#also my headphones are damaged (again) :(

[emrys-rusts]

Haha I love art, kids I love art

[squid--inc]

.....

[ranvwoop]

my favourite part of migraines Is when you get the pokemon poison overworld effect irl. send help

[inbabylontheywept]

the house i grew up in was a little bit of a fixer upper. for the first 19 years, my dad just sort of slowly fixed it, but pretty early on in college, he came into a large amount of cash and decided to just do the whole thing at once. so he rented a different house for like, 2 months that was just a block down from us, and then got a bunch of contractors to fix original house ASAP. it was kind of crazy, but it compressed many years of work into like, three months.

the sitting in a new house for three months was actually pretty fun. and i shouldnt really complain at all (staying at home while in college is a sweet deal)

but.

but. my parents are fairly hard of hearing, and their bedroom in the old house was in the furthest possible annex from everyone else. wheras in the rental it was just in the middle of the house. so without going into details, i was extremely aware that my parents were having sex like, eight times a day. my dad had just retired and i guess they were celebrating, which is great i guess, having parents that really like each other is way better than the alternative, but also, it did make me envy their deafness. i kept headphones on for so long that year i got literal ear calluses.

at the same time, the house my buddy from the shoe incident grew up in flooded. turbo flooded. they burst like, two pipes at once and the damage was so severe they had to redo all the flooring and all the drywall. his family actually had homeowners insurance, which is either incredible or suspicious for a family that used the drained pool in their backyard to store rusty scrap metal. so insurance was handling the work, but in the meantime, they were crammed into a very small hotel room space. we did the math on it then, it averaged about 80 square feet a person.

so one day i got home, and i was chilling, and then six rolled around, and apparently six o'clock was sex o'clock because my parents decided to flex their cardio. i grabbed my headphones and prayed that god would do for me what he did for beethoven, but that failed to work, and then seven rolled around and my parents were still at it, which again, very impressive, but was pushing me to swap out judas for mozart in those prayers. there's a definitive point where you stop praying to be deaf and instead pray that god could take you to a nice field and pop you like a gore-balloon.

i was about five minutes away from that point when my friend called me and basically said i have been stuck in a 500 square foot space with 6 people and i didn't have many marbles to start but what few i had are gone. please. if we are friends, if we were ever friends, take me out of here just for a moment.

and i was still pretty mad at him, but i had pity on the poor guy. also helped that i was desperate to leave the house. so i drove the chickenshitmobile to the hotel and i picked him up, and then we did our normal hangout activity, which was go to food city and buy produce. his normal house was, on a good day, nasty, and his backyard was, as i stated before, mostly used to store mosquito larvae and rusty metal, so what we'd always done before was just walk to the grocery store a half block away and leer at vegetables.

so we did that and it was like old times again. they had some radishes that were expired, so i could buy like, literally an entire grocery bag of them for about $5. so i did. i really like radishes. he got a coconut because he liked fruit and beating things with hammers.

which probably would've been great except we didn't have a hammer, so instead we spent about 30 minutes stomping itike it owed us money. when it finally cracked we cheered like we just got the winning touchball at the superdome and then he ate some of the flesh, and i ate some of the radishes, and we admired the black, starless sky of the city before i took him back to his hotel room.

and then we got pulled over.

i forgot to turn my lights on because the street all around the food city was ludicrously well lit. so it went from being pretty bright, to pretty bright and flashy, then i pulled into a parking lot and a cop came to ask us for IDs which is where everything went to shit:

i’d forgotten my license at home. 

the cop was was actually kind of chill about it - he said he could get by with just an address. except i did not know my address. i hadn't memorized the new one yet. so i told the cop, my house is getting remodeled, i don't know my address right now. and then he went to my friend, and my friend said the exact same thing. house getting remodeled, staying somewhere else, no address, sowwwwwwy.

now the cop genuinely didn't know what to do. he went back to his car, and i was stressed that i was about to get into HUGE trouble so i started eating the radishes and my buddy started eating more of his coconut, and we actually managed to eat like a quarter of both before the cop came back. we ate enough produce that he could smell something weird in the air, and he asked what the smell was, and i said radishes, and my buddy said coconut, and the cop said which, and then we produced a large bag of droopy radishes and an absolutely brutalized coconut, and the cop was just like

so my buddy tried explaining how he was sharing a 500 square foot apartment with 6 people and wanted a fruit he could fight with power tools, and i tried explaining how i'd actually tried buying my parents like, board games and puzzles and stuff but nothing worked - the only thing my parents seemed to like doing right now was each other, and we both went on long enough and pathetically enough that the cop eventually went:

ok. stop.

and we stopped.

and he said do you know why i pulled you over?

and i said, because of my headlights, and my friend (who is hispanic) and the cop both looked at me like like i was the dumbest person in the entire world. and then the cop said no. that's why i'm allowed to pull you over. i checked your car because this neighborhood has a terrible sex trafficking problem, and i pull over every car i can to make sure no one is buying or selling sex. and you two are obviously doing neither. now i could give you, like, four tickets right now, but that would do nothing to make this area safer, so just turn your lights on, go home, drive safe, and try to be less stupid in the future.

and i said okay but i was thinking, you know, damn, this is just how i live man, i don't have a hidden third gear i can shift into. people can't just get smarter because it would be convenient. it's always convenient to be smart. i am literally trying my best.

but i didn't say anything because i was, slowly, learning how to filter what i said. instead i nodded and the cop left then i dropped my buddy off, and the last thing he said was said he owed me for responding to his SOS. I said he owed me for a lot of things, and he agreed that was true. then i drove home with my lights on, 5 under the speed limit, and arrived to a peaceful quiet home. I could’ve wept with relief but instead I went to bed.

the relief was short lived. i was woken up at 6 am by my parents. i swore, and then i prayed, and when i did not explode, i swore again. then i got up to make breakfast before my first class.

[ynverse]

dating inumaki toge

INUMAKI x gn! reader | smau + headcanons

a/n: sobbing head in hands… toge ilysm!! he’s just a insane silly sorcerer <3 i also was gonna gatekeep this for an extra day but i miss toge too much

dating him is so chaotic but so much fun

he’s so annoying when it comes to you. his curse speech is powerful and he will make sure you know that

“kiss me” “hold my hand” “confess your feelings for me” he’s so smug about it too despite the blood that will trickle down the side of his lips (please carry cough drops for him because he will never stop)

always says you’re so needy for him after he uses his cursed speech to make you hold his hands !! you try to act annoyed but you both know you think it’s cute

he loves having you close to him when he’s gaming !! you sitting on his lap with his arms wrapped around you >>

yuuji always asks you to keep him company when gaming because toge will just sigh and kiss you instead of accidentally saying “shit” (yuuji learned it the hard way)

dates with him are either so romantic or joke dates !!! he’s either going to take you to the best underground locations (esp if they have street food) or you’ll be hanging out in one of your dorms, begging him to stop saying “kiss me” so you can go to shoko and get him help

face masks & painting each others nails IS A MUST !!! he loves the domestic aspect esp because of how uncertain the future is for sorcerers

speaking of his face ! he will melt if you place a kiss on his marks. he tends to dislike showing them but he never hides them from you. sometimes he overuses his speech (not enough for long term damage but just to where he can’t talk) so you place kisses on them

always says i love you verbally ! he feels bad he can’t offer words of affirmation directly to you so he spent a lot of time finding safe words he can say. you do have to gamble whenever he sends a voice message though… will it be a cute i love you or will it be him trying to get you to come back to him ? either way it’s <3

literally no one knew you guys were together for a while because you both were naturally close (and he’s really good at hiding it if he wants to) but after you told everyone? prepare to be sick of him

clingy in a cute way so you guys spend almost all your free time together (even if it’s just sitting in the same room)

if you ever fight, he will apologize until his throat bleeds. he won’t use any commands unless you try to dismiss your feelings and he’ll go “please tell me how you really feel” because he wants you to be genuinely okay

he’s also so attentive to you !! he knows if anything is wrong and he will make you feel better

has told you to “run away” during a battle with curses and has never done so again because you wore headphones around him and would not speak to him unless it was text (he wanted to protect you but he knows you want to protect him as well)

gets kinda jealous but will have no shame and be affectionate in front of that person while looking at them directly in the eyes. 100% denies being jealous though

overall he is the love of your life your honor !

[lexilovestom]

LITTLE SPECTATOR

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

— in which: You brought your 2 year old daughter to her first Tokio Hotel concert to see her dad perform on stage. And Tom and the band are so happy to have her in the crowd!

⌞ contains: fluff fluff fluff!! (this is actually so freaking adorable), 2010 Tom ⌝

— The daughter's name will be Nala since Tom said in his podcast that if he ever had a daughter he would have named her Nala like in the Lion King movie! 🥹

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

— Y/n's pov:

Today I'm bringing Tom and I's daughter to her first Tokio Hotel concert! I've always wanted to see her reaction to her dad playing guitar, and now that I believe she's old enough it's the perfect time!

Tom doesn't know I'm bringing her, only Bill. He thinks that I will be at the VIP tent watching the concert with some family members and other VIPs, but nope! I have our little girl with me!

I can't wait to see his reaction because he's always told me from the day she was born that he can't wait to play for her in the crowd and put extra effort in his solos for her.

So here we are now. It's almost 8:00pm, definitely past my baby's bedtime, but the show is about to start. I'm holding Nala on my left side as I walk in the stadium with a bunch of security guards. Fans turn around and greet us with a bunch of cheering, and some even got near the VIP tent to talk to me and hold her hand. They're all so sweet, I'm so glad they support Tom and I's relationship.

"Baby are you ready? daddy's gonna stand on that stage in a couple minutes!" I say to my daughter before the lights dim down and everyone starts cheering super loud. Nala smiles and nods quickly, before I remember I should probably put her ear protecting headphones on since she's still very sensitive and loud sounds like these can damage her hearing. "Baby let's put these on okay? you look so cute!!" I say as I pick her up again.

"Dada?" she points to the stage ahead of us, "yes! dada will get on there in a matter of seconds!" I don't even get to finish my sentence that the music starts playing and the boys get on stage. I gasp and point forward "Nala look!! there's dada!" I watch her smile grow wider and wider and it's melting my heart, "dada!!!". She's such a daddy's girl and seeing her light up at the sight of her father almost makes me tear up. She's so in love with him.

Tom is fully concentrated on playing the guitar, he almost never looks up from it when the concert is just starting since he still has to warm up and relieve the tension. Nala is pretty much dancing in my arms and it's making me giggle so much, she's so cute. "Uncle Billy!" she looks over, "yes! uncle Billy is also there! and so are uncle Georg and uncle Gustav!" she starts waving at them, but sadly no one is looking in our direction just yet.

Some time passes and Tom finally looks up at us, I see his eyes widen and his jaw fall to the floor at the sight of his daughter. "Nala look! dada is looking at us! wave!!" she quickly turns her head, "papa!!!" she starts waving with both her little hands as she also kicks her feet in my grasp, making me laugh as I wave too. Tom smiles brightly, waves back and mouths a small 'hi baby', which I told her about.

Halfway through the concert the boys are playing Pain Of Love, Nala has her arms wrapped around my neck and her head against mine. She's definitely getting tired. It's almost time for Tom's solo and I can tell that he's putting all his heart and soul in making this his best one yet. I tap Nala on the shoulder, "baby look! papa's going to play the guitar by himself now!" she shoots up with a smile and Tom gives us one last glance to make sure we're looking before playing the most magical solo ever. You can hear the dedication, passion and desire to play this to his daughter and it's making Nala's eyes twinkle with lust.

It eventually comes to an end, and as Tom looks at us fully satisfied with a smile, I tickle Nala's belly teasingly "Did you hear that!? that was so cool! wasn't it? dada played it for you!!" she just giggles and curls herself in a little ball from my touch on her stomach. I look up to give Tom a reassuring and proud smile that speaks more than a hundred words. He just smiles back and nods his head before turning back. He got the message.

It's almost the end of the show, the boys have now moved on the acoustic set, Bill saw Nala and waved at her too. They sit down on stools in the middle on the stage as Bill thanks all the fans for coming here tonight, Tom keeps looking and waving at us with a warm smile as Nala sends him kisses.

"I also wanted to take a moment to say hi to our special little spectator of the evening, my sweet niece that is in the crowd with us tonight!" Bill says as the crowd turns to us and cheers loudly.

I shoot up, "Nala look! they're waving at you say hi! hiii!!!" I say. "Hiii!!!!!" Nala smiles as the crowd aw's in unison and the boys all wave back to her.

"It's her first concert and Tom can't stop looking in that particular direction as you can tell!" Bill adds as everyone laughs.

"Aww she's tired..well, should we play just a couple more songs before Nala drifts to sleep?" the crowd cheers again as their attention is back to the band, and the concert eventually comes to an end.

Nala slept on my shoulder for the last 20 minutes, but woke up just in time to say bye to her dad on stage and get out of the VIP tent. We make our way backstage with two security guards, before we see Tom standing alone at the foot of the stage, waiting for us surrounded by wires and lights everywhere. I gasp "Baby look who's there!!", "papa!!!" I slowly put her down as she runs towards her dad who bent down to hug her tight. "Hey princess! I missed you!! did you see me on stage?"

"Yeah!" Nala gets a little shy as Tom chuckles and picks her up. She wraps her arms around his neck and places her head in between it as he has one arm behind her back while kissing her cheek multiple times, making her giggle. "Did you like it?!" Tom asks again as she lets out a soft 'mhm'.

I slowly make my way towards them. Tom looks up at me with a smile, "heeeyy!" he kisses me, "hey!! she was so happy to see you on the big stage and you were so incredible wow!"

"Had any doubts?" he smirks as I scoff jokingly and lightly smack his arm, "of course not! I could tell how much this meant to you, and she loved it isn't that right?!" I turn my attention to Nala as I tickle her belly again. Tom looks at her and then back at me, mouthing a light 'thank you'.

"Where's my favorite baby?!" we turn around to see Bill running towards us with his arms out, completely sweaty, followed by Georg and Gustav who had towels around their necks. "Here she is!" Tom hands him Nala. "Uncle Bill uncle Bill!!!"

"Yes! uncle Bill is here!! hi little princess I missed youuu!!!" Bill holds her close and spins a couple times. "Did you enjoy the show? it was lovely having you in the crowd tonight!"

"Yes!" she giggles as we all aw in unison and laugh. "Hi uncle Georg! Hi uncle Gustav!" Nala looks ahead, "hi cutie!" Georg says while caressing her cheek as he's followed by Gustav's "hey pretty girl!"

Nala turns to look at me and Tom who had his right arm around my shoulders, "mama I'm sleepy" she holds her arms out as Tom quickly goes to pick her up. "Aaw you're sleepy? let's go then, let's have night night." I say as I too caress her soft cheek. Her little curls bouncing up at the slightest touch of them, her small Tokio Hotel denim jacket that matches her jeans and pink shoes, her red little lips...gosh this child is adorable and definitely Tom's twin.

"Let's go home baby come on" Tom giggles softly as Nala drifts to sleep on his shoulder in the same position as before. We say bye to everyone and head our way home. It was an amazing and very sweet night. I'm so glad my baby could see her dad perform, and I'm so proud of Tom for putting all his heart and soul in making her proud of him. She truly means the world to him and nothing could ever change that.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

I hope you guys liked this! it's my first image and even if I'm not very good at writing these things yet, I had a fun time and I hope you did too! make sure to send image requests! I would love to put my spin on your ideas 💕 byee! ♡

[lani-heart]

|| series masterlist || next // previously ||

genre(s) -> angst, fluff, non-idol, hybrid au, poly au paring(s) -> yeowoosan x reader warning(s) -> mentions of abuse words -> 1.1K

I’ve never considered owning hybrids. 

I've always thought that they deserved to be free, and treated like people. Unfortunately in this state of politics it won't happen anytime soon.

Even then, the three hybrids who now live with me, almost seem like they wouldn’t operate on their own.

San… my pretty panther.

He's always been bad at leaving the apartment. When he does, he wears headphones. One's specialized for hybrids to cancel out noise. He can’t handle crowded places, sounds of screams happiness, or fear, or simple everyday noises like bells. You never notice how common it is until you have a hybrid flinch and grip you so hard it causes skin and clothes to rip. 

He’s exotic… and pretty but so so damaged. 

He’s never wanted to sit down and talk to me about what it was like nor do I ever expect him to. He wants to forget… he’s cried out how he wishes he could forget.

If only I could grant that wish to him. On his month anniversary, – when it was only me and Wooyoung by his side – he asked if we could go to the park. 

