#also kinda depressed and angry at everything but that's another thing

[xitsensunmoon]

Can I get a normal brain please this one is malfunctioning

[heavenlymorals]

Arthur Morgan's Depression

(Warning: Spoilers for RDR2 and mental health issues)

Arthur Morgan is depressed. Yes, I know the writers haven't exactly come out and said that he is depressed, but it does not take a genius to see that Arthur Morgan is a man who deals with many demons and monsters. Arthur Morgan has some sort of functional depression, and it is shown in many ways. In many missions, he seems downtrodden and sad, but he goes along with it anyway because what else can you do? He talks about himself in such a degrading manner in the mirror, and not just in a way that we all do sometimes, but in a way that invokes actual hatred of himself.

He thinks he's ugly when he's a conventionally attractive man. He thinks he's dumb when he's very witty and smart. He gets knocked down for his intelligence a lot by both Dutch and Hosea (we, as a fandom, need to stop pretending that Hosea is perfect because he really isn't). I know that dudes generally joke like that a lot, but those two aren't his “friends”; they are quite literally his father figures. It's different. His journal is filled with self-doubt, pain, and a general apathetic outlook on life.

But as I was playing “A Quiet Time,” one interaction between Lenny and Arthur stood out to me.

“Why ain't you never married?”

“'Cause no one will have me.”

In the context of this mission, I think this was written as an “oh damn” kinda joke, something out of left field to make the player laugh. But after thinking about it more, I realized something.

If you guys follow my posts, then you probably know that I love to interpret things from a sociocultural perspective—so let's do that.

Now, this is an obvious reference to Mary and how she rejected him in the end for Barry Linton to keep her family satisfied. It might also allude to Eliza or other female love interests that Arthur might've had at some point.

But it may also be a nod to the culture of 19th century America and what it entailed for men.

Arthur isn't married at 36 years old. Men were expected to be married generally by their twenties. He has no children or legacy—the only one he did have died years ago. He doesn't have property or a home—he's always on the move with the gang (given how defensive he got with that woman he picks up to go to Lagras, it's probably a point of insecurity). He has no respectable profession—he should've had an honest career by now.

He hopes that Dutch will get his shit together and have them put their outlaw ways behind them, but Dutch literally cannot, and Arthur is the one feeling the burn for it. He has missed so many milestones that he “should've” reached by this point, yet he is still doing the same thing he was doing since he was a young teen.

He can't bring himself to leave Dutch either, as he feels like he has a debt to pay to the man (“I gotta try! I owe him that, at least.”) that can never be paid.

And that has to fucking hurt. You already hate yourself on the outside by thinking you're hideous. You hate yourself on the inside because you think you're dumb. You feel unaccomplished, like a damn loser. And on top of all of that? You can't bring yourself to let go of all the factors that make you feel that way because “they're family” and “they need you.”

You're trapped, and everything feels awful. I'd be depressed too.

It might also be another reason why Arthur is jealous and angry at John. He has a wife, he has a child, he doesn't feel particularly obligated to the gang (hence leaving for a year), he has a chance to do better, and he just doesn't care. He's reached so many milestones that Arthur misses not because he wants them, but out of pure luck, and I'm sure Arthur feels bitter about it.

It's just sad, man.

[wafflesandd1ck]

Okay, so can we all agree that the episode "How Long Is Forever?" of Teen Titans is one of the best of the series, even though the ending is kinda dark?

In the timeline without starfire:

Cyborg becomes obsolete. He burnt out his last power cell during the battle with warp and becomes permanently bound to the tower in order to keep his cybernetic body functional. Essentially being a hermit for 20 years.

Beastboy tries to be a solo hero and gets his butt kicked A LOT. Becoming the laughing stock of jump city. He then joins the circus, trying to find some kind of positive to his powers.

Raven, either willingly or by force, goes to an insane asylum, and for years, we can assume that's where she stays. Her mind becomes lost. She's hallucinating and talks herself through her mental state. We find out through her dialog that she has hallucinations of starfire or her friends very frequently. "It's just another figment. Don't even look. " she feels safe in the asylum because the building is run down and decaying. Her room is coated in thick white energy. Raven is wearing her white cloak, signifying that she has also reached her power limit.

It's always been my headcanon that she went insane trying to find where starfire went, but she was outside of the timeline. Raven, being an empath, could feel that starfire wasn't dead. Just gone. I think the false hope of "one day, any day. Maybe today, starfire will come home." Is the exact mentality that drove Raven insane. Like a beep, you can faintly hear but can't see or figure out where it's coming from.

And finally, nightwing..dude basically becomes batman. Through the dialog with future cyborg, it's implied that nightwing left the team not long after starfire disappeared.

I don't think Robin became obsessed like Raven did. I think Robin tried to rush his grieving process. Tried to get back to "work as usual," but EVERYTHING made him angry. I think he transformed every ounce of his pain and depression into being ANGRY. I think he started taking things too far with criminals, and either he got kicked from the team in an argument, or they argued because he wanted to quit willingly and go solo. Staying in the tower and with these friends that he..that she loved. Walking past her empty bedroom every day. not hearing her cheery voice every morning. It was too much.

Anyway I give a little recap BECAUSE. I was rereading the teen titans. Go! Comics and in issue 31, we actually get to see future nightwing again.

It's really cute. Anyway, warp has messed with Robin's timeline and basically steps in after Robin's parents died and becomes his new mentor, but he's being trained to use his nepotism for evil.

It's a really good comic, and the open flirting between starfire and nightwing is really cute. Think sophomore lightly flirting with senior crush.

I'm not complaining. This entire mini arc thing was GREAT. My only issue though..

DID STARFIRE COME BACK IN THE FUTURE TIMELINE????

IS RAVEN STILL NUTS??

IS BEASTBOY STILL MORBIDLY DEPRESSED AND WORKING AT THE CIRCUS?

IS CYBORG STILL A FORCED HERMIT??

Give me one. Just one scene of future night wing going back to his timeline, walking right into future Titans tower. You don't even have to show the team. Show ravens tea cup on the counter. Show beastboys video games splayed across the living room. Show a fully charged portable power cell on the kitchen table!

Show nightwing walking out of the portal and directly into the living room in the middle of the night, with starfire asleep on the couch, waiting for him to come home from patrols.

Bonus points! Have nightwing take his gloves off. He gently moves starfires hair out of her face, and we see a wedding ring!

I was so hoping that for the 20th anniversary of Teen Titans, we would get SOMETHING to close at least THIS plotline.

[yooniesim]

ok unfortunately for yall the dash made me have a thought so now I gotta ramble lol

but ya know. maybe it's bc I've had so much time away from here and all the bitching (/affectionate) but over the past couple years, I get less angry about this shit and more solution-minded. and I don't mean for the community as a whole (that's impossible lol) but in a sort of... personal circle/responsibility type of way. like what we can do among ourselves without the confrontation aspect bc, just being honest- from my perspective & experience, the anger and the bitching doesn't really accomplish shit. not to say it ain't justified, & it's important to raise awareness for sure, but i swear me & a lot of others that have been talking about this for a long time have just been barking in circles without anything budging one way or another. which leads to burnout/emotional exhaustion not just for the ppl in question but for followers/mutuals/friends. I spent far too long and waaaay too much mental energy thinking that being the loudest and the boldest would get something to change. but the scammers keep scamming and the shit just keeps going. and sure it's fun as hell to shoot the shit and pick and bitch and laugh with your mutuals. baby yall know I love a good simblr circlejerk. but ya know, when you sit down and think about it it's a lil depressing. and the ppl you're talking to/around are already Aware and eventually the anger wears off and they're just tired of hearing about it. you're preaching to the choir and everyone is just pissed and tired with no clear goal to work towards.

Part of that exhaustion is why i made @alwaysfreecc as a positive way to boost always free creators, without focusing on the paywallers. as well as always supporting alternate ways of getting paywalled cc. but I think it takes a lil more than just that. I think, like the post I just reblogged was saying, people need to learn how to make their own content too. I know there's a learning curve, but so many things paywallers make are outright easy to do yourself. Some aren't- there are paywall creators that put great effort into their content and make it worth your money- but a lot of them are. And that isn't to say you should make everything yourself, there's nothing wrong with supporting creators that make content you find interesting or wouldn't want to do yourself, but it can be really rewarding to learn how to make simple edits and recolors on your own. And, image editing and 3d modeling skills can also benefit you elsewhere in life! Whether professionally or when modding other games. Knowing how to make cc in sims helped me figure out how to make certain things for skyrim and fallout, for example. Hell, it's just plain FUN to figure out and do, and I think the community could always use more of that.

