#also like being able to queue my videos and watch in an order that I put

[channelworldbluez]

Me realizing YouTube was hoeing my ass by making me pay five dollars extra by subscribing to Premium via Apple. Never again, and before you say “just get Adblock “ I did have that on my pc. But on mobile it was hard to find ad blocks that worked good or didn’t sacrificed quality of the video. Also, as much as I hate subscription services YouTube premium does have it positives besides no ads. But still, wish we didn’t have to pay for convenience but it is what it is.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 141

Last week I posted a day early because vacation was doing vacation things to my sense of time.... This week I forgot to queue the chapter up because Monday was a work holiday, so I forgot today was Tuesday. *insert facepalm here please*

Thanks on this one go largely to @baelpenrose who rightfully pointed out that one part made very little sense to him and therefore was unlikely to make sense to a reader.  The clarification smoothed things out quite a bit, I think.  Just in case, whoever spots the area I’m talking about gets a cookie as soon as travel restrictions lift.

As always, thanks go also to @the-raven-fae, @charlylimph-blog, and @anotherusrname for completing the corners of my support system. And, a super-duper extra-special to @drinksteawithcake! I don’t know if I am allowed to tell everyone why, but you know why you get the extra-special, and I hope you are having fun!

BWAAAAAHP!   BWAAAAAHP!

“Uhhh?” I squinted in complaint as flailing arms clambered over me. One pair snagged me around my waist to drag me from bed before depositing me shakily on my feet. “What are you - ?”

BWAAAAAHP!  BWAAAAAHP!

Any trace of sleep was shoved out of my system, replaced by sizzling alertness when I realized I was hearing ship-wide alarms.  Shoving myself into the first clothing I grabbed, not even bothering with shoes, I was hot on Conor and Maverick’s heels as we raced out of our quarters and into the corridor. We paused only long enough for both men to kiss me and for “I love yous” to be exchanged before they turned and headed toward the areas indicated on their datascreens, while I hauled ass toward the Archives, ducking and twisting to avoid anyone in my path.

“Forty minutes,” Tyche told me crisply as I basically fell through the door, panting. “The Ark could be invaded and the battle over by the time you make it.”

“I ran….huff….the whole….ugh….way….” I managed to gasp out.  Part of me felt like puking, but I was pretty sure the muscles in my abdomen were too busy to figure out the logistics.

Clicking her tongue, she pulled me up from the floor. “Alistair, make a note to suggest to Xio that Sophia’s quarters be relocated once we have a better idea of when we are dropping into real space.”

I nodded numbly. “And probably… amp up… sensors… give… earlier… warning.”

“Nice outfit, by the way,” she laughed quietly as we finally reached the shelter point within the Archives.

Glancing down, I had to suppress a sigh. The first thing I grabbed to dress myself had apparently been a pair of Conor’s boxer shorts and a very filthy t-shirt that I assumed belonged to Maverick, since Conor’s was usually under coveralls. “At least you can’t say I took my time getting dressed.”

Her shaking head was greeted by faces in various states of wakefulness - this had been a drill, and woke nearly the entire Ark during their sleep interval on Delta shift.  But we weren’t out of the woods, yet: the drill didn’t end until all of Xiomara and Evan’s scenarios played out, including the mock combat and various tests of concealment for the other shelters.  As such, Tyche stood guard over the choke-point into this section, while Alistair had stayed behind at the entrance.

Early on, when the drills started, there had been fifty-fifty odds that the mock-invaders would make it this far, but over the past few weeks, that had narrowed to maybe twenty-percent.  It was still too high a chance in my judgement, and Xiomara clearly agreed as she stepped up training schedules and randomized the timing of the drills. 

Taking a swig of water from a stash of bottles, I queued up my datapad and stood next to Tyche, watching the ‘casualties’ from a point where no one could see over my shoulder to avoid panic, which I would have done in a real situation. “They didn’t find mess hall seven this time,” I murmured.

She glanced at my screen. “Acoustics are still too damned high. She must not be simulating for that this go around.”

One of the decoy locations lit up. “Looks like this time it’s heavy on thermal.” The location in question had been equipped with a cooking surface, triggered to activate when the klaxons that had woken me up went off.  Which Xiomara knew, but did not tell the ‘pirates’ for authenticity.

“How did they get past the combatants this time?” She asked, both curious and slightly worried.

Rolling back the sensor data, I watched it carefully. “Looks like these got in during the initial breaches, multiple points. But the line has held since, that’s good.”

Doing another check toward Alistair’s direction, she didn’t seem to see anything concerning. “How many?”

“Four,” I confirmed.  “Sam’s thermal camouflage is working beautifully, though.”  I couldn’t help but grin, and Tyche snorted at the same time. ‘Thermal camouflage’ was a bit of overkill as a name, but it was working well in every round. Potential access points were equipped with fast-acting environmental simulators - originally designed for temporary habitats on inhospitable moons - modified to release atmosphere like a Terran equatorial rainforest within one minute in an enclosed space.  It was a much more simple and elegant solution than any others we had found for giving combatants defending the Ark an advantage - instead of trying to create technology to make them look colder, make the entire area match human heat signatures.  Boom, instantly blinded enemies.

A tense half-hour later, the ‘all clear’ sounded, queueing grumbling from those who had dozed back off as everyone stood to make their ways back to their quarters. I waited with Alistair and Tyche for everyone else to be accounted for on the way out, and the three of us headed back toward our quarters together.  Alistair peeled off first, living closest to the Archives, and no sooner had my sister and I reached my door than the page sounded for the post-drill meeting.  She waved me off as she answered on her databand, and I did the same as I pushed into my quarters and flopped on the couch. “Councillor Sophia Reid, present, audio only,” I answered. “And no jokes, Pranav… I look like I smell awful.”

“Alistair Worthington, present, audio and video. I can confirm that she does, and she does.”

Laughter filled the comms and the rest of the group leaders and Councillors joined the debrief.  Finally, everyone was present and Xiomara called the meeting to order.  First, the leaders of each shelter reported in, as those usually went the fastest. There were a couple malfunctions in the deployment of the shielding to disguise the entrances and hide heat and electrical signatures, but nothing Huynh’s team couldn’t fix.  Tyche and Alistair made the recommendations around earlier detection and the need to move those sheltering in the  Archives closer as we approached time to drop out of relativistic space. 

Once that was out of the way, it was on to the combat and invasion teams. Overall consensus was that Sam’s trick with the portable environments was a rousing success and would be installed at each point determined to be most likely as a breach, with trigger conditions to be determined later. “I hate to say it,” Michael sighed, “but we also need Charly’s team to crank up the scovilles on the arrows and grenades.” His team had played the ‘invaders’ this go around, equipped with sensors and readouts to simulate the effect our defenses would have on the various species who most commonly were found on pirate vessels.  Evan had worked intensely with Pranav and Derek to ensure that the strategies provided by the readouts were modelled after similar strategies based on which ever species each team member was assigned, to ensure we weren’t accidentally drilling against human tactics.

Michael hated it, but he was strict about his team complying nonetheless.

“Seriously?” I squawked, and I wasn’t the only one. “One of those things accidentally went off in my quarters…. Can confirm, they’re pretty potent.”

“They dissipated too fast against my team, and also the contact element left a lot to be desired. Charly, you may want to consider adding a sticking element.”

“Duly noted,” she chimed in with a yawn, her normal pep doused by being woken up and then the drop in adrenaline post-combat.

“What about the sonic weapons?” Xiomara asked, moving the meeting along.

“Still less effective than Nixe is on her own,” a familiar voice I couldn’t put a name to responded with a sheepish tone.  “How hard would it be to train more people to shatter glass with their voice?”

“Incredibly,” Grey stressed. “It takes a very unique combination of training and the right vocal chords.”

“Then we may need to work on adding a projection component.  The sonic devices can match the pitch, but not the actual tone and direction. They’re very effective given time and especially contact, but we need something more immediately disabling.”

Xiomara groaned. “Are we back to Mariah Carey on this one?” Objections exploded until she muted the comms. “It’s that or opera.” Votes started scrolling up the screen, and I could see Xio nod. “Opera it is.  Let’s find a suitable piece and try using more analogue-style speakers.”

“I still say that death metal would work better,” Arthur suggested as soon as the comms were back on.

“Annnnd we already tested it, I will remind you. The volume works, but the pitches aren’t high enough to hit a broad enough population of species sensitive to sound.” After that nearly-obligatory objection, the meeting continued going through reports from each combat team until finally Xiomara announced the end results. “I have to admit, this was one of our best drills yet. Ten percent casualties of the combatants defending the breaches, only two percent among non-combatants, and the invaders were only able to traverse three decks before they were subdued.” She let the cheers go for a couple seconds before getting everyone’s attention again. “Yes, great job on the improvements, but let me remind everyone - those numbers still leave us below threshold for a healthy genetic population. Engineering teams, make the necessary adjustments with whatever resources are necessary. Shelters Three and Seven, you will start training for armed and unarmed combat with Shelter Fourteen and Combat Team Two daily.  Sophia, your team will coordinate schedules. Any questions?”

There were no arguments, not even a groan or mutter as the meeting was dismissed. Before I could even add the new task to my agenda the next day, I received the notification that Alistair had beaten me to the punch.

Glancing at the time, I wanted to hit something.  I had to be back up and at work in four hours, and the realization weighed me down with exhaustion.  The guys had come in and gone to bed while I was in the debrief, and I could already hear synchronized snoring coming from the bedroom.  Rather than risk waking them with my now-frozen feet, I pulled the quilt off the back of my couch and rolled myself into it.  Only minutes later, a heavy weight oozed across my hip and started purring furiously.

“Yeah, buddy. I agree. We need a nap.”

<< Prev  Masterlist  Next >>

[rhysdarbyarchive]

okay, so in order to pad out my queue, and to have an excuse to talk about even more obscure Rhys things that I can't find, I'm going to start a new recurring thing on here called Rhys Darby Lost(?) Media(??)

and I'll have a much unnecessarily longer explanation of what I mean under the cut, but basically they'll just be little posts to talk about things that Rhys did that 1) I can't find a copy of online or 2) there was never a recording of it in the first place

so when I was first thinking about how I wanted to talk about all these random ass Rhys things I wanted to talk about, the first way that I structured it was as an iceberg chart, because I spend too much time watching those videos and thought it would be funny to do one about an actor/comedian and random shit he's been in that I want people to know about. but I don't make Youtube videos and I would've wanted to explain everything anyway so it seemed kind of silly to just make the chart and post it on a subreddit where maybe 5 people care about Rhys Darby.

but anyway the bottom tier of this iceberg was going to be "lost media," which is a common theme/genre in iceberg charts/videos, of stuff that used to exist but you can't really find anymore, intentionally so or otherwise, and those are one of my favorite kinds to watch lol. and even though lost media videos are usually really dark or weird or focus on cartoons or something, again it just seemed funny/ironic to label these things that Rhys Darby has (or possibly hasn't, which I'll get into) done that don't exist on the Internet anymore as "lost."

when I first made this blog I made a "wishlist" page, in case anyone was also searching out these random things and happened to find it. but I don't really feel like making a comprehensive list at this point, and no one is going to read it anyway. this just seems more fun lol.

so here's what I mean when I say lost(?):

it is not available on the original distributor's website, even in the country of origin/with a VPN

it's not available on DVD (since a lot of stuff Rhys has done was in NZ/Australia/UK I won't be able to watch it at any point anyway, but if I can find a DVD copy of it on eBay or something I'm not going to consider it "lost")

I can't find a version that someone reposted

the video was previously posted online but has since been removed

it is documented in multiple places as something that Rhys has participated in

it's very possible a copy does exist somewhere, either in the bowels of whatever network aired it, on some guy's DVR, or on some video with poor SEO, but I've tried very hard and I can't find it

here's what I mean when I say media(??):

it is questionable whether there were ever any recordings to begin with (eg Rhys's early comedy shows pre-2006ish)

Rhys was slated to be in a pilot/film that was ordered, for example, but it was never filmed. If it was filmed it was never released to the public.

it is only documented in one/a couple/unreliable places that Rhys participated in it, so it’s possible it never actually happened

I'm going to be wrong about some of these being lost but I want to be!! I want to see these random ass things that Rhys has been in! But I do look very hard and use a bunch of different methods/search terms/etc to try to dig these up. And hopefully one day I can update some of these posts and say that I or someone else has found them. But this is mostly for fun and I hope other people find it fun too :)

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Shinkai Hana no Shou Harada After Story Translation

This is my first post of the month, so I’ll start by asking you to please support me if you can through my ko-fi, and paypal or patreon which provides access to my hakuoki blog translations and early access to my postings. Also, please let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my Lookout List since i either do not have audio for those cds or do not have audio that I can share.... and if you are able to remove watermarks from a video, please contact me.  

-------

i don’t really play rhythmic music games... but i gotta say, Deemo Reborn was amazing. my heart is feeling very hurt right now. highly recommend it. 

Anyway, this is my translation of the Harada story from the Hakuoki Shinkai Hana no Shou Stellaworth pre-order bonus booklet「薄桜鬼 真改 華ノ章」ステラワース早期予約特典 小冊子 (....I should really make the Japanese on these particular posts of mine uniform), which was translated from Chinese as always.

Kinda sad that it’s taken me so long to get to finishing these when I consider how the very first translation on my tumblr was for the Saito story and when i posted that... ahahahaaaaa...... lol. *facepalm.* 

Now that this is done, that just leaves the stories for Souji and Heisuke (of which i have now queued) since I don’t have translations of the after stories for Shinpachi, Sanan, Souma, Iba, and Sakamoto (have scans for them should anyone want to translate them or commission someone else to translate them). 

------

Hakuoki Shinkai: Hana no Shou Stellaworth Pre-order Bonus Booklet After Story - Harada Sanosuke

Translation by KumoriYami

The boundless sky and horizon——

The war between the old Shogunate's forces and the New Government Army, and the fighting between humans and oni, had nothing to do with the country on the other side of the sea.  And it was in that place, a [certain] man and woman were [now] living.  

The man's name was Harada Sanosuke, former Tenth Division Captain of the Shinsengumi. While the woman in love with him was the young female oni who had decided to leave Japan with him, Yukimura Chizuru.

After Harada finished his daily firewood delivery, he rode back towards his beloved at home. Ever since coming here, his riding skills have improved by a lot.

After leading the horse back to the stable, he opened the door of this house, which looked a bit lonely in this cold weather.

"Yo, Chizuru, I'm back."

Chizuru, who was leaning over from where she was sitting down in a chair and mending clothes, lifted her head with a smile.

"Welcome back, Sanosuke-san. How was it outside?"

"It's still the same. Although I've been mentally prepared for a while, the coldness of winter here really can't match the degree of coldness in Kyoto."

As Harada spoke, he curtly sat down on his chair. The old chair looked as if it were to collapse at any moment, and made a creaking sound.

"But, it's thankfully very warm at home, right?"

Although it was difficult living in a foreign country where there was a language barrier, Chizuru wasn't the slightest bit dissatisfied, and was still smiling from ear to ear as she responded to his words.

Her appearance made him feel that he would never be able to fully express how thankful he was. Harada, who always felt a little ashamed about this, lightly tousled his hair.

"Nn...... indeed.”

Chizuru who finally finished mending the clothes, then quietly stood up.

"Please wait a bit. I'll go make you some tea."

"No need,  I'll go make the tea, you go and rest.”

"But...…"

"Your body isn't just your own, so don't force yourself...… alright?”

The tone of his voice was slightly more forceful, which was why she sat back down into her chair again.

"Since that's the case, I'll leave it to you. Sanosuke-san.”

"Yosh! Just look forward to it, and watch me make you a delicious cup  of tea.”

After, he tried copying the way that Chizuru made tea——.

"......Ah, sorry, I wanted to make tea like how you usually do.”

The tea that Harada made, was one that someone would have a difficult time calmly drinking. Having seen that, Chizuru made a new cup for him, which tasted quite good. The same tea leaves were obviously used, yet there was such a difference in the taste, and upon seeing this, Harada felt incredulous.

"Please don't worry about it. I'm already thankful for your intentions.”

"...…That so."

Truly, what a kind woman. once again Harada confirmed how kind she was.

When he was thinking about coming to this foreign country, she didn't utter a single complaint, and followed him in silence. Although this method was used to hide her from the oni clans that were pursuing her——.

(If she was born as a human, she wouldn't have had to bear such difficulties.)

Although he felt that Chizuru who had ended up with the Shinsengumi because of various reasons, it was why he tried helping her as much as possible, but it was in that period of time, that he found himself unable to look away from her. He didn't know when it started, but he felt that he was the only one to protect her.

(......No, she was no longer alone.)

As Harada thought this, he stood back up.

"Sanosuke-san?"

After she doubtfully called his name, Harada went over to Chizuru's side, bent his knees slightly, and then placed his hand on her lower abdomen, where a new life was.

"Ah......"

Gently caressing this small and growing life, his heart was brimming with warmth.

(I never thought that I would have a family.)

Because of his rough personality, his hometown wasn't able to handle him, and all sorts of commotions occurred whenever he went somewhere, which was why he cut ties to the place he was born.

(Originally, I thought that I'd be a man who would live like a stray dog, then die alone.....)

He never thought that he would be able to find someone to fall in love with, the chance to start a family, or even have children.

As he gently caressed her now swelling lower abdomen, he worriedly asked a question.

"How's your body doing? I heard that you had a fever a while ago."

"I'm all right, the people nearby have given me plenty of advice."

"What about the language? Were you able to understand it?"

"I've been able to understand a bit more of it recently. Otherwise things will be expressed using body movements and pen and ink/writing.

"...…So it was like that."

Chizuru then placed her hand against Harada's. The soft heartbeat and his warmth were both able to reach her palm.

"Hey, Chizuru."

Hearing the way his voice called out, Chizuru tilted her head.

"As long as I have you and this guy, I don't need anything else. Not even life."

Those were his honest feelings, but the moment he said this, Chizuru's expression became very serious.

"Even if that's a joke, please don't say that. If Sanosuke-san dies, this child and I will not survive.”

He already anticipated Chizuru saying this, but——

"I'm not joking. Ever since I met you, and since we've become husband and wife...…. for the first time, I know that there are things in this world that are more important than my own life and ambitions.”

His words made her blush.

