#also im fucking starving idfk

[brrrkdslek]

MY MISTERESS </3

wooyoung giggled excitedly as he rode the elevator upwards to your office, he'd plan to surprise you since you were getting off work early. he bought your favourite flowers and even dressed nicely to see you.

wooyoung had to be the luckiest boy in this entire country as an independent and rich woman like yourself would go for a guy like him, he was over the moon during the first few dates. and it lead to more.

the security guards didn't even bother to glance at wooyoung as he came all the time, so often some people thought he was your intern or something. he jogged and felt his heart race upon nearing your door. he held the handle and took a deep breath before pushing it open, smile dropping as he sees another man inside, holding your hand and saying nice words to you.

you weren't smiling, he noticed. but yet, he couldn't stop the bubbling thoughts in his head, does she not want me anymore? am i not good enough? was i just her entertainment? do i mean nothing to- "wooyoung." your calming voice never failed to send shivers down his spine, he looked around, "he's gone now, you can come here."

you patted your lap as wooyoung regained a small smile and walked over towards you, shoving the flowers in your face, "surprise! i got them for you since i knew you were getting off early today!" your smile only grew wider upon seeing his lovely grin. "oh, i'm so pleased my love." taking hold of the bouquet, you took a deep whiff and sighed before placing it onto your desk.

wooyoung then settled on your lap comfortably just like how he did so many times before. you held onto his waist as your lips connected. wooyoung hoped you couldn't hear how loud his heart was beating, but he couldn't help himself, you were just so, so intoxicating. he whimpered as you slid your tongue into his mouth, as if you were fucking him. did you kiss that guy like that too?

suddenly, wooyoung pulled away. his hands on your shoulders were slightly trembling as his eyes grew red, "is something the matter, woo?" did you call him nicknames too? "i-i... uh-" wooyoung took in shaky breathes as he averted his gaze, constantly blinking away. did you care for him like that too? you nervously cupped his face and looked into his eyes, "wooyoung, talk to me."

he gulped, "who... who was the guy just now?" oh. you put the pieces together, "some client that was trying to win me over, why?" you giggled at the thought of wooyoung being jealous, you know he is and you've seen his cute pout and glares but nothing could've prepared you for what's next.

"do you... not want me anymore?" although it was just below a whisper, you heard it. and god, the tears forming in his eyes stabbed at your little heart. "what?" you were so shocked, how could he think that? "i-i promise i'll do better...!" wooyoung holds both your hands as tears streamed down his face, "i-i promise..! so please, don't leave me, mistress." he couldn't help but sob pathetically.

you immediately pull his in for a gentle and soothing kiss, one of reassurance, proving to wooyoung that he's yours and you're his. pulling away, wooyoung hiccupped as he looked down in shame, shame of what he said, shame of doubting your relationship over some guy. "i-i'm sorry..." you shushed the boy, "no, it's okay." you pull him into your chest and carded your hands through his hair, "i'll never leave you wooyoung. you're one in a million and i'm so lucky to have that."

wooyoung exhaled into your chest, "i should be the one to say that," he tilted upwards to look at you and you thought your heart exploded at his pretty glossy eyes and dusted cheeks, "you're so strong and independent and, and rich. but you still went for a guy like me..." you kiss the tip of his nose, "i will, i will choose you in every lifetime. in every scenario i'd still choose you." wooyoung never blinks as you looked at him with such love, such care. "do you know why?" he shakes his head, "because i love you, woo. you're special to me and you're my everything."

wooyoung couldn't help but get emotional again, clinging onto your neck as he sniffled, mumbling apologies and i love you's as he pecked your cheek and neck every now and then. checking the time, you realised you could get off now since you didn't have any more clients until late tomorrow. "c'mon woo, let's go home. you can cry more in the car." you teased.

wooyoung only whined and shook his head, arms still tightly caging your neck. you sighed before holding his thighs, picking him up with ease even in high heels. picking up the bouquet and your purse, you left the office after locking your door and waving goodbye to your bodyguards who were trying their best not to burst out laughing. "baby, can you hold my purse? otherwise i'll drop you."

passing your purse backwards, he took it into his hands and nuzzled into your neck, intoxicated by your sweet fragrance. the elevator dinged as you got on, pressing B1 for the parking lot. "do you like this perfume?" wooyoung only nodded as he tightened his legs around your hips, "my baby." you kissed the side of his head as you got off the elevator, walking to the car in long strides.

"woo, you have to get off, i need to start the car." the boy whined as he shook his head, tickling your neck. you rolled your eyes, "if you don't get off, i won't watch that movie with you anymore." wooyoung climbed off after that, eyes still red and puffy from all his crying as he got into the passenger seat. no, his seat. he watched from the rear mirror as you wrapped the bouquet as to not crush it before putting it into the trunk.

the car ride home was quiet as neither of you decided to talk, wanting to leave it until you arrived home. however you had a hand on his thigh the entire time, and was slightly brushing against his crotch.

-

"ah!"

moans filled the bedroom as you pounded into wooyoung's ass. your nails digging into his hips as you continuously thrust your own forward, making him cry out.

you paused for a moment and flipped the male over, making him land onto the pillows with a plop. you smirk as you run your hands over the dark purple spots on his skin, and your red lipstick that smudged most of his face. wooyoung whimpers and leans into your touch, "m-mistress, can i cum? please?" he jolted when you fiddled with his nipples, "i- ah! i really wanna cum..."

"you'll cum when i'm done showing you my love, since you don't believe me." wooyoung whines when you reapply your red lipstick, "i-i believe you...! so please, mistress let me cum!" wooyoung whimpered as he bucked his hip at nothing, precum dripping from his cock and onto his stomach as he twitched painfully.

you smack your lips and check yourself out in the mirror on your vanity for a few seconds before turning back to the boy, nearly laughing at the tears that were forming in his eyes. you got up and straddled his hips as wooyoung let out a high-pitched moan. he gripped your hip as you tutted, "ah, ah, ah. if you move even an inch, you won't get what's next."

wooyoung deflated back into the mattress as you brushed your hair back, "do i look pretty?" wooyoung's eyes sparkled as he admired your perfectly red lips, "the prettiest..." you chuckled and leaned down to peck his nose, leaving a small red lipstick print on his nose.

"can you fuck me now...?" you laughed, "yes, of course."

