#also my first. like. friendship so. horrible that i managed to get this much feelings involved but like. hey.

[aeliem]

I have like 15 different versions of their relationships in my head (especially killer & nightmare) (help)

also bonus thing

unhinged rambles under the cut

i added underfell sans cuz i associate him with the bad sanses for some reason (more than error anyway)

i think Red doesn't really belong here (in my head he is definitively part of this group, just compared to the others he hasn't done anything nearly as horrible as them) so he'd be very stressed out all the time about fitting in/not being thrown away i think in the beginning this would translate by him getting close to whoever is the most powerful, so at first Dust (because i hc he has the highest LV of all of them), then he'd see how fucking pathetic dust is and start seeing him less as an authority figure and more like a person (then feelings would blossom from their shared pathetic-ness etc etc) he'd turn to Nightmare next (cuz he is the leader of the group after all), and nightmare would try to help him not be anxious all the time but red's so terrified of being a burden he doesn't wanna ask for help, so nightmare has to slowly convince him he's worth something, and by the time red gets better BAM he's caught feeling i think Killer would just fuck with him a lot, then red would match his energy and they'd become best friends with benefits (maybe something romantic there but they would never admit it) (just bros being dudes) (they would be absolutely insufferable together) (imagine killer's chaotic energy but squared)

Killer and Nightmare's relationship(s) (yayy!)

so i have. at lot. and i mean a LOT of different versions of what their relationship could be in my head, some more toxic than others.

basically i think killer would gravitate towards nightmare, both because he's the one who got him out of his timeline, but also because he just got out of an extremely toxic friendship with the human and probably thinks it's gonna be the exact same. so no matter what nightmare's intentions are, killer is going to cling to him in a not so healthy way and treat him like the only thing that matters in the world

if nightmare's good: he tries with all his might to get killer to stop treating him like a god and start taking care of himself. nightmare gets very confused and frustrated when killer starts torturing and murdering people for him even when he isn't ordered to. also whenever nightmare gets exasperated, killer immediately backs down and shuts himself up, so nightmare would try as much as he can to not show signs of anger (or if he does, to convince killer that he's not going to hurt him). i think this would culminate in both of them having a long chat about chara and killer wanting to move on from them, and killer completely giving himself away to nightmare so they can work on this together, and so nightmare can force killer into getting better (im thinking something like TPE), until killer slowly starts rebuilding himself back up and manages to be his own person again

if nightmare sucks (cw for abuse): he will use killer's past to his own advantage, im thinking sometimes acting like chara on purpose (or even shape-shifting into them) to get him to do things, being extremely affectionate and giving killer the validation he craves, until he doesn't get what he wants and then starts threatening killer and accusing him of being a piece of shit, and generally holding what he did while with chara over his head. maybe nightmare genuinely loves killer in some way, and killer sees it as a sign of good will, like if he loves me it means he's doing this for my own good (he's not).

Dust i headcanon is a complete asshole (in several different ways but we'll get there). he thinks he's so much better than everyone else, and that he's a good murderer who killed for good reasons, while the others are horrible little freaks who like causing pain for its own sake.

first scenario i have is if Nightmare is an asshole to the others (doesn't have to be explicitly aggressive, just generally acts like he's better than them). dust would see this as a direct confirmation of his previous theory (everyone else is an asshole), and just try to piss nightmare off as much as possible. then he gets very surprised when either the rest of the gang joins in on the annoy nightmare competition, or nightmare vents out the newly created frustration not only on dust, but also on the other people in the group. this is basically dust gaining class awareness. he's in this shitty situation with the others, and they hate it at least as much as he does. they are not privileged, they aren't enjoying any of this. they probably also think everyone else here is a murderous asshole, which is why no one is actually talking to each other. this is when he starts actually trying to communicate with them. he probably sees they're much more similar to him than he first thought, even if they all went through different events, and he tries really hard to find common ground (at first with the intent to fight nightmare, but afterwards just because he genuinely likes them).

Killer is the hardest to get along with because he's very confrontational and the closest to dust's assumption about him, but after some time he really comes to like his spontaneity and the time they spend together. they both get very attached but never really admit it, until there's like one moment where they each see the other is a gay little shit who's in love with another version of himself (the derision helps them be vulnerable). so they finally become a couple but have a very irony poisoned way of talking about it.

Horror is more of a tricky case, it depends on a lot of things, but if nightmare doesn't try to help him (or makes things worse for him), he's probably very fucked up from the time he spent back home. this becomes immediately visible to dust once they actually start talking, and horror latches on to him as the only person that still has morals/is still trying to make things better for everyone. i think it would feed a lot into dust's savior complex, and while it doesn't allow him to have a genuinely close relationship with horror, this still makes dust the one person horror can rely on, and the one person helping him recover. i think it's only once horror gets more stable (and isn't as reliant on dust) that they can actually start to form a relationship (and horror turns out to be a smartass like killer, but less chaotic and more logical which dust is very much a fan of) then they all beat the shit out of nightmare for being an asshole (the end)

if Nightmare isn't an asshole, dust has a really hard time reconciling nightmare's actions towards him and the gang with his own worldview, so he tries to interact with nightmare as little as possible to not challenge it. he even tries to leave at one point, but going back somewhere with people he murdered over and over while they did nothing to deserve it doesn't feel very good, and he eventually chooses to stay so he can have horrible people around him to convince himself he's not that bad. i think it would be a slow process of dust seeing Nightmare genuinely try to help him despite his own problems, and killer & nightmare being in a healthy, non-murderous relationship. he would fall for nightmare first, but would mostly manifest it through his jealousy towards killer. Nightmare would see this and, thinking dust is self aware enough to understand his own feelings, talk with killer about dust, with killer eventually telling nightmare if he wants to get in bed with the guy who hates him, whatever, just don't start acting clueless when shit hits the fan. then nightmare gets a lot closer to dust seemingly out of nowhere, adding to his confusion, before they both finally talk about what they want and officially get together, with killer like "this went a lot better than i expected" with Killer, i think it's more of a "nightmare isn't here and i need anyone to rant about my problems to" type of situation, where once dust gets used to not being asocial, the days nightmare goes out for long periods of time become unbearable. at first they would kinda bond over their shared love of nightmare, but over time they would start actually getting interested in each other, with still a lot of animosity but also mutual interest and respect. (pretty much a classic enemies to lovers this one ngl)

Horror is... horror is weird for me? like i dont really know where to put him. i think i just have fanon horror and canon horror bouncing around in my head and they're just so contradictory idk what to think of him. i have 2 big stories with him, but in short:

either he's just.. not interested in romance at all (whether due to being aromantic or something else). maybe he does have some sort of deeper bond with Nightmare due to him being able to read his emotions, but generally he's just a friend to the others. i think he'd be pretty distant to the rest of the gang as being the only one without a high LV, so he doesn't really want to get to know them that much. this mostly happens if he still has his brother with him, or if he's moved on from his death by the time he joins nightmare's team (or is convinced his brother is gonna be completely fine back at home)

or: if he gets forcefully brought out of his timeline by nightmare, he's completely lost and starving and traumatized six ways from sunday, and at first he's completely unable to take care of himself now that his brother's gone. i think Dust would try to help him (because nightmare's certainly not going to), and horror would just latch on to him like a mussel to its rock. after he's recovered, they would stay close and would slowly fall in love, even if neither of them really want to put it into words. it's around that time he would get to actually know Killer (and how dust feels about him), then jealousy then the same affection dust has for him (mtt poly hell yeah!!!) idk how i would actually define horror's relationship with them (i would maybe say queerplatonic but again idk), just that they're extremely close with each other (again this is partially due to nightmare being an ass, this is why i'm hesitant to mark this as purely romantic when it feels both circumstantial and like they're more than boyfriends)

Cross is also weird, i don't think about him a lot but i think he's as cold-headed as dust and as diligent/efficient as killer, so i see him relating to these two the most. it's more that i see a lot of kross/criller on my dash and i really like their dynamic (especially Killer fucking with cross) also i love the idea of a cross who's trained as a soldier and a Nightmare who already has a gang of strong sanses defending him and doesn't need anyone else, but still lets cross in because he thinks he's cute. i imagine nightmare would still give him orders from time to time to make him feel useful, but it would quickly turn into a kink thing on cross's part, then nightmare would probably make it an official/explicit thing between the two of them. for the others (Dust & Red) i don't really have a specific idea in mind, i just really like dust&red as a duo and i think there's potential for very interesting dynamics with the three of them (also Cross Dust & Error, not romantic but like, platonically, is this anything??)

personally i dont think Error would be with anyone (except Ink but even then its not 'just' love, its more a cycle of truces and betrayals, and "you're the only person in the world who could understand me so i'll stay by your side as long as possible even if i know this won't last" kinda vibe) i think error's waayy too in his own head to notice the people around him, and i think if he were to live with nightmare and the others, he's just do his own thing in his corner and not really participate, he'd only stay with them as insurance so ink can't attack him (also he gets to piss him off by altering timelines but technically he doesn't destroy anything so ink still can't break their truce) the only exception to that would be Dust (most likely in the timelines/versions where dust hates nightmare and doesn't confide in him), where they both share this sense of being better than everyone else and being tasked with a purpose no one can do but them (for error it's cleaning out the multiverse, for dust it was killing the human and he's still somewhat attached to that), but i don't think they'd be romantic with each other, just friends (though maybe error would get more attached to him since he's so lonely, but even then this would be one-sided)

It’s time…

Be sure to be respectful and have fun! 🤗🤗🤗

My own insanity/filled out ones under the cut

HUGE HUGE HUGE FAN OF A LOT OF THE SHIPS INVOLVING THESE SCRIMBLOS!! Unfortunately, I haven’t seen too much Error around, so I don’t have too many ships with him haha (although I wanted to include him because sometimes, people consider him part of the bad sanses! Same with Cross for obvious reasons).

The second picture is essentially me showing the different mini polys I really like (the color is only to help differentiate them haha) (I didn’t wanna use the mini poly color from the first picture because it would’ve gotten way too cluttered lolol).

It should be seen/unspoken the fact that I already adore them all as one big poly (with or without error haha). They rattle in my brain so much and I love them dearly

[inkats]

wait its kind of funny that i got to college found a boy to crush on and now u guys just dont get. any art. i was truly just creating from longing yearning wishing.

[love-of-the-red-star]

That time I got reincarnated as an Aeon

(Series)

Chapter five: Discovery Channel (In which you find out you have fans)

Warnings: Idk sort of Hi3 lore spoilers? Void Archives is his own warning

Why the hell did you even bother to think you could fix the absolute red flag that’s the divine key sitting on the chair next to your bed?

The more the Kirschtaria look alike spoke, the more you were convinced he should have been booted off the train. Too bad you couldn’t let your intrusive thoughts win in the meantime— Welt doesn’t know just how worse this guy could get, shared goal be damned.

“Okay so uhh, you were with Welt to fight a bunch of people in the sky right?” You said, trying to go along with whatever the fuck he was saying— it wasn’t like you didn’t know what they were doing beforehand, but it was easier to pretend you didn’t know shit.

“Yes, and we were in luck because Himeko had saved us.” He said, smiling. For a moment you would have been utterly bamboozled but you knew better.

You thanked your new brain that functioned as fast as a supercomputer, because you knew everyone in this train would be dead meat if you were slow.

“I see… that’s good to know she managed to get to you in the nick of time then.” You told him with a light hearted laugh, you swore that the more he looked at you, the more suspicious he became. If you were going to kick this man off the train it would have to be a vote of majority, but since he wasn’t acting up just yet you were going to postpone that meeting.

He was still on your watchlist, though.

Void Archives opened a bottle of expensive looking whiskey and poured it on a cup, and then another, and handed one to you.

“A toast.” He said, but you heard “An offering of friendship”. It was at least good to know he knew he shouldn’t fuck around with you.

You accepted the glass, drank it and grimaced.

“Not a fan I see.” He shook his head as if to mourn your lack of taste in the finer things in life. But what would he know? He’s a cube.

“I don’t like it, but I can drink it.” The taste of the whiskey burned in your throat. “Tastes a little funny though.” You murmured, Void Archives didn’t react much to your statement and continued to drink til he emptied the bottle.

It took him an hour, but at least the empty bottle signified he overstayed his welcome in your room.

“Let us meet again tomorrow morning, I want to speak with you soon.” He told you before he left.

Good grief, what a creep.

———————————

You never did end up speaking to him, instead heading towards Welt Yang, who you want to vaguely warn.

“I know you knew Void longer than you know me,” you began, but you already know Welt was more likely to believe you than the cube. “But keep an eye on him, he gives me a bad feeling.” Plant the seed of doubt, slowly but surely, so that the damage to the express can be minimized.

“I’ll.. keep that in mind.” Welt inhaled, stiffly nodding at your words as you patted him on the back.

“Great! Also, if things come down to it, you have my say in kicking him off this train.” You grinned, waving before disintegrating into particles as you returned to your original body.

Famous last words to be spoken.

Because five years later, on a Christmas Eve of all occasions, shit happened. And Void Archives was booted off the train like the red Amogus on a community vote.

Was it chaotic? Yes. Was it like a court hearing than an actual community vote? Also yes.

You had plenty of evidence presented, including the first instance you invited him to your room— because what do you know, the whiskey he gave you was drugged.

He did plenty of horrible shit, and even Himeko, poor patient Himeko, had enough.

You felt a little bad for Welt though having to deal with the aftermath, needless to say, everyone, except you, needed therapy on that train.

On the upside, someone better did replace the blonde and that was Dan Heng who joined you a few weeks before Void Archives was booted off the express.

“Well,” you blinked. “That was something.” You said out loud as Dan Heng shook his head. “Sorry you had to meet that guy.”

Dan Heng brushed it off, instead focusing on staring at the Christmas dinner that Pompom prepared for everyone and poked the turkey on his plate with a fork, before properly digging in.

