#also like. i had them up 2 like 7th grade lmao i never talked to them out loud but they were there- u can make fun if u want lmao

[mangoposts]

Long ass rant about a boy

So there’s this boy that i’ve liked since 7th grade but i’ve known him since kindergarten. We became really close friends in middle school because he was in most of my classes but then covid hit and i kind of branched away from him. He would always check up on me but for some reason i would constantly give him absolutely nothing. 8th grade year i just stopped talking to him until january i actually realized that i liked him and i told my friend and she ended up telling him. We ended up texting a lot that year but one day he told me i was beautiful and i got scared and i stopped talking to him. 9th grade year I went completely mute, i don’t think i spoke a single word to him that whole year. He also started to become “cute” to all the other girls. 10th grade year he ended up being in one of my classes and we sat at a table together. We played roblox together in class lmfao (Like we use to in middle school) but of course nothing ever happened. There would be some days where he would show some signs but i am so scared of getting a boyfriend i didn’t react to them. Now it’s 11th grade year and this year i decided that i wasn’t going to wait anymore!! So legit after the first football game he scored a touchdown, (keep in mind we haven’t texted since 8th grade) I texted him good job and he responded within seconds and we started talking. In my mind i was sure i finally had him in the bag and that this would be the year we finally get together (Ppl would randomly tell me we would look good together??). Lmfao then i got left on delivered for 2 days and i was so confused ?? Like i thought this would be my year ?? Well no he started talking to one of my best friends friend (we were mutuals and would hang here and then but that same girl also had a massive crush on my brother a year prior) It was weird. She would talk about him everytime he we were in a hang out together and i would try not to flinch everytime i heard his name bc mannnn he was suspose to me mine i thought!! They broke up not long ago (Oh yeah he never stopped snapping me even when they were still dating and i would leave him on delivered for weeks) And i took that as a chance and just started snapping him more and he did too. In class we play roblox together still Lmfao. but nothing else really. He talks to me here and there but like bro i am shy. I am not talking to you first. He looks at me alot idk. I don’t know i was hoping he would maybe ask me to prom or something but he’s taking someone else ??

I’m just so bored and annoyed at myself for how long i waited for him bc now it seems like i am never gonna get him back ever and I just realized it’s all my fault

I fear you missed your shot 😭😭😭 I’ve been through the same thing before tho and i regret it all the time LMAO the only way you could fix things up is if you bite the bullet and talk to him yourself, waiting around won’t fix it

[mydarlingdahlia]

Lottie-lore below! Viewer discretion is advised. (Also this features a couple different things so strap in) I’ll be covering two different events.

Warnings: mentions of cults, r@pe/SA, racism, and other bad stuff in general

Lottie-lore event #1!

So when I was in the single digits (can’t remember exactly what age I was but I was near ten I think) I was in a casino (in Vegas cuz I used to live there) because I was waiting for my friend’s mom to pick me up for a birthday party there. (There was a movie theater and kids arcade in the casino so we weren’t using slot machines or anything)

And I was just reading a book on a bench near the entrance when this old man sat next to me. I didn’t think much of it and didn’t say anything, in order to be polite. But after a few minutes he started asking weird.

He kept trying to talk to me, but I brushed him off politely, as some of his questions/statements were inappropriate. And he just wouldn’t stop talking.

But there was one point when I pulled out my phone (yes I had a phone at a young age but it was only to text my parents I literally couldn’t do anything else), and my dad sent me a picture of him and my mom on a trip they were on. (I was staying with my grandparents at the time)

As some of you may know, my father is black. But my mother is white. (I’m mixed, it says on my pinned post if you don’t believe me) And that old geezer happened to get a glimpse of said photo, and started going off on 8-9 year old me.

He used very hurtful and derogatory terms, ones that I still remember to this day.

He even tried to grab me and pull me away from the bench at one point, but luckily my friend’s mom rounded the corner just at that moment. She almost got security, but he managed to get away.

After that day, I never went out on my own again without an adult for a long time.

Also, the cherry on top, on the local news just a few months later, him and a few other people were featured in a special report covering a KKK inspired cult. And I learned that they had been bringing people of color to their cult, and doing not so nice things to them.

So, yeah.

Lottie-lore event #2!

So another event that happened when I was still young (like 12-13) was my experience with C.O.C.R. and C.O.C.S.A. I don’t remember this one, since I’ve tried to block it out, so this event description will be shorter.

I was in 7th grade(?) and I was friends with this guy, and we were really close for a while. Until he started acting weird, like really weird. Always being close to me, and trying to be as physical as possible. (It wasn’t weird at first, just hugging me, sitting close to me, holding my hand)

Then it started to get weird. He’d have his hands on my waist, or my lower back, and he’d do this so much that people assumed we were a couple. He SA’d me a few times, but I didn’t say anything about it because I assumed this was just normal “guy friend” behavior.

Then when we were invited to a party at a friend’s house, he cornered me in a bedroom and uhhhh…

Yeah.

Okay that’s it lmao hoped you enjoyed some Lottie-lore until next time

What would y’all say if I dropped some more Lottie-lore today

[batvillainz]

Childhood imaginary freinds r wild honestly like I remember I had a Chinese dragon that was bigger then my house and a guy made of pure wind that would slowly start to get sick and die every time I brought him inside cuz he needed fresh air or something like that. Like. Girl What.

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

so exactly 2 (two!) people asked for the playlist, which means i 100% am going to deliver

alright so without any more of my stupid commentary,, here is the bakugou playlist w/ a little bit of explanation bc i just like to talk about him

Title: *anger noises*

spotify link :)))

1. Love Me Dead - Ludo

lmao basically, about this one, bakugou would. he 10000% would say shit like “you're a parasitic, psycho, filthy creature, finger-bangin' my heart”. that’s all i gotta say about this one

2. Love Bites (So Do I) - Halestorm

look at the title of this song. you gonna tell me that’s not bakugou???

3. Scotty Doesn’t Know - Lustra

distinct blasty boy energy. very much a song i turn up in my car and immeadiately go “yeah- he would crush the dreams of some poor boy and then write a song about it. just to sing his own praises.”

4. Dead! - My Chemical Romance

ummm  “Have you heard the news that you're dead? No one ever had much nice to say, I think they never liked you anyway.” 

-i , sorry for the angst but??? thinkin about bakugou post-kidnapping and kamino ward??? 

5. Modern Swinger - The Pink Spiders

i mean, just the whole chorus rlly. listen to it- bakugou would think that. he would. but esp the line “And its love, It's heavy and it hurts and it's love”

6. Crazy Bitch - Buckcherry

this song is the best misogyny i’ve ever heard. the message is terrible but bakugou would. he would. 

7. Highway Tune - Greta Van Fleet

i- the scREAM/yodel in the beginning of this song?? like “you are my special, you are my special, you are my midnight” , and the “There's one girl that I know I'm never gonna pass” and the “So sweet, So fine, So nice, All mine” , iTS BAKUGOU IT IS, I WILL LITERALLY WRITE AN ESSAY ABOUT IT

8. Witness - Mindless Self Indulgence

“Son of a bitch, god likes me, I am the best, fuck everybody else”

..... i - y’all already kno i aint even gotta explain this one

9. Vicious Love - New Found Glory ft Goddess Hayley Williams

i cannot explain to y’all enough how much this one makes me think about bakugou- PLS ITS ABOUT SEEING SOFTNESS IN OTHER RELATIONSHIPS AND WANTING IT,, BUT STILL ONLY BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS LOVE THRU CONFLICT

10. Uneasy Hearts Weigh The Most - Dance Gavin Dance

no explanation tbh,, the lyrics dont rlly apply but listen to this song n just tRY and tell me it wasn’t on bakugou’s 7th grade playlist

11. Little Monster - Royal Blood

“Heartache to Heartache, I'm your wolf, I'm your man, I say run little monster, Before you know who I am”

yep yep checks out thats bakugou isnt it

12. Run - Foo Fighters

“In another perfect life, in another perfect light, we run” and “Wake up, run for you life with me”

basically its about escaping a world in ruins with someone u love by ur side,,,,, every day i think about writing a bakugou fic with this premise but i havent done it yet and i should

13. I Don’t Care - Fall Out Boy

“I don't care what you think, As long as it's about me, The best of us can find happiness in misery”

..... yep. that last line especially. n just the whole song is big bakugou energy

14. The Suffering - Coheed and Cambria

“If it was up to me, I would have never walked out, So until the sun burns out, Oh, I hope you're waiting”

oooo and “Should we try this again with hope (Bye, bye) Or is it lost, give up the ghost, And should I die all alone as I knew I would, (Then burn in hell young sinner)”

pls i love this song sm, it’s just a rlly good song and it also have massive massive bakugou vibes so thats always a plus

,,,, okay and this last one- and jesus it hurts

15. My Hero - Foo Fighters

no bc it u think about how upset bakugou was after kamino?? with all mights retirement?? pls

“Kudos, my hero, leavin' all the mess, You know my hero, the one that's on, There goes my hero, Watch him as he goes, There goes my hero, He's ordinary”

no bc every single day i think about writing a novel on how much bakugou AND DEKU were affected by all might’s shitty teaching n the ways it’ll probably always set them up to be rivals in some capacity

[weirdlyfitting]

okayyy was just finished watching cc and ehh it was pretty cool! when I’m taking a break to the bathroom I actually wanna check out what people thought abt this season in tumblr but uh yeah i’m sure that the fandom is in dumpsterfire for the brooklynn & kenji pairing so i choose not to lol

and yeah that’s pretty much what happened rn :|

look before y’all get into my opinion below, i’m making sure that this is coming from someone who had no idea how a relationship went and like didn’t even like romance stuff, just what i think 😅

i don’t think it’s gross. speaking from experience in middle school (and no i wasn’t the one who’s in a relationship) i heard my classmates talking abt other kids in school who were in a relationship, then like time passed and heard a bit that they broke up and such lmao. my cousins also talked about their crushes sometimes, i think they’ve ever been in a relationship too at 6 or 7th grade i forgot but in the end they weren’t with that person anymore (dw it’s all good tho and they’re doing ok). like we’re kids and now it’s just a funny thing to talked abt. weird? gross? yea but not in the kind of “creepy” gross, just a memory that has happened and everyone moved on from that

but well what do i know i’ve never been in a relationship anyway :p

i mean being in love or in a relationship is a big thing for teens here, it tires me on everytime someone released a song it’s always about love and broke up, and well....relationship, also prob why i love foreign music more, there are songs that dig deeper on anxiety and depression and it helps me a lot on doing my life. ok sorry got off track here ehehe

so i’m kinda fine with the pairing, i get that it looks forced (going on the first ep and when kenji’s crush on brooklynn was hinted i was like “okayy *uncomfortable noises” and then ep 2 clearly forced them to have a development in the cave lmao) and all but hey, they’re kids and like crushing on someone is def exist someday! either a classmate or friend yk, i’ve been there.

so that’s that and i’m gonna post more on s4, ALSO dr. Mae is amazing and def deserved to be protected at all cost!

