#also me: *comes back with essentially the exact same level of skill*

[devotion-disorder]

wHEN WE NEEDED YOU THE MOST YOU CAME BACK GOD I'M SO HAPPY 😭😭😭😭

WAOUGH I'm really happy to hear that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im still surprised that people even look at my stuff after i just vaporized for a year lol :'')) but comments like this means a lot to me, so thanmkyou so much <3333

[raisedbythetv89]

The writers I think mostly completely by accident with the assistance of James charming his way into becoming a main character created the perfect storm to ensure people who love spike would reach absolute peak levels of being completely obsessively deranged about him forever

Season 2:

He’s a punk rock villain with killer cheekbones, enchanting eyes, and an absolutely DEVILISH smile - who’s an incredibly dedicated and dangerous fighter who specifically seeks out challenging fights he’s not guaranteed to win (brave and reckless - normally traits seen in heroes) hates everyone except his mentally ill physically sick wife (the statistics of men who leave their wives when they get sick in the US is horrifying like nurses literally have to warn married women who get sick it happens so often) who he’s hopelessly devoted to and unbelievably soft with and always listens to her while also exuding a psychotic amount of sex appeal and is just F U N he loves being a vampire and he loves fighting and it makes it so much fun for the audience. While still showing how much he respects and admires his enemy for her skill, strength, resourcefulness, and intelligence - NEVER underestimating her just because she’s a tiny blonde girl - and instead of destroying the world for love he SAVES the world for love - a villain doing good to get the love of his life back who essentially dumped him for her ex????????? D E V O T E D and shockingly extremely trustworthy??? And has amazing chemistry with our heroine and is there for a pivotal moment in her life and is the only one there for her when she has no one else????? *enemies to lovers girlies ENTER THE CHAT*

Season 3:

He shows he fucking MEANS IT when he says Dru is the love of his life when he shows up in Sunnydale because he blames Angel not Buffy or Drusilla but the man actually responsible for all their problems and he is the most pathetic mess we’ve ever SEEN!!!! He’s crying and drunk all the time and he’s so sad he goes to Buffy’s mom TO TALK 💀😭 our pathetic sensitive little self admitted lover boy who KNOWS he’s love’s bitch and he won’t be pretending he’s anything otherwise who shows how clearly he sees and understands other people and the depths of his emotional intelligence so much so Buffy herself admits she can’t fool Spike she can fool her friends BUT NOT SPIKE OR HERSELF EXCUSE ME MA’AM WHAT???????

AND Spike doesn’t just uselessly MOPE forever he gets some perspective and is like I know what I’m gonna do to her back and I’m gonna go do that now! 😁👍🏻 showing he never stays down for long and is always gonna get back up to keep fighting for his love while BOTH he and Buffy still honor the truce even though he’s broken it by coming back??? While Buffy’s all “I violently dislike you” YEAH OK GIRL WHATEVER YOU SAY *enemies to lovers girlies chomping at the bit intensifies*

Season 4:

CLEARLY heartbroken about Drusilla (DEVOTED!!!) but it’s turned into anger and resentment directed at Harmony who how bizarre looks nothing like Drusilla but A LOT like Buffy…… hmmmmmmmmmmmmm HOW INTERESTING *enemies to lovers girlies are vibrating with anticipation that turns into a full blown combustion when something blue happens*

Spike doesn’t pretend to love Harmony in order to get what he wants from her (shown in direct contrast to Parker) he’s ironically very honest despite being a villain - he’s showing he’s STILL loyal to Drusilla in ONLY loving her even after she’s dumped him... again!

We see Spike treat Buffy the EXACT same way he treated Drusilla during something blue reaffirming THIS IS HOW THIS MAN LOVES WHEN HE LOVES YOU. He’s extremely affectionate, helpful, protective, caring - D E V O T E D - and is truly just the most certified lover boy we’ve ever fucking seen

Season 5:

SURPRISE HE’S SECRETLY A LOVESICK MAMA’S BOY POET AT HEART UNDERNEATH THE BAD BOY PERSONA AND A PROTECTIVE BIG BROTHER AND NOW BUFFY AND HER FAMILY’S MOST LOYAL DEFENDER AND IS WILLING TO DIE NOT JUST FOR BUFFY BUT FOR ALL THE SUMMERS WOMEN AND HE KNOWS AND SEES BUFFY SO DEEPLY AND INTIMATELY AND CAN HOLD SPACE FOR HER PAIN LIKE NO ON ELSE CAN AND SHOWS THE DEVOTION THAT ONCE BELONGED TO DRUSILLA NOW BELONGS TO BUFFY AND IT IS GOING NOWHERE EVEN WHEN SHE DIES AND WE'VE SEEN IN HIM CRY BEFORE BUT NEVER HAVE WE SEEN HIM BREAK DOWN LIKE HE DOES AT THE SIGHT OF BUFFY'S BODY!!!!!!!!!!!

*all of us screaming, crying, throwing up, climbing the walls and generally just losing our minds*

Season 6:

No soul, his love is so great for Buffy as is his loyalty and devotion to her, he now helps all of his dead love’s friends fight evil and is raising her sister and dreams of saving her every night for 148 nights 🤚🏻😭 don’t even fucking talk to me I can’t take it

Forgive the absolute 180 in tone change here:

Dick game is FIRE - his touch is the only thing that makes Buffy feel alive AND SHE WAS IN HEAVEN BRO SHE KNOWS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE IN HEAVEN AND SPIKE IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING HER GOING like damn girl yes YOU FUCK THAT HOUSE DOWN!!! Also he is now just naked 50% of the time just to drive us all even FURTHER out of our minds and somehow has just gotten even hotter as the seasons have gone on like this is what’s been hiding under the leather jacket all this time! Enjoy!

And THE MOST unintended consequence of jw’s vindictive writing:

SPITE

He clearly didn’t want us to love Spike and tried to manipulate us into hating him in such a blatant and clumsy ooc attempt all that did was weed out the weakest amongst the Spuffy/Spike fans until all that remained were us:

The most devoted and stubborn fans who REFUSED to have the thing they loved ruined or taken away from us and were smart enough to see through his bullshit manipulation attempt in the first place.

Genuinely they created the equivalent of supersoilder strength level fans with this absolutely lethal combination of events 💀

AND THEN as if all that wasn't enough he goes and gets his soul on purpose for Buffy so he can be the man she deserves and she can love him without hating herself for loving him despite the immense pain it will cause him which is the most selfless thing we have ever seen anyone do for Buffy only to be topped when he sacrifices himself to destroy the hellmouth, save the world and free her from Sunnydale!!! Plus ya know once he gets the soul even though he did it for her he never tries to use that as leverage to get anything from her like he truly expects nothing from her at all but still wants to help her and James delivers the most devastating performances we've ever fucking seen, finally tells her friends off which has needed to happen for 5 seasons, the "you're the one speech" him being a dad to all the potentials with Buffy giving us supernatural parent core who made it through their rough patch with their first kid in season 6 with Dawn and now are just the beautiful team with their found family and Buffy finally has someone who can truly carry her burdens with her and just all the tenderness and devotion they both deserve after so many years of pain and fighting. Basically giving the audience the message that even if you have a metric ton of pain and trauma there are people out there who see you and understand you and there is a chance for you to heal both together and separately to build your own version of a more normal and stable life. It's a message of such hope and I personally know several people, including myself who watched what Spike and Buffy have and it inspired us to look at the relationships we were in and realize we deserved SO MUCH MORE than what we were getting and in my case it turned out I was being emotionally abused and manipulated that entire time!! Much like Buffy was by both Riley and Angel. So it isn't an exaggeration to say Spuffy saved my life in a lot of ways both in being there for me at such a dark time and helping me draw a map of how to get out. Not to mention loving them in fandom spaces has helped me connect with so many people just like me who share very similar experiences and have helped me feel so much less alone and has helped me heal in so many ways 🖤

Spuffies get "hOw cAn yOu liKe sPiKe aFtEr wHaT hE dId" all the fucking time and truly the better question is how can you NOT like Spike???? HAVE YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION AT ALL??? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT GOOD RELATIONSHIPS NEED TO WORK?? BECAUSE AT THEIR CORE SPUFFY HAS THEM ALL!

It's jw writing so NOTHING will escape his toxic bullshit but Spike - because he was hated by jw for so long - so much of the time when he tried to make Spike less popular he just kept making him better and more complex and more and more targeted to the female gaze which is exactly why he snapped and made the choices he literally forced everyone else to go along with despite their protests with that scene to make it the most traumatizing scene in all of Buffy history not just for the audience but for the actors as well because yes it is incredibly horrific and upsetting to watch (which is why I skip it on rewatches) but I still am able to see if for what it is which is a narcissist lashing out at people he hates because he hasn't been able to control them and too bad for him I refuse to be manipulated by his bullshit so it failed completely and made so many of us that much more stubbornly protective of Spike and his and Buffy's relationship not just from other fans but from the creator himself 🙃🖕🏻like he basically just trauma bonded us to Spike and Buffy which has led to the creation of one of the most devoted, loyal, intelligent fanbases who is absolutely unhinged (affectionate) with their love of this character and his relationship which is why we are all still creating and writing about this character 25 year later and show absolutely zero signs of slowing down or stopping 💀

[qqueenofhades]

Sorry I need to vent about Dr van helsing. I’m not even that far into today’s Dracula update, but Quincy saying he’s honest?! He hasn’t told anyone anything! I mean I guess he hasn’t been lying but that’s just because he’s not telling people things, and then he’s getting mad that they haven’t figured out what’s going on. He’s probably an awful teacher; he would def teach like middle school level kids as if they’re in a doctorate program. Imagine keeping that many secrets and being called honest.

Another thing about van helsing, is there a reason why he didn’t just remove her head and do whatever else de-vampiring things that needed to be done without an audience? Like him and Seward saw her in the coffin, then he gets all of her suitors together to go back the next day but her body’s gone; why not just do the procedure that first day, either with Seward’s help or go back later without him? It just seems cruel to casually ask her fiancé if he’ll help with beheading her corpse.

Aha, well, you sent me this yesterday, but I will answer it in light of today's update. As I have said about VH before, he is two things: one, the archetype of the Eccentric Genius With Bad People Skills, and two, almost an exact narrative parallel/foil to Dracula. Dracula is the menacing foreigner who comes from abroad to hurt Lucy; Van Helsing is the benevolent foreigner who comes from abroad to help her. Except as I've also discussed, his methods are so similar to Dracula's -- the secrecy, the unnecessary possessiveness over Lucy, the conviction that only he knows what to do, etc -- that he totally fails at it, comprehensively. All his eight million PhDs didn't teach him any social skills (can attest from personal experience, this is accurate to PhD students). So he's already playing a game of catch-up and often doubling down on his mistakes rather than fixing them, since he's still so stuck in the Only I Know What To Do. And he... doesn't.

So in the last two entries, we essentially see VH waaay overcompensating. It has struck him that it might be useful to have everyone given definite proof as to what they're dealing with, i.e. undead Lucy and the vampire who made her that way -- and in his mind, the only way to make them finally and fully believe is to have them see it for themselves. He's obviously not entirely wrong here, since Seward briefly backtracks in believing him even after seeing it, and it is overall a horrible situation. So VH wants to make VERY SURE that everyone knows he didn't actually kill Lucy or otherwise hide the truth from them (even if he did, uh, kind of hide the truth). So his method is just to go full bore, blunt-sledgehammer of truth, make them ALL see Vamp Lucy so they are all on the same page and have had that same experience, and basically get them into the belief stage as fast as possible. This is, again, after he held off on it before, but, well, needs must and all that.

It is obviously an absolutely horrible ordeal for Arthur to have to kill Vamp Lucy, but it does seem to give him some peace, and her as well obviously, so he's ultimately grateful that VH asked him to do it. There is an obvious narrative/sexual symbolism in Arthur, who was supposed to take the "blood" of Lucy's virginity, now taking the blood of her carnal/voluptuous (LEARN ANOTHER WORD, BRAM STOKER) over-sexual vamp self instead. He has already said that he feels married to her due to the blood transfusions, and this is a dark echo/mirror of the wedding night they will never get; Arthur is LITERALLY penetrating her with a phallic object, as he was supposed to do when she was alive. So they're consummated, in a way, and it gives Lucy her "virginal" peace and purity back, saving her from the dark sexual/physical ravages of Dracula by re-establishing her as a respectable married woman, even in death. So that's why I think Stoker did that.

As for VH, he then finally gets on board with the "everyone should know everything" train, and gives them all a long and delightfully pedantic lecture about the origins of vampires, who Dracula really is, etc etc. Except then he straightaway doubles down on yet ANOTHER of his long-running mistakes: he is the one who suggests that Mina should be excluded from the group "for her safety," when it wasn't until Mina taking this all into her own hands that they got anything done. Mina has been by far the most fearless and effective Dracula investigator thus far (along with Jonathan, #HarkerPowerCoupleFTW). This is despite the male characters' casual or benevolent misogyny toward her, especially Van Helsing's. He gushes over her and worships her as a goddess and keeps talking about how she's really like a man because she's so smart and doesn't have Hysterics!!! like those other ladies! But he still doesn't trust her, even now, to have the proper fortitude for the work, and I feel confident in saying without too many spoilers, that yeah, that is gonna backfire BIG TIME. In some ways, VH is the ideal Victorian patriarch, but as we have seen throughout the book, and as I have written about in previous posts, that model of behavior is repeatedly shown NOT WORKING. His effort to "protect" Mina might be well-meant, but it is patronizing, misogynistic, assumes (STILL!) that she can't do this work on the same level the guys can, and yet again, womp womp, VH is gonna be wrong. Stay tuned.

[where-fantasy-meets-reality]

“We’re Not Promised Tomorrow.” Chapter 4  “His Memories. Her Memories.”

Masterlist     Chapter 3 

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x Fem. OC

Word Count: 5.7 K

Warning: fluff overload and emotion. they are both fools in love and it was too much fun to write. 

A/N: Hi everyone! I apologize for the late posting of this chapter, work, and school were a bit more intense this week than I anticipated. So this chapter does a LOT of world-building about the physical environment of the Temple (I’m not a super expert on so I took a lot of creative liberties for the purpose of the story.)  There is also a lot of back story that gets told in this chapter. Good stuff coming from this chapter going forward. Let me know via the comments if you want to be added to the tag list and as always, thanks for your support! 🥰

- - - - - - - - - - - - 

While the food at the mess hall wasn’t the best cuisine he had ever eaten, Obi-Wan was always grateful for a hot meal.

On his way back up to his quarters, he had stopped by Anakin’s room, which was a few floors below his. Remembering that his ribs had been bothering him from earlier that day, he wondered how he was feeling now. Knowing the boy could be hard on himself, adventurous, and slightly reckless, he wanted to make sure that he was taking care of himself and doing what he needed in order to be able to recover properly.

He was concerned about him. He would never not feel responsible for Anakin. Socially, morally, and physically, he would always be like a brother to him, even if that was something that was difficult for Obi-Wan to admit.

Checking on him is what any good older brother would do.

When he arrived infront of his former Padawan’s door he knocked in the familiar pattern that would have told Anakin who it was before he even opened it.

Silence met him. “Hmph….odd….” Obi-Wan murmured internally.

He knocked on the door again but Anakin never answered.

Shrugging his shoulders, he decided to move on. “Ah no matter, he had said he wasn’t feeling well. He is probably sleeping….yes, that’s it…”  Or at least that is what he decided he was going to allow himself to believe.

Jedi apartments were spacious but modest. Filled with only the bare essentials and tiny touches for comfort. Yet, they also created a sense of uniformity as all Jedi apartments were furnished and designed in the exact same way, like hotel rooms.

As he walked through the doorway he was greeted by his own humble, orderly, and sadly empty apartment; not that he knew any different way of life.

“Ah, home sweet home.” He murmured as he stood in the middle of the entryway and hung his Jedi robe on the peg he kept by the door.

As he walked down the entryway hall into the main area, he sighed happily. The standard-issued white couch and two armchairs created a nice seating area. They were surrounded by the same standard issued off-white walls and tan stone flooring.

Off to the right of his seating area was a tiny kitchenette, similar to the ones on the military cruisers that he was used to. There was no need for any Jedi to cook, they had the mess hall that served them all of their meals, and little to no money to buy their own food. But they did have a sink, a small conservator to store snacks, and the occasional piece of fresh fruit that he took back with him from the mess hall.

He also was provided a tea kettle, and a small single burner nanowave cooker; in case he wanted to actually make tea or boil water for something else. He was notorious for stuffing his robe pockets with endless bags of different flavored teas from the mess hall so that he would always have plenty stashed away in his kitchen. He would even give Anakin a bunch to shove in his robes, much to Anakin’s amusement; he knew his former Master loved his tea.

The kitchen also included a few cabinets and draws. Like he had always observed, it was a small space that was sufficient for his level of culinary skills…..which were next to none.

With the war going on, Obi-Wan never bothered keeping anything in his kitchenette, he never knew where he would be and with his luck, anything perishable that he took with him from the mess hall would likely spoil by the time he returned to enjoy it. If one were to go through his kitchen, they would find empty cabinets and draws, with only kitchen draw holding utensils and storing his coveted tea packets.

While the apartment was modest, it was home and it truly felt that way for him. But out of everything the apartment had to offer,  Obi-Wan’s favorite part of it was the view.

All Jedi apartments in the temple were housed in the same section and they contained floor to ceiling windows that spanned the entire wall. So, essentially, it was an entire wall made of glass. It seemed to be a theme, he had noticed, that ran throughout the temple.

Gorgeous, large windows that allowed the beautiful light of the Corosuant sun to stream into the halls and rooms of the temple. His apartment was fortunate enough to be on the side of the temple that had an amazing view of the city. It was the same view that could be seen from the Jedi Council Chamber, although it was not as high up. Still, it offered an amazing bird's eye view.

