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froppygirl · 3 years ago

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The Asshole on the Train

A/N: Had to write a fic with Levi as a lawyer because work has ruined me lmao. I tried to keep the legal jargon to a minimum! Enough to make it realistic but not so much that you don't know what's going on. But I'm also kinda obsessed with the public transit meet cute rn so I had to throw that in there too!!

Pairing: Lawyer!Levi x Fem!Reader

Summary: You're a legal assistant at one of the best firms in the city. Your assigned to a big case where you are co-counsel with another firm. When you meet the lawyer from the other firm, you realize you've met already. Many times in fact.

CW: fluff, corny rom com dialogue, enemies to friends to lovers, a lot of legal terms, swearing, alcohol, some proofreading but not much sorry, Hange uses they/them pronouns, reader uses she/her pronouns

Word Count: 5.1k

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You slowly woke as you felt the sun hit your face. You stretched, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. Looking at your surroundings, you realized you had fallen asleep on your couch again. Which also meant you forgot to set an alarm. Again. You shot up from the couch, grabbing your phone from the coffee table to check the time.

“Fuck.” You had thirty minutes before you were officially late for work. You bolted to your room to throw some clothes on. You had just enough time to wash your face and brush your teeth. You’d have to forget about eating something.

This had been third night in a row where you had brought work home with you, stayed up way too late, and ended up falling asleep somewhere in your apartment that wasn’t your bed. Last time, you passed at your kitchen table.

Scrambling to collect all the papers you had sprawled out in your living room, you managed to get out of your apartment with all your things, with just enough time to catch the train if you ran. Luckily the train station wasn’t far.

You ran as fast as you could without letting papers fly everywhere. You made it to the platform as people were loading into a train. You managed to get on right before the doors closed, causing you to sigh in relief.

You took this moment to better organize the jumble of papers in your hands. You were too focused on the task at hand to remember how gravity works, so you were not holding onto anything as the train started to pull away from the station. You started to stumble and try to catch yourself from falling but you could tell it was too late.

A pair of arms grabbed you, stopping your fall. You gasped at the sudden touch.

“Oi,” a dry, annoyed voice said from above, “watch it.”

You looked up to see who had saved you from falling over. You couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was. His gunmetal irises glared down at you, causing a chill to run down your spine. You could tell he wasn’t tall, but from this angle he seemed to tower over you.

“Can you speak, idiot?”

“S-sorry,” you said, breaking away from his grasp. “Thank you.”

He rolled his eyes and scoffed quietly in response. You could feel your cheeks glowing red in embarrassment. Yes, you should’ve been more careful, but you also apologized and thanked him; he didn’t need to be rude about it. You stepped to the side, creating more space between you, hugging your work closely to your chest now.

You silently prayed that he would get off at a different stop than you, so that you could rid yourself of the embarrassment once and for all. By the suit he was wearing, he must have worked in an office, which caused you to worry that he’d be going downtown like you. As your stop came closer and closer, your anxiety heightened because he was still there.

The train pulled up to your stop and you rushed to the door, hoping to get off as soon as possible. Your heart sank as you saw that he started moving towards the door at the same time you, causing you to almost bump into each other.

He rolled his eyes again and stepped aside, extending his arm outward as if let you out first.

“Don’t need you tripping behind me and knocking me over.”

If it was possible for your face to get any redder, it was happening now. The doors slide open, and you bolted out of the train.

Entering the office, you couldn’t help but feel miserable. Your whole day had been thrown off and it had barely even started.

You sat at your desk and huffed as you finally let the papers you had been clutching to your person disperse in front of you.

“You cut it close today,” a voice in front of you said. You looked up to see Sasha, the front desk agent, and your best friend, holding two cups of coffee in front of you. She handed one of them to you and you gladly took the offer. The warm mug in your hands almost soothed the negative energy that hung heavy over you.

“I know,” you sighed. “I brought some work home with me and got carried away again.”

You worked at Zoë & Smith, one of the best litigation firms in the city. You felt lucky to have landed a job as a legal assistant there. It’s why you’d been working your ass off so much, bringing work home and taking on more projects. You wanted to prove that you were meant to be there, although it didn’t seem necessary. Everyone respected you and took you seriously, especially the partners. But still you couldn’t help but want to impress them.

“Again?” Sasha furrowed her brows at you. “You need to slow down before you hurt yourself.”

“C’mon, Sasha, it’s not that bad—”

“No, I’m serious! You’re starting to work more than the attorneys. You should be more like Connie. He barely does anything.”

Connie’s head appeared from above his desk. “Am I supposed to take that as compliment or an insult?”

“I don’t mind working a little more, seriously. It’ll help prepare me for law school, plus the overtime is nice.”

“But you look so drained.”

“Oh, this glum look on my face is not because of work.” You rolled your eyes, remembering the rude encounter you had a mere moments ago.

Sasha and Connie titled their heads in curiosity, almost at the same time. It always freaked you out how in-synch they were. They could’ve been related.

“Bad date?” Sasha asked.

“No, some asshole on the train this morning soured my mood.”

“Was it really that bad?”

“Well, to be fair, I did nearly knock him over, but he was just unnecessarily mean about it.”

“Public transit is the worst,” Connie shook his head. “That’s why I bike.”

“I wouldn’t sweat it,” Sasha said. “It’s not like you’ll see him again.”

She was right. You shouldn’t let some stranger bring you down this much, because that’s all he was. A stranger. The odds of you running into him again any time soon were very small. You were able to lift your spirits after that and carry on with your day.

The next morning you rose more at ease. You remembered to set an alarm this time and made sure that you fell asleep in your bed rather than the couch. You had enough time to do your full morning routine before heading to the train station. You felt calm and collected, ready to start a new day. But when you walked onto the train you immediately made eye contact with the man who stopped you from falling yesterday, and suddenly all the “calm” and “collected” feelings you had dissipated.

“Well, if it isn’t the ballerina,” he said, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

You scowled at the snide nickname he had given you.

“Piss off, shrimp.”

You walked to the other end of the car before he could respond. You did not want to deal with this today. You specifically wanted today to be a good day. Maybe the shrimp comment was a low blow, but you couldn’t help it. You put your headphones in and tried your best to ignore his presence. You managed to make it through the rest of your commute without interacting with him.

“You’re not going to believe,” you said as you walked toward Sasha’s desk. She and Connie were filling out a crossword together. “I ran into him this morning!”

“The jerk from yesterday?” Sasha gasped.

“Yeah! He even called me a name. I didn’t engage though. I’m not letting this guy ruin my day again.”

“What did he call you?”

“Ballerina.”

Connie snorted, which caused you and Sasha to glare at him. “What? It’s a little funny.”

Sasha attempted to comfort you. “Well, maybe that’s the last time you’ll see—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” you cut her off. “You’ll just jinx it.”

Despite your hopes, you saw him again the next morning. And the morning after that. And the morning after that. You couldn’t seem to get away from each other. He had become a part of your morning commute. No matter what train car you got onto, he was somehow there. It was starting to become freaky. You contemplated whether you were living in a simulation or if you were just cursed with bad luck. It didn’t help that he made comments every single morning he saw you. He got creative with them on a few occasions.

“Been practicing your pirouettes?”

You snapped back. “Did you Google ballet terms before you got on the train this morning?”

The next day it was, “So will you be performing Swan Lake or The Nutcracker for us this morning?”

“Did someone piss in your kid’s meal today?” you retorted, making sure to shove your shoulder against his as you walked past him.

You considered alternatives to guarantee you’d never see him again. You could get a bike, but you lived too far away to avoid not showing up covered in sweat if you chose to bike to work. Driving was out of the question. You were saving for law school and getting a car would blow your budget.

Were you really going to let a man dictate how you would get to work every day? That’s ridiculous, you thought. There was no way you could just ignore him. You needed to embrace that he was just another background character in your life.

But then one day it happened. You walked onto the train, holding your breath for the sound of his snarky voice, but it never came. He wasn’t on the train that day. Maybe you finally got lucky and picked different cars. Maybe he missed it entirely. Either way, you didn’t care. You felt relief rush through you as you carried on with your commute in peace.

You walked into work with a stride and a smile on your face, which Sasha immediately noticed.

“You look rather cheerful today.”

“For once, I didn’t see that asshole on the train today.”

“That’s a good sign!” Sasha cheered. “Today will be a good day for you, I’m sure of it.”

You smiled and hoped that she was right. You desperately needed to catch a break. As you two continued your routine catch up, Erwin Smith, one of the partners of the firm walked up to you. He greeted the two of you with a good morning and then turned to Sasha.

“One of the attorneys from Ackerman & Ackerman is coming in at noon. We’ll be meeting in my office, so direct him there once he comes in.”

Sasha nodded and smiled. Erwin turned to you next.

“Make sure our interrogatories are drafted before he gets here. Jean’s working on them, so bug him about it as much as you need to.” You nodded in response.

Erwin walked away, allowing you to reveal the confusion you had been hiding on your face. You looked to Sasha for help.

“Ackerman & Ackerman?”

“They’re our co-counsel for the Pyxis case,” she reminded you. It all clicked suddenly. You couldn’t believe you had forgotten about one of the most important cases at the firm.

“Right.” You glanced at the clock near Sasha’s desk. “Well, I should get to it then. I don’t have much time.”

You did your best to quickly get your daily tasks completed to give you more time to focus on the Pyxis case. You checked the clock to see it was 11:30, so you went to Jean’s office to see if the drafts were finished. It only took a little pestering it get him to finish and send them to you to print.

You walked by Sasha’s desk, freshly printed interrogatories in hand. She leaned forward as you passed her.

“He’s hot,” she whispered.

“Who?”

“The attorney! He got here a few minutes ago.”

“A few minutes ago?” You checked the clock again. 11:47 am. “It’s not even noon yet.”

She shrugged, which was no help to you. Erwin needed to see the drafts before the attorney showed up, and this just threw everything off. You made a beeline to Erwin’s office. The door was slightly open, so you knocked softly before letting yourself in.

Erwin sat at his desk, which faced the door. The mystery attorney sat with his back to you.

“Oh good,” Erwin said, seeing the papers in your hand. “I’ll take those.”

You walked closer to the desk to hand them over, and as you did, you were able to see more clearly who was sitting in the chair. Your stomach sank when you realized you recognized the man in the chair. You felt like your eyes were about to pop out of your head.

No fucking way, you thought. The asshole from the train was sitting in that chair.

He looked at you, and while he did not seem to react, you could tell he recognized you, too.

“This is Levi Ackerman,” Erwin introduced him. “He’ll be working with us on the Pyxis case. Levi, this [y/n], the legal assistant on the case. I’m sure you two will be working a lot together.”

Levi rose from his seat and stuck his hand out for you to shake. “Nice to meet you,” he said rather politely. Despite the urge building inside you to smack his hand away, you shook it. To your surprise, the skin of his hand was soft and cool. You were almost expecting it to feel like sandpaper, coarse like his personality.

“Likewise,” you said. “I look forward to working with you.” That was a lie. This was a literal nightmare. You wanted nothing more than to wake up in your apartment and realize you were just having a horrible dream.

“Well, since we’re all acquainted now,” Erwin interjected, “[y/n], why don’t you join us for the rest of the meeting? We’re discussing strategy since we have that discovery deadline coming up in a month.”

You nodded and took the seat next to Levi. You did your best to remain focused on Erwin’s words rather than the menacing presence that was sitting next to you. The meeting seemed to fly by and before you knew it, you were walking out of Erwin’s office. You made sure to be the first to leave the room. The sooner you were away from him, the better.

You saw Sasha by the copy room and sped walk towards her, pulling her to the side.

“It’s him,” you whispered.

“Who?”

“The attorney. He’s the asshole from the train.”

“No way,” Sasha gasped. You shushed her. The last thing you needed was more attention.

“I wish I was lying.”

Unlike you, Sasha seemed more amazed than panicked. “That’s crazy! Really, what are the odds? The man you see every morning suddenly shows up--”

“Yes, I’m aware that this circumstance is quite bizarre, but I frankly do not care. I am too focused on the fact that I now have to work with him most likely every day until this case settles.”

Sasha looked past you to Connie who was walking by. She beckoned him over with a whisper.

“Tell him what you told me.” She nudged you eagerly. You hated how excited she was by this.

“Levi Ackerman is the asshole from the train,” you repeated, this time more defeated.

“No way,” Connie said in almost the exact same tone as Sasha had earlier.

“Right?” Sasha giggled. “Isn’t it crazy?”

“This might be the beginning of your love story.” Connie wiggled his eyebrows at you.

You scoffed and shoved him lightly. “Oh, fuck off, that’s not funny.”

You made your way back to your desk, preparing yourself for the list of things you needed to do for the Pyxis case. Maybe if you just focused on the work at hand, Levi’s presence wouldn’t matter that much.

“Oi,” a familiar voice said. Speak of the devil. He was standing right in front of your desk.

“Listen,” he continued, “I don’t expect you to be nice to me while I’m here. I’m sure you want to get this over with as much as I do. So let’s just be civil for the time being. I’ll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine.”

“I’m not sure that’s possible since we’re working on the same case,” you said.

“You know what I mean, ballerina,” he scoffed.

He rolled his eyes when he saw your eyebrow arch at the remark. “Sorry, I mean [y/n].”

“Yeah, whatever, Mr. Ackerman.”

He grimaced and said, “I’d rather you call me Shrimp.”

This was going to be hell.

Three weeks had gone by since Levi Ackerman’s arrival to Zoë & Smith. Your run-ins with him on the train had been replaced with run-ins at the office. In the break room. The copy room. Erwin’s office. He was everywhere now. You agreed to be civil and, for the most part, you were. The occasional scoffs slipped from both of your lips when no one was around. You may have rolled your eyes once or twice when he wasn’t looking.

Your only saving grace was that the plaintiff’s counsel finally agreed to go to mediation, which meant that if everything goes well, Levi would be out of your hair in two months at most. You were currently composing exhibits for the mediation submission, the deadline for which was coming up in two weeks, when Hange Zoë, partner at the firm and head attorney on many of your cases, strolled up to your desk.

“Have you made any progress on the medical records we got for the Braun case last week?” Hange asked.

It took you a moment to realize what they were asking you. It clicked suddenly in your mind, and you could feel your stomach sink. You had completely forgotten about the medical records.

“No, I’m sorry, Hange. I’ve been so busy with the Pyxis case, that they slipped my mind. I’ll go through them now if you wan—”

“It’s ok,” they smiled. “You’ve got a lot on your plate right now, there’s no need to rush. If you get around to them, give me an update at the end of the week.”

You nodded and thanked them for their flexibility but couldn’t help but still feel guilty for not even taking a glance at the records since receiving them. You needed to give Hange something before Friday. And today was Wednesday, which meant you were definitely working overtime.

You decided that it would be easier to work late at the office rather than take your work home with you. If you accidentally fell asleep, at least this time you’d be on time for work.

Staring at your desk, you stifled a yawn as you continued to chronologically sort files. Your mind couldn’t help but wander as you blankly stared at the dates on the pages. You don’t know why, but you suddenly thought about him. Damn hot-shot lawyer, Levi Ackerman. You must have been the unluckiest person in the world. Just when you thought he was out of your hair, he showed up again. It didn’t help that everyone was so impressed by him. You would think he was humanity’s greatest attorney or something. All everyone seemed to talk about was how smart he was, how cool he was, how handsome he was. God, the comments about his looks were non-stop. His jet-black hair and matching eyes. His well-fitted suits. His jawline.

Your confused daydreaming distracted you enough to become careless with your sorting. Before you realized it, you had accidentally reverse-chronologized 50 pages of medical records. You cursed at yourself quietly, dreading the unnecessary extra work you had just made for yourself. You couldn’t look at your computer screen any longer. Your eyes wouldn’t stop tearing up from the blue light. If you were going to finish this tonight, you’d need caffeine.

You rose from your desk and lightly stretched before heading to the break room. It’s cruel how sore your body could become just from sitting all day. You inspected the coffee pot to find half a cup’s worth of 5-hour-old coffee. You briefly debated just reheating it but knew that you’d eventually have to make more coffee anyways, so it might as well be now. You dumped the sad, stale coffee in the sink and started making a fresh pot.

“Working late?”

The voice made you jump. Levi was sitting at the table in the center of the break room with a mug of tea in his hand, looking directly at you. How did you not notice that he was there?

“God, have you been sitting there the whole time?”

“Yes,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Well, learn to be less quiet.”

He smirked and sipped his tea. “Noted.”

You turned back to the coffee pot. “To answer your question, I am working for however long it takes me to chronologize and abstract these medical records. So quite late.”

He hummed in response. Silence followed. Only the sound of coffee brewing filled the break room.

“I’m sure you can guess what I’m here for,” he finally said.

“Using company time to get your divorce papers in order?”

He chuckled. He actually laughed at something you said. He must have been really tired.

“Well,” you continued, “if you need help on the mediation submission, let me know. I’m already here, so I might as well.”

“Thanks,” he said. You could detect a hint of confusion in his voice. He wasn’t the only one that was confused. You weren’t really sure why you were offering help.

The coffee finally finished brewing, so you poured yourself a cup. This was your opportunity to walk away, so you did.

Getting back to work was a lot easier once you had caffeine running in your bloodstream. You actually made significant progress in only an hour and a half. You decided this was a good place to stop, so you sent your work to the printer.

You walked into the copy room to find a very disgruntled Levi standing in front of the printer.

“Do you know how to work this thing?”

You chuckled. “The hot-shot lawyer doesn’t know how to work a printer.”

He rolled his eyes at you. “Are you going to help me or not?”

“Step aside, Ackerman,” you said as you walked toward the printer. “Let the expert handle this.”

You might despise Levi, but the printer was your number one enemy at the firm. You faced too many battles against that hunk of junk, some you left defeated, but you came out victorious in most. You opened the paper feeder on top of the printer to inspect the problem. Silence filled the room as you began conducting your trial-and-error process to fixing the printer.

