#also it's moreso the fact that i can understand french but i have a hard time jumbling together all the words in order for it to make sense

[lab-rat-guy]

okay i just have to make it through tomorrow and then it's all going to be fine for like two weeks maybe hopefully

[dearmagenta]

the idea of worldwide smp is good if its not under dream's hand but im genuenly scared for qsmp if they are going to throw a bunch of random cc's it would be bad. It also wouldnt be good if there's would be a lot of languages. Like. Personally im trying to learn spanish to keep up on things for now and im even not a good kind of english guy, i just can understand a lot since ive been around english community um. 7 years? Imagine how overwhelming would be literally all the plot around? Did i saw japan in the list wait? What if some of the kyrillic languages would be there? I know some of you would fire up already on that. Guys- guys. Worldwide its all good but lets be clear it could actually be burn off the land since a lot of people would try to learn all the laguages and then go away because its impossible or really hard to learn meltiple languages at the same time. I guess the usmp was the actual reason the shit got boiled but its becoming too much. I want to start watching some of the spanish cc to understand things, if theres would be also -for example- french cc's it would be another language i have to learn to understand things and a bunch of other cc's i would want to understand but would be unable. I would have to choose between two languages and choose spanish of course because rn i know it kinda little bit better than french but the fact that i would try to learn a little bit more to understand there's also something else i should also learn to understand things actually makes me sad. Moreso we need to understand that translators are not always correct and some languages are hard to translate. It Would Be A Mess. The worldwide server good for the idea of worldwide server, a place where players are actual anons\people who wants to meet new people around the world and vibe, not public smp who watches over million people out of their homes and tries to learn at least one language for the start time with an actual plot. Do you want to see the duck surrounded by those subs as that girl from meme on couch???? In other words: too much languages for smp overwhelming. I think they should stop at Brazilian and then stop for now. Maybe they could crush smp on seasons? Like for now its english-spanish-brazil but after season one its english-french-german?

[consumeconstantly]

Who Are You (and what will you become?)

1(you are here)| 2 | 3 | 4

Summary: “Over the years, I have found that blood means very little.” 

The ice clicks against the glass almost inaudibly, condensation dripping down the side. 

“So tell me, M. Wayne, why do you think I should even begin to consider you my father?” (all biodad bruce can be read as stand alone but are posted in chronological order)

__________________________________________________

At the tender age of nineteen, Marinette Dupain-Cheng has already become a jaded woman. It doesn’t shine through very often, hidden behind a carefully crafted facade of Parisian-brand carefree attractiveness and pigtailed youthfulness, but there exists, in Marinette, a certain bitterness.

“For a vigilante, you’re not very secretive,” Marinette remarks, keeping her tone measured, almost playful, so as not to draw attention to herself. 

“Marinette.” Bruce inclines his head and allows the bartender to serve him a whiskey sour. He doesn’t drink alcohol because it alters his mental state in ways that are unpleasant, but ordering a drink helps him fit in, and with Marinette, the person he wants to talk to, right at his side, he can’t have his normal ginger ale substitute. “It’s good to see you.”

“Mmm.” She takes a sip of her French 75, playing up an interest that Bruce knows is a lie. “M. Wayne, you say that as though we’re familiar with each other.”

“Sabine and I were close,” he says. 

Sabine is one of the few people who knew about his existence as Batman that didn’t live in Gotham. Many years ago, they were friends. Colleagues. (More.) Of course she told her daughter about who he was. How could she not have? 

Sabine is-- she was--

“Close, you call it,” she says with mock awe, words slurring together. “Closer than close, really. Too close for comfort— at least, too close for you.”

When Bruce and Sabine’s paths crossed all those years ago, he was struggling trying to raise Dick. Sabine was equal parts a mother and a mentor to Dick in all the ways that Bruce couldn’t be. When she left for Paris so abruptly after the two of them parted ways, Dick didn’t take it very well. Even moreso when communications halted permanently. The fact that the radio silence coincided with Marinette’s birth is something only Bruce is privy to.

However awkwardly he and Sabine left off, it doesn’t change the facts. Bruce’s lips thin. “I’m here to offer you a home.”

Swirling her French, Marinette taps at her phone, swiping away at a few messages that she’s not interested in. “I’m nineteen and more than capable of taking care of myself. Though I suppose it stands to reason that it would be difficult for you to know that, what with how busy your extracurriculars keep you.”

“I’m not doubting your capabilities.” He’s looked into what Marinette has been up to over the past nineteen years of her life. He’s never been particularly concerned with her upbringing, not with a woman like Sabine at the helm of her childhood. Bruce was right not to be worried; Marinette has grown into a multi talented, extremely well connected entrepreneur based on her own hard work. Judging by the crowd that she runs with and the multiple charities that she supports both financially and with her own time, she will be a force to be reckoned with in a few years; Tim regularly extols the virtues of the brand MDC, and if he knew that he was sisters with the designer, he’d never stop raving about her. MDC is already being compared to the likes of Dior and Gabriel when they were first starting out. Her finances aren’t anything to scoff at, and at a few galas and charity parties that he’s had to entertain, anyone who's had the privilege to wear an MDC original talks about how sweet and kind the head designer is while complimenting the CEO’s business savvy.

Bruce has to admit that he’s impressed by how she manages to keep her identities separate. No one suspects the head designer to also be manning publicity and business. 

He’s been watching her for the past day, and he has to say, for somebody whose parents just died, she carries herself with remarkable ease. If not for the red around her eyes and line of shots on the bartop, Bruce would believe that Tom and Sabine’s death didn’t phase her at all. 

“There’s a but, isn’t there?” Marinette says bitterly.

She’s right in that assumption. As skillful as Marinette is in her field, she has no practical combat experience. A brief stint in fencing and martial arts but nothing beyond that. Even if she practiced martial arts for years, that wouldn’t be enough to convince Bruce to let her go off on her own. Martial arts as a hobby is an entirely different game than fighting for one’s life. 

Marinette is simply not the kind of person who can face down a League member and come out of it alive. 

“It’s for your safety.”

For the first time since entering the bar, Bruce sees a flash of true emotion cross Marinette’s eyes. It’s hard to see the color of her eyes in the dim lighting, but it’s impossible not to see Sabine in how her eyes narrow. Perhaps the dim lighting makes it easier to; in the light of day, Marinette’s eye color— it’s too similar to the shade he sees in the mirror. 

“My safety? What about my parent’s safety?” 

At that, Bruce internally cringes while keeping his face carefully blank. Tom and Sabine… their end wasn’t pretty. Not the most gruesome deaths he’s ever seen, but it was up there. Bruce never thought the League would do something as cruel as desecrating the corpses of the people they murdered. They may be assassins for hire, but most times, they do have some sort of morals. 

The worst part about it is that their death is most likely a result of Sabine’s past relationship with him. Last month, a tabloid that drew comparisons between Marinette and Bruce. It didn’t take long for another person to dredge up pictures from when he was still with Sabine. Tom and Sabine didn’t have enemies well-off enough to hire the League. But Bruce? Bruce did. 

“I’m not interested in any protection you have to offer me.” Marinette shakes her head. “Don’t worry. I’m not like you. I won’t become a vigilante out of rage or as a coping mechanism. I’m not going to go chasing after the League in a foolish pursuit of misguided justice.”

But Marinette doesn’t understand. She has a target on her back with her newfound association to him.  

“I haven’t been active in your life--”

“Understatement of the year,” Marinette mutters.

“--but I’m not going to let you die when I can prevent it.”

Downing the rest of her French, she takes the Moscow Mule away from Bruce’s hands, eyeing the liquor up on display. She drinks the cold alcohol and revels in the burn that slides down her throat. Marinette swipes on one of the notifications she’s received on her phone in order to respond to it. “You’re a good man, Bruce. But your desire to protect me— what does it stem from? What do we have in common? Why would you use your time and effort on what’s essentially a stranger?”

Bruce has no good answer for this, but he has an obvious one. As soon as it leaves his tongue, it feels wrong. “We share the same blood.”

He can’t bring himself to call Marinette his daughter. That means that he would be her father and he’s not deserving of that title.

Marinette pockets her phone, eyes trained on a set of unusually shaped glasses on the shelves. “If that’s your answer, M. Wayne, let me tell you something. Over the years, I have found that blood means very little.” 

The bartender comes around and tops off the whiskey sour. The ice clicks against the glass almost inaudibly, condensation dripping down the side. Bruce can’t tell whether the bartender knows Marinette or not, but he certainly looks concerned enough to, with how his eyes shift between Marinette and himself rapid fire. When the bartender’s gaze settles on Bruce, mouth turned downward, clearly suspicious of his presence, Marinette just waves him off with a gentle smile. 