[raspberrysmoon]

fic/au idea idfk??? Kai Dean (THATS RIGHT NTK), who has either recently graduated high school or moved out during her senior year (with a school transfer) (maybe even junior year if we wanna get silly) (SOPHMORE YEAR??? no wait im sleep deprived) (or am i), is now living alone in the big city or whatever she's struggling to get a job, enroll herself in college, and it's not like she's getting help from her parents (tbh its not like she wanted their help nyways) she feels as though shes doomed to be a starving artist girlfailure of a woman who will either die poor from doing what she loves or be doomed to forever live in the cycle of a job (or two) she hates and being creatively unfufilled, who's only notable contrubution to whe world is writing crummy fanfics for her favorite medias (ALL THE SOURCE MATERIALS FOR THE KAI DREWNIVERSE. INCLUDING HF!!) the universe sees this and takes pity on her, and decides to send her a guardian angel. too bad the universe ALSO fucking hates her and sends her the worst guardian angel she could get!! enter wiggly. and yk what fuck it the other lords too. was only gonna do wiggly but yk what fuck kai dean. and kai drew too im coming for your ass bitch suddenly, they are RIPPED away from the black and ehite, and placed into the crummy apartment of a high school/college not-girl's apartment and find that they're stuck living with her shenannigans ensue, the lords lear how to act and be a bit more human with her (redemption arc????), kai has a. minor freakout after learning hf is rEAL?!?!??! and she is so very normal about that. she gets 5 gross ass caretakers. sotbaw type beat. hey maybe we can get pemma adopting her. maaybe. maybe kai's bio paremts get jumped idfk anyways thats that. am i crazy or am i onto something

i <3 her youre onto something

[lilylamps]

seapunk headcanons with long winded unnecessary explanations!!!

whwtegeahsh sorry if this is incoherent!!! (as always!!) i just like talking a lot!!!!! will be making a part two!!! cuz im,,,

crazy

-mayumi is a picky eater (like extremely picky)(AND THE INLY READON IS BECAUSE I AM AND IM PROJECTING)

- AND HOBIE IS NOT he is a firm believer in not wasting food because i’m like 98% sure he used to be homeless??? so i think he has a fear of not having enough food or starving or something idfk,,,!!,

- anyways he eats her unwanted food because she’s always like heyghehehUGHHHHHH 🙁🙁 when eating food she don’t like cuz texture and taste and UGH

- basically the olive theory

- he also eats her bread crusts cuz she doesn’t like bread crusts cuz she thinks they’re disgusting and inferior /hj?!?!!?!,,,

- he has this small habit of being protective over her BUT NOT IN LIKE AN ARGHHH ALPHA MALE 🐺🐺🐺‼️‼️TYPE OF WAY

- she’s just like kinda,,, clumsy

- so he does this thing where he’s helping her not like do anything stupid w/o her noticing

- like for example they’re standing near a railing watching stars she gets rlly excited cuz she sees a shooting star and leaning over the railing a bit to much for his liking, so he just like safely hovers his hand subtly over her back incase she falls

- or if she’s about to bump into something he gently moves her out the way or she’s abt to trip and he pulls her back by her collar softly because cuz she has no thoughts behind her eyes and is equivalent to a baby with no consciousness (JOKING but not rlly tbh she’s just fucking,,, stupid???? she’s very unaware even w her spider sense bru her spider sense is like the only reason she hasn’t been hit by an on coming car)

^^ them probably btw it’s so funny i love them

- hobie who loves aggressively and softly simultaneously????

- it’s versus the most wettest sloppiest biggest kisses and cuteness aggression about mc vs speaking to her gently and giving her the most whipped and gentle love struck look known to man kind whenever she’s not looking and little smooches

- they’re both equally as clingy,,, heueuegg but she gets embarrassed abt PDA cuz she’s,,, shyyeyeye,,,, so she tries to holding back???,?, but he does NOT cuz he has no decorum and doesn’t give a FUCK

- he rlly loves her cheeks thighs and tummy hehehrhryry (AGAIN NOT IN A WEIRD WAYYSYSY UGH)

- he just

- really likes how soft they are

- they’re so chubby he loves them!!

- they’re like pillows,,, ehehueue like wheneber he gets a chance to lay on her tummy or thighs he just SHNOREEEEEE MIIMIMIMIMIMIMI

- she is emotionally sensitive and fragile and hell???????????? BUT BUT BUT she has a weirdly high pain tolerance (might me a spidey thing idk yet)

- like she gets stab from a villain and she’s like ????? ow???? (NOT ACTUALLY it still hurts but she not like,, bawling from it,,, she’s more like why would u do that 🙁)

- but as soon as someone yells at her in a negative way she’s just

- 🙁

- ☹️

- 😔

- she is really emotionally unstable though cuz she??? doesn’t know how to deal w bad feelings???? SHE OVER THINKS A LOT

- yk the stupid fucking things cats do to get their owners attention by head butting them

-that’s her

-but real gentle

- just head buttin his arm or back or chest for attention

- also she’s kinda bad at like asking for things

- so she just communicates with really sad frowns and pouting and whining and heyehrhrhrhrhehhehe

- and he makes her use her words AGGRGRHRH IM NOT GONNA TYPE IT OUT CUZ ID FEEL CRING BUT YK WHAT IM TALKINV ABOUTTTT 👹👹

- this man is so fucking whipped for her

- and she is TOOOO

- this little shit (mayumi) CANNOT sleep w/o him because we all know her sleep schedule is shit and is fucked and is bad bad bad bad and she can only sleep w him or some kind of remnant of him

- BY REMNANT i mean like something that at least fuckin uhhrhr smells like him or something

- like she steals his band tees, vests, jackets, etc to sleep w or use as a pillow case cuz everything abt him is a sleeping aid for her

- and then he has to do like a shake down every two weeks because he’s somehow missing all his clothes!!! and so she has to surrender a whole closet of his clothes!!!!! (which i think she’d do anyways to like, rejuvenate the smell?? IDK YK WHAT IM SAYING) but summary she’s a little sneaky sneakster that steals his clotheshshd

-and i WOULD like to think she has a diy hobie build a bear of him,,, cuz im, crineg and i think stuffiesdj dedicated to s/o’s are cute 😖 like ik this bitch would buy fabric for this build a bear a make its own vest boots etc etc for it

- she also hides it religiously cuz she knows she will get flamed by him

- think i made a doodble of this a couple days ago but ummmnndhdb she likes singing him to sleep and he likes it too cuz he thinks he voice is nice and soft compared to the music he normalieyy listens too ifs just veryyr soft spoken

-def sings him to sleep if he has like spiderman nightmares and like kisses his tears away (if buddy even has any idk 🦅)

- it’s definitely the same other way around like he’d play her songs she likes on his old ass guitar (mayb his like, first one) and just comfort her or smthing

- ALOSO I SAW THIS THING AND IT WAS LIKE “you remind him of his first guitar” AND I WAS FREAKING OUR ABOUT IT BECAUSE SHE REALY IS LIKE HIS FIRSF GUITARF DUDE I RLLT CANT ELABORATE BUT BASICALLY SHE GIVES HIM THE SAME FEELINGS HIS FIRST GUITAR DID BECAUSE IT MADE HIM FEEL SAFE AND SECURE AND HE WAS ABLE TO EXPRESS HIMSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME W IT OR WHATEVER SHUTNUP

- ummm, their sleeping arrangement sucks balls

- CUZ ONE HOBIE IS STUPID AND BRITISH AND A FOOL so he cannotjr handle the hot when he’s sleeping ESPECIALLY IN HER UNIVERSE SHE ITS ALWAYS SWEATY AND HUMID (it’s literally just the philippines)

- NUMBER TWO SHE CANT SLEEP IF ITS COLD ESPECIALLY IN HIS UNIVERSE SHE NEEDS IT TO BE WARM AND ALWAYS HAS LIKE SEVEN LAYERS OF BLANKETS ON HER

-so one always wakes up frigid cold and shaking or the other wakes up at 3 am with a dry mouth in a hot sweat

- but they tend to take naps/sleeps(?) in hobies universe cuz for hobie it’s genuinely hell for him on her earth he’s burning he’s screaming he is NOT ballin

um!!! anyways!!!

lub u guys ☺️

[allofuswantgwinam]

gwi nam x reader

warnings: kinda short, calls u a whore, oral f receiving, he is a hambie *halfbie idfk, i see people use both lol*

authors note: this was supposed to be longer but ill do apart 2 if y’all want. I just wanted to post soemthing for you guys since I haven’t in a few days, I hope it’s not terrible 😂 I just finished it at work on break

“you smell nice.” his face was buried in your neck inhaling your scent. he had found you hiding the archery room closet. you had been in there for about 15 minutes when you heard muffled fighting from behind the door. you being a curious person made the mistake of peaking your head out the door to see what was happening and that’s when smelled you. he turned around and saw you instantly, making you slam the door shut in fear. you didn’t know gwi nam but you did know he wasn’t one to mess with.