He loves watching TV. He also finds the sappy movies where you go to scenic places and just… soak it in. San couldn’t do that. That day a kid approached us and asked to touch San, but he wasn’t good with touch either. He flinches… so Wooyoung distracted the kid after they pull San’s tail. Innocent curiosity… kids don’t understand what no means when they are so young. 

After that day he locked himself in his room. 

He hates the outside world. Filled with cruel people and reminders of his past. 

It's a miracle he trusts me as much as he does. I once wanted to take him to a restaurant… but the door had a bell chime. It made him freeze until I commanded him and we went home. 

He will wait for a command and it's necessary to snap him out of it. 

Kun wanted him to continue therapy but he’s still not used to it. Shortly maybe? Whether that's in a year or two or maybe never. 

Despite how damaged he is, he’s truly an amazing person. He’s sensitive and caring… he’s beautiful. 

He cares so much about me, about Wooyoung, even the newest addition of Yeosang.

He always makes sure I'm not overworking with my book when I lose track of the hours. Whilst he makes sure to reassure Wooyoung with praises and sweet nothings everyday. Even Yeosang, he helps him with his traumas… assures him that he has them and that he isn't alone. 

Sannie, my first hybrid and I'd do everything to have him in my life – to be in his heart all over again.

“May this be the first life of many I live with you, you’re my reason to continue living”

Wooyoung… a sweet hyperactive fox.

He could go on for hours and hours doing any activity as long as he was having fun or with any three of us who joined him. 

He isn’t good at leaving the apartment either.

As much as he denies it he's still scared of me abandoning him one day. So when he does go out with me he's always glued to my side. Holding my hand or simply looping our arms.

He also feels the need to “make himself useful” since his previous owners had him do chores and cook for them since they were expecting a baby and were busy. 

His stress also gets him which is obvious because of how clingy he becomes and even picks at his own fur. His mind was constantly working and overthinking and I had to get used to praising him and reassuring him how much I loved him. 

It wasn’t hard but it hurt to know he needed constant reassurance to understand he’s loved by not only me but also to make sure he isn't a burden to San or Yeosang. 

He has a very bad mental health… one which will make him experience very long or even very short depressive episodes. 

In those days I spend most of my time in his room trying to offer him comfort. Sometimes we stay in silence or we’ll talk about nothing important for hours until we sleep in each other's arms. 

I owed Wooyoung a lot… he was there for me when I was in school and when my parents weren’t necessarily present in my life. He was there… he was always there and it's the least I could do for him. 

I’d be by his side for as long as he wants me. 

“I’ve loved you like it was love at first sight! My dream became a reality and I'm not ready to ever wake up”

Yeosang… my protective doberman.

I always found it interesting how my friends thought that San was the most protective and even though he is, San was a sweetheart. While Yeosang was intimidating. He hates the socialite life… in return doesn’t trust my friends. He also hates leaving the apartment, claiming it's his safe haven and always with his silly little nickname… angel. 

Claiming that's what I was… someone who saved him from his life in hell. Brought him back up, made him smile, and forgave him for his sins. He hates being reminded of his past… it's known that I had him and people will sometimes send me emails and texts to ask him for photoshoots. 

He, however, wanted to live a life of peace away from the media and the sins that others committed. 

He hates the attention, the photos, the videos, the whispers, and the gossip when he does come out with me. He’s a dog hybrid… he has good sight, good hearing… and good smell. He could tell when they gossiped about his prostitution background and even said horrid things. Not like he’d ever tell me what they said since… he didn’t want to make me sad or angry. He endured a lot… but he didn’t have to do it alone anymore. She was gone… and she’s never had a chance to get close to him again. 

If he saw me as his guardian angel, I’d act like it. I’d protect him with my life. 

“Why would I ever leave when I’m in paradise? Out there is hell, in here I have an angel looking over me” 

@wonuangel @danirael @angelsaway @krissroo @minkysmilk @mayonnaise-on-toast @robertsbbygirl @superbbananananana @hyukssunflower @kitty4hwa @justconniez @senpai-of-doom @kibs-and-bits @caityelise99 @ilovekinny @ateezennie23 @wooahaelemons @purplelady85 @watamotee33@chidess97 @littlelostdemonofthelight @maliamaiden @burntarm1n @spooo00oky @eastleighsblog @momo-peachy @kitstar1117 @quartzpirate @sunnyhokyu @iwishiwasrichasfuck @theginger543210 @pandolinka @ddaeing @kpopnightingale @slid3er @kekdo-520 @puppyminnnie @sparklinghwa222 @calicanbeevil @itsvxlentine @atinism @loumin908 @smally97 @rxnexxi @acetruepunk @majesticbeluga @namjooncrabs @tashizxy @itstheghostofmypast @smilefordongil @teeziny @totallynotlyntv @kyeos4ng @prodsh00ky @acescavern

please don't be a silent reader !! reblog, comment, and like <3

[rogersideup]

｡°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini♊︎ ✩ °｡

Chapter 6

Little Birdie

Series masterlist

Previous part: Rearview next part: Twinkles

Word Count: 7,800

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions and descriptions of sexual acts, anxiety, and sever depression.

One week.

Steve made it one whole week without you.

It was one of the longest weeks of his life.

Every day for seven days straight he needed Bucky to convince him not to text or call you. That conversation usually happened as Steve paced around his living room, while Bucky sat on his couch, threatening to get up and rip the phone out of his hands.

He couldn't even text you outside of work hours considering you blocked his number from being able to do so, but that still didn't stop the itch he felt to just see your name on his phone screen again.

Both boys were in agreement that Steve eventually should reach out and try to fix the damage that was done, because if your situation at the compound needed to get better just for the chance that you would stay, you at least needed your best friends back. But Bucky knew you deserved time and space away from all of the drama to really process it and figure out how you wanted it to end.

Bucky also knew a week of no contact with Steve would help the both of you stop fueling the fire. The harsh words would settle, reflecting back on the situation wouldn't feel as dramatic, and maybe now Steve would finally find the right words without the sight of you every day.

Plus, he would be damned if he let Steve have a conversation this serious with you over the phone.

Sure, both boys were extremely worried about you. There were a few times Bucky wanted to call and check up on you too, but he knew his own feelings shouldn't come before yours right now.

Meanwhile, the week did you wonders. You spent your days reconnecting with everything you used to love. Your favorite restaurants in the area, old friends you barely got to see now that you lived so far, the old yoga studio you attended 4 times a week, and seeing your family every day was healing in ways you didn't even know your heart could reach.

Filling the mornings and afternoons with everything you loved was important, but you knew better than to completely disregard the real issues at hand. So every night you'd go on a walk to the pretty park a few blocks from your childhood home, and meditate under the moon.

With the one airpod you had left, you'd let music shuffle and allow the lyrics to guide your thoughts. Some were a little to sad to bare, others were so on the nose you couldn't help but to listen over and over again while allowing the words to comfort you like a hug you've really been needing.

You and Steve were still friends and shared a playlist on your favorite music streaming app. Every night at the park you could see he was listening to sad music, and knew he could see you doing the same. Dramatic? Maybe. Were the sad melodies making you feel understood and less alone? Absolutely.

Eventually he got brave and while you sat under the moon and admired the stars, your headphones read the newest notification.

Steve Rogers added new song to playlist: Little Freak by Harry Styles.

You sighed, but against your better judgement you let the song play to understand what he was trying to say to you. Though the song was familiar to you, all this music was new to Steve. He loved listening to all your favorite artists and bonding over the modern music. The message was loud and clear when you heard it.

"I was thinking about who you are, your delicate point of view, I was think about you. I'm not worried about where you are or who you will go home too, I'm just thinking about you. I disrespected you, jumped in feet first and I landed too hard. Broken ankle, karma rules."

You knew deep down that you shouldn't give him the satisfaction of a response. He didn't deserve to be invading your sacred space, he knew how much music meant to you. But on the other hand, he deserved to know how much he hurt you. If he got to send you a message through song, you deserved to speak your mind too.

So you added a new song to the playlist as well. My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift.

"Even on my worst day, did I deserve babe, all the hell you gave me? Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you till my dying day. I didn't have it in myself to go with grace. You're the hero flying around saving face. If I'm dead to you why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed? Look at how my tears ricochet."

After that, your phone was silent and nothing else was added to your playlist. You could see he listened to the song, then once it was over he was no longer active on the app.

You'd usually let your mind really reflect on what happened and what you wanted going forward, but you found that Steve took up most of your thoughts, and what to do about your career always came second to him.

It seems like your Mom and Dad's advice always leaned towards joining the Avengers. But why wouldn't it? All they ever wanted for you was to find something you love and run as far as you could with it.

Jane would've preferred you leave the field completely. You knew the nature of your job left her in a permanent state of unease about your safety, but you always reassured her that you were in good hands so you'd be okay.

Nathan was a little more understanding that not everything was so black and white, so he played devils advocate for all sides, and of course Luca wanted you to join the Avengers.

Hearing all of their perspectives was helpful to see the bigger picture, but at the end of the day, only Jane and Nathan knew the extent of what happened. You kept the whole Steve and Bucky situation away from your parents for the same reason you kept it away from Luca, you didn't want to ruin the illusion of a superhero for them.

Also.... Your parents really didn't need to know the nitty gritty on your escapades with the winter soldier.

All good things came to an end, especially having your whole family under one roof. After a whole week together, Jane, Nathan, and Luca had to go home to get back to their own life, while your mom and dad left to go on a few day vacation they had planned months ago. So it left you, and the family dog, Rocket, you happily agreed to take care of in their absence.

It was actually kind've nice to have time to yourself. You filled the day with morning yoga, brunch with a friend, some journaling and therapy, and a much needed nap. As the sun went down, you threw a toy around the house to try and get Rocket's energy out but it didn't help much. So after you cooked and ate dinner, you grabbed a tennis ball and walked him a few blocks to the park.

Luckily he was allowed off leash, and there was one other dog there for a little while that took an immediate liking to him, so they ran around and tuckered each other out while you sat on the grass and watched.

Eventually his little friend left, so it left just the two of you, the tennis ball, and the twinkling stars above head.

As lame as it felt to admit, the small spotty brown dachshund filled your soul with so much joy that you couldn't wipe the smile off your face. Throwing the ball, and watching his little legs carry him so far, so fast with tiny little hops was definitely one of the cutest things you've seen in a while.

He was a brave and trusting little creature in most aspects of life, but when the rumble of an approaching motorcycle got a little too loud for his liking, Rocket came running back to your side with his tail between his legs.

Sitting by your side, you picked him up and held him close to your chest while speaking calming words to him that he definitely didn't understand. You pressed little kisses to his forehead, and he licked your cheek in return causing you to laugh.

Feeling a little annoyed that the motorcycle pulled into the parking area for the park you were occupying on your own, you stayed vigilant of your surroundings. Fully prepared to leave when the man got off the bike, you set Rocket down and started reaching for his leash before the dog started running towards the man who was now walking towards the both of you.

"Hey! Rocket, no!" You jumped up from your spot to chase after the irrationality fast weenie. Tail wagging, and happy wiggles took over his little body as he hopped up on his back two legs to greet the stranger. "I'm so sorry! He usually never does this, I don't know why he's... oh."

I'm front of you stood none other than Steve Rogers himself, looking delectable and cozy in a cute teal crewneck and some casual pants with sneakers on. You immediately had a billion and one questions, but he was very obviously taken by Rocket who was also very obviously taken by Steve. There was a serious love as first sight situation happening as Steve leaned down with a big smile on his face to say hi to the little dog.

"It's okay!" Steve giggled, squatting down to get closer to Rocket. "He soooo stinkin' cute!"

"What are you doing here?" You asked, feeling throughly confused, and immediately feeling a little defensive and protective.

When he looked up at you, your arms crossed over your chest as a form of self soothing. It had been so long since you felt this uncomfortable energy, and having it ripple through your body once more felt like reconnecting with an old friend.

"Oh, I was just in the area." Steve said sarcastically, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders.

"Right." You agreed. "Casually in the area two hours away from home... on a motorcycle?"

"An hour and 45 minutes is only an hour and 20 on a bike." Steve noted with a shy smile.

"And how did you know that this area you so happened to be in was the same place I was, even though I never told anyone where I was?" You tilted your head to the side.

"Oh, it's easy. A little birdie told me." Steve noted.

"What was the bird's name?"

"That's not important." He denied, still smiling at the dog but standing to his full height.

"I don't know, feels kind've important to me." You hated that you had to hold back a smile as you looked at him. And you hated even more that you couldn't stop thinking about how stupidly cute he looked with helmet hair and a cozy crewneck on.

"Do you want to sit and chat?" Steve asked, suddenly seeming nervous. "...if not that's fine we can talk a different time if you want."

"You came all this way just to talk?" You questioned.

Steve swallowed nervously as he nodded.

“You could've called me." You challenged.

"Sometimes I think the old fashioned way of doing things is better." He shrugged. "...Also you blocked my phone number after work hours."

You sighed and pointed to your blanket on the grass. "Sit."

He quickly nodded and obeyed your orders. He sat first, and you sat next to him, Rocket trailed behind with the tennis ball in his mouth before happily handing it to Steve.

"Who is this little guy?" Steve asked, throwing the ball for him.

"Rocket"

"Like the raccoon?"

“No, he's my parent's dog. They just thought the name suited him. But they're out of town for the next 3 days so he's mine until then." You explained.

"I heard you spent some time with your family. You look a lot happier, do you feel better?"

"So Jane was the birdie who told you where I was." You noted.

"Will not confirm nor deny."

"Mmm" you hummed, reading between the lines. "Yes, it was very nice spending time with people who love me. I do feel a lot better, but it's going to take a lot longer than a week to heal from everything that happened."

"Of course it will, but all that matters is that it's getting a little better everyday." Steve noted. "I don't know if this helps, but I think I put the fear of the devil into Harvey and all his friends. Should you choose to come back, I don't think they would be an issue for you anymore."

"Do I even want to know what you did to them?" You asked.

"I don't think the details really matter too much right now." Steve shrugged once more.

A very uncomfortable silence fell over the two of you, so you threw the ball for Rocket this time.

"Would you like to talk about the hard stuff?" Steve raised.

"Can't we just talk about the weather?" You complained, dreading the inevitable.

"It's pretty chilly out tonight." Steve noted. "You're not cold?"

"Nope." You exaggerated the P at the end of the word.

"Good chat." Steve giggled at the astronomical amount of discomfort and awkwardness you were exuding. "This is never going to get better if we don't talk about it."

"I haven't cried in a few days." You told him. "I'm dreading losing my streak."

"Crying is healthy, and so is expressing emotions." Steve told you. "For example, I really missed you and I've been worried about you for a while now, so I'm here to express that."

"Oh, so you weren't just in the area?" You questioned.

"I took my motorcycle to get to you as fast as I could, because I waited a whole week and every single day that passed by without me giving you a much needed apology was killing me slowly with an amount of guilt I didn't even know was possible for a human being to feel. So no, I was absolutely nowhere near the area."

"Was that the apology?"

"No." Steve denied. "I'm really sorry for everything that's happened. I feel like every interaction I've had with you this past month has been a really bad reflection of my character. I should've went about the whole situation with a lot more logic and understanding, and I should've just listened to you and Bucky before letting anger get the best of me. It wasn't fair to you."

Your eyes stayed fixed on Rocket as he hopped around the grass, he watched you slowly nod while processing his words. "I never meant to hurt your feelings, and if I knew back then what I knew now, Bucky and I would've never..."

"I know." Steve saved you from having to finish that statement. "And our last training was just... completely unacceptable. I wish there was a logical explanation as to why I was so upset that day. Quite honestly, every time I even start to think about it I feel just horribly embarrassed and completely mortified. I'm sorry for not listening to you and telling you that I didn't care. I'm sorry for scaring you and completely breaking your trust. Most importantly I'm really fucking sorry for hurting you. I should've listened better and walked you to medical the second you said something, and the fact that I only made it worse has kept me awake every night since it happened."

"Bucky said you were having a tough few days." You noted.

"It doesn't matter." Steve declined. "I need to do better than that, and I will. You were having some really hard days too, but you never used it as a reason to treat me like shit."

“I was pretty shitty to you."

"But within reason."

"I told you to ignore my existence, called you some not so nice names, yelled at you a few times..."

"Because I pushed you to that level of anger."

"The fact of the matter is that you felt that way because you felt disregarded and disrespected by Bucky and I, and for that, I'm sorry too." You apologized. "I know you weren't interested in hearing me out before when this all happened, and at the time none of the words really came out right. So if you're open to it, I feel like I'd really like a chance to explain the choices I made."

