#also morro: everyone's favorite bitch is back

[ninjas-and-coffee]

I can't wait for the Ninjago live-action to be played by a bunch of white not-teenagers

[ivebeencursedbygays]

Kai: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany! 

Kai, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

Zane: Kai, you can do anything! 

Kai: Anything? 

Zane: Anything! 

Kai, holding a torch: ANYTHING?!?! 

Zane: Wait, not that!

Cole: Guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way? 

Nya: Wait, what’s the difference? 

Cole: One you can use in the oven safely, and the other you can also use in the oven... if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire.

Kai: Time sensitive question how flirt boy. 

Pixal: Throw rocks at he. 

Cole: Hot Dogs. 

Morro: Kill him. 

Kai: Thanks guys.

Nya: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.

Pixal: You use emojis like a straight person. 

Kai: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.

Kai: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? 

Jay: Peonies, why? 

Kai: 

Jay: Were you going to get me flowers? 

Kai: 

Jay: 

Kai: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Jay: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff. 

Nya: Oh, that was all real. 

Jay: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?! 

Nya: If I’m gonna be sacrificed, I’m gonna do it right.

*The gang is about to do something dangerous* 

Cole: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk? 

Kai: Go ahead. 

Cole: Be careful. 

Cole: Don’t die. 

Pixal: *Holds back a laugh* 

Kai: Great. We’re all bloody inspired.

Jay: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT! 

Cole: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone. 

Jay: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch? 

Cole: Somehow that's worse.

Kai: I can’t believe my birth certificate says F... 

Kai: ...How did I fail being born?

Cole: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Zane! 

Zane: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

Pixal: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon. 

Pixal: It's me.

Cole, in a room with Jay, Kai, and Nya: It’s calm in here. 

Cole: It scares me…

Nya: Fight me! 

Kai, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

Zane: Nya got into a fight. 

Kai: That’s bad. 

Kai: 

Kai: Did she win?

Cole: Jay, I don’t think I can handle any more of your tomfuckery. 

Jay: Oh yeah? Well I can keep going until you’re all tomfuckered out!

Kai: Is that a gun?! 

Jay: It's not what it looks like! 

Kai: It looks like a gun! 

Jay: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defense, it doesn't have anymore bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore. 

Kai: ...ANYMORE?!

Kai, to the Squad: I’d die for you. 

Jay: Then perish. 

Pixal: You will. 

Nya: Please don’t. 

Cole: Cool. 

Zane: I’d die for you first.

Nya: If you got arrested what would be the charges? 

Jay: Theft. 

Zane: Disturbing the peace. 

Cole: Aggravated assault. 

Kai: Arson. 

Pixal: All of the above. In that order, probably.

Nya: You know what I asked Santa for Christmas this year? 

Jay: If you say me, I swear I’ll— 

Nya: You? What? No, I asked him for that cool Ninjago Lego set we saw in Target!

Cole, texting Zane: Zane there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it? 

Cole: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry 

Cole: Zane 

Cole: Zane 

Zane: Zane is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.

Pixal: A sprite is anything not static. 

Jay: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d. 

Cole: A sprite is a fucking soda. 

Cole: You god damn geekass bastards.

Kai: *sighs* I have no friends... 

Jay: 

Jay: *coughs* Bitch, what am I? A roach?!

Zane: *tapping fingers on table* 

Cole: *taps fingers back furiously* 

Jay: …What’s going on? 

Pixal: Morse code. They’re talking. 

Zane: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … - 

Cole: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Jay: *finds half a watermelon at Whole Foods* 

Jay, holding it up for everyone to see: LIES!

Kai: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one. 

Nya: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Kai, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need— 

Zane: A family. 

Cole: A better love life. 

Nya: Mental stability. 

Pixal: *clueless* Bagels?

Zane: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

Jay: I'm sorry. Please talk to me. 

Kai: 

Jay: Hello? World's most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure? 

Kai: 'Sorry' doesn't bring back my fucking M&Ms.

Nya: You think that’s cringe? Moms around the world wait 9 months just to end up naming their kid Jay. 

Jay: Hey, fuck you.

Jay: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Pixal: Why is Kai crying? 

Zane: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and- 

Kai: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY! 

Pixal: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say- 

Kai: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH! 

Pixal: NO, NOT THAT!

Zane: Hey, what have you two been up to? 

Nya: We were helping Kai write his vows, but he kicked us out because Cole was making inappropriate suggestions. 

Cole: How is “Jay, I love your sweet ass” inappropriate?

[prime-pulse]

Kaiiiii

KAI.... Kai is DEFINITELY a character I have quite a few Thoughts on. When I originally watched the show at like, 6 years old, I hated him SO much but ever since s5 I’ve learned to appreciate and love him more. He’s definitely not one of my favorites but I wouldn’t change him for the world.