Also, sometimes it's freeing to just, stop using certain creators' content. Like, i used to be bitching yet downloading stuff off dhm and shit, out of spite mostly cos half the stuff I didn't even like. But since I cleared out a lot of paywallers' stuff, besides a few I think are worth it/doing things honestly, it just feels better. I don't even think about those mfs anymore until I see something about them on my dash and then I can barely remember who they are lol. You don't realize how much you really don't NEED any of that shit & how you were kinda just downloading it to be downloading it, until you toss it. AND it feels great to have mostly always free creators' content & support them. Liiike i feel proud of ppl i saw get started and are STILL FREE and making awesome stuff, it's exciting! even when I'm not playing the game, I see their posts and be like "dang I need to grab that when I update" or "man they've gotten so much better in so little time" or "wow I never thought of that idea/seen that before". Bc always free peeps get to be so damn creative bc they don't have deadlines or turning off their paying audience to worry about. Like it's so cool and positive and I love that.

idk, just. based on what I've experienced here, i feel like it's kinda time to focus less on what the assholes are doing now (aka the same exact thing they've been doing for years) and more on what to do to make our own personal experiences better. which I know a lot of us are doing! I just wish I personally had done it earlier lol so maybe someone else needs to hear that too. like toss these dummies to the curb and replace them is what I'm sayin. If not in the whole community but just your personal circle. raise awareness as needed sure but don't let em take any more of your energy. cos if you are petty like me (😂) it'll hurt em way more to cast em out than yell at em. all the ppl that have bitched at me yet still have my cc in their folders come to mind lmfao, cos personally that gives me more satisfaction than anything else so I know it's probably the same for the scammers! Like a "you hate me but you can't bear to not use my shit huh 😏" type of deal. Don't give em that sick pleasure! (/projecting) Just focus on you and yours and make some sick ass content for yourself, then share it to me thx 💅

[yingyoyingsh]

Since poolverine has been getting everywhere it made get biggy brainrot and me thinking abt analysis on how Wade and Logan work so well but are SO SO UNHEALTHILY mentally ill they need therapy and I mean actual therapy

More on below

Tw: sensitive topic

It's just so funny and depressing

How they're literally two people that have similar circumstances and a similar curse as well. Like if we somehow remove all the comedy and hit soundtrack from deadpool movies. He literally attempted sewerslide on screen????????????,,,,,,,,,?????? Like?????????? How is no one talking about how seriously effed up that is to make this a joke but wade does the walk the talk thing?????????????

Logan man ✋😩 Im not. He literally fits the candidate for idc I'm throwing my life away like while wade deals with the shiz with unhealthy humor he just gets angry. He literally is a good example of those people who could die off in a ditch if he didn't have super healing.

Like I guess that's common with anyone who's found some kind of relief with substance abuse in general 😭 but he just deals with everything by getting mad angry and telling everyone to fuck off like a rabid animal. And he has superhuman strength.

So now comes my point if they end up together it becomes a cycle of "I can make him worse" with the "your freak matches my freak"

Since wade is so graciously taking everything as a joke (even with dangerous injuries) and Logan (in the back of his head) has problems with substance abuse (and literally not even kidding how bad this is actually because of u stop joking abt substance abuse there's a reason why he should probably attend those alcoholic support groups)

Like where does the line end at "too much" bruh.

So one needs to make a fic about them working through this kinda shiz like maaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 👁️👁️ they live together so they'll eventually have to talk about the big elephant in the room. Like god Al just has to sit through 5 seasons of this before they get actual therapy.

Like think about it

If they were regular ppl they would've been admitted in the ward and classified as criminally insane 😩 man they're just little freaks I love them

Good thing they're not regular ppl. But lbr would Logan go back to being "The wolverine" the movie didn't adress that hidden dark asf secret wel nor resolved it. Dp3 didn't also do much for Wade's insecurity to "good enough" for people to notice him nor his sewerslide joke tendencie. Logan also mentioned he didn't feel like he was good enough for the SUIT. Like man insecurities after one another. Like bro someone needs to.help them

Like man 👁️👁️god they're such a perfect match of fucked up. Like PLEASE. I NEED them helping each other. With both of their issues.

[yuriisclumsy]

𝐀𝐫𝐜 𝐕 — 𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒐𝒏 𝑭𝒐𝒍𝒌, 𝑪𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒔 𝑫𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆, 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑨𝒄𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒚 𝑺𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔

𝐀𝐫𝐜 𝐈𝐕 | 𝐀𝐫𝐜 𝐕 (you are here) | 𝐀𝐫𝐜 𝐕𝐈

Authors note: Hi. Tis I, your author. I have been writing nonstop for the last few days, and I have things planned out for a couple weeks. BTW, I'm planning on writing for my novel, and other projects not involving fanfiction. Wish me luck! PS. I kinda lied. I have another fanfiction I'm working on, that I won't post until I have at least 15 chapters in.

The Common Folk

–As stated in previous Arcs, the residents of the Divine City are generally of good nature, with the giving out of food to the Up-holders, to community service. They like to reciprocate what they receive. Do them good, and you’ll receive twice the good you gave back.

╰Of course, there are exceptions–those being of the people that live in the upper section; there are bound to be bad apples no matter where you go. It can’t be helped.

–One thing the people are invested in: is quality. This applies to everything; from products, to services, heck, even when talking to people. They want to leave the best impressions they can muster.

╰Expect to be overwhelmed the first time you speak with a local when arriving in the city.

–Contrary to common belief, politics play an important role for every adult within the city. There are elections, law voting, regular committees, and so-forth. Your average Democratic nation–or as democratic as the monarchy allows it to be.

╰It appears that middle aged men are prone to drag youngsters to their side and explain why they voted for a certain individual. It is advised to avoid such conversations, unless you yourself enjoy it. You have been warned.

Class Difference

–Because of the difference of where you can live in the city, there is resentment in the hearts of many who live in the middle and outer sections.

–Many of the residents of the core section have developed a superiority complex. Given that they are allowed to live there, merely because of the fact they were blessed by the gods, gives them pride and honor, not wishing to mingle with those they deem inferior.

╰Do not tell a soul I said this, but…if a child from a family from the middle or outer sections was accepted into an Elite Academy, they would be the center of hate and be chastised by those core pigs.

Academy Students

–Academy students usually spend their days studying their depression and sleep deprivation away. Often finding them congregated in libraries or search facilities by the masses.

–They are tough cookies, and extremely professional when talked to. But they are just kids, they enjoy playing games, making pranks, and – most importantly – taking naps.

╰Students say the best places to sleep are under trees, the beach, and in the rooftops…though, that seems to be influence of a certain roof-sleeper we know.

–Out of all the academies, Tridalia Academy has it the hardest. Why? Because, not only do they have to study law, psychology, and communications, they also have to study martial arts and weaponry.

╰Yikes for all those trying to be Upholders. They have my respect.

…: ≧◉ᴥ◉≦

???: *Sight…*

???: What is it, child?

…: (ง︡'-'︠)ง

???: You…what?

???: You want to fight a powerful villain?

???: Why, in heaven's name, would you do that?

…: ٩(˘◡˘)۶

???: For fame?

…: (ㆆ_ㆆ)

???: Oh.

???: You want to be strong enough to protect me?

…: ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ

???: Well that’s a better reason than fame… 

???: But why?

…: (◉‿◉)つ

???: Because you like me?

???: *Smile* …Hhmp.

???: Of course you do. I’m amazing.

…: (꒪⌓꒪)

???: Pfff…! Haha..HAHAHA!

???: Look at your face..! Hahaha!

???: Oh! You never fail to amuse me!

…: (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻ *Angry Noises*

𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚜: @udretlnea, @taurus-caeli. Re-blog or Comment if you want to get added into the Tag section for The Divine City: Arc. Back to The Divine City: Arc Master-List. Go to Story, a related series.

Back to Master-List

[tokkiiecloud]

hi it’s me again lol ! responding to ur post u didn’t reply slow dw lol u actually replied fast at least for me lol 😭 and in my opinion, i don’t think you were romanticizing sh at all, i was wondering if you could do the same prompt with levi and satan and maybe another character of your choosing? ^^

Hey hey again!! I’m happy it doesn’t feel like i romanticised sh! This will maybe be the last one, since it kinda feels like I’m milking SH for likes and attention- but if it is a request then I’ll think about it! Anyways let’s get into it

Characters : Leviathan ; Satan and Foras

Tw/Cw : Self harm mentions and blood.

Satan :

The moment he found out about your SH..he felt angry

Angry at himself to not be able to help you

He could only think about the blood going down your arm which made his sleep even more horrible than before

He hugs you and buries his head into your shoulder

He knows he’s not the one who made you feel like this but he can’t help but feel extremely guilty

He tried his best to always bandage you

And always kisses your cheek and shows his affection to make you feel loved

Like you did after finding out he had depression

You both are each other’s comfort

You make him feel better when he’s having a depressive episode

And he takes cares of you when you SH because you needed to calm down…

He takes it very seriously after all he knows what that feels like

Leviathan:

Just like all the others, the discovery was…shocking and hurtful.

He wanted to make you feel better but he’s not the most open about his feelings so why would you open up to him?

But, he does small gestures to reassure you and make you feel comfortable about talking to him about how you feel.

For exemple kissing you’re cheek gently when you cry, always there when you have a moment when you’re so close to relapsing

He stops you every time he can.

He feels horrible when he sees you hurt, that’s the first time he saw himself in someone else

He promises himself to only bring you happiness even though he is quite difficult and the literal sin of envy himself

After all, he hates seeing you..like this not your usual cheerful self.

