#also lmk if i missed any canon nicknames.................. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chaithetics · 1 year ago

Text

Porcelain and the Shark: Sweet Jonathan

Pairing: Stewy Hosseini x f (Roy) reader

(reader has anxiety, no use of y/n, physical descriptions or other names but does have the nickname Porcelain/Porce - due to family viewing her that way not because of complexion)

Word count: 4.6K

Prompts: "at the birth of jonathan, and even though she’s been doing therapy after she has him she really just breaks down crying because she loves him sooooo much, already and he’s only been alive for minutes. And it’s kind of her letting go of feeling like it was her fault Caroline didn’t love her. like rationally she knows she couldn’t have done anything wrong that quick but now she kinda understands something was broken in her mother to discard her so quickly. also realizes how Logan must have contributed to that bc Stewy's support was incredibly important to her labourand she knows how logan is. And she quietly loves Jonathan and has Stewy embrace her and thank her for making their family grow." + "If possible, I wanted to know a little more about when Jonathan was born, I imagine that the new parents were so in love with their baby , but how was the reaction of the rest of the family to the new and highly desired baby?"

Chapter/content warning: 18+ MINORS DNI, established relationship, anxious reader, pregnancy, scenes post-childbirth (labour/delivery is not depicted), the feels, canonical Roy chaos and pain (lmk if I've missed any!)

Authors note: Thank you so much to these 2 Nonnies for sending these prompts in! I really appreciate it and adore you both so much! They're both such great prompts, I hope you like this piece, please do let me know! Also, I haven't gone through childbirth or anything like that so I tried to keep everything pretty vague. This hasn't been proofread and post 2K I really started to dislike this and worry that it's not good 😭 Please let me know your thoughts, comments, reblogs and asks are appreciated! I love hearing from you all. Also can you tell I absolutely HATE naming things?!

****************

You were on the floor in the nursery that was almost completely ready, it was just waiting for the future Hosseini to arrive. There was a bookshelf in here that was really just for aesthetics at this stage, you knew it would be impractical because it wasn’t realistic that an infant would be doing a lot of reading, there was also the chance of this being a hazard for the bundle of joy that would soon be the centre of the household. The bookshelf had been bolted into the wall though and the home itself had been ‘baby-proofed’ already.

But it was still nice you thought to have a bookshelf with all of the adorable children’s books you’d spent hours finding, reading about and then also rambling to Stewy about. You were now looking over the books again, organising them in the important system (one which you would never use for work) but what would be the highest priority to read and your favourites.

Stewy came into the nursery. He looked around the nursery again for a second, he did it each time he came in. Genuinely amazed at what his life had become over the last few years. You heard his footsteps, you pause mid-book organising to look up at him as he walks over and leans against the changing table, watching you turn your attention back to the shelf, he thinks about it and enjoys that there are great conversations and banter but also places for comfortable silence in your relationship. Something you do as well. He revels in that for a moment before asking. “Do you need a hand?”

“No, thank you.” Your response is quick, amusingly too quick to him.

“Are you sure baby?” He drags the syllables out as he smiles at you, finding the quickness of your response equally amusing and intriguing.

“Yes, honey. I have a system.” You respond and then you turn around and smirk at him seeing his grin widen more. “One that I can’t teach.”

“Oh?” He questions somewhat teasingly but still intrigued as he raises his eyebrows at you. You hum in response. “What? Dewey? Library of Congress?” Stewy asks with a teasing smile.

“No. But if I tell you it can’t get out.” You hum and his smile widens as he raises his eyebrows at you, waiting for you to continue. “”hat will be my favourites to read to them.” You confidently answer with your own growing smile.

“What a scandalous system.” Stewy laughs and nods, not too surprised at the revelation. His eyes scan around and he looks at the changing table and then finds a tub of something there piquing his interest.

“What’s this again?” He asks holding it out for you as you turn around to look at it.

“Diaper change cream.” You quickly answer smiling at your husband. “Think baby powder alternative for that area.”

“Right… And remind me again why we need an alternative to baby powder?” He questions as he studies it.

“Babies shouldn’t breathe in the powder particles and there are medical concerns and debate over talc.” You and Stewy had both done a lot of research and prep for this but it was stuff like this that you had read more on than him.

“Talc?” Stewy raises an eyebrow as he looks at the bottle of cream.

“Some research says it's carcinogenic. Talc’s the big player in baby powder ingredients, the culprit ingredient in those Johnson and Johnson lawsuits.” You finish off, knowing that that will ring a bell for him and it does as he quickly nods.

“It’s kind of sickening how good I’ll be at diaper changes.” He says in a deadly serious tone, you look over at him and can’t help but laugh. You’re in awe and humoured by the confidence of the handsome, cocky dork you married.

“Well with that confidence, I’m happy to leave that to you at 3 AM.” You quip back with a smirk, completely abandoning the books as you look at him.

“Shit at that time of morning, just a Saturday morning before my reformed domesticated ways.” He smirks at you and winks.

“Sure Stewy, sure. What was it that Roman said about your lifestyle…?” His eyebrows raise as he exhales, shaking his head but your grin just grows.

“Roman misquoted me-”

“Uh-huh. Of course, he did, you certainly didn’t happen to make the mistake of not just talking about but talking to my siblings about the-.” You smugly say before he cuts you off.