"This...…"

Just from looking at her expression, it was obvious that she thought he was being too serious, but Harada truly felt that what he wasn't an exaggeration. No, if only words were used to convey his inner thoughts, perhaps not even half of them would be conveyed.

Harada lovingly brushed Chizuru's hair which drooped to her shoulders, then spoke.

"Don't worry.  I didn't plan to leave you and this guy to die behind. Even if it looks like that, I'm very confident about how I never give up in life."

"..….I believe you."

In response to his trust, she showed a smile that was brimming with confidence. Seeing her like this, Harada involuntarily smiled back.

---End---

for some reason, i translated track 5 of something... now done track 5 and 6 (of 6) for that drama lol. 

unfortunately, i only got half-way through june for my queue... ugh dammit. still that’s a decent start i suppose tho last week was my last “allowance” time for translating since i anticipate getting a lot busier now... [btw, the 4th ginsei no shou chapter for Saito is at 40% and will be at that completion level for a looong while. will need to have my queue reach november before i can earnestly focus on that game again]... also,  i’m going to assume that with school, most of my game translation videos will take longer to get done (dramas are fairly easy since timing isn’t difficult to set as there’s no text that i need to worry about).

on the plus side though, the yuugiroku dramas are now being moved via cmd...  though for some reason, i can’t see half the on-screen text in the programs i use right now... including notepad, which i use for subtitles, and nimble writer, which is the program i use to write i’ve saved my translations in... and i can’t even view my files properly cuz i can’t see any of the folders or file names...

[emerald-studies]

Diverse Perspectives | Discussion 1

****Whew, Tumblr deleted this entire post that was in my queue, so if there are mistakes in the transcript, sorry. I still highly, highly, suggest you read as you listen. I’ve added resources so you know what we reference in this discussion.***** 

[ It is required to participate and watch/read these discussions, in order to follow me. Participate or get tf out. We aren’t performative in my lil’ area on Tumblr.

This discussion isn’t representative of an entire population or meant to be super professional. It’s to share different perspectives and also is an opportunity for me to practice what I preach: intersectionality. If you’d like to participate in this series please send me a pm or an ask and I’ll get back to you ASAP. We can do a written, audio, or video interview.]

To open this series, I interviewed Rachel, (AKA @reality-wont-ruin-my-life / @emmettisapowerbottom) for her perspective as a Jewish woman.  

Transcript:

I recommend you read while you listen, I’ve made some clarifications because my ADD brain is shitty when I try to speak words.

(it has also been slightly edited for clarity)

-

Faith: OK, thank you for doing this with me, so I just want your perspective because you are a Jewish woman. 

Rachel: Yes.

F: And I feel ... we don't talk about anti-Semitism enough in the right spaces.

R: Yeah.

F: I think we talk about it ... in history and then, ... it's not even called...I don't even remember it being called anti-Semitism, it was being ... framed as ... with this thing of the past that is around. So, first question for you is, 

Do you believe that by learning about the Holocaust in such an apathetic bland setting, which is a classroom, we are being told anti-Semitism is a thing of the past?

R: Um, I think it has less to do with where we learn, because I do think it's really important to learn about ... the history, but I think the way it's taught is really where the issue comes is that they kind of teach it as this one event that's kind of a standalone thing instead of saying ..., hey, this is a historical pattern. So a lot of people seem to think antisemitism started with the Holocaust when there's thousands of years of history of it before that. And then they think it ended when the US joined the war, which the US didn't even join the war to help the Jews. That's a complete lie. So I think it's important that it's taught. But the way it's taught is, you know, you read The Diary of Anne Frank and you look at a few power points. And everyone stares at the Jewish kid ... us ... to--

F: Omg not to make it about me, but I remember watching ... a Jackie Robinson film and (also) learning about slavery in seventh grade. I was ... the only black person in the room. And they're always ... this *looks behind* it's just ... what? (are you looking at?)

R: I think every kind of minority group has that experience where the class talks about something and just ..., you know, everyone's staring at you.

F: Yeah. So, yeah, I agree with you. ..., context matters and I think ... even the pattern or how even the Holocaust even happened, ... it shouldn’t have happened and we're told we're learning about this, so it doesn't happen again, but what are these teachers telling us? They're not telling us what was the process of basically convincing a whole population that it's OK to kill, mass kill, people? So I feel ... it's not really seen in that context. I mean, at least I went to many different schools and, you know, different history classes. And it never really seemed ... it was deeper, ... it was more of ..., you know, this is your homework is about the Holocaust. It's ... this shouldn't be ... it shouldn't be ... that. I don't know how to explain it ... this is more than just ... a piece of paper that we fill out.

R: Definitely, yeah, I think people kind of get lost in that and think it's just this one unit instead of ..., you know. It decimated ... a third of the world's Jewish population and 90 percent of the Romani population.

F: Yeah, and it, I think that also isn't talked about because I did a whole presentation on, ... the experiments that took place and they took, ...disabled people or differently abled, whatever you prefer...and then I know, ..., multiple minority groups were put in those camps. So I also think it's interesting that I mean, .... I don't know how to explain it, I think by making it just about the Jewish population, it's ... “better” for people. People ... they can put it in a box, right, ... this won't affect me if it happened today. But, you know, if you have a family member that's a part of this group or part of the LGBTQ+ ... they were affected. So it's ... this* isn't just .... A certain people's problem. (*The Holocaust)

R: But at the same time, I feel ... especially when learning about and teachers tend to take her Jewishness out of it so that people can relate to it, ... she was a Jewish woman ......don't.

F: Yeah, it's ... you can humanize someone by just seeing them as human, you don't need to make them ... you don't need to make them fit, you know? Um, do you think the Internet has helped or hurt the Jewish community in terms of information and accessibility to the general public?

R: I say a mix of both because for me personally, ... growing up, I really separated myself from my Judaism at home. I was ..., oh, I don't you know, I think this is something you want to do as kids. It's ... you do your bar mitzvah and then you're just ... gone for awhile and finding ... Jewish people on the Internet really helped me reclaim my connection with my family. And now I study it ... it's my college degree... is Judaic studies and the history. But I've found that it's been really helpful for me finding ... Jewish people on the Internet, but at the same time...... conspiracy theories are a huge thing on the Internet, and so many of them are based on anti Semitism without people even realizing. So I think it's the spread of information and the ability to scapegoat groups from the Internet hurts Jews a lot, but it also really helpful for us in finding community within ... Jewish people.

F: Yeah, ... yeah, I can definitely see that because, I mean, I think that's...I've only ever heard the “pro” of social media is meeting people, like-minded people or different people, which I mean, thank you, Tumblr, because of this... but that's the only pro I've ever heard, is just meeting people. So I just think it's interesting that ..., ... there are all these negative things, you know, ... anti vaxxers..Flat earthers, ... “climate change isn't real”. It's just .... At least we get to meet each other? Look on the bright side, I guess.

R: Oh, yeah. You know, take the good with the bad or whatever. I have, but not to the extent some other people have, because I don't really have ... the stereotypical Jewish, which is ridiculous because you come in every color and everything. And also, I do want to say I don't speak for every Jew, every experience, ... I'm an upper class white woman living in Oregon. So, you know, I have a very different perspective than say and also I'm a certain branch of Judaism citizen. So I have a different perspective from ... a Black Orthodox Jew from New York, it’s going to be a very different lifestyle. So I haven't had death threats anything. I just...a lot of middle school and high school was ... when people would find out I was Jewish. ... Can I say, ... a Holocaust joke.?

F: Ugh 

R: No, know, that's ... everyone when you're a kid, that's their first reaction. When you say things ..., oh, now I can make this joke about ovens and ..., please don't do that.

F: Oh, my God, that's so awful. I don't know why they do that.

R: And then all of a choir director once was ..., Oh ... because I got this solo in this piece that was about Anne Frank. She's ..., Oh, yeah, she even looks ... Anne Frank. I was ..., this was on the radio.

F: That's that's not OK. Oh my gosh. It's .... Look, look, she's not ... this, ... she was gorgeous, obviously, I think everyone's gorgeous, but ... she ... I've seen, ..., her eyes on people (edit: I meant she has common features, like everyone else) ... she's not. Yeah, her features are....Oh, my gosh...., it's just because--

R: the things that are considered stereotypical Jewish features are largely Middle Eastern features, ... it's thick hair, ... kind of bushy eyebrows, the nose with the bump, curly, dark, untamed hair.

F: Yeah, and that's just ... such a large (edit: large population), stereotypes are never really accurate. they're based on something dark, ... really dark. It's ... if you actually look into stereotypes on certain groups, it always has a dark origin. So many people have...ugh I’m not just going to even...

*Rachel’s video cuts out*

F: Ok next question: 

Why do you think people of color are able to be anti-Semitic or kinda just hold anti Semitic beliefs, consciously or subconsciously?

R:  I think a lot of it is the perception that being Jewish is inherently tied to having power, and so a lot of communities look at it as punching up, when that’s not the reality of the situation, so I think when... this goes for every other group I think that because that’s the kinda the stereotypical argument for why people don't like Jews is “Oh, well we control the world so other people were super wealthy we’re super rich so people can say, oh I can hate this group because they’re above me, so I’m punching up.”

F: Mhmmm

R: But you know there are Black Jews, there are disabled Jews, there’s...all these intersections. There’s plenty of poor Jews. So there’s this idea that just because you’re Jewish you’re rich and powerful.

F: Hmm. That’s a really good way to look at that, because you know I kinda do see how that falls into the “Eat the rich” or whatever. Um...and I recently learned, is it true, I probably should’ve researched this before, but is the illuminati Semitic? ... the idea of an illuminati?

R: The concept is, largely because of who they claim are in it. They are largely Jewish people. And also, it’s the same thing with the “lizard conspiracy/the lizard people”, which I was explaining this to my Mom...actually let me find the message...I think his name is David Icke? But he’s the creator of the “lizard conspiracy” and he also is a Holocaust denier who simultaneously believes that Jews funded the Holocaust to get ... attention….

F: *scoffs in disgust and utter confusion*

R: ...and to get people to pity them. And so a lot of people with go after Soros or the Rothschilds and say ... “oh they’re a part of the illuminati, they’re lizard people who are controlling the world.” and so, no, the concept of this elite group that runs the world and many of the people you’re putting in it are Jewish people.

F: Hmmm, oh ok.

R: Also throughout history, this goes way before the Holocaust, this has been going on for 2,000 years but ... Jews have been accused of running the-Jews--with the lizards they’ll say “Oh they’ll eat your kids” or they’ll do this thing. So Jews have been accused of this thing called blood libel, which is ... sacrificing Christian children and drinking their blood. Which never happened, there’s no documented cases of this, but we---there were large mass murders of Jewish people in the middle ages and also for stealing communion wafers. They would say that we would steal them and ...….stab them to ... to try and kill Jesus. Which sounds...... I think when we learned that we all laughed uncomfortably...but no you don’t understand, thousands of Jews were murdered for this….this isn’t a funny thing. And so it's this idea of ... this secret...Jewish society that’s gonna kill your kids, steal all the wealth and even--they’ll try to, David Icke, again, I don’t know if I’m pronouncing his name right, I’m sorry. But--

F: Who cares (if you’re pronouncing his name right) honestly?

R: It’s not anti-Semitic because these Jews who I’m accusing aren’t really human...but yes they are.

F: Yeah

R: These are Jewish people.

F:... any group of people are people...so he’s trying to say Jewish people are alien, so it doesn’t count?

R: Pretty much.

F: *wtf confusion laugh*

R: So I think a lot of times the people who spread the conspiracies don’t know….the prices of it. Once you learn, you dig a little deeper, you can see the issue that comes from it.

F: Do you think um that in that sense that memes can be hurtful--or harmful because of ... you know the illuminati meme. So people don’t know that the concept of the illuminati is essentially anti-Semitic, so do you think ... meme culture is contributing to ignorance?

R: I think yeah to some extent, because when it gets widespread enough you know? It becomes normalized and then when someone tries to speak about it and says, “Hey this thing is problematic” they’ll be ... “Oh no it’s just a joke, you’re taking it too seriously, it has nothing to do with that.” Well, if you look back, ... it does and historically these kinds of “jokes” have led to groups being persecuted. It’s just a matter of if someone tells you something is problematic, don’t brush it off.

F: And I would ... to point out that I made a joke about Mark Zuckerberg being a robot lizard in response to um...him uh trying to buy Native lands and I was like “What?”(when someone said it was Semitic) honestly my brain doesn’t even go to---I don’t research who people are. I don’t know why I didn’t know he was Jewish, I didn’t know. And then I went to I forgot what website I went to, I went through all the stereotypes of Jewish people and I didn’t see anything about “lizard”, but it was ...I was trying to find a way to excuse myself...but if someone tells you its wrong, it’s wrong.

R: And I think it’s about being willing to learn and listen ..., I made those jokes. I didn’t realize until earlier this year what the basis of it all was. So I’ve made plenty of jokes about the illuminati and lizard people….and then started reading things by other Jewish people and I was ... “Oh! I never thought about that.” I didn’t connect the dots and put that all together.

F: Yeah and especially with ... jokes ... they’re so modern, memes are so modern, so when we’re told about anti-semitism being framed as a past thing, we do this. So when we use jokes and stuff--I mean non-Jewish people, I think when we use jokes in general, honestly, about any group, we don’t think “Ok what’s the context of this? What’s the history behind this?” Because---BEYONCE friggin’ singing about the illuminati....

R: *laughs*

F: I mean she was kinda ... dragging it, but the jokes get that big. So I feel ...---I don’t know. I want to publicly apologize for calling Mark Zuckerberg a robot lizard because I thought that was a meme and not based in anti-Semitic language.

R: We’ve all done that so many times.

F: I was talking about how he’s ... a robot and acts weird, so it’s completely on me.

What do you want people to know about your culture?

R: Um, that it’s not a monolith. There’s this ongoing joke in the Jewish community that if you have two Jewish people in a room you’ll have three different opinions.

F: *laughs*

R: So we all practice differently, we all have a different relationship with religion and spirituality and that the big thing is that we’re not this all powerful group. I think it confuses people that Judaism isn’t...first off Judeo-Christian is not real we’re not--Judaism and christianity are very different so I get annoyed when they’re lumped together. “Judeo-Christian values” ... no we have completely different values and beliefs.

F: Yeah

R: I think it really confuses people when I tell them that I don’t believe in God but I still consider myself very Jewish, because it’s so intrinsically tied as this just religious concept but because of the persecution that Jewish communities have faced, it’s taken on this double role as an ethnicity and a religion. So ..., I’m a white person, there’s no way that I’m not white but I’m also a Jewish white person so it's kinda a different path, a different history. And I still have this connection with my Judaism, while at the same time, you know, I haven’t been to synagogue since I was 13, so I don’t believe in higher powers and stuff, at least at this point in my life. That could change, but I think it’s such a part of who we are and there’s that generational trauma that Jews are born with--or at least biological because you’re still just as Jewish if you convert to Judaism, I think there’s also this idea, Oh! My cat just came in...

I think there’s also this idea that when you’re controlling the world you're trying to make everyone like you. But Jews don’t proselytize, Jews aren’t trying to make other people Jewish. Which is very different than the way some other religions operate, where it’s going out and trying to get everyone to agree with you so you can save their soul or whatever...

F: Mhm

R: Also when it comes to--this is less for Judaism, this is for every group, ya know I was talking about um The BLM protests and using dark humor. In my experience at least, I think the groups that are affected can use dark humor about it. So ..., Black people can make jokes about police brutality, I can’t make jokes about police brutality because it’s not affecting me personally, so I feel ... Jewish people, we wanna make Jew jokes between ourselves, that’s fine, but when other people make jokes ... ok now it’s uncomfortable because of that power imbalance, ‘cause you haven’t faced a holocaust or gone through these things I’ve gone through as a Jewish person, and I haven’t gone through these other things. So I think when people make a joke “Oh I have a dark sense of humor, I like to use dark humor to cope” well it’s not ... your trauma to cope with. I think that’s with every group that’s gone through something...there’s certain dark humor that you can’t use.

F: Yeah that’s such a good way to put it because ... you may be coping with other things but it’s not the thing you’re talking about, so why do you need to cope with the jokes about that? I’ve heard, anti-Semitic jokes and I’m ... “What the-” *leans back* from ... non- Jewish people and….who is that for? How is that make you feel better as a human? I was like: “Why are you doing this? Shut up.”

R: Yeah.

F: They know it’s wrong...it’s like the “edgy” 4chan type of thing ... *~I’m so edgy~* No your’e not. Personally, I think you’re weak if you can’t come up with a joke that doesn’t hurt a group of people

R: Oh yeah. Oh and then another thing I’d ... people to realize about Judaism is for one….the issue of Judaism and anti-Semitism is separate from the issue of Israel/Palestine and anti-Zionism and also not every Jew has the same opinion on it and we’re not all experts on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, so you don’t need to derail every discussion with “Oh what are your thoughts on Palestine? Do you support Palestine? Do you support Israel?” Because it’s so separate, and such a complex issue. You know because I was born Jewish doesn’t mean that I automatically have this innate knowledge of the entire conflict. It can kinda be used as a way to derail people when talking about anti-Semitism we face, ya know you’ll--I’ve seen this a lot on TikTok where people will make videos talking about things they face and a lot of the comments are “Free Palestine”...well they didn’t mention Palestine, we don’t know their views on Palestine. Just ‘cause you’re Jewish that doesn’t make you a Zionist, just---I’m sure people who have Palestinian heritage doesn’t make you anti-Zionist, ya know? They're separate issues and people ... to lump them into one…..and if someone says that anti-Zionism is treading into Semitism, then we should listen to them because they’re two separate things and you can protest in Israel and not be falling into anti-Semitic tropes. 

F: Right, that’s such a complex subject. I would never ask someone straight up: “Who’s side are you on?!”  because it’s so, so complex. I remember I tried to dedicate a whole day to just researching, “Ok what’s going on?” and it’s just ... so much information it’s just hard because I don’t even want to speak on it because it has nothing to do with me, so I was just trying to get--I remember when it was on the news a lot, right? I’m like trying to understand what you guys are saying, so I like to do background researching and oh my gosh, I can’t imagine summing up your opinion in one sentence about that or why you chose this side and not that. It’s so varied.