[liberty-barnes]

Letters To A Stranger

Peter Parker x Female!Reader

Summary: The story of a girl who loved a boy, but couldn't talk, so she wrote.

Warnings: fluff for a bit, but then massive angst, and i mean massive, STOP READING HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT ANY SPOILERS BUT I WOULDN'T FEEL OKAY WITHOUT LISTING ALL THE ANGST FACTORS 

(mentions of ED, mentions of self-harm, implied character death, mentions of social anxiety)

Word Count: 1.3k words

Estimated Reading Time: 5 minutes

A/N: did you miss me?

Masterlist 

February 21st, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

Are you new? Or was I simply too oblivious to your presence until now? I've never seen you before, you're really pretty.

 I don't think I've ever used the word "pretty" to describe a man before. Well, boy, but my point stands.

But you really are. With your caramel eyes, and artistically tousled hair. You're cute. Kind of like a puppy. Not that I'm attracted to dogs, of course, but there's really no better way to describe you. Your face lights up when you talk on the phone, like an excited golden retriever who'd just been told he was going for a walk. I wonder who you're talking to. Is it your partner? Please, say you're single.

You get off after me apparently, so I guess I'll just keep my pining to my letters and hope to see you again tomorrow.

Kinda wishing I was yours,

Your secret admirer.

February 22nd, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

You're back! Is this a simple coincidence or are you a regular? 

From the backpack on your shoulder, I'd say maybe you're a student. I don't go to school. You make me wish I did if only to see your face every day for more than the short ten minutes of our joint ride.

I wonder how old you are. You look old enough to be in high school, but which year are you? I know I'm only nineteen, but I'd feel a little bummed about crushing on a fourteen-year-old.

You're smiling again today. I'm glad. I don't see a lot of smiles at the diner. Mostly glares, impatient huffs, and tired, distant expressions. It's a nice change.

I have to go now but thank you for making my day.

Hoping to see you again tomorrow, 

Your secret admirer.

February 23rd, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

I'm starting to think that smile is permanent. It's the third day in a row that I've gotten on the train and was immediately greeted with your beaming smile as you watched some video on your phone. It made me smile too.

Your sweatshirt's pretty. It says "Midtown Tech" on it. Is that a school? Is it your school? 

I may have to do some digging later.

Please don't think I'm a stalker.

Your totally not-stalker secret admirer.

March 1st, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

I was late this morning so I didn't get to see you. My boss was not happy about it, I felt like I was walking on very thin ice.

And then this guy grabbed my ass while I was taking his order. I acted on instinct, tried to remember everything they taught me at my self-defense class. I ended up accidentally punching him in the face. 

So yeah, I lost my job today. Which is why I'm here so early. I might stay on the subway just to see which stop you get off on. 

Yeah, maybe not, that'd be weird and I should start job hunting as soon as possible.

Thank you for making me smile on a bad day.

Thank you for being you,

Your secret admirer.

March 17th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

I got a new job! I'm working at this coffee shop/bookstore and it's honestly the greatest thing in the world. I get to be around books AND get free hot chocolate, how much better can life be?

You looked a little down today, I wonder if you're okay? Is everything well at home? Maybe school's the problem? Maybe you got a bad grade, but you look really smart so I don't know.

I hope you're feeling better tomorrow,

Your secret admirer.

March 19th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

I wish I knew your name, that way I'd know who to address this to. But I guess Cute Boy On The Subway will have to do. 

You were smiling again today, that's nice. I haven't seen you smile in a while, I was starting to get worried. The sweater you were wearing looked a little too big to be yours, the collar slipped down a little when you moved. It looks like there's a massive bruise on your upper chest. Does it hurt? Are you okay?

I wish I was brave enough to ask you in person.

Get better soon, 

Your secret admirer.

March 25th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

You're back to not smiling today. I don't like to see you frown. Not at all. I want you to tell me what's wrong. I want to help you get better, see you smile again.

I want to talk to you.

I'll do it tomorrow, 

Your secret admirer.

March 26th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

You were sad again today. But that's okay, cause I said I'd talk to you. 

Except I didn't.

My stomach started doing uncomfortable flips and I had to get off the train earlier than usual so I could throw up. It was not fun. 

Maybe I just have the flu?

Hopefully, I'll be better tomorrow,

Your secret admirer.

March 30th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

I've tried talking to you for three days, every time I had to get off and empty my stomach's content. I started to see a pattern so after a half week of that vicious cycle, I went to see my doctor.

Turns out I have social anxiety tendencies and you simply trigger them a bit. So, basically, my body won't let me talk to you.

I'm a little sad but also kind of relieved. At least I know I'm not voluntarily letting you slip through my fingers.

Not that I ever plan on doing that, you've become too important.

I hope you smile tomorrow,

Your secret admirer.

April 7th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

I'm worried about you. Your sleeve rose a little when you held onto the pole. There are scars there, familiar ones, ones that I recognize as scars left by one's own hand. Physical marks of a person's suffering.

Why are you doing that? It hurts to know that you feel down enough to resort to that. I want to help, but I can't bring myself to talk to you.

Please stop this,

Your secret admirer.

April 12th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

Your eyes were red today. You've been crying. There are dark circles under your eyes, how long has it been since you've last slept?

A lady asked you if you were alright. You said you were just a little tired. I've never heard a more obvious lie.

I wish I could talk to you,

Your secret admirer.

April 16th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

The dark circles haven't gone away, if anything they've gotten darker. But now there's a bruise on your cheek. You seem to be getting thinner too.

What's going on?

Your secret admirer.

April 28th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

How much weight have you lost? Your cheekbones are more prominent, and your arms are getting thinner by the second. Why don't you eat? 

The bruises are more frequent now. Cheek, eyebrow, lip... 

Who's hitting you?

Who's making you suffer?

Your secret admirer.

May 6th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway, 

I haven't seen you in a few days. I wonder where you are.

Are you okay?

I'm sorry, that's a stupid question, you probably aren't.

I've decided that next time I see you I'm gonna talk to you. Ask you what's wrong. Force you to tell me if that's what it takes.

I hope you're safe.

Your secret admirer.

May 27th, 2024

Dear Peter Parker, 

I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to talk to you when I had the chance.

I hope you're in a better place now.

I'm sorry you were alone when you did it.

I'm sorry you had to do it.

With love,

(Y/n).

yes, i'm one of those authors that post something an then disappears for two months, i'm sorry. i've been super busy with school and i haven't really had the motivation to write lately but i got this idea and i just needed to get it out.

also, i may be getting a new computer in like 1 or 2 weeks, so that's cool! it'll be better to write and stuff cause this one's getting kinda slow and sometimes it's hard to post stuff cause it won't load lmao.

anyway, i hope you liked it and if you did don’t forget to reblog/comment/like

love you all!

-Miah

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────» 

Taglists: (if your name is striked through it means for some reason tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you) 

PERMA TAG 

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PETER PARKER TAG 

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MARVEL TAG 

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[helliontherapscallion]

omg pls share the story abt the lecture from that girl’s dad (only if u feel like it) but seriously ppl it’s not that hard to put a mask on to help the spread of a virus. just wear it, it keeps u safe. and for the ppl who don’t care then just wait til it affects u, bcs covid isn’t a game. I just wish ppl were more serious abt it

Ok so sit down and buckle up kiddos and grab some snacks bc this is a helluva ride

Little background info: I have been a section leader for both my junior and senior years now. When the new freshmen came in my first year of being section leader I was hyped as hell. And then this new freshman whips out a lighter and lights it WHILE WE’RE INSIDE THE SCHOOL MIGHT I ADD with a straight face looking off into the distance before we ask her to put it away. She also always has a pocket knife on her that we found on the ground during band camp. I’ll call her POS. 

I tried to like POS I really did, but then she turned out to be a bigoted racist asshole (she also drinks deer blood straight from the corpse and simps over jeffery dahmer so even more red flags). It was extremely hard for me to treat her like I did with the other people in my section, but I managed to treat her the same as the other people and avoided her for the most part (thank god she wasn’t in my subsection I would’ve actually gone insane)

Flash forward to this year. Covid was hitting full force and we had to quarantine for the first two months of our season setting us back by a lot. She was wishywashy about rejoining but as the most senior leader of my section my band director was on my ass about getting a straight answer from her and fast. So I kinda had to force her to give me an answer (which she told me she was doing it quickly which leads me to think she already knew she was doing it) so she already was going into the season hating my guts

When we finally had an in person rehearsal for the first time, she wasn’t wearing a mask so when I asked her where it was she looked at me like I was the dumbass and said in a matter-of-fact tone “it’s in my pocket” and pointed to the confederate flag bandana hanging out of her pocket. Those four words told me that this season was going to be a fuckin long one with her. I just deadpanned (she couldn’t see it tho bc mask, sunglasses, and floppy hat blocking my entire face) and said “I’d rather it be on your face. (band director and marching instructor’s names) will have my ass if they see you not wearing one.” She rolls her eyes and puts it on (at least it was over her nose)

A few months go by with me telling her constantly to put on a mask bc I am responsible for my section and I’d be damned if one of them got sick bc of one idiot being stupid that I could prevent. She is getting madder and madder with each passing rehearsal. 

Band camp rolls around and it changed from 5 13 hour days to 15 3 hour ones and I am already done with her bs. We get our dots and I mentally groan bc she’s next to me for the vast majority of the show. She is between me (an asthmatic) and my close friend (vvv immunocompromised and also hates her, I’ll call her S) so now I’m more worried about covid going around the section. It was in this time that I find out that at least 5 other people out of 20 also have pre existing conditions that make them susceptible. So now I make it even more my mission to make her wear a mask. 

