#also sometimes i realize i might be arospec bc like i feel attraction rarely and im realizing its not the same way a lot of allo ppl i know-

[mangoes-and-mothman]

why can't i be normal about feelings!

[arodabi]

Whats an aromantic flag and why you should include it in your pride posts

disclaimer: i know theres fighting every year about who should and shouldn’t be included in pride posts, this isn’t to argue with people who just hate aspec ppl, this is an informational post. don’t send me bullshit about it

Why should you include aro flags?

many people believe that aromanticism is covered under the asexual flag, so if they include that they’re including aros, however that’s not the case. aro and ace people share the aspec community, but one identity does not fall under the other. It’s less like using the trans flag as an umbrella for all trans and nonbinary people even if there’s a separate nonbinary flag, and more like using the transmasc pride flag to represent all transmascs and transfems. Aros are just not covered under the ace flag because both groups are separate identities. people can be aro and ace but not all aros are ace.

aro is also an incredibly important identity for a lot of people, something we take a lot of pride in. we get relegated to “minor or add on identity” all the time because people keep thinking of us as the -romantic version of asexual. we have multiple terms, multiple flags, and a huge array of different aro experiences, we are not a subset of asexuality and many of us wish for that to be more respected.

last on the reasons of why you should include aros in pride posts is that we have no larger umbrella flag, unless we’re counting the rainbow flag. the aro flag is the umbrella flag for arospec identities. if you don’t include it then we aren’t being included. and this isn’t me telling you you have to include an aro option for everything you make (tho that would be nice) ppl have the right to choose what flags they want to include. but theres been many times when i see people add  flags representing all parts of the community except aro, and then add on smaller more niche flags. i don’t want this to come across as another post like “how dare you include X flag but not Y flag!!!” because i think everyone should have the joy of representation, i just think many people don’t realize they’re even leaving aros out. either through lack of awareness or lack of knowledge on what the aro flag actually is, and that’s what i wanna help with this post.

What even is the aro flag?

Let’s start with what it’s not:

[ID: a flag with four horizontal stripes. from the top down they are green, yellow, orange and black. End ID]

This was the first proposed aro flag. We do not use it anymore for a couple reasons, the main one is that it resembled another countries flag too closely and was getting confused. I’d think this one would have died out by now but i literally just saw a post include it today.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, yellow, grey, and black. End ID]

This was the second popular aro flag. It is very close to the main aro flag now except the middle stripe is yellow. That stripe was changed due to causing some people sensory problems. This one is sometimes still accidentally used, probably because it looks very close to the main flag, but it’s not the main aro flag either.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are black, grey, white, light green, and dark green. End ID]

I’ve actually seen this flag used a lot by people not very knowledgeable about aros. This is a flipped version of the aro flag. I also for the life of me can’t find an example of this but i’ve seen more than once a version that is flipped and removes a stripe of green so it looks like a recolored ace flag. These are pretty common, enough for me to have seen multiple people selling merch with this incorrect flag. I think it comes from people thinking the aro flag is the same as the ace one which does start with black at the top and has only four stripes.

[ID: A flag with seven horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are black, grey, white, green, white, grey, and black. End ID]

Yeah, this is the agender flag, not the aro flag. I see these get mixed up all the time. It’s not hard so see why with similar colors and a white grey black gradient, but as someone who is agender and aro, it kinda gets on my nerves when people mix these up. Also no this is not the same color palette as the aro flag. I’ve seen people make designs labeled as agender/aromantic that just use the agender color palette. The aro flag has two greens and they’re both different than the agender green.

[ID: Two flags next to each other. The first one has five horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are orange, light orange, white, light blue, dark blue. The second flag has eight horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, white, grey, black, grey, white, and purple. End ID]

These are two common aroace flag designs. These flags are used by a lot of people and you might see them included in pride posts. These are good flags, however, they should not be used to represent all aros. Including an aroace flag does not mean you’re including all aros and all aces, it means you’re including just aroaces. There’s plenty of aros who aren’t ace and aces who aren’t aro. It’d be like putting a gay trans flag in a post and saying its there to represent all gay and all trans people, when the flag is usually used to represent only people who are both gay and trans. Again, these flags are not bad, and them being included in pride posts is good actually, but they should not be used to represent all aro and all ace people.

Now let’s go over what actually is the aro flag:

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, white, grey, and black. End ID]

This is the main aro flag. It’s the one most widely used and recognized. The color meanings are dark green and light green representing the spectrum of aro identities, white meaning friendship, and grey and black representing the spectrum of sexual identities in the aro community.

But wait there’s more!

