#also it's like 3 am so no one would ve awake to take care of me rn anyway

[yardsards]

i think i talked about it before but it's fucking me up again so

in high school my migraine problem was way worse than it is now. i got one almost every week. and sometimes they'd be bad brainstem migraines that fucked up my mental capacity and motor control so badly i couldn't function and/or would be so painful i couldn't stop myself from audibly whimpering in pain (which. the noise of that was not good for the auditory hypersensitivity). and even the ones that weren't like that still basically drained me and put me in too much pain to function

(and of course the doctor didn't do jackshit for me)

and it was apparently very noticeable to outsiders. i remember overhearing the school nurse talking concernedly because i looked halfway lifeless every time i came to her with a migraine. and those who knew me well could sometimes even tell Something Was Up in just the prodrome phase of the brainstem migraines because i would just seem Off somehow (tho they didn't know enough to identify it as a migraine).

even my ever-unobservant parents could tell how bad my migraines were, remarking how i seemed completely drained when they had to take me home from school. they even said it was worrying

but. neither of them did ANYTHING to take care of me when i was having a migraine.

i couldn't do much to take care of myself. the pain was too much to function. standing always made the pain worse, and so did leaving my dark, quiet room. my brain was halfway out of commission, whether from the pain being too distracting or from the brain fog. when it was a brainstem migraine, my motor function would get so bad that walking would get difficult- i've definitely had to *crawl* to the bathroom before.

i could barely walk downstairs to the kitchen, let alone prepare food for myself. even something as simple as microwaving a bowl of soup was far too much for me.

neither of my parents thought to regularly check in on their visibly very ill and suffering child. both of them either didn't notice or didn't care that i hadn't eaten. neither of them ever offered to bring me food or anything

i kept a stash of nonperishable snacks in my nightstand at all times because being hungry but bed-bound with no one around to help was such a regular occurrence

it was fucking scary sometimes, being so helpless AND knowing no one was going to take care of you while you were unable to take care of yourself

i wanted -and needed- real parents to be there for me. ones that would periodically pause what they were doing to check on me when they knew i was unwell. ones that would make sure i was eating and drinking enough and would bring me the things i needed.

ones that would massage my neck or run their fingers through my hair because touch was the only sense that didn't hurt upon receiving stimuli, and i always needed some sort of distraction to keep my mind off of the pain (normally i just settled for scrolling through my phone with an intense dimmer and red filter or listening to very quiet music; the small pains those caused me were worth the value of a distraction). and because i was young and in pain and scared and i just needed *comfort*

(of course, the above paragraph could only really happen if they were good enough parents that i could trust and love them enough to enjoy their touch. as it stood, their touch had made my skin crawl since middle school and had stopped feeling at all comforting before that)

the closest i ever got to that was a friend in high school -one i wasn't even that close to- offered to massage my shoulders and neck and upper back because that had helped one of her boyfriends when he got migraines. it didn't make the pain go away, but it distracted from it, and i felt warm inside and cared for from it the rest of the day, even after i got to leave school (early) and go home

[plush-rabbit]

What headcanons you have in request box actually? I'm really curious lol. Have nice day btw, I love your work!!!!!

Okay, so usually I put some in a doc and then like figure it out from there so if you've sent one in and haven't seen it, don't worry, it'll be done and added once I make a dent lmao. These are also a mix of hc and fics. Some I'm like part way through so ye

There also might be some that I might not do because its vague, like I'm given just the prompt and I don't know what to do with it or there's just no ideas that come to mind so I really am sorry.

Upcoming ones:

Met with Dia and he said “how else will you please me?” And I think it awoke something in me?? Can I request Diavolo with a bashful innocent MC and him just laying back and letting her have his way with him? But of course he’s a total dom so he’s gonna take control but just has a little fun letting her take the reins to start with? Hi. I just found your stuff and you write so well for Obey Me. Could I request a fic with Barbatos and a female MC? Maybe she's staying at the palace for whatever reason and when he goes to his room he hears her moaning his name so he checks on her but she's sleeping. The next day he hints that she must've had a good dream much to her dismay. That night he goes to her room and she's awake and they end up sleeping together. With some praise and maybe even some tail action. Thank you! Can I please get a uuuhhh possessive/borderline yandere Leon please :3c maybe it’s after a big match for her and everyone’s fawning over her and he steals her away and reminds her that she’s his? 💕✨ I saw those headcanons where Jin and Shigaraki became parental or sibling figures to the reader sooooooo how about headcanons of a fem!reader being a mother figure to the league? Just an ordinary citizen in her late twenties until she met the LOV unexpectedly, during the time where the league had to hide and the reader's place is conveniently open (then again I'm sure they'd bust in if it wasn't) and she didn't rat them out. This happened quite a lot of times to the point where the reader is used to it by now and just lets them in, even if they weren't hiding from anyone and just wants to stay for the night. When she got closer to the league, she starts to show care and love for them in a way a mother would the reader isn't a member of the league, but they already consider her as family :'D I just really want them to get care and love since they've been through so much Last week I literally sat down and read your writing for like an hour and a half LOL It’s just really good and I love your characterization! I was wondering if I could request Twice and Shigaraki with an s/o who tries to be cute and surprise them by wearing their clothes when they return from a mission but maybe the clothes are a bit too snug cuz they’re a little pudgy :( could also be nsfw if you’re ok with that!! Thank you so much 💜💜 I like the Lucky!Cat!reader hc. Could you do some for the LOV, with a Male Cat s/o? Thank you! You're the best!! I've been obsessing about flowers and their meanings or what they symbolize soooooo. How would the LOV react to their s/o giving them a certain flower and then finding out what the flower means/symbolizes? Hope this passes! It's a request for OM. Can I have headcanons of the brothers + Diavolo (if you don't mind) of their s/o dancing "Paradise Lost" by GAIN? Provided you a link to the video for reference 😁: https://youtu.be/4i32ANEa5mk Headcanons where the LOV has an s/o whose like a literal ball of sunshine. Always happy and bubbly, smiling and laughing, they just seem to epitome of joy. Until one day, they just break down, being so emotionally drained from different factors that they can keep up the act of being happy anymore Last week I literally sat down and read your writing for like an hour and a half LOL It’s just really good and I love your characterization! I was wondering if I could request Twice and Shigaraki with an s/o who tries to be cute and surprise them by wearing their clothes when they return from a mission but maybe the clothes are a bit too snug cuz they’re a little pudgy :( could also be nsfw if you’re ok with that!! Thank you so much 💜💜 hey!! hru? i have a question do you think shigaraki would like a threesome? what if his s/o didn’t want one bc she’s like possessive of him (in a non toxic way) hey plush, can you do a reader x Shiggy and Dabi whos crying to them/grabbing their shirts and burring themselves into shiggy and dabi/ about their verbally abusive ex, how theyre so different from them, so much nicer and softer, how they(the reader) never thought they could be loved or deserved kindness? its been one of those days, i just need some comfort. thank you♡ heyy!! ^^ can i request some headcanons for hawks reacting to his female s/o belly dancing for him? :3 Heyo this is beetle juice anon idk if u remember me I’m the person who said shiggy sounds like beetle juice, I swear I couldn’t get that thought out of my head so can I request shiggy and reader getting hit by a quirk that forces them to do a musically ( idk I just want shiggy to sing honestly lmaoooo) idk maybe both of them being shocked that both of them can sing hey, i absolutely adore your writing! i love going through all your work, they’re my comfort fics! 💞 i was wondering if you would mind writing something for tomura with an s/o who is insecure about her body and how skinny she is? she feels too flat, like she doesn’t have enough curves or that she’s grown into her body enough and it makes her feel less of a woman, that tomura could do better. and it makes her anxious when it comes to initimacy and being exposed to him because in her eyes he’s so perfectly handsome and she just feels inadequate... it’s something i’ve had to deal with pretty much my entire life, getting called names like stick insect and coat hanger, but lately it’s been eating away at me more and more. you can totally ignore this if you feel uncomfortable writing about this stuff, though! 💕 So, like. Hear me out. What if, with Bakugou and Dabi (separate) : MC is super innocent and cute, blushes at the slightest flirt, and “doesn’t get” dirty jokes, but as soon as they’re alone with their s/o? They are the kinkiest most vulgar bottom they’ve ever seen. Nipples pierced, collar under the turtleneck, chain strung between the piercings and the collar, all out kinda slut. The duality of man. (Gender neutral) Hello so may i request shigaraki with a s.o whos warm loving and protective and very innocent basically a s.o whos like mitsuri kanroji both personality and look wise Female pronouns,maybe they are out on a date getting ice cream and the s.o is so happy shiggy came, they hold hands and people start giving him odd looks only for her to stand up to the bullies who are saying things about shigaraki, it ends with her kissing him infront of everyone to prove a point,and when the get home she tells him she doesnt care what people think and makes love to him topping hin while telling him all the reasons she fell inlove with him,(omg im so sorrry its so long if you have tpo many requests or dont like the idea please tell me) hey, i absolutely adore your writing! i love going through all your work, they’re my comfort fics! 💞 i was wondering if you would mind writing something for tomura with an s/o who is insecure about her body and how skinny she is? she feels too flat, like she doesn’t have enough curves or that she’s grown into her body enough and it makes her feel less of a woman, that tomura could do better. and it makes her anxious when it comes to initimacy and being exposed to him because in her eyes he’s so perfectly handsome and she just feels inadequate... it’s something i’ve had to deal with pretty much my entire life, getting called names like stick insect and coat hanger, but lately it’s been eating away at me more and more. you can totally ignore this if you feel uncomfortable writing about this stuff, though! 💕 could we get a fem reader cock warming Dabi throughout the night and get morning sex >//< // ik youre a busy bee so dont feel obligated to rush or anything, take ur time plushie!♡ can we please get a shiggy x reader and the reader asks him to teach her how to game and she ends up being better than him and whatnot (inspired by that “a simple wager”) fic (if you ever decide to make a sequel to that i will ve DECEASED Can I request a sub shigaraki with a mommy kink getting pegged by the reader ( I just want to make him beg and cry honestly) reader is a female Omh give us noncon/somno w scary eraserhead plsss / aizawa and aphrodisiac smut pwease ( ；∀；) Overhaul and Chrono punishing quirkless reader for being an undercover reporter/agent but like orgasm denial... (Idk if you write this stuff but anyways do it if you want have a nice night) Can I request something like “Peaches and Cream” but with Piers instead? I know you’re busy with other requests, so don’t worry if you don’t have time for this one! I love love your writing!!! Hello beautiful can I just say how amazing ur writing is loll, can I request shigaraki having a crush on the reader and she knows about it, like one day shiggy just goes to her room when there on a mission and just steals her stuff and humps her pillows, but she has cameras in her room so she saw everything, long story short she shows him the videos and humiliates him (shiggy of course a mess and is close to crying from how embarrassing that is, lowkey turned on ) the reader takes care of him ( sorry I’m really bad at endings 🙏🏻😅) the reader pegs him until he’s a crying mess. By the way the reader is a female and shigaraki is a sub has a mommy kink and the reader is dom of that’s ok of course I love your writing!! May I ask for Diavolo x F!Reader with borderline disorder? 👉👈.. Lately it has been very difficult for me to deal with this alone and Diavolo is mine comfort character.. (NSFW Talk, If your a minor..then why are you even reading this?? Get off this 18+ page?? Anyways-). I am a huge sucker for overstimulation, biting and crying, (many of my past partners have called me a sadist-) and I just 𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑒 the idea of Tamaki’s cute face streaming with tears and drool as Male Reader vigorously overstims the fuck out of him. And he would look so 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑦 with his mouth gaping open in a silent scream of overwhelming pleasure because M!Reader gave his sensitive dick a handjob while he roughly railed Tamaki’s pretty little ass. (While abusing the fuck out of his G Spot, of course). I can just imagine him squirming and begging for mercy while M!Reader lovingly wrecks his body, taking him hard & fast in multiple different positions with each one making Tamaki wail with pleasure. He’s just so adorable, I just wanna see him get 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑝~ Lusty ❤︎ -Anon. Bonus Points if you could have M!Reader be super fuckin tall, muscular, strong and also be absolutely PACKING. (This man has a godly dick, and it’s honestly a surprise Tamaki can take it so well without literally breaking in half) ahhhh hewwo could you maybe write something with dbd ghostface going full apotheosis for his crush? as in,, he starts to elevate her to a status of divinity and even when she's just cowering in fear in front of him or conversely stabbing him and causing him lots of pain he just keeps viewing her as some sort of deity and  can't stop obsessing over her and wanting more from her

Again. I deeply apologize for not doing some. I wish I could, but (and this is not to guilt trip any of yall or anything, I understand that it'll sound like that it but it ain't it) sometimes the work I put into something and the feedback I get is sometimes not it. Like I'll work hard and get nothing and listen, I get it, its fanfic, there's a bit more stigma to it rather than art but yeah. Its a ramble, and basically, I don't wanna put work into something that I'll only get a few likes on. So yeah. Agains this isn't guilt tripping, I get it. I'm a consumer of it and I get the gist of it but yeah. More thoughts later, when I can properly sit and write as I am currently in a home depot 

[lokislittlecorner]

Show me your heart/chapter 1

Original Request by @wegingerangelica : Hey! I love your Little Corner! Will you write for me? I would love to read much physical and emotional comfort. After a brutal battle, Loki finds a young woman who had been injured and abused by the enemy, he feels (oddly) compassion for her, so he takes her to safety and nurses her back to health. And don't worry, I don't speak good English and I'm from the US! ha! Thank You!!

NOTES: Heya everyone! so as I already mentioned this will be a series, my first one to be honest. I finally had the courage to write one since as said before English isn't my first language and I was scared to take on such a big project. I'm planning to have around 6 chapters maybe more. I´m not sure if smut will be involved, I don´t think it will but if I will write it then in an extra chapter, so everyone can enjoy the series :3 Hope you all like it, have a lovely day.

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Injured reader, swear words.

( I will use fitting tags for every chapter)

Word count: 1600

(LOKI)

The mission was going smoothly, they had just taken out yet another hydra base in the middle of nowhere. Loki was to watch out for any hydra agents they had missed and were now on the run. The forest nearby seamed for a good hiding spot, so he decided to take a closer look at it. Quietly he crossed the tall trees the dead leaves on the ground made it hard for him to sneak around, suddenly he heard a soft whimper, quiet barely audible but he heard it. He followed the crying until he found the source of it was a... young woman? She was covered in blood and sweat, obviously, she came straight out of the hydra base they had just taken down. “Identify yourself mortal“ his voice was cold. He didn´t know if she was another agent or a hostage that had fled in the chaos. She couldn't respond, her mouth opened but no words came out. His expression softened and he kneeled next to her. She looked so weak as if she could break at any moment. Slowly he reached out wiping a little blood off of her face.

“Please...“ her voice was quiet and hoarse from all the crying. Little cuts and bruises some smaller others bigger covered her body, those couldn´t come from just this battle some looked like they were a few days old some were even healed completely. She must´ve escaped their torture while the fight was raging on.

He brushed a hand through his raven locks thinking, he couldn't leave her here, it was a strange feeling normally he didn't care about humans, at least not that much as to safe one but she was just different. A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he lifted her up into his arms, carefully to not hurt her even more. A groan was heard from her as she began to tremble in his arms “ Don´t be scared, I won't hurt you.“

He quickly made his way back to the jet passing the trees and bushes once again. The others were already waiting for him, looking quite surprised as they saw him with a half-dead woman in his arms and how she was shaking in fear. “Who is she?“ Rogers was the first one to speak curious about what Loki did this time. “I don´t know, I found her in the woods near the base.''Loki took a closer look at her figure, trembling in his arms, still letting out quiet whimpers and a painful expression on her face.

“Since when do you rescue people? Normally we have to clean after you, searching for the people you left behind“ Natasha spoke up visibly suspicious of him. He only rolled his eyes as an answer, not wanting to explain himself right now. He didn't even quite understand it himself, why he picked her up. Why didn't he just let her die there? No one would´ve noticed, surrounded by trees and animals of the wild, she would´ve never been found. slowly fading away all alone. “Let's just head back. I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to or do you like my company that much?“ A grin appeared on his face as he entered the jet, no one spoke up, only mumbling and cursing was heard. They definitely didn't want to spend any more time than needed with him since their trust in him was still very small to none.

After New York, when things settled down a bit Thor made a deal with the Avengers. Loki was to stay on earth and be an actual part of them, at first he was kept locked away in his cell months passed until he was let out and allowed to move freely, at least in the tower and another few months until he was taken on missions. He didn't want to return to Asgard, not yet at least. They still hated him for what he had caused back then, not understanding what really happened but he also didn't care to explain. Who would believe the god of lies after all? Trust was something that was not given to him easily, especially not on earth.

Once at the tower he carried her to the room that was given to him, placing her on the bed, carefully so he wouldn't cause any more damage to her already injured body. A groan left her lips as she shifted a bit. Humans were just so weak, sometimes he even wondered how they survived on a daily basis. He vanished into the bathroom that was attached to the room, returning with a wet cloth. He couldn't remove the clothes she was wearing right now just imagining her waking up in different clothing thinking he had seen her bare and naked that wouldn't make a good first impression but he could at least wash her clean from any remaining blood that was sticking to her skin. He sat at the edge of the bed softly wiping away the dried blood on her face. He could finally see her (Y/S/C) skin from under all the dirt, it was quite beautiful he had to admit, she in general was quite beautiful. Now that her face didn't have that tortured expression anymore he could see how innocent she actually looked how soft.

He continued to clean her from the blood and dirt until she looked quite normal again, well except from the still torn and bloodied clothes. She had taken a shot in the thigh and was stabbed right over her hip. she could call herself really lucky he found her or else she wouldvé just died right there. He inspected the wound on her thigh closely, the bullet didn't seem to be inside anymore, maybe she even took it out herself. He shook his head, placing a hand on the bloody wound. He couldn't do much now but he could at least ease the pain and make sure that it wouldn't open up again. He did the same to the stab wound on her side. Once he was satisfied with his work he placed the blanket over her shielding her from his cold room he was a frost giant after all he didn't mind the cold so why should he bother to heat up his room? She let out a content sigh, visibly thankful for the warmth of the covers. 

Loki decided to let her sleep, her body definitely needed to rest and he wouldn't just sit there and watch her the whole time. He got up from the bed, grabbing the book from the nightstand that he had left there this morning. He looked back at her taking in her presence, before he let himself down on the couch, legs crossed one arm behind his head, beginning to read where he had left off. He didn't even notice how sleep claimed him taking him slowly away.

He was woken up by painful groans. It was already dark outside, the only light that filled the room was that of the moon shining through the curtains. It seemed like she had woken up but when he made his way over to the bed she was tossing and turning. She was in the middle of a nightmare so it seemed. He let out a sigh as he softly grabbed her shoulder shaking her awake. 

(Y/N)

I felt how I was ripped out of my dream. A dream? Was I not in the base anymore? Pain shot through me as I remembered what had happened and panic filled my every cell. My eyes shot open the darkness wouldn't allow me to see much. The only thing that was visible, was the tall figure beside me basically towering over me. A gasp left my lips as I hastily tried to get away but once again pain shot through me, I could barely move. "Calm down, I won't hurt you." This voice was familiar but I couldn't quite place from where I could have known it. He definitely was no one from the base. I would've recognized him. "Who are you and where am I?" My voice was shakier than I had expected, one could clearly hear how scared I was. The man let out a sigh. It sounded rather annoyed. "I am Loki Odison, the god of mischief" I felt how I sucked the air in, holding my breath in shock. He must´ve noticed how scared I was since he took a step back holding his hands up. “I am not here to hurt you. I was the one who found you.” The memory of the events before I passed out came back to my mind and I remembered what had happened. I remembered how I tried to scream for help but just a quiet plea left me. I remembered how he took me in his arms and how everything went dark as I lost my consciousness.

