#also me scrolling through hours of footage to make gifs

[pedropascalito]

Every time I see Pedro onscreen

[witherby]

Mother Hen Hal skit perhaps...? Since you said you are up for writing anything, can i recommend some silly mother hen Hal? :3/nf/silly

Y'know what hell yeah. Hal is Mom, and that's canon now.

Also, it doesn't really make sense for me to use the infant gif for Flittermouse when they inevitably get older. Does this one work for you guys? Let me know. I might fiddle around until I find something suitable.

The Littlest Wayne: Mother Hen

Masterlist is Here!

"Ah-ah! Put it down."

You freeze, one hand curled around the handle of the popsicle you were trying to sneak before dinner.

"I'm not a motion sensor, kid. I can still see you if you're standing still. Put. It. Down. If you want a snack then there's a fruit bowl on the counter."

You huff and put the popsicle back in the freezer, stomping over to the bowl to snatch an orange. "Fine."

"What was that?"

You grimace. "Yes, mama."

Hal narrows his eyes at you and holds out his hand. You approach him from where he's leaning against the doorway and hand the orange over, and he starts to peel it for you.

"Kids these days, gettin' sassier and sassier. Y'know when I was young my dad would pop me on the mouth for backtalk."

"Thank goodness you're not your dad," you say, taking it back and stepping into his shadow to let it pull you into the dark. "Thanks, mama."

"Uh huh," he sighs, but his expression is fond as he watches you disappear. He shakes his head and grabs a banana for himself. "Goofy kid. They should be grateful I found 'em in the act and not Alfred."

--

"Disarm that, please."

Jason glances up at Hal from where he's sitting on his bed, currently taking inventory of his ammo and checking the condition of his guns.

"Uh, 'scuse me?"

"You know your dad's rule. No guns in the house. If you wanna keep it upstairs, you've gotta disassemble it."

"Oh," Jason says, scoffing, "what, like I'm gonna suit up and shoot up the place? I'm an asshole, but I'm not that big an asshole."

"Everyone trusts you, Jaybird," Hal says, "but even the best-maintained guns can misfire. A warped firing pin here, too much gunpowder in a bullet there, a hair trigger —"

"You think I'm running around with shitty equipment like an amateur, Jordan?" Jason sneers and picks up one of his pistols, aiming it at Hal's head. It doesn't have any bullets in it, but fear factor is half of his job. "You think this could go off willy-nilly 'cause I dunno how to take care of my toys? Huh? Just because you're fucking Bruce doesn't mean you get to call any shots in this house —"

A green hammer materializes faster than Jason can blink and smacks the gun from his hand. He hisses flexes his fingers, glaring, only lean back when he suddenly finds Hal glaring down at him less than a foot away from the edge of the bed.

"I'm not playing this game with you, Jason Todd-Wayne," he says. The boy actually feels sweat pooling on the back of his neck. "I have to go pick your brother up from school, and when I come back these guns are either going to be in the cave, or disassembled in your bedroom."

"...yes, ma," Jason mumbles. Hal nods once, gives him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, and leaves the room.

--

Tim doesn't glance up when he hears footsteps descending the cave. He keeps scrolling through the security footage from the most recent bank heist on the batcomputer, trying and failing to figure out exactly what the hell Two-Face would want with that many uncut diamonds. Money tends to play very little factor in his scheme of the week, so why —

"Bed time."

"Crime never sleeps," Tim mumbles, rubbing his burning eyes and reaching for the can of Monster on the desk. Another hand swipes it away first, and he scowls. "I'll head up in, like, an hour." He squints when he thinks he sees a partial blueprint sticking out of Two-Face's pocket. "Like two hours."

"Nuh-uh. The one and only time I fell for that, you stayed awake for another fifty hours before we caught onto you. No more computer tonight."

"And I cracked that case fifty hours faster than I would've if I'd slept."

Hal scruffs Tim, hoisting him into the air by the back of his shirt and turning to go back up the staircase.

"Hal! Okay, I'm serious this time, twenty minutes so I can mark my place and —"

"Bed time," Hal hisses. "It is three in the morning and I have to get up at five. Do not test my patience right now."

"Yes, mom," Tim immediately says, eyes wide. He wants to scan that blueprint, but he wants to avoid getting on a sleep-deprived Hal's bad side even more. "Bed time."

Hal nods and carts him off to his room, tucking Tim in and giving him a pointed goodnight before leaving.

--

Dick knows better than to fight Hal when he puts his foot down for something. Bruce he can gradually wheedle into submission, especially if he calls him Dad and gives him big puppy eyes, but Hal is a demon and seemingly immune to all forms of sucking up.

So when he slips out of his window and into the garden, trying to sneak away to go back to Blüdhaven, he runs into Hal and immediately turns back around.

"Smart move. Get back in bed and I'll have Alfred make sure you didn't pop your stitches crawling down the wall like an idiot just now."

"Yes, mum. Sorry, mum."

--

"Damian Al-Ghul-Wayne!"

"Oh, fuck."

Nothing but ice-cold dread zips up and down that boy's spine. He darts out of his room and down the stairs, running from room to room until he finds Hal standing in the vestibule with blood at his feet and a nasty snake bite on his arm. The culprit is trapped in a constructed box several feet away.

"Is it venomous." Hal asks, tone flat.

"No, Mother," Damian says, standing at attention directly in front of him. He keeps his hands in his pockets to stop them from trembling.

"Is there more than one."

"No, Mother."

"Will you have it re-homed by tomorrow."

"Yes, Mother."

"Are you going to start asking for permission before bringing more animals home."

"..."

"Damian."

"Yes, Mother."

Hal steps forward with his good hand and gently cups Damian's cheek.

"Do you understand why I'm upset?" He asks, gentler. Damian nods. "Okay. All I'll say is that I'm glad it was me this happened to, and not any of your siblings. I think you really would've frightened Mouse if they got bit."

Damian's eyes widen briefly, not having considered such a consequence. He stiffens and avoids eye contact.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles. Hal opens his arms and Damian goes in easily for the offered hug. "I'll get rid of Piper tonight."

"Good. I'm sorry you can't keep her, pal, but it's too dangerous to let it roam the grounds like that. Plus, this bite really smarts. If you're hell-bent on a snake, maybe you can get a small one in, like, a month for your birthday. Real small. Like a hog-nose. Or a corn snake."

"Fine," Damian mumbles, but the tension bleeds out of his shoulders. "I'll fetch the first aid kit for you."

"Thanks, 'ppreciate it."

--

"Oh, dearest husband of mine."

Bruce maintains a front of stoic calm, unmoving and unaffected by the saccharine pitch of Hal's voice. He continues stitching himself up in the batcave's med room and doesn't look up when a pair of green boots enters his periphery.

"Can you answer a question for me?"

"Yeah, shoot," Bruce says, proud that his voice didn't waver.

"What's the thermal rating on the latest iteration of your suit?"

Bruce glances at the jar of burn cream he hasn't cracked open yet to treat the massive wound on his side. A bead of sweat forms on his temple.

"It's —"

"Is it high enough to withstand a condensed, point-blank blast directly from the sun?"

He doesn't respond. Bruce finishes his stitch job and ties it off, then reaches over for the jar. Hal snatches it.

"Answer the question, Wayne."

Bruce swallows thickly. "No. It's not thermally rated high enough to withstand a condensed blast as powerful as the sun, obviously."

"Obvi — oh. Okay, it was obvious. I'm glad it was obvious. That's fantastic. I just have a follow-up question, then."

The jar creaks in Hal's grip. His free hand is clenched in a tight fist.

"If you knew your suit wasn't sturdy enough to take a blast like that, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU STEP IN FRONT OF IT!?"

Bruce clears his throat. "It was going to hit you, and you weren't watching your six."

"I AM ENCASED IN A MAGIC GLOWING SUIT MADE OF WILLPOWER, BRUCE. I WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE. YOU'RE RUNNING AROUND IN LEATHER AND KEVLAR."

Bruce slides off the table, lifting his hands in a placating gesture. A pair of green arms hook him under his armpits and heave him back onto it with a not-so-gentle thud, and he winces when it aggravates his injury. "Hal, stop shouting. I already have Tinnitus and this isn't helping."

"Oh, your poor ears," Hal coos, stepping between Bruce's legs. He sets the jar down and gingerly cups Bruce's ears, pouting. "I'll speak softly so I don't cause you further pain. Y'know, like the massive fucking burn in your side from GETTING BLASTED BY A SUN RAY."

