#also realized the born to die world is a fuck meme works way better for the lambda squad but its funny for goldy pond too

[goldiipond]

thinking about. goldy ponds

[luxgalador]

Ma'am, If I may, what led you to coming to terms with your identity? Was there a process that made you think, "maybe I'm not what I was born with?" No matter how your respond, I thank you for the mega cool vibes and consistent dream of memes, cat pics, and explanations of why furry stuff is super cool

I never had a lightbulb moment. And I also am not a "I always knew" type of girl. My unravelling and actualizing has been and continues to be a gradual process of following what feels good and asking myself questions about why it feels good.

In hindsight, I can say "oh yeah that makes a lot more sense" now that I've realized some major things, of course. But I never felt "I'm not what I was born with." It was more a "maybe I could be this? Let's follow this."

One thing I did always know is that I felt different than most other people. I figured that one out pretty early. The way I interacted with the world just didn't seem to align with how many folks did. And my problem is that I never connected with, knew, or was even aware that the way I felt was something that others felt too.

Realistically I didn't really have an original thought about my own identity until I was 19 years old and finding myself in substance abuse rehabilitation. It was only when faced with the real possibility of my own death that my Self™ began to emerge. She started slowly taking control. Because I needed it. Because without me, actually me, driving the car of my life, I was going to fucking die.

My queerness first emerged in a dream when I was 20. I don't remember the dream, but I remember waking up in a panic. I'd grown up aware of queer people, but fed through my well-meaning cishet mom who's only exposure to queerness was through the blood-stained lens of the AIDS crisis. "It's such a hard life" was a phrase I'd heard so often in regards to gay people. It wasn't outwardly hateful, but it felt like an "other" existence that wasn't preferable to "normal" society. My only awareness of trans people was through punchlines and stereotypes. Despite having always wanted to be a girl if given the choice, I didn't understand that there actually was a choice and I could be what I wanted.

I started making videos more earnestly and engaging with the YouTube community. I became pretty successful in that world. I also became a student. Fueled by curiosity and a compulsion to understand the world to keep myself going, I learned. I listened. I asked questions. I was YouTube's It Bi Boy™ but something remained missing.

I hadn't spoken the words yet, but I started growing my hair out. I'd seen a lot of sapphics with short curly bob hairdos that I wanted to emulate. I wanted to look feminine. As I was aging into my mid-20s, I started looking like a man and I hated it. I didn't understand what that meant beyond "I don't want to look like a man." That evolved into, okay well maybe I'm not a man.

The rest of my 20s, that's the crux of my identity. It wasn't an affirmative identity, but rather a reductive one. The only thing I knew is what I wasn't. I wasn't a man. I thought this was enough. Deep in me I wanted to be a woman, but I still didn't realize that I could be. That I already was.

I did more makeup daily before HRT. I got dolled up every single day to go to work. My heart would soar if someone "mistook" me for a woman. That's how I wanted to be perceived. But I was stuck in "not a man" identity for a while.

I read an article in 2019 about HRT regimens that were low-dose. I'd never considered hormones before this. But I knew immediately this is what I wanted. It felt like a level that I was "allowed" to have. I still felt like I wasn't allowed to be a woman. That I wasn't trans enough to embrace it. I made an appointment within a week.

Pandemic happened, in many ways my life froze. But I kept changing. After 6 months on the low-dose I said "fuck it" and went to a full dose. I grew tits. I felt so much better. Relieved. Like I was course correcting. It was good, but still not good enough.

I had to move to Florida due to financial issues in late 2021. I had roommates again including my sister. It was the first time I was around people regularly after so much had changed in my body. It was a few months later that I realized that I was basically living my life as a woman just without affirming that reality to myself. So 2.5 years into HRT I finally did it. I owned that. I she/they'd for like 2 weeks then realized I didn't want they. I didn't want neutrality. I wanted to be and was her. In this moment I also connected the dots that my sexuality was not bi, despite years in that community and many, many videos made by me on the subject. Bisexuality, in hindsight, was an identity that allowed me access to loving women queerly before I knew I was a woman myself.

So here I am, at 30, about 10 years after that first dream. I'm a woman. I'm a lesbian. I'm living with the love of my life in Chicago. And in many ways, it feels like I'm just getting started. Thanks for reading.

[tonystarkbingo]

Tony Stark Bingo Prompt Meme

So, we did another Prompt Meme game, and came up with these summaries based on a three-tag prompt. This is an open prompt, if any of these summaries look like fun to you, please feel free to write them!! Tag us or the writer of the prompt when you do so we can all see how cool you are and what you’ve given us for the promot

@summerpipedream - Winteriron - All Tony wanted to do after finishing up at MIT was to pack up his desk at Stark Industries and quietly fade into obscurity. Sure money was tight, but he never expected Jan to actually sign him up for one of those social media reality shows. Now, he was stuck in a house, with no phone, no internet, or access to the outside world, trying to avoid the sexy Bucky Barnes, who's mission in life seemed to be to never wear a shirt around him.

@darthbloodorange - The world is ending, an alien race has all but taken over the world, it is an apocalypse of devastating proportions, most of the world is dead. The Avengers, those who are left, have retreated to a bunker built a fourth of the way down into the Earth’s core. Tony and Steve have been growing closer, when they are not working together to find a way to fight back against the aliens, they are fuck buddies. Tony’s a genius, he knows the odd of surviving this are not in their favour. Odds were that they were going to die… and well, Tony doesn’t want to die without letting Steve know how he feels. Before the battle Tony corners Steve in the armoury and confesses that he loves him. Steve is aromatic, has been since project rebirth.  They are both so very sorry. 

@newnewyorker93 - After a series of strange killings where the victims are found set up kneeling like they're praying, Tony Stark (a private detective) is on the case. An initial (false) suspect is the local priest, Matt Murdoch, who ends up being a helpful ally in solving the case (and possibly more)

@27dragons - Winteriron: You'd think that Tony Stark would have learned to ski when he was growing up. You'd think wrong; Howard never saw the point in it. So here he is, almost done with his PhD, and his friends have decided on a spring break trip to go skiing. He doesn't want to admit to them that he doesn't know how, so their first night at the lodge, he offers one of the ski instructors a large sum of money to sneak him up onto the slopes for a few lessons that night. Against his better judgment -- but desperately needing the cash -- Ski instructor Bucky Barnes takes Tony up on the slopes. Unfortunately, just as Tony's starting to get the hang of things, it starts snowing. Hard. Even more unfortunately, the newfallen snow disguises a patch of ice and Tony tumbles out of control. By the time Bucky catches up to him and verifies that he's not badly hurt, the snow is coming down too hard to see the lodge -- so what else are they to do but seek shelter in a caretaker's cabin conveniently (TM) nearby and wait for morning...?

@gavilansblog - Tony is kidnapped as part of an Evil Plot (TM). He's handling things just fine, tyvm, until his would-be rescuer (who he's been pining for, obviously), gets dragged in and handcuffed back to back with him. Seriously, dude? If you insist on breaking the kidnapping procedure at least actually rescue me! The taxes come in when the Evil Plot Master does his monologue and reveals that the kidnapping is part of a Villain Logic scheme to get Stark Industries to throw money behind the campaign to get a new law requiring actually taxing billionaires to fail. Evil Plot Master is, naturally, a billionaire. Tony would facepalm if he weren't handcuffed to his idiot rescuer, seriously. And then the kidnapping protocol kicks in and Jarvis shuts the whole facility down only instead of being handcuffed by himself Tony is now handcuffed to his rescuer so they have to do the whole escaping part of the plan while handcuffed together, resulting is the standard Tension (TM) moments and possibly an almost-kiss.

Fey Relay - Bruce, Tony, and Peter, resident science geeks, get de-aged and really want to play in the lab. You know, the one that has lots of things that can kill them in it? But they're still sort of mentally in there, just cranky and smol. So they get assigned their own Non-Science Adults who they hand-hold and point to do their sciency bidding. Thor, Steve, and Natasha oblige them and have great fun!

@rise-up-ting-ting-like-glitter Dragons were real. Okay they were actually just souped-up dinosaurs, but that didn’t mean Tony wasn’t being hunted—with intent—by lizards. He hadn’t wanted to come to this stupid Island in the first place. SI funding had explicitly been removed from the crackpot idea to return dinosaurs to the food chain. He could have told everyone that this was going to happen. Instead he was climbing through a jungle with a one-armed man who refused to give his name and if they didn’t get to the raptor enclave, retrieve the anti-venom, and return in time, people Tony loved were going to die.

His guide had better live up to his scruffy wild-man appearance or Tony was going to lose everything.

