lol) but you’re right i haven’t really said anything here. i don’t really have a reason for that, i just haven’t had the motivation to write out a big post since my opinion is very much out there on other platforms. that being said, i will throw in my thoughts now that i’ve been asked about them:

okay, so like you mentioned, i was a HUGE ptv fan. i still very much am, but it used to be my entire life. these guys are the reason i’m in the scene at all and they were my first ever concert. i’ve been listening to them for nearly five years (seventh grade to junior in high school). i’ve seen them live ten times and i’ve saved every piece of confetti and every ticket i’ve ever gotten from going to their shows. i even have tony’s pick (which i picked up from the ground and stuck IN MY MOUTH so i wouldn’t lose it until i got to my hotel room) so, huge fan right? right. 

just before all of this happened, i saw them at the same place, same festival i saw them at for the first time, over four years ago. i was on top of the world bc this show reminded me again how much of a ride or die i am for these guys. with all of the shit about gross band guys coming out, i though about how lucky i was that this would never happen to my band (lol). like, i’ve always thought that i was lucky this way, bc when all of that shit with front porch step back in the day, ptv were my guys and they’d never done anything wrong up to that point so i was okay. 

then this stuff with mike happened. i saw someone vague tweet about it, so i was confused and i had to dig through twitter to find the original post. when i read it, i felt sick. at first i completely doubted it, but as i kept re-reading it and going through the thread, the more i started to believe it. i didn’t want to think that someone i loved for so long could be so irresponsible, but it kind of added up to me. 

my school has late starts on wednesday, so instead of going in at 8 like i usually do, i went in at like 9:30. and i was so sick and upset that i ended up going home early bc i just… couldn’t handle it. like… one of my favorite people was now completely different to me and i couldn’t deal. 

now, one thing that really bothered me about this whole thing was how long it took them (or anyone else!*) to make a statement. I completely understand that it does take time for people to release statements, but in my opinion this took too long. i mean i can somewhat understand because it was around thanksgiving but it REALLY rubbed me the wrong way when they were posting about their black friday sales while keeping the whole situation hush, hush. it may have been their team doing that for them, but it looked really shady and like they were brushing this under the rug so as not to interfere with the most profitable time of the year.

*and what i mean by “or anyone else!” is that Alternative Press, Kerrang!, and Rock Sound did not say ANYTHING about this situation until AFTER the statement came out. with other bands in the scene, they write articles almost immediately and update their readers as more information comes out, and then once a band finally releases a statement, they end with that. but they didn’t do anything with pierce the veil. the only websites i found talking about this was tiny underground music blogs that gain no traction and that i had to DIG to find. again, this makes it look shady and like they’re deliberately sweeping things under the rug. i don’t want to outright accuse them of doing that or anything, but it definitely looked bad.

anyway, i worried myself sick waiting for their statement. i checked literally every day and it was the biggest thing on my mind. i found out that they released a statement when someone on twitter posted about it. now, (and again this is gonna be over thinking things, blah, blah) but it does bother me a LITTLE that they only posted this on their facebook (and have since deleted the post), as a lot of people don’t use facebook. it would have reached more people if they had posted a link to the statement on their twitter and released the statement in full on their tumblr page (also pls feel free to correct me if they did post it on their tumblr and have since deleted it! i just can’t find it rn so maybe they did? idk.) because again, it makes it look like they are hiding this and deliberately making sure that it reaches less people. the only way i found the post was going to the Alt. Press twitter and scrolling down to find the like they posted. (which i have now noticed seems to be missing from their website…)

now, i don’t really have many issues with the statement, other than the fact that the way they worded it makes it sound like mike could be allowed back in the band. “So, I have decided to take a break and step away from my position in the band..,” and, “While away from the band…” these two phrases make it sound like he will come back, which, in my opinion, is a horrible move and could seriously jeopardize their careers. 

i mean, honestly, how many parents are going to allow their kids to go to these shows now that they know the drummer has been accused of sleeping with a minor? there is seriously no fucking way my parents are letting me go to their shows, and these are two people who have loved ptv along with me for years. it just doesn’t seem appropriate to have him back when the majority of their fanbase is the age the girl he “dated” was, or younger. also, doing so would completely change the dynamic of their tours. if he’s let back in, you can kiss meet and greets and fans pulled up on stage for Bulletproof, goodbye. those things won’t happen or be acceptable anymore. 

mike is one person of a four-piece band, and he is not the lead singer. yes, it is difficult because he is vic’s brother, and he is and incredible drummer, but he is replaceable. it would be ridiculous to allow him to ruin their careers, and if he truly cares about the other three in the band, he will permanently step away from the band so as not to tarnish their reputations as well. i sincerely doubt that at this point in time he needs the money he would get from being an active member in the band, and i’m sure that they would be more than capable of working out some sort of deal where he can still make a living off of his contributions to the band.

now, for all of the shitty comments that people give in order to justify his actions:

1) i do not care if the age of consent in [INSERT RANDOM COUNTRY/STATE NAME HERE] is lower than 18. in california, where this situation took place, the legal age of consent IS 18. Maybe you disagree with that, but the law in this state clearly states that it is illegal for an adult to be engaged in sexual acts with a minor. also, the way people are raised in different countries can be completely different to how they’re raised in a place like california. not to mention that even if this is the case, it still doesn’t automatically make it right for an adult to date a teenager.

2) stop bringing up the fact that vic and danielle have a ten year age difference. yes, they met when she was 18, but she was of age, and they weren’t in a committed relationship until she was twenty. this argument is void. next,

3) why would this girl be bringing this to light solely because she was jealous of him and was upset that their relationship had ended? wouldn’t she have done that as soon as they had ended things? also, how would she have known that they’d be at the height of their career right now? did you truly believe that 10 years ago, she thought to herself, “in 10 years i’ll get back at him for breaking my heart because that’s when they’re be really big” ??? like, they would have broken up around the time that their second album was coming out, and they were nowhere near the level of fame they are now. how was she to know that they’d be bigger than just some little local band who were barely making a name for themselves? come on.

4) you can support the band without supporting mike. they are not less of a band without him and they should not be reduced to having to live with his actions haunting them. supporting the other members of the band doesn’t automatically mean that you condone Mike’s actions. but it also doesn’t make you less any of a fan to not want him back. 

5) i dont care if you were 14 when you started dating your 20 year old boyfriend or whatever and so you think this was okay. it’s not and i’m sorry that your adult partner thinks it’s cool to date kids.

6) no, i do not believe that he is some evil, horrible, monster of a person. but i still don’t want him back in the band. he did something incredibly irresponsible and damaging some time ago, and these are his consequences. i believe that what he did was wrong, and i do not want him back. there is not changing my mind on this and if he is allowed back, i can no longer support the band. it breaks my heart to even think about that, but that is the way it has to be for me. here’s to hoping that it doesn’t have to come to that, but only time will tell.