#also kind of wild how i went from most neglected child to being my mom's favorite

[nanabanonana]

mom: remember [redacted] Family?

me: no

mom: bob and billy and sally? those were the kids

me: oh, yeah, vaguely. we went to their house like twice.

mom: yeah. once to drop off gifts your dad sent us by mistake. like that blue bike you guys were so excited about and i told you it wasn't ours.

me: yeah i remember. why?

mom: that was your dad's other family. i can talk about it now because i'm over it.

me who just found out my dad had a fourth family: oh … cool. glad you're over it.

[seaf00d-hater]

It was horrid being in that clan. Having all your things stolen and taken from you all the time. Food, water, shelter, toys, even your own life. even if it wasn't necessary it would be taken in a heartbeat if you weren't strong enough. when the clan invaded, aryas home was stolen and destroyed, her grandmother and father perished leaving arya and her mother to be next. The head of the clan wanted her mom giving her the choice of killing arya and taking her or taking the both of them if she was willing to follow them which is what she chose.

Soon the head married aryas mother and made her bare Child after child after child all dying of hunger or neglect. Arya tried her damndest to feed them to help them but she was just as helpless. As arya grew older she stopped growing and her siblings just kept dying. the second of starvation, the third of sickness, the fourth killed, the fith and sixth starvation, and I couldn't even see the birth of the seventh when they ousted her from the clan.

Aryas mom was too weak and heavily pregnant to fight for her. She was beaten and left behind to die but somehow it felt numb to her. She was able to walk but her throat couldn't make sound, she was still alive so she started to learn how to survive in the wild. Knowing her mom was still in there in that clan, suffering, she could not just leave her behind so she followed the clan from a distance. It was hard to live, it was hard to learn how to survive in the wild in darkwood, in anura, in anchordeep, and especially in silkcradle. But in time she learned how to heal myself, how to harvest, how to use traps to my advantage and most importantly how to fight and hide, learning to burn her own arms in order to keep the growing wool to a minimum.

And as the years went by the body's left by the clan kept coming, and she knew some of them were her brothers and sisters. The eight of starvation, the ninth of sickness, the tenth murder, the eleventh and twelfth of starvation, it was happening all over again but this time arya couldn't even sing them to sleep.

And finally the body that produced all her siblings came. Her nightmare came to be. Her poor mother being to weak to birth the thirteenth was dying and was left behind. She was relieved To see me for the last time and told arya of her last wish. “Eat me. Gain strength to survive. You must survive. And if you can, you must avenge me. For what they did to you, to all your brothers and sisters and for what they did to their own kind. Eat me”