R: Ya know I’m still learning about it, I don’t know that much about it so ya know when I try to talk about this Jewish thing they’ll be ... “Oh! What are your thoughts on the  Israeli-Palestinian conflict?” I’m just ... *raises hands up* “I don’t know, I need time to learn more”

F: Yeah it’s like *looks at phone* “hold on a sec (while I research more on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and get back to ya)”

How do you see yourself in your country?

R: Um...it’s complicated because I’m from a privileged family in a privileged area so I know I have intrinsic power in this country, Judaism is easier to hide than other things. You can’t look at me and know I’m Jewish whereas you could look at a Black person and know they’re Black, you could look at a Muslim wearing a headscarf and know they’re Muslim. So it’s much easier to get away with things, I’m not going to be profiled until I open my mouth and say something about my Judaism, but at the same time, there is that fear because we’ve seen it before, Jews in Germany weren’t identifiable by looking at them but it’s on their birth certificate and they started rounding up. So I do get that little pang of panic every time I see “Jewish cemetery desecrated” or “Swastikas drawn on synagogue”...last time I went to synagogue was after the Tree of Life shooting, I went in solidarity and there was ... armed guards outside and it was so scary thinking about “Oh my God there could be a bomb threat, there could be a shooter.” and there’s this idea where I know I have privilege and I know I’m in a position of power but at the same time, ... I know that I have to be ready to flee if something happens, because every few generations of Jews have had to do that, for thousands of years now. So it’s all complex intertwined identity, where-so I call myself “Conditionally white”, I benefit so much from white privilege and everything except my Judaism is white, white, white but then there’s at the same time, I wasn’t considered white under the defining whatever, where you write down your race, in the eyes of the US until ... the 50s. They had white and Jewish as two separate ethnicities or races. It’s such a weird place to be.

F: Yeah and of course, I know you say you are/look white so you have all this privilege and stuff but at the same time, being scared of sharing a part of you that’s...an average white person doesn’t have to be scared of ... saying “Oh I believe this” and then if you feel the fear of sharing that, just in general or fear of a hate crime, that is very valid. And I think sometimes we forget that.

R: It’s interesting sometimes hearing people talk about Judaism. They think of it as this “Oh taking over the world, there’s gotta be a lot of them” it’s ... well, there’s 14 million of us in the world right now, about a third are in Israel, the US has 1.5 million. Compared to that, probably half the world's population is Christian. There's 1 or 2 billion Muslims, we’re a very small group comparatively.

F: I do think the illuminati thing perpetuates that so much, subconsciously or unconsciously….although it’s supposed to be a “smaller group” or whatever but still they make it ... this huge thing kinda framed like Scientology. It’s so weird that people don’t--I’ve heard many Christians claim that “I’m scared to say I’m Christian” and it's just ... that’s so valid for you and I’m not disregarding your experience...the historical context behind it, even people who are Muslim and all these hate crimes...I don’t think I’ve ever seen a hate crime against a Catholic church...

R: Not in a very long time and when it has been, it’s usually between Christian sects.

F: Yeah, that too,  infighting. I dunno where I was going with that. *laughs* but I know what you mean by blowing up this population to be a “threat”. I think that happens with any group that someone disagrees with like the “liberals” “antifa” they blow it up to huge populations, ... “Oh my gosh we’re being invaded!” I’m surprised that more people haven’t seen with, you know the steps to genocide, that’s one of the things (steps), it’s making this group of people a “threat” that’s “invading” a space...I’m surprised that people don’t see that about any group but especially about the Jewish community, AGAIN! That’s not the first time! It’s just constant, there’s no breaks!

R: Yeah that’s most of Jewish history since other major religions came in….you know we haven’t been in power since Christianity came in.

What’s the biggest misconception bout your community?

R: Um, I’d say probably getting back to that rich/powerful thing. Just the, ya know that and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict thing. Those are the two things I hear the most and also Holocaust deniers..which I don’t know why there are so many but there are like or the people who say “Oh yeah it happened but it’s not as bad as they make it seem.”. 

F: Sooo stupid. I just can’t imagine denying any sort of crime against humanity, .. I can’t even talk about it, it makes me so pissed. 

Do you feel like there is adequate representation of your community in the media?

R: Um I think we definitely have more representation than other groups...but I find it to be kind of more one track or stereotypical so it doesn’t show ... the breadth of the Jewish community. The only show about Jews is Unorthodox and that kinda portrays Orthodox Judaism in a not great light. But I think there’s a lot more Jewish….you know they used to say “Jews control Hollywood” because a lot of actors and directors were Jewish and it’s ... “Well, maybe we’re just creative?”

F: *laughing*

R: So theres a lot of famous Jews and I guess a lot of Hollywood producers are Jewish but I think when it comes to actual characters, we don’t see practicing Jews that aren’t relying on stereotypes. But I don’t think the media is particularly targeted harmful to Jews the way it’s targeted other communities.

F: What do you think about the movies about the Holocaust that come out every year? And I’m not saying anything against them, I’m just curious what your take on that is because it’s interesting that I see a lot of these movies come out right? But in school it’s a day lesson, but the media keeps on talking about it. Do you appreciate that? Do you wish the content was better? 

*both laugh*

R: I think some are better done than others. I prefer, my area of study is the Holocaust, so I have to submerse myself in all that stuff because that’s what my thesis is going to be on, it’s frustrating sometimes to see the fictionalized stories pushed over the real ones, especially the ones that have Christian charac---Boy in the Striped Pajamas made sob when I first watched it. Then I watched it again and I realized you’re only side because the little Christian kid dies.

F: *gasps in awe/mind blown* Ugh you gotta put that somewhere and share it because that’s such a good point!

R: And then there's, there was drama about some of the Holocaust books and they were ... hey “this  isn’t a real story this didn’t happen but your pushing it as a real story”. So I….there’s so many real life tragedies that sometimes it seems a little weird that  you create your fake characters about it. But at the same time, I do enjoy Holocaust movies ... I do consume content but there does seem ... a weird disproportionate obsession with it. I’ve said this to my family, I don’t really trust non-Jews who are super into WW2. ... there’s something about it, why are you so into it? “... I think it’s cool how that could happen, it’s cool to think about how….” I don’t really trust your motives, there’s something off to me. I think when it’s their personality is ... WW2! Holocaust!...Why are you so invested in this? 

F: Oh my gosh yeah. Do you think there could be more movies about real people in real stories? ... I’ll look at “Is this movie true” (On google) ... The Boy in the Striped Pajamas So (I looked up) “Is this true” and it said, “Ummm no.” and it’s like... OK but wouldn’t it be more impactful to have real stories that are told?

R: I think so to some extent but I also don’t think they should do it without permission and sometimes there isn’t someone’s permission to ask.

F: Right.

R: But you don’t want those stories to die, you know if there’s a family left and this story is important and you don’t want it to get lost in the books but you know, so much has already been taken from the Jewish community...you have to weigh whether or not it’s worth it to contribute to that to get a story out there.

Do you think some directors and writers choose to make a story about the Holocaust as Oscar bait? 

R: Probably. I think tragedies tend to do well in the awards circuit and I think tragedies about white people especially tend to do well. So I think if you...have this event, something that everyone knows about, everyone knows about the Holocaust, and they go “Ok well they’re not going to turn down this story about this kid in the Holocaust”. I don’t know every director's intention, there could be some who want to get the story out there. But I do think it’s easier to get something about a major historical event.

Do you feel that Jewish people are put in a box, only being seen as victims?

R: I’d say it’s usually the opposite. I’d feel ... both sides of the political spectrum put Jewish people in this box of “oppressor”.

F: Mhmmm

R: You see it because it’s one of those groups that gets hit on both sides. Where ... a lot of people say “Oh yeah well in the Holocaust you were all the victims.” which doesn’t annoy me because you’ll see these people say “They just willingly got on the carts to drive to camps and no one fought back.” well, no there were militias there were uprisings. They weren't just happily getting on these buses and not fighting for their lives. So I do think there’s a lot of victimization when it comes to the Holocaust, but a lot of people say “That was in the past, now no one’s attacking the Jews, no one’s doing anything so they’re taking advantage of us”. So I think in a historical context Jews are placed in a box of victimhood but in a modern context, it’s flipped.

F: Hm. How do you see left v. right, can you explain how you’ve seen each group take hits at the Jewish community?

R: Yeah

F: Kinda ... just a few points for people to watch and look out for?

R: The right is pretty much what you’d expect, neo-Nazis, swastikas, SS tattoos which is not fun, I don’t like seeing those. You see these white supremacists and I think on the left, they think all the Jews in that group are included in the white supremacy, when we’re explicitly excluded, we are not considered white by white supremacist standards. But you see the left use Steven Miller and Jared Kushner who, you know, they’re Jewish, they’re also terrible people but they happen to be Jewish...and them being terrible doesn't make them not Jewish but you see people like that...from the left we see a lot more of the anti-semitism coming out kinda disguised by anti-Zionism.

F: Mhmm

R: Again, I think there are perfectly valid reasons to be anti-Zionist. Another issue I have that the left like to do, which sometimes is valid and sometimes isn’t, is comparing things to the Holocaust.

F: Mhmm

R: Sometimes I think that’s…..can compare something, especially if Jewish people are saying that “Hey, these are things that we were seeing happening in Nazi Germany that we’re seeing now.” I remember getting really upset when I was seeing vegans compare animal farming to the Holocaust and ... yeah I have a lot of issues with the meat industry but don’t conflate those two things ‘cause its basically saying Jewish people are cattle. That’s how it comes out to the Jewish people.

F: Yeah I just looked up, I just wanted to make sure, yeah I have definitely heard that in the vegan community and it does bother me, um...I um feel like genocide is a better way to put it because it’s a mass killing of a population, the Holocaust-

R: Yeah the Holocaust is tied to a specific event. 

F: Yeah, so I have also seen a video of a Holocaust survivor who went vegan, who compared it to the Holocaust, but I think that is his right.

R: Yeah when you are affected. If someone is from a group and critiquing a way a group is handling something, ok I’ll listen to your side of this but when it’s an outsider, I’m not sure you have a say in that.

F: No, and even the way the Holocaust happened, the steps to the Holocaust didn’t happen to animals, the animals weren’t stereotyped, they weren’t vilified. I don’t think it’s accurate.

R: At the same time I don’t think it’s just comparing everything to the Holocaust, just listen to Jewish people when we start saying, “Hey, this is looking eerily similar.”. I remember in 2015/16 I remember saying, “Hey when you look at his platform,” I’m sure we all know who he is--

*laughs*

R: “he has pretty much the textbook definition of fascism.” “Oh no, he doesn’t have this one step, it’s fine.” And then he’ll pass that step and it’s like, “Hey guys, I told you we’ve seen this before….these are the 14 steps and we’re at like 12 now.”

F: Yeah and you’ve studied it so you’d think that people would listen to you.

R: Yeah I started learning about the Holocaust, probably ... first grade in Hebrew school. Ya know ... I’ve seen all these pict---also if people could not just share these Holocaust pictures, constantly without any warning, ... those are photos that are traumatic to a lot of us. Now, I’m used to seeing them again because it’s what I study but you see people, they’ll share things, when they’re comparing to the Holocaust, they’ll put like a Holocaust photo...you know those are people ... that I know. Those are my Grandparent’s friends, those are the parents of one of my teachers. I feel like people forget, they lump it into the numbers “Oh yeah 6 million Jews died”, but yeah each of those 6 million was a person. So when you post a photos, piles of dead bodies, those are people. 

F: I don’t agree with that either, even our presentations we would do about the Holocaust, it didn’t feel right seeing these people put behind a title.

R: I feel like people get swept up by the numbers that they forget it’s people. It’s real people who went through this. And it’s sad because we’re getting to that time because the last of the Holocaust survivors are reaching the end of their lifespan, so it’s gonna be harder and harder to have people come in and tell you firsthand, which helps to humanize it. 

F: Yeah and especially the deniers, what going to happen when these people--and thank goodness they survived, hopefully they have a peaceful passing, but once they’re gone they’re going to be like “Oh no one has been there….”

R: So another thing, I went to a racist white high school. We had a lot of issues, we had 3 Black people at my school and we had issues with graffiti slurs against the Black people, so they brought in a Holocaust survivor to talk about tolerance, but it was very propaganda. So this Holocaust survivor came in and talked about how they befriended one of the nazi guards and I was like “This is not the story that we need to be sharing…

F: Wh-what?

R:... this nazi guard and this Jewish person became friend like that’s not how it is for the 99.9% of them. Don’t use it as your propaganda for tolerance saying “Yeah the victims and the ones who are hurting them should just like this person should just forget about what happened to them and just be friends with them.” So I think it’s just used as propaganda a lot instead of letting it stand as the story it is. 

F: Or even “taking the high road”. Just like pretending you love everybody, “I love the people who did this to my family, my community”

R: It makes the people who don’t (take the high road) seem like they’re being irrational...hey I don’t like Nazis, I support punching Nazis then like “Hey you need to preach tolerance.” no they murdered people I know.

F: Yeah I’ve even, I’ve only seen one Nazi-Nazi in Nevada in person, it’s just ......he was wearing a Deutschland shirt, it’s just so crazy how--I made a post about this, and he just looked so weak, that always stuck with me. He looked so weak and insecure, and I’m like you should feel that way because there are so many groups of people who are stronger with their bonds with each other, like the Jewish community or any community, that you should feel weak because you just want to be an angsty little white boy. Side note: he looked me in the eyes and I looked at him back and he left. So….

*laughs*

F: That was only a fraction of what you feel. I feel ... we’re so desensitized to swastikas, I mean I haven’t seen one as graffiti, but the image, I feel we are too desensitized to that.

R: Oh yeah I get frustrated with people who say “We need to reclaim the swastika”.

F: *Laughs* “Noo”

R: I get you wanna reclaim if but it’s too far gone. It’s traumatizing for the Jewish community, I get it used to be the symbol of peace…

F: Right

R: But it’s just not what that is anymore.

F: I mean that’s why it was taken, I’m sure you’ve studied this, but that’s why Hitler got people to jump on board because it’s this pretty picture of this “peaceful future”. So taking it back would almost be like...that’s where it started and look at where we are...

R: I personally haven’t come across Jews who want to reclaim it, it’s non-Jews. And there might be Jews who want to, I don’t know every Jew on Earth but the ones I’ve interacted with are all uncomfortable seeing swastikas. And you know when I see those photos of swastikas on this Jewish cemetery destroying the grave, it’s ... I can’t help picture that with my Grandparent’s graves, ... oh what if this was where my family was buried.

F: Yeah in my hometown there was a lot of that going around, just everywhere, it’s just disgusting. The fact that non-Jewish people suggested reclaiming that? That’s just disgusting and inappropriate. You don’t have a right to-- for anyone watching, you don’t have a right to go up to a Jewish person and say “No but I wanna do this” no, that’s not right, if it doesn’t apply to you, don’t speak on it. Or try to reclaim anything. I’m done with reclaiming things. When you said “non-Jewish people” I thought that you were talking about your Jewish friends who thought “You know maybe we could take it back…” 

R: No.

F: Deadass

R: No all the Jewish people I know don’t like seeing swastikas and have no interest in seeing them in our lives. 

F: Like understandably, it’s not even crazy! I wouldn’t. Ugh. 

What would you like to see more of from allies?

R: Um, I think more listening, I like this kind of stuff, just having a conversation. Just not speaking for us and just amplifying our voices. And again, not conflating Judaism and Christianity. Not being like “Oh our Judeo-Christian values” Jews aren’t good because they’re related to this Christian thing, no it’s our own thing, it’s very different religion. And even if what the Jewish person is saying something you don’t agree with, just listen at least and say your side, you know we’re not a monolith. We aren’t one person with one mind. We aren’t going to agree on everything, and you know if someone said that something you said was anti-Semitic, don’t get defensive, let them explain why and try and be better. Because we’re not going around saying every single thing is anti-Semitic.

F: Of course, you have a reason

R: Call out celebrities when they promote dangerous things.

F: Yeah like dangerous ideas. I would like to personally work on what things are inherently anti-Semitic and have been popularized so I know and can share that info.

R: And also for the stuff I’ve seen recently, when people seem to be calling out anti-Semitism they call it out a lot more strongly with Black people and that’s a problem. Black people can be anti-Semitic, we saw that with Nick Canon, we saw that with Luis Farakesh, (Edit: She meant Louis Farrakhan)

F: Ice cube

R: We’ve seen Black celebrities say anti-Semitic things and also white celebrities so don’t just call it out when it’s just Black people. I’ve been following some Black dudes on twitter who are saying “Hey this makes me really uncomfortable. Why are you going so hard against this person and not against this person?” 

F: Yeah I guess I never thought about that with the Nick Canon thing. That was a mess. 

R: Yeah and what he said was completely wrong. 

F: I heard so many different versions of what he said, ... “Black people are beautiful” but wait no that’s not what he said

*laughs*

F: I do think um my question about POC people being anti-Semitic was based on Ice Cube, honestly. That shocked me, I was shocked, my jaw fell when he posted an anti-semitic image, not a swastika. How can you want support and then do this? So...

R: I think it’s the idea that they’re punching up.

F: Yeah, I’m glad you mentioned looking for how people react to a POC being anti-Semitic V. a white person because I can’t even recall the last time I heard a white person like be called out, or dragged/cancelled as much as Nick Canon. 

R: Yeah you’ll see it with the right-wing politicians, they’ll get called out, but you don’t see it from the moderates or left wing celebrities, even though they’re also out there saying things.

F: Like anyone can be anti-Semitic anyone can be racist and I think that’s why I want to share your perspective to help a little bit, because even your friends and family can be saying stuff like this, it’s important to not let it slip through (and think) “Oh they didn’t mean that”...address it. I hope this helps in some way. Thanks for letting me interview you

R: Thanks for wanting to interview me.

F: No problem. I’m gonna stop this and then we can talk a lil’ privately. Byeeee

R: Bye.

Let’s have a discussion! Did you learn anything new from this conversation?

Let me know here.

-

To close out each post, I’d like to write a lil’ paragraph about the person I talk with:

Rachel is kind and expresses her thoughts skillfully. Her resilience is deeply apparent because she’s able to study the horrific history of her people and still stay sane. That is a feat I could never, ever, live up to. Reliving pain takes such a huge amount of strength and power. Rachel’s kind words (and others’ from in the egg gang ;) ) really helped me when I was in a dark spot. I’m blessed that you took the time to talk with my wacky self. I hope we continue to be friends and I also hope you know that I’m always here for you, Rachel, as you were there for me. 