A meditation pad was located in front of the windows. There was just enough room between the seating area and the meditation pad where it didn’t feel crowded, but Obi-Wan wouldn’t call it spacious either. To the left of the windows and meditation pad was his refresher. Again, it was modest. However, it also offered hot water and it was clean which was all that mattered to him.

Opposite the refresher, across the apartment to the right were his sleeping chambers. A simple large bed, with standard-issue gray sheets and pillows. A small dresser with a few draws and a mirror on top would allow him to store a few grooming essentials and what little clothes he owned.

It wasn’t much, but it was home. In fact, it was the only home he ever knew. He had been taken from his planet at the age of 3 and he didn’t remember his family or his childhood home. His memories of childhood were the youngling nursery, or the youngling dormitory. Eventually, when he became a Padawan he got his own apartment and he had been living in it ever since.

The comfort of his apartment made him feel even sleepier as stood in the middle of the main area, looking around. He and Anakin had been constantly on the move lately. Sleeping on ship bunks or hard ground had made him appreciate the standard-issue mattress that was waiting for him. Additionally,  worrying every night before sleep took him about what the next day would bring didn’t exactly allow him a restful night’s sleep. Sometimes he wondered if he would even live to see the next day. If someone or something wouldn't try to pick them off in the middle of the night. Here he felt relaxed, safe. The safety and sense of relaxation allowed him to subconsciously lower his guard. This week was going to spoil him, he could already see that.

Feeling sleepy but not quite ready for bed, he spent the remainder of the evening meditating. He loved the calmness it brought him. He felt stronger, more centered, and focused afterward.

Afterward, he then bathed and made his way to his room.

He changed his wrist bandage and other wound dressings that he had helped him patch up after Grievous's ambush. After putting on clean undergarments, he climbed into his big, comfortable, standard-issued bed.

Obi-Wan hated to think about how much he enjoyed this feeling of comfort. Jedi weren’t supposed to have worldly attachments; or any attachments really. But he would be outright lying if he said the feeling of sleeping in his warm bed, safely in the Jedi temple, was something he would never tire of.

As he nearly drifted off to sleep he was left with thoughts from the day that flashed in his mind causing his wheels to turn.

Somewhere in the galaxy that mechanical, hacking, menace known as General Grevious was out there. Getting ready to terrorize another planet for the Count. He had been extremely irritated that they lost today despite the calmness that he displayed in front of Anakin and the Council. They would succeed one day in getting him, he had felt it in his meditation, it's just when that day would come was the question that haunted him. The sooner they could put an end to his reign of terror, the sooner this blasted war would be over.

He sighed frustratedly as he stared at the ceiling in his darkroom, only the small blips of light that fluttered in through the blinds filled the room. It caused the design of the blinds to appear on the opposite wall and on Obi-Wan’s bed.

He tried to close his eyes. No sense in getting himself riled up now when he was trying to sleep. He centered himself and tried to let his mind relax and wander as he tried to lull himself back to sleep.

Just as Grievous was somewhere in the galaxy and took up part of his thoughts, someone else who also consumed his thoughts was much closer by.

Emily.

He had not been able to stop thinking about her since he saw her in the Arena. He didn’t want to stop thinking about her or to admit his excitement at potentially being able to run into her around the Temple.

She was still as beautiful as he remembered her to be and yet twice as fierce and passionate as he remembered. Had it really been that long?

The Force was so strong with her, she practically glowed with it. It was that very light and compassion, that kindness and lightheartedness that drew Obi-Wan to her. She was like a mental breath of fresh air; she was a mixture of his very own brand of comfort food and personal drug. Everything about her did something to him. Her voice, her smile, her laugh, her graceful moments, her wit and kindness, while her Forcesigniture was something he wanted to wrap himself in and never leave.

He sighed and allowed himself a crooked smile as she consumed his thoughts.

Her friend, Sorv, had also been on his mind. During his meditation that the force had spoken to him, told him to be wary and mindful of him. Or, that could just be the human part of himself talking, the part he was desperately trying to ignore. The part that sent the hair on the back of the kneck straight up with worry and frustration. There was just something about the other Jedi that he didn’t like.  

“Could it bet that you are jealous of his affections towards Emily?” The little voice inside his head asked him.

Closing his eyes and shaking off his emotions he concluded that it was preposterous, he wasn’t jealous. And if he was aware of the man’s feeling for Emily, it didn’t matter. All three were Jedi and they were bound by the code; plus he wasn’t the jealous type; so that was that.

“Sometimes I feel she is almost too pure to be real.” Obi-Wan mused out loud.

But he knew that wasn’t entirely true. There was a warrior in Emily. She had been made a Jedi Guardian over a Healer for that specific reason. She could be ruthless in the pursuit of a goal, whether it was seeking diplomatic negotiations or defending the weak, she was tough. Yet, she never let her ruthlessness consume her. She was dedicated to the peaceful teachings and values of the Jedi.

“Perfectly balanced. It comes so naturally to her.”  He thought to himself as rolled onto his side and looked at the speeders that were zooming by his window.

He knew who he would be dreaming about that night, another thing he hated to admit to himself. Sadly for him, it was not the first time and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

She was his one weakness. He could live by the Jedi code with no issues, except for his attachment to her. It caused him great grief. He knew she did not feel the same, nor would she ever. And he would never, ever put her in a compromising situation where she would have to choose between her beliefs and him. The potential of that thought sickened him, that he could think of even asking another committed Jedi to do so, let alone have these thoughts about her.

No, he would be alright. He always made do and put others before him, and this would certainly be no exception.

He would think of her from afar, as a guardian and a companion to her. He had come to the conclusion a long time ago that they would always be in each other’s lives in some way. The temple would be their home for life and the war wasn’t going to last forever. One day things would be normal again and they’d go back to being peacekeepers instead of soldiers.

Still, he knew that deep down he would do anything for her, be anything she needed him to be. She had chosen him to be a friend, and until she choose otherwise, a friend to her he would be.

There was a bond between the two of them but Obi-Wan knew it was stronger on his end. Yes, a friend was what he was to her and it would have to be good enough for him; it would have to be.

His eyes were becoming heavy as slowly blinked. He was starting to become too relaxed and tired to beat himself up over his emotions anymore that evening. As he drifted off to sleep he wondered what she was doing and how long it would take for him to run into her again.

- - - - - - - - - - - 

Emily towel-dried her hair in the refresher. It had been a long day for her. While she was fortunate enough to not have had to leave the planet or the temple for any off-world assignments that day, she still found herself tired as she stood in her bathroom.

She needed to be kinder to herself she thought as she continued to dry her hair. She did do a lot that day. Being critical and tough on herself was a bad habit that she had formed as a youngling and she had struggled with correcting it as an adult.

Earlier that day, she had awoken early to do a sunrise mediation session. After three hours of meditation, she met up with Xira and Sorv for breakfast in the mess hall.

While Sorv could be irritating at times, she always looked forward to Xira's company. She felt that she and the Rodian were kindred spirits as if they were created from the same force signature. Master Yoda really knew what he was doing when he assigned her to be Xira’s Master.  She and Xira had the type of relationship where sometimes they didn’t have to say anything to each other, they could tell just from a look and the feeling of their force bond just what the other was thinking.

Sorv’s behavior, on the other hand, was always given a pass by Emily. She knew deep down that he struggled with Jedi's philosophy and teachings, but he was a good man despite his struggles. He could be rough around the edges, especially with other people who weren’t her. He always said that he had felt that Emily was one of the few who had ever underwood him and she hadn't forgotten that. While she didn’t always agree with his philosophies, she tried to remember not to be to hard on him. He never did any real damage to others though, he could just be quick or gruff….and possibly hot-headed. Plus, Jedi teachings weren’t the easiest ideals to stick to, many of their ways defied natural human instinct. She knew that she struggled with it too at times, but not to the extent that he did. So in recognizing her own struggles, she remembered to give him a pass on his hard days.

As this thought came to her, she paused the towel drying of her hair. She examined herself in the mirror. Her brown eyes stared forcefully and truthfully back at her as if she could see right through herself, and she could.

She sighed irritatedly with herself as her mind continued its inner scolding that thinking of Sorv’s struggles with the ways of the Jedi and the mental memory chain and through the process it had put her on.

“No…...no Emily, don’t kid yourself, you never had a problem sticking to the Jedi Philosophy until you met Obi-Wan…..and he continues to be your one weakness.”

She stared back at herself in the mirror, knowing the truth of her words. Emily broke off her self-induced staredown and started towel drying her hair again. It was so thick and long it usually took a while for her to get it where she liked it. And then there was the maintenance of combing it.

Her mind trailed off while she worked the towel through her hair, her thoughts getting lost in the rhythm of her movement.

She had met Obi-Wan when she was just 8 years old, still very much a youngling. Obi-Wan was 11. He had been in the class ahead of her, but they were both at that awkward age where they weren’t small children but they weren’t ready to become full Palawans yet.

She smiled and laughed softly, still lost in her thoughts. The 11-year-old Obi-Wan was much different from the man she knew now. He was a rebel back then. Constantly getting into trouble. Considered to be unpredictable by the more experienced Jedi. He had a knack for showing off as well; especially with the girls. But no matter how much he showed off or how many other girls paid attention to him, he always only paid attention to her.

Chuckling, she remembered how she had found him slightly annoying when they first met as children; she didn’t appreciate his antics being the more serious student that she was. But she came around eventually, once she got to know him.

He would seek her out and sit next to her at lunch or in lessons. Once she was able to see past his antics, she found a very different person.

To her delight, he had a depth to his soul, he was very kind and intelligent, and he had a quick wit that always made her smile. He had a fondness for animals and all sorts of creatures and he was always so secure in the Force as if it all came easily to him. As he matured, his level of dedication to studying the Force and mastering the ways of the Jedi impressed her.

As they grew older and matured, so did their relationship. They would talk for hours and never get bored or tired of one another. They would fantasize about what they would do when they were older, what life as Jedi would be like. What types of missions they would go on if they would ever become Masters on the Council or be assigned Padawans. What type of mentors they would be.

“Funny….neither of us imagined becoming soldiers in a galactic civil war.”

Inevitably, once they became Padawans they drifted apart slightly, both of them pulled to different paths by the force. It didn’t help that he had become a Padawan before she had, forcing her to be stuck at the Temple while he was off with Master Qui-Gon.

Obi-Wan was a great swordsman, but still a slight rebel. She remembered the sparring match where Obi-Wan sparred with Qui-Gon Jinn. She and the other younglings were invited to watch the students who were ready to become Padawans work with the Jedi in a series of tests and trials. The Master Jedi, the renowned Qui-Gon Jinn was impressed by his abilities, both with a saber and the force. But Obi-Wan’s rebelliousness almost cost him his apprenticeship. While Qui-Gon was impressed, he was reluctant to take the boy on and Master Yoda had to convince him that it was the will of the force that he did so.

She remembered how proud of Obi-Wan that day, she felt that he had finally found his place within the Jedi Order. He promised her that he would still see her when he had free time at the temple, even if it was sparse.

He promised to tell her stories of his adventures and pass on everything he learned, not only to help her become a better Jedi in her own right but so that he wouldn't forget her, something he had sheepishly revealed to her one night due to her teasing. He never did forget her and he did keep his promise and would seek her out when he could.  

.The stories he would tell her would set her imagination on fire, amplifying her longing to become a Padawan, to help people, to see the world….. But still, he wasn’t around every day and it wasn’t the same.

Never telling him, she was sad when he was recruited by Qui-Gon. Proud but sad. Sad that she wouldn’t be seeing him every day….crushed was more accurate if she remembered correctly…..She never said anything as she would rather be swallowed up by a Snarlacc than spoil everything he had worked for and earned because of her emotions.

Thumbing the soft, fuzzy material between her fingers as she sifted through her thoughts, she realized something.  

“That’s when it started….that day I watched him fight Qui-Gon. Those feelings towards him had been developing since before then but I didn’t realize it until that day…..when I found out he was leaving. That’s when everything came bubbling to the surface.”

The revelation hit her like a Bantha.

From that day on, she knew she always liked him. The way he looked at her and how it made her feel never matched the way other people made her feel when they looked at her. How her stomach would tighten every time he approached her with that smile of his and those blue eyes that reminded her of the sky.

She always had to stifle her hysterical laughter at his quick wit and terrible jokes because she didn’t want him to think that she was some foolish little girl who giggled and laughed at everything. Having him and others maintain the opinion that she was fierce, dedicated, and capable Jedi was important to her. Jedi didn’t giggle.

When Obi-wan left, she would meet Sorv. Sorv was the opposite of Obi-Wan.

Whereas Obi-Wan got better with age, Sorv seemed to get worse. She remembered Sorv as a youngling; he was sweet and smart. Though she didn’t admit with herself, she had secretly tried to replace Obi-Wan with him. Although, she knew that was a foolish thing for herself to try and do.

In her heart, she knew that no one could ever replace Obi-Wan Kenobi. No, for her, there would only be him. But still, at the time, her best friend was gone and she felt lonely.

So, she tried to do what Jedi do best, follow her teachings and move on. She had buried all her emotions towards him and the situation and carried on as if everything was fine. She made other friends, like Sorv, and went on to complete her own Jedi path.

But then there were the times he would come back to the Temple.

She remembered the day of Qui-Gon’s funeral. Of course, she had attended.

By then she had become a Padawan to Master Plo Koon. Both Master Plo Koon and Kit Fisto had wanted her to be their Padawan but it was Plo’s concern for all life and living creatures, the gentle spirit that made her pick him to be her Master.

If she wasn’t going to be a healer then she wanted the next best thing and learning respect for all life fit that description for her. She still had the pleasure of working with Fisto from time to time, but she and Master Plo Koon had formed a close bond, setting the perfect example for when she took her own Padawan.

Her mind flashed back to Qui-Gon’s funeral.

She remembered standing next to her Master and watching it all happen like it was a bad dream.

The feeling in the air was so somber and heavy Emily felt as if she would drown in it. Knowing that she had to be strong for him was what helped her get through the experience. Before that, she hadn’t really experienced death on a deep level. She remembered the hollow look in Obi-Wan’s eyes that had haunted her ever since. His solemn face, his serious, flat expression that was void of emotion; what he was taught to exhibit as a Jedi.

She knew that she could confide in her Master if she had to, an idea that most Padawans were not always comfortable with. But, Master Plo was a gentle enough being that he understood that there was strength in softness; a skill he would help her master. In time she would learn how to effectively deal with her emotions.

But Obi….Obi-Wan had no one to lean on that day as he stood at his Master’s funeral. And then there was little Anakin. The small child looked so adorable standing next to Obi-Wan but he also looked so sad; even he who had barely known Qui-Gon understood the depth of the situation.

Emily had studied the way Anakin had looked at Obi-Wan that night, that part was the adorable part to her. Even then the child viewed him as an older brother despite also not knowing him long.

She remembered when the funeral was over. The sadness hung in the air like a wet cloud. The Jedi had truly lost a valuable member that evening. She watched as the funeral slowly cleared out.

Obi-Wan never moved as the Jedi left the funeral, never left where his Master was laid to rest. He just stared at the floor, as if he was trying to bring his Master back to life.

Eventually, Anakin would go off to join the other younglings in their dorms, other Jedi had left, and it was just he and Emily.

Emily had asked Master Plo to stay behind and she never regretted it. At first, she kept her distance from Obi-Wan and let him have his space. When it was just the two of them, it was as if he couldn’t make his way over to him fast enough. He walked over to her and took her hand.

Together they left Qui-Gon’s funeral after one last goodbye. Obi-Wan led her through the Temple to the rooftop gardens, it was late in the evening and the area was deserted.

The stars were barely visible due to all the lights and speeder traffic that the city was engulfed in.  They had found a bench under a large flowering tree that was nestled in the corner of the garden.

Once they were alone, Obi-Wan finally let down his guard with the one person he felt safe enough to do so with. Sitting under the tree, he held her close and cried. Emily held his shaking form as he buried his head into her shoulder. Looking back on that night, It was the only time that she could ever remember him showing any kind of weakness or emotion.

But, in the end, she never judged him for it. In fact, her heart broke for him. She had to fight back tears that were for him, his pain, and his sadness. Thinking about how he had to watch defenselessly while his master died had to be unbearable. She had thought of Master Plo and wondered how she would have handled it if it had been her in Obi-Wan’s place. She hadn’t been a Padawan for as long as Obi-Wan had but she was already close to her master.

He didn’t cry for long in that garden. He regained control of himself eventually and released his embrace on her.

Emily sighed fondly as she stood there, while that night was a sad night, it wasn’t all that bad. Like, his strong arms that held her, she remembered that well.

Even for a man in pain, his embrace was strong, warm, and gentle, like him. Secretly to her, he felt like what home should have felt like; what home did feel like. He never said a word to her in that garden, but he never let go of her completely either; they stayed holding hands as they sat in comfortable silence. They didn’t need words, the force worked between them.

She hated to leave him that night. She didn’t want him to be alone, after everything that he had been through she was worried about him even though her Jedi training told her not to act on those emotions. She still felt an overwhelming urge to protect and comfort him, to be there for him if he needed her.

At the end of the evening, he walked her back to her quarters and she hesitated to go inside.

He smiled softly at her. He understood her feelings. As he stood in front of her door, he took her hand that he had been holding all night, raised it to his lips, and pressed a feather-light kiss on her knuckles. Some days she swore she could still feel the searing warmth of his kiss on her skin, the feeling of his hand holding hers. She would unconsciously rub her fingers into her palm when she thought of it as if she could recreate that feeling. It wasn’t a lustful gesture. It was a gesture that was soft and warm, full of compassion, understanding, and friendship. Lowering her hand from his lips, he had pulled her into another embrace.