You couldn’t handle the tension anymore. It was time to finally address the elephant in the room. “So, I haven’t seen you on train recently.”

“I got my car fixed.”

“Oh,” you said.

“That’s why I was taking the train those few weeks. My car broke down.”

“What, a flashy attorney like you can’t afford a nice car?”

“My car is nice,” he snapped. “Sure, it’s a little old, but it runs perfectly fine.”

You chuckled but couldn’t help but notice the feeling swelling in your stomach. Was it disappointment? It was odd that now you were almost expecting him to be on the train every morning, greeting you with glares and rude nicknames. You dismissed the feeling as you found the culprit to the printer issue, a jammed piece of paper. You pulled the jammed piece out and shut the top of the printer triumphantly, allowing it to continue its halted work.

“You’re welcome,” you smirked at Levi.

As you left the copy room, you could feel his eyes on you, but you didn’t dare look back to confirm if he was actually looking.

Once your records were printed and stamped, you gathered your things and made your way out of the office. You peaked into the break room to see Levi making more tea for himself.

“Go home,” he said, reading your mind. “I’ve got everything handled.”

“Ok, goodnight,” you muttered, walking away to hide the sudden blush that covered your face.

Work with Levi became much more bearable after that night. He was very polite and cooperative. He even joked with you at times. He still called you names and scoffed at you occasionally, but you found those gestures endearing at this point.

“So when’s the wedding?” Sasha asked one day.

“I would like the record to show that I did predict that this would happen, and I believe I should be compensated in some way for my psychic abilities,” Connie joined.

You rolled your eyes at the two morons. “Settle down you two. We’ve just come to an understanding.”

“If by ‘understanding’ you mean you two finally realized your bickering was just your weird way of flirting, then sure,” Connie said.

You tried to dismiss his comment, but your mind couldn’t help but linger on what he said. Were you two flirting? Sure, the name-calling and eye-rolling had become a lot more playful over the past few days, but you wouldn’t call it flirting. You were just being friendly. Right?

The day of mediation finally came. Levi met with Erwin at the office before going together to the mediator’s office. You had all the binders packed away in

“Wish us luck!” Erwin cheered, giving you a thumbs up as he strolled by your desk. Levi stared at him blankly from behind. He stopped at your desk before following Erwin.

“If all goes well, this will be the last time we see each other.”

“Let’s hope,” you smiled, crossing your fingers in front of you. He smirked at your teasing.

“So long, ballerina,” he said before walking away.

“So long, asshole,” you responded.

For the rest of the day you had trouble focusing on your work. You couldn’t help but wonder if the case settled or not. It was because you wanted to finally be done with case. That’s what you told yourself at least. There were two hours left in the workday when you finally got the call.

“We settled!” Erwin’s voice said on the other end of the line.

“Congrats on the win, Erwin,” you smiled. You meant it. Really, you did.

When you closed the Pyxis file, you were filled with relief and…what was it? Longing? You didn’t expect to feel this confused over a silly case. That’s what you told yourself at least. There were two hours left in the workday when you finally got the call.

“We settled!” Erwin’s voice said on the other end of the line.

“Congrats on the win, Erwin,” you smiled. You meant it. Really, you did.

When you closed the Pyxis file, you were filled with relief and…what was it? Longing? You didn’t expect to feel this confused over a silly case. You had gotten so used to the routine of seeing Levi everywhere that seeing him nowhere made it feel like something was missing. Like there was a snarky, annoying, Levi-shaped hole in your life. You knew from the beginning that Levi wasn’t always going to be around. He was temporary.

The next morning you started your day very low energy. You had to accept that life would go back to “normal” now, whether you liked it or not. You walked onto the train and your brain almost dismissed the man standing in front of you as just a hallucination. A mere subconscious desire manifested into an image of Levi standing in your train. But the mirage didn’t vanish when you blinked. Then you realized, it actually was Levi.

“Well, this is a surprise,” you smiled.

“Don’t get too excited,” he rolled his eyes. “My car broke down again, so I’m taking the train in the meantime.”

“You need to get a new car, Ackerman,” you snorted.

And just like that, the old routine was back. You saw him on the train every morning. He even started waiting for you outside of your work building so you could take the train together at the end of the day. “I have to make sure you don’t knock anyone over on your way home,” he teased.

You felt content, but you knew this was just another temporary situation. In a few days or a week, he would be back to driving to work and you would be alone again. So, one day you felt particularly brave and asked him if he wanted to get drinks after work. His normally stoic expression broke for a mere second to show his surprise. When his face returned to its original form, he shrugged and said, “We might as well.”

One drink is what you promised. But it was Friday, so one drink turned into two. And then three. And then four. The effects of the alcohol flushed both of your faces and softened the tension between you two. You were laughing rather hard at a surprisingly good joke he had told when you realized he was staring at you hard. Before you could ask if he was ok, he spoke.

“My car isn’t in the shop.”

“Oh, it’s working again?”

“No, it was never in the shop.”

You frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I lied. It was never in the shop. It’s been running fine.”

“So, you’ve been taking the train because…” You let your sentence trail off. You waited for him to fill the blanks.

“Because I didn’t know how else I would get to see you.”

You stared blankly at him as you processed his words. It felt like your brain was short-circuiting. The alcohol sure didn’t help. He couldn’t have possibly said what you thought he said. Or maybe he did say it, but you were just interpreting it differently.

Levi shifted uncomfortably as you continued to not say anything. His face became redder than it was before. You didn’t realize you had been silent for so long.

You started stammering to find words. “I—uh, I’m—w-well uh that’s um…Are you saying that—”

“I like you,” he interrupted. “A lot. And I would like to see you more outside of public transit. Because while I’m continuing to be honest, I have to tell you, I hate riding the train. It’s unbearable. It’s loud and it smells. There are always too many people, and no one knows how to—”

It was your turn to cut him off. But instead of speaking, you interrupted him with a kiss. His lips were frozen at the sudden touch, but quickly softened when he realized it was your lips he was feeling against his. The kiss was brief but gentle. You pulled away just enough to look into his dark eyes that now seemed to glimmer before you. You both smiled at each other knowingly before leaning in for another kiss.

“OH MY GOD!” a voice shouted from the other side of the bar. Your eyes flashed towards the sound to find Sasha and Connie staring at the two of you, jaws dropped to the floor.

“Before you ask,” Levi said, “this is exactly what it looks like.”

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vrisrezis · 3 years ago

Note

Hi! I hope your requests are open because I wanted to ask for a platonic Southpark x reader fic (4th grade not Post COVID). Could you write a Cartman x reader who forgets to eat and almost passes out in class, causing Cartman to get mad and basically try to force them to eat quite a bit after school to make up for what they haven’t. Lol I just like the idea of Cartman being caring but also pissed. Thank you! If you don’t like the request just ignore this lol.

So cute I love this idea a lot <//3 I forget to eat all the time tbh lmao

Class was so boring. If you were being honest with yourself, you couldn’t tell if you were falling in and out of conscious due to tiredness or just because you haven’t ate anything today. It’s hard to remember to eat, especially so early in the damn morning. You wish lunch would come sooner, but you have two more fucking periods. You thought you were gonna throw up a whole ass hour ago, but that damn nurse just sent you back to class regardless. You were thankful nobody else caught on, especially not your close friends Cartman, Kenny, Stan and Kyle.

Those guys were the closest friends you had (despite the fact they’re assholes). Despite this though, they worried about you greatly. This was because of your little habits. Those little habits being .. forgetting things. You forget things all the time. Even simple things normal people usually remember, such as eating. You forget to eat all the time, even when you’re hungry you forget to eat and get distracted by something. Sometimes you forget to sleep cause you got distracted on some game. The list goes on and on. You wished you weren’t so forgetful sometimes, but that’s just how you were.

Honestly, the one you were worried the most about was cartman. Sure, the other three would worry a lot about you.. but cartman got especially mad about the food thing. Food is clearly a passion of his.. right..? You hope that’s not mean to think but.. it does make sense why he’d be more angry about it. He loves eating, and can’t understand how somebody could forget to do something so important. Kenny would at least be forgiving.. even though he kinda struggles with getting food from time to time (which kinda makes you feel like a dick). Kenny actually thought you may have had a eating disorder, but you reassured him you really just forgot. Stan and Kyle believed you on that, but those two always get so concerned about you (which you don’t want).

But cartman always got the angriest, when Kyle is concerned for somebody, even he doesn’t get angry. But cartman? Pissed. But you didn’t have time to worry about the consequences of cartmans anger, because it was too late and you feel yourself passing out. You know you should .. say something. Any part of you that tries to keep this a secret from the bigger kid next to you goes out the window as you reach over and grab onto his arm.

He jolts from this sudden contact, confused for a moment and is about to yell at you before he notices your state. “oh shit!” and that alerts Stan and Kyle to tell Garrison what’s happening.

You were quickly sent to the nurse, unfortunately you could not be picked up from your parents (or any other guardian) and you can’t just walk home by yourself (you questioned why somebody can’t just walk with you, you were told that is just simply not possible), and were told to just stay there at the nurses office until school was over and you had somebody in school walk you home. The nurse didn’t have any food unfortunately, but she was able to at the very least get you some water to drink.

When school was finally over, the nurse told you that you apparently had a volunteer take you home. A part of you prayed it may have been Kenny, maybe even Stan and Kyle. But you knew better. Maybe a small part of you hoped for butters since you lived right next to eachother, but deep down you already knew who it was gonna be.

Eric Cartman.

The boy you’ve been dreading to see since you went in the nurses office. He was acting all innocent and nice to the teacher, even gave you a sweet smile. But you knew that wasn’t a sweet smile. You knew him too well. He was fucking pissed.

He held out his hand for you to grab, “we don’t need to-” “grab my hand.” he said in a warning tone. You knew better than to piss off the kid that made his own half brother eat his parents, so you obliged and grabbed his hand and walked out of the office and you grabbed your things and walked out with him to school, hand in hand. “Why are you holding my hand?” “Why aren’t you eating?” He snapped back, and you went silent. “Jesus Christ! What will it take for you to remember to eat every once in awhile!” He rolled his eyes. You’ll admit, you expected more than that.

As to which you were right. “Cartman this isn’t by my house.” I know that. I’m taking you to KFC.” “Oh.” “And then we’re going to McDonald’s. Wendys. Burger King (even though it tastes like ass),” he went on for awhile and he certainly didn’t disappoint. He took you to all of those places, and you felt like puking from how much you ate.

You had fun though, yeah cartmans a bit scary when you don’t eat but his anger doesn’t last for long and you two can just talk about normal things again.

And after that, he said “I hope you don’t do this again dumbass. You seriously know how to piss me off.”

#sp x reader #South Park x reader #South Park Eric cartman x reader #Eric cartman x reader #cartman x reader #Eric x reader #sp cartman x reader #sp Eric cartman x reader #sp Eric x reader #South Park cartman x reader #south park Eric x reader

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jzdnl · 2 years ago

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nori 👹 i have a writing question 🫶🏼

how do you turn off your editing brain when reading back on your work and like idk, reach a point where you can enjoy your own writing 😭 i feel like that’s always what i want to do (i write the things i wanna see in the world 🫡) but it’s hard to get over that critical blockage.

so if you have any advice, ilu 🤲🏼💕

i actually never turn off editing brain, but i still can enjoy my stuff happily with the editor in my brain bothering me. This is probably because i don't care 😭

Let me explain:

at first, i wrote things for others to enjoy, and i know a lot of writers do this. it’s something we’ve been conditioned to do. i also think this is something all afab people are conditioned into doing from outside sources (i.e. dressing a certain way to appease others, but this is an essay for another time lmao). so, by default, it’s hard to write and solely consider your own pleasure and what you like without outside influence. i’m aware some people will never be able to create without worrying about outside influence. i also consider outside influence, but i stand next to that person in my head when i read my stuff. so, now getting to the point: we have to learn to make the two coexist. you know how people say they have two faces or like wear a mask? the writer has two people in the brain: the writer and the person. so i have nori and then writer!nori coexisting in my brain. nori is the outsider to writer!nori. when i (nori) read my own work, writer!nori and nori (i) are standing next to each other looking at the screen. i hear writer!nori going “yikes dude, that sounds like ASS. rewrite it.” but nori is there humming and ignoring them to enjoy the story like an outsider. editor hat never comes off. i just put another hat over it and pretend it’s not there.

so, to backtrack (and explain why i said all that shit about outside influence) a writer will always consider readers and forget that they are a reader too the same way a person will get dressed for work and think about how their coworkers will feel about their outfit, forgetting they’ll have to see the outfit too when they look in the mirror or see their reflection in windows. both must coexist. the writer version will ALWAYS have something to complain about. something can always be better. but we have to accept that what’s done is done and let our reader self step up. stop letting the writer stand it front of it like “woahhh no buddy don’t look it’s not perfect!” it's never going to be perfect, so might as well get over it.

or you can pretend you didn't write it. truly impersonate an outsider and read the story like you have no idea who the author is. sometimes i click on my fic in the tag instead of through statistics and act like i'm just picking a new fic 😭 that's harder though.

so, tldr: ignore the editor and eventually, they’ll shut up 🥴

#lmao essays by nori?#i hope this makes sense

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youare-mysonshine · 4 years ago

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heavy || bucky barnes

Summary: reader’s mental health has been taking a decline and bucky is there.

Requested: No

Pairing: TFATWS Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: talks of mental health, depression, anxiety, angst, cussing.

Word Count: 3.2K

A/N: Hey guys, I’m back I guess lmao. I’ve really been struggling with my mental health lately and I guess I kinda just wanted to put it into words, something productive? And I’ve been feeling our angsty emo boy bucky barnes. Most of you might’ve followed me for my Oscar fics but I kinda wanna branch out and I thought this would be a good time to do so. Anyways, I know that some of you have inboxed me or messaged me and I haven’t responded and I’m sorry. But I just want you all to know that if you’re struggling, I’m always here to talk. About anything, always. So, I hope you enjoy this. I might’ve cried while writing this lmao and I also might’ve ended it on such an awkward place but, i’m still getting used to writing again. (Flashbacks are in italics)

————

Bucky didn’t miss the dark circles under your eyes. He didn’t miss the way you sort of slouched as you approached him. He didn’t miss the way that your smile didn’t really meet your eyes.

“Hey,” You said in a breathless voice. “Sorry, I’m late. I got held up.” You said as you took a seat across from him in the booth. Held up. It was better than telling him that you were thinking of just not showing up at all. In the end, you knew that you couldn’t do that. You couldn’t just blow off your new friend who you had so enjoyed spending time with. So, in a rush, you got dressed and made your way to the small, quiet diner that you two had taken to frequenting together. Bucky Barnes was an enigma if you’d ever met one. The way that you had met was rather.. cliche and something straight from a story.

You had been trying to lay off of the caffeine for a while, realizing that you had nearly gone through an entire packet of 32 k-pods that you had just purchased. You realized that you might’ve had a problem. You had been going pretty strong with staying away from caffeine for the time being, until you passed by a coffee shop and got a whiff of coffee. You just couldn’t help yourself; you bought a cup of coffee. It was when you were walking down the street, holding the cup of coffee in one hand, looking down, that you didn’t see someone walking right in your path. You had collided into what seemed like a solid wall and the impact had caused you to squeeze the cup of coffee in surprise, the warm liquid burning your hand, staining your clothes and the other person. You had realized it was another person you had crashed into when you heard them let out a low cuss.

Bucky’s grumpy self had been fully prepared to tell you off for crashing into him, having just left his therapist’s office, but when you looked up at him with those bright eyes of yours, a million apologies spilling from your lips a mile a minute, he swallowed whatever harsh words had nearly sprung forth. He had apologized as well; both of you had been at fault. Bucky had been going over his session with Dr. Raynor that morning, completely lost in his own mind, and you had your eyes trained on the ground, something that was a bad habit of yours. The shock of realizing you had bumped into a man, a really really handsome man with the brightest blue eyes you had ever seen, had made you temporarily forget that you had practically scorched your hand with the coffee, and that you had gotten it on him as well.

“I’m so, so sorry.” You said once again, quickly averting your eyes from the handsome stranger’s face. Instead you focused on the smushed cup in your hand and the stains on his leather jacket. It just made you feel even terrible. “I, I can pay for you to get your jacket cleaned, if you want. Really. I wasn’t paying attention and I just, for whatever reason, squished my cup and.. I’m sorry.” You said, kind of breathlessly.

“It’s.. it’s alright.” His voice was like the coffee that you had been drinking. Smooth and rich. It was deep, something that reverberated deep in your chest and had your stomach fluttering with butterflies. “I wasn’t paying attention either. Really, it’s fine. And don’t worry about my jacket. No harm, no foul.” He said. “You should, uh, you should take care of that hand. Hope you didn’t burn yourself too bad.” He gestured to your hand, still clutching the cup, with one of his own gloved hands.

“Oh, I’ll be fine. It wasn’t that hot. Thank you, though. And again, I’m really, really sorry.” Sparing one, seemingly, last glance at the handsome stranger, you side stepped him and began to walk away, tossing the empty cup of coffee in a trash can on the sidewalk. But you didn’t get very far because that deep voice called out to you, halting you in your tracks.

“Can I buy you another cup of coffee?” Bucky’s mouth had opened and spoken the words long before his brain could even catch up. He didn’t know why he had asked you that, but something in his gut was just telling him too.

“What?” A look of total bewilderment had crossed your face and he had seen it.

“I just, well I thought that, since I bumped into you, I could make it up to you by buying you a new cup of coffee. If you wanted, I mean. You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or anything.” Bucky clarified, hand stuffed in his pocket, waiting for your answer. For a few seconds, you simply stood there, unsure of what to say because surely this wasn’t happening? The last time that you had gone out with a guy was.. well, shit, you didn’t even remember the last time. The little voice in the back of your head, that anxious, paranoid little voice, was telling you not to go off with a stranger. You’d watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds and other true crime shows and documentaries to know that situations like this never turned out well. However, you didn’t get a bad feeling from this particular man. He seemed just as awkward and slightly frazzled as you felt. So you agreed.