You are a treasure. 

-Faithxx

[sweeethinny]

Prompt idea (if u have the time:)): hinny taking 3-4 yr old teddy to a muggle amusement park. Or Disneyland I would looovvee for them to meet Mickey and Minnie and go on a few rides:)))

I LOVED WRITING THIS. (I left Teddy with six years old, so he could enjoy more)

I never went to Disney, in fact, I never left the South of Brazil, which is where I live, so like that, I really have no idea what a Disney park is like, only by videos and photos, so if there is something wrong, please ignore I love to write about these simple moments of Harry with the family, and I think this one shot was really good, thanks for the prompt! (it got a little big, but who cares?)

Teddy had been asking for a time to make this trip, Mathew, one of his classmates, had already been to the park more than four times and always came back with news, which left the boy saddened that he could not meet.

Harry rented several films of Mickey Mouse and his friends, his weekends together were based on watching that mouse go by boat, drive a car or build a house. But still, it didn't seem enough.

During the mid-year vacation, Harry managed to take a week off, just like Ginny, and they bought plan tickets to that park in the United States (because Teddy wanted to live the whole experience, and Andromeda was saying that the boy would not be well in a portal key)

None of the three had ever traveled by plane, so when they got on that machine, Ginny was already feeling sick and feeling a cold sweat running down her back.

''How can this be safe?'' She could barely look out the window as the pilot took off

''You fly on a broom, Gin-Gin'' Teddy looked shocked by his godmother's fear ''Will it be long? Wooow, look at this'' He pointed to the small screen in front of them, with the path the plane would take, movies and games to distract bored children and adults.

''I control the broom, and it's just me on it, not me and 100 more people'' She sighed, looking over the head of the godson who was enjoying the technology, staring at Harry who smiled more excitedly than ever ''You seem very happy for someone who is going to a playground''

''I always wanted to meet'' he admitted, not in the least resentful that he was finally going to Disney. He was sure that if it went with the Dursleys, it would be as bad as that time at the zoo.

The trip was fine, after a while Ginny seemed amazed that they were passing through the clouds, as well as Teddy on her lap and Harry who sneaked in to get to see too.

Harry had bought the tickets for three days, and it only started tomorrow, so by the time they arrived around 11AM, Teddy already looked like he was about to pass out from anxiety.

''Let's go for a walk around town first, buddy'' Harry reminded him, packing his muggle clothes and looking in the mirror of the hotel room they had rented ‘'Let's go to the beach, to the mall, we can have ice cream .. Even eat hamburgers'' The godson smiled from ear to ear, nodding excitedly

Harry was also happy, fulfilled to be traveling and going to see the damn talking mouse he saw in the comic he stole from Dudley, but also, very happy that he could be creating that memory with Teddy

''Why the hell do they have so much ... this thing of buying crappy food?'' Ginny asked, looking curiously at the passing streets, while Harry calmly drove the car they had rented, worried that he needed to use magic here or there ''We've been through more than ten, and we've barely left our neighborhood''

''Fast Food? I don't know, maybe they want to die early'' Harry turned his attention back to the traffic lights, ignoring the conversation Teddy had with Gin about whether or not they could eat one of those.

In the end, she decided that they would only eat once, because she would never let Teddy get clogged with that plastic food

They toured much of Orlando, visited shopping, bought gifts, clothes, toys, even a new sofa, which they would shrink and send by Flu later.

They visited some sights, took a lot of photos, especially when they went to the beach, and ate at one of those fast foods that had passed earlier, even though Ginny kept saying that it wasn’t real food and that there was no way that meat came from a live animal.

''I'm so excited'' Teddy said as soon as they left the American 'Diagonal Alley', which was much bigger than what they had in London, but much more hidden, being in a neighborhood far from the city center. His godson was in his lap, almost sleeping on Harry's shoulder, the hair constantly changing between animated pink and natural blue, sighing tiredly.

''We had a busy day, you need to rest to be able to play tomorrow'' Ginny helped the boy into the car, adjusting the little one in his appropriate seat and making sure he didn't end up with a neck pain from sleeping askew.

''I know .. '' Teddy sighed, closing his eyes before Harry even started the car and returned to where they were staying

''I bought the best tickets, they said we would not be in the public queue and that way we could access the toys more easily''

''You're excited, aren't you?'' Ginny put her hand on his thigh, also resting her head on his shoulder, her cheeks flushed from all the sun they had caught and looking absurdly beautiful wearing that yellow summer dress with her hair stuck up

'' Teddy is so happy and ... it makes me happy '' Harry kissed the top of the red head '' I want him to have amazing memories with me '' Ginny didn't answer, she was also sleeping, and Harry had to smile as he stared that scene, finding it almost unreal that he himself was there.

The next day, it was barely seven in the morning when Teddy jumped out of bed, waking up his godfather with all his enthusiasm, jumping in the middle of the couple and getting them up.

'' We're going to be late '' He whimpered when Ginny got in the shower, and Harry started ordering their breakfast

'' Teddy, we need to eat before we leave, and we're still on time '' Harry reminded him, forcing the boy to stay put while he applied sunscreen on his flushed cheeks '' We don't want you to get burned and be sore the first day, right? '' He fixed the cap his godson had bought the day before, helping him put it on his head.

'' I'm excited '' Teddy justified '' Mathew said that there is a castle, and that inside you can meet Mickey .. Can we meet Mickey? Please''

'' We can '' Harry had to restrain himself from saying that he also wanted to take a picture with that human dressed as the character. Not that he expected it to be a real mouse that was there.

After Ginny got out of the bath, wearing comfortable clothes to walk in a park, and they ate, the three finally headed towards Disney, following the map they had bought so they wouldn't get lost, talking animatedly about what they would do and where they would go when to get there (even if they didn’t quite know what to expect).

''Holy Merlin!'' Ginny looked most shocked when they parked, wide-eyed and blinking in wonder at the immensity of that park, definitely not a simple playground with some giant wheels and anything else that would entertain children.

Even she could almost feel anxious to start going on all the roller coasters around.

''I don't even know where to start'' Harry admitted, feeling like a child in the middle, so happy that his eyes shone with enthusiasm behind his sunglasses. ''Where do you want to start, Teddy?''

''I don't know'' The boy looked just as shocked. Flashing to all the stores, characters and attractions that were just in sight

The three began to stroll with much more enthusiasm than in the city, stopping at themed shops and buying ice cream, sweets, more gifts, and the long-awaited Mickey and Minnie ears, in various colors and shapes. Harry was wearing a traditional one, Ginny with one that was Minnie, blue and red, and Teddy with one from the movie 'Fantasia', which came with a 'wizard' hat, painted with moons and stars.

Ginny dragged them off to ride a roller coaster of terror, and Harry seemed the only one who was somewhat fond of the toy that was completely in the dark, even Teddy screamed with excitement at every descent they took, or scare they took. The next was another roller coaster, but this time with spins and falls, which caused  scream and arms up, while the wind in face seemed to suffocate them.

''That was the coolest thing I've ever done!'' Teddy jumped for joy, his cheeks flushed with the newest emotion

''It looked like I was flying but without the broom, and no control'' Ginny also seemed close to jumping ''Let's go to the one who says it's 3D ..'' And so they went, as many toys as possible, passing through the Tower of Terror (which made Teddy cling to Harry) and a few more roller coasters, some that passed through the water and wet them whole, others that were quiet and let them admire the view

In the end, the time finally came that they most wanted it.

''Let's see Mickey!’' Ginny shouted excitedly as she joined the row, fixing up the Daisy themed hat she had bought and the new sunglasses ''Are you excited?'' Teddy nodded, eating his ice cream sandwich with the Mickey's face ''And you, Harry?''

''Also. Will Minnie be there?'' He could barely contain his enthusiasm, adjusting the tiara with ears on his head, not bothering to look like an idiot.

"I hope so, she looks so cool .. Daisy was super nice to me, and we won't even talk about Cinderella!" Ginny smiled again "Ahhh, we're coming"

''I'm so nervous'' Teddy sighed, seeming to do his utmost to keep from changing his hair color (They were in a dark shade like Harry's)

''Don't be, everything will be fine'' One more couple and it would be them, Harry could barely hold his smile ''Do you think I should take off the tiara?'' Ginny denied next to Teddy

''You look beautiful with her '' Gin nodded

When they were finally called, Harry thought that both he, his godson and his wife, would pass out in excitement. Mickey and Minnie were there! On their fronts!

''HI! What do we have here? Are you eating my face?'' Mickey bent down to be as tall as Teddy, who looked so embarrassed and nervous, and red as a tomato

''Hi, Mr Mickey'' The people around him laughed softly, admiring when the boy hugged him. The camera clicks didn't seem to end, and Ginny was more than excited to decorate the new photo album (which they had purchased with the park theme) with those. "Hi Mrs. Minnie" Teddy greeted the other mouse as well.

''Hello dear, you are very polite'' The woman bent down too, returning the hug. The five took the photo, Harry could barely contain his smile and Ginny looked almost ready to jump for joy when Minnie praised her.

''OK. That was the most incredible thing we've ever done. Forget winning the Quidditch Cup, Minnie praised me!''

''My chances are gone. Minnie, I will never get super you'' Harry admitted, as he took them to another attraction

''Never, it's a shame baby'' Ginny kissed his cheek ''But at least we're already married, so..'' She shrugged

The rest of the day was very lively, and in the end, when they stayed to watch the fireworks, Harry barely knew why he wanted to cry, holding Teddy on his shoulders so he could see better, and smiling like a child.

''It's beautiful'' Ginny leaned on her husband ''And look, we're wizards'' She whispered that part, making the man laugh

"It's because they really try, there's no wand trick," he whispered back, laughing when he saw her wipe a single tear that ran. Harry kissed her, quickly, just to mark that moment  ''Thank you for being here'' 

'’I thank myself for accepting your marriage proposal. I never would have come here if it weren't for you.'' Harry laughed, so happy and light he didn't even look like himself. Ginny stood on tiptoe, pulling Teddy's hand to kiss her ''And with you, my Teddy Bear''

''Our next trip'' Harry started, as they headed back to the parking lot, Teddy still on his shoulders, admiring everything ''It's to Universal's park. I heard they have an attraction about wizards.'' His wife's eyes shone

''It must be hilarious .. We will ''

And they went, but that time, there was one more participant in the trip, one who, already with them at Disney, was just hiding in Ginny's belly

[dreaming-gamer]

Eyy! Now, I have a proper V HC request, hihi!😍😍😍❤❤❤🙈🙈🙈 The gang ( include anyone you want ) introducing V to his very first cosplay convention!😍😍😍❤❤❤ I'll patiently wait, my dear. I love your V HCs so much😍😍😍❤❤❤

Hello dear! <3<3<3 Thank you so much for liking my headcanons and the request! :D :D :D I’m sorry this one took so long, I should have posted this one much earlier but better late than never? *sweats* 

In any case, here we go! <3<3<3

Random headcanon: Cosplay convention

Nico:

Nico is the first one to jump at the idea when she finds out V has never been to a cosplay convention. She loves those because people just let their creativity flow and she is among them. Creating an impressive cosplay that lets her display her genius, oh that’s right up her alley.

Of course the work on the van and Nero’s Devil Breakers go first, but the Queen of Machines can juggle that and more if needs be. If she’s going to a convention, you can bet she’s going to show off something that’s flashy and functional.

She’s all for helping the others find something they want to dress up in as well, they don’t even have to take something as spectacular as she does, if they don’t want to. If they do, she’s all for helping them with something on the more mechanical style as sewing and fabrics aren’t her thing.

Honestly, she just wants her friends to come along, try the event out. If someone really doesn’t want to dress up, she won’t push the suggestion too much but if she can work on them for a bit, they might open up to it. She’s the one to convince V to come along, claiming she can find just the right character for him.

Though Nico is able and considered fixing a workable Gundam costume (complete with rockets and guns, could it get better?!), she ultimately chose Mei Hatsume from My Hero Academia as her own cosplay character because let’s face it, it would let her show off more of her creations.

The costume itself she found online, cheap and the inventions are the important part, so that’s all good for her. A prototype is customized to function as a flying skateboard for anyone who wants to try, an Overture is remodeled to set off (harmless) fireworks rather than demon-killing sparks, a Dr Faust replica with built-in video and audio to teach you Michael Jackson moves on the go, she brings an array of different inventions and many are a success with younger audiences.

Nero (& Kyrie):

Nero’s never been to a cosplay convention, he’s just as new to them as V is. As a kid, he wanted to dress up and go to gatherings like that because it looked fun and hopefully no one would look at him funny, as they did in the Order.

Now that he feels more secure in his own skin, having come to terms with his heritage and how he can use it to protect his family, Nero doesn’t feel the immediate need to dress up for the convention but when Kyrie mentions it might be fun, he falls for the suggestion.

Whenever the orphans’ clothes get holes, Kyrie fixes them with her sewing but she is uncertain she has the skills and the time to fix herself and Nero matching outfits in time for the convention, when they have both decided they’ll go. And Nico has convinced them that they’ll have the most fun if they dress up.

Nero is supportive, he’s fine with whichever costume Kyrie wants to do, he doesn’t push and he’s fine with just going as they are as well if it spares Kyrie some trouble, but the kids are very insistent. And Kyrie sometimes has a hard time saying no to them.

Knowing it’s one of Kyrie’s favorite Disney movies, Nero suggests Beauty and the Beast for the two of them. Kyrie wants Nero to have fun and get the whole experience by dressing up, but at first, she is a little bit hesitant about his suggestion. She never wants Nero to feel like she doubts him or his humanity ever again.

They have been through a lot and so, they just talk it out, ending the discussion with soft whispers of love and care and in agreement over their choice.

As for their costumes, they don’t buy anything new. They check their closets for anything unused or something that can just be adjusted. In their eyes, the details don’t have to be perfect as long as they are both having fun. Kyrie also has a field day trying to put make-up on Nero’s face for the Beast look. Honestly, she does a good job. And the clothes she adjusted for Nero’s blue Beast attire, as well as her own blue and white dress for Belle, look great and she feels proud over her work.

At the convention, Nero will make sure to keep an eye on her, make sure she won’t be dehydrated or stay on her feet for too long in queues. It’s mostly unexplored ground for both of them, but they have a lot of fun just people-watching and following the three orphans under their care around, as the boys point out characters that they know everywhere. If the boys don’t recognize someone, they’ll run right up and ask.

Their camera roll is full of pictures of other cosplayers and the kids posing at the end of the day. And Nico snuck in a few pictures of Nero and Kyrie as well.

Dante:

It’s a party, Dante’s interested, enough said. He doesn’t mind grabbing the most ridiculous outfits if it gives him the love of the crowd. At a convention, people of all ages gather so it will be some simple, awesome fun.

As for him choosing a cosplay, the Dr. Faust hat has made him realize he rocks wearing a hat so he initially thought of cosplaying Alucard from Hellsing but after realizing V would cosplay another Alucard, he switched gears. Actually, Dante might just prefer cosplaying a character that likes having fun, just like he does.

By coincidence, he found Vash the Stampede from Trigun and though there is no hat involved, hey, the guy rocks red just as well as Dante does and he uses guns. Does Dante know anything about the character? Not really but that doesn’t stop him from rocking it. Plus, Dante already has red clothes, it’s just a matter of going into character because adjusting those clothes, he knows not how to do.

At said convention, he instantly clicks with a Deadpool cosplayer and they dance to Michael Jackson songs. They also photobomb some cosplay shoots, all in good fun. He lives for the spirit of people just having fun and humans just being humans, gathering thanks to a common interest.

Dante is the type who comes to a convention with several outfits. Or at least he would, if he had enough money for it. Since most of his paycheck goes to keeping the gas, water and electricity at Devil May Cry running, he resorts to simple, but effective ways to show off character, both his own and from other series.

V:

When the idea of going to a cosplay convention is first introduced to him, along with what it actually entails, he’s a bit skeptical. Nico telling him that there will be a ton of people doesn’t really sell him on it as he’s not that fond of crowds. But hearing that many will dress up as characters from stories they enjoy catches his attention. If he agrees to go, maybe he should be sure to make the most of it. And when Nico notices that shift in his demeanor, she keeps pushing him to join, juuust a bit.

For V, cosplay sounds like a way to show appreciation for characters and the stories they star in. Being the big fan of literature and poetry that he is, this aspect of the event does trigger his interest but when Nico gives him the idea to try out cosplay himself, she suggests that he shouldn’t go with cosplaying William Blake. Griffon laughs out loud at the mere idea but his suggestion of V cosplaying as a Disney princess (the orphans under Nero’s and Kyrie’s care have tried to show the avian various Disney movies, further adding to his arsenal of nicknames for V), is equally shot down.

V does want to put some thought and care into who to cosplay, but he also acknowledges his lack of sewing skills and is not too into the thought of buying a costume for himself with his limited funds. Kyrie offers to help but he is hesitant to accept it, seeing how she is trying to make something wearable for both herself, Nero and three little boys.

Ultimately, Nico and surprisingly, Dante become his greatest helpers. The childhood home of the sons of Spardas might have mostly fallen apart, but there are still some of their father’s old black robes in one of the rooms. It needs some adjustments, being too big on V’s lean frame, but the length is pretty spot on.

Nico demonstrates an automatic multi-tool that includes both measuring and sewing capabilities, as well as a laser pointer and a demon alarm that accidentally trips when Griffon is present. V doesn’t ask why she saw the necessity to put all of those functions together, but in the end, two of them are helpful for their situation. And she will show it off at the convention, as part of her genius.

How Dante does it, V doesn’t know, but one day, a long blonde wig is delivered to Devil May Cry, perfect for his decided cosplay. Turns out Dante’s flirt with the lady at the costume shop was helpful.

Ultimately, V feels very satisfied with his appearance as Alucard from Castlevania. The black robes are a different material from his regular leather vest but it’s still in black and thus, he feels right at home in it rather quickly. The long blonde wig takes some more time to adjust to.

What he had not anticipated were people asking to photograph him in this getup but thankfully, V took his time to research his character’s lines and mannerisms. Alucard is a gentleman, so V doesn’t find it very hard at all.