"I'm not going to apologize!"

Hal snaps his mouth shut, glaring at Bruce. "What."

"I'm not going to apologize for protecting you." Bruce's hands cover Hal's. He brings them down to his lap, interlacing their fingers and squeezing tightly. "It's very statistically probable I'm going to do it again, as a matter of fact. And I'll keep doing it as long as I think you need to be protected."

He thumbs over the golden band on Hal's left hand, and the edge of the Green Lantern ring on his right.

"Because that's what I promised you when we got married. That as long as I have a body that moves, and lungs that breathe air, and a mind that can think, I will move and breathe and think in whatever way guarantees your health and happiness."

"Collecting battle scars like bottle pops doesn't make me happy, Bruce," Hal murmurs. "One day I'm gonna check my six and find you on the ground like I did today, and one day you're not gonna get back up again."

"That's the risk we take every time we suit up," Bruce sighs. "People in our line of work seldom make it to retirement age, love."

Hal lifts his hands to cup the back of Bruce's head and draw him into a kiss. There's a subtle tremble in his body that Bruce does his best to soothe with pliant lips and a skilled tongue.

"I'm going to help you with the burn," Hal mumbles against his lips, "then we're going upstairs for movie night, and I'm picking this time. And by then, maybe I'll have decided if you get to sleep in our bed or on the couch tonight."

"Yes, mom," Bruce mutters back, grinning. He hisses when Hal flicks his wound. "Sorry."

[sleepy-dreamers-inc]

Being Exiled with Tommy Headcannons!|| 🥀

irl/ in-game

Genre| angst + comfort

h e a d c a n n o n s||

Sypnosis|

Both you and Tommy ended up getting exiled together.

Artist| OliverSonder on twitter!!

Warnings] mentions of manipulation, character death, spoilers for Tommy’s Exile Arc and the Season 2 finale!!

[can be seen as both platonic or romantic!!]

||gender neutral reader!!||

(also this was not grammar checked and im to lazy to watch through hours of footage so if anything in here is wrong blame it on the DSMP Wiki OKAY LETS GO-)

So i think its pretty established that if you end up getting exiled with Tommy your one of two things.

- Really sweet and loyal friend that will stick up for in-justice and be there when someone needs you the most

Or

- A total fucking gremlin that will steal your kneecaps and toes and eat your shower curtains in the middle of the night.

There is no inbetween here you guys.

I did end up going for Reader A, though. But you guys tell me if you want headcannons for a gremlin!reader because i will gladly do that!!

But anyways just... enjoy exile!

Exile|

- It was about his third day in exile when Y/N appeared through the nether portal, bags, pouches, tools, armor, etc. on their person. Tommy thought they either were here to beat him up or got exiled themselves.

- Tommy was pleasantly surprised when he learned that Y/N was actually there on their own accord, helping him through exile and being his shoulder to lean on. The first few days we’re rough, fighting back mobs in the night and farming crops all day. His clothes we’re starting to get dirty and torn by the time Y/N got there.

- Y/N ended up making a little bunker about 30 blocks from where they’re tent was, where they hid all theirs and Tommy’s valuables, such as armor, diamonds & iron, and rations. Although Y/N never gave into Dream and gave him they’re stuff, Y/N simply refused, they wouldn’t be giving in that easily.

- Most of they’re days are spent in caves mining away, chatting and fighting off Creeper’s as they tried to keep the moral high, always keeping Tommy company. Y/N never let him go anywhere alone, they we’re always with him, like his own bodyguard of sorts.

- One time they both find a Mineshaft though and got lost, they ended up at the surface two dayd later with torn clothes, cuts and bruises and we’re in bad shape. Thankfully Y/N had a brewing stand at they’re camp though, so Healing Potions we’re semi-easy to make/get.

- After the duo end up going to the artic though... things got... weird.

- Techno was not expecting to open his door to find the heathen Tommy and sweetheart Y/N at his doorstep shivering and begging to come inside, bags thrown on they’re shoulders as they teeth chattered from the cold wind and snow.

- Whenever Dream comes to visit Y/N always has to hide with Tommy, reassuring him that its okay and they’ll always be there for him, and protect him at any cost, which he highly appreciates.

- The ‘gapple-eating’ thing Tommy did was a cute, yet depressing thing. Seeing him hasitly munching on golden-coated apples was funny and caused giggles, but the meaning behind it always left Y/N with a lump in their throat and a hole in their heart.

- Whenever Tommy is in danger and calls for Dream, Y/N always has to stop him and bring him back to reality, making Tommy realize Dream isnt his friend, and never was. Many nights have happened where the two talk about Tommy’s feelings with Dream, not only for Tommy to vent and let everything out, but also for Y/N to understand whats going on in his head.

- When going into the Nether Tommy always grips Y/N’s hand, as his fear of lava and heights consumes him whole in that firey dimension.

- When Tommy gets up close to Dream in the cabin? Y/N is scared spineless, if people could see them, they’d see the palest, most terrified and worried being on earth.

- Y/N having a heart attack when Ghostbur slips up

- Ghostbur is just a whole thing and just. Y/N needs a break, okay?

- Y/N begrudgingly helping Tommy build his cobblestone tower outside of Techno’s cabin.

- Y/N apologizing soon after to Techno only for him to laugh and ruffle Y/N’s hair, saying he knows how Tommy can get anyone to any situation.

- Very rarely does Y/N ever leave Tommy’s side, when they do its usually to get supplies or visit they’re friends. So when Y/N was walking back to the Nether portal to see Tommy, Techno and Dream all standing there, looking like they’re about to slit the others throat, well...

- Nobody has ever seen Y/N drop kick a person so fast.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Y/N yelled, they’re sword at Dream’s neck, as he laid on his back, his mask covering his shocked expression.

“Answer. Me.” Y/N gritted through their teeth, pushing their swordfurther against the masked mans throat. Techno soon chimed in, reassuring Y/N that nothing to terrible happened.

“It’s fine, Y/N. He didn’t do anything, why not we head back home? Wouldn’t want that homeless man to be to scared spineless, eh?” Techno said, hand on they’re shoulder as he looked Y/N in the eyes.

The 3 walked back to the Nether portal, purple mist engulfing Tommy and Techno as Y/N stood in front of the portal. Back turned towards Dream, Y/N shifted they’re head and glared at Dream with eyes that could kill.

“Don’t do anything you might regret, you megalomaniac.”

- When Tommy and Tubbo decide to go fight Dream, Y/N is both excited and scared. They hope Dream will finally be taken down, but they dont want Tommy (& Tubbo) to be taken down as well.

- So like any amazing best friend, Y/N brews up a bunch of potions of Strength, Healing + Regen, Invisibility and more. Even if Tommy thought he was going to be walking out of there alone, he wasn’t going to be. Y/N would make sure.

- Y/N watched from afar as Tommy got his disc out of the jukebox, laughing in success. All Y/N did was clap quietly, making sure they’re Invisibility didn’t wear off. They we’re making sure Tommy stayed safe, even if he didn’t realize it. Y/N loved him with they’re whole heart, and everyone knew that.

- At Dreams secret base, Y/N was just getting there as Tommy took Dreams first canon life.

“Tommy. Stop. Dont do anything you might regret.” Dream snarled, looking at the teenage boy, his blue eyes dull, yet full of passion and vigor.

All Tommy did was pursue forward, as everyone waited for what was to come. Tommy took one step to close though, because Dream had decided that he had enough.

Dream brought his arm into the air, hand curled into a fist, he was about to hurl his hand into Tommy’s face when Dream suddenly fell to the ground, arrow in his forehead.

Dream was shot by Y/N

Y/N stood there, enchanted bow in hand, infront of the nether portal that swirled with an eerie purple mist. Y/N lowered their bow, staring at the man who tortured Tommy for weeks now. Y/N simply stepped forward and towered over Dreams corpse before it disappeared in thin air.

Lets just say Dream wouldn’t be hurting the blonde heathen anytime soon.

a/n: howdy everyone how we doing? Decided to do Tommy x Reader for this post, although i am MAJORLY simping for Wilbur atm and i have brainrot so that’ll most likely be the next post (if i dont do a pt. 2 for this one but even so WILBUR).

Anyways i hope i did racooninnit justice, i have no idea how to do headcannons since half the time i ramble (its the adhd) so this was new for me. Definitely not my strong suit but like you live ya learn. Also, sorry if i left out quite a lot, i might make a fic about this and include more events, but this is really long for headcannons (because of my layout) so i didn’t include to much. I dont want people scrolling for like 20 seconds to go to another post (i write on mobile so undercut is not a thing for me RIP)

Anyways have a lovely day and dont let Tommy eat all your gapples!!