He’ll protect you from whatever could hurt you. Even god. Even the other devils

After that promise he sends foras almost every single day to watch over you. He gets extremely worried.

Foras:

He was on a mission to watch over you when he saw you hurting yourself

He couldn’t just watch from the sidelines and revealed himself as he ran to you to drop the sharp object tainted with your blood.

He looks at you, shocked to see him appearing out of thin air.

After that whole ordeal, he always checks on you whether it is an order from Leviathan or just his own free will.

He has specific time he knows you could potentially hurt yourself and always goes to check

He cares for you and loves you a lot.

Leaving encouraging and supportive notes everywhere you can see them

He just wants you to get better

And will fight every thing that hurt you.

Just like his king he also made a promise to himself

To destroy everything that could possibly hurt you or that has hurt you.

Ah honestly I feel better just thinking about them acting like this it always feels nice having someone who cares

Anyways this is the end I know that I repeat it a lot but , if you are struggling with sh you should go talk to a professional able to help you it is hard to stop this addiction, I want everyone that is struggling through it know that they are loved and appreciated and that someone believes in them to overcome this addiction and are able to go on the path of recovery!

Love you all have a nice day<3

[lemonmaid]

There is no one here.

Warnings: angst? Also this was kinda of a vent fic, I wrote down all my feelings from the past year and turned it into a fic, that's why it's corny.

(Name)/Reader is Yuu/Perfect

"I do everything, and I never get a thank you"

"I've had to take care of every mess, and my only reward is getting a pat on the back or being allowed to even go on trips as the bag carrier".

"When I complain, I just get threatened to be kicked out or reminded that there is no where for me to go. How would that make you feel?"

"I get asked to do thing, but if I don't do them then am the asshole"

"I have no one besides that damn cat to hug. How sad is that. I don't even remember when the last time someone said that they love me or gave me a genuine hug. I miss my family, I miss the people who genuinely cared about me".

"If I died here there wouldn't be anyone to care, my family probably thinks I'm already dead!"

(Name) felt like drowning, they felt like tempered glass that was dropped too hard.

'Burned out' that's the word (Name) wanted to use but who can say? Depression, burned out, anger, agony, it was the same thing in the mixing bowl, but beaten to hard.

(Name) just stared at their phone, waiting for the alarm to just go off so they could start another day, doing everyone's chores, then working a shift at Azul's lounge, then finally doing theirs and Grims homework.

*ting*

Times up. Time to get ready and be there for everyone while no one is there for you.

.....

(Name) could barely hear the arguing between Ace and Grim, then venting coming from Epel, (Name) was too zoned our to notice their food getting colder and colder. But they could feel the hundreds of eyes upon them, it was like a curse.

"(Name) are you-" before Jack could finish his sentence a swarm of needy people came to their table.

"Oohhhh (nammmmee)! Me and Jamil are going to this new restaurant, do you wanna come with?"

"Oi her-"

"Get your dirty paws off them, I was here first, so their attention should be on me".

"Shrimpy!! Can you take my shift tonighttttt?????".

The bickering slowly started fade out, (Name) couldn't focus on anything but clock ticking and their heart beating.

"IM GOING TO THE BATHROOM!" (Name) suddenly ran off.

In the bathroom, (Name) was almost hyperventilating.

'I can't keep doing this' (Name) thought as they splashed water onto their face.

(Name) looked in the mirror, their sunken face, tired eyes, their appearance was laughable.

(Name) felt angry, why are they always the bad guy, why can't they put boundaries? Why are they the one who has to do everything? Why are they the one who has to fix it?

(Name) was slowly seething.

But then their heartbreaks at the thought that no one really cares, can't anyone else see them slowly slipping away? Why won't anyone help them, why can't anyone else see what they are going through?

"Hey, you doing okay bro?"

(Name) turned around facing Duece, "Yeah, I'm fine. You know, stressed".

Deuce gave (name) a look, "are you sure? You look agitated"

(Name) thought about it, this would be a great time to just vent! "Am I? Sorry, I wouldn't know why"

Deuce hummed, "your food was getting cold, thought I would save it"

(Name) grabbed the tray from Deuce, "thanks".

A knock interrupts the two, "oh! (Name)! Perfect timing! I need your assistance!"

(Name) felt their body sink to the floor, "How can I help Crowley?".

Keys jingle, the door opens, "Perfect! I need your help! It's a dire situation! One that will cost Ramshackle!".

(Name) felt themselves age faster.

Crowley explains how he fell into a pyramid scheme, how does this involve (name)? No one knows.

"If you don't help! Who know what could happen! Those overbolts only happen around you!".

(Name) felt their heart-dropped, tears tricked down their face.

Deuce reached out for "(Name)".

"I just feel so ashamed and embarrassed? How was any of that my fault? Like don't they know how traumatizing it was for me to go through all of those damn overbolts? Why do they have the right" (Name) wailed.

Crowley and Deuce could only watch in shock.

"This is all YOUR fault!" (Name) screamed.

"Now listen here perfect! Just because-"

"NO! It is your fault! Why am I to take any of the blame?!".

"What's going on in here?".

A crowd gathered around the bathroom door, hushed voices, judgemental, sympathetic stares.

(Name) felt the stares, eyes staring at them, seething. It was all too much.

The room was spinning; the voices getting louder, more eyes appearing.

It was madness.

(Name) felt their heart race, breathing so fast like they'd run a marathon.

'I've got to get out of here'.

(Name) went to move into the crowded hallway, their steps erratic.

The hushing voices are getting louder.

"Look at them".

"How are they the perfect?"

"Can't do anything right-".

"They don't belong here-".

"Magicless-".

"Abnormal-".

"Waste of space-".

"The school's janitor-".

"Teacher's pet"-.

"Stuck up-".

"WORTHLESS-".

A hand grabs their shoulders, "(Name) are you alright?".

(Name) looks into Malleus's eyes, "no".

Darkness.

☆

(Name) finally opened their eyes.

'It's quiet'.

(Name) looked around and saw "Get Well Soon" cards decorated the room, deflated balloons.

"You're awake".

(Name) saw Crowley sitting in a chair by them, "It's been a couple of weeks you know? Personally I thought you were gone, I mean, a magicless human overbolting? Never happened before. But with you, a lot of things never happened before".

"I'm still... so tired" (Name) silently cried.

"I know. I'm sorry".

Authors note:

No part 2, this was a vent fic that I fixed up and wrote into putting characters from Twisted Wonderland.

Sometimes there is no happy endings.

[alpaca-clouds]

Do Adults Remember Being Kids? Or: Adults that do not understand kids make bad kids media

A few days ago I had a discussion with one of those male crybabies in their 40s, who are very butt-hurt about media not always being made for them. But that discussion kinda got out of hand, with more and more people chiming in. And this got me to wonder: "Uhm, do people not remember being kids?"

For context. Someone posted the scene from Thor: Love and Thunder, in which Thor shares his power with the Asgardian kids. The person posted that was like: "Can we all agree that this was the worst scene in the MCU?" And one of my moots quote-tweeted this with: "Yeah, how dares the movie made for children include a power fantasy for children?" At which quite a few nerds got angry with them for daring to suggest that those movies, they love-hate so much, are for kids.

And they went like: "So you are saying that Winter Soldier is for kids?" Which I personally found hilarious. While normally I watch most movies in the evening, for time reasons back in the day I watched Winter Soldier in the afternoon in a full cinema one day after release. And my then roommate and I were the oldest people in the cinema who were not parents that afternoon.

Because yes. There is a reason why Disney makes a point of making all the movies (other than Deadpool & Wolverine) PG13 rated. Which means that 13yos can watch the movie alone, and kids younger than 13 can watch it together with their kids. There is a reason why there are a lot of kids toys for those movies. Because it is for kids.

Now, to be fair, I argued all those things, and one of these professional crybabies ended up agreeing with me after a while. So, I guess that could have gone worse.

However, I also tweeted about it myself and one of my followers also noted another topic where this shows: Folks claiming that Shonen anime are like totally for adults, while... you know... while the official core demographic is "boys between 8 and 14 years".

That is a lot of preemble, I know. But... Uhm, yeah, I don't know how to say this:

Children are absolutely able to deal with dark themes!

They love them in fact. Because they are kids, and they like cool stuff.

Will they get everything about those things? Nope. But is it for them and will they love it? Yeah.

I mean, I remember a lot of those shows I loved as a kid. The reason Digimon Tamers was my favorite Digimon season from the moment it came out, was that it was the first season that took me as a kid serious. It is still a kids show, but it allowed for themes like death and depression. It allowed also for adult characters to exist and to be important in the show, which gave it a more realistic vibe, wihtout ever destroying the power fantasy for kids.

Or another show that was fairly popular back then in Japan: Ojamajo Doremi. A show with a core demographic of girls between 4 and 12 years of age. And this show deals with death, suicidal thoughts, bullying, sickness, children dying of sickness, war and so many other shows. But... You know, look at this show and try and tell me it is not for kids:

I am sorry folks, but kids can deal with those topics, as long as it is not too graphic and are explained properly within the show.

