#also sam getting the year from the license tag reminds me

[writershapeholeonthedoor]

Baby Driver

Pairing: Kara Danvers x Lena Luthor

Summary: Lena doesn't know how to drive and Kara offers to teach her so she can take her license, however, driving proves to be harder than Lena thought it would be.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language. I kind of stole someone's idea from a tag on a post, but they totally told me I could do it!

READ ON AO3 | MASTERPIECE

“Wait, you don’t know how to drive?”

Lena knew she had said too much when every head turned at her with equally surprised looks. It had been a silly comment about how she would have to wait for Sam to stop to drive her by every morning when they first started working together and forged their friendship. Her intention was to tell her friends about her rebellious times against the Luthor family and how she spent months refusing to take anything from them, which included their hired drivers, not to mention their money as well, that being the reason why Lena couldn’t take a cab and had to wait for Sam to walk to her apartment complex so they could take Lena’s second-hand car to work. It was supposed to be a funny thing where her friends would laugh at her stubbornness, maybe tease her for having Sam walk all the way to her apartment just so they could take Lena’s car for work. She was also partially waiting to engage in a conversation with J’onn about the very old car she managed to buy with the amount of money she was making at her very first job.

That’s not what happened, though.

Well, her friends did laugh at her story but, of course, Alex, being the secret agent she liked to think she was, picked up on the small detail in what Lena said that the youngest Luthor had thought no one would even notice.

With a groan, Lena threw her head back against the back of the couch, silently cursing herself for the slip-up. Sitting beside her on the comfortable couch was Kara, who placed a gentle hand on her forearm draped lazily across the couch between them, and Lena forced herself to look at their friends again. She had to make a conscious effort not to melt against Kara and forget about everything else, so, instead of letting her lovey-dovey eyes meet Kara, she chose to point a finger at Alex instead.

“You can’t mock me. I was too busy getting a double degree along with a doctorate.”

The redhead raised her hands in mock surrender from where she was sitting on the floor beside Kelly, with sweet little Esme in front of them while playing with some legos. “Hey, put your guns away, Luthor. I’m just curious. You can put a rocket together with your hands tied behind your back and blindfold while also wearing a kilt-”

“I shouldn’t have told you I’m Irish,” Lena wailed.

“-and you don’t know how to drive?” Alex finished the sentence as if Lena hadn’t said anything, although she quickly pointed a finger at the brunette to add: “I cherish that information, thank you very much.”

Lena rolled her eyes and was about to argue something back, but Brainy beat her to it. “It is actually not that surprising that Lena knows how to build a rocket but can’t drive a car. Those are different things.”

“I like you,” Lena declared with a smile towards her friend which prompted a laugh from everyone else. She waited until it died down before speaking again. “But really, I just never had the time to learn. I also never had a reason to. I mean, my rebellious time lasted just a few months until I went out of money to buy books. I always had a driver ready to take me everywhere and it hadn’t changed over the years, so yes. Not everyone thinks they are going to star in the next Fast and Furious movie, Danvers.”

“I resent that,” Alex commented with a smile that let Lena know she was just joking.

Coming to her aid, Kelly placed a hand on her wife’s shoulder to keep her from teasing Lena any further. “You have time now,” she gently reminded Lena. “Don’t you want to learn it?”

Lena was happy that Kelly very gracefully avoided saying that she also didn’t have a driver anymore. After defeating Lex - again - just a few weeks ago, Lena was still trying to put her life on track. She knew she would want to put L-Corp back on its feet again, but Lena was taking her precious time to do it this time around so she wouldn’t be overloaded with work again. Meanwhile, Lena was still sharing Kara’s apartment with her, studying for another doctorate - that she honestly didn’t need, but that was something nice to put her attention on - and spending her free time trying to come up with ways to improve Kara’s super suit, helping the rest of the team or coming to terms with her past.

It had been fun, to put it simply.

“Well, I suppose,” Lena ended up replying after considering the question for a few seconds. “It’s not something I miss, but it would be nice to know how to drive if I ever need it for some reason.”

That’s when Kara decided to jump into the conversation with her usual overly excited personality. “I can teach you.”

Before Lena could ever think about replying to that - and she would have to admit it would take a while to get her brain to function because she made the mistake of looking to the side and she met Kara’s blinding beautiful smile and bright blue eyes, and it was just too much to handle - Alex had her own input in the subject. “No way! You’re a terrible driver, Kara!”

“I’m not!” The blonde quickly argued as she glanced at her sister with her mouth hanging open in shock.

“You so are,” Alex scoffed.

“She’s not,” Nia said, coming to help her mentor in the stupid argument going on. “She used to drive around a lot with me when I first started working at CatCo.”

“Thank you, Nia!” Kara exclaimed happily. “See?” She then skillfully dodged the pillow that Alex threw her way.

“How much did you pay her to say that?”

“Nothing!” Very maturely, Kara stuck her tongue out to Alex.

While everyone else shared a laugh at the sister’s antics, Lena decided to place her hand on Kara’s thigh to show her some support - and also just because she could. “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think you want to waste your time trying to teach me how to drive.”

“Of course I want!” Kara chirped in quickly, already turning herself on the couch so she could face Lena more easily. Their knees were almost brushing against it other now and it made Lena smile like a schoolgirl. “I always want to spend time with you!”

The chorus of “aww” that went around only made Lena blush a little, but she didn’t think twice before leaning over to kiss Kara’s lips - because she could do that now! She could kiss Kara now. She could just lean closer and kiss Kara’s lips, and, for the love of God, that was something Lena loved doing. Lena was almost sure that Kara had some addicting poison in her lips because she had been hooked since the first time she did that, but she honestly didn’t mind. She could kiss Kara now, and they were sharing an apartment, and they held hands while walking down the street to Noonan’s, and they drew each other silly things in the bathroom mirror just to make the other person smile when they took a shower next.

“It’s going to be fun,” Kara said after they pulled away from the chaste kiss. She didn’t go too far and her nose was still brushing against Lena’s, which made it a bit hard for the brunette to think while she looked at the bright blue eyes staring at her. “You can take your license then and we can have one of those cute dates at the parking lot theater outside town.”

Okay, Lena wanted that.

She found herself nodding before she even thought it through, though, but it was worth it when Kara yelped and pulled her in for a thigh hug. Lena laughed happily while she tried to find a comfortable position for the hug, deciding lastly to rest her cheek on Kara’s chest as her arm wrapped around the blonde’s waist. Nia and Kelly were clapping and playfully telling her words of encouragement, while J’onn was just smiling at them all and Brainy was trying to help Esme with her Lego tower, but Alex looked just a bit concerned as if she wasn’t entirely sure this was a good idea.

“Can’t you drive there?” She mumbled at Kara, but she backed away when her sister threw her a warning look. “Well, I’m sure Lena can figure out how to drive a car. She can drive a spaceship, so it won’t be a problem.”

“I will pretend I didn’t hear your sarcasm, Danvers,” Lena replied.

“And I will pretend you don’t shove your tongue down my sister’s throat, Luthor,” Alex shot back with one arched eyebrow.

Lena shrugged. “Not only there.”

The reactions she got to that were immediate and hilarious. Alex groaned and put her hands on her face, while her wife laughed loudly, falling back on the floor. Nia pretended to be shocked and covered Esme’s ears but she was also laughing when she had to lean over to explain to Brainy what Lena meant by that while J’onn announced that was his cue to go to the kitchen to grab another soda. Kara, on the other hand, blushed a deep shade of red and hugged Lena even harder so she could hide her face in the crook of Lena’s neck.

“Zhao,” the whispered the complaint against Lena’s skin, although she sounded a bit amused too.

The word of endearment, though, made Lena’s heart swell with love and pride. Kara had been more and more open about her heritage after they made amends, especially after they started that tentative relationship between them, and hearing Kara speaking her native language with her almost made Lena’s heart beat faster.

It made her raise her head, untangling herself from Kara’s arms, to peck her lips again and that had been it. The conversation ended there and they shortly decided to go back to their game of Scrabble, which Lena, of course, won. Alex, Kelly and Esme left not too long after that, with the kid already half asleep in her mom’s arms. Nia, Brainy and J’onn helped them clean up before the Martian offered the couple a ride home, and then there was only Kara and Lena left at the studio apartment.

Lena honestly thought the conversation would be forgotten soon. She knew she would eventually have to face Alex’s jokes about it every once in a while, but it was fine. Lena was a grown woman, she could handle it - and she could always make her sister-in-law shut up by making some not-so-innocent comments about Kara. She did think Kara’s offer to teach her how to drive wouldn’t be remembered, however.

So, imagine her surprise when Kara took her to a mostly empty parking lot on a Sunday afternoon when they were supposed to be home cuddling on the couch while watching a re-run of Desperate Housewives.

“Uh,” Lena said when she stopped walking. The parking lot wasn’t necessarily big since it was behind Noonan’s, and she could see two cars parked there, but she was confused because they had walked there from Kara’s apartment. “What are we doing here?”

“What do you think?” Kara asked excitedly. She had kept walking, now doing it backward so she could look at Lena, and her smile was large. “I’m teaching you how to drive!”

“What?”

“I told you I would do it, didn’t I?” Kara laughed, finally stopping in her tracks to open her arms. “So here we are!”

Lena looked around slowly. There was a large garbage bin pressed against the back of the restaurant, a few light poles spread around and, other than the two cars, there was nothing else. No trees, no bushes, no sidewalk, nothing. Even so, Lena started feeling sweat forming on her forehead because that was insane. She didn’t need to learn how to drive. She had managed to live that long without driving!

“Come on,” Kara called her while waving a hand for Lena to get closer. “It’s going to be fun!”

Lena really should learn how to say no to Kara.

That was starting to become a problem.

She sighed and started walking slowly towards the blonde, as if her slow pace could, somehow, make the other woman change her mind - or a meteor to fall from the sky right on top of her, although she was sure Kara would find a way to stop it before it happened. So, apparently, she was doomed to learn how to drive.

It wasn’t like she was afraid to do so or that she didn’t trust Kara to be a good teacher, but… Lena had never done it. She never sat behind the wheel. But it couldn’t be that hard, right? She had done harder things in her life, for sure.

“Is that Alex’s car?” Lena asked suddenly when she recognized the vehicle parked right behind Kara. The other car was all the way across the parking lot, very far away.

“Yes!” Kara answered her happily as she turned around to show it to Lena. It was a black car, beautiful she could say, and brand new.

Very new.

As in “Alex bought it two months ago” new.

Lena arched one eyebrow. “How did you convince her to let you use her car?” Alex hadn’t let anyone but herself and Kelly drive it, so Lena couldn’t even imagine how that conversation went.

“Oh, you know,” Kara waved a hand dismissively, which was enough indication that Lena wasn’t going to like her answer, “I told her I couldn’t take J’onn’s car because it’s so old and it’s very unlikely you will ever drive something like that.”

“And she just said yes?”

This time Kara hesitated. She refused to look back at Lena and her eyes kept staring at the back of the car for several seconds before she sighed. “I told her it might be nice to teach you how to drive so you could take your license in case something ever happens and you need to take Esme from school.”

The words were said in a rush, but Lena understood them clearly. She was too shocked to say anything at first, although a big smile slowly took over her face. “You bribed Alex with her own kid? Oh my, Kara Zor-El, you’re evil.”

Kara groaned, doing her best to glance at Lena with her innocent blue eyes. “I’m not even that sorry,” she admitted.

Lena laughed and approached Kara to kiss her cheek. “Come on, let’s get moving with it.”

A minute later, Lena was sitting behind the wheel for the first time in her life. Kara was sitting by her side with a grin and a very chill-out attitude, which was the complete opposite of how Lena was feeling. She had been afraid to touch anything until Kara told her she would need to adjust the review mirror and the seat, but she hadn’t moved since she did that and placed both of her hands on the wheel. Her knuckles were a bit white but they both pretended not to notice it.

“Okay, so there’s really no secret here. You’re going to start the car, change gears and put it into drive. Then you’re going to slowly step on the gas pedal while you remove your foot from the brake and you’re going to take off.”

“That’s it?” Lena asked in confirmation.

Kara chuckled. “That’s it, yes. I mean, it would’ve been harder if it was a stick-shift car, but this is automatic. You don’t have to do much, really. Just keep both hands on the steering wheel and don’t step too hard on the gas pedal.”

Lena could do that.

That was way easier than putting a rocket back together or driving a spaceship.

She could do it.

With a deep breath, Lena put her hand on the keys and turned it to get the car started. She let it go after it made a loud noise, though.

“Too much,” Kara warned her with a gentle smile. “You don’t need to hold it for that long, but it worked, so now you change the gear. You’re going to put your hand here and press this button, then you’re going to move it to drive.” She waited until Lena did that before she clapped proudly. “Yes! Now you put the handbrake down. Okay, so your left foot is going to step on the brake and your right foot is for the gas pedal. Don’t mix them,” she joked, completely missing the gulp that made Lena’s throat bob. “Slowly press the gas pedal now.”

Lena could do it.

Really.

She could.

After another deep breath, Lena used the tip of her shoe to press on the gas pedal while she took her left foot from the brake.

Things happened way too fast after that.

The car jolted suddenly, making Lena hit her back hard against the seat, and it started to move forward with small jumps. A bit in panic, Lena ended up pressing the gas pedal again and the car went forward way faster than she ever wanted it to go, and her first reaction was to pull the handbrake up. Kara, luckily, saw what she was about to do and stopped her hand from touching it.

“No, no! We don’t pull the handbrake when we’re moving,” she said with a nervous laugh. They were going a bit faster than she would like for a first class, but the parking lot was larger than it seemed and there was nothing in front of them, so it was fine. Or that’s what she told herself while her other hand moved to the grab handle. “Just take your foot from the gas pedal and step on the brake.”

That’s what Lena did next, but, again, it was with much more intent than it should have been. The car came to a very sudden stop making Lena go forward and almost hit the wheel, before she stretched out her arms and pressed herself against the seat, eyes wide and heart racing. Kara hadn’t moved at all, although the blonde was looking through the windshield with her eyebrows raised and lips pursed. For a few seconds, no one said a thing, until Kara turned her head with an awkward smile.

“Well, we need to work on being more subtle,” she commented with a still gentle voice, though Lena could see her jaw twitch a bit.

“Jesus, Kara, this was a bad idea,” Lena said with a blush and sorrowful eyes. “I’m sorry, I-”

“No, no, no,” the other woman interrupted her quickly, trying to turn on her seat to take a better look at the brunette. “Don’t apologize. You’re learning! Did you always know how to mix chemicals or sold wires together or did you have to learn it?” She laughed. “It’s going to be fine, really. This time, just try to step more lightly on the gas pedal. If you want to brake, do it slowly, okay?”

Lena still looked unsure, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she looked forward again, sighed, and decided to try again. The second time around was better than the first, but she started to panic because she thought she was about to hit a tree - that was several feet away from them - and she ended up braking way too hard again. It kept happening for a while. Lena would move a few inches and suddenly step on the brake, afraid she might hit something, to the point where they hadn’t even reached the end of the parking lot to start making their way back.

Kara could feel herself getting a bit frustrated because, no matter what she said, Lena would still freak out and stop the car instead of keep driving. And not a smooth stop either. However, Kara refrained from saying anything about it since she knew that was the first time Lena was ever driving a car and because she knew that losing her temper wouldn’t help anyone. Even if Lena was having trouble making the car drive in a straight line.