It wasn’t exactly an ideal way to start your holidays and welcoming someone in the crew properly in a celebration, but you supposed it’d have to do.

It was at least one less toxic bitch off the train.

——————

You didn’t expect you’d deal with your own information being displayed in the databank though. Dan Heng wasn’t creepy about it at least, not that he knew you were an Aeon— specifically, the Aeon that ate Akivili (you still feel bad about that).

“Libertas, huh.” You let out a snort as you read your own little book. In there, it was written on how you were discovered, and what you stood for, along with a group that eventually became your followers.

You hummed, thinking it was rather endearing to see the Avgin there as some of your believers. It was interesting on how you got a following, no matter how small, in the few decades you existed in this world.

It wasn’t just the Avgin, there were others who you did not know too who believed in you, and others who you did see when you had peered into planets to see what people were up to.

It was sweet in a way, for them to cling to you for belief as they sought true happiness in the way of freeing themselves and others.

You wanted to keep it that way.

You read into the pages more, finding out what kind of worship people dedicated to your path; there was a statue of you in one city in some planet hundreds of light years away, in another planet there was you in a tapestry, in another you had a statue and a painting inside of a massive church akin to the ones you saw in photos of Rome.

It was a little overwhelming, and you felt a little shy at the recent discovery of all of this.

You closed the book and put it back on its shelf, exiting Dan Heng’s room to ask Pompom for tea after helping them with their chores.

—————————

Unbeknownst to you, Dan Heng knew you were an Aeon— and an Aeon he believed in in some way when he had heard of you in the whispers of the guards in the recent years he’s stayed in the Shackling Prison. It wasn’t exactly difficult to piece things together with the context clues around the place, not to mention, Himeko did end up telling him.

You wouldn’t be angry about it, she said to him. You were apparently rather human-like, and kind.

Himeko wasn’t wrong, and Dan Heng was going to trust that judgement. Is he wary? Yes, you’re an Aeon after all, you were plenty big of a deal.

But Pompom didn’t seem to be scared of you, and Welt spoke to you with a sense of respect. You regarded everyone in this train with a certain familiarity— Dan Heng did feel like you were a bit strange due to the feeling of “uncanny valley” you gave him, but you were kind to him and you were welcoming.

He was welcome in this place, he had a place to stay, and a purpose, as meager as it was.

Dan Heng thinks things would be alright from now on.

————————

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI (HERE), Part VII, Part VIII

Yeeeee this took a bit!!! Thanks for the wait yall, I know it’s calm rn, but it’ll get rowdy again at some point I promise.

[haliteatiger]

Happy Werewolf Wednesday, ya'll! We're serving up a big pot of tea tonight so get those cups ready!

Special thanks to Blackbackedjackal and King for their help in putting this together, editing, and especially to Jackal for being so supportive and encouraging. I'm very much not normally the type to do call-out posts, but people need to be aware of Dogblud, as she has hurt, not only myself, but quite a few others as well, and seems to have somehow gotten away with behaving like this for 20-odd years. I'm of the mind she shouldn't be allowed to do so any more, hence this post.

TL;DR - Beware of Dogblud, aka Ashryn, aka DogofBlud, aka ThatDogMagic. Very, very long post under the cut.

With everything happening with DogBlud and Blackbackedjackal's studio, I felt emboldened to come forward with my own experiences with her. This is something I've been carrying around since it happened roughly 2 years ago. It was one of the main reasons that put me off drawing werewolves, my own characters, or engaging any more in the fandom. I've hinted at it a few times but I've never had the energy to come forward and deal with the fall out. I wanted to move on with the rest of my life because IRL was more important than online drama. And I knew her behavior would come back to bite her sooner or later, regardless of what I did. 

It's been very validating to see that I was right.

It was around the time that Blud and I became friends that I was feeling a bit burnt out on werewolves. I'd been trying to pull together my own werewolf-related project for something close to 12 years. The past 4 years had also been pretty draining on me creatively and socially, as it had for a lot of artists with regards to the pandemic. I also had some IRL things I was dealing with: mainly with my marriage and transitioning between medications to manage my anxiety + bipolar.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to screenshot everything at the time. I do have logs from back when we roleplayed together. There are several conversations in them but because they were saved as text documents, they're pretty dubious in terms of solid evidence. 

It would have been better if I had taken screenshots as it was happening, rather than just saving the logs. With what I *do* have, however, I feel as though it may be enough to make the point that I'm trying to make, and to exhibit how horrible things got.

I'll provide some context.

I had talked with Blud on and off over the years, and we had always gotten along. We had a lot in common and after we had started talking more, our friendship eventually grew into a collaborative project. We were going to combine our stories and write a comic based on it. We had a lot of discussions on how Blud was reticent to do this in the beginning and how she wanted a contract to be made up so that in the event that something *did* happen, we could both walk away feeling like it was handled fairly.

Honestly, I should have listened to the first alarm that went off in my brain, when, in an act of ominous foreboding she said something along the lines of don't be so sure, it could happen. It was in response to me being like "we're getting along so well and share so much of a bond right now. I can't fathom that being a problem!" 

The contract never materialized. It was something we had decided to do *after* we had put together something of a prototype project to see how well we worked together. It made complete sense to me at the time as we were both eager to focus on the fun parts of writing and drawing together.

It was decided that I would be the lead artist (doing coloring and final lines) while Blud would do everything else (which was inking, layouts, and the majority of the writing). The both of us felt that she had more experience in those areas. I also believed that she had a better knack for it as well. I had felt that she had a better understanding of story structure than myself. And I thought that Blud had felt the same way about my art. That I had the experience to take point on that. 

Since I had collaborated with other artists and writers before, I attempted to approach the project with the same sort of professionalism I always do. Especially the projects that I genuinely thought stood a chance of being published in the future. We had started out trying to get a feel for each other's flows and rhythms. I had expected Blud to try and meet me in the middle of where our processes would potentially differ from one another, so that we could develop a fairly smooth workflow.

I had also expected, according to our discussions on the matter, that we would value each other's opinions on things and take them into consideration. We had such good synchronicity already.

In the beginning, there wasn't any unusual behavior that caught my attention. Blud was a bit uncomfortable with trying out new things but I did my best to accommodate her so that our project could move forward without too much turbulence. She had also mentioned to me before that she was autistic, and since my husband is also autistic, I knew how difficult it could be when it came to adapting to new routines. But when it was time for her to deliver the first set of layouts, it wasn't at all what I expected.

What I had expected was something with margins, clearly marked boxes, and figures that I could do rough lines over. I also expected notes that confirmed what we had discussed earlier about the project; that way I knew what she wanted or if there would be any changes. She took offense to this, feeling like I was violating our agreement. Though Blud did try to give me space with regards to the actual art, and while she would offer criticisms here and there, I trusted her opinion as an artist and as a friend. But apparently that didn't go both ways. In fact, Blud seemed to be offended that I expected more from her.

Blud agreed to concede. She suddenly seemed fine with the changes that I had asked for after seeing the layouts. I guess she was feeling overstimulated by the change and I might have been applying too much of a critical tone to her responses to begin with. I have had to deal with rejection sensitivity throughout my life and it's certainly prompted me to approach what people say to me online with a bit of scrutiny (sometimes too much).

And while I was mildly annoyed, although admittedly I was more concerned with Blud's overall reaction to my asking for clarification about several things in the layouts, I let it go. But it seemed like there was a problem. The majority of my ideas were either rejected or outright overridden with Blud convincing me that my faulty memory had made me unable to remember what we had agreed upon. Or that I might have been misremembering in my own favor.

There was one time where we were discussing a monster's design. Blud had already decided to settle on one design that she had come up with, even as I continued to offer other suggestions. The story was to take place in my setting, so I was under the impression that I got to decide what kind of creatures should populate it. The conversation ended somewhat ambiguously. I had assumed that we'd come to a solid conclusion later. 

I came back the next day and it turned out that we were using her design because that was what we had decided on. "Don't you remember? You really need to do something about that faulty memory of yours, Tek. I can't be doing this for you all the time."

At which point, Blud would go back and meticulously scour the conversation until she managed to find a set of lines that would make it seem as though I had 100% agreed. Even when I tried to explain that I had meant something else, she took it as an affront on her inability to understand nuances due to her autism.

I admit that my memory isn't that greatest at times, but I've never had anyone complain about it before. And none of my friends have ever minded providing reminders to me if I did misremember something incorrectly. We all forget stuff at times, right? It's *still* something that I'm self-conscious about because (like a lot of people with ADHD) my memory seems selective at times. This was, apparently, a problem that I needed to manage. 

And even as I'm remembering these incidents to the best of my ability, I've already spent so much time recounting all of this to friends. I feel confident in my recollection. There are some details that may overlap or become entwined with other things, but it all basically tells the same story. Especially in conjunction with what's been said by others. You're free to take it as hearsay since I do not have screenshots to back this up.

I will mention (since I've been told it's something that Blud has taken particular interest in) that at one point, I did have a crush on her. I was having some problems IRL, and it was nice to have someone whom I felt actually understood me. I also felt like I saw a lot of myself in her. I think that, at one point, I did describe her as the kind of "girlfriend" I would want. Blud seemed to indicate the feeling was mutual.

Between our collaborative partnership and all of the details we shared about our lives, it did feel like an intimate relationship at times. I had no intentions of pursuing it. We were not compatible in our romantic and sexual identities, and I had no intention of leaving my current partner for her.

I had begun to notice red flags, even if I wasn't ready to accept them yet.

I've had experience with abusive relationships in the past but they were in person, and not online. I knew what to look out for and yet I was being willfully ignorant about our friendship. I wanted to give Blud the benefit of the doubt. I wanted the project to work *so* badly that I was willing to work with her increasing demands as the months went by.

I had no idea that those demands would change into, quite literal, temper tantrums. It would then trigger my fawning response which was due to an abusive family situation that I had dealt with before I moved to Canada. The tactic was this: concede to someone until there was a time that they either understood reason or I had the chance to use it against them if necessary.

I started to take screenshots. I wish that I had taken a lot more of them so that everyone could get a better idea of what was happening. I did go back and manage to record the majority of the first outburst. It was the first inkling I had that Blud wasn't playing with a full deck of cards. I knew that that would be one of the first conversations that she would promptly delete. And consequently, I was right.

This assortment of screenshots will exhibit the first serious confrontation that Blud had with me. I am absolutely *not* proud of how I handled this. I was literally panicking at the time and doing whatever I could to get her to calm down. Because I have a temper that can look similar to this in person, I knew that I had to wait until the post-tantrum clarity would hit Blud. I tried my best to not lose my own temper in turn but looking back, I feel that I came off as sounding too timid.

I didn't want to ruin this project.

I wanted to make a comic with an individual that I admired and respected as a fellow artist. And, with me not knowing how to respond, my main priority was to not make things any worse than they already were.

Below is the conversation in its entirety:

I had taken this screenshot on my phone after I had stepped away to compose myself. Blud had handled the confrontation and criticism with a reasonable amount of apprehension. But what had not occurred to me was that I could have said something that would remind her of past experiences with a roleplaying group.

It was something that had evidently scarred Blud for life.

I took away the wrong things from what she had told me, choosing to focus on the aspects of the "betrayal" that had appeared to bother her the most. And in hindsight, I did not see the correlation. I was genuinely apologetic that I had hurt her feelings.

But I *will* critique Blud for her poor handling of the situation. Whether or not I had hurt her feelings, no one is entitled to act like this or claim that this is what attempting to resolve a problem should look like.

I wasn't sure on how to initially respond to Blud. It had been ages since I'd had to deal with someone flying off the handle like that.

The following screenshots are where the conversation picked up, after she had already deleted the above message:

We had weathered the "storm" and after Blud calmed down, she was ready to communicate. There was a part of me that was genuinely sincere when I apologized to her. I did mean it when I said that I had no intentions of hurting her and that I hadn't considered how my statement would sound to her.

I had hoped that this had been a stress response due to factors outside of our collaboration. And especially when I took into account how she had interacted with me in the past. I knew that Blud had a lot going on IRL, and that she had already put a considerable amount of energy into this project.

I had taken her meltdown more personally than she could perceive that I would, because this was something that was acceptable to her. She had a "condition" that would absolve her of these abhorrent meltdowns and I needed to get used to them if we were going to continue working on that project together.

I was shaking the entire time we were typing in the chat.

I was sincere in my responses. I really did want to work things out with Blud and give her the benefit of the doubt. I could have been taking the things that she said too personally or maybe I had been reading too much into the situation. Was there a chance that I could have been misreading her outburst? I tried my best to keep an open mind though I was still somewhat baffled by the fact that she would have meltdowns as often as she did.

I confided in my husband and some other friends about the situation. They were also bewildered by Blud's actions.

By this point, I was struggling with the reality that this collaboration was most likely *not* going to work out but I still wanted to try. I still cared about Blud. We would still hang out together and talk about things like music, our characters, or our stories.

While I did have the foresight to go back and screenshot this section, I wasn't fast enough to get screenshots of everything else that I will be going over. Blud *did* admit to going back and deleting certain exchanges due to a mixture of shame; not wanting to look at them when she would scroll through our conversations. 

In retrospect, it was very telling.

And even after that meltdown, I still enjoyed the friendship that I had with her. I kept my guard up but I was willing to make compromises on her behalf if it resulted in better communication between the two of us. Blud made me promise to immediately tell her if I had a problem with something. I also agreed to keep notes of our conversations.

It worked for the most part.

In the end though, it became apparent that Blud wasn't willing to do the same for me (even after we had an extended conversation about it). I then realized that I had been tasked with basically *managing* her autism for her. I was already busy with my supposedly "bad memory" at the time; and Blud was more than ready to scroll back up through our conversations to cherry-pick a line or two of text to remind me of what was said earlier.

Because, for her, circumstances couldn't ever change. If they did, it would mean that Blud had lost control of the situation and that she was in the wrong. She could *not* be in the wrong. 

