#also ill never recover from the deleted scene

[hugh-lauries-bald-spot]

ororo carrying logan over her shoulder in xmen 92 is so funny. get hoisted idiot.

[alicerosejensen]

I love your page so much omg. I‘m literally obsessed with your work😭🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Also I have this imagination in my mind going on about how Leon would try to help his girlfriend from recovering from her mental health issues since she’s always helping him. I was recently thinking about how he would react finding her not moving on the bathroom floor and trying to bring her back! I rewatched American horror stories and the scene with tate and violet in the first season episode 6 (ig?) is always in my head. I‘m still recovering from my past and my unhealthy habits and tbh recovery never felt better.

If this is too much for you or triggering please ignore this.🫶🏼❤️

I had a terrible period in my life when I was a few steps away from doing something like this in my life and unfortunately this shit often comes out. I'm not sure that such texts help me work through my psychological traumas, which were, in fact, inflicted on me and continue to be inflicted by close people who do not consider me a person, but at least such works help me to vent my pain, which I cannot permanently bury in myself.

I have been postponing this request for a long time because I was probably waiting for the right moment to write this text.

There are mentions of suicide, psychological trauma, severe self-doubt and anxiety, so if this is not acceptable to you, then please just block it.

Perhaps there is a similarity with my previous texts, but I am writing this with strong emotions now that I am trying to cope with it again.

the text is chaotic, I repeat, written while I was under the influence of strong heavy emotions. Maybe I'll delete it later, when my brain gets back to normal a little bit.

If a songbird doesn't sing well, they wring its neck.

Maybe it was the costs of Leon's profession and the result of his constant missions, after which something human is gradually dying in him despite the constant struggle to save everyone. Raccoon City was supposed to teach, if not to survive, then make him begin to understand that some are doomed to die.

Leon Kennedy was taught not to offend, but to protect the weak, especially weak women. But it is difficult to calm the flow of disordered thoughts and put aside the fear that has seized him in order to clamp bloody wrists and apply something to them to stop the blood. Leon knew many strong women: Ada was perhaps the first among them, he did not know either her past or her real name, only the present that pushed their foreheads against each other; Claire, a fighting friend of misfortune that he met in that ill-fated city; Ashley, who turned from a baby eagle into a proud eagle; Angela Miller and others…

Your strength dissolves in the water, coloring it scarlet while your heart stubbornly still beats, let the rhythm noticeably shorten.

In truth, over the past few months it became clear that this was the only way out. When even your loved ones considered you an expired product and did not hesitate to remember this and remind you every time. In the end, their words turned into an obsessive worm that settled in your head, slowly day after day, month after month, devouring you and the circumstances seemed to be not in your favor. Instead of support, you somehow faced reproach, as if the universe was screaming that you were an wrong person, nature's mistake who had no right to live.

Escape attempts were doomed to failure. At first you tried to suppress it in yourself, helping Leon, because, in your opinion, he was the only one who had the right to complain about life, although he did not do this in front of you, because everyone said that you had no problems: you have everything limbs, there are no fatal diseases, all loved ones are healthy and there is a roof over your head, as if this is enough to not fall for nonsense and not walk around forever with a sad face.

This was the last time you shared your experiences. You didn’t even bother telling Leon, but everything inside was torn from constant pain. The feeling was as if you were being beaten by two extremes that led you to the edge of an abyss where you ultimately voluntarily jumped.

no, you really loved him, it was just other people’s words and your own speculation that convinced you, despite your strong relationship with him, that Leon would find someone better, someone more confident in himself, someone who would not be you because you had already missed the chance for a good life because it moved too slowly. Ultimately, a couple of sips of alcohol with sleeping pills and a sharp blade in his hands simply promised to correct the mistake in the form of you with your own hands.

You didn't have the courage to do it any other way.

But you really didn’t think that if you could try to open up to your loved one, you would meet support and not condemnation. Perhaps in a mad world he would be the only one who would heal your wounds as you healed him in your time. Leon clenched his teeth, feeling tears flowing down cheeks, seeing these crimson stains, when he pulled your body out of the bath, holding you close to him, repeating “I’m holding you. It's allright"

He so carefully laid you on his lap, managing to pull out a first aid kit and then bandages to tightly, albeit carelessly, wrap them around your wrist in order to somehow stop the bleeding. At least you were still breathing, thereby giving him hope that everything could still be fixed. the darkness and emptiness came to life, calling in a whisper to dissolve into eternal silence where there is no pain or condemnation. Your body will be in a grave under a gray stone, while the remains of your soul will float like a small grain of sand in infinity.

For Leon, everything happens in a fog; he tried more than once to save people, but he had no right to lose in this battle, even if you yourself surrendered to death. Shaking his head, brushing away the tears, he wrapped your body in a large terry towel, kissed your temple and picked you up, trying to somehow warm you, pressing you closer to him. the ability to provide first aid in the field and pull suicides out of the other world is not the same thing. Leon would have thanked God if he had believed in him, convinced that blood loss was the least of the evils that you had caused yourself, until he saw the remains of some substance at the bottom of the glass that stood on the table along with an almost full bottle of alcohol.

You really didn't give him a chance.

The ambulance took several minutes, which seemed like an eternity. In fact, Leon wasn't sure if it was worth trying to make you vomit when you'd already lost so much blood that it was already seeping through the bandages. Surely you would need a transfusion and Leon is ready to give you all his blood if only you would wake up. Holding his breath, he carefully looked at your chest, watching whether you were breathing and fortunately, your heart was still beating, slowly, but it was still fighting for life.

He stroked you on the head, kissed you, promised that he would take you somewhere else, quiet, where no one would dare to offend you, even if it was your family. You could have just asked him for help, just cuddled up to him and he would have protected you from other people’s attacks, but you preferred to remain silent. Kennedy was tired of waiting for the medical staff to let him in, although relatives should be allowed to see the patient first, but the position of a government agent sometimes had its advantages, and they concerned not only the high salary. When he was let in to you, it seemed to him that you had become half your size while you were lying on the bed, curled up under the blanket. It didn’t work out to pull off a beautiful suicide, which meant that soon angry relatives would come here with new sweat of bile especially for you. They won’t care about your feelings, but Leon sat down next to you, trying not to intrude too much into the space in which you imprisoned yourself, as if this blanket cocoon could be a separate world where you could hide. He spoke to you carefully, hating himself for not being able to understand in time what was wrong with your behavior; perhaps if he had been more attentive to you, the incident could have been avoided. You would see a psychotherapist, take a course of medication, and your environment would definitely be taken care of.

You cry, not letting him come to you, hating how you weren't just left to die and how much you hate this world. Hysteria after hysteria, nervous breakdown after nervous breakdown, in the hospital you repeatedly tried to commit suicide, but the attentive staff managed to prevent this before you inflicted fatal injuries on yourself, and if after some time Leon still managed to carefully break through your armor, then your loved ones This did not concern relatives in principle. You only allowed one person to visit you while you were undergoing psychological treatment and you behaved calmer and calmer, listening to the velvety words that soon all this would be behind you.

“We’ll go home soon,” Leon smiled, gently holding your hand and kissing your forehead, just glad that you’re alive, that you’re breathing and that your psycho-emotional state is slowly but improving. “You know, I have a surprise for you, I think you’ll like it when we get home.”

Soon what happened will become another nightmare in his life, a blessing with a good ending, but for the sake of this happy ending, Kennedy is ready to descend into hell at least every day.

You nod at him and smile a little, fearing that the gift is some kind of party on the occasion of your discharge. In fact, the last thing you want is to see someone’s faces, especially those who diligently hammered into your head how insignificant you are. Why do you even hope that the doctor will postpone your discharge, but the plans for your further treatment were completely different.

On the other hand, after taking antidepressants and psychological help in a special medical institution, how many men are ready to stay with their girlfriends who have been there for several months? For Leon, it seems this was not a significant problem, or he simply carefully did not show it. However, there were no parties, no calls, you simply returned now to his home where there were new interior items. it became somehow more comfortable... but something else surprised you.

Puppy. A small puppy of a couple of months old ran towards you and Leon to meet both of them, but stopped and began sniffing your shoes, while something thawed in your heart.

“Animals seem to help us well, They feel when we feel bad, it seems to me a good idea to get us a little companion,” Leon said quietly, stroking your back while you were busy with the puppy, rejoicing at the little living soul who will love you with the same pure and devoted love.

Ultimately it should have a happy ending too. Leon is ready to go to great lengths so that his beloved songbird starts smiling and singing happy songs again, even if it is necessary to remove other birds from her family who sleep and see how to pluck all her wings again.

You and he also have a chance for a happy ending.

[thezanyarthropleura]

March 6 (1999)

Happy 24 years to Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris, the third film in the Heisei trilogy.

And if you know anything at all about Gamera movies, I probably don’t need to tell you this one is good. Like, not just ‘I enjoy it’ good, but objectively good. Of course, like with anything, opinions will vary, but this film is generally regarded as one of the best Kaiju films of all time – and along with the rest of the Heisei trilogy, genuinely good movies without even considering a preference for ones with monsters in them.

But what I’m going to talk about is the fact the three most important human characters in this film are women.

No corner-cutting, no "Asagi is the most plot-important but these other two are the male leads” like we get with Guardian of the Universe, if you are looking for a male lead in Revenge of Iris, you’ll have to either pick the minor villain who gets crushed by a building, the comic relief guy who gets a serious arc but is absent for the climax, or the kid who gets tentacle-slapped out of the grand finale. Or Gamera, I guess.

Our main character here is villain protagonist of sorts Hirasaka Ayana, a dark mirror to the child-bonds-with-Gamera concept that has been explored in various ways throughout the films prior. Having lost her parents due to Gamera’s fight with Gyaos four years earlier, and having subsequently suffered abuse at the hands of her aunt and uncle, Ayana walks down a dark path of vengeance with the aid of a juvenile kaiju named Irys (Iris in the subtitles and some versions of the title) whose origins are… never really clear but we get a few options. Also never really clear is whose negative emotions are corrupting who, or if it’s a little of both, but the end result is a roaring rampage of revenge against Ayana’s abusers up-to-and-including Gamera himself, leaving a trail of destruction that Ayana can’t put a stop to even once she realizes she wants to.

Re-joining from previous entries in the trilogy are Nagamine Mayumi, the ornithologist whose experience with the first Gyaos aids in studying recent attacks by a new Gyaos subspecies, and Kusanagi Asagi, whose previous bond with Gamera draws her into the investigation of Ayana’s similar bond with Irys. Inspector Osako (aforementioned comic relief guy) also returns and completes his minor arc throughout the three films of overcoming his cowardice and returning to investigative work, and his reunion with Miss Nagamine is genuinely touching, both in the film itself and with the addition of several deleted scenes that expand on their conversations. The pair’s team-up is brief, however, and Osako’s purpose throughout the rest of the film is simply to get Moribe into the right place at the right time to get tentacle-slapped out of being able to do anything important.

Instead, the focus of the latter part of the film is the intergenerational team-up of both major female protagonists from the first movie in the trilogy, who never once said a single word to each other in that entire film but are now, four years later, actually getting to meet and bond and put their wits and resolve together to help save a young Ayana from both Irys’s ill effects on her mind and the efforts of a pair of human villains to use her to bring about the apocalypse. Gamera is, of course, the true hero in the end, but the two women’s concern for Ayana is made the driving force of the narrative, to the point that unlike in the previous films, the military and government take a backseat and a lot less time is spent going over the science of how to stop the monster of the year.

The one male character that even makes it to the final plot-important moments of the film (Moribe, after miraculously recovering from being tentacle-slapped out of his hero moment) feels like a complete afterthought and a shoddy attempt to imply a future romance. Right before he wakes up (long after the action is over) and rushes over to comfort Ayana, there’s a shot that lingers on Asagi and Miss Nagamine gently helping Ayana up by the shoulders after she’s been revived, and that really feels like what the core of this movie is.

…Oh, and there’s also giant monsters, I guess.

Gamera has a dark, spiky, edgy design that heralds his return to a destructive, semi-villainous entity like in the 1965 original, however this time it’s explicitly an ‘ends justify the means’ scenario wherein he’s laser-focused on destroying the Gyaos as quickly as possible to prevent even more death in the long run. Gyaos gets the cool, wyvern-like Hyper Gyaos redesign and there’s a neat special effects shot that’s unfortunately very easy to miss, wherein one of their sonic scalpel beams cuts the Shibuya 109 tower in half down the middle (on the first 3-4 watches I mistakenly thought it was a continuity error and the tower was destroyed twice). Irys has the single-glowing-eye-set-deep-inside-a-skull look for the head, and is certainly a subscriber to the wisdom that the best superpower of all time has already been invented, and it’s Doc Ock tentacles. There’s notably less overall monster action in this film than some others, but what’s there is a very impressive mix of suits and CGI that, except for maybe one or two broad daylight scenes, holds up well to this day.

This film’s ending is often a point of contention, giving us an apparent cliffhanger showing hundreds or perhaps thousands of Hyper Gyaos converging to attack Japan right before the credits roll. To clear it up, Gamera wins, according to authorial intent, and whatever reservations one might have about Shusuke Kaneko as a director, the film also implies this by its tone – we end on an announcement that the military will join forces with Gamera to fend off the attack, while Asagi and the others make clear his determination and that he won’t be alone in this fight. It’s a triumphant moment, not a bleak one, and IMO, a perfectly fine ending to a movie and a trilogy.

Jumpscare warning for some very brief but horrific scenes where we see the results of Irys killing people by draining them to withered, skeletal husks. Also, minor squick warning for one scene where it looks an awful lot like some consensual, but very non-platonic tentacle stuff is about to happen, although after seeing how the English dub handles this part and consulting other readings of the film, I’ve concluded that the scene where Ayana starts unbuttoning her shirt collar and says “Iris, I’m so hot…” right after Irys has evolved from juvenile to teenager form, is actually meant to imply her body is literally overheating from the bond and she is beginning to feel physically ill. Whatever the case, the scene cuts away and all we’re later told happened is that Irys attempted to merge with her, something a fully-grown Irys tries to do again later in the film.

Overall, it should be easy to guess that this film is extremely high on my list of favorites, although competition for the top spot is very fierce as you’ll see when we get to a few of the others. Only real drawback is that it is a tinge dark and loses out some on the ‘fun’ factor because of it. And just because it’s part of what I look for in a fandom, shippability takes a hit here because I just haven’t been inclined to seriously ship anything from this film alone, mostly because the age differences between the three main characters are all just right past the point where it starts being down to personal comfort zones. I’m not entirely opposed to Asagi/Nagamine since they’re both adults here and the film focuses on that as their dynamic, plus Nagamine is meant to be especially young in her field per a conversation in GoTU. Adding in villains and side characters, Nagamine/Asakura has potential since they’re set up as rivals early on, I wouldn’t say I’m quite on-board with the whole “redeem the religious zealot child kidnapper” angle but I can see an Asakura who survives the ending left directionless and with shattered faith. And I guess you could always add insult to injury and ship Ayana with Moribe’s sister instead of him, they seem like they could’ve been friends if Moribe wasn’t always getting in between them.