“I’m starving.” he growled and shoved his hand down your skirt into your underwear. the sweet smell of your arousal was making his dick grow against your ass. he had your font pressed into the door with his pressed into your back.

your heart was pounding from the adrenaline this was giving you. you didn’t know what he meant by being starving. he might eat your flesh and turn you into a zombie or maybe he’s gonna give you what you desire and fuck you until your numb. either way you knew it wasn’t up to you. you moaned at his two fingers roughly pinching your clit. you squirmed your hips wanting more, brushing your ass into his hard bulge. “i’m gonna devour you.” he growled and spun you around making you gasp in shock. “p-please don’t kill me.” you watched him terrified of what he meant by that. it would suck to be eaten by someone. that was the last thing you thought would ever happen to you… well until a few days ago at least. he snickered at your words, pulling your skirt down with your panties.

“why would i kill you when you want me to fuck your dripping cunt so bad.” he bit his lip and ripped your shirt open. you really did. you don’t know how he knew you were turned on or what the fuck had happened to him. his eye was fucked, he looked like he had bite marks on his upper body and arms. he had smelled your sweet scent as soon as he got to the closet door. he was hungry in a different way with you. he wanted to taste you, savor you, but also keep you around for later when he wanted more. “but im gonna have a lil snack first.” he hinted to what he was so hungry for and left hard nips down the middle of your chest to the place you were craving his mouth the most.

“please.” you whined when he nipped and sucked on your outer lips teasing you and inhaling your pheromones. his hands were squeezing your thighs and pushing you back against the door to hold you still. “need your tongue so bad.” you almost gripped his hair before he snatched your wrists in one hand while looking up at you with a stern expression. “hold your hands together above your head. if you touch me i won’t let you cum.” he spat with his eyes piercing into your frustrated pout. you obliged and put your hands above your head, lacing your fingers together. he wanted complete control and you let him have it.

“fuck it’s so wet.” he moaned and took a long lick up your slit before sucking and biting hard on your clit. you moaned and squeezed your hands so hard your knuckles were burning. he slid his hands up your stomach to pinch and tug your nipples while sliding his tongue inside you. “mmmm” he was moaning with your whole pussy enveloped by his warm mouth. his eyes were closed in bliss while you struggled to grind your hips into his tongue. “soooo good.” you cried in pleasure wishing so badly you could reach down and grip his mullet for support. you palms were now pressed agains the wall and your head was dipped back with your eyes rolled back.

his fingers were pressing into your thighs so hard you were sure there’d be finger prints after. he stopped making out with your lower lips and admired your soaking core with pure hunger. you whimpered and pouted at him missing the way his tongue felt. he glanced at you and chuckled. he slapped your clit and watched your body flinch and your face scrunch in pleasure. “this pussys just for me, yeah?” he growled and and spread your outer lips open with his fingers. you nodded furiously. he chuckled at how easily you submitted to him. “fucking whore.” he growled and dove back in. he was fucking you with his tongue while rubbing fast circles on your clit with his thumb.

“pull my hair.” he mumbled and gripped your ass, pulling you more into his mouth. you wasted no time reaching down and gripped his hair tight with your fingers. “f-f-f-fuuuck.” you groaned and squoze your eyes shut feeling your orgasm build up inside you. he moaned at the feeling of your pussy tightening around his tongue. he loved the way you roughly pulled his hair and moaned profanities with his name. gwi nam smacked your ass hard with both hands and growled ready for you to give him what he wanted. “im cumming!!” you squirmed watching him lick up all your juices with his eyes piercing into yours. you panted and mewled when he bit down on your sensitive clit before going back in and licking his tongue up and down your pussy.

you lulled your head back and let your moans echo the room. he tickled his nose on your clit and inhaled your arousal. “so fucking sweet.” he growled and stood pressing his fingers around your throat. “im gonna fuck you so hard. you think you can handle it?? hmm??” he spoke sternly with his glistening lips hovering yours. “yes, please fuck me.” you begged making him smirk wide at your desperate expression. “it’s yours.” you moaned, loving his fingers around your neck and the way he was controlling you.

“you asked for it.” he snickered and dropped his pants ready to fuck you like you never experienced before.

[kill-your-fics]

shit i wish i had the energy and skill to write or, ideally, someone else would write

-little shop of horrors inspired story with verdant!wilson and audrey ii is a lureplant and rather than be eaten by it willow destroys the whole thing with FIRE because i feel like thats just what happens whenever willow faces a threat. Anyway wilson's camp/research station burns down, oh no! But it's okay bc he can just move in with Willow, right? And then oh my god, they were campmates 😳 HAHA JK but fr somewhere inbetween is a PLOT i cannot find, please help or im gonna feed maxwell to the fucking plant for evil crimes

(actually...... maybe that could work)

shit i kind of want to write myself but theyre just vague ideas

-literally just willow and wilson talking. The dialogue fic. they discuss everything from life to the nature of the Constant to what happens when they escape, if they still want to escape, wilson would feel as the group's scientist that its his job to find the way out of the Constant and willow would be like "dont for a minute feel guilty because that asshole maxwell did this to us and he hasnt done jack shit to get us back home so really its on him" and idfk throw some comfort cuddling in there.

-willow "accidentally" burns down the camp because thats just what she knows how to do and they FIGHT but eventually wilson realizes shes not the only flawed person to mske mistakes (AHEM mr lets build a portal to the hell dimension) and like, forgives her, and she forgives him for being a jerk, and theres plot inbetween where she ~runs away~ and does pretty good living on her own for a while but we all know it cant last. maybe throw a fucking giant in the mix but its all really about processing emotions. Mmmmm the flavor.

-willow, a ghost, finds wilson bc he lit a fire one night and she's basically fire starved so she follows him around just for the campfires and naturally his sanity plummets because there is a ghost haunting him but neither realizes it. humor ensues due to crazy madman. craziness eventually leads to the creation of (the first?) TELL TALE HEART which finally brings willow back to life, also eventually they gotta definitely go back to find willow's lighter, but its been stolen by a moleworm bc of course it would be. fuck it combine this with willow burning down the camp above and get us some good tension going.