And if she was in the wrong? It would take solid evidence, three witnesses, and a court of law to prove it.

She had two other major meltdowns after this. I managed to step away from communicating with her through one of them and I don't remember the other meltdown lasting very long. She immediately deleted the texts of both of those instances before I could take screenshots of them.

It seemed like I could do nothing right when it came to Blud, no matter the lengths I would go to accommodate her. I knew that it was a common tactic used by abusers. I finally accepted that our partnership wasn't going to work out and I began thinking about an exit strategy. The final straw was when she began to expect me to be at her beck and call.

I had promised that I would be there for her, within reason, and I was willing to offer reassurances whenever she would ask me for them. The promise had been made back when we had first started to talk to one another with more frequency, before Blud had shown me her true colors. I would end up completely underestimating just how badly she would need reassurance.

To be frank, I underestimated a lot about Blud in the beginning.

I would end up mentioning that I enjoyed my space in several different conversations with her. That there was a chance that I might be offline for several days so I could take care of things IRL and recharge my social batteries. I'm somewhat of a recluse. And an adult who enjoys things that aren't online.

She said that it was fine.

I became incredibly anxious when I would talk to Blud, especially after her somewhat abrupt change in personality.

I then attempted to put my foot down about boundaries and this is what she had to say:

I decided to walk away for a bit and I came back after I had had some time to think things over. This wasn't healthy for either of us. I wrote a couple of sentences to say goodbye to Blud before I blocked her. I knew that my actions would probably infuriate her. She had told me in the past that she *hated* not being able to have the final word... which she was able to do through email:

“And I'm not letting you pretend you have control over the situation, or the high ground. You distinctly have neither. But since you're determined to stick to your 'principles' on this, I've decided to make it easier for you.”

She thought that she was absolved of all sins just because I had said that I would stand by her at her worst. And at the time that I said that, I had no idea that her worst would be her trying everything possible to protect her boundaries while stomping all over mine. It didn't matter what she said or how often she would apologize when I would confront her. She kept doing it.

I admit that I wasn't perfect in this situation either.

There were times when I was condescending, critical, or downright mean when I talked to Blud because that was the way I had felt when she was talking to me. I soon realized that it didn't matter either way. I could have been using the friendliest tone imaginable and she still would have perceived it as either mocking or dismissive on my end. There were even a few times where I would preface my explanations with an advisory “please know that I am not attacking you and try to read this in an understanding tone,”etc. I would then post an explanation I had spent hours picking at to ensure that there was no way she could misinterpret the intent. Even so, she still read the majority of what I said as criticism and would take it to heart.

I never expected Blud to do something that made her uncomfortable; nor did I expect her to overextend herself when it came to our project. I would go out of my way to make sure everything was fine when we would talk about it. I only expected mutual respect in return.

When we would get into discussions (arguments), she would never attempt to understand my point of view or let me explain myself. It would have made it about me when it should have been about Blud and her needs. She sometimes would agree to come to a compromise about something, but only if I would admit that I was in the wrong.

I know that if Blud was to look at these screenshots, she'd be incredulous that I'm trying to distract from the horrible things that *I* did. And those horrible things that I did? I tried my best to work with her.

It wasn't just her poor teamwork that bothered me. It was her attitude and the lack of respect that she showed me. She would never ask me to clarify something that I said; always assuming that it was a criticism against her. I can only speculate that Blud did not want to hear about how any of this was her fault, like in the email she sent me.

I don't know if I was actually her friend at any point. Friends make efforts to understand one another. Ideally, they’d want their friendships to continue, and they would want everyone to be getting along and having fun. She seemed to actively defy that.

I would argue that things like this don't just happen in a vacuum. There's almost always a reason for such things, but it's honestly a mystery to me as to where this vitriol comes from. I don't know why Blud sees monsters in every word, especially if they come from a  "friend". 

I've seen her viscously mock herself during meltdowns; it seems like she hates herself and expects everyone else to hate her too. I think that she wants it to be the truth, so that it validates the feelings she has about herself. The behavior patterns that I'd been exposed to are consistent with the idea that Blud is seeking confirmation about the personal assumptions she has about herself. It's what makes her so volatile to those around her. Yet, she refuses to break the cycle.

I hope that she can make that choice in the future but at this point, I'm not holding my breath.

[bomber-grl]

Hiiii!! I'm not sure if you've done this but could you make one with Hiro and a male reader where he just goes through the whole gay panic bc of the reader? If it's not too much trouble ofc :]

There’s this river in Egypt-

Pairing(s): Hiro Hamada x Male!Reader

CW(?): There’s a bit of denial on Hiros part but not in a internalized homophobic sense rather just confused so take it with a grain of salt

Hiro and the rest of bh6 were casually eating in the cafeteria, same as any other day

It was lunchtime and it was usually spent hanging out which wasn’t out of the norm

Hiro wanted to get a snack before he left to the rest of his evening classes and chose to get up and select something from a nearby vending machine

He wasn’t really paying attention, hero work alongside quickly approaching due dates were plaguing his mind

And so he accidentally crashed into you

Was it avoidable? Sure but did he end up regretting it? That’s up for debate…

He quickly tried to collect everything back on your tray and was profusely apologizing over and over, refusing to even look at you.

Any normal person would’ve been pissed as hell but all you did was laugh and wave a hand

It was fine, and he had nothing to worry about

You offered him your hand as he was on his knees on the ground, trying to urgently correct his mistake.

Once you pulled him up he managed to get up he was basically just standing there staring

You were going on with your convo and even pulled out your phone talking about whatever it was that you were

But then you noticed Hiros lack of attention

“Hello? “ you waved a hand in front of Hiros face, he was obviously spacing out.

“Huh? Oh uh sorry I wasn’t paying attention to what you were saying, sorry” his face was heating up and he didn’t know why.

Like seriously, why did he feel sweaty all of a sudden, And when did how he stood start bothering him?

“Oh it’s fine I was just wondering if I could get your contact information? I mean i also ran into you and …” you gestured to his stained shirt “I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if I offered to dry clean it.”

He stood there staring at you. Then he realized you looking at him expectantly. oh! It was his turn to talk.

“Uh yea I wouldn’t mind if it were you” how could someone fail so hard at being casual. His face heated up even more than it already was at the connotation , “I-I mean considering you stained my shirt!”

Horrible save. “Oh, yeaaa” you said in response and nodded along, great now you thought he was weird…

You two quickly exchanged info and you went on your way

Hiro unfortunately had to walk back to his table like a dog with its tail in between his legs

As if bumping into anyone wasn’t enough of a commotion, he also made a fool of himself

He wasn’t even in the mood for that snack anymore despite desperately bee lining for it a moment ago.

-

That same night was spent with Hiro wide awake staring up at his ceiling

I mean it was the first time he’d seen you, you’d think he would’ve known about another genius his age

Not to mention your voice, and laugh, and you looked pretty cool too..

Maybe he just wants to really be friends with you, yea that makes sense

-

Eventually you ask to meet up with Hiro and give him back his shirt neatly folded

Which was also the start of his one sided pining your friendship

Before you could leave he called out and asked if you could hang out

Of course he stumbled out excuses of having stuff in common and rambled on in typical hiro fashion

Despite that, you didn’t seem to mind the proposition

Doesn’t make seeing you around school any less of a heart attack though

He’s down bad and his heart immediately starts pumping so hard that he literally had to shut Baymax up when you were first introduced to him

He almost gave away Hiros concerning rapid increase in heart beat

This thing doesn’t exactly go unnoticed by others either

Wasabi offers to help him out best he could and honey lemons all for it

But hiro doesn’t know what he’s talking about

He just rlly likes you as a friend

Until he realizes that he doesn’t

It isn’t until his aunt is calling him to try out a new dish that she made for dinner and he’s luckily not in any rush

When he starts to eat, however, his aunt starts talking about going somewhere for the summer and then she brings up you

You were already introduced to her and she’s seen how Hiro acts around you

So she began to talk about you as if you were hiros boyfriend or something

That’s when Hiro realizes and finally begins to wonder if he likes you

Which obviously he does

*insert the rest of the night spent with hiro taking ‘am I gay quizzes’, contemplating and thinking about his sexuality,but also thinks about if you’re into him then maybe he’d have a chance..?

He quickly turns his light off and goes to bed after that thought

He’s already starting to experience delusions..

-

*insert Hiro standing at a bus stop a month later*

You two planned on hanging out that day and you began walking to a movie

Even I have no idea where Hiro got the courage from but he managed to be brave enough to hold your hand during the movie

It was pre planned too 💀

The night before said movie, he was hanging out with the rest of bh6

They had found out about Hiros date hang out with you because Hiro was really fidgety and maybe, by chance.. Cass had mentioned Hiros squealing that was quickly covered with him “clearing his throat” when she passed by..

So then ofc they had started coming up with ideas for cliche things to do and Hiro had none of it

Except maybe one idea got to him

Which leads to now that he reached for popcorn at the same time you did

Was it cringe? Terribly but now or never ig

He refused to even look at you and you pulled your hand back.

He sort of deflated, at least he knew he didn’t have a chance

But then you held his hand, even intertwining your fingers

And you leaned in and whispered “if you wanted to hold hands you could’ve just said so”

If hiro could explode, he would

I mean he certainty looked like he was a bomb waiting to be detonated

After the movie Hiro walked you home and when you got there he didn’t even need to confess because you did

You told him that you’ve liked him for awhile and fortunately for him, you’re not oblivious

Thus, you two began to date yipeeee

Thankfully Hiro finally relaxes and starts being himself more around you

Although, he learns that you didn’t know how down bad he was for you and how you basically “turned” him gay

Maybe one day he’ll tell you that you were his gay panic but he won’t, knowing it’ll go straight to your head

Not like he’s any better when you tell him you thought he was cute since the moment you saw him

[emilybahu]

Buck coming out to Maddie:

Just kinda pure chaos, total sibling energy, as it should be, he’s talking about his date with her and about how it went horribly awry…

Maddie immediately assumes that Buck was on a date with a married woman!? Like ok, but WHY THOUGH?

Then Buck says “he left me outside the restaurant”, and Maddie’s like “hold up…back this up a second, let’s go back to the pronoun” because Buck kept leaving out that he was on his first date with a man (Tommy).

Buck being like “yeah, ok I was on a date with a guy, but that’s not the point” HOW IS IT NOT THE POINT EVAN! Then Maddie starts to get why Buck is so worried about lying to Eddie.

Buck bringing up that he’s an ally again and Maddie saying “so now, you’re more than an ally”. Which is exactly what we all yelled at the screen the first time we saw the date scene, because it’s true! (Like come on now Buck! You kissed the guy!)

And of course this moment:

And I’m sure this had us all laughing our heads off, because no Evan it is not normal straight male behavior to “check out a hot guy’s ass”! 🤣

Sir, are you openly admitting to possibly checking out your best friend’s ass at some point, because I think he definitely counts as a hot guy and he definitely has a cute butt! 🫠🤭

I digress… after the second shock of her morning of learning that Buck had a date with Tommy, (the same Tommy he was complaining about to Maddie only a couple days ago)…

The scene, of course, ends off with Maddie being the wonderful, supportive QUEEN of an older sister she is and tells Buck to tell her everything about the “hot pilot”. l love them so much!

And Buck gets all smiley and shy and adorable because he really likes Tommy! 😊

Buck coming out to Eddie:

Then we have this scene, and I feel like it’s the complete opposite from how he came out to Maddie…

Eddie is over at Buck’s place trying to avoid his girlfriend and his catholic guilt and doesn’t know what to do about it.

Eddie says, that Buck and Tommy got the right idea of just hanging out (guys being dudes), he however, is completely oblivious of the (dudes being gay/bi) part of their plans.

(Please tell me you know what I’m referencing in the red text)

Buck somehow manages (in a much smoother way than how he told Maddie) to tell Eddie that when he ran into them at the restaurant that they were actually on a date!

I think that the first thing Eddie said was “wait, Tommy’s gay?” Like he’s shocked about Tommy, but not Buck?

(I suppose though, it makes sense that Eddie and Tommy didn’t talk about their sexuality when they hung out, like it’s not necessarily something that needs to be brought up purposefully. It shouldn’t matter anyways. If Tommy felt like it would have effected their friendship he probably would have said something…)

Clearly, Eddie’s totally fine with that and goes on to reassure Buck that nothing will change between them. As we can see a few seconds later when Eddie teases Buck a little after hearing he basically got dumped halfway through the date.

And of course that brings us to these wonderful moments:

Eddie being a supportive KING! We love that for him! And of course Buck and Eddie, the sensitive, vulnerable guys they are now start to have a nice little heart to heart chat about Buck’s feelings for Tommy.

Buck says “I kinda can’t stop thinking about him”and gets all smiley and shy and adorable again because he really likes Tommy! 😊

We get Eddie telling Buck to call Tommy because there’s no way that once Tommy actually gets to know Buck that he won’t love him like the rest of the team! Also talking some sense into himself along the way…

And the hug! It’s my life, it’s my everything!

(other than Buck and Tommy being super adorable and holding hands at the end of the episode, anyway…)

Just this whole scene between Buck and Eddie was so warm and soft and loving… but like this hug was just so beautiful, chefs kiss. The way Eddie turned as he was about to leave and just thought ‘I can’t leave without giving Buck a hug’ I CAN’T!

They love and care about each other so much you can see it in how they look at each other, they’ve been through so much together their friendship is amazing and beautiful and I love it so much!

Who knows what could happen in the future with Buddie… maybe they become romantically involved, maybe they don’t. I don’t care as long as we get more moments like this between them in the future!

The situation they find themselves in at the end of the episode though… well I guess we’ll be waiting until May 2nd to find out what exactly happened there… 🫠

[salty-croissants]

Can you do headcanons for Rayman with a Sally type of s/o from the nightmare before Christmas?,Like a reader that tries to tell him about Eden and all of that but even if he doesn’t listen she still stays by his side and loves him nonetheless pretty please :)

Thank you for the request ! 