“I’m Bucky, by the way.”

“Y/N.”

That had happened about two months ago. Ever since then, you and Bucky had formed a strong friendship. Your first time getting coffee with him had been awkward, as were the next few times that you had seen one another. But things got easier. Becoming friends was easy. You kind of fell into this routine, almost as if you two had known each other your whole lives. That was why Bucky telling you who he really was had been terrifying for him. He carried around guilt and shame and just contempt for everything he’d done. Everything The Winter Soldier represented, and when he told you, he figured that you would think the same. He had asked you meet him at the diner that had now become your spot and and you remember how he nervously wrung his gloved hands together. You remember when you asked him what was wrong and he didn’t verbally respond but he took off his gloves; the right one first and then the left, revealing a shiny black metal hand, golden lines intricately placed.

He told you then. Maybe he didn’t tell you everything but he told you who he was and he had braced himself for you to get up and storm out. Or, to yell at him and tell him how much of a monster he was. But, it never came. Instead, you reached out and placed your hand on top his. Not his real hand, but the metal one. You didn’t say anything. You just gave him that smile that was quickly becoming his favorite. Sometimes, silence spoke a thousand words. To Bucky, you had become kind of a respite for him. Even in the late nights or mornings when he woke up after a nightmare. Or after a particularly hard session with Dr. Raynor. He had closed himself off from other people except you.

Bucky might not have known it, but he gave you the same level of comfort as you gave him. You found yourself craving his presence. Every time you were around him, you couldn’t help but to smile or laugh. In the time that you spent together, your mind was clear and free from all your worries. It all evaporated into thin air. Your mind, usually so active with all sorts of thoughts and worries, could finally rest when you were with Bucky. You could sleep. You could get up in the morning without that stress and anxiety drowning you. It was okay. It was great.

Until it wasn’t.

“No problem, doll.” He said, gloved hands clasped under the table on his lap. “I already ordered. Got your usual. Hope that was alright.” He added, to which you nodded absentmindedly.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. Thanks Buck.” You said, mustering up a half hearted smile that didn’t reach your eyes. It was like even smiling drained the energy from you. You were exhausted. Not even just physically but mentally and emotionally. You had been having such good days for a while now, since meeting Bucky. You felt like maybe you would finally be alright but.. this feeling of hopelessness, the feeling that nothing was quite right, it was heavy. It weighed you down. It suffocated you. You wanted to be alone, but you also couldn’t stand to be alone because when you were alone, you were just stuck in your head and being in your head was the absolute worst place to be.

The intrusive thoughts had started. They told you that you would do nothing but weigh Bucky down. That he didn’t need someone like you in his life, someone with clear problems of their own, when he was going to therapy trying to better himself. Even if it had been mandatory for him to go. You wanted to push him away, save him from yourself, but you also couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

Bucky noticed the shift in you. Normally when you two met up, whether it was at the diner or anywhere else, you would usually talk his ear off. Not that he minded, he was content to just sit back and listen to you. Sometimes, you’d tell him about a new book that you had started reading. You had just started reading the fifth Harry Potter book and you were trying to get him to read them. You’d tell him about your day. You’d ask him how his day went, how it went with Dr. Raynor, though you never pushed for more information. You always let him share if he was comfortable with it and he appreciated that. Sometimes you teased him for being such an old man.

The food came soon after you had arrived and sure enough, Bucky had ordered your usual. It sent a pang through your heart when you realized that he had memorized your order, down to the extra syrup and whipped cream on the pancakes. Bucky always liked to make fun of you for ordering the same thing when you came to the diner. No matter what time it was, you always ordered the pancakes with extra syrup and extra whip cream, with the strawberries on the side. Secretly, though he found it adorable.

Today, you had barely even taken more than a few bites and that was what really let Bucky know that something wasn’t right. You kept your head down, eyes on the pancakes and you cut them up, bringing a few up to your mouth and chewing slowly, but you mostly just moved them around your plate with the fork in your hand. Bucky himself had barely taken only a few bites of the food he’d ordered for himself, but it wasn’t for lack of appetite, it was because of the growing concern. His bright blue eyes were now a stormy grey, kind of like the clouds that you see during a heavy storm. His brows were furrowed, giving him an appearance almost as if he were angry.

“You alright, Y/N? You’ve barely eaten your food and normally you finish before I do.” He attempted to joke, to bring about that smile that seemed to always fill him with warmth. He half expected you to look up at him with that cheeky little smile, a mischievous look in your eyes and say “You know, I would be offended by that, but I know why you eat so slow, Buck. I completely understand. You don’t want your dentures to fall out.” But it never came.

You don’t know what it was. Bucky asking you if you were alright or if it was simply all the pressure of just.. everything, finally breaking, but you could feel the hot tears in your eyes. They blurred your vision until you couldn’t really see the plate of the pancakes in focus. The dam had finally come apart and you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You set the fork down and buried your face in your hands, your shoulders lightly shaking as you began to cry. All Bucky could do was stare for a few seconds, alarm written all over his face. Alarm and distress because he had no idea what just happened and if he had done something to upset you.

“Woah woah, hey. Sweetheart, hey. What’s wrong?” In seconds, Bucky was out of his side of the booth and scooting in beside you. You felt the comfort of his warmth, you felt his arm tentatively, almost hesitantly, slide around your shoulders and anchor you to him. You shook your head, attempting to calm down, to stop the tears but the more you tried, the more they seemed to come.

“I-I’m sorry, Bucky.. I.. I’m sorry.. I-I’m fine. Really.” You said, sniffling. It was apparent to you both that you were not alright and he really just wanted to get to the bottom of it. Or at least attempt to comfort you. But doing that in the middle of a diner with other people around wasn’t ideal.

“Hey, my apartment is only a short walk away. Come on, let’s get you out of here and somewhere more quiet.” You didn’t protest. You just nodded and slid out of the booth after he did. Bucky took out his wallet and placed a few bills on the table, paying for the uneaten food, and then quickly led you out of the establishment. He kept his hand on you, almost like an anchor. Whether it was to reassure you or himself, he didn’t know and you didn’t mind either. It was probably the only thing that kept you from retreating inside of your mind and giving in to the panic that so desperately wanted out.

You didn’t even realize that you had reached his apartment until he had led you up the stairs and you were standing behind him as he unlocked the door. He allowed you to step in first and then quickly followed behind you, shutting the door as he did so. You didn’t really get the chance to take in his apartment because he had ushered you to sit on his couch while he knelt in front of you.

“Alright, you’re scarin’ me here, doll. What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?” The sheer look of concern and slight panic in his face and those pretty eyes of his made the waterworks come back again. You shook your head, your face scrunched up in anguish. Hot bullet tears fell from your eyes and left a wet path in their wake down your cheeks. Bucky wasn’t one to pry; he hated it when people tried to pry into his life and he didn’t do it to you, but he couldn’t stand the sight of seeing you cry. He couldn’t stand the sight of your once bright eyes and cheery smile just.. gone. You eyes were sad and your lips were pulled into a frown. “Talk to me, baby.” He practically pleaded.

“I just.. I don’t.. I don’t know how to explain it, Buck.” You cried. “I-I.. I just feel like..” You let out a frustrated cry when you couldn’t find the right words but Bucky was patient. He reached a hand up, cupping your cheek and wiping away the tears that kept falling. “I don’t feel.. happy. Everyday I wake up and I just, I feel fine for like a few seconds and then everything just comes crashing down on me. I can’t ever stop thinking. I can’t sleep at night. I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like this, Bucky. And I feel fucking crazy. Sometimes I feel like you don’t even really like me. I feel.. hopeless, like nothing is ever going to be okay. I might feel okay for a few seconds but then it just goes away.” You explained, though you were sure that you probably sounded like a raving and ranting lunatic. “Before I met you, I liked being alone but I also hated it because when I was alone, I would just overthink and overthink and overthink about every fucking thing. If it wasn’t one thing it was another just giving me such bad anxiety and.. I don’t know what to do anymore, Bucky. I’m just tired of feeling like this. Feeling like nothing is ever going to be okay, like I’m never going to be okay. I just feel.. alone.”

His heart was well and truly broken. In the two months that he’d known you, he hadn’t known how badly you had struggled with your mental health. He hadn’t known the war that you fought within your mind, and how bad it had become. You were such saving grace for Bucky; you saved him from the wars inside of his mind. The constant feeling of guilt that he fought with on a daily basis, and now.. he just wanted to do the same for you. He wanted to shoulder some of the pain that you carried, the pain that seemed to be weighing you down. Both of his hands now cupped your cheeks so delicately, as if you were the most precious thing in the world to him. His blue eyes were shining, looking at you with not pity, but something like.. understanding. If anyone knew what you were feeling, it was Bucky.

“You’re not alone.” His smooth and rich voice was so soft, so gentle that it brought on a new set of tears. “You’re not alone, sweetheart. Not anymore. You know why? Cause you got me.” He said. “I know what it’s like to feel hopeless. To feel stuck in your head. To feel like nothing is ever gonna get better. I felt like that in Wakanda. Sometimes.. sometimes, we need help. And I know I’m not one to be talking considering that I don’t really like talking to my therapist or even going,” That roused the smallest of smiles from you. “I’m here. You know that, right? I’m here. You got me and I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I don’t care if you have a million bad days. I don’t care if you feel like you’re bothering me. I’ll be there every time.” You two have gradually gravitated close to one another until your foreheads were pressed together. Bucky was still knelt in front of you on the couch, his hands still holding your cheeks. Your eyes were closed and you could feel his warm breath fanning your face. The tears had stopped falling but you were still sniffling softly. “You’ve helped me. Even if you don’t know it. You’ve helped me.” He was whispering. There was no one but you two in his apartment but he was still whispering the words meant for only you to hear. “Now, let me help you. Please.”

“Okay. I trust you, Bucky.”

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky fic #james buchanan barnes #sebastian stan #tfatws #mcu #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff

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maplecornia · 3 years ago

Text

Our Story Won't End

𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 13.1K

𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: Bangchan x female!oc | Jisung x female!oc | Jeongin as oc's brother | Felix as Bangchan's brother | Hyunjin as Bangchan's best friend

𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: HELLA ANGST, f2l, slowburn (I think?)...and more angst, plus a little romance her and there, but mainly angst

𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: When she lost her memories, she was broken, searching for something she didn't realize she had been missing. What hides behind the forgotten memories of the past? Is love enough for her to let go and finally move on?

𝚊/𝚗: Hi everyone! And welcome back to the place where I enjoy torturing myself with hella angsty fics such as this one. As you can tell, I am perfectly fine and stable ^^

All jokes aside, I really hope you guys like this fic, even though I came up with the idea a couple months ago, I really like it (despite the angst) and I think it has a good message and meaning behind it. So I hope you like it just as me and feel MY PAIN.

Also, this complies with the @ficscafe exchange event so I wanted to write a little message to my person, @crispy-chan

Hi Jas! I hope you like the fic I prepared for you, I worked really hard on it, so even though it's a little long, I hope you still enjoy reading it. I tried to include as much of your preferences as I could, but it winded up being very angsty so I apologize for that ;-;. In any case, don't feel any rush to read it, I enjoyed writing it, and I just hope you enjoy reading it (despite how sad it may be).

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: angsty | very angsty | did I mention the angst | please beware caution, this might make you sob and question why you decide to put yourself through situations that require your to sob | okay it's probably not that bad, but I just want to warn you | some spoicy scenes, but no smut...and really it's probably only one spicy scene | plus it's not even that bad | bad jokes and forced laughter because I tried really hard to create some lighthearted fluff amongst this depression show | extemely awkward moments because OC is a awkward person who doesn't know how to act around people | just kidding she's not that bad | mentions of bl**d and fire | some slight mentions of depression and dealings with trauma | mild language | there's really only one cuss word tbh lmao

𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚜: @crispy-chan | @kookaine | @nikiskies | @doievoir | @hyuckworld

(yeah i randomly tagged some people because i want to brag, so sorry for the disturbance...BUT LOOKIT WHAT I DID)

I remember flashing lights, broken glass, the sound of someone calling my name.

But I can't remember who. I can't remember his face, I can't remember his smell, I can't remember the way he used to hold my hands.

It's all blank, gone.

As though it never happened.

As though the slate had been wiped clean.

They say I was in a terrible accident, every day they remind me that it’s better to forget. That it’s better to move on, be grateful for the life you’ve been given.

Even though I have forgotten half of it.

And though they tell me not to worry about what I have missed, I can tell that they want me to remember. I can see it in their eyes when they look at me, the way they talk to me. They expect me to know who they are, they want me to know who I am.

Who am I?

Piper.

Wincing, I hold my head as it begins to swim with the memory.

Who said that to me?

When was it?

How long ago?

Do they still know me?

Or did I lose them too?

I have so many questions, but nothing to help me find the answers.

Shaking my head, I step forward, trying to make it home before the swirling storm clouds above start drenching me with their tears.

I don’t like the rain, but I don’t like sunny days either.

I rather prefer it when it snows.

When everything is covered in a blanket of white, so pure and fresh almost as though the world itself were standing still. I relish the silence, the peace snow brings. You know, snow doesn’t make a sound when it falls, not like rain. Instead, it flutters delicately down from the sky, almost as though each flake were an angel sent from heaven itself.

Are you an angel?

I flinch as flashes of white powder, blinking lights, and the harsh color of scarlet run through my mind. Memories that are not mine, memories that I do not remember, images I have never seen. The world around me swirls together as tears cloud my eyes, my head bursting with unknown information, unwanted images. Nauseous, and lightheaded, I fall to the ground, my hands raking through my hair in an attempt to force them back. In an attempt to forget that which I cannot save.

And that’s when I met him.

“Miss? Are you okay?”

“My name is Jisung, Han Jisung to be exact. In case you were wondering.”

He’s nervous.

I suppose it’s comforting knowing that I'm aren’t the only one.

I smile at the way he avoids my eyes and the slight blush on his cheeks. The fact that he’s so new, with no expectations, no pressure, no false hopes, or what could have beens...It's refreshing, and I can't help but feel as though he was one of the few memories I was able to make on my own.

"I know, you told me the day we met." I smile, and he chuckles.

When he saved me on the street that day, I certainly hadn't expected him to take me home. Nor ask for my number. He said it was so I could pay him back for the kindness he had bestowed upon me, but I doubt that was the case. I smirk at the memory.

"You have to buy me coffee, then we can call it even okay?"

Even huh?

"I'm Piper. Piper Rose, in case you've forgotten." He won't understand the bitter meaning behind the joke, and that's what makes it so amusing. He rolls his eyes at my not-so-slight mockery of him and runs his hand across his face.

"Should we just order?"

I nod.

"That would be the smart decision."

We hold each other's eyes for a long time before finally cracking up in laughter.

Yes, this is fine.

This is normal.

Settling into his arms, I relish in the mere presence of him. He makes me feel safe, he makes me feel at home, he makes me feel wanted. Not for someone I can no longer remember, he wants me for who I am now.

Looking up at him, I smile softly.

With him, I don't have to worry about the overwhelming stares and expectations. I can be who I am without worrying about hurting someone I never knew I could hurt. Things aren't as suffocating as they once were, because with him I can finally breathe.

Turning away from the movie for a moment, he looks down at me, having felt my stare no doubt. I meet his gaze with a mischievous one of my own, not daring to look away.

"What is it?" he whispers in my ear, and I giggle at the strange feeling of his breath on my skin.

"Do I have something on my face?" I snort at the question and can feel it as his smile only grows bigger. "I was sure I didn't get any butter on my face...shall we test that theory?"

My eyes widening as I realize what he's going to do, I push him away before he can nestle his face in my hair. Whatever he does have on there, I don't want to be contaminating my gorgeous locks.

When I try to scramble away from him, he tackles me from behind, and falls back on the couch, his body resting gingerly above mine. I laugh maniacally, squirming underneath his touch as he draws closer and closer to my hair.

"Jisung, no! You know how sensitive my hair is!" I shriek, grabbing his face by his cheeks. I snort as I see the way it makes his face puff up like a chipmunk, his lips pursed to twice their size and his eyes shrinking to the size of a peanut. He makes no move to remove my hands, just raises his eyebrow.

"Which makesh dem de perfect candidatche fuh teshting material." He mutters while I'm still squishing his cheeks, and I can't help it, I let go, laughing so hard my sides hurt.

After puffing up his cheeks and giving me a “blowfish kiss” on the cheek, he lowers himself on the couch so that he's holding me from behind, his face nestling in the crook of my shoulder blade and my neck. I can feel his warm smile against my skin as he pushes back my shirt to tenderly kiss my shoulder. Each kiss erases my laughter and adds a touch of intimacy to the situation, making butterflies stir in my chest, a longing to hold him forever arising in my heart.

The kisses move to my neck, and I close my eyes as they near my ear, leaning back into him and placing my hands on the ones which securely hold me tight to his body. I play with his fingertips, interlocking my fingers with his as he nibbles on my ear, causing me to exhale a sharp gasp of surprise. As his hands press tighter against my body, each movement growing bolder and confident, I know that he's becoming as turned on as I am.

I carefully turn my body so that I'm facing him, my eyes meeting his in a tightly locked stare. He watches me as though I were the only thing in the world, as though if he were to look away he would lose me forever. Wrapping my arms around him, my hand caressing his cheek in a slow tender movement, I can't help but think of how perfectly our bodies fit together. Almost as though we were made for the other.

“A separate puzzle piece that had been lost, but was finally found.”

At the voice, I flinch away, and Jisung's eyes soften with concern.

Sitting up in slight panic, I look around, trying to pinpoint just who is here, but once more there's no one to be found. My heart beating fast, I clutch my hand to my chest as though that would calm it. Jisung sits up next to me and cups my face gingerly in his hands.

"Is it another forgotten memory?"