“Okay, we’re going to stop here and try to turn around,” Kara said after another particular hard stop. Lena had started sweating at some point and she looked at the blonde as if she had suggested they jump off a cliff after she said that. “Lena, you need to learn how to turn the wheel, come on. Besides, if we keep going straight, you won’t have enough space to turn later.”

“Maybe that’s enough lesson for today,” Lena suggested with a grimace.

But Kara just chuckled. “We’ve been here for half an hour.” She must have seen the panic in Lena’s eyes though, because she softened her features and placed a warm hand on the other woman’s thigh. “We will cover the basics today and return some other day, okay?”

“Okay,” Lena agreed quietly.

“Good.” Kara leaned to kiss Lena’s cheek before she returned to her seat - her hand had not left the grab handle since the first time Lena stepped on the pedal. “Now, you’re going to go forward and, once you drive past that like mark on the floor, you’re going to start turning the wheel. We need to make a curve so we will be facing the other way, so don’t stop turning it, but remember to do it slowly. Don’t do it too fast or too hard or we will be jerked to the side. Oh, and take care with the garbage bin.”

Lena wasn’t sure if her heart beating fast or her sweaty palms were the worst, but she had no idea that driving would make her feel a step away from a heart attack. However, she didn’t want to let Kara down. She wanted to prove to her girlfriend that she could do it, that she could learn how to drive, but she also wanted Kara to be happy that she was the one who taught Lena. And Lena couldn’t deny that she also wanted to take Kara on that date the blonde had mentioned.

“Hey,” Kara softly called her when Lena kept staring at something in the distance. She waited until the younger Luthor was looking at her again before smiling and reaching out to take one of her hands for the steering wheel. “What if I tell you something funny to help you relax?” Neither of them missed the way Lena nodded eagerly at that, but Kara chose not to mention it. “Okay, so, I’m actually a good driver. I can hear when cars are getting closer, I respect literally all traffic laws, and I had never got involved in an accident. However…” Kara’s tone became playful and, even if Lena didn’t know the end of the story yet, it already made her smile. “I like to tease Alex a little bit. So, whenever she lets me drive, I go just a bit faster and make the curves a bit too closely to the other cars, and I pretend I’m not going to stop at the red lights or that I’m not seeing people crossing the road.” Kara chuckled.

Lena also laughed, shaking her head in amusement. “That’s why she said you’re a terrible driver?”

“Yes.” The blonde glanced up and winked at her. “I just like to see her squirm in her seat and it’s quite funny when she starts turning green,” she admitted shamelessly.

“You’re terrible,” Lena laughed, not even noticing how tension left her body.

“I know, but it’s fun.” Kara shrugged. “It’s nearly impossible for me to ever hit a car I’m driving. Come on, I have super senses and perfect reflexes. I can stop from hitting someone or something, and I can hear if someone is about to hit me and get out of the way. I don’t think Alex ever realized that, though.” She paused to narrow her eyes at Lena. “And you’re not going to tell her.”

Lena shook her head quickly. “Never, but I kind of want to be in the car the next time you drive her somewhere.”

“Deal,” Kara conceded with an overly dramatic handshake before she leaned closer to kiss Lena’s lips. “Now, come on. We can go home after you make the turn, I think you had enough emotions for one day.”

Lena felt much better after Kara’s little anecdote, much more confident too because she had Supergirl in the car with her. It was unlikely that anything bad would happen. So, with a small smile, Lena decided to get going with it.

She took her foot from the brake and stepped on the gas pedal, and, for the first time that day, the car didn’t jerk suddenly. It actually moved really smoothly and Lena didn’t feel the need to stop. She kept it going slow, looking at the review mirrors even if she knew there was no one behind her, and reminding herself that the trees were far away from where they were. Lena drove past the mark that Kara pointed out before and slowly, very slowly, started to turn the wheel.

“Very nice!” Kara celebrated. “Just keep going.” Lena surprisingly made the turn almost perfectly, although she did pull the wheel a bit harder when she got closer to the garbage bin even if it was clear she wasn’t going to hit it. Upon seeing that, Kara yelled like Lena had just saved the world again. “Keep going! Don’t stop! You’re doing great, just keep driving until we’re back to where we were parked before.”

Lena could do it.

It wasn’t that hard, really.

She just needed to keep both hands on the wheel and remember not to put too much strength into things.

Oh, no, they had another garbage bin?!

“Oh,” Kara breathed out when Lena pivoted the steering wheel so quickly that not even the alien saw it coming. “Wait, Lena, turn it again.” Again, she did it way faster than she should’ve and Kara almost moved to grab the steering wheel from her, but she kept herself from doing that at the same time she bit her bottom lip to hold back a scream. “Just keep going straight, okay? There’s nothing in front of you, you’re not going to hit anything.”

If Lena wasn’t panicking at that moment, she would’ve noticed how on edge Kara sounded and how badly she was holding herself from being unnecessarily rude - though it would’ve been a reaction out of fear. But, since Lena was too busy thinking that the trees were getting closer and that the garbage bin was moving toward her, her only concern was to keep driving. Which, ironically, was the opposite reaction she was having before when she would brake every few seconds.

Kara grabbed the seat beneath her and straightened her back as she held her breath, trying to show Lena she trusted her at the same time her brain was telling her she shouldn’t be trusting Lena right now. She saw the brunette driving mostly in a straight line after the sudden pivot from before and tried to relax, which didn’t work when she saw Lena driving past the point where she was supposed to stop.

“Lena-” she tried to warn her but got too afraid to say something that would make the brunette do something wrong again. “Uh…”

Kara’s eyes kept moving around while she tried to make sure everything was fine, though her hand grabbed her seat a bit harder. There was nothing to the sides, just the trees very far away and the back of Noonan’s, which was also not that close. The only thing in front of them was the other car parked there - which she knew belonged to the Noonan’s manager - but it was still a bit far and she was sure Lena was seeing it. It was right in the way and Lena wasn’t blind. She also seemed very eager to press the brake before, so Kara was sure they weren’t going to hit it.

Almost sure.

Once they got closer, Kara moved in her seat. “Lena… The… Uh, the car. You need to…”

Lena moved the steering wheel to the side, allowing Kara to breathe again, and the blonde let out a nervous chuckle when she looked to the side at the other woman. Well, now she was just thinking Lena was messing with her the same way she used to do with Alex. And, okay, fine, maybe she should stop doing that with her sister because it was actually a bit scary.

When Kara looked forward again, though, she saw the other car way closer than it should be.

Kara didn’t think twice before stretching her arm across Lena’s chest to hold her in place and avoid her getting hurt, and, a second later, both cars hit with a loud noise.

And then there was silence.

Kara’s arm was still holding Lena in place and they were both looking outside with wide eyes - though the brunette was the clear image of someone panicking while Kara just held no emotion in her face. Luckily, the airbag hadn’t been triggered since the car wasn’t that fast, but Kara could see the dents in both cars even without moving. Incredulous, Kara glanced around to make sure she had seen things right before.

There was nothing else there. Nothing. Just a single car that Lena managed to hit when she had all the space in the world to drive around it.

Unbelievable.

“Oh, no,” Lena breathed out finally, which put Kara into action immediately.

“Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

Blue eyes moved to study the woman beside her to make sure she had been able to prevent Lena from getting hurt, searching for a scratch or a bruise, anything. Lena, however, just turned her head to look at her with wide eyes and a bit maniac expression. “You said it was impossible to get into a car accident with you!”

“I wasn’t the one driving!” Kara quickly defended herself in the same loud tone Lena had used, although she couldn’t help but start seeing some humor in it.

Holy shoot. Lena hit the only thing around them with Alex’s car.

“Fuck!” Lena yelled before putting both hands on her face. “Alex is going to kill me!”

“I don’t think she will,” Kara said with a hint of humor. “I mean, it’s more likely that she will drop dead before she thinks about killing you.”

“Kara!” The brunette exclaimed when her girlfriend started laughing. “That’s not funny!”

“It kind of is!” Kara kept laughing. “Look around, Lena, you hit the only thing in front of you for miles!”

“Kara!”

Before Lena could say anything else, the back door of the restaurant opened and the manager, probably having heard the noise, stepped out to go check what was going on. Kara’s smile disappeared as soon as she spotted the old man.

“Uh-uh,” she whispered.

Lena apologized profusely to the kind man. He didn’t seem mad, but he was a bit sad about the damage to his car. It had dented his back door, although Alex’s car was in a worse condition. Still standing in front of the man, Lena made a bank transaction, sending him enough money to buy three cars like his even if the man kept telling her there was no need to give him that much money. It made Lena’s bank account go even worse than it already was since she stepped back from L-Corp, but that was the least she could do. She still had money from other investments she had made and the man literally had nothing to do with anything that happened, so, yes, he deserved the money.

After that problem was solved, Kara, who had been behind to let Lena deal with things, smiled at her and offered her an apology for not being able to stop her in time. Lena wasn’t mad at her - she could see it was her fault now that she wasn’t so nervous anymore - and they ended up hugging each other while looking at the damage to Alex’s car for a while.

“Promise me you won’t let your sister kill me,” Lena whispered after a couple of minutes.

And Kara had laughed, kissed the top of her head, and told her that Alex wouldn’t kill her. She knew her sister wouldn’t be happy, but she wouldn’t kill Lena - what she didn’t say was that she wasn’t sure Alex wouldn’t try to do it, but Lena would be fine.

Kara drove the car back to their shared apartment even after Lena said she should be there to tell Alex she hit her car, but the blonde only kissed her goodbye and went to drop off the car to her sister alone. The silence that went on for minutes after Alex stepped outside her building and saw the state of her car spoke volumes, although Kara was glad that Kelly was there to make sure her sister wasn’t going to freak out too much.

“Please, don’t be mad at her,” Kara asked her softly. “She was nervous and I should’ve taken a closer look. Lena’s feeling pretty bad already.”

Alex kept quiet for another minute before she took a shaky breath in while putting her hands on her hips. “My car,” was all she said with a trembling voice.

Standing outside, Kara was still talking with her sister about two hours later - well, she was actually letting Alex scold her for being reckless, really - when a cab stopped across the street and Lena got out of it. The blonde glanced at her sister to be sure Alex wouldn’t flip a table at her girlfriend, but her sister had dutifully snapped her mouth shut to keep herself from saying anything.

“I got you a new car,” Lena said before anyone could say something. “Exactly like this one.”

Kara saw the way her sister’s jaw moved like she was grinding her teeth, but that seemed to be enough to Alex because the redhead sighed and nodded. “You could’ve just paid for the repair, you know?”

Lena waved a hand. “It would lose market value,” she declared once she stopped beside Kara. Her girlfriend put one arm across her sounders and Lena instinctively wrapped her arm around the blonde’s waist like it was second nature already. “I also bought you another something to make it up for you.”

“Really, Lena, maybe it’s a bit too much. I mean, yes, it looks bad, but you could’ve just paid for-Holy crap!” Alex's sudden outburst occurred when she saw a truck turning around the corner. Not any truck. “You bought me a Harley-Davidson?!”

“I hate you, Luthor!” They heard Kelly yelling from the window of their shared apartment, where she had gone to take care of Esme after making sure her wife would live another day.

Lena glanced up to see her friend leaning to look down. “I got you a new coffee machine!”

After a pause, Kelly yelled back: “I love you, Lena!” and disappeared inside the apartment.

Kara laughed while she thought her sister’s neighbors must have them, but her attention quickly shifted back to the truck parked in front of the building. She saw her sister running towards it like a kid on Christmas morning and smiled when Alex started talking with the driver as soon as he stepped out of the vehicle. She had no idea how Lena managed to do that so fast, but she was sure Alex would never complain about anything else for the rest of her life.

“Why don’t I get a motorcycle?” Kara asked with a chuckle.

Lena frowned and tilted her head to the side. “You know how to drive one?”

“Of course,” the blonde shrugged.

If she noticed the way Lena’s green eyes went darker, she didn’t say anything. “Good to know,” the brunette mumbled with a smile as she looked back at her sister-in-law.

“Maybe Alex can lend me hers,” Kara joked loudly enough for her sister to hear.

“Not a change in hell,” came Alex’s immediate reply, although the woman hadn’t been able to remove the smile from her face as she said it.

They didn’t get rid of Alex’s damaged car until Lena was done with her classes - just in case, since they didn’t want any more damaged cars. It took Lena some time, but she actually became a good driver once the initial fear was gone, although it took Alex months before she agreed to enter a car that Lena was driving. And she only did that because she had to teach Lena how to parallel park.

Kara didn’t know how.

J’onn was too busy with something.

Nia and Brainy didn’t know how to drive.

And Alex wasn’t about to let her wife - the love of her life - enter a car to risk her life.

Surprisingly, Lena managed to park perfectly on her first try. She was just great with the math behind it.

When Lena took her test, all of her friends and her girlfriend were waiting outside for her, and they all celebrated without caring if anyone was watching. They took their little celebration to Noonan’s later that night and Lena felt loved as she never had before. A week later, she took Kara on that silly date, but they spent most of the time making out inside the car rather than actually watching the movie, but that was okay because they weren’t using Alex’s car that time around.

Months later, they reacted the same way when Lena got her new degree, and Lena couldn’t help but think it was great to have people cheering for her like that.

And if she asked Kara for a little gift to celebrate her degree, well, that was no one’s business. She did wrap her arms securely around Kara when her girlfriend drove them off on the new motorcycle, though.

Thank you, @supercorp-superclown, for allowing me to do this and for also giving me ideas!

[alcalavicci]

Yeesh, Sam, let Al feel useful!

[frostedfaves]

Kids Again

Masterlist

Pairing: Rosa Diaz x fem!reader

Summary: A series of moments in your relationship leads you to one night in Shaw’s, where everything seems different now. Inspired by Kids Again by Sam Smith.

Warnings: angst mixed in with fluff, alcohol use and mentions, smut scene so tiny you’ll barely notice it but still 18+ ONLY (fingering and oral)

A/N: finally got around to listening to Sam’s latest album and as you can see, I immediately latched onto this particular song. the lyrics are sprinkled in throughout the fic and in italics! can’t wait to hear your thoughts :)

Can't believe I still avoid east side

Even though I know that you don't live there now

Lately you're the only thing on my mind

And I can't stop myself from driving by your house

“So there’s a really nice bowling alley on the eastside, or we can try--”

“Let’s go to the other one,” you interjected, forcing a tight-lipped smile when your friend looked up from her phone. She simply shrugged and looked up the address while you took the time to remember why you didn’t step foot on that side of town anymore.

It was a few months after your sixteenth birthday, and you were still just as excited to drive everywhere as you were when you got your license and used car. Being her best friend (and really the only person in the world that she didn’t hate somehow), you had the gift of Rosa riding along in your passenger seat at all times, acting as navigation and snack holder when the situation called for it.

“What time is it?” you asked curiously and Rosa checked her watch.

“9:58.”

“Crap, I gotta get you home now,” you grumbled as you approached a red light, the pout you directed at her shifting into a smile when she grabbed your hand off the steering wheel.

“You really don’t.”

“No, I do. You’re in enough trouble as it is right now that I’m lucky you get to come out with me at all.”

You pulled your hand away to drive when the light changed, biting your lip to hide a grin when she moved hers to hold onto your thigh instead. The rest of the drive to her house was filled with silence, aside from the occasional noise from the surrounding traffic bleeding through the cracked windows. You turned to bid her goodnight when you parked, instantly cut off by her lips on yours. She was out of the car and inside before you could react, but the feeling of her kiss stayed with you through the rest of the night.

She had moved several times since that night, but her parents still lived there. You knew that by the glimpses of her mother and father you caught on the days you couldn’t help but drive past, needing the reminder of that first kiss to wash away the memory of the last.