“Well even though he’s a loose cannon, you know it means you don’t ever need to worry about Roman’s career prospects. The narc will always have the pathway option of a police informant.” Stewy retorts, somewhat proud of himself for thinking of that on the spot despite the fact he’d thought it about a dozen times since that conversation with Roman and Kendall had gotten back to you.

“You were down bad, years before becoming a reformed married, soon-to-be family man.” You quickly respond.

It’s true and you both know it. He was bad for it and you imagine if things hadn’t been so complicated with your family you’d have been married a lot earlier than what had happened in this universe. You wondered what that would’ve been like.

“What is baby powder meant to do anyways? Is it like powdered baby cologne?” He quickly questions. It might sound like an intentional conversation change to the ears of others but his short attention span prompts it and you know that.

The question’s been triggered by his attention going back to the cream in his hands, you watch his eyes scan over the label curiously for any and all information. He then looks up from the product and his doe eyes that you’re in love with bore into yours. He looks so handsome like this, the softer night lighting just illuminates it. You’re so in love with him. You smirk to yourself briefly before responding as his smile grows.

“It’s meant to scare away the boogeyman.” You reply nonchalantly.

“Babe, your dad doesn’t live here. I think we’re good.” He says it with his eyebrows raised and a signature Stewy Hosseini teasing smile on his face.

You chuckle at that and roll your eyes as he places the cream down and walks over to kiss you as you then feel a small popping sensation.

********************

You felt warm, covered in sweat which plastered your hair to your face and neck. You’d had a firm grip on Stewy’s hand for hours now. Stewy was stroking your arm softly with his free hand as he pressed a delicate kiss to the top of your head as you both watched the nurse bring Jonathan over.

He’d fortunately been declared a healthy baby boy by the doctor and you smiled at that, your hand was still in Stewy’s but your grip relaxed a little as the worry in your body left at that, you’d been somewhat anxious as Jonathan was 2 weeks early but the doctors and nurses had assured you that was normal, you knew it was right but even with therapy, an anxious brain still doesn’t always accept logic.

“What a good set of lungs he has.” The nurse says with a smile as she places the still crying infant into your slightly shaky arms.

Your body shakes a little for a couple more seconds, you suppose that it’s a combination of the exhaustion from labour and the nerves of that whole process and now meeting your sweet boy. You feel your nerves stabilise after a few seconds, as you watch him, it must be part of that maternal instinct. He’s pressed into you and he’s so small and delicate in your arms, you can’t help but smile largely as you watch him.

“Hey, hey, hello sweetie, you’re so perfect.” You coo at him as you smile widely, he then finishes crying and you giggle a little at that.

“He really is.” Stewy says with a small chuckle as he looks down at the sweet little baby you created together and he then presses a gentle kiss to the top of your forehead.

Jonathan’s eyes open at the sound of his parents voices above him and he looks up at you. You can’t help but feel stunned and in awe of how your sweet little boy is looking at you with the same big brown eyes as Stewy and he appears to have the same dark locks as his father as well. He looks at you and returns the smile you’re directing at him which makes both yours and Stewy’s hearts explode. The love and awe you’re in over Jonathan is so encompassing, that nothing else matters and nothing could take away or ruin the joy of Jonathan’s existence.

Jonathan’s large, curious brown eyes flicker around the surroundings and its clear that his gaze is happier when it focuses on you and Stewy, especially when hearing your voices as you gently coo at him. It’s only a couple of minutes of the three of you being in this bubble, pretty oblivious to everything going on outside until Jonathan’s fallen into a peaceful slumber.

You bring him up slightly to kiss his head softly and quietly chuckle at how peaceful he looks. You’re amazed at him. Stewy wipes his eyes, being equally filled with adoration as he moves his hand from your arm for a moment to perch himself on the side of the bed next to you and press another kiss to your forehead as he stroke’s Jonathan’s little cheek.

In Jonathan’s slumber his hand raises a little and Stewy moves his hand towards it and Jonathan’s small fingers instinctively wrap around one of Stewy’s fingers. It’s such a beautiful sight and it’s amazing how small Jonathan is and how his hand doesn’t even cover all of just one of Stewy’s fingers.

It’s a pure domestic sight.

Love is coursing through each fibre of your being for your husband next to you and your newborn son in your arms. It’s such a sweet moment, the whole experience had been honestly. You tilt your head to look at Stewy for a moment, one hand of his gently placed on your arm and the other still there and while Jonathan has his fingers wrapped around Stewy you know that Stewy’s the one wrapped around his finger already.

Nobody could understand your parents. You never understood your parents. A confusing phenomenon as you’d gotten older but you really don’t get them right now, in this moment. Jonathan’s only minutes old and you’re so in love, he’s perfect, he’s done nothing wrong and even if he had done something wrong- he’s just a child, deserving of love.

You and your siblings had always been made to believe that there was something wrong with you, raised to be poisoned instead of loved so that as adults you’d believe dysfunction was where you thrived. Caroline and Logan had set you all up to fail from the start. You’d always felt like that it was your fault that Caroline had never loved you, maybe she did in a twisted, absent way you supposed but she’d never loved you how a mother was supposed to love and protect their child. You wondered how she could feel that way about you and your siblings when you felt nothing but love for your child. How she felt was on her, it had nothing to do with you. You were a child and a child that deserved better.