Her smile turns up the same way Tom’s did. She’s right; family is more than blood. 

“Your answer to why you want to protect me is that we share blood, but you speak nothing of our relationship. Shouldn’t that have been the first thing you brought up?”

Bruce shifts uncomfortably on the bar stool. Marinette just laughs at his apparent awkwardness. “Talking of blood relations seems to be something you don’t enjoy, and yet the entire premise of your protection rests on it. Tell me, M. Wayne, do you think I should even begin to consider you my father?”

Even as inebriated as Marinette must be, she brings up points that he himself wondered on his way to Paris. Wanting to see Marinette safe goes beyond a simple duty to morality and virtue. Though Bruce is known for adopting kids with tragic backstories, it simply isn’t feasible to adopt every single one he comes across. To bring Marinette into his family at this age, to expose her to the life he lives would be beyond cruel. In essence he’d be replacing two parents with a ticking time bomb: himself. 

“Don’t consider me a parent, just a guardian. It’s in my best interest to see you safe, and the best way to do that is to have you move to Gotham, where my colleagues and I can assure you around the clock protection.”

At first, he distanced himself from Sabine and Marinette because he didn’t want to disrupt her current relationship with Tom. Even if the two of them insisted that he could still be part of Marinette’s life, it just didn’t feel right to have the title of father when he wasn’t the one to put in any of the hard work. Then, as Tom and Sabine grew more comfortable in their life together, settled down and opened up a bakery, he was blindsided by Jason’s death. As his daughter grew older and older, there were just too many things in his own life for him to ever hope to kindle a relationship with Marinette.

Marinette laughs, but it’s really more of a bark. Her voice is too hoarse for it to come out any other way. Bruce can’t imagine how much she’s cried this past week. “If you wanted to keep me safe, where were you a week ago? Where were you two years ago? Where were you when I was thirteen? M. Wayne, I’ve heard a lot of rumors about you throughout the years, and I’ve always brushed them off as nothing more than tabloid gossip. But perhaps they got one thing right about you: you’re a liar.”

Marinette stands, swaying slightly.

“This— if you truly want me to uproot my life, I need more than you saying it’s in your best interest. I need—” Marinette reaches up to her earrings and allows her eyes to flutter shut. She needs more than a distant guardian. She needs someone to confide in. Someone she trusts. “It was nice meeting you, but I don’t need your pity. Not now.”

As she weaves through the crowd, Bruce can’t help but wonder whether he made the right decision all those years ago to not be apart of her life.

@biodad-bruce-month

Late to the game as always. This will be a multichapter fic but all parts can be read as one shots (and also as always anything posted to tumblr is never checked for accuracy and stuff so whoop)! They’ll be released in chronological order. If you want to get tagged in all things maribat, instead of commenting it under a fic, I’d appreciate an ask or a dm instead! I haven’t been able to go back through all the previous comments and create a taglist yet but perhaps. eventually. 

[gffa]

I genuinely love the mythology of Star Wars and some of the core foundations of it, especially when George Lucas talks about the nature of the dark side and the light side of the Force, the duality and choice that is within all of us.  But one of my other favorite talks he gave is the duality of pleasure vs joy:      “Happiness is pleasure and happiness is joy. It can be either one, you add them up and it can be the uber category of happiness.      “Pleasure is short lived. It lasts an hour, it lasts a minute, it lasts a month. It peaks and then it goes down–it peaks very high, but the next time you want to get that same peak you have to do it twice as much. It’s like drugs, you have to keep doing it because it insulates itself. No matter what it is, whether you’re shopping or you’re engaged in any other kind of pleasure. It all has the same quality about it.      “On the other hand is joy and joy is the thing that doesn’t go as high as pleasure, in terms of your emotional reaction. But it stays with you. Joy is something you can recall, pleasure you can’t.  So the secret is that, even though it’s not as intense as pleasure, the joy will last you a lot longer.      “People who get the pleasure they keep saying, ‘Well, if I can just get richer and get more cars–!’ You’ll never relive the moment you got your first car, that’s it, that’s the highest peak. Yes, you could get three Ferraris and a new gulf stream jet and maybe you’ll get close. But you have to keep going and eventually you’ll run out.  You just can’t do it, it doesn’t work.      “If you’re trying to sustain that level of peak pleasure, you’re doomed. It’s a very American idea, but it just can’t happen. You just let it go. Peak.  Break. Pleasure is fun it’s great, but you can’t keep it going forever.      “Just accept the fact that it’s here and it’s gone, and maybe again it’ll come back and you’ll get to do it again. Joy lasts forever. Pleasure is purely self-centered. It’s all about your pleasure, it’s about you. It’s a selfish self-centered emotion, that’s created by self-centered motive of greed.      “Joy is compassion, joy is giving yourself to somebody else or something else. And it’s the kind of thing that is in it’s subtlty and lowness more powerful than pleasure.  If you get hung up on pleasure you’re doomed. If you pursue joy you will find everlasting happiness.”  --George Lucas You can see how this influences the foundations of the light side and the dark side, which at its core is about selflessness vs selfishness, about compassion vs greed, in that it’s about the pursuit of joy rather than pleasure.  It’s not that you can never experience pleasure, but you can’t get hung up on it, because pleasure is not sustainable long-term, only joy is. And that always strikes me whenever I pick up The Hijacking of the American Mind by Robert Lustig, MD, MSL a book about how corporations have specifically targeted our joy centers to make us so focused on reward--at the expense of content--through various means, which includes this as one of the foundations you need to understand: “At this point it’s essential to define and clarify what I mean by these two words—pleasure and happiness—which can mean different things to different people. “Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines “pleasure” as “enjoyment or satisfaction derived from what is to one’s liking”; or “gratification”; or “reward.” While “pleasure” has a multitude of synonyms, it is this phenomenon of reward that we will explore, as scientists have elaborated a specific “reward pathway” in the brain, and we now understand the neuroscience of its regulation. Conversely, “happiness” is defined as “the quality or state of being happy”; or “joy”; or “contentment.” While there are many synonyms for “happiness,” it is the phenomenon that Aristotle originally referred to as eudemonia, or the internal experience of contentment, that we will parse in this book. Contentment is the lowest baseline level of happiness, the state in which it’s not necessary to seek more. In the movie Lovers and Other Strangers (1970), middle-aged married couple Beatrice Arthur and Richard Castellano were asked the question “Are you happy?”—to which they responded, “Happy? Who’s happy? We’re content.” Scientists now understand that there is a specific “contentment pathway” that is completely separate from the pleasure or reward pathway in the brain and under completely different regulation. Pleasure (reward) is the emotional state where your brain says, This feels good—I want more, while happiness (contentment) is the emotional state where your brain says, This feels good—I don’t want or need any more. “Reward and contentment are both positive emotions, highly valued by humans, and both reasons for initiative and personal betterment. It’s hard to be happy if you derive no pleasure for your efforts—but this is exactly what is seen in the various forms of addiction. Conversely, if you are perennially discontent, as is so often seen in patients with clinical depression, you may lose the impetus to better your social position in life, and it’s virtually impossible to derive reward for your efforts. Reward and contentment rely on the presence of the other. Nonetheless, they are decidedly different phenomena. Yet both have been slowly and mysteriously vanishing from our global ethos as the prevalence of addiction and depression continues to climb. “Drumroll . . . without further ado, behold the seven differences between reward and contentment:

Reward is short-lived (about an hour, like a good meal). Get it, experience it, and get over it. Why do you think you can’t remember what you ate for dinner yesterday? Conversely, contentment lasts much longer (weeks to months to years). It’s what happens when you have a working marriage or watch your teenager graduate from high school. And if you experience contentment from a sense of achievement or purpose, the chances are that you will feel it for a long time to come, perhaps even the rest of your life.

Reward is visceral in terms of excitement (e.g., a casino, a football game, or a strip club). It activates the body’s fight-or-flight system, which causes blood pressure and heart rate to go up. Conversely, contentment is ethereal and calming (e.g., listening to soothing music or watching the waves of the ocean). It makes your heart rate slow and your blood pressure decline.

Reward can be achieved with different substances (e.g., heroin, nicotine, cocaine, caffeine, alcohol, and of course sugar). Each stimulates the reward center of the brain. Some are legal, some are not. Conversely, contentment is not achievable with substance use. Rather, contentment is usually achieved with deeds (like graduating from college or having a child who can navigate his or her own path in life).