She recalled his words. “It’s okay.” he had whispered, his lips against her forehead.   “I’m okay. You have helped me immensely, you always do. Thank you for that, truly, thank you. But go and rest Em. Qui-Gon is one with the force and we will celebrate that.” He hugged her hard. She knew he was right, he would be okay. Everything would be okay.

Coming out of her memories, Emily walked back across her apartment stopping to take in her view in her floor-to-ceiling windows. Light pollution was inevitable to escape on the planet of Coruscant at night.

She could see lights coming from the buildings, but that's not what she loved about her view. She may not have had the bustling Courosaunt skyline or a view above the clouds like others had, but she wouldn’t trade her view for anything because it was sentimental to her.

Her view was of the Temple rooftop gardens. The same one that she had gone to that night with Obi-Wan. The bench was still there. The tree had grown twice, maybe even three times the size it had been that night. When she needed fresh air, a quiet place to think, or when life got too hard, she would seek out that same bench.

In her mind, it was their bench. She would pretend he was there, sitting next to her. No words needed were needed, like that night. Just his embrace or their joined hands.

Turning the light in the main room of the apartment off, she walked into her room and climbed into her bed.

She had to stop with these memories. It was no good to dwell on the past when nothing could come of it. They were both Jedi…... Jedi were fighting in a war that was pushing them to their absolute limits. She couldn't afford to get distracted by the galaxy in this state.

But Qui-Gon’s death had changed him she thought as she rested her head on the pillow. He grew up after that. Matured, became a “by the code” Jedi. Fully accepting his role as Anakin’s master and mentor.

“So much was forced onto his shoulders so quickly.” she thought as she studied the ceiling.

“Emily, you need to stop. He’s not in love with you. You're acting like a foolish girl. He is your oldest, childhood friend. He showed compassion and emotion during one of the hardest nights of his life and that's it. Anyone would do what he did with an old friend. He leaned on you as a friend. That is all.” she whispered.

He never showed that kind of emotion with her again, so it had to be that.

Then again, she never saw much of him after that either. He became occupied with Anakin and then the war had started.

It wasn’t like she was waiting around for him either. She had passed “The Trials” stunningly, ever the pride of her master. She was allowed to shadow healers and learn a few force healing techniques that allowed her to become a volunteer in the Halls of Healing when she didn’t have a mission. Then she was assigned Xira, who had only within the past year or so graduated by passing “The Trials” herself.

Earlier that evening, Xira had made good on her promise and stopped by her apartment to “get the scoop” as she put it. But Emily didn’t say much because there wasn’t much to say.

Like she had already told herself, Obi-Wan was her oldest and dearest friend, and that's where it would end and stay. At friendship.

If she lived in a world where they both weren’t Jedi, then maybe it would be different. Maybe. But he was so responsible, so “by the code”. He took his attitude, his thoughts, and his actions very seriously. She would never dream of even mentioning how she felt to him. She feared she would die of embarrassment. Then her childhood fears of him thinking she was a foolish girl and nothing more would come true. He would let her down easily of course, she knew that, he was too kind to do anything but that, but still everything would be ruined.

Yet….….. He was around for a whole week.....that thought brought a small smile to her face. She was excited to see him again, even couldn’t deny that with herself, she couldn't help it.

“Oh Obi-Wan,” she sighed, “you’ll be the undoing of me someday.” She smiled at that thought and drifted off to sleep.

@mrskenobi19​  @transcending-time​ @sillynilly27​  @janebby​  @kirstenvldfan21​ @thewhitedannimal​

[awildgingeishere]

https://equalizersoccer.com/2021/03/05/christen-press-forward-position-training-profile-uswnt/

Christen Press is known for scoring world-class goals. The onlooking public swoons over the final product which is so often a picturesque finish bent into the side netting or hammered into the upper corner. Press often does this with such confidence that she makes the extraordinary look easy, even though it is anything but.

That final product, though, is in some ways the simpler part of the process. Press’ training habits and approach to the game embody the notion that most of an athlete’s work is done away from the public eye, on training fields and when nobody else is watching. Her unique approach to the game starts with individual training, where her focus on off-ball movement and manipulating tight spaces — rather than shooting for the sake of it, or individual dribbling drills — develops her ability to distinguish herself from any other forward. More than most, she can seamlessly transition between wide and center-forward roles.

“I think especially in the U.S., we don’t have as many players that manipulate space with off-ball movement,” Press said in an interview last year. “[It’s] something I learned in Europe and I think all European forwards do this, but we don’t often have players who do that. We typically have had players who are using strength to create space. So, I think when I play in the nine specifically, but even wide, my strength is off-ball movement, being very unpredictable, hard to mark, being dynamic and being kind of like blindside, off-ball so that I’m always stretching the line. And I think that’s a huge strength because it gives the midfield more room to play.”

All goal-scorers require a certain level of selfishness to be successful, which Press recognizes. What sets her apart is the execution in those moments. To paraphrase her teammate, Megan Rapinoe, you can always make a selfish decision to shoot and not pass… as long as you score.

“In the final third, I think I’ve always had a goal-scorer’s mentality,” Press said. “Once I’m in range of shooting, I don’t think about anything else. If I happen to pass, it’s because I couldn’t have shot. And I think that there’s a breed of players that are just wired that way. And then there’s a breed of players that play the same position that aren’t. I am wired like that, and there’s also pros and cons to it, but my first thought is always setting my feet to score, setting my feet to take a touch and then score. And then anything else that happens in that space is just a second option, honestly.”

***

Press blazed her own path to being a United States women’s national team regular. She left the U.S. club scene in 2012 to play in Sweden, feeling as though she needed to make a change after largely being left out of the U.S. picture by then head coach Pia Sundhage. Her back story has been recounted ad nauseam over the past decade, but it is still essential to understanding the person and the player – a do-everything forward who has been shaped by these experiences. Her path is unique among her peers of the same generation, and it shows in her different approach to playing forward.

Press famously thrived in Gothenburg, becoming the first American to win the Damallsvenskan’s golden boot. That move abroad — at a time when U.S. internationals not only were not playing abroad, but were actively discouraged from doing so — ironically solidified her place in the United States team ever since. Her goal in last month’s SheBelieves Cup against Argentina was her 60th, tying her with Shannon MacMillan for ninth in U.S. history.

Press grew up as a pure No. 9, a goal-scorer. She carried on with that through college, lighting up the scoring record books at Stanford, and used that to her advantage during that glorious first stretch of her career in Sweden. Cracking the national team was a different story. Abby Wambach was the incumbent No. 9 at the time, often alongside Amy Rodriguez, and Alex Morgan — who graduated college the same year as Press — burst onto the scene as the U.S.’ up-and-coming No. 9, meaning Press was often relegated to wide positions.

For a long time, Press’ place there felt shoehorned, no doubt a contributing factor to a relatively quiet World Cup in 2015, when she was pegged by so many to be the breakout star. Slowly, however, she adapted, choosing to accept whichever role she was given if it meant playing for the best team in the world. Now, she thrives in both wide and central roles. The difference was tangible at the 2019 World Cup, where the wide role which once looked so uncomfortable for Press was the one which she stepped into for the semifinal against England, due to Megan Rapinoe’s injury. Press scored 10 minutes into that impromptu start, helping the U.S. reach (and win) a second straight final.

“I think that I have more of a responsibility than any other forward to play in all the roles as needed and I think that’s historically been because I’ve been a substitute coming on,” she said. “So, you kind of have to be ready for whoever’s coming out; you’re the first sub on. And now, I think it’s just flexibility because I’ve done it and I’ve done it okay in several positions that everyone’s like, ‘oh, well she can.’ So, I think that’s a blessing and a curse. It gets you on a roster to be versatile, but I feel like having a stake on the field is like you’re in one position and you’re always going to show up in that position. I think that that has its pros as well.”

Today, it is accepted as fact that Press can play across all three positions on the front line: center forward, wide left and wide right. For years, that versatility was a burden she carried, a struggle through the purgatory of being an elite player without a defined position. Now, however, she has leveraged this to her advantage. Press has for so long juggled different forward positions that she has mastered each of them. Her lack of a defined position contributes to the outside world’s inability to explicitly qualify her greatness, but it is also the very thing which makes Press such a singular talent.

Her shift throughout the front line illustrates how the forward position varies between certain roles, even if in nuanced ways. Press said the definitions are a little more blurred in this system, and that each forward shares the responsibility to get in behind and score, but the physical difference in where each position lines up on the field affects how she plays each position.

“I think technically it is very different playing in the different positions, because your orientation is just completely changed,” she said. “And I think my whole career, I played with the offside line behind me. That’s a nine. So, playing wide for the first time was really hard because you see the whole game through one eye. And your dominant foot and your mobility of your hips — I know it sounds crazy — really affects what you can and can’t do on each side. But now I’ve been passed around so many times, I feel like I’m like, okay, my second eye is — I can still see out of this one.”

***

Press views each offseason as a little book of its own. In past years, she would write a draft of what those figurative chapters would be, listing the things she wanted to improve in her game and designing drills to achieve those goals. Press said that she has had trainers in the past, but nobody knows what she needs better than her.

She tries to balance the design of her training sessions to work on skills she thinks she is exceptional at and areas where she thinks she is not very good. Anything in between gets lost. This is where those subtle foundations are formed daily.

“I have a very regimented way that I train, a flow of when I control practice, this is how it flows,” Press said. “Within each segment of my training, I’ll have specific things that I’m working on, and always starting in the beginning of training with the most simple drills that you would never actually see a professional do —really, really childish and then just working on the mechanics and growing from there.”

Press points to quick-release shooting as one of these simple things she trains: she starts as basic as lining up a bag of balls on the six-yard line and quickly shooting with only one step, to work on generating power. Press executes this better than any other teammate and that is because she has, through the years, taken what is seemingly a disadvantage and figured out a way to create an advantage out of it.

Instead of viewing the ball as stuck under her feet, Press sees an opportunity to catch a defender between steps or a goalkeeper flat-footed. Whereas many forwards are especially dangerous when barreling down the field at speed, Press might be the best goal-scorer in the world from a standing-still position in open play. She trains that — again, by beginning simply. Press will line up a bag of balls on the six-yard line and shoot in quick succession, taking only one step back to reset. This is the foundation of generating power.

“I think that if I look through the years [at] the space I train in, it’s in that exact ‘D,’” she said, referencing the arch at the top of the 18-yard box. “And I think the way that you most often score there is using your defenders as a shield and a little bit into negative space, and then bending the ball. I think that’s absolutely my best way of scoring.

“And I think that’s because of my strengths. I can get into the pocket with speed often. I don’t actually like dribbling around defenders very much. I don’t practice dribbling so I’ve got one way to get by them, but I often work on manipulating my defenders so they can’t block my shot, rather than working on manipulating them so I can get by them. And I think that’s why then I developed a shot that I can take basically with the ball under my feet and generate a lot of power, because it’s unexpected for the goalkeeper and it’s out of reach for the defender.”

Training this type of skill is very intentional. Even on a field by herself, with no active defenders, Press knows that if she takes four steps before a shot, she has failed. In a game, with real defenders, she will have been tackled or her shooting window will have closed.

Soccer is about a feeling, Press says. U.S. Soccer sends film to players after each training session so they can self-evaluate. Press says she does not look at how she performed technically, but rather what her body language said about her approach to a given training session.

She has not gone without dry spells or rough patches, from the more subtle grind of transitioning to wide roles and changing teams, to the more obvious and overt moments, such as the penalty-kick shootout miss in the 2016 Olympic quarterfinal against Sweden.

There is a notion that forwards need short memories, to not dwell on such misses. Press said she views things slightly differently, borrowing some inspiration from fellow teammates.

“I think instead of even a short memory, I always told myself since I was a young person: the more I miss, the closer I am to my next goal,” she said. “Because it’s almost like once you play long enough, you’ve missed so many times that it’s no longer emotional. I guess a certain miss in a certain moment might be, but even those, I’ve done it; I’ve missed as bad as you can miss and I’ve let the team [down]. So, life goes on and I feel like if I’m in a game and I’ve missed an easy goal, that means the next one, I’m gonna score. Because I’ve missed a million easy goals before, and I’ve always scored again. So, that’s kind of how I approach it and I actually think I see this a bit in Carli [Lloyd]. If she ever misses an easy chance, she kind of becomes ravenous. She hunts and hunts because she wants to replace that memory with something else, and I try to even embody that a bit, where I’m even more hungry in the final part of that field.”

Lloyd and Press combined for a goal against England at the 2020 SheBelieves Cup. The play was a microcosm of all these things: Press intentionally drifting into open space on the opponent’s back line before receiving the ball, opening her hips to face up to goal in one fluid motion, and firing a quick shot which caught England’s defenders and goalkeeper by surprise. The camera angle from behind Press showed just how much the ball bent to tuck into the side netting. ESPN announcer Sebastian Salazar screamed a phrase which quickly made its way to a t-shirt: “Christen Press, what have you done?!”

It was another spectacular goal from Press, one worthy of all the plaudits it received. What had she done? Well, it was the same she has been doing for a long time, drifting between forward positions and scoring a noteworthy goal from skills she has developed away from the public eye."

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: Alabasta (Part Two)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

crocodile is one of my favorite villains in one piece for a number of reasons, and one of them is because he’s such a threat, the first real one faced in the grand line and one of the toughest in all of paradise. the villains from the arcs before this, like wapol or the agents from little garden, could barely even land a hit on luffy in actual combat. so crocodile is introduced here as an absolute force of nature, a complete contrast to recent villains and a very tangible threat. 

it’s an impression he very much lives up to later in the arc by crushing luffy not once but twice, which only makes luffy’s ultimate hard-won triumph feel all the better. luffy closes a huge gap over the course of alabasta in order to be able to beat crocodile, and giving us a sense of just how strong he is from the very start gives luffy clawing his way up to that level a lot more weight. 

the successive reveals of luffy’s family never fail to absolutely delight me, because in any other series they would almost certainly feel contrived, but knowing luffy, it is absolutely unsurprising he just never happened to mention his relatives. nobody asked! luffy’s unique brand of honesty is one of my favorite character quirks, because he’s very straightforward and in fact can’t lie for shit, but his priorities are so completely off the wall that he winds up omitting highly relevant information completely by accident. 

ace’s scene in alabasta really does impress me. oda’s said in an sbs that he knew ace’s fate from his introduction, which i find absolutely unsurprising given the intricacy of his story planning. that means he needed ace’s introduction to make him both likable and memorable enough in the space of just a couple chapters that the audience would be engaged when he became the focus of the story a couple hundred chapters on despite barely appearing at all in the intervening time, and he really succeeded. 

kohza is one of my favorite minor characters in the whole series, and i think he’s a big part of why alabasta’s civil war plotline works so well and feels so real. nobody on either side of the war actually wants to fight, but everyone has been driven to such desperation that they feel they have no other choice in order to save their country; and kohza exemplifies that. he's a good person who loves his country a lot, and who genuinely likes and cares about the royal family and vivi especially, and the only option he can see to save alabasta is terrible, but there’s nothing else he can do. 

it’s just fun for me to think about the fact that if crocodile was literally anything other than a very skilled logia, vivi would have ended the whole entire arc right here. 

i really like civil war storylines when they’re well-done, and i think alabasta is one of the best ones i’ve seen in media. most of it is down to what i mentioned earlier, about how nobody on either side actually wants to fight but feels like they have no choice but to. nobody here is actually in the wrong except for crocodile, and so until crocodile is defeated, nothing can be fixed- which is what luffy, of all people, is the one to realize. 

sanji’s mr. prince gambit is probably my single favorite part of alabasta, and i think one of the reasons i like it so much is because he basically beats crocodile at his own game. crocodile is terrifying in battle, but before anything else he’s a manipulator. he’s always working from the shadows, always deceiving people doing what he wants, and sanji manages to turn the tables on him and do the exact same back to him, twice. 

also sanji looks great in glasses

smoker and tashigi both get kind of unfortunately sidelined after this saga, but they’re both really great characters in alabasta. (tashigi especially; i’ll get to her later.) much like the rebel army, they’re good people trying to do the right thing in the tangled mess of tension and politics and resentment that is alabasta- and when that means working with pirates, they’ll buckle down and do it, despite how much it might contradict their worldviews. 

i love when events align in one piece so that people who don’t particularly like the strawhats wind up working with them for some common goal (as seen most prominently in impel down), and smoker and tashigi in alabasta are the first and still one of the best examples of that. 

the entirety of luffy versus crocodile round one is so well done. we’re a hundred and fifty chapters in, and although luffy has struggled in fights before now and then, we get the sense he hasn’t ever really been pushed to the brink, and he’s certainly never lost.

and then he does, completely and absolutely, without ever even landing a hit on his opponent, and it hits like a punch. 

oda seems to be a fan of characters just barely missing each other- the similar panel of robin and olvia running past each other from robin’s flashback comes to mind.

i’ve always liked that of all the strawhats, it’s usopp who gets the first “luffy is going to be king of the pirates” moment. they’ve all said it by the current chapters in wano (with the sole exception of robin, i believe), but usopp said it first, and that feels significant to me. he’s always been the one who feels the least secure in his place on the crew, but even so, he has so much faith in luffy. 

nami’s fight with miss doublefinger is pretty silly in places and i think it gets frequently (understandably, it must be said) overshadowed by zoro’s fight with mr. 1 directly afterwards, but i really like it nonetheless. it’s nami’s first real solo fight in the whole series, and once she finds her feet she kicks ass, and i really like that. it feels like a very satisfying development for her, to stand up and risk her life in direct combat for vivi’s sake. 

we’re now almost a thousand chapters in and its my firm belief that zoro versus mr. 1 is still one of the best fights in the entire series. i definitely think it’s probably zoro’s best fight- only his match with kaku compares. the narrative build over the course of the fight, from zoro struggling just to match mr. 1 (and getting shredded to pieces in the process) to cutting him down in one final stroke, is incredibly cool and satisfying to watch. it feels like a very tangible step forward for zoro in terms of ability, like a massive obstacle has been surmounted and, as he himself says, he’s now stronger for it. 