@somesortofitalianroast - Nurse Bucky Barnes wasn’t sure what exactly was going on. The vigilante known as Nomad had just crashed through the (luckily) open fire escape window. While he was lucky not to have any broken bones, he was unlucky enough to have a bad concussion. A really bad one. One that meant he couldn’t fall asleep. Also unfortunately, he only had the one bed and the enormous Nomad wouldn’t fit on his couch, so they’d have to share. It was only after he helped Nomad into his bed that he noticed the blood, and, unthinking, he pulled the cowl off to check for another, serious injury. And gasped. Nomad was Steve Rogers, his best friend in school, who’d died in an IED attack in Iraq 5 years earlier.

@polizwrites Natasha Romanov and Virginia Potts are the proprietors  of  Chaykus -  a Russian tea room on the seedy side of town.  Its new mission  is to be a sanctuary for women  who have been smuggled into the country for sex trafficking purposes.  As for the men who engage in such practices? Well, they are quickly discovering that their days are numbered.

@dixiehellcat - Pepper is the manager of the heavy metal band War Machine. James Rhodes, lead guitarist and founder of the band, is looking for a new lead singer. He did not expect the woo-loving Virginia to get horoscopes cast for the applicants and decide based on that. He just wants somebody who can sing, dammit. This Stark kid is uncomfortably attractive, yeah, but he's been thrown out of two bands already. what? the shower sex? it was only that one time after a show, and they were both wasted...

@dracusfyre Tony was born without a soul mark. Bucky's was lost forever when Hydra took his arm.  Without the universe to give you a hint that this person is The One, falling in love is gambling with your heart. But soulmates don't have to be born, they can be made - and Bucky and Tony decide that the same should be true of soul marks, as well

@ceealaina Tony was like nerd prime growing up. Normally he doesn’t let it bother him too much — he’s got inventions to invent, after all. But all of a sudden he realizes that he’s almost 20, he’s got two degrees under his belt, and has no idea how to do much more than kiss. He’s not entirely sure how he manages to convince Rhodey to sleep with him to “get it out of the way,” or how he manages to convince him to keep sleeping with him to “help improve my technique,” but it’s the best sex of his life (not that he has much to compare it to) and he never wants it to end. But it’s the night when they’re watching movies, and Tony’s ends up dozing against Rhodey’s shoulder only to wake up to a feather light kiss against his forehead that he realizes he might be in trouble. 

@thudworm - King Anthony considers it part of his royal duties to protect his people by going out and taking care of any monsters harassing them. Of course, no one can know that the knight Iron Man is really the king, which leads to some fun assumptions about Iron Man’s identity.

@jacarandabanyan Tony’s mom forbid him to purposefully drive out his roommates so that he can have a room all to himself where he can tinker until morning light. She had to hear about it from friends, acquaintances, and other well-known socialites often enough when Tony went to boarding school and ran his roommates off there. Now that he’s in college, that behavior must stop. Luckily for Tony, he doesn’t even have to try to get the first two roommates at MIT to request a room switch. But then he meets his third roommate- a tall, handsome, funny man named James Rhodes. At first it was just natural joy at having a fellow competent engineer to hang out with, and perhaps the occasional dirty thought. But his crush on the man quickly grows. Before he knows it, Tony’s pining hard for his best friend. Every once in a while he thinks Rhodey might be interested too- but then he hears Rhodey lecturing a computer science senior for plying Tony with :beer: alcohol at a party because “come on, man, kid’s only 16. Have a little class and try chasing skirts a little closer to your age.” After that, he’s convinced Rhodey will only ever see him as a friend and a kid.

psychiccatpanda - Tony works hard and puts in long hours.  So what if some of his long nights turn into very early mornings at CHew 2 OH.  The only drawback is his business partner and head baker, Steve, with his disappointed looks and his continual arguing.  When Steve's friend Bucky starts hanging around the shop, though, Tony notices.  Oh lord, he notices. A month or so later, one night when he and Steve are working after hours at Steve's place to plan their seasonal menu, Steve tells him that he's noticed him checking out Bucky.  Tony hits him with a decorative pillow and things kind of get out of hand.  Surveying the damage (let's face it - Steve's coffee table was never going to be quite right again), Steve turns to him, "I was just going to suggest you get some practice kissing before asking him out."  Oh.  Oh...

@tisfan So... the problem with being a necromancer is being able to practice one's skill. The local cemeteries won't even let you look at a dead body if you're not a relative. Tony Stark, budding necromancer, forges a marriage certificate for the John Doe so that he can practice his craft. Only to find that it works perfectly. Bucky is No Longer Dead, and 100% interested in staying married...

@abrighterdarkness He didn’t mean to snoop.  He knew that wasn’t what he was being paid for here--the loud laughter of the party echoing from down the hall where he was actually supposed to be, was clear enough reminder of that fact. All Tony wanted was two short minutes to breathe without being pawed at--yes, yes, that might be his job but breathing room was much appreciated just the same--and now he was stuck in this closet sized bathroom with what sounded like a mob-hit being discuss right outside the door.  He knew he should’ve turned this job down.

magica - Howard Stark had an idea. Some people - alright, most people, stop hitting me, Maria! - would say it was a terrible idea. But it was only a little injection of stuff based on that strange glowing blue cube they'd found in the Arctic. And Tony was absolutely willing, let's get that straight, Maria! How was Howard supposed to know that it'd enable Tony to open up his own portals? And if some mystical green energy happened to swamp Tony just as he was opening a portal to Egypt? Well, that wasn't his fault. The dark-haired, well-built Priest of Anubis that Tony manages to bring back with him? That is not his fault either, damn it, Maria!

@festiveferret - Tony could say with absolute confidence - at least, if he could say anything at all in his current predicament - that this was not the way his PR rep, Pepper, would have wanted him to come out. There were, he figured, several hundred ways that the day could have gone better, but if asked to rank the top three, he'd put them thusly: 

1) That he decided to come out by having a wild, unabashed make out session with none other than Captain America, in the middle of a busy New York street.

2) That it was, in fact, the morning after their first "date" - a term he was applying loosely here - and not a tasteful reveal of a long-standing, safe, secure, adult relationship.

And 3) That at some point between the first floor lobby of his apartment building and the front door off his penthouse suite he'd suddenly, unexpectedly, and so-far permanently been turned into a ferret and no one knew.

It would also probably concern her to discover that of all these rather bewildering turns in his life, the one at the forefront of his mind was that ferrets couldn't send morning-after texts, and he didn't want Steve to think their little dalliance had been nothing more than an - albeit unfortunately public - one night stand.

Of one thing he was sure, however: Pepper was going to need a raise.

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

no one else has reblogged ask meme Mondays so I'm just going fucking apeshit with u. from the big boy: b7 for raini bc it's funny, c1 for cog bc it's inchresting, h3 for brilliance bc I know there's some gay shit going on and I want to hear more, then a17 (character proud of themselves or ur proud of ur rp as them) L5 and L6 for whomsoever u want to talk about

I won’t need a readmore for this one, I tell myself. There’s not that many questions, and they’re not proseboys. I was a fool. She’s too long to be allowed to run on people’s dashboards unrestrained 😔 Thank you! For going apeshit!!

Raini

B7. How do they respond to babies crying in public? I guarantee the image you have for how Raini would react to a crying baby is 10000% correct. She’s unhappy. Uncomfortable. Unimpressed. Can you please make that thing be quiet. Why did you have it if you can’t mange it. This is why she’s never having kids. Like she’s not gonna say anything to the parents or shoot them dirty looks, because she’s not that specific flavor of asshole, but she’s going Mind Her Business and vacate the premises if possible. People who want to take care of something should just get a cat. Goddamn. There is ONE (1) baby that may qualify for an exception, and that’s Red. This is because (and please, picture Raini, the absolute picture of ‘fed up’, squatting down to look a fussy Red in the eye while she says this) “Baby Lent. You’re better than this. I know you are, and you’re letting me down. You need to stop making that noise.” This is unrelated to the question, but please also picture a Raini who was asked (blackmailed?) into babysitting using her Mage Hand to change Red’s diaper. It has nothing to do with the question but I think it’s a Very funny mental image. Thank you.

Cog

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it? Absolutely! The way Cog approaches the world is defined by three main mantras: - Kindness is a discipline, not a character trait. - Doing the right thing isn’t always easy, but it is always worth doing. - If you are able to help someone, you have an obligation to do so. Between these three things, Cog sees the world in pretty black and white terms. There are right decisions, and wrong ones. The difference between the two is usually clear to anyone who cares to look, and so most of the evil in the world is born of selfishness. Consequently, Cog does very poorly in morally grey situations. She will commit without hesitation to any course of action that she deems “right” and “kind” no matter how drastic or dangerous it is, but she pretty much shuts down the second she’s faced with a decision that has consequences for someone regardless of what she does.  I’m sure that has not, and will not, come in her life ever at all. Ahah!  I think originally, this worldview was born of naivety. She grew up that religious kind of super sheltered where everything in the secular world was dangerous and dirty, and so when Cog began to realize that definitely wasn’t the case she made the choice to intentionally see the best in people and the world around her to fight what she was told growing up. When she started traveling with her party and actually seeing more of the world than the extremes of a) shitty cult town b) shiny clean magic school, she began to realize that the true state of the Wasteland was somewhere between what her Mama had told her and what she wanted to believe it was. But I’ve never in my life made a character who is stubborn as hell deep down, so instead of letting the world she found herself in change her Cog took a deep breath, rolled up her sleeves, and settled in to be the one changing it by loving and helping the people around her.