So she did. She ate her alive and continued when she died. She did not eat her womb. Arya buried it just like the other siblings I had when they all died. This was a nightmare, and the only way to wake up from it was to kill it. To kill them all.

~~~~~

Soooo this is the back story of arya :) I also did finally manage to design narinder and all the bishops with aym and baal so you'll be seeing more art from me!

I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT AGAIN IM NEW HERE IM LEARNING SO IF SOMETHING IS AMISS PLEASE TELL ME I WILL TRY TO CORRECT MY ACTIONS

Also more context: the clan is actually a pillaging clan made of sheep that do raides on any other town or village that aren't them and believe the whole the strongest will survive which both arya and her mom suffered from the most arya in the first image being 7 years old and in the last around 15 to 16 years old

FUCK I FORGOT TO @teruuu sorry bbg

[rina-writes]

Survivalist Shower

Summary: [Throwback to the Surviving in the Australian Wilderness videos when Ethan was a MOOD.] Ethan is more than relieved to come home  and you’re happy to welcome him as long as he showers first.

Warnings: Smut Lite ♦ Mostly Fluffy

Ethan walked into the Airbnb with the saddest expression on his face.  You heard him long before he walked in through the door. He and Grayson were arguing from the car. As usual.  They arrived about 8 hours earlier than the planned time.  To be honest, you had expected them 12 hours earlier than the predetermined time, and you thought you were being generous.   You were glad that you had food ready for them to eat because the look on Ethan’s face said he needed it.

“Babe…” He yelled, weakly.  

You removed your apron and ran over to him.  You gasped.  He looked terrible.  He was covered in mud, his skin was splotchy from sun burn, you could see mosquito bites (or was it a rash?!?) on various parts of his body and he had plastic bottles taped to his feet.  Without thinking about it, you gave him a big hug.  He hugged you tightly, taking in your scent with a deep breath.  Grayson theatrically moved past you two, using his weight to push you both out of the way, in an effort to remind you that you were blocking the entrance.  The crew walked around you two with ease, trying not to interrupt your precious moment.

“How can you hug him right now, Y/N?” Grayson asked, teasingly.  “I bet he stinks.”

You laughed.  “Clothes can be washed, but emotional wounds from neglect last forever.”

Ethan nodded, making an approval noise, but refused to let go of you. He like a child holding on to you like his security blanket.  You would be lying if you said that you didn’t enjoy it.  This soft, adorable version of Ethan was one of your favorites. There was something heartwarming about seeing a pretty big dude cuddling into you for comfort.

“Come on, babe.” You said, breaking the hug only to see the pout forming on his face.  You laughed and patted his head.  “I’m still right here.”

You glanced at Nick Fry who had walked in with the crew.  He was the survivalist they had met in Australia who had helped them on their adventure.  If anyone would know what’s up, it would be Nick. You couldn’t tell if they were blowing it out of proportion if it was really as bad as Ethan’s face said it was.  There was also part of you that knew Nick, the person who had been doing this since he was a child, may be a bit biased.

“I’m guessing they had a rough time?” You asked, with a sympathetic smile.

“The Australia Wilderness is hard enough.” Nick explained, his Aussie accent thick.  “Being vegan only made it 10 times worse for them.  I genuinely felt bad for the guys.”

You looked at Ethan who was just standing by the doorway zoned out.  His face looked so innocent: his eyes wide, his hair sticking to his forehead with a mix of mud and sweat, his lips in a seemingly permanent frown.  From the shoulders down, it was easy to remember that he was a grown man. He was tanner than usual thanks to the Australian sun and his muscles were rippling.  His abs were more defined, probably because he hadn’t eaten in awhile. 

 “I think Ethan took it a bit harder.” Nick said, following your eyes. “Kyle told me you fixed up a nice spread for them though.” Nick smiled, “I’m sure that would pick them up.”

Ethan’s face lit up as he looked at you.  You swear you could see the green in his hazel eyes clearly as they twinkled.  Right on cue, Grayson ran from the kitchen with an excited expression.

“DUDE!!” Grayson yelled.  “Y/N THREW IT DOWN.  WE GOT VEGAN BURGERS, VEGAN PIZZA, VEGAN FRIES, VEGAN WATER...”

“Vegan water is definitely not a think…” You couldn’t contain your laughter as you actually tried to correct him.  It didn’t matter anyway, as Grayson continued to yell out the “menu.” You really did throw it down, knowing they would need the pick me up.

“Alright, alright.” You clapped your hands together.  This was how you got the boys’ attention.  It was tip you learned from their mom and it never failed you.  It even worked on Nick and the crew who had their full attention on you. 

“Showers first.  All of you...no messing up my nice Airbnb dining table.” You commanded. 

There was some grumbling, but everyone went to their respective bathrooms.  Nick offered the crew to come to his place for showers since it wasn’t too far.  As everyone dispersed, you were surprised to see that Ethan was still by your side.  He snaked his arms around your waist and in one quick motion carried you to the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” You asked, between laughs.

“We’re showering.” He explained as if it was completely obvious what was going on. 

“Why am I showering?  I didn’t go in the wilderness.” You pretended to protest. In reality, you loved it when he swooped you in his arms.  He knew this; which is why he always did it when he had the chance.

He put you down in his bathroom and happily stripped off his clothes.  It always impressed you how quickly he got naked.  You smiled softly, seeing his tush still a bit paler than the rest of his body, but not by much.

You started to remove your clothes as well while he got the water temperature ready.  As he tested the water with his hand, he answered your question.

“You hugged me, so you’re dirty too.”  He grinned.  “If I’m being honest, I kind of just want some cuddles. I didn’t like being out there in the wilderness.  I wish I could always be with you.”

“Oh E…” You said, finally ready for your shower.  “You’re gonna make me cry.”

Since you were cooking all day, you weren’t wearing anything too fancy.  You removed your oversized t-shirt and the pajama shorts you wore underneath followed.  You were wearing your comfiest bra and the soft underwear that made your butt look nice without giving you a wedgie.

Ethan was taking it all in.  His mouth was agape as he started breathing heavier.  You could hear him panting over the water. His breath hitched as you removed his undergarments.

“I swear…” Ethan looked you up and down.  “...I think you look hotter now.”

“You’re just dehydrated.” You teased, stepping in to the tub.

“Nu uh.” Ethan said, following behind you. “I had the water you sent me and those chocolate covered dates.  You take such good care of me. And now you’re standing here looking so good.” 

When he said, ‘so good,’ he pressed you gently into the wall of the shower.  You could feel the cool tiles on the front of your body and you turned your head to look at him.  He groaned, pressing his thumb into your lips.

“Don’t look at me like that, baby.” His voice came out like a moan. “It drives me even more wild.”

His voice was deep and raspy with desire.

“A-Are we going to shower?” You asked, your body trembling with anticipation.  You hadn’t seen Ethan like this in a long time.  You had a pretty healthy sex life.  Granted, it had been awhile.  You had been in Australia for about 10 days now, and as a courtesy to everyone else, you decided not to sleep together on vacation.  You also didn’t mess around much when you were at his parents’ place in Jersey, so all together it was over two weeks since you were intimate.  It probably didn’t help that he was still getting off his high of being in civilization again.

Using his thumb and index finger, he held the top of your neck firmly and pulled you in for a kiss.  It was a hungry, greedy kiss.   It didn’t take long for his tongue to enter your mouth and his hands to press you against his chest.  He tasted salty and smelled like trees, but it still felt really good.  It was Ethan after all. Your hands had memorized every dip and curve on his body, and they were currently rubbing up and down his back.  You just wished that you could enjoy him squeaky clean.  The mud was really putting a damper on the mood.

You leaned back and he leaned with you, suspecting nothing.  His hands squeezed and caressed every portion of your body.  You reached your hand back and with a quick motion, turned the water all the way to the cold.  You shivered, but Ethan broke this kiss to yell loudly.

“JESUS, BABE” Ethan yelled.  “F-”  He stopped himself, never wanting to swear at you. He backed away pressing his back to the opposite wall.  He shook his head, his chest heaving.

“Sorry,” You said, obviously not apologetic, turning the water back to its warm temperature.  You tried to hide your smile.  “I just think I deserve a clean boyfriend.”

Ethan groaned.  “You could have just asked. Like a normal person.”

“But this was soooo much more effective.” You teased. “And fun.”

“Good god, woman.” He pulled you close to him.  “Now, you’re all cold. And your nips are freaking stabbing me, goodness.”

“Sorry,” You stuck out your tongue.  “I’ll make it up to you.”

You grabbed a wash cloth and some soap and lathered it up.  Starting from his neck, you massaged the soap into his skin.  He put his hands behind his head, watching you lazily.  He occasionally let out a grunt of approval when your fingers touched his skin past the wash cloth.  As your hands got more and more south, his breathing became jagged.  You teased him a bit, going back up to wash his armpits and his arms, dropping down to his legs and his feet,  and even turning him on his stomach to get the backside. 

“Baby, please.” Ethan moaned out.

“What are you getting so worked up for?” You teased staring up at him, squinting past the water. You were squatting down comfortably, his thighs at your level. “It’s just a sponge bath.”

Before he could respond, you started to wash his most sensitive area. 

He hissed as you washed him gently and his hips bucked toward your hands.  His heart swelled with the amount of care you put in to washing him.  He was still aroused, but it just made him want to carry you to the bed make love to you instead of the animalistic pounding he desired a few moments earlier.  He smoothed your hair before gently nudging you to stand up.  You frowned a bit. Usually at this point you would blow him and Ethan wasn’t one to refuse it

“Let me wash off and then I’ll return the favor.” His voice was a whisper.  You blushed and nodded softly. You loved this version of Ethan.  This was the Ethan that caressed you and made love to you for multiple hours while cooing words filled with love. Of course, you liked freaky Ethan as well, who would push you against the wall and drill into you until you felt him in your guts.  It was the versatility that made your love life, in the bedroom and outside of it, so special.

He washed off the soap and rinsed his hair.  You made a mental note to shampoo his hair when he was done. You grimaced as you saw all the sludge covering the tub.  You were excited to see their next video, just to understand what happened.  He grabbed some face soap and washed his face.  He then made his way over to you. 

He kissed you, sensually pressing his lips to yours as he rubbed your sides. You melted in his arms as you kissed back with more intensity, letting out a little groan. You moved to wrap your legs around his waist and he chuckled, breaking the kiss.

“Now who’s the eager.” He put on his best impression of you. “A-Are we going to shower?”

“Not fair that you work me up like this...” You muttered with a pout.

Ethan gestured to his hard on. “Welcome to my world.”

He took the wash cloth from your hands and raised your arms up.  His eyes scanned your body, but not in the same lustful way he did before. This time he was looking at you like a work of art.

“I can’t believe you’re mine, baby girl.” Ethan cooed in your ear as he start to wash you.  “So beautiful, so kind, too good for me…”

He cleaned every crevice of your body.  It was almost embarrassing.  Every curve and crack was cleaned, with special attention to your sensitive areas.  You were a moaning mess and he kept edging you on.

“It’s weird…” He teased, his voice still husky as he touched your core. “I thought I cleaned this spot before.”

“You know what you’re doing…” You managed to moan out.

“What am I doing?” Ethan asked, working his hand in your core.  His fingers inserting inside of you, twisting and curling in the way he knew you liked.

“Pleasuring me…” You moaned.

“Say my name,” He whispered in your ear.  “Say the name of the man pleasuring you.”

“Ethan!” You practically yelled. Half to adhere his request and half to scold him. “I still have to wash your hair.” Your voice softened, still embarrassed at how loud you said his name.

“Gosh…” Ethan groaned, removing his fingers.  “You really know how to kill a mood, babe.”

You laughed weakly, your body aching for Ethan to finish what he started.  You tried to shake off the feelings and poured some shampoo into your hand.  You reached up to get to his head and he tip toed, a silly grin on his face.

“Ethan...stop..” You groaned as you tip toed as well to reach him.  The shampoo was dripping off your hands.

“What?” He feigned innocence. “What am I doing?” As he backed away making you stumble into him.  He supported your weight easily.

“Are you not hungry?” You asked, getting annoyed.  “Do you want to starve? Or do you want to eat the dinner I prepared?”

He reached between your legs, his finger lightly brushing against your clit, and smirked.  “I want the dinner  I prepared.”

You blushed and changed the subject back to the important matter.  “Oh my god, can you bend down? How am I supposed to wash your hair?” 

“I got one better.” He picked you up, letting your wrap your legs around his waist, giving you access to his hair.  He rested his face on your chest, blowing bubbles, while you shampooed his hair.  You made a mohawk with it before washing it off.  You enjoyed these moments too. Just being silly and having fun was just so...you and Ethan. He put you back down and rinsed your hair as well.

A bang on the door made you both jump with surprise.  You bit your lip as you looked at Ethan, both of you trying not to laugh.

“If you two think I am going to wait for you to finish screwing around, you’re so wrong.” Grayson said, through the door, but of course, since it was Grayson, it was like yelling.

“It’s fine!” You yelled back. “We’rec coming.”

“Eww too much details.” Grayson teased.  

It took you a second, but Ethan started laughing immediately.

“Oh my god I hate you both.” You groaned.

“Come on, babe.” Ethan turned off the water and kissed your neck.  “Let’s go eat your delicious food and then finish where we left off.  I can’t let my dessert go to waste.”

He ran his fingers on your left inner thigh, making sure to lock eyes with you as he did. 

“Okay…” You said, softly.

“Okay?” Ethan grinned, getting out the shower and handing you a towel.  “No retort?  Ooh, you’re going to be putty in my hands, tonight, baby.  I see it in your eyes.”

“Shut up…” You looked away, drying off.  “I was worried about you.  You’re not the only one who had a lonely night.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” He kissed the top of your head.  “I’ll make it up to you.”

You smiled.  “I know...the dinner was a preemptive thank you.”

[walkwithheroes84]

Saved By the Bell (2020) Thoughts

 When the original Saved by the Bell ended in 1992, I was still in elementary school and certainly hadn’t watched it’s first run. But over the years - via repeats - it has become something of a comfort show for me, that I turn to when I’m feeling down or just need something cheesy to chill out to. So, hen I heard about a reboot on the Peacock network, I was unsure. 

Now, having finished the ten episode season in just two days, I’m really hoping people give this show a chance. It knows what it is and what it is the child of and it lovingly pokes fun at and embraces it. All while actually showing real issues that people are facing today.

Here are my real-time after thoughts on each episode. Warning for spoilers. 

1.01: Pilot

Zack becoming Governor to get out of a parking ticket and then having no idea what to do is a very Saved by the Bell plot line. But, I love that he's not getting away with doing a bad job and the people of California actually seem to be upset with him. Also random, but - I wonder if Kelly is a doctor and why she hasn't kicked Zack to the curb if he's become such a skeevy person? I guess it is true love.

Jessie and Slater and still adorable, even as platonic friends. However, it's sad that she's kept her son so dependent on her and that it appears that Slater peeked in high school.

Lexi and Mac would be completely unlikeable if played by anyone other than Josie Totah and Mitchell Hoog. Right now, they are just unlikeable, but could grow as the series goes on.

Devante and Aisha are good and I look forward to their characters being explored more.

Daisy is fine, but I don't think she's a strong enough character to be the "lead". Many reviews have called her the "lead" and the "character viewers follow the most" and I'm not sure the character is strong enough for that. Haskiri Velazquez is capable in her role and is doing fine, but the character is a bit bland at the moment.

Principal Toddman: finally a principal that is trying to make a difference and isn't bumbling around and letting the students get away with anything.

The "running for school president" story felt straight out of the old series, with Lexi and Mac doing it for a parking space. But, I liked that in the end (it was 2 days show time and just 30-something minutes our time) they only let Daisy have the job because they didn't want to give up their spring break - not because they learned any sort of real lesson.

From previews I was a little worried that they might try and go with a Mac/Daisy pairing, and I really glad that it doesn't look that way. Yes, it feels like they might pair them down the road (if the show gets a season 2 and beyond), but for now Daisy seems more annoyed with him and Mac seems indifferent to her. It looks like the show might go with Jamie/Aisha, which could work.

1.02: Clubs and Cliques 

The theater clique is basically so cliché that its amusing. I love that they were all desperate to get Devante involved and keep him in the group chat, but he was just so disinterested. Lexi's line that she would fall for him if he kept ignoring her? Ha.

Jamie's inability to basically function as a normal fifteen/sixteen year old is alarming. The fact that he couldn't tell he is bad at football and that he makes raw food? Like, Jessie, who did you raise? That said, the football team having a "Feelings Helmet" was just amusing to me. The Bayside students are just so over the top insane.

There is a large part of me that wonders what the heck happened in the raising of Mac. Kelly had six siblings. She was raised in a working class family. I can't see her raising her son to be this entitled brat who apparently calls her stupid. And, I honestly can't see Zack allowing his son to end up an idiot who just floats through life.

But, I guess that's the point of the series: the Bayside students are all clichés and over the top archetypes of rich kids. None of them are really all that likeable and I find myself rooting for Devante, Daisy, and Aisha while wanting Mac, Lexi, and Jamie to grow up.

1.03: The Bayside Triangle

Knowing that Jamie and Lexi have been friends since they were little kids and she now has a crush on him and doesn't know how to handle it? Very relatable and makes me like her a bit more. She's right - for a lot of reasons, it can be weird to have an old friend like you.