(I would also endorse the idea of some kind of AU/rewrite/reboot/remake that casts Asagi and Ayana as same-aged childhood friends, with a friends-enemies-lovers arc that leads to a direct Gamera-vs-Irys face-off with both of them bonded at the same time. Having them be true mirrors to one another, with a personal conflict over Ayana’s parents’ deaths and Asagi’s faith in Gamera, is really this big, obvious idea the film put on the table the moment it introduced Irys, but could never do anything with because Ayana wasn’t part of the original plan for the trilogy and had to be worked into a universe where Asagi was older and her bond with Gamera already broken.)

[cruelfeline]

In light of all that we’ve learned with this most wonderful final season, some people have asked me to reassess Hordak’s backstory monologue. To see how Hordak’s narrative fits with what we now know about his home. To try to discern exactly what its discrepancies are, and why.

I’m going to do that! But before I do, I would remind everyone: this is a little difficult to fully untangle because, given that Hordak is not a main character and thus does not have the focus that we’d like, we really don’t know a whole lot about the Horde in terms of function, social roles, and general history. So this is going to be very much limited by what I can glean from exactly what the show gives us.

That said, it’ll hopefully still be interesting. So!

During season three, after recovering from his syncopal episode, Hordak describes to Entrapta what he is, what he was, and how he came to be on Etheria. He describes himself as a defective clone who, once upon a time, was the top general in the galactic Horde. When his defect became too much of a burden, he was apparently demoted, sent to the front lines to fight until death, and arrived on Etheria by way of unexplained portal.

This is what Hordak tells us, and, as far as we know, he’s not lying. Hordak, as portrayed in the show, is a very honest person, both in his own actions and in the actions he expects of others. He greatly dislikes deception and does not appear skillfully capable of it himself (save for that one time). Knowing this, we generally have to assume that, in his own mind, what Hordak is saying is true.

So. What gives, right?

After all, once we see the galactic Horde in action, we learn that it is a played-straight, honest-to-the-gods cult. There’s nothing distinctly military about it. It’s not a bigger, grander version of Hordak’s Etherian Horde.

It is a cult with a god-brother-creator at the helm, commanding countless identical acolytes who live their lives in slavish devotion to their master. There do not appear to be any ranks. We hear nothing about any generals, let alone a “top general.” There doesn’t even appear to be a need for anything like that, because Prime doesn’t seem to really delegate to his brothers in a way that singles them out or relies on real autonomy from them.

He can, after all, read their minds at will and slip into their bodies whenever he fancies. If he needs to make a decision about a battle on a planet at the other edge of the galaxy, he can just take over a body on that planet and make said decision himself. Or, at the very least, enter the relevant clone’s mind and influence the decision as needed. He doesn’t need, and certainly doesn’t appear to tolerate, clones taking their own initiative.

So, again: what gives? What does Hordak mean by “top general”? Why does he think he has this elevated role when we can see that Prime considers all of his clones the equivalent of faceless bodies to be used a he likes?

Well, while we will likely never know the full truth, given the lack of Horde background detail, we can safely assume some things from what canon shows us.

Namely that, while all clones appear indistinguishable and do not seem to have named rank, there are definitely clone positions that work more closely with Prime than others. His attendants are one example. Those who are in his throne room feeding him information while he is working are another. (Hordak actually appears to be one of these, at least while Prime is trying to hack the Heart of Etheria, when Entrapta is captured.) And then, of course, there are the chosen vessels that will one day house Prime’s consciousness.

All of these positions can likely be occupied by any clone, with bodies switched out as needed (likely what happened when Hordak got sick). I doubt that individual clones have any sort of real rank. Prime knows this. Hordak and his brothers, I suspect, may not fully understand it. 

Rather, I would not be surprised if Hordak, deceived and indoctrinated into believing things about himself and about Prime that are not true, misinterprets the nature of his purpose and the truth of his relationship with his Brother. He believes that, fulfilling whatever role he was fulfilling for Prime, he was a general, an individual of note, an individual that Prime specially valued. Perhaps he fulfilled the role long enough that, in all but name, it became “his.” Perhaps he even fulfilled it well enough that Prime praised him frequently, cementing this unfortunate delusion. Perhaps Prime gave him legitimate favor -  a false thing, of course; simply a controlling tool, but Hordak did not realize that. 

Without canon confirmation, we can really only speculate, but these ideas seem reasonable.

Details aside, the point of the matter is that Hordak sees himself as “top general” because he sadly doesn’t understand that he is an interchangeable piece of a utilitarian machine. He truly thinks that he has this coveted position, that he is particularly useful, special, of great value. It’s a tragic misunderstanding that simply fuels his misguided devotion to Prime and prevents him from seeking freedom when he is given the opportunity. 

It’s something, I think, that people in very controlling religious organizations often end up thinking: that they are especially valued, worthy in some way that others are not. It’s part of how the organization controls them. 

By the by, there is also the theory that Hordak has suffered memory erasure before and is thus doubly confused, filling in blanks with fantasy, but given that we have no direct evidence of that, I’m not really going to go into it; it’s a popular bit of speculation, though.

Now, however, let us examine a different aspect of this. Labels aside, delusions aside, we are left with another conundrum: however Hordak interprets his position, it is very clear to us that said position does not actually offer the power or respect that a legitimate high military rank would offer. It does not appear to provide Hordak with any special treatment. 

Once upon a time, back when we first learned of Hordak’s backstory, it was somewhat assumed that the position would do something like this. Numerous fans speculated about how it might be a position that gave a clone dominion over others, or over their own personal ships or planets; some fans suggested that it might give a clone the right to a name. Now, of course, we know that none of these speculations are true: all of Prime’s clones are essentially interchangeable; all are part of a hive mind that eliminates the need for certain clones directing others; no clone is allowed a name, no matter what their current job might be.

So. What, exactly, is Hordak practically gaining here? Despite this position appearing to hold zero effective esteem, despite it necessitating Hordak giving up his self and his autonomy, it is abundantly clear that he desperately wants it back. Why? 

What about this position, whatever it may or may not be called, would provide Hordak with this sense of value, of specialness, of personal worth? After all, Hordak may be deluded, but he’s not stupid; even indoctrinated, he can tell that he doesn’t hold dominion over other clones, or have a right to his own name. He can tell that he doesn’t receive any functional privileges, that his own sense of value doesn’t translate into anything that you or I would think is “worth the price of admission,” so to speak. 

In light of that incredibly steep price, what does this position offer, in a world where military rank appears irrelevant? What does it offer, in exchange for Hordak’s name and his bodily autonomy and his freedom? In short, what does it offer that makes Hordak think it worth sacrificing so much for? 

Well. 

It offers closeness to Prime, doesn’t it? It offers the chance to work near him, to bask in his presence, to be spoken to and looked upon and touched by him. It offers the chance to receive his praise, personally. It offers the chance to perhaps -  hopefully, wishfully - receive his love.

Because that’s what Hordak really wants. Not dominion over others, or a fancy military title. He wants that emotional connection. He wants that approval and validation. He wants love. And for so much of the series, for so much of his life, he believes that love comes only from Prime. That working closely with him, being of use to him, will provide him with that sense of belonging and acceptance and affectionate care that he hungers for. That it will make him worthy and loved.

(There’s a line in the deleted Entrapdak scene, where Prime calls Hordak the “most unloved and unworthy” among his brothers that really cements the idea that worthiness is synonymous with love within the galactic Horde)

This is what marks the position as “special” in Hordak’s eyes: it is special because it stands the greatest chance of providing him with Prime’s love.

All of it is a lie, of course. Because Prime only “loves” his brothers as extensions of himself, and even then, only if they are physically useful to him. Once Hordak starts to lag behind due to his illness, he is quickly removed from Prime’s presence and sent to the front lines, destined to fight until defect or battle kills him. And yet it is a lie so powerful, and the clones’ need for Prime’s love so great, that he is able to use it to control them even when they are separated from him. To the point that a sickly clone trapped in a shadow dimension will forgo freedom in his desperate bid to feel wanted and treasured by his cruel god.

Eventually, thankfully, Hordak finds a true version of the connection he craves, someone who looks at him and acknowledges him, values him and loves him as he is, without him needing to prove himself useful. He finds Entrapta, and she provides that love that he sought from Prime.

This is why, even though Hordak actually ends up working in Prime’s throne room again, ends up close to him once more, he breaks free from control and kills his Brother. Throughout season five, Hordak remembers Entrapta. He remembers how she makes him feel. He remembers her love... and he realizes that it is not the same as Prime's. It is sincere. It is unconditional. It accepts him as his own flawed person, rather than the perfect drone Prime wants him to be. It is deeper and more true and more real than the hollow sham Prime offers.

And so Hordak rejects this once-coveted position, rejects Prime, and frees himself. He makes the choice between a false, controlling “love” and the real, heartfelt thing. He makes the choice, and he chooses Entrapta.

In the end, the greatest disconnect between what Hordak tells us in season three and what is true isn’t the word “general,” or even the cruel difference between how Prime views the clones, and how they view him. It is the impression of why Hordak wants such a position at all, of what it means to him. What initially comes off as a disgraced military man seeking to regain former glory is actually a lost, unloved soul desperately searching for the emotional connection he needs.

And, after many mistakes, after much hardship, he finally finds it.

[groundcontrol21]

2 for the ask game! And... could I hear your 7 opinions on Aramis?

2. what in your fiction has turned out differently than you expected when you began? what has always remained the same?

Well, since this came from the general section of the questions, I’ll answer more broadly: I never expected to be writing solely for fun. I started writing as a kid/preteen for fun, yes, but always with the goal of being a published author very firmly in the back (or front) of my mind. When I won my first national contest at 14, that was just enough to make it seem like this goal could actually be a reality, and to ensure that for the next four years, I almost never wrote anything purely for fun again. I tailored everything I wrote to what I thought other people wanted to see, and in large part it worked: I won contest after contest, won money for what I wrote, got pieces published in magazines and even wrote a whole novel that got published through a small indie publisher. But because I was writing purely for external validation, I began to view it as a chore, as something I had to do bc I was “the star writer”, and that’s all.

Now whether you all think any of those accolades were deserved based on the quality of writing I share here is another story 😂 but also please know that I do not share that type of writing here. I agonized over every word and plot point, edited and edited again to the point where many times I was an inch away from deleting the whole thing and starting from scratch. Not all of this obsession with perfection was bad; I learned very valuable techniques and style choices that I still use to this day, but crucially, I can now use them in a way that satisfies me and no one else. Obviously I still plan and edit my work that I share here bc I take pride in it, but the process is so more relaxed. I have found a joy and freedom in creating (both on here and on vanilla fanfic) that I don’t even think I had when I started writing as a wee child.

Maybe one day I’ll write something and have it published again, but I’ve gotten to the point that I can honestly say I’m fine if I never do. That’s what’s changed, and for the better. I take pride in my writing, that part has stayed the same through it all, but the source of it has changed from how others value my work to how I value it.

(oops kinda deep for a snz blog)

7. do you have a favourite scene of theirs in canon, or in your own work? what scene have you always wanted to see or write for them?

Psh, “can you hear my opinions on Aramis”. I will give my opinions on Aramis whether they are prompted or not! (though thank you so much for asking ofc, and hyping up my obsession). So favorites, bc in my mind there are 3 subtly different versions of the guy that I love:

Book: The mf dropped-handkerchief-intro-scene, for obvious reasons (may have a bit of a handkerchief fetish on top of it all) but also since the little verbal sparring match he gets into with D’Artagnan here contains, in my opinion, some of the funniest lines in the book. Also love the part where he gets shot and tries to be brave about it but can’t carry on

Movie musical: the part where he sings and sniffs the damn handkerchief, my god, you absolutely insane man.

BBC show: The absolute whump-filled angst fest that is episode 4, because I am a terrible person.

In terms of my writing, though, I really love him in”A Routine Occurrence”, being a good friend but not being at all happy about it. Especially when he says he thinks he’s getting a fever 😈

In terms of what I’d like to see, though perhaps not write myself bc I’d be so out of my depth, would be what I’ve sort of danced around in my fics: him in bed with his mistress, getting a little spicy only to have to put it all on hold bc he’s dreadfully ill. Or, him picking up a cold from a lady who swears she’s recovered but really isn’t after all (but of course it’s all worth it to him, the daft man).

[kartuve]

ur ocs(all of them) are so gender idk how to explain I love them so much pls tell me more about them!!!! :)

:)) <333ily tysm (the reason theyre gender is entirely because theyre made by trans people only god bless <3)

ill take this opportunity to talk abt one of the other bands then, They’re called The Thunderhearts :) if uve been around my blog for a while you may remember this drawing of them that i deleted hehehe im embarrassed of it 😳

On the bottom left we have Ronnie the violinist, he’s been studying to be classical violinist ever since he’s been little but because of unfortunate circumstances he never got the chance to put himself out there in that scene even tho he was :( rlly rlly good and motivated sooo he turned to rock music :) aaand he’s dating feril as well :) they have a really healthy relationship and they both think the world of each other<3

On his right we have Dominique the singer :) she went to music school with ronnie and learned flute and singing there hehe Her past was a bit complicated for her because she had to juggle being a good proper student and being a groupie :( when she eventually broke away from that part of her life she decided to start a band out of spite >:) good for her 

Over on the bottom right we have Richard the bass player, he’s awesome he’s trans and he’s very into witchcraft 😳when he was little he wanted to be a photographer but he ended up going in a different direction even tho he still loves photography and does it all the time. He’s very very good at collecting gossip but you dont have to worry because he wont spill anyone’s beans if they’re on his good side :)

Above him we have Genesis the drummer (yes she chose her name because of genesis the band lol), she’s also trans and awesome, she wanted to be a dancer when she was little but her parents wouldn’t let her take classes so she joined a marching band instead and learned some pretty cool drumming tricks there :) Her relationship with her parents is entirely in shambles butttt she has a very lovely and supportive grandma<333 

The last person is Jodie who’s mainly the keyboard player even though he’s pictured with a guitar hehehe, he went to a pretty elite music school which explains where he got his epic chops like wow he’s sooo skilled at music, he’s very good at writing songs and playing tons of different instruments :) He’s a bit of a tortured artist though, he struggles very severely with mental health and it’s pretty hard to get him to come out of his room most of the time :( it’s not all bad though, he’s got tons of little animals like spiders and snakes and rats that he keeps as pets and he’d give his life to keep them happy and healthy :)

Believe it or not that’s still not everyone from this band so im gonna have to keep going sorry hehehe 

This is Jimmy :) she plays lead guitar and we tried to make her as much of a manic pixie dream girl as possible sfdsfh She’s been best friends with Jodie for a while and she even convinced him to switch names with her 😳Dominique and her met while doing groupie stuff and Jimmy was very much a driving force in helping Dominique get the band going :) She’s got a bit of a tragic story because she ends up having to quit the band so she can recover from her numerous addictions :( but it’s ok she is forever loved and visited often and she has a lovely life

AAAND the last person is Roger hehe He was pretty close with Jimmy and Jodie when they were younger, they went to tons of music festivals together :) When Jimmy leaves the band Jodie invites him to play guitar instead but he becomes a bit powerhungry and starts taking control a bit too much :/ he ends up firing dominique and overworking everyone else and eventually his health betrays him and he has to leave :/

and that’s the basics dfsfsdjf

[dustedmagazine]

Ian Mathers’ 2020: We’re stuck inside our own machines

I’ve had a song I loved in high school and haven’t thought much about since stuck in my head. The song “Apparitions” by the Matthew Good Band is a fine example of the alt rock of the late 90s; if you grew up then but somewhere down in the states (or elsewhere) instead of my southern Ontario you may well have your regional equivalents, and like this one they may not resonate terribly strongly outside of their time and place. It popped back into my head after a long time recently and of course 2020 has changed it a little. A song that as a teen I felt keenly as about loneliness (albeit also about how technology can feed into that) of course now plays on my nerves as another small piece of art about the way that most of us (those scared and/or responsible anyway) have only that relatively narrow, technologically mediated connection to the people we love. All of us, artists and listeners alike, are trying to fit our feelings and art and selves down these little connections, with some success.