[calypsoff]

Twenty Three. Part 2

I am so happy for my cousin; I am over the moon for her. She has a beautiful daughter, and I am happy for the both of them, but I can’t help but feel that slight hurt for myself. Just processing what could have been for me, what I could have had. We both could have had babies at the same age, I could have had the good news, but I don’t, I just have an empty stomach with this empty feeling, I hate it. I assumed watching a birth in front of me would have made me think, this is not for me. It didn’t, just to see my cousin hold her baby, to see the pure joy. I shed a tear, happiness. But now I am clinging onto my baby Majesty, I love her to pieces. She is so tiny and beautiful “you look like a natural sat in the chair” my auntie said, looking up from Majesty smiling “she is going to know Auntie oh na na, she is going to know I am her second mother. Noella who?” I chuckled “she is lucky to have you cousin, I don’t care” this is what I love about my cousin, she doesn’t actually care. She wants me to be involved but little does she know I am clinging; I am wishing this were me. I wish this were my baby, that I didn’t fuck myself up. I lost my own baby and it hurt; it really does hurt. I can’t wait to just go back to the apartment, have a little cry with Chris and then build myself up to block it out. I have too, I can’t just live like this. I can keep crying and feeling like this, god will bless me. I will have my mini me or even Chris. I want him to be the father of my child, I don’t care. I will get what I want, smiling down at Majesty. She is opening and then closing her eyes “this is the skin to skin action, didn’t y’all know? Noella had this baby for me” my mother shook her head “you need to calm down, baby not yet” pulling a face at my mother “why!? Am I not ready?” I am confused “I just want you to live your life with Chris, have fun. Noella, she different” my mother is something else “but you won’t be happy if I was?” I questioned “over the moon baby, trust me” smiling a little, I knew she would be, she would not be happy to know what happened to me.

Rubbing Majesty’ back, I swear I am going to take over this baby. I need to stop, I may be clinging on too much “post them” I said to Mel, she is posting my Instagram post of Majesty “Robyn, hi mommy. Robyn. Are you done?” Rorrey said, looking up from Majesty “can’t you see I am busy burping my child?” frowning at him “I know but I really need to speak to you, I ain’t even slept, I need to speak to you, like now!?” Rorrey spat, shaking my head “it’s about Chris” my ears perked up “where is he?” that is the question, where the hell is my man “we need to speak about that” holding Majesty close as I got up from the seat “it better not be anything bad Rorrey I will be pissed off” passing Majesty to Noella “your second momma will be back baby” Noella chuckled “you better sort out your brother” Noella is telling me like I won’t beat his ass, where is Chris that is the question “Rorrey you better not have caused issues?” my mother warned him, walking by him and outside. I was hoping to see Chris here outside being shy but no, he’s not here “he went clubbing with you, where is he?” Rorrey shushed me “just keep calm please but what happened was, erm. Chris walked off to the toilet and then the next thing I knew Rakim has a busted lip asking me where he is, he jumped Rakim in the toilets. Rakim snitched and I said just give yourself in because they have camera footage of you coming out of the toilets at that moment, she he is in a cell, but I did not fucking expect him to do that Robyn, I promise. I am not even joking, he did it out of nowhere” closing my eyes slowly as I breathed out “oh god” I said under my breath.

Chris said he would get him, he said he would but no “where is he Rorrey? Seriously!?” I spat “you can’t go there, TSR is all on it Robyn and you can’t be near that” he said “don’t fucking tell me what I can and can’t do, tell me where he is!” I shouted “he is in a holding cell in New York, Robyn. You can’t” walking off and back into the room, I need my phone. I refuse to let Chris go to jail for that, fuck that shit. I couldn’t help him then; I can help him now “what is it?” Mel said knowing how pissed I look, I look so angry because I am. Grabbing my bag “I just need space, Rorrey shut your fucking mouth” storming out of the room, I need him to not speak on what happened. I won’t have my man locked up; I won’t have it. I love him too much; I need him more then ever and he is in there. I am not angry at him because he is just protecting me, but I am angry that he is in there, I want him with me. Dragging open the disabled toilet door, I need some privacy. I need to help him; I need to ring that dickhead Rakim because he can’t do that to him. Opening my bag, shifting through my stuff and getting my phone out. I felt sad seeing my lock screen of Chris and I, I love him so much. Unlocking my phone and going into my phonebook, scrolling down to Rakim and tapping his name. I know he will listen to me, Rakim will. Even if I have to break down and cry I will because this will ruin him, it will ruin his life. I need him with me “hey, you put him up to that?” Rakim said, didn’t even give me a chance “Rakim, listen to me. Just please, if you care for me like you do then please let me speak and listen to me” the line went silent “you are not going to press any charges on Chris, you not going to do it Rakim you know why? Because you and I both know you deserve that I told you that you shouldn’t have touched me the way you did and also you don’t roll like that, you don’t run to the police ok it’s bullshit and you know it” talking about he is a Harlem nigga but he is running to the police “well you worried that your man going to be locked up, I don’t care to be honest, he going to be locked up” I am so desperate “you care about me Rakim you won’t do it! He did it for me, he did it because of me! You gripped me the way you did at the wrong fucking time Rakim” my voice broke “you got to let it go, you let the charges go” I didn’t want to cry but now I am crying “why should I? He fucking bust my lip Rih? The fuck” he retorted “because I went through a miscarriage! I went crazy on you for that butt touch, I lost my fucking baby and I need him with me! Is that what you wanted to hear; I was in pain when you did that!” I half shouted down the phone, the line went ever so silent “Rihanna, wow. I am sorry, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me before?” Rakim is being sincere now, I know him “because it’s my secret, all I know is that” I sniffled “I need him out, he did it out of anger please!” wiping the tears “I am sorry, like really sorry that happened to you. I get it, I am shocked. It makes sense, fine. But he can’t come at me sideways when I didn’t know Rih, I was playing, it wasn’t like that. I swear!” I just want Chris out “he won’t, just don’t do that to him for me” I am a mess right now.

My eyes are so red, I have been crying my fucking eyes out and I can’t hide it because I have no shades “Mel, please. Rorrey please, I don’t need you. I will be back later” walking back “Robyn Rihanna Fenty, you come here right now” I walked off, I do not want to speak to my mother right now. I do not need this, I don’t need her to question me “Monica I will deal with it” overhearing Mel say, I just need to go and get Chris and be over this shit “Robyn, hold up!” Mel spat, pressing the elevator button. Looking behind me, my mother is still staring at me “what happened, why have you been crying?” waving my hand sighing out “Chris attacked Rakim at the club” I said in a whisper “Rakim pressed charges, from the cameras he was the last to leave the toilets or whatever. So I broke down crying, begged Rakim on the phone to not go through with it. I can’t have Chris locked up Mel, I need him so much. I ended up telling Rakim the truth on why he snapped and what happened to me, he feels awful about it and understands now. I just cried, for me. For everything, it sucks” the elevator doors opened “you’re still very emotional, you can’t just go storming the station” stepping onto the elevator “I will, I just. I am feeling emotional anyways, this just topped it off. Everything is just a joke and funny about my life, but I am struggling again, I just want get him and go back, I need him” Mel hugged me, she is always here for me.

Mel decided to go on my behalf inside the station, Rakim gave me his word that he is dropping it but Mel is taking her time, so this is making me so nervous. I just want him out, he doesn’t deserve to be in there when he is just helping me. She has been in there for half hour “come on” I said to myself staring out of the SUV window “yes!” I spat, Chris out. Watching him walk towards the SUV as he folded some paper, he looks so fucking good. My sexy ass man, he looks tired though. My driver got out of the car and opened the door for him “thank you” he got into the SUV “poppa” I didn’t even give him the chance to sit down, I just fell into his arms “don’t ever! I mean ever! Do that again” Chris is half in the car and out “let me get inside the car twin” moving back so he can sit in “they let me go with no charges, apparently he dropped it” Chris sat in the back so Mel could sit in “I am just so happy Chris, to see you. Forget that” grabbing onto his hand “yeah, but I am shocked he dropped it, I love you. You been crying, don’t cry. Hey” that is it, the water works “it’s ok, I am fine. We can talk after but, what he hell. Chris, I told you to leave it. He’s dropped it so don’t ever do that again Chris, I do not want you in jail, I need you with me. You know I need you” Chris nodded his head “he got on my nerves, but I won’t lie, I got scared because I thought oh shit they going to keep me here. Sorry, I stressed y’all” shaking my head “don’t, just don’t do it. Drop it now, ok? I want us to move on” I am so happy to see him “you’re sad Robyn, I am here for you ok? Let it out, when we get back. I am tired too so we can snuggle and sleep, but I can see it in your eyes” he knows me so well, he does and I need a snuggle and a cry.