He really didn't seem to want to harm me. He would've done so already if his intentions were bad but still, I couldn't trust him, not yet. "Then where am I?" So many questions were banging around in my head but he didn't mind answering them so it seemed. "You're in the tower of the Avengers. I brought you here after I found you back in the woods." I nodded slowly taking in every bit of information that I could get. I noticed how he shifted a bit as if he was nervous and one more question came to my mind. "Why did you safe me?"

TAG LIST:  @schneeprinzesschen @arianoct @aoirohi @worshipping-skarsgard @unknownwonder @fatallyfalling @harleymoxley

[falseroar]

Dog Days Part 3: Slow Recovery

((Jameson and Marvin are relieved when their friend finally wakes up, but it’s clear Y/N still has a lot of recovering left to do, and not just physically.

Link to Part 2, and to the series as a whole here.))

When the wolf woke, Jameson felt the paw shift slightly beneath his hand, the brief tension before they relaxed again. He looked at the barely opened silver eyes and tried to snap his fingers to get the attention of the man seated in the other chair in the exam room before resorting to kicking him in the shin.

“Hhh-I’m awake,” Marvin muttered as he straightened up, his voice husky with sleep. “What is it, JJ?”

At Jameson’s gesture, the magician was quickly up and standing next to him beside the wolf that nearly covered the entire padded exam table.

“Y/N?” Marvin asked, only to be answered by a weak whine from the wolf. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s me, it’s Marvin, and Jameson, we—”

He hesitated and looked at Jameson, who only stared down at the wolf with sadness everywhere from his eyes to the droop of his shoulders as he gently rubbed the wolf’s bandaged paw.

“You’re going to be okay,” Marvin tried again. “This clinic belongs to Dr. Schneeplestein, we wrote about him to you, remember? He’s the one who—he took the bullet out of your…”

Marvin trailed off. It had been hard enough, standing there in the operating room and using his magic to keep you asleep while the doctor worked. Even the doctor wasn’t sure if anesthetic would have any effect on a werewolf, and he seemed just as surprised as Marvin when he retrieved the misshapen bullet from your chest, only for the wound to immediately close and leave nothing but a scar behind.

He still remembered the clink of metal as the doctor dropped the bullet on the tray beside him before his eyes met Marvin’s, the doctor’s voice muffled behind his mask as he said only one word.

“Silver.”

As if he heard his name, or probably because he had heard it, there was a knock at the door before the click of the lock and Schneeplestein poked his head into the room.

“The patient is awake, yes? May I come in?”

He started to walk in without waiting for an answer, only to pause when the wolf on the table sat up so quickly that Jameson startled back while Marvin quickly reached for the line leading to the wolf’s other leg.

“Careful, Y/N, your IV!”

“Ah.” The doctor nodded as if he had been expecting this and carefully closed the door behind him before he said, “Perhaps I should address zhe elephant in zhe air first.”

Jameson and Marvin paused at that before Jameson signed, “I think you mean ‘elephant in the room.’”

“Close enough,” Schneeplestein said, dismissing the matter with a wave of his hand. “Please allow me to introduce myself, Y/N. I am Dr. Henrik von Schneeplestein, a very good doctor if I say so myself, who also happens to be a vampire. You have my vord that I have no intention of hurting anyone in zhis room.”

The wolf on the table stared in the doctor’s direction with those silver eyes, ears twitching as though gauging the reactions of the other two men before they eased back into lying down.

“Ah, very good,” Schneeplestein said, and the wolf’s ear twitched again when the doctor let go of the breath he had been holding in, the tension easing out of his shoulders. “It is a pleasure to meet zhe Y/N Marvin and JJ speak so highly of.”

He stepped as close to the table as he dared and held out his hand, quietly noting how long it took for the wolf to react before they awkwardly raised a paw and moved it in his general direction if nowhere actually near his hand. He caught the paw and gave it a gentle shake before letting go and asking, “May I take a closer look at zhe patient?”

There was another, different kind of pause before the wolf’s head dipped once in a nod, and the doctor’s face lit into a smile.

“Fantastic! First I am checking zhe chest area from zhe surgery,” he said, gently raising the wolf’s leg as he spoke so that he could get a clear look at their chest, where only a white, livid scar in the shaved area marked where the wound had been only hours beforehand. “And now I will check again for any broken bones or other issues, okay? Let me know if zhere is any pain, preferably without any biting zhe doctor.”

He meant it as a joke, but the second he placed his hands on either side of the wolf’s head and began moving down their spine the wolf’s lips rolled back to reveal a set of very healthy teeth. Knowing that the wolf was trying very hard to restrain their reaction somehow did not make the examination any easier, but the doctor continued to gently check the area. There was no sign of anything out of line until he pushed back the tangled mess of fur and saw the skin underneath.

He hissed to himself and began to check the rest of the wolf’s back and chest. He had noticed the inflammation during the surgery, but had assumed at the time that it was just around the wound. Now he could see that it was so widespread that it seemed to cover the wolf from head to tail.

“Like burns,” he murmured to himself. “Zhere must be something to help with zhat, but it will be difficult with all zhis fur.”

“Would it help if they changed back?” Jameson signed before looking at the wolf. “Don’t you think it would be more comfortable, Y/N?”

“Jameson,” Dr. Schneeplestein said, as gently as he could.

“Or are you afraid it will hurt? Maybe if the doc can take out the IV first—”

“Zhey cannot see you, Jameson,” Dr. Schneeplestein interrupted. He drew a penlight from his pocket and shined it in the wolf’s eyes without any reaction from them, confirming his suspicions. The light illuminated the cloud of silver that completely covered their eyes, hiding any sign of movement or recognition underneath. “Another side effect from long exposure to zhe silver mirror, I think.”

Silence greeted his words, and Jameson’s hands dropped mid sign as he looked from the doctor to the wolf in disbelief.

“It’s not permanent, is it?” Marvin asked, and the wolf’s ears fell.

“It is too soon to tell,” Schneeplestein answered with a sigh. “We can hope, yes, but I do not know for certain.”

“I mean, their chest healed as soon as the bullet was out, so why can’t…” Marvin reached under his mask to rub at his own eyes. “Maybe we missed something? Jameson is right, Y/N if you could just change back it would make this so much easier.”

The wolf did not respond, and when Jameson reached for their paw again they pulled away, shifting until their back was against the wall, their body curled in on itself except for the leg with the IV attached which remained sticking out.

Jameson and Marvin shared a glance, and Marvin gave a tentative “Y/N?”

The wolf just closed their eyes, and when Marvin started to try again Dr. Schneeplestein cleared his throat and said, “Perhaps ve could speak outside? Y/N is still needing rest, after all.”

Outside the room, in the short hallway that connected the three examination rooms to the front of the small clinic, a young man slouched in a chair looked up from his phone and sat up at the sight of the other two.

Before he could ask about the patient, JJ’s hands moved quickly, signing so fast that it was all the other three could do to keep up.

“What’s wrong? Can they not change back? Maybe whatever fiend locked them away in that mirror performed some kind of magic—”

“I think I would have sensed it, as long as I’ve been with them,” Marvin interrupted. “But if there’s a physical reason…”

He looked meaningfully at the doctor, who could only shrug. “I cannot rule it out. Zhey have been through so much, yes, but perhaps zhat is all zhe more reason not to change back?”

He waited, and when the other three still seemed confused, Schneeplestein said, “What would you do, if zhey changed back now?”

Jameson mimed a hug, but Marvin’s immediate answer was, “Find out who did this to them.”

His tone did more to suggest what would happen once he got a name, and the young man with the phone looked from the magician to the other two with visible unease before he said, “That’s what the doctor means, right?”

“What?” Marvin asked, realizing too late that came out harsher than he meant it to. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Well, I just know that when I’d been through some…bad stuff, the last thing I wanted to do was immediately relive it by telling someone, you know?” He rubbed the back of his neck, his red-rimmed eyes meeting Marvin’s before quickly looking away.

Schneeplestein nodded. “Exactly, Chase. I can do what I can, but Y/N is needing time, and understanding, not question, question, question.”

Marvin clenched his fists but nodded to show he understood, while Jameson ran his hand up and down his arm before signing, “I should go back in there. I don’t want to leave them alone, again.”

“Yeah, I’ll—" Marvin cut himself off with a jaw-cracking yawn and the doctor shook his head.

“You both should be going home and getting some sleep. It is too late in zhe morning for me to leave, so I will be staying here anyways.”

“No offense, Doc, but it’s not the same,” Jameson signed. “Y/N will feel better with someone they know around!”

“Somehow, I still feel offended,” Schneeplestein muttered, but he added a smile to show that he was joking. “JJ, zhey vill be fine, but zhere is zhe cot in zhe supply closet if you insist on staying. But Marvin, you have used up so much magic, you need real sleep.”

“We can trade off staying with them,” Marvin suggested, if only because his swimming head combined with the way every little noise felt like an attack on his senses to leave him little will to argue. “Chase, you coming?”

“I actually just told Schneep I’d swing by the store for him and pick up a few things once they open,” Chase answered before looking down at his phone. “I can text Jackie, he’ll probably want to walk you home.”

“Pass,” Marvin muttered under his breath, but the younger man didn’t seem to notice. “Jameson, Henrik, you two let me know immediately if anything happens.”

“Will do,” Jameson signed while the doctor nodded with a gesture to shoo the magician on his way out.

Chase waved and followed Marvin out the hallway’s door to the empty waiting room of the closed clinic, and both had barely stepped outside and locked the door behind them before a man in a red hoodie stepped up to them, seemingly coming out of nowhere.

“Don’t do that,” Marvin said, too tired to jump despite Jackie’s sudden arrival.

“No one’s around,” Jackie answered, gesturing at the empty street. Dawn wasn’t that long ago, and even the early morning joggers hadn’t strayed this way yet. “Chase said your friend woke up. Have they told you what happened?”

“No,” Marvin said, immediately regretting the decision to shake his head. “We won’t know anything until they’re ready to change back and talk to us.”

“Hm.”

Marvin’s eyes snapped up to meet Jackie’s. “What?”

Jackie seemed to consider playing it off before going straight for honesty. “I told you, something about all of this feels off.”

Chase looked from the magician to his friend before asking, “What do you mean?”

“These guys have been looking for their friend for years, and suddenly Marvin just ‘senses’ them out of nowhere? Marvin, you told me yourself you’d been to that house before, multiple times, but there was no sign of anything except…the thing that used to be there. Why would they show up now?”

“We went over this last night,” Marvin said, his jaw tense as he tried to keep what few shreds of his patience was left, “There are a hundred reasons why. Maybe my magic got stronger, maybe that particular entity has grown weaker, maybe Y/N had enough strength to try and reach out through the mirror for help, or maybe, just maybe, I just screwed up before. Maybe I just missed something so incredibly obvious that it took this long for me to notice, okay?”

Jackie seemed visibly surprised when the magician’s shoulders sank and he was quick to say, “I didn’t mean—Marvin, you know that’s not what I meant, I just—”

Marvin cut him off with a raised hand, his other reaching up underneath his mask to rub at his eyes again. “Look, I just need to go home and get some sleep, okay?”

“I’ll go with you,” Jackie said, possibly more than a little eager to make up for what just happened.

“Don’t worry, I don’t need a bodyguard,” Marvin said, his words slurring together now. “Keep an eye on Chase or JJ or…whatever, I don’t care.”

He was already walking away, and Jackie looked helplessly from him to Chase.

Chase rolled his eyes and said, “If you want to keep an eye on him, do it. The rest of us can take care of ourselves for a little while.”

“Call or text if you need anything,” Jackie said, hesitating briefly before he added, “And just…keep an eye on the wolf, okay? Something about all of this just feels off.”

“…Yeah, I will.”

Chase and Jackie shared a look before Jackie went jogging after the magician to catch up with him before he could jaywalk across the street.

For a moment, just a moment, Chase felt the cold chill of being watched. He made a show of looking down at his phone, while underneath the brim of his hat he scanned the street, but there was no one else to be seen except for the pair lightly squabbling as they walked away.

The feeling passed and he tried to shake it off, but he double checked that the front door to Schneeplestein’s clinic was locked before he walked away, glancing over his shoulder as he did so.

With as much care as he took, Chase still missed the shadow on the other side of the street that was there one second and gone the next.

((Thanks for reading part 3! I actually titled this part after writing the rest of this note, but: I guess if it isn’t clear already, the District Attorney is going to be recovering from a lot in this story. The physical issues at least are temporary, but they’re not going to have a full bounce back after coming out of the mirror. That’s why the first few parts with them are going to be on the slower side, but they are building up to something, I promise.

Link to Part 4: Information Exchange.

Tagging: @silver-owl413 @skyewardlight @withjust-a-bite @blackaquokat @catgirlwarrior @neverisadork @luna1350 @oh-so-creepy @weirdfoxalley @95fangirl @lilalovesinternet-l @thepoolofthedead @a-bit-dapper @randomartdudette @geekymushroom @cactipresident @hotcocoachia @purple-anxiety-blog @shyinspiredartist @avispate @missksketch ))

[stellarboystyles]

okay here are my wip’s tell me pls which one you want me to post first!!!!!! thx in advance <3 also i am working on the next part of Living in Daydreams so that doesn’t count for this (: 

Ghost Boy - Ghost AU

The drive was only a few minutes of what felt like an eternity. Max breaks the silence as Rhys turns off Harry’s road and onto the dirt path and the woods come into view.

“It’s not him.” he repeatedly shakes his head. “It can’t be him.”

“It’s not him.” Niall’s voice is firm, but shaky from the unknown. “It’s not.”

There’s an ambulance and two police cars parked just before the line of brush. Yellow and black tape mark off the area between two trees. 

It’s not him. It’s not him. It’s not him.

The car jerks to a stop and all four doors are pushed open. Isla is jogging up to where the ambulance and two police cars are parked, flashes of red and blue spinning. 

She spots Detective Ripley and looks for a reaction, a feeling, something.

“Is it him?”

The rational part of her knows he isn’t going to tell her, not now, but her emotions don’t care. His face is panged with dread, all the color drained from his face. Once she nearly reaches the police tape that he’s standing behind, she’s determined to get an answer.

“I know you went down there.” she challenges, voice out of breath from running as her lungs struggle against the cold air, trying to yell. “Tell me, just tell me if it isn’t him-”

Her peripheral vision catches two officers stepping out of the brush with evidence bags. One had a cross necklace inside. The other had one white Vans shoe.

With pink laces.

“Isla, wait.”

Looking back on this day, she thinks that when Niall yelled out her name, he must have seen at the exact same time that she did, or he might not have caught up with her.

Two paramedics, wheeling out a gurney that wasn’t empty, a white sheet placed over a body.

No.

“No!”

She feels her heart shatter as her emotions simultaneously grow frantic and she forces her legs to sprint. 

“Isla, no!”

Niall grabs her left shoulder, nearly tackling her as she falls to the ground, and to this day all she can remember from this moment is screaming the word no, over and over again. Niall’s palm pulls her head into his shoulder.

“Don’t look. You can’t.”

Medicine - 70s Rockstar AU

Charlie was woken up out of what felt like the best sleep of her life, which she wasn’t too happy about. Snuggled up inside the warmth of fluffy blankets, she was less than thrilled that her mind and body were pulled out of sleep by a sound. It wasn’t loud enough to jolt her awake or anything, but loud enough. 

She thinks that maybe it’s just starting to rain, a heavy drop against the glass of her bedroom window, but then she hears it again and realises that there's no way it’s that. It’s louder, and sharper. The confusion of what the origin of the noise could be grew after she heard it again. 

Her brows furrow as she sits up in bed, rubbing her eyes after sluggishly pushing the covers off her top half when she hears it again. After reaching over to flick on the lamp on her bedside table, she pushes herself out of bed and shuffles towards her window, muscles still slow moving from having just woken up.

Peeking out the window, she sees a head of dark curls and the visual sends sparks to her heart. His mouth breaks into the biggest grin when he sees her expression. Surprised at first, then filled with pure joy. She wastes no time in unlocking the window and pushing it up, letting the night’s cool breeze flow into the room.

“Harry!” her face lights up, gripping the sill of the window. “What’re you doing here?”

“Happy t’see me?” he laughs.

She nodded, still in awe of how he pulled this. “How’d you get in?”

“Climbed the fence.” he gives a sheepish smile, avoiding her gaze with his hands behind his back, fingers intertwined with each other. “You look beautiful.”

Charlie highly, highly doubts that Harry can even see her from down there. It’s pitch black, the moon being the only light source this late.

“I just woke up.”

“So?” his brows furrow, frowning slightly. The fact that he looks almost offended by her words makes her laugh, which makes him smile big. “You’re still the prettiest girl ‘ve ever seen in m’life.”

“Guess what?”

She looks down at him expectantly, waiting for an answer. When he doesn’t reply, instead mirroring her expression, she lets out a nervous giggle. “What?”

“I love you.”

“Shhh!” she whips her head to look behind her in a gesture that her siblings are awake, not to mention her dad. “Someone’ll hear you.”

“I don’t care, Char.” he climbs onto the steps with outstretched arms. “Charlotte Florence Flynn, I love you!” 

There’s a trellis against the house that reaches all the way up to her bedroom window, because fucking of course there is. He climbs halfway up until his feet slip on some of the ivy vines.

“Shit.”

“Harry!” she scolds gently. “Just get down, please? I’ll come down.”

“S’fine, ‘ve got it.” he grumbles, eventually managing to get all the way up to the edge of the roof, but not without a few curse words tumbling past his lips. climbing onto the surface.

“You’re crazy.” she giggles, arm outstretched and ready to help him crawl inside.

“Crazy for you.” he breathes, swinging one foot over the window sill so that one leg is dangling inside, and one outside as he sits. 

“You make me feel alive.” he breathes, leaning back against the window pane. “When I’m around you, I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“Doesn’t sound like you feel alive, it sounds like I’m killing you.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me, m’sure of that.” he promises with a wink, chest rising and falling quicker than usual as his fingers dance against hers before lifting them up to his lips and pressing a delicate kiss to the back of her hand.  

“C’mere.” she’s gently tugging on his hand that’s holding hers, reaching for his other hand and of course he obliges. Swinging his other leg into her bedroom, where she was currently being held in by virtual house arrest, he pushes himself off the inside ledge, stepping onto the floor and feeling the shag carpeting underneath his sneakers.

“I missed you.” 

“I missed you too.” 

Her soft voice leaves him wanting more, but not for what she’s about to say.

“I...we can’t see each other anymore.”

“What?” confusion crosses his face and her heart pangs with guilt. “What...what did I do?”

“No, no.” she’s shaking her head, hands lifting up to cradle his cheeks. “You didn’t do anything.”  

“Then what is it?” he frowns, eyes sparkling as he leans into her touch.

“It’s my dad.” her words are barely above a whisper. She really didn’t want to tell him, because that’s when it would become real. The moment that the two star crossed lovers’ connection would be forever broken. They’d be forced to see each other in passing, Charlie knows that there’s no way she could avoid him forever. Either reality is torture, really. “He said he’ll drop you and the band if we don’t stop seeing each other.”

He didn’t have just himself to think about. If that were the case, he would've dropped everything to be with her without a second thought.

“M’not gonna choose this over you.” 

Origin of Love - College Roommate AU

“Let’s go over it one more time.”

His determined nature leaves her throat suddenly dry. “Okay.”

“Chemistry.” he nods. “We have chemistry, yeah?”

She nods in agreement, but he’s not finished.

“I see the way you look at me.” her heart is pounding in her ears as he shrugs. “And I know you see the way I look at you.”

“Proximity.” her eyes flit to the side, avoiding his gaze. He, however, hasn’t stopped studying her face. “We live together, so I think we’ve got that covered. Next, similarity.” he takes a step closer to her. “Like attracts like.”

