#also queer friendships sometimes are just like that especially in high school

[vyeoh]

Tell me more about the prep x bad boy treebark!!!! *swings feet and smiles to reveal my second set of teeth like a baby shark* please?

Ren graduated last year (he's one year older than martyn) and no one knows if they're just weirdly close besties or dating or some 3rd secret thing. Like, the thing is they flirted constantly but Ren is just Like That with everyone but also maybe it's like a ploycule situation? Theyre both theater kids and the theater department is just alway sleeping with each other so idk maybe its some theater department polycule. Like, no one knows what's up with those two weirdos but honestly it's not worth the energy to deal with

[leuchtstabrebell]

just saw the Jesus Christ Superstar production in Nuremberg with a friend and thought i'd share some of my observations because this was WILD

details under the cut because i have a lot to say but this might be one of the queerest and boldest productions of JSC i have ever seen. the pope is herodes, nuns are participating in orgies, Mary is a mother, the catholic church is critizised every step of the way, hirarchies and power structures are questioned, and Judas wears a skirt. There are neon crosses and halos and a lot of blood, and so much thought and love put into this. The production value is very good as well. The cast is very young, especially the apostels and Judas and Jesus who are all in their early to mid-twenties, and the vibes are simply amazing.

This production is set in modern day rome and the vatican. jesus and the apostels are queer leftists activists trying to reform/act against the catholic church. like, this is the central element of this production.

(text on these signs reads, from l. to r.: No mandatory celibacy, God is a woman, Maria 2.0, #outinchurch, renewal now, the head of the fish is rotten. The banner reads "God is the love")

Many of these signs are references to reform movements inside the church and discussions around abuse of all kind in the catholic church, as well as demands for a more inclusive christianity (and society).

Jesus officates a wedding between two women apostels and everything is very gay. there are several rainbow flags involved. jesus is draped in a giant version of the flag at one point.

that being said, it is made pretty explicit that mary and jesus have some kind of relationship thing goin on??? They also sometimes seem removed from the rest of the group who have major found family vibes. they go on picnis and protests together, they care for each other, they dance, they sing, they cuddle. there was so much going on, I probably missed a lot of interactions between the apostels. Judas was very involved in the group, more than mary or jesus even, and judas and simon had a very cute friendship (they even play-fought in the beginning). They all hugged and kissed each other a lot as well. (Fun fact: many of the apostels are still in actors school and they did a cooperation with the staatstheater nuremberg which offered them the chance to participate in such a big production)

Now my thoughts on the individual characters:

Mary: sadly, my least favourite character in this production. i didn't really vibe with the actress, although she was great vocally. She rarely interacted with the apostels and kept mostly to herself and the apartment she shared with jesus and her child (I don't like the decision to have them live together almost like a nuclear family). it also did not help that she was noticeable older than the rest of the group and her costume wasn't great either. i loved her kid though, she was really cute (apparently, the gender of the kid changes depending on the child actor that day, here it was a girl). The child also connects the group, there were some cute found family vibes (although they could have done so much more with this ahhh). there are also several moments where the child symbolizes a brighter future to come, and hope, and innocence. she was such a cutie!!!!

This Jesus is a weirdo. Just a weird guy. Kinda Enjolras vibes, kinda angelic, kinda high as a kite beliefs in magic, depressed queer vibes. He would sometimes do weird motions with his hands to summon his powers to heal people????? his outfit was a statement as well.

I liked the acting, although the interpretation is one i had not seen before. The singing was pretty good, although the actors voice was a bit weak sometimes and he often had difficulty with belting higher notes. the actor has a very very soft voice in general??? it kinda contributed to the vibes of this jesus though and worked fine

I didn't like that they actually showed him being able to heal people, I like it more when it stays ambigious if he can actually do wonders/if he is actually the son of god. Interestingly, at the same time this Jesus felt very deserted by God to me? Gethsemane was very intense but also so absolutely defeated. it did not feel like a conversation with god but more pure desperation screamed into a void... This Jesus was really broken :( Also, the torture and whipping (which happens in the vatican???? kinda illegally???) was absolutely brutal and very bloody and he was sobbing in fetal position at several points of this production. also shaking like a little deer. in the last scenes, they filmed close-ups of his tortured face with a camera live and projected it on the large background screen which was very horrifiying and genius, especially during superstar. poor guy. he seemed very sad and burdened a lot of the time

Judas: There he is!!! My boi!!!! He was my absolute fave. The acting and singing was amazing, one of my fav interpretations of this character. The costume choices for him were amazing ( I mean look at him in that skirt and these boots) and this production chose to portray him in a very sympathetic light. He is the soul of the group in this production, while Jesus is the brain and Simon is the heart. (Peter is the bedrock, and Mary and her kid are honey-grease holding them together)

I mean, look at him!!! This judas cares so much, he contains multitudes. He is clearly loved by the people around and loves them back fiercely. He hugged people a lot and was very physical in general and the actor had so much charisma!!! In this version, Jesus and Judas also kind of seemed like two sides of the same coin, which I really liked. While Jesus is kind of otherworldy, charismatic, calm, and enigmatic, Judas is much more hands-on, real, passionate and energetic.

This Judas (like the whole production really) was very angry but he had every right to. In this production it also seemed like his anger at Mary and Jesus being with her was less about Mary (taking out some of the misogyny, luckily) and more about jesus retreating to something that could be perceived as a bourgouise lifestyle (my interpretation, at least). This judas seemed very queer but then again, most apostels in this production seemed to be queer. (The betrayal kiss was very passionate, btw)

Oh, and the cardinals waterboarded Judas with holy water in a church on wooden benches they put together??? And they also threatened and hurt him several other times??? I'm not sure what to feel about this because this makes the betrayal very very cooerced and that might flatten the character but it adds so many new layers as well. They also just push suitcase full of money on his arms and leave him there clutching the thing and sobbing??

Judas death ripped my heart out, it was so raw and cruel and also put emphasis on the cruelty of the catholic church and an uncaring or even cruel god?

and then he absolutely slayed in superstar. all the background dancers were the apostels (which was a deliberate choice because they had a huge cast they could have used for this), including Mary and they all had neon halos?? Judas descended from the ceiling. the staging was kinda similar to the 2012 revival with Judas as a show-caster and entertainer. there was golden glitter falling from the ceiling.

the whole production seemed very angry at institutionalized christianity and God himself but also full of hope and love, and superstar really examplified that.

Herode is the pope. Just straight up the pope. At first I was a bit underwhelmed because the set was very minimal bit then they revealed the pope and started their amazing choreography and I really loved that! just a good solid portrayal, very sexual as well. (this production was very much about hypocricy and not about condemming lust, the opposite really. this production is pretty sex-positive) 8/10

Caiaphas and Annas were pretty solid, like all the other high priests they were cardinals. I thought the actors did a good job although would have liked a deeper base for Caiaphas and a higher tenor for Annas. I thought it was interesting how often the priests/cardinals crossed themselves and blessed people and did christian gestures, especially during "This Jesus must die". They were also pretty violent both towards the apostels and towards jesus and judas.

Peter was really giving dark academia vibes except a bit more boring. I thought it was pretty funny that it was easy to tell that he was Peter just from the costume alone. he had a nice, warm voice and I liked the acting choices - he was very soft and calm, except for when he went absolutely wild on the SWAT team coming to arrest Jesus and broke a bottle to use a shard to cut of the ear (i suppose) of one of them. iconic. 8/10

Simon: what an icon! at one point, he carries petrol and a lighter around to fucking burn the whole thing to the ground. he is passionate and kind and ready to punch someone at any time. his acting and singing were really really good. At the last supper, Simon sucker punches Judas in the face and calls him a "fucking traitor" before shakily ending the song on his guitar to try and comfort the other apostels because their whole world just fell apart. I really love this Simon

Pilate: He had such a great voice and presence, and carried himself with a lot of gravitas. Pilates dream was very stripped down but it worked because of the actor. He seemed really desillusioned and kind but ultimately deafeated, conforming to the will of people around him (lower clergy and devout catholics in this version) (That reminds me, the ouverture was accompanied by various clergy making out in the vatican with each other while headlines about scandals in the church were projected in the background.

There are probably a lot of things I forgot to mention, and there were also some things I did not like about this production but overall, I am really really impressed and just happy that I got to see it live.

You can still see the production too btw, at least if you can make it to Nuremberg :)

[kenjiyabuki]

gmmtv 2025 wants and needs and predictions

i was in a yapping mood. feel free to comment :0)

anyone remember Captain from My School President? yeah, i forgot about him too until i was revisiting it last week. he is such a cutie and he really shone through in episode 6. yes he did, go back and check it. so, GMMTV, please take him out the basement in 2025 and at least give him a secondary role? i accept even if it is just one of those "main BL lead's goofy bestie" ones, just let him see the sun.

SO I THINK THIS WONT HAPPEN BECAUSE ITS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE but does anyone remember this interview where Jojo said he wanted to make an Sex and The City-esque series about the dating life of a guy with Gun Attaphan as the lead because it haunts me daily. if i believed in a god, this would be among my nightly prayers. especially after watching Love in the Big City, i just kept thinking how a Thai series like this would eat!!! my first choice would not be GMMTV to be honest (i want bigger budget!!!) but then, i would trust Jojo with a story like this. at least i would love to see his version. its obvious Jojo's other not BL series (3 Will Be Free, Mama Gogo, The Warp Effect, Dirty Laundry etc.) are more widely beloved than his BLs (Never Let Me Go, Only Friends). so maybe he would be more successful doing something that doesnt have to adhere to branded pairs and it just could be messy and queer as much as he can make it without the shipper fans nitpicking at everything. which, OKAY, i dont know if Gun fans are that blasé but i assume they are as he does work outside of BL and like... c'mon he is such a great actor, put him next to a pot of flowers and he could create chemistry.

