#also lol just kicking two people off the company... one of whom was heading the shit against him

[kitwilsonsass]

fuck vince lmao

[yoon-kooks]

Witch Hazel- Pt.6

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: FanficWriter!Jungkook, Idol!Reader, College!AU, Angst, Fluff

Summary: There are two students in your art class with a secret: you and the quiet Jeon Jungkook. You’re a problematic idol singer, infamous for your ice cold reputation and perpetual resting bitch face; he’s the artist and author behind the viral comic series based on a certain ice queen idol. After a blowup of destructive rumors, lost motivation and inevitable solitude, you stumble upon Jungkook’s comic and find a new and unexpected light.

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: none

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // ?

A/N: i’ve had mixed feelings about the tumblr fic community as of late :/ but heres something to read🥺

-

Holding the boy’s pinky in your own, you stare once more at his drawing of you with your guitar and flower crown—a superhero to those whom you shared your music with.

No. Your music hasn’t saved anyone. You’ve never been a hero to anyone. If anything, you’re the one who needs to be saved. You’d always thought you could grow strong enough to save yourself if you just closed yourself off from the world and did everything on your own. But in the end, that only seemed to hurt you more.

You should’ve known. It’s okay to ask for help, to reach out, to let him in.

“A few years ago, I had a thought. It wasn’t a very smart thought, but I decided I wanted to share part of myself with the world. I thought about the different ways I could go about that, but the way that made the most sense for me was music,” you say, finally letting go of Jungkook’s pinky and making yourself awfully comfortable on a bed that doesn’t belong to you. “So I auditioned for Polar Entertainment. Not to be an idol, but to be a songwriter.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything, but he nods as if it’s not a shock to him, as if he saw it as “a Y/N thing to do.” At the same time, his gentle eyes wait for you to continue, curious to know what’ll happen next.

“Do you remember the song you heard me singing the other day in the music room?”

Jungkook cracks a smirk and starts singing your song word for word in a surprisingly in-tune whisper. Oh, he remembers it alright, and he’ll apparently never let you live it down. He doesn’t stop until you throw one of the balled-up blankets at his face.

“That was the first time I picked up my guitar and sang that song since being rejected at the audition.”

“I can imagine how scarring that would be. Rejection,” he shudders at the word, though you’re sure he knows little about the feeling with art skills as professional as his. “They really didn’t like you though?”

“They liked certain parts of me.” Your vocals, your beauty, your body. “But not the ones that mattered.” Your music, your creativity, your personality. You.

“That’s their loss,” Jungkook says in the midst of a yawn, practically inaudible. But you heard him.

“Maybe they had a point,” you say, looking up at the ceiling. “Because when I look back to that time, it was quite foolish of me to believe my music would reach anyone when it came from a place of desperation, not my heart. The song was a plea for help, not one that would save others.”

“What made you suddenly sing it again after all this time?”

You grab hold of the boy’s hand and form yet another pinky promise. “Promise you won’t laugh at me for my reason.”

“I can’t promise you that,” he says with the straightest face. He’s ready to burst out laughing again and you know it.

“Then I won’t tell you.” With a hmph, you bury yourself under the fluffiest blanket. You wonder how he would’ve reacted if you told him it was that dang jk.seagull and his fanfic that gave you the courage to sing again, to go back to your roots, to follow your love of creating music. It’d obviously sound ridiculous to admit it out loud, but the joy you feel from reading Witch Hazel is what reminds you of the very thing you want to provide others with—happiness.

And that’s perhaps all the encouragement you needed to start sharing your music again.

“I won’t tell you what it was exactly that made me do it, but I’ll tell you why,” you peek your head back out of the blankets to see the boy still waiting patiently for an answer. “I wanted to move on… from the failure I faced that day. That way, I can finally become that superhero you speak of.”

You place the drawing of your superhero self onto the nightstand so that it doesn’t get crinkled up on the bed. No, she’s not a superhero yet. But she will be someday.

“I’ll look forward to it.”

“You better not tell anyone,” you remind him. “This isn’t something I share with other people. Ever.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” he assures you, with not only his words but also his warmth.

“Good.” You smile whilst closing your eyes. You meant to tell him that he could confide in you too, but the warmth pulls you into a deep slumber before you could do so.

-

It’s been a minute since you’ve awoken in someone else’s bed, though this is the first time you aren’t all wrapped up in their embrace. Rather, half the boy’s body is hanging off the side of the bed for dear life while you’re right smack in the middle, all bundled up in one of the blankets.

If you wanted to, you could push him over the edge with the tiniest tap of your foot—that’s how close he is to falling. But as tempting as it would be to get even with the boy who teases you to no end, you opt to quietly check your phone without disturbing him.

To your surprise, you have two new notifications: a text from Seokjin earlier this morning and a late-night update from jk.seagull posted sometime after you had passed out. You’ve always been the type to take care of work obligations before indulging in guilty pleasures, so you open Seokjin’s text first.

6:04AM jinnie “so jimin’s manager reached out to me”

6:05AM jinnie “and you want to collab with jimin?”

7:12AM Y/N “oh yeah i asked him to have his manager contact you”

7:13AM Y/N “but i guess i forgot to tell you LOL”

It’s not that you forgot. You were just hesitant to tell your manager about it yourself. Because if possible, you’d like to minimize your own company’s involvement in this top-secret scheme of yours.

7:15AM jinnie “are you up to something?”

7:15AM Y/N “mayhaps”

7:16AM Y/N “but dont tell boss lady pls”

7:17AM jinnie “shes going to find out one way or another”

7:19AM Y/N “thats true 🤔 ”

7:20AM Y/N “well tbh knowing her, she’d probably approve of the collab anyway since it should clear up those dating rumors while (hopefully) appealing to jimin’s fanbase”

7:21AM Y/N “just dont tell her the logistics of the collab”

7:21AM jinnie “what are you scheming lmao”

7:22AM Y/N “youll see”

7:22AM jinnie “ 😒 dont get me or yourself in trouble Y/N”

7:23AM Y/N “i wont! i promise! 🥺 ”

7:24AM jinnie “okay fine”

7:25AM jinnie “ill arrange a meeting with jimin and his manager to discuss everything formally”

As you move on to the more exciting notification on your phone, you see that the sleeping Jungkook has slipped several inches closer to falling flat on his face. Maybe you’ll save him from his impending doom. Maybe you won’t. But that’ll have to wait until after you see what jk.seagull had to say on his blog.

“do you ever think back to that one time in math camp when a little girl screamed in your face that she hated math and wanted to become a musician instead? apparently she somehow confused ‘musician’ with ‘mathematician’ LMAO”

You aren’t sure what provoked the silly seagull guy to share such a random thought, but you do get a good laugh out of it. After all, you can totally relate as someone who went to math camp one summer despite knowing in your heart what you truly wanted to do-

Wait.

“Jungkook,” you say in a half-hushed, half-urgent tone, though calling his name wouldn’t be what actually wakes him from his slumber. “I think I know who the seagull guy is.”

Thud. You swear on your life you didn’t lay a finger on the boy when he fell, despite all the devilish thoughts you had about it earlier. He fell on his own. You’re innocent. Therefore, you have a right to laugh.

“Are you okay?” you snicker, peering down from the bed at the dazed boy. He might have been the biggest klutz for rolling off the bed and stumbling around to find his glasses, but holy shit. His wild bedhead and scattered blankets across the floor make it seem as though the two of you had a lot more than just an innocent heart-to-heart in his bed last night.

“I’m fine,” he stretches his arms and combs the bedhead out. Yes, he is fine. “But, uhh, what’s this about that seagull guy?”

“I think I know him.” You expect Jungkook to be as excited as you are, but he just seems kind of puzzled—perhaps from his lack of sleep.

“…and how did you come to that conclusion…?” he asks. Or maybe he doesn’t believe you.

“You didn’t see the post! Look at the post.” You join the boy down on the floor and make yourself at home there with your phone and some of the fallen blankets. He leans over your shoulder to read the infamous post you won’t shut up about.

“Math camp?” Jungkook continues to squint at the cryptic message before chuckling. “Also, did that girl seriously confuse musician with mathematician?”

“Stop laughing! That dumbass was me.” Now you wish you had kicked his ass off the bed.

He stops laughing, not because you told him to but because he’s mildly shook. “What?”

You take a deep breath in because you know you’re setting yourself up to be clowned for the rest of your fucking life. “When I was like ten, I told my parents that I wanted to be a mathematician, thinking that word meant musician. So they signed me up for camp that summer.”

“Did you ever stop to think that mathematician has the word math in it and not mu-”

You interrupt the boy’s unwelcomed commentary with an air-punch to his guts before continuing on as if nothing happened. “I was so excited until I got there. It was absolutely mortifying to learn that it was a math camp, not a music camp.”

“I like this story,” he nods with his arms guarding himself in anticipation of another air-jab as you square up.

“Still, I tried to make the best out of the situation since I was actually kind of good at math,” you say. “The camp director even told me I’d make a great math professor one day.”

“I can’t imagine you as a math professor.” He settles down with all the chuckling.

“I couldn’t either, so I ran off to an empty room where I thought I could escape without anyone finding me,” you soften your tone. “But somehow a crying, wandering boy found me.”

“Was it the seagull?”

“Maybe. All I remember was hearing music playing from somewhere outside. I sang along as a way to comfort and distract myself from the whole math situation, but it seemed to cheer up the boy as well.”

“Your voice does have that effect, you know.”

“He told me the same thing.” You can’t help but smile a little at the compliment. “But in that moment, it felt like my dream had a purpose beyond fueling my own desires. And I needed to share it with someone. Anyone.”

“So you shared it with the boy?”

You nod. “I told him my dream was to be a mathematician, but he knew what I meant.”

“Did he at least clown you first?”

“He did. He laughed right in my face, and at first I thought he was a jerk for making fun of my dream. But after he kindly taught me the difference between musician and mathematician, I announced my actual dream to him and him alone.”

“And how’d he respond?”

“He said it was cool beans.”

“He said cool beans?”

“Those were his exact words, yes.”

“And that was it?”

“That’s all I can remember.”

“So you don’t even remember his name or anything?”

“We never introduced ourselves,” you shake your head. “I don’t remember his face either because it was covered by a hood and long hair.”

“That’s too bad,” Jungkook sighs. “I bet it really was that seagull guy after all.”

“I have a feeling it was him, too.”

It would be nice and awfully romantic if you had somehow crossed paths long ago with the very seagull who continues to inspire your craft with his own. But even if that isn’t the case, you’re content with having that memory and entrusting it with another boy who has done nothing but lift you up.

You lean yourself gently against the Jungkook’s shoulder as you slip your phone back into your pocket, debating on your next course of action. The two of you should be getting ready for class, but that doesn’t sound very appealing. There are other things you’d much rather be doing, like maybe thanking the boy for lending his ear. But for some reason, it’s still difficult for you to say those two simple words of gratitude.

Perhaps it’s difficult because there’s a lot more you’d say than just “thanks man.”

“Can we just cut class and get coffee instead?” Yes, you’ll thank him for his service by treating him to coffee. Unless…? What if this is just your subtle way of asking the boy out on a date? What if he says no because you’ve already spent way too much time with him in the past 24 hours? What if he hates coffee? What if he-

“We should probably go to class to turn in our project, yeah?” Jungkook brings up a good point. But the thing is, you don’t really have your priorities straight at the moment and your mind has only two things consuming it: coffee and boy. “But we can get coffee after class.”

“Ooh, good, because there’s this one coffee shop I want you to try!” You chirp up despite your nonexistent dose of morning caffeine. “It’ll be my treat as thanks for… letting me hog your bed.”

“Oh right... that,” Jungkook hops to his feet and starts tidying up said bed. You help by picking up and folding all of the blankets. “I nearly froze and fell to my death because of that, you know.”

“I saw,” you bite your lip, trying to mask any naughty thoughts that come to mind. Because next time, if there is in fact a next time, you won’t let the boy freeze.

-

By the time art class ends, the weight of the dreaded group project has been lifted and your craving for coffee begins to settle in once more. And apparently, the hunger and excitement is radiating off you because someone has the audacity to make a comment about it.

“Why does your face look like that?” Taehyung teases, but you’re mildly offended.

“Because I’m getting coffee from my favorite café. That’s why,” you hiss but there’s still a hidden glow about you and your excitement. “Coffee is to me as girls are to you, Taehyung.”

“Ooh, speaking of girls, do any cute girls work there?” He strokes his wise man beard. “Maybe I’ll tag along.”

“I don’t fucking know.” And even if you did know, you wouldn’t say yes.

“How boring,” he yawns while nudging the boy next to him. “Hey Jungkook, wanna go on a double date with me? I met a pair of gamer girls, but I don’t know all the nerdy gaming stuff that you know. And think about it, this could be the first time you get laid since-”

“Actually, Jungkook’s getting coffee with me,” you interrupt. And if you had been brave enough to look up at the boy as you spoke, you would have seen the healthy pink radiance on his cheeks.

“Oh, so the two of you are dating all of a sudden?” Taehyung nods, as if he had hit the mark.

Neither you or Jungkook give an immediate answer, probably due to the unspoken yet very apparent shift in dynamics between the two of you as of late. Yes, you’ve developed certain feelings for the boy, but no, you aren’t technically “dating.” You just hope he’s on the same page as you.

“It’s just coffee,” you want to say, but it comes out of Jungkook’s mouth instead. And even though you would’ve said the same exact thing, it hits a little different hearing it from him.

At the same time, coffee is coffee and Jungkook is Jungkook. You need to remind yourself that your craving for coffee with the boy will be satisfied, regardless of whether it’s a date or not. After all, “dating” is not an option for an idol who should only be focusing on her music and fans.

“Which drink would you recommend?” Jungkook asks as you lead him in the direction of the café.

“If you like coffee, all of the drinks are good in my humble opinion,” you say, though you realize you should probably give the boy a few specific suggestions to make his decision a little easier. “You can get a standard mocha or latte if you want something simple. Or, their signature hazelnut coffee is really really good. Or if you want something iced, you should try the cold brew because it’s literally the most refreshing dose of caffeine ever. Oh! But if you’re into something more plant-based, I suggest the maple oat-”

“You’re not narrowing down my options if you recommend the entire menu, Y/N,” the boy chuckles at your coffee enthusiast behavior.

“Well, here’s my thought process: if we go at least once a week after class, you can eventually try every drink on the menu by the end of the school year. Not including all the different types of milk options though.”

“I don’t know if I should be impressed or terrified that you even bothered to do that calculation.” His eyes are bigger and brighter than the sun. “But that must mean you really like coffee then, huh?”

“Of course! Is that even a question?” The snobby coffee enthusiast jumped out real quick. But even beyond the coffee, you did the calculation to see how long your little coffee not-dates with the boy could last before you have to return to your idol obligations. “You like coffee too, right?”

“Not really,” he sighs. Your jaw drops. Who the does he think he is? “Are there any tea options? Or like a banana milk or something?”

“You can’t just walk into a coffee shop and not order coffee.” Is this guy for real? No, he’s just fucking with you. Probably. “I better start reevaluating who I hang out with,” you say with a sarcastic hmph.

“I’m kidding, kind of.” He doesn’t do a very good job of reassuring you of that. “I like… coffee.”

“That hesitant pause doesn’t sit well with me, Jeon.” You raise an eyebrow at the suspicious boy. It feels nice to tease him for once. “Why are you grabbing coffee with me if you don’t love it?”

“I just curious about this coffee place,” he nudges you, “since someone seems to really enjoy it.”

So it’s because of you…

“Good to know I’ve successfully peer pressured you into consuming caffeine,” you hum, playing it off as if his words weren’t absorbed right into your heart. It was never about coffee.

It’s about you and him.

The thought of that makes your heart scream a little, so you hide your flustered face behind your phone as the two of you approach the coffee shop. You have an unread text from your manager.

2:35PM jinnie “good news”

2:36PM jinnie “i set up a meeting with jimin and his manager in an hour”

You stop in your tracks. That’s not good news. Well actually, it is good for your top secret collab. But the timing of it all is anything but good.

“Are you searching up the menu online? Oh wait, you already have the entire menu memorized from A to Z.” He thinks he’s funny. Now is not the time, Jeon. His teasing smile doesn’t disappear until the distress is written all over your face.

How do you cancel a not-a-date date without a proper explanation? How can you do that to a boy who has only ever done you right? The thing is, you don’t have to hurt him.

You can cancel the meeting, you can bail out on the collab, you can disappear from the idol world altogether if you choose to do so. And if you didn’t want to go that far, you could instead tell the boy of your deepest and darkest secret, of your idol identity, and he would surely understand your reasons for having to leave so suddenly for work.

You could do any of those things, but you decide not to. You won’t allow yourself to make such a rash decision, even if it’s the right one. So you decide to keep the meeting, you decide to keep your idol self hidden in the shadows, and you decide to abandon the boy.

