#also on that emotional/mental breakdown. it is so accurate to see it as that too cuz the girls are 3 different reactions

[aria0fgold]

PREV TAGS FR!!!

Also can't get over the fact that by choosing two to survive and leaving one to be left behind, it really maximizes the loneliness of not only the devil but the girl that got left out. The devil is lonely but so is your own friend, it's the isolation and loneliness of being in a room with people yet feeling alone despite that. Especially if the people in that room are those you care about.

When it comes to those girls, it's an even worse feeling to see two of your friends hanging out together even more with you just standing at the background. Their self-esteem is already in tatters. Venus didn't think that Jupiter and Neptune sees her as a genuine friend, Jupiter keeps everyone at arms reach while lying to everyone and herself, Neptune keeps herself closed off while simultaneously being open to others in a contradictory way.

By choosing two and leaving one out, it makes them think worse than they already are. They'll start to think that no one really cares bout em but that's not true at all. In the yellow ending, Jupiter and Neptune stays by Venus' side on a tree branch with Jupiter even wanting to catch both of em should any of em fell off.

In the blue ending, Jupiter and Venus keeps trying to talk to Neptune even if she doesn't respond to them. In the red ending, Venus and Neptune stands watch beside Jupiter with Venus being attentive enough to move a candle away. They all care bout one another, it's just that God's world is unfair to only allow two when the devil allows three.

One of my absolute favourite thing bout this game though is the buildup to the True Ending. You first see the yellow, red, and blue endings, you came to know the devil too but you don't really "know" them at the same time. You think of the usual depictions of the devil, cruel and evil, you think that in those endings, the devil really is terrible.

Then you get to the true ending, expecting to still hear god in the radio but you're greeted with the devil literally just going "Oh, hi there." as if he wasn't expecting you in that channel at all. And it really was like smoke and honey, it really was too beautiful. She sounded like a mother long separated from her children and want nothing more than to get them back. She sounded like an old friend you lost touch with years ago and has been missing you all this time.

"The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it must miss us. It keeps begging to be let back, for us to let it in."

And it did. The devil spoke so gently in the radio, not even a hint of malice nor anger. It wasn't even threatening nor rushing them at all. It was just gentle, it was begging. The devil misses them. The devil is lonely. If all it can do is beg to be let back then beg it shall.

[aiura-stan]

I love the idea that Teruhashi might be thinking this. (I know she isn’t Teruhashi, but still.) It’s so outright aggressive and mean, instead of her more low key “Saiki should be obsessed with me!” thoughts as in canon proper, lol.

Also notable that the first mention of Saiki being markedly different from other people is here: “If a normal person heard them he would undoubtedly have a mental breakdown after three seconds.” Maybe it’s true, probably an exaggeration on Saiki’s part, but it definitely highlights that what he deals with, mentally, is on another level, and he is able to deal with it.

LMAO. this one made me laugh… it’s like yikyak but worse!! like yikyak but including things people wouldn’t even say on there, read out loud… phewww.

Saiki says his powers are “in the wrong” rather than peoples’ thoughts. However, the way he words the second part about how you can’t dress up what’s on the inside strikes me as odd. I was trying to think of the reasoning behind this sort of sentiment that Saiki expresses here, because it repeats later in the manga proper. And I think, it boils down to this incorrect assumption he has, that people’s thoughts are their true feelings. My guess on where comes from is probably either Kuniharu or Kuusuke, who both express a lot of resentment for him. In each of their cases, that really is how they feel, and they make no effort to change it, and there’s not a lot of positive emotion thrown in there either. At least as a child, Kuusuke spent a lot of time actively trying to hurt his brother. And Kuniharu probably did too, if we take all of the examples of him trying to get “revenge” on Kusuo into account.

So it never occurs to him at first that people might have intrusive thoughts, or have thoughts they don’t necessarily believe pass through their heads, or thoughts they ultimately challenge and thoughts that directly contradict their behavior.

Okay angsty rant over lol

‘nother thing that strikes me as funny, not in a good way this time… really now. I have never met a girl who was that jealous of another girl’s boobs. If anything, I’ve met girls who got them too young and wished they hadn’t because of teasing.

Maybe it’s a cultural difference, maybe it’s the fact that a male author wrote this who doesn’t really know (or care) about accurately depicting teenage girls’ concerns in a comedy… anyways.

I beg to differ Saiki… that IS an incredible tattoo and I want to see it… I want that tattoo.. haha. And who cares if some people are bald?? and trans people exist?? Saiki likes to complain about things that do not matter at all. I guess he probably feels like it’s a burden to keep other people’s secrets, or something. He is just a teenager after all.

tbh I kind of wish that Asou had kept this if only for dramatic effect

come on… look at this…

Sigh. I love examples of Saiki interfering with fate just to help someone.

Okay, that’ll do it for part one of this post. Part two in a bit. 💕

[ddarker-dreams]

Lock, what DO you love and like so much about Dostoevsky's work? I don't think you've ever talked about that. Please, I want to know !!!

^o^

(christianity mention jump scare below proceed with caution)

i thought this would be an easy to answer but figuring out how to put my feelings into words proved difficult .

the beginning is always a good place to start, so let's go with that. by chance, i happened upon this video on youtube and gave it a watch. about halfway in i decided i had to read notes from underground for myself. i struggled to understand what the narrator was trying to get across. the unique writing style, where the reader is addressed directly, as if in challenge, helped me preserve.

i think part of what makes his work special to me is his depiction of people. and they really do feel like people more than characters, even if some of their characteristics are unique to the era dostoevsky wrote in. everything else about them transcends time. i can see myself in some of them. whether it be the titular idiot, prince myshkin in his naivety; alyosha, who goes from devout to doubting; and ivan, whose bitterness toward religion masks his disappointment at the state of the world. 

that's why the brothers karamazov touched me in particular. for some context, i grew up in a christian household and was heavily involved in the church (american northeast white baptist strand of church). around when i was 11 or so, the introduction of left-wing politics through social media had me undergo a looooong identity crisis. these new ideas felt at odds with what i'd spent my entire life believing. what i grappled with the most relates to ivan's anecdote, the grand inquisitor, where the goodness of god is called into question. the bitterness, the disappointment from crushed expectations, all those sensations resonated strongly with me. reading it as an adult who (supposedly) 'healed' from that time period in my life was like opening pandora's box. i'd never seen my thoughts and struggles so accurately described, or treated with more than a 'his ways are higher than our ways' type platitude. i stuffed these concerns of mine away because they only ever served to make me feel worse.

i won't delve deep into the Depressing Lore. the only reason i mention it is to stress how profound an impact the work had on me. throughout the remainder of TBK (and in most of dostoevsky's discography), the best and worst of humanity is shown. our hypocritical nature, capacity for evil; nothing is shied away from or made more palatable. and yet, throughout it all, our potential for good is shown too. whether it be in the little acts or monumental self-sacrifice. sometimes those acts are honored, or ‘worth it,’ sometimes they aren’t. it’s cheesy but whatever i’ll say it — choosing to love and serve others is my greatest joy. i don’t really need a definitive answer to those problems i struggled with. that’s the takeaway i’ve had from his work. it might not seem like a big deal, but not feeling guilty for having certain doubts or anxious over those doubts never fully being resolved was. very significant for me. and healing (for real this time). 

so that’s the sentimental perspective GJSDLKFJS from my writer’s perspective, i can only describe him as brilliant. his grasp on the human psyche is incredible. he can accurately describe so many emotions, worldviews, and give the context necessary for each one to feel organic and real. it’s vivid, too, in a way i can’t properly get across. everyone’s unfiltered and messy. characters contradict themselves in the same sentence. they’ll murmur, go off on tangents, tell stories, misquote the bible (or many other significant works), and just be overall disasters. aka how people actually are. 

the man’s also funny as hell. the protagonist from crime and punishment has a mental breakdown spanning multiple pages over a sock. yes, there’s context, but that’s still the gist of things. then there’s the issue of the hedgehog in the idiot. hedgehog drama. 

ultimately, his work is so very human. there’s commentary on issues that are prevalent to this day, multiple centuries later. the topics he touches on tend to align with what i care about most. whether i agree or disagree with what i’m reading, there’s always something i glean from it. something meaningful that sits with me long after i close the book. i’ll mull over it and bother people in my vicinity until they mull over it too. no one is safe. whether it be a co-worker or my dad who drives noticeably faster to reach our destination and be free of my many questions.

i could keep going but this ended up being long enough GJSKDF i hope at least something here makes sense?>?? i apologize for the incoherent ramblings. it's what the dude does to me.

[yuseirra]

I've actually become really.. Even more confident with my hikaai analyses (until I get proven wrong..haha) hear me out on why I feel this way, okay?

In the latest chapter, it was revealed that Ai's boyfriend is someone who offers things for Ai, and falls into ruin because of it. He believes there is some kind of destiny for himself. That much, we can all agree with, huh?

If that’s the case, then "Fatal" is this person’s song.

In that case, I’ve already secured the basic points if this were a test, and now I’m just waiting to collect the extra points!

It’s not really about me trying to convince myself...this is really true!

From the start, I always predicted that Hikaru’s breakdown only happened after Ai’s death. The question was never whether he fell apart, but rather how much. He’s always been such an ambiguous character whose exact actions were left unclear.

I got this part right, and honestly, it was the most important part. It wasn’t this person who harmed Ai. (So actually, Aqua’s target for revenge is no longer this person. It’s easy to miss this since the story moves so quickly.)

It’s also confirmed that he was originally a genuinely good person. This part was validated when the god herself confirmed he had a noble and refined soul.

This means Hikaru is not the kind of person who falls into ruin just because something bad happens to him. It was Ai’s death that led to his downfall. In fact, considering everything this character has been through, this makes him closer to "kind," and his mental fortitude is incredibly strong. The idea of him being "noble" aligns well with this. So, ultimately, this confirms that the personality depicted in the flashbacks(the movie arc) is accurate to his true character.

If this is the case, it also explains why Ai liked him so much and wanted to save him, making everything fall into place.

Now, the only question that remains is whether he will actually be saved or if he will remain a terrible criminal. (And honestly, this is the same situation the character was in before the movie arc—it’s like we’ve come full circle. However, now there’s the added advantage of two key pieces of information: Ai wanted to save him, and he really was originally a good person.)

To be honest... I feel like we need to see how the character himself acts before we can properly judge him.

It’s similar to judging a real person.

I feel it’s still too early to jump to conclusions just from seeing a text that goes he's a terrible guy who's killed a lot of people. There hasn’t been a single image of him doing anything specific yet... So, while we can take it into consideration, it is only when we get more detailed flashbacks or scenes where the character himself expresses his own thoughts, that will likely confirm everything.

Given that everything I predicted so far has been right(I really, really did get so many things accurately), it feels highly likely that the story will go the way Ai hoped, with this character being saved.

I’ve been following closely, and I've noticed that even in his "ruined" state, this character still shows a lot of kindness. Plus, he’s an actor and just as much of a liar as Ai was, so you have to really pay attention to interpret him correctly. You can’t just believe what you see!

Right now, I’ve scored over 70 points out of 100 if this were to be a test, but I feel confident that I’ll end up with over 90.

Since we’ve already established that he didn’t hurt Ai and that Ai genuinely wanted to help him, this means there’s a strong narrative push in that direction, and my conclusions about the character are likely to be right, which makes me feel even more confident.

If "Fatal" really is this character’s song, then yes, the emotions in that song—desire, disappointment, despair—are definitely present.

But surprisingly, the song has much less selfishness or possessiveness than one might expect. So, I felt like it wasn’t such a bad kind of love, which is why I’ve depicted that couple so much.

It’s a love where you give and give, without expecting much in return. You just want to hear their voice, to catch their gaze, to have them comfort your pain again. The lyrics even mention that their "fatale" belongs to "no one". It’s a kind of selfless love where you want them so desperately that you can’t live without them, while offering up everything you have, but asking for so little in return. This is a very devoted love. If it were one-sided, it might feel overwhelming or creepy, but with Ai and Hikaru, it’s mutual.

If you look at Hikaru’s actions in Chapter 160 (his testimony is likely the truth, even if Tsukuyomi’s stated goal is real, that kind of motivation would only arise after Ai’s death.) It means this person didn’t have confidence that Ai loved him, so he desperately craved her love in this way. That makes it pitiful. He makes a pass to be Ai's lover, in my book. He seems like a good person. And I take love VERY seriously... haha... I believe love isn’t about receiving, but more about giving. It’s about giving without regret... The narrators of "Mephisto" and "Fatal" embody this a lot.

They don’t ask for much from the other person while giving everything they have. That’s the kind of love Ai’s boyfriend has. What he gives may be a question,(or questionable) but I doubt Ai would have failed to notice a guy capable of harming Ruby(their own daughter for goodness sake) or involved in serial killings... haha. Plus, if he’s described as once having been "noble", a person like that probably wouldn’t cross that final line. Ruby didn't, and I find Ruby having taken after his character quite a bit, they make the same expressions. There’s a higher chance he kept his boundaries intact.

Things will unfold the way Ai wanted them to. The things this person has actually done are quite different from what’s been said about him.

He’s not someone who acts strongly or aggressively—he’s too gentle for that. It’s not that he’s pretending to be kind while having a foul heart; rather, I see he’s pretending to be dark when he’s actually not, which is why his true nature shows through.

It’s true that Ai found and fell in love with a genuinely good person, and they had a period where they were happily together. So I can already see the story heading towards him being saved after being broken by her loss. Ai wants to save the boy who's been deeply suffering and is straying far off after what's happened to her. That's the narrative the story is heading towards, it's the most natural path and I see it coming. Ai is right. She found someone REALLY sweet and he got destroyed, so she wants to help him get back to the way he was.

I’ve gotten the overall structure right, and now I just need to collect the extra points :)

[newlabournewromantics]

did you guys know tony blair actually wrote supercut by lorde?

this is dedicated to @tonyblairwitchproject thank u for enabling me

the process of putting together a supercut, of rewriting and reimagining an (artificially) positive version of a particular storyline, is eerily similar to what tony blair does in every aspect of his life. this is especially noticeable when it comes to his relationship with gordon though — he rarely goes into detail as to just how ugly their interactions were, and his public statements about why they grew apart are always imbued with soulless language about “professional” and “political” disagreements, rather than any honesty about the deep personal betrayal that was actually going on. plus, whenever tony does express any sense of anguish over the breakdown of the relationship, he’s always incredibly quick to defend his own behaviour (denying granita even happened… what the hell), erasing any responsibility he might bear. he is LITERALLY creating and playing a supercut, one which only has any traction in his own head.

journalists have written about new labour in 1997 being drenched in a certain magic, offering the public something to believe in. ���gave” is past tense though, as the tbgb relationship began to deteriorate just months after getting into government, and newlab’s popularity would only dwindle as the years went on.

remember that one clip in the gq alastair campbell interview where tony refused to say he didn’t dream about gordon? yeah i remember it too, isn’t that funny!

two things to say here. one, tony can’t reach for gordon because they are not on speaking terms like whatsoever not even remotely. two, i truly think that tony has repeated his own version of events concerning gordon, both in his head and in public, so many times that he’s come to view them as reality — even if tony did interact with gordon properly, he would only be able to see the version of gordon that he’s created.

1994-2005 (ish), they wanted to reconcile and ease the tensions, but external pressures (teams around them, pressures of the jobs, emotional blockages etc) prevented them from truly fixing anything.

