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pinky-the-elephant-room · 4 years ago

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AN: Ok so I’ve been gone for a while but I’ve hit a milestone in my followers and I decided to write one for my original anime hubby. He’s an oldie but a classic. Everyone loves Kakashi-sensei. Anyway It’s a long one so I hope you enjoy!

Warning: Implied smut but fairly SFW.

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Everyone has read the Fanfiction, and everyone has read the stories. Someone mysteriously dies and gets reborn in a new world. Only to train and become a badass before eventually getting their favorite character to fall in love with them. All while changing the story to prevent people, they’ve never met from dying. It was a wish fulfilment story and it works as entertainment. But real life is so much more difficult than anyone realizes.

Because in the end the person I was before never really changed even when I was reborn into a world of ninjas.

My first memory that I can clearly remember is eating ice cream outside my parent’s farm. I was born in a mundane village a few miles from Konoha. Ice cream was a rare summer treat that my parents occasionally indulged me and my five siblings in. It was on this rice farm where I spent the first five years of my childhood. I went to a civilian school that taught me to write and read before spending the rest of my days helping my family. I remembered nothing from my previous life. Just flashbacks and deja vus that left reminiscent feelings lurking in the back of my mind. Kanji was unexpectedly hard for me versus my sibling who picked it up with ease. Yet, when I finally grasped the language, I kept journals of writings not knowing that it was a passion resembling my former self. I also never understood my connection with cats. I was known as the resident cat girl that went around picking up stray cats to bring back to our farm. And the cats formed a bond, only tolerating me and hissing at everyone else who dared to approach them.

The peaceful years unfortunately didn’t last. Over the years war and bandits took a toll on our quiet town and maintaining a farm was no longer profitable. So, my parents made the decision to sell off their land and move to Konoha. Though, my parents were apprehensive, me and my sibling were ecstatic at living in a shinobi village. Everyone knew of shinobis, the legends surrounding them. Tales of bravery, heartache, and loyalty, it fascinated the residents of the village.

We moved into Konoha early August just before winter arrived and were citizens after 3 months. The process was short due to our lack of shinobi lineage and arriving from a civilian farm town. It was in Konoha that I really got my first exposure to what shinobis actually were. Seeing them jump off the roofs while my father tended his produce stall was mesmerizing. Playing ninja with the rest of the kids and constantly being surrounded by the hype eventually got to the point where I wanted to become a ninja myself. Along with two of my younger siblings, I begged my parents to attend the academy. They eventually relented when they realized the village offered funding for civilian children to attend. I was the only one out of my siblings to pass the entrance exam. I was the only one physically fit enough where they thought I had potential. when I left for that first day, it led to some tantrums and pouting from my siblings who didn’t make it. They eventually overcame their jealousy. They loved to hear about each and every new jutsu that I learned.

It was at the academy when I first saw him. It was him who destroyed my delusions and awakened my suppressed memories. It was Itachi Uchiha. Yet, despite his young age he kept up with the rest of his older classmates. He was only 5 years old, a prodigy amongst prodigies. When I saw his cherub, cute face for the first time, it gave me a headache. It started off as a numbing sensation on the side of my head. I collapsed on my bed from the exhaustion, closing my eyes because the blurred vision made the pain that much worse. I slept off my headache for the rest of the day. And all my previous memories were unlocked.

I was a boring human being. A lazy person who had a multitude of mental issues that barely survived off my paycheck. Got married to an equally mundane individual and by the time we were 30, the passion had worn off. We never got divorced, too afraid of dating again and leaving our two children without each other. The only happiness that kept me grounded was my writing and my hobbies. Growing up I loved anime and lessened as I grew up with more and more responsibility. But Naruto was my childhood and coping mechanism when I got bullied. And out of Naruto was my favorite character, Itachi Uchiha.

I don’t think I need to explain why anyone likes Itachi. From his tragic background and his love for his younger brother. Once as a naïve girl, I wanted to find someone like him or at least wished for a brother who loved his younger siblings like he did. And now somehow those desires came true. Because he sat only 3 rows away. Coupled with my new body’s memories of admiration for the young boy and along with my love and knowledge of what he was going to do in the future, made me yearn for him.

Not in a weird, sexual way. After all, I was still only 8 and he 5, but I wanted to be his friend. I wanted to be his confidant and most of all I wanted to save him.

When I spotted him alone at a lunch break, I decided to go introduce myself. This was going to be the new beginning of a friendship and hopefully more down the lane.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves before approaching the quiet boy.

“Hello, are you Itachi-kun? Nice to meet you! I’m L/N Y/N and I sit behind you,” I cheerfully said and waved at him excitedly.

He blinked slowly and stared at me for a few minutes.

“Yes…. Nice to meet you too,” he uttered.

He stared at me for a few more minutes, making the situation more and more awkward. I let out a nervous chuckle and shuffled my feet at his intense gaze.

Itachi raised his eyebrow as if asking if I wanted anything else.

“Well I-“ I began, but was interrupted by a loud screech.

A boy collided with Itachi and knocked him over. The two tussled for a few minutes, the unknown boy laughing gleefully. While Itachi just sighed and dodged his rambunctious friend.

“Oy! Itachi, did you bring an extra bento that Mikoto-sama prepared?” The boy looked up and I stopped breathing.

It was a clearly healthy and alive, Shisui Uchiha. After a few minutes as the boys conversed, Shisui finally noticed me standing awkwardly in front of them.

He looked at me curiously and asked, “who are you?”

“That’s just my classmate. Anyway, Shisui I have my bento over there. Come,” the solemn boy said. The two boys then left while I just watched wide eyed.

Ok, so the first introduction didn’t go as I planned but I tried multiple times. However, each attempt was just as awkward as the first as I stammered and squirmed in front of Itachi’s inquisitive gaze. Apparently, my inept skills at talking to boys had somehow labeled me as a fangirl, I overheard the young boy tell his cousin.

Once after class, I watched a pretty Izumi clutch a content Itachi as he conversed with Shisui. The three Uchiha unaware of the turmoil in my heart as they went home for the day happily. I realized that day Itachi didn’t have a place for me. This world had no place for me because I was never meant to be here. This story wasn’t mine and it was never going to be.

I never tried again to attempt a conversation, too embarrassed by being called a fangirl. Before I knew it, the year was over and Itachi had graduated early along with his talented cousin. Farther away from my reach than ever, I again realized the difference between myself and the genius. I was still stuck in the academy at 9 years old with my peers. Most of all I knew in the depths of my heart that I couldn’t save him from his fate. Reality was much more bitter than anyone realized.

As for me I finally graduated on my birthday and my parents took us all out for yakitori at a restaurant. I was still going to try my hardest to be the best shinobi I possibly could be. At least if I couldn’t save Itachi and the Uchiha from the inevitable, which I doubt most people in my place could.

Unfortunately for me, my hardest didn’t amount to much. My sensei was a young impatient Genma who ironically had a toothpick in his mouth instead of a senbon. Let me summarize it for you, my team failed. Miserably. I stood there in horror, watching as my hopes and dreams for the future dissolved right in front of me. I rushed after Genma, pleading, and begging for another chance. Even resorting to full on ugly crying while he stood looking painfully uncomfortable.

“Please! I just wanna make a difference!” I begged as tears dripped down my face.

He sighed. “Fine! Just please stop crying. You’re embarrassing yourself and me.”

Genma recommended me for the Genin corps. It wasn’t where I wanted to be, but I also didn’t want to go back to academy. I figured if I spent a year on the corps, I could eventually find myself a Genin team before advancing onto Chunin.

However, once again what actually happened was far from my expectation. I didn’t spend a year or 2 years. I spent 7 years on the Genin corps. S-E-V-E-N. Years. I even spent a year on a Genin team when I was 13 only to realize my potential compared to my peers was very low. Don’t get me wrong my reincarnated body was ten times healthier and in shape than my previous coach potato one. I could barely run a mile in my previous life whereas now I could run 3 miles. However, that achievement paled in comparison to the average ninja. No matter what I did, whether it was taijutsu, genjutsu, or even ninjutsu was dull compared to everyone else. My punches lacked force, I didn’t have enough chakra for the higher level jutsus, and I couldn’t even tell the difference between a basic genjutsu to a complicated one.

Basically, I sucked, so I stuck to Genin corps. For the money of course, it paid pretty well in comparison to civilian jobs. I bought an apartment at 15 and I was able to provide for myself. But the crushing truth took a toll on my mental health. I just spend the time where I wasn’t working in my bed. I barely had energy to feed myself. I didn’t snap out of until I got straightened out by my mother.

“Y/N! When was the last time you took a bath or had a proper night sleep?!” Okasan yelled when she made an impromptu visit to my apartment.

I shrugged and took a bite of my rice ball that Okasan so nicely prepared for me.

“Look, I know being a ninja was your goal. But not everything in life works out. And not everyone has to be a shinobi to have a good life!” she said as her eyes softened.

“But what else am I supposed to do? I’ve been training to be a shinobi since I was 8 years old and none of the other jobs pay so generously,” I replied dully.

Okasan reached over and patted my hand. “Well, you don’t have to quit being a Genin just yet. Try new things or figure what else you want to do before you retire. Hell, when was the last time you had a hobby? You don’t even write like you use to.”

I considered it, maybe I could take up calligraphy or start writing again like I used to. I haven’t written anything down since I made Genin.

“Alright, I’ll think about it. But I’m not promising anything,” I grumbled.

“As long as you snap out of this funk and start taking care of yourself is all I ask for, Y/N” Okasan said with a soft smile.

It took a while after that conversation, but little by little I started to put in effort again. I cut my shaggy hair into an acceptable style, showered every day, and ate my meals on time. I even adopted a little stray off the streets that made itself home in my small apartment. One night coming home after my late shift, I stopped by a bookstore to buy a sturdy journal. I started off by journaling my daily life before letting my creative mind drift. In my previous life, I was a self-published erotica writer that basically did it for fun. Maybe it was something I could attempt again.

There were many drafts before I settled on a topic that I felt passionate about. In the Elemental nations, they idealized a woman who waited. Just take the bestselling Icha Icha novel for example, it involved a ninja who abandoned his wife because he was scared his enemies would target her. He spent the entire novel hoeing his way through the countries, only to realize he was still in love with his wife. The wife, who by the way, spent years celibate and faithfully waiting for her husband. That novel made me infuriatingly mad because it highlighted the double standards of the world I was born in so well. Hell, even in the future Sakura and Hinata would waste their lives, faithfully waiting on the men they love to reciprocate their feelings.

So, for my novel I decided to juxtapose those stereotypes by writing a novel about a woman named Sayaka whose boyfriend would break up with her, unknowing she was pregnant with his child. She spends her life trying to provide for her child, only for him to be kidnapped because he had a rare keikei genkai. She hires a local mercenary (Mahiro) except he’s not interested in her money but rather her. The rest of the plot was not decided yet, but I would see where it goes and plan accordingly.

The more I wrote the better I felt and the disappointment that was my career no longer felt like a death sentence. Without a laptop or anything to help me write, I had to resort to buying a used typewriter. Still I would rush home each day, excited to write another chapter. Or to get lost in the filthy world of the mercenary and desperate mother. There weren’t a lot of people I could trust to edit so I spent months editing and reediting until I had the best version of my novel. And then when I was done, I had no idea what to do with it. Did I really want to become an erotica author in this world? As violent as it was, the Elemental nations were still conservative regarding sexuality. There were many female readers who loved Icha Icha but didn’t show it in public because it was seen as a dirty book for old men. After much deliberation, I decided to contact publishing agencies that weren’t affiliated with Icha Icha.

Waiting for their responses took months and many rejections before my novel was picked up by a small agency that mostly published Nonfiction. The agency would send an editor to talk about contracts and the novel itself to Konoha. So, by my 18th birthday, I was anxiously awaiting where else fate would take me.

The editor and I had decided on a family restaurant to meet up and I dressed in my best clothes to give off the optimum impression. I really wanted this to work out for me. For once.

It didn’t take long before a harried young man in a suit came in and looked around anxiously.

“Nino-san! Over here!” I called out and waved my hand to get his attention.

He looked at me in surprise and sat down across from me.

“Uh, hello. Excuse me can you tell when Y/N-san will arrive? I’m kind of on a deadline.”

I looked at him weirdly. “Um, I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you,” I said cautiously.

He stuttered wildly, blushing as he pointed at me. “B-be serious! No way are you her! You’re way too young to be writing such a – “

“Filthy, dirty novel?” I finished wryly.

He shook his head vigorously. “No! I meant such a hardcore erotica! I-I’m so sorry that came out wrong.”

I just laughed. “It’s ok. I’m a shinobi, we age faster than we look due to the trauma.”

We spent the next hour talking about the novel itself and how it would be promoted.

“So, Y/N-san. Our agency usually doesn’t deal with erotica. But your novel has a good chance to sell well if someone promoted it correctly. We want this to be known as the Icha Icha for women.”

I felt my eyebrows furrow. “Isn’t that a little presumptuous? Won’t I just get hate if I don’t live up to the expectations?”

The man let out a chuckle. “That’s true but I don’t think most people will be disappointed by it. Besides it’s very important for new authors to get their name out there. Maybe for future sequels we can tone it down, but for the first one we want to start off with a bang! Any publicity is better than none,” he reasoned.

Realizing the editor might have a point, I agreed and signed a contract with the publishing agency. The novel was due to be out December which is 6 months from now on. For the first time in a while I had achieved my goals. I had managed something without it going terribly wrong.

I got a small sum of money when I signed the contract, but I really wouldn’t be to collect royalties until the book was published. So, for the rest of my time I diligently did my job as a Genin by delivering messages and other nonsense jobs that were left over. As I avoided the shinobi bars that were filled with accomplished Chunins and Jounins, I promised myself that I would never again be embarrassed to walk these streets again. For the past few years, I had kept my eyes down as I walked through the villages as I got older and older, yet I still remained a Genin.

‘Please no more. Give me something to be proud of.’ I begged in my mind. Even if it meant a trashy porn, I was so low on self-esteem, anything would be worthwhile.

Luckily for me, it seemed like 18 years of bad karma was finally going to be turned around as the date to publish my novel got closer and closer. The agency hadn’t lied, they promoted my novel almost aggressively. Every bookstore had huge advertisement declaring the next big hit. Though, I had giggled almost manically when I saw the book’s cover for the first time. It reminded me of the many trashy novels from my previous life with the man’s shirtless abs on display with a beautiful woman clinging. However, for my novel it was obviously a rogue shinobi with his chest on display as a young girl clutched his biceps. Scarlet Heart series was the name I had chosen, and it stood out on the erotic cover. I saw many curious women fluttering around the display, almost shy in showing their interest. I even saw a man pulling away his pregnant wife as she read the synopsis, muttering angrily to himself.

When the launch of the book occurred, I holed myself in my apartment. I tried to relax and keep myself busy so I wouldn’t be too occupied with the reactions. I even took an entire week off from my usual work, feigning sickness in my family. I hung out with my oldest brother and his newborn son, trying to reacquaint myself with the siblings that I had long neglected.

I met up later with my editor to discuss how the book was faring, hopefully it did decent enough that I could have reason to continue my story. We met up at the same restaurant as before and Nino gave me a brilliant smile that quelled my fears.

“Y/N-san, your book’s sales did amazing in Konoha followed by Iwa and Kumo. The marketing towards women paid off because most of the sales came from women in their 20s to 40s. Heck, there were even a substantial amount from men who were curious. I think you should definitely continue this series. Do you have an idea where you’re going to take the story?” he gushed with excitement.

I sighed with relief, “I’m glad. I was so worried about the response I didn’t even go near any bookstores! As for sequels I have an inkling. I still have to work out everything, but I want to introduce Sayaka’s ex-boyfriend and maybe dabble in a proper love triangle.”

Nino-san nodded and said, “you should be careful how you write that triangle though. Some love triangles can get tedious and annoying, but it does play its part well in keeping the audience’s interest.”

Nino-san and I eagerly discussed the future for Scarlet Heart. I felt a flutter in my heart, knowing that for the first in forever I had something to look forward to.

Time Skip~ 1-year Kakashi POV:

Really with everything he had endured in his life, you would think the world would be willing to give him a break, right? Nope!

Most think it started with Obito’s death, but he thought it started with his father’s suicide that really began the downward spiral. Nevertheless, after his teammate’s death, he and Rin had rushed into a presumably “relationship”. But really it was a way to keep her close, so he didn’t lose anyone else. They never even kissed though he knew Rin desperately wanted to do all the things that couples do. But he remained closed off in those four months before she was killed. By him no less.

