#also realizing this is kind of me and my qpp….

[themostfangtastic]

emo boy x nerd boy real like to charge reblog to cast

[lucid-daydreaming-archive]

this is like the third time ive had to post something like this but you guys need to stop treating unodum like a celebrity or fangirl over him or act like its some sort of gift to be talked to by him or especially treat his friends weirdly because they talk to him regularly. ive gotten word that his friends are being treated as special just because they have connections to him and being asked to like say stuff to him or whatever??? which is legitimately very very gross behavior. cause its not only really uncomfortable for uno but it gets very awkward and uncomfortable for me and his friends. im aware my popularity in the regretevator fandom is largely because im associated with him and in all honesty from the START that concept has made me pretty upset. neither me nor his other friends want to be seen as special just because we’re close to him. its part of why i didnt make much outside of the blog AND why i just abandoned the blog and the fandom altogether. i think a lot of you guys are a younger audience and are still learning internet etiquette and social boundaries, but this needs to be a lesson in how NOT to treat others on the internet, especially content creators. this isnt to say dont attempt to build friendships with people you think are cool and feel like you have things in common with, but you cant go into that with the mindset of “i worship you notice me.” you need to understand that no matter how popular your favorite creator is, theyre literally just a person. thats it. just a person. not a god, not a character, just a person. im really fed up

[chalk-homunculus]

I think... in many ways, I really just want to feel loved, but I'm scared of accepting it, and scared of feelings I feel like I "can't control" so I end up taking an overly analytical approach and overjustifying things like natural curiosity to myself by calling things "just scientific fascination" and "morbid curiosity" (because in my mind, things I feel I am not "allowed to" experience, be curious about, or consider, seem like they're taboo, hence 'morbid'). I can't really fault others for thinking that's messed up. I've definitely ruined chances at receiving any sort of care and/or love in the past by not only pushing people away in delusional self-sabotage states, but also by treating people like equations or research projects. I sort of hate admitting to myself that I DON'T know or understand everything, and that doing so is impossible no matter how much I like knowing things, especially since my inability to just trust and take what people tell me at face value is in juxtaposition with that desire for knowledge and thorough understanding. It is actually me and my own doubt of people that drives me into over-questioning everything I DO know.

I also am terrible at paying attention to others. I know this. I forget that other people are, well, people, and that they won't know how much I care about them unless I express it and KEEP expressing it. Not just verbally but with things like asking people how they are doing- assuming they'll just tell me if they want me to know is something I do, but I know very well how easy it is to feel like a burden and close your troubles away from others in fear of being "too much" to deal with. I've reflected on this, and my unhealthy manner of expressing fondness and trust for others being that I'm far too quick to traumadump and talk about myself, in the past, but I've not been making nearly enough progress on it.

I think, I seek and crave for too much clarity without offering any myself, that has driven people away from me in the past, and it's purely my own flaws causing it.

Maybe with another year or two of reflecting, I will be able to handle something like a qppr without it falling apart because of my aloofness and inability to pay enough attention to others. Perhaps in half a decade, I could consider a romantic relationship, if I've made any progress with all that + trauma work, by then.

[dameronswife]

thinking about that ar.ace text post about not wanting to call yourself single/wishing there was another way to phrase it that didn't have the implication of being ~available, and now I'm thinking about how relatable it is if only because I genuinely don't count myself as single

[prince-liest]

Hi! About your staticradio series (which is PHENOMENAL omg😍) - I know you said Vox is kinda falling in love while Al will remain aro. Which is awesome, we love to see rep! But I'm wondering if they will end up as QPPs (who fuck, lol)? Or it'll strictly be FWBs? Gah it's diffifult to describe it bc labels are so subjective and often too limiting, but I guess what I'm asking is whether they'll have an emotional relationship too, however it might look with their orientations? Will Al in particular have any soft feels for Vox & be fond of their unique bond? Even if Vox is in love with him when Al himself isn't? (I worry that would scare Al away😭) An intimate emotional closeness regardless of the specifics?

Thank you so much!! I've been enjoying writing it enormously so it always brings me a lot of joy that other folks are, too. >:D Just a heads up, this post has turned a little long because it got me talking about Alastor and the way he handles his feelings vs his ego in general.

First: I think the answer to this depends fully on how you personally define a queerplatonic partnership! I don't think Alastor would ever go for, like, a committed relationship with Vox in any form, but I also don't think that this would necessarily be a sad state of affairs for Vox, who I obviously write as poly as fuck with his toxic yaoi husband. Maybe it's because I'm aro af, but I feel like from Vox's end, "Yeah, I get to fuck around with the guy I'm obsessed with and he's not, like, nice, but I think I Stockholmed him into giving a shit about me!" is not actually a state of affairs he'd dislike! Especially since it's got that shiny "I'm special!" vibe in the sense that Nobody Else Gets To Get This Far With Alastor.

As for Alastor's side of things...

I think that so much of their dynamic dynamic isn't just set by Alastor being aroace, it's also set by him being a fucking sadist and a narcissist, HAHA. Like, he is very much in the middle of developing feelings about Vox, which (if my favorite interpretation of his little breakdown in the finale is correct) is also where his character arc is heading with regards to the hotel crew in canon, too, but his friendship-and-trust arc is slowburn as all hell and not entirely linear.

Part of the fun in writing Alastor is the process of qualifying all of his feelings with his sense of superiority in a way that is protective of his ego. He is freely and openly fond of people when that fondness doesn't expose any kind of emotional vulnerability in him. For example: He feels a condescending but genuine fondness for Niffty and Mimzy, whom he protects, and that's safe! He's quirky friends with Rosy, who is a benevolent semi-equal who uplifts his ego, and that's safe! He... may or may not have started caring enough about the hotel crew to have put himself at risk for them, and that is not only dangerous to his physical well-being but also massively humiliating, which is arguably worse to someone like Alastor.

He has SO many ego-prioritizing defense mechanisms and it's fun for me to pay attention to because I, too, am someone whose cardinal sin is probably pride. Anything is permissible only as long as it can be framed in a way that doesn't insult his ego.

Anyway, the point is: I don't think "soft feels and fondness for their unique bond" is on the list of ways that Alastor is able to find himself feeling about someone like Vox. The whole reason their whole situation in 666: Live on Air! started is thanks to Alastor's awareness and amusement at how obsessed Vox is with him. He sees himself as above Vox, and knowing that Vox is more emotionally invested than he is is part of the appeal. It's just gone from (derogatory) to (fond). (Which is, guess what? Safe!)