[euphoricdumpsterfire]

To the Moon and Back (Peter Parker x Stark OC) Chapter 3

Master List

Warnings: Curse words

Word Count: 2218

A/N: Guys, I’m so sorry I know I said I’d post by Friday but I had a lot of schoolwork. But the good news is, THE ORANGE MF LOST! I get to keep the small amount of rights I have as a WOC. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter and have a great day <3

Summary: Spiderman and Moonflower know each other’s identities. Nixie realizes she has a thing for Parker.

“So...” Peter trailed off.

“So...” Nixie did the same thing. Awkwardness filled the air as they both sat on the edge of a building in the middle of the night after they had fought a bunch of bad guys. 

“How’d you find out that... I’m Spiderman?” Peter asked as he looked at the mask that he was holding onto.

“Oh it was actually simple. I saw you in Chemistry mixing up something and I kinda stalked you the whole day-”

“THE WHOLE DAY?!” Peter cut off Nixie and she glared at him for not letting her finish, “Sorry... Uhm continue.”

“So anyways, I saw you lift up that whole row of lockers, and your stash... But of course that wasn’t enough, I stalked you for several days after school and found out where you hide your backpack and put on your suit.” Nixie said.

Peter looked at Nixie with a confused face but he was also impressed that Nixie simply found out about Spiderman in a matter of days. “But why did you do all of this?” Peter asked.

“What specific thing are you talking about?” Nixie replied

“The whole stalking and showing up as Moonflower...” Despite things starting to unravel, Peter still can’t comprehend what exactly was happening. It’s as if he was having a fever dream.

“Oh that! It’s all part of my mission that my dad assigned.” Nixie answered. Peter’s jaw dropped as he finally started putting the pieces together.

“W-wait so you’re telling me... THE Tony Stark sent you here to go look for me?!” Peter exclaimed and Nixie nodded plainly, his heart felt like it jumped off a building. He never expected that a billionaire/superhero would set his eyes on a simple friendly neighborhood Spiderman. But one thing still didn’t make sense to him. “If you’re Moonflower, how come you never told the public like your father?” Peter asked.

“Because then the world would have their eyes on me all the time, and I don’t like that. I’d rather separate Nixie from Moonflower, it makes me feel like Hannah Montana.” Nixie smiled and Peter chuckled at her statement. While they were having a casual conversation, a car slowly drove by the building and stopped. Nixie looked down and realized it was a familiar car. The door opened and a huge man got out wearing sunglasses. “Hey Happy... Isn’t it too dark to be wearing sunglasses right now?” Nixie said cheekily.

“Your dad called TEN times already and I said you were at the grocery buying whatever it is that you need for your period. Now GET DOWN NOW and let’s get you home!” Happy said impatiently.

“Sorry about that, he’s always pissed for no reason.” Nixie said looking at Peter who seemed intimidated by Happy. “Happy, I met Spiderman!” Nixie said looking down. 

“That’s very nice, but we need to go NOW!” Happy exclaimed.

“Geez, alright...” Nixie rolled her eyes as she put on her eye mask and looked back at Peter, “See you tomorrow?” Nixie said.

“Yeah, see ya.” Peter waved goodbye and Nixie used a vine to climb down the building and finally left. Peter looked down as the car drove away making sure his friend traveled safely and then, he went back home.

***

“You should’ve seen it Happy, it was so COOL!” Nixie said as she sat at the back of the car trying to explain what had happened earlier.

“You know what would be cool? If your dad would stop calling because he’s been awfully suspicious of your whereabouts and sooner or later he’ll find out, and we’ll get in trouble and...” Happy continued to talk but Nixie couldn’t focus because she started seeing another vision. This time it was with Peter again but they were at an airport in full suits going against an extremely tall figure the size of two tall buildings stacked together. Nixie couldn’t see it well but it was making her head hurt. 

“Nix? Are you okay? Did you get hurt while fighting those guys?” Happy’s angry tone turned softer as he looked back at Nixie with concern.

“No, it’s alright, I think I’m just tired...” She answered. 

They eventually got back to the Avengers Tower at 11:30 pm. Nixie and Happy hopped on the elevator and got to the top. The doors slid open revealing Tony with his arms crossed. The tv can be heard playing the news as the reporter said, “This just in, Spiderman and Moonflower were caught fighting armed men on a street in Queens. CCTV footage shows Moonflower tying up all of the men next to a stoplight. Thanks to this surprising team-up, our neighborhood is saved once again!” Tony held the remote and turned off the tv as Happy and Nixie got off the elevator.

“Grocery eh?” Tony said looking at Nixie as she held onto the strap of her backpack. 

“I may or may not stumbled upon a serious situation and decided to help out our golden boy.” Nixie suggested with a grin on her face,

“I would suggest celebrating but now’s not the right time...” Tony trailed off as he walked back to the tv and Nixie jumped on the couch.

“Why not? I found Spiderman, so I get to be an Avenger now!” Nixie said confidently.

“Well... It had just dawned on us that the government doesn’t exactly trust us superheroes. Now we have to sign a contract.” Tony said as he handed Nixie an ipad showing the contract. “The huge problem here is that Cap won’t do it.” Nixie scrolled through the multiple pages of the contract and stopped halfway.

“I mean, I get why he won't... This contract basically makes all of you guys government puppets.” Nixie said as she noticed her dad looking more worried as ever.

“That’s not the point Nix, we don’t want innocent people involved in whatever it is that we do. With these accords we can make sure not one civilian gets hurt.” Tony’s usual smug face was gone and it was replaced by anxiousness which Nixie rarely saw. From the action packed news about Moonflower and Spiderman teaming up, the news switched topics on the Sokovia Accords. 

“I’m just gonna head to bed now.” Nixie got up and grabbed her backpack,

“Night Moonie.”

“Night dad.”

Hours have passed, it was now 3 am, and Nixie lied on her bed in complete darkness as the visions kept showing up. “Maybe you should tell your Dr. Banner.” A voice said. She turned to the small succulent that stood on her bedside table, whom she had named Grizelda. 

“For the millionth time, Banner’s not here Griz.” Nixie answered.

“Then what about Peter? He is the one you see in your visions after all…” The plant replied.

“That’s fucking stupid. I can’t just go up to him and say “Hey dude, I’ve been seeing visions of you and me together and it’s kinda weird!”, he’s gonna think I’m into him or something.” Nixie said glaring at the plant.

“Well aren’t you?” The plant retorted.

“JUST SHUT UP!” Nixie exclaimed as she covered her ears with the large pillow beside her and ignored her plant friend. After that quick banter, Nixie spent a sleepless night, rolling back and forth trying to fall asleep, from white noise, to sleeping pills, none worked. She wanted the visions to stop but it seemed like it could go on forever until she died. Then came the morning. FRIDAY turned on the lights and opened the curtains revealing the bright sun that hit Nixie’s tired face. She sighed and got up from her bed, she did her usual routine and headed to the kitchen where she only saw Natasha.

“Had nightmares kid?” Natasha asked without looking up at Nixie who was walking sluggishly to the dining table.

“Not necessarily.” Nixie replied as she sat down and poured herself a bowl of cereal.

“Saw what you did last night with Spiderman, how was it?” Nat asked,

“Turns out I was right, Spiderman’s Peter Parker.” Nixie shoved a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

“The Star Wars dude?!” Nat exclaimed, she wasn’t totally surprised that Nixie’s hunch was right, but hearing the kid from her stories, he seemed like he would just be stuck in the lab making experiments or just plainly binge-watching every single Star Wars film there is and not the type to go out at night fighting crime. But of course, some people are just plainly good at hiding their powers. 

“Nat, when do you think Banner’s gonna come back?” Nixie asked

“I-I don’t know. I’m not even sure if he’ll ever come back after what happened in Sokovia.” Nat’s face turned gloomy at the thought of him. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“Kid, don’t worry. I know you miss him, we all do.” Nat’s eyes started to tear up.