She wanted to say it. She wanted to say it. Why couldn’t she just-

“Complementarity. We compliment each other, don’t ya think?”

“I...” she takes a breath. “I think so.”

“So why the hell are you holding out on me?”

[lilakyy]

SPAMANO FANFIC RECOMMENDATIONS

Fanfiction means a lot to me.because that´s how I learned to speak English fluently, which is why I´ve been wanting to do this for a long time but I thought that no one would be interested in this. I realized that even if just one person discovers a fic they like because of me then that´s good enough. So, here it is: a shit ton of spamano.

(I didn´t include George Devalier because I feel like everyone knows about his stories by now)

Neighbours 

Antonio and Lovino live in the same neighbourhood but don't know each other personally. Lovino sees Antonio jogging every day and quite enjoys his tan and shirtlessness. Lovi tries to get Toni to notice him by conveniently gardening or getting the mail or w/e at the same time that the other jogs, but they end up meeting by something unplanned, awkward, and cute.

This is from the kink meme and it´s really cute- perfect for when you need to cheer up!

The rose family by thegoliathbeetle​

Antonio was the best football player in the high school team. Until a certain Lovino Vargas arrives. Lovino is gifted, ruthless, and brilliant on the field. Antonio finds it all rather endearing, much to Lovino's chagrin. And somehow, this has something to do with 'being true to yourself' and all that jazz. -Spamano oneshot. Human AU.

This is one of my all time favoirtes when it comes to Hetalia Fanfiction in general, extremely cute and brilliantly written.

The Prince and the Pauper by 78meg9

When Prince Feliciano goes missing, it is up to a poor servant boy Romano to step in to take his place and thwart an evil plan to take over the kingdom. However, falling in love was something neither one anticipated. Based off Barbie's Princess and the Pauper.

This fic is exactly what it sounds like. It was a really fun read for me :)

Singles by StarsMadeinHeaven

AU Antonio, Francis, and Gilbert are three friends who suffered their first heartbreaks at the age of fifteen, and made a pact to never fall in love again. That will change for Antonio when he first lays eyes on a brown-haired young man in a club...

we need to talk about this fanfic, it´s absolutely gorgeous and kept me on edge the whole time

A new life by Sheena Wilde

Slave AU. Owing huge family debts, Antonio is made a slave to the Vargas household and a personal servant to Lovino, but the wealthy patrician seems not to recognize him from their shared childhood, and the sex only complicates things.

It‘s been quite a while since I‘ve read this one but I remember liking it a lot!

una notte a napoli by Alexander Ryan

Antonio visits Naples with some old friends, Gilbert and Francis. During a drunken night, Antonio finds himself at the beach to hear a gentle song being carried upon the breeze. Atop a balcony is a man Antonio deems as an angel, but alas, as soon as this 'angel' spots him, he retreats back into the house, leaving Antonio to stand there, alone. The next day, they run into each other again - quite literally - and to apologize for being drunk and staring that night, Antonio offers to buy Lovino lunch and a sweet. Lovino begrudgingly agrees and thus, romance sparks. The problem? Antonio's only in Naples for a week.

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THIS FANFIC! I actually started learning Italian because of this. It’s really beautiful, extremely sad. Also- I‘m sorry to my friends that were annoyed by me talking about this fic.

An antipodean tale of love by ChibiAnimefreak

Antonio and Lovino have been friends for as long as either of them can remember, but when one day "friends" is pushed just a bit farther, how will they deal with it? And how far will they go?

This one is beautiful as well! The emotional conflict is very well written and even the smut part is very well written.

Promise me tomorrow by watanabemaya

For there are no words which could ever suffice to express just how much they mean to each other; and yet, as Spain wraps his arms around the small of his frame, Romano knows that that alone is enough. It isn't much, but it is enough. / SpaMano oneshot.

Ahhhh I just love how the characters and their relationship are written in this one!

The gaming of the shrew by Shadowcatxx

This story is a Hetalia-spoof based on Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew (1593-4). Lovino Vargas is a rich Italian heir, whose shrewish nature can't be tamed. Enter the fortune-hunter, Antonio Fernández Carriedo. When a scheming group of courtiers—keen to wed Feliciano—convince the Spaniard to marry Lovino to take him off the market, Antonio accepts the offer, which soon becomes a rough-and-tumble farce the wily Spaniard is determined to win.

I really really really like this story and since I’m a huge nerd for both literature and history I absolutely fell in love. (Also it‘s incredibly funny)

Five times Romano unintentionally made Spain blush by darkhue

...and one time he did it on purpose.

Extremely fluffy, will make you smile. Simple and cute :)

The Phone Call From Across the Hallway by TheGoliathBeetle

Lovino wakes up at 2.37 am to a phone call from Antonio, who ideally should be in bed with him, but is not. Antonio is sick, and Lovino tries very hard to keep his cool. -Spamano, Human AU, one-shot, sickfic-

Another cute and fluffy oneshot that I didn‘t know I needed in my life.

Cupid fired the shooting star by TheGoliathBeetle

Romano 'Lovino' Vargas wants nothing more than to distance himself from his grandfather and his murky illegal business. When a shooting star streaks across the sky, Lovino's friends make wishes. And the next day, a mysterious new student named Antonio turns up in class. So starts a cycle of wishing, fulfillment and a lot of red carnations. College AU Spamano. Two-shot.

Ok ok ok. We need to talk about this fanfic. It is so goddamn beautiful that I still feel like crying every time I think about it. Another one of those fics that all my non-hetalian friends know about because I couldn‘t stop talking about it when I first read it.

We the dreamers by TheGoliathBeetle

New York City, 1940: Antonio is a recently arrived refugee from Spain, a scarred soldier with firm political convictions. For Lovino, everything is pointless and nothing ever lasts. The two of them live, love and dream desperately, as World War Two threatens to take it all away. -Spamano, three-shot-

Very dark but incredibly beautiful. One of these fanfics that give you the kind of excitement that only a good story can give you.

Bottoms! Up by SunnyDayinFebruary

Follow Lovino on his weird and, well, at least quite interesting trip around Europe in order to find out some of the greatest secrets ever about himself, Europe, tomato-shaped alarm clocks and the past of his lovely, but complicated Spanish partner. This story is actually a part two, which I didn‘t read and I don‘t think it is required to but in case you want to read it, you can find it here

I just love this story so much, it‘s incredibly cute and funny (like really really really funny) and made me fall in love with every hetalia character mentioned. Also, this has like 80 long chapters so get ready for a long term relationship with this fanfic.

Spin the bottle by 78meg9

If you're going to play spin the bottle, you've got to have the balls to kiss people. At least that's what Lovino thinks. 

a really cute and fluffy oneshot

Of vending mashines and night clubs by bubbleteadesu

AU (human names used) ; Lovino Vargas is an aspiring artist who struggles with the pressure of having a world-renowned landscape artist as his brother. Antonio Fernandez Carriedo is a jobless man, who enjoys living in the present (too much, actually) and takes life one step at a time. A chance meeting one winter night by a certain bright red vending machine leads to another and another until they form an unlikely friendship. One day, Antonio is offered a job as a bartender at his friend's bar and he asks Lovino to work with him there. As they begin to spend more time together, Lovino is confronted by Antonio's new feelings for him and his own feelings for Antonio. But, is he ready to accept them?

I´m so in love with the way the characters are written- especially Lovino! It´s really to write him in a way that isn´t annoying to read while still remaining true to the character; which is what this author did in a really beautiful way.

Bad hair day by spinyfruit

Lovino works at a hair salon and Antonio's a daily customer who comes by with any excuse so he can talk. To figure out how to get Antonio to like him, Lovino visits Emma (Belgium) quite often, and unintentionally makes Antonio jealous. Then the game of wooing begins. - Spamano fluffiness - ONESHOT.

Really cute and a quick read that´ll leave you grinning like an idiot

Haze by ChampagneSly

A random AU in which Romano is best friends with Veronika, who happens to be engaged to Alfred, who happens to also be Romano’s friend. Veronika has a bachelorette party and Romano, in his role as incredibly charming and handsome gay BFF, attends. Alfred would like details, please. Romano wishes he could remember what happened after the fourth gin martini.                       Oh, and Spain’s a stripper.

This fic is really cute and funny, I´ve read it about ten times and I recommend everyone else to do so as well.

Rebels in a sleeping city by norvegiae

"I felt like we were in limbo, two blindingly awake rebels in this sleeping city. I didn't know your reasons for being up and about. But, you were, and so was I, grinning at you like it was going out of fashion."

the kind of fanfic that will make you cry at 3 am but it´ll be worth it because it´s just so beautiful

How to care for your spain by AlexanderRyan

A guide written and published by Romano Italia. Strong (basically obvious) hints to Spamano.

really cute, simple + AlexanderRyan´s beautiful writing style

Change in routine by Roxi2Star

A look at Lovino and Antonio's changing morning routine.

I come back to reading this fic almost every month. It´s a really cute and fluffy OS that is written in a very interesting way.

The art of flying by TheGoliathBeetle

They’re both a little bit damaged, a little bit unscathed. Lovino can only truly see the world when Antonio describes it to him. Words can be magical, words can drive the darkness away. –Spamano one-shot. Blind!Lovino, Writer!Antonio, College AU-

kinda sad but really really beautiful, describes their relationship in a beautiful way.

Underwater Land  by satsukiarisa

Human names and A.U: Antonio was a merman. Lovino hated water. It was truly a match made in heaven.

This one is very sweet and funny and I really enjoyed readig it :)

The Romantic Developments of Antonio and Lovino Through Texts by Spinyfruit

Texting started gaining popularity in 1999, but it wasn't until the year 2007 that iPhones came out: then shit got serious and countries started texting each other. This is the story of how one happy-go-lucky idiot, and one stubborn idiot finally get together. It only took a few hundred years. Mainly Spamano with side FrUK, PruCan, Gerita, AmeriPan, and others.

ahhhh I love this one so much...I really like the texting theme!

Braces by Roxi2Star

Antonio just got braces, and is feeling very self conscious of them. Maybe Lovino, a cute kid in his grade ho also has them can make him feel better about having braces, and maybe realize their not so bad. Ok so maybe he becomes less self conscious of them, but in the braces are a pain. Especially when their stuck to another pair.

I was really happy when I rediscovered this one, as someone who had to wear braces for five years in total this is even funnier to me...

(Non Spamano Fanfiction) 

Asylum (Usuk GerIta)  by thealphagay

1963; Feliciano Vargas is the newest patient at Bitterwell Mental Asylum. One problem, there's nothing wrong with him. Trying to escape will be hard, trying to understand the dark asylum will be even harder. Because behind those gated walls are torturous methods, strange patients, and even stranger doctors.

Based loosely off American Horror Story: Asylum

i know i know this is a spamano masterlist but I really think that this fic deserves more appreciation , because it´s really cool. I had a lot of fun reading it even tho I normally don´t like Usuk that much.

[darknessisafriend]

The world will be ours Sequel Part 1

It’s finally here! the long awaited sequel to this wonderful Commodus x Reader fic and I hope you will enjoy it ! It will be in 2 parts :)

This fic can be read independently, and if you are interest in reading the previous fic  part 1, part 2, part 3,  part 4, part 5  

This fic follows the life of Commodus with you, you had two beautiful, children, he is finally happy and loved but then something terrible happens...

6 years later  

It had been 6 years since the fight in the arena and your first pregnancy. And since then you had given birth to another child, a boy named Valens who was three years old now. And everything was going well; the Empire was in peace and full of wealth, the Emperor was finally getting along with the Senate. And Commodus was being an amazing father; you had never seen him smile so much.

You spent a lot of time taking care of your kids now, and you were glad Commodus had accepted to partly rely on the Senate, it was one less worry for you. And taking care of your children was as exhausting as dealing with the Senate, maybe even more. You were in charge of teaching and feeding them, you could have asked childminders to take care of them for these tasks but it was important to you to spend time with them, they already didn´t see their father so much, they needed to know family was important and that they were loved. Commodus agreed more than anything with it, he had suffered too much from the absence of his father and did his best to be there for them. Thankfully, Lucilla often helped you, after all she had raised Lucius, she knew how to deal with children.  

However, there was one thing Commodus had still trouble with; to have someone else pick your attention, he was so used that you had only eyes for him and now his own flesh and blood was stealing you from him! So, he always did or said silly things to make you take care of him, you often pretended to be annoyed but you actually found it very cute, just like today.

“Y/N I´m in urgent need of your care!” he said urgently as he arrived in the room where you were watching over the kids with Lucilla. You turned to him with a worried frown.  

“What is it?” you asked with concern. Quickly, you got up and came to rest your palm on his forehead to check for fever, you realized he was holding his left hand against his torso.

“I cut myself.” he said as he showed you his index, it was a small cut, barely bleeding, you sighed, hiding a smile.

“Love, it´s a paper cut...” you stated, arching an eyebrow, it was almost impressive at how many ideas he could find to have you take care of him.  

“But it terribly hurts.” he pouted looking to the side, was he sulking!? A chuckle escaped your lips, he had a really cute pouting face.

“Lucilla, can you watch over Valens? I need to take care of our severely injured warrior.” you asked her with a grin; she laughed at your comment, her brother had always had a childish personality.  

You guided your husband to the bedroom, and made him sit on the bed as you went to take a bowl of water and a clean piece of cloth, you sat close to him, your thigh against his, you gently took his hand to clean the small cut; he hissed at the contact of the clothe against it.

“Don´t be a baby, you´ve been through worse.” you laughed at how childish he behaved. When you had finished, you brought his hand to your lips, gently kissing his injured finger, he exhaled in satisfaction.  

“Y/N, I suddenly have a headache, it must be the fatigue, maybe a kiss would make me feel better?” he began with a hint of hope in his tone. You retained a laugh and played along, kissing his forehead, his hand came to caress your lower back, and you suddenly wished you had time for more.  

“Does your lips hurt too Commodus?” you flirted; his eyes traveled down to your lips.

“Very much...” he breathed with desire; you grinned as you placed your lips on his in a loving kiss, you giggled as he pushed you down on the mattress, you buried your fingers in his hair. How right it felt to be in his arms, the kiss went deeper and his hands started to travel down your body.  

“We should get back...” you said between kisses; you missed the time where you both spent hours in each other's arms but now you had a happy and loving family to take care of; something Commodus had always wanted. Your husband sighed, caressing your cheek.

“You’re probably right; as always.” he whispered, his eyes full of tenderness, he gave you another kiss before helping you back up.

The both of you headed back to where you had left your children with Lucilla. As you arrived, you noticed Lucius was there too. He had grown into a fine young man; he was 18 years old now and he was a great uncle to Julia, he was very often seeking her company and wanted to teach her all the things he knew. Right now, your daughter was playing fighting with him, she had her own small wooden sword and Lucius still used the one he used to when he was younger, he wouldn’t want to hurt her by accident. You chuckled at the ferocity of Julia despite her young age.

“She really has your Gallic blood.” complimented Commodus has he watched her fight, he was smiling proudly, she was going to get even better as she grows up

“But she has your combativeness” you replied as she ferociously groaned against her uncle.

“I want to be Commodus the Invincible now!” she insisted grumpily.  

“But you need to be tall and strong for that, little Julia” he teased her, she stuck out her tongue to him.

“That’s not true!” she argued, her patience getting thin.

“Lucius...” warned Lucilla, Julia was also quick to extreme emotions just like her father and her young age only increased the probabilities of a tantrum. Your nephew sighted in defeat and accepted that Julia played her father’s role.

“You can’t kill me, I am invincible like Hercules!” she claimed loudly, brandishing her little wooden sword in the air; as they fought Lucius pretended to be in difficulty and let her win. You turned your head to look at your husband, you noticed the look on his face, his eyes were wet, he swallowed down truly moved by how he was viewed by his own family, he never thought he’d be loved so much. You smiled softened, this was the true Commodus that had buried himself deep into a cruel being under the rejection of his father; and since Julia was born, he was himself again, a caring and sensitive man.

He wished he could spend all his time with his family, you had been right about how he should rely on the Senate as a support, now he had more time to dedicate to his family, it was better than what he had before.

“I will see you tonight.” he said, quickly kissing your cheek before leaving to his duties.

And now, you missed his presence; the whole day seemed endless and you couldn’t wait to be in his arms once again. Thankfully, he was able to join you for dinner, and the kids behaved better when he was there, partly because no one wanted to see an angry Commodus and also, they had missed him so much that they were happy of his presence.  

“Alright Julia. It’s time for you and your brother to go to bed.” you said, getting up and taking Valens in your arms.

“I’m not tired!” replied the little girl, she was a bit too excited for this time of the day.

“Julia you will obey to your mother. You have to sleep, it’s good for the mind.” Commanded Commodus, he got up and took her in his arms while you kept Valens in yours. The both of you headed to the bedroom they shared. They also shared the same bed for now, and they loved it. After changing them in their nightclothes and tucking them under the covers, you kissed them goodnight on the forehead, their father did the same; but your children weren’t ready to let go of their parents just yet.

“Father, can you tell me your story again?” asked Julia, her eyes shining with hope. Your lover chuckled, he couldn’t resist to her beautiful pleading eyes; so, he sat down on the mattress, and you on the other side of the bed, softly caressing Valens dark hair.

“Alright. This is the story of a beautiful princess named Y/N and a tormented Emperor, me...” he started, your children no matter how many times they had heard this story, were still completely hooked by it.

It was Commodus who came up this story, he had surprised you when he told it for the first and it had brought tears to your eyes and still today it moved you. You watched as your younger child fell asleep; as for Julia, her eyes were starting to feel heavy, she was struggling to stay awake until the end of the story.

“And that’s how the princess, your mother saved me, became Empress of the Roman Empire and got two beautiful children.” finished your lover with a smile turning his head to tenderly look at you in the eyes, before bending to kiss his daughter’s forehead. You got up to let them sleep, closely followed by your husband who suddenly caught you by the waist.

“And now it´s the turn of mama to go to bed!” he purred against your ear, his hands still around your waist, he started to place kisses on your neck.  

“Honey the kids are here!” you giggled, the both of you laughing, you hurried to your bedroom.  

You pushed him on the bed, climbing on top of him, his hands slide under your stola, caressing your thighs.

“Finally alone...” he purred against your lips, you smirked, licking his lips.  

“I need you so much...” your breathed between kisses, your tongue caressing his. Since his little act this morning, you wanted him to take you. You took off your stola, his hand guiding the clothing down your body.

“You’re so beautiful.” he said as he looked at your naked body, since you had given birth, your body had become more luscious and it turned out Commodus was loving it. He straightened up and hungrily captured your breast in his mouth, you bit your lip as he sucked in your nipple. You buried your fingers in his hair as his mouth trailed kisses up until he reached your lips.  

You felt him hard against your spot and it made you even more impatient to have him inside of you; your hand wandered down his neck and down his torso, you wanted to feel his naked skin against yours but his toga was in the way.

“By the gods, take that off.” you muttered with a bit a frustration which made your husband laugh. So, he toppled you over on the mattress, still between your legs, you watched him take off his clothes, his wounds had healed well and now his body bared two beautiful scars, Commodus’s body remained perfect to you and you reminded him as much as you could.  

His eyes were dark with desire as he came back on top of you, hungrily capturing your mouth and in one slow thrust he entered you, making you gasp in pleasure.  You wrapped your legs around his hips to bring him even closer to you, he moaned against your lips; you grabbed his shoulders as he started to move, your mouth traveled to his jaw and then his neck, earning a needy groan from him.

“Feel so good...you’re so good...” you whispered against his skin, your tongue went to caress the scar on his neck, he moaned at the contact on his sensitive patch of skin; but soon you found it difficult to take care of him as he increased the pace, you felt waves of pleasure washing over your body until you reached climax, Commodus quickly joined you a few seconds afterwards.  

