#also made two sevens bc. indecisive

[fictkin-aes]

hi! could i possibly get matching icons for brown haired mc and 707? thank you in advance! (つ•̀ᴥ•́)つ*:･ﾟ✧

Here you go!! I couldn’t find any transparent images of the canon art of mc so I hope this is alright!

[besanii]

I need to know what caused Wei Ying to finally initiate a physical relationship with Xichen. Was it for Lotus pier and what the empress said? He does seem to have some feelings towards Xichen so did he not mind it bc of that? What does Xichen think about this whole thing ahhhhhhhhh so many questions. Sorry Lan Zhan cause ngl I ship them

[ part one (LWJ) | two (LXC) | three (WWX) | four (LWJ) | five (NQY) | six (WWX) | seven (LWJ) ]

[ follows on from six ] 

Alive.

The word washes over him like a wave, bringing with it a rush of joy and relief—his brother is alive—that lasts only a heartbeat before the significance of the news comes crashing down.

His brother is alive.

An arrow to the shoulder, the report had read. Knocked overboard in the heat of the battle and disappearing under the churning waters; for days they searched, picking through the bodies floating amongst the debris long after the Dongying forces had retreated. 

They found him, a day later, half-drowned and delirious with fever, unable to fight. News of his death in battle spread as he lay in his bed, one foot already through the gates of Hell and yet still strategising, planning, during his brief moments of lucidity. Conscious enough to know that they can use his perceived death to their advantage.

And indeed with the loss of Gusu’s greatest commander, their enemies pressed them harder, forcing them to cede waters they had previously held strong. Little did they know they were being lured into a trap, one that would decimate their fleet and end the battle once and for all.

“And how is Hanguang-wang now?” Lan Xichen asks. Only years of experience keeps his voice tightly controlled and his hands relaxed as they rest on the spacious desk before him.

“Replying to Huangshang, Hanguang-wang asked this lowly subject to pass on the message that he is well and not to worry,” the messenger reports. “Hanguang-wang has also said he will stay on to fight until the war is won, as is his duty as the commander of the fleet.” 

As a brother, Lan Xichen knows he should recall Lan Wangji from the front lines, allow him to return to Caiyi to nurse his injuries. As Emperor, if his best commander reports he can continue to fight and his staying on increases their chances of victory, then he has no reason to refuse. As a man—

He tells himself the rush of relief that courses through him at the news is because his brother is well; he does not allow himself to entertain the other reason. It is too shameful to admit, even to himself.

In the end, the Emperor wins out, as it always does.

“Very well,” he says finally, pressing the tips of his fingers together as if he is giving serious consideration to Lan Wangji’s request. “We will grant Hanguang-wang the right to stay, as reward for his loyalty.”

--

He does not call on Chenghuan Hall.

He tells himself it is to give Wei Wuxian space in the wake of such momentous news, to allow him to process it fully in his own time without the added pressure of Lan Xichen’s presence. It is a flimsy excuse, one he knows does not fool his Empress at the very least, whose knowing looks and raised eyebrow has his insides twisting with guilt and shame like a child caught stealing treats from the kitchens. So he avoids her palace too, and seeks refuge in the Imperial study until late in the evenings.

A whole month passes where Lan Xichen does not allow himself to see Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian does not send word to him either.

He wonders if he’s left it too long, whether Wei Wuxian would be upset or angry at their situation—at him, for putting them in this situation. If it is too late to show up now, after a whole month of silence, and try to make amends. 

Fortunately—if one could call any part of this fortunate—the decision is made for him when Wei Wuxian himself walks into the Imperial study one night and kneels in the centre of the chamber. Lan Xichen watches dumbly as he prostrates himself, forehead pressed against the tips of his fingers on the cold stone floor, his hair loose and unbound, spilling over his plain white robes, the very picture of contrition and penance.

“This lowly concubine pays greetings to Huangshang,” Wei Wuxian says, his voice loud and clear in the quiet of the study. “And humbly seeks your forgiveness.”

“Wuxian...” Lan Xichen begins hesitantly. He breaks off, looking around at the eunuchs stationed around the study with their heads bowed. “You may leave us.”

It is only after they file away, closing the double doors behind them silently, does Lan Xichen allow himself to cross the chamber to where Wei Wuxian is still kneeling. He hurries to help him up, grasping him below the elbows, but is met with resistance as Wei Wuxian stubbornly keeps his head and shoulders bowed.

“Wuxian,” he says helplessly. “There is no need for this.”

“This lowly concubine dares not stand until Huangshang has forgiven me for my transgressions,” Wei Wuxian replies, still in that formal, wooden tone of voice Lan Xichen has come to know too well. He sighs.

“It is cold tonight and you are barely dressed. You will catch a cold walking around like this,” he tells him gently, softening his grip on his arms. When Wei Wuxian still refuses to budge, he sighs again and tilts his face up with two fingers under his chin. “There is nothing to forgive, you have done nothing wrong,”

There is confusion and wariness in those grey eyes as they finally meet his, two emotions he had hoped never to see again.

“Huangshang is displeased with me,” Wei Wuxian says quietly, tightly, as if he would fall apart if he raised his voice. “Ever since the report from Jinghai. Huangshang can no longer bear the sight of me, now that Lan Zhan—” he bites off the name with a pained twist of his mouth.

Lan Xichen recoils as if struck. He had known the nature of their relationship before his brother’s departure, and their plans for his return. But hearing his brother’s given name, such an intimate address used so freely and without thought, is a stark reminder of what he had done. Who he had taken.

Wei Wuxian knows it too, from the shudder that runs through him as he exhales, and the way his hands curl into fists in his lap.

"This lowly concubine does not dare presume he has any right to beg forgiveness for putting Huangshang in such a difficult position,” he continues, the barest hint of a waver in his voice. “I only wished to let Huangshang know that he does not need to trouble himself over this any longer.”

There is a ring of finality to his words that immediately catches Lan Xichen’s attention.

“What are you saying?” he asks warily. “Wuxian—”

Wei Wuxian shuffles backwards, putting enough distance between them so that he can prostrate himself once more, touching his forehead to the floor.

“This lowly concubine begs Huangshang to grant me the death penalty.”

“No.” 

The word forces itself from Lan Xichen’s lips before he even realises he’s spoken, a spontaneous, visceral reaction full of hurt and fury beyond his control. For a long moment after, he cannot speak around the vice clamped tight around his chest, squeezing the air from his lungs. Wei Wuxian replies, but his voice is only a faint murmur against the blood roaring in his ears; he cannot see his face to read his lips, but Lan Xichen already knows what he will say.

“You cannot ask that of me.” The words rasp painfully against his throat. “I will not be the reason for your death.”

Wei Wuxian raises his head and Lan Xichen freezes at the sight of the tears in his eyes, the same hurt, the same helpless fury colouring his cheeks and knitting his brows.

“And I am not willing to be the conflict that destroys the relationship between brothers,” he cries. “I cannot—I will not do it. Huangshang. You cannot ask that of me. Please do not ask it of me.” 

He lowers his face to the floor once more.

“This lowly concubine is only alive today because of Huangshang,” he says, voice small and trembling but with an undercurrent of steel. “I should already be dead. If Huangshang grants me the death penalty now, it will only be putting the situation to rights once more, and Hanguang-wang will be none the wiser upon his return.” 

Lan Xichen reaches out a trembling hand toward him, but stops short, hand hovering just above the top of his head. He cannot ask this of him. As a brother, and as a man, he cannot do it. As an Emperor—

Almost as if sensing his indecision, Wei Wuxian raises his head, leans into the palm of Lan Xichen’s outstretched hand and smiles as those long fingers mould themselves reflexively around the curve of his cheek.

“This lowly concubine will never forget the kindness and affection Huangshang has bestowed upon me,” he murmurs. “So if there must be a sacrifice, please let me make it in your place.”

--

TBC (yes I have just decided there will be a part two to this)

--

buy me a ko-fi!

more paper-thin fic | verse

--

Notes

Such drama! Much angst! 

Sorry this took much longer than anticipated, mostly cos I’ve been devouring ancient Tezuka/Fuji fics and falling back into the ancient Tenipuri fandom in the past couple of weeks. So, uh, don’t be surprised if my next thing is Tezuka/Fuji instead (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

[leporellian]

Why I Chose Every Character That Went Into The Opera Playing Cards

so! if you are unaware, one of my Products(TM) that i sell are whole opera-themed card decks. they are probably one of my favorite projects that i've worked on (and you can get them on my etsy). i realized that i never did actually go into the way i chose opera characters for each playing card here, which is silly bc honestly figuring that one out was the most difficult part of the process. i decided instead of focusing on specific operas, i'd focus on the cartomancy meaning behind every playing card. i looked at each one, figured out who they reminded me of, and then went from there; ground rules being every character only got one card and no opera could have more than 3 card representations in the deck.

i should note that cartomancy meanings vary by source to source so mine might not be fully 'accurate' to everyone. i should also note that while i find it a fun idea, i don't actually have any supernatural beliefs regarding cartomancy (or everything else) and took it as a literary analysis thing more than anything.

without further ado: every card meaning and character on it.

also i spent like 2 hours on this post so. Ha ha

THE SPADES (regarding challenges and overcoming them)

MEPHISTOPHELES, THE ACE OF SPADES: The Ace of Spades, traditionally the first card in the deck, stands for 'death' and endings. It can also stand for all sorts of other bad things; spite, misfortune... but the Ace of Spades isn't necessarily a 'bad' card. It can mean endings of anything, deaths of anything both literal and metaphorical.

AZUCENA, THE TWO OF SPADES: The Two of Spades can stand for deceit, change (particularly regarding identities from what I can tell), and difficult decisions. It can also suggest uncertainty and a removal, as if this change in identity wasn't planned but rather forced by circumstance.

COUNT ALMAVIVA, THE THREE OF SPADES: Infidelity, particularly in marriages. Poor communications, opportunity running dry, troubled relationships; the Three of Spades has it all in one unfortunate package.

VIOLETTA, THE FOUR OF SPADES: The Four of Spades is traditionally associated with illness; sometimes even just the lingering worry of it. However, it carries the dual meaning of broken promises: Either you will be able to fulfill a promise, or someone you love will break one for you.

SIEGFRIED AND FAFNER, THE FIVE OF SPADES: The Five of Spades stands as something of a 'starter' problem, a challenge you will rise against for now. You might have greater challenges in the future ahead of you, but for now you will find success against this first difficulty. Hooray!.....?

TOSCA, THE SIX OF SPADES: Improvements, positive change, purpose, rebellious upswing. The Six of Spades is never the answer to a conflict, and there's often the implication that problems will go on. But in the moment there is this little bit of revolution, this little commitment to making life a bit better.

EUGENE ONEGIN AND LENSKY, THE SEVEN OF SPADES: The Seven of Spades stands for bad advice, and worse decisions, often ones made on impulsive whims. It may also refer to a difficult situation with no clear winners. Either way, it also stands for the grief and loss that will arise because of itself.

SPARAFUCILE AND MADDALENA, THE EIGHT OF SPADES: The Eight of Spades stands for deceit and danger, particularly coming from what was once a promising financial/personal opportunity. It can also refer to plans going awry, or crossroads at work forcing you to make an important decision. Caution is advised, in any case.

LEPORELLO, THE NINE OF SPADES: Bad luck, accidents, anxiety. The Nine of Spades is sometimes a card of indecision, and sometimes a card of helplessness in the face of danger. It can also mean that the threat of loss is looming over your life- the loss of somebody close to you.

DON GIOVANNI, THE TEN OF SPADES: The Ten of Spades is a warning. Bad news and evil- often implied to be something untamable and fundamentally irrational- is on its way, and the best you can do is duck out of its way before it gets to you. Something wicked this way comes...