Tthese lyrics give me the impression that the speaker would twist themselves into any shape, fashion themselves into any persona, just to hold the attention of the person these lines are directed at. Very much reminds me of accounts re the 1994 leadership discussions, where it’s said that tony was promising gordon anything and everything to get him to swing behind him, then making similarly wild promises about succession later in government just to keep gordon playing the game. Also, it reminds me of that absolutely fucking awful (positive) rawnsley quote that goes something like “tony would cajole, plead, argue, rail against gordon”, just to get him to talk to him.

in my head, this section relates to his immediate post-pmship period, where he’s taking on international roles left and right to try and recreate the pure magic of newlab (and ultimately failing! lets’s not be dishonest here).

THIS IS THE MOST TONY BLAIR SET OF LINES IN EXISTENCE!!! PAY ATTENTION HERE!!!!!!!

first line relates to the nonsense (very sensible accurate analysis) i was spinning about tony rewriting his and gordon’s history, erasing his own culpability and capacity for TREACHERY! the lines about calling… such an obvious parallel with the infamous three hour phone calls, the “endless circular conversations”, the screaming fits down the telephone line…….

another dreaming reference? more likely than you’d think

this outro, although repeating lines i have already covered is actually very important to cover separately. the way that it just repeats itself, over and over and over and over, until the song finishes is actually incredibly aligned to tony’s mentality when it comes to tbgb. as i said earlier, i truly think that tony has repeated his own narrative regarding the way that he treated gordon — and his responsibility for how their relationship played out — enough times to view it as reality. he is insane and i understand him like nobody else.

[cecekeating]

My 608 Jordayla thoughts/breakdowns Pt 1

This season, I have followed Layla/Jordayla closely to see how the writing was going to tackle the mental health arc. As someone who has battled depression and anxiety for nearly a decade, Layla Keating’s story has been the one arc on All American that has validated my experience and made me feel seen. Every writing decision has been made with so much care and compassion in way that people struggling with mental health issues feel seen, heard and understood. So I started this season laser focused on the mental health arc and I am happy to say, the writers have not let me down.

From the minute Jordayla got engaged, I knew the writing was going to bring up Layla’s mental health issues again. I also knew it would be tied to her mother. It makes sense as she is a young woman who is engaged to be married. I had some rough theories in my head but I was not prepared for how the writers eventually went about the mental health arc and the connection to Monica Keating. 

I am sharing some of my random thoughts/ breakdowns and hopefully, I am able to communicate without mindless rambling. So let’s get into this shall we?

Right at the top of the episode we see Layla at the therapist’s office. So we know that she has taken the option of seeing a therapist from the options Jordan researched for her in episode 607. Shoutout to Mama Laura Baker for coming through with the recommendation. Layla is nervous- understandably. The therapist tries to bring up the engagement but Layla is obviously not here to go into that. She just wants a session to help her wean off her meds completely. She loves Jordan and he is literally the only the thing going great in her life right now. She is so protective and defensive of what she has with Jordan and it is the sweetest thing ever. However we need to look at the subtext and unspoken words in that scene. There is something about the engagement that she does not want to talk about. She is protective of the engagement alright but there is still something that she is unwilling to open up about. It is almost as if she is triggered. The therapist clocks it quickly and suggests a specific treatment. Layla agrees, as long as they are not picking apart her engagement to Jordan. As a viewer, I am wondering, what is it about this engagment that Layla is so protective and defensive about? If there is nothing going on, surely, she will be open to the sessions picking apart the engagement. 

The next scene sort of answered my question.

We see Layla coming to spend time with Jordan at the beach house and almost immediately, the audience is given a glimpse of what is going on in Layla’s head. She asks about Simone. Did Simone do anything wrong that made Jordan leave her? Why did Jordan propose? So we now know that Layla harbours a fear that Jordan will leave her. Initially as I watched this scene for the first time, I was assuming that the fear was rooted in her abandonment issues. She lost her mom, her father was absent and she had two boyfriends leave her. This fear that Jordan will leave her is 100% valid. Jordan, thrown off by the question, tries to answer as honestly as he can. He is confused as to where this is coming from but he is able to control his emotions to allow Layla safely express herself. Then she asks again, if he gets tired of caring for her to which Jordan answers confidently, “Not at all, never”. When I watched this for the first time, I felt so seen. I cannot tell you the amount of times I refused to allow family and friends help me because I felt I was a burden to them because of my depression. I have spoken to other people who struggled with depression and this was the same experience. We all felt talking about our depression would be too much for our loved ones and friends to handle and we just decided to handle it all on our own. A big thank you to the writing team for portraying this aspect of living with mental health issues so accurately. By the end of this scene, we now know that Layla is afraid Jordan might leave her and she worries that she might be a burden to him. But there is also a subtext to this scene: How safe Layla feels with Jordan. She felt safe enough to ask a very uncomfortable question to Jordan about their engagement. She was safe enough to express, through her questions, that she is scared and having some doubts about their relationship. She trusted that she would ask those questions and Jordan will answer. And Jordan answered her questions.

We see this safety carried over to the bedroom scene. Layla is safe enough to make fun of Jordan and tease him about Mac. I loved that even in the heaviness, Jordan and Layla still have their moments to be light and funny with each other. Episode 606 told us Layla felt safe with Jordan, this episode showed us how safe she was with Jordan. This scene while short and sweet also had its own subtext relating to Jordan. When Layla comes into bed with him ( this felt and looked so married of them by the way), he asks her if she still wants to talk about Simone/therapy. The questions she asked earlier threw him off and now he is a bit nervous. Again, he is able to hide it well but when I watched this scene, I knew he was a bit worried about Layla asking those questions.

The next time we see Layla, she is back with the therapist. I will be sharing more thoughts and breakdowns in the next part of this post. 

[kurishiri]

15 . . . main story

— this translation may not be 100% accurate or may contain creative liberties. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost or claim these as your own!

— cw: mental breakdowns.

Around the time when the darkness of the night consumed the sky, we stood beneath the gas-lit lampposts of London.

Kate: So, this is the place where the auction will take place.

Elbert: That’s right...

The venue where the auction, hosted by Mister Bernard, would take place was a luxury hotel that was just recently built.

(It is a place someone like me doesn’t often come by...)

(...but for an auction that is selling illegally obtained goods, it’s quite a dignified place...)

(I believe William mentioned that it was connected to the leaders of England, so a lot of deals and transactions could be done illicitly.)

Elbert: ...Kate.

E: On the surface, this will be a relatively normal salon party...

E: ...so, I don’t think the people of the Company will harm the attendees.

E: But please stay close to me.

His arms wrapped around my lower back, making my heart sweetly throb.

Kate: Alright, and that goes for you, too, Lord Elbert.

K: If you ever start to feel uncomfortable or unwell, please tell me.

I made it clear through my words that I had remembered the time at the other party when Lord Elbert had been touched so directly that it made his face pale.

Elbert: ......I’ll be fine.

(...I thought he’d answer like that.)

It was clear from his answer that he couldn’t promise that he wouldn’t hurt himself, and I gave him a bitter smile in return.

We entered the venue upon being guided by a manager.

Within the brightly illuminated hall, there were light foods and alcohol scattered around, and more and more people started to gather.

Kate: There’s a lot of people here...

Elbert: You’re right... it seems that the amount of ‘collectors’ in the country has increased more than I had thought.

(I wonder just how many attendees here... know that the goods were obtained through illegal means.)

(Or that this organization also does human trafficking.)

(Or that innocent people like Daisy were sacrificed in the shadows...)

When I looked at the people jubilantly smiling among the grand decor, a dreary feeling flooded my heart.

(No matter if they knew or not...)

(Regardless, that doesn’t change the fact that there is such a large amount of people here who supported these evil deeds.)

And, there were probably just as much people who were victims to the organization like Daisy, and I just didn’t know about them.

Elbert: ...Kate.

Kate: ...! Yes?

Elbert: You just have to look at me, and me alone.

Kate: Eh...?

Elbert: We will buy the blue diamond at the auction.

E: And the top of the Company will probably show himself then, with the transaction contract. We should be able to meet him then.

E: I’ll take care of the mission somehow, so...

When Lord Elbert explained the mission so matter-of-factly, a small smile suddenly played on his lips.

Elbert: So, please... don’t just think about things that are hard to bear.

E: You can just, look at me.

(...Could it be...)

(...he knew that I was thinking about the Company and Daisy...?)

(I’m sure Lord Elbert is feeling a lot of things in a place like this, too...)

But he was still considerate toward me, trying to distract me from my own negative emotions, and I felt my chest tighten.

(His kindness really... truly, knows no bounds.)

Kate: I will...I always will, Lord Elbert.

(...so that you can realize your own sadness and suffering.)

Elbert: ...Mn.

(Ah... come to think of it,)

(It looks like there is nobody approaching Lord Elbert anymore...)

Usually, there were gazes of appreciation and murmurs of admiration directed toward Lord Elbert,

but seeing that there weren’t such people here, I let out a sigh of relief.

Male guest: The blue diamond... I would really like to see it.

Female guest: Hehe, I wonder who will be the lucky one to get their hands on it.

It seemed tonight’s collectors were crazy about the blue diamond.

(In order to meet the top of the Company, Gabriel Bernard,)

(we, too, need that blue diamond.)

Kate: ...I hope, everything goes smoothly.

Elbert: That... won’t be a problem.

E: If it’s something that can be bought with money, all we have to do is pay its price.

—— Time skip ——

The air was chilly in the windowless room, and greed seemed to swirl around like a whirlpool.

Auctioneer: And next up, we have a necklace which was owned by a certain historical great! We’ll be starting this one off at three thousand pounds!

Historical items, paintings that looked as though they had been stolen from an art museum, an exotic white tiger...

As many beautiful things were brought up to the stage one after another,

the ‘collectors’ raised their paddles with their numbers written on it high into the air.

And as though the pieces on stage were being swallowed up by their greed, they were bought off, one after another.

(Really... how did they get their hands on all of this...?)

I started to feel down when I imagined ways they obtained these items — ways I had no chance knowing. But each time I did so, I would encourage myself otherwise.

(Right now, I have to focus on the mission.)

(Because, whether we are able to put an end to their evil deeds once and for all hinged on whether we could catch Gabriel Bernard by the tail.)

The greed and excitement soon escalated within the venue——

Until, at last, the special showcase was displayed.

(That’s...)

Auctioneer: This is the illusory treasure — our most greatest one too — the blue diamond! This one starts at ten thousand pounds!

(T-ten thousand!?)

Even the salary of those who work at a high end bank, which was around two thousand pounds at most a year, paled in comparison to this.

(After all, it’s 5 times their salary... and that’s the starting price.)

The price was in such a different league that it didn’t seem real.

Elbert: ......

Amid the voices reverberating in the venue, Lord Elbert steadily raised his paddle.

(...H-how are we going to pay for this...)

(Maybe Victor can withdraw money from the national treasury...? Or does Lord Elbert have enough funds to pay for it...?)

It’s not as though I’m the one paying for this, yet I can’t help but panic.

Auctioneer: We have bids at ten thousand! Is there anyone who wants to bid 10,500? That’s 10,500 pounds!

Several peoples’ paddles lowered.

Auctioneer: 10,600! That’s 10,600 pounds...!

More peoples’ paddles lowered.

Auctioneer: Ten thousand... seven hundred!

As the price continued to increase, the number of paddles that stayed up decreased in turn.

Gentleman attendee: ...Hey now, just how much higher is the price going to increase...

Madam attendee: The price of that blue diamond right now could buy a whole castle.

When the price exceeded 20,000 pounds, I could feel the people’s excitement in the venue seem to scorch into my skin.

The blue diamond was resting atop a dark blue velvet cloth, glittering beneath the spotlight.

Tanned man: ...29,000!

Auctioneer: W-we have a bid at 29,000...! Is there anyone else...!?

Elbert: ......

There were only two people left who had their paddles raised in the air.

The first was Lord Elbert, and the other was a man who appeared to be a merchant with tan skin, jewels adorning his attire.

Whether it was out of fear or excitement, the man’s breathing grew more haggard, in contrast to Lord Elbert, who was so quiet, he may have been devoid of life or vitality.

Elbert: ...30,000 pounds.

His voice was smooth as he continued holding his paddle up, and the whole venue gasped in surprise.

Auctioneer: T-that’s 30,000 pounds...! Going once, going twice...

Tanned man: Gh...

The man who looked like a merchant looked frustrated, and his hands that had his paddle raised started to shake.

Then, as if having given up, he slowly lowered his paddle.

At that moment, the sound of a wooden mallet reverberated in the room.

Auctioneer: And, sold! This illusory treasure, the blue diamond now belongs to the count for 30,000 pounds...!

At first, silence filled the room. And then, loud cheers suddenly burst out.

At that very moment, the blue diamond, expensive enough to send fear through me, was Lord Elbert’s.

Kate: W...we... did it...

(I still honestly can’t believe how expensive it got... it’s almost surreal.)

Elbert: Indeed... but this is only the start.

(...Hm? Wait a minute.)

Lord Elbert had now obtained the blue diamond, which was said to be the most beautiful thing in the world.

And yet, his profile showed no reaction — none at all. It made me remember the uneasiness I had felt.

(Because, this blue diamond would be sought out by everyone for its ‘beauty.’ And now, Lord Elbert has that.)

(But, unlike when he had got the ‘painting of the sea’... he didn’t look happy at all.)

Kate: Lord El—

When I tried to call out to him, though, the people around us stood up from their seats before flooding toward Lord Elbert, gathering around him.

Blushing noblewoman: I would expect no less from you, Lord Elbert!

Excited elder nobleman: To be able to get your hands on that illusory treasure... for someone your age, that’s quite a feat!!

Kate: Wah...!

When the wave of people started closing in, I stood up from my seat in a panic, and in an instant I was thrown out of the circle surrounding him.

Elbert: ...Kate—?

Kate: ...! Lord Elbert—

I could hear Lord Elbert’s voice from beyond the wall of people, but before I knew it, I could no longer see his figure.

(Oh no, the main part of the mission starts here... what should we do?)

Kate: Uhm... Sorry, could you please let me through...

I tried to squeeze my way through the throng of people, but everyone was caught up in excitement, so they didn’t bother to open a path for me.

(And also, Lord Elbert won’t be able to move with this many people around... lest he accidentally step on someone’s shadow.)

(Should I, wait for them to disperse on their own...?)

???: Excuse me. Could you perhaps be... Lady Kate?

When I turned around upon suddenly hearing my name, a young man who appeared to be a worker was standing before me.

Worker: I was told to bring you, Lady Kate, and Count Greetia to the VIP room.

Worker: However, it appears Lord Elbert is currently occupied... so would it be alright if I led you in first?

(VIP room... Mister Bernard will surely be waiting for us there.)

(If that’s case, it might be better to reconvene there than to struggle through this crowd.)

(This person might also be a member of the Company... but he shouldn’t make any reckless moves against the client who bought their special showcase item.)

Worker: I will bring the count in a little later.

Kate: ...Alright, I understand. Then, could you tell Lord Elbert that I’ll be leaving first please?

Worker: Yes, of course. Well, please come this way.

—— Neutral POV ——

Elbert: Could you... please move away?

Excited madam: To think you now have that illusory treasure in that hands, as expected of Lord Elbert!

Petite gentleman: When you officially receive the blue diamond, could you perchance allow me to touch it, for just a moment!?

Elbert: Please... move aside.