Brilliance

H3. Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right? I think Brilliance absolutely adores the idea of two people being made for one another. Two souls, wandering the world looking for one another? Who slot together so perfectly that when they find each other it’s clear they never could have fit anywhere else? Bruh. Yes, she knows love takes work. Sometimes you and your partner are going to disagree, and sometimes there’s going to be conflict. The world isn’t “love at first sight” then smooth sailing for the rest of your life. But you put in the work to make your lives better, together, because the universe gave you this person to care for. Maybe there are many people who you could be happy with, and those relationships aren’t anything to look down on. But when you find The One, Brilliance thinks, you know. She certainly did.

Don’t Worry About It

A17. What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves? Gonna hijack this question to talk about rp moments I’m proud of because Alex sorta kinda gave me permission to do that! Alright! For Raini, the biggest rp moment I’m proud of was her “I’m getting our memories back” speech a few sessions ago, specifically the line, “We’ve been fighting with one hand tied behind our backs for too long. If we’re going to die fighting this thing, I want to know exactly what I’m fighting for.” Morgan and I had been planning to kick off our return from July Hell Hiatus with Wish Two for a couple of days, which meant I was lucky enough to be able to spend a little while planning what to say. I feel like that line in particular embodies Raini’s unwavering confidence in her magic, her determination, and her specific brand of caring for the people around her without actually admitting that’s what she’s doing. I also really liked the way the scene of her apologizing to the party for being Bitchy post losing Magic for a minute went! Idk if anyone else remembers it, because it was pretty short in game, but! I thought it was a very good moment of Raini finding the most Roundabout way to say “thank you for looking out for me while I was defenseless”.  If I can pat myself on the back a little, my Cog monologues kick Ass. The most recent one was when she was talking to Ace about how War is Bad (radical, I know) and there was a moment where she looked at him and said, “...I’m not going to ask for your help, because I don’t know what I’ll do if I do and you say no.” Which. OOF. That was her and I realizing in real time that she and Ace were very much on different sides of this issue. When the session ended everyone said they Loved how good and hurtful that conversation was and I :’) Also, there was a really small moment when Cog was pleading for Maelo’s life (when Sunny’s dad had him locked in a cat carrier. It’s a Long story, made slightly better by the fact that Maelo was wildshaped into a cat at the time) and Cog went Straight for the dad heartstrings by sniffling and asking if, please, would Robert at least let her say goodbye to her friend before he killed him? Please? 😢  She is using her baby face for EVIL!  And oh my god how could I forget! Arcane Timeout! When the party went back to New Alexandria and was confronted by Ace for helping a prisoner escape (which, in fairness, Maelo did do) and Cog brought the encounter screeching to a halt by casting Wall of Stone to make a timeout hut with herself and Ace inside. She then sat herself down, looked Ace dead in the eye, and told him that the wall wasn’t coming down until he actually talked to her, or until he broke her concentration on the spell. She banked hard on him not being willing to hurt her, and it paid off. There were tears all around, both in and out of character. It was Wonderful. Also! I do just want recognition for the fact that I did not give into my impulses to be a little Shit as Cog last session by subtle casting Heal in Ace’s face after he Counterspelled my Healing Word. it was what I Rebekah wanted to do more than anything; unfortunately Cog is a better person than I am. There is No worse feeling than wanting so badly to do something you have no choice but to admit isn’t in character. Rip.  For whatever reason, all of my favorite Brilliance rp moments came during combat. Pressing her forehead to Sabre’s after he died in silent grief, forcefully taking a Narzugon off his Nightmare and then using Misty Step to mount it herself and take off after her friend, planting herself in the chokepoint of a hallway to stare down three minotaurs so she could keep her party safe behind her, pushing deeper into the hellwasp nest to rescue Dembe and Sabre despite knowing that doing so all but destroyed her chance of making it out alive, the list goes on. There were good out of combat moments too (despite the rest of the party’s best efforts 🙄), but I feel like for once I made a character who really shone in combat.  oh GOD I just remembered one really really good rp moment, when our rogue Zihro died when he got separated from the party during combat. We finished taking care of the main devil we were fighting, then began searching the dungeon for Zihro and the npc he was with. We, instead, found both of their corpses. Dembe looked to Brilliance, our healer, and demanded to know why she was just standing there instead of fixing their friend. We were only level three or four at the time, so Brilliance had to tell Dembe, again and again, that she couldn’t fix Zihro. It was too late, she wasn’t powerful enough yet, her goddess wouldn’t answer a prayer like that- It was a rough scene, and without question one of the best rp moments I’ve had with that group. Tae, if you’re reading this, you’re the only one with rights. Also, please unfollow this blog immediately.  Now as a quick pick-me-up after that mess, Pip’s best rp moment was when our barbarian Durokal -who couldn’t read and had a habit of running off and causing Problems- found a plaque he could tell had five words on it, and called Pip over to read it for him when Pip finished chasing him down. Pip, annoyed and out of breath and all of two feet tall, looked up at this 7 foot half-orc and told him, “It says: I’m. Gonna. Kick. Your. Ass.” Also, he regularly called very powerful figures in Barovia by sweet nicknames with “Mr.” in the front. As a sign of Respect. Because he’s the Best. sdfhsdkfj he also he couldn’t think of a fake name quick enough one time so he told an npc that is name was Dick and he was Very embarrassed about it. She: bought it!

Brilliance, Again

L5. Which OC do you think is the most decent morally or behaviorally?  AKA, which is supposed to a “good guy”? The answer is Cog, but we already went in depth on her morals this ask. She’s HAD enough screen time let’s move on. Brilliance is the only other character who, if asked, would say they saw themselves as a good guy instead of just “a person”. She strives to do right by the people around her, and to protect the light and beauty found in the world. She doesn’t have the same illusions about the world wanting to be a good place that Cog does, and she very much understands that sometimes the best thing you can do for the world is to put the things that make it dangerous six feet under. What’s interesting I think is that, despite being a paladin, she isn’t Lawful Good! She’s Neutral Good, because you know what? She wants to do the right thing, and laws aren’t always right. It’s up to you, as a person with a mind and free will and agency, to look at a situation and decide what you think is the right thing to do. And, for Brilliance, generally the right thing to do is heft her sword, raise her shield, and face trouble head on.

Raini, Once More

L6. Which OC do you think is the worst morally or behaviorally? AKA, which is supposed to be a “bad guy”? I don’t have any evil aligned characters, because I personally find things like “getting along with my party members” sexy, but the character who’s the shittiest and the worst is obviously Raini. She’s not a bad person per say, she’s just selfish and results oriented. Very much “the ends justify the means” and in a party like hers she’s aware that somebody has to be the bad guy sometimes, and she’s not afraid to make sure that’s her. She’s also very very likely to fall victim to her hubris making her feel like she definitely knows what’s best, and acting on that maybe without consulting other people (see: the whole fucking premise of the campaign). She sees a goal, she sees a way to accomplish that goal, so why shouldn’t she begin taking the necessary steps to reach it? I think the events of the game have mellowed this flaw out a little bit, but you can still see traces of it in the way she, for example, wordlessly handed Lent a bunch of diamonds before launching her consciousness into the Abeast and very nearly dying in there without consulting with the party first. It happens!  Also, behaviorally, she’s just. I mean. She’s like that. The worst. And that, I promise, will never change. 

[vjjeons]

whaddup!! i’m acacia (satan). i’m twenty years old, i use she/her pronouns and i hail from the pst timezone! i’m super excited to be in a lil ol’ group again because i haven’t been in one since like… idk?? but enough about me — let’s get to the good stuff aka my girl, veronica jeon. it gets pretty lengthy, so if you just want the overall version of it just scroll to the very end! anyways, if you like this, i’ll take it as an invitation to IM you for plots, so be careful!! ♡

jennie kim + cis female + she/her — have you met veronica jeon? they are a twenty-one year old artist/barista known as the philophobic. a pansexual scorpio, they are independent + bold, as well as stubborn + cynical. their soulmark is a crescent moon on the left ring finger, and they can feel the emotions of their soulmate.