“I love you, I love you so much Y/N...” he panted resting his forehead against yours, you smiled at his tender words, caressing his cheek before kissing his lips.

“I love you too Commodus, always.” you replied looking at him the eyes, a big happy grin appeared on his face, after all this time, he was still surprised to have someone caring for him. Then, he lied down on his back, so that you could snuggle against him, you placed a kiss on his torso before resting your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, lulled by his calm breathing.

But in the middle of the night, as you both peacefully slept, you were awaken by the sounds of crying, it only took you a few seconds to realize it was Valens; he probably had a nightmare, you sighed trying to gather energy to get up and go to your child but before you could your husband stopped you.

“I´ll take care of this.” he yawned, placing a soft kiss on your forehead before getting up and covering his naked body with the strict minimum. He knew how tired you were, especially with Valens who was having a lot of trouble to sleep and was often waking you up, more than Julia ever had. You were glad that Commodus sleep wasn´t as heavy as before and that he took the initiative to go sooth his child.  

Barely a few seconds after he left, he was already back, carrying your son in his arms, you slitghly frowned in confusion.  

“I know how nightmares can be scary, baby.” he was whispering to Valens, caressing his back in comfort, your lover saw that you were still awake.

“He didn´t want me to leave his side” he explained, laying down Valens next to you, before putting himself under the covers. Your son snuggled against your naked chest as you started to hum a lullaby to put him to sleep, you passed an arm around his small body, your hand stroking your husband´s forearm. You noticed how it also made Commodus fall back asleep, you smiled soften by how he was still the same even after the terrible ordeals he went through.

Now that Lucius was grown man, he spent a lot of time with his uncle; he needed to learn how to rule the Empire while waiting for Julia and Valens to be old enough. Some would have thought Lucius would feel bitter about this and would want to take power for himself but since the events of the arena, his ambitions weren´t the same anymore. He had confessed it to you one day; because he had seen the terrible effects it had on his dear uncle, he didn´t want to suffer like him.  

“Uncle, Y/N. When I´ll give back the powers to my nephews, I would like to travel and explore the world. Would you grant me this?” he asked hopeful, he had always been a very curious boy, you smiled with complicity at your husband.

“You know we will support you” you answered him with a kind smile.

“Once, I had told your mother you would make a great Legatus one day. And I didn´t change my mind. I know you would be perfect represent Rome in our provinces like Gallia or maybe even Provincia Ludaea if you have enough strength to maintain our influence over the Jews and Samaritans.” explained your husband watching his nephew excitement rise up.

“Thank you, uncle! I won´t disappoint you.” he replied eagerly, trying to hide his smile.

“I know you won´t. Come here” said your husband standing up and hugging him tightly.  

“Uncle Lucius, we´re waiting for you!” interrupted Julia, Valens and Lucilla were also by her side.  

“To do what?” you asked curious at the sudden impatient tone of Julia.

“S´prise!” blurted out Valens, which earned a smile from his father, every time his son tried to speak, he melted

“For who?” he asked amused.

“Mama and papa” replied Valens on a secretive tone, which made you chuckle.

“Come on kiddos, let´s leave before they make us talk.” joked Lucius, faking looking at the both of you with suspicion. Your husband laughed at their behavior.

“Don´t worry I´m looking after them” reassured you Lucilla.

“Oh, because your part of the confidence too?” you asked falsely offended, you were excited to see what they were going to do.

“What do they have planned for us...” wondered Commodus out loud as he watched his little family leave; now it was just you and him, and he felt like taking a break.

“What would you say to sharing a warm bath with me, dear wife?” he offered, taking your hand and placing kisses on each of your knuckles. Your other hand lifted to gently caress his face, he leaned into your touch.

“It will do us good.” you replied in a whisper, planting a kiss on his forehead.  

A few minutes later, the bath was ready; the room was full of steam, the both of you stripped down and entered the warm water. You sighed happily as you felt your muscles relax. You felt Commodus gaze on you, he was looking at you with so much adoration, even after all these years spent together; sometimes it was even hard for you to understand why he felt this way about you.  

“Hey, relax love. I’ll wash your hair for you” he said coming to stand behind you, his hands wandered on your shoulders, his lips leaving kisses along your shoulder.

“Hmmm feels nice...” you hummed closing your eyes to enjoy it even more.

“Oh yeah?” he replied, you felt him smile against your skin, he placed one last kiss behind your ear before starting to damp your hair, his hands were gentle like a caress as he massaged your scalp.

“You know, I still can’t believe it.” he spoke after a bit.

“Believe what?”

“All of this, the people and the Senate happy with my reign; our family...” he laughed in disbelief “I have so much love for you, I never thought I could feel like this about anyone and I have beautiful and loving children too... “

“And now, look at you, you’ve become such an indulgent father, your children have to say one word and you go all soft” you teased him making him laugh.

“They know it and they’re taking advantage of it!” he chuckled rinsing your hair; and when he finished, you turned to face him, putting your arms around his neck, kissing his lips.

“You’re a good father and husband. Marcus Aurelius would have begged you on his knees to forgive him.” you assured him; he released a big dimpled grin; he had proven himself to the entire world and the gods had rewarded him in the best way.

“Now your turn!” you said taking the soap to wash him.

You stayed by Commodus side for the rest of the day, offering your advice to him just like old days. And it enabled you to spend your whole day by his side. Sometimes, you took a walk with him in the palace before returning to work, you would find your kids with Lucilla and Lucius, they went silent when they noticed you, it seems they were rehearsing their surprise and did everything to keep it secret, it was so cute.

“I believe that the Empire should continue to trade with them, they didn’t show any threat, merely the wish to trade peacefully. I don’t understand why Legatus Arsenius wants a confrontation.” sighed Commodus, frustrated by this problem.

“I think he doesn’t make the difference between a partnership between two higher powers and invading threats. Rome must continue to trade with this kingdom. In exchange for their silk, we continue to provide them with our glassware.” you explained, he listened closely to what you said.    

“It’s settled then. And if he continues to annoy me with this, we’ll send another Legatus.” he sighed, passing a hand on his tired eyes.  

You and your husband turned your head as you saw you children accompanied by Lucius enter the study.

“Y/N, uncle.” he saluted, he gave a gentle push to your daughter “Go on.” he encouraged her; she took a step forward.

“Mama and daddy. We invite you after dinner to come and see our show.” she explained with a shy smile.

“It’s-it’s the s’rprise!” added Valens with excitement, making the both of you laugh.

“Alright, we can’t wait see what it is!”  you spoke with a big grin, genuinely curious. Commodus chuckled, he was eager to be over with all his tasks for the day, so he could fully enjoy his time with his family.  

It was finally time for the surprise, you had never seen you children so excited. They led you to the library, a small stage had been installed.

“We even have a scenery! Thanks to aunt Lucilla.” explained your daughter with excitement. You thanked your friend, briefly touching her arm, she smiled at you with affection and sat in a chair to watch the show. You and Commodus went to the couch, he passed his arm around you, so that you could snuggle against him. A slave brought you wine to drink during the show.

“They truly thought about everything.” spoke out loud the Emperor with a pleased smile as he sipped from his cup.  

Lucius appeared with his nephews. He was dressed in all white and gold wearing his sword at his hip. Julia wore her prettiest dress; she was truly beautiful; as for Valens he had darker clothes and had a small wooden sword.

“Welcome to the Emperor and his divine wife. Mother we are very pleased to have you too.” Started Lucius with a proud smile “Tonight we will tell you a tragic, yet epic and romantic story. Your story, to honor your sacrifices for Rome and our family.” presented your nephew, your heart was beating faster than usual, for some reason you were anxious to see how they would tell your story. You were pushed out of your thoughts by Julia who came to stand in front of her father.

“Papa, can I borrow your crown please?” she asked suddenly shy, your husband seemed surprised but complied, telling her to be careful with it; then she brought it to Lucius, who put it on his head.  

Their show started, it was actually really cute and even funny, their dialogues had some misspellings, especially for Valens but that’s what gave it all its charm. Lucius was really good at portraying your lover, after all he had seen it all with his own eyes. It was rather amusing to see your little child fight the young man; until the story took over and reminded you of that day, you didn’t expect to be so sensitive about it after all these years. And it seems you weren’t the only one.

“Father please! Why won’t you love me?!” begged Lucius as Commodus in front of a statue representing the former emperor. You turned your head to look at your lover, he was already on the verge of tears, his jaw clenched, you felt your chest tighten at this view, will he ever overcome the shock he felt that day? Your husband calmed down a bit for the following scenes, they were more action driven. But then, the last part of their show started and you found yourself emotional as you watched the scene.  

“Commodus! Don’t die please, Rome needs you; I need you!” pleaded Julia over Lucius who was lied down on the stage; you pinched your lips together, flashes of the event coming back to your mind.

“I wish my family saw me, the way you see me...” you blinked away the tears coming to your eyes and looked up at your husband; tears were running down his cheeks, you rest your hand on his, your thumb stroking his skin, he turned his hand so that he could grab yours.

“They will! You are so brave! You are going to have a baby and-and a hero can’t die, we all love you!” added your daughter with fervor. Commodus never thought he’d be loved so much and he wished his childhood had been different, loved by his father, making little shows with Lucilla for him but no he was never satisfied or happy with him; no matter what he did, it was Maximus, always Maximus and now his children considered him a hero...an audible sob escaped his lips, you shifted in his embrace, cupping his face with worry.

“Love, all is good...you’re okay...” you whispered as discreetly as possible; you didn’t want to disturb the children. But it was too late, they had heard the sob of their father and had stopped playing, looking at him with worry.  

“Why are you crying daddy?” asked Julia confused, Lucius put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. When he heard her voice, your husband tried to dry his tears with a trembling hand.

“I’m-I’m okay, very well actually, go on please...” he reassured them, he met your gaze, you realized it was tears of relief, he was so happy to be loved, you tenderly kissed his wet cheek before redirecting your attention to the show. And when it was finished, your children and Lucius saluted, Lucilla was the first one clapping, quickly followed by you and Commodus. Then, he got up and approached his family, he put his hand on his nephew’s cheek giving him a thankful smile; then he knelt in front of Valens and Julia and took them in his arms, holding them tightly.

“Thank you, thank you my two beautiful sunshines. It makes me very happy.” he told them kissing their faces, and the children smiled glad their dad liked their surprise. You smiled as you looked at them, it was all you ever wanted for Commodus. Still keeping his children in his arms, he turned his head towards you, silently inviting you to join them and you gladly did, under the moved smile of Lucilla and her son.  

All of this was pretty much your everyday day life since Julia was born. The palace was full of joy and love, it was beautiful. You still remembered how it was before, the place, dark, gloomy, it had everything of a tragedy.

The next day

“Love, I’m going out with Lucilla and Lucius, I will bring Julia with me to buy her some dresses.” you informed your husband, sitting V alens on his desk next him so that he could watch over his son while you were gone, he didn’t mind actually, it soothed him and reminded him that there was something outside of his work. However, today he wasn’t in the best mood, it seemed a senator had deeply annoyed me.

“Which senator?” you asked him, putting your palla over your hair.

“Quincius that old man is unbearable.” answered Commodus frustrated, daubing with his quill on the paper and making a blotch which in return made his son giggle. Your lover stopped in his track, and looked at his son, arching an eyebrow at the reaction of the child, a grin appearing on his lips.  

“Yeah Quincius is so annoying!” repeated your husband daubing again on the paper, earning another laugh from his son. Commodus chuckled at how entertained his child was, his son had instantly calmed him down without him noticing it. You leaned forward to kiss your husband’s lips.

“Have fun. I’ll miss you...” he said against your lips before giving you another kiss.

You left, the Sun was high and a nice breeze of air was cooling down the atmosphere. Two guards were discreetly following you in case something happened.

“Julia, hold my hand, a small girl like you could easily get lost.” you instructed your daughter with a smile. You looked around, the forum cuppedinis, the wealthiest market of the city was full of life, people buying food, merchants coming from faraway lands; going through this market always felt like traveling around the world to you.  

“Mother, can I go to this shop? I’ll catch you later at the clothing shop.” asked Lucius hopefully to his mother as he looked at what seemed to be an armory.

“Alright, but don’t wander in taverns or any back alley, you never know who you might encounter.” she replied with a smile. You didn’t know how she could bare to let her son go alone in the city, it always worried you. It’s not that the people were hostile, it was quite the contrary, some of them even worshipped you to a point difficult to understand. You, Commodus and the Senate simply served the people and the Empire as it should be.  

“We’re almost at the shop sweetie, do you have a favorite color for your tunic?” you asked your little girl, who seemed to think for a bit.

“Purple!” she bursted with excitement. You and Lucilla chuckled.

“I think it would suit you very well! And also...” started Lucilla before being cut off by someone yelling.

“It’s the Empress!” the person yelled with joy and at this many people turned around to look at you, a people started to approach you, they all had a friendly smile, but suddenly it was a lot of people, the two guards tried to surround you but they were outnumbered by the crowd.  

“Thank you...” you spoke you took in your hands flowers an elderly woman gave you, you looked at Lucilla, you were starting to feel overwhelmed by all these people and more kept coming, pushing to get to you and you found it difficult to keep your balance and breath, your poor daughter must have been terrified, you needed to take her in your arms before something bad happens. But that’s when you realized you didn’t hold her hand anymore.

“Where’s Julia!?” you asked to Lucilla in panic, looking around and trying to find your daughter. Lucilla didn’t have her either and that’s when she realized that something very serious could be happening.

“Guards! Guards!” she screamed at the top of her lungs and the two guards accompanying you started to get rough with the crowd to make them take their distances and thankfully more soldiers started to come from adjacent streets to disband the mob and protect you. When the people were finally pushed away you and Lucilla look around for Julia, she was nowhere in sight.

“Y/N! Mother! What happened? Where's Julia?” asked urgently Lucius after running towards you, but you couldn’t answer him, you felt like your heart was going to explode, this wasn’t real, she was hiding somewhere and, in a few seconds, she will come out and run into your arms. You heard Lucilla speak to him in the background but your mind is too much in shock to understand anything she said. You felt Lucius wrap an arm around you and guiding you, towards the palace probably. You snapped out of your thoughts looking at the guards escorting you, no, you had to stay there, you needed to find Julia.  

“Y/N a whole contingent of soldiers is staying to find Julia but we need to get you back to the palace.” told you Lucilla with strength, she will make sure her niece is found safe. As you reached the palace you felt tears coming out and running down your face, what if it was too late? What will happen to her? Suddenly, you recognized the quick steps of your husband.

“What happened?” he asked with worry, putting Valens in Lucilla’s arms so that he could hold your face between his hands.

“Y/N what happened? Where is Julia?” he asked you, making eye contact with you. You couldn’t speak, you let out a sob as he pronounced her name. That’s when he understood that you had lost your daughter, he was frowning at first, he was so deeply hurt, why would this happen, why would someone steal his daughter!? But then he felt rage grow in his chest, he was furious, he let go of your face to grab his nephew by his toga.

“Where were you Lucius!? Why weren’t you there to protect them!” he stormed; he was so disappointed, his nephew had failed to protect the family and now Julia had disappeared, and who knew what was happening to her.  

“I’m-I'm sorry uncle...” bewailed Lucius unable to keep looking at his uncle in the eyes, he was so ashamed, he should have stayed by your side.

“Commodus...” you called him, you needed to hold him. Your pleading tone seemed to break him out of his anger and he let go of his nephew and took you in his arms, tightly holding you against his chest as you sobbed.

“Sire, what are your instructions?” asked the General. Commodus looked at him with his eyes furious and determined.

“Send all the men available to find my girl, search every street and corner of Rome. Find her.”  

Commodus harem: @hopelessdisasterr @stellargirlie​ @rosebloodstuffandthangss​ @clowndaddyfleck​ @lyoongx​ @skaravile​ @jaylovesbats @niniita-ah @dreamingmaria​ @sagyunaro​ @just-a-fucking-comedy​ @spaceinvader​ @radio-hoo-ha​ @lady-carnivals-stuff​ @sierraclegane​ @legojorny​ @lemondedeniname @ninathefandomcollector @hvproductions​ @syvellsworld​ @beautifulyoungprospect​ (I thought you might be interested in reading it^^)

[starcrossedyanderes]

Xavier w/ Big Sick Darling

You knew it was going to be a bad day the moment you woke up and felt that acid coming out your mouth.

You knew it the moment you started to hunch over the toilet and started retching.

Oh and as if Captain Obvious was screaming in your ear you knew it was most certainly an awful day when you felt that awful taste on your teeth and felt your mom help pull back your hair.

For today was a bad day because it seemed you were indeed the big sick.

With a thermometer stuck in your ear you limply laid under your warm covers in an attempt to get comfortable.

With a beep and a sigh the thermometer was pulled out to reveal in black numbers that spelled your fate.

“Degree of 100. Looks like somebody won’t be going to school.”

Reaching over your body your mom’s hands wrapped around a white bottle and started to fight against the lid before it popped off and 2 tablets laid in her hands.

“Okay, there’s some flavored water in that big tervis cup, you got advil right next to you, bowl by your bed, cozy blankets, the only thing we’re missing is some good food. How about we get you some doordash from that breakfast place you like so much?”

Your eyes pitifully looked into your mother’s as you barely whispered out a “please.”

Her pink lips pressed against your forehead before she pulled away.

“I’m so sorry honey, but you’re a big girl now and your father and I have to go to work. But feel free to get DoorDash and call us if you need anything. Hope you feel better sweetie.”

As soon as your mom left your room and you could hear the door shut and a car start up did you turn around on your side to stare at your wall whilst your arm wrapped like a boa constrictor around your beloved plushie.

You were quite tired from such a rude awakening and loosing all the contents of your stomach but still you choose to stay awake so you would be ready for when your food gets here.

But it seemed your plan had failed as your eyes slowly became heavier, breathing got slower, and the brain became slugger. Right as your eyes were about to close and succumb to a land of dreams it was rudely stopped in its tracks by a loud BRRRRINNNG!

Your body shot up from its lying position as a slight cursed was whispered under your breath. Can’t a girl sleep for once!?

A hand harshly gripped your phone and with a quick tug it was put right against your ear.

“Hello?”

Wow, was your voice that pathetic when sick? “Dahling, I’m headed your vay. I’m afraid ve may be a bit late though because i vas.. um, occupied vith something.”

Your eyes slowly blinked like a lizard.

Oh yeah, you completely forgot about this guy.

“Er, your highness I won’t be coming to school?”

You had to hold your ear after hearing quite the earsplitting noise.

“YOU VHAT!? Vhy in the vorld vould you do zo?”

“Oh, I’m uh.. sick your majesty.”

And just like a switch turning in his head his voice and composure changed in an instance to hushed whispers and soft coos.

“Oh, my poor dahling. You should have yust said zo.”

And once again he did a complete 160 as your heard him yell,

“Drivah! Gun it! BYSTRO!”

Oh and you were already getting a migraine from his mood swings just listening to him.

“I’ll be there az soon az I can sveetie. And don’t even think about going outzide. Tata!”

And just like that he hung up.

Now that was the sure sign of today being a bad day.

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

The long, sleek vehicle pulled up into the suburban neighborhood that was practically dead quiet as all the parents were now at work and children were at school.

A tinted black window rolled down just the slightest as the car was slowly coming to a stop so only his harsh emerald green eyes could be seen. Only the smallest of glances was gifted to his guards as only the mere words of “go get them for me.” were spoken.

A door swung open and 5 buff men stepped out dressed in black suits and each of them had the stereotypical little white earcoms. Each of them looked like the could take out 10 men and a bear just by themselves.

“Yes your majesty.”