E: Coming through—

Pushing down the displeasure from the peoples’ excitement, voices, and gazes,

Elbert desperately looked around toward the direction Kate had disappeared to.

Elbert: ...!

Just then, within the throng of people, he spotted a lock of her hair from the corner of his eye.

Next to the door, she was talking with a man he’d never seen before.

Elbert: Kate—

When he tried to call her name,

she followed the man out of the door.

Elbert: ......Huh?

Manager: Count Greetia, Bernard would like to see you, so please, if you could come inside... Count?

Elbert: ...Move aside.

It was then he moved from where he was standing, trying his best to push through the crowd.

Excited madam: Oh, where could you be heading off to...

Excited madam: Eh, w-what is this—

Petite gentleman: Count...? Ugh... w-what, is this... a-aahh, no way...

The people among the throng who had reached out to him first were now backing away, their hands in their heads.

With each step he took, the faces of the people around him, originally having contained a crazed excitement, were now painted over with sadness.

Elder gentleman with a mustache: Gh... I’m sorry... I’m so sorry, please forgive me——

Noblewoman in a frill dress: N-no... it’s not my fault, it’s not my fault...!!

Some broke down crying, while others shouted from the top of their lungs,

and, as if they were trying to run away from their sadness, they opened a path for Elbert.

Manager: W-where could you be heading to?

At the strange scene unfolding before him, the manager tried to restrain him.

Elbert: What is, behind that door over there?

Manager: Eh? A-ah... umm, it’s the backyard...

Elbert: Backyard...

Manager: Count? Please wait, I need you to sign the transaction contra—

Elbert: I don’t care.

E: I couldn’t care less about, something like that.

The crying, the shouts, and the manager’s faltering—

Elbert left it all behind him as he left the venue.

——From a higher level, a single man looked down at the scene below intently.

???: Ahh... what a truly beautiful sight...

???: This is surely it——this must be a work of art made by the hands of the gods...!

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˗ˏˋ full masterlist ´ˎ˗ 🍎✨

🏷️: @magicalkoo @complexivelovely (leave a comment, send an ask, or dm me saying you want to be added to the tag list if you want to be tagged!)

[dearinglovebot]

Not really a question just wanted to say love your blog a whole lot!!

This may be a weird semi question but is it weird that I find the raptor/handler lady as great mutism/selective mutism/ disabled rep? Like to me what makes her fascinating is how she does not say a word and feels closer to her animals cause for me I feel more close to my animals then anyone else and shut down and go mute sometimes. Like the is cool as a villain because we can’t really read her. I know in general disabled folks are put as the villains but to me she’s not really a villain? Like I’d find her offensive if we didint see more of HER as the show goes on, I see her as like an anti hero, hero of her own story. Idk maybe I’m yapping about nothing but she’s been my fav human Jurassic villain and also a cool representation and it makes her more badass

aweee thank you ❤️❤️

this got long I’m sorry. TLDR; it’s never weird to find characters relatable. it’s beautiful. the handler is my girlfriend who I love dearly but, for me, she’s not someone I consider mutism *representation* quite yet. open to having s2 rock my world with her tragic backstory though

honestly, there’s layers to it in my eyes. it’s like: are flamboyant villains used to mock queerness? yeah. will I still say they served amongst my fellow gays? yes. do I think they’re good representation to the wider public? absolutely not.

i don’t think it’s weird at all to love her and feel kinship in her. i like what we’ve seen of her so far. she’s fascinating in how little we know about her or her motivations. I hope she continues to girlboss her way across the world and strike fear into the hearts of many. and i think a lot of us do tend to closely bond with our animals because they don’t put unrealistic expectations on us. that’s a very realistic aspect of her. my cat is my hashtag best friend 4 life. but I do also think there’s a difference between good representation and interesting characters that we like.

personally, I think the handler is a relatively unoffensive portrayal, but I wouldn’t consider her representation for mutism. for one, I genuinely haven’t heard any talk of them consulting any nonverbal people to respectfully portray her like they did with brooklyn’s limb difference. for two, does she accurately show the experience of mutism? her backstory is going to play into this, but in her current state, I’m meh. most people already assume I’m plotting their downfall because im a non-expressive (autistic) and silent bipoc but she genuinely is trying to kill people so (tbf i wish i could hunt people for sport too sometimes so maybe not THAT inaccurate). I think the strongest thing she has going for her representation wise is that she used body language to comfort the raptors instead of words. that ability to silently communicate with her pack felt real.

how they handle her in s2 might change my opinion, but rn I don’t see her as rep in the same way that, say, yasammy represents me as a lesbian or kenji represents me as a member of a diaspora. love that freaky woman but when I explain what it’s like to be me, I wouldn’t use her as an example is my basic thought process. I’ll never knock other nonverbal people’s thoughts cause we aren’t a monolith but *i* see representation as something made for us. yaz and sammy were handled so lovingly and thoughtfully and THATS what i want representation to mean (<- guy who can’t go 2 seconds without praising yasammy)

I would also like to lightly push back on the idea that verbal shutdowns are the same as mutism, though. being mute means that you speak rarely, if ever, on a constant basis. they’re distinct experiences, though some people (like me lol) will have both! the way I’d describe it is kind of like: verbal shutdowns are temporary breakdowns caused by high emotional stress. but being nonverbal is daily life. it might be physical, mental, or both but it’s not really something that changes without purposeful interventions. the experiences are relatable to each other, but they have their nuances

I DIGRESS! at the end of the day, there’s no authority on representation thought because that defeats the purpose of us all being unique people with our own opinions. if a character makes you feel seen, then that’s beautiful. keep loving them. don’t let anyone tell you it’s weird. our experiences shape how we relate to characters. the good, the bad, and the ugly. hell, you’re talking to the person who soapboxes about autistic claire everyday because I think she acts like one of us. she’s relatable to my experience so I’m gonna claim her all I want every day of the week. that’s the beauty of fiction

I hope this didn’t come off as shaming or superior in any way. I tried to emphasize personal opinion where I could but again I’m autistic. makes me sound more confrontational than intended online. I genuinely do not think it’s weird in any way. I mainly just hope s2 gives the nuance I’m looking for in her portrayal

[candyskiez]

Favorite The Owl House episode?

tbh, haven't rewatched the show in a long long time so might need to rewatch to be sure. for a while, it was eda's requiem. it means a lot to me and genuinely made me realize shit about myself. as dumb as it sounds it's what made me realize "...oh. if I died, that'd...probably fuck up the people around me." so it has a massively special place in my heart. and also the depth it gives eda! made me reevaluate shit about how I view parents and also just. god. the importance of found family and how important it is to acknowledge that it's just as important as blood family. found family is so often treated as secondary and seeing it portrayed as just as important is so fucking good and god! middle aged characters with depth! middle aged WOMEN with depth! some of the most accurate depression rep I've seen. she feels so real and raw and god, it's really nice to see a middle aged character who gave up learning to get back up again and stop feeling like they missed the best of their life and wasted it, and aaorudhdjd. god. I love eda. the music is beautiful and the duet is haunting, raeda fascinates me, and bard magic will ALWAYS be my favorite magic in toh.

I feel like the grey decaying thing works excellently as a metaphor for depression. it's what made me start going "is this a metaphor for mental illness?" because it FEELS like it. the voice acting is top tier and its so fucking good. it's just,,, man. a middle aged woman having an episode all to herself?? baby mes mind would've been BLOWN. her hatred of the curse wouldn't have hit nearly as hard without this episode, I think. the loneliness and feeling like it makes her Less is shown so well in this episode. it's just,,, man. as someone who's struggled with depression all my life, it resonates. she doesn't even CONSIDER king would still love her. raine saved her fucking life there and I'm still fucked up about it. it handles depression very well and its just. Man. that duet is one of the most memorable scenes in the show. darius abomination form is badass, raine's powers are so cool, the bats have my ENTIRE heart, the fucking MUSIC. brads music bangs. I love his soundtracks and this episode is just. always iconic to me.

that being said, I'm not entirely sure if it's my favorite episode right now? my brain flip flops on these things. right now I think it might be eclipse lake because it's just. SUCH a good episode. it's so gorgeous. the fight choreography, the animation, the lore, but most of all the EMOTION.

it has such excellent abuse rep. showing not only the complicated emotional reality of living with your abuser, of being dependent on your abuser, but also the fact that having an abusive relationship influences how you view ALL relationships. I love that amitys trauma isn't sidelined! what originally comes off as amity being a little TOO excited about having a girlfriend and also dana flipping off disney is shown to be amity being fucking terrified of losing this. she's so desperate to prove herself and since they're foils we gain knowledge as to what odalia and amitys relationship might've been like through hunter and gain insight into how hunter might view other relationships going forward through amity and it's LOVELY.

it also drives me insane that people use this episode as proof amity would hate hunter when. nah. nah, absolutely not. also I love how it shows how fucking KIND amity actually is. this boy's threatened and backstabbed her multiple times and is showing he's willing to do ANYTHING to win, and she still feels so much fucking sympathy for him. because she gets it. he's like her. she would've done this in his shoes. she offers him kindness and shows no sign of holding a grudge??? NONE???? this woman is fucking forgiving. she would have every right to hate his guts and she doesn't. idk what y'all mean when you say she's a jerk shes fucking KIND.

also hunters breakdown is painful to watch. I don't know what I can say about it that hasn't already been said. it's so raw and resonant, it feels like watching a real kid, it has such a realistic depiction of abused kids, what else can I say?

I also love the addressing of the cycle of abuse. hunter isn't a pure innocent baby here. he's manipulative and mean and cutthroat. hes a dick! I love him having anger issues because that's how abused kids often are! and I love amity backsliding! I love amity going tunnel vision! I love how realistic and painful the whole episode is!

they're just kids, man. you can tell the crew wanted this to be realistic and they succeeded.

I don't know which I like more. they're both just so GOOD.

(ask me things!)

[lakesbian]

not going to finish reading 1.1 tonight due to. the sleepy tired. and that shit is way longer than gestation. but i am certainly microwaving the first section i have read in my brain

i do have some Thoughts on the presumed magic(? this is one of the ones with magic i'm sure) but to be clear i am not generally a guy who gets really into trying to extrapolate or put together lore abt how the universe functions. like i figure we get there when we get there. i am significantly more invested in autopsying the workings of various characters. already breaking out the hacksaws for blake

i am surprised that he's in his 20s because the way everyone talks about him had me thinking he was also a traumatized teenager but like even more sopping wet than the undersiders about it. also i was surprised by how much of a Guy he is. like worm is primarily focused on complicated and interesting female characters and there just are not that many Guys in it. there are very few guys who are as relevant as the women and none of them are capital-g Guys. like...defiant is a redditor. brian owns a motorcycle helmet but taylor is literally, like, the first girl he's talked to in years that wasn't his little sister he's responsible 4 or his teammates he's more begrudgingly responsible for. he's so socially dysfunctional. alec vasil would never own a motorcycle or have tattoos, he walks around looking gay and then goes down 4 his gf's character development. none of the wormguys are capable of the energy blake thorburn is carrying. so it was very funny going "oh shit he's in his 20s instead of a sad wet teenager?" and then "oh shit he has a fucking motorcycle? and tattoos? and boots? and he's DATED people? and has friends??"

also very funny: being specifically surprised by the motorcycle because it seemed Too cool for how people talk about him and then finding out like 7 paragraphs down that it's actually the world's most shitty-dink sad little bike ever. like yeah okay. that checks out. that seems to accurately encapsulate blake thornburn's energy.

anyway my initial misassumptions out of the way. it is also sort of surreal seeing a wildbow protagonist that has like....basic levels of self-awareness about himself. he actually notices when his shrugging is starting to become more of an act than a genuine indicator of his disinterest. taylor would not have noticed! making my tentative first forays into understanding the blake psyche here because again i have not even finished 1.1 but the energy i'm getting so far is like. he tells himself he's not gonna get sucked into the family drama and then he does a pretty decent job of that, but he also does an excellent job of avoiding thinking about what the implicitly referenced background trauma is. he is generally not terribly unaware of his own emotions but this does not stop him from having his flight reflex triggered over a hug or from having trouble sleeping at home even when alllll the doors and windows are locked. i'm catching the vibes of him being relatively functional on the surface but having Something that is Extremely His Family's Fault broiling inside of him that might not come out now but will nigh-certainly come out eventually. i predict he has at least three really really bad mental breakdowns before this book is over. like i'm talking Severe. i'm getting "left and sorted out some of the trauma and is doing a pretty good job at being a reasonably mature 20ishyo not getting sucked back in the second he returns but is still going to have things boil over when shit gets real" energy. that might be nothing but i'm throwing darts here. we'll find out. definitely very surface level blatant trauma responses compared to some other wb characters though. i think the lack of repression means he's better at seeming like a Normal Guy upfront but is significantly more prone to getting very unnormal when the horrors get involved. i will not be comparing this to worm forever ftr but guy who has only read one wildbow novel is going to inevitably compare and contrast w other wildbow novel. it's a fun frame of reference 2 start analyzing thru when i'm only going off the very basics at first. anyway feel free to send ask commentary or whatever as always

[mistandshcdow]

so i watched the ‘we have always lived in the castle’ film and i have some thoughts (good bad & weird, spoilers ahead)

Good:

- depiction of merricats OCD is accurate and visually compelling

- weird codependent / incestous relationship between merricat and constance probably weird and incestous

- uncle julian fucks now

- also letting uncle julian be able to move his own wheelchair is a good change for the sake of him as a character bc otherwise constance would have to be in every single scene with him

- jim is the perfect asshole

- merricat’s reaction to charles’ arrival is so funny

- i know a lot of whalitc fans hate sebastian stan for charles but imo he’s kinda perfect. he’s good at effortless asshole because he is lowkey punchable. also that he’s got literally nothing intelligent or good to say ever is so accurate/his pseudo intellectualism is so accurate

- what i like about this movie is that it is very firm in its pro incest worldview 😭 charles being into constance isn’t viewed as weird and they are literally first cousins

- constance constantly one pained smile away from a mental breakdown at all times

- merrricat walking around like a little goblin everywhere is too funny

- the kitchen scene with the argument between julian and charles is fantastic wow they captured the anxiety perfectly

Bad:

- merricat looks way too put together, she’s literally a feral child who never brushes her hair and hates washing and she’s here with two perfect twisted braids and not a single flyaway ???

- why are uncle julian’s clearly humorous lines being played straight / earnestly … this man is the biggest jokester around constantly trolling people not whispering deep truths

- helen and lucille … why did they have this weird visual gag of lucille repeating everything idk it was just a bad choice. unless we are meant to think that everything is through merricat’s twisted POV??

- not enough jonas

- not enough about the fucking poisonings?!?! idk i feel like i would have kinda liked to see it go down maybe that’s just me being a goblin

- ending lacks the emotional weight it needed, the scene about the sugar was not nearly as impactful as it should be and it’s because we didn’t get enough of merricat’s murderous inner monologue. if you didn’t read the book then you wouldn’t know based on what the film told you about her, but it’s obvious from one look into her mind that she’s capable of violence

Weird:

- changing the meaning of the burying. clearly burying is a good thing in the book but in the film she only buries bad things. i get they might have wanted this as a visual metaphor for when they kill charles but ehhhhh idk

- the house is not like i imagined but i guess everyone is on a budget

- constance sleeps in full makeup

- removing thomas from the family but i guess they didn’t want to make merricat a child murderer. seems a weird line in the moral sand considering she literally killed everyone else

overall, this movie conveys the plot of whalitc, but fails at telling the story or conveying any emotion that the original text does so masterfully. if you liked the book, the movie won’t ruin anything, but it will leave you feeling very disappointed. just reread the book.