Reward occurs with the process of taking (like from a casino). Gambling is definitely a high: when you win, it is fundamentally rewarding, both viscerally and economically. But go back to the same table the next day. Maybe you’ll feel a jolt of excitement to try again. But there’s no glow, no lasting feeling from the night before. Or go buy a nice dress at Macy’s. Then try it on again a month later. Does it generate the same enthusiasm? Conversely, contentment is often generated through giving (like giving money to a charity, or giving your time to your child, or devoting time and energy to a worthwhile project).

Reward is yours and yours alone. Your sense of reward does not immediately impact anyone else. Conversely, your contentment, or lack of it, often impacts other people directly and can impact society at large. Those who are extremely unhappy (the Columbine shooters) can take their unhappiness out on others. It should be said at this point that pleasure and happiness are by no means mutually exclusive. A dinner at the Bay Area Michelin three-star restaurant the French Laundry can likely generate simultaneous pleasure for you from the stellar food and wine but can also generate contentment from the shared experience with spouse, family, or friends, and then possibly a bit of unhappiness when the bill arrives.

Reward when unchecked can lead us into misery, like addiction. Too much substance use (food, drugs, nicotine, alcohol) or compulsive behaviors (gambling, shopping, surfing the internet, sex) will overload the reward pathway and lead not just to dejection, destitution, and disease but not uncommonly death as well. Conversely, walking in the woods or playing with your grandchildren or pets (as long as you don’t have to clean up after them) could bring contentment and keep you from being miserable in the first place.

Last and most important, reward is driven by dopamine, and contentment by serotonin. Each is a neurotransmitter—a biochemical manufactured in the brain that drives feelings and emotions—but the two couldn’t be more different. Although dopamine and serotonin drive separate brain processes, it is where they overlap and how they influence each other that generates the action in this story. Two separate chemicals, two separate brain pathways, two separate regulatory schemes, and two separate physiological and psychological outcomes. How and where these two chemicals work, and how they work either in concert or in opposition to each other, is the holy grail in the ultimate quest for both pleasure and happiness.”

                                -- Robert Lustig, MD, MSL This is further reflected in what Dave Filoni says about the dark side:      "In the end, it’s about fundamentally becoming selfless moreso than selfish.  It seems so simple, but it’s so hard to do.  And when you’re tempted by the dark side, you don’t overcome it once in life and then you’re good.  It’s a constant.  And that’s what, really, Star Wars is about and what I think George wanted people to know.  That to be a good person and to really feel better about your life and experience life fully you have to let go of everything you fear to lose. Because then you can’t be controlled.         “But when you fear, fear is the path to the dark side, it’s also the shadow of greed, because greed makes you covet things, greed makes you surround yourself with all these things that make you feel comfortable in the moment, but they don’t really make you happy.  And then, when you’re afraid of something, it makes you angry, when you get angry, you start to hate something, sometimes you don’t even know why.  When you hate, do you often know why you hate?  No, you direct it at things and then you hate it.  And it’s hard because anger can be a strength at times, but you can’t use it in such a selfish way, it can be a destroyer then.         “These are the core things of Star Wars.“  --Dave Filoni As well as one of my favorite essays from Star Wars Psychology: Dark Side of the Mind, Faith and the Force where that duality is once again touched on:      “People with an extrinsic religious orientation, that is, those who participate as a self-serving way to gain social rewards, like meeting people or obeying their parents (extrinsic motivation), express more prejudice. They hate more. Extrinsically motivated, the Sith use the power of the Force to benefit themselves and manipulate or hurt others.      To people with intrinsic religious orientation, on the other hand, spirituality itself is part of their self-concept and their religion’s teachings give them guidance in life. They value religion for its own sake (intrinsic motivation). Intrinsically religious individuals show less prejudice and less self-serving biases, at least when their religious teachings encourage tolerance and do not directly promote discrimination. Just as Jedi get in tune with the Force, those who are intrinsically spiritual come to appreciate the great variety of life and endeavor to serve others.” -- Dr. Clay Routledge Ph.D All of this paints a fascinating picture to look at the way people work and how the mythology of Star Wars works, how the dark side isn’t just the occasional moment of pleasure or moment of anger, but about the embracing of it, the refusal to turn back from those things that can destroy you.  If you try to sustain pleasure at a constant, it just won’t work, you’ll be sending yourself into this really awful cycle. That’s why the Jedi teach that the dark side is part of all of them (which is one of their foundations, because Qui-Gon says that they taught all that in the creche during Master and Apprentice) and it’s to be guarded against, that’s why they teach that you don’t suppress your emotions, you control them before they control you, that’s why it’s so easy to find moments of them being angry (Obi-Wan during the fight with Maul, when Anakin nearly shirks his duty at the end of AOTC, on Mustafar, when Maul kills Satine, when Yoda confronts Sidious he’s clearly angry as well, when Mace fights Sidious he’s going through a riot of feelings, his ENTIRE COMIC, Jedi of the Republic, is about him coming to terms with his anger and controlling it before it controls him, even Anakin’s constant anger issues never get a “you’re not allowed to feel that”, but a “you need to get a grip” when it starts becoming dangerous) because those things can lead to the dark side, but it’s never been that you’re supposed to be inhuman.  You just gotta watch it and find balance within yourself.  Even Yoda specifically says it himself, it’s a lifelong challenge not to bend fear into anger. These dualities within ourselves and how we discipline ourselves against those things that, should we embrace them, are at the core of Star Wars and this is why they can be so incredibly meaningful.

[pcygoldenchild]

Love Me Right 2

⛓summary: You’re in your senior year of high school. But you oh so unfortunately had to move away. Which meant you would be spending your last year of high school at a new school. Luckily you’ve done some research on this school and from what you’ve heard, you’d be in for an interesting year.

⛓warnings: NSFW, adult themes (does not pertain to this part)

February 11th

Senior year is a lot more unfulfilling than you thought it would be. At least for you, you don’t have to try much. Academics have always been your strong suit so your mind wasn’t always preoccupied with work and studying. Which is a good thing because a lot of your time was now taken up by avoiding a certain group of assholes. It was really just a lack of space. You were in the same school, some of the same classes, the same cafeteria and food court. The same neighborhood and anywhere you went you felt like you were cursed to see at least one of them. By one of them, you mean out of the 9. Yes there were 9; all on the football team and all were annoyingly close. So most likely if you saw one, you saw all of them. But all of them weren’t assholes, just when they were all together, things got real...weird.

The three oldest of the group, Minseok, Junmyeon and Yixing, were incredibly sweet. Not to mention also very attractive but that just made them even more of a radar to avoid. There were two really quiet ones; but even though they were quiet and more reserved, you knew they’d stare at your ass. Those two were Jongin and Kyungsoo, also very attractive but a lot more mysterious. Then a cheery loud one who even in the first time you met him, was already super comfortable with you. Jongdae, the curvy smiled boy, was a pocket of laughter but a real loud mouth who didn’t filter his thoughts about you. And last but not least, your best friends, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Sehun. These were the ring leaders so to say. It didn’t matter if they were alone or with their team, they were assholes. And maybe you were being harsh. What qualified them to be assholes? Well a couple things.

After your awkward encounter in Romantic Universe Diner, you didn’t want anything to do with them. They turned you off from their actions alone and that was enough to keep your distance. Except, they didn’t respect that decision and felt that there should be a vote among the four of you. A vote. You don’t think they know how democracy works because this vote wasn’t fair at all; they’d win.

“All in favor of not associating with Moe in any way, say I.” Chanyeol proposed. You four were at your locker. They bombarded you and made a shield so you couldn’t walk away because they got used to your escape tactics. His hair was platinum silver now. Looked good on him. Not the point.

“I.” you deadpanned turning around to face them. But of course you were the only one to vote in favor.

“Three against one. You’re shit out of luck.” Baekhyun said taking your books. Sehun closed your locker and they dragged you to walk to the bleachers next to the field. It was after school and they had practice. No way were you watching that.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“Bringing you to watch us practice for the big game tomorrow.” Sehun said behind you. Oh yeah, there was a Valentine’s Day game that everyone was basically obligated to go to. But not you. No thanks.

“And why on earth would I do that?” you said stopping making Baekhyun stumble into you.

“Because you lost the vote and we want you to watch. Why can’t you be our friend for like a couple seconds?” he whined. It was obnoxious and overly unnecessary. But it was also, like really cute.