[btsrmono]

Trial & Error | chapter 10

Main Pairing: (jimin): student/idol x (main): foreign student 

Side Pairs: main x taehyung, main x (nct) jaehyun

PART 9

Early in the morning, you were alerted by the blaring sound of the typical iPhone alarm. The one that everyone in the entire world loathes. Your body began to wake itself completely up, you slowly rolling over to the other side of your king sized bed before accidentally hitting something--someone, making you stop.

You then heard a groan, which caused you to finally open your eyes fully. For a moment, you forgot you had company. Kayla started to sit up, rubbing her eyes. You grunted, following her movements and stretching. 

“Heejin, wake up,” Kayla called her in a low tone.

You looked on the floor to see Heejin knocked out, one of your pillows covering her head. “How did she end up there?” you asked, eyes slightly squinted.

Kayla started to take the blanket off her bottom half as she got out the bed, bending down to grab Heejin’s phone. “She tends to do that sometimes,” she explained, gently kicking Heejin while turning off her alarm. “Come on, Heejin. If you don’t get up, you’re gonna be late.”

Heejin finally woke up, rolling on her back, whining. “Just five more minutes, please.”

Kayla rolled her eyes, sitting back down on your bed. “It’s seven, hun. We have to get ready and be there by 9. The audition is in Itaewon, that’s 20 minutes from here by train, come on.”

She took a deep breath and sat herself up on her elbows, looking at you. “Y/n, is it okay if I use your shower?”

You shook your head, not minding in the slightest. “Of course you can. You both can. I’ll whip up some breakfast for us real quick and get ready also.”

They both nodded in approval and you all stood up to get ready for your day.

~~

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

You and Kayla both turned to look at Heejin who was in chair between you both. You guys had only been at the audition place for twenty minutes before she started panicking. 

“Of course you can--”

“No, I don’t think so,” she cut Kayla off. “Look at them.” She was referring to the other contestants surrounding you all, practicing their dancing and singing before being called back. “Should I be doing that too?” she questioned.

You sighed, knowing that it was eating up her subconscious. “Just take a few breaths, Heejin. In and out.”

She took five deep breaths, following your advice, then paused. “Yeah... It’s not working, y/n.” She then started tapping her right leg anxiously. “I know you want to help, but  look around. The competition is real. BBC are only accepting a handful of girls right now, there are at least 100 of us here.”

“But are they you, Heejin?” you began. “Come on, you’ve been wanting this forever now, this is finally your moment to make it happen. I saw what you could do last night, you’re amazing. Don’t let everyone else in this room stand between you and your dream, babes.”

Kayla grinned at you as Heejin slowly began to shake her head, letting what you said sink in as she started to re-scan the room. “Yeah... You’re right. You’re right. I can do this, I got this--”

Just as she was finally starting to to feel comfortable, a door to the back burst open, letting out Group C of auditioners, some of all of them taking the closest exit out of the building, sulking. It seemed none of them made it. However, Heejin’s eyes grew wide when not long after, you all saw a familiar face come out of the back with a judge, handing her paperwork as she slightly bowed and took a seat in the Next Round area, alone. 

“Oh no,” Heejin started. “I do not got this...” She gulped, staring at Jinsoul, whom was reading over the paper just given to her. 

“I-it’s just Jinsoul,” Kayla stated, knowing deep down inside that there was more to it. 

“Just Jinsoul?” she looked at Kayla as if she were crazy. “She’d make a monster trainee, do you know how many companies she’s turned down? That girl is real competition!”

Kayla paused as you bit your lip, understanding what Heejin meant. As Jinsoul’s former best friend, you knew how serious she took every audition she went to, whether she walked away with an offer or not. She had a passion that you had never seen before. In better words, Heejin definitely had reasons to feel worried.

“Well, let’s go ask her for advice,” Kayla suggested, sitting up a bit straighter.

“What?” Before Heejin even got the chance to further protest, Kayla stood straight up, quickly walking over to the Next Round area. 

 “Jinsoul!~” she called out.

Jinsoul prepped her head up, taking her steady eyes off of the paper she had been reading to now focus on Kayla, whom was then taking a seat next to her and talking.

You turned back to a jittery Heejin and gave her a soft smile. “Hey,” you spoke softly. “It’ll be okay. Maybe you should get some pointers from her, she’s been to way more auditions than you.”

“Exactly. Meaning she wants this just as bad as I do, if not, more.” She folded her arms, sighing. “She would never help her opponent pass an audition if it means she may not get it.”

“That doesn’t mean she wants it more, hun... It doesn’t hurt to try. Come on.” You grabbed her hand and stood up, dragging her over to where they were.

Upon arriving, you noticed Jinsoul giving you a silent grin as her eyes glistened. You returned it as you took a seat next to Kayla.

“Look, all I’m asking is that you help Heejin out,” Kayla pleaded. “She needs this more than anything right now.”

Jinsoul scoffed, taken aback. “And I don’t?” 

“Please, you and I both know they're letting more than one girl pass today.”

Jinsoul paused, silently looking at the two girls, reading their faces. She seemed to have been thinking it over. As she suddenly crossed her legs, her eyebrows began to rise, showing that she clearly now had an ultimatum in mind. She then smirked. “What’s in it for me?”

Kayla scrunched her face in disbelief. “Yah! Are you ser--”

Heejin lightly slapped her arm, signaling for her to calm down and keep it cordial. Kayla let out a huff as she rolled her brown eyes, looking back to Jinsoul. “Fine,” she said. “What do you want?”

Jinsoul leaned in a bit. “Get me into Johnny’s party tonight and we have a deal.”

“Wait, that’s all?” Heejin questioned, a smiling growing on her face. Jinsoul nodded in response. “Then it’s done! Just come with us.”

Meanwhile, Kayla looked confused. “You mean to tell me you weren't invited to Johnny’s party?”

Heejin cocked her head in annoyance. “Not like its any of your business... but no. Which I find to be extremely shady, so that being said, I have no choice but to go now.”

“Yikes.”

“If it makes you feel better, I wasn’t invited either,” you chimed in. You honestly hadn't heard a word about the party until just then.

“Yes you were,” Kayla stated, mimicking a Duh tone. “You just wouldn't let me finish telling you before you rejected the idea.”

This made Jinsoul chuckle. “Yeah, that sounds like y/n alright.”

“True, it does,” you agreed.

“Okay, hello? Back to me,” Heejin said, pointing to herself.

Jinsoul looked at her, focusing back on the sole reason you guys were over there to begin with. “Right.” She cleared her throat as she finally started to give her some tips. “Firstly, they’re looking for someone with personality. You can't go in there being quiet and shy and thinking that you’re going to pass. Basically, just try not being so.... you, Heejin.” With a grimace, she placed her arm on her shoulder. “No offense.”

Heejin awkwardly chuckled, scratching the back of her head in doubt. “N-none taken.” But it was obvious that some offense was, indeed, taken.

“Secondly,” she continued. “If you mess up, just act like you didn’t. Continue as if nothing happened, if you stop in the middle of your audition to apologize, they're not going to look at you twice. Thirdly, do not overdue it. Do not. I have seen so many people go a little too out during these things. It just makes it look like you’re trying too hard and unnatural. They want to cast someone who can do an amazing job while making the shit look effortless. Are you keeping up?”

Heejin shook her head eagerly, showing she was very much interested in what she was saying. Jinsoul then continued on, giving her more than enough advice before time flew and it was finally Heejin’s turn. You all wished her good luck before she and the other 4 girls in Group D walked through the doors of the audition room.

A/N: Hey guys, sorry I took so long to upload this chapter lol everything that I wrote got deleted and I had to write it all over again. This definitely isn't as good as the first time I wrote it 😭 But it’s okay bc it’s still damn near the same thing smh. Anyway, stay tuned for the next chapter to see who passes the audition and what goes down at Johnny’s party!! 

PART 11

[isuzukuretsuki]

Ikemen Revolution - Fenrir’s Route

Aaaand here’s one for Fenrir’s route!

My main comments are: FUCK those avatar challenges. It took me five thousand years to finish this damn route because I was stuck grinding for Lin for five thousand years because according to cybird, I can’t get the good ending w ma man unless I look cute smh.

The night that Alice lands in Cradle, she pretty much goes out to the garden to sob her eyes out because of the stress of being killed (oh honey don’t worry this game doesn’t have any bad ends. If you were in a game like Amnesia then I’d start crying LMAO). Fenrir happens to see her and wipes her tears away (*๓´╰╯`๓). He decides to spend the month with Alice to make her have as much fun as possible, and makes her promise that so there will be no regrets, the two will not fall in love.

But we all know that’s not gonna happen.

I guess because the boys finally learned from Lancelot’s route to never send a nameless faceless nobody with Alice, Ray assigns Fenrir as her personal bodyguard. 

Fenrir takes it upon himself to be Alice’s personal tour guide, so they go on a date around the Central Quarter eating all kinds of sweets like a bunch of dorks D’AWW. Of course the red army are full of party poopers who crashes their alone time.

@Red army boys, I LOVE YOU ALL BUT YOUR SOLDIERS NEEDA CHILL. Like my grievances from Lancelot’s route carry over in twofold because the nameless red soldiers are once again, STILL a bunch of blood thirsty hooligans who are clearly letting “may glory flow crimson through our veins” slogan get to their heads WAYY too much. 

(☪̤̆_̆ ☪̤̆) THAT’S SO SPECIFIC LMAO.

But anyhoo I guess having a body guard with actual plot armor was really beneficial because Fenrir drives off all of the Red soldiers! And as it turns out, they were sent by Edgar (but of course why am I not surprised smh).

They return home and a few black army soldiers comes out shitting their pants because apparently there’s a ghost, and when Fenrir hears that HE shits his pants. 

Luka has his priorities straight.

Fenrir pussyfoots outside the army headquarters for a few minutes because GHOST but then big bear Sirius comes out RURL pissed because everyone keeps making a ruckus.

WHY DO I FIND THIS SO FUCKING FUNNY. LIKE IT’S PICTURE PERFECT. I CAN IMAGINE HIM DOING THIS IN MY HEAD FRAME BY FRAME.

So the ghost was actually a magic cult goon creeping around like a lech looking for women's’ underwear, whom Seth covered for. I had zero interest in Seth before but I do find it interesting that more hints about Seth’s connection to the magic cult goons are being dropped, and if anything it makes me want to play his route now.

I’d love to be your friend!!! But unfortunately Fenrir is a giant stick in the mud and won’t let me! But never fear because your route is coming out soon so soon I’ll be more than just your friend LOL!

 Fenrir gets news that some of their soldiers got cornered on the Red Bridge. Well what do you know, turns out the nameless red soldiers are still mad that they busted a nut in anticipation for nothing because they didn’t get to skewer any soldiers in Lancelot’s route, so now they’re taking out their pent up frustration here.

Luka hears the news as well and rushes to the red bridge just in time to see Jonah and the rest of the red soldiers man handling the black army soldiers (wtf Jonah I expected better of you). Luka goes from simmering with rage to boiling with rage and charges at the red soldiers. Obviously the red soldiers don’t care (or... they just can’t comprehend) that Luka is their superior’s freaking brother because all they can think about is reaping the reward for unnecessary stabbing and so they go into Ultimate Shish Kabobing Mode and decide to kill Luka.

Jesus christ... these fucking red soldiers. I am so sorry but I think the only people in this clown of an army that has any shred of honor or self control are the red army love interests LOL.

Anyway Fenrir drags Luka’s delirious bloody corpse back to the black army and the scene ain’t pretty. But it’s okay because we all know that this game doesn’t have the balls to actually kill anyone so it’s not like there’s any need to be worried.

See even Alice acknowledges it lol. This game’s too soft (not that that’s necessarily a bad thing... if I want angst I’ll just read fanfiction ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Apparently the one who actually made swiss cheese of Luka was Jonah. At first I was just SO CONFUSION?? JONAH WOULD NEVER DO THAT! until this bomb dropped and my only reaction was honestly just “...yikes”.

CRIES @ MY HEART

Jonah sneaks into Black Territory unarmed and Fenrir decides to arrange for him to see Luka like a the great wingbro he is. Alice’s left awkwardly keeping Jonah company but the ice quickly breaks and they end up spending the day talking about Luka ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡.

Fenrir successfully sneaks Jonah into Luka’s room but the two end up just having a screaming match and Luka boots Jonah out of his room. Understandable, considering how all the red soldiers are like little kids that you needa put those backpack straps on because who knows what the fuck they’ll do if left to their own devices.

me whenever I have any kind of guests over.

eat my ass @ Sirius 

When it’s decided that the Black and Red army are gonna go to war for realsies, Alice requests to go onto the battle field with Fenrir so she can repel magic. Sirius freaks out going all like “ojou-chan, you mustn’t! It’s not a walk in the park!!” but Alice ain’t having any of that and essentially tells Sirius to eat her ass. Fenrir being the amazing bro he is sticks up for Alice and asks Ray if he can take her with him, swearing he’ll protect her. Ray’s like sigh fine. This scene was honestly my favourite because I loved how much confidence Fenrir had in Alice and how he respected her desire to help. Unlike a certain someone ੧| ‾́ェ ‾́ |੭ (totally not throwing shade at Sirius LMAO).

CRIES SOME MORE THAT’S SUCH A CUTE NICKNAME.

I could have asked the exact same thing of you Sirius.

The rest of the Black Army can clearly see sparks flying between Fenrir and Alice but unfortunately, Fenrir has to join Sirius in the emotional constipation of “what is this feeling in my chest?! Definitely not love!” Granted Fenrir has an excuse because of the promise he made her, but it’s still frustrating nonetheless.

oh my god can you shut up about this dumbass slogan for one minute. 

Ngl despite the heart warming moment of resolve when Fenrir decides to take Alice into battle, it’s pretty damn hard to take the war seriously because it feels like a bunch of 14 year old teenagers doing a play-war considering of how almost comedic it is. Again, I’m not saying that this game needs to be an angst fest where everyone dies, but for a story about two armies on the brink of war, it does a pretty bad job at building any real tension or showing this war as a source of any real conflict with any real stakes or any real consequences.

I totally *do not* dislike that nickname 👀

We cut back to the red army who are all quite frazzled because they all had that “oh fuck” moment when they realized that they’re getting their asses whooped by the black army.  Lancelot decides to stay his hand, whereas Jonah rages at Edgar’s incompetence but Edgar’s ultimately like “¯\_(ツ)_/¯ King’s orders”.

Alice you’re doing amazing, sweetie.

Alice continues to fight with Fenrir on the front lines but she realizes that she really loves him and she doesn’t want to go home anymore! UNFORTUNATELY FOR HER, our lovely gentleman Fenrir “this feeling in my chest is totally love but I WON’T ADMIT IT!” Godspeed repeatedly dodges her attempts at confessing (¬_¬). GOOD SIR I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING. You’re just trying to put off having a heart to heart about your feelings until the full moon so you can boot Alice back to her world without ever having to talk about it (ლಠ益ಠ)ლ.

Alice tries once again for the nth time to confess her feelings to Fenrir but this time they’re interrupted by the magic cult goons who are hell bent on capturing Alice. This plays out exactly as you’d predict and the two get cornered at a cliff LOL. Alice gets blown off the cliff and Fenrir jumps after her to save her.

This, my friends, is what we call: plot armor.

They miraculously (and conveniently) survive their fall and end up in the castle ruins in the forbidden forest. I guess being lost in an abandoned forest with a totally not haunted castle next to them sets the mood for sexy time because they end up making out like their life depends on it. Conveniently, without actually saying they love each other ლ(ಠ_ಠლ). 

GUYS... THE DRIVER IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE.... GUYS....

They make it back to Black Territory in one piece with the help of Loki and Harr and Ray loses his shit because he thought they died T T T.  Fenrir is sent back to the front lines and Alice is totally ready to go back and kick some ass but I guess all the fire and confidence in this power couple completely deflated because Fenrir becomes Sirius 2.0 and refuses to take Alice SMH. 

Alice finds Fenrir boarding a carriage to leave, and she stops him and tries to tell him that she loves him. Fenrir responds by pulling Alice into the carriage with him and at this point I was HYPED because “is he actually gonna take her with him?!?!” but my hopes are quickly dashed when he shoves her into the carriage, initiates round 2 of INTENSE MAKE OUT SESSION LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT..... then throws Alice’s sad ass back out of the carriage and leaves her behind once he’s finished (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻.

UGH! FENRIR! JUST--- AGHHHHHHH. 

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN. Like yea sex is great, but have you ever heard of proper verbal communication??

(I also find it funny how the driver was just sitting there the entire time they were making out doing a big boi sweat).

me with group assignments in school.