Jojo also said he would like to work with Fourth... which is yes. YES, please. look, yeah Jojo sometimes disappoints but to me, he is still one of the most exciting directors in Thai BL. he has a VERY distinct style and i love him for it. its exciting to see which new actor will get the Jojo touch each year. he is such a actor's director and they always shine a different way through his lens. I just want to see what Jojo would make out of Fourth and Gun, both great talents!

some days i think there is no way AouBoom wont have main leads this year and other days my trust issues kick in... nevertheless, i think we wont be seeing them separated but i am asking the court, haven't they done their time in the side couple prison? didnt they pay their dues? if the court agrees, let's get them out of the uni uniforms and put them into something darker. something higher stakes, desperate love, fans nail biting every week, some new actors as the side couple etc.... AouBoom can handle it.

GL ANTHOLOGY/ENSEMBLE SERIES. at least two. one in the messy Only Friends type of way, the other a saccharine romcom a la We Are. for cast i want them to put all the ladies in that GMMTV building in there, even the female flies buzzing around

tbh, if we are going to get another long ass New show, i want BL AND GL couples. like i dont understand why all BLs have to be sausage fests like why cant we have best of both worlds together in one series........... i need to see more useless lesbian and dumb gay friendship representation stat. (e.g. The Warp Effect or Bad Buddy)

a more personalized wish for GL: i think she is back from maternity leave so, i want Fah in a GL purely for my self interest. she is just so talented and gorgeous and i want to see her kiss other gorgeous girls... i want to say Namtan but i think NamtanFilm might keep going through 2025, which okay, not complaining!!!!!!!!!

i KNOW GeminiFourth will have another series because i think they have been saying it or at least confirmed that they intend to keep working together. they make GMMTV lots of money so i dont see any chance for them to not have new series. they also expressed that they wanted get out of the high school uniforms which is like YEAH. yeah, boys. i agree. last year i was so disappointed to see them in My Love Mix-Up. it felt like such a setback after MSP and their spectacular work in Moonlight Chicken. just get them out the those blue shorts and put them in whatever, that's my (our) only wish.

i love them but i think want FirstKhaotung to rest. or i just want to see them something not exactly BL. yeah, i cant believe i am saying this as well. excited to see them in THK. no further comments.

might be an unpopular opinion but PLEASE no japanese BL remakes. please. i think it doesnt translate well. i am sorry...

i dont follow them that closely but i think GreatInn confirmed they will keep working together. BUTTT how about ThorFluke tho👀 will we get any crumbs from them?

WinnySatang… i think they have lots of room for improvement in their acting (i feel the emotions but they can look stiff) which affects their chemistry's physicality (e.g. sometimes they leave room for several Jesuses). still, i find them endearing together and see lots of potential and growth in the future IF they also want to keep on being a ship. tbh, i dont see them ready to tackle being leads yet so i am okay to see them as secondary again. and also singular roles in other BLs or non BLs.

MarcPoon. in whatever way or shape or form they think we deserve it. i just want to see more of them on my screen, together or not. but if together, preferably in a different dynamic than We Are (looking at you Perfect 10 Liners…). i adored Poon in Shadow, i would love to see him in a horror or just anything challenging again.

Lego of LYKN in his own BL?????????? that has to happen at one point, no? something to do with dancing, hopefully????

OffGun is already confirmed for next year. and full disclosure, i am soooo biased. generally i want couples to mix and match but i like OffGun together so much, i dont think i will ever complain about them. they could've been on their 78th BL and i would be like "okay, when is the next one?". my only wish would be for them to go back to the darker, more challenging, higher stakes kind of BL in the vein of Not Me again.

i think we can all agree when we see that trailer with Podd & Papang on that screen we wont even be shocked...

on the topic of shock, i want a new unexpected BL pair that will make us feel gagged and gooped and gobsmacked like the announcement of OhmNanon (rip) or JossGawin. hit us where we least expect it!

[moonyswritinq]

If you're still taking request and if it's okay could you do smth small ( the format you're more comfortable/in the mood for ) for a male reader in a queerplatonic relationship with Eddie ? Love your writing and thank you !

eddie munson in a queer platonic relationship

❝ HEY, HANDSOME ❞

SYNOPSIS ➢ Headcanons for Eddie Munson in a queer platonic relationship with you.

PAIRING ➢ eddie munson x male reader

CONTENT WARNING ➢ swearing, fluff, mentions of weed and alcohol

WORD COUNT ➢ 1.1 k

AUTHORS NOTE ➢ thank you so much for the compliment and for the request, i hope i made it justice! this is written with a male reader in mind, but it can be imagined as gender neutral, as well.

MASTERLIST

You and Eddie first met in class in high school, bumping into each other.

You had noticed him before, with his eccentric persona and unique style of clothing, but had never dared approach him until now. He immediately recognised you, as you stood out from the rest of your peers with a queerness equal to his.

The two of you got to talking and quickly realised you got on well together. You could match his level of quirkiness, retorting quickly with wit and cleverness.

When you went your separate ways, Eddie couldn’t stop thinking about you. He realised he needed to get to know you better.

And so your friendship began, similar to of the falling headfirst into a deep pit without being able to get back out.

You were immediately close to each other, and there was no turning back.

It’s no secret Eddie sucks at the subjects in school and that his grades are all very low, so he’d often beg for your help and tutoring with those puppy eyes of his. You stood no chance of denying him.

Eddie’s an open person and would allow you into all parts of himself — just sort of dumping all of him onto you.

He introduced you to all of his interests at once; his favourite artists and songs; the wonder of D&D roleplaying;  him and his bandmates’ band; even teaching you a few things on his guitar.

If you play D&D, you’d sit right next to him at every session, even helping with some campaigns. He loves playing with you. If you don’t play, he’d insist to have you there, still, just to be near you. And if you played any instruments, he’d want you to join his band.

In turn, he will listen to you talking about all your interests with equal enthusiasm, and wanting to be shown all of them.

Eddie will try to remember everything you tell about yourself, storing the information to be able to surprise you with it later. Although his memory would fail him sometimes, the effort was still endearing to you.

The two of you didn’t really define you relationship, making it into something that was not quite romantic but still not strictly friend-like. You enjoyed each other’s company and were happy to leave it at that.

He likes to keep you especially close, just having some sort of physical contact at all possible times. He’s touch deprived, aright?

In public, Eddie will mostly settle for just an arm around you or to lean against you. In private, though, he is much more demanding; wanting to hold your hand, interlock your fingers, almost to the point of cuddling, and tracing his fingers across any tattoos you might have.

When he’s under some sort of influence this is increased tenfold and he would just dump his whole body on you like a weighted blanket, the weight of him a bit suffocating but also comforting.

If he’s too revved up to stay still beside you, he would play-punch you, hopping on light feet, and which would eventually lead to a play-fight. Who’d win depended on how irritated you’d be with him, and if you’d let him win or not.

Eddie likes to argument about things, but in a banter-kind-of-way. Whether it be music, which he’s especially passionate about, or the best ways to get high or drunk. You’d call each other things like fucker, prick, idiot, and twat, but in an endearing way.

He’s a cheeky motherfucker — and he knows you love it though.

Eddie’s favourite thing to spend time with you is to put on some of his favourite music and sing along to it, having a karaoke party all by your own; or to spend a day out, either walking around the woods or driving around in his van; or to get high and just laugh at stupid shit together.

Let’s be honest, everything he does with you is Eddie’s favourite thing. He’s happy to spend any time with you, no matter what you do together.

Eddie would always drag you to his concerts (if you weren’t already part of the band) and you loved to see him perform.

You’d often help with getting him ready, both with preparing his equipment and his outfits.

You introduced him to eyeliner and he’s been obsessed with it ever since. He always gets you to do it for him, straddling his hips to gingerly hold his face as you applied the makeup. He loves the intimacy and how beautiful you make him look.

Your conversations are always interesting, ranging from the silliest things, such as how melons are considered berries, to the important and big things in life, like future plans. Sometimes you’re just quipping back and forth petty retorts, sarcastic and witty with your banter. You’re always entertained in each other’s company.

With how much time the two of you spend together and how you clung to each other, people would often assume you were a couple. You’d just deny them, saying you two are friends, which the rest of your friends rightfully doubted. Or, if they seemed to be having a problem with it, Eddie and you would fuck with them and be even more affectionate with each other.

It didn’t help people’s assumptions either that Eddie loved nicknames. He’d go around addressing you with hot stuff, handsome, good looking, and his favourite, pretty boy.

He’d be in the middle of a band practice, pausing to call to you:

“Hey, handsome, would you kindly turn the speaker up? Can’t even hear my guitar over the drums.”

You’d just nod and comply without a second thought, while the other bandmates stared at the two of you.

“What?” Eddie asked.

“You just called y/n handsome. Is anything going on between you?”

“No? I just stated a fact. Don’t you consider him good looking?”

“Didn’t say that.”

“Yeah? Then there you have it.”

“Stop bullying them, Eddie.”

“What’d you say, hot stuff?”