Afterwards included him coping with his trauma by joining Anbu (and for a short while Root). His sensei became Hokage; but even he would pass away along with his wife, leaving behind a tiny blond sacrifice for the village to turn their resentment against.

But he was getting ahead himself months before Rin’s death Jiraiya-sama had approached him with a gift.

Jiraiya gave him an exaggerated wink and giggled. “Here gaki. You’re so depressed that Minato and Kushina keep thinking they might have to stage an intervention. But what you need is a distraction and I have just the thing!”

He had handed over a book with a bright red cover before hopping roof to roof all the while laughing obnoxiously.

He took it with a surge of curiosity, emotions he hadn’t felt in a while since Obito tragically passed away (AKA crushed by a boulder, but he digresses).

That started his love, well more like obsession, with the Icha Icha series. First, he was revolted and ashamed, eager to find the Sannin and perhaps show him the effectiveness of his Chidori. But over time his curiosity couldn’t be contained, and he finished the naughty book in two days. He noticed how when he was occupied with the book, he hadn’t once thought of Obito and everything that was wrong with his life. Of course, he had a girlfriend then so he couldn’t risk being seen with the book outside of his humble apartment. But a year after Rin’s death, he ventured out with his hobby. The reactions of the general public had amused him beyond belief and a strange sense of vindictive righteousness set upon seeing his Anbu kohais’ reactions.

The reactions only encouraged him to read everywhere and anywhere. He even managed to piss off Gai once as the incensed man ran away to do a 100 more laps around the village. It didn’t last long before he reappeared to challenge Kakashi once more, but Kakashi appreciated the brief reprieve.

Anyway, the point of this rather tragic flashback wasn’t to gain sympathy for himself, but to showcase the real injustice that occurred at his tender age of 25. His beloved Icha Icha had a rival apparently. Which was bullshit, obviously. He wasn’t blind to the errors of the pornographic novel. The plot was simple, characters were paper-thin, and as more novels debuted in the series, the more apparent the similarities between each novel became. But the series was fast moving, the sex was incredibly detailed and arousing, and the series was frankly addicting. Once someone became a fan, it was impossible not to reach for the next one.

So, when he heard about this supposed series that was going to rival Icha Icha, he had scoffed and rolled his eyes. Many contenders claimed the same thing before they faded off into oblivion when everyone realized the superiority of Icha Icha. The first four months of the series’ debut he made it his mission to ignore all the hype and kept rereading his collection. After all, when the next issue of Icha Icha released, everyone would forget the hype of this wannabe.

Unfortunately, the world never adheres to his expectations and loves to fuck him over every chance it got. Kakashi, once again, had failed another Genin team because Hokage-sama thought he had potential as a sensei. He must have been smoking that pipe too much lately. The rest of his fellow Jounin invited him to a bar where he reluctantly agreed and was dragged off by Asuma.

They settled in and ordered some drinks, while Kakashi read his book, half listening to the conversation around him.

“I’m telling you this book is really good. I know people say it’s for women, but it’s so much more than that.” Kurenai persuaded Genma who just looked skeptical.

“Even Asuma liked it!” She pointed to the smoker who just looked embarrassed at the sudden attention.

Asuma cleared his voice a couple times. “Well, it’s not that bad at all. It kept me busy for a couple of hours for a few days.”

Kurenai rolled her eyes at him. “He loved it. He told me he did.”

Kakashi’s interest peaked and he lowered his book down.

“Wait, are you talking about that new series that everyone’s losing their minds over?”

Kurenai’s eyes lit up and she looked eager rather than the calm, collected Jounin she usually was.

“Yeah, you read it Kakashi? I never thought for once you would put down that trash and try something else.”

Kakashi felt his ire rise and his single visible eyesmiled at the red eyed kunoichi.

“Why Kurenai doesn’t that book also have porn in it? Doesn’t that mean you read trash too?”

Kurenai’s cheeks heated up. “Well, it does but it’s also about a betrayed woman who learns to love again and honestly it’s much more nuanced than whatever Icha Icha achieved in its six sequels.”

Kakashi felt his eyebrows rise. He highly doubted that, but he couldn’t help but add in.

“And how do you know what’s in Icha Icha?”

The blush on Kurenai’s face deepened. “I might have read it but only because Anko forced me to. To ‘loosen’ up or whatever that means.”

Their fellow Jounin chuckled as Kurenai tossed back a drink as she tried to cool her overheated face.

The conversation moved on mercifully for the embarrassed woman, but Kakashi also lost his interest and he returned to the passage where Misaki was educating her lover on the preciseness of oral sex.

Kakashi hoped that would be the last time he ever heard of that book. But again, the hype for this novel continued. He spotted more women with erotica in their hands than he ever did in his lifetime. Even kunoichi seemed to have lost their minds as the book was the hot topic no matter where he went. Even the Hokage’s secretary was seen reading the porn while she was on the job. He was sick and tired of hearing about this supposedly incredible book. Kakashi just wanted to read his book in peace can’t the village go back to a time where it wasn’t consumed by porn?

Kakashi sighed as another day passed and yet another Genin team failed. When will Hokage-sama finally get the message he just wasn’t cut out for teaching? He sighed with relief as he flipped the entrance banner of Ichikaru Ramen and sat down on one of the stools.

“Just a miso ramen. Thanks,” he called out tiredly. Kakashi looked around the restaurant and was surprised to see another person at the other end. He barely noticed her; her chakra presence wasn’t much. She was just in a plain white t shirt and some pants. A civilian he guessed. Kakashi turned back when his order was placed in front of him. He stealthily looked around the restaurant and saw no one was paying attention to him. He pulled down his mask and started eating his meal. It was nice not to eat in big gulps for once lest someone saw his face.

When he was halfway through his meal, he heard the sound of someone turning pages and muttering. He turned around to see his neighbor writing in her book and she seemed to be fairly frustrated. Just as Kakashi was about to turn around and mind his business, he noticed that the book was the infamous Scarlet Hearts. He internally groaned. Really? Just how bad was his luck?

“Is the book any good?” He called out to the young girl.

Oh, damn why was he getting her attention? Abort! Abort! This day didn’t consist of making polite conversations with a civvie.

Just as he was about to maybe perform a last minute shunshin, the girl looked up at him and stared at him in surprise.

He felt nervous when she just kept staring at him for a while. Did she recognize him as the “friend killer” and infamous “copycat ninja”?

“Uh- Hello?” He waved his hands in front of her face.

The girl looked startled and flushed. “Oh, sorry. I got lost in thought. What was your question again?”

Kakashi pointed at her book and asked, “the book, is it as good as the hype says it is?”

She just seemed even more startled by the fact that he was asking about her book. “W-well, I’m not sure about other people’s opinions. But it’s worth reading just for curiosity’s sake. I found it pretty good.”

Kakashi stared at the awful book, wishing he could set it on fire just by glaring at it. “See, I don’t see why people are comparing it to Icha Icha. It can’t possibly be that good!”

“I kind of have to agree on that. The marketing really didn’t do it justice,” the girl muttered.

Kakashi tilted his head towards the younger girl and sent a relaxed smile her way. “Ah, thank you. Finally, someone who understands.”

The girl shook her head. “I meant trying to compare the two books wasn’t a good idea. They’re two different books, the only thing they have in common is that they both have explicit scenes.”

Seeing the confused look on his face, the girl further elaborated. “Icha Icha is intended for a one type of audience and it does its job well. There’s nothing wrong with that after all it has an ardent fan in you. But I feel like Scarlet Heart can be enjoyed by any mature individual. And for me what’s the most important thing is that it portrays its women realistically. Icha Icha is based off this fantasy, ideal type of woman who doesn’t have any drama of her own and goes around solving the male character’s issues. Or she’s a passive victim in the overall story for the hero to win over. This heroine in Scarlet Heart is cynical, hard to get to know due to her past. The male character is a typical chauvinistic guy who thinks he can have anyone he wants. But over time as they get to know each other the layers fall apart to show two lonely people who’ve been waiting for someone to connect to.”

Kakashi looked at the girl critically who sent a tentative smile to him after her long explanation. Her features were quite plain and at first glance she wasn’t anything exceptional to look at. But her smile lit up her entire face. He thought over her words, no one had ever explained the book quite like that. But then again, he never gave them the time to explain either. Perhaps, he was wrong to do so.

“Here maybe you would like to form an opinion yourself and see if it holds up,” she said as she handed over her own copy of Scarlet Heart.

He grabbed it from her grip, touching her soft hands by accident, quickly pulling away. “Are you sure? Weren’t you writing in it earlier?”

With a cute prominent blush, she replied, “it’s fine I bought that paperback copy to write in. I have another one at home. You can keep it. If we meet again tell me what you thought of it.”

Kakashi nodded and put the book with his Icha Icha in the weapon pouch on his hip.

“Mah, I’m sure we will. By the way what’s your name? After all, when I see you next time, I have to thank the person who will put up with my complaints.”

“Oh, I’m L/N Y/N. Nice to meet you,” she said with another bright grin aimed his way.

Ignoring the unconscious shivers that erupted on his body, he returned it with another one of his patent fake smiles.

“Hatake Kakashi. Nice to meet you as well, Y/N-san.”

The conversation died a few minutes later and he paid for his meal before leaving for his lonesome apartment. Maybe today the lonely dwelling won’t be so bad to deal with, what with new reading material the night might just pass by really quickly.

Return to Reader’s POV

You know when I began my porn writing journey in the Naruto world, I never for a second thought I would attract Kakashi’s attention. I mean I knew he read porn, but I honestly thought he would stay attached to Icha Icha forever. In the anime, he still read the book even years after Jiraiya’s death, so it just goes to show how much of a devoted fan he was.

When I met him accidently in Ichikaru Ramen, I was in a state of shock. I’m pretty sure he thought I was just another weird fangirl. ‘Just like Itachi.’ I couldn’t help but think.

But him asking about my novel and actually pouting about the attention it gained made me giggle even hours later. Still giving away the novel I was rereading to spot mistakes and plot holes was bold. I genuinely hoped he liked the novel; it would be a huge compliment if I managed to change his perspective. I know I wasn’t ever going to change his mind about Icha Icha, but he had plenty of money to support both series. I probably wasn’t ever going to see him again, but it was nice to interact with a canon character for once without entirely embarrassing myself.

I shook off the excitement from interacting with the scarecrow sensei and tried to focus on brainstorming my second novel. The love triangle was going to become much more integral in this part and I was going have to work extra hard to make readers sympathize and like Shoutaro. Because many of my readers were already enamored with the hotheaded, flirtatious mercenary with a heart of gold, Mahiro. The best way to build the triangle was to showcase pros and cons of both men. Thereby making the triangle stronger and give readers something to root for. While there would be only one man who would get the girl, I wanted readers to feel conflicted between the two men. However, to keep the choice from happening out of nowhere, I also had to hint throughout the novel why Mahiro and Sayaka was the best choice. So, by the third novel when Sayaka made her choice, it wouldn’t seem like it happened out of nowhere. Indeed, the sequel was harder to write than the first one because I had high expectations to overcome this time. Brainstorming even took longer than normal. Though, it was challenging, I decided needed a break and took a trip to the markets to finally restock my empty fridge.

Slowly I made my way through the vegetable stalls and tried to pick out the ripest ones. Most people usually tried to barter the prices. However, since the massive royalties I had more money than I knew what to do with and so I paid the full amount at each stall. Most of the produce stalls were run by elderly couples and they needed the money for their livelihood.

I bowed to an obasan and thanked her when she gave a few extra tomatoes after I paid.

“You know most people would try to barter the prices down to a fair price,” a deep voice interrupted just as I was about to walk away.

I jumped and almost dropped my produce. A steady hand gripped my hips and set me right. I looked up to the masked, silver haired Jounin. I blushed, feeling his strong hands on my body. His single eye widened a bit before he relaxed and let go of me.

“You ok?” he asked.

“Y-yes, thank you. Hatake-san,” I stuttered and bowed my head.

“Ma, no need to call me Hatake-san. That makes me feel older than people think I am.” He said as he waved off my gratitude.

“Hai, K-kakashi-san then. What are you doing here? No offense but I didn’t realize that elite shinobis had time to shop and cook for themselves.”

It was true from what I heard. All elite shinobi, especially men, rarely cooked for themselves relying on easy to make or restaurants meals to get them through the day. Some even ate rations to forgo meals in a rush.

Kakashi raised his eyebrow at me. “Well, I was actually looking for you. I’ve finished the book you loaned me after a week. It’s only right to return it.”

I shook my head. “It’s alright. I told you to keep it didn’t I?”

I felt my head get hit lightly by something. I looked up to see it was my paperback novel. When did he pull that out? Did he have it on him all this time and I didn’t noticed it until now?

“You’re quite stubborn, aren’t you? Let’s just say I needed an excuse to find my partner in crime and tell her my opinion of the book.”

I sighed, realizing that I couldn’t get away from his rant that he will no doubt tell me with relish on how much he hated the book.

“Alright, but I have to put my groceries away.” I said lifting my bags.

“It’s fine. As long as it isn’t milk or meat it wouldn’t be spoiled for a few hours. Come on, I’ll treat you to some dango.” He walked away slightly slouched and relaxed with his hands in his pockets.

I looked after him helplessly, hesitating on whether I should follow or not.

“You better follow him, jou-chan. He’s quite handsome,” the obasan said as she helped another customer. A few giggles slipped out from the customer and I felt my cheeks go hot from embarrassment. I bowed and thanked the elderly lady again before following the Jounin.

I caught up to him in no time, we both walked silently before we came onto the small stand that was selling the sweet.

Kakashi told me to take a seat on a bench nearby as he grabbed the sweets. I put down my groceries near me as I waited for my companion to return.

He came back with two skewers of dango and handed me one while he held onto the other one.

“So, what did you think of the novel?” I asked as I took a bite of the dango.

“I hate it to admit it but it’s good. Not better than Icha Icha of course, but it’s better than some of the others that tried to ride the coattails of Icha Icha.”

I felt a burst of butterflies inside my stomach and I leaned forward eagerly. “Really?!! What did you like it about it specifically?”

He seemed amused at my enthusiasm. “Ah, well I liked how the author built up the romance. They didn’t have sex right away, but when they did it made sense-“

I felt my heartbeat increase and my ears felt hot when I heard the word sex come out of Kakashi’s mouth. How did I ever not know how nice his deep voice was? I bet he would be really good at dirty talk—Ahh, nononono. That was not a good topic to think about while you’re talking to the man. I bit my lip to concentrate on what Kakashi was trying to tell me.

“And I like how the female characters made smart decisions and acted cautiously instead of getting kidnapped all the time. It made them seem like real people instead of plot conveniences.” He finished with an eyesmile.

I returned his smile, liking that he appreciated the portrayal of the female characters. Some of the detractors apparently didn’t like the more rounded characters and felt they should just be used as sauce instead of being the main dish.

“Do you prefer the woman in Scarlet Hearts or Icha Icha?” I asked playfully.

He narrowed his eyes at my tone. “Weeeell, the women in Icha Icha are much more beautiful, but the women in Scarlet Heart are more attainable than the ones in Icha Icha.”

I let out a laugh. “That’s nice to hear. But I’m pretty sure that Sayaka isn’t a real person. Sorry, Kakashi-san.”

He let out a disappointed sigh. “I guess I will have to safeguard my heart until I can find someone close to her then.”

I snorted knowing Kakashi would remain single even at the end of the series where everyone was getting married and having kids.

“What? You think it’s hopeless?”

I just sent him an innocent smile and said,” I have no idea what you’re talking about Kakashi-san.”

Me and Kakashi stayed for a few more minutes before I decided to head home. Kakashi stuck close to me, telling me he would keep me company until I arrived. He looked surprise at the neighborhood I was living in. The small apartment I was previously inhabited was now upgraded to an upscale three-bedroom apartment. It was a safe neighborhood that was occupied by wealthy merchants and high-ranking shinobis. I ignored his reaction and continued to walk toward my apartment.

When I had trouble trying to juggle my groceries and trying to grab my keys from my purse, Kakashi stepped in to grab my bags. I thanked him and opened the door. He casually walked in and left the bags in the kitchen at my directions.

“Would you like some tea? I think some tea would be good with the sweets we just had.” Kakashi just nodded in agreement as he looked around my apartment. The tiny stray who I adopted became a giant, fluffy monster who was now sniffing Kakashi’s feet and rubbing against his legs.

I giggled and left to make some iced sencha green tea. I tried not to let my excitement that THE Hatake Kakashi was standing in my living room, distract me from being a good host. I filled the glass with tea and dropped some ice cubes in it before putting it on a tray and bringing it out to the living room.