L'ENFANT (from ravel's 'l'enfant et les sortileges'), THE JACK OF SPADES: The Jack of Spades is the sign of a troublesome youth, wild and unkempt, who will cause problems almost unwittingly. However, this card isn't necessarily a warning of evil like the Ten of Spades; the Jack of Spades is an annoyance but not actively really malicious.

THE COUNTESS (from tchaikovsky's 'the queen of spades'), THE... QUEEN OF SPADES: Besides the fun name coincidence, the Queen of Spades stands for a dark-haired woman, commonly interpreted as a widow. She will offer you advice but it's up to you how to utilize it or even if you should utilize it at all.

BARON SCARPIA, THE KING OF SPADES: The King of Spades stands for an accomplished older man, often a position of authority. He is smart and ambitious, and a force to be reckoned with; but he is selfish and it will be his selfishness and blind pursuit of his own desires that will do him in.

THE DIAMONDS (regarding money and financial matters)

ROSINA (barber of seville), THE ACE OF DIAMONDS: The Ace of Diamonds, most literally, stands for small gifts- a bracelet, or a ring, or (most commonly) a letter. However, more metaphorically, it stands for upgrades and new opportunity; new households, new relationships, and new social status.

DONNA ELVIRA, THE TWO OF DIAMONDS: The Two of Diamonds usually stands for disapproval of a relationship, whether personally or societally. Often these relationships are implied to be affairs- ones that could have disastrous consequences for all involved.

LUCIA ASHTON, THE THREE OF DIAMONDS: The Three of Diamonds is another warning card. In its broadest strokes it symbolizes trouble, but if you look closer it often stands for broken marriages and violence in the home between families. It is a card that is at once very still and very violent; the calm before a storm.

TOM RAKEWELL, THE FOUR OF DIAMONDS: The Four of Diamonds stands for unexpected money and inheritance, and a sudden coming into one's own. However, it can also stand for heeding the advice of those closest to you, whether positive... or negative.

PORGY AND BESS, THE FIVE OF DIAMONDS: Like the Six of Spades, the Five of Diamonds is seen as a smaller card in the grand scheme of things; problems will go on before and after it. But it stands for improvements, and solidarity; quiet new beginnings and newfound hope.

B.F. PINKERTON, THE SIX OF DIAMONDS: The Six of Diamonds stands for domestic trouble and infidelity, but unlike the Three of Spades it focuses particularly on problems in a second marriage or multiple conflicting promises that cannot all be fulfilled. There's an urge to take responsibility- but also a sense that the urge will be ignored.

RODOLFO AND MARCELLO, THE SEVEN OF DIAMONDS: (fun fact this was the last card i did in the whole deck.) The Seven of Diamonds stands for financial challenges, particularly when it comes to work. It can also indicate meeting someone new, although this interpretation is much rarer.

FAUST, THE EIGHT OF DIAMONDS: The Eight of Diamonds stands for things coming in time. You may not find financial opportunities or even romance now, but they will surprise you later in life; you just have to look for them and stop worrying about the alleged value of youth.

BILLY BUDD, THE NINE OF DIAMONDS: The Nine of Diamonds often stands for new business opportunity presenting themselves in the workplace; most commonly the opportunity to travel.

HANNA GLAWARI, THE TEN OF DIAMONDS: The Ten of Diamonds stands for financial prosperity to the point of excess, as well as good fortune with your relationships and the people you choose to surround yourself with. Success is here! Celebrate!

DESPINA, THE JACK OF DIAMONDS: The Jack of Diamonds represents a close friend with darker intentions. She may be the bearer of bad news, or she may just be a gossip. The Jack of Diamonds is unreliable and dishonest, and would absolutely sell you out in a heartbeat.

CARMEN, THE QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: The Queen of Diamonds stands for an outgoing, flirtatious woman, one who isn't afraid to take life by the horns. Be her friend and she will be a great asset, be her enemy and you will always be annoyed with her. However, either way: Try to sever her from her carefree life, and there will be consequences.

KING FILIPPO, THE KING OF DIAMONDS: Like the King of Spades, the King of Diamonds is an accomplished older authoritative figure. He is often one of great influence over the people around him, although he may not realize it. Further information on the card tends to be contradictory, but it seems this man is more easily influenced than he initially appears and might not be trustworthy.

THE CLUBS (regarding chance and the wheels of fortune)

ORFEO AND EURIDICE (gluck), THE ACE OF CLUBS: The Ace of Clubs stands for a story that otherwise would end in tragedy, but- through compassion, or luck, or even the hand of God- has ended happily. Sudden changes of plans with positive connotations, sudden good fortune; very rarely is a sudden thing a good outcome in cartomancy but just this once it is.

AGRIPPINA, THE TWO OF CLUBS: The Two of Clubs stands for gossip and manipulation, as well as challenges in life brought about by them. The gossip in this case is entirely planned in order to influence specific outcomes. Be careful of those around you, and be even more careful of their ulterior motives.

LOHENGRIN AND ELSA, THE THREE OF CLUBS: The Three of Clubs stands for marriage, particularly marriages of wealth and power. While some allege the card also stands for successful marriages, there is a distinct layer of melancholy to it- perhaps the powerful are, in some way, always alone.

NICK SHADOW, THE FOUR OF CLUBS: The Four of Clubs stands for deceit and betrayal from those around you. You may find a friend or mentor that you trust greatly, but they will turn on you and manipulate you- and it's because you blindly accepted them to begin with. Take caution and beware of those with promises too sweet.

MIMI, THE FIVE OF CLUBS: The Five of Clubs indicates new friend groups, new support networks, and new places. It may be an indication to reach out more and see the world around you, but in this way it can serve as a warning: Do the things you want to do before your time runs out.

GIANNI SCHICCI, THE SIX OF CLUBS: The Six of Clubs indicates success in finance and relationships, primarily finance, but not one you will achieve yourself. Someone else- someone who you might know, or who might be a stranger- will financially assist you and find ways to help you get your matters sorted.

DIDO, THE SEVEN OF CLUBS: The Seven of Clubs stands two things at once. The first accomplishment in business, and a high societal rank. However, the second is trouble in relationships, and a deep sense of loneliness or isolation stemming from the first. These two go hand in hand- and in trying to please one you may lose your grip on the other.

LADY MACBETH, THE EIGHT OF CLUBS: The Eight of Clubs symbolizes difficulty, both personally and professionally, relating particularly to decay. Opportunities that seem tempting right now will crumble and turn on you. Be careful, and keep your ambition in check.

ESCAMILLO, THE NINE OF CLUBS: The Nine of Clubs is flashy and immediately draws your attention. You will find new opportunities, particularly presenting themselves in the form of a new admirer or romantic partner. However, at the same time, it is a warning against stubbornness, and should strike a bit of fear into the hearts of the bullish.

MANON LESCAUT, THE TEN OF CLUBS: The Ten of Clubs stands for unexpected- and joyful- travel, although it may come at the expense of other things. It can also represent newfound opportunity and a sense of love for the world at large.

BRUNHILDE, THE JACK OF CLUBS: The Jack of Clubs represents a strong-willed, trustworthy friend who will go to bat for you regardless of circumstance. She may be dramatic and fiery, but this is to her benefit, and to yours- you may always count on her in the face of struggle.

FRICKA, THE QUEEN OF CLUBS: The Queen of Clubs represents a confident women, unafraid to speak her mind yet burdened by her own power, in an authoritative position. She may infuriate some, and impede the plans of others, but in the end she has her reasons for her behavior and does bring up some good points.

WOTAN, THE KING OF CLUBS: The King of Clubs represents a strong older man. He may be affectionate and well-meaning in some readings, and deeply corrupt and contemptuous in others- perhaps these may both be true. He may seek money or a particular resource from you, and he may have ulterior motives to get it. What you think of him, ultimately, is up to you.

THE HEARTS (regarding love and relationships)

OCTAVIAN AND SOPHIE, THE ACE OF HEARTS (yes rosenkav is my least favorite but i had to put it in there somewhere i guesss): The Ace Of Hearts represents newness, and naïveté, and wet-behind-the-ears. It stands for puppy love and young couples, as well as new opportunity and budding romance.

FIGARO AND SUSANNA, THE TWO OF HEARTS: The Two of Hearts represents balance, harmonious relationships, or even just evenly-matched partnerships of any kind. Both parties are respectful and share balanced power, and happiness in the future is guaranteed as a result. The card may also suggest a knack for romantic fortune.

DON JOSE, THE THREE OF HEARTS: The Three of Hearts stands for romantic jealousy and possessiveness of others. It suggests foolishness, and misplaced priorities; it is often associated with throwing one's life away in the pursuit of supposed love, and for believing you have more control over others than you really do. The Three of Hearts serves as a warning: Be cautious in your relationships.

LEONORE/FIDELIO, THE FOUR OF HEARTS: The Four of Hearts stands for change and revolution on the horizon, often in the pursuit of passion or love. It may also mean peace prevailing, and love conquering all; in any case the Four of Hearts may be intimidating but it is ultimately a boon and a sign of good things to come.

OTELLO, THE FIVE OF HEARTS: The Five Of Hearts stands for envy. Either you may be envious of others, or others with dark motives may be envious of you. Either way, it is best to be cautious, and not let the green-eyed monster get the best of you.

PAPAGENO AND PAPAGENA, THE SIX OF HEARTS: The six of hearts stands for many things- things that are, in some way, united. It stands for keeping hope in darker times, and finding love in unexpected places- or simply being surprised by the person you end up with. It may also suggest something childlike or a moment of harmony.

SANTUZZA, THE SEVEN OF HEARTS: The Seven of Hearts, similarly to the Four of Spades, represents broken promises, although without the promise of illness. It often particularly represents a partner or friend, or other close figure, who will let you down in a moment of crisis.

HANSEL AND GRETEL, THE EIGHT OF HEARTS: The Eight of Hearts stands for visitors and invitations; comings and going. You may be invited by someone, or someone may visit you; in either case, however, be wary of their intentions because both positive and negative invitations are prophesied by this card.

NEMORINO AND ADINA, THE NINE OF HEARTS: The Nine of Hearts is somewhat unique in that its meaning is nearly universal. Known as the Wish Card, it is said it makes the wildest dreams come true, often synonymous with a new job, or partner, or child, or house. Think on your hopes with this card and they may come true.

CENDRILLON, THE TEN OF HEARTS: The Ten of Hearts represents good fortune on its way to the needy, often in the form of a large gathering or public social event. This event can be a wedding, or convention, but most often it is said to be a large party. You may meet important people there.

CHERUBINO, THE JACK OF HEARTS: The Jack of Hearts represents a young ally, often associated with young love. They may admire you the way schoolboys admire young teachers, or they may simply be a childish youth. They are your friend, although they are young and innocent and may not be the most helpful.

ALICE FORD, THE QUEEN OF HEARTS: The Queen of Hearts represents a kind woman, who will help you in your journeys and plans. She is usually a maternal figure, although she is not usually your literal mother, and she will be more clever than she initially appears to be.

HANS SACHS, THE KING OF HEARTS: Like the maternal figure of the Queen of Hearts, the King of Hearts is a paternal figure. He is a kind if somewhat more distant man. He will dispense good advice, and will help you in your romantic pursuits; although he is just as often associated with literature and the fine arts.

RIGOLETTO, THE RED JOKER, and CANIO, THE BLACK JOKER: Jokers are unique in the they are far younger than the rest of the deck, having been invented during the American Civil War for specific trump card-related games. They are not traditionally included in cartomancy for this reason, although they may be used as something similar to the Fool in the Tarot Major Arcana. They are often discarded immediately, and not given much further thought; while both Joker cards were obvious character choices I wanted to also highlight the sense of being discarded and unwanted that is pivotal to the card.