Livin' out of suitcases and hotels

Drinking way too much and talking through the night

Really wish I didn't know you so well

Wouldn't be so hard to leave the past behind

“Fuck, don’t stop, fuck!” you cried out as you held onto Rosa’s hair, trying not to suffocate her with your legs as she worked between them.

“I’m sorry,” she teased as she pulled away, her wet lips forming a smirk as her fingers continued to thrust in and out of you at a steady pace. “What was it that you didn’t want me to do?”

“Fuck you.”

“That’s what I thought I was doing.”

She quickened her pace as she lowered her lips to your clit again, sucking and licking mercilessly as each of your moans came out louder than the last. Your back arched off the mattress as you climaxed and slowly relaxed again as you came down, laughing as Rosa raised her naked form to press her lips against yours, pushing her tongue against yours to allow you to taste yourself.

“We need to stop getting drunk at dinner,” you sighed happily, giggling when Rosa frowned at you.

“Why? Drunk sex is the best.” She shifted next to you on the bed and pulled you in to rest against her bare chest, wrapping her arms around you. “It’s not our fault Italy has incredible wine.”

“You’re right, it isn’t.” You listened to her heartbeat for a moment as her fingers trailed up and down your back, eventually sitting up to meet her gaze again. “Okay, what’s going on?”

“What?”

“There was significantly less shit-talking, which is apparently your favorite part of fucking me.” You placed your hand on her cheek as she turned away from you, forcing her to look at you again. “Tell me what’s on your mind, my sweet Rosalita.”

“I just worry about whether or not I’m cut out to be a cop, let alone a detective. Didn’t exactly start out so great.”

“Rosa,” you began, moving to straddle her waist and smiling when her hands instantly went to hold your hips. “One mistake doesn’t define your whole life! If it did, I’d still be ridiculed for some clothing choices from middle school. Clearly the academy sees some potential in you, since you were accepted into the program, and took a chance with you. Now you just have to give yourself a chance to live as the person you want to be, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“No problem.” You leaned forward to capture her lips again, smiling against them as you pulled away. “Feeling any better?”

“I am.” She flipped the two of you in one motion, and you grew a bit fearful at the mischievous glint in her eye. “Also, never call me sweet ever again.”

“Okay, sweet--” The rest of your words were cut off by a loud squeal as she attacked your sides with quick fingers, grinning at the sight of you squirming and laughing under her. If it was up to her, she’d spend the rest of her life in this hotel room with you.

Ooh, every time I hear our song it kind of hurts me still

And ooh, even after all this time I kind of miss you still

If you had the physical strength to, you would’ve punched the radio to silence it, so you settled for turning it off instead. Still air was much worse though, as it left you with your thoughts, so you ended up flipping to a station for kids music. Safe enough, right?

The irony of hearing you and Rosa’s song mere minutes after she broke up with you was not lost, and if anything, it made the whole situation hurt worse. When your girlfriend called you over to her apartment last minute, you assumed she was surprising you with a proposal with the way she’d been acting lately.

Instead you were given the exact opposite, parting words that held the excuse of falling for someone else. Unfortunately for Rosa, you knew her better than anyone, which meant knowing she’d never--in this lifetime or the next--cheat on anyone. Especially not you. You wanted to fight her on it, fight and cry and scream until she saw sense, but you didn’t.

Instead you settled on driving away and going home to drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine she bought you during your trip in Italy, the one that had you convinced she’d love you forever.

Tell me how you live without it

Did somebody change your world

And now you don't look back

“Didn’t expect to see you here.”

You lifted your gaze from the beer bottle on the table to the woman now sitting across from you.

“Detectives aren’t the only people that call this bar home.”

She nodded in recognition, lifting her own beer to take a sip.

“Thought you were more of a wine girl?” she dared to question, scolding herself quietly when you let out a humorless laugh.

“I was, but it started to leave a bitter taste in my mouth.” You drained the rest of the bottle and dropped it harshly back on the table. “What do you want, Rosa?”

“I don’t know. I saw you sitting here when I walked in and couldn’t stop myself from coming over.” She took another sip in hopes of drinking away her nerves, something she hadn’t felt around you in years. “So how have you been?”

You shook your head. “I know you hate small talk, so I’ll save you this painful exchange by asking you something. Was there really another woman, or did you let your fear of commitment ruin another good thing in your life?”

“I don’t have a fear of commitment,” she countered, but you saw right through her cleverly disguised shaky tone.

“We dated from the day of our high school graduation to our mid-twenties and only lived together in hotel rooms on our trips abroad.”

“I move around a lot. I didn’t want to inconvenience you.”

“I would’ve followed you anywhere,” you told her as you placed your hand over hers on the table, your eyes never leaving hers. “You know that.”

“Fine.” She sighed heavily as she placed her beer off to the side to grab your other hand. “I lied because I was afraid and I’m here now because life without you is way fucking harder than I thought it would be. So what if I asked you to revive old times with me and come back?”

“I’d tell you that I have no interest in reliving something that started when we were kids. I can’t go backwards in life, only forward.”

“What if I promised to really commit this time? What if I promised to never let you go until death do us part?” she asked quietly as tears filled her focused eyes, her voice cracking in a way that had you swallowing with difficulty.

“Then I’d tell you that I want to learn about the woman you’ve grown into before I make any major decisions, but you have definitely caught my attention.”

A smile slowly formed on your lips that influenced hers, until you were practically grinning at each other.

“Come on.” 

She got up and you watched her with a frown, grabbing your jacket as you stood too.

“Where are we going?” you asked, and she nodded to a group of detectives laughing and talking together in a booth.

“First lesson on who I’ve become starts now.”

No, we'll never be kids again

No, we'll never, never, ever, ever, ever, ever.... 

-

Tags: @creepingwolfberry @rosadiazswifey @xetherealbeautyx @gaulty74 @milkfromhell

[disastrousbarnes]

Not without you (6)

Pairing: (Dad) Steve Rogers x Reader, (past) Bucky x Reader

Warning: swearing(?)

Summary: Ever since Steve lost Angela he hasn’t been the same, live hasn’t been the same. The only reason he was still doing this was for his kids, because they need him. So when a new chance at love comes on his path, will he take it? Will either of them take it?  

Authors note: Hi well last time I gave ya’ll a chapter it was may 2019, It’s Januari 2020. But hey, A bitch is back! This chapter includes a lot of talk about Bucky, but don’t worry, it’ll become more Steve x Y/N centered soon. 

FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS WELCOME AND HONESTLY WANTED!

Wordcount: 2222

Tag List:

@lunadanvers @dangerdolns @stevieboyharrington @tessvillegas @lanabgil @cecedofficial @lovingrxgers @celebsimagines @pizzamyhearts @leaveittosteverogers @saroo-hawks @ellaprime68 @grace-wheeze @bxxbxy @lovvliies​ @marvelismysafezone​

TAG LIST IS OPEN!! So if you wanna be tagged just message me x

Read Chapter 1 Read Chapter 2 Read Chapter 3 Read Chapter 4 Read Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Old and new friends.

“So, Steve?” Tony’s eyes meet Y/N’s over the dinner table.

Y/N just rolls her eyes, of course Tony had to bring that up. “Not during dinner. Tony, please?” She pleaded. An awkward silence fell over the table. Y/N and Tony used to share everything during dinner, no topic was off the table. Not today though, Y/N didn’t want to talk about Steve, not in front of the kids.

“But-” Tony started, but he was quickly cut off by Pepper.

“Tony, she said no.” Potts and Stark shared a look, after which Tony silently went back to eating.

Y/N mouthed Pepper a ‘thank you’, the strawberry blonde responded with a sweet smile.

“So Alex, I read you became the captain of the football team?”  Stark Industries is Jacob High, the high school the triplets attend, biggest sponsor. Pepper, being the CEO of Stark Industries, likes to keep up with projects the company invests in.  So naturally she knows all about Alex being the youngest captain of Jacob highs football team ever.

Alex face immediately lights up. “Yeah, I guess the guys felt I was good enough of a leader to, well, lead them.” After his father’s death, the teen had really thrown himself into sports, something that was clearly reflected by his muscled physic.

Pepper gave him an encouraging nod, “The article did speak very highly of your capabilities to get the team together.”

“Teambuilding is the most important part of it all,” Alex agreed, “Thankfully Y/N allows me to get the guys together at our place. So each Friday we get together, cook dinner and just talk, play games, watch a movie. You know just something to make sure we’re all in sync.”

Y/N can’t help but feel happy to see Alex talk so passionately about his role as team captain. She still remembers the silence that had fallen over the boy the first few months after Bucky’s death.

All three of teen boys had taken their dads unexpected death really hard. Which was of course to be expected, but out of all of them Alex had taken it the hardest. He and Bucky had always been the closest. It also took him the longest to not treat Y/N like an outsider when she first started dating Bucky. Bucky had told her that this was because Alex didn’t want to get attached to anyone and then have them leave again. That when their mother left when they were very young really hurt and confused him.

“Y/N?” The feeling of a hand resting on her shoulder startled Y/N, causing her to quickly turn around to face Caleb. “Are you okay? Mister Stark has been talking to you for 5 minutes now.”

Y/N frowns, how could she have zoned out like this?  “Oh.” Is all she says, not sure if she should make an excuse or not.

Tony just laughs, “What do you say, we go to my office have a drink, bet those boys have their license by now, so they can drive back and I know for sure Miss Potts and Morgs wouldn’t mind spending some time with Anna. I have kept her to myself all day, after all.” He winks.  

Y/N is a little hesitant, but agrees. Tony used to be one of her closest friends and she can’t just continue to block everyone that reminds her of Bucky out of her life, everyone except for Sam that is.

 Not much later the pair stood in Tony’s office.

“Last time we were here you were pregnant.” Tony chuckles. Y/n had been about 6 month along back then. Her belly had already been huge, he even remembers she was wearing Bucky’s favorite maroon sweater. He only remembered that because Bucky complained that he actually wanted to wear it, about 24 times during dinner.  

“And my husband was still alive.” Y/N had meant it as a joke, but the look on Tony’s face clearly showed that that didn’t get across. “I- It was a joke T.”

Tony lets out a sigh of relieve. “Oh.” A small smile plays on his lips. “I was afraid you’d yell at me again.”

When Bucky died Tony had insisted to personally tell Y/N of Bucky’s passing. Something  she didn’t exactly take lightly. In the rush of emotions she had blamed Tony for all of it. She had told him it was his fault for getting Bucky to help him with the program in the first place and that he should have never have let him go to Afghanistan.

Though truly she knew Bucky was the one that came to Tony with the idea in the first place. Stark Industries had stopped manufacturing weapons years ago, but Bucky convinced Tony to get back into it. To help him make safe weapons that would cause as little destruction as possible.  That wouldn´t kill so many innocent people. He wanted to create a way to end wars as quick and peaceful as possible.

And hearing that that had been the thing to kill her husband had broken the -then pregnant- woman. When the shock had settled she of course apologized to Tony for her accusations, but to say that had put a rift in their friendship would be an understatement.

“Never.” Y/N said, sitting down in the big red office chair. “I still don’t understand why you need an office.”

“Yeah yeah I know. I am always down in the lab, but having an office is nice for-“

“Drinking.” Y/N finished the sentence, a bottle of jack had already found it’s way into her hand. “That’s the only thing we have ever done here.”

Sam, Bucky, Pepper, Tony, Bruce, Rhodey, Clint and her used to have dinner together every Friday night, to end the workweek right. After which they would get drunk and dance in this very office. The triplets would watch Morgan upstairs, which was an easy way to make some money. So they never complained about it.

“Does the rest still work for you?” She hadn’t really been in touch with anyone since the incident.

Tony nods, “Rhodey is still our main connection with the military. Clint is running the weapon testing department right now. Bruce and I have been working on some really interesting tech, it would make the weapons non killing, just rendering our opponents unconscious for about 12 hours max. Buck had been pressing me about that  for so long, we just weren’t able to crack the code. Of course something like this already on the market, but the danger with that stuff is that 1 it is always bad for the environment  and 2 you never know what the cognitive damage is with that stuff. Which is dangerous cause most of the time you aren’t just taking out the bad guy, but also the innocent bystanders.”

Y/N enjoyed seeing Tony ramble on so passionately about the new ‘weapon’ he and Bruce are making. It reminds her of sitting on the couch at home, just watching Bucky walk around the room, talking about all he wanted to achieve with S.T.W.P. He had been so enthusiastic, so willing to do everything to create a brighter future. One of peace.  

“But enough about weapons and work, what about that Steve dude? He’s a friend of Buck’s you said?” Tony had a way of smoothly swaying into topics Y/N didn’t exactly want to talk about.

“Used to be.” Y/N felt her body tens up at just the mention of Steve’s name. Something about the fondness and respect Bucky still had when he used to talk about him didn’t match up with the Steve Y/N had met. “Left New York and never contacted James again.”

“James?” Tony cocked an eyebrow, Y/N had never called Bucky James, not in public at least.

“Shut up.” She felt her face get hot, “It just flopped out. I only call him James when no one else is around.”

“Cause he didn’t mind it when you said it?”

“He didn’t.”

Tony smiles, putting a hand on Y/N’s shoulder, “Of course he didn’t he loved every word you spoke.”

“It’s still weird when people talk about him in past tense.”

“It really is.” The man agrees. “It’s also weird that Steve and Bucky lived in the same town and never saw each other.”

“It is isn’t it?” Y/N had never even thought about that, honestly she hadn’t given Steve much thought outside of him being Luke’s dad and the man who left Bucky behind.

The rest of their night is spend making up weird theories of how Steve and Bucky ended up in the same town. That and getting very drunk.

//

“Steve?” Sam found himself standing in the doorway of what appeared to be Steve’s bedroom. He decided to check in when after half an hour Steve still hadn’t gotten back from getting a sweater.

Steve was sitting in front of the bed, holding a fluffy black sweater close to chest. He looked up at Sam but didn’t respond. Not that he needed to, the lost look in his eyes spoke volumes. He was hurting, really hurting..

Without speaking another word Sam sat down next to Steve.

“It’s hard isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Everything around you continuously reminds you of her. The kids, the house, all her stuff. Everything.”

“Yeah.” Steve frowns, looking at the piece of clothing in his hands.

“You don’t want to get rid of it because it reminds you of her, but at the same time all the memories are just way too much, aren’t they?”

Finally Steve’s eyes met Sam’s, they were filled with tears. “How did you just put all of my feelings into words?”

“I´ve been trough war and lost the people that mean the most to me. I´m just speaking from personal experience.” Sam’s fierce loyalty and insanely loving heart had only made his life harder, “Plus being a gay black man in the military, well lets say that doesn’t exactly bode well with some of those conservative white boys.” A sad smile adorned his lips.

Steve wrapped his arm around Sam, pulling him close, “Thank you.”

Sam felt confused at the random act of gratitude.

“Thanks for your service, thanks for all you have done and are doing for this country despite of the way you’ve been treated by the people living in it.” Steve had felt a bond with Sam the moment they shared a drink at O’Malley’s, now an immense amount of respect had been added to that. Sam had been trough so much and yet here he was running a countrywide V.A program and if he was right, helping Y/N raise Bucky’s kids.

Now Sam’s eyes were also filled with tears. The only time he had ever been thanked for his service is during award ceremonies, but the words had never felt as sincere as they did this very moment. A soft ‘Thank you’ made his way out of his mouth as he too wrapped an arm around Steve.

“Bucky would laugh so hard if he saw us like this.  Sitting here, snot covered and all mushy emotional. Then he would ask us if we’d like a cup of tea.”