Aisha trying so hard to fit in with the Bayside students is a bit sad, actually. It feels like she's giving up a part of herself to be who they think she should be.

Mac and Jamie's fight felt like it was straight out of the original series.

It's sad to know that Zack and Slater are no longer friends. I wonder why.

Devante is totally my favorite at this point. He just wants a fresh start and it's sad that Aisha and Daisy suspected him of wrongdoing because of his past.

Again, the fact that the students do all this weird stuff and no one at the school seems to notice or care . . .I feel that is purely making fun of the original show, but I love it.

1.04: The Fabulous Birchwood Boys

Lexi and Devante need to become best friends and stay best friends forever. Let's keep it platonic and fabulous. Also, his friends from his neighbor? I need to see more of those boys.

Jamie and Mac Freshmen year? Dorky as all get out. Lexi's fear that no one would like her. So heartbreakingly real.

Daisy having access to money for one day and becoming an entitled monster...that also felt very real. And, I'm really glad that she didn't take the easy way out and said she was sorry to the other members.

Since Mac never even asked Post Malone and since he got the other kids back - I'm starting to think the kid has more depth and empathy than I originally gave him credit for. That or Daisy is rubbing off on him. If they did Daisy/Mac down the road, I think it could work.

I felt so sorry when Lexi realized that Jamie had asked Aisha. I think they are headed for a Lexi/Jamie/Aisha love triangle, and I have to say that while I see Lexi/Jamie (because of her crush), I don't see Jamie/Aisha just yet.

Finally, Slater obsessing over the gym floors? He really did become a stereotype of a gym coach.

1.05: Rent-A-Mom

Jessie still having anxiety about caffeine and knocking what she thought was caffeine pills away from Mac was great.

Speaking of which - poor Jessie and her marriage. :( How did she end up with such a wishy-washy husband?

Slater and Aisha bonding while trying to making the team tougher was great. I cannot believe Jamie gives heartfelt speeches before games. What the hell, man? They really are pushing Jamie as the "sensitive man-child".

Jamie also mentioned that he was starting to like Aisha, but I still don't really see it. Am I alone in this? A start of a friendship, sure. But, a romance within the next few episodes - that would move too fast. Then again, it is a "teen show" and romance on those tend to move quickly.

Lexi and Mac trying to help Daisy was kind-of sweet in a weird sort of way. I like the looks into the home lives of the gang. It gives us a better understand of who they are as people.

1.06: Teen-Line

DeVante clearly facing racism and even classism at Bayside was really well done. I love that Lexi was ready to help him, because he has become such a great friend to her. Those two have really bonded and I love it.

Mac becoming a payphone, but not realizing it kind of made me smile. But what was even better was the way the school completely went into chaos after the students lost their phones. It couldn't have been more than three hours and the school already looked like a deleted scene from a post-apocalyptic film. Oh, and Mac using the rope to get in and out of the room, while the rest of the group used the door. . .loved it.

Aisha and Jamie. . .I feel like she's with him because he's attractive and sweet. There doesn't seem to be any real depth to their relationship. Though to be fair, there isn't much depth to Jamie's character - he's a satellite love interest to Aisha and Lexi.

1.07: House Party

Lexi finally seeing that she is a good (or at least better) person? I like that she is growing. Out of all the characters, I think she has gotten the most character growth (out of the kids) this season.

So. . .Mac does all his schemes because he's scared of being abandoned by the people he cares about and feels neglected by his parents? It's cliché, but. . .okay.

I'm still not really feeling Aisha/Jamie, but I'm not hating it. The relationship lacks depth, so I'm not terribly invested. But, I'm sure if I went back and watched any of the TNBC shows (without my nostalgic glasses on) those romances won't have much depth either.

Daisy trying to go wild, but instead having to be locked in a closet and making out with a coat? Eh, I get that they were poking fun at the darker and "edgy" teen soaps, but, eh.

Slater really grew during the episode and realized that it's time to leave high school behind and start acting like a real adult, and I'm proud of him.

1.08: The Todd Capsule 

Lark looked amazing. I'm so happy that she is doing so well these days.

So now we know where Screech is: on the Space Station with Kevin the Robot.

I was actually sad to learn that Kelly didn't follow her dream of becoming an actual doctor and is instead selling a fake wellness brand or some nonsense. Though, I will admit the Zack/Kelly scenes had me giggling a bit. They have become so shallow and weird, but I'm living for it. And when Zack said she was the only woman he's ever been with? That was a great jab, at least to me, at the way teen shows always do the "one true pairing" thing.

So glad Jessie now knows that Slater still has feelings for her. Can't believe her husband is having an emotional affair with one of his characters. This show can be so ridiculous.

The time capsule was a great addition to the episode, especially as they remembered all the plots that didn't make sense or were just weird: Jessie's caffeine addiction, putting on a ballet so Zack could graduate, saving a hotel in Hawaii.

How dare the gang (expect Lisa, who is a Queen) not remember Ron-Ron!

I hate - hate - that the PTA basically went behind everyone's back and is going to use the money to send the Douglas children back to their school. Yes, they can use the money to buy new things, but they will still have issues in that school. It's pure racism and classism.

Devante having a crush on Nadia (I think that's her name?) is super cute.

Loved Lexi and Daisy bonding and Lexi seeing that sometimes guilting people into things works just as well as being fake-nice. Though, you think she would have learned that by now.

So, Mac has always struck me as a character that is straight out of a 90s teen sitcom, and he still acts that way. But, I love that the show is trying to show some depth to him: he's acting out for attention from his dad. He has modeled his whole personality after his dad's high school personality in order to get attention. It's a storyline that has been done a million times (and will be done a million more times), but it fits his character.

1.09: All in the Hall

The Douglas principal saying that every few years people try and come in to "save" the school ,but than get bored and leave, because they've already gotten what they want - to feel good about themselves? Yeah, I felt that. It was so true to life, the way people rush into some new cause and than abandon it once they have gotten praise or its no longer trendy.

So happy to see Principal Toddman standing up Jade and sticking up for his students. He and Devante should have more scenes together. I like how they play off one another. I really just love Devante - he's probably my favorite.

Aisha finding a way to stay at the school via sports was very smart, but I can also see how Daisy would see it as selfish. Aisha does have a way of thinking about herself first and than others after. I think that has to do with her ultracompetitive nature - she wants to win, even if it mean leaving others behind.

Jamie got a bit more depth in this episode - finally. It was sweet that he wanted Aisha to stay, despite only having dated her for six weeks or so. He went about it completely wrong, but it was sweet. It's good that he sees that he's more emotionally intelligent than anything else.

The Aisha/Jamie stuff - eh. I never felt it to begin with, so it was no big. I'm glad that they sort of acknowledged that while he loves her, she just likes him and it was a relationship built more on physical attraction and sweet moments than anything else. I mean, they are fifteen.

Mac and Lexi feeling empathy and trying to help Daisy was nice. It's clear that they have both grown to care about Daisy (and Devante and to a lesser degree Aisha). I also enjoyed the small tease of Mac/Lexi with them both agreeing that they would totally hook up, because they are both so hot. Who doesn't love two shallow people admitting they are shallow? Though, I still think the writers are slowly - maybe - setting up something with Mac/Daisy. Maybe. Possibly.

I laughed out loud when Daisy ran into Jean (or is it Dave?) at city hall and he just kept denying that they had met before, but they clearly had.

Daisy's breakdown and her nearly doing drugs and the group hug - complete with Jamie discussing some random talent show we never saw (a jab at the original show airing episodes out of order?) - was just so classic teen sitcom. I loved that they pulled back from that by showing Mac reaching for the joint during the group hug.

1.10: Showdown

Overall the season was much better then I thought it would be and I'm really hoping that they are able to work in a season 2. I don't know if they could do several seasons, but I think they could probably do 2-3 more seasons of 8-10 episodes each. They still have a lot to focus on: relationships, class differences, the fall of the Morris family, Jessie's marriage breaking down and how that plays out with Jamie and even Slater, etc.

I really liked the two throw away lines of: Zack asking "Remember Tori?" and Kelly responding with a confused: "Huh?" and then Kelly quickly telling Mac that his father is not Jeff.

I wouldn't say Zack learned a valuable lesson, so much as he realized that he only wanted to stay Governor because he didn't want to be a loser. Which I guess is a lesson in a way, but he's still a bit of a slime ball.

I'm so glad that Slater told Jessie he was sorry for teasing her in high school because she protested and that he's happy today's teenagers are more willing to speak out about their beliefs. And, I'm even happier that Jessie stood up to her stupid and selfish husband.

Aisha and Daisy ganging up on Devante and than realizing that the clicks at school need a common enemy was great. What was better was Lexi, who has had the most character grown this season, willingly becoming the scapegoat.

Mac still needs to work on his daddy issues, but he's getting there. Hopefully he and his parents can really bond during quarantine.

Jamie telling Lexi that the only reason he wasn't sure if he wanted to date her was because she's been mean in the past was very sweet. Do I think the show is headed for Lexi/Jamie? Yes. Do I think it will last? No.

I still have a feeling that, at some point, they will do a Mac/Daisy pairing. Or at the very least have Mac develop a crush on Daisy, which will be interesting to see.

Other thoughts: I love that the show was able to poke fun at the clichés, corniness, and weirdness of all the late 80s-early 00s teen sitcoms/dramas that people my age grew up on; while at the same time exploring current day issues, without getting too preachy or pushy. They used pop culture well, without it feeling overly done. Someone else has mentioned in several threads that the show reminds them of the show Community, and I have to agree - it really does have an "early" Community vibe to it. I know a lot of shows are being cancelled or not renewed due to Covid, but I really do hope they give this one a second season. I really want to see where they go next.  

Cast List:

Main Haskiri Velazquez as Daisy Jiménez Mitchell Hoog as Mac Morris Josie Totah as Lexi Haddad-DeFabrizio Alycia Pascual-Peña as Aisha Garcia Belmont Cameli as Jamie Spano Dexter Darden as Devante Young John Michael Higgins as Principal Ronald Toddman Elizabeth Berkley Lauren as Jessie Spano Mario Lopez as A.C. Slater

Recurring Mark-Paul Gosselaar as Zack Morris Tiffani Thiessen as Kelly Morris Ed Alonzo as Max Cheyenne Jackson as René

Guest Lark Voorhies as Lisa Turtle

[kattahj]

Five non-horror YA books featuring girls and ghosts

1. A Skinful of Shadows by Frances Hardinge

Explaining this book at all kind of spoils it, because we start off with the protagonist not really knowing anything, but to spoil it just a little bit:

It's set in 1650s England, and starts off in a judgemental Puritan town where a girl called Makepeace is living with her mother, at the mercy of her aunt and uncle. She frequently has nightmares, and her mother tells her to stop dreaming like that and learn to defend herself.

As it turns out, this isn't just mindless cruelty from her mother's side. Makepeace has the power to take ghosts into her body, which is both dangerous and highly exploitable (which makes it even more dangerous). In short, pretty soon, bad shit happens.

This is the kind of book where I couldn't tell at all where it would go, but once I was finished, I looked back and went, "Ah, yes, that's the shape of the story!" I.e. the best kind of book. It's rich and complex, with philosophical and social aspects, and eventually a fair bit of action. It also set the scene very well, featuring a part of history I wasn't previously very well acquainted with.

I could spend a long time analysing it, but it really needs to be experienced firsthand, so I'll just say, read it!

2. Agnes Cecilia by Maria Gripe

This book is immensely well-known to Swedish women 30+ and not many others (though it has been translated to English, Spanish, and other languages). As a librarian, to this day I find that a lot of Swedish ghost stories written are attempts to recreate Agnes Cecilia.

Nora moves into a new apartment with her foster family and soon encounters ghostly signs, which become more pronounced when she's given a doll from a mysterious unknown person. She comes to realize that a previous inhabitant of the house is trying to contact her.

There's a very magical realist feel to this book. Nora is never frightened of the ghost, just frustrated that it's so hard for the living and dead to communicate that she doesn't always know what it wants.

At its core, this is a story of abandonment, and of adults refusing to acknowledge the child's perspective. It's rather tragic, though it has a happy(ish) ending, and there are many moments that I find heart-wrenching.

One particular example is when Nora thinks back on how her parents died and no-one told her, instead lying that "Mom and Dad have gone on a trip." In order to find out anything at all, she had to quench her grief and pretend that she didn't know, and when, years later, her relatives finally admit the truth and expect her to mourn, she can't show the "correct" feelings, and is dubbed heartless. It's one of the most hard-hitting scenes of adultism I have ever read.

But it's also a very warm and tender story, and while it's hard to call the ending happy, it does show that the circle can be broken and lonely people find each other.

3. The Canterville Ghost by Oscar Wilde

Much, much jollier (and shorter) than the others, though not without sentiment, this classic still works surprisingly well! It's easy to recognize the humour of a ghost that's trying to scare a thoroughly practical modern family and has to deal with prankster kids, an older son who insists on removing ghostly blood stains with Pinkerton's Champion Stain Remover, and parents who helpfully try to oil his chains and feed him medicines.

The daughter of the family, Virginia, isn't as cheerful as her family when it comes to haunting matters, and so when she meets the ghost, the story takes on a more somber note. No doubt Sir Simon is a very wicked ghost, but through Virginia's eyes, we still feel some compassion for him, and so by the end, it's more than just a romp.

4. Time of the Ghost by Diana Wynne Jones

DWJ is my favourite author; of course I was going to include her! This story is a bit different in that the protagonist IS a ghost... kind of. She's not quite sure WHAT she is, but by haunting a certain house, she comes to believe that she's one of the sisters who live there, although she doesn't know which one. Her memories are muddled to say the least, and the ghost knows that the girls are about to do something truly dangerous, but she may not be able to figure out what, or how to prevent it.

While there are definitely some creepy moments in this book, it's yet another story of children faring ill, and as such it may be more upsetting than any of the others. It has been said that this is the most autobiographical of DWJ's books, and the parents are neglectful to say the least. The sisters aren't always too kind with each other either, but when push comes to shove, they do stand up for each other when it counts.

This book does feature a malevolent spirit (though that's not the titular ghost) and if you're easily scared you may want to read it in the daytime. :-)

5. Shadowland/Love You To Death by Meg Cabot (first in the Mediator series - the titles are different in the US and UK editions)

Again, this is the story of a girl who moves to a new town and discovers some ghosts - the difference is that Suze in these books isn't the least surprised by that fact. She's a mediator, a person with the special ability to talk to ghosts and occasionally get rid of them. Since she can't tell people around her what's going on, she has a reputation of being a "bad" kid, but as it turns out, the priest at her new school is also a mediator and can mentor her, though he sometimes disapproves of her methods.

It's all very Buffy, but with a somewhat fluffier touch (written by the same author as the Princess Diaries series). The romance is also a bit more pronounced, as one of the first ghosts Suze encounters in her new environments is Hector "Jesse" de Silva, who was murdered as a teenager way back in the 19th century. Their dynamic is very sweet, though it sometimes falls into the trap of "Why is he so aloof? Does he only want to be friends?" No, Suze, he's being responsible about the fact that he's 150 years old and also dead. But that's a minor gripe.

The rec is for the first book, rather than the whole series, because I'm not too fond of the last few volumes, which I felt were trying to go dark for the drama and lost much of the charm. But do start off with the first and keep reading for as long as you enjoy them!

[marlmckitten]

Mr & Mrs Kitty (An Introduction)

A new Blackinnon series by MarlMcKitten and PadsMcfoot

As so many of you know I have trouble letting go of past plots. And I spent three years working on a beautiful Blackinnon one with a friend. Unfortunately that story has come to a close but to keep it alive I want to share it with all of you. But since I also have commitment issues with writing an entire story at once. This is going to be written differently. It is going to be a number of short or long snippets of their lives in no particular order. This first ‘chapter’ is going to be a short, point form introduction to the version of Blackinnon that I will be sharing with you and all the important side characters that come with it. (Mainly bc my new Blackinnon is sooo different and all my plots are gonna shift a little now.) Thank you!

Marlene McKinnon:

your 70′s bombshell

loud, outspoken, unpredictable, wild

she fell in love with Sirius the day he arrived at Hogwarts on a motorcycle, grown out hair, new tattoos and a brand new family (The Potters)

she didn’t admit it for a while though

eventually they fell in love

she didn’t die with her family

but she was devastated

and pregnant

Bellatrix used occlemency to make her believe that it was Sirius who was killing her family

that was what made Sirius go to Azkaban

Marlene ran away, she made her way because she had to, she was pregnant and that was now the last living member of her family and the McKinnon line

she worked in shops, she kept a low profile and she did not tell anyone who she was

she gave birth to a beautiful young boy and named him Lynx McKinnon

the boy looked so much like his father

she would cry watching over him, her mind so conflicted on how Sirius would do that for her when her heart knew he wouldn’t