Thats all of them. If you're still reading this I'm so sorry.

[flying-elliska]

thank you @sinterblackwell for tagging me in this bookish ask game! these questions were really interesting !

how many books are too many books in a series ? i'm honestly pretty tolerant for long book series, i love seeing a world develop over lots of books - started the bone season series recently which has 4 books so far and is slated to have seven, it's going to be a bitch waiting but at the same time there is something so thrilling about having this sort of returning event year after year (i grew up with the HP books so that really marked me i guess). that said i think that only really works when the authors have solid plans because when an author gets stuck and you have to wait ten years for the next one that really sucks (lol GoT). and i think beyond 7-8 it's definitely getting excessive.

how do you feel about cliffhangers ? hmmm...depends if they're well done or if they feel like shock value. i think every book needs to feel like a cohesive unit and some cliffhangers happen too soon, without enough resolution - that said, i love it when books open up a new (but related) mystery in the last few lines

hardback or paperback ? i used to buy paperbacks only but over time those really get damaged super easily (i've moved a lot) and it feels like a waste of space and paper. so now i'm doing this thing where i mostly buy ebooks and whenever i really like a book and want it in my permanent library - or when a new book is coming out that i know i am going to love - i buy hardbacks ; at least when the covers are aesthetically satisfying. i just really love the idea of starting to build my 'forever library'

least favorite book ? it's tied between Manon Lescaut, which i was forced to read in high school and is the most irritating story ever about an old timey dude falling in 'love' with a prostitute and blaming her for it and everything else that goes wrong in his life until she dies and he can 'be free' ; and The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi which made me so uncomfortable i had to stop like one third of the way in and is a torture p*rn, fetishistic, racist mess about a Japanese cyborg girl who gets exploited and abused by everyone she meets. It's possible that these two books were trying to make a point about how the things they're depicting were bad, but there is a level of misogyny and violence that feels too illustrative, exploitative and graphic to ever serve that purpose properly in my mind.

love triangles, yes or no ? i'm not against a love triangle when it's well done, i.e it has a real impact on the plot and is tied into the themes of the story. For example, I think the triangle in the Hunger Games is a good one, because Peeta represents (to simplify it massively) peace whereas Gale represents violence, the escalation of war and never ending conflict, so Katniss choosing between them is not just about moody teenager feelings. That said, the trope has definitely been overused in YA ; I really hate love triangles when it's just an excuse to stall the plot and throw in artificial delays because the characters are being wishy-washy and indecisive and non-communicative assholes. also i wish more of them got solved by polyamory or something.

the most recent book you just couldn't finish ? last year, If I loved you less by Tamsen Parker, a modern wlw retelling of Emma which I expected to love but the overly casual-quirky writing and the excessively immature MC just irritated the hell out of me

a book you're currently reading ? rereading The Raven Cycle right now, I'm on the Raven King and I'll reread Call Down the Hawk after, I want to get to Mister Impossible

last book you recommended to someone ? Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

oldest book you've read ? hmmmmmm not sure but the thing that comes to mind rn is the Tao Te Ching by Laozi, 6th century BC

newest book you've read ? ehhh probably Any Way the Wind Blows by Rainbow Rowell

favorite author ? lol i absolutely cannot answer that question no matter what i say it feels like a betrayal

buying books or borrowing books ? buying, i'm a shitty borrower tbh because i like having books sit in my TBR pile and just randomly decide to read them out of the blue

a book you dislike that everyone else seems to love ? the night circus by erin morgenstern - it's so popular everywhere and I wasn't even able to finish it ; it's the epitome of style over substance for me ; sure the descriptions are beautiful but they feel so empty and void of any meaning or character development ; it drags for chapters and chapters and then boom ! instalove, which is when i dropped it because that's one of the things i hate the most. i checked the rest of the plot on wikipedia to be sure and yeah it annoyed me too so.

bookmarks or dog ears ? bookmarks. i only ever dog ear my study books

a book you can always reread ? letters to a young poet by rainer maria rilke

can you read while listening to music ? nooo it's way too much input when i get into a book it's Intense i can't deal with anything else

one pov or multiple povs ? i absolutely love a well done multiple POVs when the switching allows you to compare the perspective of different characters and how it shapes the narrative and how they think of each other and how it slowly all merges together ! Especially when it's dumbasses in love pining over each other !!! chef's kiss !!!

do you read a book in one sitting or over multiple days ? depends, i binge when i have the time and it's gripping but not always and that's fine

who do you tag ? @beeexx @all-the-wr0ng-places @smblmn @peoniesandsmiles @bremmommye @dorkdumplings @petitspaceling @hellswolfie @iamshannonmcfarland if you want to no pressure !!!

[ratedhaikyuu]

☆ How You Met Karasuno (½) ☆

— Ukai

ofc you met him at his shop

usually he wouldn’t bother to spare a glance at a random customer

but boy were you….. wow……

A GIFT FROM GOD HAS LEGS AND JUST WALKED INTO SAKANOSHITA STORE??

he was clearly interested in you so he walked up to you and asked what you were looking for

it was hot as hell outside so you decided to buy something refreshing

you’re stuck between drinks or ice cream and by then what flavor would you buy

you really don’t know your preferences

good thing Ukai knows his stuff

after you bought your purchase, you look into the bag and saw the receipt with a badly written call me if you get indecisive again

you chuckle nonetheless

— Takeda

your sister forget her lunch AGAIN

she’s a teacher and yet she’s still irresponsible as she was in Middle School

today was your day off and you have no errands to do

so you chose to be the perfect sibling and bring your sister her lunch

once your sister got an earful from you, you left the faculty and saw two cute students

one had orange hair and the other had black

they were also getting an earful from an even cuter looking guy

you waited for the two students to leave and smiled at him

he introduced himself as Taked Ittetsu

you looked at him and introduced yourself as someone who will wait for him to be done with work and hopefully will hang out with you after? perhaps?

Takeda was surprised

but you were smooth enough to catch his attention so he thought why not and agreed

— Kiyoko

you work part time at a cafe

and your shift’s not over yet

nobody was around as it was late so you just sat there, drumming your fingers to pass the time

the bell rang from the door, indicating a customer walked in

A GIFT FROM GOD HAS LEGS pt. 2

you looked at her and forget what to say

DID YOU FORGET HOW TO SPEAK? YOU DID. BIG TIME.

Kiyoko chuckled and slowly said what her order would be

and you nod along, cursing yourself and begging the floor to swallow you whole

after a while, she walked up to the counter to get her drink

“Hey, since nobody’s around, wanna sit with me? I really need somebody to talk to cause if not, I will literally go crazy because of these finals.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you seem nice.”

— Yachi

you’ve been working at an Ad Design Company for years now

so you have a good title there, good enough to interview someone

now you’re interviewing Yachi Hitoka

she presented her works, a lot of them were better than others

and she was very polite (and EXTREMELY cute)

Yachi was good for the job and she had the spirit and will for it so you gladly welcomed her as a new employee

like every other newbie, she would always get ordered around by jerks who think they’re superior

today a punk decided to spill the hot coffee on Yachi because her coffee was “not to his liking”

he went TOO FAR

after you fired him dealt with the guy, you offered Yachi an extra shirt you had prepared in your office

in return for your kindness, Yachi wanted to treat you to some fugashi

— Daichi

you were a close friend of Kiyoko

just like her, you’re also quiet and not the most outgoing person

so you had difficulty in making friends

you were extremely smart too! which kind of intimidated a lot of people

but not the three boys you were with at the moment

Kiyoko had planned to study with you and three other 3rd years she knew from her club

you were surprised with the way Sugawara welcomed you and with how Asahi and Daichi interacted with you

it was overwhelming at first but the three of them were really fun despite the dreadful exams

after everyone was exhausted, the three of them left, leaving you and Daichi alone

cause “I walk here to my house! haha”

uhuh sure honey

while walking, you and Daichi talked a lot

like a LOT

talking about the exams, about friends and even your own ambitions

before you went inside your house, he nervously asked for your number

poor boy had a flushed face and a rapid heartbeat

but both you and Daichi had a smile on which was worth it

— Sugawara

your neighbors are going on a vacation next week and they asked if you could take care of their child for the duration

the parents were very kind to you and their child was a sweetheart

so you gladly helped them

all you had to do was prepare 3 meals each day enough for the both of you, make sure he takes his vitamins, bathe him, get him to school, help with his homework and not make him uncomfortable in any way for the next seven days

wow that’s a LOT

but everything worked out in the end

it’s been seven days since you’ve taken care of your kid neighbor

the past week was a TOTAL wreck but it was really fun to hang out with a kid and having new responsibilities yay

sadly you couldn’t see his kind teacher anymore

after a week, your doorbell kept ringing

you were surprised to see the kid at your front door with his mother

ofc you were startled but you were at ease after knowing that he was just there to ask if you were doing alright bc his teacher was worried what happened since you stopped coming to school with him

you BLUSHED at the fact that the gorgeous teacher was looking for you??? gosh

ever since then, you always came to school with the kid and his mother bc aaAAA HIS MOTHER HAS A TINY CRUSH ON HIM TOO

— Asahi

it was the end of 3rd period

you were kinda thirsty so you wanted some beverage from the vending machine

so you went to get one drink

and then you saw that there were two drinks there!

LUCKYYYY

while walking back to your classroom, you saw two dudes fight

it was Asahi, a fellow 3rd year and a loud dude with cool hair

you didn’t know the other guy but you knew Asahi which made you worried even when you’re not THAT close

after the fight and the lectures from the teachers and the vice principal, you finally got a chance to talk with Asahi alone

Asahi sat on the stairs and you walk up to him with the other drink in your hand

perhaps it was fate?

you comforted Asahi despite the lack of knowledge between you two and talked everything out while enjoying your drinks

after that, you and Asahi were very good friends. you depended on one another and treated each other like emotional support buddies

months later, who knew that the emotional support buddies can be much more that

[callboxkat]

Thankful

Author’s note: Does anybody still remember my college au? Because here’s some college au. This story can stand alone without the rest of that au, although it is canon to that universe. 

Look at me keeping up the adjective titles.

Summary: Thanksgiving is coming up, and Virgil’s dad is coming to visit. He doesn’t want his dad to come to his own run-down apartment, so he turns to his friend Logan for help.

Warnings: food mention, lying, injury mention, talk of poor family relationships

Word count: 3230

Writing Masterpost!

...

November 2018

“You got the popcorn, Pat?” a voice called from the other room.

“You bet!”

Logan stepped to the side as Patton barreled past with a large bowl of popcorn, nearly running into him in the process. He shook his head in fond exasperation and followed after.

He and his friends were at their weekly movie night, which as usual was held at their friend Roman’s house. Roman had a decent television, a large selection of movies, and was the only one with enough space for all seven college students to comfortably hang out and watch movies together. They were planning on watching two movies that night, determined by a vote. On nights when they weren’t all there, they would just discuss which movies to watch, but when all of them got together, it was a lot faster just to pick out some movies and vote on which to watch. Patton was counting the votes right because Roman and Joan had each tried to rig the votes in the past. Logan also wouldn’t put it past Remy to do something like that. Among all of them, Patton was the most trusted not to lie about the results. Logan was 99% sure he wouldn’t use that to his advantage.

Soon enough, all seven of them (Logan, Roman, Patton, Virgil, Remy, Joan, and Talyn) were all lounging around the living room while the first movie, Wreck it Ralph, began to play. Logan sat on the sofa along with Patton and Virgil; Roman was on the floor on a throne of pillows and blankets; Joan and Talyn shared the larger of the two chairs; and Remy sat in the other.