It was in the middle of band camp when she is yet again not wearing a mask (we were just marching without instruments) and I turn to her and as kindly as possible (it was the second time that day) asked her to put on her mask. She once again rolls her eyes and says “ya know, (band director) walked past me 3 times and hasn’t said shit, so I think I’m gonna listen to him and not you.” S and another friend of mine looks over in shock cuz she just talked back to me. They were about to say something but I wove them off. POS wants to fuck with me? Fine. I’ll just go full force with this. She wants petty?? I’ll give her petty, I’ve been holding off all season. 

So I’m marching there for the next twenty minutes quietly seething and counting more aggressively. She’s getting annoyed, but I pull the section leader card and tell her that she needs to be counting as loud as I am bc her feet was lowkey off time. After we break off for a gush and go (very short water break), I go straight to my band director and use my limited water break to tell him what she told me. He apologizes and says that he thought she was just taking a breather. He tells her to put on a mask and she does so and glares at me the rest of the rehearsal. 

She blocks me on all social media and I obviously clown on her in private with the other section leader (he’s more of a pacifist and never really told her to wear a mask which kinda pissed me off but I understood) until she makes a passing comment to my other friend about using the knife she kept in her boot. Now he tells me cuz he’s a good friend and I’m shitting myself at that point bc holy shit I might get shanked. 

I think about telling the band director but I realize that there’s no proof of her saying this and she could easily get out of this so it’s kinda pointless to tell anyone. Plus if she did shank me, she’d get into so much trouble and I’d be laughing at her from my grave/hospital bed. 

Many rehearsals go by and she still refuses to wear a mask so after one rehearsal S and I went to the band director and reminded him about our conditions and told him about how we were worried for our safety (I also told him abotu the other vulunerable ppl in the section) and he says he’s gonna do something. Next rehearsal he gives POS a warning and she begrudgingly wears a mask for the rest of the rehearsal. The next rehearsal rolls by and she isn’t wearing a mask (again) and he sends her home. Major victory for S and I.

The next sectional tho was something I wasn’t expecting. I get there like 10 minutes before it starts like I usually do in a good mood. I get out of my car and go to grab my stuff when a massive white truck with a busted muffler pulls up into the parking space next to me with a cloud of black smoke. The window rolls down and reveals POS’s dad and POS herself in the passanger seat. 

Of course I’m thinking that this is the day I die and start mentally preparing to yell for help to my other section members 100 feet away on the field already.

Mans starts to lecture me saying things like “it’s unhealthy to wear a mask outside bc it’s like a pitri dish under there. 6th grade science!” (I am not joking or overexaggerating with this, he actually said that). I really wanted to say “well, 7th grade science says otherwise, but you wouldn’t know that bc I’m sure you didn’t pass 6th grade, but go off ig” but I didn’t bc I didn’t want to get shanked or disappear randomly. I just tell him that I am only doing what my band director told me to do and that there are tons of people (myself included) that can really get hurt from just being in contact with covid. He says that’s bullshit and tries to tell me that I’m an idiot before I cut him off by telling him once again that I am just trying to protect my section and that the sectional was going to start soon so I didn’t have the time for this. I walk away leaving him trying to keep talking to me and soon enough POS gets out of the car and follows me to the field giving me a smug smile on her unmasked face before she puts it on when she sees the other section leader stroll up. 

Lemme paint the picture for you: this guy (a 6′something burly guy in his 50′s that I know has like two felonies under his belt) pulls up next to me (a 5′2 17 year old ball of anxiety that drives a small yellow car) and starts to borderline yell at me. Traumatizing. I was shaking for the rest of the sectional and I spent the rest of the season looking over my shoulder looking for the glint of a knife swingin at me

Now I’m pretty sure she’s suspended bc she was caught with a knife on school property and she wore a confederate t-shirt to school, but I would be lying if I said I don’t still look over my shoulder or speed up when I drive past her house lmao

[maplecornia]

fanfic writer's tag game

tagged by: @kookaine thanks for the tag dude! even though it was RIDICULOUSLY long ;-; this should be fun ig

1. What fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

n/a. the fandoms I started writing for I continued to write for lmao.

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

Let's see...BTS, NCT, Stray Kids, ATEEZ. I haven't released my NCT or Stray Kids fics yet, since I'm still working on them and I don't do teasers.

3. how long have you been writing?

since 7th grade. that was when I started writing my original story called Strong with my best friend. I mean I had a Wattpad and Tumblr account back in 2016...I just never did anything with it. It's only recently in the 2019-2021 that I've started writing fanfiction.

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

Wattpad, ao3, Tumblr

5. what is your favorite genre to write?

probably fantasy, angst or general fiction. romance is sometimes too cheesy for me which is why i always have to add angst to the mix, lmao, but i think in fantasy and general fiction it's cool cuz you can add multiple elements and there's MAGIC. like how cool is that. also enemies to lovers is always GOLDEN in fantasy and general fiction.

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

didn't know what a pantser was until i looked it up <///3 but i'm definitely a planner. i would go crazy if i didn't plan out my fics or leave notes or anything like that. i'm overly organized that way.

7. one-shot or multiple chapter

both, really. for some ideas they only fit for oneshots, but for others they are perfect for multiple chapters. but if i'm being honest, probably multiple chapters. i write too much for oneshots ;-;

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

1000 to 4000 words, for me it'd probably be longer, but for majority i think that this is the perfect length to get your point across and also for people to have an easy and enjoyable time to read.

9. what is your longest published story?

Infinite Stars, it's no wonder though because it's a series lmao

10. what story did you enjoy working on the most?

I love Infinite Stars to death, and it's my baby in the making, but if I had to choose which one I enjoyed the most it would have to be Your Untold Truth. I'm kinda sad it hasn't gotten more upvotes, but it's fine because I love it enough.

11. favorite request you've written?

haven't recieved one yet :/

12. are there reoccuring themes in your stories?

yep. angst, love, strange encounters, mentions of and the possibility of fate, one person changing and/or affecting your life, growing and learning from your mistakes so you can grow stronger on your own...all so i can do my one main theme, you're never truly alone.

13. current number of wips?

probably 10 now </3 Infinite Stars really be taking up a lot of my time

14. three things you've noticed about your writing?

i'm depressed. either that or I just enjoy talking about sadness. also if anything goes back the cliche hand holding or butterflies in the stomach, i will literally combust. i enjoy writing pure relationships, and whenever i try to write heated moments...let's just say they may go a little too far past the realistic side ;-;. metaphors are also a big part of my writing...and omfg the amount of filler material i create just because i think useless information is important astounds me. i never thought someone could be OVERLY descriptive...and then i met me :)))

i just realized that was more than three things RIP

15. a quote you like from a published story?

i have a lot...so i'm sorry i'm going to do more than one </3

"'You told me to be happy, so I'm going to try my best to find out what that means.'" - Your Untold Truth

"'I wasn't made to know you.'" - Your Untold Truth

(not a quote but I'm super proud of this)

"Today is a sunny day. The leaves have not yet turned their shade of red, and the flowers are in full bloom. It's a beautiful day, and on the breeze, I can almost swear I hear her whisper, a ghost of a laugh that will continue to live on in my dreams. For she will always be dancing, even if it's not with me." -Your Untold Truth

16. a quote from an unpublished story?

these are from chapters that are unreleased, so those reading Infinite Stars, here's as much of a teaser as you're going to get lmao

"Why do we keep choosing each other when we know that all we'll get is more pain?" - Infinite Stars

"We teach you to love yourself, to love others, we give you that right, but we aren't allowed to do the same?" - Infinite Stars

"Do you know how hard it is to have multiple people telling you who you are when they don't know the first thing about you?" - Infinite Stars

"Someone once told me that change is inevitable. But that doesn't mean letting go means saying goodbye." -Infinite Stars

"Why were you deciding my life before I even had a chance to make my own choice?" -Infinite Stars

"You know what I'm tired of? People trying to tell me who I am, and what I should do without me ever getting a chance to decide for myself. That should be my decision, that should be my choice and mine alone!" - Infinite Stars

17. space for you to say something to your readers.

hello my young chicken nuggets. I know a lot of you are silent readers, and that my blog ain't that big, but I'm really happy that you guys read my fics! It means a lot to me that you enjoy my writing and I hope you'll enjoy more writing to come ^^

tagging: @hyuckworld, @kabira, @words-in-purple, @junepops + anyone else who wants to do this! even though this was long as heck it was pretty fun to do

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #451

“taste the waste of their god’s grace & spit your hate upon your young”