its also very cool that this is, i believe, the first appearance of what is probably observation haki, though it isn’t named or recognized as such. i’m always endlessly impressed by all the little moments of internal consistency that oda manages to sprinkle into his story. 

there’s barely any dialogue on these entire two pages, from crocodile dropping vivi to luffy and pell swooping in- the story is briefly told entirely through visuals- and i love that. it gives the impression of a single tense, frozen moment as vivi falls, which is then broken in spectacular fashion when luffy catches her. 

i really, really like the progression that runs through all three of luffy’s fights with crocodile. the gap between them goes from being impossible, with luffy unable to even land a hit and crocodile basically toying with him; to surmountable but still huge, with luffy able to land some hits but still outclassed; to finally putting them on basically even ground. and every inch of that growth on luffy’s part is hard-fought and hard-won and well-deserved. 

crocodile’s confidence in his abilities isn’t misplaced- he genuinely is that powerful. but if there’s anything we know about luffy by now, it’s that he doesn’t ever give up. it’s very fun to watch crocodile’s dismissiveness turn into disbelief turn into rage and frustration when luffy just won’t die. 

luffy is, additionally, pretty clearly a better brawler than crocodile (which makes sense, crocodile is clearly used to devastating long-range attacks with his powers while luffy grew up fighting giant wildlife with his bare hands), which means that by the time of their last fight, where they’re just whaling on each other in the catacombs and crocodile is starting to get sloppy and desperate and lose control, if anything it’s luffy who has the upper hand. 

zoro and sanji’s dynamic is always a favorite of mine, and one of the things i like best about them is how perfectly in sync they always manage to be when it comes to things that actually matter, despite fighting like cats and dogs pretty much every other time. i’ll never understand people who think they genuinely aren’t friends. 

tashigi is really good in alabasta, okay. she essentially has her own entire character growth arc. she goes from her stance in loguetown, where she isn’t even tolerant of (fully legal!) bounty hunters, to here, where she’s forced to confront that the world isn’t nearly as black and white as she’s always believed it to be, that sometimes pirates are good and allies of the government are bad, and ultimately makes the right choice to help the strawhats even though it clearly pains and frustrates her that she can’t do anything more herself. 

i’ll be forever mad that her only really significant appearance after this in punk hazard didn’t really live up to what her character deserved. 

i really like how the countdown sequence is done. the tension is ratcheting up and up and up as the clock ticks down in the final seconds, panels cutting all over the city to show all the different characters, everyone who’s caught up in this conflict and everyone who’ll die if the cannon fires-

and then the clock hits zero, and we get this panel that’s just... quiet, after all the madness, as we see how vivi stopped the detonation. i think oda is very good at setting up his pages so they have a flow to them, so no matter how quickly you actually read sometimes things feel like they’re going very fast and all happening at once and then it slows down and gives the reader a chance to breathe, if only to speed up again later. i think oda is really good at pacing in general, really, both on a micro level like this and on a larger scale. 

luffy’s greatest strength isn’t really his strength. he’s strong, absolutely, but that’s not really why he wins the fights he shouldn’t win. he wins because he just doesn’t fucking stay down. his fight with katakuri is probably the best example of this, because katakuri has him beat in pretty much every category except sheer endurance, and there as here, it’s that endurance that winds up getting luffy the win in the end. 

i do love that it’s the rain that ends the war. not the explosion and pell’s sacrifice, not vivi’s pleading, not even luffy kicking crocodile into the stratosphere, but the rain, the thing alabasta’s been missing for too long, the thing crocodile stole, the only thing all these people are fighting over. 

it’s crocodile’s symbolic defeat- at the same moment his power is broken by luffy, the stranglehold of dehydration he’s been using to foment war and rebellion is all at once gone, and he’s left with nothing at all, and alabasta can finally find peace and start to heal again. 

i always love the little moments that show, usually without words, just how much the strawhats love each other, and all of them unanimously waiting until vivi is out of sight to collapse so that she won’t worry, won’t see how ragged they ran themselves for their sake, is definitely one of them. 

i adore vivi’s sendoff, because while its sad she has to go, the certainty that someday they’ll meet again and that even if not they’ll always be crew manages to make this scene endlessly hopeful instead (which, i think, is also a good summary of one piece’s tone as a whole, at least in its more serious moments). luffy never says goodbye, after all, and nobody ever really leaves the strawhat pirates. 

i’m really looking forward to vivi’s re-entry to the story. i really, really want to see her reunion with the strawhats. 

hey look, it’s the panel my profile picture is from! 

the mystery surrounding robin and her past is built up in little ways long before enies lobby, from her harsh reaction when confronted with by tashigi to her aversion to being called by her given name to this flashback, of her talking to cobra about her dream. of them, the latter is my favorite, because i think it’s probably the most sincere she is until enies lobby- which makes sense, given she thinks she’s about to die. 

like many things about robin in alabasta, this gets cast in a new light by her backstory. if she dies here, so too does the entire legacy of ohara- but she’s so beaten down and hopeless that she really doesn’t see any light ahead to strive for. there’s no hope left, for her, and the whole world against her. 

and then there’s luffy, who creates hope everywhere he goes, who makes her live anyways. 

this is a hell of a spread to hook us very effectively right into the sky island saga. it’s a perfect reminder of just how much we still don’t know about all the endless mysteries of the grand line, and just how many adventures are still yet to be had.

[armandyke]

The link between diet and autism: a critical analysis of the recent Earth Locker episode and a chance for River to relive her lab report title writing days

Link to the original video

So as I already mentioned I’ve seen a few people talking about the recent episode of the Earth Locker (a podcast by Robert Sheehan, Tom Hopper, and Bryon Knight) where they talk with Tom and his wife Laura about their experiences raising their autistic son. I watched the whole episode and while there were a lot of good points made, there was also some misinformation, statements that were poorly explained and could be misinterpreted, and a couple of pretty harmful ideas put across which I’m gonna go into below. 

Disclaimer one: I’m gonna be saying a lot of stuff that I’m not going to be posting sources for. This is because everything I’m saying comes from my experiences as an autistic person, my experiences working as a support worker for adults with autism where I am currently a key worker for two autistic individuals, my work related training on autism, mental health, and diet & nutrition, and my knowledge from my psychology degree in which I also spent a lot of time studying biology and physiology. This is all just stuff that I know, and at some point I might try to add some sources but I’m writing this fresh off watching and making notes on this video so my energy is already running a little low and I’d rather focus on getting my points across instead of having to take time to source every piece of information. 

Disclaimer two: The purpose of this post isn’t to attack or defend any of the people involved in the podcast. This is also in no way a criticism of Tom and Laura’s parenting. This is purely a criticism of the discussion that took place on the podcast, not on any of the choices they’ve made for their son.

Disclaimer three: I’m going to be using the phrase “challenging behaviour” a lot while I’m explaining things as this is the term used in most modern research and is what we use at work. This basically describes any behaviour that causes harm to the individual or to other people around them, or behaviour that is detrimental to the individual’s wellbeing. 

So the main thing I want to go into with this is the misinformation and misinterpretation of information that was central to the discussion in this podcast, and that was around the connection between diet and autism. Most of the things Tom and Laura said about the effects of diet weren’t incorrect, but it wasn’t explained accurately and missed out on some key points so let’s go: 

In terms of whether diet can “cause” autism: no it can’t. There’s absolutely no evidence to suggest it does. It also can’t “worsen” autism because autism isn’t something that can get “worse” or “better”. A person with autism can develop and learn new skills and they can also regress (and diet can influence this, which I’ll go into further on), but an autistic person at a lower stage of development does not have “worse” autism than a person at a higher stage of development. 

Poor diet can have an impact on autistic people in the same way as with neurotypical people. If we eat junk, we tend to feel like junk as a result, and when we feel like junk it can be harder to concentrate and carry out our usual day to day tasks. However, autistic people are also significantly more likely to suffer from digestive problems and food intolerances, and so for a lot of autistic people (or parents of autistic children) diet may be something that requires close attention. So saying that an autistic individual’s challenging behaviour could be a result of their diet isn’t necessarily untrue, but it does massively oversimplify the issue. The challenging behaviour is more likely a response to pain or discomfort, (as well as frustration if they are unable to communicate this), which is caused by a diet unsuitable for this specific individual, which is caused by an intolerance or digestive problem, which they were at greater risk of developing due to their autism. It’s worth mentioning that medical professionals still don’t know why this comorbidity exists. 

So, referring back to Tom and Laura’s experience with their son, they were explaining that their son’s challenging behaviour spiked while he was on a high-sugar diet. Laura also added that he had been suffering from increasingly frequent infections in his ears and throat while eating these foods, which makes sense because high blood sugar levels can weaken the immune system and make us more susceptible to infections. They then explained that these infections stopped following a tonsillectomy and a change to a sugar-free diet, which then also lead to a complete reduction in their son’s challenging behaviours. Again, implying that the reduction in behaviours is a result of cutting out the sugar is oversimplifying. It’s most likely that their son’s challenging behaviours were a response to the pain the infections were causing, which may or may not have been linked to his sugar intake. Either way, autistic people are all individuals and so while a reduction in sugar intake has benefited their son, by no means does that mean that all autistic people should be following a low-sugar diet or that this would be beneficial for them. 

This isn’t entirely on topic but there are two other things I want to address in terms of what Tom and Laura said while talking about their son, the first being when talking about their initial approach to their children's’ diet before they were aware that their son was autistic. Laura essentially said that she wanted their children to be able to try different foods and that the focus would be on education about health and diet rather than cutting “unhealthy” foods out of their diets completely, which I thought was a great way to approach things. However she then added that, had they known about their son’s autism at the time, they may have approached things differently, which I was confused about. I think (and hope) she was just trying to say that if they had known upfront that sugar particularly seemed to be detrimental to their son, they would have reduced that straight away rather than having to use a process of trial and error which makes sense, but just the way it was phrased set off alarm bells because it sounded like she was implying that they would have controlled his diet more strictly if they had known he was autistic. Hopefully this isn’t the case because autistic people don’t need to have their choices limited if there is no detriment to their health or wellbeing. 

Another thing I was confused about, and I’m not sure if this was supposed to be more of a weird analogy rather than factual information, was when Tom started talking about “sensory glands” when talking about their son’s hypersensitivity to sounds. I think his exact words were something along the line of saying that the high sugar levels were causing his “sensory glands” to “swell” which was heightening his sensitivity. And like... unless I missed something there is no such thing as a sensory gland and they certainly don’t swell up when we’re over stimulated or when we have a lot of sugar. Sugar triggers high dopamine responses in our brains which then leads to cravings and can cause spikes and crashes in mood, and it can also cause inflammation, all of which can cause discomfort and in turn could lead to an increase in sensitivity, but as far as I know sugar doesn’t have a direct effect on our senses. 

Now on to the elephant in the room and the two big, glaring no-no's in this podcast, both of which were said by Tom (these are not direct quotes because I didn’t get a chance to jot them down in time so I’m paraphrasing slightly):

“we cannot ignore the correlation between rising autism rates and the increase in fast food consumption” (spoiler alert: yes we can)

“I really want to get to the cause of autism and see if there’s something that can be done to prevent it”

So, first of all, autism isn’t something that needs to be prevented. Autistic people are not a detriment to society. We don’t have an illness, we just experience the world differently and, in some cases, require additional support to live our lives as fully as possible. Obviously it can’t be ruled out that fast food, or anything else, has a part to play in rising rates, but there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that it does and correlation absolutely does not equal causation. Gay representation in the media has also been steadily rising with rates of autism diagnosis. Does this mean that seeing gay people on TV makes people autistic? No. As Laura briefly mentioned, it is far more likely that the rising rates are actually due to an increase in understanding about autism and the accessibility of diagnosis, especially when you consider how many people are still slipping under the radar even with all the knowledge we have today.

I appreciate that most of this podcast is just a conversation between friends about various topics, but when the goal of this podcast is to “raise awareness”, and with the shared platform the people involved have, casual statements like these are incredibly dangerous. With the general implication that if everyone lived a healthy, clean, and organic lifestyle, we could reduce the number of autistic people in our society, this not only puts the “blame” on parents of autistic people, and on the individuals themselves, but is also dipping into eugenics territory. And while I don’t think the intentions behind either statement were malicious, they were incredibly ignorant, and the fact that they went completely unchallenged was concerning and made me pretty uncomfortable. 

There were still a lot of positives in the podcast. I’m really glad Laura was also involved because she definitely came across as being the most educated on the subject of the four of them and did make a point of bringing up issues with diagnosis (particularly among girls with autism), her and Tom’s privilege in terms of being able to work with doctor’s to find out as much as possible about their son’s dietary needs and to then provide him with a tailored diet, and also addressing the issues with “high functioning vs low functioning” when Rob asked about the “severity” of their son’s autism. However there was still an undeniable amount of inaccurate or poorly presented information, as well as some things that were just plain incorrect and offensive. I appreciate that a lot of this was coming from personal experience rather than being generalised information, but I think this could have been communicated a lot more clearly and effectively considering the intention was to spread awareness, and the episode would have massively benefitted from the input of an autistic adult. Rob specifically had a lot of questions about autism in general and I think they would have been much better answered by somebody with autism, rather than a parent giving an outside perspective of their child’s experiences. It’s always a little uncomfortable to watch four neurotypical people discuss autism, regardless of how positive their intentions are, and I don’t think it would have been a great challenge for them to find an autistic person who would have been willing to talk about the topic with them. 

[worldcrawlerhp]

Draco is confused by Hermione’s words and gets a little help from Blaise

--- a short drabble from something a little longer I am writing. Takes place in the classic return to Hogwarts 8th year ----

Blaise sighed.

“What is it Draco?”

“What is what?”

“Oh please you’ve been glum since the night of the common room party - something is clearly on you mind.”

Draco shifted uncomfortably for a few seconds before rubbing his forehead.

“Its Granger,” he said finally.

Blaise nodded and waited for him to continue. Draco seemed to be debating something his his mind, but eventually he must have decided to take Blaise into his confidences.

“The other night I helped Granger out with the whole Mc-slaggen situation,” he started, unconsciously clenching one of his fists at having to mention the incident. “Afterwards Granger says something along the lines of ‘I owe you one Malfoy’-”

“Good imitation.”

“Thanks. Of course it was a ridiculous thing to say, so I said ‘we are far from even, don’t you think?’… and she gets angry!”

“She got angry? What did she say?”

Draco shrugged and his brow furrowed slightly. “She said… wait I wrote it down so I could remember…” he shuffled and brought out a piece of parchment that had obviously been folded and refolded various times.

“You wrote it down?”

“It didn’t make any sense Blaise! I needed to figure it out.”

“Granger said something you didn’t understand so you wrote it down. On parchment. And have been trying to decipher it…”

“Me writing it down is not the point! Look will you focus?” Blaise rolled his eyes but nodded, indicating Draco could continue. “Right here it is: ‘The only thing you owe me Malfoy is a fucking apology for anything that happened before this year. Everything else has to come from the bottom of that black little heart of yours.’”

He looked up at Blaise expectantly but was only greeted with an elegantly raised eyebrow.

“I’m not seeing what the problem is mate.”

“The problem is that it makes no bloody sense! Alright, I know I need to make everything up to her so why is she angry when I do something nice?” He threw his hands in the air and slumped back in his seat.

Blaise started to laugh, drawing a narrow eyed look from his friend.

“Mate. She has given you the easy way out of this! Typical Gryffindor move. And she’s told you how to do it.”

At the confused expression on Draco’s face Blaise sat forward on his chair.

“My mother left two… no… three different husbands because they were unable to apologise to her. So you could say I am an expert here. Art thou ready for me to impart knowledge and clarity to you?”

Draco rolled his eyes.

“Just bloody get on with it Zabini!”

Blaise chuckled. “Alright, lets start with some questions. You were a bit of a shit to Granger yeah?”

“Yeah…”

“And you did some stuff that is pretty bad to her right?”

“Which part,” replied Draco bitterly, “when I wished death to her and everybody like her? Or when I attempted to kill the only wizard likely to defeat the Dark Lord in a duel? Or how about when I watched her get tortured on the drawing room floor by my Aunt and did nothing to help?”

“Tortured? Lestrange?”

“It was… I’d rather not talk about it.”

“No offence but why the fuck did Granger even testify for you at your trial?”

“Merlin knows.”

“Right. Well. That was a little more than what I had thought, but it will serve to prove my point. So some pretty awful things happened, and you admit you are wrong and we’re all obviously in her debt for getting us all out of the war. Do you think that helping her out a couple of times this year would put you two back on even footing?”

“No, obviously not! That’s why I said we weren’t even!” cried Draco indignantly.

“But you implied that you could be even. That if you kept being nice to her some day you could level out. And you’ve just admitted to me right now that you couldn’t be.”

Draco was silent for a moment. “So there’s no way I can make it up to her, is that what you’re saying? Because I’m not going to stop trying even if that is the case!”

Blaise sighed.

“No Draco, listen. You cannot make it up to her, right, you just can’t. Implying that you could is insulting because, fuck, in what situation could that ever be the case? So you see why she got pissed off at you?”

“Ugh. Fine. I guess I get why she was mad. But the rest of what she said made no sense either!”

“She actually… she’s such a Gryffindor its painful… she actually gave you an easy way out of it. She said you owe her an apology for all your issues before 8th year. That’s what she wants - you to tell her you are sorry, you were wrong, you will be different from now on blah blah blah. And she wants you to mean it.”

“What? That’s it? Just say sorry?”

“I’d put a little effort into it if I were you. Apologise properly. Tell her exactly what you are sorry for and why, yeah?”