He’s a prick, and he knows it, by the cheeky grin he always sent you. He loved fucking with people like that, and implying things that weren’t happening, almost like it was a hobby of his. You admired the commitment though.

Sometimes you’d retort with your own flirty nicknames, turning the conversation into a competition of who could out-flirt the other.

At the end of the day, Eddie is glad to have you in his life, always looking forward to the next time you’d see each other.

And he’d often want to go to sleep with you beside him, cuddling or not. Just your mere presence calmed him and allowed him to sleep peacefully without the help of weed or alcohol.

All in all, you are happy in each other’s company and had a deep connection, something that extended the normal restrictions of friendships and relationships. It doesn’t matter what you labeled it as, as long as Eddie and you were happy.

if you enjoyed this, PLEASE LEAVE A LIKE, REPLY, AND REBLOG

© 2023 all rights reserved to ❝ moonyswritinq ❞. do not plagiarize, steal, repost w/o credit or use for your own gain.

[handyowlet]

I’ve seen a lot of discourse lately about the newer parts of this (and other) fandoms. Some of it is just calling out people for bad behavior, but some of it seems downright hostile to people just for being new, and that seems unfair to me. Anyone who is being a dick to others should ABSOLUTELY be dragged for that, whether they’ve been around for 6 months or 6 years. Common decency should be the baseline.

But we can’t control when we became aware of a fandom, or when a new world was opened up to us. And trying to lock people out, devalue their opinions, or refuse to engage with them at all simply because you were here first is just mean.

For example, I was obsessed with My Little Pony back when I watched The Glass Princess (1986) on VHS multiple times a day. But it’s been a long time since then, and while Friendship is Magic is not the same, I don’t begrudge anyone loving it and I don’t think I would be a more important fan or that my opinions would be more valid just because cause I loved it before a newer fan did, especially because I am (probably much) older than a lot of those fans. I only got there first because I was born first and my mom bought that tape. This isn’t exactly the same as some of you because I’m not into MLP any more, but my daughter’s starting to love it, and I’m not going to keep her from watching the new stuff just because it isn’t the old stuff.

I was only 5 when GO was published, so of course there are people who read it and fell in love with it before I did, because I was a child and didn’t know it existed. I didn’t know about a lot of things- I didn’t know anything about Star Wars, Star Trek, LOTR, etc. until college because my parents didn’t let me. I only learned about Rocky Horror, Eddie Izzard, RENT, Queer as Folk, etc. because of the people I met in Creative Writing and drama club in high school, because they had been given access to those things and shared them with me. Drag Race was several years old before someone introduced me to that.

I am relatively new to this fandom, even though I did read the book many years before the show came out. I didn’t even know there was going to be a show until suddenly there was, and I loved S1, but circumstances in my life kept me from becoming obsessed. I also had no idea S2 was coming until right before it came out, and by then I was in a place where the brain rot was able to take hold. I thought Tumblr was like Tindr until around then as well, and I had no idea AO3 even existed. No one else I known IRL knows what these things are either, except for what I’ve told them. I don’t think my participation in this fandom should be any less valid just because I didn’t have access to it before now.

I have dived into this fandom headfirst and unabashedly. I still don’t understand all of how Tumblr and AO3 work, but now that I’m here, I participate as much as I can (sometimes I don’t respond to those tagging posts because I haven’t figured it out yet). I post on Tumblr when I think I have something to say, and try to boost others who say things I think might enrich someone else’s life too. I devour fanfic on a daily basis, leaving kudos and comments and recommending anything I’ve liked to anyone who will listen because I want to support the amazing artists in this community and spread the happiness they’ve brought to me. I try to engage with anyone who engages with me, and I’d like to think I’ve been respectful to you all (but I know I can be blunt too, so if ever I am a twat waffle, feel free to drag my ass for that).

I guess my bottom line is, while I’ve mostly felt very safe, loved, and accepted jn this fandom, the anti-newbie discourse is disheartening. I will absolutely join you in blasting anyone who chooses to be an asshole, but I’m never going to support the unnecessary gatekeeping. I don’t think Aziraphale, Crowley, Michael, David, Terry, or Neil would either.

Thank you to all of you who have shown love and acceptance to me. I’ll strive to return it and pay it forward to every chance I get.

[chaniis-atlantis]

Writing interview tag game!!

Tagged by @bagheerita love this!! I love talking about my writing!

About me

When did you start writing?

I would say I started writing as soon as I knew how, but I started in earnest in middle school. My sixth grade English teacher was incredibly encouraging of the work I showed her (as were my parents), and that really helped me to feel confident in just keeping going

Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write?

Yeah lol. So I write super long fics, but I have OCD and a big part of that is that, as I've gotten older, I struggle to read words on a page with any sort of speed. So I have a lot of trouble reading long form stuff because of the stress it causes. I get around this with original work by listening to audio books, but for fic, there really isn't much I can do about it besides try.

Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often?

Not ever compared to anyone, and I also wouldn't say I emulate anyone in particular. Though for my og works I take inspiration from Samatha Shannon and Madeline Miller in regard to writing style

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

So I can't really work at home, so my space is coffee shops! There is a particular one where I live where the music isn't too loud, the lighting is warm and the tea is fantastic. I wrote my senior thesis there :)

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Ugh, time. When I'm in a rut I'm in a rut and there isn't much I can do about it tbh. Though sometimes if I talk to friends about it for long enough, something comes clear.

If I'm not in a rut, my muses come through music

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and/or places you write about?

Yes and no. I write high fantasy and horror, so I tend to pull away from where I grew up and go toward places I dream of. However, I write almost exclusively queer stories and that I owe to 1) being queer and 2) growing up in Florida and around queer people like myself whose family/wider community did not support them. Everything I write is a love letter to queer people, especially the ones who have been pushed away for being who they are.

Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so, do they surprise you?

Oh yeah. In both fic and og work I think I write a lot about loss and grief, finding identity, found family and how it heals. I write about people from opposite worlds falling in love or in friendship. I tend to center characters who are other from the world they live in, whether that's because of a physical aspect or an emotional/personality one.

Not surprised at all since those themes come from personal experience and the feelings I have about life and it's meaning

Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character?

This will surprise no one but, Todd! I love him! Probably because it's so easy for me to write the Wraith with one of those themes in mind. I'm obsessed with monsters (I think because of the queerness) and especially how societies in these stories treat them. I love basically forcing Stargate to treat the Wraith as the interesting characters they are.

Todd is so perfect because he's so old and so weird for a Wraith. He's just begging to be put under a microscope. And I do, I do

I'll also say that in my behemoth "Across the Universe," I have several original characters. My fav of them is a character I haven't shown yet, but I've mentioned, and that is Todd's dad. This guy is kind of insane and also my darling. He's got, I guess just as much backstory and baggage as I've given Todd in that fic and (my favorite) a fic-canon altering twist in his arsenal. I also like to pair him with Ronan in my mind palace, which sounds batshit (and is), but you can blame my proclivity for enemies to lovers as trope for that. But that is so far into the future of that universe that it might as well not even exist (FirstLight, the Wraith you are)

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

I would want to be Todd's friend, but I don't think he'd want to be mine lol.

I'd love to be friends with the entire core SGA group but it's a little hard to imagine how.

I think Teyla and I would get along, and I would love to be her friend. Ronan and I might get along too, but I'm not very active, so we wouldn't have many hobbies in common. But I think I could vibe with him in the mess hall.

Same situation for someone like Weir. Not a lot in common.

In my dream world, Sheppard and I would be besties, but I'm not sure he could handle how emotional I get, and I don't know if I could handle how closed off he is. I think the person I would actually get along with most is McKay because, tbh I yap that much too and am also a bit of an insecure mess. I would like listening to him talk about his ideas and I think he would appreciate that.

Of course, I wouldn't be able to get past the war crimes these people commit, so actually none of them haha

Jumping to another fandom: I think Aziraphale and me could be friends. We both like reading and food and I think we could have some fun conversations about literature.

Which characters would you dislike the most of you met them?

Hmm...okay so obviously Kolya.

I love Micheal as a character, but he would terrify me in real life.

Kavanaugh is pretty obvious

I wouldn't want anything to do with a single person from Hannibal in real life. Maybe season 1 Will.

Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters?

Honestly, I couldn't tell you. They spawn out of nowhere as I imagine scenes. I guess they develop that way too. I think about them in the scene, and their personalities and traits reveal themselves to me.

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?

Oh yeah. They tend to be outcasts, they tend to be queer. They also tend to be magical or have some extra trait to what is typically human. I also really enjoy writing morally grey characters and sympathetic villians

How do you picture your characters?

I can see stuff pretty clearly in my head, but I also use Picrew and Sims to make them sometime

My writing

What’s your reason for writing?

It's everything to me. Really, it's nothing specific. My life would be empty without writing. It's my passion.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating?

I love comments that talk about moments from the story they enjoyed. It makes me feel good about my ideas🥰

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I've never thought about this specifically. I don't know if I want anything really other for them to enjoy it. Maybe in a fantasy, they'd think I was clever or inspiring, but I just want what I write to give people joy.

For my original writing, I do hope that my writing can speak to my queer community.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I think I'm the best at characters. I like my prose itself (for what it is right now) but I think that my character creation skills, and specifically how they blend into the plot and work with each other, are what I'm doing right the most. World building is also a strength

Have you been told is your greatest strength as a writer is by others?