On a personal level, 2020 wound up being stressful in ways we couldn’t have predicted even after the pandemic hit. In circumstances that could have seen governments on this continent support those unable to work (and those who shouldn’t have to), support those workers who are truly essential, support workers and renters and even landlords and small businesses, instead we got a near-total abeyance of those governments using the resources we provide them with to save any of us. On a personal level my wife and I were lucky enough to be able to work from home (not that it didn’t come with its own forms of stress, and now that I’m off until January I have several work/stress-related illnesses to recover from) but still saw friends and loved ones lose good, used-to-be-sustainable livings overnight, saw family businesses succumb to a near-total absence of effective government support after months of trying to keep above water, etc.

It is probably no surprise that this is not a situation conducive to listening to music, let alone writing about it; I have deliberately and happily kept busy on behind the scenes stuff at Dusted that I could still manage but looking, at the end of the year, at the amount I managed to actually create is demoralizing if not at all shocking. I’m not sure I think next year will be ‘better’ in many important ways, although at our job there is a growing feeling among coworkers that next year has to have some work/life balance because 2020 was, maybe more than anything else, unsustainable.

That’s not to say I didn’t spend a lot of time and emotion on music this year, and if nothing else constant sleep deprivation, stress, and panic meant I was probably open to being deeply moved by all sorts of art even more than normally (it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even read a sad or moving twitter thread out loud to my wife without getting teary, which is kind of… nice?). Funnily enough the band that did the most to keep me sane didn’t really put out anything in 2020. Personal favorite, Low, instead started, in early April, getting on Instagram with something they called on whim “It’s Friday I’m in Low.” With one brief break they have now done by my count at least 35 shows (catalogued here, by the way), every Friday at about 4 my time.

Admittedly it’s easier for Low to pull this off than some bands, since the 2/3 of the trio that sing are a married couple (they’ve had a couple of socially-distanced backyard shows with bassist Steve Garrington, but he’s mostly been isolating elsewhere). These shows have seen the band’s Alan Sparhawk take a mid-set break to do follow-up phone interviews with the acts featured in the COVID-curtailed touring bands series Vansplainingthat they started on YouTube, or just to give a tour round their vegetable garden and talk tips. It’s seen Alan and Mimi Parker draw on their impressive, 25+ year body of work (averaging 4-5 songs a set, I don’t think they’ve repeated themselves yet) and talk a bit between songs about pandemics, politics, song choices, and whether Alan should grab his bike helmet this time.

They’re not the only musicians out there speaking love and sanity (and playing music) into the strange digital interzone filled with hate and disinformation where we’ve all been forced to gather while locked down, but they were and the most consistent and steady signal being emitted each week. No matter how tired I was from work or what new symptoms I’d developed or what horrific thing I read into the news, even if I had to take an emergency nap while it was actually airing, every Friday the show was there. Once things do return to something more like normal, it’s one of the few things I’ll unambiguously miss about this weird-ass year.

So if that makes an argument for Low as my band of the year (admittedly again… it’s not like Double Negative has aged poorly, either), that does a disservice to those 2020 records I did connect with; even if there are still literally dozens I have to go through, many of which I expect to love, my top picks this year (if as unrankable by me as always) hit me as hard as any top pick in recent years did. So here I present a quick and informal top 5, which the rest of my top 20 following in alphabetical order. Here’s hoping for more time and space in 2021 for music, and even more than that, for more support for those who need it from those who could have been providing it all this time. (The Matthew Good Band, incidentally, always did best with their ballads. “Strange Days” is another I’ve had in my head these days; the image of moving “backwards, into a wall of fire” has stuck with me since the 90s and it’s never felt more grimly appropriate.)

Greet Death — New Hell

New Hell by Greet Death

This one is, in some sense, cheating; it came out November 2019. But that just means it’s the latest winner of my personal Torres Prize for Ian Being Late to the Party (so named because becoming slightly obsessed with Torres’ Sprinter just after I sent in my 2015 list was the first time I noticed that one of my favorite records of each year tends to get picked up by me just after I call it quits on the year, no matter how long I try to wait). This very doom and gloom slowcore/metal/(whatever, just know it’s heavy) trio at first felt very much like my beloved Cloakroom (whose Time Well has also won a Torres Prize) but sure enough nuances revealed themselves. Back in February it felt almost a little too negative, but then the rest of 2020 happened. And the extended burns of “You’re Gonna Hate What You’ve Done” and the title track remain searing.

Holy Fuck — Deleter

Probably the record I’ve been trying to write about the longest in 2020, and the one I’m most disappointed in myself that I just couldn’t get the requisite paragraphs together. It’s a wonderful effort from the consistently great Toronto resolutely human-created (and —mediated) dance music quartet, one that both feels like a summation of everything they do well, and with the addition of some outside voices (including strong turns from the singers of both Hot Chip and Liars) a step forward at the same time.

Spanish Love Songs — Brave Faces Everyone

Brave Faces Everyone by Spanish Love Songs

As the year got worse, this roar of defiance only got more crucial for me to hear every so often; I was a big enough fan of it, even after writing it up for Dusted, that when they solicited fan footage for a subsequent music video you may just be able to get a glimpse of me in it. (I’m the one in a “No Tories” t-shirt.) My punk rock-loving twin brother was the one who introduced me to Spanish Love Songs and we were supposed to spend an evening in June screaming along to them live in a packed, sweaty room. I need that in my life again.

Julianna Barwick — Healing Is a Miracle

Healing Is A Miracle by Julianna Barwick

It’s a sign of what 2020 has been like here that even just this album title leaves bruises, and while I privately worried Barwick would have a hard time following up 2016’s sublime Will (probably my favorite record that year), it seems that continuing to take whatever downtime she needs to keep focusing and refining her particular muse has once again yielded amazing results. Anyone who thinks they know what a Barwick track sounds like should really check out, say, “Flowers”, but much of this record absolutely sounds like Barwick, just even better than before. She also boasted my wife and I's favorite streaming concert of 2020, an absolutely gorgeous rendition of this album with Mary Lattimore showing up.

Phoebe Bridgers — Punisher

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers

I joked on Twitter recently that I have far too nice a dad (and far too good a relationship with him) to be as obsessed as I am with Phoebe Bridgers’ “Kyoto”, but here we are. Like most of her generation, Bridgers’ social media presence ranges from shit-posting to inscrutable, but even though things are often just as hard to figure out in her beautiful songs (as they often are in life), there’s an emotional clarity to them that can just grab you deep down. Couple that with seriously impressive songcraft and the progress from her already astounding debut Stranger in the Alps and more than anyone else in 2020 I’m excited to see just where the hell Phoebe Bridgers is going to go, because it feels like she’s talented and hardworking enough to go just about anywhere and drag a lot of our hearts with her.

Other Favorites

Aidan Baker & Gareth Davis — Invisible Cities II

Anastasia Minster — Father

Deftones — Ohms

Hum — Inlet

Kelly Lee Owens — Inner Song

Mesarthim — The Degenerate Era

Perfume Genius — Set My Heart On Fire Immediately

Protomartyr — Ultimate Success Today

Rachel Kiel — Dream Logic

The Ridiculous Trio — The Ridiculous Trio Plays the Stooges

Sam Amidon — Sam Amidon

Shabason, Krgovich & Harris — Philadelphia

Stars Like Fleas — DWARS Session: Live on Radio VPRO

Well Yells — We Mirror the Dead

Yves Tumour — Heaven to a Tortured Mind

Five Reissues/Compilations/etc.

Aix Em Klemm — Aix Em Klemm

Bardo Pond — Adrop/Circuit VIII

Charles Curtis — Performances & Recordings 1998-2018

Coil — Musick to Play in the Dark

Hot Chip — LateNightTales

Ian Mathers

[fuck-customers]

I don’t care if you spend $150,000+ yearly here, you’re still getting kicked out

Hi! Im a casino dealer for a well known and one of the largest Casino chains in the USA. I adore my job and 9/10 nothing happens to me that I feel the need to bring up to a supervisor or security. My regulars are great, the new faces are usually fun, and the worst thing I have to consistently contend with is my players getting antsy over how long the servers take with drinks on busy nights. Its a great job for the most part.

The absolute only thing, that 1/10 times, that I have to deal with is people, usually men, getting overly aggressive or sexual. When money and alcohol are involved, it can bring out the worst in people. And Im also quite young looking, with a very soft voice and demeanor at work, and Ive been warned by management that bc of that I may deal with some harrassment. Luckily, theyre never shy to support me and do what needs to be done to get it sorted. Because of how great management and security are, Ive never felt unsafe, despite how people can act.

This story is not about the average guest, however!!! No, this story is about a reoccuring character in my casino, a misogynistic high roller who only ever seems to come out of poker room or high limit to harrass me.

At my casino (and those sister casinos under a larger, well known brand) we have a rewards program that ranks the guests on, basically, how much they spend and win.

Basically, you get 1 point for every $1 to spend or win on a table game (there are other ways to win but thats the way thats relevent to me, a table games dealer). For each rank, you have to earn, yearly:

Gold: 1-4,999 points

Platinum: 5,000-14,999

Diamond: 15,000-149,999

Seven Star: 150,000+

Which, yes, means that a Seven star player spends and wins more money at my job than Ill ever see in my bank account! In one year, EVERY year, they want to be a Seven Star member!

So, Ive had issues with this one Seven Star (7S) member, consistently. Mainly, he treats me like crap and calls me a b*tch to his friends when he loses (which happens, bc its gambling, and its not my fault). In the same breath, he’ll refuse to continue the round until I ~apologize to him or ~blow him a kiss to make up for taking his chips. Or he’ll make uncomfortably intense and detailed comments on my appearance.

Every time I go to tell my floor supervisor about him, he sees me and colors up his chips and runs before they can handle it. On the bright side, it means I usually only have to deal with him once a night, because after that he avoids me (although he will walk by my table and tell my players how bad of a dealer I am despite how attractive he thinks I am, and how much of a shame that is).

This weekend is Halloween weekend, however, and we were allowed to be in costume. Im in love with fashions inspired by older time periods, so I went into work in an all-wine red outfit inspired by Edwardian fashion. It was really cute, and I got a lot of compliments from my coworkers, so I was having a great night.

But 7S sees me as hes coming out of High Limit BJ and makes a beeline for my table. I dredge up my best customer service smile and buy him in and shuffle the cards. As Im working, however, he is wasting nO time in making sure I understand how physically attractive he finds me in my costume.

Before I can say anything, he is pulling his phone out and pointing it directly at me, saying hes going to take a picture.

1) Policy states that, for security reasons, guests are not allowed to have their phones out while sitting at a table.

2) Policy also states you arent supposed to take pictures on a table, or anywhere really, bc of above. There are of course exceptions, like taking a quick selfie or SC, that security wont bother with. But if the officers on the floor or the Eye in the Sky (the security watching the cameras) see you taking video or photos a suspicious amount, please know you ARE being followed my an officer, either on the floor or over cameras.

3) Common decency and security both also state thst you dont take pictures of employees without their consent.

Now, still smiling, I tell him he knows full well he’ll get in trouble if he takes a picture of me because he knows the rules. Hes not supposed to have his phone out, at all, at the minimum. He just smiles lecherously and tells me its an exception bc its Halloween. False.

Luckily, however, I’m just there for 20min to give a coworker a break. In the mean time, no matter how often I insist he has to stop, he doesnt. It just so happens that my floor supvervisor was having to deal with 2 drunk guests fighting 2 tables over from me, so I couldnt immediately reinforce the rules. I had to spend 20min dealing with this guy drooling and taking photos of me when he thought I wasnt looking until my coworker came back and I could walk up to my supervisor directly. (Poor guy was dealing with a lot, so i dont blame him for not seeing what was happening at my table.)

Typically, 7S saw my ratting him out and tried to run. My awesome floor sueprvisor didnt hesitate. All I had to say was “The 7S player at spot 5 kept taking pics of me” and he was calling security, no further explanation needed.

I was giving another coworker a break when the rest of the story unfolded.

Security and my shift manager track him down and force him to delete the multiple photos from his phone, explaining in detail why that wasnt allowed. The female security guard even went so far as to take the phone away, go into the deleted section, and made sure to hard erase the photos so he couldnt recover them.

He, apparently, insisted that it was an exception bc it was Halloween, that I gave him permission, that did we know how much money he spends here?!?! How dare we tell him no! He’ll never come here again! You’ll take an employee’s word over hIS? When he spends so much money here?!?!

Security, many of whom Ive made a point to become friendly with over the months Ive worked here, werent having his crap and told him that he had a 24hr ban for the premises. Unfortunately, the only way out was to walk him in front of my new table.

7S, no matter how many security officers were walking him out, kept trying to walk up to me and start talking. At one point he managed to just stand there in front of my table and just... stare at me, ignoring the security trying to make him leave. He just stood there, perfectly in front of me, with a gross, malicious smile, waiting to be acknowledged by me as a whole security team tried to urge him forward without having to take physical action.

I had guests on my table, so I wasnt about to talk to him, but I glanced up at him and smiled, and continued to deal the cards.

I wish I could say I was trying to be witty, but honestly after working so long in this position, my default response to guests in general has just become the Customer Service Smile. I was actually very afraid in that moment, and very grateful to the security guard who finally wedged herself between us and forced him on.

Later, the female security officer who made sure my photos were fully deleted came up to me on break. She let me know that she made sure to get everything off his phone, and that she was honestly frightened of how he treated me and how he was acting towards me, and that its now going to be known how he feels towards me. She said that if he ever sits at my table and even vaguely makes me uncomfortable, bc of his history with me they wont hesitate to take care of it.

Working here is one of the best things to ever happen to me, and Im glad the security and management here are able to minimize the guests who give me problems. And hopefully he hates me enough that he never plays at my table, again.

TL;DR: A guest who spends $150,000+ yearly at my casino repeatedly sexually harrasses me over a period of months. It comes to a head when he takes photos of me without my consent in my Halloween costume. Security and management make him delete the photos and temporarily ban him from the establishment in a scene that was bad enough for security to put a policy in place to keep him from bothering me ever again.

[millennialzadr]

WHY I LOVE ZADR!!!