Draco nodded. “Alright, so I don’t assume I can make it up to her, apologise properly… so what did she mean by ‘Everything else has to come from the bottom of that black little heart of yours.’?”

“You were being nice to her right?”

“Well I thought so!”

“She’s jut questioning why you were being nice to her. See if you thought you needed to ‘get even’ with her and were only being nice to her because of that, then we’re back to where we started - you’re insulting her by believing you can be forgiven through racking up enough nice things you do. That doesn’t mean you’re being nice to her, only that you’re being nice because of the situation.”

Draco groaned.

“Blaise you’re not making any sense!”

“How is this so complicated? Fuck no wonder my mother has gone through so many men! Ok how do I explain this. So… see, if you think you owe Granger, and you think the way to make it up to her is to be nice, then you are only being nice because you owe her. Not because you think she deserves your respect. So then add in that she is muggle-born and you hate mugg—”

“I don’t—It doesn’t mean shit to me anymore!”

“Well you have all the time we’ve been at school! The point, Draco, is that if you go around being a prick to all muggle-borns apart from her, then you are essentially saying ‘nothing has changed, I just owe Granger some niceness for a while’, and when you believe you have paid off your debt you can go back to treating her like dirt.”

“Well that’s not what’s happening, and I don’t sound like that,” huffed Draco, pouting and crossing his arms over his chest.

Blaise shrugged. “Then make that clear. You need to make sure she knows you are treating her with respect because she is somebody worthy of respect - and not despite being muggle-born, but because she is a human being. Make sure you’re treating everybody the same - pure blood, half blood, muggle-born - and she will be happy with you.”

“So I apologise, and then continue treating her nicely, and also be equally unpleasant to everybody else regardless of background?” asked Draco, turning it over in his mind.

“If you want to put it that way… and really Draco, she gave you the easy way out. If she were a Slytherin she would have been calling in favours for ever and it would never be enough.”

“Bloody girls so complicated,”muttered Draco, tapping his fingers on his knee, “why couldn’t she just say so!”

“She literally did!” cried Blaise, exasperated with his friend. “Re-read your little piece of paper and you’ll see its all in there.”

Draco glared at him, but unfolded his parchment again and re-read her exact words, grumbling to himself.

Eventually he signed in resignation. “You’re right,” he bit out.

“I’m sorry, what was that? It sounded like Draco Malfoy admitting I was correct…”

“Fuck you. You were right. Happy?”

Blaise grinned. “Extremely. Where are you going?” he asked as Draco gathered his belongings to leave.

“To go and draft an apology. Respectful apologies to deserving witches is something my father actually did do well…” suddenly a feral grin took over his face, the type he would sport after carrying out a particularly good prank. “I bet Lucius would absolutely love it if he knew I was using his skill to apologise to Granger!”

“Your father any good at respectfully wooing witches too?”

“What? Why?”

“Oh you know… in case a certain muggle-born witch were to occupy your ‘little black heart’ as well as your mind!” Blaise winked at Draco as he pushed passed to leave the room and a spluttering Malfoy behind.

[v-poreons]

kova's backstory is so sad, like I knew it was sad but reading that still :((( anyways more kova lore bc I'm invested

I can talk about the campaign he was in then! :))

I'm so mad Tumblr deleted everything I wrote hold on while I try to fix this

Basically what I said before was so fucking long I simply can't rewrite it in as comprehensive a way i did before so this is gonna be a lot shorter I'm PISSED.

I don't remember everything that happened in the campaign because it was four years ago but the party was me as Kova, Asher (Wood Elf Ranger), Lan (Changeling ((in the form of a High Elf)) Fighter), Mislia (Tiefling Sorcerer), and Savory (Tiefling Monk, we had an inside joke that Kova spells her name Savoury).

We were on a job delivering some stuff from one town to another I believe when we were attacked by some goblins who we beat the absolute shit out of. Lan was checking one of the goblins when she found a ring with an eye symbol engraved on it. She put it on and it latched itself to her finger and shot a beam of light into the woods, presumably for us to follow. We hid our wagon and set up camp in a cave for the night. I don't remember who was on watch but we were ambushed by some Dark Elves who took us to the Underdark to their queen who welcomed us and decided to throw a party in our honor.

We were all varying degrees of intoxicated but Kova, who was nursing his first cup of ale since he hates drinking since it inhibits his reasoning skills and he was a little wary of the whole thing. Lan also was suspicious so the two chatted for a bit and planned to do some investigating together later. When we had been escorted to our rooms we found out that we had been magically locked in so we found a way to bypass the spell and sneaked out with the rest of the party, but we were caught and taken into the throne room where the queen revealed she had led us here for a reason. She activated a big rune on the floor and we all blacked out. Then when we woke up our skin was translucent and you could see our skeletons under our skin because plot twist we were dead and had been sent to the underworld (the reveal slapped so hard david if ur seeing this u popped off so hard)

We ended up having to do like a gladiator type match where Kova and Lan created the legendary knife cube combo (Kova casts cloud of daggers Lan throws enemies into the cube and theyre promptly turned into bad guy soup). We won and were brought before Hades and Persephone (Kova and Savory charmed her because they're both nice :) ) and then we were thrown in prison because Hades had a stick up his ass.

We met Brutus and Milquetoast in jail and decided to do a prison break I'm not sure exactly how it went but it involved the warden and a prison riot and Lan killed the warden and was inexplicably drawn to this dark spooky hallway which supposedly held Thanatos but when she reached the end of the corridor all that was there were empty chains.

We had a sick ass chariot race with Hades and Lan flipped him the bird as we escaped down a big cavernous hole in the ground. We woke up at the bottom and learned if we wanted out we each had to go through trials to judge our characters.

I don't remember the exact order we went in but Mislia's was a fight with their ex wife and ended with them choosing Savory's life over the ex, Savory's took place in her old monastery which she had been banned from, Asher's was a puzzle that ended in a fight with his former friend and leader (who happened to be his player's other character from a different campaign remember this it's important), and Lan's (which was the last trial and also the last session since we unfortunately didn't finish the campaign) took place in her childhood hometown but everyone but her had lost their memories and she had to convince us all to come with her and get our memories back.

Kova's was a quiz show type trial during which we would gain or lose things (body parts, knowledge/memories, items, etc.) The trouble with playing a character who's smarter than you is when ur DM asks you what the components are to an X level Wizard spell (something Kova would probably know but I sure as hell didn't) you end up spinning the bad wheel (a la taz suffering game) and losing Kova's harmonica which was a gift from his dead friends dead daughter. Also it got turned to ash :)

The game show host ended up being Medusa and we killed the hell out of her and Lan and Kova struck the final blows.

I ended up asking the DM what the campaign would have gone like from the last session and he said the twist would have been that Brutus was Thanatos and I don't remember how but he could not longer continue being Thanatos so Lan, who had the ring, would be given the choice to become the new god of death or not.

From there we have two endings:

The 'canon' ending, in which Lan accepts her role and remains in the underworld while the rest of the living party members return to their lives. Kova is alone and lonely returning to his travels but has healed somewhat and learns to accept people into his heart again.

In the ending where Lan refuses, the party returns to the living world and parts ways. Lan and Kova reluctantly separate since Kova wishes to keep traveling and seeing the world but Lan is exhausted by everything that has happened in her life up until this point and just wants to settle down. The two visit from time to time but reminisce on their past and wonder how they could have remained close and developed their relationship (art in the video is drawn by Lan's player lil.bunny.prince on Instagram)

In both endings (and here's where you remember that importance regarding Asher's trial), because the story has established that it takes place in the same world as another campaign, Kova meets

Gwyn, and becomes a father figure to her and essentially adopts her. They're perfect for each other. Gwyn was cast from her clan and disowned by her family, and now she finally has a solid adult figure in her life who loves and accepts her and helps her overcome her fears of rejection and accidentally hurting the people she cares about. Kova has lost so much and with Gwyn he is able to raise her like he would have helped raise Iris and learns to overcome his survivors guilt and both of their scars and trauma heal together I love them so much.

Kova does outlive Gwyn by a couple hundred years (damn dnd lifespans) and whichever direction his life goes his endings are always bittersweet but he is able to heal despite always feeling a little sad and when he gets older he settles in a nice town and owns a library. And obviously his canon storyline isn't sad enough so I have aus for that (villain au my beloved). ❤

[purity-town]

Little late getting to these -- that's fully the fault of a class project I spent all of Monday/Tuesday and most of Wednesday working on -- but I finished my project and wrote up some long replies to these!

(Apologies for any funny formatting -- I'm trying out the beta for the new post editor!)

Absolutely not.

Nope! There are a few people who do know (other guides Andrew's met before, the Dryad, and I'd imagine the Witch Doctor knows something's up even if he doesn't know why), but none of them live in Purity Town proper, and the Dryad and Witch Doctor aren't the kind to participate in rumors or spread what isn't theirs to share. The old man is also aware just because he and Andrew have talked about their curses, but he's 1) not currently in town and 2) not going to share even if he were.

Most folks don't know much about Andrew in general; Becca probably knows the most out of the townsfolk, knowing a little bit about his family and where he's from (he has some pretty specific skills as a hunter that betray this, but he doesn't talk about his exact town of birth), but no specifics and certainly not time periods.

Andrew is good at keeping things quiet; he has to be.

I would actually appreciate if you didn't post to Pinterest -- usually I'm fine with people reposting with credit (several of the things I've posted to my DeviantArt have found their way to Instagram, for example) but Pinterest has something of a reputation for stolen art (things being reposted from another Pinterest post without credit this time, or credit being hard to view for users not logged in or just viewing through Google). So reposting elsewhere is fine (though if you repost to Reddit or Instagram, tag me at u/Ariibees or @Ariibees)! I'd just prefer my works stay off of Pinterest.

The terminology related to The Guide/Andrew/The Guardian/The World’s Core/The WoF is all confusing because on some level, they’re all the same being. Kind of like trying to talk about Jekyll and Hyde -- same guy, different looks/actions, haha.

For all intents and purposes, references to the WoF being the barrier/core/whatever behind or within which the spirits of light and dark are contained is equivalent to saying “these spirits are held trapped by the magic of the Guardian, who when summoned appears as the WoF.” I do break slightly from the official lore in how the WoF/Guardian/thing holding back these spirits works (mostly because I don’t really like the idea that the Hallow is a “temporary guardian” or whatever), but the basic concept of “these are trapped by [thing that makes up the WoF]” remains unchanged.

If “loony cultist” is a reference to something, I’m so sorry, but I’m lost on it. If you’re just talking about the lunatic cultist in a funny way, then yes, they’re in here as a very plot-significant character!

I had to google what meme you were talking about, but it did make me laugh.

Andrew’s most annoyed by the nickname because people do like to call him Guide, and for someone who’s dedicated his whole life to his role, it can get tiring. He doesn’t really *mind* being called Guide -- it’s fine, that’s what he is and as long as people are respectful of his job he’ll take what he can get -- but at the same time, he’d like for people to stop thinking “Aah! Monster!” or “Weird academic know-it-all” and just...treat him like a normal person sometimes. So he fights to be called Andrew. And...Malik comes along and gives him a nickname that he doesn’t like and doesn’t allow others to use, save for maybe a small group of people of which Malik is not a part. So, not cool, man!

People love to overcomplicate explaining shading/lighting, and if you wanted to you could certainly go on and on about reflections of light off the ground and shading colors and all sorts of things, but as I’m writing this at 1 AM I don’t really care to.

If you really want to get into shading, I see nice ones on DeviantArt or Tumblr from time to time, or you can always watch a YouTube video on it. Really, though, just keep at it, think about how the shadows should look and work, and you'll get better at it eventually and pick up new ideas on how it all works. (And this is coming from someone who is new to making comics and actually started as a painter.)

Purity Town’s shading comes down to this: simplicity. As much as I’d love to spend hours and hours redrawing the panels I don’t like and carefully shading every fold of fabric and painting detailed backgrounds, I’m a full-time college student and will be working full-time over the summer -- I don’t have the time. So, I cut corners: I reuse backgrounds or use brushes (see: bricks, trees, clouds) that make certain details easier, and I try not to obsess too much over panels I’m not fully happy with. Shadows go where they feel right, and light on the opposite side.

For shading, this comes down to making things quick and easy. For these last few pages, character shading/lighting has only been five layers. One hard light layer for the bluer soft shadows, one overlay layer for darker soft shadows, one linear burn layer for hard shadows, one soft light layer for soft lighting, and one overlay layer for hard lighting. I’ll often also make use of glow dodge layers for lighting, or change the color balance or add more hard/soft light layers if there’s a very heavy color filter on the scene (such as a celestial event, blood moon, or outdoors at night).

Using all the different layer types is essentially a cheat code to fancier lighting -- don’t want to use flat black? Boom, hard light or overlay or burn will give you colored shadows. Want to make your light brighter? Glow dodge will make it burn your retinas.

Sorry that this isn’t a very comprehensive guide, but in my mind, shading and lighting is really something that you pick up over time and it’s hard to sit down and write a guide for it without making it into a massive essay on art theory that I don't even know proper terminology for because I'm not an art student. Of course with some googling you’ll find *proper* guides for this sort of thing from art majors and the likes, and those can be super helpful and technical! But for Purity Town, I just sort of go with what feels right and what's easy to replicate.

Firstly, I’m happy to hear you’re liking the comic!

Secondly, those buttons are actually there due to the theme! (For those on mobile who can’t see it, I have the theme set to only display on desktop as I prefer the current mobile layout on phone.) I’m using the simple webcomic theme (a quick Google should tell you how to install it for yourself) -- except I’m not actually using it for the webcomic features; rather, it’s a case of “this is the most simple, nice-looking non-default theme I could find.”

The previous/next buttons are added by the theme with the intent that the blog is being used as a typical webcomic website, with nothing but comic pages being posted. However, I post asks and other art here too, and I do so with the intent that people looking at #Terraria or their dashboards in general will see it. So...I use html formatting to make the first/previous/next/last links, along with an index and chapter-by-chapter viewing (using /tagged/chapter##/chrono) so that no matter where you’re coming from, you can still navigate just the pages!

If you want to add just the previous/next buttons, I can’t really help you -- web development is not my area of study in the slightest. But you can check out the theme that they come from and if you want to install only them, you can surely find a tutorial on it somewhere!

(As a side note, the comments section is not from the theme, it’s from a site called Disqus. I don’t expect many people, if anyone, to leave comments, but since I link back to this site a lot and many folks don’t have Tumblr accounts, it’s an option I like to make available.)

Hiya! My hike was pretty nice; it was a short and easy one, but that was quite appreciated as the trail is unmaintained from November to April, and the trail was covered in fallen trees and quite rocky. Still had fun, though!

And for backgrounds, it depends! For indoors scenes (or outdoors scenes with buildings) I don’t tend to use references, outside of looking up things like “which side of a door is the handle on.” I will, however, integrate real-life textures (see: the quilt and rug in Guide’s house, the wood walls on the building in the background of this week’s page), and paint over paintings from the Terraria wiki.

For outdoors scenes, for simple backgrounds (such as foliage-heavy) ones, I typically don’t need references. I like the difference between detailed, lined indoor/man-made object scenes vs. painted, messy outdoor scenes. But for things like mountains, I do sometimes look up references to help with color choices and the likes.

The town’s layout is a bit strange in that depending on the scene, the background could be drastically different. One side of town faces more mountainside, one side faces the orchards/open hillside, and the other two sides face various degrees of open space and more mountainside/forest. References taken on top of mountains are helpful to get an idea of what degree of foliage I should include between the characters and the sky.

Though this is very specific to the town of Purity -- other towns/villages will have significantly different-looking backgrounds, even the foliage-heavy ones.

That said, what's even more helpful than looking at photos is looking at paintings. Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron is really good for getting an idea of how to draw grasslands and distant mountains, plus Studio Ghibli movies in general!

[iwriteaboutkpopsometimes]

Hyunjin "Play With Fire (Feat. Yacht Money)" (원곡 : Sam Tinnesz) | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]     ~A Love Letter~

I talk about why I love this video so much and deliver an excruciatingly detailed play by play of it, but why read a two thousand word, five page essay on a three minute video when you can just go watch the aforementioned three minute video? Forget me spending hours writing this, why are you here, seriously, it would take you significantly less time to watch the actual video. Regardless, enjoy my attempt to refrain from saying the same three things, “he's so cool”, “I love him”, and “this is so good”, in exchange for a  more, hopefully, academically professional sound.

Watching him perform never fails to put me in a trance, it’s incredibly captivating how precise and sharp while simultaneously lively and energy-filled his movements are. This video feels reminiscent of enjoying a movie I’ve seen countless times, memorized every line of dialogue from, and genuinely think of every part as the best it has to offer. I greatly missed seeing him dance and having this as his grand welcome back into the spotlight is nothing less of a gift. Every second leaves my heart pounding and as excited as the last, as he continuously tops himself the longer I watch. I feel that revisiting the video is the least I can do, for giving it only one view doesn’t feel morally acceptable if I intend to truly appreciate it for that art that it is. Dramatic of me? Perhaps, but I can’t help but perceive it as more than just this one video that was uploaded onto their YouTube channel. It isn’t just about all of the work he and others put into the making of this particular video, his choreography for the song was a result of years upon years of practice and learning different techniques. A performance this good doesn’t only involve technical skill though, but also skill in regards to one’s inner mind. To have confidence in one’s self, to hit every move powerfully, to know what you’re doing and be unapologetic about it, that is skill. Sure, the performer is at the focus of any performance, but don’t forget that it’s also about the audience, it is after all for the enjoyment of the viewer. If the audience senses your doubt and insecurity and uncertainty, it will make your stage that much less enjoyable. Whatever you feel, they can feel too. When I watch him, I don’t feel any of that. In fact, I feel the exact opposite, I feel inspired, motivated, confident, excited to advance in my own endeavors. The emotion that this video evokes from me goes beyond anything Stray Kids or K-Pop or even dance itself, it makes me want to be a better person, be kinder to myself and work harder. That might sound like a lot for one video to do for someone, but it’s the truth. All of the details, even down to the individual frames, it all works together to create the most gratifying viewing experience. At the time of writing this, the video has just hit five million views and has over one million likes, only a mere three days after its initial upload.