Who are you subscribed to on YouTube? A shitload of people. Do you like to go to the farmer's market? Yeah, sure. What will (or was) the color of your wedding dress be? Probably black. What's your favorite melon? I don't really like melons, actually. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :( When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with? Literally every day. Seriously. It's funny, I dread fighting to sleep at night, but I also just want it to be time to sleep so time will pass. My life is just so fucking boring that I just... wait for something exciting to happen. Name one person you've never had a fight with: Tez. What are you currently listening to? "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment. What would you rather have: cat or dog? I prefer cats. Who is your least favorite person in real life? Probably my sister's husband. Do you ever watch anybody's live stream of... anything, really? I'll sometimes watch live let's plays. Does your house have security cameras? No. If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be? I'll be dyeing it. What was the last establishment you stopped going to due to bad service? What happened? I'm not sure. What soundtrack do you listen to the most? Silent Hill 2's, definitely. Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult? I don't know if it's really a secret, but I didn't know until this year that my dad did some really dangerous drugs before us kids were born. Do you have an opinion most people you meet seem to disagree with you? Yes. What’s something you like to have many options to choose from? Food, ha ha. Feels great to have a full kitchen after a grocery trip. What’s the strangest decorative object you own? Nothing "strange" to me. What’s a thing you couldn’t imagine doing with your life right now? One biggie is having a baby. I just... could not imagine. My life would plummet. What’s been your proudest moment? Graduating in the top percentile in my high school graduating class. What’s the filthiest non-pornographic movie you’ve seen? Omfg, Sausage Party. That movie was so gross. Do you know anyone who doesn't seem to be fond of animals? Thankfully, no. I don't even think I could befriend someone who doesn't like animals. Are you planning any outings or trips anytime soon? Whereabouts? No. Do you know anyone who has a phobia of a certain animal? Yeah, like me with whale sharks. Is there a particular brand of technology/electronics that you prefer? Not really, no. Is there a singer whose voice gives you goosebumps/chills? Amy Lee's. And is there a singer whose voice you simply can't stand? Yeah, such as Bob Dylan. Are there any authors that are particularly dominant on your bookshelf? Tui T. Sutherland, but only because I read their series Wings of Fire. Have you seen any photographs or videos that made you smile today? I'm sure on Facebook at some point. Which item in your fridge are you most looking forward to consuming? Does the freezer count? If so, this Healthy Choice grilled chicken pesto bowl I have in there. I am like addicted to them. Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately? I don't know. If you menstruate, do you experience much PMS prior to it? It varies month-to-month. Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to? I had my Markiplier tattoo essentially redone by a better artist. I also plan on getting my "ohana" tat covered, as well as my "how rare and beautiful it is to even exist" one (I adore the quote, but it's not an original design, which I don't like having anymore), and I want to move and redesign my "perfectly flawed" one because I want a bigger tattoo in its location. Can you remember the last time you had a sudden change of mind? Yeah; I'm pretty sure I like-like my friend Girt now, something I was never entirely sure about. When was the last time you did something on a whim? *shrug* Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? Well, I guess both, but Dad didn't do a lot of the teaching part about life and stuff. Have you ever began a relationship with someone you knew for less than a week? No. Has one of your friends ever tried to ‘hook you up?’ Yes. Colleen tried that with me and Girt and only succeeded in making us very uncomfortable. She said something I wanted to slap her for that I won't repeat. What is your card game of choice? Magic: The Gathering. What is your favourite books series? I think my favorite series of all time was the Shiloh trilogy. I adored both the books and movies. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? You'd better give me landmarks, ha ha. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Of course. What was your favourite gym class moment? There're such things as GOOD gym memories in school? Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? Yes. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? No, I always thought it was very flattering that they even wanted mine. Do you have a favourite Scooby-Doo movie? The Phantom Virus one. I had the video game as a kid, too. Could never beat the damn thing. Do you think it’s cute when toddlers try to run away and fall down? No? I don't like seeing children - or anyone - fall. Do you enjoy listening to your grandparents tell stories of their past? So, this really only happened once, and it was coincidentally the day I learned of her pancreatic cancer, but before Mom told me. I had an assignment to interview someone of an older generation about how various sources of media affected their lives, like the development of TV and such, and she really got into it. It was very interesting to learn about. Do you have a crush on someone? I guess I do idfk. If so... what does his/her name begin with? "D." What attracts you to them? More than anything, the fact he's been there for me without fail. Both single and when I was with Jason and he was interested in me, he's just... been there and has made an effort since high school to be in my life in one way or another. Do they know that you like them? Not anymore, no. We dated for a few months, but I broke up with him because he felt more like my brother, so I would assume he doesn't think I do. Maybe he still is family to me. I really don't know what I feel. If they don't know, why didn't you tell them? I might at some point, idk. We just haven't talked in a while. Name two people that you miss: Jason and Megan. Have you ever seen Titanic? When I was in the hospital, yes. Everyone was crying, lmao. Have you ever swam with dolphins? No, but I would. When was the last time you had a stomachache? Now. Mother Nature finally visited me after three whole fucking months and is v angry. What's going to bed early for you? Like 7:00. Do you want to have a big family in the future? Of pets! Human kids ain't for me. What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Hell if I know. Favorite Nicholas Cage movie? Ghost Rider. Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yes. I got Moderna. If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? I did on my second dosage. I was OUT of it the day afterwards, but then I was fine. What's the next item of clothing that you intend to buy for yourself? I need new bras badly. What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful? It's called "Not Just A Pet Rock (Python regius)" and is a group for advanced ball python husbandry. It is very informative, but I will say there is a SHITLOAD of very rude elitists. Do you like your butt? Why or why not? NO because it's a PANCAKE and I want CAKE. Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia? I personally think so. When Sara visited and we were trying to go to my older sister's so she especially could meet her, Ash entirely ignored Mom's messages. I know her homophobic husband well enough to nearly be able to guarantee he didn't want us coming over because the kids "don't need to see that." Ash kinda does what Nick says, so... you know. Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I know I'm happier with pets. Who was the last person you went on a date with? Sara. Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid? No. What’s your favorite way to curl your hair? It's too short to do that. At what age did you start swearing? However old I was in 7th grade. What is something you physically can’t do? Clean up vomit lkdsjal;sdkjfa;lkwd. I can't clean up my pet's or even my own. I literally can't. My mom has to. What do like better, apples or oranges? Apples. I don't like oranges. Around the holidays, do you hope for snow? Yes!!! What are your top two favorite bands? Ozzy Osbourne and Metallica. How many people do you 100% trust? Like two. Maybe. Do you care what others think about you? Way too much. Has anyone ever called you a bitch? My grandmother has. Did you watch Teletubbies when you were younger? Omg yes, I was obsessed. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have that. Could you live the rest of your life without eating meat? No. Not because I don't want to, because I do, but I would have an extreme protein deficit if I did that. Besides meat, I don't like enough protein-rich foods. Have you ever had a rolling backpack? Yes. Did you make any money today? I haven't made any money in a very, very long time. I'm only ever paid when someone hires me to take pictures for them. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from? I don't know. Definitely not very high. Have you ever gone swimming in a river? Yes. What was the last souvenir someone got you? I have zero clue. Do you have a favorite remix of a song? Hm. Perhaps this techno-y remix of "Psychosocial" by Slipknot. I don't know for sure, though. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument? Either the violin or piano. Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies? Nope. Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar/etc.)? Probably clouded leopards aesthetics, but I think lions overall. If you had $500,000, what would you do with it? Pay off school debt as well as help Mom with various financial issues, buy new glasses, buy Mom and I a new house and car, get Venus a great tank with all the optimal supplies, get LOADS of tattoos, donate to various charities, adopt a few specific pets, travel to Yellowstone, get laser hair removal on my legs and teeth whitening... There are a lot of possibilities. Did the last person you touched lips with have a kid? Just scaly ones. :') "First loves are never really over." Is this true for you? Yeeeep... Did you like Michael Jackson before he died? I didn't really have an opinion on him. I know/like a couple songs, sure. What are some things that would make you break up with someone? If they became abusive, started doing drugs, acted arrogantly, didn't understand my mental conditions and were unwilling to be emotionally supportive, stuff like that. What was the worst breakup you've ever had? Ha, the one with Jason. For. Fucking. Sure.

[purplesurveys]

1131

survey by lilprincess

Approx. Time you began this survey: 6:46 on a Wednesday evening.

Describe your mood right now: Erm, a bit exhausted because I just ended a work shift; but content for the same reason. Right now I’m simply looking forward to dinner and crashing on the couch or my bed, wherever I feel like sleeping tonight.

Spell your first name without vowels: Rbn. Let’s just also remove y for this one.

Age you will be on your next birthday: 23.

Zodiac Sign: Taurus.

Do you believe what your horoscope says about your sign? I do not believe in astrology whatsoever.

What state/region do you live in? Somewhere in the Philippines somewhere close to Metro Manila.

Height: Like 5′1″ ish. I had a massive growth spurt in 4th grade that also ended in 4th grade, which will always be a funny story to tell people lmao. I went from being placed at the back of the class line to the front really quickly.

Do you smoke? Super occasionally. My last cigarette was like...all the way back in February last year. It was easier to hide the smell around my family before, but because my parents and siblings have mostly been staying at home in the last year it would be so easy to weed out the smell. I never feel like smoking anyway since I vape, so there’s been no reason to seek it out.

Do you drink? Yeah, sometimes socially and sometimes on my own if I wanna unwind and feel a lil buzz come through.

What's your ethnic background? Southeast Asian, specifically Filipino.

What's your religious background? Technically my ~background~ would be Catholic since I was born and baptized in that faith, but I’ve long let go of this. Excluding one very brief period in high school, religion was something I never held much belief and faith in, even if I've been taken to literally every Sunday mass for the last 23 years and even if I was enrolled in Catholic school from preschool to high school.

What's your natural hair color? Black.

What;s your natural eye color? Dark brown, almost black.

Do you have any bad habits you want to break? I do overtime work a lot but used to seldom file it on our company shift log sheet because I get shy that they must think I’m doing it just to be paid more, lol. I’m starting to file them every time I do OT though because fuck it, pay me.

Name a few of your positive habits. I like that I always find a way to meet deadlines. I like that I’m selfless, even though some would see it as a flaw. I’d rather do too much than say I never did anything at all.

Have you ever lived in a foreign country? No, the most I’ve done was travel to one for a week.

Did you vote in the Nov. 6 2012 presidential election? No because I am not American -___- The last election that took place before I was eligible was in 2010, and had I been able to vote then, I would’ve given mine to Gibo Teodoro, who I believe was the most qualified at the time.

Are you even eligible to vote? Yeah, I’ve been for the last 5 years. I’ve voted twice - once for the presidential elections back in 2016, and the next was for the senatorial elections in 2019.

Are you right handed or left handed? Right-handed.

When you write, is your penmanship usually neat or do you tend to scribble? It starts off neat for the most part, but it gradually gets messy and becomes more like a scribble if we’re talking about writing several essays in one sitting, which was usually the case in my exams in college.

Have you ever experienced an accident? (of any type): Sure, I’ve been in car accidents before. I’ve also been shocked once.

Do you have/want children? They would be nice to have, yeah. 

Are you environmentally conscious? For the most part, yeah. But there are some things that can’t be helped, like me driving. Unless the government does something about the shitty public transport system that we have and have had for decades, I refuse to take it.

What's your favorite mode of transportation? Like I said, my own car. If I’m traveling, by plane.

Do you prefer 80's - 90's music compared to today's music? Eh, not at all. I prefer music produced these days.

Are you more of an introvert (quiet/shy), or extrovert (social butterfly)? I’ve been more of an extrovert in the last few years but I will always be shy at first upon meeting new people, like that will never change. I warm up a lot quickly now, though.

What's your favorite emoticon? :)

Do you miss the good old days of hand-written letters? I caught the super super super last part of this era, so I didn’t even get to experience it. I know snail mail was still kind of a thing when I was a kid, but at the same time that was happening my mom was also already using email to keep in touch with my dad, so.

Nowadays, though, when I do write letters to loved ones, I will still prefer to make handwritten ones, especially for a significant other or best friend. I don’t think I’ve ever sent out a computerized long letter.

Do you enjoy receiving or giving more? Giving, but it’s nice to be treated too sometimes.

Are you good at keeping secrets? Sure.

