#also snape went to catholic school and i refuse to believe other wise

[mixedsnape]

Snapemas day 3: Smiles

In December, on the half day just before Christmas break, they were making presents for their parents in class. Most kids made glittery picture frames or salt dough ornaments, felt stockings or construction paper snowflakes. He didn’t know what to make, so he sat in the corner and pushed around the wooden beads on his desk.

[owo I only finished this at like 4 in the morning so its. late. also uh Tobias is here, but theres no like. Abusive stuff going on.]

@deepperplexity

3. Smiles 

Severus' dad was scary. He never knew when his dad would be mean or nice, if he would come home with a big frown and start yelling and throwing things or if he would come with a grin and a gift from work. He liked when his dad was happy, he could deal with his dad being mad, but he never knew what to do when he was quiet. 

He knew when winter was coming, not just because he had to bundle up in his mums old coats to go to school, but because his dad would start getting quiet. He stopped being angry and happy and sometimes wouldn’t even talk to him. He would come home and lock himself in his room. He didn’t even come down for dinner sometimes. 

His mum told him once that dad was like a bear. When winter came, he just got tired is all and they had to do a little more around the house so he could rest. So Severus made sure to be extra quiet around the house and to pay attention in school and help his mum make dinner at night, so that when his dad got home, maybe he could be happy. 

But winter came every year, and his dad went quiet anyways, taking his bottles up to his room at night and gone before he woke up in the morning. Some days, he didn’t leave his bed. And Severus couldn’t do anything about it. 

In December, on the half day just before Christmas break, they were making presents for their parents in class. Most kids made glittery picture frames or salt dough ornaments, felt stockings or construction paper snowflakes. He didn’t know what to make, so he sat in the corner and pushed around the wooden beads on his desk. 

“Severus?” his teacher, Sister Catherine, came up to his desk, kneeling down to see what he was doing, “Have you decided what to make?”

He shrugged, hoping she would move on, but she didn’t seem to take the hint. “Well, you could use those beads to make a bracelet for your mummy? Or you could come make an ornament?”

“It's fine,” he really didn’t want to go over to make something with the other kids. Most of them didn’t like him. 

“Well you can’t just make nothing,” She picked him up out of his desk, ignoring his little yelp, “Find something!”

Severus nodded, mostly because he knew he didn’t have a choice.

He looked around the class for something easy, something he didn’t have to try on.  He didn’t want to even touch the salt dough, he didn’t like the sound of the construction paper being cut, the glitter-

The glitter? He went over to the bottles of glitter, sparkling in the dull classroom light, beside the pompoms and sequins and pipe cleaners. He picked one up and shook it, watching the light catch on the different little pieces as they moved. It made him smile, just a little, and he had an idea of what to make. 

He scrambled across the table to grab the big, nearly empty sequin jar and dumps a whole pile of glitter into it. Then, he grabs another colour of glitter and dumps that in too. He shakes the jar around to mix everything up and he thinks it looks amazing. 

Severus looks around for something else to put in, to make it even better. He grabs the wooden beads from off his desk, a few of the mismatch coloured legos from the play area, and a few of the colourful push pins off the teacher's desk (when she wasn't watching). He puts them all together in the jar until it’s half full with colours and sparkles and it makes a loud clinging noise whenever he moves it. He’s too caught up in watching everything move together to realize Sister Catherine is coming up behind him.

“What have you made, Severus?” She asks, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“Its um,” He looks at it and bites his lip, “It’s a pretty jar. For my dad.”

“It’s pretty!” Sister Catherine grabs for the jar and Severus can’t do anything to stop her. She holds it up to the light to see the glitter and tries not to frown when she sees the thumbtacks. She shakes the jar and hears it jingle, “this is so nice, Severus! But you know what would be nice? If we could make it a little bit quieter.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I think it looks really nice, but maybe your dad would appreciate a little quiet?” She holds his hand and brings him away from the desk and to the classroom sink, “If we fill it with water, we can watch the glitter and the... colours fall without it being so loud.”

Severus nods, and she helps him lift the jar up into the sink basin and fill it up. Once it’s full, it’s too heavy and slippery to lift it out, so she has to help him again to carry it over to his desk and he really hopes he doesn’t look as embarrassed as he feels. 