“And he’d never force us to talk about it.” Steve adds.

“Never, but we would tell him anyway. Cause that’s just his effect.”

Steve loves the fact that the way Sam talks about Bucky makes him sound as if he hadn’t changed one bit from the Bucky he grew up with. The take no shit, but it’s okay to feel like shit sometimes, caring best friend.

“Bucky really was something else.” Sam says and releases his arm from Steve’s. “He was a little different after the war though, a little harder. That’s until he met Y/N. Something about her just sometimes a little too honest, completely open personality made it easier for Buck to deal with everything that had happened in his life. He was almost like the young, overworked, hopeful young guy I met during training. Almost.”

“She’s young isn’t she? Like a lot younger than Buck?”  Steve felt a little stupid asking, it wasn’t really his business after all.

“She’s almost 26 yeah.” Sam says with a chuckle. “Buck met her in New York when she was only 20. It was at some small 40’s themed bar she was working at. God the man tried so hard not to fall in love with that girl. He couldn’t help himself though, she just made her way into his heart, I remember right before he asked her out, she was all the idiot could talk about. Plus when you love someone the way Y/N and Bucky loved each other those 14 years feel like nothing.”

14 years, Jesus Buck, that’s a lot. Steve felt weird for even thinking that. He was judging a dead guy, who apparently really loved his wife.

“That’s uhm..” Steve wasn’t sure what to say. “She seems lovely.”

Sam lets out a loud roaring laugh, “She’s a fucking pain in the ass.” The comment might sound harsh, but his voice is filled with adoration and love.

“Isn’t that what you said about Bucky the first time we met?”

“I mean they both are, but I am decently sure I just called him an idiot fuck face.”

That night Bucky Barnes’  youth best friend and adulthood best friend became friends.  

[theanonauthorfanfic]

Hands like Heaven

Title: Hands like Heaven

Square Filled: Pressure Points

Ship: Winterwidow Bucky x Natasha Au

Rating: Mature

Major Tags: Mentions of blowjob and hand job, accident, losing a limb, anxiety, panic attack

Summary: Natasha was becoming a massage therapist to help people. She ends up helping the person she least expected.  

Word Count: 1550

Created for @mcukinkbingo​

  Natasha had gone to school to become a masseuse. She was working on getting to know pressure points to help work stress out of her client’s bodies. She had been friends with Steve, Clint, Sam, Tony and even Bucky before he decided not to trust anyone. Natasha wanted to slap Bucky sometimes. She swore she heard him scoff even time she came into the room. She was sick of his childish shit. They were friends not to long back. Something had happened and Natasha didn’t understand what happened but Bucky turned out to be a dick. He treated her like shit and usually made some comment about a happy ending at the end of a massage.

As of late Natasha stopped going to their friendly meet ups on Friday nights at their favorite bar is, she knew Bucky was going. She didn’t want to subject herself to Bucky’s nasty attitude with her. Sam, Steve, Clint and Tony had suggested if Bucky got Friday night then Nat got Saturday nights. Everything was going well until Bucky had his accident. When she found out about the accident, she had thought about how karma was finally kicking him in the ass from how he treated her.

Natasha had started working with the hospital about a year prior to the accident happening. After Bucky’s accident she had hoped he didn’t need physical therapy. It had been about a month since the accident. One day her boss Maria Hill came over to her.

“Ms. Romanov, I have a very special case for you,” Maria told her. “This young man was in an accident. He has been working with a physical therapist over the last month to get use o his left arm back. Since he has been using it more in the last week, his therapist wanted him to start seeing a masseuse to loosen up the tense muscles. He needs a tender touch which you have. He also had some damage done to his spine and would need a fully body work down as well.”

“Of course, I would love to help Ms. Hill. What is this patients name,” Natasha asked questioningly?

“His name is James. He is quiet and wont talk to anyone. No one has been to visit him since he was admitted because of the accident,” Maria answered casually.

“I will help him. When do we start working with him,” Natasha smirked?

“Tomorrow is his first session. Make sure to get well rested for tomorrow Ms. Romanov,” Maria mentioned as she stalked away.

Natasha was grateful that she had a job she loved. She had enjoyed helping people and continued to hope it would be like that as she got older. She was excited to work with James to make him feel better after all the pain he had been through. In the back of Natasha’s head, she had thought it may be Bucky and that it would be difficult for her to be able to help him. Natasha pushed that thought as far to the back of her mind as possible.

The next day when she showed up to work Ms. Hill was waiting for her.

“Ms. Romanov, James is being brought down in a few moments. I want to make sure we have a massage table ready for him. Today I want you to start off with a massage. Get him comfortable with you before we start full physical therapy to help him overcome what happened with the accident. Oh and Ms. Romanov please treat him with respect and kindness. He has been a bit prickly. He was the one refusing to have visitors but he needs companionship. He is such a lonely young man. I trust you will make him open up with you,” Ms. Hill stated as she walked off.

Natasha immediately started to get the massage table ready. She made sure he would have a private room with her being the only one who would be in there with him. She didn’t want him to feel overwhelmed. Natasha had her back to the door. She heard the door open and close. Then heard someone lay down on the table. She turned around and James immediately jumped up.

James stared at her for a moment before speaking, “When did you start working at the hospital Tash?”

“Once I finished getting my license for being a massage therapist Bucky,” Natasha sneered.

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Out of all the people that get to help me it has to be you.”

Natasha heard the snark and meanness in is tone. She rebutted, “Out of all the assholes to get into an accident you had to be stupid enough to do it. We could have avoided each other if you didn’t get hurt.”

Bucky looked down at his feet. He was shocked she was treating him like this. He knew that she had been avoiding him for months and he spent a night with the boys and then the boys would spend the next night with her. When did they become so cold toward each other? Bucky was amped up, “Well, I wasn’t the one who avoid you first. As I recall you asked Steve and Sam to get Tony and Cint to agree meeting up with you a different night so you didn’t have to deal with me. Everyone doesn’t want to deal with me. Been like that for as long as I can remember.”

Those words hit Natasha in her heart. She cared about Bucky but he was always an asshole towards her. She needed to calm down and focus on his shoulder. He kept a hoodie on and she needed him to remove it. Natasha spoke softly, “I am sorry for whatever happened between us James. Please remove your hoodie and we can get started on your shoulder and neck feeling better.”

Bucky’s eyes went wide. Tash had asked him to remove his security blanket since the accident which was his hoodie. He just sat there staring like a deer in the headlights waiting for a car to hit him.

“James, breathe with me. In and out. Good follow my breath,” Natasha was helping him through a panic attack she saw it hit as soon as she asked to remove the hoodie. “Do you feel comfortable removing the hoodie James?”

Bucky wanted to nod but he shook his head. Tash stared at him in aww it looked like. He couldn’t find the words to talk to her. No one but him and the doctors knew that he lost most of his left arm. He was afraid people would judge him for being a cripple.

“James, you’re disassociating on me. Stay with me just listen to my voice. What shoulder hurts worse right now,” Nat asked calmly. James pointed to his left. “Thank you for showing me. Is it okay if I slip off the hoodie and cover you with a blanket?” James nodded. Nat smiled and knew she was getting somewhere with Bucky.

She had never seen Bucky so scared or vulnerable since she knew him. Once he had him under the blanket and his hoodie off. She started to work on his neck and shoulder. She left her hands do the talking as she played some of Bucky’s favorite music.

Nat was focusing on some pressure points to help alleviate some of the pain. She started at the base of his skull and used her thumbs to stimulate the GB20 and GB10 regions of his neck. It would help loosen the muscles and help alleviate some of the pressure from the swelling in his shoulder. When she was done with that, she moved on to GB21 and TW15 again to get the loose and pliable. Once she felt he was ready Nat moved to the TE3 in his hand as well as the LI4 point. She used this to her advantage to get him to relax. She knew the more relaxed James was the less pain he would feel.

Nat noticed Bucky was becoming more pliable to her movements. She was happy he would be finding some relief from the pain. She then moved down to his foot and grabbed the above tears point on his foot and massaged for 2 minutes with constant pressure. James groaned as he could move his shoulder more easily without the horrid pain it was causing. When she was done Bucky sat up.

“Thank you, Tash,” Bucky smiled. Nat was caught off guard. Bucky looked down at his crotch and noticed that he had a hard on for the first time since the accident. “Well, it not going to suck itself.” He motioned to his tented sweats.

Nat rolled her eyes, “Doesn’t mean I am going to suck it Barnes.”

“What has your panties is a twist Tash. I was just joking on the plus side your hands do wonders,” Bucky wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Nat leaned into him whispering, “I promise once you are out of the hospital, we can try some things with arousal pressure points versus ones that are for pain.”

Bucky groaned and adjusted himself in his sweats. Nat smiled and walked out of the room. Bucky knew that the reason he was such a dick to her is because he wanted her and he knew he could never have her. Now maybe just maybe that would change after all Tash has the hands that reminded him of heaven.

Tags: @buckmesideways22​ @oleanderbat , @buckyzgurl , @scarletsoldierrr , @kombatfather1796

[thestuckylibrary]

hi! any soft/fluffy fics where steve and bucky just have a lazy day cuddling and hanging out at home?? thank you!

Here are some tags that may interest you.

Domesticity

Soft!Bucky

Fluff

And here are a few to get you started.

The Smell of Sunshine by Brenda for ignipes (complete | 2,418 | M)

“You really are taking this whole vacation thing to heart, aren’t you?”

Bucky lolls his head so he can look at Steve. “Remind me the last time we actually had one. And you laid up sick before the serum or one of us recovering from an injury in the hospital doesn’t count.”

Or:

Bucky and Steve take some well deserved time off, and Bucky sort of fails at asking questions. Post-Winter Soldier fluff, because these two have earned the right to kick back on a beach somewhere and act adorable.

things learnt upon reunion by dirtybinary (complete | 2,615 | T )

It is their first day on the run, and their first night spent together in seventy years: part mission, part honeymoon.

Bit by bit, Steve gets the hang of Bucky again.

Or: the CA:CW trailer gave me feelings and then this happened.

Peace and Quiet, and a Place to Rest by portraitofemmy, rainbow_marbles (complete | 5,596 | T )

Bucky comes easily and lets Steve roll up the sleeve of the shirt, until it’s gathered just under the stump of his prosthetic. It’s still disconcerting, the empty air where the brain expects living flesh, but Steve thinks, this is what it would have been like if Steve had found him after the train. Bucky broken and missing a part of himself, but free.

After the pain of Siberia, Steve and Bucky find somewhere to rest and regroup.

The Bucky Barnes Guide to Household Management by CryptoHomoRocker (complete | 5,506 | G )

“Steve doesn’t even notice at first, is the thing.”

Or: Steve is unobservant, Bucky learns to be good at things that aren’t killing people, and knitting happens.

(Written for starlight_sugar, who requested “domesticity, and also knitting.”)

In the Blur of Serenity by Brenda for ignipes (complete | 2,575 | T )

The grooves around Bucky’s mouth deepen when he grins, rakish and wide. “Don’t lie, you loved every decadent minute of it.”

“Yeah, well, I never claimed to be smart where you’re concerned.” Steve shrugs, but answers with his own smile, because he doesn’t think he could ever see Bucky smile and not want to in return.

Or:

Bucky discovers the horror of Wikipedia and Steve sort of fails to make breakfast. Post-Winter Soldier domestic fluff, because there isn’t enough, and they deserve it. :)

young hearts, out our minds by junko (orphan_account) (complete | 2,144 | T )

Bucky posts a selfie of the two of them in bed to his instagram.

He hashtags it #goodmorningamerica. Sam Wilson and Pepper Potts retweet it to their twitter accounts.

A Precarious, Fragile Thing by Taste_is_Sweet (complete | 6,961 | T )

“I didn’t know he did that,” Tony said. He knew Bucky liked tucking himself so far under Steve’s arm that it was like he was trying to climb into his armpit. But he’d always stayed upright, just kind of plastering himself against Steve’s side. This blanket thing was new.

“Seventy years of skin hunger,” Steve said. His voice was just as soft, but for a moment his eyes flickered hot with anger, bright as the candy-colored screen. “He was always tactile. Now, when things get���well, sometimes it helps. The contact.”

And it looked…nice, the two of them together like that: Comfortable. Familiar. Safe. Tony knew what a precarious, fragile thing it was, to feel safe in the middle of the night.

undersell, overcommit by silentwalrus (complete | 10,222 | unrated )

Steve goes so hard for Bucky that he becomes a licensed, practicing massage

[shirtlesssammy]

Ghostfacers: 3x13 Recap

Then:

Harry and Ed are just professional paranormal investigators trying to get a book and movie deal.

Now:

The 2007 writers’ strike is over but that’s not stopping Supernatural from laying down a little meta commentary about the unscripted hellscape we all were heading towards. Yay for writers!

Harry and Ed are back to show us that alternate world --the one where they are the expert monster hunters; a world where we’d all be watching Ghostfacers. Catchy theme song aside, I think we can all agree with Dean with this alt-world:

With gunslinger music apropo of their hero status, Ed and Harry exit their car in suitable slow-mo dramatics. Several cars zoom by in the background. Mockumentary style, they catch the audience up on what they’ve been doing since we last saw them in season one. They set their own hours at the Kinko’s they work at, and they’ve assembled a team.

Phase I: The Homework

We meet the Ghostfacers! Alan Corbett is the Intern/Cook, and got involved because he saw Ed put up flyers and wondered where do ghosts come from? Maggie is Ed’s adopted sister, and part of the research team. Spruce is their cameraman, licensed shamanologist, and 1/16 Cherokee.

The Case? Morton House. Every four years this place becomes the most haunted place in America. The Leap Year Ghost, some call it. Corbett brings Ed some french vanilla coffee. Yeah, Corbett’s got the hots for Ed. I mean, how can he not with that really golden, beautiful sort of beard? The meeting ends when one of their parents opens the garage door, breaking up their meeting space. Gold.

Phase II: Infiltration

The Ghostfacers arrive at the Morton House. With no permit, but bolt cutters in hand, they start to bust open the fence surrounding the property when they all hear the rumble of a car and classic rock blasting from its interior. They hide, while Sam and Dean scope the place briefly, before driving away. Ed returns to breaking open the locked gate. They quickly establish Command Center I: The Eagle’s Nest. They place cameras throughout the house. Ed inadvertently compliments Corbett. Reconvening at base camp, the team equips themselves with flashlights and ghosthunting gear.

Phase III: Face Time!

Ed and Corbett scan the first floor with their EMF. Ed calls out for the ghosts to show themselves, while Corbett works the camera and hyperventilates. Ed tries to help by advising Corbett to “Calm the whirlwinds of your mind.”

Harry, Maggie, and Spruce sweep the second floor. Spruce’s camera briefly malfunctions, but it’s no big deal --it’s not like you’re in a haunted house and any little thing could be a sign or anything!

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

There’s a rat. Harry believes that rats are like the rats of the world. Harry manages to walk back to the room with the rat when Spruce flings the dead rodent at him.

Meanwhile, Corbett continues to hyperventilate and freak out over nothing when the police arrive! Well, actually, it’s Sam and Dean.

Ed recognizes them immediately. The boys recognize Ed.

SAM: Holy [Bleep]!

DEAN: What?

SAM: Uh, West Texas... the... the tulpa we had to take out. Those two goofballs that almost got us killed... The hellhounds or something?

DEAN: [Bleep] me.

Dean tells Ed to get the hell out, but Ed called ‘dibs’, so they’re not going anywhere.