Fenrir comes back on the night of the full moon and Alice for the 100TH DAMN TIME IN THIS ROUTE, tries to tell him that she doesn’t want to go home, but Fenrir, again, dashes her hopes and tells her she has to go back he won’t be able to protect her all the time. Which we all know is bullshit, but nevertheless Alice decides to listen to him. 

Ha ha ha you are so full of shit.

And so Alice once again goes to the gates of hell garden portal which I officially dub as “The Hole Where Bad Things Happen” or more accurately, “The Hole That No Player Ever Wants To See”. 

Anyhoo Alice leaps back home and spends about a month moping in London until one day a black army soldier comes to London and begs Alice to go back with him because Fenrir’s in danger! Alice, having literally zero self preservation because I guess her time on the battle field taught her jack shit, blindly follows this fellow back to Cradle and the moment she arrives, the guy reveals himself to be a magic cult goon and so she’s kidnapped and taken to Amon’s sex dungeon.

Look. I’m not gonna accuse Alice of “dumb mc syndrome” and I don’t necessarily blame her for falling for it but at the same time, COME ON. THIS IS THE DUMBEST PLOT POINT EVER. Of all the possible reasons she comes back to Cradle, THIS IS THE ONLY THING THEY COULD THINK OF? What makes it so aggravating is that it’s stated multiple times that any person from Reason can repel magic, so if that’s the case, the cult goons could have just kidnapped any random off the street instead of wasting time and energy looking for Alice. And if they could conveniently stroll into the land of Reason, why didn’t they do that ages ago?!

You know that writing rule “make your villains smarter, not your protagonists dumber”, or something like that? Well in this case, everyone is dumb!

Anyway during the month Alice was gone, Lancelot finally decides to stop going radio silent and consults the Black Army about Amon and his weed stash. This felt really convenient and almost inconsistent with Lancelot’s character because in the other routes he was hell bent on not talking unless 100% cornered, but in Fenrir’s route he spills the beans like it’s no big deal. 

Fenrir hears the news of Alice being kidnapped by Amon and the Black army pretty much storms into the Magic Tower and fishes Alice out. Amon finally reveals himself but honestly he doesn’t put up much of a fight because Fenrir shoots him with one of those hiccuping guns and that’s enough to deflate all of Amon’s fighting spirit lmao so he gets arrested in the end. Talk about anti climatic as hell. This entire thing just felt really stupid because if all they had to do with storm the damn tower, they should have done so ages ago.

Admittedly I do like the resolution to this whole fiasco. Fenrir is totally ready to get down and dirty, but before that Fenrir and Alice actually, finally, and at long last, properly talk about their feelings and sort out their relationship mess. 

Dramatic End:

Alice officially joins the Black Army, and they hold her enrollment ceremony. Hosting it is usually Ray’s job since he’s king but since Alice is his best friend’s babe, he decides to let Fenrir take over. Unfortunately, Fenrir can’t keep his excitement in check and ends up picking Alice up and spinning her around in joy ╭(๑ ॔ㅂ ਂ ॓)و ̑̑. THIS WAS SO CUTE I LOVE THIS ENDING.

-----

Honestly I have a lot of mixed feelings about this route. There’s the good, the bad, and the ugly, but since I don’t wanna end this post on a salty note so I’ll just start with the ugly and work my way up.

The Ugly: The route starts losing momentum their promise of not falling in love morphs into the source for Fenrir’s self cockblock fest for the rest of the route and him repeatedly rebuffing Alice’s attempts to tell him she wants to stay in Cradle became unbearable frustrating. Playing Sakuya’s route in Norn9 alongside Fenrir’s route did not help at all because his route also had a “promise of not falling in love” premise and had the exact same problems as Fenrir’s route so honestly my frustration was just doubled at this point.

The Bad: The plot is balls off the rail in the second half if it isn’t obvious enough from my complaints earlier. The Hole That No Player Ever Wants to See making a reappearance in Fenrir’s route kills a lot of the build up between Alice and Fenrir and there was honestly no point of having Alice go back to London. The circumstances that lead her to returning were so stupid it had me head banging against the wall.

The Good: I think Fenrir and Alice have a very strong “friends to lovers” romance going on and it was honestly really sweet and wholesome. I loved how their friendship and subsequent romance builds them both up and makes them better people-- they’re both stronger together, they’re equals, they’re partners. You really get a sense of camaraderie between the two and their relationship is founded on mutual respect, understanding, trust, and confidence in each other which I’m 100% on board with. Fenrir taking Alice onto the battle field with him is a testament of the rock solid trust between them. They have a very strong partner in crime vibe that I love! 

I adore how Fenrir refers to Alice as his “best friend” or his “best buddy” and it was just so cute, it made my heart swell because I’m a firm believer that your s/o SHOULD be your best friend.

Overall imo, Fenrir’s route is about on par with Lancelot’s, though it has higher highs and lower lows than Lancelot’s route did.

Anyway, I’m making my way through Edgar’s route currently (♥ω♥*).

[dekudynamight]

Title: I Think I Like You 

Rating: E

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Jon Kortajarena

Word count: 5.2k

Summary: Only occasional acquaintances before, Jon and Sebastian hit the same party in NYC and click instantly. What happens after, neither one of them will ever forget. 

A/N: Aaaaand here we have a prequel! Sorry that it’s not the next chapter but inspiration struck and then it deserted me halfway through and I had the hardest time finishing this but I FINALLY DID lol (writing is haaaaard) so I hope this was worth the effort. Thank you to @captainrogerrsbeard for her beautiful mooooodboard and for always helping me with EVERYTHING I write, ily wife :) I hope you guys like this! (Also to clarify, this is set before those pics of them together from Feb 2018, so it’s my little imaginary explanation for that devilish smile Seb was wearing lol)

Sebastian was feeling damn good on one particular Saturday night in January of 2018. He was fresh off the critical success of I, Tonya, on the verge of starting a new project the following month that he had even higher hopes for, and to top it all off, he was newly single and living it up at a brand new NYC nightclub with his friends. He was starting a new chapter of his life that just might prove to be one of the best, and if that wasn’t worth celebrating he didn’t know what was.

Clad in a black suit with no tie and the top three buttons undone, still sporting his wonderfully full beard and fluffy head of dark hair, Sebastian was three drinks and two shots in when the alcohol finally started to really hit his veins. He was at a sprawling table in a VIP room with a few of his oldest New York friends and some new ones as well, laughing a story the woman next to him was telling and finding his eyes continuously drifting across the table towards a certain rather beautiful man. He was trying not to be so obvious about it but the thing was... the man seemed to be unable to keep his eyes off of Sebastian, too.

Sebastian knew Jon to a small degree already, having met him in passing before thanks to their shared agent and their paths crossing once or twice thanks to her. He knew that Jon was a model and actor from Spain, currently single as far as he knew, and thanks to the last few hours he’d spent in his company he now also knew that his laugh was infectious and that he had a sharp sense of humor. His accent was heavy and delightful because of it, and Sebastian couldn’t deny it - he could sit there all night just watching him and listening to him, and he’d be perfectly content.

And while he couldn’t do that, he could enjoy the view while it lasted. And that view got even better when Jon stole one of the seats next to Seb when its previous occupant got up to dance, flashing him a charming smile as he settled in and asked, “Mind if I sit here?”

“Oh, not at all,” Sebastian grinned, getting a whiff of Jon’s cologne with his new proximity. He tried not to bite his lip, taking a sip of his whiskey and trying to keep himself in check and not display his thirst so openly. But God, it had been so long since he’d been truly single and his spirits were so damn high and he was sitting next to a fucking supermodel so beautiful he was worthy of having sonnets written in his honor.

“All the interesting people are leaving,” Jon bemoaned, gesturing to the table and all the empty seats left by their friends who were now dancing. “Are you going to leave me next?”

Sebastian chuckled, Jon pouting playfully. “Probably not.”

“Do you not like to dance?”

“Oh, I like dancing fine,” Sebastian shrugged. “Just gotta be in the mood, you know?”

Jon nodded, quirking an impressive brow. “What are you in the mood for, Sebastian?”

Sebastian grinned slowly, licking his lips without even realizing it as his cheeks heated up. Thank God his beard covered up at least some of his blush. “Honestly, I could just sit here and listen to you talk all night. About anything.”

“Anything?” Jon laughed, and Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh with him. “You flatter me.”

“I mean it,” Sebastian insisted. “You should do voice work. You were made for it, man.”

Jon shook his head modestly. “That means a lot, coming from you. You’re great at what you do.”

Now it was Sebastian’s turn to brush off the compliment, sighing, “I try my best. There’s a lot of better actors out there.”

“But you are always the standout in your work,” Jon insisted. When Sebastian looked like he was getting ready to protest Jon quickly added, “It’s true! You always catch my eye, every time in every role that I’ve seen. And not just because you’re so pretty.”

Sebastian’s mouth fell open for one long second before he groaned and brought a hand to his suddenly very flushed face. Jon laughed at his adorable discomfort as Sebastian squirmed, dying inside from the praise that he hadn’t been expecting. He tried his best to pull himself together quickly as he replied, “Well... thank you, but -“

“No,” Jon interrupted gently. “No ‘but’. Accept my compliments.”

Jon’s tone, while playful, was firm and left no room for argument, and Sebastian felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He was always a sucker for a beautiful man with a firm hand, and the vibes that he’d been getting from Jon all night... oh man.

“Yes sir,” Sebastian retorted teasingly, and the look that Jon rewarded him with was nothing short of sinful. It made Sebastian’s throat run dry and heart race, staring back at him and knowing full well what was happening between them. He wasn’t simply drunk and imagining the chemistry there - it was real, and Jon was making no secret of it either. He dragged his eyes up and down Sebastian’s body and made a show of it, and Sebastian was seconds away from opening his mouth and making something happen when suddenly two hands landed on his arm and began literally pulling him away.

“Sebby, Sebby!” came the drunken giggles of Lara, another friend whom Sebastian usually would not have been instantly irritated at like he currently was. “Come dance, come on! You too, Jon!”

Sebastian resisted for a moment and looked at Jon for help, but all Jon did was smile and shrug. “I never can say no to a pretty face.”

Sebastian wanted to whine and kick his feet like a child but instead he sucked it up and stood up, letting Lara drag him to the dance floor while Jon stayed behind by a few seconds to drain his own drink first before joining them. Seb was in even less of a dancing mood now, but... well, maybe it would be a good way to clear his head and get him thinking properly again before he did something potentially stupid, like throw himself at a new friend and jump into bed with him before either of them knew what they were even doing.

Naturally, however, dancing didn’t clear his mind a damn bit. Instead it did the exact opposite, and Sebastian wouldn’t dare complain because holy fuck.

First he danced with Lara and a few others, the liquor he’d consumed giving him confidence and making him feel lighter on his feet than he really was. He started having real, genuine fun two songs in, laughing with his friends and wondering why he’d been so resistant to this idea as he turned around and suddenly ran directly into the chest of a man taller than himself. His scent gave him away, and Sebastian knew who he’d just collided with before he opened his eyes and looked up.

Jon grinned back at him, steadying Seb with a firm hand on his waist. “Enjoying yourself?”

Sebastian instantly forgot everyone else, Jon’s hand on him and unbearably close proximity taking up all of his focus and leaving none to spare. “Yeah.”

Jon’s hand slipped around to his lower back, pressing gently to pull him closer as he started dancing slowly. “Good.”

Sebastian swallowed hard, his arms dangling at his sides and brain short circuiting as it tried and failed to figure out what to do. His body was swaying of its own accord, moving with Jon slowly but deliberately, and he wanted to reach up and touch him and really dance with him but they were far from alone and Sebastian never knew who was watching and who might sell him out to a tabloid for a quick dollar. It was unfortunate but true, especially on a night like this when the club was packed and there were eyes everywhere.

“Relax, Sebastian,” Jon murmured into his ear as he guided him deeper into the crowd, away from the lights and into a corner of the dance floor that was far from private but a little less easily seen and a little more hidden. Then he reached down and took one of Sebastian’s hands, guiding his arm up and over his own shoulder until it was draped comfortably. “Move with me.”

Fuck it, Sebastian decided. He grinned up at Jon, letting instinct take the reins as he started dancing to the pulsing music and stopped caring about who might see. He’d earned the right to live a little, and Jon’s free spirit was infectious and a vibrant contrast to Sebastian’s ever-present underlying anxiety. He just might be good for him, Seb thought as he slipped closer and gave in, letting Jon take the lead.

It was fun and heated and left Sebastian feeling lightheaded in the very best ways. Jon was a natural dancer and seemed to revel in leading Seb, keeping it light and easy and playful until that just wasn’t enough anymore. Sebastian felt the shift when Jon suddenly spun him around and pulled him back against his chest, warm breath tickling Seb’s ear and sending a shiver down his spine as they started rocking together.

Sebastian let his eyes flutter shut and gripped the strong arm across his middle holding him in place, his body pulsing and feeling like a live wire with each point of contact between himself and Jon. He loved the height difference between them, loved feeling a little smaller and relying on Jon to guide him, and he knew he wasn’t the only one loving it. Jon couldn’t seem to keep his hands off of him, dragging the tip of his nose up and down the side of Sebastian’s neck and sending shivers down his spine and his blood racing south.

It was then that Sebastian took a chance, letting his free hand rise up and slip into Jon’s hair, letting him know through that touch how much he was enjoying himself. Jon grew a little bolder then, his hands roaming down to Sebastian’s hips and lips brushing his jaw, the touch feather light and careful but very much there and clear in intent. If there was any doubt, the growing hardness that Sebastian felt behind him laid it to rest, and he was fucking fine with that. In fact, he decided that he’d had enough of this and turned around to face Jon, their bodies pausing the dance as Sebastian grabbed Jon’s collar and pulled him close.

But he wasn’t pulling him in for a kiss. Instead he brought his lips to Jon’s ear and asked over the music, “Wanna get out of here?”

Jon responded with a pleased chuckle and a hand on Sebastian’s ass, giving it a squeeze as he replied, “That’s all I’ve wanted all night.”

Sebastian pulled away and grinned at those unexpected words. Then he looked around them just long enough to check for prying eyes before leaning up and kissing Jon firmly, taking him by a very pleasant surprise. He’d wanted to taste those perfect lips for hours, and they felt even better than he’d imagined. Jon kissed him with an enticing mixture of teasing and open hunger, his tongue colliding filthily with Sebastian’s before they pulled away panting and gazing at each other.

“I knew you’d be good kisser with that mouth,” Jon murmured, thumb sweeping over Sebastian’s bottom lip.

Sebastian simply grinned and leaned in a little closer to reply lowly, “My mouth is good at a lot of things.”

Jon’s eyes grew dark with surprise and pure arousal as he then all but growled, “Let’s go. Now.”

Sebastian couldn’t have agreed more.

---

The front door slamming behind them with a jarring thud, Sebastian’s back hit the wall and he had only a fraction of a second to grin before Jon was on him and kissing him like his life depended on it. It was all tongue and groans and hands everywhere, frantic and hungry and fuck Sebastian just knew this was gonna be good, better than anything he’d had in months.

Jon hurriedly yanked off Sebastian’s jacket and let it hit the floor, reaching for his shirt next as they kissed hard and breathless. Sebastian couldn’t breathe and he didn’t care, burying his hands in Jon’s hair as Jon tried to work the buttons of Seb’s shirt open, but between the alcohol clouding his head and the desire spurring him on it was next to impossible. Out of patience and perhaps not having any to begin with, Jon simply ripped his shirt apart and sent buttons flying everywhere as Sebastian broke the kiss with a soft gasp.

Sebastian looked down, cheeks flushed and mouth hanging open. Then he slowly looked up at Jon, both of them breathing hard as he marveled, “Nobody’s ever actually ripped my clothes off before.”

“Then you’ve been choosing the wrong lovers,” Jon replied with a smirk before grabbing him and turning him around, shoving him against the wall before pulling off his shirt and bringing his lips to his neck. “You like it rough, don’t you?”

“God yes,” Sebastian confessed, Jon’s hands on his chest and sliding down, down, down until one ghosted over the front of his pants and gripped him through them. Sebastian let out a gruff noise and scrabbled his fingers against the wall, forehead pressed against it as Jon started rubbing him teasingly slow through the fabric.

“I knew you’d be fun,” Jon said between kisses, licking over a bruise he’d sucked into Sebastian’s neck and grinding into his ass, making no effort to hide how badly he wanted him.

Sebastian moaned from all the sensations, rocking back against Jon and craving him inside of him, stomach clenching and breath hitching at the mere thought. “Fuck, stop teasing me,” he suddenly groaned, surprising himself with the words but God he meant them. “Need you to fuck me.”

Jon responded by turning him back around and kissing him soundly, knocking his head back against the wall with the force of the kiss before drawing back just long enough to murmur, “Where’s your bedroom?”