(It also means realizing that Vox is falling madly in love or whatever just nets a reaction somewhere in the region of, "Wait, is that significantly different from what you were already doing?", lol, because the only thing that's changed is the flavor of feeling, not the level of exposed emotional underbelly that he thinks Vox is showing him.)

TL;DR: He likes Vox like a cat likes a favorite mouse.

[aspecmemesdaily]

bro weird stuff has been happening to me lately. so I’ve known I was ace for a year now and that’s still going strong but also I never like. thought about romance like other girls did and never thought about a wedding. I never want a boyfriend and the idea of getting married scares me. and I wanted kids but I thought babies were ugly, and never thought about who their dad would be or anything. but like over the last year I

Really love babies and little kids, and now am miraculously really good with kids. I changed my major to education and finally found my calling (elementary librarian)

when I watched the pilot of fallout and I saw her wedding dress (I love that style soooo much) something clicked in my head and suddenly I started making little plans for my future wedding

it’s still hard for me to imagine a specific person as my husband but I realized I want that best friend for life thing. (my brother and his wife were kind of the turning point on this one because they just have so much fun and love each other so much. I realized it’s a different love than what I’d ever wanted before and now I really want that for myself?!?)

I still don’t really want to date anyone but I am feeling more open because the idea of finding someone who I love is just so exciting to me nowadays.

this is just all weird for me because my lack of interest in these things were a big part in what convinced me to look into asexuality and aromanticism and It’s so weird to lose that aspect of it but still feel no sexual attraction. I’m still me, but I’m growing into another version of myself and it’s so strange but wonderful and scary. idk growing older is weird when big opinions and feelings shift from what they’ve always been.

Thank you for sharing this, @jack1701.

I cannot give you a definite answer as your experiences and feelings are unique and only you can label yourself or choose not to label yourself at all. You don't have to fit into a specific box and I am not in a position to assign you a certain label, but I'd like to mention a few things that you might want to take into closer consideration if you so desire (The following points are just my opinion and may not be accurate!):

QPRs: Queerplatonic relationships are relationships that go "beyond" traditional notions of friendship, but don’t necessarily fit into the category of a typical romantic relationship. They can be a way to have that deep, lifelong partnership you’re envisioning without the pressure to conform to conventional romantic or sexual expectations. QPRs are quite common for partnering aspec people to be in. There is no set definition for a QPR and its boundaries—you and your queerplatonic partner (QPP) decide individually what you want to do or not do (e.g. hug, cuddle, kiss, live together, raise a child, pay taxes, idk??) and what you want to call each other (e.g. partner, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, idiot, shnookums??, whatever...), etc.

Cupioromantic: This label falls under the aromantic umbrella and typically describes someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction, but still desires a romantic relationship (regardless of whether they are in one, aspire to be in one, or not).

Aegoromantic: This label also falls under the aromantic umbrella and typically describes someone who enjoys the idea of romance or romantic fantasies but doesn’t desire a romantic relationship for themselves. You may think of it as a disconnection between oneself and one's romantic fantasies. It's explained quite well here, I think.

Other arospec identities such as demiromantic (only experiencing romantic attraction after a deep emotional connection has been developed) or greyromantic/grayromantic (experiencing romantic attraction rarely or only under specific circumstances).

But you don't have to label yourself just now or ever, and no label is permanent. Just keep being yourself and do what feels good for you.

All the best!

[raemanzu]

Okay, story time, containing awkwardness of the closeted queer nerd variety. And the dangers of using weird passwords.

Picture this common frustration: I have been locked out of an important online account.

No, I don't remember what kind of account. It might have been an online banking account. Now I'm thinking it was probably my car insurance.

In any case. All I remember is that it was something very financially significant, and I NEEDED to get into that account, so I could pay an important bill or something, something time-sensitive.

Stress was high. I did not have very much money and did NOT want Collections to be called. I was also a very young adult.

This was back in the early 2010s at the latest. I had only lived outside of my childhood home for a year or three at most. In my outer life I was a quiet modest Mormon girl coping with living in a New Scary Liberal Place, insistent that I was definitely Not A Lesbian and had not left Utah because of being in love with my best friend, definitely not, we were just good friends.

And in my inner life I was an extremely confused repressed queer ace nonbinary person doing very whacky gay chat roleplays with my future QPP, who I was now living with at their parents' house, featuring many anime and JRPG-inspired OCs with various complicated relationships with sexuality or lack thereof, including some intersex boys who were basically sex slaves to a bunch of royal women.

What does all this have to do with getting locked out of my account?

Well, there was a moment when I called the customer help line hoping someone could get my account unlocked, and the guy on the other end asked me what my password was.

"Oh. Um." I paused for what felt like an embarrassingly long amount of time. I had a habit of using names or features of my OCs combined loosely with L337 speak to help me come up with unique but memorable passwords. "Uhhh, I'll just spell it. So it's the numeral zero. Capital W… lowercase o… m… e.. n…"

At this point my face is starting to get kind of hot.

"Number 4… m..e…" I finish in an awkward laugh.

"Okay, so just to check, it's 0, Women with a capital W, 4, me?"

"Yeah," I laugh again, realizing that the likelihood of the average person having at least one question about that password and what led to it, is pretty high actually. In my flustered state I may have even rushed to try and awkwardly explain "it's an inside joke!"

BUUut if I said that much, I hope I stopped at that point, instead of regaling this random man with even a brief summary of the story of a traumatized sex slave who was desperately afraid of being forced to please royal women in bed. (hmm I wonder if there are POSSIBLY any PARALLELS between this idea and my asexual nightmares about being forced to temple-marry a random dude… lol).

I'm not sure I DID actually stop there though because I'm the kind of socially awkward nerd who sometimes infodumps that kind of thing, like a missionary wanting everyone to hear the good news of My Amazing OCs which definitely are just quirky because I'm So Creative, they have nothing to do with my Inner Identity Crisis. Even more so back then. (I'm a TINY bit more self aware now).

I don't remember what the guy said, if anything. But I was dying inside, wondering if this random man was constructing an entire narrative in his head around this poor technologically challenged closet lesbian. I may have even said that I had "moved in with my best friend" when I gave my updated address, because this account was based in Utah rather than Washington. Which is even more incriminating.

In any case, some part of my brain was convinced he was onto me.

Because I just had to go and use a weird awkward in-joke as a password.

Luckily, he didn't ask any more questions (out loud). Maybe he forgot about it all right away. I got access to my account restored, and immediately changed my password to something safe and completely indecipherable.

But yeah, 10+ years later, me and Cal still laugh about the 0Women4me incident. Still definitely not a lesbian, but for different much more queer reasons.