The first shot of his footsteps alone,  as he goes to stand in front of the mirror, I already feel this sense of importance coming from him, delicate, yet powerful. The setting, cold and empty, yet inviting, it makes room for him and gives him just enough light to be seen, for he doesn’t need all that much help to surely shine. The credits that pop up use a dark shade of pink-red for it’s background color and white text that acknowledges the same deep red imagery and text associated with the material of the original work. His outfit is neat and pristine with some sparkle, resembling one a prince would seem fit. He stares at his reflection, holding a sheer white ribbon in his mouth, gathers a section of hair behind his head and proceeds to tie it with said ribbon. The music starts as he finishes tying and lets his arms fall down at his sides. The over the shoulder shot looking into the mirror, shows that his expression is neutral, almost calm. This can most certainly be described as “the calm before the storm”, except the storm itself is antonymous to a tragedy, because when the singing starts, it’s as if his performance persona was turned on by a switch, a charismatic possession that took place in a matter of seconds that sends chills down your spine in the best way. His previously neutral, calm-like expression and gently resting arms are quickly replaced by the sudden placement of his right hand around his neck and a look that resembles more of  a vengeful, hesitant, and somehow playful one. Similar to what I’d imagine a villain would look like right before being bested during an epic fight sequence at the climax of a film. It’s satisfying to see him popping to the beat’s rhythm, his arms, wrists, and head smoothly illustrating the flow of the words, his focus and the secure angles he’s able to form before even fully utilizing his lower body. On the line “Got secrets I can’t tell”, he delicately places his pointer finger in between his teeth, as he turns back to meet the camera with his eyes, the shot now semi-closely focusing on both Hyunjin and his reflection as opposed to just one or the other. He extends his right arm, his hand forming a fist, and the camera movement making it as if I’ve been punched and sent flying. He stumbles to the middle of the room, does an opening gesture with his arms, like a proud baker showing off their completed wedding cake, along with a dramatic spin incorporating his thin, white, flowy cape. Reaching the pre-chorus, we get to see the room more clearly, like the stone pillars and the contrast of the small, warm lights on the walls to the grand grayness radiating from the large window that makes him appear as a near silhouette. There’s a certain holiness about him spending a count with his head down and arms out, much like the Crucifixion of Christ, before showcasing more of a demonic energy when he faces the window with his body, but bends backward and looks to the camera upside down. He rips off the cape, tosses it behind him, to his right. This could symbolize a transformation, an abandonment of a particularly purer image of oneself, a liberation. The music picks up, and the manner in which he dances is like a visual representation of one’s inner turmoil combined with an agenda to seduce those watching, wanting to dance for himself while taking us along for the ride. Now that the first minute of the video is out of the way, let’s continue.

The music fades into the background and the video takes on a sudden widescreen and grayscale appearance as he falls back on his right hand, flings his left hand over to his right shoulder, as though he’s been shot, and is being supported by his knees. He leans forward, places his right hand on the ground in front of him, uses his left hand to push his right knee over to achieve ideal balance, setting up his body roll. He extends his right leg back, getting close to the ground, and there’s something quite feral, yet intimate about the way he traces the length of his arm with his face and left hand. It looks like he’s taking out his frustrations through his moves while never sacrificing the detailed quality of the performance as a whole. It reminds me of how it’s more than common for artists to use their pain in their art, whether it be a point of well-intentioned expression with a specific purpose or simply an outlet for them to channel into. Hyunjin is the definition of aggressive elegance. The fullscreen, colorful display and music entirely return when he spins and lands on the ground in a Spider- Man esc pose, the room a lot warmer than even before the stylistic grayscale section. There’s hints of red, acting as a match that’s set to illuminate and ignite the puddle of gasoline that is him and his performance, that replaces the once colder, icy blue that previously enveloped his silhouette. He bounces to the beat showing off his proud, devilish smile that, instead of striking fear, makes me feel proud, as I’m essentially rooting for the villain in the movie. If the transition to the grayscale widescreen was him getting shot, then the transition back to fullscreen color is him emerging from his grave, an awakening. His shirt is no longer neatly tucked into his pants, but rather, hanging very loosely and mostly unbuttoned. He covers his face with his left hand, pulling it down for just a second before revealing his expression that has swiftly reverted to a roughly indifferent one. The inner conflict has greatly subsided, and focuses on the hesitant-free embracing of his newly discovered self, one of immense confidence and sex-appeal. Although, something about the flow of how he averts his gaze, looking to the left and not the lense, while pointing and doing body rolls at the camera, covers his eyes with crossed arms, and then allows for his hair to cover his eyes as well, makes me feel like he doesn’t want the viewer to know he is still at least a little bit shy. He quickly makes you forget though, because the next and final minute exaggerates everything he’s shown us up until this point, taking it to a whole new, spectacular level.

The bridge of the song creates a slower, softer atmosphere, which is beautifully interpreted with how Hyunjin carries himself during this part. Bigger gestures that blend into each other seamlessly, centering on really taking up the space he’s in. He gently and precisely lowers his body to the floor, collecting a white rose between his teeth. As soon as he returns to his upright stature, the setting changes dramatically. His hair now completely down, he’s under a spotlight in an otherwise pitch black and foggy room. There’s blue and red light reflecting off of his white top and his skin as he dances. This part feels more humane compared to the rest, with more of an obvious balance between sharp, impactful moves and tender, compassionate ones. He draws attention to his shoulders, brings his hands and feet close to his body, and showcases his red lit back. I particularly enjoy when he flicks his wrists and twists his ankles to the right in unison on the second syllable of “unstoppable”. For the “legendary animal” part of that line, his arms create a cage-like structure by doing a climbing motion and carrying it over all the way to the left. A cage in which he destroys the walls and breaks out of, shown by him punching downward on beat. From holding the rose in his mouth to holding it in his hand, he brings it over his head to his left shoulder, and raises his heels. He carries the rose down and around his left arm, his left arm momentarily resting at his waist, his right arm extended downward, he raises his heels again. His whole body lowers as a rigid wave starts at his up flicked wrists and subsequently elbows and shoulders. This collection of gestures results in petals falling off of the rose. He then inevitably throws it into the void, out of the reach of the lovely spotlight. I see this spotlight dance as a danse macabre, or dance of death. The white ribbon, white shirt, and white rose all coming together to illustrate this innocent and pure quality to him, that through this dance, he finalizes the renouncement of. He is more than ready to embrace a new and different side of him, but especially to get rid of the older and repetitive side that felt restrictive more than anything. The spotlight dance ends with Hyunjin looking directly into the camera, tracing his right hand down his chest and to his side, and the camera backing away. The last chorus of the song brings us back to the oh so familiar main room, Hyunjin’s hair back to being tied up, the lighting is the same, but there’s something that stands out. His shirt is on the verge of being completely unbuttoned and that allows for something alluringly shiny to be fully in view compared to before. The video comes full circle with Hyunjin’s hand around his neck, he stands in the hallway, and walks away a new man as the screen fades to black. 

As I wrap up this essay on Hyunjin’s “Play With Fire (Feat. Yacht Money)”, original song by Sam Tinnesz, Stray Kids: SKZ-PLAYER, the video has reached six million views, a million more than when I first started writing this, and I feel proud to have spent a day simply pouring my heart and mind out on this wordy display of my appreciation. Don’t be fooled though, for my necessary research, I guess you could call it, for this project may no longer be so necessary, I shall continue to watch and applaud the masterpiece and experience that is this video for my own personal enjoyment, much like how this whole piece was written for my own personal enjoyment. It was an interesting challenge to properly voice not only the contents of the video but also my thoughts and feelings on it. Hyunjin is a highly valued dancer, member of Stray Kids, and person and five pages isn’t ever going to be enough to fully explain the respect and admiration I feel for him and his various projects. I think he’s really cool, I experience all sorts of fiery euphoria watching him dance, his rap and singing alike are addictive as hell, and he’s pretty, haha. I missed him a lot while he was inactive, and I’m so happy to have him back and doing great things as per usual. I’m excited to see what he and the rest of the group have left to show us this year. I advise you to watch the video if you haven’t, but somehow ended up reading an essay on it first, and if you’ve already seen it, watch it again, yeah. I’ll leave you with lovely thoughts and lovely vibes and I hope you too can appreciate the work he’s put into the video, as well as my work on this essay. Thank you for taking the time to read my love letter, essentially, and bye for now ^ ^

[themissingmarvel]

Kind Regards, Detective [Part 3]

(I am /so sorry/ it got this long. I lost track of it. I had enough for two chapters if I added a bit more but I figured one giant one wouldn’t be bad. I just got too into it. I’ll set an alarm next time for ‘hamburger’ and follow time management skills of the protagonist. And for the record... this is the story of Y/N, not Detective Loki. Which I like. Sure, they’re paired up but... it’a a story. And maybe something more happens. Guess you have to read.)

Catch up: [[Part 1]]// [[Part 2]]// [[drabble]]

Pairing: Detective Loki x fbi!Reader

Word Count: 4.1k {{I AM SO SORRY}}

Warnings: Language, description of violence {{assume that’s a given}}

Sleep wasn’t something that had ever come easy to Y/N. No, she had spent her time in undergrad preparing for graduate school, graduate school preparing for her application to the FBI. Time training at the FBI training to become a profiling agent. Once, when awake at 2 in the morning, sitting on the couch, her ex-boyfriend had asked her to come to bed. She had spoken without even looking up, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

She wasn’t kidding.

They broke up shortly after.

It was arguably harder to sleep now because her brain was always processing information. It was hard to make sense of something so seemingly senseless. And now she had a pile of information that didn’t even add up. More frustrating was having to wait for the lab reports to come back and for forensics to identify everything and tag it. She supposed evidence would come to light in the morning.

Her room in the Holiday Inn was hardly spectacular, to say the least, but it was fine. It had a queen sized bed, a large desk for her to sprawl her things out on, and a place to put her suitcase with the exact amount of clothing she’d need, plus an extra set just in case. Once upon a time she had been the person to travel with seven bags and joke “you never know!” but those days had passed. She had learned that carrying essentials, and sometimes even less, was the way you lived. It made her yearn for that oversized blue hoodie she had stolen from some ex-boyfriend (maybe that asshole who told her to come to bed) that was sentimental only because she wanted it to be. And that thing was durable as hell.

She had slept like a rock that night, for the first time in ages, which was unsettling when she finally did wake up. It didn’t mean her brain hadn’t processed the information, though. Her process meant that when she did wake up, after her shower and getting dressed in clothes too casual for an FBI agent, that she’d come up with new thoughts. New concerns. New ideas.

By the time Y/N rolled into the precinct, it was still only 7:30am. She had a cup of coffee in her hands that she’d scored from the sad and emotionally draining continental breakfast offered by the hospitable Holiday Inn. But food was food and all she’d really wanted was that bagel and a hard boiled egg. Now she had consumed at least two cups with the third in a travel tumbler she brought with her. Her office one, the black one that said nothing but had a small crack at the top was nestled safely in her cabinet at home. That small apartment with a weird amount of locks on it and a keypad she had. Just in case.

Placing her bag on the small table, she glanced to the side and saw Detective Loki at his desk, hunched over and looking at files. He had a powder blue shirt on this time, and looked cleaned up, meaning he’d at least been home, but she suspected he’d had significantly less sleep than her. Which made sense.

The note left at the front of the church had indeed been for him.

My deepest regards and thoughts for you on this anniversary. 

It had seemed to rattle the man initially, his eyes blinking almost non-stop. Twenty seconds and he composed himself. Twenty seconds and Y/N knew not to ask and she knew not to pry. His file had so much in it, but now was not the time. If it had been relevant to the case beyond wanting an emotional connection to David, he would have said so.

Laying out some files and opening her laptop, she stood as it booted up, walking over to Detective Loki and knocking softly on the table, “Morning, Detective,” she smiled cautiously, unsure of how to greet the man. He was still wary and they were still both digesting all of yesterday.

He looked up, hardly shaken, looking tired but nothing dramatic. He sat up and nodded, glancing at his computer to get a sense of the time. Raising an eyebrow, he turned back, “You’re here early.”

She grinned, “One to talk. Did you sleep much?” Normally she might have said it was small talk, though in this instance she found she truly cared. Shared trauma did that. Or maybe it was something else.

A soft, quick laugh left his lips and he stood, mostly to stretch himself out, “I slept. Any is better than none, right? Maybe I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” he grinned at his own dark humor, gathering his things and walking towards the conference room, the young woman following behind, chalking it up to coincidence. Everyone said that.

He glanced at the papers on the table and her laptop loaded, “Any emails come through yet on the case?” Obviously the answer was no, because normal people rested at night and the lab worked on normal hours, but he liked to think that every once in a while, people stayed late and did their jobs the way he did.

Taking a breath she sat on the uncomfortable plastic chair, signing in to the database remotely, “Nothing as of this morning. The lab spent the evening processing the materials, though. One benefit of Feds, right? We have people who work around the clock,” she smirked at him, David almost surprised that perhaps she had read his mind, too. Though in reality she was used to this. Small towns or even cities often backlogged, suddenly given resources they weren’t used to.

A small ‘ding’ went off from inside the bag, Y/N quick to fish around inside for it, “Do you just… not carry your things on you?” Detective Loki didn’t mean to sound condescending, though his tone certainly spoke that way. More than anything he was concerned. Why she didn’t have her weapon holstered on her person or even her phone in her pocket said there was a level of disconnect. And there was. She liked to process in her head and her phone took her away from that.

Ignoring the snide remark, she glanced at the text that had popped up, “Check your email, ladybug. Fast tracked some of that forensic work for you.”

Ding.

“No offense but does that precinct always work so slow? We never got the cell phones in with the belongings and even you have a cell phone.”

Glancing over at David who had taken a seat not so far away, she furrowed her brow with concern, “Forensics bagged up all the personal affects of the individuals at the scene, right? Like, all of it?”

David frowned, “I sure as fuck hope so. Is something missing?”

She began desperately clicking through the laptop, accessing the items retrieved from the scene, David standing, concerned and terrified, still seeing that note in his brain, reminding him of what he had tried so hard to forget. Placing a hand on the back of her chair and leaning in, perhaps inches from her face, able to smell the coffee on his breath and his face wash, whatever he used to keep himself so clean shaven. She could hear him breathing. It was eerily calm despite his clearly rattled demeanor. And him being so close? Hard to focus.

Squinting she scrolled through each individual’s information, frowning as she compared, “Shit. Shit!”

David was looking at the same documents, and he was realizing the same thing that she was. He supposed it might not have been so obvious so immediately, but he also wasn’t a profiler. This wasn’t what he did the way she did it.

Grabbing her phone she typed desperately into it, sending the message off to her coworker, Adrian, the one she’d had a crush on and had flirted with terribly. The one who had told her he was interested, but maybe not right now. The one who sent her flirty texts still and she knew he just liked the attention, but sometimes you couldn’t help who you liked. Even if that person was a total asshole.

Ding!

Damn he was fast.

“Who the hell doesn’t have backups on the cloud? So far these people are coming up empty, ladybug.”

Sometimes you fell for the asshole and sometimes the asshole fell for you.

Detective Loki had seen that text. It had made him tighten, for whatever reason. Maybe it was the information given or maybe that little nickname at the end. He didn’t know squat about this woman and so far he was finding that it wasn’t making him dislike her. He wanted so badly to have slept on it and realized she really wasn’t his type. But here she was, focused and on task, already making headway with evidence. She wore an attire so different than his own and she didn’t look like a Federal Agent the way he always had seen them. She didn’t wear that stupid-ass jacket they all had, or that dumb fucking cap. She looked like she belonged in a coffee shop somewhere reading a book and staying quiet. But it bothered the hell out of him that she didn’t keep her weapon holstered or her badge on her.

“None of them had their cell phones. And we didn’t find them at the abduction sites. We assumed they were dumped for safety reasons, but from what Adrian is telling me, they didn’t even have backup information. We literally have no digital information on them,” she frowned, turning to look at David.

He paused for a moment, so close to her, able to smell the shampoo she had used, the lightly floral fragrance, the look of concern in her eyes. He could see everything.

Stepping back suddenly he rubbed his hands over his face, “All right. So let’s look at this. Phones get dumped for a ton of reasons, right? And maybe they just… all didn’t back up their phones.”

Y/N shook her head and frowned, as she typed back a response before tucking the phone away, “The GPS and locators on the phones were all deactivated, or else the lab would have coordinates for the phones. And why does someone not back up their phone?” She looked at him, already with the answer, though she needed him to say it. She needed him to understand what she was getting at.

“Everyone leaves some digital footprint. Can we find them online? Social media, maybe?” In that moment Y/N almost felt like giving him her signature ‘are you fucking with me?’ looks, though kept her poker face. He was a man living in a small town who had done small cases, for the most part. He didn’t know the ins and outs the way she did. He hadn’t been trained as she had.

So instead she looked at her computer, “I can do some searching myself, but for the real stuff… for what we’re really looking for… we need someone with experience.”

For a moment she thought briefly of her own team. Of course there was a group she worked with, but ultimately there was no ‘Penelope Garcia’ on her team, or a quirky tech nerd. There were expert analysts who could pull data and indeed find footprints. Honestly they were probably already doing that. But she had that feeling again… that gut wrenching pain.

Staring at the monitor for longer than felt comfortable, she sighed heavily, “I don’t like this, Detective. It’s wrong. I feel like we’re watching the lights flicker before the power goes out. I don’t even think this is the worst of it.”