During the convention, Nero and Kyrie have enough on their plate, keeping an eye on the boys, so Nico usually stays close to V. Their chosen media are not anything alike, but that hardly matters. Nico is easily swept up in the excitement of the convention and seeing her makes V think that letting loose once in a while isn’t so bad.

Griffon stars in V’s cosplay as well, dressed up as a bat.

The next day, V will be a bit socially exhausted. Expect him to keep to himself with his book and tea for a good remainder of the day.

[virtuamaes]

Playing the Audience: Dealing with the Reality of Video Game Representation

If I asked you who comes to mind when you picture your friends or relatives that enjoy playing games, it’s likely that you draw a broad spectrum people of all races, age groups and genders who you know that spend hours on end enjoying video games whether on their phone, computer or consoles. Now for a follow-up question: think of as many lead characters from the most popular video game franchises as you can. The odds are that there is a wide disparity between the variety in the people you’ve known to play games, and the types of characters who take major roles in all the games that we play. As reported by the ESA in 2018, 41% of game-players in the US are women, and 31% of the entire game playing population are women over the age of 18, making a larger portion of the total than boys under the age of 18. So why is it that games aren’t representative of such a more diverse audience?

Well, the answer is rather simple when you break it down: the games industry is plagued with inequalities on several levels that prevent the prevalence of stories and games including or starring people from minorities or marginalized groups from being told. In a study done by 20-first for Forbes in 2020, they found that a mere 16% of the executive teams of the top 14 gaming companies across the globe were women. The battle against systemic inequalities in the entertainment industries and tech fields have been fought for decades at this point, with gaming as one of the newest fields when compared to businesses like the movie industry, which is currently going through its own reinvention as the deeply embedded tendrils of patriarchal dominance were made clear before the public in the recent #Metoo movements.

This could paint a rather bleak picture for the direction that games are headed, but the truth is that the gaming audience has certain advantages in helping influence where games can go from here. While insiders with industry access can do great things like create networks and organizations to help women and people of color land positions at studios to help their voices be heard, the gaming audience is well on its way to taking full advantage of social media and other resources to develop platforms to promote diversity in the industry and share exceptional examples of positive change in the industry.

Criticism is a Kindness

In her popular online web series Anita Sarkeesian argues that, “It's both possible, and even necessary, to simultaneously enjoy media while also being critical of its more problematic or pernicious aspects.” Anita is saying here that audiences gain nothing if they passively accept the flaws of the media they consume, whether they are fans or not. A conscientious audience must strive foremost to develop on those complex feelings they have with games such that they can continue to build and improve upon media no matter how foundational the problematic works are considered.

This isn’t to say that all criticisms come from a place of good faith, however. Anybody connected to the gaming space throughout 2020 will easily recall the wildfire that spread across social media when leaked footage and documents revealed controversial plot details in the much anticipated PS4 title, The Last of Us: Part II. This type of outrage does little to advance audience relationships with developers or promote an environment of critical thinking in the gaming audience, especially considering the game in this example hadn’t even been released yet.

An Informed Opinion

Given the rise of social media, it’s easier now than ever to develop a platform for you to share your opinions. Examples like this springboard post by Aaron Anthony Williams give us a great example of how modern audiences utilize their voices to contribute to the discourse and discuss issues our friends and those who we share interests with may not be fully aware of. Thoughtful critique of games has exploded within recent years as the cost of video editing and production software has decreased to an accessible level. Often times, developers pay special attention to these voices, especially when those concerns are shared over platforms that developers personally frequent themselves or where studios have accounts they make to interface with fans, good examples are Twitter and Reddit.

A queue building outside of my local Best Buy on Cyberpunk 2077's launch day, in December, during the pandemic.

Your Wallet’s Voice

Controversy surround games these days get as much or more publicity when things go south. Take Cyberpunk 2077, one of the most anticipated games of last year: controversy seemed to follow the game for several months preceding its release when CD Projekt Red, the games polish developers were entailed in a handful of scandals surrounding the game’s representation of trans people and ethnic minorities in trailers and demos. When we’ve got the advantage of reliable news sources reporting on the questionable content of upcoming games, we’re able to hold those companies accountable to their decisions by not investing in those companies when their games release.

This concept also extends to pre-orders, which are often incentivized by additional content or pre-release access by developers. Cyberpunk had earned much of its cash haul in the years between its announcement in 2012, and especially after its “gameplay trailer” in 2018, well before controversies surround its questionable depictions of minorities had become public knowledge. The lesson here being that the sooner a developer has its audience in their pocket, the less mindful they need to be to their audience’s sensibilities.

In conclusion, the relationship between developers and their audiences is a fresh new ground for change given the new tools available for the gaming audience. The majority of game development studios including those at the height of the industry have a long way to go in accurately representing the audiences that play their games, but the voices of marginalized groups have developed new ways to broadcast a more critical and responsible means of analyzing and sharing thoughts on games. This new wave of discourse surrounding popular games has a potential to affect change one even the largest game titles from a consumer level, which was an as yet unheard-of degree of cooperation between developers and their audiences, which casts a bright portend for the future of inclusivity in games.

Works Cited

· Sarkeesian, Anita. “Damsel in Distress: Part 1 – Tropes vs Women in Video Games”. YouTube, uploaded by Feminist Frequency, 7 March 20 21https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6p5AZp7r_Q

· Wittenberg-Cox, Aviviah. “Gaming Industry: Please Wait… Gender Balance Loading”. forbes.com. Forbes, 28 August 2020. Web. 26 February 2021.

· ESA. ‘Essential Facts: Diversity in the Video Game Industry’ 2020, ESA: Entertainment Software Association.

· Williams, Aaron A. "What Does Gender Have To Do With It: The Biases Of The Video Game Industry". The Future of Video Games. Springboard. 20 May 2016. Web. 26. February. 2021.

· Henley, Stacey. “It sucks that Cyberpunk 2077’s edgelord marketing worked so well.”. polygon.com. Polygon, 4 December 2020. Web. 26 March 2021.

· @zehugex. “Cyberpunk 2077 pre-sold 8 million copies prior to launch. That’s over $500m in revenue prior to release. For reference, GTAV did $800m on its first day including pre orders + day one sales.” Twitter,20 Dec. 2020, https://twitter.com/ZhugeEX/status/1336974249144315904

[raeloganthesonic06fangirl]

What got you into Darkwing duck? :0

Originally, it was something that was always fun to enjoy when I was a little kid. Apparently, legend has it, my birth mother claims that my first word was some attempt to say "Darkwing", as I was still a baby when the series started airing and it was one of those programs she'd run on the TV and recorded some on tapes. But at that time, the appeal to me was probably the fact that it was just something queuded up to entertain me.

When I was 7, I had a tape of "Comic Book Capers" that I would play so often, my mother's (eventual ex) boyfriend absolutely hated it. Especially because I loved the "Kickin' in the Groove" music video at the end of the tape, so naturally, I would play it far more than I probably should have.

My cousin had a tape of "Just Us Justice Ducks" that now resides in my collection, and I never really got tired of the tape, but due to some junk my mother's boyfriend did, he kinda made me feel like for years that there was something inherently wrong with the level of enjoyment I had for the series, so I unfortunately did have a period of time where I was embarrassed for no reason at all over having liked the series.

Then one day, a I spotted a Robot Chicken skit that included toys of Darkwing and Gosalyn (a rather horrifyingly dark skit in which Darkwing ends up cooked alive at a restaurant, but that's beside the point), which reminded me of the Justice Ducks tape my cousin had, so I would eventually get the tape because he didn't care much for it anymore.

Years later, I would go to San Diego Comic Con 2011, and spot a comic booth that was advertising a then-upcoming comic continuation, and it sparked a memory in the back of my mind that would probably not take root for a few years. Never did see my local shops sell the comic, so it eventually faded from my mind.

Then eventually, I got my hands on the DVD set of the entire run of "Batman: The Animated Series", and decided to share the series with my Mom (my grandma who adopted me, different person than my mother), who found it to be a really interesting show, but remarkably dark for a kids program. She asked me if I knew of something similar, but more light-hearted, "like Disney-ish", and I immediately thought of Darkwing

So I went online and found the DVD sets for $10 each, and decided to queue that up as the next show viewing, thinking to myself how fun that would be to revisit this old series that I remember enjoying enough as a kid that specific lines from the show were a near permanent feature of my jargon. Gosalyn was a favorite of mine, especially because I also was an adopted child, so I have a soft spot for this character as well (got several figurines now, too)

The DVDs aren't in official chronological order, but airdate order instead, so I should note that the moment QuackerJack arrived on scene in "Days of Blunder" was the exact moment my deep buried memory of the franchise awakened like sleeper agent and I was officially into the series.

This moment. This exact moment.

It probably also helps that Michael Bell is one of my favorite voice actors to listen for in lesser known movies and cartoons, even before I knew he did QuackerJack. The man's range and resume is awesome.

Actually, the whole voice cast itself is just all star choices for the 1990s, this is definitely a fun series.

I bought the comics, I bought toys, made my own stuff, basically just a whole floodgate of 20+ years of backlog repression exploded and I realized that thanks to one jerkwad, I had felt unnecessarily ashamed of one of my first interests in life, and now that I was an adult and could pay for my own stuff, no one was going to tell me how stupid it was for me to be into what was originally called a fad.

So it was a long journey to this point, but I'd say that about two years ago, seeing and hearing QuackerJack again was the moment I was able to truly say that I was into "Darkwing Duck" as a fan instead of a kid just watching cartoons on the TV

((I haven't made an updated total picture yet including Negatron Duck's Pop figure, so that's why he's included in a different photo))

That said, my DWD/Ducktales collection looks pretty good for only being something I've been going at for less than two years. I make it like a treasure hunt, and pay the lowest possible price I'm willing to part with. 😅

The most I've paid for one item is probably $25, for the Definitively Dangerous omnibus, and I only got it that cheap because the cover had a crease in it, but otherwise, the book is easily $75+ on the market. 👀

[dangerscully]

The Mundane Lockdown Diaries, UK edition

I figured I’d post some everyday mundane content, just because I’m finding experiences around the world to be really interesting to compare. So here goes. 

(For reference, the UK went into “lockdown”, although a less strict one than some other countries have put into place, on Monday evening. We are allowed out to exercise once per day, to go to the shops for essentials as infrequently as possible, and to work if you’re a “key worker” and unable to work from home. The police have been given new powers to enforce this with dispersal orders and the use of fines, as well as arrest powers for non-compliance. Businesses not deemed as essential are closed, so pretty much the only things open are pharmacies and supermarkets).

Today I went to the supermarket for the first time in over a week. 

We had to queue outside – with a 2 metre gap between people – as they were limiting the number of shoppers inside the store at any one time. Luckily we have uncharacteristically gorgeous weather in Wales at the moment so it was a nice break to stand in the sun (especially now that the lockdown has limited our time allowed outside to very specific reasons), however this will be utterly miserable when the usual rain returns. Although it’s becoming normal, it’s still very surreal to see people queueing outside, wearing masks and gloves, with security staff overseeing the queueing process.

The queue was fairly long but only due to being spaced out, and I was let inside within 5 minutes. Inside the front door, a staff member greeted every customer and told them to keep 2 metres away from fellow shoppers and from staff members, and informed us that they’d implemented a one-way system in the aisles to avoid people getting closer than that. They also had a rule that each customer could only get 3 of each item (I’m lucky to live in a two-person household, bigger households and large families will struggle with this rule, but it’s obviously there for a reason!).

Most things are back in stock! Pasta is still low, as are frozen veg, and tinned tomatoes and pulses, however there are barely any totally empty shelves – totally different from how it was last time I set foot inside. I was able to pick up several things that I haven’t been able to find over the past couple of weeks. The only things on my list that I struggled to get were stock powder and one specific type of cereal, however the cereal aisle was pretty full apart from that.

The 2 metre system was in place at the tills too, with markings on the floor to show customers where to stand. All of the staff on tills were wearing gloves, however they didn’t have the perspex screens up like I’ve seen other supermarkets install for the protection of their staff. 

Everyone was friendly, and despite everything it was actually a more pleasant shopping experience than normal. I’m grateful to have not seen any of the abuse which I know that some retail workers have experienced during this. 

I’m currently debating how to spend my one (1) government-approved daily outdoor exercise. I normally go to the gym 3-5 times a week, but stopped doing that over 2 weeks ago. So I’ve been going for a walk most days, and yesterday I went for a cycle. I may try a jog today – I dislocated my knee(!) a few weeks back so it put me out of action for a while and I’m still very much in the rehab portion of recovery, but I’m almost there so may try my first jog. 

My job means that work (and therefore my income) completely and utterly dried up a few weeks ago when the virus really started to take hold here, so I have no work to fill my time with. Usually on my quiet days / weeks work-wise, I fill my days with going to the gym, wandering around town, popping to the shops, or driving somewhere scenic for a walk – all of which are pretty much out of the equation at the moment. 

The government last night, about a week after announcing similar measures for employed people, announced a grant for self-employed people that I should hopefully qualify for – although I won’t receive the money for well over two months. It has, however, taken a huge weight of financial burden off my chest, but I feel incredibly sorry for the huge number of self-employed people who, for various reasons, will not qualify for the grant. I know of far too many people who are looking to receive absolutely no help in all of this, and are on the verge of going totally broke as a result. 

In the meantime, I’ve been getting really good at Mario Kart(!) in all of this spare time, while totally putting off all of the tidying up I could be doing around my flat. This week I’ve forced myself to get back into reading books – my brain had a Moment at the end of 2019 and my concentration, focus, and executive function just vanished, and I’ve struggled to read since. I’m aiming to read at least two books a month, until I get back to my usual pattern of it being more like four a month. So we’ll see how that goes!

Today our Prime Minister and Health Secretary both announced that they’ve tested positive for COVID-19, days after Prince Charles announced the same. Hopefully these high profile cases will make the few people still not taking it seriously start to do so.

I’m very grateful that this horrible situation is at least happening in a time where technology can help us feel less alone. I’ve taken part in so many group-watches, video chats, games nights etc all with the help of the internet and various apps. 

And I absolutely cannot wait to hug my friends when this is all over. 

Stay home, stay safe, and wash your hands, folks!

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 3

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 61: Writing this in the afternoon on day 62. An exercise driven day. Two walks and stair climb as usual plus I popped round Jeff’s early evening. First time I’ve been to his house, 1 Garden Row, Elmington. It’s further than I thought so, with walking there an back, I managed a daily total of 14km. It was good to see him and have a social (but social-distanced) beer. When I got home, @9:45pm, I made thai green chicken curry, watch The Report (a great, if worrying film) and then TikTok-ed until gone 5am!

Day 62: Typing this on day 64! Beer round Karen’s. Missed Sam’s quiz.

Day 63: Typing this on day 64! Beer round Karen’s. Again! Well, it is bank holiday Monday! Had dirty pizza for tea and watched The Heat. Again! It is the most piss funny film.

Day 64: Well, I have been feeling guilty about treatung the bank holiday w/e l;ike a bank holiday w/e. It’s dawned on me that that guilt is way too self-disiciplned. I got up about midday, usual two walks and stair climb but that’s it. I need to clean the house from top to bottom, get on top of my online courses, get the garden done, get the car fixed, go shopping…fucking hell - if only I had the time…

Day 65: Today I swapped Amazon prime free trial for about the 5th time in my life. Same card and address - will they get wind of my skullduggery. This is all so I can finish watching Hunters and catch Homecoming S2. I went shopping at Asda near Raunds. I wish I hadn’t, it’s no good for a comprehensive shop. Received an email from RCI inviting me to a Zoom meeting with Pal Mulcahy for a business update. I fear the worst. And it’s at 10:00am, FFS!

Day 66: Logged in an attended zoom forum with Paul Mulcahy and over 250 RCI staff this morning. The message was that there is going to be redundancies. I expected this and expected to fall victim. All staff that are going to be put through cionsultation would be contacted today. I however wasn’t! Very, very surpised. meanwhile, Nick Reilly asked to connect via LinkedIn (including become a LinkedIn staff team member -  that’s new to me so I’ll see what it is but I accepted the invitation) Later, I WhatsApp-ed him and asked who has been affected from IT. All he could tell me was no one on Jon Rodger’s team is under threat. Also, Mark C emailed - I’ll respond tomorrow. I got up at 09:00ish and had my mornming walk before the 10:00am meeting. I am now, at 09:30pm, fucking knackered. Dinner and then bed, methinks but not before one more episdoe of Hunters!

Day 67: Typing on Day 68. Got pretty drunk last night. I’ve got blisters from walking (new boots) so I don’t think I’ll walk tomorrow (well, today!).

Day 68: I did fuck all today. Got up after 1pm, no walking. I did manage to clean the bathroom (and smash my little mirror) and do my 26 stair climb. I am typing at 9pm and I feel whacked!

Day 69: I have an abscess. It’s not too painful (today) but I am going to call the dentist tomorrow (Monday). I think antibiotics are in order. I watched a film, which I actually started yesterday, called The Voices starring Ryan Reynolds, Gemma Arteton and Anna Kendrick. Fuuuuuuuuuuuucking weird. The closing credits are the most bizarre, in context, I’ve ever seen. But, in general, a very good film. Back to normal exercise regime today plus hovered the hall and stairs. Get me. It’ll be interetingh to see my Google Fit figures for May tomorrow.

Day 70: Contacted the dentist who advised salt water rinsing and ibuprofen. But, tbf, it’s a lot better today and the swelling has gone right down. The dentist I called was the Oundle House (Rodericks) one. I was not hopeful since last time I saw them they referred me to their Northampton clinic for root canal work which was quoted at over £600. However, the dentist was very nice, had my x-ray to hand from that last visit and seemed more interested in making sure I’m OK than gaining a paying customer. He still wants to see me when possible though! I must mention the weather. It has been glorious weather nearly every day throughout May (it’s June 1st today). Seriously sunny and like a holiday every day. The news mentioned it today - the level of sunshine throughout the transition from spring to summer is unprecedented, apparently. My T shirt tan is, quite frankly, ridiculous!