And to get back to the MCU movies: I am sorry, none of them is actually all that adult. It being a thriller does not make it "adult". I mean, fuck, the MCU does for the most part not deal with death as a topic. Because nobody bloody dies and stays dead. Those movies are very, very kid-friendly. It is the equivalent of taking action figures and smashing them together.

Sure, in some of the movies there are topics that kids might not inherently grasp (like the parenting themes in the Guardians movies and the historical context for Black Panther). But those are in only a few movies - and you can still explain them to the kids!

[seriouslysam8]

Synodic Sirius would beat the fuck out of Petrichor Sirius for the following:

1. Leaving Harry and chasing Peter

2. Not escaping Azkaban sooner, especially after finding out Petunia had him

3. Nearly drinking himself to death and having Harry walk in on him almost dying

4. Not figuring out things with Marlene sooner

It would be kinda cool if they both got a glimpse of each other’s lives. Could you imagine Synodic Harry running up to Petrichor Sirius yelling “See-See” and then stopping because his see-see doesn’t look so old. Petrichor Sirius seeing Maia knowing he’s never going to get the chance to be a girl dad. WRITE IT PLEASE!

Gosh, Synodic Sirius really would hate Petrichor Sirius. But at the same time, Synodic Sirius acknowledges he almost left Harry that night and unfairly carries around that guilt. Marlene even tells him he can’t feel guilty about what ifs. I think Synodic Sirius would just be floored at what could have been for him and for Harry.

By contrast, Petrichor Sirius would be irrationally angry at his counterpart. Synodic Sirius got everything he ever wanted. He didn’t make the same mistakes.

I love the idea that Petrichor Sirius would see Synodic Sirius as younger. Like for Petrichor Sirius to see a little five year old Harry so happy and healthy. To see Maia. To see Marlene pregnant. Especially since Petrichor Sirius’ dream was of Harry younger with a little daughter and a pregnant Marlene. It’d be interesting for him to grapple with that. I mean, what if our dreams are glimpses into alternate universes? But that’s another idea for a different day.

But it’d also be interesting if they switched places. For Petrichor Harry to see Sirius not burdened by Azkaban and depression. For Synodic Sirius to just be floored at how shit his life could have been if one choice was made differently, i.e. Marlene going to her dad’s birthday dinner. Ugh and think of Petrichor Marlene. She would see the old Sirius, the Sirius she remembers before shit hit the fan. Likewise, for Synodic Sirius to see Petrichor Harry not as open and happy and carefree. For him to see a hardened Marlene whose trying to keep it together.

Not gonna lie… I kind of want to write this. It’d be such a self-indulgent fic that I think only a few of you would actually read. But the idea makes me happy. Now, how would 37 year old Sirius switch places with his 26 year old alternate self??? Hmm….

[pickledsprite]

Hii! I hope you are doing well. Sooooo, I'm over the moon with sprolden and I feel I need more of them. Could you recommend some fics? Also, I'll love to hear your thoughts about they rls. I live to read analysis of them (only if you comfortable). thanks

Hiii!!

I don’t rlly have fanfic recommendations bc I haven’t read some in a looongg time but I would LOVE to give you my thoughts on sprolden/solitaire!

first of all I don’t think people really understand their dynamic in the right way. I usually see fans labelling them as a “golden retriever/black cat” duo, which is cute but that kinda just stereotypes them into a box… like;

There’s this depressed girl and a happy sunshine guy that comes and saves her life and makes her happy again!!

and this isn’t true, it’s literally in the book.

"I'm just some tool who's always turning up to stop you hating yourself so much." "That's wrong," I say. "That's completely wrong."

Tori and Michael are both completely lost in their lives they just show it differently!

Tori is a complete pessimist who hates herself and everything. She has self deprecating thoughts that make her unable to say the things she truly thinks. And bc she hates life so much, she doesn’t see the point. Not seeing the point in anything is distorting her life bc she cares so much. She is so caring and she feels guilty for not doing anything about it. She feels guilty for not helping others and deep down, herself. Anyways you get the jizz the girl is depressed asf and it shows.

Michael on the other hand is an optimist who is angry. He hates himself but he does have a somewhat better way of seeing life. I mean from an early age he understood he was different. (autism!!!!!!!!!) But he found comfort in skating and reading which helped him escape reality. Even though sometimes it was more damaging than helpful. Although we don’t know much about his home life we can only assume its not really healthy.. his parents are clearly not supportive of his speed skating career. He seeks out validation and that’s why he calls himself a "try hard". I think his self hatred was caused from all the bullying and his unsupportive parents.

And with this we can better understand why Michael was so quick to connect with Tori even thought they seem so different at first. Tori didn’t quite get attached to Michael so quickly but she did have that connection from the start. Michael felt it and that’s why he stuck around for so long. I needed her. He wanted friends so badly and he took the chance and ran (skated) with it. Even thought It was hard because Tori didn’t understand. that’s why she was always pushing him away. She couldn’t grasp the fact that someone cared and showed it. She couldn’t accept the love he was giving her because we accept the love we think we deserve. Michael at some point obviously got fed up with her and was like “You don’t see me as a person at all, do you?" Since he’s been alienated his whole life. That’s when Tori realized, Michael wasn’t just there trying to “cheer her up” he was there because he needed her! Just like how she needed him. When Higgs was burning down she was only thinking about him! She thought she had lost him and it was all for nothing. She was brought back to her late January self and she was scared that she would have to deal with it again but all alone this time. She had lost everything, her school, her best friends, and herself. On the roof she eventually had enough of the pain wanted to end it all. Her seeing Charlie,Becky,Nick and Lucas was one thing but seeing michael was another. It Must have been somewhat relieving but being perceived at her most vulnerable is terrifying! when talking to Michael she was at a lost of words fearing that Michaels opinion of her had changed. But it didn’t. Michael understood her and even confessed to his own problems.

“I pause. Suddenly understanding everything. This boy. This person. How has it taken me this long to understand? He needed me as much as I needed him, because he was angry, and he has always been angry. "You wanted the school to burn."

He chuckles again and rubs his eyes. "You do know me." And he's right. I do know him. Just because someone smiles doesn't mean that they're happy."

Anyways I got carried away and I really don’t know how to finish this SORRY😭

[gothsuguru]

i am going feral over this and idk where it even came from but????? this might even be ooc but i HAVE to tell someone about it or i'll go insane!!!!!

imagine? suguru?? in his slump and really sad and just angry and depressed era and idk he's become borderline toxic while dating you [reader] and POTENTIALLY cheats on you oh god i can't imagine that sweet man doing it BUT BARE WITH ME!!

ur ass leaves him of course maybe even ghosts him when u find out and he is devastated and shoko/satoru give him shit and no one wants to indulge him in anything about you

then a few years later ur back? maybe u even unblock him because u've moved on and all and he's trying so hard to win u back but u always say once a cheater always a cheater but over the years he's gotten his shit together and he knows what he did and he's willing to take every precaution possible so that u never have doubts! AND HE's 100% changed! but ur so hurt!!!!!

AND IDK WHERE IT GOES BUT IN SOME SCENARIOS IN MY HEAD! u guys end up sleeping together!!!!!!! but u do not want to go further into anything emotional and he just wants to be so close to u that he doesn't even care if he's just a part of ur roster.

AH! IDK THIS IDEA MIGHT NOT EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE LOL BUT I JUST HAD TO GET IT ALL OUT!

ANOTHER ONE OF MY GUILTY PLEASURE FICS ARE ONES OF SUGURU REGRETTING & WALLOWING IN SHAME/GUILT AFTER CHEATING ON READER AND READER NOT FORGIVING HIM 🤭🤭🤭 women who ARE angry and STAY angry my BELOVEDS!!!!

but omfg… I SEE THE VISION omfg why do i kinda wanna write this now (since it’s your idea i won’t don’t worry! i’m NAWT an idea stealer!)

ALSO! i feel like i can see suguru being somewhat of a cheater just because he in canon is a Betrayer… he’s devoted in certain lights he’s scummy in others and in this case i can see him being a toxic “bf” and cheating on reader and then vomiting with guilt </3 ALSO YESSSSSSSS SHOKO & SATORU BEING ON YOUR SIDE AND NOT ENTERTAINING SUGURU!!!!! i think satoru especially would be disgusted w suguru… maybe satoru used to have a latent crush on you or smthn and now he’s like? i didn’t go after reader bc of THIS fucking fool and THIS is what he does to reader???

AND YES!!!! even if suguru has genuinely changed, i PERSONALLY would never forgive him + would pray on his downfall + would break everything in his house and also his bones in a fit of rage 🩷 but reader is better than me ig 🙄 so them unblocking him in a way of moving on does make sense! it’s like… he’s not even on their radar anymore!