BACKGROUND + TRIGGER WARNINGS: abuse, death, drugs

to kick things off, veronica grew up with just her mother around. her father had always been MIA. so, she doesn’t have a lot of memories involving him. therefore, her mother dated an array of men. often times neglecting her daughter, with the exception of the times she brought in successful report cards.

when she was thirteen, her mother married a man who physically abused veronica any chance he had. especially when mrs. jeon started cheating on him. so ronnie recoiled around her art for a few years.

being alone as an only child, she had to keep herself entertained. she started off by doodling with just a pencil. but, eventually expanded with acrylic paints and water colors. thus ultimately discovering her love for the arts!! 

she isn’t exactly sure how she’s going to find a successful career path through her beloved hobby. which is why she picked up her job as a barista to make some actual cash flow.

when veronica turned sixteen, she thought of tracking down her father in hopes of reuniting with him. this lead her to her grandmother’s house. who eventually had to break the news that her father had died from a drug overdose before she was born.

though, the news was shocking. it didn’t leave her feeling empty. instead, she found something better — her grandmother. she instantly connected with the woman and eventually found herself making her grandmother’s home as a sort of safe haven.

her grandma even supported her with her arts. buying her any supplies she needed and giving her suggestions on places she can find more muse. basically fulfilling the mother role veronica desperately needed.

but one day while visiting, the woman had passed in her sleep. this took a toll on ronnie considering how attached she became to her grandmother and her home. she would have to return back to her mother’s and her step-father. when she went back, the man attempted to abuse her again. however, she ratted him out. ultimately sending him to his imprisonment.

once she turned eighteen, her mother had packed up her things and left the girl behind. though, ronnie was fazed by the woman’s actions. nor did she feel any lose considering how little she cared about the other.

but good things do happen to v! one day she received a letter explaining that she inherited her grandmother’s fortune. (which she often uses to pay off her apartment bills.) along with a small journal with letters and locations to keep veronica on the right path. to stray away from the hatred and negativity and turn those emotions into something beautiful.

PERSONALITY + RELATIONSHIPS

PERSONALITY: she is charming, creative, and witty. however, she can be quite cynical, stubborn, and reserved. she has that tell it like it is personality. she just calls it likes she sees it. even if she’s not exactly right. she’s witty and intelligent. she’s very particular when it comes to most things. she wants things done correctly. so she often runs by the quote, “if you want things right you gotta do it yourself.” she doesn’t like relying on others to get things done when she knows she could do it faster and better. a little bit of a ocd queen. she’s one of those people that set their mind to something and goes through with it until the end. she has a way with words. her silky soft voice makes it easy for her to manipulate people. (unless you’re close to her, then they can see past the bullshit.) but don’t get her talking about feelings. because you’re gonna just hear crickets if you do that. she’s sort of an introvert. over the years, veronica had to work hard to become the person she is today — someone who is hopeful, who sees art and beauty everywhere, even in the ugliest parts of the world..some days, it’s a little harder, but she never gives up. she’s slowly growing out of her tough head of hair and morphing into a young woman so beautiful over the years, but also at times, terrifying?? self destructive?? even if she’ll never let anyone see her deteriorate her insides sigh. basically she’s a hot mess. but she tries her best to hide that shit. yeye sweg.

when it comes to FRIENDS veronica can always use some of ‘em. she possess the qualities of a good friend loyal, honest, trustworthy. however, she can be quite pessimistic. which might be a reason why she doesn’t have as many friends. once her mind is set to think a certain way it’s hard to persuade her to believe otherwise. she’s the type of friend to listen to your problems, but be prepared to listen to her unwanted opinions – all of them. she’s also the type to put a friend in check when they need it. she thinks of it as trying to convince them to see the bigger picture. first impressions is something she might not be very good at. while she isn’t exactly the definition of rude, she tends to not filter then things she says. overall, i would say that she might just need a handful of friends, a whole bunch of acquaintances, and her a ride or die.

please flood her with ENEMIES. i know for a fact that she has these. being so boldly opinionated and all. you know this girl has more than enough haters. sometimes she has some very evil intentions. she’s vengeful and irrational. but, don’t get me wrong. she’s not pure evil. veronica does have some good intentions, she leans more to the chaotic evil side. deep deeeeep deeeeeeeeep down the girl is trust issue central when it comes to letting people in. she can’t help it. she has abandonment issues thanks to her parents. therefore, she might come off as standoff-ish to new people. she keeps her circle tight. so maybe they think she’s cliquey? or she could have pushed people away. she’s like that one rihanna meme, them: you can’t just cut people off. ronnie: *holds a pair of scissors* she doesn’t have problem with letting people go. so maybe people think she’s a bitch because, “how could you just drop our five year long friendship like that.” and she’d just shrug. but really, she’s hurting beyond repair and will go home crying while eating a thing of ben & jerry’s chunky monkey. and there’s always that possibility where a friendship just didn’t work out. maybe they just stopped having time for each other and now it’s just mad awk. whatever it is, an enemy would b beaut.

as for LOVERS. veronica is a fucking cynic. love ain’t real and life is cold. she’d rather just be alone and happy than in a relationship and suffering. she sees so many people around her settle for less. (her mother being a prime example of that.) especially when she’s giving advice for friends. she doesn’t think people should be so easily manipulated by the concept of love. she knows there’s a difference between wanting someone and wanting to be with someone. and in her eyes, most people only settle for the sake of companionship. it’d be a hard mission to win this girl over. but not impossible. she’s definitely been on a few dates and had a couple of relationships. though most ended quickly due to the realization she only fell for their smooth talking and nothing more. 100% dabbles in the quick hook ups for the sake of fulfilling those needs. though, if the right person were to come along… she’d be loyal to them, completely devoted to just them.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

sooooo, my lazy ass actually found the power to make a RELATIONSHIPS PAGE. peep it, tell me what you think. if you can’t find something your muse fits, throw whatever ideas you have right at me! i’m so down for whatever.

MISCELLANEOUS

in a nutshell, she’s an angel with a halo unbalanced with horns, not a devil but not a saint either?? kind yet has a backbone. softer than what she seems like. humorous and witty though understanding. mistrusting but willing to let loyalty speak. veronica is a hot mess dealing with personal issues by lashing out on those around her. she’s loyal, but manipulative. opinionated, but easily offended. intelligent, but sometimes argumentative. she’s a bit of a feminist. trusts no bitch. but if you’re her friend, she’s chill as fuck. though, she’s a bit hesitant when it comes to making new friends. since she’s likes being a lame outcast. but really — she just doesn’t know how to process her good thoughts into words. she’s a barista and a tortured artist. she’s independent, hardworking, and determined. muse inspo for her: kat stratford (10 things i hate about you), samantha borgens (stuck in love), michelle (spider-man homecoming), and a hint of blair waldorf (gossip girl). anyways, give her girl scout cookies and she’ll love you til the end of time.

congratulations ! you made it to end ! if you read all of this… i love you. i only ever write so much bc… it gets me in character lmao. also, i wrote all of this the second i woke up. so don’t mind the grammar mistakes and what not. HENNYWAYS… i would really love to plot with everyone. so just slide into my DMs and we can get things started!! luv u *blows a kiss*

[maximuswolf]

what exactly DO i have to ''THanK GoD'' for? via /r/atheism

what exactly DO i have to ''THanK GoD'' for?