“But not as much as you.” Nixie felt bad she had ever brought up Banner, but with whatever she had going on, she had wished he was here.

Later that day, Nixie was in chemistry sitting next to MJ. She was listening to the lecture intently while taking notes but then she felt something hit the back of her head. She looked around and saw a paper airplane that had a small note on one of its wings that said “open”. Nixie unfolded the paper airplane and inside was another note written down. 

Wanna go on patrol tonight?

She looked behind her where she saw Peter looking at her with bright eyes, hoping she’d agree. “Fine, but only until 9:30.” Nixie whispered loudly.

“11?” Peter pleaded,

“9:30.” 

“10:30?” Peter suggested again,

“Ugh, 10, take it or leave it!” Nixie said and Peter had a huge grin on his face as a sign of approval.

“DEAL!” Peter whispered loudly.

Nixie turned back to face the board but she noticed from her peripheral vision that MJ was looking at her. “Are you and Peter…” before MJ could even finish her sentence, Nixie immediately replied.

“No. NO! Definitely not. It’s just that we’re volunteering at a retirement center in Manhattan.” 

“I would ask if I can go, but talking to old people isn’t really my thing.” MJ said which made Nixie feel more relieved. 

***

It was 9:50 pm, there weren’t really any extremely dangerous situations for Moonflower and Spiderman to stop. The most they did was help a bunch of kindergartners walk across the street, stopped a guy from peeing on the sidewalk, and returned a lost cat to its original owner. As for the rest of their remaining time, they sat on the edge of the same building once again, talking, laughing, and getting to know each other.

“Wait, so you’re telling me Flash Thompson got kicked out of your preparatory school?!” Peter exclaimed,

“Yup, he was caught cheating several times and I was outside for cheer practice when the whole team heard his mom yell at him.” Nixie said and Peter laughed so hard he almost fell off the building, luckily for him, Nixie caught him right away. “Dude you need to chill.” Nixie laughed.

“I never really asked you about it, but how’d you get your powers?” Peter asked.

“It kinda just… Showed up. I was 11 and I was in Washington with Pepper when I just found out I can literally just make a plant grow out of nowhere. My dad and Dr. Banner eventually found out that I’m a mutant.” Nixie answered.

“Is there anything else you can do besides the whole plant thing?” Peter asked,

“It only happened once and it was during one of Banner’s tests, I was sitting in a small clear box and I sat there for hours until I started to have trouble breathing… I wanted to get out but Banner left to go to the toilet. It felt like every second my lungs were getting tighter and tighter and it was getting hard for me to breathe. I used up all my strength and then suddenly the blonde streaks on my hair glowed and I blacked out. Once I woke up, Banner told me that everyone heard a loud explosion from the lab but when they got there, the box was gone and the floor was just covered in moonflower petals.” Nixie replied,

“So that’s where you got the name!” Peter said and Nixie hummed in agreement. Nixie looked over at her watch and realized it was time for her to go.

“Welp, that’s all the time I’ve got for today. Gotta go now.” She said as she got up.

“Nix, is this gonna be a regular thing now?” Peter looked at Nixie with his doey eyes and she couldn’t help but melt at the sight of it. It was a weird feeling she had, she couldn’t comprehend it, but she liked it. She smiled at her friend and nodded. 

“Sure Spidey.” She said, 

“That’s great!” Peter exclaimed, “I guess I’ll uh… See you tomorrow, partner!” He waved goodbye and swung through building by building. Nixie looked at him from afar as she still tried to comprehend what she was feeling. 

“Looks like she has a thing for the human bug.” She heard whispers from the nearby plants, she rolled her eyes and ignored what the plants were saying and headed home...

[ducktracy]

159. she was an acrobat's daughter (1937)

release date: april 10th, 1937

series: merrie melodies

director: friz freleng

starring: mel blanc (dole promise, who dehr, heddie camphor, hippo, stickoutski, donkey, leslie howard, duck, father duck, angry moviegoers)

mel blanc’s roles are growing increasingly larger and larger, as they should be! not only is this a popular motif used in cartoons (such as being sung by daffy in daffy doodles), footage from the cartoon itself has been reused. bob clampett and art davis’ bacall to arms uses a hefty amount of footage from this cartoon, but for good reason. it’s a turning point for freleng for sure as we observe parodies of news reels, songs, movies, and more.

the title song is underscored as we iris in and pan down to the outside of a movie theater, advertising 36 HOURS TO KILL WITH HIS BROTHER’S WIFE (intentionally read as one single title). pan over to the other side: 15 FEATURES 15¢ -- ALSO REJECTED SHORTS (a pun on selected shorts). i believe this gag was in buddy’s theatre as well. inside, reused in bacall to arms, a lone moviegoer gets up and switches his seat. another decides to do the same, and then another, and soon enough the interior of the theater is whipped into a frenzy as everyone scrambles to change seats. a very funny gag with succinct timing. i don’t like comparing everything to tex avery, because friz has just as much talent as tex and i feel like i’m holding tex up as the Ultimate way to do animation, but this gag certainly does feel like an averyism. 

one of the many WARMER BROS. puns that we will be seeing in many a short (i believe debuted with hollywood capers? though it could have been from one of the bosko or buddy shorts too) as we open to the beginning of the show, a screen flashing WARMER BROS PRESENTS -- GOOFY-TONE NEWS -- SEES ALL-KNOWS NOTHING. the “sees all - knows nothing” is a take on “sees all, hears all, knows all”, from fox’s movietone news reels back in the day. the puns just keep on coming! 

a caricature of movietone news reporter lowell thomas, caricature design courtesy of t. hee, opens us up, billed as dole promise instead. mel blanc provides the vocals as dole announces “good evening, folks. this is, uh...” he pauses, forgetting his own name. the gag is wonderfully structured, as he has a nameplate and a sign posted on his desk, as well as his name posted in big letters right on the screen, yet he still squints at his script with the most analytical, stupefied concentration he can muster. the offscreen whisper of “dole promise!” is just the cherry on top. “oh yeah. this is dole promise, bringing you the latest news events of the day.”

the first news reel: U.S. BUILDS LONGEST LINER IN SHIP BUILDING RACE. wonderful timing (and a neat overhead layout!) as we see the longest liner in person: an extremely elongated ship right in the middle of new york and london. the ship inches forward to london, and then back to new york, and then we cut away to the next order of business. next: FLASH! SPECIAL! heddie camphor (a take on eddie cantor, of course) finds “little oscar”, vitamin (a take on vitaphone) newsreel man gets exclusive interview with oscar. we see a little bug next to a purse (that has the initials of JW on them, jack warner of warner bros fame) and hear mel blanc talking in a russian accent. “ahh, dere you are! tell us, oscar, how does feel for to be back home after being lost for such long time?” the little bug rambles on in high pitched, nonsensical garbles. “oh, thank you very much, oscar! how you like that? he say he would rather be lost!” i haven’t found anything as to what the gag means, so unfortunately the meaning has been lost to the sands of time. but, if anything, it’s amusing hearing mel do one of the voices we’ll be hearing so often in many cartoons.

what is it with movie-centric cartoons and hitler? bosko’s picture show in 1933 was the first cartoon of any studio to ever depict a caricature of hitler, and now we have a gag where a man is invited to sit in the last seat in the row. unfortunately, his view is seldom ideal: we see some rather impressive perspective and animation as hitler on screen marches forward, eventually disappearing into nothingness because the moviegoer can’t see anything. aggravated, he moves a few seats down, right in the front row and in the middle. i believe this is bob mckimson animation--this scene would be reused two years later in the film fan, with porky in place of the dog trying to crane his neck to see animation of a jockey riding on the horse. the warped perspective is quite impressive and does a good job of hitting home. we’ve all been there, stuck in the front row and trying to see what’s happening. nevertheless, the dog begrudgingly accepts his fate, forever doomed to view the news reel at inadequate angles.

also reused in bacall to arms is a gag of a hippo trying to get out of the row, proving to be a nuisance in the process. he’s a polite nuisance, at least, repeating “pardon. pardon me. pardon.” as he bulldozes his way through. tex avery would also lampoon overweight hippo moviegoers in his hamateur night in 1939. 

time for the birth of a caricature! we have our first caricature of vaudevillain lew lehr (penned as who dehr in this case), whose catchphrase “monkeys is da cwaziest peoples!” would be lampooned in many, many, many, MANY warner bros cartoons (especially bob clampett cartoons: porky in egypt, porky’s snooze reel, russian rhapsody, and so forth). here, he opens us up with nit-wit news. “ladies and peoples, listen while explaining you the latest news of da day.” the napoleon hat/garb in general is a nice touch, often used to symbolize insanity (like porky suffering here from the “desert madness”). 