Only 2 of the burly men walked up to your door and quite ironically gently knocked on your door thrice. Despite the lack of response once reaching into a pocket and pulling out a little box that held a far too ornamental of a key.

With just a swift turn there were allowed access and didn’t waste a moment to quickly walk up stairs and swoop you, who was just happening to be brushing her teeth again from another throwing up session, up into their arms and proceeded to carry a confused (y/n) down the stairs in a variant of an arm throne.

“Uh.. could you put me down?”

You received no response and knowing these bodyguards you knew that you would not be able to get down yourself.

“He does realize he could just knock.. right?”

Once again no response.

You cursed Xavier for having such robotic like protectors.

The front door was now in view and was swung open by another guard outside.

The men carrying you carefully stepped inside and once passing the remanding 3 guards bowed down to you before rushing to get into their places. One of them while bowing opened the limousine door where you could already see Xavier’s golden locks practically taunting you as the 2 guards carefully lowered onto one of the seats in the limousine.

Once safely on the leather and door being shut you let out a string of grumbles questioning how necessary that whole procedure was. But you didn’t have long to do that before Xavier’s body practically rammed into you in a hug.

“Dahling!”

His head nuzzled into your neck as you could see the content look on his face.

“Um. Your highness that may not be the best idea since I am, you know, sick..”

His once closed eyes opened up with a glint shining in them as his arms tightened around you more.

“Do not care. My princess iz zick and I will take care of her.”

The glint immediately dissapeared in his eyes as he let out a gasp.

“Oh my! Vhat if I get zick?”

At that sentence your body relaxed in his hold, finally he was starting to understand something and would just leave you alone at home.

“Then I could have my printsessa take care of me, like I am vith her.”

And you think his grip got tighter and his head started to rub against hers more aggresively.

“Oh, how I vould love that. My own printsessa doting over me vhilst I am frail. Oh now that truly zounds zomething like a dream.

Vait, vhat am I doing? If I am planning on taking care ov you I need to know your zymptoms. So vhat iz wrong vith you?”

Your body slightly teetered as you nibbled on your lip.

“Well I have a fever of 100 and I’ve been throwi- why are you looking at me like that?”

Xavier’s emerald green eyes looked into yours with what could only be described as shock before he seemed to force a smile on his face and make his face appear more kind.

“Uh my sveet princess, my dahling dearest. You mozt certainly do not have a fever of 100. For your vlood vould boil and you vould be dead.”

A cough was heard from the other side of the limousine causing the prince to snap his head to that direction and practically hiss out “vhat?”

His bodyguard spoke up by politely and quietly saying, “Your majesty, I believe th- er- your princess meant she had a fever of 38.”

Xavier’s mouth went from a scowl to an ‘o’ before he quickly pulled himself together and turned back to you.

“Yes, yes. A fever of vun hundred iz concerning. That zort of fever is uzually caused by an illness. Don’t vorry my dahling, I’ll be zure you get the best care.”

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

As much as you hated to admit it you were getting shockingly good care in Xavier’s penthouse. He gave you excellent medicine and food along with having his own personal doctor coming to you to check you over.

It turns out you just had the basic stomach bug.

Yet despite this fact Xavier was still being his over-dramatic self.

You were surprised he wasn’t a king yet. A drama king that is.

But still you had to admit it was quite nice here. You managed to get a couple hours of sleep thanks to the oh so heavenly soft sheets that just engulfed you in their warmth. Also his pets were just so nice and cute!

Marciel, Xavier’s monkey, was nice enough to take care of your messy hair by cleaning it strand by strand until there was probably not even a speck of dirt.

Indigo was also nice enough to honk more quietly and even sat down next to your side and decided to nap with you.

And Ebony seemed to think Indigo had an excellent idea as well and fell asleep with her head your leg.

You’ll have to admit all of these awesome animals almost make putting up with Xavier bearable. Almost.

Remember if you make a wish on a shooting star your wish

sʜᴀʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀs

[literallyprentissstwin]

𝚒'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞. - 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟸

request: yes I no

characters: Sonny Carisi x Y/N Y/L/N

others: Lieutenant Olivia Benson, Detective Fin Tutuola, Detective Amanda Rollins, ADA Rafael Barba, mention of Peter Turner (the suspect), Dr. Langford as well as some nurses

category: angst, hurt/comfort, crime

warnings: talk of kidnapping, mention of torture, violence and rape, slight mention of PTSD

previous parts: part 1 

A/N: thank you all so so much for the amazing feedback to the first part of this story <3 it literally means the world. i´m having a good time finally being back writing and your feedback is more than welcome. i decided to make this story a three parter since part 2 would otherwise have been too long. so i hope you´ll stick with me and this story till the end. this is my first ever SVU fic and i´m really happy with it so far. again, feedback is very appreciated. don´t forget that english isn´t my native language, so please be kind. i do make a lot of grammar or spelling mistakes and it´s okay to point them out :) now, enjoy reading part 2!

if you wanna be tagged in my upcoming SVU fics, let me know <3 

It felt like the world around Sonny Carisi was moving in slow motion. 

Ever since he and Amanda had found Y/N in that dark, cold, hell hole, the world around him stopped turning for a while. Things started to slow down and time seemed to pass painfully slow. 

It felt like an eternity until the squad had finally arrived at the hospital. 

And here they were, patientily waiting in that small, overcrowded waiting room. They´ve already been her for two hours; Barba had joined the group ten minutes after they arrived at the hospital. An uncomfortable silence and tension lingered in the air. Sonny, as usual, was pacing around the room, while Fin and Amanda sat next to eachother and watched their friend, knowing that there was no way that they could get him to calm down. Barba and Liv were standing at the door of the waiting room, trying to have a quiet conversation, while also eyeing their nervous friend. 

The more time passed, the more people were leaving the waiting room. Sonny started to to become impatient. He stopped pacing for a minute before he started to speak. 

“What is taking them so long?”

“I´m sure they´ll gonna be out here soon.”, Liv tried to reassure her detective, which wasn´t working. 

“Nobody tells us anything. We´ve been here for almost five hours and yet, we still haven´t seen a doctor or a nurse who could update us.”, Sonny said, growing more and more frustrated. 

“They are all doing their jobs, Carisi. Them not coming out and updating us doesn´t have to mean a thing. So let´s just calm down and take a seat. Your pacing is driving me crazy and it doesn´t help you or Y/N.”, Barba reasoned with the man. Sonny tried one last attempt to talk back to him, but decided against it, when he saw the ADA giving him his famous glare. Letting out a long sigh, the detective sat down next to Amanda, who put a comforting had on his shoulder. He just hoped and prayed that Barba was right and that everything would be alright. 

It took another three hours until the long wait was finally over. 

“Y/N Y/L/N?”, a doctor asked, as he entered the waiting room. 

“Yes, that´s us. How is she?”, Carisi immediately wanted to know as he and the rest of the squad stood up from their seats and gathered around the young, lanky doctor. 

“I´m Dr. Langford, I performed the surgery as well as the examination on Detective Y/L/N.”, he introduced himself before Olivia began to speak up. 

“I´m Lieutenant Benson, Detective Y/L/N´s boss. How is she?”

“So far, her condition is still not where we want it to be, but as for right now, she´s stable. She suffered a concussion and she had at least five broken rips which had caused an internal bleeding which we were able to stop in time. Moreover, she has a sprained ankle and wrist as well as lots of bruising all over her body. Also, she´s been very dehydrated and malnourished.”, Dr. Langford started to explain. 

“D-Did you find any signs for a sexual assault?”, Amanda dared to ask altough she already knew the answer to this. 

“We did find signs for a sexual assault, yes. There´s a lot of bruising on her upper inner thighs as well as other indications for a forceful entry. We already did a rape-kit since Detective Y/L/N consented to it.”

“Apart from the physical damage, how is her psychological condition, Doctor?”, Barba wanted to know. 

“Well, to put it out bluntly, she´s a mess. She´s very jumpy and flinches at every touch or every noise she registers. We needed to sedate her to actually examine her. Up until now, she hasn´t really spoken yet; she´s still in shock and seems to try to stay distant. I would recommend for her to see a shrink as soon as she´s well enough for it. She´s severely traumatized and it will take a lot of time for her to heal and to deal with everything that happened to her.”, the young doctor explained, giving the squad a sympathetic look. 

“C-Can we see her?”, Sonny asked, his voice barely above a whisper, his face all pale and emotionless. 

“Detective Y/L/N is still under strong medications and out for most of the time. We don´t want to put her under immense stress, but we also think that seeing familiar faces might help her cope with everything better. So yes, you can see her, but I would recommend only one to two persons at a time.”, Dr. Langford said before his beeper started to ring, “if you´ll excuse me now. Nurse Monica, could you show those detectives the room of Detective Y/L/N?”

The nurse nodded before she joined the group. 

“Thank you, Dr. Langford.”, Fin said. 

“It´s my job, detectives. If there´s still anything you need, don´t hesitate to reach out to me.”, and with this, the man disappeared. 

“I think Carisi should go see her first.”, Amanda suddenly suggested to the group. 

“Yeah, Carisi. Go and check on our girl.”, Fin agreed and patted the detective on his shoulder.

“You´re sure?”, Sonny asked, looking ath his friends. 

“Go, Carisi. We´ll be waiting here.”, Liv said, carefully pushing the man towards the door of the waiting room. 

“Okay...thanks guys.”, Sonny quickly told them, before he followed the nurse to Y/N´s room. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The first thing Sonny was confronted with when opening the door to Y/N´s room was silence. 

Silence and the beeping of a maschine that helped Y/N with her breathing. 

As he opened the door further, he finally saw her. 

Unconsciously laying in her bed, almost as pale as the bed itself. She seemed so calm, yet so vulnerable. 

Carisi saw all the bruises and bandages and his for once calm demeanour grew angry again. 

How could someone hurt another human being so much? The detective could´nt wrap his head around it. 

Carefully, he walked closer to the bed, grabbing a chair while doing so and taking a seat right next to her. Equally careful he grabbed her hand and held it in his own. He was so scared to hurt her even more, so all he did was holding this hand and he would not let go of it. Never. 

“I-I´m so so sorry, Y/N. This is all my fault. I should have never let you walk home alone.”, he began to talk to her, the tears he had been holding in for so long finally starting to fall. 

“I-I-I..I just hope you´ll be able to forgive me.”, he continued, “please...please wake up.”

A moment of silence fell between the couple, but not for long before Carisi decided to continue rambling. 

“God, Y/N. I´m a mess. I mean what am I gonna do without you if you don´t come out of this okay? I can´t live without you. Please. I´m really sorry...”

“C-Can you please stop saying that?!”, a voice suddenly said and it took Carisi a minute to realise that this voice belonged to Y/N. 

“Oh my god..Y/N. Can you hear me?”, he said, quickly moving closer to the bed. 

“E-Every single word you said.”, Y/N hissed, finally opening her eyes, but immediately closing them again due to the light being too bright. Slowly, she tried to open them once again, blinking a few times to adjust them to the brightness of the light. Sonny scooted even closer to the bed, carefully squeezing Y/N´s hand, smiling in relief when he saw Y/N´s beautiful eyes wide open. 

“Hey...”, he whispered, the smile never leaving his face. 

“Hi..”, Y/N said back, a small smile tucking at her lips as well. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Been better, but I´ll survive. How are you holding up?”

Sonny laughed. “You´re the one laying in that hospital bed and you´re seriously asking me how I am?”

“Well...yeah..”, the woman said. 

“You´re unbelieveable, Y/N.”, Carisi still laughed, “but to answer your question: I´m better now that you´re awake.”

“Good.”, Y/N smiled, “I´m sorry.”

“Oh, Y/N, no. There´s nothing you need to be sorry for, you hear me? It wasn´t your fault.”, Carisi tried to reassure his partner, as he carefully sat down on the bed. 

“Neither has this been your fault, Sonny.”, Y/N replied, looking the detective straight in the eyes at which he sighed, “thank you..for saving me.”

“That´s what friends are for.”, Sonny said and smiled at Y/N. 

Another uncomfortable silence spread between the two detectives. There was still so much Sonny wanted to tell Y/N, but yet, he found himself unable to put his thoughts into words. Also, the hospital wasn´t quite the ideal place to confess your love to someone, no. This needed to wait. Sonny´s first and most important priority was to make sure Y/N was okay and safe. 

For now, that´s all that matters. 

“Where´s the rest of the squad?”, Y/N wanted to know, pulling Carisi away from his thoughts, breaking the unbearable tension between the two of them. 

“They are all outside, waiting to see you. Even Barba is here.”, Sonny explained.

“Wow, I´m starting to feel kind of special now.”, Y/N laughed, but immediately winced at the pain shooting through her body.

“Woooah, you okay?”, Carisi asked. 

“Ugh, yeah. Just peachy. I just forgot for a second why I´m actually in this hospital bed.”, Y/N answered through gritted teeth. 

“I´m gonna get the doctor.”, Sonny said, immediately making his way over to the door. 

“Carisi, no, I´m fine.”

“You´re far from being fine. Please, let me help you just this one time.”, the man begged. 

Y/N sighed. “Fine, but only this one time and only because this pain is killing me.”, and with that, Carisi rushed outside to get a doctor to look after Y/N.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

15 minutes later, the doctor was still in Y/N´s room checking her out, while the squad was, again, waiting in front of her door. Before Carisi could open his mouth to start argueing again, Dr. Langford exited the room. 

“Doctor? Is everything alright?”, Fin wanted to know. 

“Yes, Y/N is doing pretty good right now, all things considered. She´s in a stable condition. We gave her a mild pain medication considering the fact that you might want to get her statement later in the day. Her now healing ribs are causing her a lot of pain right now, but otherwise, she´s okay, physicall.”, the doctor explained, “she actually asked me to send in all of you. I know, I said one to two persons at a time, but she seems well enough to meet you all right now.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”, Liv said before all of them entered the room. 

“Hey...”, Y/N whispered as she saw her whole team plus Barba come into the room. 

“You have no idea how good it is to see you.”, Amanda said as she carefully came towards Y/N and tried to hug her as careful as possible, checking if this action was okay with her. Since she didn´t flinch away from her, Amanda took this as a sign to actually hug her friend. 

“It´s so good to see you too.”, Y/N smiled, turning her gaze towards Rafael, “to what do I owe the honor of you being her as well?”, she joked. 

“There´s no place I would rather be right now, Y/L/N. I´m glad you´re still with us.”, Barba replied truthfully. 

“Me too, Counselor, me too.”

“How are you doing?”, Liv asked from her place at the foot of Y/N´s bed. 

“I´m okay. The pain killers make the pain kind of bearable. But I´ll live.”, Y/N answered. 

“Good, because the squadroom would have been pretty quiet without your rambling.”, Fin joked. 

This went on for another 10 minutes. Everyone was happy to see Y/N alive and okay, they all just wanted to distract her from what happened to her, but they all knew that eventually, she had to talk about it and much to Liv´s dismay, she had to be the one to break the bad news. 

“You know, Y/N, I hate that I have to do this, but in order to prosecute Turner correctly..”, Liv started to talk.

“...you need to know that happened, I know. I-I just didn´t think it would be that soon.”, Y/N finished Liv´s sentence, kind of getting anxious. 

“I´m sorry, I really am.”

Amanda and Fin immediately got up to leave the room, while Carisi hesitated to do so. 

“Sonny, it´s okay. You can go.”, Y/N tried to reassure her best friend to leave the room, although everything inside her screamed at her to tell him to stay. But was she really ready to let him hear the truth of what had happened to her?

“Are you sure?”, Sonny asked. 

“Yes, it´s okay...really.”, Y/N reassured the man and gave him a weak smile, which he returned before he left the room as well. Y/N sighed. 

“Okay, so where do you want me to start?”, Y/N wanted to know. 

“Right at the beginning. Tell us about the night he got you.”, Barba answered. 

“Well...Liv had told us to go home and get some rest since we´ve been trying to catch Turner for days now and we hadn´t really had time to rest. Carisi....I should have listened to him, he has been so concerned. He always talked about how it was unusual for Turner to go MIA and not kill within two days. He said that he thinks that Turner might have something planned. He was worried about me, because I fit the victimology perfectly, but I didn´t think any of it. He wanted to walk me home that night, but I´ve told him that I appreciate his concern, but that I could take care of myself. I reassure him that I would text him as soon as I got home...”, Y/N started to explain. 

“But that text never got to him, right?”, Liv asked.

“Um, no. I didn´t even make it into my apartment. He must have followed me all the way from the precinct to my apartment complex. Turner got to me right before I could open the door to my apartment.”

“What happened next?”, the ADA wanted to know. Y/N started to get more anxious at this question. 

“I woke up in that basement. He took my bag, my phone, my gun, my badge. He took everything away from me. The first time I saw him for real in front of me was when he first started the live stream for you guys. Right after that..he..he r-raped me for the first time. I-I tried to push him off of me, but he was just way too strong. So I just lay there and let him do this to me.”

“Hey, listen to me. You had to do whatever it took to survive this, okay? What happened to you was not your fault.”, Olivia tried to reassure her detective, carefully placing her hand on Y/N´s, at which the young woman flinched. 

“Yeah..anyway..from there on, everything just passed by in a blur. He came to bring me food once a day, but I never ate it. This was when he started to get more violent. He thought I was ungrateful and a shame for my family and the NYPD. He took all his anger out on me. I didn´t even dare to fight back, I was just so freaking scared. I-I´m such a coward. How am I a detective for the NYPD  who faces the filthiest of scumbags every day and yet, I can´t manage to fight back and protect myself.”, Y/N said, starting to get herself worked up. 

“I think we should take a break right here.”, Barba suggested, sensing Y/N´s discomfort. 

“I-I should have just listened to Sonny. For once in my life, I should have just admitted that I was wrong, but no. I refused to believe the people who cared about me and instead I put them through hell and back.”, Y/N continued rambling, getting even more worked up, so that her heart rate on the monitor started to speed up. 

“Y/N, listen to me. This wasn´t your fault, okay? Please, you really need to calm down or otherwise, you´ll just hurt yourself.”, Liv tried to reason with her, but it seemed like her words didn´t get through to her. 

Y/N had a flashback; she was back in that hell hole. Her heart rate continued to speed up. Liv stepped closer to the bed, carefully trying to put her hand on Y/N´s shoulder. Y/N flinched at the contact. 

“NO. GET AWAY FROM ME.”, and with that, Dr. Langford and a few nurses came rushing into her room. 

“You need to leave, NOW.”, the doctor yelled while a nurse pushed Liv and Barba out of the room before closing the door. Everything went silent. 

Turner had been right. This was far from being over. 

SVU tag list: 

@lclb13 @playbucky @thefifthmaraud3r @misssirenlove @smolpersonbigworld @illegalcerebral @ultrarebelheart @briannareneea985 @imaginecrushes 

[fuyupeach]

In The Works // Ryuji Sakamoto x Reader - chapter 4

prologue / ch.1 / ch.2 / ch.3

It was hard, but you had managed to avoid talking to Ryuji outside of school related things after that, him conveniently being able to finally come back to school around the same time. It was eating at you to cave and act like you would be fine without an apology, but what he had said really hurt you, and it was time for Ryuji to step up and apologize.

This, however, did not stop you from continuing to give him notes and helping around the school because of his crutches,—you weren’t heartless—but the usual commutes in a regular school day with him were now silent. Kamoshida did not help one bit either, his teasing and jeers as he looked down at the both of you continued, if not increased in comparison to before the incident. The track team had stopped associating with Ryuji all together, blaming him for ruining their future with track. Ryuji could no longer run, as diagnosed by the doctor, so of course he was no longer on the team.

It seemed to be tragedy after tragedy with the devastating events that were piling onto Ryuji, your heart sad that you were apart of it as well; but your hurt couldn’t be dismissed or ignored, no matter how lonely Ryuji looked sitting at his desk, crutches at his side whenever you would peek to the right to look at him.