Sebastian then grabbed his hand and took off, guiding him to his room and feeling like it took them a million years to finally get there. Once they did he turned around and pulled Jon in for another rushed, almost sloppy kiss, reaching for Jon’s shirt and quickly ridding him of it and, once he got a full look at the toned and mouth watering chest that had been hiding under his clothes, he steered Jon to the side of his bed and sat him down.

Jon reached out to pull Seb down with him but Sebastian sunk down to his knees between Jon’s legs before he could stop him. Sebastian looked up through his lashes as he worked Jon’s pants open, Jon gently cupping his jaw and rubbing his thumb over his chin and the soft facial hair that covered it.

“This,” he said, pressing on the gray portions of the beard, “I like this. It suits you.” He watched as Sebastian blushed faintly over the compliment, and when he ran his thumb over Sebastian’s lower lip he didn’t hesitate to flick his tongue over the tip and then suck it into his mouth. “Oh, Sebastian... you need a cock to suck on, don’t you?”

“Yes sir,” Sebastian breathed, releasing his thumb as he got Jon’s pants open and pulled his cock free. He took a moment to take it in, gripping it gently and stroking a few times, mouth watering with desire. “Fuck, Jon...”

“Go on, sweet boy,” Jon purred, threading his fingers in Sebastian’s hair and gently pulling him down. Sebastian loved it, Jon holding him in place as he licked the tip of his cock, swirled his tongue and then ducked down to lick from the bottom to the top. Then Sebastian took a breath and sucked him down, and the rough Spanish curse that left Jon’s lips was a sound that would haunt Sebastian’s mind for weeks to come, he just knew it.

He poured everything he had into it, doing everything he could to blow Jon’s mind and leave an impression he wouldn’t forget. It helped that he loved doing this and knew that he was damn good at it, having brushed up on his skills once or twice since becoming single. But none of his recent casual hookups had inspired the sort of determination and passion that he felt now, his enthusiasm only growing with each deep groan from Jon’s mouth and the tantalizing trickle of pre-come he worked out of him.

“God you taste good,” Sebastian panted, pulling off just long enough to murmur those words and suck in a breath before diving back in. He worked Jon like his life depended on it, losing himself to it and getting so caught up that he was taken fully by surprise when Jon started tugging him away and telling him to stop before it was too late.

Sebastian let him go with a slight whine, looking up at Jon and knowing he looked like the picture of sin - swollen lips, cheeks flushed, chin wet and eyes wild with arousal.

“You were made for that, Sebastian,” Jon marveled, pulling him up closer. “Look at you. You’re so hungry, aren’t you?”

“Yes sir,” Sebastian sighed, shuddering when Jon kissed him. “Didn’t wanna stop.”

“Such a good boy,” Jon murmured, saying it as an experiment. When Sebastian blushed and closed his eyes in response, Jon grinned in satisfaction. He was getting to know what made Sebastian tick, and neither of them were even fully naked yet. “Stand up.”

Sebastian obeyed, rising to his feet and letting Jon work his pants down and off of his legs. Jon rubbed him gently through his boxer briefs before tugging those down too, and once they were out of the way he tugged him closer and wrapped a hand around his painfully hard cock, giving him a few strokes to give him a little relief.

“You’re beautiful,” Jon told him, gazing at Sebastian’s naked body in a way that made Seb flush and want to squirm and duck his eyes away. “Get on the bed. On your back. Now, baby.”

Sebastian scrambled to obey, climbing on the bed and doing exactly as he was told as Jon stood to rid himself of the last of his own clothes. Sebastian laid back on his pillows, watching with great anticipation as Jon rounded the bed first to poke around in Seb’s nightstand. Sebastian held back a whine as he waited, reaching down to palm at himself impatiently only to be interrupted by Jon giggling - giggling - and pulling out a roll of condoms that Sebastian had completely forgotten about.

“Your commitment to your character is... admirable,” Jon grinned, showing Seb the condoms bearing the image of Captain America’s shield.

“Oh my god,” Sebastian groaned, cheeks going red. “Those aren’t mine. I mean, they’re mine, but I didn’t get them - my friend did as a joke and I just forgot -“

“I think it’s cute,” Jon assured him, tossing them back into the drawer and grabbing a different one along with a mostly full bottle of lube. He tossed them on the bed and then finally climbed on himself, Sebastian reaching for him like he was starved as Jon slid on top of him and smiled, “Impatient?”

Sebastian answered with a furious kiss, unable to get close enough fast enough. With no clothes in the way now and just skin pressed against skin, Sebastian’s need for Jon eclipsed all reason and he simply had to have him now. He relished in having Jon’s weight above him, being underneath his taller body and yielding control to him, maybe not knowing him very well but enough to trust him with this.

Sebastian was whiny and needy and vocal, murmuring an almost desperate fuck me between kisses only to have Jon chuckle and pull away. “Not yet, darling. I’m not done playing yet.”

Sebastian whimpered but didn’t argue, hardly able to protest when Jon began to kiss his way down his body. He was thorough in his exploration and left no part of Seb untouched, murmuring words Sebastian couldn’t understand in between lavishing kisses all over his body. It was a little more than he would have expected from a one night stand but he loved it, wound up so tight by the time that Jon was settled between his legs that the first stroke of Jon’s hand on his cock nearly had him shooting off the bed.

Jon soothed him with kisses on his hipbone, grinning at his enthusiasm and stroking him far more leisurely than Sebastian would have liked. “You are so needy,” he noted, leaning in and flicking out his tongue against the tip. “Relax, I promise I’ll take care of you.”

Then Jon’s beautiful mouth joined his hand in expertly working him, and Sebastian let out a shaky, grateful moan as his head dropped back into the pillows. He only stayed like for a moment though, needing to watch and enjoy the show that Jon was putting on. He looked painfully beautiful like that, hair falling into his eyes and sharp cheeks hollowed as he sucked, and Sebastian was so thoroughly caught up and damn near hypnotized that the first brush of a slick finger further south took him by complete surprise and had his entire body jolting. He hadn’t even seen him grab the lube and hadn’t even noticed Jon spreading his legs wider to position him how he wanted him.

Jon simply glanced up and shot Sebastian a devilish look without taking his mouth off of him, teasing him with that finger and slowly sliding it inside once he’d relaxed into the touch. Sebastian cursed low and broken and slid a trembling hand into Jon’s hair, the fleeting initial pain melting into pleasure fast and God he hadn’t had anything this good in so damn long.

It was an intoxicating blur of pleasure, Sebastian completely lost to it as Jon took care to keep him from finishing too early. He had to pull off completely for a few minutes when he was two fingers deep, watching Sebastian’s flushed chest rise and fall and his hands fist the sheets. Then once Sebastian had almost caught his breath Jon swallowed him back down, and he repeated the cycle until Sebastian was opened up for him and on the verge of losing his mind and all but begging him to fuck him.

“Please please please, fuck, Jon, I need it,” Sebastian whimpered, his words answered with Jon pulling off for good and removing his fingers. He groaned at the loss of sensations but then Jon was moving back up and capturing his lips in a filthy kiss, reaching blindly for the condom he’d grabbed and pulling away only to hurriedly open it and put it on while Sebastian watched hungrily.

Then he dove back down, kissing Sebastian deep and murmuring, “Are you ready, Sebastian?”

Sebastian nodded, wrapping his legs around Jon’s waist and pushing up against him for emphasis. “God yes, I’m so ready.”

Jon wasted no time then in giving them what they both needed, guiding himself in and sinking into Sebastian slowly. He watched as Sebastian’s eyes fluttered shut and tension crossed his features, body tightening instinctively until he relaxed into the intrusion. The truth was that Seb liked that part and always had, the pleasure/pain making him feel more alive than almost anything else ever did, and this time was no exception. Jon was a lot to take and by the time that he was fully seated, Sebastian was dazed and breathing hard enough to prompt Jon to kiss his jaw and ask gently, “Are you okay, darling?”

Sebastian grunted to the affirmative, then licked his lips and forced his brain to form words. “I am... so fucking okay, Jon.”

Jon groaned at those words and kissed him, starting to move slowly and gently. He was only careful until Sebastian started moving with him and roaming his hands up and down his back, urging him for more, and that was when he started really moving.

The first time he hit that spot within Sebastian just right, Sebastian gasped and Jon dropped his head against his neck, murmuring words that Sebastian didn’t understand but desperately wanted to. He was so curious, in fact, that he gave Jon’s hair a light tug and asked sweetly, “What’re you saying? I wanna know...”

“I am saying,” Jon replied, lifting his head and looking Sebastian in the eyes as he rocked into him, “that you feel so tight and so perfect, I don’t want this to end.”

Sebastian blushed and bit his lip, rocking with him harder, wanting to take him deeper, feel him for days. “Fuck, Jon, you’re gonna kill me.”

“I hope not,” Jon chuckled breathlessly, leaning in until they were a breath apart and dropping his voice down low. “Because then how would I make love to you in the morning?”

The words were enough to make Sebastian moan out loud and press his nails into Jon’s back, asking wordlessly for more and getting it as Jon picked up the pace. He wanted this, wanted more in the morning, wanted anything this man would give him, and nobody had made him feel like this in a long, long time. Not the guy he’d hooked up with last month, not the woman he’d taken to bed not long after, none of the people he’d given it a go with since calling his last relationship quits. Jon was unexpected but damn if they didn’t have better sexual chemistry off the bat than anyone in Sebastian’s recent memory.

Jon began to drive into him with more and more determination as the blissful moments carried on, pausing only to adjust Sebastian a bit and hold up his leg, the new shift in angle making him take Seb deeper and pulling a moan so loud from his throat that the neighbors had to hear it. It only made Jon smile, proud of his ability to fuck this beautiful man into such a glorious and careless mess, and after that it wasn’t long until they were both on the edge and simply couldn’t hold back anymore.

Sebastian was cursing and half-babbling nonsense, his entire world reduced to nothing but the pleasure he was engulfed in and the man responsible for it all. It only became more mind-blowingly intense when he felt Jon’s hand on his cock, stroking fast in time with his thrusts as his deep voice demanded in his ear, “Come for me, Sebastian, sweet boy. Let go, make a mess on us.”

He couldn’t have held back if he tried. He came harder and longer than he had ever in recent memory, every loud noise and breathless gasp and shudder of his body completely out of his control. He had just enough awareness left to register the sound of Jon cursing and slamming into him hard as he followed right after, holding Sebastian tight as they both lost themselves to the sort of pleasure that could only come from being with the right partner.

It was, Sebastian knew, without a doubt the best casual sex he’d ever had. And he’d had some good casual sex in his day, to be sure, but this... this was the kind of stuff that made him wanna sit down and write fucking poetry, and he wasn’t a damn poet.

But all of those thoughts were inconsequential for the time being, Sebastian floating deeply and sleepily in a state of pure haze and satisfaction. He only came back around when he felt the bed depress next to him, which was when he realized Jon had gotten up at some point. He was so blissed out he hadn’t even registered it, but now Jon was leaning over him and cleaning him up with a warm towel, a lit cigarette dangling from his lips and his gorgeous eyes soft but still mischievous when they met Sebastian’s.

“I thought you might have fallen asleep,” Jon confessed, still gloriously naked himself. Sebastian shook his head, the smell of the tobacco hitting his nose and prompting him to reach up and steal the cigarette, placing it between his own lips and inhaling as Jon watched.

“Almost,” he replied, blowing out a cloud of smoke. He took another drag and then placed the cigarette back where he’d plucked it from, grinning and adding, “That was....”

“Amazing,” Jon agreed, smiling wide and almost a little shy, which would have been preposterous had it not been so adorable. He tossed the towel away, finished with it, and slid in next to Sebastian fully in the bed. “Just like I expected.”

Sebastian let out a deep breath at that, rolling on his side to face him and curling up against him. “Well I’m glad I wasn’t a disappointment then.”

Jon shook his head, offering the cigarette back to Sebastian. As he accepted, Jon asked, “Where are you from? Romania, yes?”

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, why?”

“Well,” Jon smiled, “at the end, you... stopped speaking English.”

Sebastian furrowed his brows, pure confusion on his face as he muttered through the cigarette between his lips, “I what?”

Jon grinned. “You did.”

“I don’t... do that. Ever. Are you sure?”

“Unless you have other languages you speak...”

Sebastian shook his head, Romanian the only option that made any sense. But still... “Damn.”

“I fucked the Romanian out of you,” Jon said teasingly, and Sebastian couldn’t help but close his eyes and laugh a little. Jon leaned in and smiled as he pressed a kiss to the corner of Sebastian’s mouth, and they continued to share the cigarette until it was gone and put out in a tray on Sebastian’s nightstand.

“I’m glad I went out tonight,” Sebastian said as Jon shifted on his back, allowing Seb to use his lean chest as a pillow.

“I’m glad you’re single right now,” Jon grinned, running his hand up and down Sebastian’s back absently. “I don’t know how you are.”

“Not everyone thinks I’m as awesome as you do,” Sebastian chuckled, placing a soft kiss to his chest.

“Then they are all fools,” Jon decided. He reached down and tilted Sebastian’s chin up, making him look up into his eyes. “Who wouldn’t adore you?”

Sebastian melted a little at those words and felt a pang of sadness, one particular man coming to mind whose name he wouldn’t dare speak. No matter what Jon might think, Sebastian was no stranger to rejection and, in some cases, completely unrequited crushes that he didn’t know how to let go of and move on. But he wasn’t gonna let that ruin the high that he was on, he decided as he shoved those thoughts down and leaned up to kiss his new lover.

“You’re sweet,” he murmured against Jon’s lips. “I think I like you.”

Jon chuckled, tracing his jawline with long, gentle fingers. “Good, because I think I like you too.” Sebastian smiled and kissed him again, the two men getting lost in each other again as the wee hours of the morning approached.

Sebastian didn’t know where this new thing between them might lead, if anywhere at all, but one thing was for sure - he was gonna enjoy the hell out of this while it lasted.

taglist: @captainrogerrsbeard @onehotgreasymechanic @stanclub @time-travel-bouqet @supersmuttyqueernerd @its-a-pretty-interesting-wall @lisamott9 @ravensonata @buckmesideways22 @loki7ms @weareallteamcap @laughingatthevoid @nade2308 @wintersoldier1989 @steve-bucky-stucky @loricameback @imagininggirl @absolutelydreadful @dviciosamadridista @musette22 

[miss-m-calling]

Juletide 2020 letter

Dear writer,

Hello and thank you for writing for me. I’m very excited to read whatever you come up with.

Without further ado…

Starred Up

Oliver Baumer, Eric Love

Yes I do ship it, I do, I do!

Ahem. Don’t get me wrong, I liked what the movie did with the father-son relationship and its influence on both men’s character development – but I really wish they hadn’t got Oliver out of the action before the story’s climax (not like that!). The final denouement with Love father and Love son was great, as was the hint at the end that Eric learned something in anger-management group and has a support network that will help him a lot. But. I would have wanted to see more of the intriguing dynamic between Eric the intelligent, semi-feral, yet not-incorrigible, young thug and Oliver the educated, dedicated, kind yet aware of his own potential for violence (what was he on about with “I need to be here”?), slightly older counselor. They had me at Oliver’s “I want him” and Eric later telling his father that Oliver’s a better man than Love Sr. Also the not-flirting and the push-pull in the scene when Oliver picks up Eric from his cell - yowza!

For this canon, my dubcon DNW does not apply.

Prompts:

-I would love to see Oliver return to holding his group in prison, so the two of them can interact more, either in the movie’s immediate aftermath or years down the line, as it’s implied that Eric will be serving a long sentence. Give me more scenes from anger management or the ribald, honest, free-flowing conversations in group, either with the other men present (I liked Hassan and Tyrone especially, among the group members) or a one-on-one session.

-An oblique or open-but-undramatic admission/declaration that they both know there’s something there, even if they don’t know what to do with it. Or, one or both of them knows exactly what to do with it, and the push-pull that would result from that.

-Dirty talk: used for arousal, as a defense mechanism, as a form of flirtation. Eric using slurs to assert dominance, and Oliver not letting him hide behind profanity, when he can use colorful language to express emotion and/or sexual interest. There could definitely be some verbal taunting/flirting about who wants/is eager to do what or is good at doing something. There may be some sniping comments about logistics and (lack of) condoms and barebacking and what men get up to in prison. There probably wouldn’t be deep discussions about sexual identity.

-An emergency in the prison requires a lock-down, so Oliver gets temporarily stuck in Eric’s cell or another room with only Eric for company. Things get porny and/or emotional.

-Eric is eventually released (you can handwave this so it happens soon after the movie or have it happen years later) and crashes with Oliver while he adjusts to the outside world. You guessed it: things get porny and/or emotional.