it was years before she saw Sirius again, but one day she just had to talk to him so she went to Azkaban to visit him

he believed she was dead and she asked him how the hell he could do that to her and her family in her emotional rant she let it slip that she had his son

this prompted Sirius to break out of Azkaban, finding out that he had a child and that Marlene was raising him all alone

Eventually they met up again, and Marlene ended up believing him. She always knew in her heart it couldn’t be true.

This Marlene was so much more grown up, (being a single mother wil ldo that)

They went into hiding again, now at Grimmauld Place. Lynx was terrified of his dad. It broke Marlene’s heart and she did not know what to do.

Years later, the war ended, her family was back together. Sirius never died and she wanted to add to her family.

They had two more children. Halo and Aurora Black.

All Marlene ever wants is for her whole family to get along.

Sirius Black:

such a rebel

such a rebel

but he has a weakness

blondes named Marlene McKinnon

he’s infatuated

you think James is bad? You should see Sirius around Marlene.

he never thought he deserved a happy ending but he got it with her.

Well- for a while. Before she died and he was framed for the murder of her and her entire family.

What was the point of living after that?

He didn’t see one.

Years passed. Nothing mattered and then one day ... “Hey split ends.”

He has a son.

He would not be the same shit parent that his were to him. He has to get out.

And he does and he finds them. It doesn’t take much convincing. His Marlene always trusted him.

But Grimmauld Place and all those childhood nightmares are back. He cannot be a father or anything to Marlene.

So instead he drinks.

A lot.

Too much.

He feels Marlene getting distance. He can tell Lynx hates him but he can’t stop himself. And he hates himself for it.

He dies. Through the veil .

But miraculously he finds his way out. Just in time to save his Marlene and his son during the war.

Him and Marlene lead all the Slytherin children out of the castle, away safely. (Even Pansy Parkinson.)

Marlene never forgives McGonagall for locking her son in the dungeouns during a war, but Sirius knows she was doing her best.

Him and Lynx never get a great relationship.

They’re always rocky. But he gets another chance with Halo.

This pushes Lynx away even more but Sirius can’t help it.

He tries to make peace with it and then Aurora comes.

And oh Merlin how he loves Aurora.

They have a very special bond.

Sirius is a great father to Halo and to Aurora and he tries to be for Lynx too.

It takes so much time.

But he has his wife, his kids and Sirius gets the life he never knew he deserved.

Lynx McKinnon

Sirius lookalike

he hates it

he hates his father

but his mom is everything to him

She works a lot when he is a kid, so he tries to help her out.

One day he pleads her to go to the fair with him. It’s the last day, all the other kids have gone and she promised. He is only 7 at the time.

He meets a lonely little girl named Juliet.

They become instant best friends and for the rest of his life no one will ever matter to him quite like his Ma and Juliet do.

Then he is sent to Grimmauld Place, away from Juliet. And he is so scared.

His father terrifies him. The house terrifies him. He sleeps with his mom most night.

Hogwarts comes and he goes there, an escape. And there he finds Juliet also. She’s a muggle born witch and the world is restored!

He protects her when he is sorted into Slytherin and she is a Hufflepuff.

But he misses his mom dearly.

He befriends an ambitious and beautiful young girl named Valencia Mae.

They also become close. The three of them are happy with just each other.

One day he realizes that he is in love with Valencia and he asks her out.

She says yes.

She comes from a very rich family so he tries his hardest to impress her.

Lucky for him, she has some daddy issues.

He learns that he is a very talented artist.

When he decides to persue his dreams as an artist Valencia dumps him.

He is left devastated.

Lynx drops out of school, he leaves everything behind. He leaves his home.

He’s a little dramatic. (Don’t tell him that he gets that from his father.

But years, and years later, he is reunited with Valencia.

They’ll get a chance at their own happy ending.

Halo Black

such a mama’s boy

but so protective over his baby sister

loves his dad too

really a family guy

from a young age he wants to have his own family one day

he’s a little spoiled but doesn’t know it

doesn’t like Lynx much, doesn’t get why his brother doesn’t love his dad like he does

Lynx tries to tell him that growing up with a single mom then going through a war is much harder than growing up in a mansion with two happy parents and the Black family fortune

Halo doesn’t see it.

He has a lot of back problems.

He’s awkward and so clumsy it could put Tonks to shame

he looooves his (very much alive) Uncle Remus

He wears cardigans and he is a hopeless romantic, after a girl in his year who he idolizes in his head

they are doomed to always be in love but not have anything ever go their way

truly tragic but the love story Halo always wanted

Aurora Black

if Halo is too much of a mama’s boy he’s got nothing on how much of a daddys girl Aurora is

she can’t function without her father

and her brother

oh boy is she spoiled

and optimistic

naive

honestly just not that smart

but has the purest heart and the best intentions

she is always trying to get along with Lynx even though she doesn’t even meet him until she’s about 6 years old

she loves Lynx’s art

she messages him all the time, and never gets a response

she is bullied a lot for being air headed.

And it gets bad.

Some girls play a nasty trick on her.

She is turned into a werewolf.

It breaks Sirius’ heart the most.

She would have been killed if Halo hadn’t have saved her life.

She then keeps to herself more, believing that she is ugly and a monster.

Remus helps and Tonks helps but she thinks she will forever be alone.

After all Remus was until his late 30′s.

But she still manages to keep a smile on her face.

She really loves animas.

Her life ambition is to open a bakery with her father.

She never wants to leave her family

She can even melt Lynx’s heart when she really wants to

but man is she s t u b b o r n

and as sweet as she is she can piss anyone off with her stubbornness to always get her way and not see anyone else’s

Juliet Buchannan:

Lynx’s best friend

not the brightest, but very honest

she keeps Lynx from going too hard, he keeps her grounded

but they both really like getting high together

and talking about aliens

Lynx around Juliet is very different than regular Lynx

she happens to love Sirius, calls him Mr McKinnon and he loves it

Calls Lynx Kitty.

Calls Marlene Mrs Kitty.

She goes wherever the wind takes her

Carefree.

Despite her very lonely childhood.

Her father was abusive and neglectful.

She spent more of her time with Lynx and Marlene

They are her family.

Works in Disneyland when she is older as a face character.

She literally just wants to see everyone happy all the time.

But she makes a lot of bad decisions and always has the wildest travel stories

Valencia Mae:

the love of Lynx’s life

BDE

she gets what she wants

her family exploits muggles to make their fortune

hardcore business woman

loves fashion

never goes anywhere without her Louboutins

she really isn’t that into the wizarding world and hates Hogwarts

but still gets good grades

ambitious AF

dont mess with her

seriously don’t

she will also stand up for Juliet once she is forced to take her in

dating Lynx means dating Juliet as well

really not the jealous type though so she doesn’t care

just a bad bitch in fancy heels

wine

Lyra

the girl Halo is way too in love with

she is not easy to love

she is so troubles Halo just wants to fix her

they are on again, off again faster than anyone can keep track

she has a small thing for Lynx and also one for Sirius

she has serious abandonment issues

the bottom line is she just wants to be loved and accepted but doesn’t know how to be

she does not have a strong sense of self-identity

Sirius really takes a liking to her, and is kind to her, she misjudges that and develops her tiny crush

but it is always Halo she loves

she just doesn’t know how to

she’s there to create the drama without meaning to

Lynx hates her, but she’s good at art so he helps her with that

Valencia and her would kill each other if given the chance

Aurora adores Lyra

Marlene hates seeing a girl break her baby’s heart

Just so lonely.

[aroarolibrary]

Oh man so, first off: congrats to angel/dean shippers on getting your canon thing in spanish but secondly:

Man this whole thing that’s been happening with this show over the last few weeks has 100% reminded me that this show and Sherlock were the two fandoms that made be super romance repulsed because of all the internalized self-hate and trauma they caused me. Like. I was romance repulsed before but those fandoms?? Jacked it up to 100% for years in which I couldn’t interact with any romantic stories or fandoms at all.

Story time!!!

Tw for: self harm, self hatred, hypersexuality, mental health issues, child neglect.

So imagine you are me: a young person who has just graduated high school and, very suddently, went from being “single mother of your little sister” who you had essentially raised on your own for the last four years when she was 5 to 9 yo to “every day college kid that sees their sibling that they raised for the last four years maybe once a month.

Also imagine that, out of all of your high school friends, none of them are attending the same university as you and so. Well.

You’re feeling pretty lonely and depressed.

Now also imagine: you didn’t really have a chance to consume media I HS because: parent. In fact 90% of what you watched was kids cartoons for your sibling +bonus Inuyasha at 3am as a...Uh....treat.....(that’s the kind way of saying ‘setting an alarm at 3am to check to make sure the parents actually got home from wherever TF they vanished to nearly every night).

But hey! You are free now and can watch/read what you want between classes! Only, well, where to start? You go to a book store and find a Sherlock Holmes book and think “okay ya I’ve always wanted to read these!” And proceed to consume them in one week flat.

They are amazing. The relationship between Sherlock and John reminds you of your and one of your best friends/honorary cousins that you haven’t seen in a while and it brings you comfort to read, but now you are out of stories so, you do what any person this day in ages does: you find fanfiction. Now, Sherlock wasn’t a thing at this point and so nearly all the fanfics were based on the books and, of those, 80-85% you gen. No romance at all. Just relaxing stories about friends and solving mysteries.

Then Sherlock happens and, don’t get me wrong, I was definitely a fan when the show started, but suddenly fanfiction was no longer mostly gen, it was shifting, becoming more and more shipping and romance related and it became harder and harder to find non-romantic stories.

Then a person I was living with suggested supernatural. “It’s a story about brothers and it focuses on them.” They said “very little romance. You would probably like it.”

And so I watched it and, they were right, I did. And ya, that one wasn’t exactly like the early Sherlock Holmes fandom, it had a lot of shipping from the get go, but I could also really easily find gen fics that focused on siblings and familial relationships and ignore the rest since there was a pretty even 50/50 split with a slight favor on the gen side.

(Keep in mind there is a LOT of other irl trauma going on in the BG of this story which I know I’ve talked about before. A lot of which is also feeding into the romance repulsion and my avoidance of romance in fandom spaces along with my “blossoming” hypersexuality)

Anyway, the familial relationship in spn was a comfort. At the point I moved from Sherlock to SPN I was in my second year on university and was doing a bit better mentally (in the “sadness” front at least) but I was still missing seeing my sister a lot and so SPN was a comfort in that sense. It was something to relax with that didn’t have romance or anything of the sort that, at that point, was only driving me further and further into hypersexuality (I was dating my first ‘official’ partner at that point and, while I can recognize it now looking back, romance in shows and movies made me feel inadequate as a partner. Like I was failing and not doing enough. Was not romantic enough. Was not showing affection enough. But physically I also couldn’t bring myself to do those things either. What I could do was sex. And, well, when that’s all you have to offer...)

ANYWAY: spn was the one show I knew of on TV that was low to no romance and that the fandom was also decently low on romance, instead focusing mostly on family and the brothers.

Cut forward a few years, I’m back into a depression, I’ve failed at a relationship again because all I can offer is sex and that’s really not enough for people that are looking for actual romance and:

And supernatural introduces an angel character to the show. It’s interesting but I’m pretty depressed and not really all that interested in the show anyway at this point-

But then the fandom happens and it’s like a flood. The romance pours in from all corners along with the absolute hate for anyone that doesn’t see anything romantic happening. It’s like watching a wild fire go through a fandom, what was once a fandom that mostly was just about siblings all of a sudden became all about this angel character and Dean. So much so that it over shadowed everything and any attempt to just enjoy the show as a gen thing or as a family-centric show became impossible.

It was also around this point that a lot of...idk what to call it really because it wasn’t exactly hate, it was like a “this is the only way to read/be in this fandom and if you aren’t we are going to harass you non-stop until you see things our way”. If you couldn’t see the romance between these two characters it was because you were homophobic. If you preferred gen it was because you were homophobic. If you focused on just the brothers and their relationship it was because you were homophobic. If you couldn’t see that Dean was better off in a romantic relationship then with his brother who he had an ‘unhealthy’ relationship with then you were homophobic.

(Keep in mind at this point I was out as bisexual and had attempted to date a woman at this point. I say attempted because, well, again: aromantic even if I didn’t know it then)

It was intense and, from the POV of an aromantic person struggling with being unable to understand even basic romance: it was traumatizing.

I tried to see it, to understand what these shippers were seeing that I couldn’t. Yes, I could see how Sam and Dean’s relationship could be viewed as unhealthy, but as someone who had lived a similar life to theirs as a kid, and to suddenly be bombarded with this idea that the “healthy” way to cope with that is a “romantic relationship” it was a lot. And by a lot I mean a death spiral.

There was...a lot of one night stands and sex and half-attempted relationships after that, in that desperate attempt to understand. There was also panic, nausea, fear that my own relationship with my sister was unhealthy. Was causing both of us harm. That the only way I could keep from hurting her further was to find a “healthy” romantic relationship instead because siblings aren’t meant to be close, not even those where one raised the other alone for years on end.

I had no context outside of fandom about what a healthy sibling relationship looked like and, hell, most TV shows at the time painted sibling relationships as antagonist 90% of the time and with them only interacting when necessary. My parents both had siblings but my dad talked to his maybe once a month and my mom faught with Hers a lot. I had never faught with my sister. We got along perfectly, mostly because from the ages on 13 - 18 I lived for her alone and so I was used to putting her first no matter what.

But this fandom, that had been a comfort for me for a while, suddenly said that was wrong. That instead romance was the way to go and I...

Well. I am conscious of myself enough now to know that I was purposely hurting myself. A lot. Punishing myself over and over and over again, not just because I couldn’t figure out how to “feel” romance like I was supposed to do but also because I was a terrible sibling. Because I had failed my sister some how and had ended up in an “unhealthy codependent” relationship with her since, if Sam and Dean’s relationship was like that according to fans, then obviously so was ours.

(God and don’t get me started on the spiral that the new Inuyasha Sequel put me into a few months ago. I’m STILL not out of that spiral yet. These last few months have not been good for the “romance isn’t important/is unnecessary” front)

I would like to say that I soon realized how terrible the fandom was for my mental health and that it was causing me to harm myself but that isn’t how this story ends. How it ends is that I Eventually I ended up not being able to watch SPN any more. Every episode was just another dagger in my side. Another failure to press my face into. Another series of interactions where I couldn’t see. Couldn’t understand. Another episode that would let to another desperate one night stand/attempt at understanding how this was better. Healthier. How this was how things were supposed to be. Another night of not talking to my family or friend and another few days of not talking to my sister because talking to her too much was wrong.

So ya. This story doesn’t end nicely. It just slowly fades to black. To a point where I hate myself so much that I can’t bring myself to interact with the fandom or internet at all. Where everything just kind of...goes away and vanished but where the trauma still exists. Where stories that start out about family and, suddenly, introduce love interests leave me nauseous and choked. Where my romance repulsion gets so strong that I can’t sleep because I just keep remembering my failures. The fact that it’s not healthy to focus or care about your family. That there must be romance. There must There must there must. Because with out it all other relationships are bad/wrong/unhealthy and you are bad/wrong/unhealthy for only having those.

Just the endless mantra. All night long.

Bad.

Wrong.

Unhealthy.

Bad.

Wrong.

Unhealthy.

Bad

Wrong.

Unhealthy.

Over and over and over again.

[seerdiary-sun]

You know what, fuck anyone who says "disney princesses" are anti feminist.

Those "princesses" are NOT from disney. They from the anglo saxon times baby!

And yeah, back then they were a little wild and crazy but lets be real, those stories, the ones Grimms wrote down, came from house women

Yeah thats right, to women that were all suffering (probably) were like, " yeah, this busty ass rich boy gonna ask to hear the stories I tell my children, im gonna make it clear that you shouldnt mess with us"

and the Grimms (who maybe were just big nerds) were like "thats fucking amazing Im writing that shit down" but they never respected women enough to credit them so their stpries were SHIT!

Nobody wanted to read about the dissection of stories from "old wives" in clinical, scientific manner.

So people were like "naw dog, this shit STANK!" and they were poor and shit and idk what happened to them but i dont think they had a good life.

But we dont care about that.

The love that a mother has for her child can not be hidden because it is inherently so strong (not always but lets stop being childish and always thinking about how something could have been terrible, like com on. You are making everyone miserable with such unhealthy pessimism [yes there is healthy and unhealthy pessimism and optimism] and more importantly you are making yourself THE MOST miserable)

fuck what was i saying?

anyway the mothers love could not be hidden so some sorry ass decided to revive the grimm brothers with edits back to the original story.

or no fuck wait, did one of the grimm brothers do that?