-???? idfk i just know i want more

[m318x2]

i have little to no proof of this but i think this former friend that i stopped talking to like a year and a half ago (bc the bitch ghosted me and didnt show up when we had plans and didnt even call to cancel one too many fucking times and i got sick of it) is on hard drugs of some kind.

like shes lost a lot of weight, which doesnt really mean anything because when we stopped talking she was already trying to lose weight (i know she used to be bulimic like years ago but to my knowledge she wasnt purging again or starving, im 90% sure she was being healthy about it, she was just like going for walks and eating less junk food is all) and its been long enough that the amount of weight shes lost now seems like about what youd expect from a year and a half of progress, it wasnt super fast and shes definitely not like underweight so im not worried. but now she's just posting a lot of selfies and i honestly cant tell if its just acne because that literally could be all it is. but it also looks like it could be skin picking or like sores of some kind on her face. theyre really spread out and theyre all like scabbed which makes me think theyre those sores you see on peoples mugshots after they get arrested for crack or smthn.

idfk man but one time like two years ago she deadass was like "i kinda wanna try heroin" and i was like "bitch no its way too hard to quit that shit and so easy to overdose on, dont do it" and at the time i dont think she knew anyone that could sell her heroin but after we stopped talking she started dating this guy who was into psychedelics, and idk if he maybe knew someone that couldve gotten her into harder shit. idk. theyre broken up now and shes just lookin really pale and kinda dazed out :/

but like she has arthritis and is on immunosuppressants, its literally just a weaker version of the chemo they give to cancer patients so literally everything ive just listed could be the arthritis meds.

idfk man. like im not gonna ask her about it because i honestly dont think shes changed and i dont wanna talk to her again and also i know she'd think i was being judgy if i even brought it up because like thats a HEAVY accusation to put on someone you dont even talk to anymore, and like i said this isnt much to go on and she literally is probably fine :/

[kyutown]

Good evening my liege! 💖 I was intrigued to find out about you while diving deeper into tumblr hell so, I am here with a plead to ship me with nct and svt, of you'd be so kind ✨

Alright so for starters, I'm an infp! I'm a generally well-mannered person with people I meet for the first time, borderline sweet and awkward at the same time. I like not to overinvest in first meetings with people and sometimes I think I am somewhat defensive of myself. My emotions always show on my face, both the good and the bad ones. So if someone does say something that I find offensive or whatnot, it SHOWS. I generally hate rude and offensive people all together, as well as people who are vulgar if we're not well acquainted first.

I'm not good at starting conversations and I usually just tend to listen to my friends talk most of the time. It's not like I have nothing to say but I really like listening to my favorite people ramble on about things they love or generally talk about their lives. Im a pretty good listener and I am always objective, even with my family. I won't hold back and I will give you my honest opinion in every case. I always try to see from all perspectives, maybe that's why I'm often somewhat indecisive.

That being said, I really don't shut up about things I love or my hobbies. I'm usually the mood maker of the group as I hate conflict and tension. I am a very sarcastic and cynical person in general and that reflects on my humor, which can vary from vulgar to very dark and inappropriate. Yes, the type of person that will try to hold in their laughter cause I made a mental joke to a funeral. I love witty, stimulating and deep conversations. I'm not that big on casual chitchat but it's okay most of the time I guess.

I'm the personification of open-minded and im also quite opinionated and I can back up my arguments if needed but I tend to avoid getting into heated conversations cause again, my mind reads it as tension. I love being around friends doing nothing and everything but most of the time, I find alone time to be very healing for my mind and soul. I find authenticity and weird little quirks that people have extremely attractive. I'm somewhat stubborn as well.

I also used to have stress and anxiety issues, not anything serious but enough that I had trouble sleeping at night. It was just a few years ago that I decided to not care about every single thing and have a more of a "fuck that" approach in life and honestly, I've never imagined that it would be so liberating. I regained my confidence, physically and mentally, it was an empowering process! I really do believe that self-exploring and healing is the no1 most important thing that someone can do. Love yourself first and foremost and fck what anybody thinks.

So, moving on xD I am a romantic and soft deep down, even though I try not to show sad emotions when around people. But you can be sure I cry at random rescuing dog videos, or videos with people helping each other. I love humanity but hate it at the same time? 😂 Idk if that makes sense, it is what I feel lol I love to learn new random stuff! I'm currently studying linguistics and uni and I aim to be a translator or interpreter, cause i love languages and the cultural differences that come with it. Hence my undying love for music of different genres and languages! Music relaxes me and I couldn't imagine going on without it for more than 3 days. While I do tend to listen to kpop which is more upbeat and experimental, I also LOVE Latin music and rock. I love love traveling around the world! My hobbies include drawing which I'm self taught, fashion and creative writing! I tend to daydream A LOT during the day and so many ideas pop up in my head. I love exploring other cultures' religions and beliefs as well as mythology. I always found it fascinating. I love plants as well! My room is basically a garden xD I also love mystical but also borderline creepy and gory stuff xD I call skulls "pretty" the same way I would call a puppy "cute" 🤣 I'm aware οf that but I can't help but enjoy the look of horror in people's faces xD

oh, I really enjoy observing people as well! Not in a weird way! Their mannerisms, the way they speak, their features. I also love thriller and horror movies the most as well as dark social drama ones. You know, with murders, suicides etc I like how in even the tiniest ways they depict our society as people and frankly, it's sad but I try to be optimistic and keep a positive approach in life. I also really appreciate stand-up comedy xD

Closing up this huge essay, some last things xD I, and I cannot stress this enough, am unable to flirt. Like at all. I can't even maintain eye contact for more than two Seconds. I wish I was kidding. Sadly I'm not 😂Weird thing is, turns out I am actually able to flirt but I'm not aware I'm doing it?? I'm a master at text flirting apparently lololol. What I am, is also called DENSE AS SHIT when it comes to couple things. True story, if you want to do the freaky with your s/o and you need me to leave the room you better TELL ME RIGHT TO MY FACE or else, we gon be there aaaaall night xD And its actually a remarkable feature of mine, considering how dirty minded I usually am lol

I also think I'm touch starved sometimes, like I really like hugs and cuddling and teasing but I'm not gonna ask for it🥺I'm a night owl and I tend to procrastinate a lot. I can't work efficiently if there's not a deadline, like I need that pressure on me in order to function xD My weak spot is actually to act whiny and needy and cutely in front of me. I can do ANYTHING that u ask me of when this happens. And if I show any resistance, JUST KEEP IT UP. I'm jelly on the floor when this happens. Idfk why, it just works?? My sister is abusing the sht out of this method 😭I can't say I make friends easily, cause I believe I do come off as maybe off-putting or weird at times, plus as I said if you're really cant shove your conversation in my face the first time we meet, imma be just an awkward ball of giggles and smiles and "can I go home now pls" 🤣 My general aesthetic / vibes would be sunsets on beaches, soft grunge, cottage core, lofi and hedge witch aesthetics!

Okay so, I think that's everything and probably way more than u needed, so thank you for reading everything my stupid ass wrote❤️

hi! thank you for responding!

for nct, i think yuta would be a nice fit! yuta also likes rock as his favorite band is one ok rock which is a rock band. i feel like you guys would always listen to music (not always rock) and would enjoy making time go by like this!

for seventeen, i think you would match well with the8! the8 would be the type to enjoy exploring new cultures with you and new religions, he would also love to dress up with you and put together outfits with you!