That's what we call them now, memories I cannot remember, but sometimes show up as though they were some lucid dream. I must have been shaking because Jisung pulls me into his embrace, his hands stroking the back of my neck, a technique he picked up to calm me down.

"I can never see his face, but I always remember his voice. I don't know who he is, but he's the one I see the most." Biting my bottom lip, I wonder why I feel so sad. It's almost as though I'm empty, as though I had lost something.

Strange, because I have everything I could have ever wanted.

My hands clinging to him as though he were the only thing keeping me grounded, I can feel it when my bottom lip trembles as I try to hold back my tears. His response is to hold me tighter, in times like these, he refuses to leave my side.

"Who is he?"

After I was released from the hospital, my mother gave me these photo albums. Pictures filled with my childhood, memories that have been long forgotten encased within a sheet of paper and plastic. I never looked through them before, because I never felt the need to. I thought that if I was going to remember I was going to do it on my terms, in my own time.

But maybe that was just an excuse.

Biting my bottom lip, I hesitate before lifting the lid to the box keeping the albums hidden away.

This has more to do with just me now. It concerns both me and Jisung, and affects our future. I can't live the rest of my days in constant fear of my memories. I want to continue to be happy without the baggage of the past weighing me down.

Though I try to reason my actions, I know it's futile, and in the end, I place the lid back on the box. Staring at it in confusion, I run my hands through my hair.

Why can’t I do this simple thing?

Why am I so afraid?

"Piper?"

Flinching, I stand swiftly, kicking the boxes away as I face him.

"Jisung! Are you done with your shower already?"

He gives me a look before reaching behind me and pulling an album out of one of the boxes. I swallow nervously, turning away in shame. I didn't want him to know I was trying to remember, I didn't want him thinking I wasn't happy. Glancing at him, I try to read his expression. I wonder if he's hurt, angry. But as he looks up at me, I can only see love and concern for me in his beautiful eyes.

"This is bothering you, isn't it?"

I shake my head at the question, moving to sit on the edge of my bed.

"I thought it wouldn't bother me this much, but I keep remembering things I don't remember. I just don't want to be constantly afraid of things that I don't know." I sigh as I speak, and Jisung moves to sit beside me, setting the album back in the box. He places his arm comfortingly around my waist, and I lean into the invitation, nuzzling into his hold.

"I'm sorry, I don't want you to think that I'm not happy. I am! I’m the happiest I’ve been in a while. Perhaps ever.” He kisses the top of my head at the sweet statement, and I close my eyes longing to give into the safe haven his touch bestows. “I just don't want this weighing us down for the rest of our lives."

I intertwine my hand in his, absentmindedly playing with his fingers. He leans his head against mine in response.

"I understand, Piper. This is something you have to do." He presses his lips firmly against my forehead once more, his hand sure and secure around mine as he pulls me closer into his warmth. "If it's important to you, it's important to me too."

I close my eyes and move further into his touch, his warmth. He tightens his grip around me as I do, sensing that I just need him to be there by my side. It's almost as though he's my shield, a shelter from a storm I hadn't realized I was lost in.

Because with him, I'm finally safe in his arms.

"Yeah, I'm here."

Turning to look up at the looming house, a house filled with suffocating expectations, lonely halls, and cold affection, I try my hardest not to shiver. I may not remember my past, but I don’t need memories to know I hated this place with every ounce of my being.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come? I was looking forward to meeting your family." I smile, almost imagining his pout on the other side of the phone.

"I've told you before, this isn't a family you'd want to meet. Trust me."

Besides if he came then maybe he wouldn't settle for being with me as I am now. He might want me to become the past me, a distant memory that I can't remember.

I can't deal with that again.

"Everyone feels that way about their family." I shake my head at him. He doesn't understand. I don't fully understand myself, but something tells me that if he met them, he wouldn't want to stay by my side anymore. "I'm just worried about you. I don't want you to go through this on your own."

"I'm not alone." I take the necklace he gave me when we first started going out and rub it between my fingers. I can't help but feel warm and cozy at his words, I can't help the giddy smile that appears on my face when I know that there's someone out there that loves me. "I have you right here with me."

I can almost hear the grin that erupts on his face and I can't help but chuckle to myself.

"Anyways, I have to go now. I love you."

"Love you too."

Hanging up the phone, I take a deep breath as I turn back to the house. In the back of my mind, I remember muffled screams, broken glass, tears, and pain. Swallowing hard, it takes all I have not to run the other way as I walk up to the house, my steps foreboding and reluctant.

"Piper."

At her voice, I swallow the fear inside me as best I can.

"Mother."

"I wish you would've told me you were coming sooner."

I don't answer her. Most conversations with her never end well, it's better not to start them at all. She sighs at my silence before pausing at the door to my room.

"Here it is. I haven't gotten a chance to clean it yet, but maybe it'll help you feel more at home."

Or more likely to remember.

The pit in my stomach grows larger with each passing moment. Looking up at her, at the cold eyes, the impossible expectations, I try hard to swallow the bile rising in my throat. It takes a great effort for me to smile, even more for me to respond.

"Thank you, Mother."

She eyes me for a moment longer before nodding stiffly and moving away, back to the recluse of the suffocating walls. I bite my bottom lip as she goes, my nails digging deep into the flesh of my palm.

Would it have killed you to say you were glad to see me?

Shaking off the impossible wish, I turn to my room.

Nostalgia fills me with unforgiving longing, forgotten memories of when I was young and innocent praying to be freed from the cage that binds them deep inside my brain. Do you know how frustrating it is to be around a room that screams of memories, but you can't remember a single one of them?

"This was supposed to help me feel at home?" Scoffing bitterly, I pull my suitcase on top of my bed, ready to unpack. Even if being here makes me feel suffocated and small, the least I can do is try. That's what I promised Jisung. For better or for worse, I have to regain my memories.

"Piper?"

Surprised at the sudden voice, I hardly turn around before a body pummels into me, arms wrapping tight around my midsection. I laugh as soon as I realize who it is and slowly return the hug.

"I thought you would never come back." Jeongin murmurs, his voice thick with emotion and tears on the verge of being released. I smile affectionately brushing his hair back as he loosens his grip to look up at me with those gorgeous caramel eyes.

"Of course I came back, if I didn't I wouldn't be able to see you now would I?" He chuckles as I rub his head, and when he pulls away I try hard not to feel guilty.

I can’t tell him that the plan was to never come back

I don’t have the heart to wipe that beautiful smile from his innocent face.

"Why are you back Piper? I thought being here would be..."

He doesn't have to say it, we both already know what he means.

"Well..." I sit down on my bed and pat the spot next to me, inviting him to sit down. Once he does I rub my nose with his and he giggles, almost as though he were a small kid.

"Come on Piper! You're so slow!"

I laugh as I run to reach him, scooping his small body up in my arms. Giggling he tries to pull away from me, but we're already rolling down the hill, grass and leaves tangled up in our hair.

Two careless children living life as though it were our last.

If he notices the effect the forgotten memory has on me, he doesn't show it, instead, he rubs his nose in annoyance.

"I'm not a little kid anymore Piper, when will you stop doing that?"

My eyes widen at the statement, and I peer at him, taking him by the arm in urgency.

"I used to…?"

He looks at me, almost confused but when he sees my face, his eyes slowly darken as he realizes. I bite my bottom lip, releasing him as I look away. It's not my fault, but when he looks at me like that, I can't help feeling guilty for not remembering.

We sit there for a moment in silence, an uncomfortable gap now erupting between the two of us.

"When we were little, you would rub your nose against mine because I would cry a lot. It was your way of calming me down when it was clear I was getting upset about something. After that, you did it as a greeting whenever you met me." He smiles brightly up at me, his eyes filled with nothing but love and affection. No expectations, no unfathomable questions of hope and desire. Just a young man wanting to be close to his sister again. "You called it our fox kisses."

"What are you a baby pup?"

He pouts as he sniffles, his nose growing red as tears well up in his large round eyes. I smile, the resemblance to a baby fox too accurate for me to ignore, but that gesture makes him even more upset and his lips tremble, a sob ready to burst any second.

"No, I'm n-not! Y-you're just a big meanie P-piper!"

Affectionately, I press my forehead to his before rubbing my nose slightly against his. When I pull away, he looks up at me with wide glistening eyes. I grin, glad that I was able to calm him down before wiping his tears away.

"Now I see, all you needed was a fox kiss, little pup."

I blink in surprise at the sudden memory, before turning to my baby brother as he grins giddily at me now. It's only when he brushes away the tears that have coated my cheeks do I notice I've been crying. For some reason, the fact that my brother is now the one comforting me, instead of the other way around, fills me with so much sorrow that I can't keep the tears back anymore.

"Who's the baby pup now?" he murmurs, his hands warm on my skin, and I can't help but laugh through my tears, resting my forehead on his just like all those years ago.

"Thank you, Jeongin."

I've missed him.

Looking down at my phone, I check to make sure that I've gotten the address correct. Jeongin told me it would be hard to find, but that it might hold the answers I've been looking for.

I suppose I just wasn't expecting it to be a rundown hardware store.

Staring at it now, it doesn't ring any bells in my damaged memory, not like going back home did. Definitely not like when I saw Jeongin again.

Taking a deep breath, I head inside, a bell announcing my arrival with a sweet jingle.

"Welcome to..."

The voice that sounds quickly trails off and I look towards it, a bit confused.

A young man stands there, not much older than Jeongin, with tousled hazelnut locks and faint freckles dotting his nose. He looks at me, almost as though lost in a haze, his toffee colored eyes wide with shock. When I meet his gaze, it's almost as though I'm peering through a veil, he doesn't seem to be entirely there.

"What is it, Felix?" At the sound of the new arrival, I turn my attention his way and am met with a similar reaction. However, this time it's filled with more anger than surprise. "Piper...?"

I blink in stunned silence.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" At my question, Felix's face immediately falls, and sudden tears begin to well up in his puppy dog eyes. I flinch at the reaction, wondering just what I'm missing, but the newcomer quickly sets down the box he was carrying in and rushes to Felix's side comforting him.

"I-is he okay?" I ask, but it only seems to make things worse and Felix almost sobs in his friend's arms. His friend seems to be agitated and my presence only seems to fuel the flame. He shakes his head at my question before looking at me with fierce angular eyes, almost alight with a blue flame.

"He'll be fine," he nearly growls, and I flinch at the hostility.

"Would you mind waiting a bit over there?" At the gesture towards a gathering of some chairs at the entrance, I nod, bowing a bit to them before turning to the reprieve almost gratefully.

The man takes Felix away, probably to help him calm down, and when he comes back, he's alone, two mugs in his hands. I nod towards him thankfully when he hands me one and bask in the scent of the hot cocoa. It's one of my favorite drinks to have during the winter.

As I take a sip, he watches me with hooded eyes, almost speculating my every move. Noticing the look, I awkwardly set the mug down on the coffee table separating the two of us. He must've noticed my discomfort, for he sighs, placing his mug down as well.

"I'm sorry, I suppose it was just surprising to see you after all this time." He explains, and I swallow, shifting a bit in my chair.

There it is again, people expecting me to be someone I'm not.

"I'm sorry..." I start to mutter, ready to explain my situation, but he interrupts me.

"I'm Hyunjin."

Looking up at him in surprise, I reluctantly take the hand he's offered to me and shake it pitifully. He smirks at my reaction and leans back in his chair, sipping his hot cocoa.

"I thought you knew me." I mutter, and he raises his eyebrow over his mug.

"Just because I know you doesn't mean you remember who I am. Why? Would you have preferred I just wait for you to guess my name?" I shake my head, mildly shocked at his abrasive behavior. He scoffs, brushing back pieces of his gorgeous midnight locks, and back into the ponytail he keeps tied securely at the back of his head.

"Anyway, why are you here? Don't tell me you came to buy hardware supplies." I shake my head, reaching for my mug once more.

"No, not today.” He smirks at the attempt for a familiar joke, and I can’t help but smile as well.

“Actually, my brother told me to come here," I explain to him briefly before taking a long sip out of the mug. Nearly missing the incredulous look at passes briefly on his face.

"Jeongin?"

I raise my eyes to his over the mug, interested in how he knew his name.

"Do you know him?"

A dark look passes over Hyunjin's face at my question, and he nearly glares at me.

"That little pest," he mutters, and I balk, indignation rising in my chest.

"Excuse me?!"

"I'm sorry, but I think you should go." He scowls, standing and taking my arm firmly in his grip. I nearly spill the cocoa over my pants as he pulls me from my seat, and am barely able to set it down before he drags me over to the exit. Biting my bottom lip, I yank my arm out of his grip before he has the chance to throw me outside into the cold.

"Just what is your problem?!"

He turns to me at my shout, distaste clear on his face, as those eyes narrow almost to slits. I try my hardest not to feel intimidated, but it's nearly impossible with him staring me down the way he is.

"Look, I don't need to explain myself to you. I don't need your family screwing with us again, so please gladly see yourself out."

Anger brewing itself hot in my gut, I have to strongly resist the urge to slap him across his face. Before I can get a chance to tell him off, however, I hear the same voice I heard when I first entered the store.

"Hyunjin, what are you doing?"

He flinches, his entire demeanor changing as he turns to Felix, who has just returned.

His face is flushed, eyes red with past tears. I can't help but feel an unknown guilt in my stomach as I see him. As Felix's eyes meet mine, I can't help but avoid them.

Was I the reason for those tears?

Taking a deep breath, I realize just how bad of an idea this was.

"I'm sorry for taking up your time," I mutter before turning on my heel and walking out the door.

As I reenter my room, I have to resist the urge to throw myself on my bed and scream into the pillow. I was supposed to find answers, not make some random guy cry and then deal with the wrath of his boyfriend.

Ripping my scarf fiercely off of my neck, I throw it to the side, unaware that it speeds straight towards a picture standing quite obediently on my desk. When I hear the clutter, however, I turn towards the mess and curse quite colorfully under my breath.

"Can this day get any..."

My words are cut short as I pull my scarf off of the desk, and see the knocked-over frame. My brow creasing in curiosity, I lift it, brushing my fingertips over the protective glass.

"Who are you?"

In the picture, a man holds his arms around me, a grin bright on his face; dimples embedded into his cheeks. His head rests against mine, and I seem to be laughing as I lean into his secure hold, completely at ease and content. As he smiles at the camera, his eyes are bright with happiness, affection, and love. Looking at the picture, I feel a strange comfortable warmth erupting in my chest, something that makes me feel as though I am home. As though I finally belong.

I wonder if he was a past boyfriend, but I don't remember having anyone other than Jisung. Plus this doesn't look like it could have been taken more than 2 years ago...

My eyes widening at the realization, I quickly pull the picture out of his casing, searching for a date on the back.

December 17, 2019.

My legs suddenly going weak, I fall to the ground, the picture still held tightly in my hands.

This was taken two weeks before the accident.

Two weeks before I lost my memory.

"Jeongin, I'm not so sure this is a good idea."

As he pulls me through the hospital hallways, I try my hardest not to gag. I've always hated the smell of hospitals. The overwhelming smell of disinfectant and purifiers...it's as though they were trying to rid the world of a disease that refuses to go away.

"Don't worry so much, I visit her every Tuesday, she'll be glad to see you."

I roll my eyes at Jeongin's free-spirited nature.

Does he worry about anything?

How can he just live life as though there are no consequences?

As he stops in front of a hospital room, however, I get the feeling that it's a mistake for me to be here. Staring up at the looming door, I swallow hard, trying to erase the dread that begins to blossom deep in my chest. There’s no logical reason for me to feel this way. After all, I’ve never even met this person before.

Right?

"Oh! Before I forget, I have a present for you." He says, turning to me as he starts to fish in his pocket as though searching for some hidden treasure. I raise my brow in amusement at the sight. Maybe his carelessness is all part of his charm. It is kind of inspiring to see someone living life just so he can be happy.

I wonder what that’s like, living life without any regrets.

When he pulls out his prize, my eyes widen in surprise and I can’t help but gasp.

"Jeongin, where did you get this?!"

He presses it into my hands, offering me a closer look.

"It's yours, Piper."

At the explanation, I look up at him in confusion, but all he does is smile.

"You probably don't remember, and that's okay. But I know that you're trying your hardest to find everything you lost." He points to the ring that I hold delicately in my palm and I look down at it with a quiet wonder.

"This is something you lost, I was just returning it to you."

It looks as though it's an engagement ring.

The band itself is sterling silver, lined with gold. The diamond cut has been made to look as though it were a blossoming rose and somehow, sparkling dewdrops shine within making it seem as though there were a million stars hidden in its depths. I'm almost hesitant to touch it, blinded by the beauty of its iridescence.

"Oh! I almost forgot!" Surprised at the sudden outburst, I look up, wrapping my hand tightly around the ring. "I promised I'd bring it to her today...Piper, would you mind if I ran to the car real quick? I have to go grab something, it shouldn't take long."

"Of course, do you want me to wait for you here?"

"No, you can go on ahead." As he turns to go, digging in his pocket for the keys, I take his arm, stopping him.

"Jeongin, I can't go in there." I hiss, letting go at his perplexed expression.

"I don't know her. What am I supposed to say?" He rolls his eyes as though I were being ridiculous and I have to strongly resist the urge to scowl.

"Piper, it'll be fine. Besides she's sleeping right now, you won't be bothering anyone." When he sees I'm not convinced, he pinches my nose with a soft smile. "Don't worry, I won't be that long."

Reluctantly, I nod, watching him turn on his heel and head down the narrow hallway.

Maybe he's right.

Maybe I am being too wary.

After all, it's not like I'm intruding or anything, Jeongin wouldn't have brought me here if that was the case.

Turning to the door, I take a deep breath to steady myself before entering.

The room looks like any other hospital room would. White walls, white tile, harsh luminous white lighting...The only sign of color is the wilting flowers decorating the windowsill and the bedspread which was no doubt brought from home.