well whoever did it, they got money from it and everyone was like "yaaaaaahhhh we love yooouuu yaaaaaaahhhhh!"

and it was passed down through generations because of their (the mothers) timeless lessons held the great archaic knowledge of Life TM.

and it was all by women talking to other women and creating stories together.

And THATS WHY Cinderella is a feminist classic.

Not only was it the success story of women having their story told, but it was also about women who were so kind hearted getting what they deserved and never even bothered to ask for because they were THAT NICE and so a prince stumbled in and was like "you gucci fam? do you want someone to like, talk to? Do you want someome to deeply listen to you and care about every single word you say??"while rupunzel was just j chillin being bored as f.

Cinderella got her dreams to come true by having a night to relax and enjoy the ball and herself.

She made herself a dress and everything. She even asked she was like "can i have the night off please" and her mom was like, imagine a small dog barking, she was like "nah fuck that we hate how secure you are with yourself and others. we are super jealous and insecure about how you stay kind and soft no matter what life throws at you when it's clear we havent! i mean lookat us, we ugly because we dont think we deserve to be pretty! we skanky because we dont respect/love ourselves enough to believe someone would be unconditionally loving to us without wanting anything in return! So you know how it be, we locking you up!"

and Cinderella was like " damn that sucks. you guys go to the ball, imma take time to cope in a healthy way about this, by crying so see yall" and she cried and was on the way to picking herself back up again when BAM!

Someone help her have a solo girls night out, and she was like "damn thats real nice. ill follow your rules that you set, because i am thankful for your kindness, because i know personally, like PERSONALLY, how hard it can be to be kind without getting anything in return."

So she went, bopped at a party, not really trying to disturb anyone's night be3she is so honored that she was even there, met some random himbo who was a lil ditzy, but she aint here to judge because she is secure in her own self enough to not be prejudice.

12pm hit, bitch gotta go, accidentally dropped a shoe, we apologize for that later there is no time to hang, and the prince was like-

"beautiful on the inside and out woman, dont you know im a prince who can finacially and physically support you so you dont have to?!?!?!"

and she was like " i cant fucking hear you, i feel bad that i had this time for myslf so imma run back before i get in trouble for not helping out them girls who are skanky and need help"

then the prince was SO cool he was like " aight, i checked the nobles, aint none of them was her, we got to try the common folk - because my girl is SO noble, she probably live in a sewer idk, i just dont know, she made me realize common peasants are like, cool."

when he get there

no wait.

he has to send his steward because he's going to work on rebuilding his peasant aqueduct system, in case Cinderella living in the sewer. We dont know, we dont know. this amazingly kind and great listener of a woman makes me feel alive and makes me want to be good for my common people.

so he sent his steward. his steward, bless his heart, aint seen the bitch.

so his prince man was like " i trust you, i love you, take this prized possession of mine, my only connection to my homegirl, as a symbol of my trust, and with my love for you and her, im confident you will find her.

so steward man went off with a lot of love and anxiety to please his prince boy.

shoe doesnt fit them girls, neither would that union fit.

and Cinderella was like " oh damn, thats my slipper, imma play it cool and just simply ask to try it on, so that nobody suspects that i went and had myself a good time on someone elses account.

and step ma was like "no way, imma bfeak this slipper, because i need you emotionally to feel like theres hope for me, when you always kind"

and slipper broke, anxious steward crued.

cindy was like "damn, there goes my disguise. this man needs a slipper to please his bro and also right now, i feel like i was neglecting MYSELF by not believing i deserve this man. also that tight butt and good listening got me feeling things"

then the prince found his girl, cindy got to relax, evil step people were forced to take a hard look at themselves and finally decide if they were worth love from themselves.

and the sweage ducts, were cleaned or whatever.

the end

Cinderella rules.

Love wins.

[theroadtriptonowhere]

Why you should learn your attachment style

Ever wonder why you seem to be in the same kinds of relationships all the time? By which I mean, they all kind of have the same or similar problems. Or have you ever struggled to make connections with people for fear of seeming too needy? Maybe you struggle to make connections because people think you’re too closed off. Maybe you don’t trust easily.

But, okay, what’s something that doesn’t seem generic, but can really make you believe in attachment styles if you’re a little harder to convince?

Have you ever used this phrase and meant it? Nobody ever cares as much as I (you) do. Or, no one gives as much as they get.

In either one, that could be true, but before you condemn someone for a lack of caring, ask yourself this: have you ever actually let someone else take care of you? Have you ever let someone see your emotional pain and take care of you, or do you tend to brush it aside and prefer to just keep helping others?

Okay so if you still don’t believe me, I’d say keep reading anyway, because it could help with people you are in a relationship with, but it’s not like I’ll know so, you do you.

Anyway, an attachment style is basically something we learn as babies (from 0-2 years, I believe, but I’m not 100% sure without looking it up) depending on how our needs were met by our caregivers we could end up with one of four different attachment styles. The two main ones being a secure attachment style and an insecure attachment style.

A secure attachment style is fostered by parents/caregivers that are able to consistently meet the child’s needs, and so the child learns that they can trust their caregiver, and use them as a base for which they explore the world.

Don’t understand what that means? It’s cool, I didn’t either.

My mom actually works in a children’s shelter, and actually showed me some studies on this as she knew I developed an interest in it. In one study that they specifically did at her job, they had a group of moms and their children playing in a room. After a while, they asked the moms to leave for one minute, and then to come back, but to stay behind the line they put near the door. What they found were a few different responses by the babies. One was crying nonstop and could not be comforted and immediately went to their mother when they saw she came back. Another had mixed signals they were giving as if they weren’t sure whether to go back to their mother or to stay where they were, but they were also showing distress at their mother not being present when she was gone. The last baby response they got was one child who did not cry at all when their mother left, just kept playing, and when she came back, they only acknowledged that she was there by turning around to see them and then turning back around to continue playing.

This by no means meant that they each already had a specific attachment style. The experiment was only meant to demonstrate the different ways they can react, not to diagnose, and so the experiment was only conducted by a few people for a short period of time.

However each baby did demonstrate a possible attachment style, so from there well go into the three insecure attachment styles, and what it means for the baby to consider the caregiver as a base from which to explore the world.

Insecure attachment styles:

Anxious attachment: also know as the love addict. Can be considered clingy by most people. Craves attachment, and does not have the ability to self-sooth very often. Self-sacrificing. Has difficulty listening to boundaries. Uses activating strategies when they feel someone pulling away from them to maintain the connection. Is better in the honeymoon phase of relationships normally, but has difficulty settling in a relationship.

Fearful-avoidant: come here, go away is a common phrase used to describe them. (May or may not be called disorganized attachment style, but the people I’ve learned from had different thoughts about what it meant, so I’m using this one. Still, if anyone wants more than a condensed version send an ask and I’ll send the link to who I watch when I’m learning about it) A combination of the anxious and dismissive attachment styles. Wants connection, but doesn’t trust it. Tends to be the more caregiver kind of friend. Does not do well talking about feelings, but is better at talking about them than the dismissive avoidant. Has difficulty setting boundaries for themselves. Will display more of the opposite attachment style of the person they’re dating. If anxious and fearful avoidant, they will show more dismissive avoidant characteristics. Can self-sooth relatively easily. Self-sacrificing, people pleasers. Is better at the beginning of a relationship, during the honeymoon phase, and has difficulty in setting into a relationship past that. Can sometimes do ‘tests’ on people to determine whether or not to trust them. Uses strategies to avoid or activate connections with people, depending on what attachment style they’re with.

Dismissive-avoidant: does not actively want or pursue connections. Does not trust other people to meet their needs. Does not normally display self-sacrificing habits. Tends to avoid talking about feelings(for example, if you asked how are you feeling right now, instead of answering, they might go into how their day went, or talk about their thoughts.) is good at setting boundaries, though not always by actually verbalizing them. Settles into relationships easier than the other two insecure attachment styles, preferring the consistency of a relationship that’s well past its honeymoon phase, to the actual honeymoon phase itself.

The funny thing about the entire experiment was the idea that the baby who didn’t respond at all to the mother leaving was actually the most well behaved. Not to say they weren’t, a lot of babies are incredibly smart, and depending on the age, could have learned object permanence already. (which, for those of you like me that didn’t know, just means they learned that just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean it’s stopped existing) but the fact that we don’t know for sure doesn’t mean anything. The idea that the well-behaved baby didn’t get stressed at the mother's absence because they were good, seems a little damaging to me. Babies should feel at least a little stressed (if they haven’t learned object permanence already) when their primary caregiver leaves. It means the baby trusts them, has bonded with them, and is afraid that the person who they know will meet their needs is gone. It shouldn’t be something we take so much pride in, unless we know it’s not caused by some kind of neglect on the caregivers part.

To be clear, an attachment style can also form in different circumstances as well, but typically the dismissive learns more self-soothing techniques at an early age from neglect on the caregiver's side. This could be as simple as letting the child cry themselves to sleep and not meeting their needs emotionally. Or it could be as severe as not meeting their physical needs. Regardless, even with the best intentions, when we are teaching the child self-soothing techniques by denying the emotional need they have, it creates an environment for a dismissive attachment style to form.

So what does using your caregiver as a base to explore the world mean? I’m glad you asked, cause, dear lord, I had no idea until it was explained better. Basically, a baby watches their caregivers, develops a sense of trust for them, and depending on the level of trust developed, will look to their caregiver as a guide for how they should go about exploring the unknown. In the early stages, this presents itself in needing to see how a caregiver interacts with another person before letting them close. If they see the parent trusts them, they will either feel comfortable letting the stranger close or possibly start crying the second they get near depending on if the parent is trusted to not cause pain. If they crawl away, you might see a baby glance back at their caregiver every once in a while, making sure it’s still okay. If the parent and baby share a certain level of trust, the baby will determine if it’s safe to explore on whether the caregiver looks worried or encouraging. If the trust is built in a way that they know the parent would never hurt them, they will base the decision on only their reaction, and even sometimes will stop exploring altogether just to go back and kind of touch base, before starting another exploration again.

In conclusion, learn about your damn attachment style, I swear your life, friends life, partners life, whoever the fuck you show, will be so much better afterward, I promise you. You can help yourself heal from past trauma and neglect, or help someone else, and remove negative thoughts you may have developed about yourself and other people. It’s wild how much your attachment style can affect your life.

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

holy shit okay i was working on my Angel post and I got sucked into the mythology as you do when doing stuff like this, I’ve made 4 separate drafts since then but I can’t keep my mouth shut because guys, I know we’re all focused on the Calypsos, and how Calypso is the child of Atlas, and all that fun stuff

BUT

What if, in the grand scheme of things, Tyreen is Demeter, Troy is Demophon, and Persephone the mystery girl. please, I have wikipedia quotes for all of this. I personally am not an actual believer of this theory, but it was really fun to write, so here you go.

OKAY

Let’s start with Tyreen and Demeter. Yeah, she’s shown us that her power is like... Phasesuck or whatever, where she drains the life force out of people (and Siren powers, apparently), we also see in the art on the wall of the HBC that her and Troy are bringing food (in boxes) to the cultists.

So Demeter is “the goddess of the grain, agriculture, harvest, growth, and nourishment, who presided over grains and the fertility of the earth. Her cult titles include Sito (Σιτώ), "she of the Grain", as the giver of food or grain”. It seems like Demeter is the exact opposite of what we know Tyreen as- right now she steals the life force and strength from people, meanwhile Demeter would nurture them and help them grow and get stronger. In addition: “Though Demeter is often described simply as the goddess of the harvest, she presided also over the sacred law, and the cycle of life and death.” yeah. yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Bonus, I did a lot of research on Cybele a while ago while I was batshit crazy, and GUESS WHAT

“Demeter was often considered to be the same figure as the Anatolian goddess Cybele”

For Cybele: “Her cults most often were funded privately, rather than by the polis. Her ‘vivid and forceful character’ and association with the wild set her apart from the Olympian gods”. Now I don’t know exactly what the Olympian gods are in the borderlands verse. My first instinct was the corporations? But two of those are named after titans and the rest clearly aren’t greek. So I got nothing.

In addition, Demeter created a cult called “the Mysteries which give the initiates higher hopes in this life and the afterlife”. Sound familiar? Yeah, the Great Vault in BL3 that’s referenced by the Cultists while they’re dying. their exact words are “The Great Vault beckons”. To add to that, the Calypsos are stated as giving their cultists something to believe in so they can believe in themselves. They give them ‘higher hopes in this life’. Quote straight from the Danny Homan interview: “People need something to believe in and they need people to believe in them and that’s kind of what the Calypsos have provided. They’ve kind of gone ‘oh bandits, everyone calls you animals, everyone calls you trash... but we see there’s something, there’s something in you, there’s something we can elevate your murder to. Murder in our name’.”

So why do I think this matches up with Ty? Because I don’t think her power is solely taking power from others. I think she can turn around and distribute it to other things.

Moving on.

This coming bit is mainly why I think Demophon is Troy. Let’s take a looksie:

Weird beginning, but things start to make sense soon, I promise: “While Demeter was searching for her daughter Persephone, having taken the form of an old woman called Doso, she received a hospitable welcome from Celeus, the King of Eleusis in Attica. He asked her to nurse Demophon his son by Metanira.”

“As a gift to Celeus, because of his hospitality, Demeter planned to make Demophon a god, by anointing and coating him with ambrosia... making him immortal by burning his mortal spirit away in the family hearth every night.”

Sadly, she doesn’t succeed in making him immortal and Demophon dies because she was interrupted in her ritual. 

Why do I think this is tied to Troy? Because we know Typhon Deleon found something important. We know De Leon is the name of the legendary dude in our world who found the Fountain of Youth - the key to immortality. It’s also been confirmed that Troy can’t survive without Tyreen helping him (tending to him like Demeter does Demophon). It would make sense that they are trying to figure out a way to immortalize Troy (and, yeah, he probably does end up dying. There’s no other reason to mention he’s sick...) We also are all guessing that Troy’s tattoos have appeared by Ty giving him Lilith’s powers. and what is Lilith’s main element? Fire. 

Since we’re on the topic, let’s talk about Demophon’s brother, Triptolemus. He was considered one of the first priests of the Mysteries and one of his rules was “Honor your Parents”. Sound familiar? Yeah, “Honor the Father” that’s on some of the CoV propaganda posters. To explain: “He flew across the land on a chariot drawn by dragons... his mission of educating the whole of Greece in the art of agriculture. Triptolemus was equally associated with the bestowal of hope for the afterlife associated with the expansion of the Eleusinian Mysteries”. We know now that the ‘art of agriculture’ is Demeter’s domain, and we have likened this to Tyreen’s powers. So, likely, Triptolemus is the priest we see on the cover art. Walking around, chosen by Tyreen, teaching people about the Twin Gods and the cult ‘Children of the Vault’.

Now this is where I get a little stretchy. Because we know nothing of Mystery Girl on the cover.

Persephone. “Plutarch identifies Persephone with the season of spring, and Cicero calls her the seed of the fruits of the fields. In the Eleusinian Mysteries, her return from the underworld each spring is a symbol of immortality”. 

Now I talk about Zeus a bunch in my mythology masterpost that i have yet to post cause i'm always adding to it, and basically I think he’s a representative of the Eridians themselves. Some sort of leader or smth? idk

“Zeus, it is said, permitted Hades to abduct her... Demeter searched for her all over the earth with Hecate's torches. In most versions, [Demeter] forbids the earth to produce, or she neglects the earth and in the depth of her despair she causes nothing to grow. Helios, the sun, who sees everything, eventually told Demeter what had happened and at length she discovered the place of her abode. Finally, Zeus, pressed by the cries of the hungry people and by the other deities who also heard their anguish, forced Hades to return Persephone. Hades indeed complied with the request, but first he tricked her, giving her some pomegranate seeds to eat. Persephone was released by Hermes, who had been sent to retrieve her, but because she had tasted food in the underworld, she was obliged to spend a third of each year there”.