The aro identity is a spectrum, meaning theres more identities under aromantic, and they have their own flags too. If you really wanna go wild and include some other aro flags heres some more. (this is not a full list of all arospec identities, just some i see around the most. feel free to look into more arospec identities and flags! also all of these definitions are coming from me and my personal knowledge of aro identities, i do not identify as any of these though, only as aromantic, so if i give the wrong definition please tell me so i can fix it!)

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, white, yellow, and dark yellow. End ID]

This is the alloaro flag. Alloaros are aros who aren’t ace. They deserve more support and attention because they’re really amazing members of the aro community.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are dark green, grey, white, grey, and dark green. End ID]

This is the greyromantic flag. Greyromantic means someone who feels romantic attraction rarely. The term greyromantic is also sometimes used to mean aro identities that still feel some form of romantic attraction.

[ID: A flag with four horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are black, green, aqua, and grey. End ID]

the quoiromantic or WTFromantic flag. It means someone who can’t or doesn’t want to tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction basically. It’s got a special place in my heart bc i used to id as quoi.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are red orange, orange, yellow, white, and black. End ID]

This is the Lithromantic flag. Lithromantic means someone who feels romantic attraction but doesn’t want it reciprocated, or may no longer feel romantic attraction when it is reciprocated.

[ID: A flag with a black, sideways triangle on the left side pointing right and three horizontal stripes. The first stripe from the top is a thick white stripe, the next stripe is thin and dark green, and the bottom stripe is thick and grey. End ID]

The demiromantic flag. Someone who is demiro doesn’t feel romantic attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone.

And there’s many more arospec identities!

I hope i’ve helped to clear up some misconceptions about aros and our flags! We’re not under the ace umbrella, we’re our own community. We all have different experiences, different relationships to our identity, and I hope to see more people represent aros this year!

Have a happy pride month!

[asexual-society]

Hi I’ve been unsure of what to call this? I’m not sure if this is alloromantic or aromantic, and I’m really confused on just everything. If this makes you uncomfortable or you don’t want to reply feel free to delete. I’m just not sure who to talk to about this as all my close people are allo.

I’ve realized recently, after also realizing recently I’m ace, that my romantic experiences are different than my peers. I’m in my late 20’s and I’ve only felt genuine romantic attraction once in my life, and it’s with my current partner. Usually the feelings leave, I feel trapped in a relationship, I panic and then move on bc it makes me almost uncomfortable? But not with my partner rn.

I enjoy being with my partner and dating them and I’m in love! And it’s weird bc this is a first for me, but I think I may be on the aro spectrum? I’ve always wanted and dreamed of romance for myself but other than my partner, it would send me running and would cause me to feel feel sick, uncomfortable, and I’d try to find a way out. I’ve been looking at different identities and some fit, some don’t, I see that I have a lot of aromantic experiences that others share, but not one fits?

I’m always left stumped bc I’m not sure if I can call myself arospec if I’m in a relationship and enjoying it, even if it’s the only time and first time I’ve experienced actual romantic attraction. Past relationships or the thought of them seemed nice in theory, but in reality I’d have full on panic attacks sometimes to the point of getting sick. I notice I even still often get repulsed by pda, but fine with it with me and my partner. Seeing it in movies, irl, just makes me so uneasy I have to look away.

And it’s been like that ever since I can remember. I honestly rarely feel attraction and the first time I have is in my late 20’s so I’m just confused and honestly scared even tho I’m genuinely happy. Could I identify as aspec? Like is that something I can identify as even if I’m in a relationship rn? I’m just now learning of these terms now at my age and just didn’t know that was something I could identify as, or if I can. If there’s anything hurtful or offensive I’ve said I am sincerely sorry and that’s not my intention at all, please correct me if I’ve said anything ignorant or offensive.

Also I’m so sorry this was so long!!

Hey! Don't worry, this wasn't offensive at all you're okay. It certainly sounds like you could be on the aromantic spectrum if you've only experienced romantic attraction once by your late 20s.

A lot of the feelings of anxiety to do with romantic relationships are honestly really relatable, I'm aromantic and I completely feel like that about the idea of dating or being in a relationship, and seeing or hearing about PDA. I'm about to throw a whole bunch of labels at you now but you don't need to take any or all of this in right away, it can be a bit overwhelming, so take your time, there's no rush.

You could use the label greyromantic, which essentially means that you experience romantic attraction extremely rarely, which it sounds like is the case for you, or possibly lithromantic, if you find you sometimes have romantic feelings but they fade once you act on them. Thinking back to when you first fell for your current partner, would you say you were extremely emotionally close with them beforehand? If so you might be demiromantic, or if you feel like multiple labels fit, but not entirely or all the time you could try aroflux, where your romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum changes while still being on that spectrum. You could call yourself angled aroace if you are on both the aro and ace spectrums but still experience some attraction (in this case it would be to your partner).