Do you take or give advice more often? I don’t usually get into situations wherein I’d have to do either, but I think I’ve been asking for advice more, especially over the last few months.

Do you have your driver's license? “I got my driver’s license last week, just like we always talked about...” Haha this question made me sing a bit. Anyway, yeah, I got it shortly after I turned 18 since I needed to quickly learn before college started.

Would you rather be poor & happy or rich but miserable? Rich but miserable. Soz but I’d solve 4854983594857 of my problems if I never had to worry about money.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Never.

Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook? Probably not blocked, but I’ve unfollowed some current Facebook friends and unfriended others entirely.

Do you think recreational marijuana should be nationally legalized? Idk much about the topic since it’s taboo enough where I live, but sure, I guess?I haven’t heard one bad word about the effects of marijuana.

Describe your perfect first date. I’ve never really had a first date, but I imagine an ideal one would be pretty lowkey, just a stroll around a nice city and maybe have fancyish dinner somewhere.

Have you ever been high? Nope.

Have you ever watched a NC-17 rated film? Sure. A good handful of Kubrick films pass for NC-17, right? I’d be surprised if they weren’t, lol. I’ve been scarred by some of them for sure.

If you ever become reincarnated as an animal, what would you want it to be? A dog.

Do you remember where you were/what you were doing on September 11, 2001? No; I was 2 years old. I did ask my parents where they were in those moments, and my mom understandably missed most of it since the entire thing unfolded in the late evening in the Philippines. The only thing she can recall was being insanely worried for my dad, who had just started to work in the US back then.

Do you ever wish you were of a different nationality/religion? Yeah, to a certain extent, just because the political and socioeconomic situation here is very messy and it doesn’t really give us the nicest reputation in front of the world. I’m proud of my Filipino culture and heritage though.

Are you more of a junk food addict or health nut? Health nut is the last thing anyone should be calling me. But I’m not so much a junk food addict either? I do like spoiling myself with food, but I still monitor my intake.

Do you believe Antarctica should be considered the 7th world continent? Isn’t it already though?? We’ve always been taught there were 7 continents and Antarctica is one of them lol.

Describe your own sense of humor in 1 word: Gen-Z, if that counts as one word.

Have you ever quoted the Bible (or any other Holy Book)? If I ever did it was probably meant to be sarcasm.

Have you ever completed a Sudoku puzzle? No. Never figured out how to play it either.

Would you rather be a nuclear physicist or marine biologist? Marine biologist. That’s one step closer to one of my loves, biology. Plus I was never any good with physics, so.

Do you have a deep, dark secret you're hiding from every one? I guess.

Would you rather be able to soar like an eagle or swim like a dolphin? I’d make my childhood self happy and go with flight.

If you wanted to learn a foreign language, what would it be? Korean so I can finally stop reading subs, hahah.

Are you bi-curious? No.

Did you watch the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon more as a kid? The Nickelodeon cartoons were far more interesting to me. I think I only got into Disney when I got a little bit older, once I was able to appreciate the more mature content in shows like The Suite Life, That’s So Raven, etc. But for the most part our TV was always tuned into Nick Jr., Spongebob, Jimmy Neutron and the other Nick shows.

Name 5 films that were made the year you were born: American History X (great watch), The Truman Show, Mulan, La Vita e Bella if I’m not mistaken (one of my faves, no matter how gut-wrenching it is), and Shakespeare in Love.

Did you have a lot of friends in high school? Yes, eventually I did.

Do you rely more on the newspaper, Internet or TV as your news source? Social media these days since I find that online writers are far more discerning in their reporting than TV anchors, who stay neutral at best.

True or false: Bigger is better. Very vaguely put, but not always, I guess.

Do you think religion is the primary cause of war? No? There’ve been plenty other reasons for war.

What's your favorite pizza topping? ...Cheese.

Think of your wardrobe. What color do you wear the most? It’s still black, I think.

Have you ever been to a planetarium? Just once, on a middle school field trip. I’d love to come back, though.

Do you feel like you connect more with animals or other people? I don’t get to be with animals a lot other than my dogs, so I’ll go with people.

Do you feel like sometimes you have to lie in order to protect yourself? Wow so dramatically put haha but yeah, I suppose it does feel that way sometimes.

How often do you exercise? Literally never. I’ve stopped working out this year since I didn’t see the point, and I’ve stopped feeling like I had to ‘get back’ at my ex just by getting a more toned figure. I’m totally at peace with how my body looks, plus I never want to give up on my favorite foods and snacks lol so there’s that.

Can you swear in a different language? Putangina mong bobo kang gago ka. That’s three for ya.

Do you think teachers/doctors deserve to get paid more than pro athletes? Everyone deserves to be paid fairly to the point that no comparison should be necessary, period.

From a scale of 1- 5, you would rate this survey: Erm, a 4.5. I had to delete some questions I didn’t feel comfortable answering or that I found a little meh, but the rest I fairly enjoyed.

Do you think most of these questions were more original or more ordinary? It’s a bit in between.

Approx. time you completed this survey: Hahahahah 10:38 PM. I took a million breaks.

[moonlight-at-dawn]

I actually enjoy critiquing the things i like, but many fandoms have asked me to leave or acted like that's a bad thing to do. I don't like the do-it-to-be-included culture that includes like, lapis lazuli is too neon blue in this episode, so steven universe is a problematic show. It's fun for me to figure out how a show could be better, but not fun to see people jump on silly unhelpful bandwagons. If you don't critique the thing you like at ALL, though, I don't like you. Everything personal.

This is clearly in response to that post I made in a fit of annoyance one night 3 years ago and left completely untagged, never expecting it to go viral. I can’t tell if your last two words “Everything personal” is meant to be “Everything is subjective to the person” or “All offense meant” lmao, I understand you were likely fighting against character limit, but with it follow “[...]I don’t like you” it gives it heavy implications of the latter.

So anyway, yeah, I’m slightly poking fun at the fact that you brought up that you love to “critique” but then you can’t even understand how, again, a single statement clearly composed in a fit of pique, is HARDLY indicative of my full views.

Of COURSE things should be viewed critically and critiqued, but common sense and common decency also come into play here. Common sense in that,

-nothing will be without faults because everything is created by individuals with their own biases and flaws, -so it’s important to always look at what was meant by the thing, whether or not it’s obviously a plot point or if it’s the author’s ignorance (seriously, when people are like “This character is MEAN and they make CONFLICT” ...YES! Do you not remember that CONFLICT is a key part of literature, this is 7th grade English in America, c’MON!), -and to then decide what is and isn’t a breaking point for YOU the INDIVIDUAL, and to respect other people’s choices! (No, I’m not saying respect people that, say, outwardly and loudly think L*lita is actually romantic, but you definitely should respect people who just like it, because you never know their story, and you aren’t entitled to it, but they may like it as a way of working through their trauma, or just as a way of investigating the human psyche, idk, I should’ve picked an example I’ve actually read)

And common DECENCY, in that, know when it’s time to say your critique. You’re welcome to them! But, let’s say I wanted to talk about the scene in Full Metal Panic, where Sousuke gives Kaname his lapis lazuli, and I talk about how meaningful it is, and how cute and sweet, and then you pop on and say “I thought it looked to bright :/” I’m gonna be annoyed! Because this isn’t the time or place! Make your own damn post! I’m specifically talking about something that brought me JOY, and now you’re coming in here and “well, actually”ing me, and it’s about something that ultimately doesn’t even matter! So what if it’s too bright!? I can understand being annoyed by it, hell, I might even actually agree with you, but it’s NOT the time or place!

So anyways, yeah, I never said “All critique is bad!” and neither do the vast majority of the people commenting on that post of mine. We’re just saying “Don’t come up with lies about morality just because you didn’t like this plot point,” “There’s no reason to ruin your enjoyment of something by nitpicking just because the internet told you so,” and other such related stuff.

The idea that everything needs to be dissected before you’re morally allowed to enjoy it is just absurd puritanical BS, and THAT’S the REAL “unhelpful bandwagon” around here.

EDITED TO ADD:

I ended up ranting and forgot to fully address, as there was one more thing I wanted to bring up. And that is:

ALL THIS SAID... You DON’T deserve to be bullied and pushed out of fandoms. There ARE going to be people will enjoy critiquing with you.

Since this is the internet and everything is pushed out into the ether, free of body language, facial expression, vocal intonation, and individual context, it may be important to just give a little more information as you go into your posts, and then you may find more like-minded people! Make your own posts, or comment on other people who are also already critiquing, and maybe just make it obvious that you enjoy the thing but you might’ve liked it better if...! Or, another good method, is to make sure you ALSO talk about the things you LIKED, the things that went WELL. This is critical to true critique, and can go a long way towards making it more immediately obvious in the ether of text, that you DO enjoy the thing and you want to talk about it, you just like to talk in this WAY! And that’s okay! That’s a great way to engage with media and there’s nothing wrong with it on its own merits!

But, just, really, do NOT ever critique on a fandom post that’s gushing over something, it’s incredibly rude because of the way these things are structured, it’s like sitting at a lunch table and interrupting a conversation to talk about how everyone’s favorite band they’re about to see in concert had a really disappointing last album. You might think you’re connecting, but you’re actually just a bummer. I don’t know if this is something you’ve done, but it’s certainly something I’ve seen happen, and just, yeah, don’t, lol

ETA 2: So I don’t leave this all in tags... I’m the idiot lmao, I think I completely missed two entire lines of text when I read and started answering and hooboy they were important. I’m incredibly sorry for my misunderstanding evident largely in the original text of my response!

[malefi-andromeda]

Long Winding Road Stay Strapped My Dude

By: Astoria Cathryn Andromeda

Alrighty, this is a long one boys. So I touched briefly on this in my Welcome to Literally Everything post. No worries I'll recap you, so you don't have to switch back and forth. I just diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, and then ADHD when I was 18 years old, and even then I had to fight for it after countless hours of research. See, there seems to be a wee bit of misogyny in the neurodiverse diagnoses. When I say a wee bit, I mean that scientists used to think that only boy could be autistic or ADHD. They only studied autism in males. Fortunately, nowadays we know that girls can be autistic and/or ADHD, but we present the traits differently than boys, and a lot of our traits are played off due to gender roles in society. For example, being overly talkative in girls is called chatty, whereas boys who can't sit still are sent off for testing immediately. This also causes problems for the boys, because little Johnny gets put on Adderall at the ripe age of 6 years old, just because he can't sit still for 8 hours straight, which by the way should not be expected of any elementary school kid, By the time, he's 25 he's 1) completely dependent on amphetamines 2) his body will stop producing dopamine due to being on the medication for so long. Nicht Gut. Generally, boys who are on the spectrum get picked out earlier due to late speaking, or lack of social skills. This is the one thing that girls happen to do better than boys. Girls are good at masking, which is basically taking social traits, phrases, personalities, demeanor, and copying them. In public, they put on a mask and at home, they have a meltdown. Girls are still not picked up as being on the spectrum, because shyness is called being 'ladylike' and 'dainty', and having a meltdown is just because :( girls are oh-so emotional, boohoo. Anyways tons of women do not get diagnosed with autism until they are well into their adulthood, I actually can be considered lucky to have technically still been a teenager when we finally got all the pieces together.