HEY GUYS WHASSUP? LMAO

So this is a whole ass giant long post of me absolutely spewing my feelings of love for ZADR, it was the very first thing I wrote when I made this blog and I think it’s a nice, positive thing for my fellow shippers to inhale and enjoy 👌👌

it was originally a reply to mitarashiart’s post about why HE loves ZADR (link in replies) but I decided to delete that and make my own post since MY WHOLE ENTIRE TEXT WALL WAS SHOWN IN THE REPLIES and drowned out anyone else who was trying to talk (thanks tumblr mobile u fuckin idiot)

I had also posted a summary of an AU that I’m working on in the original post, but decided to remove it since it just about doubled the length (I’m thinking about posting it separately along with the wips I’ve been putting together, we’ll see 👀)

But ANYWAY, here is about a million reasons why I think ZADR is the fucking best, so if you like reading gushy gay ship feelings, please enjoy ❤️❤️❤️

[Posted June 2019][WARNING, LONG ASS THOUGHT BARF]

SOOO, holy hell y’all my journey back into this fandom has been a wild and unique experience for me, i went from adding invader zim to my bookmarks on kisscartoon, rewatching the series, finding out theres a movie coming out, finding out there was a shitload of content i’d never seen before (commentaries, lost episode scripts and audios, panels, the COMIC, episodes i’d never seen because the dvd i used to watch was scratched!! and a FUCKLOAD of quality modern fan art like oh my GOD) and finally curiously googling ‘zadr’ (which i was way into when i was maybeee 13/14) to see if there was any interesting new art, and holy hell, mita (the artist above) singlehandedly THREW me down the hole into modern zadr hell, first with his absolutely stunning IZ art (all his art is dope tho check him out yo), then reading the above explanation put the final nail in the coffin like, 100%

so i wanted to add onto his post here on why this ship got me so fucked up, both for anyone who might be wondering why on earth i’m shipping two characters from a kid’s show (i’m very aware how weird that is at first glance trust me) and also so i can get some ideas down for possible future reference (will i ever draw them? maybe)

(first of all, a disclaimer, and this is not pleasant to write but it’s important to address for clarity’s sake: I have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships between minors, and do not ship zim and dib as they are presented canonically in the show (as children). what i’m interested in is the conceptualized relationship they may have as modern adults, and i view zadr more as taking the concepts of existing characters and experimenting with them with different interpretations, which i personally think is a constructive and fun creative outlet, especially if these characters hold personal significance for you (childhood faves of course). growing up together is an important facet of their relationship, and certainly they were important to each other even as children (see: mopiness of doom) but as an adult i’m personally curious about what kind of adults they might’ve become, and that’s the focus of my interest. i’ll still be reblogging regular IZ art because it’s dope but if you see shippy looking art of them as tiny lil beans its either friendship or chibis (and i personally headcanon zim as getting taller with dib but some people stick with his canonical height when drawing them as adults, which is super short. it still doesn’t mean he’s a kid). aaand i wish i didnt have to write this and it would just be obvious but we live in a sick sad world and it is sourced from a children’s cartoon so i feel its necessary. end of disclaimer)

NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY

- ok, first reason’s a bit obvious - the nostalgia. holy hell, the feeling of rediscovering a ship that was popular when i was a preteen during the mid 2000s and discovering a totally new perspective on it as an adult comes with an almost totally overwhelming sense of nostalgia and comfort, as well as inspiration!! the kind of art that seems so common for zadr, these sketch pages of scenes and expressions and visual gags where artists would just scribble every idea they had and LOVE doing it, this was exactly the kind of art that made me so passionate about drawing as a kid, and it still sparks such a powerful feeling of love and admiration for me to this day. fan content of iz and zadr is simultaneously achingly familiar and totally new and fascinating, and it just makes me SO damn happy to consume, it is most definitely my new comfort content. and just, GOD. THE ART!! SO GOOD. FUCK

- now for the characters themselves: for some reason i just really love the thought of a mid twenties, modern Dib?? lanky goth dork, disaster bi, depressed as shit, uses bad sweaters and memes to cope?? when i was a kid i didn’t even LIKE Dib, but now i totally sympathize with him! he’s just a hyper obsessive nerd wishing there was more to life than the situation he got stuck with, how wildly relatable. he was a pretty big asshole as a kid (even to people besides zim) but he was also totally isolated and constantly bullied, so there’s a lot of room for growth. i feel there’s a lot of juicy character development potential for that boy, and there’s always been a special place in my heart for characters who are totally sad and screwed and hopeless, but there’s one thing, or person, that means the world to them and could possibly save them…

- aliens. Zim. i love nonhuman characters, i love monsters, i love aliens, i love characters that don’t understand human shit (and thus have much less room for shame or fear bc theyre just totally oblivious the negatives of modern society) and need guidance (bonding!!) from their human. i also love morally grey characters and characters with skewed logic, they’re always really interesting, and Zim himself just has such a unique personality and set of mannerisms, he contradicts himself a lot and you can never quite expect how he’ll behave, and i love that in a character, it makes them super versatile and fun, especially since there’s so many different possibilities for their development. Also, Zim is a gremlin, a little shit, and a disaster. I also love those traits in a character. And don’t even get me started on his character design?? big sparkly eyes? expressive antennae? monster teeth? complimenting colors? he’s adorable.

- mutual obsession. for someone like Dib, who seems almost repulsed by how boring and slow the people around him are, Zim quite literally personifies Dib’s  escapist fantasies, both as an inhuman entity from beyond the stars, and as a person who’s knowledge, charisma and mystery far exceeds that of anyone Dib has met in his entire life. (so basically what i’m saying is that for a shunned, jaded misanthropist, an actual alien is terribly alluring, even if said alien is dangerous, stupid, and possibly insane). not to mention Zim vindicates Dib’s entire life passion, the supernatural! Even when their relationship is totally negative, there is not a single inch of room for Dib to get tired of Zim. as mita explained, they validate each other. for Zim, WHO AGAIN, IS TOTALLY SHUNNED, ISOLATED, AND HATED BY EVERYONE HE KNOWS, Dib is the only person in the universe who gives a single shit about him!! he gives Zim credit as a threat, a capable invader, which if you ask me is the sole thing Zim is after (he’s hellbent on his mission because it would win him the approval of the tallest, all he’s ever wanted is recognition from the people he thinks so highly of). He literally gets depressed when Dib isn’t around to pay attention to him, not even the tallest were enough to motivate him before Dib came back. these two have no one and nothing without each other, and while lifelong nemeses is fine and dandy, i personally prefer friendship, affection and love, cause i’m a softie like that. how could they possibly get there after years of actively trying to kill each other?? well, i think under just the right circumstances it could become a possibility after a long, long time.

- growth. i. love. me. some. good. character growth. especially for characters with trauma/mental illness, bc again, relatable. these boys have issues, and as mita mentioned, their canon stories are actually INCREDIBLY sad! but the happy thought is, they could recover! they could help each other recover, for little reason other than the two are the only source of happiness for each other. now of course this also opens the gate for angst lovers, but at the same time offers potential for comforting, uplifting content of the boys supporting and inspiring each other, maybe even to the point of becoming happy and healthy enough to create the lives they want for themselves (as in appreciating life and doing things that make them actually happy instead of the delusions of grandeur they both sought when they were younger). gimme that positive shit and let the poor beans be happy  щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

- LITTLE THINGS. LITTLE THINGS THAT ONLY COME WITH CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. WITH HUMAN/NONHUMAN. WITH THE SHOW’S WEIRD LOGIC. Zim being the person Dib knows best and vice versa. Zim having an involuntary respect/admiration for Dib because he’s tall. Learning each other’s needs, limits, and communication methods, both emotionally and biologically. Sensitive antennae. Affectionate bickering. Being less insecure bc your partner literally has no idea why you see your flaws as flaws. Laughing at the flaws they do notice because they make no sense. Zim only wanting to eat waffles and chow mein. Dib being forced to overcome his depression lethargy and stay hygienic/keep the apartment clean because Zim has a sharper sense of smell and is afraid of germs. Endless conversation about anything and everything because they’re from literally different worlds, and endless intrigue. TOUCHING. TALKING. DOING EVERYTHING LIKE ITS THE VERY FIRST TIME AND ALWAYS NEEDING THE OTHER TO GUIDE THEM. HOLY HELL THERE IS SO MUCH POSSIBILITY FOR TINY LITTLE MOMENTS THAT MEAN THE WORLD. FUCK. GOT ME FUCKED UP.

so that wraps up the why. fuck man. its just such a good ship. if you read this big ass text post, thank you for indulging me, i hope you enjoyed it! because i enjoy it very much 👀 so stick around if you’d like to for a shit load of IZ and zadr content on this blog, possibly (MAYBE) even from me!! come roll around in alien hell with me why dontcha ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ its a fun time! thanks for reading!!!

-

SO THAT’S MY MANIFESTO Y’ALL, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH YOUR OWN REASONS!! I WOULD LOVE FOR THIS POST TO JUST BECOME A BIG GIANT PILE OF LOVE AND YELLING!! GO NUTS! SCREAM ABOUT IT! INFODUMP! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! I’LL READ EVERY LAST REPLY! Y’ALL DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR SHIP BC IT’S LITERALLY THE FUCKING BEST!!! LOVE Y’ALL!!!!!!

[heroesofhyrule]

Okay since seeing the trailer for the new Zelda game, I’ve been really wanting to read some more really good BOTW fanfic. Do you have any suggestions where they have some length to them? Also fics where link and Zelda are raising a family??

Truth be told, I haven’t read many BotW fics, if any, but I’ll compile some here after some searching! There are quite a few here that seem interesting to me or had plenty of kudos.

Please check all of the tags and heed the warnings before starting a fic! 

Super long fics (wc: 200k+)

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild 

T | Novelization | Slow Burn | wc: 473k | Complete

“But courage need not be remembered… for it is never forgotten.”Though struggling with both the loss of memory and the incredible weight of past failure, Link must find a way to recover what has been lost and bring hope back to the land of Hyrule.An epic fantasy-style novelization of Breath of the Wild.Complete, with afterword and deleted scenes!

Champions and Beasts

T | Series | 2 works | Slow Burn | Post-canon | wc: 311k | complete

Hyrule is a strange place, is it not? It has no history, only legends. It has no true heroes, only colossi who have wielded its fate in their hands. The Champions, and the Beasts; the wise, the strong, and the brave. And yet, we are always either recovering from war or preparing for it. How much longer can we endure, I wonder? How much longer can we step through this dance?

In a world this vast, being a hero isn’t always easy.

Champions and Beasts is a Breath of the Wild series that takes a darker and more political look at the world of Hyrule, both before and after the Calamity. Legends are long past, history is mostly lost, the wilds are dangerous but perhaps not as dangerous as the ambitions of its inhabitants; and with Calamity either just over the horizon or still a lingering nightmare, the Hyruleans must fight to attain peace.

This work is centered around Link and Zelda, and their evolving relationship both before and after the Calamity.

Currently there are only two Parts planned (From the Ground Up and The Ballad’s Beginning) but I am considering a third installment!

One Last Year

T | Post-canon | wc: 215k | Complete

Zelda vows to help Link remember the events that lead them to their hard-won victory. In doing so, they must delve together into a shared past and seek to untangle their feelings, their grief and their youthful frustrations to find the things they could control… and the things they couldn’t.

“I don’t know how to remember. Time passes, but nothing comes to my mind… Except you. You’re the key,” Link said, softly. “You have to be.”

A Breath of the Wild fic about Link, Zelda, and the memories that bind them.

Ironic Technology

Rating varies | Series | Contains both gen/romance | Canon/Post-canon | wc: 242k | Complete

Ironic Technology is a series where Link loses an arm after a tricky situation with two Guardians, luckily, he is able to receive a prosthesis made of Ancient Technology from his Sheikah allies. He continues on to complete all of the Shrines, meeting his friends from the four nations along the way, before he’s finally ready to take on Ganon with his tech upgrade. Moves into slice of life events with Link and Zelda living together working through their issues with each others support. Very little angst, mostly positive fluff and humour with Zelink throughout.

(A/N Originally I wasn’t going to have DLC2 content but it was a good ancient tech expansion, so expect that in ‘Trial and Error’ which will be rated ’M’ folks!)

The Destiny Collection

T | Series | Slow burn | Pre/Post-canon | wc: 225k | Complete

A collection for the little BotW universe I’ve created.

Not all stories directly follow one another! At least one spin-off is to be expected.

Long Fics (wc: 100k-200k)

Adrift in Time and Skyward Bound

E | Explicit language and sexual content | wc: 132k | Last updated 11/10/18

Link is her appointed knight. He will do anything and everything to protect her. Always. All ways. BotW. ZeLink. Loosely based on the original storyline.

Love in a Time of Calamity

M | Slow burn | Canon divergence | Post-canon | wc: 125k | Last updated 03/04/19

Zelda awakens her powers in time to defeat Ganon, but there are still major losses. With Central Hyrule in pieces, two champions dead, a king out of commission, and half a metropolitan city turned refugees, Zelda and Link struggle to come to grips with the aftermath of the Calamity. Though neither are prepared, they must nonetheless learn to navigate a turbulent political landscape while a snooping journalist, an overzealous artist, and a power-hungry nobleman’s machinations turn their already topsy-turvy world on its head. Though the Calamity has been defeated, recovery proves a battle all its own; and that’s not even considering the battle raging in both their hearts. BoTW ZeLink AU.

Trouble the Water

Rating varies | Series | Pre/During/Post-canon | wc: 156k | complete

Excerpt from the first entry:

An expansion of canon: a look at why the memories might have happened where and when they occurred (with one slight change in order) and an attempt to fill-in the events and conversations alluded to by diary entries and conversations in-game.“You were a comfort to her,” in particular, needed to be expanded upon, I thought.Begins shortly before the first journal entry in Zelda’s diary, and continues to the immediate aftermath of the last memory.First person: Zelda’s perspective

Still a bit long fics (wc: 50k-100k)

I’ll Walk With You

T | Post-canon | wc: 94k | Complete

‘The battle is over, the Calamity has ended, and everything you knew and loved is gone for good. And yeah, you can’t ever get it back, but… maybe we don’t have to. The path in front of us may be long and uncertain, but it leads to something new, and… Zelda, no matter how hard it gets, I’ll be right here. And I’ll walk with you.’

A collection of moments involving our favorite Hero and Princess as they struggle to adapt. Post-BotW.

It All Must Start With Us

M | Post-canon | Sexual tension/Implied sexual content | wc: 76k | last updated 09/06/19

Set immediately after BotW, this story explores Link and Zelda’s journey together to restore Hyrule. Along the way, a mysterious voice give them the task of reliving memories of a century before: some painful, but all necessary before they can fully move into the next step of their lives.

Since the DLC did not give us a post-Calamity world with Link and Zelda, I’m writing one for myself and anyone else wanting to know what might have happened after! ♪ UPDATES ON SUNDAYS!! ♪

The Golden Age

T | Slow burn | Post-canon | wc: 66k | Last updated 03/05/19

After a century of undisturbed silence, a forgotten princess emerges from the famous ruins of Hyrule Castle. Princess Zelda has returned, and an even greater task than containing Calamity Ganon arises before her; balancing a complex love life while rising her kingdom up from the ashes and restoring it to glory in an age of peace and prosperity.

Post Botw.

A Hundred Years in the Making

M | Pre-canon | Slow burn | wc: 65k | Last updated 05/20/19

The story before the story began. A hundred and one years before, to be exact.

star fragments

G | Post-canon | wc: 61k | Last updated 01/21/18

Being a princess is a life of sacrifice. After beginning their new journey to find their places and rediscover Hyrule after Calamity Ganon, Zelda begins to realize she’s missed out on several experiences her land has to offer. Fortunately for her, Link knows everything.