It didn’t take Ryuji long to ask to talk to you one late night, lost in thought and unable to sleep, staring at the ceiling as the light of your phone screen brought you to attention.

[ ryugeez ] 1:35 AM

Are you awake? I want to talk.

Ryuji knew of your tendencies to stay up late, but you guessed he had asked anyways due to how long its been since you two have spoken. You sigh, contemplating for a few seconds before you decide to pick up your phone and respond.

[ you ] 1:36 AM

what about?

[ ryugeez ] 1:36 AM

You know what.. I want to speak in person, if that’s okay with you? In front of Shibuya station

He wanted to meet now? You squint at your phone, even though you had already made your decision. You were tired, and just wanted to speak to him again. You pick up your phone.

[ you ] 1:38 AM

fine. i’ll see you in 15.

[ ryugeez ] 1:38 AM

i’ll be in front of the entrance.

You get up, switching your pajama pants for leggings and tossing on a sweater before you reach the door, quietly slipping on a pair of sneakers so your mother wouldn’t hear you.

Shibuya station was an inbetween area for you and Ryuji to meet when it came to its distance from your houses, the fastest way available at this time being getting there by bus. The train stations were already closed, your stomach turning in nervousness as you see Ryuji is already there, leaning against the gate that closed off the station entrance. He looks deep in thought before he realizes you’re there, his gaze making you want to turn tail and run. You push the thought away--after all, only Ryuji could ask to meet you this late and have you come willingly, at the risk of your mother noticing you were gone, nonetheless.

You took in as much of his appearance as you could, pace slowing down as you walked towards him as if it would make things easier for you. Ryuji’s hair was even more of a ruffled mess than it usually would be, the spots in which random tufts of hair stuck up suggesting he had run his hair through it multiple times. His cast was now replaced with a splint and brace, its form barely visible through his long black track pants. It looked like there could have also been dark circles under his eyes, his tired form suggesting that you were seeing correctly.

The last few steps to meet Ryuji were the most awkward you’ve felt around him, eyes immediately dropping to look elsewhere as you twisted your hands, legs moving side to side as you waited for him to speak.

It took a short three beats before he spoke, biting his lip nervously—you weren’t staring at his lips, no way—before he parted them.

“I..” Ryuji clears his throat so he can speak up. “I’m sorry.”

He looks up at you, seeming to test the waters before he takes a step closer, a limp to his gait that brings a sting of pain to your chest. Ryuji saying sorry so frankly is a surprise in itself to you, but you say nothing, waiting for him to finish. He brings a hand to his hair once again, messing it up in the same fashion you assumed led his hair being in the same messy tufts that you saw when you arrived, trailing down to his neck. His eyes meet yours again, tempting you to look away, but you stop yourself, holding his gaze.

“I could only think of myself, my own self pity, and the despair of the entire situation… I was—I am still devastated, to be honest. But I shouldn’t ‘ve taken it out on ya. I’m sorry.”

You decide to speak. “We’ve been friends for a while now, Ryuji. I want you to know that I love and care about you—I wouldn’t leave you behind over something like this. I wish, I really wish this hadn’t happened, but now, we have to move forward the best we can, and I’m hoping we can push through together through things like this. I’m here for you, if you’ll have me.” Your lips can’t help but quirk up slightly at the end, Ryuji’s slightly teary-eyed expressing matching yours. You ignore the anxious pounding of your heart at vocalizing your love for Ryuji, but hopefully he doesn’t take it the romantic way you had more than likely meant it.

And it seems he doesn’t, moving on to speak again, stepping a bit closer. “I shouldn’t have taken ya for granted, and I realize now how valuable of a friend you’ve been to me, despite all this shit I’ve put you through. You’ve done so much for me that I have yet to compare to. What would I do without ya?” He chuckles pitifully at himself.

“I’d be nothing, nobody.” Ryuji mutters. You hesitate before reaching for his hand. He looks up.

“That doesn’t matter now, does it?” You smile. “Apology accepted.”

You let your smile fall. “But if you ever do that again, I won’t be as nice this time. Talk to me if you’re hurting. Stop blaming yourself and lashing out on others. I know it’s hard but,” you tighten your grip on his hand. “I’m here.” Your gaze is as serious as you can muster.

Ryuji’s eyes widen before he nods, left speechless as he grips your hand even tighter in response.

“Okay.”

[sabine-leo]

Solid Chaos - Part 5

Note: I got a request from @drakesfiance for a fic  

Summary: Living in a world were The Avengers exist and save the world repeatedly you find yourself one morning with inhuman abilities of your own. How will your boyfriend Tom react when he get´s back from his audition?

Author: @sabine-leo

Idea of: @drakesfiance

Part: 5/ 5

Genre: Angst, Humor, Fluff, Uncertainty, 

If this wouldn´t be a life or death situation you would admire the skills of Tom and Loki fighting, but you really didn´t have the time for that. Both men took to the front of the fight, shielding you as much as possible from coming attacks. You knew that it wasn´t a conscious decision at the moment, but Tom AND Loki had to much honour in them to let you fight this battle alone and undefended.

 It got harder and harder to defend properly, you had a wall in your back, got cornered and had not much room left to evade. The primary blast from the exploding car had backed you into a disadvantageous position. A hard blow to your upper arm caught you off guard and knocked you sideways. Shit, you had to stop thinking about how screwed you were and fight your way out of it.

 Tom was busy with two of the lackeys and Loki had also two of them occupied with his double blades. You were left with the leader of the group and he had landed a pretty good hit just now. Your arm hurt like a bitch and wasn´t moving as fast as needed. Charging at you you dropped down in the last second and let your opponent crash into the wall. That got you enough time to reverse positions and back him into a tight corner. A blow to his neck with your elbow made him grunt in pain, but sadly it wasn´t enough to knock him out.

 In the corner of your eye you saw Tom tumble over debris. His opponent looming above him ready to strike. “NO!” you yelled in terror, but before he could hit Tom scissor-leged him and he hit a brick on the floor with his head. Loki having no reluctance to hit him with his foot and break his neck with a snap.   

1 down 4 to go you thought 

“We could use some help here!” You said into the com in your headshield not knowing if there was someone receiving the info at all.

 Loki tugged Tom up and nodded in acknowledgement as they doubled their effort to occupy the 3 footmen. Trying to lure them away from you Loki used several of his tricks. He appeared near you and ported the both of you next to Tom… and in the following second all 3 of you were looking like….YOU.

He had disguised Tom and himself to throw them of at least for a moment.

 “Lackeys first” you heard your own voice say. It was odd to say the least but you nodded and launched an attack together with…Tom?! Or was it Loki.. hell, you didn´t know at this moment. The irritation Loki had produced was enough to even the odds. 3 against 3.  

 What the 3 of you didn´t knew was that the rest of the Team was fighting their own battle Downtown. Another way to seclude you and stop them from getting to you to help out.

 Panting and a little dizzy from the blows that had hit you you tried to get yourself together. One of the other yous´ had knocked down another foot soldier with a gruesome blow to his head before falling back and arranging the 3 of you into a defence-line. The last 2 standing combatants wouldn´t go down easy, you had to give all you got. Somewhere in the fight the disguise wore off and Tom got blown back against the wall with a hefty kick to his chest. He slumped down…

 Angry and worried you prepared for a kick yourself but felt a hot pain on your left side.

“NO! No, no Noooooooo!” Loki yelled and the fury in his eyes was something else. He threw one of his blades and locked it between the eyes of the soldier who had gotten to you. That left the leader.

His smile was devilish and frightening. “You are down 2 fighters, Kneel before me and I will let you die fast! She on the other hand will suffer.”

“I beg your pardon?!” Loki sounded as angst-inducing.

“I´ve got one knife left and my aim isn´t something to mess with.”

 Your left side burned... and you felt wetness inside your suit. It was harder and harder to focus and stand up straight, but somehow you managed. Tom still was out, you hoped he only was unconscious. Loki and the leader began a one on one combat that was to fast for you to follow in your dizzied state. Slumping to your knees you tried to breath deep, focus through the pain.

Your vision got blurred and blacked out for a second. The next thing you saw was Loki against a wall, the soldier’s hand around his neck…but then he slumped forward. A knife lodged into his back.

 Loki looked around baffled but then grinned as he saw Tom standing swaying on his 2 feet breathing heavy. “It seems I am in your dept, or we are even after I crushed that peasants’ neck for you!”

Tom laughed a little and looked at you. “(Y/N)…” he gasped and tried to walk over but slumped nearly instantly again as if he had mustered his last will to throw that blade. And that was the last thing you saw too… your eyes fluttering shut as you hit the pavement.

 “Breakable Midgardians… I NEED HELP HERE!” Loki yelled and saw the blood pooling under you as the suit retracted and showed your left side. Applying pressure as he kneeled next to you he tried to come up with a plan to get the both of you out. “HEIMDAL!” But there was no reaction. Seconds later Iron man landed near him. “Shit Loki, we need to get her into the compound…FAST!” He looked over to Tom. “You care for him, I´ll fly her back!” Loki was about to disagree, he wanted to care for the both of you. Iron Man saw the worry in his eyes and laid a hand on his shoulder.

“You are one of us now, they are too, we take care of each other… now let me help her!”

Loki nodded but said “One more scratch and you will pay for that!”

 Only nodding as he lifted you up and flew away Loki watched your slumped form until he refocused and ran over to Tom. There were no injuries that he could see. “You did well Tom, you did well…” He prayed that you and Tom would come out alive.

 In the compound was an earie silence as Loki made his way into it with Tom. The blood drops on the floor indicated the way you were carried. Thor busted through a door that second and ran to help Loki carry Tom inside. He looked beat himself. Blood and dust all over him. “Brother!?” Loki said in question. 

“Big fight Downtown, otherwise we would have come to help.”

“… How is (Y/N)? They did well, other Midgardians wouldn´t have lasted a single minute against those fighters.” Thor and Loki had Tom left and right under his arms and carried him through a door into the infirmary. “They are operating, she lost a shit-load of blood. Let´s get Tom sorted out then you can go see for yourself!”

 8 hours later Loki knew Tom had a bad concussion, some cracked rips and a broken arm. How he had thrown the knife with it was unbeknownst to him. That damn noble fighter had saved his ass with that toss. 

You were out of the woods so far and laying in the ICU to be monitored. The blade had nicked a bigger blood vessel but gladly not severed it.

 Another hour later Tom came awake with a gasp. “(Y/N)!” he rasped and looked around disorientated. “She´s alive Tom.” Loki said quietly. “I need to see her!” Tom tried to sit up but Loki stopped him. “Not yet my friend. You need to lay still.”

“Fuck that!” Tom swore. And Loki chuckled a little. “You do have it in you not to sound noble at all times…” He looked around. “Alright, but let me help you!” Tom nodded and let Loki tuck him up and engulf his neck in a ruff. “Take it slow!” Loki demanded and the both of them slowly made their way into the ICU.

 Later that night Thor and Iron man came in to find Tom in bed next to you and Loki slumped in a chair besides the two of you. All 3 sleeping and healing. 

“That was a close call…but they made it.” Thor said quietly. Banner appeared behind them and smiled as he took in the sight.

“I haven´t seen Loki so worried in a long time. Only with you Thor. They bonded…”      

“He might actually have made some genuine friends at last!” Thor said and smiled as Iron man added. “And we extended out little dysfunctional family a bit further.”

 6 weeks later you stood in front of a mirror looking at the scar on your left side. It had healed pretty well and you could finally walk like a normal person again. Tom stood beside you, all healed and handsome as ever but for a single scar on his arm from the correction of his fractured bone.

“I hope it will be our last battle scar”

Loki appeared behind you and grinned. “Don´t know, but what I know is, that that scar looks like the horn of my helmet.” He grinned as you all started to laugh. Tom adding as he took a deep breath.

“I can live with your helmet scar on her side, as long as she wears my ring on her finger soon!”

  Loki laughed mischievous. 

“Well, that is a whole new threesome if you ask me! For live!”

He laid his arm arround Tom and tucked him away from you. 

“But now, we will have a discussion about proposing propperly my friend!” 

Note: There might be a follow up on some events mentioned in the chapters. Such as Loki and Tom dressig up as each other. Possible wedding... who knows what will hit me and bring me to write more :) But for now that´s it with Solid Chaos. Thank you for your idea @drakesfiance and Thank you all for reading, liking and rebloging this fanfic. LOVE YOU!! 

Tags: 

@markusstraya @saxgirl21 @confessionsofastrugglingteen @drakesfiance

[hopeduckling13]

A Wish Come True: Chapter 9

Summary:  How quickly can your mood change from pure happiness to pure horror? In a millisecond.The day Killian and Emma found out they were true love, they were ecstatic. That is until, they were forced to say goodbye to each other. For forever. Or so they thought.Can they still manage to find their true love for each other after five years of seperation or is it too late?

Fandom: Once Upon A Time

Ship: Captain Swan

Setting: 5 years after 5x20 Firebird

Also on AO3, FF.net and Wattpad

Catch up on Tumblr: [Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8]