[raayllum]

i'm literally sitting here trying to figure out what EVEN i can SAY about aspec rayllum here? i think about them and i want to combust into heart emojis. i watched the first season when it first came out and then only happened to catch up last year with my qpp, and in between i was like. so infuriated when i found out they'd made rayla and callum a thing bc i - naturally - latched onto the green and purple character as an aroace icon at 18 years old, and my partner was like "no no no no TRUST me you've got to watch it, you'll love it"

they weren't wrong and after bingeing the whole show i'm stuck thinking about rayllum a LOT. they're written so much like my own ideal relationship that i kind of want to explode from it sometimes. anyway, my absolute favorite thing about them is how much emphasis there is about their friendship - to the point that when i watched season four, I can't remember which episode specifically it was number wise but when rayla suggested splitting up and offered to go with callum and he turns her down, my first immediate heartbroken thought was "she misses her best friend..." i just love how they're in love but they're in love cos they're best friends....11/10 no notes i need more relationships like that in media

ANYWAY long rambley ask about my loves aside, my question is what are some of your favorite moments where rayllum are so clearly best friends/goofballs in love?

No like honest to god though — me and the Rayla to my Callum are also in a QPR + dash of romance relationship and like... arc 1 and arc 2 Rayllum are just so goddamn sweet??

I don't agree generally that arc 2 Rayllum is more Mature™ than arc 1 rayllum — Callum is more patient and Rayla is more open, so they've matured as individuals — but merely just that they're different flavours of aspec-ness. Like arc 1 is the craziness and rollercoaster of meeting a stranger and realizing they're Your Person, and arc 2 is the deepness after the fact of "I know you, and I know that we can get through everyone so long as we have each other" mostly cause I think the main reason people label arc 1 Rayllum as more immature is because s3 Rayllum gushes over each other, but that's bc people have a hard time conceptualizing having deep admiration for your partner(s) that isn't infatuation... even though like? It's totally normal and welcome, like any long term relationship is "my partner is the most amazing person ever and i'm also very aware of all their flaws simultaneously" and like, arc 1 Rayllum hits that balance perfectly imo

I just love all of their stages and sides to them so so much

But yeah! Some of my fave moments Rayllum wise for the Best Friends quality has to be when they help each other up in 3x05 (Callum after the soulfang chase and Rayla on the ambler) because things are Weird but they're still always going to help each other? The "I missed my best friend" quality in s4 with no one laughing at Callum's jokes / talking about magic with him (vs their first scene in 5x01 being him telling her all about the magic stuff he's reading) and Rayla keeping her disappointment at bay always hits hard and I loove 4x06 when she's beating herself up and he takes care of her because a Good Relationship isn't about how you treat each other when everything's fine, it's 100% about how treat each other when life is hard/stressful and/or you're upset with each other

But I love all the gentle teasing in early S5 and the fist bump lives in my head eternally rent free. The 2x03 hug also means a lot to me cause that was the turning point she went from being a friend to being family and I think in a lot of ways, that's their relationship's most important turning point alongside maybe 1x06 (trusting her anyway!) 4x09 (forgiveness) and 5x04 (her opening up).

5x02 post-inn and stargazing scene are also faves just because of how happy they are talking about Nothing and everything, and like — that's just so fucking real, y'know? When someone makes everything automatically better just by being there

As Callum says, "We've been through a lot, and a lot has changed. Well, some things have changed, but not everything," and this never will

[toastedjeans]

I'm gonna post my PeppiGusDoise headcanons and none of you can stop me NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU

Let's start with them becoming a polycule. I like to think Gus and Pep were already dating, and Gus was friends with Doise for a while, comforting him and helping him through his depression and all that, when Doise starts to develop feelings for Gus. A little more time passes and Gus also feels something but he doesn't wanna say anything, and Doise doesn't either cause he knows Gus is dating Pep and like. He knows how scary and powerful Pep can get when he's angry. And Gus doesn't wanna make Pep feel like he isn't enough or anything, like of course he still loves him but he also wants to see if it could work out with Doise as well.

Anyway, Gus eventually talks to Pep but Pep is sceptical at first, so they settle on a meeting where everyone can hang out and get to know each other better. And Doise is on his best behavior cause Peppino reminds him too much of Peddito at first but he quickly realizes he's way less uh.. murdery.

So then at their date, everything goes well, and eventually they sit on a park bench or something together. Pep and Gus are close to each other and holding hands, while Doise is next to Gus but not as close. He doesn't wanna make a move of course. And there's like a moment where Gus squeezes Peppino's hand and like asks if he'd be okay with Gus also holding Doise's hand, and Pep thinks for a bit, looks at Doise (who is looking off to the side), then back at Gustavo, and finally agrees. And Gus slowly takes Doise's hand in his and like intertwines their fingers and Doise looks back at the two and sees Peppino just nodding approvingly and he gets so happy and starts smiling so wide and then scoots near to Gus and 7fbwkidjfjejja i am not normal about them

Normally Doise acts like a smug and cocky bastard when he's in a group setting or around people he doesn't know, doesn't need to impress, or doesn't care about. But when alone he isn't hiding himself or his depression at all, i mean he doesn't need to after all. BUT when he's around loved ones he slowly starts to become more mellow and soft.

After getting together with Gus, Doise realizes how much he misses physical affection. He's always up for cuddles or kisses, and he doesn't care what he gets, he'll love and cherish it the same way. Like, a big cuddle pile? Hell yes. Holding hands with Peppino? Hell yes. Getting a kiss on the cheek from Gustavo? Hell yes. Boop him on the nose and he gets all giggly.

Him and Peppino are both touch starved as hell, but in a little different way. While Peppino is uncomfortable with physical affection, at least from people he isn't close to, Doise could cuddle all day long. Peppino has to get used to Doise before he's as comfortable with him as he is with Gustavo.

Oh btw, Peppino and Doise start out as kinda sorta friends who happen to share a boyfriend, then they become QPPs until Doise starts developing feelings for him too. It's gonna take a while for Peppino to have feelings too but eventually he'll get there. For the time being, they are something like cuddle buddies.

Doise can be extremely annoying about wanting affection, especially with Gustavo cause he will give him some more often than not. He knows that Peppino isn't as comfortable with touch so he just asks for different kinds of affection once, and if Peppino doesn't want any, then he'll ask Gustavo. Probably multiple times.

Doise doesn't get along with Brick at first cause he reminds her of Noise. She doesn't like Noise cause he's loud and annoying, but Doise is a little different. She still doesn't actively go for cuddles with him, but she'll accept pets when he passes by.