Rise

T | Canon compliant | Sexual tension | wc: 58k | Last updated 01/10/19

The chosen hero appears. The princess deals with it.

One way it all could have happened.

A Hylian Romance

T | Court poet | wc: 55k | Complete

As are many, I was intrigued by the Sheikah court poet and what his perspective on Link and Zelda’s relationship might be.

Fade to Black

E | Series | Pre-canon | wc: 55k | Complete

A collection of smutty “what could have happened after the memory faded” ficlets each tagged to a different BoTW memory. Every story contains varying degrees of canon alteration and canon divergence, but are for the most part in line with the BoTW universe as we know it.

General disclaimer:I do not advocate for underage drinking, unprotected or unsafe sex, or generally poor decision making. Be smart and safe in real life, y'all!

Okay fics (wc: 20k-50k)

Zelda’s Log

T | Post-canon | Domestic fluff | wc: 43k | Last updated 03/24/19

After defeating the Calamity, Zelda and Link embark on a journey: she wants to get acquainted with the new Hyrule, and find her place again in the world.

The World That We Lost

T | Post-canon | wc: 41k | Complete

After defeating Ganon, princess Zelda goes back to Hyrule, resolved to rebuild her kingdom and make it even greater than it was one hundred years ago. While she feels confident enough to face any challenge and confront any foe that stays on her way, a reality breaks her heart: Link remembers her, but not quite, and his new life has made changes in his personality that even the total recovery of his memories may not be able to revert.

Unconventional

T | Post-canon | Slow burn | Implied sexual content | wc: 40k | Last updated 06/12/19

In the wake of the victory over Calamity Ganon, Link and Zelda need time to heal and adjust. Unfortunately, with rising pressure for Zelda to rise into the role of Queen of Hyrule, they aren’t given much time. Couple that pressure with confusing feelings for the Champion of Hyrule, well, her life has never been simple.

A New Normal

M | Post-canon | Memory loss | wc: 30k | Complete

About two years after sealing away Calamity Ganon, Zelda comes down with the same mysterious illness that took her mother away. Purah and the other Sheikah work on revamping the Shrine of Resurrection, and manage to heal her in two years; but she is plagued by the same memory loss that Link went through. The two struggle in their relationship and responsibilities as they try to recover her memory and thrive in Hyrule as they know it.

What wouldn’t I do?

T | Pre-canon | Slow burn | wc: 30k | Last updated 03/10/19

Link is appointed Hylian Champion for saving princess Zelda’s life. She doesn’t seem very fond of him though. Despite his struggle to cope with carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, Link can’t help but wonder if he really is ready to give his life in order to save someone who doesn’t trust him.

Link’s Journal

T | Canon compliant | wc: 30k | Complete

Day 1

I’ve had a bit of a rough day. I don’t remember who I am, a girl keeps talking in my head, I’m supposed to slay Calamity Ganon, a blue bokoblin nearly beat me to death with a stick, and the old man still won’t give me his paraglider.

But, well, I’m still here, breathing and thinking and eating baked apples, so it could be worse. The old man (who is annoyingly enigmatic – I don’t know who I am, the least you could do is tell me who you are) showed me how to write in the Sheikah Slate. I want to keep a record of who I am, right now, because, well, I can’t remember who I was before. If I lose my memory again, this time I will be ready.

[What’s Happening: The author journaled her BotW play through. Every in-game night “Link” stops to write an entry in his journal.]

Observation Methods in Data Collection

No ranting | Pre-canon | First person pov | Diary/journal | wc: 27k | Complete

I read somewhere that it was obvious that Zelda was falling for Link because she treated him like a science experiment, which allowed her to talk and think about him without really acknowledging that she had feelings for him. I loved this interpretation SO MUCH! So, here is my attempt at filling in some of those details.

On Propriety and Unconventional Avenues of Communication

T | Post- canon| wc: 21k | Complete

(Post BOTW.) In which Link develops a very curious habit and Zelda is confused.

Short fics / oneshots ( - 20k)

Forgotten Knight

M | Post-canon | Sexual Tension | wc: 15k | Complete

Zelda and Link have defeated the Calamity but Link did not regain his memory. They return to Hateno Village to heal and recover, and to not only get to know each other again, but to learn how to love each other again as well.

Risk of Burn

E | Post-canon | Explicit sexual content | wc: 15k | Complete

Three weeks after the fall of the Calamity, Zelda changes her mind.

The Joys of Photography

G | Post-canon | wc: 14k | Complete

The Sheikah Slate has the remarkable ability to capture and archive true to life images. Such a remarkable piece of ancient technology is not something that should be taken for granted. But that doesn’t mean that the Princess of Hyrule and her appointed Knight have to be so serious about every image they capture. The story of five pictures taken on the Sheikah slate.

Son of The Wild

T | Post-canon | Family fluff | wc: 13k | 05/16/19

Link and Zelda’s son reflects on his unusual upbringing.

practical anatomy

E | Post-canon | Explicit sexual content | wc: 12k | Complete

Is the Goddess still testing him? Has he not suffered enough in this lifetime? Was killing the Calamity not enough—now he has to explain morning wood to the Princess of Hyrule?

(in which Zelda discovers an unsavoury image on the Sheikah Slate and Link must face the consequences)

Soldier’s Log

T | Pre/post-canon | wc: 11k | Complete

The events leading up to the return of Calamity Ganon as well as life after his defeat as recorded in the pages of a journal belonging to a knight who would be king.

By the fire

T | Ficlet collection | wc: 11k | Complete

A collection of Zelink ficlets in the BOTW universe. Some ideas were developed for my main fic, “The World That We Lost”, but had to be scrapped because they didn’t fit anymore. Others are explorations of different canon formulas and timelines that said fic doesn’t touch, and some more could come from prompts (send me one, if you want!)

On the Life of Queen and Consort

T | Memoir | Post-canon | First person pov | wc: 11k | Complete

Few know me. I was the Queen’s left hand and the Consort’s right. I was their first, best and last friend. But above all, I was their advisor, and now that my tenure has ended, it is time to write their story.

After 100 years apart, Link and Zelda finally unite to rebuild their Kingdom. Their reign together is long, with triumphs and heartbreaks as they navigate Royal life, raising children, conquering fears and growing old in a Kingdom beset by peace. Now at its end, their Chief Advisor Larella sits down to write the history of their reign, having beared witness to much of their lives.

Part of Zelink Week 2017 - this is a ten part series that looks into the partnership and later life of Link and Zelda as Queen and Consort of Hyrule.

[blackcatmanor]

RWBY Vol. 7 Ep 8 Photo Review (Repost)

Tumblr decided to delete the actual post or something. I don’t know. I’m old man yelling at cloud right now. SPOILERS below 

Characters done right.

Winter is QUEEN this episode. Winter’s line about “You’d have to pay me” to smile was great, and I liked her losing her cool and explaining to Penny it’s because of the bad memories in her house. I wish they explored this more, like in a flashback to Winter and Weiss’ childhood. That would have been great, and given a lot of set up into the toxic pool of despair they were both about to go back into. It was interesting her scene with Penny because it created a good juxtaposition from a human who WANTS to be less emotional and robotic, and a Robot that wants to be a human. *cute and tragic vibes intensifies*. It made me weirdly hope for more interactions between Winter and Penny- in which they help each other find a balance between humanity and a sense of duty.

 Willow- I am so glad we got to see her. Though it started odd, like she was a total delirious, foggy drunk who forgot her daughter left, and suddenly she becomes super lucid but morose. The tone shift was weird but besides the first few seconds it was great. A lot was conveyed about her- that she’s fearful for her safety, she’s morose, but still cares greatly for her children. The deeper explanation of her putting cameras around could have again been serviced by a Schnee family flashback. Jacques was an authoritarian and awful parent, but not abusive. You can tell this because when Weiss was slapped in volume 4 she was surprised, like it was something that never happened before. However maybe in the past, Willow bore the brunt of Jacques’ authoritarianism, interfering when he was getting too angry towards the kids but causing the physical abuse to be directed towards her instead of her kids. This would explain why she seems concerned for her safety and why she would put cameras around- in case something happened to her there could be a way to bring Jacques to justice.

 Nevertheless, the scene was good. You can really tell Willow cares about her kids and her exposition about Whitley was decent as well. But I have a huge death flag vibe about her….if Jacques finds out she’s been spying on him her greatest fears may come true. #ProtectWillow.

Qrow: I like seeing tidbits about Qrow’s struggle as a recovering alcoholic, though I wish they would talk about it more directly. We haven’t seen him a lot, and maybe he could mention that he’s attending AA type meetings or something. I also desperately wish that Yang and Ruby would address it! They have not directly interacted with Qrow much this volume, especially Yang who hasn’t talked to him since like one line in Vol. 6. I wish they would have a nice family moment where the girls talk about how proud they are to see Qrow overcoming his alcohol issues, and give him a good reason to keep on the path!

  Speaking of Qrow:

SS Gayship:  The trashship vibes are intensifying. Qrow is totally gay for Clover and I am here for it! Okay maybe it’s just friendly and not romantic, but it’s nice to see Qrow have friends. However, seeing how much they playfully interact means that I am going to be PISSED if they just make Clover some sort of double agent and shatter Qrow even more. With Ozpin’s betrayal, his estrangement from his family, his bad luck semblance, I think we have seen Qrow beaten down enough- can we not continually punch this poor character?

 Robyn’s smirk at Winter when she says Jacques can’t buy trust like everything else is great. I am also here for shameless RobynXWinter vibes.

  Characters done wrong:

Klein- RIP. I’m annoyed that they got rid of Klein. Was the voice actor not available? It would have been better to see him being abused by Whitley and Jacques, or maybe relegated to menial work rather than head butler. Seeing the fallout of his actions is more meaningful than just hearing it. Furthermore, it would also pack more of an emotional punch to see Klein being punished for his involvement in Weiss’ breakout, but Klein needs the work so he has to continue working for them in a more menial capacity.

 Whitley- I’ve known for a while they are probably going to have a “rescue Whitley” arc but they’re going about it all wrong. Every discussion with him sucks and is stupid. He’s smarmy and flat as a character, with his only development coming from Willow later. The “revelation” that his façade of arrogance is really because he’s hurt Weiss left him behind in Volume 4 doesn’t make sense, because Whitley was like that before she even left. His façade should come more from fear of his authoritarian, abusive father. Willow should have said something like “he was always trying to be on your dad’s good side, to avoid….well you know. But after you left, I am afraid he may actually be starting to EMBRACE your father’s perspective on life. So please don’t forget about your brother!” Or something like that. The writers and animators continually miss the chance to convey Whitley’s secret desperation as well. They showed one flash of fear in volume 4 and one in volume 7, but when he’s talking to Weiss he should be trying to talk to her in code, or having pain on his face!

 Whitley is also the words worst Gmod player. The only person who can get away with the nonprop T-pose is Jeremy MonsterTruckin’ Dooley 

Story stuff done right:

The little distraction bit to get Weiss away from Whitley was cute and funny. And it was nice to see comedy in a situation that lent itself to comedy. Last week I thought this “dinner” might have been an ambush in disguise, with Jacques luring Ironwood into Watt’s trap, but seeing how it was actually a huge party with News cameras, tons of guests, and the crew without weapons it immediately became clear this dinner was never going to be outright hostile, but instead served as a backdrop for exposition and plot development. To that vein, using it to give a bit of comedy is totally acceptable and breaks up the emotional scenes as well as the politically tense scenes.

I will say, though, I HATE the fat lady character. What’s with the voice? Is it supposed to sound like Ms. Piggy? This was kinda lame but at least Jaune’s slow mo “YESSS” and then their grimace was kinda funny. And it was a nice twist to have her covered in the food, making it seem like the plan failed, only to have the lady throw her drink on Whitley in a fit.

  Faunus discrimination- This volume has been better about building a world that has Faunus discrimination, and the introduction of Marrow has been a big part of that. In this episode, they had one small tidbit with a Faunus guy working as a waiter, literally serving the Humans, but I wish they would have teased out the Faunus discrimination a little more. In this kind of wide setting, with TWO Faunus main characters and a Faunus waiter it would have been a great chance for a few scenes building the culture around Faunus hate.

These are snooty elites so maybe they don’t outright berate the Faunus people, but maybe they try to quickly grab a drink and shoo the Faunus waiter away, or they don’t make eye contact and awkwardly talk AROUND them. Maybe they gawk at Marrow’s tail or Blake’s cat ears before having to be turned away by their friends. Think of how people treat people they are uncomfortable around- homeless, mentally ill, etc. Often people aren’t outright rude to them but reactions can run the gamut from gawking, to awkwardly minimizing interactions, to trying to pretend like they don’t exist. Some of that would be nice, but at least they are taking steps to correct the lack of Faunus hate in previous volumes.

Misery in Mantle. 

There is 1 homeless person shown in the episode, which is a 100% increase than prior episodes. 

  Story stuff done wrong:

So the council is only 3 members? That seems kind of small  for a huge kingdom like Atlas. I wish there was at least 5 members, and we could see them speaking for different regions. Instead it seems like there are three members of the upper crust elite and that’s it.

The insertion of Robyn at the dinner was odd, but it seems like Jacques is trying to butter her up. He commends her “vigor” and when she said the people of Atlas are suffering he says “Quite right.” It seems like he’s trying to use Robyn’s frustration as a way to get her on the Anti-Ironwood team. This would at least make sense of why she is here other than to have her scream in between the conversation. 

What was with the ending? I don’t get it. Watts disables the entire heating grid, which causes the rain to turn to snow in Mantle. Is this bad? Does this mean they are going to freeze to death? Probably? It wasn’t clear. People looked confused about the snow, and the kid seemed excited which makes me think it hasn’t happened before, but they didn’t seemed scared or really concerned.

[viostormcaller]

Ego Headcanons: Dr. Henrik von Schneeplestein

I said I would do Schneep next, so here we go! (This one is probably gonna be a long ass post too, so be warned!):

Henrik is originally from Germany. He speaks English pretty well since he's taken classes in school. German is his mother tongue, however, so sometimes when he's tired, drunk, panicking, or upset he'll switch back to German a lot of times without realizing he's done so

Henrik is a very successful doctor, earning some of the highest marks in college. He has a degree and he used to have his license, but it was revoked after his accountant, Peter, died under his care.

He had a wife and two kids, just like Chase, and also went through a nasty divorce. His wife only wanted him for money (which, being successful, meant he made a lot of it), and while they were together she was cheating on Henrik with a tennis instructor. There was a huge fight between them once he found out. The kids sided with Henrik, but sadly the mother prevented them from going with him when Henrik left. She also barred all contact between them and him, though the kids send him cards in secret with the help of a family friend. Other than that, he has no contact with them

Henrik moved to Brighton and began classes to regain his license. He earned it back, and started working at a nearby hospital. He was just as successful and rose through the ranks quickly.