“Kakashi-san? Here’s your tea,” I called out happily and looking up to see Kakashi’s back.

I furrowed my eyebrows when he didn’t respond. “Kakashi-san?” He was still turned around and looking at something.

I put the tray down on a coffee table and approached the unresponsive Jounin. I looked down to see papers in his hand and felt my face pale drastically.

“A-ahhh! That’s not for your eyes!” I laughed hysterically and snatched my papers from his hands. I quickly took all my notes and notebooks which I brainstormed in and dropped them off in my bedroom. With a head full of excuses as to why I had Scarlet Heart’s sequel on the sofa, I made my way back to Kakashi.

“You’re the author of Scarlet Heart?”Was the first thing he asked when he saw my face. I felt my face heat up.

“U-um, no! That was just me amateurly writing as to what I think will happen in the future!”

He shot me a serious look. “Do you think I’m stupid? That was the first chapter all neatly written down. And the character profiles of future characters like her ex-boyfriend are all filled out accurately. Plus, you’re a single young girl that’s living in such a rich neighborhood which many people can’t afford unless they have some serious cash. Cash from a recently released erotica maybe?”

His intense gaze made me sweat profusely and I couldn’t hold eye contact for more than a minute.

“Yes. Yes, I’m the author of Scarlet Hearts.” I whispered, looking at the ground.

I quickly gazed back at him when I heard a snort. Kakashi gave me an incredulous look.

“I can’t believe it. Even though I saw it with my own eyes. You’re so young! How old are you, 16?”

I pouted, puffing out my cheeks. “I’m 19! Besides you’re a shinobi what does age even matter? You’re a legal adult when you’re a Genin!”

Kakashi let out a chuckle and softly patted my head. “I know that but you’re a civilian so it’s different.”

I bit my lips deciding whether to tell him I was actually a former Genin corps. Deciding I didn’t need the genius looking at me in pity, I didn’t correct him.

“Well, now that you know. Please keep this a secret, ok? I just want to live in anonymity and write my books. Hence the pen name.”

Kakashi agreed and messed with my hair some more.

“You got it, Y/N-chan.” I blushed at the added chan in my name.

He downed his iced tea in a hurry when an Anbu appeared at the window with a mission for him. I watched with amazement as Kakashi disappeared with a shunshin and then scowled heavily looking at all the leaves on the floor of my apartment.

“Note to self. Do not let elite shinobi shunshin in and out of my apartment,” I grumbled to myself as I swept up.

Kakashi’s POV 2

You know how once you find out something about someone it changes how you look at them. He was now intensely curious about Y/N. He figured she was a normal innocent girl, but boy was he wrong about everything. How was he supposed to know that the sex scenes that had him riveted to the point that he took a shower to calm himself before he resumed reading was written by a cherub slip of a girl? After his discovery Kakashi was unable to leave her alone. He frequently took time out of day when he wasn’t on a mission or training his helpless cute team (he had a team now!!), he was spending time with Y/N. It was kind of weird at first after all he went out of his way to avoid human contact, but in this case, he wanted to know what made her tick. All her favorite things and her habits. Kakashi wanted to know what made her sad or what made her be flushed with happiness.

Most of all he wanted to know how she came up with all the scenarios in her novel. But even he knew that if he asked her bluntly, she would no doubt kick him out of her apartment and refuse to speak to him again. It also didn’t help that his imagination went wild each time he saw her. All those scenarios would inappropriately pop up in his head and she would star in all of them. The blush on her face gave him a good idea on how she would look with her eyes dilated and with him on top. Whenever that happened the excitement coursing through would become prominent and he had to take a few breaths to calm him down. Imagining Gai in a bikini always did the trick for him.

Kakashi, after months of speculation, came to one conclusion as why Y/N was so fascinating. He wanted her. He wanted her in a way that men who were attracted to women did. In a way that meant commitment and all the mushy feelings. He groaned at that idea, Kakashi so didn’t want to act like Minato-sensei whenever he was around his hot-headed wife.

He could just ignore the feelings; he was quite good at ignoring all the turmoil inside of him. But his crisis shinobi therapist said he could no longer do that. He had to solve his lingering issues if he wanted to move forward with his life like his survivor’s guilt and his unresolved issues with his dead father. So that meant he had to make it obvious to Y/N that he liked her. Should he shout his youthful love on the top of the Hokage mountain at early in the morning like Gai would do? Kakashi chuckled at the novel idea. Ok, he was trying to get her to date him not run away from him. Luckily for him, fate decided to not be a bitch this time and give Y/N a nudge.

Kakashi was inside of her apartment like he usually was nowadays with her round monster of a cat on his lap. He absentmindedly patted the feline as he purred away like no one’s business. His ninken weren’t happy with him lately, but they will have to put up with it because Y/N was going to be around him for a long time if he had anything to say about it. He looked at Y/N who was hard at work on her second novel, typing away at the machine she called a typewriter. No matter what Kakashi did today, he wasn’t able to get her attention. She was intensely focused on the sex scenes apparently, which was a shame. Because he was right here, and she could be doing much more than just imagining it.

A mischievous idea popped into his head.

“So, Y/N-chan,” he called out.

She responded with a distracted “hm”.

“Do those explicit parts have any truth to them?”

That got the attention of Y/N and she turned around with a confused look.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean most people write about what they know. So, I’m asking if you have attempted anything from the books you write?”

Kakashi had pride within himself for the many ways he made Y/N blush. But the flush on her cheeks, ears, and her neck had no rival with the way her eyes seem to swirl with embarrassment.

“Kakashi-kun! I-I-. You can’t just ask that!”

“It’s true though. Everyone does research for their novels. Especially Jiraiya-sama,” he stated nonchalantly despite his eyes beaming with amusement.

She pressed her hands against her overwhelmingly hot cheeks.

“I’m not like that Sannin! I’ve never had sex before! I’m still a virgin. I just write whatever pops into my head,” she mumbled out.

Kakashi got up and made his way to Y/N. He leaned into her face as Y/N tried to scramble back, trying to get some space in between them.

“Y/N, if you ever need inspiration for your book. I’m right here and I’m happy to volunteer for such a good cause,” he said cheekily.

Her eyes widened and she gaped at him. She blinked several times as if she couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth.

Kakashi touched her cheeks, breaking her out of the stupor she was in. As he stroked her soft skin with one hand, the other pulled down his mask to reveal his face.

Y/N let out a squeak and gazed hungrily at his exposed face. Kakashi never considered what people thought of his face honestly but her reaction was gratifying.

He leaned in even closer and her eyes fluttered closed at his proximity. Knowing she was anticipating as much he was, Kakashi wasted no time in connecting their lips. She tasted heavenly and she let out a moan when he gently nipped at her bottom lip. He’s kissed plenty of willing partners, but none excited him the way she did. Her scent and the way her breath hitched when he brought her into his embrace intoxicated him further. It was obvious from the way she was responding; Y/n didn’t have a lot of experience. But he held her face gently and slowly swirled his tongue around hers, guiding her through what might be her first kiss. When she got the hang of it, Kakashi removed his hands from her face to her hips. Not wasting another moment, he gripped her ass tightly and appreciated the thickness he had been admiring for a while. She was an eager little thing and greedy. Every time they separated for a breather; she came back with more intensity than before. It’s like he awakened something, and she was willing to take whatever she could get. Unfortunately for Y/N, he didn’t just want to spend his time kissing. No, he wanted to inspire a very, very naughty section that would light the imagination of every woman in Konoha.

Kakashi pecked her pink, swollen lips one time before removing himself. She looked earnestly at him, trying to reconnect.

“How about you and I head to your room. And I could show you the benefits of a chapter on oral sex,” he huskily whispered.

Apparently, Y/N didn’t need further prompting because she dragged him into her room and swiftly closed the door.

Kakashi spent the rest of the night fulfilling his promising words. And when the second novel of Scarlet Hearts came out, chapter 13 became infamous amongst all. And all the practitioners of oral sex cursed the author because they could not live up to the fantasy that chapter inspired.

#kakashi x you #kakashi x y/n #kakashi x reader #naruto fanfiction #naruto x reader #kakashi fanfiction #kakashi imagines #kakashi hakate #naruto

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fandompitfalls · 3 years ago

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Fandom, Misogyny, and the Struggle for "Clarice"

Originally posted 2/24/21

There’s a quote that, summarized, says, in order for a woman to be seen as an equal to men, she has to work twice as hard. And never more what that brought to light outside real life than Valentine’s Day weekend when CBS aired the premiere of Clarice.

In 1991, Silence of the Lambs, a runaway hit thriller staring Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins came onto public consumption and introduced the world to the phrase “quid pro quo” and the name Hannibal Lecter became a well-known name.

In 2013, a series by the name of Hannibal staring Mads Mikkelsen and Hugh Dancy premiered on television and was immediately embraced by the fandom community. Dating long before Silence of the Lambs, the show features a BSU consultant by the name of Will Graham who is called into service because of his unique ability to profile serial killers. He develops a professional and later, a personal relationship with Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

In the beginning the question of Will’s mental state was brought up, the reason Lecter was introduced into the series, he was hired on assess Will Graham after cases to make sure his fragile mental state was not deteriorating. It allowed Hannibal to get close to Will and manipulate him in an attempt to turn Will into a killer like himself. The show ended after three seasons and during those seasons, the show’s creator, Brian Fuller, made cinematography magic with his sets and scenes, a lot of them gruesome yet exquisite.

Hannibal became fandom’s gory darling, the relationship between Will and Hannibal being the main fodder. This was furthered by the support of Bryan Fuller’s comment in Collider stating that he saw Hannibal as being in love with Will Graham. https://collider.com/bryan-fuller-hannibal-silence-of-the-lambs-interview/

Just this past week, a new twist on the Silence of the Lambs timeline premiered with Clarice. Clarice takes place a year after Silence of the Lambs and the Buffalo Bill murders. She is pulled from the BAU and sent to a task force run by Ruth Martin, the mother of Buffalo Bill’s only surviving member, Catherine. Created by Alex Kurtzman and Jenny Lumet, Clarice is not affiliated with Hannibal, the Series, in any way, rather, it is a telling of Clarice Starling’s story after the events of Silence of the Lambs.

Here’s where it differs. And remember, this is only the first episode. By the time I post this, there will be two episodes out.

In the opening scene, Clarice Starling is sitting in a therapist’s office. The therapist, a man with no name as of yet, is trying to get her to tell him about her feelings regarding the one-year anniversary of the Buffalo Bill murders. He even has a copy of a magazine that features her on the cover with the title “Bride of Frankenstein.” The more he pushes the more she holds back, telling him the rots answers that most FBI therapists want to here. Finally, she mentions the magazine was bought by him as a trigger to see if she would break and he tells her that he thinks she’s not stable enough to go back in the field because she refuses to use to the “survivor” in relation to her encounter with Buffalo Bill. She is not a survivor, she was never kidnapped, she was an FBI agent doing a job. He also cites her relationship with Hannibal Lecter, insinuating that it was more personal in nature than he thought necessary.

Before he can put her at a desk, she is called back into the field by Ruth Martin and put under the team led by Paul Krendler, a man who Clarice “upped” in the movie when she was a trainee. He doesn’t want her there, insists on a profile after seeing the first two bodies and when she can’t give an accurate one because she doesn’t have all the evidence, he tells her she had to tell the press it’s a serial killer.

It’s already shown that Clarice has a bit of trauma with press conferences and this is something that keeps coming back. The press want Clarice and Paul Krendler just wants her to be the face of his team and tells her that she will say what he tells her to say. Clarice is not taken seriously by Krindler, by anyone else in the office, (there’s a scene where men from the other unit that share an office, coat her desk drawer with lotion and leave that lotion and a basket in the drawer and then laugh about it). Clarice is blocked at every turn by men, even her therapist calls Krindler and tells him to bench her because he’s worried about her mental state.

The first time we meet Will Graham, his mental state is mentioned as tenuous, yet the FBI have no problem throwing him right out into the field. Clarice was a trainee who managed to catch a serial killer, and somehow she’s considered too “fragile” to be put on any cases other than desk jobs. In fact, throughout the entire first episode, the only person on her new team to take an interest and believe what she says is Thomas Esquivel, an ex-special forces soldier turned agent who believes in what she says.

From the first moment of this show the misogyny was right out on view, there is no hiding that all of the men in this show do not like Clarice because she’s young, she’s a woman and they are intimidated by her talent. Her only support comes from Agent Esquivel and her friend and former trainee Ardelia Mapp.

I mention the misogyny because it’s not all on the show. It’s from the fans as well. The first time I was reminded the show was on was when I noticed Hannibal was trending on Twitter. The day and time frame Clarice aired its premiere, Twitter was lamenting that they wanted a season four of Hannibal. While researching for this blog, I used IMDB to get names and plot points. And came across this comment about the premiere:

“Can we bring back Hannibal, please?

12 February 2021 | by [redacted]

And by that I am of course referring to the excellent series featuring Mads Mikkelsen's amazing portrayal of Dr. Hannibal Lecter. That series had great style, fantastic atmosphere, and stellar directing, editing, and acting. They planned to tell the ultimate Hannibal Lecter story but only were able to make three seasons out of a seven season plan. So, here we have a Clarice Starling series that had been in the works for years but didn't get the train running till now. So the premiere - Meh. Rebecca Breeds makes a very good Clarice but nothing else is up to her level. The cinematography isn't bad but the atmosphere is lacking, the characters are none too memorable, and the storyline isn't attention grabbing enough. I give it about a season at least.”

I don’t know the time when this posted, but I’m not surprised by the comment at all. Comment and review bombing seems to be the way that fans express their “disappointment” about their old shows not getting anything…or rather, their favorite male characters not getting more screen time.

On the same page, the below link was posted. This was one day after the first episode of Clarice premiered:

Clarice: Season Two? Has the CBS TV Series Been Cancelled or Renewed Yet? 13 February 2021 | TVSeriesFinale

A freshman series about a female criminal profiler who is pushed down, ignored, harassed because of her sex. It’s almost a case of life imitating art.

I was going to leave this post as it was and post it today but last week the second episode aired which showed Clarice pushing past childhood trauma to face down a cult leader and a corrupt government system thereby earning Krendler’s respect and her position on the team. And while Thomas Esquivel told her that a team is only good if each of its members understand that they can trust and support one another, thereby hopefully foreshadowing that this team will eventually accept Clarice as one of their own and in turn she will do the same, it took her risking her life by going back inside the compound, disregarding orders and singlehandedly getting the information needed to put both the cult leader and head of the County Sheriff down for the count for Krendler to finally see her worth and decide to keep her on the team.

I liked Clarice. It was hard to watch at times, not only because of the trauma she is dealing with as well as the survivor, Catherine, calling her and harassing her, but because of the anger I felt watching Clarice get stepped on time and time again by the men in this show, only to get up and do her job. Her final speech she makes at the end of episode one about her grandmother is inspiring and gives the viewer a bit of a “in your face” to the men behind her, especially Krendler…even though we all know he’s going to make her life a living hell when they get back to the office because she didn’t follow his rules. That said, this show is very much a procedural, much like CSI or Criminal Minds. The series follows the format of the movie. This is not Hannibal. It’s not trying to be Hannibal, It is trying to be Clarice. And, as the quote goes, it’s going to have to work twice as hard to even get one half of the respect it deserves.

#FPBlog #Clarice #misogyny #fandom #televison #blog post #toxic fandom

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hieromonkcharbel · 4 years ago

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Can the Ladder, a work written by a hermit monk who lived 1,400 years ago, say something to us today? Can the existential journey of a man who lived his entire life on Mount Sinai in such a distant time be relevant to us?

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

After 20 Catecheses dedicated to the Apostle Paul, today I would like to return to presenting the great writers of the Church of the East and of the West in the Middle Ages. And I am proposing the figure of John known as Climacus, a Latin transliteration of the Greek term klimakos, which means of the ladder (klimax). This is the title of his most important work in which he describes the ladder of human life ascending towards God. He was born in about 575 a.d. He lived, therefore, during the years in which Byzantium, the capital of the Roman Empire of the East, experienced the greatest crisis in its history. The geographical situation of the Empire suddenly changed and the torrent of barbarian invasions swept away all its structures. Only the structure of the Church withstood them, continuing in these difficult times to carry out her missionary, human, social and cultural action, especially through the network of monasteries in which great religious figures such as, precisely, John Climacus were active.