Doise calls Gustavo either "Gavo" or "Guavo", and Peppino either "Peppo" or "Pip".

When he gets happy, Doise's whiskers curl up. Normally they droop down, but then Gus gives him a kissy on the forehead and they curl up like a cinnamon roll. He starts smiling like that one pic of spongebob where he has like the hugest and sparkliest eyes.

Speaking of eyes, the more time he spends with Pep and Gus, the more often Doise's eyes get like bigger (cause of the pupils expanding when looking at something you love), and when Peppino notices them, help him. He doesn't like to admit it, but he actually really likes his eyes. He thinks they make him look kinda cute.

And cause i said I'd explain it. Peppino and Doise are both very depressed, but it also shows in a different way. Peppino thinks more that he's a burden to everyone, that he's good for nothing, that his beloved Nonna would never be proud of him, and he constantly asks himself why Gustavo puts up with him. Doise on the other hand, he's all alone. He doesn't have friends or family, he blames himself for Peddito's death (they used to be best friends), and he thinks he has nothing to live for anymore, until meeting Gustavo. But there's still this fear that Gus (and later Pep) will eventually leave him and he'll be alone all over again. He thinks he deserves to die after what he'd done to Peddito and that he's a coward for not ending everything sooner.

Okay no I'm not ending this on a depressing note. Imagine Noise going into Doise's fight arena but there's no one there and he only hears giggling so he looks around, and then he sees Doise and Gustavo cuddling and kissing off to the side and he gets so disturbed he just. Stands there for a minute unable to move. He's like "wtf am i looking at".

Also imagine Noise being even more confused when he sees Peppino and Doise cuddling or something. Does he get jealous? Or is he mad that Peppino doesn't pay as much attention to him anymore? Why does his bootleg get more attention than him???

[bloggingboutburgers]

hi! so, uh, I wasn't really sure where to send this, but you seem nice and (hopefully) have some advice. I'm aroace, specifically sapphic-oriented cupioromantic ace, and I think I have a squish on this one girl. or maybe mesh? idk. all I know is that I really like her and want to be close to her, I think the word for me is alterous attraction? or maybe platonic or aesthetic, because I think she looks really cool too. honestly, I'm not really sure what the heck I feel :') could be a crush, squish, mesh, or just wanting to be friends. uhh anyways, I'm not really sure what to do about it. idk, I guess I want to become closer to her?

anyways, sorry for bothering you. basically I was wondering if you have any thoughts on what im feeling, what I should do, and also maybe how you and your qpp got into a qpr with each other? if u dont mind.

oh! and congrats on you engagement, your 'no one can know I dont like sex' comics make me smile and also have helped me figure out myself! thanks.

Hey!! I'm so sorry I'm replying to this ask so late T^T Kinda buried myself in other projects of let myself get distracted for this blog for a lil while... Either way I hope I'm not too late TwT And don't worry, you're not bothering at all!! (Also thank you so much for the kind words, they mean a lot TwT)

I guess... Whatever you do about it is up to you honestly, as vapid as that probably sounds of me! Heck, maybe you've already taken some steps since writing to me too, late as I am...

I also don't wanna put a label on how you feel, because it's a very personal thing, but I'll say – honestly you don't even necessarily NEED to put a label on it, not yet or not ever (whatever works for you), if you're not sure how to call it. The most important thing is if you're vibing with what you are, besides that you don't owe anyone any explanation. Though I guess it's also understandable to want to know what to call it if you're gonna bring it up to her... But also (maybe I'm naive, but yeah) I think there's nothing wrong with just sincerely saying you don't know how to call things yet either, even to her. I feel it'd be fair to both of you still, personally.

As far as me and my QPP, I didn't do anything – they were the one who realized they had a squish on me and took all the steps originally to get it going 🙈 Which they told me was definitely nerve-wracking! But yeah, their handle is @civiart if you want to reach out to them too for more advice, or they can also answer further questions here on my behalf, they told me whichever is fine with them^^

But also in case it helps, I've actually drawn how it went down for us here in the past, and I tried to elaborate a bit on my own experience of a QPR here and here!

And sorry again for being late TwT I wish you the best though!

[crimeronan]

How did you figure out you were polyam and aspec. Cause I’m having suspicions about myself and your outlook on relationships is pretty similar to mine

my answer is not going to be very helpful i'm afraid because to a point i've just...... always known. i did have crushes when i was younger but a lot of that was just projecting a life i wanted, rather than a real relationship with the other person. i've been in an open relationship (then turned polycule) since i was 16 because vi and i established extremely early that neither of us experience jealousy or care if the other fucks other people. figuring out my asexuality was a later development but prior to that i'd been having sex and doing sex work because it felt like something i Should be doing, so i might as well get paid for it. as a kid i always thought of relationships as friendships that include cuddling and/or sex, i didn't even realize that romantic desire was a real thing, i just didn't know there was a word for it. my romantic "crushes" have all really just been really deep admiration and excitement and desire for closeness with someone. maybe that IS what romantic feelings are?? but i don't fuckin know. i felt the same way about close friendships.

perhaps a more helpful answer is that i'm less invested in polyamory and aroaceness as definitions of who i Am, they're more definitions of what i Do. other people have their own views on their sexuality and relationships but! this is mine. i'm polyamorous because i've created a queer family of life partners and we all use "dating" and "partner" terminology for each other, even though some of us don't fuck or get romantic butterflies. i'm aroace because i don't particularly want to fuck or get romantic butterflies. i'm a lesbian dyke for gender reasons and also because i say so and because i always have been.

like it doesn't matter who you Are, on the inside. it just matters how you want to conduct your relationships and what language you want to use to define you. i have some aroace friends who structure their families similarly to me but use "sibling" or "friend" to describe their people instead of "wife" "qpp" "partner." doing it that way would squick me out because of my relationship with my actual siblings, but calling their friends/siblings their spouses would similarly squick them out bc they do not want that kind of relationship!

like. words mean whatever you want them to mean with queerness. you can do literally whatever you want forever.