As a big Nightmare Before Christmas fan , I found this scenario to be very neat :D 

I tried to integrate a few personality traits of Sally in the reader , I hope it worked !

Details : use of gender neutral reader ;

friends to lovers ; 

no warnings needed , other than a few swear words at the end  

One of the many things you’ve always admired about Rayman is the sheer passion he always put in his dream of hosting his very own show : 

you have been watching his hard work for years , all his sacrifices … and all the difficult times he went through . 

Being so different from everyone else made him an easy target for people’s derision and prejudices , and for the longest time Rayman felt like no one would’ve ever accepted him for who he really was … 

Until he met you .

You were the first person who showed Rayman kindness , and let’s just say he will never be able to forget that : 

you always seemed genuinely interested in what he was doing , never once shunning him for his appearance and even offering him words of advice and encouragement …

< Another failure … I thought this time was going to be different … can’t believe I was so stupid … > 

< Rayman , you’re not stupid . I know it’s tough , but people will understand your talent someday … 

You just have to be patient . > 

He was truly grateful for your friendship , and it’s also thanks to you if he managed to get through it all and get where he is today . 

Even tough he’s now the voice of Eden , Rayman hasn’t forgotten about you and all that you’ve done for him , and whenever he’s not too busy with his shows he loves to spend time with you , happy to have a chance to get his mind off of work : 

your presence is just so soothing … your kindness and eagerness to listen to him always manages to put his mind at ease , and sometimes he can’t help but wonder what would it be like if the two of you became … something more .

< You mean a lot to me y/n , you know ? I think I might be … uh … > 

< Yes , Ray … ? > 

< … heh … oh , it’s nothing , don’t worry about it . I’m just tired … > 

Little does he know that you feel the exact same way , however every time you try to say it out loud the anxiety of getting rejected , or worse , making your long time friend uncomfortable has always stopped you from doing so … 

Much like Rayman . 

… but the day you eventually discovered Eden’s plans and just how much they have been using Rayman for their propaganda , everything changed . 

You felt horrible to know that the people who promised to help him make his dream come true were just doing that to cover the many dark realities they were trying so hard to keep hidden from everyone , and you knew that you had to tell him somehow …

Of course , it didn’t exactly go well .

< Please - I know this sounds crazy , but you have to believe me ! 

The Board of Directors aren’t who you think they are … I would never lie about something so serious to you , Rayman , you know that , right … ? >

< *sigh* … y/n , I … 

I’m sorry , but that just isn’t … possible . Sure , the Directors are pretty strict about a few things , but they wouldn’t do that to me … I’m their star . > 

< But - > 

< Please , let’s not talk about this anymore … I know you mean well , but I think it’s just a bunch of … really well made fake news . 

I gotta go study my next script , just … try to forget about it , okay ? > 

You were admittedly pretty hurt by Rayman’s lack of trust in you … but maybe you just needed to think of a better way to explain everything to him .

You only want him to be alright … it’s for his own good … 

Despite everything , you still remained by his side , comforting him after the disastrous interview with Red and reminding him to come visit you if he ever needed help … Well , one day you were surprised to find an unannounced Rayman outside your door , wearing a coat and with a terrified expression on his face that you’ve never seen before …

It was enough to make you very concerned .

< Woah - come in Ray … are you okay ? 

Did … something else happen ? > 

The moment he heard you lock the door , was the moment he finally broke down :

You watch him take a few steps in your direction , locking you in a tight embrace while sobbing right next to your ear …

< y-y/n … I’m sorry , I’m just … I-I’m so sorry … ! > 

After a second of shock , you hug him back , confused but most importantly worried .

< Ray … what’s wrong ? If you let me know I can try to help you … > 

< You were right … you were right about e-everything … I went talk to the frog , and he showed me … I-I saw … > 

Rayman tries to take a deep breath to calm himself down … to no avail .

< I saw what those bastards did … using my f-face … oh god … i-it’s so bad , and if I just listened to you I would’ve known sooner … I’m such a fucking idiot … will … will you ever be able to forgive me … ? > 

You have to admit , it’s all still very confusing to listen to , but as soon as he stops talking you place your hands on his cheeks , gently wiping away his tears . 

< Of course I forgive you . I understand , it really wasn’t an easy truth to come to terms with … 

I just want you to know that no matter what happens , I’m always going to be on your side , Rayman , because … you mean a lot to me too . I just wasn’t able to say it before … > 

You both stare into each other’s eyes , before you realize that you’ve been doing that for a bit too long and stand up , your cheeks blushing a little …

< A-anyway , um … since you’re here I could get you something to drink , so maybe we can sit and talk about what happened a bit more calmly … if that’s okay with you , of course ! > 

Rayman can’t help but smile in front of how cute you are , and after a few more deep breaths he starts feeling a bit less overwhelmed . 

< Yeah … yeah , that’d be great . > 

[v3nusxsky]

hi! i'm deeply in love with everything you write and reading your fics is like a daily ritual for me.

i'd like to request a larissa/reader fic, but the idea is a bit hard, so it's absolutely fine if you don't want to write it!

r is an art teacher at nevermore and she's in love with larissa. but the thing is that r is bipolar and her mood can change almost unpredictably. larissa invites her for a glass of wine and they end up spilling their feelings for each other (some smut would be nice). but the next day r is feeling depressed and starts ignoring larissa for days thinking she's not good enough for her and it was a drunk mistake. larissa finds her, r tells her the truth and larissa tells her that it doesn't change anything and she will be with her no matter what.

idk why i requested this, it's a bit personal ig. sorry for lots of details, feel free to change anything!

My flickering flame 18+H&C

*Authors note~ Bipolar is a super sensitive topic and I've done my research to try my best to handle it in a respectful and informative manner*

Trigger warnings~ Bipolar r mommy kink oral fixation for r thigh riding face riding fingering and oral sex mentions of sh

Prompt~ see ask^^^^

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Teaching at Nevermore was something you'd always wanted to do, your ability made your desire for art easy. Your ability meant anything you created would provoke visions of sorts. You were often transported into the work and especially if you were creating something based off present facts or feelings. Being at Nevermore and teaching also introduced you to the one and only Larissa Weems and you were immediately taken with her, the blonde was alluring and you both struck up a great friendship.

It wasn't uncommon for Larissa to invite you for a glass of wine, in fact it also became a weekly ritual. It was something you came to love but you'd had to cancel it every so often due to your bipolar. Your depressive episodes were horrible and made even just breathing difficult but your Mania episodes were equally exhausting and even exhibiting dangerous and risky behaviour. You remember the first time you experienced a Mania episode and you completely blew through all of your savings on random items that you'd never normally buy. You remember telling the doctor, that you were seeing Lucifer and telling you what you should be doing.

You were feeling good today and the excitement of wine with your crush was really overwhelming for you. But you found yourself sat on her sofa with a glass of red wine dangling from your fingers as you drunk in her beauty. "Darling, you're staring" Larissa murmured watching the blush creep over your cheeks. "You're just so beautiful" you mumbled before gasping in shock, your didn't mean to say that out loud.

"So are you darling, I must confess I rather like you" Larissa purred slipping closer to you, close enough your foreheads met. "Like me?" You mumbled confused. "Very much so and I'd very much like to kiss you love." Before you even verbally replied her lips were attached to yours, they felt softer than you ever imagined and the taste that was so perfectly her was invading your senses.

You both pulled back breathless wearing matching grins, "god I want you" you mumbled before tugging the blonde back to your lips, more passion seeping into this kiss. "Ris? Please" you whimpered after she sunk her teeth into your bottom lip. "Mommys gonna take such good care of you baby, you want this yes?" She murmured smothering your neck in kisses as you mewled, "oh god please never wanted anything more."

It was one night of pure passion, love radiating £!0through you both as you brought one another over the edge time and time again. Larissa riding your thigh, coating it in her slick heat, your mouth securely attached to her breasts as you nipped, sucked and licked at her point rose buds. You riding Larissa's face and suckling on your own fingers to prepare them for her needy cunt. You even somehow managed to get off by the woman's tongue alone, something you'd never done before,  her long slender fingers buried deep into your core as you begged for more, harder and faster. You just needed her. You feel asleep in the woman's arm's sucking on her fingers, moaning at the taste of yourself, just happy to sit in your bubble full of bliss.

You left before Larissa woke up the next morning, the blonde was confused and hurt, she really thought that would be the start of something beautiful but you just disappeared. You stopped teaching your lessons, the only contact you and Larissa had was you informing her of your need of a substitute teacher every morning. All sorts began to race around her mind, maybe you regretted that night, maybe you were embarrassed and didn't want anyone to know, and perhaps you just realised she didn't live up to your expectations.

Meanwhile, you were stuck in your room, no energy to do anything. Negative thoughts swirling around your brain, you'd not eaten or showered since that night and you were lucky if you managed to grab 3 hours of sleep a night. The guilt over leaving without saying anything and the feeling of emptiness and guilt knowing you hurt Larissa. Truly it was all too much and you'd convinced yourself you were better off dead, after all what purpose did you serve now? Your old coping mechanisms are back too.

No one had seen you in days, Larissa had a duty of care as your boss to check on you. So she did, anxious butterflies taking residence in her stomach. But the sight she saw caused her heart to drop, you were curled up in bed, tears flowing over the dried tracks they'd ran before your arms legs and stomach littered in scars and new cuts. You appeared to be asleep as you whimpered her name, your sobs starting to make the words sound choked. The complete opposite of what Larissa had imagined.

Hesitantly, she sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed soothing circles into your back in hope of rousing you awake safely. "Oh darling, I'm here I don't know what's wrong but I'm here" she murmured pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead. "Rissa?" You mumbled sleepily before realising the situation and scrambling away from the woman, "no no no she's not meant to be here, you said no luci!" You mumbled to what you thought was lucifer but was actually the wardrobe. "That's the whole reason why I did this" you exclaimed tugging at your abused arms, "I'm not insane! Im not crazy! I'm normal! You're real  I know you are."

"Oh darling, can you focus on me for a second? Just ignore luci for a second. Follow my voice" Larissa whispered to you and you seemed to manage that for a second, rapidly blinking as you faced the woman. "It's happening again" you whimpered before breaking down and throwing yourself into the principals arms, "just a freak with bipolar, you only slept with me because you pity me" you sobbed and suddenly everything made sense to the blonde. "I slept with you because I love you" Larissa murmured into your ear. "Luci says it's lies" you cried and Larissa hushed you, rocking you soothingly.

"Have you taken your medication darling?" You nodded and informed her it wasn't working. So together she helped you phone your doctor and ask for some advice on how to help you now. He informed the blonde as long as she was safe and not posing a risk that she could stay home and have her appointment first thing in the morning to talk about her medication. So that night Larissa slept next to you, In your bed just reassuring you and keeping you safe. She loves you so that means this part of you too, no matter what happens she'll be here for as long as you want her.

Word count ~ 1361

[anthroarctosa]

Wine tasting <3

word count ! ; 3,322

A/n This is purely inspired by the song ankles by Lucy Dacus fully aware that’s a gay GAY song but I have Harvey brain rot and this lowk reminds me of him sorry y’all this is also not proof read at all fuck proof reading , i haven't written anything in a very uber long time (my last post on here being almost 3 years ago) but what better than old man smut to bring me back out of it who knows maybe i'll post again in another three years

Warnings(?) : SEX!!! WHAT!!! Unprotected too please be safe guys, dom Harvey but soft dom as it makes me go loopy!! Not rot dubious consent but they are tipsy from wine, this may be a horrible mischaracterisation of Harvey to you guys but I like to imagine sex Harvey and non sex Harvey are like two different people , this is written with female readers in mind , very badly written first pov I hate first pov, take a shot every time I put “I” or “he” at the start of a sentence ,

Pull me by the ankles to the edge of the bed

And take me like you do in your dreams

I'm not gonna stop you

I'm not gonna stop you this time, baby

I want you to show me what you mean

Then help me with thе crossword in the mornings

You are gonna make mе tea

gonna ask me how did i sleep

I feel a strong , heavy arm wrap around me it awakens me from my slumber and sudden flashes of the night before flood back to me.

I had only moved to pelican town under the pretence of easy farming and a free house , spending many summers here as a child it felt integral to keep such a large part of my childhood alive and running even if I didn’t know the first thing about farming. It was hard work but it proved fruitful with end of first autumns harvest being a huge success and allowing me to have an easy winter making my jams and brewing wine.

Now the wine making definitely had ulterior motives, never being much of a romantic back in zuzu city but having met the town doctor my first spring here after (embarrassingly enough) passing out in the mines we ended up striking a rather lovely unexpected friendship. Harvey was similar to me a fish out of water in a small town but making the best of it we spent most town celebrations together and found we have surprising amount in common. With similar films and agreement in how things always taste better once pickled I’d even managed to coax him out to the farm a few times to act as a vet almost if I ever had a sick cow or chicken which I always repaid in wine.

But recently I’ve been feeling a shift in our dynamic , as the seasons go on and the more time I spend with him wether it’s all evenings talking over wine and watching shitty taped movies I had found in a box in my grandpas attic or just a brief hello to drop him off some coffee on my way to the mines our eyes seem to linger more. I feel more weight in his words especially his pleads to make me be more careful in the mines.

“I’m just saying, every time I have to patch up some horrible gash you got doing yoba knows what down there I get worried! I think I’m warranted to being a little bit worried about you from time to time-“ he says exasperated with how much he’s being having to drill this into me recently but what else can I do in winter than mine? I roll my eyes half dismissing him with a wave of my hand “it’s really not that serious Harv, I’ve never been seriously injured—“ “yet! You’ve never been seriously injured yet!” He cuts me off his gaze looked so soft and heart struck it felt like sad begging puppy dog eyes almost full of worry, it gave me a pang in my heart he knew how to get his way with those big brown eyes of his.