Schneep worked long hours through the day and grieved the loss of his family at night, usually drinking alone at the kitchen table and crying. When he got sick of this, he began to work double shifts at the hospital almost every day until he broke down and had to go on leave

When he got back to work, he changed his schedule so that some days he worked the day shift, and some he worked the night shift. On one fateful night, he had been assigned to perform an emergency surgery on the town's local superhero, Jackieboy Man. Marvin the Magnificent had been the one to get him to the hospital. They were both pretty banged up, but Henrik was able to fix them both up. He felt a connection between the two of them, and the three of them bonded well and kept in contact after they recovered. He made sure that he worked more night shifts so he could be the one to treat them when they had injuries. Before long, he was the only doctor they would go to

Once Henrik made enough, he bought a big house and offered Jackie and Marvin to move in. The pair had already been sharing an apartment (and it was small so they didn't have a lot of stuff), so the moving process had been fairly easy.

On Halloween of 2016, Schneep was called in for an emergency surgery: a man's throat had been slit open and they needed someone to save him. Somehow, Schneep felt he already knew the man he was saving, despite never having met him before. His name was Jack, and he was in grave danger.

In the process of saving Jack's life, he had brief contact with Antisepticeye. Schneep was able to fend him off, considering having a doctor arrive on scene wasn't a part of the demon's plans.

In the process of the surgery, Schneep was somehow able to save Jack's life, even though the wound on any other person would most definitely have been fatal. He had stitches and wasn't able to talk for a while, but eventually ended up okay. Once he was able to talk again, Jack told Schneep that he already knew who he was, somehow. He realized they had a connection. Schneep mentioned Jackieboy Man and Marvin the Magnificent, and Jack said they both sounded familiar, too. Once they looked into it, making the connection between Anti and them, it clicked. They were all Egos, tethered to Jack, and despite living separate lives they would all find their way to him and to each other.

Jack eventually moved into Schneep's house, and continued recording videos for his channel there. Schneep was able to keep an eye on Jack's condition this way, in case Anti came back to possess him again. This happened once more before meeting Chase

Once again, Schneep was able to miraculously save Chase's life from a wound that would have otherwise been fatal. Marvin encouraged Schneep to look into this, suggesting he may be some sort of necromancer. He said that once Chase was recovered and back on his feet and stable, he would look into it. He never had the chance to.

Chase, Jack, and Schneep all grew close, especially while Chase was in recovery at the hospital. Schneep, Marvin, and Jackie were also close, due to their time living together in the same house, just the three of them. Jackie's life had been saved many times by Schneep, and they shared a strong bond. Marvin and Schneep shared a love for knowledge, and often spent days swapping notes and findings and research. As it turns out, magic and medical information tend to overlap.

Schneep was at the hospital the day Jack feel ill. He got a call from Jack saying he needed to come home immediately. Schneep immediately rushed home to help him. There's a lab space in the house that Schneep took Jack into, closing off the room for treatment. Schneep saved Jack within inches of his life, fighting through corruption and an forced suicide attempt. Schneep fought bravely for control despite it. Right as Jack slipped into a coma, Henrik was kidnapped by Anti himself, who left a message for Jack's community. Footage of the situation was recorded and put on Jack's channel.

Henrik was tortured by Anti nonstop for nine months. About a month or so before his return, an image of a bloodied, slightly glitchy postcard was posted to Jack's blog, updated with more blood over time before it was eventually deleted. The others saved this as evidence for Jackie to use as he searched relentlessly for Henrik's location.

On May 3rd, exactly nine months after he was taken, Henrik was found and returned. He was shaken, barely alive and traumatized. It took him a long time to get back on his feet fully. When he was finally able to get back to work, however, he found an impostor had been taking his place all along, someone who looked just like him and stole Jack's screen name. To this day he swears it was Anti himself.

Schneep suffers from panic attacks, flashbacks, night terrors, and hallucinations after he had been kidnapped, corrupted, and tortured. It also took a long time for him to allow anyone to touch him, and an even longer time to believe he had ever left Anti's hold and wasn't just a part of another illusion. He's more stable nowadays, but not by much.

Schneep spends most days at home now, watching over Jack. He fills out paperwork from the hospital often and his shifts are shorter than he used to be, but that's only because his primary patient is at home.

Schneep is an insomniac. He'll stay up for days at a time unable to sleep, and when he does sleep he usually has night terrors. He usually works until he crashes, relying on coffee to keep him awake

He drinks his coffee black, and won't have it any other way

Henrik is able to hyperfixate on his work. Once he's in the zone, it's difficult to break himself out of it. He gets a lot done, but often forgets to eat or sleep because of it. The others often have to remind him

Chase and Schneep bond over the losses they've had, but also because of Chase's naturally childish nature and Schneep's naturally parental one. They often spend quiet mornings in Chase's room, where Schneep will sit on Chase's bed and sip coffee while Chase plays with the many toys he owns. It's their little secret and they prefer to keep it that way

Schneep is Pansexual, and he's dated a lot of people in the past (and is actually known to be a huge flirt). However, he fell out of the dating scene after the divorce, his life growing way too hectic for a relationship. His main priority is getting Jack to wake up.

Schneep loves kids just as much as Chase does. He's a great father, and he adores having Samantha and Grayson over on the weekends. He's very good to them both

Schneep has a natural affinity for ice skating. He doesn't know how or why, but he's naturally good at it for whatever reason. He's gotten into a competition with Marvin more than once. Whenever they go they keep a score count. Right now they're tied and have yet to break it.

Schneep loves music. He envies Jameson's ability to play, and they both bond over the piano.

Vice versa, Schneep is extremely talented at art, wanting to become an artist when he was younger. Jameson, as a lover of animation and art styles, envies Schneep's ability to draw and will sometimes sit and watch him draw or paint

One of Schneep's favorite places to go is the beach. He loved the trips he used to take in the summer as a child, and when the Egos all get together to go on a trip to the beach, it's like he's a kid again. The others have never seen him so happy

Schneep is the only Ego who wears his glasses on a day-to-day basis. He has to, because he needs them to work, but he doesn't understand why the others don't wear glasses (besides Jameson, who gets a slight pass because he owns a monacle)

Schneep is most definitely the Mom Friend(TM). He's always making sure the others are taking care of themselves and are feeling okay and that they eat and get proper rest, even though he has trouble doing it himself. He puts others first, but said others usually turn around and remind him (if not force him) to take care of himself, as well

I think that's everything about Schneep that I can think of! Again, this one was very long because we have a lot of info on Schneep. I think I got everything covered here that I could think of, though. I hope I did, anyway!

[tennyo-elf]

I’m a bit upset. I have both PTSD and CPTSD (which follow me every fucking day, tyvm, so I know the lasting effects), I have spent 2000+ hours playing DAI, I’ve exhausted all Cullen’s dialogue options in DAI, exhausted all his dialogue in other games, and read his profile in WOTv2, so it’s not like I don’t have the knowledge and understanding of Cullen’s character to form my opinion. I will always, always believe they didn’t do enough for Cullen’s character, that Cullen’s redemption arc was/is almost non-existent, and that no matter how well written his PTSD is, it doesn’t excuse him from his past actions or his “Yes, but...” attitude in DAI. I’m talking and referring to writing mechanics here, which reflect real life, and is used to show progression and forward motion, aka overcoming blocks and deadends. 

You literally can fill in any Cullen you want by Trespasser. His haters can say he hasn’t changed or isn’t remorseful and they can be right despite Cullen saying differently in a few scenes. Because he only said it passively, we didn’t get to see it. His breakdown is about his recovery and his PTSD, NOT his redemption. Yes, they go together (his PTSD will affect his recovery and his redemption), and that’s why I am upset at his writing because they wrote one side but, to me, forgot the other. It wasn’t enough for me. The writing doesn’t challenge that part of Cullen’s story.

In fact, his excuse by mid-game “Meredith’s methods were harsh but the kept people safe” only shows that he hasn’t truly reflected on all the damage he has dealt (”but his PTSD” you may say. That, to me, someone with PTSD/CPTSD, is an excuse. He should have done SOME reflecting by this point, especially since he acknowledges some of his failings/what happened. If you say he can’t because of his mental illness then there is no story, there is no forward motion, you write stories for the forward motion, not to be static). Yes, he says the Inquisition is his chance to atone, that people died is “a truth that haunts” him, but he says this between saying mages shouldn't be free (nor imprisoned) and Meredith’s methods kept people safe. At this point you can say due to his PTSD he is still recovering and won’t be at the point to say otherwise. Well, at what point will, a fictional character, who has been recovering for the last two years or so, start to say, “perhaps not all Templars weren’t innocent and that may have been part of the problem” (his respect for the Templars is one thing, but blind faith is another. I know he will always respect Templars and look up to them, but perhaps he can see that mages weren’t the only dangers in the Circles) or “perhaps we can give mages a chance to show themselves capable of being free” (if mages were allied and they’ve been free for some time)? Recovery is an individual thing, some people need more time than others. But I believe enough time has passed for Cullen to begin to show enough change that I shouldn’t even need to have this opinion. 

We have Blackwall literally turn himself in, an action you cannot refute. That is an action that leads to a true redemption. You can not say Blackwall hasn’t changed at that point. Now we have Cullen’s breakdown (which may, for some, be enough) but those two are actually completely different to me. Cullen’s breakdown is about his recovery from Lyrium and his trauma, wanting to get away from a life that wasn’t what he wanted for himself. His breakdown was not part of his redemption (yes, he worries about not doing enough for the Inquisition, but that one line seems more about his own abilities off lyrium than anything else). In fact it’s was only after this breakdown could his redemption arc truly begin. But I feel that afterwards we get nothing. We get a climax (his breakdown) but then no following resolution. He says, if you keep him off lyrium, that maybe he can put those events behind him now. So why not push him a little? Have him meet someone he wronged? Give him a smaller breakdown after Blackwall turns himself in, question himself just a little instead of asking “why” Blackwall would do such a thing? Give us bigger insight on Cullen’s own self reflection. 

Two steps forward, one step back. 

At the very least have him by the end of Inquisition state more about Meredith? Truly have him renounce her, to take back what he said mid-game and realize her methods were what drove the mages to fear? Fear that he saw in their eyes and recognized (hello WOTv2)? How much healing would that give Cullen to do that? Meredith straight up made his mental health worse, abused him and his vulnerability, and him finally stating that he can see just how much damage she did to him? How is that not a good step forward? (it’s adds to his beginning redemption, it’s a start not an end.) It may be words, but the writing could have backed them up by adding a line to his end game slide stating that his Templar clinic invited mages as healers perhaps? That his good works included helping mages?

I, personally, needed more. I needed more falling action, more resolution, more on Cullen’s changing opinions and thoughts near the end of the game (not just on mages either). Something, anything, that is clear for everyone. It may be clear for you, but it wasn’t for me and, I know, for others. And not because we don’t understand Cullen or PTSD. For you, the writing may have been enough, and that’s fine, I’m happy for you because you’re not frustrated like I am about it. It’s done, DAI is over, and Cullen’s story is told. To me, as someone who also knows Cullen and PTSD, Cullen’s story frustrates me because it wasn’t enough to satisfy me, it didn’t feel complete to me. 

I love Cullen, I know he wants to be a good person. But the dude has flaws. And he is not just his PTSD. He has done bad things (mostly, inaction) and those bad things were not properly addressed during DAI in my opinion. PTSD is a reason why, and a speed-bump to recovery, but not an excuse and not a reason to simply ignore a part of Cullen’s story. Him getting over his PTSD or him beginning to heal during DAI is not a redemption arc. It is part of a bigger story, Cullen’s story, which comprises of his lyrium recovery, his healing/his PTSD, and his redemption. Focusing on one does not take the place of the other. Focusing on one and ignoring the other is forgetting the other. I don’t want that! I want Cullen to have an amazing arc that I know he can have! I want this because I love the character. And I hate missed potential. 

Recognizing a character’s flaws is not a bad thing! How can you truly love a character without knowing all sides of them? Cullen is thick headed and an ass sometimes, but that’s okay, those are his flaws, love him or hate him. He can also be gentle and cares about others. I’m the Dorian of Cullen fans tbh, I may talk shit about Cullen, but it’s because I care and love him that I do. If I hated him or didn’t like him, I wouldn’t have taken my whole freaking morning writing this damn post. ...which I may delete, IDK. Like, the only hate you see on my blog is for Moffat, like, if I don’t like something, I just ignore it. But I care too much because: Potential, layers, dynamic, hey they did the mental illness thing good, hey his romance is good, hey this is good start, let’s do this...wait, where’s the rest of it?  :(

(Here is some views I want Cullen to have by the end of Trespasser, which seem reasonable to me, that I would have loved to see some clue in the game to him having:

He still views mages as very dangerous, but no longer thinks less of them for it (as he did in DA2 and some of DAI). He’ll come to respect most mages for their continued fight against demon temptation like he would an old warrior. (Occasionally his fear of mages will return as a knee jerk reaction but he will correct himself.)

He still supports Templars but does not want to see them within the Chantry. He will also accept the idea of mages within the Templar ranks, believing cooperation will be more efficient than not. He will also push for more Templar presence in all places, but mostly near the College of Enchanters. He will also help those who wish to shed their Lyrium addiction and call for ways the order can continue without such a crutch. In general, he’ll want the Order to reform for the better.

He accepts that mages can govern themselves but continues to believe in strong magical law enforcement, such as Templar presence in towns and cities, laws that restrict magical use, strong punishments for those who use magic to harm others, etc. He continues to follow Andraste’s words that magic is meant to serve.

He believes in strong magical education that should continue into adulthood or more.

He will always believe in no tolerance for blood magic, that those who practice it should be put to death. He will, however, be reasonable (after being talked to), that blood magic done with only the use of one’s own blood should not mean insta-death, but instead a (long) prison sentence.)

Also also, I never fucking said Cullen was a bad person, omg...

[fantroll-purgatory]

Lalnah Dearth - Hopeless Romantic

@chaoticevilfantrolls

(Breaking the streak of Teals I had going, here’s my Main Boy)

I gotta say, you’ve hit another one out of the park. I really love this boy from the get-go.

Planet: Alternia. Same AU as Lycosa and Vapula (age of conscription is 10 sweeps, minor social changes, etc.)

Name:Lalnah Dearth

Lalnah: Comes from Lana or Svetlana, a name which typically means Light, or Gift to the World, depending on the source. Also, in a more blunt and lowbrow manner, it’s a pun on ‘lol, no’.

Dearth: Meaning ‘a lack of’. A lack of light, of prospects, and of hope. It primarily ties into his dreary nature, and the fact that he is meant to be a void player at his core.

I’m tempted not to use Dearth if only because it Is straight up a highly recognizable word. I like it a lot thematically, though. Hrm… Maybe if we just translate it? Duurte, meaning dearth, scarcity… Lalnah Duurte. 

I do have to point out here that void isn’t about a lack of prospects or hope so much as an empty space… which I do really like for him. It’s the unexplored, the unknown, the blank canvas, the vastness, the beginning, that which isn’t but can become… Which can be really overwhelming and oppressing and lonely. But it’s not hopeless, even if it can feel that way in the beginning. Which I think ties beautifully into the title ideas you discussed, but we’ll get to that at the appropriate time.

Age:Typically 9-12 sweeps. He’s a little older than the rest of his friend group.

Strife Specibus: shotgunKind. It’s a reference to the original instance of Chekhov’s Gun, in which a shotgun over the mantle piece, mentioned off-hand in one of the earlier chapters of a story, was used as a murder weapon in the climax. It’s an important literary concept (not adding superfluous details unless they become relevant later), which ties into his writing theme as well as his plotline in the session he’s from.