[yyxgin]

i think what bugged me the most is i could say ‘they’re literal depression pills/they made me depressed’ and could reel off the side effect word for word (1/10 will experience mood swings (sometimes in the form of depression)) which was literally the first fricking side effect listed and the most common and she would still refer to it as me being sad literally seconds later in a convo. okay i never went to the doctor but when it occurred to me that, hey, something isn’t right, we were in the middle of a fucking pandemic!! i mean, we still are, but you get the point. this was right at the beginning when they basically closed everything as well so even if i wanted to i wouldn’t have been able to go see someone about it. but it’s whatever now, i don’t take them and i don’t have to give her any advice about them ✌️ i completely get the lack of validity about your emotions. that’s exactly how i felt.

i work so im not bothered about seeing people as i see them enough by my standards already but there is a helpful little voice in the back of my head reminding me that i still need to see my friends!! from before i got a job lol. i worked like 55 hours? my first proper week when i wasn’t on reduced hours and now i work maybe 30? which annoys me so i’m gonna ask for more bc i wanna buy a car and insurance. you still go to school, right? i feel like you’re more stressed about work considering you’re studying too. or were. have you just broken up from school? i don’t study, thank fuck, anymore, so i can do full time but i always get put on evenings so i’m thinking of getting a 9 to 5 bc then i can get the money i need.

a woman was rude to me bc her takeaway wasn’t ready bang on the clock when she turned up to pick it up. man it took literally every fibre in my being not to tell her to fucking leave me alone bc i’m a waitress?? what does she expect me to do??? i found out after but apparently our website tells you to allow a 15 minute slot when you order takeaway to pick up. i checked on this woman’s takeaway and told her it’d be ready in 10 minutes and she said sumn along the lines of ‘so 10 past 8?’. imma tell you straight i wasn’t looking at my phone so i assumed that meant the time was 8pm! (it wasn’t) she said to me ‘and i assume you’ll be knocking money off of the bill for that?’ and i politely replied ‘i can’t do that.’ bc i literally cannot. has to be a managerial figure. bearing in mind she’s already paid in full online???????? n she replies ‘do you wanna go suggest that?’ and nods towards the kitchen and i said no and walked off. the AUDACITY??? anyway i told my manager and she rolled her eyes and was like we don’t do partial refunds and said she’d talk to the woman when her order was ready. this woman was all up in my face saying ‘do you think that’s a reasonable time?’ asking if she should come back at 8:10 and im like idfk?? i have things to be doing can you fuck off?? no i didn’t say that but she says ‘i’ve got kids in the car with the engine running’ and i deadpanned ‘i didn’t tell you to leave your kids in the car with the engine running’ bc it was the first thing my brain thought of that wasn’t ‘sounds like a you problem to me’. in the end she left and came back but when she came back she was properly shouting at another waitress i work with and the girl was like 😄 your food was ready 20 minutes ago but you didn’t leave your details to be able to ring you to tell you it’s ready. she even re-mentioned the kids in the car saying they were starving and it was all our fault and the girl was like hmm okay. and then the woman said she was gonna leave a bad review on trip advisor!! and the waitress was like 😃 you do that bestie!! another great day on the grind :D (i forgot to say we were swamped on saturday so that’s why everything was so busy but she was literally the only one complaining that bad, like literally everyone could see we were struggling but they also were saying to wait staff things like ‘i know you can’t make things go quicker back there’ while we were apologising for the phat delay on their food).

another funny one (that made the barman laugh when i told it to him) was a grandma and a grandson in my section. the grandma was dictating his life jesus 😭 (not important but made me go 😳) but one of the girls cleared the table partially when i was doing sumn else so i finished it off and when we get back to kp she tells me the grandma complained the food was cold and without hesitation i said ‘well she fucking ate it all so tell her to fuck off and talk to someone who gives a shit’. she went quiet and i was like,, man i hope i didn’t scare her. but like. they cleared their plates. there was no food left. she didn’t call someone over. she didn’t say anything to anyone when they ask if it was okay. why wait until the end?? anyway i told thé barman and he giggled (he’s got a lovely laugh in my opinion bc it sounds like he’s snickering at everything). i was NOT going to tell my manager bc there’s literally no point. same day, later on, a man said his mussels were cold, i took them back and the kitchen cooked them again. i’d barely put the food down before he called me over (this one is a good one bc he hasn’t eaten EVERYTHING before complaining and therefore we can do something about the problem‼️) respect to that guy.

one of the girls gave me a lift home last night n the barman directed her right to my house without ever having been to my house before (his cousin used to live in the flats down the other end, he says) and when i messaged her later on thanking her and saying it was a bit sus that he directed her perfectly to mine n she said ‘hmm ben seems to go to yours more than he does his own home 🤔🤔🤔🤔’ bc apparently he was absolute shite at giving directions to his flat 😭 n e way he’s a sweetheart n he says he doesn’t like christmas anymore n he made me sad after he said that n i said i’d post coal through his letter box n he said i might as well n i was like okay this is an actual problem n now i’m gone be super nice to him at christmas bc he deserves so much more that the hand he’s been dealt. this convo happened after i let him try this herbal tea he said smelt nice n i said it tasted like christmas to me. he’s such a good person (despite literally everything he tells me about his past) n i cannot have him being a little humbug. god i think this crush i joked to you about is becoming a soft core friendship. like every fucking wattpad story out there. me n the girls agreed someone has to love him 🥺

okay im signing off now ily ~ 🌻

 i am glad you are feeling better though, nobody deserves to suffer. and nobody deserves to have their emotions invalidated. remember that your emotions matter at all times. <3

yesyes i am still in school !! altough my summer break started on july 1st so i am not that stressed about managing many things at once anymore hh,, also you are working so much ??? damn ?? please remember to take some breaks and relax !! and meet your friends !!! have fun. i know you are saving up money but please dont overwork yourself !

wHY ARE PEOPLE SO RUDE OH MY GOD I SWEAR,,, i learned that while working with people. i just,, it feels like they are all looking down on me just because i am young and work there part-time. like bro,,chill. also i feel kind of bad when they ask me where stuff is and i cant tell them bc i have no idea but at the same time if people were all introverts like me i wouldnt have this problem. :) dfjk jk jk i should improve on that. i wish people were more nice to you !!! who do they think they are ?? like,,,,,why are you rude. this is clearly not your problem.

i like it when people tell you respectfully. like the guy you mentioned. because clearly what are you going to do about the cold food when they’ve eaten it all. where’s the logic. 

IT SOUNDS LIKE HE IS OVER AT YOURS EVERY OTHER DAY DFJAKL that’s so funny. also i am bad at giving directions to my flat as well lmaoo poor ladies that drive me home from work sometimes. also i hate christmas as well lmaoo i feel that boy. its a little hard for me and i hope he doesn’t feel as bad during christmas this year when he has you around hihi,,, i fully stan this friendship. altough i am a big fan of friends to lovers if you know what i mean. in the energy of wattpad :))

ily !!!