Meanwhile, the second floor group wander into a room that’s getting readings off the wall, temps dropping 11 degrees, and Spruce getting a specter on his camera. The ghost talks and then is shot, and disappears!

Dean, Sam, Ed, and Corbett head back to base camp. Dean and Sam make it very clear that people that spend the night on February 29th don’t live to talk about their visit. Their talk is interrupted by Harry, Maggie, and Spruce sprinting and screaming down the stairs. Harry then sees the brothers. And the Ghostfacers are not leaving the joint, no matter how hard Dean tries enticing them with ice cream. The team realizes that Corbett is missing. He’s wandering upstairs hoping to communicate with the restless spirits in the house. And he’s kidnapped by one of them just as it turns midnight! Now they’re all stuck in the house --and Sam happily reminds Dean that he’s got two months to live, but they’ll probably not live through the night.

Just then another spirit appears --they’re death echos, spirits that keep reliving their death. Dean tries shocking the spirit out of its loop --sometimes it works, but usually there has to be some connection with the deceased.

The group wanders the house looking for clues about the death echos, and Corbett’s whereabouts. They find information about Freeman Daggett, the house’s last owner, who died in 1964.

Daggett’s house was full of a lifetime supply of army rations and survivalist paraphernalia. He was a hospital janitor and Dean uncovers toe tags in Daggett’s box of Moste Precious Objects. Ew. Daggett was stealing himself “friends” from the morgue. The odd death echoes can be explained because the ghosts are lingering close to their remains.

Maggie goes missing, off on her own little heroic quest to save Corbett, though she’s quickly found by Dean (to Harry’s relief). The electrical equipment stutters and when the lights recover Sam is now missing, leaving only his flashlight.

While searching for Corbett and Sam, Maggie panics and Harry calms her with a kiss. OooOOOOoo. Ed, meanwhile, bursts in on them. “My best friend and my best sister,” he says angrily and the two fight. (I’m most touched by how he just calls her his sister, turning him into slightly less of an asshole.)

Cut to Corbett with a massive head wound slowly waking to the sound of Sam’s voice and the worst song in the world (“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to”). Sam sits across from him tied to a chair at a dusty old table. There are cups, plates, and party accoutrements laid out. Dead bodies are arranged in party poses. Daggett kills Corbett with a spike to the throat while Sam looks on and shouts at the ghost to stop.

The remaining team tries to figure out what’s making Daggett tick when Dean realizes that he was a cold war nut who was terrified of the world ending.

Dean heads to the basement where there’s likely a bomb shelter. Daggett forces the door shut, cutting Dean and Spruce off from Ed, Harry, and Maggie. Dean tells them to grab salt from his duffel bag, make a circle, and get inside. “Inside your duffel bag?” they ask. Lol.

Dean heads downstairs with Spruce while the B team follows Dean’s instructions. The lights flicker and they gather close together in the salt circle. The ghost is Corbett, shuddering in terror, blood pouring from his wounds. Oh, honey :(

Spruce asks Dean about his mysterious comment from earlier. Why did Sam say they had two months left? Dean tells him off and hones in on the dreadful repeated music. He pushes a shelf out of the way to expose a door.

Dean breaks in just as Daggett gets behind Sam with his death spike. We finally get a good view of the party, complete with party trumpets and little elastic hats (the elastic has really stood the test of time). Sam fills us in on the back story: Daggett stole the bodies from the morgue and at midnight on a leap year, went upstairs and dosed himself to death. Now every leap year he tries to get more people to come to his creepy-ass party.

Upstairs the B team mourns Corbett, watching him replay his death over and over again. Ed tells them that they’ve got to try to help Corbett. He’s trapped, he’s in pain, but he can be helped. Ed crosses the salt line and approaches the terrified ghost.

Downstairs, Dean tries to bust through the basement door when the ghost appears. Sam shoots it away.

Harry tells Ed that Corbett had feelings for him. Maybe he can use that connection to reach Corbett. “You’ve gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern. You gotta send him into the light.” And so, in a moment that shouldn’t be touching (but goddamnit, it totally is) Ed crosses the salt line once again.

Ed tells him that he meant a lot to him while tears fall. He tells Corbett that he loves him and Corbett is shocked out of his death loop. “Ed?” he asks. And then Corbett, finally aware of his own death and of the peril the others face, becomes the hero of the piece. Corbett blips downstairs, and drags Daggett into the light.

Morning dawns with a gentle blush and the team stumbles out of the house. We cut back to the studio where they eulogize Corbett. “Here we were thinking that, you know, we were teaching you and all this time you were teaching us, about heart, about dedication, and about how gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day. Thank you, Alan J. Corbett.” It’s...touching and hilarious in one neat package. (Also I am shamelessly waiting for season 13 where gay love is totally gonna pierce through the veil of death and save the day. Right? Right??? Come on, Supernatural, it can be like a present to Edlund on the occasion of his TV show taking off.)

Cut to Dean and Sam sitting in front of Harry and Ed’s computer watching the final cut of their Ghostfacers demo. Dean admits it was “half awesome” while Sam congratulates them on exploiting Corbett’s death. Whatever, they’re ready to make bank with DVD sales and wave the Winchesters a fond farewell. They discover a bag that Sam and Dean left behind and pull it open gleefully. In it is an electro-magnet (built, I like to think, by our little genius Dean Bean). The equipment in the room zaps and all the computers wipe. (Now the Ghostfacers back everything up to the cloud, amirite?) Dean and Sam tear out of the suburban driveway and back into the wild supernatural world beyond.

Quoter-Haters:

And two lone wolves need...other wolves

[Bleep] me

Listen here, chisel chest

It’s our “Grand Canyon”

I’m not gonna whine about my [bleep]ing problems to some [bleep]ing reality show

He’s never heard of a Real Doll?

Don’t be Facer-haters

[harnarius]

Five Things Meme

I was tagged by the lovely @francesca-wayland to do the “Five Things” meme??? #shook 

haha anyway :’)

Five things in my bag: - A toothbrush, toothpaste, and an invisalign container. I’ve had them for a year and a half, and I’m finally getting my retainers in a week! - My Les Misérables script! I’m Madame Thenerdier. - Probably my physics and chemistry textbooks - Definitely my computer!! 13 inch Early 2015 MacBook Pro! - A rubik’s cube, because if my phone dies or I have nothing to do, I can always practice.

Five things in my bedroom: - A bunch of posters from when I was 12 that I’ve never had the energy to take down? We’re talking Josh Hutcherson and Taylor Swift, guys.  - My electric piano!!! I got it for my 15th birthday and I love it so much!! - A ginormous, never-ending pile of laundry.  - Half a dozen cosplays strewn everywhere, and a box full of wigs.  - I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this, but I’ve had an Adlock shrine of sorts on my wall since 2014. With that collage I did of all the Adlockers (the one with the yacht?) and nice things people have said to me. 

Five Things I Want To Do With My Life: - Travel to Alaska and Hawaii, because then I will have been to all 50 states in the US! Next list to conquer is all the National Parks. (I think I’ve been to 19? I have a t-shirt with all of them listed and I’m slowly ticking each thing off the list) - I hope to become a computer engineer, but I want to do theatre and writing on the side. - Take this silly original fiction WIP that’s been stewing for four years and re-write it and finally get around to publishing it. - Keep improving my piano skills. (Have you seen me on Instagram? My form and technique is utter garbage.)  - Get more in shape so I can actually climb mountains without dying. (I was totally shot for three days after climbing like 1/3 of Mt. Rainier last summer it was...bad.)

Five Things on my To-Do list: - Actually get my driver’s license. I don’t have a car to drive, which is why I’ve been putting it off for so long.  - Study for a chemistry test on Tuesday. RIP. (Edward Elric is 100% of my motivation for this, ngl) - Finish Kill la Kill, start JJBA, and see if I can squeeze in a few more anime before an anime convention in two weeks. - Actually finish my SnK cosplay for the convention. I need to finish the lining on the jacket and attach the emblems, and finish my 3DMG. I’m in good shape, but alas, con crunch is still getting me.  - Get off book for Act 1 of Les Miz.

Five things people might not know about me: - One of my hobbies is learning scripts for other languages? I know, it’s kind of weird, but I hate the feeling of staring at text and having no idea how it’s pronounced or how it’s supposed to be read. Currently working on Cyrillic (and that is most definitely not because of my victor nikiforov obession) - Despite having played piano for six years, I can’t read piano sheet music to save my life. I learn everything by synthesia tutorials on YouTube or by ear (my dad thinks I’m Special™ because of that, but it’s more like years and years of honing in that skill.) I post a lot of piano shit on my instagram, aksiznerfgun. - I have a burning passion for Mario RPG games. Like Paper Mario 64 and TTYD and Super Mario Sunshine, I could go on for hours and hours about those. (remember when palace skip and UHE were memes? :’D the good ole days.) (also fuk u pie)  - I'm a total espresso nut. I don’t know all the fancy chemistry and science, but I have an espresso maker that I’m completely in love with. - I have lots of issues processing any kind of auditory input unless I’m doing something with my hands. Which also leads to strange things like sewing + listening to audiobooks, a situation where I can focus on both things perfectly.

Five Things I’m Into Right Now: - I get super gross and disgusting over anime I like. (see my sideblog @angry-and-resentful-donuts​ like apparently people like how cringey I get because that somehow got 1.1k followers?) I spend my days scrolling through my OTP tags on Ao3 and sobbing over fic.  - Which reminds me! The Yuri on Ice fic, Winter Song, by @borntomake! I’m completely obsessed with it, and I legit created a therapy group for it because chapter 11 ruined me as a human being.  - The artist Sam Sparro! His music is kind of weird and it’s definitely an acquired taste, but I really like it. When I did competitive dancing, they’d always play his music during warmups, and I rediscovered his music last fall.  - I actually really love baking! I used to bake solely because it would result in something tasty, but I’ve really come to enjoy the process of making it too.  - listening to the entire Harry Potter series yet again. I do this probably 1-2 times each year, and I’m currently on book 3. 

Tagging @criyings, @night-crayon, @arenaultimax, @pro-antagonist, @spaceyskater​, @rustycoralnipples​, @lyrangalia​, and anyone else who wants to do it!

[newagesispage]

                                                                  JUNE      2021

 The Rib Page

 Head out for the dates on the final tour of The Monkees that we still have left. Mike and Micky are saying bye bye, bye bye, bye bye.

*****

Days of our Lives has been renewed for 2 more seasons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****

The last CONAN will be on TBS on June 24. We’ll be waiting to see ya on HBO MAX.

*****

Condom sales are up 24%.** They are saying it is the start of slutty summer??**There are reports that STD’s are on the rise in certain counties.

*****

Hemp Hemp Hurray!- Tommy Chong

*****

An old species of a giant tortoise on the Galapagos was found. Tests match a tortoise not seen since 1906. Scientists are now looking for a mate for the female to revive the species.

*****

Black-ish will end after season 8** Ellen is calling it quits and will end her show next year.** Thursdays will be Wolf night. With the addition of Law and Order: For the defense, NBC will have an entire L&O night! A friend said, “It’s almost as if the shows are made to lull the elderly to sleep.” I see it every day with the elderly: Law and Order on all day as they nap.

*****

American Housewife and Rebel have been cancelled.

*****

Bill Maher tested positive for Covid as did most of the Yankees. They were fully vaccinated.** Gov. Newsom was in the Kimmel audience talking about the lottery in California for those who were vaccinated.

*****

Ewan McGregor was so WOW! as Halston!!

*****

Illinois may be getting about 110 new pot shops.

*****

Breeders got picked up for season 3.

*****

The Piglet, Nick Lachey won the 5th season of The Masked Singer.

*****

Can’t wait for Val, the doc about Val Kilmer.

*****

John Dickerson will leave 60 minutes and concentrate more on the Morning shows. He has been promoted to chief political analyst and senior national correspondent.

*****

In Texas there are more barriers to riding a motorcycle than wearing a gun. They seem to encourage people to have guns on them with no training and no license.

*****

Why do we still have to hear anything about Meghan McCain? She tries to shame Kamala Harris for her “long weekend” comment as she is out gambling and partying for the Memorial day weekend. What does that have to do with honoring the fallen?

*****

Bill Hader was given the Masters of Comedy award at the USC Comedy Fest.

*****

Cellmate secrets is coming to Lifetime on June 4 with host, Angie Harmon.

*****

JP Morgan Chase collected about 1.5 billion in overdraft fees in 2020.

*****

Wes Anderson’s The French Dispatch will come out on October 22. The film stars Bill Murray, Elisabeth Moss, Frances McDormand, Timothee Chalomet, Owen Wilson, Angelica Huston, Jeffrey Wright, Saorse Ronan, Tilda Swinton and Benecio del Toro.

*****

Billboard awards giving tribute to Pink as a “legend.” What? Nothing against Pink or any of the other people that are honored too young in the award shows but… really?? There are so many mature legends that get forgotten that deserve some love for their well lived talent. It seems way too obvious that they just want the promo of someone still quite popular for the ratings.

*****

Did ya know that St. Chad’s church in Shropshire has the real tombstone of the fake Ebeneezer Scrooge?

*****

Politics is war without bloodshed, war is politics with bloodshed. –Huey Newton** The Black Panthers had it right in so many ways. I would love to see buildings and programs again named in memory of the slain victims of police violence.

*****

Kroger paid its CEO $22mil, but can’t find the $ to give its essential workers hazard pay during a pandemic? Disgusting! –Robert Reich

*****

Ariana Grande married Dalton Gomez.

*****

25% of Americans think Trump is really President, 25% of Germans supported Hitler.

*****

People in this country have to be told not to put gasoline in baggies? India is begging for more vaccines and many in this country have to be bribed to get a shot to help themselves and their fellow man??  I love U America but there are some really selfish, stupid people here.** But, we also must remember that the poor may be a little fearful of the vaccine. Many cannot believe that they can get something for nothing. Free vaccine? Many hard working poor never get a break and have to wonder what the catch is.

*****

Days alert: Xander gets better and better. Thank you writers for his lines like when he spoke of birds of a feather as he was in an intimate moment, “Why not flock?”** Ken Corday said he was “on my knees, begging” for Days renewal. Jackee’ Harry (Paulina) and Robert Scott Johnson (Ben) have signed new contracts. Shatner congratulated them on Twitter.** Gwen and Xander both living in the old Horton house? Will he find out her secret?  Oh my.. not them together??** EJ is on his way back and will be played by Dan Feuerrlegel on June 9.** Eric is on the way back. It looks like Jonny Dimera is all grown up and will join his sister. ** Word is that Paulina will live at 227. Chloe and Philip may get together yet.** Will a dead body wash up in Salem??

*****

So $10 billion for a Jeff Bezos space firm bailout?? Is that true??

*****

From 1980-1993, the Israeli government prohibited artists from using the colors of the Palestinian flag in their work.

*****

Chevron got into trouble for their pollution problems. Steven Donziger who helped take them down has been on house arrest for 2 years. Why? He is begging to be prosecuted.

*****

I am really routing for Naomi Osaka. Nobody should be forced to respond to ridiculous questions from reporters. I get that it is part of their job but if one is willing to pay the fine, who cares??  I can’t imagine being exhausted and putting up with the nonsense. It reminds me of running up to victims of a tragedy and getting in their face. We can communicate by social media now. I am all about writers but use your heads. Much like Marshawn Lynch, it is time to stand up!! Protect your mental health!!** Well, this updated just before June. Officials warned her that she would be expelled so she left the French open. She was honest about her anxiety. I see this every day. When will people be allowed to truly be themselves with no penalty?? I think this when I see a restaurant worker forced to wear a humiliating costume or a cashier with a giant name tag with ridiculous advertising slogans. Yes, a company or event is paying you so they should have their promotion but put yourself in their shoes. These are all varying degrees of the same problem. Why must we be pushed into the same lane all the time??