Stepping further into the room, I peer at the old lady who lies in the bed, and sure enough, she's sleeping as sound as a log. Letting out a deep sigh of relief, I quietly pull up a chair next to her bed, trying hard not to wake her.

Maybe, with enough luck, she won't wake until Jeongin returns.

Sighing I turn from her to the ring I still have clenched tightly in my hands. For some reason, looking at it gives me a sense of comfort and support. Tentatively brushing my fingers over it, I consider putting it on my finger just to see how it feels. Jeongin did say it belonged to me...but who would give me an engagement ring?

"Channie...? Is that you...?"

At the sound of her voice, I flinch, nearly dropping the ring as glazed faded eyes turn my way. Unsure of what to do, I consider bolting out of the door, but when her hand rests on mine I'm rooted in place.

"Love isn't as fragile as you think my dear." Smiling, she gestures to the ring resting on my finger. "It won't break so easily."

Blinking violently I swallow hard, wondering why a sob is waiting to be released deep in my throat. Looking at her I can't help but feel an incredible amount of sorrow and pain. As her faded grey eyes search mine, they well up with tears and she smiles almost brokenly as her warm hands rest on my cheek.

"You came back, you finally came home my dear."

My lip trembling, a tear runs down my cheek, which she quickly brushes away. Her entire being exudes comfort and love, it's hard to resist her affectionate touch. Noticing the ring I hold in my palm she lets out a soft gasp, touching it gently with her forefinger.

"You still have it!"

I watch as she pulls it from my palm and beckons for my left hand. I dutifully give it to her, mildly perplexed. Slowly, her careful fingers push the ring into its rightful place on my ring finger and I sharply gasp, before looking at her with wide eyes. She smiles warmly, brushing away more tears that have appeared on my cheeks.

"Love always..."

"...holds true." I grin, looking down at my finger, now sparkling with the adornment of the ring. Her words are something I hadn't realized I'd needed, something I hadn't realized I was missing.

Is it so wrong to finally feel at home?

"Halmeoni, why are you bothering her again?" I turn to grin at him, as he walks to my side, kissing me softly on the cheek. When he pulls away I take the hand he rests on his shoulder, intertwining my fingers with it, unwilling to let him go.

"Oh, calm your horses. I'm the one who gave you two that ring. You should be grateful." At her scolding, he only laughs, kneeling before her and laying his head in her lap.

"I know, halmeoni, I know. Of course, we are eternally grateful."

At his mockery of respect, she slaps him upside his head and he flinches away from her laughing. I chuckle as he tries to return to me for comfort, rubbing the back of his head and whimpering like a puppy but I shake my head at him.

"Don't look at me, you had it coming."

My eyes widening at the forgotten memory, I turn to her, taking her hands in my own before she can pull away. I open my mouth, about to ask her something when a voice interrupts me at the door.

"Halmeoni?"

Flinching, I stand, turning to the door.

The eyes that meet mine narrow nearly to slits as he takes in the grandmother's tears and my presence. Felix looks between me and Hyunjin, obviously nervous.

I understand your fear, Felix.

The woman who stands between the two of them gasps, tears automatically appearing in her eyes as soon as she sees me. She raises her hands to her mouth, her face turning pale as though she had just seen a ghost.

"Is it really..." Felix is quick to comfort her, cooing comforting words in her ears as he tries to frantically douse a fire before it can start.

"Yes, Mom it's her but you remember what I told you? She doesn't remember. She came to town a couple of days ago." Turning to me, with wide confused eyes, I can see that he's trying hard to keep his emotions in check. "I don't know why she's here though."

I wish I was smart enough to know when to keep my mouth shut.

"Jeongin!" At my outburst the entire room turns to me, eyes wide. Chuckling nervously I silently wish I could just crawl back to my hole and die. "He's the one who brought me here..."

"Yep, that's me! What's crackalackin'..."

Smile fading and eyes wide at the sight of the people gathered in the old woman's room, Jeongin almost seems to deflate of all signs of happiness. Looking from me to Hyunjin, to Felix and his mother, and finally to the grandmother sitting peacefully in her bed, his once bright eyes go hooded and he almost visibly groans.

"Ah, shit."

"I honestly don't know why you're so mad, we didn't do anything wrong."

I wonder what their relationship is for Jeongin to be so comfortable around Hyunjin's glare. When Hyunjin grabs him by the arm, he doesn't even look fazed as he meets those furious eyes.

"You don't know what you did wrong? First, you sent her to our store, just so you could mess with Felix's emotions." I wrinkle my nose at the venom in his voice when he mentions me, annoyance rising like a virus deep in my chest. Sorry that "her" exists you rotten little-- "Then, you take her to meet his grandmother when you know full well it would deeply affect her! Halmeoni is still fragile after everything that happened, and you being here with her just makes things worse."

Jeongin scoffs, shaking his arm out of Hyunjin's grip before leaning close so that he's only a few mere inches away from his face. It's quite weird to see, however, considering the height difference...but the tension is clear in the air.

"I'm not the one who's trying to forget everything rather than dealing with it. Newsflash, Hyunjin! It wasn't her fault, so stop blaming her for your baggage!" His voice heavy and dripping with sarcasm and respite, Jeongin looks different than how he's looked before. This is a different side I haven't seen in him. He's bristling with anger, an unknown dark pit of fire alight in his normally warm and welcoming eyes.

His words clearly affect Hyunjin, who pushes him back almost viciously.

"How many times do I have to tell you?! Stay out of our lives!"

At his roar, Felix rushes to get in between them, pushing Hyunjin away from Jeongin as though sensing things are about to reach a peak that doesn't need to be climbed. Inwardly, I thank the heavens that we've moved outside. I don't want that old grannie to be seeing all of this, even if she isn't exactly here at the moment.

Jeongin scoffs, rolling his eyes and smiling almost bitterly.

"Fine, we'll stay out of your lives, but I won't stay away from halmeoni! Like it or not, we're a part of her lives too! She told us there was always a home where she was!"

Her hand wraps tightly around mine, her faded lips spreading into an almost goofy grin as she holds me close.

"My home is now your home. Always and forever my dear."

Hyunjin growls, literally pushing against Felix just to reach Jeongin, but all he does is meet his approach with disdain, almost near hatred.

"You don't get to call her that!"

Finally growing tired of it all, I join Felix amid the argument, standing in front of Jeongin, and meeting Hyunjin's malicious glare with one of my own.

"Don't talk to him like that."

At my sentence, he almost smiles cruelly, a dark look entering his eyes as he pushes Felix away approaches me. Narrowing my eyes his way, I raise my chin, readying myself for anything he has to throw my way.

"What do you know? You can't remember anyone or anything, but you just decide to come back into our lives after ruining everything?! What are you even doing here Piper? Why did you come back?!"

Everything that I had been hiding for the past couple of weeks, everything I've been trying to ignore seems to erupt as soon as Hyunjin says those words.

"I'm trying to remember okay?!"

He blinks in surprise, stepping back a bit, his eyes wide with shock.

Almost a sense of vulnerability.

"What?"

Looking between him and Felix, taking in their eyes hungry and desperate for an explanation, a sign of hope, I take a breath before continuing.

"I keep having these memories, memories I don't remember having...I feel as though I'm missing something. Something I need. As though there was something I was supposed to remember but I can't!" My voice coated with emotion, and my chest constricting itself so tight around my heart, I have to gasp for breath just to make sure I don't fall apart right then and there.

"Look, I didn't mean to lose my memory. I didn't come back to ruin your lives, I just want to find out who I am! And that lady in there, she was the closest I got to figuring it out. The only thing I have now is this ring and this picture and I--"

"Wait, what?"

I blink back the beginning tears, surprised at the sudden interruption and I turn to Felix who's staring at me with a perplexed expression. Stumbling over my words in my shock, I pull out the picture I found last night and hold it out to them. Jeongin peers at it as well, looking just as confused as Hyunjin and Felix. Felix looks to Jeongin, handing him the picture so he could have a closer look.

"I thought your mother got rid of all the pictures."

Jeongin bites his bottom lip in concentration as he examines the picture before looking up at me.

"Yeah, I thought she did too."

I search their faces, hoping that they'll let me in on the little secret but when it's clear they won't, I let out a deep sigh.

"What are you three talking about?"

However, before I'm barely able to get out my question, Hyunjin is already ready with a question of his own. He looks at me with those fierce eyes, at the moment unreadable and standoffish. I never knew honeydew eyes like his could look so cold and unwelcoming.

"Do you want to see him?"

When it's clear I don't understand, he turns the picture, pointing to the man who stands beside me. I look up at him, my heartbeat increasing rapidly. I don't know why I'm so nervous, or why I don't believe I can see the man anymore.

Nevertheless, I slowly nod.

"What?! No, Hyunjin, you know that taking her there will be too much of a shock. We don't want to damage her mental state any more than it's already been hurt."

"What do you suggest we do, Jeongin? This is the only option left. And if she really wants to remember she should be willing to do anything." I nod, for once agreeing with the crazy sociopath, and I swear he smiles at the sight of it. However, it vanishes just as soon as it appears and I wonder if I had just imagined it.

"I agree with Jeongin, Hyunjin. I'm worried, if we just dump it on her all at once, wouldn't she be deeply affected?" Hyunjin sighs at Felix's worries and gnaws at the inside of his cheek as though he was being scolded for something he didn't regret.

"I won't let you take her there, not yet," Jeongin tells him, almost firmly as though it were his decision to make. I look towards him, opening my mouth to be ready to scold him, but Hyunjin beats me to it.

"You can't stop me either."

And with that, he takes me by my hand, and pulls me away, towards his car. Felix and Jeongin call out behind us, shouting for us to stop, but Hyunjin acts as though he doesn't hear them. After a moment, I glance behind me to find that they're chasing after us.

Peering at Hyunjin as he reaches his car, opening the door and nearly throwing me inside, I swear I spy a ghost of a smile on his lips. A childlike glint inside his eyes. He quickly slams the door once I'm buckled in safely, and zooms to the other side.

Even with everything that happened, it's as though I'm watching a small child laughing as he ran away from his parents. As though this were merely a game of tag, and he was winning. At the thought, I wince as a ruthless stab tears apart my heart.

When was the last time Hyunjin laughed?

When was the last time he cried?

Is it my fault he's only filled with anger and hatred?

As he starts the car, pulling out of the driveway, and away from our friends, I can almost swear I hear him laugh to himself. A joyous laugh, almost as though he were a toddler playing in the snow for the first time.

And it nearly makes me cry.

The drive is quiet, Hyunjin doesn't look at me much, doesn't even meet my gaze once. He's completely focused on the road, as though refusing to acknowledge any distractions...including me.

You know, this place is supposed to feel strange, almost foreign. But these past few days, I've only been reminded of the things I've lost. The people I've affected, a strange nostalgic feeling, almost like deja vu. As though this were the true place I belong.

Was it a mistake for me to run away?

Turning to Hyunjin, I shake my head clear of the thought.

No, I did the right thing. He's the perfect example of how my presence here can only bring pain to the people I once knew.

"Hyunjin. I'm--"

"Don't." At his sudden dismissal, I look his way only to find his jaw tightening at the mere sound of my voice.

"Don't say you're sorry." My eyes widen as he glances my way, his eyes filled to the brim with a dark form of pain that I can't put into words. "Not until you remember what you're sorry for."

Biting my lip, I turn away, pressing my cheek against the cold window as I watch the beginning flurries drift from the sky down to the earth. I smile softly, reminded of the day when I first met Jisung. I know it wasn't snowing when I first met him, but the thoughts of snow were on my mind, and when I was lost within them he was the one there to save me.

I wonder if it will still be snowing when I return.

When I see the tombstones, however, I'm brought out of my thoughts and sit up straight in my chair.

"Hyunjin...where are we?"

He doesn't answer me, just pulls inside the cemetery. The tombstones growing around us as though they were a plague unwilling to be cured, I swallow hard, having to turn away from the window.

I've never liked cemeteries. You might call me a child, but it has nothing to do with ghost stories or death. To be honest, I don’t know the reason behind the fear myself. But every time I'm around one, a sick feeling of despair erupts in my chest, and it takes me a while to recover.

When Hyunjin pulls in front of a patch of gravestones, I have to try my hardest not to hyperventilate, my chest constricting almost as though a snake were debating whether or not they want to choke the rest of my life from me.

"We're here." He mutters, and if he notices my struggle he either doesn't care or pays no mind to it. He exits the car, slamming the door shut behind him. Flincing, I release a shaky breath, trying to compose myself. It takes me a while for my hands to fumble open the door and step out into the cold winter air, but once I do, I follow closely behind him.

"Hyunjin, why are we at a graveyard?" I hiss, almost as if I spoke too loud, I would disturb those resting there.

"This is where he rests."

At the sentence, a cold feeling of dread snakes its way into my body through my veins. It grows worse as Hyunjin draws closer to a tombstone adorned with a collection of snowdrops and pansies, one of the few flowers that stay in bloom during the winter.

A sob rising in my throat at the sight of the tombstone, I don't realize I'm avoiding the name engraved into the stone. Every fiber of my being is telling me to run away, far away. Everything inside of me is screaming that whatever truth lies before us will ruin me.

As we reach the tombstone, Hyunjin kneels before it, pressing his forehead against the stone as though he were greeting a long lost friend.

He looks so beautiful at this moment.

Drops of snow dappling his hair as though he were wearing a crown, his pale skin resembling porcelain in stark contrast to his red lips and dark hair. His long eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as the snow almost turns them the same white color as the snowdrops adorning the grave. And when he opens them, they are filled with such overwhelming sorrow that cannot be described in mere words.

Pain in the rawest of forms, blossoms on him like a snowdrop blossoms in the harsh blanket of snow.

When he stands, he turns to me, looking the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. It attacks my heart, almost makes it break into a million pieces.

He nods to me, and I know what I have to do, what I need to do to remember.

I may not understand everything. I may not know who he is, nor how he got here, but the despair, the sorrow I feel...

That has to be real.

Taking a shaky breath, I turn to the tombstone, kneeling before it just as Hyunjin did. Raising a shaky hand I press it against the faded stone before opening my eyes to read the name engraved there.

Bang Christopher Chan.

Sudden memories bombard my brain, voices swirling around in my ears, a roar rising that is too loud to ignore.

Not anymore.

Memories of his smile, fragments of his laugh. His eyes, his lips, his hair. The feeling of his hands on mine, the comfort when he would hold me and whisper sweet nothings into my ear. Moments of happiness that I thought I had lost the day he left.

The day we first met.

"Are you an angel?"

I scoff, giving him a look over my shoulder.

"Don't make me hit you."

He just smiles, a smile that brightens his entire face despite the dirt, makes him look younger than he is. A smile that stuns me into silence.

"My name is Christiano Bangnaldo, but you can call me Bangchan."

I sputter out a laugh at his name, and he laughs along with me, his grin deepening his dimples and turning his eyes into crescent moons.

"I'm Piper."

The day he told me he loved me.

"Whenever I'm on my own, I feel lost, but with you, I'm found." Glancing my way, he smiles at my expression. A smile that attacks my heart, makes me wonder if there's anyone as perfect for me as he is. "It's like we're pieces to a puzzle, and I was a separate piece that had been lost, but with you, I was finally found."

The day he knelt on one knee and we made a promise to last for the rest of our lives.

"I love you, Piper. You know that."

When he kneels, I have to try my hardest not to cry. He smiles at my expression, wiping away a lingering tear. My heart feels like it's about to burst with happiness that I don't deserve, that I never will deserve.

"And I want to continue loving you for the rest of our lives."

A ring placed on my finger, the same ring that rests there today.

I choke as more memories cram themselves into my broken mind. As pieces of the puzzle piece themselves together. Memories of him and me, memories I should've never lost but had forgotten for the longest time.

Flashes of time spent with Hyunjin, Chan's best friend and my longest one. Lovable and playful moments spent in his family's hardware store, restocking the shelves and dealing with crazy customers. Paint wars, and endless teasing.

Moments with Felix beside me, offering me comfort when Chan wasn't there. His sweet words and advice which made me believe in myself again. Letting me know that I'm not as lost as I thought. That there are still people who are there beside me even when I feel alone. Baking matches spent in the kitchen, gentle words, and kind gestures.

Memories with Jeongin, reliving the moment I first saw him in my mother's arms. The way he wrapped his tiny hand around my finger. The moment I realized that I would never leave him alone in a house too big and too suffocating to be happy. Rolling down hills, leaves and sticks tangled up in our hair, fights and fox kisses, love and support for the other until the end of time.

And then it comes back to Bangchan.

It always comes back to him.

A summer romance starting when we were kids and returning once we had grown. Now more aware, but still lost. Struggles with finding who we were and what we meant to the other. Fights of jealousy, and tears when we were misunderstood, but above all a burning passion of love for the other. One that always brought us back to the other.

Picnic baskets, and sunny summer days.

Springtime and the smell of roses dancing in the air.

Fall and the smell of brisk winds, apple pie, and cider.

Days and seasons which hold traces of him in my heart.

Moments that I cannot think of without thinking of him too.

Then the memory of snow. Heavy snow, showing the beginnings of a storm. The darkness of a cold winter night, but this time we were not inside warm in front of the fire, instead we were in a car, driving fast down the snow-ridden roads. Away from a life of suffocation and fear and towards a life where we could be happy without the pressures of our family weighing us down.

The memory of when I lost him.

"Chan, look outside," I murmur, smiling softly at the sight of the snow. "It's snowing."

He looks at me, an affectionate smile resting on his face. He looks at me almost as though I were the most precious thing in the world. I feel the stare hot on my back and I turn to him, raising an eyebrow.

"Watch the road, Sir Bangnaldo." He laughs the same childlike laugh that made me fall in love with him, and I turn my face, unable to suppress the grin that appears.

Though the storm rages cold outside I can't help but feel warm and safe when I'm next to him. I can't help but feel as though I'll never be hurt again as long as he's by my side. Maybe I'm being naive. Maybe I'm stupid to believe that true love exists.