when i was born, my parents had been trying for years. finally they have me, and oh boy am i a treat. i came out early, and almost suffocated whilst being born. ''ThAnK GoD'' they say, as if the doctors had not just spent multiple fucking hours working non stop to assure my mother could safely birth me. skip forward a few years, and i start acting up. more than most kids do. surprise, surprise! I have ADD and Severe anger issues, (mixed with a hearty serving of depression) but guess what? that's ok! because ''God mAdE Me spEcIAl!11'' so after a few years of my innocence still being intact, my parents send me off to school. a christian school. and oh boy was that fun. nothing like indoctrinating children before they can make conscious decisions! and you know what the worst part was? that i believed it. because that false belief would be one of the pillars of my life that would cause me to crumble. my parents thought they were doing the right thing, but in a way, that decision, the one i couldn't make would be the decision that led to my mental collapse. i was taught about how people of the same gender loving each other is a BIG no-no (spoiler alert: this will come in to play later on) and how if you don't believe in god, you go to burn in hell for eternity! because nothing says comforting children like telling them that if they are different that they will die horribly! but we were safe because, ''GoD madE Us In hIs iMaGe!1!'' skip forward another few years, and I'm into elementary school, public school. but the thing is, it turns out sculpting your impressionable child can lead to your child being a dick. because since i was taught to ''SpReAD GoDs WorD!'' i did. i told asked a friend whose mother had died if she believed in jesus. she did not. so naturally, i tell her that her sweet, precious mom is burning in hell in horrible agony, and that it's her fault she is there. i never told my parents that one, because it ate away at me for so long I tried to forget. than, around 3rd grade, i developed the thing that usually ruins everyone's life. a conscious and awareness. now, one of the things that came with my ADD is tics. so i would make sudden noises, and, naturally, since America knows jackshit about mental health, i was yelled at and called a freak. ''why would god make me this way?'' i would think. ''i thought i was perfect?'' haha NOPE. soon, school became hell. everyday i would come into class, get bullied, but push it down because i know at least GOD loves me, right? soon, it was too much for me. and i fought back. and you know what? im the one who got punished. and do you know what i was told when i got home from school that day? that god didn't make like this. BAM. shot to the heart. everything i thought was true, all of the relief that god loved me, and so I must be ok, were shattered. if god didn't make this way then why cant i control it? i began to lash out more. and my brain began to be affected even worse, my anxiety so bad i would hide in a corner crying all day. only to go to church the next sunday and be told how great god is, how he designs everyone in his image. which made me realize something. he made me like this. but if he made me like this, why is that bad? why does everyone hate me? why do i hate me? and i guess that was the point i was done. i had had enough. i became more reclusive, so angry that i was sent to a new school. a school for children with mental issues. or, as the church called it ''UnIquE GiFtS!!!1!'' everyday i thought about how i was like this, and that i was wrong. it wasn't my fault, but i was. and one day, i got so angry, so tired of the same thing, that i beat up my bus driver. and that was when i was sent to children's hospital. seeing my parents at the door, so disappointed in me, even though i wished desperately to know what i did wrong, what I did to make god punish me like this. and at night i would cry. i would lay in bed, looking out the window and that night, that night i had had enough. i cursed god out, i held him responsible for every terrible thing ive been through, i begged to know why he made me like this, if i was a mistake? will this be my entire future? living in pain, and betrayal? after children's i refused to go to church. and so i also refused to go to school, losing myself in creative outlets like minecraft and drawing, making a world where i wasn't hated. where I didn't hate myself. but you see, this was the mid 2010's, and kindle fire dont have a whole lot of storage space, so when my kindle inevitably crashed, i was destroyed. the world i had built for myself, the place i could be me was gone. it was like god had taken my life a second time. but hey! dont be sad! it's ''AlL In GoDs PlAn'' thats the problem. i dont want it to be part of god's plan, i want it to be part of MY plan. fast forward a year later, and im in middle school. and that's when i met billy. billy was a jock, a real ladies man, very athletic, toned, and well built, and when i was around him, i felt something. something i had never felt with a girl before. and so one week later, i went to church, and at church i asked my pastor about those feelings. he told me i was sick. that i what i was feeling was not of ''GoDs dESiGn'' and that i needed to try to change. so, i befreinded a girl, cera. cera also had a rough past, arguably worse than mine. her father was abusive, and her mother could do nothing to stop him. and one day, cera's mom, the only light she had left, died in front of her. had an aneurism, and fell to the ground dead. and guess what? she was put into the care of her father. i have never seen a person so angry, so completley shattered. she tried to jump into traffic. she ran and i begged her not to hurt herself. and than i watched a Mercedes Benz drive on the street across us. and i noticed a confederate flag on the bumper. how come someone so awful and immoral gets to have money? whilst cera, an innocent child who had her life robbed of her, got nothing? why would a ''gracious'' god do that? he wouldn't. because there is no god. and later that week, as i was sitting in my bathtub, a thought came to mind. trickling down my spine as i looked at the pair of scissors on the counter. it would be easy, just slide the blade across my wrists and with my artery cut, i would be free in moments. i would never have to feel this again. but my family loved me. and i loved them, because they really did. they only wanted what's best for me, so i didnt. i got out, and cried in my bed for hours. that brings us to the next week, im watching HGTV with my sister and mom in the family room, and i made a mistake. one of the people on tv was very attractive. so i said, without thinking, ''damn he's sexy'' cue my sister turning her head like that old meme of the groundhog, and immediately blurting out to my mom what i said. i was expecting hell, but she embraced me. finally, something was right. but god still said it was wrong, and my whole family is Christian. I'm 17 now, ive come out to most of my family. and i know they still love me. but deep down, i know that they think of me as unnatural according to their beliefs. and i have to live with that. and i also have to live not knowing what terrible chapter of my life will come next. so yeah, here i am, in online school, doing 1000x better than i ever have! my life is neutral right now. and I'm content. but one thing is for sure, if god IS real. he is NOT a good god. anyways, thanks for listening to my rant, and i hope your journey continues well!

Submitted February 01, 2021 at 01:51AM by leakytoquito via reddit https://ift.tt/3ovrT2g

[vronicaz]

hel llooo babes, i’m satan acacia (◠‿◠✿) nineteen, she/her. lol sooo sorry you guys are all trapped in this rp w/ me. but wtver~ you guys will learn to adore my 3am messages comin’ up with plot that’ll hurt us and what not. also meet veronica jeon, the queen of trash, and she’ll own up to that. anyways, i’ll try to keep this as short as possible. since i always get wayyyy too invested into writin’ my intros. :~)) )) ) &&. *so like... this got really long, just scroll to the point with the star for the overall summary. // aim: alohacacia && skype: alohacacia

****psa you clicked on this so you’re obligated to plot with me srry but i don’t make the rules.

— ( jennie kim. cisfemale. she/her. ) have you met ( veronica jeon ) yet? the ( twenty-one ) year old ( artist / beauty vlogger )? yeah, we shared a cab and now i’m late but can you blame me? ( she ) is so ( talented ), but now i see what they mean about ( her ) being a bit too ( presumptuous ).

BACKGROUND + TRIGGER WARNINGS: daddy/mommy issues

okkkk, this is veronica. also known as ronnie (but she doesn’t care what you call her whoop diddy doo.) she was born and raised in south korea. but, she has stereotypical strict korean parents. and they moved her out to america in hopes that she’d become more successful than them. her father and mother are owners of a cafe/bakery. they live a normal upper-middle class lifestyle. but they’ve always wanted more... therefore, they pushed a lot of their hopes and dreams onto veronica since she’s their only child. their dream was for her to become a surgeon.

so, they sent her off to school (which lands her in williamsburg) once she turned to eighteen and paid for everything. her apartment, her school, etc. they even sent her money so she could focus on her studies instead of working. so, yes, she’s spoiled in that sense. (but it gets dark just wait) at first, she just went with the flow of being forced into becoming a surgeon. however, while spending more time in williamsburg she realized she wanted to do something else. something that actually made her happy.

ronnie always had an artistic eye. drawing was something that always set her heart on fire. but her parents never approved of this because.... an art major?? god forbid!! but, thanks to the influence of a close friend (probably ronnie’s first friend in williamsburg) they convinced her to do what makes her happy. because what’s the point of hating your job for the rest of your life?

eventually, she switched her major and she was super nervous. why? ‘cause she was actually turning her hobby into her potential career. but a week passed, then the month, and she was completely in love with what she was doing. she was even able to sell some of her art! she started expanding her knowledge on how to go about making a legitimate career by drawing. and while this was all overwhelming, it was also way more exciting.

now, she was making her own money. plus some from her parents. but of course, art wasn’t the only thing she liked. she began to develop a love for makeup as well. she always had a steady hand, which made learning makeup pretty easy. so, she found two things she loves. art and makeup! she even decided to create a youtube channel for her makeup. (and also to promote her art shows of course.) so three sources of income!

but guess what ---- her parents found out. and they were not happy. they felt betrayed and disappointed. because how could their pride and joy chose happiness over stability?? this ultimately lead them to cutting her off completely. stopped paying for her rent, school, and just stopped talking to her all together. so, she was left completely alone to fend for himself. luckily, she didn’t struggle too much. she was making good money through her youtube channel and her art.

but wait, it’s not that simple. (it never really is) since, ronnie isn’t a u.s. citizen she eventually had to go back to korea. but she didn’t want to face her parents. not after all the drama. but she also knew applying for citizenship would take awhile. she was running out of time. sooo, she did the only thing she could do and married her longterm american boyfriend for a visa!! (i’ll probably make a wanted connection for him) yeah, she’s a married woman. technically. but not a lot of people know that. she just calls him her boyfriend!!

PERSONALITY + RELATIONSHIPS

PERSONALITY wise, she is charismatic, creative, and intelligent. she’s one of those people that set their mind to something and goes through with it until the end. however, stubborn, sarcastic, and big headed. because anyone who tells her she can’t do it, she’ll prove wrong no matter what. no. matter. what. but she’s slowly growing out of her tough head of hair and morphing into a young woman so beautiful over the years, but also at times, terrifying?? self destructive?? even if she’ll never let anyone see her deteriorate her insides sigh. basically she’s a hot mess. but she tries her best to hide that shit. yeye sweg.

when it comes to FRIENDS ronnie can always use loads of friends! she possess the qualities of a good friend loyal, honest, trustworthy. however, she is stubborn and egocentric so people might not want to be around her? she still wants a shit ton of friend. she kinda has that mom friend vibe. she plans out their day, makes sure they stay on task, looks both ways before crossing the street, etc etc. but… she’s most likely the youngest of the group. considering the fact she just turned twenty-one. so, mostly everyone has the need to protect her at all costs. but she ends up being the protector instead. she loves deeply and cares deeply. she would literally give up the world for the people she cares about the most. she likes to keep to herself most of the time, because she knows it keeps her out of drama. but she can still kick it with people who get themselves into drama (does that make sense??) you can say, she tends to hangout with the wrong people sometimes. rip. maybe because she wants to believe people r good (even though she knows they aren’t lol.) overall, i would say she needs a lot of friends. LOVE THIS LIL SMOL BEAN.