[necroangelz]

🪽 & 💉 please。。

I'm gonna pretend this didn't take me like 2 weeks to respond to again

『 💉 』

a kin memory

as Monika from ddlc, i remember two timelines/lives! one timeline follows the canon events of the game where i was a sentient entity trapped within the game. in the other timeline, i was a human girl living in like, a normal world, except i suffered a huuuge breakdown from heavy stress. something in me snapped and i began to see the world as lifeless and flat, and i thought i was stuck in a simulation or video game of some sorts where everything and everyone was fake and i was the only real being. it was.... very hard, as you can probably guess, but with professional help and support from the other club members i got better

『 🪽 』

infodump about an oc

@yaoimurder hi squid I'm tagging uu here bc this is where i ramble about that vampire oc i mentioned ages ago, if uu remember that!!! read on if uu'd like (: my oc infodumps are very long and i mention almost EVERYTHING about them so uu can just read the basic info only lol

picrew one and two

her name is midah she is my babygirl. she's also my first (and only) empires SMP oc and i ship her w my f/o (mythicalsausage s1)!!

picture #1 is much more accurate to how midah looks but picture #2 includes details about midah not present in the other photo, such as her red vial necklace, flowers on her cheekbones, and silly little hat

since she's an oc for a series I'll mention stuff that some might not know about, im too lazy to explain everything though so if anyone's curious at all just ask :3

okay midah's backstory is a LIIITTLE murky bc i mainly use her for vague-daydreaming purposes. anyway shes an assassin sorceress who practices blood magic and other types of magic (such as offensive fire Magic that involves creating and manipulating white fire). i got the idea for her name from the line, "touch me, midas, make me part of your design," from my ordinary life. other than that though, her character/story doesn't have much connection to the mythology figure midas. it's just her name that's connected to him. her name is pronounced like midas without the "s", or like the name Micah.

midah is half vampire and half flower elf. i don't really have info on what a "flower elf" is exactly, i don't think i wrote down the info for that, but basically it's just. Elf type connected to Flowers. and flowers often grow on (and maybe in...) their bodies. this can be seen in the red roses that grow on midah's cheekbones. help me my brain is coming up with ideas fur this elf type as i type this but I'm too tired to really focus on that and too focused on finishing this rambles

shes brave, strong, self assured of her own capabilities, tbh for the most part she's a normal person with not much mental and emotional problems, and she cares deeply for those she loves (like a certain mythical j. sausage... aka my f/o ever) she cares deeply to the point of sacrifice but hey, anything for true love amirite... shes also usually the voice of logic and reason compared to sausage but she doesn't try to stop his antics (until his antics start getting a little... demonic.) she totally tops sausage btw. shes also older than him by a bit and she's much taller than him (she's like 7ft tall)

anyway midah isn't very affected by the sunlight BUT she does need to drink blood every now and then, otherwise she gets a bit Quirky (aggressive, uncontrollable monsterlike behavior, and also she starts feeling a lot of physical pain) blood is like a Huge thing for her. she can perform rituals using blood. she wears a vial of blood tied to a necklace for good luck. she has a special bond with the blood sheep

wait what the fuck is a blood sheep? they're creatures from empires SMP s1, particularly the mythland empire (cough cough, that's the main setting of midah's "story") basically they're just Minecraft sheep dyed red. but lorewise they're mysterious creatures who have inhabited mythland for a very long time. they exhibit erratic behavior and sometimes display aggression to other beings. their blood and guts are also very useful for rituals! the blood sheep like midah a lot. they follow her around and nuzzle her like docile farm sheep and sometimes she can communicate with them and they follow her orders. they also protect her FIERCELY against anyone

the vial midah wears around her neck is filled with the blood of a sacrificed blood sheep. she wears it for good luck but replaces it every now and then because the luck can degrade and eventually attract bad luck instead

so yeah i have a lot of different storylines i imagined for midah and ill try to go over them briefly (I'll totally not type like 6 more paragraphs)

- backstory #1 explaining how sausage and midah met: midah moves to mythland and works there as a regular farmer at first and then attempts to join the assassin's guild managed by sausage. she expresses interest in being an assassin and spy. sausage is unsure of her at first,but hes intrigued by her, so he tests her with an easy normal mission: assassinating codfather Jimmy in the empire next door and bringing back his head. yeah that's totally not, like, the beginning of a war and political feud or something. so midah sneaks to the codlands, successfully kills Jimmy, returns with his head, and gets accepted into the guild. at the beginning of this backstory she puts on this facade of a totally unassuming and regular citizen who doesn't seem to have any fighting capabilities, let alone the capability to fight with magic and perform rituals, but then time passes and more and more is revealed about her and it's like Wow she's not who she seems to be. at all. and she quits her farmer job and goes all in on the assassin gig but does other stuff on the side too. and falls in love with saus along the way LOL

- midah x saus backstory #2: they're ~ childhood friends ~ who have been separated for like more than a decade and reunite when midah moves back to mythland. (i envisioned this scene in my head actually—a few days before returning to mythland, midah sends sausage tons and tons of letters sealed within a thick envelope, talking about her plans to return to mythland and why. and also updating him on what's been going on in her life the past decade or so. then on the day she arrives in mythland, they have one of those cute cliche scenes where they run towards each other on a long path and hug each other at the middle. and they cry a bit and talk and marvel about how long its been since they last saw each other. its really sweet ugh)

in this backstory midah was actually part of one of mythland's noble families. i made up some lore where mythland used to be ruled by four noble families (among them were house sausage, which is where sausage comes from duh, and house lavendar, where midah comes from, and yea it's intentionally spelled that way). the noble families/houses went to war with each other for power over mythland and the other two houses were defeated. most members of house lavendar left of their own accord and the rest that remained renounced their noble lineage, leaving house sausage who became the ruling family of mythland. the members of house lavendar specialized in blood magic and a lot of advanced complex blood spells were created by them. hence they have connections to the blood sheep in some way.

i like the longtime friends/allies to lovers dynamic that's going on in backstory #2 (: backstory #1 is still cool in its own way, strangers to lovers is nice, getting to know each other on purpose bc uu find each other intriguing is nice, even though uu might think uur very different people at first, uu get to know the other person a bit more and uu find out things about them and uu realize uur not so different after all ^_^ i read smtg about that once, about loving each other on purpose and choosing to love each other even though uu don't have years and years of history with the other person, and uu grew up completely without them and uur roots aren't tangled with theirs. but still uu love them. and that's very beautiful

okay umm this is getting to be a lot lol i think I'll cap it here, maybe the next time someone sends a 🪽 emoji I'll do a pt2 bc i still have more to say LOL

[worldweaveralicya]

Writing Sorrow

Ah yes, sorrow. Are you even a writer if you don't make your protagonists cry out in pure mental anguish while you destroy everything they ever loved?

I'm obviously just kidding, wholesome stories are just as valid as the grim-dark adult novel from next door. But if you do put your characters through traumatic events... Knowing how to write sorrow is essential. And in my opinion, sorrow is one of the hardest emotions to write.

Ebb and Flow

A lot of intense feelings dissipate very quickly after they reach their climax. But sorrow is a different story. The initial pain that causes a character to feel sorrow takes a long time to heal. And even then, emotional scars will still remain as imprints on their soul. So if you make a character feel extreme mental anguish:

Do not just gloss over a character feeling sorrow!

Even if their initial outburst is over, give them time to heal and hint here and there at how they're still fighting with their sorrow. Sadness often comes in waves. A character could be fine for some time, but one evening they can't help but remember what happened. And it still hurts.

Ebb and flow.

Healing and pain.

Reader's Empathy

On the other hand, the period where a character is healing can get boring. Readers could get frustrated with your character for taking too much time, it could even end up making your character less likable. Therefore, as always with intense emotions, make it make sense. Make the readers understand the pain your character is going through. That way, they'll sympathize with that character more and are way more willing to follow them through their healing process. So it's important to show the reader why the character is reacting in that extreme way instead of just feeling a bit sad.

Use your reader's empathy and abuse the hell out of it.

The Breakdown

This is about the moment when a character actively lets out their pain. Here's some inspiration for how you could describe that breakdown!

What a character does

Trying to hold back, but sobs still shaking their frame

Dropping something they were holding

Legs giving away beneath them

Hugging themself or others

Rocking back and forth

Opening their mouth in a silent scream

Crying their eyes red

What a character experiences

Something twisting in their guts

Tears blurring their vision

Raw throat because of screaming/crying

All strength leaving their body

Numbness spreading through their limbs

Feeling like something has been ripped out of their chest

Agonizing pain

The Days After

I'd suggest not only making your character feel sorrow from now on. It's much more heart-breaking to see them trying to get better and cope, maybe even managing to laugh. Just to then be reminded of that one fateful moment and have their laughter turning into sobs. But that could be just a personal preference. Anyhow, here's a bit of inspiration for how you could write the residing sorrow!

What a character does

Quivering hands

Being more silent than usual

Trying to distract themself

Sleeping a lot

Isolating themself

Tearing up very quickly

What a character experiences

Loss of appetite or too much appetite

Feelings of emptiness

Detachment from reality

Difficulty concentrating

World seems cold and gray

Constant ache in their chest

I really hope this helped or was interesting in some way! Sorrow is a fascinating emotion to explore in your writing, but it's also a balancing act between portraying those feelings accurately and keeping your reader engaged. Either way, enjoy putting your characters through all of that.

Until next time, keep weaving words!

[im-always-the-problem-its-me]

i don't know what the fuck just happened

i somehow managed to fuck up SO's birthday and feel awful. ive gotta make a big drive tomorrow night and have to fuck up my sleep schedule on purpose and with how emotionally exhausting this whole day was it's that much more difficult.

i legit started rambling, feeling very 'i'm a piece of shit, what do you want..let's make jokes about how fucked up i am while i detach emotionally when you have a breakdown' like roman fucking roy and then i even said 'i'm roman fucking roy, i don't know what you want from me'.

here's what i think happened: nutshell version because being vague is safer and i'm also tired.

SO has been depressed. i can't do shit about it. i have a bad habit when i'm overwhelmed with my own shit to be like 'let's try to just be super happy and pretend his breakdown isn't happening because i can't handle men crying on the floor because i'm used to men getting angry, yelling or worse...hitting me.' so i avoid. it's a symptom of complex PTSD apparently and also i think ptsd doesn't accurately describe what i have anymore because nothing is 'post'. this shit is happening right now and im constantly triggered because i figured out i'm still being abused and emotionally manipulated by my parents as an adult and i don't know wtf to do about it. i think im going to need therapy again. SO says he thinks he wants to go see one again too.

there's nothing wrong with our relationship. it's individually, we're both fucked up. it doesn't help i have this 'not really, but kind of' a side thing but it's not affecting things here. (im still a piece of shit because if anything its kind of an emotional affair...i dont know...feelings are fine...if i act on them then that's different...this is an old flame too and we're close, always have been...it's just an intense friendship bordering upon dangerous with flirtations but THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE)

'you never shut up' SO said to me out of anger. broke down after he said it even though i agreed even though it stung. i told him don't worry about it. it was true. i need to to not put all my shit on him. that's why i suggested therapy again.

i explained that i don't feel mad or upset by anything that happened tonight..just feel bad because yes he called me out on being emotionally detached and i have been lately because im a fucking mess. i also tend to run from everything so i even told him fuck it, we can move back because it's fine me being a mess but since he's the breadwinner, when he falls apart it's bad for both of us. i'm already on benefits because of epilepsy that's intractible. nothing I can do about that. but he needs to be ok.

he keeps looking at me like i'm nuts but dude, i've been running my whole life. i wanted to settle and stay here forever and i love this place more than any place i have ever lived but look i'm still sick here and i got issues popping up like god hates me.

i'm not even roman roy. i think because i detached instead of wearing it on my face or crying like kendall. maybe i'm a mix of both. i dunno. that show speaks to me on so many levels. i rewatched Hannibal too and i'm just like wtf. then i picked my favorite mommy issues movies to put on.

here's what i know happened: two people who love each other very much aren't doing well mentally but their relationship isn't what's making the other fucked up. it's everything else they have never dealt with making them individually fucked up and tonight it blew up. bad timing. neither of us could help each other. he got rightfully pissed. i am not upset he got pissed and the one thing he said out of anger was a very true fucking statement that put a big mirror in front of my face.

i realized too that i cannot handle a man having a breakdown. he asked why i always just walk away from him when hes like that? well because i don't know what to do with it and also what if it turns into something else and the man is going nuts on me or taking it out on me? i don't know. i'm very fucked up.

i hate victim mentality bullshit. i try not to put stuff on anyone. so i sweep it away like it's not fucking happening and i got called out on that. i don't know how to be there for him. i can't help it i have ingrained weird ideas. i try just not to be a cunt ok? and i don't know maybe i was one tonight? i don't even know. i apologized for getting loud when i did because i had my earplugs in so didn't realize how loud i was and i also hadn't eaten all day and it was making me hangry so my brain couldn't even process anything until after i ate.

a man shaking and crying on the floor because of me? (or what i perceived as being about me?) all i thought was get away from him because you're hurting him and nothing you do is going to make it better...and then it was like i felt like my mom. that's what she did. no comfort for the crying ones...just walk away until it's over. but i'm not his mommy. i'm his SO. he even said 'i don't want you to baby me or anything, just a little comfort would be nice.' he's right. but again, why are you crying in the first place? i'm selfish so i'm thinking 'wtf i'm a mess...now i have to wonder why you're a mess...wtf' and jfc no....i don't know what the fuck happened.

we need to both get some help with our issues somehow or we're not going to make it if repeats like this keep happening. i can't even call it a fight. it was more just a collective breakdown. he went to bed red eyed and mumbling. i'm up exhausted but numb af.

fucking a.

it's good i'll be gone for a day. give us both some time away just to think. well, he'll be able to anyway, ill be cramped in a car with 7 other people for 18 hours. not that i'm complaining. i've gotta do this to help out with bills and plus now i've got an obligation because my mother keeps putting shit on me and didn't even give me a chance to say no and if i don't make this trip a lot of people are out of money so im basically unable to back out even if wanted to. fuck it. i think i'll finally be able to chill next year. i'm going to make myself anyway. get through holidays. have a good time on our concert trip in january. hopefully by them my SO and i are in better places mentally too.

one hour at a time.

[waynes-multiverse]

This chapter was so much! My emotions are all over the place, and I definitely have whiplash 😅🖤 But the smangst!!!! The smangst, oh my God, you killed me with it and it was absolutely perfect *chef’s kiss* 😘

I love that she met Garth! 😂💕 And I loved that she still hunted with Annie and helped where she could. I loved seeing the other hunter’s side. Sam and Dean might figth the devil, but I’m sure there were so many others that helped and tried to keep people safe as best as they could!