-How do they get to the point where both can cross that line from friends/whatever the hell they are and become, to lovers? (There’s Eric’s personal history and general discomfort with vulnerability, plus all the ways prison sex can be or make things complicated, and if it helps, I headcanon Oliver as either gay or bi and at least somewhat closeted, at work especially.) Who initiates and “directs traffic”? How does their always-contentious dynamic shift during and after sex? Is the sex an isolated (series of) occasion(s), or a progression/escalation over multiple encounters (how would I love especially an escalating series of encounters, let me count the ways)? Eric might seem like the logical initiator and/or dominant partner as well as using the possibility of sex to manipulate and exert control, but then Oliver might (or might not!) surprise him and is definitely the one more in touch with himself as well as aware of his custodial duty toward the men in the group.

-At some point in their intimate relationship (probably not right at the start, and probably not in prison, though if you can make it happen in prison, more power to you!), Oliver decides he’s going to take his sweet time and make Eric fall absolutely apart with pleasure, while using dirty talk to both arouse and empower Eric to own his desires – by that point, Eric is in a place where he can let that happen and enjoy it, even if he still talks tough.

-Role reversal: Oliver as the con (jittery, shut off, sticking out like a sore thumb in prison with all his fancy learning, yet no pushover) and Eric as the newbie counselor (kid from the wrong side of the tracks made good? Youthful hoodlum turned around his life, now trying to help others via tough love and lots of swearing and maybe a bit of manipulation when called for?)

  Witchblade (TV) Sara Pezzini, Danny Woo

I used to love this show back in the day, and loved it again in all its hokey gloriousness when I rewatched it recently. Sara figuring things out and being a principled badass, but maybe out of her depth with the Witchblade, and her dynamic with Danny, whether he's a ghost or alive, it’s all catnip to me. Sara is not extremely quippy, she has a job to do dammit! and don’t look at her vulnerable side, just don’t look at it!, and I love that about her (she’s much harsher in S1, after Danny’s death, than in S2); ditto that Danny is somewhat softer than she is, but still can hold his own thanksverymuch (well, when the plot doesn’t require him to get nabbed by bad guys) and has a bit of a deadpan snarker side too. I’d love something that plays around with their canon dynamic from either season, or uses canon as just a starting point. Some of my prompts lean dark or horror-y, so don’t be shy about going there; I’d also enjoy a story in which the Witchblade itself ends up not being very significant (say, they start to investigate a possibly mystical case and then nope, plain murder). Canon-specific DNW: Irons and any version of Nottingham appearing (you can mention them if you need to).

Prompts:

-The Witchblade is more parasitic than symbiotic, and instead of Sara learning to control it, its feeding on Sara affects her more and more over time. Or, the visions and dreams ramp up into full-blown paranoia and/or disassociation. The Witchblade's POV, maybe (it is sentient)? Asking for help is the hardest thing for someone like Sara, but what are (more than) friends for? I’d also enjoy a dubcon scenario (exception to blanket DNW) where Sara really shouldn’t be having sex when her head is all messed up by the Witchblade’s influence, but… well… they do. The Witchblade canonically enjoys violence and bloodshed perpetrated by its wearers, so it stands to reason that it might lower other inhibitions too.

-Witchblade v. mythological monsters. In S1, even with everything else that's going on, Sara absolutely scoffs at the possibility of vampires. So of course I want: Witchblade v. vampires! The scarier and more feral, the better. Or, it's implied that the Witchblade was forged from a meteorite, so it's basically an eldritch artefact from outer space. Yes, please lean all the way into the Lovecraftian tropes! (The moon is turning red, the Old Ones are back, it’s the end of the world as we know it, but Sara’s got her partner by her side.) Or something from Chinese mythology, so Danny can kick extra ass. Or, for a silly take on Chinese culture: Sara and Danny in the world of Big Trouble in Little China (another old fave of mine, the entire plot of which revolves around… a woman with green eyes and an unwanted connection to the supernatural).

-The Witchblade has a reputation for abandoning its wearers just when they need it the most. True to form, it slips off of Sara’s fist, leaving her and Danny to save themselves with good old-fashioned guns, fisticuffs, martial arts, and of course having each other’s back.

-More of the psychedelic-ness in many of Sara’s fight scenes, where now she’s a woman in a leather jacket with a gauntlet on her arm, now she’s a knight in armor! Now her opponent is human, now he’s a wolf-shaped spirit of evil and hatred! Playing around with the characters’ senses and perceptions – yes!

-Instead of seeing only Danny and needing him to play intermediary for Sara to talk to other ghosts, the Witchblade makes Sara see ghosts all over the place, and it's getting to her. Ghost!Danny may or may not help with that. Or, ghost!Danny is basically always around, whether Sara can see him or not. He manifests when Sara is masturbating, and you can't really feel guilty if the ghost of your dead partner whom you’ve always had a thing for helps you out, and anyway you’re probably going crazy and none of this is real, so it doesn’t count anyway... right?

-Case fic/stakeouts and banter. Flirting to pass the long and stressful days at work. Quick and guilty sex because Danny's married. Slow and intense sex if handwave he's not married but “oh noes we’re partners, we shouldn’t be doing this, but somehow we keep doing it anyway.” Hooking up in the car. I've always headcanoned that they had a thing pre-canon which ended for Reasons, but they both kinda wish it hadn't, hence the hand kissing, and the “I can’t even touch you,” and the coffee bringing/stealing, etc. So feel free to play around with that.

-Undercover as married, undercover as a gangster and his moll (LOL at Sara as a moll, or have Sara as the gangster and Danny as her arm candy), undercover as “they think we’re fucking, better fake it real good for the people listening in, oops shit got real fast, careful don’t say each other’s real name or you’ll blow your cover.”

-More timey-wimey shenanigans with the Witchblade. Maybe it allows Sara to manipulate time more than once. Maybe she starts doing it way too often, throwing the continuum out of whack (something non-linear would be very interesting). Maybe she and/or Danny remember some or all of what happened in S1. Something about all the multiverse versions of them, possibly splitting off from a dramatic moment. Time loops and feelings are a combustible mix.

-Apart from the super obvious shippiness, what I like about S1 especially is how Sara rolls with the weirdness the Witchblade has brought into her life, instead of reaching for rational explanations. More of that (I can't think of a better way to put it), and double extra brownie points if alive!Danny figures out at least some of what's going on with Sara's bracelet and somehow gets in on the action. Maybe a Danny saves the day divergence? Or how about a loophole that allows a man close to the Witchblade's wearer to wield it temporarily, but There Is a Price to Pay.

킹덤 | Kingdom (TV 2019)

Prince Lee Chang, Seo-bi

I fell so hard for this show. So hard! The beautiful production values, the wonderful cast, how the characters develop, how the show slowly but surely unfolds one reveal after another and packs so much into two short seasons, all the period detail, the genuinely tense action scenes, the moments of humor and intense emotion, the intertwining of political intrigue and zomg! really scary zombies, how the zombie outbreak works on multiple levels both literal and metaphorical…

I love the brave, kind-hearted, but sheltered prince, whose whole life has been so privileged yet shadowed by the possibility of death if he loses his position as heir, learning what it means to actually rule and lead people, to protect them and be protected by them in turn. And I love Seo-bi the fearless, dedicated, selfless physician, who notices things and figures things out regardless of whether this annoys the people in power. I ship them, but I also love their platonic interactions, how instantly and fiercely loyal she is to him (not just because he’s the crown prince, but because she’s seen how brave and altruistic he can be) and how he immediately takes her advice and experience seriously despite her being a woman and a commoner in this super-hierarchical setting. So I’m good with either / or & for this pairing, and you can work with any of my prompts accordingly. In a / fic, I’d even be good with a totally sublimated, “they both must kinda know what’s going on between them but for reasons of both their personalities and their respective genders and social positions, nothing overt ever gets said or done” scenario! So don’t stress too much over which flavor of dynamic you write for them.

Also, I love most of the cast (not a huge fan of Chancellor Cho, but he is an effective antagonist), and would be delighted to see any of them in fic too. Especially the loyal and funny and badass Mu-yeong (he was loyal, despite the Haewon Cho clan’s blackmail, and if you want to diverge from canon so he lives, I would not mind that at all), the even more badass and wounded and snarky Yeong-sin (or is that “Yeong-sin”???), Chang’s sparky, exiled uncle several times removed, and the terrifying and frankly unhinged young queen are my favorites. I even have a soft spot for that mostly-useless coward Cho Beom-pal, but really, they’re all great and I would love reading about them too, or just about the prince and the lady physician – whatever works!

Finally, before I get to prompts, I know a bit about the Joseon period, but we’re talking the bits and pieces I remember from a college class, and what I’ve read on Wikipedia and picked up from this and other Korean movies and shows. I know a bit more about some of the cultural background, like the Confucian values, the social stratification and feudal system, the gender segregation among the aristocracy, the wars with Japan, but again – my knowledge is limited. So if you want to teach me stuff about Joseon, go for it! If you want to invent or handwave stuff, as long as it fits the canon’s mood and broad cultural parameters, go for it! And if you want to treat me to some worldbuilding, period detail of any kind, and/or costume porn, definitely go for it.

Prompts:

Zombie fighting anything! Learning to survive in a society that’s rapidly breaking down, having to transcend their habitual social roles and challenging each other, anything! Maybe one of them teaches the other to hunt, or to make herbal medicines, or to fight with a sword, or heck, to cook or clean dirty clothes. (FYI I wrote most of these prompts before I was quite done with S2, and the time-skip took me totally by surprise. So while my prompts ignore Chang renouncing the throne, I’d also be down for the untold adventures of the former prince and his traveling companions, as Chang learns how to be just regular folks and they pursue clues about the resurrection flower, or for your take on what happens in S3. Use whatever works for you in my prompts in any way you want!)

Figuring out how the zombie infection continues to evolve and/or working together to find a cure beyond dunking the infected in water – whether that means to destroy large numbers of the undead, or to develop an antidote, or to cure and bring back those afflicted. One plot detail that really struck me: more experimenting with zombies, like Chancellor Cho started to do, might also hold the key to a cure?

Political intrigue anything! Having to fight zombies and/or factions at court with both friends and unexpected allies (not gonna lie, I would have loved to have seen the young queen unleashed on some zombies, even if that did not make her the prince and Seo-bi’s ally).

More road trip/survival/battle goodness – maybe Seo-bi offers Lee Chang some advice while they’re navigating their new situation, or she witnesses him developing his leadership muscles, and it brings them closer together than before. Or maybe a moment of humor, relaxation, or quiet affection on the road or in between zombie-slaying, especially if it catches them both a bit by surprise. Or one of them gets a non-zombifying injury (nothing too gruesome or life-threatening, please!) and the other one has to care for them – extra points if Seo-bi is injured and the prince kind of bumbles through the most basic things so she has to talk him through her own treatment. Or nightmares/being triggered by something, like we saw both Chang and Seo-bi react at the sounds of zombies growling and people screaming in S2E5.

We have seen Seo-bi insist on staying loyal to the prince, and Lee Chang rely on her repeatedly to the exclusion of all his other people – give me a situation in which he has to make clear his own loyalty to her, as a part of both his becoming a better leader and as a step in advancing their relationship. Or, there comes a time when Seo-bi really pushes against the rules of what someone like she can and cannot say or do to/around a crown prince – we’ve seen Lee Chang refuse to stand on his dignity to the point where so many of his interactions with commoners would end in the commoners’ death, but I imagine even he has his limits, and that kind of clash can only drive this dynamic forward!

Canon divergence in which Seo-bi gets sent to the capital and assigned to be the personal physician to the petulant, frustrated prince we meet at the start of the show (handwave the gender segregation and impropriety). She knows her place, but she also does not suffer fools or male nonsense. Sparks fly, social conventions get tested, zombies may or may not happen, and a new mutual understanding is born.

Canon divergence from the scene in S2E2 when Seo-bi finagles her way to being allowed to see the prince and he instructs her to resurrect Ahn Hyeon – what if instead of that, they came up with another plan of escape? Or maybe Lee Chang sending Seo-bi to spy on the queen goes a different way than in canon? And really, anything that requires those two to pass secret messages while grabbing each other’s hands and staring intently into each other’s eyes is A++ with me!

One theme which emerges gradually, and I really loved, is people having to compromise their principles to survive and ensure the safety of those they feel loyal and/or obliged to: Ahn Hyeon agreeing to turn the sick villagers into zombies, dear Mu-yeong having been a spy but also protecting the prince all along, Seo-bi resurrecting Ahn Hyeon, Lee Chang instructing her to do it as well as his thousand-yard-stare after having to finish off what’s left of his father… I’d love to see more such compromises, how their consequences ripple out, and the emotional fallout.

In addition to zombies, other magical and/or supernatural events and creatures start to appear in Joseon. If you want to bring in something from Buddhist mythology or Korean folklore, please do, and any and all worldbuilding would be awesome. One possibility that occurs to me – and I’m going for broke here – is: a dragon awakes in his cave and shit starts hitting the fan.

Post-canon something in which Lee Chang is king, possibly of only a part of the country (maybe a zombie-free enclave, or a part he won in a civil war against the Cho clan or a cadet branch of his family), and Seo-bi is there as his advisor, physician, and unofficial chancellor. Gimme policymaking to deal with the lingering zombie issue, and assassination plots, and servants/guards/ladies in waiting gossiping like it’s their real job, and all the palace intrigue!

Kind of related to the previous: even as a “spare” prince, Lee Chang can’t marry a commoner. Would he ever think to offer Seo-bi to become his concubine? I don’t think she’d go for it, and he might realize it, but maybe I’m wrong! Or maybe being intensely platonic at each other is as good as it gets for them, and they’re kind of okay with that. Or they get married in secret and have to very careful not to let slip anything by word on gesture in public, or not to let Seo-bi get pregnant. Or, y’know, one day or night on the road or in a fortified town, in between scavenging for supplies and fighting zombies, they decide to bone just because their lives are weird enough now to forget about propriety and all that jazz for an hour.

Role reversal: Seo-bi is the sheltered, willful princess fearful for her position (especially since she’s a woman as well as the daughter of a concubine only) and Lee Chang is the proper yet willful provincial physician. Do they meet as in canon, or under different circumstances (maybe she must flee the court to escape assassins, accusations of treason, or an arranged marriage, with or without bonus zombies)? How would their dynamic be complicated (and made awesome of course!) by the gender reversal? Also, burning question: does Princess Seo-bi already know how to fight (because she forced Mu-yeong to teach her back at court, of course), or does she have to learn once zombies/brigands/insurrection/whatever happen? And does Physician Lee Chang know one end of a musket or sword from another, or does he need rescuing at some point?

I realize that some of these prompts could work as well (better?) as a no-zombies AU, and that’s fine if you want to take it in that direction. Just so we’re clear. J

 Likes:

I love pre-canon, canon, post-canon, canon-divergent, and missing-scene stories. I love character-driven and plot-driven stories equally, and I love fics which mix humor and angst/serious business when appropriate for the canon.

I love stories about characters at work and play, group dynamics, family dynamics (including constructed families), professional partnerships, friendships, alliances, rivalries, intimate couples (new lovers/first times as well as long-term/established couples), UST-ridden couples who are not just UST-ridden but connected in other ways too, etc.

I love irony, snark, humor as well as angst arising from the characters rather than the plot crowbaring it in, linear, non-linear, and 5+1 stories, hopeful endings, happy endings, bittersweet endings, worldbuilding, spiky characters who keep their jagged edges and spikiness in adversity as well as when their lives are going well, square-peg-in-round-hole characters, characters who are their own worst enemies as well as those who can get over themselves when the occasion calls for it, characters with conflicting values which may or may not be reconciled/resolved, characters who treat each other with respect and as equals even if they hate/annoy/can’t stand/love to dislike each other.

I especially love workplace stories (this can mean anything from an actual workplace/casefic/procedural setting to anything that revolves around the canon world in which the characters live) in which the characters are competent and dedicated to the job, and while they may not be exactly friends and they may well irritate one another, they still manage to rub along to get the job done and maybe even grow to care about one another (much to their surprise and sometimes reluctance/discomfort). Or, if they can’t get along, show me why not and what’s preventing them from finding common ground.

In terms of ship dynamics, I love (where it fits the characters) banter, competitiveness or antagonism shading into attraction (this tension need not be resolved), oh-god-why-did-it-have-to-be-you-what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this, bickering yet loving couples, characters who are serious about their romantic interests, characters who think they are much better at flirtation than they actually are, characters forced to work together only to prove much more compatible than they initially assumed, fics which mix an exploration of characters’ professional and everyday lives with shipping. A dynamic I cannot resist is shipping a couple who are incompatible in some important way (they are ideological enemies, cop and criminal, spies from opposite sides, one betrayed the other or they betrayed each other), and while they love and want each other they’re also not willing to change sides or surrender/compromise their identity for the other’s benefit, and how they might (or not) make their relationship work anyway.