They passed around the bowl of popcorn as the movie played, getting comfortable and occasionally making comments on the film.

About halfway through, Logan felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Figuring it might be important, he retrieved it, only to see that the text was from Virgil, who was perched on the armrest of the very same sofa, just on the other side of Patton. (He sat there not because there wasn’t room on the sofa for him, but simply because he claimed he liked the arm better).

Logan frowned, confused, and opened the message.

Virgil: Can I ask you something weird?

Logan stared at the text, wondering why Virgil would send this and not just ask him out loud. And why in the middle of the movie? Perhaps this was one of those occasions where he either could not or preferred not to speak out loud; or perhaps he didn’t want their other friends to overhear his question either out of embarrassment, or perhaps he simply didn’t want to interrupt the film. All three scenarios were likely, and Logan was unsure which, if not a combination of the three, might be the case. The darkly dressed sophomore was bent slightly over his phone, sitting with a poor posture that made Logan cringe internally but which was not exactly unusual for him. His body language was hard for Logan to read, but it was entirely possibly that this was simply due to Logan himself not being especially talented at that sort of thing.

I suppose that depends on how ‘weird’ your inquiry is, Logan typed. He very nearly hit the “send” button before realizing that, if he sent that text, Virgil would definitely not ask him whatever he had wanted to ask. So, Logan deleted that and sent a much a simpler response in its place.

Logan: Yes.

Despite Logan’s direct, encouraging response, several minutes went by without a response. Logan returned his attention to the movie, thinking that perhaps Virgil had changed his mind. But eventually, a reply came.

Virgil: Do you do Thanksgiving?

Logan briefly thought back to the last time his family had attempted such a get-together, several years previously. It hadn’t exactly gone well.

Logan: Not generally, no. Is this the “weird” inquiry you referred to?

Virgil: So not this year?

Logan glanced over at the sophomore, who was still resolutely looking at his phone.

Logan: I hadn’t planned on doing anything except study.

Virgil: You’re not going to Patton’s?

Logan: No, why would I go to Patton’s?

Virgil: …Bc you spent Christmas there last year?

Logan: I see your point. I actually spent the past two Christmases with his family. I do not do the same for Thanksgiving, however. His family is rather large and close and I am not overly comfortable with that sort of thing.

Plus, if one of Patton’s relatives were to ask if the two of them were dating, that would make things very awkward very fast.

“Loogannnnn,” Roman moaned at that moment, flopping his head back on the sofa and pouting up at him. Despite being the oldest, Roman sometimes acted like the youngest among them. “Your phone is too bright, it’s ruining the atmosphere! How will we ever properly enjoy this cinematic masterpiece like this?” He gestured forlornly around the room, which Logan supposed might have been slightly more illuminated than Roman generally preferred for their movie nights; but he didn’t think it was enough of a disturbance to truly upset him.

“Virgil is also on his phone,” Logan pointed out mildly. His phone buzzed almost immediately.

Virgil: Traitor

“Yeah, but he’s always on his phone. And his brightness is all the way down!”

Logan’s phone brightness was barely above the lowest setting, but he simply shook his head and lowered it the rest of the way. It wasn’t worth the argument.

“Thank you,” Roman sighed. Joan threw a piece of popcorn at him, and they snorted at the betrayed look he shot them.

Logan looked back to his phone, which showed a notification that Virgil was currently typing. The notification kept disappearing and reappearing, as if to show how indecisive Virgil was about whatever he was trying to say. Finally, another message came up, this one much longer.

Virgil: So this is stupid, like really stupid, but I wanted to ask if maybe me and my dad could come over for thanksgiving. He wants to come see me and eat dinner together and stuff but I don’t want him to go to my apartment. I figured yours is probably clean and you’re the only one without plans. And this is so dumb but I was hoping maybe you’d pretend to be my roommate and we could eat there? You can say no obviously.

Logan read the long-winded message twice, then glanced over at Virgil. He was slowly sinking into himself, but in a subtle way that almost looked like he was just getting comfortable; so no one else had noticed.

Logan thought for a moment, then typed out a reply.

Logan: To be clear, I am not refusing, but why not bring him to your own apartment? Is something wrong with it? Are you and Remy not getting along?

Virgil let out a long breath, slowly untensing. Patton, who was sitting next to him, glanced over at him and whispered something. Whatever he said made Virgil crack a smile, and then Patton went back to watching the movie.

Logan waited, wondering what might have spurred Virgil to make this request. He had never personally visited Virgil’s apartment, so he didn’t know what the issue might be. To his knowledge, the only ones in their friend group who had seen it were Virgil himself, his roommate Remy, and, on one occasion, Roman. Roman hadn’t mentioned anything unusual about the place, though. As for Remy…. Logan glanced over at the other chair, where the young man in question was lounging, catlike, his sunglasses pushed up onto his forehead and a drink in hand as he watched the movie. He hadn’t been acting at all unusual lately, as far as he could tell, and Logan was unsure why he would have agreed to have this movie night with someone with whom he was fighting, let alone to carpool there.

His phone buzzed again.

Virgil: No, everything’s fine with Remy. He’s going to see family, he won’t even be home

Virgil: Plus my apartments a mess

Logan waited for any further explanation, but none came. He started typing again.

Logan: Why not go see your father where he lives, rather than him coming here?

Virgil: He already made the plans and I don’t want to make him change them

Virgil: Please? You’ll get food out of it

Logan considered. It wouldn’t be the worst thing, he supposed, to have company. He didn’t know Virgil’s father, but he hadn’t heard anything bad about him. And Virgil himself was one of his closest friends. Plus, Logan didn’t want to be the reason that Virgil’s Thanksgiving was ruined. He wasn’t close with his own family, and he hadn’t been in years, but he recognized that familial ties were important to other people. Whatever Virgil’s reasoning for not wanting to let his dad see his apartment, Logan supposed it didn’t matter. He could help his friend.

Logan: Tentatively, I agree. I would like to discuss this further, though, beforehand.

Virgil: Thank you thank you thank you

…

“So, how were you hoping to go about this?” Logan asked, leaning against the counter. The two of them were standing in Roman’s kitchen, talking in low tones while the others put the living room back to how it had been before they took it over.

“I don’t know,” Virgil mumbled, pouring himself a glass of tea. “I just—I was hoping I could, like, bring him over to your apartment and we could just eat there. And you could say you’re my roommate and stuff. I’m sorry, it’s stupid.”

“It is odd, I’ll admit, but I wouldn’t call it stupid. However, is deception really necessary?” Logan tilted his had slightly. “Could you not simply tell your father you don’t want to eat at your own apartment?”

Virgil took a conspicuously long sip of his tea, not looking at him.

Logan supposed that that would have to serve as his answer. He straightened his tie. “Alright, so telling the truth is not an option, then. I suppose I don’t object to your plan, provided it doesn’t cause anyone harm. We could prepare the meal in my kitchen, and eat there. Although I am unsure how convinced your father will be that we share an apartment.” Logan’s apartment was very, well, Logan.

Virgil shrugged, looking troubled. No doubt the thought had occurred to him as well.

“Perhaps you could come over on Wednesday,” Logan suggested. “We could put some of your things in my apartment, to help sell the idea that you live there.”

“You’d do that?” Virgil looked surprised.

“Why not? It doesn’t cause me any inconvenience.”

“I’m uprooting your whole week,” Virgil deadpanned. “How is that not inconvenient?”

“Two days is hardly a whole week,” Logan said, waving him off. “Besides, we have the time off, anyway.”

“Hey, lazy butts!” called a voice from the other room. “Come help!”

“Yes, of course,” Logan called back. “Apologies, we were simply discussing something.” He started off towards the others, glancing back at Virgil. “Wednesday, then? Perhaps you could come over around six.”

Virgil nodded, and Logan went to help clean up.

…

Virgil drove to Logan’s apartment complex, swearing under his breath the entire way. Not even the My Chemical Romance CD he had in the player could soothe his troubled thoughts.

This idea was so dumb. It was so dumb. Taking over his friend’s apartment for Thanksgiving just so his dad wouldn’t find out he lived in a run-down dump? Making Logan pretend he was his roommate? Ruining his friend’s day out of his own selfishness? This was so stupid. And rude. He was a bad friend.

And yet, for some reason, Logan had agreed. Why? Virgil didn’t understand it. Logan didn’t owe him anything. They were friends, yes, and had been through quite a lot in the year or so that they had known each other, but Virgil’s request was still a lot. So why was Logan going along with it? It just didn’t make sense. It was like something out of a bad fan fiction.

Except a fan fiction would probably have them end up getting together. Virgil made a face at the thought. He liked Logan, yeah, but as a friend and only as a friend. And he was very sure that Logan felt the same way.

Anyway, whatever his friend’s motivation for agreeing to Virgil’s ridiculous plan, Virgil soon found himself making his way up to Logan’s apartment with a heavy cardboard box in his arms.

Rather than setting the box down to knock or ring the doorbell, Virgil just rammed his knee into the door a couple of times. It did the job.

Sure enough, Logan opened the door a moment later. “Ah, Virgil,” he said, stepping aside to let him in.

“Hi,” he said awkwardly, stepping inside but not moving past the threshold.

“What did you bring?” Logan asked, closing the door behind him.

“A couple posters… favorite mug… random sh*t.”

“Is there only the one box? Or are there more in the car?”

Virgil felt his face go slightly pink. “Just the one.” He’d brought about half of his decorations (he didn’t have a lot) as well as a few other things.

“Well, that makes things easy,” Logan said with a smile. “Come on in; that box looks heavy.”

It was, but not ridiculously so. Even still, Virgil was happy to set it down on Logan’s coffee table.

Putting up Virgil’s decorations didn’t take too long. They put up the posters in the sitting room, in empty places on the walls where they fit in as well as any of Virgil’s belongings would in this apartment. They added Virgil’s favorite mug and bowl to the collection in the cabinets, put his figurines on the shelves, and put his cat-face-shaped pillow on one of the chairs.

“I think that’s it,” Virgil said, peering into the cardboard box once more to check. “You’re sure you’re good with this?”

“I am sure,” Logan confirmed, nodding once. “Besides, it seems a little late to change plans, even if I had for some reason changed my mind.”

“Right,” Virgil said.

“I’m okay with this, Virgil,” Logan assured him. “It’s only one day.”

Virgil nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “Thanks.”

“No problem. I’ll expect you tomorrow.”

…

The doorbell rang, the sound echoing through the apartment. Logan put his textbook to the side, got to his feet, and walked over to the door. When he pulled it open, Virgil stood there, looking sheepish; and behind him was a middle-aged man, smiling and holding a few bags of groceries.

“Hello,” Logan said, stepping aside to let them in.

“Forgot my keys,” Virgil mumbled, clearly his way of explaining why he’d had to knock on “his” apartment door to be let in.

“Hello,” said the man who must have been Virgil’s father, sticking out a hand. “I’m John, Virgil’s dad.”

“Logan,” he introduced himself politely, taking the man’s hand.

John’s expression grew confused. “Logan?” He looked towards his son, who made a small choking noise. “I thought your roommate’s name was Remy?”

“That’s our other roommate,” Logan said quickly. “He’s not home.”

“Oh,” he said. “Virgil, you never told me you had two roommates.”

Virgil shrugged, scuffing the toe of his shoe nervously on the floor. Apparently that sort of body language wasn’t too out of the ordinary, since his dad just set the grocery bags on the counter.

“Well, would the two of you like to help me cook? I picked up a few things on the way here. Nothing fancy, but it should make for a good meal.”

Virgil’s eyes widened. He opened his mouth, and Logan realized he was about to make an excuse for him not helping.