"Of course." Steve practically whispered with a subtle nod, throwing the ball once more for the dog. "But don't feel obligated to. I don't think I would've come all this way if I hadn't already forgiven you."

"This is never going to get better if we don't talk about it." You used his own words against him.

"Ah, so you do think we could make it better?" Steve asked.

"Why wouldn't I want it to get better?"

Steve sighed. "You made it pretty clear in a few different ways that you didn't want me as a friend or even around you at all anymore. A big part of me was expecting you to turn me away for good when I showed up here."

"Oh... sorry." You mumbled sadly, suddenly feeling bad about all the words you shouted at him out of pure, hot red anger.

"S'okay."

"Growing up, I was never really the center of attention for anything. I was never good at anything, I got straight B's in school, I had 2 friends at most. Even as I got older and went through high school I wasn't paid much attention to. I never had a boyfriend, I struggled a lot to make friends, once I even went to my teacher to ask him a question 4 months into senior year and he thought I was a new student even though I had been sitting in the second row of his class every single day."

"...yikes." Steve cringed.

"Yikes is right." You agreed. "I never thought I would exceed at anything at all in life. My big plans were finding a 5-9 desk job to make ends meet then just keep going until I didn't have to anymore. Then I discovered the joy of helping people, realized maybe I'm not all that bad at it, and before I knew it I was at Shield. Then all of the sudden I went from never getting much attention my entire life, to having all eyes on me at all times. I was being held to impossibly high standards, the boys wouldn't leave me alone, it felt like regardless of where I was in the building, there was this big huge spotlight on me."

Rocket had finally gotten too tired to play with his ball, so he came back to you and Steve, and laid down right next to Steve's leg. "Even I was hearing about you before you had made it to high enough ranks to work with me."

"Getting no male attention your whole life will kind've mess you up a bit, but going from no male attention to getting thrown into the compound where only a handful of other women work will mess you up a lot."

"Like throwing a zebra into a pack of lions."

"Even that feels like an understatement." You grinned. "Harvey was the first guy I met that didn't feel like he was going to eat me alive, so I stuck with him."

"He was your first boyfriend?" Steve asked, sounding genuinely appalled.

"He was my first everything." You admitted shyly. "I thought he was one of the good ones, like that one boy you waited your whole life for. But obviously I was stupid, and that turned out to be one of the bigger mistakes of my life."

"He's the stupid one, not you." Steve denied.

"When I met you and Bucky, it was a big breath of fresh air. You guys helped me realize that Harvey was bad for me, but at that point I was already convinced he would be the only guy who would ever be stupid enough to fall in love with me. So I stayed way longer than I should've, but in the meantime I felt like I had opened up to you and Bucky far more than I ever had to Harvey. We started training together and talking more, and at that point I felt like I had given you so much more of myself than I had ever given anyone else in my life. Which I know sounds odd, but we were having these really good conversations that made me feel really vulnerable but in a good way, and we had built so much trust and understanding of each other that I never had to question what your intentions were when you were around."

Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. That was the only word Steve could think of at the moment. How he felt, how he treated you, how he made you feel, he was an asshole.

"I'll spare you details, but after Harvey and I officially called it quits obviously I was really fucking sad. I wanted to see you, but you were away on a mission and I just needed to be with a friend so I went to Bucky's place instead. I had all of this new found freedom, paired with this gut wrenching feeling that I was going to be alone and unloved for the rest of my life, and a good friend in front of my face who was just so kind and gentle...things just happened. I wasn't the one to initiate, but I definitely didn't put a stop to it because for once it was really nice to feel wanted. We didn't even kiss or see each other naked, it felt like less of a big deal to me and far less vulnerable or intimate than most of the stunts and challenges I let you guide me through in training. Bucky and I weren't trying to be malicious and we had no bad intentions in our choice to not tell you, I was just afraid that you wouldn't understand and that you'd take it the wrong way. Which, with all due respect, you didn't understand and by the time I even got a chance to try to explain it to you, we were both so angry and defensive that none of the words would come out right."

Working up the courage to look at Steve to gauge any sort of emotional reaction from him, his face was full of remorse as his eyes stayed set on the dog as his hands gently pet his long body and scratched the top of his head.

You took the chance to take a deep breath and let your palm sink into the fluffy park grass, one last ditch effort to ground yourself before the getting into the hardest part of the conversation. "That fear of misunderstanding and miscommunication is exactly why you didn't tell me or Bucky or anyone for that matter that you liked me. And just like how the information about what Bucky and I did got to you in the wrong way at the wrong time, that information got to me in the very wrong way at the very wrong time. And just like you, I didn't understand, and I felt hurt and betrayed because of it."

You watched Steve's cheeks turn red before he hid his face in his hands and let out a groan, earning a little smile from you that he couldn't even see. "Can we just talk about the weather again?"

"Sure thing." You agreed. "I think I lied to you on accident, because now I am kind've cold."

"Wow I'll never forgive you." He joked dryly, mumbling into the palms of his hands.

"That's okay, we can add it to the list of dumb shit we gotta talk through." You giggled. "Well, seems like that covers the weather category again. Are you ready to come out of hiding?"

He peeked one eye out between his fingers. "No. I kind've wish the floor would swallow me whole right now."

"Wow, I didn't think that you had a weak spot, but I found it." You enthused.

Although it was at much too high a cost, seeing a genuine smile on your face for the first time in over a month was like a big breath of fresh air to Steve.

"I'm not covering my ears, I can still hear you perfectly fine. Please continue." He grumbled.

"Just to put you out of your misery and conclude that horrifically long sob story I just subjected you to..." You started. "I was only hurt in that moment because after fooling around with Bucky and getting the information that you liked me sprung on me, it felt like I had lost the only two people in the compound who didn't see me as or treat me like an object of some weird sexual fantasy. Part of me even felt mad and embarrassed at myself for believing that we could've been friends without you guys seeing me that way. Plus, I had all those people in the compound already saying the only reason I was getting so far in my career was because I was sleeping with you, and I so desperately didn't want them to be right. So, all of that being said, I'm sorry too, I should've never been so mean to you. I'm sorry that Bucky and I hurt you, I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions and not letting you explain yourself while accusing you of things you'd never do."

"Like I said earlier, I already forgave you." Steve slowly let his hands fall from his face, cheeks still stained a pretty pink color.

"That doesn't mean you don't deserve an apology." You reminded him. "We both hurt each other, it's not fair for you to take all the blame."

"I feel like I'm going to throw up" Steve took a deep breath.

"Don't do that" you shook your head. "Please don't throw up."

"I hope you know that our friendship has always meant a lot to me, and absolutely none of it was a scheme to sleep with you." Steve braved through the hard part of the conversation he absolutely wished he never had to think about again.

"Yeah, I do now." You reassured him. "I'm sorry I said that."

"I really just didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable." Steve explained. "Especially in an environment where you were already getting eaten alive. Plus I was your boss, and you had Harvey, and I didn't want to ruin our friendship... and, yeah, I dunno. It was just a mess. I didn't tell Bucky because I didn't want him to tell me to tell you. He figured it out on his own, by the way. Apparently my eyes twinkle too much, whatever that means."

"I'm not uncomfortable, and yeah, you do have really twinkly eyes." You grinned.

"I guess that's your fault" Steve jokingly sassed.

"Oh so now we're pointing fingers?" You took fake offense.

"From this point on, I'd really like it if everyone could just ignore the twinkle in my eyes so we can all get back to being friends like we were before." Steve said, giving you a really easy escape to officially denying him.

"But I think the twinkles are so pretty!" You enthused, giggling when you could practically see his heart drop.

"You shouldn't be saying things like that when you know I already feel like throwing up." Steve shook his head and clutched his stomach.

"But I mean it." You confirmed. "Knowing what I know now, why would we ever go back to being how we were before?"

Steve swallowed thickly, then his hands started exaggerated movements to further get his point across. "I'm trying to give you an easy way out of telling me you don't want me back in the same way."

"I understand, but that wouldn't be true." You giggled. "I do remember you stating very clearly that you aren't my boss anymore, am I remembering that correctly?"

"No, technically I'm not you b-" He rambled quietly.

"Do we think this would do anything to harm our sweet little Bucky boy?"

"No. He's been going out with Natasha and has been trying to get me to ask y-"

"You we're so kind as to cut me some deals, so I've got one for you too. Let's take some time to let everything settle and heal over, then when the time is right, we'll explore more of that little twinkle, alright?"

"Okay." Steve nodded wide eyed and enthusiastic.

"Yeah? Are you going to throw up?" You questioned with a smile.

"Maybe only a little bit." He continued nodding.

"I guess that's better than a lot-a-bit" you justified.

"So we're okay?" Steve asked, twinkly eyed and puppy dogged face.

"We're okay." You confirmed. "Can I give you a hug? You look like you really need it."

Steve opened his arms for you, and you both had to awkwardly lean over Rocket who was instantly stayed tucked next to his leg. Embracing him tightly, you realized just how badly you needed it too.

Both unwilling to let go for a little while, you took the time to appreciate his body heat that was a stark difference between the cold air outside.

"I'm sorry." Steve quietly apologized again.

"It's okay. I'm sorry too." You accepted. "I really missed you, Stevie."

"I missed you too, Bug. I've been so worried about you lately." One of his hands was very sweetly rubbing your back.

"Sorry." You sighed. "I've been trying my best."

"I know. That doesn't make me worry any less."

"I love you." You reminded him for the first time in a while.

Steve relaxed and let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding onto. "I love you more."

Although you could've hugged him forever, the two of you mutually unwrapped yourself from each other.

"How is your shoulder?" He questioned remorsefully.

"Oh, it's fine." You told him. "It feels so much better. I've been doing yoga all week and it's held up nicely."

"Good, that's good." He nodded. "And have you put any thought into what you're going to do about your job?"

"Everyone seems to want me to do something different." You sighed. "I've been coming here almost every night just to think about it. It's really nice that the sprinklers don't turn on at 10 pm."

“What do you want to do?"

"I think I know what I want, but I'm really scared of making the jump." You explained.

"I'm not here to talk you in or out of anything, I was just curious." Steve grinned. "You still have the rest of the week to think it through. But just know that I have no doubt in your ability to handle a big scary jump"

"I can usually only handle big scary jumps because most of the time, you're down at the bottom waiting to catch me." You admitted.

"Well regardless of what you choose, I'll still always be here for you." Steve reminded you sweetly. "I just hope you do what you think is best for you, and not what other people want you to do."

“That's the thing, I don't think I know what's good for me."

"Are you kidding me? You have great intuition." Steve said. "Your just need to gain back trust for that little voice in your head that's telling you what to do."

"The same voice that bullies me every day?!" You asked with a giggle. "Absolutely not, she gets no say in any of my choices nowadays."

Steve close lipped smiled at you, his dimples setting deep into his chiseled cheeks. "Then forget you even have a brain and listen to your heart."

"She's also been really problematic recently." You noted. "I don't like her very much right now."

His smile turned into a pout. "That sounds like a very tough thing to not like about yourself."

"Tell me about it." You agreed. "But we're working on it."

"Once again, I guess that's all that matters." Steve noted. "So you can't make a big decision with your heart or your head, and your shoulder is out of the question. We're running low on body parts."

"Maybe I'll let Rocket make the choice for me." You grinned at the sleepy dog.

"I think Rocket should be an Avenger... actually, I think Rocket should come home with me and be my dog instead." Steve smiled, petting the dog once more.

"My parents would hunt you down for sport if you ever took this dog." You giggled. "He's their favorite child."

"But I love him!" Steve pouted like a child. "He's just so fucking cute! Have you seen these ears?!"

"No pets allowed at the compound" You reminded him, nudging his arm. "Maybe that's all the more reason to quit."

“I think that's reason to break the rules, not to quit." Steve corrected.

"Captain America suggesting I break the rules?!" You questioned with a gasp.

"Am I not the same man who's whole career was founded off of breaking the law?" Steve questioned right back. "When have I ever followed the rules?"

"Wow, bad to the bone."

"That sounded sarcastic." He noted as his eyebrow raised in question.

"Me? Sarcastic? Never." You denied.

Rocket readjusted to get more comfortable, but crawled into the hole within Steve's crossed legs and curled up into a little ball in his lap, with his head resting on his thigh.

"Okay that's it." Steve declared, fists balling up to keep himself from unleashing his cuteness aggression on the creature in the form of hugging him so tight his eyes popped out of his head like a stress ball. "I can't take this anymore. How bad would your parents beat me up if I stole this dog? Because really, I think I could take the beating."

"I simply cannot express to you how much taking this dog away from my parents is not an option." You laughed at his question. "I think my Mom would run you over with her car."

"No way she would do that." Steve shook his head. "She was so nice when I met her!"

"She would not be nice if you stole her weenie." You pointed out.

"Come on, she gave me a hug. No mom that's giving out free hugs could ever hit me with a car."

"That's where you're wrong. Because any woman that has so much love for her kids would do anything to seek rightful justice if you did anything to fuck with them." You corrected him. "Even if she's five foot nothing, and you're Captain America. Don't mess with her baby."

“Oh no" Steve's eyes went wide.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh shit." He panicked. "Do your parents hate me?"

"No? Why would they hate you?" You questioned with a nervous laugh.

"Because I accidentally fucked with your Mom's baby and now she's going to do anything to seek rightful justice." Steve clutched the fabric of his sweater right over his chest. "The throw up is coming back."

"I didn't tell them anything about you or Bucky, other than that you didn't let me quit right in the spot." You explained. "They love you and all of the Avengers too much for me to ever ruin their perception of the people who make them feel safe."

"So why do they think you're here?" Steve asked.

"I only told them about Harvey and the general issues I'm having with all of the other agents."

"Your sister knows." He said. "She made a weird comment..."

"She always makes weird comments, that's just what makes Jane, Jane." You smiled. "Yes, she knows, but she likes you a lot. I think she even took your side, she's been advocating for you the whole time."

"She's going to tell your mom, and your mom is going to hunt me for sport."

"No she won't, and even if she does find out about it, she's a very rational person. As long as we're fine, she's fine." You explained. "Look I'll prove it to you, say cheese!"

Quickly taking your phone out of your pocket and pointing the camera at Steve and Rocket, he smiled and you snapped a picture. He watched you type away for a few moments.

You sent the picture in a group chat with your mom and dad, then immediately got a response.

"See! Look! I said, look who came by to hang out with your favorite child." You giggled at your screen, turning it towards him so show that you sent them the picture. "My mom responded and said omg, Dad is honored. We don't know who is cuter, Rocket or Captain Rogers."

"Okay now ask if I can steal the dog." His cheeks turned an even brighter shade of pink.

"I thought the point was to make sure my mom liked you" You laughed, locking your phone and putting it on the grass besides you. "Trust that I'm doing you a favor."

"Fine, but I'm not happy about it." He joked.

"I didn't know you felt so passionately about wieners, Steven." You giggled.

"What can I say? There's nothing better than kicking back and playing with a wiener." He ran with your joke.

"A nice, long wiener."

"This is ridiculous" Steve's face scrunched up, earning more of your adorable laughter.

Like no time had passed, you and Steve sat and chatted away for a few hours. You could tell the comfortable conversation was helping him resolve his own internal guilt, so you were happy to stay and chat for as long as he needed. But selfishly, you missed him more than you ever wanted to admit to yourself.

His adorable smile and pretty pink cheeks lit up a part of your heart that you had felt so disconnected from for so long now. And as the night grew colder, and significantly later, he couldn't just ignore the occasional chills that would make you momentarily shiver. You kept ignoring them and playing them off just to spend more time with your sweet friend, but eventually you ended up tucked underneath his arm and snuggled up to his side for warmth while Rocket stayed glued to his lap.

There was little you could do to ignore how comfortable and familiar it felt to be sharing warmth with the soldier. By all means, both Steve and Bucky were touchy people on a normal day to day basis, plus all of the training you did with Steve made you very comfortable with his skin on yours.

But this was different. His head that nestled on top of yours that rested on his shoulder, his big hand on the top of you arm keeping you close and snug against him, paired the gentle and quiet volume in his voice wasn't just friendly.

His hold was apologetic, and almost regretful. It was reconnecting, and mending. You could feel all of his unspoken words seeping out from his warm body to into your cold one, and you wondered if he could feel the same thing happening to him through your timid hand resting between his shoulder blades.

Just based on his calm breaths, but still racing pulse that you could feel on his neck, you knew it was different for him too.

But it was a good different, a hopeful and very exciting different.

Much like your shivers that you ignored and played off, Steve was trying to mask his yawns. Unfortunately, this was something that you couldn't ignore. Especially when you pressed the button on your phone and the screen informed you that it was already 11:52pm.