lehr (or in this case dehr) narrates the malady of a strange dog bite affecting the city of “boondoggle”, mo. that strange malady has turned the citizens of boondoggle into boonDOGS as everyone runs around on all fours. “look at dat! even da mayor leads a dog’s life in boondoggle!” the mayor, digging a hole, comes across a dog and growls (i love the detail of his sideburns raising like a dog’s ears in defense), both him and the actual dog engaging in a tussle. the brushing on the fight is very well done for this time period, feeling like a precursor to drybrushing which would be so prevalent in so many cartoons. the mayor wins the fight, running away with a bone in his mouth. elsewhere,  BOONDOOGLE'S LEADING SOCIETY MATRON IS LATEST VICTIM OF SCOURGE. amusing animation and narration by blanc/dehr as a woman sits on a pillow, panting like a dog, eagerly running up to her butler and eating a piece of steak thrown at her. dehr wraps up the presentation, he himself getting a taste of the scourge as one of the affected residents crawls onscreen and bites dehr right in the leg. nonsensical? absolutely. but it’s the GOOD kind of nonsensical. the use of black and white is a nice touch with this being a technicolor cartoon. many of the other news reel cartoons have been/are in black and white, so the mixing of technicolor and B&W really adds some authenticity.

“boulevardier from the bronx” seems to be a theme for slow, lumbering characters as the lumbering hippo makes his return, squeezing himself through an angry row of patrons while he dismissively pardons himself. he sits himself down just in time to see “STICKOUTSKI at the fertilizer”. a lion caricature of leopold stokowski invites the moviegoers to a rousing chorus of “she was an acrobat’s daughter”--not unlike bosko getting his own audience to sing in bosko’s picture show. the song is very catchy, the slideshow visuals equally as entertaining as the lyrics. i especially love the gag where one picture, not a part of the slideshow, reads “please do not spit on the floor”, yet the patrons sing it in tune regardless, then correcting themselves and singing the next verse in the same tune. a hilarious gag with great timing. a short merrie melody for sure, but a good one at that.

next is a parody of the MGM lion, crowing like a rooster instead of doing its signature roar. the film is “petrified florist, a take on “petrified forest” (which would be used as a gag in book revue). after an interminable cast scroll through (reused in bacall to arms), we see the star of the film, a caricature of leslie howard unsuccessfully hitchhiking, tying his thumb to a railroad crossing sign, making the light swing. while the film is playing, a random donkey decides to peddle peanuts, crackerjack, chewing gum (with an underscore of “puddin’ head jones”, a favorite of mine). the donkey is booted out of the theater, hitting his head on a streetlight and still repeating his peauts, crackerjack, chewing gum mantra in a daze. a little incongruous and random, but there are some interesting angles and closeups as the donkey walks straight towards the audience.

back to the film, the leslie howard caricature summons a bette davis cariature (again, caricatures by t. hee), demanding some food. bette flirts with him, smitten. “what’s your name?” “puddin tame. ask me again, and i'll tell you the same.” “are you a poet?” “after a fashion. “ooh, i love poetry!” “would you like me to recite?” “no.” even better than the “no” gag is howard struggling to recite mary had a little lamb regardless. “mary lad a little hamb. mary mad a little amb. mary had... oh, she had a goat.” while leslie struggles to retell the story, bette sighs, completely enamored.

a very interesting discovery, at least for me: i always wondered why in some porky cartoons, porky had a little white duck sidekick (not daffy) who was a pest. mainly a 1939 phenomenon: i’ve only spotted him in it’s an ill wind and porky’s hotel. his name is either dizzy or dippy duck, i can’t remember. but i always wondered why he was porky’s sidekick when daffy was getting to be established as porky’s sidekick at the same time. turns out THIS dizzy/dippy duck’s first appearance, or at least a prototype. here, he pesters his dad, barraging him with questions. “why, daddy? why did the man look at her like that, daddy? why, daddy? does he like her, daddy? does he like the lady, daddy?” and so on. while the dad furiously attempts to hush his kid, his efforts are futile. the duck is only silenced once the entire row in front of him turns back to shoot him down with glares. that is, until the duck starts rambling again, asking a bunch of obnoxious questions. i love this in particular, for i can relate--weird anecdote, but my mom said the first movie she took me to i started walking up and down the aisles and chatting up strangers. so i like this kid! even better is when the angry front row shushes him once more with angry “NYEHHHH!”s. now, the father speaks up in a w.c. fields voice. “heyyy, what’s going on?” a punch to the face from an offscreen fist.

the kid, not getting the memo, pesters his dad once more, who shooes him away. now, the kid darts out of the theater and up to the projection booth. i love the animation of the kid turning his head in wonderment, staring at the door (bob mckimson maybe? it’s pretty solid and constructed). he barges in, fiddling with the controls. he turns a lever from MED. to FAST, and the movie is sped up to frightening speeds. the kid panics, trying to fix his error, but to no avail. now, the movie plays backwards. the animation is quite good--skipping and jumping around, but still room for there to be inbetweens of SOME sort. i can only imagine trying to sort those frames out in the (in)correct order! it’s easy to mess up, but hard to mess up on purpose!

now desperate, the kid sticks his beak inside the projection camera, where it gets caught. in a similar (yet less gruesome/strange) manner to baby bottleneck, the kid gets caught in the gears, his body twisting up and down and around, feathers expelled into the air. iris out as the kid flops to the ground, unscathed, cursing as his body is covered in film.

this cartoon is a GREAT one, probably the best we’ve seen from friz. or, at the very least, the funniest. it’s so ahead of it’s time--so much so that it was reused in chunks in bacall to arms in 1946, which proved to be quite anachronistic. you have the conflicting styles of clampett/davis (mainly clampett, this is probably the most clampett-y short in terms of looks out of the ones he didn’t finish) from 1946, and the simplistic 1937 friz style. that’s QUITE a contrast, but that tells you how well the humor holds up. i’m really fascinated by the dizzy/dippy prototype. in all likelihood, it was just a one off character. friz didn’t sit down thinking this would be his next star (our next review will cover talkative, famous ducks ;)), but he is VERY similar to the duck used in hardaway/dalton’s it’s an ill wind and later clampett’s duck used in porky’s hotel. i believe mel does almost all the voices, save for bette davis. i don’t believe the w.c. fields voice provided by the father duck is tedd pierce. it’s very exciting to see him climb up the ranks--next cartoon, he gets to voice our favorite pig (and duck!) in all, this is a hilarious cartoon. some of the gags are a little (or a lot) dated, often skewing the joke--i wish i knew what the meaning behind the little oscar joke was--but it wasn’t a constant thing. the song number was hilarious (i love the “please do not spit on the floor” gag) and catchy, the animation was good, the caricatures were lovely... while there are many more funny cartoons than this one, in terms of this time period and comparing it to what friz has churned out up to this point, it’s probably his funniest one yet, and that in itself constitutes a watch. it’s definitely the funniest news reel cartoon we’ve seen so far. go for it!

link!

[merinnan]

[Transcript:

Hello, I'm a lazy Millennial.

In other words, I'm from a generation that has worked more hours for less money than any generation before me, but occasionally I eat a granola bar for breakfast instead of pouring myself a bowl of cereal. According to some, including many writers of online thinkpieces, that's enough to make me 'lazy'. But the problem isn't me, or young people in general, or any group that's historically been decried for its idleness. Like Millennials, groups that are called 'lazy' are often the hardest-working people around. They're just subject to ableism, racism, classism, and other bigotry that codes exploitation or exhaustion as 'unwillingness to work'.

I myself have had a very confusing relationship with 'laziness' from a young age, often being called 'lazy' for enjoying reading and video games by the same parents who praised me for always getting my homework done on time. Needless to say, I became rather confused about the quality of my work ethic. Was I lazy or not? In my teens, I developed an anxiety disorder and a perfectionism that made academic shirking impossible, but the constant state of worry disrupted my sleep and left me so exhausted that I would often come home from school and go straight to bed for a nap. Sometimes, all I could do was lay in bed, awake, ruminating on everything I could possibly worry about. But because I was in bed, this was called 'laziness'.