Tears start to burn your eyes and you try to blink them away quickly, willing yourself not to cry. This realisation and the tenderness and love that Stewy already had and had no problem showing for the baby you shared was starting to hit pretty hard. You knew he was a better man than your father, you’d promised yourself you would never marry anyone who reminded you of Logan Roy, let alone continue that cycle. But it was such a stark contrast seeing Stewy this way, so in love with Jonathan and so supportive to you compared to how your father had been with you or any of your siblings and the relationship he had with Caroline.

The tears stream down your cheeks and you begin to cry, it’s all a lot to process and you know the environment, medications and hormones are probably heightening everything. You try to hold back on it but you end up choking on your sobs until it all comes out. You’re still securely holding onto Jonathan as your body shakes with your crying, you can feel the warm tears plastering themselves onto your cheeks like cement.

“Hey, hey baby. What’s wrong?” Stewy asks as he wraps his arms around you, pressing you against him while making sure you and Jonathan are both secure and physically comfortable. His voice is gentle but laced with concern and you can feel that in his comforting body.

“He’s just so perfect-” You say in between sobs, trying to regulate your breathing but it’s not doing much. “I just love him so much already and- and well, I just don’t get it. How a mother couldn’t…” You say as you continue to cry.

Stewy knows exactly what you mean, ever since he first befriended Kendall Roy he’s known that there was something extremely wrong with Logan Roy and Caroline Collingwood. He knew you weren’t like them and he was glad that you were able to accept that your childhood and those relationships weren’t your fault. For your love of your son to prove that.

He continued to hold you while you cried, placing gentle kisses all over your head and whispering to you. “I love you so much, you’re already an incredible mom. You are good. You didn’t deserve any of that. Him and I both love you so much already.” He lifts one hand up to stroke your cheek as he looks down at Jonathan who is still sleeping then looks back into your eyes. “He was so happy when he saw your face and heard your voice.” He laughs a little at that with a sweet, soft expression on his face. You nod a little, biting your lip as a small laugh comes out as your tears slow down.

“I love you.” You say to Stewy softly as your breathing evens out a bit more now.

“I love you more.” Stewy says softly, he presses a gentle kiss to your lips. “Thank you. You’ve made our family grow, literally. You’re perfect, and he’s perfect just like you.” Stewy says pressing a kiss to your forehead. You’ve stopped crying now and you lean a little more into Stewy as you both watch Jonathan sleep until a nurse eventually puts him into the nearby cot, insisting that you and Stewy both need your sleep.

***************************

“Hey, hey baby…” Connor says softly as he walks in to your room with a gentle smile. He has a small gift bag of something in one of his hands and a large bouquet of flowers in the other.

“Con?”

“Hey. I hope it’s not too early, I just needed to see how you were ASAP.” He says and chuckles anxiously a little. You can’t help but smile in return at him, it was early but you couldn’t be upset about it Connor was easy to be around and a gift of a sibling. But you knew that if it was a regular hospital he would’ve been escorted away for it not being visiting hours yet.

“It’s fine… I’m glad you’re here Con.” You say tiredly, his smile grows a little at that and his shoulders relax. You’d never been to him but he had been worried about intruding, he’d spent his whole life feeling like an intrusion to a private conversation at a party that he wasn’t invited to but everybody else was.

“How are you doing?” He asks.

“I’m okay… tired.” You respond with a smile and a small tired laugh looking over briefly at your husband who is still somewhat peacefully sleeping. As peacefully as you can in a hospital with a literal newborn.

“Yeah, I can only imagine…” Connor says as he comes over. “Wow, so that’s the little fella?”

You nod with a large smile as you look over at Jonathan sleeping. Connor’s face lightens up even more as he looks at Jonathan. He quietly coos at the little boy and that melts your heart a bit more. Connor had always been more of a father to you than Logan had ever been. It made sense that he’d be the first of your family to visit, unsurprisingly but unknown to you Connor had essentially been camping out to visit as soon as Stewy had texted him that your water had broken.

“Do you want to hold him?” You asked. Connor looked over at you somewhat surprised.

“Are you sure?” You chuckled a little at that.

“Of course. You had plenty of experience with all of us. An experienced natural.” He smiled at that and carefully lifted Jonathan up into his arms, supporting his small body as he swayed a little with him.

“He’s adorable.” Connor said softly, he was speaking to you but his gaze was focused on Jonathan. He was absolutely smitten by his nephew and he knew he’d spend the rest of his life doting on the little boy. “Still Jonathan?” He asked.

“Yeah, we decided to stick with it. He’s barely a day old but I think it suits.” You answer with a content hum. Connor nods at that smiling widely.

It’s not long after that that another visitor waltzs in, lacking any sense of noise control and quickly waking up Stewy from his slumber next to you.

“What up motherfuckers! I hear the newest edition has arrived?” Roman says with a smirk as he comes into the room. Connor shushes him, and Stewy’s eyes open and he shoots Roman a glare.

“Roman!” You say quietly but pointedly, as Jonathan stirs in Connor’s arms. Connor starts to sway again and coo at Jonathan but Stewy quickly puts his arms out to hold his son. Connor gently places Jonathan in Stewy’s arms and that settles him a little bit.

Roman’s eyes have widened at the scene of seeing his nephew. He quickly walks over closer to the bed to look down at Jonathan as Connor takes a seat. Roman’s expression screws up for a moment and you look up at him confused.

“Oh shit Porce…” Roman says and your head instantly snaps to look at Jonathan, his colour hasn’t changed, he doesn’t look like he’s in discomfort or anything but Roman’s ominous statement has unnerved you.