"As sad as I am to have to put an end to this, it's already almost midnight and your crazy ass drove an hour and a half here on a motorcycle." You reminded him.

"I just got you back, I don't want to leave you again." He pouted.

"I don't want you to leave either, but I'd prefer if you got home safely." Your timid hand now gently rubbing short stripes on his back. "Or you can stay the night with me here if you'd like."

A sleepy grin overtook the sat pout. "Thank you, but once again I don't want your parents to hate me. Plus I have my stupid annual physical in the morning."

"My parents wouldn't hate you, they'd rather you be safe than drive home tired."

"I'm not that tired, I'll be okay." He reassured you. "And you can't come back to the compound?"

"No, I have to watch Rocket." You reminded him. "But I'll see you in a few days at least. I'll be back before the end of the week."

"Oh, you'll be back?" He raised an eyebrow, challenging your statement.

"To give my official resignation at the very least, or to move all of my stuff into the Avengers sector at the very most. Who's to say what's going to happen?" You giggled.

"Well, when you need help moving let me know. I know a couple guys that can lift a few thousand pounds at a time, it helps the process go by really fast." Steve egged you on.

"Uh huh, I'll keep that in mind." You rolled your eyes with a smile, and wrapped your other arm around his front to squeeze him in a sideways hug. "Thanks for coming all the way here. It was really nice getting to have a conversation with you, I really missed spending time together."

"Of course. Thank you for even giving me the chance to explain myself. If I were you, I don't know of I would be able to be that gracious." He squeezed your shoulder in appreciation.

"There isn't much I wouldn't do for you." You grinned.

"Oh yeah? What wouldn't you do?" Steve questioned with a chuckle.

"I won't let you steal my moms dog." You stated. "Which reminds me, I'm going to need that back."

"Okay, I guess you can have him back. " Steve smiled and picked up the little fur-ball from his lap and placed him on yours instead. "Thanks for letting me play with your wiener."

"Feel free to come back and play with my wiener anytime." You laughed at his joke, unwrapping yourself from him as he started standing up.

"What an incredible offer, thank you" Steve smiled, now standing over you and offering you his hand to help you up.

"Like I said, anytime." You playfully winked.

Quickly putting on Rockets leash, you set the dog on the grass and accepted Steve's hand. He pulled you up effortlessly and bent over to grab your blanket from the grass.

"How far away is your parents house?"  Steve questioned, subconsciously folding the blanket.

"About two blocks" You shrugged.

"Can I walk you guys home?" He asked, eyes twinkling once more as he shoved his hands in his front pockets to keep them warm.

"Absolutely not" You denied.

He was immediately pretending to be offended with a big gasp and hand whipped out of his pocket and over his heart. "Ma'am, it is pitch black out here and it's already midnight."

You laughed at his response. "Sir, it's pitch black and midnight. Your motorcycle is right there. I'm not letting you walk me two blocks in a neighborhood I'm familiar with because that means you'll have to walk another two blocks back here all by yourself somewhere you've never been. Logistically it makes no sense."

Steve puffed and furrowed his eyebrows. "What if some creepy dude comes and tries to mess with you? Huh? Then what?"

"Then I use all my big and scary self defense moves that Captain America taught me." You answered. "Also, do you not see this big scary guard dog? Nobody is going to fuck with me."

His pout deepened. "What if you start walking home and some dude on a motorcycle follows you all the way home?"

"Is that what's going to happen?" You giggled at his question.

"If you keep saying you're not going to let me walk you home then maybe it will." Steve shrugged.

"I've been walking by myself this late every single night for a week now." You told him. "It's always been fine, it'll be fine again."

"Now you're just trying to give me a heart attack." Steve deadpanned, earning your laugh once again.

"So I'm a good enough fighter to be an Avenger, but not good enough to walk to my parents house by myself?" You asked.

"Yes, exactly!" Steve enthused. "So glad we could have this conversation to clear that up, come one let's get you home."

His arm linked around yours and he started walking. "I think you're absolutely out of your mind, but I appreciate you nonetheless."

Looking up at his face just in time, you caught his smile. "The second half of that statement is really the only part that matters to me."

Your steps synched up with his, and Rocket walked ahead of the two of you. "Hey, Stevie?"

"Hmm?"

"If you actually want to get me home, we should be walking in the complete opposite direction" You grinned.

Steve stopped and laughed. "Okay, you lead the way."

You did eventually make it home, and only when you stood on the door step did Steve let your arms disconnect.

"Look we made it here and nobody died!" You enthused. "Do you remember how to get back?"

"Of course I do" Steve giggled at your question. "It wasn't even two full blocks."

"Just making sure" you raised your hands in defense. "Are you sure you don't want to stay?"

"I would if I could." His thankful grin showed off the shallow dimples in his cheeks. "See you soon?"

"In a few days" you nodded in confirmation.

He stuck his arms out for one last hug, and you accepted happily. After he let go of you, he bent down to say bye to Rocket.

"Drive save! Text me when you get home." You told him.

Steve's face scrunched up for a second, causing you to look at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

"You blocked my phone number" He reminded you with a loud whisper.

"I'll unblock it, but text me when you get home" You giggled.

"Okay great!" Steve smiled big and did a little happy dance. "Goodnight!"

"Goodnight, love you!"

"Love you more!" He waved as he walked down the driveway.

Next Part: Twinkles

Taglist: @sarangheay @firephotogrl74 @selella @talesofadragon @ss28 @nekoannie-chan @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @spikeluv84 @crazyunsexycool @callmissrogers @xxxalicerogersxx @whore-for-chris-evans @em8rin @mulbsstuff @qalijahbydior @awkotaco24 @buckybarnessimpp @nicoline1998enilocin @buckystevelove @rogersbarber @mybuck @dbnightingale24 @ynstark @sincerelytlh @alexakeyloveloki @mrsevans90 @smhnxdiii @claralovescaptainamerica @hisredheadedgoddess28 @bigtreefest

[babygorewhore]

You’re everything.

Eddie Munson x fem reader

Eddie Munson comes home and sees the bedroom destroyed. Your mental health has taken a toll and you feel worthless. But he’s always there to remind you how much he loves you and how he’s always willing to help you pick up the pieces.

Warnings! Hurt comfort. Mental illness. I wrote this with the reader having BPD and autism. This is based on my experience. I haven’t seen much on those two issues. Feelings of worthlessness. Mild self harm. Anger episode. Anxiety. I hope this comforts you because you’re worthy of love and Eddie would love you no matter what. Also the photo used is just for aesthetic. Not proofread.

Thank you to my friends, Dolly, Mae and Em for helping me with this. I love you girls.

Eddie pushed open the apartment door, with his hip, a few grocery bags lined down his arm because he refused to make two trips. “Hey, sweetheart, I’m back!” He shut the door with his foot, did a quick unfocused glance around the living room.

“Fuck, the store was packed! I think you would have stayed in the car, baby.” He set down the bags and started putting away the cold items. Eddie yawned afterwards, closing the refrigerator and stretched. His black, stolen back sweatshirt rising above his stomach.

It dawned on him that you haven’t responded at all. “Baby?” He called again. No answer. He frowned and approached the bedroom door and he gasped when he saw the scene.

The bed was torn apart. Blankets thrown off and the pillows dented. Eddie went to take a step before he looked on the ground. Stim toys were all over the floor. Stuffed animals and even clothes. A few shirts were ripped. He didn’t see you. “Princess, what’s going-“

A hole was in the wall next to the closet. A small one but it went deep in the plaster. Eddie moved quickly. Surveying the damage, he saw a bloody imprint. Knuckles. Eddie sighed. You were having an episode. He should have known. You didn’t answer his texts. You hated phone calls. This wasn’t the first time this happened. Eddie on a number of times had to sit by your side during dark hours.

But he loved you. You were beautiful. His everything. It wasn’t one sided. If anything, you gave too much to him. You were always supporting him. Even when he was unbearable. You stood by him. He would do whatever you needed. He needed you. He wanted you. Eddie knew immediately where you were then.

He gently opened the closet door and he saw you. You were wearing a large t shirt, it went past your thighs and loose plaid pajama pants.

Over ear headphones on, your phone face down on the floor and you were stimming. Rocking back and forth. You were panting, your face flushed and he could see your eyes squeezed shut. Eddie saw your right hand. Your knuckles were bloody and bruised.

He didn’t want to startle you so Eddie opened the door further, enough for you to hear it over music.

Eddie’s heart ached when you turned to look at him. Your eyes were blood shot. Your lips bleeding from what he knew, you bit them or picking at them. Your nails had blood underneath them from biting the nail. You were a wreck. But you were his special girl.

“Hey…” He said, swallowing. “Baby, I-what happened?”

You tried to stand but ended up sprawled on the ground. He went to help you but you jerked away, pulling yourself up.

“I’m so fucking mad right now.” You were almost yelling. But you sounded out of breath. “I-I took my meds but I’m still like this. My heart hurts, I just feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. Everything is too loud!” You weren’t crying but you were growing hysterical. You started pacing.

“Why am I like this? Why can’t I just be normal? Why do I get so upset over the smallest things?” Eddie was standing close but he didn’t reach yet. You were tugging at your shirt. He knew you were getting hot.

“I can’t deal with this. I can’t feel this way! Im so sick of feeling like I’m useless because I can’t even talk on the phone to my boyfriend because I hate how it makes me feel! You shouldn’t have to deal with me.”

“Sweetheart, will you just come here for a second?” Eddie tried to prompt.

“No!” You stopped moving and placed your hands on your chest. “Eddie. I don’t want you to see me like this. Again. Maybe you should leave. I don’t want to keep freaking you out.”

Eddie moved then. And he gently grasped your elbows and looked down. Eye contact was difficult for you and he never wanted to force it. But he tilted your chin, happy if you just looked at his forehead. “Princess. I’m not leaving you. I would never.” He leaned forward, rubbing his nose against yours. “I’m just happy you didn’t break your hand.” He pulled away, glad you weren’t moving away. “You’re burning up. Let’s get to the couch, it’s too warm in here.”

Eddie wrapped his arm around your waist, helping you walk around the mess and he sat you down on the couch. “I’ll be right back, babe.” You grabbed his hand. “I promise.” He smiled at you. You slowly let go.

He tried not to show his panic as he looked for the first aid kit. Eddie came back to the living room, kneeling in front of you. “Let me see that hand.” He asked, pulling it towards him. It was shaking. He was careful, dabbing it with saline and you winced. “I’m sorry, baby.” Eddie went through the motions, remembering how to wrap an injured hand from his own share of punching walls.

After the bandage was around your hand, he pressed a kiss on top. He maneuvered his way up and sat beside you. Eddie held your leg that was bouncing. “Babe…I know for a while things have been really hard for you. And seeing all that today, I see you’re in a lot of pain. And I just want to help you. I love you so much. You know that right?” You covered your face with your hands.

“Eddie, you shouldn’t. I feel like I don’t have enough good days. I’m so tired of always telling you how bad my day was, or that I want to have a meltdown about fucking textures or sounds. I just wish I could be normal for you.” Eddie shook his head, taking your hands down.

“Hey. Hey. I would never trade you for anything. I would never want anyone other than you. The only thing I wish I could change, is how you feel about yourself. Baby, you are so much more than what you struggle with. You’re kind, funny, like so funny I almost snort and I can’t even breathe. You understand me, you are so caring and you let me be annoying when I smoke too much weed. I could go on for days.” You lifted your head. And looked at him. And held eye contact.

“You’re more than bad days, baby. I love you so much. And I know you were listening to our song, right? The one I told you to play when things get bad?” You nodded. Smiling a little. Eddie feigned shock.

“Is that-is that a smile? That’s my girl.” It widened and he grinned, cupping your cheeks.

“Come on. Sing one line with me. And then, I’m gonna go pick up the bedroom. I’m going to make you something to eat and then we’re going to watch your favorite movies.”

“Do I have to sing?” You complained.

“Sorry, baby. Those are the rules.” Eddie winked, still holding tight to your face.

“And I don’t want the world to see me, cuz I don’t think that they’d understand.” Eddie leaned in, pressing his lips softly to yours. Gently because of the picked apart flesh.

“I’m proud of you, sweetheart.” You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and squeezed tightly. Eddie followed suit and hugged you around the waist.

“I love you so much, Eddie.”

Eddie breathed you in. It wouldn’t fix what you felt. But you wouldn’t have to battle anything alone.

Tagging. @xxhellfirebunnyxx @reidsbtch @take-everything-you-can @emsgoodthinkin @monstxrteeth @battymunson @scene-and-dandylover @lithium80sblog @elaine-in-the-membrane

[imaginaryf1shots]

My Girls || I want Daddy

WC: 1.2K

Driver!oc x Max Verstappen

REQUEST: HERE

AN/ This doesn’t follow the timeline, more like a side one shot.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Max Masterlist

Another week another race and as it usually is with the European races Nattie is in attendance. She has taken to being in the garage where some family members are attending. If it's Max’s family she's in the RedBull garage, if it's one of Cecilia's she's in the Merc garage. The girl always has a merch item of the team she's in the garage for, admins of both teams have taken to fighting for her on social media calling her theirs. But if you ask Nattie what team she likes most she'd say Ferrari, all thanks to Charles. The monegasque is one of the couple's closest friends and for some reason he has such an effect on their daughter, Max has been trying for her to say RedBull for a long time but she's refusing. She's seen her parents train and drive. It's normal for her but Charles is just magical to her, as if he’s doing something completely different to them.

Anyways Cecilia had to DNF due to a mechanical failure early in the race, she had finished her media duties and was back in the garage watching the rest of the race, after she dropped into RedBull to get her daughter from Victoria, the cameras made sure to capture the moment and so with her RedBull merch on Nattie watched the rest of the race from Mercedes.

There's a moment at the end of the race where Max and another driver come in contact with each other and everyone is holding their breath as their eyes stay on the screens watching. Max’s car spins around but he doesn't hit any walls, there's a bit of damage to his front wing but he swirls the car around and continues with the race. Cecilia could only imagine what his radio was sounding like at this moment.

“Maman!” Nattie calls for her mother, she has her headphones on looking super cute, but her eyes are wide and starting to tear up.

Cecilia is alarmed, afraid that something might have happened while she was focusing on the screen.

“What is it, mon ange?” She's checking her daughter for any sign of harm.

“Daddy?” She asks, her lips trembling as she points at the screen.

“Oh baby, daddy's okay,he's fine.” Cecilia says and sees Max crossing the finish line coming P2.

“Look, he even made it to the podium.” Cecilia tries to calm her daughter but Nattie seems startled, tears start leaving her eyes. Cecilia sighs and takes her daughter in her arms. Admittedly Nattie is starting to be too large for her to keep carrying her and she's thankful for all the training she goes through because it kept her carrying her daughter comfortably. Cilia takes Nattie to her driver room and tries to calm her down but it seems like there's no stopping her. 10 minutes later when she's still crying Cecilia makes the executive decision to go ask Victoria for help. So she makes it to RedBull, she's led to Victoria by a RedBull personal, always making sure she's not walking around the garage and stealing ideas and data. Once Victoria sees her niece crying she makes her way to the blondes.

“What happened?” Victoria asks the mother.

“She’s been crying since Max took that turn.” Victoria tries to calm the girl down but to no avail, Checo's wife was walking around when she saw them struggling and tried to calm the girl but he also failed, it became a thing where everyone tried to do their own thing but Nattie wouldn't stop. Cecilia was admittedly getting frustrated.

“I don't think she'll calm down before she sees Max.” Victoria says and Cecilia couldn't help but agree. Nattie has been saying daddy over and over again.

“Is Max doing his post interview yet?” Cecilia asks one of the females standing around her, she worked for the press team for RB. When she told the driver no, Cecilia left the garage and made her way to where the post interview for the podium finishers took place.

They were about to start, Max with his super dad hearing heard the wailing of his little girl and the smile he had on his face dropped and his face snapped to where the sound was coming from. His eyes fell on a tired and frustrated looking girlfriend, and his daughter. A lot of eyes went to the female walking in, she was already showered and in her team kit since her earlier DNF. Nattie had refused to be carried now and was throwing a tantrum along with her crying. Once she sees Max though on stage she runs up to him. Max instantly gets up from his spot and scoops her up. He angles himself so no one could see her. Cecilia makes it on stage apologising for crashing the interview real quick before she walks up to Max.

“She's been crying thinking you're hurt after that little thing in the last lap, wouldn't stop.” Cecilia stressed. “I'm sorry Max.”