now this is 100% unfounded bullshit im spewing here, but maybe this is why we have yet to actually see Mystery Girl, like, AT ALL. 

We know Tyreen wants to get stronger, she wants to absorb the powers of the Vault Monsters. but why? Just to rule over the galaxy? I mean, sure, why not, but she’s pretty much already getting there just with her cult.

Instead, you know what’d be cool? If she needed all those powers to fight whatever/whoever fucked with mystery girl. If she knew that opening all those Vaults was going to lead to something terrible and didn’t care because it was bad for the Eridians, or whatever that took her sister (?). Like, what if they actually were triplets (Tyreen being the first sister), but the reason Mystery Girl looks so young on the MoM is because she’s been missing since that age? Because they tried to make her immortal like they’re doing for Troy? If they’re all siblings, it’s possible they all have the same sickness. Tyreen can always heal herself because of her Siren powers, but what about Troy? The mystery girl? They’d need someone/something else to heal them. I’m sure Ty can do it for one of them, but both? They’d probably gone looking for a way to heal her, maybe they opened a Vault at some point? (maybe the red vault shown in all the wall art?) And Mystery Girl went missing because of it or smth. idk, im just rambling. i was gonna post my Angel post today but I got toooooootally sidetracked. might still do it if i have the energy. 

This is what my tabs are looking like right now btw lmao

[teamdoesminecraft]

Everything about the pokemon au is perfect... is there lore???

oh you know me of COURSE there’s lore

It’s all kind of tangled together and hard to explain right now, so this post is gonna be a little less narratively-written and a little more expository. but as always, shoutout to @crystalfloe​ for being my partner in crime in developing this!

Some of the Ninetales dex entries say that it “came into being when nine wizards merged into one.” Naturally, we took this and ran with it: you know how illusioners are a sort of “secret mob” in Minecraft that were never actually implemented? Hundreds of years ago, in this lore, nine illusioners (possibly the last of their kind) met together in secret to preserve themselves. After a lengthy process of spellcasting, all of them gave up their physical forms and agency to create a new, pokemon spellcaster: Seto. Seto is his own person, not a conglomerate of nine, and he never really feels that he’s not; sometimes, though, when he argues with himself, it feels like there’s nine voices in his head all with different opinions. Being based on a kitsune and also having access to magic and curses in this AU still, he can shapeshift/illusion himself into a nearly human form-- he can’t/won’t get rid of the tails though, ever.

In these hundreds of years ago, Seto did some travelling, and his illager background eventually brought him to a wooden mansion. He lived there for a while, learning new magic under an evoker, and developing a gradual distaste for most other “humans” because of everything negative the illagers had to say about it. One lone adventurer, though, as they always do, stumbled upon the mansion, and found their way inside. Many illagers were asleep at this point in the night, but Seto wasn’t; he was the one who “greeted” the intruder firsthand. Said intruder wasn’t the nicest person either; they lashed out and tried to grab Seto’s tail to hold him down in a fight.

More Ninetales dex entries will tell you that “grabbing one of its tails will result in a 1,000-year curse on you and your descendants.”

Said adventurer lived and died uneventfully after that, but their descendants bore the burden. Sneaking around at night, looking to steal from illagers, and digging their way through the frostbitten winter woods, the family line was cursed with Weavile aspects; the original adventurer was doomed to slowly become one, even losing their mind in the body. Their bloodline wasn’t quite as unfortunate, but became a version of werewolf; were-weaviles, technically. Looking at too much moonlight at any one time causes them to transform and be mentally “replaced” by a far more animalistic version of themselves.

That’s why SSundee wears his glasses; they block out any excess moonlight. Of course, on the full moon, he has no choice but to close every curtain, because at that point there’s just too much to avoid. SSundee lives a rather quiet life, running a pastry shop in a no-name village, keeping his transformations to a minimum. He somehow inherited the original map that led to the mansion in the first place; he keeps ahold of it just as a reminder to not go there, ever.

SSundee’s got a friend, though, who’s willing to do anything for easy money.

Husky took the map, and ignoring SSun’s protests as just standard-SSun-paranoia, went to find the mansion to dig up any potential treasure there. Once inside, he was pursued by illagers, and fell between the walls; in the darkness, he reached for what he thought was a rope. It wasn’t, of course, and Seto had a whole new curse to lay. Husky had never been a fan of rain, surfing, or even baths as much as showers; Seto thought it would be the funniest thing to ruin the experience for him even more. (do I really gotta specify what pokemon Husky is) Husky’s started down the path of slow transformation, with an extra wrench in the formula; if any part of him gets touched by water, that part takes on more kip-like traits until he dries it. He found out while using SSun’s shower, and blamed it on him like it was some sort of shitty prank; when SSun wasn’t open about what he thought happened, Husky threw the door open.

It was a full moon that night (because of course) and Husky was terrified for a short while (because of course), running as far as he could. SSun, before he lost it, was even more terrified, because as far as he knew Weavile were nothing but predators; he doesn’t know much about Weavile, though, and what he neglected to learn was that Weavile are pack bonders, and that he had already built up a strong friendship with Husky. In summary, Husky spent that night trying to avoid being force-fed dead sandshrew by this terrifying demonic weavile that was also still somehow the mom friend.

BACK TO SETO, he has 1 (one) friend who isn’t an illager: a fellow troublemaking fox. Lox is a lonesome zorua who somehow wormed his way into the mansion (because doesn’t everyone eventually) and learned how to control his illusions by watching Seto in secret. Lox uses these illusions, generally, to fuck with people; it doesn’t help that Seto finds it absolutely hilarious. Eventually, Lox learned to create his own individual human form to cast, and learned sign language; he set out on his own just to explore, planning to find more people to mess with. Lox eventually discovered a small cottage in the woods, and was ready to just completely ruin this person’s day by unveiling that Deep Pokemon Magic--

--but True was, unfortunately, already a pokemon fanatic.

Even disregarding Tepig and Zubat, True tends to a bazillion wild pokemon, all the time, constantly. He’s invested in learning everything he can (scientifically) about how they work, especially their ties back to humans. (True is, in this AU, the one person who would be 1000% on board with being part pokemon, and also the one person who never will be.) When Lox tried to mess with him by impersonating people, True immediately recognized him as a Zorua, and tugged him inside for interrogation. True was relentless in his efforts to understand, poring over books, tests, and learning sign language to communicate with Lox better. Lox eventually mentioned that he didn’t want to be pinned down to one location, and didn’t plan on living forever in True’s little house; True realized this, of course, and waved him off, saying Lox was free to go wherever he wanted. Once away, Lox realized that though he liked the outside, he had enjoyed his time with True almost just as much; now Lox looks for any excuse he has to come back, and pops in from time to time for no reason.

One big excuse to come back, of course, is discovering another human-pokemon anomaly; when Lox saw a man with golden horns quietly using telekinesis to steal a lunch in a market square, he intercepted him and led him all the way back to the cottage. Sky was, understandably, confused and a little distressed; eventually after True sat him down they were able to have an actual conversation.

Sky’s history is (surprise surprise) Mary-Sueish. He’s a shiny hoopa (the only hoopa, so technically nobody knows he’s shiny?), and in this world, all legendaries have the ability to form-shift between pokemon and human. He was created by two other legends-- Notch (Arceus) and Herobrine (Giratina) to assist in preserving/expanding/helping the world. They both act as sort of guides for him in this AU, with neither really being evil or omnipotent. After creating Sky, they realized that while he was powerful, he had no experience in the world; they set him in a mostly-human form and instructed him to travel the world, meeting new people, and understand how humans and pokemon interacted and got along. They also, via a certain amount of magic, prevented him from saying what he or his history was; they didn’t want anyone finding out about the legendary child and trying to kidnap/control him. One notable ability of Sky’s is wish-granting; Hoopa being based on a djinn, we had to give him the magical bullshit. He can only grant one a day, though, in total, and he has plenty of restrictions on them-- no time travel, changing things that already happened, etc, etc. 

While Sky couldn’t tell True any of his actual history, True has been helping him learn more about his abilities and is 100% willing to travel with him anywhere to learn more about him.

SPEAKING OF NOTCH ARCEUS did you know he had a bastard son?? And that son was Xephos? YEAH THATS RIGHT TC/YOGS CROSSOVER AND I DONT GIVE A SHIT

Respawning doesn’t exist in this AU, so the yoglabs complex serves a real purpose via the cloning machines. Xephos doesn’t actually know he has any Arceus genes in him; they’re locked away and not apparent at all. That’s not why we’re looking at yoglabs right now, though: we’re here for Bajan.

Backtracking once again, Bajan grew up in a relatively decent-sized village, watching Wizard of Oz (Poke-Oz?) and absolutely loving the Infernape character. When he was about eight, his village was raided by pillagers; he had to run, as fast and as far as he could. Eventually he stumbled into the mountains, and up to Xephos and Honeydew, who were conducting a relatively boring test compared to normal, and YES i’m saying that Bajan’s gay dads are from the yogscast, nothing matters anymore

Bajan was adopted into the compound and was a very curious and energetic child. So curious and energetic, in fact, that he stole a transformation talisman and used it without calibrating it first; he passed out and was given two weeks to live, with his human DNA in constant conflict with the over-abundance of non-specified Pokemon DNA. Not wanting to support child murder, Xephos developed a particular method that he severely hoped would prevent Bajan from dying; he had Bajan pulled out of his safety-fluid-tank for a few hours so he and Dew could talk to him. They explained the procedure and asked if he had any requests-- Bajan still loved Infernape, so that was the first thing out of his mouth.

In the experiment, of course, they had to use Chimchar DNA to more closely match Bajan’s youth, but the procedure worked; he was given a very specifically calculated transformation talisman to wear to prevent him from becoming unstable again. (He was a little miffed that he had been given the “baby” form, but hey, what could you do.) Bajan lived for the next few years as a poke-human hybrid in the labs, generally being a good, if destructive, kid, practicing his firey abilities. On his birthday, he committed a small act of mischief; he lied to Dew and was able to go outside the labs for the first time since he got there.

Bajan fucken loved the outdoors, because who wouldn’t, and went running around way past his curfew before he got lost. While lost, he stumbled upon an absol-- Jerome had been on the run for as long as he could remember, because of the human superstition of absols causing natural disasters. After enough poking and prodding, Jerome eventually agreed to lead Bajan back to the vault door; on the way back, he locked up and refused to move. Bajan followed his gaze and realized that Jerome had sensed an avalanche before it could even begin-- there was no way they were going to outrun it. Bajan positioned himself between the oncoming snow and his new friend, and put every effort he could think of into spitting out the most powerful flamethrower he ever would--

--and he evolved. Bajan had never realized he could evolve before, and spent the next five minutes in complete and utter glee before yanking Jerome back to the labs to show off his new form and his new friend. The yogs weren’t as excited as he was to bring an absol into a place prone to nuclear disaster; he was grounded for lying, staying out past curfew, and the aforementioned absol-napping; Xephos took a mild amount of pity on Jerome, though, and agreed to test whether or not he was actually the cause of natural disasters. Eventually, when nothing really proved that he was, Jerome was allowed to talk to Bajan again-- at which point Jerome asked Bajan to translate his request to the yogs. 

Jerome had lived his life being unable to enter human society, even as a pet, because of the superstition around absol; seeing Bajan, a healthy and happy human-pokemon hybrid, had give him an idea. As Bajan translated, Jerome himself wanted to be a hybrid, so he could talk and interact with people. Xephos, though skeptical, was never one to turn down a scientific opportunity, and eventually was able to complete the procedure. Armed with a new half-human friend, a newly evolved form, and an advanced understanding of maturity, Bajan approached both Xephos and Dew one night with a request: he wanted to go outside the labs, with Jerome, and explore the world on his own to participate in battles. Eventually, they conceded; Bajan was abso-fucking-lutely ecstatic, and so was Jerome, to be travelling with someone for the first time ever. They currently roam the world as a duo, picking fights and having fun.

The entire team will eventually meet up, either through Sky’s wish-granting, Bajan and Jerome’s roaming, or Lox’s people-hunting; maybe a combination of all three. From then on they can travel the world together, working hand-in-hand to discover new things about each other and help one another as some of the only of their kind in this world.

Xephos, however, still sits in the labs, working on understanding pokemon in a much less communication-based way than True. Every time he re-clones himself, some piece gets lost, sending his mind into a darker spiral... it’s only a matter of time before he discovers his locked Arceus genes, and uses them in a way he definitely never should have.

[softgrungeprophet]

it’s that time again. time for me to be annoyed/frustrated at the comics that came in the 20-teens that simultaneously responded directly to the 2000s, followed in the 2000s’ continuation, but completely glossed over and ignored the very serious topics that were brought up. and then we get the fucking 2018 run which does NEITHER and just seeks to make it worse for shock value without being even remotely thoughtful about anything it does! wow.

we could have had some really interesting growth for eddie and the symbiote’s relationship by honestly addressing things like eddie’s illness, hypocrisy as anti-venom, his status as a victim of abuse, and so on...

of course i know if i say “eddie is a victim” people will get hissy but like.... i’m not saying he’s an innocent blameless baby who was manipulated into being the weirdo he is... i’m just saying... he’s a victim of abuse. he’s been taken advantage of a lot. almost any help he’s received has required some kind of reciprocation.

he’s a shithead and he went off the deep-end after new ways to die because remender’s version of eddie fucking sucks, he’s smug and weird and violent, and also he’s been neglected and tortured and abused and experimented on and he needs therapy and blah blah blah

he’s also not some fuckin accidental drunk driver who was hit into thinking he’s innocent. that’s so fucking--jeez. everything about these retcons donny has been doing miss the point even more than the comics he says he loves so much. it’s wild. like i don’t like new ways to die OR new ways to live, remender’s run was okay but i hated the way he wrote eddie, marvel knights spider-man just sucks in general, the hunger 03 also sucks, but like they do feed into each other in a way that.... sort of makes sense....

i just wish there was a way any of the comics would have said, “hey look there are some ways in which eddie is a victim but there are also some ways in which he needs to take responsibility for his actions”

but that kind of nuanced take is impossible for the way these comics are put out and canceled and retconned and so on forever.. it’s so ... ugh.....

the hunger 03 sucks... it also influenced over a decades’ worth of Venom comics including costa’s in its own weird way.... and i just wish we could simultaneously be like, Yes the symbiote is not inherently evil or corrupting but Also it did abuse Eddie, and Yes Eddie has been treated poorly for a great deal of his life and Also is a motherfucker who needs to be held responsible for his actions.

Is this hypocritical to be like, “can we address the 2000s” while also saying “2018 run is not valid”

in my defense even the shitty 2000s were like a continuity and didn’t try to fully retcon every single aspect of venom lore that ever existed (tho it sure did plenty of retconning....) whereas the current run... is doing exactly that....

of course this goddamn run will probably also influence the following comics unless the next writers retcon the retcons or like, ignore it and it gets put into its own earth or something. idk. like no one really counts dark origin right? and that works cause it also had a negligible influence on the rest of the comics. but like, the bad hunger had a very lasting impact on the comics. so i guess we just hope that donny cates, despite currently selling super well, does not actually influence any of the comics that come after?

i don’t fuckin know. i just think it kind of sucks that like “eddie was abused” is something that gets used as either a “lol no that never happened and if you talk about it you hate the symbiote” or else an excuse to demonize the symbiote even after its own character growth arcs in the apparently supremely unpopular gotg and space knight stuff... lol

maybe if every fucking series from 2013 to 2016 (minus costa which is honestly more 2017) didn’t get canned we could have gotten more. like honestly, 2016′s Carnage--for all its flaws--seemed like it had something to say about Eddie as a character, about his flaws and so on, and I gotta wonder where that was going. It flat out says “Venom didn’t make Eddie Brock a bastard” so like? But then at the same time all of the symbiotes in that series were completely silent so? I don’t even know.

Cullen Bunn was clearly going somewhere too but I have no idea where other than “symbiote is alive but has trouble communicating” and “eddie is coming down from his murder spree as he realizes flash thompson is in fact helping people as agent venom”

the two fit together in a very strangely complementary way. sometimes i gotta wonder about a universe in which those two comics in particular ran concurrently to address venom, flash, toxin, and eddie’s many issues. but toxin’s probably gone... though in my heart they are with jubulile and her mom in south africa, learning what it’s like to be part of a loving family...

man. the resigned “Okay.” at the end of twav...... twav good imo.

anyway

i don’t even know what the point of this is. i’m all over the place in this post. it’s frustrating that donny has made it kinda impossible to bring up eddie’s victimhood without like... qualifying it to the ends of the earth to clarify that you don’t think he’s some kind of pure cinnamon roll who’s been dreadfully manipulated for 12 years....