“What is it Rome…?” You ask desperately.

“When the fuck did you have the affair?” Roman boldly questions.

“What?!” You question in shock as Stewy tiredly rolls his eyes at Roman’s dramatics.

“I thought- I thought he was mine?! He looks NOTHING like me! He looks like him!” Roman says as he points at Stewy.

“Oh my God, Rome. Stop!” You say with a sigh not being in the mood for this.

“Jesus Christ, yeah, I know of people in the Bible too! But well, I think after a few years I might be able to love him like he’s my own anyway.” Roman says. Stewy’s gaze lands on Roman and Roman giggles a little as Stewy is visibly unimpressed.

“Didn’t we have the conversation about how problematic and inappropriate that is a multitude of times during the pregnancy Rome?” Stewy asks.

“Yeah but that was the pregnancy. Porce isn’t pregnant currently.” Roman retorts and you scoff at that. He comes over to give you a somewhat awkward side hug, he treats you like you’re a human made of the porcelain of your infamous moniker as he’s weary of the pain and state your body would be in after labour. He gives your cheek a quick kiss and you squeeze his hand as he steps back.

Roman’s face softens a little as he looks at Jonathan, he’ll admit that the baby is cutte. He kind of wants to hold him but he’s a bit scared to do that right now with how tiny he looks. Currently Jonathan looks more fragile to him than what you do.

***************************************

Roman hadn’t stayed for much longer, hospitals unnerved him a little and that room had quickly felt a bit too claustrophobic for him with the lack of dysfunction. Connor stayed for a while but to give you all a nap and another try at feeding. He promised to stop by again and constantly reiterated that he was just a phone call or text away.

You were so in love with and in absolute awe of your little boy. It was so encompassing. You were’t even anxious about your father visiting. You hadn’t thought of your father yet but there was nothing that Logan could say or do that would take away or ruin the joy of the existence of Jonathan.

Kendall had sent a congratulatory text to Stewy, along with that Rava, Sophie and Iverson were looking forward to meeting him and that Rava had already organised flowers and a gift basket which had arrived not much longer after the text had been sent. Kendall hadn’t wanted to bombard you, which was something that Rava had highlighted, you and Stewy both knew that was a sentiment that came more from Rava and the truth was that Kendall rarely made the time of day for his own children, so he wouldn’t do that for your own child.

You weren’t too bothered by that, you didn’t imagine much could bother you when there was so much joy because of your little family. It was thoughtful of Rava and at least thoughtful in words from Kendall, you knew that Kendall loved you in his own unique way. He just had difficulty functioning outside of being the perfect cog in his father’s machine.

You were yet to hear anything from Shiv yet, but again, that didn’t completely surprise you.

“Hey honey, Marcia just texted that they’re coming.” Stewy says breaking you out of your thoughts. You nod and place a kiss to his temple and he yawns as he sits back up, placing his phone back into his pocket as he rubs his face tiredly. You snuggle up into his side, trying to get comfortable as you watch Jonathan sleep in the hospital cot. You still feel tired even after your nap but you can’t help but smile when looking at that small human.

Stewy kisses the top of your head and then gets up to gently pick Jonathan up from the cot. Stewy’s often gentle with you but it’s so different seeing him that way with a tiny human, the tiny human that’s yours and his. Stewy supports his small body and smiles while looking down at Jonathan, his smile grows as Jonathan still seems at peace while in his father’s literal supportive arms.

You smile warmly at the sight, feeling warm and cosy inside. You’re in such awe with Jonathan that you don’t even feel anxious about your father coming because frankly there isn’t anything he could say or do to take away from the perfect bundle of joy snuggled into your husbands arms.

After about half an hour your father walks in with Marcia by his side as usual, you give them both a small smile as your gaze briefly flickers away from Jonathan in Stewy’s arms. Marcia comes over and quickly asks how you are, giving you a kiss on the cheek and warmly squeezing your hand.

“So?” Your father quickly asks looking at the infant and Marcia gives him a pointed look.

“This is Jonathan Hosseini.” Stewy says softly, as he rocks Jonathan gently not looking at either Marcia or Logan. Marcia smiles at that slightly.

“Can I hold him?” Logan asks quickly. You feel Stewy tense a little at that, such a contrast to the ridiculously relaxed in stressful situations type of person that Stewy normally is. You look up at your father, his expression appears genuine but it takes you aback. You didn’t recall your father actually making an appearance like this to the hospital at Iverson’s birth let alone having an interest in either of his grandchildren from Kendall.

“Do you want to sit down to do that? You can better support him that way.” You say rather meekly, he rolls his eyes a little at that but complies. Sitting down and Stewy carefully places Jonathan in his arms, staying nearby and Marcia smiles at the scene.

“He looks a lot like like Stewy.” Logan says while holding the small boy.

He had his father’s eyes, hair, face shape and nose. The shape of his mouth was the same as yours though, something Stewy had immediately pointed out not long into Jonathan’s existence. It was really the only physical feature of yours that you could see in your son, it genuinely amazed you how Jonathan was barely out of the womb but was already a spitting image of his father.

“Yeah, we were kind of hoping for that.” You say quietly while looking at your precious bundle of joy. Your father looks up at you with confusion etched onto his face as he looks at you waiting for clarification on why you’d want something he finds to be so dreadful. You clear your throat and continue, trying to suppress a small laugh at the mild disgust on his face.“Roman had been telling people it was his.”