John lived and told of his spiritual experiences in the Mountains of Sinai, where Moses encountered God and Elijah heard his voice. Information on him has been preserved in a brief Life (PG 88, 596-608), written by a monk, Daniel of Raithu. At the age of 16, John, who had become a monk on Mount Sinai, made himself a disciple of Abba Martyr, an "elder", that is, a "wise man". At about 20 years of age, he chose to live as a hermit in a grotto at the foot of the mountain in the locality of Tola, eight kilometres from the present-day St Catherine's Monastery. Solitude, however, did not prevent him from meeting people eager for spiritual direction, or from paying visits to several monasteries near Alexandria. In fact, far from being an escape from the world and human reality, his eremitical retreat led to ardent love for others (Life, 5) and for God (ibid., 7). After 40 years of life as a hermit, lived in love for God and for neighbour years in which he wept, prayed and fought with demons he was appointed hegumen of the large monastery on Mount Sinai and thus returned to cenobitic life in a monastery. However, several years before his death, nostalgic for the eremitical life, he handed over the government of the community to his brother, a monk in the same monastery.

John died after the year 650. He lived his life between two mountains, Sinai and Tabor and one can truly say that he radiated the light which Moses saw on Sinai and which was contemplated by the three Apostles on Mount Tabor!

He became famous, as I have already said, through his work, entitled The Climax, in the West known as the Ladder of Divine Ascent (PG 88, 632-1164). Composed at the insistent request of the hegumen of the neighbouring Monastery of Raithu in Sinai, the Ladder is a complete treatise of spiritual life in which John describes the monk's journey from renunciation of the world to the perfection of love. This journey according to his book covers 30 steps, each one of which is linked to the next. The journey may be summarized in three consecutive stages: the first is expressed in renunciation of the world in order to return to a state of evangelical childhood. Thus, the essential is not the renunciation but rather the connection with what Jesus said, that is, the return to true childhood in the spiritual sense, becoming like children. John comments: "A good foundation of three layers and three pillars is: innocence, fasting and temperance. Let all babes in Christ (cf. 1 Cor 3: 1) begin with these virtues, taking as their model the natural babes" (1, 20; 636). Voluntary detachment from beloved people and places permits the soul to enter into deeper communion with God. This renunciation leads to obedience which is the way to humility through humiliations which will never be absent on the part of the brethren. John comments: "Blessed is he who has mortified his will to the very end and has entrusted the care of himself to his teacher in the Lord: indeed he will be placed on the right hand of the Crucified One!" (4, 37; 704).

The second stage of the journey consists in spiritual combat against the passions. Every step of the ladder is linked to a principal passion that is defined and diagnosed, with an indication of the treatment and a proposal of the corresponding virtue. All together, these steps of the ladder undoubtedly constitute the most important treatise of spiritual strategy that we possess. The struggle against the passions, however, is steeped in the positive it does not remain as something negative thanks to the image of the "fire" of the Holy Spirit: that "all those who enter upon the good fight (cf. 1 Tm 6: 12), which is hard and narrow,... may realize that they must leap into the fire, if they really expect the celestial fire to dwell in them" (1,18; 636). The fire of the Holy Spirit is the fire of love and truth. The power of the Holy Spirit alone guarantees victory. However, according to John Climacus it is important to be aware that the passions are not evil in themselves; they become so through human freedom's wrong use of them. If they are purified, the passions reveal to man the path towards God with energy unified by ascesis and grace and, "if they have received from the Creator an order and a beginning..., the limit of virtue is boundless" (26/2, 37; 1068).

The last stage of the journey is Christian perfection that is developed in the last seven steps of the Ladder. These are the highest stages of spiritual life, which can be experienced by the "Hesychasts": the solitaries, those who have attained quiet and inner peace; but these stages are also accessible to the more fervent cenobites. Of the first three simplicity, humility and discernment John, in line with the Desert Fathers, considered the ability to discern, the most important. Every type of behaviour must be subject to discernment; everything, in fact, depends on one's deepest motivations, which need to be closely examined. Here one enters into the soul of the person and it is a question of reawakening in the hermit, in the Christian, spiritual sensitivity and a "feeling heart", which are gifts from God: "After God, we ought to follow our conscience as a rule and guide in everything," (26/1,5; 1013). In this way one reaches tranquillity of soul, hesychia, by means of which the soul may gaze upon the abyss of the divine mysteries.

The state of quiet, of inner peace, prepares the Hesychast for prayer which in John is twofold: "corporeal prayer" and "prayer of the heart". The former is proper to those who need the help of bodily movement: stretching out the hands, uttering groans, beating the breast, etc. (15, 26; 900). The latter is spontaneous, because it is an effect of the reawakening of spiritual sensitivity, a gift of God to those who devote themselves to corporeal prayer. In John this takes the name "Jesus prayer" (Iesou euche), and is constituted in the invocation of solely Jesus' name, an invocation that is continuous like breathing: "May your remembrance of Jesus become one with your breathing, and you will then know the usefulness of hesychia", inner peace (27/2, 26; 1112). At the end the prayer becomes very simple: the word "Jesus" simply becomes one with the breath.

The last step of the ladder (30), suffused with "the sober inebriation of the spirit", is dedicated to the supreme "trinity of virtues": faith, hope and above all charity. John also speaks of charity as eros (human love), a symbol of the matrimonial union of the soul with God, and once again chooses the image of fire to express the fervour, light and purification of love for God. The power of human love can be reoriented to God, just as a cultivated olive may be grafted on to a wild olive tree (cf. Rm 11: 24) (cf. 15, 66; 893). John is convinced that an intense experience of this eros will help the soul to advance far more than the harsh struggle against the passions, because of its great power. Thus, in our journey, the positive aspect prevails. Yet charity is also seen in close relation to hope: "Hope is the power that drives love. Thanks to hope, we can look forward to the reward of charity.... Hope is the doorway of love.... The absence of hope destroys charity: our efforts are bound to it, our labours are sustained by it, and through it we are enveloped by the mercy of God" (30, 16; 1157). The conclusion of the Ladder contains the synthesis of the work in words that the author has God himself utter: "May this ladder teach you the spiritual disposition of the virtues. I am at the summit of the ladder, and as my great initiate (St Paul) said: "So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love' (1 Cor 13: 13)!" (30, 18; 1160).

At this point, a last question must be asked: can the Ladder, a work written by a hermit monk who lived 1,400 years ago, say something to us today? Can the existential journey of a man who lived his entire life on Mount Sinai in such a distant time be relevant to us? At first glance it would seem that the answer must be "no", because John Climacus is too remote from us. But if we look a little closer, we see that the monastic life is only a great symbol of baptismal life, of Christian life. It shows, so to speak, in capital letters what we write day after day in small letters. It is a prophetic symbol that reveals what the life of the baptized person is, in communion with Christ, with his death and Resurrection. The fact that the top of the "ladder", the final steps, are at the same time the fundamental, initial and most simple virtues is particularly important to me: faith, hope and charity. These are not virtues accessible only to moral heroes; rather they are gifts of God to all the baptized: in them our life develops too. The beginning is also the end, the starting point is also the point of arrival: the whole journey towards an ever more radical realization of faith, hope and charity. The whole ascent is present in these virtues. Faith is fundamental, because this virtue implies that I renounce my arrogance, my thought, and the claim to judge by myself without entrusting myself to others. This journey towards humility, towards spiritual childhood is essential. It is necessary to overcome the attitude of arrogance that makes one say: I know better, in this my time of the 21st century, than what people could have known then. Instead, it is necessary to entrust oneself to Sacred Scripture alone, to the word of the Lord, to look out on the horizon of faith with humility, in order to enter into the enormous immensity of the universal world, of the world of God. In this way our soul grows, the sensitivity of the heart grows toward God. Rightly, John Climacus says that hope alone renders us capable of living charity; hope in which we transcend the things of every day, we do not expect success in our earthly days but we look forward to the revelation of God himself at last. It is only in this extension of our soul, in this self-transcendence, that our life becomes great and that we are able to bear the effort and disappointments of every day, that we can be kind to others without expecting any reward. Only if there is God, this great hope to which I aspire, can I take the small steps of my life and thus learn charity. The mystery of prayer, of the personal knowledge of Jesus, is concealed in charity: simple prayer that strives only to move the divine Teacher's heart. So it is that one's own heart opens, one learns from him his own kindness, his love. Let us therefore use this "ascent" of faith, hope and charity. In this way we will arrive at true life.

Vatican, Feb. 11, 2009

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jcisthebestfightme · 4 years ago

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BJYX #13: Elimination

BJYX Song Series List

Disclaimer: This is all fake. XXC wrote this.

I want to talk about another song that dd had on his song list during ttxs. I talked about how he was showing this list to gg before during analysis of “Brother and Sister” and that these might be a list of songs related to their separation after filming TU.

"Elimination” is by Eason Chen, one of dd’s favorite artist. The version that was on his song list however is a live version sang between Eason Chen and Jay Chou. Jay Chou is also one of dd’s other favorite artist (His top 4 are Eason Chen, Jay Chou, Liang Bo, and Wang Leehom.) Jay Chou is actually the composer and lyricist for this song.

I’m going to include that version instead of the original since that’s the one he listens to. I also find this version a lot happier than the original recording. It’s probably because the two singers are friends and happy to be singing together. I think it also reflects more how dd feels, kinda bittersweet I guess? It’s also sang between two friends, a bit like ggdd’s relationship. (Yes I know most of us believe that they’re more than friends but you can’t deny the foundation of friendship that exist with every couple.)

youtube

你書裡的劇情 (The story/plot in your book)

我不想上演 (I don’t want to act it out)

因為我喜歡 (Because I like)

喜劇收尾 (Happy endings)

This part reminds me of TU. The “plot/story” can be a reference to MDZS/TU which is about Wangxian. We know that while dd respects Wangxian, he has a fear that gg sees him only as LWJ and gg’s feelings towards him is only a projection of WWX’s feelings for LWJ. So for this reason, he doesn’t “want to act it out” because he doesn’t want to only pretend-play a relationship.

我試過完美放棄 (I tried to perfectly let go)

的確很踏實 (It is indeed realistic/relieving)

醒來了夢散了(Waking up, dreams faded)

你我都走散了(You and I both walked apart)

This part to me is like when ggdd had to part after summer of 2018. Dd tried to “let go” and acknowledged that it does feel more realistic than the ambiguous flirty phase during filming. Here, it talks about waking up from a “dream.” Gg has mention before that the filming of TU to him was a “dream” so we can extrapolate that the “dream” here also refers to summer of 2018. To them, it really felt like dreaming for 4 months and the ending of filming, they have to walk their separate ways. If we assume that dd was listening to this song after separation in late 2018, he probably thought this was the end to their relationship and he had to just realistically face them walking away from each other.

情歌的詞何必押韻 (Why do love songs need to rhyme?)

就算我是Ｋ歌之王 (Even if I’m the king of karaoke songs)

也不見得把 (It doesn’t mean I can)

愛情唱得完美 (Sing love perfectly)

This part of the song is obviously Eason/Jay referring to themselves being the king of music, and everyone singing their songs in karaoke. We know dd isn’t known for being the king of singing. However, the “king” stood out to me because dd has this prince-like aura to him. In addition, people like to symbolize him as a lion (for his Leo horoscope), and lion is the king of the jungle. To me, he’s the king of dancing (not saying he’s the only one but I think his skill is definitely up there.) So this part to me is him saying, even if I have all these royal qualities and capabilities, I still can’t have the person I love. From my analysis of dd, I feel like he’s the type of person that will do whatever it takes, no matter how hard it is, to obtain the thing that he wants. In a way it’s a lot easier with something like dancing or skateboard because while it takes hard work, if you put in a lot, you will get something out of it. However, with romantic relationships, and any relationship honestly, you may put in everything and come out with nothing. I think this part of the song can demonstrate that frustration. And for a 21 year old boy, it’s a difficult concept to swallow.

It’s also probably why I feel like he’s insecure around gg. He knows he really wants it but he’s unable to determine if gg will reciprocate or if gg will let him go at any moment.

只能說我輸了 (All I can say is - I lost)

也許是你怕了 (Maybe because you’re afraid)

The fact that dd, who hates losing more than anything else and will try to win, even if the prospect of it is not good, admits that he “lost” tells us how much he values gg. I think he feels that in this relationship, gg has the power to determine it. Dd is honest about his feelings from the start and has laid out what he wanted but all he can do is wait on gg to see what steps he will take.

“Maybe you’re afraid” is also very similar to the inner turmoil in gg. For someone as sensitive as gg, he must’ve thought a lot about how much this relationship will affect them. Not only their career, but in culture where homosexuality isn’t well accepted, it’s very easy for “fear” to get in the way. Gg may be afraid that this relationship may harm dd in the future and decide it’s better for them to be apart. Thankfully, they chose to be brave.

我們的回憶沒有皺摺 (Our memories have no hiccups)

你卻用離開燙下句點 (Yet you use leaving to set the ending)

The summer of 2018 while filming was nothing but sweet, flirtatious interaction between ggdd. I speculate that whatever was going on during the last 2 months of filming, whether they were in an official relationship at that point or not, ggdd was basically living the beginning of a young love. It’s possible that gg has talked to dd about separating after filming in order to get out of character. I feel like even if he did, dd probably still really hope gg wouldn’t leave him. However, gg did take time away from him after filming and asked for a break in the relationship. I think even if it was discussed previously, dd was still in shock and unable to accept that gg has left him. To him, the “memories” was nothing but sweet, so he didn’t understand why it had to end. For someone as straightforward as dd, it will take some time for him to truly grasp how much gg is probably overthinking about everything.

只能說我認了 (All I can say is - I admit it)

你的不安贏得你信任 (Your insecurity won over your trust)

我卻得到你 (And all I received)

安慰的淘汰 (Was a sympathized elimination)

This echo the previous stance of admitting lost. I think it also highlights dd’s insecurity, that gg was would pick insecurity, not of each other but insecurity from outside pressures, over the trust they have with each other. It may be hard for us to understand that now, knowing what we know and seeing how stable and loving they are. But I feel like at the moment, being in dd’s shoes, you never know. You thought everything was going well. That gg would just try to continue what they had in the summer, but instead gg had left. That’s why dd feel like he was left behind, that he was “eliminated”. The song even acknowledge that the elimination is “sympathetic,” full of care and love, but regardless, still an elimination.

I think this song for dd summarize how he felt after filming. He understands that gg had left because gg care about him and worries about harming him. But it’s still painful to feel like the person being left behind, especially when dd is so clear about what he wants. But it’s okay. We moved past that. Happy Qixi ggdd! May you guys spend another 100 Qixi together!

#bjyx #yizhan

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waritawrites · 4 years ago

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A Secret: Watch Out for the Evil Eye Symbol!

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2021/02/22/a-secret-watch-out-for-the-evil-eye-symbol/

The Evil Eye has made a reappearance into popular culture, particularly in fashion, jewelry and accessories, and alleged "art." It is a hateful stare that is used to place curses on others. In John H. Elliot's Beware the Evil Eye: The Evil Eye in the Bible and the Ancient World: -Volume 1 Introduction, Mesopotamia, and Egypt, He tells the truth about the evil eye by sharing Jesus' sermon on the mount:

"Beware the Evil Eye: The Evil Eye in the Bible and the Ancient World: -Volume 1 Introduction, Mesopotamia, and Egypt

In his celebrated 'Sermon on the Mount,' Jesus of Nazareth makes reference to one of the oldest beliefs in the ancient world the malignity of an Evil Eye (Matt 6:22-23): 'If, however, your Eye is Evil, your entire body will be full of darkness.' Another of Jesus's references to the Evil Eye appears in his parable concerning workers in a vineyard and an eruption of Evil-Eyed envy (Matt 20:1-16). At the parable’s conclusion, a generous vineyard owner chides disgruntled workers envious of their fellow laborers: 'Is your Eye Evil because I am good?' (Matt 20:15)."

According to Britannica.com

"Evil eye, glance believed to have the ability to cause injury or death to those on whom it falls; pregnant women, children, and animals are thought to be particularly susceptible. Belief in the evil eye is ancient and ubiquitous; it occurred in ancient Greece and Rome, in Jewish, Islamic, Buddhist, and Hindu traditions, and in indigenous, peasant, and other folk societies, and it has persisted throughout the world into modern times. Those most often accused of casting the evil eye include strangers, malformed individuals, childless women, and old women."