Alright, let's start with I don't know me as a baby. I did not speak until I was 2 years old, and then it was immediately full sentences from then on. I didn't do the babbling thing, which I don't know how impactful that really is to the topic. I was a very shy little girl. I was teeny tiny, we didn't know I if I was going to make it to 5 feet tall until I had a big growth spurt in 7th grade. I am 5'2 now and definitely done growing in case you were wondering, so not that short anymore. I did not like talking to adults, especially strangers, especially men. I did not look anyone in the face, and I will always hide behind my parent's legs when they would try to introduce me to people. I am an only child, and I spent a lot of time entertaining myself. I always had seasonal affective disorder, where my grades would dip in the winter. My parents knew I had a timer, they had 45 minutes from the moment they stepped into a restaurant before I would start breaking down. If I got off schedule as a toddler in any form, it was a catastrophe. Or this is what my parents and family tell me. I didn't really notice. I did not like being out in public a lot, I was a very picky eater, and I was extremely hyper. I was a very eccentric child, I only had 1-2 close friends and they were always a very well-liked outgoing girl who I just followed around. Looking back, I don't know how we missed it. I was shy because I didn't understand how social interactions worked, I was anxious about it because I didn't understand, I had sensory overloads, routines, and a very bland diet with a safe food which was ketchup. I put that shit on literally everything, eas, apples, mac and cheese, pizza, all meat, anything something forced me to eat that I did not like. But because I could sit still in class, and because I could zone out and daydream all day through school and still make A's nobody ever flagged me for anything and how I was supposed to know that not everybody just copied other people, scripted things before they talked, and could never pay attention. My mom always required me to be in a sport, and I was a gymnast and a swimmer for a long time, two very high-intensity sports, to help lower my energy levels, and because my mom has mild depression and she knows that exercise does help. Skip to middle school, my mom tells me I'm being bullied at church. It's not that I wasn't observing my surroundings I knew I was being excluded, but I didn't understand vindictive behavior, I thought it was my fault. I had zero friends in 8th grade until I sat down next to a random acqutaince I had gone to school with since I was 4 and the same gymnastics place. Then we were immediately attached at the hip after that. She is my best friend due this day and definitely got me through high school. Led me through so many social situations without either of us knowing. I had a very close friendgroup in highschool, all of them were on the drumline which I met through my best friend, and my first boyfriend was my best friend's neighbor. I ended up playing bass guitar for my high school's indoor drumline, and it was the best experience ever. I love my friends, but I had really bad depression when I was 15-now:) jk It's better. I didn't really realize I was depressed, I just didn't want to go to school, or swim practice, or do anything so of course, my mom noticed, and then once it was pointed out to me it got worse. My severe anxiety spiraled with my depression. Senior year of high school, my boyfriend and I were like toxic star crossed lovers, hurting each other over and over again without meaning to. My friends and I were self harming, all my close friends gad some demon going on. I finally decided to try therapy again after the disaster of being forced to go when I was 15 and the lady told me I wasn't depressed because I had a boyfriend and good grades. It helped a bit, I was able to get my panic attacks under control. Then I went away to college and stayed dating my senior high school boyfriend, we were just up and down as always, but with slightly better communication. My freshman year of college I joined a fraternity, a research lab, and my first hs boyfriend/ex/best friend and I went to a Christian campus place. By second semester, I had a lot of people who knew me and talked to me, but I didn't have any close friends, and even less close friends who were girls. All my close friends who were girls were at another college. My parents were worried about me, so they made me rush a sorority, which I knew was never my scene, but my parents made me join and I found a few girls I liked. Soon I was going to 6 classes, fraternity chapter, research lab meetings, christain crash group meetings, soriorty pledge meetings all on every Tuesday. I was different person at each of these events and wore a different mask. I was having what I know now were autistic burnout meltdowns every single day on the phone in my crusty dorm's stairwell. It was not cute. His mental health had always been bad too. Finally I decide I need to try a psychatrist and go back to therapy, and then he broke up with me. Then I made my first close friend, a guy who was in 3 of classes, and I took him to my fraternity's formal, and then coronavirus happened.  Rona kinda saved my grades, and mental health by sending us home event though it did suck. I got on anti-anxiety meds and things went up, but I was still having what I thought were panic attacks, they were austistic meltdowns. My psychiatrist, he's kinda an asshole, he diagnosed me with Obessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I'll insert definition here: (OCPD) is a personality disorder that's characterized by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness. People with OCPD will also feel a severe need to impose their own standards on their outside environment.> Basically hr told me I had rules for everything like how everyone drives on the right side of the road, but nobodythinks about it andwhen I broke one of my rules I got depressed, and when wasn't perfect I got depressed, and when I made an A I was relieved not proud. The diagnosis seemed to fit really well, and my therapist and I started working finding my rules, and getting rid of the bad ones, and making the others less harsh. I had thought every once and in a while in my life when I was really upset, what if I'm on the spectrum, because I just felt so hopeless for social interactions and I didn't understand. I always felt like I was a very specific person, but after the ocpd I started thinking more and more, and I saw a tik tok of a girl with lae diagnosed autism basically describing me and ranting about the misogyny. I did more research and I decide, yea I'mm gonna bring it up to mypsychatrist well he's a dick, so he was like um you don't act like sheldon cooper from the Big Bang theory,and I was like wellI just I have always thought I might have adhd like be neureodiverse, and he was like your grade point average in hs was a 97.8%, you're not adhd. I immediately cried, because I can't handle when anyone says anything in a even a slightest stringent tone. I'm baby, I know lmao. It made me angry though because I felt like he just brushed away all of my struggles I had in my whole life. I spent hours researching and typed up a 47 page document on evidence for why I was on the spectrum, and had my parents help will some of checklists to make sure I was getting outside perspectives. I rally my parents to be my back up and next psychiatrist appointment we actually talk about it and he asked my parents questions about when I was young and such and finally he was okay you're on the spectrum. I felt so validated and like I could start being myself. I slowly got more and more confident, changed my style of clothing, and researched more about adhd pushed to be tested, and oh look at that I also have ADHD. So basically discourse: "I feel like as a child I coded a machine to do life for me so I didn’t get bothered except I didn’t know about the machine I thought i was the machine and now I’ve become self aware and I have to learn how to read the code and rewrite the code because it’s dysfunctional because I’m not functioning well as a human being. I was really shy as a child. I would turn beat red when people talked to me or looked at me so I think I started cookie cutting situations and using them over and over again because they worked until I accidentally hard wired these expansion rules and expectations for myself. I didn’t may attention is class ever I just day dreamed and if I got good grades i wouldn’t be bothered i could just stay in my head and if I did my sport well my parents didn’t bother me. I was never asked if I did my homework I just did it so I wouldn’t be asked and have to deal with that situation. I would cookie cutter situations in class that would draw the least attention to myself.

I feel like i don’t have friends I just fulfill the expectation like a side quest on video games" I wrote this down pre autism confirmation when i just thought I had ocpd. Now I don't directly identify with ocpd, but I definitely think I developed that personality disorder a bit from living with undiagnosed autism. I am linking below the very informative Tik Toks by the lovely Paige on autism in girls. The imposter syndrome one really hit home. I had had so many panic attacks about thinking I tricked people into being my friend, or thinking I was smart.

I highly suggest watching these short tik toks, you'll definitely learn something

https://vm.tiktok.com/wVvcYA/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqRRUf/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnqhvX/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqeyYg/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnoE7u/

https://vm.tiktok.com/Kas6gB/

https://vm.tiktok.com/owM9hs/

Imposter syndrome

I am also linking an article about Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory and Autism that explains why my psychiatrist was wrong, and also I am a girl and the spectrum is called a spectrum because it's a fucking spectrum no two autistic people are exactly the same it's like a color wheel.

http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/problem-sheldon-cooper-and-cute-autism-387783

Here is a fun comic about the spectrum and how to view it.

https://the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

I am still learning about myself, and how to be me, and how to be myself but without breaking bad social rules. It's quite humorous though because I'll learn something is related to autism and I'm like oh shit again, like still, like, we're still discovering things.

"Tu ne me manques pas"

Bis später,

Astoria.

[shy-marker-pliers]

Just Catholic School Things (AKA why i became an atheist at age 11)

PSA: everyone’s religious experience is obviously different. i’m just talking abt my experiences here and i’m in no way speaking for everyone who ever went to a catholic school lol.

Ok my parents are catholic and because of that i went to a small catholic school for eight years (preschool-grade 6) and hoo boy it was Something. tw for religion, religious trauma, all that good stuff.