Your father sighs at that, visibly unimpressed and the mild disgust turns to a glimpse of disappointed horror. It almost hurts to see him looking like that while holding your newborn son but you know that it’s aimed at your non-present brother and not at you.

“He needs help…” Logan says as he looks down at Jonatah. “Jonathan has your mouth though Porce.” He says and that seems to bring a small smile to his face. “Well he’s blood so that’s good.” You don’t say anything to that, you’re not sure how to respond but it certainly throws you off and Stewy senses that.

It’s not long before Marcia has a turn holding Jonathan, you feel more comfortable with him in her arms than your fathers. But your father has his gaze locked on Jonathan the whole time and an interest in him that he never seemed to have in you or your siblings which surprises and unnerves you a little.

You’re not sure how long as time moves so bizarrely in hospital but after at least a few more minutes of this, Marcia places Jonathan into your arms, they decide it’s now best to leave as Jonathan is in need of a feeding.

“You did good, Porce.” Your father says somewhat softly, maybe the softest you’ve ever heard him speak as he comes over to press a kiss to the top of your head.

“Thanks dad.” You speak the words hesitantly, unsure of the hidden meaning behind the odd praise from your father.

“Thank you Porce.” He says and again, the not so hidden meaning in those words unnerves you a bit.

You watch him as him and Marcia leave. Then your attention swiftly turns back to your sweet little boy.

“He’s so precious.” You say to Stewy as you hold him. Stewy laughs a little and nods, giving you a sweet kiss on the lips.

145 notes · View notes

fluffypotatey · 2 years ago

Text

Silly/Dumb Things that Make Me Irrationally Angry

disclaimer: the key words here are “silly” & “dumb”

The “Narnia Kids are the Founders of Hogwarts” theory

The “it was all a dream” theory

Thinking protagonist = hero

When fandom villainizes a character simply because they’re “in the way of a ship”

Character in relationship starts pursuing a different character (typically the MC) but doesn’t break up with the character they’re currently dating?????

Speed running enemies to lovers trope (that’s a trope for slow burns wtf are you doing put it down!)

Calling Disney’s Beauty & The Beast a story about Stockholm Syndrome

Calling any diverse media “woke” to undermine it

Misunderstanding how tags work on ao3 (particularly the / and & for pairings)

Misunderstanding the purpose of tags on ao3

Calling Lucy Heartfilia weak

Forgetting that Dick Grayson was a mathlete

Basing all of Jason Todd’s personality on his anger and ruthlessness

Misunderstanding Jason Todd’s anger

The DCEU butchering my boy Batsy

The “I was accidentally eavesdropping and left believing they were talking shit about me but turns out I missed the most important bits” trope

Being a military historian who loves the Civil War (I don’t trust you)

Using the word “females” to sound smarter (you just sound dumb also “women” is right there)

Spring Break being colder than usual (IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF MARCH IN TEXAS WHY WAS I SHIVERING)

Calling me by a nickname that I already refused to (you gotta earn that shit)

Ep 2.08 is never really touched on again after it’s “resolved”

vld’s lost potential (while i have made my peace, i will still bare my scars)

text blocks in fics

dialogue with no quotation marks

“Oh lookie, we got this wonderful fantastical world (that takes some inspiration from history) with it’s own politics and world building BUT we keep the sexism and racial prejudice bc the inspiration we pulled was medieval times :)” <- i will fight you for sport

mistaking rivals to lovers for enemies to lovers (similar flavor just R to L is slightly tamer. can they blend? yes, but they are not the same thing)

the blatant disregard for internet safety on tiktok (why tf would you announce your age, show your face, and air out your dirty laundry to everyone??? where is your caution? this is not vine, lil beans, y’all are stressing me out. did you miss the pbs episode about the dino agents and stranger danger??? or the fever dream computer game our 1st grade class had to play at school???)

if you have the sniffles, for the love of all things holy, please stand up and get a tissue. no one cares if you get up. i honestly prefer hearing you blow out your nose than hearing you suck up snot every 5 minutes.

taking the backstories told by Macaque and Azure about the Monkey King in lmk at face value (biased narratives are a thing! unreliable narrators are a thing! i will give the biggest sigh if Sun Wukong is placed as the sole character at fault in another fic i read with this)

“redemption” arcs

“sympathetic” villains

missing the fucking point about why Batman chooses mercy and rehabilitation over baseless violence (this also coincides with my issue with how some people view Jason as the Punisher 2.0 bc it suffers through the same fucking glorification of justifying apathy of human life and rejection of 2nd chances)

missing the fucking point about what makes Superman super (here’s a hint: it’s not his fucking power)

the fact that i missed most of Vine’s peak bc i wasn’t allowed a phone until middle school

i lost my post canon script of Cinderella in the prince’s POV that i wrote in 6th grade (rip, i should have created a personal gmail so much sooner, i could have saved you T^T)

understanding a motive does not equal justifying or excusing said motive. you just now understand why a person did what they did. maybe you find justification in it, maybe not, but it’s not absolute!