Reblog to be tagged in future chapters: @bioshocked-fallout

~~~ EMMAS POV ~~~

My mind slowly slips back into consciousness. I keep my eyes closed, but then I notice something weird. Something inexplainable actually.

There is an arm wrapped tightly around my middle. I feel someones steady breath on my neck. What the hell?!

I open my eyes quickly and look around confusedly. I do am in my room. How did I get here again?

And worse, this also means that there is someone in my bed.

For a second I think, that these past five years might‘ve just been a nightmare after all. A nightmare I finally woke up from. There is no one besides Killian, who would sleep in my bed, right? Not if they value their life. I would never let anyone besides Killian close to it. He’s welcome though. I mean he does live here.

The only problem with that theory is though that Killian never got to sleep in this bed. It might be ours, but he died before we ever lived in this house. He only chose it, so that we could have a white-picket-fence life. Aka the future we never got to have. The future we deserved to be honest.

Then I suddenly remember the previous day - single images coming back to until I finally remember every single detail.

It was the fifth anniversary of Killian’s death.  I was obviously very upset and missed my true love more than I already miss him any other day. My defenses were down and I also might’ve had a little bit too much wine, so I never kicked Carter out last night. He picked me up from the sheriff’s station because my mother send him to check on me.

We hung out a little at my place since I couldn’t convince him, that I’m better off alone that day - or any day actually, but I’d never tel him that. He is a good friend after all, so wouldn’t hurt his feelings like that.

If I remember correctly, I never even went to bed. I fell asleep on the couch, which means...Carter must have carried me here and changed me into my pajamas.

Oh, god.

I slowly slip out from under Carter‘s arm, before literally sprinting out of my room - careful not to wake him up though. I can’t face him. I need my space, which is why he never should´ve stayed here.

I take a deep breath once I get to the kitchen.

I’ll never drink again. I can’t ever let this happen again. I just can’t.

Sure, Carter has been my...boyfriend, I guess...for quite some time, but I’m not ready for this kind of commitment - letting him sleep here and waking up in his arm. He can’t just stay here, whenever he feels like it. I don’t ever want to wake up next to him again. I don’t ever want to wake up next to anyone but Killian.

Maybe, this gives me the perfect opportunity to break up with him. I’ve been meaning to do so and now i finally have a reason to be mad at him.

But I’m also not quite ready for really being single in my mother’s presence again. She might give me a week or so to move on, but then she’ll be back to matchmaking me with literally every single guy in town. I don’t want that. It’s the only reason I started spending time with Carter in the first place. It’s not like I ever had the slightest bit of feelings for him. He’s a nice guy and all. I do somehow enjoy his presence - with him as my friend - but that’s all he is to me.

And now he has broken the rules of our relationship. Sure, they were never spoken out loud, but he should have known I wouldn't want him to stay here. I never let him do so before and I also never stayed at his place, so why would I change my mind on the anniversary my true love’s death?

Just because he thinks, that we should get married and live together, doesn't mean that I agree with that.

And he’s aware of that since I rejected his proposals every single time.

Suddenly, two arms wrap around me from behind and a kiss is being pressed onto my cheek.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Carter whispers into my ear and once again I have to stop myself from visibly flinching at that pet name.

I pull away from his embrace, intending full well to bring up why I’m mad at him, but before I can say a word, the door bell rings.

“Excuse me, I have to get that.” I say. Then I leave the kitchen and Carter behind to walk to the door.

Who the hell would visit me this early? It’s barely 8 o’clock. I’m usually not even awake this early - except for when Henry is here.

Oh, god.

Is it Henry? Is he alright?

I reach the door in record time after that thought and swing it open. As soon as I see who it is, The doorknob leaves my hand and the door crashes into the wall. I suck in a sharp breath and feel tears forming in my eyes.

The door might’ve damaged the wall judging by the sounds it made. But I don’t really care about that.

I wouldn’t care about anything right now because what I’m seeing can’t be real. This is too good to be true. The best thing to ever happen to me.

In front of my door stands Killian.

For a moment I actually think, that I’m seeing things now - that I’m crazy and should be checked into the mental hospital, that Archie runs, but then Killian begins to speak.

“Swan.” he says quietly with a bright smile on his face.

He’s back. How is this possible? How is he here?

Honestly I don’t really care about the how’s. I’m just glad he’s back.

I’m about to run into his arms and never let him go, but that’s the moment I feel two hands on my hips, pulling me backwards. Then Carter presses a kiss to my cheek.

“Who’s our visitor, honey?” He says and I once again feel like punching him.

How dare he act like this is his house, too. It’s not and it’s never going to be. And the stupid pet name again. I hate it and especially I hate the expression he caused on Killian’s face.

My true love looks at me with sad eyes - honestly his whole body screams hurt and sadness. I just want to hug him and never let him go. An protect him from any negative force in this world.

So, that’s what I do.

I step forward and pull Killian tightly into my arms. I put my head in the crook of his neck and press a soft kiss to his pulse point, which is indeed moving. He really is alive. I sigh in relief. This is real. He is real.

I then breathe in the scent, that I‘ve missed so much - the sea mixed with a little rum. As I do that, the tears begin to flow down my cheeks like my eyes are the Niagara Falls. And for the first time in five years I cry out of joy, instead of pain and loss.

My true love came back to me and I’ll never let anyone take him away from me again.

[drokelley-blog]

Okelleys in Tenwek 2019

Since returning from Africa, my wife Dana and I have found it difficult to respond when asked how our trip was. “Good” or “great” is the usual one-word response but many more adjectives come to mind, as it was a trip filled with a mixture of different encounters, experiences, and emotions. And somehow just one or two words do not suffice. It would definitely be accurate to say that it was eye-opening.

We came to this particular place because of the Many family. Most folks know of our long-term friendship with them, so I won’t elaborate here, but it was wonderful to visit them and experience what life is like for them at Tenwek. I believe they are where the Lord wants them to be, but like life anywhere, Tenwek has its share of happiness and hardships. We had learned what we could ahead of time about Kenya and Tenwek from materials provided by Samaritan’s Purse who took care of all the logistics of our trip, as well as from conversations with the Many’s and also from our daughter Claire, who had visited with them for several months in 2015. But nothing really could prepare us for a place that is so different from our everyday experience back home.

Our drive to Tenwek hospital took us 4-5-hours from the airport in Nairobi on a rough road that had become paved only 5 years prior. Tenwek is located in the rural highlands of southwestern Kenya which has no large or modern cities nearby, yet the population in the general area is quite large. In addition, patients are referred from long distances for treatment at Tenwek which is one of Africa’s largest mission hospitals. As you might expect in a developing country, the people there do not have most of the things we take for granted. Clean water, reliable electricity, passable roads, and adequate sanitation are still hard to come by there, and there would be no access to adequate healthcare without Tenwek Hospital. It is a 300-bed teaching facility with a long evangelical-centered mission to provide the best healthcare possible. 72 of those beds are designated to the maternity service, where I spent my time working as a member of the “OB service”.

Most women in this area give birth at home. There are smaller clinics in the area which provide very basic care but lack the ability to handle most emergencies. So, women who come to Tenwek either arrive from their village, or are referred by these smaller clinics with little or no prenatal care and are either high-risk or suffering some sort of complication related to pregnancy or childbirth. The maternity service delivers about 3-400 babies per month, and also receives a large number of patients who have delivered elsewhere and are experiencing complications. The single delivery room holds 3 delivery beds or “couches” and is used for deliveries, triage, and labor exams. There is a 5-bed “labor” ward for laboring patients, inductions (of which there were usually 4-5 daily), and any high-risk antepartum patients. Of course, this ward stays full and often spills over to the other rooms on the unit, which normally accommodate lower risk antepartum, postpartum and post-operative patients. Healthy newborns stay with their mothers. Mothers whose babies are in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) stay until their babies are discharged. The NICU has a capacity of about 45. So, the halls are normally crowded with patients, visitors, and staff, and it is not unusual to have 2 mothers assigned to the same bed or 2 babies assigned to the same isollete due to overflow. There is one O.R. in maternity for cesarean sections, or other minor procedures, but it is only available from 9 AM to 4 PM. Outside these hours an emergency cesarean section must be done in the main O.R. or “theatre”, which is in another building.

To say that the conditions in the hospital are different than what I normally have available at home would be an understatement for sure. That being said, Tenwek provides excellent care for maternity patients considering their limited resources. Nurses manage all labor patients and perform all uncomplicated vaginal deliveries. They have medications such as Pitocin and magnesium sulfate for inductions and treatment of preeclampsia but do not have infusion pumps. They also have available the usual medications to treat postpartum hemorrhage. There is no continuous fetal monitoring available including for patients on Pitocin or with other high-risk indications. There is no epidural service available. Intermittent fetal monitoring and a vaginal exam (VE) usually are performed by the nurses every 4-6 hours on all labor patients. Inductions are performed with misoprostol, Pitocin or Foley balloon. Patients are not screened for group B strep but antibiotics are available to treat infections and are given preoperatively. Patients with one previous cesarean are allowed to “TOLAC” (trial of labor after cesarean). Everything is in short supply, and items we normally consider disposable in the U.S. are “repurposed” until they are no longer usable, such as Bovie pens and laparoscopic trocars. O. R. packs included cotton drapes and towels, which are sterilized and reused.

2-3 nurses cover active labor patients and inductions in 12-hour shifts, and 2-3 to cover postpartum, gyn post-op, etc. There are another 2-3 in the nursery caring for the newborns who are sick or premature. As I mentioned, the nurses perform the labor checks, non-stress-tests (NST’s), and routine deliveries and call the intern or physician for complications. The only patients directly under the supervision of the OB team are antepartum admissions, post-surgical patients, and patients with complications. During my time there were 2 medical officers (completed one year of post-medical school training), and 1-2 Ob- gyn’s, depending on who is available on a given day. The Ob-gyn doctors are currently Americans including Dr. Cheryl Cowles and Dr. Angela Many, but there is a new Kenyan Ob/Gyn starting soon who had just completed residency training in Uganda. There were also 2 clinical interns and 3 medical interns. Clinical interns have similar training and background to physician assistants in the U.S., whereas medical interns have completed medical school and will be medical officers at the end of their internship. Night and weekend call are divided among the Ob gyn doctors, medical officers, and family practice residents; however, the Ob doctors are always on the hook if needed to help with complicated cases. The interns take call also, and work pretty much like interns in our training programs back home, which is to say “hard”. On the OB service during my visit there was also a 1st year family practice resident and a 2nd year surgery resident. The daily rounding list included post-op, antepartum, ICU, and any other patients with complications and usually had 40 or so names on it. There were usually 10 or more new admissions every day. Many patients presented with “LAPS” (lower abdominal pains) and were full-term or post-dates based upon their last menstrual period but had no prenatal care and no ultrasound to confirm their due-date. There is one portable ultrasound machine on the maternity ward used by OB physicians and medical officers for performing scans. Typically, these patients would receive an ultrasound, NST, and a VE and were either induced, kept in the hospital for observation, or discharged undelivered and given a follow up appointment in the clinic in 1 week with the prayer that they would keep that appointment or return in labor and deliver a healthy baby.

So, between daily rounds, clinic, scheduled surgeries (non-emergent surgeries are booked on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the main theatre), new admissions, and emergencies, the OB service kept very busy. In fact, the number of patients and seriously ill patients was more than I had ever encountered in one place. The diagnoses on our rounding list resembled the contents section of an obstetrical text book. Tenwek mothers are also chronically anemic and that is a bad thing in obstetrics, where the potential for rapid blood loss is high. We ordered more blood transfusions during my 2 weeks than I have in over 10 years and possibly my entire career. Family members were required to donate, and nursing students, medical staff and missionaries were also called upon often to give blood in order to address the critical need. OB patients occupied 3 out of the 6 ICU beds in the hospital the first week I was there. Unfortunately, 2 of the 3 did not survive their illnesses. We also had several babies born premature and several stillbirths and most of these outcomes could have been prevented if they had gotten to the hospital earlier in their illness. I often thought of how back in Knoxville I would transfer such seriously ill or preterm patients somewhere else for their care, but at Tenwek there is no such thing as “somewhere else”. I took call 4 nights in 2 weeks including an entire weekend. I lied awake at night waiting for the beeper to go off and it usually did. I was able to take call from “home” (our small apartment at the guesthouse which is a 5-minute walk away), but they were not particularly restful nights.

Tenwek is a teaching hospital. So, we would begin “teaching” rounds every morning between 7 and 8 am, just like back in medical school and residency. This took some getting used to since I had not done this in 30 years, but I did enjoy the interaction with clinicians in training. Of course, acting as first assistant and helping an intern learn to perform a cesarean section requires patience, but this is critically important at Tenwek as the goal is to train more Kenyan nationals to provide for the healthcare needs of their country. There were daily conferences such as grand rounds, and “M&M” (morbidity and mortality), just like in any traditional academic setting. But there is also a clear spiritual emphasis here that cannot be missed; one that is related to the spiritual well-being of the interns, residents and ultimately the patients. The motto at Tenwek is, “we treat, Jesus heals”. Prayers are said for the patients before rounds and before every surgery. These prayers became a great source of comfort and strength to me personally as we cared for many seriously ill patients. In addition, a morning team devotion preceded rounds each day, and there is a devotional meeting for the entire medical staff every Wednesday morning in the hospital auditorium. In the evenings there are small group meetings for Bible study and fellowship in the homes of the missionaries for medical staff, interns, and students.

As you might gather from my description, the daily conditions, work load, and severity of illnesses which I encountered during my time at Tenwek was almost overwhelming. And yet I was humbled and amazed by the ability of the medical staff and missionaries to carry on tirelessly with great compassion and concern for their patients. Before the trip, I read a book entitled “Miracle at Tenwek”, which describes how the mission of Tenwek began and has since remained focused on seeking God’s leadership in sharing the gospel through medical missions. I believe that the success of Tenwek is due to the fact that the focus is still the same today. “They still do it right”, was an assessment I heard from a returning missionary in describing Tenwek in it’s mission to train individuals to provide compassionate care for the physical as well as the spiritual need of their patients.

So, to find one word to describe our trip to Kenya is difficult. It was a trip filled with joy, kindness, and beauty as well as suffering, sorrow, and poverty. But if I had to choose one word, I would use the word that another visiting physician kept saying: “amazing”. It’s a good word to describe Africa, Kenya, the Kenyan people, and the missionaries who work at Tenwek. But it is also a great word to describe God, whose hand we saw in every aspect of our trip.

[writer-queen-vee-blog]

The Rumpelstiltskin Code

Please note that this is simply my own version of “Rumpelstiltskin”, in a vampiric horror setting. I am doing a project for school, writing eleven different stories that all interconnect. I’d appreciate some feedback on this one, as I am very proud.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sHXG_V2sfj8t0hrn5HNJUqeG9LYJSnfl_pK0OC71dOE/edit?usp=sharing 

The link in case you’d like to crit in comments on the doc itself. 

Dahlia, you have always asked about your mother, and I’ve always refused to tell you. It used to scare me, I think, to tell you this story... But you’re old enough now, to understand. You will find the written prose of your mother’s story enclosed.

-- Bellamy

"My name is Bellamy, but you can call me Sir for as long as you are alive. Which I don't expect will be very long. You're all the same." His voice was cold, harsh; a razor sharp edge to his tone that told the trembling young woman in front of him that he was quite serious about the statement. "What is your name, woman?"

Bellamy waited, impatiently, until her soft answer left her, "Delphine, Sir." He could see the wheels in her mind turning; seeking answers.

"Good. You learn quickly. Now, this house has rules...

1. You may go into the courtyard and gardens.

2. You must remove your shoes before entering the house. Shoes are to stay by the back door.

3. You have to ask before going into any room without me.

4. You are to keep my house clean and orderly.

5. You are not to enter the room at the top of the stairs.

6. You will have dinner with me every dawn.

7. I awake every night at 7 p.m., you are expected to be up as well.

8. You are never to answer the door. Nor to invite anyone inside.

9. You may not enter the kitchen at any time.

Now, do you understand?"

He watched her closely, waiting for her to nod her head. Once she had responded with a meek nod, he turned on his heel and set out to show her his home. It was a fairly pleasant space, actually. The living room and sitting room matched, soft blues and yellows covered the walls. The kitchen was detached from the main house, to avoid any chance of fire spreading. It was dusty and seemed mostly unused. The restrooms were also dusty, but nevertheless tidy. She followed him along dutifully, as if she it was her job.

She was quiet, not like some of his lesser-natured catches. Most were chatty, or terrified. It never ceased to amaze him how chatty, some of the less-fortunate women he had taken would just talk his ear off, as if nobody had ever asked about their day. But not her. No, Delphine Mountrose was a quiet girl, looking only to do as he expected, it seemed. Bellamy was already thinking of ways to test just how much she would do for him.

"This is your room," they had skipped the room at the top of the stairs entirely. He had not mentioned if anything was inside the room, or even reminded her not to go there--he assumed she'd remember. "You are expected up by 7 p.m., no later than 7:15 p.m." His voice was level, and he stood in the doorway as she studied her quarters.

There was a small part of him that seemed to care what she thought.  Her reaction gave him no information, however, and he gestured to the wardrobe. "There should be something in there that will fit you." With those words, he left, shutting her door behind her--locking it for good measure. It was too early to trust her not to try and escape, after all. If by chance she did escape, he could not hunt her down until that night, either. Dawn was quick to approach.

That day, he could hear her trying to find a way out, a way to escape, but she would find none. Bars on the window, the door stood steadfast with its lock in place, and there were no weapons of any sort. If she tried to make any, he'd hear her splinter the wood.

As night fell, he waited and at 7 p.m., Bellamy unlocked the door to her room and was pleased to find her sitting on her bed, still in her nightdress. "Get dressed. Wear the yellow one," he ordered.

As he turned to leave, he heard her speak, she was asking a question. "W- Why that one?" It was a bold, brazen question for the meek little woman. She asked it and the tone implied she wanted an answer.

"Because, my dear, you and I are going to have breakfast." He was privately amused by the look of confusion that crossed her features; but he realized she was starving, not yet used to the schedule he was imposing upon her. That would be solved quickly, he suspected. Either by death, or she would adapt.

"I don't drink blood," she uttered shyly.

"And I do not expect you to. You will cut your palm and drain into a glass, while we wait for your breakfast to be cooked." Without another word, Bellamy shut the door firmly behind himself, and started downstairs. Upstairs he could hear her dressing, the soft fabric brushing across her skin, the creak of each floorboard as she stepped. She was trying to be quiet, the little mouse.

As she finally descended the stairs, dressed as if for a masquerade, he took a moment to look up from the book he was reading, admiring her. And then, as if he had not been taking in her beauty, he stated a bit aggressively, "That wine glass there, then. Cut your wrist or your palm, your choice. Fill it halfway." She would see that he had laid out medical gauze and bandages, as well as set two wine glasses out. One was presumably for her, hopefully to be filled with wine. The other for him.

Bellamy turned his attention back to his book, and as he did so, he heard her chair scrape against the floor as she pulled it out. Then, he heard the quiet hiss of suppressed pain when she cut herself. She was just eager to please. He'd only had a few of those.

It was a while in silence, to her, at least. He was too busy listening to the blood hitting the wine glass as she did as he'd told her. A bit later, after she was bandaging her palm, a two-course breakfast was brought out by an elderly man, much shorter than Delphine. The man, who was dressed in a tuxedo, dipped his head and shuffled back to the kitchen without so much as a word.

As she ate, Bellamy drank, watching her over the rim of his glass. She was truly exquisite, and her blood just furthered the belief. It did not take her long to finish her food, she had been so hungry, and Bellamy carefully asked if she needed second helpings, to which he received a nod. He never yelled her request, or even spoke it, but that same elderly man appeared from the kitchen, carrying another plate for her.

“Tell me, Delphine, what is your favorite thing to do in your free time?” He watched her quietly, patiently awaiting a response. So far, she had not lied to him once, hopefully she would not start now.

“I enjoy... well, I like to go on walks--and I know a lot about plants so I prefer a garden setting.” He nodded, encouraging her to keep going. She continued, “And I enjoy making medicines and helping others...” A selfless woman, how amusing. Then, she asked a question that stunned him.

“What do you like to do, Sir?” Her voice was even and soft, she’d remembered the rules.

Bellamy had never had his prey ask him what he liked to do; and the mere thought was amusing. What did he like to do? Humming thoughtfully, his brow creased. He was too lost in his thoughts to notice that his companion was studying him, almost as if she were poring over a book. After a pregnant pause, that almost came naturally to both Bellamy and the woman, he responded, his answer carefully thought out:

“I suppose, when I am not stealing women away for sustenance, I enjoy board games, walks in the night, star-gazing...” It was not what she had been expecting, and the mild look of shock that crossed her features proved that. He chuckled quietly, and spoke: “I never said I wasn’t like human men, Delphine.”

“How often have you gotten to do any of those things, Sir?” She was becoming bolder, now, and he appreciated that. After all he had chosen her because there was something different... though, he had chosen many of the others for that same reason, only to find out that they were all the same.

“Not very often. I’ve never had a companion who did not try to run away when we went...” A casal shrug of his shoulders, “Most often they did not survive the escape attempt.” He watched her face, amused by how neutral it was.

“They should not have tried to run away, Sir. You’re quite nice, for an abductor, that is.” She said it so matter-of-factly, that his amusement actually showed on his face. And seeing his amusement made her laugh. “You have an expressive face, Sir,” she commented, a quiet smile on her lips.

Bellamy cleared his throat, and fell into a neutral stance once more, studying her thoughtfully. He did not offer comment on her compliment, simply took it silently. The silence between them grew, until she asked, “Sir? Why can’t I go into the kitchen?”

“Because we have a cook that does everything. If you want something, simply tell me.” She fell quiet, a displeased look flitting across her features. He knew it wasn’t the best life, but it was only her life for a few more days. The moment she messed up, he’d drain her dry.

Days, however, turned into months. She was perfect. The first night he had needed to feed, to drain a body, she had been with him for a month exactly. Bellamy had been surprised when she had offered to lure him a young woman, if she could just watch him feed. He was not sure he fully trusted her, but he was certain of his ability to end her life before she could properly escape him, and so... she came with him.

And she was perfect, as ever.

She moved with ease through the dark night, her path only shown by the full moon above her. He watched her, but not like he was watching his next meal. She was a swan among pigeons. But not just any swan, a black swan--a rare and exquisite find. Something he would never release as long as he lived. Bellamy firmly believed that everyone deserved to find perfection at least once in their lives. Especially when one lived for hundreds of years.

She was the predator, and he was the man full of pride; certain he had found the woman for him. The blonde that she picked him was similar to herself, and he could not hide his amusement. She must assume his tastes, and perhaps she was on the right path.

“Hello,” she said, politely. She was a meek little thing, it was hard not to feel the need to help her. “I’ve gotten lost and... I don’t know where I am. Could you help me? I’m new to the area.” She was a good liar when she wanted to lie.