“I don’t want to be your friend. In fact I don’t want to be anything to you.” you said calmly. You were honest. They were the average “fuck anything but still be praised” type of boys. And the last thing you needed was that drama or the drama of people thinking you’re a new groupie. Which was already so easy for Minsoo to assume. She would not get off your back. And her little posse were even more annoying than the boys. You don’t understand it. Her and her “friends” bond off of fucking and wanting to fuck the same guys. Why is that something to bond over?

“Oh really?” Sehun said. He pushed you a little to the wall while Chanyeol and Baekhyun followed.

“Now if I got this right, you don’t want to be anything involving being one of our ‘many girls that we take advantage of and don’t care for blah blah blah.’ Correct?” he said. Those were the exact words you said to one of your friends from your old school on the phone while you were at lunch. Did he hear you? You opened your mouth to say something but nothing came out. How would he have known that?

“Minsoo may despise your guts but she is also weary that you actually like us. She’s an eavesdropper; as expected. But that’s not the point. The point is, you don’t know us. You don’t know why we don’t care for those girls or what we do with them. The only way you’d know our true selves is if you get to know us. Do you really think, and I mean seriously, that we would try this hard to make you sleep with us or whatever you think we do? It’s not realistic.” Sehun said. That’s the most you’ve heard him talk since your first day of school. And he was a smart little shit. Because everything he said was right. You had judged them but for probable cost. They did in fact do things with girls for their own pleasure and then ditch them. You just didnt know what those things consisted of.

“So you can get to know us, be our friend and then decide if you want to hate us for whatever fake justification you have.” Baekhyun said pulling Sehun away. You didn’t realize he was directly in front of you until now.

“The thing is, where does this ‘friendship’ you speak of draw the line? I’m pretty sure Minsoo is your ‘friend’. I’m not the next Minsoo.” you said. You were lying. You weren’t that naive. You knew Minsoo was nothing to them. But you wanted to hear what they wanted from you.

“You are one naive little girl. You really think Minsoo, the hot bod and no brains, is our friend? You have this predetermined idea of us being idiots but we are far from it. We are teenage boys, moreso adults. We like a nice time but we draw the line there.” Chanyeol said. They had a way of talking to you that made you seem stupid. Or maybe you were just that. Because you did have this fucked up view of them that they seemed to debunk every time.

“You are our friend. Which means we will do friendly things. We sit at lunch and hang out at Romantic Universe. You come to our games and practices and we go to...whatever you want. We hang out at Chanyeol’s place, go to movies and arcades. And occasionally flirt and try our luck because we are honest. And in all honesty, you’re a cute girl with some zest to you. I can speak for all of us and say, we like that.” Baekhyun said pulling you to walk to the field. It was going smooth until the end. But even then, you were much more open to trying this ‘friendship’ now that there were rules in line. Rules to friendship was never a good thing but these guys were clearly trying and you were interested.

You didn’t say anything the rest of the way to the field. Baekhyun had his arm around your shoulders as you walked out to the bleachers where the rest of the team were getting ready. They all seemed happy to see you. But maybe they were just happy that they saw you with Baekhyun basically slung over you.

“I take that as a yes. Sit and enjoy the view of 9 men getting hot and sweaty to impress you. But mostly pay attention to me.” he whispered in your ear. You elbowed him in the side making him laugh. When you looked back at the rest of the boys, they all had this shit eating grin on their face. Like they knew something you didn’t. But you were going to trust that it was just your paranoia. You went to sit next to where Junmyeon was getting ready. Minseok was in front of you and he handed you a blanket. It was still winter but it wasn’t super cold. The sky was setting into night but not dark. You thanked him and Yixing gave you his padded warm gloves.

“Hey can I ask an obvious question?” you said suddenly. They all looked at you completely stopping what they were doing.

“Do you not have any girlfriends?” you asked. They stayed silent for a second and looked around at each other before snickering to themselves.

“No we don’t. But don’t worry, we’re working on it.” Chanyeol said walking to you and putting his scarf around your neck tucking you in the blanket.

“That’s not what I meant. I meant like friends that are girls. You all seem to be very...hospitable to me. I figured you’d have at least a couple girlfriends but I never see you with any. Unless you consider your groupies your friends, which I know you don’t.” you said. They were giving you things to keep warm when you didn’t even ask. It was sweet and they had to have gotten the kindness from somewhere. But there were no clues to where because you were the first you’d seen of them being that way.

“Our ‘groupies’? Moe, I don’t think you have the right view of us.” Minseok said.

“So I’ve been told.” you replied.

“I can only speak for myself here, but you’re the only girl in this school worth being hospitable to. Everyone else wants to be with us or, excuse my french, fuck us. You’re a fresh face and mind. You don’t seem the least bit attracted to us. Which at first was a little hurtful, I must admit. But now it’s just something to work on. You’ll come around.” Junmyeon said. And you understood. Girls would actually fight over them. You on the other hand just had a negative outlook on them and that’s what made them unattractive to you. But in all honesty, you were highly attracted to them. You just valued personality too.

“It’s not that I’m not attracted to you, I just don’t like assholes.” you whispered. That made them stop again and look at you.

“So you are attracted to us? I told you guys. We just have to show her us, the real us, and then she’ll come around.” Jongin said.

“I’ll come around to what exactly?” you questioned.

“Come around to liking us like we like you.” Kyungsoo said. He was sitting all the way to the right of you on the edge of the bleachers. He wasn’t even looking at you when he said it. You didn’t even think he was paying attention to the conversation.

“Well I do like some of you. I just don’t think it’s how you all claim to like me. How do you all like me? It can’t be that much, you don’t even know me.” you say. You think they only like you because ‘you’re not like other girls’ but there are plenty of girls that don’t throw themselves at them.

“I’ll go first.” Chanyeol said. You didn’t know this was a sharing moment for how they felt about you and neither did the other boys. But Chanyeol has a mind of his own.

“I like you in a lot of ways. You’re an open book but you still need to read the pages to understand the plot. So I plan to read those pages, learn all about you, see more of you, and maybe make you mine.” he smiled. And you actually could help but smile at the use of the analogy. He was smart with his words.

“She smiled. She’s falling for me.” Chanyeol said as Yixing pushed him away.

“Let’s not all confess our undying attraction to her. She just decided to give us a chance. Let’s not ruin it by being...creepy.” Yixing said glaring at Yeol. He peeked at you and you couldn’t help but smile at his cute dimple. It was obvious that the cutest guys were all together. But it wasn’t obvious as to why they were all so interested in you. You don’t think that would ever be answered.

February 14th

The night of the big game was hectic. The game itself was easy. Of course you won, the boys had superpowers on the field. After the game you and your new friends were supposed to meet at Chanyeol’s place. But it only turned out to be 4 of you. The other 5 guys were either occupied with a girl or off to sleep after the exhausting game. The guys didn’t like big parties and such so they usually just hung out together. But now they had you. And they couldn’t even try to hide their excitement if they tried.

“So we didn’t get to confess to you the other day.” Baekhyun said coming back into Yeol’s living room with some snacks. He had a pink bag in his hand too. So did Sehun and Yeol. You glared at them and tilted your head.

“Those are not what I think they are.” you say.

“They are exactly what you think they are if you think they are valentine’s day gifts from friends and or possible boyfriends.” Baekhyun smiled.

“Why would you give me gifts? You don’t know what I like. You don’t even have a reason to get me a gift in the first place.” you said refusing to take the three bags being held out for you.

“Moe, don’t be difficult. We got you gifts. Friends get eachother gifts all the time. Take the gifts and quit being stubborn.” Yeol said. His firm tone was unexpected but...well you all have heard him talk. His voice was a girl from God. You take the gifts and walk over to the couch to open them.

“If using my dominant voice is all it takes to make you listen, I’ll have to use it more often.” he said. Please do.

“From your boyfriend B. To my sweetheart Moe.” you said reading the tag on one of the bags. You rolled your eyes and opened the bag. Inside was a card and a box of your favorite chocolates. Which caught you by surprise. You don’t even like chocolate but he one type of chocolate filled with cherry jelly was your favorite. No way he could have known that. There was also a charm for your tennis bracelet. The charm was a letter B in a heart. These charms were expensive which meant he spent way too much for a gift.

“Baekhyun you should not have done this.” you said. He just smiled his rectangle smile and put it on your bracelet.

“Well I did. And it would really hurt if you didn’t wear it because I worked so hard to get it.” he said pouting at you. You knew he was lying. Like you, he was just another spoiled kid.

You went to open the card but he stopped you.

“You have to read all our cards when you are not with us.” he said. You looked at him confused and then at the other two who nodded in agreement.

“Just trust us.” he said backing away. You shrugged and moved on to your next gift.