Day 71: Today’s ‘must mention’ is what’s going on in the US and it’s not particularly related to Trump. There was a black man killed while under arrest. George Floyd died Monday 25th May (8 days ago) A policeman, who knelt on his neck for minutes while he complained of not being able to breathe, has been charged with murder. Now there are riots and curfews and military intervention all over the country. It’s similar to the English riots of 2011. It’s worrying, sad, scary and not what the fight against the pandemic needs. Most of all, it’s racism rearing its ugly head yet again. I’ve had a normal-ish day. received an email from Jim checking in, talked to a recruiter about a promising job lead (although the hours are 8-5 which I am not happy about), talked to Barry across the road and sent Barzzy a WhatsApp. And I logged in Shaw Academy and started lesson one of module 2 of web Design. It’s been a while, so long overdue, but I only did about 15 minutes. Must try harder / do better! As I type, late (10:10pm) I have dinner cooking and a strange pain in my left side and am in the middle of No Country for Old Men. Don’t think I’ve seen it since the cinema (13 years!)

Day 72: As soon as (well, within a couple of days) I mention the weather, it turns. It’s rained a little and is a lot cooler (15° rather than mid-20s). Much better for walking, I have to say. I finished Hunters today (Amazon Prime series). While I enjoyed it, it got too surreal at the end. It is loosely based on the real story of Nazi hunters in the US in 1977 but the straying from loosely based to down-right ridiculous fiction annoyed me. If it goes to S2, I will watch it, however. Received some of my rental deposit back today (the law changed so that only 5 weeks rent can be demanded as deposit). Over £600. Nice.

Day 73: I made a short video for Marc and Clare’s 26th wedding anniversary. I ‘dressed up’ for it. I enjoyed doing it and I think it was appreciated.

Day 74: Typing on Day 75 for no other reason than I couldn’t be bothered on day 74! I received a letter either today or the day before (well, yesterday or the previous day!) from Mr Minos at the eye clinic informing me that, while there is some stuff going on in both eyes (garnered from the photo scans done at the last hospital appointment), he wants to see me in three months. Always a refief when that happens. Been getting into two series on Amazon: Alex Rider and Modern Love. One is a male Hanna, the other is soppy affairs of the heart based on real life stories (from essays written in the NY Times). Both enjoyable for totally different reasons.

Day 75: Lazyish day. Well, not really, just that I only went for one walk, alebit 6km andI got pissed on. Wehn the rain hit, it was also fucking freezing! Some of the clouds were stunning today, made for great photos. As I type, it’s 21:12, I’m listening the wonderful Phoebe Bridgiers. Now, I’m gonna make some tea and sup a few ales, I reckon.

Day 76: Done lots of walking today (over 13,000 steps) I made sausage casserole with too much chilli (scotch bonnet and birdeye). I had an online (fb) debate with Sam over whether the George Floyd murder was a racial.

Day 77: Received a new (used) wing mirror for the car. £18 with delivery, I reckon that’s a bargain. I cashed in £20 from Prolific as well, so I’m satisfied at the financial full-circle. Dropped the car off at Barnwell (Nene Valley Body Shop) and walked back - 7km. Just about to dive into tea - finishing the blazing hot sausage casserole from yesterday. Then I’m going to do some more Rubik’s cube practice with my recently acquired GoCube.

Day 78: Lots of daily walking, 26 stair climb, press-up and late nights watching TikTok (gone 3am this morning) are making for a constantly knackered Tim Stubbs. Today I made veg soup and cooked up some meatballs. Both are delish. How did I ever to learn how to conjure up such stuff? The Rubik’s cube learning is coming along except that I need good daylight to distinguish between the yellow and white faces on the flipping thing!

Day 79: Listening to Radio 6 most the day and the news is making for dire listening. Forecast of severe recession, especially if there is a second peak of the virus, which I think there will be. Plus, an offshoot of the George Floyd murder and the #BlackLivesMatter movement, institutions and town councils are being lobbied by campaigners to remove statues of anyone associated with things like slavery (one was toppled in Bristol at the w/e) and rename buildings etc. that were named after historical characters with any links to something that now is deemed wrong or offensive. I agree with it but it’s not pleasant to hear amongst other bleak news. Walked to Barnwell to collect my car - front trim reseated and new wing mirror fitted, £20 - bargain (I source the replacement wing mirror). But, also, forked out £165 on car tax! Cleaned the lounge from top to bottom. Knackering!

Day 80: Chatted with Dad and Rita - he’s pissed off with the slavery backlash but otherwise they are both OK. I saw Baz in the Tesco queue where I mentioned my disgust at the Thursday market being allowed (I found I could not maintain 2m at all times just walking to Tesco’s!) and that I really don’t want to catch Covid19 as I will probably die. Maybe a bit dramatic but he messaged me later today to say he’d been thinking on what I said and offered to shop for me. I replied that I am OK to shop but am scared at how people are taking things so much less seriously than when lockdown started yet the virus is still out there just as it was then! I am very touched at his massage. I thoroughly cleaned the bedroom and changed the bedclothes today. House work really knackers me out!

Day 81: Spare room cleaned today. Not much else to type about. It’s Friday, I making curried mince and I don’t feel like a beer. How I’ve changed!

Day 82: I did have beers last night. Ended up going to bed with daylight and dawn chorus for company. Today, when I woke, gone 1pm, I have been greeted by what can only be described as thoroughly depressing news from every quarter. This includes violence in the capital, further virus outbreak in Beijing. Fog’s political posts on FB make for depressing (but vaild) reading. I’m feeling thoroughly fed up today. Not even music can lift my mood…

…but, I am currently listening to Craig Charles on BBCR6 and, I have to say, he’s putting in quite an exceptional effort - there may be hope that my mood might lift, even at gone 8pm! I might have a beer or two and grab something postivity and enjoyment from the day after all.

Day 83: Another late one last night but up before noon today. Started watching something called Condor on Sky One. It’s OK - there’s stuff I wanna waytch on Amazon Prime but, more often than not, it keeps telling me there’s ‘a problem’ when I try to play anything. Pissing me off. I just checked and I have two weeks of the initial 12 of furlough to go. I shall started asking the questions about what might happen on the Connections website.

Day 84: Typing this on Day 85. On the way back from dropping off some shoes for Sean Davies at his brother’s (martin) I met Karen and she said why not pop round for a beer so I did. Certainly not used to a drink on a Monday so that, and the genral upheaval to my evening, while good fun and a nice change, put pay to my usual diary entry! I sorted Amazon Prime out by leaving the TV turned off for over an hour. Day 85: Tim did the garden today and it looks great. The pipes in the bathroom have been knocking loudly, on and off, for a couple of weeks now. Last night, they were so loud that today I took it upon myself to resolve it or ring Woodfords. So, having turned off the water, run the taps dry to get rid of any trapped air and then turned the water back on slowly, I discoved it’s the cistern and its pipes. Woodfords are arranging Corvee to visit. Meanwhile, leaving the water turned off at least stops the noise which is, otherwise, costant and unbearable! I emailed HR a couple of days ago about what’s happening in a couple of weeks time in terms of furlough when the 12 weeks will be up. Sue Cockimngs got back to me attaching an email Deryn sent on 15th May which I never received. Basically, they’ll extend furlough if need be and an update should be forthcoming late May/early June. Well, that time has passed, so who knows what is going to happen. The furlough scheme (CJRS) has been changed by the govenment, I’ve read, and it looks like any new people would have to have been furloughed by June 10th (it’s the 16th today) so no furlough rotation, which is annoying. The CJRS ends 1st October with employer contributions required from 1st August - that’s D-Day as far as I am concerned….so job hunting will have to step up a notch! Day 86: Pete’s birthday and he bought himself the same speaker as me. When I asked if it lived up to his expectations he mentioned it’s better through WiFi than Bluetooth. That confused me as I haven’t got WiFi available on mine…..long story short, I bought the wrong fucking speaker. I got a AudioPro AddOn T10 instead of C10. To say I am fucked off is an understatement. To think I was so pleased at the cheap price I paid. Now I feel like I have wasted  €200. Bollocks.

Day 87: Finished Alex Rider last night. Another series that started off so well and ended a litte weak but, overall, not bad. I’ve started keeping strange meal times…lunch very late (4pm) and dinner really late (11pm). I need to sort it ‘cos it’s playing havoc with my sugar levels. I had a huge hypo while having my second walk today, second day on the trot that’s happened. My late dinner was Chinese chicked curry with a quarter of a scotch bonnet and two birdeye chillies. Delish.

Day 88: I have managed to be bitten yesterday or the day before on one of my walks. There are strange, itchy lumps on my right inner forearm. And I do mean itchy. I trimmed my sideburns today, I was very pissed off with them. My hair looks just a little less shit. I did a shop at Tesco in Corby today. Mainly booze as follows: 20 cans Sam Miguel £18 18 cans Stella £15 20 bottles Bud £10 8 cans Tyskie £9 3 lrg bottles Warsteiner £5 £57 Bargain.

Day 89: Lazy day. One short walk and usual stair climb. Howard and Sue popped round to give me a pressie - bottle of Monkey Shoulder. I’m building up quite a collection of whisky!

Day 90: Dad called and we chatted for an hour or so. I had to apologise for not sending a father’s day card! Dan messaged me and offered to pay for a pizza delivery which I declined.

Football has started again this past week…Prem and Championship only. L1 and L2 season was cut short and Posh missed out on the play-offs by one place. As I type, Everton v Liverpool is on Sky Sports on a Sunday evening - it’s very strange with no crowd. There’s crowd noise being played thorugh the tannoy.

[elfangel94]

Teen Top in San Jose 2019

Concert Day

So I woke up at 6am and started getting ready. At around 9 I woke everyone else up and they got ready as well. I was dressed as joker for the costume contest but I decided I would put the wig on last minute before they took the picture. Unfortunately because it was so disorganized I wasn’t able to be photographed at all (more on that later). We got to the venue around 3:30 and there was almost no one there. A little later around 4-ish my brother spotted cap walking around the building with either staff or a body guard (we watched him but didn’t scream or say/do anything I don’t think he even noticed us we were pretty far away). Eventually people started showing up and staff came out. I had assumed that the contest would be first with all the participants gathered and then photographed, me and my sister wanted to take our pic together but I had already been lined up for the fan signing when she was photographed. I didn’t want to go in and see the boys in costume but they were very confusing and instead of some sort of order the photos were taken really randomly and some people were missed. After we were inside the venue they took some more but I was already changed. Anyway, I go in and in order Niel, cap, Chunji, Ricky and changjo are seated at the table. I walked up and gave Niel my letter and his gifts

Niel: “Hi!”

Me: “hi”

Niel: “To.. Teen Top?”

Me: “yes! And you!”

Niel: “and me?! Thank you~!” (He has the cutest lil voice)

I move on to cap and we say hi he started handing me the album and I was reaching for it when we both realized he had to pass it to Chunji 🤣 (we officially share the same one braincell) Chunji was really bright when he said hi and had this like idk naughty boy face I’m not sure how to describe it but I was weAK. Then on to Ricky who said “hi Rebekah!” I almost didn’t say hi because I was having a spongebob moment in which all my brains cells were having a meltdown over him saying my name. I moved on to changjo who had the warmest smile and just seemed so happy to see me. We said hi and thank you like the others (the interactions are so brief but me being a shy ass knucklehead who can’t do a speak makes it even shorter lol) after that I exited to queue up for the hi touch (this is where I had to change my clothes and I held up the line iM SO SORRY T-T) The hi touch was sO fAsT I barely remember it. I just remember being too nervous to look at them lmao so once that was over we went round again and did the group pic. I get inside and the lady told me to kneel next to changjo (kneel for changjo? glAdLY mY KinG) and he just kept looking at me and smiling so warmly and then he leaned on me and BOYYYYYEEEEEEE HE SMELL SO GOOD 😭 they took the pictures and changjo looked at me and said “thank you!” we literally created a new language consisting of only the phrase “thank you” because I’d say thank you then he’d say thank you then I’d say thank you again because I’m fucking dumb. But he understands. So we finished and went into the auditorium where I sat next to a really sweet cool girl dressed as Harley Quinn(who was also a VAV Stan I was so happy to meet another VAMPZ in real life😭💜). I don’t know her name but I was really thankful she struck up a convo because I was so nervous and anxious and her talking really helped me calm down a bit and she watched my seat for me when I had to go to the restroom so whoever and wherever you are thank you you are truly an Angel 😇 💜 I missed the boys coming out because I had a bathroom break and I legit ran back and started recording as I got back inside. At first I was afraid of getting too close to the stage but after a song or two I was like fuck it yolo bitch I’m moving uP and stood right next to the stage. Changjo was on that side mostly but Niel came over quite a bit too and Ricky as well towards the end of the concert. I was so close I could touch them (I wouldn’t and didn’t! Don’t fucking touch people!) I was really hoping one of them would take my phone but alas ‘‘twas not meant to be ☹️ but Niel, changjo, Ricky and Chunji all looked right at me and into my phone so that’s good enough for me 😭 some people said cap made a mistake but I missed it (I saw it later on my video 😂) all I saw was him absolutely dyInG of laughter. Boy was laughing so hard he couldn’t rap properly 😂he covered his face all embarrassed (he’s the cutest lil bean and I will break your knees if you say different) he was sitting down a lot tho and I’m really outta the loop lately so I don’t know if he was injured or not but I hope he’s ok :(

During Crazy changjo committed a murder by blowing a kiss to this poor girl in front and as her life slipped away as she fell to the floor he stood back and smugly appreciated his handy work. It was damn cute. Every time Niel came close my heart just went a little “AHHHHHHHHJDJDJDNDBRVSUSKRNFDIEJDJ”🥺 I still can’t believe how close I was. The encores were the best changjo threw water on us and got me wet now I’m never showering again. After the concert we had to wait for snapshots and since my little sister got 1st place in the costume contest she went first and I went with her to get her group photo with the boys. They came out into the lobby (also I was so proud of the fans No one was shrieking, chasing or tryna grab them it was very calm and intimate with them just kinda standing around with us for a Bit while things were organized) and immediately gravitated to her they all said hi to her and Ricky and changjo were going on about how cute she was. They all got up on the stairs an she zoomed up to get next to Niel. She was hidden by the other girls but Niel helped her get positioned so she could be seen it was such a precious interaction I wish I could have recorded it :( Once she was done she went back to my dad and I went to get my snapshots. First I got cap he was sitting down and I don’t remember if he said anything or not I said hi we took the pic then we said thank you and I got in line for Chunji. Chunjis greetings were Always so bright he said hi and he wrapped his arm around me (I felt like the queen of the world my dude Chunji has an affect) i finished we both said thank you and I got in line for Niel. About halfway down the line I started getting teary-eyed and had to do everything In my power to not have an absolute break down. When I got to him We both said hi and then we took the photo and he wrapped his arm around me and put his head on mine and held me so snugly and close. I almost started crying again but there was no way I’m crying in front of Niel cap Chunji and all these people so a bitch sucked those tears up. We take the photo and say thank you but as I start to walk forward to leave Niel quickly bent down and moved a basket full of film cartridges out of the way 🥺 I said thank you (shocker) and he says “you’re welcome” in his precious lil voice. I finished and went to go get my photo with changjo and Ricky. Ricky said hi all bubbly and cheery but he quickly changed when we did the pose. Ricky put on his smolder 😩I tried to stare him down too but ended up having to look away and just focus on the camera at the last second. I was wRECKeD. I was so disoriented by the smolderTM that I started to run away and almost forgot my picture 😭🤣Last but not least I finally get to changjo and again he just makes you feel like you’re the only person there and that he’s been waiting all his life just to meet you. I held his (huge) hand in his and kinda felt bad cuz he was so warm and soft and I was damn near frozen solid. Once I got my photo I realized I was done ☹️ so I went outside to wait for my sisters. I don’t really know what else to say other than they were just as amazing as the first time I saw them and I feel like I’ve been renewed, reborn, rejuvenated just by seeing them. I had so much fun the boys were wonderful the fans were wonderful and very respectful no grabbing (that I saw) or unnecessary shrieking in inappropriate times just overall really great and I really hope to do this again some day. Everyone was wonderful and the staff especially were very nice and helpful but the way some things were managed was very poorly and confusing other than that everything went great. I really hope they read my letter because it’s everything I’ve ever wanted to say to them and I need them to know just how much they’ve helped me in life.

[selphiahaven]

Selphia Haven: How it Began

Just over a year ago, I decided to make Selphia Haven. I would like to believe most blogs are made just for fun, or in order to show support and love for a special niche.

This blog was originally made for a different purpose.

Please note that my story may hold some triggering subjects for people. Please read at your own risk.

It was February of last year when I realized I had depression, but the seeds of it started to plant a lot earlier. For example, I think the hopelessness in my life started around the time that the Charlottesville white nationalist protest was being covered. News stories like this are shocking, and unbelievably scary, for a young adult who is trying to find their way in life.

I had always tried to desperately hold onto the belief that everyone, everywhere, can love and care for each other if they are either given the right knowledge or the right opportunities. I had originally picked up this belief as a child, and wanted to grow up to become a writer who would share stories with kind messages. I pursued a passion for writing all the way up until university, wherein I discovered psychology. My area of focus switched from becoming a writer to becoming a counsellor. I was going to help people, to become someone that could help manifest hope and love within people who had lost their way.

News stories like white nationalism, and similar hateful topics, made that hope slowly slip away from my fingers.

It was a slow fall. I don't remember what happened, exactly, between the Charlottesville protests and February of last year that really wore down my hope. But, by the time the Parkland school shooting happened, all that hope disappeared. The last shred of my love for the world was gone.

What are you supposed to do in life when all this terrible, terrible stuff happens in places that you cannot directly impact? Things far worse than you can imagine, to people far younger than you might think. Watching on a TV screen, you can distance yourself; pretend it doesn't happen. But you know. You know that these terrible things are someone's reality. Someone, somewhere, has to deal with each and every one of these realities that pop up on our news stations. And you can do nothing to help it.

I didn't do much from February onwards. I ate. I slept. I still went to school and worked. But it was...robotic? Everything just kind of happened. Nothing held purpose or meaning. Assignments were just assignments. Work was just work. Food was just food. And sleep was never enough.

My love for my future career was gone. I no longer wanted to be a counsellor, because I couldn't bear to deal with it. I couldn't bear to think that I would be facing these realities every single day—talking with people who had gone through losses of loved ones, suicide attempts, rape, abuse, and so much more—and yet could not provide a source of hope for them. How do you find hope for others when there are stories out there that tell us that everything bad is still happening, right now, right here, in this moment? I could be murdered next week by simply being in the wrong supermarket when a terrorist walks in and starts shooting.