I also loved that Sam called her to say goodbye and essentially told her to watch out for his brother. That was such a sweet Sam moment, and I really adore this little glimpses into their friendship as well 🥰

Now to the real nitty-gritty – Dean showing up on her doorstep, completely broken was so accurate and heartbreaking 😭 The back and forth between them was so intense and had me on the edge of my seat screaming at my screen! You described his emotions and feelings so beautifully, even through Julie’s POV. You could really feel his pain and hurt over losing his brother and the way he feels about himself, like he doesn’t deserve to be with Julie. God, Linda, this was masterful 😭👏👏👏

Dean was there still, on the little stoop that led to the motel door, and as Julie watched, he slowly slumped onto the third step up as though he'd been deflated.  He dropped his head into his hands, pushing them through his short hair so that they cupped the back of his head and his elbows rested against his knees.

This moment was absolutely devasting to read and so well described! You feel everything here and hate seeing him like this 💔🥺 I loved how their fight culminated and intensified until Dean couldn’t fight it any longer and gave up. And I-... Excuse me, I’ll go have a shower cry now 😭

But I’m glad he stayed this time, and he had both Julie and Bobby around to take care of him, even though he was a bit of an ass – okay, huge ass! 😅 (We still love our grumpy, grieving bear, tho 🖤) It’s also so interesting to read his whole journey of grieving Sam, trying to move on, and fighting his depression. I liked that it was slow-building and you could really see and feel his progress. A few times I wanted to legit strangle him, though, when he tried to push her away so many times, but I’m glad Julie never gave up on him ❤️

"I know.  I know it's not me your mad at.  And when you need to yell, tell me, I'll yell with you.  We can go stand out in the yard and scream till our throats hurt." 

 Yes, please ❤️❤️❤️😭👏

And dear Lord, their little moment of heated passion was so raw and emotional 🥵 But of course, Dean had to run out and have... a mental breakdown? I think that’s fair to say. He did punch Bobby (😳). 

"I'm sorry, Dean, I don't mean to laugh, but...you used me?"  

Bless her. His argument made me genuinely laugh, too. What a sweet idiot 😂🖤

"God, I love you."

Julie sucked in a breath.  "What?" she asked quietly, afraid he'd try to retract the statement.  

But he just smiled softly.  "So much, Jules.  So much."  

FUCKING FINALLY!!!!! 🥳🙌❤️

Another fantastic chapter, my love 😘👏 You’re rocking this series!!!!

Green is My Favorite Color Ch. 12

Pairings: Dean x Fem!OFC

Explicit 18 +/Warnings: Angst - so much angst, grief, talk of major character death, smut, p in v, some fingering, slightly rough sex, unprotected sex, Dean being an asshole (kind of), fluff.

Word Count: 7, 506 (sorry for another long chapter!)

Series Summary: Dean has been her hero from childhood, can she ever get him to be more?

|| Series Masterlist ||

Chapter Summary: How will Dean cope with Sammy gone? How can Julie try to heal him?

A/N:  The twelth chapter in a longer series. As I’m writing, the story is stretching out a little and I’m thinking it’s going to be at least 20 chapters. Sorry! 😬 It’s what I’ll call cannon adjacent. It will follow the general storylines through the seasons, but I’m creating my own offshoots. 😊

The beautiful divider at the end was created by @talesmaniac89. 💗

3 months later (May 2010)

Julie pressed the ice pack to her shoulder, hoping to take away the worst of the ache. She and Annie had been exorcising a demon when his buddy had shown up ready to fight. The two women had managed to take down both demons, wrangling the second one into the devil's trap as well, and exorcising them both.

But not before demon #2 had landed a hard blow to Julie's shoulder; he'd been aiming for her head and she dodged at the right moment, but he still clipped her shoulder.

So now, hours later, she was sitting back at the motel, trying to recover while Annie had gone off to help another hunter friend Julie didn't know.

Everything was in chaos right now. There was so much demon activity that the network of hunters across the Midwest couldn't keep up with it.

Something about the upcoming battle of Armageddon seem to have them all excited and riled. That thought brought back the memory of her phone call with Sam two days before, when he told her the plan.

"What? Sam, that can't possibly be the only option!" Julie had said, completely horrified and blown away by what Sam was telling her.

"It is the only option. We can't kill him. So, the only thing we can do is try and get him back in the cage, and..." He paused for a moment but when he spoke again, his voice was full of conviction. "...and I'm the only one who can try to get control of him, and toss him back in."

"Besides," he said, his voice getting quieter. "I let him out, I've gotta put him back in."

Julie had tried to argue his point, but she couldn't come up with any possible alternative if they wanted Lucifer safely caged away again.

She talked with Sam another twenty minutes, with her trying to find solutions that didn't exist and Sam just trying to tell her goodbye. Finally they ended the call.

"Bye, Julie. You take care of my brother, okay? He's gonna be stubborn as hell, but I guess you already know that. But just promise me you won't give up on him too quickly."

Julie wiped away the tears Sam couldn't see, but the quaver in her voice gave them away anyway.

"I'll do whatever he'll let me do, Sam. I promise. But please don't say goodbye like we'll never see each other again." A sob broke through and she tried to squelch it.

"I refuse to say goodbye to you, Sam Winchester. I'll only say, see you later." She pushed down another sob. "So, I'll see you later."

She could almost see Sam's gentle smile as he answered. "I'll see ya, Julie."

After she got off the phone with Sam, she tried to reach Dean a couple of times, but wasn't surprised when he didn't answer. Stubborn, just like Sam said.

So, instead she reached out to Bobby.

"I want to come help, Bobby! I'm new, but I'm a good fighter and I feel like Armageddon is kind of an all hands on deck situation!"

"Sure, it is. That's why I need you and Annie here in Detroit, putting out fires around the city. I've contacted almost a dozen other hunters that I know around the country and warned them to be on the lookout for increased demon activity, and maybe even trouble from the angels. We need you guys to keep the world safe, while we try to keep it spinnin'."

Julie knew he was right, someone had to look out for the regular people and families while chaos reigned. But she couldn't help wanting to be there with them all. She also could help feeling that Bobby was happy to have an excuse to keep her far away from the devil at ground zero.

So, she and Annie, and a handful of other hunters that Julie was meeting for the first time, did the best they could to keep everything running and save as many people as possible.

There was some distrust from the other hunters about working with Julie, since they didn't know her or her capabilities. But Annie vouched for her and Julie felt happy that she'd been able to hold her own with the more experienced hunters.

One of the men, a sweet, slightly odd guy named Garth, gave her his card and told her he'd be happy to work with her again and to call him any time she needed a hand. She tucked it away in her back pack, happy to have made an ally.

Now, she sat alone in the motel room, watching the news reporting flash floods, and shooting stars, freak storms and and earthquakes. She had to give the anchors credit for staying calm while they reported the end of the world.

She washed down a couple painkillers and hoped they did a better job at relieving the ache in her shoulder than the rapidly warming ice pack.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, quiet and tentative. The world being what it was, she picked up her shotgun as she went to the door to look out the peephole.

When she saw who was on the other side, she wrenched the door open as she rested her shotgun against the wall.

"Dean." she breathed out as she looked at him, tall and solid and seemingly in one piece.

But then she caught his gaze, and his eyes, dear god, his eyes were just bottomless pools of pain and hurt.

Julie looked behind him where Baby sat parked and empty.

"Bobby?" she asked.

Dean's mouth twitched in a parody of a smile. "He's good. He's...he went back to his place, he figured there'd be lots of hunters looking for help, so he's manning the hub."

Julie nodded, relief flooding her while trepidation and heartbreak still sat heavy in her stomach.

"Sam?" she asked, her voice nearly silent.

Another ghost of a smile graced his lips and his jaw clenched. "He...he got him. He..." his breaths were becoming shallow. "He won. He's.." He swallowed convulsively for a minute, and Julie knew he was trying to swallow down the pain and grief.

"He's gone."

Julie put her fingertips against her mouth. "Dean." she whispered before she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist praying he would allow it.

He hesitated a minute before he pulled her as close to him as he could and more or less fell on her shoulder.

He buried his face in her neck and in her hair that was loose around her shoulders. He leaned on her heavily, as though he was having trouble standing under his own power, and Julie struggled to keep from buckling under him.

But she stood strong, desperate to be there where he needed her to be. She was determined not to start crying, trying to keep her emotions in check so he wouldn't feel he needed to comfort her.

It was a hope that became impossible as she felt his massive frame begin to shake and broken, guttural sounds start to issue from him. It took her a second to realize he was crying; raw, harsh, choked tears that sounded as though his body didn't remember how to do it. When she heard his broken, bleeding grief, she couldn't keep her own tears from falling.

But she stood in the doorway with him, running her hands up and down his back and reaching up to try and run her fingers through his hair, placing kisses wherever she could reach which was mostly his shoulder and the side of his neck.

After a few minutes had passed Dean pulled himself off of her, silent now and staring at the ground.

"I'm sorry." He said, obviously embarrassed.

"Don't you dare be sorry." Julie said as she led him out of the doorway so she could finally close the door. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

She led him over to the little loveseat that sat under the window and pushed him gently onto it. His movements seemed disjointed and confused as though he couldn't quite remember how he'd got there.

Julie moved off and put some coffee on, hoping that a good strong cup of coffee might help Dean get rid of some of the fogginess he seemed to be moving in. She knew he'd probably prefer a stiff drink, but she had nothing there, not even a beer.

Probably best that he doesn't start drinking anyway, Julie thought, coffee is better.

As the coffee started to drip into the pot, she watched Dean and tried hard not to start crying all over again. He sat in the exact position she'd pushed him into, not moving a muscle, just staring at the ground. His face was a blank mask, expressionless now that his wracking sobs had ended.

As soon as there was a cupful of coffee in the pot, she pulled it out, the still brewing coffee dripping and hissing against the hot plate, as she filled one of the white china cups on the counter.

She brought it over to Dean and sat down beside him on the couch. When he didn't seem to notice her, she pressed the cup into his hand and he startled, looking as though she'd woken him up from a deep sleep.

"Coffee." She said with what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "It's good and strong."

Dean looked down at the cup, his brow furrowed. Julie reached out her hand to run it down his cheek, but as soon as her fingers touched his skin, he jumped back as though she'd burned him, managing to actually burn himself when the scalding hot coffee spilled over his hand.

"Oh God, Dean. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

Dean cut her off. "What am I doing here?"

For a second Julie was worried he was suffering some kind of memory loss from trauma, but it soon became obvious, as he set the cup down and wiped his burned hand on his green jacket, that the question had been a rhetorical one.

He stood up and seemed at a loss for a moment, until Julie stood up too. Then he looked at her and scowled, shaking his head again.

"I shouldn't be here." He mumbled as he turned toward the door.

Julie leapt after him, pushing under his arm as he reached for the door so that she blocked the door handle. He pulled up short and glared at her.

"Dean, just wait, talk to me."

But he shook his head. "No, I don't have time to talk. I don't know why I came here. Move."

"What do you mean, you don't have time to talk, where are you going?"

"Just get out of my way!" he bellowed at her.

When Julie remained where she was, he growled out a sound of frustration. "For once Julie - just one fucking time - can you just leave me alone and do what I ask!"

Julie knew he was angry and in pain, and like a wounded animal he was lashing out, but his words still slashed her open, drawing blood.

"Dean..." she tried again.

"Move!"

Blinking rapidly to keep her tears at bay she stepped aside and freed the door handle. Dean looked surprised for a minute and didn't move immediately. But then he pulled the door open and stormed through it, leaving it open behind him.

Julie waited to hear the sound of the Impala roaring to life, but it never came. Finally she walked around the still open door and looked outside.

Dean was there still, on the little stoop that led to the motel door, and as Julie watched, he slowly slumped onto the third step up as though he'd been deflated. He dropped his head into his hands, pushing them through his short hair so that they cupped the back of his head and his elbows rested against his knees.

Remembering her promise to Sam, Julie took her chances and walked down the steps to stand on the ground in front of him.

He lifted his head to look at her and his eyes were filled with tears.

"They're hurting him." His voice was barely audible but hearing the words, Julie felt pain squeeze her heart.

"They're...he's not just...it's gonna be even worse for him, he's locked up with Lucifer." He swallowed hard again. "My baby brother is being tortured by the devil, Jules, and I don't..." He broke off and closed his eyes tight, tears leaking out from under his long lashes.

He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes and when he pulled them away from his face, he'd successfully pushed the tears away.

"I just keep thinking that I can't just sit here. I can't just sit here and let you soothe me and comfort me while Sammy is being..."

"Dean, that's ridiculous." Julie scolded, cutting him off, but keeping her voice gentle. "Do you think that someone caring for you means you don't care about what's happening to Sam? That if you find any kind of comfort, you're somehow making things worse for Sam?"

Dean didn't answer, simply dropping his head and allowing his hands to dangle between his knees. Julie walked closer to him and tilted his chin so he was looking up at her.

"Sam told me to take care of you, Dean. And I intend to keep my promise. So the first thing you're going to do is come inside and drink that cup of coffee while I pack up. Then you and I are going to get into that black beauty over there and go home to Bobby's."

She risked it and ran her hand down Dean's cheek again. This time he leaned into it, turning his head and kissing her palm. He looked up at her, his green eyes still filled with such pain, but also remorse now.

"I'm sorry, Jules."

Julie shook her head. "I know." She grabbed his other cheek with her other hand and bent forward slowly to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Come on, let's go home."

***

The next week was one of the most exhausting Julie had ever experienced. When they got back to Bobby's, Dean said he was just really tired and wanted to go to bed.

Julie brought him to her room and basically tucked him into her bed. She was glad she'd exchanged her old twin bed for a double when she'd come back after college. Dean never would have fit in that tiny thing.

That first night Dean seemed to sleep like the dead, straight through for thirteen hours, but then for the rest of the week, he never slept for more than two hours together.

For the first two days Bobby and Julie barely saw him. He just laid in Julie's room for hours. She would go in to check on him, and he'd either be lying in bed, or sitting up on the side of it, staring at nothing.

She'd tried to get him to come out for meals, but he kept refusing, so she'd started to bring him in food trays, but he'd barely touched any of that either.

On the third morning she went in to check on him, and he hadn't eaten any of the breakfast she'd brought him two hours before. He was sitting on the side of the bed this time and he looked up at her as she entered. Julie wanted to cry.

His eyes had dark purple shadows under them, his eyelids red-rimmed and painful looking. His cheeks were covered in thick scruff and his hair was completely disheveled from sleeping on it and no doubt constantly running his fingers through it.

He still wore the same black t-shirt and jeans he'd worn for the last three days, his leather jacket and flannel tossed in the corner on the floor.

"Hey." Julie said as she sat down beside him on the bed. "It's a really beautiful day out. Bobby has a part he needs for his car and I wondered if you wanted to take a ride with me in Baby to go get it." She nudged his shoulder gently. "Great day to hit the highway."

As soon as she said it, she wanted to take it back. Dean's eyes closed tight and she knew he was thinking about all the hours of open road he'd travelled with Sam. She knew just how special Baby was to both of them. She never should have suggested it.

Before she could say anything else, Dean just shook his head and laid down on the pillow. "Not today, Jules. I'm too tired."

Julie nodded and stood up. She reached out a hand and pushed it through his hair like she would a sick child. She felt Dean pull away a little and she dropped her hand.

"Okay, no problem." Julie said. "Maybe tomorrow." She hated the false note of positivity she put in her voice. It was so forced. She took the untouched, cold food away and closed the door behind her.

Later that evening, Julie went in with a dinner tray. His lunch tray showed only two bites taken out of the turkey sandwich she'd made him. But somehow beside him on the bedside table, was an almost empty bottle of whiskey that she had definitely not brought in.

She didn't bother wondering how the stealthy hunter had managed to sneak in and out of the bedroom without either Bobby or herself noticing.