UNIFORMS UGHHHH (the only colors we were allowed to wear were red, white, black, and sometimes you could get away with very dark navy blue)

you could choose from this wide variety of options: long or short sleeved polo shirt (has to be tucked in), black dress pants or dress shorts. sometimes they’d let you wear a sweater or cardigan but only if it was red or black. you could also wear a jumper dress as long as you had black/white tights and dress shoes. also the dress had to be black and red plaid.

we only got to go without uniforms if we were having pajama day which only happened like once a year, twice if we were lucky.

having to wear clothes like that for so long is probably the reason why i live in hoodies and sweatpants now lol

Asking my mom if she would sacrifice me if god told her to and her saying yes (i was in FIRST GRADE)

crying for hours and saying that i’m going to hell because i lied about having seen a movie (second grade)

teachers deadass saying that u only go to heaven if you’re the right religion (catholic) and even then you still had to follow all the rules or else you’d go straight to hell

having to tell a priest my darkest sins (this was not optional, everyone was required to do this twice a year)

people in my class thinking that you couldn’t be friends with someone if they were a different religion than you

having to learn cursive ughhhh (jokes on them tho cause now i can read cursive but refuse to write in it out of pure spite)

not being allowed to sing non-religious songs for our yearly christmas concert

being required to speak in church (readings, lord hear our prayer, gospel, stations of the cross, etc) which was hell for ppl that have a fear of public speaking. 

also along with that we had to sing in the choir and be altar servers (again, this was non-negotiable)

ALSO ALSO whenever there was a funeral at church they would make 3 of the 5th and 6th graders miss recess and lunch and altar serve for it, and since there weren’t a lot of us we all had to do it at least once. i’m talking 10-11 year olds not getting to eat and having to spend an hour and a half plus wearing a whole ass robe in a building with no heating or cooling units full of crying people and a dead body 

the only compensation i ever saw for that was a lollipop btw.

im sure that didnt affect anyone in any way

being super fucking clueless about the world around me until like the middle of 7th grade because, whether intentional or not, i was being sheltered

not knowing gay ppl were a thing until 4th grade and only because i overheard my grandma being homophobic and asked what she was talking about

having shit social skills because my entire school, from preschool to 6th grade consisted of about 80 people, including teachers and i had known the same kids since preschool, so i never had to make new friends.

we also had one teacher for multiple grades (for example, 3rd and 4th grade shared a classroom and teacher, 5th and 6th grade did the same)

going to church every week was literally a part of school. every friday we’d get to class, be there for like 10 minutes to listen to morning announcements, and take a 3 minute walk to church. then we’d spend like an hour and a half there and go back to class

and don’t even get me started on lent, advent, adoration, and benediction.

ok i’m gonna get started anyway

fyi advent is the 22-28 days leading up to xmas. lent is 40 days long, not counting sundays, and lasts from ash wednesday to holy saturday (the day before easter).

so every day during lent and advent we all had to gather in the hall or outside and say a decade of the rosary. for those unfamilliar this means saying one our father, followed by ten hail marys, and one glory be. so that’s like 12 minutes of our time that we could’ve been using to idk learn math. 

and on fridays and mondays we had to do 2 to make up for the weekend so double the time wasted yayyy

we weren’t really allowed freedom of expression either. we were told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it, and that’s it. even in art class.

i understand art teachers having everyone do the same style of project (ie: make a watercolor paining, sculpt something, etc.) but ours legit had us do THE EXACT SAME THING.

like, one time we were doing origami and instead of being like “ok here’s some paper and some designs to choose from go wild kiddos” the teacher was like “make a crane, a star, and an envelope. they all have to be different colors and you can’t use white or black paper. ok go.” 

total bullshit tbh

ill talk more abt her later cuz this is getting long lol

anyways thats my spicy religious trauma 4 u

but jokes on them cause now i’m an nb pan anarcho-communist lmao

[scientistowengottlieb-newtkelly]

10 Year Picrew

tagged by @cheesedemarco so i might as well do this hjskgjksjfjgk thanks bro 💕

2010

~2nd grade, 7-8 yrs old

- loved or thought they loved the color pink Wholeheartedly

- cats made Everything better, thought they might be part cat and loved to imagine that they were because they grew up around cats

- i legit don't know how no one thought "hm, something is Off with this one" but no one picked up on them being Different other than the kids smh so i got picked on a bit

- sisters kept asking if they were gay because they had a fixation on katy perry's "i kissed a girl". did not quite know what being gay was.

- put into a gifted program, got confused, never showed up to classes unless the teacher showed up to get them but thinking back was probably supposed to just leave

- like 2 close friends and that was It

- emotionally invested in binging animal planet docuseries'

- wants to be a vet when they grow up

- lots of really Weird ideas that thinking back on now just resulted in spending time alone and thinking or playing alone

- attention seeker :))) didn't receive any :)))))))

- "why are boys and girls treated so differently, i don't understand?? what makes me a girl??"

- polo.... ticks???

- first time cutting their hair "short" (bob cut, just above the shoulders, Loved It and then Hated It, wanted the mako mori haircut despite mako not existing yet)

- first signs of anxiety showed up around this time

2015 (pt. 1)

6th-7th grade, 12-13 yrs old

- sad emo bitch, honestly

- melodramatic as fuck, i would not be friends with them now if i knew them

- attention seeking at its worst

- anxiety at its worst

- lots of pushing people away and isolating from friends in fear of making things worse for them having to see me emotionally compromised in any way

- lots of having to talk people down because they managed to make friends with probably over half of the school's Depressed Children population and had even more online

- first boyfriend, didn't turn out hjskgjskg peer pressured into a few firsts actually

- loved loved loved black veil brides and h*talia/anime in general, do not come for me and do not ask for details, i will deny ever existing during this time period

- first discovers the lgbtq community

- first makes an instagram account

- first discovers what fandom and fanfics are

- first writes fanfics like a fucking madman, literally could pull three short fics out of their ass every day, edited and everything, but never posted them out of fear of rejection and criticism

- really REALLY wants to be an author but doesn't have any kind of faith in themself or their ability

- makes friends who like their writing and latches onto them for the next Ever (still friends with them now 🥰)

- couldn't manage their obsessions with fiction and it negatively affected their life in a few ways

- first girlfriend, still miss her as a friend, but didn't turn out because they still had a lot of Emotions they didn't know how to process

- joins kik and makes a lifelong friend and qpp :))

- finally let themself say fuck. come on bb u can do it just not in front of ur parents ok?

- "i HATE politics that shit is SO ANNOYING and i will NEVER be political ùmú rawr xd >:((((("

- maybe like two other girlfriends or so, was Really Just Going Thru It, Wanted To Find Themself (and also didn't know how to say no to people in fear of disappointment)

- noticable difficulty keeping track in school compared to before

- miles mckenna

- "wait, you can trans your gender?"

2015 (pt. 2)

7th grade, 13 yrs old

- still probably wouldn't be friends with them but better than before

- mom upon being asked to let me cut my hair in the "ellen cut": BUT YOU'LL LOOK LIKE A LESBIAN???

- my reaction, still partially in the closet: YES. AND???

- technically out as genderfluid and pan, did nothing to actually insinuate they wanted to shift what pronouns people used for them because "Oh But What A Burden That Would Be On Others :("

- happier with themselves but still Going Thru It because they didn't know how to put their feelings into words yet

- also a constantly fear of being perceived as annoying or a nuisance

- touch aversion appeared out of seemingly nowhere, got worse over the course of the next two years or so

- sleep deprivation ×1000000000

- more school difficulties,,,

2020

high school senior, nearly 18 yrs old

- successfully transed their gender... mostly. almost 2 years on t. will probably never be out as nonbinary to most family. but at least they have a mullet-in-progress

- been in therapy for somewhere over 2 years, maybe close to 3??

- somewhat learned how to say no and stand up for themself and has removed toxic people from their life successfully :))

- actually has some semblance of confidence!!! you go bitch!!! comfortable in their body after t once they realized their remaining dysphoria was almost strictly social

- emotionally good but physically and mentally running on fumes and fixations

- has come to realize that they probably have undiagnosed adhd and that their therapist needs to get bent because he keeps telling them "no" and then after they talk to him about it he goes "ok maybe..." with no real answer, thanks roger 💕

- overly friendly???? just wants to make people smile and this time knows that if they don't that it's okay because at least they got to smile about it

- fixated HEAVILY on pacific rim and iasip, and torchwood (but mostly just on charlie day and burn gorman BECAUSE of pacific rim hjskgjskjgkahgkg)

- trying to get back into writing fics so hard but things just do no be coming as easily as they once did

- "i type in all lowercase because i FUCKING HATE CAPITALISM"

- probably a maoist idk i'm still Learning new things every day

- manages to actually run a tumblr blog and make friends without having borderline panic attacks??? fun times y'all

- extremely grateful to see how far they've managed to get :)

sorry for uhhhhh putting my life's story on here LMAO anyway. i tag ummmmm anyone who sees this and wants to do it!!! here's the picrew!!! have fun!!!

[gimmeyoon]

Tag Game

tagged by: @ddaenggtan whom I love and is one half of two spider-man’s pointing at each other

:: nickname(s): B, BayB, Sherbert (Based on my real name this is risky), Bob (Because my phone autocorrects BB to Bob and so my best friend and I call each other that).

:: bias: In BTS, Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jungkook (Because I am a whore)

:: blood type: I genuinely do not know, I think A+ .....

:: favourite food: Tofu and rice from a very specific Chinese place near my undergrad school OR from Sticky Rice, Asparagus, Pasta of any type, Tofurky sandwich

:: birthday: March 11, 1997

:: zodiac: Pisces Sun, Aries Moon, Sagittarius Rising

:: pronouns: she/her

:: hair length: OKAY right now it is SO LONG I’ve had short hair since I started senior year of High School, and now, 6 years later, my hair is an inch or 2 past my shoulders (I think I should cut it)

:: height: i am 5′3″ and one time I said “tall people should always be afraid” as I stood on a stool because BEING THAT HIGH UP IS SCARY 

:: a crush: I have a new crush every room I walk into I am hopeless also what ever happened to Alex the regular that I blushed around why did he stop coming to my Starbucks Alex I miss you

:: what do you like about yourself: I like my style and my confidence. I took me a really long time to feel good about myself, but I feel like I’m finally as confident as everyone always thought I was. I like my creativity and how empathetic I am. 

:: left or right handed: I am right handed but live in fear that I was supposed to be left handed based on my mom’s haunted memory of taking the marker out of my left hand as a child and putting it into my right and immediately regretting it.

:: list of 3 favourite colours: CURRENTLY: pastel pink, neon green, and pastel purple

:: (right now) eating: nothing, but I have a Mediterranean grain bowl from Panera in front of me  for later so I could use their wifi

:: (right now) drinking: Starbucks venti iced coffee with soy, light ice, and 3 pumps of cinnamon dolce syrup.

:: i’m about to: start planning for Spring semester which starts tomorrow! 

:: listening to: my Korean music playlist, which is named 음악, because Google translate told me that’s how you write music in Korean, if it’s wrong please tell me I don’t want to be embarrassed. It’s my most listened to playlist and more specifically I am listening to Tell Me What To Do by SHINee

:: kids: Does my cat count? I call her my baby and her name is Mochi. Or is this like do I want to have them? Yes, I have wanted to be a mom since I was very little, but that’s also maybe because of child hood trauma that we do not have time to unpack, anyways I always pictured myself as a mom but like not as a wife? So kids even if I’m a single mom. 