Sister Catherine tells him they’re going to start cleaning up to finish off the day, and Severus spends the rest of the day staring at the glitter and wanting to hurry up and go home.

At the end of the day, he puts on his coat and shoes and promises his teacher he doesn’t need any help carrying the jar and he sets off.

He knows the way home, he’s walked home every day since he was old enough to know how, and he goes a good few streets without slowing down, but now he’s being weighed down by the heavy jar and the cold. He can tell that he’s moving slower than normal and it only makes him want to move faster so he can get home already!

He doesn’t want to stop for anything but halfway home, he can feel himself slowing to a crawl and the jar is getting colder and colder in his hands, freezing his fingers. He stops for a moment to check on his jar and can see the glass fogging from the inside, the water beginning to freeze.

Something flips in his brain and he panics, trying to think of a way to stop it from freezing. Without really thinking, Severus lifted up his jacket and slid the cold glass jar up to his belly, holding it through the fabric and getting back up to speed. He clutched the jar tight, mind racing as kids' minds are wont to do, trying his best to keep it warm in the freezing cold. If it froze, he couldn't give it to his dad, couldn’t show him how pretty it was, how hard he worked on it, and then how was he supposed to cheer him up? How was he supposed to help? 

Severus squeezed the jar until his arms hurt, from the weight and the pressure and the cold, until his chest stung from the glass pressing up against it and he could feel his body heat warming it. He just kept thinking, what if he could make his dad smile? If he could make him happy again? If he could be the one to make things better?

He's almost home, he swears almost there and the jar is finally warm and it's getting warmer and warmer until it’s hot and he’s holding it to stave off the cold from himself (and doesn’t see the slowly spreading glow coming off of it). The heat gives him that little push he needs to turn the corner onto his street, skidding on the frozen street and huffing up to his door, panting and knocking real loud so his mum can let him in.

“Severus?” the door swings open and his mum is standing over him, tired and smiling and worried all in one, “Were you supposed to get out early today?”

He nods, still gulping air and he’s so thankful when his mum pulls him inside and out of the cold. He toes off his shoes and carefully peels off his jacket, making sure not to drop the jar and turned to his mum, "Is dad home?"

She nods and he doesn't say anything about how that means his dad didn't go to work that day, instead asking, "Can I see him?"

"I suppose so, just behave yourself," His mum looked him over, eyeing the jar in his hands, "What is that?"

"I made dad a present in class today," he lifted it to show her, “I wanted to give it to him."

She looked between him, the jar and the stairs for a minute, then sighed, telling him to go ahead. 

Severus tried not to run up the stairs, but he wanted to see his dad now and having to run everywhere was so slow! So he bounced up the stairs and into his parents room, completely forgetting to knock until the door was already swung open and he was staring into the dark room, the only light coming in from the open door. 

He could hear his own breathing and the creak of the floor when he walked over to his parent’s bedside, to his dad, curled up under the blanket and facing away from him. 

“Dad?” He nudged his shoulder, “Are you awake?”

He moved, shrugging off Severus’ hand, but didn’t answer.

“Dad,” he tried a little bit louder, “Daaad.”

“What, boy?” his dad grumbled, turning his head just slightly. He couldn’t see Severus, but it was at least a sign he was listening to him.

“I- well,” He lifted the jar up a little higher, steeling himself, “I made you something in class. I wanted to give it to you.”

His dad was quiet for a long moment, but sighed, picking himself up a little bit and turning to face him, to see what he’d brought. He looked at Severus, eyes squinting in the dark, and then to the jar, face twisting. “What is that?”

“It’s a... jar.” He held it up to the light and shook it so his dad could see all the glitter and sequins and blocks and beads he had put inside and he swore it didn’t shine like that at school, but maybe it was just the hallway light going through it, “I thought it looked nice and maybe it would help cheer you up!” His dad sat up fully, so he held the jar out for his dad to take. As soon as the jar was out of his hands, he felt how cold the room was and wondered just how hot the jar actually was. “I hugged it the whole way hope to make sure it didn’t freeze!”

The jar looked a lot smaller in his dad’s hands, but he was staring at it, watching the beads and glitter fall through the water. Severus couldn’t help the pride he felt when his dad’s lip twitched just a little in the corner. His dad, even if he was still quiet and tired, smiled at him and Severus beamed. 

“It’s great, Sev. Thanks.”