Magic.

She picked it up and looked at him laying on his back staring up at the ceiling.

"Where did this come from?"

Dean turned bloodshot eyes in her direction. "Bobby's liquor cabinet. Where else?" His voice was nothing but gravel and grit and there was a slight slur to his words.

"Dean. It's probably not a great idea for you to get drunk right now."

He scowled at her. "Well, it's a good thing it's not up to you, because I think this is a perfect time to be drunk."

He sat up and grabbed the bottle out of her hand, opening it and taking another large swig.

Julie threw up her hands, exasperated. "You've barely eaten anything in three days, no wonder you're drunk off half a bottle of whiskey." Julie exchanged trays, setting the dinner tray where the lunch tray had been.

"Look, I made you a burger, extra onions." She tried to pull the bottle out of his hand, but he yanked it back, a few drops sloshing out of the open top.

"Jesus, Jules!! I'm not fucking hungry. Just stop trying to force feed me like I'm some kind of invalid." Dean shouted at her.

"Then stop acting like one!" Julie shouted back. She took a deep breath as he glared at her. "You have to move, Dean. You have to eat something, have a shower, get dressed in other clothes. I'm not saying you have to do that all at once. But pick one thing and do it."

Dean picked up the burger and took a bite of it, washing it down with another pull of whiskey. He set the burger back on the plate. "There, I ate something. Now fuck off."

He glared up at her and Julie spun away from him before she either burst into tears or smacked him across the face.

***

Later that night, Julie was sleeping on the couch as she had been since Dean took over her room, since he clearly didn't want her company. She woke up with a start, hearing Dean give a shout of fear.

She ran to the room and opened the door to see him sitting up on the side of the bed, breathing hard. When he looked up at her, all his previous wrath was gone and there was only fear and heartbreak.

He shook his head. "Sorry." he whispered. "Just a dream."

"I'm gonna be right back." Julie ran quickly out of the room and came back half a minute later with a quart of ice cream and two spoons.

She sat down beside him, leaving plenty of room between them, and handed him a spoon.

"One night, about thirteen years ago," Julie's voice was a whisper. "I woke up so scared and so lost. I didn't know what the next day would bring and I didn't know how I would keep moving forward."

She took a deep breath and took the lid off the ice cream and scooped some up on her spoon.

"Then this floppy-haired guy showed up in my doorway and scared the crap out of me."

Dean huffed out a sound that came close to being a laugh. Julie took it as encouragement.

"But then," she continued. "he brought me into the kitchen and tried to convince me that mint chocolate chip was the best flavor of ice cream."

She held out the tub of green ice cream towards him and he scooped up a spoonful of the minty, chocolatey dessert, closing his eyes as it hit his tongue. He pulled out the spoon and smiled slightly.

"It is still the best." He stated.

Julie shook her head. "No, you're still wrong. Rocky Road for life." Dean finally looked at her and there was a wider, sad smile on his face.

Julie took her own spoonful of ice cream and ate it before she continued. "But it didn't matter what flavor the ice cream was because the guy worked his magic; he made me feel safe and protected. Like everything was going to be okay."

Julie set down the ice cream and got close to him, picking up his hand and rubbing the back of it.

"Now all I wanna do is make that guy feel the same way. Help him feel safe and protected, as though whatever tough things happen tomorrow, he'll be able to handle it and I wanna remind him that he's not alone, I'll be right there to help him."

Dean closed his eyes and dropped his forehead to hers. "Jules, I'm so sorry. I know I'm being an asshole, I keep yelling at you, but you're not..." he sighed deeply. "I'm sorry."

Julie nodded. "I know. I know it's not me your mad at. And when you need to yell, tell me, I'll yell with you. We can go stand out in the yard and scream till our throats hurt." Dean let out a breathy chuckle.

Julie stood up and grabbed the ice cream. "Here, I'll go get you an actual bowl of this, so the rest of it doesn't melt."

As she moved away, Dean snagged her wrist. "No don't go. Just let it melt. Stay here with me."

Julie was about to scoff at him and say he could wait less than two minutes until she put the ice cream away.

But then she saw something in his expression, something that reminded her that asking her to stay, admitting he needed her with him, was incredibly hard for him, and she worried that making light of it at all would make him pull back into himself.

So, she just nodded and set the ice cream on the plate with the burger where it would melt into liquid. Dean laid down and pulled her down beside him so she was lying on her back. He laid mostly on his stomach, wrapping his arms around her and laying his head against her breast.

His body felt tense against her so she began to run one hand through his hair while the other hand rubbed up and down his back as far as she could reach.

Slowly, minute by minute, she began to feel him relax against her. She started to hum something soft that she vaguely remembered her mother singing to her when she'd put her to bed. She was sure she was remembering it wrong, but her voice was soft and slow and soothing and she could feel it working as the muscles in his back loosened and his breathing evened out into the cadence of sleep.

Eventually, she could feel her own eyelids getting heavy and her last thought was to hope that when the sun rose, it wouldn't burn away all the tranquility and peace they'd found in the night.

***

The next few days seemed better.

The next morning, Dean woke up beside her and kissed her cheek before he got up out of bed. A few minutes later she heard the shower start.

He came into the kitchen about twenty minutes later, his hair still damp, dressed in new black jeans and a blue denim shirt. He was so handsome, Julie felt her mouth run dry. She felt bad for lusting after him while he was still so vulnerable and hurting, but she couldn't help it, he was just so beautiful all the time.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table with them, eating a few pieces of bacon and some toast.

There was an awkward kind of joviality between them, as though all of them were trying to pretend things were okay now. But it was a brittle kind of happiness and after about an hour Dean looked exhausted.

He stood up and kissed Julie on the head. "I'm just gonna lay down for a bit."

"Sure." Julie said, wanting to add that she knew how much effort it had taken him to do everything he did that morning, and how proud she was of him for his strength, and that she knew how badly he was still hurting every second, and that she didn't expect him to be okay over night and he shouldn't expect it either, and that she loved him no matter what, always and forever.

But since she knew that would be way too much for Dean to take in, she settled for reaching out and squeezing his hand as he walked away.

The next couple days Dean continued to get up in the mornings and eat with them. He was still eating very little, especially for Dean, but he was consuming food and that was all Julie could ask. He worked on some kind of chore in the mornings, working on Baby or a different car in Bobby's yard, or fixing things around the house.

Julie knew how much he loved to work with his hands, and how good he was at taking things apart, finding the problem and putting everything back together again. She hoped that these simple tasks were helping him to feel some kind of sense of control at a time, when he must be feeling powerless.

He was still barely sleeping, and when he did, his sleep was plagued with nightmares that he never talked about. Without either of them discussing it, Julie had stopped sleeping on the couch and now slept beside him every night.

One night, just over a week after he'd lost Sam, Julie woke up again to Dean moaning and jerking in his sleep. Every other night this had happened, Julie just shook him awake and then let him squeeze her too hard as his heart stopped racing and his breathing returned to normal.

This time, however, she couldn't get him to wake. His face was twisted in an expression of torment and she shook him harder.

"No! No!" Dean was almost whispering. "Please, please stop!"

It was the first time he'd said actual words instead of just moaning or breathing roughly.

Julie felt tears burn the back of her throat as she tried again to shake him awake.

"Dean! Honey, wake up!" she called over and over. Finally after nearly two minutes of trying, she shook him and he jumped up, pushing her away from him, as he tried to take in where he was.

The look of confusion and abject horror on his face made Julie have to swallow over and over so that she wouldn't give in to the tears that were threatening to overflow.

She held up her hands. "It's okay, Dean. You're home, with me. Here. At Bobby's." She caught his eye and tried to nod reassuringly. "Remember?" she asked.

She saw the moment reality overtook the remnants of the dream and his shoulders slumped forward. He just stared down at his hands in his lap.

Dean and Julie were facing each other on the bed and Julie tried to catch his gaze again to see how he was recovering, but he just kept staring at his hands, palms up in his lap.

His voice was muffled with sleep and sadness when he spoke. "It was me...I was...Sam was on my table...on the rack in front of me and I was.." He trailed off and Julie saw tears fall into his open palms.

"I was cutting into him, slicing...and...I was screaming in my head to stop, trying to make myself see that it was Sammy...and he was..."

Dean choked slightly, trying to force the tears down. "He was begging me to stop, he was..." Dean let his face fall into his hands, covering it completely. "He was screaming...so loudly..."

Julie couldn't take anymore, she couldn't hear him describe such a horrifying dream any longer. She climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms as far as they would go around him with his arms still clutched around his head.

Desperate to do anything that would take away those images Julie just clung to him, at a loss of how to fix it.

Suddenly Dean grabbed her by the upper arms and pushed her away from him only to grab her face and pull her to him for a deep, wild kiss.

Julie could taste both their tears on their lips as she opened her mouth and felt Dean's tongue sweep in and ravage her mouth. He pushed her onto her back and moved his kiss, still open-mouthed and urgent, down her neck.

"Please." Dean said, his voice desperate and pleading. "God, please Jules. Just, I need you. Please, let me..." he trailed off, not giving her specifics of what he wanted her to let him do. But it didn't matter, because she would have done anything if it meant giving him a moment of peace.

"Yes." She said simply. "Yes."

And with her permission, Dean began to move his mouth down her body, frantically running his hands up and down her skin, as though he wanted to touch all of her all at once.

"Fuck, Jules..." he pushed her tank top up and took hold of her bare breast underneath, squeezing and kneading it almost painfully. He laved his tongue across her nipple before moving further down her body.

He slipped his hand into her pajama shorts and groaned when he found her with no panties, and completely soaking wet for him already.

"Jules, I need you so much." He was breathing harshly in her ear as his teeth tugged at her earlobe and Julie let out a small gasp. "I just need your...life...and your light...the...you're so beautiful, I just need it. Please? God, please Jules." He mumbled incoherently.

Dean quickly pulled off her shorts and pulled down his jeans and seconds later Julie felt his cock pushing through her slick folds. She moaned at the feeling.

Finally, he thrust into her and Julie bit hard on her lip to stop from crying out. He rammed into her hard and fast and Julie pressed her fingernails into his shoulders.

Dean reached down and rubbed three fingers hard against the bundle of nerves that were screaming out for his touch and Julie reared up against him.

As he pounded into her, she could feel herself about to climax and knew he was close too by how erratic his movements had become. As he continued to move against her, his mouth was on her pulse point, sucking hard. As he let go of her bruised flesh, he panted into her ear.

"Fuck Jules, please make the dark go away."

"Yes!" Julie moaned back to him, not able to say anything more as she felt her walls squeezing around him as he thrust one final time, groaning harshly into the crook of her neck, pulling slightly on her hair while his body was rigid over her, shudders coursing through him.

Finally, he rolled off of her and lay still, panting to catch his breath. In much the same condition Julie pulled the blanket up over her rapidly cooling skin.

She heard Dean's breathing steady and even out and thought he was falling asleep. She felt her own heavy eyelids falling and her tired muscles welcomed the velvety comfort of sleep.

But she was startled awake not long after as she heard the bedroom door open and saw Dean walking out. Assuming he was going to the bathroom, it wasn't until she heard the front door open that she sat up and quickly grabbed her pajama shorts off the floor.

She barely got them on in time to run out of the bedroom and out of the front door as Dean turned over the Impala's engine. She ran up to the driver's door.

"Dean what are you doing?" she asked, banging on the window a little frantically, completely at a loss for what was going on and why he was leaving in the middle of the night. She stepped away from the car as he revved the engine, not wanting her bare toes to be run over by the black beast.

But then as he started pulling away she panicked completely and ran out in front of the car forcing Dean to slam on the brakes.

Dean slammed the car into park and pushed open his door. He stood half in and half out of the car.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he yelled at her over the engine's idling rumble. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

Julie marched up to his door. "What the fuck are you doing, Dean Winchester?" she yelled back. "Are you insane? You just...I mean we just..." she couldn't find the words without getting them caught in her throat.

She settled on saying, "We were just together like that...and then you just take off into the night, without even a goodbye?" She pushed on the car door, just barely moving him. "What are you thinking?"

Dean's face was harsh. "I'm an asshole and a bastard so I was thinking that I should remove myself from your life. And I was thinking I could do that by going to find a way to get Sammy out. I figured I'd offer a trade." His words were rushed and rambling.

"You know, I mean Cas isn't answering any of my prayers about trying to get Sam out, so maybe there's a demon or two that will want to help, for a price of course, so I figured I'd offer myself up, get Sam out and get me the fuck out of your life."

He slammed the car door closed and walked away, yelling back. "Two birds with one stone, you know?!"

Julie just shook her head. "No, I don't know. I have no idea what's going on in your head right now and it's scaring the crap out of me. And let's also talk about how stupid you'd have to be to try and make more deals with demons!" Julie ended on a roar.

Dean cut across the end of her sentence. "It's not crazy when there are no other options!"

Dean was standing in the middle of the yard, yelling and waving his hands while Julie still stood by Baby and shook her head, completely at a loss.

It was that moment that Bobby came outside. "You two are gonna bring the law down on us if you don't stop all your screamin'. What's goin' on?" He asked, seeming to ignore the fact that he was yelling too.

Dean threw up his hands. "Nothing, Bobby. I'm leaving, just tell your crazy kid to move out of the way so I don't run her over."

But Bobby didn't like the sound of any of that, and he moved quickly to intercept Dean just before he reached the driver's side door.

"Now, calm down, son and tell me what's happening."

But Dean just tried to barrel through and when Bobby wouldn't back down and tried to hold Dean back, the younger man cocked his fist and smashed it into Bobby's mouth.

"Dean!" Julie shouted as she ran forward and crouched down beside Bobby. She looked up at Dean, full of confusion and anger.

Dean seemed momentarily shocked into stillness by Bobby on the ground nursing a split lip and Julie staring up at him, furious and hurt.

But then he just spun away and got into the Impala.

Julie helped Bobby sit up a bit more, as the Impala's tires spun and gravel shot out from underneath. Julie watched heartbroken as it sped away, but then it stopped just outside the "Singer Autos" gates.

The car sat there a minute, before Bobby pushed her toward it. "Go see him. Check on him."

"What? No. I need to help you."

Bobby scoffed and stood up. "It's a split lip, kid. I've had worse."

They both watched the car sit on the other side of the gates a moment before Bobby nodded toward the car and it's driver.

"Go on, darlin'. He needs you."

"He clearly doesn't or he wouldn't have tried to run away right after we..." Julie caught herself too late and looked at Bobby with very flushed cheeks. "I mean..."

Bobby cut her off with a grimace. "I know what you mean, just please stop talking to me about it and go talk to that idjit about it."

Julie reluctantly walked closer to the Impala, thinking with every step that it was going to just drive away.

But it didn't and she reached the driver's side door and looked through the window to see Dean slumped over the steering wheel. Julie banged hard on the window and found some petty satisfaction when he jumped at the sound.

He stared at her through the glass for a moment before he rolled down his window.

Pulling forth all the compassion and patience she possibly could, she spoke calmly. "Dean, for the love of god, shut the car off and come inside."

After a second, Dean cut the rumble of the engine, but made no move to go inside.

"Dean..." Julie began, feeling the patience already wearing thin.

"Can you come here instead?" Dean asked with a nod to the passenger seat.

Julie nodded and walked around to climb into Baby's warm, leathery interior. Silence reigned for quite a while and Julie just let it, trying to give them both time to recover, although since she had no idea what exactly had set Dean off, she couldn't possibly say what would help him calm down.