“I’ll try to be more careful okay? I just- I wish I had something else to put all this pent up energy into now! I’ve never just not done anything before I mean all summer I- I just don’t know Harv but I’ll try okay” this brought a smile back to his face as he nods , clearly appreciative , he has good intentions of course he does there is not a mean bone in that poor man’s body he couldn’t be mean even if he tried but there’s nothing wrong with that I’ve learned.

“Now drink up I still need to get your opinion on this crystalfruit wine!” ushering my hand up to insinuate he has to finish his drink which he hastily does as he puts up a thumbs up grinning his lips stained a gentle purple it was a nice look on him being so relaxed I had gotten use to seeing him like this. Flushed cheeks from the wine his green pressed jack hung loosely on the back of the rickety kitchen chairs that had been in this house for yoba knows how long his shirt sleeves gently folded up to his forearms. That was something that surprised me when I first got to know him ; how BUFF our town doctor actually is! not to sound callous but it was really something he always seems so much smaller in memory to in practice but I think that’s more so to how he try’s to make himself seem smaller usually hunching or sitting down the few times I get to see him for the beast of the man that he is , (6’2 but let’s be real people that’s big) is when I get to force him into manual labour on the farm.

But now looking at him like this I didn’t know if it was the wine talking but I felt almost flushed myself , I didn’t realise how long I must’ve been quiet just staring at him till he laughs an almost nervous laugh waving a hand jokingly in front of my face “earth to (y/n) ? Helllooooo—“ he trailed off but I cut him off with a small giggle shaking my head “sorry i just got lost in thought didn’t mean to stare—“ standing up quickly trying to play it off which only caught his attention more , it’s no surprise I’ve been feeling it all brew up especially over the last few weeks he just seems different every time I’ve seen him he gets more confident around me and it feels like it ignites some strange kindling inside of me making me realise oh shit I like Harvey.

Spending the first few weeks of finding out this deliberation I wanted to tell my best friend but having that also be Harvey was a bit of a struggle so I settled on spilling my heart out to the town poet who I assumed was a fellow romantic. Elliot helped a lot surprisingly with helping me be able to summarise my feelings and how perfectly natural this all was and how he probably likes me too and blah blah blah but this was different from all my other flings and crushes I’d had been involved in before this wasn’t just carnal it was something that was real with feelings something that made me feel almost nauseous with how much I actually enjoyed his time and presence.

“We’ve still got the rest of the bottle to get through— I also think I have some jam and crackers that would go nice with this make it like a little meal cause I don’t know bout’ you but I am definitely feeling it go to my head already”

Making my way to my kitchenette pouring another two glasses , I could hear Harvey approaching me it made the hairs on my neck stand. Glancing to look back at him he was leaning himself back on his hands against the sink just watching me, this made me noticeably feel the shift between us I could feel his eyes staring at my lips which only made the heat rise to my face.

“I don’t say this enough (y/n) but I’m really glad you moved here, to pelican town. You make places good” it was such a simple sentence but it made my stomach flip almost, it wasn’t even out of the ordinary for Harvey to compliment me but like this? Here? It made me flush a noticeable flush only drowned out by the dim lights of my cabin had it already gotten dark outside? He was usually gone by now but tonight I didn’t want him to leave.

Looking over at the glasses of wine on my counter I felt some primal urge flip in me almost if I was going to make a move it would be tonight grabbing one and chugging it I could see the confusion arise in his face before I pulled him into a hasty kiss. He practically melted into it which definitely upped my confidence wrapping my arms around his neck pulling him flush against me his hands finding a quick quiet comfort on my hips the taste of crystal fruit wine both stain our mouths but I didn’t care it tasted better on him anyways.

Pulling away for small breaths before going into another hasty kiss he half hazardly leads me to my sofa he knows my floor plan by heart now pushing me gently against it pulling away from the kiss “oh yoba— you’ve no idea how many times I’ve imagined this” he muttered in between rough kisses against my neck feeling his moustache against the sensitive skin I could only imagine what that would feel like between my thighs. I let out an embarrassing whine almost gently bucking my hips up against nothing which brought out a small chuckle from Harvey.

I had never pictured him being like this so confident in such a situation but it must be the buzz from the wine and me initiating it that seems to have given him such a boost it was a nice change of pace “you look so good like this, so beautiful” a soft murmur as his kisses grow more frantic tugging at my colour to go lower making me instinctively move my arms to hastily pull up my thick knit jumper happy I’ve had the fireplace roaring all night the cold didn’t shock me. He takes this as his opportunity to move one hand from my hip to my chest rolling his thumb over my nipple shallowly poking through the thin (rather flimsily made) bra his kisses going further leaving darker marks.

“Please— please Harvey-“ whining out he lifts his head getting close to my face again “please what huh? What do you need me to do? Use your words” I could tell he was getting off on the rather submissiveness of my attitude I’m usually so confident I don’t know what this man had done to me but I know he’s gonna take care of me “touch me need you to touch me so— so bad-“ bucking my hips up his hand leaves my chest going back down to my hips helping tug down my jeans hooking his fingers in my belt loops to give him more control flinging them across the living room. “Wrap your legs around me” he says quickly and I don’t hesitate to think otherwise doing so.

With a swift motion he sweeps me up feeling sturdy in his arms I can’t imagine the amount of times he’s had to drag me unconscious to the clinic but this is different , I felt so small being carried so easily. He gently pushes the door to my room open and making a beeline to the bed placing me near the edge, my legs still wrapped around his waist thighs shaking in anticipation he quickly strips himself of his dress shirt practically popping the buttons tugging off his tie throwing that elsewhere. His chest was broad and littered in dark brown chest hair trailing down my eyes couldn’t help eyeing up where it leads a very obvious tent in his dress pants. He looked good , so good , practically looking at him with star eyes only being brought back to reality when his hands wrapped around my ankles pulling me back towards him . I hadn’t even noticed my legs had dropped but moaning at the sudden sensation of him flush up against me I could feel him even more now through his dress pants as he grinned hard against me the two of us letting out desperate small moans.

I wanted to whine , wanted to beg , wanted to flip him over and take control being able to take him fully in me now but I could tell that wasn’t his plan and something about the way he was moving me himself taking so much control had me almost brain dead. He pulled away rather harshly making an instinctive whimper fall past my lips which he gently shushed falling to his knees at the foot of the bed pulling me even closer I felt my face flush with embarrassment “oh you- you don’t have to-“ I called out, in all my past hookups I’d never let a man eat me out , I didnt see the appeal of someone pretending to make out with me down there but all my thoughts rushed quickly out my head as he pressed a firm kiss to my clit making me almost jump out of my skin.

Of course he knows the anatomy down there ! He’s a doctor for yobas sake a firm hand on my thigh as the other hooks his fingers in the waist band of my underwear “I want too, huge difference”

Pulling them down quickly tossing them with the other pile of clothes he feverishly went back down his tongue found its home kissing and licking at my clit made me quickly arch my back practically letting out a howl ever so thankful the farm was so far out from people now his free hand lathering itself up in my wetness I had no idea where this all came from with Harvey. Harvey who got embarrassed teaching the safe sex seminar to the youngsters in town , Harvey who covers his eyes at sex scenes in movies , Harvey who started his very own swear jar for me. yoba knows what I did different with this wine but I am ever so thankful for it as I moaned and mewled at his lewd actions.

I felt short of breath my stomach felt tight I was clasping at his lose brown curls which only encourages him speeding up curling his thick digits against that beautiful sweet spot my thighs clasp around his head as I reach my climax which he happily coaxes out of me his fingers still fucking me through it my head felt dizzy I could barely think as I see him gently pull away a small smug grin on his face his moustache wet pushing his now rather messed up hair back he pressed a gentle kiss to my thigh letting me calm down a little “you did so good, we can stop if you’re too tired to continue” he says his palms gently massaging my thighs I carefully sat up to look at him shaking my head slowly “no I- I want to well- I want you please I can take it-“ gasping out as he gently nods in understanding slowly standing up from the floor “we can stop at any point okay? Your comfort is my top priority” he speaks as his hands unbuckle his belt finally sliding his dress pants off leaving him in his forest green boxers , if I was in a more coherent state of mind I would’ve made a witty comment about the leaf pattern that covers them making them seem almost juvenile but all I could focus on now was the bulge ever so prominent in them. My hand immediately finding home palming him through them making him let out a groan, I wanted to slide them off him take him down my throat I’m no expert but I’ve never heard any complaints but there would be other times for that right now I needed him in me, his hands hastily pull down his boxers throwing them in the same pile the rest of my clothes have been tossed to he was a lot more impressive than I was expecting even at his large stature.

He gently grinned against my entrance helping slick himself up, I was still embarrassingly wet from my previous orgasm I still felt the light headed thrill from it as he gently pushed in filling me to my hilt in one swift motion practically knocking the wind out of me. Peppering my neck in kisses as he started off with gentle thrusts moaning against my neck this was better than I could’ve ever imagined “so perfect” he muttered being practically drowned out by my own embarrassingly loud cries and moans feeling so vulnerable and exposed had never been so good.

All the build up seemed to have gotten to Harvey too whose now using one arm to hold himself up as he thrusts another rubbing my already abused clit to help coax another orgasm out of me “I know you’ve got another—another one for me darling cmon— cum on me want to feel you” groaning against me as he said this my legs locked around his legs tightened as I came him yet again fucking me through it this felt like a religious experience I knew the universe was right for sending me here in the first place now after this as this was so right brought out of my spaced out thoughts by the feeling of him pulling out finishing on my stomach his face flushed his chest rises and falls as he tries to catch his breath and his thoughts, glasses practically fogged up. He sat on the edge of the bed pushing his hair back again the hair on his back (scratch that his whole body) coated in a thin layer of sweat from the excursion he had just put out . Slowly catching himself he fished his boxers off the floor sliding them back on “ill— I’ll go grab something to clean you up with give me a second” he says I do a small nod too out of it to make the proper movement.

He returns a few moments later with a large plastic bowl and a wash cloth , the water was warm as he dipped it in wringing it out using it to gently wash the spilled cum on my stomach and down my thighs to at least make me slightly less sticky . His touch was so gentle now compared to the rough fucking my brains out attitude he just had this was the Harvey I was used to, attentive and sweet , he seemed almost to be catching up with himself now his face flushed “I’m so sorry if I was too rough I just— I’ve thought about how this would go if it would even happen so many times and I just lost myself I’m so—“ cutting him off before he can apologise I place my hand on his face shakily sitting up as I shushed him softly shaking my head “that was— that was so incredible Harvey I don’t even know what to say, just perfect”

This settled his nerves slightly as he nodded continued to wipe me down whilst admiring his handiwork marking up your neck. Hickies were such a juvenile thing to do but he just lost himself in the moment thank yoba it’s winter. He placed the rag back inside the bowl placing it on the bedside he lifted the duvet up and over me helping tuck me in pressing a kiss to my forehead “you’re not leaving are you?” I ask trying to hide the desperation in my voice , I didn’t want him to leave after that. He seems surprised but shakes his head “no no I’m just— I’m tucking you in, I’m just gonna go get you some water and join you” and he did just that placing the fresh glass on my bed stand and gently climbing in the other side I cuddle up to him like it’s second nature which he gladly accepted. This all felt so natural and it didn’t take long for me to drift off only being awoken at the crack of dawn by my chickens and cows stumbling around outside the pros of a free range farm. Feeling the heavy arm around my waist and the gentle snores I turn around to face a sleeping Harvey . He looks so gentle even more so than normal, it was nice seeing him without his glasses so at peace in his sleep, my movement (along with my loud animals) gentle wakes him, he smiles a bashful smile as he asks “how did you sleep?”

Ya girl idk what this was I was supposed to wash my work uniform but Harvey brain rot has cursed me!!!!!

[gamerbearmira]

More resident evil 8 Au! I don't think I will ever run out of things to talk about for this AU!

First I'm glad you like my idea for julieta's mutation and I 100% agree that Miranda was trying to get rid of Alma's voice but she didn't directly go for her voice box she was just kind of hoping that it would be a side effect of the experiment so it didn't happen.

The Dimitrescu family does need to chill. They try their best but given their mutation and what I feel like is an ingrained primal/animalistic instincts they have a very hard time reeling in their emotions and with self-control in general. They've gotten a lot better over the years but it is something they still struggle with.

I just realized that we haven't got the families opinion on the other Lords or their first interaction with them besides the Dimitrescu family. As you know with Alcina and her family things were very tense and it took them a little while to be able to get along with each other but they managed The family doesn't have very high opinion of them because of their diet and their overall attitude but they are grateful for the fact that they took Mirabel in and took care of her when she was young. None of them like Monroe mostly because of the smell and the disgust that they feel being near him but also because of the fact that he is constantly trying to trick them into doing things to help him look better in the eyes of Miranda. All of them were creeped out by Donna at first, most of them still are, but Donna and Isabela built an odd little friendship over their special interest in gardening/plants. None of them like karl because of his abrasiveness and the attitude that he takes with Mirabel Plus the fact that his solution to the Miranda problem is to experiment on people and create these horrible monsters although camilo does like/appreciates the chaos that karl brings to certain things.

I feel like when Ethan is in Mirabel's creepy Casita he could go to different sections of the house and find different things. Like when his in the kitchen which is Julieta's area he could find healing items that would randomly regenerate more and could probably buy cheaper food items from Julieta, for weapons and ammo I'm torn about who he could get that from I feel like Luisa would be a good person to get that from because of how much she wants to protect her family. But I also feel like Pepa and Felix would be a better choice because in this Au they go crazy protective over the family plus I just get that type of vibe from them better than I do Luisa because at the end of the day Luisa is a cinnamon-roll sweetheart and I can't really imagine her hurting anyone or dealing with weapons.