“It's okay, you go, I'll take care of her.” Max comforts his frustrated girlfriend and she leaves the stage but stays close by just out of sight in case she's needed.

Max sits down with Nattie in his lap. Once again he apologises for the interruption and asks Lewis who was answering a question to go on. Lewis does continue but all eyes were still on Max and the now calmer girl.

“It's okay schatje, daddy is okay.” Max whispers in her ear, his hand rubbing up and down her back in comfort. “Nothing happened to me, I'm okay.”

It takes a few moments but Nathalie calms down, but as she calmed down, her energy also calmed down and seemed to seep away from her. Her red and puffy eyes are struggling to stay open, with Max's arms rubbing her back and her comfortably sitting on hir lap she falls asleep, she doesn't wake up when Max takes the microphone to speak or when everyone laughs at her soft snores being picked up through the microphone.

Little Nathalie just wanted to make sure that her dad is okay. Cecilia felt a hand on her shoulder, when she turned she saw Lando, he saw his friend on screen after he did the media pit and felt bad for the mother, just with the little clip shown she looked tired.

”Let’s go, Max got her.” Lando said, pulling her away from the wall she was leaning on.

”But-“

”No buts come on.” It didn’t take long for Cecilia to concede and follow the brit, Lando had arm around her shoulder as they walked around, there were some fans around but they left the drivers alone, thankfully. as they’re walking they see a screen showing the interviews happening right now. “She’s so cute.”

”Yeah, but man can she cry, almost piercing my eardrum.” Cecilia complained but watched with a smile, Max was running a hand through her hair, and if you weren’t seeing him you wouldn't know that he had a sleeping girl on his lap.

“Max is such a girl’s dad.” Lando comments with a grin, Cecilia laughs but couldn’t agree more.

“And Nattie is such a daddy’s girl these days.” Cecilia says with a roll of her eyes.

”From what I’m hearing she’s a Charles girl.” Cecilia again laughs and nods with Lando. “Which I’m hurt about.”

”Get in line, she wants to be in Ferrari each week, Max almost had a heart attack when he heard her the first time.”

”Well, everyone’s a Ferrari fan.”

“I guess so.”

Taglist:

@luciaexcorvus . @vellicora . @tpwkstiles . @belennasif . @eugene-emt-roe . @fanboyluvr . @fangirl125reader . @christianpulisic10 . @belennasif . @itsjustkhaos . @crashingwavesofeuphoria . @mynameisangeloflife . @mirrorball-6 . @skynel09 . @barcelonaloverf1life

[afyrian]

ch. 9 - march 10 masterlist

    rin lays down on the couch, his broken foot propped up on a pillow. headphones rest over his ears as he scrolls through instragram on his phone. you continuously peek over at him as you finish up ordering pizza for dinner. it's hard for you every time you catch a glance at the boot on his foot, or the cut on his forehead. always feeling guilty about it.

  to the point where the both of you don't hang out as much. you don't watch movies together or play video games over stream anymore. the house is divided and you don't want to end up like romeo and juliet.

  therefore, you figured tonight would be the night you finally fix it. you'll get over the anxieties you have surrounding what happened and you'll also give him pizza. which can only result in a positive outcome. "it is ordered and i have the perfect movie that we can watch," you walk over to where he’s laying, sitting on the floor in front of the couch.

  "you can sit on the couch if you want-" he pulls off his headphones, setting down his phone.

  you shake your head, shrugging your shoulders in his direction. "it's fine rin, you need the room for the foot and everything and i want you to heal properly," you shrug your shoulders, grabbing the remote from the coffee table.

  "well i could just move it to the coffee table," rintarō blinks a couple times, already feeling your guilt.

  awkwardly, you turn on the television, taking in a deep breath. of course his example is a viable alternative, but making him move could possibly be hurting him. or if the coffee table isn't high enough for blood to flow properly, it could damage him further, "yeah.. yeah, but i just want to make sure that you'll- it'll be okay."

  rin tilts his head, letting out a sigh, "what did i say when all of this happened? didn't i say that this isn't your fault? none of it is. and if you don't sit down on his couch and watch a movie with me, then i will eat all of your pizza."

  his tone clearly becomes lighthearted at the end. his eyebrow raising in a suspiciously mischievous manner, arms crossing in front of his chest. "you'll eat all my pizza?" you narrow your eyes, pursing your lips.

  "yeah, i get that you're worried. that you feel guilty, i can see it on your face every day," rin pauses for a moment, sitting up in his spot, "but it's not your fault, it can't be. because you have every right to leave a party early. and honestly, if we were both hurt in an accident, if you were.."

  very little gets rintarō to become emotional. the only times you having ever seen him cry are at family events or when he played volleyball. so seeing him looking away from you as he swallows a thick ball of mucus nearly sends you into a crying fit. "if you were hurt, i don't know what i would've done. so come sit next to me, let's watch a movie and you have to get over the whole guilt thing. or i'll eat your pizza."

  "you know you give great prep talks for such a stone face,” you grab the pillow from under his foot, moving his leg as well before sitting down, resting both of them on your lap. 

  “stone face? what are you even talking about?”

  “you have such a resting bitch face! you do know that right? like even when we were kids you would-” you continue talking, finally feeling a little normal again, back to your old selves.

a/n: shorter than i would’ve liked, but not bad!

[luke-hughes43]

surprise pt 2 | luke and stella

hehe this is a part to this fic!

~

stella's pov

i wake up to my alarming blaring and luke gone. i'm not happy for two reasons: i got woken up, and luke isn't here. i knew he'd be gone when i woke up but that doesn't mean that i'm happy about it.

i push the covers off and go to put my contacts in when my knee is screaming at me when i put weight on it. i limp into the bathroom and get ready for my games.

i have plenty of time because i woke up at 7 but i don't have to leave until 7:45. i text luke to see if he's awake: morning lukey, hope you got home safe last night. sorry i fell asleep.

i put my headphones in and start icing my knee again. at like 7:30 i get dressed because i always get dressed before doing my hair. i'm braiding my hair when the music gets interrupted from a facetime call from lukey. i answer with a small smile, "hey you."

"hey beautiful. what time do you play?" he asks.

"10 and 12. have to be there at 8:15. why are you up so early?"

"i don't know. just am. i am coming to your games again by the way. mom is coming too." luke tells me. i smile and nod. i discover that i am too far away from the mirror to do what i want with my hair and see properly. i climb onto the counter and move closer to the mirror, it also takes the pressure off my knee.

i hear luke chuckle and he asks, "why are sitting on the counter like that? that can't be good for your knee."

"it's better for my knee then what i was doing before. i'm short and can't get as close as i wanted to do this right." i explain and i can feel him shaking his head.

once i finish with my hair i say to luke, "i'll see you at my games i guess. but i gotta go luke."

"sounds good baby." he says and i hang up.

i get my bag and me and mom head off to the fields. we get there ridiculously early and i spend the whole time with ice on my knee. mom drops me off and goes to a drug store to get me a knee brace. this is hurting more than i thought it would.

mom isn't back in time for the start of the game so i'm playing the first inning without the brace. i'll be fine. i am the leadoff to start the first game and after two pitches, i'm drilled right in the knee. the same knee that i hurt yesterday. i drop the bat and grab my knee.

i'm pissed. it's the same team we played in new york a few weeks ago that we crushed 7-0 and it feels personal.

coach comes running over, "jesus christ kid, that knee is a magnet for trouble this weekend."

"must the michigan water."

"in all seriousness, are you ok?" he doubles down. i nod and get on my hands and knees. i take some deep breaths and say, "i think i'm ok. it just hurts. because i turned to avoid it, it caught me in the back of the knee. i'm not having good luck this weekend."

"you're telling me. so what's the move? do you want a runner or try to tough it out?" he asks. i take a second to think about it. i ask him, "what do you think i should do?"

"is your mom here with the brace yet?" he asks. i take a quick look and shake my head. i say, "not yet. i figured that she'd be a few minutes late."

"then i think you should come out. at least until you can get that brace. i don't want you to do permanent damage z." he says. i nod and let a few tears out form the pain and i limp off. he says, "sarah (not the sarah that dates jack) get your helmet."

i get to the bench and lean back against the wall letting out a sigh. i stand to get ice and the pain is so much that i have the urge to throw up. i hobble to the trash can behind the dugout and puke.

avery comes over and holds my hair back. i look up and see luke standing at the other end of the dugout keeping a close eye on me. he says, "hey, are you ok?"

"yea i'm fine." i force out.

i take some deep breaths and go back to the dugout to drink water and ice. mom finally comes with the brace and i put it on. it felt so much better. i start to walk around the dugout to test it out and i feel fine. i run down to the foul pole and back and it feels really good.

i say to coach, "i'm good to go back in."

he nods and subs me back in to my spot. i have a great game after that and feel so much better moving around. we won like 9-1 so it was a great showing for us. i spend all of the 20 minutes game break sitting on the ground with luke, between his legs as he holds me against his chest.

he asks softly, "are you sure that you're ok baby?"

i nod and just cuddle into him. he says, "talk to me stel, what's going on? you don't have to keep playing so why are you?"

"i'm just worried about letting everyone down. trev is doing so well and i'm afraid that i'll never live up to what he's doing. everyone already looks at me and treats me like i need to be this superstar because of him. and i just don't wanna let anyone down luke." i explain softly.

he sighs and hugs me tighter. he kisses the side of my head and says, "you don't have to be anyone but yourself. i get what your going through baby, i really really do, but you don't need to be anything other than you, on and off the field. if stella isn't good enough for them then they can kick rocks. but stel, you can't be playing through injuries like this just to try to live up to trev. you don't even play the same sport. just be you, and please be careful."

i nod and say quietly, "ok." there's a calm silence before i say, "i'm glad your here."

"anything for you." he says softly.

bella walks over with avery and says, "i hate to break this up but time to go stel." i nod and both her and luke help me stand up. i give luke one last hug and he leans down, cups my cheeks, and kisses me softly. he pulls away and says, "good luck baby. I know you'll play great. just be careful."

i smile, "i will."

we go back to the dugout to get loose for the game. bella asks me, "so, you and lover boy?"

"yea. bells, i think i love him."

"you think? you totally do! girl, he looks at you like you hung the freaking stars. and you look at him like he's the air you breathe." bella exclaims. i blush and nod a little bit. but then i say, "no more. i'm not ready to tell him yet so shut up."

bella and avery both say, "lips are sealed."

the game starts and we win. by a lot. like 12-2. the game ended early because of the slaughter rule. we clean up and head over to get the debrief. after coach finished talking, he calls me over, "zegras, come here." i nod and hobble my way over.

"how are you feeling?" he asks.

i shrug, "it hurts but i'll be fine. nothing i can't handle. the brace helped a lot so i'll play with that again tomorrow." he nods and we talk about options if it's too bad tomorrow. i head over to mom and luke.

mom asks, "honey, are you ok?"

"yea. i'm tired and in pain but i'll be ok. just wanna take a nap." i say. luke wraps an arm around me and i lean against him. i hug him and say, "i'm gonna head back to the hotel and shower and get some rest. depending on how my knee feels, i might come to your game tonight. we'll see luke."

he nods and smiles, "ok. don't worry if you can't make it. just get some rest sweet girl." he softly kisses my forehead and heads off to his car. once mom and i get in our car, the tears start flowing from how much it hurts. mom asks, "stella, are you ok? do i need to take you to the doctor?"

"no. i just need some rest. it just hurts a lot mom. it's the most pain i've ever been in." i explain. she nods and we drive back to the hotel quietly. after all 3 of us shower, bella and avery come into our room and the 3 of us end up sleeping in my bed.

i wake up to go to the bathroom and my knee is feeling fine. thank god. because i really wanna go to luke's game tonight. i climb back into bed with the girls and they both wake up. avery waks up as i climb back into bed. she says, "what time is it?"

"4. so we have a few hours before luke's game if you guys wanna come with me?" i offer. avery nods, "i'll probably come. gives us something to do."

i nod and after bella gets up, we get changed to go to the rink. mom comes in as we're all finishing getting dressed. she asks, "are we going to the rink? how do you feel stella?"

"i'm fine. i was just overworking myself to close to getting hurt. but i'm ok. i just wanna see luke play." i say from the bathroom.

she says, “ok. i’ll let ellen and jim know that we are coming. are you sure that you’re ok?”

“yes mom.” i say rolling my eyes. bella and avery come with us to the game too. and halfway to the rink, bella says, "you know that we don't know anything about hockey right?"

"it's fine. i'll explain it while the game is going on." i say to them.

avery asks, "have you ever seen luke play?" i shake my head. i turn around and say, "not in person. i stream his games all the time but i'm excited to see him play in person."

we finally get to the rink and head inside. it's not as packed as i expected it to be. we find ellen and jim sitting in an area big enough for all of us and go over there. i see ellen and smile, "hi mrs hughes."

"oh stop it, just call me ellen. here, i grabbed this from luke's closet for you. i figured you needed one of his hoodies. i wasn't sure how you packed so..." ellen says handing me a hoodie of luke's. it's one of his usa hockey hoodies.

i smile and accept it. i say, "thank you." i put the hoodie on and it smells just like him. i say to ellen, "oh! this is bella and avery. they play softball with me and are my best friends. girls, this is ellen and then jim, luke's parents."

avery waves with a small smile and bella says, "it's nice to meet you." ellen smiles and says, "you too. now stella sit, tell me everything." ellen drags me down between her and jim. bella and avery sit in the row in front of us and i'll join them once i catch up with ellen. ellen asks, "now, is luke treating you right? i know it can be hard with long distance but he's being a good boyfriend?"

"yes. the best. he's everything i could imagine in a boyfriend ellen. he's perfect." i say with a smile. ellen smiles and pulls me in for a side hug. she says, "good. i'd kill if he wasn't. i raised him better than that. how's school and softball?"

"good. the same i guess. classes are kinda hard, softball is going. i'm still playing really well so everything is good." i say. we both look up just in time to see luke get an assist! we both cheer, "yea luke!"

i smile at ellen and then join the girls. i ask, "have you guys caught on to anything yet?"

they both shake their heads. bella says, "not really. i know that they shoot the puck into the net for a goal, and the penalty box is where you go when you break the rules but that's all i got."

"you got all you need then." i say and focus more on the game. late into the third period, the game is tied. luke gets the puck and takes a slap shot and scores! i jump up and down cheering for him. i turn and high five ellen and jim! he just won the game for them.

i'm cheering for him so loud, "yea lukey!"

he must've heard because he looked over and smiled. i smile back with a wave.he goes through the handshake line and he waves me down by the locker room. i look at the girls who practically push me over to the locker room.

when i come into luke's view, he smiles and picks me up in a bone crushing hug. he says, "you made it! i wasn't sure if you were coming."

i smile and grip him tighter, "of course. you came to my games and i had to come. knee pain and all."

he pulls away from the hug and kisses me. i smile and pull him as close to me as i can. when we pull away, he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and says, "hey beautiful."

"hi handsome." i whisper back.

he presses a kiss to my lips before saying, "i love you stella."

i gasp with a smile, "you love me?" he nods and then adds, "more than hockey."

"i love you too luke." i say with a smile. i go back up to my tip toes and kiss him again. he smiles and kisses me back while pulling me close. eventually he pulls away, "i gotta change, but stay right here. i'm not done with you."

i nod and wait for him to change. he comes back out and pulls me close. he kisses me again and says, "what do you think about coming out with us tonight? it's about time i show my girl off to the guys. bella and avery can come too."

I shake my head and then explain, "we can't. we don't go out during tournament weekends. if it wasn't a tournament we'd be going out but we can't."

he nods, "i get it. could we at least spend time together tonight? i don't have a lot of time with you this weekend and i wanna spend as much time with you as i can."

"let me get back to the hotel with the girls, and i'll figure something out." i say. he nods and kisses me softly before we head out to our parents and the girls.

mom takes us back to the hotel and after bella and avery go to their rooms, i beg my mom, "mom can luke please please please come and sleep over? please?"

"if it's ok with ellen, then fine." mom caves. i squeal and text luke. about 10 minutes later, luke texts me, mom said yes! i'll over in 15 baby❤️

i smile and get ready for bed. luke comes over right when he said he would. i let him in and we just end up cuddling in bed all night. me wrapped up tightly in his arms, head on his chest, both of us smiling. just before i fall asleep, i hear him mumble quietly, "i love you stella. sweet dreams baby."

"i love you too lukey." and then i'm out. feeling so safe in his arms.

[namjooning-to-the-moon]

BTS Headcanon- On Tour🥵

Authors note: firstly, this is the first smut on this blog so I hope you like sinning 😈

I would also like to add this even though I feel it's common sense. This is a work of fiction. This is not remotely fact, just my opinions on the BTS members based on their public personas.