I don’t have any very specific likes for smut, other than smut fitting the characters – show me how their canon dynamics spill over into the bedroom (or other place of congress). I also like sexual scenarios that subvert expectations a little and surprise the characters themselves (e.g., the person who’s usually quiet or more passive taking charge, the more aggressive person goes with it possibly snarking or commenting on it as long as they can). And I like sexual scenarios that contain an element of competition, antagonism, oh-god-this-is-a-bad-idea-but-we’re-going-for-it-hammer-and-tongs, not wanting to admit feelings or show vulnerability except oops it happens anyway, whether the characters acknowledge it or not, or just people getting way more into it or being more affected by it than they thought they would. When it fits the characters and their canon dynamic, you also can’t go wrong with we-both-wanted-this-for-forever-and-now-we-both-know-it-so-here-we-go-diving-in-headfirst. For het and/or slash, oral, vaginal, anal incl. pegging, manual (ifyouknowwhatImean) – it’s all good. You can go as veiled or as explicit as you like, but please avoid excessive medical jargon – I don’t find a lot of mention of “penis” or “clit” sexy.

 DNWs:

MPREG, A/B/O, knotting, D/s, kinks, incest, underage, genderswap/genderbent characters, xeno, non-/dub-con, torture and abuse (this and non-/dub-con can be mentioned if the story needs it, but please don’t dwell on it in loving detail or subject any of my requested characters to it), dwelling on bodily fluids (mentions of gore/blood and come are fine), toilet humor, character bashing, issuefic, gender/sexuality/race/ethnicity/religion/ability/identity headcanons, unrequested ships, soulmates and soul marks, major character death (the exception is Laura Moon in American Gods dying so she can become undead), serious illness or injury, pregnancy and children, holiday or wedding setting/theme, secondary characters shipping the main pair like it’s their job, reference to RL current events, 1st/2nd person POV, unrequested crossovers or fusions, AUs which have nothing to do with canon

[taronegerton-fantasies]

Let’s Start The New Year Right

A/N: Happy new year guys!!! I’m a bit behind I’m so sorry huhu. I looked back at my previous works and I laughed because everytime I post something, there will be words like “it has been so long” LOL it has been so long indeed! I haven’t posted something in 4 months. I need to add that on my New Year’s Resolution. I need to post more often! Hahahaha. I have been really busy with school lately. I’m working on my thesis paper so forgive me. Anyway, I hope you like this one. It’s pure fluff with a little bit of angst on the side. Tehez

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I observe my surrounding as the heavy bass music blares in my ears. I am in my best friend Chloe’s house in Aberystwyth. I recognize some people that she has invited in her New Year’s Eve party who are trying to dance their way to the last festivity before the year ends. Some of them were my classmates in few of my subjects. Some of whom I had had a little conversation with and never talked again. Some were I had seen loitering in the hallway and who didn’t even bother going to classes, and some were just I used to see in my old school. They were scattered to different corners of the house. A few people I have bumped into were basically on these five common areas of the house: the corners, the living room area (specifically the sofa), kitchen, the backyard, and the front porch. I mean this is not a high-school-kind-of party, what do you usually see in a grown-up party? Are the overflowing booze and cigarette and blunt smoking still included?  

It’s the time of the year again where people will leave their frustrations behind them and kick-start the new year in a most fascinating way. Forgive people who have wronged you and forget everything and just move on. Fuck that fucking shit. That doesn’t make any single sense to me. They say that forgiveness puts the final seal on what happened that hurt you. Yeah, but that doesn’t you have to forget everything and the person who has wronged you. It’s like you have given them the key to do you bad again. You just proved yourself that you can always throw yourself to the lions whenever you want it. Do you also find it funny when people say “New year, new me”? I mean who says that when you can’t even maintain “the change” for a long time. It’s like you’re trying to write a long ass paragraph of your life in a chapter and once you re-read it, you realized you made a mistake and you will just shrug it off and just write something new in the next chapter but you still end up committing the same shit again you did before. Fucking ridiculous, right?

You might be thinking I’m a mental human kind who happens to be surrounded by normal people in a party. Yeah, I would rather give you that idea than tell you that this house, the one I’m in it right now and leaving invisible traces of mine at this moment holds a lot of memories for me. A roller coaster of my emotions have been lying in these safe walls of this house. And what’s the significance of this humble abode to me?

Chloe’s sister has a brother. His name is Taron. Taron was also my brother’s best friend. Chloe and I became known to each other when we moved in to the house next to them when we were both 6 years old. We weren’t exactly speaking before until their mum asked my mum to look after them both for a day. Since then we have been inseparable and so was my brother and Taron.

We could be seen mostly hanging out in the living room area as the entertainment and all stuff were located there. This is where we watch movies together, play board games, or just have a little bit of a chat. It was the most pleasant space in the world. His room is a whole lot different. This where I lost my virginity for the very first time and my first kiss from Taron. The sex was great, super fucking great. I’m not gonna go into details but it was a fuck-yeah-amazing kind of experience.

My first kiss with him was sweet and slow. I was embarrassed since I didn’t know how to kiss then but he guided me throughout the entire process. We didn’t make out though, he cuddled me and slept the whole day.

Taron and I was once a couple back in the days. It lasted for two years until I saw him with another girl in his bed. I was on my way to this house after I got back home from work to visit my best friend and Taron. Chloe had told me to just go straight to the house if she wasn’t there, also because of her work. So I did. And that was when I heard the strings of moans and a litany of profanities you usually hear in a porn flick. When I burst through door, I saw him with an unrecognizable girl on his bed. The bed where we usually make love and cuddle. His bed that I used to love and know I deeply hate. I ended it right away and never talked to him again even if he had knocked multiple times in our door and wait for hours in our front porch to talk to me. I did not face him.

Taron and my brother fought because of the incident. They put an end to their friendship but rekindled after a few months, which I rolled my eyes at. Boys.

We moved to London a year after my mum got a promotion at her job. That was the last time I saw him since the incident. Chloe and I would still try to meet and catch up if we were both free. She wished that things would go back to the way they were before so we could be all happy again. I would just smile sadly and hug her. She told me that their mum was missing me and would occasionally blame Taron for what he had done. Chloe and Taron had gone through a rough patch before also because of me. I kind of felt bad because people around him were being bitchy but I just think that he deserved that.

He had been bugging me with apologies on social media but gave up when he received none from me. Guilt would occasionally come crashing down on me but when memories of him and the girl fucking on his bed hit me like a freight train, I realized I shouldn’t be.

After Taron heard that I was coming to visit my previous hometown, he has risen from the dead and bombarded me with annoying messages. He said that he wanted to see me and wanted to talk. Chloe also said the same thing though. She says that he was miserable and regretful of what he had done up until now, says that he has been asking me lately how I was doing and if I was coming to the party. When he found out I was coming, his constant messaging happens again.

I also heard from Chloe that Taron is working in company as an art director in London. He knew that I have been living in London for quite some time now. but I had asked her if she told him where I work an my current flat. She told me she didn’t even if Taron kept asking my work address and my flat which I couldn’t be even more thankful to her.

Since I have arrived here, I make sure that he wouldn’t see me and I think I succeeded. Actually, I didn’t want to come but I can’t refuse to Chloe’s request and I haven’t seen her in such a long time, so I ended up just hiding in a house full of drunk people.

I have already seen Taron roaming around but I immensely avoid him. I know he has been looking for me, but I make sure he won’t see me. Not today, nor forever.

 TARON’S POV

 I know she’s somewhere around here. Chloe told me. I asked her a million times just to make sure that Y/N’s coming even if her answers were somewhat annoyed. I want to see her. I want her to know that I’m eternally sorry for what I did. That I was just tempted to sleep with a girl from another school. I want her to know that I’m still in love with her and she has always been on my mind. I want her to know that I want nobody but her and I want her back in my life.

As I was having a little moment by myself, I felt a clap on my back. I quickly whip my head to see who it is and my good friend Nikolai is grinning at me with a cup on his hand.

“Are we having a good night?” he asks excitedly.

“Killin’ it.” I say, returning the grin.

“Have you seen Y/N already? Heard that she’s here.”

My grin falters at the mention of Y/N’s name. I smile sadly and shake my head. “No, man.”

Nikolai claps my back again, twice. “It has been 7 years. She’ll forgive you now.”

“She would have done it before if she wanted it. She’s making a point that she doesn’t want my apologies nor my existence. I did her wrong. I deserve that.” I say sadly.

“Oh man, don’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe tonight, you’ll get to kiss her when the clock strikes at 12.” His voice low, teasing.

I push him a little away from as I snort. “She couldn’t even reply to my messages and then I’ll get to kiss her? Dude??” I cock an eyebrow at him as I look at him humorously.

“Dude?? Look at how good you have gotten the past years! I swear if I was Y/N, I would forget  everything and kiss the crap out of you.” He remarks.

My eyes widen in pure horror and take a step back away from him, “Get away from me!”

He laughs manically, spilling some of his drink on the carpet. Surely, Chloe would be cranky and pissed at cleaning the carpet the next morning. Poor sister.

“I’m just saying though!” He says, still laughing. “Anyway, have a smashing night! Remember what I said!” He claps me again on the back. I return the gesture by also patting his chest twice and by saying the same thing. And with that, he starts walking away.

I let out a sigh and get myself a drink in the kitchen. After I got myself one, I start walking toward the stairs and make my way up to the terrace. All my hopes on seeing her this time came crumbling down on me again like it’s always been. Maybe this isn’t the right time, I thought.

As I’m about to enter the threshold, I stop as I see a figure of a woman leaning on the railings. Her back is onto me, her body facing the backyard below her. Her dirty blond hair is styled somewhat wavy. She is wearing a pink dress. Beside her are a pair of high heels, I suppose she removed it because her feet got tired. Her senses start penetrating her whole being, her inner self tells her that someone is watching her because she whips her head at my direction. And I swear my heart stops beating.

Y/N’S POV

It’s him. Taron; The guy who constantly made my heart race, the guy who broke my heart 7 years ago, standing few centimeters away from me as he regards me with an expression that I can’t decipher: Shock, maybe? He looks so pale that I almost think it’s a ghost he is seeing and not me.

I’m not gonna lie, He still looks as beautiful as we were young, but more matured. He was a dashing, handsome young man. Now, he has a gym honed physique and muscles wrought from iron. He has a buzzed cut hair and gimlet eyes. His pinched-in cheekbones rested on skin that was stretched tight by exercise. And god, his jaw. He has a marble jaw that is rugged and masculine, speckled with manly, peppered stubble. His shoulders are sculpted in a most defined way and has a barrel chest. 

No, he has gotten even more beautiful.

I face the backyard again, you’re supposed to be mad and plotting your escape, not ogle on him. I’m considering the idea of jumping off the railings just to get away with him. I opt to escape by the door but he won’t let me get through it. I want to smack my head a million times for coming up in here. This was his favorite place back then aside from the living room, his bedroom, and the kitchen. I used to find him in here when I can’t look for him anywhere. This part of the house was his escape from the world.

“Please Y/N.” He says, blocking the way. He closes the door and takes a step forward to me. His eyes are full of sadness, like a ukulele that produces broken sounds and not that relaxing tones.

“Please.” He repeats, touching me. I yank my hand out of his grasp. His touches are burning. I could almost hear the hissing sound it makes as it burns the area where he had touched.

“Do not touch me.” I say. There is an edge in my voice.

He hangs his head down, putting his hands into his pockets with a resigned expression. I back away from him and sit on one of the chairs. I watch him sit down on a chair by the door. We stay quiet for a couple of minutes. None of us are uttering any single word. The air is so thick I could cut it with a knife. The silence is embracing us in a way that it feels cold suddenly. He begins by saying the words I’ve always wanted to hear but never wanted to at the same time.

“I’m sorry.” His voice soft.

I slowly move my head to the side where he is sitting and regard him carefully. He is not looking at me, he is just sitting there staring into space.

I laugh sardonically, “If your ‘sorry’ could fix everything, I wouldn’t have been in such a shit state for 7 fucking years. 7 fucking years, Taron. I was miserable and kept thinking what went wrong I had to see you with a girl on your bed! I hold that fucking bed close to my heart and you chose to fuck a bimbo like it was a bed in a cheap motel! Fuck you!” I was now raging, fuming, and crying. I hope there will be none listening to us downstairs. I doubt.

He runs his hands on his face up to his hair as he rests on his nape, linking his fingers together. “I didn’t know what came over me that time. I was bored and-“ I cut him off, my voice going an octave higher.

“You were bored?!” I want to punch him in the fucking face. “What a fucking valid reason you got there, buddy. “I was bored”! I fucking like it! You could do better than that!” I yell, my anger building up. I smack his shoulder a couple of times as I release all the anger I’ve stayed hidden for the past years. I actually see red I am so infuriated with him. He didn’t fight me as I’m making his damn arm a punching bag. All he does is protect himself from the blows I give him and cry. I know he is not crying because I’m physically hurting him. He’s crying how much this hurts him.

“Y/N, Please-“ he turns to me as he sobs.

“I hate you.” I seethe.

He is crying so hard that he chokes. I’ve seen him like this when his best friend died from a car accident. I’ve never seen him cry again like that until this happened. He kneels on my side as he begs me.

“Please, Y/N. Just hear me out…” He pleads. I look at him as he catches his breath before, his head down. He wipes his nose with shirt and looks up at me. I look away, my eyes release fresh tears before he starts, “I wasn’t even thinking that time. I was really bored. I got a text from an unknown number, said she was an old friend from my old school and told me she got my number from Nikolai. She told me she just needed a friend because her boyfriend broke up with her…” His hiccup stops him, then he continues again, “And then we’ve talked it out over a few drinks. We both got drunk. She was touchy. I tried to stop her and told her that I have a girlfriend but she wasn’t having it. And that’s when you saw us in our room.” He says, his voice low and resigned.

I cannot wrap all the information in my head. My eyes keep releasing tears, making my vision blur. I didn’t say anything. Just keep my head straight and stare into nothing. The laughs below us filling my ear. The happy sounds that it makes is trying to embrace us both, but the sadness is keeping us away from it. I clench my fist. Taron must have seen it because he winces as he starts to back away from to give him another angry blow. But I didn’t. I just silently weep.

“Believe me Y/N. It was all a mistake. I didn’t want her. After that happened, I blamed Nikolai for everything. You have to believe me please…” He sobs again. He hangs his head down as he kneels. He looks so vulnerable. I want to hug him and tell him everything is okay now. I want to but I can’t.

He starts again, “I haven’t had a girlfriend for years now, I did but it only lasted for three months. I kept thinking about you. You’re constantly on my mind. Always have, always will. I love you, please forgive me…”

And then I’m lost. It’s like someone have slapped me and tell me that I need to believe him. Like I’m suddenly unfettered by the antediluvian anger that I have always been keeping. I realized that I still love him. That I have always been craving for his touch.  

I watch him weep. His body is trembling from crying too much. He looks up at me, regards with such sadness and hope in his eyes. A complex mixture of green and blue with a speckled of gold in his eyes to match with my eye color. A silent plead that he’s telling me through his eyes that he wants to take me back again.  

A single tear run down his beautiful face and I wipe it my thumb. He shivers and lets out a shaky breath. He starts crying again.

“Oh god, Y/N. Oh my god.”  He sobs out.

I kneel down in front of him and pull him by the shoulders. He reacts immediately and wraps his strong, bulky arms around my waist, clinging tightly to me.

“I’m so sorry baby… I’m really sorry…” He says in between cries. I run my hand on his back as my other one is on his hair. Gently coaxing him.

“I’m sorry too. I know I should have done this a long time ago. I was really mad and hurt. I needed this talk, we both needed this.” I kiss the crown of his head. He pulls away and holds my face in his hands. We stare at each other for a split second, drinking each other’s features.

He really looks so damn beautiful. His face has gotten more matured. The old Taron I used to like had more baby fats in his body. His features weren’t defined and his muscles were just starting to form. I wipe the tears on his eyes as he does the same to me. He laughs as he reaches for the collar of his shirt to wipe his nose and sniffs afterwards.

He fishes something in pocket and hands me his handkerchief to wipe my nose. I wipe my nose like what he did, in a most unlady like way. I look at him and he’s watching me with an amused expression. We start laughing together. After that, He smiles sweetly at me.

That sweet smile that I love, still has an effect on me. I move closer to him and reach hands up to run my fingers along his stubble. It’s rough and gritty. I can’t wait to feel that on my legs.

I smile and giggle at myself. He smiles at me, flashing his perfect set of white teeth. “What were you thinking?” He asks quietly.

“That I should’ve done this a long time ago and I missed you.” I run my thumb along his bags and on his eyebrows. He closes his eyes at my touch. Then he says, “I miss you too baby.” He opens his eyes, it went down on my mouth then back to my eyes again.

“We’re supposed to be kissing now.” I say as I link my fingers to his neck.

“I know.”

“So kiss me.”

He shakes his head.

“Why?” I frown.