You don't need to use a hyperspecific label if you don't want to, or can't find one that entirely fits, arospec or aspec are both good umbrella terms you might prefer, or even just aro (or aroace). If you feel comfortable using the label queer you are more than welcome to it too.

While I'm here, regardless of where you fall on the aro spectrum, from what you've said it definitely sounds like you're romance repulsed. This is common among aromantic people, but you don't have to be aro to be romance repulsed, and many aros aren't romance repulsed. You also don't have to be repulsed by every aspect of romance in order to use that label, if you're comfortable with it in certain situations, but repulsed to the point of panic attacks, or just feel uncomfortable seeing PDA or kissing on TV, that still counts.

I really hope this helps you, feel free to send another ask if you need :)

- mod key

[therubyjailcell]

Hey, hope you’re having a good day! I wanted to ask if you have any tips for questioning aro/ace-spec ? What helped with figuring it out and stuff ?

hey, i hope you’re having a good day too! and, well, idk how much i can help, but i’ll try my best!

(okay, so, i wrote a whole lot of things, so i’m gonna make a quick summary beforehand)

TL;DR - i realized i was ace p easily, and idk if i can help much, i just kinda realized that non ace peeps had sexual attraction and i never felt that, and that was it. i had to deal however w a lot of internalized phobia for the arospec part, so that might be a more in depth topic? i just ended up having to face the fact that i wasn’t alloromantic and that i not only needed to know people very well before developping feelings, but also that it was rarely romantic crushes that i got, and the discovery of other types of attraction was very helpful.

(more detailed under the cut, TW trauma mention, internalized phobia mention)

huuuh, i realized i was ace p easily, through instagram actually? i didn’t know much about lgbtq+ stuffs, and when i made my insta account, i looked into asexuality first, bc my ex at the time was using the label, and i was curious about what it meant and all that, and then, when i read, i was like “wait, hold up, you’re telling me. that some people. are sexually attracted to other people??? that’s a thing???” and then i just kinda rolled w it and decided that since i didn’t feel any sexual attraction, that must’ve meant i was ace. it wasn’t much of a questioning? it just made sense to me at the time, still does now.

it also probably helped that i didn’t face acephobia at all when i decided on the label? like, where i looked, there wasn’t anyone being an asshole and all that, i looked into inclusionist stuffs, and it actually helped tons, because people said it was okay, and it helped me accept it easily and not get into a whole lot of “oh god, i’m bad” or whatever. i just kinda realized that i was supposed to know what a certain type of attraction was and that all i knew was that i had nothing that fit these criterias, and that’s it!

as for the arospec part, this one’s a bit more complicated to me ig? bc i had quite the internalized arophobia on some stuffs. like, i never thought it was bad for others to be aro, i just went “not me tho” a lot. which isn’t good, but that’s bc i was raised w the idea that romance was the final line and all that, and because i was still processing through a trauma that was on the whole romance and wedding subject. so, yeah, it took me a while to get there? but eventually, i realized that no, not everyone needed to know the people before getting feelings for them.

also, i also discovered all the different attractions that may exist (platonic, queerplatonic, alterous) and i went “wait hold up, you’re telling me that the feelings. when i’m kinda attracted to someone but i don’t really wanna date them or anything, i just. wanna have them around. could be platonic, queerplatonic or alterous? you’re telling me i got all these options???” and it explained so much suddenly! bc a lot of my exes, i liked them a lot, but not in a romantic way, but i didn’t have a word to explain that it wasn’t friendship either, and now i had the word, and it fit. so that helped figuring it out. it also helped to know i had other options than romance, and coming to term with the idea that romance isn’t necessarily the only option, nor the “better option”, and that you can absolutely be happy with other stuffs.

also! it helped that, at the time, i started planning my future again, with my childhood best friend, and that’s when we started to think about getting a little café where we’d also sell and play tabletop games and stuffs. and it sounded really nice, and not at all like i was missing out on anything? yeah.

all in all, keep in mind that i am arospec and that i experience some romantic attraction, it’s just rare? so i can’t speak for people who don’t feel any romantic attraction. and sadly, i’m still working on the internalized phobia, bc sometimes the amatonormativity catches up to me, and that’s annoying, and ngl, i don’t have a lot of ways to help deal w that? also! idk how much i could help if you’re non-SAM (non Split Attraction Model), bc i do experience different attractions, so yeah

if you got any more specific questions (i’m sorry, i ramble a lot, and idk if i even answered any of your questions, i’m so sorry), i’m here! and yknow, feel free to pm me if you feel comfier like that, or keep sending asks - anything is good! idk how much help i can be but!!! you go!!! finding the labels that fit can take a while, and you’re valid for questioning your identity, and i hope you’ll be safe no matter what