“From your love, Yeollie. To my love Moe.” his tag said. You had to admit, they were cute and it was giving you little butterflies.

Inside this bag was another card and two candles. One was lavender purple and the other was white. They were both custom made. The lavender one had Chanyeol’s name carved all over it in pretty cursive. The other had ‘C&M’ caved all over it. There was also another charm with the letter C in a heart. He came over and put it on your bracelet.

“Very subtle Yeol.” you whispered. He shrugged and kissed your hand.

“Nothing is subtle about the way you make my heart flutter.” he said. You rolled your eyes.

“Guys I thought you said you’d occasionally flirt. This is not occasional.” you said grabbing Sehun’s bag.

“This is a special occasion. What better time to flirt than now.” he said walking up to you and sitting next to you.

“To Mrs. Oh. From Mr. Oh.” his tag said.

“Wow already married?” you laughed faking surprise. He laughed and watched you open the bag. Inside was another card. And his present was a journal. But this journal was extra. It was gold paged and a hard cover. The clasp to close it was a gold decorated leather clasp. On the front stitched into the cover was ‘Mrs. Oh” and on the lower back was ‘Mr. Oh’s special lady.’ You couldn’t help but smile and laugh. The book was beautiful and you were going to use it but the thought of his name on it and him calling you Mrs. Oh was funny and cute. He dug into the bag and pulled out, you guessed it, another charm; an S inside a heart and put it on your bracelet.

“You guys can’t be this in love with me already.” you joked. It was a joke to everyone but you.

“I thought we were going with simple gifts and the charms. The custom candles and Mrs. Oh? Really guys?” Baekhyun said changing the subject. You grabbed his hand and grabbed his box of chocolates and held them to your chest.

“Don’t worry Baek. These are very dear to me.” you said pouting at him. He rolled his eyes and glared at the smiling boys. They looked like they were about to fight.

“Hey seriously, I really loved all your gifts. It’s a little extra and a little territorial but I will allow it since it is Valentine’s day.” you said making them all look at you. You took a deep breath looking at your bracelet with its 3 new charms. You laughed at the sight.

“What’s so funny?” Chanyeol asked.

“You guys are actually crazy. I somehow went from avoiding you to agreeing to be your friends to sitting in your place accepting Valentine’s day gifts and being called your girlfriend or love or Mrs. Oh. It’s very funny.” you said.

“I think it’s just how things should be.” Baek said.

“We’ve been official friends for how long?” you asked.

“3 days, 4 hours and 29 minutes.” Sehun said. You all looked at him in surprise. He was counting. But front he looks of Baek and Yeol, they were all counting, they just didn’t want you to know that.

“Honestly, what is up with you guys? Counting how long we’ve been friends. I’m not some celebrity. And my original point was, we’ve been friends for...that long and your already trying to pursue me.” you said. There was a minute of silence and everyone staring between each other.

“Well...we really like you. That’s obvious. What else is there to say?” Yeol said cutting the silence.

“So, you only wanted me to be your friend to make me like you all?” you asked. That’s what it seemed. How else would they explain already confessing to you their “undying love” only 3 days 4 hours and 31 minutes in.

“No.” Sehun said. His voice was a little deeper.

“What he means is, We didn’t plan anything. We just...go as is. But we can’t help how we react to you. We do really like you. You’re cool and cute and mean to us. We just respond how we can to that. That’s literally it.” Baek said. His eyes were sincere. It’s like they were scared you’d leave or something. He placed his hand on your thigh and you followed putting you hand on his. Just to reassure him that it wasn’t something to be afraid of. You were curious of their intentions.

All of a sudden Sehun got up and walked out of the room. You looked to the other two boys but they just looked at the ground or at the ceiling in distress.

“What just happened?” you whispered

“Nothing.” Yeol and Baek said together.

[agoddamn]

Just out of curiosity, let’s go through some of these personal skills and how they were localized. Cut because it got long...

不思議な魅力 / Supportive This does actually describe what the ability does, but it’s dry, which is an especially unfortunate choice for the main character. I’d go with Mysterious Charisma or something along those lines. Mystic Charm? Hell, if character length is a problem even just Charismatic has a more special feeling to it than Supportive, which is a quality you look for in a bra moreso than a main character.

ダーティファイト  / Highwayman This is literally just “Dirty Fight[ing]” in katakana, so it’s not like it was confusing. I have no idea why they changed it, given that dirty fighting cleverly both describes the ability itself (it only activates when the enemy can’t attack back) and Ashura’s struggle as a character (he hates himself for being an honorless thug) so...what was gained from changing it to Highwayman, which is just a synonym for his base class?

農地の主 / Forager Descriptive, which is good! My only complaint is that the original title, Farmland Master, implies a lot of competence on her part that Forager doesn’t capture. Nature Master? Living off the Land, if we get creative?

おっちょこちょい / Mischievous Completely different term. The Japanese is Scatterbrain. The deeply confusing thing is that this completely changes the nature of her ability, instead implying that she strips people on purpose. I don’t get...why they did this...

お転婆 / Fearsome Blow Completely different term! The Japanese is Tomboy. I guess we’re not allowed to say she’s a tomboy in America. The Japanese word for tomboy supposedly comes from the Dutch ontembaar, which means spirited/indomitable/untameable. Which actually says a lot about the Japanese perception of the term “tomboy”--it’s not “boyish girl” in the sense that we imagine boyish girls, IE short-haired and pink-hating and sports-loving, but “boyish” in the sense of not being quiet and submissive. Personality over appearance. Anyway, in light of that I can understand not using the literal word tomboy in English but Fearsome Blow is just dry. Doesn’t reflect on her personality at all. Even Ferocious Blow would be better.

爆炎使い / Pyrotechnics What always confused me here is that pyrotechnics almost always refers to decorative explosions. You use pyrotechnics to describe tricks or flashy shows, not actual bombs designed to kill people, which is what Saizou is doing. It’s like saying a flamethrower and a flashlight are interchangeable because they both involve light that you point places. I don’t think 爆炎使い is an existing term; the only results on Google for it are Saizou and a Yu-Gi-Oh card. Literally, it’s something like Explosive Flame Messenger/Carrier. Probably a double meaning on Saizou carrying explosive bombs and being an explosive bomb. Hilariously, FEH completely gave up trying to translate this term (which is also his character title in that game) and just rendered it as Angry Ninja. I’d just translate it as Incendiary, trying to keep the double meaning intact.

小さな声援 / Quiet Strength This one is accurate to Sakura’s personality--which is good--but doesn’t describe the effect and misses out on the fact that all three (!) Hoshido princesses have linked personal skills. Aqua’s is Healing Voice, Hinoka’s is Rallying Cry (localization was actually dead on here), and Sakura’s is Little Cheer/Soft Cheer. They’re all voice-related. Localization lost this theme by changing Aqua’s to Healing Descant (a type of melody) and Sakura’s to Quiet Strength. At the very least, Sakura and Hinoka have reciprocal effects so the names really ought to match. They actually did this excellently with the Nohr sisters (Lily’s Poise/Rose’s Thorn) so it’s a shame the Hoshido sisters lost out.

ぼんやり / Optimist Another totally different term. The Japanese is Absent-minded/Airhead. Like, did they feel bad about calling Setsuna dumb? But still left all her supports about how dumb she is? Even more confusingly, Kisaragi’s personal skill is named almost identically. Nobody would do that on purpose. I admit that this one is tricky to name--neither Airhead nor Optimist suggest getting extra-effective healing, but at least Airhead describes her personality. She’s more implacable than optimistic. I’d try to get creative with this one and go with something like Help From My Friends if space allowed, or just fall back to Airhead/Head in the Clouds if airhead sounds too mean.

悪あがき / Triple Threat Once more, different term. The Japanese is something like wasted effort/struggling in vain. I think the implication is that you’re wasting your energy trying to melee Hinata? This is definitely a weird one. Honestly dunno that I’d have a better suggestion; Triple Threat at least gets across that it procs against three weapon types. Last Stand, perhaps.

軍略伝授 / Perspicacious This is another one of those where the game suddenly whips out obscure vocabulary for no apparent reason. When’s the last time you heard someone use perspicacious outside of an English test? The Japanese is Strategy Instructor (or something like “offering strategic advice”), which is why it buffs other units’ hit rate. I can kinda see the connection to being perceptive, but perspicacious, for all its syllables, fails to describe that Yukimura is instructing other people. Strategize would have done the job perfectly well.