*****

It costs about 2 mil to remove 4 statues due to litigation and safety for the removers.

*****

Hooray for the Texas Dems who walked out to block the outrageous voting bill there. I mean, amongst other things, the GOP want to make it EASIER for a judge to throw out votes based on ALLEGATIONS. They say the removal of hours for Sunday voting was just a “mistake.” There is talk of not paying the Dems but I don’t think they can do that. The GOP claims there are hundreds of incidents of voter fraud and they will prove it when the time is right. Um…..

*****

Bruce Dern, Olivia Munn and Keith David will star in The Gateway.

*****

The complete story of the Gettysburg address is in post- production. Look for voice work from David Strathairn, Cary Elwes, Sam Elliott, Michael C. Hall, Dermot Mulroney, Keith David, Matthew Broderick, Lili Taylor, Victor Garber, Ed Asner, Jason Alexander and Lois Smith.

*****

Was anyone surprised when the Son of Sam doc on Netflix wound around to Manson? I guess it depends on the books that you have read.

*****

Oh Andrew Yang, I have become so disillusioned with you.

*****

A Colorado man charged with murdering his wife submitted her absentee ballot in the 2020 election. He thought, “other guys” were cheating so he would give Trump another vote. –Reid Wilson

*****

The commonwealth of Kentucky has never elected a black person to federal office. –Charles Booker

*****

Have ya seen Woke with LaMorne Morris and J.B. Smoove?

*****

M. Night Shyamalan is back with Old.

*****

The Friends had their reunion.** China cut about 6 minutes out of the broadcast.

*****

Matthew Modine is running for SAG President again with his running mate, Joely Fisher.

*****

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. –Blaise Pascal Pensees** Are you sick of hearing about the angry white men on shooting rampages. It is alarming how we always hear about how everyone knew of their anger or that they had been looked at before and just left to go on their merry way. C’mon law enforcement, stop picking on minorities and old women and concentrate on the real threat.

*****

Brendan Fraser, Matt Damon, Jon Hamm, David Harbour, Benecio del Toro, Ray Liotta, Don Cheadle and Kieran Culkin will star in No Sudden Move on July 1.

*****

Can’t wait for the release of the 3 LP vinyl collection, Jonathon Winters: Unearthed. Look for it on Record Store Day, June 12.

*****

Concerning Marjorie Taylor Greene’s abuse:  “I used to work as a bartender. These are the kinds of people that I threw out of bars all the time.” : AOC** In answer to MTG’s Jewish star comparison, some have started wearing “not vaccinated” stars. What the fuck is wrong with people?

*****

Could Drew Barrymore and Dylan Farrow be related? They look so much alike.

*****

Jimmy Carter and Joe Biden got together with their wives and talked of old times. Much was made of the photo of that meeting that was released. The Biden’s looked like giants.

*****

Word is that Arizona congressman Andy Biggs was one of the main organizers of the insurrection. GOP Rep from Oregon, Mike Nearman, was caught on camera letting the culprits into the capitol on Jan. 6. TREASON! When will the wheels of justice get to them?** Newt Gingrich said of the Biden administration: They are “attacking people of traditional values,” by flying the “gay flag at American embassies.”** When will this latest religious fervor die down?** Word is that Tiffany Trump and Vanessa Trump had flings with secret service.

*****

Fuck you Trump, you left us on the battlefield bloody and alone. –Proud Boys leader Ethan Nordean. He explained that “We followed this guy’s lead and never questioned it.”  I mean what kind of sheep are these guys? Can they not think for themselves?** There is talk that Trump’s justice department was spying on reporters. ** Hey Kimmel: Can you stop talking about Trump? Enough already!! And.. Reality is boring? What?

*****

On Trump: I imagine it is a chilling final turn of the plot. His world is coming to an end. He will never have another good day. Loser label will haunt him, the law will pursue him. Mental illness will hobble him. His properties will bankrupt him. –Peter Marks

*****

So, the terrorist GOP in the senate does not want Jan. 6 investigated. Of course they do not want to shine a light on their wrong doings. They say they love law enforcement and then they shit on them like this. The very people that were killed or injured trying to protect them mean nothing to them. ** Mitch McConnell thinks he can stop the full truth from coming out. He cannot. The House can empower a bipartisan select congressional committee to investigate the insurrection. The select committee would also have stronger subpoena power because GOP members can’t block subpoenas.

*****

Rand Paul is to medicine what Flashdance is to welding. – Rob Reiner

*****

“We birthed a nation from nothing, I mean, there was nothing here. I mean, yes, we have Native Americans but candidly there isn’t much Native American culture. It was born of the people who came here, pursuing religious liberty.” –Rick Santorum** CNN has dropped him as a political contributor.** Only a fuckboy scumbag could be this clueless and wrong. –Michael Ealy

*****

The latest sexual misconduct news: Danny Masterson will stand trial on 3 rape charges.** Bill Cosby was denied parole.

*****

Trump is ignored and irrelevant on pretty much every major social media venue. –Mia Farrow

*****

The George Floyd family came to the White House on the 1 year anniversary of his death.

*****

The Kennedy Center honors have been given and will air on June 6 on CBS. This year we honor Dick Van Dyke, Joan Baez, Midori, Garth Brooks and Debbie Allen.

*****

Since 2000, the wealth of billionaires has increased by 238%. – Robert Reich

*****

The moon, in its orbit is spiraling away from Earth by about the width of 2 fingers every year. –Neil deGrasse Tyson

*****

Why is everybody surprised about the UFO revelations? Of course there are UFO’s. Nobody is saying they are filled with space aliens. Another country could be testing them. There are always things we cannot explain.** We also can’t be surprised that the Q types fight the UFO stories. Once scientific voices of reason come into play, they turn away.

*****

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has announced their class: The early influence awards go to Kraftwerk, Charley Patton and Gil Scott- Heron. Music excellence goes to LL Cool J, Billy Preston and Randy Rhoads. The Ahmet Ertegun award goes to Clarence Avant. The Performers honored will be Tina Turner, Carole King, The Go-Go’s, Jay-Z, Foo Fighters and Todd Rundgren. The 36th annual show will take place on October 30th.

*****

We are all just rapidly decaying meat bags. – Mr. Griffin on AP Bio

*****

Scientists have developed the whitest white: Ba so4

*****

John Mulaney is back on stage with the stand up.

*****

Killers of the flower moon is finally being filmed. The Scorsese film stars Leo, DeNiro, Jesse Plemons and Lily Gladstone.

*****

2 out of every 3 people in the U.S. get their drinking water from rivers. Support American Rivers.org

*****

House Dems passed the pregnant workers fairness act. Employers with more than 15 employees and public sector employees must make reasonable accommodations for pregnant workers

*****

HBO has shown a first look at House of the Dragon, the prequel to Game of Thrones.

*****

Bridgerton is spinning off Queen Charlotte.

*****

Purple lipstick is a really hot item.

*****

Peoria and Scranton are the hub of getting an extra family. JB Smoove

*****

Yamiche Alcindor is the new moderator of Washington Week. I miss Robert Costa but if they had to move on, I had fingers crossed for Weijia Jang or Yamiche.** Costa went on Twitter for the first time since 2020 to congratulate her. I can’t wait for his book with Woodward!!!!!!!

*****

The firing squad is back in South Carolina.

*****

So, there is a worker shortage?? Perhaps if we made it easier to get hired, things would work better. Can owners and managers actually look at a person and go with their gut? Can we get rid of drug tests and long online applications and psych exams? The $ spent on administrative work for hiring is ruining this country. A normal person has to jump thru hoops just to wash dishes anymore. We are not ll cookie cutter people. Often there are no rewards for loyal employees, not to mention benefits. And the laziness of employers who will then not do anything about bad employees that disrupt the work place is astounding. C’mon, give people a chance and then hold them to account and reward the hard workers. Most everyone I know has these same complaints. Who wants to go thru that?

*****

Medina Spirit failed a drug test after the Kentucky Derby.** You know who doesn’t care about who wins the Kentucky Derby? The horses. It’s time to ban horse racing. -Larry Charles

*****

I’ve had a wonderful time, but tonight wasn’t it. –Groucho Marx

*****

If you don’t need a mask because God will protect you, why do you need a gun?- anonymous

*****

How shady is the GOP when it comes to these recounts to support the big lie? Taxpayer $ is being used for this and now there will have to be new voting machines. Since the auditors have mishandled the machines and insisted on passwords, Maricopa County will have to start over!! Can we keep reminding the public that this is costing us all a lot of $???** Even the majority of republicans say that the audits are keeping the base energized for the next election so mission accomplished

*****

Tulsa survivors spoke in front of congress as a reparations bill was introduced.

*****

Men who think they can decide for the women who carry the consequences of their ejaculations that life begins at conception, need to put their $ where their misogynist, hypocritical mouths are with laws that require instantaneous and permanent child support or shut the fuck up. –Bradley Whitford

*****

It is estimated that there are about 50 billion birds on the planet.

*****

Maggie Q, Samuel L. Jackson and Michael Keaton are bringing us The Protégé.

*****

There has been a ceasefire between Israel and Hamas after 10 days of fighting. Well done on the Middle East, Jared!!

*****

Andrea Mitchell, a hard ass working journalist seems to be slowing down.

*****

Legos has added some LGBTQ characters.

*****

Can we put Finn Wittrock and Leo in a film together?

*****

Check out the Traveling Diary Tour.

*****

Jamie Foxx has some mega product placement in the new, Dad stop embarrassing me!

*****

Brooklyn 99 will air 2 episodes a week in this final season.

*****

Three Doctors who treated Navalny are missing.

*****

Laverne Cox will be the new host of E!’s red carpet coverage. Giuliana Rancic has left.

*****

Look for the book Bull Twit … and whatnot from George Wallace.

*****

R.I.P. Vernon Jordon, Ed Ward, Tawny Kitaen, Olympia Dukakis, Bo, the Obama’s dog, the latest mass shooting and stabbing victims, Roger Hawkins, Paul Mooney, Shock 6, Eric Carle, Charles Grodin, Diamond Girl Taylor, John Davis, Kevin Clark , Jim Clendenen, B.J. Thomas, Buddy Van Horn and Norman Lloyd.

[nancygduarteus]

Get Yourself a Nemesis

No one has more nemeses than the writer Roxane Gay. Since 2011, she has tweeted blind items about various foes in a stream of captivating updates. “All last night, I visualized crushing my nemesis this weekend,” she tweeted in 2013. “My nemesis is having a good year professionally and has clear skin. It’s a lot to take,” she noted last summer.

Gay’s anonymous nemeses have become so well known that, on Friday, Monica Lewinsky declared she would be dressing up as one for Halloween. “Not that i know who it is... just, ya know, generic nemesis costume,” she tweeted.

While having an opponent is nothing new, the more nebulous concept of having a secret digital adversary is a more modern condition. Broadcast-based social-media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter have allowed everyone to have real-time updates on other people's biggest accomplishments, and that can make it feel like everyone on the planet is getting married, writing a book, or winning an award. It's easy, when you see someone leading a seemingly perfect life, to want to tear them down.

I must reluctantly admit that my nemesis has been tweeting good stuff lately

— your friend Helen (@hels) July 23, 2018

As a result, the term nemesis is having a cultural moment. The The Huffington Post recently declared a “nemesis Twitter” phenomenon. There are more than 260,000 posts on Instagram including the hashtag #nemesis. And high-profile YouTubers have generated billions of views by declaring feuds then creating diss tracks against their digital competitors.

All these cases suggest that a nemesis is a special kind of foe. It’s not someone you hate with every inch of your being. That’s more of an enemy. A nemesis also isn't a bully. A rival might be a fairer description, but a rival is someone you're pitted against in a naturally adversarial environment, like a sports game. A nemesis, meanwhile, is a worthy foe in any area of life. They require a particular kind of jealousy, because you compete with them, even if they’re unaware of your existence. They can drive you mad with their achievements. But they can also push you to work harder.  

You’re only as good as your nemesis.

— Lauren Mechling (@laurenmechling) March 21, 2019

In that latter respect, having a nemesis can be extremely valuable. “It rarely matters who is on your side; what matters is who is against you,” the writer Chuck Klosterman wrote in Esquire in 2007. “You don't need a friend and you don’t need a lover. What you need is one quality nemesis.” One recent study found that long-distance runners are about 5 seconds per kilometer faster when one of their top rivals is in the race. “Something about having an opponent gets us to dig deeper, into otherwise-untapped reserves,” the writer L. Jon Wertheim and the Tufts psychologist Sam Sommers declare in their book, This Is Your Brain on Sports.

The modern nemesis trend seems to be born partly from hater culture. On social media, everyone has an audience, so it’s easy for people to criticize you. They might root against you, or question your success, or troll in your mentions. Over the past few years, many people with large online followings have started encouraging fans to lean into these haters by using them as a form of motivation. As DJ Khaled would say, “they don't want you to” succeed, so it’s up to you to prove “them” wrong. “Everybody have a Great Day,” Ice T recently tweeted. "Make your haters Sick."

Declaring a nemesis can be a way to escape becoming a hater yourself. While hating is about putting others down, a nemesis is about pushing yourself to be better than they are. You still may relish in their failings, but ultimately you value your nemesis. You’d still show up to their funeral.

the real nemesis is the friends i made along the way.

— Gene Park (@GenePark) March 22, 2019

Two weeks ago, I selected a male journalist notorious for his relentless work ethic to be my nemesis. People kept mentioning his writing to me, and I suddenly felt the overwhelming desire to outdo him. Even a member of my own family—who will remain nameless to save this person some embarrassment—wondered if I’d ever achieve as much as he has. Ever since, I’ve noticed myself working harder and putting in longer hours. Seeing my nemesis up at 7:00 a.m. on Twitter has made me more attentive in the morning. I've agreed to squeeze in more media appearances to talk about my work. Even though I may never reach his level of success, mentally competing against him has helped push me to do better.

Rachel Beckman, a multimedia artist in Baltimore, has had the same experience. “I have a nemesis who works in a similar field,” she says. “Checking in on them really ups my confidence somehow. It’s a reminder that just because someone has more recognition doesn't mean they’re better.” Alfred Wang, a writer in New York, who loves break-dancing has benefited, too. He’s had a dance nemesis since the eighth grade. “We haven't spoken in more than a decade, but I’m like, ‘oh he’s getting pretty good, what if he's coming for me?’ and I started practicing harder,” Wang says.

Declaring the proper nemesis is key. Ideally you’ll find someone just slightly more successful than you are. You don’t want to be punching down. And it’s best to keep the name of your nemesis private. Running around talking trash about someone on the internet could lead to a very awkward run-in at a party or getting reprimanded at work. Having multiple nemeses can be useful. You can have a work nemesis, a yoga nemesis, and more. They don't have to be anyone you’ve ever met offline.

To Whom It May Concern: There‘s been an influx of applications to be my nemesis. Know that I’ll be reviewing every submission thoroughly and once a decision has been made the universe will be notified, as will my therapist. Thank you for your interest!

— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) March 24, 2019

And remember to keep the competition positive. “[A nemesis] can be a healthy form of competition. It can make you step up your game,” says Bea Arthur, a licensed therapist and the founder of The Difference, a therapy service available on Amazon’s Alexa. “As long as you're not actually hating or stalking them. It can be a good way to encourage you to pursue your goals.”