Characters and world building! Lol

How do you feel about your own writing?

I'm at a place in my life where I don't think I suck. I also don't think I'm the best ever. I think that I can improve and that great is finally a visible goal.

If you were the last person on earth, would you still write?

Yes. I need to write like I need to breath. It would suck to not be able to share it, but that wouldn't stop me from creating.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both?

Eh I'm not really sure. I think I lean more towards writing for myself. Sometimes I tamp down my ideas if they are something I know wouldn't fit the story (if I'm already writing it) or wouldn't really fit the world as much as I'd like them to.

Whew! I'm doing laundry at my hostel right now so this was a good distraction

Npt: @annwayne @sga-owns-my-soul @adriankyte-writes @aintgonnatakethis @mx-seraph @original-asteria @trainofcommand @anonmadsci @spurious

[cowboyjen68]

I think I'm mostly just venting about this but I also feel like you have some amazing sage wisdom just like you do for everyone.

My best friend of 10 years (highschool onward) and the last friend I have who is cis just dropped me out of nowhere. He claimed it was because I moved and we were "already growing apart" but I can't help but think it was my queerness.

I recently came out to friends and family as a lesbian (about 3 years ago) and came out to friends only as not cis around the same time. It was after this that he stopped talking to me as much and just generally treated me weird.

I've since moved away and we stayed friends until he dropped me out of the blue. I have no more long-term friends now. Nobody from my hometown talks to me after that as all of our mutual acquaintances dropped me too after he did.

I'm sure it's for the best in the end but I feel so lost not having a best friend, a person who knows who I am, around. Especially with how scared I feel to be in queer spaces with rising tensions, I guess I'm just feeling lost.

I am going to come at this from my experience. High school is such a time of growth and change, friendships from that time in our life can be hard to hold on to, especially with a connection as strong as you feel when you are growing up and experiencing things together in similar circumstances. 

Maintaining a friendship between young men and women can be incredibly different as they start to reach maturity since they receive different socialization and information from both the outside world and from the inside changes their bodies are experiencing as puberty does its job.  

It is possibly just a matter of you growing apart as humans and not necessarily due to some judgment of your sexuality on his part. He perhaps just feels less of an ability to connect with you as time has gone on and even because, as a straight man, he just doesn’t have as much in common with you. When we are younger those differences are less important but as we age and have more access to a wider variety of people those differences can be more pronounced. 

I have kept in FB contact with many high school friends and my best friend and I communicate once in a while but in all reality, we rarely see each other, our lives are very different and we don’t share the connection we once had. I will always call her “my best friend” because she was my first best friend and we shared so many life changing moments together. She will always be special to me. When I came out she accepted me and was not surprised because she knew me better than anyone. The fact is, time has made us less close. And that is okay. We had a wonderful childhood together and spent many years making memories. We haven't lost any of those even as our connection faded and we went in separate directions. 

Even IF your friend (friends) have walked away from you because you are a lesbian, maybe because they feel uncomfortable with you know, or maybe because they don’t know how to relate to you or just because life is moving on the end result is the same. 

You might never know and, frankly, it does not matter. It is pretty common for us to find new friends in each stage of life. HIgh school, college, career, middle age, marriage, retirement, or whatever place we are at. Sometimes we hang on to a few over a lifetime but even those friendships can ebb and flow with time. 

You will find new friends who share more in common with you. You will discover others who are a better fit in your life as you are right now. Let those old friendships organically fade and put your energy into finding new people who are worthy of your time and energy. Right now the change is scary and feeling alone is a terrifying feeling. Look for those who share your values and ideas. It is better to be on your own for a while than compromise who you are. 

I often suggest that we seek other lesbians to befriend because they share so much of the same experiences and foundations we have in our lives. Remember, not all lesbians are a good fit. Being a lesbian does not preclude people from being jerks or from being vastly different from you. Don’t discount a friend because she does not share your sexuality. Judge others on how you enjoy their friendship and how they enjoy yours. But seeking lesbian/bi women circles can be a good focus. When you know  2 lesbians they each know 2 more and on and on. You don’t need to go to larger mixed spaces like bars and pride events to meet each other. Look for local zines published by lesbians, FB spaces, meetup app or dating apps with “friendship” options can be a help. Try your library and see if they have lesbian book clubs and if not, start one. Be creative and keep searching.

[jaanusbooktalk]

Café con Lychee by Emery Lee - Book Review

6/10 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

TW: homophobia, racism, cultural appropriation, fear of being outed, toxic friendships, bullying

(TWs are ranked in order of severity, please take them seriously!)

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while! I just started senior year and everything’s been moving kinda fast, but I have gotten the chance to read a lot!

Most recently, I’ve read:

On a Sunbeam (graphic novel by Tillie Walden)

Rainbow in the Dark by Sean McGinty

Fifteen Hundred Miles from the Sun by Jonny Garza Villa

Love from A to Z by S.K. Ali

Lobizona by Romina Garber

Six Crimson Cranes by Elizabeth Lim

The Color Purple by Alice Walker

My So-Called Bollywood Life by Nisha Sharma

I’m currently reading Crying in H-Mart by Michelle Zauner 🍜

^me and my college applications rn😭

Summary:

“Sometimes bitter rivalries can brew something sweet.

Theo Mori wants to escape. Leaving Vermont for college means getting away from working at his parents’ Asian American café and dealing with their archrivals’ hopeless son Gabi who’s lost the soccer team more games than Theo can count.

Gabi Moreno is miserably stuck in the closet. Forced to play soccer to hide his love for dance and iced out by Theo, the only openly gay guy at school, Gabi’s only reprieve is his parents’ Puerto Rican bakery and his plans to take over after graduation.

But the town’s new fusion café changes everything. Between the Mori’s struggling shop and the Moreno’s plan to sell their bakery in the face of the competition, both boys find their dreams in jeopardy. Then Theo has an idea—sell photo-worthy food covertly at school to offset their losses. When he sprains his wrist and Gabi gets roped in to help, they realize they need to work together to save their parents’ shops but will the new feelings rising between them be enough to send their future plans up in smoke?”

Representation:

This will be an own voices review since I’m coming from an Asian American & queer perspective, but we are not a monolith and not everyone will agree with my interpretation.

To be honest, I had really high expectations for this book. It had been in my TBR ever since I heard it was coming out, and I was super excited to read about two queer PoC falling in love (not to mention the enemies to lovers and food!!) but it ended up falling short in a lot of ways.

For representation, Theo Mori is Japanese and Chinese (if I remember correctly) and Gabi Moreno is Puerto Rican. While Theo is gay and out, Gabi is very much in the closet and struggles with his father’s machismo expectations.

I will say that while this is the author’s own experience growing up in these cultures, the book’s impact depended on the readers. For white readers, the book would appear to reinforce negative stereotypes like Asian parents pushing for perfect grades, and Latinx parents being machismo and sexist.

It’s one of those things that for Asian kids, we know that sometimes our parents can be strict, but it’s not something that applies to all Asian parents. I would have liked to see some of those stereotypes challenged in this book instead of reinforced.

That being said, the book did a really good job of showing the struggles of being in the closet, especially with a homophobic family.

What I Liked:

I liked the plot and how it flowed - nothing seemed choppy or didn’t make sense. There was always a reason the characters were doing what they did, and even if you didn’t agree with it you understood their motivations.

I needed a good beach read when I picked this up, and it did not disappoint. I also love love love when romance books have switching perspectives - it adds a lot of dimension to the characters.

Why I couldn’t give it a 10:

Sadly, this book ended up falling into a lot of unfortunate stereotypes that I felt readers from other backgrounds wouldn’t recognize as such. I discussed this a bit already, but it was to the extent that I had to put the book down at times. I also didn’t really like how the “enemies to lovers” aspect was basic - they genuinely had little reason to hate each other and it was mostly one sided. This is later acknowledged so that they can have a romance, but it fell flat for me. I prefer when characters have complex motivations, especially for a plot line that propels so much of the book.

Ultimately, I’m grateful for the representation this book brings to the table and I hope it can make people feel seen, I just didn’t enjoy the writing as much as I wanted to. For a debut novel, it’s not bad!

I can’t think of any recommendations like this book at the moment (because this is a months-old draft) but I’ll keep an eye out!

Thanks for reading!

[morninkim]

What's your favorite example of an underdeveloped relationship/dynamic from the show that you put a lot of thought into for Rise? c:

Ooooooohhhhh good question good question

I think the relationships between the Rangers specifically were pretty well explored in the show, and I'll have to do a proper rewatch at some point to really get a feel for what could be missing from some interactions BUT I have a couple

Rise Tommy and Zack are so important to me. Like. They both love their mothers, Zack's a lot more open about it than Tommy since he's known his WAY longer. They encourage each other with their respective girlfriends - the S1 ep where they team up and Zack gets the dragon shield is so so good, that influenced a lot of my thoughts about them - and, especially when it comes to trans stuff, they feel like the other just gets it. They're T4T friendship goals fr

Kim and Trini, while I think is very cute and fun in the show, is another relationship I LOVE in Rise. I mentioned in the series outline post that Trini's there to let Kim cut loose when her parents get divorced, since hers did the same thing years ago, plus similar with Zack/Tommy, they both love their dads so much (idk if I'll design parents but I imagine that Trini's dad has obvious smile lines and Kim's dad's forehead is permanently wrinkled from Business Man Things) - Trini's also there to help Kim with queer stuff when she realises she likes Tommy, since she's never liked a girl before!! But she's excited about it!! But nervous!! And through Kim's excitement for discovering herself, Trini's able to get more and more comfortable with coming out to everyone

Skull and Billy's childhood friend thing from GGPR was something I wanted to carry over to Rise, difference being that they were friends in kindergarten until Billy's parents took him out of public school to teach him at home. Now in High School Billy sometimes lends Skull a hand with schoolwork (Autistic to ADHD Communication) and while Skull does get frustrated and they clash sometimes, they're good friends at the end of the day.