ENEMIES... i don’t really think she has any, but she might. deep deeeeep deeeeeeeeep down the girl is trust issue central when it comes to letting people in. she can’t help it. she has abandonment issues thanks to her parents. therefore, she might come off as standoff-ish to new people. she keeps her circle tight. so maybe they think she’s cliquey? or she could have pushed people away. she’s like that one rihanna meme, them: you can’t just cut people off. ronnie: *holds a pair of scissors* she doesn’t have problem with letting people go. so maybe people think she’s a bitch because, “how could you just drop our five year long friendship like that.” and she’d just shrug. but really, she’s hurting beyond repair and will go home crying while eating a thing of ben & jerry’s chunky monkey. and there’s always that possibility where a friendship just didn’t work out. maybe they just stopped having time for each other and now it’s just mad awk. whatever it is, an enemy would b beaut.

as for LOVERS. veronica has most definitely dated a lot. she’s had a handful of serious relationships as well. and she most definitely does believe in love. thus making this girl is a hopeless romantic. (she’s a soft bitch on the down low) she just needs lots of love in her life. and her husband would totally tear down her big headed/tough bitch exterior and show how soft ronnie can really be. how is ronnie in relationships you may ask? she’d be very loyal to anyone she’s dating. she’d spoil them with gifts, surprise visits, and honestly just give them the whole world. they’d be the only person who’d be able to tell this bitch to stop acting so unreasonable. and *gasp* she’d actually listen. i feel like she’s the type to do whatever she needs to do to please her significant other. sad, but it’s true. she’s not as independent as she makes herself out to be. but everybody needs somebody. am i right?

WANTED CONNECTIONS

FRIENDS

best friend — her closest confidant. she’d never let go of this person. they’re her ride or die // TAKEN BY SADIE MEYERS

her first friend — the first person ronnie met in williamsburg. one of her best friends. someone she really trusts since they convinced her to switch her major. // TAKEN BY NATALIA STEPHENS

childhood friend — someone who has always been around. practically family at this point. // m, f, or nb

roommate — self explanatory. obviously a close friend because she wouldn’t just live with a stranger. they probably gossip a lil now and then. // TAKEN BY LYLA JACKSON

winghoe — another close friend of her’s probably the person who got her and her boyfriend together. // m, f, or nb

exes — she’d be the type to still be friends with her ex. yes, they’ve loved each other. but they’ve come to terms they’re much better off platonic. // m or nb

brotherly figure— completely platonic relationship. just someone who can protect this small bean at all costs. // m or nb

sisterly/motherly figure — someone who she looks up to. someone who she sees a role model. // f or nb

ENEMIES

mistaken — someone who thinks she’s just a rude, standoff-ish, biatch. veronica has probably tried to explain to them that she doesn’t mean to come off like that. but this person just ain’t having it. // m, f, or nb

pushed away — they used to be friends but once shit got real, ronnie dropped them real fast. she just cut them off and it kind of resulted into this fucked up unnecessary tension. // m, f, or nb

rivals — someone who hates her and some she hates too. maybe she they’re always just trying to one up each other for some reason? maybe they throw some mad shade at her all the time? just a lot of fighting. // m, f, or nb

fake friend(s) — she found out they were only using her for publicity. through her rapidly growing youtube channel. ooOOoOoOoo drama. imagine the subtweeting. wow. // m, f, or nb

LOVERS

husband / “ boyfriend ” — married them to get her visa. but, this would be the love of her life. even if they bicker and argue. she’d be 100% dedicated to them. // m or nb ( WANTED AD CAN BE FOUND HERE. )

first love — once ronnie is dedicated to someone it’s a little hard for her to let them go. especially if it was her first love. this could be drama central between her, her husband, and them. // m or nb

on and off ex — just the person she always runs back to. she’d probably even try contacting them if she ever got into a fight with her husband. // m or nb

*** to be honest, throw whatever ideas you have right at me! i’m so down for whatever

MISCELLANEOUS

☆ veronica is: overall ronnie is a big ol’ fluff ball. the world sees her as a princess dressed in black and pink. an absolute doll. charming, cute, and talented. she seems like the full package. an absolute angel to her small group of fans, acquaintances, and etc…. but anyone who really knows her, knows the girl has some bad abandonment issues thanks to her parents. my muse inspo is a mix of harley quinn, blair waldorf, and rick sanchez. YIKES. cause this makes her hella chaotic. anyways, give her girl scout cookies and she’ll love you til the end of time. she’s not as lame as she portrays herself to be and is actually a pretty rad chick. veronica jeon is overall a beautiful, driven, stubborn, egocentric, opinionated, artistic, and truly a mess for someone who seems to have it all figured out.

wEW this got waaaaaay longer than i expected it to be. anywho, if you actually read all this i love you and i cherish you hella. if you just skimmed, i would too. i would really love to plot with everyone. so just slide into my dms and we can get things started!! luv u *blows a kiss*

[amagizoologistscase]

Mun interview

REPOST, DON’T REBLOG

This is really long so I will put it all under a cut!

1) Are you really ready for 111 questions?

I’m here aren’t I?

2) Where are you taking this test at?

At home

3) Was your last real relationship a mistake?

Sure

4) Who did you last say “I love you” to?

Does my dog count? If not probably my mum or dad.

5) Do you regret it?

Of course not

6) Have you ever been depressed?

Yes

7) Are you a boy or girl?

Woman

8) Do you have a job?

Yes, two

9) What is your relationship status?

Single as fuck

10) How do you want to die?

Well that’s glum. Old and ready to go.

11) What did you last eat?

Eggs

12) Played any sports?

That wasn’t forced (school) no? I went horse riding for years and sometimes competed show jumping and dressage (once).

13) Do you bite your nails?

Yes

14) When was your last physical fight?

Lmao. I don’t know, probably a bitch fight with my brother as a kid.

15) Do you have an attitude?

Is shy an attitude? XD Well I can be very sarcastic.

16) Do you like someone?

Yes

17) What is your real name?

Cathrine

18) What is the background of you computer screen?

My dog as a puppy

19) Are you gonna get high later?

Eh, no? Not my thing.

20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?

My boss. Like, I don’t think I have hated another person this much in my entire life. That man is a terribly manipulative awful man. Luckily he’s out next friday and hopefully I’ll never see him again.

21) Do you miss someone?

Hmmm

22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?

I cut my spaghetti a little then twirl.

23) Do you tan a lot?

Lmao never. 

24) Have any pets?

A one year old dog named Lumos <3

25) How exactly are you feeling?!

I’m feeling quite good now whenever I don’t think about my job.

26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?

Yes. Ever been on a road trip? A girl’s gotta eat.

27) Ever made out in the bathroom?

No

28) Would you take any of your exes back?

No

29) Are you afraid of spiders?

Oh man I hate them!!

30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

I think so

31) Do you regret anything from your past?

I do

32) What are your plans for this weekend?

I work basically every weekend because of my two jobs so - work? I did get friday off though so tomorrow I just wanna watch movies and drink alcohol lol

33) Do you want to have kids?

No

34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M?

No

35) Do you type fast?

If I know what to write

36) Do you have piercings?

Only ears

37) Want any more?

No. I barely even wear my earrings

38) Can you spell well?

Well, better in norwegian than english since it’s my first language. English is naturally harder, but I’d like to think I do alright?

39) Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yes, my old dog that passed away in 2012. He was there through my teens and for almost fifteen years. Loosing him really left a mark (literally, got a big tattoo of him). So while it doesn’t hurt like it did when I first lost him I do think of him a lot since I see a lot of him in Lumos (my current dog).

40) What are you craving right now?

Alcohol would be nice. 

41) Ever been to a bonfire party?

Uhm. Well, I’ve been to occasions with bonfires, but wouldn’t have called it a party.

42) Have you ever been to jail?

Nope

43) Have you ever been on a horse?

Oh plenty of times. I love it.

44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck?

That’s oddly specific, but no.

45) Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Don’t think so? Doubt I ever have any effect on any people.

46) Have you ever been cheated on?

No

47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

No

48) What time is it currently?

As of typing this, 23.20

49) Would you live with someone without marrying them?

Sure, but I’m bit of a loner.

50) What should you be doing?

Right now? Nothing particularly.

51) What’s irritating you right now?

That I’m kinda bored, but kinda not, but don’t know what to do about it XD Also my boss.

52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?

Uhm... It hurts liking someone and know I’ll never be anyones type sure.

53) Does somebody love you?

I sure as fuck hope so. But yes. My parents love me. My dog loves me.

54) What is your favorite color?