[leathr-blr]

Headcanon dump when

you’ve made a grave mistake. media analysis is one of my special interests and i’m also a lifelong writer so this will definitely start to get incomprehensibly ranty (warning i literally gave like an essay length explanation of how i would rewrite heinz’ story in mml s2 and this whole thing devolves away from the question very quickly)

1. my funniest one and most out of pocket one i like to bring up is that i think doofenshmirtz is such a whore imo. an absolute harlot. i think he gets around. not like people are attracted to him or find him charming (he is NOT) but he will have been with everyone in the room, like, at least once. particularly the love muffin scientists, especially rodney, and he and monogram DEFINITELY were together at some point

2. on the monogram thing, i figured monogram “experimented” at one point before doof was an owca threat and dated heinz for a short period of time and that’s why they call eachother by their first names and are so familiar with eachother (heinz probably turned him from bi-curious to homophobic very quickly). i just think the idea is hilarious

3. obviously, heinz is transgender and so is perry, that’s a given. and as mentioned one of my previous posts, 2d doof is a karen archetype and your conservative aunt at thanksgiving dinner (you decide if he’s actually cishet or if he’s like blaire white)

4. less of a headcanon and more of an “i wish this happened”, i think monty and vanessa should have stayed together and i don’t like ferbnessa much but that’s also a pretty popular take. i like the perryshmirtz parallels what can i say. also this pairs very funnily with my first and second headcanons

5. buford and bajeet are qpps (they don’t know what that is but they are). ginger is supportive

6. another obvious one, i think pretty much everyone is neurodivergent because of course they are. to get specific on the ones i feel strongest about, heinz has audhd, perry is low-empathy autistic, the rest of the flynn-fletcher family besides linda are autistic, milo is autistic, cavendish is autistic, and dakota has adhd. thank you for listening to my ted talk. i’m actually.. 👉👈 writing my first ever fic, focused around how heinz and perry communicate with their contrasting neurodivergence that will be up on this account once i finally post it to ao3, and that goes a lot more in depth

7. this is actually something i feel differs a bit from most headcanons i see. my take is that norm initially (throughout most of pnf) does not see perry as a father figure at all and only tries to get that from doof, and is also jealous that perry gets all his attention, so kind of actively dislikes him. he also hasn’t made the connection that anyone other than heinz could fulfill that role for him, because in his robot brain, he will take father in the most literal definition, like they have to be directly responsible for creating you. and not something more complex and nuanced like it actually is because he’s a robot and he’s not gonna get that right away. but i feel like over time, he’d begin to realize those nuances, and start to accept perry as family, and get much more out of him as a father figure than heinz. especially since (unless it’s a human au) they would have similarly complicated relationships with not being human but also being fully sentient.

that was a long one and i still don’t feel like i covered all of it but maybe i’ll do a fic about that one too one day 💔

8. i don’t know, as i am writing this sentence, how explosive i will get with my details on this one, but my favorite proposed future for heinz is both a mix between doof 101 and act your age. so an open secret between my friends and i is that although i love both seasons of milo murphy’s law, i really. really. dislike the whole professor time thing. don’t get me wrong, i would keep the whole reveal and not change anything about the season 1 finale.

but, if i, alister r. zamir, were personally hired by dan povenmire and swampy marsh to write the continuation of said finale, i would make everyone including the audience think he’s professor time but have that be a RED HERRING and not ACTUALLY have him be professor time because i think that’s REALLY BAD!! (maybe make it sara or cavendish or even phineas and ferb since they already did that)

the reason why i, the new writer of milo murphy’s law season 2, think this sucks, is because heinz has spent his whole life trying to live up to the expectations of others, and in the shadow of others and is always striving for unreachable goals to substantiate his self worth. it’s like his whole character, it’s his whole thing, this is his canon ass story, so to just throoooww in that whole professor time thing VALIDATES this behavior and encourages him to keep holding himself at an unnecessarily high standard, PLUS the fate of the world is kind of in his hands now, so that’s FINE. AND IM FINE ABOUT IT AND IM NOT MAD. YOU ARE.

so coming back to doof 101 and act your age, particularly act your age (which i also don’t like as an episode but that’s another story), as somebody who suffers from The Serious Illnesses of the Mental Variety, heinz being able to move on, adjust his expectations, and not be doing great or amazing or rule the tristate whatever and just be fine with doing alright, is super meaningful and relatable to me

so i think they should have just stuck with that. i like the phineas and ferb characters included in mml and like i said id keep a lot of it, but i’d save all the heinz arc stuff for phineas and ferb exclusively cause i love the perry funding professor time thing and that whole deal is cute but also i hate it. because it’s so rushed. and everything with his development feels so out of place. and wrong. and it makes me throw a tantrum.

not to mention, but i WILL, how heinz is completely justified about being upset and falling into depression because of this whole ordeal, and they sorttt of treat it like he’s justified? but they also make him unbearably annoying and we as an audience are justifiably unsympathetic to that and it seems like you want me to feel bad for him sometimes but also hate his guts, which could have been an interesting conundrum ig, but even though i love milo murphy’s law, it’s character writing is farrr from strong enough to get any kind of interesting story or arc out of that

so like, in conclusion, dwampy, hire me, i will work for pennies

alright that’s not all of them but i’ve been writing for 20 minutes and my fingers hurt thank you very much for asking me i needed to get these out of my system

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INFJ here, 28F but questioning my gender identity. My question and its context is kinda NSFW, but has been bugging me for a long time now.

I believe I’m asexual and recently started wondering if I might be aromantic too. A couple of weeks ago, after a make-out session with a queer platonic partner (45M, romantic and possibly demisexual), I realized that looking at my body in the context of what we’re doing turns me off.

A little history here, I’ve always envisioned myself as a guy in my head growing up; I wanted to get gender affirming surgery at one point; and only recently have become more accepting of my body as something that I need to take care of and sustain, and not be cruel and uncaring towards. I also spend most of my time in my head, so my body has always been a cage of flesh and blood to me.

Another thing that also happened to me before is that after having sex with an ex, I felt like my mind was slowly coming back to my body and wondering if I had been the one doing all of the things that I did. It felt very distant, mechanical, and maybe even disgusting? I—or my brain—seemed very critical of what had happened. It was a consensual affair, but it almost feels like my mind dissociated even though I seemed to be enjoying it in the moment.[end of warning]

I thought that these two occurrences could be due to my inferior Se—the magnitude of external stimuli in the moment that needs to be processed—and my Fe in overdrive—feeling what the other person is feeling, because I feel I am very empathic—when I’m remotely intimate/physical with someone. Do you think that could be the case? Is it possible that these two functions contribute to my asexuality and aromanticism? How about gender identity?