I feel like I’m not making any sense!!! Words are hard.

I feel like I’ve kinda been avoiding writing about the symbiote though in part because it’s hard for me to balance that many characters and in part because of Donny’s stupid bullshit, which is dumb as fuck but I guess that’s what he wanted huh!!!! Need to read Lethal Protector to cleanse my palate but it’s taking forever to get it from the library because they only have one copy.

ugh

The symbiote is not an evil creature like he wants everyone to think... goddammit.... but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t carefully address both its and Eddie’s mistakes without fabricating new different mistakes to obscure the previous ones. Or whatever. Fuckin I don’t know lol the entirety of the continuity is just a bunch of bullshit. 80s-90s continuity largely separate from 2000-20...15ish continuity largely separate AGAIN from the 2016 continuity yet also directly tied to it, against completely separated from the 2018 continuity which is off saying “fuck you” to literally every venom writer to ever exist since Eddie’s conception, ironically including the guy who wrote the cursed hunger

What am I trying to say! I don’t know! i feel like a broken record. There’s a lot of empty space between Agent Venom and 2016 that was never filled! also between 2016 and 2018 lmfao.

Donny “everything went wrong and I’m not going to explain how other than ‘God’ and ‘Eddie lost his job cause screaming symbiote’“ Cates really pullin some shit. what do you mean eddie tends to work toward solving his own problems EVEN WHILE DYING. waid’s mini-story in NWTD showed that eddie, despite being sad and sick and exhausted was still like.... eddie, stubbornly searching out his own solutions and getting angry. ofc i’m not sure how well it succeeded at parts. the comics in those days were still pretty steeped in the weird symbiote hallucinations that it was never clear if they were meant to be caused by the symbiote or just eddie’s sick brain. like the Last Temptation. I have a love-hate relationship with those two issues... I think they’re pretty well-done but also something about them just rubs me the wrong way. 

Anyway back to Cates: it’s not like there wasn’t space for a spiral after FH or anything. You could have really dug into Eddie and the symbiote’s insecurities wrt family and parenting. but nah. let’s just make it so there’s a SECRET CHILD, and oh the pre-established sibling? we could have dug into her and made her a real character. but no, she doesn’t exist, women are either fake or dead or violated.

asshole.

but again like..... the 03 hunger, cursed and bad... like... it’s still workable. you can work with the corrupting forces, the addiction metaphor (on the SYMBIOTE’S part, with adrenaline) and the intense codependency, and still have them move on and into a healthier-by-comparison relationship.

but cates’ run is like... much harder to recover from if it has as lasting of an effect, because it leaves no part untouched, and goes beyond “normal” abuse into really weird unforgiveable territory... like the canon of that comic is the canon in which everything has been completely changed into something unrecognizable.

i joke about my AUs being unrecognizable because, visually at least, they WOULD be unrecognizable for most Venom fans, but the comics inform them as characters a lot in the stories i write in those AUs, from the 96 good hunger, to the 03 bad hunger, to space knight to venom inc, and so on. But donny cates really is out here essentially reverse-engineering retcons to justify his characterizations.

barely related: the way eddie was raised and the way he coped by overachieving and so on and so forth makes me think he would have--despite presumably gaining a great deal of confidence in college once out of his father’s home--been really vulnerable to being taken advantage of by like, other students or teachers, but idk how exactly to articulate what i mean like... uh... not even that he WAS taken advantage of but that his need for validation would have left him open to it... i guess??

that’s got pretty much nothing to do with this post though but kinda ties into what i’ve said before about how i think eddie was a withdrawn and isolated adolescent who only opened up in college. why i disagree with donny’s retcon for that reason in addition to other reasons--the way he’d been shown to be bullied as a kid in previous comics, as well as the lack of history of alcoholism, the clarification in lethal protector that carl wasn’t physical, so on and so forth.

again that’s not related to this post really... and it’s like, a good 50% headcanon, but it makes sense in my head as something that fits his history?? i guess?

[beawortham-blog]

( what up kids, my name is lara and i’m your local 23 yr old pile of trash from the ast tz !! i use she / her pronouns, i love red lipstick, patterned button-downs, and mac n cheese. i can usually be found crying about mcr [ yes, still ], organizing my pinterest boards, or thirsting after alex turner. anyway, here’s my kid !! plot with me !! i’m open to anything and everything !! )

[ EMMA MACKEY | CISFEMALE | SHE/HER ] — twenty-four year old beatrice “bea” wortham has lived in ashmoore their entire life. they’ve always been known as the ruinous of their group of friends, probably because they’re self-destructive and adaptable. they currently work as a bartender at coasters bar and spend all their free time partying, making fun of the coasters clientele, all while planning the greatest summer of their lives. cigarette butts, smeared mascara, and ripped stockings always make me think of them.

BEATRICE VICTORIA WORTHAM, or bea, as everyone calls her was born on october 29th, 1994. her parents, olivia wortham and victor baines, met at a party hosted by a mutual friend, and nine months later, bea was born.

bea grew up without a father, since just a few weeks after the party where she was conceived took place, victor was arrested, along with a few other friends, all part of his little street gang, and sent to prison. he didn’t even find out about bea until years later. and to be honest, she kind of preferred it that way. she got used to living without a father, and the idea of growing up with two parents is wild to her. she doesn’t even call him “ dad ”, just victor.

olivia raised bea on her own, but truth be told she wasn’t exactly ready to raise a child. she wasn’t around much, both because she had to work hard to keep herself afloat, and because she didn’t particularly care. she was a pretty neglectful parent, so bea had to find ways to entertain herself. she wasn’t too bothered that her mom wasn’t really around to pay attention to her; it just meant that she was free to do whatever she pleased. no one was keeping tabs on her.

when bea turned 13, victor was released. he learned he had a daughter, and the two met for the first time. it was clear right away that they would never be much more than strangers; bea wasn’t even interested in having a relationship with him. so he came in and out of her life, never really sticking around for too long.

just a few days after bea turned 15, olivia was killed in a car accident. bea had to move in with her father. life wasn’t much different than when bea lived with her mom. she was still pretty much on her own, her father too wrapped up in his own illegal businesses to pay attention to the daughter he didn’t even know he had just a few years before. so things pretty much stayed the same for bea.

victor went in and out of jail all through bea’s teenage years. thankfully she’d learned to take care of herself a long time ago, so she never really needed him. when she was 16 he was sent away for good, leaving her on her own for the next few years of her life. in a way thought, she’d always been on her own. that was what she was used to.

she did ok in school. she wasn’t a brilliant student, but she also wasn’t the worst. she always came in the middle of the pack, sort of coasting through. she probably could have done well if she put a little bit of effort into her schoolwork, but she was never motivated to do so. it didn’t matter how well she did in school, she was born to be the scum of the earth, and that’s how it would always be.

she didn’t have a lot of friends in school; people either looked down on her or were intimidated by her, or both. she did get a lot of male attention, and she was willing and able to give the boys what they wanted. she had a bit of a reputation, but she didn’t care about it one bit. in fact, she was almost proud of it. she’s never cared about what others think of her.

once she graduated, she didn’t even consider going to university. she wasn’t the “ type ”. she went straight into looking for work. she had a bunch of odd jobs, little things here and there just to make ends meet. she’s never been above petty crime just to make a quick buck, the important thing has always been to pay her bills and stay afloat.

coasters is the best paying job she’s had, but also the most tedious. she hates serving people who look down on her food and drinks she can’t even afford, but hey, it pays the bills.

she hates that her hometown is being taken over by the type of people she hates, but she’s not about to do anything to stop gentrification either. that takes too much work, and she’s never been one to fight against destiny. when the day comes that she’s too poor to live in ashmoore, and she’s finally kicked out of here, she’ll accept it, and just move on.

i’m very sleepy and have been very lazy writing this intro. if you’ve stayed with me thus far, know that i love you.

that sort of summarizes bea’s background. on to her personality.

if i were to describe her in a single picture, it would be this:

finding positive traits to describe bea is a challenge, i won’t lie. other than being generally fun to be around, kinda funny sometimes, and kinda resourceful, she doesn’t have a lot going for her.

she’s loud, obnoxious, not very smart, capable of fucking her way in and out of any mess. she’s lazy, unmotivated, unambitious, irresponsible, reckless, tactless, selfish, and i could definitely keep going. she’s an unapologetic disaster. she’s not the slightest bit ashamed of who she is or where she comes from, but she also kind of hates herself.

she pretty much functions on survival mode 24/7, only doing what she’s required to do to survive. not really a passionate person. doesn’t like relying on other people.

incredibly reckless and self-destructive, has no sense of self-preservation. she’ll put herself in dangerous situations all the time, because she lives for that sort of thrill.

she’s extremely apathetic, just kind of coasting through life. she’s here for a good time, not a long time, and she knows it.

her pinterest is a wip, but you can find it here. ( you can also find previous versions of this same character here and here, because we love a recycling queen ).

and that’s all for now !! i’ll make a separate post for wanted connections, but if you read this and wanna plot with my disaster, give this a like and i’ll come bug you !!

[juliivn-blog]

[ bill skarsgård, cismale, he/him, 29 ] BRAIN STEW by GREEN DAY? whenever i hear that song, it reminds me of JULIAN NILSSON. maybe because they’re SELF-RELIANT but also CAVALIER. they’ve been living at mulberry apartments since SEPTEMBER of 2018 in APARTMENT 203 and have 1 ROOMMATE. [ lainie, she/her, 21+, cst ]

hello bitches it me ( lainie ) back at it again !! this time bringing u the anti adrian and pls be wary bc there are a lot of sensitive topics down below ( tws for major drug use, drug addiction, death, grief, shitty parenting, neglect, abandonment?? kind of idk better safe than sorry ) also u can find a tl;dr at the bottom since it’s literally SO LONG

BACKGROUND

so bear with me bc his background info is kind of Long!! his mom and dad are from just outside of st louis, missouri. his mom came from a pretty wealthy family and she was just like tryna be ~rebellious in her young adult years by dating julian’s dad (who came from a super trashy family and had a Bad Boy Rep). when she was 19 and he was 22 she got pregnant ( with julian ) and her fam was like get rid of that baby or ur gone !! but they were “““madly in love””” and she was on her rebellious shit so they literally eloped to the city ( st louis ) and got an apartment together and had julian but never actually got married bc they were too cool ( read: irresponsible ) for that. ofc this ended up being rly miserable bc she was used to living the rich life and now her family had disowned her, and suddenly she was starting to realize this dude she had a kid with was kind of a deadbeat party boy with no interest in having a family, not to mention she started realizing like?? i don’t actually want a kid this is a lot of work?? so like julian’s childhood years were a lot of him having to learn to take care of himself and not having anyone to depend on most of the time. and that’s not to say they didn’t both care abt him on some level bc there were definitely times they paid attention to him and gave him a birthday party or two but for the most part he was on his own

his secret favorite memory is flying a kite with his dad when he was 4 but u would be more likely to win the lottery than get him talking abt that

fast forward 5 years and finally julian’s dad, now in his late 20s and getting antsy, peaces the fuck out to los angeles to live his best party boy life. baby julian is very upset bc even tho his dad doesnt pay a lot of attention to him he like idolizes him. julian’s mom is saltier than EVER about having to take care of a kid but she doesn’t wanna go to LA ( especially for this asshole she doesn’t even like anymore ) and her parents won’t have anything to do with her or her illegitimate child so the NEXT 5 years are a lot of moving around from shitty apartment to shitty apartment and job to job by themselves. his dad would now and then send weird postcards and letters and pictures and stuff from cali so he had like a vague idea of the fact that his dad was living his own life somewhere that looked super wild, and when he was 11 years old he sent a letter back asking if he could come live with him. his dad contacts his mom, there’s a bunch of fighting, but in the end julian did indeed get to go live with his dad in los angeles, mostly bc his mom just didn’t give a fuck anymore and was lowkey like…u know what fine take him i can have my life back

obviously his dad does not know how to be a dad !!! he kind of thought of julian as his little like…..sidekick like he just thought having this 11 year old kid around was hilarious. so julian went to LA and was living with his dad and his dad’s friends in a relatively nice apartment but like it’s always filled with people doing drugs and having sex and it’s just. not child friendly at all. so that’s how julian was introduced to weed at the ripe young age of 11!!! from there on out he was like a big time weed and cigarette smoker, was very early having sex and trying other drugs, and by the time he graduated high school he was already hardcore doing coke

so julian like kind of wanted to go to college bc some part of him did crave normalcy, but he was way too far up his own ass to get his shit together for that !! plus like….he didn’t rly have good role models. so his first year after high school instead of getting on a good path for his future he decided living his best life would include moving into an apartment with his cokehead best friend. it was around that time that julian met his first boyfriend. he was already totally aware he was bi, had slept with boys in high school, but this was the first time he rly fell in love with a guy. he was like……….head! over! heels! for this boy. julian met him at a club and he was like sort of soft and relatively innocent until they started dating and julian got him smoking weed and then snorting coke

this next part is very triggering so please read with caution !! when he was 23, julian tried heroin for the first time. for about 6 months it gradually got really bad, his life started spiraling, and his bf was like….becoming unable to deal with it, especially bc while julian was getting worse his bf was kind of trying to move in the opposite direction and get off the coke and get his life back together. there was a lot of fighting, but his bf kept not actually making the move to end things bc he loved julian and was just like hoping something would turn around. one night, however, in a moment of weakness, he let julian talk him into trying heroin with him. it was kind of an “i promise i’ll get clean if u try it with me this one time” thing. being in and out of consciousness and not really aware of what was going on, he didn’t notice that his bf was overdosing and he ended up dying simply bc the heroin was too much for his body and he stopped breathing. julian didn’t notice until the morning when he woke up, and obviously that was by far the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to him and left some deep ass emotional scars

so following this, he actually did check himself into rehab. he was there for 3 months, got completely clean, but he only managed to stay that way for two weeks before he was first snorting heroin again and then back to shooting up and selling drugs

it was about 2 yrs later when he was 26 that he met his next bf while he was doing a deal at some seedy bar outside of town. they quickly fell into a completely unanticipated relationship–notably, julian’s first since his boyfriend’s death. in spite of that trauma and feeling guilty even as he did it, he started introducing this boyfriend to drugs. in his mind, it was kind of a thing where he fell in love really fast and really hard out of nowhere and he saw this sad little thing with no place to go and drugs are the only thing he’s ever known himself, so it was very natural to be like “here try this it helps” and also naively convincing himself he’d never let what happened before happen again

so 3 years later they’re living together and completely broke, living mostly off the money julian makes selling drugs and whatever else they can scrape up, when his bf decides he wants to do a road trip across the country. julian’s very impulsive, doesn’t really give a shit about anything in LA anyway, and to top it off has a hard time saying no to him. SO a road trip it is !! they make it all the way across the country before finally using up the last of their money and realizing they don’t have enough to get back

they stopped in north carolina for a while while julian saved up enough cash for them to at least get somewhere they liked better, which is how they wound up in baltimore !!

here their jeep completely broke down and julian sold it so that the money from that plus the money he made selling drugs they could put toward a deposit on an apartment

it’s in their heads to get back to la eventually, but baltimore is kind of their ~scene so julian’s in no hurry. he’s selling drugs again but they use a lot of what he’s supposed to sell so......they’re not going anywhere any time soon anyway ytseugukhej

PERSONALITY

so now that his lengthy as fuck background is over with………julian is an extremely EXTREMELY dry sarcastic person. the guilt over his bf has made him a hell of a lot worse, like his sense of humor is so so much darker than it was before that happened, but he’s honestly just a rly sarcastic person to begin with. he has some softness inside especially for people he rly cares abt, but you will not catch julian being sentimental or taking literally anything seriously unless you’ve managed to seriously worm your way into his heart

he’s not like a GRUMP tho at all he just….doesn’t take things seriously. he’s literally the embodiment of every bart simpson meme

“whatever my dude” is his aesthetic

he’s very careful about his drug dealing, he won’t go around talking about it or anything, he does it all under the radar as much as he can and especially having done it for so long now and having experienced a lot of traumatic crap, he’s pretty good at what he does and he won’t fuck with people he doesn’t trust