“Because,” he explains. He kisses the tip of my nose before he continues, “I will kiss you when the clock strikes at 12.” He bites his bottom lip.

I roll my eyes as I let out a chuckle, “You haven’t changed.”

He scoffs, “I have changed a lot.” He flexes his biceps in front of me and I giggle. He chuckles shortly before dropping his arm back down and sighs, “But my feelings for you haven’t changed.” He leans in to kiss my forehead. “I love you and I missed you, Y/N. So much. You don’t even know how long I have been waiting this day to come.” I smile at him as I blush deeply.

“I never thought that this day would come. It sounds ridiculous how I have mentioned how much I hate you moments ago.” He features suddenly becomes sad, he looks down on his lap. I lift his chin up and smile sweetly at him. I continue, “And I realized how stupid I am for not giving you a chance to explain everything, I also realized how much I still love you.” I’m so fucking tempted to kiss him but I also like his idea of kissing at 12, so I opt for the best and kiss his cheeks.

He smiles at me and regards me with pure adoration in his eyes, just looking at me like he can’t believe what is happening. He then breaks the silence, “Shall we go downstairs?” He asks sweetly.

I nod.

He stands up and offers his hand to me. As soon as I’m on my feet, he pulls me in a tight embrace. I wrap my arms on his waist and kiss his chest, where his heart lies. He sighs and kisses my hair.

He pulls away and links his fingers to mine. “Let’s go downstairs.” I clutch his hand tightly as go down and deal with his guests.  Chloe would probably go nuts when she sees us together. And I was right with my intuitions.

She is standing at the end of the stairs, talking to a brawny looking guy and to Nikolai. I also spot my brother talking to them, which surprises me because I didn’t know that he was coming. After all we didn’t go together. Chloe whips her head at the top of the stairs and takes a double look at us.

She starts shrieking when she sees us coming down the stairs, calling the attention of people around her and start regarding us with such curiosity. I hide on his side and he unlatches his fingers from mine. He hugs my side as I start to hide my face on his armpit and grips my hand on his waist. I sense that Taron rolls his eyes dramatically because he tells his sister to shut the fuck up (what a sweet relationship they have, yeah?). I lift my head to look at the people in front of me: Chloe, who is looking at us with pure happiness and disbelief, Nikolai who is grinning at us, my brother who is somewhat smirking and smiling, and the brawny looking guy with… I don’t know. He just looks at us with a what’s going on expression. Taron greets him though by giving him a manly handshake. He introduces me to him and I find out his name is Tommy.

Our group has had a little bit of a chat before someone yells around the house that the countdown is about to start. We gather ourselves in the living room and prepare for the countdown. Taron whips me softly to face him.

He is staring at me, not like the he-is-undressing-me-kind-of look but the kind of look like you’re the only person he only sees and as if the world has stopped moving. Though the temperature in the room is somewhat between crisp and warm, I’m sweating. His eyes examine every corner of my face, as if memorizing every part of it and inscribe it on his brain.

Then he breaks into a toothy and most disarming smile. I smile back at him, matching his smile and he tucks a strand of hair in my ear. He envelops me in a tight hug and kisses my cheek.

“Y/N… Baby…” He says to my ears, “This is the happiest night of my life. There’s no rush, but I want you to know that your forgiveness is what really matters to me. I’m really sorry for what I did, I really am baby. And I want you to know that all these years, it has always been you. No one else, just you.” He confesses.

I pull away, but I don’t break the hug just so I can look into his face. So fucking beautiful, I thought. He has the makings of a good Hollywood actor, or a model. A fine figure, fierce eyes that could bore into your soul. A beautifully sculpted face (don’t get me started on that beautiful face, I’m telling you). Also, did I tell you he has a good voice too? He doesn’t let anyone hear his voice, it’s ridiculous. I don’t know why.

I badly want to kiss him. His lips are so inviting, I want to feel his lips on mine again after all those years. I want to feel that longing after we pull apart; the need to touch him, run my fingers through his hair as he speaks sweet nothing through my follicles. I want to feel the boy again who swept me off my feet by accident and made an interesting history together.

When will this countdown starts?

He sways our body from side to side. I leave a trail of kiss to his chin up to his jaw, pressing my lips on his cheeks as it reaches there. I peck it twice, just to contain myself and to just show my respect for his cheesy idea. “Baby…” I start, kissing centimeters away on the side of his mouth (can you blame me?!) “We may have gone through a rough patch. I may have told you not so nice things. I may have tried to push away all my feelings for you, tried to hide it and constantly reminded myself to hate you, but I was wrong. The moment I saw you upstairs, how sincere you are, how sorry you are, how much you still love me after all, I realize that I love you. And it has always been you Taron.” I pull away to look at his expression.

He looks like he’s about to cry. I don’t want to make him cry again. Enough crying for this night. So I pinch his cheeks and stretch it out on his face as we both laugh. And the countdown begins.

“10!” the crowd begins to shout happily and excitedly.

Taron pulls me by the waist, his stares are getting more intense by each millisecond.

“9!”

“Are you ready?” He smirks right back at me.

“8!”

I roll my eyes and scoff, “I’ve never been more ready.” He grazes my cheek with his thumb and smile.

“7!”

We watch each other as we wait for the countdown. Our stares are getting more intense each millisecond passes. He says, “Here’s to good new memories and experiences.”

“6!”

“Here’s to good new memories and experiences.” I repeat, smiling, linking my fingers to his neck.

“5!”

I watch Taron licks his bottom lip in an achingly slow pace. I absentmindedly bite my bottom lip as he unintentionally makes a mess in me.

“4!”

He pulls me closer to him, his hands on my waist.

“3!”

“Happy new year, baby.” He smiles, grazing his fingers on the side of my face.

“2!”

“Happy new year, Taron.” I say, moving towards to each other even more closer, filling the gap between us.

“1!” we both lean in, our faces centimeters apart, waiting for the crowd’s go signal.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

And with that, our lips finally meet. I melt into the kiss. My knees go weaker the time he enters his tongue in my mouth. Our lips move slowly. There is no rush, it’s as if we’re savoring the time and moments we have missed when we were both apart. I sigh into the kiss, making me relaxed than ever. All my angers and pent up frustrations to him dissipates into the thin air. Our lips are moving in open lips with some tongue interplay. It’s sweet, hot, and passionate. I run my fingers to his smooth, soft hair, and he moans. His tongue invades my mouth as he presses me close to his body. He kisses me deeply and so passionately that it’s making me hard to breathe. I feel like I’m floating in the air, so overwhelmed.

We have clearly drowned out the sounds of the cheers of the people who are happily welcoming the year, clearly forgetting the fact the we are not alone. Until we both feel that someone bumps us intentionally and as we pull away from our kiss, we see that Chloe is squealing in delight. Seconds later, my brother follows and envelops us in a tight group hug and that make us all groan.

As my brother releases us all, Chloe starts jumping and clapping like a kid who got a candy, “I’m so happy!” She squeals again, “Happy new year guys!”

Taron kisses her sister on the cheek as he hugs her. I do the same thing to my brother. I thanked him for everything, for making me happy when I’m sad and for knocking at my door when he’s “fucking bored” (according to him) and we’ll go out to get something to binge eat as we watch endless tv series. He coos at me and kisses my temple. “I love you, sis.” He says. I tear slips from my eyes. He laughs and pinches my cheek.

I asked him when did he got here, since I travelled by myself to get here. He told me he got the last trip at the train station after he got off from his work half day. I interrogate him and ask him how come he still has work when it’s the holiday season. I asked him if he went to see this girl he has been seeing, Rebekah. he shrugs and smirks, earning a side way glance from me. And we both burst out laughing. It’s all good.

I hug Chloe as tightly as I can. I thank her a million times. For when she’s there when I needed her. When I was a miserable shit and she was there listening to me as I cry. For not questioning my anger against Taron, for countless times that I had spewed all the nastiest words I could think of to his brother. I know she should have, but she knows what I had been going through. But she lets me. I thank her for all the times when we had, from then up to now. For being a good best friend in a whole wide world.

She thanks me for choosing her to be my best friend when there are tons of other girls in our neighborhood to share all my secrets with and bond over everything. Silly, silly girl. So I pinch her bum and did the same to me. And we both burst out laughing. It’s all good.

I turn myself to the pretty boy standing next to me. My brother and Chloe must have sensed that we need this moment, so they both scramble off to their feet and give us the time we need.

I press my lips to him. He leans in again and presses his after I pull away. We stay there like that.

“I promise to love you no matter what. To be there when you need me. I promise, I promise, I promise to be faithful to you, if you will give me another chance. I won’t ever blow this again.” And then he seals it with a kiss.

I smile, “I also promise to be there when you need me. And if I give you another chance, I promise to listen to you when you’ve got something to say.” I say as I graze his top lip. “Cheers to the new chapter.”

He smiles, his eyes crinkle. “Cheers to the new chapter.”

I peck his lips. “Shall we start partying now?” I ask him, giggling.

He links his fingers with mine and dance our way to the new chapter of our rekindled relationship.

It’s all good.

------

Part 2? Yes? ;)

[dawnover-dusk]

Future (Yugyeom)

genre: sort of college!AU?, fluff

word count: 2,826

note: I used to be total JYP trash, and this was one of the first scenarios I wrote/posted before deleting that blog completely. I thought it could just live here now …. and ya’ll can cringe along with me

series: i used to be a got7 stan until they finally found their music sound and i didn’t like it lol

Future (Yugyeom) | Problem (Jinyoung) | Falling Slow (Youngjae)

“Hey it’s your girl Jimin! You know what to do.”

You sighed as you ended the call and tossed your phone onto your bed. You followed your phone shortly after, the mattress squeaking as it took the brunt of your weight. Pressing your face against the pillow, you let out a whine, wondering why your best friend wasn’t picking up your calls. The showcase is this weekend, so I guess they’re practicing…

You rolled onto your back and stared up at the cracked ceiling of your dorm room. I have nothing to do on a Friday night, you mused, listening to the quiet sound of rain and cars rounding the block. You grasped for your phone and turned it on, flicking through Instagram and watching Snapchat stories with no particular interest in anyone else’s life…

Wait.

You swore that you just saw Yugyeom run by as Jimin lip synced to a song in the foreground—and was that Jinyoung in a dress?

Grinning, you texted Jimin with several laughing emojis and a “Props to Jinyoung for fly-kicking Yugyeom while in a bodycon dress. Is this what people in your department do all day?”

You were jolted from your self-induced YouTube haze by the sound of Taylor Swift welcoming you to New York. You located your phone and fumbled with its case, muttering, “Yes, Taylor, I’ve lived in New York my entire life…” before seeing an extreme close up shot of Jimin’s face as your caller ID. You giggled to yourself and as soon as you answered the call, you heard Jimin shout, “COME DOWNSTAIRS!”

Looking out of the window, you saw Jimin standing at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the porch, her arms folded against the early spring chill. You waved at her and dashed downstairs to meet her on the porch. She met you with a hug and you jumped up and down, cheerfully shouting, “Weekly hangout sesh!” You let go when you heard the sound of gravel crunching as a car drove down the driveway. As the car came to a stop, the door opened to reveal Yugyeom, who grinned at you and extended his hand out to offer you your favorite iced drink. You let out a small “hooray” as he sipped on a chocolate shake.

“Okay, my turn to drive!” Jimin squealed as she tossed her small bag onto the passenger’s seat. She began to adjust the mirrors and the seat to fit her infinitely smaller frame as Yugyeom switched to the backseat. Shrugging, you began to walk around the car towards the passenger door when Jimin stopped you.

“Nope, my bag called shotgun. Go sit with Yugyeom,” she teased, mischievously smiling at you. Confusion crossed your face as you glanced at Yugyeom through the open door. You weren’t sure if it was the dim lighting or not, but you saw his cheeks flush before his face retreated into the shadows as he moved to make room for you.

“Can I just say that Yugyeom is six feet tall and that this makes no sense? Or can I just pull my seniority card here?” you asked. Jimin responded by getting into the car and closing her door. You sighed and got into the backseat, noticing that your outer thigh was flush against Yugyeom’s lanky legs.

Your chin found Yugyeom’s shoulder as you whispered, “Does she know that she’s going twenty below the speed limit?” He laughed as he glanced at the speedometer. Sure enough, Jimin was going at twenty miles per hour at ten o’clock at night. Yugyeom reached over to flick the back of the girl’s head, who let out a loud “Yah!” in surprise.

“Jimin, just pull over and switch with me,” Yugyeom sighed. “I told you that it’s different driving at night.”

“No, no, I got this.”

“You know that we could’ve just walked over the Got7 house faster than it’s taking you right now?”

“You know that you should just shut up, right?” Jimin retorted before conceding defeat and putting the car into park.

You shook your head as you watched the two of them before muttering, “Why am I friends with freshmen?”

“HEY!”

Yugyeom held the door open for you as you took off your shoes and ran to hug the older members of the performance group. Got7 was a subunit of the largest dance crew at your university, JYPENT, founded by an alumnus known notoriously by his initials, JYP. You heard that he ended up founding a real entertainment company and would frequently come to the showcases held at the end of each semester to recruit talent.

“What took you so long?” Jinyoung asked, slinging his arm around your shoulders.

“Jimin was driving,” you exaggeratedly sobbed and placed a hand on your forehead, “I thought I was going to die!”

“Okay, you don’t even have your driver’s license and you’re old, so back off,” Jimin sassed.

“Also, save the acting for the PMAs.”

“Speaking of performing and media arts students…” You opened Snapchat on your phone and played Jimin’s story again. “Jinyoung, do I even want to know?”

“Oh, that’s the dress for my solo stage in the showcase!” Jimin remarked. “Jinyoung joked that he could fit into it—let me tell you, I did not know what to feel when I saw that. I think I’m honestly traumatized.”

Jinyoung hit Jimin’s shoulder lightly in protest as the younger girl ran off to talk to Jaebum with a light bounce in her steps.

-

You first met Jinyoung during your sophomore year at the university’s Writing Institute, where you were paired on shift to offer feedback on student assignments and essays. Through him, you met many of the JYPENT members, and you began to help behind the scenes during their big showcases. You were especially close to the older members of Got7 as you were the same year as them, and you looked forward to graduating with them in May.

With the addition of the newest members of JYPENT, Jimin, Yugyeom, and BamBam served to round out your group of friends by bringing spontaneity and carefreeness. Jimin even brought Yerin out of her quiet shell, and seeing them perform on stage together moved you to tears sometimes. Although you called them your babies, Jimin quickly became a friend that you could rely on, even with the age difference.

Unknown to you, however, was that she was also trying to get you with Yugyeom ever since the fall, when she saw his face light up with glee after you stole his fluffy black sweater to wear on your walk home after a late night dance practice session.

Jimin didn’t let him live it down.

She had decided that tonight was the night to put her plan, which she lovingly referred to as “Make Gyeomie a Man!”, into action. It was already late April, the showcase was this weekend, and you were set to graduate next month. It was now or never! She made eye contact with Jinyoung and Jaebum, whom she had recruited to this mission, and jerked her head to the side.

Jaebum rolled his eyes. He thought this whole thing was quite juvenile, and honestly, he had told Yugyeom to just confess before they graduated, or he would regret it. Jaebum couldn’t help but indulge Jimin in her shenanigans, though, so he reluctantly walked over to speak with Yugyeom.

“You’re not hitting your moves cleanly,” he stated bluntly. Yugyeom looked at the leader of his group in slight confusion as BamBam scurried off. Jaebum sighed and pulled out his phone. “I’ve been monitoring the dance practices, and your moves are not sharp enough; they’re almost sluggish. I know JYP is coming for tomorrow’s showcase, and I know that this is your dream, so I want you to do your best, okay?”

Yugyeom quietly nodded, even though he was confused by the suddenness of the conversation. Jaebum smiled contently and added, “It’s already eleven, so you should fit in an hour of practice and then have a good sleep.” He smirked when he saw Yugyeom’s eyes wander to where you were seated on the floor of the living room, playing with Coco. “You should ask if she wants to accompany you; she was actually the one to point out the mistakes in our choreography,” he lied easily. “She could provide good feedback.”

On her end, Jimin sat next to you as you and Youngjae played fetch with Coco. Jimin was watching the conversation across the room, though, and as it wound down, she nudged you for your attention.

“Hey, Jaebum’s making Yugyeom practice the choreography again tonight. You should probably get your stuff out of his car.”

You frowned as you checked your phone for the time. “It’s so late though! And the showcase is tomorrow.”

“Yeah, Jaebummie just wants Yugyeom to be perfect so he can get scouted tomorrow and officially join the company as a trainee.

“Well, he’s not going to be perfect if he’s half asleep!”

Your attention turned to the tall boy walking towards you. Getting up from the floor, you wiped stray dog fur from your jeans as he asked, “I’m going to go to the practice room, do you need a ride home?”