I Love That Thanks. I was going to make a pen/sword joke here but I can’t when the Chekhov’s Gun reference is already perfect.

Fetch Modus:Hangman Modus. Lalnah needs to play hangman to retrieve the item from his sylladex. The phrase or word is always based on the item itself, becoming more complex the more powerful or important the item is. If he loses, the item is locked for a five hour period. 

Blood color:Burgundy. His particular brand of down-trodden resignation fits really well in the lower castes, I believe. Plus, burgundy is the name of a kind of wine, which fits extra well with his alcoholic author theme.

I definitely think so. It puts him in a really vulnerable social position that amplifies that ease of manipulation you mention later. I think it’s also an interesting assignation for an author because of the rust leaning towards adventure. I like the idea of him exploring more internally, through his art. 

Symbol and meaning:The Dele. It’s a symbol used to mark something for deletion in editing manuscripts. Primarily ties into his status as a void player, as well as his extensive writing theme. Also, when drawn a certain way, it resembles a bat.

Oh I just love this… I might have to adjust it a little to account for rust language, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Trolltag: transientTechnicality

Transient: Something or someone who is temporary. Can be used to describe someone who is homeless or nomadic.

Technicality: A small detail in a set of rules. In Lalnah’s mind, a technicality is something that is easily overlooked, but can be used to win major battles in both law and war.

Quirk:He starts all of his statements with an arrow pointing to his words, as if drawing attention he can to what he’s saying. (->)

He capitalizes his Os, and his v’s become >’s, but otherwise types entirely in lowercase. This is primarily to show his manner of speaking (very empty and almost monotonous, with a bit of a lisp around the sound of V). He uses punctuation within statements, but does not use apostrophes or periods as ending punctuation. 

He has a tendency towards long, elaborate statements, spliced with commas and filled with florid and bloated prose. Expect a lot of ‘woe is me’ shit.

When he does use emoticons, he typically uses -w- for just about every emotion possible, using it to represent a bat’s face. Sometimes he’ll add carats before and after to represent perked ears (and curiosity), sometimes he’ll add an apostrophe as a sweat drop of exhaustion or weariness. (^-w-^ or -w-’)

“TT: -> cwm fjOrd bank glyphs >ext quiz” “TT: -> if yOu need a better translatiOn, the wOrds amOunt tO sOmething meaning, cOllOquially, symbOls car>ed On the mOuntain hOllOw irritate an eccentric” “TT: -> yOu, ah, wanted tO see every letter, thOugh… -w-”

I Adore All Of This. It’s interesting that you’ve given him the arrows drawing attention to his text when he’s themed around void/light. Maybe when he’s feeling particularly small and lacking in confidence and when he’s especially afraid of bringing attention to himself, he drops the arrows.

Special Abilities: Lalnah used to have a decent, if not exceptional, talent for photokinesis and photogenesis, which he could use to control and create light. Primarily he would use this for non-combat things like making reading lights and faerie lights or changing the intensity of light around him, although when pushed to it he would use the light to disorient foes so that he could escape. His drinking has severely dulled these powers, though, to the point he almost can’t use them at all.

Additionally, Lalnah hears the horrorterrors of the furthest ring, primarily manifesting as a dull mental static which he cannot pick out the meaning to. He hears them through his dreamself, which is sleepwalking in perpetuity, except while he himself sleeps. Because of this, he doesn’t necessarily have nightmares while he sleeps outside of sopor, and he’s more resistant to mind-control and telepathic psionics, if only for the barrier that makes it painful to dig too far into his pan. It doesn’t help much, because his timid nature makes it easy enough to control him in other, more mundane means.

Although not psychically based at all, Lalnah is also capable of using echolocation, thanks to his big ol’ sensitive batty ears. 

I love all of this, too! I keep saying that but god I really do adore all the little clever details about him. He’s so well-crafted. His photogenesis would be so handy. He could cast light however he wanted while writing a scene to better figure out how to describe it… I wonder why he started hearing the horrorterrors, though? Do they just have a particular fondness for him? Something about his aspect bleeding before the bounds of sburb and into his consciousness? 

Or did he dig a little too deep while doing some research for a book? Dip a little too much into the unknown and unlock something in himself he maybe shouldn’t have? The blankness of a page can be dangerous in that way.

Lusus: A fruit bat approximately the size of a house cat. Lalnah’s lusus is rather sickly and frail, and has been most of his life. In fact, by the time of the session, his lusus is typically dead of some illness. His lusus is a fruit bat primarily for the fact of Lalnah’s nearly vampiric appearance, the concept of being ‘blind as a bat’ (which Lalnah most certainly is), and an artifact reference to cannibalism (not nearly as relevant anymore, but Lalnah as a character is about 4 years old and I still haven’t weeded out all of the lingering teenage angst).

I do like the cannibalism reference objectively because he is, still, in some ways, self-cannibalizing. On a more emotional and identity level but still.

Personality: By all means, Lalnah is about as timid and self-pitying as a troll can get without it bordering on the obscenely pale-pornographic. He lets others speak over him, letting them form their opinions on him without so much as a whimper of protest. He has a(n earned) reputation as drunkard and a hopeless fool of a romantic, which he no longer attempts to protest. He’s been caught using his horns as a bottle opener. There’s no recovering your reputation after that.

In reality, Lalnah is incredibly talented, with strong skill in games of strategy and forethought, as well as proficiency with playing violin and piano. He avoids bringing attention to these things in fear that they will be used as a reason to manipulate him and take what little agency he has. This fear isn’t unfounded, but rather borne of his relationship with his ex-moirail, a blueblood who used his talents to make herself look more favorable, using recordings of him playing instruments as her own and forcing him to fit some visual ideal that she thought was fitting. 

He has the tendency to fall in deep, profound love with trolls who show him the smallest scrap of kindness despite his failings, opening up to them and showing only them his real talent and potential, no matter how much he comes to regret it later.

He tends to wrestle with perfectionism in addition to his need for passive mediocrity. His drinking, unfortunately, is the only way he knows to bridge between the two. Using his drinking as an excuse for his failures soothes the savage beast of perfectionism without forcing him to give up his sense of safety in being unremarkable.

I like the idea of him kind of idolizing the people he’s in love with. And then true to Aries-aligned form experiencing these cycles of disappointment when they don’t meet these expectations. But he keeps on loving anyways, clinging because of his self-pity. Maybe having a fear that if he loses This person he’ll never find love again. Wants to have a perfect love but he can’t stand up for himself in relationships or dedicate himself to even trying to change people. 

The drinking is also very fitting. We have seen pretty often that addiction is a very light/void phenomenon. Roxy’s and Rose’s own alcoholism, and Equius and Vriska’s addiction to breaking specific objects… An unfortunately realistic way that people attempt to cope with these internal conflicts. 

Interests: Lalnah’s primary interest lies in writing. Be it prose or poetry, political essays or pining exposes, he writes whatever he happens to be in the mood for, and with great proficiency. Even in his trademark stupor (which he no-doubt exaggerates), he writes. 

He has an interest in cooking as well, treating it as an art-form as high as any other. It’s one of the only things he’s willingly held on to since his moirailegence with the blueblood, besides perhaps his fashion sense. He absolutely has made a romantic dinner for his moirail out of instant noodles, and his habit of making the most of nothing really shines through in that.

Otherwise? He’s shoved aside most of his other interests. He doesn’t enjoy playing the piano or violin anymore, and his smaller hobbies that were discouraged or ignored fell to the wayside when he started hitting the bottle with some regularity. 

)^: I want to save him.

Title: I’ve been struggling with this a little bit, but for a very specific reason.

Part of me is drawn to making Lalnah a Mage or Seer of Void, for his deep understanding of nothingness and mediocrity, his greater-than-average knowledge of the horrorterrors and the way they work (if marginal), as well as smaller things like his use of echolocation and the fact that he’s nearly blind thanks to his shitty eye sight. 

Part of me is drawn to making him an Heir of Light, who spends most of the session in an unhealthy state of inversion, who then reverts to his proper classpect at a key moment, forcing himself to take on and handle the talent and relevance he’s been denying. 

I do like the idea of him being an Heir of Light a lot. A Lot. He can easily start and spend a large part of the session inverted to Mage of Void. He hears the voices of the horror terrors and understands the unknown and the blank, or at least Believes he does. As he starts to come into himself and his role, he gets to learn to understand himself and information and the nature of infinity far better than he ever believed he did. 

He takes on the relevance he’s been denying and that he has earned and would passively be able to manipulate and change information, the known, the present, as well as luck. And he would learn to actively comprehend the boundlessness of the void. He’d take all this passive change and this light inside himself and use it to understand that emptiness is not a dead end but instead a chance to fill it up with beautiful things. 

Land: Land of Echoes and Haze

His land is a sprawling port town, worn down and rusting, the air thick with salt and haze. Think Innsmouth from the H.P. Lovecraft Mythos. His consorts are salamanders, dull grey in color, and are surprisingly hostile to him, although not aggressive. They speak endlessly about the things that hide in the mists, urging him to leave the land and never come back.

Consorts begin disappearing as he continues on his quest, and it’s eventually revealed that the things in the mists are actually mutated consorts, ruined by the whims of his denizen, Dagon. Lalnah must complete some tasks to drive back the mist before bargaining with Dagon to turn the consorts back into the form they are meant to be in.

I love that because it really does imply him needing to take on the spot light, pick up the hero role, make a change passively, by convincing the Dagon. He’d probably have to do something with a fun loophole to bring in your Technicality trolltag. Make a contract and screw that denizen over, Lalnah. Overcome your base acquiescent nature. I believe in you.

Dream Planet:Derse. He’s a voidy boy, and has a lot of horrorterror influence to him. It’d be a waste of a good plot point.

Oh Yep it’s definitely the most thematically fitting And he has So much internal conflict it’s impossible not to consider him a derse player.

Design stuff!: 

Yeah I had pretty much almost nothing to add here. Like quite literally almost nothing. 

Teeth: We’ve only seen one rust with visible teeth and even then they were nubby teeth, so I took the points off his fangs. I think it also works better for his submissive and dulled behavior. 

Symbol: It needed to be symmetrical to meet the rust sign language, so I worked with the idea of it looking a bit like a bat and added two equally lengthed wing edges. I also wanted to use a lot of negative space because Themes. 

Shoes: I changed the outline to a lighter one because the dark outline looked a bit awkward. 

This is a really amazing and well-thought-out character! I hope I was able to provide even a little bit of useful help haha. Thank you for sharing!

-CD

[scriptstructure]

Hi Mason! Don't worry about deleting the inbox, what's important is your health :) My question is - do you have any tips on creating and resolving conflict so that it seems well-paced and appropriate? I feel like my stories' "big problems" at the end are either so inconsequential that the characters' reactions to them are overdramatic, or so big that my resolutions to them feel forced and not serious/natural enough. How to find the happy medium? Thank you and best wishes for your recovery!

I think that this depends on a few factors, and it’s going to be different depending on the kinds of problems your story is dealing with, as well as the tone of the piece and the kinds of characters you’re writing about.

A problem that seems inconsequential to some may turn into a big problem for someone else, either because it happens to be something that they’re not equipped to deal with, or because they refuse to deal with it early on, and the problem snowballs into a big problem. In this case, you might want to think about why it is that the character has allowed this to get out of hand – did they dismiss it as no big deal until it was too big to ignore? Have they been struggling to deal with it without any success and were, perhaps, simply too embarrassed or proud to ask for help?

Sometimes the ostensible problem of the story isn’t the real difficulty, say that the problem that the characters think they’re having is something practical: who is going to be in charge of the family ice cream parlour when Mum retires? This could be a fairly big problem on its own, but paired with, say, a couple of brothers who are constantly arguing and miscommunicating with one another, but who both want to run the parlour, it takes on the dimensions of a family drama.

So, if your problem seems too small to be creating such a big issue, think about the ‘hidden’ problems that are going along with it, what are the roadblocks that your characters are facing interpersonally, or in terms of their health or mental illness or financial circumstances, or any number of other ‘invisible’ issues that might be getting in the way of them being able to deal with a small problem. These things will help make the trouble around the little problem understandable and relatable, but it will also help to flesh out your characters and plotlines.

As well, in thinking about character reactions to problems, perhaps someone behaving in an ‘overdramatic’ manner about the problem is, in itself, a problem? This could be an interesting moment. 

I remember a scene from a movie (though I don’t remember the movie itself) where a character very specifically asks her husband to buy her a dozen lemons. He comes home with one lemon, and she explodes and they have a massive argument. She didn’t want the lemons for anything essential, but this interaction, and her perception that the husband didn’t care about her or the things she was trying to do, was brought to a head by the seemingly insignificant matter of a dozen lemons. 

It illustrated a lot about both of their characters in how they responded to the situation, as well as about their whole relationship dynamic. (That said, I don’t think the movie was all that amazing, as this one scene is the only thing that stands out about it in my memory.)

Now, going the other way, the big problem that seems to wrap up too easily can be really disappointing. I think that the biggest thing to do is to decide to allow some things to go wrong or be unresolved. You want there to be a cost to the victory. It doesn’t have to be something massive, but amongst the general sense of success and completion, there should be some minor notes of discord or disruption.

Thinking about The Lord of the Rings as an example, the BIG problem of the series is wrapped up when the one ring goes into the volcano. That’s it, right? Problems solved!

Well, not quite. There are a lot of issues that still need to be dealt with, and there are problems that are never resolved, and tragedies that occur after their great victory. Frodo never recovers from the wound he received on Weathertop, the elves go into the west, the Shire is scourged by Saruman. These are all part of the great big problem, but they aren’t so easily wrapped up with the major victory, they’re part of the change that has occurred in the world during the course of the story.

Part of making a good resolution of a big problem, is acknowledging that not everything can be resolved. Those small moments of un-resolution show that the story means something, that there are consequences for what has happened, and that victory comes with a cost.

Now, as to how you go about figuring out these elements, I am, as usual, going to recommend a brainstorming or listing of what your options are.

Small problems:

Who is dealing with/ not dealing with this problem?

What is their attitude to the problem?

How do they intend to approach the problem?

Who else knows about/ has to deal with this problem?

Are they going to have a conflict over dealing with the problem?

What are the consequences that the characters will face if the problem isn’t dealt with?

What is the best possible outcome?

What is the worst possible outcome?

What other issues are the characters dealing with, that might make this problem more difficult to deal with?

Big problems:

Who is able to deal with this problem?

Who is willing to deal with this problem?

Who will this problem affect if it isn’t dealt with?

What are the side effects of this problem occurring?

In the best case scenario how would this problem be resolved?

In the worst case scenario, what would happen?

What smaller problems are the protagonists unable to deal with because they’re working on this big problem?

In what ways does this big problem change the world of the story?

In what ways does this big problem change the characters who deal with it?

Thanks for your well wishes, and I hope this helps!

[techcrunchappcom]

New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/live-coronavirus-pandemic-global-updates/

Live Coronavirus Pandemic Global Updates

E.U. proposes stimulus package worth €750 billion.

The European Union’s executive arm said on Wednesday that it wanted to issue bonds in capital markets to raise 750 billion euros, or $860 billion, to finance the bloc’s economic recovery, a leap toward closer European integration seen as divisive by some, but necessary by most.