Similarly, Jason and Kim were friends in early Elementary School but went to different Middle Schools, so they're just kinda friendily floating around each other at first. But by the finale, Jason's like the older brother Kim never had but always wanted and acts like the biggest goober in the world around her to keep her smiling, while she's. Very Loud at football games to support him and Zack, and eventually Tommy as well she joins the team.

OH OH OH OKAY ACTUALLY REAL ANSWER Richie, Tommy and Curtis as a friend group are SO IMPORTANT. RISE SEASON 1 NEW KID TRIO. Richie and Curtis are lot more extroverted than Tommy and help her get a lil more comfortable around school, Curtis introduces her to Zack, which obvs leads to her meeting the rest of the Rangers and becoming friends with them. One of my fave things has been taking these two characters who really were just introduced to be White Ranger red herrings and making them MATTER. Richie sees Tommy getting close with Kim and is like "oh like, y'know, Kim's friends with Trini right? And you're also friends with her? Think you could,,, hook a butch up?" and Tommy just. Is terrible at being a wingwoman and is like "woahhh y'know Richie's preeeetty cool, she once saved a cat from a tree without using a ladder. Just fully flew up there. Ain't that neat, Trini? Don't you think that's sick?" and Trini's like. Ah. I know what's going on here. Curtis is sweet, but he does get insecure about being stuck as the "funny haha friend" no one really takes seriously but Richie and Tommy are like No dude. We love you. Let's go see a movie. Plus he's just so helpful and will drop anything to lend a hand, so Richie genuinely appreciates his un-asked-for-but-desperately-needed help at the Juice Bar

[seoafin]

Hello Morgan :) I just read chapters 1 & 2 of Dog days are over and .. xhsbacbksdjcb it was so good I have become incoherent. hence why - -- hhhh .... when i .. when he- when. they. hhh .. .... when- the mc- ....

Wah, I can't even find the words to describe how enamoured I am of it. Stsg? ? Forget about them .. Who are they anyways. Irrelevant. I am instead giving you and rip!mc flowers (if you want them, or any little gift you want!) .. Mc .. she deserves the world. i mean these three words, i do. Stsg are so annoying honestly. I would fall for her face first. The way you do with that one high school friend you have a very queer friendship with .. oddly specific but yeah I love her sm LMAOO. And you !! You deserve to get *all* the love you put in your works back tenfold and more for your wonderful writing, Morgan!!

I have already sent a few asks full of compliments on anon but tbh I would repeat what I said word by word as many times as it's needed. This fic alone is a lot of work from all points of view, and I want to let you know I personally am grateful for the chance to read it .. It's enriching (I hope this is an actual english word lol) and it's pleasant to read; the universe you created is vibrant .. realistic as in immersive and (sometimes painfully) relatable, especially the mc - she feels so human and I think I can say I relate and have related to her, which is a little sad - but reading it also feels comforting (i believe that truly is the unifying potential of fanfic and writing in general).

There are so many things i could say about these two chapters but i think i'll leave them for AO3 comments (didn't someone say tumblr asks are temporary but ao3 comments are permanent?). Rn I just want to focus on how beautifully outlined rip!mc's feelings are. The loneliness .. The image of a single mother and her kid in her apartment .. Her thinking about her future (woah, that one hurt. in a good way though) and the prospect of being left behind .. I've been going through quite strange times (& writing sad stuff? idk why it is, is it the strange weather?) so that passage was kind of the nail in the coffin, the final blow for me - but in a good, cathartic way, i promise!! (also. i loved "nail in the coffin" - i hope i got the title right. it did something to me. my dirty mind couldn't stop thinking about the way geto stole mc's panties mainly because i have too many [redacted] geto thoughts and that includes panty taking. but this is just a side note.) (and gojo. the leash line. i think, in that, me and mc are different because i would've said yes in the blink of an eye - yeah that's concerning of me but everyone has their flaws right??. lol. the "what do you want" "everything" exchange. i don't think i'll ever recover. in a good way).

When i find something i like this much I think I'd need a 10k word frame minimum to analyze and dissect it over and over .. so I'll stop rambling for everyone's safety 😂. But yeah, I hope this silly comment gives you back even an ounce of the warmth your writing gives me (& i'm sure i'm not the only one)!! and please don't feel obligated at all to respond to this. I just really wanted to say these things :)). i hope you have a good day !

hi friend!!!!! can i just say how much i was smiling reading this because i was SMILING so hard my friend thought i was texting a man (as if please lmfao) everyone being so nice and encouraging about this fic is going to make me cry. like i was not kidding when i said that this fic was loved into existence because i had no intention of actually writing an actual fic for them!!! but im doing it!!! because everyone is so enthusiastic about it!!! im glad u and many others enjoy rip!mc because the amount of self sabotage in this fic....i need to endear her to everyone LOL

this ask gave me so much serotonin never apologize for sending it in!!!!! if anything have me back warmth and happiness in SPADES. thank you so so soo much for reading <3333 i hope u have such an amazing wonderful bright day 😭😭😭 once again i am so touched that you liked the fic enough to write me this wonderful ask 😭😭😭

[uefb]

RAMBLING and UNNECESSARILY LONG (and, also, simply unnecessary) AUTHOR’S NOTE for THE MOST VICIOUS CREATURES ON THE PLANET 

Literally you do not need to read this. Seriously. You don’t. Just read the story. This is just the kind of person I am and I would say ‘Why am I like this?’ but I absolutely know. Anyway, read on to boredom at your own risk.

Again, story is here.

Authors note:

You may notice in my writing about Newt’s childhood, I do write him with more visibly autistic behaviors than he displays in adulthood. This is intentional, and based partially on the portrayal of Young!Newt in Crimes of Grindelwald. Many autistic people who professionals or researchers call “high functioning” or “low support needs” or autistic people without other co-occurring intellectual disabilities develop skills as they mature to not only blend in but to promote their own physical safety (though masking and suppression of autistic traits is increasingly associated with less desired mental health outcomes). You can learn about some of the ways autistic people try to do this here. (I also recommend Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price, an autistic social psychologist.)  All that being said, I try not to infantalise Newt in my writing, or write him as adorably and helplessly oblivious, even if he often is — I think its important (and humanizing!) for him to be just as capable of making mistakes as everyone else.

Next, I utterly failed to pick up on any Newt and Leta romantic tension while watching the films and maybe that’s the autism in me, but I write them as extremely close friends at the least, and queer platonic at the most. (I have heard from some non-autistic people that they didn’t think it was romantic either.) The tidbits we see reminded me of one of my own friendships in university/undergraduate school, which was utterly devoted (probably queer platonic) if entirely non-sexual and non-romantic and, yes, sometimes a…smidge unhealthy. There’s hints of some of her “taking” behaviour in this story, but not much — because I do think she and Newt had a good relationship before things went south. Newt can only see her behaviours, not what’s in her head. The decision to show Newt & Leta as close friends is a personal choice for the purposes of this fic especially—you are welcome to feel about Leta and their relationship however you would like. 

Necessary disclaimers: 1.) All autistic people are different. 2.) Keep in mind Newt may be a bit of an unreliable narrator. What he describes is accurate, but his view is limited—he’s only 13, after all.

Truly more excessive rambling below the cut...

I’ve included some of my own experiences in this fic. For example, even as an undiagnosed child, I could not often speak to people outside my family in completely unstructured situations and would flounder into silence after hello. My mother specifically instructed me over the years—from about age 8 to 14—on how to maintain the flow of conversation, to tolerate small talk, to listen and reflect, how to end a conversation appropriately, etc. I was literally paid with quarters to approach people I knew from school when in public to learn how to be polite and say hello and have a back-and-forth conversation about things that weren’t Harry Potter, peat bog mummies, or Bilbo Baggins. When I became involved in special interests that required me to actually talk to people or that inspired me to speak up unprompted (civil and human rights, for example, as an adolescent), I was actually able to better practice and develop arguably more casual conversational skills. You’ll see that a bit with Newt, as well, particularly in Chapter Two, in the way Theseus instructs him, and in how it is implied Newt’s able to talk to Leta with relative ease, because she has enough knowledge of creatures for him to anchor everything back to that in their conversations. 

You’ll also notice there’s an implication throughout that Newt, perhaps, does not always think about other people’s intentions toward him or others, an unfortunate naivete that tends to put autistic people repeatedly at risk do to less of an instinct for social-based guessing (or ‘mindreading’, as…some researchers like to call it). (Though as one gains more data over life, one can better predict and avoid physical and emotional harm.) Finally, two last things: While Newt does explicitly, physically stim in the Fantastic Beasts films (picking at buttons and fingers, fingers on seams, occasional rocking), some autistic adults have more “obvious” stims in childhood. My own jumping turned into rocking, flapping into finger & button picking, table-drumming into knuckle-cracking, etc. And on meltdowns: For some autistic people, meltdowns are more common in childhood than adulthood, with shutdowns becoming more predominant in autistic adults or, in a best case scenario, both being reduced due to the autistic adult’s ability to recognize stress ahead of time and diffuse it before a dramatic, regulating “reset” is necessary. (Though for people who have meltdowns, they don’t tend to just ‘go away’. It’s not something you developmentally grow out of.) This is the sort of progression I write for Newt in this universe, which is why—again—you’ll notice more autistic traits in this piece than in a lot of my others. 