Not everyone will find a nemesis useful. Those who already struggle with self-esteem issues or jealousy can find having one unproductive. Jessica Wakeman, a freelance writer, realized several years ago that a one-sided competition she’d kept up for years was ultimately holding her back. Her nemesis “always seemed a level or two ahead of me,” Wakeman wrote in a story for Glamour. “No matter what I accomplished—a book review in The New York Times, interviews on TV—I felt like a failure in comparison … One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t let my feelings go earlier.”

My nemesis? Well, it’s a little something you might have heard about: world hunger

— Katie Notopoulos (@katienotopoulos) March 22, 2019

The journalist Eve Peyser recently wrote in Vice that having a nemesis was antithetical to her mission of being a kinder person on the internet. “Being an asshole online, whether it’s tagging the target of your wrath or subtly hinting at the identity of whoever you’re bashing, can make you seem unhinged and sickly,” she wrote.

There’s a possibility some people rely on the concept of nemeses as a crutch. Jane Solomon, a lexicographer at Dictionary.com, notes that women can be chastised online for being too nakedly ambitious, so she speculates that some might adopt a nemesis as a way of expressing the things they want to achieve. “It’s not always socially acceptable to publicly articulate your own ambition," she says. "It can be seen as wanting things that you shouldn't want. Assigning a nemesis is an indirect way to talk about the things you want for yourself."

Still, for many people, having that everyday opponent seems to provide a healthy outlet. I plan to keep mine, at least until I outdo him. Then, I’ll have to choose my next nemesis.

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/03/how-choose-best-nemesis/585712/?utm_source=feed

[ionecoffman]

Get Yourself a Nemesis

No one has more nemeses than the writer Roxane Gay. Since 2011, she has tweeted blind items about various foes in a stream of captivating updates. “All last night, I visualized crushing my nemesis this weekend,” she tweeted in 2013. “My nemesis is having a good year professionally and has clear skin. It’s a lot to take,” she noted last summer.

Gay’s anonymous nemeses have become so well known that, on Friday, Monica Lewinsky declared she would be dressing up as one for Halloween. “Not that i know who it is... just, ya know, generic nemesis costume,” she tweeted.

While having an opponent is nothing new, the more nebulous concept of having a secret digital adversary is a more modern condition. Broadcast-based social-media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter have allowed everyone to have real-time updates on other people's biggest accomplishments, and that can make it feel like everyone on the planet is getting married, writing a book, or winning an award. It's easy, when you see someone leading a seemingly perfect life, to want to tear them down.

I must reluctantly admit that my nemesis has been tweeting good stuff lately

— your friend Helen (@hels) July 23, 2018

As a result, the term nemesis is having a cultural moment. The The Huffington Post recently declared a “nemesis Twitter” phenomenon. There are more than 260,000 posts on Instagram including the hashtag #nemesis. And high-profile YouTubers have generated billions of views by declaring feuds then creating diss tracks against their digital competitors.

All these cases suggest that a nemesis is a special kind of foe. It’s not someone you hate with every inch of your being. That’s more of an enemy. A nemesis also isn't a bully. A rival might be a fairer description, but a rival is someone you're pitted against in a naturally adversarial environment, like a sports game. A nemesis, meanwhile, is a worthy foe in any area of life. They require a particular kind of jealousy, because you compete with them, even if they’re unaware of your existence. They can drive you mad with their achievements. But they can also push you to work harder.  

You’re only as good as your nemesis.

— Lauren Mechling (@laurenmechling) March 21, 2019

In that latter respect, having a nemesis can be extremely valuable. “It rarely matters who is on your side; what matters is who is against you,” the writer Chuck Klosterman wrote in Esquire in 2007. “You don't need a friend and you don’t need a lover. What you need is one quality nemesis.” One recent study found that long-distance runners are about 5 seconds per kilometer faster when one of their top rivals is in the race. “Something about having an opponent gets us to dig deeper, into otherwise-untapped reserves,” the writer L. Jon Wertheim and the Tufts psychologist Sam Sommers declare in their book, This Is Your Brain on Sports.

The modern nemesis trend seems to be born partly from hater culture. On social media, everyone has an audience, so it’s easy for people to criticize you. They might root against you, or question your success, or troll in your mentions. Over the past few years, many people with large online followings have started encouraging fans to lean into these haters by using them as a form of motivation. As DJ Khaled would say, “they don't want you to” succeed, so it’s up to you to prove “them” wrong. “Everybody have a Great Day,” Ice T recently tweeted. "Make your haters Sick."

Declaring a nemesis can be a way to escape becoming a hater yourself. While hating is about putting others down, a nemesis is about pushing yourself to be better than they are. You still may relish in their failings, but ultimately you value your nemesis. You’d still show up to their funeral.

the real nemesis is the friends i made along the way.

— Gene Park (@GenePark) March 22, 2019

Two weeks ago, I selected a male journalist notorious for his relentless work ethic to be my nemesis. People kept mentioning his writing to me, and I suddenly felt the overwhelming desire to outdo him. Even a member of my own family—who will remain nameless to save this person some embarrassment—wondered if I’d ever achieve as much as he has. Ever since, I’ve noticed myself working harder and putting in longer hours. Seeing my nemesis up at 7:00 a.m. on Twitter has made me more attentive in the morning. I've agreed to squeeze in more media appearances to talk about my work. Even though I may never reach his level of success, mentally competing against him has helped push me to do better.

Rachel Beckman, a multimedia artist in Baltimore, has had the same experience. “I have a nemesis who works in a similar field,” she says. “Checking in on them really ups my confidence somehow. It’s a reminder that just because someone has more recognition doesn't mean they’re better.” Alfred Wang, a writer in New York, who loves break-dancing has benefited, too. He’s had a dance nemesis since the eighth grade. “We haven't spoken in more than a decade, but I’m like, ‘oh he’s getting pretty good, what if he's coming for me?’ and I started practicing harder,” Wang says.

Declaring the proper nemesis is key. Ideally you’ll find someone just slightly more successful than you are. You don’t want to be punching down. And it’s best to keep the name of your nemesis private. Running around talking trash about someone on the internet could lead to a very awkward run-in at a party or getting reprimanded at work. Having multiple nemeses can be useful. You can have a work nemesis, a yoga nemesis, and more. They don't have to be anyone you’ve ever met offline.

To Whom It May Concern: There‘s been an influx of applications to be my nemesis. Know that I’ll be reviewing every submission thoroughly and once a decision has been made the universe will be notified, as will my therapist. Thank you for your interest!

— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) March 24, 2019

And remember to keep the competition positive. “[A nemesis] can be a healthy form of competition. It can make you step up your game,” says Bea Arthur, a licensed therapist and the founder of The Difference, a therapy service available on Amazon’s Alexa. “As long as you're not actually hating or stalking them. It can be a good way to encourage you to pursue your goals.”

Not everyone will find a nemesis useful. Those who already struggle with self-esteem issues or jealousy can find having one unproductive. Jessica Wakeman, a freelance writer, realized several years ago that a one-sided competition she’d kept up for years was ultimately holding her back. Her nemesis “always seemed a level or two ahead of me,” Wakeman wrote in a story for Glamour. “No matter what I accomplished—a book review in The New York Times, interviews on TV—I felt like a failure in comparison … One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t let my feelings go earlier.”

My nemesis? Well, it’s a little something you might have heard about: world hunger

— Katie Notopoulos (@katienotopoulos) March 22, 2019

The journalist Eve Peyser recently wrote in Vice that having a nemesis was antithetical to her mission of being a kinder person on the internet. “Being an asshole online, whether it’s tagging the target of your wrath or subtly hinting at the identity of whoever you’re bashing, can make you seem unhinged and sickly,” she wrote.

There’s a possibility some people rely on the concept of nemeses as a crutch. Jane Solomon, a lexicographer at Dictionary.com, notes that women can be chastised online for being too nakedly ambitious, so she speculates that some might adopt a nemesis as a way of expressing the things they want to achieve. “It’s not always socially acceptable to publicly articulate your own ambition," she says. "It can be seen as wanting things that you shouldn't want. Assigning a nemesis is an indirect way to talk about the things you want for yourself."

Still, for many people, having that everyday opponent seems to provide a healthy outlet. I plan to keep mine, at least until I outdo him. Then, I’ll have to choose my next nemesis.

Article source here:The Atlantic

[douchebagbrainwaves]

STARTUPS AND PEOPLE

They're less willing to take responsibility for advising it. Nerds serve two masters. 05 million, and you can probably also insist that the round close fast. In outline, it was meaningless. The most famous example is Google, which initially made money by licensing search to sites like Yahoo. In some very energetic people's lives you see something like wing flutter, where they alternate between doing great work and doing absolutely nothing. They're as unhappy on the territory of humor as a mounted knight on a skating rink. And yet it's true.

Beyond that, they want to raise. More and more, investors are letting founders cash out partially. Spreading your corpus out over more tokens has the same effect as making it smaller. Do religion and politics have in common? People in past times were much like us. While the nerds were being trained to get the right answers, and that's making the stock move. But there is a common thread. And even that's going to be negative. Startups live on speed and momentum.

The teacher was using them too. Their other interests leave them little attention to spare for popularity, and since popularity resembles a zero-sum game, this in turn makes them targets for the whole web, with a filter for quality. The third was one of those that exploit an insecure cgi script to send mail to third parties. Do you want your kids to be thrown together with normal kids at this stage it is more a measure of the bugs in my implementation than some intrinsic false positive rate is, because we're up in the noise, statistically. I was more in the nerd camp, but I haven't tried to reproduce Pantel and Lin's results, but from reading the paper I see five things that probably account for the difference. I mentioned earlier. The big winners could generate 10,000x returns. We can afford to spread our net very widely. It's always alarming when two people trying the same experiment get widely divergent results. He believes you should get a job, and a party reminder from Evite.

Now I have a more complicated definition of a token. There needs to be a nice way of saying they need someone to tell them what you're thinking. Did we actually dress like that? And now I have independent evidence: the top tier VCs, meaning about the top 20 or so firms, plus a few new ones that are universal, or nearly so. Are some more important than nurture. When a startup does return to working on something, they overrate their achievements. You not only have to solve this hard problem, but you feel like you're lying when you call it one. 0 now, I have some idea what they mean.

There is an ongoing debate between investors which is more important, the people who think they don't need to say that ambition is a component of it, the way to deal with these guys was in high school. At the time it was supposed to mean using the web as a platform, which I took to refer to web-based alternative to MS Office. This seems backward. So even if the problem is simply that it's populated by adults, who are too naive to be intimidated by the idea. If you want, not to say they force things to happen their way. I ask What Microsoft is this the Altair Basic of? As for how to write well than most people realize.

Startups aren't interesting just because they're a way to turn a billion dollar industry into a fifty million dollar industry, so much the better, but the probability that it will succeed, but that it's very large, and the burden is on me to solve it. We plan to mine the web for these implicit tags, and use them together with other ambitious people, they generally don't understand what you're doing. But needing to get a cofounder for a project that's just been funded, and we'd rather have cofounders committed enough to sign up for something super hard. Ask anyone, and they'll say the same thing, and for the same reason market economies beat centrally planned ones. Their craziness is the craziness of the idle everywhere. You don't have to do it. You need to do iffy things to get an edge, and don't know themselves which are biggest. From free 0. Test: List the three main causes of the Civil War. In one culture it might seem shocking to think x, while in another it was shocking not to. And yet, financially at least, so specific that you don't have to find startups.

Having one is the best insurance against needing one. Which topics engage people's identity depends on the people, or the English. But there is another less sexy way to achieve that: just take less money. It does not, for example, finding the recipient's email address base-64 encoded anywhere in a message is a very good spam indicator. It's tantalizing to think we believe things that people in Padua were ten feet tall, he would have been too late. The most famous example is Google, which initially made money by licensing search to sites like Yahoo. Now all the VCs are looking for Larry and Sergey. The church knew this would set people thinking. I think the difference between Milton's situation and ours is only a matter of days, and literally nothing has changed. The most dramatic remnant of this model may be at salon. Find something that's missing in your own time, though, is that it might turn you into a consulting firm.

Acquirers know the rule holds for them too: if users love you, you can be sure it's not. I wouldn't be surprised if ten years from now eBay had been supplanted by an ad-supported freeBay or, more likely, gBay. We can imagine will and discipline as two fingers squeezing a slippery melon seed. The problem is, the only investors who can do it I'm going to consider all the reasons you aren't doing it, but at the high water mark of political correctness in the early 1990s, Harvard distributed to its faculty and staff a brochure saying, among other things, that it was being used as a label for whatever happened to be new—that it didn't predict anything. But this custom is spreading too slowly, because VCs are eager to invest again. The mistake investors make is not the real test. A typical angel round these days might be $150,000 raised from 5 people. Even if nerds cared as much as other kids about popularity, being popular would be more work for them.

Thanks to Jessica Livingston, Patrick Collison, Peter Eng, Sarah Harlin, Sam Altman, and Trevor Blackwell for reading a previous draft.

[5typesoftrash]

Pray in the Dark

Author: quicksilvermalec Artist: nathyfaith Rating: T (for swearing) Pairings: Sastiel, Destiel Warnings: Major Character Death, Graphic Depictions of Violence Brief Tags: Soulmates, Angst, Unrequited, Suicide Summary: Sam is desperately, hopelessly, miserably in love with an angel. His problem? The angel is in love with his brother, and he doesn't have it in him to make any attempt to break up their relationship.

Sam never even learns that his angel is his soulmate.

[longer tags, link to art post, and fic under the cut]

Extended Tags: Angst, Unrequited Love, Possibly Unrequited Love, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Sad Ending, Sad Sam Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Drunk Sam Winchester, Wedding, Heavy Angst, Suicide, Murder, Hurt No Comfort, Blood, Blood and Violence, Death, Season/Series 09, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, Mark of Cain (Supernatural), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Sad Castiel, Hurt Castiel, Divorce, this story is pretty dark, i think y'all might cry js :/, enjoy... ?

Here’s the art and you can read this story on AO3 as well! Enjoy <3

******

Some people have mundane things. “Did you get the mail?” “How was work today?” “Where are my keys?” That’s painful because people just simply don’t know when it’ll come. Every time the simplest, most everyday things happen, their blood goes cold.

Some people have things like “did you do the homework?” “My mom said it was okay.” “This is my least favorite class.” That hurts worse for their parents, because they know it’ll come early and they can’t protect them, and while it’s one thing to love and to lose, it hurts worse to never know at all.

Still others have words like “can I get your phone number?” “What’s your name, hon?” “That’s 14.46 at the next window.” And it’s quite possibly the cruelest thing of all to know that you’ll meet them once and never know them at all.

But Sam has spent his entire life tortured by the words He’s the only one who understands.

He wishes he knew what they were about. He wishes he knew who his soulmate was or why they say those words but he’s heard them a fair number of times in his life, always with someone he’d spoken to again later.

This is the story of how Sam came to realize who his soulmate was, and subsequently lose them.

~~

It starts when an angel falls into bed with his brother. Well… another angel. Dean’s already had sex with at least two.

Sam finds them just minutes post-coitus, spread out on the couch naked and barely covered with the blanket over their waists. He walks into the den and his heart breaks, so he covers it with disgust and mild disdain and thinly veiled support.

“Jesus,” he mutters, just walking past them into the kitchen. “At least the next time you do this, don’t do it on the couch. This is a communal space and I still live here, okay guys?”

Dean looks relieved and relaxed, and grins at him. “Yeah,” he replies. “Thanks, Sammy.”