Warnings: this is smut, don't like don't read.

My gif use on this post is also ✨flawless✨

This is how I think the BTS members would behave when they are down bad on tour...

Jin

Doesn't get horny much on tour because he's too busy having a good time.

Mainly so he doesn't miss you so much.

If he's in the mood though he will probably just watch porn with his head phones in and get off ngl.

He's a simple man.

Will picture you two doing whatever is in the video.

Might use it as inspo for what he's going to do to you when he gets home.

But he's only watching porn if you aren't available.

If you are he's sexting you.

Will be a cliche and ask you "what are you wearing? 😏"

Even if you say something like "a penguin onsie" this man will find a way to work with it.

Texts back something like "a naughty penguin???🥵

Would do phone sex if he could but he knows he's kind of loud so its not really possible.

Won't ask for nudes but if you send them he will put them in the spank bank 💦

Lingerie pics are also welcome.

Put on his favourite and send him cute pictures.

Sends you photos of his fucked out expression after he's done.

If you've joined in, send him a picture back of your own fucked out expression.

Might make him horny all over again though.

Another round may be needed.

When the post nut clarity hits he will send you a really sweet message about how much he misses you.

Yoongi

Sleepiest member on tour so probably doesn't have much time for it.

If he's only gone for two weeks he can honestly wait till he gets back home and fuck you.

If he's away from home for a while though he's going to have to do it.

He's human and he still has needs.

Doesn't want to damage himself.

Can make himself bust in five minutes flat so he can carry on with his day.

Doesn't need porn.

He has a whole vault of memories of you two fucking for inspo.

Will never ask you for nudes or spicy photos but if you send them he will use them if he feels like it.

They aren't really his thing.

He just uses them because you are in them.

Much more audio stimulated than visual.

Phone sex, yes and please.

Has a filthy mouth. 

He knows it and you know it.

Tongue technology™ will ruin you.

Tells you about all the things he's going to do to you when he gets home.

He will take his time and go into explicit detail.

The things he says would make a whore blush fr.

Before he goes on tour would love it if you let him record the sound of you when you guys are fucking.

Will be super quiet while he records it so it may be awkward for you but he wants to make sure there is only your sounds on the audio.

Will listen to it on his headphones when he's picturing you to get off. 

^This gif is literal perfection for this and I am not even remotely sorry for using it.

Hoseok

Not the biggest fan of touching himself but does it because he needs to.

Makes him miss you more.

Phone sex.

Facetime sex.

He needs it.

He needs to be able to see or hear you.

He's addicted to you.

If you aren't available though he will use his ✨imagination✨

Doesn't find porn satisfying anymore and it gets him frustrated because it's not you.

You guys could make a sex tape a thousand times better than any porn.

The only thing that holds him back from making one is the paranoia that it could get leaked somehow.

He will eventually cave in though and probably ask if he can film himself cumming across your ass cheeks and dripping down your thighs.

It's anonymous enough if it got leaked that no one would know 👌🏻

Wont ask for photos but will drop hints that he wants them.

Wants it to be your choice to send them otherwise it's not fun for him.

If you are available he prefers facetime sex but phone sex is also good with him.

Lowkey an exhibitionist with facetime sex

Will tease the fuck out of you.

He's on tour not dead.

Hope you like getting edged from thousands of miles away.

Namjoon

Lowkey stressed on tour because he has five idiots and a Yoongi to take care of, so doesn't do it often.

But when he does he needs it bad.

Not really into porn anymore but if you aren't available he will watch it.

There's a catch though...

The girl has to look like you in some way.

Either same hair colour, or same skin tone, maybe same kind of facial features. 

Something about them has to remind him of you or he can't get off.

If you are available though, phone sex for days.

Biggest dirty talker in the group.

His mouth is actual filth.

Loves giving you instructions on how to touch yourself for him.

He's thousands of miles away but that pussy is still his.

Those are the rules ok.

Wants you to tell him how bad you need him.

Dirty talk him the fuck back, he loves it.

Will also ask for photos subtly because he doesn't want to seem pushy.

If you let him film you he will never watch porn again.

Give him a blow job the way he likes and let him film it and he will wife you. I don't make the rules.

Probably would never ask for it though because he knows he's clumsy af and will probably lose his phone.

The thought of that honestly gives him a borderline aneurysm.

Will think about it frequently though.

^This gif is chefs kiss perfect and I will not fucking apologize.

Jimin

It doesn't matter if this man is on the fucking moon.

He is highkey horny most of the time.

Being on tour is fun but the way he misses you actually hurts him.

Has deadass thought about flying you out just to get laid.

Doesn't like porn, would rather use his imagination and his memory bank.

Will ask for photos to add to the ones he has already.

Has a fap folder 💦 of you.

This man has a cam fetish I am 100% convinced .

Anything you can give him he will accept.

Lingerie pics? Cool. Nudes? Also cool.

Even just a pic of you in a short skirt peaking out some underwear is good with him.

Just give this man any small crumb of pussy please hes begging.

Phone sex? Loves it. Especially if you praise him and tell him how to touch himself.

Facetime sex? Fucking loves it omg.

Jimin is a highkey exhibitionist and I will die on that hill.

Needs to have his own room to do it though so it's rare but when it happens omg.

Your own personal cam boy fr.

Will ask to film you before he goes on tour.

Nothing too extreme though.

Wants a pov video of you on your back with his cock sliding in and out of you.

That way he can see pussy, tits and face.

The essentials™

Call him a good boy on camera and it will make him cum every time.

Taehyung

Also on team highkey horny most of the time.

Being on tour doesn't change his sex drive much so he is fr suffering.

Doesn't like porn because he's too emotionally connected to you sexually and it makes him feel like he's cheating.

He just feels guilty the whole time.

Not the vibe he's going for.

Has a very vivid imagination so he's got plenty of explicit memories to work with.

Will sext you constantly.

Even if you are at the grocery store, expect a text from his horny ass in a different timezone saying hes touching himself thinking about you sucking him off.

Will deadass ask for photos.

Absolutely no shame.

Will take anything you give him.

His favourite though is when you make them artsy.

Lingerie photos but with you holding some flowers? Hot.

Nudes but you are slightly covered by the bed sheets? Also hot.

Phone sex is ok but not his favorite.

Mainly likes to hear you moan his name down the phone.

Facetime sex is where it's at.

Prefers being able to see you.

Will sometimes out of the blue send you a video of him in the bathroom of his hotel room in front of the mirror getting himself off.

Texts "just for you baby" as the caption

Jungkook

When he's on tour he's very focused.

After shows he's mostly sleepy and hungry.

He is also a lot of the time lowkey horny. 

The energy and the adrenaline from performing makes him dtf.

You aren't there though so he's kind of suffering.

Will ask for photos but will be cute about it.

Sends texts like "nudes? 👉🏻👈🏻"

Send him teasing videos and he will whine but lowkey loves it.

Be warned though...

He will break your back like a glow stick when he comes back home.

Film yourself stripping out of lingerie and he will watch it the whole time he's on tour.

Send him a video of you sucking a lolipop and winking at the camera and he will lose his mind.

Will watch porn if he has to.

Also on team, the girl in it has to resemble you in some way.

Too shy for facetime sex or phone sex.

Loves sexting though.

Will write you the filthiest texts like omg.

Also tells you about how he's going to fuck you when he gets home.

All I can say is don't expect to use your legs for a few days when he gets back.

Authors note: I would like to say that I wrote this out, edited it to perfection just for Tumblr not to let me post it. But you know what, I fucking did it all over again, you're welcome and fuck you Tumblr mobile app.

[minawritesfanfic]

Backyard Boy Part 1

Rodrick Heffley x Reader

Word Count: 4,196

Summary: Moving to the most boring town in one of the smallest states was supposed to be uneventful, but after meeting the boy in the house behind yours you come to realize maybe Plainview isn’t so bad.

Part 1

Next

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

I let out a soft yawn as I flipped to the next page of my book. Reading was one of my only solace in the unfortunate, and very unfair, situation I found myself in. I'd been forced by my parents to go outside to get some fresh air and sunlight! Which was hard given the fact it was a cloudy and dry Tuesday afternoon. I could sort of see where they were coming from, it's true since school ended three and half weeks ago I hadn’t left the house. Like at all, this was my first time even being in the backyard since we moved in. So obviously my parents were starting to get worried, but I don’t know what they truly expected from me when they moved the entire family to another state a little over a week before summer vacation. Everyone at school already had their long-since-established cliques, not to mention most were too preoccupied with the finals they had to take. So consequently when a student transfers in at the last minute nobody really cares, not to mention those who were envious of my being able to skip out on finals. Though I still had to take them the week prior at my old school and was forced to sit in classes during a test I’d taken ages ago. Regardless, that situation wasn’t a breeding ground for blossoming friendships.

I closed my book with an annoyed huff, just thinking about it again was working my nerves. I was hurt and annoyed with my parents for uprooting my entire life with little to no warning, they did apologize for it though. They let me go all out in decorating my room and revamping my wardrobe, which made the move a bit easier. I just wish they didn’t expect me to do something other than be a shut in? I had no friends and I was stuck in a new town and state with a killer wardrobe. It killed me inside having nowhere to wear all the cute new clothes I had, I started wearing them to do the most absurd things. Laundry, the dishes, feeding our pets, and reading outside on the hammock.

I continued to ramble on in my head fuming but also gushing over how much I loved my new clothes. I was abruptly shaking from my thoughts when I was lightly drenched in a wave of water, it felt like some sick sign from the universe for me to calm down.

Screw the universe’s sign, I was pissed off. Not only was I now wet, but the water may have damaged my book and ipod. I quickly assessed the damage to both and I was relieved to see they were both mostly unharmed. I climbed out of the hammock and slid my headphones down to hang around my neck. I kind of just stood there in the backyard trying to figure out where the water came from, maybe we had sprinklers installed and I just hadn’t realized? I was given a hint when another wave came over the fence and this time drenched my hair, I could feel my blood pressure rising as water trickled down my forehead all over my face. I spit the water away that pooled over my lips and wiped my now damp face, and stomped my way over to the fence. I couldn’t see over nor through it but I could hear someone on the other side, thankfully there was a cute wooden bench on this side of the fence. I climbed on top of it, a bit skeptical about whether or not it would be able to support my weight. I know that it was something that the previous owners had put in and they owned this house for nearly three decades. Who knows how old this thing is and when the last time it was maintained?

I stood at the fence peering over the edge, I found the water assaultant on the other side. It was a greasy-looking boy who looked about my age, as he was turned around I couldn’t see what else he looked like nor what he was doing. Just his dishevelled black hair and black shirt. After a moment he turned around and appeared to be jamming out as he used his hose as an instrument, his eyes were shut tightly as he made little noises as he put on a performance. It was evident from his actions and appearance that he was some sort of alternative or emo kid, from the skrunkly bangs and darkly coloured outfit. The headbanding and mini concert he was doing only confirmed that assumption for me.

Though the fact he was using the hose as an instrument explained why I kept getting sprayed with water though, I just leaned against the fence watching him with an amused grin. I was honestly in awe of how he could be so far in his own world and not notice my presence. I laughed out loud as his performance came to an end and started to clap, when he let out a startled yelp jumping back and swinging the hose wildly, leading to him spraying me and himself.

“Wonderful performance but twenty points off for the water show, I didn’t know I bought tickets to an aquarium.” I joked as he looked up at me with wide eyes and a flustered face.

“Oh shit! I’m sorry, I didn't know anybody lived there anymore.” He said quickly

apologizing before picking up the hose he dropped.

“Really? I find that hard to believe, we moved in like a month ago. How did you not notice someone moving into the house behind you?”

“I have much better things to do than worry about who’s coming or going in the neighborhood.” He said walking back towards his house to turn off the hose and put it away.

“Oh really, like what? I can hardly believe there’s anything cool to do in this boring little town.”

“Yeah really, and there’s plenty of things to do here you just don’t know where to look. Lucky for you I know all the great spots in town like the skate park, this really good ice cream parlor, smoke spots if you're into that, plus there’s even a cool band that performs in town.” He said with a smug smirk as he ran a hand through his hair, it gave me a clearer view of his face which if I was being honest wasn’t half bad.

“Okay maybe there is something to do here, you definitely have to show me to that skate park though. But there’s no way in hell any cool band is playing in this tiny ass town.”

“Ouch! You don’t think my band’s cool? Great things come from humble beginnings, you’ll change your mind once you actually hear us play.” He feigned hurt, though his confident and boastful demeanor softened a bit.

“I guess we will have to see, what’s the name of this ‘cool’ your band anyways?”

“Löded Diper and I’m Rodrick the founder, drummer, and occasionally lead vocalist.” He said, flashing me a toothy smile.

I introduced myself in return, “Nice to meet you, Rodrick. Though I wish it was under more dry circumstances.” I said with a dry laugh as I shook out the moisture from my hair.

“Yeahhh, again I’m sorry about that. I could take you to the skate park and get you a spot at our next gig if it’ll make up for it.” He said looking away with a reddening face.

“Sure, but only if we get ice cream too, then I’ll forgive you.”

“Oh, wow okay! Well uhm, our gig is this Friday, so we’d have to do the skatepark and ice cream after that. Let me go get you a ticket and flyer, I’ll be right back!” He said and quickly sprinted back into the house.

I laughed at his eagerness and jumped off the bench, and walked back over to the hammock. I’d left my book to dry out in the dried sun and seemed to be fine, I also made sure to check my ipod again which was also fine. So beyond the discomfort of damp clothes sticking to my skin and the water trickling down from my hair, everything was fine. I heard Rodrick come back, his breathing was heavy and he wasn’t exactly a quiet runner. I climbed back up the bench and leaned over the fence again.

“Here's your ticket and this is the flyer that has the address and time. I also wrote my uhh numbers on the back for whenever you wanted to skate.” He said as he passed them over to me, I skimmed its content before nodding.

“Okay cool, I guess I’ll see you sometime Friday. I’m gonna go inside and dry off now, so later skater.” I just smiled awkwardly as the air between us had kind of grown stiff, I waved with the flyer in hand and retreated into my house.

★ ✮ ★

Before I knew it Friday evening had crept up on me suddenly. For my parents Friday couldn’t have come fast enough, they were ecstatic to hear that I was going out to do something in town unprompted. You’d think I’d won the lottery with how they were acting, which I wanted to take offense from. But it really was quite the event for me to leave, I’d originally been the type of person to rarely be at home. My parents usually had to chase me down just to be sure I’d be home for dinner.

I was also honestly excited to get out the house again, this wasn’t like where we used to live and there was a major city just a thirty minute commute away anymore. So being invited out to do something was a welcomed change, I definitely didn’t like shutting myself inside all month.

As my mom drove me to the venue I pulled down the vanity mirror and double checked my appearance. This will be my first time out in a while, and I’d hate to not look good doing it. I put on my favourite shirt and bottom duo, despite the different styles they fit together seamlessly and I couldn’t just not wear them. After I was happy with my looks I flipped the mirror up and continued to stare out the window. Fiddling idly with my seatbelt as I always did, buildings and houses flying past as my mom practically sped through the town.

“Are you excited sweetpea?” My mom asked, glancing over at me.

“Yeah, I missed going out like this. I can’t wait to be out there enjoying the town again, although I don’t know how I feel about being crammed inside a venue with a bunch of strangers by myself. It’s a lot easier to get lost in a place like this.”

“Aw well do you want me to come with you? I’m quite interested in this summer festival too, which means that I can finally get my groove on.” She said with a laugh dancing a little in her seat.

I laughed but cringed slightly when she did the Dougie, “Not if you dance like that! I can already feel myself dying of embarrassment...”

“Oh hush, back when I was your age I was a dancing machine. You kids nowadays are too sensitive and hate having fun, such a shame.” My mother teased with a sigh as she pulled into a parking spot.

“I’m sure you were Mom, but I think I’ve got this on my own. Wish me luck?” I said as I got out of the car with my bag.

“Okay sweetpea good luck, just call if you need me. I’ll be right down the street, okay?” I just nodded and waved as she pulled off.

And there I was alone in the parking lot, as I made my way to the venue's gates I could hear music already. Rodrick’s band wasn’t supposed to play until late into the event, so I decided to show up a bit later. The festival was in full swing, despite the size of the town it seemed like there were thousands of people here.

As I passed through security I just stared in awe at the liveliness of the event. The air smelt delicious from all the food stalls, and people were dancing, sitting, and running around. I squeezed through the sea of people and found a cozy spot on the grass off to the side, its view of the stage wasn’t the best it would work for now.