It was quite amusing, to watch her lie to the beautiful flower she had plucked from the soil. The woman, naught but a girl really, was eager to help and stepped away from the street light to lead the other to her destination. A hotel that was owned by Bellamy, though not under that name, of course. They walked a ways, and eventually the hotel came into sight, and he sidled up next to his swan, humming thoughtfully as he scooped her close for a moment.

“You’re just a special sort of girl, aren’t you?” He breathed, before he was on his snack for the night. He still preferred her blood, and would come to find that there was no better blood than hers, so willingly given. The taste was addictive.

Neither of them knew the girls name, but that didn’t matter. Bellamy had promised Delphine a show; and a show she expected. His fangs tore messily at the girls flesh, and he was carelessly wasting more blood than he had too, trying to keep an eye on Delphine. There was a part of him that feared she would bolt. After all, she was only human, it made sense for her to want to get out of the situation she had been trapped in.

But even as he drank the last ounce of blood from the body, she stood steadfast, clearly enamored. Whether she was focusing on him, or the woman, he did not know. But what he did know was... she was beautiful.

Dahlia, as you are aware, good things do not last forever. They never will.

But as you also know, I am stubborn. I refuse to sit back and let fate play its idle games...

-- Bellamy

“You have been with me for three years now, Delphine. A patient, obedient woman, never asking questions or going where you shouldn’t,” He was mostly speaking about the kitchen. “And for that, you deserve a reward, my love.” He pressed a kiss to her temple.

“A reward?” She inquired, studying him. Over the years Bellamy had been increasingly affectionate, never going too far, though. It was as if some part of him did not trust the little blonde. “What sort?”

“Oh... I know you’ll enjoy this, come along.” He purred, pulling her behind him as he led her upstairs, deftly unlocking the door to his room. The look on her face, a look of excitement, was enough to make him chuckle as he led her into the room.

“Undress,” he ordered. His dark gaze soaked in each inch of bare flesh, as she slowly allowed her clothing to hit the floor. It was strange to her, to be under his gaze while naked, as he was always respectful of her boundaries. Her skin was pale, like fresh milk, her hair a honey gold across her shoulders. She was slender, like a willow tree.

His darker hands settled against her hips, contrasting sharply, and slowly he drew her to the bed. His lips trailed across her ribs as he carefully laid her on the bed beside of him.

It became the norm for Delphine to be by Bellamy’s side, in his bedroom at night. Her own room gathered dust, though she cleaned it every week, she did not stay there. She liked being at his side; close to him in every way.

“Delphine?” Bellamy inquired, as he watched her drain her blood into a wine glass for his morning meal. She made a soft noise of acknowledgement, but did not look up at him. “You’re mine, only mine, right?”

“Of course.”

He moved quietly around the table, so quietly that she did not notice until he was on one knee in front of her. “I know that we can never be... officially married,” because Delphine was presumed dead, “but we can be married in our hearts.”

Bellamy reached to grasp the hand she had cut, pressing a kiss against the cut before he brought a bandage to wrap around it, tightening it. Then, quietly, as if she were that meek girl he had stolen away all those years ago, she replied: “Yes.”

From that moment on, the vampire and his woman were never separated.

Dahlia, when we found out your mother was pregnant, it was... well, a dream come true. At least, at first.

-- Bellamy

There was nothing Bellamy wanted more in this world, than a family. He’d thought that he had that with Delphine, but when she revealed she was pregnant, four months into their ‘marriage of the heart’, he was overjoyed.

Today, he was laying with his head in her lap, pressed against her baby bump, listening to her sing. Then, she fell quiet and he opened his eyes to look at her. “Bellamy...” She began, fingers trailing against his cheek absently. “...I always heard that vampires were these monsters, who could never reproduce.” She’d never asked exactly how she had ended up pregnant. But she was curious, who could expect her not to be?

Bellamy studied her, before he began to speak: “Well, a lot of the myths are wrong. I’m not any stronger than any other man might be, and it’s true that sunlight and silver hurt me... I require blood to stay alive, I have fangs...” He hummed to himself. “...but my body functions similarly to yours, love. I’m not dead, simply... I was granted with a gift, I guess?” He’d never tried to explain vampirism to anyone before.

“Oh.” She murmured, “Will... our child...”

He cut her off quickly as he sat up, reaching to cup her face in his hands. “She will be human. To become vampire, you’ve got to be granted the gift.” Delphine gave a soft sigh, and leaned into his touch.

There was one evening, where after three, almost four years of being together, Delphine broke the only rule he bothered caring about. She went into the kitchen. And she found his secret.

The moment he heard her footsteps change from creaking wood to tapping, he knew. The kitchen was the only room in the entire house with tile rather than hardwood. Easier to clean.

“Delphine.” His voice was cold, hard. He entered the kitchen silently, standing just behind her as she reached for the intricate lamp perched on the counter.

“Bellamy, where is the cook?” Her fingers grazed the lamp, and in a puff of purple smoke, the elderly man she knew as ‘Cook’, appeared.

“Mistress, how may I serve thee?” The djinn addressed her, with a twisted smirk.

“Bellamy, wh--” She was cut off from asking her question as Bellamy forcefully placed himself between her and the djinn.

“Do not respond to him, Delphine. Djinn are twisted creatures. You ask for one thing, and he gives you what you asked for... with a dangerous twist.”

Dahlia, the day that you were born... I guess it was supposed to be the best day of my life. Instead, it was the worst. I hope you will forgive me, little one.

-- Bellamy

“She’s going to be beautiful, Delphine.” He trembled as he clutched her hand in his. The djinn was still bound to her, and so long as she did not ‘wish’ for something, he would stay bound until her death. He was serving as midwife, neither of them wanted to bring someone into their home who might recognize Delphine.

The birth was painful, and with each scream Bellamy felt as if his heart was shredding. He could not bare to see her in pain. When a loud cry filled the air, the vampire blinked back his tears as he accepted his daughter; his little flower, into his arms. Bellamy was so focused on the newborn, that he did not immediately realize the scent of blood had grown stronger, stronger than it should have.

“Delphine?” She was fading fast. Blood soaked through her dress, into the sheets. So much wasted. He had to choose between his daughter, or his wife in that moment--and he quickly handed the crying babe back to the djinn.

“I’ve got you, darling.” He promised, as he sank his fangs into the flesh of her neck. He’d never drank directly from her, for this reason. He had not wanted to turn her; and if he’d drank from her with that in mind, he would have had to drain her completely so she could not be reborn.

But... he could not let her die, either.

For seven nights, Delphine writhed in pain. For seven nights, Bellamy tended to his daughter. His precious little girl.

Dahlia, I understand if you hate me. It was horrible, what I did. But I did it for you--everything I did was for you.

-- Bellamy

The eighth night, Delphine awoke. Bellamy had not left her side except to get more goats milk for Dahlia. When her eyes finally fluttered open, a much darker color than the light hazel he loved, he was thrilled. Sometimes a turning did not take. But Delphine had a strong will.

He placed his daughter into the bassinet next to the bed, and moved to his wife, kneeling next to the bed. “Delphine?”

When she lunged for the bassinet, he reacted on instinct alone. She was fast, but she was still new to her heightened senses. He had her pinned on the bed, fingers curling around her throat. “Delphine. Stop.”

The newborn was squalling, and underneath him, his wife was snarling. Delphine was not... the human he had loved. He had known it could happen; her humanity could be lost.

He made a decision, one that would tear him apart. His free hand dove into her chest, and the sound of muscle tearing and ripping was louder, than the cry of his daughter, in that moment.

Her heart beat furiously, as he crushed it slowly between his fingers. Bellamy closed his eyes, hiding his tears, as he carefully disengaged from his wife and pulled Dahlia against his chest.

“It’ll be okay, little one... Shhh.”

Dahlia.

I’m sorry.

-- Bellamy

[rainbowcolouredstudies]

How to get out of a phase of depression/burnout after studying too much

So I got an ask about this recently and I thought I would turn my answer into an organized post for y´all!

What I am talking about

I am not talking about chronical depression or a full-blown burnout diagnosed by a professional. In these cases, please get help from a professional and not on tumblr.

I am talking about working really hard all the time and then suddenly being exhausted all the time. Your motivation is gone, you are tired all the time, you feel like shit and your emotions, your mental health, goes down the drain as well as your physical health. But you have to get out of it because you still have to learn so much, you have finals very soon, a portfolio to finish, whatever. You cannot stop studying for a longer period of time now, but taking a day of simply does not help either. This is the situation I am talking about here and here is what I personally find helpful:

What not to do

Do nothing that harms you in any way. Self-harm is obvious but what I mostly mean is, do not force yourself to study if you feel really depressed. Do not work the whole night, do not skip hours of sleep, don´t start drinking large amounts of coffee just to be awake and being able to focus. (Huge amount of coffee actually can harm your stomach and heart permanently so please always be careful with that!) Don´t forget to eat regularly and at least kinda healthy (you can eat sweets and you don´t have to eat mostly fruit and vegetable and nuts, but don´t eat only junk food), don´t forget to go outside, move around. If you can do sports that would be the best, but if not, go for a walk. Don´t start laying or sitting around all day.

What you should do

Basically you have to leave this phase of depression behind you. This can be really tough and everyone needs different things to manage it, but over time you will figure out what helps you.

You have to start with little steps, you can´t just leap forward back into being hyper-productive. It won´t work and if it does, only for very short and afterwards you conditions will be worse.

I personally feel like there are three phases when recovering from these feelings:

Phase 1

Basics: Consciously decide that you now take some time for yourself. Don´t make any plans regarding studying. Here are some suggestions what you can do to start feeling better. You can do all of them as little first steps, or you can choose one of them or some of them and if that was effective, go on phase 2.

If you have missed a lot of sleep during the last weeks, sleep for as long as you can. Chose a day when you don´t have to get up at a certain hour, and don´t set an alarm. When your mind tells you to get up and work, but you still feel tired, keep sleeping. If you can´t sleep anymore, lay in bed, try to turn off all your thoughts and soon your body will win over your mind and you will sleep on. Really take the concious decision that it is ok for you to sleep as long as you need that day, or you´ll feel guilty and stressed and it wouldn´t help.

If you like music, and have the possibilty, go to a concert you like. Let yourself fall into the music, the lyrics, the beat. Scream and sing from the top of your lungs, jump and dance, forget about everything else, cry till you have no more tears, laugh till your body hurts. Experience yourself, the event and the emotions to the fullest. It will have a cleansing effect on you and you will feel so much better afterwards. (Of course this might be impossible to do that spontaneous, but you can book a concert ahead of time next time. Chose one that is during a stressful phase and really force yourself to go there. If you like concerts, you will not regret it, despite the loss of studying time.)

If you can´t go to a concert, or you don´t like them, but music and the lyrics mean a lot to you. In this case you surely know an artist, an album, a playlist, with songs that help you. That make you think opitmistic, that pick you up when you are down, that make you dance or at least want to move. (I don´t know about your music taste but for me The Cruxshadows are simpy the best in these situations (but only their new stuff)!) If you know the lyrics, sing to them. If you feel way too down to identify with the positivity of the songs, but you once did identify with them, force yourself to listen to them anyways. Sing along, as much as you can. If you don´t know the lyrics, listen to the songs on repeat, move to them, dance. You might feel like they don´t work because this world of positivity and light and hope and happiness is far away from your own world, but your subconscious will register them, and they will start to work in your subconscious. It may take time till you notice it, but it does work.

One important question is, if you still feel emotions? I´ve experienced two kinds of depression in such situation, one where I could cry all day and about everything, and one where I feel nothing at all. Another tip with music for both cases

 a) constant despair, panick, crying all the time: Of course under the assumption that you love music and that lyrics or songs can help you in hard times. Sort your bands/songs into three kinds: 

Sad, total despair, perfect for crying and being down and depressed.

Not really positive, but also not really negative. They are not really optimistic but there is some hope in the lyrics, or something that gives you a bit hope.

Optimistic lyrics, with lots of hope and light and happiness and positivity in them. 

Now start with number 1. Cry all your tears out, but make sure you know why you are crying. Think about what makes you cry. Is it the stress? Is it fear of not passing your finals? Is it something else that tears you down? Focus on these thoughts and cry until you don´t feel the need to cry anymore. Get up, wash your phase, chose songs from number 2. Search for songs that feel right in that moment. Search for songs that give you the feeling it can slowly get better. Listen to then, for hours, maybe days. Let the songs slowly be more and more optimistic,  but don´t overwhelm yourself because then you might feel you can never reach your goal. Once you feel like it, listen to number 3. Do this as much as you can. Now, this suggestion may take some days time so I would advise you to use one day for step 1, after you stopped crying use the time for yourself, don´t force yourself to study. Just make sure you are listening to bands from step 2. Starting with the next day, try to slowly start studying again during step 2 and 3.

b) In case you don´t feel anything at all: You have to start feeling again. WITH THAT I DON`T MEAN YOU SHOULD HARM YOURSELF. Just to make this clear: this is NOT the right way to start feeling again. But there are two healthier ways to start feeling emotions again:

You can try to trigger sadness and despair with songs from number 1. Find a song that truely breaks your heart. Or a movie, a book. It may sound brutal but it can really help you out of this apahty and tiredness. Then do the same as described about, let out all the emotions and then go to number 2 and 3.

Or you can try to trigger happiness and hope (which is way harder but it can work): Look at pics of your greatest memories, remind yourself of something beautiful in life. Watch your favorite music video, hug a loved one, stroke a pet. Just try to get a happy emotion.

If music is not so much for you, try something more physical. Go for a walk, do some sports, like yoga or running or whatever feels good to you. Make sure you are not to hard on yourself, your goal is not to work out really hard, loose weight, build muscles. Your goal is to get in touch with your body again. Start with short work outs and stop before you are totally exhausted.

Go out in nature and experience everything totally conscious. Breath in the air and feel how it fills your lungs. Breath out and focus on the feeling of the air leaving your lungs. Try different breathing rhythms, deep and long breaths, short and shallow, till you can really focus on your breathing. Feel the ground beneath your feet, the asphalt beneath your shoes, or the grass, stones, earth, moss. If possible, go into a forest or somewhere else calm and natural. Listen to the sounds of nature, focus on them. Listen to birds sing, or to a stream, to the wind, to the sounds of footsteps in snow, or the sound of leaves in a soft wind. Focus on them. It may make you cry or sentimental, but it will also help you. Touch as much as you can, grass, leaves, bark, cold water, snow, ice. Focus on the sentation, the texture of what you are touching, the feeling it leaves behind on your skin once you break contact.

Do something creative. I don´t mean you should decorate your bujo! This work related again and therefore the wrong thing. Draw, write, play an instrument. Not with the goal to be good, but with the goal to relax, turn off your thoughts, focus on the process of creating and that process alone.

Eat avocados. May sound weird, but they help against depression.

Drink green tea. It wakes you up and brightens your mood. But you should never do only that, do it to support other steps you chose or it will just be a short-time solution.

Phase 2

Basics: So you feel a little bit better now, more in touch with yourself, a little more hopeful. You now want to start studying again but not to much and not to stressful. Go easy about it.

Break down what your tasks are. Write everything down, every little detail, no matter how soon or how late you need it. Everything you don´t need very very soon, like within a week, you put away for now. What is left is what you have to do soon.

Make a list till which day the tasks are due. Write every little task down. If they are big tasks, like “I have to learn 3 chapters of maths till Wednesday”, break the chapters down into smaller parts. Start doing small, short tasks that take you only some minutes. Afterwards, tick them off, cross them out, realize you actually got something important done. Take a break, do something for yourself, like listening to music, dancing, some sports, going for a walk, reading. Don´t take too long, but make sure to take these breaks.

Once you feel you´ve been productive, try to do bigger tasks, focus longer. Slowly increase the amount of work you do and don´t overwork yourself. Don´t stress, don´t skip meals, don´t work late into the night. Make sure you take of yourself or you soon will have a relapse again.

Phase 3

Basics: You want to go back to normal studying, with hours of productivity each day, but without having a relapse.

Face your long-time goals again, but this time, try another perspective. I don´t know that much about school systems from other countries, but in my country it is like that: if you fail a final, you can try again 3 or 4 months later, and you have 3 of 4 chances.

Realize that you don´t have to get only As. You don´t even need good grates, as long as they are positive, everything is great! Remember, your own health is more important than your grades and more important than your reputation at school. Don´t think about people that might me better than you, or a teacher that might be diasppointed in you, if you don´t get straight As. Focus on your own health. Even if you don´t pass all your finals…what do you loose? Some months. Some months of probably 80 years of life-time. Some months, in which you can study without stress, without harming your own health. Some months, that might actually benefit your mental in physical health, if you don´t put too much pressure on you. Just because you failed a final, does not mean you are a failure or you will fail in life, fail when you try again or fail other finals. Accept the possibility of failing and put it into perspective with life. It really is not that tragic,although it might seem to you that way.

Now go to work again with a whole different mindset. You hopefully now overcame this phase of depression, but you have to be careful or you might have a relapse soon. If you realize that you start feeling worse again, stop immediatelly with the preassure and take some time for yourself. Maybe go back to phase 2 or even 1 if you need to.

You now might be studying many hours a day again but there are still some things you should include in your every-day life:

Eat kinda healthy. Eat avocados (not every day of course, but regularly)

Listen to music that helps you.

Remember to take breaks and use these breaks for yourself. Not for studying with a friend, not for your bujo or organizing something.

Make sure you always stay in touch with your body and your feelings and emotions. Let fresh air in and breath it consciously.

Go for walks regularly. Being in nature or if you life in a city, even out of your school, house or flat can help a lot.

Do sports, yoga, stretches, or dance to music.

Go to bed at a reasonable time. Reasonable does not mean when your work is done, but when you need to to live healthy.

Don´t block out the people around you. Talk to friends, not about school but about other stuff. Talk to family, spend some time with them, even if its only a phone call.

Let noone stress or preassure you. Tell them to stop if they do, or don´t listen to them.

If others are further in the process of learning for a subject, don´t let this get to you. You don´t need to be as good as them at school, you don´t need straight As, and everyones learning process and pace is individual. Don´t compare yourself to others but focus on making process at your own pace.

Don´t forget to reward yourself for the work you´ve done. This can be your favorite sweets or favourite food, a good movie or a nice book. This could be meeting friends or maybe just some alone time.

Don´t forget to track your progess. Just because you are in phase 3 and more or less back to normal again does not mean you can´t break down your work into small pieces when writing them on your lists. You can do more several small tasks in a row, and then tick off quite a lot at once.

Realize what you got done when the day comes to an end. Don´t focus on what still needs to be done, but focus on your progress.

And most importantly, believe in yourself and that you can do it. I believe in you and you should too! ✨

Another thing you can do, but only if you think it could help you and if you are fully comfortable doing this, you can go to the teacher you trust most and talk to them. I actually did this in my last year of highschool and she helped me so much!

[joking-suggestions]

Hi! It's a bother for you to answer to all the previous questions not yet answered for the game? Uh uh, don't worry if not, it's just that I'm curious! owo -(❍ᴥ❍ʋ) anon

oh my, ahaha, you don't have to worry, it was fun.

2. ❝ Who dumps the food they don’t like into the other’s plate? ❞

looks like something K would do lmao (especially because they are kind of picky with the food they eat, for example, they avoid meat). but albedo isn't a big eater either, so it's unlikely that he'd also finish what K doesn't.

3. ❝ Who talks to the waiter when you get the wrong order? ❞

K is the extrovert, so it's something they'd do. but albedo doesn't have any problem to clear out when something us wrong, he's just quiet.

4. ❝ Who eats the last cookie on the plate? ❞

mhhh, K or albedo's little sister-- he'd purposely leave the last cookie to one of them.

5. ❝ Who usually wins at (insert game)? ❞

I feel like it's albedo. but well, depends. K and Al invented a game where they use their spare time for creating stories, the best one wins. it's usually a 50/50. but albedo he's not really the type of person who's into games.

6. ❝ Who is the brain and who is the brawn? ❞

definitely albedo. he's well know for being a genius. not like K is stupid, but they are more like...a natural improviser.

7. ❝ Who gets you into trouble? (And who gets you out of trouble?) ❞

usually K has the ability to get in troubles, especially when they are with their friends. albedo bas got the job to repair their demange- (poor him) or getting them out of trouble, or even, preventing them to get in trouble.

8.❝ Who sends the other memes at 2 am? ❞

at a first albedo would be worried to disturb, but within time both.

10. ❝ Who tries to prank the other? ❞

usually K- that little bitch. but albedo his a little bastard too. he'd get his revenge, and when he does, oh well.

11. ❝ Who talks the most? ❞

K's is the sunshine who likes to talk to no stop, and albedo is the type who prefers to sit there and listen. albedo is not someone who loves small talks, but when he feels comfortable he become talkative too, especially when talking about something he's really passionate. after meeting K he started speaking his mind more.

12. ❝ Who is an “early bird” and who is a “night owl”? ❞

K's loves staying awake at night and then sleeping in the morning as much as albedo likes it too. albedo often needs to stay awake until really late for his job, and also waking up really early (since the road until the place he works it's quite far). if he has the chance to sleep until late, stay aware that he'd do that. but also if he could not mess up his schedule, he'd likely prefer that. tough, he's more an early bird who wakes up at 5/6 am before work, because when he has a decent amount of stuff to take care about he'd come home in the evening.

13. ❝ Who sings first at a karaoke session? ❞

actually karaoke isn't their thing so none of them.

14. ❝ Who would win at arm wrestling? (Fair and square or using tricks?) ❞

unless K won't be cheating (or albedo won't let them win on purpose for the sake of their satisfaction-) the alchemist has more physical strength. this little gremlin bastard-he's so lovely.

16. ❝ Who is more open with their feelings? ❞

probably K. albedo finds rather difficult opening up with his bottled feelings, it was a real challenge. but managing a relationship means to learn how to do that too, and with the right help from K he's slowly starting to open his heart to his beloved.

17. ❝ Who is the first to apologize after a fight? ❞

albedo and K rarely fight in the first place, but if by chance it would ever happen, well, it'd depend.

K would internally be panicking, and scared that they would lose the only person who loves them they would do their best to apologise, even if they don't know to. it's something that would happen after immediately after small fights.

albedo needs more time for himself and clearing up his mind. he tries his best to understand k's point of view. then, he'd verbally apologize, especially if he's aware that something might be wrong from his side. he's logical, so he'd see where his actions aren't coherent and since relationships and feelings are something which goes really out from his grip, he still has a lot to learn. of course he's also scared to bore K and being left behind even from them, so this fear would move him to do his best at dealing with the problem. he'd try to clear any misunderstanding with communication, maturity and logic. then I'd make up with some acts of service and physical affection, to show his lover that he's truly sorry.

19.❝ Who is more likely to cry watching a sad movie? ❞

none of them, actually.

20. ❝ Who makes the other laugh the most? ❞

tough someone wouldn't ever tell this; albedo has got a great sense of humour. even if it's kinda of questionable, it goes along with K's so they always laugh at what the alchemist has to say. he often try his best to reduce K into a laughing mess just because he loves hearing that laugh. but of course K tries their best to make albedo giggle too. at a first it was kind of hard, but eventually they got how to play the laugh card right.