OOOH AND THAT LAST PART… maybe it’s bc i’m a Certified Hater™️ and have extreme pride and it’s informing the way i would see reader but i don’t think i can see reader sleeping w him 😭 but i do see where you’re coming from, it’d be delicious to see that for reader it’s just a physical thing w no emotional attachment and for suguru it’s So Much More… it’s emotional to him! i also think suguru would be like “i’ll take what i can get” but i can’t even grant him that bc he’s gotta suffer hehehehehe

it’d be so fun to see reader get w someone like toji and reader + toji genuinely hit it off and suguru sees them one day and he’s like oh i fucking hate my life… well… DESERVED! SUFFER BITCH!

anyways omg your Mind anon……. Your Mind…. it’s so deliciously evil i’m in love <333

[catboxghost]

ok i saw someone talking about like. how the wol feels about everything going on, whether theyre having a good time or not being on this big adventure and i had some Thoughts, a lot of Thoughts, with regards to my wol and i need to write this down so it will stop bouncing around in my head (and i can finish endwalker)

spoilers for shadowbringers!!

at this point kitali is absolutely fucking miserable. just having a shit awful time. this is a psychological horror game to her. she had a pretty sweet life back in the steppe, doing fuckall, looking after her sheep. and then that was all ripped away from her by the empire, she lost her home and her family and was set adrift before coming to eorzea because it was the only place left to go. she ended up joining the scions because they had ostensibly similar goals to her, fighting back against the garleans and liberating the world, and possibly helping her find her mom and sister, which has been her goal for years by now. and so she gladly lets herself be turned into a weapon and be pointed at the nearest existential threat, and somehow finds herself able to overcome impossible odds again and again, much to her surprise. she even has a pretty good time for a little bit, and the scions really do become her friends. and then eventually she does find her mother and sister: her sister had been pressed into service as a maidservant at doma castle, and her mother married a wealthy imperial lord. she doesn't have to save either of them anymore. it's about at this point that she realizes just how badly she'd allowed herself to be manipulated and used. there's still two whole nations to liberate, but the resentment starts to simmer. post-stormblood she's kinda like "oh wow you guys aren't actually my friends, you're my employers" to the scions and the eorzean alliance. she can't really be mad at alphinaud because he's just a particularly idealistic kid whose desperation and naivete were also taken advantage of, but she's not a soldier, and she never wanted to be, and she's sick of being treated like one. and yet she will continue to be, because at this point fighting is all she knows. this becomes especially egregious in shadowbringers where the whole "living weapon" thing is placed front and center as every enemy she defeats literally starts to turn her into a monster; the more she fights, the worse she gets, and nobody can help her. this culminates in her having a big screaming sobbing breakdown in front of ghostbert and falling into a week-long depressive episode alone in her room. and this is before she starts throwing up blood from eating angels! (as an aside the whole g'raha/exarch "haha i was secretly manipulating you" thing hits so damn good in kitali's story, because he really did only ever know her as an unstoppable hero, and then she actually shows up as this shy, sad girl angry at the whole world, and now he's about to do the exact same thing to her that everyone else in her life did and make her go kill things he wants dead, and it makes him feel guilty!! and so at the end when he's about to make his big sacrifice, he's all like "aha yes, i used you the whole time, you were just another pawn to me" in hopes that she'll hate him, so that she won't try to stop him when he blows himself up. but it doesn't work because she wuvs him <3) post-shadowbringers she kind of starts to accept it, even internalize it, in a nihilistic sort of way. like "yknow what? fine. all i do is kill things. i am the hyper-lethal vector, the gun pointed at the head of the universe, hydaelyn's special little murder machine. my life doesn't belong to me anymore and apparently it never really did, so why fight it?" and so everything that happens in endwalker (so far) just kind of bounces right off of her. this does not improve her mood in any way.

[emilyssky]

Chapter 4: City Lights And Past Lives.

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"  

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."    

Minho's POV:

1 year ago.

I solved my phone back in my pocket, choosing to ignore Jisung's messages. I know I'm probably being a dick right now, but he's used to it and he understands. That's one of the things I like about him. He doesn't ask much, he simply knows. He knows when he has to push me and when he has to let me push myself. I take another puff of the remaining bits of my cigarette and throw it on the ground. I lift my hood, trying to protect the sides of my face from the cold, but I keep shivering. My brain is so numb right now that the physical pain is the only thing that I can feel. On days like this, I honestly miss being 16 and getting my ass kicked by my dad, cause at least then the pain in my body was stronger than the voices in my head. As the years went by I found other ways though. As much as I hated him, I got addicted to the pain. I used it as my own personal punishment. The self-loath that he caused me made me crave it. I found similar pain in things like drugs and alcohol and started getting off by inflicting pain on others. Girls I would use and dump, friends I would treat like shit, people that would try to help me that I would lie to. I did anything to remind myself that I had power. That I wasn't the scared little boy he would beat the shit out of. I wasn't someone who was only capable of kneeling and taking beatings. I was strong. I was in control. I wasn't the one in pain.

I didn't wanna deal with anything. Or anyone. And I know that running away from you're problems is not doing shit. I know that I have to go back and deal with this but right now, I just want the world to be quiet. I want everything to go away for a few minutes so that I can have some space to fucking breathe. I jog up the stairs that lead to the roof. I've been coming here whenever I wanted to just get away for a little. This place was already at the top of my 'fuck everything, I wanna be alone' list, but since that night, I've been coming here kinda hoping to see her again. I know that that's not actually what I want. I can't deal with another confrontation, but I want the silence that came with her. It was like all my walls were replaced with mirrors and as she talked my mind backed off more and more, leaving me completely alone, listening. I was listening. For the first time, someone didn't force me to talk about anything or explain myself. All I had to do was sit and listen to her comforting me. Reminding me that; it's going to be okay. After that night, her words lived in my head rent-free. You know how most people have a song that, whenever everything goes to shit, they just put their headphones on and simply listen to it, and for these 3-4 minutes everything else fades away. That's how I kept her in my mind. Like a comfort song that I've been having on repeat ever since then. I force my legs to climb the last flight of stairs, finally reaching the top. I tilt my head a bit, looking at the half-open door with confusion. It's almost 4 in the morning. I place my hand on the door handle, and just as I'm about to pull it even more open, a figure flashes through the small gap of the open door. I move my head further into the door's opening, narrowing my eyes, trying to spot the person again, but the moon being the only source of light, doesn't help. They step into my line of vision again. The long hair makes me realise that it's a girl. She extends her foot and lifts herself up in a fouetté,  which I instantly recognise. Her turns are surprisingly clean. Her body keeps moving around the roof, occasionally leaving my limited line of vision. Her back is facing me, not allowing me to see her face. I stand there behind the door, completely magnetised by her dance. She must be a student here. I lean a bit forward trying to catch a glimpse of her face as she jumps and turns. She bends her back backwards, her head and hands handing beautifully and I freeze. I realise that the huge amount of weed that I've smoked hasn't made me completely numb after all cause I swear I just felt my heart skipping a beat. Her eyes are closed as she stays in position, rolling her head and hands to the music that's probably coming from the Air-pods that are now visible in her ears. Her face twitches with emotion and my hold on the door tightens. It's her. Questions, questions, questions. So many questions run through my head. So many emotions overwhelm me. Fuck, I must be so too high right now. I've thought about her way more than I like to admit. Now she stands here, in front of me. And I don't move, I stay hidden behind the door, watching her dance with tears on her face. I don't wanna talk to her. I don't wanna know her name or why she's crying. I just wanna watch her. And the more I do the more my heart tightens cause the memories that she awakes hurt. She dances so much like Mia, that it's ridiculous, I swear I see her face at some point. I know that I only hurt myself more by sitting here and watching her but I'm completely mesmerised by the way she moves. She's the perfect combination of uncontrollable passion and technique. She's using so much power in such a tender and light way, that I'm jealous. I miss dancing like that. I miss the emotional freedom that I felt whenever I danced. I let myself slide down the side of the wall soundlessly, and rest my head against it. There she is again. My little mirror.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Y/n's POV: The next few days went by in a blur. Wake up, go to class, come home, practice, and go to sleep. Every day is basically the same but I'm not really bothered by it, routine is good, I like having a routine. It's safe. It doesn't make me anxious and everything is scheduled. Dance has been hard though. Correction after correction, my annoyance grew. I was making no progress.

.

.

.

"I don't know y/n. Isn't it a bit short?" Emma is standing in front of the mirror, tugging her tight blue dress down, unsuccessfully.

"Em, you look fucking amazing. Blue is the perfect colour for blondes, and you're boobs look incredible." I praise her in an attempt to boost her almost nonexistent confidence as I put my hoops on. "Seungmin is going to be hard from the minute you walk in, bet" I stand beside her in the mirror, taking a look at myself. We look completely different. She's wearing a blue strapless dress with white heels that make her almost as tall as I am. Her long blonde hair falls in loose curls down her bare back and her light makeup looks almost flawless. On the other hand, I'm wearing leather pants that are tight around my waist but a bit baggier around my thighs and a simple strapless black top. I've straightened my naturally curly hair and kept my makeup the same as every time with black eyeliner and a dark red colour on my lips.

"You're one to talk." She bumps her hip to mine "You're hot as hell"

"Stop" I roll my eyes, smiling at her.

"Is Chan picking us up?" She asks as she fills her purse with makeup and other stuff.

"Um no, Hyunjin's picking us up." I grab my jacket and walk to the living room. Emma follows shortly.