“I’d love to,” he said before his friend could do so. Technically, they were guests in his apartment, even if one of them didn’t realize it. It would be rude to not help prepare the meal, wouldn’t it?

…

“I think we should all go around and say what we’re thankful for. What do you two say?”

Logan, who had been carefully filling his glass with his favorite cinnamon tea, looked up. Across the table, Virgil’s dad was watching them both with a smile.

Virgil slowly nodded, then glanced at Logan. His expression said, please?

“That sounds like a fitting course of action,” Logan said, setting down the pitcher of tea. Sharing what one was thankful for was the sort of thing families did in movies on Thanksgiving. He’d never done it before, but he assumed he could figure it out quite easily.

Virgil’s father, John, gave him a curious look when he spoke—he did whenever Logan did, like he was trying to figure him out. Logan paid it no mind. Most people did that sort of thing when they first met him. Patton’s parents had done the same thing, the first time he joined them for Christmas.

“I’ll go first,” John said. He looked at Virgil. “I think you know what I’m thankful for. I’m thankful for my wonderful, smart, kind, compassionate son, who is perfect just as God made him. I’m thankful for my job, for this meal, for the health and happiness of my family, and for this life that I’ve been able to live.”

Virgil had gone as red as a tomato. He poked at his plate with a fork, mumbling something along the lines of “How am I supposed to respond to that?”

“Virgil?” his dad prompted, clearly amused at his son’s flustered appearance.

“You,” Virgil grumbled. His eyes darted towards Logan. “My friends.” He kept poking at his plate, addressing the mashed potatoes. “My job. Music. Spiders, except when they scare Patton.”

Logan nodded sagely. Patton could be quite the arachnophobe.

“What about you, Logan? Care to share?”

It was Logan’s turn to hesitate. “I am also thankful for my friends,” he said slowly. “And my health.” After complications from a seriously injury earlier in the year, Logan could say with certainty that he no longer took that for granted. “And for… occasions like this.”

No one made him elaborate. They returned to their meal. They talked, Virgil’s dad asking them both about school, how it was going, what Logan studied, what they were looking forward to in the school year. John talked a little about his job, or at least, about his colleagues at that job. The food that they ate as they talked had clearly been chosen with a budget in mind, but it was quite delicious.

Logan had had very few real family dinners in his life. Logan was glad that he had been able to make this one happen for his friend, even if it did involve some false pretenses. He didn’t know why Virgil didn’t want to let his father see his own apartment, or why Virgil was only seeing his father for the holiday. Perhaps later, Logan could figure out those reasons, and help Virgil remedy whatever the problem was so that he no longer felt the need to lie to his family. But for now, he decided to simply enjoy this meal. Logan could tell that getting to see his dad and sharing the evening with him meant the world to Virgil. And that fact made Logan smile.

[croneboulder]

I would love a reading, if you're still doing them!

Of course hon!!

I’ll be posting a… really weird playlist right after this bc my brain DEMANDED MUSIC to do this reading to. Enjoy that I guess?

Also like. This is basically Call-Out-Post, the Deck, so strap in.

The Present/The Self: Six of Cups

Nostalgia, a want for what once was. You’re looking at a time that was simpler and wishing you were there instead of where you’re at. Dissatisfaction despite positive things and possibilities around you. You may even be in a good position right now, one in which you should be looking ahead, but you’re not.

The Problem: Eight of Cups

Lack of confidence. Dissatisfaction again, but this time towards yourself. Something feels empty and wanting about your life right now, about the track that you’re on. In conjunction with the six, you’re not where you imagined you’d be when you were little. The future isn’t what it appeared to be, or what you felt it could have been. You’re floating, coasting a bit with indecision.

The Past: The Hanged Woman

You were recently between jobs, or between passions, or between… something, I don’t have a clear read on what. Limbo used to be a good thing. Kept you flexible, taught you what you needed and didn’t in your life. It’s where you needed to be at the time, learning what you actually wanted. You weren’t in a situation that allowed for forward movement at the time, anyway. Take stock of what you learned in this time and remember it going forwards.

The Future: The Sun

So since you’re familiar with the tarot I’d like to point something out- no child in this Sun, like in RWS and lots of other decks!! There’s a figure with long hair that implies age and wisdom to me. There’s a bright future and positive emotions here but they aren’t related to something childlike, and it isn’t undirected elation. It’s an earned happiness, a peace after hard work. The future is very bright but its not because you got back to what you had or what you thought you wanted, it will happen when you move past that.

Conscious: Nine of Wands

Mmmmmm, interesting. You’re perhaps hyper-aware of all the work it took to get here. There’s some exhaustion, some bitterness about your journey, but you’re aware that you’ve made strides. You’re looking at a final hurdle with confidence that you can overcome it. I don’t see this as where you’re actually at right now- see the two cups cards for where your brain is at- but where you need to place your mind going forward. Acknowledge past obstacles and all your hard work, but also work to get past the anger about having to deal with all that shit in the first place.

Unconscious: Queen of Swords

You’re not looking at your situation with compassion, but with cold logic. This may be part of the internalized dissatisfaction I mentioned earlier- you’re viewing yourself and your faults with that cold logic and your self-judgement is like ice daggers into the squishy bits. Continue to work to better yourself but make the conscious choice to also handle yourself with patience and compassion, don’t let that unconscious self-doubt be the only voice speaking.

Your Influence: Seven of Cups

Placing illusions on yourself. This is the callout card of this reading I think. Lack of confidence, self-doubt, misplaced focus on the past are blocking you from the truth of your situation, on the opportunities that are actually there. Look at all of your options for what they could be, not what they are at first glance- you won’t make further movement until you can clear your head and do so.

External Influence: Justice

Fairness and culmination of… for lack of a better term, karma? You’ve done hard work and the positive effects are coming around. Those around you are recognizing what you are doing, and you’ll be receiving your just desserts soon. The earth in its orbit is doing its thing, change is happening like it always does and you gotta keep up- the turning of seasons and the natural order of things is in your favor right now.

Hopes and Fears: Four of Cups

You fear all that is available to you is a disappointing status quo. This is blocking your view of possibilities available. You’re hoping for something better and more fulfilling, hoping for a next step that you don’t see yet. I’m getting a really strong hopefulness from this, a focus on better things that isn’t present in the rest of the reading. I think a lot of the cards so far have been tapping into your fears, while this one is saying hey, keep with that hope and focus on it and it’ll go places.

Outcome: Four of Swords

Rest….. or burnout. Your focus is misplaced right now, and getting it back on track will allow you to get places, at which point you can stop moving for a second and breathe. If I’m reading the cards right and you’ve really got that much self-doubt going on, that shit weighs heavy on you after a while!!  Getting out of that place will let you relax. On the other side, keep going the way you are and you’ll just melt from the pressure of what you want, or burn up in the atmosphere of something you can’t handle.

[redamancy-and-daisies]

BROADWAY CHARACTERS  ENNEAGRAM TYPES

1: Natalie (Next to Normal)  “Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic. They typically have problems with resentment and impatience...Basic Fear: Of being corrupt/evil, defective Basic Desire: To be good, to have integrity, to be balanced” 

From the character description from the script:

Natalie: "Diana's daughter. Sixteen and trying to be perfect. It's not going well."

2: Kim (Miss Siagon)- “ Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing...They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed.  Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved. Basic Desire: To feel loved”

example: I’d Give My Life For You

3. Hamilton (Hamilton) - “ Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement.Basic Fear: Of being worthless Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile” 

Do I even have to back this one up?

4. Janis (Mean Girls)- “Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious...they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living.Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)” 

i.e The entirety of I’d Rather Be Me

5. Matilda (Matilda)  “Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation. Key Motivations: Want to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment.”

6. Evan (Dear Evan Hansen) “ Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. they foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion. they will defend their community or family more tenaciously than they will defend themselves.The reason Sixes are so loyal to others is that they do not want to be abandoned and left without support—their Basic Fear.”

His anxiety is made worse by his abandonment issues, he stays friends with Jared even though Jared’s a dick, he puts himself through immense anxiety to deliver a speech of hope he believes applies to everyone except himself (he did bad things too I know)

7. Jesse (Tuck Everlasting) “ Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences...They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. 

Happy about immortality.Shooting his father. Climbing every tree/silo/anything. Proposing marriage to an 11 year old. Problematic Tree Boy #2 (Evan is #1)

8. Jack (Newsies):  “ Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering.Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable.Basic Fear: Of being harmed or controlled by others Basic Desire: To protect themselves (to be in control of their own life and destiny)

I would say this one applies bc of the fear of being harmed or controlled AND fear of loved ones being harmed or controlled.

9. Audrey (Little Shop of Horrors): “Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting.Basic Fear: Of loss and separationBasic Desire: To have inner stability "peace of mind"

sweet sad gal just wanted to be a happy housewife too bad she got eaten by a homicidal alien plant. rip

[thedeviljudges]

bc i’m an indecisive asshole, here’s what would be the first chapter to this fic.

tattoos on the ether

Steve looks up at a brightly lit pink neon sign and thinks what the fuck have I gotten myself into.

He knows, of course, exactly what the fuck he’s gotten himself into and wonders when he traded any form of rational he’d managed to maintain in that stupid brain of his for ideas of grandeur and open roads. Steve’s travelled a few times in his life, mainly vising what little family he has out of state, but diving head first into the unknown was a plan he sure as shit hadn’t thought through.

Excluding the Upside Down, of course.

Not like he has time to ponder the possibility of that mistake when his next thought bubbles up without warning, toeing the line of desperate and annoyance when Steve feels the growl of his stomach. He doesn’t think he craves the salty bite of another greasy burger; in actuality, the notion makes him want to throw up, but it’s all he’s got, and his body needs sustenance, and diner number seven doesn’t look as bad as it sounds.

That’s what he tries to tell himself ever since he left Hawkins, passing through the Midwest on a one-way ticket to hell because he realized, quite quickly, just how similar these parts of the country are akin to the standard textbook definition: boring with a side of corn fields and cows. Steve could complain, knows that every bone in his body is screaming that if he doesn’t move, they’ll twitch until numbness takes over. It’s the last stop for miles if the crumbled-up map near his feet is worth its salt, and Steve doesn’t think he can go another few hours without anything solid in his stomach. The junk food he’d purchased over the course of the journey has accumulated as a stock-pile of goodies in the backseat of the car. There’s still plenty of it for consumption, but Steve’s sweet tooth isn’t opulent and very much like a diner burger, the thought of eating another Twinkie makes his tongue dry, throat constricting.

The fact that his blood is not a solid stream of white sugar is a miracle in and of itself, really.

“So, are you paying, moneybags?”

Steve breathes deeply and refuses to look at the driver of the car – the car he chose to sit his ass in and leave his home for because he really is a fucking moron who thought that maybe an adventure had its merits. Turns out, all it’s left him with is sore muscles and little patience because sometimes Billy doesn’t know when to keep his fucking mouth shut.

Rolling his eyes, Steve slides his fingers over the latch on the door, waiting. “How long are you going to be mad at me for?”

In a quick reply, Billy shrugs. Steve sees it out of the corner of his eye, still refuses to look at Billy and his temper he’s settled in for over a day. “Dunno,” he finishes, leather jacket creeping past his neck as he stares Steve down with a petulant expression behind the reflection of his glasses. Steve doesn’t need to see Billy’s eyes to know that he’s unhappy with their affair, and Steve isn’t entirely happy to say that it’s all his fault.

But it sort of is.