- Much like Jay, he tends to be watered down just to how “stupid” he is, when in reality he’s just as smart as anyone else is on the team. People underestimate how smart EVERYONE on the team is; Zane is an intellectual type of smart, Nya is tech-savvy and people-smart, Jay is mechanical-smart and world-smart, Cole is people AND world smart, and Kai is people-smart, world-smart, mechanical-smart, and tech-savvy on occasion. People tend to boil him down to being stupid when he’s like... One of the smartest on the team, really. 

- I think Kai’s confidence is wrongfully assumed to be arrogance and his arrogance wrongly assumed to be confidence a lot of the time. Early seasons Kai was ARROGANT, he was not sure of himself but he made sure to let everyone know he thought he was the baddest bitch to ever live. However, after s4, he started to... Mature, a little more. Let down that “I’m the strongest member of the team and nobody can do anything about it!” act and realize he could be goofy and funny and take a joke; and realize he could be confident in HIMSELF. Then is s5 when he had to face Lloyd, someone he sees like a little brother getting captured (parallel to Nya’s kidnapping in the pilots) he learned to use his head more versus only letting his emotions guide him. He’s had such an amazing development through the seasons tbh I couldn’t put it all into words.

- Kai is very selfless! He has selfish tendencies and I feel like that’s all that’s talked about, but in reality he’s very selfless. In s4 he was willing to sacrifice the team’s, his mentor’s, and his own sisters perspective of himself in order to assure they were safe by putting on a rather convincing act of joining Chen. He also nearly entirely dropped his whole green-Ninja obsession after learning Lloyd was the green ninja, and even though he babied him at first, he ended up helping Lloyd the most when it came to training (personally I think it’s Bc they have the same learning style). He does have times where he’s arrogant and selfish, but I think he deserves to have those moments. Kid’s had a rough life!

- I refuse to believe he doesn’t have a crippling fear of gingerbread men and elves after the whole s1 thing

- As a Morro apologist I think he should’ve been allowed to punch Morro in the face like. At least once.

- I think his hair is naturally spiky. If anything I think he uses hair gel to make it LESS so even. I used to know a kid who’s hair was like the back of a hedgehog; that is Kai’s hair WITHOUT the hair gel

[narcosmx]

narcos mexico headcannon list: them being protective would include (pt. 2)

a/n: just when i thought i couldn’t get any fucking softer i go and i write this, next i’m off to tackle request thank you for being patient with me ... also needed to use this pic bc fuckin wow offended

so for this i divided this up into two categories divided up by how the narcos men would primarily demonstrate their protectiveness

the two groups that they fall under are physically protective and emotionally protective 

physically protective was part 1 and here we are to go into what is for sure going to be the death of me which is those who are emotionally protective 

okay when i say emotionally protective, i’m thinking that they make you feel safe; there isn’t as much concern about a whole army of people following you at all times and willing to kill someone for you but it’s about you knowing that they’re there for you 

not that these motherfuckers wouldn’t kill someone for you but it’s not that they wouldn’t kill someone for you, we all saw the palma scene you know what i’m talking about

it’s just like they’re more likely to kill someone because they disrespected you than because they got too close to you 

anyways the three people that fall into these categories are the softest of narcos men 

palma, benjamin and  chapito i’m sobbing so let’s begin my torture 

hector palma 

my fucking sweet soft ass daddy 

like i want you to think about that scene where lupe comes out crying from the room when clavel tells her that miguel sent out to kill palma

the way he was so freakign soft with her, already reaching out to hold her when he sees her crying 

that is what palma is all about making you feel emotionally safe; like you can tell him absolutely anything and he will be there to 

i am heart eyes at the idea that he would for sure be the one to come check on you to make sure you were okay all the time 

like when you’re at a party and maybe he’s out talking to the other plaza bosses he keeps his eyes on you, stands so he can keep an eye on you 

would make excuses to go get a drink so he can walk by and check on you 

him reaching up to like caress your face with his thumb and leaning down to kiss your forehead and gently lifting your face by your chin to look up at him because he wants you looking into his eyes 