Yes Ethan lives! I don't trust the B.S.A.A especially after seeing how they treat Rose. She literally didn't have a childhood in their care, and they were going to shoot her because she had a very reasonable reaction to what that one guard dude said, plus the fact the guy even felt comfortable to say something like that to her when she's visiting her father's grave is just gross. In my version The Madrigal family goes back to their encanto with Ethan and Rose, it's the place they all love and they all miss it very much, There are a couple villagers that are still alive and remember the family but not that many. Casita is still standing. Nobody lives inside because Casita refuses to allow anybody to live in her pushing away anyone who tries to get inside. When they get to Casita they were all basically pushed inside Casita was so happy to see them again! Casita had added a room for Mirabel while they were gone, the family doesn't know why or when. They make Ethan a house near Casita so he can have his own privacy and raise Rose the way he wants to. They of course help him whenever he needs it and spend a lot of time with him and Rose!

But I've been thinking. By the time Ethan happens Mirabel would be fully grown and would have been fully grown for a while before Ethan/Rose happens (all the Lords/experiments seem to stop aging after they reach adulthood) and with how much Miranda likes to experiment do you think it's possible that in between that time Miranda would try and experiment on Mirabel to create a vessel for Eva? In this Au Mirabel is considered the favorite and Miranda does have an unhealthy obsession with her so I wouldn't put it past her to try it but I don't know I would really like your opinion on that.

Any art you would like to make is always appreciated!

PLEASE DON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I LOVE IT❗❗ Honestly, Resident Evil by far like my favorite Video Game Media, and in the top five of my favorite media of all time 😭😭 like if you want my attention just mention resident evil

ANYWAYYYYY yeah, I think it's cool for Julieta <333 makes me also think that since her hands leak mold and infect the food, if someone did eat it to heal, it would more effectively heal people who had some form of black mold or any mutation like that; an idea, maybe Ethan, if he goes to her kitchen for healing items, he can take food (if she offers it to him), and he can use it to help regenerate or repair stuff; it can’t regenerate whole limbs though, not unless he has them, hence why Ethan is still missing fingers <\3333 And anyone without mold or mutations have to eat more in order to heal properly. Or maybe ut doesn't heal at all. Idk 🌚

The opinions are so real 😭😭 like I can see why they don’t like Karl (and even Camilo probably only barely tolerates him), and Moreau, for obvious reasons is disliked. Like I know bro is a victim, all of them are, but he SO manipulative it’s not even funny, and he’s just trying to make himself look better in the end. Alcina and the daughters…yeah. By far, if they had to choose one for Mirabel to be around, they prefer Donna, like yeah, she’s creepy, and yeah her weird dolls are creepy, but she’s otherwise pretty chill, and Angie is really just a vessel for her to speak through. I like how Donna and Isa bond over gardening, that’s cool <333

ALSO ETHAN IN CASITA 💪💪💪 he finds the house and family creepy at first, but honestly, with how much he’s been through, he gets over it when he realizes that they only want to help him. Him raiding Julieta's kitchen is so funny, and like she doesn’t care 💀 also I think Pepa and Félix fit for weapons; maybe Luisa can still have a role, since she’s still strong, she can and will defend herself, especially against Lycans. If she’s not at Casita, she will roam the villages and knows her way around, so maybe Ethan can go to Luisa when he needs to know where to go next or where to find certain items (not the flasks though)??

AND THE B.S.A.A…I haven’t watched gameplay of the Rose DLC yet (I need to lmao), so I was going off the B.S.A.A in previous games like 3/5/6. I’m glad they went back to the encanto, and I’m glad Casita is still standing and was so excited that the family came back 🦈🦈 The Madriagls pretty regularly check on the Winters. No Mia. We don’t talk about Mia 👹👹

As for Miranda trying that, yeah, I think so too. Even with her, and the family getting older, Miranda still treats her like a child, like her child. Arguably, her obsession gets worse, and it affects her both Mirabel and even her family to some extent. Mirabel wants to be herself and live as herself, but Miranda essentially ends up viewing her as nothing but a vessel for her daughter, and treats her as such. She either treats her as she would Eva, or she would treat her like the experiment Miranda will ultimately try and turn her into. Mirabel fully believes she won’t fail this time. She refuses to listen to Mirabel, much less her family.

Mirabel might even be a little happy Miranda doesn't really like her family, becayse at least that way, her family is safe from Miranda's obsession with getting her daughter back. Miranda tolerates them but you know. She's not above brutality and LITERAL ASSAULT AND MURDER 🌚)

ALSO ART❗❗ so fun to draw. Honestly, I'll draw a lot for this au 🤭🤭 LIKE...its insane. I had this idea, but it doesn't work with the timeline of RE8 and Encanto 😭 Anyway, I want to do a snippet, so if you have any ideas or more lore 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

[review-anon]

How was Tertro Chapter 2?

In a sentence; emotionally draining, but also good.

Before getting into this I had a horrible dread that this would be worse then the previous chapter due to how horrible Chapter 1 was. And lol and behold I was not disappointed.

Since talking about Chapter 2 would be going into obvious spoiler territory its under the cut we go

Now due to the fact Saturday was a very busy day for me, I couldn't really do the streams so I had to watch in my own time to catch up. This means I miss the banter and the running community of Bubbles and TA, but I did manage to watch all the episodes prior to the BDA.

As expected for a new chapter we have a new floor and this seems to be a very artsy floor as its got art rooms, sound editing software and drama rooms. There's a pool but its very interesting that while we have to wait until Chapter 3 to confirm anything but I'm starting to think each floor might be "themed" and the 1st floor is the art/drama floor.

We also get to see some of the personalities of the other characters such as Wataru who didn't really do anything last chapter but has now self-decleared herself as headmaster but unlike with previous leader attempts, this seems to all be a joke. Later on I also get the feeling she's a lesbian given how attracted she seems to be for Mai.

Of course last chapter focused on Hiroaki and Yagami and this one follows the fallout of that. Hiroaki is NOT taking the Killing Game well at all and as later on he starts to suffer withdrawal effects from the fact he doesn't have his drugs, its clear he's not coping well at all. His friendship with Ojima is interesting as both might be getting self-aware of the fact they are co-dependant on each other which isn't healthy for both of them. That's some interesting levels of emotional maturity there.

Yagami goes through a full villain arc right here. Now in some ways its hard to not feel sorry for him given that the whole "cheating on his girlfriend" was revealed and as it turns out both girls were shallow bitches who just used Yagami because he's so naive and trusting in others. However, I have a horrid feeling the reason he attached himself to Sasaki so much was because she was similar to his ex, which isn't a good thing. But at the same time I'm annoyed he cannot get his stick out of his arse and while him beating up Hiroaki was kinda deserved since the former has been a colossal prick, he did go too far with the beatdown and it would have ended in a murder had the others not stepped in.

I'm actually impressed with this cast as they don't fall into the same pitfalls many casts in both canon and fangan games do, as despite all being 17 year olds, they are quite mature about their situation and do the most logical things, and its very telling the motives have to be so brutal and unfair to push them to even kill in the first place. And even then it can take days after a motive is revealed before someone cracks.

As for my favs, Mai is proving to be best girl as she's the most sensible person here, when the Yagami situation unfolds she suggests holding him prisoner in the dark room for 24 hours with guards to see if he shows any signs of improvement and even then she keeps him close at all times to ensure no more dirty business. However she isn't heartless as she points out to Yagami how nasty his former girlfriends are, plus as we see with her in a suit, while she is a very serious person, there is moments she can let her guard down.

Chiba also gets some moments as she runs into the same issue the likes of Hiyoko, Himiko and Kanata have had in the past, her small size compared to her peers means despite being the same age, she's treated like a child. I also think that she's probably played child roles in the past and its why she's so malnorished since her Stage Mother of a manager wants to keep that youth forever. Especially with the makeup she has on to remain childlike. That actually proves to be helpful as she was able to fix up Hiroaki's face, to a degree that it turns out better then his old face was. So her arc throughout the chapter is showing she can be mature and her deterimination to get up the vent. This causes a bit of a fallout with her friends Hama and Harada but the two were able to make it up with her.

Hiroaki is another person I'm starting to like more and more as while I won't talk too much here since another ask has asked me what my thoughts are with him, it shows how much of a complex character he is. Yes, he's an arsehole, but he's also an arsehole who has a point. He also is quite insightful as his interview reveals that he believes beauty is what's on the inside and the outside could enhance it, but if you are a ugly person internally, you will always be ugly. That's...a surprising take from him and makes me wonder how he and Arturo would behave with each other. And the fact he likes Chiba because she not only fixed his face but also showed some maturity, is proof he doesn't hate everyone aside from Ojima.

As for the motive...I fucking hate being right because I guessed it was gonna be gas that would make people act up, and we had that due to adrelianine gas being pumped in. While it would never go to fatal amounts, this would increase tensions and cause people to behave irrationally. We see this occur as Hiroaki becomes more snappy and paranoid, as I feel his withdrawal effects are made worse by the gas, Wada almost dies due to health complications from said gas, Yagami goes psycho due to grief from Sasaki's death and his anger towards Hiroaki, and Kamimura has his health issues made worse espeically given how stubborn he is. It also I think made Chiba act more deterimined to go up the vent.

What makes this worse is the masterminds who I have plenty to say about, are not only moaning that the cast is too stable as the motives are expensive, but it turns out Monomoko was doing stuff behind their backs to make the game run smoothly as they were the ones who brought a oxygen tank in to make sure Wada didn't die from the gas. So much anger came when the scientists complained that Monomoko brought controband in even if it was to make sure someone didn't die, implying they would have been willing to let Wada DIE from that.

Thus we get to the death and....Bubbles failed rule number one for Danganronpa; don't expect your favourites to survive. Heck I liked Chiba as well but I also fully expected her to die horribly. Still the fact she was seemly hung was confusing as not many people could get up there so who could have even killed her.

My talent of not leaving a single detail unnoticed and using them to build a case was handy as while there wasn't anyone super obvious to me, I noticed a few things that were off. Firstly Chiba was in her pyjamas even though she never wears them which makes me think the killer changed her clothes. Her ransaked room more or less confirmed to me as obviously, the killer didn't know where her clothes were kept so they were just tearing the room up. I think Hiroaki tearing Harada's room apart to find his dope was foreshadowing of that.

Next the behaviour of Harada. Normally you could hear Sawa while he's there, even though its obvious the developers don't know what tigers sound like (They don't purr or meow, they make chuffing noises when content), and also whenever his sprite shows up, you cannot see the tiger tail in his bag. There's also his extreme distress upon finding Chiba's body as yes he was close to Chiba but so was Hama and while both boys were upset, Harada was even more in distress. Given he didn't react like at all when Osono was killed, it made me wonder if his crying wasn't just the cries of someone who lost a close friend, but tears of angrish, guilt and distress due to knowing their blood is on your hands.

This plus proof that Chiba made it up to the vents and she had Okazaki's gun, made me conclude that while the scientists were trying to make the humans paranoid, they forgot there was an animal there. And no matter how cute Sawa is, she is still a tiger. Tigers are wild animals, they are apex predators, and they are the number one cause of fatalities in zoos. In fact how Chiba got killed I think is the main reason people die to tigers, since the tigers are fed, they aren't attacking people to kill them, they just see that person as a toy to play with but since thy are so much stronger then a human, their rough play can easily cause severe damage and even death. Sawa just wanted to play with Chiba, but a tiger's idea of play is a bit too much for a human to handle. As due to Sawa's age she wouldn't have been hunting Chiba, tigers stay with their mothers for about 2 years. This was just play gone horribly wrong.

If you think I'm joking, I recall watching a documentary about a zoo in Florida which had to endure the worst hurricane session at the time, and one episode had a zoo keeper get severely injured by a black leopard cub. The cub of course was just playing, but their claws and teeth are so strong it causes serious injuries to the person in question.

Once I connected the dots, I knew this was gonna be a horrible case because by any sane person, Harada was innocent since it was Sawa who acted out and killed Chiba. But Sawa was owned by Harada, and thus if she killed Chiba, the masterminds would count Harada as the culprit. I wanted this to be so wrong...but unfortunately the evidence and instincts don't lie and I was able to make it 2/2, but at what cost? Especially as I really like Harada butttt I always suspected he was gonna bit the dust and his tiger was gonna be the reason why as its one thing to bring pets into a Killing Game. Its another thing to bring a freaking wild animal into the Killing Game. I had a horrid feeling Sawa was gonna cause something, but of course it had to be in the worst way possible.

I should also note that while both Hama and Harada were breaking down, they weren't the biggest ones as Timeline Anon went through the biggest meltdown I've seen ANY Danganronpa let's player do, as she was screaming that it doesn't count that Harada was innocent, it was Sawa who killed Chiba not him. And she claim this is the most unfair ruling ever as even if the Hibiki verdict was BS, at least Hibiki actually did kill Setsuka, even if she was under the puppet state. Harada didn't even touch Chiba.

Well I would say this is the second most BS ruling as The Mistake's Chapter 1 verdict was even worse because the culprit there gave the victim a poisoned coffee he didn't even know was poisoned due to the victim who was trying to kill everyone, forgot about.

Okazaki also seems to be a sociopath to me as she was willing to conduct some very unethical means to get results. She wanted to test Wada wasn't lying about being claustrophobic? Locked him into the bathroom stall until he had a panic attack, confirming he couldn't go up the vent. She then used the gun, which was her's to begin with, to shoot in thin air and cause Kamimura to pass out from shock to once again prove he couldn't have done it since the gun would have been too much for him. Yes these results helped but she didn't consider anyone's feelings at all which makes me question her morality as a person. I really hope she isn't the standard BS Chapter 3 Culprit but well...she's displaying red flags. Remember that Kanade displayed red flags in Chapter 2?

The execution is basically Chiaki's Danganronpa 3 execution and the way the scientists describe it, it really makes you hate them as the lead bitch behind this, yes she has a name but these motherfuckers don't deserve names so we aren't giving them any, is complaining about the executions not because they are cruel, but because she sees them as a waste of resources.