“You didn’t plan on telling me about the couple grand you stashed away,” he says, refuses to watch Billy pull his shades down the bridge of his nose, far enough to look over the lining while blinking directly at Steve like he’s boring into his soul. He’s settled deep into his seat, knees stretched wide as if there’s any room in the car for such a position, but he waits, expectantly, for Steve to make amends with a particularly good explanation, one he’s definitely not going to get right now when he’s being stubborn, “so, I’m thinkin’ I’ve got a little while longer to keep you on your toes.”

Sometimes, sometimes Steve wonders why the fuck he bothered, why the absolute fuck he went along with Billy’s plan to get the fuck out of Hawkins, why he chose Billy to spend his time with – to sleep with, for god’s sake – because this is an unruly amount of absurdity. Steve knows Billy’s tendency to stew on his emotions until he no longer finds them valuable, and this, Steve thinks, needs to be nipped in the bud before they end up hurtling towards no return. “You’re so fucking ornery,” he says, the crook of his brow a statement of clarity - Billy’s not the only one unimpressed.

Their emotions, rising high like the tide, are mainly due to circumstances and cramped spaces, the car occupied by two persons for an extended period of time without reprieve from each other. It’s been a good lesson for Steve, if anything, that as much as he loves Billy, he definitely needs his space, space in which he hasn’t had for about a solid week since they started their journey with nothing but a few duffle bags and the clothes on their back.

Also, the stash of money Steve had hidden in his, but that’s beside the point.

“I really can’t believe I put up with you.”

Billy snorts, but a wolfish grin splits his face into childish pride. He slides the glasses right back onto his nose before straightening in his seat, and just like Steve, he curls his fingers around the door handle, not waiting for a prompt to crack it wide open so the heat of summer quickly fills the car. “Looks like someone’s picked up a dictionary lately.”

Steve feels it, the way his nostrils flare, the turn of his lips as they settle into a deep frown. He’s an idiot; he knows this, but the matter isn’t meant to be brought in between an argument. As best as he can, Steve ignores the comment and the curl of hurt in his chest, lips thinning as he shakes off the bullshit with a simple, “Go fuck yourself,” as he opens the car door. Long-limbed and lanky, Steve doesn’t exert himself as he peels himself out of the car, turning quickly to duck down and smile sarcastically at Billy who looks more than a little annoyed. “You can starve.”

The slam the door makes is satisfying, only an added bonus to his pent-up frustrations. Steve knows they won’t stay mad at each other for long, and he also knows that really, he’s in the wrong for what he’d done – mainly for what he didn’t do, but he thought it the best decision at the time, made it last minute and stressed himself out to the point of no return.

Lying to his partner had never been his modus operandi, but some decisions needed figuring out before they were exposed to the light, and unfortunately for Steve’s, his timing had run out long before he’d been ready. As much as he’s at fault, however, he also knows that Billy is, too. For not letting him explain, for shutting off his emotions until the only thing he could say were one word replies that left Steve drained, completely ready for sleep to take him. He’s glad, if anything, that they’re speaking to one another, although it’s with passive aggressive intensity. But somewhere deep inside, Steve also feels Billy’s lack of presence, that solid weight he’s grown accustomed to now hollow from the distance between them.

Steve is utterly fucked.

The gravel under his feet gives off a satisfying crunch every time he steps across the rocks. Steve approaches the diner, already smelling grease and salt and hopes that maybe a salad might be an option on the menu, if only because his organs are begging. Behind him, Steve hears Billy fumbling behind him, curses spilling from his lips as he grabs his keys and slams the door shut. He catches up to Steve easily without losing breath, and the sunglasses are gone, eyes narrowed in the light of the setting sun. “I didn’t mean that,” he says lowly, but Steve pays him no mind as he opens the diner’s door and walks inside.

As expected, Billy follows him to a booth like they’ve done since the start of their journey. If it weren’t for the deep shades of red all along the walls and booths, Steve might’ve guessed they’d been here before, same diner, same small town in the middle of nowhere. But this isn’t full of pastel colors, and the building is practically empty save for a booth in the very back filled with older women; the shuffling of bodies behind the counter feel like busy little ants, hoping for the day to be over.

“Yes, you did,” Steve says a few minutes later, refuses to let Billy off the hook for his insult, and fortunately, he has the decency to look embarrassed for the comment. Not that Steve even minds much anymore, accepted the fact that maybe there were some things that weren’t his forte and that yes, Billy was definitely much better at stuff than him, but it didn’t stop the pang of regret for not being what he should’ve been from the beginning.

Just like Billy has his own regrets for not being what he should’ve been either.

Steve really hates that they’re two peas in a pod, doesn’t understand why they lucked out with underhanded disciplinary figures rather than parents who should’ve-

“I didn’t,” Billy insists, cuts Steve away from the trill of thoughts he doesn’t need right now, hates that Billy’s words even affected him like they did. He sits directly across from Steve, but he doesn’t miss that look in Billy’s eye, the one that showcases his true intentions if he were only allowed that in public.

Steve bristles and tells himself that as soon as he eats and they leave, Billy will be his again.

Still, Steve’s slightly apathetic, but it’s at a lot of things and not just towards Billy. He thought- well, he didn’t exactly know what he thought, but he hadn’t expected their road trip to last this long, and he sure as hell hadn’t expected to get into any arguments with Billy either. In fact, he hadn’t planned on them playing forerunner to the second half of summer, but to be fair, Steve hadn’t planned on doing anything with his time to begin with, not with the looming notion that he’d have to make a choice about his future and soon because his father wasn’t the kind to give him an extension between choosing a college that would take him or finding a position within his father’s company. A simple nine-to-five job wasn’t so bad, Steve knew; it was respectable, and the benefits were good as got, but neither option appealed to the likes of Steve who didn’t know enough about the world or himself to make that kind of permanent decision.

At least, not as appealing nor as permanent as Billy’s offer had been when he’d asked Steve if he’d join him.

“You say what you mean,” he says, and it’s a quality that Steve, in any other circumstance, respects because Billy’s brash, and sometimes he doesn’t think before speaking, but at least he has the room to speak from his heart while learning to tame the bite of anger that’d held him hostage for so long. “And I appreciate that,” and he flicks his gaze to the other side of the building, over Billy’s shoulder where he spots a waitress on shift smacking gum, pulling out two menus that will surely end up at their table, “but you know why I did it, and more importantly, why I was waiting to tell you.”

Billy doesn’t look hurt, not anymore, but he does look a cross between wanting to be pissed and calm understanding. “So, you were going to tell me, then?” he asks resolutely, the vulnerability creeping into the tone of his voice.

It makes Steve’s gaze flicker back to Billy’s, the boy slouched in his seat very much like he was in the car, with one arm across the back of the booth, brow pinched like he’s gauging whether Steve’s fucking with him or not. The confusion itself is adorable, but Steve keeps that to himself, resolves that if he hadn’t known who Billy was, this would certainly be a sight to behold and how it’s about to become one as soon as he hears the clacking of shoes approaching.

Steve knows the setting is a disaster in the making, bites his tongue at the notion of jealously playing into the fine strings they’ve already pulled. Billy’s never been one to hide his shame, least of all when he gets what he wants with a thinly-veiled smirk, leaving Steve’s jaw clenched and mildly resentful in which Billy’s motions roll over from vulnerable to smooth.

Steve’s never held an ounce of it in his life, Kings Steve moniker be damned.

“Anything to drink?” the waitress asks as she finally appears. She looks bored, absolutely dull until she eyes Billy, and Steve rolls his eyes the moment the tension dissipates into something too charged for his liking.

“I’ll ha-”

Steve kicks Billy’s ankle, effectively shutting him up as he politely addresses the woman. “We’ll have water. Thanks.”

She looks between them, probably feels the awkward subtlety that makes itself known as neither Steve nor Billy add another word to the request. Luckily, and as Steve keeps smiling, she leaves the menus and trails off behind the counter to grab their drinks.

“Listen, I don’t know what the fuck crawled up your-”

“We’ve lived on caffeinated beverages for nearly a week now,” Steve insists, voice harsh against the backdrop of relative quiet. He’s not angry, per se, just annoyed about a lot of things, and one of them is the lack of sleep that pulls shades of purple and blue and heavy under his eyes. He’s sure if he found a mirrored surface, he’d notice the discoloration tethering him to the discontent that suddenly hits him twice fold. He doesn’t want to be here, and he doesn’t feel like arguing anymore. What he wants is food and a place of rest that isn’t a lowered seat in the car. “Do me a favor; humor me.”

Billy breathes deeply, agitation painted clearly across his brow, so different from the smile he’d given the woman who took only half their order. The cocky demeanor loses itself the longer they sit in silence, the longer the subject of their animosity remains unresolved. Billy turns his attention to the menu like he hasn’t seen the exact same offerings everywhere else, and suddenly, Steve feels bad, the curve of Billy’s shoulders falling as he keeps to himself. It’s so unlike him that Steve reaches out, hesitantly scanning their surroundings before brushing his pinky across the back of Billy’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

It’s weighted, that word. Not just for his behavior but for the incident at large. It makes Billy sigh, finger twitching underneath Steve’s touch. He doesn’t pull away nor swat at Steve like he’d once done back in Hawkins when Steve attempted affection under the harsh lights and scrutinizing townsfolk that would’ve surely called their bluff.

“For treating me like a child?” Billy proposes, but just like Steve, his tone is cracked with unrest.

With his free hand, Steve runs his fingers through his hair, attempting to pull the longer pieces away from his face. It hardly works, and he needs a trim, but that won’t happen ‘til they get where they’re going. So, the best thing he can do is let his hair do what it wants while he attempts to fix what he’s broken. The thought of them snipping at one another for another few days leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. “For that and the other thing.”

Billy finally looks up at Steve through his lashes, fanned out and dark across the skin below his eyebrows. It startles Steve sometimes just how breathtakingly beautiful Billy is when he’s free of annoyance, of any lingering emotions that hardens his gaze, his body, and more importantly, his heart. Steve may not always recognize the plethora of emotions that crosses Billy’s eyes while they stare at one another, but he does identify that susceptibility in them and thinks how lucky, how lucky he is that Billy trusts him that deeply.

It’s not as if he doesn’t know he’s fucked up because Steve does, but it hits him again like freight train, and if he wants this fixed between them, it has to happen now. Not later, not tomorrow. Now. So, Steve pulls himself together, and he says, “I wasn’t trying to lie to you.” They may be on the cusp of adulthood, but neither of them are children, and if they’re going to make this work, then Steve has to get used to open and honesty as he’d begged Billy to be with him once before. “I knew you wouldn’t react,” he pauses, unsure of admitting what he really thinks; it’s not unlike Steve to have his own faults – he really is missing a screw or two – but under the concern of money, Billy’s never accepted the kindness when offered, “favorably.”

After the waver of confusion, Steve expects Billy to say something rigorous, always a smart mouth when he’s keyed up over whatever’s pissed him off. Instead, Steve glances down at their hands as Billy flips the script, releasing the menu and shifting so that Steve feels the brush of fingers against one of his knuckles. “You’re sure that’s it?”

A constricting chest is not what Steve had in mind in lieu of his many other emotions, but it seizes him anyway, that choked off feeling he gets when he wants to cry. Sometimes simple reassurances aren’t enough, but Steve hopes that maybe one day they’ll get there. “I didn’t take the money because I can’t live without it, Billy,” he says because that’s the truth. Sure, part of him knows he’ll feel stifled stress in a few months’ time when the money he’d procured from his father’s office, the green that’d ultimately landed in his duffle, runs dry. By then, it’ll be meager earnings from whatever source of income they procure as survival, but the notion hadn’t stopped Steve from saying yes to Billy. It still doesn’t make him backpedal, eager to return to Hawkins as soon as the Camaro rolls towards the nearest bus stop.