even when it’s warm it’s not totally unlikely to see him in long sleeves bc he has really bad track marks all over his arms from shooting up so much, especially in the early days when he was really bad at it

he absolutely will not talk about his past and if anything even close to it comes up in conversation he will skate right over that so qUICK ur head will spin

i think that’s IT FOR NOW if u made it this far i commend ur effort and attention span. im gna list some plots n stuff below ( beyond the song connections ) and hit me uP for some angst bc ya girl is here for the drama as usual

CONNECTION IDEAS

u can find song connections HERE

any and all drug related things !! people who buy from him ( especially weed, he’s a lot more lenient about to whom he sells weed as opposed to other stuff ), people he introduces to drugs, friends he actually does drugs with

he’s very dry and enigmatic but he’s also quite social so seriously give me friends for him. he’s high a LOT but not always and he likes being out doing stuff

definitely somebody or somebodies who don’t trust him and his drug addict bart simpson vibe please please give me people who don’t like him

along that same vein it takes a lot to get julian worked up and in fight mode bc he prefers to just let things roll off his shoulders but it would def be fun to have someone who gets him to that point

also somebody who?? maybe thinks they can “fix” him and genuinely does their best to try and persuade him to change his life and that it’s not too late to turn everything around ( this is basically the song connection medicine by daughter )

if ur muse is randomly from st louis missouri????? hit me up with a past connection from way back in julian’s childhood

also someone he went to high school with in LA if they’re from LA. this person would probably not be surprised at the way julian turned out ystefygdjhs

AND TL;DR BECAUSE THIS IS SO LONG

a drug addict and dealer who learned to take care of himself from an early age because of neglectful parents. got a boyfriend addicted to drugs and lost him to an overdose when he was in his early twenties, went to rehab, relapsed, met another bf years later with whom he decided to road trip across the country and got stuck in baltimore. dry, sarcastic, kind of a douche, epitome of every bart simpson meme, walking tragedy. 

[gabriel-solares-blog]

( he/him ) why the fuck would [ OSCAR ISAAC ] want to live in sunset court? oh – i guess that’s just [ GABRIEL SOLARES ], a [ THIRTY FIVE ] year old [ COMPUTER ENGINEERING MAJOR ] from [ CARLSBAD, CALIFORNIA ]. i’m pretty sure he’s been in los angeles for [EIGHT YEARS ] and in [ 4D ] for [ TWO YEARS ]. i heard he’s in los angeles because [ HE WORKED TO PUT HIS LITTLE SISTER THROUGH SCHOOL BEFORE STARTING HIS OWN MAJOR ] and that he’s been [ WORKING MULTIPLE JOBS ] so he can pay his rent while he’s chasing his dreams. pretty wild, right? anyways, i heard that he’s [ HUMOUROUS ] and [ CHARMING ], but can also be [ SARCASTIC ] and [ NON CONFRONTATIONAL ], so watch out. ( Mouse, CST,  She/Her )

Hello all my name is Mouse, and yes that is my ACTUAL NAME not an alias because my mom is a weirdo- my siblings’ names are Carlton and Joyanna though, so I figure I got off easy. I’m 24. I was a homeschooled jungle freak (if… you could Kansas as the jungle… which… you shouldn’t….) and thus I have no social skills to speak of, which is honestly preferable to living out in this shit state as a gay raised by gay moms. I just started college because I’m a trash child with anxiety and am currently living in a shitty apartment near campus with my wonderful girlfriend and our three chihuahua mutts. I like to do lame things like cross stitch and write poetry. (And yes I totally did just copy/paste this from Kiara’s intro post ayyooo)

This goober is Gabe and he’s a sweet bun of a man, dare I say the only straight man who has never disappointed me??? Perhaps. 

BACKSTORY

Gabriel Solares was born to childhood sweethearts Matias Solares and Gloria Perez. Both children of immigrants, they grew up in the same neighborhood, started dating in high school, and had Gabe shortly after graduating college. They were very happy, if a little codependent, and soon (how soon depends on who fills my wanted connection wink wink nudge nudge) they had a little girl whose name is up to player.

When Gabe was ten, his mother had a sudden brain aneurysm after dropping him and his sister off at school- and his father absolutely fell apart. He stopped taking care of himself or his children, started drinking, disappeared for days- even weeks- at a time, and it was largely left up to Gabe to take care of his sister. He knew that if the school were to find out how his father was neglecting them they’d be taken away and more than likely separated, so he did all he could to attempt to make sure that no one knew. He learned through trial and error how to do laundry, scrounged for change to buy sandwich materials when his dad failed to buy groceries, and when there was no change to find, he stole food or went hungry in order to keep him and his sister fed. He has a vivid memory of feeding his little sister canned vegetables for dinner because there was nothing else to eat, ignoring the growling in his own stomach by reminding himself he would be able to eat breakfast at school. 

In the end, people started noticing little details that clued them in. Child Protective Services showed up on his father’s doorstep a year and a half after his mother died and and instead of getting his act together, Matias relinquished his parental rights to the state. Gabe and his sister were placed in foster care and over the next six years lived in over twenty foster and group homes- facing a variety of abuses. They stayed together most of the time once their case worker figured out that putting them in separate placements largely lead to both of them running away and living on the streets until local law enforcement managed to catch up with them, normally somewhere around a week or two later.

Anyone who had to deal with Gabe quickly realized that he wasn’t a bad kid. He was intelligent, witty, and generous- quick to crack a joke to diffuse a tense situation or offer a helping hand. His schoolwork was always beyond reproach, and while he resented being made to help with anything, if left to his own devices he would normally offer to take over household chores. However, he was extremely protective of his sister and his possessions and wasn’t afraid to become physical in defense of either. He ended up in a group home for troubled boys for fighting with other foster children, and at sixteen Gabe found himself in handcuffs after a foster father hit his sister hard enough to warrant stitches and he put himself in between both of them and punched the other man.

He finished school early a year later and applied for emancipation, filing for custody of his sister and working multiple jobs to pay their rent. To Gabe, it felt like the first time he was able to take a full breath since their parents died- finally he didn’t have to worry about where they’d be shipped off next, or if they were going to decide to separate them again tomorrow. He should have been able to relax, but found it wasn’t quite in his nature. He’d spent so much of his childhood worrying about him and his sister, it wasn’t something he could turn off- but now at least he had a little time to spend on himself and his own interests- starting several side businesses in addition to his multiple day jobs ranging from teaching guitar, computer repair, yard work, and dog walking and training. When his sister graduated high school, they moved to L.A in order to be close to her college choice, and he continued on as he had been, only now he gave all his spare money to her to help pay for school. I imagine they argued long and hard about her going to school before he did, but Gabe would have been insistent. 

After she graduated, they found Sunset Court- which was significantly cheaper and nicer than their current apartment and moved in a few weeks before Gabe’s classes started. He had a lot of misgivings going to school so late in the game, and I imagine that sometimes he’s very self conscious about being the ‘old man on campus’, but he wants to finally be able to relax and enjoy his life a little more- something he can’t do when he’s constantly scrounging for money. 

PERSONALITY

THIS BOY IS A G O O F. I mean seriously, he’s like if Eric Foreman, John Dorian, and Jesse from Pitch Perfect had a love child. Awkward humor af, constant finger guns, being so charmingly annoying you can’t even deal with him. 

On the one side of things Gabe is a very intense, hardworking person. He truly gets antsy when there’s nothing for him to do, and he’s prone to finding something when that happens. (It’s normally something very nerdy and/or unneeded home improvement, tbh.) He has a lot of trauma from his childhood, and while he jokes about it often it’s only something he’s really just now starting to acknowledge. He’s SO INTENSE about money and finances, his monthly budget is something of legend and he’s the kind of person who will loan you money if he can, but don’t expect him to ever forget about it. His space is very much HIS and he cannot deal with anyone upsetting anything in his room, and he hates clutter in the main area- though he’s normally too tired or worn out to worry about it enough to clean it. 

On the other hand he’s very much a laid back boy next door type. He plays video games, collects guitars, sings ridiculous made up songs to himself while he works, and shakes his butt to Cardi B songs while he makes cereal. Just a goofy goober through and through honestly, and I can’t wait to see how he interacts with other characters here.

PLOT IDEAS

Your character hears Gabe singing and playing guitar on the balcony and either comes out to listen or tell him to quiet tf down

Your character was a foster kid around the same time Gabe and his sister was and they maybe lived in the same house for a little

Gabe repairs your character’s computer/walks their dog/teaches them guitar/etc and they become friends

Gabe falls asleep somewhere weird because he’s a little overworked narcoleptic and your character happens upon him like ???? (ngl every time I play Gabe I cruelly throw him in weird situations by having him fall asleep somewhere weird and wake up to something odd happening around him lmaooooooo)

Or if you have an idea, hit me up! I’m hype to get started!!!

[valkerymillenia]

I ask all 50!!! Fill us with fun facts about you!

Holy shit, again?! I’m not that interesting, you know?But ok, I’ll try, I’ve already answered some though.

1: What color are your socks?

Answered.

2: Have you ever lied about your age? Why?

Answered already!

3: What is something you regret in the past month?

So much wasted time…

4: Do you believe in love at first sight?

I’ve answered this before- no, I believe in attraction at first sight; love, however, needs to be earned, grown and nourished.

5: When was the last time you wrote someone a letter on paper?

Do notes to translate conversations into paper for my deaf dad count? If so, then today.If you mean real letters… I honestly don’t remember.

6: How old were you when you first learned how to ride a bike? Who taught you?

Answered!

7: Do you get along with your parents? Why or why not?

Oh my gods, this is such a loaded question…Ok, I’ll try to keep it simple. Who am I kidding? That’s not possible.

Mom- ok so my mom is denial of any form of mental illness but she clearly has manic depression and war PTSD since forever. So as a result my mom has always been a bit aloof, irresponsible, neglectful, super permissive, a sneaky opportunist and a slightly childish and impulsive. Never thinks ahead, just goes nuts on the moment or spends too much time asleep (no in between).So my mom wasn’t the best mother in the world, she was a great caregiving and spoiling mother when we were babies but as soon as we gained minimal independence (aka around 5 years old) she just slacked off on the motherhood department. She’s not very bad, she’s just irresponsible and opportunistic and won’t interfere if we need help which doesn’t suit a mother but she’s a great person so she makes a very good friend (as long as you set boundaries and basic duties), she’s funny and sweet and a bit geeky, she’s also beautiful and used to be a model before I was born so she’s that fashion and beauty oriented friend (if fact she’s a certified beautician and taught me all she knows).So… Complicated relationship, lots of love but not the best mom (can’t blame her, grandma was a bitch).

Dad- I love him, he raised me, but I was also his main caregiver since I was 10 since he’s deaf and crippled. He’s a funny and permissive dad (except when he had explosive bouts of rage but that was a phase…a traumatic and slightly violent phase around the divorce time but short), he tried to be a provider and friend with shared interests with me. BUT he was also quite neglectful, being deaf made him very introverted, paranoid and isolated so he just let me run wild (I didn’t, I was taking care of the house and school instead) while he was cooped up playing pc games. We have that friendly daddy’s girl relationship but we both lack trust, we keep our more important thoughts to ourselves and I’m always afraid that as a deaf person he’ll misunderstand important things or judge me for whatever (and he’s always also feeling judged) so our relationship often feels shallow, he’s also the type in denial about people’s mental illness.

Biological father- Fucking complicated. As a little child he babysat me and was our neighbor so I was always hanging out and getting candy, he was also the person that cherished me the most to take hundreds of photos of me. I moved at age 5 so after that we only communicated through my grandma when she traveled between countries, he’d send me presents and worry about me. I only found out he was my progenitor when I was 10 and it took me years to accept it. Saw him again when I was 18, in fact it was like shock therapy- I spent a whole month living with him as I visited my hometown again. He likes to spoil me as much as he can and he’s very kind but also naive and stubborn and not the type that likes to talk about feelings or important things so talks between us are extremely awkward chitchat.

Stepdad- Terrible relationship. He’s the kind of person that is a caregiver for us all out of duty but then uses that to emotionally manipulate everyone. He’s small minded, old fashioned and selfish and blames everyone for his problems, he also seems to have a personal thing against me- pretty sure he doesn’t hate me but I’m his natural verbal punching bag, anything I say or do in front of him, no matter how innocent, even standing still for a moment or asking to pass the juice at dinner, he twists everything into insults and psychological abuse. Luckily my sister is his baby so she escapes his judgement but he wasn’t that much of a present parent to her either and let her run wild a lot (I’m so glad I could turn that around and teach her to be way more responsible than her parents). The only reason I don’t totally hate him is because he gave me sister, who I love most in the world.

8: What’s your favorite season?

Answered!

9: Do you currently like someone?

Yup, also answered before.

10: Have you ever used an Ouija board?

I know how but I never used it, as a Wiccan my preferred specialty for spiritual communing was pendulum scrying.

11: What’s the last song you sang?

“Havanna” by Camilla Cabello has been stuck in my head for weeks.

12: What’s your favorite scent?

Telling me to choose just one fav of anything is hard af… But here are some favs.

Fresh peppermint, lavender, petrichor, burnt eucalyptus, baby powder, sea water, freshly baked bread, and oddly enough- gasoline.

13: What’s your favorite urban legend?

Can’t choose favs but off the top of my head… La Llorona.

14: What’s a bad habit that you have?

Procrastinating.

15: What’s a strange habit that you have?

All my odd stims and ocd rituals.

16: What’s the first instrument that you learned to play?

Answered.

17: How would you describe your ‘type?’

Already answered in the previous ask meme.

18: Would you rather stay in or go out?

Both, when I go out I make it special and try to make the most of it because it’s rare… But I guess I do prefer the safety and routine of staying home.

19: What was the last thing you said to your mom?

“Never going to see what you borrowed from dad again, am I? This is why people don’t trust you, you never keep your promises…

Well, whatever! How are the stitches? You’re better, right?

Ok, put my sister on. Kisses, bye.”

20: Do you want to get married someday?

Already answered in the previous asked meme.

21: Have you ever snuck out?

Not that I needed to with my kind of parents but yeah, a couple of times.

22: Can you sing well?

I love to sing but whether I’m good or not is up to the listener, I can post a song sample if anyone wants.

23: What’s an embarrassing thing that happened this week?

Other than grovelling desperatly for help?

24: When was the last time you went sledding?

Never?

25: Have you ever/do you liked someone you know you can never be with?

Yeah.

26: Do people often mispronounce your name?

Yes! If you’re not a Portuguese speaker, I DARE you to pronounce my surname. Go ahead- Coelho.

27: Would you like to live in another country?

I do miss my home country, South Africa holds my heart… and I’ve dreamed of a stint in Japan. But all in all, I like this country, it’s…interesting, safe.

28: Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows?

Not really, they tend to be too over the top and stereotypical. 

29: Who was the last person you said you loved to?

Boyfriend.

30: What’s something you’d like to be better at?

Follow through.

31: Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad?

Very often, Some right here on tumblr.

32: What was the last thing you cooked?

Chili con carne. Been eating leftovers of it for a whole week now.

33: Do you think you would make a good parent?

Answered already.

34: Do you have trouble sleeping at night?

Answered!

35: Where is your best friend right now?

Given the day and time, my sister is probably at dance practice now.

36: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

Depends if I’m making an effort (an hour) or if I’m just being casual (20min).

37: How late do you usually stay up at night?

Answered.

38: When was the last time you cried and why?

I don’t know… 

39: Have you ever won a contest?

Yes, started this year by winning a Justice League pop contest. But that was more of a giveaway... Actual contest? I won a couple b of art contests before but nothing big.

40: Can you draw well?

I have art posted here so you tell me.

41: Would you ever date someone you met on Tumblr/the internet?

Sure. I already do.

42: What was the last thing you ate?

….Bread.

43: Do you think you’re/you’d make a good boyfriend/girlfriend?

I sure hope so, I try my best… But to be honest I don’t think I’m a very good partner.

44: Have you ever had a near-death experience?

About 6 actually.

45: What do you think people think of you?

I don’t know… I’ve been told I make people feel comfortable and I’m easy to open up to? But to be honest I don’t really know.

46: What is your middle name and do you like it?

Augusto. My mom’s maiden name, because that’s how it works here (Name+ maybe 2nd name + mom’s surname + dad’s surname). 

Yes, I like it, it’s latin. But people sometimes mix it up with my paternal grandma’s first name.

47: Are you close with either of your parents?

In my own way, yes. Both mom and dad.

48: Do you like yourself?

Some days…

49: State five facts about your appearance –

-I get a lot of comments on my boobs and I really don’t mind

-I look pale because I stay inside a lot but I tan very easily, probably because my mom is dark

-I love my tattoos, I’m proud of them

-I wear glasses or contacts in important occasions 

-I have the worst time looking people in the eye

50: State five facts about your personality –

-I’m patient but full of anxiety

-I don’t have just one personality

-I try to be as unbiased and non-judgmental as possible

-I’m obsessive about random things

-I like solitude but I also like interacting (though the more non-physical the better)