"Great, are they going to text you when-"

My phone interrupts her and we smile at each other. Hyunjin's name flashes across the screen. Wow, he's actually on time, that's a first. I answer and put him on speaker.

"We're here bitches." Hyunjin yells.

"We'll be down in five." I say and hang up.

"Let's go." Emma says with excitement and we walk out the door.

Felix rolls down his window from the passenger's seat and lets out a loud whistle. "Damn." He yells.

"Hello ladies," Hyunjin says as we enter the car.

"Hey," I say. "You're exactly on time. I'm proud of you.."

"Okay, you're both hot" Hyunjin comments as he drives off.

"You sound surprised. " Emma says and I giggle.

"You know what I mean" Hyunjin's eyes are focused on the road as he speaks.

"Is Jisoo not coming?" I ask.

"No, Seungmin only invited us, and since I don't really know them that long I didn't wanna push it and ask to bring someone else. Plus, we're not 'together ' together anyway." he shrugs.

"Come on now, you've been seeing each other for like, a year and you're completely obsessed with her." They've been fucking around for so long but even though they never made it official, we all know that they have feelings for each other.

"I'm not, shut up" Hyunjin tries to contain his smile.

After a few minutes, we pull to an apartment complex.

"It's not far from our apartment. " Emma comments as walks to the door.

"We could stay over at your place if we get too wasted and none of us can drive. It's like 10 minutes away." Hyunjin says.

"Sure, we'll probably have an extra bed anyway 'cause Em will hopefully not come home tonight."  I wrap my hand around her shoulders.

"If you're anything like that in front of him, I'll physically hurt you." She attempts to threaten me but both me and the boys just laugh.

The music can be heard from down the hall, and we had to ring the bell at least 5 times before a guy opened the door.

"Hi" he smiles at us.

"Hi, Jeongin" Emma gives him a quick hug. The guys simply nod at him and follow Emma inside the apartment.

"Hi, I'm y/n" I shake his hand.

"I know, Chan told me you were coming. It's nice to meet you, I'm Jeongin" He has a nice smile. He's tall, with dark hair, brown eyes, and perfect eyebrows. He looks like he could be a model.

I take a step to his left, inside."Is Chan here?" I lean into him a bit cause it's so crowded in here that I could easily get lost.

"Yeah, I think he's in the kitchen." He says, closing the door. Emma, Hyunjin, and Felix have already disappeared. There are more people than I was expecting, Emma made it sound like it was a private party, but there are at least 60 people here.

"The kitchen.." I trail off as I look through the crowd, trying to find it. I hear him laugh from behind me.

"Come with me" He touches my back lightly before moving in front of me, guiding me to the kitchen. I instantly spot Chan's blond hair. He's with Changbin and some other people pouring shots.

"Hi" I go up to him from behind and he instantly smiles when he sees it's me. His hair is a mess and his cheeks are flushed.

"Oh my god, heyyyyy" He pulls me into a hug and I giggle.

"Are you drunk already?" I love drunk Chan. He hardly drinks that much but when he does he's one of the funniest people ever.

"Tipsy," he corrects me pointing a finger at me "Tipsy is the right word dear"

He pours two more shots and he gives one to me and one to Jeongin who's still standing beside me.

"Let's get it" Changbin yells and we all drown our shots. . . .

.

.

The energy in this house is crazy and at this point, everyone is pretty much drunk, including me and I'm loving it. I found myself dancing on tables, playing games, chatting with people, and actually smiling. For a moment I felt like my old self again and I wanted to keep that feeling for as long as I possibly can. So I drank more and danced more until the thoughts in my head about what I should and shouldn't do were gone. Currently, Emma and Seungmin are nowhere to be found, Felix has been following Hyunjin's drunk ass around cause he has thrown up 2 times already, Chan is playing beer pong with Changbin and some other girls and I'm dancing with Jisung and Jeongin. Turns out Jisung is a really good dancing partner and has been filling up Hyunjin's spot all night. Well, I did threaten him not to leave my side. Jeonjin is also a really nice guy, super funny, and easy to be around. Even if I don't wanna admit it, my eyes have been searching for Minho ever since I got here but he's nowhere to be found. I know I shouldn't really care, he hasn't been particularly nice to me but that doesn't really stop my growing curiosity about him. The temperature in the room is incredibly hot. My hair is sticking to my back and I feel like my whole face is on fire, the amount of alcohol that I've consumed doesn't really help. My breaths are getting shorter and sharper as I push my body to move to the music between Jisung and Jeongin. The minute I feel my stomach turning I knew I had to slow down for a bit. I needed air.

"I'm going to get some air, I'm sweating so fucking much." I yell over the music to both of them. Jeongin pulls me closer to him by my elbow.

"Do you want me to take you?" He says to my ear. Jeongin has been my guide through the house the entire night. He's taken me to his room to leave my stuff, and to the bathroom, and he showed me around the kitchen and the rest of the bedrooms. Emma was right, this place is huge.

"No, I got this one." I reassure him. I make my way upstairs and walk down the hall, to the last room, where we left our stuff. I remember that there was a small balcony and when I open the door, I'm happy to see that I remembered correctly. I carefully pull open the small balcony door oven and step out, letting the cool air hit my skin. My ears are ringing from the loud music, my eyes can't really focus on anything and my mind is a blur, unable to think about anything. In this moment I find myself smiling, cause in this moment everything is silent. The apartment is pretty high up, giving the guys access to an incredible view. I notice a small flight of stairs to my left. I look at them curiously, before slowly walking up, my drunken state not making it easy for me. When I reached the top, I looked around only to realise that I'm on a small rooftop. My eyes light up at the sight and a giggle escapes me. Rooftops make me happy. I wish our apartment had one.

"Okay, now who's stalking who?" A low voice says and my head snaps to the left. Minho's sitting on the floor with a cigarette between his lips. There he is. Has he been up here this whole time?

"I didn't even know you were here." I protest, taking a step forwards but stumbling a bit on my own feet.

Minho let out a low raspy laugh. "How come every time we meet on a rooftop you're always drunk? " He snorts "Is that like a thing? Whenever you get drunk you search for a rooftop?"

I keep my eyes on the sky in front of me. "I like rooftops," I smile as I begin to walk aimlessly around. "Something about being so high, no walls around me, a clear view of the sky, makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, it calms me down." I grab the railing and take a look downwards to see how far up are we.

"Get away from the railing, you're drunk." Minho's voice comes out louder than before. I look at him over my back. He's now standing, his cigarette rests between his fingers and his eyes are set on my figure.

Interesting.

I turn around, resting my back on the trailing, my hands still gripping it tightly.

Deja vu.

"Or what?" I giggle and lean backward just a bit more. He takes a quick step forward, his free hand extended towards me.

"Y/n, I'm not fucking around, get away." His tone is demanding and his eyes are hard, jaw set. My drunk mind finds his face funny.

"You're funny." I smile at him. He takes a few more steps, carefully.

"I'm not joking." His voice gets low again.

My eyes spark with excitement. "Oops" I lean back furthermore, but his hand comes around my waist pulling me away.

"Do you wanna die?" He says, staring down at me. I know he's half joking but my mouth opens before my mind can think.

"That would be a good way to go." I half smile.

His eyebrows draw together "What?"

"I mean it would be easier right?" I tilt my head at him "It wouldn't be entirely my fault. She got drunk and she fell off the roof sound better than anything else that would make me look weak right?" His face is unreadable, or maybe shocked I can't really tell. He drops his hand from my waist but doesn't say a word. "But either way, I'm weak right Minho?" I say, waving my hands. He clears his throat and looks away from my eyes.

"That's not what I meant I-"

"Cut the bullshit, I know what you meant." A sudden wave of emotions runs through me and I raise my voice slightly. "But let's get one thing straight, you don't know anything." I move closer to him. "You don't know anything about me or what happened. You're so quick to judge me and call me weak and stupid but you don't know shit."His expression changes slightly. A flash of emotion in his eyes that wasn't there before, he opens his mouth and then closes it again. His lips turn into a line and then he exhales loudly.

"It's not like that. I was just trying to help."He finally says.

"I don't need your help Minho. I don't want your fucking pity." I say through my teeth.

His eyebrows furrowed at my words. "I don't pity you y/n" He grabs my hand and without realising it I flinch lightly. He takes a sharp breath, his eyes widening only for a second before he drops his grip on my hand and turns around. He starts walking back and forth, hands on his head, through his hair, over his face, and finally set on his waist.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I begin to apologise.

"Stop," His tone is sharp. He shakes his head. "You're- You're pissing me off."

Pissing him off? "What did I even do?" I honestly ask, frustrated.

"Why are you apologising?" He spins around. I stare at him, no words are coming out of my mouth. I simply stare at him. My chest feels heavy all of a sudden and my eyes fall to the ground.