There’s also a few passing bits of musing on gender in here because emerging research suggests that autistic people are more likely than non-autistic people to identify as trans or non-binary (perhaps, because, the ability to understand social roles is not innate to us, and many of us thus question the systems we’re born into). Honestly, I’ve most specifically included it out of spite—as an autistic, genderqueer person—because JKR made another truly confounding post late last year implying that trans concepts are somehow corrupting poor, innocent, impressionable autistic children. (And she’s said other things that imply that autistic kids are just confused about their gender identities because they’re…. autistic?) Anyway, as an autistic adult who has identified as trans and/or non-binary for over 13 years now and who spent significant portions of childhood just staring at groups of boys and girls and trying to figure out the why and the how, I’ve written said apathetic confusion into childhood Newt, because I can. [And I’ve been recently accused multiple times of not being a “trans ally” and being a "dangerous" person because I’ve bought two (2) tickets and two (2) DVDs since 2018 and, apparently, writing FB fanfic also inherently makes me a TERF and antisemite who hates themself for being autistic. (Some people have never heard of nuance.) The fact that I’m technically under the trans umbrella and have spent significant portions of my life doing actual concrete policy work within institutions, communities, and my employment around trans and queerness is just — well. The accusations just hurt. So I did the very autistic thing of processing that via a special interest, even if it seems like a throwaway paragraph to everyone else.]

Anyway, I’ll probably make a separate author’s note for Chapter 3, as I’m still writing that one at this point. Also, I’ve had a lot going on recently so there may be a gap between posting chapters 2 and 3 because i’m trying not to fail out of my PhD program lmao.

Thanks and I hope you enjoy. 

If you read to the end of this, I’m sorry. And also — wow, proud of you. Treat yourself.

[twin-wolves-123]

long textpost incoming lol, for whoever cares

i think the thing i was least prepared for about being queer was just how fucking lonely it feels

tbh maybe lonely isn't the right word. helpless? hopeless?

When i first realized it i was in high school, and i didn't really make a big deal out of it at the time since it didn't affect my life a lot in particular-- i had a lot of other personal crap going on and the person who made me realize it ended up graduating anyway. i kind of just viewed it as a fact about me more than anything else, the same way my favorite color is a fact about me. Which is a privilege of course, i didn't really come out to anyone aside from close friends who were also out to me, but i did grow up in a pretty accepting area and was lucky enough to not particularly have internalized a shit ton of homophobia by then. but now that it's actually having a tangible impact on my life that view has definitely shifted to a more negative one.

for context, i think i've fallen a little in love with one of my close friends/roommate over the past couple of months. we've been pretty good friends for a bit over a year now, though only started rooming together at the start of this semester. he's a really great listener- sometimes he will just walk up and ask what i'm watching/doing on my laptop and let me ramble at him for however long about whatever niche interest is currently occupying my attention, he makes time to spend w/ me even if it's very spontaneous, i'm a little obsessed with his laugh/smile, and god he's so fucking smart i think it's insane. and sometimes when he's letting me infodump on him or we're just sitting together doing whatever i just get the urge to hug him or ask to cuddle and it's kind of ridiculous. I recently just got back from a fall break trip that he ended up backing out of and there was a day I was exploring the city by myself just kind of wishing he had been there with me.

issue is, aside from the obvious one, is that he is straight as hell

I'm out to him and he's very chill with it (not that I'd even be friends with him if I knew he wouldn't be), but god, what I don't really understand is how people deal with this. It's hard enough finding someone who likes you back even when your sexualities/genders DO align. i mean, it's not like things have gone perfectly with every girl i've been into up until now. And generally speaking, people are more likely to be straight than not, because... we are a minority lol. The argument often made by, say, homophobic parents of bi children is, just date women (or men, depending on who you are)! but you can't really help who you want, right? being bi in general isn't even a 50/50 split to begin with the same way all sexuality can be fluid, and it's very possible and even probable that i do lean more this way than the other (frankly it's not like i've dated enough to know). And i'm of course aware that things like dating apps and queer communities do exist, but it's not that easy to get over someone just like that, especially since i find it really difficult being into someone if I'm not already friends w them/know i get along w them well as a person first as opposed to seeking out this kind of connection on an app of some kind

so it's times like these where, as much as i've gotten out of the friendships i've made through queer communities (like on campus for example), being Not Straight just really sucks, not even necessarily because of homophobia (either from others/internalized) but simply because it's that much more miserable knowing that someone, even though they make you really happy, would never be able to view you that way, and sometimes i feel like it'd just be easier if i were straight the same way i wish i were taller, or my teeth were whiter, or other similar inconveniences that i can't change. i'll see other couples posting from trips they did together, or for national boyfriend day, or whatever, and it's just that feeling of one day, he'll be doing the same thing with someone he loves and i won't have any part to play in that, because i'll just be watching distantly online wishing it could've been me instead.

and of course it doesn't really help that i really struggle with making friends and am not socially perceptive at all and am often mentally hung up on small social interactions, him being no exception (quite the opposite actually, in general he shows slightly less emotion in conversation than the average person), so a lot of the time i'm stuck wondering whether he really even likes me as a friend at all or is just putting up with me for the sake of politeness.

Anyways. obviously this will pass (i think? regardless of the fact that it usually takes forever for me) but it still just fucking sucks and makes me wish i didn't have to deal with it at all

[sparkles-and-trash]

*You, the innocent and foolish person you are, scroll through your tumblr asks not expecting a thing, when suddenly, the screen goes bright white, blinding you. When you blink your eyes open, you understand the meaning behind the existence of this ask. Your brother form a different family had contacted you, from a different time ans space entirely, and you realize... magic exist.*

*Excited more than in your birthday mornings, you read the text*

Hello!

I have searched my ao3 bookmarks for you, my friend, and here is what I came up with. You;ll have to excuse me, because your demands were quite strict and most of these aren't going to hold on all of them, and pretty much more than half of my collection is krbk or baku-centric. But it's okay. Royalty like you should have such high standards.

First, let me suggest to you the must-haves!

Quirk: Knife! by brightredwings. It isn't a ship fic but it does include most of what you listed. Unfortunately, it has the whole Aizawa adopting Shinsou thing but honestly it also includes other characters and it's all slowburn so I don't think you'll mind. It's very long but very, very good. It's another vigilante kinda-fucked-up-in-the head Midoriya fic but it's one of the first I read and it's worth it :)

Call him Cupid by spookyswan. It's a Monoma/Aoyama story! (this was written before the... you know, if you read the manga) It also has some Kaminari/Shinsou! Sometimes you just need to read a rare-ship fanfic... It's very sweet and you should give it a go!

Building a Family: Through Less Than Legal Means by PastelGlitterPen. It has Yamada/Aizawa, which I'm not really sure if you're into, and it has Shinsou getting adopted-- but that's kind of the point of the fic. It's a cute sibling Midoriya, Toga and Shinsou with vigilante/hit-men parents and they're all a few years younger than they are in canon. It's pretty cute.

Mission Parameters Unclear by Vridelian. A Dabi/Hawks fic, wow! They attend UA together and it's very sweet! enemies to friends yadda yadda you should check it out!

TOKOYAMI’S JOURNAL OF PURE DARKNESS (Read at your own risk) by TheWanderers. Tokoyami-centric. Slow updates but it's just *chefs kiss* wholesome and great! Funny stuff surrounding an underrated character.

I didn't realize just how... many. krbk fics I'll have. So I'm obligated to show you my favorite. Don't worry I'll pick ones that are either not ship-centric or that are just very, VERY good, imo!

An Abundance of Penguin Shit by vixensheart. It's long and unfinished but the writing is just so... you don't understand. It's so good. I get bored easily of canon complain fics, especially in high-school. So here they are all grown up, non-quirk and work in an aquarium. It's pretty much very, wholly krbk but you get to learn about animals too??? It's very good and I literally think about it everyday. More than canon, pretty much. Also the rest of this writers fanfics are just as great. very sweet/hurt-comfort and Bakugou's swearing is funny. I beg of you, at least read the first two chapters (yes that's like 20k words but *gets shot*)

*revives, because I'm immortal* The Power of Friendship by deviance. Bakugou makes friends that don't annoy him :) and look at that, it's not really bakusquad based. Haven't read it all but of what I did is great. Gives screentime to the characters who wouldn't otherwise. krbk isn't the main storyline.

Huh. I guess that first one just raises the bar so much for me that I don't have anything else to show you. There are many, but some I fear you might not like and I want you to think I'm cool and stuff.

There are... so many more things I want to tell you but this had been long enough!! And I'll have to tell you in another ask, if you want it. With that said, recommendations, preferably from ao3, are appreciated! I like, as you can guess, kiribaku. haha I also like erasermic, platonic/queer-platonic bkdk, Sero/Kami, any w/w ship honestly cuz we need some. and honestly? some gen bakugou or midoriya is cool too. Please no smut or anything, well anyways!