勝利への執念 / In Extremis The Japanese is something like “victory through persistence”. This is a case where I actually like how it communicates the ability--it activates under extreme circumstances, when she’s on the edge--but I question the terminology. Latin is a pretty specific choice in language. What about the soft butch French rebel artist says “yeah, Latin is the right choice here”? 

風の血 / Wind Disciple Another case of losing the theme. Fuuga, Flora, and Rinka, as the scions of their elemental tribes, all have abilities that go [element] Blood, implying they’re the distant descendants of their founding dragons. They got it with Rinka and Flora, but for some reason fucked up Fuuga.

美しき王 / Peacebringer Japanese is Beautiful King, hahaha. I actually like that the English gets the meaning of the ability--and his role in the story--across, but the Japanese implication that Izana is so beautiful that everyone around him forgets how to fight is really goddamn funny.

怪力 / Puissance The one I’ve been complaining about the most! Why French? Why this word? The Japanese is a pretty simple “super strength”. I totally understand the urge to jazz it up, but this just seems like the worst way to do it. It’s not an easily recognizable term and the diction doesn’t match her character at all, localized OR original. I like the idea of rendering it as Atlas to emphasize her role as Elise’s pillar plus a sly reference to the Charles Atlas strongman stuff, but you could go a million different ways here. Just...not puissance.

奇襲任務 / Opportunist Man, I’m so used to Ambush Duty that I had to look up who Opportunist was actually attached to...which I think says a lot about its success as a character descriptor. Opportunist technically jives with the ‘surprise attack’ part of the Japanese, but not remotely Belka’s personality. The ‘duty’ bit is important here because that’s Belka’s role, she does what she’s told. She’s mechanical. Camilla even likens her to a broken doll. Opportunist generally implies more agency, someone actively taking chances. 

青の踊り / Fancy Footwork Azure Dance. I guess Indigo Dance would flow better with Awakening’s localization. I like the dance nod but it’s a shame to miss out on the color wink.

冷血 / Pragmatic Cold-blooded. In this case I understand why it was changed--”cold-blooded” is too close to Flora’s “Ice Blood” (though that didn’t stop them giving Setsuna and Kisaragi literally the same ability?)--and the meaning is mostly intact (pragmatic can just mean simple and efficient, but cold-blooded means cruel). Leon has a couple of other ice-themed symbols in the game, though--his personal weapon, Leon’s Icy Blade, and general references to being cold and heartless. It’s also an ironic contrast to his tome, a tree of life. Cold-blooded fit really well with all that and Pragmatic doesn’t.

ひろい食い / Goody Basket sdfkfghdf the Japanese for this one is like...indiscriminate appetite/open-minded eater/someone who eats stuff they picked up on the floor. Which is why she’s regaining HP, Velour’s just eating random shit she finds. Goody Basket doesn’t remotely capture how funny this is. I’d have called it Five-Second Rule.

乙女心の躍動 / Bibliophile Bibliophile does hint at the effect, but...just looking at a list I honestly thought this was Eponine’s. She’s the one explicitly described as the story-lover. The Japanese is something like Liveliness of a Maiden’s Heart--so it’s Ophelia’s own earnest, girly version of Odin’s Aching Blood. It’s admittedly hard not to have Something Blood on a female character sound kind of lewd or a euphemism for masturbation. What about Pounding Heart?

臆病 / Guarded Bravery Just the opposite meaning here, the Japanese is Timid. Were they afraid of making him look bad?

だまし討ち / Fierce Counter Foul Play! The one that started all this. To copy-paste, the implication is that either male enemies underestimate Foleo’s ferocity because of his feminine appearance or that Foleo is the type of guy who has no compunctions about kicking another guy in the balls (he IS his father’s son), take your pick. Fierce Counter is dry and doesn’t indicate the proc (male enemies) at all.

[quillheart-blog]

What I Think About Lupin & Fujiko

What I really like about Lupin and Fujiko’s relationship is that it's nuanced, and far more reflective of real life than most relationships on TV and in books. It's flawed, it's self-centered, it's a game.  And both people know that and yet enjoy it anyway.  In a way, they're more honest with each other than most real people.

It’s written about adults, for adults and by adults.  So it ends up with a lot more nuance and grey area than most anime (or media) relationships, and not only is that okay, that's the point.  It’s not simple; it’s not supposed to be.  Jigen is a very simple person, and he often can’t understand it--but he also, arguably, has ulterior motives.  Goemon probably understands at least some of it, but doesn’t approve of how self-centric and self-serving it is. (And that's okay too.) But honestly, Lupin knows full well what Fujiko is doing--trying to con him.  Which is probably amusing as hell to him, considering he's the top of the conmen in the world.  So as a rival, his opinion is, "Come at me, bro."  And if he gets some sex and attention out of the deal, why not? (Still waiting on the sex.) Fujiko, meanwhile, is working. There's this young stud that she can milk for money and gifts any time she wants.  She's a working woman in a man's world and she's picked her mark and he's cool with being her sugar daddy (and her lover if she's cool with it).  For Lupin, that's probably an important part of his image in his own mind.  But for Fujiko, as @CatTheTerrible put it, she's like a stripper: if a smart, pretty woman can get money from dudes that don't even get to touch her, man, play that con for all it's worth and more power to you. But something important about Fujiko and Lupin is that they both respect each other in several ways.  Lupin never forces himself on her (outside of some bad writing cough Mamo) and even when he's mad at her, they act petty and vain and like childhood friends about it--but there's never, shall we say, 1950s domestic violence about it.  That's hella modernized; let's take a moment to appreciate that anime Lupin is very, very liberal for his time. Fujiko, meanwhile, never talks smack about him around the world and doesn't rub shit in more than necessary.  Her reputation in the show is generally not presented as "that woman that pulls one over on Lupin all the time"; she's "Fujiko Mine, that mysterious woman who's good at conning people and isn't afraid to use a gun."  So she uses him, but she doesn't ruin him for it.   Most of the time, part of Fujiko's heists involve pulling Lupin into heists; he's her backup plan.  He's predicable and willing and what's more--dependable about it.  Perhaps she even likes seeing him...?

But what I like most about their relationship is how romantic and C'est La Vie it is. No matter how much changes throughout the franchise, one consistent thing is that Lupin is extremely smart and lives a dangerous life.  Fujiko is the same, and perhaps even moreso in both arenas.  Lupin and Fujiko are both high-functioning adults that live a life where they could die tomorrow.  Why not enjoy a few of the warmer comforts of the opposite sex?  

Lupin's view of their romantic game is that Fujiko is one hot babe whose company he adores, she's definitely his type, and if the price of her company is his paycheck, well so be it; it's a small price to pay.  And the only thing wrong with that, let's be honest, is that he's throwing Jigen's paycheck in the pot too. But I don't blame him.  Lupin, as a default, operates at a level intellectually that would be very hard to match.  As a real person, it would be very hard for Lupin to find women that were A) available (remember, he interacts with married women he's conning more than anything), B) able to hold their own against the life he leads C) Okay with the life he leads D) clever enough for him and E) wouldn't become attached to him. It's been addressed once or twice, especially in the more recent OVAs and Blue Jacket, that Lupin doesn't like breaking hearts.  Falling in love--and letting women fall in love with him--is a huge liability and which happens rather easily thanks to those Protagonist Powers (TM). But he knows those women are probably going to end up like Jigen's women if he spent any time and charm on some innocent young thing. So enter Fujiko: a grown-ass woman, beautiful and dangerous to boot, that can keep up with him, even make him work hard.  A professional with skills that complement his.  It's probably his dream girl from the time he was staring at pictures of Farah Fawset.  When you find that rare succor, it's a bombshell to your hormones.  She's his rival, and having a challenge gets his blood moving.  And the fact that it's a girl--well! Everything a dashing man of mystery could want. And she plays the game.

Very Amor Fati You probably know that when you're chronically lonely, you'd take a facsimile over nothing.  And that's what I find so Amor Fati and beautiful-literary-tragedy about it all: they're terrible and perfect for each other at the same time, because without each other, what would they even have to look forward to?  Everything would be business as usual; they'd just be part of the grind.  There'd be no human element to the heists of either; it'd just be about paychecks and fighting the machine.  Fujiko and Lupin wouldn't be blooming the way they are--and the way we love to watch.   Now, is it always written that well? No.  But I adore the idea of this unspoken pact between the two.  And the idea that maybe they talk about it on quiet nights together in bed, assuming they ever get there. It's a real French/Japanese film kinda thing, but I have to give them credit for getting it in there. The show could do a lot more to remark on Lupin's supposed French/Japanese background in any way, but I like these subtle notes of it.