‘todo bien, mi vida? hmm?’ whispering gently before giving you a soft kiss on the lips 

and if he takes too long because you’re like cooing up at him the other guys are smirking and yelling at him to stop being a madilon (being whipped) but he wouldn’t give a shit 

him turning back around after you reassure him you’re okay like 24 times he nods and turns around with his stupid smirk flipping the other guys off and he’s like ‘ya calmanse, tranquilos morros’

notices when you’re off right away, like even if you’re like in the slightest mood he is on it trying to make you feel better

palma will literally call his men to figure shit out today by themselves ‘porque me voy a quedar con mi reina hoy y punto, hijos de su reshingada madre’

will do whatever you need, this bitch would happily stay in bed with you all day/ you want your favorite meal? he will slave in the kitchen all day and just have you curled up in a blanket sitting at the kitchen table

can you just imagine freaking palma with a trapo slung over his shoulder, looking over at you and winking at you, before coming over and squishing your cheeks just being like “ugh mI SHULADA”

but yeah him squishing your face would be something he does often because he’s convinced you’re the cutest piece of shit he’s ever encountered 

will do anything to make sure you’re happy and holy shit if someone makes you unhappy ... if someone upsets you palma’s going off

like baseball bats to he knee head popping off you know

benjamin 

the level headed one amongst a family of complete human firecrackers; calm and collected god he’s such a soft daddy

but also conservative daddy on the streets for sure 

benjamin wouldn’t be one, LIKE HIS BROTHER, to be smacking your ass, kissing at your neck and grabbing at you 

it’s very much like he doesn’t want anyone seeing him be intimate for you; those things are only shared between the two of you 

benjamin treats you and respects you like a queen and he will not fucking stand for anyone treating you like anything less

can you imagine the amount of times he has to smack the shit out of pancho’s and ramon’s head 

angry hissing at them, this isn’t the time where he’s yelling at them this is when he gets in his really low whispers and pulls them really close to threaten them through closed teeth 

like ‘no puedes ver que hay una dama, no quiero oir tus grocerias enfrente de ella, estamos?’ 

and if that’s what he’s out here doing to his brother’s imagine how he would be around literally anyone else 

min makes it a point that you mean so much to him

since he isn’t the biggest in pda, he feels like he needs to constantly reassure you that he still loves you 

 like very subtle acts of pda, holding your hand and giving it a soft squeeze so you’ll look up at him and he’ll give you his warm smile and kiss the back of your hand 

cannot leave the house without a goodbye kiss and being able to tell you to be safe and call him if you need anything 

like he can’t go on with his day if he hasn’t reminded you of those two things 

and at first assuming the whole ‘call me if you need me’ thing was just a thing he said to make you feel better but wouldn’t really be able to do 

but then you call him one day; maybe you’re having car trouble and you need help being like ‘i’m sorry amor... i know you’re busy and...” 

and benjamin is already snapping at someone to get the car ready and is immediately telling you he’ll be there in a few minutes, telling you there is absolutely no reason to apologze he meant it A N Y T H IN G 

i just his protectiveness is all about taking care of you, making you feel safe in the fact that no matter what he got you... you don’t have to worry about anything as long as he’s here 

mi chapito

chapito absolutamente el amor de mi vida i am sobing 

chapito’s protectiveness is about protecting and perserving yOUR HONOR THAT IS SO FUCKING HIM

he’s pretty fucking positive you’re an angel walking on earth 

has told his mom that you’re the angelito that diosito sent him to keep him safe and showing him there’s still some good in this fucking world

anyways you’re the purest and most precious thing in his life and he’s going to make sure you stay that way

needs everyone to see you as their pure bean too okay

the moment that i keep imagining is in season 1 is  when ramon makes fun of chapito about him getting it up 

if anyone made even something approaching a sexual comment around you he would be squaring this person up doesn’t give a shit that is ramon who’s half a foot taller than him no one disrespects his bebe

if some moron said a sexual comment about you fucking forget it okay the sinaloa cartel is fucking savage i need you to consider that palma, THE BOSS, beat someone to death with a baseball bat now imagine what chapito would do as the person PALMA SENDS OUT TO FUCKING MURDER PEOPLE 

in conclusion, chapo would tear someone limb from limb for your ass 

and again on the sinaloenses; they are the biggest fucking group of buttholes they will roast each other all day every fucking day 

and chapito isn’t unaware of this, i mean cochi is his closest friends he knows what this shit is like

and oof fucking chapo can dish it out too and he’ll take it from anyone BUT THE SECOND THAT THE JOKES MOVE TO YOU HE’S SHUTTING THAT SHIT DOWN IN AN INSTANT 

even to coshi he’s like ‘aye aye no te pasas cabron, de mi princesa no se habla’ and gets his most serious face because cochi’s trying to laugh it off 

similar to palma and that he’d be checking in with you all the time; as much as he can and as frequently as he can 

and he doesn’t give a shit about what other people may think of him but if something is upsetting you, making you uncomfortable it is fucking cancelled and he’s going to make sure of it 

always worries about making you feel safe because you are his safety... you are home to him and he’s going to make sure of it 

also protective in like stupid subtle ways wanting to make you feel safe; walking on the side closest to the street on the sidewalk, keeping his hands on your waist when you’re walking through a crowd, always checking the house to make sure everything is locked up, always sleeps with his arms wrapped around you 

i have this idea of him buying you a guard dog so that he knows you’re safe when he’s away... s o  b b i n g

i will end this before i end myself 

[lesmotsincompris]

I was tagged by the sweet @annedey. Sorry this took me forever to answer, those questions were hard!