*the screen turns black, making you confused. When it turns on again, you realize... the power of friendship. Magic is real! And the sky is your limit*

PS. (*AKA a message pops up on your screen, interrupting your whatever is the opposite of a life crisis*) I'm not fucking rereading this shit again so sorry if there are typos and all that. Bye bye now! And sorry it's so long <3

I am losing my mind at all of these amazing recs, I'm gonna be sustained for weeks!!

Brethren thou hath saved me from the tragic demise of searching for fics in the am!

Wanna see some of my favs?? SIKE U GET THEM ANYWAY heheh

Fear of You, by @sleepwalkersqueen

DabiHawks, up until now it's been focused on Hawks and his father, there are Graphic Descriptions of Violence and lots of trauma, but it's also funny, heartwarming and all around amazing! But please read the tags before you go on!

My favorite fic of all time, amazing amazing worldbulding and characters, lots of fan art and comics to go with it, just perfect.

A Path To Recovery, by whathappenedbro

Shoto centric, lots of amazing found family, 1A bonding, Erasermic being dads, and some Tododeku in later chapters!

An Exposé on Childhood Trauma: Hawks Edition, by whathappenedbro

Similar to PoR, but with focus on Hawks! There's only a few chapters so far, but I love it sm, I love seeing the pro's being friends and just... yeah. Also some good erasermic here!

Sweater Weather, by crispykrimi

a Tododeku and Krbk centric series with 10 amazing parts, it's mostly just oh so sweet!

Okay cringe, but I also wrote a DabiHawks college roommates thing, it's called;

(every sky is) Your Own Kind Of Blue

and it's basically just a silly and fluffy roommates to lovers!

I'm also writing The Upheaval AU as a series on here, and I also have a bunch of fics in progress for that, but some of those will include smut, so check the tags before you read!

I would love to talk more, but I literally got to run to my parents' house for dinner, lmao, so yeah, I hope you like some of these, and thanks so insanely much for your recommendations!!!!!

[softtrobed]

hm would you write a fic about annie coming out to jeff? i love their friendship and brother/sister relationship :)

thank you so much for this request! i honestly got a bit emotional writing this. annie coming out to jeff is something that can honestly be so personal...

there's some focus on annie coming out to other members of the study group, but it does mainly focus on her and jeff. i hope that's okay :)

Annie had decided to come out to her friends in the same way she tended to do most things: efficiently and beginning by making a list.

Well, she supposed the most efficient way would be to come out to all of them at the same time, but this way would be more effective in the long run. She knew they’d all have very different reactions, different questions to ask, different levels of surprise, so if they all found out at once, most likely no one’s questions would get answered (not just the ones she would politely ignore), the group would start talking over each other, someone would yell at Pierce and it would almost be forgotten what the point of the conversation even was. This way, although it would take longer, everyone would hopefully be satisfied.

She told Troy and Abed first. That was the easiest, as because the two were a couple, she had no doubt they’d be accepting. Additionally, in the time they’d lived together, she had a feeling they’d already picked up on some of her not-so-straight behaviours: the girl-crushes she formed on the pretty women in the movies they watched together and her disinterest or non-romantic affection towards the men she knew she was ‘supposed’ to swoon over; the way she giggled and twirled her hair while on the phone with a certain girl from Greendale she’d recently reconnected with; the one time she didn’t delete her search history from the apartment computer and Abed may or may not have seen her recent searches, which included among others, ‘am I gay test,’ ‘comphet meaning’ and ‘can you be straight but think girls are really pretty and rarely have long lasting feelings for men?’

She’d come out to them over breakfast one day, and they basically had the best response she could have wished for. They were totally cool with it, but didn’t make it a big deal. They joked about how she was no longer the token straight roommate, she hugged both of them, and the day went on as normal.

Annie had crossed their names off her list with a big smile on her face.

Next had been Britta. Annie had also guessed that she’d be accepting, as what had happened with Paige last year had been a bit misguided but well-intentioned. At least Annie didn’t have to worry about Britta only wanting to be her friend because she was a lesbian, because they were already friends, and Annie suspected Britta had learned her lesson.

As expected, Britta reacted well. Perhaps too well, loudly proclaiming her supporting for the LGBTQ community before asking a string of questions about what it was like dating girls and if kissing them was different if you were sobre and/or not doing it to prove you weren’t homophobic. Annie explained she didn’t know - she actually hadn’t kissed a girl yet - but did wonder if Britta’s questions weren’t just due to her being an ally. She could be wrong, but she had read something about queer people having a way of spotting each other. Still, it wasn’t her place to assume anything, and she put the thought out of her mind as she crossed off Britta’s name.

Next was Jeff. This was a bit trickier. Once again, she didn’t think Jeff would be at all homophobic (unless he turned out to be one of those men who only viewed relationships between women as hot, but she’d cross that bridge if she came to it), but coming out to him made her nervous for another reason. Ever since they’d kissed at the Transfer Dance, his feelings for her had seemed unclear. At first, he’d seemed determined to forget it ever happened - which she’d found unfair at the time, but now appreciated - but lately, it was possible he had actually become interested in her. It felt… really weird, when she thought about it for too long. Not only was she definitely not interested in him, but, partially due to their age gap, their relationship felt too close to a father-daughter or older brother-younger sister relationship to be romantic. Sometimes she wondered why she’d ever liked him like that at all.

Although, since she’d extensively researched what comphet was and realised that was undoubtedly what she’d been experiencing, she could understand a bit better she’d never really liked him to begin with, she’d just latched onto a seemingly unattainable man to convince herself she could be attracted to guys, yet again.

As everyone packed up their stuff to leave the study room, Annie remained seated. “Um, Jeff,” she said. “We’ve both got a free period now, right?”

“Right,” Jeff replied, not looking up from his phone.

“Would you mind if I talked to you about something?”

He looked at her curiously. “Yeah, sure.”

Troy, Abed and Britta had clearly all realised what was going on. Abed gave her a small, supportive smile, Troy gave a quick thumbs up, and Britta winked in a way Annie guessed was meant to be subtle, but no doubt everyone in the room saw.

“Come on, guys,” she said, ushering the others out of the room. “This sounds important, and private, and we’ve all got classes to get to.”

Shirley stopped, muttering that she’d forgotten a textbook, but Britta practically pushed her out of the door as Abed said in a deep voice, seeming to have taken the opportunity to act like a security guard, “Keep it moving.”

Annie smiled as she watched them leave, her friends dramatics a pleasant distraction from what she was about to do. She turned back to Jeff to see he’d put his phone down. Clearly, he knew this was serious. “So,” he said. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Annie opened her mouth, let out a squeak, then closed it. This was going to be difficult. Maybe she should have just come out to everyone at the same time, the consequences be damned. That way, she would have got it all over with at once.

“Annie, is everything okay?” Jeff sounded so genuine in his concern, a relatively rare sight. “You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you?”

“No, everything’s fine,” she assured him, finding her voice, but he didn’t look convinced. She took a deep breath. “I was thinking recently about that time we kissed.” He looked confused for a second. Didn’t he remember that night? Not that she cared, of course. “You know? During the dance at the end of our first year? I had just decided not to move to Delaware with Vaughn-”

“Right, right,” he cut her off. “I remember. Sorry, go ahead.”

“Thank you,” she said curtly. “So, I’ve been thinking about our kiss, and-”

Once more, he interrupted her. This was just getting annoying. “Annie, look, I know I’ve been giving… pretty mixed signals about my feelings for you, or if I even have any, but lately I’ve taken a good look at myself, and realised that it would never really feel right to be with you. For many reasons, none of which are your fault. It’s just that you’re much younger than me, and you often feel like a little sister to me - as well as a friend, of course - so I’m sorry, but-”

“Jeff.” Her firm tone silenced him.

There, she thought. How does it feel to be interrupted?

“I don’t want to be with you either!”

“Really?” he checked. “Because it wouldn’t be your fault if you did, I’m the one who needs to keep whatever feelings I have for you in check. Plus, I mean, I wouldn’t blame you…”

She rolled her eyes, but a smile began creeping onto her face. “I swear. I was going to say that I’ve been thinking about that kiss because of how, back then, I thought I really liked you. In a romantic way, I mean. But recently, I’ve realised that I just made myself think I liked you, even loved you. I wanted to convince myself I could be attracted to men, so just like with Troy in high school, I picked an unattainable - or so I thought - man. In his case: someone cool and popular who I thought would never notice ‘little Annie Aderal.’ With you, a cool, older guy who just saw me as a child.”

“Annie.” Jeff’s tone was serious but not annoyed. “Are you saying what I think you are?”

She nodded, her lips a thin line. “I’m a lesbian, Jeff. I really hope this doesn’t change things between us, although, honestly, knowing you don’t want to be with me is a big relief, because I was worried I’d break your heart or make things weird, but…” She paused. She was getting ahead of herself. “Well, have I made things weird?”

“Of course you haven’t! Thank you for telling me, that was really brave, especially if you thought I was still interested in you.”

“Thanks,” she said. She quickly added, “It’s not that I thought you’d react really badly. I don’t see you as someone who thinks he’s somehow entitled to any women he has feelings for, but still… I didn’t want to hurt you.”

He stood up, walking around to her side of the table, presumably to remove the physical and metaphorical distance between them, and gesturing for her to stand up as well, which she did. “You haven’t hurt me at all, Annie, I promise. I care about you, so much, even - no, especially - as a friend, and I just want you to be happy. Even if I was madly in love with you - which, thankfully, I’m not - I could never be upset at you, or anyone, for this.”