At the End of the Day... In some constructs, we see Fujiko be rather bad at thievery and always need help; in others, we see her win over Lupin easily.  Many times, though, there's this assertion from Lupin that he either let her win or doesn't much care that she did.  He isn't into thieving for the money or the fame; he's in it for something to do.  And similarly, he likes this woman's company; she's a change of pace and a force to admire.  Her presence is enough of a reward; in that we see the gentlemanly of him. For him, though, it's always a little bit sad when she leaves.  For better or for worse, I've always read their relationship as this: that he knows she doesn't love him, but whenever he's around her, he just can't make himself believe that.  He lives in a world of his own making, and he hopes he can just make this come true.  If he can steal anything, why can't he steal that heart?  Dat love? Fujiko, on the other hand, doesn't seem to want or need him in that way, but she enjoys messing with him, pushing him.  He's a rival.  But she also saves his ass from the fire as much as she pushes him in it.  Maybe she's just protecting her paycheck.  Or maybe, as Monkey Punch says, "they enjoy each other as a man and a woman."  Their life is dangerous and it's lonely at the top.  In that situation, even a little bit of camaraderie, of a cuddle on a couch or in a car seat, can do a lot to keep you sane. On the one hand, I feel like this is the only relationship Lupin can emotionally afford because of his job.  On the other, I would hazard a guess that he's the youngest of the group and just hasn't had any better offers--or better perspectives--yet, and has the time to be free and reckless with his heart. (Which no doubt drives poor Jigen crazy.) But that's what I love about it the most: that this relationship has the flawed romance of real people.  It doesn't have to be perfect or even make sense all the time.  There's a man and a woman and they understand each other like no one else can. And that's what I enjoy about Lupin and Fujiko!

[freackthejester]

What Freack is reading:

I have not done one of these in a while, and I also have 20 books out of the library. This is too many books to fully read all of them but the fact that this costs me no monies is the beauty of libraries. 

So here is a list of all the books I have out, organized by height, starting with the shortest.

- Robotics: A Very Short Introduction Alan Winfeild, short little book about robotics that I am reading to get some ideas for an AI character I dream of writing someday. It is from the Oxford series of Very Short Introduction books, which a pretty handy. I have read two others already, and the tiny overview is exactly what I need. [~30% complete]

- SPOCK MUST DIE! James Blish, an original series Star Trek novel. So far it is that episode where there become two Kirks in the transporter accident, but with Spock instead and I like it. [~8% complete]

- INTERCOURSE Andrea Dworkin, I need to read this, but it is pretty heavy and I have not been feeling it yet. [not even done with the foreward yet, and she already got me all riled up]

- Wobblies & Zapistas: Conversation on Anarchism, Marxism, and Radical History: Lynd & Grubacic, What the title sounds like. A lot more actual person on the street information that I generally get out of books on these topics, which is what I want. [~12% complete]

- Toward the Future Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, Suggested in a book I read on Utopianism. Not started yet. It has a pocket in the front for the pre-digital organizing system, and smells really nice. [0%]

- NO LOGO Naomi Klein, A boyfriend of a friend of mine said that this book changed his life and he has a very marked up copy. It is about the history and power of branding. Sometimes it is tough to get through stuff where the author is not assuming that I am already coming from a super anti-capitalist position, but it has a lot of good solid information. [~5% complete]

- Earthsea: A Wizard of Earthsea Ursula Le Guin, This was suggested by a Youtube guy I like, because he said the tv series was singularly awful. Not started yet. 

- Boxers Gen Luen Yang, Author of American Born Chinese which I loved. This is a graphic novel about the Boxer Rebellion, and part of a set of two. I know nothing about Chinese history or culture or, like, anything. I am hoping that this will be a good step in to learning more. Of course, it would help if I could actually, like, finish a book in this lifetime. [~25% complete]

- Neuromancer William Gibson, A classic, basically started the cyberpunk genre. Not even started yet. 

- Depression Folk: Grassroots Music and Left-Wing Politics in 1930s America Ronald D. Cohen, nice descriptive title, I think it gets the point across. I am so behind, I mostly plan on skimming through for music recommendations since I have no renewals left of it. [~9% complete]

- This Book is Overdue: How Librarians and Cybrarians Can Save Us All Marilyn John, One of the few I have actually gotten a lot through, and I think that is because it is just so good. I look to the idea of libraries as organized information hubs and a way to share resources throughout a community as a potential way to set things up in a non-capitalist way, so this appeals to me a lot. Very personably written. [~46% complete]

- Esperanto: Learning and Using the International Language David Richardson 

- English Esperanto English Dictionary John C. Wells, I am combining these two. I am so behind on my Esperanto studies, and the books are actually due soon, even though you can renew things seven times if no other patrons request it. I am getting the hang of the language and the grammar, and the vocabulary is fairly easy to pick up. I just need to get my ass in gear and make some flash cards and really practice, and you can guess how hard that is going.

- Dialect Diversity in America: The Politics of Language Change William Labov, I really really love this subject. He starts right out with the argument that language is actually diversifying more in the US rather than homogenizing, and has whole chapters on AAVE and I am so upset that I have not gotten further in this yet. [~10% complete]

- Myxomycetes: A Handbook of Slime Molds Steven Stephenson & Henry Stempen, I read a book recently about fungi that was super interesting, if a little technical for me to understand all of, and the author had one on slime molds as well. It really piqued my interest in trying fungus-cultivating techniques again, and I got this book when I planned on re-building my slime mold cultures. I am waiting to get the spare room space set up before really diving into this though, so it sits unstarted. 

- The Fifth Sacred Thing Starhawk, I saw this author yesterday! I asked her a question after her speech and everything! So far the book is interesting, built around the idea that there is a tiny refuge culture of ecotopian spiritual ultra feminist super diverse nature loving hippe witchy good times in the mid 21st century, after a world wide collapse, surrounded by a teeming awfulness that is modern society but moreso. I am barely started, but do plan on finishing it. I have a tough time with spirituality, but the world building is good and hopeful, and I should get over myself a bit. Long though, going to take some time, especially considering that (since the author visited and all her books are on hold by half the town it seems) I have no renewals at this time. But I can just put it back on hold once I return it, and finish it later, which is probably how I was going to end up reading it anyway, so that is fine. [~13% complete]

- Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis J. D. Vance Suggested to me after I pointed out to someone that it was not that working class white people were dumb so much as it behooves those in power to keep them uneducated. When I put this on hold there were about 30 people in front of me, so I am hopeful that it is good. [Not through the introduction yet, but I did just check it out last night]

- Evolution’s Rainbow: Diversity, Gender, and Sexuality in Nature and People; WHy Darwin Was Wrong About Sexual Selection Joan Roughgargen, Suggested by @e-cryptid (well, she posted an excerpt and I liked it). A lot of my reading recently has been about animal intelligence and diversity. I like the idea of a book about biology that will treat my existence as a benefit to the species and not just something that is not quite bad enough to be wiped out. [~4% complete]

- Bicycle: The History David V. Herlihy, I got a bike for Easter, and want to be able to fix it up myself. I tried looking at some books on maintenance and repair, but a lot of even the beginner guides were going over my head. So I am taking a different track and learning about the history and the invention of all the individual parts and the discoveries of the scientific principals behind what makes the cranks go. For my brain, this is the best way in to learning about the whole modern machine, and so far this is a really good book to start with. It contains a lot of pictures, particularly of all magazine ads and cartoon relating to early bicycle-like things, and the machine has a truly fascinating history. If you like cars, or technology, or the French, or learning about how capitalism can ruin everything even back in the 1890s, learn about bikes. [~45% complete]

And finally, the tallest book I have checked out currently:

- The Curious World of Carnivorous Plants: A comprehensive Guide to THeir Biology and Cultivation Barthlott&Perembski&Seine&Theisen, What I have learned so far from this book is that I probably should not be trying to cultivate any carnivorous plants any time soon, because they take more experience than I currently have. This book is a very useful overview (one of the only ones according to its own introduction), but probably better reading for people who like reading dense sciency stuff or already know a bit on the subject. Great pictures. [~27% complete]

Considering that I spent the time writing this all out instead of reading anything should give you an idea as to how likely I am to ever finish all of these. But You do not have to finish everything. I have put in the effort recently to forgive myself for just skimming sometimes. Especially with non-fiction stuff. If a particular chapter or specific subject is not what I am into, I skip it. Why not! Life is short and I am honest with myself about the fact that I aim to have a passing knowledge of most things, and some people like to master a few things and it will take all types to make the world go round. 