I’m also wondering if maybe it is the self-image that my Ni has of myself and my body that doesn’t align with what my body actually looks like. In which case, I feel it’s closer to dysphoria? Is it something that I can work on by developing myself as a person, like in the dev guide? I feel very lost & confused. I’m trying to take the right steps by checking in with myself, talking to my therapist & my qpp, but I’d appreciate any guidance you could give. Tnx & happy pride! <3

-------------------

Happy pride month! You're bringing up a really, really complex issue. Two issues, actually: gender identity and sexual orientation. The fact is there hasn't been enough research about them, let alone research that would link them to personality type. In a lot of ways, mental health professionals are kind of allowing LGBTQ+ people to set the stage for how best to help and counsel them. While empathy and compassion go a long way to ease the pain of prejudice and discrimination, it's hard to find a therapist who really understands this kind of experience unless they've been through something similar as well.

I mention all of this as a disclaimer because it's important to acknowledge that a lot of what we think we know about gender identity and sexual orientation is very much speculative or merely opinion. Because LGBTQ+ experiences have also been heavily politicized into wedge "issues", it's also important to note that the people who speak the loudest about these issues aren't necessarily the ones you should be trusting.

I will start out by stating the fact that asexuality and transgenderism exist. There are studies that reveal neurological differences between allosexual and asexual people, as well as cisgender and transgender people. For instance, asexual people show less attentional and emotional engagement with sexual imagery.

That being said, I am not aware of any definitive and objective way to verify whether someone is actually asexual, aromantic, or transgender outside of what they believe is true about themselves. There are cases of people who come to believe they are asexual because they're operating on an oversimplified definition of it as "not liking sex", or aromantic as "absence of romantic feelings". That can't be the whole story, because humans are very complicated.

The person may or may not actually be asexual and/or aromantic. When you take into consideration the complexity behind why they dislike sex or have no/muted romantic feelings, it could be something seemingly unrelated to orientation. For example: physical or mental health issues; hormonal or libidinal issues; going through religious or moral education that downplayed romance or demonized sexuality; fear of vulnerability; fear of intimacy; insecure attachment; too many negative romantic/sexual experiences that weren't properly processed; having suffered sexual abuse or trauma; etc.

One way to sidestep the either/or trap is by understanding asexuality and aromanticism as a spectrum, where sex drives fluctuate, romantic attraction and feelings ebb and flow, etc. At this time, we take people at their word when they claim to be asexual and/or aromantic. We treat it as a factual statement about their current attraction patterns, sex drive levels, and relationship preferences. But this isn't very helpful for someone who's really questioning their own existence.

As you alluded to in your case, there is a chance it could be more related to personality development issues than sexual/romantic orientation. IF that's the case, developing your Fe and Se functions would eventually lead you to find meaning in emotional connection with a romantic partner and enjoyment in sexual activity. But the word "IF" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence.

I'm not a therapist, so I will only speak to type development if you are truly interested in developing Fe+Se and seeing where it takes you. With regard to Ni, a self-image can change and evolve when new experiences allow you to see yourself in a new light. Challenge yourself to build as many strong relationships with people as you can mentally and emotionally manage. It's important that you interact with as wide a variety of people from all walks of life as you can find. This allows you to experience the fullest range of what human relationships can offer you, so it prevents you from drawing bad conclusions from too small a sample of what's actually out there.

In the process of building these strong relationships, you will certainly run into problems. Pause and reflect whenever you meet an issue, difficulty, or conflict in yourself. Inquire into what it really means and what it says about you. Of course, you can ask for help from a therapist about how to interpret your feelings. Use real-world experiences to reveal all the obstacles in your mind that might be preventing you from connecting with people emotionally, romantically, and sexually. If it's possible for you to remove those obstacles, then maybe the issue is more psychological and you are not as asexual or aromantic as you believe you are at the moment, if at all.

To be clear, I'm not advocating for any kind of conversion therapy approach. I'm not saying you have to try to turn yourself allosexual. The main point is that you have to dig really deep into yourself and discover what's really there. As an Fe type, part of that process involves systematic experimentation as a means to learn important truths about yourself -> other people are your mirrors. When Fe is underdeveloped, people don't see themselves clearly and their self-concept can be heavily distorted by unconscious social pressures and expectations. An important aspect of Fe development is becoming fully conscious of social influences, such that you discover the boundary between where you end and others begin. And the most efficient way to learn is through firsthand experience in actual relationships.

With regard to gender identity: Disembodiment is a known defense mechanism, and it's not an uncommon manifestation of inferior Se issues. At the very least, it signals that something's awry when you're using it as an escape. I don't know where you live, but it certainly doesn't help that in Western culture, with its roots in Abrahamic religions and ancient Greek philosophy, there is a rather strong undercurrent of devaluing "earthly" things like the body and viewing the (especially woman's) body as a source of impurity, evil, or imprisonment of the soul. Western culture strangely divides up the mind and body in a way that makes it difficult to feel like a whole and integrated being. This is part of why Westerners get fascinated by Eastern cultures and their more holistic ways of thinking.

If you're serious about exploring gender, then you really have to dig deep into the concepts of masculinity and femininity and everything in between. Gender is largely a social construct but many people don't actually understand the full implications of this claim. Some people think a social construct isn't "real". Some people think a social construct can be easily changed at the snap of a finger. Neither is correct. I'm not going to get into the weeds of gender theory, for that you can consult the recommended books on the resources page. Suffice it to say that one cannot have a proper understanding of one's own gender without considering how the concept of gender is constructed by the society one lives in.

For example: The majority of cultures around the world are patriarchal. If you don't know what that really means, the takeaway point is that femininity has traditionally been underappreciated, even devalued. In a heavily patriarchal society, everyone is socialized to view men as superior and women as inferior in all the domains of life that are considered important to that society. Socializing people like this is about upholding traditional roles and hierarchies from one generation to the next. In the worst cases, women are treated as property or commodities to be used, traded, and abused at will.

Living in a society that devalues your existence, it would make sense that some women would want to disavow femininity or womanhood in order to preserve self-esteem and sanity. After the women's liberation movement of the 1970s, a portion of women understood "feminism" as being equal to men and doing all the things that men do, so they started wearing suits, getting obsessed with careers, and behaving more aggressively. But that was misguided because it meant further uplifting masculine ideals at the expense of the feminine.

As someone born with a female body, viewed as and treated as a woman by the society you live in, it is important for you to go through the process of opening up your mind to exploring and, if necessary, unlearning sexist thinking about what it means to be a "woman". If after having gone through this process of "deprogramming" your social conditioning and releasing yourself from rigid gender stereotypes, you realize that you're comfortable being a woman in a female body, then okay.