But time and silence seemed to do the trick because after a while Dean turned to face her with a deeply serious expression.

"Jules, I'm so sorry. I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am for what I did."

Julie shrugged. "Bobby's the one who should hear that apology. It was his lip you broke open."

Dean scowled and shook his head. "I'm not talking about what I did to Bobby, I'm talking about what I did to you."

Julie rolled her eyes and pursed her lips. "Well, it wasn't exactly a good time, but it's hardly the first time you yelled at me, and I was doing a fair amount of yelling back. And I did stupidly jump in front of the car, so it was hardly your fault that you almost hit me."

But before Julie was even halfway through her response Dean was looking at her like she was crazy. "That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about..." he paused and turned his head to look out the windshield. His voice was a whisper when he continued. "I'm talking about the fact that I used you."

Julie saw his jaw clench as he continued. "I used you...used your body as an outlet for my pain, my darkness...I...I'm so sorry."

Julie didn't mean to, she wasn't expecting to, but she just burst out laughing. Dean swung his head back around to face her, confusion furrowing his brow.

Julie tried to tamp down the laughter, but the whole idea was so ludicrous.

She laid one hand on his arm and used the other hand to cover her grin. "I'm sorry, Dean, I don't mean to laugh, but...you used me?" She shook her head. "Dean if you think for one second that I would have allowed you to 'use me' if I didn't want it, boy, you must have forgotten that I learned how to flip you on your ass well over a year ago."

Her expression was challenging him to disagree with her. When he didn't she eased into a smile. "Look, I wanted you as much as you seemed to want me."

Dean shook his head. "I know that, I mean I have no delusions that I ever would or ever could force you into anything. But that's kind of my point. I used your feelings, your desire, your sympathy, I used them to try and..." he stopped and ran a hand through his hair.

"I wanted to hide all the dark things that are swimming around in my head every day, all the time since Sammy's been gone, I wanted to bury them in you. And that's awful."

"No." Julie said slowly, as though trying to explain something to a small child. "It's not awful, it's beautiful." Dean's expression turned completely disbelieving.

"Really." Julie reiterated. "I think it's amazing and wonderful if I can help you find even a few minutes of beauty or light, or whatever you find in me. Even if it's only for the span of a climax." She said, her cheeks getting pink. "I'll give you any amount of peace I can, any way I can give it."

She grinned cheekily. "If it just so happens to also make my eyes roll back in my head and have me screaming in ecstasy, well, even better."

Dean finally lost his frowning seriousness and a slight smile showed through.

Julie shook her head. "Is that why you were leaving?"

Dean shrugged. "It was half of it." He glanced at her. "Two birds with one stone, remember." He ran a hand down his face. "The other half was feeling incredibly guilty that Sam is still suffering while I'm...finding peace and light." He finished, with a tight smile.

Julie sighed. "I told you, you suffering doesn't help Sam in any way."

Dean nodded, "I know. I also know that if I go into another demon deal Sam would be so incredibly disappointed." He waved a hand at their position just beyond the gates. "Which is why I'm stopped here, completely at a loss as to my next step."

Julie decided on boldness and crawled into his lap and straddled his thighs. She placed a gentle kiss on his lips and pushed her hands through his incredibly soft hair trying to tame it.

"Your next step is to come back in the house, apologize to Bobby," she gave him a scowl at that, "and then get a few more hours of sleep. So that when we wake up we can start researching properly about how to get Sam out."

Dean seemed surprised. "You're not going to tell me that this was Sam's decision and he knew the consequences, and that it's too dangerous to try and get him out."

Julie shrugged. "All of those things are true, but if you don't care about them, I don't care about them. We will find a way to bring Sam home. I promise."

She leaned forward for another gentle kiss, but Dean grabbed both her cheeks in his hands and held her in place so he could lick up into her mouth and pull on her tongue with his lips, moaning softly into her mouth.

When he pulled back they were both breathing heavy, so harshly in fact that Julie almost missed Dean's next whispered words.

"God, I love you."

Julie sucked in a breath. "What?" she asked quietly, afraid he'd try to retract the statement.

But he just smiled softly. "So much, Jules. So much."

His next kiss was much more gentle, but also drawn out, turning into neck kisses and collarbone kisses before a thumping on the roof made them jump apart.

"I'm glad to see you two made up, but how about you pull yourselves away from each other's mouths and come back inside and tell me what the hell is goin' on."

With that Bobby wandered back toward the house and Dean smiled gently at Julie, slightly abashed.

"Do you think he knows we slept together in your childhood bedroom?"

Julie nodded. "Yeah, he definitely does - I kind of accidentally told him." She grimaced playfully. "Sorry!"

Dean shrugged and smiled. "Well, it's okay. He owes me a punch in the mouth anyway."

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Masterlist

Tag Lists

[aggravatetheaxe]

Hey! Saw your post and saw you said you were upsettie spaghetti so I wanted to cheer you up!

Slashers who stop everything they’re doing because their “My S/O needs me” senses are tingling and go to their rescue to comfort their angry s/o?

I was hoping to come up with A way for you to get your emotions out through your writing- 😅

Hope you feel better! 🖤

I've never done a post in this style before so hopefully I do okay! I think I covered pretty much all the slashers I write for so far (I didn't do Billy Lenz because I still need to read the novelization). I may have gone way overboard, so if I do these in the future, I'll probably just pick a few instead of doing the whole roster 😅 (or you can pick for me). But doing this much work did distract me!

Above the cut:

Bo Sinclair

Vincent Sinclair

Lester Sinclair

Included below the cut:

Michael Myers (OG)

Jason Voorhees

Leslie Vernon

Thomas Hewitt

Bubba Sawyer

Brahms Heelshire

Erik ("The Phantom")

Deacon Billings (OC Ghostface)

Courtney Dwayne Delmont (OC slasher)

Kathleen Montgomery (OC slasher)

Masterlist

***

Bo Sinclair

Despite being autistic, Bo is very in tune with peoples auras and body language. He has to be to manipulate and deceive people with any modicum of success. He's trained himself when it comes to these things; even besides masking or manipulation, he needed to be keenly aware of when his parents were in Bad Moods so he could either avoid them or prepare himself.

The mood he's probably best at when it comes to this, for those reasons, is anger. He can smell anger a mile away. So if you're fuming, you better believe he notices.

At first he's annoyed and will demand to know what your problem is. He's not a very tolerant person, and he can be a bit of a hypocrite. He's allowed to have big, messy feelings, but when it comes to others having big, messy feelings ... he's not so comfortable with that. He gets overwhelmed.

Once he realizes that this is more than an attitude problem, he'll take it much more seriously. And assuming you're not mad at him, he'll want the rundown on the whole situation from beginning to end. He wants all the dirt.

He'll let you rant, and honestly, he'd think you being this angry (when it's not directed at him, but even still sometimes) is kind of sexy. And don't expect him to shut his mouth, either; he'll be ranting right along with you, affirming you and insulting whomever/whatever you're angry about.

He doesn't wanna cuddle. He genuinely thinks you can't cuddle anger away. He'll put on some loud-ass music and let you vent your frustration however you prefer. Maybe suggest a long drive down to the lake or into town or just ... picking a direction and going. He has fantasies of running away from his anger sometimes. He knows how it is.

Depending on what you're angry about, it could definitely get to the point where he's angrier about the situation than you are. And if it really hurt you, he will not let it go as long as he lives. The best he will ever do is maintain a grudging neutrality or distance from the person/situation that made you angry.

He's very protective. If you're angry at someone you need to maintain a relationship with, you're going to have to keep an eye on Bo to make sure he doesn't deliver revenge for you behind your back. If it's something he can solve, he'll do it, so if you don't want him running his mouth, watch him.

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent is in the same boat as Bo when it comes to sensing auras, though his handle on body language and facial expressions is not as keenly honed. While Vincent was not physically abused as brutally or as often as Bo, this wasn't because of some sterling quality he had that Bo lacked. He was always The Good One because he saw what his parents did to The Bad One and knew he needed to protect himself. He tried not to do anything that might provoke his parents.

You can feel anger before a fight like you smell ozone before a storm. Vincent is attuned to the feeling not just because of his parents but because of Bo's temper, too. Because of this, like Bo, he can very accurately sense anger in particular.

His initial reaction is to observe you, gauging if you need time to cool off. If you need space, Vincent is the Sinclair for you. He's used to being quiet and deflecting and riding out anger.

However, once he realizes that your anger is not directed at him or isn't explosive enough to become a problem for him, he's concerned. Rather than asking what happened, he will ask if you're okay, and leave it up to you whether you'll tell him about it or not.

If you vent, he'll sit and listen patiently, maybe even thoughtfully working on a sculpture while you rant. He's not judgemental and he can be very emotional himself, so you could say the most ridiculous, dramatic things and he wouldn't even bat an eye. Let out all your messy, destructive thoughts and feelings. Just try not to throw or punch anything; that's when he shuts down.

If you decide you just want comfort, or decide you need comfort after ranting, art is his first suggestion. It may seem cold to you at first, that his instinct isn't to hold you or kiss you but rather to redirect you to a project - once you got to know him, however, you'd know that's his most genuine way to show he cares. Redirecting to something creative calms him down more than platitudes ever could, and he wants that for you. He's nonjudgmental about the art you create as well, even if it's objectively terrible. It's not about the quality.

He won't turn you down if you need physical affection, however. His twin is extremely tactile, so it wouldn't be the first time he held someone after a breakdown. He prefers to do this if he's certain you won't lash out physically, but if you were in a really bad way and needed to be touched, he'd do it regardless.

Lester Sinclair

Lester witnessed his parents' anger, but it was usually indirectly; if Bo was the Bad One and Vincent was the Good One, he was the Overlooked One. He's not a perfect person, probably not even a good person, but of the three brothers, he's the most normally socialized. He isn't trained to be tuned into everyone's every shifting mood in order to survive.

It takes Lester a little longer to pick up on your anger than his brothers, but not too much longer. It takes him a couple tries at trying to talk to you or get your attention before he realizes something is really wrong.

His first reaction is to get upset. He soaks up emotions like a little sponge, so he's suddenly cranky, too. He also jumps to conclusions and assumes that you're angry with him, and he does not take rejection well. He might be bitter and passive aggressive. You being angry just makes him want to go in another room and not be around you, and yet at the same time, he wants your reassurances. It's messy and sad.

Once he realizes - either through observing you or through you communicating with him - that you're mad at another person or situation, then he'll feel comfortable enough to approach you and ask you about it. You'll definitely need to reassure him that you're not mad at him though.

If you wanna rant, he'll take you on a long drive and let you vent your heart out to him. He won't be quite as aggressive as Bo, but he'll be on your side, frowning with disapproval, telling you "Ya can't fix stupid." If you want only comfort or need comfort after venting, he feels much more equipped for that. He'll put something relaxing in the VHS or let you play his old Super Nintendo, get you a beer, just let you chill out. And he'll let you win at Doctor Mario.

If the situation is something really serious, you best believe he'll be talking to his brothers about it the second he gets a chance. He may be a sweet guy, but he can be real nasty, and he doesn't fuck around when it comes to you. You might have to keep an eye out to make sure he doesn't tell someone off or punch out someone's lights.

Michael Myers (OG)

In 1978, Michael is not very in tune with any emotions besides fear, and even then he only really understands it in an abstract way, as his condition and upbringing haven't really been conducive to him learning about emotions. Unless you're screaming in terror, have tears running down your face, or are shouting angrily, he really can't read your moods. Without any obvious change to how you normally act or look, there's a huge chance he might just not notice if you're angry. He spends a lot of time in his own little world.

In 2018, even though he's spent over 50 years institutionalized, Michael has had time to take in the world, and he's seen a lot more. He understands fear much more than he did when he was 21, but what he understands most of all is anger. His anger fuels him. He would pick up on yours right away and be curious, though he wouldn't verbalize it.

If you tell him how you feel, he'll take note of it. If he witnesses you doing something destructive because of your anger, he'll simply observe. He would be fascinated with this thing you're doing, because it's not something you normally do, and though he might not notice emotions, he certainly notices routine and pattern. Either way, you'll have to tell him how you feel, because he'll simply watch you otherwise.

One thing that can be said for Michael is that he's a good listener. He may not internalize everything you say, but he will remember what he thinks is important. You may be surprised; he may remember tiny little details that seem inconsequential to you but loom large in his mind.

Unless you were caused serious physical or mental harm, he would not be angry on your behalf. He would, however, do nothing to assuage your anger. He thinks it would be kinda neat and interesting to see you snap. He's not 100% sure why you don't just do it.

In 1978, he won't be much help beyond listening to you, but he would be curious to see what you do to vent your anger. You may find him by your side more often, observing you. He may also want to find and observe the object of your anger, especially if it's a person. In 2018, he would, in his own way, suggest you solve the problem by murdering someone/something. He's insatiable, but killing is the closest he's ever come to satisfaction. You should try it.

Jason Voorhees

Out of all of the slashers, Jason is the most likely to actually literally sense your anger, especially if you're psychically sensitive/powerful like Tina Shepard. I'm talkin'—assuming you have a pre-established relationship—he'll be doing something else and just get this itch that tells him you're out there somewhere, pissed off.

Obviously this is untenable. As long as he's not super busy or Pamela has other plans, Jason will stomp his way through the woods to get back to you, regardless of the urgency of your anger. If Pamela doesn't approve, well, he'll let a little anger go and assume you're okay. If he suspects you may be in danger, though, he's sprinting regardless of what Mom says. There's time for both things, Ma!

The first thing he'll do when he returns to you is scan your dwelling, then you, making sure nothing is broken. At that point, you'd probably be able to sense his confusion even without him signing. Jason doesn't experience emotions quite like a human anymore, and he's quite tactile besides, so a lack of tangible or visible clues as to why you're upset would trip him up for a second.

He doesn't want to comfort you at first, he wants to know what's wrong. He'll listen to you vent only long enough to understand the situation and identify his target. His immediate next move would be to eliminate the problem. You'll definitely have to hold him back, and it may take a bit of convincing. Earthly consequences don't really apply to him.

Before comfort comes blowing off steam, for you and for him. His first choices would be mangling some trees (you can pretend it's for firewood) or skipping/throwing stones into the lake. You're welcome to join him if those things calm you down; watching him get his stone to skip like 11 times on Crystal Lake may make you feel better, at least.

You might hang out there for hours before he suddenly decides it's time to go home. He'll do what he can to make your comfortable or stay out of your way while you make yourself comfortable, then comfort you as you please. His go-to choice is always foot or hand massages.

Leslie Vernon

Leslie is extremely observant and surprisingly analytical given how silly he is in the day to day. His intuition makes it pretty easy for him to read people, but especially you, since you two are so close. Especially-especially if you're his Survivor Girl (gender neutral term of course). You two are in sync, so he knows if something's up. Maybe even before you fully figure it out.

God, you're so hot when you're angry, you really are. He almost wants to let you scream and holler and go nuts. But he prefers you only get angry like that at him, especially if you're his Survivor Girl, so his first move is to comfort you or talk you down to a place where you can be comforted. He'll speak to you calmly and rationally, reassuring you and touching you if you wanna be touched—on your upper arms or shoulders or face, or with one arm around your back.

He doesn't just want to comfort you, though, he wants to calm you down enough that you can tell him what happened. Even if you claim you don't want to talk about it, he will coax it out of you eventually. He's gotta know what got you so upset. It's his business to know everything about you!