[docnoctem]

Juri/Shiori ;3c

Bless you~ I’m gonna include some headcanons about the characters themselves as well as their relationship, because I think what you interpret and believe about the characters contributes more to the perception of the relationship than just headcanons about who they are together. Also this has a read more because I’ve been thinking about Juri and Shiori for like 12 years? So basically this is just way too goddamn long.

Shiori comes from a deeply religious family. They are moderately wealthy, though less-so than Juri’s, and have never asked much of their daughter. This, in some ways, was worse for Shiori’s sense of self-worth and purpose, as her neuroses shaped around this lack of force or purpose and left her feeling that she could not be asked to accomplish anything because she was not able to, that there were no expectations because her “nothingness” was clear to even her parents, and as hatred for herself over time branched into hatred of others around her, she grew to resent the friend and peer who most reminded her of these feelings: Juri. Juri, who shone so brightly and brilliantly and beautifully and allowed Shiori near her as a moon in her orbit, while sharing nothing of her own fears and emotions, asking nothing, and expecting nothing from her. The pressures she feels from her family (and her own mind warps Juri’s withheld affections in a similar way, though I do not think that is Juri’s intent whereas the intent is questionable with her parents) are not openly stated, but instead have always been suggested. Her mannerisms (and internalized homophobia) have always painted this image to me. She refers to herself as “the prodigal daughter” in a voice that seems both good-natured but self-depreciating upon first meeting Utena and Anthy, she speaks politely and cordially but she invites that superficial kindness further, bringing the girls into her sparse and completely covered dorm and softly requesting they visit again sometime, and her overall body language and tone show her carrying herself rather demurely compared to the darkness, passion, and even violence that she keeps inside. While there’s a level of self-awareness to it, I don’t think it’s entirely “acting” but is a reflection on the way she was raised, her behavior at home, and the behavior she exhibited in her youth which contributed to a confusing mix of feelings in young Juri, who carried herself regally, with a different sort of quietness, a quietness that is not inviting and approachable but striking, imposing, and alluring. Shiori’s home, I must believe, was not one of honest expression, creative exploration, or deeply emotional speech, and I believe that atmosphere carried an undercurrent of strict religious faith.

Juri has never had a sleepover at Shiori’s family home. Shiori, in fact, rarely had Juri inside her home at all, and Juri has only met her parents properly a couple of times. As children, Shiori would only ever stay the night with Juri and her older sister, in her elegant home with ceilings so high the three girls could all stand on each other’s shoulders and never reach them– not that they ever got close to successfully doing this. Eventually as teenagers this common practice began to die out little by little, as an unacknowledged distance formed between them. 

When the girls are just entering high school and progressing through puberty they share a gym class, and during this school year Juri is suffocating under the weight of her feelings toward Shiori, but moreso the sense of shame and secrecy she feels because of them. She is not one to typically lean toward overtly sexual situations or even thoughts, truth be told– while flashes have gone through her mind at times, those aren’t exactly the ideas that she hangs onto the most. Despite this, while Shiori is showering and Juri is guarding their gym bags, she allows a feeling that she isn’t entirely familiar with take root in her stomach, something heavy and obscene, and she slips a hand inside Shiori’s bag to lightly touch the fabric of a pair of panties tucked beneath the school’s uniform shorts. Neither the appearance nor the physical feeling of the garment is remarkable, but Juri’s skin feels as if it will burn off of her and her stomach twists and soars and sinks at the knowledge of just how very hopeless she is. Juri does not ever remove them from the bag, though an impulse to take them and hide them in her own bag flickers in her for less than a second and then is thoroughly smashed down.

After taking up residence in Ohtori, Shiori would sometimes dream of the large double-window in her bedroom, the one she remembered from childhood, left open as only the barest traces of morning light filtered in. The breeze would pick up her sheer white curtains and their fluttering movements would remind her of dancing, softly, freely, with no particular rhythm. Nothing else would appear in the window, no knights or horses or storms, and sometimes Shiori doubted she was even really seeing the window in her dreams as much as she was piecing that image from her memory together to give some visualization to a feeling, and that the dream itself was closer to a simple comfort that accompanied sleep. It’s hard to say when, but somewhere through the years the image of the window began to change in her mind. It no longer looked like something from her memory, but felt no less familiar. The wind would gain power and whip through the curtains causing them to billow with strength and force, and the soft glow of sunrise gave way to the fiery flood of sunset. She couldn’t understand what this meant, but as she studied the movements of Juri’s arm, wrapped in her fencing uniform and cutting through the air in the studio with sharp, focused swings, she felt this was the closest sight to the window in her waking life.

After the revolution, Juri and Shiori are not “fixed.” The years of denial, self-loathing, secrecy, resentment, shame, and complete lack of proper communication created a wall between them that is almost insurmountable. In fact, the girls have already graduated high school and college and left Ohtori for good before they are able to speak honestly to one another about how they feel, and they are in the last years of their 20′s by the time they move in together.

Neither girl has an extremely expanded cooking skill, though both have a proficiency for certain dishes and cuisines. Shiori’s traditional Japanese is carefully practiced, well-arranged, and delicious while still being more accessible in their daily life. Juri instead has a penchant for a select few French dishes, as her family is multi-national and she had once lived overseas. She has not mastered as wide of a breadth of recipes as Shiori though, offering too limited of a variety for daily or even weekly meal preparation, so although her culinary work is impressive her cooking days are spaced far apart and often fall on special occasions.

Juri’s class and status afforded her jewelry that makes a statement of wealth, and her modelling work has encouraged the companies associated to provide even more, eager to have her seen in their fashions. But even after being quite distanced from her family and living a more modest lifestyle, she retains an appreciation for high-end jewelry. Shiori has always felt too plain to wear something like that, even if Juri gifts it to her. Shiori feels, for a time, beautiful and elegant watching the bangles bounce on her wrists, but that often fades into embarrassment when she sees herself alongside Juri in something like that. Juri never feels this way, but is learning to value Shiori’s comfort as well and never pushes Shiori to wear it in public– instead, she slips the silk and gold around Shiori’s neck and admires it against her skin in a much more private setting.

VAGUELY NSFW: Relating to the last bullet point, their sex life is extremely vanilla for a very long time. For Juri, it is heaven to worship Shiori and show her tenderness; for Shiori, it is heaven to be held close and held tight, to be wanted, to be enough. As the girls age into their late 20′s and early 30′s they become more brazen in their intimacy, but there are times when Juri’s hands still tremble when they dip below her collarbone and Shiori still feels compelled to pull her knees to her chest. Knowing how desired she is can give Shiori a rush of power though, and her longing to protect this love they’ve suffered so much for keeps her from exerting a lot of power play– most of the time. With age and growth she learns to redirect the push to taunt Juri into a more therapeutic pull to tease and entice her.

They never marry. Somewhere inside, they still hold the tragic knowledge that glass as cracked and broken and reassembled as they are can shatter again.

This one isn’t a “headcanon” in the same sense as the rest but my thoughts about how a canon scene relates to the two. Juri tells the council the story of when her sister almost drowned, but was saved by a boy who was then swept away by the strong current instead. She says that she always found it “cold” that her sister couldn’t remember the boy’s name, though now she herself can’t remember it either. The canon purpose of this scene is foreshadowing Utena’s fate, but this can also relate to why I believe that as good of a character as Juri is, she is not meant to be a “prince” in quite the same way. Juri held a sense of resentment toward her sister back then, held a private belief that her sister must have been a cruel person, as she liked to believe herself to be that same selfless, heroic child who would always take action when faced with that raging water– but this resentment has lessened now, because by the time all is said and done with Shiori (in-series) she’s owned up to the reality that losing the duel was easier than losing the locket, that she could not “take action” when she believed she loved Shiori, and now despite her attempts to take action when she believes she hates Shiori, kicking off her shoes and taking a deep breath, she is still standing firmly on the riverbank. I don’t say this as a criticism of Juri or to accuse her of weakness, I say this because it is the thing that makes her character compelling for me. Juri will duel with the most polished skill demonstrated in the series, but she will discard her own rose when the locket she has only tethered herself to her own misery with is cut from its hiding place. When she looks through her own experiences at this memory now, she doesn’t know if the little girl drowning is really Shiori, or if she is herself. She doesn’t know if struggling upward and outward will really save her, and so she has, without realizing, let the girl continue drowning. Whoever she is, she can’t pull her from the water. She won’t look to the balcony when she knows Shiori is there, she looks instead inside the locket when she knows she is alone, and as hard as she tries, she can’t remember that heroic child’s name anymore.