However, if you've gone through all that and you are no longer influenced by sexism and you still have no real connection to the concepts of femininity or womanhood, then you can feel more confident in calling yourself something else, something that more accurately captures what you are. You may decide to call yourself man, woman, nonbinary, transgender, androgynous, agender. It's about what fits you best when you think of your gender (or lack thereof). The takeaway point is: You'll only be able to see what you really are when your mind is truly free and clear of all the outside noise that pressures you into being something you're not. This goes back to needing Fe development and being more conscious of your position within society and how it affects you.

Since you're asking for my thoughts, I'll be transparent in offering my personal opinion and you can take it as you will: One of the problems with construing gender and sexual orientation as an "identity" is that it can sometimes become an obstacle on your path to realizing your true self. By putting a label on yourself, you are more likely to feel at peace, discover peers, and feel solidarity with a community - that much is true. But there's also a darker side to it. Sociopolitically, a label means you inhabit a predefined role, you have images and expectations placed upon you by society that you will feel pressured to live up to (due to Ni+Fe), you have a more fixed concept of who you are that could inadvertently cut off your potential for change and growth in meaningful directions. While I understand and support the case for labels and their ability to clarify one's existence, I also believe that labels eventually outlive their usefulness and have to be transcended in order to realize one's full potential as a human being.

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

i would love to hear about aro smajor actually 👀

AMAZING.

ok so the first thing i am always obligated to say is that i made a post about aro life series!smajor a bit ago that real life smajor found and told me, and i quote "this might be the most wrong take about any of [his] characters". this is the funniest thing that's ever happened to me and has only made me double down.

also it should be noted that i am on the aro spectrum, so some of my hcs about this are affected by my own experiences on this front. i am also ace, which is not true of my life series!scott headcannons (he is so very gay), so idk if that's gonna color my thoughts, but maybe keep it in mind?

so the thing is that, as scott said in that reply, all his characters are hopeless romantics. hence it takes life series!scott until around double life to figure out that he's aro, and hence flower husbands in third life. the thing about scott and flower husbands is that most of scott's care for jimmy comes around after jimmy dies. he's pre-grieving jimmy the entire series, he's making the widow's alliance, he is constantly a little bit exasperated with jimmy (even if it's fondly most of the time), he's telling grian "once we lose our husbands to the war, we can be free". he's kind of treating jimmy and his relationship with jimmy like it's a burden the entire time he has it. and i think that part of the reason he is so affected by jimmy's death when he didn't really show that he cared about him while he was alive (in this interpretation) is that a: he doesn't have to perform any romantic feelings for the guy anymore, he just has to feel the care he has for him and b: very quickly after jimmy dies, scott loses cleo too, his only other Real ally and friend on the server.

he looses both of the people he cares about in one fell swoop, but he directs the grief and anger he feels about both of them, at least outwardly, into anger about jimmy. he says he wants revenge because they killed his husband, because he feels like he SHOULD care about jimmy more than he cared about cleo, even though he doesn't, he cared for them equally.

and so then last life comes around. and scott has what he has with cleo and pearl. and he realizes "oh, ok, hold on, this is actually miles more fulfilling than what i had with jimmy." but the realization doesn't immediately go to "oh i'm aromantic", it starts as "well maybe i just wasn't compatible with jimmy". but then double life happens and he is not a fan of the soulmate concept, especially not when his soulmate is actively killing him so he runs off with cleo again, and even when he finds out that his soulmate is pearl, he has no interest in pursuing that relationship, even in a platonic way. and it's mostly because she was being reckless and not looking for him, but he talks about it with cleo and that's when the aromanticism properly clicks. and it just recontextualizes literally everything.

anyways scott and cleo's relationship throughout the life series is a qpp and mean gills are canonically a qpp. it's important to me that you know this.

(also scott obviously allos can have qpps but also. if you didn't want me to suggest your guy was a little aro at least. maybe you shouldn't have said that :3.)

[polyamorouspunk]

kfbdmbddmnd I know its not sleepover fridays where you take these kinda of asks so you can either hold onto this until then or not, no huge deal, I just wanted to get this off my chest and im realizing this may sound incomprehensible lmao. so!

I may have issues with my first ever relationship, of any incredibly intimate/pseudo-romantic kind, and I’m worried that I may have fucked up.

I’m in a pretty heavy duty qpr with this person (if I had to call it anything it would be qpr, they’re more married to the term than I am.) and have been for about 7/8 months now. it was Incredibly Intense sparks between us, instant insanely high attachment insanely fast. they described our initial few conversations weeks after the fact as borderline spiritual, neither of us really believe in soulmates but they felt like they must have known me in a past life. we’re both polyamorous, and they’ve been engaged to someone else for quite a bit before they met me (for reasons, they’re on rocky-ish terms rn but still together), and one time they looked me dead in the eye and said if they weren’t already promised to someone they’d want to marry me. I have been this persons seemingly sole emotional rock this entire time, my dms are a dumping ground for everything from soul crushing existential dread and breakdowns to the newest fixation to the latest crushes.

at first I was on board with how fast we’ve been going, trying to match their energy. they have years more experience than I do with polyamory which initially I’ve been deferring to just like experience wise while I’ve just read more ethical non monogamy/polyamory theory. im on the aroace spectrum, ive been really up front with my stance on amatonormativity and that kind of thing, whatever pace works for us works we just gotta keep tabs on our comfortability and energy. but like. hm. it’s clear that I’m the one with all of the emotional maturity and regulation.

when they said they’d want to marry me when they were already engaged felt like a red flag at the time, esp since I knew that they were going through a rocky period with their fiancé. they started So intense So fast that. I sorta feel like it’s fucked with my brain chemistry. to the point where now I feel like hopping out the gate with “I must have known you in a past life” in this very “stay with me forever” sort of way while only really knowing each other for a Month is also sort of a red flag in hindsight.

now heres the thing though. I have been matching this intensity, learning new things about myself and how my own attraction works, but like, my trust will be broken by them somehow and I’ll plummet through almost half the stages of grief and have a Hell of a time trying to feel the same kind of close to them that we started out as, I explain my grievance, they have a breakdown why they’re a bad person I assure them this isn’t the case, we just gotta improve behavior, and then they’re back to normal.

there’s small things like us discussing relationship terminology, telling each other that partner sounds good, but then in public they introduce me as their friend. or asking for privacy concerning my mental health stuff I tell them and then later find out they told like 4 other partners and qpps with out me knowing.

or the larger things like one time I was depressed so we planned a date like 2 weeks in advance, talking about it basically every day. but the night before they had an impromptu one night stand with an acquaintance, spammed my messages with gushing about this new sort of relationship, how great the sex was, including pictures I Did Not Ask For, and how they’ve never felt this way before. I was initially surprised at this deluge of stuff but ok, I was feeling happiness for them, I do get a lot of compersion, but also felt it was a lil weird.

when we actually meet up, they spend the Entire date talking about this other person. Everything. Not once do they ask about my day or talk about anything else. at one point they start physically flirting with me but then get distracted with talking about how the other person would touch them and then said that they’re still worked up from them.