:: get married: LMAO according to the above I am not like that invested in it, but also I am down to get married one day. I’m genuinely happy alone and I don’t actively seek out romantic relationships BUT ALSO I WANT TO BE LOVED DAMN IT. Idk one day but no time soon.

:: recent phone call: My mom because she face timed me and I could tell it was a butt dial and I was right. 

:: (have u ever) dated someone twice: No. I am the type of person that is done when I’m done and my mind isn’t going to be changed. Also I never liked anyone I dated that much OOP.

:: been cheated on: Probably, like they swore to the end that they didn’t, but he immediately started dating the girl (my best friend) that I swore he was cheating on me with SO LIKE EMOTIONALLY YES.

:: kissed someone and regretted it: Literally one of my boyfriends, and yet even after regretting the kiss I DATED HIM WHAT THE HELL

:: lost someone special: Yes. No way to make this entertaining or funny sorry.

:: been depressed: We are thicc into the effects of seasonal affective disorder SO YES (I’m sorry that effects my work on this blog and is proof that being depressed TM does not make you a better artist I CANT DO SHIT RIGHT NOW)

:: been drunk and thrown up: OKAY so yes, the first time was my freshman year of college and I WAS WASTED, and then not again until MY SENIOR YEAR where I would be LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DRINK. I learned the hard way that when I am out and my friend says WHO WANTS TO DO SHOTS if my immediate answer is yes, it should be no, because I never want to take a shot unless I am already too drunk. 

:: had glasses or contacts: I have both! I’ve had glasses since the first grade and I got contacts in the 7th grade, which I prefer because I like seeing in my peripheral.

:: had sex on the first date: well as a Virgin TM, no

:: broken someone’s heart: Yes, and I am not sorry OOP

:: turned someone down: Yes, and it is always awkward I hate it

:: cried when someone died: Yes, every time

:: fallen for a friend: Yes, refer back to I have a new crush every room I enter 

:: (in the last year have you) made a new friend: YES, I moved to a whole new state and made friends on this here website

:: laughed until u cried: Yes and its one of my favorite emotions

:: met someone who changed u: I think everyone we truly get to know and meet changes us in some way.

:: found out who your true friends were: Yes and that shit hurted

:: found out someone was talking about you: Probably, I am pretty oblivious to things like that, so I could genuinely never realize. 

:: lips or eyes: Eyes I guess. I’ve never thought about it but I guess I think more about eyes than lips when it comes to a person. 

:: hugs or kisses: Kisses are great but HUGS hit DIFFERENT. You can kiss random people and it means nothing except hey you’re hot, but THE THOUGHT of the person I love hugging me tight EUPHORIC

:: romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous romantic gestures

:: hookup or relationship: Relationship, even though like to think I’m a bad bitch that can’t be locked down, I also need to be comfortable with a person before I can be intimate.

:: first best friend: from birth until the beginning of high school, growing apart from her was worse than any break-up I’ve ever had and I still think about how my mom held me in the car while I cried about the end of our friendship. 

:: surgery: nope

:: sports i joined: I did Softball and basketball until high school, played JV volleyball for one year in the 8th grade, and then after that I was a Cheerleader.

:: do u believe in yourself: Sometimes. Recently when Fall semester ended I thought I did really poorly on my final papers, but when I presented in both classes people were really impressed. I had even started to wonder if trying to get my PhD was unrealistic. I think it was the reminder I needed that I am smart and strong and I can do most things if I set my mind to them, so I’m dedicated to believing in myself in 2020.

:: miracles: I don’t know. Maybe. I hate to take a strong stance and say no, but I’ve also never seen one. 

:: love at first sight: I believe in like at first sight, but not love. Love is a verb and requires work. Love is so much more than just seeing someone, it involves looking into their soul and saying I recognize the light in you and I love it. 

:: heaven: I was raised religious but idk man. It’s crazy because of how strongly I felt about this 6 years ago.

:: do u have any pets: My parents have a dog that I lived with until 6 months ago and I have a cat. I want another cat uwu.

:: do u want to change your name: No, I love my name. But my alias on here, I think about changing it all the time.

:: what did u do for your last birthday: I went out with my friends, and did really cute makeup, and was really feeling myself. 

:: what time did u wake up today: I got to sleep in since I had the day off, so 10:00 am.

:: what were u doing last night at midnight: Sleeping my dude, I passed out at like 10:00 pm

:: something i can’t wait for: my whole life I’ve been waiting to live the life I want to live, and I know this is a sad thing to say, but I still feel that way. It’s hard to change my mentality, but I’m very future focused. 

:: last time u saw your mum: AHHH recently! My parents came up last week and I got to see them for the first time since November, and my mom cried WHEN SHE WALKED INTO MY APARTMENT 

:: what is one thing u wish u could change about your life: I wish I could finally make a solid group of friends where I currently live, but I am very nervous about it and I don’t put myself out there ooof I also would like to stop procrastinating the things I want to do like my YouTube channel and I want to stop being depressed and I want to go to NYC more often

I’d like to tag…. @strawbxxymilk @honiboyyoon @helpitskpop @sketchguk 

[ihavenoconsistentname]

Lmao gotta repost it I did something and it fucked up the read more

Anyways 

Long ramble about SkillsUSA skip it if you dont have interest in reading this

So anywsays SkillsUSA Holy FUCK was it fun and I'm really excited for State and I'm so keen on getting to Nationals I worked so hard on my pin design I really love it I'm so proud of it and I'm confident with it much more now because everyone has been supporting me and saying they love the pin design and I've just been super fucking excited about it I was nervous as hell because I'm bad at speaking for more than like 2 seconds and I had to give a 5-7 minute speech on how I created my design and shit and I think I barely filled 3 minutes at district but practicing at meetings I got up to 4:45 at one point and I didn't fuck up too much when I spoke at district But I don't have that same room to make a damn mistake at State, I'm confident with my pin design but not so much my speaking so I need to work on that a bit, I caught myself when I was going to fast at the start, I tried to remember what to say, and apparently I did really good, the guy escorting me I told him on the way to the room that I'm not the best at speaking and when he left he said "And I thought you said you were bad at speaking? You did really good!" And I was happy!! I was glad I did good and I know I did good but I also know I can and should do better So I wanna work on that Afterwards when Mads and I were hanging in 7th period with Katherine, Kat even said SkillsUSA isn't about winning, you don't go to WIN, you go for the experience, you go for the challenge, you go to learn and improve and have fun and THAT'S what SkillsUSA is all about, and it really is!! Like, I said this in my speech for the judges: 6th grade me? Never would have done this shit. She never would have done this shit. 7th grade? He probably wouldn't either. He would want to, but he would back out on the idea and think nah I can't do that I'm too awkward and not skilled enough and he wouldn't even TRY to take the opportunity. Me now? I was fucking tired of it. I'm fucking tired of not being able to just have some DAMN fun with my interest and god dammit I was going to do this pin design challenge. I heard it and immediately I went to Mads and said sign me the fuck up for this SkillsUSA business and I went with her to the first meeting and I went to every meeting I could possibly go to afterwards and I fucking did it. I pulled through, I learned well enough how to speak or at least calm my damn nerves enough to speak, I learned how to use the computer software, I learned how to adjust my design according to feedback, I fucking learned things and I'm GOING to use my experience at district to grow and work on it so that I can win at State and go to Nationals and make everyone proud. But most importantly? I'm going to go and have some fucking fun with this. I'm gonna have the best time ever and I'm gonna try my best because god dammit everyone is proud of me, I'm proud of myself, I have some fucking CONFIDENCE for once. 6th grade me would have been like no no no i cant do this i cant, 7th grade me would have been like well that was because I had no competition, I'm not going to get any farther than this. But me now? I will practice and go to state and I WILL fucking win. I don't need to win 1st place in Nationals, but son of a bitch I am getting there at LEAST. I'm gonna overcome my fuckin speaking challenges, I'm gonna learn how to stay calm and collected, I'm gonna even try talking to the other contestants, I'm gonna maintain confidence, and I'm just gonna do my damn best. I don't want to get to Nationals without Mads and she doesn't want to get to Nationals without me, so dammit I am going to get there and I know damn well she'll make it to because she's amazing and I know she'll be okay with Thomas and Brandon, they'll pull through, they'll learn and improve just like I will. So that part is over now I just wanna talk about how much fun I had. I had so much fun today. We all did. Hezekiah won gold medal against Sase (who got silver) for job skills demo, Mads, Brandon, and Thomas won gold for team engineering, and I won gold for pin design. Hezekiah and Sase were the only two with actual competition out of the 6 of us, but we were all still proud of ourselves. So all of us are going to State (maybe not Sase but he technically still could because he got 2nd and if you get in the top 3 winnings you qualify to go to state and compete). After that we just have to win against the other middle school competition and we get to Nationals. But that aside again it was really fun. We did a few things. For one thing we had a lot of trouble with a vending machine- we couldn't get it to work and eventually Ms Hamilton was like alright come on we're getting actual food and we went over in the cold to get food from a little grill tent where they made hot dogs and burgers (which were actually plant-based ones and they were pretty damn good). Brandon had to yoink Sase's windbreaker from him because Brandon didn't have one (didn't need one) and it was cold af so yea. And Thomas' parents actually paid for us to all get food there so that was fucking amazing and he made sure to thank them on all our behalf for that. So we went back to the little vending machine lunch room and we talked about random shit I don't remember all of it but it involved stuff with teachers and all that. I also played minecraft and messed with bees, Brandon asked if I had diamonds yet and I didn't cause I just started the new world. After that we just went back over to the big room where the ceremony would be and we sat in the same uncomfy chairs as before, I played minecraft, they set out board games n stuff on the side, all that shit. (Before that tho we had all competed). After that I think we took some pictures, sat around for a while, eventually went to retrieve my board and binder from the room they kept it in, more minecraft, took a walk with Mads because our legs hurt from sitting down forever, came back and they had the ceremony, a lot of clapping for people we didn't know, extra clapping for each other (especially Hezekiah), after that we took a couple more pictures and got the fuck out, talked a lot in the car, went to Steak n Shake, went back to school, Mads and I just stayed in Ms Hamilton's room with Katherine the rest of the day, we talked about random stuff- Really fun today. It was the best damn day ever. Honestly. And that ties back to how SkillsUSA is about the whole experience you get to have. It's fucking amazing.