Personally, I have noticed when certain acquaintances and relatives come around catastrophe strikes not long after, especially after they have acted condescending and hateful. Once my grandmother wanted to know why I didn't want to go the wedding of one my cousins. I told her that it was because certain of our other relatives were going to the wedding and I noticed that every time there was a new encounter that would cause more frequent contact with them, catastrophes would strike. I told her that I suspected that they were practicing witchcraft. My grandmother didn't defend them - if it weren't true she would have. My grandmother said nothing. She is a woman who went out of town to the casino with her sister when I had gotten seriously ill in high school. She picked me up from school, took me home, then she and my great aunt told me that they couldn't stay - they left town told no one that I was at home sick. I almost died.

Be careful of the company that you keep - no matter who it is. Everyone who seems to treat you nice doesn't have good intentions towards you. Witches often offer gifts and favors as a way of cursing people. Do not accepts gifts if you can avoid it. Don't keep them because those may be cursed objects - THROW THEM AWAY!

!!PAY ATTENTION!! When people who you hardly ever see come around and weird things happen, pray to GOD for help and put those people in GOD's hands.

The Evil Eye is Witchcraft

Deuteronomy 18:9 - 13

9 When thou art come into the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, thou shalt not learn to do after the abominations of those nations.

10 There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch,

11 Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer.

12 For all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD: and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee.

13 Thou shalt be perfect with the LORD thy God.

Rhonda Byrne's The Secret and The Law of Attraction: It is the manifestation of an evil eye

Witches often use the evil eye in various ways. They practice its use in The Law of Attraction, which is a metaphysical principle which purports that by positive thinking you can control your world and the world around you. Kerby Anderson's The False Teaching of “The Secret” – A Christian Evaluation states:

“The Law of Attraction.”{6} You can summarize the law with three words: “Thoughts become things.” In other words, if you think hard enough about something, it will take place. Think good thoughts, and you will reap good things. Think bad thoughts, and bad things will happen to you. You create your own circumstances, and you can change those circumstances with your thoughts.

A central teaching of “The Law of Attraction” is that nothing can come into your experience unless you summon it through persistent thoughts. Thus, everything that surrounds you right now (both good and bad) has been attracted to you. As you focus on what you want, you are changing the vibration of atoms of that thing so that they begin to vibrate to you.{7} Ultimately, you determine the frequency or vibration so that you can best acquire wealth, health, and fulfillment."

Vision boards are forms of evil eye law of attraction witchcraft as well. Do not use the practices of witchcraftvto manifest the things that you want. Galatians 5:16 - 26:

Galatians 5:16 - 26:

16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

Pray and Trust in GOD for what you want according to HIS Will. James 4:2 - 17 states:

James 4:2 - 17

2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?

6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.

10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

11 Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge.

12 There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?

13 Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain:

14 Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

15 For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.

16 But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil.

17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

In pure Christianity, we recognize that witchcraft is an attempt at usurping GOD's Authority by trying to become your own god. GOD's understanding is infinite. Man's understanding is limited and finite - we don't see the whole picture - we don't know the whole situation. 1 Corinthians 13:12 says:

1 Corinthians 13:12

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

GOD sees clearly therefore leaning unto our understanding via witchcraft will bring about unholy, selfish, unrighteous results. Proverbs 3:5 - 8 says:

Proverbs 3:5 - 8

5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

8 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

#GOD #Jesus #HolySpirit #TheBible

#TheSecret #TheLawOfAttraction #RhondaByrne #Oprah #NewAge #Witches #Witchcraft #EvilEye

#GOD #Jesus #Holy Spirit #evil eye #witchcraft #wicca #christian wicca #curse #hex #spell #witch #The Secret #Rhonda Byrne #law of attraction

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thegnosticdread · 5 years ago

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Adam, Lilith, & Eve

Originally posted on: https://thegnosticdread.com/adam-lilith-eve/

The story of Adam & Eve is probably one of the most well known stories in history thanks to the widespread influence of Judeo-Christian culture. It’s a tale of the first man and woman whom all of humanity descends from according to the Biblical myth. In this post, I will use the Biblical and Gnostic traditions as well as sources beyond scripture to explain the symbolic significance of each of these characters as well as a character that is less known but has gained more popularity in recent times, Lilith.

Adam

Adam represents the Divine Masculine and Primordial Man, as well as the entirety of the human race depending on the context. For example, in Genesis 1:26-27 –

“Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, after our likeness, so they may rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move on the earth. God created humankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.”

The Hebrew word that is translated to “humankind” above is אָדָם “adam”, showing that Adam in this sense refers to the human race as a whole, both male and female being created together from the beginning. The verse also says that the human race, both men and women, were created in the image of the Divine. Therefore, the Divine must contain both masculine and feminine energies. Perfectly balanced. As all things should be. This verse also confirms that the human race has dominion over all the Earth. Therefore, the logical conclusion is that humanity, both men and women, are indeed God (Goddess) manifested into the physical. This is supported by many traditions including the Qur’an:

“Indeed, I will make upon the earth a successive authority.” – al-Qur’an 2:30 “We said to the angels, “Prostrate before Adam”; so they prostrated…”

– al-Qur’an 2:34

Many use Genesis 1:26-27 as proof that Adam (the first man) indeed had a wife that was created at the same time as him, namely, Lilith in contrast to Eve who was created later from Adam’s rib. However, this is either a misunderstanding or a misrepresentation of the source material. I will explain Lilith’s origin later in her section. For now, we will turn to the Gnostic tradition concerning the origin of Adam.

In the Gnostic scriptures, Adam is a personified principle that existed first within the Pleroma as pure mind distinct from matter and emanating from the Monad. This pure mind represented the human Reason conceived as the World-Soul (Anima mundi). This is similar to the concept of Adam Kadmon in Kabbalah. To summarize the Gnostic myths, they go on to tell about how Yaldabaoth (Yahweh or “God” from the Old Testament) and his Archons desired to create a being in the image of themselves and in the image of the original Adam within the Pleroma. When the formation of the body was complete, it was lifeless, for Yaldabaoth nor the Archons had the power to give the body life on their own. Yaldabaoth then took power he had stolen from his mother Sophia (the principle of Divine Wisdom and the principle of the Divine Feminine) and breathed it into the lifeless shell that they called “Adam”. When they had done this, Adam sprang to life. This caused Yaldabaoth and his Archons to become jealous, for them being born of ignorance, they had not realized that they had surrendered their stolen power to Adam, who was now luminous and more intelligent than them. This caused the Archons to throw Adam into the darkest depths of matter. It would later take Eve to raise Adam up out of darkness.

Lilith

The Hebrew word

לִּילִית

“lilith” appears only once in the Bible, in the Book of Isaiah 34:14 –

“Wild animals and wild dogs will congregate there; wild goats will bleat to one another. Yes, nocturnal animals will rest there and make for themselves a nest.”

The translators of the New English Translation translate “Lilith” to mean “nocturnal animals” and had this to say in their notes –

“The precise meaning of לִּילִית (lilit) is unclear, though in this context the word certainly refers to some type of wild animal or bird. The word appears to be related to לַיְלָה (laylah, “night”). Some interpret it as the name of a female night demon, on the basis of an apparent Akkadian cognate used as the name of a demon. Later Jewish legends also identified Lilith as a demon.”

It’s true indeed that the Akkadian language did have a similar word to Lilith – “Lilu” – and it is debated if the two words are cognates or related. However, it should be noted that Lilu in the Akkadian language is a masculine word, not feminine, and seems to be a general term for “demon”. In the Sumerian king list, the father of Gilgamesh is said to be a lilu. Referring back to the verse in Isaiah, it would make sense that it is referring to some type of wild animal or bird based on the fact the verses immediately before and following verse 14 are referring to animals –

“Her fortresses will be overgrown with thorns; thickets and weeds will grow in her fortified cities. Jackals will settle there; ostriches will live there.” – Isaiah 34:13 “Owls will make nests and lay eggs there; they will hatch them and protect them. Yes, hawks will gather there, each with its mate. Carefully read the scroll of the Lord! Not one of these creatures will be missing, none will lack a mate. For the Lord has issued the decree, and his own spirit gathers them. He assigns them their allotment; he measures out their assigned place. They will live there permanently; they will settle in it through successive generations.”

– Isaiah 34:15-17

The evidence doesn’t support the idea that Lilith was taken or censored out of the Bible to hide the fact that she was Adam’s first wife, as she does not appear in any Biblical apocrypha works, does not appear in any pseudepigrapha works from the Biblical period, is not mentioned in any of the gospels, and she does not appear in any of the Gnostic text from the Nag Hammadi Library, all text dating from a range of the 7th Century BCE to the 2nd Century CE. In Jewish tradition dating from the 6th century CE, Lilith is mentioned in three places within the Babylonian Talmud. Though she is not mentioned as being the wife of Adam, the text does seem to suggest she was a demon. However, it’s likely this view may have been established centuries later than when any of the previous biblical and deuterocanonical text were written and be based on the idea of the Akkadian word Lilu meaning demon.The earliest text referring to Lilith as the first wife of Adam comes from the medieval text titled The Alphabet of ben Sirach which scholars date as being written anywhere between 700 and 1000 CE. This work however was never understood as or treated as revealed or inspired scripture, rather the work was written and treated as a satire. It is from within this text alone that we are told the story of Lilith being Adam’s first wife who refused to submit to her husband.

“While God created Adam, who was alone, He said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone’ (Genesis 2:18). He also created a woman, from the earth, as He had created Adam himself, and called her Lilith. Adam and Lilith immediately began to fight. She said, ‘I will not lie below,’ and he said, ‘I will not lie beneath you, but only on top. For you are fit only to be in the bottom position, while I am to be the superior one.’ Lilith responded, ‘We are equal to each other inasmuch as we were both created from the earth.’ But they would not listen to one another. When Lilith saw this, she pronounced the Ineffable Name and flew away into the air.”

– The Alphabet of ben Sirach, fifth response to King Nebuchadnezzar.

Because of Lilith refusing to submit to Adam based on the idea that she was his equal, Lilith is sometimes exalted as a women’s empowerment or feminist icon. However, it should be noted and considered that the rest of the text goes on to describe Lilith as a demoness who terrorizes pregnant women, fornicates with demons, and murders infants. The work certainly does not paint a picture of Lilith being an ally to women. As the text is indeed a work of satire, it should also be considered that the text should not be taken too seriously in it’s treatment of Adam and Lilith. To the Gnostics, Adam and his wife Eve were seen as equals, and Eve especially was given high honor as she was responsible for Adam’s awakening.

Eve

Eve represents the Divine Feminine and is the archetype Mother of all Life. She is also responsible for Adam’s (humanity’s) awakening to their true Divine Self. As the daughter of or even a manifestation of Sophia, it was Eve who brought forth the life giving Light from the upper realms of the Pleroma into the darkness of matter so that Adam (humanity) can see. Upon seeing Adam cast in darkness by the Archons, Sophia sent her daughter Eve (also called Zoe which means “life”) to be a help and instructor to Adam and to reveal to him his true Divine nature and how to ascend back into the Pleroma from where his Spirit (the breath of life that was breathed into him) came. Eve then became hidden within Adam so that Yaldabaoth and his Archons would not be aware of her. While Adam laid dormant in the darkness he was thrown in, Eve spoke to him from within and said “Adam! Come alive! Arise upon the Earth!” Adam then sprang to life once again, and upon seeing the form of Eve said “You shall be called ‘Mother of the Living’. For it is you who have given me life.”While the Biblical text says that Eve was created from the rib of Adam, the Gnostic text demonstrates that this was a lie told in order to suppress the Divine Feminine principle and it’s role.

“Then the authorities were informed that their modeled form was alive and had arisen, and they were greatly troubled. They sent seven archangels to see what had happened. They came to Adam. When they saw Eve talking to him, they said to one another, “What sort of thing is this luminous woman? For she resembles that likeness which appeared to us in the light. Now come, let us lay hold of her and cast her seed into her, so that when she becomes soiled she may not be able to ascend into her light. Rather, those whom she bears will be under our charge. But let us not tell Adam, for he is not one of us. Rather let us bring a deep sleep over him. And let us instruct him in his sleep to the effect that she came from his rib, in order that his wife may obey, and he may be lord over her.”

Then Eve, being a force, laughed at their decision. She put mist into their eyes and secretly left her likeness with Adam.”

– On the Origin of the World

Having slipped away to be alone in the Garden of Eden, Eve was approached by the Serpent, though the exchange in the Gnostic texts is slightly different than the biblical version.

“And when he saw the likeness of their mother Eve he said to her, “What did God say to you? Was it ‘Do not eat from the tree of knowledge’?” She said, “He said not only, ‘Do not eat from it’, but, ‘Do not touch it, lest you die.'” He said to her, “Do not be afraid. In death you shall not die. For he knows that when you eat from it, your intellect will become sober and you will come to be like gods, recognizing the difference that obtains between evil men and good ones. Indeed, it was in jealousy that he said this to you, so that you would not eat from it.” Now Eve had confidence in the words of the instructor. She gazed at the tree and saw that it was beautiful and appetizing, and liked it; she took some of its fruit and ate it; and she gave some also to her husband, and he too ate it. Then their intellect became open. For when they had eaten, the light of knowledge had shone upon them.”

– On the Origin of the World

As you can see, Eve was Adam’s (and therefore, humanity’s) first Teacher, raising Adam up from the darkness of ignorance into the Light of Knowledge. She is also humanity’s first Mother, and therefore embodies the archetype of the Great Matriarch. Eve should never be thought of as being naive, submissive, or the blame for the Fall of Man in the way the Judeo-Christian religions have treated her with their Bible. It’s actually quite the opposite, and she should be honored as the Raising Up of Man. The Gnostics have always felt that we are greatly indebted to the Original Woman, who embodies the archetype of Sophia (Wisdom).To read the Gnostic text for yourself, check out

On the Origin of the World

& The Apocryphon of John

An excerpt of The Alphabet of ben Sirach concerning Lilith is on Wikipedia.

Peace, Love, & Balance

#gnosticism #hermeticism #spirituality #knowledgeofself #lefthandpath #thegnosticdread #alchemy #astrology #theurgy #magick #divination #tarot #tantra #yoga

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cajon-desastre · 5 years ago

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A small recap of 5x11

1- PB & J sandwich, what wouldn't a grandmother do for her grandson.

2- Human brutality, compassion and a prayer to wish you a good trip. We rarely have the opportunity to see Jamie's religious side but this season we have seen several.

3- I love that nod to Voyager for readers with the image of the sandwich and the wrapper in the beginning credits.

4- Oh, Jemmy. Ian doesn't understand anything but ...

5- Claire is still unable to keep her mouth shut, although she cannot avoid following her vocation and healing the wounded. A phrase from Brown that makes you think of Jamie's actions in season 4 and 5: "You think a father's got no right to seek justice for his daughter who's been dishonored?"

6- I love, I love this scene with Ian and his uncles telling him the truth. It is time to reveal so many things ... but behind closed doors.

7- And it tears my heart to seek the help of time travelers to change things, not a war, only small ones. Oh boy, how much pain are you in.

8- An unexpected visit but always very well received. Lord John returns but first there is something he wants to give Jamie. Nice detail of Sam when looking at the photo from afar like a person who needs glasses would, as indicated by another blogger. Curious, even in the image that he gives him, the boy's hair has been fixed and he does not have the horrible bangs of the previous season hahaha

9- Eau de femme.Was quite faithful to the book and did not disappoint me. I think that in many of the gestures, as usually happens with these types of scenes, they get carried away and add small details that are very well received. Like the slap on the ass to Jamie. Umm

10- I found the microscope scene amusing but too brief. Jamie's reactions in the book are very funny and I missed the funeral line. It would have been a good ending to this scene. Another bad edit?

11- Jamie and Brianna. A tender and good conversation, necessary for many reasons and that has been spared us throughout the season. Jamie telling him the whole truth about his brother and a big YES with my fist in the air for me when he says: "And it wasn't a matter of love between us, but it was her choice".

12- And the farewells continue. Marsali.. I've already lost count, is it the fourth pregnancy?

13- Jamie with his grandson, beautiful image through the window. I guess it wasn't easy getting that scene filmed with such a small boy, that's why the girl holding the horse.

14- Seeing Jamie eat the sandwich with knife and fork can be one of the funniest things in the series. By the way, it's good? I have never eaten PB&J together.

15- The music that accompanies the trip to the stones, a new variation of the original that we have heard since the end of chapter 1x16. I love this.

16- I'm afraid that the destination was not what was expected. Jemmy what have you done?

17- The last five minutes I could only say no no no no.

18- And the cross is burning, the call has been made.