"What happened to you?" His eyes are searching my face. "I remember a year ago, I met a girl on a rooftop. I was just sitting there when she stumbled through the door, wasted. She was smiling and she talked about life, kindness, and shit. Her eyes were wild and her voice loud and powerful. Her presence was so incredibly bright and I hated it. It pissed me off. It pissed me off because she was everything that I wasn't. The way she viewed the world and the way she talked about people and life made me jealous. I was jealous of her light. It reminded me of a lot of things I missed. I hated it." My eyes can't keep eye contact with him as he speaks. My stomach is a knot, my heart is beating fast, and my head is spinning.

He remembers me.

"Now here we are," He waves his hand around. "A year later, on a rooftop and you're once again drunk. But you're different. And I don't know why, but it makes me mad." My eyes are glued to the ground. My whole body is tensed and I feel more exposed than I should.

"You were right" I finally find my words.

"About what?"

"I'm weak," I nod several times. "And stupid. And I don't have the courage to say to anyone that I was in a shitty relationship. That I was weak enough to be manipulated and lied to and treated like shit. None knows about my childhood or my past in general. I'm scared that everyone would look at me differently. I'm scared that everyone will judge me. Like I did to my mom." I confess. "I promised myself that I would be stronger than she was. Braver and smarter," I laugh. "But of course, I met a guy in my first year of college and I thought I could fix him. I wanted to help him, so I stayed. I made excuses every time something would happen. And he played me. " My eyes begin to burn, desperately holding back the tears. Minho's gaze is hard. From the way he's looking at me, I can tell that he wasn't expecting me to share that much.

"I'm sorry," I sniff and try to look anywhere else. "I tend to overshare when I drink." I laugh awkwardly.

"Was he hitting you?" His question makes me freeze. This is a question I wished I would never hear anyone ask me. It sounds almost unreal.

"In the beginning, it wasn't so bad. Not enough for me to realise I guess. But he did at some point, yes. " My voice falters. "He would get mad often. He would yell. He would throw things, a lot of times dangerously close to me. At times I would try to calm him down, but he would push me, not caring to look where I would land. It wasn't like he was beating me up, we were fighting all the time. It was pushing around, slamming into walls, choking, throwing things. It was the type of beatings that in my mind I could justify cause I wasn't exactly innocent. If I had slapped him and then he had pushed me against the wall and choked me until I begged him to stop, I couldn't blame him completely cause I was the one who had started it. In the beginning, it was sort of exciting, the fighting and the toxicity gave me the kind of rush that made me go back, wanting more. But things started to change and the realization of the situation hit me as hard as the first time he actually slapped me. I would fight, I would yell at him but at some point I became mentally drained and I couldn't really fight back." The words come out of my mouth without me even thinking about them. Like a secret, I was dying to finally say out loud. "Even during sex he was-"

"That's enough" Minho looks at me, disgusted almost. He shakes his head and turns his gaze to the night sky.

"He had a hard childhood. His father treated him like shit. His mother passed away when he was young-" His laugh cuts me off as he turns to look at me.

"I'm not defending him," I whisper." I-I..." I take a deep breath. " I left him. It turns out I was a joke to him. He was supposed to fuck me and move on to the next girl. He had made bets with his friends and I was so naive that I fell right into his little game. The day I found out was the day he lost it and he ended up choking me. When it got to the point that I couldn't really breathe, he snapped back to reality but it was too late. I left him that day"

Minho shakes his head once again, smiling at the ground. His hands are crossed.

"The day we met, I caught him having sex with a blonde bitch at a frat party," I giggle. His eyes shoot up at mine. I drop to the ground and bring my knees to my chest. "And you know what's the saddest part?" I look up at him and smile a little. "I don't even miss him. I feel anger and pain whenever I look at him. I miss who I was before him. I'm mad at him for making me feel this weak and I'm more mad at myself for letting him." I honestly say. "I didn't realize it at the time but now looking back, I can see that the more I stayed, the more pieces of myself I was losing. Until it was too late. Now I feel like everything was taken away from me. All that I built myself to be, came crumbling down after him." I let out a breath of relief. I've been keeping all this inside for so long, never having the courage to say anything out loud. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe I'm too emotional right now. Either way, even if he doesn't really care about anything I said, even if doesn't even like me, the feeling of this huge weight finally lifting off of my shoulder is incredible. He takes a seat beside me. His shoulder brushes mine. He smells like vanilla and cigarettes. He doesn't look at me but I keep studying him. His jawline is sharper than a knife and his nose is perfectly straight. His eyelashes are probably longer than mine and the curve of his lips looks almost fake. His side profile is close to perfection.

"The urge to go find him and just beat the shit out of him is so strong right now." He exhales.

"Why? You have already expressed how much you don't like me and how I piss you off, many times." I giggle at his statement.

"Yeah but people like him piss me off more. " He says. I don't replay, instead, I rest my head on my knees and stare at him. His eyes are still looking forward. " And it's not that I don't like you."

"How did you know?"

"You told me about it the first time I saw you and I've seen it happening too many times." He says. I don't speak. I can't think of anything to say and I don't wanna overstep any boundaries by asking questions. "My father was abusive too," He breaks the silence. "He was an alcoholic. A piece of shit. It was only my mother at first but as the years went by he became violent towards me and my sister. I would fight him off as much as I could, but it would never end well. I remember begging my mother to leave him. 'I love him,' she would say. 'He said he won't do it again' "

He smiles at himself. "I was 17 and my sister 18 at the time. My dad came home drunk as usual. Me and Mia were in our room when we heard the sound of glass shattering. I rushed down the stairs and found a guy that I'd never seen before on top of my mother. He had his hands around her neck, choking her. Another guy was standing next to them, with a lamp in his hand and my dad laying on the floor." He clears his throat. "Um, long story short, he owed them a lot of money, and when he couldn't pay they came to find him. I did everything I could to protect my mother and sister but I was just a kid, I couldn't do much but I gave my sister enough time to call the police. My dad along with them ended up in jail." He finally turns to look at me. The emotion in his eyes is noticeable, for once. "It was supposed to end there." He continues. "We were finally free." A pause. "Until my sister started dating this guy."

I can feel my heart tighten, knowing where this is going.

"He was okay. Everything seemed okay, she looked happy so I didn't give it too much thought. They were dating for almost 2 years when they moved together. That's when shit started happening. We were dancing together ever since we were little so both of us decided to study dance naturally. We were practicing together every day so it wasn't easy for her to hide her body. Random bruises on her arms and legs started appearing, her mood started to change, she started skipping classes, and not going out with her friends." He shakes his head almost as if he's trying to shake the images out of his head. "She was this bright person, such a joy to be around. Always smiling." He smiled in such a sad way that my chest tightened. "When she came to practice one day with a bruise on her face, I put two and two together and completely lost it. I beat the shit out of him." He laughs a bitter laugh."She, of course, protected him. She pulled me away, and I yelled at her. I couldn't understand but I saw it in her eyes. She looked at me the way my mother looked at me whenever I would tell her to leave my dad." A pause "She was supposed to be better," His voice tightened, his tone a little louder. "I didn't understand. I still don't," He breathes. "I didn't speak to her for days, until one day she knocked at my door, late at night, crying hysterically." He takes a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and exhaled. "Turns out she was pregnant with that bastard's baby." He says and I suck a breath. He stays quiet, the silence makes what he said sink in more and more and I feel my heart break at his story.

"I was going to kill him." He looked at me. His face holds no expression but his eyes are swimming with emotions of all kinds. "For real, I was going to end him but she told me she left. She choose the baby over him and she left." I stare at him. That's all I can do honestly. What can I possibly say to him right now? His pain is all too familiar to mine. And I know that there's not much I can say.

"I understand," My voice comes out a bit louder than a whisper. " I understand.  I was supposed to be better too." I offer him a small smile.

He opens his mouth to say something but Jeongin bursts through the door before he has the chance to.

"Oh my god, there you are" He releases a breath, his hand over his heart. "You've been gone for over half an hour." I rise to my feet.

"I'm sorry." I apologise "I wasn't feeling that well. I think I drank too much." I quickly mask my face with a smile.

"You think?" He smirks and I push lightly at him.

"Smoke break?" He looks at Minho and I turn to look back at him as well. Any emotion that was there, has left Minho's face. His expression is entirely natural. Like our talk never happened.

"Yeah." He takes a lighter out of his pocket and lights again the cigarette that I forgot he was holding.

"You should come down, the party is crazy. " Jeongin says, excited and clearly drunk as well.

The corners of Minho's mouth lift a bit ."I'll be there in a few minutes." He reassures him and lets his eyes trail to me for a few seconds before focusing on his cigarette. Jeongin nods, grabs my hand, and leads me down the stairs and back into the room.

"Oh, by the way, Hyunjin has been throwing up nonstop and Felix is panicking."

"What?" I yell.

"Yep." Jeongin's mouth turns into a thin line. He leads me towards the bathroom, where I see Hyunjin with his head on the toilet and Felix leaning against the door frame, his fingers resting at the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed.

"I left you for less than an hour." I run to Hyunjin's side. I sit down beside him, brushing some hair out of his face. His eyes are closed, head resting on top of his hand.

"Babysitting Hyunjin feels like my full-time job at this point." Felix jokes, frustration written in his voice.

"You can go back down, I'll take it from here."

He hesitates. "You sure?"