“Nah, I’ll keep you company. Though I may fall asleep, being old and all,” you joked. You hugged Jimin and the rest of the Got7 members before you left, promising to arrive early to help set up the showcase tomorrow.  

-

You ended up recording his choreography practices on your phone, and you pointed out spots where he seemed off or could have cleaner moves. As he spun and posed for the final move, sweat dripping down his forehead, he turned around in the silent room to see you asleep on the couch. Looking at his phone, he frowned to see that it was already one in the morning, and he felt a little bad for keeping you out so late. Grabbing your phone and putting it in his pocket, he gently lifted you up and carried you to the car.

As he parked the car in the driveway, he heard you stirring awake in the backseat. Your voice came out scratchy when you asked him for the time, and you nodded sleepily as you opened the door. “I’ll just stay the night; you should get some sleep.”

The two of you walked into the quiet house. He shuffled to grab you one of his t-shirts and left the room as you changed. Yawning, you padded into the living room, intent on sleeping on the couch, but you found him nestling into the blankets.

“Yugyeom, go sleep in your bed. You have to dance tomorrow,” you whispered, pointing to the room that you just came out of. Yugyeom waved you off, but you grabbed his hand and pulled him off the couch. “Let’s just share it,” you suggested.

Yugyeom’s eyes widened slightly when you pulled him back into his bedroom. You began to climb into one side of the bed as he stood there, staring at you in a mixture of shock and panic. You sighed and said, “You have a queen sized bed because you’re freakishly tall, let’s just sleep.”

He snapped out of his state and turned off the light, climbing into the bed as well. He made sure to leave a body’s width of space between the two of you, but you foiled his plan when you curled up, close enough for him to feel your body heat, and whispered good night.

-

Yugyeom woke up an hour before noon, and to his disappointment, he found your side of the bed empty and smoothed out. Grabbing the note that you left on the pillow, he smiled as he read that you were preparing the auditorium and that you had left some breakfast in the microwave.

After a day of last minute practices with his group, wardrobe fittings, hair and makeup, he finally found you checking the seating placements for the reserved rows at the showcase venue. Your face brightened as you saw him in his stage outfit, and you wrapped you arms around him, inhaling the scent of his leather jacket. “Look, you’re all grown up,” you smiled, “I think I might cry.”

Withdrawing from the hug, you looked up at him before standing on one of the seats to get to his eye level. You placed your hands on his shoulders and said, “This is my last showcase, so you better kill it out there, okay? And then you will get scouted and I can sell your sweater on Ebay for millions.” You smiled at him before wrapping your arms around his shoulders, bringing him into one last hug before dress rehearsals began.

Jaebum watched the two of you and smiled. He texted Jimin, “Surprisingly, I think your plan worked.”

Jimin replied a few seconds later, “Did you doubt me?!!! Also, Jinyoung totally stretched out my dress, ugh~”

-

The lights dimmed as the last performance for the night ended. Loud cheers and claps reverberated through the auditorium as Jaebum stepped onto the stage to thank the crew members and the behind the scenes staff. You watched from stage right, trying to contain your emotions as your last showcase was coming to a close.

“Finally, we would like to thank an honorary member of JYPENT, who has helped us practice and stayed up with us for three years while we chased our dreams,” Jaebum said, his voice crackling through the speakers. He pointed over to where you were standing, and you felt a gentle shove to go towards the spotlight. Jimin and Yerin walked over from the opposite side of the stage and handed you a bouquet of flowers. You could hear Jackson shout from backstage to make a speech.

“I’m so thankful that I got the opportunity to work with all the JYPENT members, especially because I’m not in their field of study. To all those who have already graduated and to those who I haven’t met yet, I hope you all achieve all the things that you’ve dreamt of doing…JYPENT has been my second family…”

Your voice faltered as you began to cry. You tried to hide behind the bouquet of flowers as the audience cheered. Jimin hugged you as the rest of the JYPENT members swarmed onto the stage for a final dance party.

Your friend steered you backstage and into the the arms of Yugyeom, who ran his fingers through your hair as you pressed your head against his chest. Jimin excused herself to join the dance party on stage, but not without snapping a few pictures of you two on her phone. She ran out laughing as Yugyeom glared at her and drew his thumb across his throat as a threat.

Your breathing calmed as you hesitantly whispered, “I’m going to miss you the most, Gyeomie.” He pulled a way slightly, and with incredible fondness in his eyes, he leaned in and cautiously kissed you. You responded by tip-toeing and pulling him closer.

-

The remaining JYPENT members hollered as you and the graduating members walked down to receive your diplomas. You spent the rest of the day taking pictures with your second family, determined to preserve these memories for years to come.

At the barbeque held at the Got7 house, you felt arms around your waist as Yugyeom bent down to whisper excitedly, “Guess what?!” Boyish glee was written all over his face and you faced him, his arms still settled comfortably on your lower back.

“You’re officially a trainee?” You deadpanned. His face fell into a pout, complaining that you had “ruined the surprise.”

You laughed and reached up to ruffle his hair. “My boyfriend’s super talented, so why wouldn’t any entertainment company want him?”

Jimin and Jackson sighed and said dramatically, “Oh, young love!” You turned to look at your best friend before tackling her to the ground and tickling her until she surrendered.

“And I know you’re a trainee too, Miss Solo Artist!” You got off of her and helped her back up as she tried to steady her breathing. “Ugh, I hate how you all are so talented; you’re all going to be famous and forget about little old me.”

“Never!” Jimin gasped in an expression of mock hurt. “I’ll forget about you in a few years tops, so you’ll still be ‘little young me.’”

You groaned at her joke and slapped her shoulder. “Okay Miss Thing, this is why you are a singer and not a comedian.”

Jimin nodded at Yugyeom, who was fooling around with the other Got7 members. “Have you told him about your grad school plans yet?”

You smiled smugly. “Nah, it’s still sort of nice to hear all these reassurances about our relationship and how he’s going to make it work and whatnot. I honestly think he’s more worried about it than me!” you exclaimed.

[yawednesdays-blog]

MOXIE is more than just a book, it’s a call to action! We talk all things Riot Grrl, music and our misspent youth with author Jennifer Mathieu.

The Riot Grrl movement was born out of the feminist punk scene of the 1990s. Nearly 20 years later and so much has changed, but even more has stayed the same. There is still a need for female unity. There is still a need for feminist activism. There is still a need for Riot Grrl. Jennifer Mathieu’s new book MOXIE reminds us of all the reasons we need REVOLUTION GIRL STYLE NOW!

YA WEDNESDAY PRESENTS:

An Interview With Jennifer Mathieu

Q: The dedication of this book is badass but it makes me think this story is personal. What inspired Moxie?

A: Writing that dedication was, truly, the most fun I have had writing in years. It was very cathartic. I think I was inspired to write Moxie not only because of my personal interest in Riot Grrrl and feminism (which really started during college) but also because I wanted to write the sort of book my high school self would have wanted to read. My high school was very conservative, stifling, and especially restrictive when it came to gender roles. It was the early 90s in the suburbs and it was hard. The teacher to whom I dedicated the book also bragged about giving his wife a frying pan for her birthday. The vibe was just gross and in my gut I knew it. But I didn’t have Moxie or anything like it, so I decided to write the book I wish I’d had when I was 15.

Q: I grew up in small town not unlike East Rockport High and Vivian’s story felt very real to me. Was your high school experience like what was described in Moxie?

A: Yes, in a lot of ways. I didn’t grow up in a small town, but the sports teams were very important at my school. My school was religious, too, so in many ways it was very conservative. I don’t mean to imply you can’t be religious and progressive or religious and a feminist, but my school was very conservative in its approach to social issues. It put a high premium on conformity. I had several bad experiences there. The teacher to whom I dedicated the book was one of them. I also had my cheerleading coach imply I needed to lose weight. It was really gross.

Q: Music was such a large part of the Riot Grrl movement and Vivian’s story. What songs fueled you while writing Moxie?

A: I remember the first girl punk song that blew my mind was Cherry Bomb by the Runaways. I discovered it in high school because it was on the Dazed and Confused soundtrack, which I played obsessively on cassette – lol! When I got to Northwestern for college, I met up with people who I really connected with, and they introduced me to punk. I listened to a lot of those songs as I was writing Moxie, including a ton of Bikini Kill, of course. I listened to Cool Schmool by Bratmobile repeatedly as well as a lot of Team Dresch songs. I listened to a lot of music by bands that came a bit after the RG movement, including Sleater-Kinney and Cadallaca. I don’t always listen to music when I write, but for this book I definitely did!

  Q: In Moxie, Vivian finds a box of paraphernalia from her mother’s high school days called “My Misspent Youth” box. What would be in your My Misspent Youth box?

A: Great question! It’s funny because after the book went to print I wondered if I should have called that box something else because I don’t think Vivian’s mom thought her youth was misspent – she was mostly being tongue in cheek about it! Her youth was important and revelatory for her as was mine. I’m 40 years old, and I think I would include my ticket stubs from all the shows I went to – Fugazi, Sleater-Kinney, The Queers, etc. as well as some of the books that made a real impact on me, including Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion and the Sisterhood is Powerful anthology, edited by Robin Morgan. I’d include some of my journals and the letters and postcards my friends and I wrote to each other – we were part of the last generation to write to one another instead of just email or text. I would also include Zine, the Pagan’s Head zine anthology by Pagan Kennedy, which introduced me to zine culture and what zines are all about.

A few item from Jennifer’s “My Misspent Youth” box.

  Q: Vivian was inspired by the Riot Grrl movement from the 1990s. What historical movement or individuals inspired you both in high school and now?

A: For me personally, looking at feminism’s second wave, I am deeply inspired by Gloria Steinem and Audre Lorde. I had the opportunity to hear Gloria speak when I was in college and it was an amazing experience. Audre Lorde’s “Sister Outsider” collection is as relevant today as ever, especially in regard to feminism needing to be inclusive and not just a movement full of middle class white women. As far as RG, I was and still am inspired by Kathleen Hanna, the lead singer of Bikini Kill and later Le Tigre and The Julie Ruin. I know in her early years she shunned off the “leader” title, but she is so charismatic, inspiring, and hilarious it’s no surprise that word kept getting thrown at her. I have also been so impressed by Beth Ditto, who led the band Gossip and is now a solo artist. I recently read her autobiography From Coal to Diamonds and was so touched by her insight and honesty. She was really influenced by the Riot Grrrl movement as well. And finally, Roxane Gay is one of the most important feminist voices out there right now. She should be required reading in schools, and that’s why I name dropped her in Moxie! LOL!

Some of the woman that inspire Jennifer Mathieu. Take note ladies.

Q: In Moxie, some students are less than enthusiastic with the idea of a feminist agenda at their school. What would you say to anyone who thinks “feminist” is a dirty word? 

A: I would be really gentle with them because arguing back isn’t going to help change their minds. I would ask them why the think this way. For a lot of people I think it’s the media’s influence or just stuff heard at home. Feminists are man haters or can’t wear makeup – just dumb stereotypes that get circulated online and elsewhere. I would ask them if they think women and men should be paid the same. I would ask them if men should be able to cry in public and not get shamed for it. I would ask them if childcare and housework should be valued no matter who does it. Feminism isn’t scary if you think about it like that – it’s really about liberation for everyone from stifling and repressive stereotypes. As the great bell hooks said, feminism is for everybody. It’s about love, inclusivity, and living authentically.  I think approaching the conversation that way might help.

Q: After finishing Moxie I was ready to take over the world! What would you suggest for girls who want to continue the Moxie movement after they finish this kick-ass book?

A: I’m so glad you felt this way! I didn’t want Moxie to be the ending point but rather the starting point, so with the help of my former student, Lexi Acevedo, I created the Moxie Tumblr which can be found at moxiegirlsfightback.com. There you can find resources, a playlist, and tips on starting your own Moxie Club at your school! You can also Ask a Moxie Girl a question or submit original art and writing to be shared on the Tumblr. It’s my hope that the Moxie movement really becomes a community. The book is already out in the UK and I recently heard from two young women over there who are working on their own zines and starting a Moxie Club! i wanted to scream with excitement! Actually, I did!

Q: So, the rights to Moxie have been acquired by Amy Poehler’s production company (yay!). What songs would be on your dream Moxie soundtrack?

A: Yes, right now the screenplay is being developed and we’ll see what happens from there! As for my dream soundtrack, I would recommend every song on the Moxie playlist, which you can find on the Tumblr. For sure Bikini Kill’s “Rebel Girl” and “Feels Blind” would go on there, but I would also want to include some contemporary lady punk, including a song called “Mujer Moderna” by this kick ass San Antonio band called Fea as well as “Dream Number Nine” by a UK band called Big Joanie.

San Antonio band FEA

UK band Big Joanie

Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu: The Review 

From the book flap:

 MOXIE GIRLS FIGHT BACK!

Vivian Carter is fed up. Fed up with a school administration at her small-town Texas high school that thinks the football team can do no wrong. Fed up with sexist dress codes, hallway harassment, and gross comments from guys during class. But most of all, Viv Carter is fed up with always following the rules.

Viv’s mom was a tough-as-nails, punk rock Riot Grrrl in the ’90s, and now Viv takes a page from her mother’s past and creates a feminist zine that she distributes anonymously to her classmates. She’s just blowing off steam, but other girls respond. As Viv forges friendships with other young women across the divides of cliques and popularity rankings, she realizes that what she has started is nothing short of a girl revolution.

Moxie is a book about high school life that will make you wanna riot!

Overall: There are times when the problems of the world seem too big to handle. Climate change, racism, politics…Problems- so, so BIG. Me- SO, SO small! To stop myself from sliding into depression and retreating to my bedroom with a quart of gelato, I  remind myself that no problem, no matter the size, gets solved with inaction and even a small act creates momentum, the opposite of inertia. MOXIE is that reminder. Moxie proves that small acts can lead to BIG change. Alright ladies-go read this book, then go change the world!

Judge a Book by its Cover: Black, white, pink and pissed! The Moxie cover fits the book’s vibe perfectly.

Me Talk Pretty: Jennifer pretty much channeled me at 17 while writing Vivian. This quote especially sums up my high school experience.

Audiobook Narration:  Audiophiles, you’re in luck. Moxie will be available as an audiobook on September 19th and the reader is audiobook veteran  Suzy Johnson.

Kick-Ass Factor: The Kick-Ass factor for Moxie is high! Don’t get me wrong, this is not a book about a girl who suddenly finds out she’s got secret martial arts skills and starts challenging bullies in hand to hand combat. No, Moxie kicks ass in a way that is real, believable and accessible to anyone. Vivian just gets fed up with the misogynist status quo at school and she decides to do something about it. It’s not something that would be considered overly grand or reckless to everyone, but for meek Vivian, it’s huge. And from her one act of defiance, the Moxie movement is born.

Body Count: While this is not a book with a literal body count, there are definitely casualties.

The Chosen One: The plot of Moxie could have slipped into the cliché if not for the skillful writing of Jennifer Mathieu. Moxie is Vivian’s story, but this is not one girl against the world. There are other girls in this book who are fighting their own battles in their own ways.  Moxies girls fight back, but there are consequences.

Just. Why. One thing I couldn’t understand was Vivian’s love for frozen dinners. Please Vivian, stop with the Stouffer’s!

He Said/She Said: Moxie is told from the perspective of Vivian, a girl who does a lot to go unnoticed. She’s smart, but afraid to speak out in class. She clever, but doesn’t want to draw attention to herself. She’s got ideas, good ones, but she’s too scared to voice them. Vivian’s inner dialogue proves this girl has a voice, she just needs to learn to use it.

Bizarre Love Triangle: Jennifer introduces the sort of love triangle that is way more common in real life than the usual YA trope: The Platonic Love Triangle. It’s easy to feel pulled in two different directions when a new friend threatens to shake-up the friend equilibrium between you and your old school bestie. Especially when the new friend is a badass girl from the big city with all kinds of subversive ideas. Is there room in Viv’s life for old friends and new ideas?

Don’t Believe the Hype: When Amy Poehler endorses your book and wants to turn it into a movie, the bar is set pretty damn high.  And for me personally as a self proclaimed Riot Grrl, this particular bar was 20 feet above eye level. But Moxie is worth all the praise it’s receiving. ALL. OF. IT.

Open tab/Last call: Jennifer Mathieu proves that Moxie Girls can be both gentle and tough. This is why the perfect Moxie drink is Fortified Lemon- sweet and sour with a hidden kick! We’ll keep the punch bowl full for you, Jennifer!

Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu, Roaring Brook Press, 336 Pages, September 19, 2017

Ann-Eliza

First Reads Friday Presents: MOXIE by Jennifer Mathieu, Author Interview + Review MOXIE is more than just a book, it's a call to action! We talk all things Riot Grrl, music and our misspent youth with author Jennifer Mathieu.