Summarizing. Good chapter although I think too many points were touched, product of mixing season 5 with season 6. There have been memorable, fun and tender moments. Memorable for the way Ian has discovered the great secret of his uncles. Fun like the microscope, which has been left incomplete, but has been compensated with the sandwich. Tender have been all the scenes with Jemmy, the twins are adorable. I understand how difficult it has to be to work with such young children but the result has been very good.

And I leave Jamie's conversation with Brianna for last. Maybe too much William, but I also understand that Jamie does not stop talking about a son that he has known as a child but cannot claim. While his adult daughter has enjoyed it much longer and has had a much more sincere treatment than she has been able to have so far with him. And, finally, what we have all shouted is said directly: it was rape, it was coercion and it was not consensual sex.

A chapter. One. And the season is ending. Many questions, many theories, many comments on the way in which the event that readers know is created. With innuendo at risky stylistic creations.

We'll have to wait and see.

#Outlander #season 5 #5x11 #recap

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stempoison49 · 4 years ago

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mystech-master · 5 years ago

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Annon-Guy: What are you personal thoughts on Nu-13 and Lambda-11 In terms of gameplay and personality? You can talk about their character designs too id you want too.

Okay, I need to first summarize what I know of Nu and Lambda at the moment before I give my personal thoughts. A lot of shorthanding and maybe some errors may be involved so plz forgive me.

long post bellow, beware.

Nu-13 and Lambda-11 are both Prime Field Devices, artificial humans made for the purpose of exploring the boundary. Specifically, they are Murakumo Units: PFD’s outfitted with the Nox Nyctores Lux Sanctus: Murakumo as full-on weapons.

When Ragna’s siblings were captured, because of Saya’s innate gift with seithr, she was used as the basis for creating all of these Units. There are usually referred to as “clones” which means everyone treats them as either the same as Saya or also sisters, leading to a lot of incest jokes and rants in the fandom. More on this later but I feel like it has to be brought up.

we first meet Nu-13 as the final boss of the first game Calamity Trigger, where we learn that this is technically the 3rd time she and Ragna have met, since before this Ragna was blowing up NOL branches and cauldrons to stop more Murakumo Units from being made, as they are all just fake copies of his sister who was tortured for their creation.

Nu-13 has a full-on yandere crush on Ragna due to 2 factors I believe, 1. she is constantly viewing him through the lens of the fragment of Saya’s soul saying “Ragna is the big brother who loves me”, and 2. Ragna killing her again and again. This causes her to see Ragna killing her as loving her. Not helping is her being made in the Boundary which completely fucks up your mental state when near it.

At the end of almost every ending in CT, Nu defeats Ragna, skewering them both on her sword, they fall into the Cauldron and travel back in time 100 years to become the Black Beast that ravaged the world in the Dark War, creating a time loop. As when a Murakumo does an imperfect fusion with an Azure Grimoire (or at least a piece of the Azure) it becomes a Black Beast, with a perfect fusion resulting in a Kusanagi: the God Slayer (which is what Noel becomes and what the villains were trying to do to take down Amaterasu (the god of Blazblue world). Fitting as a Murakumo, with the Kusanagi being a super version of it, has a Nox capable of resisting Phenomenon Intervention, which is the Mater Unit’s main Power. So when they say God Slayer they do not mean gods in general they mean a SPECIFIC god. Just need to say that).

Anyways, Nu kills Ragna every now and again for like 725 loops before Noel steps in during the true ending and manages to grab Ragna before he and Nu fall into the Cauldron.

In Continuum Shift, the second game taking place right/ a week after the first game, Nu’s body is recovered from the bottom of the Cauldron (yes those things apparently have a bottom they aren’t just portals) by Sector Seven and Kokonoe proceeds to ake Nu’s soul and put it in the body of another Murakumo Unit, Lambda-11 to use as a puppet and fight for her. Her weapons are made of titanium alloy instead of Hihi'irokane (the mythical Japanese metal which is also in the Susano’o Unit and is also the name of a Soul cutting sword in Blazblue), and she is outfitted with an IDEA Engine, an improved version of the Artificial Causality Phenomenon Weapons: a scientific counterpart to the Nox Nyctores using Atomic Power rather than souls.

Lambda’s memories are still in there and she recalls the torture she had to endure by all the scientists creating her, which I assume all Murakumos underwent including Nu, so Kokonoe has to erase her memories to make her an effective tool, even if she regrets it.

They don't really explain where the soul starts and the mind/memories begin and vice versa though, this is another thing I will tackle later.

She sends out Lambda in the second game to do things, she like Tager for the most part just acts as Kokonoe’s proxy, until the climax of the true ending where Ragna is fighting Terumi at the top of the NOL branch. Just as Terumi is about to kill Ragna, Lambda takes a lethal blow for Ragna, and in her final moments, Nu’s soul comes to the surface and is glad she got to see Ragna again, him having recently gone through the character development of not seeing Murakumos as things but as people after interacting with Noel. As she dies and fades into sparkles, weird for a science thing, she grants Ragna her Idea Engine, giving him the power boost he needs to defeat Terumi and later save Noel who was smelted into the Kusanagi.

Now in the third game, because Ragna and Nu have a Life Link, which means one cannot die permanently without the other being killed in a short time frame, Nu is now able to come back as she couldn’t before with Kokonoe shoving her soul into Lambda. She mostly just acts as the villains' combat android until she copies Noel’s power to summon the Master Unit (as both are Saya fragments and also fragments of The Origin, the first PFD who made contact with the Master Unit and sort of.....became it?). Then in the climax, the villains summon Take-Mikazuchi, a giant titan satellite laser thing, and make Nu the core of it. Once the body is destroyed Ragna goes inside to deal with Nu. She proceeds with her usual shtick of telling Ragna they will “become one” and to kill her and all that, saying the backstory of pretty much every Murakumo about how she was made to be a weapon and how she was tortured and shit, this is also her saying Noel’s backstory since Noel ‘Observed” Nu as her which is SORT of true since they are both Saya but not really, it’s confusing as hell. But, basically, she is saying the shared Murakumo Backstory and Ragna sees this as her cries to be saved, while Nu, who only sees her and Ragna’s relationship as a mutually sadomasochistic one, goes bonkers and tries to kill Ragna, not out of yandere lust, but actual anger and hatred. Ragna wins and brings her out of Take-Mikazuchi, where Izanami takes control of her and makes her stab Ragna and he goes berserk and loses control of the Azure Grimoire.

the fourth game Central Fiction is a mess so I know the least here but from what I recall:

Nu is now growing to be her own person, she is less robotic but that means Yandere Ragna mode is on all the time. She is going around absorbing Nox Nyctores to get power so she can kill Ragna and do the merge. Near the climax, she is fighting Jubei and when she almost kills Tsubaki, Hakumen steps in and wrecks her shit. (In a previous time loop Tsubaki was killed by Nu b/c Noel didn’t exist and wasn’t Jin’s secretary instead of Tsubaki, so she went after Jin in the first game who was going after Ragna, she got caught in the crossfire, with Nu’s yandere mind hating any female in the same room as Ragna, and dies. Jin then falls into the cauldron after Ragna and Nu to become Hakumen during the Dark War. More time loop BS).

Meanwhile due to the Embryo, BS plot device, Lambda just.....comes back to life. Even though her soul was technically never a part of the story as it was NU’S soul in the body during CS. Anyways she is basically “good Nu” she is fighting the villains through sheer Power of Love and just wants to see Rgana again, she is pretty unimportant in the overall scheme of things.

After the world is remade Noel and Lambda move into the rebuilt church where Ragna and the siblings grew up and became nuns, looking after the comatose Nu who is kind of a vegetable with her sole reason for existing, Ragna, now no longer existing and all memory of him being erased.

Okay so after that lengthy summary, here are my thoughts.

1. the sister thing.

In spite of them being “clones” of Ragna’s little sister Saya, that hasn't stopped a shit load of ship teasing with the Murakumos by both the writers and the fandom.

Part of me thinks it’s because they go too far in the “They are their own unique people, they aren’t just fake copies of Saya” to which the fans mostly agree, but that just means while they aren’t Saya they are still related/connected to her. It isn't like Ragna can only have ONE sister.

Also, the reveal of Izanami being Saya at the end of CS also factors into this.

My only way to do mental gymnastics around this is saying that by “clone” they just mean copy/looks like her and has the same abilities, but genetically they are different.

I mean, we have no idea how Murakumos....work. They can't have any mechanical bits because we see them get zapped in-game and they have no metal, Noel CERTAINLY would've known she wasn't human if she didn't grow like a normal human or eat, sleep, produce waste, etc.

To me, Murakumos seem to be like software/computer programs given physical form via seithr. More like the Valentines in Guilty Gear, “robots” made up of information.

Plus, the story only ever points out the sibling connection with Ragna and Noel, and that’s in the LAST game and until then she’s just a stranger to him, with Lambda and Nu NEVER being treated the same.

And before anyone goes “BUT THE SCIENTIFIC DEFINITION OF CONE MEANS ‘HUR DE DUR, SAME DNA’ AND THEY USE THE WORD CLONE TO DESCRIBE THEM IN CANON! MEH!”, that could just be an over-simplification as to what they are, and I feel like a lot of series just rely on an oversimplification of terms. Like how Black Holes mostly work in fiction is NOT how they work IRL.

Now, does this mean I would’ve wanted Ragna to get with Noel or Lambda or Nu? Fuck no. I can appreciate cute little one-shots that have nothing to do with canon, but in terms of looking this train wreck of a story and trying to fix it they have other issues that make me not want to ship them.

I might go into why I wouldn't want Ragna x Noel in another post later, but I’ll stay on topic with Nu and Lambda.

Both are kind of boring

Lambda is basically Nu with less personality and is just a plot device for the most part.

As for Nu, even if you redeem her and keep her loving Ragna qualities without the yandere murder, it is still boring. because all her interests are Ragna she has nothing else going for her. Outside of the most generic romance shit what can you see Nu doing with him? it’s a bit upsetting because Nu seems like the type of person who’d have Ragna’s back and punch Jin in the dick if he insults or threatens Ragna, which is something I would LOVE in an S.O. for Ragna. But without her own interests and character, she is just......boring. And yeah you could theorize that she gains an interest outside of Ragna post-redemption but that is too broad of a statement that I can’t really do anything with it.

So frankly, even IF we ignore the sister thing or do weird mental gymnastics about it, Ragna/Nu and Lambda would just be BORING as they are in canon outside of the most generic BS.

2. The connection between Nu and Lambda

Really Lambda was just made to keep Nu’s gameplay in while killing her in canon, that is a dumb excuse.

Some people like to see Lambda s Nu but redeemed temporarily but then come to CP and it’s like none of the Lambda stuff mattered. You’d think that at least Ragna would use Lambda’s death as an ace for his argument on using the Azure Grimoire as when he wasn't able to use it he got his shit kicked in and someone had to DIE for him because of that. But NOPE.

Then she is revived for bullshit fanservice reasons in CP Extend and is barely a thing in Story Mode

A while ago I made a post showing 3 ways they could've gotten rid of Nu that would’ve made good character moments. I will be focusing on number 3 here: Have Nu and Lambda be the same person.

Instead of Lambda being brought back via Embryo Bullshit, have Nu and Lambda be a split personality deal. Like Nu is the CS Mu to Lambda’s Noel. Say during Ragna’s Arcade mode or Nu’s Arcade mode Nu slightly hesitates when about to kill Ragna, reality flickers a bit revealing Lambda’s color scheme on Nu, showing that Lambda is within her. Nu’s soul spending time in Lambda has given her an alternate identity.

This doesn't just have to affect just Ragna, maybe Lambda remembers that Kokonoe mind-wiped her and tried to make her into a puppet thus making her no better than the villains.

During the climax, instead of Nu’s yandere rage, we have that mixed in with Lambda’s hysterical cries begging for death due to the torture of Nu’s memories. Both side tr and kill Ragna out of rage or trying to force him to kill them in self-defense. Ragna, of course, doesn’t and saves them, thus allowing Nu-Lambda to be brought back to Kokonoe and redeemed.

Maybe her hair is a mix of Nu and Lambda’s making it a Platinum Blonde (making it a mixture of Nu’s white hair and Lambda’s blonde hair), and the tanner skin complexion and red eyes further separate her from Noel.

3. Story roles

The first two games are fine for the most part but I have some ideas for the last two.

For the 3rd game, an idea I had was instead of Nu being the one to summon the Master Unit via stealing Noel’s power, have Amane do something important in this game instead of having him chase Carl.

he is said the be the “Uzume” like the god who stripped and made Amaterasu come out of the cave after her sibling fallout with Susano’o. Simply have Amane be the “herald of Amaterasu”, possibly being a being similar to Terumi, a spirit of a god unit. maybe not AS powerful as the Sankishin, but just under. This means that Nine’s Hino Kagutsuchi would fall under this category as well. Or maybe he simply has a story connection with Noel in accepting the part of her connection to the Origin and the Azure or something.

To go off of the shipping thing above, maybe to at least use the Saya soul thing, she is struggling with her feelings towards Ragna because how much of these feelings are her own, and how many are born from an isolated sibling’s misplaced love? This is probably something a villain taunts her about

I kind of theorize that Saya’s fear of other people instilled in her during the siblings’ days as lab rats and Ragna protecting her made her develop an unhealthy sister crush on him, this, of course, isn't helped by the Origin (who she is based on) wanting Ragan to be her knight in shining armor.

Again, more on this later possibly.

Anyways, so Lambda can get her own feelings in order and prove that she isn’t just a copy of Saya or Noel, she tries to make her own identity. maybe cutting off that large Murakumo ponytail in the process, b.c that’s an Asian culture thing about cutting hair to symbolize the beginning of a new stage in her life. Maybe after forgiving Kokonoe, she joins Sector Seven not as a field agent like Tager, but as Kokonoe’s new assistant and friend, showing that she isn't going to be used as a tool or a weapon.

I still need to get on with drawing Lambda in a lab coat styled after her Murakumo cloak.

As for at least Nu’s connection with Ragna. It is weird because I generally either hate or have enormous contempt for almost everyone Ragna has interacted with for the pettiest reasons. For Nu, while she is crazy towards Ragna and tries to kill him, it's due to her own psychosis and insanity, which is partially Ragna’s fault. Everyone else who gives Ragna shit is either a villain (in which case it’s fine because it is a VILLAIN, which Nu sort of counts as), or an arrogant asshole who KNOWS what they are doing for the lols. So I SORT OF give Nu a semi-pass. But like I stated above I can’t see what she would be if she were redeemed, so I do feel like if she wasn't going to be used as a way to bring Lambda back, she should've been killed.

The point is, the Murakumos have a lot of potential for smaller things but they are incredibly mishandled in a lot of ways too, including showing up where they really shouldn't a lot of times. Shipping is okay so long as you are capable of doing mental gymnastics to ignore the sister shit, and don’t look at a whole lot of other issues.