But all I need is the ring on my finger, all I need is the memories in my brain, all I need is him by my side. Turning and admiring him as though he were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, I smile softly to myself.

He may not be perfect, but he's perfect for me.

And that's all I ever need.

My eyes dazedly trailing from his face and to the world outside, they widen as I see it.

A deer tromping through the woods and straight towards the car.

Towards Chan.

My warning shouts before I can even hear it, and Chan, surprised, swerves the wheel, missing the deer. Instead, he hits an icy trail on the road, and the car spins off out of his control. I press myself tight against my seat, closing my eyes tightly as my hand blindly reaches for his, just so I can know he's all right.

I'm never able to reach him.

Chan tries his best to regain control of the vehicle, but before he can, it rams right into a tree on the side of the road, the impact throwing me forward with such force that I hit my head on the dashboard.

The airbag was too slow to catch me.

I don't know how long I was out, the world turned dark for only a few moments, but when I woke up it was to Chan's voice.

Drowsily, I blink open my eyes, a faded view of Chan in front of me. His eyes are wide, and filled with frantic fear. I can hardly hear him over the roar in my eyes, but it's clear he was saying my name.

"Chan...?" I croak, allowing his gentle hands to raise my head off of the dashboard, and onto his chest as he reaches and struggles to unbuckle my seatbelt. Still delirious, but the roar quieting to a gentle lull, I smile nuzzling into his warmth.

"You're here."

"Yeah, yeah I'm here baby I'm here." He nods, his voice frantic and coated with heavy emotion. I wonder why.

Why is he so scared? And what is this wet stuff in my hair?

Concerned even through the numbing pain in my skull, I look up at him and see that he's crying. My heart breaking at the sight of his tears, I raise my hand and struggle to wipe them away.

"Chris...why are you crying?"

He shakes his head, biting his bottom lip, as his cheeks become wet with tears. I can feel a sob start in my chest, my eyes welling up with tears as I cling to him. Somehow, I know this may be the last time I see him. Almost as though I'm a child, I don't want to let go of him.

"Christiano Bangnaldo, you better tell me what's wrong right now." I whimper, my lip trembling at the nickname.

The first inside joke we shared. Will it also be our last?

He swallows hard, pressing his head against mine as he finally undoes my buckle, his hands now holding my body close to his. His tears run down his cheeks in waves, and I find that I'm also sobbing, my hand clenched tightly around the fabric of his shirt.

The cold from outside is creeping into the car despite the fire starting to catch around us. As I cling to him, I shiver violently. Normally, every time I hug him, all there is is warmth and comfort. He's still warm, he still comforts me, but the chill that clings to me and my bones isn't a chill that belongs to the storm outside.

"It's because it's time to say goodbye." He answers me, his hands stroking the back of my neck. A gesture he learned to help me calm down.

I never realized that until now.

In a moment, I recognized all the things he did for me.

The way he lived for me to be happy.

Just as I had lived for him.

I shake my head violently, tightening my grip around him as he tries to push me away.

"No! I won't leave you, I won't leave you alone! If you're going to die, I want to die with you." I can feel it as he starts to shake, his sobs almost transferring themselves into my body, creating a deep sorrow I never thought I was capable of. My soul is slowly breaking, slowly tearing away piece by piece with every moment that he distances himself from me.

Preparing me for a life without him by my side.

A life I don't want.

"You have to, Piper."

He places his hands on my cold cheeks, wiping away the tears that refuse to stop running. His own eyes are sparkling with tears, as though trying to turn them into a sea of sorrow and despair.

"Besides, I'll be right behind you okay? Trust me, everything is going to be fine."

My lip trembles as I wrap my hands around his for the last time, and I slowly nod.

My head is pounding, my instincts screaming at me to get out of the car, to find help before it's too late. I don't notice that it's an empty promise. I don't notice how the car has caved in on his legs. I don't notice that even if he wanted to, he couldn't follow me if he tried.

Instead, I'm filled with hope. Naive hope, broken hope. Hope that if I let go now, he'll be able to follow me and then we can be happy together. That this is just a minor bump in the road.

But as he pulls me in close for one last kiss, the taste of salt and iron clear on my tongue, I can't help but sob. Even in my damaged delirious state, somehow I know that I may never see him again. Somehow, something deep within is screaming at me to hold him tight in my arms for just one more moment.

One more second, one more smile, one more kiss.

When I pull away from him. When I no longer feel the warmth of his touch. When I stumble out of the car and quickly hobble a good distance away, I am still filled with the thought that he's right behind me. I'm still filled with the hope that when I turn around I'll see him standing right behind me. That he'll take me up in his arms, hold me and comfort me and tell me that we're safe, that we're going to be okay.

But then my legs can no longer carry me. I fall to the ground, the injury to my head blurring my vision, blood painting the snow red. Then I turn back to the car, my heart hoping to see him running after me, ready to wrap me up in his arms...

But no one is there.

Panic rising in my throat, despair dropping my heart to the bottom of my stomach, I scramble in the snow trying to stand and run back to the car. Pull him out of the car and back into the safety of my arms.

"Chan!" I call out, as though it would magically make him appear.

"Christopher!" I try to stand once more, but the rest of my body has gone numb, and I fall face first into the powdery snow.

"Ch-Christiano...Bangnaldo..." I whimper, pulling myself forward by my arms. I can't feel anything, my body is numb with cold. My heart frozen with despair. The tears freezing on my cheeks just as soon as they warm them.

As I raise myself once more to try and shakily run towards the car, the timer of our lives together has finally run up and it blows, a blast of hot gas and fire propelling me back away from the car.

Away from Bangchan.

Away from my future.

My vision blacking in and out, I'm just barely able to angle my face towards the car, towards him.

"No..." I mumble, my body numb with pain and sorrow as I reach towards the car. Towards him.

"C-come back...Please d-don't leave me..."

But he's gone.

And the hollow fact repeats itself in my head over and over and over again as though it were a siren meant to remind me of my pain. A crack that no amount of time or love can ever be able to fix.

When I blackout, that is the only thing I'm aware of.

Pain and the cold of the unforgiving snow.

"Piper! Piper, snap out of it!"

It's cold, my cheeks are wet with tears.

I should feel fatigued, I should feel tired, worn out.

But I've never felt more aware.

Turning to Hyunjin, I look up into his worried eyes. He flinches when I do, and in the back of my mind, I wonder what my face looks like for him to react the way he did. Breathing heavily, I accept his help for me to stand, but almost just as quickly, I turn from him without another word.

If he calls out for me to come back, I don't hear him above the roar that rises violently in my ears. I stumble numbly, wincing each time my shoes crunch in the snow, only reminded of everything I lost.

Of everything I forgot.

The tears seem to be never ending, as though my sorrow refuses to let me forget again. As though I'm destined to be stuck in this pain for the rest of my days.

When Hyunjin realizes where I'm headed, he runs desperately, trying to stop me before I reach the car. Luckily, I've had enough of a head start so that even in my current state, I'm able to get in and start the vehicle before he's even halfway there.

I don't know where I'm driving, I let my mind take over. Speeding down the icy streets, tears blocking my vision, and sorrow taking a deep plunge into my heart. I scream as though that would compensate for everything I had given up. I scream for everything that I have lost, for everything that I can never get back no matter how many tears are spent over him. No matter how much sorrow I feel at his absence in my life.

How could I have forgotten him? How could I have forgotten everything?

He was supposed to be mine.

We were supposed to be each other's half.

The missing piece to complete the other.

What am I supposed to do now that he's gone?

How am I supposed to fill the aching hole that has now erupted in my chest?

The sky darkens as I speed out of town, down the back roads, down the icy streets, down the same path that we traveled that night.

That was supposed to be a happy night. A night where we could finally be together and be happy. A night where I didn't have my mother forcing her life down my throat. A night where I finally escaped the brutalities of that household, where I finally left everything behind and would be by his side forever.

It was supposed to be ours.

My eyes widening as I see a deer dashing across the street, I slam the brakes, skidding to a stop just in time. Breathing heavily, I look up above the wheel to see the deer staring at me with wide doe eyes. They're frightened, scared, but she can't move. The lights have her stuck in one place. Blinding her from any other aspects of reality.

Swallowing hard, I slowly turn off the car's ignition, the headlights blinking off. The doe blinks almost as though waking from a dream. She regards me with feigned curiosity, but after a moment, she continues on her path, heading back to the safety of the woods. Back to what is familiar, what she knows by heart.

Shaking my head, I step out of the car, pocketing the keys and closing the door shut behind me.

This is the place.

This is where my world fell apart.

Looking around, I realize that the trees have grown since then, the path has become smoother, the snow not nearly as heavy.

Things have changed since then, haven't they?

As I look around, I recognize the spot where the car crashed, the tree still scarred with the burn marks from the fire. My lips trembling, I walk over to it, placing my hand on the trunk.

Why do I feel closer to him here than at the place where he is buried?

Choking on my sob, I turn to the road, a patch of freshly fallen snow covering up the blood, covering the burns that were left on that night. The very same markings that have now secured their place deep in my heart.

If only a broken heart could be so easily mended.

Sniffing, I fall to my knees on the snow, the place where he died.

The place where I left him.

Carefully lowering my body into the cold blanket of snow, I lie where he would've lied. I place my head where he must've cried. I bury myself in the snow where he said his last goodbyes.

Where he was lost to me forever.

"Please come back to me." My voice breaking off into a sob, I shake with despair as I nuzzle my head into the snow. Perhaps trying to find the same warmth and comfort he offered to me without fail every time I needed him. Curling into a ball of my sorrow, I lie there amongst the tears and the snow, the relentless cold unable to compete with the anesthesia my heart now knows.

When I wake, it's not to the cold.

Instead, it's to the warmth of a home. the smell of nostalgia and memories. A smell of family and love. A smell that you always find yourself craving, but can never describe when others ask.

Drowsily pulling myself out from the comforting warmth of a multitude of blankets, I look around the room. It seems as though I'm in an apartment, the crackling of a fire no doubt to blame for the cozy aura. As I take in more of the room, scattered piles of books, a coffee table in front of a widescreen TV, a comfy sectional couch circling the living room...

"Recognize it?"

Surprised, I turn to Hyunjin, who's bringing me a mug, and by the smell of it, it's filled to the brim with hot cocoa.

"It's Chan's apartment, isn't it? The one you two shared ever since you were in high school." He nods, handing the mug to me as he settles on the couch next to me. "Chan's father kicked him out of his house because he didn't want to follow the path his father laid out for him. You were already living by yourself since your family lived in Seoul, so you offered to share it with him."

The two of us share a smile, and I realize that this is the nicest he's been to me the entire time I've been here. It's also the closest I've felt to him since being here. I smile to myself.

Maybe it's out of pity.

Or maybe he doesn't have to feel guilty anymore for remembering when I forgot.

"That's the reason isn't it?" I mutter to myself, and Hyunjin turns to me, a bit confused.

"You didn't want to burden me with the pressure of expectations. That's why you kept me at a distance. You were trying your hardest to make things easier for me." His eyes widen at my revelation, and his face flushes as he turns away, not answering me, but it's enough to confirm my suspicions.

"You know, you're too easy to read." He rolls his eyes at my slight jab his way, elbowing me playfully.

"Just finish your cocoa."

We sit there in silence, just watching the flames chase each other in the fireplace as they devour the wood that keeps them alive.

Slowly dying but enjoying every moment of their life while they still can.

"How did you find me?"

He sighs, setting down his cocoa before answering me.

"Felix and Jeongin. They caught up to us right before you sped off. Jeongin was part of the party that found you and Bangchan that night, so he guessed where you were and we were able to find you before you froze to death."

At the explanation, I can't help but shiver, wrapping the blankets tighter around me. The cocoa suddenly tasteless, I place it next to Hyunjin's on the coffee table.

"I'm sorry Hyunjin." He looks my way, surprised at the sudden apology, but when I turn to him with a tear-stained gaze, he visibly flinches, his face going pale.

"Geez, Piper. You know I'm not good with tears." I chuckle, shaking my head. He's right, even when he got his first girlfriend, he wasn't able to handle it when she cried. Hyunjin may seem a bit cold, but really he's a big sweetheart. He just doesn't know how to express it at times.

"Besides, you have nothing to be sorry for."

I smile at the comforting words.

And above it all, he's incredibly kind.

"By the way, your boyfriend called you." At the mention of Jisung, I flinch, a newfound dread creeping its way into my heart. "I answered and told him what happened. He'll probably be here in a couple of hours."

I groan, holding my head in my hands.

Somehow, Hyunjin talking to Jisung doesn't wind up panning out well in my mind.

"This may just be my narrow-minded opinion, but he seems a little stuck up. No offense Piper." At the snide comment, I burst out laughing, a little shocked to find my suspicions so quickly affirmed. He chuckles along with me, his laugh never failing to spread the smile on my face and chase all my worries away.

Glancing up at him from between my fingers, I realize something.

"Pipes."

At the nickname, he turns to me and I meet his wide eyes with an affectionate smile.

"You used to call me Pipes." It's his turn for his eyes to well up with tears, and his lip trembles as he struggles to keep them back. I blink rapidly, swallowing hard and struggling to gain my composure as I continue.

"I hated the nickname because it resembled the shoots of metal that transported our turds out to the ocean." At my bizarre explanation, he snorts between his tears, and I bite my bottom lip in an attempt to keep back my triumphant grin. "But you would always call me that no matter how many times I'd argue with you about it."

Wiping away his tears and gaining his composure after his giggle fit, he looks up at me, his beautiful hazelnut eyes shining with affection.

"So you really do remember everything."

I nod in response, before sighing and leaning my head against the back of the couch.

"Oh Hyunjin, what am I going to tell him?"

At my question, he sighs, knowing exactly who I'm talking about without me having to say the words. Picking up his mug, he shrugs, taking a sip before responding.

"Nothing..." I almost whip my head up to give him a look, but he rolls his eyes indicating that he's not finished.

"If you want. Everything if you need to."

I turn away, looking at my hands, as though they would hold the answers I need.

As I do, I catch sight of the ring still secure on my ring finger. My heart jumping as I realize I’m still wearing Jisung’s necklace, I have to choke down another sob rising in my chest as the crack on my heart deepens.

"It's up to you Piper. Nobody else can live your life but you, so you have to make the best decision for you to be happy."

Almost forlornly, I turn to the ring, touching the delicate diamond rose as I’m reminded of a time where this was the most important thing. Where if I was without him I would be lost forever.

"Whether that choice is to hold on..."

But I was wrong.

"...Or let go. It's up to you to make it."

Someone did find me.

And this time, it wasn't him.

Pulling the ring off of my finger, I catch sight of the hot cocoa mug sitting obediently on the table. Smiling to myself I place the ring beside the mug, trying to ignore the lump that rises in the back of my throat. Letting go, no matter how healthy the decision is, is never easy for someone to do.

"You know, I never liked hot cocoa."

Hyunjin watches me as I stand, walking over to the window. Outside, it's snowing. Turning the world white as soft powder creates a blanket of ice and cold to cover it in its relentless stupor, ridding the earth of any signs of life and fertility.

"I don't like snow either. It's cold and unforgiving."

"I know, it was a major personality trait for you," Hyunjin says from behind me, and I chuckle at the thought in the back of my mind.

A reason why I will never be separated from him.

I couldn't even if I wanted to.

"What is it?"

Pressing my hand against the cold glass, I smile as I watch the snow dance peacefully as it finds its place on the ground. Not one like the other, but all meant for a single purpose.

"It's Chan."

You're my missing piece, I suppose that's why I will never be able to forget you. Why you never really left my thoughts even when I was lost and alone.

"He loves the snow."

You've already made your mark on my heart long before I was ready to let go.

I won't say goodbye to him. I don't know how.

But at least I know that I can let go, without feeling any more pain.

For he'll always be a part of me, as constant as the winter snow.

thank you for reading! this was a really hard fic to write, but even though it's sad I hope you guys still like it nonetheless. I can't tell you how many times I cried making it, and it's really my fault for creating it...but still.

anyways despite all the sadness I really like this fic and think it's one of my best works so I hope you guys think so as well.

anyways...

check out the Stray Kids masterlist for more SKZ content

check out my KPOP masterlist for more Kpop content, and more groups to read from

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more-stuff-of-pi · 3 years ago

Text

I’ll Fight For You

a/n: lmao i swear i’m fine, just needed good ol’ kiri to assist me in a v self-indulgent fic. also, sorry for taking forever to write something yoinks

notes: did i read through this after i wrote it? nope. we’re fucking rolling with the audacity of not even a single ounce of beta-ing. requests are open :) find my masterlist here

pairing: kirishima eijirou x fem!reader | genre: angst (w/happy ending) / hurt/comfort | warnings: abusive mother (mental/verbal), a father who doesn’t intervene | word count: 2,018

Your boyfriend was practically vibrating with nerves as he adjusted his hair in the mirror. It was artfully piled on top of his head, his dark roots making a sharp contrast against the vibrant red.

“Ei,” you smiled, “you’re gonna be fine.”

He worried his sharp teeth against his bottom lip, frowning all the while. “But what if they--?”

“They’re going to love you, Ei. Probably even more than they love me,” you joke, coming up behind Eijirou’s monstrously large form. Hero work had been both kind and harsh on him but he made it look effortlessly good. You gently slid your arms around his waist as you angled yourself so that you could still eye his reflection.

“I’m just… worried, is all.”

You cock your eyebrow. “About what, Ei?”

He incredulously meets your gaze through the mirror. “What do you mean, about what?!”

It dawns on you a little bit. “Oh, well, she’s not going to be mean to you, Ei. She knows how to play nice when it counts. And you, good sir, count.”

“That’s not as reassuring as it is worrying, you know.”

“My mother is just a little intense, babe, it’s nothing I’m not used to. Like I said, she knows how to tone it down in front of others. I’m sure tonight will be fine. I probably just exaggerate everytime I whine about her, so she’s probably not even half as bad as I make her sound,” you shrug, leaning more into Eijirou’s side.