Red and emerald green

55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?

Yes

57) Do you have trust issues?

Nah not really before I am given reason to.

58) You are over half way done with this. Are you sure you want to continue?

This is getting pretty boring too, but I don’t have other plans so... sure.

59) Do you have any siblings?

I do have an older brother 

60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Yes

61) Do you live with anyone?

My dog, if he counts. He counts, shut up.

62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?

No

63) Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Oh probably my mum. At least over phone.

64) Do you give out second chances too easily?

Considering how anti-social I am I rarely get in situations where this is needed. Maybe a little so when I was younger.

65) Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgive. Math questions I can never remember, but everything painful I never forget. Brain, you realize remembering math and shit like that would be more useful yes?

66) Is this year the best year of your life?

No. Though it’s not the worst and I’m doing some importan life changes health wise. But my work life is bringing me down a lot.

67) What was your childhood nickname?

Cathy basically, but it doesn’t sound very well in Norwegian so strangely enough I have never minded that people go by my full name.

68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Holy hell no

69) What is your motto in life?

I don’t have a motto

70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Neh. Maybe. I don’t know.

71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Brush my teeth and go to bed, cuddle my dog while telling him that it really isn’t time to play games now.

72) Do you have a best friend?

Yes

73) What is bothering you?

I feel like this question is very similar to what irritates me. My job bothers me. My boss bothers me. Boredom bothers me. This meme is starting to bother me. The fact that I called this interview meme bothers me. 

74) Have you ever been out of your country?

Of course. Sweden, Denmark, France, England, Ireland, Scotland, Canada, Spain, Germany, Poland, Crete... Might have forgotten some. I want to see a lot more of the world.

75) Do you play the Wii?

If I play I play x-box 360. Not much of a gamer, but I do have a few games I love.

76) Are you listening to music right now?

No

77) Do you like Chinese food?

Not particularly

78) Do you know your fathers b- day?

More or less. I am terrible at birthdays.

79) Are you afraid of the dark?

Not as much as when I was a kid, but I do always have one light on in my apartment so when I wake up I can see a little. So in that sense I’m not afraid, but uncomfortable. If you want to have me walk in the forest at night however I can tell you right now there is no fucking way I will do that.

80) Is cheating ever okay?

Hurting people is never okay.

81) Are you mean?

I could be meaner. I should be meaner. Without being truly mean of course, but being too good never gets you anywhere in this world it seems.

82) Can you keep white shoes clean?

I can’t keep black shoes clean XD

83) What was the last song you listened to?

According to my mobile playlist Ellie Goulding’s Love Me Like You Do

84) Do you believe in true love?

Not before I see it :/

85) What are you currently wearing?

A sundress

86) What do you wear to bed?

A long PJ top or shirtless.

87) What is the weather like right now?

We have had both sun and dark clouds today, but no rain. 

88) Do you like the outside?

I do

89) Are you currently bored?

By now I am very bored yes.

90) Do you wanna get married?

Probably yes

91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

In Norwegian it just sounds odd to me. In English maybe.

92) Are you hungry?

No

93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight?

No

94) What makes you happy?

A lot of things makes me happy. My dog, my family, traveling, a good movie, good music, fun stuff, animals, good results of hard work, my boss getting the boot...

95) Would you change your name?

Nah. I have added my mother’s maiden name into a middle name, but otherwise no. I might not have the most exciting name, but I’ve had it since I was born so why change it.

96) Ever been to Alaska?

Sadly no.

98) Do you watch the news?

Occasionally. I am more likely to read the news. 

99) What’ s your zodiac sign?

Libra

100) Do you like Subway?

Not particularly. Quite indifferent about it really.

101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

Yes

102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

No idea

103) Do you talk like your friends?

Do I talk like my friends? What does that even mean? Accent? Language? 

104) What do you plan to do with the rest of your day?

Considering there’s midnight in a few minutes I’d say finishing this thing is one plan XD

105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?

Oh yes

106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

I have friends, but not that many friends and not men sadly.

107) who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

Dad

108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?

I wouldn’t like it.

109) Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

A co-worker

110) Favorite lyrics right now?

Sleeping At Last - Saturn (This song is just so beautiful. I love it so much. Too much.)

You taught me the courage of stars before you left How light carries on endlessly, even after death With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite How rare and beautiful it is to even exist

I couldn't help but ask you to say it all again I tried to write it down but I could never find a pen I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes

I couldn't help but ask you to say it all again I tried to write it down but I could never find a pen I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes

With shortness of breath, I'll explain the infinite How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

111) Tag 10 people

@teapotauror, @perdiditpuerorumposts, @tolcveistodestrcy... I... no. Not ten people. I’ve spent too much time on this already christ...

[intermission-trash]

Illuminator: Origins, Part 1

Happy Self-Insert January!!

Okay, so. It started out as a pretty normal day. Maybe even good. At least, as good as any day involving high school can be, amirite? 

Ha.

But anyway. I had woken up early, put on an outfit that, while not exactly nice, was at least not the same sweatpants and hoodie I’d worn for the rest of the week. And if it wasn’t the greatest outfit in the world, it had my leather jacket. My leather jacket can literally take a no-spoon stained-sweatpants day and turn it into a ‘fuck the world but in a cool way’ grunge day. Plus it makes me look like three times gayer. 

So I zoned my way through most of school, had a passable time at Fuckboy Central , a.k.a. animation class, and as a bonus, my mom even picked me up from school so I didn’t have to slog home through knee-high snow in tights and a short skirt. 

Of course, before we went home, we stopped at the Arc first.

The Arc is this big old thrift store run by a local charity. It’s got tons of stuff that I could just spend hours looking at, rooting through old bins, touching old clothes and just generally having a good, stimmy time. One time this lady even brought her little Pomeranian into the store. I got to pet him.

On this particular day, there was no dog, the dress aisle was taken up by this judgy older woman who watched me rummaging through the dresses like I was going to shove one under my shirt and take off, and there were no cute teacups. I mean, there usually aren’t, but I’m still hoping that one day I’ll find the cutest little teacup and saucer with the curliest handle and the most floral pattern that I can get and feel like a princess drinking from.

I did find something princessy, but it wasn’t a teacup.

It was a pencil.

A really cute pencil.

You know, I’m not actually sure if I’d have done anything differently if I’d known. I mean, I might have chickened out and not even bought it, but then again I might also have done it anyway. I mean, a little forewarning might have been nice, I guess. Like ‘hey, just a heads-up, using this pencil for any creative pursuits will change your life forever! Make sure you grab some snacks and a change of clothes just in case!’ type of deal.

But anyway.

It was in a big bowl of other (mostly broken) writing utensils that was labeled ‘50c’. As luck would have it, I had two quarters in my jacket pocket. 

I went up, bought it at the register and spent the rest of the time poking around the toy section. 

See, turns out it still had lead in it, and I was super excited to draw with it. My aunt gave me a similar pencil once, except it was pink and had a heart dangling off instead of a little rainbow droplet or whatever the charm is supposed to be. And for something that was designed for aesthetics rather than sturdiness, it sketched really well. Maybe it was because the lead size was literally the smallest they made commercially, or something. But I must’ve  lost it, ‘cause I definitely don’t have it now.

Anyway, this pencil was almost identical in model to the one from my aunt, plus it was adorable, and using adorable things for everyday tasks make them, like, 70% more fun. This is true science facts.

So younger me sat down on her messy bed, excited to start drawing with this cute pencil, having no idea what lay in store for her as soon as she touched the lead to the paper.

There I am, see? Look how adorable and naive I was, all sittin’ criss-cross applesauce with ill-proportioned arms. 

Wow, I’m waxing pretty nostalgic about this, seeing as how it was only, like, a week ago.

But anyway. I opened my sketchbook to a blank page, put the tip of the pencil down-

And that’s when it happened. 

My sketchbook blasted a goddamn ray of light right in my face, like it was an outdated meme. Then it jumped out of my hands, still firing it’s lazars, and what felt like a sudden hurricane started tearing up my room.

It was almost exactly like that time I paid two dollars to stand in a tornado simulator booth at a science museum, except my room was the booth. And safety was obviously not the first priority of the manufacturers. 

My stuff went flying everywhere- my books, my plants, my stuffed animals, you name it, it was definitely in the air. I got hit in the face by my own dirty laundry. In hindsight, I honestly don’t know why I didn’t just nope the fuck outta Dodge. But then again, when you get randomly dropped in the middle of a movie scene, see how cool you act when faced by a charging dragon or the edge of a waterfall or something.

And then, of course, my own sketchbook sucked me in.

I mean, as soon as I mentioned the sketchbook you all probably expected that. The ‘getting sucked in by a book’ trope is super cliche, right? Well, you know, when you’re there in the moment, just trying to doodle a few dynamic poses as a destresser from the purgatory we all call the public education system, the next thing on your to-do list is ‘go get a nice cup of tea’, NOT ‘get vored by my own damn sketchbook’. I mean, to me it did NOT seem like a portal to a magical world of wonder- it seemed like my sketchbook had turned on me and was now attempting to consume me to get revenge on... like... using it as a sketchbook or something. 