These are just my thoughts and maybe I didn’t explain things enough, or I did it weirdly, or I have some different opinions, IDK. This series gives me a lot of feelings

#blazblue #nu-13 #lambda-11 #my thoughts #long post

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twilightacespect · 4 years ago

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im rewriting this post and summarizing it in bullet points b/c my computer crashed and deleted it

basically an update on my theory that we’re getting a “triandra and more” banner for november for our new heroes (my best guess is echoes more on that later)

when i first made this theory it was off the assumption that we were gonna get 2 sets of new heroes but then the calendar came out and revealed, for the first time ever that we were gonna get a new special heroes instead

so i kinda threw my theory away but seeing other things has made me bring it back with different/sorta the same evidence

things that i feel prove my theory that haven’t changed: the fact that the green pool for the legendary/mythic banners was switched around a lot between the hel & corrin banner (you can look here and here to get a visual but im gonna run down what i found interesting)

after the hel banner she was supposed to return in october with edelgard & thasir was gonna return in dec (note that all 3 had been in the same pool on her banner)

then after the corrin banner it was switched around so that hel would instead return in nov and thasir and edel were once again sharing green in oct

also want to note that lyn went from returning in nov to being bumped to jan -- lyn is known for being a pretty bad legendary so having hel take her spot makes nov’s green pool much more compelling to pull on

back to the “1 set of new heroes and a special heroes” point -- see i thought this made it harder to mean my theory was right but instead i feel like it proves it more

ok so for the fairies banners this is how we’ve gotten them:

peony and more was with thracia units and featured at the beginning of book 4 (literally was called book 4 begins iirc)

miri’s banner was with awakening and was called “book 4 midpoint”

thracia and awakening have pretty big gaps when it comes to popularity but both fall under the “not as many popular units left to put on as an anchor for the banner” which is probably why they were chosen to be the spots for the faeries

which brings me to echoes - there is a small pool to choose from, most of them are guys & theres already been a case of them putting in someone who could be said was filling in to entice ppl to pull (or make them more interested?) with catria on zofia’s call (im not saying she “stole” someone’s spot btw) -- which makes them getting the “triandra and more” treatment more plausible

ok tangent over “what does this mean in regards to new special heroes instead of new heroes”

if we had gotten 2 new heroes and one banner got the triandra treatment i feel like it would’ve caused outrage

some complaints i could see are: the triandra banner is better to spark on b/c mythic unit, triandra took the spot of someone else (give them the emmeryn treatment), this game got a whole banner dedicated to them and the other game’s units weren’t popular enough to have a banner for themselves

by instead of having specials instead we’re probably gonna get a couple alts and maybe another character stuck in seasonal alt hell & a new duo (makes it pretty nice to summon on right before the new banner with a possible sparkable mythic hmm nice bait)

my basic rundown on how the mythic banner next month is gonna go is:

colorless mythic (leif returns very early and shares with our newest legendary as of right now corrin

and triandra will fill in the 2nd green slot with hel and brave edel will join them - thus making colorless and green very nice pools

also i know i keep saying echoes for this but it could very possibly be bb or ss as well its just that echoes is basically next up for a banner in terms of how long its been

also also getting 3h instead kinda also lends crendence to this imo - they’re saving her for next month to celebrate the end of book 4 (if we get 13 chapters like we have been but again, things can change)

#uhhh this got way longer than i meant #and i basically rehashed a lot of what i already said #but here you go #im gonna come back to this once i get the nov calendar #and see the new bhb units #and also see where the new legendary pool ends up #rebekah rambles

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ashlip-arts · 5 years ago

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1. If waking up is the only thing you can do, worry not.

Do not feel sorry if you’re feeling lazy today or you don't feel like accomplishing anything, there’s still tomorrow. And in today's time, what matters more is you wake up because it's a sign that God has given you another shot in life. You have your own pace to do everything you need as long as there’s a goal in your mind.

2. People will come into your life unexpectedly.

Some people will drop by your life and will make a big impact on your life. They may be people who are strangers to you, but as the quarantine extends for a few more months, they become someone who'll make you smile. You shared the ups and downs of each other's lives, the incomparable laughter shared, and for once, once this is all over, you decided to meet up and that’s okay. Cherish the moments and experiences throughout your journey with every person because someday, in those ordinary days of your life, you'll remember the people who gave you so much lesson and made you grow as a person.

3. Personal health must come first before academics.

Never pressure yourself to complete your academic requirements. Education is important, but so does health, and whenever you feel like doing nothing and you’re feeling off, you can stop what you’re doing. I know time is very precious, but for once, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that it's okay to calm down and relax.

4. Your family will always be your strongest companions.

Nothing in the world can replace your family, even though sometimes it doesn’t have your best interest in mind. There will be times when you guys are untiringly arguing about the little things, but you have to believe that it’s normal for family members to argue sometimes. And trust me, that won't change the fact that they still want the best for you and will be supporting you no matter what. They still love you even though you're being too hard on yourself and you're having a hard time loving your entirety. Even though your family can hurt you in a way no one else can, but during struggles, you can always count on them to nourish you and bring out the best in you, again.

5. Give time to hone God-give talents.

We are all naturally gifted, and during this period in time, we should also give time to our skills because it’s a wonderful thing to do. Play musical instruments, cover a song, do some artworks, cook for yourself, and even for your loved ones, sing like there’s no tomorrow. You have all the time in the world to hone your skills and to perfect them. Stop comparing your talent to others, as we all have our unique aspects as a person. Never look for validation of others and let them tell you what they like and what they don't. What matters the most is you love what you're doing and you're giving your all to the passion of doing what you love to do. It will all be enough, just enjoy things and keep on getting better every day.

6. Pain might not what we want, but it is something we need.

Sometimes life gives you so much pain that you barely hold on and it makes you feel very vulnerable and there will be times that you just wish to end the void of losing someone, a friend, a relative, or maybe yourself. The time you feel that the entire world is on your shoulder, continuously crushing and pushing you to the edge of giving up. But dear, that madness, the pain, will only make you stronger than before, it will bring out a better version of yourself. It will teach you so much and you'll barely know it. Take a deep breath because every person has their struggles and everyone has their strategy to deal with it But dear,Rule of parallelismCrushing and pushing you to the edge— and so are you . Time passes by and the pain will eventually stop, so hold on. Life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey.

7. Time is a big factor in life.

Have the wounds healed and the scars of yesterday's struggles have now become unnoticeable? After the encounters of everything that broke you in the past, the people who hurt you and left a scar on you, suddenly you begin to see a better version of yourself and you feel so much better than before. Even though some scars are still visible, it's fine. Remember, warriors got wounded in battles. The scars will be reminders of his bravery and fortitude. Time may not undo the things that broke you, but it also reminds us to heal not for them, but ourselves.

8. Taking care of yourself must become your priority.

During this quarantine period, taking good care of yourself is a must. No one else can do the relaxing for you. Have fun with those little things you do in your bed at 3 in the morning, sing along while your favorite OPM song is playing, take your time in the shower, or maybe try cooking something you saw on the internet, or maybe your favorite dish. Enjoy being yourself at your home. But as much as there's leisure time, never forget to work out as exercising makes your body look better and will help your immune system to be stronger. Get enough sleep and always stay hydrated.

9. Prayer is powerful.

Filipinos are culturally religious and one part of that is praying. Filipinos are known to be prayer warriors. And during the hard times like this, we always come to Him, to lean on to Him and believe that He's in control of everything that's happening. Praying also is a way to communicate with Him, and talking to Him will give you a lighter heart, and the belief that you'll overcome everything will be existent. Individuals seek His guidance amidst the crisis, asking to save everyone who is infected, the medical experts, the victims, the Filipino people, the entire world. Maybe God is not answering right now, but believe that He, always, has a plan. Believe that He's in control of everything and things will get better in time.

10. Anxiety and crying are normal.

Everyone breaks down and cries, just for various reasons. But during this time, the anxious feeling and the urge to cry is common. It won’t make you less of a person if you cry. It’s alright to break down sometimes. It's not a sin to feel sad and feel like the world turned its back on you. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, it doesn't mean that you're weak. Crying won't make you less strong. Letting those tears fall down your face is helpful to ease the pain and the burden you're feeling because life may be unfair to you or your order online just got canceled. Always believe that it's fine to be sad. Sadness is temporary, it is a normal feeling. You may feel like you failed, but hey, you did not, you learned.

11. Boredom will never be an excuse to hurt yourself again.

We are in the quarantine period and of course, everyone is bored and so is your ex-lover. Just focus on yourself and think that he's part of the past now. Move forward in life and see the great things that lie ahead of you. As the famous quote says, "There's a lot of fish in the sea". And you don't have to worry about love. Love is everywhere, and love doesn't need to be a romantic kind of love. If a person cares about you and loves you for who you are, they will want you to grow, be successful, help you become a better version of yourself while you guys are making what you have grown. Know that in the end, the world will always find a way for you to meet the perfect person at the perfect time. Just trust God's timings. Breakups might be stressful and might damage you so much, but someone will come to help you always remember your worth.

12. Pessimism and stress must not be entertained.

Although life is full of drama, it will continue to happen and the only choice we have in life is to never stop living because we have only one life. We only have one precious chance to live our life to the fullest. And stress must nowhere to be found in that single opportunity. Enjoy every little thing you do and figure out the things you love the most. Always look at the positive side of life.

13. Love yourself more than you love anyone.

My mother always reminds me to not lower my standard to anyone, especially in love, because in this world, there this one person who will do everything to love you and while waiting, love yourself more, so that if that person comes, you know how to act maturely and how to reciprocate the love your partner will give you. Love your flaws and embrace your insecurities because thinking about them will just eat up too much of our time and will fill our minds with negative thoughts. But those things don't define us, it will never summarize our entirety. Instead, turn your weakness into a strength so that no one will use it against you.

14. The past doesn’t define who you are in the future.

Mistakes are lessons in life that will make you become a better person. If you’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past, it doesn’t make you less of a person. Although our past reminds us of who we were before and the people who we have been, use that to fuel you and prove that what you've done, doesn't count on what you'll become. You are the ruler of yourself, you are the vase of your garden, so take care of your flowers and let your flower blooms beautifully through positivity and love.

15. Your dreams are always reachable no matter what's going on.

Never give up on your dreams, It’s your ticket that will bring you to places, freeing you from the shackles of impossibility. Look at yourself in the mirror and let go of what's holding you back because you can reach for whatever you're looking up to. Never lose your ability to dream. Be like Peter Pan - he who never held back because your dreams can come true and life will be as colorful as Neverland.

16. Prevention is better than cure.

We often overlook the fact that we could have prevented this pandemic if we have taken necessary precautionary measures. If we help prevent something bad to happen, we won't be needing a lot of time to figure out how to solve things. But as much as we prevent these things from happening, there will be times that God will test us. It might not be what we want to happen, but His plans will always be better than ours.

17. We take a lot of things for granted.

The dusted books in your bookshelf are now being read. The clothes and the pajamas you haven't worn before are now covering your skin almost twice every week. Yes, we take a lot of things for granted. But as much as the personal stuff we have in the corners of our rooms, there are more out there that we often overlook but are now crucial in this period. What I'm talking about are our front liners. Those are the people in the groceries, the janitors, nurses and doctors, health workers. Admit it, at some point in our lives, we have taken them for granted, but this pandemic changed our perspective in what they can do. After this tough time, never forget to thank them and always value what they can do for others.

18. Home is and will always be the safest place on earth.

We often time hear the government says stay in our homes, to not go out if it is not essential. As much as we want to go outside, being behind closed doors will always be the best option. Our homes are the safest and best place. Home is our heart’s sanctuary, but also, it helps us grow and foster.

19. This pandemic brings out the best and the worst in all of us.

Some of us discovered how to cook, some of us got into better shape. Unfortunately, a lot of people lost their jobs and worse, someone might have lost a loved one due to COVID-19. In this trying time, let’s do our fair share to end this pandemic. This time made us find ourselves more, but let us not forget those who just lost a part of their life. This might be a tough time for us, but let us always remember to look at the silver linings in everything that's happening.

20. There's no problem that we cannot surpass.

No dilemma in life can stay forever in our lives. We are definitely in the toughest times of our lives, but let's keep on holding on and believe that this, too, shall pass. There's no mountain we cannot climb and there's more to life than being sad. Learn to believe that we can overcome what's happening and know that you are not alone in this battle. Your family, friends, and most especially, the Lord will never turn their backs on us. . Know that any problem that we encounter, we can always find a way to overcome it and it will help us have a better perspective in life.

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dear-wormwoods · 5 years ago

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--> Playlist: Eddie Kaspbrak Makes a Change <--

All of this new content inspired me to finish fine tuning the Eddie playlist that accompanies the Richie one I posted last week. I’m super excited about this one because it has some incredibly meaningful songs on it and Eddie is REALLY hard to make cohesive playlists for because he’s so complex. This is like, the 6th incarnation of ‘my Eddie playlist’, but it’s by far the most cohesive one.

So, as with the Richie one, this follows the plot of IT as is, except that Reddie happens. Which... may not be as canon divergent as we all thought, now! The narrative here follows Eddie’s attachment to Bill, realizing the truth about his mother, falling for Richie, moving and regressing into mom dependency and sedative abuse, then returning to Derry and ultimately dying in Richie’s arms.

Detailed explanations underneath. Spoiler alert: shit gets depressing.

1. Intro: Like I said in the Richie playlist, I like to start out with an instrumental that sets the right tone for the story that follows it. Intro has a really whimsical, dreamy vibe, which is how Eddie’s chapters always read, to me.

2. Like the Dawn: This song is... so Eddie. It represents Eddie meeting Bill, his idolization of him, and the feeling that Bill can give him the world and therefore his world depends on Bill. It contains a lot of biblical imagery, which I love when it comes to Eddie songs. Most meta lyric: “and you will surely be the death of me, but how could I have known?”

3. Futile Devices: This one is also about Bill, but at this point Eddie is trying to figure out what category his feelings for Bill fall under. He grapples with the idea of it being romantic, but ultimately he realizes it’s familial - brotherly/fatherly.

4. Glass Ceiling: This one represents Eddie’s gradual separation from his mother throughout his time with the Losers. At first it’s just, I only know what I’m told, I only do what I’m told. He says what Sonia tells him to say and acts the way she wants him to act. But as time goes on, he feels trapped and starts breaking out of this mold - and what’s more, he realizes this is something he has to do for himself, not something he will be saved from by a third party (no knight in silver armor shining). Most meta lyric: mention of losing an arm, rip.

5. Secrets and Lies: OOF. This song. This is after Eddie finds out about the placebos, when he’s in the hospital with his cast, channeling Maturin to fully and sternly stand up to his mother. At least for now, he knows exactly what she’s done and who she is, and he’s not going to take it anymore.

6. breathin: Self explanatory. Eddie has an anxiety disorder and the Losers help him deal with it and keep going, even while he’s freaking out. This song also signals the beginnings of a shift in how he feels about Richie, who is the most adept at distracting Eddie from his panic and getting him to just breathe. Most meta lyric: “How do I know if this shit's fabricated?”

7. Meet Me in the Woods: This one represents the sewers and the first battle with IT. “There ain't language for the things I've seen, and the truth is stranger than my own worst dreams.” There’s also a reference to Holy darkness, which connects Eddie’s experience with IT to his issues with religion and spirituality.

8. Cigarettes in the Theatre: After that summer is over and things go back to normal, Eddie and Richie’s relationship spends the next couple of years changing. This song mirrors ‘Rules Don’t Stop’ on Richie’s list. It’s that initial excitement of starting something new, a trip to the movies that doesn’t feel the same as it used to, and quiet conversations under the stars that one day just seem deeper. My favorite line is ‘tell me your favorite things’ because of how invested Eddie is in Richie’s interests in the novel.

9. Fire in My Bones: This song mirrors Richie’s ‘American Money’, but has a much more uncertain, anxious, Eddie feel to it. While Richie spends their brief teenage relationship thinking nothing can go wrong, Eddie is continuing to battle with his fear. Both songs are full of whimsical references to weather, geography, and open hearts, painting this exciting picture of that specific brand of young, idealistic love where it feels like the world is yours. Both songs also reference flying kites, which represent their newfound freedom to be open with each other. In Richie’s song American Money, the kite comes from Eddie (”you started flying a kite, at the end was the key to my heart”), who has always given him the freedom to be himself. However, for Eddie, the kite is waiting for him at the end of a tunnel - it exists in a bright light, representing the freedom Richie could give him, but the tunnel represents his mother, still attempting to close him off.

10. Don’t Forget About Me: Richie moves out of Derry before Eddie does. Although he swears they’ll get through the separation, Eddie isn’t so sure - after all, Bev left, and then Bill, and they hardly heard from either of them again. In this, he’s begging Richie not to forget him, not to leave him behind for good. We all know how that turned out.

11. Mother: Once Eddie is left with only his mother to turn to, and once his memories start to fade when they move to New York, he regresses quickly. This song represents Eddie’s repeated attempts to exist outside of Sonia’s security blanket and his repeated choice to return to her. He can depend on her to protect him, make him into what she thinks will be best, etc. There’s also some religious reference here, sort of implying that ‘Lord’ and ‘Mother’ are on equal footing - which, to Eddie, they always have been.

12. Numbers: Over time, Eddie grows more and more dependent on prescription pills to get him through life. At some point he has to turn into the guy at the beginning of the novel who has every sedative in the book in his medicine cabinet and actively muses on how great those highs are, so I imagine that habit would begin in his 20′s. During this time period, he’s also seeking out sexual relationships with men who he thinks will make him feel better, or feel something, but they never do. At this point he doesn’t realize how big the hole in his heart is because he doesn’t remember who Richie is.

13. Cough Syrup: As time goes on, Eddie starts feeling restless within this numb, sedentary, safe life he’s stuck in. He dreams of running away and doing what he actually desires, but he still stays put, and stays “sick”, because he’s always too afraid to take a chance.

14. Wake Up: He gets Mike’s phone call and starts to see things clearly again. Memories start to come back, he starts to open his eyes to what has become of his life, and how it didn’t have to be that way. This is Eddie figuratively throwing off the shackles and eagerly running back to Derry.