[artmusicjoy]

i just want to scream into an abyss

but i also want hang out with friends

but everyone is an ocean away (even though I’m meeting new people but haven’t reached out to them because I don’t know how to nor do I know how available they are but i feel better talking with them, is that because they’re cool people or because they’re people at all? also i’ve kept in touch with pretty much everyone from home anyway so why the fuck do i feel so alone?)

i just want a hug (i like hugs, ok?!?!)

i just want to talk (i don’t even know what about. something deep but simple and trashy but not pointless even though realistically everything is pointless)

i just want something (probably dinner, but I feel sick from eating so much earlier, or am i actually hungry again and just can’t differentiate the feelings because i’m fortunate enough to not wonder where / when my next meal is, except now that I’m feeding myself I can’t get off my lazy ass to take care of myself. or am I just joking about dinner because i can’t describe this want i actually feel?)

i want to do something 

(God going back through this makes that part feel like shitty poetry^^^)

and now i’m going through to bold the original stream of consciousness so anyone reading can see how editing thoughts works, because I can’t even trust my gut on my emotions in real time. or did I just say i can’t trust myself because of a jaded character i was watching a few minutes ago? i can’t even trust my own commentary on my commentary. I’m a mess.

i want to scream and cry and laugh and run and dance and write and read and study and cook and break things and punch a wall without alerting my flatmates and actually feel like I’m close with them without coming across as weird for not getting to know them better the past month and just feel normal

but there is not such thing as truly normal so why do I care so much about being it?

would friends even help me in the long term or just distract me in the moment until we go our separate ways for the night or day or week or lifetime. as much as i love my friends and know they’ll want to help, I don’t want to weigh them down with my wellbeing. Especially since everyone has their own shit to deal with that’s arguably worse than mine. Yet if they said that to me, I’d reply “someone with a broken ankle won’t (or at least shouldn’t) tell someone with a sprained ankle that their pain isn’t real or valid.” 

my is my default feeling so numb and so painful at the same time

why can’t I cry about this? like i physically have felt the need to cry in the back of my mind for the past like three weeks and have only gotten a few tears out

i need to get more done

even if more is crying

why am i bothering to fix any mistakes I type as though I’m going to post this

should I post this or would my friends worry too much? should I let my vent into the infinite abyss of the internet and maybe someone will relate and feel better by seeing it

or am i just typing so I can look through my thoughts like a diary while not talking to myself (like a crazy person in the movies) 

is it even that normal that I can like feel the need to cry build in my life? do i really feel better when cry or is it just the relief of being empty (i just fixed two more spelling mistakes)

I keep telling myself in class that I’m motivated enough to work on the next project (or reading for my classes) and I even started an idea for one, but I’ll probably scrap it because it was so spur of the moment

and I’m behind on the dictionary project partially because I don’t give a shit, partially because I feel like I’m behind in the class when I’m really not, and partially because I feel like putting it off knowing I’l get it done eventually because I always do

I can boast never using an extension even though it means I’ve stayed up till 3 AM to write two paragraphs, only to stop at 3:30 to take a shower that I was putting off until I finished my work, as though disregarding my body’s health is the way to keep my mind from staying idle

and that was a year ago

now I just feel bad about feeling bad and not doing the things I know will help me

I fucking wrote my 300 level English final paper while my mom was packing up my dorm room so I could go home for winter break and have everything to be abroad. She was so worried seeing me work in the moment, so down to the wire. But so proud that I was able to buckle down and do it. Whereas I felt like shit for not doing it sooner. It was a topic I CHOSE and I LIKED IT. WHY THE FUCK DID I PUT IT OFF>!!>??!? I don’t even remember, probably because of my other, less exciting but way bigger project weighing down my spirit

if I just change my scenery then I’ll probably feel better

go to the common room to be on my computer instead of the same for walls of my room that I’ve decided were better because they’re private and nobody can judge me in here, but they also can’t get to know me and I can’t get anything (or much, I’m somehow doing some of the readings) done. You know, like a few other people do and then I’ll feel weird for only starting to do it now. idk

if I could just find another passion to keep me going, a new show or book

god i need to get the courage to go enjoy the library here. I feel so out of place there. nothing’s worse than feeling like a waste of space and a stupid piece of shit in a university library full of people like me who are probably procrastinating or struggling to finish work or even trying to figure out the English language because they’re from the freaking Netherlands and India and everywhere else

while im just the american in England who is struggling over something I probably wouldn’t feel if my life were just a bit worse. as though switching my life with some starving child in the arctic circle would make me feel better because i’d be too close to death to feel like shit and they could enjoy all the benefits I feel like i’m abusing by wasting away on my computer typing into a void rather than actually working to resolve my own issues

because maybe this post will somehow help me resolve things by putting them all out for others to see. or so i can reference it later. idfk

like “hi friends, I’m feeling like shit. Also I’m loving my time abroad, I had chocolate pancakes for dinner last week and I somehow feel like I have the right to complain about doing nothing and feeling bad about doing nothing.”

like knowing you’re a piece of shit doesn’t make you better than anyone because everyone should be trying to work towards a better self and more complete sense of self but i don’t even know where I’m going with this sentence, let alone my fucking life

maybe I should get a boring office job because then I’ll know what to expect and how to get my mundane task done instead of trying to build up the will to be my own boss as a writer and still never feel motivated to put my LONG list of ideas out into the world beyond my desktop

I seriously have over 70 pages of bulleted ideas, half of them are barely formed but i can’t bring myself to get rid of them because they might be worth something to someone one day

i wonder how future historians will deal with old laptops and the documents that were never shared there or the posts that feel so personal but so private as anyone can find them but only some will know the face behind my screen

do I want to share these thoughts with everyone? just close friends? or nobody, not even myself?

fuck it

To my friends: don’t feel obligated to read all this or reply. But you can if you want. Wow this sounds so manipulative, like reverse psychology bullshit. I’m sorry. 

I’m second guessing posting all this. But after all the effort I put in, I think it’s important to have and remember or whatever.

here it goes

EDIT: two minutes later and I feel like an attention whore and feel bad and need to point it out before people (strangers mostly, but still) make that judgment of me themselves. And now feeling like more of an attention seeking piece of shit for pointing it out. why is my brain so broken

would I ever really talk like this face to face? will people see me differently after this? i... whatever

[katiemonz]

Heya! I saw a think legit months ago about Scourge bein real touch starved & people falling asleep on his shoulder n such!? Could you talk more about that bc that's adorable as heck man! Like, someone just grabbing his hand in excitement or hugging him from the side?! :0 Thank!

Scourge was never one for hugs. It makes sense, he figures, since he never had any friends or loved ones until recently. But still, it bears repeating: he probably hasn’t been hugged since he was a child. No pats on the back, no side hugs or half hugs or anything of the sort. Well, there was that one big group hug after they defeated the Time Eater and sent the kids home, the one where he bawled like a baby, but that was a highly emotional time. He figures it’s just a fluke.

But nope. No, he’s playing video games with Amy at her place, some co-op thing, and they beat a level they’ve been stuck on for 45 minutes. Amy freaks out, screams a little, wraps her arms around his chest, and he can feel the shivers run up his spine like a cold front. He has a brief moment of panic–she’s hugging me, what is with the butterflies in my stomach, I’m not into her so why does this feel so good–and then it’s over, Amy’s hands are back on her controller and she’s picking the next level.

He lets out a breath that he didn’t even realize he was holding and tries to focus back on the game, but he can still feel a tremor in his ribs. It’s a while before it passes. He’s almost sad that they don’t get stuck on a level like that again.

Scourge doesn’t know what to think of that hug. Chalks it up to excitement and relief at finally beating that damn game. He manages to forget about it, at least until Sonic pesters him into going to the workshop for a movie night a week later. Tails is curled up in an armchair, Sonic is sitting on the arm of the couch like a weirdo, and Zonic and Scourge are sitting on the couch itself, close to one another so they can easily bring up memes on their phones to silently share.