Assuming you're angry at someone/something that isn't him, he'll talk it through with you. If you're upset about an argument with someone, he has the capacity to see it from the other side, but ultimately, he's there for you. He'll let you bitch as much as you want, still touching you, and he'll be disgusted and/or disappointed with the situation.

Above all, though, what he wants is to see you smile again. The only worries on your mind should be the ones he comes up with, and man, he's not even halfway done grooming the next batch of unlucky teenagers. He'd pat your face or touch your hair and tell you to cheer up, and probably defuse the situation with a stupid quip or joke. Take you out somewhere fun, maybe.

Once you were cheered up, he'd humbly suggest you solve your problem with a little murder. "I mean, I know killing's not really your thing—you're really good at it, though, a talent! You know that..." Pause, considering you. "You want me to do it? 'Cause I can clear my schedule for the rest of the night." If you decline, he'd be like "Suit yourself" but may or may not still murder whoever upset you. If you agree, he'd be super excited to make a romantic night of it. His mind would be going a million miles an hour planning everything out.

Thomas Hewitt

Tommy knows anger when he sees it. Not only does he have loads of internalized anger, he's been on the receiving end of it plenty. He's far too large to be scared of anyone in a physical sense anymore, but he's been shouted at countless times. To know when to shut up and do as he's told versus arguing back, he's learned to gauge intensity and direction of anger, and he well knows that anger can be redirected to him.

So, he instantly recognizes your mood, but it might be a while before he approaches you. When he does approach, he'll let you decide what to do, whether that's throwing your arms around him or banging your fists on his chest to vent your anger. You won't hurt him.

Eventually, once you're all hugged or cried or screamed out, he'll wrap his arms around you and give you a reassuring squeeze. There's no need to tell Tommy what's wrong—he won't ask unless you're obviously in serious distress or injured—but if you decide to speak, he'll listen, brows drawn tightly the whole time. He's thoughtful about the situation.

If you're mad at someone in his family, there isn't much he can do for you besides comfort you and assure you that whoever upset you—Hoyt, probably—didn't mean what they said. If you were hurt physically, it would be another story, but his family gets in shouting matches all the time.

Rather than offering help, he'd wait for you to request it of him. Whatever you ask, shy of hurting his family, he will do. Murder someone? No problem. Make you some food? You got it. Bring you a blanket? Sure. Give you some quiet alone time? That's fine, too.

If you need to vent, he's got plenty of ways to get out your frustration. Plenty of farm work to do, or you could work on something around the house with him. He might suggest knitting or sewing or some other handicraft you enjoy. It always makes him feel better to buckle down and use his hands for something.

If you're still preoccupied/upset by the time you two bed down, or heaven forbid the next morning, then he starts taking it more seriously. Something that disturbs you for that long is bad news. He'll watch you carefully the next couple days to see how you're doing, waiting for you to need him for something.

Bubba Sawyer

Like Tommy, Bubba has been on the receiving end of anger many, many times, so he's familiar with what it looks and feels like. Despite his size, he's still susceptible to physical violence at the hands of his loved ones, so he's very wary of anger.

However, he doesn't have a female presence in his life like Luda Mae, who expresses her anger through passive aggression—so, he's more used to shouting and screaming. If you aren't prone to screaming and shouting, it might take a little bit for him to realize you're not just sad or upset, you're angry.

Bubba will be over you. He'd give anyone else their space because he'd be afraid of retaliation, but you're his special person, and he's pretty sure you're not going to hurt him. He'll touch your hair, your arms, your wrists; he'll babble as he tries to figure out what's wrong. He just wants to comfort you and let you know everything is all right.

If it's too much or you're overwhelmed and you snap at him, he'll ease back. He'll blubber like a kicked puppy, but he won't give up. He'll still try to comfort you, just in other ways, such as getting you a comfort item or article of clothing, or maybe some food. And boy will he helicopter.

There's no need to tell Bubba what's wrong. In fact, it might be better if you didn't; if it's something he can't fix, it would do nothing but majorly stress him out. If it was one of his family members who upset you, as with Tommy, he wouldn't be able to do much. Even if you were hurt, he's just not in a position to stand up for you. That fact would absolutely kill him, though. He'd end up getting even more upset than you.

He doesn't know what help to offer you beyond comfort, but like Tommy, if you requested something specific, he'd try to carry out your wishes. He'll also try to cheer you up with some music and dancing, or just being silly like you like.

Need to blow off steam? He's got plenty of coping mechanisms! Bubba's idea of a perfect de-stress session is turning up the radio and getting lost in crafts. He's got lots of supplies, mostly to create clothing and accessories, and you're special, so you can have your pick. A drive and the radio might be nice, too. If neither of those appeal to you, he'll try cooking or baking with you. He loves sharing the kitchen with someone.

If none of that works and you're still upset, be prepared, because he's gonna be an anxious mess until you're better.

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms is somewhat familiar with other people's anger. He certainly has a whole fountain of internalized anger brewing just beneath the surface, but that's different. He knows that when Mummy is angry, she yells and cries, and when Daddy is angry, he seethes and stews. The former would be obvious to him, but the latter would take him a few minutes to be quite sure about. You're not acting how you usually do. Are you being stern or are you angry? Are you cross with him?

He does not have a lot of empathy for other people, so if your anger gets in the way of his routine or the attention he wants, he'll be irked, cranky, sad. Not necessarily at you—though that is possible—but the situation in which you find yourselves.

Much like Bo, he's allowed to have big, messy feelings, but it makes him uncomfortable and scared when other people have those feelings. He might even hide from you for a while, especially if you screamed and cried.

Once he realizes something is really wrong and you're not mad at him, however, he'll start thinking of ways to cheer you up so things can go back to normal. He hates having his routine interrupted; he's very particular. And he cares for you, so seeing you in distress is very scary and uncomfortable for him.

He'll start by fetching you something you like—something manageable for him like your favorite juice or a sandwich, or if you have a special item or article of clothing, that. He's quite shy, though, and like I said, he'll probably be hiding, so he'll leave it somewhere he knows you'll find it (on the bed, outside your door, on your desk, etc.)

If that doesn't calm you down and your anger is really getting in the way of his routine, or otherwise making him uncomfortable, he'll finally make an appearance. Very bashful and timid at first, using his little boy voice. "What's wrong, Y/N? Did something bad happen?"

If it's something that can't be helped, he'll suggest you do something together to take your mind off it (most likely something he likes to do). He may even be coaxed into taking a walk around the grounds, though he doesn't like to leave the manor at all, so you'd have to convince him. He prefers quiet playtime, maybe some coloring books or loud music to vent your emotions. It would intrigue him to see someone else use his toys to calm down. As long as you recognized he was being very nice, sharing them.

If it was an argument you had with someone, he would want more information. Are they likely to leave you alone, or will they come to the manor? Will he have to deal with them? Because it's scary, but he'll do it for you.

If, for some reason, none of those things work, he may cry or throw a fit. Either way, he'll be frustrated. Adult Brahms may make an appearance and try to help you in more Adult ways.

Erik

Though he lives five cellars beneath an opera house now, Erik hasn't always been entirely reclusive. Even these days, when he can stomach it, he sometimes goes out to see the world. As a younger man, he observed people's lives and moods with a hungry fascination (that has now mostly been replaced by melancholy and longing and bitter anger). Like several of the other slashers here, he's had to train himself to sense fury to protect himself. He's also incredibly wrathful, so you could call him an expert!

He has a very keenly honed sense when it comes to you specifically, since he's watched you so much. He notices the change in your demeanor immediately.

If you know him as the "Angel of Music," his voice will appear to you once you're alone, asking you what's wrong and assuring you you can confide in him—he will insist you tell him, though. "There are to be no secrets between us, Y/N." He will listen without interjection as you vent your heart out, and when you're done, soothe you. Don't let his calming voice deceive you, though; behind that mirror, he's seething, planning to take matters into his own hands.

If you know him as Erik, he will go to you the second he recognizes the shift in your mood and take you from what you're doing, regardless of your wishes. He'll sit you down, kneeling before you with your hands in his, and gaze into your eyes, imploring you to tell him what's wrong. He'll absolutely allow you physical comfort, but he will also absolutely insist you tell. He'll need reassurance that you're not angry at him, because that thought would break his heart.

He will let you vent however you wish. You could have the most dramatic breakdown ever—throwing things, beating your fists on his chest, wailing—and he wouldn't judge you. He would be awfully concerned, though.

Will be 110% on your side. You are his poor little meow meow. "My poor love, my poor Y/N!" He is beside himself with sympathy for you and you only, and is very offended on your behalf.

He will always suggest music as an outlet for your anger, but he will have taken note of your other hobbies and interests as well. He'll fetch your things for you without being asked, as long as it won't separate him from you for very long. If you'd rather just have comfort, that's fine, too. He could hold your hand and caress your face for hours on end under normal circumstances, so no problem there. He may also suggest a little time on the surface, if you normally live in his home. Fresh air will do you both good, he reasons, and he enjoys spending time with you where others can witness it. It fills him with pride and love.

Otherwise, he's at your service for any other soothing activities you need. A calming bath, some sweets, shopping, anything. Perhaps avoid asking for any sexual contact, however. First of all, being asked directly makes him very skittish and nervous; second of all, his method of love-making (when you can coax him) is very intimate and tender, which may be tedious if you're in an angry mood.

Unless the situation is extremely serious or dire, his first priority is making sure you're soothed. Once that duty is fulfilled, however, he is absolutely angrier about it than you are. If it's not that serious, he won't skip straight to killing, if only because he knows it upsets you. He will definitely be writing an extremely strongly worded letter, however. If someone slighted you seriously, they're getting threatened. If someone hurt you physically, they're meeting the Punjab lasso.

Deacon Billings (OC Ghostface)

Deacon definitely knows when people are angry. His step-mom was a passive-aggressive laundry-folder and his dad was a storming out of the house kinda guy; when the two of them were together, they were all hushed but heated arguments at night when they thought he couldn't hear them, or else extremely embarrassing passive-aggressive arguments in public. Growing up, he found himself around a lot of angry people. And there's no shortage of anger in him, either.

So yeah, Deacon knows when people are pissed, and he knows when people are pissed at him. The thing is, he just thinks it's fucking hilarious. He was that kid that would goad peers and teachers just to be an asshole and had virtually no friends as a result. He's a menace on the internet, too: a horrible troll for no reason, stirring the pot even when he doesn't have a stake in the argument. He's trained himself to find people's weak spots so he can strike at them. He does it to make himself feel more in control of his life and his own anger.

So when you're ticked off, he's gonna notice the change immediately. If you made a vent post on social media, he probably knows you're angry before you even see him. He follows all your social media (even if you don't realize it) and checks it constantly. He'd call you out of curiosity to ask what happened. He's open about his stalking tendencies: "I saw your post, babe, who do I need to stab?"

If you otherwise come home angry, he'll be up on his feet, following you around the house and pestering you, trying to get you to tell him what's wrong. If you try to hug him, he won't push you away, but he'll be distracted, trying to needle answers out of you the whole time.

There's no question in his mind as to whether or not you're angry at him. He just assumes you're not; he has a pretty good handle on how you act when you're angry at him specifically.

He'll let you rant all day if you want. You could talk about the shit that's pissed you off for hours and he'd still listen. Outwardly, he might poke you a bit and play devil's advocate for the other side of the argument, if there is one. This is purely for the purposes of being a little shit.

Internally, he's already going down his pre-murder checklist. If it was someone at work, they're dead. Someone in the neighborhood, dead. Online? It'll take a couple days, but they're dead. Even if you're not angry at anyone in particular, just a situation, he'll find someone to menace. He'd walk through fire for your approval.

He's not good with soft, emotional comfort, so instead he'll try to think of something to help you let off steam. His go-to is something competitive, especially if it involves you chasing each other. A Nerf or water gun war, a PVP game with you on opposite sides. He'll put up a good fight, but you always kick his ass.

Once the immediate situation is addressed and you've ranted your heart out to him, he can't keep his hands off you. "Seeing you all pissed off drives me crazyyyyyy." He's grinning, brown eyes sparkling. "Come onnnnn ... I'll get it off your mind!"

Courtney Dwayne Delmont (OC)

Courtney is a hunter of all manner of game, so he's used to interpreting non-verbal cues and body language—when an animal is in distress, when an animal is about to attack, etc. His grandfather was a very angry man, as well, in a simmering sort of way. He would seethe about something before suddenly delivering one decisive strike. Courtney himself is not a particularly angry man, unless some prey is really giving him a hard time, but he can read your body.

If you come home angry, he'll stop in the middle of what he's doing and watch you, still and quiet, just confirming his suspicions. If you leave the room he's in to go collapse on the sofa or something, he'll follow you, looming over you and waiting for you to tell him what's wrong. He's patient.

If you want to vent, he'll sit and listen thoughtfully, doing something with his hands while you speak—probably cleaning his gun or some other weapon. He doesn't look at you. He wouldn't demand greater context to the situation but he would ask "Why?" and "Who?" until he understood Enough.

If you want comfort, he'll sprawl on the couch and let you lay on top of him. He'll probably pull a blanket on top of you to try and encourage a nap. If the nap doesn't make you feel better, he's feeding you protein. Do you like homemade jerky?

Sex is also on the table (not literally ... unless). He's found it's a great way to blow off steam, and he's more than happy to make all worries, troubles, and other thoughts go away for a little bit. Expect that to be the rest of your night, though, because he doesn't do quickies.

Generally, he trusts you to handle your own shit, so he would be more focused on you than whatever made you feel the way you do. However, if days passed and you were still angry/upset/sad, or if it plunged you into a breakdown or was an otherwise extremely serious situation ... just give him a target. It's up to you, but if you tell him to take the shot, it'll be quick and clean. If you're unable to make the decision, he'll decide for you without hesitation.

Kathleen Montgomery (OC)

I'm still developing her so this one won't be as in-depth and is subject to change.

Kath makes it her business to know everything about you. Chances are she's seen you explode screaming while stalking you ... chances are, if you've been in a relationship for a while, she's made you explode screaming. She knows what you look like when you're angry. Besides, she's strong for her size, but she often has to take down people who are much bigger and stronger than her; she uses manipulation and trickery to help ease that divide, so she's good at reading people.

Like Deacon, she also monitors all your social media, so if you made a vent post, she already knows you're in a shitty mood before you come home. Unlike Deacon, she doesn't tell you how she knows, so you're left to assume she's just all knowing. Considering her god complex, that works for her.

She'd probably text you to come home, and she expects you to answer. If you're unable to come home, she'll call you to ask what's wrong.

Once you're together, she wants to know everything about the situation. Even as you're speaking, she's already on her phone or laptop, looking up the people involved. Instead of getting mad on your behalf, she laughs. She's a fan of emphasizing how pathetic or weak the opposition is.

She takes your feelings on the subject seriously, but everyone else in the situation? Insects. Not even worthy of your time or concern, let alone hers. You're obviously in the right here (even if you're not). She'll tell you as much, and say some pretty intense, over-the-line things about whomever/whatever you're angry at.

Overall, however, she's calm and collected about the situation. Your bout of anger is a chance to get you to be reckless with her. She'll do your hair and makeup and dress you up nice, then take you out. Fast driving, drinking, baiting people at bars, menacing neighborhoods ... maybe a little killing, if you'd like.

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Masterlist