#i'm bored. it's late. i've been building this list mentally for some time #take this as the dumb hills i would die on #i cannot (in good conscience) voice why these are my hills i die on bc we' be here for years #anyway #i thought it'd be fun to share the silly hills i am heavily opinionated on #shitpost #long post #list #dumb hills to die on #again: key word here is 'silly' and 'dumb'#also some of these hills are old-old #as in 'i have been heavily opinionated about these subjects since i was 9'#some of these are new or just resurface things i thought i made peace with #but yeah #post was made to make fun of my ill-tempered opinionated self #obviously if you disagree with me about anything that's fine.#it's a me problem for a reason

5 notes · View notes

pariahsparadise · 3 years ago

Text

time for a barbie-cue

masterlist

word count: 1k

pairings: fred weasley x gn!reader

author’s note: welcome to my third fic on tumblr! I can’t write good smut, fluff makes me want to poke my eyes out, so you get angst. unedited/not proofread bc i hate reading my own stuff. english isn’t my first language, so bear with me. This is also kinda fast-paced, sorry. lmk if the reader isn't gender neutral at any point.

warnings: non-canon plot (obviously), swearing, reader kinda explodes on fred? Idk i hate it when people make the reader cry because there’s no way that i’d ever let a man see me cry, so you get mean!reader instead.

prompts: “This will be the last time you lie to me”, “You know it’s not like that”. Both are in bold.

“You need to break up with him.”

You started, nearly dropping your roll on the floor, “What? What are you talking about?”

The tall Quidditch captain stared you down, her black hair bouncing around her face beautifully. “You heard me,” said Angelina Johnson, seemingly unphased by what she was proposing as she snatched an apple from Katie Bell, ignoring the indignant “Hey!” that came from the Chaser. Taking a bite from the fruit, she went on, “You know exactly what he’s doing. He’s missed, what, five dates now?”

You blanched, not quite ready to come into terms with reality yet, “That’s just because he’s been busy with the joke shop, you know how important it is to him-”

“I didn’t know that Chloé went by the name ‘Joke Shop’,” interjected Katie, diving across the table to snatch her apple back from Angelina. The taller girl shot her a glare, easily manoeuvring the fruit out of her reach, and turned back to you with a sigh, “While I hate to admit it, and I definitely would’ve put it in a nicer way, Katie’s right. Fred’s been following that Beauxbatons girl for a month now like a little puppy. You really do deserve better than that.”

You shook your head, her words already churning into white noise in your head. “Sorry, but Fred would never cheat on me. And screw you for even insinuating that, I thought you wanted the best for me!” you said, your anger blurring your touch with reality.

“I do! It’s why I’m saying this-”

“You’re just trying to get in between my relationship! I knew you’d never gotten over your little crush on Fred. Piss off, Angelina,” you snarled, pushing yourself up from the table, striding out of the hall swiftly.

Later that evening, you stood outside the Gryffindor entrance, waiting for Fred to show up. The sympathetic glances from the Fat Lady did nothing to help your sour mood, and you found yourself resisting the urge to claw the painting to shreds when she started singing a mournful song about her past lovers.

She had just begun a particularly depressing verse when you heard a familiar laugh from around the corner. Recognising it as your boyfriend’s, you started towards the source of the sound, determined to salvage your relationship. You stopped the second you rounded the corner, freezing up at the sight of your boyfriend’s arm loosely strewn around the blonde girl’s shoulder.

His head was thrown back in a genuine laugh, brightening up the dim corridor as it bounced around the hall, his eyes shining brighter than the stars. You couldn’t remember the last time you had made him laugh like that, and the sick feeling that had been building up over the last weeks hit you with full intensity.

Chloe was the one who saw you first, her eyes immediately widening in- guilt? Fear? Pity? You couldn’t tell, you couldn’t breathe. You watched as she slipped out of Fred’s hold, and it was only then that he saw you. His hands, which were reaching out for Chloe, immediately dropped to his sides, and he looked at you uneasily.

“Hi,” he said, obviously unsure of himself. When did we get this awkward?, you thought, swallowing hard before you said back, “Hello, Fred.”

The absence of his usual nickname made him visibly wince, and his eyes fluttered to Chloe’s for help. An irrational feeling of anger stabbed through you, and you turned to Chloe, pleased to find that your voice sounded harsher than you had intended for it too. “I’m sorry, could you leave us for a second? I think my boyfriend finds your presence distracting.”

Noting the pair's gobsmacked expressions with some satisfaction, you gave the blonde a fake smile as you twiddled your fingers at her, making sure that she was out of earshot before turning back to Fred.

“The fuck was that for?” he blurted, cheeks going redder than his hair, “You had no right- you know it’s not like that with the two of us-”

“Actually, you have no fucking right to be mad at me right now! And lately, it seems like I don’t know anything about you Fred, considering you’ve been at her heels for the last month!” you practically spat, feeling all of the rage that you had bottled up for the past weeks pour out of you in one fiery meltdown.

“You’ve stood me up five times in a row, ditching me every single time to hang out with Barbie here, it’s like you don’t even care about me anymore!” you continued, hands coming up to rake through your hair.

“What was I supposed to do? You’re a total bitch to her, there’s no way I could hang out with both of you together!” he said frustratedly, pacing up and down the corridor.

You nearly screamed, was he really comparing his girlfriend to a girl that he had known for less than a month? “Who cares if you couldn’t hang out with us together? I’m not even talking about that! You haven’t been putting any effort into this relationship recently, it feels like I’m trying to date a wall sometimes. Although a fucking layer of bricks might make a better boyfriend than you, at least I’d be able to depend on it!”