While Scourge is ignoring the movie (something about dinosaurs) and scrolling through his phone, Zonic leans into him to show him a short video. And it happens again. The world slows down, he feels that contact, and he just. Melts. He doesn’t mean to, but he sinks in his seat, leans right back into Zonic, and wonders once again what the fuck is wrong with him. Is he going nuts? He never used to want people to get all touchy-feely with him. First Amy, and now Z? The hell?

“You good?” Zonic asks when Scourge slumps in his seat, completely oblivious to the electricity engulfing Scourge’s whole side. The green hedgehog nods.

“Yeah, just–” Scourge starts, and then he clears his throat because dear Chaos that was a hell of a voice crack– “Just gettin’ comfy.” Ugh, this is embarrassing. He hates when people touch him! Why’s he getting all melty?

He sends Zonic a text once they both go back to watching the movie, because he’ll be damned if he mentions this out loud. But Chaos, he needs answers.

Scourge: hey dont freak out but like

Scourge: when u started leanin on me just now?? it felt… good? and i thought i didnt like people touchin me but

Scourge: idk same thing happened with ames last week, she hugged me and it felt like my body did a loop de loop

Zonic: ?? Maybe youre changing your mind abt that stuff

Scourge: maybe??? idfk all i know is that i got the shivers. like the good kind. sorry this is probably weird as FUUUUUCK

Zonic: Nah man u just sound touch starved to me

Scourge: ??? explain

Zonic: Your body isnt getting enough friendly touch. U know, hugs and stuff

Scourge: thats a thing that can happen?? ?

Zonic: Yea

Scourge: no wonder it feels so fuckin nice, ive been goin thru a hug drought

Scourge: cept for u nerds and fiona? i think the last hug i got was from my mom before she croaked

Scourge: like, when i was 7

Zonic: Oh yikes

Zonic: Dont worry man Im on the case. Its leaning time

Just then Zonic leans all the way into Scourge’s side, head on shoulder and arm on arm. The weight leaves a warm feeling in Scourge’s chest, and he thinks that maybe Zonic has a point. What else would that feeling be, the warmth of friendship?? No, that sounds dumb. Way dumber than “touch starved.” At least he has something to look up when he goes home later.

Scourge: ty

Scourge: for this. and also for tellin me that this is kinda normal

Zonic: Np, happens to all of us. Chaos knows its happened to me

Zonic: Now shut up, some of us actually care what happens in this movie

Scourge: the dinosaur dies at the end, ive already seen it :P

Zonic gasps. “Asshole!” he cries out, giving Scourge a harsh shove with his elbow. Sonic and Tails look at them, see them both smiling, and don’t ask. Once he’s done, Zonic leans back into Scourge’s side, and Scourge proceeds to melt into a puddle in the corner of the couch.

The movie ends and the dinosaur doesn’t even die. Zonic swears vengeance for the cruelty he’s been put through at the hands of these lies. Scourge is too busy smiling to care.

[brrrkdslek]

50M FOLLOWERS SPECIAL‼️

❒ ateez x gn! reader

❒ idfk, gossip girls???

❒ your friend ditches you and is replaced with your favourite group, ateez.

❒ 0.8k

❒ fyi i was like half asleep when i wrote this. im not even gonna bother to edit btw im not making fun of anyone n shit just go with it pls im begging😭🙏🏻

your heart stops for a whole minute as you watch ateez walking across from you, just getting off their flight.

you rubbed your eyes multiple times as you shamelessly gawked at the boys that walked farther and farther away from you. damn, is this how lucky you are???

apparently not as you waited at the parking lot, checking your phone every few seconds waiting for your friend to arrive to pick you up.

you squatted down as fatigue took over your body and knocked you to the ground. you sighed, not even bothering to move.

just then, your phone vibrated in your pocket as you pick up the call. "jiwon! where the hell are you, i'm fucking starving!"

"uh... i might not be able to make it, heh." your eyes widen as you silently cried. fuck it's already 11pm, who's gonna take you home now???

you decided to sit there and cry your ass off until a miracle happened, which it did. you cried and whispered words of curses directed to your supposed 'best friend'.

"waaa, that stupid bimbo... i bet she ditched me 'cuz she's hooking up with some man whore," "who did?" you jumped as you looked to your right.

is that,

jung. fucking. wooyoung. question mark.

you stare at him for a few seconds before suddenly slapping yourself across the face, taking him by shock. "fuck! focus y/n, you shouldn't be fucking hallucinating right now..."

you sighed as you looked in his direction again. his figure still and very real. "wait, what the hell? you're real???" you put your hand over your mouth, why were you so fucking unlucky????

wooyoung then laughed as you stared at him like he was on something, "ah- sorry, i've just never met a fan like this before! wait, you're an atiny, right?"

you nodded, face still red from embarrassment. "what are you doing out here at," you glance at your phone, "almost 12am?" wooyoung shook his head, "no, what are YOU doing out here? and why are you on the ground crying????"

you explained your situation to wooyoung as you cursed your friend in anger. you also told him that she hooks up with the randomest dudes ever and worst of all, she's your roommate.

the miracle finally happened when wooyoung offered to drive you back, not mentioning that he was with his members too.

as you approached the black van, he opened the passenger door, pulling san out and shoving him in the back. you side-eyed wooyoung as he kicked and shoved san into the back, no explanation.

"yah! jung woo- ow, don't kick me!"

"what the fuck are you doing???"

"hey, get off me!"

"what is going on???"

the members clamoured as they adjusted their seating due to the extra fatso being shoved in. extra fatso as in choi san of course!

"you saw nothing!" wooyoung exclaimed happily as he opened the passenger door for you, you got in and sat awkwardly as the members gawked at you.

maybe you should've stayed outside until you got kidnapped by a sexy man/ woman and lived in their basement forever, okay maybe it wasn't that bad.

"uh, who are you?" okay maybe it was that bad.

"uh-" wooyoung got into the driver's seat and started the car, "our little atiny's friend dumped her on the streets so we're gonna take her home!" ouch, why's he word it like that???

mingi's face lightened up, "you're an atiny!? ooo, who's your bias?" fuck, you didn't expect that. um, what were you supposed to say now???

suddenly your phone rang. for the first time ever, you thanked jiwon for calling you at a random time. wooyoung put on some music and started driving, "oh- right, where do you live?"

the members tease wooyoung for his stupidity as you entered a location on the gps, then answering the phone. "hello- what?"

the members eyed each other quietly as they, not very discreetly, listened in on your conversation. not like they couldn't, right?

"what did you say just now?" "uh- so my hookup might've stolen your yeosang photocard." you gasped so loud. wooyoung looked over, "what, what is it?"

"oh. my. GOD! KIM JIWON, HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU TO FUCK OUT OF MY SPACE!? I LOCK THE DOOR FOR THAT DAMN REASON HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??"

the members eyes widen with curiosity, silently rooting for you as you screamed at your 'friend' on the phone. unlucky day it was.

you hung up, turning to wooyoung, " actually, take me here instead." you enter another location. "what- wait why, what happened?"

then began your rant of your slut of a roommate. how she was messy, never giving you space and always up your ass about everything. you also mentioned that you were finding a new apartment so you could finally get away from her.