In adulthood, I encountered yet more inconsistancies about what it meant to be 'lazy'. Like many young adults, I started out working in the food and customer service industries, before I eventually got a job as a content writer for a digital marketing company.

I worked so little at that office job, I couldn't believe it. I could spend multiple hours each day scrolling through Tumblr or playing on social media. My 'work' time involved reading articles vaguely related to my work - mostly because there wasn't much work for me to do. Compared to being on my feet all day, being expected to work every moment on the clock, it was nothing.

I worked three times as hard at my food and customer service jobs as I did at any of my digital marketing positions. And yet contemptuous thinkpiecers keep on describing people who work in those industries as 'lazy'. Why don't you get a REAL job? Like reading Tumblr while sitting at a desk, instead of busting your ass at McDonald's.

According to Dr Alison Munoff, a licensed clinical psychologist, 'laziness' is nothing more than a value judgement.

"'Laziness' is not a personality trait, it is simply a matter of a lack of proper motivation and reinforcement, as it is a behavioural pattern rather than a part of who we are," says Dr Munoff.

"The ability to actively approach a task in a time-effective manner changes depending on the task and its value in our lives. For example, in a situation of obtaining limited resources, people find themselves quite motivated and resourceful, meaning that this task is simply a priority based on its value and necessity, and has little to do with someone's personality. Unfortunately I find that when asked about the first time people were told they were being 'lazy', it was from a parent or caregiver who was unsuccessfully attempting to motivate the child without a good understanding of the way this idea would be carried forward."

In nature, animals spend a lot of their time being idle. Most of the footage shot of big cats like lions are of them lazing around. Part of this is because many of them are nocturnal, but it's also because animals will hunt, forage, and eat until they're full, and then most of the rest of their time is spend conserving energy. Laying around doing pretty much nothing is completely natural. It's adaptive. Yet laziness has this negative connotation in many human societies. And that negative connotation is often deployed in ableist, racist, and classist ways. Basically every race of colour has been called 'lazy' by white people in the U.S. at one time of another. This is completely absurd considering the fact that people of colour built this nation with their bare hands. From the Chinese immigrants building our railroads to our entire economy being built on the backs of black slaves, the United States owes everything to exploited, underpaid, and incredibly hard-working people of colour.

Today, we can all enjoy reasonably priced produce thanks to the many exploited Latin undocumented immigrant workers picking our fruit and vegetables - labour that is so intensive that we 'non-lazy' white people simply can't handle it. And let's not forget that all of this land was stolen from the Indigenous tribes that were here before we floated over and laid claim to it all. Isn't stealing other people's hard work supposed to be lazy?

Or is it just that it's easier to call people lazy than admit taht you exploited them?

Even if you're not racist, you've probably used the idea of laziness in a way that hurts a lot of people. I still struggle with an anxiety disorder and go through bouts of depression, and a lot of what's involved in these mental illnesses looks like what people call 'laziness'. Depression saps your energy and makes everything seem pointless. Anxiety is paralysing, making even some of the simplest tasks (like calling people on the phone) seem daunting, so I avoid them.

People with physical illness and disability are also prone to being accused of laziness, especially if that illness of disability is not visible to others. There are people who are nearly constantly in pain or constantly fatigued, but you would never know by looking at them. These individuals work much harder than able-bodied and 'healthy' people. Not only do they often have to work to survive because disability payments (if they can get them) are not nearly enough, they have to navigate a world that caters to able-bodied people, and they have to navigate that world while their bodies work against them. But article after article decries the 'laziness' of people who use motorised carts or take elevators up one floor instead of using the stairs, not for a second thinking that there are people who wouldn't be able to shop of go up floors at all without these 'conveniences'. It's not just articles, either. Politicians demonise people who are too sick or disabled to work, calling them 'lazy' as justification for taking away the meagre allowance our government gives them - which is not enough to live on, let alone cover medical bills. That ableism intersects with classism, with people assuming that those living in poverty or on welfare must be too lazy to go to school or get a better job. Racism shows its face here, as well, particularly in the myth of the 'welfare queen'. And the hatred leveled at fat individuals under the guise of thinking them 'lazy' can be very intense.

It’s easier to think of someone as “lazy” than to face the fact that school costs too much, that better jobs are inaccessible, that childcare is unaffordable, that people are forced to work so hard for so little that there’s no way they could have enough energy to attempt schooling or finding better work, and that what we give to people who can’t work is insufficient to the point of being shameful. I could say that calling people lazy is, in itself, lazy, but it’s not just an intellectual shortcut. It’s a defense mechanism.

It’s easier to think of someone as “lazy” than to face the fact that school costs too much, that better jobs are inaccessible, that childcare is unaffordable, that people are forced to work so hard for so little that there’s no way they could have enough energy to attempt schooling or finding better work, and that what we give to people who can’t work is insufficient to the point of being shameful. I could say that calling people lazy is, in itself, lazy, but it’s not just an intellectual shortcut. It’s a defense mechanism.

[splashmommy]

Covid Diary 1

Hello from six feet away! It’s me, Abigail Gardner your Quarantine Queen, stay at home hostess with the mostest yadda yadda yadda. Yes that was quite an entrance, am I trying too hard? Likely. That’s actually why I’m here with you today- because I’ve been trying so god-dang hard to be Gal Gadot; pregnant-while-still-filming-Wonder Woman somehow just defying natural law and seeming perfect all the time in spite of obstacles. Haha I hope that didn’t sound spiteful. I am not Gal Gadot, and she isn’t even Wonder Woman! In fact, get this- nobody is! I’m finally starting to realize that. Honestly the real reason Diana Prince must be on my brain right now is because of the video she and some other big A-list celebrities put out of them singing John Lennon Imagine all from their quarantined homes. I think that video was supposed to make these celebrities seem vulnerable and relatable but it had the opposite effect. We all got to see inside their mansions from our iphone screens sitting on our mattresses in our tiny cluttered living rooms and we hated them. We probably were just hating ourselves but it felt good to direct it at Gal Gadot for a few minutes. And by “we” I mean “me” obviously I am good at projecting my own personal feelings and issues on the entire world- actually it’s kind of a superpower of mine. Like if I were an Avenger my secret super special ability would be emotional projection. God does that mean I’m Scarlet Witch? Ugh, she’s boring.

While we’re on the subject of superheroes- which is very timely as the term has come to encompass the people on the so-called “front-lines” (doctors, grocery store stockers, postal workers, police, food service employees) let’s talk about which superhero I would like to be if I could. Fantasy cast it with me...

Captain Marvel.

I know, duh, it’s kind of obvious but let me explain.

She can leave Earth whenever she wants and hang out on other planets in other galaxies. Maybe some of these other planets wouldn't have been infected by Coronavirus- maybe one of these uninfected people would even know the cure because on their timeline, they’ve already beaten Covid-19 and are discovering an antidote!

She’s Brie Larson. Getting to be Brie Larson during a pandemic seems like a great thing to me. Like if this was a Freaky Friday situation I would be absolutely cool with switching bodies with her- pandemic or not. She’s brilliant, empowered, lives in a bad ass house, has a sick work-out routine, is married to a musician, and somehow she also can play guitar and sing like a goddamn angel too (it makes no sense and isn’t fair to the rest of the world).

Captain Marvel is secretly the strongest and best Avenger imo and if I were her I feel I could probably face Coronavirus head on or at least team up with Ant-Man to tackle it. Wait- I just solved Coranavirus? I think? Okay, Paul Rudd has been the answer all along! Ant-Man, or Wasp actually (except no because Evangaline Lilly isn’t taking Quarantine seriously) so just Ant-Man! Hear me out, he could shrink down and single handedly take down each virus particle. Does my theory need work? Maybe. Could some of my comic book obsessed friends help me craft an actual plot for Avengers Pandemic Age? That’s what we’re calling it btw.

Yes they probably could help me iron out the details a little more smoothly (specifically my friends John and Ryan) but for now, the simple act of sitting down here and imagining something fun like this superhero scenario playing out has been enough to jumpstart my brain a little. Imagination is such good medicine. Now that I’m starting to fire on all cylinders I’m coming to another realization-

I don’t want to be Wonder Woman or Captain Marvel. I’m sure Gal Gadot and Brie Larson are going through shit just as much as me or anyone else alive during this madness. I don’t think anyone is actually perfect, although I do obsess over the possibility all the time. What I need to accept is that I’m not perfect- and neither is anyone else, DC/Marvel hero or not.