I wasn’t actually thinking that coherently at the moment, but I drew a helpful diagram to show you what my general thought process was.

I remember, like, a confusing swirl of colors, kind of like the boat scene in ‘Willy Wonka’, and then I was falling from the sky.

Yep.

I didn’t actually register what had happened for a second. My glasses slid off my face and just, like, spiraled away into the sky, like they were fulfilling their helicopter dreams. 

Then, of course, I started screaming.

It wasn’t even, like cool screaming. This was full-on ‘holy shit I’m about to die’ no-room-for-rational-thought-over-the-pure-primal-panic, tears and snot and spit everywhere you don’t even realize you were doing it at first screaming. I think the only other time I might have ever screamed like that was when I was being born.

Eventually my lips were definitely bleeding and my throat felt like a knife, but I just couldn’t stop. I could barely even hear myself screaming over the wind rushing by me.

It actually took me a couple of seconds to realize that I had stopped falling. I stopped screaming and squinted around. Someone had somehow caught me in their arms without the impact breaking my or their bones, but we also didn’t seem to be on the ground, either. They were holding me like I was a very large, leggy baby. They said something, but my head was pounding and I couldn’t make it out.

My glasses fell into my lap like ‘oh hey man, the helicopter thing didn’t work out, can I still crash on your face?’ 

The next thing I did after being rescued from being a lesbian pancake on the pavement was throw up on my savior and immediately pass out.

     *************************************************************************************

When I woke up, I was lying on a park bench with my head on something soft and furry. I didn’t open my eyes right away- first I had to check if I was, indeed, still alive. I was, but I kind of felt like it would have been better if I wasn’t. My lips hurt, my throat now felt like sandpaper, which I guess was an improvement from a knife, and my body ached.

The next thing I noticed were the voices whispering around me. They seemed to belong to several kids and at least two adults, both masculine-sounding. 

“But where do you think she came from?” one of the voices, feminine-sounding, said in a stage whisper.

“I don’t know!” the first adult voice said in an accent, sounding bewildered. “She just fell-” here he imitated a whooshing sound- “right past my airship. It was really lucky I got to her in time with the glider...”

“I hope she’s gonna be okay,” the child’s voice said worriedly. “She’s so pretty!”

The other adult voice snorted. “Pretty? She just looks like a mess to me.”

“HEY!” the child’s voice insisted. “That’s not nice, Robbie! She just fell from the sky!”

Another child snorted with laughter. “Ha! Yeah, I’ve seen you look worse after just falling from a tree.”

“It- it was a very TALL tree!” the second adult protested. “And I didn’t say I didn’t like her. Anyone who pukes on Sportaflop is okay in my book.”

Someone approached. “Do you think she’s dead?” another child asked, in a rather nasally voice. 

“She’s not dead,” another child said exasperatedly. “She’s breathing, see?”

“Yeah, but she could be brain-dead,” the nasally child objected. “Like a vegetable.”

“Huh?” the second adult voice asked suspiciously. “Vegetables? Where?”

“No, not that kind of vegetable, Robbie,” the nasally voice scolded. “I mean like... in a coma.” They paused. “If she is, can I have her glasses?”

“She’s not in a coma, either,” the other child said. I could hear some electronic beeping. “All vital signs and brain activity are normal. I think maybe she just passed out from the stress and the g-forces or something.”

A rather sticky finger poked my cheek. “Hello?” another child said right in my ear. “Hey, can you hear me, pretty sleeping lady, huh?”

I waved the finger away and sat up, grimacing. “Okay, okay, I’m up,” I said hurriedly. I felt like the next course of action would be to get one of them to kiss me to see if I was under a spell. 

I opened my eyes cautiously and immediately regretted that decision. The sunlight streamed right into my face, and I hissed between my teeth, holding a hand up to shade my eyes.

“Hey!” the child who said I wasn’t dead said excitedly. “Look, she’s awake!”

“We can see that,” the second adult voice said haughtily, but was drowned out by a chorus of excited exclamations from the other children. They all swarmed me at once, tugging on my clothes and yelling. 

“Hey lady, where’d you come from?”

“Why’d you fall from the sky, huh? Huh? Are you a superhero like Sportacus?”

“Can I have your glasses?”

“Are you an alien?”

“No, she’s not an ALIEN! She’s obviously from the FUTURE!”

“Hey, whoa, whoa,” I said hurriedly, putting my hands up. “Get off, get off-- it’s too early for this, okay?”

“But it’s two in the afternoon,” one of the kids pointed out. 

“She means she just woke up,” another one said. 

I went to push up my glasses, but ended up tapping the bridge of my nose sadly. “Aw, crap,” I groaned. “Hey, has anyone seen a pair of--”

“Are these your glasses?” the first child’s voice asked. A pink, indistinct shape offered something to me, and I took them. Sure enough, they were my glasses.

Pushing them onto my face, I shook my head and looked up. “Thanks,” I said. “Uh, where am--”

I stopped mid-sentence. There was really no point asking where I was. 

Unfortunately, I knew exactly where I was. Which was the problem. Because by all discernible laws of nature, I shouldn’t have been where I was.

The people in front of me, all laid out like a goddamn Renaissance painting, looked at me. 

“Hey, what’s the matter?” the girl who had given me my glasses asked. “Are you okay?”

I looked at them for a second. They were all familiar to me- from the kids to the two men, one very shirtless and clutching a trash bag, making awkward eye contact in the back.

YEET happy self-insert January

forgive the lowering in quality of my artwork as it keeps going, I was up til past 2 last night working on this and other things.

Stay tuned for next time, when I continue having panic attacks and cry a lot! Or don’t, if you don’t want to. I don’t know.

Bye.

[spaceisfuckingawesome-blog]

Colonizing Mars Should Pump You the Fuck Up

Establishing mankind on Mars will mean we are one step closer to living in a Star-Wars-like world.

We’ve all heard the master plan: SpaceX wants to colonize Mars for the betterment of humanity. Pretty fucking cool, but why does it seem like society cares more about memes or The Bachelor or The Bachelor memes? I mean this is some real life Star Wars shit for fuck's sake! Why aren’t we freaking out!? I’ll tell you why every article explaining the process of sending people to Mars sounds like a dude in Utah wearing socks with sandals wrote it. Well, I promise to explain this whole situation without the boringness while also promising to never wear socks with sandals, or live in Utah.

First, we need to build rockets that can we can reuse. Why you ask? This saves money that’s why. Just think about it. We have literally just been throwing away rocket ships after using them the past 50 years, can you really think of anything dumber to throw away? No, you can’t, and whatever you said is wrong. Spaceships cost billions of dollars to make, and a functional society on Mars needs at least  2000 people, which our Lord and Savior Elon Musk plans to achieve in the next 40-100 years. If we want to transport that many people we can’t be throwing away rockets like trash.

Enjoy us not fucking shit up on you while you can, Mars.

So after we get these rockets it’s time to send a trained crew out to Mars with the main objective of finding ways to extract water and oxygen from the planet so we don’t die. This will happen most likely in the early 2030s and will be the most historical thing humankind will witness since the moon landing, except this time the control room won’t smell like cigarettes and sexism.

Now we form a Mars government. Yeah didn’t think about that part did ya? Well, this is arguably the most important step in our path to spreading across space. We need to make sure that some greedy fuck doesn’t monopolize the oxygen or water situation and become powerful enough to declare them self King Mars Greedy Fuck the First. We need to make sure we form a fair government with an economy, health care system, education, and all that. Who knows, maybe it will even be cheaper for Americans to fly to Mars and back for free healthcare!

Boom. We’ve got a space government and a crew there doing some dope astronaut stuff. Now it’s time to send the first settlers. The first Mars citizens will most likely live in capsules or domes and build shit to extract oxygen and water and grow food. After we’ve set that up, it’s time to build a base using the materials on Mars, eventually building separate colonies. If you’re not fucking pumped at the realization we are totally capable of seeing multiple space colonies on Mars in our lifetime, please rethink your life.

The bases are built, it’s time for the final step: having sex. People are gonna want to bang at this point after all that work and establish a home life. Soon families will emerge, people will be born and die, the culture will be formed, and Mars will have a fully functional society. No longer classified as immigrants, there will be full on Martians that live and die on Mars much like European immigrants to America. Pretty deep shit man.

when you hear the next phase of the plan is Mars sex

So there it is. Our plan to colonize Mars and advance humankind. The possibilities are endless from here on out, soon after we’ll colonize moons on Jupiter and Saturn, build colony space stations floating in orbit, send people out of the solar system, and maybe one day, even find a way to produce a bag of chips that isn’t 70% air.

Photo Creds (in order) - NASA, NASA