“Baby,” he sighs, twisting a little to look directly at you, no mirror this time. His eyes are sad yet firm as if wishing you to understand that there’s no need to defend yourself with him.

You squeeze him tighter before letting go and walking to the door. “C’mon, we’ll be late if we don’t leave now.”

❁

You always forget that you don’t really ever exaggerate your mother’s behavior towards you until you’re around her again. Everything as far as introducing your boyfriend to your parents has been going incredibly smoothly. Your dad enthusiastically engaged Eijirou in hero stories, talking about Red Riot’s most recent media appearance where he was dressed in pajamas and carrying tubs of various ice creams you both had wanted to try when he dropped everything to prevent a construction beam from falling on clueless bystanders. Only one tub of ice cream had survived and luck had it that it was your least favorite flavor combination. Your mother praised Eijirou for his success and his coupling good looks at which she winked, making your boyfriend flush both at the phrase and the uncomfortable comments your mother directed at him. You winced at that, having forgotten to prepare him for the habitual talent your mother had of sexualizing anything, especially if it would ‘embarrass’ her child.

Your mother had made off handed comments throughout the whole night that you seemed to be the only one to pick up on. Your dad might have noticed a few but, as usual, he only looked at you apologetically, never interrupting his wife to stand up for you.

As much as you loved both of your parents and as much as they had their good moments, this fucking sucked.

“--not that she’s any good with that quirk of hers, of course,” your mother snickered as she brought the glass to her lips. You had become a good actor over the years in order to avoid your mother’s bullying over your ‘sensitiveness��, but something about her dismissing your hard work always immediately dismantled whatever mask you had thrown on. To cover what you know must be a crestfallen look, you give a laugh, something that could be called half-hearted at best. Your eyes remained trained on your food. “Oh come on, Y/n, that was funny.”

You chuckled again, hoping to force some genuineness into it. “Yeah--”

“No, it wasn’t,” Eijirou immediately cuts you off, voice straining with anger. You felt your face drain of blood as you noticed how tightly he was gripping his chopsticks. He was fuming. You don’t think you’d ever seen him angry before. The thought scared you. “That was just mean.”

Your mother quirked an unimpressed, subtly pissed brow at your boyfriend. “Don’t be sensitive, Eijirou. House rules: if it’s mean but funny, it’s okay.”

“As long as you get a laugh from it, it’s okay to abuse your child?” He spits at her like venom.

Your mother sets her glass down, eyes narrowing. “Excuse me?”

“You heard--”

You slap a hand over Eijirou’s bicep, squeezing so hard you wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up bruising. “It’s fine! Nothing I’m used to! I grew up on the ‘if it’s mean but funny’ rule, so it’s fine.”

The look he gave you was of incredulous anger. “No, it is not--!”

“Please, Ei. Please, just--,” you averted your eyes, ashamed of your own familiar defeat. “Just sit.”

Shamefully, you slide back into your seat, nervously smoothing out a napkin back onto your lap. Eijirou still stood beside you, staring daggers at your mother who effortlessly returned it. His fists were balled, the veins in his hands flexing with the effort of restraining himself. His jaw snapped shut with an audible clamp as he resolved himself to sitting back down.

Your dad clears his throat, more so than necessary as if the harder he did it, the better he could dissipate the tension. “Done, everyone?” No one answers him. He takes that as the go ahead to begin clearing dishes, desperately jumping at the opportunity to escape your mother’s impending tantrum. You loved your dad very much but, god, he was nothing if not a coward, always leaving you to fight your own battles. You don’t think you’ve ever won.

Your mother returns her cold attention to you, the ice starting to thicken and your mother’s hollow kindness starting to retreat along with her patience. “What are you even doing to help train your quirk, sweetie?”

Taken aback, you met her gaze. “W-what do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t ever see you doing anything at all to help. You do realize that training takes work, right? What does it take? It takes--,” your mother trailed off, flourishing both hands to motion for you to finish the sentence.

“Effort--”

“Effort!” She clapped with your word. “It takes effort! And I only want the best for you, sweetheart, which is why I’m just asking what you’re doing. From where I stand, it doesn’t look like you’re doing anything at all to help improve yourself! As your mother, your concerned mother, I’m just looking out for you, sweetheart.”

Your mind is reeling at her words. You so badly want to defend yourself, assert all of the effort that you have painstakingly put in-- but you are reminded of the precise way your mother is able to leech any ounce of power or confidence from you. You would think that was her quirk if you didn’t know any better. “Mom, I am putting effort in, I train almost everyday--”

“Do you really?” Her voice drips with venomous shock. “It certainly doesn’t look like you do,” she gestures vaguely at you, eyeing your body with a vulture’s gaze. “Maybe you should consider morning and night. Oh! And a diet change, too. You know, since the popular heroes have a specific look to them and I just want to make sure that you can fit that. Since it’s your dream to be a popular hero. Like I said, you have to be willing to put in the effort. Oh, sweetie, don’t look at me like that. You know the difficult position I’m in! Trying to encourage you and help you achieve your dreams while not seeming too enthusiastic. You’re putting that stress on me, sweetie, I’m only trying to help.”

It really was incredible how quickly your mother could erase any confidence you had. Normally, you would stand beaming, more than happy to assert yourself and stand up for yourself and others. All it took was a couple words from your mother, and you turned into a dog with its head down and its tail between its legs, fearful of its master.

Your gut sank and hatred swirled throughout your body for both yourself and her as you once again let her have power over you. “You’re right. Sorry, Mom--”

“Do you know where your daughter ranks as a hero?”

Stunned, you both glanced at Eijirou, having almost completely forgotten that he was there. Throughout her tirade, you had felt a tragically familiar loneliness, used to having to defend yourself when no one, not even your other family members, would. Used to always submitting and used to the shame that always accompanied your forced silence.

“What?” She spat.

“I asked if you knew your daughter’s ranking. I just was wondering, is all. It would make sense if you weren’t aware that she ranks in the top 30 since you were asking about the effort she puts in. I would think that that accomplishment -- at such a young age, too, might I add -- was evidence enough of the countless hours, blood, sweat, and tears that she has poured into this. The effort she’s painstakingly put in. You’re right that being a hero is her dream, and she’s a damn good one, too. Saved my life more than once with ‘that quirk of hers’,” he sneered bitterly. “And, on top of that, she’s so beautiful through and through that sometimes it’s all I can do to stare at her in awe. Your thinly veiled shaming of her appearance is never the result of a mother’s so-called difficult situation, only the result of your own insecurities.”

Eijirou suddenly stands, having finally had more than enough for one night. “The only gratitude I will ever have towards you is for bringing this wonderful woman into this world. I hope one day you’ll actually realize how amazing your daughter is and how proud of her you ought to be. Because I am. I am so incredibly proud of her and her accomplishments and the results of her efforts.”

“And who’s to say that I’m not proud of her, Eijirou?”

He scoffs. Eijirou, the kindest, most patient man you know, scoffs in your mother’s face. “Haven’t you ever heard that actions speak louder than words?”

Your mother gapes up at him, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. In that moment, she resembles a fish and you couldn’t be more pleased with that comparison.

“He’s right, mom.” You rise to join him. “I know you love me. I have no choice but to believe it because I think it would destroy me if I didn’t. But maybe someday I won’t constantly have to defend myself to you and you’ll accept the things I say without dismissing them. You always say you admire me most for my assertiveness but you shut me down anytime I use it to stand up for myself against you. And that makes you nothing but a hypocrite.” You stare her down, reveling in the confidence Eijirou gives you in this thing against your mother. For the first time, you are not alone as you fight this battle. For the first time, you have help. And for the first time, you feel like you’ve won. “Now if you’ll excuse us.”

You take Eijirou’s hand and lead him out of the house, leaving your parents to stare after you in shock. As soon as you make it out, cold air hits you like a slap in the face that harshly wakes you from a daze.

“Holy shit, Ei, did I just stand up to my mom?”

He laughs and squeezes your hand. “It was pretty manly, too.” You laugh breathlessly, still in disbelief as you push your other fist against his arm. “And you know,” he continues, “that I’m the best judge of that.”

“That must mean a lot,” you grin, swinging your linked hands between you as you walk further from your parents’ home, feeling the fullness of a good meal and a battle won.

taglist: @samwrights, @mayaoliviee, @luluwiie, @gigglyparker (i thought i would tag you since you commented on the draft that i posted of this, hope you don’t mind <3)

#i'll fight for you #kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima x reader #bnha x reader #hurt/comfort #abusive mother tw #tw abusive mother #mha x reader #bro this fic lowkey fvcking sucks lmao so sorry that this is the first thing you see from me in a while #like it just feels really rushed which it probably is but it's incredibly self-indulgent and it fulfills my purposes so it's good enough #for me that is

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drabbles-mc · 4 years ago

Text

First Impressions

Juice Ortiz x F!Reader

Request by @eversonaive : Could do a fic on the reader meeting Juice when he has the sign stuck to his chest only to find out later he is the club's intelligence officer lol

Part 2 can be found Here

Warnings: language, Juice being an embarrassed lil cutie

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: I loved writing this. Flustered Juice gives me life lmao. I hope it’s what you had in mind! I peppered in a couple other of our SAMCRO boys because why not?

Join my group-chat here: (X)

SOA Taglist: @adela-topaz-caelon @garbinge @i-just-read-stuff @multiyfandomgirl40 @masterlistforimagines @mijop @chibsytelford @xladymacbethx @kkim120 @toni9 @everyhowlmarksthedead @unicornucopia-fuckers @mayans-sauce @shadow-of-wonder (If you want to be tagged in any of my writing please let me know! xo)

You couldn’t pretend that you weren’t surprised, and a little off-put by the scene in front of you. You looked around, wondering why you felt like you were the only one who saw what you were seeing. Everyone else was walking by, minding their own business, but you couldn’t pretend that you didn’t notice.

Crouching down, you pressed your fingers gently against the side of his neck, and you were rewarded with a fairly steady pulse. Relief flooded through you, glad you weren’t going to have to report a dead body. However, you weren’t quite sure how to handle the scene in front of you.

Gently nudging him, you tried to wake him up. He let out a soft groan but didn’t fully wake up. With a heavy sigh, you shook him a little harder but weren’t able to wake him. Pressing your lips together into a thin line, you patted the side of his face. You saw his brows furrow and twitch and you knew that he was almost awake.

“Hey,” you shook him and patted his cheek again, “you good?”

With a groan and what seemed like more effort than it should’ve taken, he slowly started to open his eyes. Part of you wanted to laugh because he seemed like he was probably going to be alright, but more than anything you were just confused.

“You alright? Looks like you’ve had…a time.”

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at the state of himself. The fact that he didn’t seem shocked and appalled spoke volumes. With a quiet grunt, he forced himself to his feet.

“Do I have to be worried about you?” you couldn’t help but to look him up and down again. With a chuckle and a shake of his head he reassured you that he was fine, which did little to actually make you feel better, “There somewhere I should be take you?”

He laughed, “No. Don’t worry. Thank you for, uh, waking me up. Way better than getting kicked by the cops,” he shook his head.

“Small miracles,” you had to laugh.

“Yea,” he glanced down at the sign on his chest and you could tell from the look in his eyes that he was weighing the pros and cons of ripping it off right then and there, “I should go. I’m uh,” he gestured to the cardboard, “apparently late for my eight o’clock feeding.”

You smiled and shook your head, “Well that’s unfortunate.”

With a deep breath he pulled the sign from his chest and you both cringed. He cursed under his breath from the pain of it before folding it and tucking it underneath his arm. He gave you a lopsided grin and a small wave before turning and walking in the other direction away from you. You stood there, feeling like you should be offering him a shirt, or something to at least tie around his waist, but he seemed pretty unbothered by it all, so you let him go. You shook your head to yourself as you continued on your way, unable to believe what a weird day you’d already had.

A few days went by and you hadn’t forgotten about your run-in on the street that morning. It was a tough scene to forget. You didn’t want to believe that that was going to be the first and last time you ever saw him. If nothing else, you just wanted some closure on the situation, and you also wanted to know how the hell he ended up like that.

Your mind had wandered back to that situation as you stood outside your car waiting for the tow truck. You knew that your car was on its last leg to begin with, and that you should’ve set about looking for a new one some time ago, but you just kept putting it off. The thought of shopping for one, and then paying for one was overwhelming. You were paying for it in an entirely different way now, though. You knew that fixing whatever was wrong with your car was probably going to cost more than it was worth. So, to distract yourself from thinking about that, you thought about literally anything else as you sat half propped up onto your hood.

You’d gone to Teller-Morrow one other time, maybe twice, since you’d moved just outside of Charming. You didn’t remember anything about it, though—you were in and out quick for an oil change or something equally innocuous. There weren’t a whole lot of options for mechanics to begin with, let alone ones that would also tow. Plus you figured since they were local, it wouldn’t take them too long to get to you.

About twenty minutes later the tow-truck pulled up, and you were a mix of relieved and apprehensive. Two men stepped out, and your first thought was that they couldn’t have carried themselves more differently from each other if they tried. The taller one approached you, adjusting his beanie slightly as he did, while the other scampered around to start hooking the truck up to your car.

“So,” he walked up to you, a small smile on his face for a moment as he looked at you, “what seems to be the problem?”

You chuckled and shook your head as you clocked the name stitched into his work shirt, “Well, it stopped running. That’s about all I know, Opie,” you smiled at him.

He laughed, nodding his head slightly, “Sounds like a pretty serious issue, then.”

“I’d say so.”

He glanced back to make sure that your car had been hooked up alright, “You need to be dropped off somewhere, or you got a ride?”

You sighed, resting your hand on the back of your neck as you thought, “Would I be able to ride back to the shop with you guys?”

He nodded, “Sure thing. Long as you don’t mind Kip staring at you the whole time,” he gestured over to the man who was waiting by the door of the tow truck.

You laughed, “Staring I can handle.”

When they pulled into the lot at the mechanics, Opie got out and instructed Kip to take care of the rest. He looked over to you and gestured to the office, “Gemma will get you all set up. We’ll get it right on the lift and try to figure out what’s going on.”

You nodded, “Thank you, appreciate it.”

You knocked lightly on the door to the office and she called for you to come in. She got you all squared away with your paperwork to get everything started. You let her know that if it ended up being more than a certain amount to just not bother and scrap it, or to give it back and you would take care of that part yourself. You weren’t in a position to be paying more than the car was worth. There was sympathy present in her eyes as she listened to you, nodding along. You hated the feeling of pity but you couldn’t deny that you’d landed yourself into a bit of a hole.

She was walking you back out of the office, “We’ll give you a call when we’ve got some numbers for you, sweetheart.”

“Sounds good. Thank you guys so much.”

“Need us to call you a cab?”

You shook your head, “No, no I’ll be alright. Thank you though.”

You were walking across the lot, pulling out your phone as you did to try and figure out who you were going to call to come and pick you up. There was a sudden influx of noise and voices. And despite the fact that you heard it, you still didn’t look up.

The only thing that snapped you out of your thoughts was the feeling of someone’s shoulder bumping into yours. You looked up and both of you were in the middle of apologizing when your eyes met his. Neither of you could hide the shock on your faces as you took each other in.

He looked a lot different when he wasn’t coming out of a mild coma. And also when he was fully dressed with an MC kutte on. You’d missed out on the fact that he was handsome in the midst of worrying about his well-being the last time you saw him.

“Oh shit,” he laughed, “hey.”

“Uh, hey,” you couldn’t help but to stare at him, “I didn’t…expect to see you here. Or again in general, for that matter.”

Another man in a kutte appeared, draping his arm around the shoulder of the man that you were talking to, “Juicy,” he said, “who’s your friend?”

He wore his nerves on his face, “Um. She’s not, uh, she’s—”

You cut him off to save him the trouble, holding out your hand, “I’m Y/N.”

“Y/N,” he let your name roll off his tongue, “nice to meet you. I’m Jax,” he paused, looking back and forth between you and the man next to him, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together, “Sorry to interrupt,” you could see that he was biting back a laugh.

“No, you’re…you’re good,” you reassured him, “Nothing to interrupt. Just, um, a little surprised by,” you gestured to the two of them and to the clubhouse behind them, “all of this.”

“Well then I gotta ask,” Jax continued to stare at Juice who seemed to be getting more and more shy by the second, “how do you know Charming’s favorite Puerto Rican Intelligence Officer?”

You couldn’t stop the laugh that slipped past your lips, “Intelligence Officer?”

Jax nodded, clapping Juice on the back as though he thought he was hyping him up, “For the club, yea. Can find out anything about anyone. Also our resident tech guy.”

You chuckled, unable to lie and say that you weren’t a little impressed, “Impressive. Guess we didn’t have time to get into all that last time we met.”

“Oh?” Jax looked back and forth between the two of you, embarrassment creeping onto Juice’s features.

“Yea, he was running a behind schedule. Had places to be.”

Jax looked over at him, “Where the hell did you have to be that could’ve been more important, bro?”

Juice ran his hands down his face, knowing that he was going to have to cop to it sooner or later, “When we met I was, um…she actually…” he shook his head, “She’s the one who woke me up the other day. Made sure I was alright.”

The entire incident had clearly already faded from Jax’s memory because he looked as lost as he had been before Juice said anything. You smiled, “I made sure he eventually made it to his eight o’clock feeding.”

Recognition flashed across Jax’s face and he laughed, “Jesus. Sorry you had to be a part of that.”

“Sure, her you’ll apologize to,” Juice rolled his eyes.

“She didn’t deserve it,” Jax chuckled and shook his head, “Well it was nice meeting you, Y/N. I’ll leave Juice to try and clean up whatever mess he might’ve made.”

He walked away from the both of you and you could head him laughing to himself as he approached the rest of the guys. You and Juice stood there facing each other, neither one of you really knowing what to say.

You broke the silence, “Won’t lie to you, Juice,” it felt nice to finally be able to address him as something, “over the past few days when I’ve been trying to think about what your life was like for it to land you in that situation, this wasn’t what I had in mind.”