I was starting to regret not having my mom come with me. Sitting alone in the grass surrounded by families and large groups of friends laughing made me feel out of place. I don’t even know why I came to this in the first place, it's not like Rodrick would even know if I came or not. Not to mention based on the lineup for the festival none of these bands played music I was really a fan of, so even if it wasn’t bad it’s likely not going to be something I’ll enjoy.I could feel even more negative emotions bubbling inside of me, I took a deep breath and stood. Then I made my way towards the food stalls in the hopes that a nice snack would calm my nerves.

There were a plethora of things to choose from, but once I saw the funnel cake stand I knew exactly what I wanted and made a beeline for it. I hopped into the short line and waited my turn, I practically drooled at the smell and felt all the negative emotions and thoughts drifting away. Which once again confirmed that food makes basically everything better or at least more tolerable.

“Oh my gosh, I love love love your shirt. Can I have it?” A stranger said placing a hand on my shoulder and pointing to my shirt, I was caught off guard by this then again when a hand pulled them away by the face.

“Reese that’s borderline assault stop it, sorry what they meant to say was where can they get one? That is a really cute shirt though, might I add” A boy said, stepping in front of ‘Reese’ with a smile.

“Thank you, I got it from a concert I went to. It was a small one though but I think their name was ‘The taxpayers’?”

“Oh, sick! I love that band, I listen to them all the time. That’s it we’re officially best friends now, I’m Reese!” Reese’s eyes lit up as they clasped my hands in theirs, shaking our hands violently up and down that I couldn’t help but laugh.

I introduced myself in return with a smile, “You’re quite the character aren’t you Reese? I love to be best friends with you.” Albeit the fact I was a bit thrown off by the abrupt friendliness, but I welcome having the idea of having a friend considering I had none here.

“That’s such a lovely name, I’m Alejandro by the way. If you’re up for it you should totally come and sit with us. I'm sure our other friends would love to meet you.” Alejandro said with a smile and Reese just nodded practically jumping up and down.

“Oh yeah sure! I’d actually really like that since I’m kinda here all on my own,” I said shyly as I quickly ordered my funnel cake, then stepped off to the side to wait for it to be done.

“Yes, yes, yes!!! This is gonna be so awesome, but is this your first time at the festival? I haven't seen you around town before?”

“A friend of mine is supposed to be playing here tonight, but it is my first time. I moved here pretty recently.”

“That makes sense, where did you move here from?” Alejandro asked as he joined us on the other side of the stall.

“New York, not from the city though but I did live pretty close.”

“Oh wow, that’s so cool. I’ve always wanted to go to New York City, there are so many places to visit and shops to see.”

“Yeah, it's a beautiful place but the rats there are as crazy as you think. I saw one this one time that was almost as big as my head!” I said as I moved my hands to my face to demonstrate how large the rat was, but then quickly turned around to grab my funnel cake as the man called my name.

“Gross, I can’t stand rats and shit. I think I’d absolutely die if I saw one of those. Anyways, is there anything you need to grab before we head over to our group?” I laughed and nodded as I ate a piece of my funnel cake.

“Uh yeah, I left my blanket over there.” I pointed to the left where I spied the floral blanket I’d brought with me.

“Perfect, our group is kind of over that way too, come on.” Reese grabbed my hand again and dragged me with them.

I quickly picked up my blanket and tossed it over my shoulder as I stumbled along with Reese and Alejandro. Eventually, we stopped at a collection of blankets near the front of the stage, there sat two girls and a boy. I made eye contact with the boy, he was pale and wore a navy blue sweater and light blue jeans, he smiled at us and waved. This led to the two girls turning around to look at us, one was a dark-skinned girl with long brown braids wearing a white crop top and long pink skirt. The other girl who was larger had pale skin and bright pink hair, wore a plaid yellow romper with a white undershirt.

“Well, who’s this cutie pie?” The girl in pink said, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

“My new best friend! Meet the gang!” Reese introduced me to everyone as we sat down on the blankets with them.

I learned that the girl in pink was Renatta, the pink-haired girl was Cecily, and the boy was Nolan. It was quickly evident how vastly different they all were, it was honestly the most unlikely group of friends. Renatta was definitely someone you’d see walking along with the popular girls at school, Cecily was an artsy bookworm, Nolan was harder to read but it was clear he ran in similar cliques that Renatta did, Reese was the big goofball of the group and artsy like Cecily, and Alejandro was on the quieter side but he definitely the fashionista amongst the group.

“Anyways, you said you had a friend playing in the show. Who’s your friend, I’m absolutely dying to know?” Renatta said turning to me as she waved off whatever Nolan was going off about.

“Oh yeah, his name is Rodrick and he’s here with his band. They should be playing soon.” Alejandro spit out their drink into the grass beside them and Cecily laughed.

“I can’t believe they let him perform after the last time,” Renatta said, shaking her head as she tutted, the whole group seemed to have similar reactions.

“What happened the last time..?”

“Oh, right you’re new here. He performed at this one girl Heather’s sweet sixteen a while ago and knocked a bunch of shit, and caused her to trip into the chocolate fountain. Renatta was there and said it was awful!” I cringed at the thought as Cecily explained.

“Yeah, Heather’s practically had it out for him since. Though don’t tell her I said this I think she deserved it, she’s way too self-centered for her own good.” Renatta interjected, rolling her eyes.

“Jeez, well let’s hope nobody gets turned into dippable food this time,” I said with a laugh.

As if on cue, I saw Rodrick and his band walk up on stage. I waved at him though I doubt he saw me as he introduced his band, once he was done they quickly went to play. It was interesting hearing them play the punk rock version of a pop song but it honestly wasn’t bad. Rodrick moved wildly as he played and it was clear he was in his element and having the time of his life. His band only played three songs and were off the stage relatively fast but they played well regardless. Plus no one was turned into a chocolate treat this time around.

★ ✮ ★

I waved goodbye to the new friends I made as they all headed home, as I looked down at their freshly saved contacts in my phone I received a text from my mom. She was going to be a bit late as she’d gone a bit further than just down the street to run some errands. I just responded with a simple okay and leaned against one of the brick pillars outside the venue. I couldn’t help but yawn, I’d had a blast dancing with Reese and them. It was fun but exhausting, not to mention it was already nearing ten pm. The sun had long since set and the only light coming through the cloud sky was from the street lamps. Thankfully there were still people slowly trickling out of the venue, so I didn’t feel too bad about being alone in the dark of an unfamiliar place.

“Heya neighbor, how’d you like the show?” A familiar voice called from my left, I turned and found Rodrick walking towards me.

“It was pretty good, I saw you guys play and I’ll admit you were right. Your band is kinda cool, never thought I’d hear a pop cover of Gwen Stefani’s Sweet Escape,” I laughed as I stood straight and walked over to him.

“I can’t see how you could ever doubt me,” he shook his head with a prideful smirk.

“Well, when you crash a sweet sixteen party it's a bit hard to put my complete faith in you.” His face flushed red and he groaned as he brought his hands up to cover his face.

“You heard about that already?! Ugh I’m never going to live that down…” He groaned into his hands as he dragged them down his face, I just laughed and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah I did in immense detail, I heard your rendition of Justin Beirber’s Baby was the performance of the century!”

“Please don’t remind me, I just barely got people to stop talking about it at school. I don’t think I could handle any more reminders of that embarrassing night.” He shuddered as he exaggeratedly shivered at the thought.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry. But still you did really well out there, plus I could tell from down here how much of a good time you were having.”

“Thanks, that means a lot.” He quickly cleared his throat, “Anyways are you free tomorrow? I still owe you that visit to the skatepark and ice cream.”

“Yeah I am, I almost forgot about that. Which reminds me too, I forgot to ask, do you skate Rodrick?”

He shook his head, “No not really. I only go there because I have a friend who does, he’s actually in the band too.”

“Aw that’s a shame but fair enough. This is my first time meeting a drummer that’s not a skater though, usually, it’s the other way around or some other instrument.”

“That’s odd, I just never really found the time to skate. I’m usually practicing with my band or dealing with my brother, so not a whole lot of free time.”

“Well if you’re up for it you can borrow an old board of mine and try skating with me, heads up though I suck at teaching.” We both laughed

“Maybe I’ll try it out.”

“Yeah, come on, don't maybe me. It’s tons of fun, plus I need a skate buddy.” I said as I spied my mom pulling into the parking lot.

“Fine, but only if you help me learn to ride before going to the park. I can’t fall in my ass around a bunch of my friends, I think I’d quite literally die.”

“Oh come on you’ll be fine, but still we can do that. My place at noon tomorrow then? We could practice first, go get ice cream, and then head down to the park. How’s that sound?”

“Ugh that’s so early but fine that works I guess.”

“Okay great, I’ll see you tomorrow then Rodrick. Bye!” I said giving him a quick hug before jogging off towards my mom's car, but quickly stopped and turned to him. “Oh yeah, do you need a ride home?”

“No, I drove here with my bandmates. Thanks though.” He said with a wave as he walked off toward the far end of the parking lot.

I just continued to my mom's car as she gave me a curious look. She didn’t say anything during the car ride home but I knew she'd have a million questions for me once we got home. And despite the fluttery feeling in my chest, I was dreading answering the bajillion questions she likely had.

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

[kk095]

Role Reversal

*good evening everyone! The poll has concluded and the first option received the most votes. I plan on posting the other two stories in the near future, so in the event you voted for those stories, don't worry! You'll definitely see them soon. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story!*

Dr Lindsay is one of our beloved, go-to characters. She’s talented, smart, and always trying to go above and beyond for her patients. You can also add looks to her already impressive resume- she’s a tall woman in her early 30s, standing around 6 feet tall, with a slim but toned, athletic build, light brown hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a cute, tomboy type of appearance. Time and time again we’ve seen Lindsay’s hands inside a beautiful lady’s chest, but what if she was the one on the trauma room table for once? That’s just what happened in an alternate reality.

Lindsay was off that morning, but even on her days off, she’d get up early and go for a run. She ran track at a D1 school in college, and continued running even after her D1 days were over. This particular morning started off pretty uneventful. Lindsay woke up around 5:45 since she likes to run through her neighborhood when there weren’t very many people out and about. It was quiet and peaceful at that time, but also a bit chilly that morning, so Lindsay made sure she put on long sleeves and a pair of warmer leggings before heading out on what would be her final run.

It was still a bit dark out at that time, but the sun was slowly but surely making its way up. Lindsay had walked out into the street from her driveway, popped in her headphones, and off she went. The pace was a little slower at first since Lindsay was feeling a little chilly at that time. But nonetheless, she trotted along like she always did. About 10 minutes or so into her run was an intersection close to the entrance of her neighborhood. People would always blow through the stop sign at this intersection for whatever reason. Lindsay had countless experiences where she was almost hit by someone while driving to/from work, but never had that issue while running since she was always out so early in the morning.

On that day, in that alternate reality, there was someone out and about. There was a guy in a white BMW on his phone not paying attention to the road. The gentleman rolled through the stop sign, never even seeing Lindsay. Lindsay tried to get out of the way, but it was already too late! A loud thud was heard once the car struck Lindsay. The car struck Lindsay’s left flank/oblique area. The force threw her around, and her chest slammed into the hood of the car with tremendous force. Lindsay’s tall, 6 foot frame was thrown over the top of the car effortlessly before rolling off the trunk and onto the pavement.

The driver of the BMW jumped back and slammed on the brakes, making a squealing noise, but the damage was already done. “oh my God oh my God oh my God” the driver of the car panicked, finally putting his phone down and stopping the car like he should’ve when approaching the stop sign. Lindsay laid on the pavement face up. She was in complete shock, and the adrenaline was flowing through her body. Lindsay’s eyes opened up wide, her face having some abrasions and minor cuts on it. She looked up into the morning sky and took a few deep, but quick breaths. Lindsay tried to get up, but she couldn’t feel her legs. “no no no. This can’t be happening!” Lindsay thought to herself, the panic slowly but surely setting in. She had some sensation in her arms and tried to reach for her phone, but unfortunately it was in her pocket, smashed to oblivion. “HELP ME!” Lindsay screamed at the top of her lungs. The driver of the white BMW stepped out of the vehicle and slowly approached Lindsay. “oh my God…” he said, looking down at her like a deer caught in the headlights. “YOU HIT ME!” Lindsay said to the man, making eye contact as he approached. “miss…I’m so, so, sorry! I didn’t mean it!” the man said back, begging Lindsay for forgiveness in a way. “call 911! I need help! Please…” Lindsay says to the man while he continues to stand there in a daze.

Finally he dials 911. “Hey! I hit a lady with my car in my neighborhood! You gotta send someone here quick! It’s bad!!!” the man shouts into the phone. “it wasn’t my fault! I didn’t see her!” he shouts into the phone a moment later, presumably answering the dispatcher’s questions. Meanwhile, dispatch notifies EMS and medics Stephanie and Tracy are the ones to respond.

“Hey Steph, we gotta roll. Auto vs pedestrian over in Waterford Estates.” Medic Tracy said to her partner. “Waterford Estates? Doesn’t Dr Lindsay live in there?” Stephanie replied, having a gut feeling this would be a case she wouldn’t forget. “oh come on, there’s a bazillion doctors in there. What’re the odds it’s her?” Tracy responds, blowing off Stephanie. “hmm, yeah. I guess you’re right. Let’s head out.” Stephanie replied hesitantly, even though the gut feeling was still there.

Back at the scene, the driver of the BMW is pacing around, the panic really starting to set in for him. “oh God, what’s gonna happen to me?! Am I gonna get arrested? Am I gonna get sued?! This can’t be happening…” he thought out loud, showing just how selfish he was. Dr Lindsay is laying on the pavement in rough shape, and this guy’s only worried about what’s going to happen to him. What a jerk!

In the moment, all Lindsay could do was lay there and wait for EMS to arrive. She tried to move her legs again, but couldn’t move them in the slightest. The adrenaline was slowly but surely starting to wear off. The pain wasn’t unbearable, but she started to notice a few things. She felt a combination of soreness and tightness in her chest. Her flank/oblique area was painful to the touch, and some of the cuts and abrasions were beginning to sting. “he called 911, so they’ve gotta be coming.” Lindsay thought. But every minute felt like an eternity to both Lindsay and the driver for different reasons. Lindsay knew she was hurt pretty bad, and potentially paralyzed, but the exact extent of her injuries wasn’t known.

Finally, the ambulance pulls up nearby and comes to a stop. Stephanie and Tracy step out of the vehicle and make their way towards the patient. At first, Stephanie didn’t realize who it was- it just looked like a nameless, faceless female, but as she got closer, it all hit her, proving her gut feeling to be correct. “Dr Lindsay?!” Stephanie’s eyes widened, running over to her. Stephanie scurried over and knelt down, immediately tending to Lindsay. “Linds? What happened? Tell me what’s going on!” a concerned Stephanie asks. “He hit me…asshole was on his phone. Blew through the stop sign…” Lindsay says to Stephanie. Tracy heads over with the gurney and some other bits of equipment. “lindsay?!” Tracy exclaimed. “yeah…” Stephanie replied, nodding her head slightly. “possible spinal injury. I can’t feel my legs…” Lindsay informed the two familiar faces, tearing up a little. “blunt trauma to chest and flank area. Possible bleeding, maybe some broken ribs. Make sure I get a chest x ray and an echo when we get to the ED, ok?” Dr Lindsay says, ordering the two medics around as if she were treating a patient in the ER. Lindsay’s broken body was placed on a backboard and a c-collar was placed, and she was wheeled into the ambulance.

Medic Tracy was going to drive, while Stephanie remained in the back with Dr Lindsay. Once in the rig, it was go time- lights and sirens blaring, speeding down the road. In the back of the ambulance, Stephanie snipped off all of Lindsay’s clothes, stripping her completely nude and barefoot. Lindsay had some noticeable bruising on her chest and flank area, and there were areas that had road rash and other abrasions due to the nature of the incident. Medic Stephanie began sticking EKG electrodes onto Lindsay’s bare chest. “here…let me do an IV.” Lindsay insisted, reaching over towards Stephanie’s gear. Doctors always make the worst patients, amiright? “no linds, you’re not playing around with sharp objects in your condition. I’ll take care of you, ok?” Stephanie responded, gently nudging Lindsay’s hand away. Stephanie began setting up the IVs while Lindsay eyes scanned over, looking at her own vital signs. “80/40, tachy at 130, pulse ox normal. Alternating QRS complex. I bet I have cardiac tamponade and maybe some internal bleeding near the flank. Maybe it’s my spleen, but it could be my kidney if the right spot was hit.” Lindsay told Stephanie.