"Yes Felix, go have fun. I'll find him a place to sleep and I'll be down in a few." I reassure him.

"Alright, if anything happens come and get me." He says and basically runs down the stairs.

"Hyunjin? Are you awake?" I say lightly. No respond.

"We can put him in my bedroom if you want. " Jeongin scratches the back of his neck.

"Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, sure" He shrugs and helps me lift Hyunjin. We walk just a few steps down the hall, into a bedroom, and gently drop Hyunjin on the bed. I scan the room, searching for a trashcan. I spot one under the desk, I place it beside the bed just in case he throws up again and turn him to his side before lowering the lights a bit.

"I'll come and check on him in a few. " I say as we make our way out of the room and down the stairs. The party is still going strong. I force myself to forget about Minho and what we talked about, by throwing myself back on the dance floor. The music gets louder and we get drunker. I lost count of the number of shots I've done, All I know is that I'm having a fucking great time. My body is on fire and my mind is numb. Unable to think, or panic. I move freely, I'm not thinking, I let the music guide my body and I let the alcohol take over my head. I spot chan coming out of the kitchen.

"Channie" I run to him, stumbling over my own feet. Thankfully, he catches me in his arms.

"Wow, you're really drunk." He laughs, helping me find my balance. I wrap my hands around his neck, refusing to let go.

"I've missed you so much" I slur.

"Okay, I know where this is going, and I don't want you to cry in front of everyone. How about we get you home?" His hand rests on my waist, as he leads me to the living room. Seungmin is sitting on the couch with Emma straddling his lap. They're making out as if their life depends on it. On the other couch, I spot Jisung and Minho talking.

"Em" Chan yells over the music, trying to get her attention. Her head snaps in our direction, breaking the kiss.

"She's drunk isn't she?" She sighs, a smile playing on her lips. I try to move away from Chan's grip but he won't let me

"I'm not drunk," I point my finger at her, trying to focus my eyes "I'm wasted." I smile.

Everyone laughs. Well, everyone except Minho.

"Okay, maybe we should get going." She climbs off of Seungmin's lap. "Where's Hyunjin?"

"Yeah, about that.." Chan trails off.

"He's blacked out drunk in Jeongin's room" Felix and Jeongin appear beside me, red cups in their hands.

"Jeongin," I squeal, as I break free from Chan's grip and run towards jeongin. "Let's dance." I attempt to grab his hand and drag him to the dance floor, but he sneaks a hand around my waist pulling me back, my back slamming into his front. I giggle.

"Nope," He laughs. "You've done enough dancing" I cross my hands and pout like a child. Felix laughs at my reaction.

" I haven't seen y/n drunk in so long, I've forgotten how funny she gets" he pats my head.

"I've not drunk Felix" I sigh dramatically, still in Jeongin's grip.

"I'm wasted," Chan and Emma say at the same time and everyone bursts into laughter. Everyone except Minho, again. I turn to look at him, and he's already looking at me. He's sitting on the couch, legs spread wide open, a red cup in his hand, and his head resting on the back of the couch. His free hand plays with his bottom lip and his eyes are focused on my figure, not moving. Not gonna lie, he looks hot. Minho is undeniably handsome. Something about his whole presence is attractive....until he opens his mouth. He can be a total ass. But right now he's not talking, he's simply staring at me, and he looks hot doing it.

"Wait, so if Hyunjin can't drive us back, how are we going to get home?" Emma's question breaks me from my thoughts.

"I can't drive, I've been drinking a lot" Felix giggles. His blonde hair is a mess and his cheeks look like they're on fire.

"I can drive." My hand goes up.

"No" jeongin brings my hand back down. I roll my eyes and rest my head against his chest. From the corner of my eyes, I see Minho lean forward. He places his elbows on his knees, the red cup now hanging from his hand between his legs. His eyes burn the side of my head.

"I can drive you," Jisung offers. "I've only been drinking water, all night"

"Yayyyy" I throw my hands in the air. Jisung flashes me a smile.

"Okay," Emma says and turns to Chan. "Please help me drag Hyunjin's drunk ass to the car." She stands from the couch and turns to Felix. "I'll grab all of our stuff, just take Y/n and Jisung to the car." She points a finger at him, her voice slow and loud as if she's explaining something to a child. Felix nods and takes me by the arm.

"I like them bossy." Seungmin wipes his lips with the back of his hand as his eyes follow Emma's back.

Jisung gets up from his spot beside Minho.

"Do you want me to come?" Minho looks up at him.

"No, I'll manage" He pats his back and Minho just nods.

"Okay then," He rubs his hands together. "Let's go kid." He says to me, placing a hand on my lower back, guiding me through the sweaty bodies, while Felix leads the way. Emma and Chan arrive at the car a few minutes after us, holding a very grumpy, half-asleep Hyunjin. Emma unlocks the car and gets into the passenger's seat while me, Hyunjin, and Felix get in the back. Hyunjin immediately lays his head on my lap, closing his eyes once again. Chan appears at my window.

"Text me when you guys get home, okay?" He says to Emma.

"Sure thing dad." She smiles at him.

"Goodnight Channie" I wave at him as Jisung starts the car.

"Bye." He waves back. I rest my head on the back of the seat, letting the cool air hit my face as my fingers run through Hyunjin's long blonde hair. Silence fills the car and my eyes begin to close until finally, sleep takes over me.

[rachelcommitscrimes]

im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.

[way2gosuperrstarr]

• Any inspirations from other media that helped shape the AU? (Other fanfics, movies, etc)

• Any particular favorite scenes you have planned rn?

• I’m so interested in what you have planned for Ness and Y/N’s friendship. I think I recall you mentioning that they had been friends before the ‘Plex?

-- oh gosh um .... hmmmm ....... im sure there is, im just not recalling them off the top of my head.,,,, this isn't a media but one of my main inspirations is just my job,,, i work in dog care, which is where the main "gimmick" of this au- yn's background in DOG care landing them a job in CHILD care -comes from. i thought it'd be funny to plop someone w experience caring for animals into a situation similar but DEFINITELY very different. i've almost treated my little cousins as dogs too (im the oldest out of all ..... 18 of us? i cant remember how many i have,,,) so that was also some food for thought.

i think media ....... the game itself, of course, though that's kind of a non-answer. some of the other fnaf games too honestly. god im realizing ive consumed a painful lack of media recently,,, holey moley,, i should fix that . i think in some way all the minecraft ARG explanation videos ive been listening to in the bg while drawing recently have influenced me in a way that i absolutely Cannot Pin Down, but hey

-- yeah! one im calling "ghost problem" atm, and another im calling "Freddy 'Human Pancake' Fazbear" (its NOT that bad I PROMISE). that one also kinda segways into moon ripping off freddy's chest hatch during the night of security breach. some of my other favorite scenes that live in my head are also translating days ive had at work with the dogs into days yn and the dca can have with the kids in the daycare :} and theres a scene of ness and yn realizing the other works at the plex in a sort of spiderman-pointing-meme way

-- yes!!!! they were very close friends in middle/highschool before yn moved away from utah, to indiana, due to a job opportunity for their dad. their father is a machinist!

yn was very withdrawn and shy in school, and very afraid of expressing themself, and vanessa was quite the opposite- very loud, sure of herself, huge risk taker. rebellious. she sorta did the extrovert-adopt-introvert thing with them and helped gradually drag them out of their shell. they grew very close, vanessa encouraging yn in everything and dragging them along with her on her crazy adventures around their small town and the nearby forest and things. ness was yn's only friend; vanessa had other friends, but she was closest with yn. when yn's family moved away, they fell into a pretty bad depression due to finally forming a solid bond only to have it ripped out of their hands. they and ness fell out of contact due to yn's lack of energy to respond, and by the time they regained that energy they felt too afraid to message her out of fear she would be angry at them, since she had already stopped trying to message them by the time they regained the energy to start communicating with others again.

vanessa recognizes yn immediately upon seeing them again in utah; they really havent changed a bit. by now they've half-retreated back into their meek, timid shell. vanessa's changed a lot, partly because of glitchtrap taking residence in her head, so yn doesn't recognize her at first; even if they did, they'd be too afraid to reach out to her again. luckily, ness has got enough bravery for the both of them.

do note, yn isn't completely helpless when the reunion point comes along; they still retain some of that bravery vanessa helped them develop in school; they've just reverted slightly back into their defense mechanism(?) of acting palettable and timid due to being isolated at school and in their new enviornment after their move again. theyre fighting fiercely to feel like life isn't completely out of their control and theyre just a passenger in their own life; it's part of the reason they moved back to utah on their own- but they're a little scared while doing it.

^ i severely paraphrased this ness and yn part, but ness and yn's friendship is really based off the friendship i have with my irl,,,, luckily i didn't lose contact with them when i moved, and i was lucky i didn't move to a whole new state, but i went through a really hard couple years (3, i think) where i could barely function and cried every day at school because i was so lonely. im lucky i have my best friend, and i want ness and yn's friendship to show how important they are to each other and how important and deep platonic friendships can be and are. i think they'd mean everything to eachother. i know that ness means a lot to yn.