The European Commission president, Ursula von der Leyen, laid out the details of the proposed recovery package for its 27 member economies, especially those hit hardest by the coronavirus pandemic, before the European Parliament in Brussels. “Our unique model built over 70 years is being challenged like never before in our lifetime,” she said.

The fund will distribute €500 billion worth of grants — free money that will not be added to national debt — to all 27 member states, with Italy getting the largest slice, followed by Spain.

This is a crucial element of the recovery effort, which was opposed by some of the bloc’s wealthier nations like the Netherlands and Sweden, but supported by both Germany and France. Lengthy and fraught negotiations lie ahead, as the proposal requires unanimous support by all nations, a Dutch diplomat said on Wednesday shortly after the proposal was introduced.

Europe’s recovery effort will be difficult and expensive, as some of its economies are set to shrink as much as 10 percent this year. Germany and other wealthy countries have their own funds available to spend immediately to prop up their economies, but poorer European Union members need help.

The European Central Bank has been doing the heavy lifting in the early recovery response, buying member states’ bonds itself to ensure that borrowing costs remain low and that funds continue to flow to injured economies.

European countries will also be able to apply for loans from a €250 billion fund, but that money will come with conditions and will count toward debt loads. The loans will also require a cumbersome approval process, and are unlikely to be swiftly available.

Japan made similar moves on Wednesday as its cabinet approved more than a trillion dollars in stimulus funds, including a combination of subsidies to companies and people. The Parliament is expected to approve the measure next month.

Japan’s proposal follows a raft of measures that the country passed in April. Taken together, the two packages would be equivalent to 40 percent of Japan’s economic output, Prime Minister Shinzo Abe told reporters on Wednesday.

France is no longer allowing hydroxychloroquine as a treatment.

France on Wednesday revoked the authorization allowing hydroxychloroquine as a treatment for Covid-19 patients, a day after halting the use of the malaria drug in clinical trials. Both steps come on the back of moves by the World Health Organization to temporarily remove the drug from global trials over safety concerns.

In France, the drug was promoted as a miracle cure by a maverick infectious diseases specialist based in Marseille, Didier Raoult, who rose to prominence by conducting several questionable experiments that he said had proved the efficacy of hydroxychloroquine in combating the virus.

France had authorized limited use of the drug on patients in serious condition and had included it in several clinical trials. But now the country has joined the ranks of others moving away from the use of the drug, even after several prominent figures, including President Trump, have promoted it.

The president of El Salvador on Tuesday said that he is taking the drug in hopes of warding off the coronavirus.

“I use it as a prophylaxis, President Trump uses it as a prophylaxis, most of the world’s leaders use it as a prophylaxis,” Reuters quoted the Salvadoran president, Nayib Bukele, as saying on Tuesday. (In fact, few if any other world leaders have said they take the drug.)

Mr. Bukele told reporters on Tuesday that his government was no longer promoting the drug as a treatment, following the W.H.O.’s advice, but that patients could still take it as a preventive treatment. El Salvador has just over 2,000 confirmed cases of the virus.

“There is still no scientific evidence, but it is being monitored and used in Brazil and worldwide,” Mr. Bolsonaro said on his official Facebook page, The Associated Press reported. “We are at war: ‘Worse than being defeated is the shame of not having fought.’”

Mr. Khanna is a Michelin-starred chef who was born in India and came to New York City as an aspiring chef 20 years ago, initially working as a dishwasher and delivery man. As the pandemic hit his home country, he watched the news and grew despondent.

“We’ve totally failed our people,” he said in an interview last week, referring to the millions of people in India who are unemployed and desperately hungry. “I wanted to show that solidarity still exists.”

Mr. Khanna posted an emotional appeal on Twitter in early April, asking people to send him details of those who were desperate for food. Within hours, he was flooded with replies.

But it wasn’t as easy to reach the hungry. His first attempt to deliver food, to an elder-care home in southern India, fell apart when the deliverer disappeared with more than 2,000 pounds of rice and nearly 900 pounds of lentils.

Absent from public view for more than a week amid rumors that he had been rushed to Moscow for emergency coronavirus treatment, Ramzan Kadyrov, the strongman leader of Chechnya, has reappeared in the capital of his Caucasus region — alive but apparently unwell.

A video posted on social media on Tuesday showed Mr. Kadyrov meeting in Grozny, the Chechen capital, with officials involved in fighting the pandemic, calming speculation that the Chechen leader, a close ally of President Vladimir V. Putin, was dying or even dead.

But with Mr. Kadyrov looking pale, acting far less boisterous than usual and wearing what looked like a cannula, a medical tube that can be used to administer intravenous fluids, on his right hand, the video only added to uncertainty about the state of his health.

The video, filmed and posted on Instagram by Chechnya’s official television channel, was later deleted. A separate video of the same meeting, pruned of footage showing Mr. Kadyrov’s right hand, appeared on Wednesday on an unofficial Instagram account used by the Chechen leader.

Mr. Kadyrov, who has repeatedly threatened journalists and acquired a fearsome reputation for brutality, was expelled from Instagram this month by Facebook, which said it had blocked his accounts in order to comply with United States sanctions. But he has active stayed on social media under various false names.

Mr. Putin’s spokesman, Dmitri Peskov, back at work in the Kremlin after recovering from the coronavirus himself, said on Wednesday said he could not say anything about Mr. Kadyrov or his condition. Two Kremlin-controlled news agencies reported last week that Mr. Kadyrov had flown from Grozny to Moscow for hospital treatment.

But officials in Chechnya had denied that Mr. Kadyrov was ill and undergoing treatment in Moscow, with one suggesting that the Chechen leader had taken a low profile simply because he was “thinking.”

Mr. Kadyrov imposed a tough lockdown on his region at the start of the pandemic, denouncing residents who violated health orders as “worse than terrorists” who should be “buried in a hole in the ground.”

The region, according to official figures compiled by the authorities in Moscow, has reported 698 coronavirus cases and 13 deaths, compared with 4,161 infections and 130 deaths in the neighboring region of Dagestan.

Ten days of national mourning for the victims of the coronavirus began on Wednesday in Spain, the longest official mourning period in the country’s modern history.

The government and the royal family led a nationwide minute of silence at noon, and flags were lowered to half-staff on all public buildings. Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez said the moment was a time for the country to show its collective sorrow and to honor the tens of thousands who died from the virus.

The major cities of Madrid and Barcelona on Monday caught up with the rest of the country in easing lockdown measures that had been gradually rolled out for weeks, and Mr. Sánchez said he had waited to start the official mourning period until the whole country had entered the first phase of returning to public life.

The extended lockdown has exacerbated political tensions over the government’s handling of the epidemic. The military police opened an investigation into the government’s decision to allow some 120,000 people to gather in Madrid for International Women’s Day on March 8, just a week before Spain declared a state of emergency.

On Monday, Fernando Grande-Marlaska, Spain’s interior minister, fired the head of the military police in Madrid for not informing the government about the investigation. To protest the government’s decision, another senior police official resigned on Tuesday. Speaking in Congress on Wednesday, the leader of the main opposition party called for Mr. Grande-Marlaska to resign for mistreating Spain’s police.

For much of the last two months, Paris has been empty — its shops and cafes shuttered, its streets deserted, its millions of tourists gone.

Freed of people, the urban landscape has evoked an older Paris. In particular, it has called up the singular Paris of Eugène Atget, an early 20th-century father of modern photography, in his unsentimental focus on detail.

In thousands of pictures, Atget shot an empty city, getting up early each morning and lugging his primitive equipment throughout the streets. His images reduced Paris to its architectural essence.

A Times photographer, Mauricio Lima, has followed in Atget’s footsteps, shooting images of the same scenes his famous predecessor captured. But those streets are now deserted because of the coronavirus pandemic. Mr. Lima’s recreations offer new insight into Atget’s work — and into the meaning of a city unique in its beauty but also in its coldness.

The critic and philosopher Walter Benjamin famously invoked crime scenes in discussing Atget’s photographs. He was pointing to their emptiness, their clinical attention to details of the urban landscape, their absolute rejection of the sentimental and the grandiose.

As Benjamin observed, Atget established a beneficial “distance between man and his environment.” And Mr. Lima’s haunting updated recreations confirm the long-dead photographer’s disquieting insight: Paris doesn’t care about your presence. It is indifferent, and it will certainly go on without you.

As countries across the Asia-Pacific region gradually open up after months of lockdowns, officials are struggling to strike that elusive balance between getting people back to work and keeping the virus at bay.

Economists and business leaders in China began warning in February that lockdowns and other stringent measures were hurting the lives and livelihoods of millions of people — all while contributing little to the containment effort. But when China eventually loosened its lockdowns, new pockets of infection cropped up, prompting the authorities in the northeastern province of Jilin to impose a Wuhan-style lockdown.

Similar tensions, backsliding and calls for compromise are now playing out elsewhere in the region.

In Indonesia, for example, which has 23,000 confirmed cases and counting, President Joko Widodo is concerned that the economic losses pose as much of a threat to the public as the virus. On Wednesday, he outlined plans for what he calls a “new normal” protocol meant to slow the coronavirus while reviving the economy. He called for deploying troops and police officers across hard-hit parts of the country to help enforce containment measures.

In Hong Kong, a semiautonomous Chinese territory, the authorities have adopted a “suppress and lift” strategy to alternately tighten and relax measures as transmissions surge and wane. Civil servants, for instance, were ordered to work from home in March — for the second time — after the city saw a new wave of imported cases. They’re now back in the office.

And the authorities in South Korea have been easing social-distancing restrictions and reopening schools after successfully reducing what had been one of the largest outbreaks outside China to a trickle.

Still, the country reported 40 new cases on Wednesday, amid fears that an outbreak that started in nightclubs in Seoul early this month was infecting people elsewhere. The new patients in recent days include 11 cases linked to a duck restaurant in Seoul, and 36 linked to a home-delivery logistics center south of the city.

The Swiss government said on Wednesday that public and private events of up to 300 people and spontaneous gatherings of up to 30 people would be allowed again from June 6.

The government is to decide on June 24 whether to also lift a ban on events with up to 1,000 people, though larger gatherings will not be permitted before the end of August at the earliest.

About a dozen U.S. states are seeing an uptick in new virus cases, bucking the national trend of staying steady or seeing decreases. At least half of the states seeing more infections were part of an early wave of reopenings in late April and early May, among them Alabama, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina and Tennessee.

New coronavirus cases have also continued to rise in North Carolina, where the Republican National Convention is scheduled to be held in August. President Trump threatened on Monday to move the convention unless Gov. Roy Cooper provided a “guarantee” that there would be no virus-related restrictions on the size of the event. Mr. Cooper, a Democrat, refused to do so on Tuesday.

The new numbers could reflect increased testing capacity in some places, though they also indicate that the virus’s grip on the country is far from over.

“It’s like nothing had happened,” Mr. Chan said in an interview. “I’m dumbfounded. How could they make a U-turn so fast?”

Mr. Chan wrote “The Fat Years” as a cautionary tale. Today, it seems all too real. A disaster brings suffering and death. Collective amnesia sets in. The Communist Party emerges stronger than ever.

How could people forget so easily? Of course, the Communist Party controls the media and history. As George Orwell wrote, “Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.”

At the height of China’s coronavirus outbreak, officials made quick use of the fancy tracking devices in everybody’s pockets — their smartphones — to identify and isolate people who might be spreading the illness.

Months later, China’s official statistics suggest that the worst of the epidemic has passed there, but the government’s monitoring apps are hardly fading into obsolescence. Instead, they are tiptoeing toward becoming a permanent fixture of everyday life, one with potential to be used in troubling and invasive ways.

Zhou Jiangyong, the Communist Party secretary of the eastern tech hub of Hangzhou, said this month that the city’s app should be an “intimate health guardian” for residents, one that is used often and “loved so much that you cannot bear to part with it,” according to an official announcement.

While the technology has doubtless helped many workers and employers get back to their lives, it has also prompted concern in China, where people are increasingly protective of their digital privacy. Companies and government agencies in China have a mixed record on keeping personal information safe from hacks and leaks. The authorities have also taken an expansive view of using high-tech surveillance tools in the name of public well-being.

The government’s virus-tracking software has been collecting information, including location data, on people in hundreds of cities across China. But the authorities have set few limits on how that data can be used. And now, officials in some places are loading their apps with new features, hoping the software will live on as more than just an emergency measure.

Like the Tokyo Olympics and other major events, international negotiations designed to address the threat of climate change will quite likely be delayed by a full year because of the pandemic.

“Given the uneven spread of Covid-19, this date would present the lowest risk of further postponement and the best chance of delivering an inclusive and ambitious” conference, British officials said.

The gathering is meant to rally world leaders to chart ways to avert the worst effects of climate change, including heat waves and flooded coastal cities.

Delaying the talks by a full year could worsen the problems, some diplomats say. Countries and international financial institutions may now feel freer to enact economic recovery plans without paying much heed to their climate implications.

More than 20 such conferences were held before countries agreed on the landmark 2015 Paris pact, under which they pledged to keep the increase in global average temperatures well below 2 degrees Celsius, or 3.6 degrees Fahrenheit, compared with preindustrial levels.

Grandparents choking on food because they were fed lying down. Residents left in filthy beds and soiled diapers for hours, in rooms with “significant fecal contamination” and cockroaches. Residents screaming for help for more than two hours before anyone answered.

Canadians knew the coronavirus had shred a deadly path through the country’s long-term-care homes, but a report drafted by the Canadian military adds new layers level of horror to the shocking tale.

“It’s appalling, it’s disgusting,” Ontario’s premier, Doug Ford, said on Tuesday as he released the confidential report to the public and demanded justice for families.

While nursing homes have been pummeled by the pandemic in many countries, in Canada they seem to have suffered an especially severe blow. Earlier this month, more than 80 percent of the country’s coronavirus deaths were reported to have been tied to long-term-care homes. (That figure has now passed 6,500.)

In the country’s two most populous provinces, Ontario and Quebec, many centers were so badly hit and so understaffed that the federal government sent in the Canadian armed forces to help last month.

The new report, which pertains to five homes in Ontario, is heart-wrenching.

It cites not just a lack of infection control, but also burned-out employees who worked in a “culture of fear to use supplies because they cost money.” Essential items like wipes and linens were kept under “lock and key,” the report says.

In one home, staff members reported that patients had not been bathed for weeks, and in others, residents were not fed regularly and food was left out of reach.

Calling the report “deeply disturbing,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said, “I had, obviously, a range of emotions of anger, of sadness, of frustration, of grief.”

“We need to take action as a country,” Mr. Trudeau said.

Reporting was contributed by Andrew Higgins, Katrin Bennhold, Mihir Zaveri, Karen Zraick, Adam Nossiter, Raphael Minder, Li Yuan, Constant Méheut, Shalini Venugopal Bhagat, Russell Goldman, Matina Stevis-Gridneff, Elaine Yu, Choe Sang-Hun, Raymond Zhong, Richard C. Paddock, Dera Menra Sijabat, Ben Dooley, Makiko Inoue, Mike Ives, Jenny Gross, Catherine Porter, Somini Sengupta, Alexandra Stevenson and Keith Bradsher.