Rules:  Always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, then write 10 questions of your own, and tag some friends!

Her questions for me:

1. Who is your favorite classical tragic greek heroin?

I know next to nothing about Greek tragedies, so I’m afraid I can’t give a proper answer :( 

2. If you could study something at a university level just for the pleasure of learning without the pressure of your future job/grades/teaching tuitions what would it be?

So many things, but mostly Art, Art History, and Literature. Maybe History too.

3. Favorite foreign book (in relation to your own home country)?

Well, technically all my favorite books are foreign in relation to my home country... so the answer is my favorite book, The Little Prince.

4. What is your dream house?

Oh boy, I have a lot of ideas for that. Mostly:

It can be a huge mansion or a cozy apartment, as long as the decoration is perfect. 

I love modern home designs, especially those that use the space well because I have a lot of crap to store.

It would definitely need a ton of shelves for my books. And my action figures. I’m guessing both collections would be even bigger if I can even afford a house in this scenario!

Also lots of plants and green.

And a pool. Preferably one of those with a cool design too.

Also a bathtub. Am I a water person? I’m definitely a water person.

It could be one of those minimalist black or white palettes with a few bright colors for contrast, but I’ve seen a lot of great decorations using wood or stone too.

Well lit. Very well lit.

Not a single object wouldn’t be pretty according to my personal aesthetic.

Lots of artwork (and in this scenario I have money to buy stuff from all my favorite artists).

Maybe a mezzanine? In an apartment it would be cool.

It should have something fun too, like a slide connecting different floors or a secret passage.

Please don’t give me those glass walls. It’s beautiful, but I’ve seen too many horror movies and it would freak the hell out of me.

Though, you know, in this economy I’m already happy if I could ever afford a house.

5. One historical person, who is considered terrible by the majority, but you are really interested in and why?

Basically every historical lady we ever heard something bad about?

6. What artistic activities (drawing, writing, sculpting etc) are you the most talented in?

I’d say I’m pretty good with writing, good with drawing, decent with painting, and passable with sculpture. Terrible with music and dancing. What is rhythm.

7. Is there a recent movie praised by everyone that you can’t stand?

That’s complicated because I haven’t seen many recent movies lately. Off the top of my head: I really hate The Revenant, I’m lukewarm at best towards Frozen and Brave, and The Artist is nice but highly over-rated and should not have won that Academy Award over Hugo. There, I said it.

8. Boom you are granted 50 000 € (free of taxes), what do you do with them?

Leave this shithole of a country and move to Europe. Yeah, I know Europe is far from perfect, but damn if it doesn’t sound better than here.

9. A famous unsolved mystery that you really wish you could know what exactly happened?

I was gonna say “find out the true story behind My Immortal”, but apparently we solved this one already. Idk, any mystery sounds fascinating to me.

10. What is the most beautiful place you have ever seen?

Oh, that’s tricky, especially because the question is very ambiguous. Are we talking about natural wonders? Human-created wonders? A country, a city, a building...?

If we’re talking about natural beauty, I’d go with Baby Beach in Aruba or Valle Nevado in Chile. Though sadly I haven’t been to a lot of naturally beautiful places (despite living in a naturally beautiful country; you should see how much traveling costs here). 

If we’re talking about cities as a whole, then Brussels and Dresden were impressive, Prague, Rome and Florence are must-sees, and London and Paris are old favorites.

If we’re talking about buildings or parks or other human-created stuff, the list os too huge. Probably some barroque thing, I’m a barroque bitch.

---

Okay now I’m supposed to tag people to answer then questions, so here are my ten questions:

1. What’s something you’re proud about yourself? 

2. What's on your travel wishlist?

3. If you could master any skill instantly, without all the practice and hard work that it would usually require, what would you choose?

4. Name a book/movie/tv show/etc. that changed your life and why.

5. What are the traits that your perfect partner must have? And/or the flaws it can’t have? (it can be a romantic partner or not, your choice)

6. What’s your dream job? You can choose anything regardless of the requirements or how difficult it would be to actually get this job.

7. How many languages are you fluent in? And if you could choose any other languages to be fluent in, what would you pick?

8. What are your biggest dreams/goals in life?

9. What are your favorite sounds?

10. Tell us an interesting fact about you!

I’m tagging @therebelgalaxy, @rosehustle1, @lovelyandweird, @adiffrntbeat and @bythegardengate for reasons, but anyone else that wants to do it can do it and tag me back to see the answers :)