Admittedly, she had been wrong in the beginning. But being wrong meant she was learning more about this person, and she didn’t like that. She never liked being in the head of a criminal, but of a sociopath… that was scary. Sleep wouldn’t be coming again any time soon, that much she knew.

As if overtaken, Y/N lept from her chair, almost knocking the damn plastic piece of garbage over as she stood and began practically tearing through the files. David looked at her, both confused and angry, though unsure why he was angry, “What are you doing?”

Her eyes were wide, though, and she was focused. In that moment it was all she could think about, all she could see, all she could-

“Here! It’s here!” She pulled out a statement by one of the victim’s spouses. Louise Frank, 43, nurse at the local hospital in Noxen. Putting the paper down she pointed, Loki now shoulder-to-shoulder with her, eyes locked as she pointed out the sentence, “Her husband stated he was having trouble getting in touch with her, which makes sense, but said he thought it was just something to do with her new phone. Detective, what if her husband still has the other phone? He said the screen was shattered but if we can get it, we can check the old phone.”

Adrenaline was pumping through her body, wanting in that moment to wrap her arms around his neck as she realized the opportunity they had. But instead she kept those Y/E/C eyes wide and excited, excited in a way she didn’t like to admit but in a way that David knew meant they had something to go off of.

“Let me get my keys, we’re driving to Noxen,” he looked stoic, though his breathing had increased, his own adrenaline pumping as he adjusted the collar of his shirt.

Looking at him with confusion she shook her head, “That’s two-hour drive, Detective. Shouldn’t we call them first?”

He was opening the door and headed to his desk as he spoke, “David. And I couldn’t give a fuck how long that drive is, we need that phone.”

___

David.

They had gotten into his car in a bit of a hurry, though Y/N was quite proud of remembering to bring her phone and her badge, both tucked into her jacket. Well, her badge was. Her phone was in hand as she called Noxen Police and had them email her the name and address of the husband. She had gone so far as to call the husband as well, warning him they were coming, and politely, kindly, sweetly, asked if he knew where the phone was.

He did. He had it.

Hanging up, she tucked the phone away, “Mr. Frank said he’ll have it out for us.” David barely nodded, instead gripping the steering wheel tightly, knuckles almost white as he kept himself from going seventy in a fifty. This was a lead, he knew. It was a lead they’d be able to solidly point at and hold up in the air and shout, “here!”

And he was not about to jeopardize that by having some idiot mail it over or some rookie cop drive it and drop it again. Or lose it entirely. He didn’t trust anyone except for the two people in the car.

“I dated a guy once with knuckle tattoos,” she spoke calmly, looking out the window at the barren trees and quiet grey day.

Loki was shaken from his trance and looked over, his face washed with confusion, “What?”

Y/N turned to face him, “I dated a guy once with knuckle tattoos. Like you,” she gestured to his hands, partially to let him know she noticed how tightly he was gripping the wheel.

He let go slightly.

Raising an eyebrow he turned back to the road, his posture relaxing, “Oh,” he said flatly.

She kept her face stoic, “Don’t you want to know what it said?”

David glanced back again, confused though now oddly engaged, “What did it say?”

She got quiet, “It said ‘gullible’ on one hand.”

His face contorted for a second as he considered this, “That doesn’t- goddamnit,” he felt himself smiling as he looked over, watching the woman in the passenger seat smiling as well, her form relaxed as she chuckled. David did too.

“How often do people give you shit about your tattoos?” She kept her smile but softened her tone, deciding she didn’t like the idea that the rest of the car ride would be silent. She wanted to know David more than just as a man in a file. She wanted to understand what went on in his head.

Taking a breath, he considered the question. His internal monologue was often just that, internal, but he found himself being asked questions that people didn’t often ask him. A joke that no one else would have ever made seeing him angry. This wasn’t just a woman, but chaos in a bottle, perhaps, “When I was in the academy, lots of people gave me shit. I was a bit older than some guys in there and I still had my temper,”

She grinned, “Oh, this is you calm?”

The corner of his lips curled up slightly, just slightly, “Anyway, I got into a couple fights. Off grounds, of course. But I talked to one of the sergeants in the academy and he sort of set me straight. Told me there would always be something and that if I wanted to be any kind of officer, any kind of detective, I needed to let those things go. So yeah, people ask, but I don’t get into it.”

Nodding, she folded her hands in her lap, leaning back, “Back when I was in college, freshman year, of course, I was determined to get a tattoo. I mean, straight up determined. I thought, ‘Hell yes, you’re an adult, get that fairy tattoo on your ribcage!’” She looked over at David who was already smirking, “Hey, shut it.” He held a hand up, staring ahead at the empty highway as they drove.

“But ultimately I didn’t. It changed. It was a butterfly on my ankle, then for a brief moment a rose on my wrist. By the time I decided I wanted to be in psych, and work with the FBI, I had talked myself out of a tattoo entirely. It’s funny, because people always say they regret the tattoos they got, but honestly? I regret the tattoos I didn’t get.” Her eyes turned back to the trees as they drove, remembering those rushes of adrenaline as she took out a few hundred in cash and stood outside some shop near her school. Always a different one. Always the same amount of money in hand. Always certain. Then always with a reason not to.

It had never occurred to David that someone might regret not getting a tattoo. Some of his he had gotten in some guy’s basement when he was fifteen. Some when he turned eighteen and nineteen. Some even when he was twenty-four. His neck and hands were his younger years. And for a moment he tried to picture a young Y/N with her shirt hiked up getting a tattoo on her ribs that she wouldn’t possibly imagine how painful it was. Or maybe she did. There was much about her he didn’t know.

Her phone dinged again, breaking the silence, pulling it out to read another text from Adrian, “Ladybug, you’re teasing me with all this exciting information. Update me on the case. Place isn’t the same without you here.”

Asshole.

Sighing, she frowned, eyeing the message, “Ladybug?” David had caught a glimpse of the message, and while he had tried not to pry he was somewhat curious. Was it a significant other? A friend? Something else?

Shutting the screen off, the young woman tucked her phone away again, “Coworker. Not a profiler but he’s a field agent with serials back in DC, where I’m out of. It’s a long standing joke, mostly born of me forgetting the word ‘bee’ and instead screaming ‘ladybug’ because clearly those two things look and sound the same,” she rolled her eyes at herself. It had been such a bad first week, so much so she’d stressed herself out that when a bee came near her, allergic of course, she had screamed instead ‘ladybug’, the first insect name she could think of.

David only nodded his head, and Y/N considered her own fondness for Adrian. She wished she didn’t like him. She wished she could listen when her own friends told her he was just using her for attention. But she knew that already. Didn’t matter. Not really. Emotions were always fickle that way, driving you to do stupid shit. It was why she was so good at her job, in that she understood what drove people, even when it didn’t make any logical sense.

The drive after was fairly quiet, though interjected with sparse conversation. Meaningful, but quick. Tidbits shared. Pieces. Shards. Bits of each other’s puzzle that they would later try and piece together to make sense, even though it never would. But she found out he had spent ten years in the boy’s home, sprinkled with some juvie time for petty crimes he rolled his eyes at himself for. And Y/N had let out her own experience coming face-to-face with one of the serials she’d caught. He didn’t know who she was. She knew who he was. Just by that look. The vacant look but one that was burning. An empty building on fire. Nothing inside. Nothing but the fire to drive him. It had terrified her. She still woke occasionally to those eyes, staring through her, passing her by on the street like dodging a bullet.

Getting the phone once they arrived in Noxen had been quick. The husband wanted less than nothing to do with the police and it was clear he had already spent time crying. David knew the look. Y/N did too. Grief stricken and angry. Nowhere to put it.

Giving the phone to David (who insisted he be the one to hold it) she sighed, shaking her head, “We have to plug it into my laptop at the precinct and use encryption. Whoever did this, all of this, is smarter than we’re giving him credit for. If he knows we have the phone, he’ll be all over this. We need to consider who this man is.”

A shiver ran up Detective Loki’s spine, looking at Y/N as they got into the car, “You’re saying this is a guy?”

She frowned, chewing at her bottom lip, “I didn’t want to think it was. I don’t think he was trying to trick us with the formal writing and the flowers. I think that’s just how his brain is wired. But I need to know, then, why he’s targeted you and the other detectives. And now… now you, David. He wants something from you.” Her eyes were filled with concern as she stared at him in the car, still turned off, cold.

He turned the car on without a word, beginning the drive back to Conyers. He was angry now. Not just at the situation, but at all of it. He had wanted to be grateful for the phone, for having someone like Y/N on the case who could figure this out, but he was angry at how he felt. He didn’t like being a target this way. He didn’t like that someone knew him. Knew the anniversary of the day his horrid mother dropped him off at the home and ran off. He didn’t like that this was so damn personal.

Dover and Birch was hard, but it was easy. He was fueled by the parents' focus. He was driven by the need to save a child. Children. He had wanted to do something good after so much time hiding in a town like Conyers. And now someone had hand-picked him, of all detectives in the world, for this.

Y/N wanted to tell Detective Loki she knew he was better than that. Than some psychopath who would stage a mass murder. She wanted to urge him to be cautious, though understood someone was poking the bear in a big way. Someone wanted him upset. On guard. Determined and angry. Someone wanted him emotionally involved. It wasn’t because they were getting back at him, though. She knew it was something else. But that was the big question.

((Tagging: @is-it-madness​ @escapingthoughtsandsecrets​ @encounterthepast​ @detecellie​ @breakawayfromeveryday​ ask to be added/taken off))

[laylatheqhitta]

In Regards to Izumi and the Elrics

Lmao, I should start an Underrated Parents series cuz here we go again...

I’ve found in my desperate fanfic hunt that Parental!Izumi is quite underrated, and I don’t understand why. I get that she doesn’t show up as much as Mustang, but she still played a HUGE role in the Elrics’ lives.

How is it just a happy coincidence that these two orphans found tutelage under an infertile woman? I think Hiromu Arakawa definitely planned for her to be their mother figure. It even comes full-circle (literally); Izumi loses her baby-bearing organs, but she ends up taking in these two orphan boys with no mother and a missing father, and Ed and Al lose their mom, but they end up studying under Izumi, who doesn’t have children. 

In a very morbid sense, it’s equivalent exchange.

I’ve been reading the manga recently, and I’ve found a small little detail that I can’t help but find adorable. It’s not exactly unknown that the Elric brothers, Ed more so than Al, enjoy displaying their genius. Like most teens, they like to brag every once in a while.

But there’s something different in these panels. Just look.

Can you see it? I’ll just spell it out for you. They look like children that want to show off to their mom. Just look at the way they proudly declare that they’ve been following her teachings, which immediately cuts to Izumi smiling fondly at them. The next panel shows Ed eagerly calling for Izumi to come watch, which isn’t unlike a child looking for praise from a parent. Compared to Ed’ s smug nature, he looks oddly innocent when interacting with Izumi.

Like, seriously. LOOK AT ED. There are too many instances where he grins or smirks when he’s about to show-off, but here he has such a childish expression on his face. You cannot tell me he doesn’t see her as some semblance of a mother figure.

And just like a mother, despite her questionable training choices, Izumi raises these boys. She still beats them up, but in doing so she prepared them for the harshness of the world. Her training is one of the many reasons that Ed is still alive. When Ed gets cornered, what does he do? He uses the martial arts Izumi taught him. Hell, she even taught them how to survive in the wild! As a soldier, that is an essential skill to Ed, one that could save his life should he ever go out into the field.

But when it’s all said and done, she takes care of them. You’d think that she’s the type to tell them to suck up the pain and do it themselves, but instead, she’s shown cleaning their wounds. And as a bonus, she pats Ed’s head! Look at how fond she looks as she’s doing it, too. She clearly has some level of maternal love for them.

That love is shown most clearly when, instead of beating them up when she finds out the truth (LOL, pun unintended), Izumi pulls them into a hug. Even Al, who’s so much bigger and a literal suit of armor! She hugs him the same way she hugs Ed, as though Al is still a normal boy. Al literally cannot feel things like this anymore, but Izumi is one of the few people that doesn’t care. 

Izumi looks so anguished when she initiates it, like she wants to take away the pain because she knows it hurts. And as soon as she does so, they return the hug. And Ed looks so sad for a moment there, and though it’s clearly from reliving his memories, there’s a touch of nostalgia to it. Why is that? Well, compare THIS

to THIS

Just... look at Izumi and then Trisha. It’s the exact same expression. This parallel is NOT a coincidence. Can you really say Izumi isn’t like their mother when she looks so much like her in her fondness and love for the boys?

Izumi Curtis is a violent woman, but when all is said and done, she also unwittingly became a maternal figure in the Elric brothers’ lives. She clearly cares about them very much, and they return those feelings. That much is obvious because of this panel

The look on Ed’s face portrays his emotions pretty loudly. Additionally, Ed, who has a tendency to lash out when he’s hurt, is the one to hold back Al. Their hurt becomes more prominent in the sense that Ed is beyond violence. Izumi has also seen them at their most vulnerable, so he holds no qualms about showing weakness to her at this moment.

Izumi and the Elric brothers have a beautiful mother/son dynamic, and it’s shown so many times in every single version of FMA. It truly is a shame that people don’t appreciate this dynamic more.

[dreams-of-the-arcana]

31 Days of Arcana: Day 10 Familiar

⚠️ Warnings: Implied animal abuse, panic attack, fire ⚠️

Ialonus was rescued from a traveling circus but things definitely did not go to plan...

Ialonus

Uh-oh

Simple and to the point.

The blaring sounds of knowing things are definitely not going as planned.

That was all Andi could hear over the loud pounding in her ears as she sat in the back area of the largest tent she’d ever seen.

‘Who decides to use a tent to house shows that include fire?!”

Only a few days before, Andi and Asra heard the news of a traveling circus stopping by outside the city gates while shopping in the market. Life had begun to settle down after Lucio’s brief reign of terror ended and perhaps the citizens could use some fun.

“I hear they have one of the largest displays of captive animals this side of Prakra!”

One sentence was all it took to put an end to any ideas of merriment in Andi’s mind.

Over the days leading up to the events, Andi tried to rationalize the information to herself.

‘They could be tame animals being treated very well? There’s no need to assume the worst! They could be happy...’

Nothing quelled the dark feeling in her gut though. So she began to form a plan.

Asra noticed the looks of concentration and determination in Andi and decided to let her come to him when she felt comfortable. Circuses and carnivals had always been a hard subject for her since her days on her own. Asra heard all the stories of her animal liberations from meat markets, private zoos, or poachers when they were teenagers. Now, Andi didn’t have any of those memories.

Asra tried his best to tell her a little when she asked, careful that she didn’t become overwhelmed. But the scars on her hands and arms from daring rescues were a permanent reminder of the time she’d lost.

No, she would have to do something.

On the day of the festivities the two mages wandered into the field where a whole world seemed to spring up.

Color screamed at them from every direction, the sounds of shouting or laughter reverberated off the flimsy walls, delicious and not so pleasant smells filled the air.

Andi spotted someone in make-up made to look like a fish juggling fire sticks while telling jokes. At the same time, Asra watched someone on tall stilts stepping over the crowds and tossing little candies below them.

Magic thrummed in the air as many of the performers weaved it into their acts.

Andi had to pause often in quiet corners to focus on her emotional shield. If even the smallest crack appeared, she’d be quickly overtaken by all the emotions swirling around.

The magicians wandered, awed, and ate whatever caught their eye until the sun had set.

As soon as the dark crept in, lights appeared to fill a strange looking tent in the middle of the field. Performers began herding the crowds into the tent with promises that the best had yet to come.

Andi and Asra allowed themselves to be swept in but stood near a door in case they needed a quick exit. Unfortunately, the best did not come.

A large sweaty man in obnoxiously bright clothing stood at the center of the tent and began to yell out his introductions. This was the Show Of the Beast. Andi gripped Asra’s hand a little tighter.

Inside the circle spread out in the middle, zebras appeared magically and started to run. Ooo’s and Aww’s poured in at the impressive sight. Dancers took to the middle and began to command the Zebras. It was all so organized. The Zebras moved as they were told, dogs ran in wearing little outfits and performed tricks, even a wolf appeared where they gave a good howl to the sky. The crowd loved every moment.

But by the door, Andi’s aura grew darker. Did they not notice the marks on the Zebras legs? The terrified look of those dogs? The malnourished wolf who walked with a heavy chain? Or did they just not care.

It was all too much for her.

Andi excused herself by telling Asra she was going out for some fresh air. He offered to come with her and even better, offered to go home early but Andi waved it off. Around the corner of the tent she took a deep breath. Slowly, her magic reached out to map out the inside of the tent. Animals were kept in a closed off area where the guests couldn’t see them but only one person sat with them.

Andi leaned against the canvas wall outside the room and seemed to slip through the surface as if it were only the surface of water. She tried not to pause and wonder where she’d learned that or how she even knew to do it.

Cages filled the room and the sounds of miserable cries came from all around. It broke her heart to hear but at the same time made sneaking easier. Ever so carefully, Andi pulled out her little lock picking kit and got to work. Once a cage was unlocked she pressed it closed with a little magic so all the animals stayed inside instead of bursting out in ones and twos. Then she spotted the lone guard whose chair sat right in front of a very large cage holding a very unhappy looking lioness.

Andi his herself behind some cages and closed her eyes. It was easier to use the kit but with someone so close she’d have to use magic. Lock picking was a delicate type of magic, she had to do the exact same process as before only without the physical tools or feelings. Essentially, Andi had to become the tools and the skill at the same time.

Precious seconds seemed to tick by so quickly as she focused on each individual tumbler. Clicks so faint sounded like canons.

Finally, the lock gave.

That’s when the plan fell apart.