“Chloe might make a better girlfriend than you, at least she isn’t such a bitch all the time!” exclaimed Fred. When his words finally caught up to his brain, he immediately turned to look at you. He saw your face buried in your hands and felt a brief stab of regret, his mouth falling open in an apology, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

You lifted your head after what seemed like ages to him, and he was taken aback when a steel gaze, hard as stone emerged, contrary to the tear-streaked face he had imagined. “Actually, you did,” you said coolly, your voice sending a shock of fear through his body- was there a part of you that had always been this frightening?- “This will be the last time you lie to me, Weasley. We’re done. I wish you a great fucking life,” you said, turning on your heels and striding away, leaving Fred staring at you, open-mouthed, not knowing what to do.

part 2 is up now!

453 notes · View notes

danganronpedits-archived · 4 years ago

Note

hellooo! i hope it’s ok if i ask for a kin matchup! any media is aaaa ok! :DD! uhhh i dunno if dis helps AT ALL but i’m an estp and a 7w6!! i get excited SUPER easily and i rlly like to use words like dis dat and doe when i talk to people cuz it makes me feel more casual!! i get distracted rlly easily toooo and i sometimes stretch out my words n stuff out of habit!! HOWEEVERR i do get scared quite easily and i tend to stay away from most things scaryyy!! please lmk if you want nethn else abt me!

you can absolutely get a matchup, anon!! this one was really fun to write, since you seem really, really cool, anon!!! i can feel your energy seeping into me even as i read this ask,,, weh your friends are lucky to have you ^^;;;.. let’s get started aa !!

first off, from danganronpa, i match you with...

ibuki mioda!

you may have seen this one coming ,, but you’re ibuki in the irl. in general, the energy i got from your ask is very similar to her- both if you seem very upbeat and not afraid to be hyper! in fact, you were called hyper anon in my drafts before posting this~.. she gets excited very easily, as shown with all of her (jokingly, sometimes)flirting, but she’s extremely passionate about music, and voices her affection towards other people very openly. i think that this can also be part of the ESTP personality type, as they can remark things about others that occasionally come off as insensitive- it’s not that she or you isn’t considerate of others, it’s just that it’s something that you just find as useful to say. this could range from seeing it as meaningful, to just being so excited and interested by it that it has to come out. correct me if i’m wrong though agagsjd,,, i think that she would use... not exactly slang, but casual language like dis, etc. (The mood's totally set to like, "OH NOES!" right now, y'know?”) and also stretches out her words commonly !! (“Goooood nom-nom-nommiing!” “Looks like today's gonna be another perfect tropical daaaaaay!”) i’d say that she does make an effort to be friendly and casual with everyone else, as while she is a bit overwhelming in presence, through her free time events she wants someone that she can truly connect with. her greatest desire is someone that she can play music with, who she trusts as much as they trust her- point is, she wants someone that she can have a deep, platonic or otherwise, relationship with. like earlier, this can also be related to the 7w6 enneagram- as they ultimately have a large fear of missing out.

ibuki and you definitely have short attention spans in common, as she’ll even write memos to make sure she remembers things, as she’s said herself. she also goes off on tangents in the middle of discussions, which, adhd solidarity, but even hajime remarks that, “There's no way [he] can keep up with what she's saying...” she also does get scared, or at least unnerved, rather easily! whenever nagito is... you know, nagito, she remarks that he’s a creep, and that he seems like the type who... well, was violent towards animals as a child, to not make it graphic. the two tend to not talk, probably part of her trying to avoid his creepiness factor. in terms of your enneagram and mbti type, i’d say that you and ibuki share a lot of traits there too! ibuki can definitely be sensitive, or perceptive, of others’ feelings, as unlike others’ free time events where the focus is their character arc, a lot of ibuki’s are spent with her trying to help hajime. plus, a big thing in both the 7w6 and estp types is wanting variety, hands-on work, and not having to stick to one schedule. ibuki is definitely this type of person. she holds the title of ultimate musician for a reason, and has experimented with at least two genres of music (pop and metal), as well as writing her own lyrics, making her own costumes, and she can play at least three instruments(bass, guitar, drums). she definitely has made variety for herself, just the way an estp likes it.

second off, from bang dream, i match you with...

toyama kasumi!

though ako udagawa is a close second! like ibuki, you and kasumi are both very energetic, in a way that definitely rubs off on people- i don’t know you personally, but just reading your ask puts me in a better mood. i’d say that your energy is part of why i’m so motivated to get this done... it’s kind of like, reading your ask, i feel like i can do anything! and that’s the kind of energy that kasumi puts out- with her band, and even just making other friends, her natural charisma(that i’m certain you have) causes her to inspire the people around her... even if by mistake. from rin, to arisa, to saya, everyone in her band and even the people outside of it are inspired to try harder(see arisa’s arc of being more social despite her shyness) and even grow as people(see rin’s arc of stepping out onto glitter*green’s stage when they show up late, and saya’s arc of expanding beyond her family) due to her influence. i feel like you can maybe relate to this if you take a step back, your energy and pep are absolutely contagious!! and i’m sure many other people would agree. she gets excited very easily, and always tries to see the fun in everything- at the very mention of her town’s festival, she loses sleep over it, and when it comes to the “sparkling and heart pounding” feelings she gets over stars and music, she actively pursues that thrill. once again, as an ESTP, i think you can relate to seeking out that specific kind of pleasure- it’s stimulating in a way i think you really adore!! she literally follows stickers on the sidewalk because they have stars on them, and wants to see more, and decides to start a band when she sees the random star guitar. even if arisa “doesn’t” want her to, she’s so excited that she barrels through any trials or tribulations.