This then brings me to Part 2 of my chats with @spyrkle4 about the masterminds and I think I've come up with a solid theory on the purpose of the Killing Game and why despite everyone and their mother wanting them to all die horrible deaths, I think they will get away with everything. And its all down to motives.

Motives to me are the ways I see as figuring out the purpose of a Killing Game. Trigger Happy Havoc's were all temptations as Junko wanted to show the world even the "best of the world" could fall to their vices and become scum. Goodbye Despair's was all about trying to kill as many people as possible, since AI Junko wanted to take over their bodies. Killing Harmony's was about putting on a good show, since the game was entertainment for a brainwashed mass. Another Despair Academy's motives were all over the place, but since it was a test run of the Killing School Life, it was meant to see what motives stick and which ones didn't. SDRA2's purpose was to break Yuki so by making it so those close to him suffer, it would drive him down the deep end. And while Despair Time has only had one motive so far, I am confident the Mastermind just wants Teruko to die.

So with all that, the fact the motives are designed to push people to their limits until they break makes me believe this all a experiment into psychological warfare. Maybe the stability of the cast was chosen on purpose as if they can get the most sane people to crack, it would be very useful data. Now the question is; who's funding this? Well if its a experiment into psychological warfare this means its either a miltary secret project or and this is what I'm leaning more towards; an black ops project conducted by intelligence services.

After all we know the CIA and the KPD during the Cold War were VERY interesting in studying ways to control and break people down. This makes this even worse as this means this project most likely has govermental backing behind it. This explains why nobody will find the cast; they might have had their deaths faked in the outside world or they slienced the ones who care to go after them. And since this is a government project this also explains the funding issues, as they want results. Unfortunately this means even if the survivors make a stink about it, they are unlikely to get anyway as their memories might be wiped and they have a fake backstory to explain why they vanished, and the scientists get away with everything.

I know everyone wants them to die, but if the government is behind this, then unless a major revolution takes place, I severely doubt it. But I, Review Anon, will promise you something if the scientists become Karma Houdinis.

I have been writing the lore behind RA's character and one of the mysteries will be which universe did RA originate from. If they get away with everything, then I will make it a reality that Review Anon would have hailed from the Tetro Danganronpa Pink universe. And this reason this would be a case of getting justice is what I have planned...well...let's just say those scientists are gonna have a fate worse then death.

Much, MUCH WORSE.

Either way this is a amazing chapter even if it was highly emotional and kept me up until 2AM (thanks timezones), and I await with baited breath for the next chapter.

[thereisnolumos]

I can't decide between 4, 6 or 7 which is the worse ron. Honestly can't. 6th year ron strings Hermione along knowing they like each other, but purposely goes for Lavender. Than gets annoyed with Lavender by the end, and instead of dumping her he says Hermione's name. All while getting annoyed with Hermione for going out with that Cormac guy. 4th year he gets jealous that Harry is in a life or death situation and abandons him, ruins Hermione's first dance and date. Used Hermione as a last resort for a date to the yule ball, and got annoyed with her when she already had a date and assumed no one asked her. Or 7th year, made promise to stick with Harry during Horcrux hunting but fucked off when it got too hard. Got jealous of Hermione and Harry, only liked Hermione as a sorta prize to be won to prove he was better than Harry, than came back like everything is ok with a bullshit apology.

Ron gets progressively worse the older he gets

He treats Hermione like shit from the beginning, when they become “friends” he always treats her as if her time and attention is owed to him, like she’s supposed to always be there. It starts small with “Hermione will always give me homework to copy” and progresses to “She’ll be available for the Ball when every other girl will reject me” and “She’ll wait for me to want her in a relationships” as he ages.

Also, Ron is the epitome of “weaponized incompetence” and it’s infuriating to me how many times he uses it to get Hermione to do smth for him/instead of him.

Ron is extremely jealous of EVERYONE around him. And this trait gets progressively worse with his age too. In book 1 he is envious of Harry’s new broom, but he’s still capable to be happy for him as well. By book 4 he looses all traces of empathy and compassion and is envious of smth Harry 1) clearly had nothing to do with and everyone with brain would be able to tell, 2) could literally result in his death and it was stated EXPLICITLY many times. But all he sees is “Harry is the center of attention again” and treats him like shit for it. Not once was Harry ever happy or seeking for any sort of fame or recognition, especially considering WHAT he’s famous for.

Also in Book 4 he’s angry and feeling betrayed by Hermione HAVING A GOOD TIME. He’s threatened by someone else being in her life at all, someone she clearly likes and interested in. Because how could it be, that she dares to spend time with anyone else! The traitor! Honestly, I would’ve punched him square in the face for the shit he poured on her at the Yule Ball.

I consider him “sticking with Harry” in book 5 to be 1) I just screwed up, I can’t again or this time it’ll be for good and I can’t manage on my own bcs I’m that useless, plus 2) it’s us against the world! Harry is finally on the other side of famous and it’s so cool. Maybe not entirely conscious on his part, but I do believe these were the reasons for him, similar as they were in Book 2

In book 6 he’s truly shown to grow into a misogynistic asshole. He slut shames his sister for kissing a boy (if I recall he started doing it in Book 5, bit in 6 he’s off the rails with it), he once again shames and guilts Hermione for being asked out by someone else, he uses Lavender to get back at her (Lavander deserved so much better from the narrative overall, but we already established that JKR hated women). And he treats Lavander like shit through all of it! Ronald Weasley is the asshole of a first boyfriend that you drag through mud with your girlfriends for years to come because he was THAT HORRIBLE

And then the ultimate abandonment in book 7… if the writer would be even slightly better, he wouldn’t have returned and these would be a good arc of “not all friendship survives the hardships, or even just time. Not all friends will be with you forever”. Which is an important message for young people, because everyone always believe that they’ll be best friends forever for the entire life but it so rarely works. And it’s normal, that it doesn’t. There doesn’t have to be a grand betrayal or falling out, sometimes your paths just lead you to very different places. Ron didn’t betray them in the sense that Peter betrayed the Marauders (which we still don’t have any real reason for by the way. She just wrote that it happened with NOTHING supporting it backing up that plot), he didn’t switch sides. He just left. Because while Harry and Hermione understood the reality and graveness of war and their situation, Ron still treated it as “an adventure”, he “played in war” if you will. Many like to claim that “it was all the horcrux that he was wearing! It made him feel this and say this!” - both Hermione and Harry wore it too. Even longer than Ron, who didn’t wear it while his wounds healed. The horcrux didn’t put these thoughts in his head, it played off of what was already there. Did it exhilarate and magnified it? Yes, of course. But it was all already in his mind before he ever put the locket on. All of these thoughts and tendencies could’ve been found throughout all other books. And that’s why I never bought into his return, it didn’t feel organic with the rest of the story. It made no sense. She put it there simply bcs she decided that “trio must remain” and that Hermione will end up with him, for some reason that is beyond my understanding

[tea-and-secrets]

.

(1)

I need to ramble about an ex friend real quick

Lets call him [RED] since that's not his real name but the similarities between him and this character are uncanny, and let's call me [GREEN] since that's my name.

So this guy. We've been friends since grade [REDACTED]. We've always been good friends. He's pretty cool, always been pretty cool. One day, in grade like [REDACTED], he just stops talking to me for some reason. Why, you ask!? BECAUSE HIS GIRLFRIEND CONVINCED HIM TO CUT OFF ALL HIS FRIENDS. but this isn't about his ex-girlfriend (boyfriend? Partner? Never bothered to update but I'm pretty sure his ex girlfriend was trans too). We managed to make up after that.

Anyway, we'd spent most of our childhoods on and off between this strange state of friendship and him not even acknowledging my existence. Grade [REDACTED] we were friends, grade [REDACTED] we weren't, grade [REDACTED] we were friends, grade [REDACTED] we were acquaintances, grade [REDACTED] was rocky but we eventually made up. And most of grade [REDACTED] was fine.

Then his ex started to say and do some pretty awful shit, including encouraging him to s/h. She was pretty horrible to me too, even when we were friends. Anyway, covid hits and we start losing contact, and then grade [REDACTED] starts and we're pretty much besties again since we never saw his ex again (where did she go?). We also met this one kid, who's gonna be important later on, who let's call [GREY].

(2)

Anyway, me and [RED] have a few more fights, and we end up in a low point. This is like the end of grade [REDACTED]. We're still friends, but it's not good. Me and [GREY] ended up getting closer over the summer, since we conveniently lived super close. [REDACTED] grade starts and me and [RED] get super close again, to the point of me confessing feelings for him that I've had since we met (Also confessing that I hated his crush (who let's name [BRONZE] since I'm an unoriginal whore), which leads to me never talking to [BRONZE] or any of her friends again, which i was fine with cause I'd always hated her), and he cuts me off for like an entire day or two or three. Which sucks, obviously, but we get over it and are besties. [GREY] and [RED] are also close, which makes sense.

Soon, me and [GREY] share each other's first kiss and start dating, and [RED] is PISSED. no clue why. So anyway, with a clueless little [GREEN] now dating a clueless [GREY], and a [RED] who seems to hate me and doesn't talk to [GREY], we end up having a fight that ends with me in tears and I do something that I very much regret (I set something of his on fire after school. Little [GREEN] was a pyromaniac -- i still sort of am).

Anyway, [GREY] forgives me since they knew that I was being impulsive and irrational, but [RED] is still not talking to me. Then, suddenly, the whole class save for [GREY] and my other best friend (Uhhh…. [CRIMSON], sure) starts hating me. Then, suddenly, the whole school. I ask [CRIMSON], and they (at the time she) tells me that [RED] had not only told everyone what I did, but also spread a shit ton of rumours about me. I was basically shunned from everyone and everything, until I had to move away later in grade [REDACTED].

Keep in mind, I was [REDACTED] years old when this happened.

(3)

Anyway, time skip a few horrible months, and I finally get in contact with [RED] again. He's convinced we're still besties, and by then I'd blocked grade [REDACTED] out of my head, so I start hanging out with him again, and invite him to my [REDACTED] birthday party. but for some reason he seems very uncomfortable with me. I ask him why, and it turns out that he's not comfy with how "friendly" I'm being.

Unbeknownst to me, I was acting like the end of grade [REDACTED] never happened -- which i was because i couldnt REMEMBER the end of [REDACTED] grade. So we have another fight, and we're basically never as good friends again as we used to be. We're still distant acquaintances.

Time skip another few horrible years, to about a month ago. During [REDACTED] grade, me and [GREY] had decided not to date, but we are still very good friends (occasionally with benefits). By now, [GREY] and [RED] are also friends. [GREY] gives me [RED]'s snapchat, and we start "chatting."

He asks me how I've been, and I return the favour. A few selfies. Some mutual updates on a game we like. He asks about school, and I tell him how junior high and high school had been since we last talked, since that's what you do. I ask the same, and he starts going off at or on me for - something?? I can't tell, but he doesn't seem happy.

Anyway, I don't answer his nonsensical rant, and he texts me a few weeks later "Hey, [GREEN], what's up??" So I, not liking him and now remembering why we stopped talking in the first place, again don't answer. A few days later, a lot of friends I had saved on snap from our old school had blocked me. Apparently, according to [GREY] at least, [RED] spread more rumours about me. His excuse? "Payback." IT WAS TWO YEARS AGO!! YOU CAN GET A NEW ONE!! You didn't have to make everyone hate me over it!!!

Anyway, yeah, we still haven't talked since then. I hate him and he hates me and I can't watch the character [RED] without thinking about him. It sucks, but I'm glad he's out of my life.

[dragoncookies]

Sophie is Fitz's "lacy"

Think about it! As of late in the series Shannon brings to jarring light, in the cognate inquisition scene, the jealousy Fitz has of Sophie and how Fitz puts her on a pedestal. So, all at the same time, he views her as perfect, is jealous of her capabilities and has feelings for her. I can't help but hear that phenomenon when I listen to Lacy. The lyrics in Lacy are also just so juicy and fun to analyze.

Full lyrical analysis below the cut (it's a lot, but I love doing this sort of thing)

Lacy, oh lacy, skin like puff pastry.

Aren’t you the sweetest thing on this side of hell?

Dear angel lacy, eyes wide as Daisy’s,

Did I ever tell you that I’m not doing well?

(this is the longest paragraph, I promise)

The first lyrics here set up the whole song by characterizing the subject of the song. The emphasis on calling lacy “sweet” and an angel is the narrator criticizing this person for the fact that they can never seem to be wrong, and that they just seem like an angel who always has the best intentions. Of course, these lyrics are also just literally calling the person sweet and caring in nature (most of this song has lyrics that have double meanings, which is why this song fits Fitz’s feelings about Sophie as of the latest book so well imo). Sophie is a pretty sweet girl, but most importantly she calls all the shots and doesn’t get as much flack for what she does, whether it be a good call or not. For example, Sophie was BARELY held accountable for when she let Alvar go in Legacy (not hating on our favorite Sophie, but that was a horrible choice). In Marella’s short story, Marella is faced with a hard choice and so she thinks of what Sophie would do in her place. For Fitz, it seems to him that Sophie can just do whatever she wants and not get any criticism for what she does. Where HE wants to be perfect and always do what is right, he seems to only do what is wrong, and compared to how Sophie can only seem to do what is right it is probably frustrating for Fitz. Of course, none of this is Sophie’s fault. Fitz needs to learn find peace in himself and not to make Sophie something other than mortal (I would say human but they’re not actually human are they?). Fitz cannot do this at the moment, however, because he’s “not doing well” as is said by the song. He still never fully has gotten to process his feelings about Alvar, as for the ENTIRETY of Flashback he literally had to bottle all his emotions or he would die. That’s lowkey traumatizing. 

Fitz is just not doing his best, simply put. 

Ooh, I care, I care, I care.

Like perfume that you wear, I linger all the time,

Watching, hidden in plain sight.