Sam forces a soft smile at them. “Anytime. But seriously, get some clothes on.” He glances in the pantry before scoffing and fishing around in Dean’s discarded jeans for the keys to the Impala. “I’m getting fast food drive thru. Text me what you want from Arby’s.”

Dean scoffs but doesn’t argue. “Alright, see you later.”

Sam smiles and watches him relax against Castiel. It’s amazing and makes him happy to see Dean so comfortable and himself with someone. Sam’s never seen him this exposed and vulnerable. If Cas is what it takes, Sam will swallow his feelings for his brother’s sake.

Dean closes his eyes and curls closer, resting on Cas’s chest. Sam stands in the doorway, just watching them, for a long moment before he opens the door and disappears to get them dinner.

By the time he gets back, they’re decent and they’ve cleaned themselves up. He can almost forget the very vivid mental images he has of what they may or may not have done to each other.

~~

Sam supposes the next part is when Cas comes to him with an interesting proposition.

“I would like to marry your brother,” he says bluntly. Sam stares at him.

“Uh…” he says. “Okay. Cool. You’re telling me this because why?”

Cas bites his lip. “I understand it is customary for one to ask their intended’s family for their permission and or approval before proposing.”

Sam snorts. “Not anymore. That was about forty to fifty years ago, at least. And usually that’s a man proposing to a woman, and he’d normally ask her father. Dean’s not a woman, he’s a male-identifying person, and you’re not a man, you’re a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent shaped vaguely like a man, and I’m not Dean’s father, I’m his younger brother, so really none of that applies here.”

Cas purses his lips in the way that some people do when they’re trying very, very hard to keep from laughing. “Very well, Sam. Would you mind helping me pick out a ring, at least?”

Yes, Sam wants to say. Yes, I would mind so very incredibly much, because the very thought of you being with Dean tears me into pieces in a way that I never thought I could feel. Because somehow, despite being tortured and raped in the Cage for thousands of years, I have never felt such intense pain as I have in the months since you and Dean inadvertently revealed your relationship to me. I would mind, Castiel, because I’m in love with you, too. Dean isn’t the only Winchester to fall for our angel.

But he can’t say any of those things. Because he’s a good and faithful little brother, not to mention he can’t corrupt a literal angel that way, not as an upstanding Christian, and he refuses to destroy their relationship when he loves them both so incredibly much.

So he doesn’t say those things, and instead he forces a smile and says “yeah, I could do that.”

Castiel lights up like the sun peeking out from behind a cloud, and Sam knows he made the right decision.

~~

They go ring shopping together that weekend. In honesty, it makes Sam feel a little pathetic. He’s out and about with his best friend whom he’s secretly madly in love with helping him buy a ring to propose to someone else. It makes him feel sick. He’s miserable.

But if having Dean Winchester as his one active parental figure during the most formative years of his life taught him anything, it’s how to play through pain, repress your emotions, and convince everyone around you – including yourself – that you’re totally fine at all times.

So Sam does.

His faked enthusiasm must be pretty believable because Cas buys it, and so does the cashier. They pick out two options – platinum and white gold – and they’re looking at them both side by side. “The white gold is more easily damageable, but it’s lighter,” she explains to them. “The platinum is heavier and more expensive, but also more durable.”

Sam glances at Cas. “Well, money is a nonissue for us, so honestly? I think you should go with the platinum.”

Cas smiles. “I would be inclined to agree. Thank you, Sam.”

Sam nods. “You’re welcome,” he murmurs softly. The cashier smiles at them.

“I don’t see a lot of couples ring shopping together,” she tells them as she rings up their purchase. “It’s actually really sweet that you’re choosing your rings together.”

Cas shakes his head. “No, Sam and I are not a couple. I am  hoping to end up marrying his brother.”

Her face instantly pales. “Oh,” she manages. “It’s just… you seem so… Are you sure you’re not soulmates?”

Sam purses his lips. “Cas doesn’t have one, and… how can anyone be sure? No one really knows if they’ve met their soulmate until they die or walk out of your life forever.”

She nods. “Of course. Silly of me to ask. Here are the rings, anyway, and, uh… well, I hope your brother says yes.”

Cas takes them from her graciously. “Thank you,” he manages. “I hope his brother says yes as well.”

~~

Dean says yes.

~~

More accurately, he screams it like a girl being proposed to on a fancy dinner date in some clichéd heterosexual romantic comedy or chick flick. Sam can hear him from the other end of the Bunker.

It would be cute. If Sam’s heart wasn’t currently lying on the floor smashed into a million pieces by a sledgehammer.

~~

And then comes the part that really ties the bow on all the beautifully horrifically miserable events of the past several months. Dean and Cas ask Sam to officiate their wedding.

And Sam… Sam is an idiot, and a guilty one at that. So Sam agrees.

He gets ordained online, Dean picks up the marriage license from the county clerk’s office, and they’re legally married in the library of the Bunker.

Sam is only a little ashamed to admit he cries himself to sleep that night.

But Cas and Dean are happy. He keeps reminding himself of that. Cas and Dean are together, and happy, and that’s all he’s ever wanted for his friends, no matter what his personal feelings might be. No matter if those personal feelings are partially feeling his entire being torn in half every time he sees them together and partially wishing he could tear his brother in half every time he sees them together. It doesn’t matter. He has to remember that.

It doesn’t matter. It will never matter. He will be miserable happy on his own and Dean and Cas will be happy together.

The world spins on. Sam’s heart remains broken.

~~

The turning point, the thing that simultaneously fixes everything and makes it a thousand times more painful, comes on Dean and Cas’s first wedding anniversary.

Sam makes them a video, because he doesn’t know what else to do for them, and then he disappears to let them have loud sex while he gets drunk alone.

Cas finds him around two in the morning, which Sam supposes is technically no longer their wedding anniversary, but he doesn’t really care because he’s drunk and tired and he’s been awake for twenty-seven hours and he wants to die. But Castiel is here, his angel, the angel he’s been in love with practically since that first far-too-long handshake. And he’s happy, because he’s always happy with Cas, but he’s depressed, too. Because Cas belongs to someone else. Cas always has and always will belong to Sam’s brother, and never to him.

Dean doesn’t have a soulmate. Sam’s happy that he found someone else without a soulmate who makes him happy. Sam’s happy that Cas managed to somehow be at peace with himself, to love someone so deeply and truly that Sam’s measly, weak, moronic human brain could never comprehend. And he knows it’s selfish to wish that he were the one being loved like that.

He’s torn apart. He can’t fix this.

And that is how Castiel finds him, laying on the floor, drunk out of his mind and depressed enough to put a bullet in his mouth if he had the energy to lift his gun.

Cas sits down on the floor next to him. “Are you alright, Sam?” he asks quietly. Sam shakes his head.

“What part of this… gives you the okay that I’m idea.” He frowns. “Idea that I’m okay. Yeah. That.”

Cas purses his lips. “Well, at least you’re being honest, I suppose. What are you feeling right now, Sam?”

Sam laughs bitterly. “Nothing,” he confesses. “I feel… nothing. I’m broken and… and cruel… and mean. I suck. You should- you should hate me, Cas. I’m the worst.”

Cas shakes his head. “No, Sam, I will never hate you. You are my best friend.”

“I don’t wanna be your best friend!” Sam shouts, slurring wildly. “I don’t wanna.” He sounds a little like a petulant child, but he doesn’t particularly have an issue with that. It’s just his alcohol-blurred brain anyway.

Cas gently pries the bottle from his hands and sets it on the floor, far out of his reach. “What’s wrong, Sam?” he asks.

“Why did you marry Dean?” Sam wonders aloud. “What- why?”

Cas sighs. “Well… I married your brother because he’s hotheaded and passionate and he cares a lot about people even if he doesn’t show it. I married him because I’ve seen his soul and it’s one of the most beautiful things in the world. I married him because he needed someone to be close to him, to help him heal from everything that’s happened and he needed someone besides you because the two of you… you escalate each other. I married him because I was in love with him, Sam.”

Sam sighs and stands up. “I’mna go to bed,” he mumbles.

“I’ll help you,” Cas offers, holding him steady and leading him toward his bedroom. Sam leans subconsciously into the comforting touch and the warm promise of more, drawing them from Cas as long as he could until Cas inevitably leaves him again.

It’s just that… Sam knows he will never be enough. He’ll never be enough for Cas – Cas who wants Dean, who wants his green eyes and his bowlegs and his symmetrical face and his gender-conforming male normality. Cas who wants Dean in all his fucked-up, dysfunctional glory, who wants to heal him, because Sam can’t do it because – he’ll never be enough for Dean, either – Dean, who is ruined in so many ways, who was abused and maltreated, who hated himself all his life. Dean who believes he is broken in so many ways that cannot be fixed, Dean who resists Sam’s every attempt to help him because all Sam has ever wanted was for Dean to feel okay, even just for a little while, because Dean never takes anything for himself and that’s why Sam has to sacrifice the angel to him, because Cas is the one thing Dean will accept for his own wellbeing and Cas can help him in all the ways Sam will never be good enough to. Sam can’t help him.

Sam will never be good enough, and he’s long since made his peace with that.

But as Cas deposits him in his bed, walks away from it, Sam calls out his name, makes him pause in the doorway and turn. “Yes?” he asks patiently, always so patient, so good, putting up with Sam and all his bullshit on his anniversary when he should be with Dean, should be celebrating how happy he is with the man that isn’t Sam. Sam hates himself for this, hates himself for everything. The guilt is overwhelming.

“It’s because he understands you, isn’t it?” he asks. It’s a miracle he can get through that full sentence.

Cas nods sadly. “Dean is…” he trails off, staring at the wall. “He’s the only one who understands.”

He closes the door behind him, and Sam is far too drunk and far too close to sleep to figure out why those words seem so goddamn familiar.

~~

Sam wakes up screaming.

~~

Sam wakes up with one of only two people in this world still living that he really loves standing over him, a blade pressed to his throat. Sam screams and looks up at him and pleads for mercy, and Dean’s cold, emotionless eyes don’t soften in the slightest.

“Dean,” Sam sobs. “Please. It’s me, I’m your brother, I love you. Please…”

Dean doesn’t say anything. He just lifts the First Blade above his head and plunges it deep into Sam’s chest.

The light dies in Sam’s eyes, and the second it goes out, Dean is himself again.

Just a second too late.

~~

Dean will never forgive himself, Cas knows. When he returns to the Bunker from his pie run he finds Dean vomiting into the toilet, and he drops everything to be at Dean’s side. “Dean,” he whispers urgently. “Dean, are you alright? What happened, are you sick?”

Dean wipes his mouth on his sleeve and looks at Cas through empty eyes laced with horror. “I killed him,” he whispers. “He’s dead, Cas, I killed him. This thing, the Mark… I didn’t even know what I was doing. It was like I just woke up, and I was in his room, and he was dead.”

It takes Cas another couple seconds to figure out what he’s talking about. His heart drops into his stomach. “Sam?” he croaks. His voice is low and horrified.

“I lost control,” Dean whispers, and then he lets out a choked, miserable sob, a horrible sound from deep in his chest that breaks Cas’s heart. He never wants to hear it again.

Cas pulls him into his chest, holds him close, and doesn’t try to say anything. He knows there is nothing in all the world that anyone can say that will make this better. Nothing will ever fix what Dean has lost, and a death by the First Blade… that’s irreversible. They’ll never get him back.

They go back to him, to find him, and they peel off his shirt to clean him up, to put him in a new one. But Cas’s heart sinks lower, from the pit of his stomach into the floor, because in a delicate scrawl across Sam’s left bicep, where he always used to wear his armband, are the words He’s the only one who understands. But they’re not black like most people’s words. They’re blue.

They’ve already been said.

Blue like my eyes, Cas thinks, and he thinks back to the night before, the last words he’d said to this friend, and he wonders if Sam loved him that way. Why wouldn’t he tell me? he thinks, but even as he thinks it he knows the answer.

He will never be the same again. He and Dean will never be the same.

He closes his eyes, extends his wings to fly into the city, to fly anywhere else, and a set of Enochian words float across his vision.

His heart must be in the center of the Earth now.

He pulls one large, invisible, dark wing in front of himself and sees them, seared into his feathers.

It’s because he understands you, isn’t it?

“I thought I didn’t have one,” Cas breathes. “I always thought I didn’t have a Gracemate.”

He does.

He does, and it’s the brother of the man he married. He does, and he pushed him away again and again, repressed his feelings for him because he swore to be monogamous to Dean and he’s not an angel who breaks his promises. He does have a Gracemate, and he promised himself to the wrong person, gave his heart to them, committed himself fully to Dean when Sam was right there.

If he could have had them both…

But there’s no use in thinking that way now, not when Sam is gone and there is nothing Castiel can do to change that. He doubts it will stop him from thinking it, though, because knowing too late is one of the cruelest things in the world.

~~

They give Sam a hunter’s funeral. They burn him behind the Bunker, in the woods near where he used to love to jog. Cas remembers his favorite places.

They don’t take any cases for a while. Instead, they go across the country on an unofficial Goodbye, Sam Winchester tour. They visit his favorite diners, play his favorite songs, find his favorite spots in nature in all fifty states. They finish back in Kansas, they go back to Lawrence, and they see the house. Cas can’t bring himself to touch Dean at all, and Dean doesn’t ask.

Cas waits a full week after they return to the Bunker.

“Dean,” he says quietly. “Dean, we need to talk.”

Dean sits down at the table. “Alright,” he says softly. “What about?”

“About Sam,” Cas replies. “About… us.”

“What about us?” Dean asks, his guards instantly up. Cas takes a shaky and completely unnecessary deep breath.

“I can’t stay married to you,” he replies softly.

Dean’s face visibly pales and Cas thinks idly that Dean is wearing the same expression he himself wore just over a year ago when Dean told him he couldn’t continue to live in the Bunker.

“What?” Dean asks weakly. “I’ve lost so much and now you’re going to take my marriage?”

“Just listen to me, Dean,” Cas implores. “The words on your brother’s arm, did you see them?”

Dean swallows and nods. “‘He’s the only one who understands’?” he recalls. Cas casts his eyes down to the floor.

“Those were the last words I said when I left Sam’s room that night. Before—” you killed him “—he died. And now… I have the words Sam said to me right before that tattooed on my wings in Enochian. Dean, your brother and I were soulmates. And I don’t feel right continuing in this relationship with you. I feel as though I am dishonoring his memory.”

“Did you love him?” Dean asks abruptly.

Cas glances at him and slowly nods.

“Then why were you with me? You shoulda been with him.”

“Because… because I loved you too. And I never thought Sam would love me. I never thought I had a Gracemate, either, until Sam died. I thought you and I were more compatible, as two beings without mates.”

“But you would have made Sam happy. I didn’t have to fall in love with you,” Dean snarls, sounding angry. “I wasn’t fated to. But Sam was. Instead of letting us be happy you just strung us both along.”

“I didn’t know!” Cas insists.

“I don’t care,” Dean growls. “Get out of my sight.”

~~

Within three months, they’re divorced.

Dean never apologizes for the things that he said to Cas that night. Not even in the note on his bedside table the night Cas finds him hanging from the ceiling in his room, a rope around his neck.

And then Cas is alone again, to wander this strange, cruel world without his two closest friends to guide him.

This is how it was intended, he knows. He was never meant to fall for two human men. The fact that he did just proves that he cannot be trusted with his own destiny.

But if this is how he was created, why does it feel so unjust?

If he was meant to live this way, why is he so lonely?

He wonders. Will he ever feel happy again?

Will he ever feel anything again?