the two of you also get distracted rather easily- as an example, kasumi, in the main story, essentially has a school assignment where she’s supposed to make a case. ambitiously deciding to make one for her guitar, she then proceeds to get distracted from the assignment and taking a few more days than needed... because she was practicing said guitar. i wouldn’t be surprised if something like this happens to you every now and then, where you get an idea, but something newer and fresher rises up! kasumi also forgets things very easily- for example, in the special episode “origami fun,” arisa tells her how to make a paper crane... and she forgets all but the first step quickly after. i think that you could also relate to that, it’s not that you’re trying to be insensitive or ignoring them, but your mind is just so all over the place that it’s hard to keep one thought nailed down. she definitely uses more eccentric language, ie giving all of her friends nicknames, as well as some quotes like, “sparkling and heart pounding”, “it’s like whoa!”, “nom and nom and nom...” etc. i don’t really remember any times where she stretches out her words, but she kind of... has that vibe. i expected her to, and went digging for quotes... it was surprising to not find any. she also can get scared rather easily, though!! see the band girls of the dead story for this one, kasumi is noticeably disturbed at the mention of a horror movie, and strongly dislikes any kind of horror.

and lastly, from c/rpse party, i match you with...

seiko shinohara!

first off, i think both you and seiko are very well meaning, energetic people!! the way i feel reading seiko’s dialogue is very similar to how i felt reading your ask, contagious energy like i’ve said before and like... nothing can really go wrong! both of you just have very comforting presences. she’s very peppy and gets excited rather easily, especially when it comes to naomi. she’s a positive and upbeat person who tends to find the good in everything, trying to keep her and others’ spirits up whenever her friend group is sent to heavenly host. she canonically uses phrases like dis, dat, and doe(dat ass/booty, to be specific), and tries very hard to be casual-like with others! while her smiley-ness is a bit more of a facade in seiko’s case, she does try very hard to be that kind of casual that you can describe, once again, even when the main kids are sent to heavenly host, and she’s just as terrified as everyone else. this may come off as her being insensitive or “creepy,” as naomi says, but in reality, i think both of you would try to stay strong if you really couldn’t get out of a situation like that. especially if there was someone you were trying to stay strong for- maybe part of it would be the pressure of usually being the moodmaker, but i think a lot of it is that you’re just trying to keep people happy, including yourself. after all, if you tend to try and fun the fun/good in everything around you by default, your natural response is to do the same in a bad situation... whether it’s a coping mechanism or just habit. she can also overstep boundaries at times, but she has such a good presence that people tend to just see her as... her. she’s typically the one initiating conversation with other people, which i think is part of the ESTP’s natural charisma and friend-making skills !! she’s a general moodmaker in friend groups, you know? i think you can relate to that, with how enthusiastic you seem. plus, in the introduction sequence, seiko is sitting on a desk, whereas everyone else is standing around properly. just a little detail that imo says a lot!

seiko can get distracted easily, as there aren’t too many examples, but whenever she first gets her part of the sachiko charm she says “I'll have to be extra careful not to lose my piece!“ ...the opposite happens. i don’t blame her, though,, she’s also described to not be the most responsible student(as in she has fallen asleep in class at least ones, thanks book of shadows.. and while it may not be exactly applicable to you, naomi’s... physique, tends to draw her eyes. does drag out her words every now and then (specifically man?) “Maaan, we’ve been had!” “Maaan... So close, and yet so far!” “Na-o-miii...” and so on. she can also get scared rather easily, as both ayumi’s ghost stories and heavenly host visibly scare her. the latter is much more understandable, but it still shows that she loses her nerve rather easily, despite her cheery exterior. also, relating to 7w6 types, a common thing they do is justify others’ actions to avoid being upset themselves. seiko also does this whenever naomi ends up pushing her away, saying that she was just scared. of course, she was, but this is an explanation born out of seiko trying to get rid of any frustration with naomi that might grow. maybe you’ve had an experience like that, where you tell yourself that there has to be a reason that the other person did “that”, whatever your that was.

you all know what time it is! from pokemon reborn, i also match you with julia, and from my little pony, you also very strongly remind me of pinkie pie! from danganronpa, you also remind me somewhat of akane owari, tenko chabashira, and slightly of junko enoshima and aoi asahina! from bang dream, you also very strongly remind me of ako udagawa and koroko tsurumaki, as well as somewhat of kaoru seta!

hope that’s alright anon!!! thanks so much for requesting, i really enjoyed writing this!! you gave plenty of info, so don’t worry!! :”) hope this didn’t bounce around too much for you!

-mod tsu

#corpse party tw #kin matchup #haha... i hope 'pokemon reborn' isn't too obscure of a source #it's a fangame as you may be able to tell..#and there's a lot of dark stuff in it. stay safe and all #but i've been playing it recently and i'm really excited to continue it #it's really itneresting whenever people tell me their mbti types and enneagrams because!! then i get to research them!!#fun fact kokoro actually came to my mind first isntead of kasumi #so i walked around in circles for a while and then after a bit of googling i went OMG KASUMI #i'm sorry for so many tags but.. haha.#it was a bad idea for me to research c/rpse party for seiko's description at night .. now im paranoid haha #ask #request finished #anon

4 notes · View notes