It’s completely okay to feel lost and out-of-whack right now. Your feelings are valid, my feelings are valid. I can’t be the only one who’s sleep schedule has been scrambled, smothered, and covered for a month. I’m not the only one fighting every morning to crawl out of the bog of depression. We’re all in this shit together and I guess what I’m saying is I want to put my hand out to you. Now, I’ve got a latex glove on so it will be contactless but nonetheless, my hand is still extended. Take it if you need it.

Please Enjoy My Quarantine Thoughts

I’m considering becoming friends with the family who lives behind me solely to get access to their trampoline.

I’m getting tired of this essential vs. nonessential classism. The way essential workers refer to themselves “Oh I’m still working. I’m essential.” Omg we get it.

Why do I scroll through people’s stories on social media that I don’t know or care about but feel obligated to do the little tap-tap-tap till the story ends thing?

I miss filming things with more than one other person.

I miss getting up so early after so little sleep for an event that my stomach felt sick until I took a shower.

I miss hotels.

I miss the little complimentary bottles of water the nice Lyft drivers used to offer me.

I miss having to count the number of people I was with when I walked into a restaurant to tell the host so they could seat us.

I miss Jake asking if things are spicy or not.

I miss the next big thing!

Everyone in my neighborhood seems really excited to pick up all the tree branches that fell from the storms last night.

Nobody:

Neighbor picking up sticks: “Hey just out here taking care of the little project the storm gave me!”

Original Quarantine Watch List

Ladybird

The Lighthouse

Annihilation

Uncut Gems

Knives Out

Frozen 2

Little Women

There Will Be Blood

Pee Wes’s Big Adventure

Dune

Escape From New York

Actual Watch List

The Office S1-S7

Saved By The Bell The College Years (all)

The Boy Band Con: The Lou Pearlman Story

21 Jumpstreet (remake)

Tiger King (twice)

45 minute YouTube video of 1993 Time Capsule footage video from Toys ‘R’ Us

One episode Family Guy (while I was taking a nap!)

2 hours of 1st person perspective videos from Splash and Space Mountain

[lilylovessev]

severusloveslily‌:

Severus looked over at his phone as it lit up and he sat straight up. He snatched it up and saw the notification, just who followed him, and his breath caught in his throat. He quickly unlocked his phone and stared at her little username sitting right there up at the top. He swallowed thickly, then pressed the follow button back. Well, if she was going to follow him, he was going to take the golden opportunity to follow her right back. He went onto her page and smirked as he saw her most recent photo, which was uploaded not even an hour ago. He decided to be a little bold and post a comment.

‘Did you really work out if you don’t post a photo? ;)’

He scrolled through her page again, looking at all the photos he’d stalked the other day. He smiled slightly. She was just so bloody pretty. He missed her more than he could even put into words. But he couldn’t do anything about it. She was a bigshot now in the online world and he was just… doing his own thing. They lived completely different lives and that was okay. Their time had just passed.

—

“Just chill out, Severus,” Narcissa laughed as she stood behind his camera. “Be normal. It’s just you and me, and we can edit whatever we need to. I thought me being here was supposed to make you less nervous.”

“Alright, alright,” Severus sighed as he rubbed his face. This was so bloody nerve-wracking. They couldn’t have picked a worse fucking person to do this sort of thing. But he was the most popular researcher and writer for the magazine, and he made them a lot of money, so naturally, he’d be the one to talk about his own work. But still, he was awkward as anything. He’d be fucked if any of this footage was live.

“Hello, I’m Severus Snape, and today I’m going to be briefly explaining my Wolfsbane theorem and how some minor changes can completely change the effects it has on someone with Lycanthropy,” he said, before he straightened up slightly at Narcissa’s silent cue. “Uh… Yeah, so,” he started, before he began barreling into his spiel. He even had a little set-up in front of him to do a demonstration, just as his boss had suggested. Narcissa was really just there for moral support. 

After they’d finished the video, Severus sighed and took the SD card out, before sticking it into his computer. He needed to get a move on editing, because this shit had to go out every week. He never posted videos to his own social media, and he really didn’t post all that often anyway. He had one singular recent photo of himself, and that was practically because he was forced and had them professionally taken by one of the magazine photographers. The rest of the minimal photos he’d uploaded since then were just photos of his work or little graphics he designed that had potion facts on them. He had to keep active, but he didn’t need to be showing his face. 

He also had a few food pictures on there. Since getting money, he really liked good cuisine. 

“It’s so cool how you can do all that,” Narcissa said as she stood behind him, watching him edit through the footage. “I’m so glad to see you back on social media. I missed that face of yours.”

Severus scoffed without looking back and continued to drag some things and effects around in the video editing software. “So sweet, Cissy,” he muttered sarcastically as he finally glanced back at her. “Thanks for coming over,” he said with a smirk. “I’ll remember you when I make it big online,” he chuckled, before turning back to his computer. She was his very best friend.

What had happened to him? Had he taken something? Was he on steroids? 

Her jaw gaped a little, but she swiftly pushed it back up with her pen. She simply couldn’t look away. She had to keep watching. He was so different now, in every sense of the word. He’d been growing taller like crazy their last couple years at Hogwarts, but he’d now become far less awkward in stature. Her eyes widened as he moved to pick up one of the jars, opening it up. His hands would quite literally engulf hers now. She gulped slightly, her teeth trailing her lower lip. Her fourteen-year-old self was certainly rearing her hormonal head at that moment. He kept on looking at someone, or something. Was there a someone? Was that someone a woman? Why should she care?!

She took a few moments to think about what she’d just seen, before then clicking off of the video. 

Wow.

Why on earth was she spending her time watching Severus Snape prat about with bloody potions and his sodding theories about them? Did he have nothing better to do? She didn’t have the time to be doing that. She should have been focusing on her own work. Yes, that would have been a far better use of her time...

Where had he come from all of a sudden? She couldn’t help but feel as if he’d been forced into all of this, because he certainly wasn’t a natural in front of the camera, unlike herself. She was very much a natural in front of the camera, as evidenced by her loyal followers and her profit made, quite frankly. That on top of her salary from the Ministry ensured that she lived a more than comfortable lifestyle.

//

“I have a new haul for you all to enjoy today,” the redhead announced, before holding up the bag to the camera. “Yes, a lingerie haul. My boyfriend is a very lucky man,” she laughed, before then explaining that her shopping experience had not been a gift and that these were all times that she’d chosen of her own accord. 

She absolutely loved spending the majority of her money on pretty clothes, on all aspects of her clothing, including her underwear. It was safe to say that everything was coordinated and thought about at all times.

//

“Sexy, so sexy.”

Marlene giggled, handing her a glass of champagne as they laid out on the loungers on the balcony of their flat. It was a gorgeous little space, the railing intertwined with trailing flowers. They clinked their glasses together, before Lily turned off her tablet and put it aside.

“Is it too much? I mean...”

“Not at all, Evans. Who wouldn’t want to see the beautiful underwear that will soon lay upon your body?” The blonde scoffed, “That’s certainly going to give some creeps some *ank bank material.” She then made a crude gesture, before Lily leaned over and nudged her. “No, but you have such good taste, I’m sure that their sales will sky-rocket.”

She sighed, taking a sip of her fizz before laying back, staring off into the distance. They had to take advantage of this during the warmer months, because it wasn’t as if they spent much of the rest of the year out there! 

“Severus Snape has started... creating some sort of digital presence for himself.”

“Ah, I was wondering when you’d notice.”

“You... knew?”

“Cissy mentioned it a couple days ago... Don’t look at me like that. I actually quite like her,” Marlene remarked matter of factly, shaking her head at Lily’s clear disapproval. “I do. We had afternoon tea together at the Capital. She may be a... slightly elite pureblood and she knows it, but she loves a luxurious. muggle hotel.”

“Ugh,” the redhead groaned loudly, rolling her eyes. “She does not like me. Can you not remember the way that she glared at me when we went to that party? If looks could kill.”

“Yes, but... she’s close with Severus. You’d recently effectively deleted him from your life, stamping all over his poor little heart...”

“There is nothing little about that man. You encouraged me to do that,” she snapped back, before turning and narrowing her eyes at the blonde. “What? Anyway, why are we talking about her? I just happened to notice his social media had perked up again, that’s all. It’s not as if I actually care or anything like that.”

“There’s nothing little about him, eh? And what would you know about that? Were you paying particularly close attention to that last video?”

“Stop it,” Lily sighed, waving a hand dismissively. “I am in a relationship. I am perfectly happy, thank you very much.” 

modern || snily au