The emphasis on “I care” reveals that the narrator is pained by the degree to which they care. They don’t want to care as much as they do, but still they’re always watching and needing to know more about the “lacy” that they loathe. Fitz doesn’t want to let his jealousy affect his friendship and his feelings for Sophie as much as they do.

Ooh, I try, I try I try,

But it takes over my life, I see you everywhere,

the sweetest torture one could bear.

Fitz really does try. He’s always saying he’s working on himself, and he does. Yet, the progress isn’t instantaneous, and the rate at which Sophie’s success conflicts with his own is greater than the rate at which Fitz tries to manage his feelings. Fitz’s entire life is supposed to be about being the greatest and the most “perfect” elf there is, but when Sophie comes in and starts to fill in all those standards, it can’t help but conflict with Fitz’s pursuits in an ugly way. So the lyrics "it takes over my life" and "I see you everywhere" are pretty fitting. 

Yet, Fitz wants her. He wants to spend his life with her. Fitz admires her and can’t help but develop feelings for this pretty girl who was a breath of fresh air from his life of perfection (though distorted by the warped view elves have of romance because of the matchmaking system). So, torture though it is for Fitz to watch Sophie take his place as the greatest, it is sweetened by the fact that he’s watching someone he admires (matching the lyrics "the sweetest torture one could bear). 

Smart, sexy lacy, I’m loosin’ it lately

I feel your compliments like 

bullets on skin

Coming from someone above you, compliments can feel untrue, and when you’re jealous of that person who is above you, those compliments can just feel painful. 

Before Legacy, Fitz and Sophie were on the same page, and their relationship with each other was great, too great. Fitz also seemed be more useful in past books in the series, but as of late he hasn’t been very useful (as Rayni joked about in the beginning of Stellarlune. It was funny but also I felt bad for Fitz). 

Sophie starts to ghost Fitz during Legacy. Then when Fitz tries to find Alvar by searching through Cassius’s mind (bold, Fitz), Fitz finds out Cassius was playing him the whole time! Cassius was never really going to tell Fitz where Alvar was, but Cassius had no problem letting Sophie know. Sophie was just better than Fitz in that she could search Cassius’s mind and that she found Alvar. In a single day, Sophie did both of Fitz’s projects for him. Then Sophie reveals in book 10 that actually she has feelings for Keefe, so even romantically he isn’t good enough. Ouch. As of late, Fitz is loosing control of his perfect facade and of his ability to control his life, and so in turn he spirals inside and looses control of all the little things he used to be able to control about himself. 

Dazzling, starlet, Bardot reincarnate, 

Well aren’t you the greatest thing to ever exist?

While Sophie isn’t aspiring to be an actor, she is aspiring to be a “star” in the sense that she’s the symbol of change and she’s aspiring to be something great (referring to the lyric “starlet”). From the moment she entered the lost cities, Fitz's pride in life, everything he was made to be and told he had to become, starts to be fulfilled by this talented girl named Sophie. She begins to overshadow Fitz in a lot of ways during the series, like how she ends up in the nobility (Fitz's dream job) or ends up finding Alvar (something Fitz has been trying to do for months and months). So the judge-y tone in which Olivia sings “well aren’t you the greatest thing to ever exist?” are a pretty great way to represent the contempt Fitz likely seems to feel.

Ooh, I care, I care, I care

Like ribbons in your hair, my stomach's all in knots

You got the one thing that I want

The simile of “like ribbons in your hair, my stomach’s all in knots” describes a feeling emotional turbulence. Which, in relation to Fitz, is fitting since he likely feels strongly about his current relationship with Sophie. The beginning scene of Unlocked actually details it. When Keefe could feel Fitz’s emotions, Keefe said he felt, “Sadness. Nervousness. Regret. Loneliness. Plus a hefty dash of anger” (idk what page number). He really does like Sophie, their friendship is priceless. 

The lyrics “you got the one thing that I want” have a double meaning. On one hand, Sophie is the one he wants. She stole his heart (and now she broke it, oops). On the other hand, she has leadership, a position of power that makes Fitz secretly so jealous. All these conflicting feelings surely turn his stomach up in knots.

Ooh, I try, I try, I try

Try to rationalize, people are people

But it's like you're made of angel dust

These lyrics convey that the author struggles to view this person as a normal human being because they’ve idolized this person in their mind. 

What is also frustrating is trying to be rational about someone when you’ve idolized them. In the cognate inquisition it was revealed that Fitz viewed Sophie as this strong, fearless and perfect leader. Now that it's become a problem, he has to try to see her as a normal elf, full of flaws (just like everyone), but it's hard for him to let go of the expectation of perfection he’s lived under his whole life.

I’ve often wondered if that’s why he views Sophie the way he does. Maybe he’s just been projecting his own need to be perfect onto her, and has been falling for the Sophie in his mind that would please his Vacker family instead of the real Sophie. 

(bridge)

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

This doesn’t have to do with the lyrics above (it's just “oh” so not much to go off of), but the way Olivia sings this whole song is whispery and angelic, but strained, almost as if she’s fighting herself. She’s singing a song about an ugly flaw in a beautiful way, painfully unearthing the jealous side of admiring someone on top of condemning them for being seemingly perfect. Fitz himself is this image of perfection. He’s the epitome of elven culture. He’s a beautiful, ethereal elf, who has the most perfect life and does everything right. Yet, his flaws are such a stark contrast in comparison. The way Shannon has written him has a heavy emphasis on his struggle to work on his flaws. His whole character sort of symbolizes the elven world, in that it's so pretty and perfect on the outside but broken and hiding horrors inside. As the elven world crumbles throughout the series, so does he. 

An angelic song about one’s own flaws is very fitting for him, I'd say.

Lacy, oh lacy, 

it's like you’re out to get me. 

You poison every little thing that I do.

This last, whispered bit of the song reveals the true loathing. For every lyric before the this point, any feelings of true loathing were braided into comments of adoration. Here, however, it is confessed that the author is scared of the way this “lacy” threatens them. This “lacy” really effects them, she poisons the authors life. The speaker feels targeted by lacy’s success, like it's a personal attack, and to the author it is personal. This “lacy” makes the author feel smaller in comparison. It's a deeper, hidden self loathing. The author is jealous of lacy’s perfection because the author loathes themselves for not being perfect like lacy is. So everything the author does seems to be disgustingly unworthy compared to what lacy does. 

This is how Fitz feels about Sophie in a sense. Maybe not as strongly, but certainly Fitz’s subconscious desire and pressure to be perfect generates feelings inside him that parallel what Olivia Rodrigo describes here. 

Sophie is Fitz’s “lacy”. 

Lacy, oh lacy,

I just loathe you lately,

And i despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you.

Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you.  

Fitz never used to feel this way about Sophie, at least not to the degree that he feels now. As things have shaken out, he’s been loathing her. 

This is something that likely frustrates him, because he likes Sophie. She’s his best friend besides Keefe (debatable). Nobody wants to be obsessively jealous over someone they love. Yet, this obsession with Sophie, the reasons that he is jealous of her, are also why he started to fall in love with her, and pretty hard. This is why the lyric “I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you” goes so hard (excuse my un-academic language). His mind is poisoned by the need for perfection that growing up as basically elven royalty, as a Vacker, conditioned him to. He has a spoiled mindset, he’s used to getting what he wants, and for things to go his way (relating to the lyrics "my rotten mind”). Maybe he just wants to get Sophie out of his head, maybe he just wants to stop feeling for her the way he does. 

Maybe he just wants Sophie to stop being the thorn in his heart that she has likely, unfortunately, become because of his "rotten mind". 

(none of this analysis is Sophie or Fitz hate. We love Sophie in the household, and we also love Fitz in this household)

[anomymoussoapbar]

hey, I saw one of your posts and your account and said you wanted to learn more about proship, right? (Sorry I can be a lil overthinker at times) I can explain my own causes if that can help you learn another perspective. THIS IS GONNA BE LONG SO PLEASE BE PATIENT.

First off, I am mostly a darkshipper! darkshippers ship the illegal stuff, like incest and you know all that. I am myself a darkshipper mostly. I ship things like "stalker x victim", "yand3re", "obsessive dynamics" and all that stuff similar. I DONT ship the illegal incest/ age gaps but Instead I prefer to go with the illegal toxic dynamics!

Now as to WHY I am a darkshipper and why I use this KIND OF FICTION to 'cope' comes from a past experience of mine. Not gonna go into detail, but I used to be very obsessive and have unhealthy attachments! They weren't good at all! I even had harmful intrusive thoughts because I would get jealous and live In a constant fantasy of "yandere wannabe" (Lol- I was 11 at that time ok💀) Which almost led me to end up harming others irl! (Hopefully I never did) and Now, I am out of that phase, I went to therapy for a while but then my mom got me outta there for idk why, which is why after i finished therapy, I wanted to manage my same intruisve thoughts and urges as much as i could! which is what led me to discover proshipping! (Or darkshipping specifically)

I project myself onto my dynamics and characters, so i can relieve myself when im feeling stressed or have a strong urge to go back to that horrible phase of my life and not care about anything else (to be short, i am impulsive. Also, ive also tried things like writing and drawing but they dont help as much)

Shipping these kind of fucked up dynamics GENIUNELY GENIUNELY helped me figure out the severity of it and gave me more control and the common sense to not do those things irl. Since I am now taking out the intrusive and impulsiveness outta me in fiction and not real life, I am not harming anyone! Nor do I truly wish to. My preteen years were f'ed up but I am better now and darkshipping has helped me through that. I don't condone abuse nor toxicity irl, and I NEVER WILL, since I am now aware of how grave the situations are if you take it out of fiction and put it in a real life setting.

The main reason for darkshipping is to relieve myself in fiction without worry I am harming others (because it's fiction) whlist knowing the severity of the ships if they were in in real life. As a proshipper (someone who's anti-harassment and supports problematic media, pairings, or are laid-back about it), most of us go by this saying: "ship and let ship". Also, we KNOW fiction AFFECTS reality, it can and it will, but not on a 1:1 scale (meaning it only affects reality when the shipper doesn't have the common sense to differentiate the two or if it's a kid, who's brain hasn't developed yet)

I WILL always keep my ships in fiction, and I am no longer feeling as impulsive as I did all those years ago, because darkshipping for some reason helped me figure out a way, which was projecting onto characters as well as exploring dark dynamics for fun!

Each Proshippers/darkshippers/comshipper's stories are a reason for who they are now. We don't go around and go committing those things we ship irl because it's very wrong to do so. As someone who almost attempted horrible things irl at such young age like 11, I myself now have the common sense and the control within myself now that I'm a little more grown up. Now i am older, I know have the care and healthy attachment to keep friendships and hang out with others, be more self-controlling and of course, more understanding of myself and others.

PLEASE PLEASE take care of yourself, if anything bothers you distance yourself from it, drink plenty of water and go for a walk or do your fav hobby, anything when you're feeling a little down ❤️ I'm GLAD I could talk to someone about this! So sorry if it was very long but I hoped this helped with your perspective. You're loved and you're very amazing, I love your account, and I'm willing to share more some other time. Bye👋

Hello :*)

Thank you so much for sharing your reasoning. I love how you found yourself a healthy way to vent out feelings and express them in ways that you can realize how realistically would be harmful. Interesting how darkshipping is actually quite common now that you defined it.

Killers/stalkers/kidnappers x victims are a common trope people love and the complexity of it is something I see everywhere. Even self proclaimed antis use these tropes as well. I never really thought about it until now LOL.

Also, thank you so much for the ask, you are very kind. I am sorry I took so long to get to you 🌸💕 and for the other askers as well. I will get to you all soon. I love you all and the support I have received in this blog.

Explanation for inactivity under cut

I have begun my studies again, and have focused SO much on them I have been neglecting my tumblr. Specifically this one. Trust me when I say this is NOT bait. I promise.

-Soapy

[hiddenmoonbeam]

Okay let's kick the dog, and I want to suggest that he gets lured into a feeling of safety by someone who then does him more harm yk? Idk who though

Oooooh yes this is deliciously painful!! And with lots of options I feel, both as AUs and canonverse. I don't know who it would be either, but I'm considering at what points this person would have a chance to actually trick him like this, considering he has such strong friendships (especially ofc with James). So my thoughts:

Three points at which I feel like he'd be very vulnerable:

-when he's a teen dealing with the abuse from his family, if he for some reason can't talk to James or their other friends about it, maybe out of shame, maybe because they just don't get it because they have nice families. And there's no physical proof, so is it really that bad? He can't explain it. So if he starts pulling away from them, a new friendship or a relationship might form here. Or a teacher who notices something is wrong? And it takes time to make Sirius trust, especially an adult probably. And so fucking crushing when the person later makes him feel even worse.

-if he doesn't have James when running away from home, but ends up with someone else he does trust then but that turns out to be awful to him later on in some way, friendship, relationship, either works.

-if he never goes to Azkaban, or gets out much sooner, but now James is gone, and he's raising a baby/child all alone (because Remus didn't go to Hogwarts? Or the war and loss broke their friendship so much Remus left) and he's struggling with grief and trauma. Someone new could enter the picture here too, insisting on staying when everyone else have left him. And Sirius is so exhausted, so desperate to feel safe again.

I also came to think of "quicker" betrayals such as

-first war mission where he gets in trouble but manages to escape, finds someone who insists they're on the same side and can help him, but then betrays him. Canon divergence with other/more spies? Or maybe right before Halloween 81 and it's Peter tricking him.

-Peter in general actually, which isn't quick since they've been friends for years, but making Sirius feel safe with the intent to harm/betray him wouldn't take long when Sirius already trusts him.

-Sirius on the run after Halloween 81, maybe he actually got to Harry first and knows he must protect him, he doesn’t know Voldemort is gone, and either way the Death Eaters are still around. Sirius can't trust anyone. If we go an extreme Dumbledore-is-horrible route, he finds Sirius eventually and promises he believes him, but then still lets him be imprisoned.