The rest of the ambulance ride was pretty uneventful, and Lindsay arrived at the ER with similar vital signs. It was an odd feeling for Lindsay when she was wheeled through the main entry doors. She was always the one doing the walking and talking, but was never the one on the gurney. Stephanie and Tracy continued wheeling Lindsay in, and ended up in a familiar place- the trauma room. “oh my God, Lindsay?!” Dr Sarah blurted out, shocked to see who the patient was. The other nurses all chimed in, but Lindsay kind of zoned out. Not only was this a traumatic experience for her, it was a bit odd being the patient for once. Lindsay was moved onto the trauma room table underneath the large overhead light. Everything went silent for Lindsay and she zoned out for a bit. She flashed back to her very last shift the day before. On the very same table during Lindsay’s shift was a pretty, 30-something blonde who had her chest crushed in by a steering column in a horrible car accident. Lindsay cracked her wide open and massaged her heart, hit her with the internal paddles a bit, but she ultimately didn’t make it. For whatever reason, it was at that moment Lindsay knew she’d suffer the same fate as the blonde lady the night before. She couldn’t explain why, she just knew.

“Lindsay? You with us hun?” Nancy asked, doing a sternal rub on Lindsay, noticing she was a bit zoned out. Lindsay snapped back to reality. “huh? Yeah…” Lindsay said to Nancy. “did you guys do a chest x ray and an echo yet?” Lindsay asked, looking over towards Dr Sarah. “not yet, ran trauma labs and started you on transfusions. I also wanna check your lower extremities. The medics said you couldn’t feel your legs?” Dr Sarah replied. “No… I tried to get up when it first happened, but I just can’t.” Lindsay replied, surprisingly calm. “ok linds, I’m just gonna go check.” Dr Sarah announced, walking towards the end of the table. “Hey Lindsay, wiggle your toes for me.” Asks Dr Sarah. Lindsay’s feet stay completely still. Dr Sarah grabs her pen light and strokes the sole of Lindsay’s right foot for a reaction. “you feel that linds?” Dr Sarah asks, looking towards the head of the bed. Lindsay laid there teary eyed, fighting back crying. “no… nothing…” an upset Lindsay replied. Dr Sarah repeated the same process on the opposite foot. “what about that?” she asks. Lindsay’s voice got weak and her eyes more teary. “nope…” Lindsay said.

With Lindsay snapped back to reality, the adrenaline worn off, and Dr Sarah’s tests on her lower extremities, Lindsay realized that even if she got out of this alive, her life would be very different. The fear and uncertainty was starting to set in for Lindsay. “I’m gonna end up like the lady from last night…” she thought to herself, going deeper down that rabbit hole. While Lindsay was psyching herself out, Sarah lowered her stethoscope onto Lindsay’s bare chest for a listen. “ahh!” Lindsay winced in pain, squinting her eyes. Lindsay’s chest was pretty sore, and she experienced some point tenderness when Sarah took a listen. “I’m sorry I’m sorry, I’ll be quick!” Sarah said. “lungs are clear, muffled heart sounds. Let’s get a chest x ray and an echo.” Sarah barked out to everyone else in the trauma team. The nurses sprung into action. Heather got all the x ray equipment set up, and nurse Nancy got the ultrasound machine set up.

First order of business was the chest x ray. The chest x ray showed a few broken ribs and a badly bruised sternum. The x ray also showed an unstable burst fracture at the L3 level. There were bone fragments embedded into Lindsay’s spine, and certain portions of the spine were completely severed, along with a hematoma in that general area- which is common. When the spine is injured, it tends to bleed a lot. Lindsay looked over at the x ray which confirmed her likely paralysis. She remained silent, but a tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m sorry sweetie.” Nurse Nancy says to Lindsay, stroking her hair a bit. An echocardiogram was then done, which confirmed Lindsay’s suspicion all along of cardiac tamponade. “yep, you’re right Lindsay. Tamponade. We’re gonna do a pericardiocentesis after I take a look at the abdomen, ok?” Sarah says to her. Lindsay remains silent but gently nods, tears going down her face. The abdominal ultrasound showed that there was a bleed in the upper left quadrant. “looks like a splenic lac, I don’t think your kidney or anything down that way was affected.” Sarah tells Dr Lindsay, looking at the monitor. “ok. So pericardiocentesis, then OR for me, right?” Lindsay asks, choked up. “yeah, that’s what it’s looking like. We’ll go ahead and get the pericardiocentesis going in a second, alright?” said Dr Sarah.

Lindsay saw Dr Sarah getting the big needle for the procedure and it struck a little fear in her since she was about to be on the receiving end of it. “I should’ve just skipped my run and slept in…” she thought to herself. She then felt the cold alcohol wipe sterilizing the area on her chest. Lindsay looked over and saw Sarah pick up the large needle. Lindsay looked over at nurse Nancy, tearing up with a nervous expression. “It’s gonna be ok sweetie. You’ve done this one a thousand times before. You got this!” Nancy replies in a reassuring tone, grabbing ahold of Lindsay’s hand. Sarah picked up the needle and took a look at Lindsay. “ok, I’m gonna start.” She says to her colleague. Lindsay looks over at Nancy and squeezes her hand, avoiding the sight of the large needle. Dr Sarah inserted the needle carefully into the 5th intercostal space a centimeter or two lateral to the apex. Lindsay felt a slight pinch, along with some pressure while the needle advanced further. When the needle was at the correct depth, Sarah carefully pulled back on the plunger of the needle. Lindsay felt slight burning, and a weird change in pressure inside her chest. The body of the needle filled with blood rather quickly, so Sarah delicately removed the needle. “repeat echo please.” Sarah said to the nurses. The echocardiogram was repeated, and Lindsay’s pericardium refilled with blood in an instant. “crap. That didn’t do the trick.” Sarah said in a frustrated tone. Sarah repeated the pericardiocentesis two more times, trying to aspirate all the blood that was squeezing Lindsay’s heart from the inside out, but the needle would fill up with blood, and the pericardium would almost instantly refill once the needle was out. “probably an active bleed from a cardiac chamber injury, maybe even a great vessel injury. You need to knock me out and do a thoracotomy and find out.” Lindsay told Sarah. “yeah… I agree. I’ve gotta open you up. I don’t think stable enough for the OR yet.” Dr Sarah replies in agreement. Lindsay gets choked up, and in a weak voice says “8.0 ET, push succs and etomidate. Get a thoracotomy tray…”, still trying to have a say in her own care. There was a pause, everyone realizing the gravity of the situation. “You heard her, let’s get going.” Dr Sarah breaks the silence, taking charge of the situation. Everyone began scrambling around, getting ready for the intubation and ensuing thoracotomy. “this is it…these are probably the last moments I’ll probably ever see…” Lindsay thought to herself. “They’re gonna crack me open, get the pericardium open, and I’m just gonna bleed out.” She added to her previous thought, going deeper down the rabbit hole.

The meds kicked in, and Lindsay went unconscious. Nurse Nancy got the 8.0 ET tube in, and secured it in place with a blue tube holder. Betadine was splashed across Lindsay’s bare chest, staining it a brownish orangey color. “pressure’s dropping doc.” Nancy said to Sarah, noticing the heart monitors are chirping louder and faster. Sarah then made a quick, decisive cut in Dr Lindsay’s chest beginning at the sternum, extending it to the left, underneath Lindsay’s hard left nipple, and ending a bit shy of her left armpit. While incising the underlying tissue, the monitors began beeping louder at faster. “BPs plummeting!” nurse Nancy nervously called out. Dr Sarah expedited the chest cracking, getting the rib spreader in, cranking the knob, and forcing her coworker’s ribs apart forcefully. Upon entry to the chest cavity, there was actually no blood loss whatsoever. “all that blood is probably in the pericardium. What’s the source of it though?” Dr Sarah thought, posing that important question to herself.

Next up, the thick, fibrous lining of Lindsay’s heart was opened. Sarah made a vertical cut in the pericardium, and quickly delivered the heart. With the heart delivered and the pericardium peeled back, there was a rush of blood. “suction!” Sarah asked. Dr Sarah then investigated inside of Lindsay’s chest cavity trying to find the culprit for her cardiac tamponade. Sarah both looked around and felt around, but couldn’t find anything. However, blood kept re-accumulating every handful of seconds or so. Suction was applied again, clearing the area out and allowing a line of sight to be reestablished. Lindsay’s vitals began to take a major nosedive in an instant. “push 250cc’s normal saline. Hang more o-neg on the rapid infuser!” shouted Dr Sarah, doing what she could to buy her colleague some time. The monitors beeped loud and fast, and the line of sight in Lindsay’s chest cavity became inundated with a tremendous amount of blood. Suction was applied to the area, making a wet slurping sound. Lindsay’s breathing tube began to fill with blood too. “hey, suction up here too!” Nurse Nancy called out. “Damn it, she’s crashing. Starting internal massage.” Sarah grumbled, reaching her hands into Lindsay’s bloody mess of a chest cavity and began vigorously massaging her heart. “airways clear.” Nancy announced. “meds in” said heather, injecting epi and atropine intravenously.

Sarah wrapped her hands around Lindsay’s strong, muscular heart and began pumping the frantically twitching organ with her own two hands. Nurse Lin stepped up to the plate and placed a vascular clamp on Dr Lindsay’s descending aorta near the diaphragm. “if it’s arterial, the bleed might stop.” Lin thought out loud. “good thinking Lin. Let’s hope we get to the bottom of this ASAP.” Sarah responded. Suction has been applied again to the thoracic cavity, but it was only doing so much. “how about a left chest tube for drainage?” Sarah asked, looking around at the rest of the trauma team. In a pinch, nurse Lin procured a chest tube and inserted it along Lindsay’s left ribcage. 1200ml of blood exited the tube and splashed Lin’s yellow trauma gown. The line of sight improved, but Dr Lindsay’s condition did not.

Lindsay remained in PEA for a bit, finally converting to v-fib a little after the 6 minute mark of the code. The internal paddles were charged to 20 joules, lowered into Lindsay’s chest around her heart, and the shock was delivered. A dull, wet thunk was heard, Dr Lindsay now on the receiving end of the internal paddles for once. Her heart more or less paused for a moment, then continued its erratic twitching motion. The internal paddles were recharged to 20 joules and lowered back in. A muted KA-THUMP was heard. Lindsay’s torso jolted sharply, but v-fib remained. “still nothing, let’s go again at 30. Everyone….CLEAR.” shouted Dr Sarah. The stronger shock caused Lindsay to grunt a bit and her eyes to open halfway. For a split second, the team thought they got her back because of that, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. “damn it! Again at 30!” Sarah yelled. The electricity of the next shock ran through Lindsay’s lifeless body, causing her toes to curl at the other end of the table, showing off the thin, prominent, silky wrinkles throughout the soles of Lindsay’s size 11 feet and the fresh coat of white nail polish on her toes. Unfortunately, Lindsay went back to PEA.

More meds were pushed and Sarah resumed internal massage. “come on linds…come on…don’t fuckin die…” the cute, nerdy redhead said under her breath. But that comment fell on deaf ears, and Lindsay didn’t regain a shockable rhythm for quite a bit. At the 19 minute mark of the code, v-fib finally reappeared. The blood soaked paddles were called for and charged to 30, another shock being delivered. Lindsay’s chest jumped quickly for a moment, her beautiful blue eyes remaining half open, blankly gazing up above. “still nothing, charging to 40.” Says Sarah. The large, spoon shaped objects are called for yet again, and the next shock is delivered. The stronger shock bends Lindsay’s already broken body out of shape for a millisecond before falling limp again. Dr Sarah shocks Lindsay again at 40 joules, once again to no avail. “come on linds… come on. Everyone….CLEAR!” Sarah shouted out, delivering the next shock. Dr Lindsay’s heart tensed up for a moment, then started to flutter uselessly again. “Still nothing!.... CLEAR!” Sarah yelled out passionately, hitting Lindsay with the internal paddles again. The jolt of electricity picked Dr Lindsay’s legs and feet up above the table as it traveled through her body, causing her feet to leap up and crash back down all within the span of a second, showing off her hot, wrinkly soles once again. After another 3 shocks, Lindsay deteriorated back to PEA, so internal massage was resumed, along with the next dose of meds.

Dr Sarah worked passionately at massaging Dr Lindsay’s heart. “come on…come on…” Sarah said under her breath, looking at the monitor, then down at Lindsay’s heart. Dr Sarah squeezed, trying to force blood through her friend and coworker’s body, attempting to temporarily do the job of her heart. Things only got worse as the code droned on. Lindsay went from PEA to agonal, then from an agonal rhythm to asystole. Dr Sarah could feel the movement of Lindsay’s heart grow weaker and weaker the longer she remained in cardiac arrest. Eventually, Dr Lindsay’s heart came to a gentle stop, becoming motionless, falling limp within Sarah’s gloved hands. Sarah kept massaging Lindsay’s heart, and ordered another dose of meds to be pushed into Dr Lindsay’s IV line. Even after several minutes worth of efforts and another dose of drugs, nothing changed.

The room grew eerily silent as the code droned on and on with no signs of improvement. You could hear a pin drop in the room, but the tension was palpable. Sarah kept massaging Lindsay’s heart, doing anything and everything she could, while nurse Nancy puffed the ambu bag every few seconds as Dr Lindsay’s beautiful blue eyes remained half open, staring upwards. Sarah stopped internal massage at the 30 minute mark of the code. “asystole on the monitors…” she says, shaking her head, forearms deep into Lindsay’s chest, massaging away. “pupils fixed and dilated, maxed out on meds.” Nurse Nancy adds. At that point, the scary realization hit the trauma team- Dr Lindsay was gone. There was an eerie pause in the room, and the only noise was the flatlined monitors. “does anyone have any other suggestions?” Dr Sarah asks. Nobody responds initially. “you can’t give up on Lindsay. We have to try a little longer, right?!” heather shouts passionately, teary eyed. Nobody answered heather, knowing exactly what was to come next. Dr Sarah ceased internal compressions, removed her hands from Dr Lindsay’s chest, peeled off her blood soaked gloves and looked over at the clock, making the most difficult decision of her life. “time of death, 6:49am. I’m sorry linds…” Sarah says, absolutely defeated, holding back tears, feeling partially guilty about being unable to save Lindsay.

Nurse Nancy detached the ambu bag and heather switched off the flatlined monitors. Lindsay’s eyes remained half open while the EKG electrodes were plucked off her chest, appearing as if she was watching nurse Lin do that. Nurse Heather started crying when beginning to fill out Dr Lindsay’s toe tag. “I can’t do it…” heather cried, storming out of the room, hands to her face. Nurse Nancy finished the toe tag, and Lin placed a cover over Lindsay’s body with her eyes still half open, concealing the face of their beloved friend and coworker. Last but not least, the toe tag was placed on the big toe of Lindsay’s left foot, dangling in front of her cute, wrinkly soles. Just like that, Lindsay became the beautiful woman toe tagged under a sheet in the emergency department. Dr Lindsay’s life ended in the same place she spent so much of her time.

[orangegloom]

my oc 😁 below the cut of course

ok pre and post crash... she would have brown roots in both times but post would have longer roots because its been 4 months. i might draw her when i feel like it

in the crash her glasses broke so she sometimes has a headache from eyestrain. her shirt was also damaged and tore a bit. her hair got longer too over time

she has no name sorry 💔💔 ill make one eventually and tag her

she was the ship janitor (because they dont have one canonically) and shes american.. from one of the coasts i havent decided which

the way she was killed was by being bludgeoned with a steel pipe 🪦 by jimmy of course... idk why he would do it yet 🤷‍♀️ she probably started arguing with him and he escalated it into a physical struggle

personality wise she was very asocial and mainly just worked with her headphones in... she doesnt really like the rest of the crew tbh. i guess she'd be nice to anya and curly but thats for obvious reasons. argumentive too... her fatal flaw in a way

she takes everything as criticism towards her and will become angry about it, to the point where she was expelled from multiple colleges for getting into too many spats with her professors. literally impossible to have a conversation with her without her getting mad at you and starting an argument. she isnt often physically violent but is completely fine with attacking someone who she sees as "threatening her" (again.. she sees a lot of stuff as a threat because she sucks)

shes also hypocritical.. she gets mad at people for not thinking rationally post-crash while doing the same thing herself

of course you might be asking "if jimmy is a rapist why wouldnt he go after the other woman too?" its because he made the calculated decision that shes too unstable for him to do that to because of her violent lashes out 👍

illlllll post more when i think of more ‼️