Steve’s lived with money all his life, never had to want for naught, and the differences between him and Billy are as wide as the Grand Canyon, but Steve also knew just how easily he could, and did, give it up for something he knew was so much better. Billy hadn’t made him any promises, and Steve didn’t expect them. The road ahead had always been bumpy, but Steve knew he had the ability to make it a little less so. “I took it because I knew you didn’t have a plan. Not a full one anyway.”

Which is the truth of the matter. The thick bruises around Billy’s collar bones are proof enough of that; same as the deep cut across his shoulder, the desperation in his eyes when he’d knocked on Steve’s door at eleven in the morning with nothing more than his car and a packed bag. “My parents won’t miss it,” he continues, and that may or may not be the truth either. Steve’s sure they’ll notice, hopes they’ll find the note he left because at least he had the decency not to let them believe he’d disappeared without a trace.

But aside from that, they’ll think him ungrateful, at the very least, where he’ll call back home and talk to his mother, set the record straight that he’s doing what he should’ve done ages ago. His father will be angry; he’s sure of it, but his mother will forgive him and ask him to visit when he can. “I’d rather be prepared so we’re not sleeping in another shitty motel, or god forbid, your cramped car,” he says, and he swears he sees a grimace on Billy’s face, though brisk as it may be. “We’ll have enough for a place, a roof over our head until we can figure out what to do.”

The clacking of heels follows Steve’s admission, giving him enough time to retract his hand, sitting back in his seat while Billy bites his lower lip in contemplation. Two glasses of water, filled to the brim with ice, are placed before them, and when the waitress asks if they’re ready to order, Steve gives her a gentle smile this time, lacking force and hostility he hadn’t really meant before. She seems to take it in kind, smiling back as she stuffs her hands into the pockets of her apron.

“Eggs and bacon,” Steve says, going on to add, “for the both of us. Thank you.”

And when she leaves, Steve trails his finger through the condensation melting off his glass, giving Billy time to rove through Steve’s words like he might find fault with them. Before, when he’d found the money, he’d hardly given Steve the chance to explain, nostrils flared and color filling his cheeks when he’d asked what the fuck is this, Steve?

“I wasn’t thinking when I told you I was leaving,” Billy eventually says, catching Steve’s attention. He’s not looking at him, though, as he confesses his errors, staring out of the window at the lull of the highway just off in the distance. There’s only a few cars that pass given they’re in the middle of practically nowhere, but some roll on by, eighteen wheelers on their heels. “But it was better than the alternative.”

The alternative sends a shiver up Steve’s spine, knows for a fact that Billy has difficulty expressing the intricacies of his home life, or what it once was. Previously, an utterance made bold through liquid courage had been enough for the both of them, for Steve to understand the implications and that bruises in the shape of fingers aren’t just earned; they’re given out freely under every pretense imaginable. False ones included.

“I don’t fault you for that,” Steve says solemnly, hopes that Billy doesn’t regret the decision he’d made by asking Steve to come with him because he doesn’t regret following. Despite their cramped conditions, the long drives, and whatever station they sparsely transmit through the radio, leaving Hawkins without looking back has provided Steve with a new sense of self, an undercurrent of freedom and excitement that his hometown had never given him before.

It’s like he can properly breathe for the first time, and Steve knows that Billy feels the same way, too.

“That’s what I do, Steve, what I’ve always done.” Billy shrugs, the click of his tongue on the heel of sarcasm, a retrospective look of near defeat as he forgoes their usual address for something more meaningful. Like Billy’s purposefully tapping into the ether of his heart, wants Steve to understand the desperation that sent him on a voyage back to the only place he could ever call home. “I figure shit out.”

It makes sense, the life of one Billy Hargrove akin to a tornado that stirs up as much trouble as it finds him. Steve can’t imagine the lack of stability, of having to navigate the floorboards and delicacies of words. But Steve also understands Billy’s point, that having resorted to a weighted lightness has only left him in a peculiar spot, the drive amid instinct and survival. No plans had been made with a knock against wood, and somewhere, hope always existed because Billy’s always been savvy on his own.

On his own. By himself.

Steve sucks in a breath, sharp and meant to draw Billy back to him, and it works. Billy’s blue, blue eyes, illuminated by the sun through the window, rest upon Steve in a heartbeat. Briefly, he wonders what Billy sees, how Steve looks in day old clothes, hair free of any product aside from water and the small bottles of shampoo and conditioner they’re gifted every night. It hardly matters, though, Steve leaving behind someone he used to be, someone he used to know, and surely, the same can be said for Billy.

“Not anymore,” he says, resilient in nature as he pushes the point that loneliness will haunt no further. The apologies, and whatever else he’d planned on saying, drift into the air like floating feathers, catching Billy by surprise and belatedly, with understanding.

It takes a moment, but only that, for Billy’s resolve – the one he’d always had buried beneath as a contingency - to smother itself into fragmented pieces. Steve watches as it cracks and bleeds, the fine lines between Billy’s brow, and the ones near the corner of his mouth, smooth away.

For the first time, Steve thinks this is truly a new beginning.

It takes the serving of their food for the spell to break, but even then, Steve feels whatever unspoken conclusion they’ve come to just underneath his skin, buzzing with delight and warmth.

And it’s not until they’ve cleaned their plates, Steve pulling out a few bills to pay for their meal, that Billy eyes him, the check, and the moment the waitress carries it all away.

“Not anymore,” he says quietly, and this time, Steve knows Billy believes it.

[stophfoot]

The 3-4 Defense

Former NFL coaching great Bill Parcells didn’t invent the 3-4 defense, but his scheme was the backbone behind two New York Giants’ Super Bowl titles in 1986 and 1990. From 2001 to 2004 Bill Belichick, an understudy of Parcells, used the 3-4 to win three Super Bowls with the New England Patriots. On the college level, former Belichick assistant Nick Saban has used the 3-4 scheme at Alabama to pro- duce three BCS National Championships from 2009-2012.

The obvious difference between the 3-4 and the more-common 4-3 is one less down lineman, allowing a defensive lineman to be replaced with a linebacker. How- ever, controlling the line of scrimmage with three defensive linemen against five offensive linemen requires exceptional size (around 6’-2”, 300 pounds minimum) and strength (400-pound bench-press, 500-pound squat). Typically, 3-4 defensive linemen have to control two gaps, and the nose guard has to be big, strong and ag- gressive enough to require a double-team block from the center and a guard, in order to free linebackers to make tackles. Defensive linemen in a 4-3 front are required to use quickness and speed, along with movement such as slants and loops, to penetrate gaps. But in a 3-4 defensive linemen have to take-on and defeat blockers. The 3-4 nose guard plays the most important position in the scheme, and the most physically demanding position in football because he has to constantly battle two blockers. Al Groh was a protégé of Parcells in both college and pro football and is an- other master of the 3-4. Groh recommends not only coaching players on the field to defeat blocks but making physical, aggressive play part of the team’s overall cul- ture. It must become part of the team’s mindset from the beginning, in January, when offseason training begins. Groh emphasizes the 3-4’s flexibility as a primary reason for utilizing the scheme. On paper, a 4-3 weak-side end is replaced with an outside (Jack) line- backer in the 3-4; which means (ideally) a 6’-5”, 275-pounder with 4.8-second (40- yard dash) speed is replaced with a 6’-3”, 245-pounder with 4.5-second speed. The Jack linebacker provides the flexibility of pass coverage or rushing the passer with- out negating run support. Even from a base 3-4 the defense is prepared to stop the run, defend up to five receivers, or rush the passer, which leads to fewer substitutions compared to the 4-3 and other schemes. Flexibility is the reason why good 3-4 defenses rarely get beat for a big pass reception on a ‘running down’ such as second-and-short; or a draw play on third-and-long. After beginning his coaching career as an assistant at Albemarle High School in Virginia in 1967, Groh has served as a head coach in college and the NFL. He’s also been an offensive/defensive coordinator, and has coached defensive linemen, linebackers, tight ends and special teams as a position coach. His experience with the 3-4 includes coaching the Giants’ linebackers from 1989-91, and coaching ‘backers at Cleveland while Belichick was head coach in ’92. He was also Parcells’ defensive coordinator from 1993-96 with the New Eng- land Patriots. He coached linebackers again under Parcells at the New York Jets from ’97-99. Groh also used the 3-4 as head coach of the New York Jets in 2000 and at Virginia from 2001-2009; and while he was the DC at Georgia Tech from 2010-2012. The 3-4 operates particularly well with zone-blitz packages. A zone blitz works by dropping a defensive lineman into short to intermediate zone pass coverage to take the place of a blitzing linebacker or defensive back. From a 3-4 set the rush can come from either Mike and/or Will linebackers inside, Sam and/or Jack out- side, or a safety or corner that’s in the box. The movement of a lineman dropping back into coverage while a linebacker or DB rushes adds to the confusion of deter- mining who to block. It also affects the quarterback’s progression; particularly when he tries to exploit a soft spot or a personnel matchup. Belichick’s 3-4 scheme has been developed with more than 30 years of NFL scrutiny. His Patriots’ defense is built upon four principles: Leverage, Attack, Wall and Square. Leverage is both a physical advantage, such as gaining leverage to block or tackle, and a player’s position on the field during a play. In Belichick’s 3-4, the outside linebacker is the force player and gains leverage by setting the edge and forcing the ball carrier inside. Attack is self-explanatory, but knowing where to attack is the key. For instance, if the outside linebacker attacks a scrambling quarterback by running inside and not setting the edge outside, there’s a big chance of a long sideline run if he miss- es the tackle. Wall in the Patriots’ system refers to the defense ‘building a wall’ to force the running back to make indecisions. Separation in the wall, or gap re- sponsibilities of the front seven, creates seams that a runner can penetrate. Square refers to each player staying square to keep the wall intact. If a player is turned sideways a seam is created. When viewed from the end zone, the back num- bers of each defensive player should be visible. Defensive linemen and linebackers must stay square when confronting blockers; safeties stay square and read the run- ning back’s shoulders; everybody plays read and react. Regardless of the players that are available Belichick believes the 3-4 is the most flexible defense that a team can field. Flexibility made it easier for the Patriots to reload on defense in the draft and free agency during their run of a record three Super Bowl titles in four years. It allowed Belichick to deploy as much coverage flexibility as possible in order to nullify the opposition’s best receiver. New Eng- land’s primary coverage in the 3-4 was ‘quarters’ with four deep and three under; it also plays Cover 3. New England ran a two-gap (head-up alignment) 3-4 with a goal of the front seven holding the ball carrier to three yards or less per carry. If a linebacker was committed to just one gap, a safety or corner would provide run support. If the defensive line didn’t play a two-gap scheme, the secondary was added into run- game defense. The Patriots were coached to meet blockers face-to-face and to never use a ‘wrong arm’ technique. Staying square was overemphasized because penetration in the two-gap scheme can result in long gains.

[im-moved-yall-blog]

Fuck you, Talisha

I got tagged.

I am dying inside.

And go ahead and tag me in these I guess they are pretty fun. (I just don’t have enough peeps to tag yet. So… Talk to me!)

Tagged: @daily-cubchoo

Name: Talon

Nickname: don’t have any?

Gender: no

Star sign: Taurus, baby

Height: 5'6… I *think*. Maybe.

Sexuality: Ace… But like. I don’t know the “-romantic” bit bc I’ve really only liked one person seriously and he’s pretty great actually

Hogwarts house: Slytherin (I know we get a bad rep)

Favorite animal: red panda. Off the top of my head. I’m actually very indecisive so I’ll just say this for now before I start thinking of other animals.

Average hours spent sleeping: I don’t have a damn clue. It fluxes, I’m supposed to be asleep right now but I’m obviously not. Sometimes I’ll wake up at one/two/three -ish and mumble to my bf but other than that I don’t know. Other than its not nearly enough time.