I am viscerally uncomfortable, almost dissociating. I try to change the subject and they just blithely switch it back to them after a few minutes. later when I told them about how this made me feel, they had a breakdown about how they’re a bad person and don’t respect anyone. which while empathetic, is unhelpful. I can’t comfort them through an issue I’m having with them.

so I guess my question would be how the fuck do I deescalate a relationship like this. I like them, I like spending time with them, but they don’t show me any thoughtfulness at all and my boundaries are encroached upon with zero self awareness.

Okay yeah so I’m sensing some like. I’m not going to say “borderline behaviors” because like there are a variety of mental illnesses that have similar symptoms, but as someone with BPD I’m going to say “bpd symptoms” because they’re similar to ones that I would have.

Anyone that uses “I’m such a bad person” is not in a good headspace. I don’t remember the last time I’ve gone on the “I’m such a terrible person” rampage but whenever it was it was because I was throwing a pity party and that is exactly what it is. No one who is throwing out the most guilt trip line of all time like that is in a good headspace or mature. Now I mean like I’ve said “what if I’m a bad person what if I need to be better” and that’s different. I’ve said that recently and it led to “maybe I should go back to therapy and work on myself” which wow wouldn’t you know it is exactly what I’m doing. Big difference between someone telling you you hurt them and going “IM SORRY IM SUCH A BAD PERSON” and going to your friends in private and being like “hey I don’t think I handled this as well as I would have liked in retrospect, could you maybe give your insight on what I could have done better and what I maybe handled appropriately given the situation, AITA or no?” Yk? Which is exactly what I did the night I went to 🔮’s bf’s party which was what then led her to saying she needed space from me so then I was like “hey here’s what happened did I do something wrong?” @ my friends in my server.

You can apologize without making it about yourself. You can say “I’m sorry” without taking on “I’m such a bad person”. I said sorry to 🔮 numerous times, asked if I could fix it, asked if I ruined it between us. But never did I say “sorry I’m just such a horrible person” because you know what I’m still trying to sell myself to this girl why would I say shit like “I’m such a bad person.” Like when someone tells you they’re a bad person they want reassurance they’re not because if you say “yeah you kinda are” then suddenly YOU’RE the shitty one but like yeah it’s really not a good move to trash yourself it’s a lot sexier to stand your ground and be like “I’m sorry this upset you and I’m willing to accommodate and change my behavior while staying true to me.”

It really seems like you were, at one point, just their newest obsession. And that they become obsessed with other people equally. It seems like you got sucked into their vortex, and it’ll be a lot more painful for you to get out than for them. It seems like you may have already tried to set boundaries (communicating that things upset you) and they were not well received (re: “I’m such a bad partner I’m so sorry” instead of “I’m sorry let me work on that next time”).

I’m not a spiritual person but I’m also not going to knock someone else’s spiritual beliefs so I don’t want to be like “man telling someone you must have known them in a past life sounds like it could be psychosis” but it sure is Coming On Too Strong™️. I mean, like I know that I come on too strong, but holy shit that is a whole ‘nother level. If it makes you uncomfortable to hear things like that, you are allowed to say that. Because I’m pretty sure that would make me uncomfortable personally.

Also the idea of being “promised to someone” in a nonmonogamous relationship is… sketchy… especially when they are telling you they want to replace that person’s role in their life with you… like that’s not healthy polyamory. Healthy polyamory is creating new roles for people in your life not replacing the roles people already fill with new roles while that person is quite literally still in that role.

If they’re telling other members of their polycule things you asked them to keep to themselves then they are once again not respecting your boundaries.

I understand that people can be really charming and draw people in (think of extreme cases like Manson and Bundy) and that it can be hard to escape that. It doesn’t sound healthy from the outside but I’m not one to be like “dump their ass” for advice. I’m just saying that you’re aware it’s kind of toxic and unhealthy, and obviously I don’t have both sides, but I can say as someone who does have BPD there is a world where you can have a partner with those kinds of issues and have a relationship that isn’t that toxic I swear. Like I was a lot worse than I am not and I got better, like there are plenty of more mild people out there who have the same issues but actually put in the effort to get better for those around them.

[frogofshadyorigin]

Got a bit emotional in the morning over some things (in a good way) and wanted to write down my feelings so I can come back to them. So if you want to hear about my life, read on.

It's been half a year of QPR for me now and holy smokes, this stuff is awesome. There is this person in your life, just chilling with you, the vibes are great and for me it's a big step of recovery.

Especially since I wouldn't have thought I'd ever end up like this. Happy with someone else who doesn't need me to check certain boxes or fulfil expectations.

I've been struggling with this whole relationship thing for a long time, because I had some really bad experiences in the past and then found out that I'm asexual a bit later.

And then, just as I finally accept that I can have a relationship with someone as an asexual person without it being a problem (even if a potential partner is allosexual), I realize I'm also aromantic.

Which was a big deal, because I love the concept of romance (as well as the intimacy that comes with sex, but that's a whole other story I'm trying to figure out). I'm a hopeless romantic in some sense. I'll just never feel it. And that was really hard and I struggled a lot with it, for over a year.

And then, after finally accepting it fully as a part of myself (with a cup of tea in shorts and a t-shirt on my balcony at 2am in February) and learning how to still show my love to people, just not in a romantic sense, I end up here.

Here is a qpr with an awesome, cool, beautiful, kind and caring boyfriend. And it just didn't occur to me that this could ever happen. That someone would like me enough, even though I can't give what is normally expected by society. What is seen as the one imperative to relationships. Sex and romance.

And yet, on that day in the park (cliché, I know) he asked me (it's a bit more detailed but that's not available to the public right now) if I'd like to try it out. And I'm so glad I said yes, because it led to this wonderful thing in my life. And I'm so glad I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not to make him happy.

I didn't think we'd even make it this far. I was sure that he'd tire of me, since I am a bit complicated (from my pov at least). That he'd turn his back and leave for something simpler.

He didn't. And I feel bad for thinking like this back then. Because he really has been nothing but great in the last six months. He helped me a lot in accepting people around, he gave me space and time to do things my way and my speed, he respected every boundary I've ever set and I just hope that I can be even slightly as good a qpp to him as he is a boyfriend to me.

Anyway, emotional appreciation post over.