Annie could feel tears forming in her eyes. “Aww, Jeff!” She practically threw herself at him, wrapping him in a tight hug which he happily returned, laughing.

“Okay, we don’t have to make this all dramatic,” he said, but Annie was sure he sounded a bit choked up.

They came apart, smiling at each other for a few seconds before Jeff hesitantly reached out and gave her a pat on the head. “For old time’s sake,” he explained.

Annie had never felt happier while being given a head pat, which didn’t say much, she knew, but it was accurate, as she’d probably felt happier in general at some point in her life. Still, this was definitely in her top ten.

That night, she crossed off Jeff’s name, remembering the days she would doodle hearts as she wrote down his name, or paired her first and his last. This time, she instead drew a little smiley face. That was far more accurate, she thought. The thought of Jeff no longer made her heart flutter in her chest, but he made her smile, and she was more than happy with that.

[the-jennnster]

I just sat and watched Being Not Straight and, on the one hand, as someone who discovered asexuality and aromanticism in early high school and found a lot of reassurance with that knowledge, I'm so happy that more people are becoming aware of aro and aceness and speaking about it and making more resources available so that anybody else wondering about why they don't feel attraction doesn't feel so alone, but... On the other hand

I do want to talk about the aro and ace spectrums a bit more, because often when people talk about being aro/ace, they forget the "little to no" part of the definitions, and the fact that they are spectrums rather than just one singular identity that is defined by non-attraction

Cause here's the thing

I'm demisexual and lithromantic, which are on the asexual and aromantic spectrums

Demisexuality is one of the more known sublabels of ace-- it means that you need an emotional connection before you experience attraction, falling under the grey-asexual umbrella, which is basically all the ace labels where "yeah, sometimes I do feel attraction, but most of the time I don't." I figured out I was demi when I was fifteen, thanks to a Tumblr meme and a comic, and it gave me a new sense of understanding for why I never really experienced crushes in the traditional way. I had crushes, but most of them were either manufactured (ie: I picked someone that was viewed as attractive either by my classmates or what qualities I personally liked and decided "yup that's a crush") or developed over a long period of time on someone that I enjoyed being around and wanted to get to know further (falling into a grey area of crush/squish, because I've gone on to figure out that I,,, have a very hard time parsing the different kinds of attraction, especially romantic vs platonic, so I'm hesitant to call those feelings when I was younger "crushes" when I was perfectly satisfied to just,,, be around them as friends, but that's a Different thing)

And I suppose that brings me to lithromanticism

Lithromanticism is an aromantic identity, also known as akoiromantic, in which you experience romantic attraction but have no desire for it to be reciprocated and, in some cases, may feel the attraction fade upon reciprocation (often, in my experience and research, accompanied by a feeling of nausea). This, alongside most other aromantic identities, is not very well-known in the queer community, and it's an identity that I struggled to come to terms with for a long time. When I first figured it out, shortly after I figured out I was demi, I actually had a panic attack, because I thought it meant that I would be alone forever, trapped in a constant cycle of wanting to be with someone but never being able to actually be with anyone. After developing a crush on my best friend in high school and quietly nursing it to avoid ruining that relationship, my confession to them resulted in us talking about lithromanticism and how my feelings for them were largely happy just being left as-is, in a close friendship, but I felt immense guilt hiding that attraction from them. It's been a couple years since then, and I've gotten a lot more comfortable with calling myself lithromantic (which, if you're of a linguistic nature, you might recognize as being derived from the Greek word for "stone", referring to the more commonly discussed stone butch lesbians who avoid sexual reciprocation and instead derive pleasure from satisfying their partners), but it's still been something I've struggled with.

The intersection of these two identities places me in a unique position when it comes to my relationship with attraction and queerness. For as long as I've called myself demi, I've also called myself bisexual. But I'm also aromantic in a way that makes any "romantic" relationships I'm involved in far from ordinary. Because I am in relationships, actually. Two of them, because I'm also polyamorous. And I was exceptionally lucky to find partners that understand that my experience with attraction is atypical and love me regardless, but once again, there's a lot of guilt involved.

Because a lot of the time, when people talk about being aroace, they talk about how freeing and/or lonely it is to not need/desire a relationship, ignoring the aros/aces who not only desire those relationships, but are in them. In the past, I've been accused of being aphobic for "shipping" an aroace character, despite the fact that being in a relationship perceived as (somewhat) conventionally allosexual and alloromantic while still being aroace is my own lived experience, and to this day, I feel guilty, as if I'm undermining my own validity for speaking out about it or trying to make my own representation.

But, to be honest, I need to get that guilt off my shoulders, because the truth is:

I'm aromantic and asexual. I have two amazing partners that I do romantic and sexual things with (and experience romantic and sexual attraction to!!). Despite what you may have been taught, neither of these things make me less aro or less ace-- it just makes me different.

So to any of the other aros and aces who feel a strange mix of validation and guilt when people come out as aroace or discuss what its like, because you still feel those things, just not the same-- you're not alone. You can still be happy, whether it's on your own or in a relationship. You get to make the rules about how you navigate your relationships as an aroace person, nobody else.

[smallcrystals]

what are your favourite character/story tropes?

oh god, here we go

classic friends to lovers bc there is SO MUCH you can do with that, especially if you know your characters really well

enemies (to friends) to lovers when done right. i've read a few fair share of stuff where imo the relationship between the characters don't leave much room for any type of love to grow or that what they argue over doesn't seem to fit their character properly. but when it's done right, oh my GOD it's so GRRRR /pos

lovers to exes to best friends is also a favourite of mine which i don't think ppl tend to delve into that much. it's probably because people like writing ships they actually ship. while that is true for me, i also like writing relationships that don't work out. maybe i'm mean idk lmao (BUT THEYRE BFFS IN THE END COME ON)

friendship group of misfits, i love me a good group of friends that are just weird. in case you haven’t noticed, they're weird. they're weirdos. they don’t “fit in” and they don’t want to fit in. have you ever seen them without— (/c)

corrupted hero, especially if the villains are queer <3 i love a backwards arc and seeing a character completely lose their sense of morality. i don't like seeing it irl of course but when you can see a character change so horribly (probably bc their "good" life fucks them up so badly they are really left with no good choice) it's sometimes satisfying

mentor & mentee, i've always wanted a grown up to look up to and i have a couple(?) in my life right now that i appreciate a lot. but i love this trope when they both learn something from each other, mainly bc of their possible age/generational difference

morally grey characters, they're just so interesting??? seeing how their past and their environment impacts them as a person and what exactly led to the manner in which they make a certain decision is sometimes so heartbreaking and realistic, you know?

mutual pining/seemingly unrequited love, my friend jinx reminded me of this i can't believe i forgot, i will lay down my life for this, i will go down with this trope ITS SO GOOD

(queer) coming of age/queer awakening, i'm such a sucker for these 😭 they're so nice to read !!!! those moments of euphoria when the character is able to do what they've always wanted for themselves – can u tell i'm an empath lmao

(proper) miscommunication, because it's rarely ever done properly where the issue is an actual issue but no one is in the wrong/multiple ppl are in the wrong. all i can rlly say is write teens like teens. and i don't mean "write them like kids" or "write them like adults" i mean write them as if they are growing people, people who don't fully understand their emotions yet but know that not every situation has one person to blame. but that's a rant for another day lmao

popular kid x bookworm/(popular) nerd, everyone must know how insane i am for this one, it's so trashy yet 1) i've experienced it myself irl and 2) if done right without all the toxicity it can be a really cute read!! if people actually develop the characters properly and make them unique then maybe people would actually like it more idk (looking at you wattpad grrr)

royalty, specifically royals of colour. enough western white royals please. show me a kingdom with issues the place the kingdom inspired by has, show me culture and artistry. show me any religions and everything involved, the nuances and the exceptions, show me all of that

extroverted & introverted, with it's twists ! give me the twists and the complex characters !!!

introverted & introverted, because THEYRE SO CUTE PLEASE :((

cold exterior warm interior father, this is literally blaze sentry. LITERALLY my oc for flash's dad. he's a ceo and an architect who's been through a lot in the past but your opinion of him rlly changes when you see him interacting with his family, he's warm and loving and refers to his younger ones as "baby" :(

magical high school, because i'm me <333 this is such a guilty pleasure because i love learning about the world and the magic system. but i also wanna see more from it (mainly teens acting/being treated like teens but again i digress)

fixing relationships between siblings, this is probably bc of my relationship w my own brother but seeing issues between siblings (typically those of colour too) is nice to see finally. to have it developed and talked out and improved

so those are the ones i can think of at the moment!! there are so many i'm so sorry lol

honorary mentions!!!!

childhood friends to lovers, it's not smth i will write often but reading it? GIMME IT NOW. it's so warm and cute and just seeing them grow up :((( im AAAAAA

this might be an asian thing, but if the little age gap between the main character and their friend/partner (like a few months) and the older one likes taking care of the younger one, i love that <3 AND I ALSO LOVE IT when the younger one finally is like let me take care of you now >:(

crime aus, links in w corrupted hero ish, but you know, be gay do crimes !!! these idiots are always so smart and skilled and i always read this knowing i wouldn't be able to do half the shit they do

entire family is good looking, absolute classic, but make them all poc next time :)

futuristic/android aus, this is more of a recent enjoyment but there's so much you could do here !!! whether it be angst, friendship, romantic feelings, idk it's so cool!!!