"what! that's so insane, she let the guy sleep naked on the couch??" seonghwa cringed in disgust. "yeah, he was so damn ugly too." san snorted and laughed, "i even have a picture, you wanna see???"

the rest of the car ride was filled with gasps and 'no way!'s and 'omg's and more! but of course, the boys deliver you to your location safely and you've never felt happier.

©BRRRKDSLEK 2023

[vampyro]

i feel weird hen i try to figure out my sexuality bc i have next to no experience with anything and ive had intense crushes/feelings variously so like

it’s kinda hard but then im also pretty fuckin grossed out by dicks like on real people but mostly when flaccid i think--thank you chatroulette for that one

and then sometimes i think im a lesbian and then i remember the one big crush i had in schoool and my 47 anime husbands and it all goes up shit creek with like half a paddle from there

and then theres like the way people in their 20s are so fucking weird-even creepy- about when it somehow slips in conversation (usually through talking about boundaries and dating history types of shit) that im a virgin at the age of 21 and you get people --the like couple who ever talked to me at all this year---saying they’d help you out with that and its like i dont even knwo you what the fuck

and some people try to dive in too fast but then theres one instance where ngl i just really really wanted to kiss this person but i was afraid to because like they were taking it slow bc they had 10000 times more experience thanme and i really didnt know what to do because they were also super fucking pretentious and rude to my friends so idk man like i guess i just feel weird about a lot fo things and im so fucking scared to even remotely indicate to any girl past a “omg i love your hair!” type of fuckin comment taht i could remotely find her attractive because im so fucking terrified like what if shes straight and i offend her or she has the school or store or whatever kick me out or i get some kind of awful comeuppance just because idfk who is and isnt gay like it has never been easy for me to tell outside of horribly stereotyped fiction

and like i dont know how to even think about feelings becuase i really want to find at least SOMEONE to just like, date even??? who is closer to home but it’s so impossible when i never do anything and everyoen on that Her app is kinda awful and okcupid is worse probably idk i never get anyone who wants to talk for more than like... maybe a couple hours total i guess im really boring but then on okcupid you get so many people who are like

already part of a couple and just wanna make friends like what the fuck okc is literally the thing i cling to when i get so far down into the pits of romantically starved despair and upload a coupel cute ass selfies and try likeing pictures until i gain the strength to bottle up my frustration again but idk how long i can realistically take it like i cry almost every night because i dont fucking know what to do with my life between job shit romance shit friends shit and shoocl shit like when will my life fucking let me HAVE SOMETHING

[misc-merde]

vent time. just   ignore this & have a nice night

[chaiinofmemories]

-

[leaving-all-of-it]

Ahhhhh

I just feel so trapped and alone.

My mental illness symptoms are really making functioning SO difficult lately and honestly I’m.. not functioning that well. I have not been showering as often as I should, I have not been eating enough at all the last few days purely because of lack of physical and mental energy/spoons to cook and prepare food, my sleeping habits are also very bad, and I’ve been just dragging myself around most of the time.

Yes I have been getting some stuff done through it, which is really good, and I’ve been praised by friends who understand the mental health struggle and say I’ve been doing really good. Which I somewhat have been.. but also not. 

Especially when my aunt and uncle that I live with (until the end of this month) will be back next week and they are REALLY fucking uptight about everything being like PERFECTLY tidy (like they expect the dishwasher to not just be clean but UNLOADED and empty.. which hello depressed fuck over here thats just NOT possible 90% of the time mates). They don’t understand mental illness at ALL and haven’t even accepted explanations I’ve given them before and explaining a lot of the time I just DONT have energy and its NOT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE for me to do something.

So I can’t help but continually seeing my progress in the eyes of my family members and neurotypicals the last few days. I can’t help that when I packed up the whole bathroom - which required emptying cupboards and drawers, going through and throwing out garbage, organizing, and THEN putting into 2 boxes... probably took a good hour at least - I didn’t feel very accomplished I just stressed about the boxes in the living room downstairs and the papers on the floor and couch that I haven’t got to. About all my clothes I just tossed in the guest room to organize and put away.. but haven’t yet. About the mess in the kitchen I haven’t cleaned up. About the fact I haven’t cooked proper food for myself. About the fact my room is still messy and I have 293082948 things to go through and pack not only in my room, but also boxes in the garage, and items in the basement. 

I’ve been trying trying trying so hard to push through everything the last two weeks, especially this last week. I’ve been TRYING to push through and just get ANYTHING done. And I have gone a couple times out to collect boxes from the mall, and I have packed up a couple boxes, and one day I sort of tidied the kitchen (its a disaster again), and I did get the garbage out last night (hallelujah!), and I did buy the things I needed for the shelter from the dollarstore and go to group... but overall, honestly, I can say especially from my personal internal experiences of the week; I have not been doing well.

Last night I STILL didn’t get to sleep until like 2am because I had my light on until 1:30 idfk why. So I woke up at like noon, and then didnt leave bed until after 3pm! I got up after 3, made some raspberry sauce on the stove to eat on top of my leftover pancakes; and then abandoned the pot and dishes and everything right there on the stove when I was done. I went up to the guestroom put a show on my laptop; HOPING to sort my clean and dirty laundry at least and throw laundry in... yeah that never happened. I watched the show on the bed and got increasingly tired and fatigued, and when it was over just laid on the bed half falling sleep for like an hour.. it was nearing 6pm at this point.

At SOME point I got downstairs to heat up 3 spring rolls and eat them. Then I watched a show for another hour or whatever. Skyped with my friend. Ended back up in guest room on my laptop on tumblr... Feeling fatigued, depressed, distressed and panicked about the state of the house and my functioning right now, very hungry, and its 8pm. 

I feel so alone. I feel so anxious. I feel SO depressed. I feel so distressed. I feel guilty. I feel trapped. I CANT make myself do any of the millions of things I need to do. I’ve been pushing through... just dragging myself through the week somehow managing to get SOME things done.. but idk if its just it all catching up to me, or staying in bed until 3, or WHAT but I’m just so DONE. I feel so done and broken down and at the end of my rope tonight.

And not in a desperate, breaking down, panicking, sobbing kind of way. In a very numb and tired “I’m sitting here struggling to type this and stay sitting up because I am so fatigued and I just want to sleep. Also I am starving but have no energy to put anything into me other than cheerios but I know they will not fill me up in any way so I have no motivation to even go get them.” kind of way. Like.. just seriously depressed. Fatigued and numb and done

and Im deep down panicking over this because IDK WHAT TO DO 

IDK HOW TO DO ANYTHING

I WANT SOMEONE TO COME BREAK ME OUT OF THIS OR DO A BUNCH OF MY STUFF FOR ME OR BOTH

BUT I CANT HAVE THAT AND I DONT HAVE ANY SUPPORT PHYSIALLY Or IN PERSON RN

MY FAMILY IS STUPID ABOUT THIS AND DOESNT BELIEVE ME

AND I STILL HAVENT TOLD MY ONE OTHER INPERSON FRIEND MY SITUATION LIKE AT ALL BECAUSE I HAVENT REALLY BEEN ABLE TO HANG OUT WITH EHR IN PERSON AND IM STARTING TO WONDER IF ITS PARTIALLY INTENTIONAL AND SHE DOESNT REALLY WANT OT HANG OUT WITH ME

hahhahah yayyyy