I hadn't exactly contemplated suicide. Another belief I held on to was that, no matter what happens, every step alive is still a step in a growing direction. I would not commit suicide; but I was starting to think about it a lot more. For example: What it would be like to die. And, well, how long it would take for this belief to slip from my fingers just as quietly as my previous belief on the love in the world did. How long would it be before I actually started contemplating it. How long would it be before I actually committed it. What would it take for me to believe that death would be the "best option."

What got me moving wasn't through some miraculous determination. It was fear. I didn't want to die— It scared me to even be thinking about it. I still loved things in this world. My family. My friends. I actually did like school, and though I had been viewing my schoolwork at this time a mostly assignments, I did want to continue learning about the mysteries behind psychology. It was more than just the big things, there were also simple things I wanted to live for. I love ice cream. I love the smell of vanilla. I love the feel of the sun. I love the feel of the rain too, actually, and you can't feel these things, smell these things, taste these things when you're dead.

I wanted to stay alive. I wanted to still laugh at things. I had more funny videos I wanted to watch. More books I wanted to read. There are things in this world that I haven't even heard of yet that I want to stay for and experience in the future. I wanted to write. Oh my god, I wanted to write so much. I would write without end when I was in high school, but gave it up when I started pursuing psychology. I never got back to it because I felt I wasn't good enough, but I still wanted to do it.

All these lovely things that I wanted to do, and see, and experience...

But no effort to give.

I was tired, always. Constantly. My motivation to do anything outside of "the mandatory" (School, work, etc.) was nonexistent. I wanted to write, but every sentence I wrote looked ugly, or wrong, or faulty in some way. I wanted to go out for walks, but I also didn't want to get up and out of my room. I wasn't confident in anything I did; including the things I did at school and work.

I just needed something though. I wanted to do something. Anything.

I didn't start Tumblr for Selphia Haven specifically; I started it to look at funny pictures of animals (see also: an escape from reality). But it seemed like an inviting website to find...something to do on it. It wasn't limiting like on Twitter where I could only have, like, one blog per email. Tumblr gives the opportunity to try many different blogs, if you choose to pursue many different niches.

So, something small, then. I wanted to do something small. Not something meaningful; just something that would motivate me to get out of bed and do...something outside of the mandatory. It was here that I discovered something that seemed easy enough: incorrect quote blogs. In fact, I was so interested in hearing random, funny quotes that I even follow blogs for fandoms I have never seen anything from (eg. Voltron, Harry Potter, Mystic Messenger).

RF4 wasn't my first stop, but seeing as Pandora Hearts and Vanitas no Carte already had frequently updating incorrect quotes blogs, I had to find some other fandom that didn't quite have an incorrect quote blog yet. And... Well, Rune Factory did have one before I started. @overheard-at-selphia existed a few months before I walked in. However, they seemed to only be updating maybe once or twice a month. I thought for a day about whether they might be open to sharing the spotlight with me. Then, I decided that, what the hell, I'll just do it and if they aren't a fan of it, they can always just message me and tell me to shut up.

(I still follow @overheard-at-selphia too. They still update sometimes. It makes me happy.)

On June 14th, 2018, I made my first awkward post.

I made a commitment to myself then: I would make 5 posts a day. They were easy enough to make (this was, of course, before I started adding images) so this kind of goal was realistic for me. Also, I was in the heat of summer, so I didn't have schoolwork to worry about. The queue system still saves me to this day; I don't need to worry when I know I have a busy week coming up, because I can just fill it up when I have effort, and then let it run on my "off days".

Small motivations included just a handful of notes per post, and a handful of followers that gave me incentive to continue moving. Followers meant that people were relying on me to continue making posts. I couldn't just stop without reason; this little project was my own, but I created it to be my own meaningful "mandatory project".

Five little posts a day. Gradually, gradually, gradually, I discovered some courage to try something new. I created the picture incorrect quotes through a small burst of motivation in November, and the results had been astounding. I went from getting maybe 10 notes per post (If I was lucky) to around 20-50 notes per post. And that's not even counting this fukkin monster of a post that exploded straight outta nowhere.

Three posts a day. Gradually, gradually, gradually, I discovered some new courage. Gradually, gradually, gradually, I started writing again. Gradually, gradually, I wrote something. I finished writing something. I actually posted something I wrote; just over one year of Selphia Haven's existence.

I'd love to be able to say life is better now, but I can't really say that for certain. I'm not really sure if things will be okay, and I can't make promises about life when news stories are just as depressing as they have ever been. I have no grand answers for the mysteries that plague our existence; why are we alive and what's the point in all this. And, really, none of the problems that caused my depression have really been "solved" (I still don't want to be a counsellor anymore and I haven't found a different career path yet, for example).

But...I dunno. I'm enjoying this. Making Selphia Haven. It may not be a grand, exuberant show that's going to cure depression or save the children or give starving people food, but... It's my little effort. It's my little attempt at making a bit of light. A little bit of laughter in this dark world. I think we all need that— A little bit of something that gives us light. For me, that was creating Selphia Haven. Making a little effort of my own to (hopefully) make someone smile— Even if it's just a little smile. If my existence on this Earth is just to bring a small smile to your face, well... I guess that makes it worth it for me to continue, right?

That's why I'm so eager to promote any kinds of Rune Factory blogs you guys make, actually. It was me gaining those first few followers that motivated me to continue my first small steps... Gradually, gradually, gradually, I hope that those who start small can grow into something larger too. That people have something small that they can love, or create, or follow along with.

But, I also realize that, you know, not everyone experiences depression in the same way, right? My depression was helped because I had something small I could do every day. No story is the same; but I hope that if you do want to try out making a blog like mine, you will allow me to advertise it for you.

This...maybe isn't a super uplifting story, but hey. It's my story, and it seems to be working out for me so far. I'm happy with it. I'm happy that I'm writing again. And I'm going to continue making gradual steps towards the future too, which might lead me to something bigger. Who knows.

...But I hope I can finish Castle to the West, at least. Writing that story makes me really happy. So... I guess I hope you all continue your small steps to find that thing that makes you happy too. And if you need help, please ask for help! I’d be happy to give you my support!

[manjuhitorie]

Hitorie’s unreleased concert recordings, are coming out on wowaka’s birthday

https://www.hitorie.jp/Loveless_IKI/

Hitorie’s full length DVDs of 2 concerts: The Loveless tour final and the IKI tour final in their full glory! It's region free and the release date is November, NOVEMBER, 4th. wowaka’s birthday.

The cover art has been unveiled, and the details of the bonus items have been divulged! 

The standard edition cover feautures wowaka in ai/SOlate T-shirt twanging his guitar! 

It comes with both concerts and an envelope with a lottery ticket for a chance to win a framed photo. It's cheaper and only comes with the 2 DVDs, the perfect piece! Regular edition DVD: via cdjapan

The limited edition cover features all members basked in laser lights! 

The complete special package comes with both concerts, a new special photobook of unreleased photos by cameraman Nishimaki Taichi, sticker replicas of the staff passes used for both tours, and an envelope with a lottery ticket for a chance to win a framed photo.  It’s also separated into Blu-ray and DVD, so make sure you buy the right one for your gear! DVD limited complete edition: via cdjapan   Blu-ray limited complete edition: via cdjapan Bonus pre-order items!!!

If you preorder from select stores you’ll receive a A2 size poster of the wowaka photo (Tower Records and CDJapan are sure to have it)!

Amazon preorders will include a 5 piece set of concert photo post cards! (Amazon hasn’t prepared a page yet though, I'll link it ASAP).

And preorders from the concert venue booths will nab you a Hitorie-chan themed ticket case. 

The track list is as follows

From Hitorie’s UNKNOWN-TOUR 2018 "Loveless" at EX THEATER ROPPONGI March 25th 2018 01. NAI. 02. Shinya 0-ji 03. Inperfection 04. One Me Two Hearts 05. Nichijou to Chikyuu no Gakubuchi 06. Bathtub and Sleepwalk 07. Eve Stepper 08. Loveless 09. Monocolor 10. Glare 11. Senseless Wonder 12. Unhappy Refrain 13. Social Clock 14. Namid[A]me 15. Talkie Dance 16. Unknown Mother Goose 17. Absolute Encore 1. Dancing Mannequin, Singing Fool Encore 2. Little Cry Baby

AND

From Hitorie’s National Solo Tour 2017 "IKI" at STUDIO COAST May 7th 2017 01. Heart Breath 02. One Me Two Hearts 03. Inperfection 04. Daydreamer(s) 05. Eve Stepper 06. Rularula 07. doppel 08. Lights in the Polar Night 09. Saihate 10. KOTONOHA 11. Hagure no Color 12. 5 Count Hello 13. Dancing Mannequin, Singing Fool 14. Shutter Doll 15. Little Cry Baby 16. Glare Encore 1. Kara no Waremono Encore 2. Senseless Wonder Encore 3. SisterJudy Encore 4. Montage Girl

"The full crowd bouncing around today was the best, I wish I could've shown everybody how crazy you guys looked. Please stick with us through future endeavors to come." After the IKI show in the DVD, ygarshy had said this.

And now.... that chance to see that day's craziness and follow their future is upon us, please do consider purchasing and dancing!!! And thank you for looking... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

⚠️~~~⚠️~~~⚠️The rest of this post is unnecessary bonus manju material⚠️~~~⚠️~~~⚠️

I had report on the Loveless final compiled together from way back on March 28th 2019, so I’ll post it here again to give a small taste....!

●The stage lighting for Namid[A]me was apparently breathtaking, they made it look like it was actually raining, ●Yumao used a real gong for Social Clock. ●During Senseless Wonder yg went all the way over to snd’s side of the stage, stuck his body against his, and they played it out together. Then came the encore MC break.

●Yu started cheering himself on, while making flamboyant poses: "Yumaooooo!!  Oooh~!  WOooooOOah *rough voice* !!💪( ＞ω ＜💪)” Crowd: “You’re so cool~!” Yu: “Thank goo~ *Goes to a cutesy voice*” “You’re so cute~!” “Thank goo. Thank you!” SND: “Hey dude, they’re all callin’ ya cute and cool y’know.” Yu: “…(short pause) Thank goooo~~~”

wowaka: (laughing) We’re done, that's all we need for MC ahahaa.

●Leaving members stuck on what to ramble about, they’ve already talked so much throughout the whole tour, what’s left? So wo suggested that they do a re-cap on all those fun boring discussions they’ve had. Omnibus time. 

●Back when the Japan was collectively swept off their feet by the Olympic ice skater Yuzuru Hanyu-kun and his performance, wo had also praised him during MC.  Yet just thinking about him puts pressure on Yumao, it inspired Yumao to do his best. And as the next song on Rie’s set list was the inspirational Memai, he concentrated so hard, poured himself in and played super neatly, “Oh shit oh no oh shit, Hanyu-kun makes me nervous.” Yumao explained. 

●During the span of the tour SND fell off the stage way more then once... SND: “The skin on my back peeled off once too.” Yu “Eeeh?!” SND “Saying it peeeled all the way off is an overstatement but..” ”Well then the scab ripped off.” “Seriously?!” “But it healed nicely.” “Ahh” “After that, in Niigata, when I went to brandish my guitar up with a “pwooosh” towards the roof, it went bonking into my forehead.” ●SND’s middle finger had also stopped moving, (nerve palsy maybe??) During Talkie Dance there’s the “piropiropiro” where a “pero, pero” bit comes in between (Queue SND and Yuma singing the riff together), which is very straining. He has to press his fingers against the strings one by one to play it, he was scared but nonetheless. So Yuma watched him at the piropero part wondering “Oh no oh no is it gonna move? Is it moving today??””

When it came down to it his middle finger moved for him so thank goodness... (Manju comment: SND is this karma for all the times you gave the crowd the middle finger when they cheered your name,,, or flipped off girls who waved at you, or giving wo the middle finger a lot? God I love you)

●Yumao “Also ygarshy laughed ONCE!” “There was the one time I was talking nonstop (queue SND and Yumao making “blaghblergh” noises together to imitate him). When yga let out a chuckle, which made me super proud in front of everyone… I went Wahooo!!! but turns out it wasn’t because my story was funny or anything.  It was because yga was off on his own! Testing how many candies he could eat before we would shut up!” SND: “Did you chuckle because you finished the third candy?” yg: “Uhhh” SND: “Well tell us about it.” wowaka: “Is this the first time he’s talking?” yga: “See, I always think our encore MCs are… long. So I feel like having some candy. I was originally worried I wouldn’t be able to finish eating one in time, the song would start and turn into a problem, but.... it turned out that day’s had become the longest MC yet. I lost my inner bet, damn it, I thought. You guys really can talk. Three whole candies worth of talk! So I laughed, and Yumao thought I was laughing at hims story”

Yu: “Yeah yeah!! Honestly the story I had been telling didn’t have a punchline, so I just used your laugh as an escape.”

SND “Foolish” Yu “Yep” wowaka “Well that day the most” Crowd “laughing” Yumao “...Thank goo~ (laughing)” (Yumao you never have a punchline I swear to God I love you too)

●wowaka talked about the story from back when he used to be so so scared of standing in front of people. In middle school his teacher chose him to represent his class in the English speaking competition, yet he was so afraid that he just, went out to the podium crying hysterically. “I can’t talk English in front of everyone waghhh....”

But now he’s able to do >this<. He’s become such an adult. 

SND “I bet there wasn’t even as many people at the competition as there is people here today, haha and you’re able to even talk naturally here, eh, look at you.”

Yu: “Ahh even SND’s such a big boy now~.” SND: “Well we all have.” ●They announced the next nexUs tour at the Loveless tour final. “We just love doing shows” 

●Also Pre- Little Cry Baby emotional speech from wowaka.   “In living we find cool things and sparkling things, yet there’s moments when we betray those things, we worry if ahhh was I wrong with that, there’s so much of this, in actuality that’s all I do, yet still we’re made out of things we can’t throw away, that’s what I think, what is it! Like those sorta texture that have a paint dried over them, like things that are just superficial just… Those are things that I have NO FUCKING  interest in! Like it’s that, c’mON, with music, people are just humans!! trying to be, they’re trying to do what they can do! I have interest in things that only humans can do, some things that can even surpass human, and that’s what fuels me to do music. As long as you follow me, I feel like ,, I could go anywhere!!!!! thank you always, thank you for making me!! Thank you for being here!!!”

This was also the showing they used during the Memorial Service on June 1st… STAFF WE ARE GOING TO CRY “Thank you we were Hitorie, let’s definitely! *through deep breaths* definitely! Meet again!”

Also some from IKI

●wowaka’s mother came to this show.... As divulged in this interview. THE ORAL CIGARETTES had sent Rie flowers in celebration of the event, which were on display at the venue.... Shiohigari SND’s good friend went, also the Synth player of the band “the telephones” who took the picture that’s featured on this blog) went also! ●Before Shutter Doll Yumao did his signature, Yumao! Yumao! Yumao! cheer on rhythm with the familiar intro, but with “Final! Final! instead. Along with We’re ●Hagure no Color had snazzy band introductions molded in between it. ●wowaka had actually cried during Little Cry Baby..... It really is a song that’s so important to him.... I’m anxious to see the video... ●MC: One was wowaka talking about how thankful he is for everyone and everything about this IKI tour. wowaka “I don’t want it to to enddd!” SND “We’re been on this tour for 4 months, it’s been a long time though, it’s amazing, it’s a new record for us.” wowaka “Now what am I going to do with myself tomorrow.“ SND “Go back to our dark dark life...” wo “Why”

SND “You guys had been waiting outside all this time, how was it, was it cold, are you okay? Further crowd: “We were okay-! Closer crowed “(less voices) We were okay.” SND “So you guys were okay and you were cold, okay (laughing). Well if you were cold, then see this sweatshirt Leader is wearing.. please wear one too That thing is perf.  Crowd: “Woooah!!” SND: “Why the fuck ‘Woah.’ Even if you said you’re okay then still go buy one alright. Thanks..”

[slurpingsoba]

Game Over

Relationship: Shigaraki x Spinner

Word Count: about 1.9k

Notes: What started out as me trying to connect back to my childhood gamer days quickly became more Spinaraki propaganda. I think I wrote this a month ago, but I never finished it, mainly because I thought it was trash. I still think it's trash, but I slapped an ending on it so hopefully, it sounds better than it did before!

Also, this picture is the setting of the story. Sometime after Kamino

“Shigaraki”

Spinner called out his leader’s name quietly, not wanting to startle him. Shigaraki was currently cowering near the far edge of his bedroom, his eyes a bit puffy and his body curled up; the disembodied hands he held were overflowing in his arms.

He looked like he was trying to make himself as small as possible, but that was something hard to achieve with his lanky figure. Even in his own chamber, he stuck out like a sore thumb.

Shigaraki grunted as a response, and he shifted his weight from his right foot to his left foot, to his right foot again. His jittery, uncomfortable energy was seconds away from spreading to Spinner, who picked at his scales. 

“Shigaraki,” he called out again, a little louder this time. Shigaraki grimaced and dropped one of his hands to the floor.

Spinner cringed as well when the hand hit the ground. It was hard to watch Shigaraki with his face on display. You could see the intense anger and hopelessness oozing out of every expression he made. With saturated features, Shigaraki bent down to grab the hand on the floor but dropped the ones he was holding in the process. He fell to the floor along with his prized possessions. 

“Stop sulking in the corner like a fucking loser and get over here, for fuck’s sake!” Spinner’s voice cracked a bit. 

He caught a glimpse of Shigaraki’s eyes, and for a second, Spinner was scared for his life. Nobody else was in the room except for them, so Shigaraki could get away with murdering him if he wanted to. But Shigaraki was above killing his own allies, right? Right?!

Shigaraki, as lethargic and languid as he could be, got off the floor at a snail’s pace. He left the hands where they were. Spinner thought he heard some of Shigaraki’s bones crack as he inched himself up.

“Christ, it hurts to see you like this.”

“Then why don’t you leave? Everyone else did.”

Shigaraki’s tone made it seem as though everyone’s departure was a form of betrayal. He was aware that they had lives outside of the League, but he hoped that they would at least stay and comfort him in his time of need. 