Andi took half a second of relief after the lock released and apparently that was all it took for the lioness to form her own plan. Andi didn’t have time to hold the door closed before a strong force slammed into the metal doors. The lioness forced her way out of the cage and launched at the person guarding her. They screamed as they ran from the room and in the panic Andi accidentally lost focus and all the doors released at once.

Chaos erupted.

Screams of humans and animals overtook everything. Andi curled up on herself with her hands pressed firmly over her ears.

Too much.

Fur brushed by her skin.

Too much.

Smells of sweat and excitement.

Too much.

Smoke.

Fire.

Too much.

A small ball of golden light.

Too much.

Softness wormed it’s way into her arms.

Too much...

A heat radiated at her core...

A soft voice...

‘Safe’

Andi awoke in her own bed hours later clutching her core as if to hold onto the imaginary warmth.

Asra was by her side immediately and cautiously wrapped her in his arms. He held her tightly and whispered soothing words. As Andi came to her senses the memories of the night flooded back in.

“A-Asra?” Her voice cracked.

“Shhh, my love, you’re safe. You’re home.”

Andi nodded unconsciously.

“Wha-what happened?”

“There was a fire...,” he started then sighed.

“You kept a secret from me.”

Andi looked down at her lap in shame. Instead she saw an unexpected sight. A small ball of tan fur snoozed away as she clutched it to her. The warmth was real and coming off of this tiny creature.

“Asra...? What’s this?”

Asra peered over her shoulder at the lump.

“Oh, yes. I couldn’t get you two apart when I found you.”

Andi gently lifted the animal up to eye level so she could get a better look. Sleepily they revealed large blue-grey eyes and yawned so long pointy teeth were on display.

“This... this is a Lion, Asra.”

Andi stared in shock but the cub didn’t seem to care and started whining about his interrupted nap.

‘Sleep!’

“Asra! It talked!”

Realization hit Asra first and he reached out to lower her arms so the cub could lay back down.

“It is. They also seem to be your familiar because I didn’t hear it speak.”

Andi stared at the bundle in shock. Of course she’d always wondered when or even if she’d get a familiar but a lion had never crossed her mind. She’d always thought a wolf would be closest to her own temperament. Maybe even a housecat or a dog. Never something so wholly beyond their normal realm of animal life.

Then again, she wondered if that’s why she’d never found them until now.

“I just never saw myself as a lion-like person,” she mused.

“Isn’t that the point though? If our familiars were like us, we’d never learn anything from them. Instead maybe we find those who help us unlock another part of ourselves.”

Andi smiled, she liked that idea. Her face quickly fell though and she groaned.

“Feeding him is going to be a nightmare...”

[baconpal]

Bravely Default and BD2

Here it is, the partially prompted bravely default rant/retrospective/whatever the fuck!

With the announcement and demo of bravely default 2 out now for a bigger market than the original game ever had, I feel that as a massive fan of the original I should put some amount of effort into explaining what the appeal of the original is, why bravely second missed a lot of the appeal, and why bravely default 2 has been very, very worrying so far.

If you care about any of that, come on in and I'll try to actually avoid spoilers this time and make this a more legitimate recommendation of a game than usual.

THE APPEAL OF BRAVELY DEFAULT The games obviously have a beautiful art style, especially when it comes to the backgrounds. Every city is like a painting, a beautifully composed shot that you see from just one direction to give you one very strong impression. While the overworld and dungeons are fully 3d and do not have as strong of an artistic impact, they are still very competent and have good colors and cohesive elements. The character design, including the job outfits, the monsters, and all the villains are just top notch. Simple, evocative designs that make the most of the 3DS' limited hardware and build upon the teams skill in making handheld games look good. (its the same team that did the ff3 remake and 4 heroes of light, which looks absolutely kino on original DS) The music is also consistently excellent, with great use of motifing, a full and varied orchestra, and many good slow paced tracks for most of the non-combat segments. Shit like "Conflict's Chime" being the main battle theme, "Infiltrating Hostile Territory" being a common dungeon theme, and "That person's name is" as the rival boss themes makes even the seemingly repetitive songs a constant joy to listen to.

The story is pretty decent, it's not the best part of the game, and there are definitely some aspects of the story some people loathe, but the characters (specifically ringabel fuckin love him) are pretty good and the make for an enjoyable experience. The side material like D's journal are really well done and integrate into the main narrative well for how tucked away and ignored it is.

The gameplay and systems are also some of the best of any RPG I've played, and I've played far too many. The job system from ff3 and 5 is brought to an even greater depth with the addition of universal job abilities, allowing any character of any job make use of another jobs features to create an endless depth to strategy. The way various jobs can mingle together, and how no job is completely perfect on its own makes for very compelling team composition and unit design. The extensive amount of jobs helps as well for replay value and for assuring that no easy winning strategy is found by all players.

The BP system makes battles take on a very unique pacing as the player and enemies can choose to save up turns or blow them all at once to make more complicated strategies possible, or to make the most of an enemies vulnerabilities. This powerful option gives the player a meaningful way to capitalize on their knowledge of the game, while also allowing them to make truly detrimental mistakes. That may sound not good if you're a fucking baby, but nobody wants an RPG you cant lose, but losing because you fucked up is much better than losing because the enemies are just stronger than you or anything to that effect.

But the single greatest part of bravely defaults, which creates the games wonderful balance and unique design philosophy, is that the player is expected to hit the level cap long before finishing the game. Reaching level 99 should occur somewhere just after the middle of the game, at the point where the player has access to almost every job and has encountered almost every type of threat. Reaching level 99 brings with it a certain security, the implication that from then on, all enemies will also be level 99, and that any failure to defeat an enemy will be a result of a bad strategy or the players own mistakes. The game is not easy, and is certainly intended for veteran final fantasy players used to the games with job systems and changing up your entire party to combat a single encounter. Leveling up is not a slow grind part of the game, as you have a lot of control over the speed and frequency of battles, and it is not difficult to keep up with the games level curve.

The other layer to this unique design is that the game expects you to "cheat", or use strategies that would be overpowered and frowned upon in most other games. Bravely default easily expects you to know or discover strategies such as: applying a status to all enemies and killing every enemy with that status using another spell, cycling a counter move over and over to have a nearly invincible party member, applying a healing attribute to a self-damaging character to get huge damage at little cost, casting reflect and dangerous spells on your own party to bounce them at the enemy, or duplicating a move that does maximum damage 15 times in a row. The game builds all of its encounters with the knowledge that your team will be the maximum level and that you will be using the most vile tactics you can come up with, and the game will do the same. Bosses and even common enemies will employ equally vile tactics using the exact same moves that you have access to, meaning you can learn from your enemies or quickly grasp the enemies strategy through your own experiences. One of the late game dungeons is entirely optional, but involves several fights against parties of 4 just like your, using the same jobs and skills you have gained during the game as a perfect test of your ability to develop counter-strategies, instead of relying on your own overpowered tactics. This type of design is really not something you find in many games due to the prominence of grinding or the lack testing strategies, and it is the most true appeal of bravely default to me.

BRAVELY SECOND EXISTS I GUESS So bravely second, a direct sequel to bravely default, definitely is a video game. It uses the original game as a base to generate more content, but completely misses the appeal of the original, and the new content added makes the experience even less focused. Overall, it's still a fairly alright RPG, but it fails to follow up on bravely default in a meaningful way or to provide as compelling of a gameplay experience. Here's some of the things it fucked up.

The game reuses almost everything the original game had, including the same music, world map, and most of the original's towns and dungeons, while adding a few of it's own. Going through areas you've been before never feels good, and the new areas lack the quality or brevity of the original game, leading to uninteresting areas that overstay their welcome, despite being the only break from repetitively reused content.

This extends to the classes but in an even worse sense. One important trait of the original jobs is that they were not perfect by themselves. While every job provided some useful abilities to be shared with other classes, or provided a good base with which to make a character, no class was without flaws. The new classes in bravely second are a lot of the opposite, they are closed loops that think of everything they could have to make a good standalone character. The 4 starter classes you get in bravely second are all brand new, and there's almost no reason to use any class besides those 4 as they are just insanely good. The priest and magician specifically augment magic in a way that makes spells infinity scalable into the end game, completely trampling on any other magic classes territory without needing the extra effort of grinding a new class out. Many of the new job concepts are actually really interesting, like going back in time to return to a healthier state, or a class that changes the stats and attributes of all units in a battle, allowing for all new kinds of strategies; but these classes lack any opportunity to be used to their full potential since they don't mesh well with other jobs and are limited by their self-centered design.

Another completely missed aspect of the original is the level curve discussed before. Bravely second only really requires you get somewhere in the ballpark of level 60-70 to comfortably beat the final boss, and getting too leveled up is really hard to avoid if you are plan to try out various jobs.

Second also fails to account for how many incredibly strong strategies the player can come up with, and even introduces some of its own strategies that it has no way to counteract, such as halfsies (the first skill the first class gets) pretty much splitting the game in two by tripling the value of items like phoenix downs, and allowing for fool-proof strategies by making 1 character focus entirely on defense, effectively making the party unkillable. Essentially, if you play second after having played the original (like any sane person would) then you will absolutely destroy the game with no sense of satisfaction.

The story is also a large step down, enough to become an annoyance, as the writing style changes to a strange romantic comedy situation with, for lack of a better term please forgive my sin, anime writing, but like bad anime writing, ya know the kind of shit that makes people write off all anime cus a lot of it is awkward and unpleasant to listen to. The story tries to mess with some big concepts like "what if new game + was a real thing???" and time travel and shit like that but it doesn't mesh with the tone the rest of the game has and that tone doesn't mesh with the world or art style and it's just a mess.

BRAVELY DEFAULT 2 SEEMS KINDA POOPIE SO FAR So unfortunately, the big appeal of bravely default being part of it's end game makes it hard to judge how 2 is gonna go given we only have a demo of the beginning, but given that the original team behind bravely default has slowly been stripped out of the series as it goes on, the outlook is bleek.

Most immediately obvious is that the artstyle has made a horrible transition from handheld to console, somehow even worse than pokemon. The areas are all fully 3d and lack the style or compositional excellence of bravely default, and the outside environment look like asset store products. The small proportioned characters with simple features to be readable on a small screen have been replaced with identically proportioned characters with excessive detail and ugly features, and look horrible up close on a big screen. Only the negatives of the art style have made it over, and everything good has been made unsavory. The character and enemy design overall is much worse as a result, everything is messy, unclear, and clashes with everything else. It's an absolutely shocking downgrade.

The characters themselves are overly hammy and feel like shallow attempts to have a similar party dynamic to the original without having identical character types, and the writing as a whole doesn't seem to have improved from second, which was already quite a step down from the original.

The gameplay also has not done anything different or interesting yet, and seems to be selling itself to people haven't heard of or gotten enough of the BP system. Enemies being on the overworld as opposed to random encounters shows they have dropped the player agency over encounter frequency, which is dumb. The battles lack any of the flow the original had, especially when using the battle speed option, as the camera does not present everything very well and changes position often as a result. Overall, I have not enjoyed the bravely default 2 demo and feel it shows nothing but a continued decline in the series that likely should have just been a single game. With the release date being set for sometime this year, I feel there is no chance any amount of player feedback could save the game or even begin to pull it in the right direction, as it seems to be fundamentally flawed with an inescapable feeling of shovelware.

SO WHAT? Basically, all I wanted to say here is that the original bravely default is a very unique experience I think every RPG fan should give a good chance (and just do all the optional stuff during the "repetitive" part of the game, it's where all the best content is you bozo) and that the sequels are NOT the same experience. I guess it's kind of mean to just say "hey don't buy or like this new thing cus its not like the old thing" but people should know why there's a bravely default 2 in the first place, and should fight for what made the original great. I worry that BD goes down the same sad path that FF did, becoming a completely hollow, middling series that strayed so far from it's home that a whole new series had to be made to give the fans of the old style a place to go.

Thanks for reading, and hope you got something out of it.

[openmik2]

Middle Earth: Shadow of War- Review

So just recently I've decided to replay through Middle-Earth: Shadow of War. For those of you who don't know Shadow of War is an open world fantasy RPG that is the second installation of the series, using it's popular predecessor, Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor, as the jumping off point. The question is, Is it worth coming back to?In this review I'll be deciding whether or not this game can be considered "precious" or if it's just another big pile of shrakh.

First up let's start with the plot. You play as Talion, A Black Gate guard who is, by all means, dead. Not got your attention yet? How about if I tell you he is sharing a body with an Elf smithy by the name of Celebrimbor which in turn gives you all these magical abilities like dominating creatures and orcs to make them fight for you? Got you now? Good. Essentially the story revolves around you and ol' Celebrimbor trying to take over Mordor to defeat Sauron once and for all with the use of your new ring of power. As far as stories go this one has me hooked from the get go! The story is split into multiple character quests spread across all the regions in the game so you'll definitely have your fill of scenery and Nemesis (we'll get to that later) encounters. One great way this game keeps you on your toes is by introducing new features constantly! You can be 8 hours deep into this game and it can still tell you "oh hey you've got this far so you have the ability to (spoilers) now". It's a great way to keep the game fresh and really feel like you're getting every penny you can out of it. Let's talk about the aforementioned nemesis encounters. One of my favourite things about this game is the unique encounters you can have with orc captains throughout the game. You have the option to hunt them down or alternatively, they can hunt you. Hunting them requires you to find "worms", lesser orcs with information about captains, their strengths and, more importantly, their weaknesses. These "worms" are scattered all over the world and can also be used to send death threats to captains in the hopes of gaining higher levels of loot. Watch out though, not all captain take kindly to being threatened! Captains can appear anywhere at anytime. When you fight a captain and get him to "break" you then have the option to shame him (decreasing his level OR on the rare occasion INCREASING his level and sending him doo lalley, for lack of a better word), Making him one of your own soldiers in your ever growing army against the dark lord or choosing to fight to the death if the orc isn't fond of betraying his current master ( this is also rare but does happen) The great thing about the Nemesis system is that you just don't know what's going to happen. e.g. You could kill an Orc captain only for him to cheat death and to suddenly appear at the worst possibly time (possibly when you're already fighting two other orc captains) to exact revenge upon you OR you could have a favourite orc in your army only for you to turn around and see him standing there with the word BETRAYAL under his name, spouting traitorous words and thirsting for your blood. Honestly lopping his traitorous head off hurt me a lot more than it hurt him... Each Orc is said to be unique and, to be honest, I'm inclined to agree with this quite ambitious statement. Sure there's a few with the same first name but different profession and there are only a finite amount of voice actors in this world but for all intents and purposes each orc has it's own strengths and weaknesses. You'll think you've seen it all but I myself have played this game for about 80 hours now and just the other day I found a new orc captain I had never seen before so keep that in mind when you're playing through! The strategic player will want to play against a captains weaknesses for example If the captain you're hunting happens to be afraid of caragors, it's probably a good bet to run into his settlement with a small pack of them. Then watch him run away squealing.

Onto the gameplay, a fairly important part of video game culture, would you not agree? I'm not the best at summarizing but I reckon I can do it here with just one word. Smooth. If there's one thing Monolith Productions knows, it's how to make a game feel and look dynamic and free flowing. The combat is very well executed (pun intended) with a large skill tree that let's you mix up playstyles to suit your needs. You can mix and match the skills as much as you want until you find the style that suits you best, whether it be stealthy as a church mouse or gung ho like a grizzly bear on steroids. The combat system is the same as the system from the Shadow of Mordor game, with obvious signs of being heavily inspired by Rocksteady's Batman: Arkham series. If you are not familiar with this then let me break it down for you. You hit "X" to slash, "Y" to counter, "B" to stun and "A" to dodge. I personally see nothing wrong with these combat controls although some may deem it a "button mashing" game which y'know... technically all games are so... But I digress. The system works and it works very well. The controls are simple and easy to pick up, whether you're new to the genre or coming back for more it won't be long before you feel like a bonifide badass blademaster. The movement and climbing is also pretty smooth apart from those few times where you mean to climb up one wall but end up leaping backwards into hordes of angry vengeful captains out for your blood. If you've played any of the earlier Assassins Creed games you'll know exactly what I'm talking about, as will your demolished controller.

Let's have a look at the online features. Shadow of War keeps to the old adage "if it aint broke, don't fix it" as you can see by the leaving in of the vendetta side missions from the original Shadow of Mordor. The vendetta missions remain the same as from the original game where you simply are tasked with going after a captain in another players world whom is responsible for killing said player. This rewards you with "vendetta boxes" which contain gear and possibly powerful orc followers so don't miss out! Also who doesn't like a bit of vengeance even if it's on someone else's behalf. The newest addition to the online features is a lot more substantial. Throughout the game you will be tasked to take and hold forts all across Mordor using your fresh army of orcs in the single player. This feature is also used as a new online game mode where you are tasked to attack OTHER players strongholds, facing up against the orcs that THEY have dominated and chosen to protect their fortress. It's super fun to pit your own selection of specially chosen orcs against someone else's and seeing who comes out on top. This feature also awards gear on completion and player attacks on your fort only affect your fortress control after you finish the game so enjoy that while you can.    Another new addition to the series would be the gear; pickups in the form of swords, armour, daggers, bows and (naturally) rings. These range in rarity and power; the rarest and most powerful of which can only be found by defeating legendary orcs and using their weaknesses against them. Each piece of equipment has one slot for you to insert a "gem".  The gems come in different categories e.g. wealth gems, life gems and strength gems. These gems give you bonuses depending on what kind of equipment you use them on. For example, if you use a wealth gem on a weapon, you're more likely to gain loot from your kills whereas if you use a wealth gem on a piece of armour you increase the XP gained from fallen enemies and so on so forth. In summary Middle Earth: Shadow of War is definitely worth an initial playthrough and after your first completion of the game you will no doubt be ready to craft new unique stories between you and the Orc leaders of Mordor in no time! Take my word(s) for it, you'll have a blast! 

 Final Score: 8/10