Dogs or Cats: cats!!!! I love cats!!!! All the cats! All of them! I actually have another OC planned for cats…

Blankets I sleep with: two. Thick, white one w a smaller, thinner one w fall leaves printed on it on top. I also sleep w my hoodie on most of the time, currently my bf’s hoodie.

Dream Trip: meh. I’d love to go to San Fran, even if I couldn’t live there.

Dream Job: animator!!!! And if I can’t do that, and illustrator would work too!

When the account was made: um… This one? About… Six or seven months ago? But I’ve been on tumblr for about two years.

Why the account was made: just to reblog stuff mostly.

# of followers: idk like… Eight?

URL reason: idk man it sounded nice to me

Tagging no one, bc I’m lonely.

OH WAIT

@dertoderto

You have to do this. Its obligatory.

[rollychan]

Mwahaha...you asked for it. OK 2, 3, 6, 7, 9 oh man this is a lot 16, 31, 32, 33 uhhhh shoot 36, 39, 40, 44 you know what fuck it just do the whole damn list man (ps I can totes send you a shorter list this is ridiculous I just started reading the list of questions and this happened I'm so sorry)

Oh boy, I wasn’t expecting any asks on that meme anymore lol But I really wanted to do that one so thanks

Answers under the cut (bc I’m nice and won’t make everyone scroll down endlessly to finally get past this post just because I can’t keep it short for the life of me lol)

2. Favorite genre of fic?

I’m sorry that I’m so boring, but I have to say romance lol (because the right romance fics are so much better than most published romance novels). But I also love love love some other plot in it. Actually, I don’t think I really have a set favourite genre? Whatever speaks to me, basically? Many of my favourite fics aren’t really all that similar to each other. But I guess since I’m looking for romance stuff the most, it’s romance.

3. Favorite fandom? 

Another tough question because I am so very indecisive, I can’t have a favourite fandom. I love many fandoms. I mean, I guess I’d have to say Harry Potter because somehow, I’m always coming back to it because there are just so many quality fic in there if you know where to look. It’s kind of also kind of one of my very first fandoms and now I’ve been in it for so long, I can’t just abandon it lol

Just fandom-wise I really really love Haikyuu because that fandom is just so nice? I mean, I’m not all that involved in any fandom I guess, which is why I miss many things and conflicts (e.g. I only found out about all the drama in the MCU fandom re Iron Man vs Cap or the drama in the Teen Wolf fandom through people I follow lol), but the worst I have witnessed in Haikyuu is how some people gave thought-out arguments (without insults) why one character is or is not coded as a “villain” type character (there was/is a dispute about one character because some hate/dislike him and others defend him). And that’s it. Other than that it’s mostly “OMG I LOVE EVERY CHARACTER AND SHIP EVERYTHING” from almost everyone in that fandom lol (or “I don’t care what you ship as long as you let me ship my stuff, ship and let ship”). It’s just really chill. It’s also the fandom that really made me a poly-shipper. Idk, man, I love that fandom.

The Yuri!!! on ice fandom is also really nice. Those people sure like to discuss and explain things lol Also, almost everyone had, literally, the same reactions to the stuff happening in it. Plus, we got a healthy, loving, explicit same-sex relationship in an anime. That’s, like, a really rare thing. The only other genre-anime I know with an explicit same-sex kind-of-relationship is No. 6, and that relationship is so friggin far from healthy it’s not funny (sorry, NezuShi fans, I am a fan of them too, but their relationship throughout the entirety of the series is not healthy by any standard, which is totally explainable by the circumstances, but seriously, they’ll have a lot of growing up to do before it can be called healthy). Anyway, I digress.

6. Favorite fic (or one of them)? 

HOW CAN YOU ASK ME FOR JUST ONE

I shall give you MORE THAN ONE, because I can and I will.

Okay, so, first I just have to tell you about my first absolute favourite fic ever, which, I’m really sorry, but it’s in German and it’s a Yu-Gi-Oh! fic lol

It’s “Paw Prints - Pfotenabdrücke” by someone I’m actually following on here ( @goldandcold ) who is an amazing and talented writer and I really have to read stuff by her again asdfghjkl but atm I’m into very different fandoms and just *cries* I need more time so I can watch the stuff she’s watching and writing for lol can someone, like, gift me a hundred free hours? lol

Anyway, that fic has character death in it, which is something I usually avoid at all costs because I know myself and I know I’ll be depressed about it for at least a week if I read character death. I’m like that lol

But I did because I always make exceptions for writers I like. Well, it became my favourite fic, so I guess I can’t complain. I will always remember the last words in there

“Du bist quer über mein Herz gelaufenwie ein kleiner tollpatschiger Hund über nassen Sandund du hast überall deine Pfotenabdrücke hinterlassen”

which roughly translates to

“You walked across my heartlike a little clumsy dog across wet sandand you’ve left your paw prints everywhere”

asdfghjkl I just love those words, they resonated with me so much and asdfghjk *flails* yeah, first fave fic. (also, now I’m in nostalgia land)

Another favourite fic I love to come back to is “Eclipse” by mijan (Harry Potter this time, back then I read it on fictionalley, but the link doesn’t seem to work atm? Is fictionalley down?). I am still entranced every time I read it and whenever I start it I have to continue reading till the end because I just love it so much. The plot is so amazingly intricate and the character development is THE FRIGGING BEST I CAN’T and everything makes so much sense and asdfghjkl it is just very amazing ok. The amount of detail in that story *sigh* *must resist reading it now before all the exams*

Another two favourite Harry Potter fics are “All Our Secrets Laid Bare” and “Stop All the Clocks”, both by @firethesound. AOSLB is just amazing all around, okay, I even reblogged a rec for it here on tumblr (here). I just love it so very much omg *flails* The idea alone to make them investigate Death Eater safe houses and all the FRIGGING DETAILS IN IT!!!!!! THE DETAILS!!!! SO MUCH LOVE!!!! (yes the exclamation marks are necessary)

I wrote a rec myself for Stop All the Clocks here. Weirdly, it also has major character death in it. But, same as above, I do make exceptions for writers I really like. That fic destroyed me though. I absolutely love the parallels in that fic, too. And how it spans many years. Just. Very beautiful, very touching, very sad. Which is why it’s great that there is AOSLB. I also still have to read all the other fics because I just KNOW they’re ALL amazing

And I’m still not done with the fave fics, guys. I’m sorry I can’t keep it short *cough*

Moving away from Harry Potter... the next one is for Free! Anime again lol It’s, weirdly, another fic that doesn’t end all that happily for the romance, and the fic is “With Vega At Your Left” by threesmallcrows. It’s a different take on a soulmate AU. Like, when the person you’re in love with isn’t your soulmate. A side character also deals with an abusive soulmate. Basically, everything that can go wrong with soulmate marks. And it’s just so real. Trigger warning for attempted suicide though (and mentioned abuse - like, the abuser doesn’t appear in the fic and the abuse is only talked about and the repercussions dealt with, but nothing explicit). I love this fic a lot, but it gives me the sads.

Okay, I still have a few favourite fics but I think I need to stop here, I’ll just link to them:

The Fears are Paper Owls by yaboykeiji (Haikyuu!! Akaashi does time jumps to try to prevent Bokuto’s death - kinda like Butterfly Effect)

Savior by dgalerab (Haikyii!! / X-Men crossover - Haikyuu characters as mutants)

Safety in Silence by survivah (Teen Wolf canon divergent soulmate AU with the soulmate “condition” not necessarily being reciprocated, lots of Sterek pining and friendship and angst, really slow-burn and really sweet and cute, very fluffy too, awesome idea to make it different for different species! Also, werewolves and other species are known to humans etc)

Gravity’s Got Nothing on You by FairyLights101 (Teen Wolf Sterek pretend to be dating AU, also the-Hales-survived AU and Laura is an important character in that fic, and because the Hales survived, Allison also lives, double yay)

Seven Deaths by x-parrot (One Piece, no pairings (le gasp!), just Zorro+Sanji friendship, there’s violence (torture) in it, it’s not very explicit, but be warned)

Aaand I think I’ll stop here.

7. One-shots or longfic? 

I think, if you look at my favourite fics, you have the answer lol. Many of them are 100k+, so yeah, longfic lol I love the development that is possible in longfics. I do like shorter fic too, though in my mind, one-shot just means it’s all in one chapter... and there are 20k one-chapter fics out there, you know. But! I do also like short stuff, it just doesn’t really end up being among my favourites.

9. What is the longest fic you’ve read? 

Tbh, I don’t remember, but Eclipse is over 287k words long, and I’m not sure if I’ve read anything longer than that.

16. How do you feel about character death in fic? 

I think I’ve answered that somewhere in that novel above lol

Usually, I avoid it like the plague because I get the sads and am down for days afterwards. It’s not that I think those fics are bad or anything. It’s just that I want happy endings lol My heart can’t take too much sad. This doesn’t change even when I make exceptions, so that’s kind of the downside I have to live with when I do lol

In published novels and movies and series etc I don’t mind character death, but fic... well, fic are different lol

31. Do you read AUs? 

Yes! I used to avoid them, but then I guess some fic changed my mind lol I really love all them tropes, soulmate AUs, fake-dating AUs, police procedural AUs, you name it. For some weird reason I’m not all gung-ho about coffeeshop AUs. I don’t mind them, and I’ll read them if they’re good, but they seem kinda boring to me. (oh, and pls don’t come with a/b/o stuff at me, it squicks me immensely and I hate it)

32. Favorite AU tropes? 

Fake dating! Soulmates! Specifically for Teen Wolf: Allison lives! The-Hales-Survived! Idk, there are too many lol Well, my fave is still the platonic bed sharing one (not sure if that counts as an AU trope, since it could also be written in non-AU fics). I also seem to like time travel / time jumps / time manipulation.

33. Least favorite AU tropes?

A/B/O fics. I just hate them and I don’t even wanna see them, they squick me *shudder* I mean, to each their own, and I wish it at least wouldn’t squick me that much (it’s a physiological reaction, I get the creeps and it’s almost like I feel one step away from nausea - same feeling I get when I see reader x character fic, squicks me too and is the sole reason I never visit the teen wolf tag because it’s full of those), but it does.

36. Do you like crossovers? If so, favorite crossover? 

I do! But I’m kinda still new to them and they’re not my favourite thing, so I haven’t read many crossover fics yet. I really like that X-Men crossover fic I linked to, and I do like Harry Potter crossovers (like, the other characters as witches and wizards in a wizarding school). Other than that I’ve also read a really cool Criminal Minds/House MD crossover once, and a Criminal Minds/Supernatural one too, and they’re pretty cool. Guess I still have to figure out what I particularly like when it’s about crossovers.

39. Favorite AU fic? 

Savior by dgalerab, as I’ve already linked above :D

This is also the fic that really got me into poly ships. The relatioship between the four characters just feels so natural as it develops, it feels like that’s how it should be. It also deals with past abuse and there is 120% consent invovled. It’s just a really good fic ok

40. Do you like fluff?

OMG I LIVE FOR FLUFF

So, yeah, I do lol I mean, I do need other stuff in it too, but I absolutely do like fics that aren’t too serious and where the conflicts aren’t life-or-death or heavy on the angst etc. Like, slice of life kind of stuff.

44. How fluffy is too fluffy? 

There is never a too fluffy +_+

Okay, jokes aside, I do want a plot. A story isn’t a story when there’s no conflict, so that’s that. Though that’s the only requirement for me, really lol Otherwise it can be as fluffy as it gets.

I hope I haven’t forgotten anything lol

Rolly out