“You’ve been thinkin’ about me?” he smirked.

You laughed, rolling your eyes, “You made quite the impression,” you looked him in the eyes, “I’m glad you’re alright though.”

He chuckled, “Not the worst thing they’ve ever done to me.”

You smiled and shook your head, “Well that’s a little concerning.”

“Sorry you got, uh, subjected to that,” he shook his head, “wrong place, wrong time.”

You waited for him to meet your gaze and you flashed him a smile, “I wouldn’t quite say that.”

There was a light in his eyes that was so enticing, “Right. Well. I’m glad I got a chance to make a better first impression. Sort of. Maybe,” he laughed. There were a few beats of silence before he spoke up again, “What brings you here anyway?”

You nodded towards the garage, “Car broke down.”

“Shit.”

Your laugh was a hollow, “Yea. Fucking sucks. Hoping they can fix it without bleeding me dry.”

Juice thought hard about it for a few moments, “I’ll take a look at it. I’ll see what I can do, see if I can get you a deal or something.”

“Yea?” you couldn’t hide your relief.

He nodded, “Yea. Least I could do.”

“You’d really be saving my ass.”

He laughed, “Guess that would make us even.”

You chuckled and nodded, “Guess so.”

He paused for a moment, eyes glued to the pavement, “If you want, you could, uh, you could give me your number,” he looked up at you, “and I’ll give you a call when I get it all sorted.”

You smiled, “Alright. Sounds good,” you held out your hand for his phone and quickly added your number to his contacts, “Hope to hear from you soon, Juice.”

“Juan,” he said quietly as he took the phone back from you.

“Hm?”

He looked at you, “Juan. My name is Juan.”

You smiled, “Well, then, Juan, I’ll talk to you soon,” you paused and bit back a laugh, “Try to keep yourself out of sticky situations, alright?”

“Well now at least I have you to call just in case,” he smirked.

“Won’t be able to come and get you until you fix my car,” you chuckled, “So at least be careful for a few days.”

“I think I can do that.”

“Good,” you stepped in and gave him a quick hug, “Thank you, Juan, seriously.”

“It’s not a problem. I’ll, I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Looking forward to it,” you flashed him a smile before turning and continuing your way out of the parking lot.

You chanced a look back over your shoulder and saw that he was still standing there staring at you with a smile and a dreamy look on his face. You laughed and shook your head as you turned back around. There was something to be said about memorable first impressions, and something told you that you had landed yourself in an adventure when you met him. You were excited to find out what was in store.

#sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy imagine #soa #soa imagine #juice ortiz #juice ortiz x reader #juice ortiz x you #juice ortiz imagine #juan carlos #juan carlos ortiz #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc

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ajaxwrites · 3 years ago

Text

GENSHIN IMPACT FANFIC REC LIST II

(previous: part i)

Seaglass by Aevas

There was more to the contract than a gnosis and test of Liyue. It seemed like a simple deal five hundred years ago: so long as Morax never had a soulmate, the Tsaritsa would never harm Liyue and she would not get his gnosis. But the moment he gained a soulmate, all that belonged to him was forfeit. He thought the deal left Liyue safe—he'd lived thousands of years without a soulmate. The Tsaritsa would be dead and gone by the time she'd have a chance to collect.

Five hundred years later, Childe appears in Liyue, Zhongli gains a soulmate mark, and everything falls apart.

(The obligatory soulmate AU, featuring a Zhongli with PTSD, an oblivious Childe, and demon-worshipping cultists.)

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: I CANNOT BELIEVE I SLEPT ON THIS FIC FOR SO LONG. Read it and I mean it! I admitted initially steered clear of this fic because I wasn’t comforted with a soulmate tartali fic pre-Osial but this fic is actually post-Ostial *facepalm* The writing is phenomenal and Aevas does some beautiful worldbuilding that you typically don’t see in Genshin Impact fics. I love the dynamic between Childe and Zhongli here and the angst is real. The author writes the two as very human characters who makes mistakes, etc. and notably Zhongli struggles with the concept of Childe as his soulmate (who understandably is upset by the rejection when he realizes). They get better though. Also very plotty. A+ writing.

it's a hard rock life for us by reptilianraven

“Ah, no need to worry about that,” Azhdaha waves a dismissive hand. “There is no real Kun Jun. He’s dead.”

A leaf blows past and plaps onto Aether’s face.

“You killed him???” Paimon screeches.

“No,” Azhdaha scrunches his eyebrows. “He was dead when I found him.”

“And you just decided to wear his corpse?” Aether says, leaf still on his face.

He shrugs. “It was free real estate.”

“Azhdaha...” Morax says, sounding vaguely pained.

Or the one where Historia Antiqua Chapter II: No Mere Stone goes a little bit different and Azhdaha gets more time.

He ultimately uses that time to bully Morax into confronting his immortal neuroses, to make Aether and Paimon suffer, and to figure out how to get that ginger boy Morax has his eye on to make a move already.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe, Past Azhdaha/Zhongli

Notes: Very lighthearted, humor-filled fic. Love how Azhdaha is so flippant. Interactions with Zhongli and Childe are pure gold.

if there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes by moonlight_mist

Childe has a Weapon problem- specifically, that he can't keep one.

He's too reckless, too wild, and too keen on pushing his Weapon partners past their limits. He's just about ready to give up when he meets Zhongli, a Weapon who just might be the solution- so long as Childe can manage to keep his dick in his pants.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: This is a Soul Eater AU with some college/university AU vibes (?) but you don’t really need to know much about the anime. It’s a cute AU and I love the premise. Light angst but otherwise, it’s a pretty semi-plotty fic. Easter egg Kaeya and Diluc though.

To Kill A God by IlluminanceinTales

In Snezhnaya, they call them sansis—lost souls that have no guidance but themselves. It’s an apt description, given that most of the time, wannabe-Archons have to go through dozens of tests with nothing as their reference, relying solely on their wit and strength and hoping it would be enough. At least, until they survive the end of the whole game—and they might not have to undergo a painful reincarnation which feels like a hundred bones being stitched together again.

On his seventh game, Childe Tartaglia reincarnates this time in the body of a young man.

Damn, he thinks, looking down at his thin body, his slightly calloused fingers. This won’t be good when facing the other Hydro Decisions.

In a world where an Archon's position is not chosen but fought for in games, Childe Tartaglia is a Hydro Decision who's poised to become the next Hydro Archon. Of course, that's only if he survives his seventh reincarnation. All would be so much easier if it weren't for a certain Geo Archon interfering with every possible chance he gets.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: Think Hunger Games meet Political Intrigue meet Genshin Impact. Love the premise and world building that’s done. Features overprotective Zhongli and lots of Childe whump. Has one or two supplementary OCs that aren’t really important outside of plot device reasons. Warning for character death tho lmao.

Three's a Family by IlluminanceinTales

Childe finds a kid that looks just like him.

Of course Zhongli wants to keep him.

Or: How a harbinger and an archon accidentally become fathers. The kid is their wingman

Ships: Childe/Zhongli (?)

Notes: Your everyday cute AF kid fic. Fluffy as hell and super cute. Zhongli and Childe get domestic pretty quickly. Xiao gets dubbed a grandfather and begrudgingly plays along. Super wholesome.

in pitch dark i go walking in your landscape by snowbrigade

He glanced down at him, at the silvery scars peeking out from beneath his robe, and at his eyes, properly now. They were the bright blue of high quality noctilucous jade, but he could see it, an underlying darkness.

Zhongli wondered what his eyes betrayed about himself. --

Rex Lapis is dead. Zhongli, formerly known as triad leader Rex Lapis, is a detective investigating his own "death." Childe, also known as Tartaglia of the Fatui mafia, is undercover as an escort looking to kill Rex Lapis- until someone beats him to it, and he wants to know who. Goals intersecting, they form a partnership of ulterior motives.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: There’s like one scene that skews NSFW but otherwise surprisingly not explicit. Really fun AU. Like how the author addresses Childe’s reaction to being stuck with the undercover escort stuff and how the dynamic between the two develops. Pretty plotty so far.

Phantom Lines by iskendaris

“It’s a measure of one’s self, Mr Zhongli.” Childe says. “Maybe you don’t understand it since you work as a consultant, but as an ambassador from the Tsaritsa, as one who fights in her name— this is how I learn to know the measure of myself.” “I understand,” Zhongli says thoughtfully. “It is a warrior’s way, to test one’s strength against the incomparable. To find where one falls short. To find where one has risen to the challenge.”

In which Childe has insomnia, vandalizes public property and runs into a mysterious funeral consultant on his first night in Liyue.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: THE FEELS. I can only describe this as the fic where Zhongli pays Best Boyfriend Ever only to FUCK UP big time (via Gnosis deception). Poor, poor Childe. Look, he gave the boy feelings and then broke him. You can really feel Childe fall in love in this love. He also does mental swooning a lot lmao.

adventitious by Anonymous

It's said the Ley Lines remember all things that happen in this world, from the surface down to the deepest depths... But in the hidden corners where the Gods' gaze does not fall, there are those who dream of dreaming.

There's a dormant bud where Kaeya's eye once was. One day, it will bloom. (Never forget: memory is untrustworthy.)

Ships: Diluc/Kaeya

Notes: I don’t even know where to start. This is very headcanony and lore-focused. Very much concentrated on Khaenri'ah. The implications of this story is grotesque to say the least (according to this fic, Visions are the literal eyes of the people of Khaenri'ah). Warnings for eye and body horror.

Without Those Dark Memories by StrangeDiamond

Diluc awakens in Stormterror’s Lair with no memories of the past five years. Kaeya is on the trail of a rogue alchemist, with a habit of testing his chemicals on unwilling human subjects. Now, in addition to capturing the criminal, Kaeya has to shake him down for an antidote . . . and deal with an amnesiac Diluc who acts exactly like he did before their brotherhood fell apart. (Standalone Fic.)

Ships: Diluc/Kaeya

Notes: This is sort of a classic amnesia fic. I particularly really liked the way that Kaeya was written in this. I feel like the author did a really good job nailing his character and they have a way of capturing the subtle things.

Through the warmth, through the cold by strikedawn

“It’s you!” Paimon shouted with a twirl in mid-air.

“…Excuse me?"

They were drunk. Were they drunk? Was he drunk? Because Kaeya had the feeling his guests had been talking to him for a while now, but none of their words had made any sense whatsoever.

That was, until Venti stepped firmly in front of Kaeya’s desk and set his hands on the top, the better to lean over towards Kaeya and say: “For the end of the Windblume festival, Sir Kaeya Alberich, we’re going to auction a date with you.”

Ships: Diluc/Kaeya

Notes: Shortword, Kaeya gets auctioned off. Diluc makes impulsive (but good) decisions and scores himself a Date but displays an inability to do Date Planning. Venti deserves a pat on the back. Very sweet.

Hide and Seek by Kiri_Kaitou_Clover

Childe did not expect regaining his memories would bring him such frustration.

He makes the best of the situation by messing with one amber eyed consultant in anyway he can.

A reincarnated storm god wades through life in Liyue, all while screaming about one dragon god's incompetency at being human.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: Features Childe as Osial’s very exasperated reincarnation, who gets the joy of discovering that his rival/enemy Morax is not only an idiot but also broke AF. He still falls in love anyway. Contains this golden line:

"Did... did that complete blockhead really use my money in order to get me a gift that basically says that he is proposing to me?!"

(Osial was screaming. When had the other god become like this?! Had he always been like this?!)

Getting that Bread by tzitzimeme

Concubine AU where Zhongli is Emperor, Xiao is an assassin sent to kill him while disguised as a woman in his imperial harem, and the only reason he doesn't actually do it is because he pities Zhongli for being so catastrophically stupid (also Xiao falls in love).

Ships: Zhongli/Xiao

Notes: Like Xiao says, Zhongli is an idiot. Fluff and humor filled. Xiao spends a good 95% of this exasperated by Zhongli’s bullshit.

prayers for a boy by Recluse

The only way to reconciliation is fierce combat!

Hm... Come to think of it, there will be a lot of interesting news to be heard the next time we gather for drinks. Filling in the blanks.

Ships: N/A

Notes: I...don’t really know where to begin with this? It’s exactly what the summary implies...but more? I was tempted to describe this as the fic where Zhongli puts his foot in his mouth but...that’s not exactly write? I feel like this was more of a character study. It explores the aftermath of the Osial Incident and how Zhongli and Childe reconnect. Platonically...though I guess it can be read romantically.

one kind of longing, two places of sorrow by lady_peony

Zhongli's hands rest behind his back, both gloved hands clasping one another. His fingers tighten around one another for the merest moment, before he relaxes his grip.

"There is a tradition in Liyue," Zhongli says, his back still to Childe standing behind him, "of inviting out a companion to a last meal before a farewell."

A pause.

"A tradition?" Childe echoes.

"Yes."

"With a companion?"

"Yes."

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: The fic where neither of the two communicate about jackshit but go on a quiet, sad not-date before Childe leaves for Snezhnaya. Childe pulls (? on accident or on purpose, I can not tell) the equivalent of leaving the jacket in the car post-date to get date to call for the second date. Also, the author has a gift for like...writing angst...without writing angst? Like the whole fic is like brimming with everything that the characters aren’t saying but the thoughts aren’t necessarily written out BUT YOU KNOW THOSE DUMBFUCKS ARE JUST LIKE. BRIMMING WITH FEELS?

The People of Liyue by queer_occurrences

But Zhongli whispers, his low voice rooted in the back of Childe’s mind. “Changsun, the merchant, who is never too Mora-enthralled to turn away a needy child. There’s Tiantian—she will allow anyone to join the Adventurer’s Guild—she knows what it is to be desperate.”

Childe ducks away from them and hurries out over the bridge. It’s a warm, sunny day, the kind he would have complained about, whining about his delicate Snezhnayan skin. “It’ll burn, or worse, freckle. Would you still like me if I was freckled?”

Then Zhongli would say, “The people of Liyue will remember your sacrifice.” And he would wrinkle his nose.

Or: after it all goes down, Childe takes a walk.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: The author has a way with perfectly balancing angst with humor in a way that makes you cackle. There’s a lot of feels in this one. Zhongli tries communicating--Childe runs away a lot. There’s a lot of love for Liyue in this one.

cold blooded, warm blooded, hearts all the same by reptilianraven

Teyvat Petting Zoo @tyvtpettingzoo

Well would you look at that! Zhongli, our resident spinytail iguana, has gotten quite cozy with Childe, our new (and very feisty) ginger ferret! Aren’t they adorable all cuddled together like this? 😍😍😍

[Attached image shows a brown spinytail iguana curled up against a ginger ferret. The iguana’s head is nuzzled under the snout of the ferret.]

At the Teyvat Petting Zoo, Zhongli and Childe fall in love.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: ...I promise I’m not weird. This is just super cute. Cross-species love affair? Childe the ferret is very besotted. The internet is confused and the zoo keepers are just done.

a geo archon's guide to the modern era by Erina

“Morax,” Xiao says after Zhongli finishes his retelling of the incident. “He thinks you’re a weirdo.”

“No, don’t say that,” Barbatos snickers. “You’ll give him hope that this is salvageable.” He lowers his voice. “Morax, he thinks you’re a boomer.”

(In which Zhongli hibernates for centuries and wakes up in the modern world)

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: This took me, I shit you not, FIVE SEPARATE ATTEMPTS to read. Not because it was bad but BECAUSE THE SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT WAS REAL. Like, omg, just reading about Zhongli’s introduction to modernity made me want to dig a hole and die. Super funny though. Do not read in public or you will look like a lunatic. Has a...parallel (?) fic in the same series called buy two get one archon free where Zhongli gets reversed isekai’d into an anime convention.

time flies like an arrow by Erina

He’s tired, tired of the unbreakable loop of watching his loved ones pass on, tired of getting attached only for the connection to be violently ripped away from him. He wonders if the real victors during the Archon War were those who perished, who died long before their godhood turned into a curse that chained them to the land that they were fighting for.

But that is not a problem for Childe to worry about. That is Zhongli’s burden to bear, delivered to him in a pretty package years ago in the form of a gnosis.

His very first contract.

(Zhongli and Childe, across many lifetimes)

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: This is a quiet fic. It’s this kind of slice-of-life fic colored by this overpowering sense of love and loss as Zhongli remains immortal and Childe dies and lives and dies and lives for hundreds of lifetimes, but always finds his way back to his geo archon. It’s so lovely but also unbearably sad.

Tartaglia’s Favorite Professor by GreyLiliy

The famed hitman Tartaglia of the Fatui Syndicate spends his days as the charming college student Childe. The two lives remain as separate as possible in order to maintain a flawless cover to keep the authorities off his back and to better serve the Tsaritsa.

However, new intel about a rival syndicate intersects his two lives in a way he could never have predicted.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: Mafia AU meet College AU. Childe is somehow both a horny AF college student and murderous hitman. Zhongli gives off major DILF vibes. GreyLily somehow makes this work while also avoiding cringe. Highly recommended!

like a handprint on my heart by fallingintodivinity

“Strictly off-the-record,” Jean says, with a small smile, “I’m really happy to see you and Captain Kaeya getting along again, Master Diluc.”

“We’re not – we’re not getting along,” Diluc tells her, indignant. “We’re working together. Unwillingly, I might add.”

“Yes – oh, yes, of course.”

Diluc stares at Jean suspiciously. “Are you laughing at me?”

Jean clears her throat primly. “I would never.”

Ships: Diluc/Kaeya

Notes: Super, super cute! Sort of reads like a first date fic except genshin impact style? Writing style is very refreshing!

#genshin impact #genshin impact fanfic #fanfic rec #rec list #zhongli/childe #childe/zhongli #tartali #chili #diluc./kaeya #luckae #fanfiction #took a while but i have been steadily reading my way through the fandom #still not all my recs #but you can check my ao3 for what i'm reading lmao

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