15. Home: Pretty much self explanatory. More so than most of the other Losers, besides maybe Bev, Eddie is the most eager to go back ‘home’, to his childhood friends, and the memories there.

16. Dear Wormwood: Ohhhh Dear Wormwood... my old friend. I’ll just summarize what I’ve said about this song before: this represents the moment when, as an adult down in the sewers, Eddie is able to overthrow his mother’s voice in his head for good. Now that he’s back in Derry and his memories have returned, he can see her for what she was, what she did to him and still continues doing to him even after her death. He understands her and pities her, but he’s not going to fall into that trap anymore. Her voice no longer matters. Most meta lyric: “I have always known you, you have always been there in my mind... But now I understand you, and I will not be part of your designs.”

17. Blur: Okay so THIS song is literally about IT and literally about Eddie. At first it talks about IT coming back, and then ends with the iconic ‘we all float down here’, but this is the verse that matters: “My throat's cracked and beaten, my back's whipped and torn. The glasses you once wore won't have a use anymore. Where do we go? What will we eat? The only promise I can keep is the one where I say ‘I'll meet you again’, reborn from the sand. The glasses you once wore don't have a use anymore.” So breaking this down, the first part refers to Eddie’s anxiety, his throat tightening. The ‘my back’s whipped and torn’ is a reference to when they fought IT as kids and he was attacked by Mike’s bird (when IT was targeting Eddie for beating the crawling eye for Richie) - his shirt and back were torn by its claws. Then obviously the glasses part is a reference to Richie, now an adult, having switched to contacts. Then the ‘promise’ he can keep is a reference to his own death. All he can do is promise to meet Richie again in the afterlife, or in the next life.

18. The River: This one is like, the beginning of Eddie’s death scene, when Richie stumbles to him. Eddie’s encouraging him to let his emotions out instead of bottling them up, because he knows that’s Richie’s coping mechanism and he knows how unhealthy it is. He wants to make sure Richie is going to be okay, and continue to be himself after this.

19. Yes I’m Changing: FUCK. THIS SONG IS MY FAVORITE, IT’S SO FUCKING TRAGIC IN THIS CONTEXT AND I LIVE FOR THIS SHIT. Okay so this song is like, technically about a break up - whatever. It fits so much better as a death song. Specifically Eddie’s death song. This song fully represents his moment of self acceptance at the very end, and how at peace he felt as he died. The saddest yet most graceful death ever.

“I felt the strangest emotion but it wasn't hate, for once” - a glorious representation of Eddie feeling okay with himself for the first time in his known memory.

“There's no future left for you and me. I was holding and I was searching endlessly, but baby, now there's nothing left that I can do, so don't be blue. There is another future waiting there for you.” - He needs Richie to accept that this is it, but he shouldn’t be sad, because Eddie is okay with it and knows Richie will lead a full life after this is over.

“Yes I'm changing, can't stop it now, and even if I wanted I wouldn't know how. Another version of myself I think I found, at last.” - He’s changing in death to this cleansed, spiritually light version of himself he’d like to preach upon if he could. He’s been so miserable for basically his entire life, and dying isn’t so bad.

Repeating that the world is calling Richie’s name, as in he needs Richie to go on without him and not get stuck on this grief. “Arise and walk, come through. A world beyond that door is calling out for you.” - I love this outro especially because in this context, it acts as a reference to the door to ITs lair. There is a world outside of this place and that’s where Richie needs to be, he can’t stay here.

20. The Trapeze Swinger: Okay. :) I don’t even know where to begin. This song has everything, it’s full of childhood references, biblical imagery, and visuals that inexplicably connect to even the most obscure parts of Eddie’s character. Plus the added layer of irony that he’s begging to be remembered in the afterlife, while Richie is desperate to forget, which makes it extra tragic. I’ve wanted to write a full meta about this song in particular for a very long time, but I’ll settle for a breakdown of some of the lyrics:

“Please, remember me, happily, by the rosebush laughing. with bruises on my chin” - Refers to the rosebushes by the house on Neibolt street where Eddie got entangled escaping from the leper, as well as his tendency to find humor and excitement in pain.

“Someone caught us in the kitchen with maps, a mountain range, a piggy bank, a vision too removed to mention” - Refers to Eddie’s constant daydreaming about running away, his navigational skills, and the fear and guilt he feels whenever he let himself think about doing this.

“The pearly gates had some eloquent graffiti, like 'We'll meet again', and 'Fuck the man', and 'Tell my mother not to worry'” - Refers to eventually reuniting with the Losers, his desire to rebel, and his continuous habit of putting his mother’s feelings and needs above his own as a child.

“And when the morning came, I was ashamed, only now it seems so silly.” - Refers to the shame he felt about his sexuality throughout his life, and then the clarity and acceptance he felt as he died.

“And now you're lit up by the city, so please, remember me, mistakenly, in the window of the tallest tower.” - Refers to Richie now living in the city, and hoping he will remember him sometimes as life goes on, even by accident. Also lowkey refers to Bev seeing his ghost in their window reflection along with Stan’s.

“Just like the gates around the holy kingdom, with words like 'Lost and Found' and 'Don't Look Down', and 'Someone Save Temptation'” - Refers to his lifelong fear of being locked out of heaven. The phrases each refer to losing/finding the Losers, facing his fears, and accepting his “temptation” (aka his sexuality).

“Please, remember me, as in the dream we had as rug-burned babies among the fallen trees.” - Refers to exchanging secret goals and aspirations with Richie as kids while playing in the Barrens. He wants Richie to remember that.

“A fleeting chance to see a trapeze swing as high as any savior.” - Throughout this song, the trapeze swinger symbolizes love/relationships. Richie and Eddie’s window of opportunity to be together was fleeting, but it was more meaningful than anything else they’d experienced.

“Please, remember me, my misery, and how it lost me all I wanted.” - Eddie spent his life being scared and stagnant, always miserable but never having the guts to change his situation on his own, which ultimately cost him a fulfilling life. He wants Richie to remember that and avoid making the same mistake.

“... and chasing trains, the colored birds above there, running in circles ‘round the well...” - Refers to Eddie’s obsession with traintracks and freedom, the birds he watched fly away from Derry that brought tears to his eyes, and the cyclical nature of his life that he could never escape.

“You turn from me and said 'The trapeze act was wonderful, but never meant to last.'” - Again, the trapeze act symbolizes love/the relationship. Richie and Eddie’s time together was limited and exciting, but couldn’t last forever due to the circumstances of their lives.

“The clown that passed saw me just come up with anger.” - lmao I can’t even deal with this line. Self explanatory. IT is what tore them apart, both times.

“Please, remember me, finally, and all my uphill clawing.” - He doesn’t want to be remembered for his previous failure, but for his determination and how he ultimately overcame the things that were holding him back.

“My dear, but if I make the pearly gates, I’ll do my best to make a drawing of God and Lucifer, a boy and girl, an angel kissing on a sinner, a monkey and a man, a marching band... all around the frightened trapeze swingers.” - Eddie never thought he would go to heaven or ‘make the pearly gates’, but in his dying moments he finally feels like it’s possible. If he gets there, he’s going to preserve the memory of the Losers and their experience in the afterlife (the ‘drawing’). God and Lucifer represent Maturin and IT, the boy and girl represent Ben and Beverly, the angel kissing on a sinner represents he and Richie (who is who? Eddie would say he’s the sinner, but Richie would say the opposite). The monkey and the man refer to ITs timelessness - that the entity was here long before the evolution of man and witnessed all of human history unfold - it’s also a reference to Mike and Richie’s experience in the smokehouse. The marching band refers to the Losers as a group, working together as a unit. The frightened trapeze swingers again symbolize the relationships, how scary and thrilling love is, and that “love and desire” are stronger forces than memory.

YIKES that was so much. I expect virtually no one to read all that, but I hope y’all enjoy the playlist!

#stephen king's IT #eddie kaspbrak #reddie #my playlists #it meta #my meta #music #meta #eddie spaghet tea #my shit #eddiecore #it hcs #top tier #reddiecore

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sweetoothsuggestions · 5 years ago

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Self Harm and Recovery

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Read With Caution

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Hello all, this is a post I wrote two years ago on amino and I wanted to put it onto this platform as well. I wanted to create a post on mental health, self harm specifically. It’s a difficult topic, but I feel it’s important to address and provide resources for those in the community.

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Please keep in mind this blog will not include everything, and it is important to seek professional guidance.

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Table of Contents

If header is marked with ‼️it is a warning for possible triggering content

1 • What is self harm / Spotting it‼️

2 • Coping Mechanisms

3 • Accepting Help

4 • Resources (apps, helplines, websites)

5 • What to do if a family member, friend, or classmate is struggling

6 • Glorification and Romanticism‼️

7 • Recovery and Relapses

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[[MORE]]

‼️1 • WHAT IS SELF HARM?‼️

If you’re currently dealing with self harm, I recommend skipping this header. This section will be discussing different forms self harm can take.

When an individual deliberately hurts themselves physically, this is self harm. It is considered a result of poor coping mechanisms when dealing with emotional or physical distress. It is important to acknowledge that self harm isn’t always the result of societal factors, and is often internal. Regardless of how self injury is influenced, it is a serious issue and important to address.

• Cutting

(Click title for more info) There are different methods of self harm, however the most common form is referred to as cutting. This is typically when an individual takes a razor or sharp object and damages their body. Most self harmers who cut, make slits on their wrists, thighs, stomach, or chest. This form of self injury is typically the quickest to escalate, as one gets more comfortable with this practice they will often begin going deeper and cutting more frequently.

• Burning

Another common form of self harm is burning, done in various ways. A burn mark can often be swollen and filled with pus, or more discreet and appear as a reddish brown patch of skin. With darker skin tones a burn can appear lighter or more faded as well. It’s important to realize that not every burn is self harm, most self harm burns are on the hand or leg.

• Bruising

When bruising, an individual will hit objects against parts of their body. This creates bumps and dark circles where created. This is typically done on the hands or leg.

• EDs

ED is an abbreviation for eating disorder also known as anorexia, while typically placed in a separate category of mental health, also relates back to self harm. However, EDs are very different than typical self Injury and really deserve a separate explanation, I will be briefly covering it as I did the other methods as it is important to acknowledge.

Like all forms of self harm, EDs aren’t always apparent. They consist of an individual struggling with body image (or dysmorphia) who take drastic measures to lower their weight. This includes forcing themselves to throw up (Bulimia), constricting calories, and skipping meals. This regularly hospitalizes those with anorexia and stands as one of the most difficult recoveries.

There are many other ways someone will self injure, these are solely the common ones. Other forms include:

• Hair Pulling

• Biting (Forum Discussion)

• Skin Picking

• Piercing

Okay, so that’s all that. I know it’s hard to read these things (as to why there are the tws) but I honestly think it’s really important people are aware of this. A lot of signs go unnoticed, and with self injury it’s especially important to catch early on.

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2 • COPING MECHANISMS AND ALTERNATIVES TO SELF HARM

There are many different coping mechanisms opposed to self harm, below are several common ones. Keep in mind these are not a substitute for seeking treatment, it is still crucial to seek professional help.

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Take a long shower or bath to relax and calm down

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Wash the Dishes / Cleaning and Keeping yourself preoccupied

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Create a playlist or mixtape of your favorite songs

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Drawing and Painting

(Or) on your skin (using a marker or pen with a blunt tip) or on paper to get feelings out peacefully

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Write about how you feel

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Take a run or move around

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Text or call someone you love

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20 minutes rule

“My therapist recently told me about this one. She said that when I'm feeling an urge to cut, if I can wait 20 minutes the urge will lessen and eventually pass. I can distract myself by making something to eat, taking a shower, or watching some TV. If you can make it through those 20 minutes, you'll be okay.”

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Run your hands under cold water

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Stress balls, occupying your hands

Here are some self harm alternatives online, you can also make your own list of what works for you

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3 • ACCEPTING HELP

Accepting that you need a change can be one of the hardest realizations to face. Self harm is not something you go at alone, it’s crucial to reach out. Wether this be to a family member, teacher, counselor, or friend you need to tell someone.

It’s scary, and by no means is easy. A lot of people don’t know how to tell someone, or you’re afraid of burdening them. But you are in no way a burden, getting help and gaining support is the best thing you can do for yourself. Regardless if you think that your harm is too minuscule to do any actual damage, it isn’t something you can control. Like stated earlier, self harm escalates and becomes dangerous even if you don’t want it to.

If you’re scared to tell someone directly, send them a message. Text or written, do whatever you can to let someone know what’s going on. If you suspect someone in your life is harming themselves, speak up and let an adult know. If you are an adult, let them know you’re there for them and help them find professional advise.

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4 • RESOURCES

APPS, WEBSITES, HELPLINES

Apps:

• Calm Harm

This app is password protected and provides activities and timers to prevent self destructive urges. It gives options of customization and allows you to change the app to your liking.

• Self Heal

This app provides a series of coping mechanisms for you to use, along with this gives anonymous support features and calming images.

• My Shiny Thing

This app was created in order to distract or take your mind off of self harm. A new installment brings up various YouTube videos and articles to take your mind off urges.

Websites:

• SIOU Outreach

This website allows you to share your stories, listen to others, and provides coping mechanisms as well as how to help. SIOU Works to support those who lack personal care and provide resources to struggling family members.

• The Trevor Project

The Trevor Project website, also using a help line (listed below) specializes in self harm and support. The website contains an FAQ, resources, and takes awareness to those in need of support.

• Self Injury Foundation

The SIF is a volunteer based community, that provides and structures research on self harm and education.

• Self injury - Cornell

The Self injury recovery, research, and resources center at Cornell focuses on adolescents and young adults who deal with self harm.

Helplines:

National Suicide Prevention Line

1-800-273-8255

Suicide Text Line

Text HOME to 741741

24 Hour Crisis Hotline

1-800-273-TALK

Self Injury Foundations National Hotline

1-800-334-HELP

Help for Teens

1-877-332-7333

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5 • WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO HELP

• Classmate

If you think/know a classmate is self harming, tell a teacher or your counselor (or any trusted adult). It’s always good to provide support, but remember that SH is personal and often times difficult to talk about. Be sensitive and caring, don’t belittle their issues or act as if their feelings are invalid.

A question you’ll want to ask is why, but a lot of times they won’t know. It’s important to respect that, and understand that there aren’t always external reasons.

• Adult

While self harm is predominantly seen in teenagers and youth, adults can self harm too. Adults are not classmates, tell another teacher and avoid confrontation directly. This isn’t a very common thing, but regardless is important to realize that everyone may need support at one time or another.

• Family Member

Similar to the classmate scenario, tell a trusted adult in your family (older sibling, aunt, uncle etc...) it’s also important to reach out and let them know you’re there for them. Again, don’t expect someone to automatically open up to you, respect boundaries.

! TELL SOMEONE !

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‼️6 • GLORIFICATION AND ROMANTICISM‼️

Self harm is not pretty, or your aesthetic. This ideal is dangerous and unhealthy, spreading the message that self injury is pretty or elegant.

An example of romanticism and glorification would be describing scars or injuries as something symbolic or more than they are. Molding self harm into something poetic or beautiful is once again the opposite of what it really is.

An extremely common form of this is when someone will take a black and white image of cuts with a weird quote next to it. This can also be seen in the media and cinematographic structures, 13 reasons why being a good example in this case.

Long story short, any piece conveying self harm as anything but emotional distress is glorification.

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7 • RECOVERY AND RELAPSES

Recovery is a process, it’s filled with difficulties and fall backs but it’s also about moving foreword. What matters is that you’re trying, and receiving help.

A relapse is when someone stops self harm for an extended period of time, and then returns back to it. The longer you can stay away from this the better, and eventually the urges leave fully.

Progress isn’t black and white, a relapse doesn’t mean you’re failing it means there’s still more to do and that’s okay. To summarize this section:

Do’s and don’ts of recovery (WORK IN PROGRESS) Don’t:

• view images of self harm in the media, avoid anything that may trigger you

• go near what you use

Do:

• Talk to someone about it

• Get rid of objects you use to harm yourself

• If you have a ritual that leads up to sh, break your schedule and try something different.

• restructure negative thoughts, instead of thinking about what you think you did wrong, think about steps for improvement.

• use alternatives to self harm

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Tending to self harm wounds

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That’s all I have for this blog, again I’m not an expert and a lot of this is based off personal experiences. I can’t stress enough how important it is to tell someone, no matter how scared you are push through.

My dms are always open if you’d like to talk or have any questions. If you think I wrote anything inaccurately or you have something to add please message me or comment.

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#mental health #recovery #positivity post #positivity #suggestions #long post #self harm

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