Spinner’s heart felt heavier, aching in his chest as he sympathized with Shigaraki. Honestly, Spinner didn’t have any place better to be, but in order to spare Shigaraki’s feelings, he fabricated a white lie.

“I didn’t think it would be a good idea to leave you when you’re… like this.” Spinner motioned to the pile of hands on the ground, and the mess of a man standing among them.

Spinner changed the subject. “I assume you play video games, right? With all the gaming terminology you use.”

“I do.”

“Okay, so let’s play one.” Spinner pivoted on his feet and made his way towards Shigaraki’s monitors. Part of him didn’t want to know what dark and bizarre things lurked on Shigaraki’s computer, but the other part was curious. He pressed the power button on one of the monitors to boot it up as Shigaraki slithered over like a shadow.

Spinner rubbed his eyes, unaccustomed to the brightness emitting from the computer screen. It was the only source of light in the room, and he wasn’t used to using electronics in such poor conditions. 

Shigaraki, appreciating the juxtaposition between dark and light, stretched before taking a seat in front of the screens. After typing in his password, he clicked on an application on his desktop. One resembling a dirt block.

“Minecraft? Seriously?” Spinner was expecting Shigaraki to pick a horror game or at least something more on-brand. But Minecraft...

“Yeah? And what about it?” The only reason Shigaraki was playing it was because All For One bought it for him. He said the game would help him think creatively and collaborate with others in a controlled environment. Not like Shigaraki used the game constructively, anyway.

From the loading screen, Shigaraki clicked on multiplayer and went through his saved servers. After some contemplation, he selected Mineplex.

“Have you ever played?” 

“Yeah, of course. You can’t call yourself a gamer unless you’ve played Minecraft.” Spinner spoke without an ounce of sarcasm in his voice.

“I hope you’re not serious about that.”

“And what if I a- oh shit, look at that Gamertag!” Spinner interrupted himself, crowding Shigaraki’s personal space in order to get a better look at the screen.  

“‘I_Sucked_Stains_Nuts’? The Hero Killer’s groupies are fucking horny, aren’t they?” 

“With a tongue as godlike as Stain’s, why wouldn’t they be?” Spinner licked his lips. With wide eyes, Shigaraki gave Spinner a judgemental look.

“You know he stabbed me.” Shigaraki navigated his way into a mini-game. Survival games, to be specific. He entered a lobby.

“You probably deserved it.”

An exasperated expression settled on Shigaraki’s face. With a huff, he took his hand off his mouse and folded his hands. Spinner took the opportunity to seize control of the game.

“‘HeroKillerLover <3’, ‘xx_DaddyStain_xx’... would you look at that?! Stain’s quite popular in the gaming community.”

“One Minecraft server does not equate to the entirety of the gaming community. Now, give me back my mouse.” Shigaraki right hand reached towards the mouse but got swatted away.

“You know what? Fuck it. You control the mouse and I’ll control the keyboard.”

“Sounds good to me. Queue up the chat log.” Spinner said, ogling over the game like he’s never played it before. 

Oh, Shigaraki thought, a lightbulb going off in his head. Perhaps Spinner never played Minecraft before, and his earlier statement was just him trying to seem cool. 

Shigaraki found this amusing, and for the first time in a while, he cracked a smile. 

Meanwhile, Spinner read over the chat log, soaking in the nonsensical lingo that made the log incomprehensible to him. He was too old to understand the slang that tweens used. However, one thing on the log caught his attention.

A girl with rainbow hair and the Gamertag ‘Detroit_smash_me_69’ was crouching and un-crouching rapidly in the middle of the screen. She was typing in the chat.

“‘Yo, yo, Minus_U1tra_4, answer me. I like your skin,’” Spinner read out loud to himself. “What’s your Gamertag, Shigaraki?”

“Minus_U1tra_4.”

“Huh. I was expecting it to be ‘I_Hate_All_Might_’ or something.”

“That’s a bit too self-incriminating, don’t you think? My name is perfectly edgy.”

Spinner screwed up his face and raised an eyebrow. “Sure it is. Anyway, the rainbow-haired girl is trying to talk to you. She said she liked your skin.”

“I’m using the default skin.”

“Okay well still, reply back to her.” Spinner had a goofy grin on his face. He had a feeling this would be a funny encounter.

“Alright, if you say so.”

Hovering his fingers over the keys before typing, Shigaraki decided to type ‘i like urs to’ into the chat.

“That’s the wrong ‘to’. And you spelled ‘yours’ wrong.”

“I’m typing a message, not a fucking essay,” Shigaraki responded.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t use proper grammar.”

Shigaraki ignored him and read ‘Detroit_smash_me_69’s new reply. “‘Thx. Wanna smash?’”

“Whoaaa, wait a minute. Hold on a second.” Spinner backed away from the monitor in disbelief, pacing in the space behind Shigaraki’s computer setup.

“Dude, I think she’s just referencing her username. Calm down and get back over here.”

Spinner, after taking a few deep breaths, returned to his former position. “What are you gonna say now?”

Shigaraki typed into the chat window, chuckling to himself. Satisfied with his message, he pressed enter. 

‘I’ll Detroit smash you any day darling.’, showed up in the chat log under Shigaraki’s Gamertag. 

“You don’t realize how creepy that sounds-“

“Shush, I’m ~flirting.”

“She could be twelve.” Spinner attempted to reason with Shigaraki. It’s as if he’s never talked to a girl before, real or virtual. 

“‘She’ might not even be a she. Besides, what twelve year old has a Gamertag like that?”

“You know this is public? Like, everyone in this waiting room can see this right now.”

“I don’t give a shit, I’m enjoying myself. I don’t even remember the last time I’ve been able to sit down and play a game like this.”

Shigaraki’s comment caught Spinner off guard, but it reminded him that Shigaraki has been a villain for most of his life. Spinner didn’t quite grasp the twistedness of Shigaraki’s relationship with his master until now, and Spinner felt sad knowing Shigaraki never got to experience a normal life. 

“Well, I’m enjoying this as well. Even if you’re being a freak online.”

“I’m a freak offline too, you know.” Shigaraki turned around in his chair to look at Spinner. He was smirking and seemed to completely forget about the game he was playing. 

“Oh?” Spinner wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but he would be deceiving himself if he said he didn’t want to find out. He and Spinner were kindred spirits, gamers starving for justice and murder, so he didn’t dismiss the prospects of growing closer to Shigaraki in a more than platonic way. 

“Especially in bed.”

“Oh?” Maybe the Hero Killer fanatics on Minecraft weren’t the horniest people after all. 

Shigaraki stood up and advanced towards Spinner.  “To think I was moping around earlier, when I could have been doing this.”

Spinner had no choice except to walk backward. He continued until his legs hit the side of Shigaraki’s bed and he was forced to fall onto the worn comforter. With Spinner’s back pressed against the blanket, Shigaraki bent over him, trapping him between his arms.

“...doing me?” Spinner squeaked, his cheeks heating up. Spinner was an avid gamer, and therefore a virgin, so he didn’t know how to react to the predicament he was in. Sexual intimacy was new territory for him, but he wouldn’t mind exploring it with-

“Kurogiri said you guys can’t use the WiFi. With All For One gone, nobody’s here to pay for the internet anymore.” Dabi interrupted Spinner’s train of thought. 

Dabi’s voice made chills run down Spinner’s spine. He left Shigaraki’s room about an hour ago, so Spinner was surprised he was back so soon. Why was he here? Why did he have to be such a cockblocker??

“Shit,” Shigaraki exclaimed, not moving from over Spinner. 

“Why don’t you nerds try going outside for once? I heard the graphics out there are incredible!”

“Why don’t you try minding your own damn business for once? I’m about to get some.” Shigaraki barked back at Dabi.

“Yeah! I’m about to get some!” Spinner echoed from under Shigaraki, his every word dripping with excitement. Somehow, Spinner felt breathless already, although Shigaraki hadn't even touched him yet. 

“Gross,” Dabi muttered before walking out of Shigaraki’s room and closing the door behind him, leaving Spinner and Shigaraki alone again. 

Faint sounds from Shigaraki’s computer provided a distraction for Spinner, who was too overwhelmed to function. He looked into Shigaraki’s ruby eyes and found himself starstruck by the man he called a loser just a while ago. Reality was so much better than fictional worlds at times, and this was one of those times.

“Guess I wasn’t that bad of a flirt after all,” Shigaraki said, before leaning down over Spinner’s trembling form.  

Stain’s nuts weren’t the only thing getting sucked tonight.

[crimsonblackrose]

Around the end of November Nathalie hosted her last Thanksgiving dinner. Since that usually means a full house and it coincided with another friend’s birthday I decided to stay in Seoul again. While trying to figure out where to eat Friday night I saw that on Kakao map there was a BTS symbol and looked it up. Turns out I was down the street from the House of BTS pop up shop and figured I’d give it a try.

BTS or 방탄소년단 is a Korean pop band that’s been performing since 2013 and has reached international fame. They’re well known across the globe. At my old school my students would come running into my classroom as soon as they could because I’d let them pick things to watch on Youtube before class started. I saw whatever the newest BTS music video was along with many many dance practice videos. I didn’t always hear them particularly well over the screams and fan chants my students did while dancing along. Because my students were obsessed I didn’t feel comfortable jumping down the same rabbit hole, and instead just casually enjoyed their music when the kids requested it or someone played it, and watched their American talk show interviews so I could share them with my students if it was appropriate.

But a couple of my friends are Army. (The term for the fans.) I figured since I was in Seoul during the House of BTS pop-up and the holidays were coming up as well as some milestone birthdays and because I’m a curious blogger, I headed over after having dinner and doing some errands. The group chat for Nathalie’s Thanksgiving festivities had suddenly sparked into how dressed up everyone was going to be and I didn’t have anything dressy packed. Gangnam has a pretty nice selection of stores including an underground market so I planned to search till I found something. I ended up finding a sweater I liked pretty quickly.  (Okay, I also went to a couple bookstores, yes I have a problem. But I only bought one book, and it was the one book I was looking for so I think it’s okay. It’s on the TBR bookcase.)

So essentially for a pop up open from 10am until 10pm I figured showing up around 8:30pm on a Friday night would be okay. I was wrong. Apparently they cut the line off between 6pm and 8pm depending on the day. So the whole thing was over, except for the few people still outside waiting in line at 8:30pm. So I hiked back down the hill and to my hotel, trying to figure out when a good time to try again would be. Turns out that was Sunday morning.

My original plan was to show up and queue at 9am. I figured if I was at least an hour early then I’d hopefully get in before noon. But my first night at the hotel I barely slept, and the second night I got back very late from Nathalie’s Thanksgiving party. I was the first one to leave the party but after a full day of birthday shenanigans on no sleep and then a very drunken Thanksgiving party where I was the only one sober meant it was time to go straight to bed. I didn’t want to have to get up early and wait in the cold on so little sleep so I set an alarm for 9:30.

Gotta get through my TBR, which means reading in the rain while in line.

I got up before my alarm, ate breakfast at the hotel and packed up all my stuff and left it at the front desk after check out. Then after taking one step outside and realizing it was pouring rain I immediately turned around and went back to the front desk to ask for my stuff again. Thankfully I had packed an umbrella, it was just at the bottom of my bag. Then I hiked back towards the pop up shop. On the way I noticed a long line spilling down the main road and felt a bit of panic. The pop up was halfway up the hill and if it was down the street already it was going to be an awful morning. Nope, turns out people were queued up for something else. But that didn’t mean I was let off easily. The line ended up being up the hill and around the corner. But it moved fairly fast because it wasn’t a line to get in per-say but actually a line to get a time to actually get into line. That line was about an hour and a half. It was like the Stranger Things Pop up where you only needed on person in line who’d type in their Korean phone number into a tablet and explain how many people were in their group and then go do something else until it was time to get back in line. It all worked through KakaoTalk. So if you plan to do any pop ups in Korea, having a Korean number (or a number that works in Korea) hooked up to KakaoTalk is a must.

Waiting in line #2, the line I got in for my timed entrance

I think it’s really a clever way to go about events with long lines. It keeps you from wasting your entire day in line. So after I got my number I was told to come back around 1. I went to a cafe nearby, got myself a peppermint tea and waited. Then went to lunch and towards the end of my meal my phone got a Kakao message saying to come back to the line. Thankfully I was only a block away so I hurried back up the hill to where I’d gotten my ticket and then got in the new line. In this line I had to show them my time/number receipt and keep it handy to show the staff at several different points before someone collected it at the entrance to the final line.

Line #3 outside the pop up (final line)

I was given a map of the pop up shop and a list of things they had for sale. I also got a very tiny pink pencil that said “House of BTS” and a pink snap bracelet that said the same. Then I waited in the rain with a bunch of other people until we were escorted down the hill to the main line in rows of two like school children. At which point we were in the real line. Despite the rain I tried to figure out the layout of the pop up and what I wanted to do.

Entrance to the pop up with the muffled sound of BTS music

There were 3 floors and a basement. We all started in the basement and when finished with the entire experience could exit via the first floor. The basement was only accessible for as long as we were in it. Once we left the basement we couldn’t return to it. It was also the merchandise display room. All the things they were selling for the day were on display with a giant wall of different music videos playing.

The map we were given was also a catalog and depending on what you wanted you marked the correct item and number. I wandered around looking at things trying to figure out good gifts and taking pictures. Eventually I picked a display case and using my tiny pink pencil marked the things I planned to buy and headed to the counter. At the counter a staffer in pink went over my order with me and told me the things on my list they were sold out of. I didn’t want to re-configure my list so I just got the things on it that they did have.

I was given a buzzer, the kind they have at restaurants, and went upstairs.

That panic when one of your buzzers goes off and you get in line and then the other buzzer goes off while you’re in the pick up line for the first buzzer. Help.

The first floor was item pick up, stamps for the House of BTS bingo, and the cafe. I thought with all the people there that it might take awhile for my stuff to come out so I popped over to the cafe to place an order. I was determined to play Bingo and get all the stamps. I love stamp relays and assumed it was something similar. It included making purchases as half the options. They had a couple of BTS themed drinks and thankfully included on the menu what was in them.

I went for Fake Love, a blackberry apple juice with a slice of dried apple. I paid, got another buzzer and then my first buzzer went off. So I turned around and got in the line for item pick up. While in line for item pick up my other buzzer went off that my drink was ready. I waved to the cafe lady an apology and she warned the guy who set my drink out that I was in line. It took a couple versions of pantomiming to get that, but eventually I got my gifts and was free from the line, just in time for the buzzer to go off again. I hurried around to the pick up part of the cafe while the new barista was looking around the crowd to find the owner of my poor lonely Fake Love drink. It was a mess. I had misread the first buzzer and thought it said that once I picked up my shopping that I had to leave. So I had assumed I needed to rush around and do everything I wanted before picking up my shopping. I also assumed with all the people there who were also presumably doing a lot more shopping then me, that it’d take a while. But after talking with the staff I was reassured there was no rush. I just couldn’t go downstairs and do more shopping. So I picked up my drink, took pictures and enjoyed.

There weren’t any seats, so I stood at a table sipping my drink. It was refreshing after being in line for so long, it was well after 2pm, and I really enjoyed the apple slice that I fished out. With shopping procured and a drink had, I headed to the stamp spot.

There was a chance for different prizes based on the amount of bingo’s you got. In order to secure bingo’s I had to show my receipts and follow the BTS merchandise twitter, which I had done while waiting in line to get in. For each thing of merch you buy you got one stamp. Since my list had gotten shrunken by things being sold out I had a grand total of three things. Which got me three stamps. My drink got me another as did following the twitter account, and lastly being there got me my bingo. Sadly being there or “attendance” was the other biggest part of the bingo card and you could only get one per day. There was no way I’d be able to come back another day to get anything beyond one bingo. They also made it so you couldn’t share the bingo card by writing your full name as shown on your passport or ID (In my case A.R.C: Alien Registration Card) and your date of birth on the card. Because I would’ve gifted it to someone else more determined then myself. But I did win a postcard.

After collecting my postcard I went up to the second floor which was a spot for photos. They had cartoon chibi versions of the members of the band, with the bases signed for people to pose and take pictures with. There was also a bus stop with writing all over it that people were trying to get pictures with on their own but the crowding kept drawing the staff over to tell people they couldn’t do that. There was also some colorful streamers and a spot to take a picture that was suppose to go with their music video “Idol”. Actually most sections were meant to go with specific music videos, since they were playing each specific song on loop somewhere near each section. It was really interesting and definitely a fun space for taking pictures, just a bit too crowded to do it easily.

Then I got in line for the third floor. The line was very long, spilling down the stairs, and it moved very slowly up. For me, it was a huge waste of my time. The line slowly curled around one room with some merch and a full cardboard cut out of the band sitting down. The idea was it was for a cute photo with the band, but there was no way to easily leave or figure out what the line was for until you were next to go into the room. Meaning, I’m pretty sure, I was the fastest moving person for that room. I took a couple pictures while the girls in front of me took pictures, then I took one more picture, then left.

And that was it. That was the entirety of the House of BTS. As a more casual listener of BTS it wasn’t as exciting. Getting some Christmas/birthday shopping done is exciting, but the amount of time I waited to essentially go shopping was…questionable. The rest of it is an intagramable space but without the ability to allow you to enjoy it as an intagramable space. It was a bit too crowded. Though with BTS’s popularity that shouldn’t be surprising and I should probably be grateful I managed to get in and through as quickly as I did.

I am however a sucker for a good bingo/stamp relay, but because there weren’t actual missions or places or events for me to get stamps and the only way to get them was to come back which meant I was ultimately disappointed.

A pop up generally means something that is short lived and that closes after a couple weeks or a month. However I’m not sure if that’s the case with the BTS pop up since it also seems to function as a BTS merch store where the items and some of the designs rotate out.  If you’re planning to be in Korea and are curious if it’s happening I suggest checking out the twitter they had me follow.  It’s mostly in Korean but will link to the proper Facebook posts which tend to have English translations and more details. Apparently it was only suppose to be up for a short period of time and closed in January, but check that twitter to see if it’s still up, or has reopened. There are also ones suppose to be opening in other countries.

The House of BTS Around the end of November Nathalie hosted her last Thanksgiving dinner. Since that usually means a full house and it coincided with another friend's birthday I decided to stay in Seoul again.